#that creature is so fucking uncanny i’m so so obsessed with it

[unknownarmageddon]

EPISODE THREE??????????

so i’m finally watching the amazing digital circus

[stealingyourbones]

I’m OBSESSED with the idea of ghosts purring and hissing and playfighting. Ghosts are just cats. So it follows that ghosts also floof up their hair to look more intimidating when they’re startled. Slitted pupils that dilate before a fight. The uncanny ability to OOZE out of the way of people touching them. Zoomies at midnight. Irresistible urges to knock fragile things from high places. Yeah, Danny’s lifetime ban on handling Casper High glassware might actually be… somewhat justified.

oh i too absolutely adore funky inhuman trill and click ghost communication. in addition, Phantom has paw like hands with claws. Homie can and will stab the shit out of people that try to attack his friends or mess with his territory. DPxDC thing: If you've seen videos of zookeepers like gently hold the hand of a big cat and they're so very chill with it, that's the vibe. A Big Dangerous Fella is letting you hold their hand and check out their built in knives? they trust you completely. Imagine a batfam feller just casually inspecting Phantom's hands while every instinct in them is like "this is a big Fuck Off I Can Kill You creature." and also the human urge to bond with creatures that look cute and are pettable.

[dross-the-fish]

Okay I don’t know if this has been asked before so I’m sorry if it has BUT. What would the crew + Griffin and Dorian look like slash act like under the effects of the Hyde potion……. I’m Curious

Hasn't been asked before, and that's a really good question tbh. They way I have the hyde potion work is that it brings out not necessarily a "worst self" but rather a twisted version of who the drinker wants to be or who they think they are deep down. Griffin's invisibility would become less literal and more in line with shapeshifting. he can take any appearance or form except his original one and if he fucks up in an old skin he'll just put on a new face. This will cause him to spiral and possibly even forget who Griffin was, he just endlessly becomes new people and finds that he is now everyone and no one. His sense of identity would shatter.

Dorian would become almost doll like, beautiful and horrifying, his skin is too flawless, his eyes are to radiant. It falls into a creepy uncanny valley effect as his face looks almost mask like yet anyone who is in close proximity becomes dazzled by him. Under the influence of the potion he mutilates the faces anyone he sees who might be a threat to his beauty. If he was cruel before he is horrific now. Watson would become a fanatic obsessed with justice, almost a crusader of sorts as he loses the part of him that is humble or empathetic under the influence of the potion. He'd be younger and stronger but all of his softness would be gone. I imagine he'd look larger and more square as this is already a major part of his personality, it's just been amplified and all the temperance removed. Quincey would be similar to Edward, small, hairy and dwarfish but he's not inherently cruel, he'd be more playful and impish. Quincey is at an age where he's expected to act like and adult so in daily life he tends to act mature and take the high road. With his new persona he'd sneak into movies, go to bars and forget about his responsibilities or the impending weight of picking a career and settling into adult life.

Larry would also find himself more energetic and talkative, he'd be confident, almost to the point of arrogance and give in to kleptomaniac urges. If he sees what he wants he'll steal it. I see his "hyde" form being lanky and crooked with elongated limbs. Selma would become a monster. She'd become the things she's hunted all her life and all of the rage and despair she's forced herself to shelve would twist her into a hateful thing that didn't even look human anymore because she feels deep down that her humanity was stripped from her a long time ago. She'd be massive and terrible to look at. Theo would become smaller. She'd become a fragile and lost little creature that can't stop crying because deep down she's fearful that there's nothing left of her anymore except dregs that can't be loved by anyone. She'd be repulsive to look at but she'd beg and cling to anyone who got near her not to leave her.

Erik would become ordinary. He would not be a genius, not gifted with music, not possessing of a horrifying temper or visage just an average man who could go out to the park and sit and watch birds and maybe have a conversation with some strangers. He wouldn't even notice that he doesn't remember how to play a violin. It would scare him how happy it makes him to be "just Erik," with nothing else to him. Adam would become physically attractive but obsessive and shallow. He'd look like the version of himself Victor had wanted to create and he'd even call his inverse "Victor" because there's still something in him that needs some part of Victor to still be alive. Even if it's only because Adam refuses to bury him and let him rest. He'd indulge himself in all the things he could never have as Adam but rather than making him happy he'd still find he resents "Victor" for having what "Adam" cannot. When he's "Victor" he feels disdain for "Adam" and when he's Adam he is jealous of "Victor"

[crazylittlejester]

Okay Jes, so, I took a poll a while back to figure out what Sky should be for the monster AU. He’s a Changeling now. Basically, a fairy-or maybe some other creature who knows-swapped him out with a regular Hylian when he was very young. Maybe the original Link and his family died in an accident or something, and Sky was left if his original’s place. What if one of the Golden Goddesses did it, OH what if his Loftwing did it! That’s why they connected so easily, the Loftwing was tasked by the goddess or something to leave Sky on Skyloft and stuff idk I’m making this up as I go.

Anyways, changeling lore(screenshot from Wikipedia)

Sky is shorter than some of the other Links(he’s like in the middleish of height), he’s like 5’3 but he’s shorter than a good chunk of other Skyloftians(I think it’s been a while). He can also have those sharp, almost shark-like teeth, they can be a bit long and pointy, as a treat. Also, uncanny insight? Like a speed runner would have? Sorry, I’m a bit nonsensical right now, anyhow Sky, displaying unusual behavior? Yeah, I can see that. Mf jumped on a chandelier and that’s not even the weirdest thing he’s done.

Sky didn’t realize he was a Changeling until Impa(I don’t know if old or young Impa would be better tbh) told him he was. He did not take that well, he knew he was weird, that he was different from everybody else, but he didn’t think he wasn’t even one of them. By the time LU happened, he’s more okay about his state of being, but he still thinks of himself as a Hylian first, monster second.

I think that when Sky first meets Wars, he tries to be like “hello fellow Hylian! I am normal like you, do not worry!” But Wars, being a human, is able to detect monsters easier than most hylians would. Also he’s spent a lot of time with fairies, and Changelings are intrinsically fae-like, so Wars just looks him dead in the eye and says “I know what you are.” He doesn’t, he has a clue but he knows that Sky isn’t Hylian and does not want to deal with that right now. Sky thinks they already have bad blood between them, but they don’t, Wars is just tired of the everything.

Anyways, that’s enough of that semi-coherent rambling, hope you have a great rest of your day!

IM OBSESSED WITH THIS IM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS OH MY GOD EATING IT I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH

also i saw the “i know what you are” and I have no idea if you meant Wars would say it in a homophobic dog kinda way or a kobeni losing her fucking shit kinda way and my brain combined them into something so cursed and so fucking funny i spent the past four minutes in tears gasping for fucking air

i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day as well!! :)

[dairy-farmer]

Cannot stop thinking abt that earth 3 Tim scenario. Somehow got it into my head this idea of Thomas being creepily *enamoured* with Tim. Like, he’s a terrible, amoral, sadistic bastard, and he sees Tim and he just wants to wrap him up in blankets and make love to him and have him call him daddy and depend on him for everything. Like, this fucked up attachment based partially on the fact that he doesn’t really have anything in his life to be affectionate or soft or caring towards, so he vents all of these feelings on a terrified teenager he kidnapped.

