#that’s a phrase I think a lot about from time to time

[faemytho]

At the Peak of Truth, Despair Not

story analysis of the Diverged Paths costume set story with pure vanilla's truthless recluse and shadow milk's sage of truth, chunk by fucking chunk because i am INSANE and the parallels keep stacking up. they are the same in every universe. even this one.

this is an essay post and it is long. i am rambling a lot. i dissect certain lines in the story and talk about word choice. i also talk about how many parallels there are in this story to beast-yeast ep 7-8. i swear to god it makes sense. i am a writer by the way. fuck. anyways enjoy my insanity.

-

"Quiet, quiet! Our lecture will resume shortly! Please take your seats in a timely fashion!" A sonorous voice filled the old, quaint square. The voice belonged to a peculiar Cookie dressed in white and gold. Surrounded by a crowd of spectators, this mysterious Cookie now stood in the center of the square. He had just finished reciting an epic poem and was now explaining a convoluted philosophical concept to a freshly-baked flock, wide-eyed with wonder. "The Sage of Truth," they called him.

Setting the scene here, this is an "old, quaint square". The Sage is described here as "peculiar" and "mysterious", indicating that the cookies around him think he's odd. I'll return to the word "mysterious" later.

The word "flock" used here is also an interesting choice; a "flock of sheep". It's a backhanded way to call these cookies "sheep", which is used often in a derogatory way to indicate someone is unable to think for themself or unable to think critically at all, and just plays follow the leader instead of forging their own beliefs.

What's also an interesting thing to note is that the cookies call him "the Sage of Truth". The way this is phrased implies he didn't come up with that name, that he let the cookies name him. That, or he was waiting to be asked his name and was never asked, which I believe is also likely.

It almost seemed as if the Sage of Truth had always stood in that spot, sharing truths and teachings with anyone interested. With time, more and more Cookies came to listen to the Sage. Some said he was a professor of magic, others claimed he was an archivist, until an eager disciple decided to put an end to this dispute with a question. As always, the Sage welcomed the query with a graceful gesture. Pointing upwards, he uttered, "I hail from a peak so tall and narrow, it pierced the firmament itself!" His confounding reply caught everyone by surprise. Only then did the disciples realize that never once had the Sage spoken about himself. Yet, they wished for the lectures to continue and chose never to pry again.

The phrase here, "always stood in that spot", makes him seem more like an object, and less like a person with his own thoughts and feelings. The fact that the cookies begin to come up with things to say about him, that being that he's "a professor of magic", or that he's "an archivist", instead of asking him directly further lends to this line of thinking of him as an object.

This next part, where he is finally asked a question about himself, he exhibits two pieces of body language that show up later in the story at crucial moments. First, when he "welcomes" the query, he is being truthful about it; he wants more of these types of questions about himself. Second, when he "points upwards", he is lying; he claims to "hail from a peak so tall and narrow, it pierced the firmament itself!"

It is an exaggerated fib about the truth. This statement is immediately described as "confounding", meaning surprising or confusing especially in the context of not aligning with the inquirer's expected answer. The disciples then immediately realize that the Sage had never spoken about himself. Paired with such a confusing statement, one might think that such a realization would prompt more questions about the Sage himself, but instead, the disciples decide to focus on the knowledge he gives instead of wanting to learn about him, and so, never ask him another question about himself again.

This is why the Sage is described as "mysterious". They have never asked, and he has never told. The one time he was asked about himself, he said something exaggerated and outlandish; one can only assume he was trying to bait more questions of that nature, only for them to never come.

Another day, another fascinating lecture came to a close. The sky above began to tinge with red and Cookies headed back to their homes when a stranger entered the square. The visitor was draped in a dark cloak and donned an enormous hat that cast a shadow over his face. The Cookie stood there without saying a word and watched the Sage. The silence was broken by the Sage’s courteous greeting, his eyes having already discerned the shadow of despair hanging over the guest. "I don't believe I've seen you here before, my friend…! Alas, today's lecture is over. Care to come back on the morrow?" Yet, the dark visitor paid no heed to his words. "Stop teaching about the Truth." "Why must I?" inquired the Sage.

Setting the scene again for the debut of the Truthless Recluse. He approaches the square when the sun is setting and the sky is turning red, which is a nice bit of contrasting symbolism to Pure Vanilla representing the sun itself.

The Sage takes initiative to greet the Recluse, and immediately defaults to letting the Recluse know that he's done lecturing for the day instead of asking the Recluse about himself (not even a "How are you doing?"). One could speculate that this is a learned behavior; he is used to being used by the cookies who want knowledge from him, is never asked about himself, and as such, never asks personal questions of anybody else either.

But next, the Recluse addresses him directly, talks to him directly about the nature of what he does instead of asking for knowledge or treating him like something to wring answers from. This is probably the first time he's been talked to like this. It's a command, and he answers with a question of his own; the holder of the virtue of knowledge... answers with a question. "Why must I?"

The guest only grinned in reply and stepped closer. For the first time, a ray of light illuminated his face, and the Sage of Truth exclaimed delightedly. "Aaahh, if it isn't the Truthless Recluse himself. To what do I owe such a pleasure?" His monocle glistened with genuine curiosity. "It is said that the Truthless Recluse never descends from the Peak of Truth… How may this humble scholar be of service to you?"

It's interesting that the Sage recognizes the Recluse as soon as his face is revealed. It might indicate that they've met before, especially considering the Sage previously claimed to hail from what we can assume is the same peak the Truthless Recluse has stationed himself at.

