#still a pure boi who doesnt get the implications

[rek1s-headband]

Hello may i request reki angst taking place after episode 7 with a fluff ending?

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I’m sure after episode 7 we all need a little bit of Reki comfort. Let’s all give this boy some much needed loving:)

A question for those of you who watched the recent episode: how are we feeling?

➯ Character: Reki Kyan x Reader

➯ Warnings: Shouting, implications of a panic attack

➯Word count:1.7K

“Someone who deserves you”

You could feel yourself struggling to keep your balance on your skateboard, the rain beating down on your figure. Reki hasn’t been answering any of your texts, and had been very distant with you in school, so you’d decided to ride up to his house to see what was wrong. Any time you asked him if he was alright in school, any time you’d beg him to tell you what was making him look so upset, he’d simply ruffle your hair and tell you not to worry your pretty little head about it, that there was nothing wrong. You were his s/o, surely he’d tell you if something was wrong? You’d asked Langa if he knew what was up with Reki, and he’d simply shrug, telling you reki had been kind of off with him as well.

Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as you hit a stray pebble, sending you flying over your board and hitting the floor with a thud. You heard your board roll away, heard someone stop it and pick it up. Looking up, you saw none other than Langa Hasegawa himself walking over to you. He looked concerned, but as he got closer to you, he was wearing what could only be described as a look of pure despair. He put your board down beside you, tears quickly collecting around his eyes.

You were off the floor in an instant, pulling him into your chest, swaying the two of you as langa quietly sobbed into your shoulder. You could feel your hoodie begin to get soaked with rain and his tears, holding him impossibly tighter and playing with his hair in an attempt to calm him down. When his shoulders stopped shaking, you pulled his head out of your shoulder, holding his face in your hands and using your thumbs to swipe away his tears that were beginning to gather again.

“Langa,” you say it gently, but there’s a firmness in your voice that holds enough importance for him to hold in his third hiccup within a minute. “What happened?” The question was barely out of your mouth before his grip on your arms tightened, and he began talking 90 miles a minute.

“It’s Reki, he—I went to his house because he seemed off today and I wanted to know what was wrong, but he wasn’t there so I waited until he came home, but he didn’t show up for ages and I thought maybe he was busy but then it started raining and he came back and he looked so sad, I just wanted to figure out was wrong, but he started shouting a me, saying I was gonna break our promise to not skate against Adam. And I know I told him I wouldn’t skate against him, but its just so exciting and I know I need to beat him if I’m gonna get better, y/n, I need to. But Reki doesnt see that, he just thinks I’m gonn get hurt and-“ you placed a careful hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up.

“Langa,” you repeated yourself, urgency prevalent in your voice this time. “Where is Reki now?”

“At his house. His mom thought he was with me, can you believe that? He wouldn’t tell me where he was, though. He looked all roughed up and hurt, I just wanted to make sure he was-“ once again, poor Langa’s rambling was cut off, this time by you getting on your skateboard and riding off to Reki’s house. You could tell both boys were clearly hurting, but Reki was all that seemed to fill your mind as you sped down the road to his house. As you began to approach his house, you could make out a small figure leaning against the wall, head in his hands, and soaking wet. Why wasn’t he inside? You saw his head perk up a bit when you got off your skateboard, only to hide his face when he realised it was you, tears also streaming down his face. You knew something was wrong, so why the hell did he try and keep it from you?

Reki didn’t have much time to compose himself or try to explain what was going on before you were marching up to him and flinging your arms around his neck. He stumbled back slightly from the impact, tensing up a bit, before finally letting go and wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck. You kept him there for a little bit, before he was slowly pushing you off him, not daring to look you in the eyes. You looked him over, seeing his multiple bruises and rips in his clothing. For once it was him who couldn’t seem to get a word out, and you who couldn’t seem to stop talking.

