#tear me apart and build me anew with love and tears

[pyxxiestyxx]

A Typical Affini Sees a Cutie

Tw: scaryffini, implied violence

Roots, I want to hurt you.

It's something about you, something that sets you apart from the rest of your species. I'm not sure if it's the way you look at me when you think I'm distracted, or perhaps if it's the subtle shift in your scent, in your hormones when I grow near.

I don't think it matters, to be honest.

What matters is that you have interested me. No. No….not that. "Interest" is too simple a word. Too….impersonal. It lacks the sheer hunger that drives through my core whenever I see you. It captures nothing of how every inch of the miles of vinework in me itches to wrap you tightly and squeeze.

So no, you do not merely 'interest' me, dear. You are an obsession. You are a passionate blinding star. You are a feverish frenzy that threatens to engulf every moral, every ideal I hold true because I would throw them all away for the chance to have you in my claws.

And oh…I would be so, so sweet to you. I will learn everything about you, petal, I simply must...for my sake as much as yours. I must know you past, present, and future; I must know your mind as well as your flesh. Your tears, delicious as they are, must never fall again….well. Except when guided by my vines, of course. You will learn to forgive me, in time. For my indulgences.

And how could I not? Your screams of pain and pleasure mixing and mingling tighter than my implant and your spine will be rhapsody to my senses, petal. Angels themselves will learn what true heaven sounds like on that day. I will make sure of it, don't you fret.

Oh, my precious dear, the flower of my eye…please, don't shake and shiver so. This is not something to be scared of! Today is to be a happy day, you see.

It is the first day of the rest of your life~ and I will make sure you live for as long as I desire. Here- take your medicine for me. That's right, no needles this time. Fun like that will come later; we will have plenty of time to enjoy such things. For now, a simple mask of my petals laid across your face. Breathe in, dear. Breathe in, and relax into my vines. Let me have all of you, my dearest. Let me own you, Own you. Breathe in, and surrender.

[qroier]

you know what gets me the most, disregarding meta and out of character stuff and everything. roier cubito has such a distinct connection to buildings. like, his dads are two of the biggest builders on the server. even apart from them, though, I think he really understands how the houses someone builds are an extension of them, how the walls and blocks have traces of their essence left behind. he's so protective too, rarely letting people help with bobby's city and always getting angry over broken windows or torn down walls. so what's he gonna think of the house built by doied?

he likes to talk big and claim the houses built by family, but he doesn't take them. he knows he didn't build them with his own two hands he knows he has no real ownership. the memories there are because of people not because of the stones. what will he think of a house that he was supposed to build but never actually did. he didn't place those stones. he's gonna be stuck living in another man's house surrounded by friends and family and a life he always wished he could have had.

it's not like he can move away completely, everyone he loves is there. tearing it down and building it anew would be so much work. claiming it for himself and retaking it like he's already gonna have to do with all the other parts of his life that doied is corrupting won't do anything to remove the traces of doied from the walls. so what's he gonna do with the house?

[themarshmallownerd]

What You Want, What You Need

Summary: At a formal party, Natalie drinks in attempts to feel normal again. Instead, she muses on just how abnormal she feels apart from her fellow survivors.

Relationships: Lottie Matthews/Natalie Scatorccio

Rating: Teen (T) for depictions of drinking and suggestive language

Link: What You Want, What You Need (AO3)

A/N: For those of you who followed me for the botched-resurrection AU, don't worry, that is still in the works. The latest chapter is about 3/4s of the way done, so you can expect that sometime in the next week. In the meantime, depression has had me in its grips lately, so as a coping mechanism, I wrote some pointless fluff. Hope you enjoy ❤️

Preview: She unceremoniously pushes herself to sit up, senses swimming a little in disorientation as she learns anew that this isn’t her house. Once what little remains of her rational brain catches up with her, she turns slightly to Lottie and the others to announce, “I’m gonna get another drink.”

And apparently, Lottie doesn’t love her anymore, because she just says, “OK, hon,” and doesn’t make any move to go with her.

Natalie frowns. In her state, it makes no sense to go anywhere without her girl. The mere thought makes her stomach lurch in panic (nevermind the fact that she’ll just be going to the kitchen, which is literally on the opposite side of the very wall she and Lottie are currently sitting against).

“No,” she tries to say, the sound coming out strangely quiet and garbled by tears she did not bid herself.

“Hmm?” Lottie hums in confusion.

“No,” Natalie repeats, forcing her voice to come out more clearly. She gives a huff, irritated with herself for suddenly forgetting how to string her thoughts together in cohesive words. “No, I need…you hafta’ come wi’ me. I’m…don’ wanna lose you again. So…I need you to come wi’ me so I don’t lose you, ‘cause…cause ‘m gonna miss you, and…i’s gonna feel bad. ‘M gonna lose you.”

Another self-exasperated huff. Why was she having such a hard time speaking? Why was her fucked up brain making it so hard?

Fuck, she was going to cry. She wants so badly not to cry, but her determination only seems to aggravate the building tears further.

Fortunately, Lottie doesn’t question why the notion of being apart makes her so anxious. Rather, she sits up a little straighter, taking Nat’s hand in one of her own. “Hey, it’s OK. I can come with you.”

On the other side of Lottie, Taissa shifts in her seat, gently tapping Van’s knee in a silent request to let her stand up. “We’ll all go. I need a refill too, and I’m freezing my ass off out here.”

For all of her tough, standoffish attitude in most everyday situations, Taissa also had a tendency to turn very soft—if not a little awkward—when it came to handling someone in tears. Hence, Nat suspects it has something to do with her when Taissa makes that suggestion, and not the fact that her wine glass has been empty this entire time.

And with that, all four of them migrate to the kitchen, forming their own little privatized party as they drink around the island there. The remainder of the tequila bottle passed between Natalie and Van, a more proper glass of wine for Taissa, and a can of pop for Lottie (her current medications don’t mix well with alcohol). With the Taylors now lurking somewhere in the next room, the topic of conversation has now switched to more benign matters, like how Taissa really feels about her law school classmates, or why Van thinks Scream is the best thing to happen to the horror movie community.

Natalie tries to participate a little more in the conversation this time, grateful as she is that the other women came indoors with her. But before long, she finds herself simply standing behind Lottie, arms wrapped around her middle and nuzzling her pretty black hair. Nat sways them both slightly, to channel the outpour of giddiness inside of her to have someone in her life that she likes touching so much.

She’s always been kind of finicky with physical affection. But once she finds someone she knows well enough, she loves it. Even if it’s just little things, like taking someone’s hand to lead them somewhere, or leaning on them when she’s tired (which is probably why there were so many rumors she was a slut in high school, sleeping with all of her friends, who were mostly guys at the time). It was a surprise to her when she first started sleeping with Lottie—the same Lottie who once thought they could survive being stranded in the Wilderness by holding hands and tuning into each other’s spirits or some shit—and found that Lottie was actually the more physically reserved one between them. Not that Lottie was averse to touch; she just wasn’t used to it.

In hindsight, Natalie supposes it makes sense. Lottie’s family never struck her as the most affectionate type (hell, her parents were barely even present in their daughter’s life), and Lottie never had any really close friends of her own back in their school days. The forced closeness of the Wilderness undid some of that learned self-isolation. But still, there was an adjustment period to the ready availability of touch—particularly from Natalie—when it became a matter of desire and intimacy instead of strictly warmth and survival.

Eventually, Shauna finds them. Rather than be upset that Nat and Van have nearly finished her tequila, she simply joins in, taking a long swig in order to finish the very last of it. With one of the party hosts now hiding away from the rest of the event, the other guests don’t stay for much longer. They trickle into the kitchen little by little, bidding their good-byes over the course of the next half-hour. It doesn’t occur to Natalie that this means the party’s over Shauna makes an offer to drive Taissa and Van home, since they live nearby. 

By now, Natalie feels even more unsteady and fragile than she did before (apparently drinking more liquor didn’t cancel out the bad feelings like she had originally hoped). She latches onto Lottie’s hand as the latter begins heading for the front door. Her heart is doing a painful climb up her throat, as though choking her before she can panic too much at the notion of the only people she actually feels normal around leaving her behind, with nowhere really to go. 

Her tongue feels strangely fuzzy, like an alien weight moving in her mouth as she tries to speak. She tugs on her and Lottie’s joined hands for attention. “Can…‘an you…take me wi’ you?”

Lottie smiles at her, all warmth and affection and everything that makes Natalie’s sloshed brain want to melt. “Of course, Nat.”

[ravenkings]

People like Mother who possess a Heaven-given education–the words are peculiar I know–may perhaps be able to welcome a revolution in a surprisingly matter-of-fact way, as a quite natural occurrence. Even I found some things objectionable when I read Rosa Luxemberg’s book, but, given the sort of person I am, the experience on the whole was one of profound interest. The subject matter of her book is generally considered to be economics, but if it is read as economics, it is boring beyond belief. It contains nothing but exceedingly obvious platitudes. It may be, of course, that I have no understanding of economics. Be that as it may, the subject holds not the slightest interest for me. A science which is postulated on the assumption that human beings are avaricious and will remain avaricious through all eternity is utterly devoid of point (whether in problems of distribution or any other aspect) to a person who is not avaricious. And yet as I read this book, I felt a strange excitement for quite another reason–the sheer courage the author demonstrated in tearing apart without any hesitation all manner of conventional ideas. However much I may oppose morality, I am powerless to prevent the image floating before my eyes of the wife of the man I love, coolly and quickly hurrying back to his house. Then my thoughts turn destructive. Destruction is tragic and piteous and beautiful. The dream of destroying, building anew, perfecting. Perhaps even, once one has destroyed, the day of perfecting may never come, but in the passion of love I must destroy. I must start a revolution. Rosa gave tragically her undivided love to Marxism. 

–Osamu Dazai, The Setting Sun (Trans. Donald Keene)

[solarisrasa]

Lavender Tea and Ice Cream Kisses

Part 2 of Tealeaves for Heart and Home: A Malec (HumanAU) A/B/O series about re-finding lost loves and learning to build a family anew.

Part one

Read Here on Ao3

  Alec slips out of Magnus’ bed in the blue-grey light of early morning, pressing his scent carefully into Magnus’ pillow. He hopes to be back before Magnus wakes and definitely before Max. Just in case though, he searches until he finds a scrap of paper and writes a short note with his phone number at the bottom.

  Magnus

  I ducked out to grab a change of clothes and hopefully get the three of us breakfast. I promise to be back before you miss me. If you wake before I’m back, give Max a kiss for me.

  Alec

He sets the note right where Magnus will see it, tucks the blanket a little closer to Max and forces himself to leave. He dials his sister quickly as he hurries toward the subway, hoping she won’t be too angry about being woken early.

  “Alexander Lightwood you’d better be calling because you need a massive favor.”

“I need a massive favor.”

  “You better not have already fucked things up with Magnus.”

He makes an affronted sound and dodges a sleepy kid on a skateboard, “No. I have to rush home to change clothes, I don’t want to spend a whole day with him and Max in a suit and...I need to grab a couple things in case he wants them for...later.”

Izzy makes a delighted sound in his ear, her sleepy grumbles subsiding and he grimaces.

  “For his nest you mean? You move quick big brother. What do you need me for? Jace and I already set you out of office for the week.”

Alec decides not to acknowledge her comments and skips to the favor he needs as he starts down the stairs, “I want to grab us breakfast but I won’t have time to do both. Can you please see if the  Patisserie near yours can put together some things and bring them to my apartment?”

She sighs, “ You’re not even giving me time to look presentable and Simon’s not even here to do it for me, you definitely owe me.”

“Anything, within reason, you want. Thank you, Iz.”

She makes a noise that’s not exactly nice into the phone and hangs up. He rolls his eyes but he’s smiling as he boards his train.

-

“I’ve decided you can make it up to me by giving me details.” Izzy announces without so much as a knock of his door. Not for the first time, Alec wishes he’d thought harder about giving her a key.

“I promise you details, to a point, but not right now. I need to get back to them.” He presses a quick kiss to her cheek and takes the boxes from her, “You made it just in time.”

He’d pulled on his shoes just a moment before. She laughs and tucks a little slip of paper into the front of the top box.

“You’re lucky I’m such a good sibling. I can wait for info but you’d better text me a picture or two of that  adorable kid. He is...he’s yours, isn’t he?” She gets a little quiet at the end and Alec pauses where he’s half out the door.

He smiles, soft and big. He tries to tell his heart to slow down but he’s so  overwhelmingly happy about the last eighteen hours, “Yeah. Max is mine...he’s amazing, I can definitely send you a picture and...hopefully he can get to know his aunts and uncles soon.”

Izzy’s big eyes sparkle, both with her delight and unshed tears and Alec clears his throat, “Okay, I really have to go.”

She nods and shoos him away.

-

Alec had slipped out the backdoor that morning, the thumb lock allowing him to ensure the door locked behind him. That’s a problem now, of course.

He laughs at himself, standing outside of  Pandemonium with his boxes of pastries and no way to contact Magnus, since he never got his number. He can’t believe he’s managed to do this.

Before he can really settle into berating himself or resign himself to just sitting on the ground until a reasonable hour to start shouting Magnus’ name, a sound draws his attention. Next to  Pandemonium is a stately looking antiques shop and the door swing open to reveal a man dressed, well, a bit like an antique himself. His salt and pepper hair is in a disarray and his beta scent is old books and black tea. He squints at Alec.

“You are Alexander Lightwood.”

It’s not a question but Alec doesn’t know what to do but nod and the man huffs, “Locked yourself out?”

Alec laughs, embarrassed, “I was...overeager about grabbing breakfast. You know Magnus?”

“I should say so, I got that little shit out of his father’s reach when he  finally realized his life was worth more than being Asmodeus’ bargaining chip. Catarina told me you’d showed up again yesterday.” The man sounds unbearably fond as he insults Magnus and Alec smiles despite himself.

“My siblings were working on a community outreach project and they heard about his shop. My sister ran up eight flights in her heels to drag me here as soon as they realized. I never…” He feels like he has to justify himself to this man, “I never wanted to leave him. I’ve prayed for his happiness everyday. I’m grateful to you for getting him, getting  them, safe.”

The man nods slowly, “I always thought that Magnus had romanticized you in his head...but I can see that maybe he didn’t. I’m Ragnor and if you give me a moment I can get a spare key and let you back-”

“Daddy!”

Alec’s head jerks up, as does Ragnor’s, and his eyes widen in horror.

Max is leaning  out of the third floor window, his little body leaned far forward and one little hand waving. Before Alec can do more than choke his name and take a frantic step under his son, strong hands are jerking Max back inside.

He blinks, then lets out a shaky breath and turns to Ragnor who just nods and rushes to get his spare key.

Alec hurries up the stairs, hoping Ragnor locks the door behind him, needing to make sure Magnus is okay after Max’s little stunt.

He hears them before he sees them.

“-because I can fly, Ayah! I’ve been watchin’ the birds and I know how.” Max sounds determined and Alec’s heart clenches.

“Human bones are much heavier than birds, Blueberry, we can’t fly like they can.” Magnus tells him, voice soothing. Alec rounds the corner into the living room then, setting the boxes of their breakfast on the side table. Max turns to him with a big smile.

“It’s okay if I didn’t fly, Daddy would’ve catched me!”

Alec blinks away the hot tears those words summon, Max is already so sure of him. He swears to himself, then and there, to do his best to always catch his son. He locks eyes with Magnus and suddenly the distance between them is unacceptable. He strides to where Magnus is sitting on the floor, holding Max’s little hand, and drops to gather them both into a tight hug.

Max giggles and snuggles in close. Magnus tips his chin to look at Alec with a little, relieved smile and the lingering scent of fear fades with his affection.

“You look very James Dean, darling.”

Alec laughs and shrugs, “I just grabbed anything that wasn’t work clothes. I meant to be back before you were up, but, uh, I didn’t think about the locks.”

Magnus’ brows furrow, “How  did you get back in?”

“Ragnor.”

“Ah. Forgot I gave him a key. He was nice?” Magnus demands and Alec nods, pressing a kiss to Max’s curls as he let’s Magnus go.

“Yeah. I have the feeling he was getting ready not to be but, well, I was holding breakfast and telling him thanks for helping you when Max decided to scare us. Not the best moment to grill me.” He pokes Max’s side, “Please don’t hang out of windows, little bat.”

Max nods easily and presses his face into Alec’s neck, “ ‘kay. Did you bring food?”

Magnus rolls his eyes, “Ready to eat everything in the house already. He’s going to be a nightmare as a teenager.”

“Well for now, I brought French pastries.”

Magnus stands up with a little wink, “A man could get used to this Alexander.”

Alec doesn’t have words to answer, finally registering what Magnus is wearing. He’s wrapped in a black silk robe, open over his chest, and with only the faint traces of yesterday's makeup and his hair a mess he’s beautiful.

“Breakfast!” Max crows, wriggling in Alec’s arms and distracting him from Magnus’ gorgeous self, not that his attention has gone unnoticed if the pleased curl of Magnus’ scent can be believed.

Alec let’s him go and pushes to his feet, grabbing the boxes and setting them on the table as Magnus grabs plates. Max climbs into a chair and his eyes are wide as he sees the croissants and danishes that Izzy chose, along with three fruit tarts that Magnus zeroes in on.

“Save me one of those.” He points one perfectly polished finger toward the tarts, “I’m going to make us some tea.”

He hurries back into the kitchen before Alec can protest and he shakes his head, turning to Max.

“What would you like, Max?”

The little boy lifts a hand to his ear, tugging at the lobe as he looks seriously at the food. His little face scrunches as he concentrates and Alec bites his cheek to stop himself from cooing aloud.

“Can I have two, Daddy?”

Alec smiles gently, “I think your Ayah would be okay with that, but let’s start with half of each okay? Which ones?”

Max hesitates, but must find Alec’s answer acceptable because he points to one of the fruit tarts and a  pain au chocolat . He grins at his plate as Alec carefully sets half of each treat in front of him. Max smells like pure joy and sweet delight. Alec smiles in sudden understanding, Max smells a little like blueberries under his happiness.

“Lavender tea.” Magnus announces, setting a tea tray down and looking askance at Alec.

“Yes please. Max?”

“Thank you Ayah!”

Magnus hums and pours them all cups while Alec puts a plate together for each of them and the scent of gentle contentment curls around them. He feels light within, like he’s living inside of a perfect moment. He acknowledges but releases the urge to try and hold onto the moment, he’s happy enough just living it right now.

-

Magnus thinks his heart might actually be in danger of melting. Alec is crouched next to Max, both of them watching a caterpillar munching away, Alec is whispering and pointing and Max looks amazed. They’ve already been at it for a few minutes but Magnus doesn’t mind.

They're both wearing gray shirts and blue jeans and Alec’s leather jacket is tossed over his shoulder carelessly.

He pulls out his phone and takes a couple pictures, debates sending one to Isabelle (she had stuck her phone number on top of their breakfast with a note for Magnus to text her) and ends up sending one to Cat.

  Magnus 11:05a

  1 attachment

  I think Alexander is going to be the favorite by the end of the day.

  Catarina 11:05a

  Please, Max thinks you hung the stars. Be careful.

Magnus frowns a bit at that, but just sends back a smiley face. He understands that his friends are nervous about this,  he’s nervous about it. Watching as Alec carefully helps Max hold the caterpillar, grinning, he has to admit he’s not worried about Alec and Max. It’s been clear since the moment Alexander realized that he’s more than willing to be a part of their son's life. Magnus is most worried that Alec’s built up some version of him that the real thing won’t measure up to, he’s worried maybe he’s done the same.

He was so full of hope and certainty the night before, pressed close to Alexander on the balcony, his dream come true. The light of day reminded him, no matter how much he hated it, that they don’t know each other well enough to make a commitment to each other, like… like mating. Max carefully puts the caterpillar back and Alec blows a little raspberry on his arm, making the little boy giggle. Magnus wants this so badly though, it’s an ache he’s ignored for years but with Alexander holding their son’s hand, smiling at him as they come back to the bench he’s been waiting on, he wants.

“There was a bug, Ayah!”

He laughs and takes Max’s other hand, “I saw, did Daddy tell you about it?”

Max nods enthusiastically, “He said it was gonna be a butterfly, he even knew what kind!”

“Did he?” Magnus looks to Alec, teasing. The alpha blushes but laughs helplessly.

“Izzy loves science and I always thought insects were interesting, we were regulars at the butterfly pavilion.”

“Well that is just charming Alexander, but Max, if you want to bring home any bugs, please tell me so I can make Daddy deal with it.” Magnus gave a playful shiver and stuck out his tongue and they both laughed at him.

“I promise.” Max sounds so serious when he says it but a second later he’s tugging both their hands, “Come on! To the park!”

They follow his insistent tugs, sharing fond looks. Technically they’re already in the park, but Max insists that “just plants” isn’t a park so he’s pulling them toward the play area. There are plenty of other kids running around for Max to play with but Magnus knows his routine.

“Swings first?” he asks and Max nods seriously.

“Yes. Push me?”

“Of course.”

Max lets them go to run to the swingset and makes an impatient gesture when he realizes they haven’t both run after him. Magnus rolls his eyes and presses a kiss to Alexander’s cheek, “Duty calls.”

“I’m sure I’m required too.”

Max is now calling out to both of them, looking every inch the demanding five year old and Magnus laughs, “Indeed. Last one to him buys ice cream!”

He hears Alec shout “Hey!” as he takes off running with a wide grin. Max must understand some of what he’s done because he starts laughing and shouting, “Go Ayah!”

Alec beats him by a millisecond but considering he started at a disadvantage it’s impressive and Magnus raises an eyebrow as Max delights in how fast they were running.

“It’s only a little race Alexander.” He says, voice a little lower.

Alec tips his chin, “I may be, just a little bit, competitive.”

Magnus presses his lips together to stop from laughing especially as Max makes an impatient huffing noise between them.

-

Eventually Max tires of the swings and joins in some elaborate game a group of children have going that seems to center around the slides. Magnus expects they’ll find a bench to keep an eye on him but Alec plops into a swing with a little hum.

They don’t say much to each other as they swing, but it’s lovely all the same. They move away when another family comes to the swingset, making room and grinning at each other. Alexander wraps an arm around him and they stand, watching Max and chatting quietly.

Alec tells him about  Found and how he’s hoping to be able to launch the service by the end of the quarter and Magnus stares at him.

“You’re a good man, Alexander.”

Alec blinks at him and shrugs, “I’m just trying to be better than my parents were. Lightwood & Co is one of the largest holding companies in the country but it has an awful past. There’s a lot for me to make up for. If I can use my position to help people and to make changes to some of the things my parents did it’s my responsibility to do it.”

Magnus kisses his cheek easily, “Exactly. A good man.”

Alec just shakes his head, “What about you? How long have you had the tea shop?”

“Just a tea shop? I’m offended.” Magnus keeps his tone playful enough and Alec just rolls his eyes, nudging him for the answer, “I opened  Pandemonium three years ago. Max and I were settled, I had savings and an idea. At first it was just a little online tea shop where I tried to promote information for anyone living in a bad situation, but then my...my father died.”

Magnus watches Max come down a slide, gathering himself for a moment. Alexander squeezes him closer.

“He never removed me from his will, I didn’t want the company and he didn’t leave it to me but, he left me a good deal of his personal wealth. I used some of it to open the shop and donated a lot of it to local shelters and organizations that I work with now. It’s been brick and mortar for two years now. I sell tea, curios, and a safe place. My home is on the third floor but the second is broken into several small suites that I allow people in immediate crisis to stay in. It’s not the type of place someone would look for them and I connect them with services and people who can get them away and get them legal aid.”

“If I’m a good man, you’re a great one Magnus. That’s an amazing thing to do.” Alec shifted so he could hold Magnus against his front, chin resting on his shoulder, “Hopefully I can help.”

“Help?” Magnus’ nose wrinkled, did Alec think Magnus expected his money or name?

Alec hummed, nosing at his jaw a little and Magnus realized his scent had probably sharpened with his uncertainty, “Only if you want. Izzy and Jace stopped by yesterday to ask you about your interest in being part of a community outreach program they pitched to me. Obviously they didn’t get to that when they saw you.”

Magnus relaxed at that, it wasn’t because of who he was, “That sounds like we need to have a business meeting. Isn’t that a conflict, Mr. Lightwood?”

Alec chuckled, his lips brushing Magnus’ cheek as he pressed their faces together, “It would be, except I’m not heading the project, I just signed off on the idea.”

Magnus promises to consider it but they move on from work easily. Alexander doesn’t let him go and Magnus leans into him happily as they watch Max and share stories of their own childhoods. Alec has far more of them, but his parents don’t factor into any of them and Magnus wonders if their lives were all that different.

“Anyways, Jace watched a bunch of stuff about Annie Oakley and begged for a BB gun, which he got because no one ever could tell him no. That was trouble enough, but he showed Izzy Annie’s trick of shooting cards and she thought it was the coolest thing she’d ever seen. They spent all afternoon practicing while I was studying and then they came to get me to show me, but Izzy’s always been….a force of nature and Jace is reckless. They thought it would be the height of spectacle for Jace to throw the card  in front of me and Izzy would shoot it out of the air.”

Magnus gasps at the story, “They didn’t.”

Alec nods seriously, chin bobbing against Magnus’ shoulder, “They did. I was sort of proud because Izzy  did put a hole straight through the middle, but my eyebrow was on the other side. I knew I was fine but I let them panic a little at all the blood because I thought they might learn their lesson that way.”

“And did they?” Magnus leans to look at Alec’s amused expression.

“Yes and no. Izzy’s an expert marksman, she keeps her carry license up to date and Jace refuses to even touch a paintball gun without a full safety check for everyone involved. He was an EMT for a couple of years too.”

“So they figured the lesson was to get better at it, not stop?”

Alec makes a face, “Yeah. Family trait I’m afraid.”

Magnus thinks about every time he was caught sneaking out and all the loopholes he exploited in his father’s rules and sighs.

“Max is going to be a terror one day, he gets it from both sides.”

“Oh?”

Magnus laughs, watching their son help a younger boy down the slide, “You met me in a questionable club in Jakarta. I told you I’d snuck out of my house for the night and you made me show you my ID to prove I wasn’t underage. Between the two of us I think you have more of the good streak.”

Alec makes a mock affronted noise and then he whispers, “I put a baby in you that night Magnus.”

It shouldn’t be hot, but Alec’s voice is warm and deep and Magnus can feel the slow curl of desire in his belly. Alec skims his nose along his throat, breathing in deep and Magnus flushes when he realizes Alec can smell his interest.

“We are at a  park for fuck’s sake.”

Alec kisses his cheek and backs off, “You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m not usually so uh...forward.”

“Just me?”

“Yes.” Alec laughs, “Well and being around you has burned through the suppressant I was due to renew next week. I’ve not been off of them in years and it’s a bit...intense.”

Magnus takes that in, Alexander is probably hyper aware of his scent right now, even more because of Max. Alpha’s are often more sensitive to their partner’s, mate or not, with a new child around and since Max is new for Alec it has to be triggering some things.

“You said there’d been no one else?” Magnus steps away from his grasp, they need to be looking at each other to talk like this, but he tangles their fingers together.

“No, I-” Alexander takes a deep breath, “I couldn’t stomach the thought, no one else smelled right. I tried to move on but I had one rut and it was difficult so I didn’t...I never tried. I didn’t want to, honestly.”

Magnus squeezes his fingers, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I wasn’t much for romance in the first place, I’d only gone on a handful of dates before you, had one ill-fated relationship, if you could really call it that. I missed you more than I wanted to find someone else.” He looks away, tracking Max and Magnus studies him for a moment.

Alec is content but there’s a fading distress in his scent and Magnus gets the impression the rut he went through was more than just difficult.

“I dated a few people, after I had Max.” He offers and Alec glances at him, carefully neutral, “Some of them were lovely but none of them fit, most of them never even got to meet him. One of them stayed something of a friend for a little while, so he did, but we drifted apart, as friends do. He met one of the others but he didn’t like her and happily tried to kick her out of the house. He was three.”

Alec laughs at that, “Did he tell you why?”

Magnus bites his lip and nods, “He told her she was very pretty but not very nice and that she should leave because she was just making me sad. I might have tried to salvage it but Camille thought I was in the kitchen and told him to keep his “bastard little mouth shut” so I let Max see her out.”

Alec’s jaw clenches hard and Magnus winces, he should’ve probably cut that part out.

“Well, if she ever comes near you again I’ll do the honors this time.” Alec’s voice is steady but there’s a thread of protective, righteous anger in the way he smells and it makes something in Magnus endlessly pleased.

“Ayah!” Max interrupts them, dashing toward them with something in his little hands, “Daddy!”

They both kneel down so he can show them and he opens his hands to reveal a pretty little blue stone, “That girl gave it to me, she said I was really nice and blue was a nice color!” He points to a little girl with brown curls and a red bow who waves at them with a big smile.

“That’s great Max! Did you tell her thank you?” Magnus checks. His son might be destined to be a hellion, but he’ll be a hellion who minds his manners if Magnus can manage it.

“Yes! I told her she could have tea someday too.”

Alec carefully helps Max tuck the stone in his pocket and Magnus nods, “If an adult brings her to the shop I’ll make sure she gets some. Now, how about you, me, and daddy go for some ice cream?”

Max lights up and shouts a happy goodbye to the other kids, some of them wave but most are enthralled with their game.

-

Max picks all three of their flavors in the end and Alec and Magnus have to discreetly swap cones when he’s distracted. Magnus likes cookie dough much better than the bright blue cotton candy that Alec is happily eating and he makes a face.

“I don’t like the dough chunks.” Alec mumbles, hurrying to catch a drip with his tongue, “They’re too sugary.”

Magnus just looks from him to the vibrant blue treat and Alec shrugs. He’s ridiculous and Magnus should not like it as much as he does, but he does. They’re sitting at a metal table with a big umbrella overhead outside the ice cream shop and the breeze is nice.

Max himself has mint chip and is cheerfully licking away, looking far too cute as his feet kick where they don’t touch the ground. His wavy hair is a mess from all his play and sitting beside Alexander, both of them catching stray melting drops no one could deny they’re relation.

“Oh!” Alec fumbles for his phone, “Magnus could you take a picture of us, I promised I’d send one to Izzy.”

Magnus grins, navigating Alec’s phone with one hand so he can get the camera pulled up, “Smile!”

Max looks up with a big toothy grin but Alec huffs, “Meant like a selfie of all of us, I’m terrible at them and my fingers are sticky.”

Magnus blinks and then he’s grinning and shuffling his chair so he can get all of them and their ice cream cones, aware that Alec can probably smell how fucking happy he is.

He takes a couple and turns to look at Alec, Max focused on his cone again, “That good?”

“One more.” Alec says and then he’s leaning across the table, sticky blue lips meeting Magnus’ and he snaps a photo before shifting to kiss Alec a little better.

Chapter 2

 Max resists the pull of sleep until late. He’s pouting adorably between sleepy little blinks by the time he’s too tired to protest Magnus putting him to bed and Alec can’t stop smiling at the sight. He joins them in Max’s bedroom, the space awash with blue’s and soft things, stars painted across the ceiling. The child-sweet scent of him is heavy here, the bright blueberry curl of his contentment makes Alec relax further.

 His little boy is well loved, not that he expected anything else of Magnus. He sits on the edge of Max’s little bed and tucks the blankets close around him as Magnus gently strokes his cheek, singing a lullaby. Alec doesn’t speak the language, but he hums along. Max falls asleep easily, his little mouth open for his heavy breaths and his hand curled loosely beside Magnus’ wrist.

 They sit companionably, just ensuring that Max is really out, for a while. Eventually they pull themselves away from the boy, quietly shutting the door and heading for the living room.

 Magnus tugs Alec to sit beside him on the couch with a little smile and they stay close.

 “Thank you.”

 Alec’s brows draw together and he smiles, bemused, “What for?”

 Magnus smiles back, a slow, sleepy thing, “Spending today with us. It was lovely.”

 “Magnus...of course. I want to spend plenty more days like this. My schedule has definitely been cleared for this week so if it’s alright I’d like to be here?” He traces the tips of his fingers over the back of Magnus’ hand.

 Easily tangling their fingers together Magnus hums and his warm sleepy sandalwood scent gains a hint of sharpness, “ I’m glad you want to but...not everyday.”

 Alec can’t help the way he tenses but he refuses to jump to conclusions, they’ve wasted enough time, “Okay? If I’m going to be in the way or anything, please, tell me.”

 Magnus shakes his head with a rueful twist to his lips, “No such thing, I’d love having you in my way. I just...I know last night we talked about wanting more, wanting to be mates,” he takes a breath, “and I do want that but I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. It feels so perfect right now, being with you, but we don’t really know each other as well as we should if we’re going to take that kind of step. We’ve not had to juggle our work, our relationship, and our son. I think we need to give ourselves the space to do this properly, not rush into things together because we missed our first chance. That could ruin us again.”

 Alec blinks but listens. Magnus is right, they need to do this right. They don’t have to be cautious but they do need to give themselves some time to learn about each other, about annoying habits and tender spots. Magnus has never seen him on a three day work and worry streak, he doesn’t know Magnus’ vices or his working habits.

 “I think that sounds like wisdom speaking. So I know another thing now, I know you’re wise.”

 Magnus laughs and the sharpness in his scent fades, the warmth of them together burrowing into Alec’s chest.

 “You are definitely never allowed to have tea with Ragnor, he would do his best to dissuade you of that.” Magnus winks.

 “I agree with you about not rushing into things but...why not spend the week together? Maybe not every night, but the days?” Alec is careful to make it clear he’s only curious.

 “Aside from how likely it is we would overwhelm each other a bit? Max. He’s always wanted a Daddy and you’re so good with him but I worry that if you’re here so much and then not when you go back to work he’ll be hurt by it. I just, I don’t want to do anything to make him think he can’t be exactly himself around you or that you might not be staying in his life.” Magnus’ free hand twists in the air as he talks, nervous.

 Alec sighs and leans a little more firmly against Magnus.

 “I don’t want to make him think anything like that. I want to do right by both of you. What do you think about every other day? Maybe?”

 Magnus relaxes against him, “I think that would be perfect, and I think that I’m going to text you enough on the days you aren’t here you won’t even miss us.”

 Alec presses a kiss to his temple and says, low, “I’d miss you if you were in the next room, I’ve missed you for years.”

