#thankfully they finally got the memo and left | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mysisypheannightmare · 2 years ago

Text

Malfunction

Word Count: 10530

Warnings: Hurt No Comfort, heavy angst, extreme crying (seriously, it’s A LOT), suicidal behavior/attempted suicide, multiple instances of self-harm, injury, biting, brief mentions of blood, choking/strangulation, difficulty breathing, extreme amounts of negative thinking, self-loathing, panic attack/anxiety attack, mental breakdown, pushing past emotional/mental limits, overworking, sensory processing issues, partial mutism/struggling through mutism, denied help when asked, insomnia, implied sleep-deprivation, stress, depression, anxiety, brief explicit language, other sides & Thomas misunderstanding the situation and reacting poorly (NOT unsympathetic)

Notes: Please heed these warnings. This is a long and intense fanfic that is essentially 99% pure angst. It is also mostly based on personal experience, so I don’t fully know how to tag some of it. If you have tag suggestions, please let me know and I’ll add it to the warning tags.

There is an additional note at the end.

And shoutout to @intrulogical for the perfect idea that sparked this fic! It really turned into its own kind of monster in the end...

If you're ready, please enjoy!

–

He really should have expected something to go wrong.

Logan had only been given a single day before the deadline to get everything ready.

Roman had come up with a new video idea, throwing out the old plan all because he'd had what he decided to call a "sudden stroke of creative genius" just yesterday. Logan had offered that they stick with their initial plan and work the new idea into next month's schedule instead, but Roman had refused. He’d been so insistent that the new idea couldn't wait, that he had slaved away in his own room all day to construct the new script, so all he needed was the proper research done and a quick look over for any typos...which, of course, would fall to Logan's department. Unwilling to hear Logan out about having to rearrange the schedule on such short notice, Roman left Logan with a pile of papers, notes, and a memo pad full of lyrics for a song he would be adding on top of everything, and there was very little Logan could do but, well, his job.

He had sighed, organized the papers enough to find the research topics he needed to collect data on, and got to work.

As he'd informed Roman, he had to completely rearrange his schedule for the day to accommodate the new, daunting task before him. Pushing aside his own priorities was simple enough, but he'd have to let the other sides know that he'd need to postpone his prior arrangements with them, and he'd have to find a way to make Roman's new plan work around Thomas' necessary evening and nightly tasks. With them filming first thing the very next day, Logan would have to be sure Thomas had everything set up and ready before he went to bed that night or they'd be behind schedule for the shoot, which would only make things worse.

Thankfully, Thomas had already expected this and needed little persuading, and Virgil was willing to step in and make sure Thomas double-checked everything before turning in for the night.

But then he had to keep reminding Thomas to get off his phone and sleep already so he wouldn't be tired in the morning, which kept distracting Logan from getting his research done.

Once Thomas had finally fallen asleep, Logan tried his best to focus in on the main topic Roman had chosen. While he kind of hoped Roman's sudden change of plans would at least include information he was already privy to, he could never be so lucky.

So, instead, he would be up all night, foregoing any sleep so he could learn as much as possible about the psychological nuances of obsession and passion, Roman’s apparent ‘genius’ topic idea. Collecting data and cross-referencing Roman's new script was time-consuming, but he was certain he could get most of it done in time for the shoot.

Logan glanced down at the clock. 12:18am. See? Plenty of time to get everything ready.

He flipped a page of the script to find dozens upon dozens of hand-written notes from Roman, some kind of last-moment addition where he wanted more detail about obsession included in a particular scene. Oh boy, Logan really was about to be in for a long night...

–

After having opened the thirtieth medical article on this topic, Logan wanted nothing more than to just close everything down and crawl into bed, consequences be damned. But, no, he had a job to do, so it didn't matter if he was tired.

He glanced down at the clock. 4:08am.

Okay, just another four hours and fifty-two minutes before Thomas was scheduled to get up. He leaned back in his desk chair and looked over at the stack of papers he still had left to review. He'd made it over halfway through already, and that likely left just enough time to finish the research and a quick glance-over for typos before Thomas got up in the morning. So, right on time, then.

His gaze drifted back to the article pulled up on his computer when his mind harshly reminded him that he would need to review his schedule before deciding he had the right amount of time left, as he couldn't ignore Thomas' direct tasks in the morning, no matter how much importance Roman placed on his script.

Welcoming the distraction from research for a bit, Logan opened his schedule and verified what had been moved and postponed to accommodate Roman's change of plans.

Thomas' morning routine was still intact, but there was clear overlap in the final prep time for filming and Logan's research window, especially considering he had to put off his prior arrangements yesterday evening with all the other sides so he'd have to be ready for any questions that may arise. And since they would be filming that morning, there were bound to be a lot of questions.

Logan sighed. Okay, so he didn't have as much time as anticipated, but that was fine. He could probably just pick up his pace for now to make sure the workload would be completed efficiently.

And that's when he noticed a missed schedule change from yesterday that hadn't been moved or postponed. In regards to some missing files that he hadn't been able to locate before the prior episode’s filming day, which had caused a whole uproar due to the lack of memorized information Thomas needed to rely on. He had set the time aside to verify the files' whereabouts for the day right before the shoot this time so he could be sure he had it and wouldn't lose it before the filming began, to keep Thomas from worrying about it for an extended period and to maintain Logan’s own reputation as being reliable to Thomas and the others.

But he hadn't done it. He'd completely skipped over it because he had prioritized it as a personal task, but when he rescheduled his whole day, he had set all his personal tasks to low priority or removed them so he would have adequate time for Roman's necessary script changes. But this one task hadn't been removed due to its importance, and yet he'd completely forgotten about it.

He stood up, wanting to go find the files right away, but the sudden movement knocked some of Roman's papers and notes to the floor and he hastily scrambled to pick them back up.

He set them back on the desk. The pile was only half-finished. If he paused the research now, it wouldn't be done before filming started. But if he didn't find the missing files, Thomas would find him unreliable! He had specifically asked Logan to locate the missing information, but Roman had demanded this research be done on time, too!

Logan looked down at his hands to find them shaking.

Odd.

He ignored it and sat down to look back over his schedule. Surely there was something else he could remove from his morning tasks to give him some extra time?

The only priorities were Thomas' morning routine, the preparations for filming, and being available to answer questions. Oh, that's right, he would have to be readily available for any questions from the others leading up to the filming start time, which meant he couldn't be back in the library storage locating the files at that time.

Well, scratch that idea then. But maybe he could power through the research during the questions time. Or maybe there wouldn't be as many questions as usual, giving him that tiny bit more leeway?

Or, perhaps he could create a list of frequently asked questions and answers for the others to quickly reference so that they wouldn't need to ask him-- oh no, wait, then he'd have to take time creating the list and making copies for everyone, so he'd only lose more time that way.

He looked down at the clock again. 4:32am.

He gawked. Had he wasted that much time on this already? How was he going to get anything done on time now?

His vision seemed to swim for a moment and he grabbed onto the edge of his desk to keep himself steady. What on earth was that all about?

He raised a hand to adjust his glasses, for some reason thinking that may help, only to notice he was breathing really heavily.

Well, that was rather impractical, he thought. He was metaphysical, and therefore shouldn't need to breathe. So why exactly was he breathing so quickly and heavily?

Oh, wait, right, that was called hyperventilating. Why was he hyperventilating then?

His mind seemed to race at the implication, supplying him with everything he'd deduced up to that moment - how he'd have to resolve the deadline problem in another way if at all possible, how there was so much he still hadn't gotten done yet, and how he definitely seemed to be overwhelmed at the moment.

That wasn't good.

He didn't notice that he was swaying the second time and fell right out of his chair and onto the floor, now aware he was quite nauseous and that his head seemed to be pounding with a growing headache.

Why was this happening? What was wrong with him??

This was very unusual, given he didn't often lose balance or display any symptoms of illness. It wasn't unheard of, sure, but it certainly didn't come out of nowhere like this, for no discerning reason.

He tried to bring a hand up to his face again, only to immediately fall forward and land flat on the floor.

His first thought was to try to sit up, but his energy seemed to completely disappear and he just laid there uselessly. This was such a waste of time, on top of everything he'd already learned about the schedule and his inability to properly redistribute necessary tasks... How could he have let this happen?

He wouldn't normally make such an enormous error, would he? No, something had to be wrong here. Some kind of glitch or malfunction he hadn't noticed until it had started to wreak havoc on him like this.

How could he have let it go unnoticed, though?

It wasn't until his glasses began to fog up that he realized he was crying, too, and once he noticed that, it seemed to increase by a ridiculous amount. What must have started as a mere trickle was now a faucet on full blast, and he could hear himself begin to sob loudly.

He somehow sat up just barely then, clutching at his head as he became even more light-headed and dizzy from that one simple action and all the noise he was making.

How could this be happening? Why had things gone so wrong?

Aware enough to at least take stock of what was occuring, he noted he was still hyperventilating while also crying, and before he could move onto the next symptom of whatever this problem was, he squeezed his eyes shut and started screaming.

Like the crying wasn't disruptive enough, his screams seemed to bounce off every wall around him, the floor beneath him echoing the clamorous cacophony right back into his ears, sounding so desperate and terrified.

Neither the sobbing nor screaming would cease when he tried to force it to stop, it just wouldn’t stop, and it only seemed to get louder and louder.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He must have broken something in his usual coding and this had been the result, or it was due to crossed wires or something coming loose. That was the only thing that could explain how horrible he was acting right now, and how awful this felt.

But it didn’t matter how it felt, he just needed it to stop.

He had to make it stop.

But how?

His mind was racing, trying to sift through the multiple mistakes he'd already made in less than a day, with many more in the past and soon to be more in the future ready to add on to the pile. The moment he tried to think of proposing a solution to the source of all this - the timing error - he couldn't get to the next step in weighing his options and the idea's many variables because his mind would suddenly flood in with more problems. It left his ears ringing and his jaw feeling sore from all his own crying and screaming.

How had he let this get so out of hand? What was he supposed to do if he couldn't think straight long enough to fix it?

What if he couldn’t fix it?

Surely this wasn’t just happening because he'd messed something up with his workload, even if that was obviously an unfixable mistake and meant that he had ruined everything and it’dl been all his fault... But the action had simply caused something in his brain to misfire and resulted in all this bizarre stuff, instead of something understandable, like a standard level of trepidation or a marginal amount of stress, just enough to motivate him to keep going.

This? This was not normal. And it was far from understandable.

He rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop all the tears.

But the root cause of the issue was his mistake. So if he tried to focus his attention on fixing that specific part, maybe then he could fix the rest of it?

It was worth a shot!

He had no idea what other options he had left, though…

But maybe he could ask someone else for a new suggestion? If his mind was rendered temporarily faulty and he wasn’t capable of thinking clearly, maybe there was an answer he wasn't aware of that he could try instead? He'd just have to ask someone...

But who?

–

Shoving his fist to his mouth to quiet the incessant sobbing and possibly pause the hyperventilating, Logan had managed to get himself up on wobbly knees and then to his feet without falling over again. It was hard to keep quiet, as his mind seemed to fog over the moment he was standing and any thought that came through caught more crying in his throat. Once he made it to his door and got it open, he pulled both hands to his mouth, trying to force himself silent to keep from waking anyone.

He'd not bothered to check the time again, but with how dark it was in the hallway, he assumed not much time had passed yet. Perhaps he ought to have been grateful for that.

He stumbled as quietly as he could to the first door he saw upon exiting his room - Patton's.

Even though he couldn't really think of a legitimate reason to ask for his help with his mind so hazy, he figured Patton would probably be someone with an idea of what to do next, even if it didn't work. Logan just needed to try something, anything, at this point!

He removed one hand to knock on Patton's door, but it somehow managed to wind up slammed against the door instead, like he'd been throwing a punch.

What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe Patton could figure that much out?

If Patton couldn't come up with a solution to the scheduling problem, perhaps he could have some idea why Logan was suddenly malfunctioning like this?

He tried to knock again, and this time nearly completely whiffed trying to connect with the door. He really wished he could get this under control. He was so worthless like this, wasting time when he should have been researching.

Oh geez, the research! He clutched at his head, stress flooding in all over again. He hadn't even bothered to tab through the remaining pages to properly estimate how far along he could get before the deadline inevitably emerged.

Without warning, or at least none he'd been made aware of, the door in front of Logan swung open, revealing a very tired-looking Patton standing just inside, sans glasses.

Oh, good, now Logan could ask for his help and resolve the first part of this problem! But what about the malfunction? He still hadn't been able to stop crying, but crying was something Patton understood, right? It was some kind of an emotions thing. Was this an emotions thing then? Surely that meant Patton would be the exact side to consult about this!

Logan pulled away his other hand and attempted to speak, but all that came out was a jumbled mess of sounds and an obnoxiously loud sob.

He hadn't intended to be so noisy, especially since it was still so late, but he seemed to have no control over his volume, either. The tears only seemed to pick up at that thought and he tried to see Patton through them, but everything was just a blur now.

Patton wore an unreadable expression then, made even more impossible for Logan to decipher as his vision shifted and blurred behind all the unstoppable tears.

"Uhm, Logan, I..." Patton stammered out, looking at him with confusion. "I can't really understand you."

Logan shook his head, intending to try again, but the crying and sobbing were now back in full force and he tried to shove a hand over his mouth at the same time that he spoke.

"It's... The-- the time," he tried. "I need... P-please..."

He couldn't seem to get half of a word out before he was suddenly inhaling as much breath as he could, cutting himself off each time. The sentence he tried hadn't made any sense and the crying and hyperventilating only made it that much harder to understand.

This malfunction was ruining everything!

Patton frowned, and Logan shoved his hands over his mouth immediately, finally recognizing a sob was about to come moments before it did. The lack of air left him dizzy again, but he focused on Patton. Maybe he could at least have an idea of something to try? Anything, anything, please!

Patton sighed.

"Logan, I'm sorry, I just... I don't know how to help if I can't even understand you." He glanced away and then back, adding, "Just go and calm down first, okay?"

And then he shut the door.

Logan stood there, silent. The sobbing seemed to have stopped, possibly from how off-guard he'd been made from Patton's decision just then.

He hadn't expected that at all.

A hiccup escaped him, followed by another loud sob, and he rushed back to his room and slammed the door behind him before the screaming could start back up again.

What were his options now?

Patton had said to calm down, but did that mean he knew what this was? Was this normal? Were emotions always like this?

If Patton wasn't bothered by the display, then that meant something, right? Surely that indicated this was just how emotions worked... So maybe he wasn't broken, after all! He was still usable like this, he just needed to figure out how to shut the emotions part off so he could get back to being productive.

He just had to fix it.

He stumbled forward, trying to make his way back to his desk chair.

The other sides had emotions, too, but they weren't as loud and annoying as he was being right now, so that indicated there had to be an off switch, some way to maintain better control. He just needed to find whatever that was so this would stop being so disruptive and he could get back to work. He couldn't keep wasting everyone's time.

He had a deadline to meet.

The very second that thought processed in his mind, the screaming returned in full force. He tried shoving his hands over his mouth but the screaming persisted. He had to make this stop! There had to be something that would work!

He let go, looking around, hoping to find something that might help.

The quick movement jostled his glasses on his face, and he swung his hand up to catch them, effectively hitting himself in the side of the head. Without further thought to the action, he found himself balling up both hands into fists, now smacking himself on both sides of his head repeatedly.

Why was he doing this?

Why wouldn't this just stop??

Why wasn't there just a mute button or an off switch? Why was this system so complicated that there could be no simple solution to the mess it caused??

Hit after hit against the side of his head made the headache he'd noticed earlier grow stronger, the thoughts on his mind seeming to slow from their rampant and racing pace.

He managed to stop one of his hands before he landed another hit, and glanced over at his hand before sucking in a shaky breath.

Oh, right, the crying still hadn't stopped.

He was still uselessly wasting time.

He squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to think, to focus. He lowered his hands, everything both inside and out of him seeming uneasy and tense.

Patton had said to calm down. Maybe he needed to start with that.

Oh wait, maybe he just needed to refocus on the task at hand? The research!

He wasn’t sure what he would typically do to calm down. He wasn’t sure he ever needed to calm himself before, as most flares of emotions or bizarre behavior would only spark and burn out quickly. There was no need to calm down before now. What was a method that should work?

Perhaps a menial task?

He stumbled over to his desk and sat down, trying to hold his breath at intervals to get it steady again. Was it ever steady? That didn't matter. He held his breath for a few moments then inhaled again, trying to get the hyperventilating under control as he leaned towards his computer.

He returned to the medical journal he'd been starting to read earlier (he stopped himself from checking the clock again to see just how long ago that had been), but he could barely see through the tears, everything blurring at the edges. He wiped at his eyes incessantly, trying to stay focused.

Just read. Get the information, add it to the notes as necessary, and get the job done.

He held his breath again, but a sob broke out from behind his gritted teeth. The moment the sob broke free, it would grow into a scream. The screaming-sobbing was so loud and annoying, still seeming to bounce off the walls around him whenever he thought to tune back in to notice.

It was normal, though, he had to remind himself. This was fine. He just had to focus on the research and it would go away.

This will work. It had to!

It didn't, though. He went on like that for nearly half an hour, having finally bothered to check the clock. He'd made minimal progress, notably from having to stop reading periodically because his vision was still swimming at times and he was repeatedly feeling lightheaded from constantly trying to hold his breath and failing.

Clearly, the screaming sobs and constant hyperventilating had to stop. If he could get those parts under control, he could keep focused and everything else would fix itself.

He resisted covering his mouth right away, mind now switching tasks to try to solve this issue for good.

There had to be a way to get his breathing back to normal.

The thoughts didn't immediately connect together but he looked down at his hand and, after another blink to clear the tears, he found himself biting into the back of it, hard.

The screaming now sounded muffled, but only just barely, so he bit down harder. His hand spasmed for a moment and pain shot through his wrist and up his arm.

He could taste blood. Gross.

He could feel his hand throbbing against his teeth, overtaking the slight buzzing sensation from his muffled cries against his skin. His jaw began to ache from holding it in place, but he ignored it.

This...wasn't so bad.

It was somewhat freeing, the pain in his hand warring against the overwhelming thoughts in his mind. He could sense the pushback, like the pain wanted nothing more than to win out.

He adjusted his jaw and bit down again, just as hard. The taste of blood flooded his senses alongside the searing pain.

And that was when he realized... the screaming had stopped. Oh god, and his arm hurt more than he'd ever thought possible, but the screaming had stopped!

He let go, and immediately saw the terrible bite marks and blood on the back of his hand. That didn't look pleasant, but at least it worked! He almost smiled at this small point of victory, but he lifted his hand and stared forward, ready to ride this rush to get back on track.

Unfortunately, it only took a few moments of trying to type before he had to stop because he kept dripping blood onto his keyboard, plus his hand was still randomly cramping and spasming from the pain, so he decided to get up and wrap his hand in a bandage for the time being.

The bleeding had stopped and was taken care of fairly quickly, but flexing his hand even just a tiny bit would send pain shooting up his forearm and down his fingertips, so he tried to stay aware of that as he stepped back towards his desk.

He noticed his mind seemed far clearer than it was minutes ago. From the decision to take care of his hand to the far quieter state of his room without all the screaming, he supposed Patton's suggestion really had worked.

He felt something drop on his uninjured hand and, upon seeing the drop of water, he realized he was still crying quite profusely, but clearly not as loudly and obnoxiously. He wiped away the incessant tears, but was grateful he'd at least managed to get the screaming part to stop. That was still progress, he assumed.

He sucked in a breath. Ah, he was still breathing bizarrely, but not quite as severely as he was earlier when he was hyperventilating. Definitely marked progress! That meant there really was a way to fix this, he just needed to try harder.

He took a seat and stared at the clock on his computer. 5:51am.

He ignored the pulsating pain in his hand that seemed to marginally increase as he ran the math in his head, seeing he only had three hours and nine minutes left before Thomas would be up and the research would be due.

He could hear the occasional light drips of tears as they fell onto his desk while he opened his research notes file on the computer to verify where he'd last left off.

And that's when he noticed, now that his mind was clear enough to see, multiple typos made in the last paragraph he'd typed.

Shit.

Without hesitation, the hyperventilating returned in full force as he scrambled to correct every typo he could find. As he kept clicking further back into the document, he found more and more errors, and it quickly dawned on him that he'd have to recheck the entire file and all the ones he'd written before it, too. With the submission deadline fast approaching, he knew there wouldn't be time. He was already behind, and they expected this to be done and without all these pointless errors!

What the hell was he supposed to do?

He squeezed his eyes shut, tears picking up again, and pain in his hand throbbing when he forced it into a fist and slammed it down on the desk. Fuck, that hurt!

He was supposed to have been making progress, but now things were even worse than they were before! He'd wasted all this time for nothing and he was right back at square one again!

He tried to catch his breath before any sobbing could return. The hyperventilating made him feel faint even faster than last time and he leaned forward, his eyes fixing on his bandaged hand. Why had that only worked for such a short while? Why had it worked at all?

He leaned down to try biting it again, but his hand was still already throbbing in pain.

Perhaps the other hand would be better? No, what if doing that hindered his ability to type fast enough or even at all? Small progress was better than no progress at this point, so there had to be something else.

He leaned back in his chair a bit, his mind starting to fog again.

Oh, no, that wasn’t good! He hadn’t even gotten anything useful done yet!

A jolt of pain ran up his arm and he reached up to cover his mouth again, knowing another sob was about to break out.

This wasn’t working.

The cry broke free anyway and rang loudly in his ears, the sound reverberating off the walls again, somehow still louder after all the short but cherished moments of silence he’d had in the meantime.

He slowly dropped his hands down to his neck, curling his fingers around each side. Without time to let a thought pass, he squeezed. Tight but not too tight, just enough to slightly hurt, just enough to get the breathing to stop for a moment, whether it was the hyperventilating or otherwise.

He felt a tingling sensation in his mouth, then the tingling traveled down to his chest. It was strong, almost overwhelming, numbing out the pain in his hand, and his mind provided no indication of what any of that should mean.

But then his chest heaved and he let go, sputtering. He grabbed at the tie around his neck, pushing and pulling it away, to help him breathe again. He felt at his neck with a few fingers and then pulled them away as the sensation against his skin began to sting.

He sucked in a breath and then exhaled....normally. Wait, that had worked? He was back to breathing normally again, albeit with large gulps of air at first, but no hyperventilating! He stared down at his hands, amazed that had worked so quickly, so efficiently.

He'd done it. This was the answer!

Staying focused, redirecting the pain when it overwhelmed him - it was a fast enough turnaround with minimal side effects that he could keep working!

It was perfect.

Even more enthused than his last bout of victory and progress, he leaned forward in his chair and went right back to work.

Based on the time he had left, he'd have to just power through into the questioning period to properly verify that the script pages and his notes of research were all submittable before the deadline, but that should be far more achievable now. Besides, he'd foregone sleep to do that plenty of times in the past without problem, and with this new process to keep his breathing maintained and steady, it should be simple.

Though his neck now occasionally ached, joining the continuing pulsing pain in his bandaged hand, Logan flipped another page of Roman's script, determined to get as much of this work done as he possibly could on time.

Some progress was still better than no progress, so he just needed to get close enough. Not that anything he did was ever enough, but he just had to accept that for now.

He pointedly ignored the clock again, and only paused every now and then to wipe away the tears that continued to trickle out for the next hour, silent and steady, as if he somehow held an endless supply within him. It was surprising he hadn't been able to stop, after all this time that had passed. He figured it had to stop on its own eventually, but more would always come.

Multitasking just a bit as he got near the end of the pile, he organized the files as he went, preparing them for the deadline. He readied everything he needed and tried not to allow any further delay. Forcing himself to stay on task, despite only the slightest pauses to deal with the constant silent tears, seemed to work.

