#still love you though SE Saeran

[marshmallowprotection]

Could se suit fall in love with someone that shares a lot in common with him? Could he fall in love with a girl that dresses in dark clothes and gets angry/snappy easy, who isn't innocent/docile or wears soft colors?

I think I've answered this question a hundred times but I don't mind answering it a hundred times more because people have this misconception that they need to be like the default player character for Saeran or Ray or literally ANYONE in Mystic Messenger to be loved. That is not the case. The characters will always love you for who you are.

The base character you use to interact with them is just there to help you immerse yourself, your immersion doesn't depend upon how close you can get to the way that character acts. If you're similar to the default MC, cool! If you're not, also cool! There is no correct way to be. The goal is to be yourself, because that's how the characters will love you best. It's easy not to believe that when you may not have contextual evidence to say otherwise, but I'm telling you now, You Will Be Loved regardless of your style or what you look like or whatever you're thinking of that might cause you not to be loved.

To be more specific in this situation, he would be happy that you're being true to yourself instead of trying to pretend to be something you're not. He out of anyone understands what it feels like to be forced into a box to gain other people's acceptance, and he doesn't want to go through that ever again, and he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy because it's a miserable existence. Suit Saeran wouldn't want you to be someone you're not for him. In fact, I should point out that if Ray ever tried to fill your closet with frilly, colorful clothes that didn't match your personality, he'd be upset about it.

Because, again, he knows what that feels like. That would change up your Mint Eye experience quite a bit. "Wow, can you believe you still want Ray back when he tried to force you into a box? I wouldn't dare do that to you... you're just a toy. What point is there in trying to make you something you're not? Just a toy, not a frilly plaything."

In the case of GE Suit Saeran, yeah, he's a lot further along in his journey of coming to terms with what's happened to him in life, and he's just happy you've given him a second chance to make up for his mistakes. He's not thinking about your style. He's thinking about doing his best to show you he loves you and that he wants to get better for himself. Speak your mind, tell him off when he makes a mistake, he wants to be told what's what.

I wouldn't agree with the notion that the default MC is innocent or docile, though, but I understand that you may not mesh well with MC's overall gentle kindness at times? But, damn, default MC does tear into Rika and V non-stop if you pay close enough attention to the callouts.

[rfaromance]

the thing is-- I would love to send some asks about saeyoung for the alphabet list, but canon already feeds us so well like... he feels fleshed out and realistic. I can use actual story details to learn more about him... Every time you have a headcanon it makes so much sense, like, of course that would be how he sleeps with mc (IN THE BED) and the nicknames he would have for them. that being said, let's start down the line for the rest of the letters you haven't hit yet! How about b, d , and e for the bunker gang so they don't feel excluded lol.

Canon is very kind to the Choi twins! We have a LOT on them. But headcanons are still fun for the gaps or to see how they interact with different types of MCs, etc etc.

I'm honored you think my headcanons make sense for Saeyoung, though! He is the love of my life >w<

Saeyoung

B: Saeyoung is 100% banned from the kitchen. Saeran actually put up a sign saying "KEEP OUT" with a picture of Saeyoung on it. (He tried "Keep out Saeyoung" but then he insisted his name was Luciel, then 707, then Chilyoung, etc.) Vanderwood thought that wasn't enough and put up another sign in the kitchen itself saying "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK, BRAT." You blow up like, 3 appliances, and suddenly you're a menace to society who can't be trusted to pour a bowl of cereal.

D: Saeyoung is the type who “relaxes” by keeping active. He will pick dates that are adventurous and full of whimsy, if given the option. He'd want to go to a fair, or an amusement park, or an aquarium, or accidentally-on-purpose enter himself and MC into a paintball tournament. He has to lay low at times knowing his father is still a threat, but he can do exciting dates at home, too! Puppet shows with a star projector in the background! Video game tournaments! Cupcake Wars until Vandy catches them and chases them out of the kitchen with a broom!

E: Giving gifts!!! As much as he loves physical touch, he finds himself overstimulated more easily than he's ready to admit. And he loves telling MC how much he adores them, but he gets flustered easily too. However, this man really said "I'm going to build you a cute fire-breathing robot dog, and then a robot cat that's programmed to act like 707 so you never get lonely, and also a penguin robot for my brother that dispenses ice cream, and--" He's a gift giver, but he builds all his gifts. He loves tinkering to make creations that make people happy!

SE Saeran

B: Saeran enjoys baking moreso than cooking, but he cooks plenty! Sometimes following a recipe is a good way to dissociate as you stir and pour and measure for a while. He also knows that if he wants real food (for the first time in his life, tbh), he has to make it himself because Saeyoung is a lost cause in the kitchen. He actually has fun learning to cook simple recipes and testing both his culinary and dietary limits, but he won't admit it.

D: A date? With SE? That's just sitting on opposite sides of the couch, with him and his love interest eating their preferred snack (ice cream for him), and maybe watching TV or reading books or just doing their own thing. He's peak parallel play. Just existing in someone else's presence and not feeling tense and guarded... means the world to him.

E: Quality time. SE is someone who's unfairly accustomed to being alone. He has severe abandonment issues and does not trust easily. So if he's willing to spend time with someone, just being in the presence of another while they read or do chores, that's the ultimate sign that he cares.

Vanderwood

B: Vanderwood is the main reason anyone stays alive in the bunker. You can't survive on HBC and PhD Pepper, Saeyoung!! If Saeyoung's MC can't cook, then Vandy has to step up to the plate. They've been keeping the brat alive for this long, after all. They have a leopard print apron and do a lot of meal prep.

D: Oh lord. If you want Vanderwood to ever be vulnerable enough for anything resembling a date, good luck. They try not to get close to people anymore. Even after the agency is dismantled, Vandy still struggles to build connections, if only because he knows how dangerous it is to care about people. He knows how quickly & easily the people they love can be taken away. (That being said, Vandy would be into casual dates. Just going for walks or watching plays. Maybe hit up a museum. Just enough to feel close but also keep his lover at arm's length.)

E: Acts of service, for sure. They clean Saeyoung's place! They make sure he doesn't die on missions! They negotiate with the boss when Saeyoung is procrastinating! They make sure he eats more than chips and soda! Vanderwood will huff and puff about doing chores or looking out for others, but does it anyway. Do they actually mind, or is it a front? Damn tsundere. We see you let out a resigned sigh and a half-smile as you run errands.

[natasha-in-space]

Hii

It's my birthday today and I was wondering if I could get a fic for Saeyoung and/or Saeran spoiling the reader on their birthday? It can be SE, where you're with Saeyoung, or Saeran GE where you're with Saeran; but live with them both

Happy birthday anon! :D I know it's a day late, but I was super tired and didn't want for this to come out clanky as a result of that. I decided to go with GE Saeran with some Saeyoung shenanigans sprinkled in as a bonus... 👀

Whenever it came to you, Saeran has always gone above and beyond, to try and make everything picture perfect to his countless romantic fantasies, spoiling you rotten just as you deserved in his point of view. Needless to say, your birthday was definitely no exception to that golden rule of his. You already knew he was planning on something that is undoubtedly going to blow your mind, regardless of how hard he tried to hide his growing excitement from you, as your special day was slowly creeping up closer and closer with each passing hour of the week.

Though, you wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that your passionate boyfriend was planning on something whole months in advance.

When it came to your brother in law, though? He was the complete opposite of his twin in regards to planning. In fact, Saeyoung was as spontaneous as can be, bringing much needed exhilaration into your overall peaceful and predictable daily life. With the older Choi, you never knew what to expect on each and every morning, be it something good or bad. Numerous cooking disasters and surprise family trips were a routine at this point.

This was going to be your first birthday spent by Saeran's side. You weren't at all surprised to wake up to a bedroom that was practically bathed in various fragrant bouquets, each representing different flowers of all shapes and sizes, as well as the heavenly smell of a warm breakfast in bed. If making sure that you would wake up with a smile on your face was a part of Saeran's list for today, he was definitely successful at that.

So, you didn't want to keep him waiting any longer, groggily sitting up in your shared bed and rubbing the sleep from your eyes with a small yawn falling from your lips. He was always the early bird between the two of you. It wasn't at all strange to see your boyfriend already up and hurriedly running to your side as soon as he saw you, at last, wake up from your peaceful slumber.

You couldn't help but giggle at his adorable display, not putting up a fight at his countless kisses, as he was quick to cup your cheeks into his hands and start his sweet attack. "Good morning to you too, love. I see you've been... busy."

"This is nothing." Saeran murmured, placing a final lingering kiss on the top of your head, a tender smile adorning his soft features illuminated by the sunlight peeking through your thin curtains. Here you were, barely awake, your hair's a complete mess and your skin still oily from your good night's sleep, all while he gazed at you as if you were the most beautiful creature in existence. His earnest and genuine adoration for you never stopped surprising you up to this very day. You were the luckiest human on this whole entire planet to end up with such an amazing man by your side. Seemed you got lost in your own sweet little daydream, as it took you a few moments to register him saying something in a hushed tone of voice, caressing your cheek with a featherlight touch of his fingertips that made you shiver with excitement. "Happy birthday, my love. I wanted to make sure that I'll be the first to tell you this, before anyone else gets the chance to. I hope this day will be filled with plenty of happy smiles and laughs for you. I love you, Y/N... Today is truly a wonderous day to bring such a blessing into the world. I want it to be all about you."

To be fair, you should have prepared yourself for an emotional speech from him in advance. Too bad you were distracted by all the flowers adorning your bedroom, which is why now all the air left your lungs in an instant, leaving behind only a swarm of fluttering butterflies to bring your heart to life. You knew that Saeran was a sentimental man. You knew he'd spoil you rotten and whisper sweet nothings into your ears until you're are red as a tomato on this very day. You knew all that, and yet... It was so easy for him to sweep you off your feet with only a few beautiful words that would make your head spin from just how much you loved him. You couldn't help the urge to cup his own cheek and pull him closer, sealing your lips in a passionate and heated kiss, one that would make your knees buckle and your lungs burn for more air as you pull apart.

Cheeks flushed, all you could really do in response was whisper: "I can't wait to see that."

