#switch your graphics quality to something other than what you have it on

[robo-dino-puppy]

horizon forbidden west | aloy 69/?

[felassan]

Snippets 🐺💜

John Epler quote: "There’s a difference between playersexual and pansexual. All companions are canonically pansexual." [source]

The opening cinematic Varric narrates at the start of the game plays before CC. "Following character creation, Varric's narration continues, revealing that he's put together a group to stop Solas, having recruited our character and a handful of others so far." [source]

Despite the action-heavy focus, positioning is absolutely key, and using careful timing to hit multiple foes at once can be the difference between victory and defeat [source]

"In-between fights, Varric and the other characters, including your fully-voiced protagonist, discuss events that are unfolding and different things that have led up to this moment. Epler notes for the preview that with how much time has passed since prior games, the team wanted to carefully throw in some reminders without it feeling like ham-fisted exposition." [source]

"The Dread Wolf's ambitions have already been laid bare, but I strongly suspect there's more going on, and Epler cryptically hints that not everything will be as it first seems" [source]

 Mages can move instead of standing in one place, allowing them to get up close and personal with enemies - a major game-changer for magic users [source]

Faction choice affects in-game moments between other factions and locations, as well as characters [source]

"When they were creating this area, they kept that in mind and looked at other locations to figure out how they could make it more grand. They developed the entire area based on a comment someone said in a past game, and if that isn’t dedication to lore, I don’t know what is" [source] (re: Minrathous)

In this demo the press saw femme Rook! [source]

The standard three square hotkeys look like an updated version of past ones [source]

"It sounded like there is also a system that allows hints during battle, like when something is a certain range, etc., that they said could be turned off" [source]

"In cutscenes, rain dripping down a building, blood on someone’s hands, or stepping into a puddle looks outstanding". "Things like clothes and hair are dynamic and move with you" [source]

"what at its core is a beautifully told story of revenge, regret, and the complexities of good and evil" [source]

During the interrogation scene in the bar with the shady bartender, Varric pins her to her own station with a crossbow bolt in order to interrogate her. Rook and Varric then go scrounge the city for clues [source]

Re: using body sliders in CC - "It looked incredibly easy to maneuver around and create a body that is either close to that player's real personage or their ideal fantasy self" [source]

Companions "will not only be influenced by your decisions in terms of how they treat you outside of combat, but closeness to party members will also change how they fight, with those closest to Rook more useful and lethal in battle" [source]

"Our presenter said that each specialization was pretty much as deep as a job" [source]

The game will not be available in India. [source]

The game has a Quality mode and a Performance mode on PS5 and Xbox Series consoles. it runs the latest version of Frostbite, targeting frame rates of 60fps in Peformance and 30 in Quality [source]

They will have more to share on both graphics modes for consoles in the coming months. [source]

David Gaider quote on the portrayal of Anders' orientation in DAII:

DA2 writer David Gaider told Kotaku in February this was meant to distinguish Anders’ relationship with male or female versions of Hawke, but recognizes this comes off like the mage’s identity was a switch to be flipped in hindsight. “Unfortunately, we just didn’t have enough time to get enough feedback and iterate on those situations,” he said. “We would hit a particular interaction, we would make a judgment call either as a group or the writer on their own, and that was it. There was no time for anything more than one gut-check, which is probably not the way to go.”

edit: forgot to add src for last one sorry. its here

[mitziholder]

I was catching the perfectionism vibes, it's shame if it hinders your progress. Your characters and style seem so cool so I wanted to probe. Comics really are a marathon to create. Losing steam is natural and maybe switching up your conception of your project can help. Not trying to pressure you in any way, just hoping to provide some food for thought.

How do you feel about comics as a medium? You mentioned you mostly "skim" comics for inspiration and love Wimmen's Comix but is it a medium you feel very connected to in general and for your story idea?

I've seen multiple webcomic artists unfortunately struggle with the labor needed for drawing panels and incorporating prose along with art and regular comic panels to maintain progress. If you are more into writing than drawing, maybe incorporating prose along with comics/art is an option you'd be interested in. Don't have the best examples but thinking of Homestuck's long script-format convos that follow panels. And for a comic that later incorporated prose, the webcomic Paranatural went from all comic panels to mixing prose and art. I'll be honest that I stopped reading Paranatural as a teen before the shift so I can't speak to its writing/art quality.

“skimming” was a little disingenuous. I have read a lot of comics, but very rarely have I felt that they fully utilized the affordances of the medium. the reasons for this vary; comics are plagued by many issues deriving from the fact that they were, at one point, both extremely popular and cheap (low-brow) - kneecapped by the CCA and warped into something stupid and trivial for children. even today, that perception remains. I would say the majority of people aren’t capable of recognizing comics as a mature medium. lots of comic writers have a chip on their shoulder about this… particularly Alan Moore.

I bring him up because Watchmen was one of the first pieces of media that really opened my eyes as to what comics were capable of as a graphic medium; people regularly recognize the visual artistry of film, the (often) invisible work done in blocking, cinematography, effects, and editing that makes movies feel like art. comics should be art. every frame should be a painting. panels should fit together into a larger picture composed with thought and care. Dan Gibbons did so - with regard not only for how panels fit next to each other but also for how they fit within the page and the page within the chapter and so on… rich with detail, of equal weight to the dialogue in conveying narrative and thematic meaning. it amazed me because of how little the art actually matters in so many comics, only there by obligation (because without art it would no longer be a comic). why is this? I don’t know. profit? but you see it in indie comics, too. that part confuses me. why would you make something if you don’t want it to be good? what’s the point?

anyway, I found that the story I wanted to tell would not fit within the bounds of a stage play. it has continually resisted (with some notoriety on this blog) my attempts to fit it into prose. the dialogue is what moves it, and with my sort of shaky aptitude for art and love of the medium’s potential, I felt that making it a comic was the natural choice. I don’t particularly enjoy the process of drawing, but without art I felt something was missing - a void that couldn’t be filled by anything else. I never wanted it to give the impression that the art was done by rote, incidental/inconsequential, a pure and thoughtless representation of the dialogue… but that is sort of what it has to be at this point. I wish that integrating the visual half came more naturally to me, but I’ve accepted that it’s a skill I’m going to have to hone with much practice. it’s something I’ve struggled with quite a bit as someone who is borderline aphantasic. very little of the art that I make comes directly from my brain. it is not intuitive to me at all. I am so reliant on references, have no imagination, am very rarely struck with the idea for a bit of visual humor or detail that adds meaning rather than merely visualizing the existing script - the words. I am obsessed with words, clearly. meaning and rhythm and punctuation. I’m a word person. I want to be an art person. I want so baaaadly for my work to be good. I try so hard.

I’m often tempted to throw in the towel and admit that my brain doesn’t work that way - that I’m aiming too high, stubbornly set on something I can never really have - not to an extent that I’m satisfied with. but if I gave in to that feeling, I would never finish anything. I feel like once I am done with my classes and my living situation is more stable, I’ll be sort of okay - or at least more consistent - when it comes to the art stuff... worst-case scenario, I cave and go the homestuck route (which is not something I thought I’d ever say). I don’t know. we’ll have to see. once this semester is over...😮‍💨

[phantompeaches]

Persona 3 Reload!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

So since the Persona 3 Reload trailer was released early, I have So Many thoughts on it! I'm both super excited for a lot of it, and a little disappointed about other parts?

Firstly, the graphics are gorgeous. Of course there's going to be improvements, the original game came out like 17 years ago now, the technology, skills and software that go into this have improved massively over the years, as well as consoles being able to handle and display much higher quality graphics.

The environment just feels so much more alive. They've put so much little detail into the areas of this game already, and I do really wish people claiming that they're Just Money Grabbing and dragging out the franchise (although usually referring to Persona 5 more) would take a minute to look at all the care that they put into these games. It's such small things, like the individual brickwork on the floor, and the faint scenes behind the windows. Even just the detailing on the fountain and how the water falls, every little detail comes together to make the environment alive. I'm also a massive fan of blue tint implying darkness, so much modern media sacrifices visibility for darkness sake, and although a small detail it feels very important to mention, as well as how it creates such a great contrast to the light sources? It's a method that was used a lot in film making specifically, although now, again, they seem to prefer to make it impossible to see rather than create an implication and more enjoyable and accessible experience.

Even the menu is incredible. It's visually stunning whilst also being well designed from a UI perspective. Seeing them side by side really gives an indication of how far the games have come. Although two very small changes, Persona 4 switched the Equip and Persona options, and Persona 5 switched the Quests (Missions in P5) and Social Link options. Both of these changes, whilst minor, do show an improvement in UI. The Equip option is going to be more used than checking your Persona is, as theoretically you will be switching out equipment regularily as you gain better gear (although I will admit I am awful at changing my gear around), and you'll (once again, theoretically) be keeping more tabs on your quests than your social links, as social links often inform you in game their level and when they're close to improving, as quests are something you will be checking perhaps even daily as you progress through the game. Moving your currency out from the bottom of the menu makes it easier to find as well, as there's not really any reason to have it there to begin with?

The character models are absolutely incredible as well! Of course, again, 17 years improvement, but what improvement it is! Aigis, my beloved, she looks stunning. I cannot get over the lighting, although this does lead a bit into the things I'm disappointed with.

The sprite art is amazing as well. They've brightened the characters' palettes, and with the higher quality graphics, it's allowed them to add subtler details (like the stitching on Yukari's choker). However, it feels like this was at the expense of some of the character the Persona 3 sprites had. The range of facial shapes seems to have been lost, and even details such as Aigis being the only character with larger pupils is no longer as clear.

A lot of the emotion in the Persona 3 sprites has been sacrificed as well, which is disappointing seeing as it's one of, in my opinion, the best features in the Persona 3 sprites. This is really present in Junpei, as along with losing his distinct chin and little beard, his sprite lacks the personality of the original.

Even in his voicelines and such, they lack the energy and personality Junpei has? Something as simple as the implication of an accent in text can give a character so much personality, can tell you about the kind of person they are or how they grew up. With Junpei, he uses 'lazy speech', where he pronounces the word in an easier way rather than the 'proper' way (using ya instead of you). It instantly gives the vibe that he's more laid back and that he isn't as strict as somebody like Mitsuru who uses full sentences with consistent, proper pronunciation. Although you could argue that him telling the player to refer to him by his first name tells you this as well, this requires prior knowledge of Japanese culture and honorifics, and how these are used in a day to day life, and therefore just doesn't have the same effect in the English localisation as a written accent.

Looking deeper at the sprites, the main reason they had so much more emotion and character was the range of motion. Although some sprites are reused with different expressions, there is a range of poses. This allows for emotion through body language, which not only helps express emotion but personality as well. Once again, the pose used most frequently tells us Junpei is this laid-back guy, and simply having such a range of head placements creates more character and emotion in these sprites.

Persona 4 was when they changed to a static base sprite with a range of emotions, rather than the differing pose and head placements in Persona 3. Looking at Yosuke's sprites, it's very clear they're one sprite with varying expressions. Although this already removes some of that character and emotion from Persona 3, the Persona 4 characters at least have a great deal of different expressions.

Looking at Ryuji's sprite in Persona 5, there's much more animation within it. Having options for eyes open and closed, and mouth movements. However, he has a total of 6 emotions, with the same base for all. Persona 5 uses cut ins for stronger emotions, however this only works for those strong emotions.

The dynamic sprites in Persona 3 really added to the game, so seeing that it seems they're carrying on with the trend of the previous two games is kind of disappointing. It is for sure something that could have been achieved with the current style of Persona, and although I understand its easier for them to go off of one base for both time and consistencies sake, it is something I wish they had, or maybe even will, adapt into this game.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

In general, I'm really excited about this game? Although the sprites really are something that disappoints me, the fact that my biggest grievance is something so small really does leave me excited about the game itself. With the only switch port we have not having any of the cutscenes, I'm really excited to be able to fully experience the game on a modern console, and one that is to me much more accessible than the PlayStation is. I do have high hopes for this game being good!

[markantonys]

you play the sims?! 3 or 4? do you use mods at all, and if so, which one? do you keep sim autonomy on or off? sorry for the barrage of questions, it's just exciting to meet someone else who's into them :D

oh my god yes!! sims is one of my biggest obsessions and i don't know that many other people who play (or at least who are as into it as i am) so i'm thrilled to talk about it!!

i will start by saying that my WOT sims shenanigans tag may interest you haha although i forget if you've read the books or not, so be warned of potential book spoilers in my commentary on the behavior of my WOT sims!

anyway, nowadays i exclusively play sims 4. i loved sims 3 back in middle/high school, but i didn't play it for ages after 4 came out, and when i went back to try 3 again a couple years ago, i just couldn't do it haha i know some people like to hate on 4 and yearn for the glory days of 3, but as someone whose favorite aspect is building stuff and creating sims, i prefer 4 because it's MILES better in those respects. i do have fond memories of many hours spent playing 3 though!

then for mods, i try not to go too crazy because i play on my laptop which only has so much storage space, but by now i've acquired QUITE a stash of custom content despite myself (mostly clothes & hair, not as much build/buy stuff). i don't use too many actual gameplay mods though, the only big ones i have are mc command center, lumpinou's open love life mod to allow poly relationships, and pandasama's realistic childbirth mod to add some more depth to pregnancy. romance & family gameplay is my favorite type of gameplay, so those are the areas i'm most likely to download mods for! i also have a few other small mods such as a dating app mod and choosing your own university roommates, just kinda some quality-of-life improvements but nothing majorly game-changing. i've also been getting into pose mods in the past year so that i can stage nice photos of my sims to hang up around their houses!

i keep sim autonomy on, i like giving them the free will to be able to take care of themselves without me needing to specifically command them to do every single thing haha and it keeps things interesting when they're able to take it upon themselves to do something unexpected! (not that i won't go "nope you're not doing that" and cancel the action if i disapprove of it too much djkfgj)

oh i am also curious to know whether you're an aging on or aging off type of simmer? historically i've always been 100% aging off, i've always done rotational gameplay rather than legacy gameplay and so i prefer to keep aging off and just repeatedly make new households within the same world and have my new sims become friends with my sims from the previous households i dropped after getting bored with them, and everybody lives forever and ever until i eventually feel like the world is too crowded and start a brand-new save file. however, just recently i've been playing with aging on in a separate save file because i'm trying a legacy challenge for the first time! it's the whimsy stories challenge and i'm on generation 3 now and am having SO much fun. i definitely can't see myself switching to legacy gameplay forever now, i do still prefer rotational, but it's nice to have one save file where i'm changing it up!

to conclude, i will put in a few screenshots of some of my favorite sims from the past year or so just because i love them so much and want to show them off as if they were my children djkfg please do not feel obligated to read all my rambling about my children! but if you have any favorite sims or storylines that you've done i would love to hear about them!! it's always so interesting to hear what kinds of storylines other people like to go for, it's either "wow you're just like me fr!" or "wow you're playing a totally different game than i am (affectionate and impressed)"

i will preface this by saying that 1) i don't play on super high graphics because i don't want to kill my laptop, so pardon the screenshot quality if any of them don't look great, and 2) half the male sims i've made this year have been redheaded boytoys and i 100% blame rand al'thor for that. moving on!

