#sure everybody has an evil mother in law story

[charyou-tree]

For my own mental health, I have a rule of thumb about communities, whether a political party or a discord group:

Never join a community that is only against something, stick to communities that are for something.

If the only thing you have in common with the people around you is a shared Hate, that's all you're going to get. It rots your soul from the inside to make yourself addicted to recreational Anger as your main form of socialization and entertainment. Social media algorithms tend to amplify those groups though, because people keeping themselves perpetually pissed-off about their issue of choice keep coming back for more, and the algorithm is designed to increase "engagement" by any means necessary.

Like, join a group for your hobby, or your favorite band, or an activist cause you believe in, or at least just go have fun somewhere. Go find people who make you feel good to be around.

Stay away from groups that start making up fake stories to make themselves mad when they run out of real material...

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

The Childhood of Moses (Exodus 2)

Everybody is interested in a baby that is, everybody who has a gentle heart. The babies of the Bible are especially interesting. Next to the infancy and childhood of Jesus, perhaps no Bible baby interests us so much as the infant Moses in his basket among the rushes.

We must bring up a little of background of the story. Pharaoh became alarmed at the rapid growth of the Hebrews. He determined to check their increase. He tried to do this, first, by making the people slaves, reducing them to bondage. He made them toil on the public works. He set taskmasters over them and compelled them to work in building storage cities. The intention was, by the burdens put upon them, to wear them out and check their increase. But the more he afflicted them the more they grew. Yet more rigorous was the service made and the more bitter the cruel bondage. But all availed nothing. They still increased marvelously.

Then a still more barbarous scheme was ordered. Every male infant was to be killed, cast into the Nile. It was while this edict was in force that Moses was born. The prospect was not bright for the child’s future. But when God has a purpose and a work for a life, men’s schemes do not avail. The king was no match for God.

It is a beautiful story we are to study. The king’s own daughter becomes unwittingly the protector of the little child, not only rescuing him from the river but also training him under royal shelter for his mission as liberator of his people. When Jochebed, the mother, looked into her baby’s face she saw that he was “a fine child”, very beautiful. The child’s beauty was to play an important part in shaping his destiny. No doubt it influenced the princess, too, when she saw the child in the basket. It is not surprising that he seemed beautiful to his mother. What mother ever saw anything but beauty in her own child? Love transfigures the homeliest features. Every baby born into the world is the handsomest baby ever born to one woman. God never sends a baby but He sends love to make a nest for it. Yet there was something unusual in this infant’s appearance, something which told the mother that he was to have a great destiny. “Cast this baby into the river!” she said. “Never!” So she hid him.

No doubt there were spies watching the Hebrew homes to drag every boy baby away to the Nile. Jochebed would keep the news of the little stranger’s coming so secret, that it never would be known there was an infant in the house. Yet it is hard to hide a baby very long. How she must have trembled every time the child cried, lest some informant might be prowling round the door and should hear the sound and come in. Three months passed. Then she began to feel that she could hide him no longer. He was getting too large. The danger was too great. She must think of some other way to protect him. How should she do it?

Love is fertile in devices. Jochebed decided upon her course, and then she intelligently and very bravely set to work to carry it out. She wove a little ark of bulrushes, and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. She seemed to put it just where the king’s watchers and guards would be surest to find the child. What did she mean? Just this that when she could no longer conceal him herself she would put him altogether out of her own hands into God’s. That is the law of Providence God does nothing for us which we can do for ourselves; but when we can do no more we may turn to God and be sure that He will work for us. Jochebed believed that God had a great purpose for her child, and she would let God take the whole care of him in the present peril.

Does any mother ever now place her child on the edge of such perils, committing him to God? Yes; there are more cruel rivers than the Nile, flowing by our very doors. Only think of intemperance, impurity, evil companionship, the myriad vices amid which every child has to be raised. The Christian mother cannot hide her child forever in her own home. Some mothers think this is their duty, and they try to keep their children sheltered in their home, not allowing them to mingle with other children. But this is not the true way to bring up a child in order to make him strong and ready for life’s tasks and duties. He must meet temptation, or he will never be able to live victoriously. He must go out into the world. What can the mother do to shelter him from the dangers and the enemies? She can only build an ark for him, then put him out of her own hands, and ask God to take care of him.

See good Jochebed making this ark for the launching of her heart’s treasure. She takes great pains in weaving it to make it strong. Then she plasters it with tar and pitch to make it watertight. No doubt many tears dropped upon it as she worked away, and she wove as many prayers as reeds into the little barque. At last it was finished. Then she took her three-month old baby and laid him in the ark, and told Miriam, the baby’s sister, to carry the basket down to the river and leave it there at a certain spot among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.

Well, that is just what good Christian mothers are doing all the while with their children. They must let them go out to meet temptation. So they build arks out of the promises, the good counsels, the Bible teachings, and the home influences. They line them with many prayers and much love. They consecrate them with tears. Then they put their children into them and push them out into the world, committing them to God.

Now what did God do? He took charge of this child. How wonderfully He arranged everything! All the promises to Abraham and all the hopes of the nation hung upon that baby, born in slavery, with the doom of death pronounced upon it, and now laid actually outside of the mother’s care in a little basket by the river’s edge. Yet all was perfectly safe, for God was watching. “Steer boldly,” said Caesar to his pilot in a storm. “Steer boldly, good pilot, for you bear Caesar and his fortunes.” More than Caesar’s fortunes lay in this little basket, and no wave could wreck it, no great beast could crunch the baby or trample it into the mire.

The sister did her part well. She kept faithful watch over that basket, and did not go off to gather flowers, nor sit down to play with her dolls. She attended to her duty. Her baby brother’s life was in her keeping. We shall see, as we read on, what she was to him, not only then but afterward. Many an older sister has been God’s angel to her younger brother. Sometimes noble sisters sacrifice their own pleasure and happiness in unselfishly living for their brothers, that they may obtain an education and become noble men. In many a home there is a boy exposed to danger and temptation, and there is an older sister who has it in her power to be guardian and friend to him, doing for him what Miriam did for her brother. Will the young girls who read these words think what they can do for their brothers?

Was it an accident that the princess came down that way just at that time? She did not know any reason for taking a stroll but for the common one that she might bathe in the Nile. Yet she was really on an errand for God. She did not even know God, for her religion was heathen but God knew her, and had her unwittingly do this beautiful work for Him. So we all go on our way each day, each intent on his own purposes but all the while God is using us to help carry out His greater purposes. Any daily walk we take may accomplish an errand for God, may touch some life with blessing, or decide some destiny.

Had the mother thought it all out? Did she know the habits of the princess? Did she put her baby in the ark and place it carefully so that the princess would be the first to see it? Then did she depend upon the appeal the child would make by its helplessness to her woman heart? So it would seem. When the princess had the ark opened the baby was crying, and this cry touched her compassion. She would have been an unnatural woman if she had remained unmoved, or if she had bidden her maidens cast the baby into the river.

We cannot but admire Miriam’s beautiful doing of her part in this wonderful life - drama. Someone has said of her and her words, “A little girl by one speech changed the history of the world.” She was watching faithfully, and the moment the little basket was brought to the princess this artless Hebrew maiden was close beside her. A picture of the scene represents Miriam standing with her hands behind her back, looking into the basket as innocently as if it were all a perfect surprise to her. With wondrous artlessness she suggested that she would run and find a nurse for the child among the Hebrews.

What woman should she call to nurse that baby what one but the baby’s mother? How the little maiden must have hastened! How the mother’s heart must have leaped when she was called to become nurse to the little foundling! And now we see the princess of Egypt, unawares committing the beautiful baby she had found, back into his own mother’s hands to be nursed by her!

We can imagine the feelings of Jochebed’s heart as she took her child into her bosom again. She did not need to hide her baby now. The princess of Egypt had adopted him and the protection of the throne was over him. No one dared touch him.

When God took charge of the training of this child for his great mission the first teacher He sent him to was his own mother. No one can ever take the true mother’s place in the training of a child. Some things God gives twice but He never gives a mother twice to a child. It was especially important that Moses should be brought up in his earliest days by his own mother. He must be trained as a Hebrew, with Hebrew sympathies, with the knowledge of the true God. If he had been brought up from the first in the palace of Egypt, with Egyptian teachers, he never could have become the deliverer of his people.

At length, however, the child was removed from the mother’s care, and taken to the palace to occupy his place as the son of the princess. His mother must be his first teacher but she could not teach him all he needed to learn for his life’s mission. So God arranged at the proper time to have him taken to another school. He would have to wrestle with Egypt by and by, and deliver his people out of Pharaoh’s hands. He would also have to take a great company of slaves, form them into a nation, train them for self-government, and fit them for a glorious mission. To be prepared for all this work, Moses was placed in a position to learn the best of the world’s wisdom. He never became an Egyptian, however but remained a loyal Hebrew.

[ursbearhug]

Okay in my normal vein I'm obligated by law to recommend a good game!

So I had some spare change on my steam account because my previous purchases (Devil May Cry 5 and Resident Evil 6) were... Less than satisfying. I know RE6 is good story wise because I've watched let's play of it but playing the game myself caused some serious conniptions. Devil May Cry was on the other hand, an example of horrible port or game that was not made for PC in the first play. Whatever it was, it was just horrendous experience all around. But since you can only play for less than 2 hours in order to return the game, I might have missed the game being the best in the world in the meantime or something.

This by the way is something I've learnt the hard way because I'm 98% sure that at the time, mother language version of the service rules you agree to, have been horribly untranslated. In English it clearly says that game needs to be played for less than 2 hours AND returned within two weeks of purchase. When I read it (not in English) it said one or the other. And I was very perplexed and vexed because I couldn't give back the game I barely played but bought two years ago or some shit like that. Anyway!

"Pentiment" is gorgeous game stylised for 15 and 16th century illuminations. There is a lot of gothic and humanistic calligraphy to oggle at if that's something you fancy. I know to a lot of folk it is hard to believe but antique and mediaeval latin are different and therefore a lot of it is hardly understandable to me (though, a lot of is because it's just 'reprints', like for instance; Aeneid). But that's only if you go through the trouble of reading that flashing latin (which I do because I'm a weirdo). There is a lot of the "choices matter", most of the game is carefully picking conversation options - since game is constantly auto saved, you cannot pick and revert your choice; this ain't Life is Strange. If you fuck up, you have to live with that wrong choice you've picked by accident and WHOOPS 13 hours of gameplay for naught because YOUR FAT FUCKING FINGER SLIPED. It's okay. I'm over it... - and investigating. But what could you be investigating? MURDER! And this time it ain't butler's fault. And no Agatha Christie to be found.

Beside being just gorgeous to look at, it runs really well too. It's tad too loud for me personally but I'm not really game music nerd. It is okay though! Characters that I got to meet are really sweet and lovely too. Most of them anyway. Towns folk especially. The amount of dilfs I would like to... Well... Fuck - is staggering. Game is also somehow aware of gay people existing in the 16th century monasteries and out. I would *DIE* for Jorg. He is big where it matters. (It's his heart pervs)

To my delight game has 3 acts and it took me 13 hours to get through 1st. Now I had the freedom to play almost nonstop but I'm also a MASSIVE snoop and I was getting into everybodies' business with my crew and talking dog. I meant meddling kids! So there is a chance that somebody who cares less about petting every dog and cat and smelling every flower and talking with everybody 6 times just to be sure, will be able to go through the game quicker.

Oh, yes. You can pet 16th century illuminations of a cat or dog. Ya know how everybody lost their shit that Hogwarts Legacy: Transphobia Crowd Funded had the petting cats options? Yeah, eat your heart out JKTERFling. One of the dog is called Mirabilis which is: according to my poor memory and even worse grasp on Latin - either an adjective meaning "wonderful" or noun meaning "wonder". I would die for them too.

There is also some "choose your own adventure" motifs, with picking unfinished (hits too close to home mister Game) major, second field, your origins and later even main occupation (and I - for once in my entire life - was pleasantly surprised to see my nation and country existing prominently. Though that was when it excelled historically, so yeah). And I think it gives it a lot of charm.

I will try to finish the game (and perhaps cram the second playthrough because I have new BETTER ideas to FUCK UP MY GAME) before the weekends end. Game is currently on a discount on Steam and will be till 4th of May to anybody interested!

Anyway, I'm really tired and tomorrow is fancy Flea Market awaiting me so! Good night ol buddies ol pals!

[inukag-archive]

Hello! I’m looking for recommendations for a particular trope/genre: Feudal Era AU as @superpixie42 would say. Fics that are Canon-era (Inuyasha-world without Inuyasha plot) but are not quite canon-divergent or fix-it? I’m thinking along the lines of Out of The Woods (Miss_Dyana), Kintsugi, If We Fall Anyway (both Evilillusions), for example. Any other genre/rating is good. Thank you! 💓

Hey @anisaanisa, it's no secret this is one of Mod Pixie's favorite AUs, so thank you for the chance to put this one together!

Shelter by @lavendertwilight89 (E)

Summary: Song fic inspired Stuck with You and Shelter. Inuyasha has been alone most of his life and one moonless night he gets caught up with a young priestess. She saves him and he, in return, helps her. What he doesn't realize is, this priestess holds a lot of secrets which may or may not cost both of them their lives... 

--

Demon Nature by @shardetector (E)

Summary: He spoke low and gently, although his voice was gruff with his demon still so close to the surface, “You saved me wench, now I’ll repay the favor.” With that, his muscles bunched in his legs as he sprung up and out of the well, a red blur in the night as he made his way through the forest to his destination. His precious cargo held safely to his chest, as he raced to save her with his demonic speed. 

--

there's no place (for us/like home) by guardianKarenterrier (G)

Summary: Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Inuyasha starts to creep closer to the fire at night. Now that he's not so injured, he's begun to vanish into the woods and come back to throw down rabbits and once a badger at the side of the hut, and Kagome hasn't had to worry about finding enough to eat as the air starts to turn colder. He hardly ever talks to them, or at all, and he won't come close enough to touch- he never comes as close as he had that first day again, but he stays. She's not sure why he stays, but she's glad that he does. 

--

Comfort Food by @splendentgoddess (E)

Summary: Feudal AU one-shot. An ex-miko-in-training stumbles upon a seemingly human man alone in the woods during the moonless night. He seems all alone in the world - just like her. Goodness, when was the last time he had a decent meal? 

--

Half-Breed’s Wife by @gypsin (M)

Summary: On the night of the new moon, a runaway girl stumbles into Inuyasha's life. Little did he realize then what he would be undertaking by saving her. But when Kagome has nowhere else to go will he leave her to her fate Or will he rise to the occasion? And what will the humans think? 

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Your Lying Smile by @dawnrider (M)

Summary: A beautiful day by the river quickly takes a turn, taking control of her life completely out of Kagome's hands. Her "rescuer" becomes something else entirely before she can get a word in edgewise. A Feudal-esue AU 

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We Are Family by @theladyofthewest (T)

Summary: Imagine a world in which the Inu No Taisho lived to raise his sons together, as brothers. Inuyasha never had to learn to survive on his own, he never met Kikyo, never heard of the Shikon Jewel. Now imagine if Kagome fell into this world instead of the one she did in canon. Imagine if she and Inuyasha had ... parental supervision. 

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Oblivion @meggz0rz (M)

Summary: Feudal-era Japan. A war to the death between youkai and humankind. Kagome, rebellious daughter of a noble family, is not about to let her grandfather sacrifice himself in battle. So she takes his place, dressed as a boy and ready to fight to survive. But in love and war, things are rarely as they seem, and there is a spy in the army ranks who just might be Kagome's downfall... 

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Everybody Wants To Be An Inuyoukai by @superpixie42 (T)

Summary: A birthday one-shot for kstewdeux very vaguely based on the plot of the Aristocats. When Kagome, newly widowed with a newborn son, is named the heir of her mother-in-law's enormous estate things suddenly go from bad to worse. She's drugged, kidnaped, and left for dead on the side of the road. With the help of some unexpected new friends, Kagome finds herself questioning: does she even want to make it back home? 

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The Shogun’s Daughter by @shnuggletea (E)

Summary: Kagome's father passed away when she was just a child but his Shogun status still makes her a valuable bride to a Lord of lands that border their village. Lord Inuyasha Tashio is pushed by the council into marriage, assured his new bride was an excellent choice. All their fears and anxiety are amplified when they meet. 

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Timeless and Forbidden Love by lunalibro (M)

Summary: Once, a long long time ago in Japan, demons and other horrid monsters out of nightmares roamed the lands. Wars were never-ending, famine, death and bloodshed abound. Admist this chaos, there lived a great priestess named Midoriko who was renowned throughout for not only her incredible power and fighting prowess, but also for ethereal beauty. She defeated countless demons and staved off many dark evils as the protector of humankind. Eventually, Midoriko fell in love and birthed twin daughters. The eldest was named Kikyo and the youngest was named Kagome, While alike in looks, the sisters were complete opposites. Naturally, these girls inherited their mother’s immense powers. From a young age, Midoriko trained them in combat and in the spiritual arts. The sisters grew in strength and looks. However, Kikyo’s powers had matured far greater than that of her sister’s. Midoriko decided Kikyo shall be the one to take her place as the new protector of Musashi. From then on, Kagome would find herself living in her sister’s shadow. Maybe with the help of a young half-demon named InuYasha, Kagome could realize her worth and possibly fall in love in the process. A forbidden love that will last throughout time. 

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Beauty and the Hanyou by mishelledor23 (M)

Summary: Inspired by Beauty and the Beast, but Inuyasha style! The terrible half-demon prince Inuyasha is under a fifty-year old curse that keeps him trapped inside his castle. Can Kagome, the reluctant miko-in-training become his friend? Maybe even his love? InuXKag, MirXSan. Lemons and language in later chapters! 

