#thats FINE it's FINE because usually it's used as a TOOL

[mothbeasts]

saw a take on here that made me so mad so ermm. i am complaining about it on tumblr dot com i guess.

someone not liking that computer generated images are being called art does not mean they. checks notes. hate disabled people?????

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller Au pt 5

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. AU masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Part 6 is here!

This is kinda long so bring your snacks along.

Baldwin and a woman- kissing.

You were in your room right now, fiddling with your time machine now that you had one tool to pry it open. Just 20 minutes ago, you had witnessed Baldwin and some girl kissing, and very swiftly you, turned and left the scene before either of them could notice you. You dont need to meddle in their business- why should you?

Its not like I actually want to stay here and confront him if he really did betray his future wife.

Someone knocked quickly on your door before entering in.

"Y/n!" Baldwin beamed as he ran towards you and picked you up, spinning you around. "Princess! I missed you!" He exclaimed, putting you down and kissing your forehead. Though he still kissed you with the same intensity as ever, you didnt feel the warmth as you usually did.

"Hello." You said monotonously, it was the best you could do to keep your voice stable. Baldwin, still in a daze, cupped your face in his hands and gazed lovingly at you.

"You are a sight for sore eyes." Shut up.

You looked away as Baldwin continued to stare into your soul. "So... how was your trip? Tell me all about it!" He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you further to him.

"It was fine." You replied, looking at the collar of his shirt. You refuse to look up into his eyes, lest you lose control of your temper. "Just fine? What about your family? Did you find them?" His voice held genuine concern.

You hummed, still not looking up. "I have found some clues, but I will need to go there again to find more."

Baldwin pouted. "Again? No. Being away from you for just 1 week already felt like a lifetime!" Oh I bet. Thats why you couldnt stop yourself from kissing some whor-

"I need to go, Baldwin. Its important for me to find them." You said with the same serious tone, and it didnt go unnoticed by him this time.

He tilted your chin up to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" You tried to pull away, but his arms held you firmly. His eyes studied you again, and he wasn't convinced.

"Princess, tell me whats bothering you." You. You are bothering me.

As much as you wanted to say that, you didnt. Cheater or not, he still is the king.

Finally, you gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry, I'm just- tired from the travelling." He sighed in relief, using the back of his hand to caress the side of your face. "Oh, I bet you are darling. Why dont you take a nap now and I'll come fetch you for dinner?"

-

Baldwin threw you a feast on your return. Even though you had no appetite, you still joined him because you cant completely ignore him without raising suspicion. So, for now, you'll bide your time. You'll play the fool.

It just didnt make any sense. Why- why was he trying so hard to be affectionate with you? Why he wanted to marry you when he was interested in someone else? And before anyone says that maybe he's not that into her- um, back in this era, when everyone was conservative, even Baldwin was religious, he wouldn't just kiss any girl out of wedlock unless he was absolutely sure he was going to marry her.

"Y/n?" You looked up from your plate at Sibylla. Baldwin had invited his sister and Guy to celebrate your return. "Tell us, how was Egypt?"

You could feel Baldwin's eyes on you, but you didnt look his way. "It was good. Salauddin was a very good host, he had arranged for me to see the pyramids."

"Ah, how kind of Salauddin. I'll be sure to write him a letter and send him some gifts. What do you think, princess?" Baldwin offered, but you only gave a small hum and barely spared a glance his way before continuing to talk with Sibylla.

"My king, I do not think it would be wise to do that. The Muslims are our enemies-" Guy interjected but Baldwin shot him down with a look. Baldwin didnt even have to glare at Guy to intimidate him.

"I have brought some souvenirs for you. They're in my room- I'll show them to you later." You smiled at Sibylla who beamed back.

Dinner was mostly uneventful, or until dessert was served and Guy began choking on blueberry. "Guy!" Sibylla cried out as her husband began thrashing about from the lack of air. The servants tried to help him, slapping his back and all, but really what could they do.

Serves him right for trying to eat and start a propaganda against Muslims again. But alas, you needed Guy alive if you wanted to bring the downfall of Baldwin and Jerusalem, just as history had it.

So you walked over and pushed everyone away before performing Heimlich manoeuvre. It took a few minutes but the blueberry finally dislodged itself from his wind pipe and out.

"Oh! Guy-!" Sibylla rubbed his back as he coughed while a servant passed him some water. She smiled at you gratefully. "You saved him, Y/n! Thank you! You really are an angel!" Guy finally recovering from his coughing fit, pushed Sibylla's hands away and glared at you.

"She did not save me- I was not dying-!" He argued, but before Baldwin could defend you, you replied nonchalantly.

"I agree. You werent dying. This was just God's way of telling you to shut up sometimes. Hallelujah!" Baldwin had to cover up his laugh as everyone in the room automatically said "Hallelujah", not giving Guy a chance to retaliate.

Baldwin's eyes sparkled with amusement as he found you smirking.

You're a clever one.

-

Baldwin came to fetch you for breakfast the next day. He came to your room last night, just minutes after Sibylla had left, but one of your maids informed him that you had already went to sleep. Slightly odd, as the king would always wish you good night before you slept, but he suppose you were tuckered out from your long journey.

However, he was dumbfounded when he saw all your maids standing outside your room, whispering amongst each other.

"What is going on? Why are you not with the princess?" Baldwin asked, quickly waving them off as they bowed.

"Your majesty, the princess- um she has started her bloody flux."

"Her WHAT?!"

"Her monthly cycle." Oh. Periods. Baldwin sighed. He thought some terrible accident had occurred.

Then again, periods in medieval times were not a good news either. Sure, they did indicate fertility and all, but woman were still shamed about it, especially religiously. Some people believed that cramps and bleeding were a punishment for Eve's original sin. Others even believed that since one is bleeding for such a long time, then that person is "sick" and could transfer this "disease" to those in contact or even near mensturating women. A small minority even thought that this monthly flow was some sort of sorcery or curse that could ruin entire crop fields. Add on to that the lack of sanitary pads/tampons and no ibuprofen, and you get what would be a terrible time for women.

"Please inform the princess that I'm here-"

The maids shared a look. "Your majesty, it is not advisable to be near the princess when she is sick-"

"Inform the princess. Now." The maid's heart almost dropped at his tone, before following his order. Moments later, she returned looking even more nervous than before.

"Y-your majesty, the princess insists that she will see you herself when she is feeling better, for now she would like to rest." Baldwin frowned. Just how unwell were you? Are you- are you really that unwell or do you just not want to see him?

No. You wouldnt avoid him like this. He hasnt done anything wrong.

Baldwin looked at the maids again, who were waiting with bated breath. "Bring herbal medicines for the princess. Ensure the best care for her. Every need must be met." The consequences of not following his order didnt need to be voiced.

-

You returned back to tinkering with your time machine when you heard his retreating steps. Were you on your period? Yes. Were you so sick that you did not want to even look at Baldwin? No, but then again, your cramps hit worse on day 2 and your ibuprofen was burned away with your clothes.

Then again, PMS-ing or "working on your time machine" wasnt the real reason you refused to meet Baldwin. It did contribute to it, but deep down you knew you were still bothered by the fact that he kissed that woman.

You dropped your time machine on the bed exasperatedly. Clearly, you werent going to be able to focus on this as long as you didnt confront your feelings about the kissing. So, you became your own unpaid therapist.

First of all, was it really cheating? It was just a kiss- nope. You shook your head, deciding. It so was cheating! Especially considering the time period and how conservative everyone was.

Alright. Next question- was it intentional? You closed your eyes, trying to come up with excuses. Maybe he was drunk? No. Baldwin never gets that drunk, and even drunk, you highly doubt he's one to go for day time drinking. Perhaps that lady initiated the kiss? Yeah, thats possible. She kissed him, but- your lips pulled into a scowl as you recalled the sight. He didnt push her back for a good few seconds. Of course, you didnt stick around for long to see if he did, but still, Baldwin should've pushed her back. Maybe he had his back turned and she caught him by surprise- you sighed. No way. Baldwin's reflexes were too fast, to the point you think he probably has a sixth sense. He wouldn't have been caught off guard, or even let anyone get this close to him.

You rolled your eyes. Intentional or not, at the end of the day, the fact is that Baldwin didnt immediately push her away and smack her down on the ground.

On to the next query- who the hell was that lady? Because nobody would just go up to the king and kiss him, especially when said king made sure to announce his engagement to the entire world. So, she planned it. Yes, no one would dare to do that unless they knew they could get away with it. So maybe she's someone Baldwin knows. Personally. Maybe a childhood friend? An old bethrothed? Or his favourite whore because Baldwin isnt as innocent as he seems and decided to have a bachelor party while you were away?

And finally, the burning question- why did it bother me who he was locking lips with? You crossed your arms against your chest defensively. Why did it bother me so deeply? Was I jealou- You scoffed. No. Definitely not. Okay, maybe I am a little jealous. And who wouldn't be? Anyone in my shoes would understand. Perhaps I enjoyed his attention, its human nature. Normal psychology... yeah. Even if I wasn't going to return his affections ever, even if I never intended to marry Baldwin, of course I would still expect him to be loyal, He didn't know I was going to leave him! He shouldn't be kissing other women! He should've stayed loyal, stayed true to me, his fiancee!

You exhaled sharply, brows furrowing the more you thought about his betrayal. It was understandable for me to be pissed. Why? Because of Baldwin and his stupid lovey dovey words and his disgusting forehead kisses and his dumb big blue eyes that made me believe him.

And even if he didnt actually love you, you thought that at the very least- he liked you, especially when you had literally saved his fucking life.

Your nostrils flared. "Jerk." You whispered to yourself.

A knock came on your door.

It was one of the maids, bringing in something on a tray.

"His Majesty has sent some herbal medicines for you." You were a little surprised at the gesture, not because Baldwin did it. Ugh. No, you were surprised because in medieval times, people often withheld herbal medicines or anything that would relieve period pain purely because many believed that this pain was the punishment of Eve's original sin for all womankind. So- considering Jerusalem's religous history, you were surprised at the gesture.

"I have also brought in more cloth rags for you. Would you like me to help you change-" "No!" You said abruptly, heat rising to your cheek. Yes, you were using linen rags because you didnt have any pads with you. Of course, earlier you had futuristic gadgets and medicines to deal with this situation, but with all of them burned to ashes, you had no choice.

"Oh. My apologies princess. I thought you'd like some privacy so I excused protocol, but I can have your ladies in waiting come and assist you-" "Please stop talking." You begged. "Its... fine. I can do it myself. Please leave the rags in my cupboard. And um-" You fiddled with your hands, trying to gather the words to voice your next request.

The sweet old lady smiled kindly at you. "Yes, princess?"

You looked down, cheeks flushing. "Can you... get me some more soap? And um, thicker rags?"

"Soap? Oh, I'll have the bath prepared right away-"

"No, not body soap. Soap for... washing my clothes." The maid nodded understandingly. "You can give me your stained clothes, princess. I'll wash them myself."

"Im sorry-" She waved you off. "No worries. I should've asked. Its just- woman here usually dont have heavy flows. I'll arrange more rags. If you dont mind me asking, how long does your flow last?"

"Sev-" You were going to say seven days but then realised the more days you added, the less you'll have to see Baldwin, or anyone else really and that will buy you more time to work on your machine. "Ten, sometimes twelve days."

The kind lady's eyes bulged a little. "I-! My apologies, princess! I- I was just caught off guard. Its um- well, its just girls here get shorter flows. The longest I heard was 5 days." Of course, in medieval times, menstrual cycles were shorter due to poor diet and more frequent child bearing.