first, my 3 whimsy stories heirs so far! eva (gen 1, eco nut), iris (gen 2, professor & super parent), and kiara (gen 3, disaster hoe). if/when i finish the whole challenge i'll probably do a post about all the generations because i'll be so proud of myself for getting through it all haha but for now i'll add pics of each of their families as well! for eva and iris it's the final family pic i took before moving on to the next generation, but i'm still halfway through kiara's generation so this is a mid-series pic from her big fat poly wedding.

in whimsy stories i waited all the way until gen 3 to introduce a redheaded boytoy into the mix, can you believe it? i did not exercise such restraint in the rest of the households in this post.

next, literally just discount rand and mat, i have no excuse. discount mat is named jamie (personality-wise he's not mat-like though, he's a writer) and discount rand i straight up named josha djkfgj to be fair i actually based him off of josha's character in a gay dutch romcom rather than off of rand because i was like "you know what? gay punk jock with a buzzcut is not a genre of sim i've done before." anyway, josha struggled in his life for a while due to having no job and no friends and being a hotheaded loner who is very bad at making new friends, but eventually he became a husband and a dad and a college grad and i was so proud of him!!

rich single mom natasha acquired a boytoy (eoin), as she should, and had a friends-with-benefits-to-lovers arc with him. yes i did make these sims immediately after watching the randfear storyline in wot s2, why do you ask? also, random picture of a family power walk because i thought it was adorable haha

her daughter anya had a kickass girlsquad in college and ended up marrying one of them. oh my god they were roommates!

and finally, possibly my favorite sims of all time, joanna and alex! i don't know what it is about them, maybe just my inner 12-year-old being weak for the "popular jock boy falls for shy nerdy girl" trope jkjfg but i just loved them so much. alex grew from a partyboy into the best and most devoted husband and dad in the world, and joanna from an awkward nerd into a kickass lawyer and novelist. they are also bi4bi which is important information! granted, almost all my sims are bi4bi

[rpgchoices]

Sometimes I really want to read a short summary of what to expect from a game… and thankfully people can also submit their summaries of games they played and help me (and others) find games that cater to their interests!

submitted by @lairofsentinel

(click here for other videogames)

what to expect from THE TALOS PRINCIPLE 2

Story-driven puzzle game. It has exploration elements as well.

The difficulty of the puzzles is immensely reduced in comparison with the first game. These puzzles are more oriented to casual gamers than hardcore-puzzle-gamers. What the game lacks in puzzle difficulty, it makes it in narrative and relationships and human interaction between the many characters of the story. 

If the puzzles still frustrate you because it’s not your thing, I highly recommend cheating in this game rather than abandoning it. The story is too precious to leave it incomplete, it’s worthy to explore it in detail.

This game is highly philosophical, but unlike Talos 1, this one is more focused on the future, on the concept of civilization, and purpose of all these AIs. It has a lot more of anthropology and ethics in it than the previous one. The interdisciplinary information still is amazing in quantity and quality. The metaphorical analogy of the whole game with Christianity remains too. All these details can be appreciated only when you are deep into the game, when small information from Greek myths resounds with the events of the story due to their strong symbology.

It has a lot less content to read than in Talos 1. You still explore the story through console and reading small text archives. 

Its camera can be set as first person or third person [on left/right shoulder or just behind]. Something to highlight: this game has a special section in its settings to avoid motion sickness. Very thoughtful detail.

Graphically speaking, it’s more beautiful than Talos 1, but also it demands a lot more from your computer. 

The game can be finished in around 20 hours and lacks of special, secret, hidden puzzles in the way Talos 1 had with its “star puzzles”. In Talos 2 we have special "golden gate puzzles" than can be done in the last episode of the game, and they are all easily accessible and also easy to solve. 

The main game has 3 different endings that depend on your last choice. 

Highly recommended, even if you cheat. Forget the puzzles if you don’t like them, cheat and play it as if it were a book of sci-fi, where AIs, instead of causing the extinction of humanity, saved it in their own way, becoming the “new humans”. 

Fully voiced except the player.

——- Plot? ——-

You awake as a robot number 1k in a city called New Jesuralem. You are the last person of a prophecy that this AI society has believed for centuries. In a world that lacks resources, has problems with energy and batteries, and struggles with a constant fear of repeating the mistakes of their human ancestors, this society stagnated until a strange event happens in the city that forces you and other 4 companions, to explore beyond the limits and discover alien ruins of higher technology that trigger the new mystery of the game: who made them? What’s their purpose? Are they safe to use?

——- Gameplay? ——- 

Typical game of environmental puzzles, where you manipulate devices that progressively unlock sections of these ruins. You can also manipulate cubes and switches to solve the puzzles. There are new mechanics that were not present in Talos 1, like anti-gravity devices. 

——- Characters? ——- 

Many. You are the main one, of course, leading the narrative. There are also your companions: Melville, Byron, Alcatraz, and Yaqult. There are a dozen of secondary characters that work in this city as representation of the many perspectives that a society can have about the problems. We also find again “time capsules” but this time they belonged to Trevor, a technical assistant of Alexandra. 

 ——- LGBT? ——-

Probably more than in Talos 1. There are some “families” or relationships between AIs that self-identify with the same gender [for example, Hypatia with Aurora].

——- Sadness level? ——- 

It’s still high, since it treats existential crisis. However, it’s a story more focused on a hopeful future than a sad, tragic past, which helps to reduce the sadness level that Talos 1 had. This game still explores deeply the fragility of humanity.

——- Happy ending? Deaths? ——-

This is immensely hard to say. In my opinion, there are no bad endings. The three options available just represent three different ways of being in peace with the world, the cosmos, and life, exploring three different attitudes towards “sentient existence”. 

[notajinn]

Top Games Played in 2023 - Number 1: Super Mario RPG Switch

1. Super Mario RPG Remake (Switch)

This one isn't fair. The SNES Super Mario RPG is one of my favourite games ever, so a faithful remake is almost guaranteed to be better than any other game already.

What I Like

Most of this is just what I like about the original Super Mario RPG because a lot of the game is unchanged.

I love the battle system incorporating timed hits. You still get to take your time on your turn deciding what to do, but the additional input being able to majorly affect the battle keeps you engaged. This is especially important in the late game and new post-game given you're pretty likely to die without good timed hits.

The writing in the game is the quality you'd expect of something that released in the same generation as Final Fantasy VI and Chrono Trigger. It's lighthearted, fun, and includes a good sprinkle of cool moments. The game mostly revolves around new characters like Mallow and Geno, and they manage to be some of the best written characters in the Mario series despite being in only one game. Even some of the enemies like Croco and Belome return later in the game and get their own tiny character arcs.

They did a good job keeping the weirdness of the original SNES art style while updating the graphics to the current gen.

SMRPG has one of my all-time favourite video game soundtracks.

I mean, what else can I say? The gameplay is good, the writing is good, the music is good, the graphics are. Those are the four most important parts of any game.

As far as new stuff is concerned, I'm happy they added a post-game at all! The new content has writing that matches the rest of the game well, and there are some cool bosses. It's also legitimately hard content which is nice for an otherwise pretty easy game. I love that one of the post-game bosses is Booster since you otherwise skip his boss fight in the main game unless you fail a mini-game.

There's one major change made to the combat system in that you can switch party members during battle. This actually makes the game feel very fresh since otherwise I always kept Peach in my party for emergency heals, but now I just swap her in when I need healing. This let me play much more aggressively.

They also added a party-wide super meter. These are fun animations and useful moves, but mostly unneeded given how easy the game is.

Plus it's way easier to move around with a control stick now compared to having to use the D-Pad for 3D in the SNES game.

What I Don't Like

Across the board, the new remastered soundtrack is worse than the original soundtrack. This could just be nostalgia. Fortunately the game lets you toggle between Remastered and Original soundtrack at any time.

The game maintains the strange difficulty spike at the Sunken Ship. It's not hard, but it goes from easy to "I need to try now" very quickly.

A few of the post-game bosses are bullshit and require extremely precise timed blocks to not take crazy amounts of damage. It's also a little annoying to always have to travel to Frogfucious after each boss to find out who the next boss to fight is.

The Casino remains an annoying area to unlock, and one that doesn't really reward you with anything good. Not even a Flower Tab.

Final Thoughts

It's one of my favourite games touched up and with some new content. What's not to love?

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm Gonna Play: Ys IX: Monstrum Nox

I've seen Ys pop up often as people's top JRPGs. I've never played them before, so I jumped into the latest entry blind to what this series offers.

Talking of combat first, the first thing this game reminded me of was Tales of Arise; having skills by pressing button combinations, dodging, on screen encounters, and having a party based system where you could switch characters. It felt extremely snappy and satisfying, and I loved unlocking new skills be it from getting them as I fight, or from shops. It's an easy system that's fast-paced which is also great when you want to play something simple and shut your brain off for a bit.

There are also raids included, which have a tower defense mechanism to ensure you survive hordes of enemies while protecting a crystal, or to collect X number of item in a time limit. It gets quite chaotic but is manageable with the use of upgrades. This adds a nice variety to combat so that it does not get monotonous. Aside from that, the game seems to have a superpower motif going on, allowing you to traverse in different ways such as parkouring or gliding, or accessing hard to get places, as well as some combat abilities. It was an unexpected but fun touch.

The best qualities I've seen in this game are more finer details that add to the overall Quality of Life. One being how the map system functions. You're able to get a view of your current area AND look at the region map, in which you can look at other area maps because why not, all with the press of a button or two. . The game really encourages exploration in a great way by rewarding you with fast travel unlocks, and new shops or quests. What surprised me the most was that the minimap leaves a decently sized trail as you move around, making backtracking easy as well as marking where you've already been in case the dungeons or areas look the same-ish (or if you're feeling a bit forgetful at the time of playing). It's spoiled the way I see maps for JRPGs in a good way, and I'd love to see more games like this. The second detail I loved was the amount of customization in settings, ranging from gameplay to HUDs, giving the player freedom to truly explore or to be guided. And lastly, being able to save at anytime is quite a game-changer. It's not always easy to find time to game, and priorities are there to handle in real life, so having this feature came in super handy.

The story seems somewhat simple and straightforward. It's quite innocent and doesn't get too deep until the latter half of the game. I'm actually quite surprised how deep the game gets into its lore and politics, and it was simple enough to understand without playing the previous games. There's a nice variety in cast, and side quests actually add lore to them rather than being usual fetch or escort quests.

I also find the character designs to be a plus, most of them are designed quite well without the reliance of fanservice. It was a breath of fresh air! However I did find Renegade's design to be underwhelming with such a muted colour palette. It does fit his personality a bit, perhaps.

Some negatives are the graphical quality of this game. It's the latest entry released just a few years ago, yet it looks much older, and very bland in terms of colour. I had fun exploring the city of Balduq and was amazed at the size and depth of the place, but it definitely lacked some colour or variety that made the place truly interesting. Midway I stopped to look at previous entries' graphics and felt that Ys 8 somehow looked better, but I also read a bit about the developer and didn't realize their impact towards the genre, and that they seem to make more budgeted titles, so I can give this a pass.

Another negative is the music, most songs fit, but only about 2 tracks truly caught my ears, while the rest sound quite generic and akin to typical melodies I would hear in budget JRPGs.

Overall, the game was truly an enjoyable adventure to experience, and I even felt a little sad as I reached the end, bonding with the cast and the city. I'm looking forward to future titles and may check out 8!

[thatneilj]

Game of the Year 2023

Originally posted January 2024 without images.

Another year managed to fly by! In personal life I got another 9-5 for the first time in a few years. Nice to be able to know I can afford rent again, but definitely kept me away from playing as many of the games I would have liked. But hey! Got through another year without catching COVID so I must still be doing something right to stay safe and protected, right? Anyway, there were some HUGE games this year, but my favorites tended not to be those. In fact, I spent a lot of this year feeling like I was getting a bit too hung up on the negatives I saw in a lot of the games I played. Still found a lot to love in my top 5 though! So enjoy this weird list that is… not so purely video games this year.

Honorables

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End

In the last few years I’ve been putting stuff in here that aren’t video games, but this might be the first time I tossed some anime into my honorable mentions. Frieren takes the fantasy adventure premise and decides to tell the story of the world after the wizard and her party defeated the big bad evil guy. By having the long living elf be the central character it weaves a current journey with flashbacks of the heroic adventure to create a melancholy vibe with threads of comedy, intrigue, and hope. If you like fantasy and are looking for something other than boilerplate action/adventure you NEED to see watch this show.

Metroid Prime: Remastered

I’m sure there are some people out there who are shocked to see Metroid Prime: Remastered in my honorables instead of the top of the list. Yes Metroid Prime is one of my favorite (if not THE favorite) games of all time. After replaying it with this remaster that remains true. The reason it only made it into the honorable mentions is because I this remake is overall a worse product than the original Gamecube version. Yes the graphics are sharper and the textures have more detail, but some aspects of the game are actually much worse – Thermal Visor for example gets fuzzy and seems like it tanks the framerate in ways that make it much harder to use than in the original. This game is still amazing, even on Switch, but if you can play the original (and can get over the control scheme of the original) it is the better experience.

Hi-Fi Rush

Hi-Fi Rush managed to marry the rhythm game experience to a 3rd-person action game more cleanly than I ever would have expected. It makes sense that the genres would fit together, so many of these games use pauses in button presses to modify combos and such. This game brings all that to the very front and center by making the entire world pulse with the music to help you find that pace of play. I am sure the writing and tone could get on some people’s nerves – hell, in another game it would probably get on mine – but the comic book aesthetic and comedic tone grew on me as the game went. The only thing that kept this off the top 5 was that the highs of some other games excited me more than anything in this game, even though the quality was consistently better in this one.

5. Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty

Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty is Team Ninja’s incredibly cool first shot at stripping a lot of the soulsborne influence they had for Nioh in favor of some much more unique systems. Frankly I loved pretty much every system they came up with. The morale system creating a strength progression within each level rewarded exploration and meant that replaying levels didn’t become trivial slogs. The spirit system replacing stamina as a resource to reward good play and letting you use your special abilities instead of punishing you attacking too many times before blocking is great.

On top of how cool those systems are, the game also has what is probably my favorite boss fight of the whole year in it. The first Lu Bu fight about half way through the game is INCREDIBLE. The way he dances between his two phases to mix up your parry timing on his critical attacks feels just right, the way the magic weaknesses work really letting you feel the difference in how to push him to swap phases more quickly. And he isn’t the only great boss in the game either!

The only real problem with the game is that it feels like it needs ONE more system in there somewhere. Bringing back the stances from Nioh, or requiring different options than just parry for some of the critical attacks the way Sekiro went about it. I’m sure there are other options too, but that one little missing spice really does end up feeling lacking by the time you’re thinking about playing New Game+.

