#stonewall prep au

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E2 Skip, Hop and Thump!

Mind-wiped 1950s Jughead Jones who doesn’t remember the true universe reads things like Pit of Tyranny and Things of Darkness while in bed with a very happy looking Hotdog (he’s so shaggy!) wearing long johns with gray socks.

“Superheroes were out! Horror and crime comics were in!” Jughead says. This I guess is Riverdale’s parting statement about the State of The Culture as of the airtime of this episode (April 5, 2023 in the US). We are not with the MCU! We’re doing something else!

Jughead is still wearing the felt crown on his head, in bed, in his long johns. Does he never take it off? Is it on his head in the shower too? Does it function like glasses? As in sometimes when I change clothes I have to take the whole thing off but other times I don’t. How does it stay on his head? He’s either been reading all night, or he reaches for one among a pile of comic books as soon as he wakes up every morning the way I reach for my smartphone (a tech he completely failed to explain properly last episode) to see what’s happened on tumblr? Many thoughts about the first 25 seconds of Ep 2.

Jughead says he and his friends are obsessed, before he sees something he doesn’t like. Jughead marches into school with a crown pinned to his head (it has to be pinned), a side slung book-bag and Charlie Brown’s mustard yellow sweater with the black stripe across the chest. They are not fooling around in the costume department at Riverdale the Show.

Mind-wiped Jughead speaks with the same weird cadence now as 50s Archie who may or may not be aware that he is in an Alternate Universe: much more singsong, elongated vowels, generally slower speech. He tells his group of comic book loving friends - Ethel (Hi Ethel!), Ben Button, and the AU Dilton Doiley. (Why couldn’t they get the OG Dilton back? Did he refuse to cute his beautiful long hair for this time skip switcheroo?)

Jughead is in a high dudgeon. He says the comic publisher “stole his story!” and that he should “sue ‘em!” One of Jughead’s minor themes is that of plagiarism and accusations thereof. He was first accused of plagiarism (wrongly) while at Stonewall Prep which then led to his being, in essence if not in the legality, expelled from that school for the said charge. As an adult he then had an entire novel stolen out from under him by Jess, an ex, with one ex, Betty, and one future girlfriend, Tabitha, helping Jess steal it, after which he tried to steal the novel handed to him by the one night stand that blackmailed him into reading it. He fessed up to that one at the last minute, but it cost him his writing contract and his relationship with his editor, a gruff-but-loving father figure in a life woefully deprived of a reliable fatherly presence. And now, in this timewarp 1950s, he is certain that a publisher stole from him.

Can I just say - I love maniacal Jughead. Whenever he gets like this, his eyes get really weird and bright. He just loves to be vibrating in outrage, with or without his core memories. Dilton thinks he’s being illogical, Ben is too sick of these forays into mania to even continue to look at Jughead, but Ethel is fully turned on. Ethel has a really really beautiful pair of eyes on her, and she’s getting very bedroomy at Jughead about his insane sounding plan to go “pay a visit” to the publisher. Nobody agrees to go with him though.

Toni, followed by Fangs, followed by some white kid who is NOT SWEET PEA swagger into the class room just as Cheryl is making her candied-sweetness announcement about the upcoming Annual Sock Hop. I have heard of a “sock hop” but being a not terribly curious person it did not occur to me to look up what the heck that was. I knew they wore white ankle socks and had like ‘bobby soxers” and stuff so I assumed it was about wearing those socks. But no. You’re supposed to dance in your socks (no shoes).

An aside: I am furious not just at the loss of Sweet Pea (Yes, I know he left in S5 but I am not over it and you can’t make me) but the fact that they gave Fangs Sweet Pea’s middle of forehead curl hairdo. That does not work for me!

Cheryl in this universe is a specific kind of naggy person that I feel very called out by. She doesn’t just invite people to the Sock Hop. She reminds them (well, tells me, so I’m thankful for this but I think everyone in the universe knows that you don’t wear shoes to dance at the Sock Hop) that Sock Hop = shoeless dancing but then has to go on to tell boys to make sure their socks match AND that they have no holes. The reason you do this kind of nagging is because you assume whoever you’re nagging is dumber than a pile of rocks. Notice that Cheryl, whose lesbianism often comes with a side of straight on hatred of men (her Jason-love being the only exception), only lectures the BOYS about this.

She looks extremely adorable with her red headband that perfectly matches her bright lipstick.

We get a cute montage of sorts of everyone looking at their heart’s desire.

Fangs is making eyes at Midge, who pretends she wasn’t the one that turned around in her seat wholesale stare at him for no reason when he just was walking to his assigned seat. She is shooketh. Archie turns around in his seat to stare longingly at Veronica, who has eyes only for herself - she is fixing her make up in a little handheld mirror. (Foreshadowing??) Aha but it turns out Veronica knew that she was going to be looked at by someone, and has put up the mirror as a ploy to hide her sightline. We are treated to her point of view- It turns out Julian is also looking directly at Veronica. As Cheryl keeps talking, Veronica’s view goes from Julian all the way to Archie, who is fully staring bug eyed and open mouthed at her pulchritude. I have to say once more I love 1950s Archie. He is so guileless. In this age of being stuck being penpals of people on what’s supposed to be dating/ hookup apps, this level of direct physical statements of intent, of clearly twisting your spine to give someone A LOOK feels very refreshing. And (More Foreshadowing??) Veronica’s gaze does not stop at the agog-Archie. It continues on to Betty, who looks very annoyed at the way Archie is gawking at Veronica. She gives Veronica a disapproving look before turning her sights on to Kevin. Or rather, the back of Kevin’s head, because once more, Kevin is not looking at Betty Cooper.

Which basically tells you everything you need to know about Kevin, because HAVE YOU SEEN 1950S BETTY COOPER?? Why would you look at anyone else ever? But of course, Kevin is looking at the new student who I have assumed is Chuck Clayton but absolutely isn’t, because even in an alternate universe Chuck Clayton would not be not straight. (Lucky me, I guess? Ugh.)

Cheryl, who has been going on and on this whole time about how the Sock Hop is going to be “Both the Bee’s Knees and the Cat’s Pajamas” (very interesting that so far, 1950s Cheryl doesn’t use 19th Century syntax) positively squeaks as she announces that Kevin and the Crooners will be performing at the dance! Betty, who is very good at certain kinds of support, reaches over to squeeze Kevin’s arm at the mention of his name, which finally gets him to take his eyes off the boy of his dreams.

The bell rings, and Archie chases her down. Veronica’s headband matches her dress and I have bangs and shoulder length hair and am seized with an irrational desire to wear a headband. Archie wants to know if Veronica wants to go to the Sock Hop with him. Veronica is pleased, but she doesn’t say yes. Instead she asks Archie if he knows how to cut a rug.

Archie looks down, then away, making an uncomfortable face. Veronica assumes that Archie doesn’t know what Cut a Rug means. She thinks Archie is really, very, extremely dumb. Interesting. She asks “Are you a good dancer?” by way of explanation. Archie’s response is still delayed. He dredges up a “Oh! Yeah. Of course I am!” and - the performance is really hilarious to me because I’ve watched it three times in a row, just this exchange and honestly I CAN’T DECIDE if Veronica is right that Archie does not know this extremely commonly used idiom in his one and only language OR if it’s because Archie does have fluency in his mother tongue but is simply bad at lying to the girl he likes a whole lot (He can’t dance, it’s later revealed). Veronica says that she believes him yet will “still need a demonstration.” Then she calls him “Daddy O” which turns him all so hard that all the blood from his brain goes somewhere else in a hurry and he just is mutely nodding. Oh Archie.

Toni Topaz, looking excellent in her ponytail-with-bangs, oozes up to Cheryl who eagerly asks if she’s going to buy tickets to the Sock Hop. “Are you asking me out?” is what she says, which then rings about the cutest meltdown. Cheryl entirely fails at sounding outraged because she’s elated, but is aware that Midge is there, so she stutters (to Midge, by turning her head away from Toni) that she OF COURSE ISN’T asking Toni out because - because she’s the *host!* And and and (Cheryl never stutters, but here she is, stuttering) also she’s a … [unspeakable word: GIRL] and Toni is also [unspeakable word: Girl]!! And girls don’t!!

Toni makes fun of Cheryl - smirkily asking what she means to say: “Girls don’t what? Dance with other girls?” and then says “Calm down, Peggy Sue.” To add insult to injury she then talks about how Fangs is a singer who deserves to be in the lineup for the music for the dance. The dirty look that Cheryl gives Fangs is a balm to my heart. I stan Cheryl Blossom for many reasons, but her persistent hatred of Fangs makes her my avatar. Cheryl suddenly remembers that she does not like anything associated with the Southside, and so is rude about the Serpents. She doesn’t want them at her Sock Hop because they will “Start a Rumble.” Toni tells her nobody will buy tickets to this thing with Kevin’s “B-grade barbershop quartet.” BURN. Fangs follows Toni around like he always used to in the proper universe, but this time he says bye to only Midge, who pretends rather incompetently that she is not all about that attention. Cheryl smacks her.

