#that i realized ive had since i was 13

[whatimdoing-here]

So the totally fun thing about having a long torso, is that I have zero idea if this top will stay down if I were to pull a shirt off over my head. Button up it is. Featuring the tan line where I burnt my stomach at the pool a couple weeks ago. Wear sunscreen, kids.

If you need a rec,I would say tomboyx swim shorts are great. I think I got them on clearance but I'd probably pay full price for em

[cat-madhouse]

Saw a post going around that said "use this picrew to make you now + you as a kid" and I thought it was fun :)

[strawberries-and-racing]

i wanna be yours - mv1

pairing: max verstappen x fem!reader

requests that came together and inspired this series:

• nsfw prompts 9-13 (in pt. 2)

• 'listen up. Obsessive possessive crazy max for sweet innocent reader smut.'

• 'ok so we need dark FICS of any driver of your choice but make him very obsessive and possessive and don't forget the smut. Keep it up girlllll!!!'

summary: a lot of tension building between possessive max and sweet y/n.

warnings: alcohol consumption, fluff, slightly crazy max, some cliches (im sorry!) also the title is based off the arctic monkeys song because i felt like the vibes matched also i love arctic monkeys💕

a/n: screaming once again!!! this is the first fluff ive posted and it's part 1/2. the next part has the smut as promised but i wanted to take my time and build this up please enjoy🙏

the flight to the UK was long, but well worth it. two months ago you'd been offered an unbelievable opportunity.

an opportunity you'd been dreaming of for years, one you'd spent what felt like an eternity working towards— an engineering internship. not just any internship, one with the red bull formula one team.

you'd be able to travel with the team, shadow the engineers, help with various tasks around the paddock, and design parts at hq. an absolute dream.

after scouring a thousand real estate websites, you'd finally found the perfect place for to live.

a little 1 bed 1 bath apartment, tucked into a beautiful, quaint little neighbourhood. just 30 mins to the red bull hq.

you'd dedicated many late nights and ikea shopping trips to making the apartment your own. your comfortable escape from the grueling hours of studying and pressures of the internship.

you led a busy life, but it never bothered you. you adored what you did and formula one had been your passion since you were a little girl.

and now everything was falling into place. in fact, tommorrow you'd leave to attend your first race with the team. austria. red bulls home race.

you were ecstatic to say the least.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

you hurriedly made your way through the paddock and into the red bull garage. your eyes glued to the schedule on top of the pile of papers in your arms.

you were on your way to assist one of the senior engineers in preparation before the race began.

you were nervous, and it was no help that you weren't exactly sure where you were supposed to be meeting him.

suddenly, you stumble over your own feet and bump into someone.

you feel hands on your shoulders, their grasp firm, steadying you.

you look up and are taken aback by the pair of strikingly blue eyes staring back at you. his eyes were the kind of crystal blue that would capture anyones attention. but despite their bright colour, they had a sort of inexplicable depth, darkness to them.

there was something in his expression that you couldn't quite read. something stirring beneath the surface of his icy gaze. it was as though he wasn't just looking at you, but into you.

you abruptly become aware of his hands, still on your shoulders. you're so oddly aware of them, as if it's your first time being touched by anyone.

he holds you firmly, as if trying to hold you together. the moment seemed to last forever. the two of you frozen in time.

a stranger's eye contact and touch shouldn't be affecting you in this way.

"you okay?"

it's only once he speaks that you realize who the man standing in front of you is.

your eyes widen, cheeks flushing. you straighten up quickly, mouth slightly agape.

"oh'" you start, at a loss for words "yeah, im sorry." you manage a small smile.

you straighten up an take a step backwards, pulling away from his grasp. you miss the warmth of his hands more than you'd ever like to admit.

"it's okay, no worries," his eyes linger on you a moment longer before you both go your separate ways.

as you walk away, you cant help but glance back at him.

max verstappen.

you'd certainly heard him speak before on tv, but something about his accent in person was enchanting. his energy seemed to linger on you like perfume.

everything about him caught your attention, long before you'd bumped into him in person.

you'd seen his dominance on track, it was impossible not to notice. he could control the car like no other driver, handling each corner perfectly. he pushed the car to the limit every race and it payed off.

it wasn't just his driving you noticed. his persona. it was everything. and you couldn't ignore the fact that it was sexy.

his short temper, his tendency to snap easily.

it was unreasonably and indescribably attractive.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

the next time you see him he's across the room. you're studying the notes that the senior engineer gave you, papers and writing utensils spread across the table in front of you.

he was discussing something with his race engineer, he certainly wasn't doing anything that was particularly interesting or peculiar, he wasn't even looking in your direction. but for fucks sake you were distracted. you were somehow absorbed by his prescence.

ever since bumping into him you couldn't seem to get him out of your head. last night you'd replayed the memory over and over in your mind, finding it more difficult than usual to fall asleep.

all day, you'd silently prayed you would bump into eachother again. your relentless efforts to push your thoughts and feelings to the back of your mind were useless.

the mere idea of him was addictive, so alluring. he was drug-like to you and impossible to ignore.

although it was unknown to you at the time, max had found himself similarly hooked on you. or rather, the thought of you. even though he found enough strength to avoid looking at you, he was well aware of you. sitting at the table in the furthest corner. he was even more aware of the fact that your eyes kept flickering in his direction.

your energy was unlike anything he had ever known. you walked around with an aura of pure innocence. yet you seemed untouchable.

your smile shone. your laugh was contagious. you radiated sunshine. max had come to know these things about you.

you were magnetic in such a way that made him curious.

it stirred something inexplicable inside him. like you were another thing for him to win, to claim. another thing for him to dominant. to corrupt.

your innocence was tangible. and max wanted to be the one to wreck you. it was all he thought about.

ruining you.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

the light in your apartment was soft. that's how you preferred it.

you relished your alone time. your small apartment was tailored exactly to you. it was always where you felt perfectly safe and at ease.

light from the sunset was just beginning to spill through your windows. you're stirring a big pot of soup on the stove with lazy motions.

a buzz from your phone catches your attention, the screen lights up and you see a new message. it's from andrew, one of the young engineers at red bull who you'd grown close with over the past few months.

your eyes widen upon reading the message.

a dinner with drivers? you couldn't deny that it sounded exciting.

but then again, you were already in your pajamas and the soup was beginning to steam.

you suck in a breath.

fuck.

the three letters of his name were more than enough to change your answer.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

you spent half your time getting ready frantically choosing an outfit.

finally, you'd settled on your favorite black dress. your hair fell over your shoulders in soft curls left over from the day before.

now, you were standing outside the restaurant. you take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves.

you walk in and the hostess greets you with a friendly smile. you're led to a booth connected to a big table that's only half full.

andrew waves you over and you take a seat next to him in the booth. lando sits across from you.

youd never spoken with lando outside of strictly professional context and you were pleasantly surprised by his charming humor. you're engrossed in the conversation with the two boys as the rest of the group fills the table. you look up to greet the others.

your breath hitches when you see him. his eyes stare into yours with the same intensity as they had two days ago. you don't break the eye contact until he sits down and a dark haired boy you've never seen before calls his name.

despite the abrupt rush of blood to your head, you manage to hold up the conversation with lando.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

max couldn't keep his eyes off you for long, and the longer he watched the tighter his grip got on his glass, until his knuckles turned white. he was so focused on you laughing and smiling with lando that he didn't pick up on the way you fidgeted with your ring. a nervous tell.

max clenched his jaw as you leaned in close to something lando said. far closer than what many would deem an action between two casual friends. your giggles and blushing and landos knowing smirk and your hand jokingly smacking his arm made max see red.

"you alright, mate?"

"im fine."

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

as the night goes on and the chatter and laughter get louder, people begin shuffling around, moving to talk with new people.

lando is called over to a different group of friends and andrew leaves with him, leaving you alone in the booth.

"having fun?"

you recognize his voice immediately, sense his burning presence as he slides into the booth, sitting next to you.

"yeah." you manage a smile. "the food was really good."

"that's good." he says, briefly glancing away. your eyes involuntarily trace over the tendons of his neck.

he was wearing a dark button down, the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. simple, but ridiculously sexy.

he turns his eyes back onto you. "i didn't know you were gonna be here."

"oh i—" you hesitate for a second, his eyes making your heart skip a beat.

"andrew invited me." you explained, turning slightly so you could face him.

"mm, so are you..." he gestures between you and andrew a few seats down, you know what hes asking.

"oh no, we're just friends." you toy with the edge of your napkin.

it was a bold topic to bring up during a first conversation to say the least, but it didn't feel weird. there wasn't the usual tension, usual coldness that typically came with talking to someone for the first time. it was comfortable, you were able to relax a little.

"hm." is all max answers with. he spreads his legs slightly and pushes his hips forwards, getting comfortable. his leg brushing against yours.

the casual action had your heart thrumming in your ears, beating so loudly you're worried he can hear it.

you swallow, having to glance away. you feel your cheeks turning red.

why max verstappen had such an intense effect on you was still a mystery.

"so um—" you start, trying to make some small talk that would distract you from his arm that now rested on the ledge behind you. you take a breath, composing yourself before speaking. "how often do you guys do this kind of thing?"

he shifted again, his leg touching yours, but he doesn't pull it away this time. the knot of nerves in your stomach tightened. you felt your face turn even redder. the physical contact made your body ache for more.

max smirked, his ego swelling as he saw the effect he had on you.

"once in a while, usually after a race." 

you nod, biting your lip.

"congratulations by the way." you say, it wasn't surprising he'd taken first yet again, but you said it anyways. you prayed he wasn't able to pick up on the way your words came out slightly shaky.

you wanted to do nothing more than relax into him, but with the way he was looking at you that proved to be impossible.

you took a sip of your wine, desperate to cool down as an unexpected surge of heat washed over you which lingered between your legs.

max was different than anyone you'd ever talked too before. he reminded you of nobody. his sense of humor was unique and hilarious.

as the conversation continued you grew immensely fond of the dutchman sitting beside you. although you were absorbed in the stories from his childhood he told you, you remained acutely aware of how close the two of you were now sitting.

max's night couldn't have been unfolding more perfectly. your body language made your thoughts and feelings painfully obvious.

he picked up on the way you blushed immensely at any slight touch from him. the way your pupils dilated as you stared at him. the goosebumps that spread across your chest when he complimented your dress.

but the loudness of the restaurant was a little too much for him. there were too many people here. he craved something more intimate, more private.

"do you wanna get out of here?"

you're caught off guard by his words.

the question was so cliche, yet coming from his mouth it made your heart throb.