4. Street Fighter 6

Considering I’ve spent the last 18+ months avoiding playing many fighting games I am surprised to find this was one of my most played games this year. When I started wracking my brain about how that could be I realized it’s because Capcom put in that giant World Tour single player campaign. Say what you will about it being cheezy and wildly awkward to control on a fight stick, but the fact is it worked. It’s a single player campaign that has pieces in there to help teach new players about low attack and anti-airs, it brings more character to many of the playable fighters, and it does something unique in the fighting game space for single player.

Of course, that isn’t really why I come to fighting games, but considering how incredibly lacking Street Fighter V was at launch – particularly in the single player content – this game delivered. All that says nothing about the actual core competitive game behind it all with the new drive system causing a major change in how Street Fighter has historically worked. The drive gauge is EVERYTHING in this game giving you access to a bunch of defensive and offensive tools including all your powered up special moves without needing to build up the super gauge. Running out of this new resource is also how you can be stunned, locked into scarier pressure from you opponents and more.

While I didn’t spend as much time grinding ranked matches and playing against my friends this year, everything about Street Fighter 6 feels thought out. Now I just need to find the time to commit to it more! Luckily I know it will be getting a lot of support for years to come, and I look forward to finding my own drive for it again sometime in the future.

3. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

We all know nostalgia goes a pretty long way for me and this year Bomb Rush Cyberfunk is that pick. It manages to be a true throwback, taking all the attitude and core gameplay of Jet Set Radio, and creates a true modern successor to it. They even tossed a tiny bit of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater into the mix with their silly combo system for building a boost gauge and finding ways to make you engage with it during the turf war battles as you progress through the story.

Now I am not going to gush about how nice it is that you can always access all your sprays instead of just picking 3 before a mission, how the modern camera controls improve navigation, or how getting to pick a character doesn’t lock you out of the transport style you prefer just feels good. Instead I’m just going to gush about the soundtrack. IT IS COOL AS HELL!!! Even ignoring the fact that they got Hideki Naganuma to make a few tracks for it, this game has some BANGERS. Just to torture myself a little extra I made myself pick a top 3 off the soundtrack (in no particular order); I Wanna Kno – 2 Mello, Condensed Milk – CYBERMILK, Big City Life – Kidkanevil.

2. Super Mario Bros. Wonder

Unapologetic joy seems to have been boiled down into a goop, and painted onto Super Mario Bros. Wonder. It’s not exactly surprising to see the vibrant colors and bright musical jaunts, but the choir of piranha flowers hitting in the second level feels like a big step beyond the goofy image of a mustached frog in a hat. The thing that made this all so surprising for me isn’t that Nintendo got wild, but that the gimmicks throughout the game never felt like the mostly cheap tricks my last foray into a Mario game did.

I cannot sit here and say every single level managed to find some unique hook with the wonder flowers, in fact they do end up repeating a lot of the effects. However, every time I found one in a level I got excited to see what they would do. Sometimes it would be a change to how to play the game, like with sudden isometric segments. Sometimes it would just be causing the world to suddenly come alive to change the platforming challenge but not my fundamental approach. And as fun as all of those effects always were, some of the biggest highlights are the badge challenge levels that often felt like a ROM hack with official polish.

Anyway, I can gush about this game being my favorite Mario experience since the N64, but the real sign of how much I liked this game comes from something else. This is one of the only 2 games all year that I spent the time getting 100% completion, and would have happily played another 2-3 worlds full of levels.

1. Armored Core 6: Fires of Rubicon

It must have been 2017 when I said to myself, “Neil, we got to try and understand what people like so much about mech stuff.” Sure I had had fun with Pacific Rim so long ago, bounced so hard off Macross and Evengelion so long ago I just needed to try again. After six years, two and a half campaigns of the Lancer TTRPG, and a handful of mech anime both good and bad I had finally developed an appreciation at the very least. Suddenly the Armored Core 6 marketing was working on me. “But wait,” I thought to myself, “Didn’t we play a little bit of like the second one of those games at a birthday party when we were like 13 and think it sucked?”  I probably did, but back then I was a very different person, and FromSoftware was making very different games.

The game asks you to operate at almost the exact same pace as Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, even bringing in a kind of posture system, to deliver an otherwise completely unique experience. The campaign is progressed through levels that can range from expansive explorations to single encounter arenas and everything in between. And of course we can’t forget how awesome some of the set pieces and bosses throughout the game are. That first time I attacked the giant walker in chapter 1 was incredible!

The plot is delivered mostly through radio-play like conversations between faceless characters, yet it manages to make many of those characters extremely memorable. Some for showing up in many missions like Rusty, but others like Pater for small things like an impression of one of his superiors. And we can’t forget how well the theming of the game plays perfectly in the same genre space as so much other mecha media. Your chance acquisition of the moniker “Raven” and the baggage it carries about being a force of freedom and choice, all while you’ve been given no choice coming to this planet in a war machine. Even once you can start making choices every one you make, no matter how far it takes you, can never separate you from your mech or its role as a weapon. Somehow all of that isn’t why Fires of Rubicon reached my top spot this year. It was for two specific reasons.

First is how the customization works; it encourages experimentation without a cost to discourage it. I know people love to talk about how many different ways you can build a character in the souls games, but I always found swapping to a new weapon meant taking not just a hit in my personal familiarity with how my approach works, but also tends to make everything harder simply because whatever new weapon I’m experimenting with needs to be invested in to level up or it won’t be effect enough for where I’m at in the game anymore. Those upgrade materials are limited! AC6 just says that the pieces are what they are, mix and match to your hearts content and see what you think feels fun! The amount of difference you can feel in how your vehicle moves, its effective ranges for attack, and structure of combat is incredible. While every level has taken precautions to make sure any mech you build should be able to get from start to finish, the range of your mech’s abilities allow for vastly different and fun experiences getting through them.

Second is because after I beat the game – three times for all the endings – I went back to it I went back to replay a bunch of missions because there were some weapons I hadn’t earned enough money for to have everything possible unlocked. Once I completed that I went back again, just to make more mechs. Rough facsimiles of the mechs my friends and I had built in our tabletop games, and then modified further still to keep the flavors but fit the builds better into the way AC6 plays. Then, for the first time in any FromSoftware game, I took the plunge into the online PvP systems. All of these games have some kind of multiplayer aspect, but I almost never engage with them at all. Entire questlines about invading enemies in Elden Ring went entirely ignored by me because that just isn’t what I come to these games for. But here I made some mechs specifically to mess around with finding ways to land the Chainsaw in 3v3, or a quick flamethrower build to dance around an opponent while making it so hard for them to see the laser drones shredding their health bars away.

Fire of Rubicon got its hooks in me so badly I have seriously debated figuring out how to revisit older Armored Core games. I was so into this game I convinced myself to sit through a pretty fucking bad anime this fall season simply because mechs were a part of it. This game is number 1 this year by a landslide.

[fyler46]

What Are the Most Exciting Features of the Latest iPhone?

The new iPhone has many exciting features. Apple continues to improve its products each year. People love the sleek design and strong performance. The latest iPhone introduces even more advanced features. These include a better camera, faster processor, and longer battery life. Many users have shared their experiences. They say the phone feels faster, smoother, and takes clearer photos. Let’s take a closer look at what makes the new iPhone stand out.

Improved Camera System

The camera on the new iPhone is amazing. It takes professional-quality photos. Many users say it's like carrying a DSLR in your pocket. The night mode is a favorite among people who enjoy low-light photography. Even in very dim lighting, the phone captures clear, bright images. The zoom feature has also been upgraded. You can zoom in on far objects and still see lots of detail. Many users are excited about the improved video recording features. With 4K recording, your videos look sharp and smooth. This is great for anyone who enjoys vlogging or creating content.

Faster Performance with New Processor

The new iPhone has a much faster processor. It makes everything run more smoothly. Apps open quickly, and games run without lag. The new chip allows for better multitasking. Users have shared that they can switch between apps effortlessly. The faster processor also helps with editing videos and photos. Some professionals even use their iPhones for quick edits on the go. If you enjoy gaming, you’ll notice a big improvement in performance. The graphics are more detailed, and games load faster than ever.

Longer Battery Life

One feature many users appreciate is the longer battery life. With each new model, Apple works on improving the battery. The latest iPhone lasts even longer, allowing you to use it throughout the day without charging. People who travel or work long hours say this feature is a game-changer. You can stream, browse, and use GPS without worrying about finding a charger. Some users even report that their battery lasts into the second day with moderate use. This makes the new iPhone ideal for busy lifestyles.

Sleek, Modern Design

The design of the new iPhone is another talking point. It’s slim, stylish, and feels great in hand. Many users say they love the feel of the phone. It’s light, but still feels durable. The new color options also appeal to users. Some people love the glossy finish, while others prefer a matte texture. Apple continues to keep its design minimal and elegant. This focus on design has always been a part of Apple’s brand. Users appreciate that the new iPhone not only performs well but looks good too.

Advanced Face ID and Security Features

Apple continues to focus on user security. The Face ID on the latest iPhone is faster and more accurate. Many users say it’s now easier to unlock their phone. Even in low light, Face ID works without a hitch. This adds to the convenience of using the phone. Apple also ensures your data stays safe with regular updates. This gives users peace of mind. The advanced security measures make the iPhone a trusted choice for those concerned about privacy.

In conclusion, the latest iPhone brings many new features that users love. From the improved camera to the faster performance, it has something for everyone. Whether you are a casual user or a professional, you’ll appreciate these updates. The longer battery life, sleek design, and enhanced security features make it a must-have for Apple fans.

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[oodlefurb]

If you want solid vpet games about cats, the P.F. Magic Petz games are probably your best bet. Unlike a lot of virtual pet games, the cats actually act like cats rather than exhibiting dog behavior (looking at you Kinectamals) and you aren't limited in how you can play with them (looking at you Nintendogs + Cats). Plus, there's a really nice community you can join that's been going strong since the games originally released, who will be more than happy to help you get the game set up and share cool mods and custom content.

If you aren't tied to cats and want something more modern, Wobbledogs is probably the best virtual pet game to come out in a long time and has such a fun genetics system. By default the dogs do die after a certain amount of in game time, but you can toggle this in the settings if you don't like that.

Based on what you've said you want those are my main two recs, but I'll toss out some others too just in case:

Nintendogs/Nintendogs+Cats are actually quite good if you like dogs, it's just the cats that underwhelming

Creatures is a retro one that never clicked with me personally, but I know a lot of people enjoy it, and it can be found legally for cheap on Steam.

Likewise Fin Fin on Teo is retro but still popular/fondly remembered. It's a bit harder to set up but if you search on Tumblr someones set up a VM specifically for running the game.

Catz and Dogz for the GBA are surprisingly quality, though they're more like life sims/visual novels then traditional vpet games so they may not be your cup of tea

Out of the DS Petz games, I'd say Hamsterz Life/Bunnyz, Hamsterz Life 2, and maybe the Catz Clan/Dogz Pack games are the best, though it has been a while though so I could be mixing them up lol

Tales of Djungarian Hamster on switch is pretty simple, but the graphics are super cute and it goes on sale for $5 fairly often

I'm cautiously optimistic about the upcoming Little Friends Puppy Island, though I wasn't super impressed with the first game so we shall see.

Anyways, hopefully that helps! I love vpet games and have played most of them, so if you have any questions about any of these games, or even ones I didn't mention, just let me know and I'll try to help

Hello Tumblr. You can call me PT.

I am seeking game recommendations-- I want pet sims specifically.

The games Wolf has already suggested--

Nintendogs + Cats

A specific DS Petz game

Petz...4? 5? The abandonware one that has a entire community

(My friend B suggested Slime Rancher too but that is more farm sim adjacent)

I would prefer games that have cats and allow you to actually do things with the pets. I am not interested in website pet sims, Tamagotchi, or games where pets will die/run away permanently.

Thank you. (:

[wh6res]

dreams come true | yuta

"soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks." — ny

[ part of the my bloody valentine collection ]

tw. gore, blood, murder, death, killings, mentions of illegal organ trafficking, violence, mentions of stalking, minor character deaths, weapons (a knife and a gun), almost (??) suggestive content but nothing happened

disc. this is rlly fucked up and yuta is unredeemable. i dont condone such acts. this is all a work of fiction and meant to entertain.

wc. 5k

every time you sleep, the void is sickening. it was all you could see, lightyears and lightyears away of pitch black that made your head dizzy and your stomach dry heave. you've always wondered when you'll start dreaming about your soulmate's memories. they were like little secrets, another way for two people to be intimate without even being together. their days were flashing before their soulmate's eyes in the form of a dream. it's as if you spent the day with them!

you loved it, the whole concept of it. it sounded so wholesome and sweet and jesus fucking christ, you've always been such a hopeless romantic.

it was sweet until it turned sour. you loved it until you hated it. it was romantic until it turned downright terrifying.

you wake up covered in cold sweat, panting and gasping as if you've run a whole marathon.

moonlight seeps through your glass window, slightly left ajar for the midnight breeze to pass through – you walk up to it, pull it shut, and draw your thick curtains together. you exhaled, breath shaking as you tried to anchor yourself back to the ground.

with the only source of your light disappearing, darkness envelops you whole. for once, you craved the void. you want that void back if it meant never seeing something like that again – something straight out of your worst nightmare.

"119, what's your emergency?"

"uhm, i think… i think i just witnessed a massacre."

you reiterate everything you saw in the dream – the mahogany door, paint chipping off the drywalls. the doorknob was rusty, so were the hinges, and it made an ominous creak when pushed open. the light switches on, the first you see was a bunch of dirty ice coolers in what should've been the living room, it wasn't even the slightest bit organized. they were everywhere, and the floor looked grimy and disgusting, like there's a stain they can't seem to scrub off. only when your soulmate has stalked closer did you see the labels haphazardly taped on top of the ice coolers.

kidneys. livers. lungs. pancreas. intestines – you nearly vomited on the floor, trying to relay everything you saw to the operator on the other end of the call.

then came the gruesome parts.

their deaths.

they were five people in total. men clad in cheap t-shirts and pants, wearing all these similar leather jackets. some were well-built, ripped in the arms and thighs, but some were skinny, the jackets hanging on their small frames.

they never stood a chance against him.

your soulmate is agile, quick on his feet with outstanding eye-hand coordination. only equipped with a butcher's knife, but it was all he needed to take them down and send them knocking on inferno's gates. he was skilled, knowing when to pounce and where to slash his knife to maim but never to kill. by the time your soulmate was through with them, everything is bloody red. all the victims' eyes widened as they sputtered and choked on their blood – not dead, but dying...

because your soulmate wasn't done yet.

a killer should have a modus operandi, should they not? so he took out a desert eagle, stood before the bleeding bodies, and shot two bullets straight into their eyes. the finishing touch? carving a frown on their faces with his butcher's knife.

the operator only told you one thing after she's made you describe the place for them to track the crime scene down.

"double-check all your windows and doors."

because you couldn't be too sure, not when you have been granted a front seat to the sad face slayer's most recent endeavors.

the detective eyes you with a certain pity. maybe that's why you don't bother meeting his eyes. you sit still on a chair, camera blinking red behind him, the interrogation room is freezing even with the thick jacket you're wearing.

seven billion people in the world and you're soulmate's a ruthless serial killer who took it upon himself to purge the world of evildoers – he was playing god, no wonder the detective is looking at you like that.

