#that we must do Life Things
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even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.
they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!
when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.
if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.
at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.
it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.
but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.
and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."
it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.
someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.
more often for me, life was a drowning.
#warm up#spilled ink#writeblr#it's hard to explain bc i do like the acceptance but it's like the ocd thing#autism is . an entire neurotype. yes we get 'cool autism powers' but we mostly say that#for OUR sake. on the autism website.#the cool autism powers do come with like. quality of life problems.#girl being in a room with LEDs gives me a headache. so you can kind of imagine how that might#in some way#influence my ability to function#will defend self diagnosis to the death as long as it is CLEAR AND LEGITIMATE. not like.#oooo i struggle talking 2 women i must be autistic#girl what. i struggle with the act of TALKING.
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here we go :) part one of three, updates to be released weekly!
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sam says 4 (game master cinematic universe, part 3)
Ruby was at her mum's for a family dinner she couldn't miss on pain of death, apparently, and the Doctor was many things, but a family dinner kind of guy wasn't one of them—particularly when Carla had already slapped him once in the short time he'd known her. He thought he'd broken his streak of bad luck with mums, but… well, seemingly not. So he was companionless for a few hours, and while he could wait for her to get back, maybe catch up on his reading—what was the point of waiting when you had a time machine?
He ran his hands over the TARDIS console, marvelling at her clean lines and metallic flourishes, the way that even now she felt brand new but familiar, and paused. He’d just pop off for a quick adventure, nothing too dangerous, but—where to go?
He could scan for a distress call nearby, and pitch in to help. He could drop in on Donna and Shaun and Rose, beautiful Rose, and see how they were all doing. Or he could just hit the randomiser button, and jump in feet first wherever he ended up.
He remembered a conversation from a long time ago, when he wore a different face, and his gorgeous TARDIS wore a face too, for the first and only time.
“You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.”
“No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”
He grinned. Who could resist an offer like that? He pressed the button and whooped as the time rotor spun into action, ready to see where the universe would take him.
---
Apparently, he was needed pretty close to where he already was. Earth, 2024. Huh. Same planet, same time—within a few months of where he’d left Ruby, even. The main thing that had changed was the location: he was now in the good old US of A. California, to be more specific, and Los Angeles to be more specific still. And to really narrow it down, the Doctor discovered as he poked his head out of the TARDIS doors, he was in… a broom closet. Not bad, as a parking spot—a bit squeezy, but out of the way. And as he poked his head out of that door, he could finally see he was in the backstage corridors of a studio of some kind. Film or TV, if he was to hazard a guess, it was a different vibe from Abbey Road.
With a shrug, he decided to go exploring.
It couldn’t have been more than a minute before a young woman wearing the full-black outfit, headset, and permanently stressed expression of a production assistant came running up to him.
“Are you the fill-in Sam organised?” she asked breathlessly, and honestly, seeing the look on her face, the Doctor didn’t have the heart(s) to tell her no. And really, what was the Doctor, if not a professional fill-in? This, this was why he had a randomiser button on the control panel, because whatever he was about to get himself into was going to be fun.
“Sure!”
“Oh, thank god,” sighed the production assistant, relief dawning across her face. “When Ally tested positive this morning, I thought we were sunk for the record, because we called around and we couldn’t get a hold of anyone. But then Sam said he could get someone in, and, you know, here you are, and just in time, so—ah, yeah, if you could follow me this way?”
Smiling all the way, the Doctor followed his guide through to hair and makeup, looking around as they went. The studio seemed to belong to a company called Dropout, according to the branding scattered around, and things seemed, at least on the surface, to be… well. Fine. He couldn't tell why he'd been brought here yet, which meant that when he found the reason, it was going to be particularly tangled. He couldn't wait!
And then he looked back at his guide, still engulfed in a miasma of anxiety, and realised he'd been too busy looking for clues to notice the person right in front of him.
“Hey, it's cool, you've found me,” he started with a gentle smile. “You can relax. Hi, I'm the Doctor. What's your name?”
“Oh!” she said, startled. “The Doctor, yeah, of course. Um, hi, I'm Kaylin. Look, sorry, it's just that I've been so busy this morning, I'm so distracted… Shit, and I would've completely forgotten to get your details too. There's paperwork to fill in, but you can do that later. Um, just for now, though, can I get your pronouns?”
The Doctor thought for a moment. “He/him, for now.”
Kaylin nodded, making a note on her phone. “Okay, cool! And do you have any socials?”
“Not me, babes,” he replied. “I'm hardly sitting down long enough to be able to update, you know?”