And you weren't lying. You couldn't wait to see what this day has in store for you. With Saeran right here, holding your hand, you knew that everything will be just perfect.

~~~~

After finishing your most filling breakfast, packed with all of your favourite treats and a long talk about all the flowers he chose to decorate your room with, you two finally decided to leave your shared bedroom, joined at the hip even inside of your own house. Although you did try to repay the favor several times now out of pure habit, you were always stopped by a gentle kiss to your lips and a teasing remark reminding you that it is your birthday, and that you should allow yourself to be greedy for once.

Still, you made a mental note to yourself to make sure that Saeran gets twice - no - thrice the amount of loving once this day comes its end. Maybe it was a little bit silly of you to create a whole contest out of showering each other with affections, but neither of you really cared about how sappy you might have appeared from the outside perspective. As long as you could make Saeran laugh and swoon at your antics? You were more than willing to play the role of a lovestruck puppy.

What you didn't expect was to be met with a loud 'bang!' and a wall of colourful streamers showering down on you from above. You couldn't help but yelp, instinctively pressing yourself into Saeran's side and shutting your eyes tightly. Though, it wasn't long before you quickly put two and two together once you heard the oh, so familiar joyous laughter of the older Choi descending on you just as abruptly as his dramatic greeting.

"And our birthday star finally arrives!! I hope this grand surprise was to your liking, your Majesty... Today, we're all at your service, from the crack of dawn to the final seconds of sundown."

You could barely see him from behind a huge mess of streamers as he made an elaborate bow, seemingly completely ignoring the huge clutter that has become of your neatly cleaned hallway by now. The same couldn't be said for Saeran, though. You could hear him give an exasperated sigh, slightly tightening his hold on your waste in a protective manner.

He clicked his tongue, before giving a snarky response to his brother's ridiculous display. "I hope you do realize that you're going to be the one cleaning all of this up, Hyung. By yourself, mind you. Without any of your inventions. Right, my love? He did say he is all at your service for today... Might as well put him to something useful for once."

"Wait, wait, wait, that's cheating! I don't take orders from my adorable brother, I take orders from my adorable sibling in law! It's a huge difference!" You couldn't help but laugh as Saeyoung scrambled to make up an excuse to get himself out of trouble, his eyes widening at pure terror at the prospect of being forced to the one thing he hated the most. Too bad for him, you and Saeran were a team from the very beginning, and there was nothing he could do about this one simple fact.

"Hmm... I don't think I get it, Hyung. Our hearts are one. I know exactly what they're thinking, and they know exactly what I'm thinking. So, I'm afraid, I simply relayed to you what their heart truly desired." Your boyfriend stated so nonchalantly with an innocent tilt of his head, it was almost impossible to distinguish whether he was joking or not.

Well, you were quick to catch the drift, simply nodding in agreement as he continued tormenting his twin. This was just too funny not to play along to. "Sorry, Saeyoung... I'm afraid he's right. And, since it's my birthday... I think the best gift for me would be to see you do some cleaning!"

And, as you watched two brothers continuing their playful squabble between themselves, you couldn't help but smile, appreciating this moment of lightheartedness as best you could. You are all now free to live your lives, nothing to be afraid of no more, except for occasional domestic troubles. This was all you could have wished for and more. You couldn't wait to spend the rest of your day by Saeran's and Saeyoung's side, by your precious family's side.

And you couldn't wait to see what your birthday has in store for you.

[asterjennifer]

My other half

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: SE Saeran x Reader

Category: Angst & Fluff

Warnings: Self-doubt, tension

Word count: 5189

Author's Note: Give him love.

Summary: You sit together to enjoy the night around you.

Saeran can't help his fears anymore and confronts you.

He needs to know if you have feelings for his brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Areyouinlovewithmybrother–"

The bewildered gaze you showed didn't surprise him in the slightest, on the contrary, Saeran didn't understand himself either when busting the words out without breathing air in between. His eyes were glued to the ground in front of his feet, every inch of his face burned in bright red. A color that harmonized so well with his hair, however, he detested the fact you must've been able to see it under the warm light of the street lamp.

At first his heart found peace after having you agree to take a nightly walk by his side, it's often a second therapy to him as the empty streets and beautiful stars shining alongside the bright moon offered a certain kind of protection. But he prefered your company twice as much. And when combining these things that he adored with all his heart, for once his restless soul found calm. It's a warm summer night, no need for a jacket or sweatshirts, yet he wore the cream colored shirt that had been a gift of his brother.

Saeyoung.. Saeran thought about his brother a lot, not only because they're living together in that underground bunker he declared his home. It's about everything regarding their past, presence and future that Saeran broke his head over. The memories which left him with both, a broken heart and a sparkle of hope. The future, wondering if their bond will ever bloom the way it used to again, asking himself for how long they're living together. And the presence, now that Saeran could take a look with ease.

Surely there's an endless list on thoughts when it came to the person that shared his face, but this one particular question nagging at the back of his head's overweighting these days. Was Saeyoung your type? Of course, you're both flamming with your friendship since you went through hell when being beside each other. Otherwise you wouldn't have agreed to move into the bunker for some time, it's been Saeyoung's request.

Although it shouldn't bother Saeran, he couldn't help noticing that with each passing day, he found his brother's and your friendship out of ordinary. You're a polite young woman with a pretty face, it's no shocker everyone around you enjoyed the conversations you shared. The RFA's the best example. Despite it all though, you and Saeyoung always felt different to the one with mint colored eyes. More intimate, if he dared to think. You and Saeyoung shared a bond beyond his understanding, there's a deeper connection shared Saeran couldn't identify.

And it plagued him. He's aware, he's the last person that deserved to think this way, he didn't do any good for neither you nor his brother in the past. Still, there's this kindness about you that Saeran's allowed to explore. Your show of affection's obvious, it's the most open way of communication he'd ever seen. The touch of yours considerate and thoughtful, your voice soft with a slight touch of maturity. The words that you bring across easily, as if an angel spoke to him.

Saeran knew he didn't have the right to see you as anything other than his friend, he tried to repress these imaginations for the sake of your friendship. You're the first person he managed to show his heart to, tell some of his insecurities and fears. It's your number he delayed late at night after waking up from a really bad nightmare. You're there whenever he needed stability, or simply asked for comapy. And you never said no to him, not once you pushed him away because he's complicated. You treated him with care. But that affection of yours probably ended up to be the reason for the butterflies inside.

It's an wasted emotion, Saeran's more than well acquainted with the feelings inside his body. The suffocating fear deep down in his stomach. Why your voice caused his heart to skip a beat. How your embrace chased away his demons to replace it with pure light. He knew why he's excited whenever you're spending time with him, why he enjoyed your touch instead of feeling threatened. There's no denying anymore, Saeran realized soon afterwards that he fell for you. The acknowledgment hurt more than any bottle of exlir, to accept what he's feeling quite impossible. Especially after what he'd done to you and your loved ones.

But Saeran's weak. Always had been, always will be. That's never going to change, regardless how well he could handle his past or grow from the trauma. Therefore, he couldn't ignore these things any further, he'd tried for a while. Sadly it's only doing more damage. The jealousy crept up his throat whenever you're laughing with his brother, the way you both seemed to work so flawlessly made him hate himself all over again. Because Saeyoung always got the things Saeran wanted, it's like a curse. The main reason as to why he's so afraid to ask.

So when taking a walk with just you and him, the nervousness didn't leave him to inhale the fresh air like it's usually the case. He wanted to treasure every second you're willing to spend with him, but these doubts and self loathing thoughts didn't let go of his head. He's ashamed for doing this to you, even without your knowledge. Saeran's embarrassed for the love that you're igniting and the following consequences it brought. Such as envy towards his brother and possessiveness whenever the RFA's around. Or the times where he imagined your lips on his underneath the blue sky.

Saeran should've kept his mouth shut after you decided to sit down onto a bench and watch the stars for a bit. There's so much that's able to turn into disaster, it would never work out regardless how much me prayed or decided to hope. He never got his wishes fulfilled, this wasn't an exception. It's selfish, he could be lucky for you to accept him the way you did and the help you offered. It's more than he could dream of, he didn't have the right to want more. But the words left him and now you waited for him to repeat them.

At first he'd been thinking about confessing despite the justified rejection you would give him. Saeran figured it's only fair to speak the truth, you're honest with him all the time. He couldn't act arrogant, if you're liking him enough to be truthful with him, he's required copy the courage. Yet the more he thought about dumping out his feelings, the more scared he got. So instead his brain worked against his decision to ask the one question haunting his nights away. Are you in love with Saeyoung?

"I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your words. Can you say it again?"

He wanted to sink untill he's one with the dirt on the ground. Maybe he could take the chance and ask something nonsensical, just get away from the grave he almost buried for himself. What if you say yes? What when you're going to admit you loved Saeyoung? What should he do, then? It wouldn't change anything, if not making the pain pounding inside his heart worse. Saeran pressed his fingernails into his palms, leaving red marks while pressing his fists down onto his lap.

He could've avoided being confronted with the truth and the unrequited love confession it secretly spoke. Reminding him of his place, teaching him a lesson for having the audacity. He could have, yet he inhaled deeply to say the words slower once more. It's a loss, it's nothing but blunt reassurance that he's never good enough for anything. But there's still hope clinging onto his shoulders. If you didn't love his brother, he might had a chance after all. Somehow. Someday, in some way. Saeran sighed heavily.

"Do.. Do you.."

Why's it so hard? He's already resigned to knowing the answer, what in the world narrowed his throat now? It's not even him spilling the secret of his heart beating for you, it's just a simple question. Nothing to think about, some causal thought that could pass by at day. It wouldn't come across as weird, considering Saeran lived with you both. It would seem like curiosity, if anything. So why. Why did he feel as if he's going to fall apart any second? Before you could've wondered out loud, he frowned deeply.

"Do you have feelings for Saeyoung..?"

He despised the cracks in his voice after placing the question in the air. He hated that the blush reached his ears due to shame, for both digging into your private life and for being desperate enough to corner you. He's disgusting, Saeran couldn't believe he behaved the way a dumb toddler would. This was a nightmare, he wished to take a walk in order to calm down. Now he managed the exact opposite. Doing everything to avoid your stare, he turned his head away completely. There's no guarantee he wouldn't start tearing up when watching you nod.

Not once in his life he had to deal with such emotions. There's a lot he went through and survived in his past, many different aspects of life that taught him how to hide or defend himself in case things got dangerous. This was new, though. He had no clue how to prepare himself, nor what to do once you're going to figure out what exactly's going on with him. Saeran's clueless as to how protect his heart from pain when it came to romantic love. And it's truly terrifying, it forced his body to tremble with fear. He felt helpless.

You shifted, he could hear it. No matter what you decided to say or do, he couldn't look back. He's certain it's going to cause him another panic attack to the point where he's unable to breath. Why are you taking so long? Where you thinking about your words? Maybe to speak them through the flower in order to not hurt him as much when telling him how the odd charm of his brother wrapped you around his finger? With each passing second, Saeran became more and more unsettled.

"Why do you ask?"

His eyes widened, that's not the response he expected. No.. Why did you want to know? You didn't say no, did that imply you're feeling these things for Saeyoung? The feelings he hid away from you? On the other hand you didn't say yes, yet, either. Saeran tried to swallow the bitter taste on his tongue, the attempt ended in vain. Couldn't you just answer? What's suddenly making you curious enough to find out the reason behind his question? What could he possibly say without blowing his cover? So much circled around his head, he feared to suffer a blackout.

One thing he's sure of, Saeran's forced to give you explanation to some degree before you're telling him. He needed a good reason, preferably quickly before you're picking up at the tension that's killing him from the inside. That cut the air and had his chest tighten. What to say? Maybe if he pointed out you're both touchy he could play it off as annoyance. Or if he said that you're both appearing that way to the rest of the RFA, the question wouldn't come from him at all. Saeran licked over his dry lips, voice still too unstable.

"You.. both make t-that impression to everyone.. So I was.. I was wondering."

Not the best excuse he could've come up with, but the only that's plausible. It's acceptable if it's not just him thinking that way, surely nobody would want their entire friend group to think lies or speculate about potential relationships. Hopefully that's satisfying enough for you to give him an answer now, Saeran's uncertain how much of the tension he could continue to bear. Then there's a lightheaded giggle to witness, freezing his blood despite the wamrth of the summer. He somehow didn't like that reaction.

"Really? I didn't know they thought that. Well, suppose it makes sense given our humor."

That's not an answer, you didn't say yes or no. Saeran's reaching his limits, what else could he try to make you confess? Was there really no option left other than pouring out his heart to you? How should he find the strength to get over you and move on without getting a clear set of boundaries? Just why.. Hot water pricked at the conrers of his eyes, he felt so pathetic it's actually concerning. This wasn't going how he thought, then again, nothing ever worked the way he wanted.

"Y-Yeah.. your humor is– it's.. definitely similar."

What am I saying?! His voice's at the edge of breaking apart, it's so clearly to hear it would've been a wonder if you didn't notice. He's just making the biggest fool in history out of himself, this was ridiculous. Anger began to bubble under his skin, frustration rushed through his veins. This was stupid. He's making a big fuss out of your words for literally nothing. The way he felt's a lost show of affection already, he didn't need any confirmation to realize that. Why was he pushing it, then? Nothing made sense, this was a waste of time.

Saeran's jaw's clenched, he couldn't speak rubbish any further even if he wanted. He shouldn't have brought you out tonight. Unsure how to continue, he stood up before brushing his pants free from the cold. The best's to bring you back without another word, that way he couldn't embarrass himself and get you back into the house, close to Saeyoung. You probably preferred his company more anyways. No, not probably. Of course you did, Saeran's brother's a good person. Just like you. It's only natural you had more fun with him.

"Saeran, I don't know why you ask that, but I can't help feeling that.. is it personal, perhaps?"

