#stinking willy

[joaoppereiraus]

The Girl's a Stinker

Posted previously on https://www.patreon.com/joaopereiracreations https://subscribestar.adult/joao-pereira-creations

Posted using PostyBirb

[narcissusbrokenmirror]

It's so funny that Alex is an all day stressed person.

but imagine him and Willie living together, Alex waking up relaxed and chill, just to find out that Willie's all day very chill relaxed non challant personality, doesn't exist in the morning.

Alex is making coffee for them both and Willie sits down. First of all, he looks sick, eye bags, his face has marks from the scrambled duvet, his hair is frizzy and matted up, and he has the facial expression of someone that saw a dead cat in the road.

And then Willie looks at him, no good morning, only "why did you let me sleep with my hair loose? Look at this mess."

Alex :well you fell asleep when we were watching tv i didnt wanted to disturb you.

Willie: So why YOU didn't fixed it for me?

Alex has no answer to that.

Willie express the nexts thoughts, his coffee is making him nauseous, his eggs smell horrid, his juice maker is too loud and "No, Alex, I didn't brushed my teeth yet, what are you? A dental cop?"

Alex is just amused and staring while Willie is running his hands through his hair and staring an empty plate.

Luke, Reggie and Julie come in bc they have some band stuff and Luke looks Willie up "Jesus...alex how are you attracted to this?"

And Reggie "wow we really fell into the trap that willie was a hot godsend. Shame."

And like THEY NEVER saw Willie in the morning so they don't think Willie will be upset by their clownery.

and alex wants to stop it but he also wants to see what willie will do about it

Willie tell them to get out his face, as he is ignored and the boys start to look for breakfast.

Willie: didn't you heard me? I told you that get out.

Luke: chill man we just mess-

Willie: OUT! Now!

Reggie: dude that breath is foul, you kiss alex with that mouth?

Willie, gets up and slam the table: If you don't get out of my house right now, i will kill the both of you with this butter knife and throw both your bodies in that dumpster outside!!!

Luke and Reggie: okay... Alex, we will get donuts and meet you there.

Willie looks at Julie who is puttint herself eggs. "Do you have anything to add too?" "... I love your shirt." And points to the shirt that is definitely stained with dental cream and drool. "Thanks, its Alex's." He says unamused and sits down.

Alex is staring and Willie catches him. "thanks for defending me, by the way." And alex "I want to marry you." "Then you should've gotten ME some donuts."

but alex is just always happy to have a demon boyfriend in the morning.

But he learns too, for example, Willie hates coffee and juice is not an everyday choice, willie WANTS pancakes and bacon and donuts but pancakes, bacon and eggs or anything that has too much carbs make him feel heavy and stuffed, and fruit just and juice are too acid for the morning.

ideal breakfast for willie in the morning that won't get him to complain? Tea and oatmeal with smashed banana and honey. Or guacamole if they have it.

Willie never gets better in the morning, Alex learned that he doesn't care how "healthy" it is, Willie doesn't brush his teeth in the morning. If he forgets to braid his hair before sleeping (which he does. A lot. Sleeps watching TV or drawing a lot.) Alex will either braid for him, or in the morning, Alex will get Willie through breakfast and sit him on the bathroom with a comb and some water, and gently get the knots out. Which usually gives Willie tingles and quiet time so he's more chipper after it. One time willie kissed him after it and said "sorry I am being a dick to you after I wake up." And Alex "please never stop being a dick to me in the morning."

And like when people finally learn to not talk to Willie in the morning, they think Alex mastered how to deal with him but.some mornings willie come in and Alex "i made your breakfast" and willie will go "i dont want it." And start preparing toast and bacon. And alex will look at him like "you know u dont like eating those at this hour, right?" And willie "i WANT to eat it, you can't tell me what to do!" And whoever is there thinks "wow alex is being a super sweet boyfriend and willie is being really moody" and when willie gets his breakfast ready he sits, stares and looks down.

Alex: you don't want it.

Willie: shut up.

Alex: well these look really good, so what about you gimme these, and you can have my yogurt with cereals. It has those dried minced fruit.

Willie: ... Is it creamy?

Alex: no.

Willie: ...fine.

Willi plops into Alex's lap and reach his made breakfast to Alex. And eats "alex's breakfast"

It basically means alex has double breakfast sometimes.

[3416]

it is so funny that everyone only started to care about full nmc after uncles have made such a big deal this offseason about it bc of players like.... mitch marner getting one on the his last year of the deal. it's never been such a hot topic before. like... it does not feel like a big deal to me to hand it out to players like your stars or to your actual number one defenseman despite age bc if he has health problems it's not like you're gonna deal him, you're gonna ltir him. robidas island EXISTS bro. everyone can stop being such a baby about it, thanks.

[thebotanicalarcade]

n134_w1150 by Biodiversity Heritage Library Via Flickr: Principal poisonous plants of Canada /. Ottawa :Dept. of Agriculture, Dominion Experimental Farms,1920.. biodiversitylibrary.org/page/23465962

[cozbunny]

i fucking love how shakespeares plays just got absolutely shitted on back in the 1500s and 1600s when they were first published like they weren't literally written by William Fucking Shakespeare

for example, the earliest known critique of shakespeares romeo and juliet, written around 60 years after the play was published, was written by diarist samuel pepys (who looks like a fucked up version of joseph quinn, as seen above). pepys wrote, "it is a play of itself the worst that I ever heard in my life."

it's so fascinating to think about how in ye olden days, the play garnered a scathing first critique, and then later an audience where the quality of the play itself was often something worth debating, when now, romeo and juliet is one of the most popular plays to ever be written, and the most famous and most adapted love (?) story of all time.

[simply-ivanka]

Interesting how each of these law enforcement officials prosecuting Trump are black.

Why is that? Are they racist against white people who have achieved success or are they malleable to be easily influenced by the powers that be in the Democrat Party?

What have they been promised? A high level job in the party or a high level job in the Administration or Congress, backing for their next election or a judgeship?

Watch these three and guaranteed each of them receives some quid pro quo after this election in November.

[demonsword586]

Hades pp headcanons! (Only the nobles)

I am...SO FREAKING SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! I AM IN MY FINALS MONTH AND I HAD SO MUCH TO DO AND I'M STILL NOT FINISHED!!! I am still writting but it's going slow since I don't have much time. In any case,I will be free in 2 weeks so this series should pick up the pace. Anyway here is more penis.