"uhh…" he's awkward, fidgeting in his seat. "and you saw this all in a dream?"

"yes."

you've known him only minutes ago. mark lee was his name and he seems to be a subordinate of a higher, more experienced detective named kim doyoung. you don't know whether to feel offended or not for having a doe-eyed newbie taking care of the case, but you pushed it at the back of your mind, knowing his superior is watching on the other side of the two-way mirror.

"did you have, like, other past instances where you dreamt of him? of what he…" mark looked like he was going to throw up. "what he does to his other victims?"

you shook your head. no. "i've mostly just heard of him on the news. i don't think i have the stomach to find out in-depth what the killer does."

mark takes out a folder, features walking the fine white line between looking apologetic or wanting to say me too. "i'm, uhh, really sorry to hear that."

there's a sudden pregnant silence encapsulating the interrogation room. it felt like you were mourning for something, the chains of dread dragging your heart to the ground as it pounded against your ribcage. mark looked like he wanted to say something, but you swore his eyes darted towards the camera in the corner and decided otherwise.

"anyway…" he trails. flipping the folder open in one swift motion. "past sightings have given us the sad face slayer's name."

he slaps down a picture of a man, his hair raven and a permanent scowl etched on his face. the quality was shitty. it looked like it was a screenshot taken from zoomed-in cctv footage.

"nakamoto yuta, twenty-five, japanese, and has slipped one too many times past authorities that at this point, it's practically a talent."

and just like that, it made sense why you're here.

your lips pursed in contemplation, palms quaking as your fingers reach forward to inspect your soulmate's picture. "and… you want to use my soulmate connection –" you glowered. never had a sentence sounded so fucking cursed and utterly wrong. "– to catch him?"

mark can't look you in the eye. "yes. he's very elusive. his killings have been happening cross-country and, as you can see, have garnered national media attention. the police are hanging by a thread here. a month in his case and all we got is his MO, name, and that he has this weird god complex on him. if we can't catch him by the end of next month…" he shrugs. "the feds are going to interfere, sooner or later."

"so…" you trail, urging him to continue.

"so, we need as much information about him as we can get and your dreams about him will be able to provide that."

fucking great.

the much newer revelations of precisely who it was on the other end of the soulmate connection put a significant damper on your mood. you'd like to think your new little cop buddy who follows you around gives you the least bit sense of security, but alas, it doesn't. not when you've seen first hand how yuta took down five men all at once without breaking a fucking sweat – you absolutely refuse to call him your soulmate, you'd never accept a person with his nature as a soulmate.

you try to hide the bracelet mark handed you last two weeks ago, during your time spent in the precinct's interrogation room.

"please have this on you at all times until we catch him, okay? this is for extra measures, just in case something happens to the cop assigned to guard you. just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?"

considering you're now probably being hunted alive for snitching on a serial killer? mark lee, that was not funny at all.

"do you have to get inside the lecture with me?" you whine, shielding your face with your hair when you notice people shooting glances at the rather handsome cop they assigned to you. "it's not like he'll attack in broad daylight! and in a fucking classroom, for that matter."

jaehyun looks just about ready to hurl you out the window. "lower down your voice," he scolds. "serial killers don't pick a time and place, sweetheart. he kills when necessary and if it's fucking necessary to murder everyone in that classroom to get to you? he'll do it in a fucking heartbeat."

you sigh when the chair next to you screeches against the floor, the aforementioned male taking his seat right next to you. jaehyun felt more like a babysitter than a cop, who seems to have a habit of constantly inputting his not-even-needed opinions on the most superficial things.

are witness protection protocols like this?

it was a good thing that overgrown bat doesn't come hanging around in your apartment, but he does have the police car parked right across the building's entrance. judging by how meticulous and thorough he seems to be, he won't miss any face that comes in and out of the building.

you didn't forget exactly why you're under witness protection. for the cops to waste one good officer to follow you around, you needed to be valuable and being valuable meant sleeping through nightmare-induced dreams of what your soulmate does for a living. the scenes are so gruesome, so graphic and utterly gory, that you dart towards the bathroom first thing after waking up in cold sweat, draining all of dinner down the toilet bowl.

after dreaming of him in action a few times, you've now completely understood what detective lee had said regarding yuta's god complex. it was unsightly, yet there was a twisted sense of heroism to it. if there's one thing, he only gutted the bad guys – but that didn't make nakamoto yuta any less of a bad guy, himself.

i need to ask you a favor [sent 2:05am]

JJH: what? [received 2:10am]

often the nightmares were too much. too much that you thought of escaping its horrors by never getting a wink of sleep ever again – until you realized you're a witness and is probably the only chance for the seoul police department to catch that bastard.

buy me sleeping pills? [read 2:08am]

when you peep out of the window, you find an empty spot across the road where jaehyun usually parks the police car. twenty minutes later, you answer the knocking on your door. he used that little "code" he did for you to know it was him. jaehyun was glowering and muttering about how he wasn't some errand boy when he shoved the plastic bottle in your hand yet, you still thanked him nonetheless.

the pills worked like a charm. you managed to stay asleep throughout the whole night, ceasing those episodes of yours where you jolt awake in the middle of dreaming about the sad face slayer's memories.

life continued for you. it became a little bearable, but that didn't mean the horrific murders you see in your dreams are something you can get used to – you don't think you'll ever get used to the sight of him slashing his victims, the blood trickling like a goddamned waterfall.

today the dreams were different. anticlimactic, per se, if you compare it to the violence so utterly present in his memories.

the first you see were black gates, then it shifted to him ordering coffee in a café (amazing what a simple black mask can hide). it switched to him walking on a sidewalk, then he arrives at his destination, an apartment building – it wasn't too rundown, nor was it extravagant.

the serial killer takes the elevator and walks up to a mahogany door –

your room number is a blaring sight.

you couldn't be wrong, not when the 506 with the missing zero in the middle was a sight you saw every day, going and coming home from university.

that was your front door.

he was at your front door.

you jolt awake, ignoring the icky feel of sweat making your clothes cling onto your skin. ice creeps up your spine and freezes you over when you notice with a sinking realization.

those black gates are from the university you attended. that café is your favorite study nook. and that sidewalk is a route you take every day.

you clamp your hands on your mouth as tears roll down your cheeks in rivulets. you pull the comforters up above your head, fear gripping onto you with a vice-like grip as you sob.

it was in the dead of night, moonlight grazing the confines of your room and hours away from dusk. you finally utter those three words in a frightened whisper.

"he's stalking me."

as if having the overgrown bat jaehyun following and annoying you around wasn't enough, you now have another person keeping watch over you. mark lee, unlike jaehyun, may not be as ripped with muscle, but you heard from your cop buddy that the young detective has a few black belts under him. people at the precinct said that if they have to choose one person who can ever come close to the sad face slayer's agility, mark lee's your guy.

"you gotta be shitting me," you mutter, leaning close to jaehyun to whisper like high school girls talking about gossip. "he doesn't look the type!"

jaehyun, in turn, plays along and copies you. "yeah, true. he gets that a lot, i think,"

"guys, i'm literally in the back seat. i can hear everything."

the change hadn't been too drastic. at least mark was there when jaehyun proved to be difficult, pulling him towards the other way when the older male tried waltzing into your class again. "you don't need to sit next to her in her class! are you serious? there's one exit and entrance and we're on the fifth floor. breaking into that classroom will be the end of nakamoto's serial killer career!"

you shoot mark an appreciative smile, one he quickly returned before hauling jaehyun around the hallway. "we'll just be at the canteen, okay? press the 'lil button on your bracelet and we'll be right there!"

shaking your head with a slight smile on your face, you entered the classroom, sat in your usual spot, and did some of your readings from our other class to kill time. you hardly hear the screech of the chair next to you as it was pulled back. not like you cared much for whoever sat down next to you, but you can't deny there's that feeling of missing jaehyun when he used to force his way into the lecture.

"settle down! settle down, people!"

the professor enters and the class begins.

you were meticulous with your note-taking system. it's thorough, leaving no room for information to slip you. having already printed hard copies of the powerpoint presentation and simply jotting down some extra key points mentioned by your professor.

you were just about to raise your hand for a question when you feel something warm graze past your arm. you absentmindedly look down.

the breath is sucked right out of your lungs.

hi, soulmate

there, scribbled with an ominous red crayon on a small piece of paper. it was almost laughable how innocent it looked but when you follow the ring-clad hand, up the black hoodie he's wearing, and finally to his face—

"hi! i'm yuta."

his cheshire smile spikes up your heartbeat. it makes you want to throw up, makes you want to slam your head against the desk. the fight or flight hormone you have is making you restless, eyes pinned on the serial killer sitting next to you, scared that if you avert your gaze, he's going to take out that desert eagle and shoot you until your skull caves in and the bullets in his magazine empties.

"but judging by your reaction, i don't think introductions are needed, hm?" his tone is easy, conversational even and it shoots a freezing jolt of fear right up your spine. it makes you sweat profusely because you don't fucking know what to do, your thoughts in complete and utter disarray.

"just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?" you swallow, sneakily pressing the button without breaking eye contact with the serial killer sitting in front of you.

"look upfront. now." yuta orders and you nearly snap your neck as you turn your head with lightning speed.

"i thought i was above the soulmate rules, but here we are. my soul is either too tainted or too great to be tied to such trivial things, but oh well, we learn to work with what we have. surprisingly, i learned to like dreaming about how your day went."

you feel something sharp poking at your thigh and when you look down, he has a silver butterfly knife pointed against you. the precision of the angle he held it with doesn't slip your notice. one slice of that knife, no matter how small, and he'll be spilling your guts in this classroom.

a fat tear rolls down your face.

"can you imagine how much my heart broke when i learned you were spying on me? leaking information to that snobby detective? to those incompetent cops? bad baby, that was very bad of you."

"yuta—"

"you think the cops can save you from me?"

his other hand comes in contact with the nape of your neck, holding your head in place as he leaned down to invade your space. he scoffs, and you can picture that terrifying cheshire grin you've seen one too many times in your dreams.

the knife digs through your coat, the tip hardly poking your skin only because he doesn't want to drive it into you yet. how did he even manage to get inside the university? not to mention the weapons he possessed? shouldn't anyone be suspicious when they see a man dressed in all black, clad in jeans and a hoodie, into a university—

he even dressed the part. with that hood drawn up and carrying that one notebook, he looked fairly normal. someone who can easily blend in with the crowd.

you eye your professor, willing him to look at you but your soulmate is having none of that. you squirm when he drives the knife further, at the base of your stomach. with his other hand, he twirls a lock of hair around his finger. "now, now, soulmate. you don't want half the people here to get hurt, do you? unless... that can easily be arranged—"

"no!" you whisper, head jerking to the side to look at him humming in satisfaction. damn. out of all the faces he's seen contorted with fear, yours is his absolute favorite. with those pleading, glassy eyes and parted lips, yuta is tenting in his sweats.

"thought so," he chuckles. "let's get up. we're leaving. that old crook doesn't care if students just up and went in the middle of his lecture."

you don't want to think about how he even knew that because it implied attending the lectures a good amount of times. it's with sinking realization that jaehyun was right. if it weren't for him insisting to sit next to you, nakamoto yuta would've long gotten you in his claws.

you tried gathering your things until he purred into your ear.

"ah, ah, ah. you wouldn't be needing those with where we're going."

the hallways were empty, not that you had much time to scream for help when he had a knife pointed up your back, shoving you into the fire escape stairs. within the tranquil confines of the staircases, the sad face slayer couldn't fucking care less for your personal space.

he disgusts you greatly, he needn't do anything but stand there in front of you but you can already smell the long blood trail from his path. it reeks of rotting flesh and that infuriating god complex he had left a sour aftertaste.

"you know, i genuinely wanted to get to know you," yuta pouts, shaking the hoodie off his head. his hair raven, it's ends kissing the nape of his neck. he looked like he came right out of a shounen manga but the bloodlust in his eyes is something that can never be masked. "i detested the soulmate connection at first, i thought i should just kill you off because you could be my loose end."

his humorless smile is enough to give you nightmares.

"but seeing how sweetly normal and untainted you are made me hold back," the butterfly knife appears before your line of sight, yuta teasingly dragging the tip right down your cheek to trace your tears. "so, why did you snitch, baby?"

you shiver when he noses the side of your neck, inhaling your scent as his other hand hooks underneath your top, freezing fingers making you jolt. when you don't reply, his patience starts to dwindle. then again, he was never a patient man.

"answer me, you bitch. why did you rat me out?" gone is the playful lilt in his voice. the vibrations surge through you as his deep, demanding voice scares you shitless.

you feel, hear, and smell him everywhere. this wasn't like any nightmare. this is real, and you won't magically wake up on your bed, sighing in relief, knowing he isn't there, that it was all just in your head. no, this was very much real and there's absolutely no escape.

"i didn't," your voice cracks. "i didn't mean to—"

"bullshit!" he yells. you wail in pain when he slams you against the wall, head aching as it came in contact with concrete. "because of you betraying me, i nearly fucking got caught, and i never get caught!"

you were full out sobbing at this point, noisy and unsightly as the snot mixes with your tears. your only hope now is he gives you a quick, painless death and that he doesn't carve and mutilate your face like what he always does to his other poor victims. "i'm sorry! please... i'm so sorry. i was scared—"

he coos mockingly, tilting his head to the side as he inched his face closer. "aw, scared? my sweet little soulmate was scared?" he places the blade flat against your neck. as humiliating and degrading as it was, you almost peed on your clothes. "how about now? i'm sure as hell that you're fucking terrified for your useless life right now."

you cringe when his hand abandons the expanse of your stomach, no longer inching higher, finding its purchase on the hair sitting at the crown of your head. he holds you in place like that, forcing your head parallel against the wall, with his whole body pressing up to you that it's nearly suffocating.

"just one quick little slice," he taunts. you hiccuped when you feel the feathery light scrape of the blade moving against your skin. "you won't even have time to scream… but i'm sure we don't want that, do we?"

you forgot how to speak. forgot how to breathe. whenever your mind wanders, you've always thought about how you'll give this killer a piece of your mind, with the amount of fear and sorrow he inflicts upon other people. but you guess realities were a lot more different than expectations. the yuta you dreamed of meeting is in handcuffs, but fate is a fickle little thing.

"do we?" he repeats, slicing ever so slightly at your skin. enough to draw blood in droplets, never a waterfall.

