#that’s like the fourth mutual I’ve lost in a month come on guys

[soullessjack]

you can watch shows with family as a recurring theme, but Watch Out.

[idy-ll-ique]

Apprentice.

Pairing: Stephen Strange x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Mutual Pining

Warning: Forced kissing (?) idk how to put it. Almost one non-consensual kiss.

Summary: Doctor Strange, World's Greatest Sorcerer, is in love with his apprentice. Unfortunately, when it comes to love, he's a dumbass.

Author's Note: Hey guys I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long! My college started, my classes are going on in full force and I haven't written anything readable in so long ugghhhh hope you guys enjoy this (Except for Loki, Spider-Man, Bonky and Steeb, the other characters' fics don't do that well 😳 but I'ma post this nonetheless)

---

Stephen POV:

I sighed as I watched Y/N sitting on the floor talking and joking around with the Cloak of Levitation. "Skedaddle, skedoodle..." "Y/N—" "Your dick is a noodle!" Levi made a happy noise and wrapped itself tightly around Y/N. She completely ignored me, laughing as the cloak hugged her.

Y/N was my apprentice. She also, coincidentally, happened to be the woman I was totally, hopelessly and obsessively in love with. "Y/N, if you're done, maybe you can come here and help me!" I yelled as cold-heartedly as possible, finally having enough. "Sorry, sir," she whispered.

Oh, the things she did to me when she called me 'sir'. Of course, Y/N was the best apprentice ever. She was the student every teacher dreamed of. Wait, that came out a bit creepy— She got up and quickly walked to me. Levi settled herself back on my shoulders. Y/N took a book in her hand and started reading.

I silently watched her as she focused on the book. Since I was so in love with her, my mind believed that maybe being cold to her would help me. I needed to get rid of distractions and Y/N... she was my biggest distraction. "Sir, I found it!" Y/N squealed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Give that to me," I huffed, grabbing the book from her hand. "You may leave." Y/N nodded and got up, walking out of the library. I watched. The way her hips swayed when she walked, the way she only liked to wear skirts and sweaters all the time drove me crazy.

It was hard not to be in love with such a beautiful person.

Y/N POV:

"What's his problem," I grumbled as I picked my book off the stairs. I sat down on the fourth step and opened the book again. I was an apprentice to the one and only, Doctor Stephen Strange. I liked it at the New York Sanctum, that's where the both of us lived. I liked being an apprentice to the Sorcerer Supreme too, that is, if he treated me like a person.

He never talked politely to me. I was very damn sure that whatever it was, was my fault. I did something. So I started taking care more. I never messed up. It had been months since my last mistake. All of Strange's friends commented well about me. Wong and Mordo said I was the best apprentice there was. Even the Ancient One said I was good.

So what was Strange's problem? At least Levi liked me. She was the only one I could talk to freely, even though the cloak itself couldn't talk. As I quietly sat and read on the stairs, I heard a loud knocking on the door to the sanctum. Startled, I stood up. Before I could move, Strange was running down the stairs. "Don't move," he growled, stopping me as I followed him.

His hand collided hard with my chest and I was thrown back. I landed on the stairs on my butt. I groaned and scrambled back to my feet as Strange opened the door. Outside stood the two Norse Gods, Thor and Loki. My eyes widened.

I stood silently as the three of them chatted. A blush crept up my cheeks as I noticed that instead of focusing on what Strange was saying, Loki was eyeing me up.

I honestly didn't think I looked that great. Sure, I had a maintained figure and a thankfully unblemished face but no one would be into this. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and looked away, Loki's stare still burning holes through my body. I heard Strange sighing.

"Alright, follow me. Y/N, keep an eye on Loki. Make sure he doesn't touch anything," Stephen glared at me and went upstairs with Thor. I looked down. Why did Dr Strange hate me so much? As far as I remember, I had done nothing to him. "It's sad, how he treats you."

"What do you mean?" I looked up at Loki, confused. I grew extremely self conscious as Loki took a few steps towards me, smirking. "Judging by his tone and glare, he clearly despises you. Why do you still continue to be with him, dearest?" he crooned and I took a step back.

"It's— it's not what you think... I'm his apprentice, not his girlfriend," I whispered, uncomfortable. "An apprentice? How nice."

"Wh-What?"

I got incredibly scared when Loki smirked more and stepped closer to me. "That means you're available, aren't you? Unless..." I shook my head furiously. "I'm not dating," I said in a rush. Wait, why was I acting like that? I wasn't interested in him, not at all!

There was no denying he was handsome and intelligent, but I just didn't like him that way. "Good. I've always wanted a pretty princess like you." I audibly gulped as Loki stood an inch away from me. I was standing on the sixth step on the stairs while Loki stood on the fifth. Even still, he was taller than I was. He leaned down and breathed out.

My heart rate skyrocketed, what was he doing? Whatever it was, I didn't like it. I loved someone else. I was in love with my teacher, Stephen Strange. It hurt me everyday how much he hated me but I liked him a lot. As soon as Loki's lips were about to be placed on mine... "Loki, I told you not to touch anything!" Loki quickly pulled back and stepped down.

I continued standing where I was, my eyes closed as I breathed heavily. When I opened my eyes, I saw Strange glaring daggers at Loki. It looked as if he was about to kill Loki then and there. "Sir—" I started but he cut me off. "Ah-ah! Shut up, I'll deal with you later!" he growled.

"Yes, sir," I whispered, looking down. My eyes filled with tears, what was happening? When no one was looking, I wiped my tears.

Alas, I was wrong. Strange saw me wiping my tears and his heart finally shattered.

Stephen POV:

I could not believe the audacity of that terrible excuse for a demigod. How dare he try to kiss the love of my life right under my roof?! I was incredibly upset when I saw that Y/N wasn't pushing him away. I knew she had always been a shy person, but...

"Thor, take your brother and leave," I grunted, opening a portal. Thor was just looking around awkwardly as Loki smirked at me and I glared at him. "I'll not be forgetting about you, Y/N!" Loki purposely yelled as he stepped through the portal. I looked at Y/N as he said it and saw her flinching.

So she really didn't care about that man. My heart broke. Why was I treating her like this? Like a caged animal? Like a disappointing kid? Y/N was far from disappointing, she was excellent. When the portal closed, I looked at Y/N. "Care to explain?" I snapped, crossing my arms.

"It wasn't me, it was all him," she whispered, her voice breaking. She was trying not to break down. "What did he do?" I questioned. "He... he tried to kiss me. I didn't want to do it. I don't like him that way." Y/N was still looking at the ground, her book long forgotten on the stairs.

I picked it up. "I want you to look up when we talk!" Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. I was holding her book out to her. She extended a shaking hand and accepted the book. "Th-Thank you," she stuttered. I realised that her whole body was shaking. That's when it hit me, how difficult it was for her.

I treated her like scum, blinded by my own mind. She was doing her best to impress me yet I continued ignoring her. Today's incident must have been worse for her. I mean, being taken without consent... my mind cleared up.

I had to make it up to her.

"Come on, Y/N, let's continue with our research, shall we?" I asked her softly and she nodded, still avoiding my eyes. We walked to the library. After that, I treated her like the princess, the angel she was. I complimented her all the time, became friendlier with her.

She worked as diligently as ever. But now, there was happiness around her when she worked. And I, as always, loved watching her. I wanted to confess my feelings. By now, I didn't care about rejection. I just wanted to get the feelings out. "Sir?" Yet again, I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I asked, smiling at her. "Have I got something on my face or are you lost in thoughts?" she chuckled, eyes shining with teasing affection. I admit, after seeing her break down and finally treating her nicely, Y/N and I grew closer. We talked outside work now and she had a lot of interesting things to tell me.

"You've got something on your face," I smiled, getting up. I sat in front of her on the floor; she loved sitting on floors for some reason. She said it was cold and she liked it. "What?" she frowned, touching her face. "Beauty," I whispered and she froze. She looked at me.

"Sir, I—"

"I'm just gonna say it, Y/N, I'm in love with you."

"Then why did you treat me like I was nothing?"

"Because I didn't want any distraction from my work. You were the biggest distraction ever, with a beauty like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that maybe by treating you coldly the feelings would go away. But they grew. And now I realize, my work is actually the biggest distraction from you." She chuckled at my joke. I took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. "Please tell me you like me back, I won't be able to sleep at night," I whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She grinned and tittered.

"Of course I do, I love you so much, sir," she whispered and I finally, after months of pining, pressed my lips to hers. She kissed back. My hands moved to her waist and I brought her on my lap, leaning against the wall behind me as we kissed passionately.

"Tell me you're mine, no one else's."

"Of course I'm yours, sir."

"Gah, you have no idea what that word does to me."

She found out that night.

---

A/N: Oop. Leave a like if you liked it lol

[kooala]

once you realize - chapter four

USERNAME CHANGE!!

!!used to be kookie-off-his-kookie  but now it’s kooala!!

A/N: Hey guys! I’m glad you enjoyed my last chapter! Here is the fourth one and I really hope you enjoy reading as much as I loved writing it!

I also hope you guys will be happy to hear that it’ll turn out to be longer than expected so get ready for five, potentially six chapters! (: ✨

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Taehyung x his girlfriend Mina

Tags: best friend! Jungkook, idol verse, friends to lovers!

Genre:  angst, fluff, mutual pining, angst basically the cutest falling in love story

Wordcount: 3,2k

Warnings: language! flirting! careful kids, this one’s a slow burner..

Parts: chapter one / chapter two / chapter three / chapter four / chapter five / chapter six / chapter seven

Summary: Jungkook’s thought had been running wild for a long time now and although he still wasn’t sure if it was worth risking it all, he felt like there was only one way to find out. 

masterlist 

After waiting for almost forty-five minutes for Mina to get ready, the two of you arrived relatively late to the apartment. As the elevator doors opened to the massive entrance way, chaos seemed to be ensued already, judging by the screams that seemingly came from the living room.   “Guys! It’s been two months to get all of you together so can you just all get to the screening room? Or it’ll take us another month to start that dumb ass movie!”, BamBam was yelling across the entire first floor and as your heart started dropping, you paused while Mina walked out of the elevator. “Are you coming?”, she looked over confused and you felt so nervous all of a sudden, you couldn’t even exit the elevator.

“Hey... what’s wrong?” She raised her hand to keep the elevator doors open as they tried to shut and looked at you worried. “Y/N..”, she asked again and followed you into the elevator. “Why didn’t you tell me they’ll all be here? I don’t want to see Jae... I wouldn’t have come if I had known.”, you whispered and the expression on your friends face was thoroughly confused. “But I thought you liked him? I thought things were going well?”, she asked and pushed the button to open the doors again before the two of you felt trapped in an elevator. “Not like that. Not anymore. And after yesterday I really don’t...” – “Hey guys!” Tae walked over as the elevator doors had opened for a third time and you and Mina walked out since there was no turning back now.

“Hey, love.”, he smiled, kissing her soft before hugging you in. “Are you guys ready? It’s a mess, that’s all I can say.”, he chuckled and Mina looked at you over her shoulder, a worried look on her face as Tae dragged her along to the others.

Stalling for a long while you took a deep breath, waiting in the hallway to collect your thoughts before facing embarrassment in the other room.

“Waiting for me?”

Jungkook’s voice behind you out of the blue made you jump and as you turned over to see him walk out of the hallway with the bedrooms, your heart stumbled a little bit. He was wearing sweats and an oversize crewneck, his hair so fluffy and un-styled as if he had just woken up. “What happened to you? Did you just wake up?”, you blurted out nervously without filtering and Jungkook’s eyes turned into two big, round orbs. “Do I look bad?”, he asked insecure, ruffling his hair nervously and you felt absolutely stupid for blurting it out like that, since he looked anything but bad. “No. Not at all... You look really cute.”, you stirred back and the mixed signals you were giving off, even gave yourself a whiplash. “Oh..” His cheeks turned bright red and he cleared his throat, rubbing his neck nervously.

“Y/N! ARE YOU COMING?!”, Tae yelled down the hallway and you chuckled, following Jungkook who was leading the way.

The sheer volume of people talking in the living room was insane. There were so many people it was hard to keep track of who was attending, which made the thought of unintentionally running into Jaebeom somewhat manageable. Chances were rather low in this case.

Loosing Mina and Jungkook somewhere along the way of getting a drink you started feeling a little lost and insecure. Although all of these people were your friends, it was difficult when your thoughts and feelings were playing games with you and while everyone was still gathering some drinks and snacks from the kitchen counters, you had already made your way to the screening room, packed with big movie theater chairs.

“Hey!”, Jimin chirped from the second row and you smiled, waving at him while taking a seat on the far back, right on the edge of the room, something about sitting in the middle made you feel uneasy. “How are things going?” He knelt up onto his chair, turning around to face you while hugging the backrest.

You smiled and shrugged. “You know, all good. Better than yesterday. Sorry again for.. you know.”, you smiled embarrassed, while kicking off your shoes and pulling your legs up onto the seat. “Don’t worry about it. Just happy to see Jungkook got you home safe.”, he wiggled his eyebrows in a meaningful way and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to read into this. Before you had the chance to ask any questions, Tae entered the room with Mina and the two of them propped onto the double chair right next to yours.

You watched them curling up with a blanket quietly, putting their arms around each other and allowed yourself to let the loneliness you had been feeling, show itself.

“Do you mind sharing?” You looked up to see Jungkook had walked around the seats, showing up right beside you while pointing at the empty side of the double seat you had been sitting on. His arms seemed loaded with packs of food and a big blanket and with a smile you nodded.

“Sure.”

Reaching up you helped him sort out all of the snacks and drinks, helping him take a seat and prop the blanket over his lap. “I got it for you, too, you know?”, he chuckled, taking the blanket and placing it over your legs as well.

Both of you got to putting up the foot rests immediately, stretching out on your seats and once everyone had finally taken their seats in the room, Namjoon started the movie.

“Want to know a secret?” you whispered after a couple of Minutes and Jungkook bent over his head without taking his eyes off the screen. “I’ve never seen a marvel movie.”, you mumbled and his head immediately turned over to face yours, making you aware of how close he was. “What do you mean?”, he asked confused and you quietly opened the bags of sweet potato chips. “I just... haven’t seen any of the movies.”, you stated again and Jungkook looked heartbroken. “You can’t start with endgame if you haven’t seen the others?”, he whispered confused and the way he sounded like a little boy while saying that, made you chuckle.

“Well, then I guess you’ll have to show me then.”, you mumbled, eating a chip and with a smirk on your lip, you turned your head back over to face him. You were clearly flirting with him and judging his face, he was taken by surprise. “You can’t start with the last movie though...”, he insisted and with a shrug, you shuffled a little lower into your seat, stretching your leg out a little closer next to his. “I’ll manage.” You gave him a little wink before focusing your attention to the screen you hadn’t really looked at once up until now.

Not really sure why you acted the way you did, you internally cursed yourself, making sure to scold yourself for how you had been talking, especially in a room full of people. What if anyone would notice? You could feel Jungkook’s eyes lingering for a moment, trying to catch yours again but you made sure not to take your eyes off the movie this time. You had to tone it down or you were going to lose your best friend over the thrill of a few tingles in your stomach.

The past months both of you had been busy and if you admitted it to yourself, you had missed him more than just a little bit and although it hurt your pride to admit that a boy seemed to have taken over your life, he had definitely occupied most of your thoughts.

Every now and then, when you felt like it was safe to watch him during the movie, you glanced over, looking at his dimly lit up profile, super focused on the movie, lips parted and eyes quickly scanning every detail on the screen.

You couldn’t help but hold in that smile creeping over your lips and wrapping your arms a bit more around yourself, you tried to hold in the flutter that seemed to grow in your stomach. Nothing could make you feel more tingly than the close proximity between the both of you and once Jungkook was brave enough to glance over to you, too, he immediately reached over to put the blanket over you a little bit more, worried you may have been cold. The thankful smile and little nose scrunch you gave him while you said thank you, made his heart melt in his chest, leaving nothing but a warm pool of flutters on the inside.  

He wasn’t stupid, he had definitely been able to tell what you did earlier. The flirting had made his stomach twist into a tight but warm knot and since he wasn’t sure how to reply to that bold attempt of yours, he just kept quiet while trying to think of a way to respond. Although it was one of his favorite things to watch, he couldn’t seem to keep his thoughts on what was going on at the screen – quite the opposite actually. He seemed to be hyper aware of how you felt next to him, he felt you looking at him and he felt every shift and movement in your body.

The blanket he covered the both of you with,  seemed to make him even more aware of how hot he felt in his stomach. Sharing this enclosed space with you, made it worth it though.  

He had talked to his father about how he felt about you not too long ago but since his mom had been the one making a move on his father, he couldn’t really help with the perfect advise. His dad had advised him to only make a move if he was absolutely sure because losing a friendship just to “see how it goes” seemed like a bad idea – and Jungkook agreed.

But how to know if you’re absolutely sure? He had spent the past weeks thinking about it constantly, looking for signs that made him sure. Was thinking about you  constantly proof enough? Was that love? He thought about the incident with Jaebeom – was being jealous and angry reason enough to believe it was real? What determined how serious feelings were?

All he could really say was that sitting right next to you in that very second made him feel brave and insecure at the same time. Insecure because it was so close, there was no way to hide emotions or imperfections. What you saw was what you were going to get – the Jungkook that wasn’t perfect like the one in music videos or on pictures. It was just him – just Jungkook. Brave, because it made him want to reach out, put his arm around you, touch your hand, put his hand on your thigh and although thinking about this made the feeling in his chest grow – he simply wasn’t sure if he could risk it. He didn’t touch your hand out of the overwhelming fear of rejection and he didn’t put his arm around you in case anyone could see.

Taking a silent deep breath as his thoughts were running wild, he peeked over to Taehyung laying stretched out on his seat with his girlfriend resting on his chest. He could see how Tae was running his hand over her arm absentmindedly while watching the movie and all he wanted to do is turn around and do the same with you. Have you close, take a deep breath while you’re in his embrace.

What if he just did it? What if he would just reach out to you under the covers of the blanket, without anyone but you knowing what he just did? What if... He took a deep breath feeling the sudden nerves hit him so hard, that he felt his throat close up but curiosity had gotten the better of him and for the first time in over a year – he just needed to know.

You were watching the movie quietly and confused because without some of the backstory, most parts didn’t seem make sense to you and while trying to piece together the fragments of conversations they were having,  completely focused on the storyline and trying to make sense out of it all, you didn’t even notice it at first.

The touch was very faint and you dismissed it as accidental without giving it much thought but as you turned on your chair a bit, facing him a little more, you could definitely feel something. His hand was touching the hand you had resting on your thigh and this time, it seemed to be a little firmer than the first time, making you freeze mid breathing.

The sudden panic and excitement that hit you made it difficult to breathe. Was this actually happening? Did he really reach out for your hand under the covers of the blanket? Unable to look at him you just waited, not sure if he had pulled his hand back because it had been accidental or because you didn’t seem to join the motion. Sitting absolutely still, you waited.

There it was again.

He was doing it. He was definitely reaching out to touch your hand and while his fingers faintly only rested on your pinky, you took a deep breath and clasped your pinky around his slowly. You could tell, he immediately turned his head to look at you but you felt too shy to even move or breathe too loudly, scared the others would know and although he was the one touching your hand, you were even scared Jungkook was going to figure out you reciprocated the motion.

But he had figured it out and the fact that you had closed your pinky around his, made him feel like his chest was about to burst from excitement. Clenching his jaw nervously, he pushed his hand slowly under yours, tracing his fingertips over your palm until your hand rested on top of his loosely. His nerves started to get to him and he was absolutely panicked about what he was doing. What if he had sweaty palms? What if he misinterpreted your move?

Feeling his hand shift, your cheeks started getting really hot. You could basically feel your ears turning red and faced with embarrassment you did your best to not turn your head away from the screen in hopes wasn’t going to notice how badly you were blushing.