At PEP comics, which is in the building that used to house the Charles Smith FBI Field Office in the future, Jughead Jones is waiting impatiently for his turn to speak to the editor in chief. There’s a secretary lady and a young male assistant to the EIC. Jughead is determined to have his say, and his trying to stay true to that purpose while being obviously a bit intimidated by Al Fieldstone is very cute. He can’t even face him head on, instead angling his body towards the door in case he needs to skedaddle for his life in a hurry.

Mind-Wiped 50s Jughead speaks in the same OG Disney Channel (like, when Walt was on shows on it) Ozzy-and-Harriet, the OG Mickey Mouse Club candances as Archie. It’s very funny when placed against the more natural delivery of Al Fieldstone. Jughead is very scared but he says what he came to say. “I submitted a story that you - rejected it. And then- surprise surprise! - you ran a story that was exactly like it! Now, you might call that a coincidence, but I call it theft!” Even the way he puts his little hands on his little hips has no conviction, because Jughead is so intimidated by Mr. Fieldstone. He looks a little astonished at his own moxie at having said all this to this man.

Fieldstone growls that there are “no original ideas” and that he has hundreds of submissions every week which are all “slop” - and Jughead stutteringly insisting that the “timing” and “details” are too much to be a coincidence? Fieldstone rolls right over him. Filing cabinets, he says, are filled with every germ of a story idea he’s ever had. Fieldstone boasts about a backlog he’s “waiting to farm out” to potential writers. Jughead is very gifted at making the most of opportunities, I guess, because he immediately volunteers his own services as a writer.

“You’re looking for writers??”

“Always!”

“Well I’m! A - WRITER.”

Again, Jug looks so amazed at himself, for calling himself a writer in front of an actual publisher His eyes hold more than a small amount of fear that he won’t be believed, and won’t be allowed to claim this title. But he doesn’t blow it! Jughead wants to know how he can be ‘considered’ for a writing job, to which the editor in chief hands him a slip of paper with the aforementioned story kernel on it, and tells him to come up with “seven pages” that won’t “make him want to puke.”

Jughead leaves elated, entirely having forgotten about why he came to begin with. Obviously, Fieldstone has been through this spiel thousands of times before. What writers want, according to Riverdale, is not actually justice in the event of a plagiarism event. What they want is a paying writing gig, and the offer of one will make them forget everything else.

Meanwhile, in Betty’s bedroom, Archie confirms that he indeed knows the phrase “cut a rug” but he has a panic response to the word “dance” because he once broke Midge’s toe attempting to dance once. Betty is going to teach him the twist. She tells him to move his hips from side to side. Archie’s hips stay stock still but he moves his shoulders in rhythm which is a start. Betty tells him less shoulders, more hips, but then he just has a body disregulation event. It makes Betty give up right then and there, switching them over to slow dancing. The song says “Be miiiiine/ For the Rest of my Life” while Betty and Archie in a peachy glow look lovingly at each other. Oh they are so cute.

Of course, this is when Alice Cooper has to come barging in. She is scandalized. While she shuts off the music, Betty and Archie try to explain that they weren’t doing anything bad, that Archie was gearing up to ask out “The new girl” (according to Betty) who is “a celebrity from Hollywood!” (according to Archie). She summarily kicks Archie out. I LOVE Alice’s outfit - the floral print, the wide skirt, the green cardigan, the skinny pink belt, the super high heels. This looks like the more uncomfortable thing you could choose to wear at home, but it look undeniably excellent.

Meanwhile, in the extremely big traincar in which Jughead lives, we have AN ETHELEHEAD MOMENT. Jughead has shown his draft to Ethel, who says she is so jealous of the opportunity he has to submit something to Pep Comics. Jughead says she’s as good as anybody, then goes on to offer that if his story passes muster, he will recommend her as an artist to the publisher. This is so cute. I love this. I also like it in general when Jughead Jones has a nice looking place to live.

Cheryl is obsessed with selling tickets to this Sock Hop thing! She drives solo to a lakefront piece of land where clearly people go to fuck in their cars, then does an INSANE thing. She knocks on windows to ask if they’ve bought a ticket. Of course, the first car she picks is the one Fangs is in. He rolls down the window for some reason to reveal Midge who looks scared and is in a pose that looks like she either just got done or was about to give head.

WHY DOES FANGS LOWER THE WINDOW???

Cheryl has a very Penelope Blossom freakout. “One of my precious Vixens with a common greaser! SACRILEGE! GET OUT OF THE CAR RIGHT THIS MINUTE!” Ah there is the Victorian syntax, back in full force! Further, the sheer power that Cheryl has is amazing. Midge, whinging, does exactly as she’s told. Cheryl’s coitus-interruptor outfit is excellent - red skirt with white polka dots, a white coat, red barrel handbag.

In one of the cars is Kevin and Betty. I hate Kevin. To quote Nathan Lane talking to the gays of Brokeback Mountain - “Leave those poor women alone!” He looks unhappy while he is in the car with the beautiful Betty Cooper, who wants to know why she and her so called boyfriend are sitting in a car at the make out spot not touching. He can’t even come up with some sort of answer for why he’s being such a withholding jackass. She points out that he hasn’t even asked her to the Sock Hop, to be his date. The way Kevin’s closeted self hatred manifests apparently is to be a misogynist. He doesn’t apologize for not asking Betty to the dance. He says he’d assumed she’d be there, while he performs, as his fan.

Betty can’t take it anymore and plants a passionate kiss on him. The revulsion he exhibits with his hands before he pushes her off! Kevin! Then he has the GALL to call her a sex maniac because she wants to be ‘pinned.’ (Just like I didn’t really know what at Sock Hop was, I am not sure anymore that I know what the whole ‘pinning’ business is actually, even though it’s mentioned a lot in things set in the 50s and in pulp novels.) I think it’s related to ‘going steady’ and I suppose promising to dry-hump only each other (because sex wasn’t allowed at this time officially between teens, right?). Betty rightfully leaves the car so she can walk home.

“Pretentious, clunky, too much dialogue, but it’ll do” is the assessment that Jughead’s writing gets. His hands are in an anxious prayer position, his foot is tapping from terrified nervous energy, and the hideous squares of his vest do not go with the hideous squares of his red checked shirt, but Jughead gets a job! Sort of! He gets paid for his writing, in any case.

Aside: In the same way that perhaps Archie was never very talented at music (the only person who thought he had a gift was his groomer - the university professor rejected him outright, for one) are we supposed to think Jughead is a hack? He got into a prestigious writing program for college, sure, but he didn’t place at the writing competition he submitted things to that got him Chippings’ attention, his classmates at Stonewall rated Donna’s fic to be the best, Betty as an adult called his writing cringe and now this.

Is a dollar a page a lot in 1950? It sounds dirt cheap pay, to me. Oh and see - the care with which Riverdale is made! The publisher is totally gypping Jughead, who is too naive to know it, and he doesn’t give a shit who the artist is that Jughead claims to know until he says that magic word - CHEAP- in which case the publisher wants the illustrations for the 7 page zombie story TOMORROW. The way Jughead frantically throw out the word “cheap” because the editor isn’t interested at “incredible artist, young, hungry” and the way the editor immediately wants to know about the CHEAP part!

Jughead’s wholesome offer of a handshake thanking a man who (a) definitely DID steal his story after rejecting it and (b) is going to pay him slave wages for a story he churned out based on a kernel probably stolen from yet another writer and (c) is now going to exploit Ethel’s work being met with suspicion was a great touch.

The next day at school, Kevin is drawn to the music room by the siren song of melodious piano playing. It turns out to be the black student who isn’t Chuck. We finally get told what his name is - it’s Clay Walker. He says he was “horsing around” even though he sounded extremely accomplished on the piano. Clay Walker gives Betty Cooper her dues - Kevin is ‘dating the prettiest girl at Riverdale High.” Once more, Kevin, STOP TORTURING HER. Clay says he has transferred in from ‘all over’ though that’s an evasion, not an answer. His father was military and he may now be dead (or perhaps somehow dishonorably discharged?) - Clay says his father WAS in the army. When Clay asks Kevin to recommend someone he should take to the dance because he doesn’t have a date yet, Kevin says the most damning thing. That “lots of people go stag.” Which means that his level of failing at comp het is not actually necessary at Riverdale. He’s ruining Betty’s teen years and subjecting her to constant sexual rejection on purpose when it isn’t necessary for his survival. I hate Kevin.

