#that was straight up teenager behavior
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katierosefun · 2 years ago
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i think being an adult is realizing that adults will continue to act shitty and that no adult is somehow more mature purely because they’re older than you. like damn, when you’re a kid, you might be treated badly by adults from time to time, and you might argue back against them, but you’re still shadowed by the fact that you are a kid and you’re a little too aware, even as a kid, that you might not know everything in the world--
and then you’re an adult--a pretty young adult, but an adult regardless--and you realize very quickly that oh, no, you weren’t wrong as a kid: adults can still act badly and they can be actually almost just as if not even more irrational and immature than your local five year old. it’s a little bit odd, just because i think there might be a part of you that thinks, hang on, no, but you’re an adult, adults are supposed to be more mature at this point, but also, i think it’s a little freeing as well: look, we are both adults. look at how immature you’re acting--now i know that just because you’re older doesn’t mean that you know better.
#caroline talks#mm yeah i'm just contemplating yesterday again#my roommate was like 'caroline . . . there's something wrong with him if he's getting off on saying#those kinds of things to a person half his age'#and like. yeah. i agree.#and don't get me wrong like.#ever since i was a kid i think i always had this sense that being older doesn't mean you know everything#or that you're even necessarily a better person#something something when i was really little#my dad said 'caroline just because you got one year older doesn't mean you're mature. you just aged. anything can age.'#and i sort of kept thinking that yesterday when my landlord raised his voice + started interrupting me + going for ad hominem attacks#it was so funny and it reminded me#of a bratty kid who couldn't think of any arguments so he'd say things like 'WELL . .. YOU'RE UGLY' or something#and like. of course ad hominem attacks are still going to sting a little bit#because i would like to think most people don't really like having their personalities and their personal lives being attacked#or like when my landlord just really stood up and left while i was talking to him#that was straight up teenager behavior#i did the same when he came back up but then i paused#and said 'it seemed like you were going to say something and i won't walk away because i want you to finish what you were saying'#and then he says something shitty and condescending#and then i smiled as wide as i could#and was like 'yes [name]'#which was already annoying enough#but he just keeps pestering me now#just texting and belittling me#and saying 'it's not that bad see'#i did ultimately get the better deal#i got a new lease that makes sure he'll never pull this fucking shit ever again#but of course. he can still text me annoying condescending things#so i'll do what i do whenever bullies want to pull shit.
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eastberlin · 4 months ago
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Probably the most simultaneously American and lesbian thing I’ve ever done: drove 3 hours each way to hang out with my ex girlfriend for the afternoon. European heterosexuals could never.
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maddogmp3 · 1 year ago
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have you ever wanted to disappear and join a monastery go out and preach on manic street who will i be when i wake up next to a stranger on a passenger plane a passenger plane oh permanent jet lag please take me back please take me back im a stray dog sick please let me in the mad key's trippin' singing vows before we exchange smoke rings give me a pen call me mr benzadrine but dont let the doctor in i wanna blow off steam and call me mr benzadrine but don't let the doctor don't let the doctor in
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your tags on parenting make me super emotional <3 that's exactly the kind of parent I want to be one day
Thanks! I feel the same way honestly. I have a lot of opinions about parenting and I can't say that I will be the perfect parent because that doesn't exist. I can't even say that my hypothetical future kid/kids will be perfect because children don't grow in a vacuum. I can only control what I do and say and try to be the best version of myself and hope for the best.
#i often hear people say that involved parenting is too difficult to be realistic or that modeling behavior is too hard#and yeah. yeah it is. it is one of the most difficult things a person can do. but who the fuck has a kid thinking it'll be easy?#kids are hard work and commitment. they should never be something done on a whim. you should never half ass raising a kid#and not to say that people should be perfect all the time or that people shouldn't have 'me' time#its just that i genuinely don't understand people who shove their kid into as many activities as possible to get away from them#or put all their hopes and dreams and expectations on them. if it's so easy and attainable to live up to your expectations as a parent#then do it first. you want your kid to have straight A's? great. show me your report card at that age#im just... kids are just people. and they just want to hang out with their parents and receive love and attention#and anyway ive lost my point im just very passionate about this topic#very passionate#when im older and financially stable I want to foster teenagers i think. i want to be there for them and model healthy adult behavior#and help them make that transition. i want to be that person for them. because everyone needs help and love and family#and honestly? my parents fostered kids my entire life. THEY MODELED THAT BEHAVIOR#i understand that family is not a given. i understand that family is above all else forged. and that applies to everyone#not just found family or fostering. if you don't know your bio child then can you really call yourself family?#family is *forged* regardless of the context. and if it isn't? if you skip that step with your bio kids? well thats a major fucking issue#anyway nothing but respect for my parents who bought groceries for my foster sister when she was out of care. FOR MONTHS#nothing but respect for my parents who took me with them to give my foster sister their old stroller when she needed it#nothing but respect for my parents who take in my old foster brother every weekend to 'babysit' because they know he isnt in a loving house#nothing but respect for my parents who adopted my siblings without a word when they asked#honestly they are why i am who i am today. i was a kid with adhd and learning disabilities who hated school#and now I'm an honors student and getting my doctorate. because they did the academia with me#and im not saying they did my schoolwork. im saying that they assigned books to read over the summer and we would read them as a family#and we would discuss the literary concepts and themes together as a family. i love dissecting media! and thats because of my parents!#it was a family activity! same goes for science and art and music#and coding and history ect ect#anyway im going off on a tangent but basically what im saying is that my parents didn't ship me off to camp every summer#we just did things as a family together. i remember the time and bonding with them. and i modeled that behavior#and not to brag but i think I turned out alright#anyway tangent over!
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pyreshe · 1 year ago
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tbh one of my biggest red flags is people hating k.atara from atl.a. like she's not your favorite? okay that's fine. but hating her? 🤨 I don't trust u
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valodia · 1 year ago
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. (long tags)
#so like in the sequel of the story im currently saving my whole computer on a hard drive that my husband got me for my bday along w synth//v#in order to install windows 8 instead of 7 just so that i can in fact use said synth//v.. its a whole ordeal#so anyway while files are copying etc i stumbled upon some rlly old stuff from my old computer like some chat logs i had saved#when i was a teenager i had an obsessive personality so i saved certain logs of conversations with people that i cared about#like some w my evil ex when we were just friends n everything was still ok#so like i read like 2 conversations so far n its rlly somth wild.#ok so.#my evil ex did this thing especially when we started dating where he would tell me stuff thats obviously untrue about himself or the world#like just lies but told straight faced and seriously. and it wasnt just some little lies it was like obviously impossible stuff or misinfo#thats easy to fact check#at the start i humored him but the more he did this the more i saw he was serious and it didnt rlly matter to me that he was believing some#wild stuff (like he had powers or whatever)#but it was a problem when he would tell me while expecting me to believe it especially if its misinfo about the world or somth#or he made up incredibly wild excuses for his bad behavior#like i went missing for a week and didnt reply to you bc i was on a time travel mission or whatever.#i got rlly upset about it bc i couldnt reconcile that i thought he loved me but still told me untrue things that i thought he had to know#were wrong#i wasnt sure at the time bc trauma bonding etc but i started suspecting that he told me wilder and wilder stuff to see what he could get#away with to like trap me into a manipulation cycle.#so anyway the interesting thing is im reading these logs from a way earlier time when things were still good (just friends at that point)#and like?????? already he was telling me these fake things. but it was related to a media we both liked at the time#and it was just a thing me and my friends did. like we pretended some of us were married/dating characters or whatever and making things#up about our imaginary life w them or whatever. i was particularly into it and would write fanfic#or draw art about this etc#so it was on that note. but like i knew that this was fake? it was just a fun game for me like a coping mechanism but i still knew reality.#but rereading those logs now is chilling bc like the signs of him doing that were already there but somehow i never noticed???#fdhjksfhdsjfhdsjkfhdjkshfdjksfgfgsdjfgdsjfyuertezutrhfdsjgdhsgfdsjgfdhsgfdhsjfgdhsjfhjghfdjfjdslfhdjsfdhlsfhjdyufhdsjfkhdskjfsd#its fucked up too but i cant help a feeling of euphoria rereading those logs i was always just so happy to talk to him at the time.#so. fun! things to tell my therapist#lodia sayings
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Me seeing questionable and often vitriolic takes regarding Demetri Alexopoulos and Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz and scrolling onwards
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image of me politely not engaging with an interpretation of a character from my shows which i do not agree with and find to be in slightly poor taste
#the Demetri dislike/hate in particular seems largely to be pretty bad faith criticism#and comes from people who don't care to try and understand him as a character#like hell even back when I couldn't stand Tory#I understood why she hated Sam and what her motivations were for being a menace#I just didn't care for her and found her to be a self-pitying edgelord aksjidohf#the Demetri hate is always either “I don't like him because he's annoying” (and you WEREN'T as a teenager???)#or “I don't like him because he's a bad friend to Eli” (congrats on literally not paying attention to any of the show at all)#(and also assuming what would make a good friend to YOU applies to everyone you tunnel vision asshat)#like some people like having overprotective friends while some find it patronizing to not be allowed to fight their own battles#some socially awkward people (like pre-CK Eli!!!) prefer someone who will speak for them to take the pressure off#and some people would get annoyed at being spoken over#because everyone is different actually#meanwhile the Eli hate bleeds into straight up ableism#“I hate Hawk because he [insert behavior related to him most likely being autistic and mimicking questionable people]”#like yeah he's still responsible for being a shit but you HAVE to take the context into account#kid was manipulated and brainwashed and is doing his best to unlearn mindsets he was more vulnerable toward due to being ND#please give him a break!#demetri alexopoulos#demetri cobra kai#eli moskowitz#hawk
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mitsukuri · 2 months ago
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does anyone else interact with middle schoolers? i need to know if they're all insane or is it just my sibling and their friend who they always facetime with and the two are always screeching
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alaskan-wallflower · 7 months ago
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i swear the people who comment on IG reels have no life. call me soft or whatever but the comments literally reek of discord mod losers who live in their basements who smell like dick cheese.
