#taylor: its gonna get worse before it gets better

[ravensmadreads]

TAYLOR - I-

Chapter 6 of Recovery Road

chapter rating: E (18+)

pairing: dieter bravo x f!reader

word count: 9305

chapter summary: a honeymoon of sorts.

chapter warnings/tags: relapse, depictions of drugs/alcohol/actions under the influence, dubcon because neither character is sober, lots and lots of smut

a/n: this chapter is particularly bittersweet for me. so begins the continues the downward spiral. highly recommend reading this on ao3 so you can see the proper formatting for the text!

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“Refill on your whiskey, sir?”

His fingers hover over the keyboard on his phone. Her question broke his concentration, if there had been any at all. He has rewritten that last line at least three times now. 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

The flight attendant smiles at him, a tall brunette with a bob down to her chin. If she recognizes him, she gives no indication.

“Your whiskey, sir. Would you like another? We still have an hour before we land.” 

He rattles the plastic cup that’s mostly ice water now and then throws the remnants back. He nods.

“Thanks.”

She takes the cup and puts it in the trash bin in her trolley. She unscrews the bottle of Buffalo’ Trace before preparing a new cup. 

This early, the plane is mostly empty. The lights are low, the air is warm, and most passengers are asleep. The flight attendant speaks softly as the plane rattles in the wind. 

“Is this your first time visiting New Orleans?”

He nods.

“On your honeymoon?” She nods to the woman asleep in the seat next to him, her head on his shoulder. He spins the gold ring on his finger with his thumb. 

“Something like that.” 

She wipes the bottom of the cup with a small napkin before giving it to him.

“Congratulations, then.” She smiles brightly. “As they say, laissez le bon temps rouler.”

The trolley squeaks as she rolls down the aisle, gently asking those still awake if they’d prefer coffee or anything stronger. Beneath the half-closed window blinds, a strong pink light peaks through. 

His glance returns to his phone. He still hasn’t sent the text he means to. It won’t go through this high up, but he doesn’t want to look at it once the plane lands. 

He looks at the woman next to him. His heart swells. He kisses her forehead. He goes back to his phone, types the first thing that comes to him, and taps send. 

It’s not his problem right now. It’s not going to be for the next two weeks. Two weeks and he has to be back in Los Angeles to start touring for the press junket. He intends to make the best of it. 

He clicks the phone to lock it, and he slides it back into his jacket pocket. And without much thought or hesitation or anxious overthinking, he slides off his wedding ring and pockets that too. 

He picks up the sleeping woman’s hand and kisses her knuckles. She stirs in her sleep and he smiles. 

Maybe it’s the second glass of whiskey he’s had in two years, but he feels good about this.

His last text sits, waiting for reception. 

 

“Dieter, you cannot be serious.” 

He slips his hand into yours and kisses your knuckles. He can do that here. “I am.”

You let yourself be dragged, mouth agape, as he guides you past a cobalt blue swimming blue, lined by red brick. Your baggage bumps and clatters as it knocks over the ridges. He leads you through a green door, where the French Colonial style homes have been refurbished into individual rentals. Black metal railings puff and curl on the upper balconies. Pastel green shudders line white windows. Flowering dogwood trees bend and wave in the breeze from their stations in the courtyard between doors. 

He leads you down to unit 162, gold and embossed on the front of a green door. Grinning over his shoulder, he unlocks it with a comically large brass key. 

“Hey, now, I’ve seen Skeleton Key,” you tease. The humidity in the air makes his curls extra tight, scooping up the back of his neck. “This isn’t going to end badly for me, is it?”

“Depends on how you define ‘badly’,” he shrugs and shoulders his way through the door. 

Inside is a gorgeous kitchen that manages to straddle the old and new. Modern appliances tuck up against the wall on the right, while on the other wall sits a beautiful square kitchen table, with fat knobs and white molding. Above the table, the entire wall is made of chalkboard.

You frown at the French written there in an elegant hand.

“What does that mean?”

He shuts the door behind him, smiling. “It’s an old Creole saying. It means, let the good times roll.”

You smirk at him, eyebrow raised. “Expecting a lot of good times here, Mr. Bravo?” 

His hand takes a big squeeze of your ass as he pulls you into his chest. You giggle as his sharp nose trails along your cheek. 

“It’s certainly on the itinerary.” 

He can almost smell the desire that flickers within you. You bend your head to catch his mouth, but he turns away at the last minute. He runs his finger underneath the strap of your white dress. It's currently in the running for his favorite of yours, tied only with those fucking denim shorts. 

“Go look upstairs. I’ll get our bags.”

Your cork heels clatter as you bounce up the white wooden stairs. He smiles to himself when you gasp. He takes your bag and his and follows you up.

The white shutter doors are flung open to tempt some bayou breeze, offering the beautiful view into the courtyard below. From this cottage, you can see over the private wall, down into the street on the other side. You smell sugar and molasses, and you sigh. Inside is a white bed with a brass frame. The tan walls are offset by a single wall of red brick, similar to the pathway outside. Above you, a fan spins, a much needed relief to the humid heat. 

You stand out on the porch, clearly enjoying listening to the music that can be faintly heard from Jackson Square, hands wrapped around the railing. The breeze blows your dress and any remaining anxiety around the phone in his pocket is gone. 

He hasn’t heard from Chloe.

He hasn’t heard from Heidi. 

He’s made a decision. It’s time to fucking commit. 

Finally allowed to, finally where no one could see, he joins you out on the porch and tangles his hand into your hair. He thumbs the curls there encouraged by the humidity and with a sigh, he presses his lips to your hairline at the back of your neck. You wait until he pulls back, to turn over your shoulder to him, his arms ensnaring your waist.

“This is beautiful, Dieter,” you murmur as you nose his jaw, your hand scratching the back of his head. “I don’t know how you found the most perfect place, but you did.” 

“I want to take care of you, baby.” You smell like lemons and lavender, as he runs his nose against the length of your neck. “I want to show you how much I care.”

You stiffen momentarily before folding into his open arms even more. 

The cottage block is quiet, discrete, and rather empty of prying eyes. He intends to take you out, to let you wander as any other normal couple in the Crescent City, but not just yet. His hands rub up your sides, thumbing your exposed skin on your shoulders where the shoulder straps are tied together. The sweet smell of powdered sugar in the humid wind and the curve of your neck is making his mouth water. 

“Besides, I’m making up for my other decisions. One regarding an office and a very sturdy desk,” he whispers in your ear, delighting in the way you shiver from just his words. Delicately, he slides up the hem of your dress and squeezes your thigh as a reward. His hand travels up, then in, and his finger brushes the line of your panties. 

“I’m suddenly very interested in your apology.” You turn in his arms, the bunched up fabric of your dress running against the front of his jeans and he has half-a-mind to take you on this goddamn balcony in the open air. Because he can. 

“Hmm, it’s going to be very long.” 

He eases your legs up and around his waist and your arms glide over his shoulders. Your breath smells like the gum and champagne you bought at the airport. He swears he can see your pulse point flicker on your throat.

“Oh? And?”

“Very complicated.” 

He carries you back into the room and folds you backwards onto the bed. Your cheeks are flushed from the warmth outside as you slide your feet out of your heels and he positions himself in between your legs. You drop onto your back, fingering his belt. 

You mock-frown. “Complicated? Oh, I dunno if I can follow along.”

The two whiskeys he’s had are thrumming in his veins, wants to taste that biting sweetness off your mouth again. He takes you by the heel and kisses your ankle, his other hand diving under your dress and back up to your panties. Your eyes flutter when he finds the spot he wants. He drops your ankle over his shoulder and steps forward, closer. You’re losing the ability to speak –  he can tell by the way your mouth parts as his thumb rubs your clit through your underwear. 

“You won’t be able to do much of anything, once I’m done with you.” 

“Dieter–,” you’re already getting impatient. 

“Oh, don’t ‘Dieter’ me. What’s the saying, good things come to those who wait?”

“I like the other one more. Especially the part about things rolling.”

You grab at his wrist and, as if to demonstrate, roll your hips against his fingers, trying to angle them where you want. He smirks as he twists his hand and grinds the heel of his palm into your clit, his fingers stroking you through the fabric. He nearly loses himself when he feels just how wet you are. The thin strip of underwear you so foolishly decided to wear is hardly anything more than damp twine now. 

You whine as he gathers your slick with his thumb and crowns your clit with it. “Dieter, c’mon.”

“I told you I was gonna go slow. Maybe I need to be reminded of what comes next. What do you need, baby?” 

“Your fingers,” you huff, eyes half-lidded as you watch his forearm flex, not being able to see but instead, feeling exactly what he’s doing to you. Do you always close your eyes when you come? He wonders. 

“You have them.” He steps closer, your ass against his thigh. 

“I want them inside of me.” 

Grinning like the bastard he is, he drags your underwear off one hip, then the other, then he rolls it up your thighs – you gasp when you see just how completely destroyed they are, slick making them sticky – and he tosses them by the luggage. 

Your eyes drop shut when his warm hands return near to where you need them most, but not quite exactly. He’s kneading your thighs, your ass, dragging his middle finger up through your slick and sucking on it. He hums, lips all the way down to his knuckle, and you drip more at the thought of sucking him off. 

“What do you want?”

You swallow, mouth dry. “F-fingers. I want your fingers. Inside of me,” you clarify, as you learn how to ask him properly. 

There should be an award for the amount of restraint he shows by not flipping up your dress and watching as he slowly presses his finger into your pussy. He wants to watch, but he also wants you a little bit angry with him, teased to the point of frustration, so he explores you with his finger. And then a second one. 

Your walls pinch his fingers and your back arches. “Oh, yes, Dieter, that’s it.” 

He brushes and strokes and fucks you with his fingers. Slowly. Methodically. He follows every line of your face, every twitch of skin, as you frown with pleasure. Your nails bite his wrist, your other land flat out next to you, fingers clenching the blanket. If there are stories of the Legendary Dieter Tongue, there had to be fucking songs about his fingers. 

He groans and drops your ankle from his shoulder, pushing your thigh to the side and exposing more of you. 

“Do you like this, baby? How you’re spread out for me?”

You nod, bottom lip chewed beyond recognition. He curls his fingers and you moan, the sound stifled and muted. He gently presses down on your lower abdomen to feel himself fuck up into you.

“I’ve already opened your legs. Do I need to open that mouth too?” He leans over you, somehow getting even deeper with his fingers, the sound lewd and squelching. He kisses you on the corner of your mouth because he wants to keep your lips parted. “You have to be loud for me, okay?”

You huff, skin pink, and nod. 

“Let me hear you say it.”

“Yes, Dieter. I’ll be loud for you.”

“Good girl.” And he adds a third finger. The stretch is exquisite and you let him know with a moan that digs into the ceiling. 

“Told you you’d like it if I took it slow.”

“Yeah,” you mutter, voice strained. “But I want it rough later. I need it, Dieter.”

That intensely satisfies him. He beckons you towards the edge just for that. He thumbs your clit in purposeful, deliberate circles as his fingers curl and twist inside of you. “We’ll stay here as long as you need it, alright, baby? For as many orgasms as you can give me. And speaking of, I’d like one now. Please.”

Maybe it’s the low gravel of his voice– laced with need and want – or the faint tease of his mustache and beard against your throat, or it’s the final relief after a thousand denials. For once in your life, you listen to him and the orgasm sparks out from your core and up through your spine. Your back, hips, shoulders arch off the bed as that wildfire sends you into orbit. 

He should make you clean yourself off him, but he wants that scent, wants his fingers coated in you. He watches you ride your orgasm and he licks his fingers. His pants are unavoidably uncomfortable right now. As you spiral back down from your high, he takes you by the waist and pulls you up near the head board, to give himself enough space to lie down. 

“Fuck, Dieter . . .” 

“I hope you do,” he grins as he bends your knees, planting your feet wide enough for him to get between your legs. You do your best impression of exasperation while still trying to remember which room you’re in. Your skin is glowing from sweat. 

He knows he’s sweating too, feeling it in the valley of his spine, and he doesn’t want to overheat this quickly. While you finally center, he takes off his shirt with one hand over his head. He unzips his pants and your eyes widen, hips arching up, so eager and willing to take him.

He kisses your knee. “Not yet, baby girl. This next one is for me.” 

He peels down the hem of your dress and his mouth floods with spit. 

Your cunt is pink, swollen from the pump of his fingers. It’s wet and your curls are wet and he knows that is the only thing in the world he needs to drink when he’s so parched. You ache to be filled again. 

Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

He hums in appreciation and drops to his elbows between your legs. His bare shoulders up against the back of your thighs and his fingers pressing into the creases of your hip, he spares a glance at you. 

Your chest is flushed, breath hitching, and your hair has fallen down from its bun. You can feel his breath on your exposed cunt, the burn of his beard feeling as warm as though you held your hand out over an open flame. 

As an actress, you are confident, striking, and serious. 

Under him, you’re reduced to pathetic whines and humping the air. 

“Baby, please,” you huff, voice small as if truly uneasy. 

He licks one bold stripe up the length of your cunt, swallowing your slick like he would chase an errant drop of melting ice cream– and then he goes back for seconds. 

It’s not sweat-drenched whiskey. 

It’s better. 

“Oh, Dieter,” you sound on the verge of tears. He strokes as far as he can reach with his tongue, before sliding it back out to wrap warmly around your clit. He sucks once and your hands fly to his hair. He sucks again and your moan is strangled, coming deep from inside of you. 

He holds you to him, mouth and tongue wrecking every single sensitive part of you they can reach, his gaze on your face. He adds his fingers back in as reward for yanking so divinely on his hair. 

He doesn’t feel like he’s conquering, though he should. After all those fights, he finally managed to make you incoherent, but watching your face contort with pleasure, your moans making the heartbeat in his neck spike, he instead feels more possessive. This isn’t a stupid fuck for him. This might not even be to get back at Chloe. This doesn’t feel like backsliding. How he feels about you is entirely unique to any of the other fucked up shit in his life. This is different.

Mouth more attached to you than if he had fangs, he eats you whole. He grinds his hips into the mattress and the rough rub of the zipper on his hard cock makes him groan wet, damp air into your pussy. 

You vibrate against the sensation, as if you are overwhelmed. He drops his forearm across your hips like a steel bar. He’s not letting go until you rattle out a second orgasm. He tongues that one spot that made your breathing stop with his fingers inside of you. That white hot heat inside of you is blooming, the fires expanding every time you look down and make eye contact with him. He’s watching you with determination and focus as though you were an intricate puzzle he wanted to pick apart, its guts all exposed, and remake to hear it click. 

He’d rather be flung into the sun than take his mouth off you but he can’t talk to you the way he wants. He mouths the words in between licks.

You’re so fucking beautiful.

I can’t stand it when I’m not around you.

Your cunt is so pretty. 

I wanna fuck you on all fours but I know your legs won’t work after this. 

You’re not allowed to come for anyone else but me. 

He takes off his mouth for a moment, you hiss at the emptiness, and then he blows warm air all the way up your cunt before taking your clit into your mouth and sucking, adding his three fingers again.

Ecstasy makes black spots cover your vision as he carries you through another orgasm, pleasure sparking out from your core again, your muscles locked in sweet rapture. He swallows and laps up your release into his mouth, greedy and eager. Your hips jerk and he stays latched on, thumb rubbing what could be comforting smooth circles over the bunched up fabric of your dress – if his hand wasn’t so fire hot. 

He thinks you were close to squirting and he remembers that little spot on the left side for later. 

He leans back onto his heels, chin, cheeks and the end of his nose glistening, as you sink into the mattress, your legs and back muscles spasming slightly. 

In all your jerking and bucking, the strap on your shoulder became undone. The top of your dress is uneven. 

He finally lets himself picture what he only suspected earlier. You are absolutely not wearing a bra. He strains in his pants. He palms himself, knowing he’s not going to last but he needs to see those pretty tits of yours bounce. The last time he fucked you, he could only imagine. The time “before” that, they were bound with tape and he refused to look at them anyway. 

“Baby, can I?” 

You tear your eyes away from his swollen red cock, visible through his zipper. He’s fingering the other strap’s knot, waiting for permission. You nod, your irises swallowing the lovely color of your eyes. 

He plucks the strings loose and, pinching the fabric by your waist, he gently tugs your dress down. You arch as the hem drags across your sensitive nipples and he groans when your tits bubble up as the dress gets to your ribs. He continues pulling, his heart pounding in his ears, and then you’re naked for him. He takes in a breath and your cunt throbs at the sound of adoration. 

He feels it. His brain inhales this moment in a snapshot, a flash and a pop of smoke, before he’s ready. This moment will always be there. 

You’re scrambling to meet him as his fingers dig into your hips to pull you up. His arm digs around your back, pressing the back of your neck towards him as he kisses you desperately, wildly, as though some sort of apocalypse was minutes away from unleashing hell on earth. His forearm hooks around your low back as he pulls you into his lap, thighs tense. 

His nose and mouth run the length of your neck. He feels your pulse jump under his lips and there he finally uses teeth. He bites you and sucks just enough for your hips to jolt in his lap. Hickeys are not part of taking it slow but desire is rubbing itself up his spine, his cock so hard it was painful. He palms your breast, gathering the weight and flicking your exposed nipple. He ducks his head to taste the sweat as it runs from your throat down your under the swell of your breast. 

He slips his pants down and off, with your arms around his neck. The second he’s freed, you crowd him, hand dropping to his lap to squeeze him. 

“Don’t,” he hisses, “later. Need to be inside of you, now.” 

With shocking strength and dexterity, he picks you up by your thighs and hauls you to his chest. You reach back, finding him below you and slowly, slowly, slowly sink down. 

He was right. He took his time with you and now, with a single thrust of his hips, he’s inside you with barely any resistance. But –

“Fuck, Dee, the stretch,” you gasp into his ear, head tucked into his shoulder. He murmurs filthy secrets of desperation, mapping you from the flush of your ass, all the way up to the knot of your spine in his hands. He has you, you’re here. You want him. You want his cock. He tugs your knees around his hips, shifting him inside you. From collar bone to pelvis, you are skin to skin– your breasts pressed flat against his chest, your stomachs riding up against each other, you’re seated on him and he is fully inside of you. He grinds his teeth, his mouth pressed up to your shoulder, and then, his hips roll in and out of you, an inch at a time. 

Slow. Tense. Filthy. 

You whimper.

“That’s it. Take it, baby, take all of me.” 

It’s almost too much. You’re sensitive and sore from your other orgasms but just as the last one ebbs, another one is kindling, pleasure knotting again and again in your core. He fucks you almost like he’s bored– playing with a toy, a cock-sleeve, a place to rub one out. But it’s the drag, the controlled thrusts– he’s making sure you feel every slide and touch of his cock inside you. His pace is maddening. 

He pulls away from clutching you to him, pulls back to look you in the eyes. His hands slide and grip you by the hips, pushing you down so that his thrusts are that much deeper, almost painful. You tighten your grip around his shoulders, burying your face into his neck, the sweat and the heat radiating from him like a solar flare. He knows you need it hot and fast but he doesn’t want it to end yet. He knows he’s being mean, too much teasing, overstimulation. 

He fucks you like he’s trying to break something. Or fix something. He squeezes his eyes shut, breath ragged and mouth parted. He cups the back of your head, the smell of your hair making his eyes roll back in his head. 

“Tha’s right, baby, hold on t’ me. Grip me. Let me do the work. I’ll get you there. I’ll do it.” 

“Dee, please, move faster,” you moan. “I’m almost there. Just give it to me.” 

He tightens his grip on you again, easing you against his chest – he’s trembling, control slipping– but he doesn’t change his pace. It’s steady, it’s constant. Your orgasm is staggering, lumbering towards you, so large and all consuming you almost fear the weight of it. 

“I can finally-finally fuck sweet baby’s pussy the way I want to.” He puts a hand to your cheek, your jaw, upturning your face to him to kiss you. He thrusts lazily and you feel like you’re going to drown. His back is damp. He’s so warm. “I’m gonn-nuh— make it last.”

“Fuck– please. Please. Dieter, I wanna come. Please.” Your voice is wet, like you might cry.

He can’t resist begging. Or praise.

“Gimme one more like this and I’ll fuck you like you want, alright?” 

You squeeze your thighs around his ribs, the only sign you can give him that yes, you’re listening, yes, he’s wrenching another orgasm out of you– thank you, Dieter, oh God, Dieter – 

Just as you crest the wave, he shifts up onto his knees in a particularly brutal stroke, holding your knees to his waist, his other hand wrapped tightly around the curve of your shoulder— and starts jackhammering into you. 

It’s like he’s rung a bell inside of you. 

“Oh, shit—,” 

You can feel your body ringing. 

Your next orgasm nearly knocks the wind out of you. You call his name – “I’m here, baby, tell me what you need,” – and his fingers dig deeper into your shoulders. There’s no comedown, you’re still coming, as he rams his hips into yours. 

“I’ll give you anything you want – just keep saying my name.”

You aren’t sure you’re actually saying anything over babbling words of praise, his name, and some blend of it all. 

The puffy pain around your cunt makes you dizzy and now there’s wetness all over his thighs. You arch in his arms as your orgasm steam-rolls you flat, eyes rolling in the back of your head. The steady buildup then his new pace hits you like a train as the detonation in your core sends you into orbit.