“What the hell was that? Why did I run into Langa on my way here, and why was he so upset? Why are you so upset? What’s been going on the past coupe of days, you’ve seemed so sad, and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, but you’ve been so distant and you keep telling me you’re okay, when you’re clearly not okay, so why the hell would you keep it from me? And your clothes, did you fall? Why would you...Reki?” Your questions slowly faded out as you watched Reki slump against the wall, refusing to say a word or look you in the eyes. You got closer to him, a quiet “Reki..?” passing your lips. As you got closer, you heard how quickly he was breathing, heard him quietly repeating “I’m sorry” over and over. You placed your hands on his face, forcing him to look at you. “Hey, Reki, look at me. Its okay. It’s me. I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you, no one is.” You could feel his breathing slow down a bit, but he didn’t stop shaking. “Please, talk to me.”

He stood up straighter, taking one of your hands in his, looking away from you once again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” When you gave him a look of curiosity and concern, he let out a shaky breath, continuing to speak. “I didn’t mean to worry you, I just—I didn’t want to hold you back, any of you. Maybe,” he looked at you for the first time in what felt like forever, “maybe you’d be better of if we weren’t together.” He gave you the fakest smile you’ve ever seen as you felt your heart fall into your stomach. “You should find someone who can keep up with you. Someone who deserves you”

Oh.

So that’s what it was....

“Reki....” you pulled his chin up to look at you, tears pooling in both of your eyes at this point. “Is that how you really feel?” You thought he was having a hard time after Langa had gotten better at skateboarding, but any time you questioned him he simply perked up, claiming he was delighted with Langa’s “newfound fame.” But now you were certain of it. “You know we’d never, ever leave you behind, right? We love you, all of us do!” You stopped to wipe a tear away from his face, feeling his shuddering breath on your face.

“It’s just that,” he pulled away from your hold, pulling his arms in around himself. He took a step or two back, tilting his head back to look up into the sky, rain pouring onto his face. “It was me who started skating first, he’s barely even started! And now he’s beaten two of the top competitors, and he wants to go against the founder of the whole thing? It’s not fair, it was my thing, and now he’s got all the recognition! I dont even care that he’s gotten good, I couldn’t be happier. I just dont want this to all get to his head and leave me! Or worse,” he made his way back over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders, “what if he gets hurt, and he quits skateboarding and I’m alone again? I can’t do it again, y/n, I cant lose another friend.” He collapsed into your arms, and you could feel him begin to cry again. For someone who was always such a ball of enthusiasm, this was heartbreaking to watch unfold. You held him close to you, pushing your hands through his sopping wet hair, making a mental note to force him to take a warm bath later.

You began to trace patterns on his back as you felt him calm down a little, poking his head out from where it was hiding. “There’s no one in this world I’d rather be with than you, Reki, so you can cut the ‘someone who deserves you’ shit. I’m yours, and you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not” you gave him a soft smile as he began to wrap you in an embrace, the persistent rain still beating down on the pair of you. He placed his hands on your hips, looking down on you with what could only be described as a look of pure adoration.

“What the hell did I do to deserve someone like you”, he gave you a soft smile, before leaning down to give you a desperate, passionate kiss. You reciprocated immediately, running your hands through his hair once again. You stayed like that for a while, pressing long, open mouthed kisses to each other’s lips. You felt him let out a quiet sigh, pulling you even closer to him and gripping onto the back of your hoodie. When you finally pulled away, he kept his hands on your waist, yours still playing with the ends of his hair at the back of his neck. He looked down at you, a dopey grin plastered on his face.

“I’m not going anywhere, Reki Kyan. None of us are. You’ll never be alone as long as we’re by your side.” You kept your face close to his, your breath mingling in the middle. You pressed one last kiss to his forehead, pulling away from him. “Now lets get out of the rain, you’re gonna get sick.” He followed you down the path to his house like a puppy, a fond smile never leaving his face. “And you better talk to Langa as soon as you get out of that damn shower, I’ve never seen that guy look worse than he did than he did leaving your house.”

“Shit”

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Don’t Praise the Almighty (Part 1)

Also on AO3

hold on to your hats everyone - this is part one. i was going to put them together, then i realised part two is 6000 words and thats just too long 

TW for: implied abuse of all kinds, straight-up physical and emotional child abuse, gaslighting, all might if he was a terrible person.

TL;DR: 

Things you must sacrifice to make a hero: Humanity, Empathy.

