#that’s a lot of wieners

[some1s-sista]

Saturday highlight reel

I wrapped presents this morning while James cooked 200 hot dogs for the Town’s Xmas Parade. They were gone in an hour. (They were free)

I think I’m done Xmas shopping except some treats for the cats. I’ll start baking soon if my arm and bewb can handle it. Unless I can find a bakery near the radiation therapy center. I’m good with letting someone else bake this year.

Almost done decorating too. Just the nutcrackers in the foyer is all I have to do. I’ve just been procrastinating.

A gigantic box was delivered today. It’s one of my Xmas gifts. I had nothing on my wish list that was that big. Def Con level 2! He went out on his own! (Last time this happened I got a remote car starter that was never installed and ended up selling it at a yard sale 2 years later)

I did not go to the parade. I’ve seen plenty of fire engines before. But I did catch a glimpse through the window of the guy who nearly threw his wife to the ground to get to the candy thrown from the floats onto the street before she did. That was special. Gave me the Xmas warm and fuzzies.

[pezberrywhoreee]

you know what i love about the way reneé portrays regina george?

this moment is so so effective in how she characterises both the dynamic between regina and gretchen but also how realistically this moment plays out.

compared to the stage show, i feel like her tone, demeanour and delivery is scarily accurate to common teenage bullying and manipulation.

of course, the stage show is far more comedic and outbursts are a consistent way to easily get a reaction from the audience, and it's a rather fleeting moment in that version.

but i think that the demeaning, humiliating nature of how she's characterised in the new movie is far more effective. i would be so genuinely hurt if she talked down to me like that.

anyway! i think that the evolution of reneé's portrayal of regina and her different approaches for the screen and stage is just phenomenal and she's such an amazing actor omg spare me

(sorry for the five pixel video XD)

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/pynkhues/763021215378079744/httpswwwtumblrcomnalyra-dreaming762934616351

I love how you mention in your tags here that Lestat is somewhat powerless in s2- or how he is used in the narrative and how different characters use him against each other. Sometimes it feels like Lestat is almost being objectified, if that’s the right word, or maybe things are projected on to him because he’s desirable and has such intense charisma. I do feel like loss of autonomy is such a big theme for him, especially in TVL but also QoTD and beyond, and I’m very interested to see how the show presents that and how seriously they take it (I expect very tbh). It’s pretty unique for a male character to go through some of the things he’s gone through, so I do sort of see the comparison to some gothic heroine characters for that reason, though I think ultimately he goes far outside that as a vampire.

(x)

Oh, he's absolutely objectified in s2, anon. Mm, so there's kind of two things happening, right? On the one hand, you've got Louis genuinely trying to tell this story authentically as he experienced it, but there is also this reality that Lestat has no genuine voice in it beyond a few tokens of love that Louis' held onto - a calling card, a record, a letter. Hell, even Claudia has more than that with her diaries, and so from the get-go we're seeing an impression of Lestat, but what the show does really well is that it lets different intent come into play in the second season.

Louis' retelling of Lestat in the modern timeline is one thing, but he has two alternate retellings, right? One is the goading, provocative, mean one that he tells Daniel in 1973, and the other is Dreamstat who is neither ghost nor memory, but rather a fantasy Louis can control. While it feels like he just pops up, we know a part of Louis does it intentionally because he lets him go intentionally. I've said it a few times, but it's his desire from the s1 finale wrought true - he wanted Lestat dead and he wanted him all to himself, and now he has both. This is a Lestat that he can seek comfort from, that can tell him what he wants to hear, and! Pointedly! Devastatingly! Fuck and kill again! It's not all sweetness for Louis, he wants to project Lestat's image onto other men - a process that's dehumanising not just for the men Louis fucks and kills, but for Lestat too.