"10 to 12 days... princess, I apologise for asking this, but have you considered that you might be bleeding excessively because of a disease? Shall I fetch a physician?" She asked with concern.

You shook your head. "No. I have always gotten them this long and I had myself checked by a physician. She said its normal, especially where I'm from." The maid nodded, satisfied that you're not bleeding to death.

-

Baldwin was in his study, working on some official documents when your maid knocked on his door.

"Your Majesty." She bowed gracefully as Baldwin smiled at her, standing from his seat to walk up to her, embracing her in a warm hug.

"Lady Margaret, how are you?" Lady Margaret used to be his royal nanny for a long while and took care of him even when he had contracted leprosy. She was practically a mother figure to him, especially when his own mother died. When Baldwin became engaged to you, he had asked her to be your senior lady in waiting, which will be her official title once you are wed to him. For now, she is your head maid. Baldwin trusted her the most with you. She had a comforting presence, and he was sure that while she took care of you, you would also find comfort in her the same way he used to.

"I'm good, your majesty." She smiled softly. "I just served the princess lunch."

"Hm, and how is the princess now?" The concern in his voice warmed her heart.

"The princess is well now. She's resting at the moment, though I feel a little concerned."

His heart skipped a beat. "Why?"

"Princess Y/n told me about her cycle time." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "It seems that she will suffer through this- diseased period longer than most others."

"How long?"

"Ten or twelve days." His eyes went saucer wide. From what he's heard, the normal duration is often 2 or 3 days, maybe 5 for some. But this?

"Summon the physici-" "I offered, your majesty. But she insists that she already had herself checked and that this is her normal cycle." Lady Margaret informed him, before continuing on to ease his worries. "She seems very knowledgeable about her body, and she is handling it pretty well for now."

"For now?" She nodded. "Of course, only time can tell if the pain increases in its intensity. All we can do is offer our help and pray that this bloody flux passes smoothly and swiftly."

Baldwin pondered over her words for a moment, his brows still furrowed slightly before he finally spoke again. "Please summon the royal physician. I would like to talk to him." He ordered before leaving his study to go to the royal library.

-

The next day, as expected your cramps hit. You had no plans to move an inch today, tossing and turning as you clutched your abdomen, eyes screwed shut in pain.

Somebody knocked on your door. Its likely one of the maids, probably to bring you food or something.

"What?" You called out, pulling the covers over your head. You're in no mood to interact with anyone. You heard the door open and footsteps entering. You exhaled, barely suppressing the painful groan. "Please can you go right now and get me some of the herbal medicines you had given me yesterday- and no, no food. I'm too nauseous."

You heard the person clear their throat, making you frown. Why haven't they left? Oh, please this better be not some "royal protocol" shit where they withhold the drugs from you.

You whipped the blanket off you, eyes still closed as you raged off. "Unless you want me to continue to feel like I have a iron poker stuck up in my spine while my soul leaves me from my feet, you will get me those herb-" you stopped as you opened your eyes to see-

"Baldwin?" He stood there with worry spread across his face.

"Is it... really that bad?" He asks in a low volume, as if afraid that noise would hurt you. In his hands, he held a tray that had a bowl. Walking up to your side, he set the tray on your side table, and thats when you saw the bowl of soup on it.

"Why are you- you're not supposed to be in here." You informed him. "I'm sick-"

"I know." Baldwin began sitting down on your bed, making you scoot back to give him space. He scanned your face briefly, making note of the tired eyes. He raised his hand to touch your forhead, but you turned your face away, making him halt. Why... were you avoiding his touch?

"Princess?" He called you, but you didnt turn to look at him opting to answer by keeping your eyes fixed on your fingers fiddling with the covers. "I'm not well- you shouldnt be near me, or you'll risk getting sick-"

"I'll take the risk." He announced as his hand found its way to your forehead first, and then caressed your cheek. "You took the risk for me too, remember?"

I did. You stared at him. And for what, you prick?

Taking your silence as a sign, Baldwin picked up the bowl of soup and brought the spoon up to your lips.

"I'm not hungry."

"I know, but this will help with the pain and nausea. I promise." He gently nudged the spoon against your lips again, and you parted your lips as the aroma of rosemary and oregano hit your nose.

The soup tasted good and you wouldn't admit it out loud, but it did warm your soul as it slid down your throat. It was earthy and creamy, and just what your cramping body needed.

"Its nice, hm?" He asked, smiling as you gave him a single nod. "I had the kitchen make it with my own recipe."

"Your recipe?"

"Well, I told them about what ingredients to add, ones that would be beneficial for your body and soothe some of your ache. They had to tweak it a bit to make it palatable." Baldwin explained. "And how did you know what ingredients to add?" You interrogated. Did he make it for his lover? Or stole the recipe from her?

"Oh, I just researched it." "Researched?" He nodded, feeding you another spoon. "I read some books."

You couldn't help but scoff. "So what? You're an expert on periods now?"

He chuckled, shaking his head as he scooped up some more soup to feed you. "Of course not! I cant be an expert by spending after only researching for a day. Sure, I summoned the royal physicians to educate me more on the topic but I dont think he knows much."

He spent a whole day... reading about periods? You turned your gaze away from him, choosing to focus on the wall behind him instead. "That's obvious. Just how much could a man know about the female body?"

Baldwin's eyes twinkled. "Exactly my thoughts, princess." He fed you another spoon. "That's why I'm having a royal body of physicians solely focused on studying the female body and affect of medicine built. It will consist of the best physicians, both men and women, from around the world study and work on the diseases concerning the female body. I'll fund it personally."

"What? Why?"

He looked at you dumbfounded. "Obviously for the same reason you said. Currently not much is known about a woman's body, so why not? I don't want you to be suffering again because of my lack of knowledge. I truly do feel helpless when I see you in pain." He confessed sadly.

Liar.

He set the empty bowl to the side before taking your right hand in both of his. "Please, let me know how can I help you? My love, my beautiful princess, it hurts me to see you in this torment." Baldwin said as he kissed the back of your hand gently.

You stared at his face, at those blue eyes of his. How can he- how can he lie with such conviction?

You pulled your hand away from him, looking away (which now that you think about- why am I avoiding his eyes? I didnt do anything wrong!).

"I wish to be alone, Baldwin."

In your peripheral vision, you could see the way his face dropped, and though you should've felt delighted, you felt rather awful- as if you had hurt a child.

It only made things worse when he whispered. "But... why?"

Still avoiding his eyes, you replied. "I- I adjust better to this- this state when I'm alone. I just need to rest, that's all. Some peace and quiet." You convinced yourself that you only explained to him just to get him to leave.

Had you looked at him, you would've seen the sorrow on his face.

"O-of course, princess. As you wish."

He left.

-

The next 3 days were uneventful for you, mostly because you didnt leave your room and- Baldwin didnt return to disturb you.

Which is good. You though to yourself, because it finally gave you enough time to not only work on your time machine but also work on your plan to right the timeline as it should be.

Which is why, today you had decided to leave your room. Of course it helped that Lady Margaret had brought in cotton for you to make a DIY sanitary napkin.

"Where did you get this?" You don't recall cotton being grown easily in cooler climates.

Lady Margaret smiled as she made your bed. "His Majesty had it imported from Sicily."

Your eyes went wide. "How? Sicily is- thats far away!" She chuckled at you shock. "Yes, but I think this sicilian cotton had made its way to Egypt, and perhaps His Majesty acquired it from Sultan Salauddin."

You looked at the large amount of cotton packed into bags in your room. "He bought this much?" Lady Margaret followed your gaze to the pile sitting in the corner, and mistook your surprise for disappointment.

"No, dont worry princess. King Baldwin had bought bales of cotton! They're stored away for future use." Your jaw dropped.

Bales? Baldwin ordered BALES OF COTTON?! You gasped internally. If he had THAT much cotton imported from Egypt, Salauddin surely would've asked for the reason because he would suspect that Baldwin is planning to use it for military strategy or attack. But you know Baldwin, his dumbass would've spilled to Salauddin, his off field bestie who he confides in about everything, about your periods.

You want to crawl into a hole in ground and die. Right now.

But... you fucked up history, so dying of embarrassment will have to wait.

"Lady Margaret, I need some fresh air so I'll be either taking a walk in the garden or you'll find me in the royal library ." You said, adjusting your clothes in front of the mirror. "Please make sure that neither my maids nor my knights are to follow me. I- I need some time to breathe or I will lose my mind if I feel anyone breathe down my neck about some royal protocol. I'll be back before lunch." You left before she could protest, though you doubt she will when she saw how agitated you were.

You had walked towards the west hall where you were hoping to find that big headed buffoon-

You heard his obnoxious laughter before you saw him.

Guy was standing in the middle of the hall, looking ugly as hell as he smirked at some poor maid struggling to break free from his grasp.

"Oh come on, you wench, give me a kiss-"

"Guy, let her go." Startling him, the maid took the chance and ran off. Guy turned around, glaring when he saw you. "What do you want?" He grumbled, running a hand through his hair frustratedly, looking back to see if the maid was still there or not.

"Quit it." You scolded him, before walking towards an empty room, nodding at him to get in. He grinned as you strode in. "Ah, so you're jealous? Well dont you worry darling, I can give you a kiss to-"

"I would rather burn myself alive and be crucifed than even be rumoured that you dared to touch me with your disgusting paws." You remarked, walking away from him to create distance between you two. "I have a proposal for you that would interest you."

Guy grumbling, sat down on a chair and looked at you expectantly.

"I have a plan to make you king." His eyes went wide.

"I- I- what?!" He stood up. "I dont want- this is treason!" He yelled, pulling out his sword and aiming at you. You stood steadfast, unaffected. "And this isnt? If you kill me, who do you think will end up in the dungeons?" You sighed. "Put it away, Guy, before you embarrass yourself any further."

You began explaining your plan. "You and I both know you were just waiting for Baldwin to roll over and die when he had leprosy. I know you want to be king, and... I can help you with that."

He stared at you, trying to figure out if this is a trap. "I... I deserve to be king. I was promised the throne. Thats why I married Sibylla!" He complained. Honestly, what the fuck does Sibylla see in this piece of cow dung?

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you continued. "I agree, thats why we should make an alliance-"

He scoffed. "An alliance? With you?" He said with such disgust, you didnt know whether it was because it was you were a woman, or because you were- well, you. "Why would I need you?"

"Because Guy... you're too dumb to pull this off on your own. No offense." He was offended, so you continued before he could start talking shit again. "Guy, if you become a little open minded for just a few minutes and hear me out, you'll find my proposal very useful." And by some miracle, he stayed quiet and let you present your plan.

When you were finally done explaining, he looked pretty convinced. But of course, he would rather stab himself than admit that outloud.

"Your plan... can work, but it'll take an awful lot of time." He said.

You leaned against the wall, and crossed your arms. "Good things comes to those who wait."

"I still think we should do it my way." You rolled your eyes at his insistence. "Guy, do you know how stupid it sounds when you suggest that we lock Baldwin in a room full of lepers? He cant get leprosy again."

"Well, why not?!"

"Because I cured him." He scowled at your answer. "What about measles? Or yellow fever-"

"Baldwin cant get sick. Ever." Well, technically he could get sick but its highly unlikely because the medicinal vial he drank when you gave him your water had all the vaccines in it, so Baldwin's immunity is pretty invincible right now. You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Look, if we follow my plan, then Baldwin will die a hero, no one will suspect you of anything, and you still get to be king!"

