#that sample a webbie call back right?

[theinternetisaweboflies]

Electric Boogie Chapter 4 (Chapter 1)

Twyla's room was on the fifth floor of the house. She shared it with her pet dustbunny. Dustin took to Frankie right away, even if she did leave him a little staticy.

"Do you need me to explain the rules?"

Twyla smiled. "I think I get the gist. Frankie, truth or scare?"

"Truth," said Frankie.

"Where did you live before Monster High?"

"Bavaria, mostly." Frankie wiggled her toes to make her slipper flap against the bottom of her foot. "We were pretty big homebodies. Mom and Dad are the quiet types. No siblings. Not a lot of neighbors either. I was homeschooled for the first few days, but Dad's education was pretty spotty so that was not sustainable."

"I see," said Twyla. "How old are you exactly?"

Frankie made a sound like a buzzer, which was a lot more accurate than most people's attempts. "It's your turn now. Truth or scare?"

Twyla's eyes flashed in the glow from the setting sun. "Scare."

Frankie had made Cleo kiss Webby at the last Ghoul Squad creepover. She usually tried to come up with better scares than that, but she'd been distracted. Twyla had been missing.

Frankie didn't feel like making Twyla kiss Dustin, and not just because she would probably get a dustball. She followed Draculaura's lead instead and asked, "I scare you to… tell me what your biggest dream is."

For a moment she thought a stray spark had hit Twyla, but then she realized the Boogey Monster was just shocked. In a non-literal sense.

"I don't know?" she asked. At least it sounded like a question. "I never really thought about it."

"Well, what do you like?" asked Frankie.

Twyla seemed to bite off an immediate response, which had Frankie dying of scientific curiosity, but she shoved half a slice of pizza in her mouth. Dreams were a pretty big deal after all. It seemed strange that Twyla didn't have a single one after fourteen whole years, but Frankie's learning-curve standards had always been a little skewed.

"I like… children?" she said eventually. "I think. Oh, but I also like quiet?"

"School librarian! Oh, I know!" Frankie waved the other half of her pizza. "You should work at Monster High when you graduate. I'll work there too, as a Mad Science teacher, of course. Then we can still be friends!"

Maybe it was just the sunset, but Twyla looked flushed even though the house was a steady 15.5° Celsius.

"I'm sorry about the cold," said Twyla, as if reading her brain parts. "I asked the House to warm up. It usually listens better. I don't know what's gotten into it tonight."

"Your house is sentient?" asked Frankie.

"Don't take a sample."

"I wasn't going to," she insisted, tucking the sample jar surreptitiously back in her bag. "Well, the cold doesn't bother me because: dead bodies, but if you're cold we could always share a bed. Yours looks big enough for two. Sorry, Dustin. Three. With the sleeping bodybag I brought, we'll be even warmer!"

"Oh," said Twyla. "Okay."

Frankie changed in the bathroom. When she came out, Twyla had changed into her pajamas as well. She was wearing a sleep hood with little bunny ears to match Dustin. It was the cutest thing Frankie had ever seen in her unlife. She wanted to take a picture to send to the Ghoul Squad, but it wasn't worth making Twyla self conscious. Maybe she would take Frankie up on her offer someday and join them for a group creepover.

That would be creeperific.

"Is your dad going to be gone all night?" asked Frankie, settling into her side of the four-poster. Twyla rolled over to face Frankie, but she didn't remove her sleep mask, which also had bunny ears. This time, Frankie couldn't resist snapping a quick picture on her iCoffin. She did not send it to the Ghoul Squad.

"He probably won't be back till tomorrow afternoon, so we should be able to sleep in as late as we want."

"Is he away for work?"

"You could call it that." Twyla's voice had always been a little gritty, but now it was extra coarse.

"What would… you call it?" asked Frankie.

Twyla rolled back over to face the ceiling. "He's the Boogeyman. His job is to give children nightmares."

"Oh…" Frankie frowned. "I'm not sure I see the economic incentive."

Twyla laughed, louder than normal, like she'd been surprised into it. Frankie made people laugh without meaning to all the time. For once, it seemed like a good thing.

"Me neither. When I was old enough… I started to follow him each night, through the shadows. Most Boogeys don't learn how to do that till they're older, but I learned by copying him."

"Why did you follow him?" asked Frankie.

"I can… feed on negative energy," she said. "I would consume the nightmares that he gave to children. I could make them go away."

"That sounds… unhealthy?" Frankie wasn't familiar with Boogey physiology, but negative energy couldn't be good for anyone. It had 'negative' right there in the name.

"Well, he seems to be getting slower in his old age. These nights, he's usually just fanging out with Wewe Gombel. I wonder why." Frankie couldn't be certain with the sleep mask, but she was pretty sure Twyla rolled her eyes. "I used to be a lot busier. That's why I was homeschooled before Monster High too."

"Well, that's g- Wait. Homeschooled by who? Your dad?"

"Oh, uh, my education was… autodidactic."

"You homeschooled yourself?"

"The house helped assign reading sometimes. Although I still think it favored a Eurocentric patriarchal literary canon." This last part was said in a slightly louder voice, apparently for the house's benefit.

"How.. How does it feel to consume negative energy?" asked Frankie.

"I don't know," said Twyla. "I don't exactly feel myself after consuming too much of it. More overwhelmed than anything. Is that how it felt to take in too much electricity?"

"Maybe," said Frankie. "I had to get rid of the excess electricity by creating Znap. Do you have any outlet for the negative energy you consume?"

"Maybe it's not the same." Twyla fiddled with her sleep mask for a moment but didn't remove it. "Consuming negative energy must be part of my Scaritage. I mean, it comes so naturally."

"So you don't know any more about your Scaritage than I do?" asked Frankie.

Twyla shook her head, and a multitude of bunny ears flapped gently against her face. "Not really. My father is the quiet type too."

"What about your mom?" asked Frankie.

She thought Twyla had fallen asleep, but a few minutes later, just as Frankie was about to fall asleep herself, there was a whisper so soft it could have been one of Dustin’s snores. 

"She's even quieter."

[sergeant-history]

The Anitrix

 Beakley slammed her fist on the table, Steelbeak whimpered.

 "You captured my granddaughter and my honourary grandson! What do you think I'm going to do? Not interrogate you?" She scowled

 "Please! All I wanted was recognition!" He pleaded. Beakley wasn't buying anything.

 "Where are the plans to unite F.O.W.L?" She pointed, almost flipping the entire table over.

  Steelbeak continued to whimper, he got smarter over the years, reading the sacred martial artist books of Alexandria.

 Still, he was no match for Beakley. That was going to change, however. "Webbigail!" She called, with Webby opening her closet. "Granny?" She asked.

 "Take care of this... idiot for me. I need to get some equipment." Finding Webby still slightly weaker in the arts than her grandmother, Steelbeak tried, this was his only chance for escape.

 He looked at her, after the closet closed he started "So, how are you and that... Dewey's been doing." He raised an eyebrow, only to be met with hand slams on the table by Webby.

 "We don't talk about Dewford Duck... He's not within your area, Do you understand Mr?" She closened up, almost terrifying the steel out of his beak.

 "Correct." The Harp sang, smirking at the disgraced villain.

 He merely grumbled. Webby picked up his gauntlet, examining the build and structure of it.

 It had a circle plate in the middle, it was entirely red with black color schemes on it. With its sides were tubes that seemed to contain some sort of genetic material within.

 She glared at the Chicken, finally opening her mouth "So How'd you... build this?" She asked. The Harp looked at him, getting ready to foil any tricks up his sleeves with truth and honesty.

 Steelbeak shrugged "I already had the basics, all I did was add in some minor touches." The Harp glared at him "He's Fibbing." Her usual sing-songy voice became that of one with a serious tone, sharper than Scrooge's.

 Steelbeak chuckled as Webby pulled out her blaster, equipped with a laser gun, capable of burning through the skin, bone, flesh, feathers, and even Steel.

 "Fine! I made the plate so I can choose between Animals by arranging them in those tubes. It was a slow process but now, inside of that plate, with every turn, you'd have 1 choice which the Hologram will show." The Harp nodded, still glaring fiercely at Steelbeak.

   Being as wreckless as Dewey, Webby placed the gauntlet onto her right wrist, as the colors changed, into Pink, purple, and a slight hint of blue.

 "Woah." Steelbeak gasped, the entirety of the Plate too turned Pink with a Pink Bow in the center.

 She turned it, revealing different types of animals. "A Unicorn?!?" She gasped, making Steelbeak shake his head. "Wha? That's impossible! I didn't add the DNA sample of that." The Harp nodded.

 She spun it 9 times, revealing 9 other holograms including a Koala Bear, a Butterfly, a Cat, a Fox, a Cheetah, a Duck?, a Canary, a Dophin, and a weasel.

 Beakley reopened the door, noticing Webby already getting a hold of Steelbeak's weapon. "I think I'll call it... the Anitrix." She said. Beakley glared at Steelbeak again, this time with the harp, he felt knives charging at him.

 "Tell her how does it work," Beakley demanded, placing down injection tubes filled with radioactive yet somehow contained liquid.

 Steelbeak sighed "It alters your DNA with the selected being, allowing you to take the form of the animal but also retaining your sanity, experience, and memories." The Harp nodded to Beakley but Webby was all too interested in the gauntlet to pay any attention.

 "Webbigail, I trust you to use it but after your now shortened 3 days of being grounded." The young female nodded, walking off almost right after.

 Beakley then turned back to the Chicken who was exactly what the term 'chicken' meant.

 "I wonder what the others will have if they wear it." She tapped her chin, wondering about the animals the others would acquire.

 "Dewey would probably get something like a shark, Huey... Owl or something smart, and Louie... maybe an elephant? or a Monkey?" She thought, shaking those off before admiring her own animal selection dial.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Terror of the Terra-Firmians!  (Lena Retrospective) (Commission by WeirdKev27): Launchpad Looses his Last Brain Cell and I Loose My Patience

Welcome back Weblena Warriors to the second part of my look at everyone’s favorite Emo Teen Shadow Lesbian Duck... and probably the only one but hey, semantics, Shadow Into Light, which was made possible by viewers like you, the ultra humanite and a commission from WeirdKev27. Picking up where we left off, we have our first episode that has a different intended order than airing order. 

As most of you probably remember, but some of you who joined later might not be aware of the broadcast order for the first half of season one is, in the academic sense, pretty fucked. It’s not Darkwing Duck’s entirely fucked by a web of badger spiders and a queen snake on top to make it some sort of train situation, but by just sorta airing whatever episodes they wanted to, Disney messed with the character balance so Huey got less focus, not that he got a ton of focus this season but still, as well as leaning into the episodes focusing more on the kids with less involvement from the adults which gave the wrong impression about the series. While it IS very focused on the triplets and webby, the show isn’t entirely about them, but as Frank has mentioned a few times, Disney Channel apparently has this WEIRD thing where they assume kids won’t like stories starring the adult characters. 

Yeah I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Mostly how it’s so dumb I could swear Pauly Shore was an exec at Disney Channel. And he might be I don’t know what he’s doing these days and i’d like to keep it that way. For starters, the Scooge comics, while barely published in the US these days, are still popular globally and have appealed to kids and adults for generations and are mostly focused on him, with the kids in a supporting role and Ducktales, you know the thing your directly remaking here, was also mostly about him with the triplets supporting, if a bit less than the comics. Most of the Disney Afternoon was about adult characters, with any kids in side roles in the main cast. And it comes off entirely hypocritical of them to say this when the MCU is easily marvel’s biggest cash cow at the moment, and marvel properties have appealed to both kids and adults, like the duck comics, for decades. And if it’s because the marvel cartoons weren’t doing well , I’ll let you in on a little secret: Those didn’t do well because they looked bland and from what I’ve seen of them felt kind of bland, though I haven’t seen enough to fully judge. Kids LIKE adult characters as much as kid characters, and also like teen characters despite not being teens. Focusing on either is valid and while I LIKED Disney’s youth starring shows I also want another X-Men cartoon before I turn 50, and I bet kids would like that too, with the last one only failing because you bailed on it because you were throwing a hissy fit over fox having the movie rights, and do not get me started on that. Point is this argument is horse shit and should stay in the stables. 

So yeah I do think this episode came too soon and it’s placement effected it at the time and as such it dosen’t have the best rep with the fandom aside from the Lena bits and that includes me. The fact it was very early in the series and the characterizations hadn’t yet sunk in really hurt this episode in places but is it really that bad? Join me under the cut to find out

We open at the movies! Which scrooge apparently hasn’t been too since the 1930′s or seen any on video despite Della existing and being really stubborn. 

