#teen me was so pretentious but its fine im cool with it

[spookygondolier]

I’ve been watching Everything’s Gonna Be Okay on Hulu (airs on Freeform) and it’s very very good! I was expecting to like it because I loved Josh Thomas’ other show Please Like Me, and this one is different for sure but also good! I appreciated how Please Like Me was not afraid to deal really directly with heavy issues like mental illness and suicide while also keeping a sense of humor (sometimes dark humor) and this one does similar things with grief and sexuality and navigating teenage relationships. Also the main characters include an interracial gay couple (both played by gay actors) and an autistic girl who is very vocal about being autistic (and about her “blossoming sexuality”) and played by an autistic actress (as are her autistic friends). Also *minor spoiler* in recent episodes she and one of her friends are girlfriends and their communication with each other is a++. All the teen girl characters very much feel like people I’ve known or my sister has known and not like a Typical TV Teen Girl. Also the lead male character is an entomologist and each episode is named after and features a different type of bug!

And it’s kind of fun and surprising to see some weirdly specific experiences reflected back at me (sometimes with minor differences) like: being 17 and hanging out with an autistic friend and deciding to try something sexual just to see what it’s like (while also thinking that it seems like an awful lot of touching) and approaching it almost like a scientific experiment as your friend walks you through each step of it in clear detail (with the main difference being that the characters in the show seemed to enjoy it while I decided it’s maybe Not For Me); roaming around a party silently drinking because you don’t know who to talk to or what to do; a friend/loved one suggesting new clothes for you to wear for an occasion and getting frustrated and upset as you immediately shoot down each choice by explaining why it wouldn’t work for you; watching a character do the exact same anxious/overwhelmed hand flapping/slight bouncing thing that I usually go hide in a bathroom to do. Also the character who did the last two things has a very similar fashion sense to what I wore in high school, down to the dark colors and patterned hand warmers (but minus the graphic tees and the old-timey hats) which I find pretty entertaining.

Anyways the show is good and funny and does some surprisingly bold things for an American sitcom on a network like Freeform! And I would recommend it as long as you’re not uncomfortable with really blunt and open discussions about sex and sex-related things, as well as some depictions of people clearly getting ready for sexytimes (no nudity though, but lots of making out). Also parental death is a major part of the premise and is a big part of the first couple episodes. There is also a situation in one episode involving questionable consent (one character is drunk, the characters are 17 and 18).

[revivisection]

its night time you know what that means! this is my diary now. very long week recap ahead.

my teeth are cool and good kind of now. they're actually still pretty awful but my front are work in progress they look mostly fine now and im not so vigilant at hiding my mouth :) not without a week's worth of pain and agony recovery but. you knoow. i will have to go through that again at some point oh well thank god for ibuprofen except it wears off before i can take another one. my upper lip was incredinly inflamed for a few days, bad experience.

you know you never really think about hpw much you use your mouth or just like. feel your mouth generally experience the life experience of having a mouth until there's problems with it. crazy how that works. i for one would have a much better time not having a mouth it's rather disgusting. ideal form i simply absorb energy through airwaves, or perhaps plug myself in to charge

after that i had to enroll in courses i was like surely i will have a fine and okay time. <-full of hubris. i slept through the first hour of course enrollment because i went to sleep at 6am and it opened at 9. so im now on two waitlists which probably wont let up. going to take latin though, going to become more pretentious just you wait. i think this is what you would call a "dark academia moment" but i dont think i actually know what dark academia is. school hasn't started yet but im having the biggest fucking imposter syndrome everyone who has ever told me how smart i am is a fucking liar.

had a fun lil trivia club day with some trivia club buddies. believe it or not, we did trivia. exciting, i know. anyways scratch what i said before whenever i get the right answer in trivia club i am literally the smartest man alive. why do all my friends have absolutely ancient editions of trivial pursuit (the words of someone who doesn't own any board games)

and yesterday i hung out with my dear friend @threecirclingbuzzards!! she let me scavenge through her big bag of miscellaneous patches it was very fruitful. my vest is very empty because i have to make everything myself and i simply do not. so now i have more things to put on it, the real question is when im actually going to sew. it was also cool because we are like brain linked we are like that image of clown-to-clown communication dont need to speak coherently because like. i get it. she gets it. we get it. the clown part is especially true because we were like. what to teens do. hang out at the mall. genius. and then we got there and it was two minutes from closing. genius. at the dollar store i got minecraft stickers god i love minecraft i will be forty fucking years old and not tire of minecraft

