#that she left me without a word

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

[ilildefoxy]

This is how it happened. I wanted to paint something... I was bored so... I did. And this happened.

I blame the amazing Thumbnail artists for this. His thumbnail is just too pretty.

[eerna]

sometimes i think about how good of a concept Wyll and Karlach's stories are and how theyre intertwined with one another like you have the hero from a noble upbringing who makes a deal with a devil to keep this code of honor that he learned as a noble and how that's tested when he meets karlach who is a war criminal - both characters are pushed into the roles that they are at right now and how they're more alike than they know and its such a shame that a lot of that gets barely explored <:/

Take me back to act 1 when I saw Wyll and Karlach interacting for the first time and thought "Oh this will be the best character development duo EVER let's go"... It's about exploring how purity and honesty coexists with evil... It's about questioning if a noble goal justifies the evil means... It's about redemption and the question of free choice when faced with sin... It's about appearances and whether the outside has any weight on the inside... Oooooohhhhhh we could have had it all. It could have been so good. Take me back to act 1

[meeple-inc]

A small question for the employees running the blog; what's it like to work at Meeple, or even the HQ specifically if you happen to be there? Any cool workplace stories?

We do in fact work at Meeple HQ, at the MeCloud! Unfortunately, Meeple policies prohibit me from discussing anything about what happens within the workplace in detail, but I get plenty of desk space and I enjoy the presence of my coworkers!

[bloomingsalma]

i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in

[godblooded]

the little kid i work with escaped the ukraine two years ago. my family immigrated in the 50s/60s to escape the turkish occupation in my papou’s village in greece. and it is both immensely heartbreaking and also insanely healing to help someone the way my grandparents weren’t helped when they got to this country.

[cherrysnax]

havin the weirdest crisis of my life

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

I swear my dreams are on crack at the moment like my brain cant be getting much rest whilst coming up with all that

[acourtofquestions]

I keep on thinking about the “You left me” scene…

As painful as it is (and NOT one of Rowan & Aelin’s finer or healthiest moments; probably one of if not my LEAST favorite for them) there is something so guttural, telling, & crucial beneath the surface. … Especially the more I analyze many aspects of this VERY layered scene…

So, let’s break it down:

Now this may be my own abandonment issues talking😅but as someone that knows I see this argument (as drastically different as they sound) as two sides of the same coin (as Rowaelin often/always is) both sides rooted in abandonment issues & a consequential fear of love/the loss of it; hence ending up in one of two responses (even in a situation as seemingly ‘simple’ as this; triggering) either: clinging to someone with everything you have, begging, fighting, desperately trying to stop it from happening again. Or being the one to leave so you are not the one left saying “I didn’t care anyway” so you don’t have to feel like you lost anything to begin with.

… Sound familiar? It’s what’s happening here.

Unfortunately, this is one of the moments where these two are too much alike; it’s triggering them both (two people who can go from 0-180 & when it comes to flight or fight triggers are very prone to fight) they are arguing with themselves & their own fear/self-loathing more than each-other (thus hitting exactly where it hurts; because they are hurting themselves; for Rowan it’s punishment through self-sabotage, for Aelin it’s proving she’s unworthy of anyone’s care even someone who could be cruel to her) while also simultaneously using it as a form of ‘self-protection’ (they are trying not to care (further mad at themselves for already caring) & terrified for the other because every person they love has left; loving them feels like a death sentence & they have to protect the other by making themselves unlovable; before they get hurt again).