A rant for another episode. But the kids just got out of a Mole Monster movie, along with Lena, Beakly and Launchpad. Their reactions are as follows: Lena, Webby and Dewey really enjoyed it, Huey found it unrealistic... says the boy whose uncle fought a dragon made of gold a month or two back but we’ll get to that, and Louie was bored and felt it didn’t have enough of the ultra violence, kids these days it’s not about the gore it’s about the tension. And Beakly.. is just pissed Lena tricked them into seeing this and said it was educational. And the more I think about it the more this sounds like BEAKLYS fault than Lena’s. BEAKLY is the one who likely bought the tickets, who saw it was likely an r or pg-13 and who as we’ve seen HAS A PHONE, and ulnike scrooge probably isn’t so stingy she wouldn’t spring for a smart phone, so she could’ve just googled it, or whatever bird related pun is in this version.. gandered it.. yeah let’s go with that, gandered it, and SEEEN it wasn’t appropriate or walked htem out of the theater and ate the cost if she was that bothered by it. Sitting through a Horror Movie you didn’t research, didn’t pull the kids out of and dind’t bother to even check the poster for or use basic common sense is YOUR fault. And this could’ve worked fine, had Lena talk the kids into begging for it or had launchpad take them and have Beakly find out after, having driven to pick them up as she didn’t trust launchpad to take them home. Instead it makes the former super spy look REALLY stupid and feels really out of character for a SPY to not to do research. And it wasn’t like they decided on this later, Bentina being a spy was part of the character’s backstory from day one and its made clear as early as episode 2 in both airing orders. This is just lazy writing to justify the episode and I expect better from this crew. 

But an argument errupts between Huey and Webby over the Terra-Firmians, a hidden race of rock people living in Duckburg’s discontinued sewer system, allegedlys. So Lena suggest simply going down which gets a disapproving look from Beakly, despite you know this being their bread and butter, and the fact that if she had a problem with Scrooge not being involved.. she could just call him. Exploring fabled rock people is something he’d be into. I mean there’s a low profit margin but it also costs him almost nothing to walk to the theater or have launchpad swing around and pick him up. Just gas which given how much he pays for jet fuel isn’t a big ask. But Beakly soon gets distracted by Launchpad whose convinced the film is real and is attacking the poster a grim sign of things to come as while Beakly annoyed me in this one on rewatch, especially after realizing the above... Launchpad annoyed me both times and for VERY good reason we’ll get into. This provides a distraction and allows the trio to escape. Cue titles. 

After the title sequence, our heroes head deeper underground, there’s too much panic in this town... I mean props to Donald for trying something new but he really needs to rethink his cologne choices. Sex Panther is just.. not a good smell on.. anyone. 

So our heroes journey through the depths of the subway system, and we find out part of why Huey’s so skeptical, as he finds anything that isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to not exist, though the cracks in this already show as he’s added anything that does. We’ll get back to this later but as you can tell the basic dynamic for 24 minutes is Webby being a wholehearted True Believer and Huey being a Skeptical Sally. And Lena is just sorta “Eh gives me an excuse for shenanigans” about it. We also get a peak into webby’s mind as we see her notes .. which really just come off as Terra-Firmian fanfiction involving a war of succession between two sides, the terra’s and the firmies, something based on previous media, and also some doodles of a fictional candy called webby-dings and herself as a superhero, both things I want to see. 

But yeah the first third of the episode is pretty simple, just them journeying, the occasional shift in the firmament, and it’s not bad, and there are a few great bits: Huey nerds out about rocks, and finds them way more interesting than a possible rock monster.

Which leads to the best gag of the episode as when Huey tries to pick up a big sample Webby, annoyed at his hyperfixation on the JWG, asks him to ask his book for help.. which he does by reading it and actually manages to pick the large rock up. This is halted though when Lena screams.. though she really just did it to draw them to an abandoned subway car full of glomgold posters for glomgold products because of course a failed subway project has his name plastered over it. You can’t spell glomgold without failure.. the failure is silent. Glomgold is not. 

The fun is interuptted though by a livid Beakly who had realized they were missing in an earlier scene, after telling the Manager that McDuck Industries would pay for the poster.. and then found out Launchpad also destroyed the toilets “They come up thorugh the sewers!”. Launchpad that’s CHUDS, Ninja Turtles and Rats who raised Ninja Turtles like their own sons, mole people dig or use old mineshafts. It’s basic mole science. Also Beakly really shouldn’t sweat it, I just assumed the city has had a runnig bill witht he company for “McDuck Family and Employee Related Accidents, Mayhem and Shenanigans”. I mean he’s had Gyro on his payroll for at least a decade and a half by the series start, Gyro has leveled whole sections of city in an afternoon more than most giant monsters. Of which several have destroyed Duckburg. It got better. 

Point is she’s livid about them sneaking off with Lena pointing out their some sort of adventure family and Beakly.. saying she won’t see them again, or at least implying it hard. I’ll put a pin in this, as the train buckles and a bit of seismic, or rock men, activity means their stuck. So they divide into teams: Beakly will go try and unhook the train car from the busted cars so they can ride out, Launchpad will go try and fix it, and we get this lovely exxchange as a result

Launchpad: Cool never crashed a train before Beakly: Can’t you try driving it without crashing it? Launchpad: Wha? 

His face in that scene is priceless. He takes Dewey along. More on that in a second. Webby, Huey and Louie are told to stay put with Beakly only bringing Lena along because she dosen’t trust her. So since we have three split plots for a second... let’s split up gang, starting with the most aggrivating, middling with what you all came here for and why this is part of the retrsopective, and ending with the plot that directly heads into the final part of the episode. 

Launchpad and Dewey: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay starting with the most infamous plot and easily the worst part of this episode, probably the worst plot in any Ducktales 2017 episode. That’s not hyperbole it’s really that bad and really pissed people off, as fans of the original launchpad felt they made him overly stupid. This is where the airing order’s a problem as putting an episode with a subplot where one of your characters is obnoxiously dumb right up front means they assume this is his charcter and not just one poorly written chapter in a very dumb but very loveable characters life, likely because the writers hadn’t figured out how to properly scale his stupidity with comptience. 

So as a result we get a good 3-4 mintutes if not agonizingly more of Launchpad assuming something he saw in a fucking movie film was real. That.. that’s his actual plot. Need I remind you, he’s in his late 20′s early 30′s. He’s not much older than me. While other episodes have him as dim this one claims he CAN’T TELL FACT FROM FICTION. 

There are lines you have to keep with your characters to keep the audience from hating them. They crossed it about 80 times with this plot and make Launchpad into a gibbering dunderhead who can’t do anything right versus a regular dunderhead whose good at one or two things and loveable enough for us to like him and not care about his numerous safey violations and child endagerment charges. Thankfully this is the ONLY episode that gets this bad and they clearly learned from this, but it dosen’t make it any less of a tough sit. 

Dewey spends most of the subplot with a look on his face that just screams that he’s as done with this bullshit as we are, as Launchpad assumes he’s a mole person and brought along a pipe to presumibly bludgeon him, because wanting to cave his best friends skull in over stupidity is a GREAT look> Thankfuly he does not. And when the lights come back on Launchpad.. assumes he’s a monster because of bright light, GAH, and locks him out before they end up outside and the plto resolves itself by Dewey pointing out by Launchpad’s utterly baffling logic that he could be a mole monster, so Launchpad.. assumes he is. 

The subplot’s later buttoned up as he claims “I love being a mole monster”, again diffrent subteranian creature launchpad, she says he’s not and my suffering is thankfully at an end. This plot just sucks, it’s bad, overly stupid and dosen’t work with an adult character. Someone like say Ed from Ed, Edd N Eddy, or someone who belivies in weird conspiracy stuff like Dale Gribble or Stan Pines. with either of them this plot would’ve been fucking great. I could buy it from Dale and it just comes off as his normal paranoid weirdness. With Launchpad it comes off like he seriously needs help because the episode frames it as if he can’t tell ficton from reality, and his splotlight episode later would directly contridct this and make this episode even more aggrivating, as he’s a fan of Darkwing Duck, and KNOWS it’s acted out by an actor, so why wouldn’t he get this? It’s just....

It sucks, it sucks and I thankfully get to move on to a better subplot

Beakly and Lena: What You Are in the Dark

Beakly tells Lena she’ll never see Webby again after this.. then chastises her when she won’t help despite you know having just said she’s going to force their friendship apart, which Lena points out. She then gets mad at Lena making a sarcastic comment at her. Okay she’s lived with Louie for at least a week in airing order and a month or two in actual order. She has to be used to this by now. She’s insolent.. because you show her no respect, blame her for something that while sure she talked you into, you should’ve known better, and top it off by saying you want to keep her from the kids because they have bright futures and come from good familes and asks who rasied her and her face.. well.

Yeah wheras Launchpad and Huey, more on that in a second, were hurt by this being some of their earliest big roles, Bentina wasn’t.. until later when we found out just HOW bad Magica is to Lena and how much she dosen’t care about her other than as a tool to use. At this point we didn’t know just how much Lena was playing webby, how much she was only manipulating her, and even with her heroic act here we didn’t know if she only saw Webby as her way to break free. The next episode makes it clear she dosen’t and genuinely does care, 100%, so in hindsight it makes Bentina come off as ghoulsih for horribly asssuming about a girl she dosen’t know, and even if she did know about Magica wouldn’t know the full story, just like us, and then BERATING her after already saying she’s going to rip her away from Webby, which itself is PRETTY bad as she’s the only friend the girl has and sh’es doing so on... talking them into a horror movie, which as I outlined was more Bentina’s fault than Lena’s, and leading the kids into a dangerous place whicha gain, Lena pointed out is something she lets Scrooge do. And trust me i know that she actually knows Scrooge, and we later find out, as we’ll cover next month, that she isn’t ware HOW dangerous things are with Scrooge. It dosen’t change the fact she knows they do dangerous stuff to a point and that Lena may just be acting out. It also dosen’t change the fact she drove three children, yes including launchpad, down here with her instead of sending them home with Launchpad.. granted that option isn’t the safest but it’s safer than taking her with them thena cting like it’s ALL lena’s fault when three of the children, again including launchpad, are down there because of HER. Not Lena, HER. I’m harder on her because she’s older, wiser and was “raised properly” apparently. Though given the way she treats a random teen off the street she again knows nothing about and dind’t bother to ask... it begs the question. 

IT’s a good question. I could see the classism coming from being raised in 40′s and 50′s britain, judging by the timeline.. but even then she’s seen the world, and while her nature is supscious, the classit bullshit makes no sense after presumibly working with, and later spymastering for, various agents of various backgrounds. How has she not dropped this in decades. Scrooge very clearly dropped the racisim and homophobia of his time, so it still stands  on her for not dropping this. And Lena’s hurt shows under hte mask for the first time, that beneath the snark and secrecy.. is just an abused teenager with nowhere else to go and no way out being bullied by an older woman whose cutting off the only light at the end of the tunnel nto for good reason but out of classist, overprotective mallice.  My issues, which to be fair probably were intentional in the episode but sitll are a bit overblown, aside we do get an absoluttley tremendous moment later as a car falls on top of Beakly.. and Magica, speaking once more urges Lena to leave her, let her die and let their plans progress. And while that iself is.. dumb, what if someone finds her or her corpse later, especially since Scrooge would likely perosnally want to retrive the body to give her a proper burial as she’s his only friend at this point, or the rest of the family questoin the story?, it fits Magica’s lack of foresight we see throughout the season. But Lena... saves her. While she later gives an explination, and a valid one at that, it’s clear from her expressoin, her actoins and how she does it... that this is her. Part of it is defiance, as she glares at Magica before doing it, her own stubborn nature mixed with her hatred of her “aunt”, meaning Magica just made it all too easy for her to do this. But the real reason is clear: It’s the right thing to do. While pissing off her aunt and getting away with it is the cherry on top.. the real reason is that unlike Magica.. Lena is not a killer, not a monster, and not a heartless vacum ofa person. Even if she doesn’t like Beakly, for good reason.. she can’t, she WON’T leave her to die and leave Webby an orphan again. She loves Webby too much to do that to her and while she may deny it.. she’s too good a person to leave someone to die for something so petty. Even if she never sees webby again and the plans ruined. It’s better than the weight of knowing she let someone who wasn’t trying to harm her and whose actions, while terrible, were out of misguided protection of her granddaughter, die like this. She saves her. And as we’ll see it pays off.. but before that. 

Huey, Webby and Louie: Into the Unknown This plot’s a bit shorter, as Webby and Huey continue their argument, with Louie eventually making it clear, and not even hiding it when directly asked by Huey, that he’s playing both sides with a delighted expression on his face as the movie was boring but this, this is interesting. Which it is. But it’s interupted by dings on the roof and while Huey assumes i’ts just a regular rock, it moves while their not lookiung.. and soon red eyed, horrifying beasts look out at them and the kids flee back to the car. This dosen’t pan out as the car starts to shake and is clearly going to collapse.. and while Webby and Louie are prepared to flee, rock monsters or no, Huey, in an utterly heart shattering image.. stays in place, terrified of moving. 

