#thank you i owe u my life public library

[godbirdart]

my library book automatically renewed which means i don't have to do the errand of returning it today

[stxrvel]

bittersweet feelings (1)

summary: you have to deal with the harsh truth after Bucky arrives from one of his missions.

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

warnings: nothing i think, just you know English is not my native language so sorry for any mistakes!

words: +2.5k

note: hi! I've been feeling physically unwell since I last posted and have been in bed, but today I was finally able to get a moment of calm and lucidity, so, enjoy and hope you like it!

also, i've been working on a series that I want to publish soon, but I don't know why I always find it difficult to do all that planning. anyway, I really hope I can bring it to you soon! thank u for all the support!

part 2

part 3

Admiring Bucky Barnes from afar has become too much of a challenge in recent days. Before, you were wrapped up in papers, essays, final exams and projects due, locking yourself in your room at a time or living in your university library, simply too busy to wander your eyes over the sprawling figure of Bucky strolling around the Complex. Ironically, he always spent more time there when you weren't there.

But now, completely free of academic responsibilities and banned from going on missions at Fury's whim, you had a lot more time to wander the halls of the Complex, especially in the gym where the man with the metal arm used to spend most of his time. Many times (if not all the time) you felt like a lousy attempt of a stalker, and you was almost 100% sure that he realised what you were doing but preferred not to say anything so as not to embarrass you. And that was much more embarrassing.

But did that stop you? Absolutely not.

He'd cut his hair a few days ago, and although you loved the way his hair looked on his shoulders and the way it blew in the wind every time he walked, as if he were a model on a bloody photo shoot, you shamelessly admitted that you had quickly grown to love his new style. Because, honestly, did something look bad on Bucky?

Your hands moved indiscreetly across the table, crumpling the paper between your fingers that you had previously been reading, as you watched the aforementioned man's shoulders shake after hearing Sam Wilson say something about Scott's card game. You moved your eyes scanning his entire face, trying to memorise the expression on his face as he smiled so openly, as he almost never did in public.

“Am I interrupting your crazy stalker moment?”

Tony's voice startled you, and you turned your head so sharply to look at something other than Bucky that a slight twinge of pain made its way from the back of your neck to your right shoulder. You grimaced and watched the millionaire sit down next to you on one of the black chairs that were spread out in the first floor cafeteria. Ahead of you, a large glass door separated you from one of the side exits of the Complex, where Bucky and Sam had stopped to talk and, surely at first, discuss the mission Bucky had just returned from.

“I'm not a crazy stalker,” you told him dismissively, but your nerves were eating you up inside. Even though you knew you weren't entirely discreet, you still weren't ready for someone to tell you that you were too obvious for him not to know anymore.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say,” Tony commented sarcastically and you felt a quick pang of fear inside your chest, “I was just coming to tell you that Fury made the decision to send you to Milan with Steve the other week.”

Your gaze finally shifted away from Bucky's figure, closer and closer to where you stood, to Tony and you frowned at him in extreme confusion.

“What? So soon?”

“Isn't that what you wanted? To go back to the camp?”

“Well, yes, but I thought his tantrum was going to last much longer.”

Tony let out a laugh and proceeded to open the packet of peanuts in his pocket, “If he hears you say that, consider yourself fired, kiddo.”

“Then it's a relief that no one heard me say it,” you smiled innocently at Tony, who only gave you a tight-mouthed smile in return.

“It's just a recon mission. Steve thinks there's an empty HYDRA base you can investigate, and you're pretty nimble with that non-digitized document review stuff.”

“You mean I'm good at reading physical documents?”

“You know what I mean, eagle eyes. There's nothing you're missing.”

“Ow,” you croon with a smile, “Thanks for the compliment, Stark.”

“You're welcome. Now, don't go freaking out. Barnes is walking this way.”

He then stood up and planted himself in front of you, as your heart did a wild flip and you felt him pause for a second, before resuming his march at an unnatural pace. You didn't even know if it was possible for a heart to beat that fast. You felt sweat beading on your hands and started to breathe through your mouth as you felt the nervousness take over your whole body.

“What?” you exclaimed, staring at him, sitting uncomfortably in the chair across the table they had shared.

“I told you not to freak out, you're only going to make it worse.”

You narrowed your eyes at him with a frown. Next, you took about three deep breaths to try and calm your frantic heartbeat, before Sam's figure - and consequently Bucky's - appeared in your field of view to the side of Stark's body. The man gave you a look with an arched eyebrow, as if to ask you to behave yourself, which was an exaggeration.

That was an exaggeration. You spent a lot of time with Bucky! Even when you two were alone you didn't feel as nervous as you did at moments like this.

When your gazes met, you could barely return the smile he gave you before you turned your eyes to Sam, who had just spoken but you hadn't gotten to hear everything he'd said because your head was in the clouds.

“...and that you're going back to the camp with Steve. How long since you've been out? Almost four months? You must be anxious.”

You just nodded, looking at him through tight lips.

Tony rubbed his eyes in an exasperated gesture.

“I could ask Fury to let me tag along,” Bucky's voice reached your ears like a forbidden delicacy. It had been several days since you'd last heard it and it was like a gift from the gods, “Lest he bore you with his awkward silences.”

“We don't have awkward silences,” you grumbled quickly, not knowing exactly why you were getting defensive. Tony raised his eyebrows at you and you shrugged in place, “I mean, we talk about a lot of things.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky's jocular tone didn't do much for your nerves and sanity, “Name a topic you've been talking about for more than three minutes.”

You pursed your lips and stared at his perfect face, uninjured by the mission, as you conjured up memories of your conversations with Steve. Your almost non-existent conversations.

Your cheeks flushed as you realised he was right, but you weren't going to let him win you over this time.

“One time, we talked all night about a movie.”

“If you're going to say you talked about Lord of the Rings, that doesn't count,” Sam spoke with a half smile on his face.

“Why not?” you grumbled quickly, watching the grimace in his face.

“He talks to everyone about those movies. It doesn't even feel like a conversation anymore, it's like a monologue.”

“Careful, Sam,” Tony spoke up after several seconds, “She likes those movies too.”

“Hey! They're good movies.”

“Good for a nap,” Sam let out a laugh.

You watched Bucky pursed his lips and looked down at the floor, holding back a chuckle.

“They're entertaining,” you muttered with a frown.

Sam pointed at you, his eyebrows arched and his corners raised in a playful grin.

“Well, that's it,” Bucky interrupted whatever Sam was going to say, “You know what they say, to each his own.”

“I'm with Barnes on this one,” Tony spoke up, resting one of his hands on Barnes' shoulder and giving it a little squeeze. Bucky watched his hand and then the millionaire's face with an arched eyebrow, but Tony quickly turned his attention away from Bucky to Sam, “Speaking of Steve, he asked me to tell you to look for him in the main room. He said something about a pending conversation.”

Tony put his arm around Sam's shoulders, leaning part of his body to lead him to walk with him out of the cafeteria. They promptly struck up a conversation on their way out of the cafeteria, and you felt your hands shake once you realized you were alone with Bucky after a couple of weeks of not being able to talk properly with him.

You turned your head away from where the two people who had accompanied you a few seconds before were leaving, hearing the creak of a chair being dragged in front of you. You watched Bucky move his body into a sitting position, settling his forearms on the table and his eyes fixed on yours. Settling into the chair, you gave him a tight-lipped, tense smile. Act normal.

“So the boss finally gave in,” the black-haired man said, his lips curling as he interlocked his hands.

You nodded your head slightly, “It was quicker than I thought. I thought he'd never let me back in the field.”

“And can you blame him? You sure scared the soul out of his body,” Bucky arched his eyebrows, and the mere memory of what happened gave you a feeling of irritability.

You grimaced, “Oh, it wasn't a big deal.”

“It wasn't a big deal? Honey, you threw yourself at those people all by yourself.”

You stared at him for a few seconds, like you did every time he called you names when you were alone. He never did it in public, and it was something you didn't try to think about very often.

“So what? This was all unnecessarily dramatic,” you tried to say in the most neutral tone of voice possible as you crossed your legs under the table.

“There were twenty men,” he said, as if that explained everything.

“Do you think me incapable, Barnes?” you arched an eyebrow, speaking with courage.

“No, of course not,” he quickly replied, his gaze softening, “But you disobeyed a direct order from Natasha and put your life at risk. You know how Fury is with you, he cares too much about you.”

You rolled your eyes, letting your back fall against the back of the chair, “But I'm not made of porcelain. I'm as good as Nat, she trained me herself!”

“But Fury didn't see her grow up.”

Well, he had a point and rightly so. You had grown up with the boss, who had practically adopted you, which was one of the reasons he used to be overprotective or refuse you to do some things because he thought it was for the best. And that fact had also helped you form fraternal bonds with all the Avengers until you were old enough and capable enough to be a part of them.