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alexthetrashyracoon · 6 months ago
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Simon grinned at himself through the mirror like a stupid teenager in the changing room as Price, god bless this man and his father figure behavior, tugged on his tie to keep it straight and clean.
Wedding Day had come. His wedding day had come.
“Mate, you must be shakin’ with excitement to marry the pretty face.” Gaz grinned from his spot on the couch, all three of them dressed in their best attire. Even Soap hadn’t complained once about wearing a tie.
Simon’s mind wandered to you in the other room, he hadn’t seen you since last night, tradition, that’s what they called it.
He hoped you were having a blast, because you had to spend so many days and nights over the wedding plans that he had to get you to the hospital once after you broke down from exhaustion.
“Anyone ever thought big bad ol’ Ghost gets married?” Soap teased as he rummaged through the drawers at the desk. What exactly was he searching? Simon didn’t know or maybe he was too happy to question his best friend’s motives for now, they usually end in chaos and today was meant no chaos.
“I always believed Simon would find the one true love one day.” Price nodded and patted Simon’s chest, telling him he was done with the tie.
“Liar.” Gaz laughed and shook his head. “If you want to know who always believed in you, Lieutenant, that’s me. Ol’ Captain and MacTavish over here said you would die a virgin. We got a bet running for a while.”
Simon wasn’t even surprised or mad, maybe tomorrow, or the week after. But tonight he wanted to be on Cloud Nine and looking through the pink tinted glasses of love. Tonight he would say ‘yes’ to the person he loved the most, the one that kept him alive and sane and put up with his antics.
“I’m getting married.” He smiled at himself in the mirror.
“You’re getting married, son.” Price looked at him, through the mirror, a proud smile hidden under the beard.
A minute later his phone rang, your name and picture on the screen.
“Yes? Everything alright, darling?” Simon asked and looked at Price, worry flashing behind his brown eyes.
“I’m scared, Simon. I… I know this will sound crazy and you probably think I’m mad. But… I wanna run away.” You say, followed by a shaky breath. “But at the same time I don’t wanna run away but stay and marry you. Does it make sense?”
Simon relaxed immediately, you were nervous, as you should be. Just like him.
“How about this then, darling, we run away together until you know what you want.” He grinned and picked up his suit jacket.
Soap and Gaz were gasping at him.
“Let’s run away together and if you still feel like running, we blew off this party. And if not, we come back, say yes to each other tonight and live our happily ever after.”
Gaz asked if he was insane. Soap was looking between Simon and Price, who simply had the time of his life while opening the door for Simon to leave.
“Are you sure… do you… I mean…?” You started to ramble and mutter under your breath.
“Darling… For you I would go through hell and back. I am not complete without you anymore. There was a time before you, sure. But there will be no time after you. Together.” Simon spoke gently and could see through the phone who your cheeks turned pink and tears pricked your eyes. “I’ll be out in two minutes, don’t let me wait.”
(Spoiler, in the end Simon and you got married surrounded by friends and family. Price lost a bet to Laswell because they both know you two and knew you would pull such a stunt. Soap had gained a few more grey hairs than necessary and Gaz was pretty sure this was some kind of punishment, why else would you two pull something like that.)
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writingouthere · 9 months ago
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exboyfriend!Sukuna x f!reader.
cw: smut, outdoor sex, angst, controlling behavior.
Your date was a disappointment.
The guy wasn't an asshole or anything, but at some point he'd talked about cryptocurrency for ten minutes straight without you saying a word and there was no coming back from that.
"I had a great time," he tells you as you stand on the subway platform after finally escaping the restaurant. You nod noncommittally and wonder if this is the part where he asks for your number. You're calculating the risk/reward of giving him a fake number and having him potentially call it while you're still right in front of him when you hear a familiar laugh from behind you.
"I doubt it," the voice says and you close your eyes. Maybe if you wish hard enough you can develop teleportation and not have to deal with this.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" your date asks, his voice only wavering a little as he looks at your ex-boyfriend. Honestly, you admire him. The sight of the tall, heavily tattooed (alleged) criminal was usually enough to make people cross the street to avoid him but not this accountant? Investment baker? Dentist? Fuck, he'd talked about his job for thirty minutes and you had not been listening. You would have guilty if you weren't actively judging him for not even noticing your lack of engagement.
Whatever, he probably wasn't brave, he was probably just an idiot.
Sukuna seemed to agree as he laughed again and put his hand on your shoulder.
"I'm her boyfriend."
Your date looked at him, looked at you, and seemed to be weighing if this was worth one mediocre date. He seemed frozen for a second until Sukuna took a step forward and the guy's previously dormant survival instincts seemed to awaken and he booked it down the train platform.
Once he was out of sight, you took Sukuna's hand and dropped it off your shoulder like a fallen leaf that had got stuck on your jacket.
"Are you following me, now?" You wouldn't have put it past him. You turn to face your ex who looks not only unrepentant for his little routine but vindicated. Or maybe he just looks vindictive, you can never tell.
"Are you going on dates with any loser that asks?" He tosses back and you roll your eyes.
"You didn't even meet him."
"So, he wasn't a loser? And you weren't deciding if it was worth giving him a fake number and having him call you right then?"
You hated that he knew you so well.
"He seemed the type to call," you concede and Sukuna scoffs.
"Absolutely, that fucker is. Women have been giving that dumb fuck fake numbers since he was begging for them with his little Nokia flip phone."
"Is Nokia still a thing?" you ask and Sukuna glares at you.
"Do I look like Google to you? Hey, don't try to district me, princess. We were talking about how you seem to have gotten it into your mind that you can cheat on me with any guy with a pulse."
"I'm not cheating on, we're not together," you tell him as your train pulls up. You don't bother protesting as he follows you on it, even though you know the old apartment you used to share is in the other direction from your new place.
"The fuck we're not," he seethes. The other riders look at you and you see one or two guys deciding if it's worth trying to get involved but you're more concerned about the teenage girl who looks ready to fight this asshole for you. God, you loved women.
"You're making a scene," you tell him and he looks ready to make the scene Oscar worthy before you give him the look that used to make him not call your friends' babies ugly when you went to birthday parties.
"Where can we talk then?"
"I'm not taking you to my place," you say and he sucks his teeth.
"Then let's go home."
"You mean to your home."
Sukuna looks furious but you're not in the mood. You had just spent the past two hours on a terrible date, which made you think about how dating was just going to be like this until you found a new boyfriend or gave up, which then made you think about your break up and how up until a few months ago, you thought you would never go on a first date with anyone ever again.
You hated that Sukuna had put you here and you hated that you still loved him.
"I'm not leaving until we talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about."
You're so tired, Sukuna is so close and it's been so long since you got to smell him or feel his warmth. Your apartment was still barely furnished but everything in it was new and it still didn't feel like home. The one sweatshirt of his you'd let yourself take had stopped carrying his scent weeks ago, and just being close to him now, it made something in you relax. Like you were finally home.
"There fucking is," he hisses and now he's so close you can make out the scar on his jaw and the fullness of his lips. You used to tease him that you'd never met a man whose lips were as soft as his. He may have looked like tough shit, but you would never catch him out of the house without lotion and chapstick.
You wondered if he was still using the cherry chapstick you had bought him at the grocery store the week before you'd broken up.
"Are you going to marry me? Are you going to give me a baby?"
"Princess-"
"Then there's nothing to talk about," you say and you thank whoever's watching that the train is pulling up to your stop. You get off and Sukuna is right on your heels.
"You don't even want those things right now, why the fuck does it even matter?"
"I want them eventually and if you're not willing to give them to me, then I just don't think I need to keep wasting my time."
You're roughly dragged into a nearby alley and tossed against a brick wall. Sukuna's hand cups the back of your head, taking the force of the slam and you hate that he watches out for you even when he's being a controlling jackass.