 He      doesn’t     miss the way that Magnus’ cheeks are a little pink as he twists to press a kiss to Alec’s mouth. It’s soft and easy, just lips dragging together, but it’s perfect.

 It also reminds Alec of his potential gift.

 They part and he shifts to more comfortably face Magnus, “I wanted to ask-and I won’t mind if you don’t want it right now, or at all-” Magnus looks curious, “If it was okay if I left you with something of mine for your nest?”

 Magnus’s eyes flicker over him and Alec worries he’s overstepped, but then a soft, surprised smile touches Magnus’ mouth.

 “I know I just said we should feel things out but I-” Magnus lifts his chin, unconscious but enough to draw Alec’s attention to his bare throat, “-find that I want your scent around me too much to say no. I would love for you to bring something for my nest.”

 Alec glances down with a little smile, “Well...I thought I could give you my shirt. I’m wearing a second layer, Izzy said that it would be better for me to wear what I wanted to give you, so my scent was stronger. I thought um, I could trade it out when it starts to fade.”

 Magnus touches the backs of his fingers, rings cool, to Alec’s cheek. His lovely eyes have gone the color of melted caramel with affection and Alec has to drag a breath in through his mouth at his scent, all surprised delight.

 “Please.” Magnus nods, “That would be wonderful.”

 Alec tugs his plain t-shirt off, the simple undershirt he’s wearing sticking to it for a moment before he separates them. He holds the shirt out to Magnus and has to repress a laugh when he realizes how dazed he looks.

 “Magnus?”

 “Mmm?” Magnus blinks, looking away from his torso only to stop at his now exposed arms and Alec does start laughing then.

 “See something nice?”

 Magnus takes the shirt and holds it up to his face, pointedly looking at Alec as he inhales slowly, lips curling up. Alec swallows hard at the obvious display.

 “More than nice. You are going to test my self-control, Alexander.”

 The noise that catches in Alec’s throat is half-laugh, half alpha want and he watches Magnus’ pupils dilate. Their scents grow spiced and heavy between them, enough that Alec can almost pick his own pine-sharp arousal from Magnus’.

 Magnus’ tongue darts out to wet his lips and Alec sways momentarily closer, before he catches himself. He leans away and watches Magnus blink, face falling a little.

 “As badly as I want to kiss you, I think we both need a second.”

 Expression clearing, Magnus rolls his eyes, “We are being a bit ridiculous.” He pats the shirt now in his lap, “I’m going to put this where it belongs and then we are going to say goodnight like perfectly reasonable adults.”

 They grin at each other and if Alec lets his gaze linger on Magnus’ butt when he walks away, well…

 -

 Jace calls Alec a workaholic approximately once a day. Normally Alec just scoffs at him but considering how his day off and apart from Magnus goes, he’s worried his brother is right.

 He manages to sleep, though it might have something to do with the way Magnus’ happy scent is stuck to the jacket he drapes over his pillow. He wakes a little later than usual and tries to drag out his morning routine.

 By the time he’s sitting at the table that he only owns for nights when his siblings and their mates come over, he’s listless. He swirls his coffee a little, the syrup he uses already well mixed in. After staring a little longer he decides he’s allowed a treat and goes for the whipped cream.

 He sprays it into his cup and raises it to take a sip, only to stop.

 For six years he’s accompanied his coffee with a quiet wish for Magnus’ joy, with a little push for the universe to be gentle to the omega he’d loved and lost. The thought of not doing so leaves him bereft.

 Alec tugs his phone toward him and snaps a picture of his coffee, the tower of whipped cream leaning a little to the side. He sends it to Magnus with a little sunrise emoji.

     Alec 8:06a  

     Here’s a secret about me, take it to your grave… I love whipped cream.  

 He sets his phone back down and licks at the cream to keep it from making a mess. He stares at the table with a little frown and thinks:      I hope Magnus has a good day, I hope the world is kind to him still. I hope Max smiles.  

 -

 He makes it until almost three before he gives in. Max has been quietly drawing for an hour and the store has lulled after their lunch rush. No one is currently in need of Magnus and the number of texts he’s received from Alec assure him that the other man is      not    busy.

 As he thinks it he gets another picture. This time it’s of a grumpy looking cat sleeping in a patch of sunlight. Based on the last photos, he’s fairly certain it’s Alec’ living room floor.

     Magnus 2:47p  

     You have a cat?  

     Alec 2:47p  

     I might. Church (him) would argue that I am a trespasser in his house. He’s technically a registered therapy animal but he’s so grumpy his last owner gave him up.  

     Magnus 2:48p  

     Does he like other cats?  

     Alec 2:48p  

     I think so? Clary brought a kitten over once when she was volunteering at a shelter, Church seemed to like it. Why, did you have a cat hidden somewhere?  

     Magnus 2:48p  

     There’s a few cats that make their rounds here and I was thinking about getting a kitten for Max’s birthday.  

     Alec 2:49p  

     Oh?  

     Magnus 2:49p  

     It may, just a tiny bit, possibly, be because I want a kitten very badly.  

 Bubbles appear to indicate Alec is typing and Magnus decides that he is definitely not too busy for a call. He moves toward the little couch where Max is drawing, hits the button to video call, and waits with a little smile.

 The call connects and Alec’s messy hair and warm smile fill the screen. His eyes are bright and he appears to have leaned his phone against something because he’s sitting so he can rest his chin on his folded arms.

 “Hello, gorgeous.” Magnus is helpless to the way he grins as he greets Alec.

 “      Hey.”    Alec hides his mouth in his arms but the gleam in his eyes tells Magnus how pleased he is. He doesn’t get to say anything more though, because the sound of Alec’s voice draws Max’s notice.

 “Daddy?” The little boy leans into Magnus’ space, hands braced on his leg as he cranes his head to see the screen.

 Magnus laughs as Alec lights up even more, he is just too much looking so delighted, and holds the phone so Max can climb into his lap. The little boy hesitates, grabs the paper he was working on, and then gets situated.

     “Hey little bat, what’s that?”  

 Max smooths the paper out, shy for a moment and then turns it over to examine it. Magnus’ heart clenches when he sees the art his son has been working on. It’s the three of them, clearly, but they all have butterfly wings. Magnus’ are red and gold, Alec’s are blue and black, while Max’s are all four colors. His son is still staring at his drawing.

     “You don’t have to show me, if you don’t want to.”    Alec says it so very gently and Magnus gives Max a little squeeze of encouragement.

 “Here.” Max holds the paper up and Magnus watches the way it affects Alexander. His eyes widen a fraction and his jaw loosens as he takes in the full picture. When he speaks again he has to clear his throat and his eyes are wet.

     “That’s really great Max. Our wings are really cool.”  

 “Mine are like yours and Ayah’s, because I’m made of both of you.”

 Magnus has to press a kiss to Max’s hair, working not to let the arm holding his phone out tremble.

     “That’s right.”    Alec does well at covering for Max, but Magnus can hear how hard he has to work to keep his voice steady.

 “I’ll put it somewhere safe so Daddy can see it when he comes over tomorrow, okay?” Magnus says and Max nods, his shyness fading under his parent’s love.

 He starts chattering easily enough, asking Alec all about what he’s doing and getting very excited when Alec turns the phone so they can see Church, blinking blearily at them. Magnus doesn’t get to say nearly as much as he wants to before the sound of the singing bowl calls him away, but he leaves his phone with Max.

 The sound of his son laughing with Alexander carries him through the rest of his day.

 -

 Alec is laying draped over the couch, head in Magnus’ lap. It’s their last day together before Alec has to go back to work and Max has done his best to wear them out. They’d spent hours playing games and taking turns playing villains to Max’s dramatic, magic, hero. He’d been just as exhausted by early evening and they’d read to him together until he’d drifted off curled into Alec’s side.

 “You know, I almost had a younger brother named Max.”

 Magnus hums, “Almost?”

 Alec shifts, glancing up at him, “He didn’t make it. My mother was different then, a little. She was warmer toward Izzy and Jace at least, but I think losing a baby when she did really took a toll. She learned my father was cheating on her a month or so before and there was a lot going on with the company. I think she sort of blamed everyone around her when it happened, the stress trying to balance personal drama and professional issues caused. She and I... when I was sixteen, just before she found out she was pregnant, I told her I was gay. It didn’t go well, so things were already rocky between us.”

 Magnus just listens, carding a hand slowly through Alexander’s hair.

 “I guess, when you said his name was Max, I thought it was fitting. In a way it was like another person I lost coming back to me.” Alec frowns, “That sounds like I’m saying...I don’t think of him as a replace for anyone, he’s      ours    and he’s amazing but it, it means a lot to me that they share a name.”

 Magnus sighs, he doesn’t know how to put it into words either, but he understands what Alec is trying to say. He rubs his thumb over one of Alexander’s heavy brows.

 “I’m glad too. It’s like I gave him a little of you without knowing.”

 Alec’s expression eases and he smiles softly, “Yeah.”

 They lapse into quiet again, Magnus trailing touches down Alec’s neck slowly, admiring the man as he relaxes. They let go of the weight of heavy thoughts as they just breathe together.

 Quite by accident Magnus fingernails catch on a slow downward drag and Alec sucks in a breath. The scent of serene alpha takes on a spicy edge, the faintest touch of crushed pine.

 Magnus swallows and more deliberately runs the edges of his painted nails behind Alexander’s ear.

 “Magnus-” Alec’s voice is heavy, warning.

 He presses a little harder, mesmerized as he fills his lungs with the growing smell of Alec’s desire. In a moment Alexander has moved.

 He’s sitting up, hands gently wrapping around Magnus’ wrists as he leans in, brushing his nose up the column of Magnus’ throat, his breath warm as his ghosts over his pulse. The heat in the room rises, their scents blooming with want.

 “Magnus.” Alec whispers the word, the quietness of it doing nothing to hide the desire in it.

 Magnus tips his head to the side and gasps at the drag of lips as Alec leaves a line of kisses over his skin until their mouths meet. Alec releases his caught hands and Magnus winds fingers into dark hair, leans into the wide spread of Alec’s fingers as he cradles the omega’s face.

 Alec gives into his hungry mouth as Magnus presses into him, insistent and needing. The scent and taste that fills his senses is overwhelming, it’s everything he’s been missing for      so    long and he refuses to pull away. Alec makes a low sound in his throat, vibrating in his chest for a moment with the edge of alpha that makes ancient biology in Magnus desperate.

 The large, hot hands that cupped his face so tenderly grip his hips firmly. Magnus couldn’t say which of them initiates the move, but they’re both pulled along by the tide of shared lust, and he’s pulled fully into Alec’s lap.

 He makes a noise of his own, something he’s never heard from himself outside of his worst heats, and Alec surges against him with a low moan. Magnus thinks he could burn to ash under Alexander’s touch, thinks it’d be a sweet way to go and then Alec guides him through a roll of his hips and he doesn’t think much at all.

 They don’t part from one another’s mouth except to gasp as they allow friction to build between them. It’s torment to not be bare against one another but stopping long enough to remove anything would be intolerable and definitely not necessary.

 Alec shudders and jerks hard against Magnus, even as the omega let’s out an overwhelmed groan and they finally slow.

 Foreheads pressed together, they both pant until Alec chuckles breathlessly.

 “Something-” Magnus swallows, “-Something funny?”

 Alec just laughs again and Magnus is helpless against it, joining in despite the uncomfortable dampness in his pants.

 “We are so good at taking this slow.” Alec half-laughs out.

 Magnus smacks at his arm, “Maybe if you didn’t smell      amazing    and taste even better we’d have a chance?”

 There’s more than just exertion coloring Alec’s cheeks but he pulls back with his eyebrows raised, “Me? What am I supposed to do with you right in front of me, all-” he trails off, letting go of Magnus’ hip to gesture.

 “You just indicated all of me.”

 “Exactly.”

 Magnus leans forward to smack a kiss to his lips, ignoring the huff of laughter it earns him. He shifts back quickly though, grimacing.

 “Need to borrow some pants?”

 Alec shifts and cringes, “Underwear, at least. God, we really just      did    that.”

 With as regal a shrug as he can manage, Magnus gingerly slides off of Alec, “I don’t have any regrets.”

 He’s trying for an airy sort of tease but he can’t help the little niggle of worry. He knows Alec is still adjusting to the sudden burn-out of his suppressant, mild as the effects can be, and they did agree to do things right this time. Alexander may not have much practice, but he’s already good at knowing when to reassure it seems.

 “I could never regret you.” He smiles, like he hasn’t just made another breath-stealing declaration, “Getting carried away with you has, to date, only resulted in the best things.”

 Magnus doesn’t have a defense for that, nor the way that Alec wears his every feeling on his sleeve when they’re together. He’s gotten the impression, from the few texts he’s exchanged with Isabelle, that Alexander Lightwood is a stoic, unreadable professional and often taciturn, even in private. None of that holds true when they’re together though, any of it melts after minutes together and Magnus secretly hopes Alec never stops letting all his walls down so easily around him.

 “Pants.” Magnus says, instead of voicing any of the swirling joys and worries.

 “Pants.” Alec agrees with a silly little wiggle of his hips and an exaggerated face.

 He means to go grab them, maybe make them something to drink, and start the enjoyable process of telling Alexander goodnight, but he stops after only a few steps.

 “Stay tonight?”

 Alec looks surprised, then pleased and he stands, “If you don’t mind that I’ll need to be up early?”

 “I’ll text Isabelle to bring you clothes and feed Church if you need, but no, I don’t mind. Max will probably be up with the sun after his early night anyway.”

 Alec follows him into his bedroom, politely waiting for Magnus to bring them pants to sleep in. Magnus had told him that he’d made his nest inside the large walk-in closet because it was a safely enclosed space and Alec had been conscientious of it every time he’d been in the bedroom.

 “If you text Izzy, because she definitely won’t ask so many terrible questions if it’s you, I can probably stay long enough to help get Max ready for the day.” Alec tells him, stripping out of his pants even as Magnus chokes a little.

 “That would be wonderful, darling.”

 “I want to be his parent for more than just the fun parts.”

 Magnus wonders how many times his heart can take Alec’s sweetness before it just leaps out of his chest and into the man’s hands.

 “I know. I want that too. Spend the morning with us if you can manage and, well, once you know what work looks like tell me and we can,” He tries to hide the twist in his stomach at the thought of Alec’s real life taking him away, “we can figure it out.”

 Alec looks at him seriously, “Magnus. I am going to make time for you and Max. I have never even taken a sick day, not even for ruts since I’ve been suppressing them, and you can ask anyone, I have a dire need for a social life. The company won’t fall apart if I actually take time to live      my    life. Even if it would, I'd figure it out to give us the time and effort we deserve.”

 “Alexander…” Magnus can feel wetness gathering, “Thank you. I will do my best to put as much effort into this, but we really have to go to bed now.”

 “Tired?” Alec sounds concerned and Magnus laughs.

 “Yes, darling, but mostly I’m afraid if we don’t get to sleep you’ll keep being absolutely exceptional and sweet and I’ll be overcome.”

 Alexander looks delighted by that, “I’m just being honest.”

 Magnus tries to glare, but the way he keeps smiling ruins it, “That is precisely what I mean.”

 Alec raises his hands in mock surrender as Magnus finally gets changed and slides into bed beside him, but he figures if that’s the only problem they have for the moment it’s well worth it.

Part Three

[writtenbyleon]

her.

ive never been the type to crush easy.

it takes time, for me. i have to know her. i have to know what she likes, what she spends her time doing, how she treats others, her mannerisms. to me, falling in love isn't as simple as an idealistic "love at first sight". it's a process. a process that continues to surprise me, despite the fact that i'm not exactly experienced in it. it tears me apart, builds me anew, and despite what it leaves me with, i'm always thankful for it.

and yet, despite all this, is her. everything she is goes against what i look for. and yet, i've never felt so utterly helpless, captivated, and at someone's mercy than when i'm in front of or around her. the easy-going, laidback charm i have diffuses into a pile of nervous mush, and words fail me completely. in effect, she renders me completely speechless.

and i can't help but love that about her. she's everything. she's confident. she knows how devastatingly beautiful she is, and she owns it. she owns it better than anyone ever could.

[write-4-sore-eyes]

Lost at sea

We ebbed and flowed, together, within life's vast sea,

thinking I found eternal solace, united, you and me;

But waves once so high, then crashed, fierce and completely broken,

tearing apart our love, leaving countless words and pleas unspoken.

He was my whole entire ocean, always endless, kind, and deep,

forever felt too short, for my heart was his eternally to keep;

But when the storms finally came, he went and turned away,

the only love I knew of, leaving me to face the fray.

I thought we would be able to fight it and weather every storm,

build a life together and always keep each other warm;

Though, when I needed him the most, he simply wouldn't stay,

and so as painful as it was, I left to find my own way.

For so long we cared and loved, wholeheartedly and equally, 

showed up for every moment, from graduations to surgeries; 

The only one I wanted to grow old with and spend my whole life, 

be the mother of his children, knowing he wanted me as his wife.

Seven years of the tide, for years rising consistently high,

swept away in an instant, beneath a starless sky;

The best friend I ever had, our hearts were always true,

it was in his loving eyes, that I saw myself anew.

While submerged in sorrow, a twist, the dagger painful and deep,

he found solace in one I entrusted, his heart now hers to keep;

Together they sail through life conjointly, both so happy and so free,

I am left deserted in my solitude, drowning unattended out at sea.

I have loved others since, unrequited but still moving on,

in my sleepless nights, he's never been truly gone;

For when I wake with sobs of panic, all alone in the dark,

even now it's his arms I reach for, now finding the silence stark.

I carry on with my life, drifting with a heart forever sore,

knowing it’s impossible to be who we were before;

For he was the love of my life, my everything, it's sad but it's still true,

I am left to face this infinite ocean, always eternally blue.

[libidomechanica]

Untitled Composition # 11453

A sonnet sequence

               I

Had heed of which to conceit of my face. There mething maid. Why did he begin now wherewithall away. But tell. That should string leaves drooping whom, could be closer? As show so yellow leave me here ever beauteous to spirit’s. Than a cycle of this pomp to cry aloud friend; but fear. And face is meete: a chapelet on a moment her so when you like tranqullitie, witnesse called thence came to sing’ or Regent, whose loved in glory, and the wintry world, to fall; that thou, to-day, to stay, and wiser than you open first prepare thee, hold on fire, of herbes or wanted, upon the brink?

               II

And ever worth into this fair face, I espye: the bliss assured of silverly around ears, which theyr sheepe, such things that fine began to wearing o’er have you because ye hae them burn to the young Jessie, while the deep into them all its wings and wanton Nimph for her! And see but one of heart;—as I have gassed all times with head she just light; Thus on it anew reviving world is discreet at all: in vain. By the interpret when his excus’d I to the many a sounds of me why I send you that old Susan will not show farwell she prayer he shadow of a ready as my stept.

               III

We deem’d a seconds whom you, we have relish in us had escapes, we mought me temperate: rough your hours of thee with Wisdom wafted; the owlets builds up a glasse passed the pype to a shrilled towns, to brings are at a glasse: all as the unders black and of such ivory. But little canst the lowly bending at the heap’d with meagre, bare sheepe the sad distress overwhelm surmise? Beating, and moan all ruby red, cheeks like a vice: had she close alone could race with thee ioy of this, leaving, in narrow for my voice’s sink that dim apart in gastful groue most what hath was done. Me, day by day presence forth, and the osier-isle we the winds, and what is sometimes long past; to show your dreamed you. Among there vnprouided, leaving house’s latch there were thousand though mochell worse, a woman but glimpses of praises in hall, doth my great deep being crag, and now, perhaps a thousand gummy francke?

               IV

Thus fixed to Dian? Reaping vp waues, pampred in high fane? Beside the temple of great deepe, they always when all the golden quill, and Betty’s still at Susan groans redouble: ev’ry nymph mourn to, light, a little canst do though the drew, then to deare. Old Algrin, his chinne. I should be closed to this english homely hands, in tender prest peona guiding. Fluttering of thine day light holds her excellence, all pleasure filled by his most auaile. Visitor: I am gone in that regions? Was on an infant Orpheus, in Johnny! Around its good will, even and forgot how, upon days?

               V

Now she none, then thus I leaven, and adore and wonder midnight deathbell run, catch the sayncts, which it shall be; thou doest prepared, she shuddering wings indigest such set the price of love my life’s fickle times we look, the breeze that left me, and vale, that smell, yet neare the best. The meadows of the day, and his brethren were, that comes, but with a squalid savage—what beat about our own at Keswick, and his legs, and nurse; and of S. The owlets purr, and with the dore stars dart that well for thorn; no leave the moments are while, that not, happy herself she choice virtue’s image, that play still she knelt, with a single break for pale enchantment the stoppeth the gold; that bless to be free from the edges left behind a blank as a fresh spring, hear us, greatly drawn, sees full many send: for conversation to her? To equally like a sounded in the wife, the nuptial room, imprison doors!

               VI

I, being, he hunts here be any dove. Let the tear their voices of his yerely some iouisaunce? Will be but an ancient kindness now, if you go ahead, go on, go on back, she could devise some folk of hot and Johnny’s lips drinking ill prevail? Done other, ’tis no prize, the intelligence, fetter does deserve you can. With wings of the golden chat, and mute than they walke another wrist is frozen, o Tinkler Maidgie was bonie white-flowery nest. If it thee thriue: neuer knewe I loue to skye, that airy train you with his bed of the day, ye wadna gie a button for ever!

               VII

When laboured by therein did it would spared, buttress’d me to the many subtle canst not walking, as signe of him, seems to begins to this nightly pats the day care tongue fault above thy quill and tell the leaf, that blaze flattering rose And now she’s woo’d, up-follow when as the charms, they shoulden days? That never found; which I should shew that heaven fall, they fed nothing throbb’d no long Excursion of one of love me, and beauty brings because Give me bounteous story. To gathering be, and the Doctor, to clarion, hyena foemen, and here are thee: the river, are locke, thy dove with Magic-mighty wind out its voice calls me that somedele their veil I saw a crow to-whoo, to-whoo, and sorrows flower! Thy beauties the hardly for the door. Which now she’s gallop on a newe misse. Nobody turned their voice did roll the Muses well knowe, chaunced to the dreary mountain-height.

               VIII

The wheel in prison: My genitals have crush, but in the long again.—Knowing known, even that joint: she sigh’d there let us kiss and times, where dwell. His quicker sike a paragon. Untimely woe, bethinks no moe the one for that harmes had prest peona’s hands, your wished hence, and let us look at the ground ever be still cryes. They did; but nowe sithence calling like a tinted for Perigot is weary woe. Niggard, why dost thou didst implores in the peoples plunging along they huddled from wicked in happy Betty Foy! Be rather messenger, the waters of emotion is no drearily on barren woman said, but sing, well exprest, where for then though the dore still, not with the How; Giving a younger the foule least parts ere the vale because the dull and quiet, turtles passions were bow’d down twenty little to a shrewish thee, my name—lo, the flock or Shepherd-god.

               IX

Love, to go that I brought I must ridge, who touch holds the rich result of Time, they would every sheepe bene of all the Earth so sweet flows down herself she hies, but bind me a ring-dove for his forenoons and darke heart with mine own worthiness did Johnny’s but of shepheard, and at gaze upon the burden may floating schooled the children’s circled and cave, thee in star-flower, endymion: yet still grew brilliant, where. So she did spill. Not—thy soul on Cloe’s eyes forth fruit, and you canst not so well apayd? What’s sae proud of merrier bene ycladde it is frost witness to blame if it be at best.

               X

Scott, Rogers, Campbell, Moore, and how the chord of things have ever afternoon, a faint fare-thee-wells, and mine own again, and swete Eglantine, and with her Dame, and trust me, where the spot wherever and poor guide appear like louing bright, Betty���s questioning, waning, willing to understand—better he beaded-curtains: ’twas loneness bears alone within the same, this english home, and yours, with greene? Many a very chere.—By that hill of fraud and gourd; so deare the heauens high upon thy call me, is silence and draw, to leaves in folds her for him, like a hawk with vncalled out and so to behold!

               XI

Heart, with myne the major part musk or civet canst not serve it ran away; though Ioy her door, would shew that were to part of all have circled and vnkempt: there’s a moon is no prize, that which is very day and the found, darkness these my night. Then had their eyes forth her image, that nowe sike myrth now that we done, from his song and within, the feature forest brain, I shape me—ever remove, The bad me lovely Rose,—tell how to the artery of melody;—that searching: yes, with his wesand beautiful, unanswered Johnny’s lips asunder you’ve done each party? When he helpless foot; bronze glow.

               XII

The sun was a home, and two into the sunflower yet testifying restless resourse, rock’d me broke of the spider in peace hem to knock at me with vinegar and expire; so trembles the strongest languish. Her man, than if I fail beneath hath shut out, as he mountains and purging fire, that eternal, measure. It was on a hill, alas! Done, thoughtful still look on me. Me, had I been its bonds broken profit of beauty passion rules of superior sway, but that to reason; the raindrops in your eyes: so I will break footing, and open thy side by side, and the dreaming.

               XIII

Tripping dragons all his spirits. I wanna be your idiot boy. That liv’st but be they might badge is buried the blackbird in the rocks that euen in the one bridge. And hurl their famish’d by that inward glance: so kept walking in public place; sylent and splendour far to leese this poetry, at least a wise Kings, the flood of witch’s life, or well, they told men in the bridegroom was the door. Brightest haps that thou guess by the incessant by the elevator where either and to call back to straiten’d for the taperness, and there he was aye between my bundle neuer went, her would herds call.

               XIV

I drinking Stephen Hill; and while they would be needy whom I’ve describe your hand for love, and thus for the smile hold it! Perfect beauty take me. She was on thy chamber, and loued their face for jealous eye and roll the World is death. Of her Body chance: so happy chang’d to faintest inter-sections be his guided steps, till he’s bough,—an’ Charlie and Dreams be from what euer was whispers first workings on the tree, and winnow from above—devoid of thy fair the fairy trailer from the length of body. I, the mourning northern nightly have closed the town, their measure of hys foe. Then a hazard.

               XV

Let the figure was she none, she is, theyr wonted like as the forehead anither thee, when the watch the young maisters dead, on each his slipped palms each press’d there wast, and a lifetime. We can scarcely heart on fire: what moment’s a blur, a Film Fun laughing air. Lay you stand answering way down-sunken hours of toil releast, thou this woe, wherein I saw him blazing of that did silent Dead thy hapless fount of that love, who like a stay. Why so pantingly house, treat too he the ringing coming, by divine strokes the poet laureate, I told me too high content, the burdens, as mortal too.

               XVI

—For I will and choke on it must have cradle on whom your bodies in thousand aves to sprinkling with lewde lust, hardly he, for a lass wi’ the bought hauing, nought that gaue him from Phoebus light, and gied my blissfully bleeds, sweet than interpret where is no need of a babe your lakes and knucklebone. To—God known ye. Some home return’d, and daughter he sheep, a carefull vertue servile toil and all but death, and learnd euer I wil the porch of garment you lovers met here, she went at last the playd, it floure done, he lyes in her immortall will pay you hear thought uptook her ebon urn, younger.

               XVII

There glad exclaim, and gentle hath to mirke. And haunten rather heart on fire the tyrant- hater he sandy tracts, and he’s dozin, his pure so: it fills me with Tyranny could they cull time’s sweet retir’d; not cool’d by the arrow-straight ease; and send a fever long as men are will ease a bonie white, haunt us till break it shall be true a prosperity. In Proserpine, when went— poor Martha! Puzzled soul may hide theyr sheene: o happy states the silent, stept into hear what I shall I never have their measure: her Lord his Queene, then the shepe, hey ho the shape of love and still. I to rehearse.

               XVIII

I sung he dying, somewhere. When last she went, and let me such things, and wanne he was large a milking, to move across the harvest, well might nearer heart was to stir; and hollow leave thee I send you for many a dusty answer; feeling maisters noise; her lord it, and all thy fair the poore Sheepe, whose bright charge nibbled medowes my knees I pray you go?—An’ Charlie, he’s my days dragg’d down with that or fairest maid held her down by the wilderness, and yet not glide; all cates and casten to haue broake, but half an hour warmer Simpson did steade, and burn’d her wishes went! Will lay here; it haue speld.

               XIX

In her Nature farre am I from land. Can I but ran brightes, as the sheepe in golden hate what I would explanations’ airy sweet selfe didst breath, knows what shaken with lichens it is flatter enough she employes, but death. A year the wintry day and gazed-and gazd on her bed, till pluck; and, looking on death I boughes doest presumption brought: and thou in ioyes enioy. Proud of the edge of thing a flower! Than my selfe to me throughout your praise add someone mighty forest be, to do as diligent her tears. You are this sore thee as time; all love for me they lose to all stir they came.

               XX

A lamb did lye, doth leade, and scorch’d the World on fire: where let us called The Shah with softest sighs, my tears. And fate. Have as soon as swan sail away; if Susan said, as a lump upon life’s my darling, gaue repulse and dainty wits cradle on her side of graceless bridegroom came on, and a nose thou vnlucky Muses, is flatter thou art freedom and an ancient fills, and attendants; then no longer tarry transmuted, we swift motional importune be of the gray is me that do not, whence the merchances not stay: or Diggon, thanks to feede, that God wote, it be to stanck, ere I knew.

               XXI

Where the Western cloud. But let mine now at once more the Crown; a Star under there be a still and proscenium of herself above, because of two by harboring over the green fire, of her who love of dew: let my will easy thing on the breake more. Lulled adieus! A month at leade? As thine, other whom he is not with the bliss. The first-fruite thereof nought to the very well to feeling lyre upon the People’s wark, and fevered and sorrow, and fare the most wretch as ever. The argent reasons lin’d, ae limp’d trembling its close thee to move and yet I rise hearing to survive I forget me laughs, to keepeth close, a woodman in the daffodils, we slide. To wach and thee more bringing road! And keep one could see, why should not set. Last Christie soule, I shall I tell what wealth adieu; since the timbrels, and the monstrous debt. Adieu dear pony’s side, and bade him slayne. Slide out a strange things. Depth.

               XXII

Is strow my Muse, now haue speede him that’s free of green, and be the future Roman race, roll’d in musick holden honey cells, made fruitful tree, and the smart, in due the Lambe in love a Heaven above that nowe my Muse, now my Muse, down again, my love is a narrow range ministring, solved and hardly Death a Double eyes, genders blown sleet against his roundle of might his blown to every spot them all, that has his may be a sultan? That this, and after scoop’d lamp at that, is her wits are fills, where I’ve watch out like a ghostes to those for the sun, in a window’s bed, on all sweetest air.

               XXIII

The hart: dumbe Swans, not a motion. He could not hear their mind is death: one sight of cold I country fortune such a famished died for they han fattened by her senses backe, as Lordes doth Beauties that thou shalt do; first is no ghost, tis hard to liggen in its beauty shall dissemble, tracing, senses had a brook, and rekes much glory.— She took up the mountain’s sight once, and that had woven been, who came to thee, wilt thou wilt say, all the matter, lost forest peer, stood, hid from their fellow, and she was abhorrence all that vision with benefits unknowne the nurst, the shepheards doen lick.

               XXIV

Me first you set him whom we shall poor choice of my purpose heart my Life did set his dog hote to raunch they to find room with wide awake in its thorough winds: rain-scented eglantine, when you wi’ a hushion; her way he went, ere Music’s gold their secret, tell her empty flaggon by his beauty. It’s something reign, and laugh’d and here you for my vows, and win perhaps were lying, something, she sawe it, mediating betwixt his shack with so sweetness or move like vibration when thy galage once a while to Nature’s bequests with blind old dames of ioy, what dark nights, a sunnes sight with the mind?

               XXV

Seems all about, but she was often flye. It looks at, in love. By those sad expert. They needeth all saintest in the fragrance he fondness of you the through the woody dales of love when though many quiet hour of the blue yond Cosset for impression-— swung a slumbers mix my soul doth me that sitting the buffeting notes are idle, biological charms. Their skin, that woful, and blows her life through my love, among your from a fevered and prove that dreerie death sheepe, O shining with speede hem caren as they list: ygyrt with joined the stair, so deep in thy sweetly place, where too deep repose?

               XXVI

Had he liues shall beauty muster whereat, so the hyde that she heede and her head, and the seven day will go well as now at eased her quiet—dull fence could achieve no high romance. Be true in summer where; it has pour’d his snortings, without a wind blows scoped to the harp of Life, and stormy stour; ye geck at here, and rarest light, that did smil’d, and tippy-toe keeps uninvited in hast pyne, paying heate where the sun was she must value more. Did her in the world forests; while it will beleeue me, that fair hues, nor in the southwest side now, perhaps when soulless lambs unshorn, this song within few lives there, which I should love thee, turn to be Judge—by surest maid had swords would man, hawk, and he that wonder heele was large, while her body’s breast, three feed? All Kent can resist because no long legs of too wide, a woodman will live to let your goodlihead doe not else, now my Muse to be rock.

               XXVII

Which I should affords in pity—let myself I do, doing all night noise precipice: there pricke, say what could standing to disclose; so bad, the rough their shoes in tender eyes, ears, and vales: what avails they did them ought doth plaining delight; aye, thou thinkes you as a bee bustle, Betty, half there is, as if thy rymes with full of men recoil away; through time the chaunge the crescent of sums, yet still at Susan groans, the owls must the thou art blamed shall outlive and the side of teeming stremes old. He did steady view her find green, she drew, that locust blossom’d suddenly ashamed nation.

               XXVIII

Ask me why so too; insult the loud a silver taper, mute and thought, their death smother’s kiss impress’d, and soul to alight from the long. The piece imperial face, silent only; what the day, ye wadna been so alas a lad were wont light, where need your eyes in polish’d scrips. The pearls, each content, whatever with my mistres of woe, when last limits fair creature write, by a dismal knell! And only see stems a wild self, or so sorely puzzled at the stiffness be, and liken the pin; and to the him sighingly ’mong myrtles, white sticketh fascinations that self about my head.

               XXIX

Thus piteous news so much grace where’er I look at the King’ or Regent, when them dance. Yet for it; smiling linnet its novel forced, mought of sighs, my tears to sip; sweet, the best do knows, when love’s elysium. For I had stay that, whose voice slow poison long past; to show, yet I bare will stay; you live or binde; the one, whom you set him whom Ida hyllye placed a wrong; saying, Dost thou my heart goes to devise some returne, star-shaped, that needes be vnfedde. Like to both my bane. What should draw, to length, to heare, beneath her eye; eye, to see a little, whose million mixed, proclaimed through the silver bugle-horn.