Barbatos

- Judging just from that bulge.... It's big,his balls I mean. The dick I presume is rather normal.

- 17 cm, 14 cm when soft.

- With how much time this man spends naked,you think he would have a tiny bit of tan. All over his body,his dick too since this man forgets what clothes are for when he sees the sun. But nope! He uses sunscreen with 120+ protection. You probably can't even see anything when he's around. The sunshine illuminates right off of him,making him as sunny as his personality.

- His dick is a bit on the leaner side. It's nice and slim like a rose stem. Suprisingly,he's circumsized! His tip is also a very gentle shade of rosy pink.

-It is a very beautiful penis,fit for a man like him and he's proud of it too! Unfortunatelly when you have a king as envious as Leviathan,it may be the best to keep it hidden when he's around. Barbatos had to learn this the hard way...

- Anyway the only thing that makes his pp a bit...unperfect,is the giant ballsack under it. A very pretty pp with big,squishy balls. Very squishable,but please don't play with them for too long. He's a bit of a tease so whatever you do to him,he will do it twice as pleasureable to you.

- Also,has a few small cuts on his inner thighs and butt. He likes to sunbathe around roses he grows and he's not the type of gardener to cut the thorns off. So he has to suffer the consequinces. But he's not too bothered by the little sting of those flowers when they bloom so beautifully and can still be fierce.

-But if you're sunbathing with him,he will be very careful to not let the thorns get you. He places you on top of him and holds you against his bare body. After all,you are the most perfect of all the flowers in the garden and he can't risk his rose to get pricked by thorns.

Glasyal La Bolas

- He stinks.

- This man is literary putting his pp into corpses. That thing smells and not the nice Beel smell but a smell of expired meat.

-He showers after...um....doing his thing,but this specific stench is quite hard to get rid off. In shame,he had to ask Orias for the strongest shampoo he knows off and 100% alcohol disinfectant from Paradise Lost. His king knows everything that happens in Hell,because of a certain invisible spy. You can imagine what horrors await him if his king found him walking around with a dirty willy.

- It's very cold too. No one knows how he does it but his body is naturally cold. Almost as if he's a corpse himself....meaning his pp can be quite refreshing in hot summer days!👍

- Now if you two are planning to have sex,berate him to take a shower. Even if he already did,make him do another one. I don't know about you,but I don't trust this man or his cock.

- Speaking of cock,we should talk about it. He is....large. Very large. He could have a shlong fight with Mammon if that ever happened. He is a centimeter behind Mammon though....still that thing is a beast.

-Some who got a glimpse of it said it is the stuff of nightmares. Not because of the size but the shape.

- He's thick,long and has a very unique tip. His tip is a bit spikier than most but only enough that it's noticable and very much pleasureable when he makes love with you. It's like his tip it designed by God to reach just the right spot in your insides. Not only that but his shaft naturally leans up when he's hard. It's like a pillar of monstrosity....If only you didn't know what he used that amazing dick for.

- But as amazing as it is,you need a lot of preperation to take him. It takes awhile for you to actually start to feel good and...he's not a very patient man. A night with him is like flipping a coin. You can either end up in heaven or in a hospital. Marbas as another big-pp owner always scolds him when you need to be healed up.

-Glasyal is not a monster though. He feels bad when you suffer because of his lust,though he will never admmit it straight. He does apoligise to you but not only with his words. He will put that evil mouth of his to good use and please his dying darling.~

Foras

- Shiny~

- He's...average in lenght. Nothing special,just a nice 15 cm pp.

-The color however!! Mm,tasty-looking. The shaft is a pretty,milky color with a pinkish hue. And the tip is just like his horns. A beautiful crystalic rainbow. It's a bit firmer than the rest of his cock. It also shines like a crystal when light hits it.

-He once skinny dipped in the sun with Barbatos and accidentally became the focus of gossip in Hades for a few weeks.

-It was a very sunny day and as soon as his pants fell to the floor,his member feeling the fresh air...Barbatos and a few by-standing devils got blinded by his penis. The sunlight shined right on his cock or more precicelly at his tip and blinded the eyes of many innocent devils.

-From that day onward he was rumored to have stolen a chip of the sun and now decorates his cock with it.

-The rumors ended up reaching his beloved king's ears...Let's just say Foras got a thorough examination by his idol while also threatened to be castrated by the envious king. Still the best day of his life.

-But do not worry about his shiny pp when you two are being intimate. He now always makes sure his foreskin is covering the tip. He will only show it once you two are in private without any natural light being close to it.

-Has a mole on his pubic area. Just a bit higher than where his member stands and on the left side.

- His cum...is of low quality.

-Mostly because it's invisible. You won't know when he's finished unless you check on his face. His face is very honest when it comes to pleasure.

- But yes,his seed is invisible. You can taste it in your mouth but can't see it. (If you randomly slip on nothing,it's his fault.)

- No hair. This man is as smooth as a baby's ass. Only because he thinks it would be rude of him to stand in his majesty Leviathan's presence while knowing there is pubic hair growing inside his pants. What if his king one day orders him to strip and be of service?! Oh...and for you too.

Orias

-....I fear him and his penis.

- He has a body of a young adult so...you can see why I am not sure if this is right of me to do...

(I will do Orias if people want but I am scared this could get....controversial.)

[friend-crow]

Silly alternative names for common plants!

agrimony - sticklewort

borage - bee bread, cool tankard 😎

comfrey - ass ear

dandelion - piss-a-bed, swine's snout

foxglove - cow-flop

hawthorn - bread and cheese

henbane - dog-piss

hops - beer flower

lavender - nard

mugwort - muggers, muggons, felon's herb

nettle - hokey pokey

parsley - devil's oatmeal

pennyroyal - run-by-the-ground, lurk-in-the-ditch (I am going to suggest the addition of slam-in-the-back-of-my-dragula)

plantain - rat tail

rue - herbygrass

skullcap - madweed

tansy - stinking willie

valerian - bloody butcher, pretty Betsy

Source: Wortcunning, by Nigel G. Pearson

[bougiebutchbitch]

NGL I do find it funny that the side of the fandom yelling “if you’re uncomfortable with the way Con showed up to a livestream with his whole bulge on prominent display you’re homophobic” is the same side of the fandom that was harboring multiple sexual predators lol throwback to the Canyon Kink Camp!! Anyway shoutout to the canyon for knowing how to be normal about people’s boundaries <3

I notice you sending this message to multiple people. On anon. Smells like teen cowardice.