Things you must sacrifice to be a hero: Everything.

izuku wants to be a hero, imagine the first ep happens etc. yagi doesnt so much say "you can be a hero" as "ill make you a hero"

an aside: inko is an absent parent, to make ends meet and a poor way of coping with a missing Hisashi. Izuku grows up without any positive adults figures in his life.

yagi makes izuku train and train and train, the kid’s hands bleed and his legs ache but allmight makes him keep going. allmight says he's useless and pathetic and a crybaby and izuku believes him, because he's allmight

they spar and yagi just holds back enough to not let izuku get hurt too badly to train. even katsuki is disturbed bc quirkless deku is coming to school with black eyes and swollen wrists

when katsuki calls him pathetic izuku just nods

"ill get better though"

and katsuki feels so gross he doesnt try to fuck with izuku for weeks

and so izuku is so convinced this is normal because katsuki does it, and mum does it, and now allmight? thats just how you treat kids he thinks. or quirkless ones at least

hes still a big fan of allmight because he doesnt see whats wrong. hes just pathetic and useless but then he'll get a quirk and he'll be worth something for the first time in his life

he barely sleeps, barely eats, just trains and studies and trains some more. he collapses. all might stands there until izuku gets back up and makes him keep running

reasons all mights like this

he is 1, suffering from internalised quirk discrimination

2, nana's dead bc she wasn't "strong enough"

3, he thinks he can shape izuku into the perfect selfless hero, and better person than he ever was.

hes convinced this is for the greater good. hes a dick but hes so sure hes in the right here

by the time of the entrance exam izuku is,,, kinda fucked up

he passes with flying colours because he used his quirk for the first time, broke his arm, and immediately moved on to snaping finger after finger. the teachers watched on, horrified as this child mutilated himself to get points

all might smiled. because this is what he wanted.

he saves ochacco too

he gets in and allmight is pleased with him, even more pleased than the time izuku admitted he hadn't slept for 72 hours and still got a perfect score on his test

and izuku thinks this was all worth it to see his hero smile at him

izuku is in 1A

izuku actually listed that he feels less pain due to his quirk, which aizawa believes but hes still not sold on the idea of a hero that destroys themselves. he doesnt know if izuku heals better or faster, but he's sure that may broken bones cant be good

aizawa is convinced he's going to expel izuku during the quirk test. the look he sees on izuku’s face when he says he's expelling the lowest scorer makes his stomach churn

because all of the other kids look worried, nervous

izuku looks like hes going to throw up.

the kid is trembling and pale and aizawa watches as he turns to ochako, smiles brightly and says "let's do our best" while he holds back full body tremors the other kids don't see

he breaks toes and fingers and he cries but he doesn't flinch at the pain

the only time he flinches is when someone looks him in the eyes, if someone speaks too loud, and at the firecracker pops of katsuki's quirk

and aizawa feels sick

the ball toss, he just can't watch this kid break anymore, and he stops his quirk

for a second he freezes, because this kids quirk manages pain, he'll be feeling all of those broken bones, he'll obviously notice

right?

but izuku doesnt notice his missing quirk until he throws the ball. he turns around, looking sick. aizawa feels so lost when he looks at him with pure relief

"oh, you're eraserhead"

izuku tears up for the first time in that class.

"please give me back my quirk"

aizawa feels so lost he blinks, and his quirk drops with it. there is something totally wrong about the utter relief the kid feels having this horrifically damaging quirk back, and there is something bothering aizawa about it, but he doesn't know what

"dont use your quirk for the rest of this test, kid. not unless you can use it without breaking something"

izuku nods but aizawa knows the kid will just try to hide it. he takes him by the shoulder when the others have moved on

"i mean it, midoriya. no quirk, or i'll expell you on the spot"

and izuku just looks so lost

"but, i have to? i'm-"

"you didn't flinch when i took your quirk. you can feel every broken bone, can't you?"

izuku just nods, like walking with broken toes is normal, like throwing a ball with broken fingers is easy. aizawa knows it's not

he just sighs.