At least Louis' is understandable if not justifiable as a trauma response, but Armand has a lot of intent in how he chooses to recount his time with Lestat in Paris, something I think the show does pretty pointedly by including Nicki but having Armand drop Gabrielle. The fact that he and Lestat only almost have sex in the books before Lestat's badly triggered with memories of Magnus, which I talked about a bit here, feels too relevant to the themes the show's exploring for them to change it much? The fact then that Armand would re-write their history so explicitly sexual, even beyond any other edits, definitely lends not only to the literal objectification of Lestat, but feels pretty icky to put it mildly. Again though, he's a fantasy.

But yeah! More to your point, haha, I think s2 did a lot about showing Lestat's perceived power and then deliberately undermining it in a way that both emphasises how much we don't know the real Lestat yet, but as you said, emphasises this throughline with him as not really having a lot of genuine autonomy. Which makes sense! The fact that Rolin wanted the writers to read at least the first four books when starting IWTV I think goes to your point about that, as it really is such a huge part of his arc, like:

IWTV: Voiceless and without a point of view as it's entirely Louis' recounting

TVL: His lack of autonomy in his mortal life then his turning as an abduction and rape allegory, that gets revisited as a trigger point over and over.

QOTD: Akasha abducting him to use him in her plot (and I believe assaulting him too? I'd need to re-read it before I feel I can dive into that tbh).

TTOTBT: Has his physical body literally stolen under misleading terms.

I wrote in my Byronic Hero post that I was going to go into this and then didn't, haha, but this is kind of what I'm talking about with the female gothic vs the male gothic. While rape and physical violation is a huge part of the male gothic subgenre, often being used pretty maliciously as a symbol of corruption and to amplify horror, the violation and desecration of the body is still a really central part of the female gothic too, and it's often explored in different ways.

The female gothic is generally considered to include elements of terror / dread more than horror, and it builds to things like loss of autonomy because it's an experience women know. Lestat's not 'woman-coded' as a character, and he's not a gothic heroine, but he is a protagonist in a female gothic narrative. The result of that is that Anne has included things in his arc that are specifically the most frightening to women, because that's what the female gothic is about, and I think that's what a lot of people get confused in the gothic heroine debates.

Some of Louis' horrors are going to resonate with women. It's not because he's the beaten down housewife, it's because Anne was writing for a female audience, and to build dread and terror for women readers is to utilise things that women specifically understand and find frightening. That's what the female gothic means, and it's why Louis and Lestat are both victim and perpetrator as male protagonists of a female gothic novel series.

[despazito]

love the way russians pronounce pitbull. peetboole

[meangirlsautism]

the realistic side of my brain: gretchen wieners is an extremely insecure 16 year old girl. her fixation and relationship with regina can easily be described and seen as an effect of that: she’s insecure, and so she seeks out regina’s love and attention and admiration, even if it means bringing other people down. even if it means destroying something else. and this is magnified even further once you view gretchen as a young girl of color. she would do ANYTHING to receive validation from her white peers. to feel like she fits in. the line “mama called be beautiful, don’t believe her anymore” hits even harder within this context. teenage girls of color (especially in predominantly white areas) are told and shown that they’re not beautiful. that they’re not worthy. by their white peers, whether it’s deliberate or not. so gretchen seeking this sort of thing out from regina, from cady etc all stems back to the fact that she’s not comfortable in herself. she begins with regina, realizes regina doesn’t actually value her as a person, and yet keeps going back. she continues with cady, realizes cady doesn’t value her as a person, and yet keeps going back. this cycle she puts herself in is all influenced by the fact that she’s insecure of course, but most importantly, that she’s a woman of color who has been told/shown for most of her life that she isn’t good enough

my one brain cell: gretchen gay abd autistic

[mightiermarvel]

Alright I've piqued, I no longer need to spend money on wrestling merch anymore

[lallyloo]

GMM recap 2023

[cowboy-robooty]

banging my head into a wall trying to make friends as a dms guy when everybody else in the world likes talking through posts.