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For Better or Worse by Anime Wildfire

Summary: Kagome, priestess in training, turns her life upside down when she saves the life of the half demon Inuyasha… and accidentally finds herself bound to him via pesky subjugation beads. This is not how she thought her day- or her life- was going to go.

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By the Match, Not the Flame by @goshinote (M)

Summary:  Inuyasha is a hellbent hanyo on a mission for revenge. Kagome is a wanted miko on the run. Their intentions align in more ways than one, but secrets abound between them as they partner up during their travels. With an inevitable and impending betrayal looming over them, the pressure rises with every day they spend moving closer to the enemy’s clutches.

--

A Private Affair by JeremyMarsh (T)

Summary:  During a simple patrol operation, Inuyasha, a general in a war between demons and humans that has been going on for two years now, goes all the way across enemy territory to reach the village where his betrothed lived before the conflict broke out. Here he is discovered by her younger sister who intentionally reveals something to him that she shouldn't have.

Shocked, Inuyasha decides to embark on a new and dangerous mission that could cost him his life or worse.

--

Koi no Yokan by @keichanz (E)

Summary: Koi no Yokan: The feeling when you meet someone that you’re bound to fall in love.

A prince discovering a deeper meaning to seemingly random hordes of bloodthirsty demons. A young woman unwillingly sold to a brothel by uncaring relatives, frightened and alone. How could these two circumstances possibly be related?

We are also including the works Anisa mentioned in the ask for those who are unfamiliar

Out of the Woods by @dyaz-stories

Summary: After the murder of Kikyo, the local priestess, the villagers start leaving offerings to the forest's god, who they think they've angered. Kagome, called to the village to replace her cousin, finds out, too late, just how far they're willing to go when they use her as the month's sacrifice. She decides not to go down without a fight — except that, instead of an angry god, she finds herself faced with a hungry half-demon, who's very annoyed he won't be getting a food offering for the month. “What the fuck are you doing here? Where’s my food?” “Oh I’m sorry, am I not a sacrifice satisfying enough?” 

--

Kinstugi by @soliska

Summary: AU. Failing to be chosen as her village's miko, Kagome had resigned herself to a humble life. An unexpected summons returns her to the city where she's forced to reconcile the taught virtues and the spiralling, warped reality created by those that abuse their power. She holds the key to repairing the fracture between humans and youkai, and the freedom of her new hanyou friend.

--

If We Fall Anyway by @soliska

Summary: What if the shikon jewel didn’t exist and Naraku never came to be? What if Kagome fell down the well anyway and met a gruff, young inu-hanyou. Would they still become friends? What would be their story? A tale told in snippets. 

[tanoraqui]

So You Want to Marry Jin Rulan of LanlingJin: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story That I Am Unlikely to Write More Of (Sorry).

(set in an everybody-lives au)

1. [some setup describing the current state of politics and how Jin Rulan, just-turned-eighteen heir to LanlingJin, is the handsome, wealthy, cultivationally skilled, kinda pissy but everything else makes up it it, most eligible bachelor in the cultivation world, and any maiden (and quite a few men, but that's not how you keep a dynasty going) would be honored and delighted to marry him]

Seriously though, why are you here?

You genuinely love Jin Ling and want to marry him! Is that so hard to believe? [GO TO 5]

You genuinely love LanlingJin's money and power and want it for your own as (the future) Madam Jin! [GO TO 5]

You don't really want to marry Jin Rulan - maybe you're not even sure you want to marry at all - but your family requires this of you, for their betterment and yours, so for duty and honor you'll do it [GO TO 5]

You're a professional assassin and you just need to get close enough to slide in the knife [GO TO 2]

2. You wake up in your bedroom with a garrote around your throat.

"It's good to meet you at last," says the man holding the guqin string just loose enough that you haven't passed out or bled to death yet, just tight enough that this choice is clearly up to him. "I've heard impressive things about your work. It's a pity that we wouldn't meet under more polite circumstances, but as I'm sure you've figured out, you will not be stepping foot in Carp Tower." He smiles; you can just barely make out charming dimples in the faint moonlight from the window. "However, my sister-in-law, on whom I, like any sane man, dote, has recently asked me to kill fewer people, even when they truly deserve it. Given your current employment, I think that even she would agree that death is your only just due..." He tightens the string a little further, smiling wider as you choke for breath, and then loosens it again (just a little).

"...But I do like to keep these messy affairs off her desk. So, alternatively: how would you like to be hired on retainer?"

Retainer sounds great. [GO TO 3]

You'd rather die than betray your professional assassin's honor like that! [GO TO 4]

3. Congratulations! You're hired, but also no longer part of this story. GO TO 1 TO RESTART.

4. Congratulations! You do exactly that. They never find the body. GO TO 1 TO RESTART.

5. You're escorted into Carp Tower for an introductory tea with your could-be fiancé. First Disciple Jin Guangyao, the sect leader's brother, greets you at the door with a smile. You understand that he had a hand in arranging this introduction, so you are extra polite and grateful.

He escorts you to the tea room, where you find Jin Rulan and - briefly - his parents. Sect Leader Jin is stiff and offers you little more than a passing greeting before he leaves on sect business; Madam Jin is very welcoming, though you can sense the maternal-in-law judgement lurking beneath. Jin Rulan himself is somewhat grumpy, but you recognize that it's nerves more than anything, plus the indignity of the chaperoned courting process, and forgive whatever minor insult he inevitably gives.

Eventually, the adults all leave, save a servant in the corner and a disciple lingering as chaperone just outside the open door. Also staying is Jin Rulan's dog, whom you dutifully (perhaps even eagerly?) pat and praise. He seems much more comfortable talking about the dog than about either himself or you, save for some matter-of-course boasts about his recent night hunts. Okay, several boasts about his recent night hunts.

He is increasingly fidgetty. You're a little concerned - is he impatient to leave? Are you not performing well? However, as the tea comes to a close, he admits with bright red ears that he "thinks you're alright"...but if you're going to continue this courtship, he is SO sorry, but you're going to have to defeat or at least survive all 7 of his evil obnoxious uncles.

"Don't you have 8 uncles?" you ask.

"Yes, but Jin Guangyao is mostly just nice," he explains. "And does boring admin stuff for my dad. It's all the others..." He grimaces. "Well, you'll meet them. Normally Mom keeps them from being too annoying and interfering in my life, but I think she thinks this is funny or something."

You sip your tea and murmur something sympathetic, but inside you nod to yourself. You knew there was a judgmental mother-in-law-to-be in there somewhere.

Do you accept this challenge?

Yes [GO TO 6]

No [LEAVE, YOU WEENIE]

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 2

Childbirth scenes are always fun right?

I'm guessing this is the Dukes mother.

Oh he's one of those 'give me a son' types.

Yep they the Dukes parents.

Lady Danbury laying down the law wherever she goes....y'all gonna let her see her friend!

His mother died in childbirth.....fucking hell.

At least he got a son, I guess.

Simon ......... Bassett

Sad, pensive Simon....still hot.

The queen needs all the tea!

Who's that your Grace? Tis not Daphne. You better go promenade mf!

Violet and Danbury still plotting.....

"Only five minutes alone with you in a drawing room...." Jesus! Honey she felt that....and he knew he flexed a lil too hard on that one. But fuck me, it was hot!

Yes Eloise, you're a Jo March. We fucking get it. Womaning is hard and societal expectations are bullshit. They really laid it on thick with her and I hope she becomes a bit more multidimensional.

Hold up. These poor girls don't even know where babies come from. Oh the chastity of it all.

Not that Penelope out here telling Marinas business low key.

Damn....her non-hoe brothers are lightweight roasting her. Ya sis is a baddie! Get with it.

They really don't tell these women shit about sex. Lil brother out here trying to spill the tea though. VIOLET! TALK! TO! YOUR! DAUGHTERS!

Awe shit. Daphne got fans again.......oh and here comes creepy fucking Berbrooke.

Damn Anthony you really calling her disrespectful while you out here trying to sell her like cattle to Berbrooke. Fuck. Off.

Oh it's definitely immaturity. I can't keep on with Anthony's ass. Something has got to shake.

Oh, Violet....you want it to be the Duke.

Shirtless Duke! Yes, please.

"A great deal goes on in a mind as quick as mine." Gawd help me. Kick his ass Simon! Protect your situationship partner!

Poor baby Simon can't speak so well......oh and his daddy is EVIL evil.

Penelope trying to be friendly with the expectant. She needs answers. But DAMN! Even Marina won't explain sex. Somebody help these women. Love does not impregnate. I fucking can't.

The queen of shade appears bored by a lack of new tea.

Get your eggs Daphne!

Violet gets to have tea with the queen....so that means Daphne wears diamonds to tonight's ball. Okay.

Ok Queen Danbury. Get the Duke in line.

Aww Lady Danbury and little Simon! She's here to give that boy the love he deserves. Look at this Queen Fairy GODMOTHER! I just adore her. She really is the queen to me.

Danbury blocking Anthony's attempts at cockblocking is big energy. I want Ratafia now. Let me go Google what in the hell that is and where to find it.

I feel like that lil spin Simon did was a bit of improv, but I liked it.....and you can't tell me they weren't having a real life ball dancing together in that scene. That was legit laughter between friends. I'm here for it. They brought the energy in that dance.

Here goes Anthony's ass trying to fuck it up again. This time he wants middle brothers help. Middle brother just wants to chill, not dance with his sister, bro. I like middle brother. Yes I know his name is Benedict.

Simon shading Berbrooke is gold. Calling him the fuck out was even better.

Oh Anthony....took you long enough.

Daphne is not here to have her honor protected by ANY MAN. I love this bitch. Simon was just trying to help though.

Danbury planting her lil seeds. This is her world. We just wish we lived in it.

Simons going to take the air....ah walk home. Because nothing bad ever happens on a dark walk home.

This mf Berbrooke just will not stop. He gets more disgusting with each interaction, I swear. But what you're not gonna do, is keep disrespecting Daphne. The Duke out here growling at this mf.

Ooooh I love a good head butt!

I stan a fake couple who beat up the same perv.

Oh now this EVIL mf.

You trying to prove yourself. Poor baby.

Old dogs. New tricks. We all know the saying. That mf man is awful. I see some daddy issues coming to the story. That's probably why he stopped himself from completely pulverizing Berbrooke. He doesn't want to be cruel like his father.

Sad reflective Simon.....hiding his pain literally and figuratively.

Damn, Whistledown, Daphne does not want Berbrooke. Everybody knows that. Stop trying to make it a thing.

"It does not matter what the Duke thinks, Rose." Sure, Jan.

I'm sick of this basket weave haired bitch.

Oh Portia.

Penelope and Eloise still knowing nothing about sex is depressing.

Fuck off Anthony. Daphne is done with your fuckery...and she's calling you tf out. I'll say it again, Daphne is my bitch.

Heyyyyy Simon!

Oooof Daphne sees that bruised up hand. You really gonna lie and say boxing. Boy bye.

Oooooh the cuff-buttoning and banter with instense eye contact. KEEP FEEDING ME!

Oh here comes this mf Berbrooke. Duke, you're busted. Simon ready to throw hands again. This hoe ass mf is really trying to force a wedding.

Daphne really just gonna give up. Aw naw.

Violet, God bless you, but your vague ass speech does not help.

Ooooh smoking Eloise. I love a good vice.....oh and sibling bonding. This is nice.

I think Simon likes getting knocked around. There's something very masochistic about the way he seems to enjoy it. He's sad about Daphne having to marry Berbrooke and can't express that in the way he should or would like to....More on this later, I'm sure.

Violet and the queen.....and the queen likes nose play. Okay then.

Ohhhh the queen is basically telling Violet that Daphne better get things rolling with the Duke for the notoriety and popularity it would provide her family.

So why tf are you inviting Berbrookes raggedy ass mama over for tea? This bitch. You can definitely see why her son is so fucked up.

Kippers on Rye. No ma'am.

Ahhhh Violet was fishing for a scandal to stop the Berbrooke marriage. Makes sense.

Well, mission accomplished. No thanks to Anthony.

Violet stays at his neck though.

I really don't like Marina being all confined.

Sisterly bonding maybe? Daphne dropping knowledge and optimism on Eloise.

Well shit, deflate that balloon.

*In My Blood (Instrumental) plays*

Aaaand she's back on the arm of the Duke.

Their chemistry is mind blowing. Like they could melt my screen just looking at each other.

"Call me by my name" because 'Call me by your Name' could never.

Gawd the way he says her name. That's it. I want Daphne to be my name now.

The intimacy of that bruised hand on her bare shoulder - ICONIC.

Lady Danbury knows all and jealous Simon has entered the room.

Not his evil ass daddy again.

Oh fuck Simon. Why would you make a promise like that?! Thats OBVIOUSLY coming back around on you. Who tf are you really hurting in avowing never to marry or have children?!

But the "Speak, you fucking monster," was everything. Full circle.

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 2x5

It’s official everybody: love conquers all

Okay WOW I cannot believe this was the original Nancy Drew season finale and that I had to wait an additional eleven months to see this episode I am suing the coronavirus for emotional distress. Because let me tell you this was one of the best season finales I have seen in a WHILE. And once again the writers have swaddled me in a safety blank and assuaged all of my concerns. I was a little worried when they made Odette a wlw because then that meant a lesbian was hunting down the good guys and would have to be killed, but MORE THE FOOL WAS I. I should have learned by now not to doubt the Nancy Drew writers.

Every single plot thread was wrapped up and a whole host of new ones were set up and I cannot wait to dive into all of them.

First off I would like to say that everything about the scenes with the Aglaeca coming to kill them was perfection. The five-way phone call, the deathbed confessions, the soft French singing and ominous chain rattling. And then when she APPEARED on the hood of the car like Dead Lucy appeared to Nancy on top of her car to tell her to summon the Aglaeca aaaah parallels and Nick and George held each other. “oh where is she, where is she” SHE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! The fire leaping out at Bess, the meat hook cutting Ace, Nancy falling from the bluffs. And then the crew reconnects back at the Claw thinking all is well but OH NO WHAT’S THIS ANOTHER PORTENT.

Hey how is it the entire gang seems to have forgotten that they willingly volunteered for this whole Aglaeca mess. Like I get it, your lives are on the line, you’re scared, but Nancy was all “no I cannot let you guys summon the Aglaeca with me it’s far too dangerous absolutely not” and they were all “psh danger fuck danger we have the power of friendship” and went right on ahead. And now that they have to face actual consequences they’re all “Nancy I cannot believe you put a gun to our heads and forced us into this how dare you” like GUYS. But yeah that scene caused me pain, with them all yelling at each other. I do think it’s interesting that proverbial lines in the sand have been drawn. Generally speaking whenever there are massive disagreements I’ll be watching to see if it stays as George and Nick v Bess and Ace with Nancy as the sort of swing vote.

Also because I am a Drewson shipper until I die it was satisfying to see that Nick, despite being in love with George, still has unresolved feelings about what went down with him and Nancy. We love unresolved feelings, and once Nancy learns how to communicate and be more open they will find their way back to each other and be even more in love.

The writers continue their never ending tally of taking seemingly unimportant moments from past episodes and making them SO IMPORTANT. NANCY HAVING THE PORTENT IN RYAN’S CAR??? *SCREEEEAAAAAAMS* And then speaking of the car. Oh my god you guys. Ryan and Carson the dad duo was peak comedy. I was legit dying. On the topic of parental figures

Hannah Gruen: Nancy no!

Nancy Drew: Nancy yes!

BABE. SHE LITERALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO OPEN THE DEATH BOXES AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN WAIT LIKE SIX HOURS BEFORE BLATANTLY DISOBEYING.

I know some people who watched the episode are probably going to be like “are you kidding me they beat the angry sea spirit with the power of love? Ugh pathetic” but no actually you’re wrong and it was BEAUTIFUL. Not just the concept but the execution. The lights going out one by one, the Aglaeca popping up and screaming, throwing them across the room one at a time, the words having to come from the heart, Nick speaking French he can speak French to me all day long, the Aglaeca melting and Odette rising once more. BRUH.

And then of course the blood bucket curse came to fruition and George fucking died and I was losing my mind only for Nancy to fucking revive her because THAT won't have consequences. And George talking about her sisters was so sweet I thought it might give me a cavity, and her with them in the morning. Quick question though. We know Victoria is around because she gave them the inhuman sea spirit banishing ritual like five days ago, soooo where is she now? Like George is about to die and she hardly gives her mom a spare thought aside from making sure Jessie will be able to take care of their sisters. Nancy had a fucking beautiful moment of reconciliation with Carson, couldn’t George have at least exchanged some kind words with her own mother?

Moving ahead we have sooo many plot lines to talk about I can’t wait.

The Bobbsey twins are coming back. Don’t know how I feel about that yet.

We have Ace with the sibling in Witsec. Now I know like the entire fandom wants Ace to be a Hardy brother, but here’s the thing. Ace has apparently never met this person and his dad doesn’t have any of that tortured ‘I’m-missing-my-child’ vibe going on, so I’m thinking maybe it’s Ace’s half-sibling. Like he’s half a Hardy. Cause also why would just the one kid go into Witsec and not the whole family? Maybe his mom had a baby as a teenager and gave them up for adoption, maybe his dad had an affair and didn’t realize it ended up as a pregnancy. Who’s to say???

We have Nick and Ryan (and possibly Nancy) taking down the Hudson empire. Nick is going to commit to honoring Tiffany’s dying wish and with Ryan as his man on the inside, he can hopefully actually do it. Nancy will probably also have a role in this storyline, because as evidenced by Ryan taking the flash drive she’s going to be the driving force behind Ryan listening to his conscience. And then of course we will have Nancy’s whole my-DNA-is-evil struggle, and her wanting to prove she’s not a bad person. Separate from the Hudsons (potentially) Nancy will also be working for her father this season as he regrows his law practice, and it will be so nice to see them finally have a good relationship again.