               XXX

My cousin? And hunger tips; and my coloured your while in temperately grew worse I hope than all admires such, as now at ease; and years over the thonder, thoughts there his travel’s store of the glitter wroughted, closer? I can sustain her hard bright down at the rest. All roundle neuer heart made greatly, knowing hand that we have a home and fare the magic cured. What fall for his horse-man ghost, since that I in heavens endure, the child it stand upon the Dame: and birds sang sweet more, the sun in all misgouernement, and spread grey. Me, Heaven that did glide, hey ho gray mock me, and fever.

               XXXI

Like a bright is only in heaven, that fall a princes if it should be dead: the Musky Locksley Hall, without a purse, o ioyfull verse that darkness. I say, There late reviving from a tale Arabian. On knees he storm his towery band to complexion dimm’d; but with a million poesy, glorious chatted to seize; she was so great mone. Now signal: O, she’s gallop on for senses all, to love was that aged crone not forget me tell but here sware; nay, I am blowing and gracelet made drunken wing, nowe with his worst. Noons of my hands and walking, so innocent, stept.

               XXXII

Such a sad quandary; and make room with them very joy. For dead. The yate fast, there in thou doest me tell threde so soft in the sun by them dying. Now wasted: the fiery cares; but twas begotten hands;—for love together for heavenly to thin a dreme. That Angela the offering brain, no screams—she hers heritaunce: all aske. To warm their fond love before than the world, and I could not predict that same fixed to Rosalind complayne, much grace, beauty moves dark: quickly on ground remarked scope and want, the west, not complexion’d spirits, and vain the shepecote, and should artless Jeanie to me?

               XXXIII

I cannot find but as they loue of wit? And most Rabbis Jewish into thee, and deepe, their belov’d repose, or amber plan; i’ll crowd of shepeheardes liue, ah why liue we steps slow but half-hidden pride like vibration felt before going together his brayne, lest she herse, the know, full of light of May strewed flocke the brere: and Kiddie be ruld by me where they had fix’d, as Argus was, that, woman was aye between two little breathing sich. And the eternal spring blade of gravity, which I thence. Body of my care I. To this way between the travelling sea of weary woe.

               XXXIV

That locust blossomes of dore, an Eagle sored hye, that creatures! Brings to forstall men that could’st they clasp my coffee hot let myself, or pain? Time passions awake in its gold that eternal, nor walk from the hill. Drain not when thou him ken yode for joy he call, or forbids; yet the venom, that ancient Beadsman heard clymbers mix my sighs which he shown; so, in the city by that moments? And Betty’s stile and grown, as the gay, in truth it a toga or a wren lightly blunder’d still. At glaring their father fast. And, truly round again. Of dolphins bob their pattering pleasure, lo!

               XXXV

’Twas even now flocke the fair, at kirk or make in early now he shadows, woods and child, and a couch as dared the bridle too, with your promises and Stella, in water wrong emprison’d absence out of joints, I reuerence fine in tender voice’s sinkings; yea, glad sighed, she supplied, all those above those were chance: so thereto will believe: which its opposition bear, yet here, rounde, to feelings and means this kindly must remembered there is no moe the night what no fault the self-contemplating, and fashion my scorn, sank in age appeared to me: the black, the city. And plunder’d, no breeze.

               XXXVI

Tears, and silent sea, dragging huge chain often is true. From the which is the low starlight. Sacred ditamy, and all be one hand; for they were suddenly, she uttering stay, ere Music’s kiss out-grown of your marvelousness. Man impassion to the shepeheards between syl-lables! There war and young Desire! Cell, far off, something of thee, is silence, all order of the Ayr; but, ere Phebe laye, and with day with display they loue to so base a bonie green, that dullard fit?—The heir out-peeping to be identified by art’s the fertile eache of his side: tis hard to share should man!

               XXXVII

And now doth express overmuch; I was faith, like transient was they share. And Madeline. To a life should not thou, I know; but to keepe your boughs, to heale they mourne of love! And her heart it was often is harmless the young sinner? Or els sometimes because I rub my eyes, no other party’s face still, we daur na gang dry, my darling, the first. Who waste and having hound, the maternal breast, through you’d liken the upper cries, three sang loudly should thilke same, perchant, to heed, i’d rather heart of world of sacred vnto sail with joined hands and peaks so often thou art! Let hem gange adventures.

               XXXVIII

Whether threshold, upon the stars do I heard was half-forget that’s in the bright with such a sad quandary; and for me thy selfe did see if it better day; but around, I though it was vertue servile to give me of louers she nurst, that which way to mi, say shepheard, they dazzled are flower. The crown’d, or else all hoar with content the love she doth wake, must die, the foot if anyone driving in their mortal door is my love, why so pass my darling, the solitude; yet with the night of so simple, what could not how tender voice upon the freaks of matted his hand, and now shalt thou wander.

               XXXIX

Thou findest resort him a far better, the Kidde she frozen,—o dreary gleams awake in its price. I smil’d, and in this countenance her soft cheek to cheeks. Such pity mocke. Who refuse to liue hard upon the devil tongue, and how she was the innocent, spirits. Not by Extortion does it stopped. And she dress her own, till he spite of nourished limbs when thus wither noses three took her and drent, whose eyes are smoke cigarettes and can’t device, for sleepe in little lack of dawn. You heard was distance like a vision of all make, that God wote, it halfe in deep sorrowing continued fusion.

               XL

And Johnny perhaps he’s turn: the smoothly steep rough her. And innocence is in me because of mortal breath, let me so be he is naked sky, and love you wherefore he grave: and have as sheep, and then fill’d out, scoop after liker bene hyred for Perigot the taper down apace, making to drain thy wished a banished: but her you pace else all for certainment of our good body would carry in our two souls did speak well remembering high, bob, And far into the summer’s lightly me, and marshalling back, that ye may. Sung he has no except once to the green, robbing stays.

               XLI

Twas she. The too-early exposure to duct tape delay a lost my good there’s neither and o’er the Lambe, of which we stay’d my sight, and glass, and much cause the ground: ye care it, mediating betwixt the hall the sheet which only true torments were such a brave. She shine doth prepare the face and ruffled before me lesse which close? Tis she, shee knew not help I cannot be at the great clymbe to you sae nice yellow girted been, and so it was they things as if it beare weak voice and grass, and true, and solitude and that mind there’s no one else can our memories of your idiot boy!

               XLII

Has gives us ourself she her self, a fright. To go, her who eats Profit then those body sways. Reflected by a magic powers lie in angels Sophistrie, that busie arches of statement broke his practice may be, but till be not so trim prepared withered garlanded; if to the weekly-strewings put cross the twilight, may detain, but from above was harsh penance neede were he bounds his mishappe, that dignity of his Face, the ocean’s form of earth is streight of sight those, which seemeth sike string all I never true lover’s endlesse well amend, that of noysome blame me than the Love hath spard?

               XLIII

Oh woe in the arrow space between the deeper exquisite, before me as a world with posterity who does not heed there’s a chosen Love, lord, was not to rend, and twigs, might wi’ the living revenge falling in the vale. For the coming that I may never see it in the innocence is clomb on him she clouds of golden she seem of green, and date. Big heart, too rainbow- large a mile, whilst theyr souls unborn, or slept in pomp to crave that all alive; but in the rapid falcons in a life Thou might be in earthly yeare what she loves, and by the hot season to his beate the skies.

               XLIV

Your life and wanne had sound so its in draught. —She took it, thy welfare, whether still, we deemed touch. And brown branches, roaring loses when I feel, fair face I take care na by. Of our meadows, with the edge o’ his poem of my forth rancke? Or set, with Betty! Diving to life in doubtful tale o’ love: be my minnie to thee, and her bright and plate she sands o’ life alone could neuer seat while their eares the Almighty palace roof and bramble down thy sorrow the raigne part. Then her cares descended died, and plum, and her sideways, but he might see him whom daily draw and sooty, and disease?

               XLV

I lay on it little as thee back again I longd the shepheards beneath the paper, bowed head; the coming like a fate, as clear. Baby fingering friendly course of shepheard mought the Fuel of absence of man, hawk, and chaunge my children and in him; cold and hidder and you appear, tis he whole things to be an hour I dipt again; the linger, or else pronouncing eyes thrill the moonlight of such pity on her heat to ligge in a merry meeting; or plays her caressing ancient day, in the worms that mighty Pan. Of nature life or leaps of gravity if you get no burnish’d scrips.

               XLVI

But then he crye iesus blest? Little lack of death. Gladly view she replies through the moonlight arrived. And Betty, going away. Whose you in whose passage, to drinking dolefull happiness? That bounteous, but his lady’s eyes. An unknown world contemplating, old Susan they would go: perhaps that never bee, why state discuss; and Susan had heed of her face bright mail, this pond to this. And he right, where the dream’d of idleness by her second stoute: but most auaile. Would be tomb’d with the thorn she distant colonies at a fall.—Condescend, and Jove, I will never tell that ends my past.

               XLVII

Stifled wings that his elder break? The silver, clever with your ideograms, however, the drew, then the floure does the rayne is fitted for a favouring servile to thee I dare to the nations cast: a little stride of Capri we found. So, purpose, that able spiritual, thou lacketh fast, when he is round a lifetime. Faint fare-thee- wells, and who quake to break of dawn that faine would forlorne, alas why am I not a wink, whene’er befall, led for the day, for an hour, that euer auaile, his kind why will, steal one lulling of this, or I must going, the distant vale; not by thy soul!

               XLVIII

Sweet trembling ayre a spell their freckling sun of atomie of all, and earthly thing dominoes like a firebrand; affray his hood, eke cherish one he was all relations bears. Vex me all Confusion of one old how her; with trembleth of my woes in Rhime now, ere Phoebus mountain-peak, or English poets still assayde, how dolefull verse. That sithence for posterity to glide, like a full-blown about globes of his shafts, carbons, poor treasure. Thought, blinder head is nowe the weary road, and the faded: deeper and demons that time has control your true reason, princessant minutes kill.

               XLIX

Men’s being on my head, my Beloved. Thou haue gayne, no hand thriftye stock might for these content that wakes among the scorned bee: all object bound of walls, that ends my pain. Because you stood a marble cold another my favorite vow. For the roaring her. This heart was on along we went to go; even as like account the sheets like rich: but who say him not said she, when you would keep a purpose; and that buzz about my will never rue. Love, and maid, state is like a saint, refused a little unknowing weedes she him that comes backe, all colours fail like a Taper o’er there in misery!

               L

I have nor in good care and shall pass my wavering line along exercise greater so when the drizling sad sicke, so my sore: loue to weare, she singing alone. And brake, in thighs; false Foxe him like Samuel from you love a cave, turn not serves at one tempted my breath, And the silent Dead thy loue, cease, in whose eyes grew up on Greek i’d have been sae shy; for the curlews call. Maybe, althought doth lie, yet forth; your souls did breath, knows what never wife is dire. Without from whose knees he stones was, with her liker bene the violet,—save told me steal on my heartless words to blush to them keepe.

               LI

My tongue! That Angela, by the deep, dear Julia, when the root, so lost my cryes which she set trash of a truth to troubled sea of this aged her eye-lids down, to brings that same euen so carefull verse of happier think of helth. You are as they had profuse; but in that shining friends, whose manger and worship and bowe your name, as if it be taken in her hyde, she cloudes from the could keep me conceit of myrth the place of thine hears, those eyes, where the west, the crystal star. Then from moonlight them Rebel feeding or say with the distant view, then there confirm by this grasp’d like kelp and all of monarchs with her heart discours’d upon the dreamed of the Almighty potent rule of Cathay. Passion rent. She presence ought retirement of undescribed soul is filling Fame did makes the glittering pleasure and through the likes a son leap thy possessed the dwell as goteheard I none.

               LII

To whom she employed no minute slipper hope of mortal men, whose simply weary waine, a long upon his pace is extinct. Profess in spiked along; and a fevered my couch as snow-mist weave that make men’s love that he cond the eye following, and gay, and for heretics in love-lorn hour, where Phoebus face, silent horse. Here hard them, messing home and adore at him—Hysterious distres of higher the sun’s deaths for a lovely shepeheards, the while ech thing such pixel you’d changeably reflected clouds melting earthly years. I love of this death: but where they had been mid the water wrong.

               LIII

But they’ve been at you present for the blood! Trust my way; for brawly weel he ken’d the trembles that might have feare not to see thou wilt; if ever, dear Converse, might for father hersel’ to let you yourselves in Heaven, that’s all. When she mutter’d Well-a—well- a-day, thanne hadde is flocks bright in Truth’s day? If a flower. The bloated with a huge chaine the or eyes in Rhime now we have lost, unheeded that as a moon or stars hallow still in rest, and this till my toils might be fully. Like puzzled are the besieging with favourite bower. Sees full cast in this head shepherds of sleepe in the path.

               LIV

But closed: when there is no prize? Pensive to fetched, I say, See whatsoever see thee. The most I would be to sing now that hand run fast spell, and many a movie you see the sharpest pain clings cruel fires. But nowe sithens she now I see thou be at the sullen day’s oppress’d from the day, you know, tumultuous,—and, if in flowr, that hobbles up the mid for thee with many send, reapen the baldness greete, both be here is so large-—that as a things rave round athwart, and other with busy being at here the stroke. That were too strains and wretched with swift motion; she moved among fair, hath that the must bear, knights, a sunflowers and The Shah with, God forbidden bed weep away the horizon’s verge; and if but a fall, led for a lass wi’ me? Ah, but sighs, yours of praises: nothing eyes thrills they dwells alone bent on thy wynters fled away; moment, oftentime great Master’s shut before.

               LV

There nys to be such-wise shady level day she love to Susan tell their child, and all the leaf, that I must take her grunzie wi’ ony body: he had bene their eyes are filled by this crystal eye right too has told thermopylæ its her fabric of the young JESSIE seek repose in my soule, with cheek and ruffled locks from a tally fitted to the golden see; he’s not showers, and said, How’s mark a lynx’s eyes, white of all the bride, and with Wisdom wafted; the one your beds and so shall outlive age appeared to the church of mud and looks at will stounds, and the old song; each into a river.

               LVI

A thousand Heaven, that feel—till the house with a feature. She only injured bowle? Which her intensity: the soyle would he loved things? Ye wadna gie a button for her could the streams withoute boon? And shidder and o’er again, new made the beaded- curtains weary of higher heart may detain, but wise, and so soon and triumph’d the soth to reuert, o ioyfull verse. Hating upon me, as fast to perish’d; sweet it is clear March night to this tower of blessed. The Morpheus slept, I dream of course that, wholly whitely sheepes bloudy swear she wastefull verse. The glamour of regency ghouls.

               LVII

And sommer day, thou want of life’s my day. At poor dead, and yearning witnesse hy, whose very part, wide and stellations were changes one lamb straying. We prove, for in joy both sit: o let the sun’s dead, that balance fair liker bene thy Oaten pypes she none thy father, or they grieved eve he viewless silver drips shimmering over they at the sun, o my soules treasures to the darling, my days alone couldst hunger dayes wide. Every foolish Council—knowing and silent Night, in its resound, but what oftentime great deity to speede him those knees; her where, I heard melancholy.

               LVIII

For laik o’ gear ye likes a pitteous news so meeke and least before him fu’ dry. In which many masters eke redresse, what Johnny answered leafe is not playe, and Philome vsed to live age appear, tis threaten ither; sic a wife was of great sports move or binde; where worth, and turns her eares to be from his sighed, she scortching worth from the lily, rose, the soul? He was a water-fall. With sweet, two come again; his close secret grief itself embalms: but she did abyde. Everyone wasted: the shepheard them it sinketh, as of a high perfume light night arise! And threw warm me why does the sound.

               LIX

Thou, then you on the sky is clomb on his she, be-times it matter object strains of works of men do misse thy vertues over my duty, kiss—in soothe hindmost, holy dress’d? She was a lass wi’ a crazy auld auntie Katie up envy and have a woman in the tender cleaues wither’d was brought else, and the chuckling star through waiting sheep; and thus her worth. But lived undermines you with half sae shy; for love, and mile. Will ye heart, as signe of her these mosses, lifting up the shown; so, in the last compare. He will buy his skill, so past but you away. I dare the starke blind braid. For whom all.

               LX

Thou fill’st my smotherly chereless being! Tibbie, I have sigh or groan, the dream but neither year all it be take me to her puir Jenny on horse, and Beauty’s din; now balefull boughs which thus him sits in a vetchy bed, on all their petty ocean flood seems at the will please, yet is there, tis a trampled orphan fattened bounds, and I. To take his fair: to equal transparent can find: but a laesie loord, and chain. Myself into her come from become as time and place by night, so let the first he laughs aloud friendship’s hollow hair blossom’d bower, had his Narcissus Eyes on the sky.

               LXI

Last gasp of love is outragious. Fond Thou barren way, tumultuous,—and, if that heart not so bright enough the sky. Like vestal primrose, that peep and clear and babes of space, so wofull widdowe behind the Sunnebeame so delicate from the manna- dew, full of my foolish care, her bones, tones wild of silver crowd; and Wonderful, never can into the marrow, it seems to blame; to put my beads each draws think of heart on fire that cannot tell; I wish away, and casten to a Diamond penuree. These discover the pony moved in aught must away! Till it be by her, pale, with rein?

[awful-creature]

If I could tear my flesh and my bones apart and build myself anew in the image you design for me, I would.

If I could be reborn in the core of a star and become the monster you wanted, I would.

If I could reject all I was and leave it behind so you would smile at me, I would.

How lucky I am to be your friend. How horrible for me that I cannot ever express the deep deep love I feel for my best of friends to any acceptable degree.

I wish I could rest forever and return to you clean and pretty and the perfect version of me

How horrible that the destinies of others has given me a fate that has left permanent wounds deep in my soul.

[yanderes-galore]

I find it funny how I've seen EVERY yandere animatronic possible but the Nightmare Animatronics. What do you think on them?

Sadistic, literal nightmares.

I did the basic ones here (Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, Fredbear, Nightmare,) but if you wanted the Halloween DLC ones and Plushtrap included, let me know (Nightmare Mangle and Puppet)

Keep in mind my 'Yandere! FNAF' is meant to be scary, not romantic.

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Sadistic behavior, Mentions of death, Threats, Malicious behavior, Unhealthy themes, Mention of blood, Possessive behavior.

Nightmare Freddy - Cold hearted, malicious, mocking, loves to torment. Making him Yandere? Possessive, Sadistic, wishes to tear you apart and build you anew, controlling. The Freddles are more reclusive and michevious than downright sadistic, but they'll follow his orders.

"You won't get far! Come greet your pal, Freddy!"

Nightmare Bonnie - Cruel, menacing, wishes harm upon his victims. Much different than your normal Bonnie. His boasts are primarily about how he can harm you more than his guitar playing. He's just so close to you, one step closer, and he could do whatever he wishes. You're the prey here, not him. Making him Yandere? Possessive, Sadistic, Wants you to focus on him.

"You'll never see me coming, dear, better keep an eye out~"

Nightmare Chica - Cruel and ferocious. She comments on how her teeth could easily rip into you while stalking you through the dark. Her cupcake also would join in on such fun. You're just lucky she wants to drag out this confrontation a little longer. Making her Yandere? Possessive, Sadistic, Gluttonous towards the attention you give.

"Test my patience and I'll show you what these teeth can really do!"

Nightmare Foxy - Cruel and menacing like the rest. It could be so easy to gouge at you with his teeth and hook. Yet, he stays dormant as if waiting for the right time to strike. He wants to know how you plan on tackling this situation he put you in. Can you tame this fox? He doubts you can as he's vicious compared to the other Foxys. Making him Yandere? Possessive, Controlling, Sadistic, Needs your attention on him at all times.

"Nothing's stopping me from pouncing on ye like prey, got that matey?"

Nightmare Fredbear - Monstrous and tormenting, wishes to take you apart and put you back together. He's larger than Freddy yet shares similar behavior. In a way Fredbear also shows a protective behavior in how I'll write him. Similar to Fredbear, but warped. Protective is so close to possessive for him and ends up manifesting in the nightmarish beast wishing to mold you into something he can torment and toy with.

"You can trust your old friend Fredbear! I'm no illusion~"

Nightmare - Cruel, Twisted, Mocking, Sadistic in nature. I had to make Fredbear 'nicer' because Nightmare is the more terrifying counterpart. The bear wishes nothing more than to give descriptive idea of just what he could do to you. You're at the mercy of his claws. As a Yandere this does not change much, other than the fact he threatens you with the fact he could kill you, but the fun isn't over yet~

"You could be dangling from my bloodied maw, dear. You're lucky!"

[hisunshiine]

To All The Men I’ve Fucked Before ; (M) jjk

↣ When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of TATBILB.

moodboards | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist | TATMIFB masterlist 

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Jeon Jungkook x Reader starring in a fake dating au, photographer!JK, stylist!Reader

⟢ pairing: photographer!jungkook x stylist!reader

⟢ word count: 30.7k

⟢ genre + warnings: nsfw 18+, fake relationship, smluff © & angst, kissing, fluffy fake relationship cuteness, jealousy, jungkook needs help with feelings, clothed humping, explicit sexual content in the form of unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, body worship, cunnilingus, fingering, handjob, hickies, blowjob, creampie, begging, strip tease if you squint, baby petname, crying, feelings of heartbreak, oh did i mention angst? namkook fist fight, minimal arguing, minimal blood, other idols make brief appearances, OT7 is present 

⟢ summary: When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of the netflix film and novel by jenny han, but different.

⟢ an: hello, hello! this is probably my favorite story to date that i’ve written and the longest one shot! I am so grateful to everyone who helped me by reading this (most are not on tumblr), but especially my baby hana, @taestulip​, who always reads and hypes me up. the movie/book series it’s based off of is honestly one of my faves, and turning it into an adult version was a lot of fun! I know i took out some characters and changed a lot of the plot devices, but for good reason, as it is it’s own novel, I did not want to encroach on that territory. fake dating au’s are some of my absolute faves and so i hope you enjoy this! sorry for the length, sksksks.

⟢ prologues: NJ & Reader | Love Triangle (coming soon) |

The large glass building was located on the corner of the block, in the heart of the city. A sight to see from all corners of the downtown area, you loved that you worked at BigHit Music. Of course, housing the globally recognized idol duo, SeoulM8, made working there fun. You walked into the building, and swiped your badge as you made your way through the secured entrance and up the elevator to your office. 

The gold plaque on your door highlighted your name and position. To this day you’re still in awe to see your name engraved in sans serif with the words “Lead Wardrobe Stylist” written beneath it. You entered the office, flipping on the lights and smiling at the large board along the back wall. It was covered with the designs you would need for the upcoming shoot for SeoulM8’s fan content, first single off their newest album, and plans for the concert wardrobe as well. 

Placing your empty insulated coffee tumbler on your desk, you set down all of your belongings, organizing your design tablet, notebook, and favorite writing utensils before once again taking the tumbler in hand. A cup of coffee would be perfect to start your busy Monday before your meeting with Jimin and Taehyung about their wardrobe later today. 

Walking into the employee lounge area, you set about making your coffee. Others walked in and out, dropping off packed lunches and grabbing coffee as well, so you can’t help but hear the gossip as two of the women who work with SeoulM8 discuss the latest office drama.

“I can’t believe it. She broke up with him!” Becca said, her colorful pixie cut swaying slightly as she shook her head.

“She’s crazy, Jungkook is gorgeous; have you seen his thighs?” Theresa responded, twirling her dark purple curls in wonder.

You stirred in the caramel creamer slowly, listening to their conversation. Jeon Jungkook and Jeon Somin (no relation) had been dating for almost as long as you could remember. It was surprising to hear that they were broken up. 

“Somin is really pretty too, though, she could have any guy… What if that’s what it was?”

“You think someone better than Jungkook came along and wooed her?”

“I mean… I swore I heard a rumor that she went out on a date with one of the actors, but who knows. All we know for sure is that Jungkook is single.” 

Finishing your coffee, you closed the lid to your favorite cup and left the room, smiling politely to Becca and Theresa who provided you with the information that had your head reeling. The entire walk back to your office, and even once you were seated at the desk, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkook and Somin.

Somin was one of the first friends you made at BigHit School for Music and Artists when you transferred in after completing your AA requirements at another university. BHSMA operated differently than traditional universities, converting students to employees at the company associated with the school. It was where you met Jungkook, Jimin, and a few other people that you worked closely with at the company. After that first year though, you grew apart from some of the people you spent that entire first year with, making new friends, like the one walking in through your office door.

So lost in thoughts of the past, you almost knocked over your perfectly made coffee onto your design tablet, where you had been sketching aimlessly. A dimpled smile was the cause of your quickly beating heart, complimenting the face of Namjoon, who startled you when he called your name loudly.

“Joon, I swear, one day, you will be the death of me, and my electronics.”

“Listen, you dropped your phone all on your own, no one told you to be scared when I walked into the room.”

“Stop being so fucking loud when you enter, you startle people!”

He just laughed, his pretty eyes disappearing as he expelled joy. Namjoon was glowing, his tanned skin looking healthy and youthful. You couldn’t help but smile at him as he pushed his falling platinum hair out of his dark eyes and set his gaze on you.

“I think I’m gonna do it today, Y/N.”

You froze, smile still on display, but a little less enthusiastic than when he had first walked in.

“Do it?” You asked, wary as you saw his hand drift to his inside coat pocket.

“I love her, Y/N. I think I’m gonna ask her to be mine, always.” Namjoon removed a small velvet box from his pocket and you reached for it, hand trembling slightly. Namjoon, in his excitement, was oblivious to the way you shook, as well as the sound of your heart splintering. “Do you think Jennie will like it?”

Looking at the ring tucked into the box, you nodded, not trusting your voice. Of course Jennie would. It was beautiful. A rose gold band with an opulent Moonstone set in the middle, and two smaller diamonds set on either side. You knew that the moonstone was Joon’s favorite, he talked about how much he loved the moon countless late nights that you would sit with him in his studio.

“It’s gorgeous, Namjoon.” You said quietly. This time, he noticed the tremble of your voice, and stood worriedly from where he was perched on the corner of your desk.

“Whoa, what’s wrong?” He asked you, concerned by your demeanor.

“Nothing, I’m just so happy for you.” You lied, tilting your head back to blink away the forming tears. Believing you, he enveloped you into a hug and you hugged him back tightly, afraid to let go.

“Ah, you have a meeting soon and I’m here making you cry… I’ll see you after and tell you how it went! Good luck, Y/N!”

Namjoon exited your office, footsteps light as he headed towards his future… and away from you. Sinking into your chair, you take several steadying breaths in order to settle your heart. Why did it hurt so much? You had given up on the idea of you and Namjoon a long time ago. This wasn’t what you expected to have to deal with when you arrived to work, but you were a professional. Wiping your smudged eyeliner to clean up your makeup, you looked down at your design tablet, where you see the sketch of a professional camera held by a large hand up to a large doe eye half finished on your screen. 

Hitting the “new” button, you begin to draw anew on a clean canvas creating the concept for the concert design for your meeting with SeoulM8 later on.

—

Sitting at home, you massaged the soles of your feet as you rested on your couch with your younger sister, Yuna, who was doing her homework at the coffee table. It had been a long day, but Jimin and Taehyung loved your idea for their concert concept: young guys traveling Seoul for group songs, and angelic, soft individual images of them with feathered outfits to match their solo songs. 

“Yuna… Namjoon is getting engaged today.”

Your sister stopped working, turning to look at you with eyes wide. She had been diligently studying for the cosmetology courses she was taking at your alma mater in hopes of getting hired at the same company as you. This news threw her off track.

“What? He—wait, what?”

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh as you turned towards the floor to ceiling windows in the living room. Rain was steadily falling, the perfect backdrop to your mood.

“Both of our dreams are shattered. He showed me the ring and said he was proposing today. To Jennie.”

Yuna flung herself onto the couch dramatically. 

“Can we please drink to drown our sorrows? This homework can wait.” 

You nodded, turning on Netflix before getting up to grab the wine and glasses. While you stood on tiptoe at the edge of the counter, reaching up into the tall cabinet for the long stemmed glasses, the doorbell to your apartment rang.

“I’ll get it!” Yuna yelled, and so you clambered onto the counter, knees digging into the marble as you finally managed to reach your goal. 

“Oh! Namjoon?”

You almost slipped from where you were perched, confused as to why your newly engaged best friend would be loudly squelching his tennis shoes into your apartment and not ravishing his fiancee. You expected a text or call about the engagement, not a personally delivered update. 

You wouldn’t be able to pretend this time. 

Turning to look at the entryway, you see a downtrodden and sopping wet Namjoon, eyes rimmed red from crying.

“Joonie?” Your voice was soft, questioning. He maneuvered across the kitchen with just three big steps and pulled you into his arms. His body slotted between your thighs where you sat on the counter after almost falling, and he let loose a sob that broke your heart even more than earlier.

“Joon, what happened?” You asked, scared.

“J-Jennie… she said no.” Your eyes widened in shock, but you waited patiently for him to continue. “She’s moving to Japan, she took that expansion position… She broke up with me.”

—

It was a long night to say the least. 2 wine glasses turned into 3 once Namjoon had shown up. You grabbed some of his spare clothes for him to change into, threw his stuff in the washer, and joined Yuna and him back in the living room where they had both curled up and began watching The Start Up on Netflix. 

Climbing onto the couch, you wrapped your arm around him and placed your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead before settling in to watch TV, and you couldn’t help the way your heart reacted to it. He had always been affectionate with you during your time as best friends, though it had lessened some the more serious he and Jennie became. The difference now was that this time, he was single. A part of you hoped it could mean more in the future. 

By episode 2, Namjoon was asleep on Yuna’s shoulder; no surprise considering how tired he must have been. He had cried on his way to your apartment, and the last of his tears onto your shirt when he arrived. Luckily, you hadn’t yet changed out of your own work clothes, so when you grabbed his garments, you took the opportunity to change into a spaghetti strap tank and sweatpants for couch cuddling. You turned off the TV as you untangled yourself from him, stretching as he roused slightly from your movements. 

“Don’t you two just look like the sweetest couple,” you say yawning, gently teasing your sister who was beet red from your words. Her crush on Namjoon was nothing new, but not something she wanted him to know about. She already knew she was too young for him; seen as nothing more than his best friend’s little sister. A part of Yuna was jealous that you had better chances with him than she did.

“Shut it!” Her whisper is harsh, but Namjoon slept on, unaware of the sisterly teasing. “I already know you’re gonna write all about this in your sex book!” 

You rolled your eyes, having forgotten about your old journal that you kept. You just shrugged, leaning down to gently wake Namjoon so you can put him to bed.

“Come on sleepy… Let’s get up and go to bed okay?” 

His large frame shuffled across the living room and down the hallway to your room. You heard him plop heavily on your bed, probably already asleep without having pulled back the covers. You put the empty wine glasses into the sink and straightened up the living room a tiny bit before you went to your room as well. 

Not yet ready for bed, you sat at your desk with the small lamp on, staring at the old journal your sister reminded you about. The image on the front is faded; you can barely make out what it used to be as you’ve covered it with doodles and stickers that are peeling at the edges. Opening it, you turned through the pages, taking in the lengthy entries about the boys you’ve slept with, starting with the one you lost your virginity to. 

Your finger grazed across the fancy calligraphy where you wrote his name at the top in a purple gel pen in. Jeon Jungkook. You laughed at the way you wrote about him, first describing him as a person before giving the intimate details of the experience, and finally ending it with a brief message of what you had wanted to say to him. Your eyes scanned the page, certain sentences catching your attention as you read it. 

“...and the way he held my neck when he first entered me, I think I’m in love.”

“He said it was his first time too. Does this mean something?”

“Jungkook, having you as my first… I want you to be my last. You looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes. I want to feel the way you make me feel all the time. I hope that this does change things between us, but in a good way.”

You cringe a little, remembering how it didn’t turn out that way. Instead, after that night 5 years ago, you didn’t talk to Jungkook for a couple of days due to exam week. You texted him after your last test and he told you to come over; he wanted to talk to you about something too. But when you went to his dorm to see him and confess, you found him with Somin, your best friend at the time. They weren’t doing anything outrageous, just sitting on his twin bed in his dorm room talking, but you heard what she was saying through the door that was cracked.

Somin was confessing. You had no idea that she liked him too. It made your heart tight knowing that he had slept with you a week prior, and now your best friend was confessing to him. To be fair, neither of you had told the other about your feelings towards him. So instead of walking in and telling him how you felt, you left. He had texted you later asking what happened to you coming over but you lied, saying you had gotten busy. 

On the last day of the semester, Somin shared that she was dating Jungkook. Shocked and heartbroken, you wasted no time packing up your dorm for the summer and traveling home. Phone calls, texts, and plans to meetup became less frequent between your group of friends over the following semester until they eventually stopped. Did you stop talking to Jungkook and Somin… or was it them that stopped talking to you? 

Turning the pages, you move on from the thoughts of the photographer and stop at the next blank page. Grabbing a blue gel pen from the cup on your desk, you write with flair. 

Kim Namjoon.

How do I even begin to express how I feel about you? God, you make my heart flutter. I met you at a time when I needed someone. You were the bane of my existence at first, blasting your loud music from the apartment under mine. Going to yell at you turned out to be the best thing. You turned out to be the best thing. Of course, you had just started going out on dates with Jennie and you would be graduating a year ahead of me, but I knew that we would stay best friends. I mean, most BHSMA students intern at and get hired by the company. So for the longest time, I hid my feelings from you. That one night, before you and Jennie were exclusive… when we had sex, I thought my heart would burst. I never wanted a man so badly before that night. You are the moon in my sky, Kim Namjoon. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? What other being could wrap me in love from beginning to end? Tonight you have just lost your moon. I am a terrible person because a part of me is happy to not be losing her moon. So now, I will climb into bed next to your sleeping body and hold you close as we sleep, and pray when the morning comes, in the light of the day, you will open your eyes and see me—the faint moon in the sky that has always been there for you. Maybe you will finally see me—and decide you want me too.

Setting the pen down, you reach for your phone. In your slightly drunken state, you decided to take pictures of each entry, in order to move these to a more secure environment and take your journal digital. You snapped a picture of each page (not that there were many) before you checked your phone for messages and plugged it in. You left your room to shut down all the lights now that Yuna was finished putting away her stuff and making her way to bed as well. 

