#that was the whole POINT of the 4th year existential panic i had this year

[thebirdandhersong]

Nothing like your aunt telling you (and this is the ONLY thing she had to say apparently) through the family telephone network that you Can't get a job after getting a Ph.D and people won't hire you so don't bother and that she knows SO many people who ended up teaching high school after they got their Ph.Ds so I might as well teach high school straight after my BA and B.Ed instead of going onto study as my mother had told her i wanted to do. On NEW YEAR'S EVE

[safeplacesnupin]

Snupin Fanfic Year in Review

Hey friends! So I really want to start promoting more amazing Snupin fanfics and I thought this might be a good way to start. I'm going to go through my bookmarks and select one (or two, or three) Snupin fics I read for each month and bookmarked and recc it in this thread :D Sorry if I don't tag every author but if you know their tumblr PLEASE tag them! *disclaimer* I didn't get an AO3 to bookmark until July so the first few months are just ones I had favorited in my browser until I got an AO3 LONG post ahead! A bunch of Snupiny goodness!

🦔 January - Triquetra by Contrarian_Hedgehog 🦔

Summary on AO3: With the war fast approaching, Snape is forced to rely on Lupin and Black in order to secure his place in Voldemort's circle. Can they get past two decades of hostility? After a month of cohabiting, being around each other gets easier yet so much more difficult. Notes: This is actually a Snackin fic! A poly relationship between Remus, Severus, and Sirius. It has such a fantastic 'I don't want to do this but I have to' into a full blown relationship and it comes with such spicy art and scenes. 16 chapters total. Read: Triquetra

⚔️ February - Lily's Boy by SomewheresSword ⚔️

Summary on AO3: Before his third year of Hogwarts has even begun, Harry faces three whole weeks of unsupervised time in Diagon Alley. In that time he takes a trip to Gringotts - and that changes everything.

Burdened with the knowledge that Dumbledore has been blocking his family magic, and manipulating far more than he ever thought possible, Harry doesn't know who he can trust; but he knows he can't keep going that way. There's a whole world of lore and politics and history to catch up on, and the more he learns, the more Harry realises his true place in the world, and how much is being kept hidden from him. All the while, Dumbledore's twinkling eyes are constantly watching, and Harry can't let on how much he knows.

With help from unexpected places, Harry starts on a journey to end the war, and reshape the wizarding world. With how much he looks like James Potter, people have forgotten one important thing about him - he is Lily Evans' son, and she was one hell of a witch.

Notes: Buckle up for a long, fantastic fic my friends! Lily's Boy is 109 chapters! This focuses a lot on Harry as I'm sure you could guess (Drarry specifically), but Snupin is a huge focal point in this fic and I would not call it background. It's brilliant worldbuilding earn it this February spot!

Read: Lily's Boy

🧁 March - Have Your Cake and Eat It by Cunegonde 🧁

Summary on AO3: Lying in hospital after the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus Lupin has a lovely lucid dream that he's gone back to his school days at Hogwarts. Only the day passes, then another, and another, and soon he must face the terrifying possibility that it isn't a dream — that he has irreparably altered the events of the past.

Please be advised, this one contains Adult Themes. Just, not so much in the fun flirty way, more in the midlife existential crisis way.

Notes: Primarily following Remus around as he gets transported back in time to his school days?! And how he falls for our lovely Severus Snape while trying not to mess up reality. YOU WILL CRY. Bittersweet ending warning on this one but so worth the read. 33 chapters

Read: Have Your Cake and Eat It

🦡 April - For Once Seen by diandrastrikesback 🦡

Summary on AO3: “Get the shutters,” he said stiffly. 

“Want to see you,” Lupin whispered into his hair. 

Snape’s panic rose. He fumbled with his words as his heart beat up his throat. “No. Erm…oily hair…you know, bad skin,” he stammered quietly. 

Notes: A short drabble and first ever time something of mine inspired anything. ToT <3 Set in the summer, Remus sneaks over to Sev's house to have some fun. Sev isn't confident in his appearance though.