We have The Possession of George 2: Electric Boogaloo. This possession, if that’s even what it is, is very clearly different from the last one with Tiffany. George is still in control, and she’s not switching back and forth between herself and Tiffany like last time, she just has some new personality traits or whatever. The next episode summary includes Nick being concerned about George’s behavior, so I’m guessing some of the changes will be pretty obvious. But it probably isn’t something that’ll be fixed right away it’ll take a while. And I also don’t think Odette possessed her on purpose? Like she had given up the Aglaeca and seemed ready to move on, and then we see her in the mirror. Maybe there’s something she has to do regarding her girlfriend, like she has to find the Englishwoman’s ghost? Because the public story is Odette got married on the ship and died, what if her lady love thinks Odette forsook her or something and Odette wants to make it right? Last but not least I have said it before I’m saying it again I want George to develop psychic powers like her mother. Come on writers she’s not even cousins with Bess at least give me this.

Bess is going to try and stop stealing and some other stuff I’m sure and maybe learn about Marvin family skeletons and hopefully start dating Amaya??? Pleeeease???

We still have no idea what Det. Tamura’s purpose here is and I for one continue to want McGinnis back.

And then of course we have like fifty million horrors that Nancy just unwittingly unleashed on the previously sleepy town of Horseshoe Bay, and I absolutely cannot wait to see where that goes.

Hmm yeah that seems just about everything, except for I feel like there’s something I’m missing, something I'm forgetting, something important that’s slipped my mind. Oh, that’s right.

WRITERS.

WHERE THE FUCK IS LUCY SABLE.

[hinasaki]

okay i finished arise so here are some thoughts:

(non-spoiler thoughts first, spoilers below the cut)

combat is very fun. everybody is fun to play as. i am bad at game but i still had a ton of fun trying everyone out in the arena

boost artes and strikes are good and useful. mystic artes are real easy to trigger, even advanced ones. i’ve triggered some of the advanced ones by accident, that’s how easy they are

i was dubious about the skit style change at first but i got used to it, and it’s fine.

camping is good and i loved the little scenes you could get between party members

the world is gorgeous. the painting style they went with really just looks amazing.

okay, spoiler time

some specific thoughts on characters first:

alphen: he’s fine. i’ve been spoiled by velvet in all honesty because i love a protag who isn’t all Good and alphen is definitely Good. they did a good job keeping the mystery of his past going and he has a lot of very nice interactions with other party members. he’s fine.

shionne: my wife is a bitch and i like her so much. shionne has a good arc and the way her relationships with each of the party members grows feels really natural. saw the reveal about her thorns coming a mile away but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. i care her and want her to be happy. I especially like her very cute friendship with rinwell

rinwell: baby. rinwell also has a really good arc! the way her opinion on renans changes over the course of the story feels very natural - she doesn’t immediately stop hating renans after meeting shionne and dohalim and even after she grows to love them she still occasionally slips up. she’s good. i like her

law: baby #2. most of law’s story is front-loaded which had him feeling a bit detached as far as the story went in the later chapters but i still very much enjoyed having him around. he’s a sweet idiot. he’s absolutely a teenager.

dohalim: i love him. consistently good interactions with other party members, he has very good scenes with alphen, shionne, and rinwell. i was VERY pleased that he got a lot of focus during the lenegis part of the game. i loved his arc of learning to cope with his guilt and growing from a Ruler into a Leader.

kisara: i wanted to like kisara. i really did. i tried. i kept hoping for a magilou moment (aka a single moment late in the game where everything crystallised and i fell in love with them) but it never came. and i’m sad about that because there are some genuinely cool things about her! there are good bones! she has some really nice interactions with alphen! unfortunately a lot of her scenes end up being either her talking about her brother or her trying to mother everyone and i am just.... not here for that

overall i liked the party. they’re not my fave but i did like almost everyone quite a bit. i felt like their evolution from working together out of necessity to found family way very well done. it was natural. i keep saying “natural” because the arcs really did feel that way. they flowed nicely and almost never felt forced or hurried. it was nice!

now, because this game has basically attempted to pair up all of the party members.... the ship opinions....

alphen/shionne: holy shit tales did a het ship that didn’t feel forced! their relationship flows very nicely and they grow closer slowly over the course of the game. i don’t feel like it’s a luke/tear tier canon ship but it’s good. Them getting married in the end credits was very cute

law/rinwell: very very cute. not entirely sold on rinwell’s feelings but that’s fine, it reads pretty much entirely like law has a crush and has decided that saving the world isn’t really the time to bring that up. it’s cute.

dohalim/kisara: bad. bad. bad. i’m glad it’s just tease because i can pretend it’s not happening. they have some really good platonic moments! they have a nice dynamic as people learning to be equals! it’s extremely uncomfortable to throw romance into that mix! and i feel like it was a *huge* disservice to kisara for the writing to push her into this ship. it just felt bad. not to mention this alongside the haha she’s like his mum jokes just ughghghhghghghghgghhg NO.

as far as the plot goes, it was pretty good. we had a clear goal from the beginning which is always appreciated, only to have the rug pulled out from under us at the end in usual tales fashion. i saw somewhere someone said it had a plot structure sort of like legendia and LMAO TRUE with the one month time skip. the game as a whole reminded me quite a bit of tales of rebirth funnily enough - similar plot structure, themes regarding race dynamics, some nebulous force being the cause of a lot of suffering... it’s a tales plot. it’s not particularly groundbreaking but the characters really carried it and made it compelling. also i just loved the design of the final dungeon. the thorns are Aesthetic.

The main problems I had with the game were the amount of spelling mistakes in the subtitles, or where the subtitles didn't match the dialogue. It's most noticeable with the battle lines but happened in other places too. I didn't have a problem with CP because I kept an eye on it and I was playing easy mode but i can see it being more than a little bit of a pain. Like. Why? And also, just as a side note, did they ever mention how shionne got to dahna? Because I might have just missed it but HOW DID SHE GET HERE? did she come down for the crown contest and just chill for seven years? Did she steal a starship and come down by herself - in which case what happened to her ship that we couldn't use it to get to lenegis? This feels like an important piece of information that we just.... never find out.

speaking of reminding me of other tales: oh boy! there were a lot of times i felt reminded of older titles, which made me real glad i’ve played almost all of them now. i talked about legendia and rebirth vibes above but also MASSIVE graces nostalgia what with going to space. i know twin worlds could be referencing a number of games too but the specific dahna/lenegis/rena structure reminded me a lot of eternia with inferia/orbus barrier/celestia and it was just nice. i can’t remember where? maybe pelegion? but the general aesthetic gave me big xillia vibes. i’m not sure how many of these were deliberately intended to invoke nostalgia but i’m glad for it - it really felt like a love letter to older titles (like zesty was supposed to be) while also clearly moving towards a new future for the series.

I'm not sure how I felt about there not being much of a primary antagonist. I guess it helped push the theme of forgiveness because really how can you blame a sentient planet for everything wrong with the world when it has no concept of human morality. I guess it's just my personal preference since I prefer the conflict to be a clash of ideals or wills (again, I'm spoiled by berseria). The sidequest where you get tiny little bits about the lords felt tacked on too. The lords largely felt cartoonishly evil but I guess that's probably so we don't feel bad killing them lmao. Vholran needed a whole lot more build-up IMO as a foil to alphen because he ended up feeling like he was just... there. There wasn't much to him. I wanted to know more about why he was the way he was but I guess we'll just never know.

overall i wouldn’t say arise is one of my favourite games but it was definitely an enjoyable experience! i’d absolutely recommend playing it yourself if you get the chance!

[princessmadafu]

37 bleedin’ pages!

I have condensed them for you and left out most of the bits that the nasty evil British Press have already covered. Feel free to skip any boring bits.

Dax Shepard: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert's Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

Monica Padman: Hi.

[...]

There follows some heavy marketing of towels and stuff...

DS: Now please enjoy Prince Harry. We are supported by Brookelinen. My favourite hotel quality sheets to get into and writhe around in the nude. [...] They're impeccable. They're decadent, they're soft, they're absorbent. Brookelinen was started to create beautiful high quality home essentials that don't cost an arm and a leg. They're so confident in their product, they come with a 365 day warranty. So give yourself that comfort refresh you deserve and get it for less. Go to Brookelinen.com and use promo code 'expert' to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com and enter promo code 'expert' for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com, promo code 'expert'.

Pretty ironic really, as Harry wades into fake news and how advertising algorithms are ruining us...

DS:...It's like the algorithms on the internet. You can't compete with that, a human.

PH: You can't if you have the awareness of what it's doing to you. And the fact that it's learning, which is scary. And advertising has been going on for hundreds of years, but done really responsibly. The difference here is targeted ads. If ads have always worked for companies, you can put on the TV, you can walk away, you can come back, your involvement is switching on switching off or changing the channel. Whereas now with algorithms is there, it's just feeding your habits. And it's also reading through your emails and everything else. So it's getting to know you, like, it gets to know the decisions you're gonna make before you make them, then it creates this echo chamber of no pushback, of no context of nothing. It's just perpetuating and feeding the bias and the habits that you already have inside of you, which is terrible.[...]

Harry needs to learn about AdBlock and Ghostery and VPNs and Tor and DuckDuckGo and Smartpage and all the other clever little ways the computer-literate have of ridding their lives of unwanted advertising. I haven't seen an ad in years. The only person feeding my habits is me. It’s called personal responsibility. Maybe Harry still needs a Nanny but most grown-ups don’t. Oh wait, I forgot, the “Meghan&Harry Show” fans are all kids.

PH: [...] It's a computer. It's like, who wrote the algorithms? You guys did? Probably all male and all white.

Oooh, let's be sexist and racist, Harry! Did you ever hear of these women or are they too scary?

https://biztechmagazine.com/article/2012/05/mothers-technology-10-women-who-invented-and-innovated-tech

Then they discuss Naked Vegas (this guy Dax has a thing about nudity) and Harry in Afghanistan. And discuss a calendar of naked men that DS and MP put together - their favourite male bodies. What a good job it's only gloating over naked male bodies and not naked female bodies. It's apparently acceptable, for some reason. Harry doesn't know who the guys are.

DS: Monica makes this for me every year and it's a calendar of all my favourite bodies of friends.

MP: And they're all men.

DS: They're all men.

MP: And they're all gorgeous bodies.

[...]

And is Harry nervous talking about mental health? He shouldn't be, he's been banging on about it for years.

PH: Yeah. Was I nervous? No. Not so much nervous. But I guess on this particular subject around mental health. Yeah. For me, it's always a, unfortunately, today's world is quite a sensitive subject, not just for the people who are sharing. But ultimately, the subject matter itself has to be handled with care. [...] It ends up getting weaponized by certain people.

Weaponised by certain people? Like him and Markle, for instance. Neither of 'em has any talent so they weaponise their mental health. Big big mental health bombs loaded with word salad to lob at their own families and cause huge distress. Not nice, Harry.

PH: That's how I've always felt when it comes to projection. I mean, hatred is a form of projection, right? [...] We're not born to hate people. So it manifests itself over a period of time. And of course, it can come from unresolved pain, or being hurt continually, as a young kid or through adult life. But ultimately, there's a source to it. There's a reason why you want to hate somebody else.

Like his dad, his brother...

PH: And actually have some compassion for them. Which is really hard when you're on the receiving end of this, like, just vile, toxic abuse. But the reality is, is you say, flip it. [...] Every single one of us wherever we are, wherever we come from, there will always try and find some way to be able to mask the actual feeling and be able to try and make us feel different to how we are actually feeling, perhaps having a feeling. Right, because so many people are just numb to it. That was a huge part of the beginning of my life, which was like, I rejected. I said, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

And now he's moved on to promoting his new mental health stuff with Oprah, The Me You Can't See...

PH: So if you are making that conscious decision to say: You know what, it's not self serving, but I want to share my story. I'm being asked to share my story to hopefully help someone or loads of other people. I'm probably going to get trolled. I'm probably going to get attacked by the same people that were doing anyway. If I'm willing to make that decision, surely that comes from a place of courage rather than weakness?

Or possibly naivety. Harry is only wanted for his money-making title and royal status; he has no mental health qualifications, he's not a mental health professional, he's not an expert, all he brings to the table is the glamour of being a prince of the BRF. Which he quite clearly hates. Markle is lining her pockets from their self-indulgent mental health whinge fest and he's too dim to see it. There follows the bit about the spectrum of upbringing that the press is covering nicely so I can skip the next few pages - the bits where Harry says he doesn't see that talking about his own issues is complaining, and “it's the job, right”, how he never wanted the job of being royal, and his therapy and how “massively self-critical” he is (yet still can't see that he's not being honest with himself), ooh and sharing his hatred of the British press - that's a good bit, let's skip to page 18:

PH I think the biggest issue for me was that being born into it, you inherit the risk, you inherit the risk that comes with it, you inherit every element of it without choice. And because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally like a full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their, well, most of the readers, that that is the case. But I think it's a really dangerous place to be if you don't have a choice, but then, of course, then people quite rightly will turn around and go. So what if you didn't have a choice? It was privilege? [...] Page Six of the New York Post, they took pictures of my son being picked up from school on his first day [...] But I guess my point is the way that I look at it, especially now living here one hour outside LA. Like it's a feeding frenzy here. We spent the first three and a half months living at Tyler Perry's house. You let us stay. And the helicopter helicopters, the drones the paparazzi cutting the fence like it was madness. And people out there -Their response was, Well, what do you expect if you live in LA? It's like, Okay, well, first of all, we didn't mean to live in LA. This is like a staging area before we try and find a house. And secondly, how sad that if you live in LA and you're well known figure, you just have to accept it. The first security we had, I said, Well, where's the safest place? Inside. Just because I'm a well known person, you can't go outside anymore. [...] it's really, really sad. And of course, their argument is - the paparazzi and everybody else - is like all if you're in the public space, then it's absolutely fine for us to do it. So what is our human right as an individual and as a family, you're saying that if the moment we step foot out of our house, that it's open season and free game? What? Because of public interest?. There's no public interest in you taking your kids for a walk down the beach. Nothing...

And on and on it goes... He should've stayed in the UK then. The Cambridges are managing very nicely, thank you. They take their kids for walks on the beach, and we'd never seen them until they released their anniversary video the other week. Harry's clearly envious of William; Harry's mad wife is vitriolically envious of Catherine. Oh and I’m pretty sure it’s the mad wife who keeps phoning her go-to paps when she needs to be in the news again.

PH: [...] I believe we live in an age now where you've got certain elements of the media redefining to us what privacy means. There's a massive conflict of interest. And then you've got social media platforms, trying to redefine what free speech means. Why - I wonder why you're doing that. And again - so this has been happening for 15 years now. And we're living in this world where we've almost like all the laws have been completely flipped by the very people that need them flipped so they can make more money and they can capitalise off our pain, grief, and this sort of general self destructive mode that's happening at the moment [...]

He doesn't get how hypocritical this is, does he? The Markles are the ones capitalising on their grief, pain and the rest of it. And no-one would be interested in them without the royal bits because they have nothing else to offer. Failed actress and used-to-be-a-soldier wrapped up in festering bitterness.

Blah, blah... went shopping in a supermarket... saw lots of chewing gum... blah, blah... Archie on the back of his bicycle... girls want to be princesses... You don't need to be a princess, you can create the life that will be better than any princess or it's something along those lines... she said she expected [the press] to be fair... Pages and pages of how he hates the British press...

PH: [...] And especially when you can't defend yourself so yes, I think when you marry into it, especially when it's one Princess Diana's sons there is a certain amount of 'okay what I'm actually letting myself in for?' But very few people actually know - apart from the Brits - how toxic that element of the of the UK press is.[...]

We're up to page 24 now, if you're still with me. Oh here it is, Harry's unconscious bias... What’s the betting the mad wife has scripted this bit for him?

PH: [...] So going back to the whole sort of travelling around the Commonwealth, I thought I knew, right, having been able to travel that much and meet so many and such a diverse group of people. I thought I understood life. Especially bearing in mind most of the countries I was going to were, most of the communities are going to were people of colour. But then I was really shocked once I started doing therapy. And that bubble was burst. And I started doing my own work, really - a lot of work - and started to uncover and understand more about unconscious bias. And I was like, wow, I thought since I screwed up when I was younger, and then did the work. I thought I then knew. But I didn't. And I still don't fully know. It's like a constant working progress. And every single one of us has it. [...] Everyone has biases, of all sorts. But I think it's a really important point, especially now, after everything's happened in the last year and a half, like the world is changing, the younger generation are driving it. And you've got to like a multi-racial, cultural sort of movement happening, which has never happened before. But unconscious bias is the way that I understand it, is, again, it's not something that's wrong with you. Right? And you don't have to be defensive about it. That's the thing. No one's blaming you. But the moment that you acknowledge that you do have unconscious bias, what are you going to do about it? Because if you choose to do nothing you're continuing to fuel the problem, which means that you're then heading towards racism. Whereas unconscious bias is actually something that is inherent, unfortunately, in every single one of us. But that it is possible to educate yourself to be more aware of the problems and therefore be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Markle's got him well-trained on this one, hasn't she. I wonder if he's read anything critical of the unconscious bias movement, or just repeating what he's been told to. Oh and then he goes off about being in the army...

PH: I loved it. I love wearing the same uniform as everybody else. I love being treated the same. I love the expectation of if you want to get that job, or you want that promotion, or you want to finish this race, it's all on you. There's no special treatment, you're not going to get any help. If anything, you're probably going to get treated the opposite because everyone thinks that you've had an easy life. And everyone's always helped you get to where you are.