His mind was still at odds with his goal here, but he couldn't deny that progress was being made. That was what mattered here, the rest of it was just a hindrance anyway.

And while he didn't feel calm, he figured that perhaps his misunderstanding of emotions had merely skewed his ability to recognize what that was meant to feel like. Maybe this was what was normal, and he'd finally achieved it? That should be a good thing. He should be satisfied.

–

By the time he was down to the last four pages of the script, just the barest pieces left, it was already well into the morning. Thomas hadn't woken up yet, as expected, and Logan considered his options as his new tasks were about to come due.

After he completed the last few pages, he would need to quickly review the full script as well as his own notes, checking for errors and typos. It shouldn't take too long, so long as there weren't too many mistakes. While he was doing that, he could remain available for questions regarding the shoot that would start in a couple hours.

The missing files were still missing, of course, but Logan had pushed that aside for now. Any time the thought resurfaced in his mind, he merely shoved it back down again.

He figured, if he could get everything else done first, he could try to find them just before the shoot started. It wasn't well thought-out, but even if it was, he knew everything would just spiral out of control again, so he was purposefully ignoring it until later. He could just do it later, surely.

He wiped more tears away. He really wished they'd just dry up already, especially since the other sides would come knocking any time soon and he didn't need them seeing him like this.

That choice was taken out of his hands, though, as Roman chose that moment to burst through Logan's door, announcing that he'd made some changes to his script overnight.

Logan grabbed the edge of his desk with his unbandaged hand, somewhat from genuinely being startled, somewhat to keep himself quiet, and pointedly stayed in position, not turning around.

"So I saw that there was this whole subsection about the passion of performance, right?" Roman had started to ramble a bit, and tossed down another copy of the script Logan had just spent the whole night working on. "And, right away, I was like, it has to be included so we have to have it in there!"

He laughed triumphantly, telling Logan he'd graciously made the needed notes last night and Logan could just throw out that part of the original script and just add the extra research in to the new part instead.

Logan had tried to speak, say just about anything in that moment, but his words shriveled to dust, leaving but a puff of air in their wake as they left his mouth. Nothing. Maybe that screaming had been a bigger problem than he'd even considered...

Roman then joked that it wasn't like Logan was busy, or anything, and walked his way back towards the door.

"Oh! Deadline's still the same, though, because we gotta be ready to film here in just a bit!" Roman oh-so-kindly added and then stepped back out into the hall before turning around one last time. "See you there!"

And then he shut the door.

Logan blinked, feeling the tears in his eyes still welling up and falling out.

He felt his shoulders hunch up but the pain he had relied on in his hand was gone, more numb than anything else now.

He bit his lip, trying to get ahead of this before it could get worse.

Okay. He breathed. He could do this - he could.

The deadline remained the same, but he still had some time left. He would only have to adjust for completion of the task, and completely obliterate any chance at all of ever finding those missing files, therefore making him unreliable to everyone, especially Thomas, but at least he’d get the script review done on time. That was technically better than both tasks going unfinished, right? One out of two wasn’t so bad, probably. At least, he hoped that was the case.

After another large inhale, his breath came out shaky again, and he barely held in a whine as the crying desperately attempted to come back in full.

No, not now! It was almost time to answer everyone’s questions as they got up for their own morning routines. He needed to stay focused and get everything done first. He didn’t have time to stop so uselessly again to deal with tears!

He glanced over at the clock. 7:06am. Just under two hours before Thomas would be awake.

With a dry swallow, Logan determinedly reached over to switch out the pages of Roman’s script, as instructed. Timing would be everything in these last couple hours.

He willed himself to be calm.

No more shaky hands getting in the way and keeping him unproductive. No more pointless crying, loud and obnoxious and keeping him from staying on task. No more rubbing his eyes to remove tears, constantly forcing him to pause his necessary duties.

These pointless distractions had to stop. Every second would count now.

It was quieter, though not silent. The tears were still coming, but only as a steady trickle. He could work with this.

Back to his research, he finalized which new additions would be placed where and tried to keep his mind as focused on that particular task as possible to block out any unwanted thoughts about how upset Thomas would be about the missing files once the deadline finally approached.

He couldn’t think about that now. He had to stay on task and get this done. That was what was most important.

Completing more of the research and turning more pages as quickly as he could manage in this state, he noticed he could hardly keep his eyes from drifting over to check the clock, and occasionally even the calendar posted up on the wall behind his desk, displaying the time Thomas would be prepping to film that morning in big, bold letters.

He blinked rapidly for a moment to remove some tears without having to stop himself from typing.

Timing was everything now, and as he turned another page, he wondered how much he could flex his schedule to try to guarantee his task completion. After all, he might be able to get away with only showing up just in time to begin his part of the shoot instead of getting there early to assist with the set up, as that would give him a tiny bit more time to prepare the script review. Would it be enough time to get everything done, like checking for the missing files? No, but even a few seconds could be made useful, he was sure of that.

So long as he didn’t squander them.

The problem, though, was that Thomas and the others expected him to be there early, as he always was, ready to coordinate Thomas’ setup for the cameras and verifying what equipment should be recording and when, so staying behind for the sake of grabbing a few seconds of extra time may not be possible if they ended up calling on him due to his absence.

He was meant to be considered reliable, after all.

He couldn’t let them down. But he also couldn’t let them down by not getting this research and review done thoroughly. There wasn’t a way to do everything right, but he had to do as much as possible for now and hope he somehow had a little more time left for the rest.

His eyes hurt as he tried blinking away more tears. He really wished he had found a better solution to all this.

–

A knock on his door was the exact signifier that the morning’s question period had begun. As Thomas was meant to be up fairly soon, his sides were all waking up and getting ready themselves, especially since they would be filming in just a short while.

Logan quickly contemplated his next course of action in regards to the barrage of questions he knew he’d be enduring over the next hour. Standing up and going to his door to answer each time would waste precious seconds that he could better use continuing to work, so he decided to stay at his desk and simply raise his voice when responding.

It also saved time in not having to make himself look halfway-presentable, as the crying had still not stopped. He would have to get it under control before filming started, but that was at the bottom of his priority list at the moment and would have to wait until the research was done.

The knock came again, followed by a timid, “Uhh, Logan? You awake?”

He tried not to roll his eyes at the ridiculousness of the question. Was this how they were starting the questions period, with inane inquiries he didn’t need to waste his time answering?

Of course he was awake. He hadn’t slept.

“I am,” he called out, not turning away from the computer as he finished up the next paragraph of notes and continued to ignore his silent tears. “What do you need?”

Virgil’s voice sounded clearer as he asked, “I just wanted to double-check, uhh… We’re starting right at 9:30, right?”

Logan realized Virgil must have opened the door to peek his head in, which is why his voice was louder, but he hadn’t heard the door click open. Worrying, but he’d ignore it for now.

He took a steadying but silent breath before responding simply and resolutely,

“Yes.”

His eyes fell on the clock again. Only 28 minutes before Thomas was meant to wake up, leaving a total of 52 minutes before the shoot began.

Logan heard Virgil mutter a thank you and close the door. First question done. Technically, this meant he was following his schedule correctly, so he should have found some satisfaction in that, but instead he found himself regretting it.

His throat felt tight and blinked away more tears, just barely feeling as one followed a past track all the way down his face and over his lips before dripping off his chin.

He resisted the urge to rub his eyes again, knowing it wouldn’t get the crying to stop anyway.

It was those damn missing files.

He wanted to just stop everything and go get them, but he knew he couldn’t. If Roman’s script wasn’t updated in time, everyone, not just Roman, would be horribly disappointed and it would also delay their filming day, ruining the rest of the day’s schedule, which could potentially push back the next day’s schedule, destroying the steady pace he’d set for Thomas to follow for the entire week.

All that work would be completely ruined, just because he didn’t feel like doing some more research right now! How pathetic. Why would he even consider stopping?

But he also knew Thomas would be upset about the missing files. He really didn’t want Thomas to be upset. Specifically, he didn’t want Thomas to be upset with him.

He squeezed his hands into fists. He had to just be satisfied with what he could get done for now. He knew that. He just had to accept it.

“Logan!” A loud, successive knock on his door rang out after the shout of his name, and Logan instinctively moved his hands up to cover his ears. No, wait, he couldn’t do that, he had to keep working!

He diligently moved his hands back to the keyboard to continue typing.

He called back, “Yes?”

His voice wasn’t as calm and clear as it was last time. He really hoped that he could maintain whatever level of control he’d managed to accumulate up to this point, or filming later was going to be awful. He really didn’t want to think about that.

He listened for the question.

No door opening this time. It was a question about the filming time again. Logan confirmed that, yes, they would be starting at 9:30.

He breathed as calmly as he could manage as soon as he heard the other side walk away.

There was something beating in his chest then. His heart, right. He had one of those.

It was beating so heavily, like it was trying to escape its confines.

Why was he reacting this way to some simple questions? He’d been expecting this - it was in the schedule! Why was he filled with… was this panic? He wasn’t sure.

He sighed, aggravated at his own uselessness, and turned another page over, blinking away more tears. Only a couple more pages left and he’d be completely done.

The end was finally in sight, and he would hopefully have just enough time to check it over again for typos and get himself ready before the shoot began.

Another knock. This time, he forced himself to not have a pointlessly-adverse reaction. He called out. They asked, he answered. They walked away.

See? He could do this. It was easy. His mind had all the answers ready, all he had to do was dispense them as needed.

Yet another knock. Yet another answer.

He turned over the next page.

More questions, more answers.

He could do this.

He powered through and was finally on the very last page when he heard an enthusiastic knock. It was Roman.

Not a question, though, he was just announcing that everyone needed to be heading down to the commons soon now that Thomas was finally awake.

Logan lifted his head, looking back at his door. He hadn’t even noticed Thomas had woken up. The unusual brightness in his room was suddenly apparent and he squinted, moving his gaze back to his computer screen.

This was good, though. Thomas was awake on time and Logan was just moments from being done with the research. He would have just enough time to organize and review before they started filming. The research was more to benefit his role in the episode, anyway, so if he was a little delayed in delivering it, that would be fine. No one had to know it was completed only minutes before they started, after all.

He ignored the new ache in his neck as he finally flipped over the last page of the script and added his last notes to his file.

Wiping the stray tears from his hands, he reached over and reorganized the stack of papers, placing Roman’s newest notes to the top of the pile.

A post-it note he hadn’t noticed before sat on the very top. Written across it in Roman’s cursive, fancy handwriting, read “Be sure to check over your new lines!!!”

Logan froze.

How had he not seen this earlier?

He immediately turned his attention back to the clock. 9:22am.

Shit, there wouldn’t be time to memorize whatever new lines Roman had added!

The silence in the room seemed ominously loud then. He held his breath.

Okay, just keep calm. This was fine.

He could feel more tears building up, still unending as ever, and he skipped blinking them away to instead reach at his throat again.

Fingers twitching but ready, he stopped before he began to squeeze. He didn’t need to do this. He didn’t have time.

He could just…probably attempt to memorize the lines right now, while he reviewed for typos. That was what would be expected of him. No wasting time with distractions, right?

This was fine. He sniffled, trying now to hold in the tears in his eyes. He could do this.

He flipped through the tabbed-off script to find his new lines. They hadn’t been marked, but Roman’s notes pointed to where they should be inserted. How gracious, how helpful.

Logan blinked, numerous tears falling to the paper and staining it. Roman would be pissed at that, but at least he would know his lines. That had to be good enough. Some progress was better than none, and blah blah blah.

He squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth. No, just think about the script. Memorize the lines. Switching tasks wasn’t meant to be difficult. He just needed to do it correctly.

He took another deep breath, and forced himself to scan over the script page again.

He flipped the page, his hand coming up to his tie instead of resting on the page this time. He yanked absently at the tie, trying to keep everything clear in his mind.

Read the words, know the words. It was easy. It was always supposed to be easy. He could do it.

He flexed his bandaged hand at his side. Another drop on the page told him the crying still hadn’t stopped, because of course he’d spent hours trying to do something and still managed to fail.

How completely worthless did he have to be for him to be so affected by pointless, confusing emotions that he couldn’t discern, and even more pathetic for continuing to be affected after literal hours of dealing with them?

While he’d technically gotten the other malfunctions to stop with physical pain, the crying had never once gone away. Not on its own, not with his own attempts.

He was kind of out of both time and ideas on getting it to stop now, though. And then he felt that familiar tug.

He was being called.

He took one last look at the time. 9:35am.

The others had already started then.

He went to take another deep breath, but it was shakier than ever before. The hand yanking at his tie was shaking. His neck itched; his bandaged hand did, too. The inside of his mouth felt dry, his chest felt tight, and - oh, what do you know, the headache was starting to come back, too!

Great.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the tug again. Okay. He could do this. He just needed to remember his opening lines, and then he could just let the others take the lead and use that to keep his focus.

He could do this.

–

He sank into the commons. He could hear a few voices already speaking, and he tried his best to maintain his proper posture as he rose up in his usual position next to Thomas’ staircase.

Without hesitation, he opened his mouth to state his newly-memorized opening line, but it came out as a whisper.

He stopped himself and started again, trying to speak more clearly, only for the slightest lilt in his voice to take hold and he heard everything else around him grow silent.

Oh, god. He’d fucked up.

No, no, no, he’d put all this work into everything, please just let him run the line again. He knew he could do it right, he just needed to try harder.

He should have tried harder the first time, obviously, but he swore he wasn’t this unreliable! Not usually, anyway…

That was when the question came.

“Uhm, Logan… Are you okay?”

He wasn’t even sure who it was asking him this. His gaze had fallen to the floor.

He had no idea if he could answer such a question, after everything that had happened.

But he’d already messed up, so he shouldn’t be so useless as to not answer their genuine questions, right?

He lifted his head, and tried not to squint as he looked past the bright set lights in his face. Thomas seemed to look concerned, eyeing him oddly.

Right, Logan remembered. He hadn’t bothered to clean up his appearance before sinking out of his room. That would have been the right thing to do, but he’d managed to forget and mess that up, too, huh?

He turned and looked over at Virgil, who appeared to be frozen in shock. He looked to Roman, seeing an expression he wasn’t sure he recognized. If he had to guess, Logan would say it was some sort of mix between disgust and confusion. He supposed that would make sense, given Logan’s present state.

And then he managed to gaze past the light at Patton, who was giving him that pity-filled frown, the one he makes whenever he sees an animal or infant fall over.

God fucking damn it all.

Logan apologized immediately. He knew, above all, he ought to not waste more of their time with this nonsense, but here he was, doing exactly that anyway.

He apologized again, but it came out lilted just like his memorized line had, and his words tasted salty.

Right, he was still crying.

Shit, he hadn’t stopped crying this whole time. He’d never gotten it to stop. How completely pathetic and worthless did he have to continue to be?

Couldn’t he just do one thing right today?

He looked back over at Thomas, trying to keep his posture intact as he asked - practically begged - to run his line again.

“I won’t– I swear,” he tried to assure him. “I won’t mess it up again.”

Thomas instantly refused, shutting him down.

Logan bit his lip. God, of course! Of course he had to go and mess it all up this badly!

He wanted to explain himself, elucidate his ability to say his lines. He just needed to calm himself back down and try harder. He could do it. He knew he could. He wasn’t completely worthless, no matter how much that seemed to be the case.

But the moment he opened his mouth to ask, Thomas cut him off.

“Logan, I need you to just try and calm down. Okay?”

Logan had never closed his mouth faster than he had in that moment.

He hadn’t succeeded then.

Whatever he’d done last night into this morning wasn’t good enough. Because it never was and never would be.

All that work was for nothing. He’d failed. He’d disappointed them, all because of some stupid malfunction that had come out of nowhere and one he couldn’t control or fix.

He was broken. He couldn’t even run lines for the episode, so that meant he’d been rendered completely useless to them. They couldn’t use him if he was broken.

What was he supposed to do now?

He couldn’t hear anything, but he could tell he had started crying profusely again. He could feel the sobs in his chest, but no sound reached his ears. Perhaps that should bother him, but nothing could hurt him more than his own regret right now.

He couldn’t be used. He couldn’t be fixed. He had tried everything he could think of, but no true solution existed!

A slight ringing started to sound in his ears, and he reached up to cover them, but it just grew louder. At least it was better than the likely reprimands he had to imagine the others were seconds away from making.

He really didn’t mean for any of this to happen. God, he felt absolutely awful.

His vision swam again. It’d been hours since he lost balance, and he reached out to the stairwell to steady himself, nearly missing.

He briefly heard shouting, but couldn’t make out what was being said.

He could have blamed the malfunction again, but now he was certain - he was always broken. The malfunction just finally made it easier for everyone to see.

That was why it had shown up. Because he’d been trying to hide the truth all this time. He was trying to deny how worthless he was, trying to find ways to prove it wasn’t true - but the malfunction made everyone aware of how completely useless he’d been to them all.

They deserved better.

He shakily turned to Thomas, who seemed to be stepping closer, but he couldn’t be sure.

Logan opened his mouth to apologize, but nothing came out but sobs at first.

“I’m sorry!” he screamed out, far louder than he should have.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he tried again, forcing the words out between sobs. “Tried– I… I tried. I tried to…fix it. Fi– fix me, but I…”

He broke off, sobbing louder then, but he could feel the intensity rising in his chest. He didn’t want to scream again. He didn’t want to keep burdening everyone with this. He needed to go.

He couldn’t do this.

He tried to cover his mouth but the moment his fingers were in front of his face, he bit at them, unsure if he were trying to get them to go away or if this was supposed to help things. He just needed it to stop. He needed something to stop.

He wasn’t even sure what, but something had to stop.

Maybe it was him.

He pulled the fingers away from his mouth and buried his face in his hands instead. His eyes were leaking so many tears, they escaped through the spaces between his fingers with ease.

What was he still doing there? Wasting all their time, that’s what.

He chanced a look back up at the others, pulling his hands down just enough to see.

They were all just…staring at him.

He was bothering them with this. He was wasting their time, wasting their precious time to film the episode…

Should he go? He should go.

If he wasn’t of use, maybe they could have Janus fulfill his role in the episode? At least then they wouldn’t have to deal with his incessant crying.

He tried to tell them, to suggest the alternative, so he could finally stop wasting their time.

“J… I–” He couldn’t seem to form words again. “He– Ja–”

More sobs. He just needed to tell them a solution! Why couldn’t he do the one thing he was built to do?

Logan held his breath but couldn’t keep it for long before he was heaving in another breath. Oh god, the hyperventilating had come back and he hadn’t even noticed!

Someone spoke up near him.

“What’s…happening right now?” That someone had asked.

It was quiet but clear. Was that Roman?

“Just tell us what happened.”

Logan covered his face again, breathing as much as he could through the sobbing.

He didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand.

How could he be expected to explain something he couldn't understand?

Nothing had happened! He was malfunctioning, but he was already broken! He always had been.

He hadn’t wanted to accept that, hadn't wanted them to know that. But now, they did know. They had to.

And he couldn’t fix this, no matter how much he wanted to.

He’d let them down, in the worst way possible.

“So,” he could hear Roman say then, “you do have emotions. How ‘bout that?”

Was that a laugh?

Logan shook his head, trying to keep his hands over his mouth. No, these weren’t emotions. They couldn't be, because this was the malfunction. They were never emotions, no matter what he tried to convince himself.

Patton must have realized the truth when Logan had asked for help last night. These weren’t emotions, it was just his uselessness finally on display for them to see.

He was malfunctioning because he was faulty. This was merely taking the metaphor of a slightly-hidden fracture and revealing the reality of an infected and quickly-detaching limb.

Torn, ruined, and useless - the best bet of saving everything else was to remove the limb entirely.

It meant he wasn’t of use to them like this. The malfunction was able to show them that he had never been of use to them at all.

That was why Roman had given him that task.

That was why Patton had told him to calm down.

That was why Thomas had told him to calm down, too.

That was why he had let them all down. It was inevitable that he’d fail. He was broken, he wasn’t capable of succeeding.

“Ju–” he tried, moving his hands from his mouth, still barely managing to speak through the sobs. “Just malfunctioning. Just…broken.”

His chest hurt so much. His vision swam again and then went completely white for a moment before returning to normal, albeit slowly, gradually. Well, 'normal' meaning blurry and full of tears, but at least he could see the others still standing nearby, unmoving, keeping their distance.

He wasn’t sure he could keep himself standing much longer, though. His knees felt weak.

He supposed that meant he was just about to prove how much more pathetic he could be.

He couldn’t fix this. He couldn’t fix himself. They wouldn’t be able to see past his mistakes, even if he could somehow, miraculously fix everything now. He wasn’t sure why he’d deluded himself with the notion for so long, thinking that it was possible to continue on, that he could just make it up to them.

He hadn’t even been able to locate those missing files. He hadn’t even tried!

He would never be good enough.

His hand and neck began to throb in pain again, after all this time in numbness.

He deserved all this pain, all this distrust and disappointment. He had earned it through his failure, his inaction, his ineptitude.

Maybe things could have been different if he had actually tried harder. If he had spent just a little more time trying to understand instead of ignoring his faults, then maybe he wouldn’t have been so useless.

But it was too late now.

He wanted there to be another chance for him to change their mind, but he knew it would never happen. Not now.

Really, he should have expected something to go wrong.

He slowly looked up, the bright lights searing into his eyes and the ringing in his ears mixing with his own sobs and what may have been the others speaking to him, but he couldn’t be sure.

He turned to see Thomas one more time. He looked confused.

Logan stumbled back, forcing himself to stand.

He couldn’t keep disappointing them like this. Staying here and wasting all their time, their precious time. So much precious time.

Today would have to be the last opportunity he’d ever have to fail them like this. It could not - would not - ever happen again.

It came to him then. He had a solution.

The real answer had been lying in his failure all along - he hadn’t tried hard enough.

Tears dripped down his face as he reached his hands back up to his neck.

The crying had to stop, and he knew what to do. It all had to stop, for good.

No hesitation, he tightened his grip around his neck, squeezing as hard as he could. He had to try harder this time. That was what he had to do.

He squeezed, his mouth going numb, his eyes stinging in sharp pain, his chest heaving in desperation… He ignored the rushing blood in his ears, the sudden jolts of stinging pain on his arms… until everything went dark.

End notes: Thanks for reading! Just for some peace of mind - Logan does not die at the end here, his grip would have given out after he passed out.

If enough people are interested, I could write a short follow-up chapter to this fic that’s purely comfort, to show some aftermath and the other sides & Thomas trying to properly help Logan and understand what had him so stressed! Just let me know if you’d like to see that.

43 notes · View notes

felixcloud6288 · 5 months ago

Text

Higurashi: Massacre Chapter 20

Thankfully, Rika realized she shouldn't trust Okonogi.

She's noticed the irony over getting the security from Takano that she's wanted and it's only making her feel less safe.

Rika seems to be hedging her bets. She isn't entirely convinced Ooishi is correct about Takano but he gave a compelling enough argument to make Rika afraid to put her faith in Okonogi.

Her calling for support from Ooishi is a smart move. Either the Wild Dogs are Rika's allies or they're her enemies. If they're her allies, then the extra police help is an extra security layer. But if they aren't, they act as a line of defense against the Wild Dogs.

Kinda crazy how much Rika's opinion on Ooishi has shifted this arc. She initially thought his appearance was a bad omen and now he's someone she's willing to go to for help.

Rika is trying to rally whoever she can to help her, including Hanyu. Hanyu's not positive on the outcome and when Rika brings up the whole "We all need to believe" rhetoric her friends used, Hanyu just gets angry.

I think Hanyu is angry at the hypocrisy of Rika's words. Rika is telling her that they need to band together to make a miracle happen, but here is Rika trying to rely on a ghost with no power to impact anything rather than rely on the friends who are willing to fight for her.