Aside: And actually, Kevin has a lot of weird toxicity doesn’t he? I’m not just talking about the strange way he yanked Fangs around, ultimately yeeting out on the relationship that he insisted they have with Toni and so on. That and his using white privilege to steal Toni’s baby away from her. And the fact that in his soul-selling to get Broadway success, Fangs is his servant and his sexual servicer, not an equal partner. When Jughead-Narrator of RIvervale sold his soul for comic book success, he just had the comic book success and a permanent resident booth inside Pop’s. He didn’t sexually or emotionally dominate a significant other.

Archie tries officially asking out Veronica again. She still doesn’t say yes. While reading Peyton Place, Veronica invites Archie to her place later that day, with the express purpose of auditioning to be her beau for the evening. Even though this proposition is actually quite insulting, the way Veronica looks - so alluring and perfect and knowing - is inducement enough. And really, Veronica does know how to lure them in. She tells Archie as he cutely skips out, “I’m rooting for you, Stud,” in the most sultry voice. He can’t control his happiness at being singled out (when he’s by himself, no less).

Once more, I adore 50s Archie. He’s so bouncy and cute and sweet and wholesome. This is how I think Jughead thinks Archie is, even though he isn’t, and I wonder also if that’s why this is why he’s like this in the universe that is Tabitha’s creation. (Even though she didn’t take the narrating duties away from Jughead, this is, in essence, a universe fueled by Tabitha’s power, so this is in some way her version of these people, right? In which case, Betty being insanely horny as fuck all the time is actually very funny to me.)

Speaking of which, Betty wants to know how Veronica makes this happen - how she gets boys to just do whatever she wants. “So they just do whatever you say!” she remarks. Can we just take a moment to discuss how absolutely spectacular Betty looks in this green sweater and cinched-waist skirt combo? Just SO sensual and sexy. Veronica totally finds her hot. I mean, generally, my central thesis about Veronica is that she’s gay. This is why her relationships with men never quite work out. She may be bisexual sexually but she is homosexual emotionally. She loves beautiful women, and wants to love on them and dance with them and boost their confidence. So Veronica does what she does with pretty ladies to Betty here, telling her she’s “a total Marilyn” and tells her how to break up with her boyfriend - ask some other boy out and make Kevin “all hot and bothered.”

Cheryl is still shilling tickets to her sock hop dance thing, but not very successfully. She accosts Dilton Doiley.

I am sad about what they’ve done with Dilton Doiley for this scene. He’s such a stereotypical Asian nerd, of the type that Riverdale has hitherto successfully avoided. OG Dilton was a feral little weirdo, who did things like encourage Archie to get a gun. Rivervale Dilton had long excellent hair and was a different kind of feral weirdo. Reggie 1.0 and 2.0 were also not the note-for-note rote racist Asian boy nerd stereotype that 50s Dilton is. He’s bespectacled, stuttering, scared of Toni Topaz (Minnie Mouse Serpent, be gone!) and bullied by Cheryl who seems literally half his size. A gormless Asian nerd afraid of women - feeds right into the Is he gay or is he Asian hatefulness which manages to be homophobic and racist at the same time. Great.

Back at the Andrews residence, Archie has tried on Fred’s jacket so he can have something to wear to Veronica’s shindig in the evening. The jacket does not fit at all whatsoever, so he presents himself awkwardly like a pretty scarecrow to ask for assistance for his mother. Mary Andrews giggles like a Flintstones wife which she’s never ever done before. She fixes the jacket. I wish I knew how to do things like ‘let out a hem a little bit. One more normal life skill I have neglected to acquire all this time. The faces that Archie makes in the mirror are, just to keep going on about it, SO VERY CUTE. He looks so handsome, so fresh faced, so excited, so sweet spirited.

He’s so in love with Veronica’s ‘celebrity’ or maybe ‘celebrity adjacent’ status. He keeps saying that about her to the mothers, even though Veronica actually shared how miserable her present existence is. She’s abandoned by her parents, has been always neglected by them, and lied about it all only to have it humiliatingly thrown in her face. And yet, Archie is just so taken with her Los Angeles, Big City, Glamorous It-Girl persona. Poor Veronica.

Mary cries about seeing Archie in Fred’s suit because she and Fred went to their Sock Hop together. Fred apparently wrote Mary love poetry in this universe. Archie has very cute pale blue wall paper with different sports implements. Archie seems very charmed by his parents’ high school courtship.

Inspired by this story, Archie writes Veronica a poem, then gets Betty to take a read through in case in sucks.

Okay so.

So.

I object to this sort of ‘friendship’ between boys and girls. I just feel like they aren’t really friendships but some sort of (at best) unconscious emotional cruelty by one party to the more sexually interested party or (at worst) taking advantage of someone who you know is into you and you’re not sure or you think you can do better so you’re backburnering them. And having them ‘coach’ you on how best to date someone else is a pretty shitty backburner-stoking method. So in principle I dislike this, but the fact that Archie is doing it to THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN RIVERDALE (that both gay boys agree on - that is Clay and Kevin) is a bit too much.

In any case, Betty likes the poem. I was supremely relieved that they didn’t make me listen to the poem, ngl. Because I really didn’t like any of Archie’s songs either (Sorry, Arch).

Cheryl has some courage. She goes to the site of the Speak-Easy that existed in the infinite space underneath Pop’s which looks like a trailer but somehow isn’t, which then hosted the second Whyte Wyrm, and in this era is a “coffee house” which actually looks like an amazing place I’d like to go to. Toni must have incredible vision because that space does not look like it has anywhere near enough light but yet she is reading. It’s literally called THE DARK ROOM. Bikers, beatniks and badasses are who Toni thinks she’s a part of but I ask you this - why would such cool people give a shit about playing music at the goddamn Riverdale Sock Hop?? Why is Toni so goddamn invested in Fangs taking the stage at what sounds like THE preppiest event of all time??

I do very much enjoy all the weird 50s hipster lingo that Toni uses. “Take a load off” etc.

Archie has brought wholesome flowers Veronica’s thing. She is wearing the most RIDICULOUS dress. An absolutely enormous flat black bow topping cancerous looking black buttons on a painted-on purple tightness. I both love it and hate it. She is holding an alcoholic drink when she enters, telling Archie that they were all discussing Eisenhower and presidential politics. Archie and I are both alarmed that there are “others.” There are no fewer than THREE others - one of which is the cursed Julian.

Meanwhile, the Cooper ladies are doing dishes together wearing really, really high heels at night. Do - did? - white people actually live like this in the 1950s? Like, outdoor shoes in the house is gross enough to me, but to wear 5 inch heeled shoes while doing the dishes at night? That is some extreme kink dominatrix shit to me. I’m very square and preppy, it’s true, but come on! Anyway, Betty tells her mom in the most winsomely adorable way that she is having ‘fluttering’ feelings about Archie. Alice, because she’s a piece of shit in any universe, tries to kibosh that by asking if the attraction is purely because Kevin makes Betty feel ‘underappreciated.’ This bitchy comment kills Betty’s glow immediately.

We skip to Jughead looking through Ethel’s illustration work. “Holy Hell, Ethel!” he exclaims. He thinks she’s produced something great. Ethel looks so happy. I know from previews something terrible is going to happen to her, but why can’t Ethel just have some nice things! Why?? And because Jughead doesn’t seem to think her being a girl is going to be an obstacle to getting paid for her art, Ethel takes courage and asked Jughead to be her date at the Sock Hop.

Except 1) Jughead was not at all keeping track of the date of the Sock Hop and 2) when he asks “For Kicks?” as a response she caves and agrees, even though she clearly meant it to be a date invitation.

I hate this. I hate this so much. They always do this in so much media, that a girl asking a guy to go to a thing like this can never lead anywhere good and often starts out with her being rejected outright in an offhand manner. Riverdale! I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!!

Anyways, as though this wasn’t bad enough, Ethel’s very terrifying mother opens the door without knocking, bringing scary music in with her, and gives Jughead such an evil look of hateful silence that he goes from wanting to politely greet the woman (and possibly tell her how talented he thinks Ethel is) to being confused and a bit offended. Mrs. Muggs implicitly threatens her daughter and her guest with Mr. Mugg’s violence like this is a normal thing to do, which Jughead takes as his cue to leave.

At the Pembroke, which omg has a baby grand in the living room - I am so jealous when anyone has a huge musical instrument just in their living room - Archie cannot keep up with the competition. Veronica is telling an anecdote about Frank Sinatra. This might be a lie, right? Veronica is established as a liar. But in any case, I miscounted. There are FOUR, not three, other suitors in the room. The most annoying one is of course Julian Blossom, who insults Archie gratuitously.