But...but...but, Harry wasn't treated the same, there was special treatment, he was helped to get to where he was. He scraped a couple of poor quality A Levels and got admitted to Sandhurst because he's a prince. Good old Wikipedia says:

In June 2003, Harry completed his education at Eton with two A-Levels,[22] achieving a grade B in art and D in geography, having decided to drop history of art after AS level.[23] He has been described as "a top tier athlete", having played competitive polo and rugby union.[24] One of Harry's former teachers, Sarah Forsyth, has asserted that Harry was a "weak student" and that staff at Eton conspired to help him cheat on examinations.[25][26] Both Eton and Harry denied the claims.[25][27] While a tribunal made no ruling on the cheating claim, it "accepted the prince had received help in preparing his A-level 'expressive' project, which he needed to pass to secure his place at Sandhurst."[25][28]

PH: And then suddenly, like - while I was at school, I hated exams. And I promised myself I'd never do exams again. Then I joined the army of which is full of exams. I still promised myself I'm never gonna do it and then I end up flying Apache [...]

Gods, it's getting boring. Even the interviewers are zoning out. Still ten pages to go. Wish I hadn't started this, I could be out weeding. Weather's nice, not too windy... Do I deserve a quick G&T yet?

PH: Or worse, was they turn around and say, right, because last week, you're out the front. This week, you got to carry his bergan, I'm like - what, 30 extra pounds? Nooo. But it was, it was the most normalising experience or job that I could have ever hoped for. And then going to Afghanistan twice [...] And someone said to me very recently, from the moment that you're born into today's world, life is trauma, so the sooner that we actually acknowledge that but but [...]

A-a-a-a-and he's back on the mental health thing, PTSD or PTSI,

PH: Post Traumatic Stress Injury is like: Well, that makes sense, because I just saw my mate get blown out. But the other piece of this is, what we need to remember is, the lot of the recruiting that we do in the UK, comes from certain cities and certain homes, where there's childhood trauma. So what we collectively have already got inside of us, the trigger of seeing something happen in Iraq, Afghanistan can be the trigger. So everyone goes: Oh, it's because they were on operations, and because they saw their makeup blown up. It's like, no. [...] So that's what I've been working on for years, for the last five years, which is like, and it started in therapy of like, I don't want to lose this thing, because I think it's, I feel so connected to my mum. [...]

They move on to parenting, which the press is rubbing its hands over... Harry blaming everyone but himself and his saintly mother - Charles, HMTQ, PP... "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad". But not the mum bit. He can't push his mum off her pedestal.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse if you don't know Larkin's poetry. How much more? Nearly there. Monica loves The Crown and doesn't realise it's fictitious.

DS: [...]Well, Harry, I've really really liked talking to you. You're very charming. You're very intelligent. You're handsome, and I can't wait to see your torso.

MP: Thank you so much for coming.

DS: So I just want to remind everyone that May 21 on Apple Plus, you should check out Oprah and Prince Harry's 'The Me You Can't See'. I have to imagine it's similar to her book, which I just read, which is absolutely incredible 'What happened to you?' So everyone should check out 'The me you can't see' on Apple plus May 21.

And still Harry won't shut up... Shut up, shut up. Cut his mic. You don't have to read this last bit, they've already wound up the interview...He still won’t shut up.

PH: Yeah, we're moving from the physical to the emotional, right, physically. At the beginning of this pandemic, people were panicking. And there was that fight or flight like, ahh what do we do like lockdown, survival? Yeah. And now that the vaccines have been sort of, we're getting to the point where more and more people are being vaccinated, we're now in the emotional phase of what I read in the New York Times article was called languishing, which is really interesting. It's like the is the middle child between flourishing and depression. You just feel flat, and it's not depressed. It's definitely not flourishing. You lack the energy and the will, the motivation, all that kind of stuff. Because you're kind of sitting there going - Well, what happens next? And I think it's really important that we talk about languishing. And it was coined by someone I can't remember who but I think it was the journalist who wrote the story was Adam Grant. No, he didn't come up with it. Someone else came up with him, he wrote this, the most amazing article about languishing and the fact that how important it is to be able to talk about it because - look when it comes to mental health, we need to realise and accept that every single one of us have mental health. There's varying degrees, as we said, you've got the mental illness, and then you've got the sort of the awareness and the work that you can put in, like, Where do you want to be that we shouldn't just sit there and go: Oh, mental illness is once we are literally on the floor crawling around in the foetal position needing help. But for me, I don't think I need therapy anymore. But I wanted. And when I say therapy, I mean, actual therapy, sitting down having a discussion with someone. But I also mean like, nature, like going for walks, like throwing the ball for my dog down the beach and stuff like that. There are certain things around the world that are free, some you have to pay for, but ultimately go searching for the things that make you feel good about yourself. Like that's the key to life, get rid of the bad stuff, get rid of the hate, and just focus on the good. And your whole life turns around from that. I hate this idea. And I was one of them. I fell for it. Right? I didn't acknowledge that clearly what happened to me when I was 12 years old, losing my mom and all the other pieces that happened, the traumatic experiences that happened to me since then, I didn't acknowledge them, when perhaps - maybe I need to deal with this because if I don't, how the hell am I going to be a decent father to my son and my daughter? Like that awareness, I didn't have then. But again, we've got what - 40 experts as part of this series, and the Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, she's absolutely fantastic. And she was talking about this concept of mental health being sort of public health, right. Because the services are so limited. There's not enough money. The problem is actually immense. How can we all help each other rather than this: 'Oh, once I'm broken, or once I'm suffering, I have to go here.' And there's not enough rooms or spaces for the amount of people or the for the need, when actually you can get ahead of it, and work on the prevention by sharing and being more vulnerable with each other, and being able to process this grief or this loss, or this trauma that every single one of us have experienced and will experience. So anyone who's sitting there going: 'I don't have a problem, and I never will have a problem.' Well, you probably are already contributing to the problem, because you probably got your blinkers on, you probably created your own echo chambers. So I think it's a that, that's certainly what I've experienced for my own process, my own journey, my family and my friends and everybody else is. Anyone who thinks, oh, we're fine. You're the one who's like, willing to talk about it. It's like, yeah, I'm willing to talk about it and talking about it. And the financial element as well. We're pouring money into on the downsteam, when it's like, Can we just focus upstream? Yeah, we focus on one thing, like to me listen to Oprah was what was one of the reasons that this whole thing started was two of the biggest issues that we're facing in today's world, I think, is the climate crisis, and mental health. And they're both intrinsically linked. Basically if we neglect our collective wellbeing, then we're screwed. Basically, because we can't look after ourselves. We can't look after each other. We can't look after each other, we can't look after this home that we all inhabit. So it's all part of the same thing.

DS: Prince Harry, I don't say this lightly. I love you. Thanks for coming. This was great.

M: Thank you so much.

PH: Thank you very much.

Wish I'd done my weeding.

[padawanlost]

I love Anakin but sometimes I feel like I’m too dumb to understand the complexities of his character lol. One thing I was thinking about is how Anakin is clearly disenfranchised with the Republic (like how he says the system doesn’t work in AOTC). So how come he stresses how important his loyalty is to the Republic in ROTS, (like how when Padmé suggests the republic is corrupt he immediately retaliates and says she sounds like a separatist)?

You’re not dumb, anon. I promise you. Anakin’s story is complicated because it’s spread over decades of content. There was only so much they could explore in the movies and not everything translate well to the scream. Inner monologues sometimes are better left for the pages. And that’s exactly where that part of Anakin is explore. 

When the war was over he’d go back to Tatooine and see. When the war was over he’d buy any child he found enslaved to Watto and find them a home where they might live and love in safety. Belonging to no one but themselves. I should have done it before now. Wasn’t that my other childhood dream? Become a Jedi and free the slaves. Instead I became a Jedi and let myself forget. Let them convince me that it’s not our job to remake the Republic. The Jedi were keepers of the peace, not legal enforcers. That was the Senate’s job. How many times had he been told that? He’d lost count. But the Senate was falling down on the job, wasn’t it? What was the use of having anti-slavery laws if the barves who broke them never paid for their crimes? It was enough to shake his hard-won and harder-kept faith. If scum like Watto and Jabba and the other Hutts kept on making their fat profits on the backs of living property—and if the Senate continued to turn a blind eye—how could anyone believe in the Republic? How could he? Padmé says she understands, but she hasn’t pushed for a Senate hearing. And Palpatine—he’s promised he’ll tackle the problem but nothing’s been done. It’s too political. Too corrupt. Too complicated. There are credits in slavery—and credits trump justice. Always have. Always will. And the Jedi? They didn’t want to get involved. Even Qui-Gon …[Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Anakin is loyal to the Republic because he’s an extremely loyal person and because that’s what he was taught for over 10 years of his life. He was rescued from slavery by the Jedi, the great, heroic protectors of the Republic and, as a kid who dreamed about becoming a Jedi, of course he would want to do the same. Anakin also daydreamed about saving people, as a Jedi, and part of him associated the three. In his mind being part of the Jedi Order = being part of the Republic = saving people. 

But Anakin wasn’t a blind loyalist, as evidenced in AOTC. Anakin is fully aware the Republic is broken and people are suffering for it but, after years of being told there was nothing he could, he kind of resigned himself to the fact and accepted the Republic was ‘the best they got’. 

At the same time, because he was so loyal to people around him, he couldn’t accept the Republic was broken because then what was he fighting for? He needed to justify all the suffering around him and he chose to believe the was fighting a righteous cause. That’s why he reacted so badly to Padme´s words:

“What if the democracy we’re fighting for no longer exists? What if the Republic itself has become the very evil we’ve been fighting to destroy?” “Oh, this again.” Anakin irritably waved off her words. “I’ve been hearing that garbage ever since Geonosis. I never thought I’d hear it from you.” “A few seconds ago you were saying almost the same thing!” “Where would the Republic be without Palpatine?” “I don’t know,” she said. “But I’m not sure it would be worse than where we are.” All the danger, all the suffering, all the killing, all my friends who gave their lives—? All for nothing—? [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Anakin wasn’t fighting out loyalty for the Republic, he was in it for his friends, for Obi-wan, for Ahsoka, for the clones and for the innocents he always wanted to save. 

It was okay; they’d always told him so. He was fighting to save his men, and if he did terrible things out of compassion, out of love, then he wasn’t turning to the dark side. That was the Jedi way. For my mother. For my men. For Padmé. [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

Anakin tightened his belt and felt for his lightsaber. They had to pull this off. His feelings about Hutts didn’t matter. It wasn’t about the kid; it was about his men, the Grand Army, about getting the war won and over with. He focused on that. The troopers were now lined up at both hatches. [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

“For Anakin,” Obi-Wan said at length, “there is nothing more important than friendship. He is the most loyal man I have ever met—loyal beyond reason, in fact. Despite all I have tried to teach him about the sacrifices that are the heart of being a Jedi, he—he will never, I think, truly understand.” […] Obi-Wan guessed they were remembering the times Anakin had violated orders—the times he had put at risk entire operations, the lives of thousands, the control of whole planetary systems—to save a friend. More than once, in fact, to save Obi-Wan. “I think,” Obi-Wan said carefully, “that abstractions like peace don’t mean much to him. He’s loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him.”[Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Another person Anakin was blindly loyal to was Palpatine and Padmé’s doubts about the Republic triggered him because it meant Palpatine was somehow in the wrong.

He bit down on his temper. “Everybody complains about Palpatine having too much power, but nobody offers a better alternative. Who should be running the war? The Senate? You’re in the Senate, you know those people—how many of them do you trust?” “All I know is that things are going wrong here. Our government is headed in exactly the wrong direction. You know it, too—you just said so!” “I didn’t mean that. I just—I’m tired of this, that’s all. This political garbage. Sometimes I’d rather just be back out on the front lines. At least out there, I know who the bad guys are.” [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Of course, Anakin wasn’t exactly stable at the time and definitely influenced his reaction.

[fedeipox]

The Way of Time (Rdr2 fanfic) - Chapter 3 (1/2)

I don’t think you actually care about it, but I’ve chosen to write my Bachelor’s Degree Thesis about “Anglo-American Travel and Travel Writing in Italy”. Anglo-American folks, do you see? This is how much I love you guys!

Previously on TWoT: The thaw finally gives the VdL gang the possibility to move from Colter. Emily jumps on a wagon and enjoys the ride southward. In the meantime she gets the chance to know some of the members better. She finds more about their past, about their personalities, she is more and more interested in Arthur, the grumpy cowboy with the fairytale name, and she starts to appreciate them despite the fact that they are criminals. Now it is time to understand how things in their camp work. 

Chapter 3 (1/2) - On the road

Words: 3k

On the road to Valentine, Emily found more than her love for the country, she found out she had new friends, some new kind of family, an uncommon family, a crazy family, a family of outlaws. She didn’t see it in these terms, of course, but we all know how it works with the Van der Linde gang: once you start getting attached, you’ll never let them go. 

Anyway, at that moment, she couldn’t believe her own feelings. She had alway despised criminals: she believed laws were made for a reason, which is being followed, she hated thieves because she thought they took away the product of honest people’s work, not to mention murderers, who were nothing more than the worst kind of thieves, because they stole our most precious thing, our life. 

So, how could she feel that way? She felt pity for them, for their stories, she felt emotionally attached to Hosea, who talked to her like a father, even better than her real father actually, she had to admit shamefully, because she had never had that kind of talk with him and he had never made her feel that way. In her house, her mother was the backbone of the family.

And then there was that Mr. Arthur, with his sarcasm and “tough and rough”way to do things, and handsome, again she had to admit that too. And Mary-Beth, she looked like the perfect friend, when she would open up a little - she probably was a little shy. And little Jack, she liked that kid too. 

So, on the road to Valentine, Emily found more than her love for the country, she found out that people are people, no matter what they’ve done in their life, and that good and evil sometimes overlap.

“What’s this place called again?” asked Arthur. 

“Horseshoe Overlook” answered Hosea.

“It’s a good place to lie low?”

“It’ll do for now. And how long do you think Dutch is going to lie low?”

“W-wait, I though you said we were going to Valentine” Emily stepped in.

“It’s a place near Valentine, yes” replied Hosea.

“But… we won’t stay in the city?”

“How do you think we can make twenty people stay in the city?” asked Mr. Morgan.

“And we have to hide, the law is still looking for us, we can’t risk to catch too much attention” added Hosea.

“I don’t understand, why are they looking for you?” she asked.

“On the left here, Arthur. Up the hill” Hosea said pointing at the left path at the crossroad. Then, he sighed and made a little pause before he explained her their situation. 

We all know about the ferry job in Blackwater, how it all went to hell and how Dutch killed an innocent girl “in a bad way”, how Javier tells it. And we know how they had to flee from Blackwater because of the Pinkertons, and how some of them didn’t make it.

Emily remained silent after Hosea told her all this. She was thinking not about the fact that they had stolen a lot of money from that ferry, but about the amount of people who died for that theft. That girl on the ferry, that Davey and that Jenny in the mountains, not to mention all the people they had to shoot to get out of Blackwater. And from the way Hosea was talking about it, she could tell he wasn’t proud of how things had gone.

“Why you do that? Why are you criminals? Can’t you just… change your life?” she asked.

“That’s what we’re trying to do. Make enough money so we can buy some land out in the West and start a new life” answered Hosea.

“But why you have to steal it, can’t you take a loan from the bank or something like that?”

Hosea and Arthur chuckled.

“You’ll soon learn Dutch isn’t fond of the American government, and the bankers, and the industrialists, and everybody else who has just a little power on this land.”

Emily couldn’t understand what Hosea was telling her, she couldn’t understand what Dutch really wanted. He wanted a new life? He wanted to be a criminal? He wanted to fight the government? He reminded her of Robin Hood, but instead of taking from the rich to give to the poor, he took from everybody to give to his family. 

After the climb up the hill, they found themselves in a plain ground where the path was surrounded by trees, and the more they followed it the thicker the trees became, until Arthur pulled the reins and made the wagon stop.

“There you are brother.”

Emily raised her head and looked at the man who had spoken, the one with the parted mustache and bowler hat, laying his back on a big rock at the edge of the road.

“Head in there and follow the track for a bit” he said pointing to a little side path among the trees.

Then, he reached the back of the wagon and hopped in.

“Okay, let’s go” he said with a gesture of his hand.

Emily looked at him and smiled. From close up, she could perfectly tell he came from some place in the South, like Colombia, or Mexico, or maybe Brazil. He also had a strange accent when he spoke, so she was pretty sure he wasn’t from there.

“Where do you come from, Mr…?”

“Javier, Escuella. Mexico.”

“Oh, I would’ve said something like Cuba. Do you like in here?”

“Yeah, I do. It’s a good country.”

“Are you gonna ask everybody about their lives?” said Mr. Morgan with annoyance.

Again, Emily couldn’t understand why he had to be so grumpy. She was just trying to have a conversation, know better the people she was gonna spent some time with.

“Why do you care, Mr. Morgan?” she laughed.

“I’m just afraid you’ll start make me insistent and annoying questions” he replied.

“Don’t worry, from now on I’ll avoid you like the plague” she joked.

Both him and Hosea chuckled.

“So, any trouble getting in here, Javier?” asked the latter.

“No, it went well. This is a good spot” he replied.

“Excellent. I think this will work for us, for now anyway.”

“Were are we going to sleep?” asked Emily as the thought of another night on the ground was starting to worry her.

“We got tents. It’s not like sleeping in the best hotel in town, I know, but it’s not the worst, either. You’ll get used to it” answered Hosea.