The Sage is delighted to see the Recluse, and finally asks the Recluse a personal question, but phrases the question in an interesting way. "How may this humble scholar be of service to you?".

Calling himself humble could mean two things; that he is really a prideful person and is lying by calling himself humble to hide this fact, or, that, in choosing a passive adjective to describe himself with, he is attempting to deflect any aggression he might receive by asking a personal question. It could be both.

He also takes care to point out that he is "being of service".

The Recluse's eyes brimmed with sorrow. "Stop pretending. You know all too well that there is nothing at the Peak of Truth." The Sage clapped his hands. "Eureka! At last, the answer to the age-old question is found! Why the Recluse never leaves his beloved peak vacant! Why every Cookie who neared true enlightenment was inevitably pushed back from the ascension they so craved!"

The Recluse directly calls him a liar. "Stop pretending". The Sage of Truth is a liar! He tells lies and the Recluse can see right through them! But at least he has one thing going for him; he didn't name himself the Sage of Truth. The cookies did. They assumed he would never lie, and because nobody questions him, he has never been caught lying.

Cross referencing to canon Shadow Milk, we know that he holds resentment towards other cookies for just believing every word he said was truthful; being called out on a lie is probably something that's never happened before, especially not to the Sage of Truth.

On top of that, the Recluse is previously described as "a stranger", and the Sage mentions never having "seen him before" in the square where this takes place. All of that tied together means that the Recluse never heard the Sage's exaggerated fib about being from the Peak of Truth, and yet, somehow knows that the Sage is from the Peak of Truth. This is further evidence that the Sage and the Recluse have met before.

Upon being called a liar, the Sage of Truth reacts with delight, only to immediately deflect and deceive again. He turns the subject away from himself.

He tilted his head, expecting a confirmation. "All this time, my best hypothesis was that the Peak of Truth had been seized for good by some petty curmudgeon. Do you mean to say you sought only to protect seekers from disappointment?" The Recluse did not bother to deny the Sage's words for he loathed the Sage for guiding Cookies right into the maw of the cruel Truth. "I, too, once made the same mistake, and for that, faced despair upon the Peak… There was no Truth expecting me. No Truth to save us all. And I cursed myself hundreds, thousands of times over for my folly." And all his sorrow and despair surged forth in a single question. "Why do you persist?!"

"... seized for good by some petty curmudgeon". There's so much going on in this sentence.

If the Sage really does hail from the Peak of Truth, saying it was "seized" puts himself into a "helpless" position. If he cared about the Peak of Truth, what's stopping him from going to take it back? He is, after all, the holder of the virtue of knowledge, a godly power in his own right. Saying it was "seized" puts him in a helpless position and absolves him of any blame for anything that happens to it. Holding the power that he does at his fingertips also implies he doesn't care about the Peak of Truth at all, and is content to let it fall.

He says he'd thought the Truthless Recluse was a "petty curmudgeon"; I'll admit I had to look this word up, but it means a stubborn, ill-tempered person, typically an old man. Really funny actually, but he's negating this insult.

The Sage asks if the Recluse is turning cookies away from the truth to protect them from disappointment. The Recluse doesn't deny it; he "loaths" the Sage for guiding cookies towards the truth. Inverting that sentiment would imply that the Recluse turns cookies away from the truth to avoid disappointment, and uses deceit out of compassion for them. This is to prevent them from getting hurt, because "he too made the same mistake" of ascending to the truth, finding only despair instead.

The truth being described as a "cruel" "maw" is also such interesting imagery. It reminds me of Shadow Milk's snake that devours the sheep on the loading screen of the Awakened Pure Vanilla update. I'll also point out the fact again that the Sage's listeners were explicitly referred to as a "flock".

And finally, the question the Truthless Recluse asks the Sage of Truth. "Why do you persist?"

Because as far as the Recluse is concerned, he just got done explaining why the truth isn't worth it, so why should the Sage continue to preach it? Why do you persist?

It's a question asked out of a genuine, haunting, need to know why the Sage continues to send cookies into the hungry, crushing maw of Truth. It's asked out of desperate compassion for those cookies.

To that, the Sage only pointed upwards and said, "Alas, the Truth is imperfect by design… and yet, one must not turn away from the light of one's own Truth." And with a welcoming gesture, he added, "Not unlike yourself whose Truth is to protect others from anguish." The Recluse never answered. The Sage knew the answer anyway.

Here, the Sage points upwards; a previous indication that he's being deceptive. The statement he gives, "One must not turn away from the light of one's own Truth", seems to imply that he wants anyone listening to him to think that he thinks the truth is a good for cookies, of course, why wouldn't it be? However, throughout the entire story, the truth is regarded by the Sage as something negative, something that's been used to hurt, used to treat him like an object. So to truly answer the Recluse's question, what he's really implying here is that he guides cookies towards the truth because he's hurting, and he wants them to hurt too.

Next, he welcomes; a previous indication that he's being truthful. A welcoming gesture; spreading his arms wide, inviting the Recluse in. He truthfully wants the Recluse to call him out on this lie. He truthfully wants the Recluse to continue to speak with him. He sees an equal, a companion in the Recluse. Someone who understands.

This is such a blatant parallel to Compassionate Pure Vanilla offering friendship to Shadow Milk in episode 8, I would just like to point that out.

