#that's not a negative thing entirely really but

[ilikeyoshi]

"#yes yes yes!!!! #and ngl it makes me want to read or engage with it more too!"

i hope it's ok to point out these tags bc this is SUCH a huge mood i think deserves a little more explanation!!!! (at least from my perspective as both a creator (writer) and fan (of artists))

i used to have a ton of anxiety when creating and especially sharing my works, and my impulse was always to talk down on it, because a) i* (*my anxiety) believed it to be bad, and b) because i had this idea in my head that if i lowered people's expectations, they wouldn't be as disappointed when reading it.

i want to tell you what i've learned in my years of both being a writer and being a fan of artists, and it's that this is a terrible, terrible anxiety fallacy (like so many ideas/misconceptions borne of anxiety are) that ONLY hurts you, your work, and your potential readers(/fans/etc). it SOUNDS like a good idea when you have really bad anxiety, i know, i used to DEPEND upon this idea just to have the courage to SHARE my writing—and i want to emphasize that it's OKAY if you've done this before, it's an easy, easy trap to fall into, but i also want you to try and stop doing it because there are a lot of reasons you would feel better and do better for doing so.

you are what you practice! if you only ever focus on or speak about the flaws in your art, you WILL feel negatively about your art. my very first therapist explained it in a way that still really resonates with me: you have created a well-beaten, highly trafficked "road" in your brain. it is very easy to take this road because even though it's longer to your destination, it winds and bends, it's walked on so much it's flat and easy to traverse. when you try to build a NEW path—in this case, a path where you focus on what you like about your art—you're starting with no path at all. it's all undergrowth and vines and thorns and it hurts and it's tiring and you feel like this will NEVER be easier or feel better than the old path. but you have to keep taking the new one. you have to beat down the undergrowth until it recedes, cut down the low-hanging branches until you can walk with your back straight, and if you keep at it, if you keep at this thing that feels so pointless and stupid and hard, eventually, the path will be clear, and easy to walk, and you'll make great time getting to your destination because it cuts straight through; no winding or bending. and the old path? it will overgrow, and it will become hard and stupid to take. you have to beat the new path because once it's beaten, it'll be the far superior path in every way, including ways the old path was never superior even when it WAS the one you were always taking.

further—as these tags point out, and as i agree with wholeheartedly—by disparaging your art, you DO lower people's expectations. people don't want to be sad, frustrated, disappointed when they look at art—at least, not unless the art itself is trying to tell a story about that. you get what i mean, i hope—they don't want to go INTO something they already HAVE negative reviews on—your reviews! you, the creator, have already told this person the story/art/whatever is going to be bad, and i know, i KNOW it's not your intention, you're hoping someone will see through what you can't and tell you no, no, this is good, i liked this! and some people do! but you make it a lot harder for them TO do that when you tell them right at the beginning, "this is going to be bad, i don't like it," because what you're unintentionally telling them is, "and you probably won't like it either." the first way i learned this was in people always saying in their fanfic summaries, before you even open the fic, "the summary is bad, i'm bad at writing summaries, the story is better trust me bro." because what this does—again, so unintentionally, i KNOW what you're trying to do because i've been you—is you're telling the reader, "here's my pitch, here's the hook to my entire story, it's the worst part, it's bad, but the rest will be better," and what they KNOW is they've already put the time in reading the summary, and it's hard to commit MORE time to something when you've already told them it's bad, even if you promise the rest is better. it's like biting into a fruit and you hate the taste of the skin; it's harder to try the rest of the fruit when, so far, it's been bad (or you've been made to believe it's bad).

so what's the solution? how do you begin beating that new path? well, it depends on you. everyone's a little different in how they navigate stuff like this. but what worked for me, and what might be a good place to start (and by all means adapt as you figure out what works and what doesn't), is start by just NOT saying anything negative. no, "i don't like this," or "the summary's bad, sorry," or anything. write your artist's comment, author's note, whatever as normal, and REMOVE anything that depicts your art/writing/etc in a bad light. just don't give people any opinion whatsoever on what experiencing your creation is going to be like. this, for me, was easier than jumping straight to, "i'm pretty proud of this," or "i enjoyed working on this," because it wasn't withholding AND replacing, it was JUST withholding. going back to the roads and paths metaphor, i think of this part as the "taking a breather before i get to work on this monumental task of beating this new path" stage.

then, overtime, i started "stretching" my positive comments about my works. if i liked, say, TWO LINES out of a whole piece of writing, i'd say, "i'm really proud of this work!" because i AM proud of ANYTHING AT ALL, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, within the work. it's not a LIE, to anyone including yourself, but it is, perhaps, an EXAGGERATION. that's OKAY. we're trying to teach our brain to look on the bright side, to take the new path, and i've found that treating it a little bit like a dog—giving it a treat for ANY TINY BIT OF PROGRESS, was a good way to encourage myself to start making MORE progress. ESPECIALLY because the tags i reposted above are RIGHT: LOTS of people are MORE interested in a work when their very first impression (YOUR impression!!!) is positive. 'the artist/writer/etc is proud of this? oh, i'm so glad they had a good time creating, let's take a look!" it probably sounds too easy if you're still taking that anxiety-beaten road, i know, but try to think of how you've felt when someone disparages their creations versus uplifts them. were you put off by the negativity? were you sad that your friend worked so hard on something and didn't even like it? conversely, doesn't it make you a little excited when an artist says they really feel good about something they made, especially in a world where so many artists ARE feeling inadequate? i hope you see what i mean.

it's not an overnight thing, of course, this took me YEARS. this took a miracle that doesn't happen to most people: i wrote something i felt SO TERRIFIED people wouldn't like, even though i was secretly very proud of it (but too scared to dare suggest i was proud of it), so i indicated all kinds of things like "i hope you like it, i dunno if it's any good, it's just a little thing i'm chipping away at in my spare time" (it was not, it was a full-blown passion project) and, against the odds, a LOT OF PEOPLE told me they really really really liked it. a couple of friends who were decently popular in the fandom it was for liked and shared it and i got A LOT of encouragement. i basically got to beat my new path with a HORDE of helpers, and it was more like THEY beat the path for me and i chased along like, "what is happening, oh my god, what are you doing???"

i got really lucky. that doesn't always, or even usually happen. in most other areas of my life, i've had to beat the path myself. and it takes a long time if you're doing it on your own. but you should anyway, because it's so fucking worth it dude. yeah, it was awesome to get so much help with my writing confidence specifically, but it's been just as worth it every time i've had to do it alone too. and i have good news! there ARE ways to tell people you're on this journey of making yourself a new path. here are some suggestions:

"i'm new/rusty at this, so please let me know what you think!" - informs potential readers/viewers/etc you are learning and gives them an opportunity to HELP you learn. this is a positive interaction! this allows people to find a GOOD experience EVEN if they didn't enjoy the story much, because they can help, and people DO, MOSTLY, like to help.

"i want to improve at [dialogue]" or "i'd appreciate advice on [lighting]." - similar to the first example, but does 2 things: gives viewers specific instructions that can be really helpful for those that aren't sure how/what to critique (surprisingly common thing; the more specific you are about what you want advice on, the more likely you are to GET advice), AND allows you to, neutrally and non-disparagingly, ask for help in areas you don't feel confident about.

"leave a comment if you liked it!" or "let me know what you liked best!" - listen. i don't think 'fishing for compliments' is bad as long as you're not being manipulative about it. these examples are very clear in what they're asking for, which is compliments, positive reviews, etc. and that's okay!!! first of all, lots of people LOVE praising works they like, i promise, and asking them to DOES make them feel like they have "permission" to (i know that sounds silly but i also know if you have anxiety about creating, you have anxiety about commenting, i see you, i was you). secondly, i have gotten the MOST encouraging, confidence-boosting comments this way, especially with the latter example. there is NOTHING more immediately anxiety-curing than a comment that says "i liked [scene/dialogue/character/etc] specifically." it's AMAZING. (also, if you're looking for advice on commenting, this is a GREAT thing to do. imo, this and "speculating/interpreting the work" are the two coolest comments i get they make me feel AWESOME.)

remind yourself, as many times as you have to, CONSTANTLY if you have to: likes/kudos mean someone enjoyed your work enough to press a button. views mean someone liked your work enough to click through for more. these are POSITIVE interactions, they are not "less positive" than comments or reblogs/reshares. i know those last two things are more obviously gratifying, and depending on if you NEED your work to spread (for exposure/commision prospects/etc), very good, awesome ways to support you, and i don't mean to say you shouldn't WANT comments and reblogs/reshares. but for me, it's helped me a lot to recognize that any bit of effort whatsoever means someone LIKED my work. it's also helped me to think of all the times i've shared a link to an artwork in a discord or something, and know that there is an entire, untangible metric i can't and will never see that, sure, i can choose to believe doesn't exist or isn't very high, but i can ALSO choose to believe it happens quite a lot, and the latter makes me FEEL better about my work and makes me want to create MORE, so i think that's the more productive mindset personally. it doesn't matter what the truth is, you know? we'll never know it and it doesn't harm us to never know it. but it DOES harm us to assume no one quietly, unseen by us, likes our work, and it DOES ENCOURAGE US to assume lots of people do.

here's the thing: anxiety disorders fuck you up by making you believe extremely negative, scary, depressing things. the disorder gets worse the more you allow it to make you believe these things, and the only way out, as stupid and hard and at times impossible as it feels, is to say, "no, i don't like that interpretation, i'm going to replace it with a positive one." anxiety is making paths all throughout your brain, and you have to just, make paths too. anxiety needs YOU to make paths, but YOU don't need anxiety to make paths. your paths WILL be better, safer, easier and happier. you just—and i know that is the biggest "just" ever—have to make them.

but i believe in you. i don't need to know you or your circumstances to believe in you. i believe in the sheer amount of control you have over how you face the world. and it's so much more than anxiety would lead you to believe.

i looooove seeing artists & writers proud of their work!!!!! i looooove captions & authors notes that say things like “i’m quite happy with this” “i love how this turned out” “i had so much fun making this”!!!!!! i loooooove when the act of creation is joyful & we take pride in what we make!!!!!!!!!!

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

I need any girls of you choice with a reader who doesn't understand what the word fetish means and thinks it's another word for hobby or activity. Thus reader well say stuff like "Hey you wanna try out this new fetish with me."