This is where this plot goes from mildly aggrivating, as Huey’s Skeptic shenanigans can get on the nerves.. to BRILLIANT. See at the time this was more annoying because it was assumed the skepticsim would be a part of Huey’s character and we’d get more episodes of him being annoying only to be proven wrong, as he semeingly dosen’t learn his lesson at this point, looging the terrafrimians in the guide book. But on rewatch.. this plot is amazing.  For starters the plot subtly introduced the defening characteristic of Huey’s personality, one that’s become more prounounced in Season 3: His need for Order. He needs things to make sense: He solves stuff because he likes there to be order in the world and something he can understand, he can put in a box in his head. Like a lot of neurotypical people, myself included, he struggles horribly when the clearly defined boxes of his life and things he undestand have wrinkles or complexities he can’t get. I for instnace easily got it when I was introduced to the concept of trans people or being non binary.. they just make sense in hindsight: given how our brains are messya nd complicated it makes sense some people would be born in the wrong ones, and tht with all the science and medicine we have to correct that, should be allowed to transition if they so choose. It makes equal sense that some people just don’t have a gender or are gender fluid, being both or neither. Despite struggling with non binary prounouns due to force of habit.. I get the concept with no real difficulty. But when it comes to accepting I don’t have to apologize for everything and that everyone is not angry or that anger is natural and people sometimes get mad and you can’t and shouldnt’ fix it.. it’s something I STRUGGLE with even knowing it’s not right, because my brain is just wired that way. 

That’s how Huey’s struggle comes off here.. he reveals he’s willing to stay and die.. because he’s SO scared of the unknown, that the idea of dying from something he at least knows what it is versus something he dosen’t.., so paralizyed by his own brain he can’t figure out the obvious.. it takes Webby reaching out to him figuratively and literally, to show him that sometimes you have to face the unknown. The unknown is fucking terrifying.. but it can be good and it’s better than sitting there, scared and unable to move. You have to try, to grow and take that risk that things may not go well to really LIVE. 

So he does.. and they reunite with the rest of the group.. and soon find the terrafirmains.. who as it turns out once we get some light on them... are actually just goofy looking,  brightly colored, each one matching one of the kids, kids themselves, and Huey reaches out and touches one, which by ET logic means their friends now, and the terrafirmians help them get out. And this lesson sticks. While sure Huey catalogues it and it seems it didn’t.. he’s never this skeptical again. This douchey skepticsim was only for one episode, his fear of the uknown replcaed with boundless curosity and from here on he’s CURIOUS about new stuff as long as it’s not trying to kill him. He loves taking in new experinces, maybe not to webby levels but he does actually try them and study them instead of just fearing them. 

Before we wrap things up, obviously we need to talk about the JWG not having entries on a lot of stuff. This would be corrected next season as it returns to being a big book of everything, but dosen’t completely contridct this as Timephoon! shows there’s stillcgaps.. which i’m fine with. While it knowing EVERYTHING was fine for the original series here, with things being slightly more groudned, it’d just be an obvious plothole if Huey didn’t use it every single time they ran into something and that’d get boring. Instead it’s simply that it dosen’t know everything, and really in the comics at times it didn’t and the triplets found out new things. It knew almost everything mind you, but having some gaps for dramatic tnesion is fine with me and Seasons 2 and 3 decided on that instead of just having it being a scouting manual which wa sfor the best. And even by later in the season hit has guides to getting a small buisness loan, so they already course corrected. 

So everything’s wrapped up and while Magica berates Lena for disobeying her.. Beakly interputps, thankfully not seeing magica and admits she was wrong and invites Lena for pancakes, even taking a crack about if their actually pancakes or english muffins with syrup, which sounds like my own living hell, in stride, having clearly grown. And Lena explains to Magica that this was the better approach: now she’s got the in theyw anted, and is above suspcison for now. Still not so much that an obvious act won’t be detected but enough that she dosen’t ahve to work actively around her anymore. Magica scoffs.. and while part of it is probably rage.. part of it is deep down both of them know she did it out of defiance.. and only Lena knows that she did it for the right reasons... she just dosen’t get why. She probably justifies it as playing the long game.. but deep down she knows something’s changing about her.. and she’s not sure if that’s a godo thing or not. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is as you can tell a mixed bag. It’s 2/3 of a good episode, with the Lena plot, my issues aside, being excellent and the Terra-Firmian plot likewise fun, even if Huey can get grating the payoff is worth it, and the jokes are really high quality. It’s just bogged down by that fucking launchpad plot that just crushed my soul in it’s palms every time it came back. I went on at length why i hated that one but boy oh boy was the hate of that subplot warranted and I stand by calling it the worst plot of the series. It is: it’s not funny, it makes no goddamn sense, and it drags down what’s otherwise a pretty solid epsiode.

Next Time on Lena: Jaws the shark, lurking in the dark, in the depths of the bin one day of a lark decides to get rowdy, get real violent takes a vacay out to Duckburg er.. Island.. also Scrooge faces his greatest Nemesis.. a PR Tour to clean up his image after an unfortunate giant Beanstalk Incident. Be there and be hip to be square. 

Next Time on This Blog: I Tackle a DCOM for the first time for another commissioned review as we take a look at racisim, specifically Apartheid and breaking indoctrination, with The Color of Friendship. See you next Rainbow. 

[astrodances]

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to @duckrights​! I’m your Secret Santa for @ducktalessecretsanta2019​! Your gift was so much fun to work on, and I hope you enjoy it!

Couple notes about the sweaters: Webby’s is of a sword with a candy cane handle. Gosalyn’s says “Tiny Terror of Tinsel,” and Drake’s would say “Terror That Jingles In the Night” (if I hadn’t run out of room for the last word).

Also, bonus drabble that takes place post-drawing that I couldn’t resist writing under the cut, along with a close-up pic of the first card!

Christmas Terrors

After about an hour, Drake had to face the facts: there was forever going to be "glitter snow" ingrained into his carpets after tonight. The fate of Launchpad's hair and feathers wasn't as dire, but even so, it seemed the pilot would be sparkling for the next few days.

Still, coming home to find Gosalyn, Webby, and Lena decorating a sleeping Launchpad like a Christmas tree had been an adorable sight, one that Drake made sure to grab a photo of before gently waking his husband with a kiss under his mistletoe headband. After he stepped back a moment later, Launchpad finally took stock of his tinsel trappings, and––in true Launchpad fashion––bellowed a hearty, good-natured laugh, much to the kids' relief.

A concerted effort to free him followed.

How Gosalyn managed to get not one but two unsolvable knots that tied the Christmas lights and tinsel draped across Launchpad's shoulders together was beyond everyone, but it ultimately took Webby's skills with a pocketknife (where did she get a knife?! - Drake had to wonder) to cut the makeshift sash loose. And as soon as he was free, Launchpad took the tinsel and draped it over Gosalyn's head, ignoring her attempts to bat him away as he wrapped the loose ends around her ponytail.

"There. Now you truly are the 'Tiny Terror of Tinsel!'" he laughed, referring to the title across her sweater.

"Yeah, yeah," Gosalyn returned with a final push as Webby came closer to awe over her new crown.

Drake glanced up at the clock as Lena walked past him to snatch a couple of cookies from the plate on the coffee table. "Eleven already? You kids should've been in bed an hour ago!" he noted, pulling the plate from the table to hold it out of reach.

Gosalyn looked between her friends before crossing her arms and smirking back up at her dad. "One more cookie each, and then we'll go."

Drake knew he shouldn't give in, and yet...it was two days before Christmas, and a sleepover. And Lena was already on their second cookie anyway. With an exaggerated sigh, he lowered the plate and made a show of his loss. "Alright, fine. You win! You two can each have two more cookies, since Lena here already set the precedent, and I am, if nothing else, a fair man." He provided extra flourish by waving his hand around to land proudly on his chest.

Lena simply popped the last bite of their cookie in their mouth and gave a thumbs-up to the other two, who cheered and grabbed their respective sweets from the plate. Gosalyn gave her dads a hug and kiss goodnight, before leading her friends upstairs to her room.

"Just be sure to brush your teeth!" Drake called after them.

"Sure thing," Gosalyn mumbled around a mouthful of cookie as they reached the top of the steps.

Once he heard her door shut, Drake chuckled and shook his head, walking back to the living room to find Launchpad eating his own share of cookies.

"Seriously, LP?"

"What?" Launchpad shrugged. "It's not my bedtime yet."

Drake rolled his eyes, before taking one of the cookies for himself and sitting down to snuggle into his husband on the couch, the other's arm easily pulling him in closer.

For how loud it had been just a few minutes ago with the kids downstairs, they now found themselves in a blissful peace. The television was on, but only to the channel of a burning Yule log, its crackle providing a measure of warmth in spirit. Drake looked up at the ceiling, watching how the lights from the Christmas tree next to them glowed a neon mix of colors along the edges of the space, tempered with the flickering of flames from the menorah on the table before them. Against the snow drifting outside the window behind them, the ambience inside felt so...warm. So right.

Of course, most of that feeling he owed to Launchpad, who could make a prison cell the happiest place in the world just with his smile.

With a slight tilt of his head, Drake looked up at the man in question, wondering how he got so lucky, and found himself climbing further up the couch to kiss the side of his beak, before delving into a full kiss. Soft, tender, and oh so loving. And with a hint of chocolate to boot.

Yet when they pulled apart, Drake's eyes fluttered open to find Launchpad's face twisted up in an attempt not to laugh.

"...What?" he asked warily.

Launchpad brought a hand up to brush his thumb across Drake's lower beak, leaving him breathless with his gentle touch. But the moment ended all too soon as Launchpad broke down into a fit of stifled giggles, turning his thumb to let his husband inspect it.

It was sparkling in the low light of the decorations. It was–

"Glitter snow," Drake deadpanned, immediately brushing off his beak and sputtering as Launchpad didn't hold back anymore. "I don't know what you're laughing about. I got it off of you." Despite Launchpad's shaking frame, Drake did his best to swipe another sample from the side of his head and held his hand up between them. "There, see? More glitter. The nightmare of every theater––I should know." He gave an involuntary shudder at memories of traversing backstages and using props covered in the stuff.

Launchpad finally got a hold of himself to say, "Hey, it wasn't me. It was the kids!"

Drake hummed that over. "You know, you're right..." A devious glint formed in his eye as he sprang up on his feet, gathering handfuls of tinsel from earlier from the table. "LP, what do you say to a little retaliation, all in the spirit of the season?" he asked, nodding towards upstairs, where the kids were surely asleep by now.

Despite not being one to usually pull pranks, Launchpad stood up, eager to have a little Christmas fun of their own with the man he loved. "I say: I'll get the camera!"

"Great! Then let's get glittery."

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/the-latest-vaccine-makers-figuring-out-tweaks-national-world-news/

The Latest: Vaccine makers figuring out tweaks | National/World News

WASHINGTON — The makers of COVID-19 vaccines are figuring out how to tweak their recipes against worrisome virus mutations — and regulators are looking to flu as a blueprint if and when the shots need an update.

“It’s not really something you can sort of flip a switch, do overnight,” cautioned Richard Webby, who directs a World Health Organization flu center from St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Viruses mutate constantly and it takes just the right combination of particular mutations to escape vaccination. But studies are raising concern that first-generation COVID-19 vaccines don’t work as well against a mutant that first emerged in South Africa as they do against other versions circulating around the world.

The good news: Many of the new COVID-19 vaccines are made with new, flexible technology that’s easy to upgrade. What’s harder: Deciding if the virus has mutated enough that it’s time to modify vaccines — and what changes to make.

———

THE VIRUS OUTBREAK:

— COVID-19 conspiracy shows the reach of Chinese disinformation around the world

— Here’s a look at the key superspreaders of virus disinformation

— In Germany, carnival organizers found other ways to have fun — including floats poking fun at the likes of Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump.

— Peru minister resigns amid uproar over government officials being vaccinated before country received 1M doses for health workers

— Britain reaches a vaccination goal: Giving first shots to 15 million most vulnerable

— Israel decides not to send a delegation of defense companies to a prestigious arms fair in the United Arab Emirates

— Italy won’t open its ski slopes due to fears of virus variants

— Follow all of AP’s pandemic coverage at https://apnews.com/hub/coronavirus-pandemic, https://apnews.com/hub/coronavirus-vaccine and https://apnews.com/UnderstandingtheOutbreak

———

HERE’S WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING:

BERLIN — The European Union’s health agency is urging countries to address what it calls “pandemic fatigue” that is leading to increasing protests and unwillingness to follow virus restrictions.

The European Center for Disease Prevention and Control said Monday that properly addressing pandemic fatigue was “a matter of urgency if further waves of infection are to be avoided.”

The Stockholm-based agency said governments should emphasize the risk of more cases and deaths if hygiene measures are ignored and be transparent about uncertainties regarding issues such as the vaccine rollout, which has raised widespread hopes of an imminent end to lockdowns.

ECDC said that the appearance of variants of the virus in the Europe posed a particular concern and could undo the drop in cases seen on the continent in recent weeks.

The agency said countries should increase testing sequencing of samples for variants, warning that its analysis suggests unless pandemic restrictions such as mask wearing are continued or strengthened during the coming months, “a significant increase in COVID-19-related cases and deaths” in Europe can be expected.