“On a day like this, I know exactly what you mean,” she said. “That's okay, Lou didn't have socials either for the longest time. Right, so if you go through there, the team will get you sorted, and once you're done, someone will take you up to the greenroom. All good?”
“All great,” the Doctor replied. Kaylin flashed him a quick, relieved smile, then hurried off.
Hair and makeup was a fairly quick process, the sound mixer fitted him with a microphone, and before too long, Kaylin was back to take him upstairs.
“This is the greenroom,” she said, pushing the door open. “The rest of the cast for the episode are already here—they’re great guys, and they’ve both been on the show a lot, so they’ll be able to help if you’ve got questions. And if you need anything else, just come find me or any of the other PAs, okay?”
The Doctor nodded, beamed at Kaylin, and walked in.
---
The greenroom was small but comfortable, and its occupants, two men around the same age as the Doctor appeared, looked up as he entered.
“Oh, you’re new,” the taller of the pair said, clearly giving him the once-over.
The other sighed with a mixture of fondness and exasperation, just as clearly used to his friend’s antics.
“Hey, I’m Brennan,” he said, levering himself up to standing from his perch on a chair arm, and holding out a hand. “That’s Grant.”
The Doctor took it warmly. “The Doctor. Just passing through, and happy to help.”
Grant’s eyebrows quirked. “Doctor… something?” he prompted.
“Or is it just ‘the Doctor’?” Brennan asked.
“Just ‘the Doctor’,” the Time Lord confirmed cheerfully. “You’ll get used to it, everyone does.”
Grant didn’t look convinced, but—
“Copy that,” Brennan shrugged, and settled back on the arm of the chair, returning his gaze to the door.
Grant, in turn, looked at the Doctor and rolled his eyes in a clear expression of ‘no, I don’t know why he’s like this, either’.
“Okay,” the Doctor said after a moment of watching the watching. “I wasn’t going to ask, but now I think I have to. What’s up with the door?”
Brennan huffed a laugh. “Well, the last time there was one of those up—” he pointed to the Out of Order sign stuck to the bathroom door, “—we got locked in here for the game.”
“He’s paranoid,” Grant interjected.
“Well, yeah, maybe,” Brennan retorted. “Or just cautious. Because Sam’s been acting weird lately, and we’re coming up to the last few records of the season, so he’s probably planning something way out of the box for the finale. And the original cast was you, me and Beardsley, so…”
He shrugged one shoulder meaningfully, and Grant nodded, conceding both the point and the potential for chaos.
“So if Sam comes in to give us the briefing, rather than waiting til we’re on set,” Brennan continued, “or there’s anything else weird going on, I’m gonna know about it right from the beginning.”
He turned to the Doctor. “The only reason I'm not quizzing you is because I know for a fact Beardsley was genuinely scheduled for this, so you can't be a plant by the production team. No offence.”
“None taken,” the Doctor smiled. “That sort of thing happen often, does it?”
Grant and Brennan exchanged a look.
“More than you'd think,” Grant answered with a grimace.
“Alright,” the Doctor said slowly, then brightened. “So what is it we're actually doing?”
Grant gave him a disbelieving glance. “You don't know—?”
“Very last minute fill-in,” the Doctor said breezily. “But don't worry, I'm a quick study.”
“Well, you're not that much worse off than the rest of us,” Brennan said encouragingly. “You know about Game Changer, obviously, if you know Sam, and we only find out the rules of the game once we get on set. Hopefully,” he added, with a dark look back at the Out of Order sign.
The Doctor nodded. No, he didn't know Sam, and he didn't know Game Changer, but he could work out the situation from context clues. This was a game show. And with the Toymaker banished, and Satellite Five not coming into existence for another 198000 years, give or take, he found himself smiling. Maybe third time would be the charm.
“Mmm, hopefully they aren't going to throw you in the deep end,” Grant said. “Because Brennan might seem lovely now, but as soon as we get out there, he's a whore for points. He'll stab you in the back and won't even blink.”
Brennan barked with laughter. “Yeah, and you wouldn't?”
“Excuse you, I'm always a goddamn delight,” Grant replied, the very picture of injured dignity.
“Oh, absolutely!” agreed a new voice. The Doctor turned to the now-open door to see a bearded man in a pinstriped suit smiling broadly. “That's why we keep inviting you back!”
Grant bowed sarcastically. “Why, thank you, Sam. Good to know I'm appreciated by someone here.”
“Always,” Sam replied, gently but firmly ending that particular path of the conversation. He scanned the room, and his eyes lit up when they landed on the Doctor.