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

My sister says that whenever I watch her dogs, they get all spoiled. In reality I just don’t yell at them when they bark, I just let them go off. Like yeah bark at the door with no one there, get em!

[sachermorte]

you said you were at another camp last week? did you have fun?

some guy born and raised out in salzburg-land told me that when I complain I sound like falco

[blujayonthewing]

7, 9, 11, 14 for Felix! [Shaking him like a magic 8 ball]

[cowbell rattling sfx]

7. favorite animal? why?

you know, thinking about it, I feel like this is one of the things we have in common lol-- how are you supposed to pick A definitive favorite animal?? there are so many good animals and they all have completely different merits!

he definitely has a soft spot for squirrels, having grown up with a lot of them around all the time. he really likes crows and pigeons; they're clever and friendly, tremendous gossips, and crows especially tend to have a great sense of humor. he also has a soft spot for rats, for a lot of personal reasons but also just because they're surprisingly intelligent and sweet. and all memeing aside, he really is a pretty major cat guy

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

to say he 'hates' fish is sort of an understatement; for one thing, he hates fish the same way most westerners hate spiders? which is to say it doesn't even parse as food at all, and the idea of eating it is gross on principle. but also seafood stinks and also (alive) fish are so slimy just-- WHY would you--!! he CANNOT with seafood on so many levels, lmao. he is generally sort of a picky eater-- not because he's particularly fussy, actually, he just has a couple of really strong textural aversions :\ he can't do cooked mushrooms at all (frustrating, there's a lot of mushroom in gnomish cuisine), he has trouble with marbled red meat and would rather just avoid it than fuss with it, he's very particular about eggs, etc

he likes apples, especially if they're really crisp. he likes a good grill cheese, which is maybe more of a comfort food than a 'favorite' food per se. There are definitely very traditional forest gnomish foods like spider or rabbit that he doesn't get to have much anymore, and misses whenever he's in the city for a long stretch of time; he does probably have a distinct favorite food, but I'm not sure exactly what it is yet, haha

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

LET'S SEE. he loves animals and being outdoors; he draws, and carries a sketchbook (I do this rather less than I used to lol I need to get back into the habit). he's really curious about everything and loves learning and figuring things out. he really likes people and being around people, but doesn't feel like he knows how to interact with others-- he's much worse at people than I am, but we very much share a love of hanging around with other people without being expected or required to be the center of attention or 'participate' in something per se. he's very tactile, although he doesn't act on it as much as I do. he's got a non-zero number of Issues that were not intentional projection but coincidentally ended up aligning with some of my issues, which I'm not going to detail too much, partly to not tell on myself and partly because I'm trying to leave some things for justin to find out organically at the table as a fellow player, lol

he's DEFINITELY more proactive and adventurous than I am. a crucial difference is that he's not ruled by fear of embarrassment-- he's absolutely not immune to embarrassment by any means, he just doesn't let it stop him. on a couple superficial notes, I love seafood the most lmao, and felix does not like dogs. he would love big complex board games and hate ttrpgs (roleplaying would make him too nervous) :') for all my awkwardness, I very often have Can't Shut Up Disease, but he's pretty reserved, thinks a lot of thoughts but generally tries to keep them to himself, and even gets completely silent if he's stressed out enough

we would get along so well it's ridiculous lmao. I can forgive him about the dogs if he can forgive me about the sushi

14. are they any good with numbers?

yeah, I think so! he's got a good memory and a good mind for logic and problem-solving; he doesn't know any advanced mathematics or anything but he's generally Good With Numbers

ask about my OCs :3

[the-witchhunter]

So in VHF Wierd Al’s character makes a Twinkie wiener sandwich, which is a hotdog on a Twinkie with American spray cheese. I decided to make one as a goof figuring I’d still have hotdogs and Twinkies I could eat separately after

I have now eaten 6 and I hate myself

[sleepysick]