So, first off -

You are lying through your teeth.

Victims of two sexual predators came forwards... and those sexual predators were immediately thrown out of the canyon. They were blocked/black-listed everywhere and deactivated! Explain to me how that is 'harbouring'?

Some weirdo also started harassing the victims because they were a friend of the perpetrators. They were...... also....... mass blocked and lost all their popularity, as far as I'm aware (I don't actually know that person, and am not on Twitter, etc.)???

Sexual predators will show up literally anywhere in society - including in your precious fandom spaces. Pretending that your half of the fandom is 'pure' and 'perfect' is, in fact, far more dangerous than acknowledging that there were predators, and dealing with them.

Especially when the antis were the ones crowing that people like me, who are abuse and rape survivors IRL, had 'no idea what abuse/rape looks like', and still are making claims like that in the tags - as well as sending asks accusing us of lying about our trauma.

All because we like a fictional character who you hate.

As for Con showing up in his underwear...

Literally nothing was showing.

You saw the SHAPE of a bulge. It was no more revealing than Tom Hiddleston's Loki outfit, and there have been uncensored gifs of that flying around willy-nilly (pun intended) for years without anyone being Shocked and Disgusted about it.

If you're not bothered by men being in underwear when you go to the beach and see guys rocking a budgie smuggler, but you're throwing a massive stink about a queer man being in his underwear on a ticketed show that was always marked as Explicit, and using it as an excuse to call him a sexual predator, I honestly don't know what to say to you.

Boundaries are real and important.

But if you went to an explicit stream and saw something mildly suggestive there, and proceed to accuse a queer man of being a sexual predator... You are the problem.

And yes, you are a homophobe.

Even if you are queer yourself, you are contributing to the dangerous rising current of accusing queer people of being 'degenerate' and 'perverse' for merely existing, because - oh, think of the children.

And that's without mentioning that Con is a vocal supporter of trans kids in the UK. We all know how queer people who dare to support trans people are unjustly painted as predators. It's happening on Tumblr, with the mass reporting and banning of trans men and women for 'inappropriate content' that is no more explicit than what cishet people have on their blogs. It's happening all over the world.

Hell, all profits from Con's livestream went to Mermaids (UK charity for trans folx) and true colours united (homeless lgbt youth charity).

Take a good long look at your argument. Take a good long look at the current political climate for queer people. Ask yourself who your insistence that Con is sexually inappropriate for... wearing underwear, is really helping.

If you feel this unsafe around even the vaguest suggestion of genitalia, the onus is on you to avoid any streams where you might encounter it. You're no different than people who read Explicit-marked work on AO3 and leave hatemail for the authors because you encountered smut.

[mr-megaphone]

Do you ever think about William Murderface seeing Knubbler collapse onto the dethsub the moment they meet & just saying "I have those same shoes" because I do. They have the same shoes. Maybe even the same size. Maybe Willy steals Dick's shoes but Knubbler can't reciprocate bc as well know his feet stink. Do you ever think about Knubbler in William's shirt. Am I mentally ill

i do think about that LOL

ha not very metal murderface umm h

[assortedseaglass]

��Wassail | Yuletide🌟

Tom Bennett x Fem!Reader

Summary: A minor indiscretion leads you to chaperoning the yearly children's wassail with none other than Tom Bennett.

Content: Fluff, Language.

Yuletide Masterlist

Spending the evening with a handful of excitable children and Tom Bennett wasn’t too bad, as far as punishment went.

You supposed your father thought the children, full of a night’s sugar after years of rationing, would tire you out with their boundless energy. Perhaps he also thought that Tom Bennett would scare you. A petty criminal that good, honest girls should be frightened of. Well, your father should know that you were far from good or honest. That’s why you needed punishing in the first place.

Word got to your father that you were seen in a compromising position behind the Capital Club with Willie Murphy on New Year’s Eve. You traced the source easily. Your father heard it from that busy-body, Mrs Browning, who heard it from her neighbour. The neighbour’s daughter just happened to be Minnie Goodman, Willie’s on-again-off-again girlfriend. The tale was a tall one, for in truth Willie Murphy snuck his hand up your skirt and you’d given him a smack. If Gossip Goodman wanted that creep all to herself, she was welcome to him.

“Hurry up you!” One of the little lads shouted at you as he made his way to the next house.

“Watch your mouth, Harry Tollet,” you said, coming to stand beside him and the other children. “You won’t be wassailing next year if your mother hears you talking like that to a lady.”

“My mum says you aren’t a lady,” Harry said, knocking on the door. A little girl beside him gasped. Before you could speak, Tom Bennett, who had been silent on the evening’s walk, stepped forward.

“You’ll get a clip round the ear an’ all if you keep on.”

Harry had no time to cower for the red door opened and the children sang a chorus of We Three Kings. Their tin cups were filled with mulled cider by the old lady at the door, and Tom ushered Harry away before his could be filled.

“That’s not fair-”

“Shoulda thought about that before you ran your mouth,” Tom shoved the little boy towards the rest of the group. “Best behaviour.”

One of the little girls whispered in Harry’s ear and gave Tom a wary glance. She smiled awkwardly at you and turned around as the next door of the street opened and the children began their singing once more. The house belonged to old Mr Preston, a widower who lived alone. His only son died in the war. He had no grandchildren. You watched, heart growing as the old man gave the children their cup of mulled apple and presented them each with a mince pie.

Silenced for a while by their full mouths, the children listen to old man Preston telling them tales of Christmases long ago. Enraptured, they forgot all about you and Tom. Thank Christ.

You smiled at Mr Preston and showed him your cigarettes, indicating the pavement on the other side of the street. He nodded knowingly and continued his tale.

Leant against the lamppost, you clicked your lighter and inhaled the heady smoke of the cigarette. Tom Bennett took out his own packets of cigarettes and placed one in his mouth. With his hands safely back inside his pockets, he swaggered slowly towards you, looking over his shoulder in a half-arsed attempt and chaperoneship. You snorted.

He came to a stop before you, clicking his heels together as though he were still in the navy. He looked down his long nose at you a moment, smirking. You weren’t rattled. He brought his long fingers to take the cigarette from your mouth and light his own with it. The end sparkled into life, the tobacco crackling. The low, orange flare of light illuminated his sapphire eyes, which were fixed on yours. That rattled you, just a bit. This was a man who made flirting an artform. He looked at your cigarette as he passed it back to you.