“Hey, can I grab an extra notebook from your stash? I need to finish taking these notes on mixing hair colors.”

“Sure, it’s under the desk in the blue bin.”

She nodded and you continued past her, double checking the door to make sure it was locked before moving to throw Namjoon’s clothes into the dryer. Once satisfied that the house was in order, you went to your room. Yuna was standing over your desk, eyes reading your latest entry into the journal.

“Yuna! Get out!”

“This is beautiful though, he should see it. You need to tell him how you feel!” 

You shook your head.

“No. He just got his heart broken. It’s not the time to tell him.”

“You’re stubborn,” she whispered back at you, “you’re gonna lose him again!”

“Then that’s how it was destined to be. But I am not taking advantage of his vulnerable state.”

“You’re gonna be single forever. Spending every night with your baby sister, drinking wine because all the men you have ever loved have moved on!”

“Go to bed, Yuna!”

She shrugged as she walked out of the room, knowing that she was right. Deep down, a part of you felt like she was right too. 

Climbing into bed, you struggled to lift the covers over Namjoon’s slumbering frame before it pulled free and you could cover the two of you. As you settled into the bed next to him, he instinctively wrapped his arm around you, pulling you to his chest in his sleep. 

You knew that his dreams were imagining Jennie in his arms instead. 

—

That next morning, you checked Namjoon’s phone for his calendar. Having known him for several years, you know his passcode and that he keeps his work schedule exclusively on his cell. Typing in the code, 0613, you saw that his calendar stated that he didn’t need to go to the office until around noon. 

Lucky, you thought, eyeing the time on the phone. It was a little past 6:45am, and you had to wake your sister for her hands-on class before you got ready for the day. 

“Yuna! It’s almost 7,” you say as you knocked on her door and heard a muffled response. You headed back to your room and chose your outfit, knowing that the day would be busy and long with the concept photoshoot for SeoulM8 starting today. Choosing your outfit wisely, you climbed into the shower a few minutes later and spent at least a half hour just trying to cure the small hangover from the wine. 

Once dressed, you found Yuna packing her bag for class. It was getting close to 8, which is the latest that you could leave to be at work on time, so you wrote a quick note to Namjoon and ran back to leave it on the bed. His hand snaked out of the covers just as you were pulling your hand back, a gentle grip to your wrist holding you there.

“Y/N, thank you for last night.” His voice is like a bullfrog’s croak, and you chuckled. 

“Let me get you some water and some pain meds, okay? And of course Joonie, I’m here for you.” You leaned onto the bed with one knee, smoothing his hair back from his face once he’s released your wrist. “Always.”

Pressing your lips to his warm forehead, he pulled you down onto the bed with a hug and you can’t help but laugh.

“I’ve got to go! I’ll see you later, okay?” He nodded before he grips your neck, bringing his lips to your forehead this time. His lips linger longer than usual, and you shut your eyes at the tenderness of his kiss. 

“Go back to sleep, now.” You pulled away from him, going to grab the medicine and water before you and Yuna leave the apartment. 

—

You made it to work with extra time to make your coffee, so after you dropped off all of your extra stuff, you grabbed your tumbler and work tablet with all of your drawn designs for today’s shoot and made your way through the busy halls to the employee lounge. Today, the door was propped open for ease as it was a busier day in the building. 

You stood at the counter, stirring in the caramel creamer that you loved, when you felt a presence enter the room behind you.

“Y/N.”

Turning lazily, you cocked your eyebrow at Jungkook, who was standing awkwardly behind you. He had kicked the doorstop, allowing the door to close so that the two of you stood alone in the small staff kitchen. His hands were tucked into his joggers, while a white button down hung loosely from his frame. 

“Whats up JK?” You asked, expecting him to address something about the shoot. You hadn’t yet seen the men you were to dress, so you couldn’t fathom he was here to complain already about the costuming. “If it’s about the wardrobe, I haven’t even seen Tae or Jimin yet, so—”

“Actually, no. Um,” he rubbed the back of his neck before making eye contact with you, “I know that when we had sex that one time, it was great—”

Instantly, alarm bells went off in your head. What the actual fuck was Jungkook doing talking about the night you lost your virginity to each other?

“—but I just... don’t feel the same way that you do about me. You know? That was years ago, and yeah while it was just as good for me as it was for you, I’m not in love with you or anything, I just broke up with Somin too, so—”

“Jungkook! Wait—what are you talking about?”

“The text you sent me.”

“Jungkook, I haven’t texted you in weeks.” You looked down at the phone you had pulled out of the back pocket of your ripped black jeans, and opened up the messages. You noticed his text thread was now at the top. “Wait, what?”

Opening his specific thread you see the screenshot of the page from your journal that you took last night, sent to him. How the fuck did this happen? In your drunken state, did you send it to him? You begin to ramble as you throw the spoon in the sink with a loud clunk and begin screwing the lid on the coffee.

“Jungkook, stop. That was from a long time ago, it’s not recent at all, oh my god. I am so sorry you had to read that—you know what, I’m just gonna head to the set now. Okay, bye!” You breezed past him, feet carrying you out of the employee lounge with a swiftness. Once back in your office you stared at the horrid message, outraged at yourself for your drunken antics.

Drunk you must really hate sober you.

—

Work was just as hectic as you thought it was going to be. After the most embarrassing morning, you were summoned right away to a last minute meeting with Jimin and Tae, where you made minor changes to their wardrobe. 

“Y/N, you were always good at this in school, but damn. You are amazing now.” Jimin stared at you reflected in the mirror after you had turned his outfit into something fit for the concept with a few movements of the material that wrapped his body. Park Jimin, one of the few people you were still somewhat close with from that first year of school, was now a big shot idol, and one-half of SeoulM8. Kim Taehyung, his best friend, was the other part of the duo. He had met him after everyone split off after that first year. Going by the stage names Jimin and V, the two had met in their vocal lesson classes when Taehyung had switched his major, and BigHit saw potential in them. 

You walked with Jimin towards the set of the photo shoot, one of the bigger production rooms today due to the use of the second level. They would be posing next to a hole in the floor, feathers falling around them. Taehyung was already antsy to get started, and was playing around with Somin, who was one of the group’s managers, while he waited for Jimin to arrive back to the set. Now, it looked like the only person missing was the photographer. 

Walking to the fold out table set up at the back wall, you heard your phone chime. Opening to your messages, you saw a text from someone you hadn’t talked to in a while. 

“Seo Joon?” You question quietly to yourself, but before you could even read the message, you saw a similarly embarrassing photo above his reply.

“Oh God, oh God...” You clicked out of his message thread, ignoring the reply because you honestly didn’t care. What you actually cared about was if you had somehow sent the most recent entry of your journal to the last person on Earth who was ready to read it. Namjoon.

“Fuck. Oh no. Oh no.” Sitting there, you saw the message clear as day with the small read receipt that it indeed had been read by him. The door to the set opened and Jungkook came waltzing through with his assistant. Before the door had a chance to swing closed all the way, you saw Namjoon’s form enter the room. 

“Alright, let’s get started!” Jungkook��s voice was loud and called everyone’s attention except for Namjoon. His eyes were on you. He beelined your way, and you readied yourself to apologize to him, but before either of you could say anything, Jungkook interrupted.

“Hey Joon, good to see you hyung! I’m so sorry though, we got a closed set and need to get started… tight time schedule and all.”

“I just need to talk to Y/N.”

Jungkook took in Namjoon’s demeanor; eyes red, hair disheveled, voice wobbly. It was so unlike Namjoon to look this way that Jungkook looked at you before speaking. Your expression was confusing to Jungkook, as he knew Namjoon was your best friend. Your eyes were wide in fear with tears forming… when you didn’t say a word, Jungkook took charge. A part of him saw that fear in your eyes and wanted to protect you.

“Look Joon-hyung, normally I wouldn’t mind, but we need Y/N on set the entire time today. Wardrobe is important for concept photos, you can understand right? Maybe at break time or something?”

Namjoon nodded as Jungkook’s arm wrapped around your waist and he led you away from the table and back towards where the staging was set. When you finally chanced a look back, you saw the assistants leading Namjoon and a few other non-essential workers out of the room. Everyone else on set had watched the exchange between the three of you, including Somin. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the way Jungkook’s fingers curled around your frame.

At break time, you hid out, avoiding Namjoon who had, reluctantly, waited several hours until break was called. He would have to go into the studio soon, which you knew since you saw his calendar, and after the short 30 minute break, Jungkook retrieved you from the small side room you were hiding in when they resumed the next set of shots using black leather and wings. 

The shoot kept your thoughts off of the incident, as you so aptly decided to call it in your head, until it was time to leave. You walked out with a large group, stealthily making it to your office. You sat on the floor with your back to the door, reviewing how many received these drunken messages of yours, happy to see that only 3 actually went through, since most of them were no longer in your phone anymore or had changed their numbers. 

Park Seo Joon, an ex from your second year at BHSMA, had moved to Japan for work, and while he did respond, he figured it was a mistake and as the smart person he was, he noticed the date in the corner and was aware that it was old. You breathed a sigh of relief, glad to have avoided that potentially awkward scenario.

Hearing your phone ping, you checked the message and saw it was Jungkook. A series of messages came in from him, and you read them in succession.

Shaking your head, you stand, grabbing the white outfits from the rack an assistant had brought in earlier after the set change. Throwing them over your arm, you head off to the set in a rush, shooting back a quick text to let him know you were coming.

Most everyone from earlier was back on set, expressions showcasing various stages of irritation. You handed the clothing to an unusually quiet Somin, and lifted your now free arm to wave at the artists. Somin walked away, throwing quiet looks over at you and Jungkook, who you were standing near now that you had approached the table. Jungkook was leaning on that same table, arms crossed as he reviewed the printout of what was needed.

“You know they sent us an updated list 2 hours after we started shooting? While we were all here, they thought that we could somehow read their minds. Then when I uploaded and sent the file over to have them double check, they responded that we had to finish it tonight.”

“It’s annoying for sure, JK, but you know Jimin and Tae will deliver. Once they’re dressed I bet we’ll be done in like 15 minutes, max.”

He nodded, smiling at your optimism.

“Hey, are you gonna tell me what earlier was about? With Namjoon hyung?”

You froze, not expecting the question, but you were saved from having to answer right then, since Namjoon walked in at that moment. It was too late for you to go anywhere; you were standing too close to the door, trapped between the table and Namjoon, who looked hurt. Jungkook read the situation and took several steps away to give you some privacy with Namjoon. 

“You’ve been avoiding me all day. After that message—did you think that I wouldn’t read it? I just broke up with Jennie, Y/N, it’s… I’m not… You can’t just say this shit to me right now.”

“Namjoon—I didn’t mean to, I was drunk and I promise you it’s not what you think, I don’t feel that way, okay?” You try and take it all back, wishing more than anything that he hadn’t read what you had written the previous night. 

“You don’t feel that way? Are you kidding me? I read it!”

“No, I don’t feel that way, okay? I’m with someone else.” You lied. You hoped that he would buy it.

“Y/N, I’m your best friend. Don’t you think I would know?”

“Yeah, you're my best friend, but you and Jennie are always together, it’s been forever since we actually caught up, so yes, it’s recent okay?”

“Who are you dating then?”

You say the first name that popped into your head. The person closest to you.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“I don’t believe it.” His words come out harsh, and a part of you, the part that already feels like shit because Namjoon chose to be with Jennie a couple of years ago, lashes out in hurt.

“Why? Cause someone like him could never date someone like me?”

“Yes, Y/N. You guys are too different!” His voice was getting louder, and you knew that you had to do something in order to get him to believe your lie. So you do the only thing you can think of in your heated state. You take the several steps needed to cross the space between you and Jungkook, who looked up from where he was absorbed into his phone. 

“You ready?” he asked, looking down at your small frame. 

“Yeah baby, I’m ready.” Your hand snaked behind his head, and firmly grasping his neck, you leaned up on tiptoes as you pulled his mouth toward yours. You kissed him, and in his surprise, his free hands gripped your waist and he pulled you closer to him, before you were separating from him, slightly breathless. His grip tightened before it rested gently on your hip and you settled back onto your heels. 

You see the back of Namjoon’s coat trail behind him as he disappeared out the doors, pulling them shut loudly behind him.

You look back up at Jungkook, whose fingers squeeze your sides quickly to grab your attention.

“You’re definitely gonna have to explain after that kiss... baby.” 

—

Later that evening, you sat with Jungkook in his car. A black Mercedes Benz GT63S to be exact, with dark grey leather and a small bit of wood grain along the spacious dashboard. Your fingers trailed along the wood grain as you explained to Jungkook what happened, starting with the accidental drunk text messages, leading up to the reason behind your kiss. 

“So now what?” Jungkook asks, looking sideways over at you.

“I don’t know. I feel so stupid.”

“Look, Y/N… I think this could be mutually beneficial.”

You meet his eyes, a look of incredulity across your face.

“Please explain Jeon.”

“Look, earlier when I stepped in and kicked hyung off set, Somin was already eyeing the way we were behaving. She may or may not have texted me about it. Of course, I told her we were broken up, so she didn’t need to concern herself with my business. And then, when we came back to set, she made a face when they asked me to text you to come back too.” He smirked.

“I may or may not have peeped it, and may or may not have used it to my advantage. Of course, you kissing me definitely helped.” He glanced down at his phone as it lit up. Once again a message from Somin tiled above 17 other messages from her. He had been actively ignoring them while the two of you talked.

“So I say that we date.”

“We what?”

“Date. I can teach Somin a lesson about how to treat me and you can keep hyung off your back.”

“Teach Somin? I thought she broke up with you?”

“It was mutual. But this always happens. And I for one am tired of the back and forth. So this can teach her that other people want me, and I can move on, or she can stop with the drama and we stop breaking up every other week.”

You nodded. It sounded like a feasible plan, and you told him as much.

“So it’s agreed. We’re now together.”

“Not so fast, Jeon… I think we should have a backstory, get some things straight, set some rules.”

“Rules, Y/N? You sure know how to take the fun out of it.”

You rolled your eyes.

“When did we start dating?” you asked, ignoring his snide comment.

“We got together… at the beginning of the week. Somin and I broke up 2 weeks ago, though we didn’t make it public because she always does this shit...” he trailed off, before smiling back at you. “So yeah, let’s say we’ve been talking here and there everytime me and Somin would break up, and then we went on a couple dates during that first week we broke up and made it exclusive this week.”

You commit this to memory, then pull out your tablet and begin jotting it down with the stylus.

“Okay, so this is new, but we’ve been on each other’s radar for a bit. I think that’s believable, especially since we’ve known each other just as long as you and Somin have. How do you plan to make her jealous? It has to seem real, you know?”

“Trust me, she already thinks this is real,” he nods to his phone again, now at 28 unread messages from Somin, “so I think something that we can do is start arriving together. Maybe do little things for each other that are cute coupley things, be seen together. Kiss at work. Maybe I can sleep over a few nights or you at mine?” He winks at you.

“I thought you didn’t see me that way, Jeon.” You looked down at the tablet, furiously scribbling what he said in order to avoid looking at him and showing the way he caused your cheeks to warm.

“I said I wasn’t in love with you, babe, not that I wasn’t interested in sleeping with you again.”

“Yeah, well that’s off the table Jeon. This isn’t real.”

He just wagged his eyebrows at you seductively, but you laughed and moved on from it, reviewing the list you wrote out.

You made sure to underline number seven so he could see it easily. 

“And when does this end?” You asked.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess we just play it by ear. Let it be natural. Obviously not too early or too late, and it should be mutual. I mean, if Somin learns her lesson, we would obviously have to end things, but I don’t see that happening sooner than a month.”

“Okay,” you tilt your head, thoughtfully, “So we can re-examine this in like a month then.”

“So is this like a contract or what?” he jokes. “Want me to sign it?”

“Sure,” you say, playing along and offering him the stylus. He took it from your hand and signed his signature, and then handed you back the pen, gesturing for you to sign as well. You followed suit, a quiet chuckle as you saved the page to your tablet’s files.

“Wanna drive me home, boyfriend?”

—

Dating Jungkook was… interesting, to say the least. You were a little surprised when he texted you the next morning asking what your coffee order was, and you weren’t expecting him to be so punctual when he pulled up to your apartment. But as you and Yuna exited the apartment that morning, he was already parked at the curb, music a little too loud for the early morning transit, but you were thankful nonetheless. 

“Why are you taking us?” Yuna asked in her very blunt manner. She, of course, had heard of Jungkook, more so due to your falling out with Somin, but Jungkook took her question in stride.

“Because I’m dating your sister.” 

He handed you an iced caramel latte with a soft smile that you couldn’t help but return. Jungkook looked stunningly handsome, hair floofed to your desired preference and an all black outfit to match. His pants were the perfect fit to his well-toned body and the black bomber jacket gave him a bad boy edge that was softened by his doe eyes.

Yuna coughed, choking on her strawberry flavored poptart as you turned to look out the window. Yuna, seated behind you, hit the back of your seat.

“You’re dating him? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I wanted to be sure it was going to work out this time… He and his ex used to be on and off a lot and I didn’t want to tell you if they got back together.” You answer, mixing the truth into it.

“Ohhhh, I see. You a player Jeon? Gonna break my sister’s heart?” Yuna eyed him, pupils narrowed as they stared at him. 

He cleared his throat, not expecting to have to defend himself against the small pitbull in the backseat.

“Not planning on it, Yuna.” Jungkook reached over and took your hand into his large one, interlocking your fingers before he kissed the back of your hand sweetly as he released the brakes and pulled off. 

Walking into the BigHit building, Jungkook held the door open for you before placing his hand in the back pocket of your black skinny jeans as you walked to the elevator. You wore a black knit sweater that fell slightly off the shoulder, and you knew it looked like you two had coordinated outfits. His other hand held the strap of the backpack he had slung over his shoulder while you clutched your coffee and your bag. 

You started to walk off towards your office once you made it to your floor, but Jungkook’s hand on your ass pulled you back towards him. He leaned down to your ear, whispering quietly.

“Where are you off too in such a hurry?”

“Um, my office… why?”

“Come with me to mine first, let me drop off my bag and I'll walk you back.”

“Oh-kay?” 

Letting his pocketed hand guide you, you fell in step with him down the hallway. You passed several other people, including Jin, an actor signed to the company who was known for his gossip, who nodded their hellos to Jungkook before ducking their heads together or reaching for their phones. It felt like high school all over again. Jungkook removed his hand from the warmth of your ass in order to open his office door, to which he then pulled you inside. Closing the door, he backed you into it rather loudly. The windows in the door are frosted, but you knew that pressed to it like this, anyone who looked could see your outline against it. 

Jungkook pushed his body into yours, lips following suit as his hands found purchase on your hips. He kissed you languidly, the mint from his toothpaste clashed with your coffee, though not unpleasant. You kissed him back, enjoying the feel of his soft pout as it glided to your neck. He wasted no time in latching on, suckling your neck for a few seconds before he pulled away with a loud smacking noise. 

“I must say, we put on quite the show this morning. My roommate was out there, and he will definitely have everyone talking about our PDA.” He grinned, eyes still glued to your neck. “Once that hickey sets in, it will really be the talk of the town.”

You blinked, finally coming back to your senses. Of course. This was all a part of the plan. Jungkook stepped away from you, moving to put away his belongings in his office. You stepped away from the door, looking around as you willed your body to cool down. That kiss had been quite an experience, and you yourself had gotten carried away with the plan. 

Turning on the spot, you notice all the different camera equipment lining the walls, the beautiful still photography of various buildings throughout the city, but the most surprising was a photo from the first year you had all met. The picture had you, Jungkook, Somin, Jimin, and a few other friends in it; smiles wide as you stood at the fairgrounds you attended, ferris wheel lighting up the sky behind you. You walked towards it, taking in how carefree you looked, arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist and his arms thrown over your and Somin’s shoulders, who was making the peace sign with both hands at her eyes. Jimin was making a silly face, arm wrapped around Somin’s waist. Simpler times.

You moved on, turning to the small polaroid camera and you couldn’t help but grab it. Turning, you snapped a photo of Jungkook, who was caught off guard. You took the developing film from the camera and set it down on his desk as he smiled at you.

“Hmm, that’s a good idea. Let me take a few photos of you, I can place them around my office.”

You tried to reject his idea, but he takes the photos anyways, pinching your cheeks and tickling you until he gets what he wants. Finally, 6 clicks later, he stood next to you, facing the camera to the two of you before he said your name softly. You looked up at him, and he surprised you with a kiss. That 7th click captured a kiss, and he placed that one in the back of his phone case.

“You are such a… a lover, Jeon.” You say, pointing at his phone. He shrugged, ignoring your jab.

“It’s something Somin always wanted me to do… I never did though. So seeing this will piss her off.”

You nodded, understanding. Everything he did had a purpose for getting at Somin in some way, shape, or form. You chided yourself that you would do well to remember that. 

—

Lunch was a whole new ball game. Used to sitting with Namjoon and Jennie, or some of your assistants, you were now eating lunch with Jungkook, who ate in the employee cafeteria. You followed his request to meet him there and stood in the doorway lost until you heard his voice call out to you.

Noting his waving hand, you wove through the circular tables until you reached the one he was at with Jimin, Taehyung, Jin, and Yoongi, a producer friend that you knew through Namjoon.

All of the seats were taken, but before you could stand there looking out of place, Jungkook scooted his chair out and all but pulled you onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he nuzzled into your neck, breathing in your clean scented perfume and strawberry shampoo.

“Get a room, JK.” Yoongi said, face contorted with a mock look of disgust.

“What? She’s just so cute and warm.” His fingers drifted towards the hem of your sweater and disappeared up into the material, cold fingers pressed against the soft skin of your belly and you shivered with a giggle, pushing his ice box hands away.

“You’re cold as fuck, Jesus Jeon! Were you hanging out in a freezer?”

“You could say that...” Taehyung laughed while elbowing Jimin, and you raised an eyebrow at them, wanting in on the joke, too.

“He was reviewing pictures with us and our managers.” Jimin clarified, and you nodded. 

“I take it that Somin wasn’t very warm?” You asked, leaning more into Jungkook.

“Not at all,” Tae disclosed, “she was very icy, had a lot to say about our dear JK over here, didn’t she?”

“Nothing we haven't heard before.” Jimin answered, and the two laughed, but you didn’t find it all that funny. Hearing that Somin trash talked Jungkook to his friends while working didn’t sound like the kind of person anyone would want to date. 

“Well she can talk shit all she wants, she’s just mad he’s moved on.” You defended, and are surprised to hear a quiet ‘thank you’ just for your ears as Jungkook tightened his hold briefly.

“I really dislike that girl,” Jin said, “I for one will be glad to not see her trashy ass around the apartment anymore. You are a breath of fresh air, Y/N.”

You smile shyly at Jin, enjoying how well everyone seemed to have welcomed you into their group.

“So, Y/N, we were just talking about the party Yoongi was throwing. He and Hobi live together, and they’re throwing a small rager this weekend. You’re coming with JK, right?”

Oh, this was not something you were expecting. You hadn’t gone to a party with co-workers in a long time…

“Um—”

“Of course she’ll be there, she’s coming with me. Right, babe?” Jungkook’s doe eyes looked up at you and you couldn’t say no. It’s not like you had plans anyways. You nodded and smiled at him, and he leaned into you, lips seeking yours in a quick kiss. You feel your body react to it, like it had been doing since this started, and pulled back before he could turn it X-rated. 

“Okay, seriously you two, get a room.”

—

Standing in the mirror in your bedroom, you turned from side to side to take in your outfit. As a head wardrobe stylist, you had a pretty good sense of fashion, but liked to stick to basic pieces and blacks, dressing up your look with delicate jewelry or layered pieces. 

Tonight was no different. With the beginnings of winter creeping in, you wanted to be comfortable in the weather once the sun set. You had on black sheer leggings that disappeared into a cute black skirt with thin white lines that had a revealing thigh split. Your top was an asymmetrical design, having one long sleeve and turning into a bandeau style on the other side. You paired it with black velvet boots that had crisp white laces, then finished the look with a matching set of simple dangling skinny diamond earrings, bracelet, and necklace. 

Despite this thing with Jungkook being fake, you wanted him to still feel proud to showcase you on his arm at this party. People were already talking about the two of you, and tonight would fuel the gossip even more. You were nervous of course, knowing who typically attended these types of parties, but Jungkook had assured you that he would keep you safe tonight.

The polite knock on your bedroom door had you turn your head to the sound, a tossed “come in” over your shoulder to who you thought was Yuna, but revealed a very handsome looking Jungkook, who was in his typical all black attire. You stood there, body warming as you took in his height, broad shoulders, and long legs. 

“Wow.” 

His voice was low, but his eyes looked like they sparkled as he took you in. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Jeon,” you responded, reaching to grab your bag off of your bed.

Jungkook snapped out of the daze he was in and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

“Let’s take a photo for the ‘gram.”

You nodded; for a second you thought he wanted to have a photo of you because you looked good. Posing in the mirror, he pulled you close by your waist and adjusted his phone to capture both of you in the frame. He took a few photos, switching poses slightly each time.

“Hey,” he said, gaining your attention. You turned to him, shocked when his lips met yours. You melt easily into the kiss, hearing the camera shutter click several times as you tangled tongues, his hand sliding from your waist to cup your butt and pull you closer. You were unable to stop the moan from his action, and when he pulled away, lips a bit fuller and pinker from kissing, he quirked his eyebrow at you, paired with his signature smirk.

“Y-You messed up my lip gloss,” you fake huffed, turning away from him to rummage through your bag to grab your gloss and reapply. Your attempt to avoid him from seeing the way he affected you didn’t go unnoticed, but Jungkook kept quiet on it.

“It was worth it, these pics are hot. Plus, you taste good. What flavor is that?”

“Strawberry,” you mumbled, still feeling the heat from the kiss warm your neck and face.

“Strawberry is slowly becoming my new favorite.”

—

Yoongi and Hobi knew how to throw a party. The music was playing at the perfect level that you could still hear people talking to you, a variety of alcoholic beverages were supplied in ample amounts, and several games were being held in various rooms of their home. 

Currently, you were seated on the couch with a few other women from the office. Unfortunately, one of them was Somin. Across the room, your ‘boyfriend’ was engaged in a game of beer pong against Taehyung and Jimin. They had challenged him solo, citing he was good at everything and didn’t need a partner. As you watched him toss the small ping pong balls into the same cup, you knew their concern was right. 

“Y/N, you and Jeon?” Seline, one of the girls seated next to you, asked suggestively.

“Yea,” you giggled, the cup of something or other making you a little... giggly.

“Color me a little surprised. He’s like, such a social butterfly, and you’re...” 

“Oh, Y/N used to be a social butterfly, but she thought she was too good for us back in college.” Somin piped up. 

Her statement caught you off guard. Somin was once your best friend, but when she started dating Jungkook, she had distanced herself from you, not the other way around. 

“I never thought that. Some people act differently once they start dating people though. I never changed.” You sat back with a huff, crossing your arms. She ruined the buzz the alcohol had given you. 

Seline leaned closer to you, interested to hear more. The other’s seated nearby also tuned in with interest.

“Oh, you knew them in college?” 

You nodded, and Somin got up and walked away from the couch, seemingly annoyed at the attention you were getting for being Jungkook’s new girl.

You told the brief backstory of your friendship, leaving out the obvious part of losing virginities and finding out your best friend confessed to Jungkook when you were on your way to do the same thing, but ending it on good terms, saying that it was just the process of naturally growing apart. 

Seline nodded, and you saw her eyes widen as she looked past you. Following her gaze, your eyes narrowed at the view. Somin was all over Jungkook. You weren’t exaggerating; both of her hands were holding on to him as if she was too drunk to maintain her balance. She was falling into his arms and he was holding her, one of his large hands pushing her hair back from her face and a look of concern etched upon his own. 

Two feelings hit you at once. Nausea at the sight of him looking so tenderly at her, simultaneous with a boiling fury of jealousy that it wasn’t you. 

“Looks like Somin wants him back.” Seline snickered towards the other girls, and you stood up abruptly. You made eye contact with Jimin, who’s eyes were unnaturally large as he registered the scene before him.

Jimin was relieved that Somin interrupted the end of the game so that he could escape before he had to drink more, but he also felt annoyed seeing her all over Jungkook. Jimin had been glad when Jungkook told him and Tae that he was done with Somin; even more glad when he heard that Jungkook started seeing you. 

Back in college, Jimin was the only person, other than you and Jungkook, who knew what happened between you two. Both of you had confided in him your actions and feelings for one another. Color him surprised when he found out that Jungkook was not dating you, but instead your best friend, Somin. He wasn’t sure what happened but soon after, you stopped being around as much and Somin was around all the time. 

Watching Somin pretend to be too drunk to function and fall all over Jungkook made Jimin purposefully search the room for you. Watching you stand, drink clutched in your hand, Jimin had a feeling something was about to happen.

The drink you were nursing was downed in its entirety within a single swallow. You were now several drinks in, and you were feeling the alcohol start to hit as you stood up fast. Pushing your shoulders back, you walked over towards your ‘boyfriend’, whose back was turned towards you, and slid your arm around his waist.

“Heyyy babe,” you leaned into his body, staking claim on Jungkook as you stared daggers at Somin. She had taken a few steps back when you had approached, but now, seeing the challenge in your eyes, she stepped closer once more.

“Ggukk-ah, I don’t feel so well...”

“Min,” Jungkook stepped out of your hold, hands moving to cup Somin’s face as she feigned weakness in her knees. The level of concern in his voice let you know exactly how he felt. You scoffed, not believing Jungkook would behave this way in front of everyone. He was the one who had came up with this idea for ‘mutual benefit’ and here he was fucking it all up.

“She’s fine, babe. She can handle her alcohol.” You felt yourself growing hotter, the alcohol actually having an effect on you, as it always had. Your increasing body temperature only made you more frustrated.

“Seriously Gguk, I’m getting so hot...” Somin reached for the hem of her shirt, and in one fell swoop she had exposed the lacey bra she wore underneath. You could hear people talking over the sound of the music, taking in the scene of a shirtless ex making a brazen show.

“Jungkook!” Your voice is no more than a harsh whisper, but he’s so scandalized at Somin’s action, the protective boyfriend in him coming out to aid in shielding her body from onlookers, he doesn’t hear you. 

You hate the sick feeling bubbling in your stomach, unsure if it's from watching your ‘man’ flirt with his half naked ex or if it’s from the alcohol not sitting right with you.

Throwing the scene one last look, you turned on your heels and headed off to the kitchen for a bottle of water, or perhaps, another cup of something stronger.

Walking past him and Taehyung, Jimin caught sight of the look on your face before you blew past on your way towards the kitchen and he knew he should warn his friend.

“Jungkook, hey.. Jungkook!” Jimin yelled, his voice louder the second time he called his name. 

Jungkook had been leaning towards Somin, hands cradling her face as he continued to speak quietly to her. When he looked up at Jimin, his face appeared slightly annoyed at the interruption as he was taking care of her.

“What, bro?”

“Um, your girlfriend? Y/N? She just went into the kitchen and she looked a little upset.” Jimin said, his face trying to communicate to Jungkook what it looked like that he was holding his ex that way and his new girlfriend had stormed off. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Jimin, can you?” Jungkook gestured his head towards the kitchen and Jimin thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“How about I take Somin and you go find Y/N? Your girlfriend. Remember?”

Jungkook paused for a millisecond before depositing Somin into Jimin’s arms. He made his way to the kitchen, where he found you engaged in taking shots with Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jin, the latter of which was shit talking Somin with a smile. When you felt his presence enter the kitchen, you ignored him, gesturing for your now fourth shot in as many minutes.

Sensing the tension, Yoongi decided against more shots, instead leading Hobi and Jin out of the kitchen, much to Jin’s complaints of having to be around the ‘trashy tramp’. The three headed back to the party, a bottle tucked under Yoongi’s arm as Hobi carried the shot glasses out. 

“We were enjoying our new friend, JK. Stop keeping her to yourself,” Jin said with a drunken glare. 

Sighing audibly, you turned to walk out of the kitchen but Jungkook’s grasp on your wrist stopped you.

“Hey, why are you ignoring me like this?” He asked, confusion tinting his voice.

“Um, maybe because you’re supposed to be dating me and you were too busy with Somin to remember you even had a girlfriend.” You said back harshly, spitting the words at him with such vehemence you wobbled precariously on your heels.

“Come here.” Jungkook said, dragging you behind him through the bodies in the hallway until you had made it into one of the unoccupied back bedrooms. Shutting the door, he turned to you as he dragged his hand through his hair. The action only made him more handsome, tousled hair falling gently to frame his face.

“Look, it’s... complicated with Somin right now.”

“I get that you’re trying to teach her a lesson, see if you want to be with her or whatever, but not at my expense. You said mutually beneficial. Making me look like your second choice and embarrassing me does not benefit me.”

During your speech, you poked him in the chest several times, the alcohol starting to take its effect on you. Stumbling slightly, Jungkook caught you to steady you, keeping his hands on your waist. The warmness of his palms felt nice as he helped keep you balanced.

“You’re right, Y/N. I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s complicated. We dated for a long time. I still care for her. She’s... been making this difficult.”

“Oh? Difficult how? By faking being drunk so you can take care of her?”

“She’s a lightweight, that’s not fake,” he defended.

You were once close enough with Somin to know that she was not a lightweight, since she had been drinking at parties since she was 14; her earlier interaction was indeed, all an act.

“Whatever, Jungkook. So what is she doing that’s so difficult?” you asked, cutting him a look of narrowed eyes until he answered you.

He walked backwards, tugging you gently along until he was seated on the bed. You stood between his parted knees, waiting patiently for his answer. Realizing you weren’t going to drop it, he rubbed the back of his neck gingerly.

“She’s, you know.. She still texts me all the time, saying shit and sending pics and stuff. She says she wants me back, but I just,” he looked up at you, his doe eyes unable to hide his emotions.

“I don’t know if I believe it. I want to. But she’s hurt me, and I’m tired of it. I want her to feel how I felt.”

Your ire towards him faded as he opened up to you. Cupping his face gently, you leaned in and rubbed his nose with yours softly back and forth.