“Ah, you must be the Doctor!” he said with obvious delight, walking over with his hand outstretched. “I'm Sam—thanks for filling in for us, you've made sure we're going to have a good show. Seriously, it's a pleasure to have you here.”
“Aw, cheers!” the Doctor smiled, shaking the offered hand. “Glad I could help out, I'm really looking forward to this!”
“Well, great!” Sam exclaimed, then took a step back, regarding all three players in turn. “Now, folks, I'm just letting you know that we're just about ready to start the record, so if you can start heading down, that'd be great.”
Grant and Brennan nodded—Brennan, the Doctor noticed, with relief.
“See you down there,” Sam said, smiling. “Have a great show, and—”
His eyes caught on the Doctor's for a second, twinkling.
“Good luck.”
---
Backstage, the Doctor, Brennan and Grant were marshalled into podium order and given a final briefing from the crew. And then, with a thumbs-up from Kaylin, that was it.
Showtime.
“Get ready for a Game Changer!” came Sam's voice from onstage. “Tonight’s guests: he can shoot off a monologue with laser accuracy; it’s Brennan Lee Mulligan!”
Brennan, his back to the camera as the curtains opened, spun on his heel and, with a stone-cold expression, pointed finger guns straight down the barrel, before letting the facade crack open. “Hi!” he exclaimed, and walked over to the leftmost podium.
“It’s his first appearance, but he’s already on fire; it’s the Doctor!”
The Doctor leant against the archway to the stage and flashed a broad smile towards the camera, then in a few skipping steps, had bounded over to the next free podium. What the hell, why not make an entrance?
“And even in the toughest of mazes, you’ll always be able to find him; it’s Grant O’Brien!”
Grant dipped his lanky frame into an approximation of a curtsey, spreading his arms wide, then sauntered over to the closest podium with a grin.
“And your host, me!” Sam announced, a ring of manic white showing around his irises as he beamed down the barrel of the camera. “I’ve been here the whole time!”
“This,” he continued, pushing his microphone shut and stowing it in his jacket pocket, “is Game Changer, the only game show where the game changes every show. I am your host, Sam Reich!”
As he said his name, he looked at his hands, front and back, as if he was pleasantly surprised to be himself, then gestured towards the three podiums.
“I am joined today by these three lovely contestants! Now, you understand how the game works.”
“Of course not,” Grant started. “You know we don't.”
“We can't, Sam, that's the whole point of the theatre you've set up here,” Brennan said over him.
“Not yet,” was all the Doctor said, anticipation starting to drum a tattoo of excitement against the inside of his ribcage.
“That’s right!” Sam said brightly, shooting finger guns at the camera. “Our players have no idea what game it is they’re about to play. The only way to learn is by playing. The only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning! So without further ado, let’s begin by giving each of our players fifty points.”
The Doctor, biding his time, watched the reactions of his fellow contestants. Grant looked at the front of his podium, checking the point total, and nodding approvingly when he saw that yes, it was sitting at a round fifty. Brennan, on the other hand, was starting to frown.
“Players, Sam says: touch your nose,” Sam began, and Brennan sighed the sigh of someone who wasn’t happy to be proved right.
“Oh, no,” he groaned. “Oh, you son of a bitch. Wasn’t one this season enough?”
He touched his nose anyway, as did the others, and Sam smiled encouragingly. “Sam says: touch your ear.”
When they all did, Sam nodded. “Touch your other ear.”
Everybody held still, fingers on the ears they had originally touched.
Sam beamed. “Easy, players, right?”
“You say that now,” Brennan said darkly. “Which makes it worse, because all you're doing is setting us up for failure.”
Sam gasped, pretending offence. “Would I do that?”
“Yes,” Brennan and Grant replied in unison, which drew a grin from the Doctor and set Sam off chuckling.
“And I'm not having it,” Brennan continued, leaning his elbows against his podium and pointing at Sam with the hand not touching his ear. “You better watch yourself, because I know how this game works, and you're not going to get one over on me.”
“Strong words, Brennan!” Sam said, clearly delighted by this response. “Okay, then, let's start making things a bit more interesting!”
The game continued as per Sam Says usual, some rounds done as a group and some individual. Points were won, sure, but lost slightly more frequently, and even the Doctor found he was having to concentrate to avoid getting caught in the host's traps.
It was fun. Genuinely, it was like playing a game with friends, and the Doctor felt himself leaning into it. There wasn't any sign of danger—maybe there wasn't a mystery to solve at all, and the TARDIS just decided he needed a total break.
Well, probably not. But the way things were going, he was able to let himself hope.
