#stop being in my dreams evert night

[rimunagenius]

I loveeee your writing! could you write some head canons about Caitlin clark dating a famous pop star think Sabrina carpenter and her just being obsessed with reader, talking about her non stop in interviews ect

hi anon! i love this idea and thank you so much!💕

Caitlin Clark x Pop Star!reader

you met the most cliche way but super cute nonetheless

you had been sitting court side at an iowa game after the wrap of your tour

you had been a basketball fan since you were a little girl; you played growing up and in college as well before pursuing your music career

she had caught your eye, you having a little crush on her (her confidence through the TV when you followed on tour, enticed you insanely)

your relationship is definitely she fell first and she fell harder (you fell first and she fell harder)

Caitlin loved your music, putting the whole team on you so when she saw you in the crowd, courtside, she came to impress

you just so happened to show up on the biggest night of her career (she broke all those records and she’ll say it was her playing…her teammates would say your presence contributing to her ambition to break the records quicker)

after the game, you stayed behind, talking to your other friends in the music industry who had been there when some of the team came up to you asking for pictures

Caitlin had press interviews, and when they were over so you asked to take a picture with her

“I should be asking you this question, shouldn’t i?” She smiled at you before putting her arm around your waist, and you to her taking the picture

“My biggest flex is I met my celeb crush.” You told your crowd at your small venue show. “I met the Caitlin Clark, and she’s so much prettier in person.”

You treated your fans like your friends. doing a lot of crowd work and have conversations. You told them the real meaning behind ‘because i liked a boy’

a fan had recorded and leaked the footage, it everting around everywhere and inevitably reaching Caitlin

Jada had showed Kate, who had told Caitlin

That’s when Caitlin had it bad

For the next several weeks after that clip went to the media you and Caitlin went back and forth sharing posts to your story of eachother with “stunning” (directed to you) and “i’m your #1 fan” (directed to her)

you didn’t try and hide it your lyrics more controversial than admitting you had a crush a Caitlin

then you both were at a event, you shooting your shot and inviting her as your date

You guys talked more after the stories so inviting her seemed like the right move to you in starting your evolving relationship

you guys definitely were close that night…

i’m talking paparazzi getting shots of you where Caitlin just so happened to have her arms or hands on your waist

then she started appearing more at your shows wether they were small venues or big arenas

Caitlin definitely was starting to get more confident and cocky with you

“this wouldn’t be an issue if you were my girl already”

“oh, so you got something to ask me?”

“no because you already know you want me, and you know i want you.”

Cait obv asks you to be her gf despite this, and it was very intimate and romantic

the hard launch went absolutely bonkers too because both of your fandoms were so large

you made ten times more appearances at her games, courtside, and repping her number loud and proud

you wrote songs about her, and they did so well because you guys were the model couple

“So how do you feel now that you’re dating the Caitlin Clark?” you’d get asked that so frequently the answer was automatic

“Like the luckiest girl in the world.” It was cheesy but it was true

your dream come true

you were subtle; no matter how cocky Caitlin had gotten and how she was usually the most dominant one (Cait is definitely a top and the more masc one when she’s put in a wlw relationship…can’t change my mind)

but was your biggest cheerleader and wouldn’t stop gushing about you when you came up in press interviews

she’d find ways to bring you up like

“oh, me and my girlfriend…”

“my girlfriend would’ve thought that was funny…”

“my girlfriend…”

you two were literally meant to be

two big careers matched you both

[nad-zeta]

HC: Warlords react to  MC being a Professional Belly dancer

Hey there, love! Thanx so much for the request @kickingasssince98! Lol, side note I’m not super familiar with belly dancers, so I had to google it, so if it’s little off, I do apologize  ^_^ I hope you enjoy! 

Nobunaga

Nobunaga comes home late one night from one of his war council.