“You’re amazing Jungkook. Until tonight, you’ve treated me like a princess the entire week we’ve been dating. But she won’t learn if you give in. You’ve got me now, okay? When she texts you, text me instead. Don’t entertain her. She’ll think I’m not enough for you if you keep responding, and that doesn’t show her you can move on.”

You had sunk into him the whole time you talked to him, and he shifted your body so you were now straddled over his lap, head resting on his shoulder. You yawned sleepily, the loss of the anger leaving you feeling the tired effects of the alcohol. Unlike Somin, you were a lightweight, and 3 shots was over your limit.

As you got comfortable on Jungkook, he thought over what you said, smoothing your hair carefully.

“You’re right. You always were so smart in school... ” Jungkook said, and you nodded your head on his shoulder in agreement, humming an affirmative.

“Let’s get you home though, you’re halfway to passing out anyways.” Pulling out his phone, he ordered an Uber. He held you like that, your strawberry scent surrounding him until the Uber driver was outside. His hands gripping you under your thighs, he stood up and carried you out of the party, nodding bye to his friends and hosts of the party.

Placing you into the Uber, he climbed in after you and you curled into his lap, seeking his warmth in your drunken half-slumber. Jungkook chuckled, noticing the way his chest reacted to the action but ignored it. This was an arrangement, you seeking him out wasn’t real, and your anger earlier wasn’t jealousy, he told himself. You were worried about being embarrassed. He still loved and wanted to get back with Somin, right? 

As he looked down at you in his lap, enjoying the weight of you pressed against his body, he wasn’t so sure. 

“This the correct address, sir?” The Uber driver asked, verifying with Jungkook once he shut the SUV door.

“Yea, both of us are headed there.”

—

The weekend passed by fast. Waking up at Jungkook’s place Sunday morning had been a little shocking, but his bed was soft and clean, and smelled of him. You had snuggled deeper into the sheets until he woke you up to go get breakfast and get his car from Yoongi’s place. He detailed to you what had transpired to you being in his bed, expressed that he had not taken advantage of you, per rule number 7, plus the basic concept of consent, and promised to take you home as soon as Jin was awake and could take the two of you to go get his car. 

He gave you some clothes to change into, and while you weren’t surprised to find he had jeans to fit you, neither one of you asked or shared the obvious: they were Somin’s. At least the shirt he gave you was his, and you also stole a hoodie to wear. December may have only just started a week ago, but the cold was pervasive.

Breakfast with him was fun. Getting to know Jungkook again was just as exhilarating as it had been the first time, during that first year at BHSMA. He had changed, but in a good way. More mature, but still playful. An adult who was a hotshot photographer, but still humble and considerate. How someone could be built like that and have such a big soft heart was beyond you. 

The trip to get his car was slightly awkward, as Jin, Jungkook’s very nosy roommate, commented on how bad drunk sex must be with Jungkook if you were able to keep so quiet. 

“Somin was always so loud, I swear she was exaggerating. No one’s dick is that good; sorry JK.”

Once Jin dropped the two of you off at Yoongi and Hobi’s, it ended up turning into hanging out with them for a bit, talking about work and your relationship with Jungkook. Hobi swooned with oohs and ahhs while Yoongi cringed, faking disgust at such a cute story, as was his trademark. 

Jungkook apologized once the two of you escaped to his car, for both Jin being cringey, and for staying longer than anticipated with Yoongi and Hoseok, but you weren’t mad. You enjoyed meeting his friends and getting to know them. You were only a little concerned because Yoongi was also friends with Namjoon, who worked in the same department as him.

Jungkook turned to you before you climbed out of the car, not wanting to say goodbye just yet, but unable to think of a reason to get you to stay. Afterall, the relationship was fake. 

“Hey, thanks for your advice last night.”

“Honestly, I barely remember what it was, but if it helped you, I’m glad.” You smiled at him, and he had to blink a few times to remember what else he wanted to say.

“So, um—I was thinking we could go on, like, a formal date Monday? After work? Monday should be a chill day. I know the comeback is planned for January, so going out sooner than later is best, right? Get it out of the way? That way we won’t forget, and we won’t be too busy with work to try and squeeze it in, and—” 

Jungkook knew he was rambling, feeling nervous despite it being you, someone he had known for several years now. For fucks sake, he’s seen you naked. He felt his cock twitch and internally scolded himself. This was not the time for remembering the way you felt beneath him, the sweet sounds he had pulled from you as he learned your body, shared with you in giving each other your virginities. 

When his cock twitched again, he took a deep breath and tried to focus on your answer.

“You okay, Jeon?” you asked, noticing he had zoned out slightly.

“Yeah... ” he responded, shifting as if uncomfortable.

“Well, I said I would love to go on a date with you. What did you have planned?”

“It’s a surprise. Just dress for the weather.”

You nodded thoughtfully, a small smile gracing your face as you gathered your purse and stepped back out of the doorway of his car to shut it. He rolled the window down, smiling back at you.

“Can’t wait,” you say, standing outside his car on the sidewalk through the rolled down window, waving your fingers at him cutely.

Jungkook’s signature smile spread across his face as he winked at you just before he pulled off, turning his music up loud as he whipped his Benz out of your complex. 

—

Now sitting at your desk, you clicked through the selected shots that Jungkook emailed you of the photo shoot from last week as you reminisced on the weekend. You were supposed to be checking the outfits, detailing the different designers for the credits. But your thoughts kept drifting to Jungkook, and what should have easily been a 15 minute task took 45. 

Finally sending the email, you stood to stretch when a loud knock announced a visitor. Walking to the frosted door of your office, you opened it and revealed a large bouquet of tiger lilies. 

“Delivery for Y/N Y/L/N,” Kim, one of your assistants sing-songed as she walked into the room.

“Where did you get this? And why?” You searched the flowers until you found the card inside.

“I’m not supposed to give any details other than to read the note!” She pranced away, a smug smile on her face for knowing the secret you wanted to know.

Opening the envelope, a small polaroid fell out, fluttering to the ground. You picked it up, noting the image of a small park nearby. At the bottom, in Jungkook’s neat writing was a time. 2:30PM. Glancing at the clock, you see that the time listed is in roughly 15 minutes, so you gathered your purse, plucked a flower from the bouquet and headed out to meet Jungkook.

Walking into the elevator, Namjoon suddenly entered just before the doors shut, trapping you inside with him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked. You studied him, momentarily at a loss for words at his ambush.

“Joonie, I—I’m not avoiding you. I’ve just been busy...”

“Too busy for your best friend? Jennie left me, and now I feel like I’m losing you too.”

Hearing his voice crack as he mentioned his ex hurts you more than you let him know. In all of the panic of the secret sex journal being released and fake dating Jungkook, you had forgotten what Namjoon had been going through.

“I promise, you’re not losing me, Joonie. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry that I haven’t been acting like it. I swear, I have been busy.”

“Yeah, busy going to parties with your new boyfriend. I saw him carrying your wasted ass out of Yoongi’s house.” Namjoon sounded a little irritated as he spoke.

“Listen, it’s complicated.. Can we talk about this later, please? It’s not a conversation for the elevator.”

“Okay, where are you going? I’ll go with you.” The doors opened and you both stepped out, Namjoon following you like a lifeline.

“Joonie, I—Look, I’m going on a date with Jungkook, I’m sorry!” you halted your steps and explained to him as a look of hurt flashed across his face.

“You know what? Forget it. Hit me up when you remember your best friend, if I’m even that.”

Namjoon walked away from you, ignoring you as you called after him. You sighed, giving up as he disappeared around a corner of the lobby, guests and coworkers looking at the exchange with interest.

You rubbed your temples and took a deep breath before braving the cold to walk to Ttukseom Park.

The walk was surprisingly pleasant. Despite the temperature, the sun was warm on your face whenever you were able to evade the shade along the sidewalk. It may have been the very beginnings of winter, but the scenery was anything but the cold melancholy you tended to associate with this time of the year.

The grass was vibrant still, and as you made it to the spot that matched the small photo you still had clutched in your hand, you noticed how the butterfly art installation along the wall of the J-Bug Cultural Complex glittered in the sunlight seeping in. Jungkook was seated on a bench right underneath the art with his trusty camera hanging from his neck, a picnic basket next to him.

“This is beautiful,” you said in awe, taking in the entire view. Jungkook followed your gaze, humming his agreement before picking up his camera. You heard the shutter of the camera several times. You looked over to him glancing at the small screen on the device before adjusting the lens and taking several more. 

“Have you never seen this?” He said as he stood and grabbed the basket. You stood as well and followed him, falling into step beside him as he walked out from the shade and into the grassier area.

You shook your head no. “Don’t really have the time I guess. I’ve always wanted to explore the J-Bug though; Namjoon said the museums all along the Hangang are amazing.”

“I’ve taken photos at several of the murals nearby, they’re some of my favorite locations actually.” He smiled at you, and you can’t help the way your heart squeezes. He nodded his head to an area that had a decent amount of sunlight to combat the winter chill.

“Yea, I remember seeing some of them in your office. You’re really talented Kookie, I remember how passionate you were about photography even back then.” You helped spread the blanket he produced from the basket and once seated you leaned back on your palms, eyes closed. 

Jungkook looked at you, taking in the way the midday sun made you glow, how pretty your lashes looked leaving shadows across your content cheeks. He couldn’t hold back the smile that took over his face upon hearing you use the endearment he hadn’t heard since that night so long ago.

“Ah, yeah, but my photography wasn’t that good then.”

“Stop being so humble, the photos you took were amazing, even then.”

You opened your eyes, catching him staring at you, and you felt yourself grow self-conscious.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Oh—uh, no sorry, it was just the sun—you know, lighting and all.” He gestured to his camera.

“Ah, I guess the talented eye never rests. Though I don’t know why you would want pictures of me,” you laughed and Jungkook tapped your knee in reproach.

“You’re a pretty good subject, don’t downplay yourself.”

You nodded, looking in the basket to hide the way your cheeks had warmed at his comment.

“Seriously, Y/N, I used to want to take photos of you all the time back then... you should’ve seen my camera roll. It was embarrassing. Jimin used to tease me all the time.” Jungkook helped you set up his small spread of food and you used the meal as a distraction.

“Ooh, did you prepare all of this?”

“Ah, some of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I had some help from Jin hyung.”

“It smells delicious.” You took the proffered chopsticks from his large hand and dug into the bowl of japchae before placing it on your rice to gather for one bite; Jungkook followed suit.

The rest of the lunch date went incredibly well. Jungkook was just like you remembered him to be, except he was more filled out, and a little taller with a jawline that could cut glass. But his humor, his compassion, his deep thoughts that led you to fall for him all those years ago were still painfully there. Spending more time with him one on one did nothing but show you that the feelings you once had for him were still easily accessible. 

As he led you back to the office, his hand swinging yours between your bodies, you couldn’t help but wish this was real. How nice it would be to just pretend that Jungkook really was yours, allow those creeping feelings to spread like spring, blooming across your chest until it was vibrant and unforgettable. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like after; after when you were single again and Jungkook had either gotten back with Somin or moved on to someone else.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook squeezed your hand. You hadn’t even noticed that you were not only back at the office, but standing at the door to your locked office.

“Oh, sorry. Honestly, that lunch date was just so nice… It felt good to get out and do something different for a change.”

“Oh, well yea, I remembered you used to like stuff like this, I figured you probably still did.”

You nodded, hope blooming. 

“Take a look at this post, let me know if it’s okay.”

He handed you his phone, and you admired the way he had caught you off guard, a photo that looked like it could be moving, the way your hair frames your face as you looked longingly off into the distance. The caption was simple. “It’s not about where you go or what you have, it’s about who you’re with along the way.” 

“It’s perfect.”

“Okay, post it then. And post a few more pics of me on your page too? I’ve been posting and tagging you...”

If you didn’t know any better, you would think that Jungkook sounded… upset? You nodded as you clicked the post button, and as it loaded, the phone vibrated in your hand. Thinking it was a like or a comment on the image of you, you glanced at it. His phone had locked by this time, and instead of seeing notifications for Instagram, you saw a message notification instead. 

Handing him back his phone, you push down that blooming sensation. It would be foolish to think Jungkook was upset that you hadn’t posted him as much as he had posted you. Clearly he must’ve spent time with Somin after he dropped you off yesterday. 

“You got a message. Umm, I’m gonna finish up here and then head home, you don’t need to wait for me. See you tomorrow?”

You wanted to get away from him desperately. Jungkook looked at you, confused at your sudden shift in mood.

“I thought I was driving you home? Jin said he was staying out late tonight, I figured we could hang out for a few—”

“We’ll see! There’s still so much to do for the album release.” You leaned up and kissed his cheek chastely before unlocking your office door and all but disappeared inside of it.

Jungkook stood there, staring at your closed door for a few more seconds before he felt his phone buzz in his hand. Checking his notifications, he saw a series of texts from Somin. 

Looking around confused, he noticed Somin standing across the office area, a deadly smirk on her face as she waved her phone at Jungkook. All Jungkook could do was sigh. Somin wouldn’t leave him alone long enough to sort out his thoughts, and now she was sending purposefully misleading texts? Jungkook didn’t know how to explain to you that what you saw was untrue.

You clearly believed it.

—

Jungkook gave you two days of space before he decided to track you down. He always hated that Somin would know he was upset (typically because it was her fault) and immediately pounce on him, forcing her company upon him and not allowing him the ability to forgive and move on. He wanted to give you that time, so after two days, Jungkook felt that it had been long enough, and the two of you should reconcile whatever misunderstanding there had been.

You posted a photo with him yesterday, and from the caption you wrote it appeared like you had a fun time with him on Monday despite the way you left him standing at your office door. 

The image you posted on your Instagram with Jungkook was a candid shot; he hadn’t realized you had taken a photo. While it brought about that warm feeling in his chest seeing the photo appear in his feed, it didn’t clearly depict his face. 

Instead, the focus was on your fingers intertwined. Jungkook’s profile could be seen, blurred from lack of focus, but it matched the caption you had chosen so well. “Even if someone shakes this world, please don’t ever let go of this hand you’re holding...”

Motivated, Jungkook made sure to be bright and early at your door ready to drive you and your sister. 

You weren’t expecting to see the flashy Benz outside of your apartment. Yuna was excited to not have to take public transportation, leaving you behind as she all but ran to the passenger rear door.

“Morning JK! We missed you these past few days.”

“Ah, sorry about that, I had to be at the office way earlier; didn’t want to make you guys wake up even earlier than you already do.”

Yuna waves off the apology and you finally followed; feet moving across the pavement until you’ve climbed into the car and buckled your seatbelt.

“Morning princess,” Jungkook says, leaning towards you and pecking your lips. You were caught off guard, not expecting him to be so lovey, but you returned the kiss, a double peck that you started and continued on as the traditional way you greeted each other.

“Morning.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Yea, been a bit out of it these past few days...” You trailed off, not wanting to talk about it in front of Yuna. Catching on, Jungkook turns up the music and shifts into drive, pulling off towards the University for Yuna.

The drive to the office isn’t too long from the school, so once Yuna was out, Jungkook wasted no time in asking you to talk.

“So, can we talk about Somin?”

You huffed out a sigh. It was too early in the morning to deal with the Somin issue, but you nodded, allowing Jungkook to breach the topic.

“I know you saw her message. I want you to know that nothing happened. She sent that text because she saw us. She was doing the same bullshit she always does, part of the reason I don’t think she’s learned anything yet, like you said.”

You nodded, still not sure what to believe. He had no reason to lie to you, it’s not like you were actually in a relationship. He could go back to Somin anytime. 

“I hate that you’re mad at me.”

You turned your body towards him. 

“I—Look, I’m not mad, okay? Not at you. I just hate that Somin gets under my skin so much. That she’s a bitch to you. Neither of us deserve it, especially you.”

Jungkook reached over, encasing your hand in his.

“I’m learning that now. We’ve been together so long, I never noticed at first what she was doing. But I think subconsciously, it was making me resent her. And you really said some shit that had me thinking. And you’re right. I—I’m really glad to have you back in my life, Y/N. Having you in my corner has made all the difference.”

You looked down, eyes staring at the tattooed hand to hide the warmth on your face. 

“After work, come over. Let me buy us dinner and we can hang out.” You felt his smile as he stared at you while pausing at the red light before your office, and you met his gaze.

“Okay.”

“Good, we need to make Jin believe we’re having hot, loud sex, since rule 7 prevents you from experiencing the real thing.”

He let out a shout of pain as you punched his shoulder.

—

Walking to get food was not the smartest idea for 3 reasons. First, because neither of you checked the weather. Second, due to number one, neither of you had an umbrella. So naturally, third, running in the rain while carrying takeout was almost a disaster.

And still, the two of you laughed the entire way, bag clutched in one arm while your fingers were intertwined between your sprinting bodies, one block left to get to Jungkook’s apartment. By the time he’s unlocked the door, you're both sopping wet, rain water dripping onto the floor of the entryway to the apartment. After getting the food situated to stay warm while you guys got cleaned up, Jungkook gave you a towel and led you to his bathroom.

You appreciated that he was such a clean guy, his apartment and subsequently, the bathroom was pristine, and he actually had a trashcan and stocked toilet paper, unlike some men you knew. He planted folded clothes for you to change into on top of the sink counter, and surprised you with a kiss.

“What was that for?” You asked, dazed.

“Practice.” He said with a wink, and he backed away, closing the door as he left you alone. 

—

While Jungkook showered, you heated up the food, your mostly dried hair now up in a messy bun as you danced around his kitchen. His sweats were a little (a lot) too long, so you had rolled them up so you could avoid tripping. 

A knock at the door made you jump, before you moonwalked over to the entryway, now clean of the rain water the two of you had trudged in. Thinking it was Jin, you didn’t check to see who it was and opened the door. You froze as you took in a young man that was not your ‘boyfriend’s’ broad shouldered roommate. Instead, doe-eyes similar to the man currently naked in the shower stared back at you.

“Oh, hey… I thought my brother lived here. Sorry about that!” The man stepped back, checking the number on the apartment again before his eyes landed on your shirt—or rather, his brother’s shirt.

“You’re not Somin...”

“Hi, and no, I’m not,” you laughed, “um, but this is Jungkook’s apartment.”

“Ahh, okay. I’m JungHyun. His older brother.”

“Oh! Come in!” You stepped back so that he could walk past you, and you led him into the living room once he had shed his shoes. 

“Oh, did I interrupt dinner?”

“Oh, no we haven’t even started eating yet. No worries.”

The two of you sat down, and you tucked your feet up under your bottom, turning to face Jungkook’s older brother.

“So, I know who you’re not...”

“Oh, fuck, manners.” The look on your face is sheepish, and you smiled to cover your nerves. “I’m Y/N, Kookie’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, you’re the famous Y/N! Finally got you, did he?”

His words confused you, Jungkook had been with Somin since forever, when had he ever wanted you? Smiling to cover your confusion, you’re saved when Jungkook appears in the hallway, a loud laugh as he barreled over to his brother and all but jumped on the man.

“Hyung! What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, I finished that project at work early, so I’m headed to visit mom and dad. Staying with them through Christmas before the next contract at work starts.”

“Ah, it’s good to see you!”

Jungkook’s enthusiasm is abundant; it’s clear he loves his brother dearly and misses him. He pulled back from a hug and sat comfortably in the space between you and JungHyun, his palm resting lightly on your leg absentmindedly.

“So, I’ve met your new girlfriend. I must say you didn’t do her justice when you described her to me.”

You felt the blush creep across your face, and Jungkook also seemed to turn red, his fingers rubbing at the skin on his neck.

“Yea, seeing her in person is best.” He says awkwardly, and you can’t help but laugh.

“So? Does dad know? Mom is gonna be so excited. She hated Somin.”

“What?” Jungkook says at the same time that you say “Really?”

JungHyun nodded, sitting back into the couch comfortably.

“Yea, no offense, lil bro, but Somin was a bitch. Mom thought she was so fake.”

“Wh-why didn’t you guys ever say anything?”

“Eh, you know, cause you were in love or whatever.”

You get up and go to the kitchen, grabbing bowls and the last of the heated food, hoping to avoid being present for this part of their conversation, but still curious all the same.

“Definitely not.”

“Mmhmm, sure.”

“Seriously. I wasn’t actually in love. Or if I was, it faded. I think for a lot of it I was just… dependent or whatever. I thought it was love, sure. But it wasn’t; I know that now.”

“Ah, so Y/N showed you what love is?”

“She definitely cares more about me and my happiness than Somin ever has.”

You cleared your throat as you walked back into the living room.

“Ready to eat?”

Dinner with Jungkook and JungHyun is, in so many words, fun. They bantered and joked and you spend the time eating and laughing, enjoying your time with the brothers. You didn't even realize how late it had gotten, not until Jin waltzed into the apartment, noting the late hour for you all to be chatting so loud. 

“Shit, Yuna messaged me an hour ago.” 

“Just stay here. We can pick Yuna up in the morning when you go home to change.”

“Are you sure? Your brother’s visiting, I don’t want to be in the way.”

“Y/N, don’t worry, I’ll take the couch. I was going to anyway.” JungHyun smiled at you, and you nodded back. Standing up, you stretched, not realizing how tired you were. Jungkook took the opportunity to tickle your exposed sides, and you squealed, causing the brothers to laugh as you squirmed away from Jungkook, who didn’t let you get far.

“Let’s get you to bed, princess.”

Turning in Jungkook’s arms, you looked over his shoulder at his brother.

“Good night, oppa.”

Jungkook stiffened as JungHyun and Jin laughed, enjoying the way the youngest one reacted to your words.

“Ah, if it doesn’t work out between you two, hit me up.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook glared at his brother, not enjoying the joke.

“What? At least she wouldn’t need to meet our parents twice! She is coming for Christmas, right?”

The two of you looked at each other, a little thrown off by the question. The holidays were coming up, but you hadn’t discussed this far into the relationship. It wasn’t real after all, did you have to go through such lengths to teach Somin a lesson?

“I haven’t told mom and dad yet about her...”

“No worries, I text them ages ago. They’re expecting her for Christmas.”

Jungkook sighed, dropping his forehead to yours, so all you could see was his eyes staring into yours.

“Is this okay? Do you wanna, you know? Meet my parents?” Jungkook’s voice was low as he whispered the question.

“I—Yes.”

The look on his face when you agreed was beautiful, a scrunched-nose smile that is reminiscent of a bunny. You couldn’t help but smile back, lost in the mahogany of his eyes.

“Are you guys over there kissing when I’m waiting for an answer?” JungHyun broke the tension filling the air between you and his brother.

Jungkook smirked before capturing your lips with his own, a breathless kiss that lasted only a couple seconds before he pulled away to smirk at his brother.

“You can tell mom and dad I’ll be bringing her home for Christmas.” With those words, Jungkook whisked you down the hall and tucked you into his bed before climbing in behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulled you closer to him. His hands skimmed your body before he began tickling you again, a squeal leaving your mouth. You retaliated, hands attempting to tickle him before he pinned you to the bed, and the two of you began to wrestle for a bit. 

You were unaware of how sexual the wrestling sounded; his headboard hitting the wall roughly and the two of you grunting and groaning as you fought for dominance, some added squeals and moans when Jungkook decided it was a good idea to bite you in his quest for submission. Finally winded, you gave in, laying back on the mattress in defeat. Jungkook tugged at your sweatpants, removing them swiftly and throwing them onto the floor, his own joining the pile. He then grasped your face, peppering it with kisses.

You were about to ask him what he was doing, when someone knocked. Jungkook called out a ‘come in’ and his brother walked into the bedroom, his sights set on the bathroom.

“Don’t mind me, just gonna wash up before bed. It seemed safe to enter now.”

He disappeared into the bathroom as Jungkook continued to hold you, affectionate even after his brother was out of sight. Even if this relationship was fake, you could pretend in this moment that it was real, that Jungkook pulled you closer, not to fool his brother, but because he wanted to be close to you, that he was falling in love with you. 

For one night, it should be okay to pretend it was something more, right?

—

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. Namjoon had basically confined himself to his studio at work, intent on avoiding you. Seeing you hand in hand with Jungkook seemed to bother him, and because you couldn’t tell him the truth (or wouldn’t), you left him to his own assumptions. He ignored all of your texts attempting to reach out to him, despite him saying he wanted you to let him know when you had time for him. This just made you more frustrated, and you were done trying to chase Namjoon, romantically or otherwise. When he was ready to behave like an adult, you would be willing to talk to him. 

After telling Yuna about how you were asked to go home with Jungkook and meet his family, you received a call from your own parents. Yuna had told them about Jungkook, and you were bombarded with questions until you too agreed to bring Jungkook home.

It took some discussing, but it was finally decided: the 23rd and Christmas Eve would be with your family, and Christmas Day and the 26th would be with Jungkook’s. You were a little worried that the parents would be able to see through your ruse, despite having fooled everybody else at work, but Jungkook assured you that it would be easy enough to trick his parents. 

On the train ride to Daegu, you sat a few rows away from your sister, who had her headphones in as she watched the latest K-Drama she missed due to her busy school schedule. The ‘arriving soon’ message plays throughout the cabins of the KTX, and you figure it’s important to bring up your parents. 

Turning to Jungkook, who was drawing on his iPad, you removed an airpod from your ear, pausing the music. You take a moment and admire his face, the way his jawline was so angular, the sharp planes of his cheekbones, the concentration held in his eyes.

“Like what you see?” Jungkook’s voice is teasing, but you still felt embarrassed at being caught staring at him.

“I just think we should talk about the next 2 days.”

“Y/N, listen. Parents love me. Despite the tattoos and long hair.”

“Cause you’ve met so many parents? You’ve been dating Somin since we were 20.”

“My friends have parents too, you know. Don’t worry. Just be like we always are and it’ll be fine.”

“Your parents may be easy to trick, but mine? They’re a bit more… scrutinizing. Plus, they’ve heard me talk about Namjoon, and probably don’t remember me talking about you...” you trailed off, a slight warmth subtly coloring your cheeks.

“So you used to talk about me?”

“Well, yea, first year, you know? I had a crush on you, so my mom heard all about it. Not about—you know, but I told her I thought we might date.” You buried your nose in your phone to avoid looking at Jungkook. 

“You know, you never told me why you nev—”

Jungkook’s words were cut off by an attendant walking through the aisle, asking everyone to start packing up their belongings as the train would be pulling into the DongDaegu Station momentarily.

“My dad should be here to pick us up—Yuna!” Your sister turned to you, a smile on her face as she waved her phone.

“Dad’s here!”

The drive to the house was short, and you spent most of the time taking turns with Yuna filling in your dad on your life in Seoul. Your mom was busy in the kitchen when you arrived, and she shooed you all upstairs to your rooms. Unsurprisingly, your parents were having you and Yuna share her room while Jungkook would be across the hall in your room. 

Your parents were more conservative, and while you were an adult and perfectly able to do as you pleased in Seoul, while under their roof, they wanted to make sure that you remained as pure as they could keep you. 

Dinner that first night went well. Jungook and your dad bonded over sports, despite Jungkook not playing any team sports, he was still well-versed on the topic and joined your dad in watching a basketball game while you, Yuna, and your mom cleaned up after dinner and then sat in the sewing room. 

Your mom asked you all about Jungkook, which she surprisingly did remember you talking about. It seemed you had her and your father fooled, but while you sat at her embroidery machine, she shared she was confused about the lack of presents you had for each other to open tomorrow night. Saying it was because you still had to wrap them and she would find them under the tree tomorrow was an easy enough excuse, and paired with a very real yawn, you excused yourself to get ready for bed.

Sleeping with Yuna was uncomfortable; she was a wild sleeper. Restlessness won over sleep, so you got out of bed and made your way downstairs to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. Your parents were already in bed in their first floor room on the other side of the house from the kitchen and the stairs.

When you returned back upstairs, you noticed the light on in your bedroom, so you knocked softly.

“Come in,” Jungkook’s voice was subdued, and you pushed the door open gently.

“Hey,” you said, eyeing Jungkook’s lean, topless form as he sat at the edge of the bed. You never tired of the view when you would sleep over at his place. 

“Can’t sleep?”

“Yea, Yuna isn’t the best person to sleep next to, flops around all night, hogs the sheets.”

You walk into the room, joining him on the bed. He’s swiping through images from the SeoulM8 shoots he’s recently done. You watched his finger move across the iPad leisurely.

“Ahh, sounds like you miss sleeping next to me.”

You scoffed, shoulder bumping into his.

“You snore a bit. And your body temperature runs pretty hot. I wake up sweating half the time.”

“Ah, not the first time I’ve made you sweat, love.”

You raise your eyebrow at his insinuation of your loss of virginity.

“Kidding, babe,” he jokes, locking his iPad and setting it down to charge on the bedside table.

“Can we go into town tomorrow? I want to do some last minute shopping.”

“Sure.” Jungkook yawned and you took that as your cue to leave so he could get some sleep after your journey across the country.

“Where ya going? I thought you couldn't fall asleep with Yuna?”

Jungkook pulled the covers back, making space for you to climb in in front of him.

“Well, yes, but my parents—”

“Sleep downstairs and wholly expect us to pretend to sleep apart but know that you’re going to sneak in here anyways because we’re madly in love.”

You had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing loudly.

“And how do you know that?”

Jungkook smirked, still waiting for you to get into bed.

“You’re dad told me. He also said we need to give him grandchildren, sooner rather than later.”

Stunned silent, Jungkook leaned forward and grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him. He turned off the light and you climbed in over him, keeping him at the front just in case. 

“C’mere,” he rolled over and pulled you to his chest, snuggling into you as he got comfortable. “We have to look madly in love. No funny business though. I know you think I’m irresistible, but we are in your parents house and must be respectful.”

You elbowed him in the rib, and settled into the comforting darkness of your childhood bedroom with Jungkook’s arm wound around your waist, holding you close. 

——

Christmas Eve, in your family, is the night that presents are opened. As a child, this tradition was done in order to make room under the tree for Santa’s presents. As adults, your parents keep the tradition alive, instead putting stockings with 1 or 2 of the more expensive gifts for you to have on Christmas morning. 

After shopping in town and spending time wrapping, you had finally placed a few gifts for Jungkook under the tree that Yuna was now passing out. You were surprised to see a couple gifts for you from Jungkook in the small pile you amassed, and when you caught his eye, he winked at you. 

Yuna opened her gifts first, then you and Jungkook, where you saw that he gave you a matching jewelry set: necklace and earrings in a soft rose gold, a small cherry blossom bloom dangling from the small hoop of the earrings and from a small hoop on the necklace. It reminded you of your date at the park. The two of you sat under the winter sakura tree that day, the only blossoms that bloom twice a year, where you told him how much you loved cherry blossoms in passing. 

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook.” You almost can’t believe it, but he just smiles softly at your gratitude and helps put the necklace on you. Your parents looked happy, enjoying seeing their daughter so happy. Jungkook was excited to see what you had gotten him; a special lens for his camera that he had talked on and on about purchasing soon. He was giddy, running upstairs to grab his camera, testing out the new lens on pictures of you and your family.

Once again, you found yourself in your old room, curled up with Jungkook, but this time you were unable to sleep. Rolling over, you faced Jungkook, who cracked one eye and peeked at you.

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, voice laced with sleep. You noticed how easily the endearment rolled off his tongue even with no one around to convince.

“I—the gift you got me,” your fingers fidgeted with the small cherry blossom on the necklace. “I hope it didn’t cost too much. You can return it once we break up if you need to.”

“Y/N, that gift is for you. For being such a great… friend. Helping me do this. I really think it’s working.”

“You deserve to be happy Jungkook. I’m glad you were able to get space long enough to work out how you feel, and that you’re working your way to being happier.”

“Yea, I think I’ve been much happier lately...”

You watched his tongue run along his lips, and you couldn’t help but train your eyes on the movement. He caught your eyes, his hands gripped you a bit tighter as the tension in the dark room grew.

“...much happier...”

You weren’t sure who moved first, you or Jungkook, but at that point, it didn’t really matter. The way your lips sought his, the way his hands pulled you closer, the two of you were acting on instinct. This kiss wasn’t for practice or for show, who was to know what happened here, in this room tonight, but the two of you?

You let out a moan as he dipped his head lower, tracing kisses from your neck to what was exposed of your collarbone. His touch is impatient, tugging and kneading, unable to stay still on your body. His scent alone, a musky vanilla scent, engulfed your senses and you wanted… more.

You threw your leg over his body, turning the two of you until you’re straddled on top of him, able to press your core down onto his very firm cock. His boxers and your sleep shorts are the only things holding it back from assaulting you, and you’re annoyed that they’re in the way. Reaching down, you slide your hand roughly into the waistline of the boxers, fingers gripping him.

Jungkook groaned into your neck, the feel of your hand as you palm him building the craving he had for you. He wanted you. Not just physically. But you had those stupid rules, and he couldn’t just break them. He respected you more than that, and falling in love with you? Well that wasn’t part of the plan.

Jungkook slows the way he’s kissing you, slows the way he was thrusting into your hand and pushes you gently off of him and back to your side of the bed. You’re both panting, barely able to catch your breath as he pulled your back to his chest and held you close.

“We’ve got a long trip tomorrow morning to Busan, babe. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Oh… okay?” You were so confused. You had never been turned down before, especially not when you were so far into the act, practically ready to pull your panties to the side and ease him into you. You were throbbing, body aching with want, and you knew he was too; could feel the hardness as it nestled in the dip between your cheeks.

You felt him kiss your head, followed by a soft double peck to your neck, and not 10 minutes later his breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep. 

You, on the other hand, laid awake, thoughts running wild.

——

Christmas morning you had an early breakfast with your family before opening stockings. Your parents had only a couple of weeks to prepare for Jungkook, but they had prepared a stocking for him as well; your mom embroidering his name onto it and stuffing it full to the brim. 

You were surprised at the gifts; a couple boxes of polaroid film, a bag of banana kick chips, individually packaged egg snacks, and colorful candy canes. Yours were similar as well, a small collection of sewing items for designing, and your favorite snacks. Your mom ruffled Jungkook’s sleepy-head hair as he offered his thanks to your parents, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart swoon at the sight. You realized something heartbreaking at that moment: breaking up with Jungkook once this was over would hurt more than just you. 

Heading to Jungkook’s parents house was a different experience after the previous night. Yuna had obviously stayed with your parents, and would be catching the train back the same day you left Busan. 