“Oh, fuck, that’s it, baby—,”

Three strokes later, he tumbles over the edge after you with a gut-deep groan. 

You’re marked in his fluids and he’s marked in yours. 

He’s shaking as he lowers you down and your limbs slip off him, every ounce of strength and control seeping from you and into the mattress below. You’re both sweat-streaked and panting, the humid air nearly drowning you. With a care you certainly couldn’t have performed, he crawls back, and one more aftershock leaves you trembling all over. 

Dieter is red faced. He’s got crescent-moon indents on his shoulders and neck. It smarts but he’d leave that pain for days if he could. Though a little-light headed and desperate for water, he slips his cock out of you, his hand on your knee. He pushes your knee to the side, just enough to watch his cum leak out of you. He scoops it with his thumb and pops it into his mouth. His eyes close as he sucks. 

“Jesus Christ, Dieter,” you moan, flopping your arm over your eyes as if another minute of watching him will send you into another tailspin. 

He chuckles weakly and moves your knee to crawl into the empty bed beside you. He tucks his arms up under the white pillow and tries to breathe, his perfect ass exposed to the air. Your last few pants are louder than the spin of the ceiling fan. It might be several minutes, if not hours before feeling returns to your limbs.

“So why New Orleans?” You ask, only a little breathlessly, your arm still over your forehead. 

“Are you kidding me?” He lifts his head, the hair at his temples darker than the rest of it. He’s only marginally offended. “Sex like that and that’s the first thing you say?” 

“Well, there were other things on my mind,” you shrug against the pillow beneath your head. “That was the only thing that was coherent enough to voice out loud.” 

“Damn fucking right.” He kisses your overturned wrist before rolling onto his back with a groan so deep, you’d think he was restarting. “And I, uh, don’t know. I’ve always wanted to go see Jackson Square and I think I’ve been kicked out of my own house, so now seemed like as good a time as any. I just need to be in a place with a lot of people right now.”

You lift your head as if expecting to see a full orgy at the foot of the bed.

“Well, you might be off track there. With the tons of people thing.” 

He smirks and adjusts to his side. He cups your jaw in his hand, thumb on the other side than his fingers. With an encroaching dark haze in his eyes, he lowers his hand around your throat. Not squeezing. Not even putting any pressure. But just a reminder. A thought. A promise.

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” 

You press your chest up against his forearm, tilting your head back to give him more room. You’re not actually interested in more sex but it’s this game you play. Coin flip. See who can survive the longest. 

“You did promise to be rough with me next time.” Your fingers tighten around his wrist and at your hip, you can feel his cock twitch. 

His hand compresses once around your throat before he lets go and lets out a deep sigh. He pulls away, huffing, and collapses back onto the bed. 

“And people call me crazy.” 

You smirk, now completely satisfied. You stretch like a cat in sunlight. But then something he said earlier makes you frown. You roll up onto your elbows, looking down at him.

“I didn’t know you were kicked out of the house. Why did you say anything?” 

He takes the inside flesh of his cheek and worries it between his teeth. He’s not sorry, exactly, but this is not at all where he wanted this conversation to go. “Thought it was kinda obvious when I asked you to come with me to the airport at three in the morning.” 

You stare at him, something transfixed in your gaze, before you nod. You lean forward, a curtain of your hair closing off you and him from the rest of the world. His stomach flip-flops; rarely do you let anyone see this soft side of you.

“I’m glad you did,” you whisper as you kiss him, gently, patiently, sweetly. “It’s not like this with other people. For me.”

Beneath the curtain of your hair, it’s just the two of you. He strokes your cheek with his thumb, awe-struck that he finally has you. He feels it humming under his skin, his want for you, itching to dig his fingers in. It’s a high unlike he’s ever known. “You’re all I have, you know. Even when you don’t want me, I’ll still want you.”

“I always want you.” 

When you finally pull away, the light outside the window has gotten heavier, shadows forming in the corners. 

“Sun’s going down,” you say, the light of the (still) open shutter doors making the outline of your head glow. “Probably cool enough to wander the streets, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, in a little bit.” Looking up at you, he tucks your hair behind your ear. In the warm late afternoon light, you’re radiant and he is transfixed. Finally, all mine. “I think there was something about a promise in there.” 

Your eyes twinkle as he pulls you back down on top of him.

   It’s nearing ten o’clock when you’re finally seated at your table. The restaurant is dark, hidden away from the noise of Jackson Square and Bourbon Street. The only indication that anything existed inside of the low, squat building was a copper sign, a cut out in the shape of a Magnolia tree. But Dieter seemed to know where he was going, going on about having heard rumblings about the jazz music and grilled oysters. He simply walked into the unmarked building with all the confidence you’d expect from a man so boldly named Dieter Bravo.

The hostess seated you in the corner, each table designed with half walls, making them slightly enclosed like a carved out egg. The set of the man with the cello on stage in the front of the room ends and you clap softly, along with the rest of the room. Except for Dieter. He’s flipping through the bourbon offerings and has his hand on your thigh. A gentle hum grows in the room as its occupants return to hushed conversations before the next act arrives.

When he told you to bring a nice dress, he couldn’t have fathomed this is what you would bring in his wildest dreams. 

It’s long, gossamer, and so dark blue it looks black. The front is held up with a silver halter that connects around the back of your neck, exposing your sinful chest. But his favorite might be the back. Or rather, the lack thereof one. The material cups your chest, but drops like a chandelier down at the back of your ribs. It flows and pools at the base of your spine and the instant he saw you in it, he had you pressed up against the nearest wall to lick your shoulder blades. 

“Dieter, I will strangle you if you mess up my hair,” you huff breathlessly while at the same time digging into his own curls. 

“Why are we going out? Whose stupid fucking idea was this?” He rubbed the crotch of his dress pants up against the curve of your ass, as if he hadn’t actually had his cock in you from this angle less than an hour ago. After a bottle of champagne to celebrate, the shower to finally clean off hadn’t really gone as planned. 

“You made the reservations, dumbass,” you said before hissing as he sucked the soft spot below your earlobe.

He still can feel the bubble of the champagne under his skin, in his mouth. Still pouring over the bourbon selection, he mouths your shoulder, gently using teeth. He’s being overtly playful, the low lighting and single burning candle at the center of the table as the only nearby light source making him even more daring. But he knew he’d be admonished – it was too much in public and –

His breath catches in his chest when you lift your hand slowly from the edge of the menu and palm him over his pants. Like him before, your eyes don’t leave the menu, as if morbidly interested in the catch of the day from the Pontchartrain. 

“Don’t dish out what you can’t take, Bravo,” you say lowly, cupping the curve of his shaft before dragging your fingers back up to his crotch. 

“Th-that’s cheating,” he hisses, fighting the urge to roll his eyes back in his head. “I wasn’ even close to touching you anywhere n-ngh-near there.” 

“Well, that sounds–,”

“Is that fucking Dieter Bravo?” 

You retract your hand so fast, it bangs the table underneath, as you both look up to watch a young man with bright blonde hair, a blue suit, and an annoyingly punchable face approach the table.

He snags the chair from another table, twirls it around, and sinks into it like he owns the place. And judging by the Jaeger LeCoultre watch around his thin wrist, he very well might. 

Dieter blinks as his pale face solidifies in the half-dark. “Oliver? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Come now, dear boy, that’s no way to greet an old friend.” His posh accent speaks of boarding schools and yacht clubs. “Especially one you haven’t seen in ages.”

Those pale eyes slide to you and his lipless mouth drops open.

“Well, if I had someone half as stunning as you to keep me company, I too would fuck off and not look back. Oliver Hastings, madam.” He reaches out across the table and you take his hand, which he quickly presses to his lips. His blue eyes sparkle in a way that makes Dieter put an arm around you. You don’t look at him, but a small smile uncurls across your lips. 

“Pleasure to meet you. Where did you two meet?”

Oliver and Dieter exchange knowing glances. 

“A club in the Netherlands. My people knew his people,” Oliver says, simply. It was as close to the truth as time allowed.

“I never thought I’d see you in New Orleans,” Dieter says, genuinely surprised. “Didn’t figure this was your scene.”

“Oh, it’s not.” Oliver sniffs. “What are you drinking and can I have some?” 

He pokes a pinkie into each of your drinks, unimpressed.

“I’m here on business,” he continues and turns to wave down a waitress. 

“You don’t work, Oliver,” Dieter says, smirking. “You never have.”

“One of the pleasures of being distantly related to the Queen of England, I suppose,” he says when a waitress comes and asks for their drink orders. You gape up at Dieter while Oliver looks away. 

“That Queen of England?” You hiss at him and he grins.

“A bottle of your most expensive bourbons and three glasses. They do drink bourbon here, right? That’s a thing?”

Dieter nods, still grinning. For all his immediately off-putting mannerism, there was a charisma about Oliver that one could perhaps only buy. 

The waitress leaves to get their order and Oliver inches closer and wraps his arms over the back of the chair. 

“So, yes, on here for business, not that kind of business, but the other kind of business. The kind of business that the wealthy elites and ravers alike all fall over themselves to get.”

“I wonder if that sort of thing is hard to get through customs,” you smirk over the dredges of your red wine. 

Oliver stares at you as if seeing you for the first time all over again. And then he smiles wickedly.

“I’m sorry, I just cannot get over the fact how stunningly gorgeous you are. Did I already ask your name? You’ll have to forgive me if I’ve forgotten, I haven’t slept in three days.”

“I’m Natalie Lorraine. I’m Dieter’s co-star in an upcoming movie.”

“Ahh, well, that explains a lot of things, doesn’t it? American movie stars are rather quite fit, aren’t they? Much more than our old birds back home. Well, I can already guarantee that I’ll be first in queue to buy a ticket.” 

The waitress returns with the drink and glasses. “Thanks, love,” Oliver says and hands her a one hundred dollar bill. “I’ve got it from here.”

Shocked by the tip, the waitress nods and wanders off. 

Oliver uncorks the bottle and begins pouring out three fingers for everyone.

“Oli, you still haven’t told us what exactly you’re doing here in New Orleans,” Dieter teases. He runs his thumb nail lightly over your shoulder and in return you put a hand on his thigh. 

The British man smirks and caps the bottle. “I still haven’t told you what exactly I’m doing here in New Orleans. And I could. Or I could just show you.”

In a move that would have impressed the most skilled of card sharks, he coaxes out a small plastic bag from his sleeve with his middle finger. 

Inside are three gold dots on white cards. “They call it Stevie. Because it looks like gold dust when you rub it on your skin. Or put it in your drinks.” 

You sit forward and Dieter’s fingers nudge the knots of your spine. “What is it?”

“Bit like ecstasy, bit like Molly. None of the bad comedowns.”

Dieter snorts and chews on the leftover ice in his glass. “That’s what they all say.”

Oliver gasps softly and puts a hand over his white-collared chest. 

“Are you doubting my stock, Mr. Bravo?” 

Dieter rolls his eyes. “How long does it last?”

“Eight hours, twelve max.” 

You take the bag and hold it up in the low light. “And it’s new?”

“Originally started as a pain-killer that could be absorbed on the skin. FDA never approved it so the pharmacy that developed it went under. The blokes that made it tinkered to make it more of a party drug and here we are.”

You look over at Dieter, an excitement in your eyes that he hasn’t seen in weeks. He’d be offended if he didn’t feel the same sort of stirring. 

Oliver leans forward, his pale eyes looking up under pale lashes. By the upward tilt of his mouth, Dieter knows he knows he has you both. 

“C’mon, Dieter boyo, for old time’s sake. You should show lovely Natalie here how to have a good time.” 

He’s fine. He’s not hurting anyone. He’s having fun. He’s in control.

He can stop at any time.

You know he’s going to say yes before the words form in his mouth. You lunge forward and kiss him on the lips. 

“Alright-y then!” Oliver pops open the bag and on three fingers, he plucks up each of the gold dots. 

“To old friends,” he says as he dips a gold dot into each of their drinks, “and new.” 

Your eyes glitter as the three raise their glasses. 

“To friends.” 

And he drinks. The gold mist swirls.

   If the time he spent with you in New Mexico was slow, like molasses, dripping in sunlight, the rest of the trip in New Orleans is a blur. 

   He stands on the precipice of a mountain, the wind whipping through his hair and his cheeks. Lights unfocus and flash. There’s music and then there isn’t. There are sensations –

“Oh, God, Dieter, faster, harder, more – please, more,” 

Sweat flows down his neck, down his back, your nails digging into his shoulders. Your voice is high, breathless, as he drives himself deeper, deeper into you. You are warm and pliant beneath him and he thinks he’s going to choke on the taste of your neck under – 

– the paint is cool underneath his palms. He wipes streaks of yellow and red and green and blue up the side of the wall. He can smell the chlorine from the pool outside and the birds are singing and he thinks he can taste the yellow in the back of his teeth. The morning air is fresh and curls itself up in his bare chest and –

– he wants pastries, sweets, his mouth is tangy with the taste of your cunt –

– giants on stilts wander over his head, their pants gold and green and purple, you curl up next to him giggling and it's the most perfect sound he’s ever heard in the world. The crowd around you pushes you closer to him and he’s struck by you, by everything you are. He stops you in the middle of the street, the dark night sky arching above the streets, his hand up by your cheek, your beautiful eyes black and wide and tripping –

No, wait, I have to go back. Go back to her.

– The mural in the kitchen grows. It expands up into the ceiling, down onto the floor. The kitchen table and the chairs are thrown out into the brick courtyard. He paints and he paints. But he doesn’t know what it is yet – 

– the bed is a mess, blue paint everywhere. Your beautiful thighs are smeared with blue. His eyelashes feel heavy with paint but he can’t tell what color. His chest is cold and sticky. You’ve got one hand pressed up against the headboard, your thighs spread around him as he finds the missing warmth in the clutch in your cunt. Your tits, stained with purple, bounce and sway with the forces of his thrusts. The shutter door is open, fluttering in the wind, and it’s raining beyond the balcony. It’s pouring and he’s pouring out blue. He stains your cunt with orange, his thumb pressing up into your clit and you shriek. He can feel the white in him burst out and coat your chest and throat in his own paint –

– it’s quiet. You lay on the grass next to him in front of the St. Louis Cathedral. You’re pointing out constellations in the sky, a white powder near the corner of your mouth and the sweet scent of out-of-reach beignets hovers near your lips. As you talk, he reaches over and swipes the powder from your lips. You giggle because he’s only made it worse. There’s powder all over his hands –

You’re an artist. It rages in your blood.

No, it’s paint – 

– he wakes up and it’s quiet. 

The racing has stopped. The universe has settled. He lifts his head, barely able to comprehend where he is, but beyond grateful for all of it to end. He’s back in the cottages, on that white billow-y bed. It’s morning. The world is still quiet. He drops his head back against the fluffy pillow and sighs deeply.

But that smell is . . . it’s familiar. That sweet smell and . . . something else.

Girlsex. 

He glances down, suddenly recognizing a weight on his chest. 

Your back curves down his side. You’re covered in paint and powder and his own cum, but you rest soundly with your arm across his chest, the rise and fall of your breathing slow and deep. His cock actually aches from overuse. He picks up your hair and twirls it in his fingers, marveling at the way the light catches it. The way it smells like him. 

“Dieter Bravo,” you mutter into his clavicle. He smiles, his right leg hanging off the mattress. He skims his toes along the warm wood. “That’s not even your real name, is it?”

He can feel you grin against his chest and the drowsy, unused thing in his heart stretches. 

“Just as much as Natalie Lorraine is yours.” 

You both laugh quietly, too spent to really do anything else. You lift your head and purple is smeared by your cheek. He wants to lick it into his mouth. He feels like you are peeling him down to his bare essentials and he doesn’t know what you’re going to find. You’ll have to tell him when you do.

You kiss him, gently, as much as your aching body will allow. He hums. If he never comes again and can only kiss you like this, he’ll be satisfied. 

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” you whisper against his lips. There’s only gold light separating you from him. 

“Okay,” he says, thumbing the apple of your cheek. There’s nothing he ever wants to hide from you. “Dieter Bravo is a stage name. My real name is–,”

– he wakes up again, just as your tongue slips a thin, square paper into his mouth. The air is moist and his jacket is too hot but the thumping beat of the music curls into the base of his spine. The building behind you shakes with noise and you’re next in line to enter the club. The crowd of people behind you vibrates with excitement. It smells like piss and vomit. 

“See you on the other side, baby,” you murmur into his throat.

   Music. Music music music. 

It’s in him, it’s grinding up in his teeth, he swears he feels it behind his eyelids. It’s coming out of him, leaking out of his pores and thrumming in his pulse. His heart — it slipped out of its natural rhythm and attached itself to the new beat, this new pulse — and he is everywhere and nowhere. He exists only in this sea of pumping, sweating bodies and never existed anywhere else. 

The only thing centering him, the only thing real, his living heart outside of his body, is you. Your sweat-streaked hair is in his face, the damp back of your neck is inches from his mouth, flooding his senses with the taste of your sweat, your scent. For a moment, he thinks he can see the electric blue synapsis of your brain firing in pace with the music, with the LSD in your body, and it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He wants to feel the threads with his fingers. 

He wants to bite through your neck and slurp your synapses up like noodles. 

“Baby,” you murmur below him, barely audible above the thunder of the music, “you’re squeezing too tight.” 

He blinks and the image is gone. He sinks his jaw over your shoulder, loosening his grip on your elbows and sliding his hands over your forearms. He tries to focus on dancing, swaying with you between his thighs.

“Sorry, darling, sorry.” He holds you to him, oozing back into that blackness with you as a warm light. 

Your ass, in that black leather skirt he bought you, moves out of sync with the beat, with the swaying you had both fallen into, and rubs him through his jeans. The light travels to his crotch. 

It’s like someone dripped honey all over his brain. 

“Fuck, baby.” He noses your ear and takes your earlobe into his mouth with the curl of his tongue. You moan and, with his hands over yours, he pushes the heel of your hand over your clit. His grip moves around your waist, to the bare skin between your skirt and your high-cut top. He can’t see in the purple haze of the twitching lights and thick, fluorescent fog but he can feel you. You are dripping with sweat, almost feverish. He thinks about the blue in your brain and his dick jumps. He laves the knot of your neck with his tongue. 

“I want you. I want you right now.” 

You lean back into his damp chest and clutch the back of his head in your hand. You draw his other hand to your thigh. Your breath reminds him of flowers, flowers pressed into a book, pressed until they aerosolized. He can’t find your eyes in the dark, in the haze, and in the pulsating light, your face looks blurred. “Then don’t wait. Fuck me here, baby. Right now.” 

In the beat, the cleft of your ass rubs his cock and he thinks he can see the blue in him. Glowing blue in his gut. He nods, frantically, hand leaving your thigh to undo his belt, then the buttons of his jeans. 

He rucks your skirt up, the leather sticking to your damp skin, and he adjusts his hips. You moan, feeling his cock hard at your back. He’s sure his dick is glowing in the dark. 

“Are you ready? I can’t get you wet like you need it–,”

“Baby, I am wet. Just need you. Need you rough.” 

He thinks he might puke blue but the blunt head of his cock rubs in between your sweaty, warm thighs and the pressure in his stomach collapses. If he doesn’t fuck you right now, he’s going to break apart. 

Your skirt clutched in his hands, he swipes your underwear to the side and slides up into you in one stroke – now you’re both blue, from the tips of your heads down to your toes. He doesn’t even move, it feels so good – he says this outloud. You whine loud in his ears, the music distant and far away. You’re closer than you were before, even if it didn't seem possible at the time. 

He grinds his hips and you throw back your head against his shoulder, gasping, nails digging into the backs of his hands at your hips. He throws his forearm around your waist, before grinding his hips back and forth – never leaving you. He wants to be this close to you forever. He can’t imagine ever pulling out of your sweet, hot cunt. He thinks of his cum leaking down your thighs and he groans low in your ear. He wonders if his cum will glow and everyone will see who you belong to. 

He wants his cum all over you. His hips jerk back an inch before slamming them up again. 

“Tha’s it, baby,” you whine. You thread your fingers through his hair, tugging slightly. “Keep going.”

He does. At some point, he hears the blood in his cock thump to the beat of the music, and he wants you to know.  

“Can you feel that, baby?” He slurs in your ear. He pushes your wet hair over your shoulder and presses his teeth into your skin. “You’re takin’ me. All of me. Wanna paint you blue.” 

His hand slides over your thigh again, his thumb diving in towards your center, then up. He hopes to find your clit but your entire cunt is hotter than a furnace and he’s afraid of rubbing up against metal. His hand ghosts over your clit and you cry out. 

“Fuck me harder, baby. Leave a bruise. I need you.” 

There’s a memory of being surrounded by people, but it’s not here. It’s not now. It’s ages ago. A lifetime ago. The only thing that ever existed was your cunt squeezing his cock. 

“I’m gonna fuck you up,” he hisses. There’s a chemical smell in the air and he thinks it’s from the lights or it might be from inside him. No, there’s only music inside him. Music he wants to share with you. Gift to you. Fall to his knees and lick up inside you.

You both only exist in blackness and there’s nothing to press you up against, but he tries. He adjusts his hips, his grip, and he fucks you deep.