He’s just.....incredibly delusional. There’s nothing scarier than the worst monster you know suddenly being *nice*. It’s like the uncanny valley taken to the extreme.

I think Thomas kind of extends his delusions over time, his own god complex and title as lord of the owls leading him to believe that this is fate, that Tim was a gift made for him to possess, his precious baby bird. Anytime Tim rejects him or tries to escape or just breaks down and *sobs*, it’s just a bump in the road, like talon while he was still dick, undergoing his training.

It’s entirely eerie, how he isn’t even angry with Tim, he’ll just *smile*, and slip a needle gently in his neck, and when Tim wakes up he’s in a soft, dark room chained on each of his wrists and ankles to the wall.

So he can’t hurt himself, owlman tells him, with a soft, affectionate expression that’s infinitely more terrifying than the prospect of being tortured. To Thomas, he’s a troubled boy who’s been corrupted by outside forces. It’s not his fault, that he can’t just accept being loved, and allow himself to adore Thomas in return.

Esp with talon......Tim is of course being used as a reward for when talon does well. If talon does well, he gets to spend some *supervised* time with Timmy, and if he fails....well, the usual torture, and Thomas gets to have Tim all to himself like usual.

Tim doesn’t really mind talon, even maybe likes him a little, because he’s desperate to believe that beneath the creepy pale skin and yellow eyes, he’s just dick Grayson, as scared and alone as Tim is. Talon has no real sense of consent, yes, but he’s always gentle, desperate to account for Tim’s perceived needs and more obsessively loving than *forceful*.

I’m thinking of Thomas finally allowing talon to have sex with Tim, and him coaching him through it, ordering him where to place his hands, how to kiss him, reminding him to be gentle like he would need to be reminded. Like talon is just a puppet that Thomas is using to fuck Tim.

The worst part is, Thomas, as delusional as it is, views talon’s interactions with Tim as a necessary and unfortunate sacrifice. Leaving his sweet Tim to interact with that cold, unfeeling creature he’s created— the whole time, he has Tim’s head in his lap, is stroking his hair, comforting him, that daddy’s here, he won’t let talon hurt him, just close his eyes— when that’s exactly what Tim is trying to forget.

In Thomas’s eyes, when it’s all over, and he takes Tim away to his soft, securely locked room, he’s rescuing him. Tim’s wet eyes are from fear of talon, and his tight grip is a desperate plea for comfort for his savior and protector, not just an attempt to avoid being dropped onto his atrophied limbs.

Shakily, Tim dares to ask when he will see talon next, as Thomas gently rubs his ankles and locks the padded-cuffs in place.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he assures him, “he’s on a mission for the next month. It’ll just be you and me, Timmy and Daddy.”

When Tim’s throat chokes up in terror, Thomas gently rubs his back and mistakes it for relief.

!!!!!!!!! I love this so much!!!!! it's written so well, just the way that you can feel this tension and suspense in how thomas is absolutely misunderstanding (either purposefully or because he's just THAT delusional) tim's actions!

thomas is like the emotional reliance and dependence that bruce has on tim taken to the maximum level. he believes that tim is meant to provide these things to him: his love, his compassion, his body- all are things that tim willingly handed over to bruce but thomas takes them all while under this belief that, in reality, tim wants thomas to have them!!

thomas is so unlike other characters because he's a threat, a threat to tim's body and person but not in a "violent" manner. i mean that in the way that thomas isn't going to smack tim or hurt him like he's expecting. thomas's approach, while intentional or not, is so deeply psychological and i can definitly see tim trying to fight stockhold syndrome from taking hold. because thomas is gentle with him, caresses him, speaks softly to him and tim knows that's not what he's like normally.

that's not what he's like naturally. tim sees the scars on talon's body, sees the blankness of his stare. when thomas starts carrying tim around with him he sees how people recoil from him. there's fear in their expressions, terror in their bodies. people are petrified of thomas wayne which means tim wil find absolutely no help outside the manor.

he's stuck.

unless someone comes to save him.

tim's never been much a damsal. bruce always taught him, stressed to him that he should do everything in his power to save himself because though bruce will always try- there is always the chance that help will not arrive in time.

tim doesn't pray often. he's not religious. it's hard to be when you've lost as much as he has. but as he lays in thomas's arms, pussy pulsing with a deep ache and hot cum dripping out of him- he hopes someone will come soon.

talon will not return for several weeks.

thomas is nuzzling tim's cheek and making low murmurs about how nice and soft tim is, how sweet he tastes, how his pussy fit around his cock so well-

tim's arms and legs are tied to each poster of the bed, they're wrapped tightly in a spongy material so even if tim gets them out he doesn't have a chance of hurting owlman or himself.

which was probably the plan.

thomas touches tim every moment he can. his hands stroke down tim's sides and tickle his limbs. it sends shivers down tim's spine.

not the good kind.

thomas whispers in tim's ears about how much he adores him, how he can't believe that it took this long for thomas to find him.

as he talks he doesn't blink, he stares at tim with this...this hungry devouring look like he's a second away from leaning down and taking a bite out of tim's cheek.

it....scares tim. it scares tim in a way the joker, scarecrow, or ra's never did.

tim whimpers as thomas gets hard again and immediatly thrusts into tim's damnably wet and stretched pussy. tim closes his eyes and tries to imagine talon, his sweet dick that he could still tell was tucked deep inside, hidden away to protect the last bit of goodness there was in him.

he fucked tim so gently, stopping to check on him and careful. this dick didn't know how to show love, tender care, or affection through hugs or kisses. fucking was the only way he knew to comfort himself or to make himself feel good, and he'd wanted to make tim feel good even though tim couldn't help but feel guilty.

talon basically had the mind of a child with how undeveloped he was. it's why he clung to tim's gentle touch, warm hands, and soft voice. tim is the softest thing he's had in years.

but he didn't understand what he was doing. not really.

thomas, on the other hand. did.

he fully knew what he was doing. he knew tim was a child and he still touched him.

tim tried to weigh it out in his mind when he realized thomas wasn't going to torture him to death. he tried to reason whether this was any better.

tim could feel himself slipping a bit. leaning into the touch of thomas when he was reminded of scared he was.

because tim was terrified. he was all alone, in a different universe, no one had his back, there was a possibility no one was coming for him at all.

and when tim wept, he'd feel a warm hand cupping his cheek. and it was so familiar. big, calloused, gentle.

they felt like bruce's hands and tim's cries would quiet and he'd look up only to be greeted by the sight of a softly smiling thomas wayne jr.

tim hoped his family was looking into his disappearance. he hoped they wouldn't give him "space" after the most recent falling out they'd had. they had to know that even at his angriest tim wouldn't just up and disappear.

he'd promised dick, swore to him that he'd never do that again.

tim felt warmth spill inside him and tried to fight back the twitching and horrible pleasure that went through him as finger roughly pinched his clit.

tim can't even manage the strength to tug on the chains anymore. he lost circulation in his hands and feet months ago. the muscles in his biceps and thighs had long withered away leaving behind trembling, thin limbs.