Y'know, this is the first time Rika's friend group hasn't imploded on itself because of Rule X. She's always been forced to deal with her enemies alone. Despite being able to tell others to reach out for help, Rika has never had the chance to try it herself because her friends are always dead, or in the midst of delusion, or are actively causing the problems Rika has to deal with.

She's using bad coping mechanisms to deal with the situation.

Fortunately for her, her friends fully got the memo.

The question arcs are all different scenarios where Rika's friends fall into paranoia and distrust which leads to the deaths of many people. The answer arcs have been revealing what is actually going on and what could have been done to prevent those scenarios.

And the recurring thing that was always necessary was they needed to trust and believe in each other. Rika's friends have all internalized that lesson. At this point, Rika is the only holdout left.

She's been told over and over about belief and working together and trust, but she still keeps having to unlearn 100 years of bad habits.

And oh goody-goody. We're finally going to learn what is Hinamizawa Syndrome now that Rika is willing to trust her friends to help.

back

#higurashi no naku koro ni #higurashi when they cry #higurashi no naku koro ni reread

2 notes · View notes

memo15g · 4 months ago

Text

Clinic Day 4 (7/14) | Mary Ngo (UCSD)

Last day of clinic ahhh, I woke up late per usual. Truc and I came down to the breakfast room at around 6:20 for our 6:30am call time. I was going to eat just my rx bar, but one of the Vietnamese doctor volunteers (who I actually took photos for her and the rest of the Vietnamese volunteers from HCM with her the day before) lectured me to get at least a bánh mì with egg. Then, we left for clinic a bit late (per usual) but thankfully the school is really really really close. On the way there, I sat with Anh! As we got to clinic, I went to my scheduled area to do vitals! I got to take a loooot of people's blood glucose! It was also nice to work on my Vietnamese (and get humbled occasionally). I was with Cindy, Avery, Truc, Jaimie, and Clara! It was nice to experience Jaimie and Clara become trilingual kekeke. The Vietnamese volunteers also brought us all drinks of our choice (I chose coffee). I also did some translating when conversing with Cô Mười when we ran out of cholesterol test strips (and also experienced being endearly facepalmed onto my own face by her...) and helped to resolve for planning for vitals later! Then, around 10:20am, Chu Andy came asking for someone to fill in at dental, so I come over there! I then started assisting Dr. Tiana with cleaning/perio!

Above: Almost done with dental clean-up!

I was able to get a lot more perspective and understanding of practicing on a tooth and feel, as I had also had some guidance while assisting Dr. Aaron the day before! We did 2-3 cleanings before the crowd died down (happy early clinic ending!), and then proceeded to chat it up with 2 of the Vietnamese dentist volunteers. Dr. Tiana got their facebooks, they learned my Vietnamese name, I also got one of their facebooks, and just chatted about our experiences and stuff! I also learned I have a northern dialect... thats crazy!!! I also learned one of them graduated from the dental school one of my cousins currently attends! Then, we helped start packing stuff away and cleaning. Then, I ate lunch with Dylan, Addy, Danielle, Bao, and Anthony. The kanh and nuoc mam chicken was delicious... then I got to chat with Anthony (who unlocked more Mary lore), watched some volleyball, then headed back. We helped the HCM dental team pack their equipment and then parted ways! I also tried Vinamilk for the first time and was exactly like my dad said (yummier bc they leave their butter in the milk).

Then, we ended our day at clinic with one final photo with the remaining MEMO volunteers and local volunteers. After the clinic, I went to mass with Dr. Tiana, Truc, Thu, Bella, and Nicholas. I was surprised by how large and beautiful the church was in Sóc Trăng, as the one I typically go to in HCM is much, much smaller and simpler. Then, Khue, Truc, Thu, and I enjoyed a treat from Dr. Tiana as we saw the streets a bit and got massages. Khue's masseus was very nice and cracked our backs (including mine LOL) while calling us babies. We then got to the restaurant, where it started raining. My table had to grab our plates and start running to cover with it! It was quite funny to look like a server (PTSD for me...), and then we enjoyed a simple meal while hearing some lovely voices from the Vietnamese providers!

Above: Enjoying dinner after running from the rain

I was able to befriend 2 of the local providers and a young girl, and they are also sweet and silly. If I were lucky enough to get to come again next year, I hope to reunite. UCSD dance team (Julies, Michelle, Sammy, and I) had to dance once again, as well... and then we headed home for a good night of sleep before heading back to HCM!

#clinic

0 notes

im-just-a-mississippi-girl · 2 years ago

Text

Be Careful What You Wish For

Pairing: Trent Beretta x female!reader

Category: Smut

Word count: 2,518

Summary: During your date night dinner, you find it hard focusing on anything other than dessert. On the car ride home, you push your luck one too many times, and you’re more than willing to deal with the consequences.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, Stern yet Soft Dom!Trent, female reader but no description of reader, dirty talk, face sitting, Brat Tamer!Trent, fingering, intense orgasm resulting in tears

Dedicated to: @wheeler-beretta-harwood Hope you love it hun! 😉

Masterlist

Taglist

I do not own this gif. Credit to owner!

You were currently out at dinner with your longtime boyfriend, Trent Beretta. The night was going good. There was laughter, your favorite food, your favorite drink, your favorite person, your favorite restaurant. Trent did an excellent job in planning date night tonight. The only thing missing was dessert; your favorite dessert: Trent. You had a plan to make sure you got dessert as soon as possible.

As the night continued, you couldn’t keep your focus on the conversation instead your focus was on your handsome man’s sexy body. You had to get him home now. Thankfully, the waitress must have seemed to get the memo because she quickly brought over the bill and gave you a subtle nudge with a wink. Were you being that obvious or did she just pick up on the vibe? You weren’t sure, but you gave her a very appreciative look before she left the table.

Once the bill was paid and a generous tip was left for the waitress, who you whispered a ‘thank you’ to on your way out the door, you and Trent were in the car headed to your shared home. The ride home you kept stealing glances at him and teasing him by placing your hand on his thigh and slowly moving your hand up his leg. You could hear his breathing change from steady to rapid. You knew you didn’t have much time before he parked in the driveway of your home so you went to work, palming him through his jeans.

Trent groaned, shooting you a look that said ‘be careful what you wish for’. You could tell he was just as turned on as you were by the way he gently but firmly grabbed your wrist, moving your hand away. “Wait. We’re almost home.” His stern voice and that look just made you wetter. You knew better than to put your hand back on him, but that’s exactly what you did. You were feeling bold and bratty, regardless of the consequences.

Once again, Trent removed your hand, rougher this time. He kept a tight grip on your wrist, not enough to hurt you but enough to make you keep from trying again. You whined at being denied of teasing him, and tried to wiggle your wrist free, but every time you tried, he squeezed your wrist. “You can try all you want, but it’s not happening, babygirl.” He informed you of your futile attempts. You knew he was right; you weren’t going to be able to tease him any more…. at least not in the car. You looked out the window, smirking to yourself as you thought about the things you would do to him once you both entered your house.

Finally coming to a stop in the driveway, Trent released your wrist for you to exit the car. No sooner than the two of you were out of the car you made a show of walking to the front door, swaying your hips a little more than normal, you slowly and subtly pulled the hem of your dress up your thighs as you stopped at the front door, waiting for Trent with keys. You could tell you were going to be in for a good night by the way he had to adjust himself once out of the car, plus the look he was giving you as you watched him make his way to the door. His eyes were dark with lust and want, his gaze hooked on you as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Your eyes trailed further south to the very noticeable bulge in his pants; you gazed lingered there as you licked your lips and knowing your panties were probably soaked by now, imagining all the things you wanted to do him.

With your thoughts running wild in your head, you failed to realize Trent had made his way to the front door. Standing behind you, he pressed you back against his chest, your ass pressed against his hard bulge. You jumped when he placed a sensual kiss to your neck and reaching around your body to place the key in the lock, opening the door.

Trent placed his hands on your hips, pushing you gently through the threshold and into the living room; his grip was firm on your hips in order to keep you in place. You made a futile attempt to turn around to face him but he squeezed your hips, grip tightening ever so slightly. You whimpered, not getting your way and in desperation, only to hear your boyfriend chuckle darkly. “You really think you can tease me in the car, and I wont punish you? That’s where you’re wrong. You think you can be bold and bratty? Babydoll, you should have learned by now. How many times do we have to go over this? How many times do I have to teach you?” Trent questioned, his voice low, rough, and commanding.

You swallowed thickly, knowing you really did it this time, but you also knew that, once you got your man to this point, you were in for a very, very good time. You didn’t care at this point what your punishment would be. You decided to test the water and grind your ass against his cock.

Just as you thought you had won, Trent released your hips, stepping away from you and pulling you firmly towards your bedroom. “Strip. Now.” He commanded, already ridding himself of his dress shirt and tossing it who knows where before stopping to watch you. “You wanted to put on a show at the front door, so here’s your chance.” He gestured to your still dress clad body.

You smirked, nodding and being your strip show. You slowly pulled your dress up like you had down moments prior, keeping your eyes locked on his dark, lust filled ones. You pulled the thin straps down off your shoulders, biting your lip as you noticed his fingers twitch, itching to touch you. You slowly unzipped your dress on the side, letting it fall open, the cool air hitting the side of your body causing a slight shiver to run through you.

The next thing you know Trent his right in front of you, yanking your dress off of you and dropping it to the floor. You could have swore you heard the dress ripping in the process with how impatient and quick he all but tore it off you. That didn’t matter now. You could buy another dress. He quickly made short work of removing your bra and panties.

Once finally naked, Trent’s lips met yours in a rough, urgent kiss, all his patience gone as well as his jeans and underwear. When did he take those off? You reciprocated the kiss, arms wrapped around his neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You you were too absorbed in the heated kiss to realize Trent had been slowly backing up towards the bed until the back of your legs were met with the bed.

Finally reaching the destination, Trent broke the kiss and softly pushed you backwards onto the bed. Not a moment was lost as he went straight for your neck, kissing and sucking the skin, making sure you’d have marks to remember the night. You let out a moan as he continued to mark your neck; he knew just how sensitive your skin was there and he always took advantage. He continued down to your chest, stopping at your breasts to lick each nipple, causing you to gasp and close your eyes as you take in the sensation of his tongue on your breasts. He kisses one while fondling the other then switching after what felt like hours, when it was really only minutes. Trent takes turn sucking on each one all while you bring your hands up to cradle the back of his head as paid blissful attention to your sensitive breasts, moans falling from your lips one after one.

“Trent… baby… please…” You whine as the ache the between your legs grows more and more as time goes by. You try bucking your hips up to meet his for some sort of friction, but Trent had you pinned beneath him. You desperately try one more time only to stop suddenly when Trent lets go of your breasts and grabs both your wrists and pinning them above your head in one swift movement. You gasp at the fact that you’ve messed up by trying to lure him to your pussy, but also at the dominant act. You know your wetness has to be dripping onto the bed in response.

“No. You don’t get to be a brat and get to cum when you want.” He tells you, moving off you and laying on the bed beside you. “Come on. Sit on my face. You’ve got a lesson to learn.” He sternly informs you with that deep, sexy voice and lust filled eyes.

You’re stunned. He’s never done this before. Typically, he’ll settle between your legs and go to town, or he’ll position you on all fours and have his way with you. This is new, and you’re not sure how you feel; yes, you’re turned on and find it hot, but at the same time, your nervous of the unknown position he’s interested in.

Knowing you like the back of his hand, Trent can sense your hesitation and his eyes soften as he gently pulls you on top of him. “Don’t be shy now, sit on my face.” He encourages, examining your face, searching for any type of discomfort. When he sees your eyes locked on his, he can see you thinking it through. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to. I just want you to feel good. Feel safe and comfortable too.” He softly reminds you, propping up on his elbows.

You nod, trusting your boyfriend. He’s never hurt you intentionally, made you uncomfortable, disrespected you, or forced you to do something you didn’t want to. You know this is no different, so you push him back down on the bed by his shoulders. “Okay. Let’s do it.” You finally speak, your confidence back and nervousness gone. You move your body up towards Trent’s face, and he helps you get into position.

He was originally going to have you ride his face until you were in tears from all the orgasms, but given the situation that just unfolded, he opted to go slow and gentle, letting you take the led despite the build up to this point. He knows he should have mentioned trying this beforehand, but you’re typically adventurous and enthusiastic to try anything at least once so your nervousness caught him off guard. He wasn’t sure why you were hesitant, but he made a mental note to ask about it later.

Once you had settle and your pussy was above Trent’s face, he softly placed his hands on your hips and brought your pussy down to his mouth and licked a slow and deliberate stripe between your folds. You let out a loud moan, “Oh fuck….” Trent repeated the action a few more times before gripping your hips and bringing you down a little further so he could really please you.

You couldn’t help the moans escaping your lips as Trent licked and sucked. It was almost sinful how well Trent knew your pussy and just exactly what you liked. He expertly flicked his tongue over your clit over and over and over to the point you had tears in your eyes. When his tongue delved inside your pussy, he truly began to work his magic. Your hands shot to his head in an effort to remain upright and keep still. It’s as if he read your mind when Trent used the grip he had on your hips to began moving your lower half at a slow pace. He continued thrusting his tongue in and out of you faster and faster with each thrust.

You had finally gained more confidence to ride his face without assistance. Once you got a rhythm going, you were moaning like never before. A slap to your ass made you yelp and pick up the pace. You weren’t sure how much longer you could last, that familiar feeling creeping up. “Fuck… Trent… please let me cum.” You begged as he grabbed your hips once more, keeping you going at the fast pace.

He could tell you were getting close to your orgasm, but he wasn’t ready to let you have it just yet. You were a brat earlier after all. He went back to licking and sucking your clit with a firm grip on your hips. “Please….” You whimpered close to tears.

“You can beg all you want babygirl, but I’m not done with you just yet.” He let one hand go of your hip and began to rub fast circles with his thumb on your clit. You made the mistake of looking down at him and would have came right then if he had given you permission. His mouth was glistening with your juices, his eyes filled with lust and determination to give you the orgasm of all orgasms. You knew that was the goal especially when he slipped a finger in your pussy as he attached his mouth to your clit once again.

“Fuck! Trent!” You shout out loudly, not caring if your neighbors heard because what your boyfriend was doing to you, what he was making you feel was heavenly. Your orgasm was approaching even faster when you felt him add a second finger. He pulled his mouth away from your clit and you whined in frustration.

“You gonna cum for me babygirl?” Trent asked, voice dripping with determination, desire, and urgency. You nodded, unable to speak as he picked up the pace pumping his fingers in and out of your pussy. “Good. You better scream my name baby.” He smirked because diving back in.

You were most certainly going to scream his name. He continued thrusting his fingers quickly and tongue was doing wonders on your clit. Tears had finally began to spill down your cheeks. With a few final thrusts of his fingers and him sucking on your clit with everything he had, you’re gushing. “Oh! Fuck! Trent!” Your hands on his head, tears falling freely as you orgasm and he works you through the aftershocks.

Trent’s mouth is soaked with your juices, but he loves it. It lets him know he did his job and that he did that job well. He wipes his mouth quickly with the back of his hand and carefully helps you lay down next to him on the bed. “You did so good baby. I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.” He praised you, gently and carefully pulling you into his arms and kissing the top of your head.

You smile weakly, head buried his strong chest. “I love you too.” You manage to whisper out before quickly falling asleep, wrapped up in your lovers arms. Safe, sound, and loved.

#trent beretta #trent beretta x reader #trent beretta imagines #trent beretta imagine #aew #all elite wrestling #aew imagine #aew imagines #aew fic #aew fanfic #aew fanfiction #trent beretta fanfic #trent beretta smut #trent beretta fanfiction #trent beretta fic

64 notes · View notes

m4tthewmurd0ck · 3 years ago

Text

𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧 ~ 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐌𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐱 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞) 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫!

【 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 】 (below the cut)

click *HERE* to be taken to the table of contents

word count: 2.6k

still accepting requests for my 200 followers celebration, click *HERE* to read my latest piece and see how to submit a request!

MATT MURDOCK WAS HIDING SOMETHING. Exactly what that something was, you didn’t know… yet. But it was obvious, painfully so. You woke up about an hour after Matt left, and when he didn’t come back after a few minutes, you knew he wasn’t just in the bathroom. So you attempted to stay up to see if he was alright, but he was gone so long that eventually you fell back to sleep.

In the morning when you asked how he slept, and he simply responded “good”, you knew for sure that something was up. But still, you didn’t want to press the issue. You trusted Matt and just hoped that if something was going on or something was wrong, he’d tell you eventually.

Of course once you asked Matt that question, he immediately felt guilty. Listening to your heartbeat after he answered, he was sure that you knew he was lying. And this wasn’t his first time lying about what he did at night, but it was the first time you spent the night and there hadn’t been any drinking involved. You stayed because he asked a favor, and that somehow made it worse.

But he did mean it when he said that he slept good. You being there made it more peaceful. When he finally did climb back into bed, listening to your heartbeat made it so much easier to drift off to sleep.

When you simply moved on to another topic of conversation, it was an immense relief. He could only hope that you weren’t skeptical, although he knew better than to hope for something like that. You were, after all, one of the smartest people that he knew.

For an unknown amount of time, as he lay there, he couldn’t help but think of you once again. The 2 of you were extremely close pretty much since the first day you met. And there was only one period of time when you weren’t on speaking terms, when Elektra came into the picture.

The woman instantly disliked you, and Matt had become so infatuated with her that he listened when she said that it hurt her that he spent so much time with you. He still remembers how pathetic he must’ve sounded, and looked, when he called you in a panic after Elektra had abandoned him at Roscoe’s mansion.

It took a lot of long conversations, but you finally let him back into your life and he swore to himself that he’d never lose you like that again. He couldn’t.

You and Foggy were pretty much the only constants in his life. And really, you were the only constant woman. Despite his feelings for you that he’d long since pushed aside, he never made any sort of move with you.

Keeping this secret from you was only becoming more and more painful. But he also grew more terrified every time he thought about what might happen when he eventually did tell you.

If you ended up wanting nothing to do with him, Matt knew that he’d have to respect that. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time that a situation made him feel so torn. Thankfully, he was pulled from his thoughts when you moved next to him, speaking up a few seconds later.

“Foggy just text you,” you handed him his phone that had fallen onto the floor at some point.

He played the voice memo that Foggy had sent, saying that he was going to head to the office soon and that Matt and Karen should meet him there.

“Are you alright?”

Matt had been sulking laying down on his bed, but moved to a sitting position, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, just thinking,” he felt the bed shift when you got up, then again when you walked around to his side and sat next to him.

“Promise?” You held a hand up, smiling when he held his up without even looking, and you linked pinkies, shaking on it. Although you still had your doubts, and you knew he was hiding something from you, you decided to let it go for now. At least until he and Foggy were done helping Karen.

Matt quickly got dressed, saying he’d call a car for you, him, and Karen, and he’d just ask the driver to drop you off at your apartment before they headed to the office.

“Come here,” you laughed, noticing a small piece of hair sticking out by Matt’s ear.

He sat down on the bed and you walked over to him, running a hand through his hair, smoothing it back into place. Matt closed his eyes, liking the way your hand felt a little too much.

“You sure you’re okay?” You asked once more, softer this time.

He nodded, leaning in to your touch. You were like that for only a short moment, and Matt could’ve had even just a few seconds where he could see, he would have chosen that moment. He’d give anything to be able to look at you as you looked at him.

“We should get going,” you finally broke the silence. “Foggy sounded urgent, you guys must have a lot of work to do. I can wash these clothes when I get home and bring them back to you later.”

“Keep them,” Matt smiled as he stood up, “they look better on you.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

He shrugged, “I just do.”

Karen was already awake and changed into the day clothes that you had brought for her. Matt briefly explained the plan, adding on that they could stop at Starbucks or somewhere similar first to grab a quick bite to eat.

“Can you come too? To, to the office?” Karen felt like she was maybe pushing her luck, but talking to you was the most at-ease she had felt in a long time.

“Yeah, of course. I can come with you guys for a little bit and head home when you’re discussing legal stuff. We should still swing by my place though so I can change out of these clothes,” you looked down. As comfortable as you were, you didn’t need Foggy asking questions. Well, any more questions. You already knew he was going to have a few when he found out you spent the night, even if it was at Karen’s request.

Matt thanked you for going with them as you all waited for the car to pull up. Once at your apartment, you quickly ran upstairs and came back down just over 5 minutes later. As much as you loved getting ready for the day, you simply settled for brushing your teeth, making your hair look presentable, and changing your clothes.

“Your outfit is really cute,” Karen smiles once you’re back in the car.

“Thank you! Figured I should dress at least a little nice, might also run a couple of errands before coming back home. I’ve actually had these clothes since college, I used to wear this exact outfit quite a lot.”

Matt briefly put a hand on your shoulder, “the outfit from the thrift store on fifth avenue?”

Karen stared at him, clearly surprised. “How… how did you know?”

“The shirts a different material, almost silk-like. And since she bought the pants at the same time, they usually get paired together.

It wasn’t much longer until you all arrived at the office and saw Foggy glancing out of the front doors. He held them open as you all entered, and as Matt and Karen walked ahead, you briefly explained that you were just there at Karen’s request. Once you mentioned that you thought she might feel more comfortable with another woman around, Foggy nodded in understanding.

When Matt and Foggy step into another room, Karen quickly asks if you can go with her to the grocery store that she saw down the street.

After a quick “we’ll be right back!”, and not waiting for an answer, you make your way down the street, returning to the office less than 15 minutes later. Karen heads to the kitchen while you promise to keep the guys busy so she can surprise them.

“You busy when you go back to work?” Foggy asks once you knock on the door and Matt says it’s alright to come in.

You groaned, putting your head down on the table. “I’m half-joking about my complaining. But yes. My boss is out of town starting halfway through the day I get back, so that day plus the next two days I’m basically running the gallery on my own. Then he comes back but we have a big showcase coming up so it’ll be non-stop running the gallery while also planning for that.”

“Oh nice! Why the show though, don’t you only do a few big ones a year?”

“I guess there’s some artist that he knows, I don’t know who yet, honestly forgot to ask. But he’s a friend of Simon’s and I guess he wants to feature a bunch of new paintings. Ones that he did himself and apparently he also has quite the collection and wants to donate a few for auction.” You then launched into an animated discussion about how deep down you were really excited for the showcase because Simon had asked if you’d like to try your hand at planning this event, saying he’d pay you double for any overtime that you ended up working, on top of the bonus he’d give you just for saying yes.

As Matt listened to you speak, he really admired how passionate you were about art. And remembering what you said when you first met, he’s proud of you.

Foggy glances at his best friend, resisting the urge to sigh. The smile on Matt’s face makes it painfully obvious how he feels about you. And he noticed the way that you look at Matt as he’s talking.

Matt’s crush on you was so obvious in college, he’s surprised that you never picked up on it. But through the years, Foggy knew that Matt had hooked up with random girls. And while there was nothing wrong with that, the fact that none of them came around for a second or third date made him secretly hope that Matt never tried to date you.

“Okay!” Karen exited the kitchen holding a pan with a towel in place of oven mitts. “So I know it’s not much in the way of repayment, but it is my grandmother’s recipe, and I hope you guys like it.”

“Not that I’m complaining,” Foggy gratefully accepts the food onto his plate, “because this smells amazing, but shouldn’t you be thanking the nut in the mask?” Karen pauses for a moment. “He’s not a nut. I mean, he’s a little weird maybe—”

Matt coughs loudly, “we’re just glad you’re okay.”

“Hear, hear!” Foggy cheers, raising his glass.

“Well if it weren’t for either of my lawyers I’d probably still be in that cell, or dead. I owe you both a lot more than a meal. Also,” she turned to face you, “I just wanted to thank you again. Not just for letting me borrow the clothes, but for staying and talking to me too.”