()()()()()()()()

[candysunoo]

ೋ◦ ❀❀ enhypen as a

bridgerton story ❀❀ ◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦dearest gentle-reader ◦ೋ•

❀my name is lady whistledown. you do not know me, and rest assured, you never shall. but be forewarned dear reader, I certainly know you.❀

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❀ now, before we shall begin dear gentle-reader there is something you must know. this author has no rights to the Bridgerton stories/ series. thus all of the following are loosely based on them. this author also does not know any of the boys personally; and thus this is not an accurate portrayal or representation of them and their lively hood. thank you in advance dearest gentle-reader. please enjoy. sincerely, your lady whistledown (aka kei ;D) ❀

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Lee Heeseung - Queen Charlotte ❀❀◦ೋ• 18+ MDNI

❀❀❀ King Lee Heeseung, 3rd of his name, the ruler of Great Britain and Ireland, your new husband.

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❀❀❀ When your tiny island kingdom falls apart under the scrutiny of the large countries around it your brother has no choice but to marry you off. Marry you off to none other than the King of Great Britain and Ireland. Lee Heesesung ascended the throne young after his father tragically died. Years after finally coming of age, his mother decides it’s time for him to marry and produce the next heir, despite his covertly concealed mental illness. When you arrive it seems as nothing can go your way. From mistakingly talking down to the king after being caught trying to run away, to what was supposed to be your honeymoon night your ladies maid explained. But must you know dearest reader, that love does indeed conquer all and secrets don’t stay secrets for long.

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: may 22nd, 2024❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: strangers - to kinda friends- to lovers, traditional gender roles, 1700’s societal expectations, arranged/ forced marriage, bitchy mother-in-law, mentions of parental death, mentions of mental health and feeling like an outsider, medical malpractice, mention of feeling unloved and trapped in a marriage, SMUT, sex (lots of it), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, put that wiener in a blanket), breeding kink , praise, mention of pregnancy and birth, angst and fluff, idiots in love, MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: 11.8k ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Park Jongseong - The Duke & I ❀❀◦ೋ• 18+ MDNI

❀❀❀ Park Jongseong aka Jay, first of his name, The Duke of Hastings.

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Dearest gentle reader, haven’t you heard? The honorable l/n family is finally debuting the oldest daughter. A vision of beauty, just as her mother was, any young man would be happy to have her on his arm.

That being said being the eldest daughter of eight children can be tough. Especially as you are now of age to enter society. It was exhausting really, the trips to the modieste for the hours of standing for the dropping of hems and the countless arguments between your eldest brother, the head of the family, and your mother. After your father died your brother had become especially protective of you and your other siblings; much to the dismay of your mother. The protectiveness only gets worse when you catch the eye of not only the queen but also a certain Duke who is determined to stay out of the clawing hands of desperate mamas and their daughters.

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: June 08th, 2024 ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: fake dating- to true love, traditional gender roles, 1700’s/1800’s societal expectations, mention of childhood trauma, mention of parental death, small mention of attempted assault (nothing graphic y/n gets forcibly kissed, it does not go into detail), retired manwhore jay, anxiety, traditional courting, mention of fighting/ light violence, forced to married - destined to stay, mention of having children, lies of omission, SMUT, corruption kink, virgin y/n, jay talking you through it, wet dreams, MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Sim Jaeyun - Romancing Mr. Bridgerton ❀❀◦ೋ•

❀❀❀ Sim Jaeyun aka Jake, first of his name, 3rd eldest son of his family, and your longtime friend and crush.

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Dearest gentle-reader, ever since the successful seasons of not only his older brothers but sisters as well all eyes have fallen on the 3rd eldest son of the Sim family. Will this be the season he finds a presentable young lady to hold him down to the mainland; or will he end up on yet another voyage across the sea?

