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petrichorium · 1 day

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hiiii pluvi, nyla here! for your one piece and hq selfships: 💞, 📝, 🌦️ aaaaand 💌! thanks in advance! i'll have fun answering your asks too uwu

📝: How would your story in canon go? How would you influence the events of the original story?

Shanks — as of rn i dont influence the story tbh...... we'll have to re-address this in a decade when we get more red-haired pirates and after shanks dies KJHSDFJKHB but for now im just kinda lingering whenever theres rhp moments. my first appearance is the luffy wanted poster scene and i make a lil comment to mihawk (smthn like "always lovely to see you hawk-eyes" yk ambiguous enough), then im in the bg during the bit where rockstar calls shanks, im missing during marineford and then i show up during whitebeard/ace's funeral and im consistently w the red-haired pirates from then on. during the wano bit i finally get another line agreeing w lime juice after he mentions barto, then a passing goodbye to marco. im shown towards the side of the bar scene in elbaf reading a book and then im in the big wide-shot as theyre approaching the red force; the one "big" change is that im the one who hands the info on kidd off to shanks (bc that is Technically my official job as communications officer) and hongo and i have a tiny exchange. oda also talks abt me a bit in an sbs, he says im the only officer who hasnt met luffy and mentions im from a new world island, n says i joined the crew five yrs prior to the present

Kuroo — another one where i have minimal impact on the canon LOL but he and i r coworkers to lovers soooooo i only show up at the very end!!! i think im a recurring character in the final timeskip match chapters, i appear four or five times w the final time being w kuroo's appearance and described as his colleague. maybe later on theres an extra sketch of us grabbing a drink in our work uniforms and it sparks hella shippers

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

Shanks — i think any of the other red-haired officers is common but lime juice is the go-to for me simply bc of that one interaction in wano LMFAOOOOOOOO and then hongo later on for the elbaf interaction pfft. beckman is also a regular name in a "pair the spares" sense but icl i dont think hes ever spoken to me in canon (simply bc i do not have much screentime) & mihawk is also Somewhat up there again be of my one line. OH AND MARCO..... i think when he leaves the ship after wano he passes me and does an ambiguous hug/hand to the arm thing that has ppl like wtf was that 🫣

Kuroo — i think kenma bc im shown in the bg of a few of his shots!!! and i think theres a panel or two of me interacting w ushijima so theres a few instances of that...... theres like one super dedicated crackshipper of me and iwa LOL

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

Shanks — ohhhh a mix.... i think whenever im involved its either relatively low-key fluff or a super in-depth character deep-dive. im often used as a catalyst for mishanks or shuggy or any manner of other m/m ships tho which means ig its angst for shuvi 😔

Kuroo — def fluff, but also a bit of angst. in a similar light a lot of fics im in have me being a catalyst specifically for kuroken, and there r probs just as many poly fics as there are of just me n kuroo, but by n large the Actual shipfics are cutesy work romance vibes

💌: How would your dynamic be portrayed? What might people focus on most? Any misconceptions?

Shanks — honestly the dynamic is varying bc theres just not much content of me or us interacting as of yet, just the tiniest bit of banter and then a very professional back n forth. shanks tends to be portrayed as Down Bad in ships so i think that is accurate, but i do think people generally overemphasize the captain/subordinate thing and a lot of the nuance wrt the nature of my joining the crew is not considered fully until my full backstory is discussed

Kuroo — sjhdfusbfv fuckboy kuroo my beloathed....... but i feel its not That bad. idk our dynamic is soooo Normal obvi its a v subtle ship/only vaguely hinted at so the specifics of our strangers-to-friends-to-lovers slow burn is not known,,,,,, i think generally the dynamic is far faster and not drawn out in fanon. people focus more on the working together, boss/secretary vibe (when i rlly quit my job right as we get together rip) and write us as having a very nuclear family i think.

send in some selfship questions!

#ask.🌧#themultifandomnerd #ss.🌧 tetsuvi #ss.🌧 shuvi #i dont know how i feel abt it but #re: influencing the one piece story i Do consider a storyline where the kid pirates basically hold me captive for a bit #like right when they get in that mess in wano whereupon its just too much of a risk for shanks to get into a spat w kaido on his home turf #so i end up in this strange mentor role for the kid pirates for a bit??? as the wano insanity goes down #and marco flies me back to the red force at the end. n the elbaf thing happens as canon anyway #i just have to see how canon goes before i solidify that...... its complicated #i also consider a situation where i end up joining the straw hats for an arc!!!! but i dont want it to be egghead or elbaf so thats another #possibility i will evaluate as canon continues #but the dynamic of being the only rhp officer who didnt know luffy as a kid -> the only one who met him as an emperor is rlly cool #and IF the shanks/luffy strawhat/red-hair pirates conflict rlly IS a davy-back fight the idea of shanks having to win me back is. very good #also additionally funny if its a three-way davy-back fight w cross guild and buggy nabs me just to piss off shanks #KUHADFJH im just rambling this is so goofy #but anyway

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year

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okay. OKAY. ok. um. exposing my lore. also SORRY i rarely use color these days bc ive never had a good grasp on it so it’s just. very rough ideas here. a concept if u will.

anyway lore under the cut bc it’s long and all over the place and i do not expect anyone to have the patience LOL but it will be here. for ME. 😌

FOR THE RECORD before there was really an english twst fandom anywhere, i just had my friend in discord as we dove into translations off of youtube early on. these characters kinda were born from discord ramblings and goofy inside joke doodling BUT now im going. to share or whatever. i mentioned these two here but ill probs cover all that again here as i will try to be thorough!!!

anyway i have to give backstory in like 2 sections first. these guys [if u dont care then skip to the bullets for the actual character lore/story summaries], their main purpose for existence is CATERELLA soap opera drama. WHAT is caterella you might ask??? some people in the fanbase either headcanon or theorize or au-ify cater as being in a cinderella storyline bc he’s got the 2 pushy older sisters and kind of a more solemn side he hides while trying to be all upbeat around others yadda yadda. i thought that was FUN. i have. so many different branches of caterella aus/concepts involving other potential cater ships lol, but this is the only oc route. i have a really big web of all those potential ideas but it’s VERY erratic and would be a monster of a thing to show anyone. also it’s embarrassing LOL so it stays in discord. for now.

ANYWAY. first we have CHAR (left). He’s very loosely based off prince charming from cinderella. a friendly guy, in line for the throne or whatever, and I think a third year at RSA. He’s long lost childhood friends with CATER from when they were like, five years old or something, but lost contact when cater had to move away because of his dad’s work.