For Aelin, it’s a last resort; fear is a crucial part of her mindset, (upbringing), & survival. She lives in fight or flight, fawn or freeze, (leaning towards the natural inclination of the first latters) this is her fighting, desperately clawing (like a wounded animal), & on her last leg; because if he cannot choose her, cannot stay, will not; if as she describes, “She didn't know why it happened, because she had been so dead set on hating him, but... it would have been nice, she supposed. It would have been nice to have one person who knew the absolute truth about her--and didn't hate her for it. It would have been really, really nice.” If he who knows her unlike anyone ever has or could (from best to worst) has seen it all and found nothing there worthwhile then how can she possibly argue that with herself/anyone? Right then, you see how little she cares for herself (how she stays even when it’s hurting her because she doesn’t know anything else (how would she?) & because she believes every word of it (he doesn’t realize until later just how much she meant every word; because he didn’t, not fully at least, not in the same way she did). She feels that she has “nowhere else to go” because as she said “I have no one left. No one.”) you see how desperate she is for an end to the same trapping heartbreak that keeps repeating again & again. & If she loses him than there is truly nothing left. She is drowning, and this is all of it catching up to her at once — she’s screaming at him as much as everyone she’s ever lost — she’s pleading with Sam to let her look out for him, screaming at Chaol to let her in to trust her (& be worthy of his trust) so she could’ve saved Nehemia; an extremely raw wound (as shown in the broken echoing words she finally gives voice to in the next chapter), screaming at Nehemia for choosing to leave her, at Arobynn for betraying her (even if she can’t admit it yet, unleashing one begins unleashing them all) screaming at the very universe itself (the world that already broke every ‘natural’ promise; stolen all the ones she wasn’t ‘supposed’ to lose) screaming for her parents, her Aedion, her kingdom, herself. — At herself for not being able to save them, to stop it, to be fast enough- -to be enough. And begging for it, for anyone- -anything not to take this too because this is a final breaking for her.

& For Rowan, this feels like a loaded gun. It's his connection to her (despite his trying & denying it; he realizes it had already become a relationship & not just to him but to her) it’s him screaming “You are nothing to me, and I do not care.” to try and make it true because after centuries of not caring about anything or anyone (of feeling only ice), of not having anyone care (or need him for that matter; he’s realizing for better or worse she does)… Here it is (someone who cares & someone who needs him; someone who he cannot turn away because she can bear all of his ice & still understand him; he hates her for it, he hates himself for it “There is nothing that I can give to you. Nothing I want to give to you.”)… Here she is… Begging him to stay (just like Lyria), wanting him to stay (something he does not feel he deserves — “Aelin, you deserve better than this-than me.” — & is trying to prove to her as protection & punishment; to be the monster), caring enough about him to want him to stay in the first place (something he truly thinks they are better off without; he's reminding himself as much as warning her when he says, “The people you love are just weapons that will be used against you”— another key word will —he believes it all is already inevitably doomed. So, while she is desperately giving a last try, he has already given up on trying.) He is a wild animal trapped into a corner; if she cares—if he cares; because it will end (she will leave; because she is capable & will learn & be back on her way, gone again while he will still be stuck with Maeve the same as before (he twists it to sound different but the meaning is the same when he says, “the sooner I can be rid of you”.); or worse she may very well get herself killed (the way she’s going) the way he knows why, (why do you think he spends so much time trying to get her to fight for her own life?- -To scare her, provoke her, anger her- -anything to shake her from her stupor… he says as much later on “You're learning.” “You get baited by me every now and then, too, you know.” He gave her a look that said, I let you bait me, in case you haven't noticed."… anything to make her make it out alive) & he has not helped that either because he can’t help himself. So, either way, he feels stuck in the same mistake again & again; is he failing her the same as he did Lyria? Is he failing Lyria by repeating it (worse; is he betraying Lyria in the fact he may care for someone else?) — if he is, how does he survive that?). … He has been trying to tell himself 'she's just another soldier', yet, here he is again raw with Gavriel tattooing even more names of grief (because 'just a soldier' doesn't make it hurt less). & She is not just another soldier; he (an ‘all-knowing-immortal’) was wrong; he is missing something about her (this “girl” doesn’t add up; this fight doesn’t add up) & He is feeling the weight of every mistake; even as he makes another one; to hurt her now thinking; it’s better than getting her killed, (it’s better than him caring & losing her) It’s what he ‘deserves’ (he hates himself for it, even as he breaks her heart; it’s why he says, “and for a heartbeat he hoped she’d left, if only so he didn’t have to face what he’d said yesterday.” because he knew he was wrong & he hated himself for it; he does it to punish himself as much as to protect himself & her). It's his last attempt at pushing her away (and ultimately the one that makes him realize he cannot).

It's not an excuse, but it is a reason. One that makes sense the more I read, re-read, & continue the series. This fight is in some ways their first real fight; because they are both vulnerable because this is more than a biting surface (because they have always been more than that). And it forces them to realize & reconcile; to go to their true worst until there is nothing left but to piece together something else.