“Lucky Strikes? Very posh,” he drawled in his Manchester burr.

“Got ‘em from a Yank. Better than your filthy Marlboros. Bloody stink,” you took a drag and exhaled the smoke in his face. He didn’t budge, the smoke dissipating to reveal a fully born grin.

“Lucky Strike for a lucky strike?” Tom raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t be jealous,”

Tom puffed out his chest and sniffed the night air. He glanced over his shoulder. You smiled to yourself; you never knew it was so easy to hurt Tom Bennett’s pride.

Across the road, Mr Preston had finished his story and gone inside. The children were walking to the next house, some hand in hand.

“They don’t need us,” you nodded towards them.

“Nah,” Tom said. “War made them different. Self-reliant.”

You hummed in agreement.

“You’re welcome, by the way.”

You stared at him, amusement tugging the corners of your mouth. Tom Bennett always thought so highly of himself.

“What for?”

“Harry.” He stated simply.

“But you didn’t do anything,” you laughed brightly.

Despite himself, Tom smiled. “Hold on-”

“Don’t think I could have handled a ten-year-old myself?”

Tom took a step up onto the pavement and, in doing so, brought himself closer to you. “Oh no,” his voice dropped to a gravelly whisper. “I heard you can handle yourself very well,” One of his hands slipped inside your coat to rest against the slope of your hip.

It wasn’t his hand that made you bristle. It was the assumption that you were easy. Sure, you’d had your fair share of flings, but you didn’t drop your knickers for any fella with a sly grin and foreign cigarettes.

You took his hand in yours, moving it from your waist and dropping it back at his own side.

“I’m only here ‘cause Dadda believed in a load of old hearsay,” You flicked your cigarette to the ground and stamped it out under your heel. Tom didn’t hide the way he stared up the length of your stockinged leg. “I wouldn’t touch Willie Murphy with a ten-foot barge pole-”

“I know,” Tom said simply, idle hands tucked back into the pockets of his jacket.

You stared at him, lost for words. No-one ever believed you. Seemed to think because you’d had three or four Longsight lads, you’d had the whole lot. “Really?”

“Yeah, course I do. He’s an ugly little bastard with more spots than I’ve had hot dinners.” You laughed. Towards the end of the road, the children were singing again, and the lamplights began flickering into life. “I didn’t try it on ‘cause I think you’re easy,” with another step, Tom was pressed flush against you. “I tried it on ‘cause I like you.”

Your smile of genuine happiness turned to one of mischief. “Tom Bennett, are you going soft?”

In the dim light, his blue eyes twinkled. With a wink, he stepped back and began his slow walk towards the gaggle of children. Falling into step beside him, you walked in silence but for the chorus of We Wish You a Merry Christmas and clack of your heels on the cobbles.

Gently, boldy, you tucked your hand into his. “Not so bad, is it,  this punishment?”

“Not a punishment for me. Not a petty criminal anymore.” Tom said, smiling down at you and tugging you closer so that the kids wouldn’t see your entwined hands. “Nah, I volunteered.”

You stood still, mouth agape with amused shock.

“What?” Tom tugged your hand and you kept walking.

“You really have gone soft!”

“War’ll do that to you.” You bowed your head solemnly. “And the prospect of an evening with you.”

“Even with a headache’s worth of kids?”

“Even so.”  

Finally back with decent internet! The last few days of Christmas are going to be heavy with uploads!

The usual suspects: @arcielee @targaryenrealnessdarling @theoneeyedprince @ewanmitchellcrumbs @ellrond @cyeco13 @babyblue711 @exitpursuedbyavulcan @humanpurposes @myfandomprompts @barbieaemond @anjelicawrites

[sugarpopss]

Late Call

We're back Lee girlies I'm back on my corrupt sheriff shit. This so SO inspired by the lore for Lee and his post divorce with Flo girlypop written in the chat by yours truly and @bucknastysbabe and also I've had this google doc just...open in my tabs for ages. Here's the post for the dead motel I took the Plaza Lodge from.

fem!reader

Lee rarely responded to late night calls himself. One of the perks of being the sheriff-he got to go home at 7:30 and leave all of the idiots underneath him to deal with noise complaints and bar fights. Even if all Lee did with his free evenings was park his ass on the sofa and fill up with TV dinners and sodapop and packaged cookies, watch ‘I’ve Got a Secret’ and tug on his cock-it was still better than responding to hillbillies domestic disputes. 

It wasn’t uncommon to get calls from the apartment block his sister Sandy lived in, either. About ten years ago-when Lee had been a fresh-faced deputy with a wife and a plan and pants that fit-the building had been a motor lodge. Not a particularly nice one, but a functioning motor lodge nonetheless. The place hadn’t really started going downhill until they’d converted it into apartments. What did anyone expect? The rent was cheap, the building itself ill-maintained, and several of the residents seemed determined to make their units a welcoming home for all manner of pests. 

Units like Sandys. Christ, it made Lees eye twitch just thinking about the mess of her place. However much of the mess was his sisters and how much of it was the fault of her stinking pig of a husband was still up in the air. All of that to say-Lee wasn’t usually perturbed by calls from the apartment block. They were rarely a big deal. 

Despite knowing all of that-save the bits about Lee stuffing his face and jerking it to Bess Myerson-Willis still felt the need to call Lee up at nearly 11 o’ clock at night. Lee had been tempted to just not pick up the phone, but, well…he was the sheriff. He had certain responsibilities. Even if just hearing a voice from the station while he was at home made him want to groan. 

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry to bother you so late, Lee-” 

Really, everyone was meant to be calling him ‘Sheriff Bodecker’, but Lee wasn’t going to fight that battle at 11 at night. 

“You got a reason for buggin’ me like this? I don’t wanna spend my night chattin’ with you.” Maybe Lee was a little grumpy about being shaken out of his post-orgasm food coma. Maybe Lee was a little grumpy most of the time. 

“It’s just that a call came in from the Plaza Lodge, and I know that your sister lives down there , so I thought-” 

Lee didn’t even let the dispatcher finish. He was already annoyed that he’d had to haul himself up to answer the phone, and the movement had made the fullness of his stomach shift from ‘pleasantly full’ to ‘tight and queasy.. “I don’t need to go down there every time someone hears a goddamn bump. It’s a shithole. People call the police. Handle it.” 