(H:SR/GoV: NIKKE/Genshin Impact) Their S/O not knowing what "fetish" means

Honkai Star Rail: Bronya, Seele, Serval Goddess of Victory NIKKE: Anis Genshin Impact: Ayaka, Lisa, Eula, Xianyun

Quoth the Bae, of Hololive English Promise:

"What is a fetish? If you really think about it , the negative connotation of fetish just doesn't make logical sense don't you agree? I just think if you have your preferences you can have your own preferences and that's completely fine but like asking for someone's fetish just seems like you're prying into something but it shouldn't really feel that way? Also eyes and thighs"

Bronya was in the middle of drinking tea and filling paperwork before hearing the question that made her heart stop for a few seconds.

(S/O) "Bronya, would you care to try this fetish of mine?"

(Bronya) "HRK?!-"

Her hands fumble with the cup, causing some of it to spill over in the ground as she violently rocks in her seat, coughing as her eyes widened.

S/O quickly rushed over to her, one hand on her back and shoving some important documents aside as Bronya attempted to stabilize herself.

(S/O) "Bronya, what's wrong?!"

Bronya's face quickly scrunches up with embarrassment, quickly turning red as her voice cracked.

(Bronya) "What kind of question is that S/O? How can you discuss that so openly?!"

(S/O) "I-Is it that weird to paint out in public?"

...What?

(Bronya) "Paint?-...S/O, when you say fetish, what do you?-"

(S/O) "As in hobby? I overheard some of the people from Wildfire say it before."

Bronya blinks a few times before sighing, both her hands slowly dragging down her face before shaking her head.

(Bronya) "Dear...that's...not what that word means..."

(S/O) "What does it mean then?"

Bronya inhaled, trying her best to keep her composure that was snapped in half like a twig before her eyes shifted to the floor, fingers twiddling.

(Bronya) "I-It means..." ahem "...A certain activity or object you like when you are...intimate..."

(S/O) "Inti-?"

In an instant, S/O understood before their face looked similar to Bronya, the couple standing still completely red.

(S/O) "Oh..."

She thanked the Gods above that there were no guards currently in her room right now, lest they get the very wrong idea.

...Not that she was opposed to trying some things out, but this was her main office! Hardly the time and place!

(Bronya) "...Pray tell, who exactly gave you the definition of this word?"

(S/O) "W-Well, it was-"

Seele regrets saying the word fetish off handedly around S/O.

Forgetting that they came from the prim and proper SIlvermane Guard, they didn't know the meaning of such a vulgar word.

Or more accurately, they were a bunch of softies who couldn't bear to hear something so normal in the Underworld.

Regardless, S/O thought it meant something entirely different because Seele was not ready for the question:

(S/O) "Wanna join me in a fetish I've been wanting to try, Seele?"

(Seele) "Hm? Sure-...WHAT?"

Seele immediately spun around, heart racing as she eyed S/O up and down.

They were in the middle of the streets right now! She sincerely prayed that they weren't about to-

Was that a notebook and pencil they were holding?

(S/O) "Seele? Is something the matter?"

(Seele) "Yeah, somethings the matter! Just what the hell do you think that word means?!"

(S/O) "W-Well, I thought it meant activity, or-"

Well, S/O technically wasn't wrong.

(Seele) "Ugh, l-listen! Just...don't go saying that around in public! And just use the word 'hobby' like a normal person!"

(S/O) "So, what does it mean then?"

(Seele) "I'm NOT explaining that in public just...just wait till we get home, alright?!"

She spun around, mostly to make sure S/O didn't see her blushing.

Serval was in the middle of strumming her guitar idly, trying to make sure that it was tuned correctly when S/O came through the door.

(Serval) "S/O! What's up?"

S/O smiled at Serval, closing the workshop door behind her and taking a seat beside the rockstar.

(S/O) "Hey! I hope you don't mind me asking a favor."

Serval tittered, waving a hand nonchalantly in response before going back to adjusting the tuning again.

(Serval) "Not at all. What can I help with?"

(S/O) "A new fetish I want to try-"

A comically loud and out of tune note echoed throughout the shop as Serval's finger stopped flicking mid-motion, her eyes almost bulging out her skull.

The noise startled S/O, but not nearly as much as they had startled her.

(Serval) "Run that by me again, S/O?"

(S/O) "Y-Y'know. A, um...fetish. I want to try this particular song with you-"

(Serval) "Okay, okay! Hold up a second!"

Putting down her guitar and brushing the bangs that had fallen onto her face, she grabbed both their shoulders while she felt her face heat up.

(Serval) "S/O, are you and I thinking of the same word right now?"

(S/O) "I'm just talking about wanting to try an instrument out?"

(Serval) "And...there's no innuendo here, right?"

(S/O) "Does...fetish not think what I think it means?"

Serval gave an exacerbated sigh, though she couldn't help the smile that was forming as well.

(Serval) "Hah, not in the slightest."

S/O was such an idiot.

And by god, Serval was glad S/O was her idiot.

Anis spits out the soda she was drinking, not bothering to clean up as she spun around to S/O.

(Anis) "WOAH! W-When did you get so bold?!"

S/O was stunned by Anis's reaction, but she wasn't able to scan in any increase in heartrate.

Did they just get augmented to become extremely brave, or?-

(S/O) "I didn't think you'd get so worked up over model building, Anis."

...Okay, no they were just stupid.

Anis slumped back down on the couch, facepalming before cleaning up the soda that was covering the table.

(Anis) "S/O, fetish isn't some ol-timey word for hobby!...Well, for decent folk, anyway."

(S/O) "So what's it-"

(Anis) "Agh! L-Look, don't ask me!"

Her core quickly heating up, her fingers fidgeted as she did her best to look everywhere except at S/O.

(Anis) "Go ask Rapi or Ne-N-NO! DON'T ASK NEON! JUST...Just ask the Commander, or something!"

(S/O) "O-Okay? I didn't offend you or something, did I?"

(Anis) sigh "No, but...look it's something you don't ask in the middle of the lobby, okay? It means something pretty...dirty!"

(S/O) "Since when did you care about that kind of thing?"

(Anis) "WHEN MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND IS ASKING ME TO TRY A FETISH ON THEM, OKAY?!"

(Neon) "WOAH! You're doing what?!"

(Commander) "...Is this a bad time to come in?"

(Rapi) "Perhaps we should take a break and leave the outpost for a while, sir-"

(Anis) "N-NO! YOU'RE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA!"

Ayaka gasped at S/O's question, a hand going over her chest before stammering out a response.

(Ayaka) "Huh?! S-S/O! W-We can't discuss something so...degenerate out in the open!"

(S/O) "W-Wine tasting?"

Now Ayaka let out a small squeak. She knows she's heard something to do with wine tasting in the bedroom.

(Ayaka) "S/O, please!"

(S/O) "Hang on a second, Ayaka! I don't think you're understanding what I mean!"

For once, Ayaka thinks she knows something that S/O didn't outside of her duties.

That being the true meaning of a word that she found much too dirty to use.

(Ayaka) "S/O, do you know what that word is?"

(S/O) "Hobbies, right?"

(Ayaka) "I'm...afraid not, love."

Looking around to make sure no one was around, she leaned over to S/O's ear before whispering the meaning.

Which doing so caused her to become just as red as S/O.

Lisa honestly doesn't know if she's disappointed or amused by the fact S/O asked her to try a fetish without knowing what it really means.

Maybe a little bit of both, but it didn't fail to get her to laugh anyway, Lisa covering her mouth by balling up a gloved hand.

And their confusion, accompanied by that cute tilt of their head and slight pout, got her to laugh even more.

(Lisa) "Sorry, sorry! Not laughing at you, cutie."

(S/O) "So, what are you laughing about then?"

(Lisa) "Well...that particular choice of phrasing, really. You do know what that word means, right?"

(S/O) "What, fetish?"

(Lisa) "Mhm."

S/O crossed their arms before sighing.

(S/O) "I saw it in a book, though the sentence it was used in was pretty vague. I know it means something to do with an activity, from context clues anyway."

(Lisa) "That book must have been very flowery in its language if you could only pick that up from the context."

Before making a mental note to check out the book S/O was reading, Lisa puts one hand under her chin as her elbow rests on the table.

(Lisa) "Allow me to tell you the definition proper, S/O...Rather, I'll show you it."

Later that evening, S/O did know what the word meant, one sore body later.

Eula goes bright red at the question, immediately raising an eyebrow at S/O.

(Eula) "Is this some kind of joke, S/O?!"

Seeing S/O only laugh in reaction confirmed her suspicions. They were teasing her!

(Eula) "Hmph! Trying to get a rise out of an elegant woman such as I will only earn you my vengeance, S/O!"

(S/O) "My apologies, miss Eula! I did not know that a mere painting could get you so flustered!"

So, it was that kind of painting? Eula had no idea S/O was so...perverted!

(Eula) "Any right person would be, if asked! If you desire a nude model, then-"

Immediately, she noticed how red they got.

(S/O) "W-Woah! Hang on, I meant a regular painting! Like of a smile, or something like that!"

Eula paused for a moment, then furrowing her brows again.

(Eula) "Did you not just ask me to try a fetish with you?"

(S/O) "As in, hobby? Isn't that just a fancy word for it?"

...Oh.

(Eula) "N-Not in any circle I know."

Well, Eula certainly didn't want to be the one to explain it.

Xianyun is relatively unaffected by S/O's question as she adjusts her glasses.

She's rather thankful of S/O being so straightforward about the request, less trying to decipher or beat around the bush for her.

(Xianyun) "One is not opposed, S/O. What fetish would you like to attempt?"

(S/O) "Great! See, I really want to try swimming as fast as I can versus one of your inventions!"

(Xianyun) "...A competition against One's contraptions is enough to stimulate you?"

(S/O) "I imagine it would! If it's made by you, then it's going to give me a challenge!"

Xianyun is honestly touched, that something made by her would get S/O that excited.

Who is she to deny her lover such a request?"

(Xianyun) "One will oblige! Let us head towards the beaches and find a worthy space to try it out."

...

Later as she watched her contraption race against S/O to a nearby rock, gliding against the waters, she heard footsteps behind her.

(Lumine) "Cloud Retainer?"

(Xianyun) "Ah, you return! One is pleased to see you doing well. Though you come at a rather...intimate moment, I believe."

Paimon blinked into existence next to her companion, waving hello excitedly.