Read: For Once Seen

🐍 May - The Heir to the House of Prince by A_LoveUnlaced and elphi13 🐍

Summary on AO3: Summer of 4th year and Harry's all alone, dealing with his grief and the sudden revelation that James Potter is not his father. Support comes in a strange form. The form of Theo Nott, son of a death Eater. A strange friend who says he'll help him find his true father, whoever this Lord Prince might be.

Notes: Back to the long fics; 87 chapters AND this is a part of a currently ongoing series. Sev is actually Harry's father and wow is that a shock to Harry! This fic features Snupin and a Theo/Harry pairing and does a brilliant job focusing on both. Extremely compelling read. Severitius.

Read: The Heir to the House of Prince

🩺 June - Not Quite What the Doctor Ordered by Arionrhod and McKay 🩺

Summary on AO3: Severus Snape is a brilliant diagnostician, but it turns out that Remus Lupin is a very difficult case, in more ways than one.

Notes: I'm not usually one for super AU fics but this one takes the cake. Severus is charactarized fantastically and the story is so very good! This is completely non-magic and the relationship between these two is just chefs kiss! 4 chapters.

Read: Not Quite What the Doctor Ordered

🥇 July - With Every Step I Rise and Fall by @miffmiff 🥇

Summary on AO3: After the war, Remus thinks that all hope is lost of ever reconnecting with Severus. He may be in for a surprise though.

Notes: So I have this secret extra ranking I call 'The Golden Shelf.' It's the best of the best, and while many of these fics in this list hold that rank, THIS is the fic that inspired me to make that ranking at all. The very first fic on my golden shelf! This takes a look at how Severus and Remus grapple with the past and embrace each other. Charactarization feels real and so spot on. 1 chapter.

Read: With Every Step I Rise and Fall

Honorable Mention for another fic I read in July: Because He Really Knows Me by flyfreewithme776 is an AU fic where Remus is a cute barista and Severus is pining even if he keeps making his drinks wrong!

🎁 August - The Great Hogwarts Christmas Gift Exchange Debacle of 1996 by Snegurochka 🎁

Summary on AO3: Ron wants Luna, but Luna wants Ginny, and Ginny wants Harry, and Harry wants Hermione, but Hermione wants Lupin, and Lupin wants… Snape? Oh, what tangled webs we weave, when Dumbledore sets up a little seasonal fun for a group of hormonal teenagers spending their Christmas at Grimmauld Place – with two angsty thirty-somethings who have quite enough of their own problems to be getting on with.

Notes: This was a very long 1 chapter fic that was such a delight to read! The summary doesn't do it justice and I'm not sure that my little notes can either, but please give this a shot! In August like me, or right now; perfect for the holidays! Hilarious misunderstandings and a wonderful ending await you.

Read: The Great Hogwarts Christmas Gift Exchange Debacle of 1996

Honorable mentions for a few other fics I read in August:

Batten Down the Hatches by @diandrastrikesbackk is a heartbreaking, fantastic little fic that pays homage to many other Snupin fics. A look at the life of the Snupin fandom as seen by the duo themselves <3

Drifting Satellite by the_throwaway_account is a slight AU with an angsty Remus trying to cope with his lycanthropy with no supportive family or friends. Enter: Sev

🛶 September - I Lie In Your Charms by KALA @kalainthecanoe 🛶

Summary on AO3: When Severus Snape banked on being dead at the end of a war, it was as much of a shock as a burden to find out he was very much alive. He'd rather welcome oblivion and be known as a hero, than watch himself become a listless ghost of his former self. He never expected his Life After Death would contain much but living an isolated, quiet, life. Instead he somehow ended up returning to Hogwarts to teach, becoming involved in student affairs he'd rather stay far removed from, and most importantly, having copious amounts of sex with his old childhood enemy- Remus Lupin.

Recovery is a fickle and long road, and he certainly didn't expect his would involve accepting Remus as part of it.