Veronica has a fricking actual Monet in her living room. Julian recognizes it, preening that the Blossoms go art buying every summer. Bored perhaps, or maybe egotistically annoyed that instead of just being impressed Julian keeps trying to compete with her stories, Veronica solicits Archie’s opinion. The thing is, Veronica knows Archie is a know nothing. She even thinks he doesn’t know what Cut A Rug means. So she has to know she’s setting him up for humiliation, asking him for an opinion on Monet.

I do like Archie’s forthrightness. He says he prefers Norman Rockwell. Not letting it go, Julian attacks him about his clothing, which then touches the sore point that sets Archie off in every iteration - besmirching the honor of the sainted Fred Andrews. Veronica, recognizing a strategic blunder, tries to redirect everyone to a game of charades.

The Archie I know and kind of loathe finally emerges in this alternate timeline. Stiff with rage, he threatens violence on Julian before excusing himself to go. The concerned disappointment on Veronica’s face, as well as Julian being a jackass right behind her got to me.

Julian is what Bret Weston Wallis would be if Bret had been straight. But Bret wanted to bottom for Jughead Jones, so he came off somehow less repellent even though a lot of the things he did and said were just as terrible. Julian is Riverdale’s anti-heterosexual statement, I guess?

Archie tosses his poem for Veronica in the trash as he leaves.

The next morning, Veronica pays the Andrews home a visit, trying to put on her best nice girl front to Mary Andrews, who isn’t having it at all, whatsoever. Mary Andrews says about her son that he is “simple, so simple” which - OK so everyone including his mom thinks 50s Archie is as dumb as a sack of rocks. So Mary rightly tells Veronica off - “What kind of person auditions boys to go to a Sock Hop?!” and calls her “Little Miss Femme Fatale” before slamming the door in her face.

This is the most I’ve ever liked Mary Andrews in seven years.

That same morning, Alice Cooper has summoned Kevin to talk about Betty. Kevin basically tells Alice that he’s gay. “Betty wants THESE THINGS from me, but I’m not sure I can give them to her.” Like really. Any straight boy saying this to his girlfriend’s mom is almost as clear a statement of his homosexuality as saying “Mrs Cooper I want to suck cock.” But because Alice is a POS she thinks that this is normal. Or at least, she says so. I’m inclined to think she’s cockblocking Betty. If Alice in the 50s has the same sorts of things happen to her as the main universe - teen pregnancy from FP or Hal or whatever throwing her entire life off course - then she has an understandable motivation to make sure her totally gorgeous, sensual daughter is dating a gay boy who can’t stand to touch her even to keep up a straight front. Out of her bra, Alice produces a pin, and tells Kevin that what girls really want is a “fella who carries her books home for her from school or takes her to the movies or call them on the telephone.” She says the pin (which Hal gave her) will solve all sexual tension and make things be ‘pure.’

Whatever Alice and Hal have going on in this universe is just as sick as the thing they had together in the real universe.

Kevin looks like he wants to throw up, but takes Alice’s explanation that pinning Betty with her mom’s pin is going to take care of everything with a smile.

Suddenly, Toni is all about selling tickets to the Sock Hop because Fangs will be performing. Oh. Is this supposed to be an echo of like, their eventual marriage with baby stupidity in the main universe? And to top it off, Toni bullies the new Dilton Doiley into buying 5 tickets to the Sock Hop because this is supposed to be funny. It’s not and I hate it. Toni asks Cheryl if she’s told Kevin that he’s been replaced by Fangs, to which Cheryl says she hasn’t but also takes the chance to use a new hipster phrase she’s learned: “Can you dig it?”

Poor Ethel. Two hideous old white men are bearing down on her in the Principal’s office. She was doodling in Mr Doiley’s class (so Dilton is the science teacher’s kid - I feel too tired to point out this is a stereotype). It’s the illustration suitable for that comics magazine she wants to work for. Ethel’s work has a really cool R. Crumb kind of energy. So she tells the truth - she says she’s trying to meet a deadline for the Pep Comics project. The world is against Ethel, so she now has detention.

Archie approaches Veronica. He says he’s sorry he left in a huff but then scarily says, “I sincerely was going to rip Julian’s head off.” When Veronica responds with a suitably chastened apology, which she tops off with a sweet affirmation that she really liked getting to know him, Archie asks her out yet another time. Very interestingly, Veronica seems pleased that he’s still interested in her like that but rejects him for what looks like might be once too many times. She won’t be going with anyone. Archie gets rightly very annoyed, asking why she’d made him jump through hoops and participate in a dog and pony show. Veronica says it was a game, because to her way of thinking the queen bee is supposed to rile up the worker bees then fly off. Archie has finally had enough to stalk off.

Right before gym class (? I guess? I don’t understand the yellow button downs + belted blue shorts outfit they’re all changing into) Betty wants to know if Veronica has made her choice. Veronica says she’s going stag. I wish the gay girls flirting storyline was given to Veronica and not Toni or Cheryl. Anyway when Betty asks why, Veronica says without saying so that she is going alone as a form of penance for having been so thoughtless and careless with Archie’s feelings, making him do her bidding to compete for her against other boys. Betty asks if she didn’t like his poem, which Veronica doesn’t know anything about. Veronica tells Betty she doesn’t know who if anyone Archie is going with, but whoever she is “She is one lucky girl.” Betty looks at her beautiful self for reassurance, happy to hear her flutterings about Archie can maybe be explored, before skipping off adorably behind Veronica.

Immediately after, looking like 50s barbie in one of her sexy sweater-and-cinched-waist outfits of this season, Betty walks in slowmo to the beat of 80s synth music to ask Archie to the dance. I was so excited for her, but then Kevin FUCKING KELLER makes the record scratch happen by demanding that he must talk to Betty right this particular minute.

He takes her to the music room where all the sexual things happen at Riverdale High. He says he’s very sorry, mentions that he was cut from the program at the Sock Hop, and then tells Betty that she’s the “most wonderful, the ginchiest girl” which apparently means - sexy and cool and excellent - after which he asks Betty to go steady with him. Betty has doubts but the motherfucker (I hate Kevin so much right now) bulldozes over her very justified objections by promising that “things will be really different this time.” He says what I think is a true thing - “I love you” - followed by a lie - “You make my heart feel full.” Dude. He’s pulling out all the stops, manipulating the fuck out of this girl who he knows is so horny which horniness he hates because Kevin Keller in this timeline isn’t just gay because he likes men- he’s gay because he hates women. He can’t even bring himself to touch a piece of clothing over a tit. Betty has to put the pin on herself.

Ethel didn’t show up to detention because she was selling her artwork to the publisher. Mr Fieldstone turns out to not hate women like Kevin Keller. He finds it difficult to believe that Ethel, whose skin looks so clear and milky, whose collar is so lacey and sweet, could draw art to his liking, but once assured that it’s real, gives her the standing-greeting and handshake respect gestures that he did not give Jughead Jones. He nicknames her Freckles, saying, “You have some real talent” and calling her work “putrid (admiring).” And Jughead Jones, bless him, seems surprised but not at all jealous. He’s just beaming at her.

The publisher, all smiles, calls Jughead Boy Wonder, to go with her Freckles nickname, and wants to know if they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. Jug says they are “creative partners” to which she adds, “We are going to the Sock Hop together.”

Smithers has found Archie’s poem in the trash bin he was emptying and duly brought it up to her. Uhhh. So Smithers is going through Veronica’s trash every day!?! And I guess reporting on the contents to her parents?? Like, why is he examining the contents of the trashcans instead of just throwing them away?? In any case, I am unhappy because I think they’re going to read me Archie’s poem at some point.

Ethel is excited as she comes home to her terrifying parents. Her dad calls her a delinquent and they’re both immediately screaming at her. Ethel calls her mom a drunk and her dad ‘miserable all the time.’ She says she’s going to the Sock Hop, to which her mother hollers, OVER MY DEAD BODY. Oh, I’m so sorry for Ethel. Why can’t she have nice things? (I mean, because the actress is gifted and can shoulder big heavy burdens in the story, but still, it’s hell for the character.)

At the Sock Hop, which looks even weirder as a cultural activity now because it’s canon that the Cooper women wear super high heeled out door shoes to wash dishes, Clay approaches Kevin. He tells a terrified Kevin that he thinks Fangs is handsome, then adds that he thinks Kevin is handsome too. You know what Clay - Run! Run away! Kevin is a piece of shit! He asks for a private concert, and Kevin just looks like a deer in headlights.