"oh timmy," thomas groaned, grinding into tim's soft walls, "oh timmy, oh timmy, yes baby-"

tim closed his eyes and imagined that is was dick tenderly fucking him, blood still on the claws of his suit as he softly fucked him and spilled into his womb.

he hoped the baby was his, how he hoped it wasn't thomas's even though the timeline was off. thomas caressed tim's growing belly, a reverent look on his face.

"you look so pretty timmy. baby brucie's not giving you any trouble, right?"

thomas pressed a kiss to tim's trembling mouth and laid down on him, soft cock still inside.

tim breathed through his nose and imagined it was dick on him.

he imaged a wormhole or boom tube opening up beside the bed and bruce coming out to save him.

tim didn't even realize he was whimpering until thomas hushed him again.

"it's okay, timmy. daddy's here, it's okay don't cry."

tim's low whisper's of 'dad, dad, dad, dad' were answered.

but tim just cried harder.

[jennikkugoesoff]

Monster

((Hi! I did this drabble to start feeling out some character personalities!))

((cw: Descriptions of Gore/Cannibalism, don’t worry nobody gets hurt, Light Horror, Lemon Demon’s in this, take with that what you will.))

"Keep looking. They've gotta be around here somewhere." Well, this had gone about as well as he'd expected. They were gone. Why had he agreed to help babysit the two most mischievous kids in town, did he really want to see her that much? Then again, this did sort of snowball into something bigger than he'd have liked. BF rolls his eyes and deeply sighs as he closes the bottom cupboards of the abandoned kitchen of the abandoned house. "They aren't here! I don't know where they could've gone, they just up and vanished!" he complains, adjusting his now-askew cap.

"They could've maybe just gone home. They're fairly independent for their age after all, and it's not like we're far from Lila's." GF suggested, peering into the kitchen from the open doorway. "They do know the neighborhood fairly well--" "Oh don't remind me, about once a week they come up to my apartment asking for candy." BF complains as he strains up to try and reach the top cupboards, just a little too short to reach them. "I-I've, had to start buying crappy candy regularly just to get them to fuck off." he sighs with a grunt, stretching his arms to their limits. GF chuckles as she walks up beside him and opens the cabinets for him, peering into them with him. "See, that's the ticket to this. You have to think like they do. Think about being a little kid obsessed with Halloween, where would you be hiding? They're probably snickering somewhere because we aren't coming up with the 'brilliant' hiding spot they have." she proposes, closing the cabinet after taking a good, long look. BF groans and rolls his eyes again, running a hand through his hair as he leans up against the kitchen's counter. "This is stupid. Why did we come here." he complains. "I mean, it was your idea, and I told you it was a bad idea." GF mentions. "Well you- should've- I-" BF defends, getting red in the face, before huffing and relaxing harder against the counter. "...Hey, don't worry. I can tell you're just worried about the kids. I didn't mean to drill you or anything. It'll be ok, we'll find them, ok?" she assures. "I hope so. I just--" BF's sentence was cut off by a sudden scream as he lurches forwards and starts patting himself off frantically, shaking himself off to reveal a roach skittering away after he'd knocked it off of the back of his arm. GF held her breath, but sighed with relief once she had realized what was going on, and, she couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. BF got even redder in the face. "Don't LAUGH at me!" he shouted. "What if that had been you?!" he whined angrily, his voice pitching and cracking. GF only laughed a bit harder. "I-, I mean...." she managed to get out. "I--" she tried to get out again, giggling it off. "I'm sorry, just, with how you screamed, I would've thought you'd seen a monster, and just--" CRUNCH.