“You’re welcome. And if you ever want some girl talk, or just anything really, you can call me. Or, you know, text me if I’m at work.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate that.”

The next few moments are spent enjoying the food in complete silence. After that, Karen mentions overhearing you talk about an art gallery, and she’s fascinated listening to you talk about your job. Foggy loves that it makes you happy, and while Matt does too, he’s mostly happy just to listen to the sound of your voice.

“Well I should get going,” you stand up, “I know you all have a lot of legal work to talk about.”

“Oh— I don’t mind if you’re here for that too, I trust you.”

Foggy speaks up, “legally we can’t force you not to tell my sister anything that’s discussed, but I should stress the importance of keeping the details of your case within your defense team. If you choose to allow her to sit in on these meetings, she’s at risk for being found as a confidant, and if it comes down to it, they might say she’s a close friend of yours which could result in her getting dragged to trial. I’m confident it wouldn’t get that far, but we’d be taking the chance.”

You stay quiet, wanting the decision to come from Karen. If she’s more comfortable and able to speak freely having you there, you’d be willing to risk the consequences. But you also understand that she might not be able to discuss certain things with you there.

In the end, Karen insists that she doesn’t want to risk you have to go to trial and sit in front of a jury.

As you gather your things, Matt says he’ll walk you out again as Foggy leads Karen to one of their offices.

“So, you take the offices with the view?” You ask once you’re both standing outside of the building.

“Actually, we never did flip for it so I may have to remind Foggy. Thanks again for coming, and for staying last night.”

“Of course. Let me know if you need help again. I’m free tonight and all day tomorrow since it’s my last day off before things get crazy.”

Once your Uber arrives, you and Matt hug goodbye and as usual, he waits until the car drives away before heading back into the building.

Later that night, Foggy calls and invites you for drinks with Matt and Karen. But you’re so tired that you just tell him to have a good night and you promise to join next time.

Early the next morning, you’re woken up by a few texts from Foggy. By early, you mean really early. Looking out of your bedroom window, you see that the sun is only just about to start rising. You forgot to put your phone on vibrate before going to bed, so the loud notifications immediately wake you.

After laying in bed for a few more minutes, you force yourself out of bed. Taking a quick shower just to help yourself wake up more, you’re feeling a little better by the time you’re done. Changing into the first outfit you manage to put together, you order coffee and pastries on an app for the bakery down the street. Setting a record for the time it takes you to get ready, you’re out the door just 10 minutes after exiting the shower.

When you arrive at Matt’s front door, you briefly put the coffees down as you fish the key out of your wallet. Once inside, you immediately know that he isn’t there. It’s too quiet, and even if he was asleep he would’ve heard you opening his door and been right there to greet you.

You put the food and drinks down on the kitchen counter, then sit on his couch to wait. It’s not long before you feel yourself growing tired again, and eventually you lay down. Just minutes later, you’re asleep, waiting for Matt to come home.

#charlie cox #daredevil #matt murdock #matt murdock au #daredevil au #daredevil x you #daredevil x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x reader #marvel #marvel au #mcu #matt murdock x fem!reader #daredevil x fem!reader #matt murdock imagine #daredevil imagine #matt murdock reader insert #daredevil reader insert

59 notes · View notes

twinklelilstarkey · 4 years ago

Note

Angsty fight with Freddie??

A/N: Of course, baby! Here it is. Sorry that it’s a bit trash, I suck at angst sometimes.

God, he’s so beautiful.

“And how is any of that my fault?” You scream at him from the other side of the kitchen island, waving your arms around as you express your frustration.

“You let him touch you the whole night!” He screams while pointing at you, starting to make his way out to the living room, “Come on, Y/N, I thought you were smarter than this.”

“Are you serious, Freddie?” You say defensively, following him, “He’s my friend, I can’t just push him to the ground.”

“You guys almost fucking kissed!” He says, stopping to walk to look at you dumbfounded.

“He was blackout drunk! He probably thought I was someone else.”

He shakes his head and looks outside the window of the apartment, almost as if he can’t bear to look at you.

“Like that's an excuse.” He says under his breath.

“It sure is.” You answer him calmer, and you notice, just by his expression, that he didn’t expect you to hear him. “I didn’t kiss him, he tried to kiss me. You can’t blame me for this.”

He shakes his head, still looking out of the window.

“Can you?” You ask.

“I can, Y/N. I can because he’s your friend.” He says, now bringing his eyes back to you. “He should know not to touch you, and not to fucking kiss you. Especially when you’re meeting my friends for the first time!”

You look down at the ground somewhat defeated and he lets out a sigh.

He doesn’t say anything else and you follow his gaze out of the window when you find yourself without words to say. Your mind is affected by the alcohol, and it feels clogged - like only half of the stuff you want to say actually comes out of your mouth.

You feel so ridiculous when arguing with Freddie. But he’s right, in a way. Today was supposed to be special and it was really important to him. You were finally going to meet his friends/teammates after dating for almost 5 months.

It was supposed to be perfect, but it wasn’t.

It began as planned: you met up with Freddie at the front of a bar. It wasn’t as busy as you expected it to be, and inside there were just a few people scattered around the big room. Some of them were his friends, who were sitting by a table.

For the first hours, everything went super well. They were all extremely nice to you, and they were always starting a conversation with you. And all of that happened while Freddie sat beside you, with a proud smile on his face, and with his arm around you securely.

It was going great. No problems, yet.

As the bar got busier, it also began to be as claustrophobic as you expected it to be in the beginning. Everyone started to be squished onto the sides of their tables to let others pass onto the bar to get drinks, and at one point, everyone is already used to getting elbowed in the back and having someone glued to their ass and back.

That’s exactly when a high school (guy) friend of yours appears.

Thankfully, some of Freddie’s friends had left by then, leaving you with only 2 of them, which were too deep in a conversation with him to notice.

Your friend said ‘hello’ to you with a hug and a small wave to everyone else at the table, and right off the bat, you knew this wasn’t going to be good. He’s a super handsy person, especially when drunk, and today is not a good day for that.

But that’s exactly what happened.

You introduced him to Freddie, who you said very clearly that it’s your boyfriend. And from a mile away anyone could tell how much Freddie did not look, in any way, comfortable or understanding towards the guy after whatever hug he just pulled you in.

To be honest, you expected your friend to just say ‘hi’ and go, but that is surely the opposite of what happened since the bar is so packed, it just made him lean in closer and not walk away, at all.

So, he stayed there the whole night, sitting by you and Freddie’s friends.

His arm would wrap around your shoulders out of nowhere or he would kiss your cheek and say - innocent - things in your ear.

Freddie’s friends didn’t seem to care, at least to you, over what was happening due to how much alcohol they had, but Freddie surely did. He tightened his hold around your waist and pulled you close a bunch of times, but your friend never got the memo.

The whole rest of the night was like that, and he drew Freddie’s last straw when he leaned in for a kiss. Hand on the back of your neck and everything.

You turned your head over to the side and pushed him away ever so slightly, in slight shock, but your friend didn’t seem to mind. He still had a smile on his face.

That’s when he giggled at you that Freddie announced your goodbyes to everyone. He would not be willing to wait and see if your friend would pull another one of those unexpected kisses on you. He preferred to just go home.

And in a matter of a few minutes, you were pulled out of the bar with him by your hand and into his car, where you sat silently, letting the events marinate in both of your minds.

And now you’re here, in his apartment, staring outside of the window of the living room. Feeling embarrassment run through your veins, if not even pure humiliation.

Freddie’s mind is going a mile a second, thinking of all the possibilities that his friends saw what happened and will think all a bunch of bullshit about you. Make assumptions and judge you off of those.

It’s haunting him to the point where he can’t even hide it in his tone and facial expression. He feels god awful. For him and for you, all because of what happened. What if everything just went into shit with you and his friends, now?

“Look... I’m sorry.” You whisper in the silence of the room, “I shouldn’t have said anything to him when he came up to me.”

He doesn’t answer, just shakes his head.

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Freddie.” You tell him. “It’s stupid.”

He stays silent again and you force yourself to move. You step closer to him slowly. Your heels, which you still haven’t taken off, click with your steps, and Freddie tenses up when he feels your hand over his arm.

“I-” You try to speak.

“I’m going out to catch some air.” He interrupts you before clearing out his throat.

Your hand falls from his arm and you continue to look at him in hopes that your gaze will meet.

“Do you want me to wai-”

“No.” He shakes his head, bringing his gaze to his feet, “Go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

You fight off your overflowing emotions and heavy breathing, and you hold your own hand in front of you to stop it from shaking. You offer him a small nod, even though he isn’t looking at you.

You move to take a step back but, before you can turn your back to him, Freddie grabs your wrist and turns to face you in a quick movement.

“I-” He starts but cuts himself off to think, “It’s not your fault. You’re right.” He nods at you, “I just need to step out of the house to think, okay?”

You nod and Freddie notices the relief wash over your face.

“I’ll come back in a bit.” He says before giving your hand a small squeeze.

You give him a small smile and he steps aside to walk around you to get to the entrance of the apartment. You face the window as you hear him pick up his keys and soon, the door opens and closes.

You take a slow deep breath in and bring your hands up to your face.

What the hell are you supposed to do now?

Hope you liked this.

Requests are open!

#frederik andersen imagines #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen #frederik andersen imagine #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl

170 notes · View notes

legolasghosty · 3 years ago

Note

24 + 31 for Willex please and thank you!

Hiiii!

Okay, 24 - Soulmate AU and 31 - Birthday fic for Willex...

In this particular universe, when your soulmate writes anything on their skin, it appears on yours too. (Sidebar, this also extends to tattoos and things like that... Has nothing to do with this au, I just think it's cool).

Alex's best friend had always been his soulmate. He had no idea who they were, but ever since he learned to read and write, they'd been writing to each other. It made sense, this was the person the universe said was destined to love him. He wasn't really sure why more people didn't write to their soulmate. Some magical rule said they couldn't share names or areas or super specific things like that, but he knew he loved them by the time he turned 7.

His parents started getting upset by it when he was about 8, having assumed he'd grow out of such a childish habit, and Alex started hiding it. The little notes to Pancake(as he'd nicknamed them) moved from his forearms to his thighs and abdomen. Thankfully, Pancake seemed to get the memo and wrote back on the same areas. His parents especially didn't like the idea that their son's soulmate was a man(Alex didn't bother trying to correct them after Pancake told him about not really feeling like a boy when they were 10).

So Alex hid his best friend from his parents, and from his friends for the most part, though that wasn't really on purpose, until he was 17.

Almost exactly a month after Alex turned 17, he woke up, snagged the pen on his bedside table to wish Pancake a happy birthday on the skin just above his hip like he'd been doing every year since they were 8, and started getting ready for a gig. Apparently some rich kid at a nearby private school was having some big, fancy party, and Luke had managed to get them the gig. So he got to the studio early to pack up his drum kit and he, Julie, Luke, and Reggie headed off to a huge mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

The setup and music went well, though the birthday kid seemed... rather stuck up, staying back in corners and not talking to anyone. They seemed to like the music at least. The real surprise to Alex came later that night, when they'd finished their set and a DJ was blasting throwback music from the early 2010's. The father of the kid(Luke, you booked us a gig for Caleb Covington and you didn't think to mention that detail?!) had left and the kid quickly abandoned the nice suit jacket and slipped onto the dance floor.

Alex was grabbing a coke when he realized that their shirt was a bit on the shorter side now that it was untucked. As they spun around, it rose up a bit and Alex got a glimpse of a handwritten message just above their hip. He could barely read it from that far away, but he suddenly knew what it said: Happy birthday, Pancake, I love you. Go be a dancing queen! - Hotdog.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe, but he also couldn't dive into the crowd fast enough. He wove his way through people, finally reaching them. He couldn't even remember their name, but he hadn't needed it for a decade, it could wait a bit longer.

"Pancake?" he asked, grabbing their hand to get their attention.

They spun to stare at him, looking shocked. "Hotdog?" they responded softly, one hand turning to hang onto Alex's as their eyes darted back and forth between his face and his side, where they both knew would be the proof.

"Yeah," Alex breathed, carefully lifting his shirt just enough for them to see the words written on his side.

And then they were in his arms and he was holding them, his best friend, his lover, his soulmate, finally.

"Happy birthday, dancing queen," Alex whispered right in their ear. "I love you."

"I love you," they responded immediatly. "Best birthday present ever."

Annnnnddddd, that was not supposed to get that long, but it's fine. Hope you liked it!

(Send me 2 tropes and a ship and I'll explain how I'd combine them in a story)

#willex #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfic #alex mercer #willie jatp #i'm in love with this idea though #might become an actual fic at some point...#legolas tag #legolas ask #these are so fun to do #soulmate aus my beloved

17 notes · View notes

caramelcal · 4 years ago

Text

Request: Luke x reader? Luke tries to distract reader throughout the day (like he did to Julie) especially when she tries to talk to Nick? Which reader gets mad about and starts to ignore Luke (because she’s been trying to distract herself from her growing feels for him) and he eventually poofs into he room to talk to her about it?

Word Count: 2k

a/n: hi! sorry this took so long, instead of sitting down and working on one fic i’ve been working on five at the same time. incredibly stressful, i’ll try not to do that again lol especially considering it meant it took me ages to write them all...also someone pls give me something to name this lmao ty, and thank you for the request!

also just in case anyone asks i will not be making a part 2 sorry ! :(

disclaimer: I do not condone the use of my work/writing without my permission. The only place this has been posted is on my (rosemoonmist) tumblr account. This has not been posted on any other platform either. If you see any plagiarism of my work please let me know! <3 People work hard on their fics, so don’t steal them ty.

Masterlist

“So y/n I was thinking,” Luke starts, popping up out of thin air beside you whilst you walk along the corridors. At his unannounced presence beside you, you jump and let out a surprised squeal, gather attention from other students.

Looking around, you notice all of their stares and a blush coats your cheeks. They couldn’t see Luke, you knew that, so they thought you jumped at nothing and your squeal definitely didn’t help. Your head ducks down in embarrassment, trying to avoid the gazes of the students as you start to hurry to your locker.

“Y/n! I’m trying to talk to you here? Hello!” Luke shouts, following your quick, embarrassed walk to your locker. He leans against the locker beside you, arms crossed over his chest, “Y/n, stop ignoring me please.”

“You know Luke, normal people don’t sneak up on others so you definitely shouldn’t,” You mutter quietly, trying not to attract any more attention from those near you. You had already embarrassed yourself enough, you definitely didn’t need to be caught talking to yourself.

Luke watches you as you get your textbooks from your locker with soft, hazel eyes, shrugging his shoulders before he speaks again, “I don’t see what’s wrong with coming to share my ideas with you.”

“When you practically ambush me in the middle of the halls and embarrass me in front of my classmates then there’s something wrong,” You whisper harshly towards the teenage ghost, who gives you a playful smile in return.

“Don’t worry about it, I think your little scream was cute,” Luke tries to playfully comfort you, but you only end up more embarrassed. Ducking your head, you clear your throat, not meeting Luke’s eyes, “Plus, if I don’t talk to you then who is? Flynn and Julie aren’t here.”

“I have friends other than Julie and Flynn, you know,” You replied with a small smile, rolling your eyes at the boy whose eyes go slightly wider in amusement.

Leaning closer to you, he whispers, “Yeah, one of ‘ems behind you right now.”

With that he pulls back, his amused smirk going wider when he sees your eyes widen in panic. At least he’s getting some enjoyment out of this because you certainly weren’t. It was almost as if you were unfrozen, whipping around after several moments of doing nothing and just standing still to see him there.

“Heyyy y/n,” He says, trying to mask the slightly judgmental look he is giving you but you notice. At this rate, you just want the ground to swallow you whole, melt into the floor or just disappear.

“Nick! Hi,” You say, feeling your throat close up as you look at him. You try to keep your eyes on him, but they quickly stray when Luke appears behind him.

“You alright, L/N?” Nick asks, looking at you strangely with concern etched into his voice.

Waving your hand about weirdly, you nod your head wildly, trying to act natural but very much not. Luke glances at you with a judgmental glance, one that he wants you to see as you laugh, “Of course I am! Why would I not be?”

“I don’t know, you’re just acting a little strange.”

“Me? I’m always strange,” You try to wave it off, hoping that soon enough this nightmare would be over and you could go back home. This has to be the most embarrassing day to ever exist, for anyone. You would give anything just to disappear right now.

“Uh oh,” Luke’s voice sounds from behind Nick, his voice teasing as he looked at you with a smile, “has someone got a crush on Nick?”

“What! No!”

Your eyes snapped over to Luke, his smile growing wider. You know that he’s messing with you, but you couldn’t let him believe you had a crush on Nick of all people. No way. You already liked someone else, Luke, so to let Luke believe that you liked Nick was not going to happen. Your eyes hesitantly look back towards Nick, where he looks at you with a confused look.

You know that you can’t explain you were talking to a ghost, he’d think you were even crazier than you actually were. Giving him an awkward laugh you rub behind your neck, “Sorry, Flynn is across the hall and is trying to be distracting.”

“Flynn isn’t even in scho-”

“Sorry, Nick! Nice talking to you but I gotta go, bye!” Cutting Nick off quickly, you wave your hand before whirling around, walking in the opposite direction. A pair of shoes caught themselves up with you, and you knew who it was. The black and white vans were kind of a giveaway.

“I think that went well.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

. . .

Thankfully, your bad and embarrassing day didn’t get much worse. You managed to get through your first classes without Luke trying to annoy you anymore, which meant that you didn’t embarrass yourself even more and when it came to lunch you holed yourself up in the library. Being in the library meant that there was no one around to embarrass yourself in front of.

Your last class rolled around and you were trying to get your head down and do your work so that you could go home and forget that this day ever happened. It wasn’t going to get much worse than it already is considering the day was practically over, so you were just waiting for the time to pass by.

“Y/n, psst,” You hear a voice whisper from in front of you, making you look up. Maybe you spoke too soon, because there Luke is, sitting on the desk in front of yours, that was thankfully empty.

You knew that Luke just liked to talk to people other than Reggie and Alex from time-to-time and you were normally a good option but not in school. And especially not after the embarrassment that happened earlier on in the morning; that’s why you ignored him.

However, it seemed that Luke really wanted your attention and was willing to do anything to get it. Whether it be constantly talking to you, distracting you from doing your work, or humming new songs, he seemed to be doing anything to be annoying.

“What do you think about this one, n/n?”

Often, you were used to Luke just using your first name, so the sound of your endeared nickname falling off of his lips effortlessly caused your heart to flutter. Luke frowned a little, he knew you were listening, he could see you press your pencil down a little harder on your paper every time he spoke, almost as if you were trying to restrain yourself from answering him.

A smirk lit upon his lips, he knew exactly what to do. Jumping off of the table, he made his way over to your desk, taking the pencil out of your hand. Your eyes went wide but you knew you couldn’t make a big deal about it, imagine they seen you jumping after a floating pencil.

Looking up at Luke, you mouthed ‘Luke, put the pencil down’ with a glare, but Luke simply smirked at you. At this rate, you thought that Luke was just trying to get you grumpy. He brought the pencil down to your level to tease you but you caught onto it, tugging it closer to you.

Luke didn’t seem to want to let go, finally glad to get your attention but it shouldn’t have been a good thing, because he was just angering you even more.

Finally managing to yank the pencil off of Luke, you heard a voice whisper beside you, “Hey y/n, are you planning on actually doing any work, or are you gonna continue to cast spells with your pencil?”

The day definitely couldn’t get worse after that.

. . .

After that, you were determined to ignore Luke by any means necessary, even if he stole a pencil and let the class believe that the class was haunted. Thankfully enough, Luke realized that he shouldn’t push your buttons anymore and left you alone. On your walk home you practically wallowed in self-pity and embarrassment and found yourself swallowed in a hole of blankets and pillows watching a movie when you got into your bedroom.

You did not want to go back to school, and you found yourself dreading it more and more with each passing moment. After Luke realized how embarrassed you were the first time, he should've stopped, but he didn’t. Maybe he just liked to torture you and embarrass you in front of all of your peers.

It was a well-established thing that you liked Luke, not that he knew, of course, you knew he didn’t like you back like that. And after today, you struggled to believe he would ever see you as more; it was like he didn’t care about your feelings.

“Y/n, there you are,” Speak of the devil, “I need opinions on these new lyrics-”

“No, Luke. I’m busy.” You snap, eyes keeping on the screen. You hoped that he took the memo and stopped talking and left, but he didn’t, they never do.

Walking towards your bed, Luke sat beside you and grabs the remote that was tucked in between two blankets, holding it up to you, “No you aren’t, you’re only watching a movie. I’m sure you could stop it for two seconds.”

“What if I don’t want to?” You reply sassily, reaching for more popcorn that sat in the small bowl in front of you.

“What’s up with you?” Luke asks, his voice slightly annoyed as he looks at you. He seems confused like he’s completely oblivious to everything that happened today.

“What do you think is up with me?” You ask, finally turning to look at him, e/c eyes meeting the hazel ones you were so fond of.

Luke stares back at you with the same intensity, eyes looking over your blanket-covered figure before realization dawned on his face. Yet, with the realization, annoyance seemed to follow closely behind, “Is this because I embarrassed you in front of your crush?”

“I don’t have a crush on Nick!” Your voice is slightly louder than you had intended, but you don’t bother to apologize anyway.

Maybe you were both overreacting, and you were getting a little too defensive but you couldn’t help it. Luke didn’t seem to listen to you, you had already told him you didn’t like Nick, couldn’t he just listen to you for once in his life?

“Why are you shouting? I’m just asking a question,” Luke says, his voice calm. You had never expected the day where Luke would be the voice of reason between the two of you but here we are.

Eyes looking back up to meet Luke’s, a frown falls onto your face. Sighing, you feel guilt pool in your stomach, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

“It’s alright, y/n. I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in the first place. I’m really sorry,” You’re pretty sure that’s the first time you have ever heard Luke apologize to anyone, and you’re surprised at how sincere he sounded. Maybe Luke does care about your feelings more than you expected him to.

Soon enough, the calm and comfortable atmosphere you have created in the room because uncomfortable as you both sit in a silence. You don’t know what to say, or what to do but thankfully, Luke saves you from that.

“Listen, I- uh,” Luke hesitates to speak, feeling nervous when your attention is turned back to him. His gaze looks down at the bed before glancing back up, looking very fidgety under your gaze, “I’m sorry for what I did this morning. I don’t know I just seen Nick, and I thought you guys liked each other and I didn’t like it so I embarrassed you in front of him and that’s not okay.”

“You didn’t like it?” You ask with a smirk, quoting what Luke said as your smirk goes a bit wider. Noticing your words, Luke’s eyes go a little bit wider as he starts to stutter but you quickly end his stuttering, “Were you jealous, Patterson?”

It takes him a few moments to respond, your full body turning towards him when you begin to tease him. You had hoped that he was going to get embarrassed in front of you but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

“Maybe I am, what are you gonna do about it?”

#luke julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms #charlie gillespie x y/n #julie and the phantoms x reader #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson #jatp #julie and the phantoms luke #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie #luke jatp #luke patterson x y/n

299 notes · View notes

thefactsofthematter · 3 years ago

Note

hi bestie <3 you said send in some requests, so i'm suggesting:

javid with, "it's not okay! you're not fine!"?

i hope you have a good day !!!

hi bestie <333 i had so much fun with this, i haven't done a short little fic in ages!! here's a 2.7k javid fic - a college au and a classic (emotional) hurt/comfort type deal, heavy on the comfort ;)

"Wanna come for dinner at my parents' house tonight?"