Ever since you can remember you have been friends Sim Hyunjin, the middle daughter of the Sim family. Also since you can remember you have had a massive crush on her younger brother Jaeyun, or as he liked to be called Jake. Everyone who knew you knew that you were nothing less than a soft, quiet, wallflower. Always sticking close to the edge of the room, alone and watching the courting couples dance the night away. Jake was always so kind in that regard; pulling you away from the wall and to the dance floor but never letting it get further. Never officially courting you or even giving you the curtesy of signing your dance card. However when you overhear a conversation not meant for you everything changes. Will Jake be too late to fix what he had broken?

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: ft. Loossemble/ Loona’s Kim Hyunjin as his sister (they share the same birthday lol), friends- to strangers/ acquaintances- to friends again- to lovers, traditional gender roles, 1700’s-1800’s societal expectations, mentions of hard family situations, mentions of feeling alone and like an outsider, reader gets called names (by Jake he doesn’t really mean it?), flirting, jealousy, heartbreak, fights between friends, POSSIBLE SMUT I HAVEN’T DECIDED YET, MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Park Sunghoon - The Viscount who Loved Me ❀❀◦ೋ• 18+ MDNI

❀❀❀ Park Sunghoon, first of his name, eldest child of his family, The Viscount. The bane of your existence.

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Dearest gentle-reader, after the ever successful season of his younger sister last year Park Sunghoon has declared himself available to be wed. Making him the most desirable young gentleman of this season. May we wish luck to the other young men, as the nagging mamas and their equally difficult daughters shall be all over the Viscount.

Being the eldest son of a prestigious family was no walk in the park. Especially for Park Sunghoon who had taken over as the head of his family after his father’s tragic death. After the past year his mama had been insistent on him marring. Especially after she found out about a certain opera singer and the way he funded her lifestyle. Entering the marriage market his wasn’t looking for love. He was looking for a woman with at least half a head on her shoulders and child- bearing hips. No need for anything else. He just needed a wife. You and your sister had just arrived in town, sponsored by an old family friend to join this marriage season. Staying with Lady Lee Chae-rin was nothing less than a dream. She was kind and understanding towards you, your sister and your mother. Strong willed and outspoken you were determined to find someone for your sister to wed, if not for her, for your entire family. However what happens when alls not fair in love and war?

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: TBD❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: enemies- to lovers, mention of parental death, traditional gender roles, 1700’s-1800’s societal expectations, arguments, extortion(not by Sunghoon or reader), mentions of family issues, shitty grandparents, rushed engagement, technical cheating (Sunghoon is with readers sister), angst to fluff, Sunghoon is a world class rake, breaking off an engagement SMUT, hate sex, light degradation, some praise, public sex (in a private garden no one else is there)❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Kim Sunoo - An offer from a Gentleman ❀❀◦ೋ• 18+ MDNI

❀❀❀ Kim Sunoo, first of his name, the 2nd son of his prestigious family, an artist, and perhaps your Prince Charming?

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Dearest gentle-reader, love has a funny way of finding its way around the ‘ton. Of course, when there are so many eligible young men and women how could it not? This author happens to think that one of the eligible young men of the ‘ton may find love where he least expects it. Or rather with whom unexpected love comes with.

When your mother died it felt as if the warmth of the universe had gone with her. The flowers no longer grew and the wind no longer sang a tune as it blew. As you approached the age of your debute into society you had some hope. However it was all crushed into small bits when your father married Seo Minhae. The literal devil in disguise. After that her and her ill-mannered daughter moved into and made you a servant in your own home. Pushed out of your room and into the basement, forced to do housework and cook you were treated as nothing. Finally reaching your breaking point you snuck out of the house. Finding yourself at a masquerade ball and in the arms of a tall, slim, dark haired man. Feeling like royalty and like you were on top of the world you had the night of your life. That is until the clock struck midnight.