"Being with me is wasting your time? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Not your girlfriend," you snap back. "Let go, I want to go home."
"Fuck you," he tells you and you're about ready to fight him, grown scary man or not when he leans down and his lips are on yours.
They taste like cherry chapstick.
His hand on the back of your head tightens, his thumb pressing against your neck and making you shiver. His other hand is pressed tight to your jaw and when you gasp against his mouth, he presses down as if he can hold you open and consume you so you can't leave him again.
His muscled thigh is in between yours and you can feel the rough texture of his jeans, the same pair he wore to work, the same pair you'd put through the washing machine a thousand times, rub against where your legs are only covered in tights. The shorter than usual skirt meant to entice your date, and instead it was being taken advantage of by your ex-boyfriend.
Sukuna let go of your face so he could put his hand underneath the fabric of your skirt.
"New outfit?" He teases as his hand slides to the top of your tights.
"Got it for my date," you snap and he growls at you before he rips the seams of your tights. Before you can complain, he's dragging them down your thighs and diving into your panties so he can get to your cunt. The underwear is new too and a pained noise leaves you at the sensation of them snapping against your inner thigh, both at the pain and the thought of how much they cost.
"I still have those blue ones you like at home, the ones you wore for my birthday last year," he tells you as he slides his finger down the seam of your cunt. You're wet and it annoys you because orgasming has been a bitch to achieve since you had to start giving them to yourself again.
"You can keep them," you tell him and he bites your lower lip between his teeth, they'd always felt too sharp for a man and you know you're a twitch or a less than playful nibble away from a busted lip.
"They're not really up for wearing anymore anyway."
You want to ask him what he means by that as he kisses down your neck and thrusts one finger into you, the slide almost unholy.
"So fucking wet, your cunt was always better at talking than you were."
The sensation of being filled even though it's not enough it's not enough begins to itch at your need to be satisfied as your mind fills in the gaps of his previous words.
You can imagine Sukuna in the bed you used to share, the dark blue sheets and the comforter covered in a black pattern that had reminded you of the marks that covered his body. One hand holding your favorite pair of panties and the other his big cock, that sometimes you missed even more than him.
Did he use the panties to jerk off with, the fabric just an expensive tissue for his cum? Did he hold them to his nose and pretend he could still smell your pussy on them in the bed that used to smell like both of you? You had tried watching porn and reading smut, the stuff you had relied on before you were together, and nothing compared to what it felt like to come from his fingers, his tongue, his cock.
The only times you had touched yourself when you were together were when Sukuna had wanted to watch, his commentary pushing you to the edge. He had always known what to say.
Good girl, now try two fingers for me. Not enough? Do you need my cock? Fucking slutty princess, eh?
No matter how demeaning his words were, you had never felt true shame because his desire for you was always apparent. Sukuna never held back praise where he felt it was deserved, and he had always been quick to let you know that what you were doing was pleasing him.
"Pay attention to me, princess. I'd hate to think I was boring you." The words are laced with cruelty and the added pressure of a second figure is harsh, too soon, and still not enough.
The hand in your hair tightens, but the grip still careful not to mess it up beyond repair. Something you'd been adamant about in the beginning days of your relationship. The gentleness of it, of him, makes you cry out.
Since Sukuna was the only one who still seemed cognizant of how you were in an alley, only a right turn from being on a public sidewalk, he was quick to catch your moan in his mouth. Nearly purring in reply, a ridiculous thing for a ridiculous man to do.
"Fuck, that's it. No one else can make you feel like this, this cunt is fucking mine."
"Yes," you hiss out in agreement. Pleased with your concession, Sukuna's thumb swipes over your clit as he continues his punishing rhythm with his fingers. You can hear how wet you are as it echoes off the brick around you. Even though it's cold outside, you feel almost too hot between the warmth of his body shielding yours from the world around you and the heat that's continuing to build up in your core.
"So close, I know you are. Beg me, princess and I might let you come," he whispers in your ear and you would feel embarrassed of the whine you let out if you weren't so close.
"Please, Sukuna. Please, let me come!"
"I don't know. Not sure if I should reward you since you've apparently being going around giving this pussy to fucking anyone."
You shake your head. "No, I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up."
Sukuna kisses you so hard, you're grateful for the hand behind your head because you know his knuckles must be bruised from the force he kisses you with. Sukuna pulls back, a string of saliva connecting his lips to yours and you hate that you find that hot. That this whole thing is hot.
For a second, the softness in his eyes takes your breath away and you almost forget about where you are and what you're doing and why it's the worst idea you've ever had. He's just Sukuna, the love of your life and you miss him so much.
You think he might say something crazy like he loves you or even propose but then the softness is gone and he just grins at you.
"Alright, come then, you've earned it."
With permission granted, Sukuna focuses his attention on your clit in just that way you like in the way that only someone who's done this hundreds of times could do. He's definitely leaving hickies around your collarbone and neck, but for now they feel good and when you come, you bite your lip knowing it will be bruised. A reminder of how you're an idiot when you look at it in the mirror tomorrow.
Still soft with your orgasm, you reach down to return the favor but Sukuna grabs your hand.
"I'm not walking around with cum in my jeans," he tells you, kissing your palm. Typical of him, to end something crass with something sweet. You sigh as he puts you back down on the ground. You pull up what remains of your tights, the fabric uncomfortable on your quickly drying thighs. Your ripped panties lie on the ground and Sukuna looks at them forlornly before shaking his head, dirty alleyway panties apparently being too much even for him.
Sukuna grabs the bag you'd dropped when he'd kissed you and gestures for you to exit the alley. A few passersby give you strange looks but you figure if you were going to be arrested for public indecency, it would have happened already.
"I guess we're going to mine," you say. "I live like another two blocks this way."
"I know," Sukuna says already heading that way.
You blow a piece of hair out of your eye. "Of course you do."
When Sukuna actually types in the passcode to your building you almost lose it, but you're tired and honestly you had kind of expected to just come home to him already in your apartment at some point. Sukuna had never been great at respecting boundaries. Or the law.
You unlock the door to your apartment, it takes everything in you not to ask if he already has a key. You don't want to know. He follows you in and the two of you sit at the dingy two person table you have set up by one of the only windows.
"Cozy."
"Fuck you." He smirks in that way that has always made you want to punch him and you're reminded that you're currently wearing shredded tights.
"Sukuna, you wanted to talk. So talk."
The smirk leaves his face and he looks at his nails, pressing his thumb against the one on his pointer finger and then looking through the 'o' formed there. "You left."
"I did."
He looks at you. "Why?"
"You know why," you say, tired again.
"Sure, you want to get married at some point. You want a baby at some point. I don't see what that has to do with us, right now."
"Because right now leads to that some point. It doesn't just happen. There are things I want, that are important to me. If they're not important to you, then I need to find someone who has the same priorities as me."
"Because I'm not your priority," he says and this is the rehash of an argument you'd had a thousand times. Sukuna was selfish and possessiveness and while that had always granted you a certain security, it had also been a chain you'd constantly worn around your ankle. You weren't going to defend your time at work or with friends to your boyfriend. That belonged to a different time, to different women and it had been a nonnegotiable early in your relationship that he figure that shit out with himself.
"Sukuna, I love you but I'm not going to give up what I want for my future because you don't want it. You don't have to want it, in fact I appreciate that you've been honest about it-"
"So appreciative, you left me," the words are almost snarled and you sigh.
"That's not fair. You can't be mad I want something else, the same way I'm not mad that you want something else. It's not a character flaw to not want to get married, or to not what kids. It just means you have a person out there for you who shares that view. Because it's not me."
"Why can't it be enough to just have a life with the two of us?"
"It's not about whether or it's enough, it's about me wanting something else."
There's a pause. Sukuna claws at the dents already in your battered table and deepens the grooves as you try not to flinch at the sound of his nails bearing down on wood.
Finally, he responds. "You know, I spent my childhood, my teens and a lot of adulthood raising Yuuji because our piece of shit parents couldn't be bothered and let me tell you. It's fucking hard. It is constant and they need so much for you. I didn't do anything but work and watch him for almost two decades and I don't want to do that again. I want my own life."
"I understand," you tell him. "That was a lot, even if you did a great thing by taking him in."
"It wasn't because I was nice. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a murderer. And you want me to fucking watch Bluey with some brat."
"You may not be nice but you do right by the people you care about. I also don't think you've murdered a baby, it would probably be okay."
"That's more incidental than a conscience choice," he says and you know he has to hear how ridiculous he sounds.
"Alright. I respect your decision but for what it's worth, we're not kids anymore and you wouldn't be doing this alone. I think Yuuji turned out pretty great because he had you, and I think any kid of our would be lucky to have you as a dad."
"You would really do all that with me," he says and his voice is as close to wonderous as you've ever heard it. "You really are a lost cause."
You try not to react, remind yourself that this is always how Sukuna responds to affection. He'd laughed at you the first time you'd told him you loved him. You'd punched him and broken your hand on his chin. He'd told you he loved you in the ER as the attendant resetting your hand looked on in horror.