You found it out. Personal.. There's no way you didn't get the hang of his thoughts, apparently that's enough to send him into motion and take steps back to the house. Saeran's heart's beating so hard, he felt like it's going to jump out his chest and land in front of your feet. It's personal, you'd figured, since he's always selfish enough to keep his own needs and wishes in the spotlight, although he's far from being worthy. Saeran had to hide away in his room, otherwise he'd lose the remaining composure and start crying like a goddamn baby.

It startled him to death once the wamrth of your hand came in contact with his wrist, getting an hold of him without a way to escape. He couldn't tear away from you, it would make everything unnecessarily difficult to explain in the future. So he stiffened, incapable of looking back as you stood up. That's it, the fear caused his stomach to spin like a carousel. You're aware of his feelings towards you, you knew why he asked the question in the first place. And now you're either going to reject him, or even worse, tell him to leave you alone because of how uncomfortable that's making you.

He wouldn't blame that decision, if you decided to move out and never come near him again, he's the last to judge. After what he'd done to everyone, it's only fair. That's his karma, Saeran sympathized with the agony. You deserved so much better after all, someone like his brother. There's a string in his chest as he noticed your touch, which usually helped him relax, now hurt as if someone's sticking needles through his skin. He just wanted to run away, bath in the corner of shame for all entirety.

"Sae? What's wrong?"

God. That nickname didn't make it easier, he's the only one you called that. While you're addressing his brother by his old one, Seven, for him you used a brand new one. It's still his name, yet there's a sweet touch of individuality in the way you called him by that. What was he supposed to do? Nothing's saving the ruined night, especially not as he began to get unnerved to the point where he's tempted to spit out what's bothering him. It's tearing him apart, that you didn't specifically denied the question, nor that you offered enlightenment.

"Sa–"

"Can't you just tell me!?"

A startled yelp fell over your lips, his desperate tone of voice a minor matter since Saeran's patience snapped. He turned back around, grabbing both your shoulders with a firm grip as he eyed your face. Why did you not say anything regarding his brother? Were you embarrassed to talk to him about this? Did it feel impossible to be honest with him once the topic's Saeyoung? What's making you hesitate? Saeran shook his head, mouth open without a sound coming out. When in his meaningless life would he stop hurting?

The shocked facial expression's breaking his heart into pieces, that's just another aspect he's not good enough for. His often unpredictable outbursts pained others, they made things harder without reason. All for the simple fact that Saeran couldn't keep himself together, which he should've with his goddamn twenty-six years of experience. However, there he stood, holding you tightly until it must've been painful. The hot tears mocked him for the countless time. This was a nightmare, his entire existence's a mistake.

"Why are you dodging my question..? Are you doing it on purpose? Why?"

The shock on your side suddenly seemed replaced with empathy, the glitter inside your eyes shining bright thanks to the street lamp's somehow speaking a language Saeran's not able to read. I'm so sorry.. He bit down his lower lip, preventing with all willpower to keep on making you uncomfortable. He's truly sorry for everything that's taking place, yet he's not in the position to turn back time and redo this. It's painful. He's ashamed to the bone. You had to know, more than ever before, so what's your justification to leave him in the dark?

"I... I'm sorry."

Nothing but a whisper, genuine and therefore filled with agony. He's more than just sorry for all the times you bared his incompetence, the deeds sticking to his hands you're aware of. There's no hope, he's messed up. No way a bright shining star like yourself would ever find him precious, regardless how much he changed. I'm so fucking disgusting. Saeran slowly reduced the strength around your shoulders, eyes filled with pathetic tears. Enough. His subconscious hissed, scolding at him that he's only stepping over your private limits. He let go completely, then.

"Let's just.. go back. I'm sorry."

With freezing hands, he took distance from you. One step, a second one before turning around to leave again. Congratulations. The demons awakening from their slumber sneered at him. You ruined the only healthy relationship you have. They made fun of him, clearly finding pleasure in his misery. You lost the one good thing in your life. It hurt in a different way. For how long? He's unsure, but frankly, he didn't want to know. Saeran wanted to stop thinking for once.

For a second time that night, your hand searched his shape. Now it's holding his sleeve in place, he really begged some wonder took place. Like an heart attack, that way he's able to flee and leave the tension behind. She's going to laugh at you.. They snickered sarcastically, forcing him to clench his fist to painful major. She will laugh into your face and tell you she never wants to see you again. Surely that's a possibility after the scene he caused. He wouldn't blame you for such a reaction, the opposite if anything, he would deserve it.

"I didn't mean to dodge your question. I was just wondering.. But if you want to know, then no. I don't love Saeyoung. He's my best friend."

Oh.. Somehow it managed for his chest to untangle the threads and breath through. That's at least something, although he would've bet on ice cream you're both attracted to each other. It's written in your every interaction. Then again, Saeran's uneducated in reading people and their relationships. He might misread everything, not sure if that's making it better or even more embarrassing. Well, guess that's good. Saeran nodded, still not brave enough to turn back and face you. That's all the satisfaction he'd been seeking, now he could start collecting his thoughts.

"Can you tell me why that's on your mind? I don't want to make assumptions, it's not fair towards you."

Given he's freed from some of the agony, he figured lying wouldn't work forever. He could find an lame excuse right now. Then what? In the future it's going to bite his back, rise to the surface and reveal the truth. He's aware feelings like these always find their way out, regardless how careful he's approaching it. He'd seen and read enough in his life to know, it's undeniable nothing's kept as secret. Because one day these emotions would betray him, become so intense he would lash out in a way he didn't want to imagine.

The other option's not prideful, it's far from the perfect moment. You're supposed to have some kind of beautiful date, a great sunny day where happiness's the main focus. A Confession's supposed to be romantic, right? This wasn't going to become cheesy or whatever's happening in these unrealistic movies. Saeran took your hand in his, warm in temperature contrast. So soft, addicting to hold and tempting him to never let go. This was unrequited, he's alone on this sea of helplessness. Yet he knew. He owed you an explanation, more than anyone else. Although it burned his nerves, he found his words.

"I've fallen in love with you. That's why.."

Awkward, both the tone of his abused voice and the silence that followed. I said it– The sudden outburst of his heart took him by surprise, the adrenaline shoot back through every inch of his body. But he felt liberated, it actually brought the dark imaginations to an hold. So what, you could reject him. As long as you're staying by his side, he'll be fine. He could handle this, it's nothing in comparison to his past. Just some moments of his heart contracting, nothing he couldn't overcome. Tell him you keep supporting his decision and let him take part in your life and he's okay.

Saeran's breath caught in his throat after you pulled him back, losing balance in the process and have him stumble down onto the bench. He didn't have much space to ask himself what's happening since his vision turned from the rapid shift, but before he knew, you squeezed both hands against his cheeks. Ah.. How embarrassing, hadn't he made a fool of himself enough tonight? The determination that's steaming from your aura, your eyes fixed on him like he's some math exam got him fidgeting with his brown sweater. Saeran's fear of you hating him ate away his soul.

"You love me..?"

You sounded so out of breath, he's taken aback hardly. Why did it surprise you so much? Wasn't it obvious? Saeran might be good at hiding his emotions, on the other hand he's just a mess whenever you're around. It showed the occasions where he forgot to pay attention, Saeran couldn't even count how often he let the blush take the best of him. Was he so talented at hiding it away? Or did you never questioned these reactions? It's not your intension, he's certain. Yet he felt a bit violated by your shock, that's the last reaction on the list he suspected. Saeran avoided eye contact when nodding his head.

"I— Oh my god.. I never thought you like me that much! How am I that special to you.."

Were you serious? Why you're special to him? That's such a stupid declaration he couldn't stop himself from wheezing. Saeran might as well take paper and pen to start write down the reasons that made you special, he's never going to finish that list within the next twenty-four hours. Unable to speak these thoughts, he instead placed his hands over yours. So delicate, so small. So adorable. There's not much peeking his passion, you're definitely an exception in all existing matters. The red color running down his shoulders spoke walls for that. Saeran felt the corners of his lips pull upward.

"You.. You're..."

While he stared into your face, finally having back the confidence he usually lacked, he couldn't help but notice the sweet rush of color that filled your cheeks. Similar to his own. Your lips so soft looking and your eyes sparkling in a way a wildfire would be jealous. So beautiful. The most beautiful thing he's ever seen, inside and out. There weren't words to describe how perfect you were. Saeran thought less and less the more he watched your face being across his. The dreamy emotions must've shown, he could feel the silly smile that's crawling over his lips.

"You're perfect (N). I mean it.."

It's true, Saeran meant the words as they came from the bottom of his heart. You lost some shock inside your features, soon replaced by a calm albeit serious gaze that reminded him your hands were on his face for quite a while. He didn't expect you to lean down, he malfunctioned once the sent of yours rose into his nose. Comfortable and familiar. The moment you placed your lips against his, that poor heart behind his ribcage stopped beating. She's.. kissing me.. Saeran's aware he should've retuned the gesture, sadly all his muscles were kept in place. Everything's moving in slow motion.

You're soft, desirable even as you moved your lips carefully against his. Nothing extravagant, he's sure that the kiss's the most innocent gift he ever got. He could see your eyes close, a little sigh dying between the nonexistent space, like you're relieved. Like you waited for this to happen. Right when he thought he's capable to process what you'd done, you're pulling away. Tears held his vision blurry, due to him not blinking and maybe the realization that you shared some of that affection he longed for so long. Out of reflex, he lifted his hand to hide away his lips. They tingled. All of him did, actually. He never felt like that before, it's confusing.

"If I would've known sooner.. I would've kissed you a while ago."

"W-What..? Wh–"

You interrupted his stuttering with another kiss, pressure used and therefore a tad more urgent. Saeran's certain he died, otherwise he couldn't explain what's happening. Maybe he's dreaming and would wake up to the nosie of his brother's whinging soon. The thought narrowed his throat, his hands reached out to get a grip on your shirt. This time, more prepared physically, he closed his eyes as well. It's better than he could've ever imagined. You're sweet, he swore there's a hint of strawberry on your lips. This was to good to be true. Perhaps you're believing in a different meaning when it came to kissing. You pulled away once again.

"Thank you for telling me, Sae.. I love you too. And I'm so, so happy you told me."

How? How's that possible? Saeran's fingertips burned like a thousand fires. Could this be reality, one where he's actually allowed something of his own? Did you really, you from all people on this earth, felt the same towards him? You deserved better and there's guilt spreading on his tongue. To his luck, the happiness exploding in his heart's much bigger, so big he almost choked on the feeling. You chucked lightheaded by the look on his face, he couldn't phantom the chaos that's running in milliseconds over his eyes. You loved him? You? It's too much to take, let alone comprehend.

But there you stood, beaming with the widest smile he'd ever seen on you. Breathtaking, really. Your fingers ran up into his chaotic hair, going through the red strands with both strength and care. It felt safe, giving him the chance to let out the sigh he didn't know he held back. He prepared for every kind of pain after asking the question, instead he got rewarded with nothing but bliss. You continued the silent caressing a moment longer, watching his shoulders relax into the touch. Were you calming him? Whatever the reason was, he never wanted you to stop.

"It's fine, I know it's– a lot. No stress, we can.. we take it easy and slow."

You assured with an amused whisper, lingering inside his ears like a prayer. Of course.. You would consider his wellbeing, since he's still hard on both himself and the people around him. Doubts and regrets took away lots of playground, they poisoned his head at night and humiliated him at daytime. Something as intense as a romantic relationship would certainly drain the both of you, there's no denying that fact. Yet you appeared so willing to give it a try. To give him a chance. And Saeran truly never felt more seen before, what had he done to deserve an angel like you.

"Oh.. okay."

All over the place, he nodded to himself. He's never going to fall asleep tonight, not with these endless thoughts. You took his hand to stand back up, for a short second he feared to lose balance by how fast his head's working. She's in love with me.. Saeran repeated it like a mantra, echoing back in a way it's almost to hard to manage. You took the lead, walking slowly while holding his hand. His eyes glued to your hands twisted, no other words followered. Partly because it's too much for his heart, he needed some time to analyze this entire night.

Also for the fact that millions of questions flapped around his brain, close to knock him over from the intensity. Why were you in love with him? Since when did you feel that way? How come you didn't tell him first? What made you acknowledge him as more than just some damaged roommate? Too many things laying, burning on his tongue. Saeran's aware, however, that you wouldn't run away. He could ask another time, once he's not at the edge of sanity. Instead he focused on his hand still tight in yours. Giving the love he felt a pass to make him feel wanted from inside. You're the one responsible for that massive change in his life.

And for once, he's thankful. Grateful. He could never give back what you offered without expecting anything in return. You're an honest person, someone with a good soul and clean hands. You had humor, charisma that's shining brighter than the sun. A beautiful young Lady that he's head over heels for. Saeran hadn't seen himself like this before, it's new. A bit nerve-wracking, if he admitted. But open to explore, now that you're not just an unreachable dream anymore. You're really here, with him. Walking beside him. Holding his hand. Accepting his feelings. Loving him. The smile on his lips returned, he's fulfilled like never before.

[brighteststar707]

Hello Faye! I always squeal when I see you post prompt requests, you write the most delightful little vignettes 🥰 Could I request Sundress, with SE Saeran? 🌸☀️

Hi Lux! Thank you so much for the kind words! I loved this combination, it was super fun to write! I hope you enjoy <333

Requests are still open!

#12: Sundress

The sunlight filtering through the trees creates funny dappled patterns on Saeran’s face. He looks up at you from his sketchbook, pencil paused in mid-air. He’s waiting for you to settle back down next to him. You look at him like this for a second longer, his hair shines an even brighter shade of red on the spots where the sun hits it, and then sink back into the grass.

That morning, you had woken up to the first signs of a proper spring day. The sun was finally out and the weather was warm. Of course, it was the perfect opportunity to spend the day out in the park. After a bitterly cold winter stuck inside, you were both aching to get outside.

You decided to make a day of it, packing blankets and snacks. Hand in hand, you spend the morning walking around aimlessly, enjoying the warmth and admiring all the flowers that had sprung up. By midday, the crowds of families had grown and you found a quiet place to shelter from the afternoon sun. Just a few meters from the edge of a pond, there was a big tree with enough room for you both to sit. The branches of the tree hung low, almost sheltering you from the world outside.