Canonically, Cater has said he’s had to move around every two years or so because of his dad’s job (i think he’s a banker or something? i dont remember exactly tho). Because of this, cater’s mentioned a lot that he’s not really had childhood friends that he grew up with, like how trey, riddle, and chenya have each other.

a while ago on twitter (or pixiv? idr) when i was scrounging for fanart, I came across fanart of cater and some RSA guy smiling and waving to him, and cater looked kinda like, surprised and startled?

now this was like a Year Ago and I can’t remember how much of it was in the image vs how much came from my inference vs how much i came up with later on my own - according to my discord rambles, adeuce were in that pic in the background going :0, and it looked like they were in town shopping or something and had run into this guy. i feel like i either got the impression from the post that cater knew the guy and he was recognizing and happy to see cater, and cater was either like “uhh who r u” or “oh, uh, nice to see you too what a surprise??” and i was like oooo maybe hes a childhood friend. idr if the post or his design specified he was prince charming or if i did that myself to fit caterella better. i do not remember what the guy looked like in the post lol.

ANYWAY from there i pretty much took off running with the concept of cater having a childhood friend that had a crush on him and then was all sad when he moved away, only to run into him year’s later on sage’s island when he was in town shopping and cater was out with ace and deuce.

here r some forbidden doodles from forever ago lol

ACE JUMPSCARE!!! anyway. not important. we’ll come back to this later!!

oh also his name LOL. since he was from prince charming i was looking up names that mean charming lol, and then i found this

and i thought yknow what. if snow white is allowed to be given a name like neigie leblanche, or VIL for the EVIL QUEEN, i should be allowed prince char for prince charming klfjdsf

OKAY moving on FOR NOW to. lol. Dañarte. like i mentioned in the other post, that very much Is Not A Name and was kind of just a joke at first bc of my typo getting autocorrected.

sorry it’s BLURRY anyway he spawned into existance a few months later when i was trying to say fanart and autocorrect said Dañarte. which is just spanish for harm you. this was maybe while i was tyring to think of a name for char, my friend said it sounded like a fancy prince name, i looked up the meaning, my friend was like oh god it’s a threat, i remembered hans from frozen existed, and then that catrella line grew more branches. he eventually ended up in the role of char’s cousin and a second year[we’ll come back to that]. since hans had that whole thing of i think he was like one of 7 brothers or something he was all huffy about not having a place to rule of his own or whatever?? i was like hmm maybe he’s all jealous that his cousin’s in line for whatever throne they’re a royal family for 🤔 which flkjdslf yeah kinda ended up sounding like leona LOL dont worry about it that’s not the POINT the point is SOAP OPERA ROMANCE DRAMA!!!!

anyway. god this is already so much and i’ve barely gotten into it LOL UM... according to discord here’s a rundown of what my initial thoughts with char were:

rsa and nrc are having a mixer party thingy [hosted at RSA] and cater’s talking about how GRAMMABLE it’ll be and that he wants to find a fun outfit

he jokes(?) “oh maybe i’ll finally find my prince charming there lol~ since no one here appreciates caycay’s charm 😔”

riddle’s like 😒yea yea cater please pull your head out of the clouds and take the first years to town so you guys can do the shopping for the next unbirthday party

big brother caycay takes adeuce and probably other npcs off to do the shopping list stuff

MEANWHILE!!! at RSA, Char is hanging out with BESTIE CHENYA and talking about the mixer with nrc. chenya mentions he’s got some friends at NRC and pulls up magicam to show char some IMAGES- specifically he goes to CATER’S magicam bc riddle didnt really use magicam except that one time he made an acct to help cater study [ft in riddle’s dorm uniform story ❤] and idk trey probs doesnt post much besides maybe baking pics, dont worry about it, the important thing is that he pulls up a selfie caycay took with the heartslabyul family

[chenya voice] those are my childhood besties, trey and riddle, those are their funny little sons ace and deuce, and that one in the middle is cater, he’s fun too-

[char voice] !!! the one with orange hair you said is cater? not cater diamond, is it????

chenya goes back to the main profile page and is like ya it says his last name’s diamond

char’s all 😳 and tells chenya he knows cater, because the two of them were childhood friends!! and wonders if he’ll see cater at the mixer....

chenya goes “oooo or we could go see him right now nyahahaha” bc BOOM cater JUST posted a selfie 15 seconds ago with his adeuce sons out shopping in town!!!!

they zoom to town, chenya jumpscares his pals bc it’s the law 😌 and then char comes up to cater and is like “it’s been so long cater!!! do you remember me??” and caters like 🤔 who’s this pretty boy talking to me 🤔

said pretty boy’s like “I’m char!!! we used to play together all the time when we were little!!! but then you had to move away 🥺“ and cater’s like “....hmmm.... i do that a lot- OH!!!!! I remember now!!! wow, let’s take a reunion selfie 🤗” and they do, it’s cute.

char’s like “haha glad you remember! we were each other’s first kiss after all 😌” and caters like UM 😳 and adeuce are watching like 😯😯 and chenyas 👀

and it’s just something goofy, char’s like “yea we were like five and we had a wedding on the playground and you kissed me 😊 and then we promised to get married for real when we were old enough hahaha” [<- partially inspired by my mother telling me when i was like 2 i ‘married’ my bestie on the playground. i have no memory of this but jklsdfsd ANYWAY]

cater’s all “ahahaaaa omg that’s sooo embarrassing i cant believe you remember that!!!” and char says something like “oh yea of course I do! i had like the biggest crush on you back then and i was soooo sad when you moved away forever 🥺” and caters like oh, ummmmm 👍

still they exchange magicams/numbers/whatever and go about their business with adeuce pestering cater for the rest of the trip like the nosy little brothers they are

fast forward to heartslabyul returning to the dorm and ace [like in the doodle up there ^ lol] LOUDLY barges in shouting something like “CATER HAS A BOOOOOOOOOOYYYYFRIIIIEEEEEEENDDDDDDDD!!!!!!” and cater’s all flustered and swatting at him like ace!!! no!!!! 😤😤

riddle n trey are just ?????? confused

cater’s just like “we just ran into an old friend of mine who goes to RSA now, and he asked me to be his date to the mixer, that’s all!!!!”

juice is just like “👀diamond senpai is this the Prince Charming™ you were talking about 👀” and caters like “🤔 i was totes kidding before but this totally does feel like something ROMANTIC out of a fairytale doesn’t it? haha how fun~”