He hears music from your room and well curiosity killed the cat

But satisfaction brought it straight back to life cause omw when he saw you he was awe stuck

He stood by the doors watching you with a massive smirk on his face the whole time

The way your body looked, and the way the sequins shimmered and shined in the light was just enchanting

Not to mention the sensual way your body and hips moved as you danced

His eyes never left your hips

When you dance you feel like you are teleported to another place, it made you feel more confident. more sensual, and definitely sexier and boy did it show

Who knew his fireball could dance like his, this boy definitely had a dirty thought or two

At this point his eyes were dark with desire

It took Nobu .02 seconds to walk over to you and place his hand on your hip while you were dancing

He couldn’t help but caress your hips and sides, and you dance, he is definitely nibbling your ear while you continue your private dancing session for him

He couldn’t hold back anymore he pulled you closer towards him and kissed you passionately

That night the two of you slept like babies, *Ahem* probably due to certain activities.

The next day he demanded you put the music back on so he can give you a performance of his own

You see Nobunaga also knows a few dance moves himself 

Two of you actually dance together in private quite often.

Hideyoshi

Hideyoshi was suspicious of you sneaking out at night

Like where the hell is she going this late at night

He spots you in the garden in your full belly dancing outfit and boy does he have to do a bit of a double take

The first thing he can think is WHERE IS HER JACKET IT SUCH A COLD NIGHT, and why is she out here dancing anyways

He slowly makes his way up to you watching you with worry in his eyes

He pauses halfway when he sees your fluid dancing

He is enchanted by the way your body moves, it’s so damn sensual

Once your dance is done, he drapes his hoari over your shoulder and leads you by the hand back to his room to warm you up with a cup of tea

You sheepishly drink your tea still in your belly dancing outfit

Now that he sees you in the light, he is low key turned on

“Tell me more about this dance.”

You explained that you were a professional belly dancer back in your time and that you missed it

Since then you were only allowed to belly dance for him, he can’t have anyone else seeing you beautiful dancing much less all that skin you are showing

These private belly dancing sessions will definitely lead to something a bit more PG13 if you catch my drift

Ieyasu

You decided one day you wanted to do something special for Ieyasu’s birthday

So you decided to put on your dancer clothes and give him a bit of a private performance. You played music and started warming up while you waited for him

He walked into his room after a long day’s work and stopped in his tracks when he saw you

His eyes couldn’t leave your silhouette, you were absolutely breathtaking

He walked in his room and was shook, his mouth hung open and he everted his eyes while making himself known by clearing his throat

You smiled at him and sat him down telling him that you had prepared a special performance for him

Cue Ieyasu turning into a blushing mess, his brain felt like it was short-circuiting

Shit

You were absolutely breathtaking from your outfit to the way your body moved in tune of the music

He stood up and walked towards you, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

He pinned you to the ground and started kissing you

Definitely turned out to be the best birthday ever

He will be sure to tell you in his own contrary way how much he loved your performance and how happy it made him.

Definitely drops some hints in the future about wanting to see you dance some more

Masamune

You are cooking some food for your date with Masamune when you hear some music playing in the distance

Your hips and body automatically move to the rhythm and beat of the song

Gosh you missed belly dancing

Masamune walked in the kitchen to offer you some help when he saw the sensual way you were dancing while stirring the pot

This boy couldn’t help but get behind you and place his hands on your hips

His hips moved in tune with yours, and he took the spoon from your hands

The two of you sensually danced together for hours.

Massa would pepper the back of your neck kisses and little bites

Needless to say, these kisses escalated to something a little more wild and passionate  

It has become a new cooking favorite for you to belly dance while cooking and masa to spontaneously join in

You love to give your S/O a little bit of a performance to show him all your moves when the two of you are in private

These performances definitely resulted in some sexy times between the two of you

Mitsunari

Mitsunari was coming back from the archives when he heard music coming from your shared room

He gently opened the door and saw you wearing the most beautiful outfit

This boy be Awestruck, he couldn’t take his eyes off you

HE was completely enchanted and absorbed in the way you were moving and dancing around

He was a little red, it felt like he was watching something that he really shouldn’t be

You spotted him in the doorway and pulled him inside the room and started dancing around him

He had so many questions!