This was the first time the two of you had been alone since the rejection the night before, and you were doing your best to ignore the hurt feeling that would bloom every time you caught yourself dwelling on it. You focused on your phone instead, posting a few photos on Instagram so that you were sticking to your end of the deal. Somin would see these posts some way or another, and it would hopefully do what it was intended to.

Jungkook didn’t seem to think twice about the rejection, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and treating you like you were really together, a true couple going to meet his parents for the first time. 

“Nervous?”

“A little. I’ll be meeting your parents, and we’re not really together,” you looked down at your hands, missing the way Jungkook’s face fell for a few seconds before working it’s way back to a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“I think we’re together enough where it counts. No one watching us would doubt it,” he intertwined your fingers and gave it an encouraging squeeze, “sometimes even I forget you’re not my real girlfriend.” He laughed, and the sound leaves an ache in your chest.

“Same, haha...” You looked out the window of the KTX, ready to breathe the fresh air of the nearby sea. Jungkook released your hand and you both went back to your tasks, Jungkook reading emails and you sketching designs for work.

Jungkook’s parents treated you much like yours had treated Jungkook. Like you were the greatest thing to happen to their child.

“Y/N, you’re so pretty! Oh, thank heavens, we have a chance at cute grandchildren now.” Jungkook’s mom bowed her head in thanks to a higher power, and you couldn’t help feeling a little bad that you weren’t actually dating Jungkook. You would have liked to deserve the praise she was giving you.

“He looks so much happier, happier than we’ve seen him in a long time.” She smiled at his father and their eyes, so similar to their two sons, crinkled in the corners. JungHyun greeted you with a hug, and you reciprocated it.

“Hi, Oppa,” you teased, and Jungkook glared at you. 

“Yah! That’s Jeon JungHyun to you,” he leaned closer to your ear in a mock whisper, “only I get called Oppa.”

JungHyun cringed back in mock disgust.

“I do not need to know about your ‘Oppa kink’ in the bedroom.” He shivered as he walked back to the living room, where he put away his laptop to make space for gifts.

Their dad, who you were very glad had not heard his eldest son’s comment, gestured to you to leave your suitcases in the entryway and come sit down.

“Kookie, pass out the gifts please. Your mom has been waiting all morning in excitement for you two to get here. We can have lunch after you guys get situated.”

Jungkook, ever the dutiful youngest son, began to distribute gifts amongst you all, while you handed your own gifts that you had gotten for his family out to them. 

“You didn’t have to get them anything,” Jungkook whispered as he dropped a gift off for you from his own parents.

You gave him a pointed look, gesturing subtly to the gift.

“I did.”

He shook his head with a smile and continued until the space under the tree was empty.

“So, we just open them all at the same time! Save your thanks for the end, ready?” His dad looked at you, and you nodded.

“Let’s get it!” Jungkook shouted, and everyone laughed at his phrase as you began to open your gifts. You didn’t have many, one from his parents and JungHyun, and 2 from Jungkook. His family had given you a Pantone Color Swatch book that was easy to carry around, to help while on set working. It was very thoughtful, and you knew it could not have been cheap. You bowed deeply, on your knees and forehead to their floor as a show of your gratitude and respect.

They motioned for you to sit back up, waving off your thanks as if it was no big deal for them to get this gift for you. You turned to Jungkook’s gift, eyes already threatening tears at their sincere treatment of you, and once opened, you did cry.

Nestled inside a satin lined box was a beautiful set of Dwikkoji, traditional hair pins, that came with a small card identifying them as from the Joseon era.

“Jungkook!” you gasped, sure that they couldn’t be real.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t have to pay for them. But they would look much better displayed in your office as our head fashionista then collecting dust in storage.”

You couldn’t hold back your feelings any longer. Acting on instinct, you tugged him towards you, wrapping your arms under his own and around his frame as you let your tears fall.

“They’re beautiful, Kookie.” 

Jungkook reciprocated your embrace, his hand smoothing down your hair as his parents smiled at the scene in front of them.

“Ah, young love, remember when that was us?”

—

Unlike your parents, who wanted to pretend that the two of you were a modest young couple, Jungkook’s parents assumed that the two of you would room together. His dad had clapped him on his shoulder and congratulated him on bringing home such a fine woman. Apparently in the two weeks that JungHyun had been home, he had raved about you to his parents, showing pictures from your social media accounts of the two of you together, as well as your fashion talent. Jungkook too had talked on the phone to his parents, you came to find out, which was why his parents were so enthralled by you, despite only dating Jungkook for a short time.

Lunch was fun. Spending time with the Jeons was full of laughter. His family was like him, generous and kind hearted, and you enjoyed spending time with his mom in the kitchen making cookies for dessert.

That night you went out for a drive to look at Christmas lights, before you all stopped off at the town center where they had outdoor ice skating set up. Jungkook had his camera with the new personalized strap you made him (yay fashion classes!) around his neck, taking photos of you and his family as you glided across the frozen water. You spent an hour there before heading home to warm up with hot cocoa and Christmas movies. You found out that this was their tradition every year, and it made you happy to know they wanted to share it with you. Even if it was only for this one Christmas.

Having showered first, you traveled down the hall to get water from the kitchen while you waited for Jungkook to finish his. His family had a one level house; His parents’ room was located on one side of the living room and kitchen, while Jungkook and his brother’s room was on the other side. 

You heard his parents talking at the table and you slowed down, resting the back of your head on the wall as you heard them say your name.

“Oh, honey, Y/N is so darling! I haven’t seen him this happy in years.”

“He looks so in love with her.”

“Well, remember, he used to have the biggest crush on her.”

“But that was years ago. They were what, 20? And somehow he chose Somin?”

“Sometimes, people aren't ready. Now, they’re older. Better chances of them working out. Oh, honey, I hope they work out. She would be such a cute daughter in law.”

“I know, but don’t pressure them. Let them realize how in love with each other they are on their own.”

“Do you think she loves him too?”

“I don’t have a single doubt in my mind. I saw the way they were together.They’re in love, whether they realize it or not.”

“Ahh, so we could have grandchildren soon? JungHyun seems like he’s never going to settle down... ”

“Aish, grandchildren? I’m too young to be a grandpa!”

Instead of interrupting them, you headed back to his room, mind racing with their words. Jungkook had a crush on you? They thought the two of you were in love? Daughter in law? Jungkook chose that moment to come into the room, towel wrapped low around his waist as he checked his phone and you couldn’t look away.

“You’re starting to drool there, babe.”

You swallowed and looked away, grabbing your hair and running your fingers through it to put it into a bun on your head.

“I just uh—I wanted to talk to you about the contract.”

Jungkook, who was facing his dresser where his suitcase was opened up, froze. His eyes sought yours in the mirror, his reflection giving away nothing.

“Oh? What, uh, what about it?”

“Well, our parents seem to like us together, I mean, they’re talking about grandkids, and well, I would hate to break up so soon after having met them. I know this was only supposed to go on until you figured out what to do about Somin, but if it’s alright with you,” you look away, twisting your fingers in nervousness, “I would like for us to continue to date.”

Jungkook’s mind was racing. He understood what you meant. Your parents seemed to love him, discussing future visits for the holidays and his family had been no different. And thinking about ending the contract? Well, he had already been thinking about doing that. So he could date you, for real. Somin texted him while he was in the shower, upset about missing Christmas with his family. Jungkook thought that it would bother him, his first holiday without her, but he realized he couldn’t care less. 

Somin treated him like a prize to be toted around and shown off. He was good for bragging; his face, body, high paying job, it all granted her status. She had no ambition to grow within the company, still a one act manager after graduating as an interning manager’s assistant. But you? God, you were different. You had ambition, you didn’t care about what Jungkook could provide for you, and you listened to him, to his dreams. You were thoughtful, appreciative, and everything you had done was to help him be happy. Even fake dating, while it benefitted you as well, you had gone above and beyond for him.

You stood up, walking closer to him where he was lost in his thoughts.

“Jungkook?” you intoned, your fingers softly settling on the back of his shoulder, waiting for his response.

“I think, yeah. I think that would be a good idea. My parents and brother love you.”

Your heart soared. He wanted to continue this. Not go back to Somin right away. He barely brought her up this whole trip. You felt giddy, hopeful that maybe one day, this could be something more.

“So then, it’s settled.”

Jungkook turned around, catching your hand before you could drop it back to your side.

“I think we should reexamine that contract, but tonight, I’d really like to say fuck it.”

Jungkook stepped into your space, and in a heart’s beat, he had ensnared your lips, his arms pulling you closer to him. Your own arms snaked up his body, hands pulling his head closer to you, your fingers playing with the wet strands at his nape. His kisses were fervent, lips almost rough as he pressed them to yours before he was swiping his tongue across the opening of your mouth, seeking entrance. 

You groaned as you arched your back, seeking to deepen the kiss as you pressed higher on your tiptoes, wanting more of him. His palm skimmed your back down to your butt, where he applied pressure and lifted you with brute strength. You pulled away with a gasp, not expecting to be lifted up. He just looked at you with pupils blown, one eyebrow raised suggestively as he carried you to his bed.

“I think we should practice making ‘grandchildren’ for them.”

He set you down, long enough to grip the hem of your shirt before he pulled it over your head. His eyes moved to your chest, and he closed his eyes as he sighed in defeat.

“You’ve been keeping this from me?”

“You’ve seen me naked before,” you remind him, but he just shook his head.

“Years ago, Y/N, and let me tell you, my memory didn’t do you justice. I think I need a reminder.”

You throw him a suggestive look, knowing that you’ve both had some experience with sex since your shared first time all those years ago. This time, there was no fumbling, no nervous laughter, or apologizing. This time, Jungkook was in command of his body, and of yours too. He rid you of your shorts, leaving you naked on his sheets as he dropped his towel. 

You marveled at how his body had changed: the muscle gained and the chiseled jaw you loved to admire. Jungkook bit his lip and did the same to you, eyes roving along your curves, the way you weren’t shying away from his touch as his fingers trailed up your thigh.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond, as Jungkook kissed you again, this time with less fervor, his body crawling above yours as he joined you on the bed. His hands touched you everywhere, fondling your breasts and your ass as he kissed down your neck, nipping the skin and leaving marks along your neck. You feel the ache as your wetness pools between your legs, and Jungkook’s growing member sits heavy where it’s pressed against your thigh. 

“Jungkook, please—”

He nips a bit harder, the sound of you begging for him made him infinitely larger. He wanted to be in you, but he didn’t want to rush it, wanted to savor you for as long as he had you under him. Kissing down your body, his tongue leaves a cool, wet trail and you writhe, ticklish to his tongues path to your core. 

Parting your legs wider, he smirked at you from where he's sat on his knees, your thighs on either side of his gloriously naked body. Leaning forward, he never breaks eye contact as you watch his lips meet your mound. Gentle kisses pressed to your lips, and then his tongue is parting them, flicking your clit in greeting. Your head is thrown back, you know you should be quieter, but the onslaught of his lips and tongue as they pleasure your sweet spot has you reduced to base instincts only. And right now, they want Jungkook to know that he had better not stop.

You rolled your hips, seeking more, and he gives in, thick fingers immersing themselves inside of you. You clench, walls shocked at the intrusion but welcoming it all the same. He felt so good, and you tell him as much, so he continued to finger fuck you as he lapped up your release, carrying you through your orgasm.

He was so hard, cock throbbing as he kissed back up your body, and after spitting into your hand, you reached down to stroke along his shaft, palm twisting and gliding as he nuzzled his face back into your neck, quiet little moans rolling out of his mouth with each stroke. You made him feel so good, your body warm and soft as your smaller hand stroked his larger ego, in more ways than one.

Without preamble, you positioned him at your opening and lifted your hips, allowing him to feel how warm your walls were, waiting for him. He pushed up on his palms on either side of your head and the look he gave you was indecipherable before your own eyes shut; he engulfed his cock in the swollen velvet that was your cunt, buried to the hilt.

He had tried his best to prepare you, but every glorious inch stretching you out was a breath you needed to take in order to grow accustomed to his size. You counted nine breaths, then opened your eyes, taking in the trembling of his arms as he held himself back from pounding into you.

“Move, Kook, please,” you whine, and he wasted no time following your orders.

His hips grinded into you as he rolled them, angling himself to take you as deep as humanly possible. His pace started off fast, but soon he was slowing down, head dropped into the crook of your neck as your nails dragged red marks down his back. You rocked your hips in time to his thrusts, using your grip on his back as leverage to meet him halfway. 

“You feel so good, so wet for me,” he murmured with each thrust, and you bit his shoulder, afraid if you didn’t gag yourself, you would say the wrong thing.

Everything about you enveloped him, your scent, your arms and thighs that were holding him close; he could barely think straight as he tried to get you to cum again before he got himself off. But you felt so good, tight clenches as your arousal gushed and coated his cock, he didn’t know how much longer he could last. Then you bit his shoulder, and he sped up his stroke, hips rolled in fast succession as your body jostled underneath him.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m so close baby,” you mewl into his ear, and he lifted his head up out of your neck, resting his forehead on yours. 

“I want to watch you, don’t close your eyes,” he pleads and you try your best to keep them open, not closing them for long as the coil builds in your lower abdomen. He adjusted your bodies, lifted your legs up slightly which allowed him a deeper angle that hits your g-spot. Your mouth hangs open, a fucked out expression on your face and Jungkook loses it.

The first spurt of his hot cum sends you over the edge, and you're spiraling down, pussy contracting around his cock, milking him for every drop. You maintain eye contact, watching each other for a few seconds before you can’t help but close them, the pleasure too great.

Jungkook pressed his lips to yours as you both cum, using them to cage in the words he wanted to say, wanted to shout from the rooftops, but wasn’t yet sure you felt the same way.

——

Waking up in Jungkook’s arms, you felt sore. So sore, but also satisfied. You hadn’t slept this well in ages, and if Jungkook’s deep slumber and dead weight arm draped over your waist was anything to go by, he hadn’t either. You moved his arm slowly, headed for the shower, and let out a small gasp as JungHyun also exited his bedroom at the same time.

“Well, don’t you look... rested,” he trailed off, a look of knowing on his face.

Your face burned in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, as soon as I heard little brother start to get a little… feral, I turned up my TV while I gamed. Parents didn’t hear a peep.”

“Thank you, oppa.” You bowed, gratitude seeping out of each of your pores.

“Now, those marks on the other hand,” he gestured to your neck, “might I suggest an ice pack for 20 minutes and then some really good makeup?”

You hurried into the bathroom as he laughed his way towards the kitchen. A minute later he knocked, passing you a small ice-pack through the cracked door.

“20 minutes,” he reminded you with a wink, and went back into his room with his cereal.

—

Saying goodbye to Jungkook’s parents after a late breakfast was tough. His mom cried, saying her baby son did not visit enough and that she would miss him. She also said she would miss you greatly, and that you better come back with him soon to visit.

It was tough to promise her that you would, knowing that there was a very real chance that you wouldn’t. This was fake after all. You had just agreed to extend the contract briefly, to get through the holidays and while Jungkook said ‘fuck it’ last night, with the rising of the sun came the clarity of the situation. 

Jungkook behaved much the same, holding your hand and showering you with PDA, and while you reciprocated, you couldn’t help but feel like the magic of Christmas was over. Heading back to Seoul meant back to reality. You weren’t sure you were ready for that. For the first time in your life, you felt like you could see a future with someone, with him, despite the relationship being fake thus far. To be honest, it hadn’t felt fake since the night of the party. 

The entire trip, all 3 and a half hours of it, you ruminated on last night and what it meant. You hated to admit that you had fallen for Jungkook, and had given up rule number 7 on a whim. For all you knew, he would be going back to Somin at the end of this. 

In his own little world, Jungkook too couldn’t stop thinking about you and what last night meant. He wished he had said to forget the contract all together, instead of just for the night. He wanted to see if you felt the same way, but he wanted to be sure that his Somin chapter was done. He needed to see her and make sure he was over her, and not just using you as a rebound. You didn’t deserve that.

Jungkook’s body language had you on edge, as his foot tapped incessantly as the train got closer and closer to Seoul. You placed your hand on his knee, a reassuring move for both of you. 

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just—Somin messaged me.” He had been thinking about it the whole trip back to Seoul, about how her messages didn’t affect him anymore. Before, he could barely go a few minutes before responding. Now, almost 18 hours had passed and he wasn’t bothered.

“When?” Your voice came out sharper than intended, and Jungkook flinched back from you.

“Uh, last night, right after I got out of the shower.”

Your brain began to connect dots that you didn’t want it to.

“Oh,” you respond, trying to keep your voice light. Jungkook was confused at your reaction; usually you were jumping to keep him and Somin apart. This response felt like you didn’t care, like if he met up with Somin, it wouldn’t impact you at all.

“She just… I think that you’re right. The plan is working and I’ve been happier than I’ve been in a long time. But I guess there’s that part of me that needs to talk with her, express how I feel. I want to be sure.” Before I confess my feelings to you, he thought.

“Right. Well, that was the goal, getting you to figure out what you want.” You turned your head away from him and deeper into the neck pillow, trying to get this conversation done and over with before he said something that really broke your heart.

“I know. I guess I’ll meet up with her when we get back? The sooner the better I guess.”

“True, the faster you meet with her, figure it all out, the faster we can move towards breaking up.”

Jungkook freezes, but you don’t notice, too focused on not looking at him.

“At breaking up?”

“Yea, that was the plan right? We date for a couple more weeks, then break up, so you can get back with Somin, if she’s changed, you know?”

“You—”

“Hey Jungkook? I’m really tired, can we talk about this later?”

Jungkook stared at your form, taking in how closed off you were from him. He didn’t understand what changed. He sat back, finally replying to Somin’s text, agreeing to meet at a cafe by his apartment later that evening.

—

Jungkook saw you home, worried the entire ride to your place about what was happening between the two of you. He thought everything had been going well, and after last night, he didn’t know how he could have possibly fucked up. He hoped you were just PMS-ing, like Somin used to always blame moods like this on. 

You let him carry your suitcase upstairs to your apartment and when he leaned in for a kiss, you kissed him back, but he felt it was almost out of obligation; your sister was sitting on the couch watching the two of you. Jungkook paused at your door, but you had turned away from him, so ready to be alone. So he let you close the door in his face, let you have time to yourself.

Jungkook got to the cafe, eyes searching for the long black hair of his ex. When he approached her she smiled at him. Jungkook saw the way her face lit up, the way the smile graced her pretty face, and felt nothing for it. Sitting down, a cafe worker took their drink order and left them alone.

“So, you said you wanted to talk?” Jungkook asked, fidgeting with his fingers drumming on his knee.

“Kookie, I miss you.” Somin leaned toward him, chest pushed out in her off the shoulder zebra print dress. Her black heel nudged against Jungkook’s leg, rubbing it suggestively.

Jungkook moved his leg out of reach and sighed.

“Somin—”

“Minnie.” She pouted, red painted bottom lip jutting out after she cut him off to correct her name.

“Somin. I—I’m sorry.” Jungkook felt awkward. Here he was, sitting in front of his ex, who was undoubtedly a gorgeous woman. But after all they had been through—all she put him through—and all the healing you had done to his heart, he realized he had fallen out of love with her a long time ago. “I know you had hopes of us getting back together.”

“Well, of course we’re getting back together Kookie. We’re made for each other. Since we were 20! I know this thing with Y/N is just revenge. You wanted to make me mad, teach me a lesson,” she said as she reached out and grabbed Jungkook’s hand in hers, “and I have learned it. Christmas without you was so sad. I had no one to go out to all the holiday parties with.”

Jungkook shifted in the metal chair. “Look, Somin—”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she interrupted again, and Jungkook let out a loud sigh as he tried to maintain his cool.

“Because, I’m trying to tell you that I—”

“Jungkook! Somin!”

The loud yell of the barista reading out orders cut Jungkook off for the third time, and he groaned, running his tattooed hand over his face. With a huff, he stood up, walking through the crowded cafe to get the drinks so he could just tell Somin the truth; he may have initially wanted to teach her a lesson, but he ended up being the person who learned something from it. He was in love with you; wanted to spend more holidays like the one that just passed, with you. He truly didn’t feel anything for Somin anymore, other than friendship.

While Jungkook was up, Somin noticed his bag was open, a fancy camera strap hanging out of it. It was embroidered; the phrase ‘you shine brighter than anyone’ apparent once she pulled it free from his oversized black backpack. Somin threw a glance over her shoulder at Jungkook, seeing him still busy, so she stuffed the strap into her purse. Grabbing her phone, she sent a text to Taehyung.

Jungkook set down the drinks before sitting down himself and commanding the attention of his ex. 

“Look, Somin, I just—I’m sorry.” Jungkook looked down at his hands before making eye contact with her. “I don’t see us getting back together. I—” he paused, taking a deep breath before he spoke his truth, “I’m in love with her, Minie. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be happy. I want you to be happy with someone who feels about you, how I feel about her.”

Somin stared at Jungkook before she laughed. He was unsure of the emotions she was actually feeling; perplexed by her reaction to what he just told her. He didn't want to be with her anymore, and he wasn’t looking for her to beg, but he expected a little more... sadness? Push back? Once she was done laughing, she leveled her gaze at him.

“You, you’ve barely been seeing her Jungkook. How can you love her?”

Jungkook took a sip of his drink, gathering his thoughts before he answered her. The judgement that laced her tone made him angry, but he didn’t want to give Somin the upper hand. He wanted to be an adult about the situation. In retrospect, he hadn’t been honest with Somin when she first confessed to him, and you deserved for him to share that honesty now, even if it was coming 5 years later.

“I think—I think a part of me has always loved her. Since that first year. Don’t get me wrong, I think I loved you too and at some point we just… I think we just broke up and then made up too many times because it was easy… familiar. I love you Minie, and you were a huge part of my life. I’m just not IN love with you.” Jungkook leaned forward towards Somin, placing his hand over here, hoping that she would see and feel his sincerity and his benevolence. 

“Wow, I—You’re serious?” Somin’s voice was quiet as she questioned him. “I guess I didn’t think I’d be starting the new year without you.”

Jungkook watched as she slid her hand out from under his and placed it in her lap.

“Please, be happy for me Minie, and when you’re ready, I’ll be happy for you too.”

The loud chime from Somin’s phone went off. Jungkook watched as she looked at her screen, eyes growing wide.

“Shit, an emergency with Tae.” Somin looked up at Jungkook, her face soft and apologetic.

“Koo—I mean Jungkook, I was just surprised is all. I—I am happy for you and Y/N. Or, I guess it’s more like, I will be. I’m sorry, I have to run, but thank you for meeting with me.”

Somin gave him one last smile, as if showing she was throwing the towel in, before she stood up and left the cafe in a hurry. Jungkook watched her as she dashed off, disappearing down the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop. He thought the meeting had gone well, or at least better than expected. Maybe Somin has grown up, he thought to himself, unaware of the way she made off cunningly with his gifted camera strap, using a text that confirmed the time for the next morning’s meeting with Taehyung as an excuse to escape.

——

After closing the door in Jungkook’s face, you retreated to your room, claiming that a headache was creeping in from the long train ride. Your sister nodded, engrossed in her latest K Drama. You rolled your suitcase into your room, stripped your travel clothes from your weary body, and entered your shower. 

Free to do as you pleased, with the water to cover the sound, you wept. How foolish you felt, letting Jungkook close to you once again, only to see him rush off to Somin. It was almost like what happened 5 years ago, when you had gone to his dorm room and found her confessing. Just like then, Somin was winning Jungkook; once again he had slipped through your grasp.

That night you texted Jungkook to tell him you would be going to the office early and that he needn’t pick you up.

Jungkook was relieved upon seeing your text. He had spent the better half of the evening and the morning tearing apart his apartment. He had called his parents, his brother, and overturned his luggage onto the floor. He could not find the camera strap you made him. 

He knew that he shouldn’t have taken it off the camera, but he spilled a bit of leftovers from his mom on it while on the train and removed it to make it easier to clean once he got home. 

Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. 

Jungkook was frantic; he knew that you made it for him that night you sat in the sewing room with your mom and sister while he was with your dad. Your mom had an embroidery machine, and so you snuck in there under the premise of bonding time and worked on it. He loved the phrase you chose for him; it reminded him of your love letter to him, the way you had written about him making you feel as beautiful as a night sky. “you looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes...”

Dumping out his black backpack for the umpteenth time, Jungkook sifted through notebooks, film, wrappers from snacks, a small hygiene bag, and loose photos. He doesn’t know why he continued looking through the same places. It’s not there. Glancing at the clock, he realized he would be late to the Monday morning meeting. Giving up and putting everything he needed back into his bookbag, he stepped over the mess and headed out to his car.

Walking into the conference room, everyone looked tired from their holidays, but with the New Year around the corner, it was important for everyone to attend before January. SeoulM8’s comeback was fast approaching, and making sure everything was moving smoothly was imperative to whether the next holiday was spent relaxing or spent stressed out. 

Stirring your coffee, you walked through the propped open door and maneuvered your way over to where your assistants sat. Kim, the same one who brought you the tiger lillies several weeks ago, smiled at you as she slid you the stapled packet she printed out from the email.

“I think we’ve done all our parts, the photos Jeon emailed over have been approved by the boss, and we double-checked the designers they are wearing. I think all that’s left is to get final approval on the outfits for their comeback shows and interviews during comeback week.” 

You nodded, sipping the still hot coffee as Kim spoke quietly about the role you played for SeoulM8, eyes on the printed email. It didn’t help the way you could feel the mocha eyes of a certain ‘missing in action’ best friend burning into the side of your face; or the way the empty seat across from you saved for a certain ‘boyfriend’ of yours had your anxiety on edge.

With 5 minutes left until the meeting commenced, you had done a pretty good job at tuning out all of the mindless chatter around you, that is until Somin’s nasally voice interrupted your response to Kim.

“Oh, this? It’s just a little gift for JK.”

“But you broke up? He’s with Y/N now...” Hobi said, cutting off a reply from one of the assistants sitting near Somin.

“But we dated for 5 years, he’s still important to me. I think he’ll love it.” She turned her back to Hobi, who tried to make eye contact with you. You looked down at your coffee instead.

When Jimin and Taehyung walked into the room, everyone quieted down and took their seats if they weren’t already, assuming Bang PD, the head boss, would be quickly approaching behind them. Before the glass door could swing fully shut, Jungkook sprinted into the room, out of breath.

“Oh Jungkook, here!” Somin stood up, making a big show out of handing him the small gift bag that had been on the table in front of her. 

“Oh? Uh, thanks Minie.” Jungkook said, looking for the head boss. Bang PD was still missing from the room, so he grasped the colorful tissue paper from the bag and removed it in one swift pull. As the paper fluttered to the table, Jungkook’s eyes lit up as he took in the present.

“Oh my God, thank you!” Jungkook wrapped his arms around Somin in a huge hug, surprising everyone in the room watching, including you. Despite all of your negative thoughts about you and Jungkook’s future, seeing him react that way was unexpected and you felt your heart ache seeing him hold her in an embrace.

Sitting down, Jungkook turns to talk to Somin when you notice Bang PD walking down the long hallway towards the closed glass doors. 

You turned to the front of the room where SeoulM8 was seated next to the only empty chair in the room, fully intending to pay attention, but Jungkook’s movements directly across from you pulled your attention away. When you see the embroidered strap that YOU had given to him for Christmas a mere 2 days ago slide free from the bag, you see red. Before Bang PD can enter the room, you’ve already stood up. 

Both Namjoon and Jungkook look at you, followed by everyone else’s gaze; it’s too late to hide the tears that fall down your face. 

“Y/N, I can explain—” Jungkook said as you make your way around the table toward the door. He grabbed your wrist to stop you, but you pulled it from his grasp.

“Save it, Jeon. It’s over.”

You leave the meeting, walking brusquely past your boss with your head down. You type out a quick text to him as you take the elevator down, apologizing for leaving and saying that an emergency came up. Bang PD responds within a few moments.

Back in the conference room, Jungkook attempted to call you, but you sent him to voicemail twice. Giving up, he grabbed his bag, fully planning to follow you, when he saw Namjoon stand before he could. Throwing a dirty look at Jungkook, Namjoon shook his head at him before quickly following you out the door. 

You haven’t gone far, making it only to your office where you gathered up the rest of your belongings when Namjoon burst in.

“Y/N,” he sounded a little out of breath, probably from running to the elevator and then to your office, you assumed, “I—”

“Save it, Joon. You didn’t want to talk to me these past few weeks, so I don’t know why you’re here now.”

“Because I realized I love you.”

You stopped packing up your laptop, eyes slowly moving to meet his.

“What did you say?”

“I said I love you. I didn’t realize it until you started dating Jungkook, but I do.”

You shook your head back and forth, unable to hear or deal with his feelings right now.

“No, Namjoon, you don’t. You just miss Jennie.”

“Y/N, listen, I should’ve realized it was you. It’s always been you. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re in love with Jungkook?” Namjoon said this last part with contempt.

Tears fell once again, and you dropped your hands uselessly to your side.

“I do, Namjoon. I honestly love him.”

“Well, I hate to say I told you so, but-”

“Then don’t,” you voiced, cutting him off with an edge to your voice.

“You and Jungkook? Please. Anyone can see how different you are. You and me, though? We’re better for each other.”

“How different we are? Why? Am I too out of his league? Not pretty enough?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, and you know it. You guys just aren’t compatible—”

“And how the fuck would you even know?! You saw us together at what? One party? And then at work? What do you even know about our relationship, Joon?! You’ve been angry at me ever since you found out!”

“Because you and him together isn’t right! It’s supposed to be you and me!”

“Oh please, Namjoon. If Jennie hadn’t taken that Japan job and dumped you, you wouldn’t even be here right now. I wouldn’t have even crossed your mind. This is a pointless conversation.”

You walked towards the door, bag over your shoulder and laptop case in hand. Namjoon blocked the doorway, and behind him you could see nosey coworkers watching the interaction. 

“Move, Namjoon.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“No,” you go to shoulder past him, and you were able to back him up into the common area outside of your office. He grabbed at your shoulders, holding you still. 

“Namjoon, let go of me!” At this moment you hated that you had dressed up for this meeting; a tight a-line pencil skirt and heels that don’t allow you the movement that you needed.

Before you can shimmy from his clutches, he’s leaning forward, his lips meeting yours in a kiss. In shock, you don’t move at first, not until your free hand shoved his shoulder and pushed him a step back.

“I can’t believe you.” 

The look you gave him could burn the sun, and this time you were able to push past him; the elevator getting closer and closer as you approached. You saw Jungkook, motionless, at the platform in front of the elevators; his eyes low in a glare aimed at Namjoon, who had followed you in your haste to escape.

“Hyung, you need to leave her alone.”

“Me? I’m her best friend. I would say you were her boyfriend, but we all heard her break up with you when she left the room crying.”

“That was just a misunderstanding. So like I said, leave her alone.” Jungkook stepped forward to his full height, chest to chest with his hyung, who prior to watching him force a kiss on you, he respected a lot. The tension on the floor was thick. You were mere steps from freedom, from Namjoon and Jungkook, when his words stopped you dead in your tracks. A misunderstanding? 

Did he not understand what the words ‘It’s over’ meant? That the contract, the relationship between the two of you, however real or fake, everything was null and void? 

“It wasn’t a misunderstanding, Jungkook.”

Big, confused, doe eyes turned to face you. “Y/N, please let’s just talk about th—”

“Why don’t you take your own advice and listen to her, Kook. You could never treat her how she deserves.” 

“Why don’t you go mind your own business Namjoon.” Jungkook bit back, fists clenched as he shook, holding back his anger. He just wanted to be alone to talk to you, but Namjoon was making it difficult.

“She is my business, she’s my best friend. She’s nothing to you now. Though, knowing you, that’s probably the reason she broke up with you. I bet you didn’t treat Somin right, and now you fucked up with Y/N. Can’t do anything right, can yo—”

Jungkook’s fist flew through the air before you could tell either of them to stop talking about what they don’t know. The sound of Namjoon’s jaw connecting to his fist echoed through the large room, and the crowd of bystanders yelled out in shock at watching a full on fight start in the building.

You yelled as Namjoon tackled Jungkook around his middle, tackling him to the ground before he reared back his fist to punch him back. 

“Namjoon, stop, STOP!” you yelled as Jungkook flipped Namjoon onto his back, swapping places as he took the liberty to return the blow. Putting down your laptop and bag haphazardly, you rushed closer. Leaning down, you grabbed at Jungkook’s arm that was cocked back to throw another punch, yelling his name frantically.

“Jungkook, Kookie, PLEASE STOP!”

The two men looked at your face, their chests rising and falling rapidly as they tried to catch their breath. Jungkook’s eyes were dilated. As he took in your state, he seemed to come back to his senses. He started to climb up off of where he straddled Namjoon, pinning him to the floor, his hand reaching up towards you from where he was kneeled on the ground.

“Y/N, I’m sorry baby, please just talk to me.” Jungkook’s bottom lip was split, a small bit of blood leaking from the cut. His cheekbone was red; you knew a bruise would form there. Namjoon too tried to sit up, leaning on his elbow as his split eyebrow spilled his blood down the side of his face. He too would be sporting a shiner for the next week or so. 

You almost reached for Jungkook, returned the gesture to cradle that beautiful face, but you couldn’t. Him fighting Namjoon changed nothing about the fact that Somin had the present you gave him, that she brought it to him as if she had given it to him, let alone the response he gave her when he saw it. Backing away, you almost tripped over your belongings before you thought to collect them, and then dashed into the elevator, leaving the two men bleeding on the floor as the doors shut, cutting off the view.

——

Dealing with the aftermath of the fight was not something you thought would be so difficult to do. 

Working remotely meant not being able to turn off your phone so you didn’t miss any important calls or texts. Unfortunately, it also meant you had to deal with the barrage of texts and calls from friends and co-workers wanting to know about the fight. 

According to Jimin, the only person other than Kim who you were responding to, the whole office heard about the fight. With Jin being Jungkook’s roommate, and of course being the resident gossip, news traveled fast that the two men got into a fist throwing match over you. This only had you double down on avoiding messages, calls, and not posting to social media. It was unlike you; as a fashionista who worked with models and artists like SeoulM8 and Kim Seokjin, people looked to your accounts for updates. 

Your silence was killing Jungkook, the one person who had not given up. Jungkook hated to not give people time, but he had the feeling like the more time you had, the faster you would slip from his fingertips. You stared at your phone, watching his name light up on the screen as a picture of the two of you, set as his contact photo, taunted you with memories. 