"there's a beautiful view not too far from here," he continued, "we could walk?"

his voice was like velvet and he leaned in close, speaking in a low tone as if he didnt want anyone to hear except you.

by now, you're practically having heart palpitations. the pit in your stomach gapes wider.

it was already hard enough for you to keep your sanity intact with him while surrounded by other people. you honestly aren't sure if you could handle being out alone with him.

you nod slowly your head spinning, breathe quickening.

"oh, yeah i'd love that." your voice was unsteadt, yet enthusiastic.

without another word he starts getting up, but before he slips out of the booth he gently touches your leg with his hand, as if reassuring you.

his fingers may as well have been made of hot metal, his touch affected your entire body, his fingerprints burned into your skin.

you felt like a little kid with a crush as you gingerly got up and followed max out of the restaurant, butterflies in your stomach and in your mind.

you don't notice all the eyes on you two as you leave the restaurant, too caught up in the giddiness you were feeling. your own eyes too focused on max in front of you, more specifically on his back which looked so good in that damn shirt.

max, on the other hand, was well aware of all the eyes on him. he fought to keep his cocky grin at bay. there were at least 20 other people there, and out of everyone, you were leaving with him.

he opens the door and lets you by first.

"thank you," you say, the night air cooling your overheated body.

"of course."

amongst the ever present—extremely active— butterflies that fluttered in your stomach, you felt a twinge of genuine nervousness.

you realize that you had just left a restaurant, alone at night, with a guy you technically barely knew. was this safe?

it certainly felt safe. max felt nothing like a stranger.

your nervousness melted away once max fell into step beside you. you looked up at him, at those intense blue eyes.

you were walking so close your arms touched. you had the urge to reach out and take his hand, but of course you didn't.

so there you were, walking alongside max verstappen into the dark night, to see the promised beautiful view.

you'd only walked two blocks before max carefully took your hand in his, entwining his fingers with yours.

please let me know if you want to be tagged for pt.2 (this might end up being three parts)❤

[thatbitchsimone]

since my birthday is this month i just realized this silly little blog is turning 13 later this year and thats how old i was when i made this account so ive literally had this blog half of my life which is insane like im never deleting this blog like its literally a time relic

[steddieas-shegoes]

Read Supportive Uncle Wayne Series Part 1 first :)

————————————————————————

Eddie and Steve slept for hours, while Wayne sat waiting. He kept a few crossword puzzles by his designated chair for the times he sat with Eddie, but this time, he couldn’t focus on anything but the way Steve and Eddie kept moving closer to each other in small ways in their sleep.

He’d considered waking Steve up a few times just so he didn’t have to watch his back and neck bend at such an impossible angle.

But god, he was resting.

Wayne wasn’t interrupting any sleep that boy got.

But he watched them both curl into each other incrementally, barely moving, yet always closer together every time Wayne looked at them.

Steve’s face was almost completely buried against Eddie’s “good” hip. If you asked Wayne, he didn’t have a good hip, he just had less stitches on one side.

Eddie’s right hand was placed in Steve’s on the bed, and his left hand was holding onto Steve’s hair for dear life. Like if he let go, Steve would disappear entirely.

From what Wayne knew of Steve so far, he wouldn’t be going anywhere unless he was physically forced.

Eddie’s body was relaxed, the drugs constantly flowing through the IV probably keeping him from experiencing any major pain. He had more stitches in his body than a sweater, and Wayne had no idea how he would heal physically or mentally from any of what happened.

But Wayne was honestly more worried for Steve.

Steve, the boy who had been exhausted since he was a small child, the boy who had refused medical care to make sure Eddie wasn’t alone or scared, the boy always secretly ready to let someone down.

He knew Richard Harrington. He knew how much of a showboat he was, how he never did anything unless it benefitted him personally or led to financial gain. Wayne even remembered shortly after Steve was born, he took an ad in the newspaper for a nanny who was willing to work ‘most days of the week and some nights, minimum wage, cooking and cleaning expected.’ Within a week, Richard and his wife Anne, were gone more than they were home.

Wayne wasn’t much for socializing or he probably would have caught Steve out and about with the nanny often. God knows Richard and Anne weren’t going to run errands.

But looking at the young adult in front of him, he had to think maybe it was a good thing Richard didn’t dig his claws in too deep. He knew if he had, Eddie would have been sitting alone right now, and Steve would be at some Ivy League college becoming something he didn’t even realize he didn’t want until it was too late.

Eddie visibly tensed, his body suddenly going rigid.

Steve was awake and fretting over Eddie before Wayne could even stand up from his chair.

“What hurts? Is it your side? I was hurting you wasn’t I? I’m sorry, Eds, really. I didn’t…”

“Steve. Please shut up. I wanted you there.”

Wayne noticed when Eddie spoke, his voice was raspy from disuse. He was still tense, but he was forcing a smile for Steve’s sake.

Wayne wasn’t having that. No matter how much Steve cared about Eddie, and Eddie cared about Steve, he wasn’t about to let either of them lie about their health.

“I’ll go get the nurse.”

Steve and Eddie both turned to look at Wayne when he spoke, cheeks red with embarrassment.

“Oh, didn’t know you were here.”

Eddie was still forcing a smile, but now it was pointed at Wayne like he wouldn’t see how fake it was.

Like he didn’t know all of Eddie’s tells since he was 13 and trying to hide how scared he was about living with him.

Wayne didn’t respond, just left the room to grab Janet, who sat alone at the nurse’s station during calmer periods in the chaos.

He hurried back in while she got the doctor on staff to see that Steve was helping Eddie adjust himself a bit in bed.

“Damn bats, Jesus Christ!”

Eddie let out a loud yelp and Steve froze.

“What was that?”

“What wasn’t it at this point?”

Eddie was breathing heavily, and his heart monitor started beeping more frantically.

“Son, you need to sit still until the doctor gets in here.”

Wayne wasn’t about to watch him hurt himself more and it didn’t seem like Steve knew how to make it better or stop him on his own.

“My side hurts like this.”

“I think your side will hurt any which way you try to be.”

Steve placed a hand on Eddie’s cheek, gently turning his face so he was looking at only Steve.

“You can be still for a minute, right? For me?”

Wayne’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“Yeah.”

Wayne’s jaw was practically on the floor.

He’d been in charge of Eddie for 7 years and had never once been able to get him to listen the first time. Not a single time.

Before he could say anything, the doctor came in, followed by a handful of nurses, including Janet.

Janet sent him a smile, but hurried over to stand next to the doctor at Eddie’s bed.

“Well, Mr. Munson. You sure are lucky.”

“I’ll feel a lot luckier when I’m not in pain.”

“Where does it hurt?”

Eddie glared at the doctor. Steve glared at Eddie.

“Mostly my side. My chest hurts a little and my left hip and leg are sore.”

“Your left side is in pretty rough shape. You’ve got about 298 stitches holding you together.” The doctor checked his pupils and his heart rate before continuing. “Go ahead and start another morphine drip, same dose as before.”

The doctor turned to Wayne.

“He’s probably going to sleep the next dose off over the next 24 hours, so you can head home. We’ll call if he wakes up earlier.”

The doctor turned to Steve, deep frown on his face.

“You, too. He needs rest.”

Steve was refusing to make eye contact with anyone at this point and Wayne was almost certain he knew why.

Steve’s father wasn’t known for being a particularly kind or loving man. One wouldn’t have to think too hard to come to the conclusion that he was harder on his son than anyone else. The doctor was speaking to him in a way that would have made Wayne’s hackles rise for Eddie, and they did for Steve too.

“I think Steve should stay.”

Wayne wasn’t going to let either of his boys go without each other if it meant they’d get some sleep.

“We do recommend that Eddie have very limited visitors.”

“If I may,” Janet spoke up. “Steve’s been here the entire time and it hasn’t affected Eddie’s sleeping. We can’t be everywhere all the time so it would be nice for someone to stay with him and come get us if he wakes up again.”

The doctor gritted his teeth together but gave a single nod before exiting the room. Most of the nurses followed behind while Janet made herself busy playing with the buttons on Eddie’s IV pole.

“Thanks Janet. What’s that doctor’s problem?” Wayne asked as he made his way to the bed.

“He came in while you were downstairs and saw the um, sleeping arrangement. He wasn’t too fond of you seeming so close.”

“We can be more careful,” Eddie mumbled, body slowly relaxing into the bed.

“Or he can just deal with it,” Janet shrugged.

She sent a wink to Steve, then turned to Wayne.

“He should be feeling a lot better now. Right Eddie?”

“This is way better than the stuff I have.”

Wayne shook his head, but couldn’t help but smile at his nephew’s antics.

“I won’t ask questions I don’t want the answer to,” Janet said as she walked out of the room. She turned to wave and then closed the door to give them all some privacy.

Wayne looked down at Eddie.

He was so pale. He’d lost so much weight in the last week, and he barely had any to give to begin with. His hair was dirty and greasy, and despite Steve and Janet giving his face and arms a wipe down, he still had dirt under his nails.

Wayne didn’t know the details of what happened. They said it was earthquake related, but he knew better. He knew if this was just an earthquake, Steve wouldn’t have stood guard by his bed for days on end.

He was just glad Eddie was alive and awake.

He placed a hand on his right shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear your voice, kiddo.”

Eddie’s eyes were glassy and his smile was much brighter than before when he responded.

“Glad you hear my voice, too. Have you met Steve? He’s my boyfriend. Or maybe not? I want him to be though. Do you think he likes me?”

Wayne looked over at a bright red Steve, then smiled down at Eddie.

“I think he likes you a lot, kid. You get some rest. Steve will still be here when you wake up, alright?”

“You too?”

“Sure.”

So Wayne stayed, and Steve stayed. Wayne watched them both as Eddie slept.

Steve didn’t fall back asleep. He looked like he needed to, but any time his eyes started to slip shut, he shook his head and widened his eyes trying to fight it.

“Steve?”

“Yes, sir?”

Wayne watched as Steve’s body curled in on itself defensively.

“None of that. You can call me Wayne.” When Steve nodded, Wayne continued. “Whoever you are to Eddie, I hope you know you’ve got me, okay? I know Eddie must like ya a whole lot for him to say any of what he did regardless of the drugs in his system. And you must like him a whole lot to not leave his side this long. But you gotta get some rest, son.”

“I take naps in the chair sometimes.”

“A nap ain’t rest. Especially not if you’ve been through war.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’m sure I shouldn’t know. But I been there. And I’m not lettin’ ya suffer the way I did when I came home.”

Steve’s eyes were watering and Wayne knew if he watched this boy cry, he’d be done for.