Pretty thing.

Pretty girl.

Pretty cunt. 

Blue. Blue in your hair. Your eyes. Gonna paint you in blue. 

He wants to split your skull and live in your brain. 

Your moans are higher, airless, gasping, begging. The pressure behind his gut is a black-hole and he wants to fall, wants to drift. 

He braves metal burn and presses down on your clit with his middle finger. 

You are gushing blue. 

He fills you up a moment later, hips stuttering, thighs quaking. And that makes you come again. 

It’s never ending. It’s a cycle. It’s infinite. You’re infinite. If you ever leave him, he’ll die. Broken blue. 

“I love you,” he whispers in your ear in a voice so soft he purposefully won’t remember it the next morning. He drags you into his chest, to feel his heart burning for you. Only when he gets like this again, which is soon after, does he remember. When he’s sober, it’s only a feeling. When he’s out of his mind, higher than God, he has to say it. 

“I love you. I fucking love you. So much.”

When he’s this high, he doesn’t remember if you say it back. 

[greyyson-but-no]

Six Years Waiting

PAIRING; tangerine x spy!oc (easy to switch in reader)

UNIVERSE; bullet train but tangerine doesn't ‼️

WARNINGS; canon-typical violence, mentions of kidnap, torture, bad flirting, they're both idiots that want each other but don't know etc, no spoilers for bullet train plot

GENRE; fluff, tad-angst

WORD COUNT; 2.9K

A/N; im back to writing? I know, insane right? hope you enjoy, I'm gonna be rejigging this account completely so here's this as a waiting gift. aaron taylor johnson what a man you are.

It was a large plaza, filled to the brim with rich American businessmen that had nothing better to do with their time then host an auction, then a party, then get drunk and coincidentally lose the prize of the auction. Her name had been spreading around the city slowly, the more auctions that ended in chaos. Brioches, treasured coins, ancient weapons and vintage prizes just… slipping out of the hands of whoever had bid the most. She hadn’t always completed stretches of thievery — it used to be far, far worse. The company she worked after had taken her down after the news of the Segovia job had reached them at HQ. Just a couple too many spare bodies. She was now in therapy.

Descending the curved staircase, black flowing from her shoulders, a prize necklace she had stolen just last week hanging from the skin of her neck. It wouldn’t be the only thing hanging from her neck in a couple hours, though. Light bounced off of the glass chandeliers, alighting this night’s prize, sitting all grandiose at the far end of the room.

She kept a sharp eye on it.

But as she got to the bottom of the staircase, the red carpet moving out into the rest of the room, another person caught her eye. One she recognized, and knew better than she knew anybody else she’d ever met.

Tangerine donned a blue suit, his classic striped one that she always compared to David Tennant’s rendition of Doctor Who. He never understood it. He had just come in through the back entrance, and had made it very obvious he wasn’t supposed to be here tonight. It was a given. Otherwise, he would have told her he would be here, when, in fact, that hadn’t happened. She assumed he had been sent on this mission last minute, to fill in for someone. Because not only had he told her tonight was his free night, but his brother, Lemon wasn’t standing by his side.

Those weren’t their real names, of course. Just the names they went by to keep their real lives hidden. Over the years, their trust grew and eventually, after she had nearly died to an assassin from another company and the two of them had to carry her back to their house to let her get better, Aaron and Brian had trusted her with their real names. In response, she had done the same. Angel, became Ophelia, to the twins.

But there was always something more special about Tangerine.

When forced to explain it to her co-workers, all Angel could come up with was, “he’s just pretty, isn’t he?”, and she couldn’t help but think he had taken this job just because she was there, too. Bullshit, she was aware, but one could always hope.

Unless… Because as she looked back up at him after answering something urgent of her watch, he had his eyes skirting down her body, and quickly made a b-line towards where she was standing. There was this look in his eyes, that she hadn’t seen before, as well. Alas, the place was so damn big, this could have just been something she was imagining, since he was still so far away.

Something in her brain was telling her to run, and it wasn’t her handler shouting in her ear, that was for sure. Instead, the voice of logic, of reason, was screaming at her to not let him speak to her tonight. Was there really any harm in it though? It wasn’t like she was attached, or anything.

When he reached her, that smile, the cunning smirk, fed its way onto his lips as he took her hand and lent down to kiss the back of her palm. Words she never thought she would ever hear him say left his lips as he did so. “Ma’am, it’s lovely to see you here, you look incredible, as always.”

Okay, maybe she was a little attached.

Angel let a laugh fall from her lips as he stood up straight again. “Tan, shut up.”

“Never, my dear.” God, he was going to be the end of her. “I’m assuming you’re here for the necklace on auction tonight?”

She nodded, searching the crowd as he moved to stand to the left of her instead. “Yes. I can assume you aren’t? You’d never take a steal like this, even if it meant you would see me again. And especially without Lemon.”

“Don’t worry, you’re not that special.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Then a pause. Angel couldn’t get the smirk to leave her face as he continued on with his reasoning of being here tonight. Moving his arm, he pointed towards one of the women sitting up in the glass balcony above where he had entered the plaza just a couple minutes ago. “Lady Francis De Marco. Owes a client a superfluous amount of money and she’s late by a couple weeks. Harsh client, let’s say. It really was just coincidence you’re here too, love.”

Angel blinked, spotting the pearl necklace falling from this women’s neck. “She’s the one selling the necklace, no?”

“Her husband.”

“So, what?” She took in a deep breath as his hand brushed up against hers. “You’re here to kill her? Or just get some answers.”

Tangerine laughed heartily. “What do you think, doll? I am an assassin.”

Angel shook her head. “Careful, don’t say it too loud, someone might be listening.”

“Nobody cares about our conversation, sweetheart, don’t worry. They aren’t listening, to us.” He calmed, looking over the crowds just as she was. The conversation came to a simple ending, a comfortable silence waving over the two… friends.

Tangerine had now known Angel for six years, and each year he struggled more and more to understand how and why she could make him feel the way he felt about her. It started in New York, they had met at something similar to this evening, and had gotten along well, much to Lemon’s dismay. A couple months later, they were both sent out to kill the same person, by different clients. They took a finger each as proof for their individual clients. Every couple months, they would bump into each other, and after the first few times, the sight of her dressed up at the party, or clad in a tight black suit while fighting some prick had him head over heels. Literally once he had nearly died because he was too busy staring at her. He had started to worry he couldn’t work around her.

Then two years ago, she had nearly been ran over by a bike while on the run from someone trying to kill her. She had been kidnapped, tortured by this guy who only wanted her because of a small job from 15 years ago. When she escaped, she found herself finding Lemon and Tangerine. That night he had found out her real name. Ophelia. He thought no name could ever be better.

Don’t worry, Lemon had told him many a time that this was an issue. He knew it very well. It didn’t mean he had to do anything about it, but it was defiantly an issue.

Tangerine coughed, clearing his throat. “What’s your plan then?”

Angel shook her head. “Was gonna figure it out as I went, personally. What about y-”

“Same.” He dropped his head, looking down at the carpeted floor. “I was only put on this job last night, so, I didn’t really have time to come up with a plan. They didn’t even tell me that it was gonna be in a place this big.”

She sighed, allowing herself to look over to him for just a second, seeing his tired cheeks and bloodshot eyes. “I keep telling you to leave your company, they’re shit.”

He shrugged, grunting. “Could be way worse, sweetheart.”

Angel was well aware there was no point in even trying to convince him to move company. He defiantly wouldn’t without Lemon, too, and a long time ago that man had gotten himself into some trouble with the CEO of said company, he hadn’t been allowed to leave since that day.

“I s’pose we better get to work then, aye?” Tangerine murmured.

Angel coughed. “Yeah. See you in a bit, Tan.”

And while Tangerine was fully convinced they were going to complete both their tasks together, he again, mumbled a small sinnabit, sweetheart as she wandered off. God, what was his problem? Why could he not just do something about this stupid infatuation with her? He constantly just let it sit, murmuring in his stomach for years and years. Was anything ever going to change? He couldn’t ever imagine it.

Only two hours later, she was dead. Tangerine had cornered her in her office nearing the end of the party, and once she had understood what the assassin was there for, she simply let it happen. Her family didn’t have the money, it was as simple as that.

Angel was the issue. Tangerine had found her outside the office, clutching the necklace in her hands, shouting at him to hurry up because they needed to leave. She really had figured it out as she went, and it had turned out for the worst. This is why she was assassin, that’s what she was trained for, not stealing.

The two were running, and fast. Down the stairs and into a storage cupboard somewhere, Tangerine was following her, and from a rucksack behind a shelving unit, she pulled out spare clothes.

“I haven’t go anything spare for you, sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay, I’ll just take my jacket and vest off, that should do.” And he paused for a moment, spotting her struggle to unzip her dress at the back. It was probably just because they were in a rush, but then again, they were definitely in a rush, any help would do. “C’mere, love.”

Angel coughed a thanks, turning around as he took a hold of the zip, tugging it downward. She brushed away the thoughts of his knuckles running down her back, her bra strap appearing behind the black fabric. This was far too intimate for her liking, and the second he reached the bottom, she turned back around, telling him to turn around so as to not see her while she changed. Just a couple seconds later, she was clad in a white shirt and dress skirt, looking as if she was a waitress. Her hair was done up this time, a neat bun at the back that to her, wasn’t neat. It would do. “We’ll leave as staff.”

“Sure. Lead the way.”

They left the closet, turning left and joining the crowd again, the necklace neatly tucked in her pocket still. Luckily they didn’t scan in and out, so they could easily just slip away from the plaza, out the front door, and no one would look none the wiser. People were even acting as if the necklace hadn’t been stolen.

But as they joined the escalator that was leading them down to the final floor, a very obvious security guard was eyeing everyone up and down. While everyone on the top floor was made to act as if nothing had gone wrong, the De Marco family had sent out more security to see if anyone was acting suspicious. Staff members that didn’t have key cards and had seemingly spawned in from nowhere? Suspicious.

Angel turned to face Tangerine again, who looked nervous having also spotted the security guard. “I could just kill him?”

“Making ourselves even more suspicious and draw attention to us? No. We need to deflect them. Making them not want to look at us.” This wasn’t the first time Angel had needed to get herself out of a situation similar to this. Tangerine, though, hadn’t.

Tangerine frowned. “And how do you expect we do that?”

She grimaced. “I’m sorry. People hate public displays of affection.”

“Public what—”

Hands around his neck, she pulled him in, lips against his own, letting it get a little too intimate for public. They just fell into it. As his tongue brushed up against her bottom lip and her knees nearly gave in, a thought occurred to her. With his hand on her waist and her arms around neck, playing with the length of his hair. This felt natural. It felt… right.

They reached the bottom of the escalator, the security guard long gone. Tangerine cleared his throat as they made their way to the exit. His car was parked just a couple blocks away, so they walked in tandem to find it. There was a silence between them that wasn’t like the one before. Somehow, they were thinking the exact same thing, without even knowing it. How do I get rid of these feelings? And yet, neither of them wanted to.

Tangerine got in the car when they found it. It was an old Rolls-Royce he refused to get rid of, which she had been in many a time. Just, this time was different. Part of her just wanted to walk home. Her company would kill her if they found out she just took a stroll home with the necklace just tucked in a pocket somewhere, but the only other option was to get in a car with him.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. “You getting in or what?”

On a whim, she got in the car, sitting alongside him as he started driving off. There wasn’t a mention of who’s place they were going to, but they lived on the other side of town, and he was going in the direction of her apartment. Driving there from any point in the city was just automatic to him now. He knew how to get there from anywhere.

It wasn’t a long drive. Soon enough, they were parked in the blocks car park, and were heading up the elevator to the 12th floor, where her flat was. When the door was swung open, Angel flicked the low lights on, kicking her heels off as Tangerine helped himself to a cup of tea. He was good at telling whether she wanted to be alone or not, and from her relaxed form she had taken on the sofa, he gathered he could stay for a bit. Not too long, he wouldn’t overstay his welcome, but just for a little bit while they both recharged. Just a couple minutes later, he found himself next to her on the sofa, she automatically leant her feet on his legs as he grabbed the remote to scroll through the channels. The silence became comforting again as she watched him flick between late night shows, comedic dramas and general news channels.

Angel yawned, starting to speak as she finished. “You should probably text Lemon you’re here, he’ll worry if you don’t.”

“He’ll worry any way.” Was all he wanted to say, but the words came natural to him as he furthered. “You should go to sleep, sweetheart, you’re clearly exhausted, I can show myself out when I need to.”

She sat up, removing her feet from his lap and letting herself get that little bit closer to him. He cared. She could see it in his eyes, and it was genuine. The most genuine emotion she had ever seen him show, really. But it truly was there. Slowly, as his eyes scanned over the details and features of her face, now just as close to him again as she had been earlier when they had kissed, she reached a hand up to stroke at his cheek, seeing the dark circles around his eyes and that tired looked that seemed to follow him around everywhere. She felt his breath get heavier as he tried to avoid looking down at her lips. This was happening.

Angel sighed. “You need to take better care of yourself, Tan.”

His eyebrow twitched at her words, and he gulped. “What’s the point? I’m never going to find anyone that cares enough to force me to care about myself, and with my job I could die any day.”

“Oh, Tan…” Her thumb dragged across his chin.

He let out a breathy laugh. “What, sweetheart?”

It was only that little bit further that she had to move in order to press her lips up against his. It felt the same as last time, her hands resting against his jaw, his arms naturally, as if done a thousand times, curling around her waist, pulling her that little but closer. But this time they were doing this for themselves. They weren’t doing it for a quick escape, or to distract people, this was for them. Because for six years, these two idiots have pined for each other, and only now had something been done about it.

While all Tangerine wanted to do was ravage her, give in to all the temptations from six years of falling for this woman, he let her lead, let her keep it slow. They were both tired, they both just needed this.

As she went to pull away, he chased her lips with a couple small pecks, as if he never wanted to stop kissing her ever. Angel chuckled. “I care, so much.”

“I know.” He mumbled, looking up at her as he resting his hands on her waist tightly to pull her over onto his lap, letting her fall around him, resting his face against her neck, breathing her in and repeating the words thank you in his head, for anything to listen, grateful that he had her.

It would take a lot of work, but they were both now confidence they could maybe work together and juggle everything else. There was hope now; a reason to live.

[helloalycia]

𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] — 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍

summary: when Katniss gets sick and doesn't show any signs of getting better, you fear the worst and have to do whatever you can to make sure she does.

warning/s: mentions of dying + usual warnings that come with writing for the hunger games.

author's note: thanks to everyone who voted on my first lil poll yesterday haha, here’s the katniss one that won! there’s 2 parts and it was written after i just reread all the hunger games books and became hyperfixated on katniss again lmao

i’ll post the jackie taylor yellowjackets one after this for anyone who voted that too :)

two / masterlist / wattpad

I tightened the woolly scarf around my neck, hoping it would do something to keep the cold, bitter air out despite its flimsiness. Winter in District 12 could be unforgiving, but by the look of things from the front window, it hadn't snowed anymore last night.

"I'm leaving, mum!" I called from the front door, grabbing my school bag.

"Have a nice day, hon!" she called back from the kitchen.

When I left my house, the first thing I stepped foot in was grey slush, and I wasn't sure if that was worse than a blizzard at this point. Nonetheless, I sucked it up and headed over to my best friend Katniss' house, not far from my own in the poor, ragged part of the district, the Seam.

We always met at her place before school since it was on the way and we could walk in together, but when I arrived, her little sister, Primrose, answered and looked worried.

"Hey, darling, what's up?" I asked, accepting the hug she gave me as I stepped inside.

"It's Katniss," she muttered. "She won't get out of bed."

Trying not to show my concern, I said, "I'll go check on her. You finish getting ready so we're not late, yeah?"

She nodded and I watched her go into the kitchen to finish her breakfast with her mum, the older woman offering a small smile when she saw me. I returned it before letting myself into the other room of their house, the bedroom that all three of them shared. Inside, Katniss was still in her bed, under the covers and blocking out the light. Whether she was awake, I wasn't sure, but this was certainly unlike her.

"Katniss?" I called, shaking her body slightly. "We're gonna be late, you've gotta get up."

She groaned slightly, not appreciating my interruption, and then seemed to realise what was happening as she rolled over, eyes squinted with confusion.

"Huh? What are you doing?" she mumbled, rubbing her face, and her voice was raspier than usual.

"It's time for school," I said knowingly, before frowning when I saw her cover her eyes with her hand. "Why are you still in bed? Prim has been trying to wake you."

"What...? I don't..." She stopped, before attempting to sit upright, but she squeezed her eyes shut and steadied herself on the bed.

"Hey," I said, much more concerned now, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. "You're not okay. Is it your head?"

She clutched her forehead, breathing out slowly. "I don't know. It hurts, it– god, it's bright in here."

I frowned, taking in her pained expression and connecting all the dots. "You're sick. You should stay home today. Get better."

As if I'd accused her of murder, Katniss shook her head and pulled the duvet off her with determination. "I'm not. I'm fine, I–" But just on cue, a throaty cough rattled her.

"I can stay home if you want," I offered, already pulling the duvet back on her. "Help you."

The last thing I wanted was to leave her alone whilst she was ill. Technically her mother would be here, but she wasn't the most attentive since she'd lost her husband, so it was essentially like leaving Katniss alone.

"No, you don't need to," Katniss gave in with a sigh.

"I don't mind," I offered, resting a hand on hers. "I can–"

"It's one day," she assured me, before clearing her throat. "I'll be okay. Go. Please. Or you'll be late."

I sighed disapprovingly before nodding, knowing one day of rest would hopefully prove to be useful. I leaned forward to hug her, about to wish her well, but she shoved me back quickly.

"Don't or you'll get sick," she argued tiredly, making me rub my chest where she shoved me.

"Ow," I said with annoyance, before rolling my eyes and standing up. "Very well. Lay down at least."

Thankfully, she obeyed which was how I knew she must've really felt rundown. Pulling the duvet to her shoulders, I tucked her in before wishing her well and leaving the room. After letting her mum know what was wrong and to keep an eye on her, Prim and I left the house together.

"She's okay, right?" the twelve-year-old asked me as we trudged through the muddy snow.

"Oh yeah, of course," I reassured her with a smile. "It's nothing. Just that time of year."

This seemed to work, as Prim sighed with relief before smiling too. But deep down, a small part of me was a little worried. Firstly, Katniss never got sick, ever. And secondly, whereas a cold might not take some people out, it could be the difference between life and death in a place where it was freezing and had no electricity. I only hoped she'd be able to sleep it off and recover soon.

All day I was thinking of Katniss, unable to focus much at school. When the final bell rang and we were finally let out, I was relieved, only wanting to check on her and hopefully see some improvement. Our friend, Gale, accompanied Prim and I back home, since he lived in the Seam also, and we all went to the Everdeens to see if Katniss was okay.

When we reached their house, we saw Mrs Everdeen helping someone out as part of her job as a healer, so decided not to interrupt and instead headed straight for Katniss. When we walked in, Prim ran to her bedside whilst Gale and I took in the scene. Katniss was still under her covers, as if she'd not moved all day.

"Hey, Catnip," Gale said, hoping to lighten the mood and stir her awake, if she was even asleep.

An annoyed moan was the only response we got, so I settled by her bedside and pulled the duvet down carefully, revealing her face. Her eyes were closed, scrunched with discomfort, but she was sweating. I felt her forehead, surprised at how hot she was, and my worry was increasing.

"How is she?" Prim asked from behind me.

I cleared my throat, pulling my hand back. "Er, warm. But it could be nothing."

Clearly I wasn't the best liar, since she pushed me out the way and felt her sister's forehead before frowning immediately.

"That's not nothing," she exclaimed, before going for the door. "I'm getting mum."

I sighed, but knew it was for the best. When her and her mum returned, the four of us attempted to coax Katniss awake properly. She was reluctant, but finally opened her eyes when I closed the curtains, blocking out the light that was bothering her.

"You're burning, Katniss," I told her gently, taking her hand. Her mum rested a cold cloth on her forehead, moving her hair from her face, and I looked back to her tired eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just tired," she said dismissively, yawning. "A little cold."

I exchanged nervous glances with Gale, who was as concerned for her as I was.

"You need to listen to your mum and sister," I told her. "They're gonna help you feel better, okay?"

"I'm fine, I just need to rest," she tried to assure me, but she wasn't very convincing.

"Katniss, please," I said quietly, and she looked to me with dark eyes, softening. "Just listen to them."

She nodded, giving in, and I offered her a small smile before looking to her mum for the next step.

"You should both go home," she said to Gale and I. "You can visit tomorrow."

I nodded, not keen to leave Katniss' side but knowing the best care she could be in was her family's. Gale and I said our goodbyes before walking home.

It was supposed to get better after that, Katniss was supposed to get better. But none of it did. She was still bedridden when I visited her after school the next day, though a little more awake than yesterday and itching to get up and leave.

"My legs work fine," she told me with frustration. "Why can't I just get up and push on?"

"Because you're weak, idiot," I told her, giving her a disapproving look. "You've still got a fever, too."

She frowned petulantly, staring off at the wall instead of me. I sighed, resting a hand on hers, and thankfully she didn't pull away.