When you were done dancing, he asked you all about your dance and the strange clothes you were wearing

He beamed up at you, kisses you and tells you how wonderful he thinks your dancing is

He is super supportive and definitely loves to see you practice your moves even asking you to teach him a few

He couldn’t help but dream all about you that night. The way your soft body moved so sensually

Mitsuhide

Ohhohohooooooho

“My my my, well what have we here”

“Are you trying to tempt me little mouse”

He will watch you from the doorway of your shared room with a smoldering gaze as you move your hips to the rhythm of the music

His eyes will gloss over your every curve, and hr can’t help but smirk at your fluid, sensual movements

Like hot damn

He can watch his little mouse dance all-day

You spot him spying on you and give him a smirk of your own, leading him into the room and guiding him to sit down

You dance around him, and he can’t help but think you a very crafty snek charmer they way you dance and move around him

At some point, you even teasingly wrap your scarf around his neck while smirking at him

Cue error Mitsuhide

He is quick to recompose himself using his own scarf to pull you closer to him

This belly dance has now turned into a lap dance lol

He definitely couldn’t help but touch every inch of your exposed skin and pepper you with kisses

You had just discovered sneki boi weakness

He definitely picks up a few moves from you to use in his own performances when he goes out on secret missions undercover as a performer

Insists that the two of your practice together, will probably lead to some other activities if you catch my drift

[tinybibmpreg]

Day 70 // ft. Pythrormr, Ezra, and Oliver & Alban

#7 / Weapon

“What? Does that feel good?” Ezra held the knife tightly in his hand, smiling up at Pythrormr as the man’s scales darkened and his headfeathers ruffled. “Do you like being cut up?”

“Mm, yessss… You cut my neck the night Oliver was- ah!” A quick slice of the blade left a shallow cut on the reptilian’s neck. Green blood welled up, and Pythrormr swallowed hard. Ezra was glad that the man was laying back, propped up against a stack of pillows, so he could nip at his mouth without having to pull him down. Reptilians were quite tall compared to humans, and Pythrormr was especially large, built like the warrior he was. Ezra smirked as he groaned, and pressed a harsh kiss to his lips. Their teeth clacked together, and he tasted blood. “Beloved…”

“So, the Gods are into knives, are they?” He had no memory of the nights any of his children were conceived, as his Gods had possessed his body to carry out their will. “Or did they just know what a masochist you are?”

“B-both, I think.”

“Goodness, look at you. You’re half a mess, and I’ve only cut you twice.”

“You know how sensitive I am.”

“Of course I do.” Ezra rubbed the man’s swollen belly. “You’re practically insatiable. Now, be a good boy and settle down. No untoward behavior until after the wedding.” He pushed himself away from Pythrormr, hiding his smile as the man protested.

“We have two, soon to be at least four, children! No one will care if we make love outside of marriage.”

“The Gods will.”

“They’re the ones who impregnated me with your body three times.”

“Exactly! If they wanted me to have sex with you before we get married, they would take over my body again, or speak to me and tell me it was alright.”

“Please… It’s already maddening that I can’t evert, won’t you help me?” Pythrormr wrapped his tail around his waist, pulling him back. “Dearest…”

The human chuckled, and put a finger over the other’s lips. “Ah, ah. We talked about this. I’ll let you stay by my side only if you respect my beliefs and traditions. The boys are obedient, I’m sure you can be too.”

“Oh, alright. But it’s easier for them. They’re children.”

“Oliver struggles with the rules.”

“Only because he’s still upset about what happened with the Cosmos clan. Besides, Alban is an infant. He doesn’t count.”

“I suppose not. Why don’t you go check on him?” Sighing, Pythrormr got up, tied a blanket around his waist, and went into the next room. Oliver was sleeping, curled up around his pillow, his blankets in disarray. He jolted awake when he heard the sound of someone entering the room.

“It’s just me, dear. Go back to sleep.” He stopped at Oliver’s bedside and stroked the boy’s hair. “You’re safe.”

“I had a bad dream, Father.” Oliver reached up at him, so. Pythrormr picked him up. The boy tucked his head against his father’s throat, and then made a curious sound. “You’re bleeding…”

“Nothing to worry about, dear. Just a little ritual between your father and I.” He nuzzled the boy’s head, and walked over to Alban’s crib. The baby stared up at him with the tip of his forked tongue sticking out, squirming. His little tail curled and unfurled. “Hello, sweetling. Did you have bad dreams too?”