The two young adults pause, and look off towards the source of the sound. "What was that?" BF asked. "...It, sounded kinda like-" CRUNCH. By this time, the gentle rain outside had turned harsh, the wind blowing scraped the overgrown branches against the windows. "...U-uh, kids?..." BF called out into the hallway where the sound had come from. ... Only silence. "Welp. I've heard enough, let's go." BF said, walking away. "Hold it there, sag-pants. You're not going anywhere until we find the kids." GF declines, grabbing her boyfriend by the back of his shirt and pulling him back. "Did you not hear that fucking inhuman crunch just now? It's probably EATEN the kids already!" he complained. "That's probably what we're hearing, the critch-crunch of their bones! Now let's not be horror movie white people and let's GO!--" he protests, trying to walk away again. "And what are we gonna tell Lila?" GF asks. "Oh, sorry, we left the kids in an abandoned house because we heard crunchy sounds that may or may not be a stranger, Skid and Pump are probably dead but at least we're still here!" she mocks with a faux-deep voice. "That ain't no stranger! That's a fucking monster!" BF protests, pointing off towards the living room. "Ok, look. If you're gonna be this much of a pussy bitch about it, I'll go and find the kids. You stay here in the living room." GF bites back, in a stern tone as she walks off. "Wait!--" BF says, stepping out into the living room, but it was too late. She'd already left. BF sighs to himself as she leaves. Well, this was a disaster. He'd put kids in danger and made GF mad at him. Or at least, it seemed that way. He hung his shoulders and put his hand on his forehead. He'd gone from starting to regret this to full on just regretting it. They were gonna be so disappointed in him, and even worse, they may have just proven how irresponsible they really were by hurting someone else's kids. Well, actually, someone else's kid and also another someone else's kid, but in a way, that was even worse. Actually no, scratch that, it was worse. Maybe though, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe they were just heated in the moment and everything would be ok. Maybe she'd come back with the kids in just a minute. ...Yeah! Maybe he could explain all this. Explain himself. It'd be the right thing to do after all. He owed her an apology anyway after all. That was sort of a shitty little bout he had just now-- drip. Something hits BF on the shoulder. It felt like a rain drop, but it was warm. Surely it was just the pipes, right? This... house was like a bajillion years old, please just let it be the pipes. BF looks up slowly, white in the face. ... That's not a pipe. BF's eyes meet with another pair. These are cetainly not human eyes though, instead, they were large, bulbous and shining in the dark, but had large, void-like pupils that stared right through the human. BF doesn't scream. He doesn't move, he's frozen to his spot, all that escaped him is a broken breath of fear. The pair of eyes, keeping focus on him, moves slowly and methodically to the nearest wall, before a black, clawed hand begins pulling the shape of the figure down the wall. The head the eyes were socketed into was elongated, wrinkled and bright yellow, like a lemon. ...Actually, it was a lemon. Another clawed hand revealed that the ghastly form was crawling down the wall, like a spider, a disgusting chittering sound coming from it as it moved, although it was unclear whether it was making the sound or just it moving was. BF just began to sweat more and more as more of this horrible thing came into view. It had a long, skeletal body, yet velvety, jet-black skin that just barely draped across it's form, it's joints audibly popping and cracking as it moved. "Whaaat the... fuu...." the human trails, as this thing stood up. Well, kind of. It was too tall to stand at it's full height in the room, so instead, it bent over where it reached the ceiling. Most disturbing of all though. It could speak. And it does, as it leers down at him, smiling wide to reveal a mouth full of large, slightly yellowed human teeth that sat crooked in it's dark maw. "Well, well, well, what have we got here?" it asks, in a gentle, uncomfortably soothing male voice. "You're a long ways from home, aren't you, little human?" he- it, said. "W-what-- who, are... you?..." BF stumbled, taking several steps back as this thing slinked up to him like a snake, pinning him back against the wall. "Me?" the figure asked, almost curiously. "I go by a few different ones." he explained, drawing away from him. "The thing that goes bump in the night, the monster underneath your bed, or in your closet, or under the stairs, the thing from which you run, the something wicked this way comes... but most people, you know what they call me?" he asks. "W-what?" Then, the creature lets out a very human scream. A scream of pain, a scream of death, and dread. Then, he chuckles. "It's an affectionate nickname, I think." he clarifies, the disparity between the horrible shrieking and his paradoxically comforting voice uncanny. "But, let's not worry about formalities, and let's get down to brass tax." "You're a human, and you're in my territory, and that means you're game." he explains. "Game?..." BF queries. "Game, to hunt." the creature clarifies, with a chuckle. "And it's such good timing too, I love humans, my favorite part is the skin, and how at just the right temperature, it so easily peels from your-" But ever-so abruptly, the creature's dialogue was interrupted by the sound of heels on wooden stairs. "Hey! BF! I just got a call from Lila, the kids did go home! Apparently they got distracted for a while and just, left? We can finally get out of this-" GF cuts in, as she stops about halfway down the stairs. "Oh. Great. It's you." she sighs, rolling her eyes. "I should've known you'd be here, you creep." she says, taking several paces down the stairs and walking around to their sides, pulling BF out of the corner and close to her. "Y-you know this thing?" BF asked, clutching his girlfriend close. "Unfortunately." she adds. "Ohh, ohohoho... Gwen, you didn't tell me you had a little boyfriend." the monster coos, as he reaches out and draws a finger underneath BF's chin, but the hand is quickly slapped away by GF. "Don't touch him." she warns. "You couldn't stop me, even if you wanted to." he brings up, looking sly, as he slinks away from the pair. "Oh what to do with you two..." he says. "I've always wanted a two course meal..." he almost, whispers, drooling as a huge, rancid slab of meat lolls from his mouth and he licks his lips, tracing across one of his bulbous eyes like a lizard. "Yeah, whatever, you ain't shit." GF fires back. "Don't tempt him..." BF frantically whispers back. "He's fine. He won't do anything, just keep him talking, it'll get his guard down. He thinks we're weaker than him. No matter what he says, just, don't be afraid, ok?" she whispers back. "'Ain't shit'?" the monster asks, almost offended, and holding his hand up to his mouth, before chuckling. "I think you'll find I'm quite the connoisseur of... heh, alternative cuisine." he says, bending down at the pair, his breath stinking of the same rancid meat that his tongue appeared to be... and vague hints of citrus. "Hm, what to do is the question though, I mean, your skulls would simply make lovely little soup bowls, from which to drink your blood..." he said. "Or.. hm, your bones would make excellent broth, wouldn't they?" he asks. "Light, sippable... although I must confess, your little boyfriend's torso would make an excellent roast, stuffed with your guts, left to steep in the oven for five hours... just, thinking about that smell.." he describes, drooling heavily. BF was shaking like a leaf, clutching his girlfriend tightly. "Aren't you scared?!" he hiss-whispers to her. "Watch this." she says, with a wink and a smile, as she urges him off of her, and she walks away. "Or, maybe I could put you both on different racks of the oven... serve you both up on silver platters, and turn your teeth into- wait, where are you going?" A couple seconds of awkward silence follows as GF walks back into the kitchen, and pulls something out of the drawer. "Hey, you know what you should serve up with a couple of golden-brown human roasts?" she asks. "A nice, ice-cold glass of... lemonade." she says, as she hold out her hand to reveal a hand-juicer. The monster's tune then changes completely, his huge eyes widen even more and his pupils shrink as he sharply gasps, scuttling into the corner of the living room, forcing himself into the corner, his disproportionate bones seeming to almost disjoint as he takes on some unnatural-looking positioning to mash himself further into the corner. "H-hey now! T-there's no need for that! I-... h-heh, heh, c-c'mon now, I was just kidding! H-he, he gets it, don'tcha?" the monster defends, gesturing to BF as he tries to cover his ass as he slinks back. "Ohh, but weren't you just saying you should turn us into roasts? C'mon, wouldn't a nice thick lemon-rum glaze go nice with that?" GF asks, stepping forwards. "N-no! No! It wouldn't! You've got the flavors all mixed up! Y-you animals! Stay back!" he warns, thick beads of light yellow sweat falling from his face as his wide smile contorts into a wide frown. "I-I I, taste terrible! I'm sour! I'll make your lips pucker!" he fires. BF, having been impressed by all this, decides to step in himself, walking up and taking the juicer. "Oh but it'd be so nice though! Perhaps afterwards we could use the leftovers to make some tasty lemon squares?... Or maybe some lemon meringue pie?" he suggested, smiling devilishly as he watched the monster's face get increasingly horrified. The now quivering-monster shrieks in despair. "Y-you better... p-put that thing down right now, y-you, you barbarians!" he threatens, his bloodshot eyes going completely red as he begins stalking up towards them, growling. "Oh it's so satisfying, the sound that a halved lemon makes... when you squeeze it." BF croons, pretending to juice a lemon, and stepping forward. That was it for the monster, he couldn't take it anymore, so off he went, quick as a flash, whimpering like a dog as he scuttles away, climbing up the wall, breaking one of the windows and crawling through it like a distressed house centipede. BF stands there, feeling quite pleased with himself as he drops the juicer. GF giggles and claps. "Nice job, Hannibal. Let's get out of here before he realizes he's several feet taller than us." she warns. "Yeah. I think I've had my fill of spooks for one day too." BF agrees, as they head toward the front door, hand-in-hand.

[wordscholar]

my favorite books of 2021!