POTENTIAL AU ALTERNATE BRANCH: for some maybe light angst, a potential trey route, trey’s either quietly listening like oh.... 💔💔💔 bc secretly HE had wanted to ask cater to be his date to the mixer. OR maybe he’s feeling some sadness but isnt sure why, talks to riddle alone later about it and is all “idk what it is with me, i guess i just assumed cater would be with us at the event like the three of us usually are, but i guess... he will be busy if he has a date....” and riddle has NO romance experience in his LIFE so hes just like “hmm yes i suppose it will be different to be at an event without cater constantly at our sides, but i am sure he will still hunt us down for his ‘memories’ to take pictures of, like always 😌“ and they just kinda laugh it off for the time being. but then cater’s texting this boy more and trey’s getting increasingly more restless and coming to terms w/the fact that hes PINING after his BESTIE!!! it’s ok in this branch they would be endgame sorry char

i also had a side note of other alternative branches for vil and malleus being the endgame, like aduece gossip about cater to the first year group and somehow it makes it back to them via epel or sebek. tho vil doesnt get the full story at first and just hears some pretty rsa guy asked cater out to the mixer and hes like “was it neige 😠😒” but anyway this aint about these guys those are just. some of many caterella alts. not even all the alts are char related LOL anyway

so that’s as far as I had for that specific concept before Dañarte spawned. heres another doodle of them

ok onto evil cousin guy!!

Dañarte starts as an RSA guy but eventually will change to NRC, mirroring how hans was like ‘ooo im a nice charming prince u can trust me’ and then went all jk im a villain bye

cousin to char, second year, they more or less maybe grew up together but Dañarte never met cater or if he did it wasnt often so they wouldnt remember or know each other

Dañarte and cater meet either at the aforementioned mixer or just at RSA if cater’s over there hanging out with Char and catching up

Dañarte is all charming and sparkly like most RSA students so he and Cater hit it off real fast 😉✨ and Char’s like, oh, uhhh, ok 😅??

cater either doesnt know Char’s interested in him again or he’s just not sure what to make of it, Dañarte does know Char’s into Cater and deliberately steals him away bc he resents his cousin. petty teenager drama lol

so ya potential route, Dañarte ends up dating cater for a while. but then [VAGUE SITUATIONS] occur and they have relationship problems and break up, leaving caycay HEARTBROKEN

WHICH!! could lead to more au branching LOL for who potentially is the one to try and heal caycay’s heart, mainly either Char, Trey, or.... SURPRISE, IDIA!!! (also i guess i mentioned vil and malleus earlier lol, all these au ideas came over the course of many months so i tended to forget details 😌)

i hear you going “what? huh?? when did idia get here!???!?!?!” shh. shhh. this post required me, forced my hand even, to ramble about all my aus/unposted fanfiction lol. i do have some mini fanfiction about the idia route that never left discord bc it’s so au specific hehehe but anyway, idia right?

ok taking a break from bullets while we detour here. so back when i was looking for names for char, i found another name meaning charming: eppa! it was cute 😌 this part spawned from more discord glitching and my friend’s idea from there- that eppa is just a fake name that IDIA is using to talk to cater on magicam or whatever bc he’s shy and hiding behind a fake prince charming [prince eppa of rsa!!] persona. this could just be a branch on its own w/o those dudes up there^ OR as I mentioned, he could be an alternative person for caycay to end up with after getting his heart broken. I wrote a little bit of unpublished fic and have a few doodles that follow this storyline lol, but we’ll get back to that later maybe.

ok but basically things could end there OR another bonus for MORE soap opera drama: for whatever reason that i never came up with, Dañarte gets KICKED OUT OF RSA!!!! or just transfers for some reason idk.

i debated on having him in scarabia or pomefiore, but ultimately went with scarabia, and here’s why I said he’d probably be a second year lol

because now he’s with kalim and jamil!!! at first kalim’s like “oh!!! a new friend nice to meet you!!!” but then quickly discovers at pop music club that this is in fact the same Dañarte that cater dated and broke his heart!!! oh no!!!

and cater’s like oh god!! my ex goes to school here now!! FUCK!!

but never fear. he claims he’s turned over a new leaf. that he will be civil. he just wants to start over and be a good boy 😌

cater is hesitant, but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. kalim wants to believe in the good in everyone and wants to give him a chance. and JAMIL who is ALSO HERE bc scarabia, does NOT trust this guy and does NOT want to leave him around kalim alone so he’s making an effort to be around the two of them a lot

basically jamil and Dañarte kinda suss each other out pretty fast as being people who hide their true intentions well under a facade of being polite and agreeable. idk if he’d show up pre or post overblot tho

so he spends a loooot of time with kalim and by extension jamil. and he’s also hovering around cater a lot

circling back to the idia thing lol, in some of the little fics i wrote for this au, i had written from i think idia’s pov and it was snippets that were basically:

idia likes cater, azul likes jamil [lol surprise they showed up in this eventually] and theyre board game buddies that kinda poke at each other about it. idia’s talking to cater behind the prince eppa account, and azul’s the only one that knows the secret. idia and cater bond via the account, idia learns more about cater’s melancholic side, they get really close, convince each other to go to class more in solidarity, cater sometimes vents to ‘eppa’ about the problems he’s having with his BOYFRIEND Dañarte... but idia is there to support caycay bc he’s SPECIAL <3 anyway then cater and Dañarte break up, idia and azul bully each other about how they’re afraid of making a move, blah blah blah. eventually cater’s gossiping to idia in class about how azul asked jamil on a date [i made a specific ref to my fic that i DID publish, Fake It Til We Make It 😌 but that’s not importantdsjlfd], the topic of valentine’s day comes up, cater mentions boohoo caycay is single on valentines day again... and idia has worked up the courage to invite cater to ignihyde’s movie night! hooray bonding irl and not behind the eppa mask!!! ohh but then. fast forward a little? cater’s talking to idia, hes like wow u and i have gotten closer lately, can i talk to u about something personal? u see... my ex asked me out. and i said id think about it 😔 cue heartbreak for idia again!! idia goes to board game club SAD. azul is also there and is like “oh sulking solidarity? i gotchu bro. jamil dumped me :’)” and idia’s like uhhhh fuck azul looks like he’s trying not to cry... wanna play VR games so we can escape reality... and they do 😌