Alban gave a quiet whine, and Oliver extended an arm down towards his brother. “Hussshhh. I’m here, kitten.” Pythrormr lifted up the baby as well, and cradled him against his chest. “My poor little dears, plagued by nightmares. I wonder if your father has a remedy for that.”

“He’s still up?”

“Of course.” He brought both children to the bedroom.

Ezra was cleaning the knife off. He gave it one final wipe and returned it to its sheath. Then, he looked up and gave the boys a smile. “Hello, children. You’re still awake?”

“We had nightmares.” Ezra took Oliver from Pythrormr and set the boy on his lap. “Do you ever have nightmares, sir?”

“When I was a boy, I had all sorts of bad dreams. Now, I don’t dream at all unless the Gods are showing me something.”

“What’d you do when you had them?” Oliver asked.

“Well, my mother would take me on her lap, like this.” He turned Oliver towards him, and wrapped his arms around him, clasping his hands together behind the boy’s back. “And then she would ask me about my dreams. Then, she would tell me a story until I fell back asleep.

Pythrormr climbed back onto the bed, pulling a few blankets over himself, just beneath his chest. He let Alban curl up on top of him, and rubbed the baby’s back. He purred, a low rumble deep in his chest, and Alban purred as well.

Ezra reached over and plucked Alban off, putting him between Oliver and himself. Pythrormr hissed quietly, glaring. “I had a little sister once, and Mother would hold us like this during rough nights.”

Hugging his brother, Oliver smiled. “Hi, Alban!”

“Ah!” Alban cooed, his purring growing louder. “Ah-li!”

“Beloved…. I was holding him.”

“How can I tell them both a story properly if Alban is over with you?” Ezra grinned at him, his eyes opening as wide as they could with the threads connecting his eyelids. “Besides, you must be tired, carrying the clutch. You should pull on your pajamas to keep warm and get rest.”

Grumbling, Pythrormr protested, “I can hold my baby even if I’m tired.” Still, he found his night clothes in the folds of the blankets and pulled them on. Ezra reached over to give his belly a rub before hooking his hands back around the children.

To Pythrormr, Ezra said, “Sleep well, General.” Then, he turned his focus back to the boys and asked, “Why don’t you tell me about your bad dream, Oli?”

“I was dreaming about being on the run with Alban and Maura again.”

“Was it a memory?”

“It started off as one, and then it got kind of different… I ended up hurting Maura, and then her master hurt me and took Alban away again while I was trying to hide.”

“How did you hurt Maura?”

“With a bent, bloody pipe.”

“And how did you come across a pipe?”

“We were in an alley, in the city, and-” Oliver stopped there, a haunted look in his two-toned eyes. “And there was junk everywhere.”

“Why did you pick up the pipe?” Oliver whimpered, and Pythrormr had a strong feeling that Oliver had been holding the bloody pipe in the memory, and not the nightmare. “Okay, then why did you hurt Maura in your dream?”

“She... she was mad at me. Which didn’t really happen. Maura never got mad at me.”

“Why was she mad?”

“Cause I did something that made her scared. Only it made her mad instead.”

“...What did you do to upset her?”

“You’ll just get mad at me if I tell you. It’s not a nice thing.”

“But it was a nightmare. You didn’t really do anything to upset her.”

“No… Her getting mad was what was different. Everything before that was real.” He looked down at Alban, and his brother cooed up at him. “Can you just tell a story?”

“Oliver… Did you hurt someone besides Maura?”

“I was just protecting us. He was gonna take us back to Maura’s master.”

“How badly did you hurt him with your pipe?”

Oliver sniffled, burying his face against his brother’s head. Ezra rubbed his back until Oliver finally mumbled, “I killed him. And I kept hitting him until Maura told me to stop, ‘cause I was really scared…”

“You did the right thing, dear.” Pythrormr told him. Ezra glanced over at him, and Pythrormr stared at him, daring him to say anything different. “You were protecting your brother. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“No, of course not. Now, how about we put all those bad memories aside and I’ll tell you an old story my mother used to tell me and the other sister I once had.”