The Recluse never answers, but the Sage knows the answer anyway. Whether or not that "answer" is an agreement of companionship or a rejection of it is unclear, and is probably meant to be left ambiguous.

A long night passed and a new day dawned. Yesterday's guest was long gone, and the square was as peaceful as it could be… But the Sage could hear them. The footsteps of many seekers, stepping forth towards the Truth.

"The square was peaceful... But... the Sage could hear them."

This ending is very painful. The cycle of hurt continues. It would imply the Recluse rejected the Sage's offer of companionship, which is probably more likely here. However, the nature of the ambiguity means the Recluse could have accepted, and the seekers of truth may be what links the Sage and the Recluse now that they are apart. It's less likely.

Either way, they are the same in every universe. Even this one.

As I put it in a previous post, the difference between Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk, no matter which path either of them are on, is their compassion.

The Truthless Recluse pushes cookies away from the cruel truth, while the Sage of Truth encourages them to seek out what he knows will hurt them.

Because even on diverged paths, Pure Vanilla will always care, and Shadow Milk can't ever find a reason to.

[tidesreach]

I don't know if it's just me but is there more to Maddie’s “If there's something you need to tell Eddie” scene than Maddie referring to Buck coming out to Eddie in his own time? Bc I see a lot of people saying that that scene was so loud in terms of buddie which yes it definitely was but it was more to do about Buck's sexuality and not necessarily his feelings towards Eddie but his feelings about coming out to Eddie... I feel like I'm missing the subtext of it all here sometimes😭

P.S. I apologize if that sounded rude, that was definitely not my intention, I'm just confused

you don't sound rude at all, anon. don't worry! it's a lot about the ambiguity of the statement that betrays a double meaning to it. like, the wording is deliberately ambiguous. "if there's something you need to tell eddie." if. something. eddie. first off, there is something he needs to tell eddie. their conversation already established this. and also crucially the conversation itself is not about buck being confused about his sexuality. it's about the fact that he lied to eddie. buck's major concern here is that he lied to eddie about being on a date with a man and trying to figure out why. that's what they're talking about. and maddie is like. well okay the fact that he’s a man may be the point. but then buck lets slip WHO his date was and she quickly clocks the eddie of it all. the way she says "it's the same tommy?" and "eddie's friend?" (emphasis on both eddie and friend) always makes me laugh. like, you mean the same tommy you wanted dead for spending time with eddie (and also significant, christopher)? and only THEN does she tell buck she thinks he’s confused about his feelings. also bearing in mind buck literally admitted to her post-basketball game that he was trying to get eddie's attention. and now buck's telling her he's DATING the guy he was trying to divert eddie's attention away from. so yeah, that "if there's something you need to tell eddie" is very ambiguous in that context.

like, there are so many more ways it could have been phrased. but it was done so with a deliberate ambiguity and emphasis on the eddie of it all. they could have emphasised the sexuality aspect, but the focus was on eddie. and just the context of it in general, especially after 7x04 where eddie was at the centre of everything. buck is confused about his feelings. but specifically about eddie. "my attention?" "i guess so" -> "i think you're confused about your feelings. and if there's something you need to tell eddie, you will."

[stompedchild]

after the past few days i have a lot of thoughts about tr!ros and her lack of kingdom-to-kingdom communication so i'm putting them all together.

all of the below is /rp

so, Ros Roscumber. should be in the running for the Realm SMP's "how many things can one person have wrong with them?" competition, and desperately needs to start seeing a therapist not named Pangi or BadBoyHalo. She is plagued by approximately 10001 issues and i love her. She deals with loneliness, i'd argue social anxiety to some extent, being a people pleaser to a detriment to herself, at least 2 different guilt complexes, nonexistant self-worth that borders on being suicidal, and communication.

Communication is SO important in a place like The Realm where things change on a dime and significant events can happen daily. It's especially important if you're the Royal Architect who is ALSO dealing with about 10000 problems at any given moment. Roscumber has stated that she is not particularly good with phrasing, words, or memory. This does her no favors in being a good communicator, so surely to make up for that she'd frequently express if something's wrong to her faction right? Right??????

Nope! Roscumber has a horrific guilt complex around receiving help from her faction members. She cannot handle the thought of burdening or bothering other people, so she would rather try to be independent and work on things herself to not feel that guilt. Sometimes she'll cave and ask for resources, such as recently when she asked Sneeg to make her new boots (but only after she gathered netherite with Aimsey and Pangi, her friends, not faction members). But other times, such as her training with Clown as an example, she had to be asked to not eat sweet berries and Clown had to insist that it was okay for her to take some of his food.

If the guilt complex was the only issue than maybe Ros would be doing better, but there's another major communication barrier imo. I hesitate to refer to this as anything along the lines of "lacking a backbone" because i don't think that's it. Ros can stand up for herself, though that's typically through killing people who are kinda asking for it (harry, owen, badlinu) and feeling guilty over it afterwards. I want to say that she's passive to a fault but I'm not sure if that fully capture my thoughts. Regularly passive but passive to a fault with the King in particular? I'll figure out how I want to describe this character trait of Ros' eventually :3

When Roscumber left the Kingdom and was confronted by Sneeg, she confessed that she wasn't going to say anything if she wasn't asked. Maybe this says something about how readily her trust/faith and therefore ability to communicate gets shaken, but I think this is an example of her being passive to a fault. More recently she had a chat with Aimsey where she expressed feeling tired over having to constantly defend herself, which I think is a super important line from Ros. Because Ros has been messed with in some shape or form, somewhat consistently, since around the Hostile Faction joining and Mocha deciding to be her number 1 hater. Mocha dying didn't really save her either considering the recent actions of The Jester. At the end of the day, having to be on the defending end from so much shit from so many people for about 3 months now is undeniably exhausting and draining. So what does Roscumber to in response for this? She takes an even more passive approach than normal and simply takes the blows, especially the verbal ones, as they come.