Notes: KALA is an incredible writer in every fic they craft, but this is one of my favorites. As the summary suggests, spice fest! But this is no plotless hotness by any means. Who doesn't love using sex as a distraction from trauma? Wonderfully written 12 chapters.

Read: I Lie In Your Charms

🎂 October - October 1984 by @bluesundaycake 🎂

Summary on AO3: Severus knows something is wrong at Hogwarts, but he can't quite figure out what.

A story built from the daily prompts for Snapetober 2022. Accidentally snupin.

Notes: So I loved this one so much I had to draw art for it. Seriously I can't say enough good things about this fic! Snape has an adorable crow friend and has to figure out what the heck is going on at Hogwarts while also pining for Remus. Rumored by BlueSundayCake to be a part of a series! :o 32 chapters.

Read: October 1984

Honorable Mentions for fics I read in October:

A Door Left Ajar by Hera_Invictus takes a great look at Sev and Rem's past when Remus comes to Hogwarts to teach during POA. I don't know if they invented the word sexpilogue but uh, yeah...

Fuel the Pyre of Your Enemies by DivinityInMotion took the 'paired for school project' hook and sunk me in a fantastic story with slow burn Snupin.

🐺 November - Artemisia Absinthium: The Wolf and the Moth by Gertrude_Crow @princeandcrow 🐺

Summary on AO3: When Severus Snape uncovered Peter Pettigrew as a traitor before Voldemort attacked the Potters, it changed the course of many lives - his own included.

Relationships are forged and broken, as those that survived the war now have to learn to live, find new paths, and build new futures. And though their leader is gone, not all of the Death Eaters are willing to accept defeat.

Notes: Part 2 of Gertrude_Crow's Artemisia Absinthium series; READ THEM ALL! This is an AU during the first wizarding war focusing on Snupin with intriguing other relationships. Drama, intrigue, and a few dark spots make this series an incredible read. Part 2 is my favorite, coming in at 30 chapters.

Read: Artemisia Absinthium Series

💰 December - The Inheritance by Shadowycat 💰

Summary on AO3: Things hadn’t gone well for Remus Lupin since the end of the war, so he didn’t think he could afford to pass up an unexpected inheritance from someone he’d never met. Of course it turned out there were a few strings attached, including having to share his surprise windfall with Severus Snape. Not that Snape was particularly happy about that...

Notes: It's a 'we have to live together and go on a treasure hunt and now we love each other' fic! Not going to lie, the writing reminds me of a modern day Jane Austin and the story line is so compelling. A little mystery and some great reading! 24 chapters.

Read: The Inheritance

Horoable Mention for another fic I read in December:

Ne'er-Blue-Well by @diandrastrikesbackck was written for a prompt I gave, but it took my usually serious, not a fan of comedy self and had me laughing out loud with a truely genius string of puns said by Severus Snape himself after a potion accident.

WHEW! Hope you find a new fic to enjoy! This was just whenever I read the fic, but did you have any you read this year that should be on next years list? -or- are you a writer working on one?! Leave them in the comments please! Here's to many more in the new year!

[fabricated-misslieness]

Can you do a headcanon or scenario for reaper,mccree,genji,soldier where their s/o shows them that there is some fanfiction and headcanons about them?

Genji, McCree, Reaper, and Soldier: 76 x gender neutral reader 

What’s up with all this 4th wall breaking shit

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Swearing

Gabriel Reyes

The man already has trust issues, so the minute he sees a ‘photo’ of himself, he’s skeptical. He’s not as much of a boomer as people paint him out to be, in fact, he’s not even gen z, so the first thing he does is check the publish date.

He’s silent, but he’s freaking out in his head. 

The date is recent. He wouldn’t have pardoned it completely if it were from around the time when he was the Overwatch Strike Commander, but compared to something recent? Talon isn’t one for going public, neither is Blackwatch, so how the hell would people get their hands on a photo of him?