Oliver lifted his head, perking up. “How many sisters do you have, sir?”

“None. I haven’t had sisters in a very long time.”

[britishvamps]

Spring Day

Prompt: 16. So, I found this waterfall... 25. Have you lost your damn mind?

*Based ever so slightly on The Mortal Instruments/ Shadowhunters. Renjun is sort of like the Jace Herondale in this imagine. And instead of Renjun being the Nymph, you are and he is the hunter.* Fifteen days of NCT, Halloween edition. Day Four

Fandom: NCTzen (NCT 127, DREAM, U) Member: Huang Renjun (NCT DREAM) Warnings: Angst, mentions of death Word Count: 1402

Photo creds to @zeromilenct

[nymph] - /nimf/

Creative and fostering spirit of nature, inhibiting mountains, springs and rivers.

Despite the tricky life we lead, being a nymph was fun. Despite the lies we had to tell, there was no fault or mishaps in our lives. Despite usually living beside a river, in mountains, forests or by springs, we were forced to live somewhere far away from nature, hindering our connection with nature. As descendants of Forest and Land Nymphs and Water Nymphs, we relied heavily on our surroundings being earthly and alongside various bodies of water. 

That was until the day where were left alone, but we were taken in by his family.

We lead a peaceful life until the night our parents were taken from us. The night where we were forced to grow up faster than most children. Dragged into the city, we were left by the men who had taken our parents. The night where everything went wrong replayed over and over.

“Mama! Papa!” My four year old self screamed after the truck, my brother, at the time aged ten, pulled me back away from the oncoming cars on the old dirt road of the forest that had lead us to the city where the men who had taken our parents abandoned us. “(Y/N) stop! We won’t be able to reach them!” (Y/B/N) screamed over your wails and the beeps of the cars.

Seeing red, I screamed louder, causing the ground to shake around, cracks appeared on the ground, causing cars to swerve and stopped abruptly. Pieces of rocks lifted above our heads, dropping in various places in a mile radius of where we were. “(Y/N), calm down! They’ll find us if you continue acting so recklessly. Mama and papa would not be happy to know that they’ve caught us.” He spoke, tone softer but still stern as finally I calmed down. The violent shaking halted, rocks lowered back into the ground as more and more people began appearing to see the horror of an “earthquake” that as quickly as it came, it left and so did we.

Until we stumbled upon them. The human family of hunters with the unfortunate gift of Sight. They called themselves ‘Shadowhunters’ which was a funny title because Nymphs never hid in the shadows. As Nymphs, we had a long, winding and strange history with them. From distance relatives, to enemies on the battlefield to allies in wars and now finally we stood upon a truce. Nymphs cause no disturbance of a proportional scale, we get left in peace.

But from the looks they gave, they did not see us as enemies nor allies, but as lost children. And they took us in. With their son, Renjun, who at first, did not like the idea of extra people in the house but quickly accommodated the two of us.

Many years had passed since the Huang family had taken us in. We were now a lot older and fully in control of the powers that we possessed. (Y/B/N) was a confirmed Water Nymph, controlling all bodies of water and liquids, whereas I was a Forest Nymph, having power over both water and various landforms. The Huang’s became a second family to us, teaching us about our histories, both Shadowhunter and Nymphs, along with the various other creatures humans deemed deities or mythological.

Now seventeen and I were in full control of I inherited powers but there was only one issue who came with the name Huang Renjun. To say the least, he still did not like the fact that he had to share everything in the past 13 years. We were both the same age which made our head butting so much more infuriating for not only us but for everybody else as well. As expected, his parents believed it was because we liked each other.

The absurd thought! So I thought.