As soon as you're seated back down, you lean over to see how the sketch turned out.

"Impatient, are we?" He asks, and you can hear the amusement in his voice. You know him too well, he's just as impatient as you are.

You're too preoccupied to answer. The page is filled with figure sketches, all of you. You sitting, legs tucked underneath you with the strap of your dress just slipping off your shoulder. Another of you standing, back facing him, your skirt rippling around your thighs. They're quick sketches, something to keep his hands and mind busy, but you love them all the same.

The dress itself was one you had impulsively bought at the end of a particularly warm September, but had never gotten the chance to wear. It was made of a light fabric, the kind of yellow that made you feel warm just by looking at it. It had thin straps and a flowy skirt that fell to your mid-thigh. You were waiting for a day just like this one to finally wear it out. Saeran clearly also liked it, judging by his mischievous smile when he first saw you in it this morning.

Since he had picked up art as a hobby, he never missed an opportunity to draw you, immortalize you in whatever state you were in at that moment. In many ways, that sketchbook of his was a like a diary, documenting everywhere you had been in the past year.

You loved the way your skin prickled as his eyes studied you, each time like the first. You still had goosebumps as you leaned back against him, satisfied. He must have noticed as he slung his arm over your shoulders.

"Are you cold?" Though surely he already knows it's not. Your skin is still warm to the touch from the sun. It's midafternoon and still pleasantly warm outside.

"No, I just... like the drawings, that's all."

He grins, clearly loving the effect he still has on you, even after all this time. He starts tracing lines across your skin, looking at your face to gauge your reaction. With his index finger, he starts at the spot where your jaw meets your neck and gently moves down to trace your collarbone. He draws shapes across your shoulders and arms. Sure enough, you shiver imperceptibly.

He laughs and the shadows of leaves dance over his face.

[amysteriousmessenger]

pLEASE do a first kiss with SE Saeran headcanons 👉👈

I think this might be the first thing I’ve written for SE Saeran on here aside from the vampire drabbles, I hope it’s okay!! <3 

First kiss with SE Saeran Choi Headcanons

It was going to take time. A lot of it. Saeran had been through too much, had too much to process, and far too much on his mind, to begin stepping into romantic territory like that. It would take him a while to even realise that he wanted to kiss you, let alone how he was supposed to go about making it happen. There was no way that he was going to ask his idiot brother for help, so the kiss really would be a long time coming.

And even then, he’d act like he didn’t want to and would probably start avoiding you for a while because of it. After all, what good would it do you to get involved with someone like him? He was far too damaged for that and he didn’t want to pull you even further down with him. 

Saeran was pretty low energy at the best of times, so you’d usually just sit on the couch while he was watching a movie or some TV with his therapy cat and snacks. The cat loved everyone in the house, but you could tell that he was Saeran’s cat and the cat reminded him to take his medication because it was his feeding time, so it was like a fuzzy little alarm. Saeran liked that you treated his cat well, and didn’t mind that you sneaked him a few extra treats. He didn’t trust anyone that his cat didn’t approve of, so it meant a lot to him that the cat was comfortable enough to sit in your lap when he wasn’t around.

You’d sat down on the sofa with him, and his first instinct was to get up and leave because he didn’t know what to do about the fact he wanted to kiss you. He’d be thinking about it while sitting on the sofa next to you, wondering how he used to have so much confidence in himself when he had first yet you as Unknown. 

Saeran had been slowly, very slowly getting better at physical contact and having people around: sometimes touching your arm or moving a piece of hair out of your face. It’s few and far between, partially because he doesn’t feel like he trusts himself with it. He still flinches when people move too quickly around him, but you didn’t blame him for that, so you’d always let him go at his own pace and touch you if he wanted to. It was okay, you were happy enough to just sit in his company and spend time with him above all else.

He’d look rather tense during the movie and wouldn’t tell you what was wrong after you’d asked. You weren’t one to push him for conversation if he wasn’t in the mood, but a few minutes later, you felt his head lean on your shoulder without him saying a word. It was barely there, just the slightly weight being added to you, but your heart was racing. You knew what a big step it was for Saeran and you were so proud of him for it. You tried to glance at him out of the corner of your eye, the fluffy strands of red covering your gaze. ‘_____... Stop looking at me.’

Oh shit, he could sense it. You’d almost forgotten that Saeran had really sharp senses as you pulled your eyes back to the screen, hoping that you hadn’t ruined the trusting atmosphere. A few more moments passed, but Saeran didn’t move his head away, so you felt as though you could breathe again. 

‘...hey’ He started, ‘you can have one of these pocky...if you want.’ He offered you the box, thanking him as you took one. Food was very precious to Saeran, and he didn’t even share it with Saeyoung, so you told him that you were very grateful for the snack. You offered him some of your own snack, which he took.

It was as the two of you were eating the exchanged snacks that you felt Saeran staring at you, before a sleeved hand came up and grabbed your face, for just a moment.

It wasn’t a long kiss, just a short pressing of his lips against yours. There was barely more than a second to it, but it was most definitely a kiss. It couldn’t have been misinterpreted as anything else, Saeran had very intentionally kissed you. 

As quickly as it had happened, he was once again watching the movie with his snacks. You tried your very best not to be visibly flustered, so you just made a small show to indicate that you were very happy about the kiss, if only to put his already busy mind at ease. 

He didn’t say anything else about it afterwards, and you could see he was a little embarrassed and probably a little bit conflicted, so you didn’t want to push him with it either. You held your hand out on the sofa, upturned between the two of you, so he had the option to take it if he wanted to. Slowly, he did.

[bloodpacks-archive]

MCS OF THE RFA (+V AND SAERAN) WARDROBE HEADCANONS

first up is zen’s mc - unless she’s going to see one of his shows, it’s pretty likely that she’s wearing comfortable sweats/joggers and other simple clothing. she does have a habit of stealing his leather jacket, though, but he hardly cares. he’s asked if she wants one of her own multiple times, but she just shakes her head and says she prefers his. but like i said, a lot of her stuff is made for comfort. this is especially good for when she’s lounging around the house reading lines back to him with a cup of coffee in one hand and the script in another. zen happens to love the comfy clothes—mainly because it means she’s always really soft when he comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist or over her shoulders. it’s pretty common to have her hair up and out of the way while she works on her emails, but that’s not to say she doesn’t know how to dress up when she needs to.

next is yoosung’s mc - yoosung tends to be pretty out there with his clothing, and his mc is no different. really, the only difference between them is that hers is completely intentional. she loves bright colors and anything that makes her feel entirely like a kid again (y’know, one that doesn’t have a million and one responsibilities?) when they’re walking together, it’s a lot of colors, but they’ve both got these big smiles on their faces too, so they really just seem to make a room a little brighter wherever they go. sometimes she’ll steal clothes from his closet, but he never minds. in fact, he almost encourages it. sometimes he’ll leave out sweatshirts that he thinks she’d look good in on his bed and hope she’ll notice and throw it on. she almost always does, and he gets a little too excited when he notices it missing after she leaves.

jaehee’s mc - she’s like a relaxed jaehee. maybe a little more street wear sometimes, but definitely knows how to keep it professional and look good even while casual. together, they look like a cup of coffee. they are almost always wearing similar color schemes, and honestly, there’s a lot of clothes stealing going on here. eventually, they just end up merging their closet into one (with jaehee’s business wear in a space of it’s own) because let’s be honest—there really is no separation. jaehee wants to be more casual? guess she’s still stealing the mc’s clothes. another fun note, they are always the best dressed at zen’s shows. people can definitely tell that they know someone in the cast just by how they look, so it’s no surprise when they go and talk to zen after his show’s over with a little bouquet to give him.

god we love jumin’s mc - you couldn’t tell by looking at her, but a lot of her stuff is designer. not that she asks, of course, it’s just that jumin will come home with a sweater he thought she’d like and it ended up being 300 dollars. she walks into C&R and, if you didn’t know her face already, it’s now very obvious to you that she’s jumin han’s fiancé. she starts to carry herself similar to the way jumin does—chin held high and a scarily powerful walk—but she always stops to say hello to the workers she knows with a kind smile. jumin loves when she wears her engagement ring and he has a habit of playing with it whenever he holds her hand. there’s also very little clothes stealing here, going to be 100% real. at most, she steals one of his dress shirts that were.... discarded on the floor the night before so she can go make breakfast. but jumin loves it that way. she looks great in everything she wears, and seeing her in his shirt is a fun treat for him.

mmmm saeyoung’s mc - i think saeyoung’s mc is the most.... derivative out of all of them. she wears clothes that she’s had for years even though both she and saeyoung can afford much better, but she likes the boots that she’s worn in for years bc they’re the one’s she’s always had. she doesn’t not care about how she looks, but she definitely likes that she looks a little worn down and like she could get things done if she needed to. saeyoung personally loves the look. he likes that she looks a little hardened and that her makeup is sometimes a little messy. it means so much more to him then when she’s careful with him and wraps her arms around him like it’s all she’s ever known. but all of this isn’t to say that she doesn’t sometimes end up in bed all day wearing something comfortable. most of the time, the comfortable sweatshirt is saeyoung’s, and she probably slept in it the night before. it’s pretty likely that he’ll walk into their bedroom at 5AM and find her passed out in his sweatshirt, the light from her laptop with an email open shining on her face. it’s not a sight that he likes to see—he wishes she’d go to bed at a reasonable time and not follow his actions—but he’s always happy to crawl into bed after her and close her laptop for her.

look at jihyun’s mc <3 - lots of loose, breathy clothing. so much of it. things that are easy to move in are really big for her. she also really likes to just be able to slip something on in the morning and feel put together, but not like she’s confined by her clothing. jihyun happens to love it. he thinks the shirts she wears look really good in pictures, actually. he makes her walk into a body of water one time while taking pictures of her while she’s wearing the first outfit, and even though she’s a little angry at him for getting her completely drenched, he’s right that the pictures do look good. she also just looks. very good at his art exhibitions. people will come up to her and comment on how she looks just like the girl in the painting, and she’ll laugh, shaking her head to tell them it’s only a coincidence. when they’re gone, she’ll throw a wink his way and jihyun will wish to melt into the wooden floors and take her with him. he also just really enjoys how open her clothes tend to be. it’s a stupid thing, but he likes being able to see her skin. it’s his own little way of knowing that she’s okay.

lastly, we have SE saeran’s mc - i think both of them might tend to be a little quiet and reserved. she likes lots of layers and she’s careful in just about everything she does. her jewelry is really dainty and it’s silver most of the time. she maybe has small necklaces that she likes and some rings/earrings, but it’s nothing dramatic. both of them like to stay away from the center of things, anyway. saeran’s really thankful, actually, for how easily she takes in this side of him. they enjoy the quiet together, and there’s a lot of days where they’ll just read next to each other, or maybe she’ll make something sweet for him and they’ll eat whatever treat she made while speaking quietly. he really likes holding her hands, so she always leaves it near him so he can reach for it if he wishes. he almost always does, and he likes to play with her fingers while he works on other things.

this was made in collaboration with @kimjihyun ! please check out her wardrobe headcanons for the rfa themselves! :)

[saeransimp]

I forgot to send this before but how do you feel about some Little Spoon SE Saeran content?

You know the absolute direct way to my heart, Kait. I actually ended up writing this as his first time experiencing what it’s like, so there’s lots of feelings. And if you thought you were only getting fluff with this...think again :)

(1059 words)

Saeran is, by no means, a stranger to night terrors. Haunted by his demons and the trauma so deeply rooted inside his still mending heart, he’ll frequently wake up thrashing and screaming- still in a haze, he lashes out in a panic at anything in front of him that he can reach until he’s able to process reality and ground himself. 

Because of this, when he can tell that he’s going to have a rough night, he has to send you to sleep in your own room within the bunker. He despises doing this to you, and is overwhelmed with a guilt he cannot find the words to express. Saeran wants to be able to hold onto you without such an intense fear of hurting you after a nightmare- he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. He will not become that monster. He cannot become that monster. And if that means sending you away to ensure your safety, he’ll do it, even as desperately as he wishes he didn’t need to.

Oftentimes, he needs to feel your warmth afterwards. Being forced to relive those memories through his nightmares makes him sick, and the only things that can soothe him are the sounds of your heartbeat, your breathing, affirming that you’re real and that he’s not being tormented back in that hell. He doesn’t like to wake you up, despite your reassurances, so he’ll sneak in as quietly as possible and curl into your arms, head pressed against your chest as he focuses on only you in order to stabilize himself until you awaken on your own. 

Tonight...well, he didn’t know what it would be like. He was torn between wanting you to stay, as it had been days since you’d last been together with him to sleep, and asking you to go to your room just to make absolutely sure you would be protected from his destructive tendencies just in case he happened to have another night terror. 

It was late, and he had been internally debating on this for awhile. Like always, though, you seemed to be able to read him like a book, without a need for him to actually say anything. 

“Hey,” your soft voice gently pulled him from his thoughts. “I was wondering if we could try something?” It came out sounding like more of a question, as your requests usually did- you were always taking his feelings into consideration and giving him a choice in the smallest ways possible, one of the many things he had come to love you for. 

His entire life up to this point, he was never given the freedom to choose for himself, it was always other people choosing for him...he never had a say in anything, not one that mattered...but with you, he never felt forced to do anything he was uncomfortable with. He had a choice. And he trusted you to always respect his decision. It was still something he was unfamiliar with, still learning to get used to. But he cherished it.

Saeran tilted his head questioningly, then watched as you stuffed yourself under his covers and lightly patted the space in front of you as if to make sure he knew it wasn’t a command, but an open invitation if it was something he would be okay with. 

He hesitated, but ultimately couldn’t resist the hopeful look in your eyes. So, with a sigh, he got up from his seat and took his place next to you, wondering if you could tell just how tense from uncertainty that he was. 