So when Steve’s first tear fell, Wayne got up and joined Steve on the other side of the bed, pulling him out of the chair and into his arms.

Steve was injured, and hadn’t had proper medical attention or pain medication, but he ignored it to fall apart in Wayne’s arms.

“That’s alright now. Let it out, son. Let it out.”

Wayne felt a tear fall down his own cheek. He couldn’t have possibly predicted this moment, but he knew he was meant to be in it.

He was meant to be here with Steve, providing something the boy needed for a long, long time.

He was meant to be someone for Steve the same way he was meant to be someone for Eddie.

[just-aake]

Boundless Devotion - Part IV

Pairing: princess!Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: MedievalAU. Natasha is the eldest princess of the Romanov Kingdom. As the time of her coronation approaches, she is suddenly forced to make a decision – either find herself a partner or her parents will choose one for her.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Warnings: slight fluff, slight angst

Words: 4898

A few days have passed since the night of the ball, and you find yourself back at the castle, this time for your usual meeting with Queen Melina. 

Beyond her role as the kingdom's ruler, the queen has always had a keen interest in the sciences — a passion you also shared since you were young.

As a result, you frequently visit the castle to engage in discussions and assist with her latest discoveries and experiments. 

However, recently, your focus has shifted toward some of her previous contributions, especially the ones during the war between the Romanov and Stark kingdoms.

You shuffle in your chair again as you attempt to analyze the information on the parchment before you.

Normally, it wouldn’t take this long, but you can’t seem to concentrate. Your mind is too distracted trying to find the right moment to ask her your questions. 

The sounds of scribbling in the library stop, causing you to look up.

You find that Queen Melina has paused in her writing and set her quill down, looking at you knowingly. 

“Let’s take a break,” she offers.

The two of you decide to move closer to the fireplace for your conversation, and you hand her a cup of tea before sitting on one of the chairs beside her.   

Queen Melina nods her head at you as she takes a sip, indicating for you to speak. 

You lean forward in your seat, eager to discuss your recent findings from your readings.

“In one of the books you gave me, there was a mention of something called the Black Widow operations. I tried to find more information, but there weren't any further details about it anywhere.”

“That’s because it was a secret operation created by your father and me during the war. Only a select few are aware of its existence and purpose,” she explains.

Your shoulders slump at the revelation.

If this operation was a kingdom secret, it's likely you won't be able to uncover any more details about it.

Melina observes your crestfallen expression carefully before making a decision.

“Do you know about the black widow spider?” she asks you.

You look at her in surprise, realizing that she intends to continue discussing this restricted subject with you.

When you shake your head, she continues, “They're named after the tendency of the female species to consume the male after mating.” 

Setting her cup down on the table, she turns her attention to you.

“Your father has always found that concept intriguing — the betrayal of a loved one.”

Of course he would.

You can't help but roll your eyes, hardly surprised at your father's cruel fascination with such an idea.

The queen proceeds with her explanation.

“The Black Widow operations were based on this idea. At the time, I had recently developed a serum that relaxes a person's mind and their compulsions. Combined with your father’s conditioning methods, we were able to develop a new way of gaining information from our enemies.” 

“By controlling them,” you interject, already suspecting the true nature of the operations. 

She nods in acknowledgment, confirming your suspicion.

“Once activated by a handler, the affected subjects would unknowingly search for the information that we needed and relay it to us without ever realizing what they were doing.”

“So these subjects were unaware of what happened to them?”

Your hands clench involuntarily at the unsettling thought of being controlled without knowing to eventually betray your loved ones.

“This was during the time of war,” the queen reminds you. “The Stark Kingdom had made significant advances in their weaponry, and we needed something to help shift the balance. Your father ensured that the process wiped away all memory of the conditioning.” 

Her gaze becomes solemn as she gazes into the crackling fire.

“Initially, that was the sole purpose of these operations — to gather intelligence. But as the war dragged on, Dreykov grew restless.”

She continues with a sigh, “So, he expanded the operations beyond controlling just the subjects' thoughts, but also their actions. He believed that this would be the key to victory in the war.”

“But you didn’t agree,” you say as more of an observation than a question.

Melina nods, her expression tinged with regret.

“Dreykov and I had shared similar ideals and aspirations for many years. We would have done anything to win the war for a better future for the kingdom.”

“What changed?” you ask, curious about the turning point in their history.

Her gaze softens, a faint smile on her lips as she reminisces.

“Well, everything appears different when you are about to start a family.”

Realization dawns on you as you remember.

Natasha was born near the end of the war.

Melina lets out a sad exhale as she continues. 

“I could sense that the Starks, too, were growing weary of the war. They already had a son and were expecting another child soon,” she adds, her voice laced with understanding. “And for a moment, I believe your father also understood what I meant…when he had you.” 

Your expression turns doubtful at her words, but the queen doesn’t notice as she finishes.

“So, a peace treaty was made between the two kingdoms, stopping the war. Everything was supposed to be okay.” 

“But it wasn’t.”

You can continue this part of history. Everybody knows of the tragedies that followed immediately after the war's end.

“My mother was killed in a fire by enemies seeking revenge on my father. And soon after, the captain of the Stark kingdom murdered King Howard, Queen Maria, and their newborn daughter, leaving the surviving son, Prince Tony, to assume the throne.”

You furrow your brows at an unnerving thought.

"The captain…he was a part of the operations, wasn't he?" you inquire, piecing together the connections.

“I don’t know,” the queen admits with a heavy sigh. "Your father was still grieving when I confronted him about it, but he denied any involvement."

She shakes her head at the memory.

“Nevertheless, I closed the Red Room and put an end to the Black Widow operations, and any further research on them has been sealed and restricted ever since.”

You look down at your hands sadly at the information.

“So, there was no method developed to undo the conditioning on those affected,” you conclude.

Melina gives you a sympathetic look and places a reassuring hand on your shoulder for comfort.

You let out a disappointed sigh. That means you’re back to where you originally started in your research. 

A silence follows for a moment before the queen decides to speak, her tone more lighthearted to contrast the somber atmosphere.

“I’m glad to see you and Natasha are close again.”

When you look at her in surprise at the shift in conversation, she raises her eyebrow at you, teasingly adding.

“Well, closer. I heard about your little display the other night.”   

You flush under her gaze as you hide your face behind your hand, still embarrassed at the memory. 

The two of you were swaying slowly to the soft music in an isolated corner of the dance floor, within perfect view of the other nobles in the ballroom.

“I have an idea,” Natasha says with a smirk.

You are about to question her when Natasha suddenly tilts her head and leans in, her face covering yours from the watchful eyes of the other nobles. 

You close your mouth in surprise, your next words lost as your eyes widen.

From everyone else’s perspective, it appeared as though the princess just leaned in to kiss you. 

In reality, Natasha’s lips hover just above yours.

A breath’s distance separated the two of you. If you move even a little, your lips will touch hers. You feel your heart beat faster at the thought.

Before you can react any further, Natasha pulls away, her eyes shining with amusement as she teases you.

“That expression on your face is really cute.”

Internally groaning at the memory, you feel your face grow even warmer in embarrassment.

After Natasha's bold move, there is no denying what the other nobles believe is your current relationship with the princess. 

The point becomes even more evident when Kate's excited exclamation at the sight of the two of you supposedly kissing draws the attention of everyone in the room.

Melina lets out an amused chuckle at your reaction.

“I’ve always known you two would be a good match.”

You lower your hands from your face and tilt your head, puzzled by her comment.

What did she mean by ‘a good match’?

Just as you're about to ask her for clarification, a knock at the library doors interrupts you.

Natasha steps into the room, her gaze shifting between you and her mother.

“Are you finished with Y/n?” she asks.

Melina waves her hand in dismissal.

“Go ahead, I remember what it was like to be young and in love.”

Natasha rolls her eyes and extends her hand to you, nodding towards the exit.

"Let's hurry before she starts sharing her old love stories."

As you're leaving, Melina calls out to you both, “Y/n, please join us for dinner tonight. And Natasha, don’t be late again.”

You nod in acknowledgment as Natasha groans and pulls you out through the doors.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Natasha strolls beside you along the stone paths that lead to the castle’s garden.

Besides the gardeners, other castle staff barely go through this area, leaving the both of you isolated from prying eyes or ears.

After checking that nobody else was around, she turns to you with a question that she’s been wondering about since the night of the ball. 

“So my plan was to pretend until after my coronation. What exactly is your plan?”

You raise your brow teasingly at her.

“What, you don’t want to be in this fake relationship with me forever?”

Natasha huffs in disbelief, shoving your shoulder with hers lightly.

“I’d marry you myself if it means you don’t have to be with that jerk.” 

And she was serious. You were her closest friend and an important person in her life. She would do anything to make sure you were safe and happy.

You smile softly at her, shaking your head in refusal.

“I just need time to look for someone else suitable enough to replace Lord Rumlow.”

“Better than me?” Natasha teases.

You chuckle, rolling your eyes exasperatedly as you walk ahead of her. 

Reaching the garden’s entrance, you stop and turn around to face her with a serious expression.

“Alright, we should get our story straight.”

Natasha gives you an amused look.

“What do you mean?”

“We need to come up with how we became a couple,” you explain.

Natasha crosses her arms and tilts her head in thought before shrugging. 

“There’s not much to come up with,” she reasons. “It’s a typical story. A princess and her childhood friend. One day, the friend realizes her feelings for the princess, confesses, and then they decide to be together.” 

You raise your brows playfully at her words, barely concealing your grin.

“Somebody’s confident.”

In response, Natasha gracefully plucks a red rose from a nearby bush, a teasing smirk on her lips, as she leans in close and offers it to you.

“You’re the one who said I could get anybody in this kingdom to fall for me.”

You accept the flower with an amused laugh, gently pushing her away. 

“Well, I’m not just anybody,” you tell her as you brush past her into the garden.

Natasha watches you go with a soft smile before following after you. 

“Alright then, let’s say that I was the one who fell first and confessed to you,” she offers, catching up to you. “We don’t need to reveal anything more than necessary.”

You nod in agreement, stopping and turning back around to face her again. 

“Then what about how we act around each other?”

Natasha’s brows furrow in confusion.

“What’s wrong with how we usually act?”

You wave your hand, gesturing vaguely in the air.

“I’m talking about other things, you know, like affectionate touches or….” your voice trails off as you think of the other things couples typically do.

“Kissing?” Natasha finishes for you with an amused smirk.

“I have never seen your face turn that red before,” she says with a light chuckle at the memory of the other night. “I’m not sure how long we’d be able to pull this off if you are constantly blushing at my actions.”

Your expression turns into a pout at her teasing.