His hand felt really warm and soft in yours and if your heart hadn’t been racing yet, it was surely skipping beats once he slid his fingers between yours hesitantly, interlocking both of your hands. You wished you could’ve glanced down to see if it was really happening but the blanket was shielding you from it and partially, you felt happy.

No one else was going to witness this, it was going to be between him and you only.

“Why is Thor without the long hair I think they should’ve brought that back. Jungkookie could’ve  shown him how to grow his hair out – he’s been doing nothing but shaking his head to get it out of his eyes.”, Namjoon started breaking the absolute silence in the room.

The sudden conversation made both of you twitch so hard and pulling your hands apart that you had to immediately pull your phone out of your bum pocket to act busy, hoping they couldn’t see your burning red cheeks in the dim light.

“Huh?”, Jungkook asked because he hadn’t been listening at all, immediately raising his hand that had just rested in yours, to scratch the back of his head nervously. You dared to peek over at him and could definitely see his pink cheeks. Your smile was so big it almost hurt your cheeks from feeling so excited and tense.

The movie had almost finished at this point and you couldn’t get yourself to place your hand back into his, feeling shy and awkward like a child all of a sudden, so when the lights turned back on, you pulled your sweater sleeves over your hands, playing with the hem. Jungkook scooted forward in his seat, stretching his arms over his head long and loud until he sunk back into himself.

He turned his head to look at you and although he had initiated all of this, you felt caught, blushing again. The way he took a quick glance at your cheeks and chuckled seeing them, made you feel even more shy about it and you half-heartedly slapped his arm.

“Did you like the movie?”, he asked as if nothing happened while all of the others got up to head out to the living room. Feeling like you needed to do something or you wouldn’t stop blushing, you started gathering the trash on your seat, and on the floor. “I couldn’t really follow.”, you shyly stated, leaving it up to him if he took it as you missing the backstory of if he interpreted the hand incident with it.

“I can do it.”, he mumbled and bent down to pick up the popcorn kernels off the floor. The second he had bent down, was the second you wanted to look up at him and with a loud thud that made your teeth shutter, you hit your head against his, making you fall back over onto the floor you were kneeling on.

“Oh shit.”, you mumbled, rubbing your forehead and as you opened your teary eyes you could see him crouching down holding his head as well, a painful expression on his face. “Sorry.”, you mumbled chuckling, trying to blink away the tears in your eyes. “Was my fault.”, he chuckled and looked over at you. “I mean I always knew you were stubborn and all but damn Kooks.”, you laughed and he couldn’t help but laugh as well, reaching over to place one of his hands on the side of your head, gently rubbing the temple where the two of you had bumped into each other, with his thumb.

“That’s because it’s full of bad ideas.”, he mumbled chuckling and you weren’t quite sure what to do with that comment. Was it meant to hint on the hand holding earlier? Was it just meant to be a joke?

“Better?”, he asked after a moment, looking down at you. He was closer than he’d been in a long time and the close range between your faces made your cheeks flush again. You could only nod.

His eyes tried to find yours and although you looked away at first, too shy to meet his gaze, you felt how persistent he seemed to be about it. Jungkook took a deep breath, smiling at you. He hesitantly reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, softly rubbing over your temple a couple more times.

“You two getting paid to clean?” Jin yelled, poking his head through the door, making you flinch. “Just a casualty. I accidentally hit her head.”, Jungkook explained and Jin walked over to check on the both of you, forcing Jungkook to lower his hands.

“Everything ok, Y/N?”, Jin asked worried and you smiled, waving it off. “Yea, just bumped our heads.”, you smiled and took the hand Jungkook was offering you to help you get up. This time, holding his hand was different because now you knew how soft and gentle it could feel. You quickly let go of it, still confused by all the touches that had happened over the past couple of hours, desperately trying to sort out all those thoughts running through your head.

If you’ve managed to read this far, I’d be more than happy if you could like and share my chapter if you enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions for improvement or any drabble requests - make sure to shoot me a message!

thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll stay around for the fifth chapter! 💖

© kooala (stealing, translating or reuploading to other sites is prohibited.)

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Hanging by a Moment (Jack Traven x Fem!Reader)

Summary: For a long time you had a crush on Jack and before you could do anything about it, he met Annie. Now, two years later, maybe you two have a second chance.

Author’s notes: so this was requested by @takimamplanbingo. I’m so sorry it took so long to post it. Hope you enjoy it. Also, in my head, this is sort of a prequel to Stimulus Equivalence

Wordcount: 3185

Warnings: lots of fluff. A tiny bit of angst.

When the small chime above the coffee shop door rang you didn’t look up. It was weird no longer feeling obliged to do so, but you haven’t worked there in two months, so it was about time you got used to being a customer and not the barista.

Weirdly enough, you kind of missed it. It was a job that you didn’t have to be constantly thinking. After the first six months, your hands seemed to know the process of every coffee order in the menu and, while your mind wandered, your fingers worked the levers of the espresso machine, making the brewing magic happen for your next satisfied customer.

You also missed meeting all kinds of new people every day. People coming in for their breakfast orders or in need of a pick me up after a long night of partying. You missed the regular customers that knew your name and seemed as interested in your own story as they were in to share theirs.

You missed the small talk and the friends you made and that was why you started coming over every day, commandeering a table so you could study for cases or write for your thesis. It was a way for you to hang out with friends at the coffee shop and see old acquaintances. Besides, the café was right across the street from the clinic were doing your internship, the coffee was infinitely better there than at the library and Vinnie always gave you a discount on the pastries.

It was the perfect place for you. You could get lost on your work because everyone knew you would call if you needed anything and the idle chatter around you worked like white noise for you, helping you concentrate and sometimes you got so lost in your own little world that people needed to call your name a couple of times to catch your attention.

He didn’t. He said it once in that familiar baritone and your head snapped up, your heart hitting your throat as you came face to face with Jack Traven.

How long had it been since you last saw him? Maybe a year and a half? Maybe more? You weren’t sure. Even since you stopped taking the morning shift when you still worked at the café because you had classes at that time. The glamorous life of a Ph.D. candidate.

“Hi,” you said dumbly just staring at him.

In the time you hadn’t seen him, Jack had grown out his hair, so instead of his usual buzzcut, he was actually spotting a nice mane of black hair that suited him perfectly. His sense of fashion hadn’t changed at all though. He was still favoring those unbelievably tight jeans and white t-shirts, topped over by button-downs of the ugliest prints.

He still looked like a dream. Those broad shoulders stretching his shirts, along with his strong chest and bulging biceps. His face full of that boyish charm of a guy still settling into his own skin as he approached his thirties.

Jack was one of the handsome men you had ever met as well as one of the nicest and sweetest, which explained why the silence lingered as you stared at him. Even after all this time, Jack was still able to render you speechless by just being in the same room with you.

“It’s been a while,” he finally said, noticing that you were stuck without words. “May I?” he gestured at the seat across from you and you nodded.

Once again, the two of you just stared at each other, wordlessly until Jack let out a small chuckle, spotting that familiar sort of shy grin of his and your heart leaped. Almost two years later and your crush hadn’t abated. Just hibernated in the time you didn’t see him.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, once again breaking the silence. “Vinnie can never get my coffee order right.”

“I heard that!” the older man called from behind the counter, sending Jack a mock dirty look and you chuckled, shaking your head.

“How have you been?” Jack asked, ignoring Vinnie’s teasing.

“Good.” You nodded, glancing at the mess of papers and books surrounding you. “Busy.”

“That’s good,” replied and once again silence stretched between the two of you, heavy and weird as you racked your brain thinking on something to say.

It used to be so easy before. The conversation flowed, so did the banter and the flirting. You always had a teasing remark for Jack, which he replied with a grin and equal amounts of teasing. It was no secret you had a crush on him and everyone in the café seemed to think it was mutual. And it probably was until everything changed.

The door chimed rang again as you got lost in your own thoughts and memories, bringing you back to that day two years ago. You had been anxious from the second you stepped inside the coffee shop because you hadn’t been in all of last week, so you hadn’t seen Jack for that long.

It wasn’t that you were waiting for him exactly, but you kinda wanted to see him with your own eyes, make sure Jack was fine after the close call he had with the bomber in the elevator. You knew he wasn’t harmed. Not like his partner that ended up with a bullet on his leg, but still, you want to see him.

You would look up every time the chime rang, but this time, when it did you met a pair of familiar warm brown eyes and a wide smile that had you smiling too.

“Look who it is! The man of the hour!” Vinnie shouted, making everyone look over and Jack ducked his head with a shy smile. “Jack, my man! You’re a hero, I heard.”

“I’m no hero,” he said with a shrug as Vinnie busied himself setting Jack muffin on the counter before turning to make his latte. “Just doing my job.”

The two of you shared a look as Jack walked up to the register where you were. He took out his wallet and you just waved him off.

“On the house today,” you said with a smile. “For doing your job.”

“Thanks,” he replied, smiling too and for a moment you two just stared at each other, before someone behind Jack cleared their throat and he had to move away, letting you go back to work.

Even though your gaze was on the customer in front of you, your attention was at the easy banter happening between Vinnie, Jack, and Bob, the bus driver that usually came in at the same time as Jack.

You heard Vinnie quipping about some party and Jack’s good-naturedly reply:

“Can’t have been that good. I woke up alone.” You couldn’t help but look over then, catching him looking at you, his gaze full of meaning.

“That’s because you can’t get your head out of your ass and asked the girl out!” Bob joked on his way out, making both you and Jack blush as both realized you’ve been just staring at each other for the last minute or two.

You looked away quickly, trying to go back to work, but you could still feel eyes on you. His eyes.

“He’s right, you know?” Jack’s voice was surprisingly close and you looked over, startled to see him at the register again, watching you with a hesitant smile. “Go out with me? Tonight?”

“Pick me up at seven?” you asked, smiling too and Jack nodded, before grabbing his coffee and muffin and calling out a quick goodbye to Vinnie before stepping out.

That date never happened though and you shook yourself from your reveries, focusing back on the Jack in front of you and not the one from your memories.

“And, how are you?” you finally asked, fidgeting with the pencil in your hand. “Still with SWAT?”

“I’m doing, alright,” Jack nodded, peering at you. “Still with SWAT. It’s what I’m good at.”

And he was. You knew. What he did that day with the bus and the bomber, it wasn’t something most people could do. Or even would do. Leave it to you to fall in love with an actual hero.

“I should get going,” he finally said, getting up. “But it was nice to see you.”

“You too,” you nodded standing up to say your goodbye. The hug you shared was awkward and hesitant, but his scent lingered on you long after Jack was gone.  

You thought it would be a one-time thing, seeing Jack at the café again. You usually came later in the day when your classes were done or after a shift at the clinic and you knew Jack would usually stop by on his way to work.

Only on the following week, there Jack was again, on the same day, around the same time. He only waved at you this time around, picking up his coffee and heading off. Next week the same thing happened. And then the next.

In the fourth week, you changed tables, sitting at the one right by the window and watched as Jack came out of the building across the street, heading straight for the coffee shop. That was when you knew.

When Jack came in, you invited him to join you, offering a seat at your table. Once again, the silence lingered between the two of you, awkward and stilled until your gaze flickered at the clinic and Jack looked over too, letting out a relieved sigh.

“So, you know.”

“Yeah. Nothing wrong with it, you know?” you commented, giving him an encouraging smile and Jack nodded, gaze on his coffee. “What made you decide to start?”

“A case.” His voice was low, stilled. “A bomber. It brought back memories and…” Jack looked up, forcing a smile. “Can we not talk about it? I just spent the last hour doing just that.”

“Of course,” you assured.

You raked your brain trying to come up with something to say. Something to ease the worried lines of Jack’s face and the tension in his shoulders. So, you settled on your default. You babbled about your thesis. It seemed to be the right thing to do because you could see Jack visibly relaxing, his lips drawing into a little smile as he listened to you, one hand on his chin, brown eyes tuned to your every movement.

And so, your new routine started. Every Tuesday afternoon, like clockwork, Jack would come out of therapy and sit with you, talk about everything and nothing. Conversation became easy and natural again, so did the banter and it was as if nothing had ever changed between the two of you. Like the last two years didn’t happen.

Except they did and in the back of your head a little voice kept pushing you to ask that question and finally clear your last doubt, but every time you remembered that day, the one after the whole bombing on the bus thing. After you spent an entire day fretting over his wellbeing, wondering if Jack had come out alive from that case.

The day he walked into the coffee shop still covered in bruises and cuts, holding hands with Annie.

The worst thing was that you couldn’t even fault Jack for falling for her. They had shared something that you couldn’t even begin to understand, and she was smart and funny and beautiful. They made a lovely couple.

You could tell the second Jack remembered that he had asked you out the day before. He froze in place, his expression a mask of embarrassment as he met your eyes.

You hated the fact that you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him, not even when he pulled you aside, out of sight from the rest of the customers, his face pleading and regretful.

“I’m so sorry. I just…” he looked back at where Annie was sitting, drinking her coffee, laughing at something Vinnie said.

“It’s ok,” you interrupted, your eyes burning as you force yourself not to cry. “I’m glad you’re safe, Jack.”

You kissed his cheek then, before moving back behind the counter and making sure not to look his way until he was gone.

Now the nagging doubt remained with you. Where was Annie? He hadn’t mentioned once in all the times you two had met and talked. You felt weird about asking, but you were dying to know. Because you didn’t want to get your hopes up. Not again. Not after last time.

“She moved back to Arizona,” Jack said suddenly at one of your weekly meets, startling you. “Annie. Got a great job offer and she would be closer to her family…” he drummed on the table, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I guess we always knew it wouldn’t last.”

“Why do you say that?” you asked.

“Relationships based on intense situations never do,” he replied, smiling again as if remembering an inside joke and you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. “Anyway, I thought you should know since you’ve been working up the nerve to ask me for the past couple of months.”

There it was again, the grin, this time with just a hint of smugness, and that familiar twinkle in his brown eyes. It made you chuckle, heat rising to your cheeks as you sneaked a glance at him.

“That obvious?” you asked, and Jack just shrugged.

“Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part,” he said, sipping his coffee. “But anyway, now you know.”

“Now I know,” you nodded, pausing as you contemplated your next words. “There’s no one either,” you declared, meeting his eyes. “In my life, I mean. Romantically speaking.”

“Really?” Jack actually looked surprised. “Guys in your grad-school stupid or blind?”

“I don’t know,” you replied with a chuckle and you missed this. The flirting. “Maybe.”

“Lucky me then,” he said, his smile widening as he got up from his seat signaling it was time for him to go and you couldn’t hide your disappointment. “I’m not blind or stupid.”

You weren’t expecting to see Jack the very next day. Especially not before you even arrived at the café and already taking control of your usual table, a wide, but hesitant smile slipping on his face when you walked in.

“I have the day off,” he announced as soon as you were close enough.

“That’s nice,” you replied, noticing he had a basket with him. “Big plans then?”

“Yes. For both of us.”

“Us?” you repeated dumbly. “I can’t Jack, I have so much to do…” Even though you were verbally protesting, when he took your hand and guided you back out of the café, you didn’t think about struggling or asking him to stop.

“You can take one day,” he declared, pulling the passenger door of his car open for you. “Your thesis will still be there tomorrow.”

He did have a point, of course. Jack had that annoying habit of being frequently right. More frequently than you liked to admit. With a sigh that was more for show than anything, you climbed on his Bronco, throwing your overstuffed backpack on the backseat and turning on the radio as Jack pulled into traffic, taking the familiar route to Griffith Park.

It was a lovely day for a picnic. The weather was nice, the sky bright blue with barely any clouds and as the two of you sat on a spot of green grass overlooking the city skyline and enjoying the pastries Jack got from Vinnie’s coffee shop, you couldn’t help but feel like this was a perfect date.

Except you didn’t want to assume and Jack didn’t say anything either. Not while you were up there, not in the drive to drop you off at home late at night. He actually walked you to your door. Because you needed even more evidence, he was perfect.

“I had a great time,” you declared, hand on your doorknob as you watched Jack. “Thank you. I really needed that day off.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jack smiled at you, his gaze seeking yours for a second before he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Is tomorrow night too early for a second date?”

You grinned at him, your heart skipping a beat at that confirmation. It was all you needed.

“No,” you said with a head shake. “Tomorrow sounds perfect for a second date.”

“Pick you up at seven, then.”

“No bombs this time, please,” you joked, hoping you weren’t crossing a line. But Jack just chuckled, walking backward to his car.

“I’ll do my best.” He winked at you before he got into his Bronco and drove off.

You were a pile of nerves on the next night because it had been a while since you’ve been on a date and especially with someone you liked as much as you liked Jack. You fretted over your clothes, your hair, your makeup… You knew you were driving your roommate crazy, but you just couldn’t help yourself. It was Jack.

At ten to seven, you were ready and waiting, watching out of the window as the minutes ticked by without any sign of Jack. Seven came and went and he didn’t show up. Your chest filled with dread and panic. You flipped through the channels, expecting to see him in yet another dangerous, life-threatening situation but if it was happening, the press hadn’t caught wind of it just yet.

You paced your living-room, resisting the urge of calling precincts, find out what happened because half-hour had gone by and Jack still hadn’t shown up or sent any kind of word and it was driving you insane.

You made up crazy scenarios in your head: another bomber; a sniper, a hostage situation gone wrong. In all of them, Jack was hurt or dead and before you knew it, your mascara was ruined because you couldn’t stop the tears.

So lost in your own horrifying thoughts, you didn’t hear the doorbell or your roommate opening the door. You only heard the way Jack called out your name. You turned around to look, part of you wondering if you were dreaming.

He was filthy. His blue dress shirt smeared with grease, as well as his cheek and you could see there was a rip on his trousers. But all in all, Jack was completely fine, not a bruise or a cut.

“I had a flat,” he explained with an apologetic smile.

Before he could say anything else, apologize or explain any further, you were in his arms, hugging him and all but smashing your lips against his. Jack tugged you close to his body, holding you tight, his lips fitting perfectly against yours for a kiss that tasted like relief and longing.

You didn’t care if he was getting grease all over your dress. You didn’t care that you had lost the dinner reservations in the restaurant you’ve been dying to meet. You just cared that Jack was there. Safe and sound and with you. That was all the mattered.

xxx

Permanent Tag List (give me a shout if you want to added or removed)

@toomanystoriessolittletime @meetmeinthematinee @theolsdalova  @beyond-antares @cumberbatchbaps @sgt-morgan @futuristic-imbecile @a-really-bi-girl @fanficsrusz  @poisonedjoinery @soarocks @penwieldingdreamer  @partypoison00 @hnryycvll @kevia100 @reid-187 @krazycags01 @howtoruin-someones-perfect-day @nonsensicalobsessions @alwaydreamingofu

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Shadowhunters One-Year Anniversary!!

Hello, there! I don’t post a lot of things of my own (it’s mostly limited to my stories on AO3) but I truly felt like I had to post something now, because it’s a very special occasion! It is the one year anniversary of Shadowhunters! 

On this day in history, (one year ago, to be exact) the two-hour finale of Shadowhunters was aired. And thus we all collectively died.

So, here I am, to honour this momentous day.

I want to start off by saying that I am fairly new to this fandom. I joined it late. I’ve only been a part of the Shadowhunters fandom for about five months, give or take a couple. Today, I’m sharing the cliche that everyone shares at some point: how I got involved.

It all started when I was browsing the library in a nearby town for something to read over the long weekend and I stumbled across City of Bones by Cassandra Clare. I took it home, read it, and loved it. I started reading City of Ashes after that, and I took to the Internet in the wake of the revelation that Jace and Clary are “siblings”. I will admit, this was purely because book!Clace is my otp and I wanted to know if they were really siblings or if they still had hope. Upon discovering, (much to my relief) that they weren’t, I stumbled across another thing: a TV show based off of the Mortal Instruments book series. Naturally, I looked it up. I tried watching it on Freeform, but it buffered so badly that I stopped after only a few minutes. 