Fangs, whom I hate since he undeservedly became Serpent King in S6, sings Tutti Fruitti. Everyone likes this song, because it’s a good song, but I genuinely hate this performance. I’m usually forgiving about the singing performances on Riverdale but this is unbearable. Toni asks Cheryl for a dance (Cheryl is absolutely correct that Fangs is most definitely not the next Chuck Berry. Midge is an utter airhead, given that she swoons at Fang’s horrible singing. Anyway, Toni takes to the dance-floor with Cheryl which for some reason their principal who is clearly fucking Dupont, I mean, Werther, is mad about.

They overburden the very limited vocal range of the Fangs actor by giving him Only You to sing. Overlaid over this horrendous singing is Archie’s poem which Veronica has memorized. She does a Sylvia Plath meets Ted Hughes thing of reciting a poem back at its poet. Except Archie (and uh, the Riverdale writers) are no Ted Hughes. The only thing that is getting me through it is the extremely wonderful pearls-of-many-sizes headband Veronica has on. It sets off her black hair perfectly. She asks him for a dance, but Archie after looking so thrilled, says no. And that’s because Veronica has been cockblocked by Archie’s mom.

When Archie leaves her behind, Veronica is rendered vulnerable to Julian Blossom oozing up to her. But she’s not the one with the shittiest end of the stick, actually because that honor goes to Betty, who looks so adoringly up at Kevin, who can’t bear to look at her, and seeks reassuring eye contact from Alice Cooper of all people. The evil principal - who has to be another woman hating gay man in this universe - comes to remind Cheryl that they live in a comp-het world. This breaks Cheryl’s heart, and I’m sure the sting is made even worse because Fangs is tunelessly crooning the beautiful song, Only You, in his horrendous butchered version.

In comes Ethel, blood smeared over her pretty pink outfit, blood competing with her sweet pale blue eyeshadow on her terrified face. Jughead runs to her as she collapses, and she tells him that something terrible has happened. I mean, Fangs is butchering a ballad, but yes, something even worse has apparently happened to my poor girl Ethel. Uh, also I didn’t know Jughead was packing that much cake behind so that’s another thing that’s been denied her. Ethel better not have the worst plot line after Betty this season! I swear to GOD.

[iceserpentprincess]

Jeronica Fic #AU Stonewall Prep idea/Concept

Slight season 1 change being that Veronica didn't go to Riverdale High and make friends with Betty and Archie.

Veronica instead got sent to Stonewall Prep. But she still wanted to be different than the other rich kids she immensely bored around.

Until Jughead and Moose come to Stonewall. She takes an interest in Jughead. [He can either be with Betty or he can be single. Either works.] And she decides to help him with the Stonewall Four mystery. And which allows them also get to know each other.

Now of course the bonding can go from near kisses to actual ones. And depending on if he's with Betty or not will depend on how the actions would be perceived. But either way, if he's with Betty it ends the relationship or Veronica and Jughead deal with their feelings.

He can still fake his death but maybe they decide to set Veronica up as the fall guy instead with the change in gfs per say.

And Veronica continues to help him. Visiting him any chance she can while he's in the bunker. Allows them to have feelings conversations and such.

Then of course the happy ending. Betty and Archie can get together. And of course, Jughead and Veronica start officially dating.

[lovedinapastlife]

Chapter 2 - The Society by SunlitGarden

Jughead’s doubtful that the Society wants to shape society for the benefit of all instead of their own private schemes.

“We could make it better.” Betty’s bare thigh is comfortably draped across his middle.

He pulls her closer, chuckling at the ceiling. “We. I like the sound of that.”

So does she.

They work out a schedule with his roommate. One of the perks about being in the Society is learning the easiest ways to slip under the radar for nefarious activities. Brainstorming and Jughead become her favorite ways of blowing off steam. Whether it’s homework or orgasms, they help each other with everything.

Please read the now complete fic on AO3 and let me know what you think! Many thanks to @bettycooper for brainstorming and making this gorgeous graphic. Your patience and love are a blessing, as are dark bughead feelings!

[jjonesin4]

Songfic Writing Challenge

Day 29: A song you remember from your childhood

Knock Three Times, Tony Orlando & Dawn

This is from the soundtrack of the iconic 1995 coming-of-age film, Now & Then. I think I still have the old VHS tape with the cardboard cover tattered from overuse. I can clearly picture the girls riding their bikes up the street singing along to this song and using their bike bells as the knocks. It was peak girl squad energy. 

Also, Teeny had a RADIO on her BIKE! That was the dream.

It has been one month since Jughead Jones first stepped foot in the prestigious halls of Stonewall Preparatory. He appreciates the writing scholarship and knows that it’s an amazing opportunity. That being said, he desperately misses his freedom.

There are so many rules at Stonewall. No fighting. No swearing. No eating in class. No leaving campus. No cell phones. There’s a dress code, a behavior code, and an ethics code. Jughead wears his beanie with the crown edges in his room as a small form of rebellion. It eases his homesickness and keeps him grounded to his Southside roots.

As an insomniac, the curfew has been the most difficult adjustment. His roommate is a deep sleeper and goes to bed promptly at 10 PM, which allows Jughead his much appreciated privacy, but also leaves him basically alone in a very quiet room. 

Instead of sleepless nights typing away on his ancient laptop in the back booth at Pop’s, he is confined to his dorm room desk with the Stonewall Prep-issued Macbook. All social media and streaming services are blocked on the school network.

He thought the silence was going to kill him the first night. That was until about midnight when he heard the muffled sound of what had to be contraband music coming from the room below him through the vent by his desk.

The next day he did a little reconnaissance to find out more details on the person bold enough to play outlawed music openly after lights out. This was the kind of person he wanted to befriend. He walked down the stairwell and turned left down the hallway instead of proceeding down the stairs to the main level that contains the dining hall and other co-ed spaces. He counted three doors on his right-hand side to find the room below his.

The name on the door read “Elizabeth Cooper.” He made a mental note to look her up in the yearbooks that could inevitably be found in the library later that day and made his way downstairs to grab a quick breakfast before his first class.  

Jughead jogged into the classroom as he shoved the last of a banana in his mouth. He almost choked on the mushy fruit when he saw unquestionably the most gorgeous girl to ever exist seated in the front row.

She had on the same uniform as all of the other girls, but fuck did it work for her. The navy sweater hugged her in all the right places. The plaid skirt rode up to her mid thigh.  Her long legs clad in knee socks were crossed at the ankles. How did she make saddle shoes look that hot?

Jughead had to all but pinch himself to make his way into the classroom and snag the empty seat directly behind this preppy goddess just as the teacher started calling attendance.

“Cooper, Elizabeth.”

“Present,” she said in the prettiest voice Jughead has ever heard.

“Jones, Forsythe.”

Jughead was so distracted that THIS was the girl that lived right below him (slept below him, at times was naked below him) that he missed his name being called.

“Once more,” the agitated English teacher said, “Jones, Forsythe!”

“Uh, oh...present,” Jughead stuttered.

That was a month ago. It’s been a whole month of observing Elizabeth Cooper and Jughead can confidently say that he is in love. Unfortunately, every attempt to get her alone has failed. There are always people around her! She is never left alone for a second in class, the library, the dining hall, or the student lounge.

The only part of her Jughead can claim as his is the music that hums through his vents every night. It’s inspiring. Every night he imagines how her swaying body would feel under his grip as he writes until almost dawn.

This morning as Jughead walks to his first class he thinks of all of the things he has learned about his muse.

She goes by Betty and always wears her bouncy waves in a neat ponytail. He has to actively stop himself from curling his fingers in her hair when she leans back and the ends temptingly swish in front of him.

She smells like strawberries and sunshine, if sunshine had a smell.

Her big, green eyes are extremely expressive. They can convey a wide range of emotions and he wants to catalogue each look. He physically aches with the desire to know what every flash in her eyes, every scrunch of her nose, every curve of her perfectly pink lips, every blush of that wonderfully smooth skin means.

Physical beauty aside, Betty is the most genuinely kind person he has ever encountered. She is also whip smart, an astonishing writer, and darkly humorous. He adores her and needs to do something before his pining loses him a scholarship.

Jughead has daydreamed his way to class and finds his seat.

Not for the first time, his mind starts to race along with his heart as he sits behind Betty Cooper in their Modern Lit class.

How did romance exist before cell phones? He can’t ask for her number under the guise of needing assistance on an assignment and then build up a texting relationship. He can’t look through what he knows are heartbreakingly beautiful photos on her Instagram and slide into her DMs. He can’t even call her! Even his great grandfather had access to a phone! What is he going to do? Write her?

He could write her!

But then what? Her roommate would certainly see anything shoved under the door. It would be way too risky to pass a note in class or even in the halls. Then it hits him. It’s perfect!