"Your mum is taking good care of you," I reminded her. "You're gonna be okay, but you need to rest."

"You shouldn't visit me meanwhile," she said after a moment, finally looking at me. "What if I'm contagious?"

I tried not to smile, the thought of not visiting her sounding insane. "I'll live, Katniss."

She exhaled weakly, not bothering to argue. I swallowed hard, taking in her expression. Circles were becoming deeper under her eyes, showing her struggle to sleep properly, and she was still glistening in a thin layer of sweat. Even now, her hand was hot beneath mine, and it terrified me. But I tried not to think of the worst, instead manifesting positive thoughts the best I could.

Enough positivity to make Katniss puke, that was the goal.

Unfortunately, it only got worse from there on out. It was getting colder the deeper we got into winter, which wasn't helping, and Katniss was missing more and more days off school. And then we finally finished school for the year, and Katniss was still unwell.

Unlike that second visit, she wasn't fighting her weakness anymore, unable to play it tough when her migraines were ruining her. Her fever would break, then return, then break again. I didn't understand what was wrong and I'd never been so scared in my life. Gale and her family felt the same, but her mum was surprisingly consistent with her care, doing everything she could to make her daughter better.

But we all knew what nobody would admit – Katniss needed real medicine, none of this herbal stuff.

One day, I was visiting Katniss, going over more and more now that school was done, but she wasn't always awake when I visited. Thankfully she was today, and when I walked in, her head turned to the door to see who it was. When she saw it was me, she shook her head, unimpressed.

"You shouldn't be here," she said as she always did, and I rolled my eyes playfully.

Ignoring her, I took a seat at the edge of her bed, aware of her eyes following my every move.

"Prim," she began, but I answered before she needed to finish.

"She's at Gale's," I reassured her, making her sigh with relief.

Having Prim seeing her like this always worried her, but I was making sure that the younger Everdeen wasn't always around. Of course, she was stubborn like her sister and sometimes insisted. Today though, she was content spending the day with Gale's siblings.

I looked down at Katniss, noticing how much weight she'd lost these past few weeks. She was already skinny, a consequence of living in District 12, but this was sickly, haunting. I'd never seen her so rundown before and I was seriously terrified that if we didn't get her real medicine soon, she could die. Nobody had a cold or flu or whatever it was for this damn long. She was struggling to eat properly, to stand at all, and she looked like hell. I couldn't just watch her deteriorate like this. Not my best friend. Not the girl I cared way too much for.

"Stop it," she said, an accidental whisper. "Stop looking at me like that."

"I'm not doing anything," I defended, embarrassed I'd been caught.

She knew me too well though. "I'll be okay. In fact–" She paused, and then suddenly attempted to sit upright, but her arms were too weak to hold her up and she slipped right back down. The tears were quick to pool in her eyes, a matching scowl on her face, at her incompetence.

"It's okay," I said sympathetically, taking her hand in between mine.

She squeezed it tight, like a lifeline, but avoided my eyes. A tear slipped from hers, and I pretended not to see it for her sake.

"I need to hunt," she said with a hoarse voice, no doubt holding in her emotion.

"Gale has it under control," I said, only imagining all she'd been worrying herself with whilst stuck here. She was the sole provider for her family, and with her out of action, the responsibilities were piling up.

"He has his own family to worry about," she snapped, before catching herself, instantly feeling bad. Quieter, she said, "It's not enough."

She wasn't wrong, of course, but I would never let her know that. Gale barely found enough to feed his own family, especially during winter, and he was sparing what little he could to keep Prim and her mum afloat. I did the same with what scraps I got, but I was no hunter and couldn't offer extra game like he could.

"We're sorting it," I said confidently. "Your mum and Prim are okay, aren't they?"

She finally met my eyes, hers glassy and exhausted. "For how long?"

It was much harder to lie to her when she was looking right at me, so I cleared my throat and forced a small smile. "All the more reason to get better, right?"

She pursed her lips, looking away again. It was quiet as she laid there, me holding her hand and keeping her company. I knew how horrible it could be when you were sick and alone, so I made sure not leave her side, as her eyes began to flicker close, struggling to fight the tiredness. I moved closer, pushing the hair from her eyes and raking my hands through her roots, knowing she liked the feeling but would never admit it. I was proven right when she let out a deep breath, squeezing my hand in approval, and I smiled softly at how cute she could be when she didn't even know it.

Only when she was out of it did I feel my tears blur my vision, unable to pretend that I was okay. She wasn't looking any better, and I couldn't just watch her like this, unable to do a thing.

I leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and closed my eyes briefly, praying to whatever God was out there that she'd be okay.

Everyone had their special something, a skill they had perfected or a hobby they could get lost in. Mine? I hadn't discovered it yet. I suppose I was doing pretty well in school, so taking tests could count, though it was a shit skill to have, impractical. But hunting, that was Katniss' and Gale's thing. No, definitely not mine.

They'd taken me out once, letting me join them on their weekly escapade. Gale found it hilarious that I moved too loudly, scaring away the prey, or that I stepped in my own trap, getting my foot stuck in the rope. I let him enjoy himself at my expense, knowing it was inevitable. Katniss however, despite the small smile that would ghost her lips at something stupid I'd do, was adamant on helping me. She took it too seriously, showing me how to use her prized bow and how to sneak around better. I'd like to say it worked, that I learnt something, but it didn't. It was safe to say they never took me again.

So, when I found myself in the forbidden woods outside the District 12 fence, with Katniss' bow in hand, I felt like a foreigner. I wasn't familiar with these woods, especially not in winter when it was a completely different ballgame to what I'd 'practiced' in last summer. Katniss' bow was too big for me, and no matter how hard I tried to take her familiar hunting routes, my approach always scared away the prey.

I was out there for two hours, certain my fingers would fall off from the cold, but I refused to give up. I couldn't return empty handed. Gale hadn't been successful last week, and family responsibilities had kept him from hunting today like he usually did. So, I took it upon myself to do it, especially because Prim was so hungry, her little face shrinking the longer Katniss was bedridden. I couldn't let her down, any of them, so I pushed on.

But every arrow I let fly missed its target, and every squirrel I approached scampered off. The sun, hidden behind thick clouds, was setting and it was getting dark out, even though the afternoon was barely over. I had to go home, but I had nothing to show for it. I couldn't even pick any edible plants because everything was frozen. I was a failure.

I couldn't catch a thing; the one job I had, to keep Prim fed, was failing; Katniss was dying and I couldn't do a thing to change any of it.

Tears streamed down my face, hot against the cold of my cheeks, and I collapsed in the snow, unbothered by it melting into the cotton of my trousers. It didn't matter anymore.

She wasn't getting better. Every day I visited her, she looked worse for wear. If it wasn't her fevers, it was her migraines. And if it wasn't her migraines, it was her throat. I was losing her day by day and I felt powerless. I couldn't even shoot a fucking squirrel to help. Nothing was working.

I was going to lose her.

Admittedly, I wallowed in self-pity for a little longer, appreciating having somewhere private to let it all out. It was hard playing it positive and tough all the time, for Prim's and Katniss' sake, when the truth was I was scared shitless. Living in a world without my best friend, the girl I so deeply loved to the point that she'd laugh if she ever found out, was terrifying. I didn't even want to envision it.

It was dark by the time I returned to the Everdeens home. I would have much preferred to go straight home, but I couldn't not update them on my false promise.

"Y/N!" Prim exclaimed when she opened the door, before tugging me in instantly.

"Hey," I said, forcing a smile, and I was glad the redness from the cold disguised my red eyes from crying.

"You're freezing," she realised, before calling for her mum. "You were gone for ages! Come, sit in front of the fire."

I pulled back as she attempted to drag me to the fire, and then her mum appeared and noticed the same thing Prim did.

"Y/N, you need to warm up–"

"I will, at my house," I promised her. "I just came to tell you that I– that–" I paused, afraid of the shakiness of my voice. Swallowing thickly, I said, "I'm sorry. I couldn't– I'm not–"

Fuck, why was this so hard?

"I'm gonna figure it out," I changed my words, nodding confidently. "I'll get some food. I'm sorry. I–"

Prim suddenly hugged me, arms wrapping around my torso and squeezing so tightly that I could have snapped in half from how frozen I was. But I appreciated it nonetheless and returned the gesture, letting out a shaky breath.

"Don't do it again," her mum said gently, resting a hand on my cheek before hugging me too.

I blinked back my tears as I let myself relax in their comfort.

I couldn't just stand by and do nothing anymore, and there was only one thing that I knew I could do. None of us could ever afford the medicine Katniss needed from the doctor in town, unless we traded something valuable, like food.

If I used my tesserae, adding my name another time into the potential tributes for District 12, I would receive a year's supply of oil and grain. Participants could only apply once for themselves, and once for any of their family members if they were between the ages of 12 and 18. I'd used mine for this year, but I could still use it on behalf of my parents. They never wanted me to, but this was an emergency and they didn't need to know.

So, on behalf of them, I used my tesserae and traded that two years' supply of oil and grain with the doctor in exchange for the medicine that would make Katniss better. After describing all her symptoms, he explained how it was some complex form of a cold, rare but deadly. I was lucky I'd got to him in time.

Gale didn't approve of my plan when I told him, trying to talk me out of it. Just like Katniss, he cared about whether I used my tesserae without needing to. I could see it was killing him to watch me do it anyway, wanting to do it himself if he could, but he'd already used all his family's tesserae for the year. It was the first thing he did every time it was available, having no choice since he had a big family.

After I collected the medicine from the doctor, I was quick to return to Katniss' house, giving a rushed explanation to her mum about the medicine and what the doctor said about administering it and how it would save her life.

"Y/N, how did you get this?" she asked once I finished to catch my breath.

"It doesn't matter," I said to her. "But it'll help. We can give her the first dose now."

"Y/N–”

"Mrs Everdeen, please," I pleaded, and she must have seen the desperation in my expression because she nodded slowly and went to make Katniss some tea with the medicine in it. It was a syrup of some sort, so the mint tea should have made it a bit more palatable.

Eventually we both went to Katniss' room, where Prim was sat beside her, holding her hand and chatting quietly. When she spotted us both, she perked up and smiled a little.

"Hey, Prim," I said, returning her smile and joining her side. "How's the patient?"

"She's got a headache," Prim answered, and I looked to Katniss who had a wet towel pressed to her eyes, both cooling her down and also blocking out the light.

"Y/N?" Katniss whispered, though unmoving.

"Yours truly," I said playfully, needing to disguise the permanent concern that was in my voice. "We brought you some tea, Katniss."

She groaned quietly. "I don't want it."

Her mum glanced at me, unsure how to proceed, so I took the mug from her hand and placed it on the bedside table.

"It'll help," I promised her, before gently pulling her duvet down. "Can you sit up for me, please?"

She sighed but thankfully obeyed, allowing me to help her sit upright. She leaned against the bed frame and let me remove the towel from her eyes. I smiled when I saw her blue eyes, though they were fatigued as they had been since she'd gotten sick. Not for long, hopefully.

"Drink up," I encouraged, offering her the mug.

She silently accepted it, blowing on the tea before taking the first sip. Her face scrunched up with disgust. "What is that?"

"New herbal remedy," her mum answered before I could struggle to.

Katniss wasn't impressed, but managed to drink the whole thing, probably because she knew I'd let her go to sleep if she did. After laying back down, I pulled the duvet back over her and pushed her hair behind her ear, smiling reassuringly.

"You should feel better with that," I told her with certainty.

She didn't reply, eyes avoiding mine, something I'd noticed she'd been doing for a while now. It was like she knew she wasn't getting better and was scared to admit the truth, but this was different. This would finally work.

Prim and I stayed by her side until she fell asleep, and that was when I told her about the medicine. The pure joy and relief on her face was enough to let me know I'd made the right decision, and she hugged me so tightly that I almost lost my breath.

"I told you she'd be okay," I said with a small smile, accepting her hug. "And so will you."

"Thank you," she muttered into my shoulder.

I squeezed her gently before we stayed there, sat side by side. She didn't want to leave Katniss' side, and neither did I, but it was getting late and, at some point, Prim had dozed off on my shoulder. Only after I had tucked her into her mum's bed did Mrs Everdeen politely kick me out, forcing me to get some rest of my own at home. For once, I didn't argue it, my exhaustion catching up to me. Plus, I could sleep well knowing Katniss would already be doing a lot better tonight.

As soon as I woke up and remembered the medicine the next morning, I headed straight to the Everdeens place, hoping to see some sort of improvement with Katniss. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked into her room and saw her sat upright in bed, eating an actual breakfast on a tray.

"Katniss!" I said with disbelief, before rushing to hug her. "You're eating!"

She returned my hug and I pulled up a chair beside her bed, studying her curiously. She'd looked like she'd had a better sleep than she usually did, and she was actually holding up her own weight which was an achievement in itself. The medication was working!

The sight of her looking a lot healthier and actually improving from her poor condition brought tears to my eyes, but I willed them away. She'd hate to see me crying over her, but I genuinely couldn't believe it.

"I'm not stupid," she said with a raspy voice, eyes narrowed my way.

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

She frowned. "You think I don't know that you gave me actual medicine last night? There's no other explanation for why I'm feeling better. And I know it's not because of a damn herbal remedy. I was doomed, Y/N. So, what the hell did you do?"

"So you do feel better?"

"Y/N!"

I sighed as she raised her voice. "Okay, look, I'm sorry for lying to you, but you wouldn't have taken it if I'd told you."

"Damn right I wouldn't have!" she snapped, glaring at me. "We can't afford that! Which brings me to my next question. How the hell did you get it?"

I shook my head, looking down at her breakfast tray. "It's not your concern."

"Y/N, I swear to God I'll–"

"What?" I cut her off, meeting her hard stare with my own. "You'll what?"

Her eyes flickered between mine before softening. "Y/N. Please."

I could have given in so easily, just from a simple glance, but I refused to let her bait me. I ignored her instead, shaking my head and returning my gaze to her breakfast tray.

"You traded something," she guessed, back to her irritated self. When I didn't answer, she said, "What? What did you trade?"

Again, I said nothing, neither confirming nor denying, but she wasn't having it.

"Goddamn it, Y/N!" she shouted, but her voice was still weak so it was more of a broken yell. "You can't just sit there in silence whilst I–"

"Stop it!" I raised my voice too, glaring at her.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

I frowned, eyes pooling with tears. "I was thinking that I couldn't just sit here and watch and not do anything! I was thinking that I was terrified that you would die! That you were getting worse and worse every day, and that I would lose you, Katniss!"

Her eyes were glassy as they met mine. "How many times?"

I scoffed, looking away. "Katniss, not now."

I expected her to yell again, but she said in a quiet voice, "Please. How many times is your name in there?"

I clenched my jaw, crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly. But when I glanced at her, she was watching me like a little girl who'd just lost her puppy, and I couldn't not respond.

"Not a lot," I tried to sugar coat it. "Only twelve times." At this, she released a sharp breath. "I traded two years of food with the doctor. It was enough to get the medicine."

She pushed the tray off her lap before pulling her knees to her chest, hiding her face between them. She was shaking her head and I knew she was crying, the sniffling giving it away. Feeling insanely bad, I sat on the bed beside her and pulled her in for a side hug the best I could.

"It's okay," I told her, rubbing her arm. "I chose to do it, Katniss. And I'd do it again, over and over, if it means you'll be okay."

She shook her head. "You shouldn't have," she said with a muffled voice, her head still tucked between her legs.

"You shouldn't have got sick," I tried to joke, but she only looked up at me with red eyes and quivering lips. I lost my smile, admitting, "I wasn't going to lose you. You don't get it."

I love you, I wanted to add, but I couldn't.

"Neither do you," she mumbled, before shoving me off her childishly.

I didn't get to question her because she pulled the tray back onto her lap and tried to finish off the remainder of stale bread in her plate. I returned to my seat next to her bed, watching as she sulked, ate and gave me the temporary silent treatment. I didn't care too much, as long as she was eating.

Once she finished, I took the tray and put it to the side momentarily, flashing her a supportive smile.

"You finished every last bit," I pointed out. "I'm proud of you."

She rolled her eyes, but that only made me smile more because it meant she had the effort to be annoyed at me, which was something she hadn't had for a while now.

"Did you have your morning dose of medicine?" I asked reluctantly, but needing to know.

She nodded, crossing her arms. "My mum gave it me earlier."

I relaxed. "Good."

Before I could say anything else, the door to the bedroom opened and Prim ran in, a bright smile on her face. Despite Katniss' annoyance with me, she couldn't resist returning her sister's smile, accepting her onto the bed and hugging her.

"You already look so much better," Prim was saying with amazement. "I was so scared."

"Well, there's no need to be," Katniss reassured her. "You didn't struggle too much without me, right?"

Prim shook her head. "Gale and Y/N have been helping. Y/N wouldn't leave. Mum had to kick her out a lot."

I facepalmed, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. It only deepened when Katniss glanced my way with an unreadable expression.

"Yeah, she has a tendency to not listen," she said, making me roll my eyes.

"She saved you," Prim said to her.

Katniss licked her lips. "I know."

I felt awkward, definitely not wanting the credit, I just wanted her to be okay. But then Prim changed the subject, catching Katniss up on all she'd missed, so I was able to sit back and witness it all, chiming in whenever Prim needed.

For once, Katniss was able to listen and actually hold a conversation. It was heartwarming to see, and if this was what she was like after one dose, I couldn't wait until she'd had the full thing.

[lover-of-mine]

so I saw your earlier post about how Tommy is getting Ali’ed, and I wanted to ask about who you think is the most developed and likeable out of Buck’s love interests? (except Eddie ofc, he’s the best and I can feel it in my bones that he will become endgame.) I’m still in s3, so I’m kinda a new watcher you could say. (I’ve read too many tumblr spoilers and copius amounts of fanfics though, so I’m able to keep up with and watch season 8 live).

I wanted to ask this because I’ve seen so much Tommy hype and promotion on here that I really thought that he was developed as a character and a main. But from what I’ve heard, he’s only worse than Buck’s and Eddie’s actually developed love interests. Before I actually started watching the show, I’ve only heard bits and pieces here and there about 911 and the “gay” firefighters, but that’s about it. I only started watching seriously during season 7, and I’m a pretty slow binge-watcher (hence why I’m only 3x12 lmao). When I went back to season 1, I fully expected to see Tommy (bc honestly, I thought Tommy and Eddie were the same person for a while lmaooo), but then I got to season 2 and saw the begin episodes and I was like wtf? How do people actually like this man? Eddie is literally RIGHT there. Even if Eddie wasn’t endgame or a romantic interest, he’s still a better compliment to Buck platonically than Tommy is romantically. So then I thought “oh maybe he had a redemption arc or like changed for the better like Buck did,” but from what I’ve seen on s8 and on here, it seemed like he didn’t? So that only makes me more confused on why a majority of the fandom seems to love his character. Personally, I don’t really see anything, but I guess everyone has their own opinions 🤷🏻 . Though, I’m scared that I’m basing this on too little info and I missed something because I haven’t watch seasons 4–7.

(this got so long I’m so sorry. it kinda ran away from me a little bit 🫡. Lowkey needed to vent my thoughts)

Hi, darling! I'm gonna ignore Abby, because in the context of season 1, Buck is her love interest, not the other way around, since she is the main character. So most developed is hands down Taylor. Ali was barely there, and Natalia didn't fulfill what they wanted to do with her since the actress couldn't come back to s7. Likable is complicated because Ali and Natalia aren't around enough for you to get attached and, Taylor and Tommy have a past of hurting the 118, so it's hard to be sympathetic at times. Taylor gets a lot of background information, they live together, even though the relationship is clearly wrong, both of them are trying to make it work as best as they can, so it makes sense for Taylor to be around. She tries to love Buck as best as she can, it's just not enough, they are incompatible. And, well, Tommy. Imma be honest, the only thing Tommy has going for him is the fact that he is a man. The bt fandom took that and ran. Basically, they decided that since he is a man and a first responder that meant that the relationship would be super developed and they built it UP based on nothing really (actually based on Lou having a cameo and people paying him to headcanon with them, but that's a whole another you just had to be there), not on the show at least. I don't believe he had a redemption arc, the show kinda makes it seem like being queer excuses his behavior and just doesn't address it. In my opinion, when I try my best to be unbiased and ignore the way I deeply hate the character because of the fandom, I think Tommy is pointedly being written as a bad fit in Buck's life and the relationship will run its course once Buck wakes up and stop just accepting whatever.

And if you think Eddie is the better compliment to Buck and you're still in 312, just wait, they get more intense. It's madness. They are soulmates, I don't care about anything else.

[rugggie]

"SCARY CAT!"

My school bus graveyard obsession has come back, and what better way to indulge it than writing abt it🤞

Sbg Drabbles... my favorite characters x fem! Reader

LOGAN FIELDS.

You and Logan have been friends forever, forever being since middle school, 6th grade to be exact. So You've been though a lot of each other's cringe phases, relationships, family issues, drama.... So it was no wonder you guys were so close, what you didn't expect was to be going through this together. Every single night since the savannah field trip was like hell, Roman eating creatures trying to kill the 8 of you, running like your life depends on it, being scared to go to bed at night, not being able to tell anyone.