But how does this tie into Kingdom communication? Roscumber's biggest and most active ally, Sneegsnag, is typically off doing his own thing 90% of the time. He is generally speaking out of the loop with a good chunk of things that happen on the server, but it's been noticable with Ros recently. The Jester is after her once again, and she feels as though Foolish is not taking her concerns seriously, and perhaps never thought of it as a big issue in the first place. Not to mention being terrified that Owen is winning him over to kick her out of the Kingdom. Her newfound friend Pangi is having troubles with Ilip, she's dealing with having to process what Owen's said to her, and she's organizing a ball on top of all that! Now, more than ever, she wants to be listened to by someone who can hear about Kingdom secrets without getting in trouble. And yet, she does not reach out for that help.

It's a mix of her tremendous guilt around receiving help from her faction members and not wanting to bother them, see "I fear Sneegsnag has done too much for me," - paraphrased line from Roscumber, but also lacking the will to call out for help, that concerning passivity. Instead of reaching out to her faction member, her teammate, her friend(!!!), she cannot bring herself to take the initial leap of writing /msg Sneegsnag, and will instead wait for one of her friends who is around spawn more frequently to notice that something is wrong and ask her about it. She wants help, she wants comfort, she wants to be listened to by someone she wants to trust, but in order for all of that to occur she first needs to ASK for that. She is instead passive, and waits for her woes to be noticed by those who see her often. She wants her mind to be read yet there's not a single person capable of that on the server. It does not help that she tends to constantly question her loyalties, she is worried about her words misconstruing the situation, and is worried that Sneegsnag's reaction to information will be negative. So with no other active Kingdom members to turn to in confidence, she confides to Aimsey and the Honey Badgers.

It is so cool that this is a solvable issue though! All that needs to happen is for Roscumber to ask Sneeg to talk, and she then needs to open up about her recent problems. Except she has expressed struggling to do that in the first place because of all of her many issues. Sneeg has expressed wanting to support Roscumber and wanting to hang out more, but because of this lack of communication it doesn't happen, and both parties are sad because there's no talking going on. It feels as though Ros is only able to open up when pushed to a breaking point, which is not healthy in the slightest. (not that she is doing that great anyways) Otherwise she will just Not Talk about her problems in fear of being a bother or receiving an unwanted (negative) response. Despite all of this I would like to believe that when the time comes for either Ros to reach out to Sneeg, or for him to inquire about something being wrong, Ros will be given what she has been looking for this past week.

[ariaste]

I'm going to reframe this with a different example in case it helps anyone who is still struggling with the above conversation and feeling frustrated, since "being an abuser" is quite a scary thing to think about for yourself and that might be getting in the way a bit.

Hello, I have ADHD. It gets worse in the winter, because then it's compounded with seasonal depression. Even with medication, there are days and weeks where I am so paralyzed by executive dysfunction that I struggle with doing basic self-maintenance tasks like feeding myself or showering. I will lie there in bed, feeling very hungry and wanting to eat, but the thought of having to cook is so exhausting and "complicated" that it sometimes brings me to the point of tears.

In this state of being incredbily hangry (never a helpful baseline to start from), it is very easy to condemn myself: "You're so lazy. Ugh. Why can't you just DO IT? What would people say if they could see how lazy and disgusting you are? Just go cook something! You bought the groceries! Those are going to go bad if you don't cook them and eat them, and then you'll have wasted money too! Get up!" Turns out that is not a great way of getting myself to change my behavior. I will feel worse and more guilty, and my way of dealing with that is [checks notes] Avoidance. Thinking of anything else. And then I'm stuck in bed and i'm still hangry and now my blood sugar is crashing and oh noooooo All Is Lost, Catastrophe, The End is Nigh, Ragnarok Is Coming.

What IS more effective is to practice self-forgiveness: "[gently, warmly] Hey there, buddy. Y'know, you do need to eat, and being hungry won't help you feel less cranky. Listen, it's okay if you're having a hard time today. But guess what? Remember you got those frozen meals as emergency rations exactly for days like this? That'll just take a minute or two to toss in the microwave! AND you can wear your cozy slippers as a treat when you go down to the kitchen." And suddenly I am sitting up and rolling out of bed. (And forgetting my slippers on the way to the kitchen, bc ADHD, but y'know what? That's okay too.)

Forgiving yourself for being an abuser, as the above discussion describes, does NOT mean saying to yourself, "Haha, it's no big deal that I hurt people! It's water under the bridge, whatevs. #yolo Also??? I'm great, actually. I am innocent of any wrongdoing, ever. Pat myself on the back."

It COULD mean saying something more like, "[gently, warmly] Hey there, buddy. Yeah, you did a bad thing and you hurt people. But we still gotta be here on this planet and interact with other human beings, right? We gotta continue to wake up and go to work and put one foot in front of the other and have relationships with people, which is already hard even without all that guilt and self-condemnation you've been carrying around. But y'know what? You've learned a lot about yourself and a lot about what not to do, and you'll be able to catch yourself if you notice a bad habit coming back, so now you can do better next time, right? Right! Being a good person is hard work, but everything that's worth doing is pretty hard, I think. And besides, you're stubborn as hell, so you've already got the most important tool for that project. Great start! What's the next step?"