"I think that's enough for today. Thanks for stopping by and for the orgasm, appreciate it," you say, rising from the chair. You walk the short trip to your door and open it. "Hope you have a safe trip home."
Sukuna stays seated. "That's it?"
"Yeah, Sukuna, that's it."
"And if I said I could do this, I could give you those things."
You think about it and look him over. How his hands twitch as if only his ego is preventing them from clenching. The clear trauma that was informing his previous stance.
"I'd say take some time and maybe talk to someone. I don't want to do this with someone who can just bring themselves to bear it. I want them to be as excited as me."
"That's asking for a lot from a guy."
"But someone will do it." Sukuna looks angry again and when he steps in your space, you push him gently away with your hand. He goes to hold it and even the familiar scrape of his calluses against your skin can't make you waver.
"Bye, Sukuna."
Sukuna looks at you, waiting for you to give in you know but you won't.
He leaves without another word.
When the door to the stairwell slams shut, you finally let yourself cry.
----------
It's been a month since you've seen Sukuna and you're on another date.
The guy is unoffensive. He gave you a hug when you met up and he'd made a joke about the plethora of other couples at the restaurant. You two started playing a game where you tried to guess how many dates each couple had been on?
"Three, she's finally figured out she can't put up with how he chews no matter how nicely coiffed his hair is," your date says as you take another sip of your drink.
"That's a second date, his chewing is a commit or quit type of deal and she looks ready to go. Bet they didn't eat together on their first date."
"Is he telling the plot to Dune, he has not stopped talking since we sat down," he says and you giggle despite yourself.
You've just started on the couple both looking determinedly at their phones by the window when your phone rings.
"Sorry, I need to take this," you say and he smiles.
"No worries, I'll let you know how many times she misses her mouth while looking at her phone."
You wave as you go to stand outside. You take a deep breath and then answer.
"Hey."
"Hey, princess. Bad time?"
"No, just, what do you want?"
"Well, I'm planning this first date with this girl and I'm having trouble figuring out how to explain something."
You want to throw up, what kind of test is this?
"What do you want to say?"
"Well, I've heard that it's important to be straightforward with your intentions, so you don't waste anyone's time."
"And what are your intentions?" You manage to spit out and he laughs, his smugness almost seeping out the phone.
"Well not anytime soon, but eventually I think I'd like a little brat. You know, prove to Yuuji that he wasn't a fluke."
You heart is pounding and you hate him. You love him.
"Uh huh."
"And I guess it would probably be easier to do that if we just got married. You know, taxes, healthcare, I still don't have healthcare but my wife will and I've heard you can add people to that."
"This proposal is the fucking worst one I've ever heard," you say, trying to ignore the fact you are now crying in front of a restaurant. People walk by giving you pitying looks, probably think you got stood up.
"It's not a proposal, it's a framing of intent."
"Why do you talk like such an old man, we are almost the same age?"
"Why do you talk like such a brat?"
"You know-"
"Probably," he says and you laugh despite yourself.
"So when is this date?"
"Tonight," he says. "You can wear that dress you're wearing, it looks perfect on you."
"Are you fucking here, you creep?"
"That's no way to talk to your future husband and no. That place is a shithole, I'm at our usual."
"Good, I've missed it. No one makes my drink the way I like it," you tell him and he hums.
"Well, it will be waiting for you when you get here. So get here soon."
"Alright, I'll see you soon."
Sukuna hangs up and you stand there. There's a perfectly nice guy inside. One who makes you laugh and who maybe one day you could grow to love.
But there's another guy across town who is sitting at your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite drink. His lips taste like the organic chapstick, he claims to be too tacky to be worth wearing but keeps it in his pocket anyway. He built all your furniture and let you paint your bathroom green even though you live in a rental. He's held your hair back when you were sick and cleaned it up even as he bitched at you for the mess and done a rather cruel impression of you retching.
There's another guy that you love.
So you go back into the restaurant to tell your perfectly nice date that something has come up.
Maybe you're a fool, but what else could you do?
Maybe this will be a series, idk. Being an adult is weird. This is def ooc but you know, let me work through things and call them fiction. That's what this account is for.
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lady-ashfade · 11 months ago
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Our comfort
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Platonic!Yan!Camp Half-Blood x Comfort!Goddess!Reader. (Percy, Annabeth, Grover)
—£ Yes I know I haven’t finish the book but I actually couldn’t wait anymore. So, this is me with little knowledge so bare that in mind.
—£ Warnings: Book/show spoilers, Yandere! Behavior, Being bound to a place, Possessive behavior, Obsessive behavior, Manipulation, Characters fighting for the reader’s attention. Short.
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You weren’t a known for too long goddess, much younger then rest of the gods. A teenager like age compared to them. It was strange to have more powerful gods look to you for comfort but you love it. As you are the goddess of comfort.
But, as the other gods started to have many demigods you saw how miserable they could get. You hated the fact they didn’t care for their children so you decided to stay at the camp for half-bloods when the time came.
The campers cling to you. You bring a comfort they never quite felt before. It was like a warm hug, like the ones they wanted from their parents.
You couldn’t leave, and at the beginning you were glad to accept that fate.
Almost always you are found surrounded by demigods and they just relax in your comfort. You are the one they go to with every worry in their mind.
Being close to Aphrodite, her seeing you as a sister and a younger child. Stories of your love for one another are still told today, as she gave ideas to the mortals of how great your relationship was. But in reality there wasn’t much to tell.
So her children have a mentality that they are your favorite and because of their mother, they have some sort of claim to you above the others. But that never works because you love the children equally.
The demigods have less nightmares with you around and watching over them.
Ares children fight often for your affection. They will constantly get into fights with others to show they deserve more time with you. Which you always scold them but it never sticks. They kiss their weapons each time to you, like a sign of good luck. Aries children are one of the worsts ones because they get aggressive at times, even with you. But the golds make them stop by punishing them, mostly their father.
Hermes children are hard to explain really. They aren’t aggressive, but they are mischievous. They take their revenge of stealing things from the other campers, pulling pranks. Or trapping some of them up and go straight to you before they can get there. Luke for instance, is always looking around for you and talking about his day. He’s either laying down next to you, or making you watch him train.
Many games of all houses take place just for you.
AnnaBeth, is constantly by your side when she has free time. She scares off people with a glare behind your back, knowing that she could put plan them. She also trains and makes you watcher her and needs your praise. Maybe, somehow you are her older sister. But, sometimes she just chills by your side not saying anything, she’s like a lost duck at times.
Grover however is actually a lost duck. You comfort him when his past missions fail and he loses kids. You are so nice to him and makes him feel special and brave. When he has to leave he keeps a coin in his pocket with your face on it and prays a lot. He’s not possessive much. He’s willing to take what he can get and is just happy to be there. But maybe if someone comes in when he’s “crying” and having you fuss over him then he’ll be a bit mad but never does anything about it.
When a new camper arrives you devote your time to them because they need it a little more. They come into a world they know nothing of, waiting for the parent they hardly know to claim them. You claim them like your own until the time comes.
So when Percy comes you feel something off with him, like he is special and in need of a lot. He lost his mom, taken from the world he knew.
Percy becomes the most possessive out of all of them.
He feels out of place but you are always there to listen to him. It doesn’t help that you follow him to make sure he’s okay. At the beginning you’re both following each other around.
“It’s okay, Percy.” You brush his hair lightly like his mother used to do. “You’ll get claim, and you’ll have glory.” And he doesn’t care if you say that to everyone because you make him feel special. 
Also, you protect the new bloods. So you’ll show up when he gets bullied and just raise one brow and they all back off. Can’t risk making you mad at them.
When Percy gets claimed he’s all alone again, no friends and the campers looking at him funny. Being one of the top threes son isn’t fun or easy. He shares a cabin all to himself.
So he starts to be the worst of them all. Raising his voice when you try and leave him and he manipulates you to stay with him. Can’t you see how alone he is?
He can’t sleep unless he knows your watching over him.
You pick no sides of the war. Your family will figure it out themselves, while you take care of their children.
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imraespace · 2 months ago
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LIFE AS RIN ITOSHI'S GIRLFRIEND.
- fem! reader x rin itoshi
THIS includes : headcannons/fanfic , texts , insta posts , twt posts genre: crack , fluff
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BEFORE DATING -how did you befriend him?
RIN obviously comes off as blunt or harsh even unfriendly, so him even making friends will be hard, let alone forming a relationship in that sense.
With his head so deep into football, he won't even make time for anyone unless it's important, or affecting him in someway. So how do you even befriend him?
RIN is a sixteen-year-old teenager, he may be serious all the time but that doesn't take away his teenage mind. Of course things like crushes exist in his world as well, he will just simply ignore them.
So what will happen if you speak to him, completely unaware of the negative traits of the boy?
.
.
Such a smile you have, blinding him, of course he will slowly fall for you. Things like friends is something he's not familiar with so when you asked him to be friends, he was a bit confused.