He seemed to contemplate for a moment before narrowing his eyes at you. "And what do you get out of it?"

"Freedom." Guy scoffed. "You want freedom over being Queen of Jerusalem, the Holy Land? Do you think I'm stupid?!"

"Those are two different questions. But yes, to both." You smirked as he got mad. "Okay fine. I'm doing this for... revenge."

"Revenge?" You nodded. "I love someone else, and Baldwin doesnt love me either. He only wants me because of my "healing abilities." You lied, but this is the only way to convince Guy. "So what do you say? Are we in an understanding?" You asked him.

Guy smirked, nodding.

-

You were on your way towards your chambers when you saw her again.

Her. The woman who kissed Baldwin.

The raven haired lady was leaving her room and hadnt noticed you standing at the end of the corridor. She pulled her hood up, looking around hastily before leaving towards the East wing of the castle.

Where Baldwin resided.

You had no reason to, but before you could stop yourself, you were entering her room.

Might as well check the place where Baldwin's been hiding his lover all this time.

It was an average sized room, nowhere near as lavish as your or Baldwin's was, but still better than what some of his royal guests would get. You walked towards her bed, sitting down as a sharp cramp hit you.

You groaned, holding your stomach as you buckled over and thats when you caught sight of a small box under the bed. You pulled it out and took of the lid. It contained letters. Many letters from different people, but mostly from Baldwin.

You looked at the dates- they've been in contact for years.

Your finger traced over her name.

"Charlotte." Huh. Sounds a lot like harlot-

You shook your head. You cant stay here for too long, dont want "Charlotte" walking in on you snooping. Since these letters were arranged according to dates, you picked a couple on the bottom, to read later and see what Baldwin has been upto after announcing his engagement.

Pocketing them in your dress, you turned to leave, opening the door only to come face-to-face with her.

She was startled, before looking confused as to who you were.

Of course, she doesnt know you. While you were trying to come up with an excuse, Charlotte's eyes fell on the huge diamond ring on your finger, and she let out a small gasp of realisation and immediately dropped into a graceful courtesy.

"Your Majesty! I'm sorry I didn't recognise you before!" Alright, maybe the ball can be in your court.

You flicked your wrist to signal her to rise. "That's quite alright..."

"Charlotte." She replied. You hummed. "Right. I apologise, I didnt know this was your room. I was just trying to find the library."

"Oh thats on the other side of the castle, in the North wing!" She said cheerfully, your eyes falling on that dimpled smile of hers.

"Hm, you seem to know a lot about the castle." You remarked, a little bitterly.

But perhaps Charlotte didnt catch on. "Oh yes! I spent a lot of time here as a child. My father used to work for the late king." She explained. You continued to study her face, that fair complexion, blemish free skin, rosy cheeks, and hazel eyes adorned with luscious lashes.

"Ah, so you must be close with King Baldwin." You finally said, and you didnt fail to catch the momentary shock in her eyes before she composed herself.

Busted.

"I- hahaha, um, no. We used to play sometimes when we were young, but then the late king passed away, and King Baldwin had to take up new duties." She chuckled nervously.

You sighed dramatically. "Pity. You seem like a lovely gal." Charlotte's eyes widened slightly. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown, I guess." You mumbled as you moved past her.

"Y-your Majesty!" She called out from behind you. You looked at her nervous face as she bit her lip, trying to come up with the words.

"Yes?"

"I- I need your help." She gulped. "King Baldwin-"

"Y/N!" You whipped your head around to find Baldwin at the other end of the hall, marching over towards you two. His pace was fast and... somewhat angry.

He came to a halt, taking your face in his hands before kissing your forehead hard. "I've been looking for you everywhere, princess!" He hugged you, pulling your head into his chest. "You had me so worried!"

While your head was shoved against his chest, you managed to catch a glimpse of Charlotte looking at Baldwin with desperation, and tears welling up in her eyes. After a little struggle, you finally managed to push yourself away from Baldwin, but he immediately took ahold of your arms, not letting you get away from him. Or-

pulling you away from Charlotte.

The lady continued to look at Baldwin with those barely suppressed anguish, but he refused to spare her a glance. Instead, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and began pushing you in the opposite direction.

"Come on, princess. You need to be in bed resting." He said to you, still not acknowledging her.

"Your Majesty, I need to talk-" Charlotte called out.

"We'll talk later, Lady Charlotte."Baldwin continued to pull you along with him. "Your Majesty-"

"I said- later." He finally looked over his shoulder, and you were astonished to see the mean glare he cast her.

Charlotte finally bowed her head in submission.

As you both reached your room, Baldwin seemed to finally return to his usual self. "Oh princess, I just felt like my heart dropped when I was informed you werent in your room! You know the physicians have been emphasising bed rest-"

"What just happened back there, Baldwin?" You cut off his rambling.

"What was what, dear?"

"Baldwin." Your tone turned dead serious. "Why did you pull me away from her? What was Charlotte going to tell me?"

He looked into your eyes, and you could see the gears turning in his head. "Do not lie to me, Baldwin." You warned.

His gaze turned sharp. "I just didnt want you to listen to anything she had to say." He sat on your bed, leaning forward as he clasped his hands. "She's... not in the right state of mind."

Ah. So she's "crazy".

"Why is she not in the right mind? And why is she here then?" You demanded answers.

Baldwin sighed, rubbing his temples. "You should not be burdened with that. I am... handling it." He got up, taking your hands in his. "Just trust me, princess. I am doing this to protect you."

Fuck. That.

You wanted to backhand him so bad, but you also did not want your head chopped off. Seriously though... the nerve men have. To not only frame Charlotte as being "off her meds" but also basically admit to cheating because he's doing this to "protect you", what kind of bullshit is that?

But alas, your time machine was still not fixed and if the most

"pious" man could be cheating on you with a smile plastered on his face, you didnt think any other man of this era would fair any better.

So you played the fool.

"Of course I trust you, Baldwin." You let him kiss your hairline sweetly, though you felt anything but.

-

It didn't surprise you the next day when you tried to look for Lady Charlotte, only to be told that she left the day before, in the dead of the night.

Baldwin couldnt be looking anymore guilty than he is at the moments. Seriously, kicking out your lover the day your fiancee finds out about her existence?

You scoffed. He can do whatever the hell he wants, you're going to be leaving for Egypt soon anyways.

Returning to your room, you decided to read the letters that you had stole from Charlotte's room yesterday.

The 4 letters you had managed to take, all were from Baldwin detailing that he would "help her" and "cares for her still", etc. However, the last letter, the latest one, dated to almost 10 days ago, the same time you were away in Egypt, told Charlotte that he had been cured of leprosy, and would be soon able to get her the "cure" too. But this letter, it was signed off as "King Baldwin IV" and not "Baldwin" as in other letters.

All the previous letters, all of them were months old, or at the very least, they were all written before he announced his engagement. Which meant that for more than a month now, Baldwin hadnt written to her, kind of surprising, since he wrote to her- according to the dates, at least every two weeks. So why hadnt he wrote to her after deciding to marry you? He never mentioned you to her before-

You looked up in realisation. Did... did Baldwin plan to use you as a universal "cure"? You exhaled sharply in disbelief. No, no way. Baldwin doesnt actually believe in all that religious mumbo jumbo about you being an "angel sent by God who has magic healing powers". But-

Your heart sank. Of course, he does. Thats why he's making that "royal body of physicians", the best from around the world, to study you. He never wanted to study the female body to help your period cramps! He's gonna use you as a fucking lab rat to make himself and his people invincible! He wants you to cure them all!

What happens- what happens when he realises that I cant cure anyone? What's he going to do to me?

Your throat ran dry at the silent answer. You've read about medieval torture. They're brutal.

You heard footsteps coming towards your room, so you quickly his your letters and tried to look normal again.

"Princess?" Baldwin knocked before entering, not waiting for your permission. He beamed as he looked at you, walking upto you to kiss your cheek, but frowned immediately. "Princess, you're sweating. Are you okay?"

You wiped the cold sweat quickly. Nodding at him, you changed the subject. "Where are you going?" You asked, looking at his clothes.

"Oh! I'm going hunting! Its been a while, and I read somewhere that bone marrow is very nutritious for the body, so I'm going to hunt some animals for you." He explained ecstatically before grinning at you as he leaned down to your level. "But since its been so long since I last went hunting, I decided I needed some good luck. So... princess, will you bless me with some luck?"

"W-what?" You stammered out at the proximity. He turned his cheek, glancing at you expectantly. Oh, he cant be serious.

"Do you want your king, your soon-to-be husband to die?" He teased, but at the same time, you knew he wouldnt leave until you did what he wanted.

Swallowing thickly, you leaned in slowly and gave him a quick peck on his cheek, right where his dimple appeared when you did. Immediately, he turned face back to you and grabbed your head to steady and planted a wet kiss on your forehead.

"My luckiest charm!" He chuckled, pinching your nose as your flushed. "I'll be back before dinner!" He said on his way out.

-

3 hours later, you had finally decided to leave. You cant wait until another week and who knows if Baldwin will even let you leave then? What if he figures out that there is no family in Egypt for you and decides to lock you away in the dungeons to be experimented on?

Ironic how you as a scientist will now be a guinea pig for medieval era "scientists".

You had sneaked out of your room without anyone noticing, a feat in itself since the place is crawling with knights and servants.

But of course, Baldwin would've made sure there was at least one person tailing your every move.

"Princess Y/n?" The knight commander of your security detail called out. What were the odds of him leaving his post at the front of the castle, to walk in on you mounting a horse in the stables at the back of this castle? "Where are you going? His Majesty told me that you would be resting in your room today."

You blinked at him, trying to come up with an excuse. "I- I-"

He looked at you with even more concern, however that would start turning into suspicion soon if you don't answer him soon.

"Chapel!" You blurted out. "I- I am going to the royal chapel... to uh- isolate myself."

"Isolate?"

"Y-yes, because of my- um flow. I do not want to risk his majesty or- anyone getting sick because of me." The knight commander seemed satisfied with your explanation. He nodded, signalling a couple of other knights his way. "Very well, princess. Let these knights accompany you to the chapel, and they will keep guard while you isolate yourself inside."

You know he wouldnt let you go without knights, so you dont argue. Besides, the royal chapel is huge. You're sure you can sneak out of there unnoticed by these knights.

-

At the chapel, you waited until it was dark and the last of the church staff had taken their leave. You had found a small window to squeeze through, but just then, one of the knights knocked on the door of your chapel.

You didnt answer at first, hoping that they'd think you were asleep and dont disturb you again. However, they knocked again, this time with more persistence.

Grumbling, you returned to your bed and messed up your hair, pretending like you just woke up.

"Yes?"

The knight barged in, looking spooked. "A-apologies for waking you up, princess but-! But his majesty-!" You got up from your bed, brows furrowing.

"His Majesty has been injured during the hunt!" He stammered out.

Your eyes widened. Baldwin got injured? The knight began ushering you out of the chapel. "We must return to palace now! Its not safe!"

"What? Why?" You stopped him from helping you mount your horse. He looked at the other knights who were all on high alert as they kept looking around.

"The king was shot by an arrow!"

-

You were now back at the castle, against your will, so running away will have to wait. You were going to go to your room, but the knight commander ushered you towards Baldwin's.

"Why am I going there?" You asked as he escorted you.

"The king is injured." He replied. "So? Fetch the physicians."

"I did." He stopped to look at you. "But His Majesty has refused them from helping. He asked for you specially."