And now to make it even worse.. you just watched the side of your best friends stomach get scratched open.

"H-how bad is it.." Logan chocked out though sobs, while everyone just looked at it "why aren't you guys saying anything?! It's bad isn't it, it hurts I'm scared!" He said in obvious panic.

You walked over to him sitting down in front of him "no, you're good bro." You spoke calmly smiling, lying to his face.. even though on the inside you were also freaking out. You took your hand cupping his cheek, and wiped his tears away.

He was still crying, like a lot but he was definitely calming down. "Ashlyn, can you pass me the pain medicine?" You said, still trying to keep your composure.

"Mhm, here.." he said passing you one of the pills, you took it out of your hand offering it to Logan "here, take this it should make it hurt less..."

Logan didn't say anything, he just nodded his head and swallowed the pill..

"Hey, Logan remember that one time in like 8th grade..." you paused scooting into a more comfortable position "..where you got in trouble for calling Mr W an idiot,, because he marked your test wrong and wouldn't change it.. than I felt bad and called Mr W a mother fucker so we could both get lunch detention together..?" Logan nodded, looking at you smiling a bit.

"Oh! and that one time my dad took us fishing and I got a fishing hook stuck in my hand and I made you pull it out?" Logan laughed a little.

"That was horrible, I was so scared I was gonna get it more stuck" he mumbled with a shaky voice.

"Oh my god.. remember 7th grade?!" You said with wide eyes as if you were having flash backs, which you were...(dark times..) flash backs to your bad anime phase, and Logan's stranger things phase.

You laughed, giving you the look.. you both knew what you were talking about. Everyone around you two looked very confused.. aiden even started asking questions that you both could never answer.

You kept talking to him as Ben patched him up, it was definitely helping him calm down.. you grabbed his hand when ben was about to disinfect the wound. Logan death gripped your hand biting his lip. You just smiled and kept bringing up stupid stuff the two of you have done.

It was probably obvious to everyone but Logan that you liked him, Taylor asked you about it before, You tried denying it but it was obvious

You were the only person in the world that would sit and listen to his 10 hour rants about astrology, the only person in the world that stands up for him constantly, you wanted to be the only person in the world that liked him. It was painful to see him hanging out with Taylor, of course you knew Taylor wouldn't ever do something like that to you. But you couldn't help but think he would end up liking her she was smart, funny, positive, and so so pretty. You never knew when the right time to tell him was, or if he even liked you like that.. but for now its best for everyone if you just stay friends.. you wouldn't wanna go messing everything up, and you definitely don't want Logan to feel awkward around you.

AIDEN CLARKE

You and aiden were the definition of polar opposites, he was a thrill seeker, dare I say crazy.

You were carful, and a lot more prone to freaking out in situations like this.

"A-Ashlyn what was that... it looked like the thing we saw at the weed house..!" you said, panic and fear present in your voice. You had just left you, and your friends shared room. "A-and where is {friends name}?!" You started to cry, wanting to turn back and go get her.

"She wasn't in the room with you?" Taylor gasped, more than a little freaked out. You shook your head no, Ashlyn stayed quiet leading the two of you out of the room.

"Taylor!" You heard a relieved voice, that had to belong to Tyler yell.

"Ty!?" She said in what sounded like disbelief.

"Oh so it was you guys, why are you running? And why are you crying y/n?" Aiden teased with his usual smile on his face.

"The thing from the serrel weed house.. it was in Ashlyn and Taylor's room.." you breathed out, still terrified.

"What's going on!?" Tyler asked, hugging his sister.

"There's something in the-" Ashlyn all of a sudden stopped mid sentence turning around.. the thing was there again. Right in front of you again.

You looked at it wide eyed, still trying to put some sort of reason, or logic behind this all, tuning out everyone. You were pulled out of your thoughts by Aiden grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the room. You all got out safely, making sure to slam the door shut.

"W-what was that thing.." Logan stuttered out, shaking with fear..

"According to Tyler, that would be the "prank" from earlier today." Aiden said, in a very condescending tone. "You know what I find kinda weird,, no one's even come out of their rooms even after all the screaming and banging." The door knob wiggled, thankfully Ben grabbed it before the thing could get out

"That could've been bad!" Aiden smiled, and laughed

"Could've?!?" Tyler spoke angrily, looking at Aiden like he was crazy. You still haven't said anything, you just kept staring at the door still gripping Aidens hand. completely disconnecting from everybody.

"STOP TAKING THIS AS A JOKE, ITS BEEN BAD! THE SKY IS RED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Tyler angrily yelled Trying to knock some sense into aiden, they kept bickering only to have it interrupted by Taylor's quiet voice

"G-guys.." she paused almost in fear "look down.." everybody but you looked down, you did not want any part of this anymore. "Out of sight out of mind" you kept repeating in your head

"How far away is your room?" Ashlyn asked Aiden

"5, or 6 doors down.." he said almost nervously, well you could tell he was nervous. The grip he had on your hand tightened.

"Y/n, Aiden give me the strings off your shorts.."

"Kayyy,,,, why?" He asked pulling his string out of his pants..

You quickly pulled it out handing it to her.

"Y/n.. are you okay, your face is really pale.." Ashlyn said with concern examining your face..

"Y-yeah I'm totally finnee" you weakly whispered out, still on the verge of pissing your pants. She told you guys her plan on using it to trap the devil spawn. She told everybody to go, you were still paralyzed with fear, and the person who was dragging you alone let go of your hand tying the rope to a pole.

Ben let go of the door so the others started booking it, Aiden yet again grabbed you and yanked you along with them. You were struggling to keep up with everyone, maybe due to the fact you're fairly unathletic. You were already panting and gasping for air by the time the thing was right behind you. Turing your head fast enough to get whiplash you saw it reach out for you, Aiden tugged you forward causing it to only rip the back of your shirt. Ashlyn crashed the cleaning cart into it, slamming it against the wall.Ben gave you a look of concern, like he was asking if you were okay. You nodded your head sorta understanding what he meant.

"Y'know.." Aiden said letting go of your hand and grabbing a bottle of bleach "this could be pretty fun!" He laughed looking like an absolute crazy man, he sprayed the bleach in the creatures eyes.. the side of its face started to melt and its mouth unhinged, as if it was supposed to be screaming but none of you could hear anything.. well except Ashlyn, by the why she was plugging her ears.

"Why isn't it screaming..? Is it mute lol" Aiden said tilting his head.

"Ew, why does it look like that.." you whispered finally getting a good look at its terrifying ugly face.

"Y/n, Aiden c'mon! We gotta go!" Ashlyn yelled at the two of you.

"Nah c'mon I think we can take 'em! There's enough bottles-" Aiden went back to making his crazy face, you grabbed him this time pulling him back and running to the room with Logan, Tyler and Taylor.

You shut and locked the door, finally relaxing and falling backwards onto the floor trying to catch your breath. "GAH!" You yelled and jumped back as the monsters started banging on the door.

"Maybe we should put the couch in front of the door.." Ashlyn said. You guys moved the chair, you sat on the floor next to Aiden calmed down a little.

"Hey, Aiden.. thank you for saving me like 6 time out there.." you sheepishly whispered, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Nah, it was nothing! But it was super funny to see you so scared!" He laughed hardly elbowing your side.

"Nuh-uh! So not funny it was scary!" You protested elbowing him back

"Okay, scared cat.. you couldn't even move" he said laughing 10x harder than he was before.

You giggled with him a little bit, sorta embarrassed about how much of a baby you were being in front of him. And even more of the fact that you guys were holding hands.

[trans-queen-administrator]

Can't sleep, just gonna summarize an old fanfic idea that I never wrote but I'm still fond of and I had a lot planned. Simurgh attacks instead of Leviathan, the entire fic takes place in the quarantine zone.

It was gonna be sort of shuffling around points of view to show all the people affected, but the main character would be Lisa who would second trigger after Coil's base collapsed and killed Dinah, which led to Taylor blaming herself and attempting suicide. Her new power would essentially take away her ability to analyze anything but people, but now she can tell pretty much everything about someone and figure out how to get them to do what she wants. She manages to save Taylor after the attempt and slowly nurses her back to health, and because she's incredibly shaken she absolutely never talks to Taylor without controlling the entire conversation with her power to have it go how she wants. Extremely overprotective, obsessed, and manipulative, which leads to Taylor being overly dependent on Lisa.

Labyrinth is also having a terrible terrible time! She was already having a bad day, and the Simurgh's song pushed her over the brink to just have no control over her powers. While they attempt to calm her down so they can get out of the city with her, Elle accidentally kills Faultline and Newter, and has a fun little mental breakdown over it. Gregor eventually calms her down and comforts her, but with the guilt over killing two of her closest friends she's constantly having worse days than she ever has, with her power's altering of space expanding to a range similar to the size of Taylor's bug control. Entire swaths of the city, unusable when she's there, while Gregor just keeps trying to help her get better because he's a lovely person.

The PRT tries to use some of Bakuda's bombs on the Simurgh when the fight starts going to shit. A direct hit turns one of her wings to glass, and it fell off her to the ground. She dodged the next bomb, telekinetically tossing it aside and boosting its trajectory with some tinkertech to send it flying out of the city. Thanks to the Simurgh, the bomb lands directly on and instantly kills the Butcher all the way over in Boston, which lets Bakuda instantly break out of the transport and make her way back to Brockton Bay for revenge (and also for the tail end of the Simurgh fight, she drives her off), even more insane and murderous than before.

The Travelers are understandably having a bit of a terrible time dealing with all this. Noelle went apeshit and forced her way out of the base, which is what led to it collapsing and killing Dinah (and Jess, who is too sane for all this), and she began touching all the capes she could find to get clones to fight the Simurgh with. She makes everything worse, although the fight was already going poorly, and now that the fight is over there's still dozens of evil clones running around locked inside the dome with everyone else. The quarantine zone is being much more tightly patrolled since the Butcher and a ton of clones are in there, so the Travelers are forced to stay there for now. Luke leaves the group pretty early, he was looking for an excuse to do that in canon anyway. They do need massive amounts of meat for Noelle, and the butchers and supermarkets run out quick, so Krouse persuades Noelle to start eating people he kills for her. I wasn't sure if he would hide the source or if Noelle would know and still get convinced to eat it, but either way it would be a bucket of fun. Mars finally musters up the will to leave the group after that, which leads Noelle to get even more deranged.

Pretty much, the two major forces in the city are Echidna and the Teeth, and they create enough chaos that people not on either side can't really just get by peacefully. Labyrinth, Gregor, Lisa, Taylor, and a few others all band together in a third group thats just trying to survive and support each other. Taylor insisted they try to help feed other people trapped in the zone and Lisa talked her into believing that was a dumb idea.

Parian stuck around in the city to try and help get her family out, and is now trapped in the increasingly violent zone when she really doesn't want to fight. Unfortunately for her, she's forced into the Teeth, who figure out she can do some wacky stuff with skin. Bakuda takes an interest in her when she realizes telekinesis plus bombs is pretty fun, occasionally threatening to die in front of her to always be in Sabah's mind. Eventually Sabah escapes the Teeth and joins Tattletale's crew, where she swears off any and all violence no matter what. Mars is also there doing the same thing, they're both just sick of capes and all it entails. They want to be normal and happy and not deal with their friends eating people or being forced to flay others. Eventually this buds into a romantic relationship, and they find genuine comfort and love in each other even with such a horrible environment. Sabah teaches Mars how to sew, and Mars teaches her how to dance, and neither of them thought they really loved those activities anymore, but when either of them watch their girlfriend learn and smile and love those things it feels like their passion for the arts has just been completely renewed. They're happy together.

So then Bakuda comes after Sabah to get her back and Mars incinerates the Butcher by accident while trying to protect her girlfriend. Woooo.

Clockblocker was trapped under some rubble he froze so it wouldn't crush him, unable to escape and forced to stay there as the song droned and his power lasted the full 10 minutes. He swore he'd rather die than let the Simurgh twist him, but he kept freezing the rubble for almost an hour until someone else trapped in the city saved him. Riddled with guilt and self loathing, he wants to be mean to Taylor but she's just kinda pathetic with how much Lisa wrapped her around her thumb so it falls flat.

Theo is getting groceries when the sirens go off and Purity just fucking leaves him behind, same trigger and power as canon. Rip bozo.

There would be a giant showdown between Butcher Sundancer and Echidna. They were best friends and both of them have been twisted by something inside them into beasts who are trying to tear each other apart. At this point with all the fighting like half the city is rubble, and Tattletale + friends are caught in the crossfire of clones and bombs and fire and are desperately trying to get out. Noelle doesn't have perfect control of her clones, and eventually one lands a lucky shot and kills Marissa. Now Echidna is the Butcher, woooo.

She gives up having reason, she's just on a rampage now. She attacks Lisa's group, and they escape but she gets Taylor inside her, eventually Lisa coordinates an attack where Ballistic launches the glassified Simurgh wing at Noelle, Theo grows a bunch of hands out of it inside her to lock it in, and Clockblocker freezes it so she cant escape without dying. I think I just liked the symbolism of it being the Simurgh's wing and I completely forgot that she can teleport now. Whoops. Doesn't matter.

Noelle escapes, and is fucking them up. All is lost, but Scion appears and stops her because like, that's what he does. He completely atomizes her. Nothing but golden light left. Even the people inside are gone, including Taylor.

Lisa loses it and goes on a five minute power-assisted rant where she verbally eviscerates Scion, says she hopes it still hurts that he's alone, says he's worthless, just destroys the little bastard in a grief induced rage. She doesn't even care that her power told her he'll kill everything one day if left alone, she just wants to take out this rage on him. Scion kills himself after 5 minutes of Lisa tearing into him, its implied this was the Simurgh's end goal or whatever, Lisa saved the universe and she doesn't give a shit, Taylor is gone.

So she does the logical thing and kidnaps Taylor's Echidna clone, ties her to a chair, and warps her mind with constant conversation with the end goal of getting her Taylor back. Her power tells her the entire time that this isn't Taylor, it's someone who looks like her but can only hate, and she doesn't give up. I think it works out for her, Contessa owes her a favor now and helps her out with getting Taylor back from something that was never her. This shit was bleak and needed a happy ending. There were even more plotlines I never touched on, I had plans for everyone who made it out of the city too, but this is long so I'm just gonna post now.

[taylorswiftandx]

Taylor Swift and Opposites

Note: huge thank you to @meandmypagancrew for assembling all the lyrics for this post! At the same time, they also created an amazing, giant set of lyrics I'm tentatively calling TS and Juxtapositions, which is a looser interpretation of this "opposites" prompt, and which tumblr is currently not letting me actually post on the blog due to its length. Hopefully I can find a workaround soon.

'Taylor Swift'

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: I’m only up when you’re not down

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

Love Story: You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess

You Belong With Me: She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

You Belong With Me: I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re about to cry

Forever & Always: It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone

Forever & Always: So here’s to everything coming down to nothing

SuperStar: This is wrong but I can’t help but feel like there ain’t nothing more right, babe

You All Over Me: Held out, and held on God knows too long

That’s When: When it’s sunny or storming

That’s When: Laughing, when I’m crying

That’s When: It was sunny or storming

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Mine: You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

Mine: I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter

Sparks Fly: It’s just wrong enough to make it feel right

Dear John: Or maybe it’s you and your sick need to give love then take it away

When Emma Falls In Love: She waits and takes her time ‘cause little Miss Sunshine always thinks it’s gonna rain

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

All Too Well: You taught me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me

22: It’s miserable and magical

I Almost Do: I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: I say “I hate you,” we break up, you call me, “I love you.”

Begin Again: He didn’t like it when I wore high heels but I do

Begin Again: He always said he didn’t get this song but I do, I do

Begin Again: You don’t know how nice that is, but I do

Forever Winter: He spends most of his flights getting pulled down by gravity

Forever Winter: I’ll be summer sun for your forever, forever winter if you go

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Blank Space: I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

Blank Space: You’re the King, baby, I’m your Queen

Blank Space: Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Out Of The Woods: The rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color

Out Of The Woods: We were built to fall apart then fall back together

I Wish You Would: We’re a crooked love in a straight line down

I Wish You Would: You gave me everything and nothing

Bad Blood: Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it’s all rusted

How You Get The Girl: And then you say, “I want you for worse or for better”

This Love: This love is good, this love is bad

This Love: This love is alive, back from the dead

Wonderland: Whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams

“Slut!”: In a world of boys, he’s a gentleman

Say Don’t Go: Now your silence has me screaming, screaming

'reputation'

…Ready For It?: Some, some boys are trying too hard, he don’t try at all though

I Did Something Bad: They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good?

I Did Something Bad: You gotta leave before you get left

Gorgeous: You make me so happy it turns back to sad

Getaway Car: The ties were black, the lies were white in shades of grey and candlelight

Dress: Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

Dress: Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

'Lover'

I Forgot That You Existed: It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference

Cruel Summer: Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

The Man: And it’s all good if you’re bad

The Archer: I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

The Archer: Easy they come, easy they go

The Archer: Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

You Need To Calm Down: Sunshine on the street at the parade, but you would rather be in the dark ages

Daylight: I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked

Daylight: I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate

'folklore'

the 1: Been saying “yes” instead of “no”

cardigan: A friend to all is a friend to none

cardigan: Chase two girls, lose the one

this is me trying: I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting

illicit affairs: It’s born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times

illicit affairs: They show their truth one single time but they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times

invisible string: Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

epiphany: Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out, out

epiphany: Someone’s daughter, someone’s mother

betty: I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you

betty: Those days turned into nights

peace: I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

'evermore'

willow: The more that you say, the less I know

'tis the damn season: I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay

tolerate it: I notice everything you do or don’t do

tolerate it: I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it

tolerate it: Gain the weight of you then lose it

ivy: I’d live and die for moments that we stole

marjorie: What died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive, you’re alive in my head

marjorie: What died didn’t stay dead, you’re alive, so alive

closure: I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life, staying friends would iron it out so nice

right where you left me: Friends break up, friends get married

right where you left me: Strangers get born, strangers get buried

'Midnights'

Anti-Hero: Midnights become my afternoons

Midnight Rain: He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

Question…?: Good girl, sad boy

Vigilante Shit: I don’t dress for women, I don’t dress for men

Vigilante Shit: I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends

Vigilante Shit: She don’t start shit but she can tell you how it ends

Bejeweled: Don’t put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart

Labyrinth: Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out

Labyrinth: Break up, break free, break through, break down

‘The Tortured Poets Department’

But Daddy I Love Him: Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?: If you wanted me dead, you should’ve just said, nothing makes me feel more alive

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): I can fix him, no really, I can, woah, maybe I can’t

loml: Still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried

loml: You low-down boy, you stand-up guy

loml: When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes, well, you took me to hell too

loml: What we thought was for all time was momentary

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

Clara Bow: It’s hell on earth to be heavenly

imgonnagetyouback: Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same

The Albatross: The devil that you know looks now more like an angel

The Prophecy: I guess a lesser woman would’ve lost hope, a greater woman wouldn’t beg

Cassandra: When it’s “burn the bitch,” they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out, it’s quiet

The Manuscript: Looking backwards might be the only way to move forward

Other Songs written by Taylor

Beautiful Ghosts: Born into nothing, at least you have something

Beautiful Ghosts: Born into nothing, with them I have something, something to cling to

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever: Give me something, oh, but you say nothing

I Heart ?: I’ll be fine if you just walk by but you had to talk about why you were wrong and I was right

I Heart ?: And now you ask about you and I, there’s no you and I

Only The Young: The game was rigged, the ref got tricked, the wrong ones think they’re right

Only The Young: They think that it’s over but it’s just begun

Renegade: There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can say goodbye and you can say hello

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can laugh and cry

Official Alternate Releases

Vigilante Shit (Clean Version): I don’t start it but I can tell you how it ends

Vigilante Shit (Clean Version): She don’t start it but she can tell you how it ends

Cassandra (Clean Version): When its “burn the witch,” they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out it’s quiet

[coconut-dreamz]

you belong with me- neteyam sully

characters: modern! neteyam (18) x f!reader (18), kiri sully (17) , tsireya (17) , lo'ak sully (17), ao'nung (18), neytiri and jake sully

warnings: its a little angsty i suppose, kissing

word count: 8.7k

genre: modern au, highschool au, kinda fluffy ish, kinda angsty ish

a/n: this is my first time posting i hope it doesn't completely suck ! based off you belong with me by taylor swift if you couldn't tell from the title. the ending kinda sucks and i lowkey hate it but, i hope you all enjoy !! <333

i was laying on neteyam's floor while he was sprawled out on his bed, the both of us were scrolling on our phones, sending each other tiktoks. "i don't understand how you two call this hanging out. you're not even talking to each other." mr. sully, er, jake states from the doorway. "we are talking," i pipe up, putting my phone down looking up at the older man. he walks in and takes a seat at the edge of the bed. "kids these days," he says to no one in particular. 

this makes me and neteyam look at each other with matching grins on our faces. "your mom sent me up here to tell you two to come help set up for dinner. i assume you'll be staying over again y/n?" jake asks with a look towards me, all i do is nod and smile. the sully's know me so well, probably better than my own parents at this point. "soon enough your parents are gonna have to start sending me a check for how much i feed you." jake jokes with a smile, "i'll let them know." i return the smile, the three of us head out of neteyam's room. he and i walk down the stairs as jake continues down the hall to get the other sully kids. 

the two of us make our way to the kitchen where neytiri was chopping up some lettuce, for one of her salads no doubt. neytiri was currently in her almond mom era and the house was now and ingredient only house. though, that didn't stop lo'ak from having a large stash of takis and hot cheetos under his bed. neytiri would have a heart attack no doubt if she were ever to step into the warzone he called his bedroom.  jake had once called lo'ak's room worse than anything he had seen before, and that was a lot coming from a literal marine.

neteyam walks ahead and stops on the other side of the kitchen island, facing his mom. "hey mom, what can we help you with?" neteyam asks, always the golden child. "one of you can set the table and the other can help me mix the salad dressing." i make a move towards the counter and begin grabbing the vinegar and olive oil, not wanting to set the table. "ugh, you devil." neteyam mutters out when i beat him there. i stick my tongue out and point towards the table he had to now set. "why is it always the two of us helping? you have three other children mom." neteyam complains to his mother. "tuk is too young, and you know how the other two are." all neteyam does is sigh in response. 

he was well aware of how lazy kiri and lo'ak were when it came to helping with dinner. all those two wanted to do was come down and eat and then go back to their rooms. "is spider here?" he asks his mother, the two of us had been in his room for hours, totally unaware of anything going on outside of the four walls of his room. "unfortunately, you know how he follows kiri around like a lost dog," his mother responds, her distaste for the young boy was evident. all i could do was chuckle as i added a little more honey to the vinaigrette. soon, the salad is tossed together, the table is set and the other sully kids come running down the stairs at the scent of the finished dinner. 

after dinner is finished i gather my things from neteyam's room and make my way to the front door. as i'm putting my shoes on, mr sully stops me. "you're not sleeping over?' he questions from the couch in the living room. "no, not tonight. my parents complained that they haven't seen me all week. so, i'm going to sleep at home tonight. but, i'll be back in the morning mr sully. don't you worry, can't get rid of me that easily!" i tease with a grin which he returns. i hug neteyam and he opens the door for me. "bye neteyam, call me." "bye y/n text me when you're home," he responds with a gentle smile. "bye mr sully, bye mrs sully!" i shout as i open their front door. "it's just jake and neytiri!" jake shouts back before the door shuts. 

i enter my car that had it's own spot in the sullys' huge driveway. before i can shift my car into reverse, i get a call from neteyam. "was waiting a few minutes for me to get home too much for you?" i tease after hitting accept. i pull my car out of the driveway and start driving towards my house. "yes, it was. it's so boring without you here. we haven't spent a night apart all week." he complains with a groan, i could tell he had just flopped on his bed. "you should've come to spend the night at my house then, if you just can't live without me." i tease him some more. "but your bed isn't as comfy as mine." he continues to complain. "i don't know why that matters, i make you sleep on the floor anyways. my bed hasn't fit the two of us since you were well below 6 feet." i mention making a left turn. 