(plus some runners-up and a few that didn’t make the cut)

hi all! it’s been a busy (??) year and i didn’t read as many books as i did in 2020, but i still met my goal of 60 books! here are my top ten (NOT in any particular order) and why:

piranesi by susanna clarke: i love mysteries, i love labyrinths, and i love subtle hints at lurking eldritch horror. this book is so good i had a nightmare about it. hardly anything about it is scary, but it’s so deep in the uncanny i get shivers just thinking about it. tana french readers will enjoy at half the price (page count)!

we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson: i’m finally getting around to shirley jackson’s work! i read this after reading “the lottery” and have found it really interesting how jackson dwells on the intersection of scapegoating and misogyny. merricat is at once inscrutable and totally plain and constance lives up to her name in more ways than one.

how do you live? by genzaburo yoshino: i read this (probably like everyone else) because of the upcoming miyazaki film, and i can tell why he chose it: it’s full of melancholy, youth and adulthood, and everyday quandaries. yoshino was a vocal socialist (apparently imprisoned for it), so his politics are woven throughout the book, too, which i, a socialist, liked.

the tree by colin tudge: when i was little i wanted to be a botanist, so i love reading about plants. trees in particular are such amazing creatures! this book is (in my opinion) appropriately portioned into tree facts, evolutionary theory, a few swift biology lessons, and philosophy. also, whatever you think goes on between fig trees and fig wasps, you’re wrong.

interior chinatown by charles yu: half prose, half screenplay, this novel kept me engaged even just with its formatting. this book explores one person’s experience as an asian-american and what it means to be an oppressed person in a place where you are not the “most oppressed.”

if they come for us by fatimah asghar: my favorite poetry collection i read this year. i found asghar’s composition plain but captivating, and she often surprised me with where she took her poems. they are all (i think) written in free verse, which i usually have a little trouble with, but not these. if they come for us is brief but forceful, and every word counts.

kim jiyoung, born 1982 by cho nam-joo: this book hits the nail on the head, then keeps hammering. no one in the year 2021 should ever be comfortable at any moment reading kim jiyoung. the twist at the end is great (very “how did i not see that coming?”) and jiyoung herself deserves a lot of thought, both as an individual and as the archetype cho cast her as.

harrow the ninth by tamsyn muir: it’s no gideon, but harrow the ninth is a beast all its own. if gideon is a death game mystery, harrow is more like a training montage gone sour. all i’m going to say about this one is that the second-person twist blew my fucking mind. tamsyn plays the LONG GAME

on a sunbeam by tillie walden: this graphic novel is quite long and every panel is worth it. if you, like me, are interested in space, queer people, huge animals, and improbable architecture, on a sunbeam could be your tillie walden gateway book (see below). beyond the story, every single panel is stunningly gorgeous and walden knows exactly what she is doing with color.

the city of brass by s. a. chakraborty: i haven’t stuck with this series, but i enjoyed the first book a lot! every pov character was entertaining and some parts even made me laugh out loud while others were deadly serious. i hope to read the second book in 2022!

some runners-up:

are you listening?, alone in space, and spinning by tillie walden: i love all these graphic novels so much! are you listening? was my tillie walden gateway book and i was immediately obsessed, though it and alone in space are quite sad. spinning is walden’s memoir, also a little sad but much less grim.

while i was away by waka t. brown: this is a middle-grade novel (i.e., for kids) about a girl who goes to live with her grandmother in japan for half a year. as a child of immigrants myself, many parts of this book spoke to me, but there were also some weird moments--like when waka’s grandmother vaguely mentions the japanese invasion of manchuria once, just to say that one of her children was born in china, and then never again.

the magic fish by trung le nguyen: this is a graphic novel of a vietnamese fairytale that shares similarities with cinderella, told by an immigrant mother to her son. every part of the story that took place in the present day was heartfelt and wonderful, and while the fairytale was definitely really cool, it was also kind of shockingly graphic and gory at times. a wonderful read, but i wasn’t prepared.

and lastly, a few that disappointed me:

beowulf translated by maria dahvana headley: as a former classics student, this translation drove me up the wall. you cannot have it all when translating--you can’t have grand romance and modern verbiage and exact replicas of poetic form, not because no one will understand it but because it just won’t be pleasant to read. (also, i’m not trained in anglo-saxon, but translating hwæt as “bro” just reeked of quirky millennial anti-establishmentarianism. it was a serious mood-killer.)

four lost cities by analee newitz: this book was a mess of contradictions. firstly, the author is a journalist, and i generally prefer to get my archaeology scholarship direct from the source. second, the author insists throughout the book that there is no such thing as a “lost” city, because “finding” a city is a very imperialist notion--but the book is still called four lost cities. idk if the publisher insisted or what, but it felt very disingenuous to me. (also, about a week after i finished this book, one of my classics professors emailed us an article of newitz’s about pompeii and said, “i find this very misleading!!” LOL)

earthlings by sayaka murata: this book needed like, every trigger warning available. including cannibalism. it was too much for me personally, even though i have enjoyed some of murata’s other works.

if you actually read all this way, thanks for entertaining my opinions! if you want to let me know what you think of any of the titles i listed, reply or shoot me an ask--i love book chat!

finally, if you want to see what else i’ve been reading (and what i’m looking forward to reading), my goodreads is here. happy new year, everyone!

[astronomifier]

Magnus Relisten Eps 3 and 4

Day two. Across the Street and Page Turner

Episode 3: Across the Street Case #0070107 Statement of Amy Patel, regarding the alleged disappearance of an acquaintance, Graham Folger.

An interesting episode. I like how the creepiness comes from more than one source. Graham’s odd behavior is the initial focus, then the odd table, and then it slowly shifts to the creature... I don’t know exactly why, but that bait and switch appeals to me. There’s even a bit of creepiness in our narrators behavior, with her odd obsession with watching Graham. One little thing i liked is that its unclear if Graham’s weirdness has anything to do with the supernatural or not. You don’t often get that on the Magnus Archives. Usually its very clear which part of the episode is supernatural and which parts are mundane... not so here. Is Graham paranoid about the creature stalking him, or is he just weird? or even supernatural himself? And then of course the reveal of the creature is a delightfully creepy bookend to the 20 minute build up of vaguely unsettling stuff. The uncanny valley of not-quite humans is just... delightful, and this spindly, many limbed thing is definitely up there, and then the reveal of the not-Graham is an incredible paranoia generator.

As far as narrator-watch, Patel is decently up there. I mean we don’t get much detail about her backstory anything, but i love how her invasive people-watching tendencies makes her own behavior part of the unsettling atmosphere. We’ll see that a few more times in the show, and but this one stands out because Patel’s odd behavior is in no way supernaturally motivated.

7/10. Maybe 6.5, but i dont want to do half-points in this. Its not quite as creepy as the Angler Fish, but its very close, and offers up so many unanswered questions and expands on the mystery so much that it gets credit for that alone.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: Ok yes, this is our introduction to the NotThem and thats significant and all, but as there are several more episodes featuring the NotThem going forward, and a lot more heavily than in this episode, im not really going to focus on it here. No today my focus is... WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH GRAHAM? we never learn what his deal is! the scribbling, the notebook eating, its so weird! It seems hes being hypnotized a bit by the Web Table, but i have no idea why the Web would make him scribble in notebooks. Maybe he was aware of the creature hunting him, he certainly seems to be watching his back enough, but again, it doesnt explain the notebook thing. Maybe we’ll never know. One extra thing though, in a later episode someone, i think Oliver the End Avatar, mentions dating another gay man named Graham in London. Maybe the same person? who knows.