Fast forward a month or so. I’ve stopped reading the books (things that I’m not intensely interested in don’t tend to hold my attention for very long) and the Shadowhunters fandom is far from my mind. My friend gave me his Hulu password as payment for something I did for him, and though I’d assured him I wasn’t expecting anything in return, it ended up being one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever gotten, because that was how I found Shadowhunters again. It was in the recommended on Hulu, and when I looked at the description, I remembered it. I watched the first episode and immediately fell in love. 

The cast, the effects, the soundtrack, the storyline. All of it was so perfect.The characters were immensely well-rounded. The plot was engaging and interesting. I loved it. binge watched all of season 1 in about three days and then realised I should really start reading the books again, so everything would make sense. Unfortunately, I watch things a lot faster than I read. So I ended up finishing Shadowhunters while I was just starting the fourth book, City of Fallen Angels.

Now, I’m reading City of Lost Souls, rewatching Shadowhunters for the third time, and deeply involved in the Shadowhunters fandom.

The Shadowhunters fandom is truly one of (if not the) best fandoms that I have ever been a part of. Everyone I’ve met is very kind and friendly and always willing to help each other with whatever they need. I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful people through this fandom, and I’m eternally grateful to have them in my life. I’ve also written more fanfiction for Shadowhunters than I have for any of my other fandoms, partially due to the tools and resources available for writing in the Malec Discord server I’m a part of and the support and encouragement of my new online friends. In addition to this, I’ve finally found a character that I connect to on a deep, personal level in Alec Lightwood. 

In short, the Shadowhunters fandom has made my life a better and brighter place. It’s made me smile on days when I feel like I might never smile again. It’s connected me to other people that understand me and support me and be overdramatic when I really, really need someone to employ the theatrics of Magnus Bane and make me feel better. (Yes, I’m talking about you, Aria.)

Shadowhunters is one of those things that I’m not sure how I ever lived without.

To celebrate the one year anniversary, I ask my Shadowhunters-involved followers to make their own post (or reblog mine with their information added on) with their three favourite things about Shadowhunters. It can be anything - a favourite cast member, character, or episode, something you’ve gained as a result of the show/fandom, or something that’s a part of the show or fandom itself. Let’s share the love for our fandom!

My three favourite things about Shadowhunters:

1. Malec. The simple fact that there is a TV show in existence that has two male characters in a canon relationship and doesn’t perpetuate harmful bisexual and/or gay stereotypes is beautiful to me. Malec has given so many people so much hope for the future. Their relationship has made so many people feel accepted, validated, and loved. This is the kind of thing that we, as a people, need to see more of.

2. The Malec Discord server. I joined a Malec Discord server a while ago, after finding the link in one of my mutuals’ fics. It was the best thing I ever had doubts about going through with and ended up doing in my entire life. I’m socially awkward, as I’m sure most of you know. Not to get too sappy, but throughout my entire life, I’ve been cast out of multiple social circles because I am weird and not what most people would consider ‘normal’ and I didn’t really feel like I ever truly belonged anywhere. The Malec Discord server changed that. There, everyone that I have met is kind, friendly, and unfailingly welcoming to everyone, regardless of differences between us.

3. Alec Lightwood. I spend a majority of my time self-projecting in fanfiction and relating myself to my favourite characters. Naturally, I’ve always been on the lookout for a character that’s extremely similar to me. I found that in Alec Lightwood. So much of his story is synonymous with my own, from the pressures of watching over other people with all of your heart to the repression that comes with internalized homophobia. His story gives me inspiration and hope. Alec goes from hurting himself to avoid dealing with his own feelings to marrying the man he loves with all of the love and support he could’ve ever dreamed of. He is not only an icon to members of the LGBT+ community. He is also a sign that, even if things seem absolutely hopeless, there is always room for change. Things can and will get better, and he is proof of that.

Please don’t hesitate to reblog if you’d rather do that! I encourage everyone I know on here that’s into Shadowhunters to make their own post about the anniversary with their own three favourite things. This fandom has given me so much, and I feel in a way that this is like giving back.

To kick-start this post, (because I am not at all confident in myself and my ability to make it known) I am going to tag some of my favourite people from the Shadowhunters fandom to do this, as well, if they want to. You guys can tag people, too, if you like, or not. It’s up to you.

@archeryandeyeliner @arialerendeair @eternallysilvermagnusandalec @lightwormsiblings @bidnezz @skylar102 @aceon-ice @sugarandspace

TLDR: I am absolutely in love with the Shadowhunters fandom and everything it stands for. In this post, I talk about how I got involved and what the fandom means to me. In addition to this, I tell you my three favourite things from/about the Shadowhunters fandom. I also task my followers who are in the Shadowhunters fandom to create their own post about Shadowhunters in honour of the one year anniversary and encourage them to list three of their favourite things, as well!

Have a good day/night, everyone, and thank you for giving me a few minutes of your time. <3

[maple-keenes]

the second disaster: playing dumb gets you nowhere*  *with exceptions

the first disaster | the second disaster | the third disaster | the fourth disaster | the fifth disaster

summary: on a visit to the local museum, virgil meets and attractive tour guide and manages to convince him (somehow) that he doesn’t believe that egypt is a real place. 

it gets better. 

warnings: cursing, remus, deceit

pairings: analogical and brief demus/dukeceit/the ship with no name

wc: 1587

a/n: you don’t need to have read the other fics in the series to read this one, but i’d recommend it because i spent a lot of time on them 

um, there’s a mention that patton says he doesn’t know who virgil is, which if you’re following the canon of this series wouldn’t make any sense, so let’s just assume logan described him so badly that patton didn’t recognize him. 

taglist: @analogical-chaos @ilovemygaydad @alltimevirgilant @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @theincediblesulk @wroammin @creativity-killed-thekitten @bitchyybabyy400 @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @demurphart @thelowlysatsuma @land-of-dragons-and-frogs @theeternalspace @magicallygrimmwiccan @weirdsthenewnormal @romansleftshoulderpad @andrewisabraveboy @satanblessi @supbitchss @diamondrush862

- 

"Why did I have to come with you?" Virgil moaned as Roman dragged him towards the local museum. "I don't need the research!" 

“Museums can be cool! Come on, I just need someone here to make snarky comments about the birds in the wildlife wing,” he pleaded. 

Virgil rolled his eyes and relented. “God, I hate you.” 

“Love you too!”

Roman dragged him all the way to the wildlife exhibit he was supposed to be studying, and several families were confused by the angry emo 24-year-old being pulled by the arm by a bubbly 25-year-old theater kid to a random exhibit in the museum. 

Virgil and Roman had been close friends since high school, where they met through the misadventures of a mutual friend, Patton, and Roman’s brother Remus. The four had drifted apart over the years, but the two of them had gone to the same college and now, three years later, Virgil was still stuck going to this stupid museum with Roman. 

As Roman diligently took notes on the exhibit he was supposed to be researching, Virgil wandered aimlessly around the Egyptian exhibit and looked at all the… old stuff. (He was never really one for history. Too many white people pillaging and colonizing and not enough sword-fighting.)

He leaned over to look into one of the glass cases, and the attendant walked over with a smile on his face. “Interested in these artifacts?” 

“Oh… they’re cool. I was just looking around, really.”

The attendant nodded, still giving him that tight-lipped why-are-you-here smile. “Okay. These are scarab beetles. They were very common in ancient Egypt, and they were worshipped back then. They were sacred animals in Egypt.”

Virgil glanced at the attendant, who seemed to be about 26 or so, and noticed that he was… was it appropriate to say that he was smoking hot? He had tattoos up and down both arms, and glasses that framed his face perfectly, and Virgil’s bisexual ass was crying for this man to keep talking to him. 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, running a finger along the edge of the case, “I used to think that wasn’t a real thing until I came here.”

His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, before blurting out, "You didn't think Egypt was a real place?" 

Virgil, who was now slightly mortified, did nothing but nod. Oh, god, this hot guy thinks I'm an idiot, he thought, still smiling at the tour guide. “I -” 

“My stars, we get some idiots here…” he mumbled, and Virgil started, a bit offended. 

“So what if I don’t think Egypt is real?” he asked, affronted. “What are you going to do about it?”

The attendant blinked once, twice, apparently at a loss for words. “I…” 

“You know what, I’m going to go now, and you can mull over that,” Virgil said and then stalked out of the exhibit, head held high with the tour guide still tripping over his words behind him. 

He strolled through the museum for a little bit longer before catching up with Roman, who was still diligently taking notes on the exhibit he was supposed to. He glanced up when Virgil approached him and shut his notebook. 

“Where were you?” Roman challenged, frustrated. “You just wandered off.” 

Virgil stuck his tongue out at him. “Sorry, dad. I was just in the Egypt exhibit; I accidentally convinced a guide that I didn’t believe in it, too.” 

“You did what now?” 

He rolled his eyes, as if this was a normal thing that Roman should have been able to comprehend. “I convinced the guide - who was ridiculously attractive, by the way - that I didn’t believe that Egypt was a real place.” 

Roman stared at him, openmouthed. “You - oh jesus, you’ve got a crush on this guy, don’t you?” 

“How’d you know it was a guy?” Virgil said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Because I know these kinds of things, Virgil. You treat girls with so much more reverence than you do guys, so this crush is a guy.” 

He pouted. “I don’t have a crush on him. I just liked messing with him.” 

Roman folded his arms across his chest. “Describe him.” 

“What?” 

“Describe him,” he repeated. “Do it.”

Virgil stared at his best friend and then sighed. “He had like, really soft brown hair that looked really nice, and round glasses, and green eyes that were almost blue, and his face looked really intelligent but sweet at the same time, and - why are you /laughing?”

“You’re so gay for him! Oh my god!” Roman doubled over with laughter. “That’s so cute, it’s baby’s first crush.” 

“They will never find your body.” 

He glared at Virgil. “You’re awful, I hope you know that. Come on, let’s go back to the Egyptian exhibit! We can still find him!”

“No, we can’t, and it’s not worth it.” Virgil shrugged. “You done?” 

“I can’t believe you’re just giving up on true love like that!” Roman cried, exasperated. Several families shushed him, very annoyed. He frowned and turned back to Virgil, who was giggling silently.  

Virgil, finally recovering from his fit of giggles, said, “I’m not giving up on true love. It’s a crush, if that.” 

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” he replied, sticking his notebook in his back pocket. “Let’s go, then.” 

Roman, who was a wise man (sometimes) knew that there was essentially no convincing Virgil now that he’d made up his mind, so they went home. 

It was the next day when the guide, who’s name was Logan, and who was 26 years old, was with his friend DC, who was quite frustrated with Logan. 

“So you’re in love with him -” 

“Felt that he was attractive,” he corrected.

“And you just let him leave!” DC threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “Logan, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Logan exclaimed, pacing the room. “I just thought he was attractive and I wanted to get to know him a bit better, but he left, so, oh well.”

DC sighed loudly and glared at him. “I hate you. I hate you so much. Okay, I’m calling Patton and seeing if he knows anyone who fits that description because I’m /sick of your /bitching and I want you to see this guy again.” 

He rang up Patton, who said, “No, I’ve never heard of anyone like that. Do you mind if I try my friend Remus?”

Remus, by some strange stroke of luck, was the brother of the man who had gone to the museum with Logan’s crush, and he directed DC to his brother, Roman, who was the best friend of the man, who’s name was Virgil. 

“Virgil,” Logan said, savoring the way it rolled off his tongue. “Isn’t that such an elegant name, DC?” 

DC flipped him off as he scribbled down Virgil’s number from Roman. “Yeah, thanks, Roman. And tell your brother I said he sounds sexy.” A pause. “No? You won’t? Okay.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “You’re awful.” 

“I just got you the number of the man of your dreams,” he replied, handing it to Logan, who nodded in thanks. “But, yes, I am incorrigible. However, he did sound really sexy.” 

“I’m texting him, I can’t hear you.” 

Me 8:34 PM 

Hello! I am Logan. I was the tour guide at the museum the day you told me you didn’t believe in Egypt, and I was hoping we could meet for coffee and I could tell you all about Egypt… and myself, if you’re interested? 

And the rest was history. 

I mean, that’s not the end of the fic, I’ve still got to get us to the next disaster by the end of this one, but like, it’s written history. Recorded history. 

You get it. 

It was only five months later that Logan was nervously tapping his foot against the ground in the Egyptian exhibit, which was closed down for a special event. 

Logan had started working in the archaeology department at the museum, so he still worked there, and therefore was able to shut down the exhibit for a ‘special event’. 

Y’all aren’t dumb. You know he’s proposing. 

It had only been five months, sure, but ever since the first date Logan had known that this grumpy young man was his absolute soulmate. They complemented each other’s personalities perfectly, they were best friends, and their friend groups were now melded, meaning that the six of them were all quite close. And so Logan had Roman, Remus, Patton and DC’s blessing to propose to his emo boyfriend, and that is where we join him. 

Virgil poked his head into the exhibit, eyes widening when he saw his boyfriend down on one knee with a box in his hand. “Holy shit -” 

“Virgil, you are -” 

“Yes!” 

Logan sighed. “Can I finish?” 

“No, shut up! I’m saying yes, save the sappy crap for the wedding!” Virgil beamed and ran over to Logan, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I love you so much.” 

He smiled and hugged Virgil back. “I love you too.” 

So they were married two months later, in a lovely park with friends and family and Remus’s dog, who was the most important member of the wedding party. 

It was two years later that they adopted their son, Remy. He was only a month old when they brought him home, but he was the final addition to their family, and Logan and Virgil were happy. 

Even without the existence of Egypt. 

[missmudpie]

Name Ten Films That Have, For Whatever Reason, Stuck With You

@millennialfangirl tagged me, and this was harder than I thought and I might have gone over the ten.  Also, tumblr is being tumblr and not cooperating with gifs, so only the first film has one.  Here they are, in chronological order:

Casablanca, 1942

Look, Casablanca is the best film ever made.  Is it my favorite?  No, but it’s the best, much better than Citizen Kane, which is often heralded as the pinnacle of cinema but is about a rich old white guy who loves his sled.

Here’s looking at you, kid.  Of all the Gin joints.  Round up the usual suspects!  I’m shocked - shocked!- to find that gambling is going on in here (Your winnings, sir.). This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  As Time Goes By.  Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman and a supporting cast to die for.  Renault throwing away the bottle of Vichy water.

I could go on, but here’s why Casablanca has stuck with me: It’s one of my Dad’s favorite movies, too.  When I think of Casablanca, I think of him.  One Christmas (I can’t remember if I was in high school or college), the old timey theater in town played Casablanca.  I got us tickets as his Christmas present.  It is one of my favorite movie-going experiences (more on that below).

Star Wars, 1977

When I was little, we used to go to my maternal grandparents’ house every Tuesday, and I would watch Star Wars.  I was probably waaaaay too young - there’s audio of me playing out Star Wars with my My Little Ponies and I was like, three.  On my college essay, I wrote about how Return of the Jedi was my first movie (true story, I was six months old and slept through the whole thing, because apparently taking your sleeping infant to the movies is something parents did in the ‘80s).

Star Wars is where I learned about the Hero’s Journey.  About princesses and rebellions and wizards and flying spaceships.  I devoured the Timothy Zahn books and Young Jedi Knights series.  And yes, I’m a little down on it all after Episode IX - but I still love it.  It has impacted me in so many ways.  I know my life would be the poorer for not having seen it.

Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981

If Princess Leia was the first damsel I saw who get herself out of distress, Marian Ravenwood was the one who solidified the idea that women were perfectly capable of getting into and out of trouble themselves, thank you very much.  Then there’s Harrison Ford in being Peak Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones - Intelligent, clever, brave-bordering-on-reckless.  Who wouldn’t want to go on far-flung adventures to find hidden treasure, and maybe punch some Nazis while you’re at it?

The Goonies, 1985

Speaking of far-flung adventures, how about going on one in your hometown?  Booby-traps, pirates, Italian gangsters, Sloth, hidden treasure - it’s every kid’s playtime fantasy come magically to life.  I still want to go down those tunnel slides and shoot out into a hidden lagoon.  They just don’t make movies like this any more - fun, family movies that don’t dumb down the action or characterization for kids, that’s a ride for both kids and parents alike.  This was the first movie I showed my kids during quarantine.

The Princess Bride, 1987

Inconceivable.  The Six Fingered Man.  Death cannot stop truly love.  Only mostly dead.  Have fun storming the castle!  Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.  ROUSes.

This is a perfect movie.  It is.  It is lightning in a bottle and it should never, ever be remade (those were just rumors, right?).  This is romance and humor and suspense and two of the best swordfights in cinematic history (fight me on this.  No, really, fight me.  I took fencing in college because of this movie), all wrapped up in the sweetest Happily Ever After.  I love it so much.

Jurassic Park, 1993

I’ve told this story before, but here it is again.  In the summer of 1993, I was 10 and my sisters were 8 and just turned 6, and we convinced our parents that we were for sure old enough to see Jurassic Park - a book my mother had read and thus knew what level of horror to expect.  It did not go well.  I ended up burying my head in my dad’s chest; my youngest sister was in my mom’s lap; and my middle sister, with no where left to go, ended up under the seat in front of her.

Now, it’s the movie we quote (Hold on to your butts).  When my youngest had jello recently, I told him to hold it up and look scared, then texted the picture around.  We all knew immediately what I meant.  The DVDs are given as gifts and then immediately stolen.  My youngest sister can recite the entire movie.  I can’t wait to scare my sons with it.

The Shawshank Redemption, 1994

I don’t remember this movie when it came out; I remember it was this movie I hadn’t really heard of at the Oscars, where it won none.  Not until I was much older did I realize what a travesty that was.  I first watched this on a pep band bus trip in college - not the time or place to truly appreciate it.  Months later, I rented it (remember renting movies?) and fell in love with it.

This is a beautiful movie about friendship and hope and finding light in the darkness.  It’s always on TV, and I will always stop and watch at least a few minutes of it.  The ending - the last half hour, really - is pure cinematic poetry, but noting beats Red’s monologue as he travels to find Andy on that Mexican beach.

That Thing You Do!, 1996

This movie is Capital-D-Delightful.  Just thinking about it makes me smile.  This is the movie that tipped me from Tom Hanks Fan to I Love Tom Hanks and Need Him to Be My Best Friend.  He WROTE and DIRECTED this gem of a movie.  The talent.  The song is legitimately catchy, the characters are Wonder-ful (see what I did there?), and it’s all in Day-Glo ‘60s color.  I love this movie and make no apologies.

Toy Story 2, 1999

Speaking of Tom Hanks, this is my favorite Toy Story.  Look, the first is a technological marvel, but Woody is an ass throughout most of the film.  The fourth is it’s own thing, and the third is really, really good and I ugly sob at the end, but it’s also got a lot going on there.  But the second - oh the second is beautiful in its simplicity.  In addition to all of Andy’s toys, we get Jesse and Bullseye and even Stinky Pete.  It’s an ode to friendship and love and the realization that life, for toys and people, eventually ends, and we have to appreciate every moment we have now.  It is my favorite Toy Story.

Finding Nemo, 2003

I don’t know if it’s my favorite Pixar film, though.  It depends on the day, but most of the time that distinction goes to Finding Nemo.  I first saw it when I was twenty, a decade before my first kid was born, but it has greatly influenced how I parent.  The conversation between Dory and Marlin in the whale, the idea that keeping anything from happening to your kid cuts both ways, the leap of faith, the mantra of “just keep swimming,” the notion that your kids don’t just want, but need to have independence - it’s all there, in Pixar’s stunning ocean animation.  I get choked up just thinking about it.  “Now go have an adventure!”