———

ZAGREB, Croatia – Croatia is another European Union state after Hungary that has shown interest in procuring Russian developed Sputnik V coronavirus vaccine after hiccups in deliveries of Western-made shots.

Prime Minister Andrej Plenkovic said Monday that Russia is ready to provide the vaccine and Croatia’s health authorities will decide on its use after approval from the European Medicines Agency.

Croatia earlier this month launched its vaccination campaign with AstraZeneca shots, imposing none of the age limits that have been put in place by some other EU states.

Hungary has become the first EU member to start using Sputnik V and hopes to deploy China’s Sinopharm vaccine soon, despite neither having received approval from EU’s medicines regulator.

Non-EU member Serbia has been the first to start administering both the Russian as well as Chinese vaccines in Europe, helping it become one of the top states on the continent in the speed of the vaccination rollout.

———

BEIRUT — Coronavirus case numbers are stabilizing in parts of the Middle East but the situation remains critical, with more than a dozen countries reporting cases of new variants, the World Health Organization said Monday.

Ahmed al-Mandhari, director of WHO’s eastern Mediterranean region, which comprises most of the Middle East, said in a press briefing from Cairo that at least one of the three new coronavirus variants was reported in the 13 countries in the region. He did not name the countries.

All three of the new variants are more contagious, according to WHO.

Al-Mandhari said there are nearly 6 million confirmed cases of coronavirus in the region and about 140,000 deaths. WHO urged people to continue taking precautionary measures against the virus.

———

WASHINGTON— A top American epidemiologist says Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines for reopening schools during the coronavirus pandemic are sufficient but schools will face major challenges in the coming weeks because of virus variants.

Michael Osterholm is head of the University of Minnesota’s Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy and was named to Joe Biden’s coronavirus task force before Biden became president. Osterholm says there’s low virus transmission at schools, especially for younger students, but virus variants are “a real red flag coming down the road.”

Osterholm told CBS on Monday he thinks a virus variant from the United Kingdom in particular is going to cause such a surge in U.S. cases over the next 14 weeks that “a lot of schools are going to be challenged to open at all.”

The CDC said Friday in-person schooling can resume safely with masks, social distancing and other strategies. The nation’s top public health agency says vaccinating teachers is important but isn’t a prerequisite for reopening schools.

Osterholm says health authorities don’t have enough vaccine doses for everyone so he’d prioritize vaccinating older people over teachers.

———

LONDON — Britain’s newly established quarantine hotels have received their first guests as the government tries to prevent new variants of the coronavirus from derailing its fast-moving vaccination drive.

Passengers arriving at London’s Heathrow Airport on Monday morning were escorted by security guards to buses that took them to nearby hotels.

Britain has given a first dose of coronavirus vaccine to almost a quarter of the population, but health officials are concerned that vaccines may not work as well on some new strains of the virus, including one first identified in South Africa.

Under the new rules, people arriving in England from 33 high-risk countries must stay in designated hotels for 10 days at their own expense, with meals delivered to their door. In Scotland the rule applies to arrivals from any country.

———

THE HAGUE, Netherlands — Some 500 people have gathered in a theater in the central Dutch city of Utrecht for the first in a series of test events aimed at charting a path toward a post-pandemic normality for large-scale gatherings.

Economic Affairs Minister Mona Keijzer says that, “returning to normal, whether it’s a conference with your colleagues, a sports match or a concert: everyone wants that.”

When that might be possible remains unclear. The Netherlands is in a tough lockdown until at least next month, with large-scale gatherings banned altogether, shops, bars, restaurants and museums closed and sports like professional soccer happening behind closed stadium doors.

Participants in Monday’s trial had to present a negative COVID-19 test result, had their temperatures taken on arrival and will have to undergo another test after attending the event.

The government says it will use data gathered at the event to help decide “how to work toward safe and responsible events” in the future.

The event came with Dutch infections on a gradual downward trend in recent weeks and vaccinations ramping up after a slow start that made the Netherlands become the last of the 27 European Union nations to begin its vaccination campaign.

———

BERLIN — German authorities say police have turned back some 5,000 people at the country’s borders with the Czech Republic and Austria’s Tyrol region since tight controls were introduced on Sunday.

Germany imposed checks to slow the spread of the British coronavirus variant from the Czech Republic and the South African variant from Tyrol. It is restricting entry to German citizens and residents, truck drivers, transport and health service workers and a few others including cross-border commuters working in “systemically relevant sectors.” All have to show a negative coronavirus test.

Interior Ministry spokesman Steve Alter said, by Monday morning, federal police had checked about 10,000 people and turned back some 5,000.

The checks have prompted strong criticism from Austria.

Chancellor Angela Merkel’s spokesman, Steffen Seibert, defended the German measures. He said that “the German government had to act here” to prevent the rapid spread of more contagious virus variants.

———

BRUSSELS — The EU’s anti-fraud office, OLAF, is urging member states to be vigilant against scammers offering to sell fake COVID-19 vaccines as the 27-nation bloc faces delays in the supply of shots.

In a statement Monday, OLAF said it was made aware of a number of reports of scammers offering to sell vaccines in a bid to defraud EU governments trying to speed up the pace of vaccination.

The EU has been criticized for a slow rollout of COVID-19 vaccines in comparison with other parts of the world, lagging behind the pace of countries like Britain or Israel. The EU commission has signed six contracts for more than 2 billion doses of various coronavirus vaccines, but only three of them have been approved for use so far and the delivery of shots has been disturbed by production delays.

———

BELGRADE, Serbia — Authorities in Serbia’s capital Belgrade on Monday held an emergency meeting over a surge in night clubbing that has drawn thousands of partygoers in violation of rules against the new coronavirus.

Belgrade’s mayor announced stepped-up controls of clubs, cafes and other venues that are allowed to operate until 8p.m. with limited capacity. but have widely flouted government restrictions.

Serbian police said they detained five people over the weekend after breaking up two big parties in different parts of the city. A party in central Belgrade gathered about 1,000 people and the other, held in a new part of the city, around 600, police said.

Before the virus outbreak, Belgrade was known for its wild nightlife that centers on clubs situated on rafts on the capital’s two rivers, the Danube and Sava.

———

MADRID — Police across Spain have wrapped a weekend of cracking down on parties and boozing in public contravening restrictions to halt the spread of the coronavirus.

Large parties ignoring social distancing, mask wearing and existing curfews were closed down in Ibiza, northeastern Tarragona and many other parts of the country, which has only recently slowed down the sharp increase of contagion seen after the end-of-year celebrations.

In Madrid alone, police fined 450 people for street alcohol consumption in groups and busted 418 illegal parties in entertainment venues and private homes from Friday to Sunday, including a rave in a warehouse with 55 adults and 11 minors who were not wearing masks and were using drugs.

The National Police also found over 50 people in a small apartment rented for tourists in the center of the Spanish capital.

The parties are increasingly better organized to attract foreign visitors and avoid scrutiny, the local police say, with no cash exchanged and payments via phone. In contrast with much of Europe, where entertainment venues have been closed, bars and restaurants in Madrid are allowed to open until 9 p.m.

Spain has managed to lower its 14-day rate of infection per 100,000 residents, from nearly 900 cases in Jan. 27 to less than 500 on Friday, but experts are warning against relaxing restrictions too fast, given that COVID-19 wards in hospitals are still grappling with high occupation rates.

———

BERLIN — Officers trying to bust a clandestine Carnival celebration in eastern Germany were left red-faced when most of the revelers escaped police on skis.

German news agency dpa reported Monday that police in the town of Marienberg, near the border with the Czech Republic, received information that about 100 people were partying Sunday without abiding by the requirements to wear face masks or respect minimum social distancing.

Police were unable to determine how many people had broken the law, however, because their arrival prompted a hasty on-ski departure by most of the party-goers.

Saxony, where Marienberg is located, has the second-highest infection rate of Germany’s 16 states. Germany has restricted entry from the neighboring Czech Republic and Austria’s Tyrol state to prevent the spread of variant viruses from those countries.

Police across Germany have broken up numerous Carnival celebrations across the country in recent days.

———

LONDON — People arriving in Britain must quarantine in hotels starting Monday as the government tries to prevent new variants of the coronavirus derailing its fast-moving vaccination drive.

On Sunday the government reached its goal of giving the first of two doses of vaccine to 15 million of the most vulnerable people, including health care workers and over-70s.

Health Secretary Matt Hancock said the vaccination drive is now being extended to people over 65 and those with underlying health conditions.

Health officials are concerned that vaccines may not work as well on some new strains of the virus, including one first identified in South Africa.

People arriving in England from 33 high-risk countries must stay in quarantine hotels for 10 days at their own expense. In Scotland the rule applies to arrivals from any country.

Critics say the move comes too late, with the South African variant already circulating in the country.

———

HARARE — Zimbabwe has received its first COVID-19 vaccines with the arrival early Monday of an Air Zimbabwe jet carrying 200,000 Sinopharm doses from China.

It is one of China’s first shipments of vaccines to Africa, after deliveries to Egypt and Equatorial Guinea.

The first Sinopharm vaccines are a donation from China to the southern African country. President Emmerson Mnanagagwa’s government has purchased an additional 600,000 doses of the Sinopharm vaccine that are expected to arrive early next month, according to state media.

Mnangagwa, in a Twitter post, said the Chinese vaccines will be administered to Zimbabweans this week.

———

JERUSALEM — A large-scale Israeli study has pointed to the efficacy of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine at preventing symptomatic infections with the coronavirus.

Clalit, the largest of Israel’s four health care providers, released a study Sunday that compared infections in 600,000 Israelis who had received the vaccine compared to 600,000 who were not immunized.

The study found a 94% drop in symptomatic infections and a 92% drop in serious cases of the disease among those vaccinated. It said “the efficacy of the vaccine is preserved in every age group,” particularly a week after the second dose of the vaccine.

The researchers said the preliminary findings of the ongoing research “is aimed at emphasizing to the population that has yet to vaccinate that the vaccine is highly effective and prevents serious illness.”

Israel launched its COVID-19 vaccine campaign in December. Since then, over a quarter of the population — 2.5 million people — have received two doses of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, and over 42% have received the first shot, according to the Health Ministry.

!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s) if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function()n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments); if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0'; n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window,document,'script', 'https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); fbq('init', '1022689164882457'); fbq('track', 'PageView');

[pickalilywrites]

Rivetra for The Spiderman movie please?

Send me a ship and a movie and I’ll write a one-shot!

You Don’t Have To Be Alone

I’ve actually only seen the Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield one although I hear the recent Tom Holland movie is excellent! Spiderman is probably one of my favorite Marvel heroes to watch in film tbh. 

Levi’s kind of a curious choice to be Spiderman (personality-wise they’re quite different, at least from what I’ve seen in the movies) but it was pretty fun imagining what it’d be like if he were!

He picks up the phone as soon as he sees the stupid scientist’s name flicker across his screen. If anyone knows what’s wrong with him, she does.

“You better have something good to tell me,” he growls. There were some things that were a little more convenient than others. The superhuman strength, for example, and the heightened senses like hearing and sensing movements in his surroundings. But other things were just weird or plain disgusting, like the strange webby fluid that came from his wrists. It’s not that difficult for him to hide these things from his classmates; it’s not like he talks to very many people anyway, but it’s fucking annoying.

“I have two things to tell you,” Hanji chirps on the phone. She either doesn’t mind his harsh tone or doesn’t care, although it’s quite possible that she hasn’t taken notice of it either. A part of him thinks that the scientist, although a highly gifted employee at Titan Corp., is kind of an airhead. “The bad news is that I have no idea if we can ever reverse the effects of the spider bite. The good news is that it seems to have altered your DNA for the better. Super strength, heightened senses, your enhanced physiology. You could be a superhero! And I took a look at that fluid sample from your wrists. Did you know it’s made up of that same stuff that spiderwebs are made up of? It’s pretty incredible.”  

“How is any of that good news?” he hisses. Sure, maybe it’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero but he’s not a kid. “If you guys were going to have something as disgusting as a spider around, you guys should have locked it up properly.” His free hand reaches up to his neck. The bump from where the spider bit him isn’t as prominent as it was the day he got it, but he can still feel it when he rubs his thumb across it.

“Hey, it wasn’t just any spider. It was a genetically enhanced spider for scientific purposes! And normal spiders aren’t bad either. They’re just misunderstood! People just paint the little critters as villains because they’re scared and don’t know any better.”

He’s about to tell her he doesn’t have time to listen to her chatter on about the wonders of spiders and their abilities, but a voice from behind calls him. “Levi!”

There aren’t a lot of people who would shout his name and normally that sort of thing would bother him. He hates his name being shouted for so many other people to hear, but he knows that voice and he’d be stupid to ignore the girl calling for him. “I’ll call you back later,” he says, interrupting Hanji in the middle of her sentence and not even bothering to say goodbye before he hangs up.

Petra looks curiously at him as he hurriedly shoves his phone into the pocket of his jeans. “Was that important? You could have just told me you were busy,” she says to him.