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: strangers- to lovers, Cinderella type content, traditional gender roles, 1700’s - 1800’s societal expectations, mention of parental death, awful evil stepmother and step sisters, running away, slight escapism, mention of depression and slight religious imagery, masquerade ball, reader is implied to be shorter than Sunoo, abrupt abandonment, angst and fluff, SMUT, soft sex, unprotected sex( wrap it before you tap it, put that wiener in a blanket), praise, dirty talk, overall sweet and fluffy, MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ Yang Jungwon - It’s in His Kiss ❀❀◦ೋ•

❀❀❀ Yang Jungwon, first of his name, an entitled aristocrat just like the rest; but could there possibly be more lurking underneath his greed for inheritance?

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Dearest gentle-reader, the time has come for the youngest daughter of the l/n family to make her debut into society. Though between you and I founder has it that the youngest of the l/n family is too much to handle when it comes to romance. Loud and outspoken one can only hope the youngest will find someone suitable for her.

Yang Jungwon was the eldest child in his family. He was born for greatness. He planned his whole life as he seen fit on the promise of his inheritance. You however were the youngest daughter, loud, outspoken, intelligent and brash. Yang Jungwon could hardly stand you. That is until he needs your help of course. After his father has taken over the family’s business and title he didn’t seem to want to give it up. Yang Jungwon didn’t know what to do with himself. After all what grounds does his father have to deny him his birthright? Finding a journal from his long dead grandfather, Jungwon finds himself in a bind; the journal is written in an entirely different language and could possibly hold the solution for his predicament. However, the only person he knows who can remotely translate it, even if it’s not perfect, is you. The one person his calm and quiet self can not stand to be around for long periods of time.

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: acquaintances- to friends- to lovers, shitty parents, mention of parental death, Jungwon is technically an orphan, threats of disinheriting, mean comments (towards reader not by jungwon), reader is a bit much for Jungwon at times, overall fluffy, heavy petting, make out session, LIGHT SMUT( nothing too in depth just an after scene) MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹

♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹

ೋ◦ ❀❀ Nishimura Riki - On the way to the Wedding ❀❀◦ೋ•

❀❀❀ Nishimura Riki aka Niki, first of his name, the youngest son in his family, trapped between the glamorous dream of love at first sight and the harshness of reality.

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Dearest gentle-reader, do you know that true love conquers all? Well this season we are in for a treat, the youngest of the Nishimura family finally has plans on marrying. This old author can’t help but wonder what shenanigans this season will hold.

Nishimura Riki was the youngest of eight children. He had grown up watching all of his sibling find true and meaningful relationships. That was all he wanted for himself. Riki believed in love at first sight. Especially when he saw her Danielle Marsh, your best friend. When his gaze first saw her it was as if he had been struck with Cupid’s arrow. It went so deep in his heart he couldn’t breathe, the entire world was stopped as he watched her from afar. However that didn’t last for long as he witnessed her approach another man, fluttering her eyelashes and giggling at him.

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ೋ◦ ❀❀ expected release date: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ chapter content warning: love triangle, love at first sight, unrequited love- to true love, idiots in love, “let me help you help her”, breaking up engagements, mentions of family issues, love confessions in a garden, heavy petting make out session, ‼️NO SMUT‼️, angst with happy ending, MORE TO BE ADDED ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ word count: TBD ❀❀◦ೋ•

ೋ◦ ❀❀ link to read here! ❀❀◦ೋ•

♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹ ♡ ₊˚⊹

❀ i hope you all look forward to reading the stories! i‘ll update the content warnings as i finish the stories! please ignore any mistakes i may have made as i will start to go through and correct them! also ignore the bad formatting i did it on mobile 😭 - kei ❀

❀ a taglist has been created you can find that post here! that is the current standing of who will be tagged in the first post. feel free to ask to be added by commenting or sending an ask/ message! ❀

‼️‼️ ©️ @candysunoo 2024 DO NOT copy, repost or translate without permission ‼️‼️

[manysad]