Honorable Mentions:

Forrest Gump, 1994

I loved this movie.  I love Tom Hanks in this movie.  I would watch it in snippets during college, while I ate dinner or lunch or just needed a quick study break.  But it’s been years since I last saw it, and I wonder if it still holds up.  It’s a Boomer movie made when the Boomers were - basically, just a little older than we old Millennials are now.  It’s American history in the last half of the twentieth century, but the big events - Vietnam, Civil Rights, even AIDS - are filtered through the lens of a straight white man who kinda wanders into history but doesn’t really get why the moments are historic.  I feel like it’s a film I appreciated at a certain time, but wouldn’t love as much now.

Avengers: Endgame, 2019

There just hasn’t been enough time for this movie to make the list.  Ask about it again in ten years.  Although, to be honest, I haven’t seen the whole thing since I saw it in theaters, and I fear it won’t live up.  It was the best movie-going experience I’ve ever had.  The crowd was so into it, and the last battle had everyone, me included, screaming at the screen.  Part of what makes Endgame so special to me is that, among the three big franchises that ended last year (Avengers, Star Wars, Game of Thrones), this one actually stuck the landing.  And yes, I could argue that Steve Rogers’ end doesn’t actual make any sense and deprives Peggy Carter of her agency - but in the emotional moment of the film, it worked.  That portal scene is the culmination of twenty-plus films, and I still can’t believe it works as well as it does.

Thanks again for this! I second tagging @lerayon for this.  I feel like I’m kinda cold-calling mutuals from our Arrow days, so no pressure.  But I’d love to hear what @machawicket @dust2dust34 @dettiot @theshipsfirstmate​ have on their lists.

[bookworlders]

the wedding date - chapter 8

percabeth fake dating!au based on The Wedding Date movie

part 1 | FFnet | ao3 

note: this story contains adult content :) 

Annabeth woke up alone.

And sore. She stretched and her muscles ached in protest. The light streaming in through the windows of Cabin 3 brought attention to the pounding in her head in addition to her sore muscles. Annabeth suddenly remembered why — actually more like two, three, and an earth-shattering fourth reason why her body ached so much this morning.

---

It was the briefest of post-hook up naps. Annabeth bristled as Percy roused her awake with light kisses up her jaw.

“Wake up, sleepy head. I don’t think you want to sleep on a stable floor, especially with those dance lessons in the morning.”

Annabeth tugged one of the tangled flannel blankets tighter around them, enjoying Percy’s warm weight on top of her, “Hm, someone’s been paying studying Leo’s itinerary.”

“I never thought I’d meet someone who can turn me on by saying the word ‘itinerary.’”

Annabeth grinned, rolling them over so she was on top of Percy. The blanket slipped down her back and she shivered when the chilled air in the stables hit her bare skin. She kissed him deeply, hands threading into his hair. She couldn’t tell if she was still buzzed from the bachelorette party or drunk off Percy. She only pulled away when her lungs were screaming for air. She stared at him.

“What?” Percy asked, “Why did you stop?”

Annabeth settled her hands on his chest, “Is this too much like prostitution? It feels like prostitution to me. I feel like I’m sexually harassing you, with the whole I’m paying you situation.”

“Trust me,” Percy replied between kisses on her neck, “I’m only doing what I want to do. Also, you’re the drunk one.”

“I’m not that drunk. Anymore.” Annabeth added.

“Good, because since you are paying me, let’s just say this is, uh, an intimacy charge. And it’s on the house,” Percy suggested, resuming kissing her. Annabeth obliged.

They gathered their clothes that they could find (Annabeth’s bra was lost to the stables forever) and stumbled half-clothed back to Cabin 3. Annabeth swore she saw Will sneaking into Cabin 13.

---

Her sore body alongside the pillows and blankets strewn all over the Cabin made sense if Annabeth’s recollection was correct. She and Percy had barely slept last night.

But Percy’s side of the bed was empty. She sat up, searching for her clothes in the bedding. She found her camp shirt hanging off the bedpost, but it was, shall we say, quite rumpled after their late-night escapades. She settled on a casual sundress that was at the top of her suitcase. Annabeth heard the rumble of Percy’s low voice outside, noticing the screen door of the cabin was propped open. She slipped on some flip flops and peeked her head out the door.

“Yeah, the wedding’s on Sunday. I’ll be back in the city by Monday morning.”

Percy was on the phone. “It’s going pretty great actually. We had a lot of fun last night, if you know what I mean.” He chuckled, switching ears. “Yeah, her friends are pretty cool. No, I don’t think they realize.”

Last Annabeth checked, none of Percy’s friends new about their arrangement, even their mutual ones like Rachel. Annabeth’s face flamed.

“I’m her plus one. Good work experience. Haha. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”

Annabeth raised her eyebrow, crossing her arms as she waited for Percy to notice her standing out on the porch with him. Percy ended the call as he turned around and noticed her.

“Oh, hey, morning,” he said, an adorable grin sliding onto his face when he saw her. She was not amused.

“What the hell was that?”

“What?”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Oh, that was just—”

“Who are you blabbing to about our arrangement?” Annabeth lowered her voice, looking around the circle of cabins. It was still early enough that no one was milling about yet, but she pulled Percy back into Cabin 3, regardless, and slammed the door.

“Annabeth–“

“We sleep together once and you’re going on to the world about how I’m paying you to be my wedding date? I can’t believe you told someone! I am paying you to be discreet and this is not discreet.” She marched over to their bedside table, wrenching the drawer open a tossing a thick envelope at Percy, “There’s your fucking intimacy charge.”

Percy frowned, glancing at the cash inside the envelope, “What the hell is this? Well, now you are treating me like some kind of prostitute, if that was what you’re worried about.” He tossed the envelope onto their bed, “For your information, that was my roommate who thinks I’m at a wedding with a girl I’m dating. For real.”

Annabeth scoffed, “’Good work experience,’ ‘my friends don’t realize’?”

“My roommate and I were cast in As You Like It at Shakespeare in the Park! And I told him I don’t think your friends have realized that I’ve never been to a wedding before. It’s like you want this whole thing to fail. I have no stake in this wedding except to be here for you!”

Annabeth was about to retort when their door flung open and Piper barged in, “Oh, thank gods you two are awake! It’s time for the dance lesson, let’s go!”

Annabeth, arms still crossed and exasperated, muttered, “Piper, we’re in the middle of something.”

“You can finish up your something at dance class.”

“Come on, Pipes, I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet.”

Piper shrugged, “Well, you should have gotten up earlier, Chase. She grabbed Annabeth’s arm. “Oh, Percy, you’re coming too. Nico’s super hungover and hasn’t stopped throwing up and Annabeth is gonna need a dance partner.”

---

Annabeth was fuming, arms crossed and refusing to look Percy in the eye. Percy was also fuming, however she could feel him glaring at her head.

The rest of the wedding party were gathered in a makeshift dance studio in Cabin 7. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were going to join Piper and Jason after their first dance and open up the dance floor to everyone. Jason insisted on the wedding party taking a dance lesson from his sister, Kayla.

The bunks in Cabin 11 had been pushed aside to make a clear dance floor in the middle and the cabin’s décor had mirrors and bars along the walls already. Kayla had partnered them off and positioned them around the room — Piper and Jason, Reyna and Leo, Frank and Hazel, Thalia and Luke, and Annabeth with Percy as Nico’s stand-in, and Drew with Will who was standing in for Dakota, Jason’s friend from California who wasn’t flying in until tonight for the rehearsal dinner.

Kayla clasped her hands together, “Alright, everyone! We’re going to learn some ballroom basics so you guys can waltz to Piper and Jason’s wedding song. What is it again, guys?”

Jason beamed. Annabeth had heard them arguing about their first dance song for months, and it was clear that Jason had won. Piper rolled her eyes, “Tell her, Grace.”

“Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers,” Jason announced to the room.

“Only the whitest song in the world,” grumbled Piper.

“It’s the song that inspired Lover by Taylor Swift and since you wouldn’t let me choose that-”

“Let’s get started!” Kayla cut them off, thankfully. Annabeth could sense a fight starting if they continued. Taylor Swift was a soft spot for Jason. “First, we need to learn how to do a proper basic hold. That will be our base. Gentlemen, lightly take your partner’s right hand.”

The only thing that gave away that Annabeth had heard Kayla was the sharp exhalation through her nostrils. When Annabeth didn’t uncross her arms, Percy rolled his eyes, prying her right hand and taking it in his own.

“Now ladies, left hand slightly below your partner’s shoulder, and guys, right hand on her back. The holds should be very light,” Kayla continued.

“You’re gonna have to look at me for this to work, Annabeth,” Percy muttered, settling his hand on her back. “I don’t even understand why your still mad. I haven’t told anyone anything.”

“Shut up,” Annabeth hissed under breath, bringing her hand up to his shoulder, “I don’t want anyone to hear anything.”

Kayla was circulating the room, correcting each pairs hold. “Ooh, Annabeth, loosen up. You’re so tense. You don’t want to restrain Percy.”

Percy smirked, “You did last night.” He whispered in her ear.

Annabeth’s mouth gaped open. She stomped on his foot.

“That hurt, you’re being so childish,” Percy whined.

“What’s childish was your little kiss and tell stunt this morning.”

Kayla continued on teaching them the basic steps and counting, Percy and Annabeth bickering with each box step. They were actually pretty good at it. They were the first couple to nail down reverse and natural turns in the waltz, while most of the other pairs were struggling with who was leading.

“For the last time, Annabeth,” Percy said, spinning her, “I haven’t told anyone anything. Just believe me.”

Annabeth met him with silence, even refusing to look at him as he dipped her. Percy met her silent treatment in stride with their waltz.

“I’m surprised you’re actually letting me lead,” Percy said, moving them across the Cabin floor in time with the classical music Kayla had put on through the speaker, “I wouldn’t pin you as someone who lets other people take control after last night.” He guided them away from Thalia and Luke whose shoelaces had somehow ended up twisted together. Kayla was trying to unknot them.

“You don’t even know me, Percy,” Annabeth rolled her eyes.

“I know a lot more than most now.”

“And that’s exactly why I don’t want you spreading things around!”

“I haven’t said anything to anyone! Seriously, you just woke up ready to be pissed at me, didn’t you?”

“Might be because I woke up alone-”

“Hey, you two,” Kayla said, walking over to them after helping Piper and Jason with their counts, “Your turns look great, but I think I need to review the steps with the others a couple more times.”

Annabeth glanced over to where Hazel and Frank were struggling with their waltz. It may be that one of Frank’s strides were double of Hazel’s, “Fine. I could use a break anyway.” She dropped Percy’s grasp and strode to the other room in the cabin where Piper had set up drinks and snacks.

Percy followed her, scooching past Drew and Will who seemed to be tango-ing rather than waltzing and Reyna who was most definitely the one leading Leo around the cabin, “You can’t be mad at me forever, Annabeth. I’m not sure Nico will be able to deal with you stepping on his foot every five seconds.”

“Will you just quit it already?” Annabeth roughly twisting the cap off a water bottle off.

“You weren’t saying that last night.”

Annabeth choked on the water she was gulping down. She coughed, “You’re so goddamn frustrating!” She pulled a hair tie off her wrist and threw her hair up into a tight ponytail.

“Uh, Annabeth—”

“What! What now, Percy?”

“You, um,” he motioned to his own neck, flushing. Annabeth had a huge, purpling hickey above her collarbone.

Annabeth’s eyes narrowed. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, turning on the camera to view the evidence of her drunken tryst. She gasped. Percy swore she was exhaling steam from her nostrils, “Percy!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Look what you’ve done!

“Hey, you weren’t complaining last night!”

“The wedding is tomorrow-”

“Hey, you guys?” Kayla called out, peeking her head around the corner.

Annabeth tugged her hair back out of the ponytail, effectively hiding her hickey, “Hey, sorry, we’ll be back out there in a sec.”

“Actually, I think I’ll be a little while longer with everyone else. You guys can leave, though, you did great! I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner tonight.”

“Oh,” Annabeth said. “Okay.”  

Percy followed her back out into the main room of the cabin. Kayla’s dance lessons had since descended into further madness. Reyna and Leo had given up. Drew was in tears. Nico had finally shown up looking more gaunt than usual, and Will was yelling at him. Hazel seemed to nursing a bruised toe. Frank was fumbling with an ice pack and paper towels. Percy winced, he would not want a guy the size of Frank stomping around anywhere near his feet. And Piper and Jason were arguing in the corner with Kayla.

“Tell him, Kayla! We can’t waltz to Lover by Taylor Swift!”

“Actually-”

“It’s more waltzable than an Indie crap you want us to dance to!”

“Indie crap? What the hell did you just say to me, Sparky?”

Percy quickly followed Annabeth out of the cabin, he did not want to witness that argument. She stalked ahead, not bothering to wait up.

“Annabeth!” Percy sped up to meet her stride. She didn’t acknowledge him as she beelined back to Cabin 3. She pushed open the door, letting it swing back on Percy. He rolled his eyes, following her into the Cabin. “Annabeth, come on.”

She finally turned to face him. With the look on her face, he wasn’t sure if she was going to punch him or-

“What are you doing?” Percy pulled away after returning Annabeth’s fierce kiss.

Annabeth pulled her hair into a ponytail, exposing the hickey on her neck, “Getting you back.”

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

A View To A Winchester (Part 6)

Series Page

Summary: Julie’s starting a new life after divorce in a home with a very nice view.

A Dean X OFC story. No idea how long it will be, but I’ve got time on my hands. I got this idea staring out the view of my home office window and thinking how nice it would be to have Dean Winchester to ogle. I’m thinking it will go the fluffy route, with some angst, and maybe some smut down the line. Not sure yet.

Section Word Count:  3,787

Section Warnings: fluff, angst, R-rated language, drunk-dialing, Dean flirting/arousing/drinking

~~~~~

“I’m going to be a big tub of lard if this goes incredibly bad, really quickly.” Julie mumbled to herself in the kitchen bright and early the next morning. “I’ll eat my rejection in calories.”  

She had not slept well, despite Dean wishing her a good night. And, it had been all his fault. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. And pie.

There had been numerous Pinterest searches late into the night for tips and tricks on how to make the perfect crust. The barely used pastry cutter had been dug out of her wedding gifts box in the basement at about four am. At what was now six am, she was using it to cut the cold fats - a not-yet-tried-by-Julie mix of shortening and butter recommended by one blogger - into the flour.

Next came the slow addition of ice water and another novel ingredient, cold vodka. She had to wait an hour before even starting the dough that morning, placing a bottle of vodka in the freezer to chill. The alcohol apparently inhibited gluten formation which should, in theory, promote a tender and flaky crust. She was not a chemistry gal but she did enjoy learning how to use it to her advantage when it came to food. Forget Bill Nye the Science Guy. She was an Alton Brown, Good Eats fan.

What the hell am I doing this all for? Desperation? Thy name is Julie. What happened to telling Mr. Winchester you had lots of time to get to know him? Hitting the accelerator, baking a pie because you know he loves pie? It’s like exposing Superman to kryptonite. But is Dean Superman, and pie is the kryptonite in this analogy? Or am I Superman and Dean is my kryptonite?

“Fuck. I need sleep.”

She turned the dough out onto the floured counter. The folding was always the part that made her nervous. Her mind wandered to Dean again. Focus, don’t overwork it. Dimpling the soft, crumbling dough with her fingers brought her back to the feeling of his, dancing over her skin.

A weird, tweaked out bliss washed over her. She understood the enjoyment mom got out of cooking for others, even if she wouldn’t admit it. For Julie, it came from baking up treats for co-workers that made their eyes double in size and the occasional dinner parties with friends that ended with a multitude of compliments and full bellies. The parties I use to throw with Steve.

A flour cloud billowed from her continued kneading. Her nose tickled at the dust entering her nostrils. 

She’d lost a lot of their shared acquaintances over the past few months. Julie didn’t have it in her to compete for a mutual friend’s attention. Steve always needed the camaraderie more than she did anyway. She didn’t have the strength or inclination to work that hard for friendships that had already begun to dissolve or become distant over the last decade. The choice to not have children had put them both on a decidedly different path than all their married friends. In her honest opinion, the patriarchal society created a more obvious division between her and her female peers. It didn’t help that she was not one to offer to babysit. Let Steve be the fun uncle. Asshole.

Julie backed away when she realized the folding motion had gotten aggressive. There was no need to take her anger out on the innocent pastry. She separated the dough, formed two balls, covered them in cling wrap, and whacked them in the freezer to prepare for rolling out later. The Great British Baking Show is goddamn addicting.

But Dean. Dean’s lascivious, pornographic attitude toward food had set something off. If a cobbler or a cake could get the kind of a reaction she had witnessed from that man, she really wanted to see what a pie could do. She imagined those green eyes melting her with a gaze of adoration after her pie passed his lips.

I don’t think we’re talking about apples anymore. That mouth. Sweet Jesus. She had picked up on his affinity for lip licking and how his gaze lingered on her own mouth. Oral fixation. He has to be an amazing kisser. I bet he knows how to use that tongue. Everywhere. 

Julie shivered. She poured her second cup of black coffee and strolled to the tiny foyer. The reflection in the hall mirror under unflattering light only magnified the suitcases replacing the bags under her eyes. Her two sizes too big tattered pajamas reminded her of a potato sack. Dean is certainly going to want to get all up in this. Inhaling the aroma first, she then blew in the mug and took a languid sip. So, pie would be a good deflection from your appearance. But the friggin’ pie won’t be ready for hours. And, anyway, it might turn out horrible.

She still had to peel, core, and chop up a ton of apples for the filling. Christ, the sun isn’t even up yet. A yawn overpowered her, despite the injection of caffeine. I should try and take a nap. Her body slipped into her favorite sofa corner. Just a quick one. The mug steamed on the side table. Her lids closed.

~~~~~

Julie’s eyes shot open. Sunlight filtered through the golden sheer curtains covering the sliding doors. The mug was no longer steaming. It was quiet outside.

“Shit.” 

She unfolded out of her seat and rose to stand. Her body creaked in resistance. Discomfort in her muscles delayed their response with a stab of pins and needles. She cringed and cursed under her breath. A swish opened the curtains. Her mouth dropped open.

Lawn’s mowed. Her gaze shot up to Dean’s backyard. Impala’s gone.

“Shit.”

Phone. Julie flew to the kitchen. The phone had been used to look up the crust recipe. She swiped at the flour dusted screen. A groan. It was one o’clock in the afternoon. She groaned again at the notifications. Four messages. All from Dean.

“Shit.”

Knock, knock.

Anybody home?

Hey, Sleeping Beauty. All done with your scheduled lawn service. Was going to drop off your cake. Text me when you wake up so I can make a delivery.

Julie, I had to take care of some business. Be gone until tomorrow. I’m holding your cake hostage. In fact, I’m bringing a few slices with me for the road. Might not be much left. But, seriously, let me know you’re okay. Or I’m knocking your door DOWN when I get back.

“I missed him.” She whispered, in total dejection. She hit reply and began talking out her text. This new tick was happening every time she had a virtual conversation with Dean. “I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you. I teeter between an insomniac and coma patient lately. You can have ALL the cake.”

Her heart skipped a few beats when the phone rang, displaying Dean’s name.

She answered on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“I was thinking you dropped the phone and ran away after your text message.” Exasperation threaded through the bass of his voice. He sighed, faraway, on what sounded like his phone’s speaker. “Are you trying to play hard to get?”

“I’m still waking up.” It wasn’t a total lie.

“Hm. Pretty impressive. You slept through me knocking on the front and back door.”

“I slept through an earthquake and two aftershocks once.” She offered.

“Bullshit.” Dean stated without hesitation.

“I did.” Her defenses were up. “I was in California.” She didn’t bother to say she had been on her honeymoon.

“You should get that checked.”

“I did. I’m good. Just a sound sleeper when I actually get some needed rest. I take it you’re a light sleeper?” 

“Pretty much. I’m programmed to wake up at the slightest noise.”

“Work took you away again, huh?”

“Yep.”

She waited. “Is this where you tell me what you do?”

He chuckled. “It’s not as exciting as you’re probably imagining.”

“Try me.”

Without missing a beat, he responded, “Bail Enforcement Agent.”