“It wasn’t important,” he lies.

She wrinkles her nose at him, showing she doesn’t believe him. “Alright. I just wanted to make sure you were still coming over to study. You are, right?”

“Yeah,” he grunts. “You’ll be home at four, right? When your club meeting ends.” He’s not actually sure how he’s managed to snag a study session with Petra Ral. He’s not actually sure why she’s invited him to her house for studying, but he’s sure as hell going to go along with it because there’s really no other way he’d get close to her.

She smiles at him and she has a dimple in her cheek, he notices. “Yeah. I’ll text you if I’m out early though.” She glances at her watch. “Better go before I’m late. I’ll see you later, Levi.” She leaves but not before reaching out to squeeze his arm, giving him a smile before she walks away.

He’s never really been the type to stop and stare in awe, but for some reason he’s rooted to his spot and he watches as Petra disappears in the crowd of people in the hallway. He would probably stand there all day if left uninterrupted, but his phone vibrates violently in his pocket and snaps him out of his daze.

It’s Hanji again.

“Did you have something else to tell me?” he asks, a little miffed that the scientist feels the need to call him up twice in such a short period of time.

“Was that a girl calling your name before you hung up on me?” she asks. “Her voice is cute! She’s not your girlfriend, is she? You never said you had a girlfriend. I can’t really imagine you with one, to be honest. You’re kind of a dark and brooding loner. Some girls like that though. Maybe that’s it?”

He hangs up without saying anything and makes a mental note not to pick up for her anytime soon.

“Heroes are really something,” she murmurs as she scrolls through an article on her laptop.

Petra, Levi has discovered, isn’t that great at studying. She does it in spurts. Reads something for thirty minutes, then fools around by looking at cat pictures or reading articles about heroes saving the city. He’s never been able to take breaks like that. He has to do everything at once or not at all. He scolded her once or twice for fooling around but she always tells him that she retains information when she studies this way.

“Stop looking up pictures of Captain America,” he tells her, not even bothering to glare at her anymore because he’s too used to this.

She turns her laptop around, a picture of the blonde supermodel superhero on her screen. “Captain America? More like ‘Commander Handsome,’ right?”

He doesn’t bother responding to that. “Why do you like superheroes so much?” he asks instead.

“Hmm?” she turns the laptop back to face her, typing a few things in. She’s probably looking for more pictures of Captain America or some other superhero that everyone else is spazzing about. He thinks she has an unhealthy obsession with them, but then again everybody seems to these days. She finally tears her eyes away from her screen to look at him. “You don’t like them?”

He shrugs. It’s not that he hates them. He just doesn’t understand them. He can’t see these all-powerful people saving others out of the goodness of their hearts. It didn’t seem to be a good enough reason. “I’m indifferent,” he replies.

“Well,” Petra says. She sets her laptop on her bed next to her and closes it. “When people are helpless, shouldn’t you help them if you have the ability to instead of looking the other way? It makes people less alone, I think, especially when they feel helpless.”

And maybe that’s why he doesn’t get it. Because he’s always been alone and now he doesn’t feel like he owes the world a thing. He never asked for these powers and even if they are a blessing, why should he use them to help people who would have turned a blind eye on him in the past? Where had they been when he cowered in the corner when strange men came home with his mother? Where were they when he and his mother didn’t have food for days? And where were they when he finally watched his mother pass away, leaving him truly alone?

“Levi.” Her voice breaks him away from his train of thought and she’s leaning towards him now, her hand stretched out to brush his hair away from his eyes. “Are you okay?”

He grabs her wrist, stopping her from touching her face and he can see that he’s gripping her too hard because of how she’s wincing. He lets go just as quickly as if he were burned. “I’m fine,” he mutters. “Let’s get back to studying.”

She opens her mouth and it appears that she’s about to say something, but she shuts her mouth and just nods, opening her laptop again.

He’s always been okay with silence. He finds it peaceful, but this time it’s different. It’s so quiet that it’s giving him a headache and he can’t stand the distance he feels growing between them. And he probably can’t close the gap, he’ll probably end up alone again, but he finds himself reaching for her hand and whispering, “I’m sorry,” in a voice so desperate that he doesn’t realize how much he wants to fix this until now.

She looks at his hand so tentative on hers and she sees his face. He’s ready for her to pull her hand away from his but she abandons her laptop, pulls him into her arms. “I know,” she tells him.

He wraps his arms around her and doesn’t let go.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and sighs, not even bothering to glance at the screen when he picks up because he already knows who it is. “Do you have to call me all the time?” he asks.

“Do I have to call you every time you rescue a cat from a tree? Save people from an impending doom? Prevent total destruction of the world?” Hanji asks on the other end. She always has impeccable timing, calling him the second he’s done with one of his unintended hero tasks. It’s like she has cameras everywhere. “Yeah, I do! What if something happens to you? You should be flattered I care about you so much!”

“It’s not flattering, it’s just a bother,” he tells her.

As usual, she just laughs it off as if it were just a joke. “You’re funny, Levi,” she says. “But you know, I’ve really got to wonder why you’re doing all this. Didn’t you say you weren’t interested in being a hot shot superhero? I’m pretty sure you’re the only thing the people in this city talk about now.”

He had never meant to be a hero, not then and not now. It just sort of happened. It started with him helping a cat out of a tree. It wouldn’t be a big deal, he decided. He just had to pull over his hood to obscure his face a little, use his new webbing powers to reach the cat, and then bring it back down. He’d do it and leave it before anyone could see him. The only problem was that someone did see him. It was a kid who was probably in elementary school who had come to see where the crying cat was.

“You saved that cat!” the kid said, wide-eyed.

“Uh, I guess,” Levi mumbled, trying to pull his hood down over his face more.

“Are you some kind of superhero?” the kid asked suspiciously, trying to sneak a peek at Levi’s face.

“No,” Levi said hastily. “Why would you say that?”

“I saw you get down on from that tree with this string stuff from your hands!” the kid said. He was speaking a little too loudly, but Levi didn’t know how to shut the kid up. “You were like some kind of…spider man!”

“You’re just seeing things,” Levi said, pushing past the kid and the stupid cat that kept rubbing at his legs. He was trying to act natural, but he was probably walking too quickly to seem completely unsuspicious. “Go to school!”

He should have been a lot more cautious after that, perhaps just avoided any type of heroic act entirely, but things just kept popping up. It used to be just simple things like saving people who were crossing the street at the wrong time and preventing them from being hit by a bus. Then things just started escalating. There were “meta-humans,” as Hanji called them, popping up over the city. People with superhuman powers that were able to control the elements. Some of them were heroes, part of a team that people referred to as the Avengers, but others came to terrorize the city. So of course, he found himself in the middle of everything he had meant to keep away from and the next thing he knew, his hooded figure and dreadful superhero name (which ended up being “Spiderman,” a hero name that a ten-year-old could think up) were splattered on every newspaper and television screen.

“It just sort of happened,” he says to Hanji after a while.

She snorts. “Please, I’ve been begging you for it and you would just grumble to me about how you didn’t owe the world a damn thing.”

He still stood by that thought. He still doesn’t owe anyone anything, but he sometimes thinks about what Petra said. Maybe he could make it so that those who are in need the most aren’t alone.

“My friend’s more convincing than you,” he tells her.

“Must be a good friend,” Hanji muses.

“Yeah, well. She’s not bad, I guess.”

She’s on his doorstep and he has to stop himself from slamming the door in her face. He’s faced monsters with unnatural powers, so why is it that a normal girl like her makes him want to run away?

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t make any room for her to come in, but she pushes past him and walks into his apartment. It’s a mess no matter how much he cleans it. His uncle’s a slob and leaves his trash everywhere. The only real clean space is Levi’s room, but Petra looks too angry to care about how messy his place is.

“What are you hiding?” she asks. She’s planted herself firmly in the center of the living room, making it clear that she didn’t plan on leaving unless he gave her a clear answer.

“I’m not hiding anything,” he mutters, but he doesn’t know why he even bothers lying to her. She knows him too well and she’s too stubborn to give up. “Petra, it’s really nothing.”

“You don’t even show up to classes half of the time. You don’t return my calls. I haven’t talked to you in days, Levi,” she says. She’s angry, but she’s trying hard not to cry. “What are you doing that you can’t tell me?”

He can’t bring himself to tell her. It’s too dangerous for her to know. But he can’t bring himself to lead her out of the apartment either. He stands in place and lets her walk closer to him, her hand reaching out to push back the hood of his jacket, so she can see his face. He closes his eyes when she finally pulls it back and hears her gasp when she sees the cuts and bruises on his face.

“Levi,” she whispers, “what happened?”

“I’m sorry.”

She should walk out right now, leave him alone like he had always been, but she takes him in her arms. “Don’t be sorry,” she tells him. “Just tell me what’s wrong. So you don’t have to be alone anymore.”

And he does.

[ezatluba]

Bill Gates says a devastating 'quirk of nature' could kill 30 million people in a year. Researchers are fighting that threat by studying bird butts.

Hilary Brueck

Jul. 9, 2019

Migrating shorebirds stop each spring in New Jersey to feast on horseshoe-crab eggs. The birds have lots of flu strains in their guts.

Researchers swab the birds' butts (the technical term is "cloacas") and pick up their droppings in search of clues about potential future pandemics.

A pandemic flu that hops from birds to humans could quickly circulate around the world, killing hundreds of millions of people before scientists develop a vaccine.

Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

On a May morning, birders and scientists descended on Reed's Beach with gunpowder and a cannon. They hid in the grass and mud, waiting for the right moment to shoot.

Hours passed as the sun drifted into the middle of the sky, then finally the rifle powder ignited, and the thud sent more than 100 stunned shore birds into a frenzy. They stretched their wings to soar into the air, then quickly tumbled to the ground, trapped in wide nets that had been shot from the cannon.

In an instant, dozens of people emerged from hiding spots in the beach dunes, rushing through the sand to pick the birds up. A few flu researchers went straight for the creatures' back ends.

Ths wasn't part of a war reenactment or violent uprising. It was a meticulously crafted plan to help scientists fight a dangerous yet almost invisible enemy: a potential flu pandemic that could originate from the guts of migrating birds.

Traveling birds are the primordial hosts of influenza viruses, which means they can harbor deadly flu strains that could get transmitted to chickens, pigs, and people. Every pandemic flu the world has ever seen has come from birds like these.

On the beach, the goal is to take a close look at these birds' butts and poop in the hopes of gathering information that could help scientists prevent the next deadly flu pandemic. This particular stretch of beach is especially good for bird research, since of thousands of tiny, well-traveled shorebirds — each small enough to fit into the palm of your hand — flock there during migration to gorge themselves on the protein rich-eggs of horseshoe crabs.

It's a ritual scientists have participated in every May for over three decades, when migratory birds stop along the Jersey Shore as they journey north from South America. For about three to four days, as the birds feast, researchers swab their throats and butts (technically they're called "cloacas") and collect hundreds of poop samples.

Their aim is to uncover clues about what the next dangerous bird flu might look like — while there's still time to prepare.

We are woefully unprepared for the next pandemic

The field work on Reed's Beach helped researchers discover that birds are the primary, natural hosts for pandemic flu.

The last big pandemic flu — the H1N1 virus nicknamed the Spanish flu— killed 50 million people in 1918. American soldiers brought the Spanish flu to the battlefields of WWI before the illness eventually spread as far as New Zealand, but it originally came from birds.

Most scientists agree that the next pandemic is a matter of when, not if. Experts think that if a pandemic flu similar to the 1918 one were to arise today, it could infect one in every three people alive. Without a good vaccine to combat it, the virus could kill more than one out of every 10 humans on the planet — upwards of 900 million people.

More recent pandemics include the 1957-58 "Asian flu;" the 1968 Hong Kong pandemic, which killed at least 1 million people; and the H1N1 pandemic of 2009, from which an estimated 284,000 died. Researchers have compelling evidence that each of those strains also came from bird guts.

The interconnected nature of our modern lives due to air travel and other daily migrations of people and food means the chance that a deadly virus could hit hard is only increasing.

"The world needs to prepare for pandemics in the same serious way it prepares for war," Bill Gates said last year, on the 100-year anniversary of the Spanish flu. "If history has taught us anything, it's that there will be another deadly global pandemic."

One pandemic simulation developed at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security estimated that if a "moderately contagious" and "moderately lethal" virus were unleashed today, it would kill as many as 150 million people in 20 months. That's almost half of the population of the US.

For birds, on the other hand, flu viruses are relatively benign, manifesting as gastrointestinal issues that are of little consequence to their health. The reason some flus become human-transmittable — then proliferate around the globe, with devastating consequences — while others don't remains a mystery.

"At the moment, we don't understand which ones are threats, and which ones aren't," Richard Webby, an infectious-disease expert at St Jude Children's Research Hospital who helps develop the annual flu vaccine, told Business Insider.

By studying the flu virus in birds, scientists hope to discover new strains that haven't hit humans yet and work on ways to fight those illnesses, perhaps by developing vaccines or creating antiviral drugs(like Tamiflu) that can make a case of the flu less severe.