Slowly, you reached up and brushed his bangs back from his eyes, searching them, as if to track that what you were doing was okay. When he gave a slight nod, you moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead with a smile. 

“Turn around?”

When he realized what you meant, Saeran’s features contorted in distaste. Him? Be the little spoon? Why? He didn’t voice any of these questions, but it was evident he was leaning heavily against the idea. 

“If you don’t like it I promise you can move back. I won’t be upset, okay?”

And he knew you meant it. You were never upset with him for the boundaries he had to have. 

But, still, he needed to contemplate for a few moments until he eventually relented. But he couldn’t help but click his tongue in dissatisfaction as he rolled over. 

Saeran felt your arm sliding around him, your fingers tenderly intertwining with his, then your face nuzzling against the back of his neck. He was thankful you weren’t able to see the blush that unwantedly burned at his cheeks. 

Before he could say anything, you were mumbling soothingly against his skin.

“I’ve been thinking...when you have bad nights but you still want me here with you, we can stay like this and it’s safe. If you start kicking or even hitting at what’s in front of you...I’m not there. If you need to pull yourself out, all you have to do is slide forward without any struggle to pull your own arms away from me. And when you need me, instead of sneaking into my room, I’m already right here for you to come back to when you’re ready. We can be together and keep both of each other safe.” 

He didn’t know at what point it had happened, but Saeran had melted against you, all traces of his apprehension seemingly gone. Tears were stinging his eyes, threatening to spill over. You always put so much thought and care into him down to the littlest things, and he couldn’t understand what made him so special- but god if it didn’t feel good to be.

“Plus it’s cute ‘cause it’s like I’m your little backpack!” You giggled. 

Sarean found himself smiling at that. 

“So...Are you okay staying like this?”

Your answer came with him squeezing your hand. 

He felt more than okay, even if he couldn’t voice it. Content...warm...protected...happy...loved...safe. It was overwhelming, but...in a good way. 

Saeran closed his eyes, his fears of hurting you slowly washing away as he fell asleep. 

Little did you know that it would be something he’d ask for far more often than just when he might have a bad night.

[mammonprotectionsquad]

I'm back, baby! Life is still kind of busy and stressful atm, but I really missed writing...

New posts might still take a bit, but they'll come, I promise!

On that note, I'd like to offer you a little bit of hurt/comfort with Jumin. Centered around something in the SE's that really bothered me 🙃

Also, this is very much platonic

Aaanyway! I hope you like this 💕

"Who's there for you?"

Things were... tough, at the moment. To say the least. Just when you thought things were about to get better, it felt like life decided to prove you wrong.

After years, the twins were finally reunited, but everything was still kind of messy. And just because you, partially, understood Saeyoung's decision that it was better for you to not come to the bunker while Saeran was still unstable, you didn't have to like it. 

In fact, you hated it. Because after everything you went through, after managing to get through to him and show him that he was worthy of love and happiness, it felt like he pushed you away. Again. Leaving a bitter aftertaste. 

Yes, it was to keep you safe. But that had also been his argument when he was so harsh to you back at Rika's apartment. Of course you knew how much he loved you and that he really only wanted what's best for you, to make sure you wouldn't get hurt. Though at the same time it also worried you.

When you went to the bunker to see him, he never let you inside. And if he did, it was never past the garage. Also, those meetings never lasted long enough, in your opinion. 

You wanted to help, no matter how. But your boyfriend just wouldn't let you. It was frustrating, to say the least.

There was something else that frustrated you just as much, though. Something that didn't involve you, but one of the people you grew extremely fond of in a short time; Jumin.

In all the mess that had taken place, he had lost his best friend, the one he knew ever since he was little, in such a gruesome way. Even though it had been pretty much an accident, it didn't make it less horrible. 

Yet to you it seemed like everyone liked to forget about that part. Not once have you noticed anyone even asking him how he was doing. Just because he didn't like to show his emotions to others, didn't mean he wasn't hurting. 

And bottling up your feelings was never a good way to deal with them. They'd only pile up, until they'd eventually spill over and, in the worst case, lead to a complete breakdown. 

Not to mention how much Jumin still did for everyone. He got you all out of Magenta, made sure Rika would get therapy, did everything he could to help Saeran and Saeyoung as much as he could. He took over being the head of the RFA. Jumin was the glue keeping everyone together. 

Still, it seemed like no one was willing to return the favor in any way. 

Maybe he seemed okay to the rest, but you knew that wasn't the case. 

Which was why you decided to ask him if he wanted to meet and catch up, when he had some time to spare. At the same time you suggested that you could come over to his place. Less nosy and potentially gossiping people around. Or that's what you said. 

When really you figured it was probably easier to get him to eventually open up to you when he was at a place he felt safe and comfortable at. 

A couple days after your phone call with him and one of his security guards led you to the apartment, before knocking on the door. 

"Mr. Han? Someone named Y/N from the RFA is here to see you." 

It didn't take long until he opened the door and, even though he was smiling at you while he told you to come in, you could see how tired and exhausted he looked. Something that only made you start to worry more. 

After you took your shoes off and put them neatly aside, you were approached by the white feline. You didn't hesitate at all to crouch down and as soon as you extended your hand, she immediately pressed her head into it and began to purr. 

"It's been a while, huh?", you hummed, though rather quickly your attention was back on Jumin, who already busied himself with pouring himself a glass of wine. 

Something, you noticed, that he'd indulged in far more, the past couple weeks. And something that you had quickly added to your list of things to be worried about. 

When he offered you a glass as well, you declined and sat down on the couch with him. 

"So. How have you been? I assume it's still not exactly better yet with the twins, from how things sounded in the messenger?", he began, before he took a sip of his wine. Gray eyes locked on you. "If you need help-"

"I'm fine", you were quick to cut him off. After all, you weren't there to burden him with even more problems. You were there to try and lift some off the weight off his shoulders. "Does it bother me a bit that Saeyoung is shutting me out again? Yes. Do I get why he does it? Kind of. But Jumin... How are you? You're doing everything for everyone. Always. Never asking for anything in return. But you also lost your best friend. So who's there to help you through it?"

That seemed to catch him off guard with how he suddenly froze. And it didn't seem like he would say anything anytime soon, so you decided to just go on for now. Maybe, with a little more encouragement, he would open up to you. 

"I can only imagine how difficult it is to lose someone dear to you. Someone you grew up with and who was basically always at your side. But it's never good to bottle things up, you know? Ultimately, it will only make everything so much worse." 

He stayed quiet for another moment, blankly staring down into his glass. You saw a small crease form between his brows as he frowned, seemingly a little lost in his own thoughts. 

"I'm fine. Talking about it won't change much. It's better to-"

"Jumin", you cut him off once again. Voice firm, yet gentle. And as soon as you reached out to take his hand and gave it a light squeeze, he finally looked at you again. "You're my friend and I care about you. I know you like to be efficient and push "unnecessary emotions" aside. But listen; It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be vulnerable and broken over something as horrible as what happened to V. And it's okay to show that, too. No one will judge you for it, especially not me." 

Once again he averted his gaze, eyes darting around the neat room, but not really focusing on anything. His lips pressed into a thin line. Still he didn't make a move to pull his hand from yours, which was a good start, you thought. 

"You can talk to me about everything, okay? I promise that it will stay between you and me and won't leave these walls, if it makes you feel better. But...", you stopped shortly and slowly, nearly like you were approaching a scared animal, reached out to take the wine glass from Jumin to put it aside. He didn't protest. "I'm worried about you. No one should have to carry that much alone and feel the need to mask how they truly feel. So please... Talk to me." 

You didn't care if you sounded desperate or not. All you really wanted for him was to finally talk about how he felt. Get things off his chest.

For a while, silence settled between the two of you and you waited patiently, still holding his hand to give him a physical sign of you being there for him. That he wasn't alone in all of this. 

"I-", he eventually began, but then drifted off again, his free hand carding through his dark hair. 

You kept quiet, since you knew better than to push him. You'd wait for as long as he needed to organize and voice his thoughts and emotions. Even if it would take all day. It was the least you could do after everything he'd done for you and Saeyoung. 

"I just wish V would've talked to me", he said after a couple more minutes of silence, the hurt fairly visible on his face, at that point. "If he would've just told me about what was going on, I could've helped him..." 

When Jumin took a shaky breath, you scooted closer to him, arms wrapping around his waist to pull him into a hug. You already expected him to pull away, though instead he rested his forehead on your shoulder, fingers curling into the fabric of your shirt and bunching it up in the process. 

Seeing him like that, looking so fragile and broken, made your heart break. You began to rub his back in soothing circles, a silent display of you being there for him. 

"Everything could've been prevented, if he would've just stopped keeping all those secrets, while trying to solve everything by himself. And if we would've just been there a couple minutes sooner... There's a chance he'd still be alive. I should've been faster." 

"It was not your fault, you hear me? No one could've known that things would end like that. It was a tragic accident, but it was not your fault." You began to run a hand through his hair, playing with the strands in the nape of his neck. "You did everything you could and that was so much. Without you, who knows what else would've happened. You did nothing wrong, you hear me?", you murmured. 

You both stayed quiet again, Jumin still holding on to you for what felt like dear life. And you began to lightly rock him from side to side, trying to provide as much comfort as you could. 

"I'm sorry...", Jumin's voice was barely more than a whisper, sounding a bit strained from what you assumed were unshed tears. 

"Sorry for what?" 

"For unloading those things on you like this. That is very unlike me."

Slowly he unclenched his fists, letting go of your shirt, though his hands remained on your waist and it felt like he was unwilling to move from your embrace just yet, so you kept your arms wrapped around his frame.

"None of that. I'm actually very happy that you opened up to me. And I would like to ask one thing of you; Whenever you want or need to talk, please come to me, okay? I'm always there for you, no matter what time of day it is or what you need to get off your chest. Promise." 

You untangled yourself a bit from your friend in order to hold up your pinky. But the only thing he did was look at you, then at your pinky, and back at you in confusion. 

"Why are you holding your finger out like that?" 

The question actually made you chuckle a bit. 

"So you can link your pinky with mine. It's called a "pinky promise". Breaking it is pretty much like treason. Which is why I want you to make a pinky promise with me about talking to me, alright?" 

For a second, he seemed to hesitate, but then he gave in and linked his pinky with yours, which made you smile in relief. 

"Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate what you're doing for me." 

"You don't have to thank me for it. After all, that's what friends are for. And I know you'd do the same for me. Just never forget that you're not alone with anything, okay?" 

"Okay." 

For the first time in what felt like forever, you saw that small, genuine smile of his again. 

Masterlist

If you'd like to get added to the tag list, please let me know 💕

@ayamewhump @the-purpleblushh @ultrasupernini @just-a-key @bootiful-face

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Rika is such a well written character.. I mean, she is super complex and I love love love that, of course no one should never be like "she did this wrong but.. She can do it because she has traumas!!" because your past does not justify your bad actions, just explains why you did it.. But I feel like people don't even should have the need to hate her that much (I've read people calling her a bitch and a snake-)

Anyways, I loooved the Rika story you wrote, it was so cute TT (Also, I should stop writing so much >.< sorry)

AHHH YES U GET ME!

I loved her character for deep story- and part of the behind ending.

The thing is, like I said before, cheritz of went all crazy with her characterization. Like there were in total three different versions of Rika and I feel on V’s AE they shouldn’t have like…redeemed her the way they tried.

But on paper? Damn Rika is so complex. Like she’s someone who feels like she’s worth something when she pleases others.

I like how when she’s introduced we think she’s the typical Mary Sue but then she ISNT- she helps other not because of the kindness of her heart but because she feels it will make her a good person- therefore only helping others for her benefit. She’s doing something good but with the wrong reasons- idk about y’all but I don’t know many characters who do that.

Her love with V also amases me. It’s so complicated too and it’s like…like when there’s a car crash and you just can’t help but watch. The way they both love each other is just AMAZING. Obviously it’s not good but like, once again, how many relationships have you seen on media that usually are toxic in a different way of what we usually see? Like they’re both people that are together because they want to be loved, and Rika needs to be comforted that her darkness is good.

I remember a bit about the soulmates story (like in the SE of Seven I think) and I loved it.

They did screw Rika up a bit though, and I feel if they had done the whole thing a bit different she could’ve been redeemed (after all, both Saeran and V were weren’t they? We can’t act like they’re not bad too. Like Saeran was in a high position at ME, he probably did to some believers the same thing Rika did to him by brainwashing him. And V is no good either, he still went along with what Rika said - keep in mind both agreed to the relationship and knew what they were getting into- V allowed Rika to act like that instead of giving her the proper help- and then didn’t ask for help when he needed to bc of his like martyr syndrome.)

Anyway long story short, Rika could’ve been redeemed if Cheritz remembered her actual character- like she’s a bit different in the deep route than in saerans and in V oh lord she’s completely different)

Also that still makes her insteresting. I hate what she did to everyone- yet I love and understand why- which makes me like her. She has clear motivations, it’s explained and she’s not the typical 2D villain.

Don’t worry about writing too much lol I love talking about MM stuff! It’s my favorite thing to discuss various topics about games or series and such! And thanks for the request, it was a refreshing exercise and I loved trying to write a character like her!

[marshmallowprotection]

Atp I’m just gonna be the angst anon,,

how do you think all versions of Saeran + Saeyoung will react to their feelings being unreciprocated

But I’m not talking about some little crush, i mean DOWN BAD-I’d let the world burn for you kinda feelings

Pls write the most heartbreaking shit ever,,, your characterization is so accurate 🙏🙏

Ray already has a canon depiction of what that looks like and I don't think I need to go into detail on what happens on V Route.

Suit Saeran would have no choice but to accept it. He's not going to spiral because he already assumed from the start you wouldn't like him because you kind to Ray and he's not right. He never expected you to like him so even if he likes you, it's one of those things where he didn't even bother to get his hopes up because what would be the point in getting his hopes up when there's no real reason to have any hope in a cult?