“Wha-?”

“Bounty Hunter. Even though my colleagues don’t particularly care for the term, I’ve found.”

She gave it a few seconds to sink in. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Her mind replayed the conversation she overheard Dean have with his brother on the phone. He mentioned coming back from a hunting trip. “Is that the business you were in with your brother?”

“No.” He paused. “Let’s say it was bounty hunting adjacent.”

“That’s all I get, huh?”

Another chuckle. “Yep.”

“Now who’s playing hard to get?”

“Not I, sweetheart. You’ll never know what you would’ve been in for today... if you’d heard me knocking.”

She swallowed. A swooshing sound filled the absence of his voice on the line. He’s driving.

“Give me a hint?” A breathy whine escaped along with the question. She bit her lip at the accidental slip.

“Hell. I’ve got someone on the other line. Give me a minute and I’ll call you back.” He hung up abruptly.

She cringed at her reaction. Sexy. Ugh. You are so out of your league with this one. Well, no need to finish working on that pie now. She waved a hand and marched upstairs to change out of her pjs. The crust will keep.

Minutes ticked by. He got busy with work. Bounty hunting? She finished changing and pounced onto her bed, landing on her stomach. Her head shook. It’s an actual thing people do. But he could be lying, leading me on with some absurd and inflated story to see what he can get away with. She’d been that naive with men before, believing what they said at face value. Because, if she wouldn’t flat out lie, why would someone else? Life experience was a hell of a teacher. It turned her hard and cynical and untrusting.

Ten minutes turned into thirty. She browsed through social media apps on her phone. Every second increased her agitation. My window of opportunity has passed.

Over the next half hour, she applied some makeup and gave herself a pep talk in the mirror. “You are channeling all of your pent-up energy, attention, and sexual frustration into this one man. Not healthy. I mean, yeah, the sexual frustration part is totally understandable. But…” she trailed off and stared at her reflection.

Don’t want to get your mind off a messed-up relationship with a quick hop in the sheets. Take care of you. Remember? That was my mantra when I signed the divorce papers. Christ, the single hardest thing I’ve probably ever had to do. And, I added my name to that document like John Fucking Hancock. 

She nodded.

“Go out. Get some air. Run some errands. Just be. And be okay with that.”