Well, you saw everyone as a nice family except Bucky. And that was a big problem.

You watched him through your eyelashes with an almost imperceptible pout.

Bucky gave you a beautiful smile, the kind that could light up an entire city, “Honey, I understand that it bothers you, but the position you put Fury in at the time, or everyone for that matter, made it hard for him not to make the decision he did. Maybe he overstepped, I'm not denying that, but he was scared.”

“There were other ways...” you started to renege again.

“And would you really have listened to him?” he inquired without wiping away his smile. It amazed you how lenient he could be with you, when with the rest of the world he was a hermit and sulky most of the time.

You sighed. Yep, you could be pretty stubborn when you put your mind to it.

“Well, the important thing is that he finally realised his mistake,” you blurted out with an amused grin. Bucky frowned and pointed the index finger of his metal arm at you.

“I think you missed the point of our little debate.”

“No, no... I understand, Bucky, I do. But Fury have to trust my skills a little more. I could against all of them! It was a spectacle.”

“But you're not always going to come out on top, sweetheart. At some point someone can catch you off guard, and that's what Fury's afraid of.”

“Well, it'll have to happen at some point. Unfortunately, I'm not invincible,” you agreed and admitted what he had said, because he was certainly right, with a tight-lipped smile.

You thought Bucky would be amused, or at least agree with you, but he merely bowed his head, frowned and tensed noticeably. You noticed that his expression suddenly hardened, and it frightened you that you had said something that would have angered him.

“What?” you asked fearfully.

He looked up from the table to look at you again, waking up. He gave you a smile, but a stiffer, harder and committed one. Your chest tightened, “It's not.... It's nothing. Just try to be careful next time, more cautious if necessary. You know, strategist.”

“Yeah, I know, I don't risk it if I don't think it's necessary.”

“That's my girl.”

You froze for a few seconds, just watching him, before your face heated up into an all too violent blush. He'd never said anything like that to you before... but you certainly didn't balk at the possibility that he might again.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you smiled shyly at him.

The sound of the cafeteria doors swinging open distracted the man in front of you, but you kept staring at his profile, gawking and surely with heart-shaped eyes. How was it possible that you liked him so much? Even though it had been a while since you last spoke, it seemed that your feelings for him had only grown three times his size.

Then, you heard it:

“Bucky!”

A woman's voice in the distance.

Confused, you turned your gaze in the direction of the voice, which came from the same place Bucky had been watching for several seconds. She was the one who had opened the doors so frantically, then. You frowned at her from a distance, unable to recognise her figure or features; it wasn't usually easy for you to forget the faces of people you knew, and you certainly didn't know this woman.

However, when you turned to ask Bucky, the half-smile on his face gave you the answer without words. Your chest tightened and you clenched your hands so as not to show the abrupt change of mood you had just gone through when he turned his face and fixed his eyes on yours. All without erasing that smile.

That smile he had on his face for her.

“I guess you'll have to go with Steve to schedule everything about the mission.”

You nodded, uncomfortably, not looking away.

“Fine. In the meantime, I'll go on my date,” he crooned, and the burning you felt intensified so much that it felt like you couldn't pass saliva without straining. But you smiled at him, your lips curving awkwardly and your face reluctant to show a feeling you didn't experience.

“Wow, I thought I'd never hear you say something like that.”

“Life is full of surprises, honey,” he said smiling as he stood up, “Do you want me to walk you to the living room?”

“No, don't worry. I'll be there in a minute,” you replied quickly. It was the first time since you had met him that you wanted him to leave you alone for once.

“All right. Good luck with the old man.”

“Thanks. Good luck with your- your- your date.”

You hated the way your voice betrayed you, but Bucky didn't seem to pay too much attention to it as he waved goodbye to you and started walking in the direction of the woman waiting for him outside the cafeteria doors. You felt your chest tighten as you sighed deeply and a couple of tears welled up in your eyes.

Damn it, at what point had all that happened?

[lavendertwilight89]

Call you Mine

I told myself I’d do a chapter of Shelter and DDW this weekend... to be fair they each have like 12 pages but... I blame @hnnwnchstr​ and @superpixie42​ for prompting and inspiring a fake dating fic and distracting me. Maybe I’ll make those chapters longer as compensation??

But I also needed to give @willowandfog​ a birthday gift anyway!

Don’t worry I still have a full running tab of every I owe bday gifts for

**cough** @keichanz​ @mamabearcat​ @thunderpot​ @smmahamazing​

Thanks @sapphirestarxx​ for proofing as usual

Here it is posted to AO3

Allllllllsoooooooooo... SMUT

Tag Wall:

@dangerouspompadour @lemonlushff @willowandfog @cstormsinukagblog @littlestuffstohide @clearwillow @ruddcatha​ @hnnwnchstr​ @smmahamazing​ @wolverine1092​ @inuyashaloverforever​ @xfangheartx​ @umacaking​ @bluejay785​  @murdergiraffe​ @superpixie42​ @shnuggletea​ @sistasecbhere​ @nopenname22​ @mcornilliac​ @sapphirestarxx​ @fawn-eyed-girl​ @liz8080 @shinidamachu​

He wasn't really sure what came over him. Typically he was a 'mind your business' kind of guy, let other people resolve their issues on their own.

But he honestly lost his shit when this fucking flea bag wouldn't take no for an answer. She said no thank you, that she was sorry she didn't feel that way, and even lied (which unfortunately if he smelt the lie, so did the wolf) about seeing someone else. To be fair, she tried to justify it was new and they had just met and she was uncomfortable by it all. She was smart. Crafty. And fuck, taking just a look at her face she was pretty fucking cute.

Kikyo had 'bumped' into him in line at the coffee shop and maybe he could blame that. They had just broke up; after dating all through high school and some of college, she was 'bored and wanted to explore other things.’ What she meant was, she wanted to explore other dicks. After their breakup, he saw her on accident in the library and he almost lost his shit. She had made them wait until they were in college because it was such a huge step in their relationship and then after three days of being single probably fucked the whole football team?!?

Ok, he was still angry about it.  Probably wasn't a whole team, but he was still hurt.

Having her chattering his fucking ear off wasn't helping his mood either so he tuned it out only to hear the girl sitting at a two seater booth trying to keep their argument between them.  She wasn't taking it lying down but she was growing anxious. If the wolf could smell it, he clearly didn't care.

"Inuyasha are you listening to me? What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, Inuyasha! Hehehe, you're so silly; I was saying we should get back together! I mean, as long as you're not seeing anyone, right? I mean, of course you're not! We love each other-- and it was a huge mistake for us to break up!"

Inuyasha did the only thing he could do; well that was a lie, he did something he had never chosen to do before. Honestly,  he'd never really been in this situation before. Kikyo was his first real girlfriend. First love. First… everything. He thought that was it. Then reality struck like the cruel bitch she was and it fell apart. But he got over it. Kinda. He had a soft spot for Kikyo because she was his first everything. She hadn't been looking for love but found it. Then regretted it thinking she missed out on life. Or whatever.

But right there, in that moment he just couldn't roll over. Not without being cursed or something and thank God they were in public because otherwise she just might with what he had decided he was going to do.

He stepped up to the counter and ordered not one but two of his peppermint coffees and paid. He heard Kikyo’s excitement from behind him and almost laughed.

Almost.

Because shit was seriously about to hit the fan.

He grabbed his cups and Kikyo followed, still yammering on and on until he reached the table with the young woman who looked like she was about to start crying she was so pissed.

"Here you go, babe," Inuyasha said as charmingly as he could.

The girl jumped at his presence. Her big brown doe eyes locked with his and for the briefest moment there was confusion. Then understanding. Then a glint of mischief. Oh fuck. He already liked her.

"Thanks honey! You ready to go?" She asked leadingly.

"Yea," he said ignoring the gaping womon behind him to pick up the other woman's coat from her chair and help her put it on.

"Wa-wait! What the fuck?? You were just with her!" The wolf cried angrily.

"If you were paying attention to our conversation then you would know I never answered her.  I was too busy noticing you were trying to pounce on my girl," Inuyasha growled possessively as he wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulder. Fuck. This totally wasn't him.  What was wrong with him? Ugh fuck, she was probably thinking she just traded one asshole for another. Smooth. Wait-- not smooth, this wasn't a real date or anything.  

When she curled herself into his side he was shocked. If he was human,  he'd probably have a heart attack. Fuck, she smelled good. Like amazing. Shit, nope, he needed to focus! This was about getting her away from the wolf and steering off Kikyo’s advances.

"And he is seeing someone," the girl in his embrace directed her answer to Kikyo. "Me. You clearly didn't appreciate what you had and he moved on."

"Uh! Inuyasha!" Kikyo quivered in distress. "Can't we-- talk about this?? Alone?"

"Sorry Kikyo. I have a date."