Friends with him?
With you now in his life, it wasn't only football and practice. It was hanging out and slowly letting him break down his wall. Meeting someone new, who isn't a rival in the world he lives, it's quite different for him.
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CRUSHING STAGE -how is he like with his crush?
RIN now has a new feeling in his life! Something he's has never once felt before. Without thinking, he turns in your direction whenever he hears your voice, scans the area for your figure or randomly daydream about the last time you both hang out. He finds it weird..
Why is this happening to him?
Before, he found rather annoying. His life was just simple, he wakes up, goes to school, practice, then repeat. Now he can't even keep a straight mind on the field, thoughts concerning you always appear. "Would you notice him on this same field?" "Where are you?" "What-
It will only cease when he eyes lands on you and his mind goes blank when he sees that face.
Before he wasn't welcomed into this side of the teenage world so when he sees you with your friends, male ones perhaps, a strange feeling sits in his core.
Why hang out with him and not RIN?
These days, when he sees it a different side of him wants to snatch you away and forbid that boy from speaking to you. No way he's better than RIN.
He glares at you both, hoping you will get the hint and leave that boy.
.
.
.
Successfully, you noticed his strange behavior and before he could take action, you did first. You cleared the air and calmed his nerves.
This is what RIN ITOSHI loved about you.
Differences sometimes attract.
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DATING HIM - life as rin itoshi's girlfriend.
There will be some ups and downs in the first part of your dating life with him. Rin's main goal in life is to beat his older brother, so that played a main factor.
He may chose football over a lot of things like hanging out or dates if it clashes with his practice time. So patience was the best subject you used. Deep down you blew up everytime he left you for some sport.
So what if you put your foot down, told him to manage his time because it's not fair. His first crush threatening the relationship?
He will confess to you that this is his first time in this world and that will bring a small smile to your face.
"All you had to do was to tell me that, we can work together."
And that's where the rise of your relationship started.
RIN wants to be the best striker in the world and as his girlfriend you support him in many ways. RIN takes note of that and does the same for you. Whatever you want in your life, RIN supports you just the same way you do towards him.
RIN doesn't speak about the relationship publicly, not that he's hiding it, he just don't see the need to speak about it to anyone. Why do they need to know what's happening in his life?
You found it a bit funny, but accepted his wishes. Maybe later in the relationship, things like launching the relationship will be a choice.
What if you both decided to go on a date?
RIN seems to be a simple person, so indoor dates might suit him. Though, dates outdoor are welcomed as well.
Indoor dates may be in your room, or his, watching scary movies together. It's his favorite kind of date, mainly because everytime there's a jumpscar, you cling onto him for life. Bonus points to this date because there's scary movies.
Outdoor dates could be in a simple eating place, just being in each other's presence with food after school warms each other's hearts quite a bit. RIN might offer his favorite food, ochazuke, to you if he sees it.
What about your side of the relationship?
At first of course, he was a lot to handle but slowly with your skills, you broke his wall and invited yourself into his life!
Dating an athlete came with some pros and cons.
Firstly, he's hot! But attracts the fans.
Also he's tall!.. which also attracts fans.
He also treats football as if it's his life. But with this factor, you learned about the sport to maybe relate to him in some ways.
You don't understand it half of the time but it's the thought that counts!
Remember I talked about his height? That's one of your favorite things about RIN!
Silently, you sometimes sneak up to him and jump on his back when you both are alone! Depending on how shorter you are compared to RIN, piggy backs are always your favorite! He rarely complains about it. When he does, you're still on his back anyways.
What if you came over to his house?
With his special height, things like his clothes aren't wearable. What if the first time you came over, you borrowed a jacket from him? Then suddenly the next time at school he sees you drowning in it. Comfortable clothing cane be found in your boyfriend's closet and he let's you do it. He complains, but doesn't stop you.
You also found his baby pictures! And kept them on your phone without him noticing.
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TEXTS - daily texts
With you now in his life, his phone rings more than usual. So now, on a regular, whenever he sees a notification appears, his first thought is you.
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SOFT LAUNCH - how did you open up about your relationship?
RIN ITOSHI didn't care about soft launch or hard launch, he doesn't even understand what launch is so when he suddenly saw a few faceless pics of himself on your media he wondered why didn't you just post him up? Yet he didn't question anything, he let's you do your own thing.
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TWEETS - daily tweets
After launching your relationship to everyone, RIN saw a lot of different opinions yet even though he hid it, he loved the fact that you show him off.
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IN THE END..
Dating RIN ITOSHI would be shakey at first thanks to his past he builds up walls. Thanks to that, everyone misunderstand him most of the time.
So you entering his life all of a sudden with these new emotions always catch him off guard. Slowly, he will understand and then the term relationship, and he will understand you.
.
.
.
"Y/N?" His voiced called out in the darkness. You asked for a sleepover yet a few hours into the game, you already fell asleep.
He stared at your sleeping figure for a bit then back at the screen. He sighed, turning off the screen and fixed your blanket.
Your head rested on his pillow and soft snores is the only thing he heard. Sadly, you won't notice his small smile and the kiss he rested on your cheek.
Thankfully, you changed his small world.
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IMRAESPACE || MASTERLIST
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lexsssu · 11 months ago
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Light (Sung Jinwoo)
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TAGS: Jinwoo/Wife!reader, a/b/o dynamics, yandere, possessive behavior, death threats, breeding, impregnation, oneshot Ao3 ver. | Ko-fi | Commissions (OPEN)
‘E-Rank Hunter’ Sung Jinwoo, a title that followed him wherever he went.
Despite being a Hunter, his power was barely above an ordinary human aside from his slightly more durable constitution and slightly increased healing factor. 
So it’s only natural that he’d always get hurt. Hell, he’d even nearly gotten killed several times already too!
It’s not that Jinwoo wanted to be a Hunter in the first place, because aside from the danger, others also made fun of him for his weakness. Even the pay was surprisingly not that great.
Unfortunately, someone in his mid-20s who lacked any viable skills that could land him a normal, stable job could only work for the Hunter’s Association as one of their Hunters thanks to their medical aid. Had it not been for that, he wouldn’t have been able to afford the millions of won in medical bills he owed to the hospital that took care of his mother. 
It’s not even just his mother that he had to provide for, but there was also his little sister and…
“Look Yeonjin, it’s Papa!”
Worn out from another hard days’ work, E-Rank Hunter Sung Jinwoo felt all the fatigue in his body seemingly melt away into nothingness as the sight and scent of his wife and child soothed his weary soul.
“Baba!” Yeonjin babbled excitedly as his father made a beeline straight towards you both.
“Welcome home, honey.” You press a kiss to the corner of his lips, smiling up at him with those beautiful eyes he always finds himself lost in.
This is why even if he didn’t want to, he would still participate in these Association supervised raids.
No sacrifice is too great when it comes to his loved ones and regardless of how incompetent he was as a Hunter, Jinwoo will do everything in his power to ensure that they are cared and provided for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You’ve been with Sung Jinwoo ever since you were both just awkward teenagers in high school. When his mother succumbed to Eternal Slumber and left the two siblings to fend for themselves, instead of leaving you surprised Jinwoo and moved into their cozy little home and took it upon yourself to keep the house running.
While Jinwoo did his best to provide for the family’s needs, you would ensure that Jinah and the house was taken care of, this of course also included the man himself whenever he came home from a raid. You even managed to get a remote job that helped with the bills in spite of juggling that with your online college classes as well. 
You and Jinwoo had gone through so much together over the past decade so was it any surprise you’d end up married and with a child? 
Former friends and schoolmates might have tried to dissuade you time and time again to leave him, pitying you for spending your youth making ends meet and watching over your comatose mother-in-law, Jinah, and now your own baby.
But you don’t need their ‘advice’ when it all basically boiled down to having you leave your family because you ‘deserved better.’
They are already what’s best for you.
Why can’t they see that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ How are you and Sung Jinwoo? Sorry I couldn’t check up on you guys sooner. Life’s been pretty hectic on my end.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t attend your baby shower before! I had an important appointment that I couldn’t bail out on back then. Why don’t we go out for coffee to catch up?”
“...way too long since we last got together! Our whole class is gonna have a reunion this weekend. Everyone will be stoked to see you and Sung Jinwoo there— ”
Beep.
You don’t have the chance to reply to the latest call you received from another ‘old friend’ when your husband pressed the ‘end’ button in one swift movement. Though his face looked impassive, his scent clearly revealed his agitation…not to mention the shadows that seemed to curl spread from the soles of his feet.
“First they tell you that I’m not good enough for you and that you should leave me, but now they’re all tripping over themselves just to get to me through you…” His lips stretched into a snarl, power rolling off of him in waves at their blatant shamelessness.
Jinwoo’s inner alpha snorted and growled, the mere thought of these impertinent swine daring to involve themselves with his mate even if to gain some sort of favor from him made him see red. 