Julie attempted to make herself believe her words as she went about her day.

~~~~~

Her mom had called to check in while she was out. So had her brother. Kelly, her co-worker, had texted about a project due the next day, bright and early Monday morning. Julie had taken off that upcoming week and wouldn’t be in the office to help. Kelly needed a pep type. Julie didn’t have the strength for a talk. 

Nothing major was planned for her staycation. The only thing she’d sort of been forced into by her old friend, Karen, was to host a mini belated housewarming that Friday night. Aside from the food prep and cleaning, nothing was on her to-do list for days. Now, she debated if she should just hop in the car and go somewhere. Anywhere, to get away from the temptation that was Dean Winchester. With her mother back home, she didn’t have anything keeping her tied to the house. Except the possibility of a very bad decision clad in plaid.

She returned home with a bottle of wine and a bottle of bourbon, the latter item she never drank. Wandering down the aisle of whiskeys in the liquor store made her think of Dean. He seemed like a bourbon guy, or a man that would appreciate the drink. The clerk had recommended the bottle with an unassuming label filled with a beautiful amber liquid.

Not depressing at all. It was six pm when she strolled up the steps to her bedroom. Her hands balanced an open wine bottle and foil wrapped hazelnut chocolates stuffed into her drinking glass. She tipped the glass and dumped the chocolates onto the bedspread.  Let me not be that pathetic and put some clean pjs on at least. The plan was to settle in for an 80s comfort movie marathon. She’d started with “The Goonies”, then “The Dark Crystal”. She had polished off all the chocolates, wrappers littering the bed, and was almost through “Labyrinth” and the wine when the phone lit up.

U up?

Ten o’clock and Dean was messaging. The alcohol buzz and trippy Henson atmosphere contributed to her out of body feeling. She watched her fingers tap the phone icon and dial his number. 

“Sorry about not calling you back earlier. Got a lead on my skip and had to jump on it.” His voice was super close, husky and low.

“Were you on a stakeout?” A throaty laugh in response to her question ignited a full body tingle. It started at the top of her head and worked its way down to the tips of her bare toes. She muted the television, sank into the pillows, and focused on the ceiling. And Dean’s voice.

“Not quite. I found out he was backtracking to visit his girlfriend. I beat him there, talked to her, explained his situation, and how bad it could really get if he kept running. She convinced him to turn himself in.” 

Julie’s tracking was fuzzy on the details. “Is he handcuffed in your backseat now? Or, your trunk?”

“No. Already dropped him off at the police station.” 

“Where?”

“Poconos.”

That was well over two hours from Pike Creek. “Long way for a fugitive.”

“Not really. Just another Sunday drive for me.”

It sounded too quiet on Dean’s end. “On your way back?”

“I was.” He sighed. “But then I decided to stop at a bar. Had a few too many. So, I’m crashing at a classy motel, stone’s throw away from said bar.” 

“Hm. I should be crashing soon, too.” Julie slurred.

Another long pause. “Have you been drinking?”

“Yep.” She popped the “p” out of her mouth with pursed lips.

“Huh. Sounds like you’ve been at it for a while.”

“The almost empty wine bottle would agree.”

He tisked. “Drunk. And I’m missing it.”

The back of her hand pressed against the warmth of her cheek. “You’re partaking in this event virt-,” the train of thought left the station without her. “Not missing it. Did you take the drinking party back to your room?”

“I did. Always keep a bottle of Jack in my trunk.” 

“We should toast, then, to drinking alone… but, not.” Julie sat up and took a swig, even if Dean wasn’t going to do the same.

She didn’t know how much time passed before he asked in an even, steady tone, “You wanted a hint, earlier, didn’t you?”

Silence.

“Julie?” His voice teased out her name, soft and slow.

She battled to focus. “Yes. A hint would be nice.”

“How about a confession?”

Electric currents pulsed under her skin. “A confession would be even better.”

“Okay. I should’ve told you this that first day. But... I’ve been watching you… spying on me… for a while.”

Her posture straightened, bolting upright from her reclined position, now stiff as a board. “I-I…”

“Don’t try to deny it.” Silence. “I noticed you one morning, a couple months back. I was in the kitchen, fixing some coffee. When I looked out the window, you were staring into my backyard, then over toward my house. I just chalked it up to you being a hot, nosy neighbor. And, honestly, I didn’t mind the view. Business casual looks very good on you.” 

A distinct sip filled her ear, followed by a smack of his lips. Those perfect lips. Julie chose to focus on the fact that he used the word “hot” and not “creepy”.

“But then, you did it again the next morning. You were wearing that dark blue sweater. I was jealous of that sweater, the way it hugs those curves of yours.”

In the effort to stifle a swoon, her mouth let out, “I’d trade places with that red plaid flannel of yours any day.” 

He cleared his throat after her admission. “Should I keep confessing?”

“Please. Go on.”

“I could tell you were looking for me, in particular, not just inspecting my property for things to complain about. Call it a hunter’s instinct. You’d seen me before, hadn’t you?” 

“Yes.”

He didn’t exactly chuckle that time. It was a short, almost sweet little laugh. “So... every morning when I was home, I’d wait for you to do your search. I’d batted around the idea of coming out one day to say hi…”

“Why didn’t you?”

“What was I going to say? Hi, I’m Dean. I’m a low-rate bounty hunter with a couple hundred dollars to my name, a shitty little house, and a drinking problem?” He sighed into her ear. “You saw something that interested you. But I do better sticking to the surface level, remember? I know how to work with what I’ve been given. Not much beyond that.”

She wanted to berate him for talking about himself that way. But all she could manage was to ask, “So, you have been playing hide and seek with me?”

He chuckled. “I guess.”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with all of that ridiculous behavior. I can usually keep my voyeuristic tendencies to a minimum.” Words tumbled out, sarcastic and apologetic.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable. My backyard view was made much nicer. And you gave me the opportunity to get to know you.”

Julie scoffed. “How could you get to know me that way?”

“This is where you’ll probably get irritated.”

She waited.

“I used my skills and resources to do a little digging on you.”

She laughed out loud. “Did you bounty hunt me?”

“Kinda.”

“Interesting. You’re lucky I’m drunk right now, because I find it highly amusing.” And pretty damn hot. She sipped. “What’d you find out?”

“Basic stuff. You’re an accounting manager at a bank in downtown Wilmington. No speeding tickets, pretty straight and narrow. You went to school at University of Delaware - nice GPA. Got married about ten years ago…” his voice trailed off.

“You found out all that stuff even before we met?”

“Yes. And I apologize. But I wanted to get to know my pretty Italian neighbor that liked me, too.”

Too. He could have just ended that sentence with “liked me.” “Those are just facts. You don’t get to know someone from a distance.”

“I’ve gotten to know some things. I know when you’re deep in concentration you bite the inside of your cheek. And, when you get frustrated, you scrunch up your nose. You do that a lot when you’re on a work call, heading into the house after a long day. I’ve even seen you skip, sometimes, when you come home on a Friday. Just a few feet or so, when you don’t think anyone’s looking. When you leave the house every morning, you test the handle of the sliding door twice to make sure it’s locked. Your hairstyle of choice is a ponytail. But, on the rare occasion when you let your hair down… well, I’m glad you wore it down last night. And, that I got the chance to touch a few strands. Soft as I imagined.”

He’s imagined that. She had no witty retort for his monologue. He’d knocked every ounce of air out of her lungs. Her entire body was hot and charged from his confession. He’d examined her, been allowed access to her quirks and habits in high definition, and this Adonis of a man sounded downright intrigued by all of it.  Holy shit. The stalkee has become the stalker. And, I’m finding the table turning extremely hot right now.

“Julie, I know you’re not perfect. But whatever asshat of a man let you slip away… I don’t think he had any idea what he had to begin with.” He cursed under his breath. “I shouldn’t be saying all this. Making more of a mess of things.”

“No, you’re not.” She swallowed. “How ‘bout that hint?”

“About what I was going to do if you opened the door earlier today?”

“Yes.”

“Give you back half of your cake and ask you out on a proper date. Whatever the hell that is.” It almost sounded like a low, throaty growl escaped his lips. “But that was earlier today. If I had come home tonight and knocked on your door… I don’t know if I could’ve behaved myself. I would have slammed back too many shots when I got home to work up the nerve. Plus, the adrenaline from the hunt has me riled up.”

God. That voice. She crossed her legs to restrict the pulsing in her core. “What does misbehaving look like?”

The silence stretched out to an excruciating span. “We goin’ there?” he asked.

“Yes.” Her head was spinning. She didn’t really know where “there” was.

“Loose lips...” He mumbled. A noisy gulp of liquid followed. The faraway slam of a glass came next. “Well... my misbehaving hands would end up all over that rosy skin. Every inch.”

She bit her lip and held her breath.

“God.” He groaned, his voice not as close now. “I’d like to say I’d be able to take my time. But it might have ended up hard and fast on the floor.”

An instinctive, quite loud gasp escaped from Julie. She slapped a hand over her traitorous mouth.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Dean fumbled over his words. “I shouldn’t have… first, I’m telling you I’ve been investigating you… then, I’m talking about ways I’d… it’s just... it’s been a while.”

Julie exhaled a breath. “I pushed you into sharing. When you say ‘a while’...”

“Since I moved to Delaware. Two years.”

The statement woke her from the orgasmic lullaby. “Bullshit. 

He laughed. “Not exactly something I’m proud to share.”

“What the hell are you saving yourself for?”

Without a beat missed, he responded, “You, apparently.”

He stunned her again.

“This has been… well, I don’t know what this has been… I’m going to let you go before the conversation crashes into the point of no return.”

“Dean…”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“I’ll expect the rest of my cake returned… as soon as you get back.” 

He laughed. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Part 7

Series Page

[winnipegpatty]

like what you’re doing to me | s.m series | three

a/n: this series is really so much fun to write. let me know what you think, and as always, consider supporting me over on ko-fi if you enjoy it :) <3

Tour was going amazing. Shawn was having a complete, total blast. Singing his third album was by far his favorite live experience he’d had so far. The fans were eating up the special falsettos he had in each song. They went hard every night to Lost in Japan, and the energy on his team was just unparalleled.

They were getting ready to round out the first month of tour, and Shawn honestly couldn’t believe that the European leg of tour had almost come to an end.

The team was traveling to England for their first Manchester concert tomorrow, and after England there was only Ireland left before Shawn and the team headed back to North America. Which Shawn was excited about because North American meant an entire week in LA was coming soon. The team was going to put the absolute perfecting touches on the single that was set to release in May. LA also meant he’d most likely see Karli, and despite there never having been anything romantic between the two of them, Shawn was fairly certain there were mutual feelings developing, despite distance.

Karli and Shawn had continued texting and even facetiming on a semi regular basis, as much as time zones and tour schedules had allowed. But Shawn would be a complete liar if he said he didn’t miss her at all.

Which was stupid because he’d only ever been with her a handful of times at this point.

Shawn actually hadn’t heard from her today, or for a couple of days now that he thinks about it. Which was odd, but Shawn didn’t have a whole lot of time to overthink this, as his plane was landing soon, and Andrew was already beginning to give instructions for arrival.

“Airport security says there’s about forty or so fans outside which,” Andrew scrunched his face, “Is honestly more than normal. Shawn,” he paused. “Rehearsals start in two hours. So, you have some time for selfies if you want, but just know it’s going to cut into anything else you wanted to do before rehearsals. Your decision as always.”

Shawn nodded.

“There’s three cars waiting. Band members in the middle car, team members in the third car, me and shawn in the first car.”

“Just us?” Shawn asked. That’s kind of off. There were usually at least four people in a single car.

“Yeah, and you want all of us in the same car?” Zubin asked, “That’s like...seven people plus the driver, dude.” With the extra three instrumentalists that were on tour with them, it did make for a decent sized  band.

“You’re just going to have to make do, guys. That’s how it is.” Andrew said sternly, leaving room for no questions.

Zubin grumbled a bit, leaning back in his chair.

“Listen, it’s like a twenty five minute drive.” Andrew answered, “You’ll survive.”

“Okay, anything else?” Shawn asked, trying to move the conversation forward.

“Yes. Band members are on the third floor of the hotel, team members and Shawn are all on the fourth floor. There weren’t enough rooms available for us to all be on the same floor.”

“That drags,” Eddie muttered.

“Hey, it’s fine guys,” Shawn said, addressing everyone. “It’s not about the rooms or the cars anyway. It’s about the concert and the music, and that’s going to be good, eh?”

“Yeah, but man it’s gonna be so much more inconvenient if we wanna meet up at the end,” Zubin said.

Andrew snapped his fingers, “Zubin, enough complaining. I’m over it. We haven’t even landed yet for heaven’s sake. Stop being a child. Shawn’s probably not going to have a whole lot of extra time in Manchester anyways.”

“Oh,” Shawn pursed his lips, looking around at his friends and eyeing Andrew. “I’m not? That’s news to me. We got some stuff planned or something?”

Andrew scratched at his neck, “Nah. Just, everyone please...wait like fifteen minutes and it will all make so much more sense.”

“Andrew, you’re just being really sketchy right now, is all.” Shawn said.

The band members all chorused a ‘yeah’ to back Shawn up.

Andrew grumbled, “God aren’t men supposed to be less dramatic?” He turned around in his seat, completely ignoring the band and Shawn’s concerns.

Shawn decided to ignore it, and instead pulled open his Twitter app, using his last few chaos free moments to tweet out a pre-concert message.

Outside of the airport, the air was brisk and freezing. There was a freezing slush on the ground that was absolutely disgusting, and something Shawn really didn’t miss about Canada. It was April, why was it still snowing and sleeting? Wasn’t it supposed to be getting warm again? LA was sounding better and better by the day. He was ready to see the sun again.

The fans outside were extremely polite and patient with him, which always made following his “Always take selfies” rule so much easier to follow. Frantic fans sometimes made him feel like he was being trapped in an increasingly small space. But here, even with the cold temperatures, he was able to really smile and offer sincere replies to all of the fans comments. These were the encounters he loved the most, more than the set up meet and greets or the staged question and answer sessions. He just loved meeting the people who supported him.

“I love you guys so much,” Shawn said as he finally came up for air, stepping away from the crowd. “Thank you so much,” he blew kisses at them for a few seconds before turning to duck into the specified car Andrew had set for him.

“That never gets old, Andrew,” Shawn said into the car as he slid into the seat, going for his favorite seat in the back driver’s side. But as Shawn finally raised his head to address the car fully, mostly looking for Andrew, he found that the two of them weren’t alone in the car as he’d made it seem they’d be.

“Oh,” Shawn said lightly as his eyes quickly caught sight of a redhead he didn’t recognize, before finally, at last, his eyes turned to his left where, sitting in the seat he’d been originally aiming for, a familiar bubbly blonde with a smile to kill.

“Hi,” Karli breathed lightly.

“What the hell, Andrew?” Shawn looked around finally finding Andrew sitting in the front passenger seat of the car, turning around to look at Shawn.

“Surprise.”

“You fucking dick,” Shawn laughed, but then turning to Karli, he smiled. “Hi, what are you doing here? And who is this?” He asked, gesturing to the red head.

“That’s my best friend Sophie, and we were in Manchester on a little vacation. And, when you started telling me last week how you were coming to England next, we thought we’d be in town for your show. And we were right,” She giggled a little, still seemingly breathless at the sight of Shawn. “And Andrew helped us set up the little surprise.”

“Oh my god,” Shawn breathed, leaning in for a somewhat awkward car hug with Karli. But he didn’t care, and by the way she nuzzled into his neck perfectly, she didn’t seem to care much either.

They pulled away before Shawn laughed at himself a bit, and turned towards Sophie. “I’m Shawn, by the way.”

___

“Rehearsals start in an hour,” Andrew reminded as Shawn, Karli and Sophie all headed towards Shawn’s room on the fourth floor.

Shawn hollered a response over his shoulder before he unlocked the door and welcomed the girls in, dragging his suitcase behind.

“So we won’t have a bunch of time today,” Shawn stated, as he threw his suitcase on the bed that he didn’t plan on sleeping on. “But tomorrow is a free day, and then the next day we have another Manchester show before we head to the O2 in London.”

Karli smiled, toeing up to Shawn until their feet were only inches apart. “We’re invited to the show tonight, right?” She swayed slightly.

“Oh my god, of course.” Shawn swore he’d never smiled this much in his life, but he was fucking giddy. Sue him.

They stared at each other for a second, and Shawn could feel his cheeks becoming that signature rosy red that he hated so much. It always gave him away, but there was nothing he could do about it. He giggled a little, push just a touch closer to her, “I’m still trying to comprehend that you’re even here.”

“I’m here.” She whispered, lightly touching his hand before she pulled away completely and turned to Sophie.

“Soph, we should probably get going if we’re going to make it the museum you were wanting to see today.”

Shawn’s smile dropped for a minute before he pulled himself back together.

“Yeah, I should be getting ready for rehearsals anyways.”

Karli nodded, smiling, “Text me the concert details?”

“Absolutely. Thanks for thinking of me while you were here,” He hugged her lightly, this time a fully proper hug. “I’ve missed you,” He whispered as he breathed in her scented perfume.

“Missed you too.”

___

__

“Manchester! How we feeling tonight!?” Shawn quickly pulled out his earpiece for a moment to hear the roar of the crowd.

He smiled wide, “Scream this one out at the top of your lungs!”

He began playing Lost in Japan, and waiting to see if the crowd would absolutely erupt for it.

Throughout the festival tour and now this tour, it was always apparent that every crowd went hard to different songs. Everyone related differently, but as a whole most cities were an In My Blood kind of a city or a Lost In Japan kind of city. Tonight, with Karli in the crowd, Shawn was definitely feeling more Lost In Japan. He was excited, happy, giddy, all the good emotions. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a crush like this, but he was reveling in the feeling of light butterflies roaming around his stomach, making him nervous for an entirely different reason than usual.

Manchester felt like the floor was shaking during Lost In Japan, and Shawn was exceedingly happy that they were feeling the same way he was. By the looks of things over in Karli and Sophie’s section of the floor, they were getting pretty drunk and had begun singing at the top of their lungs.

“Manchester,” Shawn breathed heavily as Lost in Japan came to an end, “You are sound so beautiful tonight.” He breathed a couple of times as he took a swig of water. “Today is a special night for me,” He pulled his electric guitar off his shoulder, handing it to a stagehand. His acoustic was handed to him, and he slung it over his shoulder. Beginning to strum out a soft riff. “One of my greatest, new friends is in the crowd,” Shawn looked towards Karli smiling, “I’m pretty happy about that. And if you’ve seen me in concert before, how many have seen me before?” He asked. The crowd responded with a low pulse of screams. “Beautiful, I’ve loved seeing you before Manchester. You guys are always amazing. I love you so much. But if you’ve seen me before then you know what I usually say before singing Don’t Be a Fool. But this is a new era, this is Shawn Mendes The Tour.” The crowd screamed, “Yeah,” Shawn moaned lightly, lightly laughing. “Yeah, so I’m really sorry, but we aren’t going to be singing Don’t Be a Fool, but, guys, and girls, in the crowd. If you brought a lovely person here on a date, or maybe it’s not even a date maybe you just got a sweet little crush. I relate, yeah” Shawn laughed again, “Yeah I relate to that. Well this song, is a really good time to make a move if you’ve been wondering when the time would come. This just might be it. This,” Shawn picked up his guitar riff, gaining some weight and speed, “Is When You’re Ready.”

A chorus of oh’s filled the arena and Shawn looked around, seeing a series of people pull in their significant others for soft kisses. Shawn felt his heart lifting to the heavens, he fucking loved this. All of performing, but this moment in particular was his favorite. Seeing people come together because of him. Seeing people fall in love, even if he’d never know their individual stories. It made his heart fucking soar.

“Maybe I had too many drinks, but that’s just what I needed. I hope that you don’t think what I’m saying sounds conceded.” Shawn sang the words from the back of his throat. There were a few people towards the front of the arena that were swaying, holding onto their friends shoulders. One couple on the fourth row was still kissing, which was a bit excessive if the girl standing next to them was anything to go off of.

“Baby tell me when you’re ready, I’m waiting.” Shawn’s gaze wandered over to Karli who was drunkenly swaying with Sophie, leaning heavily on each other for support. “Even ten years from now, if you haven’t found someone, I promise I’ll be around.”

Nearing the end of the song, Shawn transitioned into the bridge of Ruin, singing “Do I ever cross your mind,” over and over again like the mantra to his life. He’d always loved this bridge, he felt it’s message on a cellular DNA level. With him constantly hopping in and out of people’s lives he’d always wondered if people ever thought of him when he was gone.

In the crowd Karli was screaming with him “Do I ever cross your mind,” as her arms, one hand holding a cup of beer, swayed in sync with her hips.

“Manchester, I have a surprise for you. Is that okay?”

Shawn ran to the side stage, pulling out his blue electric guitar, and then running by each band member giving them the key change and telling them to follow his lead.

Shawn began playing an intro chord before he pulled out a few vocal runs singing the word ‘why’ a couple times before entering the verse, “Switching into airplane mode again. We're not alright but I'll pretend.”

It was about then that Karli realized what was happening. Shawn was singing her song from their first Youtube video. Karli was jumping up and down screaming at Sophie excited, and Shawn just smiled.

“Can you tell me why, my love? Can you tell me why I hold on to you and you hold on to me?”

___

__

Shawn: breakfast?

Karli: it’s almost noon, Shawn

Shawn: so….brunch? ;)

Karli: ofc <3

__

They met up at a cute cafe and took a table in the far back corner. It was quite, and Shawn was grateful. Karli ordered an omelette and a mocha while Shawn ordered a berry kombucha and two muffins.

Karli, to Shawn’s amusement, immediately took a picture of her coffee and posted it on her instagram story.

“Sorry,” she smiled shyly. “Being a Youtuber is weird because people like expect you to be an influencer on social media, even if all you do is sing songs.” She shrugged.

Shawn smiled, “I get it. People definitely want me using my social media more than I do, but I just get too pulled into that world if I let myself. So I tend to stay away for the most part. I find I live my life better if I do.”

Karli smiled, “So what’s it like to perform a concert like yesterday.”

Shawn leaned back in chair, “God, it’s the best.”

They talked about the concert for a few minutes before their food was brought to the table.

“So I’ll be back in LA for an entire week at the end of the month,” Shawn said casually as he took a bite of his pumpkin muffin.

Karli smiled, “Sweet, we’ll have to plan something.”

“Karli,” Shawn said softly, putting down his muffin and looking at her across the table. “I’ll be pretty busy early in the week finishing the new single.” His hand tapped on his leg nervously, convincing himself to say what he’d been telling himself to say. “But, I would really like to take you out to dinner before I leave again. If you’d let me,” he stammered towards the end.

Karli’s smile softened at the edges, “Shawn Mendes, are you asking me on a date?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.” Shawn’s cheeks were red and he ran a hand through his curls, tugging at the end. “If you, uh, want?” It came out as a question rather than a statement of confidence.

“I’d like that,” Karli nodded.

Shawn nodded, “Okay.”

“So, can I come to the show in LA too?” Karli smiled, returning to normal conversation, completely unbothered by Shawn’s embarrassment.

“Of course. You can come to every concert, Karli.”

tagging: @rosecth @fourtristattoos @peacedolantwins2 @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @my-sweet-escape-from-the-worl @yourwonderbelle @loveydoveyshawn @outlandishnerd @amandash113 @lostinroses @ilsolee

[just-another-fangirl-94]

Gorgeous

I've been MIA for a while with my writing and I apologize. I haven't had the time to really fulfill any requests. I hope this can hold some people over for a while. This is an AU Sugardaddy!Sebastian Stan x Female reader one shot I've been working on for a while. I hope you guys enjoy!!

Warnings: SMUT, Language

                                                   The First Meet    

  The sunlight was pouring into the window at the café you were sitting at, blinding you slightly. You held up your trembling hand to try to provide shade for your eyes. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Meeting a man on the internet, who claims to be a successful, rich, CEO, probably wasn’t the best decision you’ve ever made. What if he was actually a predator, seeking to take advantage of young, naive women.  However, you didn’t feel like you had much of a choice. You were about to be homeless if you didn’t come up with three months of rent. If you didn’t come up with three grand in two weeks, you’d be forced to move back in with your abusive father. You were able to escape him about a year ago, but it wasn’t an easy task. Especially after he took out several loans under your name and failed to pay them. Because of that, your credit was destroyed. While your father thought you were at an office job, you were actually working as an exotic dancer, earning enough money to flee him and start your new life. But your new life didn’t go as expected. You lost your waitressing job and went broke six months after you moved to the city. You had heard about a sugar daddy website and thought it might help your situation.

 After a few weeks of dodging weird men with strange fetishes, you received a very polite message from a man who refused to show his picture. But something about him pulled you in. He was charming, funny, witty, and well-mannered. After almost three weeks of texting and emails, you agreed to meet. Your nerves were starting to make you feel sick. Maybe you should just go before he arrived. This was a stupid idea anyway.

Just as you were about to grab your purse you look up to see a tall, handsome man with stunning blue eyes and dark hair.

“Y/N?” He asks.

There was no way that the universe was going to be this good to you. But then again, you felt like it did owe you for all the shit you’ve put up with over the past twenty nine years. “Y-yes that’s me.”

He smiled warmly at you as he sat down at your table. “It’s good to finally meet you. You’re even more stunning in person.”

You felt your face turn beat red as he complimented you. “Thank you.”

“Hey, you don’t have to be nervous. I already told you if you’re ever uncomfortable you can just say you want out.” He tries to reassure you.

“No!” You said a little too quickly. “I’m sorry. It’s just I wasn’t expecting to meet someone so…” You pause. “Attractive?” You mentally cursed yourself for saying that.

He laughs and shifts in his seat. “Well thank you gorgeous. I understand your concerns since I couldn’t share my picture. As I mentioned before, I’m well known in the area for doing business. It wouldn’t look good for me to have my face plastered on that website. Now why don’t we get to know each other a little better. I’ll order us some coffee. Sound good?”

You nod your head. “Sounds good.”

Three cups of coffee later, you felt so comforted by the man in front of you. You didn’t plan on it, but you poured your heart out to him. He kept pushing the subject. After you were done, you asked him why on earth he had to be on that website when he could have any woman he wanted on the street. His answer didn’t shock you too much. He wanted someone he could call after a long day at work for some mutual, consensual fun without any strings. And he would provide them with anything that they may need as a returned favor. He worked close to seventy-two hours a week and didn’t have time for a traditional relationship.