"This is such a fucking farce! Who even the fuck are you?! You don't smell like her! She didn't even--"

"Firstly, the name is Inuyasha. Secondly, of course I don't. I respect her. She's young and I wouldn't try anything without her permission," he glowered leering at the wolf for even implying he'd fuck this beautiful creature in his arms without courting her properly first. Shit. No. This was a ruse. Fake.

"Koga, I told you I was seeing someone. It's new, and I'm sorry.  I really am; I just--"

"Kagome you said you weren't looking for anything right now! Why him?? He's a fucking mutt!"

Ahhhhhhhh. How he was going to love kicking this guy’s ass.

"Shut up, Koga! Inuyasha has shown me way more respect and kindness within the first five minutes of knowing me rather than the month you have!"

That was a lie. They were likely going on minute six.

"Inuyasha! You can't be serious! She's inexperienced and with the wolf demon! Come on, all we needed was a break! I know you hate waiting for anything, baby," she said leadingly.

Honestly, he wasn't aroused by her insinuations in the slightest. He wasn't a teenager anymore.  Also while Kikyo had been his first and only, the fact she dumped him to go hoe herself out only to crawl back to him was disgusting.

He understood it was likely 'just sex' and just exploration but while Inuyasha was no prize himself due to his demon heritage...still, he had some pride. Also his dog demon nature felt betrayed. Maybe if she caught him on the night of the new moon he would've taken her back. Fuck, maybe if this was done in private, but not when they were in a coffee shop with a beautiful girl being bullied into dating a mangy wolf.

"Actually, I don't mind waiting for her at all. She's rather… special," he said. And he meant it. What the fuck was wrong with his brain?

Either way, the girl called Kagome didn't flinch or change her position. If anything, and it could have just been his imagination, she sank further into his body. It took everything he had not to rumble. His inner demon wanted to fucking purr now?? He needed to talk to Miroku after this. Maybe even his asshat brother. Because maybe they knew what was wrong with him, and just maybe he wouldn’t need to check himself into an inpatient stay until he cleared his head.

“Mutt, get your hands off my woman!”

“He’s not a mutt! His name is Inuyasha!! Say it with me Koga! In-U-Ya-Sha!” She yelled, slightly stepping away from his body to glower at the wolf demon in front him. Fuck. He was officially in love. And he needed to hear her say that  in a slightly more moaning pleading voice. What?? Yea--he needed to check himself into a psych hospital after this.

“He’s a half-breed Kagome. You can do so much better than scraps--” He was cut off by the loud cracking slap across his cheek. Kagome was not standing directly in front of Koga. Totally out of Inuyasha hold. The distance didn’t help his control. Or his head.

All he could think of was pulling her back to him and ravishing her. Shit. He was screwed. He didn’t want to be in another relationship--or at least he didn’t think he did. This was simply to help the girl and to get Kikyo away from him.

Speaking of the other woman, Kikyo was deadly silent. It made him kind of nervous. What was she plotting? She could be a vengeful person  when pissed off. He slowly turned to face her and was met with her glaring at the girl who was currently putting a wolf demon in his place.

“Kikyo?” He asked worriedly.

“You really want to give up everything we have for this child?”

“Don’t be like that Kikyo--we aren’t together.”

“But Inuyasha, I told you; I made a mistake. Please, let’s just go and figure this whole thing out together.”

The two squabbling finally quieted down behind him and he felt a trembling hand on his chest. He looked back and saw Kagome--almost hurt. But why would she be hurt? Maybe she was just a good actress in this situation. Or maybe she was feeling what he was?

No wait, back track, he wasn’t feeling anything for her. He was just crazy. They just met and learned each other’s names from the other people who were fighting for their attention.

“If you want to go back to Kikyo I won’t be upset… We just met and this is all so new. I won’t make you choose if you aren’t ready--”

“You’re gonna let this animal two-time you Kagome?!”

“Koga will you just shut up!” Kagome yelled. “I’m just saying we are just seeing each other and if he wasn’t set on anything then--”

“Nah, I’m set babe. Let’s get outta here,” he smiled cockily and placed his arm back around her shoulder and led her to the door.

They exited unfollowed but he didn’t drop his arm. When they crossed the street back to campus, he then did drop his arm and walk beside her. Fuck. The silence was killing him. Shit. What does someone say in a situation like that?

“Uhm, thank you, Inuyasha. I appreciate what you did. I hope I didn’t ruin anything with your ex.”

“It’s not a problem. I wasn’t about to let the bastard keep harassing you.”

“I can handle myself, thank you.”

“Yea, looked like it,” he smirked.

She looked up at him and giggled. “So, uhm, my name is Kagome.”

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you but--” he paused. Did that shit head actually follow them?? Was he a fucking stalker?

As subtly as he could he stopped and turned her to face him. She blushed madly as he leaned down to press his forehead to hers as he whispered, “This fuckface is pretty set on you for some reason. He’s just a block behind us.”

She swallowed and exhaled slowly. Shit. His dick was twitching. He had problems. He obviously needed to get laid. How could her peppermint coffee breath smell that wonderful and magic to literally send those kind of signals to his cock?

“How--uhm--how far are you willing to take this?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Kagome.”

“Do you mind walking me to my apartment?”

“Nah, that’s fine,” he said softly as the wolf was getting closer. Inuyasha raised his head and kissed the crown of her head. Oh God. He was screwed. Would it be wrong to actually ask out this girl? She was obviously single.

No. No. No… He just got out of a relationship. It’d be dumb to jump right back in. Especially under the pretense this ‘arrangement’ started.

He did notice her sigh as she took his hand and led him towards her apartment. The sigh was… happy. Or at least that’s what he thought it was. But the area her apartment was in was oddly familiar. He’d been here before. Wait a second--

She got her keys out and opened the door then turned to say something when Miroku swung the door open fully.

“Inuyasha!!! What a lovely surprise!”

“Miroku?? You know Inuyasha?” Kagome asked curiously.

“Well of course! He’s my roommate!”

“Wait--you’re--”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Inuyasha groaned. This… this was not happening. This was the girl Miroku had been trying to set him up with. Son of a bitch. The irony of it pissed him off. Almost as much as that goddamn wolf who was still lurking about.

“Get inside,”he pushed Kagome forward past Miroku before shooting him a ‘shut-the-fuck-up’ look.

“What’s wrong??” she asked hurriedly as he closed the door.

“The fucking wolf is still--”

“Oh… he does live in the same complex as us.”

“Koga? He was still bothering you, Kagome?” Miroku's teasing face turned concerned quickly.

“Yes, I was going to get coffee and study when he just showed up at Starbucks again. He wanted to buy me coffee and I made up a lie I was meeting someone--”

“Hence the text Sango and I received, continue,” Miroku explained.

“But he wouldn’t leave well enough alone and then I saw…” she trailed off biting her lip. Oh shit. He needed to bite the lip. FUCK! NO! NO HE DIDN’T!

“A woman was behind Inuyasha--so I didn’t say anything to him at first. Just tried to explain I was busy when he surprised me and brought over a cup of coffee and helped me put my jacket on so we could leave together.” She was omitting the part where he claimed they were seeing each other. Was she embarrassed?? Did she not want to be seen by her friends with a half-demon?

“Oh shit--a woman?? Who?” Miroku smirked.

“Kikyo,” Inuyasha informed dryly.

“Oh reallllllly. And you just--blew her off?”

“I wasn’t about to let the flea bag exploit her.”

“Even if it did ruin your chances at getting back together with the woman you love?” Miroku smirked leadingly. He was going to fucking kill him if he ever returned home.

“Shut up, Miroku.”

“Miroku, I feel bad enough Inuyasha had embarrassed himself by saying he was with me--” Kagome started before Sango emerged from behind her and shoved her.

“What did we talk about Kagome?” Sango said sternly.

“I’m… pretty?”

“And?”

“Any guy would be lucky to have me…” She said it as though there was dirt in her mouth. What the fuck did he walk into?

“That’s right,” Sango nodded her approval. “Hey Yash. What’s up? What did I miss?”

Miroku filled Sango on what was going on as Kagome shrugged out of her coat and downed the rest of her coffee. Inuyasha was drawn to her. Did she put a spell on him? She did exude some reiki--not as much as Kikyo but maybe she had it under more control than his ex.

“That slimy, twisted, asshole--”

“However, it seems Inuyasha acted like they were dating,” he said as he raised his eyebrow. Oh that fucker was sooooooo dead.

“Oh!!! That's wonderful! So we will let you guys get on your date then,” she winked at Kagome who began to protest. Sango obviously didn’t care or wasn’t listening as she tugged Miroku who was smirking at him. Son of a bitch.

Once they were out the door, Kagome exhaled in defeat.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for them to put you in this situation,” she said quietly.

“You’re the one stuck with a half-breed,” he spat. She flinched. And then he felt like an asshole.

“What?? Don’t call yourself that! There’s nothing wrong with who you are,” she said as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Yea yea, tell that to the rest of the world.”