Oh no. Is he- is he going to make you "heal" him again? But you dont have any of your medicinal potions anymore. So when he realises you cant heal him-

You stood in front of his door.

Will he kill me?

You entered the room, spotting him lying on the bed bare chested, with an arrow stuck in his left shoulder blade.

Baldwin's eyes were closed, but his brows were furrowed in pain, sweat glistening from his entire body.

As you walked near, you spotted the bandages and ointments left by the physicians.

"B-Baldwin?" Your voice was so small, heart thumping against your chest as his eyes fluttered open weakly.

"P-princess?" He sounded so frail. Somehow, despite the state he was in, he managed to smile. "You came?"

You nodded. "You asked for me."

"I did. Only you can heal me from this. Only you can save me from death."

Save him?

You had him sit up to inspect the wound. "I-" Your eyes narrowed at the wound, and then at his face.

"Baldwin." He hummed weakly in response. Gritting your teeth, you ripped out the arrow from his shoulder, making him gasp in pain. "What did you do that for?!"

You waved the arrow in his face. "This hadnt penetrated through your shoulder! It wasnt even in that deep!" You threw the arrow to your side. "You werent dying! You're not even close to dying!"

He pouted, rubbing his shoulder where a small hole was. "So? It still hurt. Just bandage me-"

"Why didnt you have the physicians do it for you?!"

"Why would I when I have you? Come on, nurse me back to health, princess." He sighed when you glared at him. "Okay fine. I only called for you because well- you've been very distant with me."

Your nostril flared. "And whose fault is that?" You gritted out before turning to leave.

"Wait, princess-" He called out from behind. You werent going to listen to another word- another lie! Twisting the handle, you opened the door, only for it to be slammed shut by hand coming over you.

"Princess~" Baldwin turned you around, pushing you against the door as he locked it. "You arent going anywhere until we clear this out."

You pushed him away. "I dont want to clear it out." Baldwin's brows rose at your harsh tone. You turned around to leave again but Baldwin grabbed your wrist, tugging you to his chest.

"Y/n." His eyes pierced through you. "Why are you acting like this?"

You didnt answer. "Let me go, Baldwin." "No. Answer me-" "Let me go, Baldwin." "Princess, youre being unfair to me. What did I do to deserve such harshness from the one person I love the most-"

"You kissed Charlotte."

The color drained from his face, and the shock of being caught made him release your wrist. "Did Charlotte tell you this?"

Before either of you could react, you slapped him. Baldwin stared at you in shock, holding his cheek. You just slapped a king- the king of the HOLY LAND, but you honestly couldnt bring yourself to care about the conseuquences of your actions.

You backed away from him as tears pooled into your eyes. "You arent even denying it. You kissed her."

"Charlotte kissed me-"

"But you didnt push her back!" You screamed, tears finally flowing free. "I saw it- I fucking saw it, Baldwin!"

"Y/n listen to me-"

"If you loved Charlotte, if you planned on getting back with her, why did you propose to me?! I never wanted to marry you, Baldwin, so why did you lead me on?!"

"Thats not true! Just listen-"

"As if fooling around my back wasnt enough, you let her stay inside the castle even after I had returned! I mean I get you didnt think you would ever get to do it due to leprosy, but how desperate did you have to be to bed her while I was still in the castle?!"

"ENOUGH!" He roared, face red from rage. "You will calm down right now, or I will make you calm down!"

You looked at him betrayed and hurt, as Baldwin closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his his nose, taking deep breaths to collect himself.

"You've accused me of something. I deserve to explain myself." He stated.

"Charlotte and I were engaged when we were just children. Her father used to work for my father, as a knight. When he was on his deathbed due to getting wounded gravely when he saved my father, he made me promise that I would always take care of Charlotte." He paused before continuing. "When I found out I had leprosy, I broke off our engagement and when she came of age, I found her a suitable noble to marry. Eventually, they had a son. Her husband... he eventually lost all of his land and money in a gamble. So I tried to help Charlotte financially over the years, because I was the one who found her this man. She didnt deserve to be married to such man."

He recalled the events. "One day, Charlotte wrote to me that her husband had fallen sick. Terribly so. He kept on coughing and coughing until he began hacking up blood. My physicians told me that he had pthisis as the Greeks call it, or "consumption."

You remember studying about medival diseases- one of which was "consumption". Or in modern day- "Tuberculosis."

"I tried to help out, but there was no cure. The man died a slow and painful death. Charlotte loved her husband, despite all his faults, so his death did take a toll on her mentally. I continued to support her, but there was only so much I could do as a leper king. Things seemed to be going well until last year, when her son fell sick. The physicians said he was suffering with consumption as well, but it was still in the early stages so they had hope they could treat it. They took his son with them to the infirmary in Byzantine, where the best possible care would be provided for him. I made sure of it." He sighed. "But the odds were not in his favour. I got a letter from the head physician that Charlotte's son would not survive the winter. Charlotte was there with her son, day and night, she'd never leave his side. The physicians told her about her son's life expectancy. As expected, she was devastated, but at least now she could prepare herself and spend the rest of his days together."

"Then I announced our engagement, and I didnt write to Charlotte because I didnt think it would be appropriate to share this news with her at such a pivotal time. However, news must've reached her about my leprosy being cured and before I knew it, she was here. You were still in Egypt when Charlotte came, and she wanted to meet you. At first I thought it was because she wanted to congratulate you, but I found out that it was because she-" Baldwin shook his head, before looking right at you. "She thought you could cure her son."

"What? Why would she-" Of course, everyone thinks youre made of magic because of Baldwin.

"That's not the worst part. Charlotte's son was already dead before she had even reached Jerusalem. The physician informed me of his death, and that he had warned Charlotte of it too, but she still came here instead of being with her son."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "She came here because you asked her to-"

"I didnt! Why would I do that? Especially when you werent even here to help her?" Baldwin took a deep breath before continuing on. "When I informed her of her son's death- She lost it. She lost herself. I just- I promised to take care of her, Y/n."

"So you kissed her? To make her fall in love with you? Was that the plan?"

"I didnt kiss her, she kissed me!" Baldwin gritted out. "Even after her son's death, she wanted to meet you so that you could bring her son back to life. No matter how much I explained that it isnt possible to bring him back, she wouldnt listen. I told her that you're not some sort of witch that cast a spell to cure me-"

"So why did she kiss you?" You cut him off.

Baldwin licked his lips. "Charlotte knew the story of how you cured me. She figured that if she cant get you, then she can have me help her. In her head, she thought that since I drank your water that had your saliva, I had your essence- your healing abilities in me. So, she kissed me."

He could see the realisation dawning on you. Charlotte kissed him to get your "healing power"?

"I didnt push her back- because I was surprised. And then I pitied her. I didnt know how to break it to her again that nothing can bring her son back. That she was all alone now. Because of me. I had her marry that man, who got consumption, and then his son contracted it as well. I am the reason for her losing everything!" His eyes twinkled with tears, but he didnt let one tear slip.

Wait a minute. If Baldwin knew her son was dying and didnt call her here, then-

You closed your eyes. Fucking Guy.

Of course, only he'd be the one to address the letter as "King Baldwin IV". And you already figured out why he called Charlotte.

"We can kill Baldwin by making him sick again" Guy thought that Charlotte would bring her son, or at the very least bring a series of diseases from the Byzantine infirmary to infect Baldwin with.

Fucking idiot.

Baldwin took your hands in his. "Princess, I never cheated on you. I know I should've told you about Charlotte but... I didnt want to burden you. You already are busy trying to find your family and when you returned, you were tired and then you had your flow. I just- I didnt want to pile up more stuff on you." His hand cupped your cheek tenderly. "You know that I love you. You know that my affection for you is real. Thats why it hurt you so much when saw you her kissing me, because deep down, you knew I wouldn't betray you like this."

His blue were firm as he spoke the next words with conviction.

"You are the beginning of my soul. And you are the end of it."

Tears slipped down your face as you felt him kiss your forehead before wrapping you in his arms, continuing to kiss your forehead again and again.

Finally, you wrapped your arms around him, nodding. Accepting.

Sniffling, you pulled away before tugging him to sit on the bed as you began bandaging his shoulder. Fortunately, the wound wasnt too deep, so you didnt need to introduce "sutures" to medieval era.

Baldwin smiled softly as you tied his bandage, taking your hand and pressing a kiss on top of it. "I'm all better now." You smiled sadly.

"What?" He asked you. You sniffled again. "Princess, what is it?" He pulled you to sit on his lap, tapping your chin.

"I slapped you." You reminded him.

He nodded. "I remember."

"I'm sorry." "I know." He smiled assuringly. Honestly, you were so overcome with emotion that you hadnt realised the risk you took. Baldwin could've easily had your head chopped off at the offence.

"You're not mad?" You whispered, peeking at him from your lashes. He hummed thoughtfully. "No, not mad. I am hurt by your lack of trust me in though, but I take half the blame in this as you did see someone kissing me." He grinned at you. "I do know how you can make it up to me though."

You raised a brow.

"How about... you and I..." he tipped your chin to meet his eyes as he leaned close. "... cuddle tonight?"

"You want cuddles?" You asked, lips quirking at his childishness. He nodded excitedly. "Yes. As you know, I am gravely injured, I need all the love and attention from my beloved angel~" You squealed as he pulled you down with him on the mattress, bursting into giggles as he kissed your cheeks again and again.

After 10 minutes or so of you playing with his hair as he dreamily sighed, you suddenly had a question.

"Baldwin?" He hummed. "How did you get an arrow in your shoulder? You went hunting animals with knights."

Baldwin, with his eyes still closed, replied. "If I tell you, you'll get mad."

You tugged at his hair, making him open one eye. "Baldwin~" You warned.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you." He rested his head on his palm. "Well, since you were being distant to me and the knight commander told me you had housed yourself in the royal chapel under the excuse of "not wanting to make me sick", I figured I need to find a way to make you be close to me..."

Your face dropped at realisation.

"YOU SHOT YOURSELF WITH AN ARROW?!"

He shook his head in disbelief. "No, dont be silly. How would that be even possible?" You sighed in relief.

"I threatened my expert archer to shoot me with an arrow."

-

Sibylla burst through the door as soon as she had heard of her brother's grave injury, only to witness an odd sight:

Baldwin, with his shoulder bandaged, was doing sit-ups in front of Y/n, who was sitting on his bed, glaring at him with angry tears streaming down her face.

"Princess~ I said I'm sorryyyyy" Sibylla giggled, watching her younger sibling whine to you, but he shut up as another tear slipped down your cheek.

So, thoughts?

None of you guessed that reason for the kiss,did you? I better fucking get all the comments and asks or else I'm wreaking havoc

Part 6 is here!

[demonictacobeard]

Adam, coming out of his room for the first time:……Alright what the fuck do you guys even do here? Therapy, or some shit

Lucifer who had been waiting for him by the door: Charlie has activities usually, and is more then willing to talk to residents about their feelings and how they ended up in hell so that’s like therapy. I’m surprised you know about that, has heaven finally implemented it?

Adam, grumbling: No Heaven doesn’t fucking have therapy, but for the last ten years the newer winners have been asking why and the older angels had to find out what the fuck it is

Lucifer, humming: I do have to wonder how all the therapists up there don’t fall from utter frustration

Charlie, watching them come down the stairs excitedly: Hi Dad! Hi Adam! I’m so excited you came down. How are you feeling today, do you think you might be up for an activity? Or ooh, I never got to show you around the whole hotel just to your room. Whatever you feel like! Adam, stepping back: I knew she was excited during the meeting but Is she always this fucking cheery? It’s like Emily has a long lost twin from Hell

Angel Dust, from the bar: It’s the new resident joy, you’ll get used to it lambchop!