One day, I was wandering through the little forest that was behind our house, in hopes of finding something that I had never discovered before in my years of roaming through it. And when I did, the biggest look of joy was tightly etched on my face before I turned and ran back all the way home in search for someone so I could tell the9m about my fantastic discovery but all I saw was Renjun. “Oh! Hi, umm, where’s (Y/B/N)?” I asked, looking around vaguely before staring back at the boy who was sat on the couch tapping away at the screen of his phone. “They all went out a while ago. Just us.” He mumbled. “Okay, so, I found this waterfall...” I trailed off expecting an answer as I kept looking at him. Giving a disgruntled sound of reply, he continued scrolling through his phone. “And?” He said, finally putting his phone away and looking at me quizzically. “And... I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for a swim.” I said, giving my infamous puppy eyes hoping he would crack and come with me. But all he did was stare blankly back at me before saying, “Have you lost your damn mind?! Its not even sunny.”  He forespoke sighing, before he looked at me. “Hurry up and get your stuff before I change my mind.” And off I zoomed to change into my swimsuit under my clothes and pack some food for us to eat before we walked over to the waterfall.

I entered the water immediately after we got there, dipping my head underneath to see the little fish swimming past me before standing back up and looking at Renjun who was still stood at the edge of the water staring down at me. “Am I going to have to force you to get in here or will you be getting in willingly?” I shouted over the roar of the waterfall behind me. Shaking his head, he unexpectedly began removing his shoes, shirt and jeans before he dove into the water, swimming towards me and as I stood floating with my head above the water, his hand wrapped itself around my ankle, pulling me underneath. Shoving him away, I pushed myself back up breaking the waters surface. “You’re such a jerk.” I said, splashing him before hastily swimming to the waterfall, disappearing through the quick rushing water, knowing Renjun was following me.

Breaking through the surface of the water, I lifted myself to sit at the edge of the waterfall as Renjun popped out of the water. “Show me your powers (Y/N/N).” He asked, as he pulled himself up and sat beside me, feet splashing mine slightly. “Sure.” And I turned slightly to the right, facing a small puddle of water that I had formed when I came out of the lake. Placing my hand somewhat over it, I focused on what I was trying to do and that’s when the water started bubbling and heating up.

“I control all forms of liquids, not just water.” I said, looking at Renjun’s reaction as his eyes somewhat widened whilst watching the water bubble before it started becoming steam.

(POV Change)

The two of you continued playing around and splashing one another for ages before you finally decided it was time to eat. Sitting down by the water, a little distance from waterfall as you both began eating the food you had prepared earlier.

About an hour had passed since we went back into the water after eating and Renjun was suddenly acting a lot weirder. Keeping his distance from me and no longer playing around like we had earlier on. “Junnie-ah, what’s up?” I asked, swimming closer to him, trapping him between my body and the rocky edge behind him. “Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?” He rushed, words practically spilling out of his mouth as he once again everted eye contact with me. Moving closer, I placed my hands on his shoulders to stop myself from going underwater despite being able to keep my body afloat. Renjun blushed a beetroot red when he realised my body was placed flush against his. “A-ah, yah! What are you doing?!” He outbursts, pushing my body away but not removing his hands from my waist. “Junnie, by any chance, do you li-” He cut me off by roughly placing his lips upon mine, silencing my question and thoughts as he moved his mouth against mine.

[rosetintedglassesbs]

Everything I wish you could read, but also goodbye.

Dear R, I’ve lost track of how many letters I have typed and posted on here, so let’s mark this one letter number 300.

This is the final one, the final chapter, to a story I wish/hoped would of been forever, or however long forever is, but this one I wanna start right from the beginning, this is going to a long one, so bare with me.

I think we met in February 2015 and were together officially March 19th, that’s when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I even remember the date of when we first met, the first night we met is was Friday 21st of February 2015, let’s go back to the start.

21/02/15-

The first night I met you, I honestly was at the point in life where a relationship was really something I wasn’t looking for, a relationship was always in the back of head, sure I wanted someone to call my own, but it wasn’t something I was going out looking for, I was very much in the stage of just wanting to go out have fun every weekend, so you can definitely much say I was a party girl, after every weekend ended another night out for the following weekend was planned, I would go out get too drunk and kiss a few people I didn’t remember kissing in the morning, I was suppose living the life of any other 19 year old.

I remember the night we met really clearly, my best friend at the time fully set me up, do you remember that???, he pretended his phone was dead so he gave you my number instead to met us in town, but tbh I didn’t really think much of it, they were forever trying to set me up with people so again I didn’t think much of it.