“The rest of the world doesn’t matter; it only matters what you think. You have friends who seem like they care about you, too. Does it really matter what everyone else thinks?” She asked as she grabbed two bottles of water and proceeded to stroll over to the couch and sit down.

He just realized he was still awkwardly standing in her entry way when she motioned for him to join her. Taking his coat off, he hung it next to hers and then slowly approached her couch. He sat on the other side to give her some space.

Her eyes looked disappointed as she handed him a water. Why? Or was he imagining it? Or did he wish to honestly see that? Son of a bitch.

“So… did you want to watch tv?” She asked awkwardly.

“That’s fine,” he agreed, trying to break the tension.

She handed him the remote which surprised him. It was her house and he was the one who was kind of imposing. Or at least that’s how he felt. He turned on a movie. Of course it was The Proposal. Of fucking course it was a fake engagement movie.

“So… uhm…” she stammered biting her lip. Damnit she needed to stop doing that before he lost control and tasted the fucking thing himself.

He also noted to himself that he was going to find a girl. That night. Because this intense desire and crazy amount of longing for intimacy was pushing him to the brink of insanity.

“What?” He bit out harshly. Much harsher than he intended but he was fucking frustrated at this point. Her scent was covering him. Her presence was domineering. He needed to take a minute. Swallow his pride. Call his goddamn brother.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk,” she mumbled. Andddddddd now she was crying. He was an asshole. Before he could stop himself, he reached over and grabbed her chin to make her look at him. And then he nuzzled her cheek.

What. Was. He. Doing?!?!? Why was his demon half so--so-- Yea he needed to call Sesshomaru.

“Inuyasha?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just-- do you mind if I make a call really quick? I need to check in with someone,” he said in anonymity. She didn’t need to know he was calling a jackass to ask why he was going crazy.

“Oh my gosh! Did you have to cancel plans because of me?! I’m so sorry! Please, feel free to use my bedroom, bathroom wherever!”

“Keh, no, no, it isn’t a big deal. I’ll just be a second. I’m going outside real quick. I was gonna test something with that wolf anyway,” he said, pulling his face back from her cheek which was now a dusty rose. He bet it would look even better with sweat dripping from it and her eyes half glazed over from lust---and for fuck’s sake!!!!

He leapt over the couch in an instant and opened and closed the door to the porch without further explanation. Grabbing his cellphone out of his pocket he quickly dialed Sesshomaru’s number and sat on the railing to the little deck they had outside of their apartment. He took in the scents and realized the wolf was likely inside still. He was waiting for his prey to exit the apartment. Or rather, for him to leave.

“Takahashi.”

“For fuck’s sake do you not look at the caller ID?”

“Greetings, little brother. What can I assist you with today?”

“You sound chipper.”

“It’s because you’re on speaker and he knows he needs to be nice in front of your nephew,” a feminie voice chimed in.

“Hey Rin,” Inuyasha smirked.

“Hello brother! We miss you! Don’t we, Sesshomaru?”

“What is it you need, little brother? We are a little busy.”

“With my new nephew? I’m sure the brat has you running all over the place.”

“Indeed; he is crawling and finding his way into everything in sight,” Sesshomaru admitted begrudgingly.

“Touga!!! No!!” He heard Rin yell before stammering steps along with a very mischievous giggle. Little monster was definitely giving them trouble. He reminded himself to buy him a very nice Christmas gift.

“Like that for instance…” Sesshomaru sighed.

“You obviously wanted this. You can smell when Rin is in heat,” Inuyasha added.

“Yes, yes, now again, what do you need, Inuyasha?”

“How… how did you know Rin was your mate?”

“The fact you ask that question tells me you met yours.”

“Or I’ve just gone crazy, you jackass.”

“I can assure you that is what it is like,” Sesshomaru said.

“Look, I’m not even sure how to approach this--”

“You dated that miserable woman for quite a few years and you are informing me you have no idea how to court a woman?”

“Shut up asshole. Not like that-- I mean-- We just met. She had a wolf demon trying to hit on her and I acted instinctively and pretended we were dating. And now I’m at her place.”

“Awwww, what a fun story,” Rin chimed in.

“Not really. How do you go from fake dating to actually dating?”

“Tell her she’s your--”

“Rin. I did not tell you that you were mine.”

“Well yea, but I knew. You hated everyone except me.” Inuyasha could literally hear the twinkle in her eyes. And he completely agreed. The asshole hated everyone and everything until she came along and softened up his heart. It was obvious.

“I advise you to get to know her--allow her to get to know you. Actually ask her out,” Sesshomaru replied evenly.

“That’s a good idea too,” Rin cheered.

“Sess… uhm… what about us--”

“TOUGA NO!!!!” Rin cried.

“You have a moment now brother for your sexual question.”

“You already know it, so spill. What the fuck do I do? I can’t stop thinking about her!”

“Practice your self control. Touching her will help alleviate some of your pull towards her. I advise you not to be around her during the full moon. Unless you’ve made progress in the next week that is.”

“I can literally hear your smirk,” Inuyasha groaned.

“Sesshomaru?? Are you teasing him??” Rin questioned returning to the phone.

“Yea, punish him,” Inuyasha grinned.

“Mmmmm, maybe I will,” Rin replied happily.

“Ew. Goodbye. Thanks asshat. Thank you Rin.”

“Take care Inu!” Rin responded before the phone hung up.

Inuyasha sighed. At least he got some answers. Some advice. He could use it. Now he needed to change the fake dating to… real dating. But was he really ready for that? He was doing some really weird, shit he had never done when he was with Kikyo.

He never let himself use his demonic instincts with her. It wasn't that she hadn’t realized he was a half demon like he could actually hide that tidbit. But he could tell she didn’t like his claws, she never touched his ears, and she did not like him biting her, let alone licking her. He originally thought maybe that was why she wanted to explore; the fact their sex was rather… vanilla. But he had thought that was what she wanted since she deterred anything else.

Now his instincts were all over the fucking place. One thing was clear though; he needed to be around this girl.

Returning inside he saw her biting the fucking lip again until she turned to meet him and smiled softly.

“Everything okay?”

“Yea, I was just talking to my brother, his wife, and their pup.”

“Oh that’s so nice. I’m sorry if I made you cancel those plans,” she apologized.

“Nah, they have their hands full. Pup’s learning to crawl. Amongst other things,” he smirked remembering the loud crash that played over the phone along with Sesshomaru’s exasperation.

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“So… tell me about yourself.” Smooth. Real smooth.

“Oh--uhm--... well this is my first year here. Dorms were full when I finally picked a school but luckily they were okay with me rooming with Sango in her apartment.”

“Couldn't’ decide where to go?”

“Honestly I was avoiding the guy I had been seeing in high school.”

“What’s with you and guys not taking no for an answer?”

“Hahaha, you got me,” she laughed nervously. “But he finally picked and so I picked here. Thankfully I really wanted to come here anyway since Sango was here.”

“What’s your major?”

“Education--I want to be a elementary school teacher. I love kids.”

His inner demon was probably going to explode. Swallowing he shifted on the couch so his leg lightly touched her own. That bastard was right; it did help a little bit.

“That’s uh--cool.”

“What about you?”

“Engineering. I like to use my hands and shit. Not so good with the words and stuff.”

“Hahaha, you seem to be doing okay to me,” she smiled brightly. Damn. She was fucking goregous.

“Yea, it’s not an all the time thing so don’t get used to it.”

“What?” Oh fuck. Yea, shouldn’t have said that. Point proven. Dumb dog not good with words.

“I meant if you, ya know, wanna keep this going so the wolf doesn’t keep trying shit on ya,” he explained blushing.

“O-oh, but… You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to put you out or anything. I know you just broke up with Kikyo. Miroku told me a little about everything… I’m sure you want to go sow some wild oats or whatever.” Nope just yours. Damnit.

“Nah; I’m not that type of guy. What about you? Would I be holding you back from anything?”

“Oh no. I uh--” her blush was so distracting. So beautiful. So hot. “I wasn’t sure I was ready for all that. I’ve only dated one guy and he was… uh-- gosh this sounds so mean but boring. He was so nice, and attentive and just a great guy but there was no--SPARK!”

“Huh. Sorry to hear that,” he mumbled as he actually wasn’t that sorry. It gave him the opportunity to woo her. Okay, he needed to not talk or hang out with Miroku anymore.

“Alright; sounds like we’re stuck with each other.”

“You don't need to say it like that. Honestly, I appreciate your help but--”

“Do you not want to be seen with me?”

“What?!? That’s not it at all! I figured after dating someone as gorgeous and beautiful as Kikyo you’d be bored with someone as blah as me! E-Even if we’re not actually dating. You know what I mean.”

“Trust me. You’re an upgrade. You have five times the personality as she does. Also, not to be crude, but ten times the body.”