Husk, snorting: You act like you don’t adore that girl

Angel, pointing at him with three pointer fingers: You, shut up

Lucifer, beaming with pride: She’s very passionate about her work, always has been

Adam, groaning as Charlie looks at him with glimmering eyes: Dear fucking god, shit alright, fine I’ll take the tour

Vaggie, walking up to them with her spear: Good, because todays activity is Alastor’s idea and I don’t trust him not to ‘accidentally’ scar you emotionally instead

Charlie, gasping: Vaggie! Come on, Alastor wouldn’t do that

Lucifer and Vaggie, deadpan: Yes he would

Adam, crossing his arms: I don’t know the fucker, I just beat his ass, but yes the shit he would. Do you see that smile he has going on all the time? I haven’t seen one so fake since Michael’s

Lucifer, gaging: Hech Mike

Adam, nodding: Fucking Mike

Vaggie, vaguely remembering the angel: Do you mean….the Mike who was your bosses boss, the one who came around and inspected the exterminator’s once every ten years. That Mike?

Adam: That’s the bitch, Vag

Vaggie, her cheek twitching in anger: The ARCHANGEL MICHAEL?

Adam: Adding his title doesn’t unmake him a bitch

Lucifer, laughing: Nothing can

Charlie, smacking her head: Awful uncle Mike! Dad told me about him, don’t worry Adam Alastor is nothing like him. The smile is just….a tool for him? It’s harmless

Adam, rolling his eyes: The bartender just looked at you like you lied to gods face and then fucking spat on it, but whatever. I’ll do the activities and shit, later, but only ones you’re in charge of- why does your face look like that?

Charlie singing to Vaggie, after grabbing a confused Adam’s elbow and happily dragging him on the tour: He trusts meeeee!

Adam, flushing: ONLY MORE THEN THAT FUCKING DEER!

Lucifer, following them: Thats still a little, you know

Angel, laughing at Alastor when he walked in ten minutes later: Hey Alastor, guess what sheep boy trusts the devil and the devil’s daughter more then you. How’s that make you feel?

Alastor, his smile becoming more genuine: Positively ‘devastated’

[amalythea]

Hiiiiii beloved happy birthday!

51. “…please don’t come any closer.” “why not?” “i don’t want to hurt you.” “who said you would?”

I do not remeber if you are platonic only or you do romance but anyway

If platonic Collei if romantic Childe (0 memory if you do write for them really sorry if you dont, you can just ignore it) and xreader (GN is fine by me, lets be inclusive) that has been trained as a archon residue black fire weapon? (yes, thats me not writting my fics and using events to see it on page) songs? Maybe "Just a man" from epic or "House of Memories"?

Aniway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY

「 weapon 」

⤷ info: childe x gn!reader, collei x gn!reader (platonic) || hurt/comfort || wc:

⤷ warnings: angst (just a little), reader's a weapon and they're scared, mentions of jumping, childe calls reader "darling" once, reader is struggling man they need a hug

⤷ extra: hi Clara! i actually write for both, haha and thank you for the kind words!! also i wasn't exactly sure what "archon residue black fire weapon" meant so i just used my imagination for it. (@romaritimeharbor i think you'll like this one )

Childe.

The night was heavy with mist, the damp air clinging to your skin as you stood at the edge of the cliff overlooking the churning ocean below. A faint glow of black fire flickered at your fingertips, refusing to be extinguished no matter how hard you willed it away. It was a cruel reminder of what you were—what you had been made into.

Behind you, footsteps crunched on the gravel. You froze.

“Darling.” His voice, warm and teasing, felt like a lifeline. “You’re not planning on jumping, are you? That’s my thing.”

You turned sharply, the flickering fire flaring in your sudden panic. “Childe—stop! Don’t come any closer.”

His pace faltered for a moment, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. But instead of retreating, he tilted his head, his usual cocky grin softening. “Why not?”

“Because…” You clenched your fists, trying to suppress the blaze. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence between you, broken only by the distant roar of the ocean. Then, Childe chuckled, a sound so at odds with your turmoil that it almost made you angry.

“Who said you would?” he asked, taking another step forward.

“Don’t,” you pleaded, stepping back. “You don’t understand. This… this fire—it destroys everything. It was made to destroy Archons. What do you think it could do to you?”

“And what do you think I am?” he shot back, his tone light but his gaze serious. “Do I look like I scare easy? Come on, you’ve seen me fight. You think a little fire is going to keep me away from you?”

“This isn’t a joke, Childe!” Your voice cracked. The fire surged with your rising emotions, casting eerie shadows on the ground.

“I know it’s not,” he said softly, finally stopping in his tracks. “But you’re not a weapon to me. You’re… you. And I trust you.”

His words made your chest ache. How could he not see it? You weren’t a person—you were a creation, a tool forged from Archon residue and black fire. You didn’t deserve his trust, his warmth.

“You shouldn’t,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I don’t trust myself.”

“Then let me do it for you.” He took another step, and this time, you didn’t move away. “I know what it’s like to feel like a weapon, to think all you can do is hurt. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we’re more than what they made us into.”

The fire at your fingertips wavered, flickering like a dying ember. His words struck a chord deep within you, a part of you that had been buried under layers of fear and self-loathing.

“...What if I lose control?” you asked, your voice trembling.

“Then I’ll be here to bring you back,” he said without hesitation, holding out his hand. “But I don’t think you will.”

For the first time, you considered the possibility that he might be right. Slowly, tentatively, you reached out, your fingers brushing against his. The black fire crackled but didn’t lash out. Instead, it dimmed, as though soothed by his presence.

Childe’s smile widened, his grip firm as he pulled you closer. “See? Not so scary.”

You let out a shaky laugh, tears welling in your eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re stuck with me.” He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his warmth despite the flickering fire still lingering on your hands. “Black fire, Archon residue, whatever. None of it changes how I feel about you.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you allowed yourself to believe him.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Collei.

The forest was quiet except for the soft rustle of leaves underfoot and the occasional chirp of a distant bird. The usual peace of Gandharva Ville felt heavier tonight, though—tainted by the low, unsettling crackle of black fire at your fingertips. No matter how hard you tried, it wouldn’t extinguish.

“Hey!” Collei’s cheerful voice broke the silence, startling you. You turned to see her jogging toward you, a bright smile on her face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Your stomach twisted in guilt. “Collei… don’t.”

She stopped a few steps away, tilting her head in confusion. “Don’t what?”

“Please,” you said, your voice trembling. “Don’t come any closer.”

The smile on her face faltered, replaced by concern. “Why not? What’s wrong?”

“I…” You clenched your fists, trying to keep the fire from flaring. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Collei blinked, clearly startled by your words. “Hurt me? You wouldn’t do that.”

“You don’t understand!” Your voice rose, panic spilling out with every word. “This fire—it’s not normal. It’s not something I can control. It was made to destroy Archons, Collei. What if I can’t stop it from hurting you?”

Collei was quiet for a moment, her green eyes searching your face. Then she took a step forward, ignoring your sharp intake of breath. “Who said you would?”

Your heart lurched. “Collei, stop—”

“No.” Her voice was steady, but her expression was gentle. “You’re my friend. I know you, and I know you’d never hurt me. Not on purpose.”

“That’s the thing,” you said bitterly. “What if I do it without meaning to? What if I lose control? I’m not just a person, Collei. I’m… I’m a weapon.”

“You’re not a weapon.” Her words were firm, but her tone was kind. “You’re my friend. And whatever this fire is, it doesn’t change that.”

Tears prickled at your eyes, the weight of her trust almost unbearable. “You don’t get it. You should be scared of me.”

Collei shook her head, stepping closer despite the black flames licking at your skin. “I’m not scared of you. I know what it’s like to think you’re dangerous, to feel like you’re nothing but a tool for someone else’s plans. But Tighnari and everyone else showed me that it’s not true. And I want to show you the same.”

Her words struck a chord deep within you, and for a moment, the fire dimmed. You stared at her, at the way she stood unwavering despite the danger, and something in your chest cracked.

“What if I lose control again?” you whispered.

“Then I’ll be here to help you,” she said simply, holding out her hand. “But I don’t think you will. You’re stronger than you think.”

You hesitated, staring at her outstretched hand. Slowly, you reached out, letting your fingertips brush against hers. The fire hissed but didn’t lash out, its destructive energy strangely quiet in her presence.

“There,” she said softly, her smile returning. “See? You’re okay.”

A shaky laugh escaped your lips, tears spilling over. “How are you so calm about this?”

“Because I believe in you,” she said, squeezing your hand gently. “And I’ll remind you of that as many times as you need.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you allowed yourself to believe her.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

[borzoilover69]

Handy book of tips and tricks for using Krita (by a user thats used krita for a while)

HI! So i'm a krita user, and i figure since i know fellow artists that are moving to krita, i might as well make a handy guide to some of the tricks i use to snazzy up my art and basic howtos. This will be splitup into three sections: Tools, Layers, Filters. I'll also be interspersing how i used them in my art as examples!! Thisll be a two parter so hold on tight.

Shortcut keys: P = colourpick E = eraser B = brush

Tools:

Obviously try using all of the brushes and seeing which ones you like. Krita has a myriad of handy and good brushes, and you can even make your own if you feel like it. I personally like to modify the rectangle eraser to a normal brush and using it, before i modified it a little more to be my own brush.

You can change the settings of the brush youre using on any layer by clicking this little dropdown menu in the top left of your screen. That little three dot button by the left side also goes into more detail about the brushes in case you want to fine tune a brush to your liking.

Personally, these are the custom brush edits ive used to make my art just that bit crunchier. As you can see, theres a lot more options you can tick and mess around with if you feel like it too.

The pin button is the reference tool. If you copy paste an image into krita while the pin tool is selected, it will appear as its own image above all layers that can be moved around using the pin tool to use as a reference. Real handy so you dont waste layers on ref images.

Layer styles

Ok, you probably know the basics of how to change layers, (its this little dropdown menu here) but did you know that krita has a cool thing called LAYER PROPERTIES??

If you right click a layer and click this little button here..it should bring you to this handy menu with styles! These are really useful

Now, i used to usually use outer glow set to these parameters to give the illusion of lines (and this is how anime artists usually line their very delicate pieces of hair and stuff), but i found an even better way!!

Its called stroke, and you can just modify it to be as thin or thick as you like. I recently used it for these two pieces, because its more precise, and used across multiple layers makes your work look cool and like you gave a damn about lineart. This is especially helpful if youre a stubborn son of a bitch that isnt going to to take the time to line your lineless work, or if you want to line really small items like string on shoelaces and not have it look messy (just set the colour to white and draw as usual.)

PART TWO

[kissycat]

A lot of the AI criticism is formulated in a way that makes it evident people literally don't know how others are even using it. When people use chatgpt for cover letters it usually doesn't mean that they write "give me a cover letter" and then blindly copy-paste that, but that they say "write me a cover letter for position xy which requires the following qualifications, and here's a list of my qualifications and experiences that I want the letter to highlight" and then check and modify the generated text, i.e. they use it as a language tool and not an info tool. And it can be helpful for that! Especially in tasks that require formulaic uncreative text (like cover letters, grant proposals, reports, some emails etc pp), because thats what chatgpt will always output.