"hmm, you're right. maybe i should enjoy a night where i get my whole bed to myself. haven't had that in awhile." "whatever neteyam, shouldn't you be showering? it's past your usual showering time." i hear some shuffling on the other end, he's probably gonna shower now since i mentioned it. i open my garage door and slowly enter, i park the car and turn it off. "i'm home now." i notify him, walking into the house and taking off my shoes. judging by the darkness of the house, i can tell my parents have gone to bed early. "i'm glad. i do need to shower now. i'll text you when i'm done." "later," i bid him goodbye before he ends the call. i decide i should shower too, finally being able to shower in a girl bathroom. 

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kiri, tsireya and i were at the mall together, shopping for back to school clothes. "tsireya, what about this?" kiri suggests, holding up a green baby tee. "hmm, it's cute! but, green isn't really my color. it'd look great on y/n though!" tsireya exclaims after examining the shirt. kiri shows it to me and i decide that tsireya was right and take it from kiri. the three of us continue to look through the racks of clothing inside the store. "ugh, i'm pooped. that was a lot of shopping." kiri announces as she collapse in the backseat of tsireya's jeep. "me too, i do all my shopping online these days. i forgot how much work shopping in store is." i agree with kiri, we had only been shopping for an hour or two. 

tsireya drives us to the nearby smoothie bowl place. we all sit down at a table outside with our bowls, ready to catch up and gossip. "who are you guys planning on going to homecoming with next month?" kiri asks as she takes a big bite of her bowl. "well, obviously lo'ak is gonna take tsireya and spider is gonna take you." i answer in a teasing tone, this causes the two girls to blush. "what about you y/n? is neteyam gonna take you?" tsireya asks with a grin. the two girls were always going on about how me and neteyam were totally in love with each other and were gonna get married and have a million babies together. "i mean we'll probably go as friends. we go as friends every year" i answer with a shrug of my shoulders. 

it was true, neteyam and i had been each other's homecoming and prom date since freshman year. "well of course he's gonna take you! but maybe this year he'll finally confess that he's madly in love with you." kiri exclaims with excitement and a hint of dramatics. i take a bite of the smoothie bowl that had now began to melt in the summer heat. "i don't know what you two are going on about. neteyam and i are nothing but friends. we've been friends since we were in diapers." i deflect their accusations that we were madly in love with each other, i look down at my bowl. "c'mon what best friends sleep over in each others BEDS every night and spend every moment together." tsireya points out, she did have a point. but there was nothing romantic going on between us, we were just best friends. "i haven't slept over or even hung out with him this week." i argue, trying to make a case against them. 

i look back down at my bowl and played around with its contents. "that's only because he has football camp this week. otherwise you wouldn't be here being interrogated by us, you'd most definitely be in his room with him right now!" kiri brings up the real reason we hadn't spent anytime together this week. and she was 100% right. whenever neteyam had his training camps i would spend my time with the girls instead. "fine, you're right. can we talk about something else now? did you know your brother has yet another girlfriend?" i relent before looking over at tsireya, the question directed towards her.

______________________

soon enough it was the week before school started, which meant that football camp was over. i texted neteyam, hoping to finally spend some time with him. i reread the text over and over again. date? he was going on a date? with who? he didn't tell me he was talking to anyone. i text the group chat with kiri and tsireya to invite them to the gym with me, i really needed to go now. i pull up to the sully's house and text kiri that i was here. i scrolled through my phone waiting for her to come out. she climbs into the passenger seat and i quickly pull out, trying to avoid seeing neteyam. 

i turn left and exit the neighborhood, speeding up. "kiri, did you know your brother is going on a date today?" i question her, looking straight ahead. "i mean lo'ak and tsireya go on a date like everyday, it's nothing new." she answers as she continues texting. "no, not lo'ak. neteyam. he told me he was going on a brunch date with someone." i explain as i stop at a red light, finally looking over at her. a look of shock washes over her previously neutral face. "what?! with who?" she shouts, putting down her phone immediately to look at me. "i don't know, but i asked him to go to the gym with me this morning but he said he was going on a brunch date. i didn't even know he was talking to anyone..." i say the last sentence quietly, looking forward again, noticing the light was now green. kiri notices the sadness in my eyes and puts her hand on my right shoulder, rubbing it calmingly. "oh, honey." is all she can say with a look of pity in her eyes. 

i shake it off and give her a small smile, "it's okay, we're just friends anyways." i pull up to tsireya's driveway and she makes her way out from the house. "hey guys!" she greets us with a warm smile. "woah, what happened? the vibes are off." she immediately notices and points out the sad environment that engulfed my car. "neteyam is going on a date with some girl." kiri explains and tsireya immediately understands and gives me a look similar to the one kiri gave me. the rest of the ride to the gym is relatively quiet, except for the music coming from the speakers. 

the gym session was exceptionally hard today. i had went a lot harder than i usually did, needing to let out the emotions i was feeling after hearing the news about neteyam's date. i had spent many years denying it, but i think i really did have feelings for neteyam. too little too late it seems. now, that he's dating someone else. after the gym we decide to go to the nearby brunch spot. we walk into the place and immediately i notice in the corner is neteyam, and georgia. oh, georgia. the girls notice shortly after i do and grab me and bring me to the side. "are you sure you wanna eat here?" tsireya asks with a sympathetic look on her face. "actually, i'm not that hungry. let's just get smoothie bowls." kiri suggests and i simply nod. the three of us leave and walk down the street to the smoothie bowl place.

i just go through the motions, my thought were running. why was neteyam on a date with georgia. he knew how i felt about her. he was my best friend, he knew me better than anyone in the world. how could he do this? after all she had put me through in middle school, how could he go on a date with her? i asked myself. what was so great about georgia? was she better than me? why wasn't that me sitting in that booth with neteyam laughing at his dumb jokes, why was it her? "y/n? are you good hun?" kiri asks, snapping her fingers in front of my face. she literally snapped me out of my thoughts. "huh? oh, yeah, i guess." i answer quietly, not looking up at either one of them. i can't finish my smoothie bowl, not having an appetite after seeing that. 

we're not there for much longer before i drop the girls off. "here, give this to ao'nung. i don't want it anymore, i know he likes them," i hand tsireya the smoothie bowl i had gotten, she takes it and gives me a hug and a soft smile before leaving the car. "do you want me to come over? we can watch rom coms together?" kiri suggests as we leave tsireya's driveway. "maybe tomorrow, i just wanna wallow in self pity for a little today." i answer and kiri just nods with a smile. i drop kiri off, "tell tuk i said hi," and kiri nods before giving me a hug and leaving the car. i make sure she gets inside before i head home.

once i arrive home, i change into pjs and collapse on the bed. it was time to wallow in self-pity. i laid in bed watching grey's anatomy all day and i guess at some point i fell asleep because next thing i know, i'm getting a phone call. i pick it up and hit answer, not bothering to look at the caller id. "hello?" i answer groggily. "y/n! i've been trying to text you. i thought we were gonna go to the gym together." neteyam's concerned voice fills the silence of my bedroom. 

huh, i guess it must've been morning. i didn't even realize i was sleeping for that long. "oh, right. sorry, kiri and tsireya went a little too hard yesterday so i passed out. i guess i forgot." i answer, sitting up. "no worries, i just thought you were dead cause you're always on your phone. i thought it was weird you weren't responding. but are you still up to go to the gym with me?" he asks his voice now calmer since it was confirmed i wasn't dead. i contemplate the idea of going to the gym and seeing neteyam, "hmm, naur. i'm sore from yesterday. another time." i answer him, he sighs in response. "fine, let's get lunch then. i feel like we haven't seen each other in forever." at this i smile. 

my feelings for him might be one sided, but at least he felt the same way about being separated. "sure! as long as you pay." i tease with a smile. "you know i always do," he sighs with a fake annoyed tone, but i could hear the smile in his voice. "alright sounds good, are you driving or should i?" i ask him, getting out of bed and going to the bathroom to get ready. "i'll drive, i don't like the speed at which you drive." he answers with a laugh. "hey, i drive at a normal speed."i defend myself with a scoff. "normal for a demon maybe. i'll see you in 20 okay?" "okay, bye nete." i bid him goodbye with a gentle smile, "bye, love." he ends the call, my heart was beating out of my chest. i loved it when he called me love. 

i quickly get to work, brushing my teeth, washing my face and doing skincare. i apply a little bit of makeup and throw on random casual outfit, before long i hear the honk of a familiar horn. i make my way down the stairs and slip on some shoes before walking out the front and get into his car. "hey nete, long time no see!" i greet with a hug which he returns. ah, his hugs were always the best. "hey, what do you wanna get for lunch?" he asks looking at me, waiting for a response. "hmm, anything's fine. you can choose, surprise me." i respond to him before turning and putting on the seatbelt. 

neteyam just nods in response and begins to drive off towards the restaurant he had in mind. we pull up to our favorite restaurant, the one we always went to together. "you read my mind." i comment as i unbuckle the seat belt and climb out the car. he opens the door for me and we both head in. the hostess recognizes us, immediately bringing us to a table by the window, the one we always sat at. 

we didn't even need to look at the menu at this point, we'd tried everything on the menu by now. after the waitress takes our orders, i put my hands on the table and look at neteyam. "so, what's new?" i ask, leaning my head in my head. "not much, i just had football camp. and that was hell, but it always is. it was my last one, so it was bittersweet. it's hard to believe we're entering our senior year now." he breathes out a gentle smile on his face as he looked at me. 

he looked so beautiful, the sun shone on his face so perfectly. how did i not realize just how in love with him i was before. "yeah, it's crazy. in just a month is our last homecoming ever." i state, and then it really hits me. this was my last year with neteyam, who knows where we're gonna go to school next year. he probably has like a million offers from d1 schools for countless sports, not to mention he was so smart. it was likely we weren't gonna go to school together or even close to each other.

neteyam notices the change in my features, this concerns him. "what's wrong? what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" neteyam voices his concern for me. "i was just thinking about how next year we're gonna be in college and how we don't know if we'll be going to the same school or not." i explain to him, sadness overcoming me. "what if we're not as close as we are now?" i continue, looking up at him hoping to find some reassurance. "don't even worry about that. we will always be close. you're my best friend, i'd be lost without you by my side. i'm not gonna let the fact that we won't be living down the street from each other change that." he laughs, grabbing my hand and holding it. this causes a wave of calm to wash over me. 

i felt a lot better knowing he wouldn't let us drift apart no matter how far away we are physically. "wow, i feel a lot better now. is there anything else new with you?" a smile makes its way onto my face. "uh, yeah actually. i have a girlfriend now." neteyam lets out, a little apprehensively. "wow, that sounds so weird. i have a girlfriend. i guess i hadn't said that out loud yet." hearing this, my smile falters. i try to keep it up as not to let neteyam notice, but he's too preoccupied thinking about his new girlfriend to notice. "that's great! is it the date you had yesterday?" i ask with fake enthusiasm.

so much for feeling better i guess. "yeah, it's georgia. you remember georgia right?" he asks all of a sudden unaware of my history with that state and how she bullied me all throughout middle school. how could he forget what she did to me? i cried to him every single day back then. maybe he got tackled a couple times too many during camp. "oh yeah! when'd you start dating?" i ask all these questions i didn't really want to know the answer to. "i officially asked her yesterday, but we went on a few dates the past few weeks." why didn't he tell me about any of this? were we not as close as i thought we were? i told him everything, and i thought he would do the same. 

neteyam picks at his food with a lovesick grin on his face. how disgusting. "i don't know how to ask her to homecoming. i want to make it special, it's senior year after all." it feels like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me. oh, i guess now that he's dating her that means we won't be going together then. the rest of the meal goes by in a blur, neteyam is too busy gushing over his new girlfriend to notice my unusual quietness. but i guess that was for the best, i really didn't want to talk after hearing that. "do you wanna come over?" neteyam asks as we climb into his jeep. "i have plans with kiri and tsireya so can you drop me off at tsireya's?" i ask with a fake smile. they were coming over so they can help me wallow in more self-pity. he just nods in response and starts heading in the direction of her house. 

i see that kiri's car was already parked in the driveway when we pull up. i bid neteyam goodbye and head in, not giving him our usual hug. i open the front door and see that the two girls had been busy while i was gone. they had built a pillow fort in the living room and had an enormous pile of snacks inside of it. "wow, you guys sure outdid yourselves." i let out a gasp of surprise at the sight. "how was lunch?" kiri asks as she greets me with a hug. "it was fine until he told me that he and georgia are dating now. so much for being homecoming dates all through high school." i answer with a large sigh, climbing into the fort. 

a look of shock washes over the two girls faces. "what ?! he's dating a state?" tsireya exclaims in shock. we always referred to georgia as the state instead of saying her name. "yeah, and all of lunch he was asking me ideas on how to ask her to go to homecoming with him." i add. "wow, the audacity of men." kiri responds after hearing that. "it's whatever, let's just watch romcoms and eat snacks." i dismiss the conversation and grab the remote.

halfway through our third rom com the front door opens and waltzing in is ao'nung. "woah, you guys built a pillow fort. oh no, who got dumped?" ao'nung knew our tradition well. whenever a boy did one of us dirty we'd build a pillow fort and do what we were currently doing. "nobody technically." i pipe up, poking my head out from the fort.  i motion for him to crawl in and join us. "what does that mean? spill." ao'nung commands as he grabs the hot cheeto bag. "it's neteyam." kiri answers his question. 

immediately, ao'nung understands and faces towards me, giving me a comforting hug. "it's stupid, it's not like the two of us were together anyways." i bring up, fighting back tears. "just because you weren't together doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. it sucks when someone you love is with someone else. especially when they belong with you instead." ao'nung comforts me. "who are you and what did you do to my brother?" tsireya accuses and points her finger at him. 

ao'nung just glares at his younger sister. "i can be wise ya know." he defends himself, crossing his arms. "wait, why are you home so early? i thought you were out with olivia?" i ask ao'nung. "haha, right. well, i broke up with her." he answers sheepishly, looking away from us. "again? this is like your third girlfriend this month!" kiri exclaims in surprise mixed with disgust. "you're such a womanizer ao'nung. can't believe i'm related to you." tsireya insults him. he puts his hands up in defense. "hey! i'm not a womanizer. i don't sleep with them, i just kiss them at most. it's just none of them are the one. i thought natalie was the one, but we all know how well that turned out." ao'nung lets out, now crestfallen. 

i immediately hug him in comfort, just like how he had done for me not too long ago. natalie was his ex girlfriend, the only one he actually loved. they had been together since freshman year. they had only recently broken up a few months ago when he had walked in on her making out with one of ao'nung's teammates. "hey! you two should go to homecoming together then! you are both fresh out of a date after all." kiri suggest, acting like it was the idea of the century. "

i slowly come around to the idea, i look up at ao'nung to try and gauge his reaction. "i'm down if you are." he responds with a gentle grin. "alright, looks like we've got ourselves a date." i joke making him chuckle. "i'll let you know what color i'm wearing so we can match." 

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i was studying in the living room when my dad sat down next to me. "hey, why hasn't y/n been around lately? did you two get into a fight or something?" he questions me, i look up from my textbook at him. "why do you miss her? but no, we're not fighting or anything. georgia just doesn't like when i spend time alone with her so i don't ask y/n to come over anymore." i explain to him, a weird look appears on his face. "i hope you're smart enough to realize that maybe you shouldn't date someone who doesn't let you hang out with your best friend." is all he says before he gets up and leaves. that was weird.

i go back to my homework before i get a text message. it was georgia, she was asking if i'd come with her to the mall. deciding i could finish my homework later i put my stuff away. "bye mom, bye dad, i'm going out. i'll be home by 8!" i yell before leaving . i pick georgia up and we head to the mall. she wanted to go prom dress shopping. i was sitting in a chair at the third dress shop we'd gone to. "what do you think?" georgia asks walking out in a blue satin dress. wow, she looked amazing. "babe, you look gorgeous." i mutter out, i was awestricken by her beauty. 

loud laughter breaks my focus on her, i look over to where the sound was coming from. when i lay my eyes on the people laughing, i do a double take. it was y/n and ao'nung. what were they doing here together? i didn't know that they were close enough to hang out alone. "i think you'd look hot in this one!" ao'nung exclaims holding up a neon green dress.

at the sight of it y/n starts laughing even harder and he soon joins. "neteyam." georgia calls my name and i bring my focus back on her. "what are you looking at nete?" she asks, looking in the direction y/n and ao'nung previously were. "i was just looking at those dresses over there, i think you'd look really good in the red corset one." i divert her attention to the dresses instead of the two people looking at them. 

georgia walks and picks up the red dress, "wow, this is so pretty neteyam! you have a good eye. i'll be right back." she smiles and retreats into the dressing room to try on the dress. i look over to where y/n and ao'nung were but they had gone somewhere else.

eventually, georgia chose a faded blue corset dress, which i paid for. i didn't realize i had also signed up to pay for her shoes and accessories too, but it seemed to make her really happy, so i obliged. i dropped georgia off at her house after we had gotten dinner and went home. 

upon entering through the front door, i saw my parents sitting at the kitchen island. it seemed that they were waiting for me to get home. "neteyam, come here." my mom says calmly, oh no. i must be in deep shit if she was talking so calmly. "am i in trouble?" i question as i take a seat across from where my dad was standing. "no, but we were just wondering why you spent around $200 today. and why you've spent a total of $500 this month now. you're not usually a big spender." my dad questions me, i avoid eye contact. 

i think the three of us knew the reason as to why i was spending so much lately. "you need to stop spending so much on your so called girlfriend, you're gonna bleed your account dry at this rate." my mom instructs me. "are you her sugar daddy or her boyfriend? because right now it looks more like the former." my dad states, crossing his arms. "but didn't you spend a lot on mom when you first started dating?" i try to argue back. man, was that a mistake. a look of coldness washes over my dad's face, "the difference between us was that i could afford to spend a lot on your mom and it wasn't this much in this little time." he explains calmly, "just stop spending so much on her neteyam. if she really liked you, she wouldn't make you spend so much on her. i don't like this girl much." my mom states, looking me dead in the eyes. 

her comment angers me, does she think that georgia is using me? she would never. she was so sweet and showered me in love and affection and i just wanted to show her how much i cared by buying her things occasionally, but i didn't want to fight with my parents so i relented. "okay, i'll stop buying her things all the time. am i good to go?" my parents nod and i make my way up the stairs towards my room. 