“I know that, Lee, it’s just…” Willis was trying hard to justify the call. Pissing Lee off usually meant spending a shift out patrolling the county line, looking at skinny cattle and rusted out cars. “Well, the caller reported gunshots, and they said a woman was gettin’ all worked up and hysterical, so I thought maybe you’d want to know about it.” 

Alright, that did make a little knot of anxiety form in Lees chest. As tangled up and messy as his relationship with Sandy was, she was still his baby sister. If something was awfully wrong, he oughta be there. A sick, shameful part him-though not really that shameful-hoped that fucker Carl had finally put his hands on her; slapped her around or pushed her down the outdoor stairs. Something that wouldn’t hurt Sandy too badly, but would still let Lee finally get the son-of-a-bitch in handcuffs. Or even better-gunshots, agitated woman-Sandy had just snapped and shot Carl. Now that would be something worth getting up to see. 

With that in mind, Lee hung up on Willis while he was still talking and set to getting dressed and moving, and if he grabbed two Pepsis to drink on the way, that was his business. It was late, he needed the sugar to perk him up. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Lee pulled up to what used to be the Plaza Motor Lodge, he was greeted with both disappointment and relief. There was only one cruiser in the parking lot, and the whole place was pretty quiet; just a couple of people standing out on their porches, smoking or sipping from chipped mugs, trying to look like they weren’t attempting to nose in on their neighbors. That at least ruled out Carl having gotten a bullet in his ugly forehead.  Considering that Sandys apartment was one of the dark ones, the bastard was likely actually warm and cozy in his bed-which Lee had no doubt was riddled with bed bugs. What a shame. 

The door to a ground floor unit was open, however, so that was likely where the problem was. He could’ve just gone home right then. But he was already there, and unexplained gunshots were pretty unusual in Meade. People out in the holler loved to fire shots off at all hours of the night for reasons only Jesus knew, but Lee liked to think that the center of the county was a little more civilized. 

He rapped his knuckles on the doorframe, but didn’t wait to be invited in-just did it to let the people inside know he was there. Deputy Howser was sat on the sofa, a notepad balanced on his knee. The other person-presumably the apartments tennant-was pacing the short distance between the front door and the kitchenette. Agitated? Definitely. Hysterical? Yet to be seen. 

“Sheriff Bodecker!” Howser didn’t stand to greet him, but did pat the spot on the sofa next to himself. “You’re gonna want to hear this, Sheriff. Pretty lady’s got a real story for you, huh?” 

The apartments tenant paused in her pacing to whirl on Howser like a jungle cat. “How about you try taking me fucking seriously?!” 

Lee sort of thought steam was going to start coming out of her ears. 

“I’m not the one shooting at ghosts, miss.” Howser said, raising his hands in mock surrender. 

Lee stepped farther into the room. For all of the shit he’d done as sheriff, he was pretty good at the actual minutiae of police work. He’d defused more fights and talked down more angry and panicked people than he could count. 

“Take it easy, sweetheart.” He said in his best ‘everything is okay, miss’ voice. “I know you-”

“I’m not your fucking sweetheart!”

The woman had whipped her head to him the moment it left his mouth. There were mascara tear tracks streaking her cheeks, but she didn’t look sad or scared, just pissed to hell. 

She kept going. 

“If one of y’all would just listen to me for one goddamn minute I could explain!” 

Lee sighed and sat down on the sofa. The deputy nudged him, smirking, and Lee realized that the idiot was going to be extraordinarily unhelpful in sorting this out. 

“Get out of here.” Lee told him. Howser didn’t even question it, likely glad to have one more thing cut from his night shift. Back to the station to sit around and drink burnt coffee with his finger up his ass, most likely. 

Once the deputy had gotten his skinny ass out of there, Lee leaned forward, elbows on his knees-ignoring how that position made his gut roll against his belt. He had bigger fish to fry. 

“Listen, miss.” He began. “I can see you’re pretty worked up, that’s no good. How about you take a breath n’ sit down n’ tell me what’s going on. I hear you were shooting at something?”

She held back for a few moments, then seemed to accept that Lee was the best she was going to get and sat down. With the woman on one end of the sofa and Lee on the other, she told the sheriff what had happened. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She wasn’t shooting at ghosts. Lee had figured as much from the start, but it was nice to have confirmation. What she had been shooting at-or rather, what she had shot at, as there had, in reality, only been one bullet fired-was a man. According to her, a man she worked with in one of the shabby little offices in the center of town had been following her home for a couple of days. She had looked through the front window and seen his car lingering in the parking lot, pulling up in front of her unit then pulling out again and looping the lot. So she’d gone into the mostly empty parking lot and fired once, just to scare him. “Just so he knew I had a gun.” she’d said. 

Lee scrubbed a hand over his face when she finished the story. Some men just didn’t know how to handle rejection. Not including Lee, of course. Why, he’d never been rejected by a woman! Not that he was pursuing many these days, after the whole mess of the divorce with Flo, but still. 

“I’m not gonna arrest you for being scared.” He said. He wasn’t. If he had really wanted to, he probably could’ve gotten her for disturbing the peace or unlawfully discharging a firearm, but he didn’t really want to. He’d let worse things slide than a pretty young woman taking her safety into her own hands. 

“What if I had someone stop by here on patrol tomorrow night? Stick around the parking lot for a bit, make sure no one who shouldn't be there is hanging around.” 

She looked away from him, worked her hands in her lap. A lot of the furious indignation in her had faded away, replaced by exhaustion and anxiety. 

“What about tonight?” She asked. 

A reasonable question, but one that had Lee sighing and falling back against the couch cushions. “Jesus Christ, miss.” 

What about that night? Sure, Lee could call Howser back up and have him watch for a bit, but the dumbass would probably just upset the lady again. And Lee was already there-now that he had been up and moving for a bit, the queasiness from earlier had pretty much abated. He wasn’t even feeling particularly tired. 

“I’ll stay for a while.” 

“Really?” She didn’t demure or simper about the big strong sheriff not needing to waste his time on a little thing like her-although it would’ve done wonders for his ego. She just raised her eyebrows, a bit bewildered but pretty accepting. 