We spent that whole night glued to each other’s side, I didn’t really think at first you were interested in me, so I sort of played it cool, in till we drunkley kissed in the night club, and we walked out together, while you insisted I went home with you that night, I knew going home alone was my way of proving I wasn’t one of those girls, I was at one point but with you I actually wanted to see you again and didn’t want it to just be something that was just sex!, but do you think if I slept with you that night we would of even attempt a relationship??. I always believed us meeting was some sort of weird fate, because that night I was dead set on staying inside on the sofa, do you think if we never met that night we would of ever met at all? I wonder that sometimes.

08/03/15-

This was the date of our first date, because despite going out the following weekend together with everyone this was the first prober time it was just us two, when you asked me on the date I nearly said no, but I got dressed and did my make up hair and forced myself out the door, I was so nervous, all the way to meeting you I felt sick, this was the first time I had ever gone on a prober date and the thought of made me nervous, but I went anyways, we went for dinner down the harbour, I think this is the first time I realised you were about to become someone who I would fall in love with, I didn’t get home till 3am that night, and for the first time in ages I felt this feeling were I just felt content, I felt like I didn’t want to waste my weekends on drinking and partying but I wanted to spend them with you. After dinner we sat in your room and watched Netflix and just laid next to each other talking, with you everything was easy, we got along ridiculously well.

19/03/15

This is the date you asked me to be your girlfriend, allot of people told us it was too soon and that we wouldn’t last, but we were happy, and although we did get together very quickly I don’t regret that, you made me happy, and I knew you were someone I wanted in my life for as long as possible.

21/03/15

The first time you told me you loved me, and I swear to god when you said this I had never felt a feeling like it, I was the happiest I had been in months, and you know what in that moment time stood still, I wish time had frozen, just so I could hold on that, although me being the dick I am couldn’t say it back, I knew I loved you but I wasn’t ready to say that out loud, I was new to all of this and was scared of hearing myself say it, but I loved you, I think I knew from the first date that I was going to love you.

The first few months were memories I always cherished, everything felt good, I was falling in love with you, and for the first time in my life I was experiencing what it was like to fall in love, you were my best friend, and I thought we had forever, but we were too young to know about forever, we were on borrowed time, and if I knew that I would of held on to every second I spent with you if I knew there would come a time that I would have to do everything without you.

12/06/15

This isn’t really the most memorable date, well it is but for all the wrong reasons, long story short I got drunk and told you I didn’t want to be with you, and quite frankly I did this because I was scared I was scared you would leave one day, you had a big drug problem to be brutally honest I didn’t know how to handle that, we spent allot of weekends in your bedroom doing nothing while you took drugs and drank, and it wasn’t exactly how imagined I would be spending every weekend with you, there wasn’t many times I saw you sober, not for long periods of time, and I wanted to help you but you didn’t see the problem and I was scared I would lose you, so I cowardly dumped you, and my god have I never felt instant regret in till I did that, I was deversrated, I just wanted you but I couldn’t fix you, even though we were spilt up, we still spoke, you lost your job so I was trying to help, and I thought the only way to make you come back was to be a friend.

19/05/19

Much to everyone’s surprise we got back together on this date, and I knew for that moment that losing you wasn’t an option, I was too far in too not have you in my life I was in love with you, you were the only person I wanted, I didn’t see a future with anyone else, you vowed that it was only going to work if I accepted things as how they were, which I did, and although I should of held my ground I knew not having you was the worst feeling so having half of you was better than nothing, I believe at this point we should of walked away, I should of walked away, because I was losing myself but I wanted you.

Those few months were months I won’t forget, there was nothing but love, and honesty if I were to choose anyone to fall in love with for the first time I would still pick you, because you taught me allot, not all the memories of us were sad but there are moments I try not to think about, I was in love with you, and I wish I told you that more oftern, we weren’t perfect, we were far from perfect but somehow we found a way to make it work, we had to work so dam hard at it, but it was worth it, now these are memories I sometimes think about.