Well, not perfect, but it might work.

Before Jughead can talk himself out of it, he sets his desperate plan into motion as the class is dismissed and the students shuffle up to the door. He manages to elbow his way past Brett to get behind Betty.

“Look out your window tonight at midnight,” Jughead says quietly in Betty’s ear. He may be imagining things, but he thinks he sees a shiver run down her spine. With that he wills himself to walk past her before he does something stupid like smell her golden hair or touch the porcelain skin of her face.

For once Jughead isn’t hungry. He can’t stomach the thought of dinner, so he retires to his room while his classmates eat and socialize. There, at his desk, the one right above Betty Cooper’s desk, he composes his seemingly hopeless attempt to meet her alone. The note reads:

I realize that you don’t even know me, but I hear you dancing alone every night. I hear the music playing one floor below me and I don’t feel so alone.

I listen to your responses and read your exquisite words in class and I feel more and more compelled to get to know you.

I want to talk to you away from the ubiquitous presence of our classmates and faculty.

Knock three times on the ceiling if you’ll meet me in your hallway.

Twice on the pipes if the answer is no.

This may seem like a crazy plan, but this is the most private means of communication I can think of without the luxury of our phones.

At 11:59 that night Jughead gently lowers an envelope tied to a string down to Betty’s window. He lets out an audible breath when he feels a tug on the other end of the string. He looks down to see Betty’s elegant hand gently take the note inside her window.

His heart is racing. What if this is a terrible idea? What if she doesn’t want him?

Jughead’s nervous pacing and spiring self doubt is interrupted by a soft thud below him. His eyes go wide and as he holds his breath ready to count for her response.

Knock

Knock

Knock

[elle-eedee]

i respect bal in exactly two contexts:

1) if they are Regularly monsters. the lack of dragon mal x beast ben on this earth disgusts me

2) in my strange magic au where they have the bog king/dawn dynamic

sorry wait i was about to post this and i thought of a third one. s4 bughead vibes (beast/maleficent/hades are dating and ben/mal are dating and they all live under the same roof together. bal shares a half-sibling. no one ever comments on how bonkers this is. ben has the serial killer gene)

[gogenevieveart]

Prep school bughead 💙 Patreon commission for @daphnesvieira

[hotgirljosie]

Worried about her daughter's safety after the string of attacks, Mayor McCoy plucks her daughter out of Riverdale High in the middle of her junior year and transfers her to Stonewall Prep. Josie isn't happy about it, she doesn't want to leave behind her friends: Archie, Veronica, Midge, Kevin, and Reggie. She gets a lukewarm welcome at her new school. Brett gives her bad vibes and she can see straight through Alexandra's faux politeness. Alexander is a bit harder to figure out and she's as intrigued by him as he is by her.

[bireggiemantle]

au where instead of playing never have I ever the stonewall prep kids + bughead play truth or dare and bret dares jughead to kiss him. jughead goes through with it but this then prompts an after we collided esc exchange in which betty goes "truth or dare bret?" and when he says "truth" she immediately follows it up with "is it true that you're a whore? and you have to answer honestly" and then she tackles him to the ground and the two of them get into a fistfight.

[go-ldy]

Hi! Your Riverdale thoughts are always fun to read, so I thought I would drop by and ask one. What are some platonic betty pairings you wish the show would explore?

Ooh, thanks for this question, my dear! This is something I think about a lot because this show underserves its platonic relationships.

1). Betty & Veronica - We were promised B & V being a team you can believe in back in season 1 and the show has so far mostly failed to deliver on that promise. I appreciate that the Veronica/Betty/Archie triangle was (mostly) ditched, and that we have not had to endure Betty and Veronica fighting each other over him. I believe these two love each other. I feel that love more from Veronica’s end tbh in that I really believe that Betty is Veronica’s favourite person on this planet. Unfortunately, the last few seasons, we have not seen them interact much unless Betty needs Veronica’s help with something. I liked some of their season 2 material like when Betty drove Veronica away at the Black Hood’s bequest and then they reconciled. The episode where they investigated Sheriff Keller for being a serial killer / having an affair was a sheer delight. But aside from that, it has never felt like Veronica-and-Betty have an arc. The show could even play around with the idea that their friendship has become one-sided. Why not delve into that? Explore how Veronica might feel sidelined by Betty being more focused on Jughead, Stonewall Prep, Charles, youth FBI etc etc. while Veronica is struggling to cope with her dad’s illness. They could have had a big emotional storyline. Lili and Cami have great chemistry and would kill it. It is too bad their interactions are so infrequent.

2). Betty & Jellybean - We are robbed on this one! I have so many questions for what this relationship could look like. Sisterly? Friendly? Is Jellybean a little suspicious of Betty and then warms up to her? Are they a little competitive for Jughead’s affections? But we know none of these things because they have interacted a total of about two times in season 4 and none of those interactions were meaningful. I sigh.

3). Betty & Archie - YES REALLY. I DO WHAT I WANT. I love childhood friendship stories. The problem with Betty and Archie is that we are supposed to feel this weight of history and nostalgia and past with them, but it’s hard to believe in that history because we so rarely see them interacting.  I actually think there are interesting ways the writers could have explored the idea of Betty and Archie that would have been way better than what they did. What if Betty and Archie had grown closer during season 4 while Jughead was away at boarding school and Veronica was making rum? I could see how their SOs could have grown jealous and suspicious, forcing Betty and Archie to confront if there is anything more between them than just friendship - and ultimately realizing that any “romance” was the weight of expectations, and while they love each other deeply, it is as friends. That could have been a good story!

4). Betty & Glady Jones - I wanted them to interact so badly during the Gladys arc. I had the impression that Gladys disproved of Betty and I found this so interesting. Because Betty reminds Gladys of Alice who Gladys always knew she was in competition with for FP’s affections? Because Betty gives off the vibe of the perfect girl next-door and therefore too soft for her son? Because Betty is the daughter of a serial killer? I wanted to see them clash! And Jughead to be caught in the middle (but not really because Jughead is Team Betty through and though lol) And of course for Glady to grudgingly accept and approve of Betty in the end. Missed opportunity and I am forever bitter.

5). Kevin & Betty - This friendship is chronically underserved. I feel more emotional connection to the Gladys and Betty relationship - which literally never even happened - than I do to Betty and Kevin who are supposedly best friends. How did these two meet? What do they have in common? Why are they friends? The most meaningful interaction between them I can recall in four seasons is when Betty was like “stop cruising for men in the woods, there is a serial killer out there and it is super dangerous” and Kevin was all “stop slut shaming me” like Betty was the bad guy. NOT GREAT but still, I would be up for more resentment from Kevin over how he perceives Betty’s romantic relationships as being easier than his own.  It’s interesting to me how in so many AU Bughead fics, Archie and Veronica are always present as Betty’s friends, and sometimes Cheryl and Reggie, but never poor Kevin. I suppose part of it is because Kevin is himself so poorly developed as a character that it is hard to give much weight to any of his relationships.  

ALL OF THIS SAID, I do give the writers props for giving me Donna & Betty though, one of my absolute favourite dynamics to come out of this show.

[riverdalenerdlol]

I’ve made one of these before... but I haven’t updated it in forever so here’s a completely new one. These are all Bughead and all accessible on AO3. All the summaries are with the links, but I will be providing completion status, ratings, and warnings plus a one sentence blurb about each.

Riverdalenerdlol’s canon fangirling Series

PART ONE: i couldn’t stop myself from writing (and i’m not sorry) - 7/7 BUGHEAD

Teen

Creator chose not to use archive warnings

My short collection of Bughead (Somewhat) Canon Oneshots

Not all of these have much accuracy because I jumped ahead before the next episode aired, but there are a few good ones in there that are mostly if not completely canon compliant

PART TWO: if you just hold me (i might be okay) - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Mature

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, mentions of violence, injuries, and character death plus a PG shower scene

A post-3x22 hurt/comfort fic revolving around how Jughead helps Betty deal with her father’s death and her sister and mother’s disappearance

PART THREE: push my button (anytime) - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Explicit

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, smut, fluff, mentions of character death, child abuse (?), and abandonment

4x02 missing moment - Betty and Jughead’s sexytimes in the Pembrooke plus some of Betty’s leftover trauma from S3

PART FOUR: an overflowing bottle (of her own creation) - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Mature

Major character death (Hal Cooper), angst, implied smut, a healthy dose of fluff, lots of crying

4x11 drabble centered around Betty’s emotional state during the Quiz Show episode where she ends up destroying her father’s gravestone

PART FIVE: a moment away from you (makes me go insane) - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Explicit

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, smut, mentions of violence, a bit of stalking, fake deaths, fake murders, fake cheating

4x14-15 drabble about Betty and the gang covering up Jughead’s fake death, “the worst 36 hours” of her life, and the stress she endured during the entire ordeal 

PART SIX: (and when it’s over) you’re always there - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Teen

No archive warnings apply, PTSD, nightmares

Post-4x16: Jughead has another nightmare after almost dying in the woods and it’s Betty’s turn to make it all okay

finding safety (in security) Series

PART ONE: i’m not safe here (and you know it) - 10/10 BUGHEAD

Mature

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, (trigger warnings ahead) attempted rape, attempted sexual assault, child abuse, abusive parents, mentions of child abuse and abusive parents, domestic abuse, mentions of domestic abuse, depictions of violence, PTSD, implied/referenced self harm

Betty’s an author rising to the bestseller list after exposing her abusive parents in her memoir. After a traumatic experience, Jughead becomes her bodyguard. 