over the course of my mouth recovery time i listened to youtube videos to try and distract myself when falling sleep and i listened to a video about the evil within 1. i dont need to give background information but i will anyways.. back in like whenever of this year early this year some time this year i was scrolling through the discussion page of the tumblr sexyman wiki and there was a suggestion post for stefano valentini and i was like. woah. ive seen that man before. ive watched my fair share of oxbox/oxtra vids in my lifetime. and then i proceeded to go crazy. something about him makes me go absolutely nuts like awooga etc. who fucking knows. anyways i was content to never know anything about the evil within beyond that stefano valentini is like absurdly attractive until i watched that video about the evil within 1 while mildly Out Of It and i developed a very sudden crush on ruvik so now i know some things about the evil within. how was your day. another fucked up evil guy who i am compelled by. i cant fix him i cant make him worse but i CAN look at him from afar. all ive been able to draw lately is just ruvik faces idk man he's my latest fixation i guess. got him on the mind (except for when i was catching up on the patho tag today. i love my weekly spam reblogging from the patho tag except this time it's two weeks worth of posts becuase by god i was having a bad time)

perhaps i should actually watch a lets play of tew so i can know like. what the game is like in full properly and shit. shhhhh you dont see my incomplete patho2 save. i would play more horror games if i werent a little bitch, but im not so instead i just play stupid long fantasy rpgs. the sole reason i havent finished pathfinder kingmaker is because of that stupid goddamn darven quest oh my god i hate that man i hate that quest i need to speedrun it get it over with so i can enjoy the rest of the game but i simply cannot take it when the FUCK is he going to show up how much fuckng time needs to pass where are you bitch i need to xget this out of the fucking way so the hellknights stop crashing my place fucking my shit up i hate it her.e.

i wrote all of this because i am insuch! a mood today. idk whats up last nigh t i passed out instantly fell asleep died went to purgatory the moment i laid down on my bed like in an instant ive never been so sleepy in my life. and today i am incredibly humid but more than that the time actually melted away. like pretend time is a stick of butter in my hands except i preheated my hands in the oven for several minutes and the butter didnt even bother to melt so the preheating didnt matter it just slipped off my stupid little fingers. i woke up blinked now its night time. now nearly twelve hours have passed what the fuCK was i doing. nothing. i have no idea how this time passed i feel out of it (different) a different kind of out of it who knows maybe this is my natural tooth recovery time but instead for going outside two days in a row and having fun. this is my body and mind telling me to have less fun. wlel fuck you body and mind im hanging out with friends AGAIN tomorrow. see how you like that fucker. or maybe im just a little baby and its because i forgot to sleep with my stuffed animals last night. i have a build-a-bear longhorn i love him with my life i named him after my wife (artemy) he keeps me company because all i do is sit and rot.

also we havent read new pages of this dark endeavour in like11 days oops. the review WILL happen eventually okay i have so much to say about that wretched novel just when the summer book club completes it

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

I was sold to Wolfe, this is my story (a shitty Witcher 1D AU)

I mean we all need a little nostalgia nowadays right? and its fun making fun of ourselves?!

Summary: Jaskier gets sold to Wolfe, his favorite boy band, in typical One Direction fan fic style. 

Warnings: Yeah all of them. The fuck was I thinking? This is just awful but i giggled the whole time i wrote it😂😂

In keeping with the spirit of shitty old 1D fic, I didn’t edit this AT ALL. I cannot stress enough how much I tried to revert back to 13 year old Regan with an unidentified need to be dominated projecting onto this type of fic 😖��

__________

 I was a normal teen boy. Everything in my life was typical. Parents’ house, school was boring, a small group of catty girlfriends that probably only kept me around as the token gay, everything. I was even into the major boy band at the time, Wolfe. I mean was I supposed to resist? They were all so pretty, and talented, and the front man, Geralt. Wow. Just wow. I had probably fifty posters of him alone all over the walls of my room. Typical, boring, normal.

Until that morning. 