"no quirk. we'll work on training it after. you're ahead enough not to fail the course, go to recovery girl now. you aren't expelled"

izuku just looks hurt

aizawa shoos him away and almost misses the thin form of all might slink out from behind the wall to follow izuku

he's worried, and confused. But he can't just, abandon a field of kids

he texts hizashi bc that's just who he texts when he's panicking, and he asks him to look out for smallmight and izuku, somewhere on the way to the infirmary. so present mic turns on the first movie he finds on his computer (an english language copy of rocky) yells "ENGLISH PRACTISE TIME" and runs out the door

1C is so lost

anyway, present mic can be quiet when he tries and when he hears the sound of allmight sternly talking to a student that's crying? he tries real fucking hard

he basically catches

"you're supposed to be stronger than this, why did he make you stop?"

"he saw my bones breaking-i couldnt-"

"and so you flinched? didn't we train?"

"i didnt flinch! he made me stop!"

allmight backhands him

"dont waste it. either get better at hiding it or learn to use your quirk without breaking bones quickly or ill find another successor. one that isn't useless."

present mic hears izuku agree and cry and he feels ill. he sneaks back a little further, then loudly walks down the hall. allmight smiles at him, and he wants to punch the man

izuku smiles at him too, tears in his eyes but like he's happy to see another hero. present mic cant understand why izuku is pressed so close to a man that hurt him, like he's more afraid of present mic than allmight

he walks with them to recovery girl, chatting like he was meant to be there. hes so grateful allmight is new, because he totally has a class he's meant to be teaching right now and that would be so suspicious if he knew his schedule 

he walks them all the way to the door, and he lingers. there is a touch of steel in his eyes when he tells allmight to take care because what he really means is "take care of yourself because i will not"

and hes halfway down the corridor before he freezes

why did izuku seem so comfortable with a man he shouldn't know

anyway present mic is having a quiet breakdown for 20 seconds before he sprints back to his class, pretends he never left, and panic texts aizawa

so aizawa, with a little great context, knows that that, particular, conversation wasn't as,,, unsavoury,,, as it could,,, be implied,,,

but like,,,,,, he's really lost on why izuku would know small might and he's very worried

bakugo is fuCKinG PisSed

izuku left?? and he wasn't expelled???

Any,,, unsavoury implications arent something I'm going to talk ab in this au bc it doesn't need to be worse,,, but it's very much intentional

so aizawa is having an actual moral crisis rn bc hizashi isn't a liar and he doesn't want to like, not believe when he saw. but really? the symbol of peace is terrible??? and hizashi doesn't want to believe it either. both of them as so sure they are just missing context or something

bakugo stalks up to recovery girls office after class bc wtf deku?? and he walks in to just see izuku blankly picking at new white scars

he actually perks up when katsuki enters

and there is this man standing over izuku. this man he's seen with izuku before, yelling at him, but someone izuku seems happy to be around. it's not deku’s dad, he knows that. and the guy is too blonde and tall to have literally any relation to him.

a lot of the fire in katsuki goes out when he sees how tired izuku looks, and the question he was going to yell becomes more of a mumble

"so, you have a quirk now? just like that?"

he looks up and he sees that man's hand on izuku's shoulder, curled like a claw, so tight it must hurt. but izuku doesn't flinch or shy away, he smiles softly

"i'm really lucky, huh kacchan?"

and as much as izuku looks like he believes it, katsuki has the strongest feeling that this is the worst possible thing that could have happened to his once-friend

he just leaves

and he almost runs straight into his new teacher. they lock eyes and even though katsuki doesn't know whats going on, aizawa doesn't know whats going on, they both just know something is happening

and its not good

but what can they do

hes the symbol of peace

recovery girl is 100% in denial bc she new baby toshi and he's a dork but he's a good boy

izuku gets knocked tf out by recovery girls heal and toshi carries him out of the school grounds and shes like "how cute"

honestly they get to they gate, he wakes izuku up and reminds him to run home to get in the extra cardio, and izuku does. all the way home.. not only bc yagi wanted him to, but that's a big bit but bc if he was late hed wouldn’t get dinner

so the battle trial

so aizawa is like,,, : | ab everything

so he attends the battle trial rather than take the nap he really fucking wanted

the kids come out in their costumes and something sits poorly about the way izuku positively preens at almighty compliments. so basically it goes like the show, but allmight doesnt try to stop Bakugo. aizawa doesn't have audio, but he sees what the kids see and rips the mic out of allmights hand to tell bakugo to stop