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it had been weeks since i'd talked to neteyam, he practically ditched me once school started. despite the fact that we were practically in every class together he never uttered a word to me. he had ditched me to sit with georgia and her friends at lunch, so i was left to sit with kiri, tsireya, lo'ak, spider, rotxo and ao'nung. 

oh ao'nung. things had begun developing between the two of us since we decided to go to homecoming together. he replaced the empty space neteyam left and i replaced natalie's space. we weren't using each other, but it was nice to have each other's company. we had become best of friends, we'd never realized how similar we were before.

we both were too preoccupied with other people to notice before. ao'nung had began to call each other our platonic soulmate. there was nothing romantic between us, but he completed me in a way nobody else had. not even neteyam. he was like my soul brother, and i his soul sister. 

not only did neteyam ditch our friend group but he also decided to ditch our homecoming group in favor of his new girlfriend's. but it would've made for an awkward night if he brought her to our group, none of us really liked her. which would have made for a really uncomfortable night for her. she was like the hailey bieber to my selena gomez, at least that's what tsireya and kiri kept saying. 

according to the other two sully siblings, neteyam had changed a lot since the two had started dating. his grades were slipping and he was staying out later and going to more parties because of georgia. their parents were getting more and more annoyed with neteyam due to this. 

i wonder how jake and neytiri were. i hope they're well, i haven't seen them in awhile. this was all due to the fact that i stopped coming over to the sully house. i didn't want to run into neteyam and that state. so, we had started going to tsireya and ao'nung's house to hang out.

it was monday of homecoming week, which meant that they were announcing the homecoming court at lunch today. of the 10 senior boys, two of them were neteyam and ao'nung. this wasn't a surprise to anyone, the two were practically on every sports team and due to this they were quite popular. georgia, unfortunately, was also one of the candidates for queen. it was a wonder how she had so many friends considering she was very much a mean girl. the biggest surprise was that they had voted me onto the court too. 

by no means did i consider myself popular. i was quite reserved and kept to myself and my small group of friends. but i must have been due to the fact that i was on the tennis team with kiri and on the swim team with tsireya during the winter months. i supposed i had spent a lot of time underestimating myself. 

___________________

friday had come a lot quicker than anticipated, that meant it was the day of the homecoming game. in the past, i'd gone to every one of neteyam's home games and worn his jersey. this season was different, i still went to every game with kiri and tsireya, but instead of wearing neteyam's jersey i wore ao'nung's. this did cause many people to speculate that he and i were dating. it definitely didn't help that he and i spent a lot of time together now.

the crowd erupted in cheers as ao'nung ran into the end zone and started doing a celebration end. i had to admit, ao'nung was one of the best tight ends. he always managed to get a touchdown. neteyam was a great quarterback and the duo worked really well together. there wasn't a throw ao'nung couldn't catch. the two had scored a lot of points for the team that resulted in the team winning every game so far this season. 

the game ended fairly quickly, the other team managed to only score once against our school. the school rushes the field and i run towards ao'nung and tackled him with a hug. "great job, nung." i whisper into his ear. he spins me around all of a sudden and i start screaming in joy. being with ao'nung really brought out my inner child. with him, it felt like i was the only person in the world. 

ao'nung set me back on the ground and swept his sweaty hair off his forehead. "i need to shower and get my stuff first but i'll be back soon. wait for me?" he asks and i just nod with a smile on my face. i find kiri and tsireya and the three of us wait by the entrance for the boys. i spot ao'nung leaving the locker rooms in a fresh set of clothes with his duffle bag hanging off his shoulder. he approaches us and greets us, "the guys invited me to a party at one of the guys, wanna go?" he asks me, i consider it for a little before deciding against it. "no, i'm not really in the mood for a party tonight. i have to get ready tomorrow and i don't wanna oversleep." i answer him. 

he nods, "sounds good, i don't think i'll go either. you guys are getting ready at our house right?" he asks the three of us, we all nod in response. "yeah, we're gonna sleepover and get ready together." kiri answers his question. "ooh sleepover? can i join?" ao'nung asks all excited. "of course ao'nung." i answer with a chuckle at his response. "let's get some food before we head home. i'm starving." ao'nung complains grabbing his stomach to emphasize his point. "okay, sounds good. me and kiri are gonna wait for spider and lo'ak. you two should head there first and get a table, we'll meet you guys there." tsireya suggests to me and ao'nung. "alright see you guys soon." i answer and ao'nung head towards his truck. he opens the passenger seat for me before tossing his gear into the truck bed and climbing into the driver's side. he starts the car and we head towards the local burger place.

______________________

the girls and i had spent all morning and afternoon getting ready for homecoming. i was feeling a little sad since it was the last time i'd be going to homecoming, especially with the two girls. the eight of us were in a greenhouse downtown taking homecoming pictures. all of our parents were here taking pictures for us. "wow, you look great y/n. you're all grown up now. not the little girl neteyam would play in the mud with." jake says with a sad smile on his face, realizing how we had all grown up now. "thanks jake, but don't worry i'll never grow out of eating all the food in your house." i joke and he laughs. "ma jake, we need to go. we have to get to neteyam's to take pictures of him." neytiri interrupts. "bye jake, bye neytiri, see you soon." i give the couple a hug, "you look so beautiful," neytiri whispers into my ear and giving me a squeeze before letting go.

ronal insists on taking about a million pictures of ao'nung and i together in our matching outfits. along with about a billion pictures of us with tsireya and lo'ak. "i can't believe my babies are so old now." tonowari holds back tears as he watches the four of us posing together. "keep it together dad, you're embarrassing me." ao'nung says through closed teeth and a big grin on his face. tonowari wipes a couple tears away as the four of us switch poses. 

after our pictures we headed to dinner at a hibachi restaurant. we laughed our asses off seeing rotxo fall out of his chair trying to catch the shrimp. we had finished dinner and arrived at the venue. ao'nung immediately drags me to the dance floor to dance with him. shortly after, the rest of our group joins us and we spend two hours just dancing and screaming the words to the songs being played. the music stops and the principal calls our attention to the front stage. "attention everyone, it's time to crown our homecoming queen and king along with the prince and princess. so can the homecoming court please come up on stage?" 

ao'nung leads me up front to the stage and we line up with the 18 other seniors. i see neteyam and georgia standing on the other side of the stage. "alright, first up is our homecoming prince and princess. this year's homecoming prince is..." there is a drum roll before the principal opens the envelope and announces into the microphone "ao'nung mato," he gives me a smile before he walks up from his place and the previous homecoming prince puts the little crown on him. after his crowning the principal continues, "the homecoming princess is georgia williams!" she makes her way to the center with a grin on her stupid face as people clap for her. 

after things settle down mr. kalina opens the homecoming king envelope "your homecoming king is neteyam sully!" the crowd erupts into cheers as he makes his way down front and center. the large crown was placed on top neteyam's neatly styled hair and the sash is draped around him. there is once again a drum roll as mr. kalina opens the final envelope. "please welcome your homecoming queen y/n l/n!" shock overcomes my body, i did not expect that. i freeze in place and the girl next to me gives me a little nudge and i make my way towards the space next to neteyam. the previous queen places the crown on my head followed by the homecoming queen sash. the crowd applauds for what feels like forever. 

mr. kalina speaks into the microphone one more time, "now, for the traditional homecoming king and queen dance," everyone else leaves the stage except for me and neteyam and a slow dance begins to play. i'm a little apprehensive but neteyam pulls me close and puts his hand on my waist and grabs my other hand. 

____________________

i pull y/n close as we begin to slow dance, i could see the fury on georgia face out of the corner of my eye as she watched us dance. i knew how badly she wanted for us to win king and queen. she talked about it constantly, i was beginning to think that's why we had started dating in the first place. i realized that y/n and georgia were wearing the same dress. before, i thought it look amazing on georgia, but now seeing it on y/n i realized that it was made for her. she looked ethereal in it underneath the twinkling lights. "you look gorgeous tonight love," i whisper into her ear. "your girlfriend is right there, you probably shouldn't be saying that to me." y/n responds to the compliment.

i spin her around before returning to our previous position, "she might be my girlfriend, but she's not who i love." i whisper into her ear again. this seems to set her off because as soon as the song ends and we walk off stage, she storms off and ao'nung follows after her. i was about to follow her when georgia grabbed my arm. "c'mon neteyam, let's go." georgia commands trying to pull me the opposite direction. "let go georgia," i argue, trying to take my arm away from her. "what do you mean? where are you trying to go?" she questions with a confused look on her angry face. "after y/n," i simply answer, wrestling my arm free from her and chasing after y/n. 

i leave the main event room and follow her and ao'nung out to the parking lot. "y/n wait! can we talk for a moment?" i yell out as i finally catch up to the two. "i don't think she wants to talk to you man," ao'nung intercepts, putting a hand on my chest to stop me from approaching her. "this is between me and her, so you should step away," i respond throwing his hand off me. "hey man i don't want any trouble, but i don't think she wants to talk to you right now," he continues, putting his hands up in surrender. "she can talk for herself, ao'nung." i argue, trying to push him out of the way. "it's okay ao'nung." she says stepping towards us. 

he looks at her and she just nods at him, "alright let me know if you need anything then." he says to her before going back into the dance. "what do you want neteyam?" she asks, clearly tired. "i want you," i answer, taking a step towards her. she takes a step back, "you're being selfish neteyam. you can't decide all of a sudden that you want me and you want to be together. you're literally dating the girl who made my life miserable! do you not remember how i'd come crying to you everyday in middle school?" she shouts at me, anger evident on her face. 

"how can you call yourself my best friend if you literally ditched me the second you got together with her? and now all of a sudden you come and say you want me? how selfish could you possibly be? i honestly misjudged you neteyam, because i would never do this to you. i would never hurt you the way you hurt me. i've loved you for years, you can't just decide all of a sudden that you love me too and you want to be together after you stomped on my heart and treated me like shit for the past month and a half. yet, despite the way you've treated me lately i am still so hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you. i'm angry at you because it should've been me, you belong with me." i was shocked by the way she yelled at me. "just leave me alone neteyam," she states, her tone was a lot softer than previously. and with that, she walks back into the event center.

i stand there, staring at where she had disappear for what felt like forever. i see someone wearing the blue dress walk up and i look up, hoping it was y/n. it was just georgia, great. "neteyam, how could you just leave me in there like that?" she shouts, it seemed that she was raging. "don't you get it? we're over. i'm tired of how you walk over me and force me out of my comfort zone against my will." i explain to her as gently as i could, but i was angry. "but i love you!" she proclaims, desperation evident in her voice. "no, you don't. this entire time you've been in love with the idea of me, not who i am. you don't even know the first thing about me. you just wanted to be with me because you wanted to be an it couple. and i'm tired of being used. bye georgia, have a good life." i finish, walking towards my car, not sparing her a glance. 

i was exhausted, both physically and emotionally and i just wanted to go home. i turn the car on, not even bothering to turn any music on and head home. the house was dark when i got home. i throw my keys in the bowl by the door and take my shoes off. i quietly walk up to my room.

 the hallway light turns on, blinding me a little and my dad's tired voice calls out "neteyam? is that you?" "what are you doing back? i thought you were sleeping over at a friend’s?" he questions looking up and down at me. "i just wanted to shower and go to bed." i answer simply. "ah, i see you won king. that's nice son." he smiles, patting me on the back. "yeah, georgia didn't get queen and she's really upset about it, but i broke up with her so it's not my problem anymore. you and mom were right." i hated to admit that, but it was true. 

instead of having a smug look on his face like he usually does when i admit he was right, he just gave me a sympathetic look. "hey, it's alright. there'll be other girls, ones who won't use you." he reassures me with a hug. "i know, but i just want y/n. though, after our fight it seems like that won't be happening ever." i sigh, a dejected look appears on my face. "just give her a couple days but then apologize to her. not a shitty one, but a heartfelt one that let's her know how you feel." "but what if she's mad at me for the rest of our lives." "c'mon now, she's never been able to stay mad at you for more than a few days. you should head to bed now, it's late."

_____________________

it had been a few days since the whole homecoming ordeal and things had settled down. news had spread that neteyam dumped georgia at homecoming and she was quite miserable now. i didn't wanna say i was glad to see it, but i definitely wasn't upset by it. things had returned to a more normal state, i had even gone to the sully's house a couple times. tuk had gotten upset with me for not coming to see her much recently. 

i had seen neteyam a few times, but he was giving me space. it was very welcomed at first, but now i wish he'd talk to me. i hate to admit it, but i missed my best friend. while ao'nung was amazing and caring, he wasn't neteyam. and as much as i wanted to hate neteyam for how he'd treated me, the heart wants what it wants, and my heart definitely wants neteyam. i had finally decided enough was enough and stormed into neteyam's room after school one day. he jumped up from his seat at his desk at the suddenness of my actions.

he recomposed himself and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. "i still stand by what i said on saturday, but i can't deny it anymore. i want you back in my life. what you did was shitty, but i get it. she was your first real girlfriend and you were blinded by your love for her or whatever." i blurt out, "but if you apologize to me right now, i promise i'll accept it and we can go back to being friends." i finish, taking a seat on his bed, across from him. 

"i'm sorry y/n, i shouldn't have let georgia come between us. i shouldn't have even dated her in the first place considering how she made your life miserable and never and apologized or acknowledge what she did was shitty. i'm a shit best friend and honestly, you shouldn't accept my apology. but i'll spend the rest of my life making up for my mistake or for however long you'll have me in your life." at his words i began tearing up, 

"oh no, don't cry. i hate it when you cry, especially when it's my fault. come here pretty girl. i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry. but i love you okay? and i'll make it up to you with a million chipotle burrito bowls." he embraces me and rubs my back to soothe me. man, i really missed this. 

admittedly, ao'nung's hugs were great, but they weren't neteyam's. neteyam's hugs were superior, truly the best hugs known to mankind. "i forgive you neteyam." i whisper into his ear. "i love you, i'm in love with you." neteyam utters quietly. hearing his confession my heart soars. i pull back from the hug and look at him,"i love you," i respond with a gentle smile. he returns the smile and hugs me once again, more aggressively this time. 

we pull back and spend a few moments looking at each other. slowly, neteyam starts to lean in. "are we about to kiss right now?" i ask quietly right before our lips touch. once he registers what i asked him, he bursts out laughing. "what?" i ask annoyed that he was laughing. "you're so goofy," is all he says before he leans in again. our lips meet there weren't fireworks, but it just felt like everything in the world had aligned. it felt like everything was perfect and i felt at peace. 

this wasn't the first time we had kissed, but it was not going to be the last. we pull apart and we're both panting a little. "you've gotten a better than when we kissed that one time in 7th grade." i joke, playing with my hands a little. he just laughs and leans back in, capturing my lips once again. "ewwwwww! mom! dad! neteyam and y/n are kissing!" tuk walks in and immediately starts blabbing. "tuk!" neteyam yells and runs off after her. i just sit there and laugh at the situation. i guess things were going to be alright after all.

[jungwonderz]

SECRET IDOL EXTRA - chanyn hangout

desc ; in which yn has a secret stan acc , and lee know finds it under his alias : lino. nothing could go wrong when the two idols meet under different identities and start talking to one another, right?

wc ; 558 (not proofread)

as soon as chan opens the passenger door to yn’s black BMW , he was immediately greeted with the smell of lavender and the sound of ‘the lakes’ playing. “finally , the great bang chan decides to arrive 7 minutes late.” yn says as she checks the time accompanied by a playful smirk. “you’re acting like you weren’t just late to your practice, and now you have to get dinner for everyone. so shut up and start driving.” chan retorts back in a quiet voice. even though he thought he said it quietly, yn could still hear it perfectly fine, seeing as he wasn’t as quiet as he thought. yn gasps dramatically as she says something about him being so sassy today, while she turns up her music and starts to drive to the cafe. “don’t even mention that tragic event again… they all want fried chicken and dumplings. and what’s even worse is that i have to drive them too! but hopefully the staff won’t let me drive, so maybe one of them will drive.” yn stops to take a breath then continues. “it’s horrible, they all act like hungry animals who have never eaten in their life when i have to pay for things.” yn continued. chan laughs at yn’s ‘tragic’ event as he opens his phone to be greeted with spam messages from the straykids groupchat.

a while later, they are still driving in the car with the only sounds being heard are; yn humming, taylor swift’s evermore album playing, and chan typing and occasionally laughing or sighing. that is until chan says, “your driving actually isn’t bad. i thought this was gonna be my revenge for not giving you lee knows number.” yn does a little shrug and says “nah, im not worried about that. anyways, how is your little mischievous undercover twitter account going?” chan stays silent for a while. “i dont know,” he murmured. “its not like i was actually trying to get followers or make friends. i just wanted see how and what stay were doing, buuuutt it seems like i never get what i want.” he finishes, before picking up his phone to check the account.

yn makes a confused face, but before she could ask a question chan changes the topic and says “turn left here, why aren’t you paying attention?” she softly hits him on the shoulder in a playful matter and says “oh im sorry sir chan, would you like to drive on the way back since you are so much better at driving than me?” she jokes. chan looks at her weird and says “maybe i will if you continue to risk me getting in a accident. i have to prepare for a comeback.” yn rolls her eyes and is about to say how her driving isn’t even bad, but they already made it to the cafe and she decides to stay quiet and focused to find parking.

a few minutes after, they found parking and are walking into the cafe with masks on so no one recognizes them. “could you order for us while i get seats?” yn pleaded. “there’s a certain seat i like to get in here and i want to take it before anyone gets it!” she says while getting her card out to give to chan. “ugh fine just go you loser.” he says playfully as yn smiles and goes to find the seat.

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a/n - i suck at writing so nobody talk abt that😓 but also this was just a filler so yeaa!!

taglist - open, bold cant be tagged. @lcv3lies @m111nho @nikisbf @aroyaldarknessblr @felinows

[legilimensims]

time for yet another coping session ✨ i'll be mean and feefees will be hurt.

i'll try to be brief but ask my bestie and she'll tell you that where i'm concerned brief = 20 minutes ranty audio message.

nah this is gonna be long and i'm not even adding a read more cut. i don't care if i clog your dashboard. stuff needs to be said.

it's funny how i wake up in the morning feeling blue and devastatingly dejected because of the orange bozo being reelected, and as the day goes by i get angrier and angrier until i reach spitting mad levels. i'm angry because i feel betrayed. as an admirer and a defender of president biden (it's not a secret) i feel enraged at how he was treated. how he was betrayed by his electorate.

everything good biden did these past 4 years is gonna be undone because you stupids let the criminal rapi*t win. AGAIN. this is what i can't comprehend. you guys chose to reelect the guy you fired in 2020 because he was a disaster - you elected biden to rescue the country, he DID...and now you brought the old guy back?? the guy you had to save the country from??? after everyting biden did to save your ungrateful asses??? like wtf man. the stupidity, the logic escapes me. make it 👏 make 👏 sense 👏.

i'm mad and i'm not even american, i'm italian. so you'll probably be like "girl why do you care? what's it to you?". well there's a whole world outside of the USA, MAGA is an international movement and many italians embrace that ideology and idolise trump, far-right politicians currently in power included. this means i'm gonna be directly fucked by the result of this election for a multitude of reasons. for example, the right to abortion in italy has been at constant risk, the ultra catholic prolife associations are up giorgia meloni's ass (our fascist PM) and they are salivating at the prospect of a trump no exceptions 50-state abortion and contraception ban so they can replicate it here.

i have spent these past 4 years in the cesspool that is now twitter/x fighting extreme far-right propaganda, italian MAGAturds, fake news, russian propaganda, the 2020 big lie...only to now have trump in power AGAIN, with his slimy couch-fucker VP jd vance, fecking marjorie taylor green possibly in homeland security? the woman who 4 years ago tried to impeach biden even before he was sworn in office??? jewish space lasers marjorie? that uneducated, conspiracy nut blonde TWAT?

i've CONSUMED myself for us as a collective, for a better propaganda and conspiracy-free world. nobody made me do it, i chose to because I CARE. i've fact-checked disinformation into oblivion. for 4 years. and this is what i get. the party with a president who tried to overturn an election and incited an insurrection to stay in power, is back in the white house. everything i and others did was for nothing. you legitimated the big lie. you legitimated january 6th.

i get my fecking trump wannabe salami-kisser VP dressing up in a black dress suit with a red tie as an omage to his orange yam jesus, to mock the opposition. women getting r*pe threats on social media. after everything this is what i get. it's their gloating that i can't stand. my ego can't take it. people are gonna die and they're gleeful about it because they have defeated the "woke virus" and "owned the libs" and the "zecche comuniste" italian for "communist ticks" it's a dispregiative for left-wingers. all achieved with YOUR HELP.

and don't even start with "but the gRocErY pRiCeS and iNfLaTiOn and palestine" nah fuck you. with trump everything is gonna be worse and you actually had the balls to risk the lives of women, of immigrants, of the lgbtq+, and the bpoc community, ukrainians & palestinians, for what...for putin's puppet's false promise of cheaper eggs and gas? for "teaching the dems a lesson"? fuck 👏 you 👏 all the way to HELL.

i've always said that the left will be its own ruin, both in the usa and in italy and i keep being proven right, and the problem lies in us the electorate. time to stop blaming our own dem parties and start to realise that being a left-winger is hard, that the left has many nuances and this means we can't always get everything we want and we gotta compromise. when you have a fascist political candidate on one side and a not so perfect but competent and decent candidate on the other, you don't like them, but the other guy is a FASCIST...you have to compromise. you didn't and you've made the same mistake the italians made two years ago.

those on the right are lucky they have no such problems, they only need to hate everyone who isn't a white, cis, straight, christian individual (man) and they'll all ride in the sunset together forever.

instead of playing the blame game and saying that you were forced to not vote/vote another/if only it was another canditate/if only this/if only that blah blah excuses excuses, start to man-up and accept the responsibility of your shitty self-sabotaging choices.

you've fucked around and you'll find out, enjoy and appreciate joe biden & kamala harris whilst you still have them in the presidency, you ungrateful backstabbers. you've had it so good these past four years and don't even realise it.

and just to be clear, i do believe there was fraud in this election. numbers not numbering, musk and russia interference and all of that, but i don't wanna be a conspiracy turd. hence this ⬆️

time for bed so i'll leave you with a quote:

"Setbacks are unavoidable, but giving up is unforgivable. We all get knocked down, but the measure of our character is how quickly we get back up" - Joe Biden.

time to fight bitches.