'About 20% of them are pooping out influenza'

The more bird species interact with each other (in places where they congregate like markets, barns, or beaches), the more likely it is that their different flu genes will mix. More flu-virus interaction creates more opportunity for a virus to morph into a new strain capable of hopping into humans.

That's why Reed's Beach is one-of-a-kind: Up to 25 types of sea birds come together there each spring. There's the red knot, which travels more than 9,000 miles from the southern tip of Argentina to the Canadian Arctic, as well as ruddy turnstones on their way up from Brazil, plus sanderlings, semipalmated sandpipers, and several species of gulls.

It's a mixing ground for a hemisphere's worth of bird poop. (Similar research is done in poultry markets in Bangladesh, chicken and duck farms on the Nile river delta in Egypt, and on wild ducks in Alberta, Canada.)

"Those beautiful, healthy birds — about 20% of them are pooping out influenza," Robert Webster, a flu expert who pinpointed the Jersey shore bird hotspot in 1985, told Business Insider. "Where do so many infected birds come from? Where did they get their viruses from? We don't really know."

Flu viruses can morph in two ways. The first is via a routine process called genetic drift, in which a virus multiplies and undergoes small genetic changes over time as it replicates. The second happens when two viruses mix together, which can create new (and dangerous) bugs capable of infecting chickens, pigs, or people.

At least 16 different "A" influenza subtypes — the kind responsible for pandemics in humans — are found in aquatic birds (and two additional influenza A subtypes were recently discovered in bats). Researchers looking at flu strains on Reed's Beach have found close relatives of the 1918 Spanish Flu (in the H1N1 group), as well as other strains that look like the Hong Kong pandemic bug.

"You're never going to know somebody had some bird flu unless they get really sick," Pamela McKenzie, a flu researcher from St. Jude Children's Research Hospital who participates in the annual bird-research frenzy on the beach, told Business Insider as she gathered poop samples.

The birds also harbor some strains that we haven't seen in humans in over 50 years, Webster said. That means if they were to hop into people now, our immune systems would be shocked.

"We know that the H2 viruses are still there in the wild birds and they're a potential threat to humans," he said. "We are concerned that there is no immunity in the human population, or only in the elderly, and so that is why we worry about them."

If a bird flu were to break out, public-health officials have a few anti-flu weapons to deploy. Stockpiled antiviral drugs called neuraminidase inhibitors can help, as long as they're dispensed within a couple days after a person gets sick. Otherwise, scientists would need to develop a new vaccine, but that could take months and ultimately prove ineffective if the virus morphed again before the vaccine was finished.

"Even with the very best technology that we have, it takes six months to make a new vaccine," Webster said. "And in the meantime, the virus is spread all over the world and if it's a deadly virus, it's going to kill many, many, many people."

This is another reason scientists are scrambling to develop a universal flu vaccine that would offer long-term protection against all kinds of flu, unlike the annual shot.

Trapping birds using cannons, nets, and tall grass

Trapping the birds on Reed's Beach is a multi-hour operation that can be easily foiled if the birds get startled.

Before the big cannon-shooting moment, researchers used walkie-talkies to radio to one another in different spots around the bay. Slowly, they worked together to corner the birds into a small inlet. Then after the projectile net sent the birds gently toppling to the ground, the flu researchers unpacked their vials and swabs.

In addition to the live swabs, researchers also gathered about 600 poop samples from the beach using long-stemmed Q-tips.

None of these scientists seemed too concerned about coming into contact with a potential killer flu on the beach — they don't even wear gloves while picking up poop samples (though they do when swabbing the birds' cloacas). Instead, they simply maintain good hygiene on the sand and off, knowing they're more likely to get the flu from touching a door handle or sitting next to a sick person.

Once all the samples were packed in coolers and ready to go to the lab, the research crew left the birds alone on the beach. By the end of May, most of the birds had flown north; their dedicated beach area re-opened to the public in June.

In labs, researchers are now conducting DNA analyses to find out which influenza strains were circulating on the beach this year, how that compares to years past, and whether there was any new flu. That work will take about six months.

So far, after years of field research, scientists have gained some clues about which genes make an influenza strain more likely to be harmful and better able to jump from birds to poultry, pigs, and people. The new genetic information from this year will become part of that catalogue of three decades' worth of flu-gene segments, enlarging the database that helps researchers better track — and potentially fight — pandemic flu.

"You're looking for key components of the genetic sequence that make a gene more dangerous," McKenzie said.

But the scientists said their research is far from done.

"We would like to know if we can predict which are the viruses in the wild birds that are a real threat to either pigs, poultry or humans," Webster said. "We don't know the answers, but as we look at the genome of the viruses that are in the wild birds and in humans and so on, the goal is that in the future, we can make predictions of which viruses are really dangerous."

That research cycle will start again next May, when both birds and bird-catchers return to the Jersey shore.

"Ultimately we dream about having a universal vaccine," Webster said. "In a perfect situation, we would have four or five anti-viral drugs and a universal vaccine. Then I could die happy."

[lucidlucas]

Journal.Entry.2019.1.13 (part 1)

This weekend was amazing. It started off pretty normal but I knew it was going to be a special weekend. Griffin House had a concert Friday Night and it was going to be our first show with a live drummer. I was so excited. I’ve wanted a drummer my whole life and I knew he was going to tear it up.

I managed to leave work early, so I went to the liquor store, the bank, and then headed home. We smoked and listened to the set while we waited for our ride. Kaeleigh and her family showed up to take us down to the Shredder. Doors open at 7 but we got there at 6:30. We thought they would at least let performers in early, but we were wrong. So we sat in the car and listened the Spiderverse soundtrack while we waited. Finally, the clock hit 7 and we were able to go inside.

We walked into an empty bar not knowing how the night was gonna go. I’ve performed for packed crowds and empty crowds at this particular venue so I was kind of nervous. But the vibes were good and I had good hopes. Plus I knew there was a lot of promotion. We helped our drummer set up, we got the dj the beats, and we started drinking.

We snuck in a bottle of crown, so we just bought a few diet cokes from the bar and we mixed our own drinks. (They were out of regular coke). I finished mine and before I knew it somebody had gotten me a Monaco. I pounded that and then the alcohol started to hit me, mainly because I hadn’t really eaten all day, so I switched to water. Then people started filling in.

Anxiety started getting to me and I was worried I was too drunk to perform. But the angel on my shoulder kept telling me to Buck up and handle it so I stayed confident. Everyone I invited showed up and I even had some surprise guests. This caused me to pinball around the venue all night like an adhd dog who saw a squirrel. Before I knew it, the show was packed.

We took a smoke break to get nice and stoned, and then they announced that we were performing soon so we got prepped. I spent the day listening to “Psycho Smile” and I felt so confident with all the people I knew who came to support us. But I also knew we were going to kill it and all my nerves went away once I hit the stage. I could see all my different friend groups at various parts of the crowd. We asked who had never heard of us before and a large percentage of people raised their hands. So we gave  a quick intro and got right into Dynamic Duos. Instantly the bar was set high. People started filming and they realized we were a performance to watch. There was a person in the front row of the crowd, stage right. He had a ghm shirt on and he was having a blast but I didn’t recognize him so I thought we made a big new fan.

Stand Up  was the next song we performed and the crowd really started to feel the positivity. The drums were killer and we were on point. I was smiling while rapping and I could see everybody having a good time. I Got People was next and we had some technical difficulties to play through. The song started and were rapping along when suddenly the dj booth connection breaks and the beat stops playing. Thankfully, Jon knew the rhythm and he kept drumming so we kept rapping. The audio got weird on our end but the crowd thought it was part of the show. And cutting the beat allowed for everyone to focus on the lyrics of that song and the vibe was officially happy. The dj fixed the issue after the song, and we told him to hold off on starting the next one.

We had to bring Kaeleigh and Kiki to the stage cause Campsite was on deck. With Kiki performing in the battles later that night, we wanted to promote him and show our respects. Then the song started. This was the fastest drumming of the night so it was hype as fuck, and nobody was prepared for Kaeleigh’s magnificent voice. Kiki killed his verse and then I put my mic in the stand and sat on the side of the stage as Kiki got off. Kaeleigh was doing her solo “Tonight” and I didn’t want to take away from it.

Her song is very unique because she sings 3 verses that play off the same catchy scheme, but the chorus is just a beat and a hard to hear sample. Because of this, Kaeleigh usually just hangs out during the chorus part of the song. However, this allowed for Jon to do simple drum highlights on her verse, and  then he just let loose on the hooks. It was so entertaining. There was a guy in the crowd taking to me about how awesome we were and I made sure he got a CD. The song ended and I grabbed the mic out of the stand. Kaeleigh asked me to get center stage and the music started.

I was told people cried to this song. Jon started off slow and let the beat build and slammed it on the hooks. Then for the last verse that Kaeleigh does, we had him clap his sticks while we get the crowd to clap and it was so cool to see all the hands moving. After the show I yelled “We are Griffin House Music” and I felt like a fucking rock star. We threw the rest of the march out and people were freaking out for it. Then I told the crowd that we had to get the drum moved out and then they could buy me drinks. So that’s what happened.

We got the drums moved out and Jasmine got me a drink. And everybody wanted to smoke. So everyone split up and planned to meet in the parking lot. On my way there I ran into a total stranger who offered me a hit of a joint. I graciously obliged and started to smoke. That’s when he realized who I was and he said, “You’re in Griffin House? You’re dad just gave this joint.” and we burst into laughter. We were smoking the joint and he told me we reminded him of Chris Webby. So naturally he about shit his pants when I said we have a song with him. I told him to follow us and he joined up with all the other smokers. 6 different smoke groups lit up their joint/blunt and passed them around. I was in the center of the stoner venn diagram so I got to participate in all the circles and I got so high. I finished my drink in the parking lot, so Jasmine took it from me and gave me hers. After we were all high as shit, we went back inside to drink and watch battles. It started getting turnt up and I was still trying to accommodate everyone who came out, while trying to keep my fade on.

People kept getting me drinks so I tried to pay some people back. I bought a random round for people I didn’t know. Then I got a drink for Jasmine and her friend. As soon as I did, Jasmine’s friend turned to Jasmine and they had to go to the car. I guess her friend puked everywhere and was super sick. Not to mention she was underage and I didn’t even know we were sneaking her drinks. So unfortunately, Joe had to leave to take them home. She called me to apologize for having to leave and we continued to text throughout the night while I kept partying.

After a few battles, and even more drinks, Eddie wanted to smoke again. I told my dad and my dad didn’t wanna join but he gave me a cone to contribute. We went to Eddie’s car and smoked the cone. Then he busted out the entire dab rig set up and we started getting lit. I was too faded for the construct of time to make sense. I kept saying, “Guy’s we gotta hurry. We’re missing everything.” and they reassured me that we were only gone for 15-20 minutes… It felt like years. But we really didn’t miss much. We went back inside and drank until the end of the battles, and before I knew it the club was empty. My dad really wanted to go to a strip club, and the fan who was wearing our shirt earlier was like, “I can take you guys.” I didn’t think about it at the time, then we were all walking from the club and we were about to reach his car when I said, “How do we know you?” and it was Jon’s brother the whole time. They just never had a chance to introduce him to me because I was a fucking pinball.

Jon’s brother Justin took us to the club and he got out and gave us a hug and said “goodbye.” My dad was like “Hell naah where you going?” and we ultimately talked him into staying. We went inside the strip club, and it really wasn’t my vibe. My dad was so excited, but all I could think about was Jasmine. We were actively texting and trying to plan a date for the next day, but I couldn’t have my phone in the club. So I used the bathroom twice to send texts and I hid my phone like a student a few times. The strippers weren’t even turning me on cause it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want anything to do with them really. I just wanted the girl I enjoyed talking with. But I know how long my dad has wanted to take me to a strip club and he was having fun so I made sure to have a good time too. I only spent like $9 and had some crown. One of the strippers licked my stomach. And the hottest stripper of them all was named Mary Jane, but she worked with my dad at an old job and so she avoided our group. Finally my dad was ready to go home, and Justin ended up being our cab for the night. We hit our traditional Jack In The Box, and we got home and crashed somewhere around 1-3am.

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: Nominees, October Edition

By Sameer Suri

Hello, hello, my darlings! The next Nominees - hostessed by the divine Leah Lamarr - is fast approaching. It’s so close now that I’m already eating nothing but cocktail olives, in the vain hope of being able to suck my stomach in far enough to wrench myself into my outfit without burping out my kidneys.

Dolls, looking good is hard. Anyhow, it is for me. It’s apparently not so hard for the gorgeous troupe of performers who’ll be facing off against one another Saturday night.

The million-dollar questions linger in the air: Who’ll be the lucky winner? Will there be tears? Will the contestants pair off and go home together at close of evening? Will O.J. start dating Caitlyn Jenner and bring my dream reality show to the screen? (He does like a blonde.)