(Paimon) "Hiya!...What's S/O doing?"

(Xianyun) "They are indulging themselves in a fetish of theirs."

(Lumine) "HUH?"

(Paimon) "W-WOAH! Did Paimon hear that right?!"

(Xianyun) "One is certainly not to judge. In fact, One can appreciate their openness about the subject matter."

Lumine and Paimon did a double take at what S/O was doing, then back to Xianyun.

...Either she didn't know what it meant, or-

S/O returned to shore a moment later, still clothed in a wetsuit that Xianyun had created and waved hello to the Traveler and Paimon.

(S/O) "Oh, hey you two!"

(Paimon) "Uh...hi?"

(Lumine) "S/O, Xianyun just told us you were...involved in a fetish?"

(S/O) "Yeah! I wanted to see if she could make a machine that was faster than me at swimming!"

(Xianyun) "Are mortals not accustomed to speaking so openly about it to their lovers?"

(Paimon) "P-Paimon guesses? But...do you know what it means?"

(Xianyun) "Naturally. A sexual desire of the partner-"

(S/O) "WHAT?!"

(Xianyun) "...Oh. Well, that certainly explains why you were so calm about it-"

(Lumine) "...I should go-"

[cosmiccardistry]

Advice You Need To Hear Right Now

(Minors DNI + DNF!) Hello everyone, it's Cosmic or Card! Today, I'm doing a relatively simple, but needed tarot reading - one that pertains to, 'Advice You Need To Hear Right Now'! There are three colors to choose from: 'Pile One' will be blue, 'Pile Two' will be green, and 'Pile Three' will be red. When choosing a pile, look at the colors. Truly take them in. After that, shut your eyes. Breathe in and out until you feel calm - almost empty. Once you are relaxed, allow the color corresponding to the pile you're meant to engage with to appear within your mind. DISCLAIMER: I am a novice tarot reader. So, I do not intend for people to take my reads one hundred percent seriously! Also, this is a collective tarot reading. I am not reading your specific energy alone. As a result, it is unlikely that everything in your chosen pile will apply to you. Be discerning and use your own intuition! ⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

PILE ONE

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : I'll Try Anything Once - The Strokes, The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala, Borderline - Tame Impala, Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms, Canned Heat - Jamiroquai Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : "I fucking love Tame Impala, man - did you know that it's just one guy?", 555, banana, minions, bwah, rabbids First Four Cards From Deck #1 : Seven of Cups (Rx), King of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Ten of Wands (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : The Fool (Rx) (Clar. 7oC - Rx), The Sun (Clar. KoP), The Hermit (Rx) (Clar. 1oC), Nine of Wands (Clar. 10ofW - Rx) You really believe in something. You are deeply committed to whatever this "something" is. It could be a relationship, career, goal, idea, or something else entirely - however, what it is matters little. This commitment you are making is not as positive as you seem to believe it is. It is a negative situation pretending to be otherwise. The foundation you are currently focusing on - regarding this "something" you deeply believe in, despite all the red flags - is simply waiting to crumble. It's waiting to crumble because it's not meant for you. A good commitment, worthy of belief, does not make you feel extremely exhausted, or sap you of the passionate energy you wish to pour into something or someone. In fact, it is meant to do the opposite of all those things, Pile One. You have many options and opportunities, whether you see them or not. You could be putting your time and energy into many other and healthier things, but you don't... why? I think you understand, deep down, in all your wisdom, that you should commit yourself to things that make you truly happy - energies and opportunities that heal your heart, rather than break it further, but... you continue to ignore your inner wisdom. You ignore your inner wisdom in favor of continuing karmic cycle after karmic cycle with... whatever this commitment is. You might even become annoyed when the Divine tries to give you other, more emotionally fulfilling, opportunities in favor of pretending to be happy. The thing is, though, you could actually be happy! You would just have to do the work (which is easier said than done, I know - but still)! And there is an outright refusal to do the work, here - to heal the wounds that keep you in these karmic cycles. Your advice is to drop the swords - the defensiveness - against the help your spiritual team is trying to give you, Pile One. Not only that but drop the commitments that continuously hurt you in favor of... taking a leap toward happiness instead. Genuine happiness, I mean - not the kind of faux happiness you've convinced yourself you have, but the actual stuff! Head toward the future and away from the past, focus on healing yourself with the assistance of those around you (physical and/or spiritual), and you will achieve honest-to-God contentment. Thank you for reading, Pile One! And take care of yourself! :-) ⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

PILE TWO (TW)

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : Kiss Me, Son of God - They Might Be Giants, Rose Blood - Mazzy Star, Fade Into You - Mazzy Star, Video Games - Lana Del Rey Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : Election, death, pass away, "play stupid games, win stupid prizes", president, precedent First Four Cards From Deck #1 : Two of Swords (Rx), Eight of Wands (Rx), Page of Wands (Rx), Queen of Wands (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : Page of Pentacles (Clar. 2oS - Rx), Eight of Swords (Rx) (Clar. 8oW - Rx), Ten of Cups (Clar. PoW - Rx), The Moon (Clar. QoW - Rx) Pile Two, I am going to be as kind to you as possible. Namely, because it seems like you need that kindness right now. You've been going through a rough time lately... haven't you? I immediately started feeling sad when I began reading for you. I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Everything is going to be alright, no matter what happens next. You'll get through this. There is always an upside to every negative situation we face, even if that upside is hard to see in the heat of the moment. You might not know what to do with yourself. You might feel like you have no sense of direction, at the moment. You had all these plans and ideas, but... now - all of a sudden - they don't seem to matter. That being said, though, they do still matter. Your wants, hopes, and dreams will always be worth considering and fighting for - even if the world around you suggests otherwise. You are not meant to forgo your passions - not in this lifetime, not ever. Things might be moving slowly, but they are still moving nonetheless. You aren't trapped. Everything is not falling apart. You are not unmendable - and your life is not, either. The sadness and anxiety you feel are clouding your judgment right now. You have more opportunities for happiness than you, currently, think you do. For instance, you have many people who love you. They love you, whether they are around you physically or not. Don't push everyone away in favor of being alone. Embrace your loved ones - family, friend(s), romantic partner(s), pet(s), spiritual guides, ancestors - they want to be here for you in this trying, emotional time. Please, allow them to be. Get tarot cards for yourself, if you don't have them already - lean further into spirituality. Lean on the shoulders of the bright, unseen spiritual beings who love, guide, and protect you. On the other side of all this anguish, there is sunlight. There is justice and peace. There is victory and stability. Life is a constant cycle - you suffer the lows, so you can experience the highs again. I only ask that you prepare to see those highs, Pile Two. If we are not open to seeing the blessings as blessings, they pass us by without notice - prolonging our suffering. Consider noticing the small things—the little positives that make life worth living. It may be difficult to do, especially if you're dealing with mental illness, but it does make a difference. Not only that, but it becomes easier with time. You could also try twisting consistent, reoccurring, negative thoughts you have into positive ones! I know this seems like such a cop-out, but it does work! You will have negative thoughts no matter what; we all have them. Don't make it your job to force positivity onto every "bad thought" you have. I'm only suggesting that, if you notice a particular, negative thought process returning repeatedly, turn it on its head. It works and, again, it is something that gets easier to do with time. As a final bit of advice for you, Pile Two, get involved in something that will give its energy back to you. This could be a hobby. Anything. Involve yourself in something that brings you some semblance of happiness, is healthy, and lets you put your worries on the backburner for a while. Therapy could definitely be of use, too - if available to you! Oh, oh, and here are two lists of crisis prevention hotlines - if you need them: (x) (x) Aside from all that, I hope you feel better, Pile Two, and that you have a good one! :-) Thank you for reading!

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

PILE THREE

Shufflemancy/Channeled Song(s) : What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction, Just Dance - Lady Gaga, Spectronizer - Sentai Express, Sticky - Tyler, The Creator, Balloon - Tyler, The Creator Words/Sentences/Phrases/Numbers That Came To Mind : "I'm/You're insecure", Just Dance (the video game series), childhood, remember, internet, Justice (the clothing store), brick wall, things, thingies, trombone, trumpet, band, violin, orchestra, balloons, Animal Crossing First Four Cards From Deck #1 : King of Pentacles, Ace of Cups (Rx), Six of Cups, Nine of Cups (Rx) First Four Clarifying Cards From Deck #2 : Queen of Pentacles (Rx) (Clar. KoP), Justice (Clar. AoC - Rx), Ace of Wands (Clar. 6oC), Knight of Cups (Rx) (Clar. 9oC - Rx) You may have been feeling incredibly stuck recently. Particularly when regarding your career, finances, and goals. Either that or you believe that gaining more stability - financial or otherwise - will keep you from becoming stuck. If your heart isn't involved in the process, though, that is unlikely to be true. I say this all the time, but follow what you are passionate about and stability will come after the fact. The last time you followed your heart, however, may be cemented in your mind as a negative experience. Whatever happened has caused you to internalize an immense amount of heartbreak. It could have been anything - a bad relationship, a terrible job, an abusive home life - it doesn't matter. You were taught not to follow your heart and intuition as a result of what happened regardless. You need to break free from the trauma and suffering you have dealt with in the past, Pile Three. It's holding you back and keeping you from the stability you long for. This, also, could have even been a wounding that occurred in childhood because I keep occasionally thinking of different things that remind me of my own childhood. Me thinking of my own childhood makes me also believe, that - maybe - you finding ways to connect to your inner child could be helpful, here. You may believe that avoiding others and their assistance is best for you, but it really isn't - not when it comes to healing, anyway. In fact, by avoiding others, being judgmental, and pushing kind people who only want to help away, you are screwing yourself over. You are clearly not content with the past, so - again - release it! Easier said than done, definitely, but it can be done, Pile Three. By releasing and moving forward toward the future with an open mind, things will become so much easier and you'll actually get what you want. Stuff will actually start moving in the present when you release opportunities and ideas from the past that weren't meant for you. You have a future to enjoy, and you have a current moment to thrive in - don't let the past take anything more from you. You have everything you need, currently, to lead a fulfilling life - even if it may not seem so. You simply need to inspect things differently, with a fresh set of eyes, and you will see that fact. It is difficult to flip your perspective so abruptly, so be kind to yourself while you're working through any negative thought processes you may have, or past traumas that still haunt you. Resilience and strength will be instrumental, at this time - if you do choose to put the work into healing what still pains you and holds you back. However, I do believe you have what it takes to heal, Pile Three! I genuinely do! I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I thank you for reading! :-)

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

[honey-bell-aint-well]

How would Fresh react if a host he possessed, who knew what he was, wasn't resisting that much because they understood his situation and couldn't blame him, I mean he has to do that to live, and instead asked him to at least not drain them whole and leave them before they become unrecoverable, like that would be fair cause both of them deserve to live, and also just being very miserable and hurting and sad and silently begging for comfort and the same understanding they gave to him while they give him the saddest kicked puppy look in the mindscape/their imagination, ideally wanting to share control or at least for Fresh to occasionally humor them and listen to music or consume fiction they like, but doubting that would ever happen, and generally just hoping for Fresh to not be unnecessarily cruel?