He still is going to do everything he can to get you out of that place, but he never expected to be loved. That's something that only Ray could have. Why bother getting his hopes up? There's no reason to hope for anything more than what he's already been given and that is how he sees it.

GE Saeran already came two terms with the fact that you may not ever want to see him again after his apology and promise to get you out of Mint Eye. He steeled himself to do the right thing, and to do the right thing, he had to be willing to let you go.

He had to truly respect your autonomy and take it with grace if you decided to leave. So, it might hurt, it'll hurt quite a bit if we're being honest, but all he wants at the end of the day is for you to be happy and if that's not with him, that's okay. It's a part of his acceptance process and he will take the time to take care of his emotions, but you won't have to worry about that because he's not going to put that on your plate. It's something he needs to work on.

Unknown is... well. He's apathetic to the world and if we got by what he feels canonically, you're just his eyes. He's using you to help him get the revenge he wants on his brother and Jihyun. There's a reason why he doesn't have a route, and it's because to have that with him, it would take a long time, longer than the speed-run we're given with 11 days that already cut down what would realistically be months. Even if he had feelings for you, even if he wanted to chase after you...

He's not an idiot. He knows you would choose the RFA even if he told all about the lies and deceit. Doesn't mean he wouldn't try to get you to believe him, but if you don't like him, so what? It's not he expected or wanted a happily ever after. His plan has always been revenge and then... nothing. End game. He can't see past that, and you not liking him would sting, but he's been rejected so much that he lives within numb apathy as it is.

SE Saeran, similarly to Suit Saeran, would never bother to get his hopes up. He has spent so much of his life living in a world of apathy that he doesn't try to dream of anything larger than what he already has. If the only good things he can have are ice cream and the sky, that's fine. That's more than he ever thought he would have.

It might crush his heart if you became the one person he could confide in more than anything, but why would you want somebody as broken as him romantically? He will shrug it off and deal with it just because the world beat him up so much that he's come to expect that things will always work out in his favor. It's good as long as you're happy, though. You've been a good friend.

Saeyoung would be crushed if he poured his heart out only for it to be stomped on. But, what can you do? As long as you're happy, that's all he could ever ask for. He told himself from the get-go that loving you would be impossible because of his circumstance, and if that's proven to be true, he's okay with that. He prepared himself for that pain a long time ago, and even though he won't be ready to face that pain, just know that he'll be okay in the end. You don't have to love him the way he loves you for him to be happy.

Just being able to call you his friend means the world to him. Thank you for being his friend, he'll say, but he will need some time to think and process his emotions in a healthy way... and by that, I mean he'll likely take a drive as far away as he can get for a few times until he's able to cry and let out those emotions in a safe, constructive way.

[juminsmysticmc]

RFA who‘s child gets hit by a car (Happy End)

Trigger Warnings! Mention of blood/ accidents 

Jumin

,,Don’t run off, Son!’’ you called your older son as you walked hand in hand with Jumin.

The two little boys were between the both of you while your younger girl hugged your neck in your arm, supporting her with your right arm.

You patted her back to make her fall asleep as you warned your son again.

Jumin smiled as he observed his little perfect family.

Like always, his best bodyguards behind you all so that none of his children would have to go through the hardships like him.

No kidnapper even had an opening to kidnap his children.

However, he didn’t expect someone to possibly hit his child with a car.

It all happened so fast. You asked Jumin if he could please run after his son since he didn’t seem to listen to you.

Jumin nodded and walked towards him.

You yelled one more time before your son ran across the street, running over the red lights.

And then you heard an impact and saw your son on the ground.

,,NOOO!’’ you hysterically sobbed as you sat next to the little boy on the ground.

You didn’t dare touch him, fearing you could hurt him.

There was so much blood…

The ambulance came quickly afterwards and the little boy was taken away from you, leaving you in a trance.

Just when you were allowed to go into his room and see for yourself that he was alive, you seemed to wake up, crying nonstop and taking care of him.

This was the first and last time something like that happened to Jumin Han, he swore.

Even though you often told him that it wasn’t his fault, he knew that he was partly at fault.

He simply wasn’t quickly enough.

And so Jumin ordered more bodyguards, surrounding you in a big circle and making it impossible for his children to run off.

They didn’t anyway because Jumin made sure to hold them safely.

Zen

It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon and you and your two little girls walked with their daddy around the park.

Your oldest was happily licking her ice cream as the younger one tried to eat the ice cream with a spoon.

,,It’s hard while walking, right?’’ you asked your little girl as you observed her.

,,Baby, shall I take you in my arms so you can eat?’’ Zen asked her and got a fierce nod from her.

You quickly took Zen’s ice cream and waited until he had your younger daughter in his arms.

Your head turned around to your older daughter, who was still walking with her ice cream in her hands.

,,Se-Ri~ah, wait for us please!’’ you called your ten year old.  

She turned her head and looked at you when it happened.

You screamed loudly and let the ice cream fall as you ran towards her, unfortunately being too late.

Zen could just see how his ten year old was being hit by a car.

He blinked with his eyes to check if what he saw was real, just to see her lifeless body on the floor in the next moment.

Your screams brought all of the attention to you guys as he approached you quickly.

,,LOSING BLOOD! SHE’S LOSING BLOOD!’’ you hiccuped while he tried to dial 119 with his trembling fingers.

No way he would let her die here.

The ambulance luckily came quickly and while they were there, they could also take the drunken man, who got punched in the face by Zen.

If it wasn’t for his little daughter crying at the sight of her daddy, he would have probably hit him again.

,,You’re lucky, she just fractured a few bones. Other than that she’s healthy, she will be fine soon,’’ the doctor smiled.

That’s when you found out that your daughter was a monster at healing too, just like her daddy...

Yoosung

,,Bye momma!’’ your little boy said as he walked hand in hand with Yoosung to the preschool.

You watched your two men go and closed the door as you laid back on the couch, rubbing your nine month old tummy.

You were so swollen that you almost couldn’t move around. That was why, these days, Yoosung had to take care of bringing your son to the preschool and most of the time he did a very good job.

Today, however, things were different and you at home couldn’t guess how different they became…

,,Don’t run off!’’ Yoosung laughed as his son jumped up and down.

,,DADDY, I DON’T NEED YOU TO BRING ME HERE! I CAN SEE, HYUNG!’’ his son yelled happily, meaning the older friend he found there.

Yoosung smiled and observed how he and a few little children waited for the lights to turn green.

Just when they all thought they could walk, a car speeded over the crosswalk, making everything that happened even worse.

Yoosung couldn’t yell as quickly as the car that hit his son, making him fly a few meters across the street, his body hitting the cold floor.

Yoosung and a few other mothers approached the boy who seemed to just bleed and cry.

,,Appa…’’ he cried, seemingly unable to move his head.

Yoosung’s only thoughts were to save his son. Nothing else mattered…

,,I didn’t expect a vet to be so good with this,’’ the doctors smiled as they finally arrived at the hospital.

You were sitting on the bench as the doctor told you that everything was fine.

,,He will have to recover from what happened, but he will be fine. We will send him for rehabilitation,’’ the doctor said and smiled kindly, finally allowing you to see your little super man.

,,Daddy was my hero, Momma!’’ he chuckled.

A happy ending indeed, you thought as you kissed your son.

Jaehee

You and Jaehee were walking from the store when your son began to run in front of you.

Even though both of you called him several times, he still didn’t stop.

At some point, neither you or her knew another solution, except to run behind him and take him by his hand.

And so you ran behind him.

But he, being the funny son he was, ran away from you, looking back at you and not what was happening in front of him.

Suddenly, he heard you screaming, stopped, and before he could look around himself, he felt an impact.

You and Jaehee weren’t in time to hold him. You weren’t in time to pull him towards you, Jaehee wasn’t quick enough to see the situation.

Both of you sobbed over the body as the lady who hit him tried to call for help.

Both of you were lost in tears.

You felt scared and helpless.

The ambulance came and took him right in front of the both of you while the police tried to bring you there too.

,,We tried so hard,’’ you sobbed.

,,I couldn’t get pregnant for a long time, and when I knew I was having him, I was so happy,’’ you told the silent police officer in the car.

,,And now, something like this happens. Is God angry at us?’’ you asked Jaehee who just sobbed too…

,,He did it,’’ the nurse told both of you as soon as you arrived.

Neither of you expected this news as soon as you arrived.

,,The surgery ended a few seconds ago and the paramedics did a great job. The surgeon is the best in that area. I will lead you to him,’’ she said as she smiled at the happiness in your eyes.

Saeyoung

,,Can you please not drive around here while the children are playing outside?’’ you asked your husband as you observed the children playing in the garden.

,,You know that I would never hit my children, don’t you?’’ he asked you and smiled. This smile you loved annoyed you to death right now.

You were a few months pregnant, you knew that your moods were making you feel differently about things..

You rolled your eyes as Saeyoung sat in his car again.

Saeran, his brother, sat on a bench and was enjoying his ice cream and the flowers in the garden when he saw what happened.

It all happened so quickly that neither of you could react in time…

Your daughter, the youngest of the twins, let her ball fall and bowed to pick it up. At the same time, Saeyoung turned around to back out of his parking spot quickly.

A loud pitched scream stopped him and made him stop the car when at the same moment, he heard his daughter’s scream.

From the mirror, he could see you running towards the car. You bowed and picked up someone behind the car.

Your crying daughter was hugging you tightly while Saeran ran towards you with a cold towel.

,,I TOLD YOU!’’ you hissed at him as he began to tear up too.

,,I-I’m sorry, I-’’ he tried to say and hugged his crying daughter, patting your back.

He was just in time…

Ever since that day, the children had to stay on the staircase when someone sat in the car to never ever let that happen again...

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

12.04.2021// 23:20 MEST

[rfaromance]

I'm sorry for my lack communication 😥 but 'other saeran personality' which I mean is including unknow and GE/SE saeran too btw thank you for your answer and analyzing!

from 'which kind of dress that other Saeran's persona might like?' post I continuely curious

Then , what about Unknow if we were his assistant? Which kind of dress he might order MC wear? Or he doesn't care about it?

Oh, sorry I didn't realize! I'm happy you liked my analysis and answer for Suit Saeran though. ^^

I'll go in order now from GE -> Unknown -> SE!

GE Saeran doesn't have a preference for what his MC wears. He still feels shame for the things that Ray and Saeran did, and he doesn't want to force his love to wear or do anything they don't want. If MC asked him what type of clothing he prefers for them to wear, he'd insist they're equally breathtaking in anything. But MC can see the way his eyes light up when they wear something light colored and a bit loose.

GE personally wears a lot of light, earthy, natural colors. We see him in a plain white button-down or a khaki sweater, and then brown or black pants. He's simple and likes comfort. @marshmallowprotection can give more analysis on this, but his loose and open-collared shirts are a symbol of his newfound freedom. Ray was practically choking in that tight cravat, and Suit in his big display of "power" and "strength" was still held on a tight chain by Savior, as shown by the chain he wears on his neck. GE can open his collar and is no longer on anyone's leash. He's free to move and smile and laugh and live and love.

So he'd be lying if he said he didn't love the way MC looks in an outfit with a low neckline where he can see their collarbones, or a shirt with poofy sleeves that billow in the wind. He likes the way the sunlight seems to reflect off them when they wear pale colors, because in his eyes... they are his angel, his true salvation.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Unknown claims he doesn't care what his assistant wears. He claims it's a hassle and he doesn't give a damn what they do as long as they listen to him and do the tasks he gives them.

That's a lie, like most of what Unknown says.

While he may or may not have planned to scoop up an assistant in his efforts to lead an unsuspecting MC to the apartment, he definitely doesn't have a wardrobe prepared. He may very well be giving them some of his clothes at first, and if his assistant isn't built like an emo twinkle, then they're gonna have a bad time.

Ultimately he'd get them clothes that fit them and are more in line with their preferences, but he has strict guidelines. Dark colors, because he's a shadow and he can't have an assistant who sticks out like a sore thumb. Ideally something more grunge, goth, punk, or emo in aesthetic, because happy colors like pastels and neons make him sick. "You have no connection to the outside world anymore. They don't want or need you. You belong to me, and only me. You don't need anything else."

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

SE Saeran says he doesn't care, and he means it. If his partner is his former assistant, he won't say a word about their fashion choices. He gives them a simple nod or thumbs up, every time they show him an outfit. He's already taken so much from them... He won't let himself burden them any further. He's not their boss anymore and the thought of acting as if he had authority over them makes him sick. Just because he doesn't have autonomy doesn't mean he should take someone else's.

If he meets his partner after everything at Mint Eye (which is a whole other mess because he's highly resistant to getting involved with people, considering his history), then he will probably act similarly. He may occasionally voice more support for some outfits than others, but he'll never discourage anything. Honestly he needs a strong-willed partner who encourages him to be more honest and true to himself, to have preferences and wants and wishes.

Someone around here deserves to wear clothes that spark joy. He will never wear short sleeves again.

[natasha-in-space]

Hello hello! I've picked a couple of numbers off that ask list that I wanted to tell you, so here they are!

6. Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics: The confusion and fear Natasha feels in Mint Eye, particularly in the timeline of Fractured Heart. Something about that fic really stuck with me, the way you described all her conflicting feelings coming together and only serving to hurt her more. In general, the way you write about being a believer in Mint Eye is so gripping, I'm always left wanting to know more.

4. The best ship you've written for: I really enjoy reading your Saeran/Natasha fics. I'm not a Saeran MC, so it's always interesting to see how people write about a relationship between him and his partner, especially through the difficult times in Mint Eye. They've known each other through their worst times and they've made it through those times together. That's a bond that lasts. I also really like this pairing in particular because through each Saeran variant there's a new side of Natasha I get to see.

15. A question I have about one of your fics: More generally, about your Rika fics. How did you manage to get such a good grasp on her character? The fics you write about her are so well thought-out and are so considerate towards her, it leaves me wanting to read more.

Wah! So much kind words concerning my cmc works of all things? Excuse me while I just... print out this ask and hang it on my wall 🤭💕