“Alright, players,” Sam said a good few rounds in, just as pleasantly as he would start any other question, and the screen behind him dinged as a new prompt popped up. “Survive the death beam.”
For a second, everything was frozen perfectly still.
And then came the crash, the explosive noise of heavy machinery moving relentlessly through a drywall set.
The Doctor was already moving. “Everyone down!”
“Duck!” Brennan yelled at the same time.
The two of them hit the ground within milliseconds of each other, but Grant was still paralysed in the face of the giant, science-fiction type laser cannon that had just ploughed through the wall.
It whined ominously, screaming its way to fever pitch. And then a sharp pain in Grant’s ankle made him stagger, pitching forwards onto the carpet behind the podiums as the Doctor rolled away to avoid getting pinned.
“Sorry, babes,” the Doctor whispered. “But it was either kick you to get you down, or—”
A hideous metallic screech ripped through the air, and all three of them could feel the crackle of ozone as a beam of energy swept across what had, moments ago, been neck height.
“…Or that,” the Doctor finished with a grimace.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Grant breathed, suddenly very conscious of every inch of his 6’9 frame. “Thanks.”
“Well done, players!” Sam exclaimed delightedly from above them. “But… sorry, I didn’t say ‘Sam says’, so that’s a point off for everyone.”
“What the fuck!” Brennan snapped.
“Are you actually insane?” Grant demanded at the same time, his voice overlapping with Brennan’s.
In response, Sam just wheezed with laughter. “You can come back to your podiums,” he said, cheerfully ignoring them.
Nobody moved.
“Very good!” he acknowledged, and even without seeing his face, the grin was obvious in his voice. “Okay, Sam says: come back to your podiums.”
Although the words were innocuous, and his tone was just as light and breezy as usual, there was nevertheless an edge hiding just underneath the surface. And while the death beam loomed large in the minds of all three players, it was impossible to consider disobedience as an option.
Slowly, they stood, returning to their places. Now they had the time to look at it properly, the death beam was even more sinister, and Brennan and Grant both kept flicking nervous glances its way, ready to move if it looked like it was charging up again.
The Doctor, however, was focused purely on the man standing in front of them. Unbothered, Sam met his gaze like a challenge, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.
“Oh, you’ll love this one,” he said, and the screen changed. “Sam says, starting with Grant: say my name.”
Grant frowned in confusion, but answered quickly nonetheless. “Sam Reich?”
The man himself shrugged tolerantly, moving on. “Brennan?”
Brennan just stared at him coolly. “Do you take me for a fool?”
“Well caught, Brennan!” Sam said happily. “Sam says: say my name.”
“Sam,” Brennan replied, suspicion clear in his voice. “Samuel Dalton Reich.”
He nodded, still with a hint of indifference. “And lastly, Doctor.” His smile broadened. “Sam says: say my name.”
It was easy. Too easy. And as the Doctor looked into the eyes of the man calling himself Sam Reich, he felt his hearts stutter in recognition, because something had changed. He wasn’t hiding himself anymore, and while the face was different yet again, the Doctor would know the shape of that soul anywhere. It was impossible. It was inevitable.
“You can’t be,” he breathed.
Sam smirked, leaning in across his podium. “Oh, but Doctor… I’ve been here the whole time,” he stage-whispered with a wink.
“He said you lost,” the Doctor said, shaking his head, looking wrong-footed for the first time that Brennan and Grant could recall. “You lost, and he trapped you.”
The other two watched, uncomprehending, but Sam just smiled, drumming his fingers against the podium with an audible beat, fast but distinct. Four taps, four taps, four taps. “I’m waiting.”
The Doctor took a slow, deep breath. Set his jaw.
“Master.”
---
missed an installment of the game master cinematic universe?
original idea by @ace-whovian-neuroscientist: x
art by @northernfireart concept: x scissor sisters sketch: x sam and his doppelganger: x
writing by me (!) part one (escape the greenroom): x part two (deja vu): x part three (sam says 4): you are here!