"n – no."

he smiles. "you can make it up to me. do you want to make it up to me?"

the butterfly knife digs even further. a warning. and if you value your useless life, you should be smart enough to know what to answer. drawing a shaky breath, you tried forcing the ends of your lips up to a smile. "of course, yuta."

your voice breaks as your sobbing grips your body whole. the fear consuming your entire being like a parasite consuming the host. you would've shut down altogether if it weren't for the calloused hands gently gripping your face. "i know, i know. i see how regretful you are, baby. don't worry, i won't hurt you. you'll make it up to me."

anyone would be fucking stupid if you believe those words coming from a serial killer.

in your wrecked state, you barely register that he's pushing you down to your knees. skin coming in contact with the freezing linoleum floor as you refuse to look at what his hands are doing. yuta has pocketed his knife. the sound of a belt unbuckling in itself added insult to injury.

you stare blankly at his shoes as he shoves his bottoms down enough for his cock to show. if you squint hard enough, you'll see tiny splatters of blood in the shoelaces. whether or not he feels you're unresponsive, he doesn't show. maybe he doesn't care entirely. he takes one of your hands and used it to wrap around himself. he gasps, sharp, followed by a hiss.

you feel it throbbing and it strengthens the disgust you feel. no way you're going to give him the satisfaction of eye contact when you're already forced to blow this psycho.

"eyes up."

you sniffled, vulnerability present in the tone you speak. "i don't want to. please, don't make me."

if words alone aren't enough for you to follow orders, maybe you'll feel more motivated if held at gunpoint. it's unmistakable, the infamous desert eagle you've only seen in your nightmares. the last thing you ever expected is to be on the side where the bullet comes out.

the barrel is freezing as he digs it into the crown of your head. "soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks."

your eyes looked up then. glaring as the tears rolled down your face. "you're a monster," you mutter under your breath. where you got the confidence to fight back is unknown.

"i've heard that before, be more creative next time," he holds your hair tight in one grip, shoving you forward, eye-level to his throbbing dick. "now… suck, baby."

"freeze!"

you knew that voice, you've been hearing it for the last two weeks. "jaehyun–!"

yuta cuts you off, shoving the gun into your mouth. the safety clicking off resonating in the tranquil room. it's deafening, and it makes you immobile.

"hands up. step away from the civilian." whether or not mark is nervous as he points the gun at the serial killer, he's doing a damn good job of hiding it.

yuta sighs, exasperated as he throws his head back. his raised arms came down to tuck himself back in his jeans, and the action made jaehyun's calm exterior crack. "i said, hands up, asshole!"

"chill out, motherfucker. i'm just trying to wear my pants." the serial killer hisses, glaring at jaehyun over his shoulder.

"mark, call back up already. what are you doing?" jaehyun mutters, side-eyeing the young detective whose gun shakes as he holds it up. the taller cop takes a step forward, eyes never leaving the notorious killer as he addresses you curtly. "(name), come here."

just as you plant your palms to the ground to push yourself up, one of yuta's hands shoves you down quick as lightning. "no. she stays here, with me."

jaehyun scowls, takes another step forward. "and what makes you think i'm going to let that happen?"

"i don't think. i know."

there's a constant ring in your ear as the gunshot temporarily renders you deaf. you've shut your eyes in utter fright, hands shooting up to cover your ears but it was too late. you refuse to open your eyes, you didn't want to see a dead body lying before you, even if it belonged to a heartless serial killer.

but when your eyes fluttered open, it's not yuta bleeding out on the ground.

"no, this can't be – jaehyun!"

it was a bullet straight to the head, no one could've survived a shot like that. his eyes are empty as he stares at you, unblinking, stoic. the color is yet to drown away from his milky complexion. but you can't even manipulate yourself into thinking that jaehyun's still alive. not when his eyes are empty, not when he just looks so lifeless.

it couldn't have been yuta who pulled the trigger.

his weapons were on the ground and the shot rang too fast. the sad face slayer couldn't have crouched down for his gun to shoot the cop, it would've taken too much time. and among the three men, there's only another person holding a weapon, and that was –

"great shot, mark."

the detective smiles, but with the blood splattered on his face, it looked cold. "told ya i've been practicing."

yuta hauls you up by the arms, addicted to how frail your body feels as it collapses against him. he's finally got his little soulmate in his arms. and he will never, ever let you go.

the cops lost – you've lost.

yuta, with a sense of victory coursing through his veins, took the liberty of trailing little pecks down your neck as he mutters, "mine, mine, mine!" but you couldn't care less about his display of mocked affection. not when the other person meant to protect you, turned out to be everything you think he wasn't.

mark must've felt the gravity of your stare as he crouches before jaehyun's bleeding body. grabbing the fallen cop's gun, he took it upon himself to empty the magazine. the lopsided grin he sends you broke your resolve more than yuta ever could.

"i'm sorry. it's nothing personal."

jenoluck (c) all rights reserved

[winterscaptain]

advocate.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: the very first part of ajf! the beginning of our story! oh my goodness! this got a little long, but there was a lot i wanted to pack in here. thank you all for your patience as i worked through this <3 i’ve got some fun graphics in here for you - open them for best quality!

words: 8.45k warnings: language, alcohol use, canon-typical descriptions of injury and violence, mention of suicide

summary: “our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.” - oscar wilde. au!july-september 2007

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

“Director Shepard?” 

You approach her, feeling very young, with a question and a smile. 

She turns, smiling at you softly. “Yes?”

Her lecture was immaculate - she covered a broad swath of topics - being the first female director of NCIS, her history in international relations and liaison work with British and Israeli intelligence - all of which paved a bit of a roadmap for success in federal law enforcement. 

You introduce yourself and shake her hand. “I’ve gotta tell you it was a challenge to choose between agencies in my applications, I admire your work both as an agent and director of NCIS and I was wondering…” 

You lose your nerve a bit, but steel yourself again and ask. 

“... Would you be willing to meet with me and talk about your career trajectory a little more?”

There’s a light in her eyes as she studies you with a kind of supreme benevolence and gentleness. “I would.” 

+++

“Alright,” she says, setting her napkin in her lap. “What do you want to know?” 

You laugh a little, “Is everything a good place to start?”

She laughs, and you’re immediately drawn to her warmth. There’s a kind of fire in her, and it doesn’t just come from her hair. “Not at all. Though I’ll give you some unsolicited advice now, to save some time. Find someone you can follow, someone you can learn from.”

She goes on to tell you about her mentor, still on the Major Case Response Team under her purview at NCIS. Though she’s his boss now, she tells you that she still goes to him for advice, for friendship. 

“Trusting the people you work with always comes first. It’s not always possible, but when you can manage it. It makes everything better. Always protect them where you can, and don’t ignore the politics”

You do everything except take notes as she tells more stories, how she’s switched from “probie” to Agent to diplomat to Director, before she turns back to you. 

“Do you know which unit you’re interested in, yet?” 

You shake your head. “Not yet. I’m hoping I’ll have a better idea when the Quantico unit chiefs start coming in to lecture. I’m hoping one of them will catch my interest.”

“Great idea. When one of them does, give me a call. I think any unit could benefit from someone like you.”

+++

Agents Hotchner, Morgan, and Gideon have your attention the moment they step into the room. They’re confident, with a sharp kind of intelligence you admire. 

The world of the BAU is fascinating. Serial killers, sex criminals, the very worst of depraved humanity is their everyday. While it sounds somewhat horrifying, it compels you. 

Agent Hotchner especially catches your attention. He’s confident in a kind of serious, bladed way. Clearly intelligent, he commands the attention of everyone in the room and effortlessly wields his authority among curious students and his fellow agents. 

You’d think Agent Gideon would be the obvious leader, what with all his years of experience and seniority, but even with his grasp of a field he shaped, he doesn’t hold a candle to Hotchner. 

With your half-hour-old knowledge, you put together a quick profile of the remaining figure. 

Agent Morgan, while strong and clearly an alpha male, brings a skepticism with him. It hangs in the air around him and seems to apply to both of his colleagues. There’s something about Agent Gideon that makes him uneasy, distrustful. He tends to shift his weight away from him when they get too close to each other. 

He’s not overt about his skepticism regarding Agent Hotchner, but you get the idea there’s more under the surface you couldn’t possibly know just by studying his behavior in a lecture hall. 

This is fun. 

You hide your smile in your notebook, jotting down a couple of notes as Agent Gideon continues his “brief overview of profile-driven serial killer arrests.” 

+++. 

“Director Shepard’s office.”

“Hi Cynthia,” you greet her secretary. “Is Director Shepard in?”

She connects you, and you ask about the BAU. 

“Is Jason Gideon still the unit chief over there?” She asks. You can already hear her typing and you’re more than a little concerned about her tenacity in this moment. 

“No, ma’am, it’s Agent Hotchner, now.”

“Perfect.”

+++

+++

You’re called into SSA Radner’s office the following Monday to “discuss some changes to your academy courses.” 

That doesn’t sound good. 

SSA Radner, an imposing and intimidating woman, is the SSAIC in charge of your NAT class - the person in charge of your collective fates. 

No pressure. 

She opens the door when you knock, gesturing to the chair on the other side of her desk. “Please, have a seat.” 

You chuckle nervously. “Thanks, Agent Radner.” You note her little smile as she sits at her desk, and chance a question. “Have I done something, I dunno, wrong? We don’t seem to find much good news in the SAIC’s office at my rank.” 

That pulls a laugh from her. “I wouldn't worry too much. I have a proposition for you. It’s...unusual, but not unheard of.” 

Your brow crumples a little and she exhales. 

“It might actually be better if - yeah. Hold on.” She clicks her intercom and her assistant chirps from the other side. 

“Yes ma’am?”

“Please send them in. I’d like to do a joint briefing.” 

Joint briefing? What is this, the third invasion of Iraq?

The door opens behind you and you whip around, finding Agent Hotchner and IOS Section Chief Erin Strauss. 

What the fuck? 

Either you’ve done something terrible or insane and you’re not sure which. 

Chief Strauss addresses you first, shaking your hand. You introduce yourself for good measure but have a feeling she already knows who you are. 

“It’s come to our attention that you have ambitious interests and are taking exceptional steps to make the most of your education and training at the academy. Is this a fair assessment?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Agent Hotchner steps forward, sort of looming over you with something that isn’t quite a stern look. You take his hand when he offers, introducing yourself and ignoring the jolt of energy that shoots up your arm at his touch. 

His handshake is firm, his hands dry and warm. He looks different up close, younger, maybe. There’s the barest touch of grey at his temples, the beginnings of lines around his mouth and eyes. 

Not what I expected.

What did you expect? 

How old could he be? Thirty-five, maybe? 

Shut up. 

He’s handsome. 

Shut up!

His face relaxes a little bit before he speaks. “Director Shepard, a close professional colleague, has been a staunch advocate for you and your talents. She approached me about taking you on, giving you case hours in lieu of some coursework.” 

“You’d have some catching up to do, as it’s already three weeks into your twenty, and we’d transfer you into the profiling classes,” Agent Radner adds. “But with your diligence, I doubt you’ll have trouble with the added workload.” 

“No, ma’am. That should be fine. But,” you look between the three of them, “what does ‘case hours in lieu of some coursework’ mean, exactly?” 

“You’d be on assignment with the BAU until you received your formal assignment following successful completion of the academy, with the possibility of assignment with the BAU as a full-fledged agent.” Chief Strauss rattles off the information as if it’s the thousandth time she’s said it. 

It might be. 

You can’t even fathom how much effort and time must have gone into this decision. The realization leaves you speechless. 

She prompts you again. “Does that sound like an opportunity in which you’d be interested?”

“Oh, yes, ma’am.” You feel a little stupid, but you’re rewarded with a proud smile from Agent Radner. 

You could also swear you saw a twitch of Agent Hotchner’s lips, but he doesn’t seem to be a man who smiles much. 

+++

“So this’ll be your desk,” Agent Jennifer-but-my-friends-call-me-JJ Jareau says, pointing to one of the many desks in the bullpen. 

You set your bag down with a little smile, feeling more than a little overwhelmed. 

Agent Morgan pats your shoulder as he passes your desk. “You’ll do just fine, kid. Ready for a case briefing in ten?” 

“Sure.”

His blinding smile eats up his whole face and you like him already. He’s different than you thought he’d be, but you still don’t think your preliminary profile was too far off.

Agent Gideon, still holed up in his office, has yet to acknowledge you. 

Your eyes keep wandering to the open blinds, behind which Agent Hotchner and a woman you understand to be his wife have a quiet, apparently heated argument on either side of his desk. Except for the tight set of her mouth and the angry glint in her eye, she seems lovely. 

Derek follows your gaze. “Wasn’t always like that.” 

You look at him, a little furrow in your brow. 

Should he be telling me this?

“She’s not always here either, but their son, Jack, has been sick, so it’s been… tense.” Derek shakes his head. “You wouldn’t catch me married in this job, not once.” 

That pulls a laugh from you. 

Emily, sitting at the desk beside you, turns in her chair. “Remind me to drink to that later.” 

Derek snorts and picks up a couple of files, headed up to the round table room. 

+++

Your first case briefing is, well...brief. The case seems fairly straightforward and you run through relevant vocabulary while JJ outlines the case details. 

Preferential offender, keeps his victims for no more than three days, victims found in public places. 

He wants them found, and fast. 

Need-based, maybe? What are his priors? 

You’re all dismissed with a brisk, “Wheels up in thirty.” 

You pack your things a little slower than probably called for. Hotch disappears into his office again, closing the door behind him. When you pass the window, his wife is tucked under his chin. 

Hotch’s eyes flicker to yours and you quickly train your gaze on the floor, hustling down the stairs. 

+++

You land next to each other when you board the plane. You do your best to avoid taking anyone's assigned seat. 

With a team of this size, you can only assume they have such things.

And they do. 

Gideon, Spencer, Morgan, and Prentiss take a seat at the table while JJ perches on the arm of the couch. 

Hotch settles at the informal “head” of the table, leaning on the chairs across the aisle. You take a seat in one of the chairs in the row next to him, trying to stay out of the way. 

“C’mere, kid,” Derek says, beckoning you forward. “You’re on this team.” 

You shuffle forward in your seat, leaning forward with your elbows on your knees and case file open in your hands. “I’m ready.” 

JJ smiles at you, and you almost feel comfortable. 

+++

You end up alone with Hotch in the precinct conference room after you land, unboxing files and sorting them for Spencer. Until you know enough to make yourself useful, you’ve made it your mission to handle the tedious and the clerical. 

Hotch pauses every once in a while as if he wants to say something. You continue on your way. When he’s ready, he’ll stop you. 

“I’m sorry about earlier. My wife, Haley, she -” 

You look up, waving him off with a little smile. “It’s okay, Hotch. It’s none of my business.” 

He looks at you for a minute, studying your face with a bit of a squint. “You mean that.” 

It’s not a question. 

You’re confused. 

“Of course.” A nervous laugh leaves you. “I mean, you’re welcome to tell me if you want, but it’s nothing I need to speculate or gossip about or, God forbid, profile.” 

The shock and relief war on his face until it settles back into something that looks like his usual severity, but a little softer. He doesn't say anything else, but you have the sneaking suspicion you passed a test neither one of you prepared for. 

Spencer and Emily return from their trip to the medical examiner’s office. 

“Who organized these?” Spencer asks, pointing at the neat piles you made. 