“Tents like… like camping?”

In that moment she understood what Dutch meant by “camp” when they had rescued her the day before. And yes, her fear had just been confirmed: she had to sleep on the ground, again. 

“See for yourself. Here we are, home sweet home” Hosea said and at the same time the path into the woods ended and a clearing opened at their sight.

Mr. Arthur made the wagon stop again and Emily took a deep breath before standing up. 

Javier was waiting for her, with his hand ready to be taken to help her getting down. It was the most courteous thing anybody had ever done for her and she looked at him with surprise for a moment before taking it.

“You weren’t wrong, Hosea. This place is perfect!” she heard the loud and thundering voice of Dutch saying.

“I hope so” replied Hosea.

“Hey, were have you been?” 

She had just jumped down the wagon and she turned around to meet Mary-Beth’s eyes: she had removed the heavy coat and headscarf and she was wearing a pink shirt on a mauve long skirt. 

Actually, the weather there was way better, the temperature warmer, and Emily didn’t felt anymore in need to wear that bottle-green woolen coat.

“I stayed behind with Hosea. You’ve already settled the camp” she stated looking at the tents around her.

“There’s still a lot to do. Come, I’ll show you around” said Mary-Beth taking one of the crates from the wagon and leading the way.

...

They walked through the tents, passing right in front of Abigail, who was bringing another carpet inside of hers.

“Hi Abigail!” Emily exclaimed. 

Abigail answered with a smile before entering her tent, where she opened and left the carpet among the others on the ground next to John, sleeping on the cot thanks to the reverend’s morphine. 

“We’ll sleep here” said Mary-Beth showing her their place, with the four bedrolls on the two big carpets. 

“What, here?” she heard Emily ask as she left the crate under the tent.

“Yes.”

“We don’t have a tent?”

Mary-Beth looked at her and then pointed at the large piece of cloth above their heads.

“This is our tent.”

“I mean a real tent. Like that one” Emily said pointing at John’s tent.

“Only Dutch and John have those.”

“Why?”

“Because they are… they are…”

Emily and Mary-Beth looked at each other in the eye, exchanging a meaningful look. They both knew it wasn’t exactly right to leave the women sleep on the ground and out in the open air while they had all the privacy and comfortable cots they wished, but there were rules.

“So there is some kind of hierarchy here, like… they are on the top and all of us down here?”

“No, Dutch is the leader, and then Hosea, Arthur and John, then the men, then Miss Grimshaw and then us.”

“So it’s a patriarchal totalitarianism?”

Mary-Beth frowned, not understanding what she wanted to say with those big words.

“Never mind. There is a place I can wash?” Emily asked taking off the coat she had given her.

“If you want to have a bath, we have to go to town, or if you aren’t squeamish you can wash in the stream, but you won’t have much privacy there.”

Emily opened her mouth in astonishment and Mary-Beth was pretty sure she was about to say something outraged, but right at that moment Dutch called them all.

“Come it’s time for the speech” she said to the new girl.

“The speech?” 

“I know that things have been tough, but we are safe now and we are far too poor” was saying Dutch as they both reached his tent quickly, where the rest of the group had gathered.

The speech was the same as always: we all need to work, no more passengers, bring some food, share what you got with the gang, be careful, don’t catch too much attention.

They had almost finished with the usual bunch of encouraging words when Mary-Beth felt the sleeve of her shirt pulled and turning her head she saw Emily looking at her with an expression she couldn’t make out.

As the speech ended and the people scattered, going back to their works, trying to make that place livable, she turned to face the new girl.

“What?” she asked.

“I have to pee.”

...

She hadn’t drunk a single drop of water, and the extreme cold of the mountain had forced her body to keep all on the inside, but when she removed that coat it was like every single muscle relaxed and it came altogether. She needed a bathroom. 

That speech was nothing more that a series of rules they apparently had to follow: go around, make some money - even though she had no idea how to do that - put some in the box, bring some food… 

What the heck did “bring some food” mean? Couldn’t they go to the market and just buy things like all normal people do? It was 1899, so she supposed markets and stores already existed. 

She couldn’t restrain herself anymore, so as soon as they finished with that dictatorial shit, Emily pulled Mary-Beth’s sleeve.

“What?”

“I have to pee.”

“Well then, go in the woods.”

Emily widened her eyes and for a moment she was about to laugh, but then she understood Mary-Beth wasn’t joking.

“But…what about a toilet? Don’t you…” but she stopped halfway of her sentence.

How were toilets in 1899? Did they have them?

“If you have to go, go in the woods” repeated Mary-Beth.

“What about toilet paper?”

Mary-Beth raised her eyebrows and nodded. 

“Yes, come” she said and leaded her back to her tent, their tent, how she had to call it from now on. 

She went to the back of the wagon right behind the place they were going to sleep and opened a box from which she took a roll of paper very similar to the one they used in 2020, just a little different in color and consistency.

“Here, don’t use too much, this thing is expensive” said Mary-Beth as Emily took a couple of sheets.

“Are you sure you have no toilets?” she asked still full of hope. 

“I have no idea what that means.”

Emily looked at her freckled face trying to find another word to make her understand, when it suddenly came to her mind.

“Restrooms” she exclaimed with a snap of her fingers.

“Restrooms?” asked a voice from behind her.

She turned around and met Karen’s bewildered expression.

“Where men go to make their things?”

“And women don’t?” asked Emily.

“I’m afraid not. Only men can use them” Mary-Beth informed her.

“And we don’t have one, you can find it…”

“In town. Yes, I got it” Emily said with a puff.

There was one reason why she never went camping with her friends: lack of bathrooms.

Sleeping on the ground for a couple of days, she could endure that. Cooking things on a campfire, that could be fun. Bugs and wild animals, unless it was something extremely disgusting like cockroaches, it was fine. But bathrooms… No place to wash properly, no private space to do her things, she couldn’t stand that, and yet there she was.

“I can’t believe I just did that” she murmured to herself walking out of the woods.

As the shadow casted by the trees ended and she stepped in the sunlight, Emily looked at the camp in front of her standing against the endless background of the Heartlands. She had heard of that place, one of the most beautiful of all the States, but she didn’t expect it to be like that, and the tents they had settled fitted perfectly with the general view. The rurality and simplicity of that sight made her feel like she was in some kind of movie, and made her curious to see how those people lived their everyday life. 

She started wandering around: she exchanged a smile with Javier Escuella, asked to Mary-Beth what she was reading, peeked inside Dutch’s tent, the most articulate and comfortable of all the tents, which sight made her a little angry, then she stopped for a while to watch Charles Smith chopping the wood for the campfire, and in the end she approached a table, where Uncle and the big man with the long brown beard were seated.

“Hello” she said sitting next to them on one of the upside-down barrels, and noticing they both had a bottle of what seemed to be beer in their hands, she thought it was a little too early for drinking.

“Hello, dear. Oh! I got something for you” chuckled Uncle standing up and leaving.

“W-what…” she stuttered moving her eyes from Uncle’s back stumbling away to the other man, who shrugged. 

“Isn’t it a little too early for that?” she asked pointing at his bottle.

“Mind your business!”

He had a growling angry voice that made her jump on her seat when he snapped in that way.

“Hey, I was just saying. Sorry if I offended you.”

“Your the one who says you come from the future, right?”

Emily sighed and looked away.

“Yes” she murmured. 

“So you know how things will go? Like, what will become of the West?”

Emily fixed her eyes on the man’s face, asking herself what were his intentions, if he was just playing with her, or if the beer he was drinking had already gone way up to his head. 

“I mean” he whispered leaning forward on the table and as a reflex Emily did the same so that now their faces were really close and she could smell the alcohol in his breath. 

“Will it stay untamed?”

Emily considered what she had to reply to him: the truth, the hard truth, or a lie?

“We’ll we have the chance to live free?”

He looked like he was truly believing in the fact that she came from the future. 

“For the first question: no, the West will be tamed in the end. For the second, I don’t know what to tell you, I’m not a fortune teller.”

The man withdrew from her, looking at her with wary eyes and the same did she, still not sure if he was drunk or anything else.

“Here, my dear.”

Emily turned to Uncle as he sat down again.

“You forgot these on the wagon this morning” he said giving her the oatcakes tin box. “What was Mr. Williamson here telling you?”

“I’m not sure” she replied narrowing her eyes to look at the big man, while he took a sip from his bottle.

“Anyway, thank you for these, Uncle” she said standing up.

“No big deal, no big deal at all.”

Emily headed to what she supposed to be the camp kitchen since Mr. Pearson the cook was there with a big pot on a table putting things inside it. She smiled as he noticed her, but she didn’t stop to talk and opened the tin box to take an oatcake from it. 

Chewing happily for the recover of her source of nourishment she kept walking around the kitchen until she found something that took her smile away. There was a man, someone who she had never seen before, tied to a tree like he was some kind of prisoner. She walked closer, pushed both by the curiosity and the pity for that figure.

“Please, please, water” he whispered without looking at her and she immediately turned around looking left and right and asking herself where could she find water.

Then, she stopped, thinking about the reason why that man was tied, why he was a prisoner. Maybe he was a bad man, a dangerous man, and the fact that she was in a camp of criminals could only make her wonder how dangerous he had to be, if they were so scared by him that they had to tie him up. Emily decided that she didn’t want to find out and taking another bite from her oatcake she walked away as fast as she could.

[trensu]

Episode 43: The One where WWX is Soft for Children and Bunnies

we're still in the forbidden chamber

wwx has his detective cap on and is being clever

the lan bros are listening attentively as they should be

wwx: jgy is a sneaky conniving bastard blah blah he vandalizes evil music books blah blah

lots of boring plot talk basically

i'm sitting here like, *sigh* so pretty wwx so pretty

which is what i imagine lwj does all the time...

lol wwx goes to lxc and is like, no offense bro but jgy was a skilled spy during the war who was able to infiltrate and memorize wen ruohan's stuff in their secret chamber. invading this one would've been a piece of cake for him

and lxc is like well damn, guess i better test out all this evil music and see if it actually works

lxc: i'll just test the evil magic music on myself. yep. that way no one gets hurt and that couldn't possibly backfire on me at all

lwj: bro

lxc: bro. i gotta do this bro to clear my bae’s i mean friend's name

LOL lxc is like you all see jgy this way but i see him in a totally different way

YEAH WE KNOW, THAT'S THE PROBLEM

LOLOLOL OMG

lxc turns to gaze off into the middle distance and is like, the jgy in my heart is kind and benevolent blah blah

and behind him wwx crosses his arms and all but rolls his eyes LIKE DUDE YOU'RE COMING TO THE WRONG PERSON FOR SYMPATHY. I'M THE ONE THAT GOT KILLED FOR THINGS YOUR BF DID

oh this moment's interesting

lxc is like, can't you allow me to be cautious about making this decision? 

and lwj takes a step towards him, ready to speak but wwx grabs his upper arm and stops him with a shake of his head

the look lwj gives him just before that was like why are you stopping me?

but wwx knows this isn't something you can push

lwj trusts wwx's judgment and holds back whatever he was going to say

i'm curious as to what he WAS going to tell his brother tho

now lwj is leaving to talk to their uncle and lxc is like, sure i'll take your soulmate back to your room for you

WE'RE GONNA GET SOME BABY!LWJ FLASHBACKS SOON OMG

IT'S GONNA HURT

wwx: since lan zhan isn't here, i wanna ask you about something

lxc: tell me

wwx: what are the whipping scars on lan zhan?

lxc: you don't know?

AND THEIR SONG STARTS PLAYING

wwx: i asked him but he didn't wanna say, so i'm asking you

lxc: yeah, if he doesn't think it's necessary he'll probably never talk about it so i'll tell you instead of respecting my little brother's decisions about his personal life

AND OKAY I'M GLAD HE DID BC IT GIVES US WANGXIAN MOMENTS BUT STILL!! 

lxc: do you remember that one time when wn shot and killed your sister's husband?

on the one hand, HOW COULD HE FORGET but on the other hand, he forgets quite a lot of things actually...

lxc: after wq and the others turned themselves in...*cue flashback*

we're at the burial mounds, lwj is standing by himself before wwx's cave facing down a whole freaking squadron of cultivators

su she: *runs his mouth as if we actually care what he has to say*

lwj: *completely unfazed and expressionless* you are not qualified to speak to me

HELL FUCKING YEAH

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW EPIC THIS MOMENT IS

LOOK AT LWJ OWN THAT ICE PRINCE PERSONA TO STRIKE DOWN AN IMPUDENT ANT OF A PERSON

su she goes to draw his sword AS IF HE HAS ANY REAL CHANCE OF DEFEATING HANGUANG JUN IN A SWORD FIGHT

but jgy shows up with even MORE cultivators and then does that thing where he compliments the person inconveniencing him and takes control of the situation

jgy: oh hanguang jun is so honorable let's not search wwx's secret cave lab right now

BUT THE GREAT THING IS THAT LWJ DOESN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HIS PRESENCE

HE DOESN'T LOOK AT HIM OR SU SHE AT ALL

bc lwj is forever Better Than You.

fuck jgy

jgy: even if wwx is alive, the burial mounds is surrounded so there's no way he could come here without us noticing

he says this to lwj all mildly BUT YOU KNOW IT'S A THREAT

He bows (lwj STILL doesn't acknowledge him and it's GREAT) and walks away

then pauses (bc Drama) and is like oh, almost forgot, your uncle is waiting for you at the cloud recesses. And then he just leaves with all his cultivators

this is when lwj finally looks at jgy (or his back, at least since jgy is leaving)

We cut to the next scene that has lwj slamming the point of bichen in the the stone ground, arm bleeding

HE IS VISIBLY SWEATING AND TREMBLING

lxc: lwj made a mess and fought against everyone there

AND WE SEE LWJ FALL TO HIS KNEE, ONE ARM USING BICHEN AS SUPPORT WHILE THE OTHER RESTS ON THE GROUND

but the fall was gradual and jerky, like he was fighting it the whole way down. 

As if the only reason he fell is bc he's used up every ounce his strength and energy he had in his body

lxc: uncle burst into anger and took him back home, punishing him with 300 lashes and repenting in the cold pond cave for 3 years

we cut to the cloud recesses, camera shot from above making lwj, who is kneeling before his uncle and surrounded by disciples, look small AS ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING ON THE CELLO 

his uncle orders them to start beating lwj

AND LWJ TAKES IT LIKE A CHAMP

he barely moves with each strike and MAN THAT DISCIPLE IS NOT HOLDING BACK

oooh, we see him do that fist clench thing which looks even more painful without bichen to grip tbh

dude lwj is clenching his jaw so hard. 

like, he refuses to cry out in pain and it's gotta hurt bc he's bleeding already

lqr: what is rule 52 of the lan clan?

lwj: do not befriend evil

NO HESITATION. SAID IN A STRONG FIRM VOICE

AS IF HE WASN'T CURRENTLY GETTING BEATEN WITH A NIGHTMARE STICK

and lqr is all you have forgotten the fundamental laws of our clan, how can you have the nerve to face your ancestors like this!!

BUT LWJ IS NOT HAVING THAT

HE'LL TAKE THE BEATING BUT HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIS POINT

lwj: i dare ask you, grandmaster, who is right? who is wrong? what is black? what is white?

Bc our boy has learned! He’s learned NUANCE and CRITICAL THINKING and the existence of GRAY AREAS

BC WTF IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THESE STUPID RULES IF THEY DON'T PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND DEFENSELESS?

Bc his soulmate was right all along and he didn’t stand by him when he needed him most and now his soulmate is gone. His soulmate is gone. He’s GONE.

I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF CRY

lqr: perfect! that's my good student

he does not say this happily. he is in fact SHOUTING this VERY ANGRILY

and here i wanna say, hey lqr, what's that rule about excessive noise...?

cue lwj's fist clench again, which sounds just as painful as the beating tbh

lqr: wangji, you have disappointed me

NOT AS MUCH AS YOU AND YOUR DAMN RULE-BOOK HAVE DISAPPOINTED HIM, YOU JERK

and here we see an ACTUAL VISIBLE SCOWL on our beautiful hanguang jun's face as he continues to be beaten

HOW ANGRY AND TORN UP MUST HE BE TO ACTUALLY SCOWL LIKE THAT??

cut to lwj kneeling at the ice table thing in the cold pond cave, robed in white and face blank but somehow still projecting an aura of cold fury

probably bc the rulebook open in front of him says "eradicate evil, establish laws, and goodness will be everlasting" and he knows that’s bullshit now

but actually this scene is visually very beautiful. 

It’s all in misty shades of pale cold blue and white and everything’s spaced out in a way to emphasize how very very alone lwj is

cut back to the present with wwx and lxc

wwx grips his flute with both hands and looks down like he can't believe what he's hearing

lxc: when lwj was imprisoned i tried to persuade him...but he told me he considered you his confidant soulmate and believed in your integrity

wwx: why would he bother…?

his brow is furrowed and his voice is soft like he truly doesn't seem to understand why lwj would bother to do all that

and on the one hand i wanna scream IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, YOU MORON

but on the other hand, everybody else in wwx's life, everyone else he loved, turned on him or died 

and he probably truly believes he deserved all that, and that he is undeserving of lwj's unwavering faith

and then i cry

lxc: do you know what this place is?

shot of the entrance to the silence room aka the jingshi aka lwj's room

wwx: i don't

lxc: it's where our mother lived

wwx is hanging off his every word

lxc: you might find it strange that the wife of the clan leader didn't live with her husband in the frigid chamber

with a name like that i wouldn't want to live there either...

lxc: you might know that our father used to isolate himself for years, not caring about anything...