I, Jullian ‘Jaskier’ Alfred Pankratz (pretentious I know), woke up like any other day. Showered, blow dried my hair to softly lay over my forehead, dressed in my favorite outfit of red skinny jeans and a blue and white horizontal striped top, and smudged the brown coal I stole from my sister around my eyes, I was ready for school. When I got downstairs though, things were… off. 

“There you are! Jullian! Come here.” My mother seemed frazzled, but I was more concerned with the intimidating man standing in our kitchen doorway, munching on an Eggo waffle. 

Mom took me aside into the living room and sat me down at the sofa, “I have something to tell you.”

“Mom, what? Who is that? He looks familiar?”

“Vessimir. Wolfe’s management. You’re going with him.”

My mind screeched to a halt. Ves? He looked different in real life. I guess it’s just because I’m not distracted by the boys in the pictures with him. Wait? What?

“I’m… where am I going?!”

My mother took my hand and squeezed it gently, “We had to cover the mortgage somehow honey, and your father is already working so hard and Josie just can’t stop school suddenly, you know how much she struggles. You’re smart, you’ll be fine. We sold you to Wolfe.”

I didn’t know how to feel. Sold? Bad. I didn’t like being given up by my parents sure. But to Wolfe? The obsession that took up literally all of my free time? The hottest boys I’d ever seen? That gave off the strongest bi vibes I’d ever picked up? Bought me? I could live with that. 

I smiled hesitantly, “Okay mom.... Okay.”

She leads me back to Ves in the kitchen who introduced himself and lead me out to a long white limo.

“But my stuff?”

Ves just laughed, “The boys want to choose your wardrobe. You won’t need it.”

The inside of the limo was everything you see in the movies, bottles of champagne, fancy leather seats, gold plated knobs and handles, everything. I was in too much of a state of shock to enjoy it though. 

By the time we arrived to a gated drive and big mansion my palms were sweaty and I was worried my eyeliner would be running. Ves opened the door and helped me out, leading me up the front steps and into a big beautiful foyer. I could get used to living in the palace they shot Princess Diaries in. 

“BOYS! IM BACK!” Ves grinned and hid me behind a curtain, “Let’s trick them, yeah?”

I heard the skidding of sneakers and could identify each voice muttering to each other in excitement.

“The fuck? Alone?” Lambert. Definitely Lambert. 

“Mom backed out,” Ves explained, not quite selling it well enough.

“Ves. Stop. You said she already signed.” Eskel sounded disappointed and it made me even more nervous if that was even possible. 

Then, suddenly, the curtain I was hiding behind was pulled away, and standing tantalizingly close, was Geralt. He grinned and called back over his shoulder to the others without breaking eye contact with me, pinning me to the floor with those golden eyes, “Found him!”

His voice, goddamn. I had a little thought about how I should try to play it cool, but he was just so pretty and I was putty in his hands without him even having to try. 

He stepped back, holding his hand out to motion where he wanted me to go, “You’re a cheeky one, aren’t you?”

I nodded, not sure how to form words anymore, just trying not to trip over my own feet as he lead me over the meet everyone. He rested his hand on the small of my back and whispered so only I could hear, “Relax, we don’t actually bite.”

I squeaked instead of saying anything but took it as a win, that much closer to being able to say anything. 

Lambert shook my hand, “What’s your name? You’re a cutie.”

I blushed furiously and whispered my answer, “Jullian, but my friends call me Jaskier.”

Eskel took my hand and kissed it, bowing like a noble knight, “Pleased to meet you Jaskier.”

I only realized I wasn’t breathing when Geralt pulled me into his side, “I think he’s in shock.” 

I nodded, “That and Ves ate my breakfast.”

All three of them shot him an exasperated look, but he only shrugged. 

“Well then,” Geralt began, leading me through the halls, the others following behind us, “... let’s get you something to eat then give you the tour?”

He still hadn’t let go of my waist and I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain, leaning into it as we walked. 

Eskel jogged up next to us and laced his fingers through mine, “No fair Geralt, don’t hog the pretty boy.”

Lambert hung back, “I don’t know, this is a pretty good view.”

I squeaked again and leaned closer into Geralt who turned around to scold his band-mate, “At least try to be decent. Let him get settled before you act like a perv.”

I grinned up at him. “Is that what you’re doing?”

Geralt looked down at me with those beautiful golden orbs and I melted, “Hmmmmm” 

[thelifetimechannel]