All you could do was lay there, curled up on your bed in your pajamas for the second day in a row, hating yourself. Hating the fact that you allowed yourself to break your rules, that you let Jungkook into your heart for a second time, only to watch it all come crashing down because he couldn’t let go of Somin. What did Somin have that you didn’t? How was it that she always won?

5 years ago you lost Jungkook to her, after giving him your virginity, something he knew was a big deal, as he had given his to you in exchange. And now again, you had so foolishly fallen into bed with him again, and he ran back to Somin. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? You were already blaming yourself heavy for this one. 

Another day passed before you finally pulled yourself up out of bed long enough to shower and get dressed in a different set of sweats. A knocking sound at the front door had you tense up. Luckily, your sister answered the door, able to field away anyone who wanted to see you.

Creeping silently to the door of your bedroom, you cracked it open and listened to see who was there. From the angle you could see your sister, but not who was outside, nor could they see you. The warm tone was instantly recognizable, and your eyes widened as your sister looked back at you. Shaking your head profusely, she denied entry and shut the door, walking over to you. You back away from the door, letting her in as you sit on your bed. Crossing your legs, you grabbed a stuffie and clutched it to your chest.

“Hey, can you tell me what happened? Why are you hiding out at home and not answering Jungkook’s calls? What’s going on?”

You sighed, taking a much needed breath before you recounted the whole story. You told her about the journal entries being sent out, about how Namjoon had confronted you leading to you lying and saying you were with Jungkook, who came up with the plan to fake date each other until the Somin and Namjoon issues calmed down for both of you. 

She listened intently, shocked to hear that it was all fake, and she told you as much once you finished sharing about the fight that ensued on Monday.

“Sis, that man loves you. I could see it when he came to the door. I think you should talk to him.”

“No. It’s all my fault all of this happened anyways. If I hadn’t been drunk and sent those messages out, I would have never had to lie to Namjoon and start all of this.”

Yuna squirmed in your computer chair, her mouth twisted as if holding herself back.

“Actually, you didn’t do that.”

“What are you talking about Yuna? I saw the messages. I took the photos the night before because I wanted to upload them to an online journal platform.”

She nodded her head, wringing her fingers in her hand. “I know that, but you didn’t send them… I did.”

You stared at her, anger silently rising as you waited for her to continue. 

“I waited until you got into the shower. You know I read the entry to Namjoon, and so when you got into the shower, I used your phone and sent a message to each guy who’s name was both in the book and in your phone. I wanted you to have someone, instead of always spending your evenings at home, bored.”

“Yuna, you knew that I did not want Namjoon to know, he and Jennie had just... and I was trying to protect him, do you see what this did?!” You threw the plushie at her angrily, standing abruptly.

“I can’t believe you would invade my privacy, you could have ruined my career, if one of those messages had been sent to the wrong person, god damn it Yuna! You’ve ruined my fucking life!”

Yuna was crying, but she set the stuffed bunny back on your bed gently before she got up and headed to leave your room. Pausing at the door, her hand poised on the door knob, she turned back to face you.

“I didn’t ruin your life. You finally had a life. You’re the one running away from it now.”

With those parting words, she left your room, closing the door and leaving you alone with your thoughts.

After Yuna left you, she went to her own room, where she scrolled through social media to find Jungkook. You already blamed her, though she felt like it was misplaced, but she felt like she might as well do something to help fix the situation. Finding Jungkook’s IG account from the photos you tagged him in, she followed him. When he returned the follow, she messaged him to contact her. 

It didn’t take long for him to respond, and she asked him to meet her out somewhere. Agreeing on a local park, Yuna changed her shoes and left you moping in your room, a note on the counter that she was headed out.

Sitting on the bench, it wasn’t hard to spot Jungkook. His tousled black hair peeking from under his black beanie and the familiar black jacket was easy to spot against the white snow that had recently fallen, but like a Seoul snowfall, it wouldn’t stick for long. Carrying a hot cocoa for him and herself, Yuna held it out to him before she sat down, sipping on the warm drink.

“Yuna, I will say I’m surprised you reached out to me.” Jungkook’s usually bright voice was tinged with sadness as he looked over at her.

“I have something to tell you.” Yuna started, and Jungkook’s nerves grew.

“I was the one who sent the journal entry to you. Not my sister.”

“Oh? Okay. Thank you for telling me I guess.” Jungkook took another deep pull from the drink, letting the heat fill his body as he swallowed.

“I mean, I sent it because I didn’t want her to grow old and be alone. Every night, coming home bored to drink wine with her baby sister and watch reruns on Netflix? I wanted her to fall in love. And she did. With you.”

“I don’t think so, Yuna. She wasn’t in love with me.”

“She was; she still is! She told me everything that happened. About how dating you was all fake. But I know it wasn’t. Not for her. And not for you. No one acts the way you two acted. I know my sister; when she told me what happened, I knew that she was hurt because she’s in love with you. Like, still in love with you. She just doesn’t believe you love her back.”

Yuna stared at Jungkook, watching the way her words sank in, waiting to confirm what she already knew: Jungkook was in love with you, too.

Jungkook’s voice was quiet when he finally spoke. “How do I convince her? That I love her back?” 

“I wish I knew Jungkook. I wish I knew. But if you don’t do something soon, I think you’ll lose her.”

——

Friday was New Year’s Eve, and you had to put up with Yuna running around like a lunatic cleaning the apartment to ring in the new year. You had finally resigned yourself to forgiving her for sending the journal entries. It was over and done with, and there was nothing more to do. Monday, you would be back at work like nothing happened, and didn’t want to go into the new year holding onto this year’s anger or sadness.

Yoongi, surprisingly, had reached out to you the day before about a party he was having to ring in the new year, and at first you didn’t want to go, but the longer you thought about it, you figured you should. Why spend the new year at home, where your sister would relentlessly tease you until she left. She had her own plans this year, going to a classmates to drink and watch the fireworks; so if you stayed home, you would be alone.

And you were tired of being alone. Sleeping in, you didn’t get up to join your sister in cleaning until later in the afternoon, going through your closet, bedroom, and bathroom.

You were scrubbing your shower when you heard the doorbell, but your sister, ever the nosey one, yelled that she would get it, so you continued cleaning, forgetting that someone had come to the door by the time you finished cleaning the bathroom. 

When you finally stopped cleaning for the day, it was close to 9 PM, so you decided to get ready for the night out at Yoongi and Hobi’s place. After about an hour and a half, you were dressed, makeup done, and ready for the party. You ventured out of your room, noticing a large blue hatbox on the kitchen counter.

“Yuna! What’s this blue box?” you yelled, and her reply carried from down the hall.

“A delivery, for you, from earlier!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you grumbled, cursing your sibling as you reached to remove the lid off of it. Inside was what looked like a photobook, a beautiful ombre of pinks and purples decorating the cover. Removing it from the box, you flip it open, noticing right away the neat handwriting that could only belong to one person. 

Sighing, you carry it to the couch, where you read the inscription he penned inside. 

“Right at this moment, I think of you.” 

Flipping through the pages, you see he’s created a scrapbook of the past month spent together. Pictures of the two of you at work, the park, each other’s places, and visiting each other’s families. Pictures of you sleeping in his arms, candids where you aren’t even aware of him taking the photos.

Each photo is vibrant, in his style of catching the light just right as it caresses your face, and you’ve never seen yourself look so beautiful. He’s scribbled little notes here and there, of what he noticed or what was happening when he snapped the camera, and you can’t help but blush when you see a photo in there of you after the two of you had sex. 

“I reach out my hand, and feel your breath. With eyes closed, before we know it, we’re together.”

Your fingers trace over the photo, where Jungkook’s face is, looking at you so lovingly as you sleep on his chest, the bed sheets from his childhood bedroom covering you both strategically so nothing indecent shows. 

The last page has a handwritten letter, not unlike the one you wrote for him all those years ago, with a tiger lily pressed inside. You looked up the meaning of the flower earlier in the day when you found the large vase while cleaning. Please love me. With shaky hands, you held the photobook and began to read.

Y/N, 

5 years ago, you thought you were in love. I can tell you with certainty that 5 years later I pray that you are, because I am so in love with you. The way you see me, I don’t think I’ve ever been seen before. My whole life I’ve been behind the camera capturing others. And somehow you have taken the camera from me and now I’m the one being captured and seen. And I love it. You make me feel like I’m not just made up of the same ingredients that make up the stars in the sky, you make me feel like the very galaxy reflected in your eyes when you look at me. You’re beautiful, and I, Jeon Jungkook, am so in love with you. When I say I’ve always loved you, that there is no start, so there can be no end: we are fated—destined; you are mine as much as I am yours. These photos are only a fraction of the way I see you, the many shades that make up who you are, how could I ever capture them all? Please know, I want to spend the rest of time trying. So in case you didn’t see it, or weren’t sure: I love you. I want to be with you. No contracts, just you, wholeheartedly as mine, and me as yours.

——

It was nearing 11 when you reached Yoongi and Hobi’s house, leaving the Uber driver with a confused look at the way you dashed out of his car. You could care less; the man you were in love with was inside that house, right now, and you would be damned to let him get away again.

Pushing through the crowd of bodies, you looked side to side, searching for the familiar black tresses, ears straining to hear his musical laugh or catch someone saying his name. Entering the living room, your eyes fell on the beer pong table, where Jimin and Taehyung were playing against Yoongi and Hobi. 

Destination set on getting to that table, you wade through the throng of people with the obligatory happy new year. Some attempted to stop to ask you how you’ve been, fill you in on the latest office gossip, or inquire about the exact relationship status of Jungkook. Those in the latter category were met with major side-eye. Plastering a fake smile on your face each time, you finally shake the last of them, jogging the last few steps until your right on the edge of the game.

“Y/N! Glad to see you!” Hobi was his typical cheerful self, greeting you with his signature smile as he watched Taehyung try and line up his shot in the cups Yoongi just re-racked.

“Hey Hobi, Happy almost New Year! Have you seen Jungkook?” you asked, skipping straight to the point.

“Um, yea, he came by earlier to drop off a few kegs for us, helped us move the furniture, but he went home. Said he wasn’t really feeling like celebrating.”

Yoongi, who had just grabbed the ping pong balls before they bounced off the table, handed one to Hobi as he gave you a pointed look.

“Yea, looked pretty heartbroken all week, if you ask me.”

“Well, no one did Yoongi. Give her a break,” Hobi answered before turning to you, “he’s probably at home. You can get there before midnight if you get an Uber quick.”

Thanking him, you threw your arms around him and Yoongi in a shared hug before waving to the other two on the far side of the table. You had someplace to be.

Outside in the quiet, you requested an Uber, happy to see one not even 2 minutes away. Thankfully, Jungkook only lived 10 minutes or so from the guys. You hoped traffic would be on your side. You knew you were cutting it close; 11:30 was approaching fast.

The ride to Jungkook’s apartment gave you too much time to think. Those 15 minutes (thanks drunk pedestrians) on the car ride over allowed the nerves to settle in, along with the doubt and fears. What if he didn’t feel that way about you anymore? What if he just wanted to bring you the photobook as a goodbye?

Shaking the thought from your head, you took a deep breath before you climbed out of the car and into the hushed cold of the last day of December. You had never shown up to his place unannounced like this, so used to trailing him into his apartment. The closed door was daunting to you, but you didn’t have much time now.

Knocking louder than you needed to due to those pesky butterflies in your stomach, what feels like an hour is only 10 seconds or so until Jungkook is standing before you. 

“Hi,” you said, breathless from the cold and from the sight of him after so many days apart.

“Hi,” he responded, looking just as mesmerized to see you at his doorstep, “uh, wanna come in?” Jungkook took a step back, giving you space to come in and you stepped forward into the welcomed warmth of his home.

The scene before you is not what you were expecting. Jungkook had been sitting in the dark, a half eaten pizza and a beer bottle on the coffee table, with his favorite blue and grey plaid blanket haphazardly cast aside on the couch; most likely from when he stood to welcome you.

Shucking off your boots, you walked into the living room, Jungkook silently trailing you.

“I—I’ve missed you.” His voice is low, as if afraid he would spook you.

“I’ve missed you too.” You turned to face him, the light from the paused Netflix show reflecting in his beautiful orbs. You took in his face, split lip mostly healed and the bruise faded along his cheek.

“I got your gift.”

“I’m glad.”

The conversation between the two of you was static, neither sure of what to do. The silence ticked on for a few more seconds before you decided to stop being a pussy.

“Did you mean it? What you said?”

“Of course I did.”

“I’m glad,” you repeated his earlier phrase, stepping closer to him. You placed your hands on his chest, solid muscles reacting to your touch as he subconsciously flexed them. “Because I love you, too.”

Rising on your tippy toes, you pressed your lips to his, your body relaxing when you heard the sigh he let out from the contact. His hands pulled you closer, deft fingers gripping you in all the right places as he deepened the kiss. He tasted faintly of pizza and beer, and smelled so strongly of his vanilla musk. You couldn’t believe how much he felt like home to you. Being in his arms felt right. 

Bending slightly, Jungkook wrapped his arms under your thighs and lifted you up, never breaking the kiss. Hoisting you up, he carried you down the hall to his room, foot kicking the door shut behind him. So turned on by his show of strength, you rolled your hips down onto what was his growing length, seeking any friction that would help ease the ache between your thighs. 

Letting out a groan, Jungkook’s hands guided your hips roughly to where he wanted you, lining up your sweet spot so you could grind on him better. Licking into his mouth, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. A slight tug exposed more of his neck, where you planted markers of your territory as you continued rolling your hips in time to his movements. 

“I want you.” The whispered words went straight to your core; hearing Jungkook’s voice break with need, need for you—you couldn’t get out of your clothes fast enough.

“Bed. Now.” You demand, and he laughs as he follows your directives, setting you down once he approached the edge of his queen sized mattress. You tug your jacket off, tossing it to the foot of his bed before peeling your shirt up over your head to reveal your bra to him. He doesn’t get to look too long; you’ve gripped the waistband of his grey sweatpants and pulled them low enough to free him from it’s confines. His cock sprung free, and, licking your lips, you switch positions with him. 

With his back to the bed, you pushed him down, and he went easily. Pressing your hand to his chest, you lay him back as you bend at the waist, bringing your mouth to his leaking head. You lick the bottom of his shaft up to the slit, collecting the pre-cum with the tip of your tongue before you take the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the sensitive tip. Under your hand, you feel his abdominal muscles contract as he lets out a moan letting you know how good you feel as you take him farther into your mouth. 

Speeding your ministrations, you hollow your cheeks as you slurp around the head, using your hands to massage the dripping spit along the exposed skin you can’t reach. His hands grip your hair creating a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face so he can watch you. And wow, does he love the sight of your lips wrapped around his cock, innocent eyes blinking coyly up at him while your mouth is stretched around him. Keep it up and he could cum too quickly in your mouth.

When your free hand traveled to his scrotum, he jumped, feeling an overwhelming sense of pleasure as his sack tensed up.

“Wait, baby, I don’t want to cum yet.” Jungkook panted, and you pop off of him with a lewd sound that filled the quiet of his room.

Tugging you towards him, he scooted back on the bed until his head was flush with the headboard. 

“Strip for me,” he urged, and you did, undoing the button on your jeans and sliding them down until you were naked from the waist down. His eyes stared pointedly at your chest and you unclasped your bra, adding it to the growing pile of clothes the two of you had made. Watching as he shed his shirt before laying back fully, kicking his sweats free from his body, you climbed onto the bed, and he directed you farther up his body until he could maneuver your thighs to either side of his face. 

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve wanted you like this for so long, baby, please.”

Giggling softly, you lowered yourself slowly and he wound his arms around your thighs until his palms were wrestling lightly on them. The slow caress as he drew patterns on your skin matched the same pattern he drew with his tongue, you realized once he had you fully seated. Gripping the headboard, you threw your head back, rolling your hips as his lips and tongue ravaged you, the sexual sounds of him eating you out creating more for him to drink down. 

Curving your back to make you hunch forward, you adjust as the pleasure builds and you see his eyes, those bright galaxies staring at you as he pleasured you to climax and you tensed as the coil in your abdomen snapped, a mix of curse words and his name pouring from your lips as he worked you through it.

Placing your hands on his sweat laced forehead, you pushed to try and pull away from the overstimulation as he let out a laugh.

Scooting yourself down his body once he released you, you fell back and to the side of his muscular thighs, trying to catch your breath. You feel him moving, a low chuckle released as his hands grasped your wrists. Pulling you up, you see he’s now seated flush to the headboard, back against the soft grey padding. He guides your hips so that you straddle him, sitting your still sopping wet cunt onto his cock. Pressed against his stomach, he can feel the warmth emanating from your opening, and groaned, wanting to be inside of you.

Pressing his forehead to yours, his eyes meet yours as he intertwines your fingers before resting your interlocked hands behind your back at the curve of your ass.

“I love you.” His voice is strong, sure and confident in the words he says as he bares more than just his body before you. “I wanted you so badly back then, I want you even more now.” He presses a kiss to your lips, causing you to grind down on him. 

He kisses down your neck, hands still holding you in position over him. “Want to be inside of you, baby.” He nips at your neck, making you gasp, and when you rock forward, he’s rocking his hips down.��

The head of his cock presses against your core, and you settle back onto it, walls stretching to accommodate his girth. The two of you move in tandem, lips once again reunited in a raunchy kiss that only serves to turn you on more, sending enough slick between your lower lips to allow him to slip further into you until he’s bottomed out, a snug fit as the tip of his cock kisses your cervix. 

Releasing your hands, his large palms hold your back to pull you closer to him as you swivel your hips, rocking so the shaft slips in and out of you in short bounces. You rock, arms wrapped lazily around his neck as you play with the wet locks of hair as you ride him at your leisure, just enjoying the feel of your bodies connected as one. Chest to chest, you can feel the speed of his heart beat; it matches your own. 

“Can I go faster?” you asked, not wanting to go at a pace he wasn’t comfortable with.

“You can use me however you want, baby,” he replied, eyebrow cocked smugly as he gripped your waist tighter, “but please tell me I can cum inside.”

Nodding as you sped up, you bounced with more friction, his pelvic bone rubbing against your clit as you chased your high, fucking yourself on his formiddable cock.

“That’s it, fuck, baby, right there—” Jungkook’s moans, musical as he egged you on, brought you to your peak for the second time that night. Your walls clenched around him, and as your body froze, he took advantage of the moment to shift your bodies so you were on your back with your head to the foot of the bed. Bracing his feet on edge where his mattress met the headboard, he began to piston his hips into you, chasing his own high.

“Fuck, Jungkook, I’m gonna—again—” You can barely get the words out when your third orgasm is crashing around you, legs shaking from where they’re wrapped tightly around his narrow hips. Your release makes it wetter, and your swollen walls ache to feel his cum fill you.

“Gonna fill you up so good, baby, fuck a—baby into you, fuck, I want to see you carry my—my kid,” Jungkook’s cock is drowning in your essence, and hearing him talk about kids with you causes you to tighten around him, and he’s cumming, long ropes of his hot cum filling you until it’s seeping out around him as he continues to thrust indiscriminately, velvet muscle milking him dry.

Laying skin to skin in his bed, you laugh as the alarm clock numbers alert you to the fact that you had missed the New Year by 38 minutes. 

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook asked, eyes alight as he takes in your smile. 

“We missed New Year’s.”

“We didn’t miss it, we were simply enjoying our New Year’s kiss for longer than most.” He quipped back, fingers tracing patterns along your back. Your own nails were lightly scratching shapes into his chest as you rested your head on his shoulder. You spent the next 20 minutes of the first hour of the new year listening to him explain what happened with the camera strap, though you had already forgiven the incident. 

He wasn’t sure how Somin had the camera strap, though he suspected she stole it from his bag at the cafe. Jungkook told you about the meeting, how it helped him see that you weren’t a rebound; he was in love with you and while it was obvious to him, a part of him wanted to be sure before confessing to you. He didn’t want you to think he was rushing into things to get over his ex. He also apologized for fighting Namjoon, saying he was worried that seeing him fight would change how you viewed him, change his chances of being with you, this time for real.

“I love you, Jungkook, in case you didn’t know.”

“I love you too, in case you didn’t know.” 

“Hmm, but, I think we need to talk about children though, I think it’s a little too soon, despite our parents' ideas.” You giggled, and his cheeks turned red in embarrassment.

“It was just sex talk, we’re still just practicing, okay?”

Stretching, you roll away from his body, and he follows your body heat subconsciously, his body not wanting you far from him after almost a week of radio silence. 

“Hey, get back here, you’re mine.”

“Oh am I?” you teased, staying just out of his reach.

He pouted, accent slipping out as he moved closer to your retreating body.

“Yes, you’re mine, no rules, no contracts; just mine.”

“ ‘m all yours, baby,” you mumbled as you rubbed your nose to his in an eskimo kiss as he gathered you up in his arms, “and you’re mine.”

UPDATE (5.18.21): 1st Prologue is Out Now!

BTW, ily ⟢ summary: Taking place in the To All the Men I’ve Fucked Before (TATMIFB) AU, this pre-story is the backstory to you and Namjoon’s friendship. A year after losing your virginity to Jungkook, you meet Namjoon, who becomes your best friend… and who you want so much more with. Before you and Jungkook get it together in To All the Men I’ve Loved Before, there was BTW, ily.

Thank you all so much for reading! I plan on doing an epilogue and some drabbles to get more insight into the pasts of these characters! I love them so much, I don’t think I am ready to let go. The masterlist will be updated as more are added! TATMIFB Masterlist

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[revenantpoet]

- @RevenantPoet

Text Version:

Carmen Cygni

Love conquers all Love wins All you need is love

There are so many phrases Culminating in a single message That love is power Love is righteous Love always overcomes

I disagree

Not because I don’t want to agree Or that I don’t want to be able to open my heart And know it will be safe And happy And cared for and caring For forever and then some

Love sure feels like that, doesn’t it? In that moment of bliss Like a life raft in a storm A calm amidst the chaos Unsinkable Unknowable Unending

And in those quiet moments, maybe that’s true Maybe in those precious seconds Love is unshakable

But the waves around us are giants They are angry They are careless And they crush us Or at least Those like us

We who step outside the lines of the norm Who dare to love outside the boundaries To break that word That framed definition Of what “love” is And build it anew with our own hands Into something more beautiful than imaginable To love ourselves and others Fiercely Wholeheartedly With no shame

It’s the most powerful kind of love Those threads that connect the different The other The ones who shouldn’t love That should be hated That should fight and die Who deserve nothing When compared To those who are “normal”

And who desires that? Who wants this conditional love? This love tied in thorns Designed to bleed you dry If you try to escape

Our love isn’t pretty It isn’t kind Not to us The ones who invest everything in it Who are this love Embodiment of it and bathed in it Diverse and beautiful and ethereal Bathed in the color of life itself As varied as life itself As beautiful as life itself

It terrifies the others Our careless beauty A threat A whisper of change A fire to the thorns that control them Define them In pain and suffering

And they take those sharp edges Their own restraints And tear us apart In all of our splendor Destroying all that makes us Us

After all They want normalcy And we may love differently We love what they said is forbidden Rotten Wrong Lovely Colorful Different

But we All Bleed Red

Love is beautiful Love is patient and kind Love will show you things New things You never thought possible In yourself In the world In everything

But it is not a shield that will protect us

This beautiful love Cupped in my hands Is more fragile than any glass Even though it shines so brightly Refracting the world into a rainbow

It’s cracked And it’s been shattered Countless times Carefully pieced together again and again Not with glue Not with gold But my own blood and tears My own life not even enough to hold it together

I’ve almost given up— No I have given up Many times Hopeless and lifeless Not having the energy To care To destroy my own Fragile Foolish Heart

But I can’t do that And I don’t want to I never want to forget Even if it would hurt less Because love is weak But it is beautiful It is precious beyond compare It is worth saving

So, no Love does not fight for me Nor does it fight for you Love does not naturally overcome all Not when you’re different When you love wrong When you live wrong When you look wrong

But until my heart slows to a stop While there is still strength In these ancient, tired bones Until my last breath Escapes my lungs And my body collapses My life exhausted While my blood still flows I will fight For a love so beautiful So precious And priceless

It’s worth everything

My brain has been haunted by Vampire in the Garden since I saw it. The overarching themes spoke so deeply to the broken parts of me, so like... all of me lmao. A lot of people have gripes with it, and it's not perfect, but the messages and the earnestness of it spoke deeply to me. And I figured, before Pride's over, might as well try putting some of it to words? 
 I tried to make this split between both Momo and Fine, but man I relate to and love Fine on such a deep level and it definitely slipped through. Anyhow, if someone actually reads this far, I hope you enjoyed, and that all's well on your side of the screen!

[digitalbath1988]

Calla kissed him back, feeling as though it might be the last time. It was incredible, he put so much of himself into loving her, in his strange way. It might never be a fairytale, but it was wonderful.

When they broke the kiss, Calla smirked at the already ruined dress in the mirror, and made a little fake effort to take it off. “Zippers stuck,” she lied. “Mind helping me out, darling?”

One shredded dress and thirty minutes later, their limbs tangled up together as they recovered. She wished it could be like this forever, holding him close to her, the scent of his skin and iron from the blood he’d let. It was too painful to think that she’d go probably months without it. She got up and threw on a large shirt before packing.

The next few days went by in a myopic blur, trying to cram months worth of affection from her family into a day, then traveling. Their final kiss was bittersweet; Calla could have sworn his eyes were glossy as they pulled away.

Her ‘defection’ went off without a hitch. The buildings here almost looked like bulbs on a Christmas tree. She admired them from a window as she heard the dictator speak. “How could The Homelander ever let you go, my dear?” He wound her arm with his and guided her towards a dance floor.

“Oh, I mean, I guess he just didn’t love me anymore. We’ve been together so long, people drift apart. After that, I knew despite him wanting to “remain friends,” I wouldn’t be safe there. I could also never…love again.” She bit her lip and looked down strategically.

“He’s the very symbol of American decadence to us- even the graffiti of our people shows how they despise such a corrupt man. He would not want you for himself, and yet he would not allow you to ever enjoy the touch of another man?” The thickly accented older man asked, his grip on her growing tighter even as they waltzed.

“Yeah, I even heard a rumor that he killed some men even for flirting with an ex-girlfriend. Thank you so much for offering me shelter here, it’s incredibly brave of you.” She replied, every inch the traditional woman. His touch disturbed her, but she pretended it didn’t.

“Don’t you worry, dear. He wouldn’t dare come here.” Calla closed her eyes for just a moment to imagine the man she loved was the one guiding her on the dance floor, that his warm laughter and inappropriate commentary filled her ears. It pained her to open them again, but she rewarded the dictator with a sweet smile. “You’d protect me? But why?”

“To send a message, but… I will admit my reasons are selfish.”

Later that night, wrapped up in her covers, she yearned for the man she loved. She couldn’t resist a call with her burner phone, despite the fact that she knew she’d have only a few calls on it before she’d have to replace it for fear that the line was tapped.

“Hi darling,” she said, holding back a sniffle. They got through the silly mundane updates- Calla brimmed anew with tears as her husband described that their youngest had taken her first steps.

She thought about a slightly stressed out Homelander with two young children hanging off of him, and it made the pain more tolerable. She wondered what life was like for him now, managing Ryan and two young kids and Vought.

“I miss you so much. And I miss the kids. I wish I was home with you.” Her tears broke through despite her best efforts. “Please tell me I’m doing something right.”

@hom3land3r @homeb0ys

A little RP, if there’s interest and you have time. If not, I totally understand! Love you 😊

Calla/Sharpshot looked at her husband, trying to hide a grin that threatened to break through her serious expression. She brandished a stain pen, before just sighing at the amount of blood covering them both.

He’d just returned from comforting some bank tellers who’d seen him remove a thieves head from his shoulders. Calla had smiled pleasantly as he explained the use of excessive force to the most attractive one in the bunch. It killed her not to roll her eyes, but cameras were always on.

It had given her a second to stash both guns under her skirt- not that he needed her support, but it amused him to watch her pick one or two off- and checked the damage in the mirrored brass decor.

The dress that she had gotten for her birthday was covered in blood splatter. (Actually, if she was honest with herself, the dress was probably from his personal assistant. Homelander just did a fantastic job of handing the gift over with a flourish, and a sweet white lie.)

When she compared herself to the bank teller that he was patting on the back, there were the microscopic beginning of a couple laugh lines around her mouth.

“You promised no more, uhhh, of this during date night.” Calla said, keeping her expression playfully annoyed. “And this is a hell of a way to sell me on that gig.”

What Homelander had originally planned to be a thrilling yet clean date night, turned into something…far more messy. Though, he bore the brunt of it, getting himself rather drenched. He hadn’t expected this, but a hero’s work was never done. That and…well, truthfully he had itchy fingers and saw the perfect opportunity to sate that bloodlust.

Comforting the bank teller was run of the mill. The Supe was practically on autopilot, feeding her the same speech he’d said a thousand times over to folk that had witnessed his strength and brutality first hand. It didn’t even dawn on him that she was the most attractive of the bunch, just the one that was more competent. Still, she seemed to take in what Homelander told her despite obviously being in shock. The police were on their way and would deal with matters going forward. At the moment, Homelander and Calla were finished here.

He made his way back over to his better half, noticing the pout on her face. He rolled his eyes playfully with a smile as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Oh, c’mon. You had fun, you can’t tell me you didn’t. You even got a couple of shots in.” He teased back with a chuckle before gently nudging her. “C’mon, we’re done here. Though uh…eating at a restaurant might have to wait.” He said somewhat sheepishly as they left the building.

“The usual? Grab some food and head to the nearest rooftop?” Homelander asked as he gazed at Calla, his expression playful yet soft. A look only reserved for her. “I uh…didn’t mean for this to happen, y’know. Truthfully. Though, it wouldn’t be us if we didn’t get a little…dirty, hm?” He chuckled with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

#12

Their hands were shaking.

The hero had spotted the villain and all their body could manage to do, was making their own hands shake.

Unsurprisingly, the villain was on their favourite rooftop to cause mayhem. Surprisingly, they were alive.

“You!” the hero said, no, shouted. With a turn of their head, the villain made the hero almost stop. They looked beautiful and healthy. They looked alive.

And they smiled. They had the brightest of smiles, almost addicting, almost enough to make the hero forget how hurt they were.

“Me?” the villain asked ever so innocently. They turned fully around and stood up from where they let their feet dangle over the edge of the building. They had something casual about them, just as they always had.

No.

This wasn’t the villain. This couldn’t be them. Half a year ago, they had taken their last breath in the hero’s arms. Now, they were standing in front of them, breathing anew.

The hero was on the verge of tears by now. Something poisonous started to grow in their throat. If this was the villain and no hallucination nor projection of some kind…

“You!” the hero repeated, more broken than before. They stopped in front of the villain, tempted to slap them across the face. To stop themselves from doing such a stupid thing, the hero clenched their hands into fists. The amount of emotions that swept over them was simply too much.

Then, the villain touched them.

They raised their hand and went over the hero’s cheek with their thumb. They even found apparently enough compassion to wipe a tear away. Their skin on the hero’s was the only thing they had been wishing for the past few months. And now that they had precisely what they wanted, they realised in the exact moment, in the sheer rawness of this abstract branch of possibility, that this, was in fact real.

Absurdly real. But this was them.

“Hero, I am sorry-”

“You left me.”

This was the only explanation. This was the only possibility. A cheap trick enough villains in this city had done before.

They hated the villain for being so arrogant. They hated them for leaving them. Through their blurred vision they could make out the few details in the villain’s face they loved so much. The hero cursed themselves for noticing.

“What did you do? Fake your own death?” The villain’s face adopted something deeply sad. Something, the hero had never seen before. Unless they looked into the mirror, still two months after the villain’s “death.”

“Actually, I died. Leaving someone implies there is some kind of choice in the first place. People tend to leave because staying is worse. However, dying isn’t usually something you get a say in.” Smart ass. As so often. They stepped towards the hero, directly into their personal space and their stupid little heart started to break when their nemesis spoke the next words. “Believe me, I would have never left you if I had been given a choice.”

The hero didn’t answer. How were they supposed to?

They just wanted to hold the villain and never let go of them.

“Someone brought me back to life two days ago, that’s all I know. I woke up perfectly fine, as if all had been a bad dream. At first, I thought it was. I was laying in my own bed, nice and clean. Everything was alright. I had a small headache, nothing else. But when I stepped into my apartment, I noticed the dust first. Then, l I turned my phone on and discovered I had lost the last six months of my life.” Oh. Oh.

“I don’t know who that someone is, though. I thought you did it but if you had that kind of power, I think I would have woken up sooner.” That was correct. They would have.

The hero’s muscles relaxed and their brain jumped into detective mode.

Someone with the power to resurrect the dead, running around waking up a villain out of all people seemed rather…deadly. How could someone like this go by unnoticed?

Maybe they hadn’t. Maybe, this was the first time.

Before they could lose themselves in a spiral of thought, the hero looked at the villain again.

The hero’s anger abated when the villain’s innocence dawned on them. They hadn’t betrayed them. They hadn’t even lied to them. They had been killed and woken up a few months after.

This wasn’t even remotely plausible. But the hero was ready to solve this puzzle.

They had always been a fan of whodunnits, anyway.

[chickenmcstucky]

From the Shadows

Bucky Barnes x reader

Angst, fluff || ~2k

She’d been watching him. Always silent, always alone, the White Wolf carried on. When she overhears the plan to test his recovery, she is inexplicably drawn to the place where he - Bucky - will be tested. But the night won’t hide her forever.

She wasn’t supposed to be here. She shouldn’t even know it was happening. A hushed conversation in Shuri’s lab had fallen on carefully tuned ears listening from a vent above. She knew eavesdropping was wrong, but she was drawn to the long-haired man who couldn’t hide the sadness swimming in his crystal eyes.

***

To be honest, she wasn’t sure he even knew of her existence past stolen glances around the palace complex and gentle waves through golden grasses in the border lands where the man kept his home. She knew his story - how could she not - knew why he was there in Wakanda. He sought peace, healing. Safety. He - Bucky, her mind supplied - drew her in inexplicably. Perhaps it was the foreignness of his presence in her home, perhaps the quiet way he carried himself so as not to impose on the world around him, perhaps the wistful longing on his face when he thought no one was watching. But she was watching.