Davey is laying on Jack's couch after his last class of the day, since Jack's apartment is just off campus, and it's a ridiculously convenient place to go nap after a long day of school. He honestly spends more time here than at his own apartment that he shares with his sister, a short train ride away.

"I'd love to," Jack replies, his gaze still glued to his computer screen, "but I totally forgot I have an art history paper due at midnight, analyzing a painting, and I haven't started. It needs to be ten pages, and I don't even have an outline. I'm gonna sit here and write until my eyeballs fall out."

Davey laughs softly.

"That sucks. Do you at least have some research done?"

Jack turns to him with completely dead eyes.

"Not a single academic source."

Davey glances at the clock. Jack has seven hours to pull this off, which is doable, but... intense. It would've been a lot easier to spread it out over a few afternoons, and it'll be a painful squeeze to get ten comprehensible pages of writing done tonight. Jack can write decently fast, but his spelling and grammar are atrocious, so he'll have to factor in editing time too. Davey is not envious of these circumstances in the slightest.

"Shit. Good luck. That sounds awful, but I'm rooting for you. What's your prof's late assignment policy?"

Jack, entirely beaten down, leans forward to rest his forehead on his keyboard.

"He won't accept them past the due date without a good reason... which I don't have. I'm just an idiot and forgot to put it in my planner— thank god Romeo texted me today to ask if I was done."

Davey pushes himself up and walks over to where Jack is sitting at his little dining table, under the constantly-flickering fluorescent bulb. He wraps his arms around Jack's shoulders and kisses the back of his neck.

"You got this. I'll come back here after dinner and bring you leftovers, okay? My mom's gonna be sad you couldn't make it, so she'll totally pack up a plate for you."

"You don't have to come all the way here," Jack sighs. "Your place is closer to your parents, and this is out of your way— you have work in the morning anyways, so you should go home and go to bed. I'll be fine, I'll probably write faster alone anyways."

Davey kisses him again, this time leaning around to plant one on his cheek.

"If you're sure." Jack's plan is probably the smart move, since Davey's shifts at his stupid coffee shop job start ridiculously early, and coming here would mean staying up with Jack until he finishes, probably distracting him. "In that case, I'll see you tomorrow after work, and I'll bring the food then... keep me posted about the paper, text me when you finish. And make sure you eat something."

Jack turns back to look at him with a strained, stressed attempt at a smile.

"For sure. Go have a nice time with your family, and tell everyone I say hi."

"Aba, you're doing it wrong. You have to use your left arm."

It's getting late in the evening, dinner has been eaten, and Les is trying to coordinate the family to make a TikTok with him. It's not exactly going well.

"My left or your left?"

"It doesn't matter, we have the same left!"

Davey has thankfully been placed in the back row, both because he's tall and lanky, and because he's so uncoordinated that Mom used to make you wear one of those leash backpacks as a kid to keep you from wandering into traffic... which is true, but Davey isn't sure why Les even knows about that. He certainly wasn't around yet when that was the case, so he probably heard it from Sarah.

While Les tries once again to explain how this little dance is supposed to work, Davey's phone starts to buzz in his pocket. It's probably a spam call, but he's not particularly invested in the dance lesson so he pulls it out to check.

Incoming call: cowboy babyy 💖🤠

Davey frowns. Jack never calls him. It's always texts or voice memos, since he's got some kind of weird aversion to talking on the phone. If he's calling, it must be important.

"Hi babe," he says, pressing his phone to his ear and walking off to his old bedroom to get some quiet, while Les shouts at him in the background for not taking this seriously. "How's the homework going?"

Jack is quiet for a second too long as Davey toes the door shut.

"...Not great. I'm really frustrated." He pauses and sniffles a little, sounding almost like he's holding back tears. "I don't know why I called you while you're having a good time with your family, though. I shouldn't be bugging you."

"Hey," Davey breathes, "you're not bugging me at all, sweetheart. Is the paper not going well?"

"I just... I'm so bad at writing, and I don't know what I'm talking about, and I have no idea how I'm gonna get this done in time." His voice is shaking, and it's breaking Davey's heart a little. "I'm being dramatic, though. I just need to keep working on it."

Davey sits down on the edge of what's now a guest bed, his old outer space-themed comforter replaced with something more neutral.

"You're not dramatic, it's okay to be upset. Do you want me to come over and help?"

Jack's breath hitches softly, and it confirms that he's almost definitely crying.

"You don't have to, you're busy with your folks. I'm sorry for calling." He shudders a little as he must try to take a deep breath. "It's okay... I'm fine."

Davey sighs, almost exasperated with Jack's self-sacrificial sense of pride. He'll never ask for anything for himself, not wanting anyone to go out of their way for him, even when he seems to be having a panic attack of sorts.

"It's not okay; you're clearly not fine, Jackie," he replies. "We already ate, and I'm not busy. If you want me to come over, I'll be there... do you?"

Jack is quiet for a moment again, taking a deep, shaky breath.

"Yeah. I do."

Davey nods, though Jack can't see him.

"Okay. I want you to take a little break from writing until I get there, alright? Change into your pyjamas and have a glass of water. Try to relax a little."

"Okay... thanks Davey."

The call ends, and Davey rejoins his family while tucking his phone away in his pocket.

"I have to go." He kisses his mother on the head as he walks by. "Thanks for dinner, Ima."

"Is everything okay?" she asks, catching him gently by the elbow before he can get too far.

"Yeah..." he sighs. "Jack's just having a hard time with homework, I'm gonna go help him out."

His father ruffles his hair and gives him a quick hug.

"You're a good boy, David. Take him those leftovers— your mother's cooking can fix anything."

"For sure. I'll see you guys next weekend, and I'll try to bring Jack along then."

He waves goodbye to Sarah and Les, grabs the dish of food, and then sets off on a speed-walk to the nearest subway station.

Jack is sitting on the couch when he arrives, his knees pulled to his chest, looking very soft and cozy in pyjama pants and one of Davey's old hoodies from some baseball tournament. He's staring into space, and he hardly even moves to acknowledge Davey's presence when he walks in.

"Hey darling." Davey leaves the dish of food on the counter and crouches down in front of Jack to try and catch his eye-line. He carefully takes Jack's hands in his own. "Hanging in there?"

Jack finally looks at him and nods, but as he blinks, more tears slip out and roll down his cheeks.

"I'm only done two pages," he mumbles, practically whispering. "I don't know why it's so hard, but I just can't do it."

"Oh, Jackie..." Davey reaches up to wipe Jack's tears, cupping his face gently with both hands. "Hey, you still have three hours, right?" Jack nods. "That's lots of time. We're gonna figure this out... let's just sit here and calm down a little first. It's gonna be okay."

He climbs up onto the couch to pull Jack into a hug, and the moment he's settled, Jack wraps his arms around him and breaks, sobbing into his shoulder. Davey cards his fingers through his hair and rubs his back; he's never seen Jack this distraught, especially not over homework. There's a good chance the problem runs a lot deeper, and stressing over an assignment was simply the last straw.

"You're alright," Davey continues, since talking is what he does best, even in moments like this. Jack is shaking with the force of his tears, breathing so hard Davey worries he might hyperventilate. "Listen, it's just one assignment, my love... if you get a bad grade, or if we don't finish in time, we can deal with that. We'll hand in whatever we finish tonight, so at least you won't get a zero. Worst case scenario, you retake this class in the spring... even that doesn't sound so bad, does it? I know you could handle it, if that's what happens."

Jack nods a little, but his tears don't stop.

"I'm so tired of being stupid," he hiccups, after a long while. "I keep getting distracted, and I can't word things right, and I spell everything wrong, and- and maybe I should just drop out, because I'm clearly not meant to be doing this."

"Baby..." Davey sighs, giving him a gentle kiss on the temple. "You're so intelligent, Jack. You're almost done your degree— after this term, you've only got one year left, and it's not like you do poorly in your classes, is it? Even when it's something hard for you, like writing, you always do well when you put in the work. What did you get on your sociology paper a couple weeks ago?"

"Ninety percent," Jack mumbles, muffled by the way he's speaking into Davey's shoulder. "But I spent so long on it, and you edited it for me. I'm gonna fail this one. I can't do it in one night, and I can't write papers without your help."

"Well, I'm here to help now, aren't I?" He rests his hand midway through brushing it through Jack's hair and scratches his scalp gently, which makes Jack shiver and laugh quietly through his tears. "Right? And you can write, darling— all I do is fix up the spelling and grammar for you. The ideas and words are all you, just like when you give presentations and knock it out of the park every time. I sure can't do that."

Jack finally looks up at him.

"Yes you can. You get nervous beforehand, but when you do a presentation, it's always really good."

Davey smiles at him, now that they're actually looking at each other.

"It's hard for me, though. Just like writing is for you— but with lots of effort, you're really good at it. See my point?"

Slowly, a small smile spreads across Jack's teary-eyed face, and he nods. Davey feels rather accomplished with this development.

"I guess so." He wipes at his eyes and sighs. "Sorry about this. I'm such a mess."

"No apologies. I don't blame you for getting overwhelmed— you're in a tough spot here." He pulls Jack in for a quick kiss, which they both smile into. "I brought you dinner. Go heat it up when you're ready; I'll look over what you've written so far and see if I can come up with some more ideas to add on. We're gonna work together on it, okay? What painting did you choose?"

"The Martyrdom of Saint Matthew by Caravaggio," Jack sighs, looking almost forlornly at his computer on the table. "I have a lot to say about it, and lots of good stuff in my notes, but I just can't put it into paragraphs and sentences that make sense."

Davey nods, watching Jack as he stands up to go put the leftovers from Davey's family in the microwave.

"Well, I don't know anything about paintings, but if you talk me through it, I can help you put the actual paper together." He pauses as an idea dawns on him. "I'm gonna email your professor and ask about an extension— it might be a shot in the dark, but we should at least try. The worst he can do is say no."

"Sure," Jack replies from the kitchen, his voice still shaky. "He's a total hardass, though. Fingers crossed for a miracle."

Davey sits at the table, opens up Jack's email, and starts a draft.

Hi Professor Diaz,

Apologies for the short notice, but I'm wondering if it would be possible to have an extension on the analysis assignment, even if it's just by a few hours. I unfortunately mixed up some due dates in my planner, and I thought I had an extra week for this assignment; I only realized the mistake today, so I'm currently scrambling to get it done in time.

Would it be at all possible to turn it in a few hours late, just to have a bit more time to finish it up? I would really appreciate any amount of time you're willing to give me.

Thank you in advance for your understanding, Jack Kelly

He shrugs, sends it, and sincerely hopes a little professionalism and a decent (if slightly fabricated to make Jack look less forgetful) excuse will go a long way.

It's quarter to eleven, the paper is now five-and-a-half pages long, and Jack isn't crying anymore. He's in the zone, talking aloud about the painting while Davey helps him get his vague ideas into concrete sentences, and they're on track to have at least seven or eight pages by the time midnight rolls around— it might not get full marks, but it'll be better than nothing.

Jack's computer dings with the sound of a new email while they're taking a two-minute break— something they've interspersed every half hour, since Jack's focus is best in shorter bouts. He's in the middle of walking laps around the apartment to get his energy out and annoy his downstairs neighbours, but he scrambles back to the computer at the noise.

"We got a reply!" he shouts.

Davey is over on the couch, and he watches Jack's face closely as he opens the email. So far, so good... and then he slumps down in his chair in a show of what could either be defeat or relief. Davey can't quite tell, so he jumps up to go read it for himself.

Sure. Email it by 11:59pm tomorrow.

Sent from my iPhone

"Yes!" Davey shouts, grabbing Jack by the shoulders. "I told you it was worth a shot!"

Jack laughs, and then reaches up to pull Davey down for a kiss.

"You're the best, Jacobs. A fucking lifesaver." He rubs at his eyes, and then pushes his computer away, across the table. "I'll deal with this tomorrow. Let's just go to bed— you still have to be up early."

Right. Davey has a dreaded Saturday morning opening shift tomorrow— they open at five, and he has to be there well in advance to get set up, so he's got no chance at getting more than a few hours of sleep. He's going to be dead on his feet in the morning, probably fuck up a few coffee orders, but it'll be worth it to have helped Jack through tonight.

Poor Jack seems completely exhausted— as anyone would be after crying so hard earlier— so collapsing into bed after washing up quickly is an utter relief. Davey, despite being tall and long-limbed, greatly enjoys being the little spoon and Jack is happy to indulge him, so they curl into the familiar position.

"Thank you for everything tonight," Jack whispers, practically into Davey's ear. "I love you so much."

Davey smiles as his eyes fall shut, and he kisses Jack's knuckles softly, where his arm is wrapped around him.

"Any time, darling. I love you too."

#both my current projects are slow burns so an established relationship fic feels good #hope u enjoyed it!!!#javid #jack kelly #davey jacobs #newsies fic #my writing

58 notes · View notes

archonanqi · 4 years ago

Text

fragile as dust / 6

🔖 [first] [prev] [next]

---

6. to dream

When you woke up the next morning, the sky was still dark through the curtains. You’d slept well again, although it was soured once more by the rising panic in your throat as you woke up. Reluctantly clambering from under the warm covers, you tiptoed to the door, cracking it open a little and peering outside.

Zhongli was not in the living room. You couldn’t tell if the resulting rush of emotions were from relief or disappointment. Was he still asleep? It was hard to imagine him sleeping — hard to imagine him ever vulnerable. You emerged from the room and noticed a note pinned to the door.

In the most elegant scrawl that you’d seen in your life, it read:

“I am on my morning walk. I have left you a spare robe and towels under the sink, should you decide to take a bath. I will return as quickly as possible.”

At the bottom, inked in a scarlet name seal, was his name, and the characters “Wangsheng” — rebirth, whatever that entailed. Somehow, you weren’t even a little surprised that he had a fancy name seal stamp and used it to sign off memo notes with.

You scurried to the bathroom, taking longer than you would have liked to admit to figure out how to turn on the water — even his tap was vastly fancier than the one behind Wenqi Souvenirs that you tended to use sometimes. The water warmed almost immediately against the palm of your hand, filling the bathroom with hot steam. While letting the tub fill, you wandered over to the sink and opened the cupboard under it. As Zhongli’s note promised, there was a pristine white towel, and a neatly folded-up black robe.

Shaking it out, you marveled at how beautiful it was — it was clearly intended for a much taller man, yet it seemed like it might fit you. A golden trim ran down the edges of the black fabric, and the cloth itself seemed to glow under the dim light. Most strikingly, the material was astounding — it was the softest thing you’d ever touched. You buried your face into it, and oh—

It smelled heavenly, of faint flora, warm spice and the soil after a light spring shower.

It smelled like Zhongli.

Before realizing it, you’d taken a deep breath with your nose pressed against the fabric. And another, and another. You didn’t understand it, but even though you had never known any of these things, the scent reminded you of stability, concord, and peace.

The sound of running water brought you back out of your reverie. The tub was close to overflowing, and you rushed to go turn off the tap, the robe now forgotten over the sink.

You peeled off the dress that was beginning to feel like an extension of your skin, and lowered your body into the water. The hot water made your skin prickle, but it seemed to drag the fatigue, exhaustion and anxiety right out of your marrow.

If Zhongli permitted it, you decided, you were going to have a bath every day.

As the heat soothed you in places that you didn’t even know had muscle, you glanced down at your body. The dirt and grime had come off into the swirling water, revealing yellow-purple bruises. You’d always known you were unsightly, a skinny bag of skin and bones and grime, but next to Zhongli—

You hadn’t stopped thinking about what he’d said last night. Letting the water reach the top of your lips as you sank down, you wondered to yourself if you could believe him. Could you begin to believe that Zhongli had no intentions of hurting you, using you? You wanted to, certainly, but…

“Hansi?” You froze at the sound of Zhongli calling your name from outside the door. Quickly, all of your prior thoughts forgotten, you leapt out of the tub, wincing as you sloshed water everywhere.

“I’m here!” you yelled back, haphazardly wrapping the towel around your hair, slipping into the fancy robe and running for the door. You stumbled into the hallway and immediately bumped into Zhongli — literally, although for a moment it felt like a brick wall you’d just bounced off of. You knew at once that under those three layers of clothing, he was nothing but muscle.

Before you could land on your bottom and ruin his impression of you even more, Zhongli reached out and caught your shoulders, holding your body upright. His hands were rough and strong, but his grip against your skin was gentle, as always. Briefly, you wondered why his hands were so weathered — surely a nobleman like him has never had to work a day in his life.

“Thank you for the robe,”, you scrambled to break the heavy silence, neglecting to mention just how many whiffs of it (of him) you had taken in the past hour alone. You felt your cheeks flush at the very thought. “It’s very comfortable.”

Tilting his head, Zhongli considered you for a moment. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said, “I presume that you found my note, then?”

Looking up into his golden eyes, you nodded too quickly. “Yes, Mr. Zhongli. You have excellent penmanship—“ you trailed off, realizing too late the hole that you had dug yourself and fell headfirst into. Shit.

Zhongli raised a brow, staring at you — through you. “So it seems that, contrary to your assertion yesterday,” he observed, “you can read, after all.”

A dozen possible excuses ran through your head, but his gaze demanded the truth. This was a reminder, you told yourself, a much-needed reminder that he was not your friend, that any familiarity or comfort you’d found in him was strictly your imagination — that he had played you like a gu’zheng and now that he had caught you in a lie—

“I— I’m sorry. I-I was— I was afraid—“ you began to stammer, but he raised his hand to stop you.

“It is my hope, of course, that there are no lies between us,” Zhongli said, his gaze peering into the deepest recesses of your soul. For a chilling moment, you were sure that he knew about the Geo Vision pulsing away at the bottom of your bedside table.

There’s logically no way he could know, you told yourself to calm your frayed nerves. He hadn’t even entered your room since you’d arrived. No way he knows.

“However, given the circumstances, I know that that’s not always possible.” Zhongli continued, glancing at his upturned palm, then back at you. “You can tell me the story behind your ability to read, and your reason for hiding it from me, when you decide you are ready.”

“Oh,” you exhaled softly. Surprisingly (thankfully), your brain had ceased its habit of stumbling over ‘what?’s each time Zhongli bewildered you with his tolerance. “I— I am truly sorry for lying to you, Mr. Zhongli.”

If you got a single Mora for every second Zhongli stared at you so intently that it felt like he was dredging out every thought, word, and secret from your head, you’d be able to afford a house of your own by now.

“I can understand,” he finally said, an unreadable look on his face, “that certain situations sometimes leave us with no choice but the untruth. Now, are you feeling well enough for a trip to the harbor? As lovely as you look in my old robe, Hansi, we really must get you some of your own clothes.”

---

On the way to the harbor, all you could think of was how he had called you lovely.

---

If you hadn’t already been convinced that Zhongli was absolutely loaded, watching him shop would have sealed that deal.

“I’ll take it,” he said, for the third time that morning. You bowed your head to hide a grimace. Always haggle the price down to at least half of what was initially given when shopping in Liyue — even you knew that.

“Come now boss, surely someone as distinguished as you can tell that this vase is an authentic relic from the ancient civilization of Guili—“ The shopkeeper blinked. “Wait, you’ll take it?”

“Yes.”

“For forty thousand Mora?” Even the shopkeeper looked bewildered, eyes comically wide. You wondered for a brief moment if you should stop Zhongli from the most blatant scam you’d ever seen. Quickly, you shook yourself free of those stupid thoughts; who were you to tell him what to do with his seemingly infinite supply of wealth?

“That was the agreed upon price, was it not?” Zhongli said, picking up the vase with a practiced gloved hand. “Invoice it to Wangsheng funeral parlor, please.”

There it was again, Wangsheng. That’s where you knew it from. The funeral parlor passed down to the generational head of the wealthy Hu family. You wondered what connections Zhongli had with one of the most powerful families of Liyue. Even having lived with him for three days, he had stayed as much a mystery as the moment you laid eyes on him in that teahouse.

As Zhongli spoke to the merchant — no doubt being conned into buying a second vase at twice the price now that the merchant knew of his financial status — you glanced around the store. It seemed to have a little of everything, even dusty weapons on a rack in the back corner. It reminded you that although you’d been kept safe so far, the peace would not last. Not for someone like you.

Something glittering on one of the racks caught your eye. It was a necklace, its silver chain appended with a beautiful blue charm, catching the sunbeams in an iridescent bloom. You glanced at Zhongli — oh Archons, was that a third vase he was looking at? — before inching a little closer to look at the necklace. It wasn’t just a charm, you realized — the blue gemstone had been shaped into an intricate blossom. The handiwork it must have taken to carve something so detailed, so gorgeous—

“What a beautiful necklace,” Zhongli mused from behind you, making you jump. You didn’t think you’d ever get used to how surprisingly silently a man as tall as him could move. “Noctilucuous Jade of this clarity must have been incredibly difficult to find.”

“Like the ones from the Mingyun Mines,” you recalled from his lecture the previous day.

“Exactly. Very good,” Zhongli nodded, his voice unmistakably pleased. Your pride soared at his simple praise. “Do you want this necklace, Hansi?”

You blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“I noticed you looking at it. Would you like me to buy it for you?”

“Oh,” you stammered, “I couldn’t possibly— someone like me—“

“Please,” Zhongli raised a hand, “let there be only truth between us today.”

You did want it, so badly that it ached. A year ago, you wouldn’t have been let anywhere near the door of a shop carrying such expensive and fancy wares. You wouldn’t have dared to steal something this precious, wouldn’t have been able to sell it to the shady folk who fenced your stolen goods. A year ago, you wouldn’t have even dreamed of ever owning something so beautiful. Certainly wouldn’t have dreamed of accepting such an expensive gift from a stranger, not when you knew the price there would be to pay.

Yet in Zhongli’s eyes (they were the exact shade of mora, you noticed absently), there was nothing but earnestness.

“I do,” you breathed.

It was dangerous that you had begun to let yourself dream.

“Excuse me. I’ll take this as well,” Without a second thought, Zhongli beckoned to the shop’s owner.

“What a good eye you have, boss,“ you could see the gears grinding in the man’s head. “That’s uh... a necklace made from the finest Noctilucuous Jade in the nations. Carved in the image of… of a silk flower, the symbol of luxury. It would make a suitable gift for your partner.”

You felt your eyes go wide, but Zhongli barely blinked. “You are correct about the quality of the jade, but this is a glaze lily.”

“I beg your pardon, boss?”

Touching the necklace lightly, Zhongli turned his gaze to the shopkeeper, and you delighted in watching him squirm — good to know that it wasn’t just you affected by that heavy stare. “This necklace was carved in the image of not a silk flower, but a glaze lily. How much?”

After a good bit of stammering to try and save face, the shop owner rattled off a price too high for you to even comprehend. Even if you had pooled all the Mora you had ever scrounged together in your life, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it — not in seven lifetimes. But you were reeling over something else.

Partner? And Zhongli hadn’t even taken offense to being compared to someone like you, someone who didn’t have a Mora to her name, didn’t even own the clothes on her back.

“No need to wrap it,” Zhongli said, and you realized that he had already bought it. Bought it for you. He gestured towards the necklace, still hanging there — but now yours, yours. “I trust that you would like to wear it now?”

He was talking to you, waiting for your answer. Throat dry and words failing you, you just nodded quickly. You fumbled with its clasp, carefully at first, then desperately. Your nails, bitten to the quick and ragged from digging, were useless in your endeavors. Amidst your futile efforts, you heard the shopkeeper hurry away to help another customer.

After what seemed like years, Zhongli offered you an open palm. “Allow me.”

“Oh,” you whispered, face burning as you handed the jewelry to him. “Yes. Please.”

He took it, deftly clicking it open. “May I?” It took you a moment to understand what he was asking. Without barely a thought, you inched closer, baring your neck to him so that he could put it on for you.