“Me.” You look up from another box you’re working on. “Would it be helpful if they’re sorted another way? I went chronologically and then by number and type of offenses, with preferential offenders that match the M.O. on top, when possible.” 

Emily, Hotch, and Spencer freeze, staring at you like you grew another head in front of them. 

You’re suddenly and violently self-conscious. “What?”

Spencer snaps out of it first, shaking his head and picking up a stack. “Nothing that’s just...um…”

“Exactly right,” Emily supplies. She glances at Hotch before looking back at you. “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

Hotch is the last to break, but the curious little glances he keeps throwing your way always linger a little too long. 

To your credit, you ignore them. 

+++

“So, how are you liking it so far?” Derek slides into the driver’s seat and rolls out of the parking lot. 

You’re headed to another witness’s house under direct orders to observe and as a few (carefully directed) questions. Derek insisted on bringing you himself while the others keep busy with something else. 

“I’m liking it,” you reply. 

He laughs. “Coulda fooled me.” 

You screw up your face and look over at him. “What do you mean?” 

“Well,” he says through a laugh, “when you’re not making yourself ridiculously useful, you look terrified.” 

“I am terrified.” 

“Nothin’ to be scared of as long as you keep asking questions,” he says. 

It’s almost like he doesn’t know how ridiculous he sounds. 

“You’re joking, right?” You turn to face him, shifting in your seat. “Agent Morgan -” 

He cuts you off. You’re pretty sure that’s just how he is - he interrupts the other members of the team frequently and fearlessly. “- Derek. Or Morgan.” 

“Fine. Morgan, you have to know that your team is legendary. I don’t even know why -”

“- Don’t say it.” He flags his hand before putting it back on the wheel. “You’re here for a reason, and none of us are going to let you fall so hard you can’t pick yourself up, okay?” He glances over, meeting your eyes. “We’ve got your back.” 

You quirk a smile. “Thanks.” 

“And,” he adds, “Hotch seems to like you alright. That’s half the battle.” 

“What’s the other half?” 

He snorts. “Gideon. And local law enforcement.” 

+++

You settle in a little easier after that. JJ’s your next target as you help her make some calls to the D.A.’s office. 

You hang up and take a breath, slumping back in your chair. It’s been a long day already and it’s not even lunchtime. 

“Hanging in there?” JJ asks, smiling at you over her files. 

You nod. “Yeah. Just a… different kind of energy than the academy, I think.” 

“I felt that way when I got here, too. Gideon was unit chief back then and Spence had just started, too.” She huffs a laugh. “It was a little easier when there were more newbies, but then…” Her face clouds over and she shakes her head. 

“Then...what?” 

She looks up at you and her mouth twists. “Boston.” 

+++

“Hey, Derek?” 

“Yeah?” He keeps his eyes on the road, but he can hear the trepidation in your voice. 

The dark interior of the car feels safe in the early hours of the morning, headed back to the hotel. “You said I could ask you anything, right?” 

His eyebrows pinch. “Shoot.”

“What happened in Boston?” 

Derek takes a breath and lets it out in a whoosh. “I wasn’t there. I was supposed to be there.” 

You wait on him, watching him watch the road. 

“Unsub holed himself up in a massive warehouse. Gideon called in all the support he could - A Team, B Team, SWAT, the whole nine. I was visiting my mom in Chicago for her birthday like I do every year.” 

He stops at a red light, and you take a moment to look past him into the adjacent SUV, where Emily and Hotch’s profiles rest in a statuesque silhouette, backlit by the streetlamp. 

“It was a trap from the start. Everyone pushed in on Gideon’s order and the whole thing just…” He tosses his hand up and it lands with a smack on the leather steering wheel. “It just went up. Boom. Six BAU agents in our unit, dead, just like that. Had to rebuild from scratch.” 

You shiver, though the car is warm. “I’m so sorry, Derek.” 

He shrugs. “Gideon took six months off, Hotch took over. Gideon came back, Hotch stayed up front.” He smiles a little. “Haley wasn’t happy, but that’s the job.” 

Why does it always come back to Haley? To Hotch? 

Because he’s the unit chief. 

I know but…

Don’t read into it. 

You decide to push, just because it’s Derek, because he seems to know, because you feel safe with him, because it might be a mistake. “Is that what you meant?”

“Hm?” His head turns just a little toward you, his brow furrowed. 

“You told me on my first day ‘It wasn’t always like this.’ Is that what you meant?”

“No sane man would take on the unit chief position with a wife and baby on the way.” He shrugs and with a secret little smile says, “But nobody ever accused Hotch of being sane.” 

+++

Aaron sits in front of his computer, the end of his pen tapping on the glossy wood of his desk. 

Does he have feedback? He’s not sure. 

Even with your limited knowledge, you’ve managed to optimize most of the administrative bullshit and political nonsense that clogs most local investigations. You bounce between acting as his shadow and JJ’s, making friends and soothing hurts when toes inevitably get stepped on. 

You’ve immediately adapted to his style of criticism and correction, using Derek and Spencer as guide-rails when you’re not sure where you’re going. 

There’s nothing to complain about. 

But then again…

Feedback isn’t just about the negative. 

If he’s honest with himself, he knows he won’t shower you in the glowing praise you deserve. Gideon never did for him or anyone that came after. 

It’s not in their nature, or his. 

He starts to type. 

Glancing out his office window, his eyes find you hunched over your desk, poring over one of Spencer’s notebooks, a pinch in your brow as deep as the Grand Canyon. 

You work hard, impossibly hard. You throw everything you have at your work in the field while managing your courses and keeping up with your classmates. 

That in mind, he drafts an email to Jenny. 

With a sigh, he sends it.

He’s still thinking of what you said on the last case, the genuine truth of it, and how many times he has done his best to preempt the gossip that plagues this office, no matter who it’s about. 

This unit, as much of a family as it may be, constantly wraps itself in the business of everyone else. To know you couldn’t give less of a shit about his marriage when the rest of the team (save Gideon) probably has money on when Haley calls it quits is, admittedly, refreshing. 

+++

After being in the field, classes take on a new kind of banality. You’re keeping up well enough, but watching Gideon and Derek quarrel over the details of a profile beats diving into the techniques - you guessed it - Gideon developed from cases past. 

Hotch and Garcia were gracious enough to CC you on emails while you were grounded at the academy, but it wasn’t the same. 

It was hard not to feel left behind, like the last kid chosen for dodgeball in PE class, watching the rest of the unit leave the office. You hung back in the bullpen as long as you could find something to do this morning, making it to class at the very last minute. 

Even after lectures, your classmates want nothing more than your attention. You’re suddenly consulting on three different practicals and never have a lunch to yourself.

Most afternoons, you sneak into the bullpen just for some peace and quiet. 

You hear your last name and look up, finding Erin Strauss approaching you. You stand. “Ma’am.”

“What are you working on?”

You look down at your desk, finding practical and theoretical exam notes shuffled around next to mock consults and other nonsense Hotch dropped on his way to the jet earlier in the week. “Course work, mostly. It’s nice to… get away every once in a while.”

Erin nods with a little smile. “I’d imagine you’ve been pretty popular lately.”

You shrug, a little facetious. “You could say that.”

She pays your shoulder in a surprisingly maternal gesture, before wishing you luck and leaving you to your work. 

At this point, you can’t even imagine just being an FBI agent. 

+++

You’ve just closed your burning, tired eyes when your phone rings. 

You answer, your last name a grumble into the mic. 

“It’s Hotch.”

You sit up straight in bed, immediately awake. “Sorry, sir, I -“

“I should apologize. I don’t mean to interrupt your studying or wake you but I think I could use your opinion on this profile.”

You frown in the dark, flipping your desk lamp on. “My help, sir?”

“Yeah.”  He heaves a sigh and you can almost see the fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been looking at it too long.”

“Maybe Derek, can -“

“No. You. Here, listen -“

He rattles off the details of the case and you snatch your notebook and pen off the desk, jotting things down as Hotch continues through the case. 

“Have you identified and contacted local individuals who fit the victimology, taken steps to protect them? He’s a preferential offender with a predictable cooling-off period, right?” 

For some reason, this isn’t half as exhausting as the practical exam practice you’d been working on for the last five hours. You may or may not have written those exact questions about fifteen times, but it’s far less exhausting when directed at Hotch. 

“Yeah. Two high-risk victims are in protective custody and JJ’s been in touch since this morning.”

You go through a few more basic questions, getting your feet under you, before asking the one you’re really after. 

“Sir, why did you call me?”

“I needed another set of eyes.”

You huff a laugh. “No, I gathered that, but why did you call me? I’m in the middle of learning about something you’ve been doing for…” You search for a number, but your brain is fried. 

“Too long,” he supplies. 

“Sure. But my point stands.”

“That it does.” Something creaks in the background and you imagine he’s leaned back in his chair. 

“Did I help?” You’re happy he can’t see your dubious, if not entirely doubtful, expression. 

He’s happy you can’t see the little fond smile on his face. “Yes, actually. You did.”

+++

“Wheels up in thirty.” 

You all stand from the table and start your routines. Emily and Spencer make a beeline for the coffee machine while JJ jets back to her office for contact sheets and files and all manner of coordinating materials. 

Derek’s routine is simple enough - he already has his coffee and his go bag, so he’s answering a few emails before wheels up. 

You never really know what to do during this liminal space, so you stick to classwork. 

Much to your surprise, you’ve shot ahead in your classes on the shoulders of Derek and Spencer. They’ve been monumentally helpful with the history and application of profiling techniques (though much of Derek’s advice has been ‘just watch Gideon,’ you’re not sure how to watch a process that takes place entirely inside the man’s head). 

You ride with Hotch to the airstrip, looking out the window most of the way. It’s only a five minute drive, but the tree-lined roads around Quantico are always lovely this time of the morning. 

As always, you do your best to stay out of the way on the plane, taking up residence on Hotch’s right with your notebook and case file. 

You offer some thoughts here and there, not pushing too much or saying enough to make an ass of yourself. 

When Hotch calls break, the rest of the team scatters to their respective corners. 

Gideon turns to you, gesturing with one finger. “Hey, ah…” 

Spencer chirps your last name from across the cabin and you shoot him a grateful smile. 

“Good job in the briefing, today.” 

And with that, he disappears to the far side of the cabin, leaving you and Hotch alone by the table. 

“Wow,” you say with a little smile. “I didn’t know he was aware of my existence.” 

Hotch doesn’t say anything, but his lips twitch. 

Success. 

+++

“Welcome back, kiddo!” Derek offers you fist and you bump your knuckles against his on your way back to your desk. “How’d those exams go?”

You huff, playing at defeat. “Oh, you know.” 

“Don’t worry about it. There’s always next time.” 

Hotch, returning from a meeting with Strauss, hardly looks up from the file in his hand when he says, “Well done on your exams. SSA Radner threatened to hang your marksmanship targets on her wall.” 

You hide a smile. “Thanks, Hotch.” 

“Not fair!” Spencer says, tossing another Tums in his mouth. “I never passed those.” 

“Then how on earth do you have that, Reid?” You point at his six-shooter, still clipped to his hip. 

“Wait wait wait,” JJ says, dropping her files and crossing her arms. “You haven’t heard that story?” 

Your eyes flicker from Derek, to JJ, to Spencer, and back. “...No.”

JJ settles in, regaling you with a wild tale of an L.D.S.K. - 

“You remember what that stands for, right?” Derek points at you and you have a feeling this is about to become some kind of pop quiz. 

“Yeah. Long Distance Serial Killer.” 

“Good. Famous unsubs include…?” 

You sit back in your chair with a little smirk on your face. “D.C. Snipers Muhammad and Malvo, active October 2002, seventeen victims total. Apprehended by agents from the FBI Baltimore field office -” 

Derek holds up a finger. “And?”

“- and the BAU and the Maryland State Police.” 

“Good.” 

JJ waits for Derek to nod at her and she continues what you imagine to be a rather embellished version of a story in which Hotch and Reid save the day.

“...And then Hotch just starts kicking the shit out of Spencer -” 

Hotch’s office door shuts and he sails down the stairs with one of those little secret smiles. “This one ends with Reid stealing my sidearm and shooting the unsub in the head.” He taps right between his eyebrows in the barest of pauses on his way out of the bullpen. “Dead center.” 

Derek and JJ groan, both whining about how he ruined the punchline before devolving into a fit of giggles. You can almost see the smirk on his face as he pushes through the glass door and turns the corner. 

You join in the mirth, ruffling Reid’s hair. He smiles widely at you. 

Maybe you could just get used to this place.   

+++

The second round of classes on top of added case hours (you’re traveling with the unit more often than not) nearly brings you to the brink. 

On the plane back to Quantico, you realize you can’t remember the last time you actually had a full night of sleep. 

The rest of the unit is out cold, curled into themselves or stretched out under blankets, save for Hotch and Gideon. 

Gideon’s writing in that wretched notebook again, entirely focused on his work under the weak reading light. 

Aaron sits beside you on the other side of the cabin, looking over a few files before returning home. You watch him check his watch, sigh, shrug, and pull out his phone. To your surprise, he doesn’t move to give himself space as he calls his wife. 

“Hey, honey, it’s me… Yeah, we’re on the plane. Should be back within the next hour and a half... “ 

He sighs and tightly closes his eyes. “Haley, please… Yes, I know Jack’s already asleep… Are you implying I didn’t do my damnedest to - Then what’s your point?...” 

His voice never once rises above a low murmur. It’s impressive.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can… No, I won’t pass ‘Go’ or collect two-hundred dollars or step foot into my office… Yes. Plane. Tarmac. Car. Home… Yeah… Love you too.” 

He snaps his phone shut and leans back, tipping his head against the headrest.  

You stay quiet, continuing your review of S.S.A. Bailey’s course on, ironically, conflict de-escalation. 

Hotch takes a talking breath and you look over at him, keeping a kind of soft understanding on your face - really, shooting for anything that isn’t curiosity. 

“I appreciate your…” He looks for a word. “Discretion.” 

You laugh a little down your nose. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s none of my business?”

“How many times do I have to imply that a phrase like that isn’t in the vocabulary of this team, usually?” He shifts a little, and you notice his thumb, running along his forefinger like he’s searching for bone. 

“Is it really that bad?”

Hotch raises his eyebrows, and you relent. 

“Fine.” You drop your voice. “Do you want to know what I’ve seen?”

He shrugs. “An outside perspective might be nice.” 

You keep your eyes on your book as you speak, keeping your volume low and your tone as neutral as you can. 

“I’ve seen how Emily worries about fitting in - I can’t help but relate. This team is a family and it’s… hard to break through that sort-of-wall to the outside world.” 

The prickly feeling of his eyes on you isn’t altogether unpleasant, but you still haven’t grown used to it. 

“Derek and Spencer are worried about Gideon and,” you glance at him briefly, “so are you. Everyone seems to want to know why, but I don't think that’s always useful.” 

Hotch hums once, maybe in agreement - you’re not too sure. 

You are sure, though, that this was a test. 

“How’d I do, Counselor?”

It’s never too early to invoke the J.D. hanging in a frame behind his desk. It was the first thing you noticed and suddenly, a lot more made sense. 