[actual-sleeping-beauty]

no offense taken, no worries

as someone not from the us, the biggest political impact ive seen there has come from celebrities, that's why i mentioned her

she said register to vote and then there were news reports of people registering to vote unlike ever before

i hate comparing her to him, but the same situation kinda happened with trump

the us is very centered on its celebrities for better or worse

it's almost a fandom country, doesn't matter who the citizens are stanning

okay anon, i know that what you see of politics in the u.s. is obviously not the whole picture bc you aren't here, and also lots of u.s. americans don't see the whole picture, so i'm gonna try to explain some issues i have with these points.

there is a difference between taylor encouraging people to register to vote, which is something everyone can do, and her saying we need gun control. this is because elected officials have to be the ones to implement gun control and she is not one of them. she has already encouraged people to vote, which is how we choose who is making the laws. at this point the most effective thing we can do is call them about legislation they propose.

you cannot compare a celebrity that has literally zero political aspirations with a guy who got elected to the highest office in the united states. there is a massive difference between a pop star and the president. i really hope you get that.

"it's almost a fandom country, doesn't matter who the citizens are stanning." the way you have phrased this is really condescending, and i don't appreciate it. also, the descent into extremism is not a u.s. specific phenomenon, it's global. let's not act like europe is doing any better. let's not forget the 2021 peruvian presidential election.

anyway in conclusion, please do not come into the inbox of someone living with the grief of over two decades of school shootings in a country that has done fuck all to prevent them to tell said person how their country is about celebrities and you think taylor swift should say something. please understand how wildly fucking insensitive these asks were. children were shot to death in their school. i don't really give a fuck what taylor has to say about guns.

[lqfiles]

oh ur sick ma’am seriously.. idk if this made the haechan or the JAEHYUN🤗 brainrot worse… im physically ill rn the DATE?? the NOTE?? the KISSSSS FFFUUUUUCCCKKK i cant actually i cant

(much to my reluctance for liking taylor swifts music.. i was listening to wildest dreams while reading the recent chapter and it was timed perfectly….. im….. the kiss fuck. please oubmy god hyuck he’s gonna fuck it up before it gets even better isn’t he.

IM BACK 😼 from my three day hiatus. just caught up on the recent two chapters cuz i have to pack to move i hate it here HOW ARE YOOOUUUUU?!!?!!?

—🪼

HDKDHSKFJSJDJK why only yearn for one when you can yearn for both 🤫🤫🤫 its okay to be greedy…

they’re so cute tho it’s unfortunate that hyuck is gonna fuck it up and y/n is gonna overthink stuff but the cute moment was cute while it lasted

GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK ^^ and omg where you moving to?? i hope you’re not packing all by yourself omggg 😭😭😭 that seems like a lot of stress and effort… you got this queenca… me i’ve been good, i’m realising that my summer holidays are nearing its end and i lowk haven’t done anything productive LMAOOO i’m gonna re-apply for a job this week tho so!!

take care and hope you have great night/day 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[bigskydreaming]

I would honestly rather they kill Bobby off (at least for the next couple years) rather than give him to Taylor. It's not like any writer in the last decade or so has treated him seriously as a character and I've given up on Marvel representing him as a Jewish man (outside the occasional Hannukah pose) let alone a gay Jewish one. Man I would even take Duggan over Taylor though I never thought I would say I wanted him touching Bobby ever again.

I mean, they've basically made Bobby the Ultimate Unkillable Gay Man, so unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective, we don't actually have "let them kill off Bobby to give him a few years on the shelf as a breather rather than subject him to another terrible run or take" as a valid option anymore, lmfao. Our guy just shrugged off getting literally nuked in Antarctica where "a 20 mile wide radius burned hotter than the surface of the sun" with "lol so then I just reformed myself a few thousand miles away and went back to fucking up fascists. As one does."

At this point he's the only one of the 05 who's never actually died, even WITH all the dying and resurrecting going on in the Krakoa era, and given that two thirds of his sixty year history had him surviving without the benefit of being Literally Immortal As Part of His Literally God-Tier Powerset, I don't see that changing any time soon, since, y'know. They've actively made it a thing that every bit of ice he's ever created contains a functional replica of his molecular blueprint allowing him to recreate himself anywhere he's ever been, even on other planets, so long as his consciousness survives. And considering he regularly splits his consciousness between dozens of golems, even ones on opposite sides of the world, pinning his consciousness down in one single body and ensuring no traces of his mind linger in any of his other ice constructs elsewhere before obliterating his psyche is literally the only way to functionally end him and he backs up his mind all over the place to make sure that can't actually even happen anymore.

LOL I love how ridiculous he is looooool, with all the changes made to him over the years, him coming out, him being an omega level mutant, literally immortal, a baby/larval form of Ymir or the previous cosmos' Black Winter.....his one consistent characterization throughout all of that is making himself as annoying as possible to his enemies.

He's like "I actually don't even love being immortal, the idea of being the literal last one standing of all my loved ones and found family gives me indigestion and fucks severely with my abandonment issues, BUT it also bugs the CRAP out of every ego-driven supervillain who is Offended that someone like me is literally impervious to all their best attempts to Obliterate This Twink, and I, actual human incarnation of Being A Petty Little Bitch that I am, fucking LOVE that part."

Anyway, good news is the Taylor rumor was thoroughly debunked and not an actual thing, so we don't have to like, determine whether he'd be better or worse than Duggan, or just a lateral move. I fucking hated Duggan's....everything, the last several years, and was so tired of him hoarding Bobby's character only to do fuck all with him, but whatever, that's over now. We have no idea what Bobby's supposed to be doing in the new era yet, but supposedly its big. Editorial and several writers have all said that he's one of the three names to watch in the coming year, with whatever he does next supposedly being a big enough deal that nobody's gonna miss it, but who knows where or when that'll be, just that its supposedly gonna happen before December.

My guess is he's probably going to be getting another solo, completing the trifecta of the Phoenix and Storm solos. They are the Big Three omegas of the X-Men, even predating Magneto as actual omega levels, and both Storm and Jean are doing stuff with the Abstracts in their solos, mostly Eternity, and a little known fact is that Bobby's 1984 miniseries was literally the first appearance of the Abstract Oblivion, with his daughter Mirage trying to get his help to literally kill her father, the universal embodiment of Endings, so like.....he's actually got a lot of history with Abstracts and cosmic level entities himself, going back to the 80s....which DOES seem to be an era Brevoort has a lot of fondness for. I mean, one of Bobby's exes is literally a gender-fluid sentient star who was fairly recently brought back onstage in Ewing's Defenders stuff....

Anyway. Popular theory for awhile has been he's an as-yet unannounced member of Simone's Uncanny X-Men cast, but I don't think that's it. Most people are basing that guess on the fact that he's close with the entire lineup, with Rogue, Remy, Kurt, Jubilee and Logan being some of the teammates he has the best and most established ties with, but Simone's been very clear from the start that she was brought into Uncanny with the intent of it being a Rogue book with the rest of the cast built up around that.

I don't really see Bobby showing up as part of an ensemble still largely focused around someone else as likely to generate the kind of buzz everyone seems to be implying his next appearance will create. Like yeah, he and Rogue have long been BFFs, but with all the recent changes to the Darkholme family providing a lot of fodder for delving further into Rogue and Kurt's relationship as siblings, Simone's emphasis on wanting to really focus on Rogue and Remy's romantic relationship, etc.....it just doesn't feel likely that there's room there for the kind of spotlight on Bobby that they've alluded to.

Its more likely IMO that he's slated for one of the Wave Two books....either a solo (if he is getting one, I'm crossing my fingers HARD for Anthony Oliveira to be writing it - he wrote one my favorite Bobby stories in a previous Voices anthology, the one with Magneto and Bobby talking when he was just a kid, and I'm loving his current Avengers Academy stuff with Escapade and Kid Juggernaut and others)....OR he could be in the rumored Extraordinary X-Men book. That one's not official yet, but it was pretty credibly leaked that Deniz Camp is writing a book called that, and the Storm writer Murewa Ayodele also let slip that Synch is on an as-yet announced team book, so it feels likely that a Camp-written EX book is definitely happening, and Everett will be on it. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that announced at SDCC.

I would also be over the moon with that option, because I loved Camp's COTV and was hoping he'd have a book in the new era, so I'd be really interested in seeing his take on Bobby. But again, just a hunch.....I do kinda feel like from the way they've been talking, if Bobby is on an ensemble book, he might actually be leading it, and I'm gonna be honest, as much as I love him, I would not want him in the central role of Camp's EX instead of Synch, because Ev's increased prominence as an X-Man was one of the best things about last era, but it kinda fizzled out into him nominally being the leader in Year Three but given very little to do. I want Ev sticking around longterm and continuing to grow in prominence, and him leading EX would be the best chance of doing that, whereas Bobby has staying power by now one way or another, he doesn't need the lead role of that ensemble as much as Everett could benefit from it. So...idk.

I'm mostly just.....give me the details so I can decide how I feel about this 'bold new direction' for Bobby lol!

[acourtofquestions]

Tonight’s read is EoS Chapter 54:

Thoughts below the spoiler bar of safety for the chapter :-)

*thoughts to be updated shortly* — Current heading into the chapter thoughts are in the initial tags ;-) — P.S. from chapter 53 ending; what is Fenrys asking Rowan to do? — Am I supposed to know? — He asked to be “killed before that order is given” and I’m not sure if “that” order is… is it to execute Lorcan? Or kidnap Aelin for a “long” Maeve style punishment, Or a worse “what if” fear of Maeve being unhinged enough to fear Aelin with Rowan & Lorcan so much that she would just kill her without question? Or is this referencing some personal history like his brother “the anchor” & Maeve using something against him… or something else entirely??? And ALSO either way it’s sad and I don’t want that, so I’m even MORE concerned!!!

— The way Manon just so casually calls Rowan the Queen’s mate because it’s obvious to EVERYONE

— Very intrigued by the forms Lysandra chooses to take; like the current Viper (symbolism, but backwards (more like Rep Taylor, than actual “snake”) so I’m HERE. FOR. IT. flip the script queens) but more so because it’s interesting to pick a form that not only blends in/preps for the monsters around them but also scares everyone (including their “team” members like Fenrys or Manon who she doesn’t yet trust) it acts as a protective mechanism both ways.

— CONCERNED/how interesting that they ARE walking in the swamps that Elide & Lorcan avoided at ALL cost… perhaps due to sheer boiling power & a larger group?.. idk. but I don’t trust it😅… this is becoming the theme for EoS lol😅 “I don’t trust it! BUT ITS FINE—IT BETTER BE FINE😅😅”

— "Because she died. And even before she did, this world saw to it that she suffered, and was afraid, and alone. And even though no one will remember who she was, I do. I will never forget the color of her eyes, or the way she smiled. And I will never forgive them for taking it away." — don’t mind me just gonna go cry (and make annotations here since my book apps aren’t working and I’m too impatient for Libby to keep waiting to read this one)

— okay what do they mean by “lock” …this whole time I’ve been thinking “lock” like a door, cause (wyrd)KEYS… but now without having anything they are saying they reached “the lock” so is this like a kind of island, or water system, or what???

— "Perhaps she'd try to be better about it, if this dread was at all like what they felt." — UH YEAH THEY DO, thank you for finally having some preservation to scare me a little less😂

— okay, so, like the Lysandra post I made recently about her guarding Aelin’s back just got more interesting with that now as Manon’s job

— "She could almost feel him sliding into that frozen, raging place-- where born instinct and centuries of training had him seeing the world as a killing field, and willing to do anything to eradicate any threats to her. Not just his Fae nature--but Rowan's nature. To protect, to shield, to fight for what and who he loved." — ugh I love him and them and the Rowan’s nature part🥹🥹🥹 TOO MUCH LOVE I JUST🥹

— "Even in the marshes, it was easy to become drunk on him, on the taste and smell and sound and feel of him." — once again Kanej vibes with the “if he could bottle the sound and get drunk off her laughter every night” quote🥹😭once again HE SMELLS LIKE HOME TERRASEN

— Them training sword names I LOVE THEM

— "Blame my ancestor." She certainly did. For many, many things." — first off glad we’re finally talking about that, secondly not ancestorS and it’s singular *coughs Elena* (unless it’s a hint at her and Manon but I doubt it😂)

— JUST SAY THAT YOUR MATES ALREADY AND MAKE THE TIME AND DONT DO IT ON DEATHS DOOR PLEASE

— thinking the word “coward” is what hit her heart😭

— Manon did listen though…

— “throw a rock?”😂 (okay Indiana Aelin)

— "As if they’d done a hundred times before" — once again guarding back, are they related, players in the game, I love them… come on it’ll all be fine with these two goddesses

— please don’t kill Lorcan but Lorcan don’t you dare hurt Aelin or steal the ding dang keys but hey Elide come meet the fam

— your telling me it’s bad enough Lorcan is warning them to get out not even revenge but that even for his endearing “bitch queen”😂

— I can’t tell if Manon was hopeful or terrified at the idea of the Iron-teeth coming😭🖤

— crap the ilken know the Wyrdkey too now and so does Lorcan so they’ll both be fighting with too much info UGH (why can’t they all just kiss, open a treasure chest, go to a fancy suite, and be left alone for a dang second to be happy or not about to die with the weight of everything on a couple of teenage immortals) p.s. AUTOCORRECT ITS NOT SILKEN ITS ILKEN🤦‍♀️

— "and she knew he'd been taking in the horizon and surrounding lands not for any chance of winning the battle that was sure to come, but for any shot at getting her out. — MY HEART

— Even if the rest of them had to buy her time with their own lives." — Ummm no (don’t you dare get dumb on me Gavriel…. Wait shit if they see Lorcan are they gonna have to fight him not run…?!?)

— “five hundred” — holy shit we are way in over our heads… how are there even that many… oh goodness… time to go get sleep deprived😂 please tell me ur bad at guestimstes?

P.S. old exclamation THE AMULET IS THE WITCH TRIAD THING!!!

[harryhandstan]

HIIII happy (late) 4th of july!!

you are literally the sweet person to ever exist i can’t believe its been like 2 years since we last spoke. its crazy how time flies

oh noooo im sorry that happened to you :(( im glad ur doing better and taking good care of yourself 💓💓 wishing u a speedy recovery!

alsoooo good luck with house hunting! that must be so exciting!!looking for a new place to call home and making new memories in it! i just know youll find the most beautiful homey and perfect place!! im manifesting for u

im doing well!! not much happened except for school stuff but i just went to my first ever pit concert a few months ago! i saw the driver era (only because i thought ross lynch was hot lol) i didnt know what to expect for pit but i didn’t expect to stand for 8 hours straight 😭😭 AHHHH ALSO im seeing taylor swift in a few weeks and i literally cannot wait!!!!

im always thinking about u! talk to u soon!! good luck 🍀 love youuuuuuu!!! 💗💓💓💞💕

-🧸

happy late 4th of july to you too bestie!! I hope you had a great day!!

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this btw it's been storming here so my wi-fi has been in and out all day!

omg stop you're so kind to me I genuinely love talking to everyone and I consider you and many others here my friends so y'all make it easy to just repay the love I've been given!!

it's actually only been a year bub! I only know because I looked it up to refresh my memory about what we talked about before cause like I said a lot had happened and I couldn't remember if we'd talked since my accident. it was last year after my birthday and after harry's house came out. but really it's alright I don't want you to feel bad!

thank you so much for the well wishes ❤ I realized after that I left some detail out of what happened to me and didn't explain it very well, but if I ramble on too much just feel free to skip over it! basically not only was I kicked but I went flying about 8 feet across my yard too, which caused me to have a compression fracture on T11 of my spine. I also had a contusion on my right hip (which is just a really, really deep and bad bruise), which is where the point of impact was. I will (hopefully) continue to improve, but having arthritis still causes me to have a ton of pain if I do too much physical activity. that part of my spine is also partly collapsed and always will be, but my neurosurgeon said that as long as my arms and legs are still okay that I should just slowly start to get back to "normal" life and listen to my body as I go along! I asked if I needed to keep up with x-rays or anything over the years but he said my symptoms would get much, much worse if the collapse got any worse and I would know I need to come back to see him. he also said IF I would've had to have surgery that it would take like 12 pins and a huge rod to correct things so I'm so SO lucky that things weren't any worse!

thank you so much for helping us manifest!!! it means more than you'll ever know because it hasn't been easy so far trying to find a place 😔 we live in such a rural area in GA and we originally wanted to stay in the same town because I was supposed to start a new job in january and we wanted to be close to my work. I probably won't get to take that job now (which is a whole other long story), and since there are very limited options we're probably gonna have to broaden our search to surrounding towns that are slightly bigger! we ultimately want a house together, but I think we're gonna have to settle for an apartment for now until we can find the perfect place for us. anything would be better than here rn though!!!

idk if I've ever talked much about my dad to you but we have as no contact of a relationship as possible even though we live in the same house. he's the reason for my accident and so the day it happened and we were waiting for the ambulance to come my mom told him that we wouldn't be coming back to this house. but then we had no choice we didn't have the money or resources needed to go elsewhere. I was worried as I got better she would forget about that and slip out of that mindset, but thankfully she hasn't! she just told me tonight we'd probably go look at apartments next week and that she can't wait to get out of here. I could truly cry at the thought of having a safe, clean, and comfortable space away from him. it's what my mom, my siblings, and our dogs all deserve!

how is school going? how much longer do you have to go? and oohh I'm so happy you got to experience a concert in pit!! it's amazing but it is soooo exhausting I hope you got lots of rest afterward 😊 when I saw harry I wore my ankle support thing to my pit concert to because I knew my feet would be swollen the next day probably. and taylor swift that's so cool!! I'm very excited for you!! I hope you have the best time!!! where are your seats for that show?

I'm always thinking about you too!! seriously sometimes I'll just think about you or how you're doing so just know you're always getting any spare good vibes I have sent your way ✨ thank you thank you for the good luck!!! love you moreeeee 🤍

I was gonna tell you about getting to see stevie nicks and my road trip to see my little brother but I talked so much this time we'll save those stories for next time if you wanna hear about them!!

[grittyreadsfic]

Headspace by Thomston

For the ask meme

okay so my initial thoughts were quinn/brady bc i love coming up with angsty and really hurtful aus for them and also i feel like i would generally reach for dylan/zach but i'm really just. feeling hallberle for this?

i feel like no one really explores the overlap in their time in the tristate, and that's kind of where this would start, right? reunited on the east coast after a yearish apart, and everything's different but they're still them, and it's weird and maybe a little off, but they try their best to make it work. and they do, for a bit, and it's good. not perfect, but it's good, and they're happy enough

-at least until taylor gets traded. to arizona, which is as far from his edmonton beginnings as he can get. he thinks, like the last time he got traded, that jordan will dip, curl in on himself and write off the entirety of what they've built like he had before (and it would hurt worse now because the first time around they were just dumb kids, but he and jordan had started making plans, started thinking of a life together)

-jordan doesn't dip, and taylor signs in buffalo. it's not great, but it's better than the other options, especially when the breakdown of how the divisions are gonna be structured that year. shy of ending up on the isles or the rangers, its kind of the best taylor could have done. he's happy

-jordan is-jordan is struggling. he feels the writing on the wall, and he should be happy, should be thrilled that him and taylor can make it work, but despite surviving the months apart, things feel heavier this season, harder. he's struggling, and he's starting to doubt if he can ever really have what he wants

-the expansion draft feels like the final nail in the coffin. it's his turn to be the one who's pulled away

-taylor talks a big game after his stretch with the bruins. his points are better, and his agent thinks there's a good chance seattle will sign him, especially if he does it on a team friendly deal

-jordan tells him not to, cuts him off mid sentence and he can see the way taylor shuts down on the video call.

-to jordan, it feels like the beginning of the end