But I get ahead of myself. Making the big decisions on Saturday will be, as always, a trio of celebrity judges. Not as always, two of them are married to one another - Groundling confreres Annie and Tony Cavalero.

There’s been quite a lot of sexual tension on the judging panel before: regular audience members may recall my clambering beneath the tablecloth in front of Erik Griffin a couple months back. (Lucky me, his diet evidently is garlic-rich.) With a married couple up there, though, I doubt there’s much danger of sexual sparks at the judge’s table on Saturday.

That is, unless their screechingly funny co-panelist, Irish comedian Aisling Bea, decides to insinuate herself into the relationship. Better her than me.

As to the aforementioned gorgeous troupe of performers, may I present...

H Michael Croner

Adorable, this man. He’s hilarious and alarmingly true to life on a string of Comedy Central Sketches called Bro-Dependent, which sits amid a swank list of credits like Review and What Would Diplo Do? But Bro-Dependent is the big tell (the only one I’ve seen): Nominees rewards a ham, and this guy’s up to it. Saturday night, look forward to him in that game where you turn, I don’t know, a Foot Locker ad into hentai porn. (Am I betraying ignorance of porn? I’ve always just used Jackie Collins books.)

Ben Gleib

This is a man whose stand-up I’ve seen a bit of, and it’s fabulous, but whose acting I’ve seen virtually none of, so here’s a sampling of what he’s done: in the movies, Bad People and Jay & Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie, plus Ice Age: Continental Drift. Plus which, a webseries called Cinedopes - all right, this I saw, and he’s solid in it. In the episode I’ve watched, he’s the Oliver of that Green Acres - the straight man who still gets laughs. If he gets assigned to read lines during the cold-read game, he’ll sparkle, which is rare for someone in so unenviable a position.

Kelly Landry

Kelly’s got an addictively entertaining YouTube show called Top 6. On each episode, she talks you through a list of entries in some splashy category or other: dangerous fad diets, crazy addictions, medieval torture devices - everything I adore. She’s a dynamic and engaging stage presence, certain to have a ball onstage Saturday, or you can bundle me into an Iron Maiden with a Witch’s Candle shoved in my mouth (which, incidentally, doesn’t sound dissimilar to being in the “dark room” at the back of a Continental gay club. Lots of jabbing at you.)

Ayden Mayeri

Ayden is in a movie that is about a disabled man and is called Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot - but that according to IMDb is a ‘Drama.’ One assumes she kept a straight face throughout this thing, so she’ll be more than equal to whatever acting challenges Nominees flings her way. She’s also got guest star credits on shows like New Girl and Workaholics, plus an appearance in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates under her belt, so she is, as Liza would probably call her, “abso-lulu” a “hoofer.”

Stevie Nelson

Having a podcast is legally admissible as a substitute for an LA-based birth certificate, so we can assume Stevie here is a hometown girl. Throw talent in with her local knowhow, and you get a formidable list of guest roles on such shows as Mad Men, New Girl and Key and Peele. She also somehow manages to star on Crashletes without constantly going faint from how attractive her co-presenter Rob Gronkowski is, which is a feat of emotional control I can’t imagine, so I predict great success for her in the Oscar scene.

Josh Ruben

No slouch, he, with five Webbys on the shelf and a directing gig on a Netflix show Matt Damon’s helped produce. He’s also written, directed and starred in a bleakly comic short film called Freddy Derryl, which shows his acting skill to great advantage. He’s got the camp understatement of Cher in Moonstruck - a tool that’ll likely stand him in good stead when it comes time to wring laughs from some hopelessly depressing scene about a death or a breakup or a spilt Tanqueray martini (the three great tragedies).

Who of this melange will seize victory Saturday night? Join us at the NerdMelt Showroom that evening at 9:00pm and find out!

[dafuture0-blog]

DA Future

How You Can Become Hip Rap Artists

Need some tracks to play at a celebration, or simply exit dancing to? Here is my checklist of the very best hip hop dance music out there right now...

Gold Digger by Kanye West

Flip It Up by Chamillionaire

Bubber Band Man by T.I.

Hynotize by Younger Jeezy

30 One thing by Jay-Z

Ms. Jackson DA Future Social Network by Outkast

Get Low by Ying Yang twins

Lean Back by Fats Joe

Yeah by Usher

Get it on the floor by DMX

Pump it by Black Eyed Peas

Blunt Ashes by Nas

Jesus Walks by Kanye West

Go Getta by Younger Jeezy

Over Here Hustlin' by Lil' Wayne

Salt Shaker by Ying Yang Twins

So what makes these songs stand out as the best hip hop dance music? The video? One thing that bumps at a membership? Admittedly, the record is biased upon my personal preferences: I like the extra heady lyrical stuff with a robust driving beat behind it, which leans in the direction of Outkast, Nas, Eminem and early Kanye West tracks extra so than tracks by Ying Yang Twins or Younger Jeezy. However, I've included a few of their songs as well to spherical out the checklist.

I additionally tried to go away out most underground rap/hip hop songs to maintain it as accessible as possible. Most, if not all of these songs could possibly be performed in golf equipment or show up on MTV as a rap video. Positive, I may play Useless Prez or Ras Kass, however most individuals at a party- at the very least those I'm going to- wouldn't have a clue who they're. It is unusual, irrespective of how hot a a DA Future music is, you may normally get a greater reaction if folks know the music and may sing along with it. Guess that's why there's so many cover bands in bars... Lastly, I included several songs from the previous few years, reasonably than just itemizing off a "what's sizzling now" playlist of current music. Anyone who thinks GoldDigger won't get a good response at a celebration is lacking the point (until it's a wedding.

Hip hop dance songs are the preferred type of dance music in clubs proper now. Nonetheless, what precisely makes a very DA Future good dance tune? Is it a catchy hook? Dope lyrics? Here's the deciding components for making successful dance track...

First, the music itself needs to be unique, even if it is based on samples from other bands (many rap artists have successfully sampled George Clinton, Led Zeppelin and Queen just to call just a few). The key to sounding distinctive is to add your personal private stamp on the track. Take Run DMC's cowl of Aerosmith's "Stroll This Means." Whereas the lyrics and guitar riff didn't change, Run DMC's private fashion got here through on the monitor.

For hip hop dance songs, tempo is also a deciding factor. Hip hop tracks are inclined to run between 90- 115 BPM, with dance hits tending in the direction of the higher finish of the spectrum. Along with velocity, a quality dance music must be properly combined. All this means is that the listener ought to be capable of hear every instrument individually, without any one piece standing out an excessive amount of. Consider a highschool band: you already know the kid who at all times played too loud and drowned out the string section? A effectively blended music can keep away from this.

Once the music is properly mixed, it's time to master the observe. This, along with mixing, is what separates a tune your buddy put collectively, navigate to these guys and a hot club mix. Mastering basically smooths the music out and provides it that polished finish (suppose Dr. Dre beats).

I've included a listing of scorching hip hop dance songs that work in a membership or at a party. Before I share it with you, a few points: First, I left out most underground rap with a view to hold this checklist familiar to a bigger audience. These are songs most definitely to hear in a membership. I've additionally listed a number of songs from a couple of years in the past, as a consequence of the fact that they haven't been (too) played out.

If you wish to study extra about good hip hop dance music, take a look at Pandora, a free radio service that plays music according to your chosen style. you possibly can at all times delete the songs you don't like, and save the music you think would work effectively at your social gathering.

So here's my checklist:

? Kiss Me Thru The Phone by Soulja Boy

? Right Spherical by Flo Rida

? Final Night by Puff Daddy

? Love Intercourse Magic by Ciara

? California Love by Tupac

? In Da Membership go now by 50 Cent

? Low by Flo hip hop dance moves list Rida

? Independent by Webbie

? Shawty get Free by Lil Mama

? Lose Control by Missy Elliot

? Crank That by Soulja boy

? Get Silly by Soulja boy

So there you will have it. What's your favourite hip hop dance songs?

Hip Hop Dance has a dynamic history. From Breakdancing to the moonwalk from michael Jackson to Krump dancing to Bboy dancing to plain outdated head nodding. Everybody had their very own means of expressing love

for hip hop dancing.

Hip Hop Dance Historical past has individuals buzzing. Why you ask ? As a result of they're watching all these crazy Hip Hop dancing music movies on tv they usually need to know the historical past of it. The place did these things come from.

The historical past of hip hop dance began with Breakdancing. It began across the late Seventies to early 80s. Breaking began within the south bronx ny. It was a type of Hip Hop dance that was utilized by road gangs to settle variations with out using violence. This was a optimistic for black and peurtorican youths at the time. Folks were not losing there lives over bs ya know. One of many first Hip Hop Dance crews in Historical past are the rocksteady crew.

They help usher in a new type of breakdancing that included acrobatic styles corresponding to headspinning, windmills, DA Future underground hip hop artists backspins, waves and all that great things. The Rock Regular Crew dropped on the scene around 1979 to 1980.

They have been encouraged by a legendary DJ by the name of Afrika Bambatta to use break dancing as a instrument to attain greatness. Afrikaa Bambatta was instrumental in pushing break dancing ahead by motivating youth to pursue their love of the artwork form.

Hip Hop Dance as we know it at present, for instance the dancing we see in music movies is a fusion of a wide range of standard and unconventional dance kinds and techniques. This consists of Jazz dance, indigenous folklore dance and even martial art.

Attributable to its sturdy nature, City Dance could possibly be maybe a more acceptable title for what we commonly classify as Hip Hop Dance. Regardless of the array of types and techniques added to its present repertoire, the roots of Hip Hop Dance might be attributed to avenue dancers in America. For many of those dancers, the artwork types they created are probably the most accurate classification of Hip Hop Dance.

Breaking & Funk Sytles

During the Nineteen Seventies, DJs in America would set a wholly new trend, mixing what known as drum breaks which are drum solos in funk and soul music again to back between two flip tables. The result would produce an entirely new sound containing a repetitive drum break monitor. In essence, the dancing that emerged from this new form of music was known as Breaking or B-boying (not break dancing). These forms of breaking would come with but aren't exclsive to:

? Footwork - A series of steps executed with the toes both standing and on the ground previous to creating energy moves.

? Power Strikes - A collection of thoughts boggling actions often carried out on the floor that would include moves reminiscent of backspins, headspins, windmills and extra. Often, when individuals hear about Breaking or b-boying or the wrong term, "break dancing" they consider these strikes.

? Up Rock/Prime Rock - A series of movements following a specific rhythmic and systematic pattern.

Although breaking was predominant among avenue dancers within the east coast, the west coast would more information on wikipedia nonetheless take pleasure in their own artform utilizing Funk and Soul music known as Funk Kinds.

The birth of Funk Styles on the west coast, occurred within the identical period as breaking and umbrellas an array of genres. The suite of types would come with:

? Popping - Robotic and/or jerky movements. Strobbing and Ticking are additionally underground korean hip hop artists similar sorts of movements throughout the Popping family.

? Waving - Fluid and smooth movements.

? Gliding/Floating - Gravity defying moves that create the illusion as if an individual is moving seemlessly and effortlessly across the floor.

? Locking - A series of animated actions that entails sharp and distinctive stances.

? Tutting - A series of movements emulating dafuture Egyptian Hieroglyphics.

You most likely go through YouTube to seek out hip hop dance tutorials - like many others, together with me as nicely. Do not get me fallacious, it's undoubtedly a great way to learn what your body can do in hip hop dances. Nevertheless, it will waste too much of your time trying to imitate those moves.

Moreover, you'll be lacking your personal model. Good hip hop dancers have their very own unique signature strikes. By the time you finish studying this, it is best to be able to really differentiate hip hop dance from different types of dancing.

It's worthwhile to know the fundamentals of hip hop dance. And after figuring out it, you'll be able to give you your own fashion of dancing. Knowing the basics of hip hop dancing also boosts your potential to learn moves from the experts. That is undoubtedly among the finest shortcuts to be taught hip hop dancing.

Probably the most fundamental idea of hip hop dancing is doing actually easy strikes that define Hip Hop.

Firstly, it is advisable to know that hip hop dances separates / isolates the actions of the higher and lower physique. That simply signifies that each of those predominant parts of your body best hip hop songs 2017 must have its own life, it's own rhythm. When you get this into your head, you'll eventually have it constructed into your body rhythm and have the ability to build on this dance habit.

With that in mind, bear in mind to not just focus in your footwork like what most beginners would do. You might have skillful footwork and in male hip hop artists list a position to dance at incredible speeds. However, you'll lack the showmanship issue and that doesn't take your dancing to the next level.

Categorical your self in your dance. Put your character into it. Don't be a robot (no pun supposed!).

My second recommendation is - take up house. Hip hop dancing is a avenue dance. I do know many people who are in some way afraid of taking on large quantities of space when dancing. Really put your www.youtube.com/channel/UC76BA22_6J2c52ao3M7xi6g dance strikes out there and let it shine. I am unable to stress enough that this is likely one of the very essence of hip hop dancing. Get folks to notice you, and notice your awesome actions.