First of all: Thank you for asking me a question about Fresh! Now I get to ramble >:3

Second: Interesting question. For the host it would be terrible, and I question why they would be so ready to hand their life over to someone else. Do they not have family or friends, are they not invested in their own life? Why? Are they a host by force or were they manipulated into it? Or did they give themselves up willingly? If it's the latter, then why?

Fresh probably wouldn't give them acknowledgement. He doesn't have the capacity to care about them, and he thinks of hosts as just tools. He wouldn't be cruel to them, because why unnecessarily hurt a body he's using? He doesn't want to feel pain.

But he canonically does enjoy it when the person he's possessing feels pain from him feeding on their soul. A quote from CQ: "In honesty, he’s just being sadistic and enjoys gaining control over others, especially if he tricked them beforehand. Possessing a crowd of people and making them do what he wants, just makes HIM happy. And by ‘happy’ I do mean his extremely numb, limited view on it."

But if he possesses them AFTER the Loveball? If he becomes capable of guilt, I think he'd still ignore their pleas, but this time out of a sense of self-preservation rather than indifference. I think he'd start to hate himself for it, but would be unable to even comprehend giving up the safety of having a host. His drive for survival is extremely strong. I think he can survive outside of a host, but his parasite form is very weak. I think he'd consider having a host to be necessary.

I also think he'd still be sadistic and enjoy their pain, but the enjoyment would be pretty soured by all of his new negative emotions.

I think, out of guilt, he'd let the host listen to songs and read fiction [as long as it isn't inappropriate. If it is then he'd censor it]. He'd probably do it very rarely though, and he'd be mad at himself for doing so. He's not used to guilt, and he doesn't understand why he's doing these things even though it doesn't benefit him. [Clarification: He'd be confused, but he'd default to anger because he's really bad at dealing with his emotions].

Over time as he feels more, he might begin to consider them more than just a tool. At that point, I think the guilt would be so strong that he'd feel physically sick. I don't know what he would do in that case.

And then there's the whole Loveball existential crisis. That definitely factors into this, but I'm not exactly sure how. He'd definitely keep trying to appear as his usual radical self, no matter how he feels. He might not succeed sometimes though, because having your entire worldview flipped.. that has the tendency of affecting people and how they interact with the world around them.

Thank you for asking! :D

[croziers-compass]

Truly, the base thing is that the younger generations of humans do not treat engaging with other people as speaking to another human being. Going to sound like a boomer myself, but there is such a distinct lack of both respect and decency. In online spaces and social media, respect is not something that is rewarded or treated as a standard; and that standard is entirely gone. So many of the younger folks nowadays treat all of their engagements across the internet with a lack of respect, decency, and honouring of the other person and their presence in their communication. Their time is spent in an online environment where they are enticed with drama, conflict, and they entertain boredom with antagonism. They also are engaging with people that they will never have to really see or properly engage with and if they want they can guilt-free block and never see someone again. This has rewarded and encouraged poor social skills and an inability to properly make deep and understanding connections with potential employers or individuals that can help move their careers or interests forwards. And then they, without knowing any better, ask the questions of: "Why do I have to treat another human being like a human being?" because they are not rewarded for treating human beings like human beings and not just a source of online entertainment and media consumption to scratch an itch. And this isn't just about e-mails as well. The way social engagements online have developed is very poor. Etiquette isn't something that's meant to be posh or high-toned. It isn't meant to be a display of superiority. It's meant to show respect, decency, and to let someone know you actually care about the other person, what they have to say, and how they feel about something. It shows you are also receptive to what the other person has. Don't you want someone to make you feel like they care and are listening to you? So when you reach out to people online, how you choose to engage with someone will determine if they wish to engage with you further. If you want to make connections with other human beings, you may have to understand that it is not always going to revolve solely around yourself. And I absolutely understand that the current settings of the social expectations of social media environments have derailed any idea of conducting yourself with dignity and respect or treating other people with dignity and respect. But it's something that will negatively impact someone in the future if they fail to grasp the importance of treating other people with basic communicated respect. Especially in professional settings.

not to sound like a boomer, but I need some people to learn how to write emails in a semi-professional (at the very least) format so you're not cold emailing a business/potential employer/any other stranger about formal matters in the exact same way you'd DM a close friend on instagram

the formality/language can loosen up in the email chain once you've established a rapport and you match the other person if they're being less formal, but please don't have the very first email you send a stranger be written in all lowercase ultra-casual sms slang with no greeting or signature and a billion emojis

[girl4music]

Okay. So I have a lot to say about the CaitVi relationship because - as expected - it was what pulled me into the main story of the show even further in understanding the narratives and themes better. Which… that alone is a remarkable achievement for WLW representation in TV art/entertainment. I haven’t seen that in a long time.

I love Love LOVE that Vi and Caitlyn are opposites. Vi handles everything directly. Usually with her fists first. Caitlyn is more cautious. She likes to understand the situation of something before attempting to confront it. That immediately stood out. But then what really worked for me besides the different approaches is how they want the same things but try to attain them through those different approaches. This meant they had a common goal but had contradictory ways of achieving it. Which is peace and prosperity for their respective cities, right? Only, they don’t always feel at home in those respective cities. In all understanding of who they are as people - they really should clash a lot as a couple. But they don’t because their motivations are the same. Vi only ever feels animosity for the Topside but Caitlyn is very curious about the Undercity. Again, there is a contradiction - an opposition - but because of what they can’t understand about each other, they can relate to each other and show one another that there’s more to the divided cities. It’s actually very clever how they use theme and nuance and tone to constantly quietly build on the progression of their relationship into companionship trust and eventually romantic love.

They use the two divided entirely different cities: the contrasting environments and oppositional experiences to make them form a bond which grows into romance.

That’s not the way it’s usually done so it stands out a lot. They’re such a contradiction as a ship that their misunderstandings help them to actually fall in love.

I think it’s fantastically written because the romance is not purposefully in your face. It’s not made a spectacle.

What is is the contrasting worldviews the other has. But that’s the point. That’s what cultivates the romance. Because the only real thing that’s similar is that of their goals. Protecting their people until they become each other’s person. The only real thing they’ve got to lose because they’ve already lost everyone and everything. This should make them enemies but it doesn’t. Instead it makes them friends and then lovers and life partners.

Vi goes against everything Vander says. Caitlyn is often silenced into submission by Cassandra. They contrast so much in their individual identities and environments that they’d absolutely fit in with each other and work well together. So when they finally interact, it all comes out in colours. And it just makes them so much more multi-dimensional and worldly both as individuals and as a ship. It’s fantastic. It really is great representation precisely because it’s not written and portrayed to be.

That in itself is one huge contradiction and yet look what was achieved through adhering to contradiction.

Honestly I think it’s because ARCANE itself is full of contradiction. I think it may even be its main theme.

I mean look at Jinx. Look at her. Would you think a character that looks like that would be so complex? Would anyone? No. They really flipped the switch with her to the point where her appearance actually helps broaden the complexity of her characterization. 👏👌

I am so very hopeful for the future because of Arcane because the creators have proved that you can take heavily negative tropes and subvert them into positive and deliver exceptional storytelling and representation. Yeah, I believe they faulted a bit in the final Act but that doesn’t take away from the fact they knew what they were doing and people should follow in their example.

[thecoiledserpent]

How can we start with veric astrology? Or how can we use it to work on our self and understand ourselves ? :)

thank you sm for giving me the opportunity to talk about this! i've really wanted to do so for a while, but wasn't sure if anyone would be interested :D !!

vedic astrology, at its core, is based on the understanding that we are a cumulation of our own past self and karmas. it emphasizes that the soul suffers, or enjoys, that which it bestows upon others in it's next life. the entire question of making a birth chart comes only when the soul is reborn, for the great do not; so through this chart, we understand our reason for reincarnation so as to work on our shortcomings.

to give a short example, when five of us would have the same score in high school, our teacher would assign all of us 5th rank instead of giving us all 1st. now it is a thing of intense understanding to be able to see that the teacher wishes for the children to improve by doing this. but ofc, there's that negative, pessimistic view of it too, which must be abandoned if you wish to study vedic astro.

now, to start, the following placements are the most important for spiritual understanding of your soul and past life:

rahu-ketu

moon nak. and it's lord's placement

planets in asc / asc lord

the following placements are the most important for material wealth and money in your life:

jupiter / venus

saturn

2nd hous

11th house lord / planets in 11th house

the following placements are the most important for physical health and well being:

mars

moon

6th house lord (retrograde planets in 7th affect it negatively)

the following placements are the most important for career or business:

moon

mercury

ak + amk combo

d10 chart

the following placements are the most important for spouse and married life:

jupiter + mars for women / venus for men

7th house

d9 chart

upapada lagna

the following placements are the most important for understanding your influence or standing in society:

asc lord

arudha lagna

moon nak and the traits associated with it

a general list of various placements to check for overall life themes. other than that you can explore vedic yogas, there are too many for me to be able to make a good enough list.

the following doshas are considered prominent in the chart and should be remedied if possible:

kaalsarpa dosha

mangal dosha

pitru dosha

you can search what placements lead to these doshas on google.

note: gandanta nakshatra shanti pujas are a scam, don't fall into it.

well, yes. so that's it.

[arttsuka]

Ok here are my thoughts about arcane season 2, buckle up

I wana say, I liked the second season, less about what we saw, more about the story they wanted to tell.

It started fine but as soon as episode 4 came the problem was clear. The pacing was bad. Everything was happening too fast, there was no time for smaller moments. A lot of character development was off screen too.