I'm humbled you enjoy Fractured Heart, and what it has to offer! It's one of the darkest timelines I have up my sleeve, which makes writing for it a challenging and very fascinating process. The Natasha you see in that story in particular is very difficult from the usual person you see in other works, since Unknown does not hesitate to cleanse her completely. She's actually loyal to the Mint Eye ideology, thus making it very challenging to ally with her. Saeyoung wouldn't have any problems with Natasha from Another Story! Still, no matter how loyal you are, what do you do when you see harm being caused for no other reason than to cause harm? Does that make you, or the people you're devoted to - bad people? Or is it justified, since Luciel is supposedly a very disgusting human being? But, what do you do when his behavior states the opposite? Exploring such frustrating contradictions is what's fun about writing for her in that timeline. Will I write more installments for it? Yeah, I'm sure I will. When, though, I have no idea :D

As for Natasha's relationship with Saeran, if I would get asked to describe it in one word it would be... complicated. Their relationship is very layered and complex, and while this helps strengthen their bond, this also brings many problems that can get missed out on at first. That's not mentioning that her individual relationships with Ray, Suit, GE, VAE, and Unknown/SE are unique in their own ways. They're coworkers, they're friends, and they're partners. I oftentimes write their relationship as ambiguous in nature, a weird blurred line between a platonic and romantic affection that they're both are not sure about. That's not to say that they don't love each other. They love each other deeply, but that exact attachment can complicate things. When you're always together, it can get hard to distinguish the line. They don't even think much about the line in the first place, until somebody else points it out. I am excited to bring more of their many stories to the public!

It's such a huge compliment to hear that my Rika fics compell you so much >< As for your question: I honestly don't know??? I'm guessing it's sheer practice, to be honest. See, there are just some characters I've been writing with for years, and I have no problem at all picturing their mannerisms and actions in my head as I write them. Rika, the Choi twins, Jihyun, Vanderwood and my cmc's are those characters specifically. This is the group I use most often. And, I'll say, when I look back at my first creations, I **hated** writing Rika, because it was so damn difficult to get her right. She's a complicated character to say the least. You can't just make her a villain and be done with it most of the times. It also depends on **which** character you're writing for. From Natasha's point of view, she'll be written as an antagonistic figure. From Chaewon's, she's in the right. And all the grey area in-between, depending on who your main character is. That's not to mention that I use unreliable narrators a whole lot in my storytelling. I mischaracterized her a whole lot at first, but this concerns every character I worked with. I never posted my early writings, just continuing to have fun and get to know these characters in many different settings. It came with time and a lot of practice, but I'm at a place where I'm confident in my characterization! I know how she talks, how she moves, how she thinks. That's why I always tell young writers to just create whatever they want! My early creations are terrible, but you know what? If I didn't write those terrible out of character stories, I'd never strengthen my skill level. You don't have to post everything you create! Have fun and explore even the most outlandish ideas ☆

[asterjennifer]

Bright

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: SE Saeran x Reader

Category: Angst (Fluff)

Warnings: Arguments

Word count: 5405

Author's Note: Ice under the Sunlight au~

Summary: The RFA party is going great, the guests are very friendly and funny.

With your attention on other people, you later notice Saeran left the hall.

When looking for him, you didn't expect to find him so worked up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The preparation had been worth the stress, everything tunred out perfectly. With the hall sparkling so bright, people chatting over each other to enjoy their night as the event passed by and all members of the RFA presence, nothing seemed to be missing. Although you're quite sad that V's not there anymore to celebrate alongside his group, doing it in his honour's the best way to assure he's still living in the hearts of everyone that attended the fundraising organization's party. And this time your chest couldn't help but glow with pride, seeing so many different people pushing aside stereotypes and coming together for good cause's such a powerful feeling as you're also responsible for it to happen. I'm so happy!! You giggled to yourself.

Saeyoung and Yoosung appeared to share the same wamrth, they both waved over to you from the other side of the room. You've been stuck in conversations the moment the doors opened, considering you're the person that the guests mailed with. They all knew about you, some even looked forward meeting you for a nice smalltalk, although you're not a fan of surface conversations, things felt better that way. Jaehee still stood on the entrance to greet the last couple guests that entered, Jumin's already preoccupied because of the press that's always finding a place on the parties. Watching Zen getting faltered by many woman at once's also worth a giggle. Poor actor.. The man talking to you offered a glass, which you took with a polite smile.

At first you talked to a speaking Teddy Bear, that certainly had been an experience. But what's there to do when the RFA member prefered inviting very unique individuals. It's not like that's a bad thing, the Teddy's funny and good for jokes. Probably the reason Saeyoung spoke to him next. One of the directors Zen worked for used extravagant charm to captivate you, the talk you had with that older man's pretty interesting. He explained the difference stages of an actor and how they access emotions inside, although it sounded easy, you're aware it's the opposite. So many cool people, I really love these parties! You're relieved things went smoothly, now that this party had been another success.

"Cheers to your talents, Miss (N)."

"Thank you, cheers to everyone who showed up!"

The young bank manager you invited by Jumin's requested smiled wide, he beamed with positivity. That's such a beautiful sight, you couldn't help but return the smile. Perhaps the bad feeling at the beginning of the party had been false anxiety. I can feel it.. this night will be great! He started to tell you about export of money, which's everything but an easy topic to follow. Apparently you need to have constant monitoring and once the cameras didn't work, the entire structure's forced to come to an hold in order to fix the technical issue. However, as fascinating as it seemed, the bad feeling in the back of your head didn't let you enjoy anything in peace. What's going on..? You're unsure how to interpret that nervous thumping inside your chest, it's like something's stressing you out.

Not wanting to come off as rude, you nodded while the man in front of you continued to talk. You looked around for a short moment, there's nothing out of ordinary though. A frown rushed over your face, no way that inner nervousness rose into your throat for nothing. Why do I feel like this..? Seeking the RFA members, you found them all on different parts of the hall. All members, except one. Saeran-? The man called you by name, asking if there's something wrong. You stared back as panic began to suffocate your chest. I can't just leave.. Therefore you hummed, letting him speak as he wished. You made it look like you're paying attention, in reality, however, you wondered where the younger Choi twin went. Does Saeyoung know?

To your bad luck the man's a waterfall when it came to words. He didn't stop pursuing this and that topic, jumping so quickly it didn't give you the chance to excuse yourself. Maybe the crowd's too much for him.. Your index finger tapped against the glass in your hand, Saeran never had been a man for parties or big events. He didn't like to be surrounded by many people, especially if he's unfamiliar with them. It's possible that he left to go back home, but you're doubting that somehow. Saeyoung didn't seem to know and he didn't tell you anything regarding going home either. He might be outside? Saeran could've left the main hall, the bulding's pretty big as there's not only the party room. He could take a walk.

Not able to contain your worry any further, you quickly excused yourself when saying you needed to use the bathroom. The banker nodded, letting you leave right away. The garden attached to the back of the building could be a place where he'd gone.. After placing down the empty glass, you quietly left through the backdoor of the stage and entered the empty halls in the back. Your high heels made your presence knowledgeable to the nothingness around, it's a bit unsettling. The part of the building's only for employees and the staff, explaining why no other soul was to find. Regardless if it's allowed or not, your gut spun the longer Saeran's out of your sight. Something's wrong. You could feel it. Where did you go? Chewing on your lower lip won't help finding him, you couldn't help yourself though.

Now that you thought about it, he'd been acting strange ever since arriving. He greeted you briefly, not starting a conversation nor did he ask you to stay close to his side like it's usually the case. Not once he made a comment on your dress, nor trying to mess with your mind as he did most of the time. Nothing. He'd been rather silent, crossing his arms when standing next to his brother and after the party offcial started, you haven't seen him ever since. How did I not notice!! Being angry with yourself's rare, considering you're always careful to make surroundings comfortable for everyone. How didn't you realize Saeran, from all people, was missing. The sound of the thick metal door being pushed filled your ears, it's oddly warm for the sun being gone.

The stars shone bright tonight, the moon almost filled with the particular, mysterious light that it offered whenever the daylight disappeared. No wind, everything's calm and peaceful. Saeran where are you? You looked around, sadly there's no other person to find than yourself. Defeated you took the phone from the pocket your dress had, searching for his number to call him instead. Did he go home after all? Another step to get into the garden, yet the silence remained. Your phone rang once, twice and a third time before the mailbox answered. You didn't like that, in fact, that's making the panic even worse. Why wasn't he picking up his phone? Saeyoung preached him countless times to keep it loud in case something happened. How's he not within reach when calling?

Worried to the bone you began to walk around the big place, the garden went all the way around. Maybe he sat down somewhere far away to make sure nobody could catch him by accident. You pressed the phone to your ear a second time, yet the outcome's the same. Only the mailbox. Damnit Saeran-! Should you call Saeyoung, perhaps? He would be able to track Saeran if things turned out to be bad. With your heartbeat stuck in your throat, you took quick albeit low steps around the windows of the building. Just why did he leave? And more importantly, why didn't he let anyone know he's leaving? He never did that before. The sudden sound of music caught you by surprise. Not very loud, nor good to understand.

There weren't words, it's a violin playing a song with a slow touch. What..? Confused you made sure your high heels couldn't give away your presence, it's just around the corner of the wall. Careful to not disturb whatever's going on, you peeked around, only to have your breath caught in your lunges. It's Saeran. Oh.. He sat against the wall, one knee lifted up with his arm laying over it. The phone in that particular hand while it played the song he'd chosen. Both eyes closed, wrinkle free facial expression. It's almost like he's doing meditation. Aside all that, somehow there's a sad vibe coming from him. If you wouldn't have known better, you'd say he's a statue by how stiff he sat. Not even his chaotic hair's moving, everything's silent. Your heartbeat picked up speed.

"Saeran-..?"

A slight hint of blush crept over your cheeks by the embarrassment your voice caused, how broken it came out. Revealing the fear of the unknown. He moved then, head finally tilted back when meeting your stare from the corner of his eyes. Unable to bring your legs into motion, both of you just stayed that way for a moment that took way too long. What's going on..? You've never been more confused before, there's clearly something wrong. The young man with red hair looked back afterwards, closing his eyes once again.

"Go back and party."

Your frown grew until it became uncomfortable. What the hell? Saeran's words felt more than just detached, not to mention that he didn't address you with any of his silly nicknames. I wonder.. Unsure what's the best thing to do, you shook your head. He couldn't see it, yet words were difficult to find.

"But.. You're gone for quite a while. Did something happen?"

"You noticed that?"

He countered immediately with another question, setting you in a very unusual position. What does that mean? You noticed that he's gone, of course you did. Although it happened pretty late in comparison, no way you wouldn't have overlooked the fact he left at some point. He's important to you, he should be acquainted with that fact by now. You walked around the corner, coming closer into his space. He didn't complain, therefore you stopped only when standing beside him. After a moment of consideration, you sat down as well. It's cold, the dress didn't make it any better. At least you're able to see the little details on his face. Still no wrinkle to find, yet the slight shadow over his face's speaking walls.

"Of course. I started to get worry.. So I called and went looking for you."

It's unsatisfying as he didn't react, instead the violin played in order to drown out the silence. What happened? You've never seen him like that before, normally he opened up about a lot when the two of you were alone. His sent rose into your nose, reminding you he also didn't pull you closer like you're used to. There's so much wrong about this situation, you couldn't go back inside and act like everything's perfect. It obviously wasn't. Saeran still refused to respond after you hooked your arm underneath his. Body temperature always so hot, the suit he wore giving you a taste of the muscles covered by it. Saeran might be tender, but he's still defined. With both your hands holding onto his arm, you also decided to lean your head against his shoulder.

"If something's wrong then you can tell me. I'm always here for you.."

Voice nothing more than a whisper, you nuzzled a bit into his shoulder. Are you sad about something? Or angry? Saeran had some anger issues, you've seen occasions in the past. However, they casued him to snap or lash out when really losing it. This was different. There must've been something bothering him that didn't take place before. Otherwise you couldn't explain this emptiness he used at the moment. The sudden shift pulled you out of thoughts, he shut off the music to put his phone away. Now it's really quiet.

"Why do you come for me. You were having fun with the guest."

The bitter touch in his tone's having your spit stay away. What does the guests have to do with anything? Still uncertain what's going on, you shook your head. Sure, you're having fun inside. But how could something be fun without Saeran on your side? Didn't he understand that yet? Where is the playful and confident man that loved to tease you so much? It let you feel slightly frustrated.

"But I was worried, you just.. disappeared."

"I'm not a fucking child. I can manage myself."

Your eyes widened, taking your head back up to see his face again. Sadly he turned away completely to make that attempt end in vain. What!? That's new, he never bit back at you before. Especially not when trying to help or understand him. His arm tensed up, the way his body began to shake lightly under your touch's alarming. With each passing second you're more and more confused. Are you hurt Saeran? He's not being rude because of your care, you're knowing Saeran too well for that. There's a secret you're unaware of that got him hissing like that. You carefully placed your hand onto his cheek, trying to pull him back for eye contact.

"Hey. I don't know what's wrong but.. You know that whatever's going on, it's okay."

Since you're ignorant about the situation, it made comforting him harder than it already was. Saeran gritted his teeth, you're able to feel his jaw clench alongside his muscles against your fingertips. Dear God.. No time to think about what else to say, all the air's pressed out of your lunges the moment your back hit the cold ground. The sudden push caught you off guard, it had your vision spinning as you tried to look back up. But Saeran just leaned over for a kiss. What–? You avoided to choke on air, that's not even remotely what you expected him to do. His lips chapped as always, pressing down against yours almost aggressively. A weak gasp escaped your lips by how fast things moved, your brain couldn't catch up.