#game master#sam reich!master#doctor who#dw#dropout#game changer#you know what let's chuck some character tags in here#15th doctor#the master#sam reich#brennan lee mulligan#grant o'brien#kaylin mahoney#clari speaks#clari writes#ah darlings i'm putting my chat down here rather than in the post body for once#so i've thought of this whole saga as 'part three' but i will be a) titling them all and b) just keeping on numbering the parts sequentiall#rather than 'part three part one' etc#otherwise we're getting into homestuck act titling territory and that is ground i do not wish to tread#also fuck i hope i've got the time zones right#i'm planning to post this when an episode of game changer would ordinarily be released. to plug the gap. to tide us over.#(the finale trailer is so delightfully unhinged and i cannot wait til next week)#anyway gang this one was wild#the slight but significant genre shift from 'game changer with doctor who elements' to 'doctor who with game changer elements'#it was fun to write! and hopefully fun to read :)#also i MUST say that eugene northernfireart has a baller comic in the works that this entire thing is based on#this is thousands of words of setup and continuation because the sketch idea was so good it possessed me#and we decided that it had to be a proper dw episode#(hey rtd hire me pls)#anyway eugene is on hiatus bc of life so in the meantime go give him love and be Fuckin Hyped for the comic when it appears bc i know i am
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i've said it before but it will forever and always make me insane that jacob's ending is to join the cullens for the sake of bella not having to give anything up. they find out jake will be immortal & tied to renesmee forever, so bella gets to smile & say "my family is finally complete! ^-^" but jake already HAS a family. he has a father and 2 sisters. quil, embry, seth and sam are like his brothers. jacob and leah were planning to run away together. he's always been welcome in emily's home, sue has been a family friend since before his birth. bella abandons her mortality by choice because she feels no connection to the people around her, but jacob has really strong bonds. it's clear that every character we meet in la push is like family to him, he's an active member of the community. jake would've graduated high school and been a mechanic, would've grown into a young man. a good friend, a fun uncle, a present son. he's set up to have such a rich life. and he's just magically compelled to give that up. beyond his control, he loses sight of everything, because his high school crush's baby is now the singular most important thing to him. he's perpetually 18 with his perpetually 18 year old girlfriend, running around vancouver or alaska or wherever with the girl who friendzoned him at 16 & her in-laws (who were antagonistic to him for months). and i'm just supposed to say omg yay now he doesn't have to let go of bella! everyone is happy! it's complete madness
#like even putting aside the utter insanity of him imprinting on a newborn (WHICH IS HARD TO PUT ASIDE) it is still CRAZY#like bella was never gonna do anything but be a vampire. from the moment she meets them the only ending for her is to join the cullens.#throughout the series the only thing we see tying bella to humanity is jacob. that's the conflict for her. thats what she must forfeit.#ofc there's charlie but SHE makes the decision that giving that relationship up is worth it to her#bella was never going to do anything else but jake WAS. jake HAD a whole life ahead of him that was taken from him#HE HAS NO CHOICE. HE'S JUST COMPELLED TO DO IT#ugh. jacob can be the Worst sometimes but ultimately he's a victim of the narrative fr#being kinda shitty & unable to get over a girl at 16 shouldn't condemn u to giving up literally every other relationship in ur life#also the phrasing of 'the girl who friendzoned him' in this post makes it sound like i think bella is wrong for that & to be clear i don't#i just mean to emphasize like. how young they are & how trivial their relationship drama would seem to them years down the line#jacob black#twilight#the twilight saga#twilight blog#bella swan#jacob twilight#quil ateara#seth clearwater#leah clearwater#embry call#sam uley#stephanie meyer#smeyer#new moon#eclipse#breaking dawn#twilight critical#mine#jake
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thinking about gohan and vegeta and how their bond is underrated
the difference in their reactions to each other 😭
Gohan being the first one to step between Vegeta and Certain Death, twice, without an ounce of hesitation, and Vegeta saving him back despite his feelings about battle intervention.
Vegeta knowing Gohan's the best of all of them
Vegeta and Gohan both born prodigies assigned an unfair amount of responsibility to be Great and be a Saiyan Messiah(tm) way too young by a stubborn and proud if not (relatively) well-meaning father who didn't see any other option and I just think Gohan doesn't get enough credit as like. The first serious muscle behind Geets' personal growth.
#Gohan the best boy 🥲#We love a LAD#this has been in my drafts for so long because idk how much I want to spam dbz on my dash but aLSO I AM SEEING GOHAN LOVE AND I LOVE GOHAN#AND AS A VEGETA FAN I MUST CONTRIBUTE TO THE GOHAN LOVE I LOVE THAT PURE-HEARTED BABY BOY#goku gets a lot of credit for geets growth but he was an anchor and a goal post -- which are important things to have!!#but lbffr gohan trunks and bulma are the ones who did ALL the heavy lifting and ALL the emotional labor until Vegeta could do it himself#'but goku was a great influence!' sure. but not as great an influence as gohan. Goku's a sweetheart but he's inconsiderate in so many ways#Gohan was the example. Gohan mentored the Trunks that shifted Vegeta's priorities. Gohan saved Vegeta's life without hesitation.#Gohan is the first person to genuinely say 'thank you' to Vegeta and Gohan is the first person that Vegeta genuinely says 'i'm sorry' to#Give Gohan his Goddamn Credit when we talk about the people responsible for Vegeta's growth!! He did SO MUCH!!