He smirked at her hot and heavy flush and… oh fuck. The scent of her cinnamon spicy arousal was just almost too much for him to bear. He had to think. Quickly. He stretched his arm over the back of the couch and kissed her forehead.

“But this isn’t--” Fuck he couldn’t even say it wasn’t real because to him it was. “We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But we have plenty of excuses to see each other. Sorry I’ve made you the third wheel with horny and the princess.”

“It’s fine. I understand--Miroku said Kikyo was very important to you but you’d come around,” she said as she twirled her hair nervously.

"What else he tell ya?"

"Nothing." That was far too quick an answer.

"Try again; I smell lies just as well as the flea bag downstairs."

"Just that… Oh Gods you're going to kill him."

"Already on my to do list."

"Just you're a big puppy and he'd think we'd be good friends. We’d be good for each other, ya know? Both kinda fresh out of breakups and, yea..." Yep. He was dead. D.E.A.D.

"He's not wrong but neither are you.  He is dead. The moment he walks into our apartment again."

"So… we're gonna just uhh, keep fake dating?"

"Sure. Get to know each other.  Maybe even branch into actually being friends. Who knows, where it could lead." He hadn’t meant to say that.  Damnit.

"I uh, I'd like that," she admitted.

His heart stopped. She would like that? Really? This beautiful feisty little kitten would wanna go out with him? He looked down at her and she was smiling nervously with that damn bottom lip in-between her teeth. He bet his cock would look just as good as--

Nope. Not yet.

XxxxxxxxxxxxX

It'd been a good couple of weeks. The farce was well taken by everyone.  No one batted an eye. Well, no one but Kikyo and Koga.

Inuyasha had taken to walking Kagome to and from classes. They still stopped and got coffee, usually getting it to go since the wolf was present--waiting. They often ended up watching movies after their day was done at her place. Studied at the library together. They went out to dinner here and there but usually ate at home with their friends.

Even though it looked like to others it was going fast, it was oddly perfect to them. Even if it wasn't all true.

But in the weeks they had shared together, he learned almost everything he could about her. While she was content with companionable silence, she also was not one to hide anything. He learned about her family, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, history with men in general. He still hadn’t really figured out why she was so self-conscious but she stopped that around him.

He definitely classified them as friends at that point. He also honestly considered them dating. Even though maybe she didn’t. He was too afraid to ask. Especially when things were going so well.

She never seemed bothered by the intimacy--even behind closed doors. He always had his arm around her shoulders, their legs close and brushing against each other. He often kissed her lightly on the crown of her head, temple, sometimes even got ballsy enough to kiss her cheek. She has reciprocated a couple times out in public, but there was what was confusing. Why not when they were alone? Or at least correct him? But what was odd was the fact she sank into his chest as he held her shoulders, twirled his hair in her fingers, and when he did kiss her on the cheek, she’d smiled this beautiful nervous grin. Like he had told her he loved her.

Which he hadn’t. Not yet. But fuck, he did.

And it was crazy.

Another week passed, their routine remained the same. But he knew he was forgetting something…

They were out for a stroll after their dinner at a casual restaurant. She had decided on burgers and fries. Her go-to meal before a stressful exam or presentation. He already knew she’d regret it later and curl into his side moaning about how her stomach hurt. Yea, he didn’t like she put herself through that but fuck, if he didn’t love being the one to comfort her.

The sun was just setting when he felt it. He stopped mid stride by the fountain in the park. She glanced at him, still holding his hand and looked worried.

“Inuyasha?”

“Damnit, I completely forgot…”

“What’s wrong???”

“You’ll see in a second,” he grimaced. He felt his aura drain, his ears shift down, his claws and fangs shorten, even his hair tingled as it turned midnight black while the sun disappeared. He opened his now-violet eyes and saw Kagome gape at him fearfully.

She released his hand and went right for the ears--fuck they were just as sensitive in this form as his other. “Oh my Gods!! Are you alright?!? What happened??? Did I purify you??”

“Relax Kagome, this happens every new moon. I just forgot tonight was that time in the lunar cycle. You keep me so distracted.”

“Oh Gods… I’m so sorry,” she said, tearing up.

“What?? What's wrong??”

“I-I-I messed up your schedule.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he said brushing his hands against her eyes, catching her tears. “I love spending time with you.” Oh fuck. He forgot his mouth ran away with him while he was human. Stupid human emotions.

“Y-You do?”

“Of course, you idiot. Why on earth would I be with you night and day if I didn’t?”

“I-I mean--” she looked nervous.

“Yea?” He pressed.

“O-Our arrangement.”

“You really think--”

“I knew you were faking everything,” a voice came from behind them. Inuyasha turned and pushed Kagome behind him.

“Kikyo, what are you doing here?” He asked, less than pleased by her appearance. Not that she really altered his feelings about Kagome. No, if anything it oddly made them so much clearer. He had originally thought if he was human it would have jumbled things up, but it only made his feelings for Kagome clearer.

“I wanted to see if I could talk to you after you dropped her off this evening.”

“Have you been following us?” Kagome asked, slightly horrified.

“Of course I have you stupid girl. He’s my boyfriend. I needed to make sure he didn’t cheat on me.”

Kagome tried to distance herself from him but he wouldn’t let her. He gripped tightly onto her hip and growled slightly.

“Inuyasha,” Kikyo said warningly.

“No Kikyo. We broke up. Correction: you broke up with me. I moved on. I’m sorry you think we are still together for some odd delusional reason but even though I’m human tonight that doesn’t mean that you’ll persuade me into getting back together with you. I’m with Kagome. End of story.”

“I overheard your conversation, Inuyasha. You have an ‘arrangement’.”

“One of which we are dating. So mind your own business,” he glowered.

“Inuyasha--” Kagome started before Inuyasha turned to face her.

“Let’s go,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Inuyasha! Another step and we are completely through! I will forgive this act but if you leave--”

“Don’t forgive me then. Kagome’s friendship is more important than a fake relationship with you.”

They walked in silence back to Kagome’s place until they got to her door. She dug in her bag for her keys and she was trembling. What could she be upset about?

“What’s wrong Kagome?” He asked, stilling her shaking hands with his own.

“I--I never wanted you to have to choose.”

“Yea well, she did. Even then though, it was you. Your friendship has meant more to me than our relationship ever has…”

“You’re being… really honest. Open. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yea, just human,” he snorted.

“What does that mean?” She asked as she finally unlocked the door leading the way into her apartment.

“It means my emotions are freer now. That I say more shit without thinking-- actually that part is no different. It just means shit I usually hide or am reluctant to share often comes up like word vomit now.”

“Oh,” she pondered. “Would it be mean if we played twenty questions then?”

That beautiful smirk she gave lit up his heart. And cock. Wait--he was human. He could control this better now. Sort of. Maybe. Damnit. Humans were hornier than demons. But he wasn’t compelled… Damnit would he ever not be screwed?

“It would but I won’t be opposed if it’ll make you happy.”

“Do… you mean that?”

“Question 1--yes. I do.”

“Hahaha, okay,” she laughed bouncing down on the couch. “Question 2-- why do you wanna make me happy?”

“Uhm…” he blushed hotly. “Because you’re my fr-friend.”

“Why’d you stutter?”

“That counts--because you are my friend. It makes me nervous to admit that.”

“Why?”

“You would ask all the why questions… Because it means you’re important to me.”

It was her turn to flush when she pried again, “Why does that make you nervous though?”

“It means I could lose you,” he confessed.

“I’m not Kikyo though… You won’t lose me,” she said breathily. Oh fuck she was right there in front of him.

“Not now, but eventually. Demons have different life spans.”

“What do you mean?”

“We live longer, don’t get sick, all that stuff…”

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-six--I was born this century. My father though, he was centuries old before he died.”

“How’d he die?”

“Freak priestess accident. My mother never really talked about it. I never asked about it.”

“What about your mother?”

“She died of cancer.”

“She--she didn’t take your father’s lifespan?”

“Are you asking if they mated?”

“Uhm, if that’s what it’s called?”

“She did--that’s why she got cancer and died early. Or at least that’s what the doctors said.”

Her tears hurt him. He didn’t want her pity. “Hey, don’t cry--”

“I’m sorry, I just-- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and--”

“Shhhh,” he said, pulling her into a full embrace. She buried her head into his sweater and just cried. She was just crying for him. There was no pity. It was like she was shedding the tears he never allowed himself to cry. Her empathy held no bounds. He was so screwed. The love he held for her only grew that night.

Especially when she fell asleep in his arms and he carried her to bed. She muttered his name so softly and whined at the loss of his contact. He leaned down to kiss her forehead just before her eyes opened tentatively. He almost missed it; but he saw those beautiful carmel eyes flutter right before they squeezed shut again. If he had his demon sense he would have been able to see it better. To hear her heart rate and breathing. To be able to just confess.

But it was the new moon and he was still a coward. He didn’t want to hear the potential no in her answer about actually dating. The fluster from her about being his mate.