There are literally 5 fundamentals to hip hop dancing and for the sake not cramming too much into your head, let me record one other one.

Know your music.

Only dance to hip hop beats that you simply love. Some hip hop songs annoy the hell out of me - or just merely not my fashion, so i just avoid them. Do not dance to a tune just because your mates like it or simply because it is famous! Love your music. You show your love for the music by means of your dance moves!

Hip hop dance music is already thirty years old. That will sound hard to believe, nevertheless it's true. The first actually large hip hop song, at the least in line with most music writers, was "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugarhill Gang. When that track debuted in September of 1979, it quickly rose to the top of the charts, and a big a part of why it did so was as a result of it gave the impression of nothing else on the radio. Again then, America was nonetheless caught up in the throes of disco, which wouldn't start disappearing off the radio for another year.

However after Rapper's Delight, hip hop dance music was nonetheless fairly rare on the radio. It was widespread for its novelty, and for its infectious tune and humorous lyrics. However it did not actually start any trends in and of itself, even though it was considered fairly groundbreaking on the time.

It would not be till the early Eighties that this style of music started to get any severe play on mainstream radio station. There were just a few stations in big cities equivalent to New York and Chicago that made it a part of their playlists, however they were stations with tiny audiences.

However lastly, in the middle years of the 1980s, hip hop dance music started to realize traction. Part of the explanation was that mainstream rock was dropping its momentum, and youngsters have been looking for the next huge factor in music. America's altering demographics performed a big half within the increased popularity of rap, too.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 5.12.2007 & 5.13.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and this week ten years ago

5.12.2007

6) "I'll Stand by You," Carrie Underwood

I completely understand why so many people bought this. I don't think my life was improved by having heard this? But, y'know, it wasn't as melodramatic as I was expecting, maybe I picked the wrong video but it's just a nice well-sung acoustic cover of a song which I'm sure was construed as inspirational for the Idol Gives Back thing (and remembering that this was Idol Gives Back this week, yup, mm-hmm, definitely watched the wrong video), I'm glad there wasn't a thousand things happening, but like 2007 is supposed to provide a nostalgic rush, either consider a song we all knew and loved/hated back in the day or uncover a classic, and listening to this is just... Unnecessary?

8) "Never Again," Kelly Clarkson

The first line of this song is, "I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green," which is a hell of a thing to say. One can assess all the reasons why this is the only Kelly Clarkson single to chart in 2007 -- hey remember ten years ago when a record label could win a PR battle with a female artist seeking creative autonomy? Good times! -- but honestly, there's nothing wrong with this song on its own, this is a pretty superb, dark-as-hell break-up song, but it's also the sixth or seventh consecutive Kelly Clarkson breakup song? Like, her discography to this point is "A Moment Like This" and then a shitload of break-up songs, some anthemic, some mournful, and while I get why they would be sick of Kelly Clarkson break-up songs -- worth noting her next big hit was “My Life Would Suck Without You” -- if the 2007 public wasn't willing to hear the dark version of the kind of song Kelly Clarkson does extremely well, that's on them. This song is rad, and while I'm probably not gonna go back and listen to My December, I'm figuring that album is prolly a jam.

28) "Icky Thump," The White Stripes

...Do I have to like this song? I get that I agree with it, and I get that The White Stripes area thing people who like music tend to like, and this is the most I ever enjoyed The White Stripes' whole, y'know, thing (this and “My Doorbell”), but I don’t want to like this song. It’s just, I dunno, Jack White’s this whole person, and I don’t like engaging with that person?

56) "Up to the Mountain," Kelly Clarkson ft./Jeff Beck

yes just like the carrie underwood thing this was a very good american idol performance and like i wanna be snarkier but last week 2007 handed me seven country dude songs and, just, i would take a thousand american idol performances before another week with that many country dudes. given the alternative, this is the greatest thing i could have ever possibly heard.

65) "Signal Fire," Snow Patrol

So like, I graduated high school in 2007, right? That's kind of the connection to these songs, like, these songs would have been the soundtrack to my high school experience if I had friends who listened to pop and/or rap radio. (Hence all the buttrock appreciation in these posts. Like, real talk, Shinedown is a terrible band to which I have such a profound nostalgic connection that I routinely have to rewatch their videos just to be 100% sure that particular Southern rock band doesn't have any Confederate flags in them.) So there's a 10-year reunion coming up which I'm probably not going to go to, but like imagine a 10-year high school reunion. You see your friends. You love your friends! You are all very successful and beautiful! You see the people you hated. You greatly enjoy how fat they got and cheated on they were! You go to the punch bowl for some delicious, fruity punch, and you see the person that sat behind you in chemistry. They seem OK. You mention the crazy weather you've been having recently, and they agree, the weather is crazy. This song is that social interaction. It's a nice Braffcore song that I wasn't thinking about then and am not presently thinking about now.

78) "You Raise Me Up," Josh Groban & The African Children's Choir

...Yeah, so like, no? Thank you! But, no, I'mma sit this one out. I understand that we want different things out of life. I will not get in the way of this song's goals, and I will not invite it to impede mine. But thank you so much for bringing this to me!

84) "If I Was Your Man," Joe

I refuse to actively engage with this song on the grounds that even coming up with this angle for a capsule review required more thought and effort than was put into the writing and recording of this song. This is a middle slider in song form. They couldn't even be bothered to give this artist a name. "Joe." Joe doesn't even stand for anything, he's just a fucking guy named Joe who wants to date someone and enjoy all the attendant benefits. Sometimes, you hear a song, and you're taken to an amazing world or shown a new aspect of life or filled with the inspiration needed to tackle the day's problems, and this song is like, "Meet Joe! Joe's a dude who has a crush on someone," and Joe doesn't say anything or even wave his hand to acknowledge you. He just sits there, moving nothing.

93) "I Don't Need a Man," The Pussycat Dolls

"I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing." In addition to the world, the 2016 presidential election also ruined my ability to enjoy a 10-year-old Pussycat Dolls song. Also, Kara DioGuardi. It makes sense that Kara DioGuardi and Donald Trump would describe the female anatomy in equally clumsy ways. Maybe there was no way for Kara DioGuardi to know that, ten years after this song was published, the term "grab" could reference something other than the ass when used in reference to a woman's body, but she's bad and this song is trash so I'm definitely going to hold it against her.

99) "Sexy Lady," Yung Berg ft./Junior

...I am going to applaud this song for having the audacity of using a "Diamonds Are Forever" sample. Like, Kanye doesn't own the rights to the song, and it's a completely different beat, but it's still kinda weird to turn on a song and say, "Oh, hey, someone used that song as a sample in a song I like a lot more!" And like how are you going to use the "Diamonds Are Forever" sample on a song that isn't about diamonds at all? The song doesn't mention jewely of any kind. Like, I don't know, maybe Yung Berg has always been famously anti-consumerism and I just never bothered learning that about him, but if you're a pop/rap artist in 2007, and you're going to take a sample from an iconic song about material goods, hey, I'm not a songwriter, but maybe write verses about material goods? This is as weird as a song can be without having an ounce of originality.

100) "Wipe Me Down," Lil Boosie ft./Foxx & Webbie

One weird thing about 2007 songs is, so like, when I listen to a song with, say, Lil Yachty on the track, I hear every single disgusting thing Lil Yachty has to say about the things he wants to do to a woman, and which parts of the woman he would prefer to do them to. And then you listen to a 2007 track, and there'll be half a verse missing because the record label was scared that their video would be deleted from the internet if they said the n-word. Apart from the unnecessary censorship, I dunno, this was kind of the standard Southern-pop/rap song. Repetitive to the point you just give in and enjoy it, not really about anything in particular, just annoying enough to be memorable but not annoying enough to be appreciated ironically. There were always gonna be dry spells. 2007 is very much in one, Kelly Clarkson notwithstanding.

The Top 20! With infinitely more Kelly Clarkson than ever before! 20) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 19) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 18) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 17) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 16) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Alright. 2007 had a bad week. 2017 didn’t fuck up Kendrick week. Is it gonna fuck up Paramore week?

5.13.2017

44) "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back," by Shawn Mendes

So before I even listen to a single note, the inconsistency of the title's abbreviations has me peeved. Why would you abbreviate one word but not the other? Is one g much more special than the other? Does Shawn Mendes pronounce the g in nothing, but not the g in holding? Because I've heard Shawn Mendes sing, I'd be surprised if he hits the "th" and the "ld" in those words. /// You know what? I'll give it a "not as bad as the title." I don't come away from this song having made any new conclusions about the world or Shawn Mendes as a person, so I can't really argue that this was worth the three minutes of my life it took, but it's not Joe-level nothing, so hey! It has that going for it!

64) "Lust for Life," by Lana del Rey ft./The Weeknd

I'm not here to make a judgement call about the modern adolescent experience in relation to the one I went through. I think this song is fine, it's actually kind of great in a way I'm not gonna bother to place, but I think that it's worth noting that the modern teen's "Hot in Herre" is this. There's a lot of value in a sad song with the "take off all your clothes" refrain, again I dug this, but I didn't dig it enough to try to figure out why that might be, because I'm just thinking about what a jam "Hot in Herre" is and how I think I've heard like maybe two great party jams over the course of this project. We had "Run Up," you guys. The teens don't want to party. And, I mean, why should they, it's rough out there, maybe they deserve to just shrug when they see their boyfriend approach and say, "Huh, he got a little cooler. Le sigh."

68) "Attention," by Charlie Puth

Not gonna lie: when I saw that Shawn Mendes and this dude were on the ledger for this week, I thought the milquetoast white boy army was gonna ruin this W for Paramore. I thought the weight these two idiots would add to 2017 would give the W to a week in 2007 with a Kara DioGuardi joint. But just like the Shawn Mendes song, this was acceptable! In fact: I would give this a B-! It's not as drastic a zag as when Ed Sheeran dropped "Sing," but this is reasonably funkier, a degree of funk which I never would have thought Charlie Puth capable of achieving. I think this song might be his ceiling, I can't imagine having as good a time with Charlie Puth as I did with him here (especially now that the element of surprise won't be in play), but, y'know, solid three and a half minutes. Not the worst!

87) "do re mi," by blackbear

Ah, so THIS is where we were keeping the unexceptional white boy! I knew he had to be hiding somewhere! This is the song you write you have completely purged your life of everyone who told you that you weren't clever. This is the song you write after having no one around to tell you that the fact of a curse word isn't edgy on its own. "Do re mi fa so fuckin' done wit' ya" is a garbage line because the shock is being solely derived from the use of the f-word, and that can only get ya so many times; by the time he repeats it for the sixth time, you'll think it's do re mi fa so lame he couldn't think of anything cooler to do with the conceit than recite the scale then swear. You're a songWRITER, dude! You tellin' me you could only think of one pun based on the scale? OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN AIN'T GOT THE MONOPOLY ON SCALE-BASED PUNS, YA KNOW. SO MANY OTHER WORDS BEGIN WITH FA. TRY HARDER.

90) "Hard Times," by Paramore

gosh this song fucking rules. y'all mind if i'm just a boy writing a diary for a second? because this is a song about me. i'm someone with a defeatist attitude, i'm the exact sort of person who meets hard times by giving up, and that's what this song is, it's a song about giving in and feeling defeated. they're not looking back on low points in their life and saying, "gosh, can you believe we made it?" they're sinking deeper and deeper still into a depression and saying "how the fuck do we survive," and that's such a beautiful sentiment, especially in the trump era, where i'm sure a lot of us are still shellshocked and feel the task is too tall. but they're putting this happy, energetic face on it, this song is this bouncy uptempo jam about being incredibly depressed, because it's easier to pretend you don't need help than it is to ask. i love this song. i don't care if it falls off the chart next week, it's the new #1.

93) "My Girl," by Dylan Scott

...I think I'm just feeling generous today. I'm willing to give this a "didn't mind it." Am I amazed that they just keep finding new dudes to make this exact country song? Yeah. But, it's like the Shawn Mendes song, there just isn't enough in here for me to react negatively to. The Eminem reference is probably the most exotic shoutout in country music going, and especially refreshing because I'm still angry at "Johnny Cash" from last week, and the dude has the bass country voice going, he has that earth-shaking twang instead of that nasal fuckboy twang a lot of these dudes got going on. It wasn't as engaging as that "Hurricane" thing from a couple months ago, so I'm still gonna call it bro country, but this is probably the least I'll ever mind bro country. Congratulations, Dylan Scott! Of all the bro country chucklefucks, you have emerged as the least chucklefucky!

Top 20! Only one new entry! It’s an important one. 20) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 19) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 18) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 17) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 16) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 15) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 14) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 13) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 12) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 10) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 9) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 8) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) May you last longer than “Run Up,” “Hard Times.” 

Who won?

2017. Neither had a great week, apart from one exceptional song from both sides. “Hard Times” is simply better than “Never Again,” is what it comes down to. And now: 2017 has the lead for the year! 2017: 4 2007: 3 Looking into the future, 2007 has four songs. 2017 will be entering “Young and Menace” probably. ...I already don’t like next week.