Forgiveness isn't about forgetting the past (that's why the phrase is "forgive and forget" -- they are two separate, unrelated actions). Forgiveness is just setting down the huge heavy burden of guilt so that you've got two hands with which to carry a roadmap of the past that can help guide you toward a better future.

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[franabz]

Fran Fran Fran!!

Idk when you’ll do asks or at least this ask but…

I need to see ghost x singleparent! Reader.

Lots of love

Sammy (reena)

★ Little things

You and Simon have been best friends since high school, and you both seemed to naturally gravitate towards one another. You both weren't exactly the most talkative pair which worked out in both of your favors quite nicely since there didn't need to be a strong conversation (if even at all) for the two of you to be content with one another. It was refreshing.

One thing led to another and suddenly you were carrying another man's baby fresh out of high school; a man you thought loved and cared about you all to turn his back the second he got that pregnancy test back positive. Simon always knew the man was trouble from the start, but you never should have had to find it out for yourself in these circumstances. He was always right there, even while on deployment to god knows where, listening to your broken sobs and blubbering stutters over the phone about how hard it was to juggle raising a daughter while having been fresh out of high school and barely running on multiple jobs with the pay that was practically a joke to you.

Starting off was difficult yes, but you never not once regretted what happened. You love your daughter Sydney with all of your heart and always did everything in your power to give her the best life possible, even if money was tight and she couldn't always get the candy in the grocery store checkout isles that sat oh so temptingly for her chubby little hands to get ahold of. In spite of Simon being gone and having joined the military, he always did his best to help you and give you the life he knew you deserved. You both deserved.

One day in particular it was raining exceptionally hard and Simon was fresh off deployment and needed a place to stay the night to clear his head and snap him back to reality after a jarring mission he never bothered to talk about. You knew better than to push. You were setting Sydney into her highchair, clipping the tray back onto the chair and stepping into the kitchen to scoop some food out of a pot for the toddler as she babbled incoherent nonsense followed by some random phrases like "Hungry" and "Bottle." Simon had just stepped out of the bathroom after a much needed shower wearing a black 141 branded t-shirt and a pair of joggers he luckily packed during his deployment.

You looked up from the plate of food you made for Sydney and gave him a small fond grin. He returned the grin and walked into the kitchen alongside you, leaning back against the cool marble countertops and watching you do you (something he could never get tired of)

"Hard at work I see." He muttered with a playful huff, taking a slight step forward while looking over your shoulder. "When am I not?" You snorted in suit "Taking care of this little gremlin is a full time job."

"Not like you have to remind me, birdie." He playfully waved his hand in a dismissive manner, setting his skull-printed balaclava onto the counter beside him. He never liked wearing it as a civvie. Especially not in front of you or Sydney. Simon much preferred to keep his work far away from the peacefulness of being around you and the baby bear, finding it his own little slice of home in the midst of the hell he goes through behind closed doors. Sydney squealed a little "Si-Si!" as soon as Simon came into her peripheral view, outstretching her small chubby hands and bouncing around in her seat like a loose spring in a couch. "Yeah, yeah... Si-Si's out. Don't go jumping 'round like a bloody bunny, missy." Simon's mouth cracked a sliver of a smile as he kneeled over, ruffling Sydney's hair fondly and earning a giggle out of the little girl.

You had been watching the whole exchange from the side, placing Sydney's food onto the tray of her high chair and fighting back a goofy smile "I'm starting to think she like you more than me." You joked, tilting Sydney's chin up a bit to tie a bib around her neck. "Don't be mad i'm cooler." Simon huffed, glaring at you without any heat. All you did was roll your eyes and pick up another plate, handing the hefty meal to Simon with a smile. He looked down at the plate of food forced into his hands and choked out a small scoff "You know I told you... You don't 'ave to feed me, birdie..."

You simply shrugged and pushed the plate of food further against his chest, the smile never leaving your lips. "And do I ever listen?" You retorted.

"No." He muttered, his voice getting smaller as he could finally feel himself crumbling under the delectable scents of cooked chicken that was unlike anything he'd ever eaten in an MRE. Obviously.

"Exactly." You hummed, smile growing in victory that he didn't put up a fight for once and actually accepted the food you gave him. "So eat up, yeah? I need you staying in good shape for when you're back out on deployment." You added, plucking a bit of extra chicken off the bone in the tray it was cooked in and popping it in your mouth, eye contact never breaking. Simon just sighed and set his plate onto the counter, eating slowly and savoring every bite as if it was his last time enjoying a home cooked meal.

It was the little things that mattered.

[thislovintime]

Photos (from July 1967 and January 1968) published in Flip and Monkee Spectacular; (all?) photos by Bill Chadwick, audio from Wonderwall.