But the wamrth of his hand on your thigh's enough to have you fall out of dizziness, his fingernails scratched over your skin to let your legs shudder. What's happening!? Normally you're okay with his kiss attacks or little touches, yet this wasn't the usual game of his. The way he's pinning you down, the strength he kept under control most of the time now left marks on your leg and neck after breaking the kiss, that's not Saeran's style. Your attempt to form words got interrupted with another kiss, his tongue pushed into your mouth after lowering your chin with the other hand. It's messy, that's all. Not even the passion of his to feel, it's just messy and if you dared to think, possessive. This isn't.. You pulled away, catching your air.

"Saeran.. What are you d-doing!? You're– You're not acting like yourself!"

It surprised you both, the tremble inside your voice. I sound.. way too scared– Saeran didn't meet your eyes, he stopped all his movements though. But he's still hovering above you, close enough for the tips of his red hair to tickle your cheek. What's gotten into you..? It's no use, you couldn't deny your body's shaking slightly from both the night and his action. At least the hot blush covering your entire face's keeping you warm. You could see Saeran's fingers try to dig into the concrete floor, it must've hurt when the tips turned paper white.

"Sorry.. I'm stupid."

That's all he offered before standing up, giving you no time to find yourself before he decided to turn around and leave. As quick as your dress allowed it, you stood up yourself to go after him. I can't believe it-! Stupid, he called himself stupid. Although you didn't understand why he'd done that, you knew it wasn't due to bad intensions. He would never ever hurt you, that's the one thing you're more confident about than anything else. It's not easy to run in high heels, luckily he didn't walk that fast. You're able to catch up after a minute or two.

"Saeran– Saeran! What's going on!? I don't get it, can't you tell me at least? I'm confused."

You brought him to an hold by pulling on the dark suit, the counterpart to his twin's suit in bright white and red. He tore away from your grip, making eye contact for the first time since you've found him out here. I... You didn't like it. He looked pained, hurt even. There's something frustrated shimmering in his bright, minty eyes. You've never seen that kind of look on his face before, it's leaving you helpless as to what to do. Saeran broke the intimacy as quickly again, speaking through his teeth as if he's trying to keep composure.

"Can't you just– Why the fuck are you even putting up with me!?"

He asked, or spat. You had no words left for that, you had to repeat the meaning a couple of times to make sure you understood correctly. Why is he saying that..? Why you put up with him? Shouldn't it be the other way around? You're not fitting for the tempo, you didn't feel brave enough for the things he wanted to share with you. Often enough you pushed him away due to the embarrassment taking over your system. Yet he's always close to you, you're the only one he approached that way. Therefore you're unable to comprehend any of this. You shook your head in confusion, feeling more lost than ever before.

"What-? But Saeran, I care about you! Why else would we.. you know.. we're c-close."

"Yeah, we're physically close because I literally can't give anything else."

Physical? We're more than that.. You swallowed the bitter taste that spread on your tongue. What was he saying? Not able to give anything else..? At this point you're just praying for him to calm down and explain what the problem was. Nothing in particular happened that could've triggered him like this, it's obviously about you both. What are you thinking? You lifted your hand, hanging uselessly in the air as you're unsure where to put it. Give something else? He gives you literally everything of him, he shares and shows so much of himself. You're certain you knew him in a way no other person on the planet did. He ruffled through his hair, a long sigh filling the air as he leaned back against the wall. Looking even more tortured.

"Have you ever thought that maybe someone normal would give you way more than I do?"

He asked, looking back at you with both anger and fear twisted in his face. You pressed your hands into each other, incapable to say anything. You're too shocked about the thoughts he revealed that probably plagued him even before tonight. Saeran stared back down to the ground, seemed like eye contact's too much for him.

"Physical contact's not special, (N). Flirting isn't special."

"Saeran..?"

"The people you talk to would– They're funny."

He suddenly let his shoulders fall, looking the most defeated. As if you just beat him black and blue. Saeran rubbed his forehead, the tension suffocating the air's hard to breath at all. You wanted to say something, that what he's referring to wasn't the entire picture. He should know that's not all to your relationship. Is he insecure? Funny? Why was he talking about other people now? But then there's a tiny click in the back of your head, a detail that explained all this behavior and his frustration in the first place. It made all sense, hitting your chest heavily. Jealously..

"They're kind and open. They have charisma, okay? I don't have any of this. I'm weird and I fucking know that."

He stopped himself, breathing through his nose while he corssed his arms. You watched his nails dig into his upper arm, at the spot where the suit covered his tattoo. It must've reminded him. Weird, he thought he is to other people. What he saw himself as. Didn't calling himself stupid's bad enough? Your own frustration began to turn into anger. Saeran shrugged his shoulders.

"What I show is easily replaceable. Literally everyone could make you feel the way I do, probably even better. You just– You can't know that!"

You opened your mouth to that, yet no sound escaped. Saeran saw it out of the conrers of his eyes, instead of giving you time to find the right words, he just clicked his tongue behind his teeth. Becoming more and more worked up with the second by the way his hands cramped deeper into the fabric of his suit. It couldn't be healthy.

"You think I'm good at this because you don't have any comparison."

Why do you think so low of yourself..You knew Saeran's dealing with inner voices and demons due to his past. Saeyoung told you lots of stories Saeran didn't share yet, you understood where he's coming from and why it's difficult for him. But God, this wasn't his fault. You didn't want any comparison, you didn't need such a thing. Because he already claimed the space in your heart as his. You always suspected he's aware, that's what made him so bold. But it seemed you've mistaken. For how long did he bear these insecurities to now spill over by just talking to some of the guests? I never even considered.. You're always so busy keeping your own anxiety and shame under control you never thought about him maybe dealing with similar fears.

"It's not fucking special and.. and I hate myself that it's all I can show. Because I know one day you just-"

"Saeran..!"

"You end up leaving me like everyone else."

Hate yourself!? Your head shot back up, eyes wide in shock of him just thinking about such impossibility. How much of him was filled with doubt to face such nonsense. Abandonment issues... Saeyoung's voice whispered into your subconscious. He's scared of being abandoned. Given his past, you couldn't be mad for him to question you like this either. It's neither your nor his fault, but there he stood. Acting like he's to blame for all the things that went wrong or didn't go the way he hoped. Even with you, never once you figured he's scared when it came to you. Have I been so wrong..? I always thought.. he's confident in his actions. Saeran pushed himself from the wall.

"I can't keep you beside me just because I touch you right, I know that's not.. that isn't how things work. Just leave me alone."

He sighed louder this time, moving his feet again to get away completely. The panic crawling into your system paired with the shock of the secrets he'd been dealing with almost knocked you over. Are you really thinking like this!? For how long did he live with the belief that one day you're fed up with his touch and look for someone else? When did the idea popped into his head that it's all just temporarily? And above all, how is he suddenly the one worrying this relationship's just physical? That had been one of your biggest fears ever since the incident at the beach. You couldn't take that he's dealing with the exact same toxicity coming from that thought. He cares like you do, therefore you shared the same pain.

Everything regarding his intension's somehow messed over, now that you're knowing the truth, your heart's hammering like crazy behind your ribcage. No way.. You couldn't let this escalate any further, it's bad enough you didn't find your voice until now. Being torn to shreds from the inside, you quickly grabbed him by the suit to pull his body back against yours. Since he hadn't been prepared, both of you almost lost balance. Luckily you caught yourself to take him into a tight embrace, both arms around him to be as close as possible. No no.. Hot tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. Don't leave! Unable to stop the sob that filled the air, you pressed your face into his back.

"B-But.. But you're not weird. You're n-not replaceable!! I like you, S-Saeran– I don't care about other people..!"

You tried to not let the sobs and hiccups take over your voice, this was important. He's so important to you and you never questioned that he's not aware of that. You would never judge him just because he showed his affection and care differently than other people, you learned over all these months and years that he's able to give everything someone else could give. His way of showing, it's just in other language. He's not good with words. That's why him spilling so much had you worked up to the core. Saeran.. Saeran Saeran.. You didn't know what you're begging for inside your head, but you're definitely in need of saying something.

"I-I like you for more reasons! You– You're smart a-and nice to be around.. I like that you're straightforward. Even.. Even if I'm often flustered b-because of that."

That's quite brave for you to open up about because you would think he's going to hold that against you in these games of his. But since you're enlightened now, it's certain he wouldn't. Man.. You sniffed away the tears that ran down your cheeks, not letting loose from him. You couldn't risk him running away without knowing how you're feeling, after he told you his guts, it's only fair to return that gesture. His sent helped you find calm in the situation, giving you the opportunity to breath through and collect your words. He managed that every time, it's no news he's the source of both your nervousness and calmness.

"You're more to me than just.. attraction. I always thought– I thought you knew that."

"How? I never give you anything else–"

"Not true! You g-give me affection, attention and.. and y-you show me.. other sides of you too. It makes me feel special."

The blush reached into your ears. Please don't go.. You couldn't stop repeat the prayers like a broken record. Please don't leave now.. He needed to accept he's more than just what he's capable of showing openly. The small details or little moments gave away how much he truly cared about you, even if it's not present all the time. It didn't imply for him to not feel anything, it's just that it's more difficult for him than other people without such a dark past. You understood it all, there's nothing about Saeran you're not willing to consider. By the deeper stuff you both showed the other, it's safe to assume you knew how to read and respond to him, just as these rules worked for him. Saeran breathed out, you could feel it.

"You'll get sick of me, (N). I won't be able to change this anytime soon."

His words felt like knifes stabbing through your chest, the more he spoke the harder it became to not scream into his face that you're in love with him. Another time. This wasn't the moment, but there were other ways to show it. You let go of him to step in front of his body, successfully blocking his escape route. Still not brave enough to look into your eyes, you cupped his cheeks instead. They're warm under your fingertips, a lovely shade of pink. Only now you noticed he's also fighting hot water before it won and ran over his face. Saeran.. You're not used to experience his low phases like this. It's about time, I guess. You cleared your throat, keeping your voice as soft as possible.

"I would never ever.. get sick of you. You don't have to change either, I get it. I know how to read between the lines. You give me enough, Saeran.. I promise."

You wiggled his face slightly, from the left to the right and back. He followed without resistance, looking down in front of the ground. You silly.. The tears seemed to have become too hard to hold as they began to roll over his cheeks, shimmering bright underneath the moonlight. Although the tension's still hanging in the air, at least he gave himself premission to let it out. It's not often he's open to show such a valuable state to another person. You're grateful he's willing to let you see it. I love you.. Words you're not yet having enough courage to speak, instead whispered them in your mind before leaning up on your tiptoes for a kiss. Saeran didn't return it right away, he let you move your lips against his slowly, taking in their shape and his taste. 

You smiled against him when feeling both his hands come up to hold you by the waist, going around your body until they're laying flat on your back. That felt safe, comfortable. Something he'd given you since day one, a feeling you cherished more than anything else in the world. Silly.. You pulled away just enough to repeat the kiss, nothing other than a silent promise, you hoped he got the message. Silly boy. Finally he opened his eyes when holding your gaze, the mint now a cool blue due to the night. They're lighter, brighter after telling him your heart. It's a beautiful look for him, hopefully he would never lose that inner flame that's burning inside him, it never failed to have you captivated. He's only a bit older than you, yet he managed to remind you of a young child at times.

Not a noise, instead he looked down to his hands that ran back to your hips, there were words laying on his tongue, it's obvious. Don't push yourself.. You stroked your thumb over his heated cheek, all of his wamrth against your body's so lovely. Saeran nodded, more to himself than you before leaning down to give you another kiss. Just as sweet, a bit more shy, even. How cute, that's a rare side of Saeran you don't get to experience every day. After he pulled away, your forehead was pushed against his by his big hand on the back of your head, his hair still ticklish.

"I'm sorry. For earlier, for blowing up.. I'm sorry for everything."

The smile on your face widened, of course he was. When wasn't he sorry for the tiniest mistake or emotional explosions, he's always stuck in regret. One day he should leave that guilt behind, however, you appreciated his apology regardless. You nodded, leaving a lingering kiss on his left cheek. There's nothing I wouldn't forgive you! He raised an eyebrow by your little giggle, but it's the truth. You pulled away from him, taking both his hands along the way. Letting him go's not an option, he'd been gone too long.

"Can we go back inside? Let's enjoy the rest of the party together!"

You offered, voice being back to your usual self. He must've picked up on that, bringing another sweet smile onto his lips. Saeran hummed this time, letting you take the lead inside the bulding to go back to the RFA and the party that's taking place. With his hand firm in yours, the bad intuition from earlier let go completely. Now you're ready to celebrate the way it's meant to be, with Saeran beside you and the other members, there's nothing you wanted more. He'd been quiet when walking back, yet you didn't miss how his eyes stayed stuck on your hands. It shoot the blush up to the tip of your ears. At the end of the corridor he came to an hold, pulling you back slightly. Before you're able to ask, his words came out mumbled.

"Thank you, angel. I'm very glad I have you.."

Again, there's more weight in the back of his throat, waiting to be unleashed. But you're both certain he's not able to speak any of it, therefore you smiled back, squeezing his hand. Yeah I get it.. You placed your free hand against the door to get back inside, the music and people already audible. Saeran's own blush increased on color as you snickered softly.

"I'm just as happy to have you with me, Saeran."

[k0kichiimagines]

SAERAN CHOI ❥•°❀°•༢

Happy birthday to you dear stranger, happy birthday to you ~

[unknown; you get some strange messages on your birthday, but you make sure to return the favour on his]

I love

[se saeran; he has some new flowers to show you, he's a bit hesitant about telling you the meaning though]

Please still be here when I wake up

[ray; he's given you a fake elixir, but something's wrong, and he can't promise his safety]

Violin

[ray; someone's playing the violin. wouldn't it be nice to dance with him?]

Alive [tw: references to suicidal thoughts]

[ge saeran; you think he might have saved your life in a way he wasn't aware of]

We're not out of the tunnel yet [tw: suicidal mc]

[ge saeran; perhaps if you hide it with jokes he'll never be aware]

Good prince/ss [nsfw]

[ray; he is enamoured with you and obsessed with bringing you pleasure]