How dare they?! He will rip and tear into their bodies and reap their souls to become his puppets if they so much as even approach you. Did they think he was bound by the rules of ordinary mortals? Foolish! 
The hunter’s alpha grinned diabolically, cackling from within the confines of his soul at thought of giving them their just desserts.  
“My big, strong alpha…Always willing to jump into the fray to provide for and protect us…How can I even think about choosing anyone else?” You crooned and purred at him, the soft sounds and your calming scent enveloping him and taming the shadows that once agitatedly tried to claw their way out of him to carry out his will. 
Burrowing into his arms, you embrace his waist and nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck as best as you could considering his height had also shot up recently. A few soothing kisses and kitten licks against the skin of his neck later, Jinwoo’s darkness ceased pouring out of him.
Because now he focused on wholeheartedly pouring every last drop of cum into your quivering pussy, thrusting weakly even as his fat knot plugged you up. Your lower belly bulged with the amount of cum he’d already fucked into you, but he still didn’t think it was enough.
At the rate he was going, he’s definitely gonna knock you up again.
Not that you were complaining. It was about time for Yeonjin to finally have a sibling to love.
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voonroo · 10 months ago
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I have an idea! Only do it if you feel comfortable though 🙌🏻 no pressure
Teen reader with Alastor who have this father-daughter bond. Teen reader has never really 'acted out' in a sense. At least not in ways expected of in a sinner. Always had manners, polite, and reserved, yet was always open and honest with Alastor.
Now imagine reader out on the town doing some errands and they overhear a demon talking some nasty crap about Alastor. For the first time, they let their anger get the better of them and get into a fight with the demon. Not without a few cuts and bruises though, poor thing.
Reader not wanting Alastor to get angry or disappointed at them decide that it's best that just this one, they won't mention anything. They'll not tell him this one thing. It won't hurt. He won't know!
Yet it's Alastor. And he always knows. Mainly because they're reading sunglasses inside and trying (failing) to cover up a limp.
Are Ya Winning Child?
⌐‣Alastor & Teen Reader
Want more? Check out the masterlist↩︎
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AUTHOR’S NOTE: KSNAKXNSM I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS I AM LIVING FOR THESE REQUESTS. I ACTUALLY HAD TO TAKE BREAKS WRITING THIS TO BREATHE. I WAS GENUINELY TWEAKING LIKE ALASTOR WAS THIS LAST EPISODE WRITING THIS.
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Alastor & Teen Reader
You had always been one to hold your tongue and watch your actions. To not act out on rashness. That's how you had always been, even before ending up in hell. You had always been known for your good manners, even as a kid and it's only become more solidified in your character as you grew.
Then why was it so hard to not beat the living shit out of the demon in front of you.
There's no way they didn't know you were connected with the infamous radio demon in some way. Maybe they had seen you and him out and about here recently and knew you two had a connection. People are more courageous than ever to question Alastor’s authority since his 7-year absence.
Maybe the demon is just trying to get a rise out of you. Sinners, who were once people, tend to poke and prod at what they don't understand. “How could some random teenage sinner be so close to the radio demon? Maybe they have a deal? The poor soul probably got tricked…” You've heard it all by now.
But, every time someone said something would be in hushed whispers that were easy to ignore. However, it can be quite hard to ignore some random drunkard spouting lies from his lips. And straight to your face too.
“He’s probably got your ass on a leash doesn't he?” and “Oh! If he's so powerful—” There were a few loud noises, maybe a scream or two.
What…? Oh shit.
The walk back to the hotel was not fun. You really should have just ignored him. Silencing him was not worth the pain you had in your leg and the ache you felt. You're pretty sure you got a black eye too.
By the time you arrive, you have adorned sunglasses on your face come up with an idea as to why you have them, and practiced how to hide your limp until you at least got up the stairs.
By telling those who questioned your weird behavior, “Oh someone was giving out free sunglasses they didn't want anymore so I took one.” and walking past your sorry excuse of trying to hide a limp, you finally made it to your room.
However, you didn't have peace for long until a familiar knock sounded at your door. Quickly throwing back on your sunglasses, you heard Alastor’s static voice through the door.
“I heard you arrived back from town just a few minutes ago!” Oh, he's definitely already on your trail…
You walked- well more so limped, over to the door. Signing in defeat before tossing the sunglasses on your bed.
Fuck it, he probably already knows.
Opening the door, you were immediately met with the radio demon himself. His eyes already shooting up and down your figure. From your leg to your black eye.
“May I come in?” It sounded like more of a command rather than a question. Without much thought, you opened the door wider before going back over to your bed and sitting down on the edge. Staring blankly ahead like a guilty child who got caught with their hand in a cookie jar. There's no point in trying to argue that you're fine when you know Alastor will just keep pestering you until you tell him.
Sitting down next to you, Alastor sat with you in silence for a moment. As if giving you the chance to speak up first, but when you didn't he let out a soft sigh before gently cupping your face, turning your head to look at him.
“What happened.” The average sinner would have been scared shitless at his tone, but you were only mildly frightened. However, there was definitely ill intent behind his smile. He knows you didn't just do this to yourself. You had to have a reason, you don't usually act out of line.
“I got into a fight.” His hand dropped from your face as you spoke, his smile growing wider before he let out a chuckle. His shoulders slightly shaking and his eyes closed in euphoria. His next words were clear when he spoke, looking you in the eyes.
“And did you win?”
“Yeah…?”
Another chuckle left his lips, though, it sounded more like a childish giggle. His hand raised again, landing on your head before ruffling your hair. A proud smile on his face.
“Good.”
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Word Count: 735
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theanimeoftheblackbunnymask · 2 months ago
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Transitions (Yandere Dazai x Reader)
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Author's Note: This is based on the idea I had on how it would feel to be going from PM!Dazai's behavior towards his darling to ADA!Dazai's behavior. I also think people forget that Dazai was a teenager while he was in the Port Mafia, so reader is also around his age.
Warnings: Implied Non-Con, Mental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Torture, Emotional Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Delusions, Child Abuse, Assault, Implied Murder, PTSD, Panic Attacks Mentioned, Mental Breakdowns, Suicide Dicussed, Teasing, Mocking, and Sadism.
Links: {Masterlist} {Idea Concept}
Is it possible for a man like Dazai to change?
That was the only thing on your mind. You had been stuck with the man for years, you can remember the day of your abduction perfectly.
It was quick.
You were walking home from work. After your mother lost her job it became quite hard for her to pay the bills, so you picked up a job at the local grocery store. Balancing both High School and Work was no easy task. Your normal schedule was going to school until 3, tutoring until 4, and from 4 to 11 it was straight work. You'd often have to pull all nighters just to do assignments.
The day of your abduction was the day all those all nighters caught up with you. You walked with a drag, your vision blurred as you tried to stay awake, and every few seconds you'd let out a yawn. Normally you'd take the bus home or one of your co-workers would give you a ride, but recently you guys had grown short on staff, making you the only worker that night, and since it was a holiday the bus was running on a different schedule. Knowing what you knew about Dazai, he planned this all perfectly.
As you were walking you bumped into him, and maybe it was your exhaustion, but the moment you bumped into his chest you fell into his arms, your body going limp as he held you tightly.
That was the day you lost all freedom.
-----------------------------
"Wake up Princess/Princie~"
Opening your eyes, staring down at you was a suspiciously happy Dazai. You only stared at him as he sat next to you on the bed. When he initially kidnapped you, you were kept in a cell in the Port Mafia base.
You still remember how cold it was in there. The blood. The noise. Everything that took place in that cell still haunts you to this day. The very reminder of it sends a chill down your spine.
Now, the room you were kept in was actually a room. A queen sized bed in the middle, a vanity in the corner, a closet next to it, and on the other side of the room was a door that led to the bathroom. The room was decorated to your liking, but the only downside was the massive window that was barred up, forever reminding you of a freedom so close yet so far from your grasp.
"What's the matter? You still mad at me?" Dazai asked in his infamous baby voice, putting his hands on your cheeks in order for you to meet his gaze.
You only turned you head away, keeping your mouth shut.
Letting out a sigh, Dazai spoke. "Hey, don't be like that, Y/N."
You still didn't budge.
"You know that bastard deserved it."
"Did he, Dazai? Did he?" You snapped, now sitting up.
"Traitors don't live, Y/N," Dazai said nonchalantly as he got off the bed. "You should know that better then anyone."
You do.
"Why are you up so early?" You asked.
"The boss has a mission for Chuuya and I. I should be back around midnight, so you can do whatever you want in here until then!"
"Dazai."
"Hm?"
"Can I...," You paused, clenching your fist. "Ask you something?"
"Of course my dear! Ask away."
"When...when will you let me out?"
You felt energy in the room switch as Dazai's face dropped.
"Oh...My sweet, little Y/N," Dazaj cooed as he made his way towards you, gently grabbing your face. "You're a smart girl/boy. I know you know the awnser to that. Or will I have to remind you?"