I dont even think that it produces GOOD results, but sometimes it's enough to have a mid text that contains the correct info and you don't want to spend hours writing the info into that format. Especially for people who are not good with words for whatever reason, because it's not their first language or writing is just not their thing. It's fine. Most people are not as stupid as you think

[mayakern]

Can i ask how you trained rodeo to always come back to you? Lol i always think thats such an impressive trick to do bc my dog would leave me in a heartbeat if someone gave him a hotdog

for me, as someone who likes being able to take off leash walks (when appropriate), recall is an absolutely vital and fundamental tool. it’s also not something that can be taught in the same way for every dog.

for rodeo specifically, because he is so high drive and intelligent and independent, we actually worked with a local trainer who specializes in high drive dogs (think malinois and german shepherds) to help us with a number of things, one of them being recall. before working with her i never would have dreamed of having rodeo off leash outside anywhere other than a very controlled area, like a securely fenced in yard. i even had a 30ft leash i would take rodeo out on, even in places where i was comfortable with annie being off leash.

actually, in many ways, i think i was TOO hands on and fretful over rodeo. he’s a very sensitive and protective little guy. he knows the instant when i’m anxious, and he’s always trying to interpose himself between me and any strangers (be they dog or human) that come our way. our first day out on trails together with the trainer (after he’d had a couple weeks at her house), she just had him off leash walking with us and he was… fine? i always thought the moment he was off lead that he’d bolt for the woods and resurface like an hour later with a dead rabbit or something, but he stuck very close at first—way closer than he does now—i think because he was also anxious.

i do want to stress again that this is not training i could have done on my own—not for rodeo, anyway. he’s too smart and too stubborn lol. even our trainer found him difficult to work with because he’s just a goblin man. she had to rethink all her usual training strategies just for this guy. anyway, she eventually figured him out and trained him with three variations on recall: a soft recall for when he’s drifting a little far away and we want him within 15ft of us, a medium recall that means he can wrap up what he’s sniffing and then come, and then a hard recall that means he needs to come immediately and needs to end up directly next to us. continually practicing and enforcing these—and rewarding with treats for good recall—is vital and if he fails a recall, he loses the privilege of being off lead for the rest of that walk. it also helps to have annie at his side, who has very good recall, because he gets FOMO when he sees her getting treats for recall lol

it’s been about a year since that initial intensive training and rodeo is now much more comfortable running further afield. the added freedom has done so much good for him. it really was like an overnight transformation. yes, he’s still a little goblin man, but having that bit of freedom and having that trust between us has done worlds of good for him and for our relationship. he’s so much calmer and more confident now, which is very good, because rodeo is a dog that loves conflict and, when anxious, will choose biting over most other forms of resolution.

anyway my TLDR is to go find a trainer that specializes in your type of dog and your needs. most dogs probably don’t need the intensive training rodeo received, but most dogs aren’t this guy so 🤷‍♀️

[cozzzynook]

The war is raging and Hot Rod has a sparkling which looks like Soundwave. Realizing the Autobots might hurt his sparkling he leaves wanting to get off world. Soundwave doesn't know about the sparkling because it was a one time fling and he doesn't want to tell him.

Oooooh i love the drama!

Hot rod definitely had a sparkling in secret. I personally think he’d leave before he starts showing. He didn’t really sleep with bots on his side of the war and i’d like to change it up and say he and Soundwave would meet multiple times throughout the war to interface and just hold each other.

Of course its not serious but it is at the same time.

They don’t feel like this with anyone else and they don’t even try to.

They have a comm thats based on feeling and they can find each other by using it and know how the other feels as well. They use it to meet after a particularly hard battle and hold each other for a long time not saying anything.

Their touches are gentle and hurried this time instead of rough and quick with fear of being caught.

Soundwave puts on a spike wrap and Hot rod puts on a valve protector, the usual between them.

They leave the next morning, risky but it felt necessary this time.

This was a battle that changed the war and made tensions erratic as the damage to their planet had become too great. It was at this moment they were rethinking the war and how to go about it. None wanted their home destroyed and Soundwave and Hot rod were included in that.

The two parted ways and hadn’t seen each other for a while like usual when Hot rod started feeling tired and eventually he started to feel sick like he’d purge all the time.

He ran an internal scan and was horrified to find he was sparked.

He couldn’t evacuate the sparkling because they didn’t have the tools and he would be outed as a traitor. So he decided to try going off world to evacuate the sparkling but he..couldn’t go through with it.

He’d heard their forming spark beat and just..couldn’t do it.

So he stayed off world.

He didn’t report back with his commanding officer and he left his badge on the desk along with his blaster.

They would know what it meant.

He didn’t tell Soundwave and he didn’t open the bond they shared.

He completely left everything behind and started fresh on his own on a new planet where neutrals were the majority and no one knew him.

He entered emergence and had his sparkling two years later and was on berth rest in his small home when he received a knock on his door.

He was immediately on guard seeing as he didn’t get visitors and he’d just had his sparkling a day ago, literally.

He wouldn’t be able to get the door even if he wanted and so he waited for them to leave, holding his sparkling that looked exactly like Soundwave from frame shape and color to having four optics that were a lighter shade of purple just like the mech.

He held his bitty close as he also held a rifle in his servo and aimed at the door.

The intruder had broken the door and came inside with deceptively light steps.

When the doorknob turned he waited for them, digit on the trigger as he looked tiredly with a dead glare. Intent on protecting his sparkling and himself.

When the door fully opened, his digit instinctively moved from the trigger.

Soundwave stood in the door, frame frozen as his helm jerked back and remained tense.

His tentacles stopped moving and his servo just held the knob for support as he took in the sight of Hot rod holding a sparkling that looked like an exact copy of him with a rifle pointed straight at him.

He took in the exhaustion on Hot rod’s frame and how his arms shook.

The scent of fresh sparkling and a carrier coming down from emergence strain was too heavy in the air.

Hot rod had left him with no warning and he’d been searching for him this entire time wondering what happened and why the mech just left him.

Now he knew.

And he wishes the mech would’ve told him.

“My Sparkling and Hot rod: healthy?”

“Yes, our sparkling is fine,” Hot rod let the rifle drop and Soundwave came inside the room, sitting on the berth.

“My hot rod: condition?”

“Tired..”

He could tell.

Soundwave slowly touched their sparkling and cradled them, holding the small bitty to his chassis where a bond immediately formed.

The sparkling cooed at him in recharge but remained otherwise undisturbed.

“Conversation: will happen once rested. Recharge. Soundwave: not leaving.”

And that..that was something Hot rod dreamed of hearing.

“Promise..”

He couldn’t stop the emotive flux from grabbing hold and he was glad Soundwave didn’t mind.

“Promise: on sparks honor.”

He fell unconscious immediately and Soundwave watched over him and their sparkling. Taking in every single detail of the two as he relaxed next to Hot rod.

[tenabrye]

Could I possibly get some headcanons for what type of music Vash, Nick, and Knives would listen to in a modern au?

If not thats totally fine! Thank you so much!

I hope I wrote this well since a lot of bands and artists can fall under a variety of genres.

Vash

Psychedelic rock is a genre he's not afraid to admit liking and listening to. MGMT, Tame Impala, Pink Floyd, etc. He typically likes to hum along and even sway his body to the beat, oftentimes just flat out dancing to the rhythm if it's a song or band that he can get really get into.

Alternative/Indie rock is another good genre for him. His top five might include Arctic Monkeys, Florence + The Machine, Two Door Cinema Club, Chase Atlantic, and possibly Teflon Sega. Not only do a lot of the ones he listens to sound amazing, but some songs just feel good after a stressful day.

Alternative/Indie pop, but he's picky about this genre. Lana Del Rey, Twenty One Pilots, and Blink-182 are just a few that he'll listen to. He's open for recommendations with this genre, though.

Synthwave is his JAM. It's his go-to genre for literally doing any sort of chore around the house. Kavinsky, Trevor Something, Mr. Kitty, and Wayfloe. He may also listen to such songs when trying to sleep, as they have an easy way of relaxing him.

Anything classical, but that's really only because his brother likes it. He's not really picky with any pieces belonging to this genre, but he does tend to listen to the softer, less intense ones. Sometimes he'll play a piece, whether it be on his own piano or from an app on his phone, and just think about Knives and how he's doing at the moment.

Knives

He's very into the classical genre, so anything from Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, and Puccini can and will be heard in his home. He'd much rather play the pieces himself than to use an app to listen to them, however, he'll elect to use the app if he doesn't have any intentions to play them himself.

Classic pop, which he's honestly very picky about. He leans more towards artists that are similar to Frank Sinatra, and of course he listens to Michael Bublé.

Synthwave, but only because Vash had it playing when he visited. He didn't care much for the genre, at first, but it grew on him. Only listens to Kavinsky and Wayfloe, though. Might seem stubborn to broaden this genre, but he's just picky.

Alternative/indie. Only listens to Florence + The Machine, Lana Del Rey, and Fleurie. Such powerful and captivating voices will always grace his ears for as long as he lives. Not that anyone would know he listens to them.

Industrial metal, but no one will ever know. His favorites from the genre are Rammstein, Oomph!, Celldweller, and Nine Inch Nails. He once heard Vash play an Oomph song and got scared, thinking his brother knew about it.

Wolfwood

Alternative just oozes out of this man. Bands/artists such as Muse, Sub Urban, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, ThxSoMch, etcetera, are what he will be listening to. Will even sing along to the song if he's feeling it, and that happens a lot.

Not opposed to rock or heavy metal. Metallica, Slipknot, Korn, Tool, even Ghost are bands he'll listen to. He likes the volume loud a lot, however, he'll make exceptions for when people visit him.

Rap rock bands such as Hollywood Undead, Linkin Park, and Limp Bizkit are also thrown into the mix. Listens to it during chores because he says it "energizes" him. Will most definitely sing along to every song.

Electropop, yeah, he likes it. Anything similar to Graveyardguy, Slayyyter, Night Club, and Ayesha Erotica he likes. Vash doesn't like riding in the car with him ever since he played Emo Boy with a smirk. Kidding, since the blond suggests similar songs for car rides now.

Metalcore, but he only ever listens to this genre when he's in a certain mood. Usually a bad one, but he thinks listening to bands like Bring Me the Horizon, Bullet for My Valentine, All That Remains, and Of Mice & Men will cancel out his bad moods. It's become a tell of his that lets everyone know how he's feeling without saying.

[rin-and-jade]

do you have any advice for communicating with alters for new systems?

We had it lucky being able to talk to each other just fine inside, so take these advices with a grain of salt because it may or may not work for you.

Using external tools: i find my people articulating better when written down in a paper or doing it on phone, maybe on discord or notes app. Sometimes brain just fails us and made everything blurry to hear so this had worked.

Calling out: we had a bunch who won’t talk until someone actively searches for them (we can feel parts lurking around) and engage in a chat, first it felt awkward, but the point is to warm up with them so they’re not reluctant to talk next time. So asking if there’s anyone and kindly want to talk at that moment might work at first try, or doesn’t.

Practice in silence: noisy places disrupt my focus (and can to you) so it’s way harder to send a message or receive one if there’s already a lot of transmission from the external world. I find it better to do it in silence where i can focus better, to vocalize words and see if anyone responded, just putting every attention i have in noticing signs or someone.

Innerworld: this is a helpful mental environment to foster greater communication, my people (because I can’t) always try to go inside if could because that’s how we can talk in ease, we can see each other, pay attention to body language, those cues that you can’t get when focusing on the outside. If you don’t have a complete one, or none,, then you should actively focus on worldbuilding. (Ask me again about this if needed)

Stay receptive: the voices can feel muted than usual, that we may not even realize they’re trying to communicate. Also pay attention if you feel any else’s feelings in your body because thats also a cue in trying to communicate (but maybe just not in words, thats fair) since most people miss this one out often.