he doesnt have to, though

because izuku has already vanished from sight

bakugo looks lost, aizawa is worried, but allmight just looks smug because a second later, izuku drops from the ceiling where he swung up, and punches bakugo in the back of the head

allmight grins and it looks nasty

izuku gives bakugo a once-over to make sure hes ok, wraps his wrists, then puts him in the recovery position and scampers out of the room to ochako

aizawa is lost, because that is c l e a r l y combat training. from the back of the room, todoroki starts watching in earnest

with ochako, he grabs the bomb. they walk out of the exercise and all might congratulates them on winning and izuku looks so happy! but allmight isn't done

"young midoriya, why didn't you use your quirk?"

the only people that notice the way he pales are todoroki and aizawa

"sorry sir, i didn't want to disappoint mr aizawa"

allmight nods, and he smiles but aizawa doesnt like it

"thats ok my boy, we'll have to see about getting you some out of class quirk training, huh?"

izuku smiles. hes happy, but he looks panicked

he looks guilty about being afraid

aizawa silently tells his agency he needs the week off to investigate something personal, and they readily give him the time off

izuku mumbles happily to himself about the exercise, stilling when all might looks gazes with him. he stops, flushes, and apologises. allmight nods.

he begins again, but hes not mumbling anymore, hes speaking clearly and concisely with the other students, even though he doesnt want to talk to them, he just wants to think. but allmight says to talk clearly to everyone or to remain silent and he just wants so badly to talk about the exercise

todoroki looks between izuku and allmight and he wonders

USJ time baby

allmight uses up his time, like before

the difference is, when the nomu comes for aizawa? izuku doesnt hesitate to jump in. thats what allmight wanted. he wanted someone so selfless that "would i give my life for them" isn't even a question that would cross their mind, they would just move

izuku stalls. he's shivering and shaking, walking on broken toes but he stands between aizawa and the nomu and he smiles

shigiraki looks at izuku and doesn't see a hero in training. he sees someone like him, like his league. someone who has be stepped on and ruined and reborn

and he wants him

when he sees something he likes, he wants it. like his sensei and his quirks. shigiaki collects people like action figures to use how he likes

anyway, he sees this little 'hero' and for all his stubbornness he knows he won't get izuku today

so he does what his sensei did to him all those years ago

he shows kindness. just enough to break him

he looks izuku in the eyes and says

"hero society is so rotten they break children into weapons to fight other broken pieces. whats fair about that?"

and izuku looks stunned. he drops his smile.

"from one broken piece to another, i wont shatter you today."

kurogiri moves izuku and aizawa just outside of the usj

they cant get in, aizawa has no quirk to break through the walls and izuku is shell shocked

he takes a second to look at aizawa like his world is falling down and aizawa understands.

and then

allmight appears

and aizawa hates himself for how relieved he feels

allmight looks at izuku and izuku smiles so wide. and then he frowns

"they want to kill you"

"they aren't the first, my boy."

and izuku pauses

"they seem pretty sure they can, sir."

and allmights smile looks meaner

"what, you really think so little of this old man?"

and izuku shakes his head violently

"not at all! no, im sorry-"

allmight looks at his student and suddenly there isnt a wall anymore, blasted into tiny shards by allmight’s punch. izuku scrambles inside after him

aizawa tells him to stay outside, to stay safe. but allmight levels a glare at him that almost hurts to meet. aizawa cringes and rushes after them, cradling broken arms

the fight ends much the same, but upon seeing izuku in the way on his hand, shigiraki closes his fist

allmight doesn't miss that

and, with that the other teachers arrive. and again, present mic and aizawa wonder why izuku knows allmight small form

oh also just as a weird powerplay thing, allmight calls izuku by his first name in private while izuku calls him sir everywhere

aizawa has the worst of the injuries, but years of sleep deprivation mean he can pretty easily resist the call of sleep after recovery girls quirk. not that anyone knows that. so he hears the edges of a conversation between hero and student