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Anyway I love hua cheng has """kidnapped"""" xie lian fics. It's about the chaos. The shenanigans! The duality of the heavenly Court freaking out! Cut to hualian having a cute date! Jun wu mentally trying to rearrange his plans realistically sending xie lian to investigate should have disrupted their relationship why are they now getting married??? Xie lian popping in to the heavenly group chat going I'm FINE!!! Please please stop sending people to rescue me. Yes I've definitely been kidnapped let it go!!
#Tgcf#heaven official's blessing#Fanfics#hualian#Xie lian#Hua cheng#Jun wu#Hua cheng “kidnaps” xie lian#Xie lian : injured and lying about it#Hua cheng: gege actually I changed my mind you're no longer an honored guest you're now my prisoner so you must do what I say#Hua cheng: I'm an evil ghost king after all I would hate for things to escalate if you don't listen#Hua cheng: now take your goddamn medicine and let me change your bandages and brush your hair#Jun wu: ling wen have we tried plan 57 yet?? It's really cramping my style and triggering me that xie lian has so many people in his life#If anyone has any recs pls pls send them my way
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Obsessed with authors like Naomi Novik whose books always seem to say “no, fuck that, there is another way than cruelty, and we do have a choice to be decent, and not choosing it isn’t a burden but a cop out.”
Authors like Neil Gaiman whose books seem to say “we are all simply human, and that is so valuable. This world is worth more because we are in it, when we choose to notice and care”
Authors like Brandon Sanderson whose books say “We are all a little broken, and there is strength in not turning away from us, and there is pain in healing but there is also strength and hope.”
Seriously, these folks do more for my faith and hope in this life than any religion ever has. I don’t have the words to describe it yet but just. Warm cup of apple cider held close to the chest on cold autumn night?? That’s the best I got
#recommendations#does this count as a recommendation?? everyone should read their things if they get the chance. must recommend. there now it’s a red#dawn speaks#the sandman#where death goes from person to person and the episode is a celebration of life as much as it’s life’s end#good omens#where people literally look at Heaven and Hell and say ‘we’re good thanks. we like Human better than Good and Evil’#the scholomance#where people see ‘for the greater good’ and say in response ‘do better’#the stormlight archive#which is some kind of ode to pain and healing and the way that process holds something difficult but so so beautiful#I have read fanfiction that has perfectly captured the human condition#and watched children’s shows that spit in the face of all the ways we have chosen to hate each other#it just. it hits different okay.#anyways thanks to people who make things#because you reach people <3
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God’s favourite🥹🤲🏾
#Messi being pictured with handfuls of trophies for Argentina#i must be dreaming#can’t believe this is my life#to think we thought he made a mistake not playing for the Spanish nt#woooow good things really do come to those who wait#Lionel Messi#Argentina#Argentina nt#copa america
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I just rewatched ep 4 (which was very healing for my soul, it had been too long) and I noticed for the first time that when they're at Tragic Mick's, Niko notices the bear charm and asks about it, and Tragic Mick very firmly tells her it's not for sale.
(In addition, when the boys first go to Tragic Mick's, the camera lingers on the bear charm then, too)
It's fun to see that plot point laid out so clearly from the start, and to know that the trinket that intrigues Niko on this first visit is what ultimately saves her. But it also makes you think, like, Tragic Mick was saving that until just the right person came along, someone who really needed and deserved it, and just by listening to his story, Niko became that person.
#niko offered him the same compassion she does everyone in her life and that simple kindness is what saved her I'm going insane#she was doomed from the start but she was also saved from the start yk????#also tragic mick must be so lonely why do we never talk about this#had anyone ever listened to his story before niko?#the whole thing is so beautifully tragic#no pun intended#dead boy detectives#niko sasaki#tragic mick
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Randy Random is really trying to get the Jones' Boys some company...
Mechi knows when he's outnumbered.
Looks like we'll be rushed off our feet making bedrolls for a little while!