Anyway, this is all i got, i also suggest you to do more reading into internal communication because we learn better and faster from reading multiple resources, goodluck man.

- j

[theslyvoid9]

YOU DIDNT REBLOG IT BUT FUCK YOU !!!!!!!!!

3, 4, 18, 29, 31

FOR KEIHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AUGH WHAT THE HELL THATS ILLEGAL!!! BUT FINE I WILL TALK ABOUT KEIHO FUCK YOU!!!! heres the question list for anyone curious

for those wondering Keiho is my FFXIV Au Ra character who i love dearly :3

(hes usually more happy i just like this doodle jskdnf)

putting the actual response under read more because man it got long ^_^

also in the game i just finished stormblood so this guys story is still ongoing for me dkjfng (theres 3 more expansion packs, as of right now, for me to do)

okay hi to anyone reading this o/

3. weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?Keihos current weapon of choice is a lance! Being a lancer/dragoon class so big pointy stick sdjkdnsf.

The lore reason for Keiho going that route when becoming an adventurer i feel is mainly.. he was most used to holding lance like weapons and tools and felt it was the most comfortable way for him to get his journey started.

While the main stuff for his backstory before the beginning of the game is still kinda cooking for me, i do think he came from a smaller village kinda away from everything so they didn't have a lot of fancy resources to go around for a ton of swords or anything so the main weapons for hunting were lances. But he most likely did some spear fishing and stuff with it as well and is used to farm tools like pitchforks and hoes and stuff so again more used to lance like tools than anything else! But maybe he'll change that in the future and try different weapons now that he's got the adventure ball going!

(the none lore reason is i just liked the lance class the most and i havent bothered to try out any other class right now)

4. how crafty/resourceful are they?

i'd say they get by well enough! He's not some mastermind who's going to outsmart and trap supervillains left and right....and he definitely has his dumb moments. But he has his cleaver moments as well, def can sneak by, deceive and ambush pretty well against other regular, non super genius, folk. And can contribute in plannings if needed for battles and such.

But i do feel his resourcefulness comes out best in survival situations, he knows how to navigate the wilderness pretty well, knows how to hunt and make the most of food to make it last as long as possible and overall just knows how to get out and not die when dropped in the middle of the woods. Or build a sort of camp/housing if for whatever reason he wants to stay out there longer.

So not really some trap guy and not going to pull some crazy stunts during fights but can survive solo out in the wilderness pretty okay.

With this he is pretty lost in big cities on the other hand sjhbdnfds (me making a lore reason to explain why im always lost in limsa lominsa B) )

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

HMMMM now this is a rather nuanced answer considering... he is the warrior of light...Hero of Eorzea etc etc... so he has his actual beliefs, the thing he preaches as a warrior people look up to and the things he believes as a warrior whos seen some of the worst the world has to offer.

Overall he fights for a world where people dont have a need to lie, steal or kill and if pressured for a black and white answer he'd say those things are bad. BUT he gets why certain people dont have any other option besides lying or stealing or even killing and doing any of those things for a valid reason isn't going to lower Keihos opinion of someone even by a bit. No "there must've been another way" or "you should've toughed it out" nope he gets that sometimes... you just gotta do what you gotta do. If anything it just makes Keiho more motivated to be a good hero seeing what someone was pushed to do just to get by. So overall he looks at each case rather individually... after all he as a hero has done all of those things for the greater good so it be rather hypocritical of him sdjkfndjsk

He also gets that while some people have a valid reason...it isn't always a good reason to do sth like killing so again... just focuses on getting as much info and then makes a choice.

If anyone tries to ask what his opinion on white lies are he just completely avoids the topic saying sth like "arent there more pressing matters" he just really doesn't have the time to form opinions on whether white lies make someone inherently evil or good skjndf

29. are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

Hmm personally i haven't really put a lot of thought into what element Keiho could be sdjknf BUT in game he does have the title of "Warrior of light" so i guess i tend to associate him with light, and Keiho being a Raen Au Ra (that just meaning he has light scales instead of dark scales like the Xaela Au Ra) who believe they are descendants of Dawn Father just makes the light connection more strong huh xD

And i guess i do tend to link him with crystals due to his scales reminding me of that and him having several interactions and a blessing from the Mothercrystal goddess

so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ personally haven't thought about it but theres some building blocks there from the game

31. do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

Oh you chose this one specifically after that loredump i did on you huh

Okay lets take these one by one, receiving gift

Maybe back before their adventure days he would've like the occasional gift, never really liked anything to extravagant because ough you didn't need to, but small stuff like food or something handmade or some random material he needed, perfect. But after he became a hero and with every title he just.... stopped enjoying it, at some points just despises gifts all together, but not in the " i receive them so much" or the "i'm too good for these gifts" but more in the "hey i dont need nor deserve this :(( keep it to yourself you need it more :( " way. Along the way tho he also develops a weird "if i say no to a gift i'm being incredibly rude" mentality so that's when he gets super weird with gifts and wants to say "no, they dont need to go through all the effort for a gift for lil ol' me" but also the voice in the back being like if you refuse you're being rude!! so he just... puts on his hero persona and accepts it with grace.. so no one even really knows what kind of turmoil a simple loaf of bread just caused him dhsgfjukd and its quite literally nearly impossible to pry an answer out of him if you ever asked what he'd like for a gift, because the idea of requesting anything?!?!?! is just too much and he avoids the topic like the plague. quite literally need to corner him for a WHILE to get any sort of vague answer

my boy is stable :)

Giving gifts

He most likely won't have any sort of weird relationship with giving gifts but i honestly dont think he gifts a lot, he's more of a i'll walk to the ends of the earth for you kinda guy to his loved ones. But the most something like a gift i feel is he'll make food occasionally without being asked or he might pick up something from stores or similar places if someone mentioned it. If he was still just a civilian he'd make some crafts here and there as well (woodwork, jewellery etc etc). But with being a hero he most likely doesn't have a lot of time or energy for those sorts of things, and most likely mentally he isn't really in a stable place rn to be doing anything like that either way, but in the future when his mentality regarding being a hero improves he'll def be making some handcrafted stuff for his friends!

Ideal gift

This is a tough one considering all the above about him not even really wanting gifts sjkdlnmfk but

Before the adventure days, it probably would've been something really simple, like some tasty food or some rare material for personal projects or even just something handcrafted! something to show the other cared enough to really think what he'd like kinda thing

And that mentality does stay a bit for post adventurer keiho! He'd avoid the topic but honestly... getting anything non adventure related, just for keiho to have after all the adventure gear has been put away for the day like again some good food or a nice shirt or just...anything again to show that they care about keiho the guy and not keiho the adventurer who probably needs new chainmail under his armour. He gets something from the heart and he is going to cry guranteed

Anddd with that i have finally finished responding to this jksbdnfjhks

if anyone made it this far congrats! you get a bonus keiho

[sm0kebreaks]

So like. As amazing at the tma has been about fat acceptance and love and has been absolutely vital to a lot of my self acceptance as a fat trans man, because this fandom actually talks about fat people (as opposed to other fandoms where fat characters and hcs are nonexistent), it means it’s also exposed me to the most and worst fatphobia of any fandom. I genuinely don’t even gaf about the actual discourse discussed in this fandom, it’s generally the people who negatively react to discourse of ppl complaining about fatphobia. The initial problems are usually ignorable to me, but it ends up bringing up peoples voices that make it incredibly clear what their true thoughts about fat ppl are. Idrk why I thought I should share this with you, ig just seeing if you have similar experiences.

I struggle here because i don't like to feel like i am attacking other artists. i'm a hater and i love to complain but i know i have my own short comings. but when it comes to the fatphobia in this fandom im always left not knowing how to talk about things because people will come to me and tell me why my complaint about someone thinning out a fat character is wrong or bad.

do keep in mind i dont really engage with the tma fandom as much i feel very much on the outskirts so this is jsut what i feel like i see on my end and i'm sure theres way more going on i simply dont know

in recent months we have had a newer influx of artists in the fandom who have come in with their own interpretations of the characters which is all fine and good. its jarring sometimes when we become so used to these formless characters looking a certain way that when new people enter the fandom with different ideas it feels wrong and like an attack.

the biggest issue has been people drawing a thinner martin. and while of course everyones welcome to their own interpretation and martin expressing that he's not exactly the smallest guy has multiple ways to be interpreted it is extremely frustrating to see people take that as giving him the most bare minimum extra weight. especially when having a fat character as desirable and as a love interest and such a Fun character is so far and few between

i could go on and on about how each time a popular artist posts a thin martin it gives everyone who looks up to them the excuse to do the same and it's why it's become such a prevalent thing lately. i don't think popular artists should have to worry about being good role models or anything in a fandom i think if youre making art you should do it for fun but it sucks to see when someone becomes so influential and are creating a problem. i deleted like three paragraphs on this alone so i'm going to move on.

i think what i see in the fandom most in regards to fatphobia is a skill issue. people don't know how to draw fat characters. but it also feels like people are barely trying. the artist i have in mind who i would consider to draw skinny martins DOES add a bit of roundness to him. i can aknowledge theyre doing SOMETHING. but you can't come to me and tell me that i can't criticize their art because culturally that's fat to them... like sure it could be. but it's also definitely a limitation of their art style and ability and instead of defending them and patting them on the back for doing good enough shouldnt we encourage people to grow and improve? what an amazing asset to be able to draw people of all size and variety. thats an AMAZING abillity to have in youre tool belt. i wish i had more resources for drawing bodyfat but unfortunately i do not. i have learned from looking at people and luckily having a lot of large loved ones in my life i've learned from as well as you know.. my own body to learn from. and learning to draw bodyfat and drawing characters i love with it has done wonders for my body dysmorphia.

i went on a rambling tangent and idk how coherent all of that is but the end point is that fatphobia sucks it has no place in this or any fandom and we need to practice our skills instead of erasing something that has made this fandom so wonderful to me.

here's some resources

[pigswithwings]

since art has been brought up what is your process and brushes you use?

the gist of it is: i use my phone, my index finger, and the app IbisPaintX to draw! also my brushes are the Digital Pen and the Fade Watercolor (Opaque). my general process is making sketches and focusing on the energy of a piece, then sticking to that

long stuff and more detailed stuff under the cut... i put a bunch of images in there for reference

overall its not very fancy!! mostly i make art when i feel very inspired by something (which is to say, not super often). i usually start with a very rough sketch which helps me figure out how i want the art to feel. so for example this piece

was originally this sketch

basically the purpose of the super messy sketch is to outline ideas and stuff. i say "i think this would be cool, it looks cool in my head. this is what the finished product should emulate" and then i roll with that. also usually i have multiple sketches based on the same idea, but more often than not there will only be one sketch that i want to work with.

i tend to pick colours based on the feeling of the piece! so for me, the idea of plants gets the colour green, the "i have no mouth and i must scream" art gets a lot of red and orange. it's basically colour associations.

although very simple, my backgrounds tend to be developed around either the concept or the sketch. for the plant one above, i tried to use more flowing shapes in the background to emulate leaves, hills, and vines. for my first few "factory pomo" style pieces i wanted to get a sense of contrast, so i designed the background to be almost split into two colours/two parts, etc.