^that’s where the written part ended. i have a doodle somewhere of like. even more soap opera drama. like i think Dañarte had asked cater out and cater was gonna give him a chance, but then ohhh noo guess what? cater’s telling pop music club.... and he’s like “ya Dañarte asked me out again-” and kalim FREEZES. hes like WAIT WHAT. WHAT. OH NO. bc uhhh turns out!!! Dañarte also just asked jamil out. WHAT THE!!! and the only reason jamil said YES(OH NO!!!) was bc he was sulking about his break up with azul 😔 a situation of jamil and azul fighting, breaking up, but still really really missing each other wahhhh making bad choicesssss

i dont think i ever went past there LOL but in my head and heart, that specific branch would have to be a happy ending for idia/cater and jamil/azul, Dañarte is simply there to cause problems on purpose

i also had a side reason, like a bonus for Dañarte’s motives (he’s not that deep a character lol this is mostly just goofs and giggles here) hes basically like “grr i resent my cousin so im going to do everything i can to sabotage his happiness. just because i guess. also maybe i should just become famous on the internet MYSELF since i cant be a cool royal, ill just use my title and charisma, and ill steal the fans of popular people like neige and vil - ooh looks like my dumb cousin’s crush is a fan of them both, excellent. hmm so is this rook person what- oh god no he’s weird and scary i’ll stick to terrorizing cater. anyway-” but i kinda didn’t stick with the magicam thing lol. just like a potential extra bit.

wait i found a snippet ^ from discord im just gonna copy/paste bc im getting lazy

‘ I have a scene in my head of pop music club going to do a small performance sometime after dañarte transferred to scarabia , and Kalim is torn bc on one hand he’s the housewarden and must make everyone feel welcome! But I’m the other hand that’s caters mean ex but on the other hand again he seems so nice and apologetic what do I do!! So Kalim ends up coming up to cater right before their performance and is like “ummmmm don’t be mad but I kind of invited dañarte ” and caters like KALIM WHY and kalims like IM SORRY HE SEEMED SO SAD AND REALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU PLAY They’re loudly stressing out off in the corner, meanwhile dañarte is wandering around the audience with Jamil like fellow scarabia buddy I hope u don’t mind if I hang around u Jamils like whatever but we have to sit… waaaaay over here, bc he saw tako and idia and he’s still in his awkward confusing feelings heartbreak stage with azul, And azul+ idia are at the show together just In Distresss'

okokok uhhhhh i think ive done enough talking wanna see more doodles and erratic notes

char and caycay reunited!!! char didnt actually end up getting much spotlight LOL he doesn’t have a lot of personality aside from Sweet Gentle Puppy. sorry bestie you got sidelined for drama jklfdskfl

#notatako is a side joke w/my friend ignore that kldfjdls but. caycay seeing pretty man Dañarte but hasnt met him yet

Dañarte jumpscare, looming over char’s phone when char’s just met back up with cater and has been Texting Him A Lot but hasnt invited him over yet

the boys being exes or something, and me trying to figure out what dorm he’d be in

doodle from when i brielfy forgot Dañarte was supposed to start at RSA lol, here’s him and jamil if they’d met as first years before jamil’s intentions were revealed with his overblot

Dañarte grumbling evilly to himself at RSA and getting chenya jumpscared -> caycay and the boys!!!

this is what it looked like when i tried to timeline plot some story ages ago LOL, ft silly little lad faces, an illustrated journey

[idk if u can read that maybe if u full view the image lol] basically this is the scene of jamil and azul having newly broken up and being all sad about it, Dañarte is all “hehehe give me a chance jamil we could be so great together” and jamil, who normally just ignores Dañarte and doesn’t fall for his FALSE CHARM, is at a WEAKER LOW POINT bc he REALLY MISSES AZUL but he doesnt wanna ADMIT that he misses azul, and now Dañarte just sounded Just Like Azul, and he’s just asked jamil out, and azul is Right There Looking At Jamil bc he was walking by and heard Dañarte ask him out... jamil’s like 😔fine sure whatever 😔 and azuls like ..... 💔💔💔

SAD! anyway, jsdlfjkds. sorry caycay jamil and azul got shoved into ur soap opera. it’s fine. jamil/azul would make up with each other eventually somehow. cater would find Real Love elsewhere. IT’S FINE!! no perma angst in my house ALLOWED!!! but it’s fun to play with. temporarily.

i thought i had a doodle somewhere of kalim going 0_0 when jamil told kalim that Dañarte asked him out, right after cater just told kalim the same [or vice versa idr] but i CANT FIND IT!!! it’s not important tho it’s literally Just That lol. i think. 🤔

anyway. dear lord. i doubt anyone is going to read all of this LOL, maybe skimming or skipping around if im lucky 🧡 those are my like, ‘canon compliant’ twst ocs i guess. something like that. the only other twst related ocs i have [FOR NOW] are fankids my friend and i made of ships for funsies flkdsjfl okay. thank u for reading. if anyone did LOL if i were you i’d just look at the pictures and live with being confused 🧡

OK THANKS BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOL #twst oc #cereal tries to draw #ocs #i guess uhh #twisted wonderland #for my own categorizing #but im not tagging the characters too much spam fkldsjfl #also SORRY SORRY i think the skintones look muddy again #i have a bad problem of like #EITHER them looking TOO saturated OR too gray #i cant find that sweet spot!!!#but also it looks fine on my second screen so. idk anymore damn!!!#colors are hard this is why i usually skip to grayscale or nothing lol #ok anyway bye again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this took forever damn lol!!!!!!!!!!!#oc: char #oc: Dañarte

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motifenjoyer · 1 month

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❤️️❤️️❤️️ :3

i have multiple wips so i'll talk abt All of them

this may get long, so.

icdwd - aka i couldn't dance with death if i tried!! its a zero escape fic mostly exploring a potential (loveless) relationship between akane and mira. its abt a lot of things i realize i never rlly touched upon in my other works?? for context im aromantic and i like. Constantly talk abt it even to my allo friends esp abt the constant amatonormativity the world likes to throw at us. specfically how ppl feel pressured to be in a relationship. why? well, various reasons: to fit in, to be seen as "more mature" (aspecs tend to experience infantilization and this doubles if ur autistic), to be seen as human, bc u feel like itll make u whole, bc u dont realize theres another option!! ive always hced my favs as aro ever since i realized it, but i always used to focus on the ace part of my identity. so i never rlly got to write a fic that explores aromanticism, aside from a fic i wrote four years ago in which leorio and kurapika hxh r in a qpr

another thing is i have ocd and for that reason, i dont like to write abt sexual topics . but in this fic, ive been sorta delving into that (its literally nothing just a fade to black that immediately goes to like the character waking up in another character's bedroom) and idk i think it shows my growth in a way?? that im willing to finally write that stuff without my ocd trying to kill me??? idk its . smth