he hears sobs and a slap and apologies from both parties. he hears a louder conversation on training after class to better use izuku’s quirk and aizawa decides he's going to force himself into this 'training' because he doesnt like the optics on any of this

allmights angry that the villains were fond of izuku, bc that means izuku was doing something wrong, right? and he's also angry izuku barely used his quirk, but he does kinda understand needing to be able to walk still

anyway in the training we get the joy of a creepy scene of yagi assessing the physique of a barely dressed izuku

aizawa isn't there yet and boy howdy does he feel ill when yagi walks out of the changing rooms a few minutes before izuku does

anyway so it doesn't take long for yagi and aizawa to get izuku using his quirk w/o achy breaky bones and izuku is proud, and so is aizawa

but yagi just kinda pipes in with "about time" and izukus face crumples

aizawa just says "better late than never" and izuku gives a watery smile

yagi scares enji but he just royally pisses off todoroki

bc todoroki just looks at the guy

"big strong me, what you gonna do, punch me? yeah right bastard and i'll go screaming to the press. I dont give a fuck what you think you dick of an old man!"

please izuku is totally convinced that this is just normal training, that yagi is doing his best and a teacher, is doing right by him. and shouto is just,,, he doesnt know the whole story. just knows that all might scares izuku and that all mights secretary has a connection to him

but he knows that yagi was creepy enough to make his old man have bad vibes and thats an achievement

Enji sat, reigning back a snarl as the green boy threw Shouto -his Shouto- from the ring, to land on his back in a graceless cloud of dust. Beside him, All Might’s secretary grinned. It wasn’t a nice grin, like the hero, but a nasty crawling one that made Enji feel cold even with his flames dancing around his face.

Enji had never liked the man, his instincts telling him there was something horrifically off about him. But the number one hero had resources he couldn’t dream of, so he kept his lips shut.

“Well done, my boy.”

There was no familial resemblance between the skeletal man beside him, and the boy who stood both victorious and broken where his son should have been. No resemblance to the hulking oaf of a hero either. But their quirks were markedly similar, as were their smiles, if the boy’s was a little kinder.

The man turned to him, all polite smiles and condolences for his son’s loss.

The smug aura around him so strong that Enji allowed himself, for just a second, to pity the boy in green.

Its just tenya and todoroki who know

and quickly bakugo too, bc he was there for shoutos tragic backstory reveal, which included izukus too

and like,,, mic and aizawa are in denial bc jesus christ its the number one hero and hes normally so nice

izuku v katsuki babey!

basically izuku starts to panic and bakugo stops the fight and grabs his hand

"pull yourself together deku. forget everyone else, this is just a fight between me and you, go it?"

and izuku gives a shakey smile, and nods. bakugo releases his hand

"lets start this again, huh izuku"

"sure thing kacc-. Katsuki"

and then fiGHT and its great and its a tie bc they are both so fucking exhausted. izuku and bakguo have to get hauled to their feet by midnight, but both of them are grinning

izuku has trouble w his hero name, like, a l o t bc everything he comes up with yagi says no

but yagi wont give him any ideas eventually izuku just ends up with his hero name being "nine" bc yagi liked that one

katsuki can just,,, tell izuku doesn't like it (bc it reduces him as a hero down to his quirk)

(he wants the name jackrabbit)

he has no supports in his costume bc "it makes you look weak" and no support gear either

ok so , his bones are less fucked than canon zuku but hes willing to break them fucking constantly

aizawa actually comes up to him before the sports festival and says "you break your bones, you get disqualified. no excuses"

yagi is p i s s e d but just nods politely to aizawa tells izuku hed better do as aizawa says, as stupid as a request it may be

also izuku really,, wants to paint his nails dumb glittery colours like ochako and mina do so they paint his nails for him! and then at lunch yagi scrubs the polish off with a dish scrubber

to make it worse, mina is sad izuku took it off, but she just

pauses

when she sees his fingers are almost bleeding

"midoriya, what happened?"