He assumes the post is something either exposing him, news about something he did, a wanted poster, or some rando somewhere that somehow got a picture of him and was asking who he was.

He’s so consumed in creating plausible reasons as to why there’s a picture of him, that he almost forgets to read the title. Almost.

“ ‘Reaper x gender neutral reader’ ” He reads under his breath. He pauses for a second, contemplating. “What the fuck.”

He knows what this means, vaguely remembers it from when he was younger, 40 years ago. Damn that made him feel old, but this isn’t the focus right now.

First of all, how would somebody be attracted to him? No offense to his s/o, but who would fall in love with a masked man? If only you knew, Gabe.

Second, how-- what? The fuck? People shouldn’t even know of his existence, yet here this was.

“Gabe, you good?” He doesn’t look good, but you ask anyway.

“No.” His response is immediate. He’s not good, he’s not good at all. He’s not even going to read this thing, he’s going to go straight to Talon and find out who the fuck told anybody about his entire existence.

“It’s nothing.” You hold him back from standing up, reassure him with one of your caring smiles. But this time, it doesn’t work.

He’s uneasy, creeped out, and a little angry. Imagine how hard it would be as a Talon executive if everybody knew who he was.

Talon and publicity don’t mix.

“Honey, not everybody knows about you.” Your attempts to reassure him are futile.

Anyway, this results in even more trust issues and some dead Talon workers.

 

Genji Shimada

“Genji.” You called, patting the spot next to you. The fact that your smile was a little eager and you looked excited made him a bit hesitant. What did you have for him today?

The last time you were this excited, you had something weird to show him.

“Look.” You held out your phone in front of him.

The first thing he saw was a picture of himself. It was a little creepy because of how much detail it had, but he brushed it off, seeing as during his last few years of the organization were Overwatch years. If he were still in Blackwatch he would definitely be creeped out.

The second thing he saw was the title, ‘Genji x gender neutral reader’ “What does that mean?” He asked.

“It’s fanfiction.” You replied.

“Fanfiction? What’s-- Oh.” He vaguely remembers what fanfiction is from his younger years. He wasn’t particularly one for reading them, even with his crushes on some fiction characters, but one of his best friends did.

Then it dawned on him. “Wait, Genji x… Oh. Oh! What the fu--”

He nearly yeets your phone away from himself. If you weren’t there to stop him, he would’ve yeeted it. 

He’s confused to all hell. “WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHO I AM?! WHY ARE THEY ATTRACTED TO A CYBORG?!”

That’s… quite the insult to you, seeing as you’re dating him…

Anyway, you literally have no idea either, but hey, his reaction was fun. Genji wondered what they would do if they knew you two were dating. Then he remembered, ships are a thing and we’re a literal ship come true. All the explicit, r-rated, angst, fluff, crack that would be written--

He looks like he’s having an existential crisis.

To lighten the situation, you decide to let him read it. Even though that was the cause of all these problems, why did you suggest this--?

He’s so silent throughout the whole thing that you might even think he’s overheated if he didn’t have his mask off.

When he’s done, he looks up and around the room. Unbeknownst to you, he’s trying to find the ‘cameras’ that are surely in here somewhere. How else would they know about him?

Once he accepts that there are no cameras, and in fact, there is no way that anybody could be this accurate, yet they are, he gives up.

“How are they so accurate?” He sighs, sinking into the couch.

“Let’s not think about that.” You try to reassure him, you try to pull the phone away from him but he holds on tight.

He narrows his eyes at you, “How many are there?”

36, counted them myself. 36?! 

“A lot.” Your reply was vague… judging by your look, it was on purpose.

“(y/n), what the fuck.”

To sum it up, existential crisis.

 

Jack Morrison

“What’s this?”

He’s not startled by the picture of him, since he was the commander of Overwatch, they even made a statue of him. But then he realizes this isn’t any old picture of him, this is a picture of him in the present, with his old grey and visor instead of the usual blonde and young look.