im also having a Lot of fun writing akane and miras dynamic. i think, with me hcing them as aro (akanes aroace and miras an aro lesbian), i feel itd stand out more compared to other mirakane fanworks and interpretations . like this isnt a relationship ur supposed to root for!!! its abusive, its messy, its Uncomfortable, gory, and both women have ulterior motives. idk i like writing abt two unabashedly flawed queer women and having them navigate a relationship when one has no experience while the other has experience but whose disability prevents them from connecting w others (akane has a similar struggle), idk!! its an interesting dynamic

queerpei - i like a lot of the descriptions i wrote. im so used to writing akane that its soooo weird writing in the headspace of anyone else. but junpeis introspection is fun, like he has a mind of his own... i have this experience when writing akane (im plural so. go figure) and even when writing diana

angelus custos - so im kinda in the planning stage for this one but . Wow. im so proud of myself and how far ive come with this project, and just in general?? i used to primarily be a fic writer until 2018, when i decided to dabble in making my own characters. its always been bittersweet, bc my friends (all artists, never writers) would tell me to just make ocs instead of fanfic and my 12-14 yr old self would always be upset by that. so my characters never rlly came into their own so to speak

until This Year. ive been watching this rlly awesome youtuber named local script man. he's a screenwriter but a lot of his advice can apply to writing as well. i dont remember which video it was, but he talked abt how a characters' motivations can serve as fuel for smth deeper, like an insecurity for example. which THEN can serve as a backstory. and idky but it all clicked in my head?? character work became so much easier when i applied this to my process. i no longer had trouble w coming up w things that seemed to come naturally to most. bc i Know im good at fleshing out characters, i just needed to know how to do it for original work, even tho ive had friends praise my characters in the past

but yeah thats prob the best part of the story rn . im still having trouble w what their voices would sound like, speech patterns and the like, but thatd prob come around when i actually write the damn thing lol

BtSoyT - the idea itself has me so excited!!! ive been watching some horror movies, specifically recs from my friend @zebatverse hehe, and idk i feel like ive been getting more inspo and knowing what i'd wanna do if i were to write horror . i have several other ideas besides this in my notebook but this is one i wanna write the most. i even made a moodboard for it ^_^

#angelus custos #queerpei #icdwd #BtSoYt #holy shit i wrote so much IM SORRYGHFJGFDHJHFD #feel free to pace urself bc i jumped from topic to topic #i prommy i dont write like this in my work lol #asks

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nancydrewwouldnever · 2 years

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Hi Nancy! I'm very sorry you got some nasty asks bc you're so wholesome and I'm sending you this one cuz you're the cinephile (movie lover) and i had some sort of epiphany during the holidays -im the stunted ho anon from Maddy btw too haha. So I'm gonna give a lil bit of unnecessary backstory to my super long rant. I was really looking forward to this Xmas bc it meant taking my mom out of her nursing home for 2 days in 2 years and i had planned a lot of nice food, decorations, etc and it went that way save for the fact i got the nastiest bacterial tonsillitis in my life and we were relegated basically to watching the movies on tv. Turns out the greatest showman was playing. I know it was the sanitized version of pt barnum and i already knew hugh jackman is a fucking legend and was a stan accordingly but OMG were we blown away by the movie on Xmas Eve! Mom was even humming and tapping to the songs even if she doesn't know english lol it was a perfect bonding moment and everyone was so talented. Zendaya, Keala settle, even Zac Efron!! (I'm considering stanning him low-key lol). I'd listened to some of the songs already but i don't keep up w movies like that and i don't really care for musicals, but i loved it. The critics hated it but it was a success, hugh spent 8 years trying to get it greenlit (pls watch the vid w keala). What I'm getting at w this rambling is... Does Chris in his mediocrity -sry not sry- think he's gonna be able to pull a hugh jackman success / weird ass concept of fictionalized version of gene kelly (what is that treatment or future script really going to be about, bits of the most memorable roles of gene sewn into a jojo rabbit minus the Nazis kind of plot?? So groundbreaking). Why all this sudden interest of him in gene -prior to the ace ventura interview i don't think he'd ever mentioned his admiration for him?? Someone correct me if I'm wrong. That concept alone is disrespectful to genes wishes cuz it's still a bastardized version of a biopic, it's far more confusing than the light-year character thing that many people never really figured out. I get he wanted to fit his tap dancing ability into something he could show to the public but Chris isn't a good singer or dancer. With all due respect to mama Lisa, i doubt the 'provincial' level of tap dance in ma can compare to what gene did and they don't even look alike (re body build). I was optimistic at first but i cackled at the hate tweets bc i knew there was a kernel of truth. I get he prob thinks this will be a break or make moment, but taking into account how bleak his personal life is atm i doubt he has the willpower to stay rehearsing for 6 months and nail the performance. I know I'm dragging a movie that hasn't even been written, but the room for disaster is enormous. I think it'll be a huge flop. He should go the Mark ruffalo route and take some indies here and there, maybe work in europe or Asia and w more female directors. A musical or a comedy or something contrived like this project seems to be is once again not it... Are you exhausted?? What do you think? 🤔

#ask

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mostlymaudlin · 2 years

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Hi! For ao3 wrapped I’d love if you answered 5, 12, and 30 😊

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

this SHOULDN'T have surprised me, but bangable was my first outright smut piece for aftg, and i laughed when i woke up the next morning and my inbox was POPPIN. i feel like aftg fandom is usually p quiet in the comment section (or im just spoiled by the richness of simon snow fandom), but people were SO READY to talk about this blowjob hahahha.

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

oh man LOL. theres a short answer and a long answer and im gonna go for long bc maybe talking abt it all will hold me accountable for finishing stuff.

ok so like technically i have 1 million wips. jk. technically technically i have 41 aftg wips (and ENDLESS more simon snow wips), but most of those google docs are resting in peace in my "wip graveyard" folder. they may be resurrected one day but who knows.

so more accurately i am currently sitting on four wips! all aftg.

my hs au We Can Live Forever... which i actually completed the next chapter for! but i dont want to post it until i finish the one after bc i kind of leave it off on a mean note. i might post it anyway so that people get mad at me and motivate me to keep writing though...

what i have dubbed "slut au," in which our favorite resident ace neil explores sex. its sitting at 20k rn, about halfway thru the plot. very messy atm. about 60% smut.

my secret aftg winter exchange fic

my (NEW AS OF A FEW HOURS AGO) secret aftg mixtape exchange fic

im also p much always playing w flash fics, AAAAND i have been thinking abt revisiting this old au i was working on last spring where neil works at a froyo shop. i actually wrote an entire first draft for that -- i think its sitting at like 12k but its a complete mess. i think of her tho... the found family vibes were v good...