Zhongli leaned in — close enough to touch, close enough to kiss — and his fingers brushed the back of your neck. It was all you could do to not shiver. You could smell him, that warm scent promising that you might one day know what peace felt like.

The seconds dragged on — one, two, three — before he finally pulled away, leaving the necklace cool against the flush of your skin. You let out a breath you didn’t notice you were holding.

“There,” Zhongli said, a faint smile on his lips. “Lovely.”

---

By noon, it looked like even Zhongli might start buckling under the weight of all the items he had bought.

You’d come away with clothes for occasions you could not even begin to fathom: four bathrobes — silk from the Cuijie mountains — shoes, house slippers, boots — premium leather from the grasslands of Fontaine — every day clothes, formal clothes, round-collar gowns, court robes — what the fuck are court robes? — and cloth trousers, among other things.

With every purchase, you expected (anticipated?) the same degree of intimacy of when he put the necklace on you, but each time you were relieved (disappointed?) when he did not. Quickly, the rest of the morning became a routine mantra of: “Is this to your liking?” and “Mr Zhongli, it’s beautiful, but I know nothing of clothing, if you think it to be fitting—“ and “I’ll take it”s.

It was only when your stomach let out a mournful rumble that you realized how high in the sky the sun had climbed. You prayed that Zhongli did not hear, but of course, your luck had to run out sometime.

“My, look at the time,” he said, and you could tell he was trying to hide a smile. “Let’s have an early lunch, shall we? It would be remiss of me to bring you to Liyue Harbor without stopping at the best restaurant in the city.”

“Yes, Mr. Zhongli.”

As you walked, you braced yourself for what sort of restaurant could garner such high praise from an individual like Zhongli. You wished that you had put on one of the fancier clothes that Zhongli had bought you after all, before coming to a stop in front of a small eatery. Despite its position on the main commerce street, it looked wholly unremarkable, with its peeling paint, faded wooden countertop and old tables.

Zhongli seated himself at one of them, and beckoned for you to join him. As you hurried to comply, you saw the girl manning the window wave excitedly and hurry over. She was young, dark hair pulled into two buns. At her waist hung a small stuffed bear and bells that jingled with her every animated gesture. “Mr. Zhongli!” She called, balancing two teacups and a teapot on a tray above her head precariously. “Welcome back! Did you manage to take care of your urgent business from the other day?”

“Yes, it went well,” Zhongli answered, and you were surprised to hear a soft fondness in his voice. “Is your father not in today, Xiangling?”

“Nossir, he’s gathering herbs in Qingce Village!” The girl named Xiangling frowned, “you know, he doesn’t know when to stop. I worry about him sometimes. His knee’s been acting up again.”

“I see. I’ll be sure to bring some caoyào bandages from Bubu Pharmacy by sometime this week.” Zhongli promised with dignified resolve. “They work wonders on the bones—“

Next to your table, two young men seemed to be having a heated discussion. One of them, with hair the pale blue of a summer sky, gestured furiously at his dish, while the other one — his dark blue hair a stark contrast to the first boy’s — clutched his side and laughed.

You wondered idly what it would be like to have friends like that. You wouldn’t know what to say, even if the two boys had approached you at that moment. There was no place for friendship in the ratway alleys of Liyue, and the few times you had tried to initiate one had ended poorly at best, violently at worst.

“Hello? Earth to pretty lady!” Xiangling waved a hand in front of your face, jolting you out of your reverie. “Do you know what you want to order?”

You glanced at Zhongli for help, then had to look away when that overwhelming golden gaze met yours solidly as always. “Do you have any recommendations, Mr. Zhongli?” You asked — if the past day had taught you anything, it was that he always did.

“Certainly,” he began, taking a deep breath — the only hint of the reckoning to come , “there’s the Black-Back Perch Stew. It’s Monday, which means that the restaurant has just purchased fresh shipment of seafood from the docks, making this a fine choice above all the other items on the menu. However, it’s also worth noting that the Adeptus’ Temptation also contains seafood, in fact, crabs, which are caught on the shores of Guyun and...“

After the eighth dish, he paused to take a breath, and you took the opportunity to carefully tell him that you had caught maybe half of that, and regardless, you had no clue which to choose, still.

“We’ll have all of them,” Zhongli decided with an air of finality. Somehow, you had expected that. Xiangling nodded knowingly, as though this was a common occurrence.

“Should I put this one on the Wangsheng Parlor’s tab, again, Mr. Zhongli?”

“No,” Zhongli said, and you were surprised to see a small, wry smile on his face. “Please put this one on the tab of Tartaglia of the Fatui.”

“Of the Fatui?” Xiangling’s lips, curved into an “o”, expressed the same shock you felt. The elite military force of Snezhnaya — that Fatui? To what extent did Zhongli’s connections run?

“Yes. Please collect the payment at the Northland Bank — just mention my name, and that it was for a meal. We have an… open-ended contract of sorts.”

“Alrighty!” Xiangling had already bounced back from her surprise, and you wondered where in that tiny frame she was storing that boundless energy. “I’ll have your orders coming right up!”

---

The silence that followed Xiangling’s departure dragged on for a few painful seconds. You studied the tea leaves in your cup intently, feeling Zhongli’s gaze rending you through.

“Now then,” he started, bringing his teacup slowly to his lips, “have you had a good day today, Hansi?”

“Yes, si—“ You stopped yourself. “Yes, Mr. Zhongli.” Another silence followed, one that you desperately needed to fill. “I cannot thank you enough for your generosity in buying me so many things. I will work hard to ensure I can begin to deserve them.”

Zhongli placed the cup back down with an audible clack. “Nonsense. You already do.” You were startled at the hard edge of his voice, but it quickly reverted to its normal tranquility. “Besides, I haven’t spent a single Mora of my own today. You have the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor to thank for your bounty.”

That reminded you to ask. “May I ask, what is Mr. Zhongli’s connection with the famed Wangsheng Parlor?”

“Why, I work for them. As a consultant,” Zhongli said.

Oh. Of all the jobs your imagination had appended upon him since your meeting — assassin, mafia boss, black market dealer, eldest son and heir to a long lost clan of wealth and nobility, to name a few — this was somehow the most surprising.

“As a funeral consultant, Mr. Zhongli?” Surely this was just a side job for him, a hobby? But what a morbid one it was!

“Not quite. Although I do offer the odd advice on mortal— er, on normal funerals when it’s needed of me.” Zhongli took a long sip of tea, as though carefully considering his next words. “I specialize in the traditional arts of the Rite of Parting. The sending-off of the divine.”

“Like, Archons?” You whispered.

“Like the Adepti,” he corrected gently. “Although in Liyue’s case, yes, Archon and Adepti were one and the same.”

Was he talking about Rex Lapis? You shuddered at the thought of Rex Lapis ever needing a funeral. All those books you’d read about him, tales of his valiant stands and brutal fights. Surely nothing in the mortal realm today could even touch him.

“How do you know how to carry out the Adepti’s Rites, Mr. Zhongli?” You wondered aloud. Silly — the man literally had a library in the upper floor of his home; of course there would be a ritual book or two in his possession. Yet his answer took long to come, and surprised you.

“I have a good memory,” he said, with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Though I did have to get a little help with the most recent Rite of Parting. It’s been a long time since there’s been the need for a ritual so grand.”

Recent? Had an adepti died recently? The only news you’d managed to hear in the past few months had come from the lips of drunken guards, and not even half of it had been coherent. You opened your mouth to ask, but was shut up quickly by the most mouth-watering scent you’d ever been graced with in your life.

“It looks like our food is here,” Zhongli gestured to Xiangling, who was running at full speed towards your table, this time with two steaming trays balanced on her head. “I certainly hope you’ve got an appetite today as well.”

---

You were proud to be able to say that you ate at a human-esque pace this time, stopping at the first hint of fullness. You would not have a repeat of the embarrassment of last night.

“This is sho good,” you finally said, between your last few bites. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Xiangling’s cooking never disappoints,” Zhongli agreed. “Shall we head home, now?”

“What, before spending Wangsheng Funeral Parlor into bankruptcy?” you teased carefully, and you were pleased to earn a hearty chuckle from Zhongli.

---

Lying in bed that night, you admitted the answer to your question from that morning — you did believe Zhongli. You were beginning to let yourself grow complacent, to trust, to hope — you would be lying to yourself if you said otherwise.

You’d also be lying to yourself if you didn’t acknowledge how stupid, how hideously dangerous that sort of thinking was for someone like you. While you were no longer as sure as you were that Zhongli was trying to take advantage of you, you were far from out of the lion’s den. What would Zhongli do if he found out about the Geo Vision in your drawers? When he figured out you had been lying to him, that Rex Lapis had granted you the same powers as he did him? When he figured out what you were planning to use your Vision to do?

If Zhongli turned out to be like the others… You could scarcely even bear the thought.

Gripped with a sudden, ugly rage, you pushed back the covers and quietly crept to the bedside drawer. Under the scrolls and paintings, your Vision pulsed its soft golden glow. You brushed gently against the gem, feeling your fingertips tingle with the power of the Archons, of the power of Rex Lapis. Against your skin, your new necklace felt hot. For the first time since you were born, you felt strong.

霸王. Bawang.

That’s all you knew of the name of the organization that had dragged you through hell — a passing remark from a drunken guard. That’s all you needed to know to find them again. The surge of calm, then of power, that you felt through your veins scared you a little. What was the extent of your Vision’s abilities? Best not to find out in the middle of your bedroom.

Reluctantly, you put the Vision back into the drawer, watching it glow proudly against the dark. You shut the drawer tight. shutting it tight.

You hadn’t forgotten. You’d never forget, for as long as you lived, the faces of every man who banged on the bars of your cell just to watch you jump. You hadn’t been brave or strong enough to fight back, then. But you would be. You would be. And the second you were, you’d go back and kill them all, every single one. Raze it all to the ground.

If Zhongli got in your way, you told yourself, you would not hesitate.

#zhongli #zhongli fanfiction #zhongli x reader #genshin #genshin fanfiction #genshin zhongli #zhongli fanfic #genshin fanfic #fragile as dust #my writing #anqi writes

108 notes · View notes

13-reasons-ideas · 4 years ago

Note

So I have this idea, You know how people want/like things they can’t have, MontyxOC have always had this friendship that bordered on something more but it never got there. She gets a boyfriend, Monty starts avoiding her majorly & their friendship crumbles until one night he shows up at her door & lays his cards out, they have a heated argument but then it turned into into something else quite heated😘 and as bad as it was that she cheated she doesn’t regret it, he’s all she’s ever wanted anyway

Why Didn’t You Say Anything?

A/N: contains SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ ONLY. Trigger warning: rough CONSENSUAL sex. I hope you like this. I’m sorry it took WAY too long to get around to finishing but I was having a lot of issues finding inspiration for requests. I’ve found it again though so expect more to come. As always, I love feedback and much love. - Em

Montgomery and I had been friends since… well since forever. As long as I could remember anyway. He was a quiet kid. Kept to himself for the most part when we were younger. I wouldn’t come to find out why exactly that was until much later on in our friendship. We bonded over a love of the same candy. It sounds stupid thinking back on it now, but at the time we were just kids. We didn’t really know how to have interests yet.

Eventually, as we got older and we developed our things, we found that even though our interests didn’t really match the way people thought they should-I was a novice musician, he was on his way to being a star athlete- we bonded over our passion and drive for our respective things. He would come over to my house and watch me teach myself to play guitar, play piano, or sing. I would meet him in the park and play catch when he discovered a love of baseball. Or when we started middle school and he would try to teach me how to throw a football. That… never went very well. But he was pretty good at catching it regardless as it turned out, so it worked out in the end.

Our friendship started to change around middle school too. It wasn’t noticeable at first. He started spending more and more time at my place. By then I had learned what his father was like behind closed doors. That had been an interesting phone call to my mom to come get me. Our conversations became even longer and more personal. We talked about our hopes and dreams. Where we wanted to end up when we were finally adults. The running thing was that no matter what we wanted to be when we grew up that week, we were always staples in each other’s futures. I started to seek him out at lunch more. I felt this desire to be near him that I couldn’t explain. Or maybe I could, and I just didn’t want to, for fear of being rejected and losing my best friend.

In high school, when we made different friends and traveled in different circles, we were still best friends. We had always been basically inseparable. Montgomery and Juliette. Julie and Monty. Where you saw one of us, you usually found the other. I waited for him after football and baseball tryouts and my dad made waffles for dinner when he made the team. There was a seat basically reserved for me at games since freshman year. I only missed two games in three and a half years. Once when I had strep throat in sophomore year and once when my uncle died last year. Monty didn’t want to go to that week’s game. I told him if he didn’t, I would never play piano for him again. For his part, Monty sat through countless hours of me learning songs or listening to tons of voice memos while I was writing my own. He was at every one of my gigs, no matter how big or small. It didn’t matter if there was ten people or a hundred people, he was always there, sitting in the first or second row. Even Bryce Walker couldn’t come between us.

I couldn’t help but feel like there was something more than friendship between us. I was still too afraid of rejection to say anything and he never said anything either. Other people had always made comments about our friendship and how close we were. But we both just laughed it off and attributed it to people not understanding that guys and girls could just be friends. When we were in junior year and it became clear to me that the feelings I had ignored and buried for so long, weren’t reciprocated, I decided it was time to move on. There was no point in pining after someone who didn’t want me back. And as luck would have it, the perfect person to get my mind off of my best friend had just moved to town and was assigned as my chemistry lab partner.

Parker Johnston was an average height, thin but lean, young man from Ohio. He had shaggy blond hair and cobalt blue eyes. He came from a stable, well off family, but he wasn’t a show-off about it. His parents were mortgage brokers who wanted to work in, but not live in the city. Essentially, he was everything Montgomery de la Cruz… wasn’t. He did still like sports though. They have that to bond over. I thought after my first conversation with him after chemistry. I invited him to have lunch with us. The guys on the football team liked him. Even Monty was nice to him. Though, at that point, none of us knew what would become of Parker and I hanging out.

“I don’t know Monty. We are just going for burgers at Rosie’s. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.” I was on the phone with Monty while I got ready for my first date with Parker. We had been hanging out as friends for seven months or so. Over the summer, we had connected more and found we had more than just a mutual dislike of our chemistry teacher in common.

“Well, what do you think will happen?”

“On our date? Or are you asking if I’ve thought far enough ahead to actually consider if we are getting married? Because I haven’t thought further ahead than my math test next Friday.”

“On your date.”

“I think I will have my usual cheeseburger with pink lemonade, and we will talk. Maybe split a milkshake for dessert. Green or grey shirt?”

“Is it the green with polka dots?”

“No, the plain army green one.”

“Grey. The green one gives you too much cleavage. A cheeseburger and lemonade? That’s it?”

“He’s seen me in the green one before, and no it doesn’t, but whatever. Yes Monty. That’s it. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“I don’t. Just want to know what you’re planning. Make sure you’re safe.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I appreciate your concern.”

“Anytime. Are you coming to the game on Friday? It’s our second home game. First game of October. You know how you love fall games.”

“Of course, I’m coming. It’s not like I have a choice anymore, you guys are stuck with me.” I joked.

“Haha very funny Julie.”

“I try. Hey, listen. I gotta go. Parker will be here soon. I’ll call you when I get home.”

Our first date was going great. We had been to Rosie’s before together, but it was different now that we were on a date. We were there for hours, just sitting and talking to each other. Monty texted me around eight, just to check in. You still out or do I need to call the cops?

I’m still here. All good. He left me on read. I assumed it was because I was still out. “Everything okay?” Parker asked when he got back from the bathroom.

“Oh, yeah. Just Monty checking in.”

“Fair, fair. I guess that’s my cue to take you home for the night?”

“I suppose so.” Even though we had verbalized the need to leave, neither of us moved to leave.

“One more order of fries?”

“Yes.” After our last order, Parker drove me home and I called Monty to spill all the details as I got ready for bed.

The following Friday, Parker and I went to the game together. It was the first time we were going together just the two of us, and not with a group of friends. As far as high school football games go, this one was pretty standard. We held hands through most of it. Bryce’s parents were out of town again, so he was having a “we lost but I have money so let’s all get wasted” party. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot? Or did you want to just meet at Bryce’s place? I have to go talk to Monty.”

“We can meet at his place if you want.” He looked confused.

“It’s tradition. I always wait for him. I have since freshman year.”

“Oh, okay then. I’ll see you at Bryce’s place Jules.” He kissed me. I smiled into it before pulling away. I watched him turn and walk down the bleacher steps and turn towards the parking lot before running off to find Monty.

I spotted him talking to Luke and Scott. His back was turned to me. They saw me coming but didn’t react. They know me so well now. They know exactly what is coming. I smiled playfully before wrapping my arms around Monty’s waist tightly. He laughed and pried my hands off of him, before turning around and lifting me up in a hug. I didn’t even complain about the sweat. “You know that doesn’t surprise me anymore Julie.”

“I know. But it’s fun.” He was still holding me. “Are you going to like… put me down at some point?”

He turned back around to face Luke and Scott. They were shaking their heads, grinning. “Nah.” He decided.

“Well. I don’t need to see inside the boy’s locker room so you put me down outside.”

“What, you mean you don’t want to see a whole lot of Brycey’s pasty white ass?” Luke teased.

“No. No I do not. Every day I don’t see that is a good day for me. And since you are hell bent on carrying me, can I at least be comfortable? My legs are just dangling here.” Monty stopped walking so I could wrap my legs around his waist like a backwards piggyback ride. His hands went under my thighs to support my weight.

Thankfully, he put me down outside the boy’s locker room. I played around on my phone while I waited for him. “You know, I smell like sweat now.” I said when he came out, freshly showered and changed. He shook his head and smirked.

“I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“Dude. I smell like your sweat.” He rolled his eyes and stopped to dig around in his bag. He pulled out one of my t-shirts. It was a little wrinkled but still presentable. I took it when he handed it to me. “Thank you. I’ve been looking for this. How long have you had it?”

“A while.” He shrugged. I ran into the girl’s room to change. I handed him my other shirt.

“Since it’s your sweat, you can wash it.”

“You know, you never used to complain about smelling like sweat after a game.”

“Well, I didn’t have a boyfriend who would care then.”

“Juliette, you didn’t have boyfriend period.”

“You say like you’ve had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, shut up.” He pushed me playfully.

“You know. How the hell did we get to our senior year of high school and neither one of us has actually dated anyone? Tyler Down has been on dates.”

“You’ve been on dates before.”

“Yeah. but it was never anything worth getting past the end of date three. And I wouldn’t call what happens in bedrooms or bathrooms at parties, dating. You’ve been on dates too.”

“I mean, sure. But they weren’t serious.” We had made it to the parking lot now. “I’ll see you at Bryce’s?”

“Yeah. I’m meeting Parker there.”

“Awesome.” I hugged him again before sprinting to my car.

The party was in full swing by the time I arrived. I had run to Walplex to grab a bottle of Advil on the way. Monty’s Jeep was parked out front and I spotted Parker’s Ram was parked up the road a little ways. I parked in an open spot and made my way past the people milling in the front. “Julie!” Bryce called, raising his beer in my direction.

“Bryce!”

“Hey Monty, your girl is here.”

“Not my girl Bryce.” Monty laughed as he handed me a drink.

“How many has he had already?” I whispered.

“Two.” I blinked slowly.

“So, is this Bryce in a good mood?”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

“Hey Jules.” Parker snaked his arms around my waist and kissed my head. “Hey Monty.”

“Hey. Parker.”

“Oh, shit you’re right. She’s his girl now.”

“Fuck off Bryce.” I teased. Monty was looking at Parker and I with his brow furrowed. I mouthed later to him.

The three of us moved through the party easily. Monty and Parker talked about the game. I tuned them out. I was too busy watching them. It was nice to see my boyfriend and my best friend getting along so well. Maybe that was why I never dated much before. I was scared they wouldn’t get along. Soon enough, Scott pulled Parker away to chat. “Go ahead. I’m good here with Monty.”

“You sure?” I nodded, placing my hand on his arm.

“Just don’t steal him for too long Reed.” I kissed him on the cheek. Scott nodded. When they were out of earshot, Monty spoke.

“You didn’t tell him you hate being called Jules?”

“It’s cute when he does it.”

“Julie. I saw your face when he said it. Your eye twitched.”

“Muscle spasm.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” I caught Scott’s eye from across the room. He nodded slightly to me. I took that to mean I should hear what they were talking about.

“Oh, would you look at that. My cup is empty. Time for another drink. Refill?” I took his cup anyway and he followed me into the kitchen.

While I was refilling our cups, Monty’s with beer and mine with a Crown and Sprite, I listened in on their conversation. Monty tried to hide it but I knew he was listening too. We whispered nothings to each other to make it seem like we weren’t eavesdropping. “So what exactly is their relationship then?” Parker asked. He’s asking about me and Monty.

“They’ve been best friends for as long as anyone can remember. There isn’t anything more to it.”

“They seem to spend a lot of time together.”

“Like I said, they’re best friends. And I don’t think I’m the person you need to be having this discussion with.”

“You know them best. Do I need to be concerned?”

“What? No, of course not. Look. She’s never really dated anyone before. It’s always just been the two of them. You have been seeing Julie for a week officially. It’s going to take some time for that relationship to change. Just leave it alone for now. And Monty is a good guy. He’s an asshole. But he’s a good guy. If he wanted to make a move, he wouldn’t do it now. Not knowing that she is in a relationship. You really should talk to Julie about this though.”

“I will. I just wanted to get a little bit of insight from someone else first. Thanks man.”

“No problem.”

Parker did that guy handshake thing with Scott and started walking in our direction. My eyes widened. Monty just smirked and mouthed math test to me.

“Anyway, yeah. That math test was totally brutal.”

“I’m sure you did great.”

“I’m literally eighty percent sure I failed. Mind you, so is everyone else.”

“I have it on Monday so thanks for the heads up. Oh, hey Parker.”

“Hey guys. What’s on Monday?”

“Math test that ruined my entire class.”

“Damn.” I put my arm around Parker’s waist and leaned into him.

Monty was scanning the room. To Parker, he was just looking at the crowd. But I was familiar with that look. He was on the hunt. I pulled Parker away discreetly so we could be alone and he could seem available. Monty nodded and smirked at us. Fuck off you little shit. I stuck my tongue out at him and Parker rolled his eyes. We managed to find a quiet corner that was unoccupied. “So, your drink is Crown and Sprite. You hate math. You don’t like chemistry. You like extra lettuce on your cheeseburger. We’ve been friends for months and I never really noticed any of that.”

“You like vodka in your iced tea. But your drink is whisky and Coke. You hate history. You also don’t like chemistry. You get tomatoes on the side of your burgers. I think you knew all of that about me. It just didn’t matter before.”

“That makes sense.” I laid my head on his shoulder and we sat together like that for a while. We were still getting used to the change in our relationship.

I looked up from my lap and caught Monty’s eye across the room. He had a girl in his sights. I nodded to him. He smiled, thinking no one else would see. The smile he reserved for me. Before he went to talk to whatever girl he would have under his spell and realistically, him in less than twenty minutes, he came over to us. “I’m probably going to be busy for the rest of the night, so will you make sure she gets home okay?”

“Yeah. No problem.” Monty turned to me and gave me a pleading look.

“Dude. Again? Seriously?”

“I didn’t have time to stop on the way over.” He shrugged, acting innocent.

“One of these days I won’t be here. Or I’ll leave my wallet at home. Or I won’t be carrying. What are you going to do then?”

“That isn’t a right now problem. Now do you, or don’t you?”

“I do. Calm down.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. Parker was watching our interaction with a puzzled look on his face. I pulled out the square silver packet and handed it to him. Monty accepted it gratefully.

“Thank you. You are a life saver.”

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning, Montgomery.”

“Never do, Juliette.”