Ok I just realized something stupid

So sometimes kids shows have a plot where one or more characters discover coffee and the power of caffeine

But

But

Is the caffeine content in your average espresso really that much more than you’ll get in any given soda? A drink that most children have once in a while if not frequently? And even if it has less caffeine it’ll have a shitton of sugar making up / rocketing past the difference

Is this like a generational thing

Writers drawing from their experiences of being children finding about coffee and not having ever had any sort of stimulant beforehand whereas any average child born after 1980 or before 1920 had basically free access to heart-stopping quantities of drugs

[fluentmoviequoter]

A Manly Guard Dog

Requested Here!

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!wife!reader

Summary: You've been asking your husband for a dachshund, but he tells you that you need a manly dog. When the K9 unit gets a new recruit, Tim reevaluates his view of dachshunds.

Warnings: teasing/banter, pure fluff

Word Count: 1.2k+ words

Masterlist | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

“Tim?” you whisper over your dimmed phone screen. “Are you asleep?”

“That depends,” your husband Tim answers. “Why?”

“Look at this.”

“I’m asleep.”

You roll your eyes at his poor attempt to avoid talking to you, even though it is the middle of the night and he has to be at the station in the morning. Despite feeling bad for waking him up, you know he’s awake and need to ask him something important.

“Tim, it hurts,” you add.

“What hurts?” he asks as he sits up quickly. After he pushes up onto his hands, Tim leans toward you and reaches over you to turn on the lamp on your nightstand.

“Look,” you repeat, extending your phone toward Tim so he can see the dog on the screen. “It hurts because I don’t have one of my own.”

“A dachshund? We’re back to this again?” Tim asks incredulously.

“Tim, I want a dog.” Your words are emphasized by your pout, but Tim only grunts as he turns the light off and lies down again.

“If we ever get a dog - big if,” Tim murmurs, “it has to be a manly dog. One that can protect you when I’m not here.”

“We can train a dachshund to be a guard dog,” you argue. “They’re vigilant, loyal, vocal, and easy to train. Tim, it would be perfect and so cute!”

Tim tosses an arm over your waist and kisses your temple before he responds, “Go to sleep.”

As you move closer to him to do just that, he whispers, “I love you, but we’re not getting a wiener dog.”

“Tim, Tim, Tim!” Lucy calls as Tim exits the locker room the following morning. “Oh, you’re not going to believe this.”

“Then don’t tell me,” Tim deadpans.

“So, there’s a new K9, right?” Lucy begins as they walk toward the bullpen.

“And you’re telling me.”

“The trainer brought Officer Fuzz over. Cutest name ever, I know. But when we heard that they were working with a new breed we thought it would be a husky or something. It’s not. It’s so much better. Guess what it is, Tim!”

Tim stops in the middle of the bullpen. A crowd of officers surrounds the K9 trainer, and between two cops, Tim can barely make out the shape of…

“A dachshund?” Tim asks loudly.

“Yes!” Lucy cheers. “Isn’t it awesome?!”

“I can’t believe this.”

“C’mon,” Lucy urges, pulling Tim along by his arm. “Meet Officer Fuzz.”

Tim squats to pet the friendly dog and shakes his head at the tiny K9 vest he’s wearing.

“Nice to meet you, Fuzz,” Tim mumbles. “My wife’s never going to let me hear the end of this, pal.”

“Bradford,” Wade calls from the other side of the circle. “How would you like to take them out for a ride along?”

Tim stands as the trainer adds, “I’d love to join one of the best officers in the field to test Officer Fuzz’s progress.”

“Sure,” Tim answers through gritted teeth. “But are dachshunds really worth anything in a job like this?”

The trainer and Officer Fuzz follow Tim toward his shop, and Tim can’t help but watch the small dog walk happily through the station on his first day.