“You just caught me by surprise. Anybody would be flustered in my position.” 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Natasha replies, confident in her ability to maintain composure since she is used to the many flirtations from the other nobles and was unfazed by all of their attempts before.

“You don’t think I can make you flustered too?” you ask as you place your hands innocently atop her shoulders.

Natasha tilts her head and squints suspiciously at you, unconvinced.

“You can try,” she says skeptically.

A sly grin appears on your lips at the challenge. 

Without hesitation, your hands glide down from her shoulders and rest against her front, just above her chest. You move in close, your bodies not quite touching but enough for her to feel your warmth. 

Natasha’s eyes widen slightly in surprise but she doesn’t step away, unwilling to back down.

Your face leans in slowly until your lips hover a breath away from hers, mimicking what she did the other night. But then your voice drops to a low whisper against her lips.

“Are you sure about that?”

Natasha locks her gaze onto yours, and for a moment, the world around her fades until her only focus is you. Her words seem caught in her throat as she feels her heart quicken slightly.

Your head shifts to the side, breathing gently against her neck before moving your lips up next to her ear. 

“Gotcha,” you murmur. 

You pull back swiftly and step away, removing your touch from her body and innocently clasping your hands behind you. Your eyes sparkle with triumph as you tilt your head teasingly.

“Looks like the princess can blush after all.” 

Natasha blinks, momentarily caught off guard as she raises a hand to rub at her warm cheeks in surprise, feeling a faint blush spreading. She coughs lightly, regaining her composure.

“Not bad,” she admits absently. 

Your smile widens in victory as you reach for her hand, intertwining your fingers. 

“We don’t actually have to kiss.” Waving your clasped hands, you tell her. “Touches like this should be good enough for the public.”

You pull her towards the castle. 

“Come on, Natasha, we wouldn’t want to be late.”

Natasha hums distractedly in acknowledgment, but her focus remains on your clasped hands as she wonders to herself. 

Why was her heart still racing?

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

On the way to the dining hall, you noticed that Natasha was oddly quiet, but when you glanced back at her, she offered you her usual smile. 

As you enter, you see Queen Melina and Yelena are already seated at their respective positions at the table. King Alexei is away on a short trip to the neighboring kingdom, so his seat at the other end is empty. 

An additional chair which you assume is yours has been placed next to the other empty one beside the queen.

Natasha goes to pull out the chair next to her usual seat for you, but Melina stops her.

“Natasha, move over for Y/n. We have much to discuss.”

Yelena begins to laugh at her mother’s blatant display of favoritism, but she masks it with fake coughs when the queen shoots her a disapproving look.

Rolling her eyes, Natasha complies with her mother’s request, pulling out her usual chair for you instead. As she pushes you in, she leans down to whisper, “I told you, she likes you more.”

Melina looks between her two daughters and remarks sarcastically, “Oh, I’m sorry, did you or Yelena suddenly develop an interest in my experiments?” 

Yelena hastily shakes her head, diverting her attention to petting Fanny beside her.

You tilt your head at Natasha in confusion as she settles in the seat next to you.

“I thought you liked to hear about her experiments.” 

Over the years, you’ve frequently talked with Natasha about your sessions with the queen, and she always seems genuinely interested in what you say.

Melina arches a brow at Natasha. “The last time I tried to discuss my findings with you, you brushed me off and told me that you would simply read about them in your next lessons.”

Natasha shrugs indifferently as she replies, “It’s more interesting when Y/n explains it.” 

Melina gasps in offense at her daughter’s words.

Yelena’s expression shifts into a teasing smirk as she gestures between her sister and you.

“What she means is she just enjoys listening to Y/n talk.”

Natasha discreetly kicks Yelena under the table in reprimand. 

“Ow,” Yelena shoots a glare at her before turning to her dog.

“Fanny, bite,” she commands.

The dog playfully bounds under the table toward Natasha, only to stop abruptly at the sight of a treat in your hand.

You toss the treat to Fanny and pat her head as she happily settles down beside you.

Yelena gasps in mock betrayal at her dog. 

As the dinner meals are brought out and set down on the table, Melina turns her attention to you.

“So, Y/n, what are your plans for tomorrow?”

“I’m heading into town for some errands,” you reply.

“Oh, will Natasha be joining you as well?”

You pause, a bit surprised by her question. You definitely were not expecting to have Natasha join you on your trip tomorrow.

“I am?” Natasha asks for you.

“Well, since you two don’t have to hide your relationship anymore, this would be a great opportunity for you to have a date,” Melina suggests.

“That’s…right,” you say, looking at Natasha nervously, realizing the implication. “We can go on dates in public now.”

Melina narrows her eyes disapprovingly at her daughter.

“Unless you are too busy training to take Y/n on a proper date, Natasha?” she asks accusingly.

Before Natasha can respond, the doors of the dining room burst open, drawing everyone’s attention.

King Alexei enters joyfully and makes his way to his chair while greeting everyone.

“Sorry I’m late, my family—ah and Y/n, nice to see you again—I have an exciting new story to tell you about my journey!”

Melina gives him a questioning look at his presence.

“We weren’t expecting you back until tomorrow,” she remarks.

King Alexei waves his hand nonchalantly.

“The guards wanted to get back sooner after the attack on the road.” 

A plate is set down in front of him before he continues.

“That’s the story I wanted to share with you all. There I was, surrounded by twenty mercenaries, all pointing their weapons at me.”

“Wait, you were ambushed?” Natasha interrupts with concern.

He grins and nods, his eyes glinting with excitement.

“Aye, it was exhilarating. I haven’t felt this energized since my days in the war. You know, this reminds me of the time when I had to fight with one arm and leg broken.”

Yelena waves her hand dismissively, commenting, “We’ve heard that story many times already. Can we get back to the ambush?”

“Yelena!” Melina chastises.

“What? Obviously, it turned out okay if he’s here now,” she defends herself.

The queen rubs her head in exhaustion at her family before standing up.

“I’m sorry, Y/n, you’ll have to excuse me. Apparently, I need to speak with my husband and the captain in private.”

With that, she drags King Alexei out of the dining room, leaving the three of you to finish up your meals.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

“You didn’t have to come with me.”

Your voice breaks the silence in the carriage, pulling Natasha from her thoughts. She turns to you, sitting beside her in the carriage.

Registering your words, she scoffs in disbelief.

“After what happened to my father, you’re lucky I didn’t just have you stay the night at the castle.” 

Your head tilts in thought at the idea.

“It has been a while since we’ve had a sleepover at the castle.”

Natasha shrugs before commenting, “I’m not opposed to the idea.”

Her smile takes on a teasing expression.

“Though it may be inappropriate now that we’re technically a couple. Imagine the rumors that would spread if someone saw that you spent the night in my room.”

Your face flushes a light shade of red at her words, and Natasha’s smile widens at the sight. She’s growing fond of being the cause of such blushes on your face. It was quickly becoming her new favorite expression from you. 

You shoot her a playful glare, already knowing she was teasing you on purpose.

“Or I could just stay in one of the guest rooms.”

“But that’s no fun,” Natasha sighs in mock disappointment.

The conversation drifts off into a peaceful silence for a moment before Natasha recalls her mother’s earlier comment.

“You know, I can come with you tomorrow into town if you’d like,” Natasha suggests hopefully. She misses spending time with you like the way the two of you used to do.

You shake your head in refusal, replying with an understanding tone, “You don’t have to, Natasha. I know you have other things you need to do.”

Frowning at your words, Natasha rests her hand atop yours before responding sincerely, “I’ll always have time for you.” 

She leans against your shoulder, bumping it lightly. 

“Besides, my mother's right. This will give us a chance to show our ‘relationship’ to the public.”

You let out a laugh in disbelief.

“So we’re going to have a date because of your mother’s suggestion?”

Natasha gives you a pointed look.

“We wouldn’t want her to become suspicious. We have to make it seem like we’ve been together in secret for a while already.”

Your expression turns contemplative and you let out a worried sigh at the reminder.

“Then maybe we should practice things like kisses on the cheeks or the hands too so that we’ll look more comfortable with each other if it ever comes up,” you wonder out loud.

Natasha feels her heart quicken slightly at your words, but then she regains her composure, clearing her throat and shaking away that strange feeling in her chest.

“Do you want to try?” she finds herself asking without thinking.

Natasha watches as you ponder in thought before nodding at her with a determined expression. Facing forward with your cheek towards her, you close your eyes tightly in anticipation.

“Okay, go ahead,” you say.

Natasha holds in a laugh at your adorable expression as you wait for her to kiss you on the cheek. She can’t help but tease you as she leans in.

“Why are you so tense?” 

You open your eyes and turn to her defensively.

“I’m not—“ 

Both of your eyes widen in surprise when Natasha’s lips brush softly against the corner of your mouth.

The two of you remain in that position for a moment, too shocked to move.

Eventually, Natasha is the one who pulls away first, her eyes locked onto yours. It feels just like that moment in the garden where everything around her disappears, her heart racing like before.

When you lightly bite your lips where she had touched yours, Natasha finds herself drawn to you at the movement, unconsciously leaning in again.  

“We have arrived, Your Highness,” the coachman calls out as the carriage slows to a stop.

That brings Natasha back to reality as she pulls herself back in surprise. She looks away from you, clearing her throat lightly to find her voice before responding to him. 

“Okay, thank you.” 

When she turns back to you, she finds your head slightly ducked and looking away, a definite blush on your cheeks. 

The carriage door is opened by your night gatekeeper who helps you out of the carriage. Natasha follows you soon after, rubbing her neck nervously.

“Y/n, about that kiss…,” Natasha trails off, seemingly at a loss for words. 

You chuckle lightly at the sight of the usually confident princess reacting so shyly, so you decide to make sure she knows that everything is still okay between the two of you, despite the accidental touch.

Raising your hand to cup her face, you lean up and give her a soft kiss against her cheek.

When you pull away, Natasha gives you a confused look. 

“There, now we’re even,” you tell her in reassurance.

“Well, that display certainly confirms the rumors I’ve been hearing,” a sudden voice interrupts.

Both you and Natasha turn towards the source and see your father descending the stairs toward the two of you.

Natasha gives him a polite nod and smiles in greeting.

Despite being close friends with you for years, this is probably the first time that she has met your father personally outside of formal events. 

“Good evening, Lord Dreykov.”

“Princess Natasha,” he greets, giving her a curt nod.

“I see you’ve brought my daughter home from her frivolous activities,” he continues with a condescending tone, his harsh words aimed at you.