Lee nodded, then pushed off his knees and stood. Sure, he’d stick around for a bit. He could finish the half a Pepsi sitting in his cruiser and make sure no one sketchy was hanging around. Well, as far as it pertained to this lady and her problem-if they went and hauled out every creep and scumbag from the Plaza Lodge Apartments they’d have half the tenants, Sandy and her no-good cradle snatcher of a husband included. 

“I’m already here. God knows there’s enough to keep an eye on around here.” 

That got a smile out of her, albeit a small one. If he had been about ten years younger, didn’t have an ex-wife with some truly awful stories about him, and his belt wasn’t biting into his lower belly something awful, Lee would’ve been thinking she was real pretty when she smiled. Even when she’d been snapping at Deputy Howser like a rabid dog, she wasn’t bad looking-just upset. 

“I…I really appreciate that, Sheriff Bodecker.” 

Oh, if Lee didn’t just love the sound of that! ‘Sheriff Bodecker’ said with respect like that was music to his ears. If only everyone referred to him like that, instead of ‘Lee’ this and ‘Lee’ that. 

“ ‘S no trouble. I’m used to late nights.” 

Lee didn’t even know he was trying to impress her until it came out of his mouth. It was a bit juvenile, sure, but the little smile didn’t drop from her face. And he was being truthful! Lee was used to late nights-it was just that he was usually meeting with Leroy or carrying out some of that chickenshit bastards pseudo-mafia business. Lee’s preference was to have his belly full, balls empty and ass in bed by 10pm. 

She cocked her head a little, which made her modern bubble hairstyle bob. Flo had wanted to get a haircut like that a couple of years ago, when it just started to show up in the fashion magazines that filtered in from Cincinnati, and Lee had told her that it would make her look like a bobblehead. By far not the worst thing he’d said to Flo, but it still wasn’t great-especially considering how  cute he was finding the same look on this lady. 

She just looked at Lee for a moment, apparently weighing his offer in her mind, then glanced towards the apartments little kitchenette. 

“I could make you a cup of coffee, if you’d like. Or, um, I have some leftover spaghetti, if you’re gonna be around…” 

“That’s alright. I’ll be right out there in the cruiser, stick around for a while and make sure your jackass doesn’t show back up.” Lee hooked a thumb back towards the front door, still standing open against the cool night air. 

“Okay.” She didn’t offer again. The lack of persistence in her offer stung Lees ego, just a little bit. It’d been a bit since a woman who didn’t reek like the sweat and stale beer had paid him more attention than an eye-fucking. Losing Flo really had tarnished his reputation, goddamn her and her suited-up lawyer with his fancy office in Dayton. If he’d really wanted to put up a fight, he could’ve accused Flo of sleeping with the bastard. She almost certainly hadn’t been, but it would’ve made the whole process a bit more inconvenient for her. Maybe that was a petty sort of win to want. Maybe Lee was the sort of man who wanted those wins anyway. 

And that was the end of it. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By around 1:45, Lee was dozing off in his cruiser. He’d finished off his room temperature Pepsi, smoked a cigarette, hummed the earworm theme song from 'Name That Tune' and smoked another cigarette. He’d opened and closed the glove box at least six times, contemplating the Chunky bar stowed in there. 

All while keeping an eye on the other cars in the parking lot, seeing if anyone was going to try to cause trouble. He doubted that the idiot who had been bothering little miss thing was going to show back up that night, but that didn’t mean other horseplay wouldn’t happen-though depending on what it was, Lee would have to let it go anyway. The girls down at the Tecumseh and a couple of illegal substances all fell under the umbrella of ‘things Lee let slide for cold hard cash’. 

The door of miss things unit opened up, light spilling out for just a moment. If Lee had turned his headlights on he could’ve gotten a look at what she was holding, but he also probably would’ve spooked her into dropping it. It didn’t matter anyway, because she came right up to his drivers side window. He’d left it rolled down after the first cigarette. It was a nice night for May. 

She offered him a steaming mug with a cartoon cardinal painted on it. The aroma of coffee hit him instantly-good, fresh coffee, not like the shit at the station that comes out burnt then sits in the pot for hours. 

“It’s been a bit. I figured you’d take me up on this, now.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Lee responded, taking the mug. Their hands didn’t touch, though to be fair, the only person who did much touching on Lee those days was himself. 

The coffee was strong and sweet, just how Lee liked it. So she could at least make a good cup of coffee, and really…wasn’t at all bad looking with the tear tracks washed off her face. No Bess Myerson, but that was a high bar. She was plenty attractive for a town like Meade-and a man like Lee. 

A lot of things could be good enough for a man like Lee.

[fartenthusiastwriter]

The Saga of Billy Boy Part 12 - Date Night

As Will and Clay’s new roommate, Frank has weaseled his way into Friday night’s date. Get ready for the foul stench of romance 😈 where you can find all parts of TSOBB

- - - - -

Clay and I waited on the bench at the bus stop, as Frank leaned on the post looking out for the bus. I appreciated that this stop was in a busy area, so I had a chance to get a little fresh air and a break from having my face in Frank’s ass. Only a little, seeing that I was still face level with Bomber and he doesn’t care how many people are around.

PREEERRRRRT

A few people walking by either chuckled or plugged their nose as we were hit with another blast from Bomber. While I enjoyed these gifts, I hoped the bus would be here soon for Clay’s sake.

My wish came true as the bus approached. Clay and I stood up and Frank gestured for us to enter. “After you, Billy Boy,” he added with a wink.

When I climbed on the bus, I noticed Frank whisper something to Clay. Preoccupied, I found a spot on the bus and sat in the middle. The seat was a tight fit, so Frank and Clay each had to lay a leg over me. Fortunately, there was only people behind us, so no one could see how intimately we were sitting.

PRTRRRT

I felt a short but loud fart erupt from Clay. “Damn, Billy Boy!” Frank yelled loudly, plugging his nose, “can’t you hold it in until we’re off the bus?”

“It sure does stink, Willy.” Clay added, projecting for the whole bus to hear. My face grew red as I quickly put together their rouse. I placed my hands over my growing crotch.

BWRWWRBRWRWRWRWR

An even louder, brassy fart trumpeted for a whopping ten seconds. A feat that could only be achieved by Bomber. Clay could only cover his nose, leaning over to stifle laughter and coughing.

“I told you not to eat that burrito!” Frank chastised, ruffling my hair.