other examples

you're probably noticing how similar my sketches are to my final pieces. it's basically because i treat sketches like lineart. i pick a sketch and enlarge it so that it takes up most of the frame. then, i set it to a low opacity and draw on the layers underneath it. oftentimes i turn the layers on and off to get a sense of how the whole thing looks, and the finished product will not include the original sketch layer. but a work in progress for me usually looks something like this

it's a whole lot of going back and forth! zooming and out, erasing and redrawing and turning off layers and zooming out again. it can be messy sometimes but i stick to it and enjoy it a lot. i am not always faithful to the sketch, either; i usually add whatever i think looks cool. for the piece above i did Not originally intend to have glitching effects on my sona's body. but then i thought it would be cool to add some!! so i did :]

as for Brushes i work in IbisPaintX and i use this bad boy the Digital Pen (set to various thickness depending on whether i want very small and fine lines or just want to cover a Big Area). its basically just pixels so thats how i usually get very crisp lines!! also you can turn it all the way down to just 1 pixel if you want to be really precise. eraser tool and ruler tool are my best friends. also the Fade Watercolor (Opaque) that is right underneath the Digital Pen is what i use to sketch sometimes.

um hope this helps or satisfies your curiousity!! yeah. not a formal tutorial to my art or anything, this is just how i do it. which is in a silly way

[satanfemme]

i dont usually talk to you directly about kink related things so this feels slightly tmi buuut re: your head halter tags, its interesting how things that are Not good for dogs/etc that are fine for you as a person who can comprehend the situation that are Incredibly appealing. like. scruffing😳<imagine thats the bonk version

omg I can see the appeal of scruffing 👀, that's so good actually. if I were a cat I would love to be scruffed ngl. get picked up -> lose motor function / get a little overstimulated / thoughts turn off maybe <3 gonna contemplate that as a catgirl & catboy appreciator thank u

also yeah I kinda love taking adversive training techniques and recontextualizing them thru kink. it probably sounds silly but I think part of it is definitely a way to cope/heal from the things I had to witness in the animal care industry [insert standard ''kink as a way of coping'' explanation here lol], but I also find the idea of being controlled like that just so fun and fulfilling. & also adversives (ie. my prong collar) just fit so well into my aesthetic and fashion sense anyway (ie. it is a known fact that prong collars go hard aesthetically).

this is 100% a tangent, but a small detail I enjoy when using adversive training tools in kink (and which may already be apparent in the way I talk about them) is specifically viewing it through the lens of myself being a dog who is consenting to these accessories being used on myself, rather than just saying "it's ok to use these on myself because I'm a human" (<- which is how I thought about it when I first started experimenting with this, but it pulls me out of the doggy headspace / gives me species dysphoria) and also rather than roleplaying the tool being used in a genuinely adversive/abusive manner (<- which no hate for people who do enjoy that roleplay, just for me in this context it's usually a turn-off when implemented irl). maybe even with that explanation it's still a bit corny to say I specifically enjoy the element of consent in pet play featuring adversive tools, but personally it's genuinely really affirming (for both my therian identity and my sexuality) to not only enjoy these things but to also Say I'm a doggy who enjoys these things because it's like enrichment to me :3

hopefully this post is an interesting read, I have sooo so so many thoughts on pet play and my specific relationship with it I could go on forever, thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about it. & never worry about being tmi with me, kink is one of my biggest interests rn LOL

[paperstreetlocal]

How did you manage to improve your art so fast in so little time?

i dont think 5 years is that little 😭😭😭😭 i mean.drawing daily for that long ....thats like thousands of drawings since on some days i draw several times

i started drawing fr at the start of quarantine for whatever reason (end of my gacha phase + i wanted to branch out + general boredom) and had a relatively supportive friend group who liked what i made (even tho i deem it utter garbage by my standards now) so that did motivate me to do it often asides from my general love for it... i usually focused on chibi/more cartoony stuff without a general sense of direction (didnt know anatomy or anything) so i guess the real start of me taking it seriously (whatever tha means) was watching fight club? cause i was like Yeah no way am i drawing tyler as a twink in my usual artstyle so hence came my insane focus on learning anatomy and how to draw muscles/fat whatever else

i dont ever do studies and barely use references (aside from character ones so ik how to draw them correctly) because it feels incredibly restrictive and i just like drawing what interests me and cant force myself to do anything that idgaf about which is probably a bad habit and uhm. I should actually learn color theory and whatever but I dont care I draw for fun.art isnt a serious thing if you put your heart to it you can learn anything with enoguh trial and error❤️ experiment!!! if it turns out like shit, good! you learned not to do that thign next time! you also learned how to utilize said style in the future to make something better!!!! If you struggle with studying shit make your favorite character/topic a core component of it!!! if you dont like drawing something, dont!!! take inspo from other artists, use the components you like from their styles to create your own!! its probably not that easy for most people but its how it came to me i Guess... if you struggle with something you want to get better at just fuck around with it until it looks good.......i have horrendous perfectionist issues and if my brain doesnt like what its seeing its gonna tell me (un)fortunately and i draw until its good enough. Or i dump it. my main goal is make as much shit as possible until i just gradually get better at it

i never take more than 5 hours on a drawing since my style is relatively flexible and i dont focus on much than besides basic anatomy and making it as funky/appealing as possible.if ur pose is too stiff mesh transform it until it looks fine, feel free to scrap shit if it looks bad. dont dwell on it for too long. people always talk about rules and whatever other shit or using tutorials it just Doesnt work for me...

only rule i Do like is you have to learn anatomy to break it properly ok. this applies to cartoonish shit too. and chibis. Learn it

gradients are awesome and will make ur stuff look 50 times cooler and I encourage using filters if ur colors look bad.. (i do it for every drawing)

dont compare urself to other artists EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean EVER you can like another persons art but NEVER compare yourself to them IT WILL KILL YOUR ART Only compare yourself to yourself . compare new art to old art if you need to. Do Not compare yourself to others you dont know how long theyve been drawing, how much time thye spent on it, their circumstances, talent, tools Ok. Dont . Jealousy is bad and ugly and you should never indulge in it. draw for nobody but yourself. if you like it its Good enough

tldr: fucking around

[greenpanda-officialart]

Ergojosh :Use of Ai Art

Kay, I don't usually make posts like this, but its on my mind so here we go;

Ergojosh, an art youtuber whom I've followed created a video using ai in his art piece. He created his own original work, and only used ai as a tool- this post is nuetral in my opinion. I don't agree with Ergojosh, but I don't think what he did deserve to be cancelled and condemened, it's something a lot of artists had thought about (I'll get into that later)

His first initial sketch- with using a veil for the face and overall it looks like his art style, Ergojosh has his own unique signature that makes you think thats HIS art.

Then after using Ai as a reference the face changes, looking at this I would assume scott campbell made this, already you lose his identity by using other references and yes the sketch is looking better visually, but you no longer see Josh in the artwork.

The worst part at 3:58 he doubles down and becomes defensive that he used ai as a reference that he didn't generate it-

Which then later on when he admits to using Midjourney using a program and putting money into it and endorsing said product kinda defeats the purpose? "Oh I didn't generate ai therefore it's okay, anyway I generated an ai on a paid program that profits of stolen artworks to make this generated image." that artists are not okay with, so why be defensive of using ai refs when he generated images after? Oh, because he said it wasn't the 'face' he removed the faces but used it for hair, be it hair, eyes or anything a generated ai image is a generated ai image. No matter what it looks like.

So this is the final pose, which looks okay, but the hands should've been holding the hair strands and more hands couldn't been around the body in a sphere composition holding the strands.

around the 10;00 mark in the video, he sounded aggresive about the use of ai, that it's a tool, we should adapt and be mature. But people are allowed to hate ai and not want anything to do with it and would be upset at people who endorse it, after all if a small artist can use a few seconds of a song in their youtube videos they get copyright striked.

Meanwhile artwork is just scrapped and used- its rules for thee but no rules for me- type attidude, that the program and companies would not want their work to be stolen but think it's fair to take others works because it was public.

Even so- I get why Ergojosh was only making a video of using ai as a tool in his creative process, that yes the hair was a challenge, it's like get a glass ball and put hair inside it how would that look- oh with how broken the internet is thats a hard to find ref that might not even exist- the problem though.

Is that it's clear Ergojosh was trying to force ai to work when it wasn't happening, the truth is I think as an artist you can't make ai work for you- when I was using it for Uni, I felt frustrated at the lack of control and that it wasn't working out, people who aren't artists would be fine with it, but as creators its just more work.

And it was obvious in this video that it felt as if he was making it harder for himself.

so first image is the ai generated image from midjourney that he used,

second is the traced parts. I get it, there are some shapes in the ai image that looks good but this image just looks messy, the hair doesn't fit or flow like it should there are some strands that are too detailed/clutered and some too simplified.

after using grids and getting the composition down, he then fleshed out the hair and well;

This honestly felt like a cry for help, how he keep saying "I am the producer, I'm in control-" this hair looks random and messy like, was there any need for an ai input at all? Any one could've done this. there's no direction, no flow just random wisps just slapped on there.

He changed the character to a gremlin with a tail, worked on the lighting, but at minute 20 I was thinking...this is a lot of headache what a convulated way of working harder not smarter, it felt like an obvious struggle and the wispy tail was lost in the hair esp with how thin it was, and IF the tail had the hair draped over it instead but it's not its just, floating there.

And heres the final image which uh-

I don't understand how someone could spend possibly hours on an art piece that looks like ai-

The hands above holding the hair strands are gone, the eyes look like ai, the hand holding her chin also looks ai generated and at a glance nothing about this artpiece screams ergojosh.

some hair strands were coloured but some like the face look like a diff artstyle and the strands surrounding her look unfinished-

The only thing saving the focal point is the lighting, but even the two diff coloured eyes?

It felt like a lot of effort for something that didn't need the ai assist. Look lots of artists have differing opinions. Most hate ai and all it's uses even as a reference it shouldn't be entertained to even be called that. Most try to steal Ai back;

But it ends up looking like a "Draw this in your style," challenge and kinda proves ai's point. The whole 'stealing' ai is inherently using it, which I agree, other than the colouring or even painting style, the composition of the girl/cat I wouldn't copy that as it proves that I need the robot to think for me, but others think this is a way to 'stick it to the ai'

Personally, I would agree with Josh if it was using the generated image just for colouring, pallete ideas but using it for hair when he couldn've done that himself AND using Midjourney, putting money into a program that actually takes images from artists and using that stolen work for profit? "It's not stealing-"

It is, take a look at the 3-d model in CSP.

wonder why no one loses their shit when people trace these models for their generic webtoons? Because someone was payed for their time to create/code that model, it was put in there with CSP consent. Ai art, for me is like a Well that is open to the public, but the water people are taking from this Well is full of worms and parasites (aka. other peoples art) How can an artist use this when they are aware other artists work is in there, may as well trace and plagarise - the program is infested with other peoples work and if there was an isolated program I could use to train my own artwork then sure, but knowing that loish art is in there, has been trained it'll make all of my 'work' nothing but frankenstein abominations. I can't say with my full chest thats 'my' work.

And like this parasitic water, because it's free to the public people think I'm against free water and trying to force people to buy bottled and people are even going the Well water is more healthy for you.

All I've seen of ai, is done nothing but bog down platforms, it's a slog to find people who are real, not bots, not content farmers, not get rich quick pyramid scheme idiots, but people, communities.

Art is to 'connect' with people, if you couldn't be bothered to draw it, why should I be bothered to look at it, it tells me nothing about a person other than they have no passion.