Natasha’s smile fades at his tone and the insulting comment towards you. She turns to give you a questioning look but finds your head ducked toward the ground, avoiding her gaze.

Returning her attention to your father, Natasha remarks coldly.

“I don’t believe we’ve ever had a proper conversation with each other.”

“No, the last time I saw you, you were still a child,” Lord Dreykov states, examining her critically, his eyes scrutinizing her. “Some in the kingdom might even argue that you're still a child now, hardly ready to rule.”

Natasha smirks confidently in understanding, her posture straightening at the challenge. She’s no stranger to facing older nobles who are wary about her capabilities of taking the throne. 

“I assure you that I am fully prepared to follow in my mother's footsteps. Though, I am open to insights from those who believe they know better.“

He scoffs at her words.

“My suggestion would be to not tread the same path as your mother.”

“Do you disagree with the decisions she made for the kingdom?" Natasha questions.

Lord Dreykov waves his hand dismissively as he admits, “Queen Melina possesses a brilliant mind, especially when it comes to her scientific discoveries and experiments.” 

His voice shifts into a tone of disdain.

“However, her choices as the ruler of our kingdom — let’s just say, not everyone views her decision to accept a peace treaty when victory was within reach as a wise choice.” 

“And yet both kingdoms have been at peace with each other for over two decades,” Natasha points out, her voice unwavering.

“If that is what you believe, then allow me to offer another piece of advice, Your Highness,” he says, feigning politeness.

“Peace is often just a thin veil, concealing the demons lurking underneath. You can never predict when a friend one day may suddenly become your enemy the next.”

His tone remained neutral, but Natasha sensed a subtle warning in his words. She is about to argue when she feels your hand grab hers. 

Natasha looks over to you and finds your face now pale, just like that moment back at the ball when you were speaking with Lord Rumlow. 

Glancing down, she notices your hand trembling slightly as you hold hers, but you quickly cover your clasp hands with your other hand, stopping the shaking.

Concern fills Natasha’s eyes as she studies your face.

She has never seen you in this kind of state before, so unsure and frightened.

Her eyes narrow as she glances suspiciously at Lord Dreykov, but another tug of her hand redirects her attention back to you.

You look at her with pleading eyes, whispering to her.

“Natasha, just go home.” 

Lord Dreykov lifts his head at her, haughtily.

“Indeed, it is growing dark soon. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to the princess on her way home, now would we?”

Natasha clenches her teeth at the sight of his smug expression, unable to hide her new disdain for the noble.

“Natasha, please.”

At your words, Natasha dispels her tense posture before turning to you with a gentle expression.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/n,” she promises, bringing your slightly trembling hands to her lips in a light kiss.

She shoots Lord Dreykov a suspicious glance before retreating into the carriage.

Once the carriage disappears from view, you let out a breath of relief before turning to your father with a sigh.

His hand emerges from behind him, and you involuntarily flinch at the sight of his raised hand, closing your eyes to brace yourself. 

When you feel him pat your head, you cautiously open your eyes and see him smiling coldly at you, his eyes glinting with a sinister look.

“I was disappointed when you told me you were no longer close to the princess, but this…making her fall for you,” he scoffs, mockingly. “Maybe you are not as useless as I thought.”

As he leaves, his words weigh heavy on your heart, leaving you filled with worry. You’re no longer sure if you made the right decision with this plan anymore.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Series Masterlist : Boundless Devotion

a/n: Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @lightwhoranoutoflight, @taliiiaasteria, @romanoffprentiss, @canvascoloredin,  @silentwolfsstuff, @blacklightsposts, @arcturusseer, @presser24, @dvrkhcld, @jujuu23, @screechcat, @vivs46

[zer05trange]

Roaring Sea

IV. Good Things

⋆｡°✩ (childe x fem!reader)✩°｡⋆

⋆｡°✩ wc: 3.5k

⋆｡°✩warnings: angst, graphic violence, slight gore (blood), mentions of sickness and getting sick

⋆｡°✩: series masterlist

“Ivan, you can go ahead and clock out for today,” You say, with your arms deep within the oven, “I do need you all day tomorrow, though. You’ll probably need to close, if that’s okay with you.” 

“Yes ma’am,” You hear him from behind you. He should be satisfied with that, he was rightfully busy with school over the past few months, so he hasn’t got many hours in recently.

The boy proceeds to leave the store after getting half of the tips, and when he opens the door, a gust of cold wind blows in. You immediately start shivering. Even with the many years you’ve lived in Snezhnaya, her cold touch always froze you half to death. 

As the sun started to set, it began to be more dangerous to be outside for any longer than necessary. Your mind begins to wonder about Tartaglia, and how he’s fairing in the biting weather. It had been around 13 hours since he left you earlier that morning, so he must have felt the frostiness of the winter at some point in the day.

You need to stop thinking about him, though difficult, because the mere thought of him makes you anxious. And at this point, you can’t tell whether the anxiousness is from worriment or excitement. So instead, you try to focus your brain on closing your bakery for the day and serving your last customers. 

By the time that the least customer left your bakery, and all of your. closing tasks were finished, it was close to 11:00pm. You sigh as you turn off the lights and head upstairs, locking the door behind you.

You quickly change into some comfortable house-clothes before walking over to the kitchen to heat up the leftover soup that Tartaglia brought the night before. You heat the bowl on the stove and steeping a pot of tea, flipping through pages of a novel while you wait. Eventually, you take your filled bowl and mug over to your sofa, where you begin to eat your meal. 

You stare at the wall opposite you, looking at the vast amounts of pictures and paintings that mounted it. If anyone saw you, they'd be able to tell that something was bothering you. That may have been because of Tartaglia’s absence, or the whole Tartaglia situation itself. You can't tell.

You continue to eat and stare, trying to keep your peace amongst your sea of thoughts. And you do achieve some sort of peace for a few minutes.

That is, until you hear loud noises coming from outside the window of your back room. 

It makes you jump, at first. There’s yelling, and clashing of metal, and even screams. You quickly, yet quietly, make your way to the source of the sound. The back window faces the other side of Snezhnaya.

There isn’t a nice city street to gaze upon, but rather the isolating and barren landscape of the Snezhanayan mountains. You get close to the window, and even with minimal lighting outside, you can see that there are two groups of people having some sort of… battle. 

One group is being cornered against a large, snow-covered rock, while the other, which is much larger in size, approaches them. You realize that the more powerful group is unmistakably a Fatui squad.

There are a few agents, cicin mages, as well as a legionnaire and a vanguard. They’re massive, as well, but they’re forming a protective u-shape around someone. It must be their leader, you think, as the group seemingly follows each meticulous move from the center. You squint your eyes to get a better look at the group causing so much noise, but the darkness outside hinders your ability to get a clear look.

The vanguard lunges for the main leader of the smaller group, which you think is a band of treasure hoarders, and grabs at him. He turns the hoarder around by the back of the neck, where he’s now facing the Fatui group, about four inches off the ground as well. The Fatui leader gets closer to him, barking something unintelligible at the man before bringing his hand up to the neck of the hoarder.

The Fatuu swipes their hand across the man’s neck causing it to slit open. As the leader does so, you could swear that you saw a flash of purple-like lightning. The man’s throat opens and blood gets everywhere.  Everywhere. You put your hand over your mouth to cover a gasp as the vanguard drops the man to the ground, whose body is convulsing on its way to death. 

This is the first time you’ve seen someone die. Sure, you’ve beat some people up for commissions, even a treasure hoarder or two, but killed someone? Never, and you can’t see yourself doing so. It makes you feel nauseated to see how the man’s life was ripped away so fast. 

But you can't look away. You keep watching as the Fatui are signaled by their leader to ambush the rest of the hoarder group. You witness how they butcher each and every one of the smaller, weaker group. You see the hoarders being bashed by the vanguard’s hammer, slashed to pieces by the agent’s blades, and how cicins and frost are released by the mage and legionnaire. You want to look away, but your eyes remain glued to the scene. 

Their leader gets in on the action and is somehow more violent and bloodthirsty than the rest, despite being less muscular than the others. You can tell from here that the leader is a man, as well.

He begins to slash and stab using some sort of water-like sword, and you know that means he’s not just some Fatui soldier. He has a vision and a delusion, he must be a harbinger.

The blood of the hoarders soaks into the snow, a deep pool of crimson surrounding the entire scene. The Fatui group starts celebrating in victory as the last hoarder goes silent, and they turn around to head the opposite way. Since they now face your general direction, you attempt to hide yourself while still watching the group. They get closer and closer to the streetlights of the strip you live on, and you stay to see what exactly was going on. Their leader gets into a visible light first, and your eyes blow wide.

The leader has a disgusting grimace on his face, with eyes blown wide and a face of pure malice donning on him. His irises are so small you can barely see them, but rather, a sea of white paints over his eyes. He has a grin akin to the cheshire cat, each corner pulled to a supernatural looking upturn. It’s a face of nightmares, one so scary that it distracts you from the fact that the face belongs to

Tartaglia. 

You freeze in place.

No, absolutely no way. It cannot actually be him. There’s no way that the sweet, fun-loving Tartaglia you knew is the same man you were looking at at the moment. It couldn't be possible that the left cheek which is covered in a helpless man’s blood, was the same one that you softly brushed flour off of. The face that you woke up to this morning, the face you kissed this morning, was the same face that donned such a horrifying expression. The eyes that looked at your face with so much adoration, were unrecognizable as they were clouded over in a bloodthirsty haze.

You can’t believe it.

Out the fear of being caught, or pure weakness, you fall to the floor and out of the window's view. You can feel your dinner coming up from your stomach, but you physically cannot move. You’re shaking, you feel so numb that you can’t feel the multiple tears streaming out from your waterline and down your face. 

He didn’t just lie to you about his job, but he actively kept it from you. A harbinger one of the most dangerous and well-known individuals in all of Tevyat, has now been frequenting your bakery almost every day.

There’s no way people don’t know, right? More socially knowledgeable Snezhnayans visit your shop every day and must see you happily chatting to a Fatui Harbinger. 

It begins to make sense to you, even in a state of shock. His body being covered in scars, the fact that he never took you outside of the bakery, or how he always left in the early hours of the morning.

How many people has he killed? How many dark deeds has he done, and then come into your home to hold and kiss you as if nothing happened? 

And his face was so, so horrifying. Distorted to the point where it was almost unrecognizable to the person he’s spent almost every night with. His lightless eyes blown so wide, and even being in the darkness for so long, his pupils were almost invisible.

His smile, not that you could call it that, was so wide and full of pure bloodlust. And there was blood all over his face, the parts that you kissed, held, and brushed over with your thumb almost daily. It was in his mouth, as if he had internal injuries, and matted itself in his hair. The hair you love to brush through, grab at, and ruffle.