“[George Harrison and I] spent a lot of time discussing getting it all done. Getting all what done? I’m not quite sure. I think it’s what’s happening — all you need is love and baby you’re a rich man. Those aren’t titles, those are phrases. Those are statements, and they’re true — baby, you’re a rich man, you keep all your money in a big brown bag inside a zoo, and you’re a rich man. Anybody can do it, maybe I’ll write a song to that effect. You can do it, it’s just a question of getting everybody to believe. Our ideas about this life are very much alike — almost totally.” - Peter Tork, Tiger Beat, November 1967 “George invited me and Bill Chadwick out to hang with him. He showed us his sitar and we talked about music — Indian and Rock.” - Peter Tork, Beachwood Confidential Newsletter, 1995 “[In January 1968] ‘[George] said: “I’m working on a soundtrack album, I’d love to have you play a little banjo.”’ Tork had traveled without his instrument, so Harrison borrowed McCartney’s five-string banjo for the session — ‘which Paul couldn’t play — at least conventionally, because the folk five-string banjo can’t be restrung in reverse order for left-handers, it must be custom made. I played for 45 minutes, George said, “Thanks very much,” and we went our separate ways.’ Tork’s breezy contribution didn’t make the record, but it can be heard 15 minutes into the film, after Collins is chided by his mother for spying through the wall. ‘And I did not get paid,’ he laughs. ‘George said: “We’ll figure that out later.” He knew that the honor itself was payment enough!’” - The Guardian, March 23, 2017 "I suppose the highlight of L.A. this time for us was the session we had at Peter Tork’s place. Peter Asher joined us there — he played bass, Peter Tork was on piano, George and Dave Crosby on guitars and Ringo drumming.” - Mal Evans, The Beatles Monthly, August 1968 “[George] was as kind and as gentle a man as you could imagine.” - Peter Tork, Liverpool Echo, November 28, 2011

[nightmarearian]

the word ‘rape’ didn’t exist in Ancient Greece. So, when Ody said it during Odysseus (this isn’t a complaint don’t worry) I went.

“Yeah, he’d totally invent the entire word for Penelope/to describe the [horror] of the suitors’ actions.”

Does it make sense in an actual cultural & linguistically developmental sense? Fuck no. Do I care? Not really.

And then. Cause I can’t fuckin leave things alone,

Calypso.

On Calypso’s island, Odysseus had seven years to think. All by himself. And even just. Simply a name, a term, for what she does to him (for what happens all too commonly to most woman but still goes unsaid, he thinks).

And he does.

And when he says it when he’s back in Ithaca, slaughtering the suitors? Anyone there understands what it means. Anyone who hears it afterwards, with the context of Odysseus, Penelope, & the Suitors does too.

There’s only really one thing they’d want from Penelope, after all.

It’s such an ugly word. (Odysseus thinks. Good).

[halfbaked00q]

Im soooo weak to when Bond is like casually being used or exploited at his expense for some ostensible Greater Good except the situation doesn't HAVE to come to that, not really, and he's so inured and even numb to it that he barely pays it any mind; meanwhile, Q absolutely minds and is very indignant on his behalf and works overtime to like either try to avert or forestall the situation before it gets to the point where Bond has to dig his own claws into more of his soft underbelly to offer up on the sacrificial alter of politics of all tawdry things, or to manufacture a way in which he does the needless "needful" so as to spare Bond at least one unnecessary additional wound upon his psyche.

bonus if Bond finds out and maybe after being angry or indignant about it - I don't need you to do my job for me, Q, this is what I'm here to do - and either Q tells him/lets slip or he deduces that like, this isn't Q thinking he can't get the job done, this is Q finding him precious and worthy of protecting, and like. he's just very in awe of that and does in fact feel very safe and cherished within the cradle of his Quartermaster's regard

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[cassandra-collin]

I have facial dysmorphia, and I’ve booked an appointment with a psychologist for it. I’m going to do what’s called EMDR therapy.

I don’t really like going to psychologists, but my facial dysmorphia was so severe that I started having suicid@l thoughts and would spend more than three hours a day just looking at myself in the mirror, doing nothing else with my days.

I know that one of my mom’s friends once told her I was beautiful, and the son of her friend also said I had no reason to feel insecure (in a positive way). I’ve been catcalled before, and I also heard a man say, "This girl is pretty," (in french) when he saw me, talking to his friends. Even when I went out yesterday, some men stared at me (I didn’t see them, it’s my mom who told me). But every time, I just tell myself, “They were probably talking about someone else,” “They were just looking at the road,” or “They were probably only looking at my body.” (I think men focus more on my body, like the man who asked me if I did dance.)

I think people don’t realize how hard this is, especially when you don’t receive much external validation outside of social media and a few men on the street. I feel like I’ve been heavily influenced by beauty standards, and I also think some of it might come from childhood trauma.

When I was little, an ex-best friend told me I was fat (there’s nothing wrong with being fat as long as there are no health issues related to it, but it was said as if it was something bad). In middle school, I constantly compared myself to other girls, telling myself they were always thinner and cuter than me. Now I wear an XXS, and I have no issues with my body—only with how I perceive my face.

I even realized that I was telling myself harmful things that were the exact same phrases some people said to me in the past, people who were really mean to me.

When a haircut doesn’t suit me (like the bangs I got recently, which I only posted once on my Tumblr before deleting it), or when my hair is just all over the place, I react much more negatively than someone who doesn’t have facial dysmorphia.

I also have a pretty androgynous face (and an androgynous voice as well), so that adds another layer to it.

And when I see a pretty girl who says she feels ugly (and you can tell she’s being sincere when she says it), and people comment under her video saying she’s just saying that to get compliments because, to them, a beautiful person can't be that insecure, it just annoys me.