I've heard they were supposed to have more seasons but decided last minute to cut the show short because 'there are more stories to be told'.

Caitlyn had most of her arc off screen which is such a shame, I really wanted to see how she realized she was being manipulated, I wanted to see her dictatorship era. But we got none of that, it's implied it happened but we didn't get to see it.

Sevika was relevant up until ep4 and then we see her again in ep8. I don't think she has any speaking lines after ep4. Such a waste of her character, she was really interesting.

Isha. She came to the series as suddenly as she left. I have a lot of problems with her character, one of them being that she wasn't introduced organically. She randomly fell on Jinx (by accident). Arcane relies way too much on 'right place right time', on coincidences so, when that can be avoided, it definitely should. Make her fall on top of the first person that passed through on purpose so she won't get hurt (that person being Jinx is the only coincidence here). Her sacrifice felt a bit unearned because we didn't get to see her a lot, and after ep6, they never speak of her again (it affected Jinx sure but they don't even mention her once).

Mel. They did her dirty this season. They speedruned her arc (and the whole thing felt so out of place). I've heard that maybe the next show was going to be focused on Noxus etc which, if it turns out to be true, would be a bad decision. If they are actually planning on making something about Noxus, I'd at least expect Ambessa to be there and also, it would be a great opportunity to learn about Mel and her powers in greater detail instead of whatever we got.

Viktor as the herald, ultimate life form or whatever was so short lived. Make you wonder why they decided to include it only in the last episode instead of implementing a bit earlier.

Vi was also so, useless this season. She did almost nothing. She was a punching bag for the most of it.

Jinx felt a bit ooc, less about what she was doing and more about how there wasn't any time to see her get over Silco's death. Silco had such a negative effect on her mental health (all these hallucinations from s01) but he dies and boom, mentally stable? I would have liked to see her become healthier (it would also tie nicely with getting to know Isha better).

Vander. They brought him back. It was actually foreshadowed in the first season. Him being back is not my problem, on the contrary I think it was a great way to naturally bring Vi and Jinx back together. My problem was how we see him for 2 episodes (and then he 'dies'). It felt like a waste of time honestly, time that could have been used to see something else.

Episode 6 has to be the worst episode of the whole show. The pacing is pretty bad. The events that take place in it feel like 3 episodes, not 1. We get not 1 but 2 different artstyle montages, making the episode look, weird...

The best episodes were probably ep03 and ep07. Both had nice pacing (especially ep07, it felt like it was straight out of s01) and the story explored in them was pretty captivating. But I do have a problem with ep07. It's where Ekko got his 'time powers' from and honestly, they were pretty underwhelming? Also not at all well implemented to the story. We literally see him use them 3 times. 1: when he finds out about them, 2: when he saves Jinx and 3: when he goes back to try not to get captured by Viktor's mannequins. The last 2 on the same episode. That 4-second-limit was never really relevant (at least I don't think it's was). They wasted an entire episode giving him powers only for him to never really use them and for the machine to act as a bomb.

Also I didn't like the dancing scene with Powder and Ekko. I understand the vision behind it but I felt like my TV was dropping frames. It felt choppy, cheap (such a shame for a beautiful scene).

Now, I liked the lesbian sex scene in ep8, I really did, but it felt so out of place. Jinx basically implied she was going to kill herself, Vi was on the verge of tears because she was insecure about how she seemed to only make the wrong choices and then, that scene happens. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I've seen people compare it to the s01 'Jayce/Mel vs Viktor dying' scene and while I understand where the comparison is coming from it's definitely not the same. In that scene, Jayce didn't know Viktor was dying (he knew about his deteriorating health, but he was clearly shocked and left Mel to go check out on him etc etc).

Also, Caitlyn should have gone down on Vi. I think they image would have been stronger. Vi was at the bottom of the barrel her entire life (literal plot point, being from the undercity etc) so seeing Caitlyn, someone of higher status and power, being the one to 'bow' would just be more powerful. Just a thought.

I just feel like I liked their relationship and dynamics more in s01. They had more casual moments, more natural dialogue. Yes we won but at what cost? Their relationship was so sweet in s01. In s02 it started sweet, turned out to be manipulative on Caitlyns side*, they break up and then they're fine again.

*in ep3 it's clearly shown that while Caitlyn loves Vi she's willing to manipulate her to reach her own goals. That first kiss we see was definitely more of a 'I'm gonna play with your emotions so you don't doubt me' rather than 'let's just kiss now'.

I liked how Jinx cut her hair. The whole 'hair holds memories' and how she was ready to move on. Too sad that scene didn't have the proper gravity it deserved because the lesbian sex was happening (probably) the same time.

Ep9 was, something. I'm conflicted about it. On one hand I really liked how they tied up Viktor's and Jayce's plot lines, on the other hand everything else was so rushed. Caitlyn and Mel were a team (they didn't feel like one honestly), they fought Ambessa and then she randomly died from the black rose. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to kill her. 'She needed to die so Mel could become the wolf' no, not really. She could still be alive, have Mel 'spare her life' or something. It would be more on track with Mel's ideals that way.

Jinx sacrificing herself to save Vi was also so forced**. It felt specifically written so she could 'die'. I do believe that 'Jinx is alive' theory because Caitlyn looking at the vents while holding that monkey head Jinx's bomb had + that air balloon Powder said she'd fly away with are all too specific to be coincidences.

**her sacrifice was forced but foreshadowed. Isha was acting as an 'archetype' of what Jinx had to become. Her whole existence in the show was so Jinx could become an icon for Zauns revolution and for her to sacrifice herself so Jinx could see and do the same, break the cycle.

What really bothered me was how Jayce and Viktor seemed to be the only characters who had a complete story, everyone else had a lot missing scenes (they did too but way less, there never was a point where I thought 'where does this come from?', everythingwas explained about them. I wish I could say the same about the 'arcane', magic). It's so unfair, on the female lead show about 2 sisters for the male characters to be the final focus. Also another thing that bothered me how they did a seemingly better job at writing Ekko/Powder, the straight ship we got to see for 1 episode on a different timeline, rather that Vi/Caitlyn, the lesbian ship AND main focus since they're both main characters from the timeline were following.

Something else, I feel like the score for s01 was better/more memorable than s02. Sure s02 has some pretty good songs but s01 felt more diverse on that? Maybe that's just me.

Kinda lazy how they used the same song for the opening credits while using visuals way too similar (if not the same) to the artstyle of the show. Although, truth to be told, the s01 opening was way too good for any standards, it would be very hard if not impossible to make something better. Still, I feel like they could have done a better job.

Also maybe that's just me but there were a lot of predicable moments. Sometimes a scene would start playing and I'd know exactly where it was going (something I can't say for season 1).

I really liked in s01 how in each episode, before the opening, we got to see some glimpses from the past of each character. It was a great way not to have too many random flashbacks and include these scenes organically in each episode. In season 2 we don't get that. I understand that we already know these characters but it's still something I adored from s01.

What made s01 so appealing was how they handled the story, didn't rush things. How they took their time to make us understand and like the characters. With s02 we didn't get that luxury.

Season 1 was a masterpiece and unfortunately, season 2 didn't meet the expectations.

I still enjoyed watching it but it was definitely not as good as the experience of watching s01.

[vi-sigoth]

This assessment mostly gets it, but it glosses over another glaring problem. OP says “George would have to have an awakening of virtue.” And there lies the big problem, the other massive can of worms you have to open when you discuss GRRM:

George R.R. Martin is an agnostic. Too spineless to commit to a religion, too spineless to commit to being an out-and-out atheist. He’s a lapsed Catholic, and he makes it very clear in his books for the most part that religion = bad, and devoutly religious people = REALLY bad. The Faith of the Seven is a lazy parallel to Catholicism, and aside from MAYBE two or three people in his entire universe, all adherents to the faith are awful people. Baelor Targaryen was was a stupid zealot volcel, the High Pope Septon who reigns at the beginning of the main series is lazy, fat, and decadent, the High Sparrow and his Faith Militant are all evil, corrupt, and stupid. The Septas who serve the High Sparrow are nasty, evil bitches. The Silent Sisters exist basically as a way to punish slutty women, and no other reason at all, none. (I was not raised Catholic so if someone wants to jump in and elaborate on all the ways the Faith of the Seven fails to be a good parallel to Catholicism, please feel free.)

Okay, Visigoth, you say. But that’s his “Christian” parallel. He’s a lapsed Catholic so he has negative feelings about Christianity. What about the other religions in his universe? Well, the Faith of R’hollr, which is basically his Zoroastrian/Manichaeism dualistic religion has two main representatives in OTL: Melisandre of Asshai, and Thoros of Myr. Melisandre is a slut and a liar, and frequently lies and uses illusions to get people to believe in her powers, and her “prophesies” and visions are almost always wrong. And she’s also a dumb zealot (see the pattern here?) She has used legitimate powers once, for evil (killing Renly). Thoros has the very real ability to bring people back from the dead, but every time Berric comes back from the dead, he emphasizes that there’s nothing, no afterlife, just a void. (You get it guys? Get it? People who believe in an afterlife are STUPID! You’re a fucking idiot for believing in that). Okay.

What about the Faith of the Old Gods? The Faith kept by the Children of the Forest and the people that inhabit the North of Westeros. Maybe this one is better, it’s modeled on European pre-Abrahamic pagan belief. Maybe GRRM writes this one in a less lazy, uninformed way?

UGH. No. As someone who is a Celtic/Gemanic pagan and has studied lots of history, myth and legends around that subject, I can give my resounding opinion on this—GRRM writes his Pagan parallel just as lazily as he writes his Christian and Zoroastrian ones. The Faith of the old gods involve praying to faces carved in trees. That’s it. Nothing else. Nothing. That’s not how pagan belief worked, AT ALL. Pagan belief amongst Europeans (I know nothing about any other region so if you want to know why Aztecs cut people open and threw them down pyramid steps, you’ll have to ask someone else), if I can generalize, had several main tenets, none of which GRRM apparently bothered to research.

1). Belief in many gods who were good and benevolent, and who created human kind and the world they lived in. These gods were prayed to, made temples and altars for, and offered things like burnt offerings and libations. These gods oversaw the natural universe, i.e., crops coming in every year, thunderstorms and snowstorms, the birth of children, marriage, deaths and so on. Northerners and Old God believers do pray, but not that much, and to no one. There’s NO named gods? At all? Nothing?