His question immediately struck you with fear as you look up to him in a panic. Your hands shook as you tried to get him hands off your face, but his nails only dug further.
"Will I?"
The bloodlust in his tone. The emptiness in his eyes. It's all too familiar.
"No...no! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry for asking, just please..." You pleaded as you gripped your hair, you eyes fixated on your lap as memories flooded your mind. "Not again.'
You could sense the smirk on his face as he kissed your forehead. "Smart choice. "
As you watched him leave through the exit of your prison, you could feel a tear roll down your face as the door slammed shut.
------------------------------
Chuuya was the only person in the entire Port Mafia who you felt cared at least a little bit about your situation. Besides you and Mori, he knew just how cruel Dazai could be, and whenever he spotted whatever bandages were on your body, for the quickest second you could see sympathy in his eyes. You remember one time he found you crying in your cell after one of Dazai's punishments. Your body was in so much pain that you could barely move, and your mind was scattered that you couldn't even think straight. You were naked and cold, but your skin burned in pain.
Tilting his head down, using his hat to hide his gaze, Chuuya quietly opened the cell, laid his coat over you, and walked out just as quickly and quietly as he had entered.
However, you kept your fondness of Chuuya a secret from Dazai. You knew Dazai would never kill Chuuya even if he found out about his acts of kindness. Jealous? Most likely. Angry? Definitely not. Dazai saw and knew everything you did, every thought you had, you knew that he most likely knew. He was always watching you, or at least he made you believe so.
And that was why you haven't escaped yet.
The thing is, escaping Dazai is easy, stupidly easy, but staying free was damn near impossible. He could find you in a matter of seconds, or you would run back before he realized you were gone. You see, there was 1 time you escaped Dazai, and it was a moment that you would never forget. He made sure of that.
It was a week after your abduction. You were able to notice that everytime Dazai left for a mission, he'd never lock your door. So, when he told you that he'd be gone for a couple of days in order to complete a mission, you took that as your chance.
You were able to make it to the city were you wandered around for a bit. Eventually your exhaustion caught up to you, so you seemed refuge in a random motel after pretty guilt tripping the owner into letting you spend the night.
You feel bad that owner.
In the middle of the night, the motel caught, and by the time you woke up, Dazai was staring down at you, his empty eyes staring into yours.
Up until this point Dazai hadn't done anything to you. The most he would do was come into your cell and cuddle you for hours on end while telling you about his day. He seemed so soft despite the vibe he gave off. Sometimes he'd drag you to meeting with him where he'd nuzzle into your neck. But, this mistake flipped a switch a switch in him.
You lost your innocence that night.
Bruises, cuts, and bites littered your body, and all you did afterwards was hug your knees and stare blankly into space. Nothing could break you out of of that state, anything to make you forget what happened, anything to forget the pain.
He didn't stop there though. Night after night he'd escalate things further and further. At one point he broke both of your legs, dislocated your shoulders, and broke your fingers. He made sure one of your fingers healed incorrectly just for it to be a permanent reminder. And didn't stop at physical stuff either.
For nights on end he'd force you stay awake, and he'd play mind games with you too. He'd force you to complete nearly impossible task in your exhausted state, and then mock you to tears when you couldn't do them.
He did this for days just to teach you a lesson. When the lesson was over you were broken in, just like that. In the span of two weeks you became his lap dog, and he was disappointed at how easily you broke. I mean, why wouldn’t it be easy? You were only 16.
Any escape attempt after this would result in a panic attack. You would run back to your room where Dazai would be waiting, and while you had tears rolling down your cheeks, you'd run into his arms in order to seek even a little bit of comfort.
After a week of isolation, it was like another switch happened in Dazai. One day he came down to your cell and just broke down. You had never seen the man cry before. He then hugged you while spitting out a bunch of apologies.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just..." Dazai started before his voice lowered into a whisper, his gaze fixated on the floor. "I never wanted to hurt you...never. I was just so... I'm sorry. I'll take care of everything, ok?"
Sometimes you forget he's just like you, a kid. A sadistic, scarily intelligent kid, but a kid none the less. You soon learned why he kidnapped you, what his motive was.
He wanted to feel something. Anything. The boy was hallow, a cunning killing machine. His entire personality was an act. If you were to cut him open, you'd find nothing. And somehow, he gravitated towards you.
--------------------------
"Do you enjoy living?"
Dazai laid his head in your lap, his arms wrapped your waist as you ran your fingers through his hair. In the past couple months things have cooled down. You've lost any hope of escaping or for him to become any less cruel, so now you just follow his commands. Life has been easier this way, not enjoyable, but easier.
"Hm?" You responded, meeting his gaze.
"Your life. Everyday was the same thing. School, tutoring, work. Did you enjoy any of it?"
"Well, no, but it was worth it. Whenever I'd come home my mom would always be waiting for me at the dining table. Even as she got worse, she still was always there no matter how late I got home. And when I showed her my first paycheck," You face soften in remembrance. "The smile on her face made it all worth it."
Dazai was silent for a few moments for snuggling against your stomach.
"Humans confuse me."
You knew better than to ask him to elaborate. It's not because he'd be mad or anything, but you knew his awnser would leave you sleepless.
A life with Dazai was a life with uncertainty, unpredictability. Some days he'd be this soft little thing, clinging onto you like a baby and craving all your attention, whining when he didn't get it. But on other days, he'd force you to witness the execution of Mafia members, drag you on life threatening missions, use you as a pawn on missions, and force you witness his cruelty first hand.
Sometimes it's hard to believe he loves you. Sometimes you think you're just a pawn in his game.
--------------------------
Akutagawa hated your guts.
You got Dazai's praise, attention, and approval, and you did nothing to earn it. Anytime you looked at him, you see the hatred in his eyes.
A year after your abduction, Dazai started bringing you to his little trainings with Akutagawa, and you had one rule: Don't get close.
Seeing his treatment of the boy made you believe that you hadn't experienced the worse of his torment.
One day you couldn't watch it anymore. Dazai had kicked the boy so hard that he was coughing up blood.
"Get up," Dazai commanded coldly, slowly making his way towards the boy.
He was so weak that he could barely support his weight. They had been going at this for hours now.
"A weak dog is dead dog," Dazai said, pulling his gun out from his coat. "And dogs like you, don't deserve to be in the Port Mafia."
You watched as Akutagawa slammed his eyes shut as he gritted his teeth, preparing himself for death.
"STOP!"
You had hugged Dazai from behind, hugging him tightly as you looked up at him with teary eyes. His eyes remained cold as he looked down at you.
"Please...stop. Give the boy a break."
Dazai still looked down at you silently.
"For me, please."
You felt relief wash over you body as you heard Dazai let out a sigh.
"Fine," Dazai said with an annoyed yet defeated look on his face, turning around as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, throwing the gun in the process. "Don't think I'll be easy on you next time, Akutagawa."
---------------------------
The day Dazai left the Port Mafia is a day that you can never forget.
When he came to your room, he looked tired. Both physically and mentally. He didn't say a word as he sat down next to you on the bed.
After a few moments of silence, he spoke.
"Odasaku is died."
You felt your soul leave your body as those words left his mouth. You had met Oda a few times whenever Dazai would drag you to the bar with him, and he always treated you with kindness. He'd often scold Dazai for his treatment of you, but Dazai always ignored him.
You liked Oda, him and Chuuya made your life a little bit more enjoyable with their kindness.
You stayed silent at Dazai's words. Dazai didn't look like he was here, completely spaced out from the world. You had never seen Dazai like this, and it honestly scared you.
Scooting over next to him, you hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck.
"Dazai?"
You didn't know if it was grief or what, but you never saw Dazai like this. You didn't know what to do. If you didn't do anything he could punish you once he became stable, or if you did the wrong thing he'd also punish you later. You were lost, you were confused, and you were scared.
"I'm leaving the Port Mafia."
"...What?"
"I'm leaving the Port Mafia," Dazai said before turning to look at you. The emptiness in his eyes sent a chill down your spine. "And you're coming with me."
What happened after that was a blur. All you remember was walking out of the Port Mafia building with a small backpack on, with Dazai holding you hand.
------------------------
The two of you had found an apartment and had been living there for awhile.
After Dazai left the Port Mafia he completely rebranded himself. He seemed so much livelier, so much happier, so much more energetic. You honestly like this new Dazai. You didn't know if if was an act or not, but at least he was treating you better.
One day he came home with a genuine smile on his face.
"Dazai?" You called out as you sat down in front of the TV, watching a show you started but never got finish due to your kidnapping.
"I got a job!" Dazai responded excitingly, sitting down next to on the couch.
"Really? Where?"
"At this detective agency for the gifted."
You were honestly caught off guard. Dazai, a detective? Never in all your days would you think Dazai of all people would help stop crime.
You did your best to hide your confusion though, mostly because you've never seen Dazai so happy. This happiness didn't seem fake, it looked genuine.
"That's nice," You replied, doing your best to put on a smile before going back to your show.