Sometimes I find my face pretty and cute, but most of the time, I think it’s too big, too androgynous, too I don’t know… And the thing I notice the most is the expression lines on my face that have become a bit more pronounced (which you can't really see or don’t see at all in my photos because of the lighting, even if it's not done on purpose).

When I post pictures of myself online, I usually ask my mom if the photos look like me because I don’t really know what I look like and I don't want to come across as a "fake." It would make me feel guilty if they didn’t look like me. The only things I allow myself to modify on my face are my pimples and slightly my dark circles (it’s like using a little concealer).

After that, I edit my photos to make them more "aesthetic" (lighting). That’s it. If I don’t look like my photos, I delete them right away and don’t post them.

I also wear glasses, so I don’t really see my "real" face (except in videos and photos), but I plan to get contact lenses. I hope that when my bangs grow back, my facial dysmorphia will lessen as well (because I felt good or better with the haircut I had before, even though I still had facial dysmorphia).

I’m healing now, even though it’s tough, and I have a lot of trauma˖⁺‧₊˚ꨄ︎

(I’m writing all of this to share my experience with facial dysmorphia and to express how serious it can be. Writing about it also helps me calm down, even though I haven’t shared everything.)

Does anyone else look in the mirror long enough and examine your features to the point where you start to get physically nauseous? Just me? Ok

[faunandfloraas]

The thing where a korean fan will say something stupid and then international fans will jump on it viciously and immediately just be saying the most transparently xenophobic shit never fails to shock me, and I've seen it a lot of times now so it probably shouldn't shock me, and yet!

[celtrist]

Why does Vassago already have merch, we haven't even met him yet

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[thewistlingbadger]

Hi! Thanks for your response. I really liked the way you phrased your comments on point #1 because it did sort of shift the way I think, or at bare minimum it made me see your perspective. Mel was upfront with Jayce and Viktor in regards to hextech. It was obvious that she wanted to help back them in exchange for some sort of benefit of her own. To me Mel is very intriguing because she kinda has two different complexes going on at the same time. On one hand, she wants to be independent from her mother and family name and on the other she wants o live up the the expectations set forth for Medardas. Backing Hextech accomplishes both. Hextech is a very unique technology that would and DID put Piltover on the map, which advances Mel's goal of being seen separately from Noxus. Being a big supporter of Hextech also gave Mel more money and probably more influence and power than she had before, which advances her goal of being like the rest of her kin.

I agree that Mel's relationship to Hextech and its founders was not predatory. I think Mel was intrigued by the possibilities that kind of technology could have for her own goals and so she wanted to see it through, but not enough to actually openly support it. At Jayce's trial, she is clearly interested in his results but when he reveals he has none she begins to criticize him like all the other councilors do. Later when she sees Jayce again, she's willing to help cover for them but she's not willing to risk her own ass and stand up for them in a proper council meeting. Not that I blame her tho, She's a politician, of course she's mainly only ever looking out for her own self intertest.

The term "using" people is honestly so vast that I feel like it can be stretched into a lot of things. Like with proper argumentation and evidence you could probably argue that any character used another character. Mel gave jayce and viktor access to what they needed not out of the "goodness of her heart" or because she genuinely believed in the tech's helpfulness, but because she saw that it could be money maker and it could be revolutionary. So I suppose in that way she "used" them for her own personal gain but like...it was kinda obvious and expected? So should she be faulted for that? Idk. I guess when I examine it, saying that Mel specifically used Jayce and Viktor in regards to hextech is like saying Cassandra Kiramman used Jayce. Like...sure? It's not incorrect per say but it's just a weak argument. That's what I mean when I say it isn't malicious bc it's very obvious and everyone should have expected that going in.

However, I do 100% believe that Mel used Jayce specifically in regards of politics. I feel like it's extremely obvious in canon that Mel had been building up Jayce to get him a council seat so that she would have basically a built in political ally but this post isn't really about that.

As for point number two, I genuinely don't see a difference. The council was unaware of Silco's activity not because of their ignorance, but because on paper Silco genuinely did look like only an industrialist and Marcus had fabricated material to support the lie. Marcus never got caught because he always covered his tracks. The council is fully aware that the enforcers are abusive of their power when it comes to zaunites because they're the ones who ordered the enforcers to "turn the undercity inside out" back in act 1 s1, when grayson was in charge and not marcus. The council is the one who authorizes the increased enforcer presence in act 3 s1 and they see the consequence in real time. They're also most likely the ones responsible for dispatching so many enforcers on the day of ash, a day where tons of zaunites were slain by enforcers.

I know you're not arguing for the council but me personally I will never give them any shred of grace.

As for Mel specifically, yeah she is being passive and ignorant and these are not excuses but also? If Mel was genuinely aware of the state of living in Zaun, would that have genuinely made her see the error of her and the council's ways? Or would she have just turned a blind eye and kept looking away? Mel didn't always live in Piltover. While she may be oblivious to what goes on in Zaun, she is not oblivious to the ramifications of being poor or a minority class in a dominating society. Mel was a little girl when she saw her mother, a leader of a dominating society, slay a girl merely for being part of a minority class. Mel is well educated not only from books but also her own lived experiences. I feel like she knows what the rich do the poor, how the majority class almost always oppresses the minority class, and so these patterns would have been obvious to recognize in the conflict between Piltover and Zaun.