Smiling, he pressed his lips to forehead like he had planned. Then he did the only thing he was brave enough to do at the moment-- he lightly pressed his lips to hers and then quickly left the room before she could reveal to him she was awake.

He was so fucked.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a couple days after that he ended up meeting Kagome at the coffee shop because he had a final that ran longer than he originally thought. He immediately regretted it having smelt the wolf the moment he opened the coffee house door.

Kagome locked eyes with him from their booth and smiled brightly. She waved him over happily. He almost forgot Koga was there--sitting in his spot across from her. He was fucking livid.

“Inuyasha! How’d your final go?” She asked as if Koga was not just sitting there glaring at him.

“Fine,” he clipped. Her brown eyes blinked at him and she tilted her head in confusion from his shortness.

“Here--I got your favorite,” she proceeded pushing his cup to him as she scooted in the booth. Making room for him. He smirked. Show time.

“Thanks babe,” he said sitting next to her wrapping his arm around her. As she turned back to look at Koga he got cocky. He wanted the wolf to know his place in Kagome’s life. Just a friend. Inuyasha was her man. Even if it wasn’t completely official yet. But Koga didn’t need to know that tidbit.

He grabbed her chin and initially she looked confused. Then understanding dawned on her as he lowered his mouth to hers. He saw her eyes widen before they fell to half-mast before he closed his and kissed her. Whoa. He thought her breath was enticing but fuck. She tasted like cherry candy. It took everything not to swipe his tongue along that lip of hers… EVERYTHING.

Pulling back he heard the tiniest whimper of disappointment from her, making him grin all the more. When she opened her glazed over eyes, she stared at him like she was begging him for more. The clearing of a throat across from them broke the spell and while he growled in annoyance she flushed from embarrassment. She proceeded to press her head into his chest, which he didn’t complain about in the slightest. Though he could see the anger and jealousy rolling off Koga in waves.

The conversation was obviously shortened with his presence but Kagome in no way shape or form felt uncomfortable. If anything, it was the opposite. She was beyond comfortable. The happiness she exuded rolled off of her in waves. He could tell the wolf wasn’t exactly excited about it either. But he didn’t say anything. They merely talked about their classes. What they were doing during their winter break. So on and so forth.

On their walk back to her place, he noticed she was biting her lip. More than usual. He wasn’t really sure why. When they finally got there, she invited him like usual and then disrobed her coat and made her way to the couch. She paused and turned to face him as he turned around from taking off his jacket.

“What’s up?” He asked, finally getting slightly irritated from the aura she was exuding.

“Uh--can I ask you something?”

“Yea?”

“It’s about… us.”

“Uh huh… well, spill then.”

“Do… do you like me?”

“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course I like you. We’re friends.” That was probably an asshole answer but it answered the question in the vagueness he needed to convey. He didn’t want to freak her out--it has been maybe a month. He didn’t know he had been in love with Kikyo for a year. Yea, mates were different but shit--she was still human.

“That’s not--ugh! That’s not exactly what I meant. I meant do you like me?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I just don’t want to misread things,” she admitted.

“What would you be misreading?”

“Inuyasha you’ve kissed me twice now! I just--I want to know! Do. You. Like. ME?!”

“So you were awake!!”

“You knew?!?”

“Yea!! You slammed your eyes closed so quick and hard I was expecting you to have fucking whiplash!”

“And you kissed me anyway?!! Why!?!”

“Are you that fucking stupid!?” He questioned stepping towards her until they were maybe a foot apart.

“I just want to know!!! I don’t want to be heartbroken because you don’t love me like I love you!!!” Her eyes widened and she muttered, “Shit.” She turned around and tried to walk away but he grabbed her and swung her back around.

“You’re an idiot,” he smirked down at her blanched face.

“Excuse me?!”

“I thought I was being obvious--at least for me! Do you think I go around walking with my arm slung domestically on any girl? Do you think I kiss anyone on the crown of their head? Do you think I kiss anyone??? Does that sound anything like me at all? Use your fucking head.”

“Inuyasha--stop dodging the question!!!’

“Fine I fucking love you too! I was drawn to you the moment I saw you in the coffee shop and smelt your distress. Wanna know why??? Because you’re my fucking mate! But you’re a human! I didn’t want to freak you out, scare you away, and ruin my only chance with you. That’s why I went along with the fake dating, that’s why I wanted to get to know you, and fuck it’s the main reason I can’t seem to not fucking want to touch you!!! Happy now?!?!”

She grabbed his tendrils and pulled his face down to hers; she kissed the absolute fuck outta him. Holy. Shit. She actually made the move. She was kissing him. And by Gods was it the best damn kiss he ever had.

He felt her tongue press demandingly against his lips and he eagerly let her in. She roamed his mouth and it took all he had not to slam her against the wall and rut the shit outta her. Especially when she moaned when she stroked his fang. Her extra spicy scent came alive and she was clinging to him like a freakin’ spider monkey. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, woven in his hair, and her thick perfect muscular thighs were entangled in his own legs. He should slow this down right? Give her an option. Because anything further he won’t be able to stop. His cock was already pressing into her abdomen--soon to be her sex if she continued to try and climb him like a fucking tree. Not that he minded. It was hotter than the seventh hell.

He pushed her away and whimpered. WHIMPERED. What was she doing to him??

“Kagome--we don’t have to--”

“Shut up please--I’ve wanted you from day 1. But originally this was-- well I actually don’t know what it was because clearly it wasn’t fake. Even though it was. I don’t know. But for the love of God pleaseeeeeeee stop talking and being rational for---however long it takes to have sex and just--”

He interrupted her by slamming his mouth back into hers and swallowed her loud moan. Lifting her up with ease, his cock aligned with her clit. His hips were thrusting into hers. She was grinding into him. Fuck. It was like he was a goddamn virgin all over again. He thought he was going to blow his load right then.

But the last thing he needed to do was fuck her right here on the couch. No--Miroku and Sango would be back for dinner probably within the next hour. If it was gonna happen, they needed to get to her bedroom. That way, he could try to keep her quiet until dinner was fully cooked as he ravished her beautiful body for the next couple of hours.

She was a virgin. She deserved the fucking best.

He carried her to the bedroom and slowly lowered her onto the bed, following so their bodies never lost contact. His mouth devoured her in a way he had never kissed anyone before. He was nipping her, suckling her, shit. She really didn’t care that he was a half demon.

That’s when it dawned on him where her crafty little hands were headed. The moment he felt her dainty soft fingers caress his ears. That's when the rumble came. He was fucking blissed out. If he could, he’d lay here all night. Fuck dinner. Fuck sleep. Fuck anything that had literally nothing to do with them not touching.

Her giggle brought him back to consciousness.

“Too good?” She purred. Goddamn. She should be against the law. She was too much.

“Fuck--you’re never gonna leave this bed.”

“Mmmmm, good. I don’t want to if that means you’ll stay here.”

“Deal,” he said, diving back on her. He took his mouth and moved it down her jaw. Then her neck, then--oh shit they still had clothes on. That could be easily fixed. “Do you like this shirt?”

“Huh?” Oh good--at least he had the same intoxicating effect on her as she did on him.

“Shirt--do you like it?”

“I’m confused by the question,” she admitted pressing his face back into the junction between her neck and shoulder. Keh. That was all he really needed for an answer. His claws ripped through her shirt and his hands immediately began kneading and tugging on her breasts.

“Ahhhhhh, Inu---Gods,” she wailed.

“Like that Ka-Go-Me?”

“Yesssss,” she whined writhing beneath him. Her hips were stick bucking up against his. He knew what she needed. His ears stood at attention as his hand dipped between them and his fingers sunk into her moist folds.

Her breath hitched as she whined pitifully as he toyed with her clit. He pinched, circle, kneaded, and pressed hard seeing what action would push her over the edge. The mixture of the moments seemed to be doing it though--she was panting. Between her nipple being squeezed, her neck being ravished by his teeth and tongue, and her nub being stimulated she was lost to the world around her.

“Cum for me, Kagome,” he demanded softly into her ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and yanking softly.

Her cry was fucking magical. Musical. She should be a goddamn singer. Shit. They needed to get rid of some clothing. Scratch that; they needed to get rid of all their clothing. He toyed with her a little more until she fully came back and was kissing his cheek. He withdrew his hand and toyed with the button on her jeans. She helped him by taking over and unbuttoning. He finished unzipping and pushed them down with her help as she arched off the bed. If that was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

He undid his own pants as he sat up slowly, pulling away from her wandering hands. He was shocked when he pulled his shirt over his head and saw her sitting there with him. Her hands refused to cease their movements as she traced the lines of his abs. He groaned but wanted her to explore. Trying to remain still, he realized her breasts were still encased in her bra.

“Do you like that bra?” He smirked cheekily.