2). Belief in ancestor worship and reincarnation. Uh oh! We can’t have that! Being proud of your ancestry and your blood line is for FASCISTS.

3). Priests, shamans, druids, goðis, volkhovs—whatever you want to call them. People had religious officiates. The went to them for medical aid, to officiate weddings, to bless newborn babies—all the things you go to your local pastor to and probably them some. Yes, these officiates often had hierarchical rankings—if Julius Caesar can be believed, there was possibly a “High Druid” or, if you will, a “Druid pope.” The only example we have of any sort of “higher up” in this religion is Bloodraven, and is he a noble Druid who has been bestowed higher powers? No, he only gets his visions at the expense of him painfully growing into a giant Weirwood, and he speaks in riddles and half-truths to Bran.

4). Rules and laws that governed behavior and morality (blasphemy was particularly frowned upon among Germanics).

5). Worship and veneration of lesser beings like land or water spirits. Okay, so there’s some trees with faces in them. Anything else??

6). Holidays??? Does anyone in this entire made up fantasy universe have a single holiday???? No specific celebrations that follow the strange years-long weather patterns? Wouldn’t the beginning of spring be a pretty big deal in a world where winter can last years? Where’s the summer feasting and bonfires?

7.) SONGS AND PRAYERS? I can get that maybe GRRM wanted the Old God Faith to contrast with the Faith of the Seven, which does have a “Bible” I guess (The Seven-Pointed Star) but just because there’s no written tradition doesn’t mean there can’t be any oral tradition. No prayers or songs? No harvest songs? No silly songs for children so they can learn the god’s names or anything like that?

Uh-oh! It sounds to me like that might be a little…too…dare I say it…ORGANIZED for poor ol’ George.

8.) The Afterlife. This is where I just can’t with GRRM. Beric says there is no R’hlloric afterlife, and what about an Old God afterlife? Who are all the voices in the trees that Bran hears? They’re dead Children of the Forest greenseers. Okay, so there’s an afterlife? No, you just go into a tree.

WHO CREATED THE TREES. WHO CREATED THE CHILDREN OF THE FOREST. IF THE COTF HAVE SOULS, WHAT OR WHO GUIDES THESE SOULS INTO THE TREES? WHO MADE HUMANS IN THIS UNIVERSE? WHO CREATED THE WORLD?

The Old Gods? The Seven? R’hollr? The Great Stallion? The Lion of Night? The Drowned God? Pick one, George. Pick one, you fucking fat, lazy coward.

But that’s the thing. George won’t pick one. George will never present a good, uncomplicated example of a decent, moral person from any of his religions, and he won’t flesh any of them out properly, because George thinks that religion is for people that are stupid, or people that are evil.

What’s the oldest profession in the world? It’s a shaman. It’s a person that communed with the powers on high and made known those powers to humankind.

But if you asked George R. R. Martin? He would tell you it was a prostitute.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

i've seen zks be like "if we were self inserting we would've been doing so with mai since she's such a blank slate character" but the thing is mai *does* have a personality, it's just an unconventional type of personality they can't personally relate to as much as they can with katara or jin

Katara also has a personality - one zutarians constantly disregard for the sake of self-inserting. Hence them constantly going on and on about how "No 14-year-old girl would go for a bald 12-year-old instead of the hot, older guy with a cool scar."

I wouldn't even say Mai's personality is unconventional, it's just personality that sexism says girls should not have. Being all nurturing and soft and vulnerable with someone else doesn't come easy to her, she doesn't react with too much emotion to most things, yet she will speak her mind when something isn't to her liking - and most things are not to her liking because, despite her apathy, she's not exactly someone people would discribe as "easy going". If Mai was a guy, especially a conventionally attractive one, she would be super popular, much like her boyfriend who could be a real bastard sometimes.

You just have to look at all the zutara fics, fanart and meta that constantly make Mai out to be an uncaring, cruel, and downright abusive person for doing things like not pretending to like something just because her boyfriend was the one to get it for her, or getting cranky, or asking Zuko to get her food, or simply getting mad at him when he unfairly accuses her of liking someone else... and then act like Katara is the "better woman" for supposedly being super easy going and "only wanting love"

Zutarians want a doormat girl that they can use to not only ship themselves with Zuko, but also to CONSTANTLY suck up to him. Katara just happened to be the one that was there from the start and, more importantly, didn't actually interact with Zuko that much, so she doesn't ruin their fantasy of "ideal girlfriend for precious boy Zuko" (extra ironic considering that, if Katara really was that passive instead of stubborn and strong-willed, Zuko would fucking hate her).

Because Zuko and Katara are rarely seen truly talking to each other and having to deal with their clashing personalities/goals, zutarians just pretend the negative scenes were "repressed sexual tension" to ignore the simple fact that these two characters genuinely hated each other - Zuko hated her for being a foreigner that dared to put up a fight against his nation's imperialism, and Katara hated him because imperialism killed nearly everyone in her tribe, including her mom - and then hyper focus on the few positive scenes, taking them out of context to make it romantic.

More importantly, they can pretend that they were TOTALLY thinking about each other during all those scenes in which they're dealing with literally any problem, as if Zuko and Katara were each other's "saviors", even though their arcs have nothing to do with each other -and since these are the overwhelming majority of the "scenes with zutara subtext" they are PERFECT for people who like self-inserting because they are completely blank slates.

But Mai? There are entire episodes in which her romance with Zuko is a super important part of the plot - and she speaks her mind regardless of whether Zuko likes what she has to say. She can be bossy, she can be cranky, and she is her own damn self (which Zuko canonically likes). More importantly, the show doesn't take the easy route of "every problem in their relationship is caused by something outside of their control, like the war or an obviously evil romantic rival that is totally coercing one of them into a relationship" - aka the lazy excuses Zutarians use to justify why their ship was never canon, let alone endgame.

Mai's personality is not easy to erase because she has an actual dynamic with Zuko, something Katara didn't have until the very end of the show and thus it naturally didn't get fleshed out enough to threaten the idealized version of it zutarians came up with in their heads. If Mai had been a one-off character like Jin, with only enough time to be charmed by Zuko's cluelessness, they would LOVE her.

[siringadev]

Guys, when I rewatched DoC once again, I found one detail that turned my entire understanding of Nero's ending upside down. The thing is, we all collectively believed that Nero was mortally wounded by Weiss under Hojo's control, that Nero left his physical body and then appeared before Weiss in his astral form, banished Hojo, etc. However, there is a short moment that I and we all missed. When dark Nero appeared before Weiss, Hojo looked at the place where Nero's body lay and noticed in a panic that the body was gone. What does this mean?

Nero did not die? And never was? It seems that either he pretended to die to fool Hojo (like in the remake he pretended to be destroyed in the battle with the Wutai warriors to then stab him from behind), or he absorbed his physical body and transformed it into an astral body of darkness, or his body was always this fluid, something between physical and metaphysical. He can teleport, pass through objects, his body is obviously not human-like, but demigod like. He is immortal.

In the remake, Nero's body is constantly changing, disappearing and reappearing, I noticed how there was no one in the tanker, just a cloud of darkness, then Nero's silhouette appears. Can he really be contained, or is he fooling Shinra, giving them the illusion of control like that meaningless restrictive suit and restrictive code that Nero could easily break?

When Nero attacks Sonon, he is invisible, he turns into a stream of dark energy, and only his wings are visible. Perhaps he can materialize in parts like the Cheshire Cat.

Does this mean that Nero is physical in this scene when he hugs Weiss and then merges with him?? Although we do not know the exact nature of his body and his dark power. Darkness/Void is described as a mysterious bioplasm, a stagnant lifestream, accumulated from the negative mental energy of souls. From this stagnant energy, Chaos was born too. So, on a divine level, Nero, Weiss (born from pure lifestream energy, hence his nickname Immaculate) and Vincent are brothers.

And after Nero merged with Weiss, Nero's like dark energy can be seen when Vincent fights Omega Weiss.

Before After

I don't think Nero is omnipotent, he also shows weakness, he suffers, he feels pain. But he is also strong and immortal like Sephiroth. In DoC online mod Nero was kept in the basement in such terrible conditions. Could he escape or did he voluntarily stay there so as not to subject Weiss to suffering, because Weiss could not escape because of the chip with the virus in his brain.

Here he is in agony screaming Weiss' name and crying when he learns that Weiss will die in three days if he kills Restrictor.

What do you think about this?

[catboybiologist]

Full agree, but its interesting to note the downstream effects of that.

This is partially a criticism, partially an observation. I think that a lot of the queer community has reverted to bioessentialism because mainstream society says that essentialist mindsets are more "real" than anything else.

Biggest example is how this affects conversations about HRT and sexuality. "Born this way" rhetoric was a HUGE part of mainstream acceptance of homosexuality in the US. I don't have a problem with this, but the downstream, more minor affect is that people don't want to accept that HRT can affect sexuality. If that were an acknowledgement, it also reopens the idea of medical conversion therapy, which is horrible.

The real answer to these problems is "the factors defining so many mental and physical traits are insanely complex and multifacted. Changing one of these important factors might change your emotions and mental state overall, and might not. Some are likely genetic or developmental, some are likely learned and unchangable, some are likely learned and changable, and some are biological but dynamic. But each state that it changes to has value, and we shouldn't be trying to tightly control how you end up, especially because you never know the exact factors contributing to that mental state. Some will be unchanging, some can change, but the entire issue is so complex that you can't really untangle the factors from each other".

But that's way too complex of an idea to be politically and socially convenient, so I totally understand why people avoid it. The thing I'm commenting on above is essentially the long term internalization of that concept within the queer community.

Are there negative effects of this "queer bioessentialism"? I think so, but I don't feel qualified enough to say whether those negative effects outweigh the power of using this rhetoric. I think it negatively impacts the ability for people to accept their sexuality or gender, particular bisexual people, nonbinary people, or even just trans or gay people that are too scared to explore because they don't "feel" that they're "really" that deep down. I also think it results in weirdly misguided attempts to ask about "the gay gene" among non-scientists.

This is a wild tangent of a ramble that's poorly formed but I hope at least some of my point is getting across

Half baked thought but there's something in the way queer people themselves continually downplay and deny the effects of HRT, including the mental effects

[hannahssimblr]

On narrow, shaded streets we amble among the crowd, past at all the little souvenir shops hawking bags and t-shirts, postcards and beaded bracelets. I grin at a magnet of a little fat faced chef, riding a vespa with a pizza in his hand. Something about his expression reminds me of Jonas.