He has to hold himself back from cursing up a storm. As much as he wants to, it wouldn’t help the situation.

He moves from the picture to the title, hoping that it’s either just a coincidence, somehow, or some picture of him from street cameras, even if it was in good quality.

“Soldier: 76 x gender neutral reader.” He reads to himself. “What?”

“It’s fanfiction.”

“What’s that?” Oh, he is such an old man. Even though Reaper is older than him, he knows.

You have to explain it all to him. The definition of the word ‘fanfiction’ itself weirds him out, but to learn that it’s both fanfiction and self-shipping of him himself and the reader?

“How do they know who I am?”

“I don’t know, dear.” You reply. This was not a good idea.

He moves on curiously to reading the contents of said fanfiction. The way he talks, the way they describe how much of a private man he is, it feels like they’ve written him just like he is.

It’s eary, and it creeps him out to hell to the point of sending a shiver down his spine.

“Did you make this?” He asks. He knows you wouldn’t do something like this, but he’s only hoping that you made this only to keep himself sane.

“No.”

Without the protection of hope, his mind wanders all places. This isn’t a coincidence. What is this? Who made this? Do I have to smother the source?

Panic settles in.

This is your fault now, you have to make sure he either forgets this or that the author means no harm.

Panik Boy

 

Jesse McCree

“D-Darling, what is this?” He lets out a nervous laugh at the sight of himself. How the hell did they make it look just like him? Maybe it was a thank you gift, like a painting of gratitude for his vigilante work, that ought to explain it, right?

Then he read the title, ‘Jesse McCree x gender neutral reader’. “What does this mean?”

“It’s a ship,” He nods and hums, he knows what ships are. His cousin had plenty of them from one of their Thursday afternoon cartoons when they were younger. “Of the reader, the one reading the story--”

“It’s a story?” Jesse interrupts, his brow is raised and he looks thoroughly confused.

“Yes, it’s a story,” You continue, stating your sentences like a teacher would a toddler. “The reader, being shipped with you.”

“W-With me?” The fact that he’s stuttering should be giveaway enough for you to tell he’s conflicted. “Wha-- How would that work?”

You explained again, this time slower and with more detail, hoping he’d understand.

He did this time, but of course you’d have questions to answer.

Why did you think this was a good idea?

“Well how do they know about me? I haven’t done any interviews or nothin’.”

God you wish you knew. Maybe if you did it’d be funnier. “No idea, babe.”

He had many questions but he didn’t want to bother you with them, since you probably didn’t know the answers based on that question. So instead, he focused on the fan fiction itself.

The way they described what he said, it was just like how he talked. They nailed the accent. They knew all his habits, his personality… how the hell did they know?

He puts the phone away and reassures you he’s fine, but you’re sure he’s not fine.

He has trust issues after this, he can’t help but think for at least 5 seconds about anybody around him and their ulterior motives.

[antonero2016]

my birthday’s tomorrow yaaaaayyyyyy

I went into an existential crisis that’s made me high strung for about a week or two and to tried to ignore it by working myself even more stressed with character creating for Acreon to the point I had to have my friend hold my sheet of character information hostage until I’m in a better state

gonna go into a big talk below the cut it will touch upon some heavy stuff and drug talk, suicidal talk, and familial abuse/issues so avoid the read more if you would rather keep out of it or are sensitive to it I just... feel like I wanna get this off my chest

so for as long as I could remember I’ve had a tough life so buckle up for my life story:

since I was young my parents had issues I’m not entirely sure about details because I honestly have had such a hard time taking my parents’ word for it while growing up

my parents only married because I was on the way and my mom’s family pushed her to marry my dad because of old school values

my mom didn’t have her parents around while growing up so she is practically obsessed with what she believes is good for me while believing her efforts are doing good when in reality it’s done nothing but harm for me

my dad, as much as I love him, does not have a good history and I vividly recall my mom’s side of the family saying how much they hated him openly around me