Your sobs are silent. At some point, you get yourself to your bathroom, where you sit beside the toilet in case you get sick after what you’ve seen. Through your choked sobs and curled up body, you feel exhaustion setting in. And eventually, with your back against the bathtub, you fall asleep against the cold tile. 

the next day

Today was a good day for Ajax. He got through with training his Fatui underlings before lunchtime, and quickly finished off his day with mandatory, though grueling, paperwork. He was working efficiently, but it was very quick-paced, even for him. He knows exactly why he was so quick in his actions today, too. He can’t deny it any longer, he’s fallen for a woman who runs a bakery.

He never thought he’d see the day. He thought his heart was too cold. He wouldn’t even say he had a heart, not after falling down and witnessing the horrors of the abyss. He cared for his family so deeply that the abyss couldn’t even take it away from him, but one other person in his heart? He couldn’t imagine a world where he could let another person into it. 

But now he’s living that reality. 

He's never felt the feeling of it outside of his immediate family, but he has to be sure about it. The feeling that warmed his frozen heart, is love. It has to be.

And it scares the 11th. 

It scares him how much he worries for you once he leaves your presence. It scares him how for the longest time, you acted as if you denied any idea of a future with him. It scares him when he thinks of you moving on from him, and finding someone else. But that recurring thought is more than fright, it brings on anger and anxiety. 

As he walks down the city, he thinks of the idea, and immediately brushes it off before his electro delusion sets off. Again.

He needs to tell you about his job, and soon.

It’s not like he intentionally meant to keep it from you from the start, it was Teucer who introduced you to Ajax through his stories, and Ajax had to keep that up around his brother. You just got caught in a protective lie.

And his name, you need to know it. He’ll give it a few more dates, Ajax thinks. He needs you in his future, without the lies and without the cover-ups.

It’s only 5:00PM, and he’s sure that he can get you to close the bakery early to go on your planned date with him. He’s wearing a more put-together and warm outfit than his usual uniform and even found himself double-checking his look in the mirror to look good for you. In his eyes, you’re so gorgeous, too beautiful for his tainted eyes to look upon. So, to try and get even get close to your level of beauty, he took some extra time in getting ready. 

He tightens his scarf around the bottom of his face. Man, the weather today is intense. Ajax begins to wonder whether going outside with you is the smartest idea. But it has to be, if it's what you want.

He’s always known that he wants to add to his family, regardless of whether he could ever love again or not. But now, he has someone he loves, and someone that he could see fitting in perfectly to his future. So he has to try, Ajax has to win the battle over your affections.

And if that means he has to be out in the cold, or anywhere else other than the comfort of your little apartment, he would stand out in the weather for thousands of hours. If it meant he could be with you.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he missed the bakery by a few steps. He quickly retraces them to the front door of the shop, and looks into the bakery from its large glass panes. You aren’t in there, or in sight at least, instead there’s a boy behind the counter. 

Oh hell no. 

He confidently enters the bakery and makes a bee-line to the front counter. 

“Welcome, is there anything I can help you with today?” He hears the man speak.

“Where’s Y/N?” Ajax asks with a friendly tone. But the glint in his eyes is nothing but friendly, instead, he’s staring down the man with dangerous eyes.

“Ms. Y/N is sick at the moment. If you need me to take a word for you, I’ll gladly tell her when she’s bett–”

“No,” Ajax barks at the boy before making his way behind the counter and to the door leading up to your home. He sees who he hopes is just your employee getting ready to defend your privacy, but Ajax just side-eyes him and scoffs before opening the unlocked door, and locking it from behind him.

He makes his way up the steps, as he begins to worry over your health. Sick? In the months he’s known you, you’ve never felt under the weather. Specifically, on the one day he was going to take you out and ask you to be something official with him. That can’t be intentional–right? Not after yesterday morning. 

He reaches the front door to your home, and hesitates to turn the knob. What if you’re too sick to see him, or you don’t want to see him? He finds how disgustingly dependent he is when it comes to you. 

He turns the knob, finding that it is locked. So he tries to knock, three separate times. On the third, he hears your voice. Oh thank the archons, you’re decent enough to speak. Though your voice is hoarse.

“Ivan? Is that you?” You respond from the other side of the door. Who the fuck is Ivan? 

He hears you unlock the door, and open it. He notices you before you notice it’s him, and you do look like you’ve been sick. Your hair is unkempt, and your eyes have darker circles around them, and they’re puffy. You’ve been crying. 

He’ll slaughter the person that made you this upset. 

But before he can say anything, you lock eyes with him, and sharply inhale through your teeth.

A gasp? Why are you

“How did you get up here?” You hiss at him. Your face is full of fear, as well. Ajax thinks of the thousands of reasons you could possibly be so alert, each possibility making him more anxious.

“Your door was unlocked! We were going out today... right?” He says with a nervous chuckle, trying to qualm whatever mood you were in.

“You can’t be in here,” You respond shakily, taking a step backward from him each second.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Ajax says, “Can we talk?” 

He closes the door behind him, against your wishes. His face is now as worried as yours is, yet you’re trembling in his presence. Your face is no longer looking at his, now it faces the floor. 

“You want to talk now?” Your face still looking at the floor, “Yet you didn’t want to tell me that you’re in the Fatui? That you are a harbinger?” 

Oh. 

“Y/N, I–”

“You what? Were you ever going to tell me?" You bark quietly.

He stays silent, so you continue.

"When were you going to tell me that when you weren’t with me, you were mercilessly slaughtering helpless people?” Your words are filled with venom, like you were condemning him with your statements. 

“Y/N, who told you about this?” He responds, his voice getting shaky itself. 

“Why? So you can go kill them too?” Your voice begins to raise before you take a deep breath, “I saw you! and you looked so- so…” 

“Y/N–”

“Stop it! Stop saying my name,” You yell at him, “If you wanted to keep this from me, you should maybe be quieter when you go and kill someone right outside of my home.” 

“I never meant to keep it from you,” He says, in a voice much quieter than your own.

“Last time I checked, a toy maker was a little different from being a harbinger, Childe.” 

The use of his Fatui alias shocked him. Have you just been mulling and researching over this all day? It’s unlike you, almost too unlike you. He never said that name, did he? Where did you get this information?

“A Toy-maker is what I use to keep what I do from my young brother,” He snaps, then realizing the tone he just took with you. He takes a deep breath and a pause before continuing, “I am so sorry. I really am, and I was going to tell you. But I can’t tell just anyone what I do.”

He knows the second it left his mouth, he knew he fucked up. 

“Just anyone,” You repeat with a small, pained smile, “you need to leave, now.” 

“No– Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that,” He responds, taking a step closer to you. You back away in fear, while simultaneously summoning a sword out of pure elemental energy. You bring your sword in front of you, as a means to protect you.

He stands back, out of respect and shock. You drew your weapon on him... something he never thought you'd do outside of a playful spar. His eyes widen at your gesture, as he puts his hands at his side.

“I am scared,” You almost whisper. He can feel his stomach drop when you mutter it, too. The one person, in all of Tevyat that shouldn’t be scared of him, just declared it right in his presence, "What am I supposed to do, Tartaglia? I mean, I don't even know your name!"

“You have no reason to be scared, you are one of the most protected citizens in this nation. Even when I’m not there, you’re still protected,” He tries to comfort you. But that didn’t work, because your eyes were blown wide at his confession. 

“What do you mean by that? Do you have people stalking me?” You yell at him, “Tartaglia I am scared of you. I was scared by what I witnessed. And I am scared of the face I saw on you last night," You spit out nervously. His heart cracks slightly, an unnerving and unfamiliar feeling.

"You enjoy it, don’t you? You enjoy stripping the lives away of others, I could tell. Honestly, Tartaglia, I would be okay with the whole Fatui thing, I would. But your face, and your smile, after killing someone? I don’t think I can–” You cut yourself off, “Please, just leave. I don’t want people watching me, so stop that too. You don’t need to come back either.”

He can’t find the words to explain himself any longer. He wants to scream that he loves you, and he never meant to keep anything from you.

But in a rare defeat, he begins to take steps backward toward the door. The entire time he gets closer to the door, he’s looking at you. He can see how a few tears escaped your eyes, and how the sword you’re holding is shaking along with your body at this point. 

“Alright Y/N,” He mutters quietly, before turning the knob and softly closing the door behind him. 

He could feel it physically, the heart he thought was no longer there, was breaking. He should’ve seen it coming, he had a few fleeting months of happiness, but all good things must come to an end for him.

⋆｡°✩a/n: this fic is actually anti—situationship propaganda >:). Thank you for reading, next chapter will be out soon!

⋆｡°✩tag list: @inlovewithlondonn @zamorazz @ay4tou @kur0melon @boomie-123 @esthelily @i-simp-for-giyuu @itsflowerdomethings @whatamidoing89 @luvrkise

[demigod-of-berk]

I was rereading Saga last night, as one does, and realized something that I have never seen anyone point out before

I don't think Squire is Prince IV's biological son

Allow me to present my case:

Let's start with genetics. Most Bluebloods we've seen have rectangular heads, especially the higher up ones

Now take Prince IV and Princess Robot

They both have very rectangular heads. Squire however does not

Now you could argue that maybe that's just how the kids are, but Prince IV had the same head shape as a child as an adult

You might could also say it's a generational thing. But the lead singer we meet in #56 who is likely not that much older than Squire, also has a rectangular head. However you could also say this is because she's not royalty

Now lets talk about timeline.

This is all assuming that blueblood pregnancies are 9 months on average***

#1 Hazel is born. Prince Robot IV seemingly has just returned the day before, or even that day from 2 years at war

Due to his trauma from being at war he has trouble orgasming. This is the only time we know of that he's had sex with his wife since coming back

#2 Hazel is 3 days old. IV is sent to planet Cleave

#4 Hazel is about a week old

#5 Princess Robot tells IV that she's pregnant

#12 Princess Robot has a very noticeable baby bump. Baby bumps of this size usually don't show until the second trimester which is 4-6 months

#13 Estimating Hazel is about 1 month old, maybe even 2 or 3 if we're being generous.

#16 Her bump already looks slightly bigger. This is still around the time frame when they are still at the lighthouse

#19 Squire is born

There was also this from #21 when IV is dreaming at Sextillion, that sort of stuck me

But if IV isn't Squire's father who is?!

Who's the only Blueblood that we've seen with a more circular head?