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#rimworld#gracie plays#A Mechanitor's Message#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#randy random will not win this fight#I refuse to add more people to this colony#we're saving ourselves for androids and our immediate family#but we are far from monsters#so offer aid we must#even if we don't want to#Perhaps Quinn and Flapjack and Skippy can walk Kristy to Arewll?#or start a new outpost alltogether...#Arwell IS getting a bit crowded#we'll see#I have had possibly the worst day of my life ever today#so if you feel like sending me ideas for things to draw to distract me... Please do <3#hope your day is better than mine has been#love you all <3 <3 <3
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one thing I have to keep reremembering every time I'm playing a soulslike/similar kind of difficult game -- and that I wish I could internalize elsewhere in my life as well -- is that you always, always have to suffer through the long dark of an inexplicable failcringe era before you can emerge into a fresh new dawn of competence. faceplanting into humiliating failure in ways you hadn't even conceived of before on a loop can sometimes be the herald of great and wondrous things to come soon. don't be so quick to abandon yourself in the early murk of daybreak because you think you just suck!!!
#returnal out here reminding me of the great truths yet again#I am crying and screaming my way through the fractured wastes. I may have relinquished all dignity. but I am making progress#returnal#tbf I do find the grind weirdly comforting. this game is Doing something with the strange paradoxical comfort of misery#and it's doing it very well. fills the same 'knocking your head against a wall for the pleasure of it' depression niche#as farming for souls in formsoft games haha. we must imagine the bearer of the curse happy#it's the same thing I'm doing in real life but at least in games you get to see tangible progress within ten hours. not so in life I fear#the only part of the game I haven't loved so far is the nemesis boss fight but that kind of checks out considering what sorts of bosses#I normally struggle with. I love a dance partner boss I hate a 'so much is going on all the time all over the place what the fuck' boss#I could fight malenia for hours but when you fill my screen with noise I am frustrated and defeated lol#fight me man on man you COWARD!!!#thank god the game doesn't force you to replay bosses after you beat them the first time (though the others were kind of fun so)
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I cannot get the idea of a da2 au where Malcolm is the surviving parent instead of Leandra. Would both of the twins have made it out? I think they would. Because like. Malcolm, unlike Leandra, can actually fight. I don't think either of the twins would have felt the need to protect him. Would the deep roads expedition even have to happen? I assume they would probably be worse off in this au since I don't think Gamlen would lend his aid. Obviously ignoring the very valid reasons why Malcolm would NEVER take his children to Kirkwall, or anywhere near it, how different would it be? Idk why it's plaguing my head rn but LORD
#dragon age#specifically thinking about this with lucio#malcolm seeing his eldest fall head over heels for an apostate healer: huh. must be an amell family trait or something#i think things would go so different#no amell fortune for them to claim#idk if they would even be able to get INTO kirkwall but like assuming they do#i think malcolm would take a much more active role than leandra#leandra was used to a life of luxury so of course she would struggle finding a good payibg job especially while grieving for her child#malcolm is an apostate i wholy believe he can get shit done#malcolm hawke#hawke da2#carver becomes and templar and malcolm spends a good five whole hours yelling at him#like yeah a templar may have helped him escape but. his SON??? a TEMPLAR??? fuck no#i wish we saw more of malcolm he fascinates me#<- person who is notorious for getting overly attached to dead dad chatacters
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i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign
#god of war#i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know#something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become#to survive this long#up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change#it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this.#it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better#we MUST be better. than they were.#who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return#you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better#i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindri’s face. has not left my memory#i’m dying scoob#gow#gowr
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As far as character progression goes, I'd argue that the most important aspect of the RLJ reveal isn't just Jon learning that he isn't Ned's son. The most important part is him learning that he isn't Ned Stark's bastard son. He's spent all his life chasing after Ned's shadow, trying to prove to himself and to the world that he is worthy of being Ned Stark's son, "let them say that Eddard Stark had fathered four sons not three", “he was not a Stark but he could die like one” and all that. He's internalized the shame of being the one stain on honorable Ned Starks' reputation
“But it’s a lie,” Jon insisted. How could they think his father was a traitor, had they all gone mad? Lord Eddard Stark would never dishonor himself … would he? He fathered a bastard, a small voice whispered inside him. Where was the honor in that? And your mother, what of her? He will not even speak her name.
So it's important for him to finally stop chasing after that elusive shadow. It's important for him to understand that Ned's dishonor was a deliberate choice that he made by himself, and it's thus no fault of his own. Once Jon internalizes that, then he can finally move on and ask himself, who am I? What do I want for myself? What can I be in this world, just as I am? So far, he's been unable to do that successfully because he still has an incomplete (and false) understanding of who he is.