You’re rewarded with a small smile. “Not bad. Though you did forget to drop in the little bit about my marriage.” 

“I didn’t forget,” you assure him.

“No?” 

“No. I figure if you have something to say, you seem like the kind of person who’d just say it. At least,” you shrug, “that’s my impression.” 

He’s quiet for a minute before he squints and looks over your shoulder at your reading. His brown eyes track down the page before returning to yours. He’s close to you, but you’re not uncomfortable. 

Hotch is...safe. Somehow. 

“There’s a reason you’re the exception. Not sure what it is yet,” he says. “But there’s a reason.” 

“What?” 

He leans back, a cryptic little smile on his face, and says nothing else for the rest of the flight.

+++

“Hotch, are you sure it’s not a trick question?” 

“The questions aren’t designed to trick you,” comes a voice from the doorway. To your surprise, it’s Gideon. “They’re designed to stretch and reveal your instincts. No right answer.” 

The corners of his mouth turn down while his eyebrows rise in that kind of halfway-encouraging look he sometimes gets. “Just go with your gut.” 

He disappears and you turn back to Hotch, scribbling away in a file. 

“He’s right.” 

Your brain feels less and less bound to your body as the days pass. “Am I nuts, or is that the most words he’s strung together since I got here, combined?” 

What you now know to be a smile twitches at Hotch’s mouth. “You’re not nuts.” 

You sigh and turn your attention back to your mock exam, twiddling your pencil between your fingers. “I’m sorry to keep bugging you with homework - it feels like cheating.” 

He pulls his phone from his pocket. “Resourcefulness is not cheating. If it was, I’d have to go back and get my J.D. out of a Cracker Jack box.” 

You muffle a laugh.

He checks his watch. “I have a check-in with the budget office in five minutes. You’re welcome to stay right where you are, but it’ll be boring and I plan to do a lot of pacing.” 

You hold your hands up in surrender and settle in. 

Friday afternoons in the office feel a lot like Saturdays in the office - which is to say, nothing happens at all. The rest of the team is catching up on paperwork while Gideon walks laps with his little notebook. 

Not three minutes into his conversation, Hotch stands and begins to pace, as promised. 

"No, we can't cut the technology budget... Because if the BAU gets called to a remote region, we need to have immediate access to satellite phones and our technical analyst… Yes… Send the budget to the Director, and I'm certain it'll come back approved without changes… The arrest and prosecution rate of this unit is -” 

His desk phone rings and he gestures for you to pick it up. 

“Agent Hotchner’s office,” you say with more than a little trepidation. You’re definitely not qualified to answer the unit chief’s phone. 

“Goddamn it, Aaron why can’t you -” She pauses. “Wait. Sorry. Who is this?” 

You introduce yourself. “I’m currently on-assignment with the unit. It’s… unconventional.” 

“Hm. Why are you answering Aaron’s phone?” Her tone isn’t accusatory - it’s more curious than that. You’d imagine this doesn’t happen all that often. He’s either at his desk, or he’s not at his desk. 

She calls him Aaron. 

You’re not sure why that surprises you. They’re married, and he has a first name. 

Taking a look across the room, you watch Hotch’s profile as he continues to defend the budget he submitted. 

Aaron. 

You make an attempt to see the man behind the suit, the man who goes home to his wife and son when he can. 

“I’m using his office to study for my academy exams. I’ll see if I can reach Agent Hotchner for you. Just a second.”

She snorts something that could be a laugh if it wasn’t so sharp. “Thanks.” 

Hotch looks over and squints at you, mouthing, Who is it? 

You put her on hold and answer in a stage whisper. “It’s your wife.”

Hotch freezes for just a second - it almost looks like he’s rebooting. 

He blinks three times in rapid succession before he pulls the phone away from his mouth. “Tell her I’m in a meeting. I’ll call her back.” You move to reach for the phone but he holds up a finger and you freeze. “Wait two minutes.”

You follow instructions, taking the time to answer a few more mock exam questions. You try not to think too hard about his avoidance. This doesn’t seem like a particularly pressing phone call - Hotch is in budget meetings all the time. 

None of your business. 

After about a minute and a half, you pick up the phone again. 

Before you can say anything, she’s already back on her mini-rampage. About twenty seconds in, she pauses. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m still not talking to my husband, am I?”

De-escalate. Disarm. Establish rapport. 

You can do this. 

You channel Derek, using a softer tone designed to distract. Maybe you’ll sneak some humor in there, if you can manage it. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Hotchner, he’s not available.” 

With a defeated sigh, she asks, flatly, “Where is he?” 

Humor. Play off her disappointment. 

“I assume he’s in a meeting or something - he likes to think he’s very important - but I can’t find him.” 

To your surprise, she laughs a little. 

You check with Hotch across the room. He rolls his eyes at you but continues his bickering. 

Success. 

“Can you just… I don’t know… Tell him I called, or something?” 

You try not to think too hard about the defeat in her tone. “I promise I’ll badger him to call you back as soon as he’s back at his desk, ma’am.”

“Wow.” She sounds impressed, and you’re not sure why. You’re not left in suspense for long. She continues - 

“You’re a way better liar than JJ. Also - please don’t call me ma’am. Makes me feel old. Haley’s just fine.” 

“Of course.” 

“You know what…” She asks for your cell number and you give it to her, throwing a glance at Hotch for good measure. He’s still pacing. 

He presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose, but can’t say anything to you before he’s forced to respond to the poor budget clerk who drew the short straw. “No we can’t start sharing hotel rooms…”

Haley interrupts your momentary space-out. “Thanks, again. If he doesn’t have a chance to call me back, can you let him know I’m going to my sister’s for the weekend? With Jack?” 

“Sure.”

That’s another question I’m not going to ask. 

You hang up the phone and get back to your exam, trying not to feel comforted by the lull of familiarity in the room. 

+++

For some reason, you keep finding yourself alone in police precincts in the middle of nowhere with Hotch sitting across the table from you. 

“Hey,” he says. 

You look up. 

“Haley, she…” He heaves a sigh and trails off for a minute, frowning at a spot above your head. “I don’t know why I’m asking, what I’m asking.” 

You keep your eyes on him. “Shoot.” 

He takes another breath. “I don’t know how to make her happy anymore.” 

This is above my pay grade. 

“Everything I do seems to irritate her - trying, not trying, just surviving. I don’t know.” He shakes his head at your somewhat bewildered expression. “Sorry, I -” 

“No, no, Hotch. It’s fine.” You search for his eyes. “What can I do?” 

He shakes his head. “Any advice?” 

Any advice? Definitely above my pay grade. 

You also feel for him - he wouldn’t be asking if he wasn’t desperate. 

Besides that, it almost makes sense he’s asking you rather than anyone else on the team. They’ve all known him too long, have been too close to see his struggles clearly. They need to see him as an authority, separate from petty squabbles. 

Separate from the things that make him human. 

He needs to be a superhero for this team, and then go home and be a superhero for his family. Both parts of his life exist with a wall between them - Agent Hotchner can’t be a husband and a father in the field, and Mr. Haley Hotchner can’t be an agent at home. 

It must be lonely. 

Everyone else knows about and ignores that necessary separation. He trusts them as his colleagues, people he can rely on professionally, but perhaps not personally. 

Well, all except Emily. 

You get the feeling that he doesn’t completely trust Emily yet, but you’re not sure why. That’s another thing to figure out about the walking enigma sitting across from you. 

“Well… I’ve never been married, I don’t have kids, but I think…” You search for words. 

It’s none of my business, is what you want to say. 

Instead, you offer, “Why don’t you just ask her?” 

His brow crumples. “What?”

“Ask her. You don’t know how to, I dunno, do it right on your own, it sounds like. But you’re a team, right? Just ask her.” 

You duck down to your work, getting the feeling he’d rather not be observed as he processes. There’s a part of you that wonders whether his preference for privacy masks his fear. 

Another part of you already knows the answer. 

+++

Derek and Emily walk back into the precinct, spotting the pair of you right where they left you. 

Hotch still watches you with a soft, curious frown on his face, like there’s a puzzle there he can’t quite solve. You diligently work away, sticking flags and post-its on cold cases for the board. 

“What’s with that?” 

Emily looks up from her phone. “What’s with what?”

Derek nudges his chin toward the conference room. “That.”

Emily’s brow pinches a little. “They seem to be getting along well.” Her mouth twists. “I didn’t think he’d warm up so easily. He didn’t with me.” 

“He gets like that. He’s getting better, though, ever since you called him out.” 

She snorts. “You’re kidding. I didn’t think he actually listened - I barely meant it.” 

“No, you didn’t.” Derek raises his eyebrows and searches for her eyes. “And he heard you.” 

Emily shifts her attention back to you, her posture softening. “Oh.” 

“C’mon,” Derek says, tapping her upper back with a good deal of affection. “Let’s regroup and see what we’ve got.”

+++

Aaron sits up in bed, the harsh light from the hotel table lamp illuminating the ugly wallpaper and the case files on the equally ugly bedspread. 

His fingers hover restlessly over the keys as he drafts his email, warring with himself. 

Does he want you on the team? Permanently? He’s already shown too much of his hand, revealed too much of himself, grew too comfortable too quickly. 

He’s not sure what it is about you that forced his guard down. 

You’re not the first person he’s asked about Haley, though he must admit that Gideon was next to no help. Spencer’s offered him unsolicited statistics about marital strife on three separate occasions in the past three months. 

Aaron presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut. 

I live in a circus. 

He opens his eyes and reads over the email again. 

Fuck it. 

His cursor hovers over Send for just a moment before he clicks. The little whooshing sound seals his fate. 

+++

You land in Arizona and Gideon’s already on edge. There’s already another crime scene by the time you get off the plane

“This one’s going to be bad, isn’t it?” 

Derek sighs. “You’ve got good instincts. Stay close.” 

You elect yourself Derek’s shadow at the crime scene, taking notes for him while he circles and observes the body. 

Leaning close to him, you ask, “Isn’t the body positioning a sign of remorse?” 

He looks over at you with a little smile. “Yeah. Good work.” He looks across the street to Hotch, speaking with the detective. “Do yourself a favor and note that to Hotch. Make sure Gideon hears you.” 

+++

This time, you’re alone with Emily in the conference room, helping her pin and organize the board. 

“Hey,” she says, something like hesitation in her voice. 

You turn. “Yeah?” 

“Did Strauss ever…” She trails off and looks over her shoulder as Hotch, Gideon, and Derek come back in from the Arizona heat. They’re on their way to the conference room. 

“Did she ever what?” 

Emily shakes her head and forces a smile, waving you off. “Nevermind.” 

You’re not sure you get the confused look of your face before your colleagues walk through the door. 

+++

“Where are they?” Hotch watches the monitor, his eyes flickering, searching for Derek and Emily. 

You’re frozen, watching over his shoulder as the woman stabs the unsub, and then herself. Without knowing why, your mind wanders to that question Emily almost asked you the day before. 

This isn’t good. 

+++

The plane ride home is quiet, tense. 

You sit next to Hotch again. There’s not much you can do, but you shoot a text to Haley. 

5:42pm We’re flying back. Should be wheels down in Quantico in about four hours. 

She texts back after a minute. 

5:43pm Thanks. 

There’s something off - you don’t like the look of that period, but you try not to read into it too much. You’re all feeling a little unsettled after that case. 

Your eyes wander across the cabin. 

JJ’s bottom lip is firmly planted between her teeth as she stares out the window. 

Spencer’s sitting across from Gideon with a huge book in his lap, but he’s looking at Gideon more than he’s reading. 

Gideon, for once, doesn’t have his journal in his hand. He, like JJ, stares out the window, his mouth pinched. 

Emily’s eyes are restless, her breathing somewhat irregular. She’s picking at her nails. 

“Emily.” 

She looks up at you, and you tap the back of your hand with a finger. She looks down, finding her thumb and index finger close to bleeding. 

“Thanks.” She looks away from you again. 

If you didn’t know better, you’d think the view out the window was the most captivating sight in history. 

You know better. It’s just clouds. 

Your phone buzzes in your hand. Jenny. 

5:58pm How’s it going? 

You huff a little laugh down your nose. 

5:58pm Rough day. 

Hotch breaks his gaze from the window. “What’s up?” 

“Just Jenny. She’s checking in.” 

He shakes his head and you can hear the sarcasm in his tone. “Good day for it.” 

6:01pm If you’re up to it, I’ll be in my office late if you want to swing by and talk about it. 6:02pm I also have booze. 

You look up to find Hotch reading over your shoulder. He backs off. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to -” 

“No, it’s fine.” 

“You should go, if she’s offering.” 

You snort. “Should I be job-searching already?” 

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” he says with a little smile. “Jenny’s seen a lot. She’s a good resource.” 

+++

The Navy yard is quiet as you drive across the campus. The NCIS building isn’t hard to find, but it’s still unfamiliar territory. 

When you park and get cleared for access and up the elevator, most of the lights are off on the Major Case Response floor. There are still agents present, working under the warm light of their desk lamps. 

A team of four takes up the middle of the bullpen, but they barely look up as you pass them and climb the stairs. 

Cynthia isn’t at her desk - gone for the night - and Jenny’s office door is open. She also has her overhead lights turned off, giving her office a cozy, lived-in feel. 

“Hey, you,” she says, looking up with a little smile. “Just got the scuttlebutt on that Arizona case. Definitely not ideal, I hear.”

You shake your head, collapsing into a chair on the other side of her desk. “Not ideal is a good way to put it.” 

She stands and crosses the office, pouring two small glasses of some amber liquid you know is gonna burn like hell. 

You take what she offers and hold in both of your hands, not really interested in drinking it, and follow her to the couch. 

“What happened?” 

You heave a breath. “Got the call - three murders already. Clearly a preferential offender. All the women were students, brunette, similar features. We already had another crime scene by the time we landed. We used the profile, got the guy.” 

Jenny’s brow pinches. “Then?” 

“Copycat. Even came with a note exonerating the suspect we had in custody. We had to let him go without a lead on the second suspect.” 

She sighs and takes a sip of her bourbon. “Been there.” 

“We were surveilling him, waiting for him to do something stupid - we knew he would. The copycat confronted him… She was suicidal. Stabbed him, then herself. We were too late.” 

“Oh, my God.” 

You level her with an exhausted look. “Yeah.” 

“How’s your team?” 

“Tired, mostly.” You offer a humorless laugh. “Maybe in a more existential way than a physical way, not that any of us have slept…” 

The two of you chat into the early hours of the morning. She’s had more than one day like this, in more than one country. 

“It’s days like this that make you question whether you’ve chosen the right line of work.” She looks over at a picture of herself in front of the Eiffel Tower, resting on her bookshelf. “But the good days…”

“They make it worth it, don’t they?” 

The corner of her mouth tips up in a smile. “Yeah. They do.” 

+++

You find a text from Haley when you get back into the car, not realizing you left it in the center console cup holder. 

10:38pm Thanks for getting him home safe. Get some sleep.