[lux1fer]

oopsies i forgot to show you guys the finished product of this yeah a few weeks ago the rp actually finished completely. im really happy with how this animatic came out and id definitely be willing to finish it. itd definitely take me a year at the least though this rp means the world to me. im gonna be emotional for a second sorry folks but like i havent had this much fun in a roleplay since my old warrior cat rp days- even then they were never as good as this one was. none gave me this much whimsy a thank you to @interncontinental for hosting this amazing rp. you're awesome /gen anyways, timestamps below ! this is gonna be. another wall of text.Again. so cw for text wall if ur prone to seizures caused by text. ive tried spacing the text out to help but it's probably still pretty bad, so forewarning !

0:00 ink and error (alongside many others) are trapped in this safehouse(the multiverse outside it is collapsing) which. as the name depicts. keeps them safe the safehouse has a dome surrounding it that's miles thick with concrete, metal, all that 0:13 error REALLY does not like being trapped here, so he tried breaking through the walls with his blasters 0:26 ink attempts to convince him not to (as it is against the rules to break the walls) but error doesn't listen. they have a big fight and error ends up breaking the dome's outer layer- which is what essentially lights up the entire place, and gives the illusion they're on earth. 0:51 he, alongside ink, are sent to a dungeon as punishment. (they end up making a friend there) and they use the owner of the dome's aunt to bribe him into letting everyone out. 1:17 error and the owner end up having a private discussion, in which error realizes the owner- the guy he DESPISED, was exactly like him. they both killed multiverses. they both killed people for fun. 1:22 he ends up having a fight with his own morals, before deciding he'd change for the better. 1:29 error frees the owner's aunt in exchange for the freedom of the people locked in the dungeon with him. 1:42 while he's walking out of the dungeon, he apologizes to ink for everything he's done 1:45 error walks back to his room and cries. 1:48 ink ends up pushing a chocolate bar with a note on it through the crook at the bottom of error's door the note says he forgives him. error cries again because of it. 1:51 ink and error end up hugging

1:52 eventually, ink realizes that he's run out of his lil emotion vials due to the corruption of the multiverse, which is an issue ! 1:59 due to ink's rapidly decaying health, error decides to give up half of his soul to save the guy from going kaput! this causes even more issues 2:04 nightmare- who had come to the safehouse, decides to mess with error's mind. he convinces him to get back into his old habits, under the pretense that he's weak and pathetic otherwise. error believes this. (also nightmare was redesigned by a friend of mine- her name is al! she doesnt have tumblr i dont believe though so raghh i cant ping her) 2:17 in what can only be described as a mental breakdown, error attempts to take back the half of his soul he gave to ink 2:30 error hesitates- he doesn't truly want to hurt ink, though he's not too sure why. 2:36 (its not on screen cus i couldn't fit it) error decides to capture and attempt to kill pj and gradient (who are here too!) instead, but this backfires as ink was no longer captured. ink knocks him out with his brush. 2:42 the corruption, which had been kept safely outside of the safehouse, has crept in due to corrupted individuals entering the dome. this forces everyone to escape through a previously blocked up exit the owner had built. 2:44 huge timeskip- essentially, the place they had found to live in after fleeing caught on fire, forcing everyone to run away Again! 2:46 in the new new place they had escaped to, the corruption Also arrived! the location was a cloud castle that floated above an ocean. which was quickly corrupting. the castle collapses, and floods with corrupted water. this scene needs a LOT of context-- the bandaged character by the name of blaze (owned by @teyvawni by the way go check out his stuff) arrived to the safehouse a while ago, with his brother following suit. said brother was corrupted. fresh, paperjam, and gradient were nearby when they arrived, and upon seeing the corrupted individual, fresh decided to commit Murder! this obviously upsets blaze, and he ends up killing both fresh AND pj and gradient- pj and gradient's death being present here. ink is watching 2:47 hinto, who is one of, if not the only friend error made in this roleplay ends up getting brutally murdered. this scene depicts him dying in error's embrace (you will see these two a lot whenever i draw this rp. i love them so much) 2:49 after the cloud castle collapses, they escape to what is essentially just error's void except everything is fluffy everyone present was given a choice- the universe was resetting, as the corruption had completely taken over Everything. including universes seperate from utau. you either stay awake for the 3 trillion years it took to completely reset the entire universe, or you sleep. considering error's friend was now a ghost and he didnt want to waste this time sleeping without spending time with his best friend, he chooses to stay awake for the entire 3 trillion years. 2:51 after those 3 trillion years, error is reasonably Exhausted. everyone else is exploring this new place they arrived in, while he is simply sitting in the corner and observing. he can only really stand speaking with hinto as he watches everyone else bicker and do whatever. 2:52 after error Brutally murders the person who killed hinto (this is not included in the animatic), error, ink, and dream are speaking to eachother in a nearby bamboo forest. nightmare interrupts and attacks ink with dust tagging along. big fight occurs, error and ink are mortally wounded, and are probably hashtag Screwed! 2:56 in a last ditch effort to save the people he cares about, error decides to sacrifice the half of his soul still left to save ink from dying.

soo Yeah! thats it! if this gets like. 20 notes im gunna make a comic based off of this. this isnt to incentivize people to like or reblog (Though that would be pretty swag of you ,, flutters my eyelashes) i just want an excuse :3 ill probably do it either way. eventually

[goodlucktai]

tagged by @bobtheacorn like...... 3 weeks ago 😭 my bad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

283

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,353,670

which seems.......excessive

3. What fandoms do you write for?

actively, one piece and tmnt, but that is ruled by the demons in my brain that control the hyperfixation machine.

fandoms ive posted 3 or more fics for:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends Good Omens Final Fantasy XV Undertale Mumintroll | Moomins Series Harry Potter Young Justice 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia 陈情令 | The Untamed King Falls AM Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rise of the Guardians Voltron: Legendary Defender

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Exclusivity - 11,116

walk straight through hell with a smile - 9,152

Inanition - 9,039

there is thunder in our hearts - 8,161

trouble is a friend of mine - 7,842

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try to but i can't always :'( and i feel terrible if i manage to reply to most and then forget someone and only realize it months later. but i read every single comment and i appreciate them more than i have words for

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i tend to veer away from angst, but off the top of my head....

where the good men go or if i go i'm going on fire

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have a happy ending because thats my BRAND but i suppose give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around or the weekend we were in love OR put your empty hands in mine

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not often, but i recently had someone who REALLY disliked the way things change because i 'villainized' raph. which is definitely news to me, since raphael is the love of my life

9. Do you write smut?

nope

10. Craziest crossover?

i wrote a tmnt/one piece crossover once ? but now that we are actually getting a tmnt/naruto idw run it doesnt feel that weird to me anymore

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

only once if i'm remembering right ?? it was a long time ago and wattpad related, which is a site that i dont really understand and therefore tend to avoid

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes ! i'll often have people request to translate my stories and it blows me away every time

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Devil took your hand was written by myself and @moogsthewriter

14. All time favourite ship?

ineffable husbands, wangxian, or leosagi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

how much time do you have 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

i want to say characterization and narrative voice. i'm also pretty good at maintaining a throughline, even if it sometimes gets a little wobbly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict ! i hate it ! i will avoid writing it at all costs ! i also tend to struggle with writing fight scenes, especially when there are several characters involved :') staging any kind of choreography is my opp

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i try not to but if it feels unavoidable i google the heck out of it

19. First fandom you wrote in?

honestly it was either digimon (which also inspired my og penname) or xiaolin showdown lol

20. Favourite fic you've written?

i'm stealing bob's idea and going top 5:

there is thunder in our hearts - this story came together so easily for me, like i knew exactly how i wanted to tell it from start to finish

the only hoax i believe in - a kfam fic in my top 5s why yes and i'll tell you why. because i poured so much of myself into this fic that they could probably read it at my funeral instead of a eulogy

traveling so far to get there - after party au raph and mikey continue to take up so much real estate in my brain and for what

now the darkness comes alive - this one is more recent but im so happy with the way it turned out :')

if we could stay all day in the sun - it was a lot of fun reimagining one of my favorite fairy tales and doing a bunch of unnecessary research for this story i will stand by it until the day i die !!

i'm tagging @mykimouser, @owletstarlet, @portgas-d-aroace, @mad4turtles, @camsthisky, @remedyturtles, @pickledcarrotsandradish, @swordsmans, @mangogreent, and anyone else who wants to !

[our-aroace-experience]

ive been experimenting with my identity since i was 12 years old. its taken me about 3 years to realize that “oh, i might be aro. thats why i have little to no interest in relationships.”

ive always dismissed it because i had, for maybe a week, a crush on my irl best friend. it was gone the next week. soon after i looked into the arospike label, but decided against it and ignored the possibility of me being aro. shortly after i turned 15, i realized i was cupioromantic, and shortly after that added arofucked to my list of labels. ive been considering adding arospike as well, but my crush on my bestie was a one-time thing.

oh and also when i was younger one of my online friends admitted to having a crush on me and i was absolutely DISGUSTED at the concept. part of it was the age gap (they were like 10 and i was 12 nearing 13 fucking years old) part of it was the idea of being IN a romantic relationship in the first place. i ended up cutting them off for that and shortly after i realized they were straight-up manipulating me so i guess the cutting off was better for me overall.

my identity is an enigma to me. yeah i want a romantic relationship but no i dont at the same time. i like physical touch but if it can be taken in a romantic way thats icky. yes i will hold your hand with a romantic context if im close enough to you. i dont know whats going on with my brain chemicals and im too scared to figure it out.

however, even if i dont have the label right, i know for a fact that im somewhere on the aro spectrum. and honestly? i dont think i need to know more than that. could i be demiromantic? sure! i dont care! im happy just classifying myself as on the spectrum, thank you very much!

anyways yeah thats my journey with my aro identity youre welcome

just sticking with arospec is totally fine!