Mel thoughts

Do I acknowledge and accept the fact that Mel Medarda did bad things, did hurt people, did use people, did manipulate people, yes I do. But. Also. Mel canonically was a teenager when her mother had her shipped off to Piltover. She was a teenager, probably around Vi's age, in a foreign land with strangers, completely cut off from her family. It can be really hard to analyze and discuss characters probably when we aren't given much explicit information...but the fact is Mel had no idea that HER OWN BROTHER had died until Ambessa came to Piltover... Let that sink in.

The fact of the matter is that Mel actually has a lot of childhood trauma and it comes from not only the horrors her mother forced her to witness and the harshness of Noxus, but it also comes from having been abandoned and forced to live somewhere that was completely unfamiliar to Mel. It goes undiscussed because the show barely acknowledges it because narratively Mel is only a side character, she isn't given the time or dedication as a character like Jinx or Vi despite the fact that she's a member of the main cast.

Mel does tons of things that are shitty and wrong and her actions are the results of the tools her mother gave her. The tools Ambessa gave Mel were incredibly damaging, not only to others but also to Mel. Sure, Mel is a very successful adult socially, financially, and career wise but on a personal level? On a personal level we see that Mel is fake to practically everyone she interacts with. She clearly liked Jayce for a long time and yet it took her forever to be real with him and even when she started to be honest and open with him she was still not being completely transparent. Outside of Jayce Mel really doesn't interact with anyone in a meaningful or positive way other than Elora. Elora is always at Mel's right hand and we know Mel cares about her greatly since she was devastated when she died. However, it should be noted that Elora is Mel's assistant, she works for Mel, so even though they have a close relationship the foundation of their relationship isn't one of friendship or mutual enjoyment of the other. This is similar to the foundation of Mel's relationship with Jayce. Their relationship isn't founded on mutual attraction or appreciation for each other. Mel's relationship with Jayce starts back in the beginning of arcane, because Mel thinks Jayce can be profitable and a useful asset to her. Based on Mel's reactions to Jayce it seems that Jayce is probably her first ever real connection with someone in a long time, perhaps even ever.

Ambessa raised Mel to be harsh and brutal and so in some ways, Mel still abides by the lessons she was taught as a child. She has no problem using the poor to advance her own wealth. She has no problem with turning her colleagues against one another just for the sake of her own personal gain. She's not completely off the rails and unhinged, she has standards and lines she won't cross but don't let the lines she refuses to cross distract you from the lines she already has crossed. I have empathy for Mel for the hardships she has faced and for her complicated family. It is sad that she was never taught how to navigate the world and others in a healthy, appropriate way. However, Mel is not a child anymore. She's an adult, and while she may have not had the skill set to form healthy bonds with people, she had the opportunity to learn how to be a better person. Mel didn't need to use the tactics she was raised on, but she chose to.

Something that I find interesting about Mel is her lack of... accountability? Awareness? The correct word escapes me right now. Mel witnesses a lot of events and in some cases she is actually responsible for the way things have transpired but she never seems to acknowledge that. For example, Mel is partially responsible for the decay of the underground and the suffering of Zaunites as a councilor, but she never acknowledges this, even when it comes to bite her in the ass. When her and Jayce see all the dead enforcers on the bridge, she is mostly concerned about the threat of future violence and retaliation, she isn't all that concerned with what's actually in front of her (this is kinda valid considering she grew up seeing a lot of death and she was probably just in shock at the bridge). Mel is shocked when Jayce accuses her of using him and Viktor in season two, even when she literally did. She even admits to it, but in the way she admits to it she doesn't take accountability. It's not a "yes you're right and that was fucked up" it's a "well of course you guys were investments hello??"

Honestly I think a lot of Mel's issues as a person stem from her childhood and how she was raised, but as an adult Mel hasn't made much of an effort to combat what she was taught and become a better person. And again please note that Mel doesn't need to be a good person. She's allowed to be flawed and complete and human. I'm not saying anything of this as an accusation, I'm saying it as observations I have noted about her character.

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

Have you noticed your style change over time?

Hi!! Thank you for the ask. <3

We haven't really noticed that, no -- we're aware our older fics don't read quite the same as our more recent ones, but we don't tend to notice the changes happening in real time and would struggle to pinpoint exactly what changed.

Part of that is plurality-related. We don't all write the same to begin with -- actually part of our editing process now, especially for longer projects, consists of getting as many of us rereading the text as possible (separately over a period of time and/or together at the same time), so we can smooth out differences where needed or (more rarely) exaggerate them when warranted (e.g. for added character flavour in subjective narration). In the past we didn't go through that Collaborative Smoothening step, and we did a lot less editing to begin with (we same-day wrote-and-published a lot), so many of our older works are more clearly One Guy's Writing. We can usually tell who based on the way they're written, but this isn't style evolution so much as like... us writing differently at baseline.

Part of that is that we have two types of approach to writing: either we write so rarely that too much time passes in-between for us to remember our previous writings clearly, or we write so often that any overall changes are too gradual for us to notice. Nowadays it's more the latter -- with the MelloNears, we've been writing/editing at least a few words every single day since November 1st, in mostly the same two AUs/series, so we're not really seeing the style evolution that is probably taking place because we're standing too close to see the big picture.

[fanfic/author ask game]

[druidshollow]

"what would your character be like without their trauma?" is such a hard question for me because it makes me feel like a massive asshole LMAO

(im attaching a picture of a tundra literally to add context to my ramble in the tags because my posts are structured by a sane person) (you should read the ramble in the tags i talk so much about rivers fsr)