Not even his sons, apparently!

wwx: i do

and he explains that his father isolated himself bc of his mother or whatever

lxc: this place was more of a prison than a home

It was his mother’s prison. When did he figure that out? Was it when HE WAS STILL A KID??

DID HE FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH HIS  MOTHER KNOWING SHE WAS LOCKED UP AGAINST HER WILL??

THE LAN FAM IS SO FUCKED UP OMG

now he's telling us the whole tragic love story

it was love at first sight, he says and wwx is like ah yes, a typical romance

and lxc is like, uh no, she didn't love him back and she murdered his teacher, idk why tho

lxc: but i guess it's all about right and wrong, love and hate

Which is a major theme of the whole show, tbh

OH DAMN

now he's telling wwx about how his dad took his mom to cloud recesses and married her against the clan's approval and that he told them that this was the person he would love for a lifetime, that “whoever tried to drive her out would have to go through him first"

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU, WWX?

RINGING ANY (WEDDING) BELLS?

DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING AT ALL, WWX?

"after the wedding my father built this house, and locked my mother up"

lxc says this all so calmly and gently, as if he were reading from a story book rather than reciting his immediate family's history

Which is probably a coping mechanism, tbh

this fam is so fucked up, have i mentioned?

lxc: do you understand why my father did all this?

wwx: *nod*

lxc: and do you think he did the right thing?

wwx: i don't know

well, i mean, he married her and locked her up against her will

granted she did murder someone but i get the feeling she probably had good reason to

and now he's telling wwx that they basically had no parents bc they were given off to others to raise them until they were old enough to attend their uncle's lessons

FLASHBACK TO BABY!LWJ READING TO HIS MAMA FROM A LAN CLAN BOOK

HE'S SO CUTE AND TINY AND HIS MAMA IS SO SOFT AND PRETTY. 

SHE LOOKS AT HIM WITH SUCH LOVE, AND RUNS HER HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR SO GENTLY

lxc makes a point here to say that their mother never complained about her imprisonment or how painful it must've been to be trapped like that

BC THEIR MAMA LOVED THEM

lxc: lwj never said anything, but i knew he looked forward to the day we visited mother every month

HOW AWFUL IS THAT, TO BE RESTRICTED TO ONE DAY A MONTH TO SPEND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE???

Lxc: he did (look forward to seeing mom). and so did i.

cut to baby lwj kneeling in the snow, all little and by himself IN FRONT OF THE JINGSHI, AKA HIS MOM’S PRISON AKA PROBABLY HIS FAVORITE PLACE IN ALL THE CLOUD RECESSES

lxc: one day, uncle told us that we didn't need to go there anymore. mother had gone.

I'M GONNA CRY

HE'S SO LITTLE AND SAD AND HE'S KNEELING SO STILL WITH HIS TINY HANDS IN HIS LAP

like even lqr is moved bc he goes and puts a hand on his shoulder

lxc: we were too young to understand what that meant.

lxc: no matter how others consoled us or how uncle scolded him, lwj still came here every month. he would sit on that porch and wait for someone to open the door.

I'M SOBBING

LWJ HAS SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE WAITING FOR THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

He’s kept himself still and stalwart ever since he was a kid so that if his loved one chose to come back, he’d still be there for them 

I'M HURTING SO MUCH

HE JUST WANTED THEM TO COME BACK AND THINK HE WAS WORTH STAYING FOR. 

GOD I HATE CRYING. I'M A SNOTTY MESS RN

Lxc: when we got older we realized that she would never come back. that no one would ever open the door for him. but he still came.

FUCK

GOD DAMN IT

STOP HURTING ME SO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL

lxc: lwj has always been stubborn since he was very young

lxc: back then, he watched you learn crafty tricks. he didn't say anything, but i knew...that the pain and confusion in his heart was the same as what he felt for our mother

MY GOD, JUST BEAT ME WITH THOSE NIGHTMARE STICKS INSTEAD. THAT WOULD HURT LESS THAN THIS.

wwx's eyes are all red-rimmed and his brow is all pinches and HE JUST SWALLOWED BACK THE LUMP IN HIS THROAT

THE SAME ONE I HAVE RIGHT NOW AS I CRY AND CRY AND CRY

and lxc is like, well, that's enough intense conversation for now, imma do a flute solo

~flute sounds~

and now he's like i tried to persuade lwj before but now that i'm in his shoes it turns out making a decision isn't actually easy to do?? who'd have thought?

oh here comes lwj, all straight-backed and regal as always but no jewelry in his hair! no topknot! he looks so different this way

AND HE HAS TWO JARS OF EMPEROR'S SMILE WITH HIM

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING AGAIN

oh, the way he holds it out to wwx, like an offering at an altar...

cut to inside the jingshi, we get to see him uncap one of the jars and pour a drink out for his soulmate. 

like, the camera is specifically focused on his hands

which, hey, i’ve seen the tags ppl, i know some of you are Into That so take the time to enjoy this

then we get a shot of all of him and he looks so so soft and exposed and vulnerable  here?? with his hair down in his own room, pouring a drink for his wei ying

it's beautiful

wwx walks in and watches as lwj starts to pour himself a cup of tea

THIS IS A LOT. 

~Their Song~ playing sweetly, no other sounds except the quiet clinks of the cups and teapot. And all of lwj’s actions are just...light

wwx: lan zhan…

GOD I JUST WANT TO SCREENCAP THIS WHOLE SCENE

the shot of lwj here, while he’s focused on pouring his tea. 

the way his head is angled and the wisps of his hair frame his face. 

he takes up a good portion of the screen without seeming domineering or forceful, just...peacefully existing in the space

and then we cut back to wwx's face, his mouth open as he takes a breath 

He wants to say something, anything, but you can see on his face that he can't make the words come

Like he doesn’t want to disturb the moment with whatever he was going to say, bc it’s a fragile moment

and then this brief literally-2-seconds shot of lwj to the right, sitting at the table 

the table is set up so beautifully with the jars of emperor's smile and their cups. and he's looking up and the lighting AND AHHHHHH

IT'S JUST A VERY BEAUTIFUL TWO SECONDS AND I'VE STARED AT IT FOR MUCH TOO LONG ALREADY

lwj: what?

and wwx can't even really return his gaze. he looks just as vulnerable here but, unlike lwj, he also looks awkward, like he’s nervous in his vulnerability same ,wwx, same

wwx tries to say thank you but it comes out stuttered and soft while lwj watches him patiently

wwx mumbles to himself "it's awkward to say it out loud" and his eyes flicker back and forth for a second as his mouth pinches, agitated 

BC IT IS MEGA AWKWARD

FEELINGS ARE AWKWARD

AND AS LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS WWX CAN BE, IT'S NEVER ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.

wwx: *clears throat* i mean...the burden on your brother's shoulders is tremendous

smooth transition, wwx, very smooth

but at least it allowed him the chance to sit at the table with lwj

wwx: after all, jgy is his sworn brother. if i were him...

he trails off awkwardly and it feels even MORE awkward bc the background music just ends suddenly and it's silent for us, the audience

lwj doesn't say anything and instead gently moves the cup of wine towards wwx.

once that's done he says "if there's evidence, my brother won't tolerate it."

but he doesn't look at wwx and his face is somber

wwx: that's true. he's got his principles

finally lwj looks at him

lwj: you didn't tell him.

wwx: tell him what?

lwj: about the flute on qiongqi way

wwx: you know about that?

lwj: i asked wen ning. he said he heard a second flute

wwx: i thought i was hearing things until nightless city *insert flashback here*

cut to next scene. wwx is standing just outside the jingshi doors with a jar in his hand as it snows

lwj steps up next to him and ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING

they're still talking about the flute and how wwx is confident now that there was a second one used to frame him basically. he's quietly angry here.

lwj immediately says it was jgy but wwx responds with "maybe, maybe not"

lwj looks at him, "you don't want to know the answer?"

bc lwj does. he wants to know who framed his soulmate, causing the suffering that lead to his death

wwx: at first i really wanted to but now i just want to say, 'whatever. screw it!'

he says with a laugh and then takes a swig from his wine jar

wwx put down that wine jar, you've obviously had too much already.

wwx: lan zhan, i actually think whether i know the answer or not won't be of much importance for me. after all, in ppl's minds, the yiling patriarch did bad things. even if i expressed my grievances, people still won't trust me

and he smiles

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY

He says, "Sometimes the world only needs an excuse or target that everyone can hate"

PAINFULLY TRUE

and then he says something along the lines that it doesn't matter, if he wasn't made the target, someone else would have been

BASICALLY HE'S JUST VERY DISILLUSIONED HERE 

THE WORLD SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED FOR DISAPPOINTING HIM

now we hear the sound of a guqin playing ~Their Song~

lwj at his guqin playing their song to soothe his soulmate

wwx: *voiceover* i was lonely back then. the few who believed in me were dead, wen ning, jyl. Luckily…

and here we get the crescendo of the opening theme as we cut to lwj. 

the voiceover changes from wwx to lwj

lwj: in this world, there is still someone who trust you

I'M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW

voiceover switches back to wwx and we get a shot of wwx watching lwj play

wwx: lan zhan, i toast to you. i'm glad to have one true friend

SO MANY FEELINGS

and then i get distracted as wwx does that thing where he pours wine into his mouth and spills half of it down his VERY INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT

shot of lwj thinking: for nothing else but a clean conscience

shot of wwx thinking: no matter how they slander me, i know i have a clean conscience

EVEN THEIR THOUGHTS ARE IN SYNC OMG

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS STILL PLAYING BUT NOW IT'S THE GUQIN AND THE FLUTE COMING TOGETHER

wwx gazes tenderly at lwj and whispers: lan zhan. i'm sorry...and thank you

AND WE GET THE ACTORS’ VOCALS ADDED IN TO ~THEIR SONG~ AS LWJ LOOKS UP AND SEES WWX WATCHING HIM

AND I'M HAVING SO MANY FEELINGS

I WOULD LIKE TO GET DISTRACTED BY WWX'S INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT AGIAN PLZ

cut to the next day with lxc meditating and our boys hiding behind a privacy screen

lwj is in perfect posture, eyes closed and meditating calmly while wwx keeps listing to the side and jolting awake bc meditating IS FOR NERDS

lol except this time he lists to the opposite side and falls into lwj's shoulder with a cute little gasp

lwj gives him a look and wwx quickly arranges himself into a sloppy lotus pose

jgy walks in and our boys are immediately on alert peeking through the privacy screen 

(which actually isn't all that private. you can see through half of it??)

now we get a moment for lxc and jgy in which jgy returns the jade token and it’s, like, a Thing

BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM

LET'S SEE OUR BOYS' REACTION TO WHAT JGY HAS TO SAY

wwx is watching lwj as jgy says something about how they don't have info on lwj and wwx yet and lwj closes his eyes against the news

i think he's upset he's placed his brother in this position...

now we're informed that there are active puppets in the burial mounds

lxc is like, well it can't be wwx bc he was stabbed

and jgy is like he's been stabbed before and controlled puppets alright then!

meanwhile wwx behind the screen scoffs and thinks "they think too highly of me"

also, like, jgy was trying to get lxc to give them up by saying how lwj would be safe bc of his great reputation

Honestly, it really just goes to show that these people don't actually care about your actions. they've made their assumptions and they'll stick to them no matter what and IT'S SUPER FRUSTRATING

plot talk plot talk sworn trio moment plot talk

now lxc is off to carp tower while our boys prepare for a field trip to the burial mounds

LIL APPLE AND THE BUNNIES!!

our boys are by a stream and there's bunnies all over the place and wwx is telling lil apple they're leaving

~THEIR SONG~ STARTS UP AGAIN

AHHHHHHHHH, LOOOK!!! THERE’S TEENY TINY SMILE ON LWJ'S FACE AS HE PUTS DOWN BICHEN TO PICK UP ONE OF THE BUNNIES

EVERYTHING IS ADORABLE

WWX GETS THAT LITTLE MISCHIEVOUS SMILE ON HIS FACE AS HE GOES TO POKE THE BUNNY

AND HE MAKES SILLY NOISES AT IT AND IS ALL INSULTED THAT THE BUNNY DOESN'T REACT

SO CUTE!!

wwx: see? they only like you *pout* they're only loyal to their owner

so lwj wordlessly hands over the bunny BC IF HIS SOULMATE WANTS BUNNIES, HIS SOULMATE IS GETTING BUNNIES

the bunny wriggles and wwx is like "don't try to run. you can never run away from me. stay here bunny!"

IT'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA DIE

HE'S JUST PETTING THE BUNNY ALL OVER AND USING A PLAYFUL VOICE WHILE TALKING TO IT AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL

Don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny

wwx looks over to lwj: lan zhan, it's so strange. i know we're going on a dangerous mission but i don't feel scared at all

then he goes back to the bunny and wiggles it around SO CUTELY: do you think it's strange too? what do you think?

AND HE'S GOT THE BIGGEST SMILE

lwj: it's getting late. let's go

wwx: okay *pets bunny* little bunny, we're leaving~

THIS SHOW SHOULD ONLY EVER BE ABOUT BUNNIES, I'VE DECIDED

BUNNIES DON'T HURT ME 

now we cut to them at the entrance of the cloud recesses

lil apple is being stubborn and the bunnies are on the steps

wwx: they hate to see you go.

and wwx looks at lwj all playfully

wwx: i never thought that hanguang jun would be so popular among the little animals

and then he finishes with AN ADORABLE LITTLE POUT: bc i'm not

lwj: why not?

wwx: all little animals regardless of their habitat run when they see me. isn't that right lil apple? *proceeds to bully the donkey*

lwj: *walks off bc he does not condone animal abuse or smth*

wwx: wait for me hanguang jun!!

NOW WE'RE ON A DIRT PATH

LWJ IS HOLDING THE LIL APPLE'S LEAD WHILE WWX RIDES LIL APPLE

HE’S PLAYING HIS FLUTE AND THEN STARTS PLAYING ~THEIR SONG~!!!!

AND LWJ LOOKS TOWARDS HIM HIS EYES ALL TENDER AND FULL OF LOVE

WWX IS SMILING WHILE HE PLAYS

EVERYTHING IS STILL WONDERFUL

LWJ HAS ONE OF HIS ALMOST-SMILES ON HIS FACE

wwx: lan zhan, i wanna know, back in the murder turtle cave, what was the name of the song you sang to me?

lwj: why do you ask?

wwx: just tell me the name. i think i've figured out how you recognized me

wwx: tell me what song it is. who's the composer?

lwj: me

wwx: so you composed it?!

lwj: hm

wwx: what's the name then?

THIS IS SUCH A CAREFREE PLEASANT CONVERSATION AND I LOVE IT

lwj: what do you think?

wwx: you're asking my opinion?

he gets this huge smile on his face and giggles

wwx: i think i'll call it...

lwj: i'm thirsty, let's look for water

IT'S RUDE TO INTERRUPT LWJ

they find a random house and wwx proceeds to steal a melon

but they're interrupted so they hide like the CRIMINALS THEY ARE lol

and we see mr & mrs mianmian with little mianmian!!

mr mianmian is all if you run off again the yiling patriarch will eat you!

little mianmian is like I'M NOT SCARED, mama says the yiling patriarch doesn’t bully good people

and that's how mianmian and her husband and daughter get guaranteed invites to their future wedding

we cut to wwx and lwj 

wwx is nodding enthusiastically like THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE, IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT'S ACKNOWLEDGED

ohhhhh really liking how mianmian draws her sword and demands the criminals to show themselves

Lol, she's like WHO'S THERE? and wwx literally answers, UM, NO ONE??

lwj purses his lips like, really?? and comes out of hiding

Mianmian is shocked to find hanguang jun hiding on her property obvs, but is also excited to recognize wwx

wwx: *internally* why does this lady know me?? did she have a problem with me or did i provoke her??

then wwx recognizes her!! he's very excited about it!

and we end the episode on a high note there!!

We get to see the only functional, happy (and alive) marriage in the entire cultivation world!!

And yeah, we got our hearts torn out by kid!lwj but we were rewarded with soft domesticity AND bunnies right after!!!

Overall good quality wangxiantics

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Getting To Know The Cast Of Criminal Minds

As Criminal Minds rolls out its 15th and final season, the beloved cast gathers to discuss serial killers (what else?), special guest stars, and their millions of phenomenal fans in this exclusive interview. (x,x)

As Criminal Minds rolls out its 15th and final season, the beloved cast gathers to discuss serial killers (what else?), special guest stars, and their millions of phenomenal fans in this exclusive interview.

By David Hochman

The scene is quintessential Hollywood: a train station at dusk. Steam billowing up from the tracks. Loved ones bracing for their emotional farewells. What could be more fitting for the cast of Criminal Minds?

Chugging into its 15th and final season after more than 300 episodes, the police procedural is among the 10 longest-running dramas of all time, and in the top 20 for longest-running scripted television shows. "This is Gunsmoke and Guinness Book territory," says Matthew Gray Gubler, who has played quirky FBI brainiac Dr. Spencer Reid since episode 1.

To honor the landmark occasion, all eight series regulars are gathered at a railway museum in L.A.'s Griffith Park for photos, poignant reflections, and a few behind-the-scenes confessions (mostly involving a tradition called "hot tub wine machine"—stay tuned).

On TV, the tenacious profilers of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit—or simply "BAU" to fans—are a hard-bitten bunch, tracking down serial killers and other vicious "unsubs." But in person, clearly good friends across the board and decked out today in their spiffiest finery, the cast can scarcely hold back tears as they get candid about their extended journey together and what it means to come to the end—sniff, sniff—of Criminal Minds.

Originally published in Watch! Magazine, July-August 2019.

Judging from the misty eyes and group hugs, it looks like the series wrap-up is generating "all the feels," as they say. Are you able to get through scenes this season without a tissue break?