OH and i am seriously considering doing a magnum opus andrew POV fic. i need to move into my own apartment in order to accomplish this because i want to like. really go ham analyzing the books and scaffolding that plot bc if i do it im going to tell the same story but with a very different structure i think. and i cannot do this in my current living situation. so that would probs be my Fic of 2023 if true.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

cheesy. but more than anything i think i've come to know myself as a fiction writer this year. ive always written fiction in bits and pieces, and ive done a shit ton of professional nonfiction writing. writing snowbaz last year felt good in that i was finally writing regularly, but switching fandoms upped my confidence because thats when i could finally prove to myself that i wasn't just copying rainbow rowell hahaha. WHICH LIKE she definitely continues to influence my writing but i think ive developed my style in a way where its more my own now -- i don't lean on the style of aftg the way i did for simon snow fics. and while andrew is undeniably NOT my character, ive done a lot of work around the way i write his POV that im proud of. and this makes me think that if i wanted to write original stories i could... even tho i havent rly come up with a story i want to tell on my own just yet!

from this ask meme!

#went off in this one LOL #my writing

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igarbagecannoteven · 1 year

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megs!! hello!! good evening!! i want literally all of the things from your ask game so just imagine im copypasting all the emojis. tell me all the things!! love you so much missing you lots xoxo give the babygirl a kiss from me since she will never accept one from me anyway

bella!! hiya!! good evening!! (of the next evening but the sentiment still stands lol) love you so so much prilla and i miss you i will give her kisses for you 💙

🤘: so. you get the cursed song since you cannot cut ties from me now that we've signed a year-long lease :)) the song i've been looping all day is BOGOS BINTED by Ida Deerz ft Kaj Strife & 2a03fox which is. well. furry music (with a suicide ment tw for anyone who needs it) and i am not (that) ashamed to say it kinda slaps (you probs won't like it tho sdklfjsdlkjfsd) i mean the chorus is hella catchy! non-cursed song recs are Kid Fears by The Indigo Girls and The Wood Song also by The Indigo Girls (also Galileo which is also by them lol)

👀: okay this is a series of three fics but riverdale belongs to the gays by boos is a *very* good canon divergent (mostly bc it was written during like season 2 or something) exploration of both canon & non-canon events through the lens of the core four all being queer (with ace jughead!!) but if you'd like something (much) shorter there's The Real Suspension of Disbelief by punk_rock_yuppie which is jarchie with ace!jughead :))

🖇️: okay so this idea is actually inspired by a discussion topic from a philosophy class i took so it's a little weird and angsty BUT it's a sci-fi/dystopian au where people use teleportation devices like the ones in star trek and person a, who's used the teleportation device in the past, dies for unrelated reasons (maybe a hovercraft crash or a plague or something idk yet) and their significant other, person b, who's half-mad with grief, breaks into the records of the company who makes the teleportation devices and gets the data for the exact molecular make-up of person a and makes it materialize on one of the transport pads, "bringing them back to life". *however*this is a past version of person a since it's been a minute since they used teleportation (i haven't decided how long yet, at least a few months i think) and so they think they're going to, like, visit their mom or whatever but then they teleport into a scene where their bf's getting dragged away by security and it's x months/years later. cue the realization that a version of themselves actually died, blah blah blah, the question of do they have a soul comes up bc i'm me, etc etc, some other loved ones not accepting them as the "real" person a,,, it wouldn't really be a "they came back wrong" story but there would be elements of that bc regardless of how long it's been btwn the use of the teleportation device and their death, there will be memories that person b has that person a does not, and there's the classic identity crisis aspect and yeah. classic cheerful megs fic sdkljflkdsjklfjsdlkjf

😈: inspired by the job hunting process, my hashtag hot take of the day is that a job where you're handling people's financials and requires you to have a college degree should pay more than a cashier job at a upscale supermarket where a high school degree is preferred but not required 🙃

🧠: okay so uh. major spoilers for dungeons and daddies season 2 below the cut if anyone cares about that lol

so the latest episode of my favorite podcast (also the only one i listen to regularly but that's not relevant) they revealed that my favorite npc (grant wilson, son of a pc in s1 and dad of pc in s2) was transported to the titanic just b4 it hit the iceberg along with his fiance (it was either the night b4 their wedding or the day of) and that's where he found, rescued from death, and then adopted his son (lincoln, one of the player characters) and like. listen. this is The Podcast Of Wild Ass Rides(tm), after all it was only a couple arcs ago that the cast of family guy fought the fbi over who could attack the cast only for a giant flying dog to rescue the cast, brutally murdering family guy and the fbi in the process b4 flying the cast up to heaven's gates (longggg story lol), not to mention all the main characters getting married to survive the vacuum of space, HOWEVER. all of those buckwild things all had mostly reasonable explanations if you've listened to the whole show (the fbi trying to break into hell, goofs realm being a quasi-family guy reality with cursed standup, trying to rescue a half demon from the iss, that sort of thing) and the titanic is the first thing that seems to come completely out of left field. does this mean there's some great significance about the titanic that we just don't know yet??? is it supposed to tip us off to the fact that grant's husband knows more than it's seemed??? was it just to riff on the movie titanic??? who knows!!! anthony (the dm) what are you planning!!!

#i have now applied to over seventy jobs on the website culinary agents ALONE #who tf knows how many on other websites i've sent out at this point #but!! today i lined up two interviews! one of which is tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed!!#desperately trying not to jinx this #answering mail #i'll send you a pic of the babygirl after kisses have been administered lol #roomie <3

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doctortonytchopper · 6 months

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But see the thing is -

If that was the mushroom the 20 MDs were looking for -- maybe Blackbeard went to Drum because they were researching devil fruits.

Because there is a clear distinction of science in the setup of the story - the robotic style, and the medical style. Arguably Chopper is just as advanced of a scientist as Franky is, but their knowledge has barely any overlap. And it seems like generally - medical knowledge seems maybe a bit more frequently disseminated.

I mean at least - where Queen was a top scientist in both those areas. He was competing with Judge and working with Vegapunk, but he was also fucking around with diseases. If the assumption is that he was about as good at both - Franky maybe could compete with him in the field of robotics, maybe even best him, but that's not something I would feel confident asserting one way or another without a more deep dive.

But chopper utterly FUCKED him, I mean absolutely destroyed his "super advanced" disease AND THEN SOME, in like 20 mins with his Chopperphage. I mean lbr inventing a disease isn't even half as hard as inventing a cure, and Chopper did that in a way that our world's medicine is barely starting to figure out how to do.