“And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I make no promises.” I sighed deeply. Of course, you don’t. Monty waved at us again and ran off to go make a move on whatever girl it was this time.

I looked at Parker and he was staring at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“You carry condoms around for him?”

“No. I carry them around for me. And if he needs one, then I give it to him.”

“But why?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but he’s kind of a whore. He is my best friend, but the man is a whore. I’d rather give him a condom than take him to get tested or become a cool aunt. I’m too young for that.”

“What if you needed it?”

“Will I need it? Because I wasn’t exactly planning on needing it.”

“I don’t know. You never know.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I have a whole box at home anyway. I don’t plan on using any tonight though.”

“I wasn’t either.”

“If it makes you feel better, I can start carrying two. Also, I put a fresh one in my wallet every morning so it’s not like they’re sitting.” He only nodded in understanding. Monty was right. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night. He texted me later that he was crashing at Bryce’s.

A few weeks after that party, things with Monty and I were the same as they always were. Parker never brought up his conversation with Scott. I attributed it to seeing us around each other and Parker being comfortable with the status of our relationship. We were getting home from a coffee date. “My parents are working late if you want to come inside. My mom has a double at the hospital.”

“Sure.” He slipped his hand in my back pocket when I was unlocking the door. I blushed. Inside, I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter. He draped his coat over a chair and sat down. I was digging through the cabinets for a snack when he surprised me with a question.

“What’s going on with you and Monty?”

“Uh.” I paused because he caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just how you guys act with each other. I never noticed it before. Or I did and thought it would stop after we got together.”

“I don’t understand the question?”

“Do I need to be concerned about your relationship with him, Juliette?”

“No. Not at all. Monty is the last person you need to concern yourself with. It’s never been like that with us.”

“So, you just flirt with each other and finish each other’s sentences for no reason?”

“Okay, first of all, we do not flirt with each other. Second of all, we have been best friends since we were in elementary. Which means we know things about each other.” I was walking back to the table with a bowl of M&Ms. Placing it on the table, I sat in his lap gently. He wrapped his arms around me.

“You carry condoms around in your wallet and give him one whenever he wants.”

“I already told you why I carry them Parker.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

“You’re sure there’s never been anything between you guys?” Nothing reciprocated.

“I promise there has never anything between us. He really isn’t a concern that way Parker.” I kissed his neck softly. It was barely a brush of my lips against his skin.

“Do you still have that box?”

“Mhmmm.” He stood me up and grasped my hand.

“Lead the way Jules.”

The next day, I woke up alone. Parker had snuck out after a little bit of cuddling, so my parents didn’t find him here. I stared up at my ceiling for a few minutes. It was different with him. It means something. Maybe that’s what I needed to get Monty out of my system. Maybe it had to mean something. I groaned when my alarm went off again. Reluctantly, I got up and got ready to go to school. My dad had already left for work again. I texted Parker and Monty before I left. Stopping for coffee if you want anything.

Parker answered first. I’m good, thanks though babe.

Monty answered a few minutes later. Since you offered, my usual?

Gotcha. See you at school.

Coffees in hand, I pulled up to school. Parker was waiting for me just outside the parking lot. “Hey you.” He kissed me. We were walking to my locker when he saw the second coffee, he continued, “I said I didn’t want anything.”

“Oh. This isn’t for you. It’s for Monty.”

“Ah, yes.”

“We talked about this last night Park.”

“I know. That’s not all we did last night.” He muttered, leaning in to kiss my neck.

“Yeah. Last night was pretty great.” I smiled.

“What about last night?” Monty asked, scaring me a little.

“Jesus Monty. I need to buy you a bell or something. Why do you have to be the only guy at this school whose shoes don’t squeak?” I turned and stuck out his coffee.

“Parker’s don’t squeak.” I rolled my eyes. As though he could snese that I wanted to talk to Monty alone, he made a quick exit.

“I’ll catch you at lunch Jules.”

“Okay. Save some cheese for me.” Parker kissed me before walking away.

“So, what about last night?” Monty asked again after Parker left. I was quiet and blushed deeply. “Julie, what happened?”

“Homerun.”

“Shit. Seriously?”

“Yeah. It was good. Nice.”

“That… that’s great.” I didn’t notice the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes or that he stammered.

“I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Uh, yeah. I have a couple of things to do for Coach, but I should be able to make at least a little bit of lunch.”

“Okay.”

I fully expected my relationship with Parker to change after that night. But I never expected that night would cause my relationship with Montgomery change too. It seemed like the closer I got to Parker the more distant Monty became. At first, it was little things. He had stuff to do with the guys or for sports stuff at lunches. Or he had things to do after practice. He wouldn’t stop to talk as long in the halls with me. If his dad was on another tear, I would find out about it the next day at school instead of that night. He brushed it off when I asked him about it. “I don’t want to seem like more of a burden. I have other places I can crash too,” he had said. For some reason, I believed him. I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t the first time he had taken a break from always coming to my place. I didn’t think it would be the last time.

But then, as the days and weeks passed, our relationship became even more strained. He had stopped waiting for me after games. He had all but stopped talking to me at school. My texts were left on read for hours, whereas before, he would answer me within minutes. What had initially been dubbed a ‘break’ from seeking refuge at my house, had become a full out ending. One Monday, when I got to school his cheek was stitched closed. I stopped dead in my tracks and covered my mouth in shock. Upon closer inspection when I passed, it looked like it was stitched with sewing thread. Why didn’t he come to me? He knows my mom keeps a suture kit in the first aid kit. He all but looked through me when he caught me looking. If he saw me coming now, he walked in the other direction. For the first time, my best friend was literally all out ignoring me. I didn’t know what to do. So, I tried to do the same. If he wants to ignore me, then two can play at that game. We pretended the other person didn’t exist.

“Hey, are you okay?” Parker asked me when we were sitting on the couch watching tv.

“Yeah.” I was scrolling through my phone.

“You haven’t looked up from your phone for an entire episode.”

“Huh? Has it been that long?”

“Yes. What are you looking at?” I was scrolling through my texts with Montgomery. The last time we had texted each other was three weeks ago. Before then, the last time we went longer than two days not texting each other was when I was at summer camp and we weren’t allowed to have our phones for a week. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong or what made our relationship change. Parker took my phone from me and closed out of messages when he saw what I was looking at. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you because you have a boyfriend, that’s his problem.”

“That’s not why Parker.”

“How do you know?”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Would he?

“How do you know he wouldn’t, Jules?”

“We promised each other a long time ago that we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Those people?”

“The people who stopped talking when one of us got into a relationship. We promised.”

“Okay, well if you promised then I’m probably wrong.” He sounded skeptical.

“We promised.” I muttered. Parker pulled me closer and held me while I tried to focus on our show.

I was sitting cross legged on the couch playing I Almost Do on my guitar while I listened to the rain hitting the roof. The old Disney World sweatshirt I was wearing helped me to stay warm, even though the heat was on. As I finished the bridge, there was a knock at the door. I’m not expecting anyone. Maybe its Parker swinging by to keep me company. I set my guitar down on the coffee table and went to answer the door when there was another, more impatient knock. “I’m coming, keep your pants on.” I muttered under my breath. Yanking open the door I felt my jaw hit the floor. “Monty.” I breathed. He was soaked. His hair fell on his forehead and I could tell the flannel he wore was soaked through.

“Hey.” Was all he said. I blinked at him slowly. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah come in.” I said, moving out of the way while I tried to figure out what he was doing here. “Did you like… walk here or something?”

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

“No. Trust you not to wear a jacket in the pouring rain though.” He didn’t respond. He just looked around the living room. Okay. This isn’t weird and awkward at all. “What are you doing here Montgomery?”

“I thought about what I wanted to say to you the whole way here. And now that I’m here….”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have some stuff I need to say to you Julie.”

“Oh okay. Now you want to talk to me. Right.” I crossed my arms.

“Can you just let me say what I need to say?”

“Why? I mean, you’ve been avoiding me like the fucking plague for weeks Montgomery. Why should I listen to what you have to say?”

“Because it’s important Juliette.”

“Fine. Speak.” This better be good.

“I don’t know how to say this. I literally had this all planned out in my head on the way here.” He began. I remained silent. “I get that you’re mad at me for avoiding you, but I have reasons for it. And I need you to understand that it hasn’t been easy for me. You’re one of my closest friends.” I let out a dry, unamused laugh. Sure. You just avoid all of your friends. Totally normal behaviour for you. Monty sighed before continuing, “I couldn’t sit around and watch you with Parker. I tried. Believe me. I fucking tried. I tried being happy for you and I tried being friends with him. I tried to ignore everything in me that was screaming to just walk away. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed to walk away for both of our sakes. It wasn’t fair to you for me to be half out of our friendship and it wasn’t fair to me to have to keep everything in. It wasn’t healthy.”

“So, you couldn’t be friends with me, or say anything about why you were suddenly shutting me out, because I have a boyfriend? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. And we promised we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Oh, for fucks-. No Juliette. I couldn’t be friends with you because I’ve been in love with you for four years.”

My eyes widened at his revelation and I felt the colour drain from my face. What? I couldn’t think of anything else to do except laugh. “Yeah, sure you are Monty. That’s rich.”

“You think I would joke about that? You know me Julie.”

“No. I think if you did love me, you would have had the balls to fucking say something about it before I got into a relationship. Or at the very least, to not act like a fuckin’ child when I did get into a relationship.”

“When exactly would I have told you? Somewhere between when you were worrying about your friends and when you were pining after Parker?”

“Yes. Parker and I were friends with each other for months before we started dating. At any of those times, you could have put on your big boy pants and fucking said something about how you felt.”

“That’s nice that you think that. Do you think I would walk halfway across town in the pouring rain for someone I wasn’t in love with? Seriously Juliette?”

“Maybe.” I replied. I was still angry with him, but he did have a point. “It doesn’t matter. You waited too long. I’m with Parker now.” He scoffed. I hadn’t realized how close he had gotten to me until now.

“Doesn’t matter? Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it. Tell me you don’t feel the fluttering or the warmth when we are together. And then tell me that what you feel with Parker is anything close to that.”

“I-I-I….” I started, trying to meet his hardened gaze.

“You can’t can you?” My silence spoke volumes. “Tell me you don’t want this.” He whispered, as he caressed my cheek. I couldn’t tell him that. And I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. For the first time, I had allowed myself to consider the feelings I had buried down deep for so long. I opened the box in my heart labeled danger, and damn it felt good. I reached up and tapped his arm quickly, twice. Our silent ‘okay’ signal when we couldn’t speak. He immediately kissed me hungrily and backed me against the nearest wall. My hands immediately went to his belt and began to tug at it, in a heated attempt to undo it. He nipped at my lip sharply and I growled lowly from the back of my throat. Giving up on the fickle strip of leather, I began to fight with his still wet shirt. The flannel stuck to the cotton of his t-shirt more and more with every tug. Abandoning the idea of removing them separately, I grabbed the bottom of his shirts together and pulled up harshly. All the while, his lips never left mine. The only time they did was to give me the space to pull off his tops. His eyes had darkened at least two shades as he stood in front of me. I felt my pupils dilate again as I reached out for him. He was on me in seconds. The feeling of him tugging at my sweater, now sightly damp from his clothes, as though I was a prize he couldn’t wait to tear into, stirred something inside of me. The primal aggressiveness and the slow burning, ever present tension of the situation making any consequences of our actions, seem totally irrelevant. He managed to remove my shirt with far fewer struggles than I did and began attacking my neck, leaving wet kisses and stinging nips down one side and then the other. Once again, I tried my hand at undoing his belt again. This time, I was able to. Quickly undoing it, I pulled it through the loops of his dark jeans and went for the button. He placed his hand on mine to stop me. I looked at him questioningly.

“What?” I asked, breathlessly.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this in your living room.” He said, panting. I nodded in agreement and suddenly, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Monty!” I exclaimed, taken by surprise. He merely tightened his grip on my waist as he walked through the house to my room in the basement.

In my dark room, only illuminated by the dim pink-red glow of the salt lamp on my nightstand, he strode towards my bed and dropped me on my back. I reached out to him as he took a step back from the bed. “Get back here.” I demanded. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No. Nuh uh. I’ve waited far too long for this moment.” He smirked, devilishly. I groaned in displeasure at him. His smirk widened.

Deciding it was time to take matters into my own hands again, I sat up and slid off my bed. Taking my place on my knees in front of him, I reached up and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. He made no move to stop me as I dropped to my knees and pulled the denim harshly. They fell in a pool at his feet and I sat back on my heels as I stared at the bulge in his boxers. I growled lowly in the back of my throat and reached for the waistband of his boxers. Pulling them down, I watched his cock spring free and whined unconsciously. My movements were suddenly timid as I reached for it. It wasn’t my first time by any means. But it felt different this time. This time it was with Monty. And you have a boyfriend who isn’t Monty. Oh, shut up and let me enjoy this. I’ll deal with the consequences later. Grasping his thick, heavy cock in my hand, I stroked it softly. This was so wrong, yet it felt so wonderfully right.

My strokes changed as I gained more confidence and was able to push away any intrusive thoughts about Parker. They were faster and I tightened my grip slightly. Montgomery let out a sharp breath when my ring fingernail caught a bit of skin. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re excited. Just remember we have all night Julie.”

“I know.” His hips started to buck a little bit and my mouth began to water.

“We have plenty of time for that later.” I groaned a little. “Look at me.” I looked up at him through my lashes. “I promise you can after I fuck you into your mattress.” My eyes widened as big as saucers. We went from five to a hundred real quick. Fucking hot though.

Monty took my bicep in his hand to pull me up before pushing me back down on the bed roughly. I gasped in shock. I sat up on my elbows and watched him unbutton and rip open the zipper on my jeans. He pulled them down with a little help from me. He took a very brief second to admire my mint underwear before pulling them off and chucking them across my room. I sat up to undo and remove my pink bralette. A low growl came from deep in his chest when my breasts were out in the open and I was naked. His eyes scanned my body hungrily. My own dark eyes admired his naked body. I grabbed his arm to pull him down towards me.

“There is so much I want to do to you, but it will have to wait until later.” He whispered in my ear, biting at my earlobe. He bit and sucked his way down my neck, easily pulling loud moans out of me. There were sure to be marks all over my neck in the morning. Consequences be damned.

“Later, yes.” I panted. I could feel his hard length against my thigh. I rutted my hips against his. He kissed me passionately. When his hand trailed down my body, I knew his intentions. “No time. Just do it. Need it.” He stilled. The passion and tension were still in the air but there was a slight shift.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes. Just be quick about it and it’ll be fine.” I stuck out my pinky. He linked his with mine.

“If you need me to stop and adjust, just say so.”

“I will.” I nodded, trying to edge him along. Just hurry the hell up and do it.

Monty straightened up and pulled my hips closer to the edge of the bed. I shut my eyes as he lined his cock up with my entrance. No matter how ready I was and how much I wanted it, it was still a reflex. I barely felt the tip, but I knew more was coming. He held my hands in his, interlocking our fingers as he pushed further. The stretch stung a little. He was bigger than Parker and without taking the time to prepare me, it burned slightly. I whimpered softly and he stilled immediately. Only about half was inside of me. “No, no keep going. Please.” I begged.

“I don’t want to hurt you Juliette.”

“Montgomery. I need you to do it. It hurts more if you stop. Please just do it. You can give me time to adjust after.” I told him seriously, staring into his eyes.

“Okay. Deep breath.” I sucked in a big breath and let it out as he quickly thrust the rest of his cock into me. I yelped sharply and he stilled again. I felt him go to pull out and growled harshly at him.

“Don’t you dare. Just give me a second.” He nodded and stayed still, allowing me time to adjust to his size.

After a minute or so, I was ready. The pain had dissipated for the most part. I felt like we could keep going. “Okay.” I nodded. His thrusts were slow and shallow at first. The more he did it, the more comfortable it became. When my moans grew louder, his thrusting became faster. He was fucking me hard and fast. Quite literally fucking me into the mattress. I tried to match him thrust for thrust. It was sloppy at first, but soon enough, we had a good rhythm going. He leaned down more, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His cock was buried deeper in me and I screamed. He was moaning and grunting softly in my ear. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his back. Dragging my nails down, I scratched him from his shoulder blades all the way down to his mid to low back.

“Jesus Christ.” He spat out. I smirked and dug my nails into his back. He nipped my collar bone. I was panting and I could feel my core tightening. “Fuck. You are so fucking tight.” Monty stood straight again and hooked one of my legs over his shoulder. The changed angle felt like magic. My moans had become whimpers again. I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming once again. He used his right hand to rub my clit harshly while his left steadied the leg on his shoulder. I couldn’t hold a scream in after that. His thrusts were starting to get sloppy just as I had begun to fall over the edge. My orgasm hit me like a freight train. My entire body shook. I groaned when I felt his own orgasm hit. The feeling of his cock pulsing inside of me was exquisite. Thank God for birth control and regular testing. Monty pulled out of me gently and half fell, half laid down onto my bed beside me. He was panting harshly. So was I.

“Fuck me.” I muttered.

“I just did.” He panted. I groaned, unable to find the energy to flip him off or move or make an actual noise in response. After a couple of minutes, he stood and put his boxers back on. I hadn’t moved. He walked to the bathroom across the hall, and I heard the water running. Back in my room, he gently wiped me clean with a warm washcloth. It felt very nice on my sensitive folds. I groaned again. Once I was wiped clean, he climbed on the bed again and pulled me close. I snuggled against his chest.

I woke up in Montgomery’s strong arms the next morning. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I groaned softly. Monty stirred behind me. I leaned into him. He sighed. “Half of me thought last night was a really hot dream.” He mumbled sleepily.

“It wasn’t.” I yawned. We rolled onto our backs and I stared at the ceiling. We were quiet for a time. I was processing what happened last night. I cheated on Parker. With the one person…. The one person what? I told him not to worry about? I mean, yeah. But if that was the reason, I would have regretted it as soon as we were done. Oh shit. What does this mean for our friendship?

“Do you regret it?” I paused before answering. I knew the answer already but what would it say about me if I answered him immediately?

“No. Do you?”

“Not a bit.”

“What does this mean? What are we supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell you what to do. But if I were you, I would break up with Parker.”

“That would be the kind thing to do.”

“Yes.”

“Did… did you mean what you said last night?”

“About you?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it kind of obvious?” He motioned between the two of us. I laughed.

“I just wanted to confirm.” Monty chuckled and turned to kiss my temple.

“Does this mean,” I paused again, “was this just to get it out of our systems? Or do you want more?”

“I want more if you want more. I’d also be down for another round.” I sat up a little and pulled the sheet around my chest to look at him. He was smirking wider than I had seen him smirk in a long time.

“I think I would like more. And as for another round, I think I need to talk to Parker first before this goes any further.” He considered that for a moment.

“That’s fair. I can respect that.” We were quiet again. He’s all you’ve ever really wanted anyway.

#montgomery de la cruz #monty imagine #montgomery de la cruz imagine #monty de la cruz fanfic #monty x oc #monty x reader #montgomery de la cruz x reader #13 reasons why #montgomery de la cruz x oc #smut #13 rw #thirteen reasons why #fanfiction #fanfic #writeblr #creative writing #feeback #requested

144 notes · View notes

sexysilverstrider · 4 years ago

Text

Icy Jealousy (Kaelumi)

Kaeya was never much of a jealous person.

He had his own ideals to chase. His own agendas to fulfil. He had no time to indulge in such trivial matters. He may have a fling every now and then, but all that would be snipped away in a blink of an eye before any of his playful encounters could even take a glance at his guarded heart.

Kaeya had no need to be worried about such mindless—laughable, even—matters.

That was…until she came into his life.

----------

At first it was her encounter with the mysterious bard. Venti was ever so joyful, ever so clingy. While looking as innocent as any child, Kaeya would be a fool to think the bard was anything of the sort. Clearly there was something more when he looked at him, and oftentimes Kaeya wanted to subtly interrogate the youthful boy. Who knows? Maybe the many information Venti held might be of some use to his grand agenda.

Well, that was the initial plan.

“Lumine!”

To see Venti clinging to Lumine’s arm, Kaeya soon realized that he wished to interrogate the bard for an entirely different reason.

Shock jumped her shoulders at the playful embrace on her right arm. “Geez, Venti!” Her head turned to the side, lips pulling a pout to see him. “Don’t startle me. If I was any more surprised, I might accidentally punch you as a reaction.”

Her mild threat didn’t even faze him. “Ehee,” he chuckled, smile as guiltless as his response. “Sorry, Lumine.” His slid a few steps back, though arms now wrapped around her right arm. “Care to join me for a drink? I heard Diluc had some really great wine brought in today?”

Her pout softened to a smile. A sigh came out next. “If you’re paying.”

“I got that covered!” Clearly, he did not.

Nevertheless, arm in arm, they walked towards their destination. Laughter and conversation bubbled between them as they shared stories of her journeys and his travels.

Kaeya only watched from a few steps afar, silent and analytical.

The smirk he wore bore such ill will. Maybe he should pay a visit to the tavern today.

----------

Sometimes, Kaeya had the pleasure of joining her in her little adventures. Whenever she set foot in Mondstadt, Lumine never missed the chance of paying a visit to the knights of Favonius. Kaeya—much to his silent glee—was one of them. The delight only heightened when he managed to squeeze time in his busy schedule to accompany her during commission work.

In truth, he either changed his knightly tasks to ‘Team Up with Lumine’ or ignore his work assignments entirely.

He could apologize to Jean later.

During their travels, Kaeya got to a side of Lumine he rarely saw back in Mondstadt. He saw how fearless, how vigorous, and at times how reckless even to see her in action. Her plans were oftentimes near to perfection. Her movements were like wind itself, rising and soaring as she threw her enemies afar. The more he looked at her, the more he observed her, Kaeya knew he was walking on dangerous territory to regard her in such a…vulnerable way.

He also knew that he wasn’t alone in this matter.

“Lumine.”

His calm voice caught her attention. Dissolving her sword back to nonexistence, she turned her heel. “Yes, Razor?” Her smile beamed upon the rugged boy. Kaeya only stood next to her, a single eyebrow raised in silent curiosity.

Razor’s whole focus was on Lumine only. “Your hand.” Without hesitation, he held her left wrist. “Hurt.” Carefully he turned her hand, revealing a small gash on her palm.

As adrenaline slowly eased off from her, realization finally acknowledged the numbing pain. “Oh—ah!” One eye closed as she flinched. A chuckle slipped out like a child in trouble, Lumine scratched the side of her neck with her other hand. “I didn’t realize tha—”

Slurp.

Not only the traveler, but shock was clear as day in the knight-captain’s eye.

The pain was brief, but amber eyes were round as they could be due to a different kind of reaction. “R-Razor—?!” A squeak peeped as she felt his tongue on her palm again. The blood on her skin was slowly being licked away, the pressure stinging her quite a bit but warming her face most definitely.

“I clean.” Razor merely stated, head lowered to her hand and tongue once again ready to wipe the blood clean.

…That was…until he felt her hand being snatched away from him.

Crimson eyes quickly glared at the man next to her.

Kaeya didn’t say a word, yet a smile was evident, its curve so laced with malice and indignation. A growl echoed in the barren battlefield; he couldn’t tell whether the sound came from the boy or himself.

----------

The months where he hadn’t seen Lumine were apparently the worse.

Kaeya had bid his farewells. He had wished her journey a safe one. He had other duties to attend too. And she clearly had her brother to find. He knew this would be a short-lived rela—friendship, and Kaeya had set it clear in his mind that she wouldn’t stay with hi—in Mondstadt—for long.

It seemed his heart didn’t get the memo.

Thankfully, after nearly 6 months of not seeing her, Lumine actually came back. She informed Jean that she dropped by for a visit, saying even that she missed Monndstadt and its people after months of being away.