"Guess what I'm thinking, Y/N."
This wasn't going to be good. You just knew it.
"Um, what are you thinking, Dazai?"
"You're getting a job," Dazai said, a smirk on his face as he spoke.
You dropped the bowl of cereal you were eating in complete shock.
"What...?"
"Yeah, I think you should go out more, see new things, make friends, you know, normalcy and things like that."
He was messing with you. This had to be a test. He was testing your loyalty. He wanted to if you'd awnser correctly. The Dazai you know would never tell you this and mean it. Sure he was being a lot nicer now, but this is just like how he first kidnapped you. The calm before the storm.
"Um, no, I'm good," You responded, turning away from Dazai. "I don't wanna, I'm ok."
"...Don't lie to me, Y/N," Dazai said coldly, sending a chill down your spine.
What? You awnsered correctly though.
"W-What?" You asked, turning around to face Dazai.
"I know you want to go out. I know you want to see people again, make friends," Dazai responded as he got closer to you. You didn't dare to back away, but what he said next dazed you. "See your mother again."
You hadn't seen your mother in almost two years.
"You're lying."
"Nope, got her address and everything right here," Dazai said before pulling out a piece of paper.
You immediately leap towards the paper, but Dazai raised it above his head, just out of your reach.
"Nah uh uh, you get this paper if you promise me that you'll go out."
"I promise, I promise, just give me it!"
"Aye, don't be rude," Dazai said, flicking your forehead before handing you the paper.
This had to be a dream. This was way too good to be a dream.
------------------------------
You still can't go out.
The paper with all your mother's information on it haunts you as you sit on the couch, staring at the door as you hug your knees.
You don't know what it is. Dazai's at work most of the time during the day, leaving you alone most of the time. The doors are unlocked, hell, he even gave you a key, but you just can't leave. Everytime you get close to the door you feel your lungs collapse. Your throat closes, you mind gets scattered, you can't think straight.
One time you stuck your foot out and immediately flung into a panic attack. Your breath was short, mind racing. You remember slamming the door shut and crying on the floor until Dazai came home. Anytime you got close to the door, images of your past escapes would flash in your head. Each and every one of them ended with you facing Dazai's torment.
Yeah he left the Port Mafia, but Dazai is still Dazai. This is all one big test to see how much you've learned, the paper was just something to allure you into escaping. You weren't failing this time.
"Still on the couch?" Dazai asked, almost sounding disappointed and worried all at the same time as he sat next to you. "Remember our deal?"
"Take it," You said, your voice and eyes empty as you gave his the crumbled up piece of paper.
Dazai just stared at you as he took the paper. You couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"I passed your test," You continued before lying down on the couch.
Dazai didn't say anything after that. He just stood up and walked away, not even sparing you a glance.
Sitting in your shared bedroom, Dazai stared up at the ceiling as he spoke to himself.
"They’re not leaving willingly anytime soon. I conditioned them too well."
Dazai didn't even notice, but tears were starting to form in his eyes as he spoke.
"They're leaving. They're getting a life."
The next morning you didn't wake up on the couch like you thought, but instead you were sitting on a bench in the center of the city, the paper you gave Dazai in your hand.
"Huh? What? Where... How?" You couldn't even form a coherent sentence as you looked up at the city around you. It was all so overwhelming.
As you walked down the street you kept your head low, trying to balance your nerves as you stared at the address written on the paper. You've waited two whole years for this very moment, a moment you thought you would only be a dream has finally came true.
The apartment your mother had now lived in was far more rundown and ghetto than the last one the two of you shared. The neighborhood was dangerous and the complex was filthy.
As you stood infront of your mother's door, you didn't know what you were going to say to her. Where you going to tell her what happened or just leave her in the dark? You honest weren't sure. Before you could decide what you were going to say, your knuckles were already meeting against wood of the door.
"Hello, can I..."
Standing infront of you was your mother. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept in days. But, the moment your mother locked eyes with you, the two of you were left speechless.
The two of you didn't say a single word as you fell into your mother's arms. You didn't even realize tears were rolling down your face as you hid your head in your shoulder.
"Mama..."
That was all you could say. Your voice was cracking as you hugged your mother tighter, as if she was going to disappear if you didn't.
"Shhh, it's alright," Your mother said gently as she rubbed your back. Even when flooded with overwhelming emotions, your mother was always able to remain composed and calm you down. "What happened baby?"
"I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry I didn’t... I didn't want to leave."
"I know baby, I know."
"I didn't want to leave you mama. I never did. I didn't wanna go, but I couldn't come back."
"Shhhh, calm down, I know, it's ok. Come inside and I'll fix you something, ok?"
Rubbing your eyes, you weakly gave her your response. "Ok."
--------------------------
You never told your mother about Dazai or what truly happened. Anytime you'd get close to telling her, an image of Dazai's face would flash into your head and all those memories would come right back to you.
Your mother had made you your favorite, and at the moment it felt like the world didn't matter. It felt like you were back before everything happened, the time before all the pain, all the trauma, it felt, peaceful. And you couldn't remember the last time you felt true peace.
"What are going to do now?" Your mother asked, sitting down in front of you as you ate.
"I don't know. I need to get a job, but I don't know where to start."
"One of my friends daughters works in one of the stores at the mall, maybe I can get you in contact with them. That'd be nice, right?"
"Maybe."
"Where you living now?"
That question made your blood run cold. She couldn't find out about Dazai. Rebrand or not, Dazai was still Dazai, and you wouldn't let yourself be fooled into thinking otherwise. This wasn't the first time he's pulled something like this, but this time it was going on for a bit too long.
"An apartment downtown. The landlord is letting me live there rent free until I can get back on my feet."
"That's nice."
"Yes," You said before drinking you tea. "It's...nice."
-------------------
"Ah! You're back," Dazai said as he stood up from the couch, making his way to you.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, I don't what happened but I woke up outside and-"
"Shhhh, I know everything. Was it nice?"
"...No."
"Be honest, Y/N."
"...It was... It was the nicest thing I've gotten in the past two years."
"That's what I thought," Dazai responded before caressing your cheek. "I want you getting out the house more. I won't punish you, I won't hurt you ever again, you have my word Y/N."
You stayed silent. Don't trust him.
"Y/N."
Don't trust him.
"I'm sorry."
Looking up at Dazai, your eyes widened as you saw tears build up in his eyes. Before you knew it, he was holding you tight, hiding his in your shoulder as he spoke.
"You didn't deserve it, you didn't deserve any of it. I love you with all of my heart, I don't know what I'd do without you. I won’t hurt you again, I won't let myself go that far. You are the sweetest person in the world and I corrupted you with my pain. I love you; I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I'll forever be sorry for that, even after I take my final breath."
--------------
It's been a few years since then, and a lot of things have changed. You've gotten a job at the mall and you've became best friends with your co-worker Jojo. The two of you always hang out after work and she's gotten you to go out more. You've made a few new friends but you still get anxious talking to people.
You've met Dazai's co-workers and they all adore you, this kid Atsushi especially. He seems to be Dazai's apprentice and he's always the first one to talk to you whenever you come by the agency.
Ranpo is kinda bratty but he's a really smart guy. You were pretty suprised you found out his age, but you like talking to him about mysteries and his latest jobs. He never fails to suprise you, but he always makes you feel stupid with his arrogance. He's the only one in the ADA that knows about your true history with Dazai, and it was simply by observing your guys' interactions. To the outside the two of you see normal, but Ranpo is able to notice the smallest details that made him figure out the dark history of you and Dazai.
You're pretty sure Kunikida has a crush on you. Any time the two of you talk he's always beet red and gets annoyed whenever Dazai comes along.
You enjoy talking with Kyoka, you're pretty sure she sees you as a big sister. She's always trying to impress you and likes to follow you around. One time you bought a kimono with one of your paychecks and she hugged you so tight that she didn't let go for an hour. For a stone faced child she's truly a sweetheart.
Akiko and you hang out all the time. The two of you often go shopping together and she was the one who explained how abilities worked to you. The two of you were at a bar when she explained it and you quite shocked to say the least. Dazai never explained it to you, it was more like something that was constantly brought up and you had to figure out how it worked on your own.
Now you and Dazai. To say in simple terms, your relationship is complicated. He doesn't hurt you physically, but he still plays mind games with you, but it's just not as obvious. The relationship feels more normal, but his obsessive tendencies still shine through despite his lack of violence. Anytime you go out he always implies that he'll know everything you do. At work, hang out, clubs, everything, he's always watching. So, despite your new found freedom, you're very anxious, and still don't interact with men that Dazai doesn't know. He even met your mother and she adores him. You still do your best to prevent her from finding out the truth about Dazai.
But, if you ignore all of his flaws, Dazai might as well be the perfect boyfriend. He always buys you gifts, takes you on dates, and actually does couple stuff with you. If you ignore the past and that feeling of anxiousness whenever you're with or without Dazai, you would say that you wouldn't ask for anything better.
Right?
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