“My stepdad used to buy magnets like that all the time,” Astrid says when I show her. “He thought they were so funny, but my sisters and I hated them. Their faces are creepy. They leer at you. The day he broke up with our mother, we threw them immediately into the trash.”

I buy it anyway. 

Outside a craft shop, she plucks a ceramic jug from a shelf to scrutinise. It is hand-painted in with delicate foliage in blue paint. “I think I could make something like this at university, don’t you?”

“Well, maybe this trip will inspire a collection of work for your pottery class,” I say, and she lifts it up to the sun, glinting upon the glaze. 

“It’s beautiful.” 

“Would you like it?”

She smiles. “I would. It’s so unusual.”

I get it for her, then carry the little package, wrapped carefully in tissue paper, around as she flits from store to store, finding inspiration in the art she sees. Inspiration comes to me, too, in the colours, the shapes, the slash of sky in negative space between buildings. I photograph it all. The fruit stands little dogs sleeping in doorways, bougainvillea cascading down whitewashed buildings, and laugh with delight as a little yellow car squeezes a path through a crowd of pedestrians. I marvel at this little town, and all the pockets of the world that still cling to so much charm.

“This is exactly what I needed,” says Astrid, on the terrace of a cafe overlooking the sea. 

“Coffee?”

“Yes, and all of this. The sun, the air. I have been so tired of Berlin lately, and the sky being so grey.”

“You’ve been bored.”

“A little, yes.”

We order coffees. Ristretto for her, Americano for me. The server eyes me with some savage combination of amusement and contempt. I imagine his thoughts. “Of course you would order this, American boy,” the man in my head says, and I force myself to smile at the real one. “Thanks”. 

“Grazie.” Astrid hisses.

“Oh, alright. Grazie. Sorry.”

As he returns with our order, he says something to Astrid in Italian. She responds, then him, and in front of me they have an entire conversation I cannot understand. I sit, sip my coffee, and wait for them to finish. Whatever he is saying, he’s very enthusiastic about it, gesticulating, hands moving passionately. I try not to be bothered when he points at me, and Astrid laughs at whatever he has to say, even though the heat of embarrassment rises to my face. If he’s saying something about me, I can’t defend myself. How frustrating it is not to understand another language being spoken right in front of you. Eventually, he leaves, and she simply straightens her dress underneath her and takes a dainty sip of her coffee. 

“What were you two talking about?” I say, after several moments. 

“Oh, nothing really. He was just asking me where we are from.”

“Right.” I trace the rim on my cup with my fingertip. “Just I think I understood something he said to you.”

Her brows rise in dull surprise. “Oh?”

“Bella,” I say, “As in, beautiful.”

“Oh, yes, he was talking about the weather. ‘Una giornata bella’, he said. ‘A beautiful day’.”

“What did he say about me?”

“About you?”

“Yes. When he pointed at me.”

“He said you don’t look Danish, and I agreed, because you aren’t.”

“Oh.”

“You’re self conscious?”

“No, just, I didn’t know what he was saying. I didn’t know if he was flirting with you in front of my face.”

“Italian men are very passionate about a lot of things. Perhaps it looked like that, but he was being friendly.”

I exhale a laugh. “Giornata bella, huh?”

“If he said ‘bella’ regarding me, it wouldn’t be okay?”

I pause. “Well, I don’t know. Calling another guy’s girlfriend beautiful in front of him is kind of on the line between okay and not okay, don’t you think?”

A shrug. “What if it’s true? Shouldn’t we allow people to appreciate beauty? To see it, and say something? What if I like to hear it? Would you prefer to see me locked away from the world?”

“Of course not,” I scoff. “I’m not one of those weird boyfriends that only wants you for myself.”

“I’m glad you said that,” she gazes at a lone seabird, whirling, spiralling above the bay. “Because I could never handle that. That will never be how we are.”

I smirk. “Yes, ma’am.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[ravenlly]

TSAMS, LAES, and EAPS Celestials As Pokemon Types

I got the idea to post this OVER A MONTH AGO but was too lazy. Anyway I thought it would be fun to go over what Pokemon types I think the TSBS celestials would be if they were Pokemon. I’ll explain my points! I’m thinking of making another about what existing Pokemon species they’d be, what teams they’d have in their party, or what training type they’d specialize in! Anyway, enough yapping, enjoy!

Sun: Normal/Fire- I chose normal for Sun because he isn't someone who wants to be powerful and is one of the more down-to-earth characters who doesn't see himself as ultra-powerful. However, he does mess with magic and he has the ability to use it to shoot fireballs so I decided to give him fire typing as well. Plus that also suits him considering he is an animatronic sun.

Moon: Dark- I just think the dark-type suits him due to him being a night-themed animatronic. Plus he is intelligent and perceptive and dark-type Pokemon are also often perceptive.

Lunar: Electric/Fairy- Fairy because of how he looks and his innocent appearance and electric due to his abilities. He has the ability to control all weather but obviously lightning is the one he chooses to use the most. I was considering adding dark due to him due to him recently acquiring negative star power but I decided to keep it as electric/fairy instead.

Earth: Grass/Fairy- Grass because of her being a nature-themed animatronic who also loves nature. You would think I'd choose water given that part of her planet design has water but I chose fairy because of her pretty appearance and kind personality. Plus she likes fairies and stuff like that so it really does suit her.

Solar: Normal- I decided to put normal since he's one of the characters who is the most sane and levelheaded out of the entire shows. I was considering making him a ghost type or adding that to him since he did die but this makes more sense to me. I also briefly considered fire due to him being sun-themed and orange and because of his canon arm but that didn't make sense to me since I don't want to base it off appearance for the most part and he no longer has the canon arm.

Nexus: Dark/Poison- Another one that's pretty obvious. Dark due to his personality, his usage of dark star power, and because he is a night-themed animatronic. Poison also because of negative star power essentially being a poisonous substance.

Eclipse: Dark/Ghost- Pretty straightforward. Dark due to his grouchy, lonesome personality and ghost because he has died and come back to life so many times.

Ruin: Psychic- This was a tough one. I didn't know whether to make him dark or psychic and I thought combining the two wasn't probably the best idea. I would've chosen dark due to all the trauma he has gone through and the dark things he's done for the greater good but I decided to go with psychic instead! He's extremely intelligent and aware of what's going on around him a lot of the time. He is also perceptive of emotions and he seems to know how things are going to go a lot of the time. I thought psychic was suitable for him! Plus we already have so many dark types here lol.

Jack: Fighting/Steel- I chose fighting for him because he is super protective, loves to fight, loves weapons, and was ultimately made to be a weapon. I chose steel because he has steel claws and other steel body parts that count as weapons.

Dazzle: Ghost/Fairy- Dazzle's is pretty straightforward as well! Ghost because she is a dead child. Fairy because she is a very adorable little thing and fairy Pokemon are known for being the most cutesy type.

Bloodmoon: Dark/Fighting- This one is pretty straightforward. Dark because his interest is very dark and evil. Fighting because he loves to fight everything. It was pretty easy to choose a type for them.

Dark Sun: Dark/Dragon- Even though he sees himself as a normal Sun, his interests and personality say otherwise. I chose dark because his thoughts and the things he has done are very, very dark. Dragon because he has a big wither dragon he seems to have control over (it's obvious what trainer type I'll assign to him when I post that lol).

Solar Flare: Fire/Steel- I wasn't going to make any based on their looks alone, I swear, but Solar Flare's "rays" look more like fire. It looks more like a hairstyle than the rays actual Daycare Attendant models have (sorry, Sun). But yeah it looks so much like fire I can't ignore it. As for the steel type, I basically gave him this type because he is one of the most robotic characters in the series since he didn't get to grow and develop much before his death so I thought that type fits him.

Killcode: Dark/Grass- I think KC would be a dark-type because he was originally made to, you know, kill things which is a pretty dark thing to do and makes him fit right into that category. I think post-death-loving KC would be a grass type as well because of how connected he was to nature and kindness (which go hand-in-hand a lot in stories if you think about it).

Lord Eclipse: Psychic- This is an Eclipse that got a star that gave him the ability to do anything and see everything in his universe. It only makes sense for him to be a psychic-type!

Servant Sun: Ghost- I bet I surprised you with this one, didn’t I? It's basically because Lord Eclipse had the habit of killing him and bringing him back to life over and over again. He's much different than normal (our canon) Sun is at the moment so that's why he isn't a normal-type. He is a shell of his former self and he's been killed and brought back to life a lot so that's my reasoning for him being a ghost-type!

[superemeralds]

i think about ur piece with shadow captioned “welcome to the promised land” ALOT… with that, i wondered what your thoughts are on the sonic movies (both the ones that came out and the new one thats coming) in regards to their portrayal of the police/military/GUN.

I’m personally really disappointed in whats been done so far (with Tom being a cop, like cmon man what. and with the goofy portrayal of the military, especially that old general guy in the second movie) and im really nervous about whats coming, with team sonic working WITH GUN (and now Tom and Maddie wearing military uniforms) in the trailers. I have a suspicion that Maria’s death will be an “accident”, like a very MCU style “sometimes the military makes mistakes…” bullshit. itd really suck to see this series become another piece of copaganda, especially since like. its so out of character, like sonic is unique in the way its been blatantly anti military (for the most part) in the games. it wasn’t revolutionary by any means but it is arguably a core part of the original story.