The charade continued until we arrived at the movies, receiving ugly looks and even some words from passengers as they left. I took a deep breath of movie theater popcorn as I led the group off the bus.

As we entered the theater, we realized we were the only ones there. As soon as we picked out our seats, Frank looked at me and Clay, “Billy Boy, hand that popcorn to Clay.”

I rolled my eyes, knowing where this was going. I turned to hand the popcorn to Clay; when I turned back, Frank was bent over with Bomber fully exposed. Frank grabbed my head and pulled it in.

BRRRRRRRT

“Bomber just wanted to give you a kiss before the movie. He’ll let you watch the show, but he’ll be sending you messages,” Frank jiggled his cheeks against my face. I gave a last big sniff before removing myself and sitting back down.

We all sat down, and Frank immediately christened his seat with a fart. In the five minutes before the trailers, Frank managed to fart over twenty times. The whole theater reeked of Bomber’s love.

As the trailers started, I realized I had to pee. I handed the popcorn to Clay and walked quickly to the lobby. When I returned, I found Frank in my spot next to Clay. Frank saw me and said “You didn’t think I’d do all that farting in my own chair?”

I started to cross to sit in the open seat next to Clay, but Frank grabbed my arm. “Bomber was warming that seat up for his sweetheart. You wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

I gave in and sat down into Frank’s old spot. I immediately noticed a damp feeling in the cushion from all the farts Bomber unleashed. The smell radiated here more than ever and my boner raged on.

I noticed Frank and Clay whispering and giggling when I went to get some popcorn. As I started to pull away with a handful, Frank grabbed my wrist. He pulled my hand down to his ass and Bomber sprinkled my popcorn with a fart. I ate the popcorn, as the mix of aroma made for an odd experience. Frank farted on every handful of popcorn I got throughout the movie.

As the movie neared its end, I looked over to find Frank and Clay making out. Frank had each of his hands stroking their cocks. Frank slipped an eye open and saw me watching. “You know what you have to do if you want to get off too, Billy Boy.”

Understanding his order, I put my face between his legs while I slipped my cock out of my pants.

BRRRBBRBRBRBT

I sniffed vigorously as I felt Frank’s balls slap against my forehead. Frank continued to jack himself and Clay off, while I took care of myself.

BBRFPTPPRPRPORBRBRT

Another fart blasts my face forcing me to climax. I finish stroking and start to get up, but Frank forces my head back down.

BRRRRT BBRRRRRT BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRT

Frank and Clay both begin to moan loudly as they cum. Frank covers your hair with his jizz. He begins rubbing it in, dissolving it as if it were hair gel. Frank proceeded to force me to lick up any other cum from myself and Clay.

The bus ride home was empty, so I sat alone as Frank and Clay stood in front of me. Every few seconds, one of them would pull my face in and rip a fart. Mostly Frank.

At home, we headed straight to the bedroom. The farts on the bus had my cock ready for round two. I laid down face up. Frank sat Bomber down onto my face; Clay sat on my stomach with his ass facing my cock. Each ass showered me in farts as I got off for a second time.

Exhausted, Frank and Clay joined me on each side to cuddle as we drifted to sleep.

That I dreamed I was back in the theater with Frank, Clay, Brad, Tony and all kinds of people I’d known in my life. As the screen lit up, I saw myself naked on my knees.

The audience burst out laughing, several people nearby pointing me out. “Tell me what you want Billy Boy” I recognized as Frank coming from off screen.

“I want to sniff your farts, Master Bomber.” I answered in the movie. I covered my face as the audiences laughter soared.

I peaked through my fingers as I saw Bomber come into frame. Makeup had been put on Bomber to make it appear like a woman’s face. The audience erupted as I begin making out with the lips.

BRBRBRBRBBRT

Movie me sniffs and kisses, getting deeper into the crack and covering myself in makeup. I look away from the screen to realize the men around me had stood up and several more were on their way, not a pair of pants in sight.

Recognizing each face, I saw the men of my life surround me. The last thing I remember is the dozens of asses blasting endless farts.

- - - - -

See the beginning of Will’s life collapse on the next part here.

[sassenach77yle]

||COUNTDOWN ||SEASON 3 EPISODE 04 || OF LOST THINGS ||

#83daysofoutlander☆

“Have you really got to go, Mac?” he asked, in a very small voice. “Aye, I have.”

He looked into the dark blue eyes, so heartbreakingly like his own, and suddenly didn’t give a damn what was right or who saw. He pulled the boy roughly to him, hugging him tight against his heart, holding the boy’s face close to his shoulder, that Willie might not see the quick tears that fell into his thick, soft hair. Willie’s arms went around his neck and clung tight. He could feel the small, sturdy body shake against him with the force of suppressed sobbing.

He patted the flat little back, and smoothed Willie’s hair, and murmured things in Gaelic that he hoped the boy would not understand. At length, he took the boy’s arms from his neck and put him gently away. “Come wi’ me to my room, Willie; I shall give ye something to keep.”

He had long since moved from the hayloft, taking over Hughes’s snuggery beside the tack room when the elderly head groom retired. It was a small room, and very plainly furnished, but it had the twin virtues of warmth and privacy. Besides the bed, the stool, and a chamber pot, there was a small table, on which stood the few books that he owned, a large candle in a pottery candlestick, and a smaller candle, thick and squat, that stood to one side before a small statue of the Virgin. It was a cheap wooden carving that Jenny had sent him, but it had been made in France, and was not without artistry.

“What’s that little candle for?” Willie asked. “Grannie says only stinking Papists burn candles in front of heathen images.” “Well, I am a stinking Papist,” Jamie said, with a wry twist of his mouth. “It’s no a heathen image, though; it’s a statue of the Blessed Mother.” “You are?” Clearly this revelation only added to the boy’s fascination. “Why do Papists burn candles before statues, then?”