So say the 20 MDs were like, just about as good at medicine as Kureha and Chopper, and Chopper's a fucking BEAST at medical science probs at least on par with if not surpassing Franky in his own field (im biased bc uhh check the url. Im sorry...i own up to it at least lol) and Franky's keeping up with Vegapunk enough to be using his ideas and inventions. So the 20 MDs are probably doing some crazy stuff.

"So who cares? I thought Vegapunk was doing all the most advanced devil fruit stuff?"

Yes...in the realm of robotics. What about the medical science realm?

Why was Blackbeard on Drum Island? Why was he there immediately after getting the dark dark fruit, with Ace on his tail? It was just a couple of months before the strawhats land. Then they grab chopper and carry on, and meet up with Ace in Alabasta a few days later.

A few days after that, Ace catches up to Blackbeard - who is already planning to capture Luffy and turn him in so he can become a warlord.

And I'm starting to understand what the fuck Wapol is doing back in the story, why his Wapometal has been interwoven so much throughout the story.

Wapol specialized in consuming two things, and then combining them without destroying either, making the resultant thing a stronger, more durable, more versatile combination of both things. Using his devil fruit.

And say his team of 20 highly expert scientists were furiously dedicated to a single focus: devil fruits; specifically one that could "cure all diseases", which Kureha helps us understand is only possible by being a doctor good enough to be able to know *many* different skills and be able to apply them as needed; and say these doctors got a chance to study how Wapol's fruit worked. And say they used that chance to see if there was a way to combine devil fruits - to give someone versatile skills to use when needed.

And say someone stole that research, as of yet untested, and tried it out on themself. What was it Shiryu said at Marineford while Blackbeard was under that cloth with Whitebeard's body? "What happens if this doesn't work? Do we disband?"

And I mean. Why is Wapol where he is right now? He's literally in the PERFECT narrative location to be able to give us exposition on all of this, I mean he's literally in big news Morgan's blimp with fuckin vivi. Cmon. His presence is BEGGING to be asked about it. An accidental overhearing some news about BB and a like "oh oough that guy that stole my devil fruit combo research >:(" from Wapol and then a "HE FUCKING WHAT?? YOUR FUCKING WHAT??????" from literally anyone in proximity and we're off to the fucking races, just SAYING

And what was it Luffy to Sanji said while carrying Nami up the mountain? "I heard at a bar in my hometown that people from snowy places don't sleep". Obviously Teach was rumored not to sleep since at least that time when Oden joined the Roger pirates. But Hiriluk saw his cherry tree around the time of the God Valley incident, so I don't think it's impossible that there was some sort of connection there.

Idk man I was just tossing jokes out abt this arc but I'm buggin out about drum arc more and more every time I think about it or watch it lmfao

#i mean ik oda wasnt planning to have the series be more than like 5 years so i do think theres probs some heavy #like foreshadowing kinda frontloaded into some of these early arcs in ways ppl dont expect #idk sometimes i feel like people expect authors not to plan literally anything #ppl get SOOOOO shocked if something from like ep. 1 comes up as having been foreshadowing for ep 500 #like yeah i mean. people do plan out how their stories are gonna end before they even start em sometimes #lotsa authors think NOT doing that is bad writing #cause ya get stuff like Tanis otherwise. LEST WE FUCKIN FORGET :'|#meta tag

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1d1195 · 7 months

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SAM MY LOVE I MISSED YOU SO MUCHHHHH!!!!😭 it felt so weird not being able to talk to you😭 how are you my love?!? How was your break?!?

AHHHH SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON BESTIE!!!

And you’re right we really are so similar that I honestly did not take it in a bad way! If anything I always appreciate your insight! Exams were hell but like it’s whatever at this point lol I have one last round of midterms in two weeks before my finals so I will be ✨suppressing✨ my feelings on that until I’m done bahaha BUT OMG I QUESTION MY FRIENDS CHOICES TOO BAHAHA I have had a history girl…. It’s a lot for sure for another day lol AND OMG SAM HOT PROFESSOR 😵‍💫 he’s sooooo omg I could cry bc he’s so hot and I seriously always spiral in class lol he puts effort in his fits but like still does not look exaggerated anyways idk if I mentioned before but HES A BIKER!!! And he’s so sweet and he always ends class with “see ya later gang” like 😭 THE DILF VIBES THAT HE EMITTS ARE CRAZY😭

Yeah I can totally agree with obsessions and the TOLL that it is lol like I feel so bad for my parents that they wasted so much money on me shopping at hot topic 😭 anyways still was fun though lol I definitely wish I had that energy again bc I simply cannot keep up anymore lol

Bestie I read part 3 and IT WAS SO GOOD !! SO MANY THOUGHTS HONESTLY oh and I read the sun kissed extra!!! So many thoughts!!! I will try to get my main points and reactions bc I feel like I wrote already too much lol

I LITERALLY WAS SO EXCITED FOR SUN KISSED EXTRA!!! I voted for that one and was surprised that it wasn’t voted on too much :( BUT IT WAS DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE BC I LOVE ALL OF THEM! Anyways I MISSED THEM SO MUCH I LITERALLY LOVE THAT STORY SOLEY BC WHERE IM FROM THE BEACH IS A BIG DEAL! Anyways I can’t believe they are moving together and Harry literally transferred to her district 😭😭😭 CRYYYYYYYY I HOPE WE CAN GET MORE OF THEM!

NOW PART 3 WAS SOOOO GOOD!!! You know I love when Harry gets jealous and possessive😵‍💫 and omg TELL ME WHY I HAVE A KYLE IN KY LIFE BAHAHAH but Kyle was so cute and honestly kinda loved he stood up for the MC and essentially was ready to go to war for her🥰 bahah anyways THEY ARE OFFICIAL NOW WHICH IS SO CUTE!!! I LOVE THEM QND IM LIVING THEOUGH THEM RN!!! I have a Kyle and all I need is a Harry 😩

Missed you so much Sam! Thank you for constantly putting out such lovely content❤️-💜

HIIIIII I've missed you SOOOOO much. I hope your exams went well, I'm sure you aced them! That seems so crazy you have midterms and you're already thinking about finals! I feel like the semester just started! I knew you were busy all week but by Friday I literally was like "Ughhh where is she!?" My break was good! Very boring, nothing to really chat about. I finished a book last week and I'm about half way through this one--it's very good. I actually think YOU would like the book I finished because I did not hahahahahahahaha don't get me wrong it was VERY well written and I did like it, but it was so stressful and not what I usually read. The Lost Girls of Willowbrook. Very creepy in my opinion.