#jon snow#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#jon specifically being ned’s bastard cannot be overstated#it heavily colors his outlooks on his own life and how he navigates through the world#like let’s talk about his sex hangups for example#being ned's bastard is so so important to his character arc#ffs whenever he meets someone new it’s always you must be ned stark’s bastard#it’s how he and everyone else understand his role in life so for him to progress as a character we need to ask#what happens when jon is no longer ned stark’s bastard?#what happens when the one thing that drove him to the wall - to seek glory and kickstarted his heroic journey#is proven to be false?#what then?#what does he do then? where does he go then? who does he become then?#I think he will at first be resistant - and it’s been my personal theory that his learning of robb’s will#will coincide with that and that will be the greatest temptation for him#just like with stannis’ offer and how he agonized over it he will try to cling to some form of#-I can still be ned’s son can’t I? look robb legitimized me as such-#yes I think he’ll already be aware of his parentage by the time he learns of the will#but ultimately he will choose to forge his own path in the end just like he chose to remain with the nw#which then doesn’t look good for the kitn prospects I’m ngl 😬#because just like accepting Stannis’ offer meant desecrating his father’s gods#accepting the will while knowing that he has no right over his now cousins would straight up be usurpation regardless of age or skill#and I can see grrm throwing in that moral dilemma for Jon because his arc is full of them#but just as he rejected stannis and ended up as lc then his final rejection will lead to something else that is greater - king of winter 🤭#Just my opinion tho 🙂#tagging#eddard stark#r plus l equals j#As well
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my favorite thing about mha has got to be how you can't tell if the writers are aware or not that the setting is in fact a corrupt police state
#like. it almost says something sometimes and then they back out of ittttt😭😭😭😭#I'm not keeping up with mha canon presently so I'm just thinking back on things#like. they have plenty of villain characters where it's like oh they're sympathetic and were clearly pushed into this life#by the narrow views of what is acceptable in society and the corrupt police state#AND THEY HAVE CORRUPT HEROES AND A CORRUPT ORGANIZATION SO LIKE. YOU KNOW IT'S A CORRUPT POLICE STATE THE WRITERS MUST KNOW#but then mha pulls fun shit with like. redeeming endeavor!! A CORRUPT HERO WHO GETS AWAY WITH THE SHIT HE DOES BECAUSE OF A BROKEN SYSTEM#while the ENTIRE rest of the todoroki family is like#“well obviously dabi sucks and is a monster and needs to be put away and can never be rehabilitated ever” 😐#AND LIKE. FINE. FUCKING REDEEM HIS ASS IF YOU WANT (BOOO HATE THAT BITCHHHHH) but don't then act like dabi is unsalvageable!!#both or neither babe!! nerf or nothing!!#like. do you guys get me. sometimes it feels like wow look at how much this corrupt society sucks#and sometimes it feels like yes we are going to not examine this at all#it's just. mha is so bad. it's so bad guys and it could've been good but it's bad#it could be so good if it was good but it's not it's just bad#it sucks its a stupid anime stupid manga fuck off
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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icl i would be at least a little happy with almost any ending for stranger things but one thing that would ruin all of it would be an epilogue (of a decade or more later)
#it would just kinda ruin the fun of imagining them doing whatever tf i want them to these days yk#like even if everyone got together the way i wanted them and got the jobs i think fit etc it would still just kill the creativity#+ even the small things would annoy me like what if i just don’t like what one of them named their kids. or dresses like in 20 years#maybe i wanted them divorced by then but that would’ve angered the fans#maybe i wanted to imagine that single person’s future spouse myself (or keep them single in my head)#what if i want them to recover from this or that or still be working on it. what if i the adult/older actors look shit#anyways point is do not do an epilogue timeskip of more than 5/6years PLEASE i am begging u duffer brothers#stranger things#byler#<- u guys get me on this yk#even if byler isn’t canon at the end i can still at least imagine they do in uni or in their 30s or whenever#as long as there isn’t some fucking scene where mike and el r old and married in 2023 or something#would just kinda ruin all of it; making us see them as old ass adults with their entire lives set it stone yk#manifesting a few month/year timeskip where everyone gets a happy ending isn’t all “and then they lived a nice life in this specific way”#and especially manifesting that we don’t get an#“i haven’t seen you guys in decades how’ve you been? sucks that erica died in a car crash last year. she was almost 40”#type epilogue (if we must have one)#like no hate to amphibia and that one 80s movie but it just kinda makes what happened before a bit pointless if it focused on their#relationships at all#like cool we spent years watching these friendships grow and adapt only for u to go “yeah and we’re strangers now soz :)” like ok so none o#that lasted#idgaf if it’s “realistic” if i wanted realistic representation of childhood friends into adulthood id think about real life and shit#idk random rant if they do any of this shit i WILL kill all of them and then myself#ryan shut the fuck up
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