PART TWO: i’m safe now (and i love you for it) - 1/1 BUGHEAD

Teen

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, mentions of events in previous work, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of parental abuse, past trauma, anxiety

Epilogue set two and a half years after the end of the previous work. Two stories in two timelines collide. 

becoming the queen (of the underworld) Series

PART ONE: otherworldly (is how i describe you) - 9/9 BUGHEAD

Explicit

Graphic depictions of violence, abusive parents, PTSD, scars, nightmares, loss of virginity, my amazing ability to dance around canonical Greek lore incest

Greek Mythology AU - Betty as Persephone, Jughead as Hades (does any more really need to be said???). Zeus gets Persephone away from her abusive mother, throwing her into the arms of Hades under the guise that they are engaged. 

PART TWO: coming later ; )

Non-Series Works

i’ll mess you up (if you don’t shut up about her) - 2/2 BUGHEAD

Explicit

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, misogynistic and aggressive behavior, mentions of drug lords, mentions of gang participation, bullying, a little bit of harassment, smut

Prep School AU - inspired by a gifset by @lilireinhartsboobs​ - Jughead is a new student as Stonewall Prep and immediately has eyes for preppy, rich Elizabeth Cooper. Brett, jealous, tries to push Jughead’s buttons. It doesn’t end well for Brett... but Elizabeth digs it. 

i don’t care who you are (or where you come from) - 3/3 BUGHEAD

Mature (or Explicit, depends on who you ask lol)

Creator chose not to use archive warnings, social hierarchy, angst, bad parents, verbal abuse, a hint of physical abuse, friendship angst, romantic angst, tasteful smut, loss of virginity

Harry Potter AU: Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper end up in Hogwarts Houses that their parents strongly disapprove of and it brings them together in the craziest way. Six years later, Betty’s summer glowup has most of the male population in their year turning heads... including Jughead’s... even though he had been interested the entire time. 

Happy reading (or re-reading), everyone!

[daphnefangirling]

Bughead is dead, long live Bughead!

A little statement about my thoughts on what will be going down with Bughead in tonight’s episode of Riverdale. 

Bughead will always be my ship. 

But cheating is very triggering for me as someone who was cheated on by my ex-boyfriends and I cannot watch Betty do that to Jughead. And I would never want Jughead to be with someone who cheats on him. Because how can he ever trust her feelings again? She literally just told him (like a week prior or something) that he was the only man for her! Which, in retrospect, was clearly a lie. How will he ever trust that she won’t run to someone else every time they have an argument or disagree on something if this is what she does because he didn’t do his homework?!? What a mess!  Let me be clear: I say Betty, but I in NO WAY blame her, I blame that misogynistic writers room!

Cheating is not something trivial. It is something that messes with your head and stays with you for life in the back of your mind no matter how amazing your current partner is. I hate so much what they’re doing to Betty’s character. They’re ruining my self-insert character, which she’s always been since my days of reading Archie Comics digests as a kid. It’s character assassination, plain and simple for a misogynistic trope from the 40′s and a stupid male fantasy. The Betty Cooper we’ve gotten to know in the past 4 seasons on Riverdale would not do this. 

There was a way to explore B*rchie without destroying Betty and they chose cheap drama instead. They could have shown cracks in the foundation of Bughead’s relationship, they could have shown Betty slowly relying more on Archie than Jughead because of the distance of him being at Stonewall Prep. They could have had both couples break up before exploring buried feelings with other people. But they chose to have them cheat and make them terrible people instead. I for one will not sit by and watch that travesty. They chose to have Betty do exactly the opposite of what she assures Jughead and that’s why I can never ship them together anymore: she broke his trust in the worst way. In my experience: once a cheater... well you know how the saying goes. 

So while I will always love Bughead (heck, I have a tattoo of them!) Riverdale’s Bughead is dead to me after this. I don’t care how they do it, I don’t care that it’s for drama and Bughead will still be endgame, I just cannot support it. So this is where it ends for me and Riverdale the tv show. I’ve already cleared out some Riverdale stuff from my Bughead room (not the art on the walls, I couldn’t bear it), but the Riverdale merch: there’s a big box in my basement crawling space now (I’ll be selling those items if anyone’s interested, just DM me). And thank goodness most of my art was not canon related, but more AUs and often comics inspired, not so much the show.  

Because let me be clear about this too: Bughead in the comics is still my jam. Comics Bughead is awesome! I’m so happy I’m also into them because they’re truly the main way I’m coping with this. Also, my love for Lili is in no way affected by this. I continue to support her, just not with this specific project of hers. Riverdale will not get anything from me anymore.

And bless our Bughead fanfic writers for providing me with ALL OF THE AUs for my beautiful ship! I will also continue to commission artists for more Bughead art, it just won’t be of Riverdale’s Bughead anymore. For me, Riverdale ended at season 4, episode 16 and it was a glorious ending! I will not let them tarnish my ship with their entitlement and stupidity. While they are perfectly free to do as they please, I am too and I choose to get off the Riverdale train right here.

TL;DR - Riverdale’s Bughead is dead to me from here on out. Long live Bughead in all other iterations! 

[lovedinapastlife]

Ya know what? Bughead fandom needs something. Even if I’m not 100% on the endings r.n. of two of my fics, they’re basically complete. What do you want first?

A two part dark smutty Society Prep School Intense!Betty AU where she recruits Jug to Stonewall?

A fluffy-hurt/comfort multi-chap AU where once Jughead is ditched by Archie pre S1 for the camping trip, he goes to visit Betty in California?

“Society” or “Cali”? Or alternately, nothing? Let people be?

[rigginsstreet]

I want to here more about Gladys as a Stonewall prep kid

if i ever write the boarding school au im absolutely not using stonewall even though i would be justified because my version of the characters are actually gay but thats besides the point

so gladys would be there on a scholarship, obvs. something literature based. shes constantly getting in trouble for her uniform because its always wrinkled and messy and never worn properly and she absolutely adds pins and patches to her blazer no matter how many times she gets yelled at. if she wore fishnets and combat boots.... hot

i also imagine her with constant eyeliner smudges and messy hair cuz she always either up all night writing papers or partying (or balancing both) and shes basically running on black coffee adderall but thats her business and honestly she looks sexy so

speaking of drugs, shes absolutely overcharging all the rich preppies for their pot, pills, etc and shes making QUITE the profit. we love a business-minded queen.

she can often be found by herself with a book in her hand, cigarette between her lips. i love her....

OH and of course we cant forget shes banging like the entire female student population and theyre always all like “oh but im not a lesbian wah wah” and gladys could not care less so long as theyre ditching their waspy boyfriends at lunch to let gladys finger bang them in the bathroom. (mayhaps some of them actually end up catching feelings but... thats not gladys’ problem ok shes not looking for a commitment here)

also have a visual of gladys with her head under some girls skirt in the girls dorm when suddenly her boyfriend comes pounding on the door and gladys is like “well thats my cue to leave” and shes crawling out the window right as the guy comes barging in yelling and shit and gladys can hear a fight in the back while shes running off down the quad laughing her ass off. 

imagine having a boarding school plotline on your show and you make it so fucking boring like r*s did like i just wrote a masterpiece of an idea ugh my mind

[reggierightsactivism]

prompt | ronna + veronica at stonewall au

summary: although she had told her father many times no, no, she would not transfer out of riverdale high in favor of a prestigious prep school, the emotional aftermath of his sudden illness and veronica’s own recent break-up leaves her reeling and agreeing to pack her bags. 

she expected boredom. a stuffy but all-too-familiar change in scenery. what she didn’t expect was that the first stonewall friend she’d make would quickly lead her down a rabbit-hole of intrigue and conspiracy as she helps to uncover the dark past of the beloved plucky girl detective tracy true novels. 

send me a ship + prompt and I will make a moodboard and summary for a fic that doesn’t exist 

★ this prompt is up for grabs, feel free to write it; please just credit me with the idea!