“If they’re trained right, they certainly can. They’re bred to hunt badgers by tracking scents and entering their burrows. A lot of those skills translate to police dog responsibilities. Basically, because of their intimidating bark, alertness, devotion, braveness and stubbornness - courtesy of their hunting instincts - they’re perfect. Fuzz here can scare a suspect or locate bombs, drugs, you name it.”

“Scare suspects until they see him, you mean,” Tim points out.

“Well, Bradford. Let’s test your theory.”

“LAPD!” Tim yells. “On the ground!”

Behind him, Officer Fuzz barks.

“Is that a dog?” the suspect attempting to steal a sports car asks. “Your car doesn’t say K9.”

“Show me your hands and drop to your knees!” Tim repeats. “Or I can call my K9 partner over here.”

The man seems to weigh his options, then drops his tool and raises his hands over his head.

“Scared of dogs?” Tim asks.

“Police dogs are crazy dangerous, man. Scared is smart, that’s what my-“

“I don’t care who said it,” Tim interjects before he begins reciting the Miranda rights.

When Tim opens the back door of his car, Officer Fuzz growls lowly before barking once.

“Whoa! I’m not sitting by that thing!”

“See the barrier? That’s for your safety, not ours,” Tim says. “Now get in.”

At lunch, Tim pulls his phone from his pocket and begins to type. He hesitates, however, and looks away before he can finish the search.

“Chen!” he calls, waving for Lucy to join him. “Where can I adopt a dachshund?”

Lucy’s eyes widen in excitement before she asks, “You’re getting a dog?!”

“I’m getting my wife a dog.”

“Because of Officer Fuzz,” Lucy states (not asks).

“No,” Tim defends. “No, I just… Dachshunds are a good option for family pets and protection.”

“Which you know because of Officer-“

“Fine, yes,” Tim admits quickly. “Do you know where I can adopt one or not?”

“Maybe you should ask the K9 trainers,” Lucy suggests. “They’ll know where to get a good one.”

“Thanks, Lucy.”

“Sure thing.” Lucy stands to return to her partner, but not before she says, “And I’m glad you’re finally listening to your wife.”

“No, quiet,” Tim commands. “Good. Now, sit.”

“Tim?” you call from the front door.

“Uh, one second!” Tim calls.

He sounds frazzled, and you walk toward his voice before you stop. Tim is whispering to someone, but you can’t make out what he’s saying before the bedroom door opens.

“Hi,” you greet. “Are you okay?”

“You’re home early,” he replies, gripping the doorknob tightly.

You glance at the time on your phone and say, “No, I’m not.”

Tim’s brows furrow as he looks at his watch. He nods, then laughs and locks eyes with you.

“Am I interrupting something?” you ask.

“No, well, yes, but no.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Tim sighs and reaches toward you. You don’t hesitate to step forward and lay your hand on his. With his hand wrapped around yours, Tim leads you into the bedroom, and inside, a brown blur races toward you.

“Tim!” you exclaim as the long-haired dachshund puts its front paws on your leg and wags its tail happily. “A dachshund!”

“Canis lupus familiarias. The K9 trainer that helped me out told me all about them,” he explains.

“Is he…” You trail off, unprepared to hear a negative answer.

“He’s ours,” Tim answers happily. “He’s already been obedience trained and I’m going to work with him to create the smallest but mightiest guard dog you’ve ever seen.”

You pull the dog into your arms and hug him kindly before you lean against Tim’s chest.

“Thank you,” you whisper, looking into Tim’s eyes.

“Sorry I said no for so long.”

“What changed your mind?”

Tim doesn’t answer, and you turn your attention to your new pet, or guard dog as Tim introduced him to you.

“Was it Lucy? I bet it was Lucy,” you whisper to the dog.

“It was Officer Fuzz,” Tim grumbles, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“Officer who?”

“New K9 who I’m sure you’ll meet next time you visit the station.”

“I love you.”

Tim kisses your head before he asks, “Wait, me or the dog?”