Jamie rubbed a hand through his hair. “Aye, well. It’s…maybe a way of praying—and remembering. Ye light the candle, and say a prayer and think of people ye care for. And while it burns, the flame remembers them for ye.” “Who do you remember?” Willie glanced up at him. His hair was standing on end, rumpled by his earlier distress, but his blue eyes were clear with interest. “Oh, a good many people. My family in the Highlands—my sister and her family. Friends. My wife.” And sometimes the candle burned in memory of a young and reckless girl named Geneva, but he did not say that. Willie frowned. “You haven’t got a wife.” “No. Not anymore. But I remember her always.” Willie put out a stubby forefinger and cautiously touched the little statue. The woman’s hands were spread in welcome, a tender maternity engraved on the lovely face. “I want to be a stinking Papist, too,” Willie said firmly. “Ye canna do that!” Jamie exclaimed, half-amused, half-touched at the notion. “Your grandmama and your auntie would go mad.” “Would they froth at the mouth, like that mad fox you killed?” Willie brightened. “I shouldna wonder,” Jamie said dryly. “I want to do it!” The small, clear features were set in determination. “I won’t tell Grannie or Auntie Isobel; I won’t tell anybody. Please, Mac! Please let me! I want to be like you!” Jamie hesitated, both touched by the boy’s earnestness, and suddenly wanting to leave his son with something more than the carved wooden horse he had made to leave as a farewell present. He tried to remember what Father McMurtry had taught them in the schoolroom about baptism. It was all right for a lay person to do it, he thought, provided that the situation was an emergency, and no priest was to hand. It might be stretching a point to call the present situation an emergency, but…a sudden impulse made him reach down the jug of water that he kept on the sill. The eyes that were like his watched, wide and solemn, as he carefully brushed the soft brown hair back from the high brow. He dipped three fingers into the water and carefully traced a cross on the lad’s forehead. “I baptize thee William James,” he said softly, “in the name o’ the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.” Willie blinked, crossing his eyes as a drop of water rolled down his nose. He stuck out his tongue to catch it, and Jamie laughed, despite himself. “Why did you call me William James?” Willie asked curiously. “My other names are Clarence Henry George.” He made a face; Clarence wasn’t his idea of a good name.

Jamie hid a smile. “Ye get a new name when you’re baptized; James is your special Papist name. It’s mine, too.” “It is?” Willie was delighted. “I’m a stinking Papist now, like you?” “Aye, as much as I can manage, at least.” He smiled down at Willie, then, struck by another impulse, reached into the neck of his shirt. “Here. Keep this, too, to remember me by.” He laid the beechwood rosary gently over Willie’s head. “Ye canna let anyone see that, though,” he warned. “And for God’s sake, dinna tell anyone you’re a Papist.” “I won’t,” Willie promised. “Not a soul.” He tucked the rosary into his shirt, patting carefully to be sure that it was hidden. “Good.” Jamie reached out and ruffled Willie’s hair in dismissal. “It’s almost time for your tea; ye’d best go on up to the house now.” Willie started for the door, but stopped halfway, suddenly distressed again, with a hand pressed flat to his chest. “You said to keep this to remember you. But I haven’t got anything for you to remember me by!” Jamie smiled slightly. His heart was squeezed so tight, he thought he could not draw breath to speak, but he forced the words out.

“Dinna fret yourself,” he said. “I’ll remember ye”

16 WILLIE ~ voyager

[theflaggerrrr]

[ ID: A 5 stripe flag that has the colors dark green, green, greenish white, grey and darker grey on it. ]

" Smellintic / Smellyromantic "

A joke term for aromantic people who don't quite fit the "aroma" part of aromantic, they STINK!!!! As always, made as a joke, can be taken seriously.

[ID: A transparent image that says "Willy holds no DNI, but is not afraid to block." with a picture of the account's mascot (mentioned in the introduction) upside down.]

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Hi, how about oblivious farmer? Like half the town is in love with them and they give them hints they don't see. The farmer treats them as good friends and says they want to be friends with them forever lol. It would also be nice to see them compete with each other a bit (Especially Alex vs Sam, because I like them the most. But my character probably won't get involved with anyone because I'm a little afraid of them having kids. Of course I like kids and would be nice having children, but I just i heard that in sdv they are creepy and people turn them into birds, i'm a bit worried…so story almost taken out of my character's life in stardew valley). Sorry for writing so much and have a nice day

Thank you so much for your ask, dear anon!

_________________________________________

Oh Yoba, bless the heart of the oblivious Farmer. And bless the patience of all the bachelors and bachelorettes who are trying their best to make almost obvious hints to win the interest of the young and chaotic Farmer of the whole Valley. But the real chaos began when word got out that Farmer so-and-so didn't mind dating both guys and ladies. That is, the bachelors began their competition for the Farmer's heart, not realizing that the bachelorettes were also determined to win the Farmer for themselves. Moreover, each was for himself, and one individual has to have as many as 11 potential competitors.

Some left the "game" as soon as it started, not believing that they would have any chance (Penny, Shane, Maru and Sebastian), some began to show "aggressive" friendship to Farmer, almost sticking to them like a faithful dog that would bark and cackle at the sight of outsiders (Alex, Abigail Sam), while others did not employ any tactics, considering sincerity and friendship to be the key to winning hearts (Harvey and Emily). Some decided to go for the sly, and with the help of not too damaging friendship and mental health gossip cleverly push the competitors away from Farmer and win themselves over (Haley). And it also happens that some people were so caught up in the battle for young Farmer's heart that they didn't notice how they fell in love with each other (Elliott/Leah).

The married and adult residents of the Valley looked on in total shock. Someone, namely the parents of some of the bachelors (those same Jodi, Robin and Caroline) also tried to hint to Farmer that their son/daughter really liked them. Someone (Lewis) tried to talk sense into the love-crazed youngsters by nagging them to stop their "loving advances". The children (Jas, Vincent, and Leo) looked on with incomprehension, believing it was "just another grown-up fad" that they, alas, could not yet comprehend. How the others (Marnie, Willy, and Gus) laughed heartily at the whole thing, and how George grumbled at home because all that "love cacophony" kept him from watching TV. Also laughing heartily, the old adventurers (Marlon and Gil) genuinely didn't understand how their young Guild member could calculate sophisticated tactics against dangerous monsters, but can't figure out when someone is flirting with them (they even made a bet who would win, just for fun). Rasmodius shook his head and asked the Farmer if they had knocked over the love potion.

What's funny is that in the end the Farmer's choice fell on Krobus. Because they're a sweet, kind, cool monster, and they smell like licorice. Who would have thought that happiness can be found in stinking sewer drains. Although, given that diamonds or gold ore are found in some garbage cans of the residents of Stardew Valley, there is nothing to be surprised at all...

PS: Also yeah, you're right. Sometime, children in this game looks like a nightmare fuel 😅 And the fact than you can rid of them by turning them into pigeon... Oy vey.