Episode 4: Page Turner Case #0132806 Statement of Dominic Swain, regarding a book held briefly in their possession during late-2012.

I wasn’t expecting to like this episode as much as I did. frankly, all i remembered before I started was the book, which, despite being the focal point of the episode, doesn’t really do that much in its own right here. What i had forgotten is that this episode is effectively a series of odd, unsettling vignettes. The book of vertigo that makes the reader aimlessly wander. The mystery of Jurgen Lietner. Mary Keay, being creepy as fuck, Gerard Key’s eye paintings and book burnings, etc. Each works as a little hint of creepiness while also setting up mysteries for the future, all while telling a coherent narrative of a mans experience with a strange magical artifact. On the downside, though, this episode’s focus on setting up unanswered questions means that most of what i want to say is reserved for the spoiler section. One more thing: i’m glad we finally got an episode showing that there are some things that Jon Archivist isn’t skeptical of. 

Not much to say on Narrator-watch today, he’s a theater tech, cool beans, so instead ill focus on the Lightning strike that plays into Dominic’s backstory. Damn is the story of Micheal Crew creep me out. A kid gets scarred by lightning, and later the same fractal as his scar shows up in a book that smells of ozone? “ozone mixed with the smell of cooking meat” gives me the creeps.

8/10. Delightfully creepy, and piques the hell out of your curiosity the first time to. It just asks sooooo many questions! and theres plenty for you on the relisten. Great ep.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: Gerry’s fucking METAL MUSIC I cannot!!! Anyways this episode has so much stuff in it for future listeners, i dont even know where to start. So here, lets start with GRbookworm1818. I guessed that this was Gertrude from the beginning, so i was so vindicated when that was confirmed later. Anyways, we get our first of many Jurgen Lightner books, and i think Ex Altiora is one of my favorites. Mostly, though, for Micheal Crew and what we learn about his story in later episodes. We’ll save it for then, but suffice it to say that the Lightning entity is one of my favorite Spiral manifestations, and the Spiral one of my favorite entities. I also love any episode that creates a crossover of multiple entities, in this case the Spiral and the Vast. One criticism i do have though is: It is a really contrived coincidence that the guy who finds the book that gave Mike Crew his powers is also the exact same guy who witnessed Crew getting hit by lightning. that kind of takes me out of this. 

[lixnheartt-blog]

Hey, Jack here. I’m just jumping in to introduce my muse, Griffin. He’s someone I’ve played in different varieties—on different sites, but never to this extent or this story-line. He’s very friendly and charismatic, which goes beyond his profession. I’m willing to write with anyone who is interested, but I’m going to make you well aware that he WILL flirt—and if you’re charming enough he won’t even make you empty your pockets for a quick fuck. Sex is the name of the game. There are going to be a lot of dark themes with this one, so I’m going to give my trigger warnings and you can decide if you want to continue reading further.

﴾ TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abuse, Murder, Drug Abuse, Mental Illness, Violence, Gore, Kidnapping, Prostitution. ﴿

Born Jia Xǔ, poverty stricken in Liuzhou City, China, the male took over the name "Griffin” after his mother had been brutally murdered as it was the English nickname she gave him due to her obsession with the mythical creature. She considered him brave and fierce like a lion, but tactical and beautiful like an eagle with the ability to soar beyond his birthright. Jia was close to his mother, born a bastard due to her career of prostitution and her desire to believe lies that one man fed her. Raising him alone, the boy was often left to fend for himself, and at an early age he learned of his mother’s “profession” and was constantly surrounded by unfamiliar and dangerous men and women, alike. At the age of fourteen he began working at a small restaurant where he would provide income to his mother, all in efforts to provide a stable home. What seemed to be a beginning of a new start came to a quick halt when she had created arrangements with the wrong suppliers, and she was murdered by their hands. Jia was kidnapped by these drug peddlers and was raised in the life of dealing and using, dropping his birth name entirely and only being known as “Griffin”. Living with the men and women started his obsession with sex—the pleasure being the one escape that dulled what pain he felt; the drugs he was given only an added plus. When their drug cartel had been shifted to Korea, Griffin was one of the first to be sent over, his desire for sex and uncanny ability to sell and market himself as well as their goods making him more than just an asset.

[philly-osopher]

C, H, N, P, U! (I hope you're done working for the day cause I don't think this is what "yelling at you if I see you post" looks like tbh.)

C: Which character do you identify with most?

So here’s a thing that may come as a surprise to readers of this blog: it’s not John Laurens, although I love him very much. I am far more pragmatic and less angry than he is, and I self-flagellate much less. I am also not as stupidly reckless– in fact, I think of myself as very cautious. But I admire his idealism and his bravery a lot, even as I can see where the extremes of those traits lead him to tragedy. That sense of such great potential, along with all the details we have on him due to @john-laurens​‘ fantastic and tireless research, is what draws me in.

Okay so I explained it’s not John. I definitely projected a lot of my mannerisms/ quirks, especially anxiety-related ones (memorizing data, making lists, talking to myself, getting really insistent and precise with words) onto Macaroniverse Alex. That said, musical!Alex doesn’t really have those traits. But in terms of his ambition to Be Somebody in his field and his willingness to work really hard to do it, sometimes to the detriment of�� uh… everything else in life? The way he likes to plan? The enjoyment he gets from discussing ideas and constructing arguments? Those things definitely speak to me.

H: How would you describe your style?

Versatile! I try to adjust my style to what I’m writing, and I’m pretty proud of my ability to switch because it’s something I’ve worked on a lot. Even between third person Alex and third person John in Macaroniverse, the voices are different; Alex gets longer sentences and more looping/ leaping, while John is very concrete and linear and pretty bad at noticing his own emotions. For example, John:

The plastic bag inside the box slides out and he spills Cheerios all over the floor. Then he can’t work broom and dustpan at the same time, so he ends up picking up all the spilled Cheerios and throwing them in the trash one by one. Then he can’t get the milk carton open. He almost gives up, because Cheerios without milk are just not fucking worth it, but something in him refuses.

Hemingway might approve, if not of the content, then at least the sentence length and structure. (Actually I kind of like the Hemingway comparison because his is the Stoical Manpain voice and John def has a little Stoical Manpain going on in this story, the silly dear).

Versus Alex:

And even though he trusts Herc to be careful with his pins, and not to judge him for the enormous quantity of free dental dams and condoms he steals from the table outside his door, and to help him discriminate between normal-sick and dangerous-sick… he doesn’t trust him with this yet. He should—he really should.