For two people so fearful & without option they needed to hit the rock bottom together; to have no doubt that they were chosen at their true worst; to learn almost losing the other did not leave them better off; & know that they cannot turn away, & will not because if it would have happened, it would have been then (& there is no more point in being afraid anymore; it is too late to take back what’s been forged; “Something molten rushed through her, pouring over every crack and fracture still left gaping and open. Not to hurt or mar--but to weld.”)… Without it Rowan would never have checked himself, he would have trained her on nothing more than begrudging orders of Maeve, & he would never have cared to ask or learn more… She would have either bet everything on him & thrown herself into another relationship to outrun everything else, & end up broken again because she cannot learn to sit with (nor accept) herself. She was forced to pick life or endless nothing, to stop freezing or fawning or running, to care & fight for it; & find something more worth fighting for (to accept her anger & also learn to be more than just angry) To let it out & let go; to stop drowning on the words that have been suffocating her for months; to stop being afraid to say them. … And while they cannot quite say all those words; I’m sorry, I care about you… They can know they won’t say the other again… They are not expected to be more than they can give. There is finally an understanding (the start of a friendship… & maybe ‘more than’ friends) because they stop running from it & instead run in headfirst. … Through the most dividing thing they are finally not alone. The final stand stands. There is no more fight against each-other. It cannot get worse, they can survive it, and now they are really what they are.

[bmpmp3]

for the past couple years ive been slowly. slowly learning beginners japanese and its very fun and im enjoying it a lot but also it has made me painfully aware in ways i wasnt before of how much my specific vaguely ontario accent makes me make out sloppy style with my vowels. i am going at those vowel's tonsils. i am doing things to diphthongs you wouldnt even believe.

[watcherglowcloud]

emerged from my almost-slumber burdened with the knowledge that if quanyii and sir caroline had a child, she would, in fact, be mary poppins

[asinglesock]

needed to leave money in a coworker's tip cup without her knowing it was from me and the best strategy I could come up with on the spot was to tell another coworker out loud that I was putting money in her tip cup (obviously I did put some in her cup too, that'd be terrible to lie about!) and she gave me a hug that I really did not feel I deserved but actually I think she took that as me being supportive when she was having a difficult day so net positive even though I lowkey was not thinking that much because I was overthinking an unrelated situation

[howldean]

who let the ipad baby watch supernatural

[danidoesathing]

I agonized over which to pick because I just want to ask about all your fics in progress!! I narrowed it down to two and that's just going to have to be ok

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending)

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup

its very funny you pick those two because those like. two of the only three on that list that ISNT lord huron related lmao. those are both hatchetfield fics ive started in secret. regardless those are the main ones im working on right now SO

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending) is a fic based on the ending of TGWDLM where like. you know how in the credits where Emma starts begging the audience for help? and like. you know how in TTO how the audience is also referred to by Bliklotep's title? soooo the fic is the ending but i throw him in the mix and ramp the already existing horror of "begging for help and being ignored a cheering crowd" by going "realizing said crowd has been treating your suffering and death as a source of amusement right before you die". only fun times in hatchetfield

"She stumbles to the edge of the stage. The stitches in her leg have come undone and there’s blood seeping through the bandage. That is real. Emma is real, and she needs to help right now."

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup is a fic that takes place directly after the end of Yellow Jacket that focuses on Daniel and Sophia like. right after the ending. we dont really see them after the Otho fight and we still have no clue is Sophia is even ALIVE and also i miss them dearly. the fic mostly focuses on Daniel trying not to have a panic attack in Miss Retros because one friend is missing after almost dying and the other is in the hospital after also almost maybe dying and he doesn't really know what to do. Not a whole lot of plot it's mostly him trying to deal with that whole. mess. luckily he's got Miss Holloway and Duke to make things a bit easier (responsible adults? in MY hatchetfield? its honestly only these two but its better than nothing)

"He feels so stupid. Sophia is in the hospital and she might never wake up. Hannah is missing and could be kidnapped or dead or worse. And he’s just sitting here in a cozy diner with pancakes and orange juice, and Hannah’s Jacket but not Hannah and not Sophia."

[rosaacicularis]

which was more culturally significant, the renaissance or hermitgang

[saisons-en-enfer]

Always an ephemeral presence, only noticed when I'm there

and even when I'm there, I'm really not