[hiroshotreplica]

im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop

anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though

i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.

i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so

i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.

i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.

but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.

no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.

the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.

could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.

i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

how did it take me so long to start calling myself aromantic/arospec. like now that ive actually started using the term for myself its so crazy to me that i wasnt using this term since the first time i heard about it. i literally remember like almost a year ago being like "i wish i could just call myself aromantic itd just be a way easier way to explain to people the sort of relationships i want since im interested in sex and really close friendships but not really interested in traditional romantic relationships right now" like my brother you CAN?? jesus fuck. like this thought came aftera series of relationships where i would tell my friends that i had a crush on someone, then the relationship progressed in someway, then i got the sense that the person i was interested in had romantic feelings for me and id get this weird horrible feeling and would run away. and i was literally like "what is this whats going on". i was like woah this must be like.... commitment issues or something. like i was going around telling people that. i was getting over commitment issues that were surely temporary. but they werent asking me to commit to anything they just had feelings for me that i couldnt reciprocate bcz i was just attracted to them and wanted to me friends with them and i thought thats what romantic attraction was. i literally remember telling someone abt someone i liked an they were like "why dont u ask them out?" an my answer was just that i was trying to find reasons not to and i couldnt. cuz i was attracted to them and liked spending time with them and liked being their friend but i was so so happy not being in a romantic relationship anymore and i couldnt shake the feeling that if i got into another one even with the perfect person it was literally gonna ruin my life and i would have to pretend to have feelings that i didnt have.

idk im frustrated that i hadnt considered it sooner but its also kinda exciting to discover something abt urself an ur sexuality. like this label brings me the same joy that other labels that ive discovered fit me do like i feel like how i felt when i came to terms w being trans an being bisexual. i feel like im 13 again finding trans and bisexual youtubers and being like "??? there are others?" like ppl dont talk abut it as much w being aro and ace bcz those are defined by the absence of a feeling rather than the presence of one but it really can be just as exciting to find out that you're aro or ace as it can be to discover that you're a lesbian or gay or transgender or something.

like not to be cheesy but discovering that i could just. have friends and also have sex made everything kinda click in my head for me. like literally i felt like a more complete person. experiencing that and realizing like. oh. this is amazing this is literally all i want like nothing is missing. i literally just dont have to do romance stuff like no ones making me do that why did i think i have to do that. like oh my god this is such a good feeling i really can do whatever i want forever.

this post doesnt rly have a point exactly i just kinda have a lot of feelings to get out. i love you aromantic ppl i love being aromantic it fucking rules actually. every aromantic person whos posted abt their experience an helped me get comfortable w the label i owe u a hundred billion dollars jesus christ i love you guys

[peachesofteal]

RAAAAAAAAH CHAPTER 13 BRO!!!!!

as always, i read it like a rabid animal, and then reread the prev 4 chapters and then reread this again HAHA

your work ages like fine wine, and i read and treasure every word of it, especially on rereads when i can make myself slow down to really take it all in <3

"He takes it all away. Every time." made me WEEP!!!!! its what she DESERVES!!!! the dependability and the escape into him and simon (simon takes charge obvs, but johnny is just as much an outlet. sweet sweet boy)

i think he also realizes that she's seeing it as escapism and starts to fall away a bit, bc of how he stops her and asks to check in. it makes me curious abt his and simon's early relationship, if he's recognizing the same pattern of behavior and comparing them.

going on with that, when she was showing them her scars, AUUUUUUGH. that hit so hard man. the “No but… they’re hideous.”

“No.” Simon croaks, voice thick. “There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t perfect.”

SIMOOOOOOOON he sees so much of himself in her. its gotta be heartbreaking, knowing she's where he used to be. he gets it fr. i cant imagine two people more suited for her, someone who's been where she is and got out, and the person who's helped get that someone out of that pit. fuck dude. you're so good at this HAHAHA

im not gonna say nothin abt the good girl stuff…. but heehee!

also also "I'm not a little human nurse" made me laugh so hard LMAO pure arizona from grey's. ive been watching it lately (started right before you started posting simple math actually) reading the hospital bits of SM, you do a really good job of capturing the same energy and stakes and work dynamics that you get watching grey's. im honestly still waiting for the other shoe to drop on the stupid attending marshall, there's always something that a shitty attending can mess up down the road lmao

the ending on this chap killed me though. they knew she was flighty, and that she's smart and capable, but its gotta be so hard to get the relief of her coming back after the day out without answering the phone, only to find the papers the next morning. in bunny's defense though, she mentioned in chapters before moving in (i think before graves hurt her?) with them that she had to start looking at outs, and these papers aren't a 2-day turnaround; she probably bought them weeks ago and only now picked them up. i could be wrong though! i think its unfortunate timing, but she also probably just wants the relief knowing that she's got the backup plan accessible. as much as she loves the boys and penny, she's still not used to having the dependability. the safety scares her, or at least gives her the idea of a false sense of security, since she's been on edge for so so long.

i give her big smooch. poor bun. poor boys, and poor penny. manifesting the worst for graves, truly, rot in hell you idiot american

i hope you're feeling better, its lovely to read your works but even better when you're doing well yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I loved reading this! I adore you.

I love how you noticed that Johnny does stop to check in. He has a very firm grip on her mental and emotional state, (it’s not his first rodeo) and he knows just how to bring her back.

The two of them + Bunny is really a dream come true even if she doesn’t realize it yet (they do) and it will take a lot of time and work on everyone’s part.

I think your notes in your last paragraph are pretty spot on, too. Bunny will talk about it more in the next two chapters but- getting a new identity is not a two day turnaround.

Also yeah, I was channeling Arizona with that line 💀 I was hoping someone would catch it!

10/10 I love your breakdowns, no notes, perfection, they always make me smile.

[rosepetalkitty]

Oh also just because I love watching you infodump about stuff and equally love learning more about people: 11, 13, 15, 16, 19, 21, 22, 26, 33, 36, 38, 39, 40, 41, 44 :)

link to the questions so you can follow along

11: @mnmurmur

13: if you mean kinks, hypnosis and pet play probably but the latter kinda fluctuates. if you mean "things people can do to fluster me", putting a finger to my lips and shushing me or trapping me (like pinned against a wall for example) and forcing me to listen while you mess with my brain

15: a really close call between the first four pirates of the caribbean movies (didn't like the direction dmtnt tried to take things), but i think i have to go with dead man's chest

16: you respect my boundaries, give good aftercare and don't expect dominance from me, even if i get to show it sometimes.

19: i take notes about people! i don't think that's weird though tbh. i have "people cards" in my pkms to keep track of birthdays, who's taller than who, which people are in relationships with each other, etc. and it makes keeping up with social interactions wayyyy easier for me.

21: ooh that's tough... probably the fact that im good at comforting people when they're scared/anxious. or at least im pretty sure that's the case...

22: well, career wise im going into systems administration, but also i wanna pass as a woman, i wanna be fully able to support myself financially, i wanna make more friends who i can actually hang out with instead of just people who come to me for help on coding assignments, and i wanna get more comfortable being at parties and stuff because i love social interaction and just kinda don't know how to get into situations where that happens. sorry for this one being so long lmfao

26: people telling me to do things im already trying to do oh my god it drives me insane. yes, mom, i am actually capable of remembering to do the thing i just told you i was frustrated at the difficulty doing. "well, make sure you do x" is not a helpful response to "im trying to do x and it's a pain"

33: being told im pretty is nice but like honestly, being told that people actually enjoy interacting with me is my favorite compliment because i have a lot of self doubt around that.

36: somewhere urban and walkable, but not stupidly silly expensive. alternatively, puerto rico, see also 41.

38: at first i wanted to be a marine biologist (i really liked dolphins) but then i realized i didn't really like biology, so i decided i was gonna build robots and found out i didn't like all the math involved, and then when i was like. 11? i settled on coding and that evolved into systems administration by the time i was in high school. now it's my major in uni!

39: cookie dough. although i would enjoy it just as much without the ice cream part (i loooove raw cookie dough, some brands make cookie dough that's safe to eat raw and it's everything to me), so i guess uhhhhh tough call between mint and coconut

40: i wish i passed, i wish i was shorter, i wish i had a job, i wish i didn't have anxiety and depression and all the various executive functioning issues, i wish i was the kind of person people would invite to parties, and i wish all the trauma ive collected from my childhood hadn't made a lot of the things i want to enjoy terrifying to me.

41: god, honestly i wish i could move to puerto rico (where my dad is from) because it's a beautiful place and im really emotionally connected to it. i haven't been to the island since i was a kid and i just want to go back :(

44: as of somewhat recently i am an ordained minister. the church of the flying spaghetti monster will ordain you for $60 online, and i can legally marry people as long as i'm dressed as a pirate in (i think?) most states (pennsylvania can't take a joke but afaik the rest won't stop me). i did this on a whim and myrrh and i have agreed that it's probably the best $60 i've spent to date.

[pikasetism]

hi, if this doesn't bother you, what are your pikase headcanons?

do you have au with them?

also i love the blog idea, it's so cute have a place were the pikase fans can talk about them 💖

hiiiii anon i did not realize how much i would have to say about this ive been writing this reply for hours sorry long post inkoming lmfao

my funny little general headcanons can fluctuate for whatever i wanna do but the solid ones are that fukase is disabled and does tech support and piko is a robot and does a lot of programming stuff, they join forces to build silly little robots together and theyre always looking out for each other

more random ones are stuff like the height i draw fukase with fluctuates but hes never taller than piko, both of them are some flavor of transgender (i personally like unlabeled piko and intersex fukase), piko is mikis sibling and shes dating miku append, both of them are robots and id love to draw a double date at some point, i dont really have any mikippend headcanons but i love them sm too omg and i like to draw piko with funny little hologram windows he can acess the internet from and i think thats just kind of a robot thing robots can do :]

the only thing i can consider an au that i have with them is what i call "memesquad from the mirror dimension" or "seriousquad" which is this note on my phone where i wrote every single personality trait i could think of from talkloids i saw around 2018-2020 and reversed them heres what i wrote for fukase and piko

also AWWW TYYY thats so sweet yeaaaaaaah shipping vocaloids is all fun and games until you realize that unless your otp is from crypton you cant find SHIT about them, id love to have my blog seen as a little hub where all of us can sit around a campfire and chat about our silly ship omg 🥺

pikase being a rarepair baffles me specifically because of the memesquad, idk why but at least on my time on that side of the fandom some years ago it was always super hard to find any pikase stuff which always confused me since they're both In The Deam Memesquad. PERFECTLY good gay couple in there guys. why does no one see the vision. i vividly remember this one time i was like 13 reading a crack ask fic on wattpad and the only time pikase was even hinted at it was played off as a complete Joke and it made me so upset lmao

i only have around 40 followers here but it makes me so happy to see so many people that share my love for this ship, the rarepairness of it always made me feel so alone, back when i only used twitter there was 1 artist that Sometimes posted pikase stuff and that was all i had, genuenly i am willing to bet that im currently one of the only active pikase artist out there lmao, i say this in my bio but i made this blog to just get me to draw them more and be more shameless about MY FUCKING OTP and i genuenly never expected to see more than like 5 people on my notes, even if someone just silently likes and reblogs a drawing with no comment attached it still always makes me so warm inside even, ive gotten at least 2 people saying "OH MY GOD AN ACTIVE PIKASE BLOG" on my notes and i share the sentiment deeply. hell yeah. theres more of us out there >:D