When Kaeya heard of it, it truly made his heart flutter.

When he saw her new companion, however, it truly made his heart burn.

Zhongli only watched silently as Venti and Lumine shared stories. Happiness bloomed within the ex-archon to see his old friend. Venti was still as witty, was still as cunning, and he found it amusing that the now bard immediately hid behind Lumine the moment they reunited.

“Just making sure.” A single chuckle held being thinned lips as he brought the scene to his mind. Golden eyes then spotted some strands of Lumine’s hair dangling by the side of her face. They swayed and brushed across her left ear, catching his attention like a cat to a ball of yarn.

Without a word, Zhongli casually slipped through those beautiful locks with his fingers and gently tucked them behind her ear.

The simple action surely made Lumine flinch. Quickly she looked to the side, amber eyes wide and face quite warm from the gentle contact.

Upon seeing what he assumed was a mistake, Zhongli quickly let out a short cough. “Apologies, Lumine.” He placed his cup down onto the table. “Your hair is just simply mesmerizing, I couldn’t help myself.” Honesty was his virtue, and the Geo archon simply gifted the surprised traveler a warm smile.

Her face felt hotter, it seemed. “It’s okay, Zhongli.” She laughed it off, one hand on her cheek. “I just felt ticklish is all.” The conversation was then cut short to Venti’s sly chuckle, bringing both human and makeshift human back to the reality that they were not alone. Zhongli merely continued indulging in his tea, while Lumine rolled her eyes and teased the bard with many comebacks that she learned from her journey.

While the scene played out like rainbows and sunshine, the even happening in the bar was anything but.

“Oi,” Diluc interjected, “can you stop trying to shatter my glass? If you wanted some frozen popsicles, go to the dessert stall down the street.” His tongue clicked as crimson eyes glared at the man sitting across him.

Azure gaze, cold and icy like the element, kept its focus on the trio.

“Ah,” Kaeya simply, finally, responded. Fingers released the glass he had clutched. Flakes of ice and snow now enveloped the clear glassware, almost revealing cracks as the liquor inside of it had turned to solid ice.

He turned to face the pyro user. His lips formed a smile, the corners swirled to a sinister curve that rivalled the spine-chilling element on his fingertips. “Sorry, dear Diluc.” He straightened his back, smile still forced in its place. “Would you be so kind as to warm my drink up?”

“I’d rather burn you to the ground.”

Her laughter echoed the second Diluc gave his blunt remark. Her laughter alone was enough to snatch every single attention Kaeya had.

Her laughter alone was enough to ignite a monstrous flame within his chest.

“Kaeya!” Anger fumed when Diluc saw the plane of ice on the bar. It seemed that the knight-captain truly wanted to be turned to ashes.

----------

After a week of contemplating—both his heart and his mind—Kaeya decided to do the one thing that would surely piss Jean off.

In truth, he actually enjoyed traveling with Lumine and her companions. The adventure took his mind off things. The countless dangerous encounters lit a fire within him. While the Knights of Favonius had special training for those with visions, nothing beat an actual face-to-face against inhuman enemies in order to test his elemental strengths and skills. It truly helped that Kaeya got to see Lumine in action as well, more so than he usually did in the past.

She was still the same. Reckless but calculating. Gentle but rough. It seemed she had obtained the Geo elemental as well, much to his silent surprise. While Lisa did inform him before that the traveler did not possess a vision, to see her wield both Anemo and Geo further piqued his curiosity and interest about her.

Well, he knew the secret to her power was only half of his genuine interest. The other half was…something Kaeya still chose not to disclose, be it to her or himself.

After nearly weeks of camping, they finally decided to rest in Wangshu Inn. It seemed like a giant treehouse, Kaeya mentally noted, and he was widely impressed at how sturdy the structure was despite the amount of people and chaos inside it. Zhongli suggested they rested here for a couple of nights while they restock on some resources and weapons. And although Lumine and Paimon agreed to it, Kaeya soon realized that the ones doing the payment was Lumine herself.

Like a gentleman, Kaeya paid for his room, of course—and Razor’s too since he warmed up to the young wolf boy during their journey.

Night dawned upon them, and it was the most beautiful Kaeya had ever seen. Granted, Mondstadt was glorious with its lights and grandeur, but nothing could compare to the beauty nature had exposed before them. The gleaming line of lit lanterns truly complimented the sky above. And for once in his life, he truly felt at peace.

That was…until azure eye spotted the target of his affections talking to someone new.

“How do you like your almond tofu?” Lumine asked, head tilted slightly as she looked at the quiet adepti. Xiao merely nodded, gaze on his food and attention trying its best to focus on the delicacy.

Her laugh was slowly breaking his concentration, however.

“Hmm…” Slowly he swallowed, then huffed out single sigh. The distance between them wasn’t as far, but it wasn’t as close either. As Lumine rested her arms against the wooden rail of the balcony, Xiao only stood perfectly still with the warm plate still in his hand. He was highly aware of the small distance between them, and this also made him aware of the warmth that slowly seeped into his skin.

He still refused to move from his single spot.

“Good…” Whether the answer was for the food or the moment they were having, neither could tell.

As the two enjoyed their peaceful night, one lone man stood from afar, his breathing exhaled in low specks of a chilly breeze.

----------

Finally, after 2 months of travelling, they finally arrived in Liyue. The place was gorgeous, Kaeya couldn’t lie. It seemed that the city was Zhongli’s birthplace—"or something like that,” as explained by Venti. The reason of them coming back to the land was because Zhongli had to attend to his own work matter.

Kaeya wanted to comment on it, but he decided to bite his tongue when he was reminded that he too somewhat shirked his duties to be closer to Lumine.

He was happy that he finally got to spend time with her. Like a holiday of sorts. While Paimon of course oftentimes clung to her like glue, Kaeya still managed to trick the floating creature with some delicious delicacies in any nearby restaurant. Even Razor couldn’t be seen, as Lumine informed Kaeya that the wolf boy preferred the wild environment, so he made camp in an area not too far from the city so he could come as soon as possible when she calls for him.

Yes. It truly was the perfect moment for Kaeya to get closer to Lumine.

…Or so he thought.

“Ojou-chaaan,” Her name lulled in a singsong tune, she felt her shoulders being firmly hugged by someone whom brought a huge sigh off her chest.

“Now, now.” Faking an offended expression, Childe placed one hand on his chest. “I’m only here to fight my favourite comrade!”

Slap. Without haste, she slapped his hands away from her. “I’m busy, Childe.”

“Oh?” He didn’t take offense at all. “You don’t look busy.” He walked beside her. The more she picked up the pace, the more he followed it.

Deciding that running would only encourage the harbinger even more, Lumine finally slowed down. She knew he was a very, very persistent man. So with another sigh leaving her lips, she shot a glare at him.

His eerie smile became a lovely match.

“I am busy.” Amber eyes looked at the list in her right hand. “I’m searching for stuff and things to buy before we head out. Unlike you—” Another glare was given.”—who seem like he has a lot of free time in the world, I need to keep on moving to complete my mission.”

The ‘mission’ she firmly stated was something they both knew was a delicate topic, so Childe decided go against asking it further.

Instead, he still made it worse. “Oh? I’m always busy, ojou-chan.” Lower lip pulled to a playful pout. The back of his hand dramatically moved to his forehead. “Can’t you see how tired I am? I am absolutely fatigued by the amount of work my stupid co-workers have put me through.”

“If you’re tired, then why the stars do you insist on battling with me today?”

Lumine honestly expected his playful banter. She had prepared a retort. Her mind had generated words that would surely put him into a stupor.

What she didn’t expect was her left arm to be pulled and her body being turned to the side.

Amber eyes were wide. Everything happened so fast as the traveler then felt her chin being tipped upwards from a single finger.

“Because…” A voice, lulled so close and so deep, brushed her pink lips. “Battling with you is never tiring.” Cobalt blue eyes were as striking as the deepest oceans. “Every time I see you…” His gaze lingered. His voice lowered. “I have this urge to just mess—” His right hand that held her left arm moved down… “—you—” And down… “—up…” Palm pressed firmly against the side of her waist—

Shing!

Pupils shot to the side the moment he felt a cold breeze. Instincts kicking in fast, Childe immediately released his hold on her and slid a few steps back. In a flash, he summoned his water blades, expression masked to one of annoyance. Luckily, the ice shard—he soon realized—missed him by a hair’s breadth. The back of his hand still felt the chill, and this only made him tighten his hold.

In truth, Lumine was ready to summon her own wind element to whoosh the fatui away. As hot as her face felt right now, it seemed that shock still kept hold of her heart and mind as she felt her body being pulled yet again.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry I’m late, Lumine.” She recognized that voice anywhere.

One hand around her shoulders, Kaeya graced the harbinger before him with the cruellest, most sinister smile one had ever seen. Though sword not in sight in fear that he might cause enough attention than he already had, Kaeya still stretched his left hand forward. Tiny sparks of ice danced across his fingertips, spiralling small swirls towards his target.

Fear was never present in Childe’s eyes.

“Ojou-chan,” he called for her, voice light with poison, “it seems you have something stuck on you. Need me to take care of it?” While his grand scheme was to have a duel with her, Childe honestly didn’t mind a warm-up. White teeth gleamed under the sun’s rays. Gaze never torn from the traveler’s stunned face.

He was mocking her; Kaeya knew this. “Oya, oya.” A single laugh chilled the Liyue air. “Underestimating me, aren’t you? That’s fine.” While true, his past self did choose to not summon his sword, “I always love to see my enemies being horribly humiliated.” his present self now had other plans.

The sword breezed and solidified into his hands in a blink. To see the tip of a sharp weapon right in front of him, it only infuriated and excited Childe even further. A gust of ice and a burst of water formed around them, quickly and surely attracting an audience that feared for the sudden animosity.

Both were ready to fight. Both were ready to spill blood.

“That—”

Both…

“—is enough!”

…were now being blown away straight to a nearby lake by a powerful tornado.

----------

It had almost been a year since Lumine’s presence. Almost a year since she changed the lives of many. Her mission was still ongoing. The search for her brother was still top priority on her list. But in her many adventures, her presence did bring joy and hope some thought they had lost forever.

“Diluc! One more please!”

It seemed that he was part of the ‘some’, after all.

“Isn’t this your third glass?” A single eyebrow raised. He watched as she giggled shyly, one finger pushing the strand of blonde locks behind her ear.

Cute. He understood why Kaeya of all people was struggling when it comes to her.

“Ma-aybe,” she hiccupped, one hand then quickly cupping her mouth.

Really cute. He understood why Kaeya had oftentimes lost his cool around her.

Coughing once, Lumine cocked her head in pride. “It’s a party. No harm in celebrating once in a while. Besides, I still have some senses left in me.” Her smile shined as bright as the flames of his element. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she then looked around. “Hmm, where’s Kaeya?”

If not for the many years of masking his emotions so perfectly, Diluc would raise his eyebrows in surprise. “Don’t know,” he bluntly replied, hands continued to wipe and clean a wineglass.

Crimson eyes observed as her mouth pulled a frown.

“He was here a minute ago…” She seemed sullen? Crestfallen? Disappointed? The change of tone in her voice evoked a glint of surprise in his eyes. While Kaeya was a master of faking his emotions as he was a master of hiding his, Diluc knew his bro—the annoying cavalry captain lately had a hard time keeping his feelings in check when Lumine becomes the matter. As surprising as it was at first, Diluc soon registered the fact that there was another person—other than him—that could shake the cryo user.

This was getting more and more amusing, he thought.

“The fool might be dead in the upstairs balcony.”

The statement caught her attention. “Oh?” The pep in her voice was back. Whether it was from the alcohol or the excitement itself, it was clear that Lumine didn’t bother to hide her glee. She beamed as Diluc resumed his cleaning, ignoring her altogether as a sign that he wasn’t going to say any further.

That was enough for her. “Thank you, Diluc!” Smile as bright as the sun, she quickly made way to the balcony on the second floor.

As he watched her disappear into the crowd, a simple twitch of his lips curled upwards.

----------

Kaeya always loved watching the stars and moon.

It was peaceful. Breath-taking. Calming. He was able to register his thoughts and recollect his mind every time he was alone with the twinkling lights. The wineglass in his hand was brought up, swirled gently before he sipped the final contents of his drink.

Through the haze of his intoxication, his mind wandered to her.

“Heh…” Lips curled to a derisive smirk. How cruel, he thought, that she still invaded his mind after all these months. When Kaeya decided to come back to Mondstadt due to knightly matters, he assumed that maybe, just maybe, a few more months of avoiding her would be the key to finally take all of this as some harmless crush.

Alas, as the months rolled by without him being able to see her, it turns out it wasn’t harmless nor a crush.

His arms leaned heavily against the rails of the balcony. And now that she came back to celebrate Jean’s achievements—and to thank her for all she had done—Kaeya finally had a chance to talk to Lumine. He finally had the chance to see her. He finally had the opportunity to catch up with her without the noisy company of others.

He honestly didn’t mind Paimon. He did however mind a lot about her choice of human companions.

He should treat her to lunch and catch up. But no. Instead, he made her do a taxing errand of preparing the feast for the party, while he had other separate matters to attend to.

At times like these, he truly felt like a fool.

The party had started an hour ago, and he did compliment her for being the mastermind of the surprise party. While in truth, it was his idea, Kaeya felt it more appropriate for the Honorary Knight to take in all the glory while he basked in the shadows.

Heh. How fitting it seemed that he never changed.

“Kaeya?”

Not realizing that he had his eye closed all this time, Kaeya snapped it open before turning around. “Lumine!” Shock was present on his face, but the cryo user quickly mellowed it with a perfectly curled smile. “Now, what do I have the pleasure to see Honorary Knight out here tonight?” His back leaned against the rail, wineglass already placed on the small table next to him.

Her response wasn’t immediate. Nor was it verbal. Instead, she gave a smile, one so sincere and endearing, he almost gripped the rail tightly.

“I was looking for you.”

Her simple answer shook him once again. Azure eye widened in shock. Lips firmly pressed to hide the emotion that fizzled within him. “Oh ho?” he chimed, the corner of his lips curled slightly. “I didn’t know I was missed.”

“You are.”

Her blunt answers were getting better and better. And this truly did not fare well on his end.

Finally, he was out of words for a short while. And it was that short while that Lumine decided to move forward and stand next to him. Pride itched at her brain to know that she was able to make the cavalry knight speechless. It seems there were many benefits to having countless banters with Paimon and Childe.

“I mean…” However, embarrassment followed suit at the realization of her words. “I didn’t see you much at the party so…” While common sense still held her by the reins, Lumine wondered if the fast beat of her heart right now was the cause of the man next to him.

In truth, a huge part of her hoped so.

“I asked Diluc and he said that you might be passed out in the cold here.”

A single chuckle burst past his lips. “How sweet that he cares.” He looked to his side, memorizing every shape of her presence. “How sweeter that you care, my dear.”

A single eyeroll was given. “I do care, though.” Her reply once again stunned him; she was getting better at reading his emotions too. “I…I know you’ve been through a lot, especially with Diluc so…”

“Ah…” He cut her off, partly in realization and the other part to silently signal her to not continue it further. It seems that he had forgotten for a brief moment that he told her of his past. Months and months of travelling together seems to make a person’s lips looser. It was clear that he trusted her, as much as his heart could dangerously handle. And in turn, Kaeya gave her the reason to trust him.

Which was also a much worse issue, considering that his role and lies still hang heavily around his neck.

The smile on his face mellowed. Slowly he turned around, head cocked upwards to gaze at the night sky. “Pretty night, isn’t it?”

She turned around too, though head tilted in his direction. A frown graced her face. Heat kissed her cheeks despite the cold breeze that caressed her body. “Kaeya—”

“Where are you going next?”

Roles were now in reverse as the question caught him off guard. “Sorry?”

“Your next destination, Lumine.” Their eyes met. “Surely, you’re not going to make me hope that you might stick around longer?” The question laced with sweet toxicity, Kaeya let out another chuckle. “As happy as I am to see you back here, I know you’re on a mission to reunite with your brother.”

His voice was soft, gentle. His expression bared a smile that strained his face.

It hurt to watch.

“Soon…” The reply was meek. Hands held the wooden rail. Amber eyes gazed downwards the people below. “I’ll go to Inazuma in the next 3 days.” Fingers slowly fiddled with one another. “The ship will depart on that day. So…I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit Mondstadt again…”

Crack.

Azure eye dulled as he ignored the pain in his chest.

“I see.” was his only response. Slowly he nodded, mouth thinning to hold back the smile that was faltering. “Well,” One hand moved to her, wavered, hesitant, before he patted her shoulder. “I wish you all the best, Lumine.”

Crack.

A deep breath was taken to gulp back the cracks left in her chest.

Hands slowly cupped together. Tightly. “Actually, I was wondering…” There was a reason she came looking for him. There was a reason she came back to Mondstadt before her next journey. One breath. Two. She closed her eyes before recollecting her thoughts that would soon slur into verbal words.

She felt his hand pull away. She hated that.

“I want—” With a heart that wanted to burst out of her ribcage, Lumine took the hand that was pulled away. “—you to join me!”

Shock was the star of the show in the brilliant evening. One gawked at her as if she grew a second head. The other gasped in silence as if what she had just said was near to impossible.

When she thought about, considering his role in Mondstadt, it might as well be.

The grip on his left hand tightened.

“I…” It was now or never. “I had so much fun travelling with you. It was never a dull moment.” Her head was down. “When we did all those commissions and strange requests, you always had a plan ready. When we were battling the powerful enemies, you always had my back. When I felt down and out of it, you were always there to cheer me up!” Her hands shook. “I—when we went to Dragonspine, you tried your best to find warm shelter to keep everyone warm even though fire isn’t actually your forte.” Archons, she would never forget how grateful she was to have him endure the frigid cold of such an unforgivable place.

His hand felt warm.

“We fought side by side all these months and I—” Couldn’t forget it. Couldn’t forget him. “I…” Anxiety kicked in the more she stuttered. Forcing another gulp, Lumine let out a sharp sigh. “Having you so close to me made me realize how much I need you.”

Blue bangs shielded his eye.

“Waking up and seeing you bond with Paimon and Razor and everyone else first thing in the morning made me realize how much I miss those moments.”

Lips were slightly parted.

“And…” She could do this. “The night that we opened up about our brothers—” She heard a sharp breath. “—that was…truly a night that I felt closest to you.” She felt her hands shake. “I like that. I love that.” There was a reason why she chose to drink more than she could handle tonight—

“I love—”

“Lumine.”

Her shoulders flinched. At the same time his voice startled her, she gaped as she watched his hands slip away from her grasp. She froze as she felt those same hands cup her cheeks.

“Lumine…”

His voice was silky smooth, caressing her very skin that sent prickles up to the back of her neck. She blinked once. Twice. Lumine then moved her head upwards by the gentle gesture of his hands—

Chup…

Amber eyes were as wide as they could be.

His lips were soft, sweet, slightly sour with a taste of tangy citrus. While bafflement had her vision open and clear, his eye was closed.

One heartbeat. Two.

Realization knocked him hard at the back of his head.

Quickly his eye snapped open. Immediately he pulled back. “I—!” Hands moved from cheeks to shoulders. It seems that the wine he drank had finally took control of his body. When he listened to her request, Kaeya could only feel his body float like a cloud. When he heard her explanation, he could only feel his heart clawing right out of his throat.

Love. When he heard that word, that one word, he couldn’t help but to succumb to the feelings he had long tried to destroy.

He gaped at her. She gawked at him. “Ahaa…” Defeat and shame poured down on him. “Sorry, Lumine.” Now he had done it. “I had uh…too much to drink tonight.” Now he had perfectly fucked this up.

He should leave. He should walk away. Being here with her was a mistake. Holding her by the shoulders was a mistake. Feeling her warmth, remembering the luscious shape of her lips was definitely, definitely, a mistake—

“Gaack—!”

Chuu!

Words, panics, and fears dissipated like hot steam once he felt the front of his shirt being tugged, once he felt those lips he so dearly missed pressed hard against his.

This time, her eyes were closed shut. This time his eye was wide as saucers.

However, bafflement didn’t linger too long, as Kaeya fully registered the moment with an open heart and an open mouth.

Quickly his eye closed. Hands now moved around her waist, tickling her in the process that Lumine actually wiggled in his embrace. Cute. The word beaming like a beacon, he pulled her flushed against his chest. Cute! Cute! His tongue found and caressed her own, tangling together until breaths became heavy in their lungs. Cute, cute, cute! With ease, Kaeya moved his hands downwards and lifted her up. It seems that the alcohol took hold of her mind too, as Lumine happily wrapped her legs around his waist as she pressed closer.

Chu! Chuu…chup! Apart they broke for a mere second. Chuuu! Together they kissed again before either could regain proper vision. Her hands tugged and brushed through long, silky blue hair. His hands squeezed and gripped her soft, scarred thighs.

Pop!

If it weren’t for the fact that they needed air, they knew there would be no end to this.

Pants, heavy and warm, stroked each other’s faces. A gaze of pure stupor was given to a face of sheer shock. Red kissed their cheeks as if the sun had grazed them. Heartbeats pumped hard and fast against flushed chests.

One heartbeat. Two heartbeats.

After the third beat, realization dawned on them like cold water.

“Ah—” Both stumbled. Quickly Lumine released her grip and stood in a shaky stance. She kept hold on his shoulders, fearing that the intense moment would make her lose her posture. His hands slid upwards to her waist, his grip not longer rough yet palms pressed firmly on her body.

They didn’t show any signs of letting each other go.

Her head dropped. Should she apologize? Should she forgive? Should she say something to dispel this awkward situation that bloomed between them?

But he did kiss her, though. And while Kaeya had been on her mind all these months since their journey together, never had she thought that her feelings would be requited. She felt giddy. Anxious. A whirlwind of emotions swirled inside her to know, to see, to feel, that the dashing cavalry knight would harbour such feelings for—

“Lumine…”

A single gulp slid down a dry throat.

She cast a peek. Heat burned to the tips of her ears, Lumine found it wise to not say anything yet.

She was too cute, he gushed.

“Pushing aside our little…session, which I find absolutely amazing, by the way.” He gently pulled her closer. “I want to answer your request.”

Her finger unintentionally squeezed his shoulders.

“Lumine…” His voice lowered to a husky whisper, so loving, so sweet. “I would love to join you to Inazuma.” To join you anywhere.

His answer lit up a spark of joy on her face. Quickly, finally, she brought her head upwards. “Really—?”

Chu.

Glee burst to shock at the feel of his lips.

“Kaeya!” Instinctively she pulled back, pupils blown in pure embarrassment over his tease.

Laughter echoed the bright night. While Kaeya was infamous for masking his emotions, the laugh he burst out was both genuine and filled with absolute glee.

How mesmerized she felt to witness such beauty.

“Geez…” Quivered lips pressed a shaky smile. Playfully jabbing his chest once, Lumine then wrapped her arms around his chest. “I have to get used to this, huh?” A sheepish mumble left her lips. Her left cheek nuzzled against his warm chest.

A peaceful sigh left her to feel fingers tickling her back.

“Pretty much.” Happy. “You wanted me to tag along. You pay the price, my dear.” It felt so sinful to be this happy. He nuzzled the top of her head, inhaling the sweet scent of windwheel aster and vanilla that he so dearly loved.

It seems his silly jealousy was—after all—silly.

Finally, her laughter joined his. The two relished in their embrace, making the stars and the moon their witness of the very start of their ever after.

END

#Kaelumi #Kaeya #Lumine #Childe #Genshin Impact #Diluc #Venti #Razor #Zhongli #i forgot to post this here lmaooo #my longest kaelumi yet #Xiao #i forgot xiao kjfbsdkjfbkdsjf #fafar writes

146 notes · View notes