“It’s a set--I’ll take it off,” she huffed, annoyed that she was going to have to stop her ministrations. He chuckled and set forth taking off his jeans and boxers by rising from the bed. Her eyes were like saucers as she stared at his twitching cock.

“Like what you see?” he asked, trying to break the tension. She didn’t answer. Was she scared? Turned off? He was pretty sure he looked normal…

She startled him when she was on the edge of her bed and slowly extended her hand to stroke him. He flinched initially which made her retract her hand. Shaking off his shock, he pulled her hand back to touch him. OH fuck. Had he ever had sex? Did he dream about losing his virginity?? Fuck her hand was amazing. He was nervous now to enter her. Maybe he should let her get round one out of the way first. Honestly he definitely should be getting round two started for her to make sure she was wet enough to enter her without totally hurting her.

Her hand continued its work until suddenly he felt it encased with wet fucking heat. Her mouth. Her mouth was on his goddamn fucking dick. Holy Gods. Shit. Fuck. Don’t stop. Wait--did he say that out loud? Likely not coherently. It probably was a gurgling sound mixed with her name. Maybe even syllables. He wasn’t sure. Nothing was actually processing that well when her fucking tongue was swirling around his tip and licking off the pre-cum that leaked out.

He needed to focus. He didn’t want her to choke on his cock. Even though her little breathy wet sounds on were literally killing him, he honestly didn’t want to hurt her or make her gag. He needed to control himself and NOT thrust. Nope. Self-control. Self--

Her teeth were scrapping him. Oh for fuck’s sake. He tapped her and muttered cuming. Or at least he thought that’s what he said. It could have been that he was a cat. That perfect little mouth, her slender tiny hands that were cupping his balls were making him forget his damn name.

She hummed and that officially did him in. He exploded in her mouth, his hands threaded through her hair, and he gently pushed himself back and forth in his mouth as she drank him in. All of him. And that was fucking hot enough to keep him hard.

But he needed to take care of her next. He officially owed her like ten orgasms. Because that was his best one he had ever fucking had.

Oh, and the little crafty little vixen looked up at him with eyes so full of mayhem then licked her lips. Yea, nope, he had to wipe that little smirk off her mouth.

He pushed her back onto her back on the bed and then took her underwear by the sides and slid them down her legs. Once they were fully down, he began kissing up her calves, licking and nipping her thighs until he laid between them and pulled them up over her shoulders.

“Please, Inuyasha,” she begged.

“Only because you said please,” he replied before licking between her folds. She cried out blissfully. Gods, she was so sensitive. He was loving it. To be fair, she made him melt like butter in heat too. Maybe that was the power of mateship.

He used his tongue to penetrate her first making her whimper and arch off the back. Barely holding in his laugh, he held her hip firmly in one hand. His other hand took his tongue’s place as he shifted to circle her jewel. He inserted one finger first, then two, then finally three until she was pulsing around him. Her whimpers, whines, groans, begging kept him almost unbearably hard. He found himself grinding himself into her mattress for some relief. Once she came he was going to fuck her. He had to. Well, after he asked her--one last time.

Speaking the action into life, she came with a scream of his name. Fucking. Music. To. His. Ears. He maintained contact with his fingers as he slunk his way back up to her mouth and kissed her back to life.

Once she was responding and humming her approval, he retracted his finger and paused in his actions.

“Are you sure about this Kagome?”

“Inuyasha please, I need you. I want you so badly it hurts,” she pleaded.

“This isn’t--”

“Oh my God why am I begging you to have sex with me???” She was actually crying. He needed to calm her down. Jesus Christ.

“Hey hey, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me--I want to. Fuck do I want you, Kagome. You’re perfect. I just didn’t want to rush you--this--I know how this shit started. I just didn’t wanna put you out.”

“We love each other right??”

“I mean--yes--”

“Then how are we rushing,” she breathed, kissing him gently. That kiss was all the encouragement he needed. He lined up to her entrance and slowly poked to make sure she was serious. That she wouldn’t stop him. If anything, he felt her try to edge downward to take him in making him chuckle.

He finally snapped his hips forward and destroyed her hyman. After swallowing her gasp and cry, he removed his mouth and roamed her face kissing her cheeks, temples, forehead and then laved her tears that spilled from her eyes.

She finally twisted, albeit a little awkwardly, as if she was trying to get used to the feeling of being so full of him, and then groaned. Yep. Nope. He couldn’t control the buck he sent back in reply even if he wanted to. Her moan of reply was enough to make him keep going.

Her hot little body responded to every thrust he gave her with her own. He began picking up pace and he was shocked she was able to keep up with him. But her whimpers told him it wasn’t enough. He had never tried this, but, then again, he was doing a lot of things with Kagome he had never tried before.

He moved his hands that had been cradling her face to her thighs and lifted her ass off the mattress and sat up. Her answering wail and hands clenching onto his arms were enough to keep him going. He felt her walls tightening on his hard cock that was thrusting in and out of her tight area. Watching what he was doing to her was almost too much--but she was close. Luckily, he had large enough hands where he merely had to just adjust to use one of his thumbs while keeping a tight grip on her hips to press against her swollen overly sensitive and excited nub. Two strokes was all it took until her walls were clamping down on him and her voice was being sung to the neighbors upstairs and downstairs of her apartment.

He moved one arm to swing around her back so she sitting atop him as he kept fucking her. He buried his head into her neck and groaned.

“Kagome--I’m gonna--”

“Come for me,” she panted.

“I’m gonna mark you--” he gritted out of his elongated fangs. His only response was a moan as she shifted to tilt her bare open neck towards his mouth. Fuck. Did he mention she was absolutely in every way shape and form perfect?

He clamped down on her neck and drove himself into her one final time before he came inside her. When he finally came down from his orgasm, he realized her mark had been cleaned and shown like the demonic markings he had on his cheeks.

“Kagome?”

“Hmmm?” she hummed happily stroking his cheek to bring his face to hers.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhmmmm,” she purred, kissing him. Fuck. He was perfectly screwed.

They spent the next hour strengthening their newly formed bond. He kept trying to swallow her groans, moans, wails, whatever she gave but he began failing because she brought out his own.

They finally emerged for dinner with a very brightly blushing Sango and a wickedly smirking Miroku. Kagome was bashful but Inuyasha only expelled confidence and pride. At dinner, they chatted, confirmed what they had done, and decided a celebration was in order.

What started out as a charade, ended with the most real thing Inuyasha had ever felt in his life. Kagome. The most perfect woman he could have ever had the pleasure of calling his.  

[pixelatedflood]

Why Fulbright Matters: A Subjective Account of Randomly Consistent Facts

Being the good old procrastinating developer who has 10 million ideas none of which is finished and most of which are not even started, I’ve been trying to write an article about the Fulbright program, my experience as a Fulbright scholar so far and some thoughts about its value. But a chance never came I was busy fighting code bugs with a laser saber it was simply a headache to try to summarize such an intense experience in one article without making it a long boring “yet another PR piece”.

Recently however, news came that the Trump administration is planning a huge budget cut to the Fulbright program. This made the idea for this article resurface in my mind and start to take shape.

As I’m writing this, I’m sitting on a bench in Central Park in NYC. A big deal for a Pittsburgh resident, right? The contrast between the old-looking trees, wild rocky shady green surfaces and the skyscrapers in the background is haunting.

To be honest, I don’t have a particular affection for big cities. New York is different, in a way that still puzzles me. I mean this is still the same place where Leonardo Di Caprio lead a ferocious knives-and-teeth battle and murdered the psychopath butcher and his lackeys! This is also where theater, late shows and musicals blossom! And yet it’s also the home of the monstrous Wall Street and its Charging Bull, with people lining up to touch its scrotum and wish for money. New York City is weird. Delicious Pizza and ground smoke. NYC public library, the very edge of sophistication, and huge advertising screens and billboards. It’s unclassifiable, a big mass of everything American and non-American. A shake of protein and carbs with a touch of animal lard, something awe-inspiring yet aggressively bold for the sensitivities of a quiet-loving OCD-stricken guy like me.

I used to roll my eyes whenever that moment comes in a Hollywood movie where someone says “The U-S of A, greatest country in the world”. Other than the fact that Tunisia is that for me, and that I associate chauvinism with other -isms that aren’t that nice, I used to think from the outside looking in: what’s the big deal? Okay so the US is living its historical prime, but so did many empires that eventually declined, and people should be aware of that cycle and should therefore stay humble and skeptical about such statements.

9 months in, I started to see why people say that and feel that way. I mean yeah, we could drown into the liberal discussion of “they don’t know anything else, they haven’t seen the world, so it’s an illusion”, etc. but I still realize why someone would say that more than I did in the past. It’s not about the numbers, nor is it about the good life (well, that depends actually, like CMU software engineers like to assert all the time about everything). Some kind of magic is in the work, to make this place the Eldorado of the world. Obviously, I’m not speaking out of some knowledge in sociology or any other -ology, really. It’s personal experience, from a guy who lived in different countries, so take it as you will: but it is nothing more than my personal sincere experience, if that has any value.