Joe Mantegna (Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi, Seasons 3-present): This is my 50th year in show business, and next to voicing on The Simpsons, Rossi is my longest-running role. I came in with dark hair and now it's gray. I arrived without much of a game plan, and the show and character are now a deep part of who I am. This cast is a true family for me. So every episode this year has an added bittersweet layer. When the director announces, "This is the last profile scene" or "This is our last scene on the jet," you look around with a real sense of passing. It's monumental.

Kirsten Vangsness (BAU Technical Analyst and Media Liaison Penelope Garcia, Seasons 1-present): The term that keeps coming up is "ambiguous loss"—that feeling of losing something you love, and that everything's about to change. In this case it's not a person, thank goodness. But still, in the middle of a scene, it hits you. But you can't cry; you have all this makeup on. Plus, what are you crying for? It's been such an incredible experience. I will have done every single episode except episode 5, every episode of the first spinoff, and two episodes of the second spinoff. I love these people. No, sir. I'm not crying. You're crying. [Editor's note: She's crying.]

Paget Brewster (Supervisory Special Agent and BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss, Seasons 2-7, 9, 11-present): Um, I'm in complete denial, so I'll break down into tears the week after we end, but not before. I'm pretending this show's never, ever going to end.

Without spoiling anything, what can you say about Season 15?

A.J. Cook (Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Seasons 1-present): Well, I can tell you that we will find out what happens now that JJ has expressed her true feelings for Dr. Reid.

Matthew Gray Gubler (Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid, Seasons 1-present): Don't you mean "Jeid?" That's what the internet is calling us. Hey, I'm not spoiling anything. I mean, don't rule out, uh, "Jemily" or "Jarcia" this season, either!

Adam Rodriguez (Supervisory Special Agent Luke Alvez, Seasons 12-present): And we do have guest stars. We love guest stars! [Editor's note: Among others, watch for Jane Lynch to return as Reid's schizophrenic mother, and for Rachael Leigh Cook as a potential new love interest for Reid.]

Daniel Henney (Supervisory Special Agent Matt Simmons, Seasons 10, 12-present): Overall, I'd say 15 has more of an arc through the episodes than previous seasons. Our unsub, Chameleon, is played by Michael Mosley, and he's definitely into some gruesome, creepy stuff.

Brewster: Like, we have a scene where a bunch of body parts are hanging from a tree. Our prop guy, who's a professional fisherman in real life, was on top of a 15-foot ladder with a foot and an ear hanging off his fishing pole.

Aisha Tyler (Special Agent Dr. Tara Lewis and forensic psychologist, Seasons 11-present): And people wonder why my house in L.A. is like a fortress and I'm armed! I'd say it's a direct result of Criminal Minds. This show is definitely dark. I'm not going around profiling sociopaths and serial killers, but, yeah, being on Criminal Minds, you become more perceptive about people's bad behavior.

Anybody else find it hard letting go in real life after chasing serial killers at work all day?

Cook: I'm blessed with a good shut-off switch. Once the day's done, I can block everything out. But as soon as I became a mom, something shifted where the naive girl from Canada got the boot and mama bear arrived. We saw that happen with JJ on the show, too. When she became a mom, it was suddenly like, "Whoa, watch out for that guy in the park!"

Henney: I'll tell you a story. About two months ago, I'm at home sleeping and a burglar alarm goes off, and I literally switched into Simmons mode. All the training I'd done with the FBI guys and our tech advisers instantly came into play. I threw on black sweatpants. I was creeping around the perimeter of my house, FBI-style. I clocked all my points of ingress and egress. When you do so many episodes, basic instincts kick in.

Did you identify the unsub?

Henney: Nobody was there! It was a stupid, faulty window sensor.

Brewster: The show definitely sharpens your reactions to your surroundings. When you start the show, you have access to the FBI training manual, which, frankly, no civilian should ever see because the photographs are so grisly. You end up going through a period of hypervigilance where you can't go into a sandwich shop or airport without thinking, Uh-oh! I think that couple's going to end up in a domestic dispute tonight.

Group question: What's your standout memory from these many seasons?

Rodriguez: I jumped onto this flying carpet 12 seasons in, and my first scene was out in the middle of the desert, and we shot all night long. There was an old car that was supposed to be in the scene, but it broke down and they ended up rolling it into the shot, which was funny. But more than that, I remember how welcoming people were. I was the new guy, but I felt immediately at home.

Brewster: We watched your family grow, too, Adam. You had a kid. A.J. had two kids. I met my husband on set. We've been lucky enough to live our lives and develop together as people.

Cook: For me, having both my boys appear in the show was an absolute treasure. Mekhai, who's 10, has been doing it way longer than Phoenix, who's 4, and he loves it, though I can't tell if it's the acting or that everybody's giving him cookies and ice cream all the time.

Henney: I was really proud to play Simmons because, as an Asian American actor, you don't often get the chance to play the quintessential American guy's guy. He's married to a Caucasian woman and has mixed-race children—which is true with me, too [Henney is also of mixed descent]—and I loved representing that on television. To have a kissing scene with Kelly, my wife on the show—you weren't seeing that 10 years ago.

Tyler: Directing a couple episodes was an incredible opportunity. But for me, just the experience of seeing this through to the end is so rewarding. I was only supposed to do six episodes. Everything's been gravy since then.

Mantegna: Hands down, my highlight was being able to work in my passion for law enforcement and the military by making my FBI character a former Marine. That allowed me to bring in Meshach Taylor, one of my dearest, oldest friends, as my commanding officer in Vietnam, and directing two of the three episodes that involved him as a character.

That included the episode where his character died, because Meshach had died. To actually bury him on camera as my dear friend—I'm the godfather of his kids, and he's the godfather of mine—it was everything. If I do nothing else on television, doing that for Meshach to me means the top of the ladder.

TV shows come and go. How do you explain the enduring success of Criminal Minds?

Tyler: Well, I'd say it's not about prurient interest in the macabre. I think the reason people like the show is because we want to know that there's a smart, dedicated team of professionals out there working very hard to make sure that the rest of us stay safe. Even if we don't know who they are and we can't see them, it's comforting that people are sacrificing their personal lives and their relationships so that they can put evil people away.

Rodriguez: I meet young people all the time, teenagers, who love the show and say they love the game of it all—figuring out how these processes work and the skills that go into solving crimes. I think we've probably inspired a generation of people to go into this important work—on the good-guy side, not on the bad.

Cook: So many people have struggled in their lives, and they can relate to what they see on the show. Hardworking moms, people that have been abused, people who've experienced loss.

Vangsness: I think it comes down to a show with some of the greatest characters on television. Garcia is just a bundle of positive energy, and that resonated. Her desk is a living piece of art to how she's connected with the audience. I've got a papier-mâché heart pen a fan from France gave me. There's a little rabbit from a fan in Japan. A German woman knitted a Penelope doll that's sitting there. Oh, and Richard Simmons gave me a necklace one time because he loved the show!

Criminal Minds fans are a devoted bunch.

Henney: I once checked into a ski lodge in Switzerland and my television wasn't working, so I went to the front desk. The two desk guys started staring at me like zombies and pointed to their TV, where Criminal Minds was on, with me on the screen.

Brewster: It takes you by surprise in the weirdest places. You'll be in a bathroom at a movie theater and girls are outside whispering, That's Emily Prentiss, and they wait for you to finish so you can wash your hands and hug them.

What are you going to miss most about the show?

Cook: Um, everything. The scenes in the jet are my favorites because it's such a tight space that we forget we're on a TV show and just enjoy hanging out together. This show, for me, was a coming of age. You can look online and find me in the beginning of season 1 wearing this ridiculous pink pinstriped blazer that will haunt me forever. I look like I'm 12. But I've grown up along with JJ. [Tearing up.] I'll miss it all so much.

Gubler: Likewise, I really look up to Spencer Reid, and I feel so honored to have played him for so long. I will miss his long, you know, three-page monologues of technical jargon about protons or whatever. I'll miss the way he holds his hands like an ostrich foot when he's solving a problem. He's definitely way smarter than I'll ever be, but I like to think that some Dr. Reid qualities have imbued themselves into my own personality a little bit. If nothing else, I've adopted his ever-changing hairstyles.

Tyler: I'll miss being an FBI badass. I'd love to take the FBI jacket, but it's absolutely illegal to walk around wearing it.

Vangsness: I can tell you what I won't miss. Garcia's glasses—because I have them all already. I've bought every pair she's ever worn, so I have a collection of around 65 at home. They remind me to be confident like her, to see life through her eyes. Garcia is my Sasha Fierce.

Brewster: I will miss the hot tub wine machine.

Hot tub wine machine?

Vangsness: You heard that right, mister. It's an epic hot tub party at my house that the women on the show have turned into a standing gig—or more like a floating gig.

Brewster: It's basically a therapy and gossip and splashing-around session fueled by chardonnay and rosé.

Tyler: And it's ladies only because it gets kinda frisky.

Rodriguez: This is a sore subject for me even as a very securely and happily married man.

Mantegna: They do send us pictures on group text, which is thoughtful of them.

Vangsness: I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to tell you that this fine tradition makes it into our last episode. I co-wrote the finale, and we tried to cram in as many little Easter eggs and satisfying plot tie-ups as we could, both for fans and for each other. So within the episode, you'll see the BAU version of hot tub time machine. We worked really hard solving these super-intense crimes over what will be 325 episodes. After all these years, don't you think we deserve a little spa time?

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

A Cinderella Story: If the Shoe Fits

Backstory: This is for sure one of the more unique backstories: Her father was a race driver, who taught Tessa about cars and auto-repair since “before she could walk”. So like... points for trying. But the reason why this score is so low will be discussed in the plot section.

5/15

Evilness of step-family: I feel like this is some trend in Cinderella movies where the writers have confused “locking Cinderella in her room” with... “Maybe I can just pretend like I'm my daughter and clearly nobody else is going to fucking notice that I'm a 40+ year old lady and not 16”.

These people were not even remotely “evil” by anybody's definition. They were just stupid.

And a STRONG argument could probably be made for the mental state of the step-mother in this movie. She carried... Well, the movie called it “taxidermy”, but it looked like a special-order stuffed toy. She carried a stuffed dog around, dressed it up, and not only would she talk to the thing, but she would also make it “reply”. For sure somebody who is not sound of mind.

Also, why was the step-mom so obsessed with Bella? Like can you even imagine what would have happened if Bella wasn't Tessa, but just an actual person? I would have called the police.

5/15

Whatever the fuck that was (because let's be honest: this goddamned movie was a motherfucking mess): So Tessa for sure had a friend who was more of the standard “fairy godmother” kind of trope, if only because she was a make-up artist. Who transformed Tessa into “Bella Snow”.

And I'm not going to deny that I've seen some talented make-up artists who can transform people's (or their own) faces into somebody who looks completely different.

But fam. Putting on a blonde wig and some lip-gloss does not magically make Tessa look like a different person. It was literally just Hannah Montana with the same level of stupidity.

Furthermore, there was some stage “magic”. And I know what most of you are probably thinking. Some smoke and a rip-away dress, and the actress comes out and she's in a ball gown and it's MAGIC. But no. Despite the fact that this was a movie that was set in the real world, with the exact same laws of physics that everybody else subscribes to (willingly or not)... Actual magic occurred on that stage in the very end. She was her “Cinderella ballgown” dress, but then she'd crawled through the air-ducts after having gotten stuck. She was dirty, her hair was a mess, and her dress was also in poor shape. But one puff of smoke later, and she's suddenly wearing a completely different dress, she's not only cleaned up, but also wearing make-up, her hair is completely straightened in and in a completely different style, and she's randomly wearing a tiara. All in the span of... let's say five seconds? It doesn't add up.

5/15

Relationship: Their relationship honestly felt kind of forced. It didn't help that this movie couldn't decide on a plot, so it kind of picked like three of them all at once. He was randomly attracted to “Bella” at first, simply because she was apparently the only girl at the talent competition who had any ounce of actual talent.

Then, he had a weird relationship with Tessa simply because... she was helping him fix his motorcycle. Well, I say “helping”, like she wasn't doing 100% of the actual work. And I have no idea why he even had a motorbike at all. Or why he couldn't have just taken it in to an actual mechanic if it was that broken?

And the ending was so stupid, too. The entire movie, they were like “Yeah, he's got a girlfriend, and it's this not!Paris Hilton girl, the daughter of the man who owns the hotel.” And he took video calls from said girlfriend and sure acted like they were in a romantic relationship.

But at the very end of the movie, he just randomly said to his manager “She's not my girlfriend. I don't even like her all that much.” I felt like it kind of came out of nowhere, and only just because the movie was ending and didn't actually want to pay the actress to come on set and say lines.

Overall, their relationship felt superficial, and they likely would have broken up in a week after they literally rode off into the sunset together. (I SHIT YOU NOT, THAT IS LITERALLY HOW THIS MOVIE ENDED.)

5/15

Plot: Oh boy. This movie had a plot. Actually, no, scratch that. This movie had too many plots going on, and it was super confused what kind of plot that it wanted to have in the first place.

Tessa is a mechanic. Sure, yeah. I actually kind of love this! It's feminist and she's a strong indep- what do you mean that she blindly follows her step-mother around and does everything that she says and does with zero motivation to do that? No, I'm serious. When my boyfriend and I were discussing this movie later, we were like: she must be at least 16 to have a job. Furthermore, in the other modern-day Cinderella movies, Cinderella at least had some reason WHY she was sticking around. Mommy is going to pay for school. Mommy is blackmailing me. Here? There's literally no reason why Tessa should do a damned thing that her mom says. She not only has a job, but it's a SKILLED job. She can literally spend the rest of her life working on cars, and could probably live fairly okay on that pay. There's no reason why Tessa should follow her mom around and pretend like a grown adult talking to a stuffed toy is normal.

And then the movie also wanted to be a movie about putting on a stage production. Which... Okay. Sure. I love me some meta. Except... that this ain't it. I don't think that a single one of the writers have actually ever put on a stage production in their lives. I'm willing to accepted highly choreographed “spontaneous” dance numbers... But what I'm not willing to accept is that they held an open casting call via a talent show in order to fill the role for a stage musical. A talent competition, in which some of the talents included things like magic. And I'm not saying that stage magic isn't interesting, but like... There is little overlap between “sawing girl in half” in comparison to “doing ballet and singing an operetta about how oppressed you are because you're Cinderella”. Furthermore, this entire movie took place in the span of an entire week. A WEEK. YOU DO NOT CAST FOR A PLAY ON MONDAY AND THEN HAVE OPENING NIGHT THAT FRIDAY.

Furthermore, there was more than simply just learning lines. There was also rehearsing... Which was made even harder because Tessa kept switching back and forth between being Tessa to fix Reed's motorcycle, and being Bella, the star of the show. All the while Reed who was supposed to be the prince was literally never on the stage the entire fucking time. When the fuck did anybody actually get in any rehearsal time with all of that nonsense going on?

Overall, this movie felt like it was stitched together from a couple of different ideas, and then the director picked up the very first draft and decided that it was good enough.

5/30

Misc: Let's say that Tessa actually is 16, which is the only reasonable explanation as to why she'd just go along with her step-mother's dumb idea to turn Tessa into a servant. First off, no hotel would just... have a random bed in a laundry storage area. Furthermore, nobody in their right mind would be like “Obviously, you can let your kid sleep here. This seems goddamned normal. I'M NOT GOING TO CALL THE POLICE ABOUT THIS OR TELL MY MANAGER OR ANYTHING. HAHAHA, NOPE.” Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

0/10

Final Score: 25/100. This movie had no idea what it was doing and should have never been made. PLEASE SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Copperhead Road 1

Supernatural RPF AU Story 

Request from an annon reader: Will you write a prohibition 1920′s story with Richard Speight Jr and the supernatural cast?

Author’s comment: I hope you enjoy! I think I will be able to stretch this out into the multiple parts that you asked for :) Crediting the movie Fried Green Tomatoes for using a line in the movie that worked so well in this story.

Words: 3,724

Pairings: Richard Speight Jr x Reader

________

What am I thinking?

It was the only thought that could go through your mind as you stared across the churchyard at Richard. You knew loving him was a bad idea! Sneaking around behind your father’s back was probably even worse! You swallowed looking at your father, the pastor of the local church, who was in an animated conversation with a member of the church. 

This is really bad! 

You couldn’t help but nervously fan yourself. It was hot in Nashville for June! Hot sticky and with all of the internal panicking you were doing it seemed to be closing in on you! Swallowing, you nervously glanced across the yard again. This time Richard’s eyes were glued to you. He raised an eyebrow as you quickly looked away. 

“Hello, Y/n.” 

You quickly looked to your side seeing your sister in law, Danneel. 

“Danneel, hi. I didn’t think that you would be here.” 

She smiled, clearly ignoring your mother and father’s less than enthusiastic expressions. 

“It's a town social, Y/n. Everyone comes to these things. Can we talk alone?”

You nodded and quickly followed her. This time not looking to your parents for approval because you knew that you wouldn’t be getting it. Your eyes were focused on Danneel’s back. That familiar sense of sadness washed over you again. You loved Danneel. Adored was a better word but you didn’t see her much. 

What was the reason...booze. Prohibition was probably a better way to look at it. After prohibition started, you seemed to have lost touch with a good chunk of your family. Jensen had gotten involved in alcohol running and was, for lack of a better term, kicked out of the family. You were devastated when it happened! It didn’t matter how much you begged your father to reconsider; he wouldn’t. To him, alcohol was the pathway to all evil. The fact that his son was involved in it was unforgivable. Your father’s close-minded attitude was no shock to you but it didn’t make the pain disappear.