[waterloou]

Helloooo all! I’m bringing back oc Saturday for these trying times to showcase some brilliant ocs! If you’d like to nominate your oc or somebody else’s, feel free to shoot me a msg, ask, or tag #ocextravaganzasaturday ! Also, there’s an option to submit a blurb!

Oc extravaganza Saturday guidelines

Below are links/blurbs for the featured ocs this week! Go check them out!

Amreen Carr created by @emiliachrstine

Headcannons

Headcannons 2

Headcannons 3

“Stay”

Game of Survival

Fluff

Edit 1

Edit 2

Edit 3

Edit 4

Gotta love a kick ass mama to baby yoda. Her and mando and the whole family are just wholesome and cool and please go give them some love! They deserve it!

Belle Sinclair created by @lilhemmo

Multifandom Queen:

5sos:

Sunshine

Soon to be Riverdale

Background:

“her name is belle sinclair - she was kind of a tom boy growing up, but her brother died when she started high school. he died while she was driving him home from a new years eve date and he was drunk so he was distracting her, but then they got t-boned by another drunk driver. however, her whole family blames her for his death and she has extreme survivors guilt.”

“she's a sunshine, little sun drop, sunflower! she's really kind and very forgiving and a people pleaser”

Go show her some love!

Billy Holmes created by @humangrumpycat

Introduction

Mythology moodboard

Playlist

Billy cackles, turning his chair to face an irritated Sweet Pea.

'I'm sorry,' Billy wheezes, wiping the tears from his face.

'You saw some dude spray paint a wall, and when you threatened him, he pulled a gun on you?' he asks, his lips pressed in an attempt to stop laughing.

'Yes,' Sweet Pea grits through his teeth.

'That's the best thing I've heard all week,' Billy smiles. 'Thank you for telling me this.'

Sweet Pea clenches his jaw, taking a deep breath.

'It's not funny,' he hisses.

'It was, though,' Phoenix snickers. 'You should've seen his face,' he says to Billy. 'Dude pulled out an M1911A1.'

'Holy shit,' Billy gasps.

'He pulled out a what?' Fangs asks.

'Colt .45,' Billy explains, followed by Fangs nodding.

'How would you know?' Sweet Pea asks Phoenix. 'You weren't even there.'

'I was right across the street, leaving the candle shop,' he answers.

'Why were you at the candle shop?' Fangs scoffs.

'Buying candles,' Phoenix comments, raising the bag on eye-level. 'I thought that was pretty obvious.'

'Can we focus on my problem?' Sweet Pea interrupts. 'And how I need to take care of it?'

'"Take care of it"?' Billy mocks.

'You got something for me?' Sweet Pea asks, nodding to the closet to his left.

'Oh, NOW you want a new weapon?' Billy scoffs. 'I've been telling you that for years now. I mean, I get the nostalgia bullshit. But like I said: we're big guys, and big guys need big weapons or it'll just look weird.'

'Like he's holding a toothpick,' Phoenix adds, followed by both Phoenix and Billy nodding at each other.

'Shut up, Phoenix, I don't see you carrying a machete around.'

'Don't I?' Phoenix smirks, opening his jacket to show a machete strapped on the inside.

'What the-' Fangs gasps. 'How-'

'Gem sewed in the straps for me,' Phoenix explains with the widest grin.

'So, can you get me something new?' Sweet Pea asks, growing more impatient by the minute.

'I might could,' Billy says. 'But not tonight.'

Both Fangs and Sweet Pea throw up their hands.

'I'm sure y'all can beat him up tomorrow, and I'd love to join,' Billy comments. 'But it's Tequila Tuesday at the LOVE Club downtown, and I'm meeting Ace, Spades, and Snow White in ten, so I'll be a wreck tomorrow.'

'Can I join?' Phoenix begs. 'I can dump my shit at Viper's on the way.'

'Got your fake ID?'

'Always,' Phoenix answers.

'Why the LOVE Club, by the way?' Phoenix asks. 'Don't we normally go to The Maple Leaf?'

'Well,' Billy smirks. 'There's this pretty blonde who sings there every Tuesday, and we've had some "eye-contact" for the last couple of weeks.'

'You mean, real-life Disney princess? Nice!' he chants.

'Also, The Maple Leaf's starting to attract more Ghoulies, and we don't need that shit,' Billy mentions.

Billy is a great bad boy. He’s hilarious, resourceful and it’s just extremely easy to like. Go give him some love!

Oli Parker created by @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle

Introduction

About ramble

Summer Camp AU

This boy is a hardworking, wholesome, compassionate ray of sunshine! Go give him some love!

Rhett Butler created by @s-s-southsideserpentine

Question

The common room of the boys dormitories was a ghost-town during this time of the night. Usually it was alive with haughty Stonewall Prep males, bragging about the colleges their showboat parents bought their way into, laughing at crude jokes and arguing loudly about theory and theology. Now though, in the late hours of the night after the RA’s were done skulking around the hallways with citations in hand, it was almost peaceful. Rhett Butler liked to sneak out of his dorm room and sit at the piano, basked in the milky color of the moonlight as it streamed in through the large, glass-paned windows. The high archways and ceilings made the soft tinkling of the piano keys sound like they filled the air around him and tucked themselves into every corner. He liked the emptiness of it all, how serene it could be to take comfort in his own loneliness. Rhett would wait until after lights out, way after the final few night owls broke themselves away from their studies, and would tiptoe out into the common room with his composition book in hand, jotting down music notes and time signatures while still trying his best to be quiet. A big anthology of British Literature is wedged in the doorframe, with Rhett trying his best to close himself away to conceal the noise. He’s too busy tinkering away at his next assignment for music class that he doesn’t hear the quiet thunk of the anthology hitting the parquet floor as someone slipped into the room with him.

“What the hell are you doing?” A voice pipes up from behind Rhett’s left shoulder, nearly scaring him out of his wits as he jumps, slamming the piano case down hard onto the keyboard.

“Holy hell” He chuckles, trying his best to recover and even out his breathing. His spindly fingers are shaking as he turns around to see the new scholarship student, Bianca something, in her pajamas, her curly hair dented and pressed from where her head pressed into her pillow.

Rhett had seen her around before, he sat in on the advanced writing seminar on the right day, he guessed, because he heard the girl make a snarky remark to that asshole Bret. It cost her an after-school detention but she gained Rhett’s respect immediately, and he had been intrigued by her ever since. Everyone knew about the scholarship kids, it was kind of hard not to. There were only a handful of them, a losers club of their own. But most of them kept their heads down and cowered at the taunts being thrown by their snooty classmates, making remarks about their thrifted textbooks and not-so-pristine school uniforms. Not this girl, though; it was a strange twist of fate, how he had wondered about her and now she was here.

“You know what time it is?” She asks with a raised eyebrow that doesn’t seem malicious, but Rhett doesn’t know how to take it.

Rhett palms the top of the upright piano until he finds where he tossed his phone, he clicks the home button, 3:13 am. “The witching hour” He muses, running a hand though his hair.

“Are you the one who’s always out here?” She asks again with that same hint of mischief. “That girl Donna’s convinced a bunch of freshman that there’s a ghost.”

“S’just me” Rhett mumbles, feeling embarrassed at the idea that his late-night musicalities weren’t as secret as he thought.

The girl walks across the room and sits on the other side of the piano bench next to Rhett. There was a funny sort of confidence she had, giving him an all-teeth smile as she says “So you’re the ghost”. Rhett smiles, excitement brewing in his stomach.

“Name’s Rhett Butler” He offers his skinny hand for the girl to shake and she does.

Gotta love a good, malnourished, take no bs academic boy. And he’s musically talented??? King. Give him some love!

[hayscodings]

not to be an uwu mess in your anons, but penelope and mary are dark academia and cottagecore girlfriends

ooh i never even considered that but you’re right, they would be!! ugh their minds...both of those aesthetics get me. 

i don’t think i’ve ever discussed it on here, but i have such specific headcanons about penelope’s birth mom’s aesthetic and i 100% believe that if she had actually raised penelope, penelope would’ve grown up to be very cottagecore drawn. she canonically has little elements here and there (the herb cultivation, thistle house’s conservatory, her giant bowl of strawberries, etc.) but i feel like it would’ve been much more amplified if she hadn’t grown up in gothic surroundings her entire life.

as far as dark academia goes...i’m now imagining penelope and mary in the stonewall prep uniforms. that storyline did nothing for me, but they went off with the aesthetics. wait, no, even better: au where penelope and mary both went to highsmith for college....the sapphic energies. they become close and it leads to many a secret rendezvous in the library....