+++

When you come in the next morning almost embarrassingly late, Gideon’s office is still dark. 

You’re not even really sure you should be here in the first place, what with the major fuckup hanging over everyone’s heads. The last thing you want to do is go home to your room, back to those four tiny walls and textbooks, even after everything. The bullpen, this team, has become your safety net. 

They should all be here, but there’s only one absence striking you as particularly odd. “Where’s Gideon?” 

Spencer shrugs, spinning half-circles in his desk chair. He looks despondent, staring at the carpet. You don’t see Emily or Derek, but you assume they’re somewhere. 

Weird. 

You set your things down and head up the stairs, knocking twice on Hotch’s door. 

“Yeah?” He looks up and sees you, relaxing a little. 

You take a little breath. “Should I be here today?” 

“Do you want to be here today?” There’s something behind his voice you can’t quite place. It almost sounds like insecurity, like he’s worried he’s scared you off. 

Far from it. 

“I do, sir. I want to be here.” You think of Jenny, and hope he can hear more than you can say. “It’s worth it.” 

You think maybe you’re figuring him out a little more. He smiles more often than you’d think, but you have to know what it looks like. This look - the softening of his eyes and the corners of his mouth, the slight crease at the corners of his eye, the threat of a dimple - is just as big a smile for him as Morgan’s human-sunshine smile. 

“Then stick around. I’ll have you work on some mock consults with Reid and Prentiss - you’ll be doing a lot of those in the next few months until you’re ready to take them on by yourself.” 

“I’ll go pick them up from JJ. They’re in her office, right?” 

He nods and you turn to leave, but you’re stopped by the sound of your name before you can get through the door. “Yeah?”

“You’ve performed remarkably well, no matter what happens after this.” 

The side of your mouth twists. “Thank you, sir.”

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @hurricanejjareau @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse​ @criminalsmarts @genevievedarcygranger​ @ssaic-jareau @davidrossi-ismydad​ @angelsbabey​ @hotchsflower @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid​ @captain-christopher-pike​ @dwellingsofrosie @pan-pride-12 @sunshine-em​ @word-scribbless​ @jdougl-love​ @dreila03​ @forgottenword​ @aaronhotchnerr​ @ssa-morgan​ @sana-li​ @tegggeeee​ @abschaffer2​ @ssacandice-ray​ @ellyhotchner​ @lotties-journey-abroad​ @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25​ @mooneylupinblack​ @ssareidbby​ @bwbatta​ @roses-and-grasses​ @capricorngf​ @missdowntonabbey​ @averyhotchner​ @mandylove1000​ @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor​ @spencers-hoodrat​ @popped-weasels​ @evee87​ @nuvoleincielo​ @this-broken-band-girl​ @reidtomestyles​ @hotch-meeeeeuppppp​ @winqhster​ @the-falling-in-the-danger​ @iconicc​ @mangoberry43​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @kerrswriting​ @mac99martin​ @itsalwaysb33nyou​ @baumarvel​ @messyhairday-me​ @ssworldofsw​  @deagibs​ @crazyshannonigans​ @moonshinerbynight​ @jhiddles03​ @teamhappyme​ @mendesmelodies​ @starsandasteroids​ @unicorn-bitch​ @ambicaos​ @bispences​

[jediken0bi]

Blissed Out

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: BAU!Reader and Spencer are getting ready to spend the evening wining and dining with the Team and Spencer can't help but reflect on how lucky he is.

Domestic Bliss ensues!

Warnings: Some suggestive themes but nothing graphic

word count: 1393

-

Today was your lucky day. Not only did you not have a case but the team has seized up the opportunity to plan a nice dinner to catch up. You might see each other every day but the cases you deal with leave little to no time for other things. You miss your friends and you know Spencer does too.

Speaking of Spencer, he was currently getting dressed in the bedroom and you found him in a surprisingly good mood. Not that he's a grumpy person per se but he usually rejects the idea of going out when the alternative is staying in to watch Doctor Who.

You come up behind him to wrap your arms around his torso.

"Hey handsome are you almost ready?"

He leaned into your touch for a second before turning around and taking you in. You look as beautiful as ever. Your dress fits you in all the right places and your hair and make up look angelic.

Every time he looks at you, it feels like falling in love all over again.

"Pretty much. Can't decide on a tie though so i was hoping you'd help me"

You tugs at your waist and you collide with his chest. He leans down to press a kiss to your cheek and you lean into his touch with closed eyes.

"You look absolutely stunning" he half whispers before pressing a soft peck to your lips.

You can't help but blush at his actions. Not that Spencer isn't usually affectionate with you, quite the opposite really, but you still aren't used to his bluntness. Contrary to what others say about him, he doesn't feel the need to hide how he feels or downplay how he sees things anymore. Especially when it comes to you. Non of your previous relationships could've prepared you for the love Spencer lays on you every single day.

"Thank you, Spence"

You lean up to press another short kiss to his lips. You would love to do more than that right now but you're already late and you really did miss your friends.

Remembering his earlier request, you look past him to judge his tie options. You spot your favorite among them and excitedly point to it.

Spencer smiles and turns around to look at what you've chosen and let's out a small laugh that brings a wide smile to your face.

"I should've known how this would go. You really do love this tie huh" he says jokingly while placing it around his neck.

You stop his hands by grabbing them and pulling him towards you again.

"No, i love you and you just so happen to look very hot wearing that tie. I can't help it"

You bite your lip in order to suppress a grin.

As much as you still struggle to accept Spencers compliments, you know he's in the same boat as you.

He's not used to it at all and while he admitted to you that he really likes it when you compliment him it's obvious to you that he's still struggling with accepting them from time to time.

There's a hint of a blush on his cheeks and he looks down at his feet for a second before catching your eyes with a bashful smile.

"Thank you, my love"

You nod with a smile, happy he accepted the compliment. You reach up to tie his tie and are focused so hard on the task at hand that you almost miss the way Spencer looks at you while you struggle with straightening it out properly. A small smile works itself onto your face and before you can ask what he's looking at, he is already wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a hug.

You let out a surprised giggle. You wrap your arms around his neck and he nuzzles his head in the crook of yours. He takes a deep breath before pressing featherlight kisses to your neck and cheek.

"Are you alright baby?" You ask in a calm voice. Maybe he just needs to be held right now and you're more than willing to provide him with that comfort but you'd rather be sure that's all there is to this outburst of emotion.

You can feel him smile at the pet name. He presses another kiss to your neck.

"Perfectly good. I just keep remembering how lucky i am. I never even thought this level of happiness existed outside of romance novels and now i get to wake up every morning experiencing it first hand. You know, before you stepped into my life there were times where i hated being me, but now i know there's isn't a single person on this planet i would ever want to switch with. Thank you for loving me"

Your eyes glisten with unshed tears as you let out a wobbly laugh. You lean back to capture his face with your hands and he all but melts under your touch. He presses a long kiss to your left palm und you stroke his cheek with the other.

"You deserve to be loved for exactly who you are. You, Spencer Reid, are the most wonderful man i have ever met. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you see that"

A moment passes where you two just stare at each other in awe. Soaking in the underlying promise of a future filled with everything you two wanted.

A house, a cute backyard wedding, kids and mornings filled with butterfly kisses and unconditional support.

He leans down to kiss you and before your lips even touch his, you've already buried your hands in his curls. You close the gap between you two and as cliché as it sounds for a moment nothing else mattered. There was only you and him.

What started out fairly innocent quickly turned into something more. The cases have kept you two quite busy and it's been a minute since you spend some quality alone time.

He grips your waist and pulls you flush against his chest while his tongue asks for permission. You don't think twice about granting it and all of a sudden you find yourself wishing you didn't have to leave any minute.

There's many things that you love about Spencer but one of your favorite things is definitely how passionate he gets when you grant him access to your body. Each and every time he sucks in a deep breath and lets his eyes wander over every beautiful curve. His stares are shameless and it sends shockwaves through your entire body.

You are his as much as he is yours and he will always make sure you know just how worshipped you are.

He is by far the most attentive lover and boyfriend you've ever had and you shutter at the thought that there was a time where you accepted anything less.

A future without Spencer would be no future at all and all you can think about while he's kissing down your neck is how blessed you are to have found the love of your life at such a young age.

He kisses his way back up your neck and presses one final kiss to your lips before leaning back and smiling.

"Are you ready, my love? They're probably wondering where we are"

You give him a bright smile and nod your head happily. Your hands are sliding down his neck all the way down his back and before you can reach his butt, he grabs your hands and laughs.

"Nice try. Save that energy for later"

You give him a pout and he only laughs at your goofiness.

"You're obsessed with my butt, you know that?

You give him a dreamy smile and shrug lightly.

"It's a cute butt. No shame in wanting to claim it now is there?"

He shakes his head while trying to suppress a grin.

"It's all yours, i promise. Now let's go before Derek starts turning our late arrival into a very inappropriate party guessing game"

You laugh as he grabs your hand and pulls you out of the door. You intertwine your fingers with his and bump your shoulder into his side.

"$10 he's already made everyone give their best guess"

Spencer just holds your hand tighter and groans with a small smile.

"He definitely did"

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[sonicasura]

Top 5 Game Series That Need The N.Sane Treatment

Crash Bandicoot was a series that hadn't been seen for years until the Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy was revealed to the world. Thanks to this trilogy, not only was the franchise revitalized but we also got a sequel for Crash Warped in the form of Crash 4: It's About Time.

This is a recipe that could potentially bring games lost in obscurity back into the limelight but even a chance for new games to come. Here are some of my picks!

1. Jak and Daxter

One of the games that seriously needs the N.Sane Trilogy treatment. Jak and Daxter was a game series made by Naughty Dog that would inspire many platforms after. It stars the Demolition Duo, Jak and his partner ottsel, Daxter, on incredible adventures that change in tone over each game. You begin with a goofy island adventure to a dark futuristic playground as new mechanics get introduced.

Out of the main trio which consists of Jak, Sly, and Ratchet, Jak was actually the first game I played amongst them. A series that needs a comeback especially with the Easter Eggs often seen in Ratchet and Clank games throughout the years.

Touch up the graphics into a different style depending on the game, the Precursor Legacy be a bit more cartoony in appearance like Crash 4, and then switch to a style similar to the N.Sane Trilogy for the darker games like Jak 2 and 3.

Adjust the controls to run smoother, change difficulty of certain games like lower the difficulty of Jak 2 a smidge and place an optional mode to play with the original difficulty.

This would lay down the groundwork for an actual proper sequel, Jak X feels more like a side game while Lost Frontier is a snore fest.

If Naughty Dog doesn't take this route and continues pushing out flavorless games, I suggest any decent company that can do should buy the rights to Jak and Daxter. This is a gold mine covered in dust that needs to come back!

2. Sly Cooper

Yep! We're going to the other member of this once legendary trio, Sly Cooper. Sly Cooper was the second game series from Sucker Punch that I played, the first being Infamous series.

This game revolves around a group of thieves who steal from criminals and tend to get wrapped up in saving the world a few times or battling enemies out to end the bloodline of the main character, Sly Cooper, who comes from a legendary family of thieves.

Before the series disappeared into discontinuity, we had a total of 3 main games alongside one made by Sanzaru. Sanzaru's Thieves of Time was decent but midway World 3, the quality seriously declined and left fans with a very unsatisfied ending. Perfect for crossovers but terrible for the franchise.

Giving this game the N.Sane Trilogy treatment would not only give a more successful chance than attempts to make a movie, but it could to more proper sequel than Sanzaru's version. Use a design similar to Sanzaru's or go for a more rounded one like N.Sane Trilogy.

Ratchet and Clank Rift Apart even had an Easter Egg with Sly in it too! Insomniac acknowledges that these game series still exist by dropping these little nuggets of nostalgia, take the hint and bring back the Legendary Playstation Trio!

3. Spectrobes

Nintendo's alternate version of Pokemon. Spectrobes is a trilogy game series that debuted on the DS and last game was made for the Wii.

This series revolves around Rallen and Jeena, two members of the Nanairo Patrol, as they search for the fossils of creatures of light known as Spectrobes to find the planet devouring darkness known as Krawl.

You travel through various planets to uncover different kinds of fossils and some very interesting or whacky but loveable characters. It has elements similar to Fossil Fighters where you have to dig up fossils before awakening them. Care for your Spectrobes to battle the Krawl.

The evolving battle system, new mechanics, various locales and the unique design of each Spectrobe were something I loved but pretty sure many would like too. It even had a book and a mini series on YouTube! The game's graphics could take a route similar to Rayman Legends or Dragonball FighterZ.

Don't go for Jump Force please. We need actual expression than stiff faces and aggravating screams.

This is game series worth bringing back even if it just gets a remake.

4. Golden Sun

Another Nintendo franchise that needs return from obscurity. Golden Sun was a JRPG that came along systems like the Gameboy Advance during a severe lack of games for it. It revolves around different groups of people who use Psynergy, their version of alchemy, to battle evil as they travel the realm of Weyward.

A great game series enriched by its many characters, lore, growing battle system such as Djnn and Summons to turn the tide in battles, unique story and all sorts of areas to explore.

The biggest dent to the franchise was Dark Dawn because of its questionable ending that left many players confused or dissatisfied despite the incredible graphics, plot and character interactions. After that no one has heard a single word about any sequel.

The N.Sane Treatment would not only bring the franchise back for fans both new and old but can actually fix the questionable ending for Dark Dawn. Graphic style, um, I guess something similar to Dragon Quest or maybe Persona. Persona would be the better option considering how you choose how the main character responds to certain situations.

This series has been done dirty and deserves a second chance like this.

5. Kid Icarus

A Nintendo franchise that shows bringing back old games can revitalize a lost series.

This game series is at the bottom for a decent reason actually. Masahiro Sakurai has been hearing requests about porting one of the games, Uprising, to the Switch. Something that he sounds like he wants to do but there is a problem as he admits it would be difficult.

How Uprising is made for the 3DS such as the dual screens, and specific use of the touch screen for combat. Something that can't easily be translated to something like the Switch without decent changes.

The game revolves around the angel Pit, who fights the evil forces of the Underworld with assistance from his Goddess Palutena. Each game changes the rules of battle with the greatest being Uprising as you combat various creatures and even bosses revolve mostly around Greek mythology.

I think the N. Sane Trilogy can work with this. The first Kid Icarus and the second Of Myth and Monsters might be what could provide the missing pieces for the Uprising Switch Port Situation.

Both games could be completely restyled in a format that could be similar to Zelda since in these games, your options of weapons are limited and you have to think smart for particular puzzles.

They can be used to lay down a format that can built on for an Uprising Remake since Land Battles are one half of the essential gameplay. The graphics can be Uprising since it's already a perfect that just needs to be brushed up a bit.

When it comes to Super Smash Brothers, Sakurai worked hard to make characters like Minecraft Steve or Fighting Game fighters such as Ryu and Kazuya fit into the gameplay even if it meant changing about every hitbox and aspect of the stages. A little help can go a long way.

That's what I've got for now. If I find anymore games that need the N. Sane Trilogy then I'll put em in a new list. Until next time folks!