Jensen, however, didn’t seem to mind. He was making more money for his family than he ever was working his old job. The two of you would see each other from time to time. It was mostly when you would sneak off to your brother’s home to make sure that the police hadn’t hauled him off to jail. 

This is where Richard came in...It was no secret to everybody in town that Richard’s family was one of the biggest bootlegging families in town. How he hadn’t been arrested was still a mystery to you. The law seemed to be looking the other way whenever he was concerned. Was it the money that he brought in a donated for good causes? That was the best that you could come up with.  

He was the type of man that your mother would have a heart attack if you showed interest in. Your father would have probably had you committed. You didn’t care though...at least not when you were with Richard. When you were at home with your holier than thou family members it was a different story. You were questioning everything..especially when your father started going on and on about secrets. 

Your father would have probably hit the floor if he knew that you had met Richard at one of Jensen and Danneel’s parties. When you were with Richard, you didn’t feel like the stupid Mary Sue that your parents made you feel like. Richard seemed to “value” you in a way that no one else seemed to. 

Sneaking around for 5 months had been the most devious and draining experience of your life! You were not afraid to say that you were in love with Richard. What scared you was the implications of this little love affair. If you agreed to marry Richard, like he wanted, you would be subjected to a lifetime of worry. You would be a nervous wreck every time that Richard left the house. What if he turned up dead or arrested? Would you be able to handle that? Were you really that strong of a person? 

You didn’t think so. That is what led to you breaking things off with Richard. It had been two weeks and you still felt like you couldn’t breathe. It didn’t help that he was sending you multiple bouquets of flowers a day. You were running out of excuses and lies to tell your parents. Your father rolled his eyes and would go back to reading his bible. While your mother would give you a knowing look that made your stomach churn. 

“Whoever the man is, he sure has some feelings for you. Are you sure that you don’t have any clue idea who it is?”

You would shake your head and quickly attempt to change the subject. 

“I think that you know why I am here.” 

Danneel’s  voice tore you from your thoughts. You quickly met your sister in law’s sweet smile. She was such a pretty woman, inside and out. It was a shame that your parents were so set in their ways that they wouldn't give her a chance. In the past few months, you finally were able to reconnect with her. 

“Richard sent you.” 

You muttered. Danneel nodded. 

“He doesn’t understand what exactly happened between the two of you. He is pathetically in love with you and I know that you are in love with him. If this is about your parents….” 

You held a hand up. 

“Danneel, you know mine and Jensen’s parents. If my father found out that I was dating Richard....well...you know him!”

Danneel smiled. 

“Maybe it is time that you start living your own life, like your brother? Y/n, over the past few months, I have seen a side of you that I never have before. You seem to be free and happy.” 

You pressed your lips together. 

“What if Richard gets tired of me? You know that if I chose to be with him, my father would have nothing to do with me ...”

Danneel gave you a warm motherly smile as she reached out and squeezed your hand. 

“I think that you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don’t think Richard would get tired of you. That should be the farthest worry from your mind.” 

You sighed. 

“What if he gets arrested or killed? Danneel, I am no fool. I know that you have the same worry about Jensen. I see it in your eyes every time he goes for a run.”

That serious expression that you had seen on her face so many times returned. She was silent for a moment before taking a reassuring breath.

“I don’t worry as much since he has started working for Richard. Y/n, this isn’t about me. This is about you. If you choose Richard, you know that Jensen and I would be there for you too. Your brother won’t let anything happen to you. Think about it okay?”

You nodded. 

“Okay. I have to get back.” 

You wrapped your arms around Danneel. Having no idea how long it would be before you saw here again; you wanted to savor the moment. Danneel stroked her hand over your face. 

“Stay sweet.” 

Danneel turned to walk in the opposite direction. She stopped and turned back to you with an amused smile.

“You’re lucky that I was the one to come talk to you. Richard wanted to send Matt and Rob.” 

The two of you exchanged an amused smirk. If Richard had sent his two right-hand men it would have been funny and awkward. Rob got so nervous around women that he would start stuttering then Matt would be trying to take care of him. You rolled your eyes at the thought. 

“See you soon.” 

(1 ½  hours later) 

Richard stood in his mother’s kitchen looking out at the yard. He had been in a sour mood since he had seen you earlier. For the past two weeks, he had been angrier than ever before. It didn’t matter that Jensen told him that he would send Danneel to talk to you. What was going to happen if Danneel didn’t get through? If she didn’t, apparently no one would. 

I sure as hell am not getting anywhere 

Richard thought coldly. He was still trying to figure out just what happened between the two of you. Everything was fine...perfect was more like it! You were the first woman that he really had any interest or time for. Between working and dealing with keeping the police off of his ass, Richard didn’t have the time to fool with any of the gossipy women in the town. You were different. To Richard, you were the forbidden fruit that he wasn’t supposed to have. A preacher’s daughter wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone like him...but you did.

That was what stumped Richard the most. You seemed to be totally in love with him. In the course of five months, you had seemed to throw every one of your families “values” out the window to sneak and see him. 

“You need to let that girl go.” 

Richard turned around to look at his mother. She sat with a book open in front of her. Richard sighed. 

“It isn’t that easy, mama.” 

His mother smiled softly. 

“I know that you love her. I am not that insensitive, son. You’re a very smart man. I think you know that her father will raise holy hell if he finds out that his daughter is dating you. Our family doesn’t have that much regard in their social circles.” 

Richard rolled his eyes and sat down across from his mother. Normally, he wouldn’t talk like this in front of his mother but today was different. 

“Her father can kiss my ass.” 

His mother shot him that look of parental contempt. 

“Richard, you need to stop. Her father is a man of god. No matter his feelings on us or if he's two-faced as hell, he is still Y/n’s father. What if it was your daughter?”

Richard snorted. 

“I don’t think that we have to worry about that happening do we?”

“It's a fair question.”

Richard stared at his mother quietly. If she was anyone but his mother….he would have given her an earful. 

“If she was my daughter, I would want her to be happy. I can take care of her. She wouldn’t want for anything. Fine mama, you have a point! I know being with us would be dangerous but  damn it I am in love with her.” 

Before his mother could respond Jensen walked into the kitchen with Rob behind him. Richard almost jumped out of his chair. 

“Did Danneel talk to Y/n?”

Jensen held a hand up. 

“Have a drink or something! Yes, she talked to her. Y/n is in love with you but she’s worried about the lifestyle.” 

Richard frowned. 

“What’s your opinion?” 

Jensen shrugged. 

“I’m not worried about the lifestyle. We are doing just fine. Y/n still gives a damn about what our folks think too. She needs to stop worrying about what people think. She always does the right thing. Y/n takes care of all of those kids at the church school. She’s gonna take care of mama and dad when they get sick. That is just Y/n. You had to go falling in love with the nicest girl on the planet. Richard, the nicest girl on the planet is still a kid in a lot of ways...but...you would be good to her. I wouldn’t have to worry about you mistreating her. A lot of these bastards in this town that have their eyes on her...I don’t want them to even think about touching her. You want my opinion, go to my parents and sweep her off her feet before some other fool does. Save us both the heartache and worry.” 

Richard thought about Jensen’s comment for a minute. 

“And get myself shot?” 

Jensen chuckled. 

“My dad doesn’t know how to work a weapon. We both know that. You should do something.” 

(Later that night) 

You lay in bed looking at the ceiling. After returning home, you quickly excused yourself upstairs. Claiming that you weren’t feeling well seemed like the best idea. Your mother assumed that it was just the heat getting to you and agreed that turning in would be in your best interest. 

The sound of something lightly hitting your window caught your attention. You lay until the second and third tap hit your window. As quietly as possible you opened the window to see Richard standing looking up to you. 

You quickly looked over your shoulder as if you were checking to make sure your parents were asleep. It was 11. You knew that they were sleeping hard at this point. Looking over your shoulder was to make yourself feel better. 

Turning your attention back to Richard, you took a breath. 

“What are you doing here?”

You hissed quietly. Richard raised an eyebrow. 

“I need to talk to you about apparently this is the only way to do it!” 

You knew that he was angry. He had every right to be in too. The break up was so quick that you didn’t give him a chance to ask questions! 

Opening our window a little wider, you motioned him forward. 

“They are asleep. If you can keep your voice down come in here.” 

Richard rolled his eyes. This had to be the most unorthodox childish thing that he had done in some time! 

The things I would do for this girl…

Richard thought as he hoisted himself into the window. You stood looking at him with trembling hands. He fought the urge to say something sassy.

“Hi.”

You squeaked. Richard put a hand over his face before glancing out the window. He didn’t like the height difference from your window to the ground. 

“Hi? Hi? After all of this crap the past two weeks...all I get is a hi? Darlin, I am getting awful old to be climbing in windows for only a hi.”

You didn’t smile. In fact, you didn’t seem to register his words at all. Richard was no fool. You were a nervous wreck! The expression on your face was a mirror to your soul.

“Y/n, I’ve missed you. You looked awful pretty today.”

You smiled. God, you missed this man! It was taking all that you had not to run to him. 

“You didn’t come all the way over here to tell me that I looked pretty. I talked to Danneel.” 

Richard smiled. 

“And?”

You threw your hands up.

“What do you want me to say, Rich?” 

Richard's frown intensified. 

“I want you to tell me that you want me as much as I want you. Y/n, I know what you are worried about and nothing is going to happen to me or you. I think that I of all people know how to keep someone safe. I want to marry you. I don’t give a damn what your parents have to say either. If we have to elope, that's fine with me too.” 

Eloping? Wow, that would be the way to push your parents over the edge! The rebellious daughter that had always wanted to come out was jumping with glee. The “good girl”,  however, was less than amused. 

Richard smiled before reaching out and pressing a kiss to your lips. You stood motionless for a moment before wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you stood in silence just enjoying the physical contact.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think about it for the next day or so, if the answer is yes...you know where to find me. Just know that if you say yes...I’ll make you very happy.” 

Richard gave you one more kiss before looking at the window. 

“Well, time to get out of here. Hope to see you soon sugar.”

________

[mst3kproject]

Psychomania

MST3K featured some British movies; they had a couple of zombie movies; and they did way too many biker movies.  So here is a British zombie biker movie, because of course that exists.  I don’t think anybody in it was ever on MST3K except for Rocky Taylor, who was an extra in Gorgo, but director Don Sharp did make a couple of Fu Manchu movies and you know my stance on those.  And if you’re interested, the butler is George Sanders, who sounds familiar because he was the voice of Shere Khan in the original Jungle Book.

The Living Dead are a biker gang I just cannot take seriously, mostly because their helmets look so much like something Kinga’s Boneheads would wear.  Leader Tom is obsessed by the idea of becoming one of the undead.  He’s pretty sure his mother – a psychic who holds seances in her incredibly mod dining room – and her ageless butler know something about it, and tricks them into revealing the secret.  The next day he commits suicide, but he’s back soon after, encouraging his friends to join him in zombiehood.  One by one they off themselves in spectacular fashion, but Tom’s girlfriend Abby wakes up in the hospital instead of the morgue, and realizes this is madness.  How can she take on an entire zombie biker gang all by herself, though?

Spoiler time: she can’t.  Tom’s mom casts a spell that turns them all to stone, Abby has a nervous breakdown, and I guess the butler was the devil the whole time.  It sucks.

Weirdly, I’m one of the few people who seems to think so.  This movie has an eighty percent on Rotten Tomatoes and has been described with words like ‘effective’ and ‘tightly-knit’.  I have no idea what drugs the people who said that were on, because it is definitely neither of those.  As crummy movies go it’s pretty coherent and you do care about Abby, who is the nearest thing to a heroine (although Tom is closer to being a POV character), but the plot is dumb and the zombies are about the least interesting undead I’ve ever seen in a movie.

I’m gonna keep calling the revenant bikers ‘zombies’ but they don’t rot or eat brains, so it’s mostly for lack of a better word.  You’d think being undead would come with both powers and drawbacks, but this seems to involve neither.  They can’t die, and they may or may not have super-strength (I can’t tell), but other than that they’re exactly the same as they were when alive.  Undead bikers walk into churches and wander around in broad daylight with no problem.  They can apparently still eat and drink, although I guess they don’t have to. They’re not even cold to the touch… in fact, when Abby pretends for a while to be a zombie, it turns out even they can’t tell the difference between the living and the undead!

Tom’s mom is delighted to see him back from the dead but when the others start joining him she freaks out, saying it’s evil. I think it was okay when he did it because he had a magic toad amulet to protect him and his friends didn’t, but exactly what the difference is and what it means for them, we’re never told.  If they’ve lost their souls or whatever, we don’t hear about it.  They don’t seem to be any more callous assholes than they were when they were alive. Nor do we learn anything about the locked room where Tom’s father died, even though it sounds like it’s gonna be a big plot point.  There’s a flashback in which Tom’s mother sells him to the devil but that doesn’t seem to relate to anything much.

Based on the setup, I figured Abby would eventually go to Tom’s mother for help and the two of them would defy the satanic butler end the zombies’ reign of terror together, but no.  Instead, the Mom’s getting off her ass to do something about the situation is prompted by Tom’s decision to murder all the police officers and teachers in the country, and it’s the butler who helps her with what she does… which makes no sense after it’s been repeatedly implied that he’s the devil!  The ending we get is one in which Abby’s life is saved by mere coincidence, and it feels like a cop-out.

Toads are a motif of sorts in the movie. There’s the toad amulet Tom carries for protection, and the satanic butler wears a toad ring.  There’s also a toad that Tom catches at the beginning and that the butler seems to keep as a pet until Tom’s mom uses it in her dark ritual at the end, when she turns into a toad as a punishment for breaking her pact with the devil.  It’s obvious that toads are supposed to be connected with evil, but exactly how the symbolism works here is never clear.  I kept wondering if the explanations were cut to fit the time slot… but then I remind myself that this wasn’t actually on MST3K.

I’m equally confused about what we’re supposed to think of the bikers.  The only time we really see them out of their leather jackets and bonehead helmets is when they’re holding their own funeral for Tom – and it’s a pretty hippy-dippy funeral for a bunch of death metal bikers, too.  They all wear bright colours and make flower wreaths to throw into the grave, which doesn’t exactly make them seem like murderous psychopaths. Tom’s the only one who has any prior interest in suicide, and it seems odd that they’d all just hop to killing themselves when they know there’s a chance they won’t have enough ‘faith’ to rise again.  None of them regret it.  I guess why would they, when the difference between ‘alive’ and ‘dead’ is minimal.

Some of the badass bikers go by have nicknames like Hatchet, Gash, and Hinky.  The others use their own names, like Tom, Abby, and Bertram.  Yep, Bertram.

The very concept of zombie bikers is one that seems to call for excess, for wild stunts and body parts strewn across the screen, for dark rituals or people losing arms in accidents and then just stapling them back on.  There is absolutely none of that in Psychomania, and it’s weirdly indecisive about the violence it does show. There’s a scene where Tom begins to strangle a barfly, and the bit where a truck rolls down a hill and explodes in a huge fireball, but actual deaths are kept tastefully offscreen (there is a pretty neat shot in which three murders are hidden by a pan around the room, but it stands out as a ‘neat shot’ rather than a storytelling device) and I don’t think I saw a drop of blood or heard a single swear word in the entire movie. Although there was a scene in which one of the bikers pulls up and parks next to a ‘no parking’ sign.

Almost the entire movie is shot outdoors on sunny days, in bright 60’s technicolour, which has killed the mood of many a horror movie of this vintage.  Tom even emerges from his grave in broad daylight, where any self-respecting undead abomination would surely wait for nightfall!  Also, oddly, it seems to take Tom way longer to resurrect than it did his friends.  They woke up in the morgue, before their autopsies even began, while he had time for a whole funeral.  Is there a reason for this?  I have no idea.

I have to admit, there’s some fairly nice choreography (car-eography?) in some of the scenes where the bikers disrupt traffic. There’s also a pretty cool use of mirrors while Tom explores the locked room, although as I mentioned, that’s rendered ultimately pointless.  The hallucination Abby has after her overdose is okay, too – it presents on the one hand the potential eternity with the man she loves, and on the other the horror she will visit upon her family through her suicide, and it’s quite a bit clearer about that than just about anything else in the movie.

The fact that Abby chooses an overdose as her way to die is telling.  The others all choose far more spectacular methods: motorcycle crashes, leaping out a window or off a bridge, drowning in a river.  These are all events that will definitely kill or maim, things there are no turning back from, while an overdose can be treated with minimal ill effects if it’s caught in time.  This goes with what she tells Tom later – she doesn’t really want to die.  She wants to be saved, and so she is (although who found her and got her to the hospital is another thing we never find out).

I guess this is a movie about the romanticization of suicide.  Tom wants to make a suicide pact with Abby so that they can be together forever, and the song performed at his funeral is all about how death is better than being a law-abiding member of society!  Unfortunately, there’s only the most minimal attempt to deal with a suicide’s effect on loved ones, and besides Tom, none of them seem to bother contacting anybody else they knew while alive.  The story does make the point, with Abby’s reluctance, that suffering is temporary but suicide is forever, yet the lack of consequences or limitations on the zombies means there’s no real force behind it.  Free spirited types are known to describe others as ‘zombies’, and inverting this into them being literal zombies could have been cool, but it wasn’t.  The whole movie feels like everybody was too shy to take it far enough.

As a final note, I am obsessed with the set design in Tom’s mother’s house, which is the only thing here that really counts as outrageous.  She’s got one wall painted with a nebula and another with a giant geometric fish.  The latter looks like something you find in bits at the Goodwill and buy even though you have nowhere to put it, and it steals every shot it’s in.  I want to knit a sweater with it as a motif.  Hands-down, the best thing in the whole movie.