“I know that this is overwhelming Y/N. I can tell you’ve never done anything like this before. Just know that I promise to make you feel safe. Don’t be afraid to communicate with me, and if you want out at any time there will be no hard feelings. You don’t need to answer me now. I want you to think hard about this arrangement.” He says as he stands up and throws a fifty on the table. “Sleep on it tonight and text me whenever you’re ready. It was a pleasure meeting you Y/N.” He says before he turns and walks out of the café.

Your head was spinning. Everything about him was intoxicating. You couldn’t sleep at all that night. Your mind was on Sebastian the entire time. He was offering you so much the answer seemed simple. When morning rolled around, you picked up your phone and texted him two words. “I’m in.”

It didn’t take long for him to respond. “Let’s meet tomorrow at seven. I’ll send a car for you. Don’t worry about a thing. I’m going to take very good care of you.”

                                                     The First Time

His lips grazed your neck so gently, but it sent a jolt of electricity through your whole body. His hands smoothly ran down your dress, pulling the zipper down.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers in your ear as your dress falls to the floor. “Take those panties off for me and lay on the bed.”

Your heart was beating out of your chest as you did as he said. You sat on the bed and laid back, waiting for his next instruction.

“Now. Lift those knees up, and spread your legs for me.”

You had never felt this exposed and turned on at the same time. Your pussy was aching for attention as you laid there waiting for his next move. He kneeled on the bed and started kissing your breast, biting and sucking at your nipple.

“Oh god.” You moaned as he worked his hand on your other breast.

He continued torturing you slowly as he worked his way down the rest of your body. Finally, he licked your pussy in slow, soft circles.

“Sebastian!” You cried out.

“Mmm you’re so fucking sweet gorgeous.” He groaned before he started sucking and biting at your cunt more.

You rocked your hips against his face, the pleasure getting too much to handle. There was no way you were going to last. “Sebastian.” You whimper. “I- I’m gonna…AHH! Oh fuck!” You cried out as you came all over his face.

It didn’t slow him down any. He made sure he licked up every drop you gave him. Slowly he stood up from the bed, undressing himself. “You have no idea how sexy you look right now gorgeous.”

Your head was still spinning from the orgasm he gave you. No man had ever touched you so good before.

“Think you can give me another one gorgeous?”

You nod your head, unable to answer him properly.

“On your knees then.” He demanded.

You didn’t waste any time obeying his commands. The anticipation was killing you, but he didn’t make you wait long. You quivered as you felt his hands grip your waist roughly.

“You ready gorgeous?”

“Please.” You begged.

As the word left your mouth, you felt him push his tip into your core, slowly stretching you out.

“Ohhh fuck gorgeous, you feel like heaven.” He grunted as he thrusted into you at a steady pace.

“Sebastian! Oh god don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

“You want more Y/N?”

“Yes! Fuck give me more please.”

His grip got tighter and he thrusted into you harder. “Mmmm that’s it gorgeous you take my cock so well.”

You dug your nails into his sheets as he fucked you from behind. It was getting harder to keep your hips arched as you got closer to your orgasm.

“Go on baby, let go. Cum for me sweetness, I’ve got you.”

You cried out as your orgasm hit you. The shockwaves shook your entire body as your cunt squeezed his cock. This triggered his own orgasm. Quickly he pulled out and came all over your back letting out a growl.

As you came down from you high, Sebastian went to the bathroom, grabbed a warm towel, and wiped your back and your sensitive core gently. “You feeling alright gorgeous?”

“Perfect.” You answered honestly.

He pulled the blanket over your body and tucked you in. “Need anything? Water?”

You shook your head no as you closed your eyes.

“Sleep well gorgeous.” He said as he got up and retreated to his own bedroom.

When you woke up, there was an envelope on the table next to you with a note. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes before you started reading. ‘Good morning gorgeous, I hope you slept well. I had to leave for work and I didn’t want to wake you. Thank you for the most amazing time last night. There is breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen, I arranged a ride for you whenever you’re ready to go home. Take your time. I’ll call you later this week. In the meantime I hope this holds you over.’ When you were done reading the note, you opened the envelope. Inside there was a check for six grand.

“Holy fucking shit.” You said aloud as you held the check in your hand. Not only had he given you enough to cover your rent, you had three grand left over to pay other bills. This arrangement was possibly the best thing to ever happen to you.

                                                Complicated Feelings

                                                                                  You were entering the fourth month of your arrangement with Sebastian. The two of you met up roughly once or twice a week. He paid off your debt, paid your rent, took you on a few weekend getaways, and showered you with many expensive gifts. But it didn’t make you happy. It broke your heart every time he left you after sex. You desperately wanted more, but you knew you couldn’t have him.

Slowly you started making up excuses that you couldn’t meet up. But then you would cave in and fall into his bed again. It was starting to weigh heavy on your heart. And it didn’t go unnoticed by Sebastian. He noticed that you’ve been pulling away from him and he decided to confront you about it.

“Y/N I can tell you’re unhappy. Is there something I’m not giving you? Do you need more of an allowance? Please don’t be afraid to talk to me gorgeous. I want you to have everything you need.”

You burst into tears because he just didn’t understand. “No Sebastian. You already gave me too much. Way more than I ever deserve.” You sob.

“Now that’s not true beautiful. You deserve the world. I want you to know that.”

“I think we should stop our arrangement. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be what you want.”

“And what is it that I want that you can’t give me?”

“No strings attached.” You sniff. “I have fallen for you Sebastian. I can’t take any more money or gifts from you because I don’t want them. I can’t use you like this.”

He was clearly shocked by your confession. “Why would you fall for someone like me Y/N?”

“You’re so kind to me. No one has ever treated me as well as you do. I love when we can talk for hours about everything or nothing. You’re so hard working and dedicated. How could I not fall for you?”

He stayed silent as he took in your words. Your heart squeezed as you looked at him, tears not stopping for a second.

“I think I should go. I’m sorry for all of this. I hope you know I appreciate everything you have done for me.” You stand up, kiss his cheek, and head for the door.

You wandered around the city in the bitter cold aimlessly for hours. The cold was a good distraction from the pain you had in your heart. But after a while, you felt your body start to grow weary. If you didn’t get home soon, you would probably collapse in the middle of the street.

When you arrived at your apartment, Sebastian was at your door. He looked relieved when he saw you and rushed over to you. “Where have you been? I tried calling you a million times.”

“Oh I didn’t hear my phone go off.” You said as your teeth chattered.

“Jesus you’re going to get sick. Let’s get you inside.” He says as he grabs your keys and unlock the door. “Come on. Go take a hot shower and we’ll talk when you’re done okay?”

You were too cold to argue with him and did as he said. After sitting in the shower for fifteen minutes, you somehow found the strength to stand up and throw a towel over you. When you walked out of the bathroom, Sebastian had a cup of your favorite tea made.

“I was just about to come in to make sure you didn’t drown.” He teases.

“Sorry. It took me a while to warm up.” You say as you grab the cup. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk about what happened back at my place gorgeous.”

You blushed when your nickname slipped out of his mouth. It never failed to give you butterflies when he called you that. “I’m sorry I let this go on longer than I should have. I have felt like this for a while.” You sighed as you stared at the steaming tea in your hand.

He took the cup from you, placed it on the table, and took your hands into his. “Gorgeous I don’t want an apology. If anything, I should be sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be the man you deserve. I want you to know that I have fallen for you as well Y/N. These past four months have been the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

“Then why can’t we just be together?” You beg.

“I hardly see you as it is. Do you really want to be in a relationship like this? With a man who does nothing but work.”

“I love you Sebastian. I’ll take whatever time I can get if it means I can be yours. That’s more than enough for me.” Tears fell down your cheeks as you poured your heart out to him.

Gently, he wipes the fallen tears on your face. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“More than anything.”

He leans into give you a sweet, tender kiss. You happily return the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I love you gorgeous.”

“I love you too.”

                                                        The First Fight

“You’re not listening to me Sebastian!” You yell at your stubborn boyfriend.

He sighed as he poured himself a drink. “Y/N I am listening to you. I know you want to get a job, but I don’t understand why you are working somewhere that clearly makes you unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy.” You lie. You absolutely despised your job. “It’s just a little stressful right now that’s all. And it’s not like anywhere else will hire me.”

“You know you don’t have to settle for some job when I can take care of your bills.”

“Goddammit Sebastian I’m not your sugar baby anymore. I’m your girlfriend. When are you going to start treating me like it?” You cried as you grabbed your purse and made your way to the door.

“Hey! Y/N stop. Please don’t go let’s just talk.” He begs as he stands in front of the door. “Gorgeous please just help me understand what you want.”

You wipe away your tears and take a deep breath. “I know what I signed up for starting this relationship Sebastian. I get you need to work a lot and we don’t get too much time during the week together. I can’t just sit around and wait for you though. I need to make something of myself instead of just mooching off you. I know you’re well off, but I don’t want to feel like your sugar baby anymore. I want to earn my own things be able to pay for my own stuff too.”

“I didn’t know that’s how you felt.” He sighs. “You know I love you, right? I just want to give you the world, because I have nothing else to offer you.”

“I love you too, and that is not true. You give me so much Seb. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But I need to work. I need to do this for myself.”

“Okay.” He says. “I respect that. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“We need to make a compromise though.”

“What kind of compromise?” You ask confused.

“I won’t nag you about your work life, but I want you to promise me you’ll look for something that you’ll really love. I spent too much of my life doing something I hated until I started my company. I know the toll it takes. Promise me that gorgeous?”

“I think that is a fair compromise.” You smile.

                                                 Happily Ever After

The soft breeze coming from your balcony roused you from your slumber. Your eyes fluttered open as you saw the sunrise over the horizon on the private beach. You gazed over at your fiancé who was still sleeping peacefully. Smiling, you cuddle up to him, laying your head on his bare chest. It was overwhelming how happy you were at this moment. Sebastian had been cutting back his work hours the past few months, which gave you more time to spend with him. He took the opportunity to take you away more often, spending blissful days together in exotic and new places. You had quit your awful job to help a friend organize a charity that enabled families to receive medical equipment for children with special needs. Sebastian was right, you needed to find something you would be passionate about, and you loved every minute of it.

He started to stir and he felt you cuddle to him. “Mmmm morning Mrs.”

You giggle as he pushes you on your back and places kisses on your neck. “I’m not Mrs. Stan yet.”

“I’m just practicing gorgeous.” He smiles as he pushes your legs open. “How did you sleep my love?”

You moan as you run your hands though his hair while admiring the beautiful new ring he gave you the night before. “Well after four orgasms, I tend to sleep very well.”

“How about four more then?” He asks as he massages your clit leisurely.

“Oooh baby I don’t know if my body can handle it.” You moan as you throw your head back.

“You’ve handled far more before gorgeous.” He smirks as he slides a finger into your heat.

You whimper as your rock your hips. “Fuck. Right there Seb.”

“So beautiful.” He says as he pushes his finger against you at a steady pace.

“More! Please I need more.” You beg. “I need your cock in me Seb please.”

“Well since you asked so nicely.” He positions his erection to your opening and thrusts in slowly.

“That’s it baby fuck me.”

He grunts as he pushes into you faster. “Like that gorgeous? Does my cock feel good?”

“So fucking good.” You groan as your run your nails up and down his back, leaving marks on him.

He continues to rut against you at a desperate pace, both of you craving for that high. You fall first, your climax hitting you hard. Your body convulsed under him as you came undone. It didn’t take long for him to follow, spilling every drop inside of you.

He held you tight as the two of you came down. You felt your eyes get heavy again and start to drift off. Sebastian was right with you.

He kissed your cheek and settled next to you. “Get some rest gorgeous. I owe you three more orgasms.”

“Looking forward to it.” You smile as you drift off.

[katiebug445]

A Soldier’s Wish

Jearmin Week day 5 - Historical  Word Count: 2893 Rating: M to be safe. Mentions of war related injuries. 

He’d made it through Normandy and Utah beach on the first day. He’d managed to survive the second, third, and fourth days, and nearly six additional months on the front lines of battle. 

Jean couldn’t believe it. Nearly his entire platoon had been taken out, but somehow, he’d survived with only a shot in the ass. His injury had earned him a purple heart, which he promptly stuck in a comrade’s jacket pocket before they could take what remained of him away. Jean doubted he’d ever forget seeing him step on a mine and go sky high. The memory made him sick to his stomach. 

Connie had been discharged after being shot in the thigh - his time here was over, now, and Jean was happy for him. He’d be going home to his sweetheart: a girl named Sasha that he never shut up about. Marco was the same. He’d lost an arm thanks to a grenade, but he was still alive and going back home to a friend of his named Patrick. 

Thomas, Marlowe, Eld, Gelgar, Olou, and even Commander Smith hadn’t been so lucky. 

The only ones still on the front line from his platoon were himself, and two giant guys from the south - Reiner and Bertholdt. They were decent guys; Jean liked them well enough in boot camp, but Reiner had come through and saved his ass on a number of occasions after they landed. 

Replacements came in fresh from boot camps all around the country; young, wide-eyed rookies that they’d be replacing again within a month. Jean didn’t bother learning any of their names, or try to pay too much attention to their faces. Best not to get attached to them. That tactic worked well, until he saw one of the new recruits that he recognized. 

Jean had been on patrol with Bertholdt, shooting the shit and trying their hardest not to think about how any second, any wrong move, and they could be joining their friends in a coffin back home. Bertholdt had pointed at a small cluster of men, and Jean was immediately drawn to a smaller man with close-cropped blond hair, the same shade as--

The small man turned, feeling eyes on his back, and Jean’s mouth went dry. The hair, the build, the eyes, his nose. All of it was almost exactly how Jean remembered it: the way that silky blond hair felt under his fingers, the way those blue eyes shone in the moonlight when they would sneak off, how he would blush or giggle when he’d kiss his nose…

 It was him. It was Armin. 

He opened his mouth to speak, to say anything to him, but Bertholdt’s nudge to his arm called him back. 

“You okay, Jean?” He asked, looking down at him worriedly. 

“Fine.” Jean insisted, shooting one more quick look back at Armin, sitting around a small fire with some others. God, what was he doing here? “One of those guys reminded me of someone, is all.” Bertholdt just nodded and said no more. 

The next chance Jean had to speak to him was the following evening, huddled around another fire. Armin was getting ready to do patrol, and Jean jumped up to follow him. “I’ll go.” He said, volunteering himself. “It’ll be safer to have someone experienced along, right?” 

They set off in silence, not wanting to say too much while they were still in earshot, but Jean was burning with thousands of questions he wanted to ask. How had Armin ended up here? Why wasn’t he still in school? Where… Where was Eren? 

“Armin, how--” 

“I couldn’t stand being home anymore.” Armin interrupted, keeping his voice low. “It was maddening.” 

“I thought you were still in school? Why would you leave?” 

Armin inhaled, his grip on his gun tightening enough that Jean could hear the wood creak just a little, and his eyes became sad. “News comes in every day about how many men are dying. About how badly soldiers are needed here and in the Pacific. Almost everyone we know is gone. Either still here, or there fighting, or…” He paused, his eyes closing for a moment while he stopped the tears rising in his eyes, and took a breath. “There’s been so much death, and nobody knew if you were alive or dead. Your mom, she-- Every time the news reports would come in, she’d be at my place, holding my hand, terrified out of her mind. I was, too.” 

Jean stopped in his tracks for just a moment at the mention of his mother, his face screwed up in a homesick look. His mother. She’d written to him several times since he’d been shipped out, but he hadn’t written back. Mostly because he had no idea what to tell her. How could you explain to your mother the things you’d seen in a war, and expect her to sleep at night? They’d all been left unanswered, but he kept them all in his breast pocket, as close to his heart as he could keep them. 

“I couldn’t - I couldn’t take it anymore.” Armin continued, his voice thin. “Men came and took Mikasa and her family, Eren - Eren took off after them. And you were gone, and I missed you and--” 

“Armin,” Jean started, his heart twisting painfully in his chest. “I missed you, too. I- I wanted to write you back, I know you’ve written letters, it’s just… hard. There’s so much I want to tell you, but… if someone found out, if someone read them… I’d be discharged.” 

“I know.” Armin replied, finally looking up at him. “Why do you think mine are so short?” 

Jean allowed himself a tiny smile and looked around to make sure they were really by themselves before leaning in and brushing a strand of hair from Armin’s face, just like he used to when they were alone. 

Armin’s eyes slipped shut and he leaned into Jean’s touch, a smile of his own tugging at his lips. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” He asked. 

“You didn’t have to come all the way to France to tell me.” Jean retorted. “Believe me, the feeling’s mutual.” 

“You know I’m a romantic.” Armin joked, glancing up at him. “I wanted to come, Jean. I hated being stuck at home, just.. Waiting for that letter. Or waiting to hear that something happened to Eren. I couldn’t stand sitting there anymore. I wanted to feel useful.”

“You are useful. With that brain of yours, you belong somewhere behind a desk, planning out our next moves, not here. You belong anywhere but here.” 

Armin just shook his head, taking Jean’s hand before he could pull it away, and pressed a gentle kiss to the palm. “I’m here now. This is where they want me.” 

Jean said nothing in response to that, just nodded, and walked beside Armin while they finished their patrol. 

~

It came in the middle of the night. 

Jean was sitting at the fire with Reiner and Bertholdt, the rest of the men sleeping or on patrol, and talking about life back home. The two of them had the whole rest of their lives planned out, by the sounds of things: Reiner was going to go home and play basketball at Georgia State, and Bertholdt was planning on studying to be a vet. Bertholdt’s father had an apartment lined up and waiting for them, because, as they said, it would be easier to be roommates with someone who got it, rather than explain themselves to a stranger. 

Jean understood it, but he couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t another reason under all of that. 

“Maybe we’ll get a cat!” Reiner joked, slapping Bertholdt on the back. “Go ahead and do all the domestic shit while we’re at it!” 

“You say that, but by the time we get home, my uncle’s barn cats will be having kittens.” Bertholdt retorted, giving Reiner a little smile. “I might end up sneaking one home.” 

“And you’ll be taking care of it, too.” Reiner chuckled, returning the look with a smirk. 

Bertholdt just rolled his eyes and smiled a little bigger, drifting off into his own thoughts of his future with Reiner. 

“Well, you two seem to have a long discussion ahead of you.” Jean replied, getting to his feet. “I’m gonna try getting some sleep. See ya.” 

After a quick goodnight, Jean headed off to his foxhole and climbed in, leaning his head back against the dirt and closing his eyes. 

And then a tree exploded three feet away from him. Jean jumped nearly all the way out of his hole, his eyes wide and his breath caught in his throat, wondering what in the hell just happened. A shell whizzed right by his head a second later, hitting a - thankfully empty - foxhole to his left, and the ground exploded and shook around him. “HIT THE DECK!” He screamed, watching the other men scramble for cover. 

Reiner hurried and got himself into a foxhole, while Bertholdt gathered up their guns and a few other things he didn’t want destroyed. Others scrambled for cover as shells went off all around them, hitting the trees and ground around them. 

Jean’s eyes darted around at all of the faces coming towards him as they ducked into their holes, looking for one in particular. His heart hammered in his ribs when he didn’t see him, wondering if he was out on patrol, or if he’d been hit, or--

Armin was scrambling. He went for a foxhole close to him, but a shell exploded inside of it, blood and dirt flying up and hitting him in the face. He fell to the ground, and Jean could hear another scream from a shell as it came closer. “ARMIN!” he screamed, pulling himself up out of the ground to grab him. “HERE!” 

The blond looked up, and shakily got to his feet, running with every bit of strength he had left. Jean could have cried when he safely dropped into the hole next to him, for just a moment not caring who could see them. He threw his arms around Armin, squeezing him tight and silently letting the tears fall. “Don’t scare me like that, you hear?!” He exclaimed, looking at him with wide eyes. “The hell’s your problem, giving me a heart attack?” 

“Sorry.” Armin replied, every bit as breathless. 

Jean went to say more, when he heard Reiner screaming. He popped his head back up, seeing the large man half out of his foxhole, his hand reaching for Bertholdt. “BERT, COME ON!” He screamed, terror in his eyes as the other man ran for him. 

A shell went off nearby to where Bertholdt had been standing, and Jean could feel his heart stop. No, no, not Bertholdt, he’d just been talking to him ten minutes ago! He couldn’t be, gone could he? Not that fast.

As the dust began to settle, they could make out the form of the large man face down in the dirt. Jean felt his heart stop as he watched, praying to any god or angel that was listening for him to move, or say something. Just give any sign that he was still alive. 

Reiner was frozen, still half out of his hole, his arm outstretched for someone that wouldn’t come. His eyes were wide, his mouth open, and his chest heaving for air. For a moment, Jean expected him to fall over dead himself, but Reiner stood, his hand beginning to shake. “Bert?” He called softly, his eyes on the man on the ground. “Bert, hurry.” 

Finally, Jean got a good look at the state Bertholdt was left in. Blood pooled around his legs, bits of boot and uniform scattered around his legs. Even if he was alive, he wouldn’t be for long, like that. 

Armin began to poke his head up, but Jean forced him down, having to look away himself for a minute. “Don’t-” he choked, closing his eyes. “Don’t look.” Another shell whizzed by overhead, and more screams were heard as they landed on someone else. Jean hunkered down farther in his hole, feeling his lungs begin screaming for air. He couldn’t see, his hands were shaking, his throat was closing up. He glanced up blurrily at Armin, desperate for something - anything - to distract himself with. 

Armin crouched down next to Jean, sliding his hand around his shoulders, and squeezed him as tightly as he could. “We’re gonna get through this.” He promised, breathless. “We’re not gonna be hit.” 

“HELP!” 

That was Reiner. There was no denying the accent. Jean looked up, and the big man had finally moved, crawling his way towards Bertholdt, his eyes half crazed. Jean’s heart slammed in his chest once again, knowing that this wouldn’t end well for either of them. He could hear Reiner mumbling to himself as he made his way to his fallen friend, and Jean’s stomach rolled. 

He couldn’t blame Reiner for it. If it were Armin, he would do the same thing. 

And he’d want help. 

“Fuck!” Jean exclaimed, turning away from them for a moment. He focused instead on Armin, fear bright in his hazel eyes. “I’ve gotta help him.” He said breathily, his head screaming at him to stay put. This went against everything he’d learned. “I can’t - I can’t leave him there.” He met Armin’s eyes, hoping they would convey what he was unable to say on the battlefield, and, quickly, brought his hand to his lips and kissed it - the most he could do right now - before scurrying out of the hole and running over to his friends. 

“REINER!” He screamed, using what bit of strength he had left to help the big man to his feet, and they hurried their way over to Bertholdt. 

Weak moans were falling from his mouth, and what bit of muscle and skin was left of his legs was twitching almost painfully. Jean’s stomach rolled again, and he had to close his eyes, trying to ignore the panic in Reiner’s voice as he tried to talk to Bertholdt, to get him to say anything. 

“I have to get up.” Bertholdt said eventually. 

“Not right now you’re not.” Jean grunted, helping Reiner carry him over to his foxhole. Both men barely fit in it, and Reiner was slowly covered in his friend’s blood. Jean handed him his first aid kit, praying that he wouldn’t need it before the night was over, and wished Reiner luck in helping keep Bertholdt alive until the medics were safe to come in. 

A shell whizzed overhead, and Jean felt panic seize hold of him once again. He sprinted as fast as he could back to his own hole, diving back inside just as the ground where he’d been standing not ten seconds before went up, causing the ground to shake once again. “Shit.” Jean breathed, feeling sick.

Panic was beginning to take him again as he realized just how close to death he’d come, and sunk down into his hole again, Armin at his side. “Y-You know, if I - I knew you wanted to come to France so bad… W-We should have come before this.” 

Armin just squeezed him tighter, his own heart beating like a jackhammer in his chest, and scooted over until he was flush against Jean. “Maybe we’ll come back someday. You and me. When things are better. We’ll get a house on the coast, and I’ll write books and you…” 

“I’ll get a job on a farm or something.” 

“That’ll work.” Armin breathed, a small laugh falling from his lips. “You’ll work on a farm, I’ll write, and we’ll be happy here. We’ll bring your mom with us.” 

“We’ll bring Mom.” Jean repeated, slipping his own arm around Armin. “Maybe get a dog.” 

“If that’s what you want, of course.” Armin said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Jean’s cheek. “But we have to get through today. Just through today, and we’ll be one day closer to living in France. Maybe we’ll even go to Paris someday and spend a few weeks.” 

Jean, despite himself, was beginning to feel a little calmer, imagining life with Armin, away from all of this, in a little house with his mother, happy to just enjoy their lives in peace. It sounded too good to be true, in the heat of all of this, when he could still hear Bertholdt’s cries and Reiner’s shouts for a medic. 

He didn’t want that to be them. He couldn’t handle it if it was. He slipped his own arm around Armin’s slender waist, and held onto him as tight as he could. “I love you.” He mumbled quietly, his hands shaking. “I love you so much.” 

Armin froze beside him, his body tensing up under Jean’s hand, and turned to him with tears in his eyes. “Me too.” He replied, nervous. “I always have.” He leaned in, tilting Jean’s head just a little, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you more than anything in the world.” He breathed, kissing him again. 

Shells continued to whiz by, striking trees and the ground farther away from them all, and through the whole assault, Jean held tightly to Armin, and the blond held back, praying that they’d made it through to the end of it. 

A/N: WOOF. that was a long one! thanks to everyone who stuck around to the end. Just to give some reassurance: Bertholdt, Reiner, Jean and Armin all make it out alive and happily go about their lives after the war, just as they all talked about <3 please read Capture