One, Herc owes him for agreeing to serve as his mannequin after his poor sweet Thimbleina was stolen by a bunch of giggling tri-Delts on a scavenger hunt. (Not that Alex minds getting to model Herc’s edgy, sculptural creations every once in awhile. They make him feel badass. Particularly the poison-green women’s blazer currently taking shape on his shoulders.)

Two, Herc’s also first-gen, he was born in Nigeria, he knows what it’s like to stick out like a sore thumb. Alex frowns. Does that metaphor make sense? Why do sore thumbs stick out? Are they swollen or something? What happened to Herc’s poor sore thumb? In this case, was it sore from the hammer-blow of class, racial, and native-born privilege?

See how he likes to make lists? And starts running with sentences and just kinda… keeps going with them? And how he gets distracted and goes off on mental tangents and has to loop back to the topic? He’s not disorganized to himself, he just has a different system. With his stories sometimes I struggle to get in-voice and sometimes I have the opposite problem of keeping everything from exploding into the confetti shower that is Alex’s inner monologue.

For canon-era stuff I try to use a totally different voice, which isn’t authentically 18th-century but has absorbed approximately that flavor from all the Patrick O’Brian I’ve read. From the rivers/ guns sequel I’m working on:

On the mudded-out track through the endless woods and rolling hills of central Pennsylvania there walks a woman—young, clad in widow’s black, the heavy fabric falling round the gentle swell of her belly. Her black hood is cast down to shield her face from the wind; her head is bowed but her back straight. Before her the sky is clear and blue in all the glory of early fall; behind her it is ink-black and uncanny, and uncanniness clings to her skin like the smell of death clings to men off the battlefield. No band of brigands dares accost her; no friendly washerwoman inquires if she is well, if she needs a bite to eat, what business a woman in her state has on the road. The uncanniness holds them back—well, that, and the creature that scuttles along at her heels: low-slung, many-limbed, panting and coughing and drooling ink from its gibbering mouths.

I count three semicolons, one colon, two em-dashes, and 22 adjectives. Hemingway no longer approves. He’s coming for me with a big knife. If you never hear from me again, you know whose ghost to blame.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Yes, but thank god @herowndeliverance​ is writing it already.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Here’s what happens, most of the time. I get an idea for a passage of dialogue or a premise or an ending to a fic. I’m nowhere convenient to write (usually walking somewhere or at work) so I write it down in the notes to my phone and then think on it obsessively for the rest of the day, trying to turn it into something story-shaped. I get home and try to capture what I thought of. Inevitably something isn’t working and I have to talk/ appeal to someone to get the idea loose. Mostly I do this by shouting at my friends in messages and then going back and copy-pasting the whole conversation into the document.

So, I think I end up planning quite a lot, even for shorter stories. Even if I don’t deliberately outline, I’ve at least gone through the story several times in my head before I start typing.

For longer stories, like the rivers/ guns sequel excerpted above, I outline before I get started, but inevitably things will change and evolve as I’m going. Sometimes when I garden too much my inner architect has to tear out the gardens I made because they’re in the wrong places or they don’t match the house, which is always a sad process. In fact, as I’m writing I’ll actually tell myself when something isn’t working, like Philip thinking, this is so dumb, why am I acting like this? when I was trying to take a plot shortcut that unfortunately led to Bad Characterization. That’s a sign more planning needs to happen.

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.

I’m not naturally inclined to do much in the way of shipping, and my Lams obsession is actually very out of character for me. But I’d love to do more of Laurens and Lafayette interacting, because whenever you think about their characters, there’s some very clear compare-and-contrast you could do. @your3fundamentaltruths has also convinced me that there’s a lot of potential with stories featuring John and Angelica, although I can’t ship them because I headcanon John as Kinsey 6 100% Gay.

I also haven’t written any Mariliza, even though I think there could be potential there. Obviously not in the canon timeline, because Eliza would probably rather slap canon!Maria than just about anything else, but in an AU where Maria and Eliza meet before Maria and Alex do? You could see Eliza being the Concerned Mom Friend when James Reynolds is being terrible to Maria, and being moved by how hard Maria tries to protect her little girl (maybe Little Eliza and Susan are friends in preschool and Eliza and Maria start talking when they set up a playdate?), and wanting to help her. Actually, you know what, I don’t really ship this but if somebody wants that premise it’s up for grabs :D

[rantceratops]

Secrets

It’s been a while since I did one of my rewatch posts, and what better episode to hop back into the swing of things than Secrets? I remember the morning after this episode aired, I got my mom to sit down and watch it with me over breakfast because Artemis and Zee kicked so much ass and I figured she’d appreciate that (as well as the Marvin the Martian reference, hehe).

Nothing bad ever happens on Halloween, amiright?

I like how that museum curator guy just happens to decide that he REALLY needs to say the Beowulf sword incantation for that cop, you know, just in case some wacko in a cut up trench coat is crouching up in the rafters nearby and might need it or something. How considerate! (dude, you could have prevented this ENTIRE episode from happening if you had not said that. YOU HAD ONE JOB.)

“Mediocrity such as this is never far from Harm.” Is Harm insinuating that he attracts mediocrity? I know he means that as a compliment to himself but I just can’t help but see it as he’s a loser so he attracts other losers.

Harm reminds me of a guy that I went to high school with, that always had really long hair and wore all black and a trench coat like all the fucking time. I shit you not I think of that guy every time I watch this episode, the resemblance is uncanny.

In fact now I’m just imagining that Harm was some fucking edgelord that was like obsessed with old legends and creepy shit and then somehow got stuck on the Beowulf legend and the sword and started taking things too far. 

LOL, Museum Curator is like okay see you guys, we’re fucked.

“The legends say the heart must be pure, they never said pure good.” You know, he really does have a point. 

“Really, you’re not going to join in? What kind of wolf are you?” The kind that doesn’t respond to what arguably sounds like an actual dying dog, Wally.

Leave it to Conner to get Megan to wrap some toilet paper all over him and call himself a mummy. (I’m just kidding it’s probably not toilet paper but still)

Wally please stop with your face

Awww, poor Billy! He wants to hang out with the Team! He’s so precious <3

AW YEAH AND HERE ARE THE LADIES OF THE HOUR. (well actually of the half hour but)

Okay, I really do not fucking have a clue as to why, but for some reason whenever I see Artemis in that vampire get-up my brain likens her to one of those uh... ugh, that Scooby-Doo movie with the three sisters that sang in it? Were they humans or vampires? I don’t remember but for some odd ass reason I get vibes of one of those chicks (or all of them?) from Artemis the vampire. IT’S WEIRD.

Also why didn’t they give Artemis fangs. LOST. OPPORTUNITY.