my dad had a few children from a previous marriage and before meeting my mom he had left a previous girlfriend that wanted to get married which turned out resulted in another child after he left

my home life was fraught with difficulties from an early age and my parents constantly fought (it would even get physical) and I remember my dad “falling asleep” on the floor of the bathroom so many times (I later discovered that according to my mom he was on drugs and may have been trying to kill himself I’m not entirely sure about this part honestly)

one of my earliest learned Tagalog phrases was “fuck you” because my parents often threw it at each other

my dad had a hard time holding a job from my memory and my mom was practically our sole income so my mom was often tired and overworked with graveyard shifts at the hospital while my dad watched over me most of the time I actually remember staying up late to see my mom off when she left for her shift

at some point my father had gotten arrested and sent to jail or prison I’m honestly not sure which it was technically or what exactly it may have been for but I know in the very early morning/middle of night my mom would wake me up and take me there to visit even on school days

this kind of stuff didn’t affect me well you could imagine, I developed bad habits like sleeping really late and I remember very early on saying I never wanted to be born or talked of killing myself as early as 4th or 3rd grade I think it was so long ago and I never thought back to any of this until recently

I feel like my most prominent memories were around kindergarten and sometime when I started middle school what happened between it is more of a blur

I do remember however that both my parents regarded each other with a very unhealthy level of suspicion, my mom suggesting that my dad rigged or ruined her car while my dad even said things with the TV were my mom’s fault

I don’t remember what exact point in my life this was but I do know I was in elementary school still and recall my dad locking the door of the bedroom on my mom with me in there with him because they were having a fight again only this time my mom retaliated by taking a hammer and bashing in the doorknob until the door gave and a struggle before she smashed our computer screen and I remember myself cowering on the other side of the bed because it was just so horrifying to me with the yelling and then the smashing of glass

in late elementary school my dad cheated on my mother and took me to live with him, his lover, and her kids and I enjoyed it decently enough the apartment was nice and I liked having something like “siblings” when I was so used to being alone as a child

of course though my mom didn’t like any of this and tried to get me back as much as possible and I remember clearly a point at night where she found me and my dad in the driveway and screamed at me in tears that I was “stabbing her in the back”

I also remember her accusing my dad of molesting me for some reason which was not true at all and luckily never took off as an accusation

while what my dad was shitty I would honestly choose him over my mom because I was never close to her and things like the “stabbing in the back” comment always stuck to me and she had a bit of an emotionally manipulative/abusive streak in her for a long time and would even take her frustrations towards my dad on me (and both my parents were old school and preferred physical punishments nothing too bad but it still hurt) and my mom’s favorite thing to say to me was “you’re just like your dad!” almost constantly because I always took after him more in looks, personality, and so much and my preference for him didn’t help me at all

my dad’s patience could wear thin and he was a bad drunk but he was always the more calm and understanding of my parents while my mom was borderline controlling especially in my teen years

at some point my mom had bought me a netbook laptop and that was fun for a while but she and I were constantly at odds at that point in life because I was in the angsty and bitchy teen phase while she was, well, her

I liked to drown out things with music a lot and was rather jumpy whenever touched or not given a warning of some kind to get my attention and it often ended in me snapping unintentionally from shock/fear and my mom would always get angry at me for doing so and once she had taken the laptop from me and thrown it across the room and as you can figure it didn’t survive

my mom also constantly had the need to demand to see what I was doing if I started acting “suspicious”

at some point my parents got back together and things finally calmed between them while things only began to get worse between me and my mom due to differing opinions and values while my dad was more readily accepting to it all and I was getting rather depressed and anxious at that point in life and for the record I had learned what autism was at some point and felt I always fit the description or some variation of it once I did (I would like to state I’m not fond of self-diagnosis I feel it’s fine to feel you have something but you should always get a professional’s diagnosis first)

my mother however would constantly affirm that I was “normal” and so I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple years back so very recently and I can’t help but wonder if life would’ve been easier if I had been given the necessary help and diagnosis earlier on