[karaxreds]

Someone You Loved - Anyone you'd like

Based on someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi because I've been obsessed with him lately, he deserves the world. Hope you'll enjoy it xoxo

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy.

You felt it again, your heart beat fastening as you jumped up from the couch, you hands shaking as well everything around you becoming so blurry.

Another panic attack.

You've been having a lot of those, it was no secret that you were an anxious person.  You suffered from anxiety ever since you were a kid, it only kicks in when you're too stressed or just not feeling well.  And in this case when you're heart broken.

You started breathing heavily trying to calm yourself, clawing at your throat as you searched for air.

It took a minute or two for you to finally come back to reality, finally standing up again only to break down once more into loud sobs.

I need somebody to heal

Somebody to know

Somebody to have

Somebody to hold

The first month was the worst, you were devasted. Your friends tried to persuade you that if you go out and try to meet new people it would help you moving on.

But it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

But you never listened to them, you barely left your house. You just leave in the mornings for work and then come back in the afternoons, never leaving it for any other purposes. You pushed all of your friends away.

You knew that they were doing it for your own good but you just couldn't, you missed him too much. You were too attached to him, it wasn't easy for you to just let him go yet even tho he did let you go, long ago...

And the day bleeds

Into nightfall

And you're not here

To get me through it all

You turned around in the bed once more, sighing loudly you just gave up. It was impossible for you to fall asleep so easily, everything in the room reminded you of him. He left a part of him everywhere, your room, your bed, even your newly washed clothes still smelled like him.

You checked your phone and there was still no call or messages, like you didn't exist anymore, he completely forgot about you.

And once again you break down in tears, falling asleep on your wet pillow.

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

You never thought it would end, you've been happy for the last couple of years. People always told you that you two were made to be together, that you were perfect.

But it was in fact, not.

He decided that he was in a very decisive phase in his life, in his career, that he didn't have time for anything else, that you he needed to only focus on his career.

He just broke up with you out of the blue.

It broke your heart, it completely destroyed you. Spending two years with a man, you thought would be the one you'll get to spend the rest of your life with.

The first weeks were the worst, you were missing him, his scent, his touch, his face, messy clothes he used to leave in your flat.

You felt so alone,like there was no one to pick you up. You had your friends, but none of them felt what you did  how awfully painful it was, that constant pain in your chest.

It felt like you didn't enjoy life anymore, everything reminded you of him.

It was untill exactly three months later that you started to get rid of the pictures, the clothes and everything that belonged to him. He never called or texted, you only got to see him on tv when he was playing on matchdays.

Fourth month, you weren't there yet psychologically, but you tried to go out of the house more. Instead of coming back home straight away after work, you would go drink some coffee with friends and sometimes would go out at night on the weekends.

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes

I fall into your arms

I'll be safe in your sound till I come back around

Half a year later, you were finally starting to feel less depressed and even tried seeing new people but it just wasn't the same. They weren't him.

You were so into that relationship that you didn't know you lost yourself in the process, and it was too late when you realized it.

Eight months later and you were finally back to your old self, you seemed to enjoy life a bit more. You were going out more, with your co-workers, with your friends on nights out.

Started dating again, went a few dates. Some were great and some were awful but you couldn't be more grateful for your friends, they were with you through the whole phase and you were finally feeling like yourself again, without him you were just fine.

It was until a year later that you saw him again, he saw you at the birthday party of a mutual friend.

You were a complete different person, your hair was shorter, you looked happier than ever, you were enjoying everyday as if it was your last.

He froze when he saw you that night, on that beautiful little tight black dress, dancing along to the beat of the music with some guy on the dancefloor.

He eyed you for a few more minutes, his heart aching as he saw the guy's hands on your hips. He knew that he had no right to feel like that, he broke up with you.

He immediately followed you into the kitchen once you left the dancefloor, not before whispering a few words into the ear of the blonde guy you were dancing with.

You turned around when you heard someone call your name, and you froze.

It was him.

The guy who broke your heart over a year ago, the guy who made you feel like a you weren't enough to fight for.

"Hey you." You smiled genuinely.

"Long time no see." He said, returning the smile.

"Yeah, it's been a while." You nodded your head, looking down at your beer.

"You look good." He remarked, "Even more gorgeous than before."

"Thank you." You laughed slightly, "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Listen...I know we didn't part on good terms, I take the blame. I am so sorry for what happened." He spoke, his heart beating faster with every word.

"It was a long time ago, I am over it now." You shrugged, the smile never leaving tour lips. "I went through some pretty bad shit but I am good now, and I don't blame you anymore."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asked, unsure of what you really meant.

"I already did." You nodded, "a long time ago."

"Maybe we could go out some time then? Maybe for a drink or let me take you out for a dinner?" He nervously proposed, his eyes not looking away from your own.

"I...Um, I don't think that's a good idea." You admitted, "Getting over you, moving on from what we had was probably the hardest thing I had to go through in my life."

Your words broke his heart, it made him feel guilty, bad, just awful and he couldn't help but have flashbacks if that horrible night when he broke up with you.

"I am sorry." He said, it was the first time he apologised. "I never wanted to break your heart."

"But you did." You nodded, "But if you didn't break my heart, then I wouldn't be the person I am today."

You give him a friendly tap on the shoulder, and he couldn't help but feel bad.

"So there's no chance for us?" He asks quietly, you could barely hear him over the loud music.

"There is no us anymore." You shook your head, giving him a small smile. "At least not romantically.

"I...Um, maybe we can be friends, then see what happens?" He tried again.

"It took me months to heal, you broke both my heart and my soul. I am sorry but I am not handing you my heart once again, you broke it once and I don't think I can ever love you like that again." You told him, clearly make in an end to this conversation.

Even with the loud music, he could've sworn that he heard the sound of his heart breaking.

"They're bringing the cake, You coming?" You asked, walking toward the door, throwing the now empty bottle of beer in the bin.

You walked out of the kitchen not really bothered if he was following you or not, you sighed in relief then put a hand on your chest proudly, because now you were indeed completely healed.

But he wasn't.

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.

[kafkasgods]

neely self para

Walking up the steps to her apartment, Neely couldn’t help the almost permanent twist in her stomach. Sure, it was nice to know that Carter was going to clean their apartment and the mess wasn’t going to be around for long, and yes, she and Jamie were getting a margarita shaker, but it hadn’t all been a breeze. The text from Shadi threw her off. There’d been no further plan to keep seeing her after their drunken hookup, but it hurt somehow when Shadi had to check on her to make sure Neely hadn’t gotten the wrong idea. It was clear Shadi regretted it, despite saying so. Sleeping with Neely had been a mistake and it was likely Shadi hated her. If not before, then now.

It wasn’t even something Neely could dwell on long because when she went to make her purchases, her cards declined and she had to pay cash. She’d been short some, but the old man behind her had gotten impatient and paid the rest before ushering her off. Despite what people might have thought, Neely did get embarrassed and that was mortifying.

The entire way home she contemplated a third job. Maybe Jamie’s place could use an extra set of hands? She’d have to remember it for later though because Jamie wasn’t home. He could’ve been next door, but that wasn’t a route Neely felt like taking now. Instead, she placed the bags down and just before she could put the ice cream in the freezer, her phone rang: Quinten Grant is requesting to facetime.

Neely hesitated for a moment before answering and setting the phone down so her dad could see her while she simultaneously put groceries away. [10:17 AM] “Hey Dad!” Neely feigned a bright smile, giving a wave. “What’s up?”

“‘What’s up?’” Quinten repeated with disbelief, his mouth zoomed into the camera as he figured out a good position for him. “What’s up with you? I haven’t heard from you for months. How’s it going? What are you doing?”

“Keeping it real, sir,” Neely replied. “I just got home from the store.”

“Is that your place? It looks like a mess, do you ever clean? I can see the counters, Neely.”

Raising her arms, defensively, she halted in front of her phone. “I just had a Halloween party. We’re still working on cleaning up. Don’t worry about it. Did you call for something?” She was starting to feel the uncomfortable itch when she talked to Quinten for too long.

“Oh, so  you can throw a party, but you can’t visit me? Pia and Dot don’t even remember who you are.” Before Neely could offer her regrets about Quinten’s younger daughters, he gave a heavy sigh and kept talking. “I know, I know, I didn’t call to nag. Anyways, your mom’s been yakking about me to our mutual friends and I tried talking to her, but you know she doesn’t listen to sense. Could you talk to her for me?”

“I’m not going to do that,” Neely crossed her arms, looking just as annoyed as she felt. “She’s never listened to me about it before and I don’t know why you’re trying to drag me into your problems.” [10:18 AM] “You know what, Neely, you used to be a good kid,” He emphasize, shaking his head as it was a great tragedy lost, “But your mother never disciplined you and you’ve just been running around doing one stupid thing to another. If I’d raised you, you wouldn’t be talking back so much and you wouldn’t be working some crappy, what is it? Waitress job? A bar? Whatever. You wouldn’t be wasting your life like you are. I don’t know what your mom was thinking when she let you move to some rundown town by yourself. It’s been almost a decade and you haven’t grown up at all. You know — ”

It was one thing to let Quinten talk at her, but Neely wasn’t going to stand around and listen to his crap. Raising her own voice, she yelled over him. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about! You don’t know me! I haven’t seen you in like two years! Maybe my mom wouldn’t have had to raise me shitty if you didn’t stick your dick in some lady you met online!”

“Neely, that’s enough. Don’t raise your voice at me.” Quinten spoke sternly, his glasses lowering as he gave an imposing look. “You are so immature, Neely. You’re the one who doesn’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Okay? Calm down. Your mom’s not the only reason I called. I talked it over with Heidi and we know you can’t afford to live on your own, so we were thinking you could move in with us. You don’t have to pay rent if you go to school. We can work on, you know, straightening you out.”

There was no certain way Neely could pinpoint how she felt about the offer. Heidi and her kids were sweet from the little Neely had interacted with them, so that wasn’t the problem. Obviously, it was impossible, but even the suggestion somehow seemed ludacris and had thrown Neely for a loop. Quinten had, at best, been an acquaintance throughout her life. Was he trying to make up for it now?

As she thought over trying to respond, her arms stretched out to hold herself against the counter, he spoke again. “Listen, it’d be good for you. You go back to school, we can help you find a decent job, find a nice boy for you. You can hang out at home with your sisters. You know, help out with them a little. Heidi’s pregnant again, so we can’t put too much strain on her.”

Slipping in that tidbit of news had made Quinten’s ulterior motives perfectly clear. “Fuck no.” They wanted a live-in babysitter. “Don’t ever call me again, Quinten.” It wasn’t the first time Neely had said those words, but this time, as soon as she said them, the microwave’s circuits shorted out, making frantic beeping sounds followed by a dark smoke.

“Christ, Neely. You’re gonna live in a rundown apartment and do absolutely nothing with your life.” How badly she wanted to tell him that she’d done that to the microwave. That she could make the biggest storm New York’s ever seen. But she couldn’t. Instead, Neely gritted her teeth and ended the call.

Turning her gaze out the window, the wind was picking up. Trash and leaves flew right past. In. Out. Yael had told her to reign it in. She couldn’t have a tantrum. It took a few minutes and even though Neely was crying, the wind relaxed. The only thing she could do was call her mom because Estelle was the only one who would understand how shitty it was and how it felt.

Estelle answered on the fourth ring, still in her scrubs from work. “Mom?”

Estelle’s brows furrowed as she gave Neely her attention for a brief moment as she looked to head into somewhere more private than the physical therapy room at the hospital. “Are you crying? What’s going on?”

“Quinten just facetimed to tell me some bullshit about you talking to your friends about him and he was trying to get me to live with him so I could babysit his kids because Heidi’s pregnant and he was just such a fucking dick about it,” Neely spoke it all in one breathe, hiccupping at the end of it.

“Are you joking?” Estelle scoffed in disbelief. “How many kids could he have if he couldn’t even afford to pay for child support? That’s so stupid. I can’t believe he’s trying to use my daughter to take care of that woman’s kids.”

“Yeah! He was trying to like, say,” Neely looked up, trying to blink away the tears and wiping them from her face. “That like, he was going to support me and all this crap. That you didn’t do a good job. He wanted to make me go to school, get a better job, and to find a nice guy? Does he not like, remember that I’m gay?”

The laugh that came from Neely’s phone was piercing and sarcastic. “That man doesn’t acknowledge anything that isn’t his norm. Did he really say I’m not a good mom? He doesn’t know shit about anything I had to do to raise you. He wasn’t there! I did it on my own. I didn’t even have my dad’s help. I had to raise you in a god damn hurricane every day.”

“Right! He pisses me off so much.” Neely wiped her nose as she supported her mom. “You should come back and live with me, he would absolutely hate that. Besides, he is right. It’s not like your doing much over there. Don’t you feel weird about it, Neely? All those other people are real demigods, I don’t understand why you insist on surrounding yourself somewhere you don’t belong.”

That was an topic Neely could never properly answer her mom, but this time she could. Suddenly upbeat, Neely shook her head. “No, no. I do, I do belong! With the war going on, I sided with Ares, so Zeus gave me all the abilities of a demigod. I’m a like a demigod, now! I’m like you!”

There was no way Neely could describe the disappointment on Estelle’s face. Estelle sucked in a breath before releasing the long, exasperated sigh. “Neely, why would you do something like that? You know I didn’t want you mixed in with the war or my dad or any of the demigod stuff in the first place and now you’re telling me this?” Estelle raised a hand, emphasizing with her gestures as she pulled the phone closer to her face. “You’re gonna get yourself killed, Neely. You’ve never trained, you don’t know how to use any power. You’re just going to get in the way of people who actually know what they’re doing, okay? Is there any way Zeus will take the powers back? Gods, I’ve tried never speaking to my dad and now you’re making me do this for you.” “Don’t!” Neely yelled into the phone, feeling a surge of panic. Her mom’s own choice to distance herself from her divine heritage wasn’t going to be Neely’s mistake. “I can handle my powers fine and I’m not going to get in the way and I’m going to be a great demigod! So just! Stay out of it!”

Hanging up quickly, the tears started back up again and Neely’s heartbeat was racing. The thumping was the only thing she could hear. She was deaf to the static of the apartment, the fierce wind, and sudden harsh onslaught of rain. The lights flickered on and off before finally shutting completely, bringing some sense of awareness to Neely. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck.” Jamie was going to kill her.

Leaving everything behind — scattered groceries and dishelved apartment, Neely grabbed her phone, making way for the fire escape. If she wasn’t home and no one saw her, she didn’t do it. Jamie was going to be pissed.

Out in the ran as she clambered down the rusted metal, Neely ignored the rain pouring over her and tried running ideas through her mind. Talking about her feelings was the last thing she wanted to do. There was no way she’d try to find Rune when he already probably thought she was fucking annoying and bugged him too much even when she wasn’t covered in tears. Seamus was off limits too considering he might’ve tried to psychoanalyze her to the best of his abilities and she’s just be a guinea pig to his half-hearted consoling. He meant well, but Neely just couldn’t deal with it. There was no one else, but people she’d slept with. Did Neely have any friends she hadn’t fucked? Shadi, Carter, Jamie. Yael? It was useless.

Thunder cracked overhead. Neely had never belonged no matter how badly she tried to. She didn’t know who to go to. She didn’t know where to go. She never did.

[midtownhighs]

unrequited pt. 2

pairing: peter parker x reader

words: 2135

part one

a/n: here is the highly requested second part of unrequited! i hope you guys enjoy it (and let me know if you want part 3!) also, don’t be shy with requests or suggestions! i love doing them.

-

You couldn’t help but feel as though things had changed between you and Peter since he had asked your opinion on taking Liz Allan to homecoming.

Lunch was mostly silent, the only words exchanged being the progress of your chemistry homework and the quality of today's meatloaf. It was torture for you, as you had spent almost every single day of your life for the past 5 years talking to Peter about whatever your minds could muster.

It felt as though you had let your feelings for him get the best of your friendship.

Half of you wondered if he knew. The tension between you was mutual, the lack of conversation a result of the both of you being reserved. Did he know, and did it make him uncomfortable?

The possibility of Peter knowing about your feelings nauseated you, so you quickly pushed the thoughts out of your head as you two began your lab in chemistry, building a micro mole rocket and testing out which ratios of hydrogen and oxygen work best in launching it.

One thing about you and Peter was that you both loved science, and easily got really into it. While working on your experiment, any tension between you two washed away. You found yourself lost in the project, not even remembering why you were upset before once you successfully launched your mini rocket.

“Wow,” your teacher said while examining the distance your rocket flew. “Seems like you generated the most precise optimum ratio of hydrogen and oxygen. Nice work.”

He scribbled a few things down on a rubric before handing it to you. 100%. Peter looked at you, his smirk immediately mirroring yours. “Nice work, Ms. Y/L/N,” he laughed.

“You as well, Mr. Parker.“

You both took your seats and began packing up your stuff. You looked at Peter, and felt an immense obligation to break the silence. "Come over tonight,” you blurted.

He looked at you like a dear in headlights, your sudden command startling him.

“To watch a movie. After the internship, if you have it,” you said, finishing your proposal. “I.. I miss you.”

Peter’s expression softened, and he smiled almost immediately. “Sure. Force Awakens kind of night or Deathly Hallows kind of night?”

You laughed at Peter’s question. “That was the nerdiest thing you’ve ever said.”

“But you love it,” he replied.

I do, you thought to yourself.

“I think it’s a Breakfast Club kind of night,” you finally responded with a smile.

“Now that you say it.. I agree completely,” he said, smiling back at you.

The light and easy conversation between you and Peter allowed an enormous weight lift off your shoulder. You knew that no matter what happened between you, silly crush and all, you’d always be best friends.

If only it were just  a silly crush.

“8 o'clock. Be there or be square,” you warned, pointing a finger his way. Soon after, the bell rang and Peter bolted out the door before you could even process that it was dismissal time. ‘

-

7:45. Peter was always early to everything. You half expected him to be here already, but you said 8, so you couldn’t really be mad at him.

8:00. He should be here.. why isn’t he here? Weird.

8:30. “Peter, where the hell are you? You’re never late, I’m starting to worry,” you spoke into your phone, pacing around the living room. You had gotten his voicemail for the third time, and decided to actually leave him a message. “Please call me.”

9:00. “Peter, I’m getting mad. Who the hell do you think you are? You better have a damn good excuse for not ONLY standing me up but then proceeding to not answer your phone,” you spat. You weren’t sure if your words were too harsh, so you added a quick love you at the end before hanging up.

9:30. You weren’t sure whether to be worried or mad at this point. It was just so unlike for him to do something like this.. he was never late for plans, never mind completely absent.

You picked up your phone again and dialed Peter’s number for what felt like the millionth time. You were ready to hang up on the fourth ring, when you heard an exasperated Peter. “Y/N?”

“Peter..” you whispered. “Peter, are you okay? Are you in trouble?”

“Yes, I’m okay. No, I’m not in trouble.”

Knowing that he was okay allowed for you to fill with rage. “What the hell Peter?”

“I know,” he sighed on the other end. “I’m on my way. It’s a really.. really long story.”

“Don’t,” you managed, your voice wavering. “I’ve been sitting here for an hour and a half, I’m done waiting for you. I’m going to bed.”

“Hold on,” he said. “Please, just hear me out.”

You hung up the phone and plopped down on your couch, unsure what to do. You felt a lump in your throat and a sting in your eyes, but tried desperately not to let yourself cry. You didn’t want Peter to be the cause of your tears.

It was so unlike him to do something like that, to just blow you off without any warning. If Peter knew he wasn’t going to be able to make it, then he would have at least texted you and told you something came up.

You turned your phone off, as you were sick of seeing Peter’s missed calls and messages. You knew that you would feel tempted to answer him, but also knew that he deserved the silent treatment.

You were ready to get in bed when you heard a knock on your window. Your first instinct was to grab the bat that you had on the side of your bed. It was New York, and anything could happen. You had to be prepared.

You picked up your phone and began to dial the cops, when the mystery person outside your window spoke. “Y/N, it’s Peter!” He yelled, knocking again. “Open up. I have to talk to you.”

You groaned and dropped your bat, walking over to your window and opening the curtains. There stood Peter on your fire escape in red and blue spandex. His hair was disheveled, and quite frankly, he looked rough.

“Go away,” you spat, closing the curtains. You heard him groan on the other end of the window.

“Y/N, please..” he begged.

“Peter, I said-”

“I’m Spider-Man.”

You paused, unsure what to do next. Peter? Spider-man?

You remembered first hearing about the blue and red crime stopper from YouTube videos that Ned had showed you. He even appeared on the news a couple times, being titled as the superhero of Queens. There was even rumors that he was an Avenger, and helped Iron Man in attempting to police Captain America.

You walked over to your window, opened the curtains, then lifted the window. You stared Peter up and down, getting a better look at the suit he was wearing. In his hand was a mask. Your eyes finally made its way to his face, and he silently stared back at you with a desperate expression.

“I didn’t want you to find out like this,” he finally said.

“How long..” you began, not knowing where to start.

“A little over 6 months,” he replied. “Can I please come inside?”

You back away from the window and began pacing in your room. “I.. I don’t believe this.. there’s no way..”

You turned around to face Peter who looked at you with an amused expression.

“If this is some sick excuse..” you started.

“No, no no no..” he said immediately. “God, why would I lie about this?”

You stared at him, unsure what to say. You couldn’t imagine Peter being a superhero, let alone Spider-man. He was just a kid who loved science, who had dreams and aspirations and goals like every other kid your age. You examined the suit, wondering if it was just a cheap replica he made.

“You don’t believe me.”

Your eyes met his, and you were amazed at how easily he could read you. You and Peter were always good like that, able to tell what the other was thinking without words.

“Fine, I’ll just have to show you.”

Peter grabbed your hand and dragged you onto the fire escape. He glanced at the building across from yours, then smiled down at you, slipping on his mask and hooking one arm around your waist. He pulled your body into his and your stomach couldn’t help but flip at the feeling of Peter’s body against yours.

“Hold on,” he said while shooting a web from his hand onto the top of the building and jumping off the fire escape, taking you with him. You squealed and buried your head into his chest, holding onto his body for dear life.

Within seconds, you landed on your feet with a thud.

“You can open your eyes now,” he chucked.

You lifted your head from his chest and looked around you at the rooftop. “Oh my..” you whispered, glancing down at the street below. “How the hell did you do that?”

He shrugged, showing you his web shooters. “These may have something to do with it.”

You grabbed his hand and inspected the gadget attached to his wrist. “So THIS is the webby shit you’re always making in chemistry..”

He laughed again. “Yup.”

You sighed and looked up at him, crossing your arms. “Just cause you’re some cool superhero doesn’t mean you get to be a bad friend. Explain.”

“I was on my way to your house when I saw this guy getting jumped in an alley. It ended up tuning into a wild goose chase..” he mumbled, glancing down at his hands. “I really didn’t mean to stand you up. You know I wouldn’t ever do that to you purposefully.”

You were silent for a few seconds, before asking, “Well, did you at least catch the bad guys?”

He smirked down at you before nodding. “Of course I did. If I was gonna miss movie night, you bet your ass I had to catch them.”

You couldn’t help but stare at him. His hair was messy, pointing in every direction. His cheeks were red and flushed, and his eyes had bags under them. They bore into your own like they were searching for something, desperately trying to crack a code within you. It was then that you realized you were still pressed up against him.

You cleared your throat and stepped away from him, letting his arm fall from your waist. Once standing alone, you missed the warmth and comfort of his body.

“I’m really sorry,” he said again.

“Don’t be,” you reassured him. “And uh.. don’t check your voicemail. I may have said some nasty things to you in the heat of the moment.”

You both sat on the edge of the building, kicking your feet and talking about Peter’s secret alias. He told you that the “Stark internship” was just another name for him swinging around Queen’s in a suit and stopping any potential dangers.

Knowing his secret gave you some reassurance. You now knew why he was so shady sometimes, why he would show up to school with bruises under his eyes, nearly falling asleep in class cause he only got two hours of sleep. A lot of your worries and questions that had accumulated over the past few months were finally answered.

With the reassurance, came the worry.

You were afraid that Peter was biting off more than he could chew. You had the utmost trust in him, but he was just a kid with a big heart and some enhanced senses. You know deep down that he is capable of a lot more than you give him credit for, but there’s just so many scary, inhumane things that are out there, always going after the good guy.

“Just.. don’t get yourself killed, okay?” You said following Peter’s Spider-man spiel. “I.. don’t know how I would survive without you.”

You looked down at your hands and toyed with the hem of your shirt, becoming suddenly shy following your confession.

“Remember, I’m the one that worries about you,” he said, nudging your shoulder with his own.

“Cut that shit, Peter,” you said, looking at him. “You’re messing with really dangerous stuff here. I’m serious.”

“I know,” he reassured. “I know. But I’m really okay. If I didn’t think I could handle this, I wouldn’t have taken it on. I wouldn’t do that to you, or Ned.. or May. Not after everything.”

You weren’t sure what to say, but knew that you didn’t need to say anything. Being there was enough for the both of you.

Instead of words, you rested your head on Peter’s shoulder and hummed, comforted by the silence.