I personally believe it’s about people, what their interactions are creating and the general proliferation of passion in the nature of people here. For a 200-some-year-old country, the US has way more history and stories than that number indicates. It hosts a uniquely amazing mix of cultures and ways of life. And as much as that sounds cliché, I have experienced it first hand and can assert it now with more certainty than ever. Diversity in people, cultures and origins makes this place the miniature world it is. The best - and worst - of everywhere in the world is represented here, and is constantly brewing and boiling, accelerating processes that evolve slower in isolated cultural and social sandboxes in the rest of the world. The greatest country in the world is actually the focal point of summation of humanity’s experiences and drive to produce the new, the unpredictable and the awe-inspiring.

***

What’s the Fulbright program? To spare you the Wikipedia search, it is a program financed by the US Department of State and other organizations to sponsor academic exchange from and to the US. I, personally, am a grantee of the Foreign Fulbright program, which sponsors international students like myself to come to the US and pursue Master and PhD degrees in domains across the spectrum, and sponsors US students to do an academic exchange abroad with the same rationale of learning about the other, and bringing back new ties and knowledge to one’s society. Why does it matter? Why is it important to keep financing it and supporting its long-established legacy? Well, I offer two reasons.

***

The first reason is extremely subjective in that it stems from my own personal experience, and only from that. The Fulbright program saw something in me, and offered me, a 27-year-old software developer with international experience and big dreams, the opportunity to come to the US seeking knowledge from Carnegie Mellon University (my literal reply to the grant offer email from Amideast’s Matthew was: “Thank you for what is the most awesome news I received in my life!”, and I’m married, ladies and gentlemen, so I’m probably going to get questioned about that after this article goes public, so wish me inspiration for evasive answers), as well as the opportunity to come get a taste of that constant summation of the human experience fueled by passion for the better, in a big boiling magic potion that makes this country “the greatest country in the world”. I mean sure, it’s phrased in more sensible terms on the Fulbright website, but that’s my own version of it. I wanted to know what makes US universities the best in the world? What makes the US the birthplace of most of what matters in software engineering and technology in general? Why do people succeed here when they can’t do it elsewhere? What does the US provide that the rest of the world does not?

Being given that opportunity, and seeing its initially reputation-backed importance become more and more clear in practical personal experiences as days go by makes me reflect that I owe this country a big debt for irreversibly transforming my views on how humanity works and evolves. I know more now. I learned, I worked, I interacted, I befriended, I went around, I observed people, organizations and systems, I unconsciously internalized social and economic mechanisms and I answered most of the questions I came with to this country.

And for that, I owe the Fulbright program and the United States a big debt that transformed me to a friend and an ally of the people that made this happen: the Fulbright program, Amideast, Carnegie Mellon University (more specifically my beloved Institute of Software Research faculty, staff and friends) and more broadly the American people who supported the Fulbright Program and made it all possible for me and for thousands of people like me. I also assume I’m not a unique case when it comes to this feeling. In a Fulbright graduate, a small community in the US, as well as the country itself have a new ally and friend.

***

The second reason comes to answer the question of: “So what? New friends and allies, big deal! That’s a lot of money to make new friends! Why are we paying for this?”. As you can see I’m not a fan of sugar-coating, and I would legitimately ask myself the same question if my country, Tunisia, was spending on a program like the Fulbright Program.

I will make this more fun: I actually got to know new amazing fellow bright fools (Fulbright, get it?), and I think that in their stories, comes the answer to that question, because not only are they now friends and allies, but I firmly believe that they are the kind of friends and allies any country would love to have.

Let me start with the Pittsburghers!

Cecilia, Jebrane and I first met at the Fulbright Gateway event in Boston (Suffolk University, August 1st to August 5th 2016). We were the three Pittsburghers of the group, and as soon as we settled in Pittsburgh, we kept in touch.

Jebrane is a Moroccan national, “maghriiiibi” (obvious emphasis on the series of “i”s, that’s how Moroccans say they’re Moroccan) who was sponsored by the Foreign Fulbright Program to pursue a Master in International Political Economy at the University of Pittsburgh. For a boy of his age (I’m 28 and he’s 24, so I get to call him a boy to compensate for his overwhelming knowledge whenever we start a political/economic discussion), he is exceptionally well-read and composed when analyzing economic, political and social phenomena. I enjoyed meeting him on a weekly basis to hang out and discuss big ideas, and was always fascinated by his culture and intelligence. His personal history is full of initiatives where he put his strong character and exceptional wits to work in order to establish partnerships across the Mediterranean, managing events, contributing to academic seminars as an undergrad, etc.

Cecilia (pronounce “tchetchiiilia”, but not like Super Mario’s voice, NO) is from Italy (hence the Super Mario voice reflex I suspect). She is a smart young lady, passionate about architecture and design, and is completing her Architect knowledge with a Computational Design Master degree at CMU. Her team recently won the first prize of the HP-Intel NASA Design Challenge "Life in Space" “for creating a wearable exercise system for astronauts that relieves muscle atrophy in microgravity”. Big brainy stuff, but more than anything: an ingenious eye for opportunity, a realistic and elegant solution with high impact. If you look at her Linkedin profile, you quickly realize this distinction is not actually an exception: she has an impressive track record of winning and excelling.

Now for the Tunisians!

Seif is my long time friend since my undergrad days in ENSIT, University of Tunis. Seif is a fun person, very smart and talented in entrepreneurship and management. I worked with Seif in different student activities during undergrad, where he and I as well as our legendary gang did so much volunteer work and achieved so much together. Seif is now sponsored by the Foreign Fulbright Program to pursue a Master in Technology Management at the University of Bridgeport. He won “the coveted Best Venture Enterprise Award at the 20th fall Connecticut Business Plan Competition for scholar-entrepreneurs” (http://news.bridgeport.edu/news-releases/ub-student-entrepreneur-wins-ct-business-plan-competition/), rewarding the great potential that I have always seen in him.

Narimane, or Nari like Americans like to call her, is one of those people about whom you discover amazing things little by little. Today we actually met during her lunch break and took the above selfie, and I learned that she grew up in Saudi Arabia, surrounded by Egyptian and Lebanese nationals, studying in a French school, returning to Tunisia at age 14 to integrate into her home country for the first time and to join its educational system, which is a tremendous challenge she successfully completed. She later joined INSAT (one of Tunisia’s best engineering schools) to graduate as a biology engineer, then working in healthcare management, now pursuing an MBA at William and Mary, and interning this summer at CBRE (leader in real estate) in New York City doing real work instead of dummy intern tasks. And there’s a reason for that, she knows her stuff. Changing specialties or rather application domains never stopped her from adapting quickly, learning and making impressive progress each time. It shows on her CV, it shows when you talk to her, in her people skills and in her exceptional intelligence.

I also met amazing US Fulbright grantees in San Francisco, who did an academic exchange outside the US. Stories such as the observation of difficulties in teaching medicine in third world countries and deciding to launch a startup to create the largest library of annotated medical imagery in the world, or being inspired by Tunisian traditional craft of “fouta” to create a startup which shares the charm of those products in the US are what happens when US nationals are sponsored to go on an academic exchange elsewhere an bring back new ideas and inspiration to add to the United State’s magic potion of diversity.

There’s a pattern here, recognized around the world beyond my personal experience: Fulbright grantees are exceptional people with amazing potential, tremendous ambition, and unique talents.

I could really go on, but the article is already too long. The gist of it is this: the Fulbright program benefits the US by supporting people like Jebrane, Cecilia, Seif and Narimane, people who will someday achieve great things. Fulbright grantees are selected among thousands and thousands of candidates, and are people with exceptional potential to achieve great things in the future. Fulbright involves them with US-based universities and communities, Fulbright makes of them partners for the future, the US gains allies all around the world, thousands of Jebranes, Cecilias, Seifs and Narimanes. That is a gain which cannot be quantified with money, and the Fulbright Program is probably the best performing academic exchange program in terms of achieving these goals, simply through its sheer scale, hence its prestigious reputation and very notable alumni. (US Fulbright, Foreign Fulbright)

The Fulbright Program is the ingenious product of that unique US magic potion: senator J. William Fulbright got the idea, fought for it, successfully implemented it, and since then, the US gained an incomparable edge in terms of international networking thanks to the dynamic of partnership and mutual understanding this program created.

That is why the Fulbright Program is worth it. That is why I hope the US keeps funding it even if I’m finishing my program this August: it is one of those rare experiences working towards improving the United States’ and the world’s condition, and I deeply hope it does not get killed by a temporary self-isolating political impulse.

***

The Fulbright program is now threatened by a budget cut that would incapacitate it and gradually destroy it if budget cuts like the one suggested become a habit.

So to you American reader, and to you international reader: save Fulbright.