ANYWAY.

YOU DID MENTION HE WAS A BIKER BUT I ALWAYS APPRECIATE THE REMINDER. We love a well-dressed DILF. I'm so glad you're able to learn in that environment. I would be a stuttering mess and would probs do something embarrassing like tell him I loved him or write our names together in a notebook. Did you see the pics of Harry at Manchester soccer game? He looked very DILF-y too🤤😍 I was spiraling myself.

HOT TOPIC I'M SCREAMING. I got my Edward shirt from Hot Topic and I wore it every night to bed like a a LUNATIC. (Now much more appropriately, I wear my Harry's House to bed and do NOT feel like a lunatic). But you're right I do not have the energy anymore. The CONSPIRACIES and THEORIES people have I am so overwhelmed, I don't know what to say. I'm not a Swiftie (not an anti-Swiftie either) but HOLY COW. "She wore purple so that means--" "The date adds up to the number 13" "In 2010 on this date she posted this so in 2024 that means this" ?????? THAT'S CRAZY, but like good for them. I'm in awe tbh.

Aw! I'm so glad you voted for them! I have another round of voting coming this week and I feel like it will be VERY split five different ways hahahaha I'm a beach girl as well! I feel like it's one of the only things I have a good grasp on writing about because it was so entrenched in my childhood. I don't know if I have any other ideas for them at the moment (I feel like all the couples I've been writing about lately/voted on are getting engaged this week and next week 🤭 --spoiler/not spoiler: not MFT they're just babies). But I can try and come up with something eventually. I gotta reshare my draft list so everyone can see inside my head, it's getting wilder by the minute.

I'm currently writing the 4th part to MFT and I feel like the first two parts were really good and parts 3 and 4 are very 🤷‍♀️ I'm so glad you liked Kyle! (I wanted to name him Noah actually but I think I mentioned I'm a big Noah Kahan fan right now and it was too coincidental; I noticed when I had his character say "that makes a lot of sense" and I was like "okay, Samantha, that's a literal song lyric, make it more obvious." So I renamed him Kyle). Idk if you read Icebreaker (it was very big on TikTok for a while) Kyle is modeled after Henry a bit. He's a cutie pie 😊

TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR KYLE!?!?!?!?! 😍

SO happy to hear from you, hope you had a relaxing weekend after a busy week, sorry for the novel rambling in response but you should not feel bad about writing too much. It's always the highlight of my day when I get a message from you! 💕

xoxo

#💜#my friend's toyota #sun-kissed

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oh-no-boi · 1 year

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its sort of.. eh? seeing the post abt like how figuring out ur identity to all the micro identities is uh individualistic and we should focus on what we have in common and stuff.... and i mean i agree

but its so weird bc i struggled with it and tried to dissect it all so much bc i felt like i didnt fit in with the ace community lol like it literally felt so isolating feeling like im ace but not emotionally connecting with what a lot of people were saying

im rly happy there are a lot more micro identites that are under asexuality and aromatism now and i can see myself in them better

finding the aces who wrote/drew porn, who also were facinated by sex, was just so comforting. and like there many of us, kinky aces are known as a thing now. i didnt see that when in high school, i saw more abt how oh aces dont want sex, and aros dont want relationships, and actually its so progressive to not want these things that even if u want them, u should not want them as a way to rebel. maybe that was a single post and many didnt feel this way but this *was* a pretty popular blog or at least it felt like it! and it fucked me up a bit lol

the day i did see a post of someone mentioning the same thing of like "oh daydreaming sex between ur ocs is hot but thats bc ur not in the equation and thats the only way u enjoy sex" with a name for the identity.. lol there were plenty of shitty replies that just diminished it as "lol no one cares abt ur sex fantasies, like we all have those, its not a sexuality/indentity" misunderstanding the frustration of like what it feels like to be into that and then left confused by not being turned on by like porn and actual human beings and just in relation to urself

i dont go by that micro identity, i dont need it anymore but teen me did

so i guess i just have a lot of emotion and stuff abt micro identities and figuring those out and feeling like ur not alone

i do just say im queer or gay and ace/aro spec these days, and of course trans nonbiney and also just dont rly care that much

i very much agree that a lot of shit gets used as gatekeeping and also pitting ppl against each other.. but i rly cant help but feel like sometimes it feels dismissive of figuring out wtf is going on with urself even if thats prob, u kno, not the point at all

idk i think when ur identity is complex and u feel so weirdly out if the loop of the rest, it matters a lot for self discovery.. but i guess with a focus in just what we have in common.. like i guess a bunch of this shouldnt have mattered if the focus from the start was just "oh yeah im queer and thats chill" but also like how do u seperate it from a journey of discovery of urself? even something like are u bi or just gay, does it matter? maybe not but it probably will to u.

u kno, its also funny but i feel like— well first i chilled out of sexuality bc i got all explorational and ?? with gender so mumy focus shifted— but a huge part of what helped me sort of figure out shit further is... masturbation haha and like please understand, im still a somewhat sex repulsed ace who has also been a bit sex/smut obsessed. it used to not make much sense in my mind, now maybe its still just as complicated but also eh simple enough. im still a kinky and smut obsessed little weirdo?, and im still sex repulsed and probably still wont end up having sex with anyone, i even look away from ppl kissing bc i find it gross, but heyyyy i also fucking love to jerk off 😏 and its all just been... thanks sex toys! bc the thing is, i still find it kinda gross, but also not as much now.. and also i cant do anything without sex toys bc i guess they give that distance my brain needs? but basically figuring this out and coming to be able to enjoy my body has also quieted the part of my brain that kept being curious abt sex and fully unsure if i could ever have it. im still not fully sure bc i feel like i can still change but its made me understand a lot more abt myself.

theres also still a lot im ?? abt.. my mind abt top surgery swings so wildly from yes to no, even like thoughts of micro dosing t is like yes i'd like to but also i like what i look like as well?? and as a friend kinda laughed at me, im most nervous abt facial hair, something that is not that hrd to deal with but im just ,,shaving 😱 lik3 buddy i havnt even shaved anything in years! (tho i used to hate armpit hair.. tho mainly i guess society 🙄 and now im.. ok with it but also yeah u prob wont catch me wearing a not tshirt in the summer lol)

..this post has gone nowhere

uh im gonna post bc i spend too long typing even tho i got a headache (tho hey the ice pack has helped! thanks google) but we can pretend i never did lol

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