On a shippers note I find it interesting that Wally is a werewolf and Artemis is a vampire. Obviously those two creatures of the night are often heavily entwined, be it as star-crossed lovers a la Underworld, or something more like Van Helsing. I wonder if the choice was intentional, or perhaps coincidental... considering there is 0 Wally and Artemis interaction in this episode. (kind of a shame, tbh, I feel there might have been some funny potential in at least having them comment on each other’s costumes or something at the beginning) Not to mention the fact that Artemis’s angry attitude in this episode has a whole lot to do with Wally, despite no interaction.

The Justice League didn’t have a Halloween Party!? WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.

You know, I don’t believe that Wally or Artemis were really 100% oblivious to Conner and M’gann being a thing. I think for both of their parts it was something more along the lines of wishful thinking, or perhaps shrugging off certain blatant signs of affection as nothing more than friendship. Considering that Greg said neither Wally nor Artemis took the revelation as hard as they appear to (moreso in Artemis’s case, as Wally gets over it pretty much immediately compared to her) I think that deep down they were both kidding themselves. As has been said many times before, Conner and M’gann were merely distractions for both of them, somewhere to focus their affections when they were too scared to admit they liked the other, or when the other seemed unobtainable to them. Crutch crushes, if you will. For Artemis, Wally seemed out of reach, so she went back to hot, beefy Conner; for Wally, his intense and undeniable feelings for Artemis began to scare him, so he went back to safe, sweet Megan instead of confronting those feelings.

“You are so making this up to me later.” I think we all know what that means...

“Girl’s night out.”

Artemis is like AW YEAH MISPLACED AGGRESSION TIME. 

“I know Artemis isn’t shooting straight. For starter’s she isn’t Green Arrow’s niece.” “What?” “Well, yeah, in fact she’s related to--”  Awww, Dick was just so unconcerned about it and I love that. Like, he KNOWS and he doesn’t even consider for two seconds that Artemis is the Team mole. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: DICK AND ARTEMIS’S FRIENDSHIP IS SO IMPORTANT. (if you don’t think that Dick hacked into the Bat-computer and looked up info on Artemis pretty much the night she joined then you’re wrong)

Four for you, YJ Bats, sticking up for Artemis’s right to have a secret identity! See, this is the kind of times that I like Batman.

Why does Dick almost seem sad about there not being a traitor? I never could quite figure out what that expression of his is supposed to mean, unless it’s just a kind of like “I’m stumped” kind of sad/deflated thing. IDK

I was sooooo glad we got an episode of Zee and Artemis being badasses on motorcycles, considering those two were absent for the brief motorcycle fun times in Schooled.

I also liked the headcanon that Zatanna was borrowing Robin’s motorcycle in this episode, huehue. (too bad it uh... blew up)

I fucking love that Artemis has this kind of... like, attitude of being pissed off and just wanting to pummel the shit out of something instead of actually talk about it, especially considering it’s a matter of the heart. I don’t think Artemis follows the closed off trope per se, but she’s just so convinced that Wally doesn’t want her and that the Team would shun her if they found out about her family that she’s closing herself off where she normally wouldn’t.  Like, I love that Zatanna tries to be a good friend and let her talk it out, but Artemis is only interested and venting some of her pent up anger on some hapless bastards. Her feelings and her secrets are eating her up from the inside out at this point.

“What I need is something to beat up.”

God Artemis is such a badass, can we just appreciate the fact that she’s a badass enough archer to fucking nail very precise targets from a moving vehicle? And then like, punches some guy as she’s driving past and finishes him off? 

Harm is a fucking creeper.

“You know, there were easier ways to take them.” “Pfft, they had it coming, no harm done.” THAT’S RIGHT ARTEMIS YOU KICK BITCHES IN THE FACE. (especially considering the implications of what they were going to do when circling that blonde girl... they definitely deserved the punishment Artemis dished out)

“We get it, your name is Harm!” 

“Their ridiculous garb--” Excuse me? Coming from the guy with no shirt on and a ripped up trench coat thing? Come on brah, who’s really ridiculous here? My ladies have style!

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Zatanna’s awesome flip thing while saving Artemis, shall we?

Oh my god I forever love that Zatanna changes her fucking boots mid chase sequence because they’re impractical. XD

I’m always just a little bit disappointed that the dagger that slices Artemis’s mask didn’t leave a bloody scratch. Like, they could have gotten away with a red line on her cheek to represent it being a scratch. Idk, I’ve seen fics where she does have one and Wally asks about it and stuff like that, I choose to headcanon it nicked her skin.

I also kind of like that Zatanna lasts about two seconds against Harm but Artemis holds her own for a good minute or so. My point being that there’s an obvious contrast in each of their training, that Zatanna probably doesn’t physically fight very much due to her spells, where as Artemis is quite proficiently trained in melee as well as her bow and arrows. It’s also an interesting contrast in that they’re both technically “ranged” heroes if you will, but one of them is still more melee inclined than the other. This is in no way saying Zatanna is weak, I’m sure she at least knows some basic fighting/defense, I’m sure Zatara would’ve taught her something, but Artemis is clearly the winner here, especially with her upbringing (god knows all the shit Lawrence taught her). And in general I greatly appreciate that Artemis could have very easily just been the stereotypical “girl’s are ranged” trope with no combat prowess at all, but instead she’s inclined to both ways of fighting and in fact spends the majority of season 2 fighting melee with a sword. 

Appreciation time for the rooftop fight, as the choreography for it is particularly top-notch!

Also, Artemis is fierce!

“You wanna play without the toys?”

Artemis, please, stop, you can’t just unleash that much of your badassery at once, it’s bad for my health!

Shipper goggles: When Harm hits Artemis in the face I’m always just like wondering how Wally would have reacted to that. For no other reason than shipper reasons. I would’ve just loved to see him be all like AW HELL NAW and just rush Harm recklessly and probably get his ass whooped.

“The martians are coming, the martians are coming!” Oh my fucking GOD this part cracks me the fuck up every time.

“Watch out! They have disintegration rays!” Conner, honey, I can tell you that you’re not getting an Oscar for that line delivery anytime soon.

THE CORNY ASS MUSIC I CANT

Wally is so silent this whole episode, though, tbh. He has like two lines at the beginning and then yells about martians, but other than that he’s completely silent, it’s weird.

SUDDENLY IT’S SAW UP IN HERE.

ARTEMIS AND ZEE USING STOVE GAS TO BLOW HIM THE FUCK UP, A++.

Oh, man, Artemis getting so... just absolutely fucking livid when she finds out that Harm murdered his sister. “You did this! To your own sister! And you had the gall to write beloved!” Like, she can’t even imagine doing that to Jade, or Jade doing that to her. They are very obviously on the opposite sides of the law, but when it comes down to it Jade nor Artemis would ever do anything that would kill the other, they love each other, and the idea that someone could do that to their own sibling just fucking appalls her.

“It can’t fight us while it fights itself!” FUCK HIM UP, ART!

How does that boot taste, mother fucker?!

“I still can’t believe someone could do that to his own sister... I mean if my...”

:((( Artemis you hurt me.