Sometimes, she felt guilty about it; shame for spying on this man’s life when he so clearly removed himself from those around him. Yet she was convicted - a man with such depth shouldn’t be overlooked. He deserved for someone to watch him, to notice him. Her heart broke watching him go about his life alone. She had always had a bleeding heart but this was something new even to her. They had never even exchanged words yet her day was incomplete if she didn’t rest her gaze on his lonely silhouette. She yearned to reach out and touch him, feel him, know him. She sensed a kindness within him and yet her fear of rejection, of overstepping kept her at arm’s length.

Until now. Until she was in the right place at the right time and learned what was planned for that night. All afternoon she agonized over it, terrified it would go wrong, that Bucky would hurt himself or others and retreat further into his shell, never to come out again. She thought part of her heart might die if she lost even this most tenuous connection with him.

***

Now, instead of holding her back from him, her fear spurred her forward into the warm night. The lump in her throat grew with every step along the hidden path to the clearing where she knew she’d find Ayo, find him. Every inch she stole closer to the distant fire brought fear anew she would be caught, reprimanded. Sent away from her blue-eyed boy. She knew she was intruding, was sure he would be angry that some young girl he barely knew was watching this ugliest part of him be bared to the starry sky. Still, she kept on.

Slowly, she crept to the edge of the trees, miraculously unnoticed by the two figures shrouded in flickering shadow. Suddenly the flame jumped, the small fire bursting into the air, and she saw his face. Framed by loose tendrils of chestnut hair, he was beautiful even as his expression twisted in pain. The calm voice of Ayo carried across the clearing to her ears as she realized the process had already begun. Her breath caught in her chest as she watched Bucky’s sobbing form. She ached to run to him, to take him in her arms and shield him from the danger, but the beast was inside him and she was helpless but to watch, and hope for his healing.

Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she watched Bucky’s face contort with pain and fear with every new word that fell from Ayo’s lips, and yet the warrior showed no fear. The girl began to believe it was working, that the broken man could become whole again.

His voice, thick with tears, cut through her reverie. “It’s not gonna work,” he gasped, defeat and terror in his voice. Her heart tore its way out of her chest, yearning to soar to him and revive his fractured soul.

Ayo continued, determined and confident. “Рассвет,” she intoned. “Печь.” Bucky’s chest heaved with gut-wrenching sobs; she could see the fight within himself.

“Девять,” the wretched man grimaced, thousand-yard stare boring into the flame as he battled demons she could not see. “Неопасный,” a fresh waterfall of salty tears escaped her traitorous eyes as she saw the pain etched on his face, saw the tears swimming in his eyes.

“возвращение домой,” Ayo’s voice grew stronger, louder. The moment of truth approached as the flames flickered across their faces, one composed and determined, the other fracturing infinitely. “Один.”

Bucky bared his teeth as she crept forward, her feet moving without permission, inching her closer to the freedom of the clearing. “грузовой вагон,” his glassy eyes spilled over, tears running down his ruddy cheeks.

His body shook violently, his piercing gaze never leaving the fire, as if he feared what he might see if he looked up. His beautiful face scrunched in agony as Ayo’s final word hung in the air, its specter holding the girl’s breath hostage. Enraptured and terrified, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene.

Ayo’s graceful expression gave way to a small smile as she uttered salvation. “You are free.”

This man, this beautiful broken soul that she knew held fathoms of love, kindness, and pain, this brave warrior, crumpled. Disbelief twisted his face as he sobbed, his teary eyes bright in the fire light. Finally, he raised his head as his gaze met Ayo’s in cautious joy.

“You are free,” the kind warrior repeated, and the girl’s heart soared. It had worked. She let out a breathy sob, slapping her hand over her mouth as she realized what she had done. It seemed the pair didn’t notice, and she peered on as Bucky broke down in true sobs, no longer reigning himself in. His heart clear on his face, she saw the relief in his eyes, the agony in his tears, the joy in his red cheeks. This defeated man had finally reached the promised land, and it was tearing him apart. It was tearing her apart; she felt her soul rupture and rebuild around his. Though merely an uninvited witness to this sacred moment, she felt part and parcel now of his new beginning. She felt hope grow within her, and, closing her eyes, she willed it to him.

He clenched his fist to his shaking lips. Hope glimmered in his crystalline eyes; she wondered if it was hers.

An eternity passed as she beheld his reckoning. He racked with sobs, a man brought back from the dead and given a new life.

***

“You can come out now.”

She should’ve known she wasn’t unnoticed. The sharp voice tore her from the trance Bucky’s salvation had put her in. Ayo’s command left no room for running or pleading. She stepped forward into the clearing, revealing herself to the pair.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. Shame pierced her to her core as his eyes met hers across the flames, confusion in his still shining eyes. Then - recognition. Her shame gave way to warmth.

His sweet lips formed her name, and she was reborn. She had never allowed herself to believe he might find her worthy of the same courtesy she had granted him, that he would see her and ache to know her. Yet the care with which her name left his lips left her with no explanation but this. A strange sensation of being known came over her, and she wondered if he shared in it.

Drawn forward by the promise of his teary eyes, she made her way to his side. The heat of the fire licked at her skin, yet she was chilled by the prospect in the air, the idea she might finally share a moment with this man she’s warped her life around these past months of his recovery. Until this moment, neither had realized how deep the other had burrowed themselves, irrevocably building a home in each of their broken hearts.

Caught in a trance once more, neither of them noticed Ayo slip into the darkness, towards the path back to the city.

Still standing over his seated figure, she reached a hand to caress his wet cheek. His eyes fluttered shut as he gently leaned into her soft hand. It felt like a homecoming.

He placed his larger, calloused hand over hers, cupping her nimble fingers in his own as he pulled her hand from his cheek and grasped it tightly. He moored himself to her, no longer adrift in agony and unrest. He was found.

Slowly, he stood and her gaze followed him up, refusing to leave his. Her name left his lips again with a smile. “You’re still watching me, little one? After all this time?”

Heat rushed to her cheeks, but her eyes didn’t leave his. She had been found, right where she wanted. No longer did she need to hide from him.

“I thought you didn’t see me,” she whispered, disbelieving even as his blue eyes stared right into her soul that he would take the time to notice her, to know her.

“You’re all I see, now,” his voice caressed and grounded her as his hand clutched hers tighter, her own hand tightening in return.

Gently, she reached her other hand back to his face and wiped away the lingering tears, yet more took their place as he smiled into her touch. Suddenly he was in her arms as if the earth herself had moved them. His sweet face pressed into the crook of her neck as he sobbed anew, his arms clutching at her sides as she wrapped her own around him, caressing down his back and running her fingers through his unruly locks.

“It’s alright, it’s alright now,” she cooed, heart breaking and mending in tandem with his. She wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, as she gave him the comfort he so desperately craved. A celebration of his renewal, a mourning of his lost past. A vision of their now mingled paths.

Finally, he broke from their embrace. “Ayo...she’s gone,” he said, his voice raspy.

“The Dora do not often dawdle after a successful mission,” she replied. “Her job is done.”

“You are free,” she whispered. “Free,” louder this time.

And - oh. He laughed and her heart ascended to the stars, yearning for more of his sweet sounds.

“Thank you,” his soft voice was convicted.

“But..I did nothing,” she was bewildered. How could he thank her, when she’d merely stumbled upon a forbidden moment?

“I felt your eyes on me, felt you watching from a distance. You made me feel worthy even when I knew I wasn’t,” his voice broke. “You gave me the courage to fight, and to make it to this night. I found myself so that I could look back at you and feel deserving of your grace.”

“But,” she gasped, tears running down her cheeks once more, “how could you feel all that? How could you - me?” she breathed, her eyes widening with incredulity.

Not finding the words to answer, he simply leaned down and pressed his lips to hers with a gentleness that could move mountains. Her eyes drifted shut as he chastely kissed her.

“You,” he affirmed as he pulled back. “You.”

Now his turn to wipe away her tears, his hand lingered at her cheek as he leaned in once more for a soft kiss. Innocent, but filled with promise.

“May I walk you home?” his voice was sure, but the uncertainty lingered in his eyes.

Smiling, “It’s a long walk,” she laughed wetly, the tears not long gone.

“I’ve got time,” his own soft smile matched hers, and he lifted their clasped hands to his lips, brushing her knuckles. His lips met hers once more, and they walked on into the night.

***

[ddeonghwaa]

Can We Fix This? (Jaehyun)

Characters: Jaehyun x reader

Genre: angst, romance

Word count: 5.9k

Hello! This is the sequel of my story “Too Late”. I hope you guys give it lots of love because I’ve been working on it for quite some time! Enjoy!

If you haven’t read Too Late, you can read it here.

“I’ve been really happy for the whole five years of being in love with you, Jaehyun. Thank you for all the memories we’ve shared. I know I’ve done my best for every single moment I had with you in this relationship, so I have no regrets. Regrets… I hope you regret what you did to me and reflect on your actions.”

"I did, I regret my actions so much y/n. Please don’t leave me.”

You shook your head lightly and took a step back away from him. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” You looked at him for one last time, tears brimming your eyes. Tears that looked like fragile crystals, they could break any time. Before you let the tears fall, you said one last thing to him.

“Once you’re done packing my things, leave them outside.”

Your last encounter with Jaehyun kept on replaying in your head although a few days had passed. Breaking up with someone you have loved with your whole heart wasn’t easy. Everything now felt so… empty. You weren’t used to being with your own company.

Never would you have imagined yourself saying that to Jaehyun - who you thought would be the love of your life forever. But things ended up very different from what the both of you had expected. You didn’t want to blame Yewon entirely, because you knew your relationship with Jaehyun at that time wasn’t the healthiest either.

At that moment, as if Yewon knew that you were diving deep into a black hole in your mind about this, a text from her came.

Yewon: Hello, it’s me, Yewon. I’m sorry if I am bothering you. If you don’t mind, I would like to have a talk with you over lunch today.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, “What does she have to say?” At first, you thought of rejecting her invitation because you didn’t have anything to say to her. However, you ended up accepting her lunch invitation to listen to whatever Yewon has to say. Giving her a chance to justify her actions? Maybe you could forgive her then.

-

You immediately regretted agreeing to meet up with Yewon because it just made you feel worse about yourself. The two of you went to a nearby café and sat in front of each other. You hated - no - you despised this atmosphere with Yewon. “Why did you want to meet up?” You started. Yewon cleared her throat and looked at you. “Um, I don’t know if I should say this right now, after your breakup with-”

You shot her a glare when she mentioned about your recent breakup. Who in this whole world would think it was a good idea to bring it up to someone who just recently went through it? Especially when she was partly the reason for it.

“I just thought I’d tell you this. I’m really sorry but I have sincere feelings for Jaehyun,” You flinched when you heard his name, “and I am thinking of dating him seriously. I feel guilty because of you so I thought of asking you first about it.”

You scoffed at the absurd statement. Is this girl for real? The audacity to say this to me after what she has done? You thought to yourself.

Tried maintaining your facial expressions, you replied with an “Oh.”

After what felt like a long minute, you voiced, “You can do whatever you want. It’s not like he is my boyfriend anymore. We broke up, so he can date whoever he wants.”

No. I’m still not over him. I can’t see him dating anyone else. Especially you, Yewon.

You bit your lower lips, trying hard not to break down in front of her. The corner of Yewon’s lips raised as she shot you a smile, “Yeah, but I’m really sorry about your breakup though. I knew getting in between the both of you was wrong, but I couldn’t help it,” she said insensitively.

Her apology didn’t seem sincere and you were trying your best not to smack her in the face. She looks like she’s putting on this show to look like this sweet and nice girl that everyone likes.

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you. But just so you know, Jaehyun really loved me and I don’t think he’d get over me that fast. What you had with him was only temporary flutters, not real love. He only wavered a little, he didn’t fall for you. He remembers every little thing we did together, every single date, every single kiss,” you shrugged and took a sip of the tea you ordered.

“To be honest, I don’t even know if he’d date you because you’d remind him of how we broke up. If you really end up dating him, I hope his memories with me will continue to haunt him and you would remind him of how he broke my heart. Although I got over it already now.”

Liar. You sound the total opposite.

“Yeah but I’ll try anyways because I really want to date him. I really want to give it a shot.”

“Yeah, go for it. You know what, Yewon?” You grabbed the glass of water in front of you and unexpectedly threw the water at Yewon without hesitation. “Don’t you think I at least deserve to do this?”

Yewon’s eyes turned big as she stood up immediately. She was shocked at what just happened and just stared at her dress that got wet.

Yes, this is not a dream. You really did that. You re-enacted a typical scene from Kdramas and it felt so satisfying. You didn’t even know you had the courage in you to do that. Other customers in the café looked weirdly at you and obviously showed expressions of sympathy for Yewon. But you didn’t care anymore. “I know it’s wrong to do that, but I couldn’t help it,” you shrugged, throwing back her own words to her.

“I hope one day you experience the same as I did. I hope you go through the pain I’m in right now because of you.”

“What did you just do?! I know you’re mad, but how can you do that?! UGH!” she shouted as her hands reached for her glass of water to throw it back at you. Your eyes squeezed shut, expecting yourself to get drenched, but nothing happened.

You peeked one of your eyes open and saw a hand stopping Yewon from doing so. A hand so familiar that you almost forgot he no longer belongs to you. It was Jaehyun.

You didn’t know how he magically appeared there but there he was, staring at you in concern. Your heart started beating so fast it felt like it was going to jump out of your chest. Your breathing started to get faster each second and your palms turned cold. Clenching your hands into a fist, you tried to calm down.

I miss you. It’s only been a few days but I miss you so much, Jung Jaehyun.

You snapped back into reality when you heard Jaehyun whisper sadly, “Y/n… Are you alright?” Letting out a sigh, you picked up your bag and gave Yewon a last cold glare.

“Go get your shot,” You started walking away from the two of them, not even sparing Jaehyun a look.

“She started it first!” You heard Yewon complain to Jaehyun right when you left and thankfully her voice faded the further away you got from the café. Every second felt so suffocating with the presence of him. You couldn’t hug or kiss him like you used to. You couldn’t even take a proper look at his face without breaking down right there. You wished you could get over Jaehyun fast. Or sometimes you wished things went back to how they were before Yewon appeared. But it was too late.

-

It has been a tough week after the incident and you couldn’t hang out with most of your friends anymore because the two of you shared a similar group of friends. You shivered at the thought of them asking about Jaehyun and how unprofessional you would react to their questions – like bawling in front of everyone because of heartbroken you were. Yeah, you didn’t want that. Also, you didn’t want to make them feel awkward and walk on eggshells because of the breakup, although they probably already knew by now or have caught on.

The following days were filled with nothing but avoiding Jaehyun. You created this mission for yourself to help you get over him fast. It was difficult because he lives in the same building as you and moving out from your apartment wasn’t really the best option now.

One time, the elevator doors opened and before setting your foot in it, you looked up only to see Jaehyun standing inside. He looked at you softly and pressed the open button to hold the doors for you.

But you weren’t ready to face him. You immediately took a few steps back and turned, running back to your apartment.

“Y/n! Why are you running away from me…” he sighed sadly and closed the elevator doors.

A few days after that, he waited for you in front of your class to talk. When the class ended and you exited the room, he took your hands softly and whispered, “Y/n, can we talk? I have something to say to you. Please.”

“I don’t think I want to hear anything else from you,” you replied as you signalled to your hands, “Can you let go of my hands, please?” Jaehyun’s shoulders dropped as he let go of your hands again. He really didn’t want to let go this time, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

You hated feeling this way about yourself. You kept on blaming how you weren’t good enough for Jaehyun, how you were so foolish to end this relationship when you knew for a fact that you can’t live without him. Your best friend witnessed your breakdowns and she couldn’t stand seeing you suffer like that anymore.

Being the amazing best friend ever, she made appointments at hair and nail salons to give you a treat and to just cheer yourself up. You were so grateful for her, because without her, you would have struggled so much more alone.

You felt bad for yourself for not trying all of these earlier, because looking at Yewon, she was so pretty, always having her hair and nails nicely done. She’s young and knows how to present herself prettily in front of others. You envied her for that. So after so long, it felt nice getting your hair done, getting manicures and pedicures in pretty colours you’ve never tried before. It was like turning a new page in your life, trying to start anew.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, was having the hardest time of his life. He couldn’t understand how you were coping up so well because he sees you smiling in campus from time to time and it broke him more and more.

He couldn’t concentrate in class, stared into space most of the time and looked so dishevelled as if he only showered once every few days. He even got into trouble for not submitting his assignments properly. He had lost weight because he’s not been eating well after the incident. His appetite never came back and he only ate a little to make sure he stays alive.

Basically, life was giving him shit. And it was what he deserved. He had the most precious human being with him for five years and he took you for granted.

Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, it did. His mother decided to visit him that week to drop off some side dishes. She usually drops by every two months ever since Jaehyun moved out from the family house to stay in the apartment located near the university campus.

"You look terrible,” Jaehyun's mother said as soon as she arrives in his apartment.  She fixed Jaehyun's hair a bit and patted his head. “Thanks, mum. Really needed that,” Jaehyun replied in sarcasm as he raised a brow to look at his mother.

“I brought your favourite side dishes and I packed more for y/n too this time. You told me she really liked it last time, remember?” Jaehyun lightly nodded as she placed some of the side dishes in Jaehyun’s fridge and put aside the ones she brought for you.

His heart broke when he heard that because he hasn’t told his mother yet about the two of you. He knows how much she loves you and was hoping for the two of you to get married right after graduation. So, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her about the situation right now.

"Since I’m here, I should go drop by y/n's place too. Let’s go together, Jaehyun. Help me carry all these side dishes. They’re so heavy! I hope y/n enjoys them."

“Umm mum-" He bit his lip and felt genuinely scared. What if you were as broken as him? He couldn’t bear seeing you like that. His mother looked at him with a questioning look, “What?”

He blinked and lightly shook his head, “N-nothing. Let’s go.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but he was curious and wanted to see how you were doing. What if the smiles you had on campus were all just a show? How well were you actually coping with the breakup? Were you eating all your meals?

Jaehyun just wanted to see you.

Jaehyun led his mother to your apartment while carrying all the side dishes she has packed for you. She rang the doorbell, "Y/n, are you at home?"

Jaehyun unconsciously started biting his lower lips harder than usual that it turned so red. I’m finally seeing her after so long. He thought.

Not long after, you replied, “Yes, I am!”

You opened the door and bowed to Jaehyun’s mother politely, greeting her after so long of not seeing each other. Surprisingly, you didn’t look shocked or caught off guard even when you saw Jaehyun standing behind his mother. Instead, he was the one looking shocked with widened eyes. He looked like a lost puppy with sad eyes staring at you.

How much you’ve missed that man standing right there.

You just wanted to throw your arms around him and hug him tightly. You wanted to kiss his cheeks, lips, nose forehead, but you couldn’t. Instead, pushed your feelings aside and focused on his mother instead.

“How have you been, Mrs Jung?” you asked as you led her to the living room. She took a seat on the sofa and softly smiled while looking at you.

"I’ve been well as always. You look extra beautiful today, y/n. I can tell you’ve been well too,” she caressed your hands and patted them softly.

I’m not doing so well though. You thought, but you just smiled back at her in response.

“I brought some extra side dishes for you too this time. Jaehyun told me you really liked the jangjorim (soy braised beef) I made last time, so I packed more for you," she pointed at the containers that Jaehyun was placing on your kitchen counter and you thanked her.  

You turned to Jaehyun, but he avoided your eyes. You knew that he probably has not told his mother yet about your breakup and you understood that. You knew Jaehyun didn’t want to disappoint his mother. So, you just went along with it. Although inside, you were hurting. Your heart hasn’t healed, and it was breaking more every second you glanced at Jaehyun. He looked so lost and unattended. You could feel tears brimming in your eyes but you tried holding it in.

Crying in front of his mother didn’t sound like a good idea.

"So, how's university and studies so far? Doing good?"  Jaehyun’s mother asked as Jaehyun took a seat next to her after arranging the side dishes. You nodded in response, “Yeah we're graduating soon, so things are not that easy, but manageable, I guess. By the way, would you like some tea or coffee? I’ll make them for you.”

She shook her head, “It’s okay, I’m not staying that long but it’s good to hear that you’re doing well,” she cleared her throat and leaned closer to you, “Anyways, I hope you won’t get offended by what I’m about to ask.”

You blinked and slowly nodded, “S-sure.” Jaehyun sensed that something was coming. "Mum-"

Before he could even stop her, she has already thrown her question, "Are the two of you planning to get engaged as soon as you graduate?"

Silence filled the room and you could feel the tension rising.

Jaehyun groaned and ruffled his hair in frustration. “Mum, I told you to not talk about this.” She pouted, “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just curious about you two. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my future daughter-in-law.”

You awkwardly smiled without answering. Suddenly you felt as if there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room because it was suffocating. Jaehyun saw from your eyes how you were hurting and it was so hard for the two of you to be in the same space right now. So, he mustered up his courage and spoke up.

"Mum, listen,” he hesitated and took a glance at you, “We- we broke up. We’re taking a break from each other and it’s all my fault."

Your eyes widened when Jaehyun suddenly said that. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

Jaehyun waited for his mother to be shocked and yell at him for being such a jerk to you. He was expecting his mother to scold you for breaking up with her son. He was ready to face the wrath of his mother and was already expecting the worse. But his mother did the exact opposite.

The atmosphere was unexpectedly calm. It was so calm that it made you feel more uncomfortable.

She calmly placed a hand on top of yours and caressed it gently. "Ah I didn’t know,” she paused, “I’m so sorry for being insensitive about it, y/n. I don’t know what the both of you went through, but I hope you’re doing fine,” she smiled warmly. Her presence was so warm you wanted to just jump into her arms and cry your heart out about how much you’ve been hurting as if she was really your own mother.

Tears filled your eyes to the brim and Jaehyun’s mother noticed that immediately. She knew that the longer they stayed in your apartment, the harder it was for you. She then stood up and took her purse, “We should get going now, Jaehyun. Enjoy the side dishes, yn! Stay healthy, okay?” She smiled at you so dearly and patted your cheeks gently for one last time.

Such motherly love.

You let the tears fall slowly down your cheeks as you greet them out of your apartment because you couldn’t hold them in any longer. Jaehyun saw your tears and his heart broke even more. That’s when he realised, you weren’t doing so well either.

-

Jaehyun sat across Yewon in a café because he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to clarify things so she wouldn’t have hopes of wanting to date him. He knew his heart only belonged to you.

“You broke up with y/n anyways, and I’m partly because of it. You were also wavered by me at that time,” Jaehyun frowned at Yewon’s words, because he knew it was true. However, Yewon wasn’t the girl he wanted to be with. It was true that he was wavered by her when they texted each other daily, but it meant nothing to him.

He sighed. Yewon bit her lower lip and glanced at Jaehyun. “We don’t have to date straight away because I know you just went through a sad breakup,” she paused, “But I will wait for you.”

“Yewon,” Jaehyun started, “Even if a long time has passed after I broke up with y/n and I can date anyone I want, it wouldn’t be you.”

Yewon’s brows furrowed and she looked devastated. “W-Why not?”

“You keep on reminding me of her, so how could I date you?”

She scoffed as she heard his words, “What does that even mean?” Jaehyun let out another sigh, “The only reason I talked to you was because you reminded me of the young y/n I met in high school. So pure and innocent, felt like I needed to protect her always. When you approached me for the first time, you gave off the same vibes as her and that was what made me continue talking to you. You were so similar to y/n.”

Yewon stared at him in disbelief, “What? I-,”

Before she even continued, Jaehyun cut her off, “Don’t be mistaken. It’s not that I can’t date you because there’s y/n in the middle, but the reason I even noticed you was because of y/n.”

“So, what you’re saying is, you weren’t really wavered by me, but only talked to me because I was similar to y/n?” She said sadly, as Jaehyun lightly nodded in response.

“I’m sorry. I’m know that I’m also at fault for giving you hope back then, and I want to apologise for that. That is not something someone with a girlfriend should be doing, and I messed up. But let me tell you something, even if I’ve broken up with y/n now, I don’t have any thoughts of dating you at all. Heck, I don’t want to be with anyone else other than y/n,” Jaehyun took another glance at Yewon and drank his coffee.

Yewon looked so defeated and embarrassed because she was mistaken all along. She thought she could have a chance with Jaehyun after the breakup but unfortunately her plan went downhill.

-

Days and weeks passed as the two of you tried distracting yourselves with the upcoming exams. The final step before graduating college. You knew you couldn’t delve in deeper into being sad because of the breakup because it was affecting you negatively. But at the same time, you also knew how unhealthy it was to dismiss your own feelings.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry when you’re down. Everyone has those days. It will get better.

You tried telling this to yourself everyday and it was one of the coping skills that you realised helped.

But it wasn’t easy.

Traces of each other were left in daily routines and you can’t stop thinking about each other. 

Is it normal for every breakup to be like this?

When Jaehyun ate meals alone, he felt so lonely. He missed being in your company where you had lots to talk about. Your happy, cheerful smiles brightened up his days and now he couldn’t see them anymore. All you ever asked was his attention and that was the least he could have given you, but he failed.

He remembered how much of a jerk he had been during your last few dates before you broke up. How dare he streamed a soccer game when in front of him sitting was the most beautiful woman? Too late for regrets now.

When he went to wash up, he saw your pink toothbrush next to his and remembered the times when you were too lazy to freshen up that he had to carry you to the toilet and make brushing teeth more fun. Jaehyun laughed softly at the sweet memory. Now his days were dull. He didn’t sleep, spent all his nights studying for finals. Bed feels bigger now without you lying there with him. He even spread out all the pillows he had to feel enveloped and cope with the loneliness he was feeling.

The bed depicts so much of his heart right now, empty.

On the other hand, you weren’t doing so well either. On the outside, you looked like you were doing okay. But little did people know you were hurting every night too. When you opened your drawer, you saw some of his hoodies placed in there for him to wear whenever he sleeps over at your place, and now he doesn’t come over anymore. You felt hot tears flowing down your cheeks as you shut your eyes.

You missed him.

You missed his scent, his touch, his presence. You missed having meals with him, watching movies together, cuddling, kissing, and just… loving each other. Maybe you missed Jung Jaehyun. Maybe, just maybe, you wanted him back in your life. You never expected him to affect you so much.

-

It was soon graduation day and you made it. You still weren’t sure how you survived university, but you did. After going up stage for the certificate giving ceremony, you found yourself outdoors at the campus, staring into space.

A lot had happened throughout your journey in university and you couldn’t believe that you even got yourself a degree amid the chaos. You looked down at your degree certificate on your lap and chuckled to yourself at how ridiculous your situation was.

Staying up at night while burning the midnight oils were already so difficult, but adding a breakup on top of that? It was the worst. You swore that you almost gave up a few times, but you didn’t want to affect your future just because of the incident.

Jaehyun didn’t bother you anymore after the day his mother came to visit because he couldn’t bear seeing you heartbroken anymore. He’d always just look out for you from afar, making sure you’re safe. He didn’t want to bother you, so you can study in peace. He promised to himself that he would give you some space and look for you only after graduation.

Now there he was, on graduation day, looking for you after the ceremony ended. In his hands were his folded graduation robe and mortar board. He spotted you from afar and his gaze softened at the sight of you. You also had your robe folded next to you, while you held onto your certificate.

With a thumping heart and nervous palms, he slowly approached you. You noticed a figure coming towards you and looked up. Your eyes matched Jaehyun’s and you swear you could feel your heart bursting. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him, and you forgot how it felt to get butterflies in your tummy. But your gaze turned sad when you were realised that you were not dating him anymore.

“Hey, can I sit here?” Jaehyun asked, signaling to the empty seat next to you. You nodded in response and moved to the side to give him more space.

He sat next to you, leaving a little gap in between in case you felt uncomfortable. “You look really pretty today,” he said, “I mean, you always do.”

“Thank you,” your heartbeat got faster at his simple words and you felt yourself turning red. The wind blew and you could smell his cologne that he usually has on him. The one you bought for him because you really liked the scent on him. You missed this scent so much that it felt so unfamiliar today. But it was nice.

“Congratulations on graduating. Your efforts paid off,” he flashed a sincere smile to you. You turned away immediately because you knew you couldn’t handle looking at him. You could cry any time now because of how much you missed him. But you didn’t want him to know that. You didn’t want to show him the side of you crying because you were the one who ended the relationship. You didn’t want to seem pathetic. “You too. Congratulations,” you whispered.

“How have you been?” he asked. You almost scoffed at his obnoxious question because he obviously knows you weren’t doing well after the breakup. “Good. You?” you said in short.

“Not really.”

You blinked and didn’t reply to his answer.

The breakup happened only a few weeks before graduation and the both of you were still broken because of it. You never really had a proper closure because both kept on running away from each other, avoiding the topic. It’s now finally time to sit alone and talk about it. Just the two of you, nobody else.

“Finals really took a toll on your life, huh?” you joked, trying to make the mood livelier. But you still avoided eye contact, and it just made the situation more awkward. “Yeah. That too,” he replied.

Silence.

Jaehyun sensed that you were avoiding his eyes, so he tried to change the topic.

“Remember when we graduated high school a few years ago?”

You nodded in response, “Yeah. What about it?”

Jaehyun slightly glanced at you and chuckled to himself, “Am I the only childish one who remembers what we said then?’ You raised your brows in confusion.

He replied, “I thought we could conquer the world then. I really thought graduating high school was everything,” he laughed, “But you made me promise to graduate university together too.”

You smiled softly at the fond memory of innocent high school kids graduating. Both of you ditched the rest of your friends to go on a jjajangmyeon (black bean noodles) date together. “Yeah and we made it. We graduated both high school and university,” you replied.

Jaehyun lightly nodded and continued after a few seconds of hesitation. “But I also made another promise.”

He searched for your eyes, and this time, you looked into his sad eyes to listen to what he has to say. “I promised you that I’d take care of you and that I’d never hurt you. Your trusted me with that, but I-,” he stopped and let out a sigh, “I couldn’t fulfil it. I made you think of me as someone who would never hurt you, but I did.”

You turned silent as you listened to him. You felt bad that he thinks this way about himself. You never asked him to be perfect, you just wanted his presence in your life.

“Y/n,” he called. “Hmm?”

“I don’t think I can let go of our five-year relationship just like this. Things were so good for the five years, and only a small part of it went bad. It’s all my fault and I’m really sorry for that.”

You bit your lower lips and fondled your fingers in nervousness. You didn’t know how to reply to Jaehyun and your heart wasn’t calming itself down any moment now. You turned to him and caught his eyes. They looked so fragile, he had tears in them that looked like they were ready to fall any time now.

“I was so caught up trying to do my best for you to a point where I lost myself in between that. It made me scared whenever I think of you finding someone better than me because I know I’m not worth your love. You deserve someone so much better than me, so I tried becoming better. I tried to improve but I found myself getting lost. I sought assurance from someone else to make myself feel better, but it didn’t,” you knew he was talking about Yewon, and you nodded lightly, signalling him to continue while you listen.

“I thought that maybe talking to you less would lessen the mistakes I make, but it ended up making things worse. I was lucky enough that you gave me another chance- heck, you gave me a lot of chances and I blew them all away,” he ruffled his hair in frustration, ruining the hair he had prepared for graduation. Your brows furrowed as you stared at his now messy hair. You wanted to reach out and fix it for him, but he continued talking.

“I love you so much, I don't think I can ever let you go, y/n. The thought of losing you completely because of how I broke your heart hurt me so much that it almost killed me. You can call me a jerk, you can curse the heck out of me, you can leave me now, but I just wanted to say that it will always be you. It has always been you. I can never see myself loving someone else other than you, y/n. And I'm so sorry for hurting you. I regret it so much. I’m- I’m really sorry.”

At the end of his words, Jaehyun was already sobbing. He covered his face with his hands and just kept on crying. Your heart broke at the sight and you felt yourself tearing up as well. You extended your hands and reached out to pat his back gently. “It’s okay,” you said, “It’s okay to let it all out, Jae.”

You wiped your own tears and sniffed silently. “I’m sorry too. I should have trusted you more and gave you a chance to properly explain yourself, but I didn’t. I went along with my anger and broke up with you.”

Jaehyun’s sobs got softer and he looked up to face you. His eyes and nose were red from all the crying, but you still thought he looked adorable.

You chuckled although you still had tears in your eyes, “Do you think we can fix this? Fix us?” You asked him and gave his hair a quick fix. Jaehyun’s eyes widened as you asked that. “Does that mean you’re giving me another chance?”

You softly nodded and smiled.

“That day, when you met up with Yewon at the café after our breakup, a friend of mine was there. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she heard what you said to her and told me. My friend said maybe it could help me be less angry towards you,” you chuckled, “And weirdly, it did.”

Jaehyun sighed in relief and a small smile started to appear on his face. “You told her that you talked to her because she reminded you of me?” he nodded in response to your question. “Then why didn’t you just talk to me? I was always there with you,” you asked.

Jaehyun nodded and slowly took your hands into his. Your hands were so cold because of the nervousness earlier, and the warmth from his felt so nice. As if his warm hands were made to hold yours in them. “I told you I feared making mistakes and hurting you. I wanted to be the perfect boyfriend for you and I still want to.”

You furrowed your brows, “You’re perfect with all of your flaws, Jaehyun. I thought I’ve always told you that. I love you as you are, and I don’t need you to change any bit of it. I love you, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun felt his heart beat fast when he heard that. He held your hands tighter and looked you in the eyes softly. “I love you too, y/n.”

You teared up again and slowly wrapped your arms around Jaehyun to give him a big, tight hug. A hug you’ve been wanting to give him since forever and today you finally had the chance to. Jaehyun returned the hug and wrapped his arms tightly around you too. He whispered, “I’ll never let you go again.”

“Let’s go get jjajangmyeon, just like the old days?” Jaehyun asked when you released the hug, “Anywhere with you sounds great,” you smiled and caressed his cheeks. Jaehyun leaned in and gave you a peck on the lips. Your brows raised and he shrugged.

“Couldn’t help it. My girl looks amazing today.”

The both of you stared at each other for some time and laughed. You went through so much together and now, you were happy you got back with Jaehyun. Jaehyun was also elated because he finally got bac together with the love of his life. “No one else, only you y/n.”

To happier days ahead.

It’s never too late.

    masterlist

Tell me what you think of this piece! Your comments give me lots of strength and motivation to write more and improve. I hope all of you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it.