this is where things become primarily me vs mom

once there was a time in high school where my partner for a Spanish class assignment canceled so I was reasonably upset because we needed to do it real bad and when I locked myself in my room for a bit to sulk my mom tried to get in and questioned why I locked the door and simply said “leave me alone” very miserably and for some reason that set her off and she yelled at me for being ungrateful and managed to get my door open while yelling angrily as I was contacted my dad at his work in a panic because she was really scaring me and I didn’t need this but as I was on the phone with him she grabbed my cellphone from me and of course ended the call which set my dad off and he immediately dropped everything he was doing to scramble back home to save me from my mother’s wrath however he worked a long ways off so in the time of his trip back I was so upset I decided to leave the run away because “fuck this” and my mom caught me as I was trying to sneak out and she just retorted “GO THEN” without a damn care so I ran off while my aunt we lived with tried to follow me but I gave her the slip

I had nowhere to go and no one to contact without my phone because I have trouble memorizing numbers so I just walked and walked until I made my way to the local library and checked out a book and stayed there until it had to close fo the day

eventually I called my aunt with a payphone because I knew it wasn’t smart to be out late like this (and also because she was the only number I knew off the top of my head) and begged her not to contact my mom and only my dad and eventually my dad did find me be unluckily my mom was with him and she hugged me crying which made me break down and tell her how much she had upset me and her reply was something along the lines of “you just made me so mad” and I think at that point a piece of me died because I realized that no matter the situation she will never see anything as her own fault or even partially her fault because what she said translated to “it was your own fault”

best thing is she’s completely forgotten about that whole incident and has overwritten the memory with a time my dad drove me out for being atheist/agnostic (I’m honestly undecided which one I technically am)

(”don’t you remember that time you made me run away” “no that was your dad remember” “...”)

at least that incident was resolved and my dad no longer forces me to go to church and we’re still on good terms now

oh and for a while after the time she made me run away she started to affirm that if I tried it again I’d be arrested because I now had a “record” since they had called the police that time and I just think to myself “I’m PRETTY damn sure that’s now how the law works”

things have been relatively calm these days but my mother and me still butt heads and there was a time where she triggered me into a suicidal state that I luckily didn’t do anything to myself during such but I had a very strong urge to leave and walk into traffic or go to a highway overpass and jump

I kept myself as together as I could with a friend’s help on a chat and contacted my dad who printed out a description of my condition (Asperger’s syndrome to be exact) and came right home to go off at my mother for not being more accommodating and understanding to my issues because she constantly believed for the longest time that I was perfectly “normal” and didn’t have any form of autism spectrum disorder until it was told right to her face by a professional that I was diagnosed and even now she affirms that I’m “normal” and that I’m still higher-functioning and so very smart even with that issue but the thing is those “facts” don’t erase the fact that I have this condition that she refuses to understand or help with even in the slightest (she replies with ”do you want me to praise you and say everything is okay?!” whenever I ask for her to be a bit more accommodating or understanding)

and now we finally reach to now where she and I still have trouble because she refuses to even see things from my point of view

not to mention just a year or two ago my dad bought a new car that I’ll admit we really needed but he bought those fancy cars which he claims was his “dream car” and it put us back with debt

things were easy to handle for the longest time but recently things have gotten so much harder and on top of that I was denied grants for financial aid last year because of “information on my FAFSA application” so we were set back more and I had to take a break from college to try to wait out the financial issue but it has only gotten worse and then there was a policy change for FAFSA where I believe they use the information from the year before last rather than last year’s which I believed would just yield the same results so I decided to just not even bother this year and take a break for the whole year where I could try again in 2018 but now my parents are trying to pressure me back into school when we can barely afford groceries to last us the next shopping trip while constantly assuring me that we can handle it which I do not believe at all because school supplies and textbooks are expensive

so here I am finally, turning 21 on November 18th

if you bothered to stick around to the end of this whole rant/vent: thank you and let’s hope I have an easier year before my 22nd birthday