What are your thoughts? sorry for the long ask, I’m a big fan of your writing and thoughts on sonic (huge heart of a monster fan!). Hope youre having a good day!

big same. I've made the comic in question as a response to the first trailer for sonic 3 actually.

the trailer made me feel a LOT of emotions, mostly negative if im honest, and the only thing that I liked from it was the scene of shadow bursting from his tank thing and being sloppin wet that looked like he was standing in the rain. so i went and made a comic of shadow in the rain. and i made it as anti military and anti capitalism as i could.

becasue sonic 3's marketing, in my opinion, especially after the second trailer came out, is a perfect axample of everything wrong with the current western (mostly USA, but the USA influences the entire world so.) society. it exemplifies capitalism, militarism, consumerism, a lack of emotional depth and the infantalization as well as mliking (for a lack of better word; i mean how advertizements are usually heavily marketed at kids because parents will buy anyhting to shut up their crying annoying meat bags and therefore spend money on shit they dont want nor need) of children (that detective pikachu bit was so painful). and let's not forget the fatphobia. it was so painful to go back and watch the first trailer to freshen my memory for this reply oh god.

when sonic 2 came out i was really happy with the movie. i think sonic 2 is miles better than 1 in terms of characters and fun, most obviously because there's more of actual sonic characters in it now then the first. the first felt mostly like a pilot honestly. the second one had much more fantastical details and elements thatreally leaned into sonic's world. Or at least... the environment artists tried with it. I remember being OBSESSED with the fact tehre was a mural of perfect chaos in that labyrinth for like 1 second and theorized about what it could mean. while watching the movie i even speculated it was foreshadowing that perfect chaos was gonna be the secret final boss of the movie as that was only the halfway point of the runtime. having sobered from the hype i understand its a neat detail from the cg department that means absolutely nothing.

the worst thing is that the movie (sonic 3 now) itself might be like. a well made movie with good (enough) writing and good visuals and whatever. sonic might betray the military and go his own way bc here he's a little younger and he's learning (he didnt grow up w military so he might be blissfull yunaware bc hes only been fed propaganda through hollywood movies so far) and him meeting shadow and learning about his fate might change his mind. we don't know yet.

The marketing sometimes is detatched from the movie itself so it'll misrepresent things for the sake of "bait" to get ppl to spend money to watch it (the teenage kraken movie suffered from that bc it was fun imo i liked it). Or even just to get people to make viral reactions to get even MORE news of the movie out and attract more people. Especially when adapting a story that already exists I think it makes them reveal a LOT of the movie (I saw ppl complain they reveal the entire movie in the trailer, i think given the fact we already know all those key moments shown it's fine)

actually. does anyone know if the us army funded this movie? i know it does a lot of movies ever since iron man

idek where im going w this rn im just. eghh.... def not gonna see it in cinema ♥ my money goes towards literally anything else

[zhouzouzhouzou]

In case I can’t finish drawing the entire story, I’m providing some background details and a rough outline of the plot in text form. This is directly copied from messages I previously sent to someone in a private conversation.

I’ve been reading Jedi Apprentice recently and noticed that Obi-Wan has an intense obsession with becoming a Jedi, to the point where he was willing to give up his life once he believed he could never achieve that goal. For a thirteen-year-old Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn represented the lofty ideals of being a Jedi. As a result, Obi-Wan likely developed a special fascination—perhaps even an infatuation—with Qui-Gon. He sacrificed so much to become Qui-Gon’s apprentice, yet Qui-Gon was willing to defy the Jedi Council to train Anakin Skywalker as his Padawan, based solely on an unproven prophecy. This even happened before Obi-Wan had completed his own training. Later, Qui-Gon’s death dealt Obi-Wan a severe blow. At the same time, during his years as an apprentice, Obi-Wan may have realized that the Jedi Order wasn’t as great or sacred as he had imagined in his childhood. In fact, on some planets, the Jedi were even seen as symbols of chaos. This led to cracks forming in Obi-Wan’s faith, and Qui-Gon’s death—representing the shattering of Obi-Wan’s idealized view of the Jedi—became the true spark that drove him toward the dark side.

He resented the Chosen One prophecy. He also hated Anakin.

Young Obi-Wan didn’t realize that Anakin wasn’t the root of the problem. He failed to understand that his negative emotions stemmed from his crumbling faith in the Jedi Order. However, pain always needs a target, an outlet, and unfortunately, Anakin bore the brunt of it. Obi-Wan was still young at the time and couldn’t fully conceal his emotions, which allowed Anakin to sense that “Obi-Wan doesn’t really want to be my master.”

Another reason Obi-Wan despised the prophecy was that, if a Chosen One could save the entire galaxy, then it essentially dismissed the sacrifices and contributions of other Jedi. What did the Masters who died on missions count for? Were they less real than a baseless prophecy? Obi-Wan, already dissatisfied with the corrupted and inefficient Jedi system, came to believe that the Council was blind—or that the Jedi who believed in the Chosen One were blind.

Then, when Dooku reached out to him in the darkness, Obi-Wan accepted the gift of the dark side. It wasn’t because he enjoyed chaos or evil, but because he wanted to construct a better world using more efficient methods—methods forbidden by the Jedi Code. In Obi-Wan’s eyes, the world was never black and white; at the very least, the line between them was never clear. Can you really call someone evil if they use immoral means to accomplish good deeds? As a Sith, Obi-Wan took the name Darth Sanctus, meaning “the Fallen Saint.” This philosophy might have been somewhat similar to Dooku’s, which is why, after Qui-Gon’s death, Dooku became another hidden mentor for Obi-Wan. The rest is predictable: when Anakin killed Dooku, it deeply hurt Obi-Wan and planted the seeds of his rebellion against Sidious.

With his dual identities, Obi-Wan trained Anakin while simultaneously nurturing the darkness within him. How could Obi-Wan not understand what Anakin needed? After all, he had been a young apprentice who longed for recognition and feared loss. But Obi-Wan’s goals extended beyond simply securing the Chosen One for Sidious; he wanted to destroy both Anakin and Sidious. Every complaint Anakin had about Obi-Wan’s actions—these were deliberate manipulations designed to make it easier for Sidious to seduce Anakin.

Obi-Wan may have even deliberately done things that could be misinterpreted, only to turn a blind eye to Anakin’s feelings for him. As a Council member, Obi-Wan could interact with Padmé under the guise of duty while secretly using mind tricks on her, exploiting her to deepen Anakin’s weaknesses, making him easier to control.

Every hurtful thing Obi-Wan ever did to Anakin in the movies, series, and novels can be interpreted as part of his carefully laid trap. Every step was calculated to push Anakin into the abyss. The confrontation on Mustafar was Obi-Wan’s final act as a Jedi. He could have revealed his true identity to Anakin but chose not to. Instead, he defied Sidious’ orders to have one last fight with Anakin as a form of release. Once Sidious had Vader, Obi-Wan was no longer necessary. Moreover, Obi-Wan’s “mistake” was so grave that Sidious would have killed him immediately if not for one thing: Sidious knew about Anakin’s unhealthy attachment to Obi-Wan. As long as Obi-Wan was alive, he could be used to manipulate Vader until Vader was completely under Sidious’ control.

One key point to note is that Obi-Wan was never entirely consumed by hatred. During his interactions with Anakin, he developed feelings he shouldn’t have had, but he didn’t dare accept or acknowledge them. He feared that his own weakness would destroy everything he cared about. But love and hate don’t simply disappear; these emotions tangled together until they became something utterly twisted.

———This is basically the comic’s backstory. Below is what I might draw next:

⚠️⚠️Explicit content: Includes genital modification. Do not continue if uncomfortable.⚠️⚠️———

During a mission, Obi-Wan discovered a unique lifeform on a certain planet—an insect (or microorganism) that fed on necrotic tissue. These creatures secreted a protective layer over wounds, promoting tissue and nerve regeneration. For Force-sensitive beings, the creatures could even resonate with the patient to enhance the healing process. Obi-Wan secretly studied this organism for one specific moment: when he wanted to kill Anakin yet had to keep him alive. Because Obi-Wan had kept this research hidden from Sidious, the technique was known only to him, making it impossible for Sidious to execute him immediately, no matter how furious he was.

During Anakin’s treatment, Obi-Wan ordered modifications to Anakin’s reproductive organs. His original male anatomy had been irreparably burned, so he was given a surgically crafted female vagina instead.

Since Sidious was eager to deploy Vader as quickly as possible, Anakin was pulled out of the recovery tank before he had fully healed and placed into his iconic armor. The suit functioned as a rudimentary mobile recovery chamber, still housing the organisms that facilitated his healing. However, Obi-Wan regularly removed Anakin’s armor to tend to his wounds and assist in the recovery of his female anatomy. Using vaginal dilators, Obi-Wan ensured the new organ could adapt—gradually moving from smaller to larger sizes until he could “truly possess Anakin.” All these post-surgery procedures were carried out by Obi-Wan himself, creating extended periods of time for them to be alone. As a Sith, Obi-Wan took a starkly different approach to manipulate Anakin—he gave him the love, approval, and trust he had always craved. Obi-Wan knew exactly what Anakin wanted and hated, but the timing of when to offer these became key to training him, like taming a dog. As a master manipulator, Obi-Wan’s mastery of the dark side allowed him to completely control Vader, who repeatedly failed in his attempts to kill him. Vader was entirely in Obi-Wan’s grasp.

Obi-Wan knew he wouldn’t escape death, but his goal was never to die by Anakin’s hand, nor was it to sacrifice himself in vain. If the prophecy of the Chosen One was true, and the scales tipped toward darkness, the next step would be the destruction of the dark side itself. Obi-Wan’s ultimate plan was for Sidious to destroy the Empire with his own hands. After successfully “breaking in” Anakin, Obi-Wan would orchestrate his death at Sidious’ hands, knowing that Sidious’ leash on Vader would snap—and the first to be attacked would inevitably be Sidious himself.

Post-Death: Supplemental Ending

Obi-Wan didn’t truly create the utopia he envisioned. The wheels of history keep turning, and sacrifice and destruction are inevitable. Yet the Force guides its course. Like a forest consumed by flames, it will eventually regrow, vibrant and full of life. The Jedi controlled the galaxy for too long, stagnating its flow until it became a lifeless pool where Sith Lords could fester. Even without Anakin or Sidious, the Jedi Code had long lost its essence through generations of tradition. Its fall was inevitable. As the ancient Chinese text Tao Te Ching states: “道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名（The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao; the name that can be named is not the eternal name.）” This implies that truths lose their purity when they are spoken or named. Similarly, the essence of the Jedi was eroded over time. Perhaps it was better to dismantle the Order and let the Force guide the galaxy’s evolution naturally. Life always finds its way; excessive intervention is the real destroyer. This might feel a bit scattered since I haven’t thought it through in detail yet—just some overarching ideas before bed.

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞-𝐒𝐢𝐭𝐡!𝐎𝐛𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐧(𝐎𝐀)(1/2)

This is my first attempt at making a comic—it’s just a prologue for now. If I have the time, I’ll try to keep going, but I’m not sure I can see it through to the end! It’s been super tough as a beginner, so please go easy on my messy dialogue and paneling!