16/09/15

This is also another date I hate because this is where everything changed , this is when I realised you were falling in love with her and there was nothing I could do, but we don’t need to dwell on this date, but this is when we spilt up for the second time, and this time fully broke me, because after this I never felt good enough, I lost you at this date, we ended again here, and I spent the whole weekend wishing and wishing you would come back, because at this point I knew I wasn’t just going to walk away I had to try, I think at this point we should of known better, I don’t remember the dates but we soon got back together promising each other that if this time it didn’t work we would stop trying, but I knew about her long before I told you I did, and things just got harder, most nights I cried, I became more needy because I couldn’t lose you, but you also became someone who was just breaking my heart, I didn’t recognise myself anymore, I was dependent on you, I needed you, because you were my everything, I believe at this point you were cheating maybe not physically but I knew something was going on.

07/11/15

This is the morning you lost everting, you had no job and you had nowhere to live, I was going to stick by you through everything so I held you hand and told you it was going to be ok because whatever was going to happen it was going to be you and I, because I was there for you through everything and I cared about you more than you could of ever imagined, this is the date you moved in, and at first I loved living with you, I loved going to bed every night and you were there, like I had everything I had ever wanted, I felt close to you during these few weeks.

Everything felt ok for a little while, but I couldn’t of felt any low about myself, and well let’s be honest you didn’t fancy me anymore, and I knew you were cheating, but I couldn’t lose you, we argued you allot, you went out most weekends out and each time you went out I was scared that would be the moment you wouldn’t come back again that you were leaving me, I was broken and staying with you hurt me, but I loved you.

03/05/16

I don’t know if I really need to say what date this is, but that morning shattered my heart, I have never experienced pain like it, I wanted it too all be a bad dream and from that moment I knew we were a ticking time bomb, I was losing you but I was still holding on, I blamed myself for why you cheated, and I don’t regret choosing to stay with you because it’s a lesson I had to learn, I had to learn how to put myself first, I wanted to hold to you,but I couldn’t even look at you,you were my everything my best friend, but being with you hurt, nothing was really the same after that, but we had moments were we loved one another.

09/10/16

And this was the point we realised that we couldn’t be together, that we had both hate to let go, you were in love with someone else, and I wasn’t someone you wanted anymore, and I know half hearted we made the right decision, because you loved that girl, you were in love with her, and all I wanted was you to be happy, it broke me, but I knew we had been through too much to just work on it, we had to let go, and tbh I never wanted to let go, I never wanted you to leave, but it wasn’t my choice.

So Reuben there’s the time line, and I’m sorry it’s so long, but I just wanted one last trip down memory lane, some of those memories aren’t the happiest, but we tried so dam hard for what we had, and I’m glad we happened, I won’t ever regret a single moment, because I loved you and shocker but I think a small part of me somewhere will always care for you, you were my first love, you were my best friend at one point, so I will always hold some level of love for you.

It was nice to be in contact with you for these past few weeks, but I have to realise I am not someone who is any good for you, I am not someone who belongings with you, but I wish you nothing but the best, I wish you all the success because you fucking deserve to be happy, I hope you find what you are looking for, and I hope it fills you with so much peace and contentment I really do, because you deserve happiness, and I hope next year and all the years to come bring you happiness and you carry on progressing, thank you for teaching me some of life’s hardest lesson but also showing me love,

So here is where it ends, here is where all those memories fade, so here is the end to something that almost broke me but built me to the person I am today, and for that I’m grateful.

Goodbye, final goodbye.

The final letter to what seems like a life time of letters I wrote out, and maybe I’ll never be done with writing about you, but not in the way that I’m still in love with you because that’s long gone, but in a way sometimes the pain from that relationship still haunts me, but I wouldn’t take any of it back, I wouldn’t of changed anything, I grew from the pain, at in the most fucked up way the pain changed me into someone who is strong but also a work progress, I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to love another person again, but I’m not hurting anymore, not like the ways I once did,

And writing to you helped, helped because pain makes you feel creative, pain makes you want better things for yourself, pain makes you grow and without it,I probably wouldn’t of grew to the person I am now.

I need to stop waffling on, and now let this be.

But goodbye to you, and goodbye to all the memories we shared, all the moments, the laughing, the crying, the shouting, and the days were we loved one another with nothing but love, and goodbye to the day’s I wish I never had to experience, goodbye to the person I thought you were, and goodbye to the idea of you and I.