"oh haha funny thing, one of our teachers said i might get a uniform violation so i got a little enthusastic with scrubbing it off, sorry!"

aizawa just winces

one of the finals nails in the coffin is todoroki asking if "the tall thin blonde guy" is izukus dad

aizawa says no

todoroki says "good"

s t a i n a r c

so izuku finds iida and steps between iida and stain, starts fighting him, todoroki shows up, stain starts rambling about how allmight is the best hero and todoroki gives him a strange look

"i used to agree. but seeing allmight at school, i dont think hes the icon of morality everyone says"

izuku is spluttering, denying it, stain is just watching them. so stain isnt even fighting them, hes interested. bc this selfless kid is the one shigiraki wants

iida is lost too and he gets this,,, look in his eyes like he's starting to connect some dots

anyway, fight proceeds, they win the nomu tries to carry izuku off, stain stops the nomu and saves izuku and vaguely he realizes the way izuku just, sits in his arms, like he doesnt know how to react to being touched, and he pushes it aside

and he holds izuku close because all he knows is that this boy is kind and good and the world has hurt him and he says that this boy he is holding is the only hero hes ever worth met their salt

oh but after the hero killer thing, yagi storms into the office and hauls izuku out by his injured arm

and tenya and shouto just feel sick

"should, should we tell all might? about how his secretary treats midoriya?"

shouto just glares at the half-open door, quiet apologies drifting down the hall until they turn another corner

"i'm quite sure that man already knows."

[blookmallow]

and finally, the conclusion of the dark brotherhood questline 

i have been through so much and lost so much but i gained the one thing that matters most of all.....  cicero’s heart 

-----

well

these aren’t the real emperor’s clothes but i have this still,

i put it on the dawnstar sanctuary mannequin with the jester hat lmao

:( my favorite guard friend who hangs out around the shops in the mornings with me is onto me 

hes not hostile or reporting me to the jarl or anything at least tho 

Dont woRRY About It

i did have guards after me for a while (i had. several just go ‘ok ill let you off this time :)’ bc. i. asked nicely. after attempting to assassinate the emperor of skyrim) but eventually just paid my bounty and they were like ok you’re good and now apparently everyone has completely forgotten That Time I Tried To Murder The Fucking Emperor 

anyway after the fucking massacre that happened at the sanctuary i was absolutely Out For Blood

i mean like....... i realize maro is completely justified here. we are in fact a league of assassins guilty of murdering A Lot of people, we very much did make a real attempt on the emperor’s life (and killed his double, who was less important but still like, an innocent guy, presumably)(or even if it was like that death note thing where its actually a criminal on death row anyway, like, we clearly didnt know that) and i did personally murder maro’s son and ruin his reputation, so. like. we are the bad guys in this situation no matter how you look at it lmao but STILL THOSE WERE MY FRIENDS, FUCKER

so i decided to murder him out of pure spite, but. uh

I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO CAUSE THIS BUT I ACTUALLY GOT THE SOLITUDE GUARDS TO MURDER HIM FOR ME LMAO I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

im trying to remember what the fuck even happened here im clearly. underwater, i think maybe i like. confronted him and he got hostile but i jumped off the pier and the guards were like “woah that guy’s losing it” and intervened but he fought them too or something ??? ??  I DONT KNOW BUT THE GUARDS KILLED HIM FOR ME :’) thanks guys 

then after everything we still kept the contract, and... the new plan.... was for me to sneak onto the emperor’s ship before he leaves skyrim and kill him there.... WHICH I COULD HAVE FUCKING. DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS SO MUCH EASIER THAN... KILLING SOME OFFICIAL’S SON AND PLANTING FALSE EVIDENCE AND TRACKING DOWN THE GOURMET AND MURDERING HIM AND IMPERSONATING HIM TO TRY TO POISON THE EMPEROR AND IMPLICATING A RANDOM CHEF WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AND

EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!!! WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED ABSOLUTELY ALL OF THIS. WAS ASTRID GETTING ME ALL MIXED UP IN THIS WILD GOOSE CHASE ON PURPOSE FROM THE BEGINNING ?? ? ? SORRY!!! IM ANGRY

i got all the way here without anyone even seeing me (i used a couple invisibility potions for the really tricky spots, but still) i could absolutely have just done this and avoided the entire everything. god 

anyway i again dont really understand the politics of skyrim but. the real emperor was expecting me to find him one way or another. he had already accepted his death and made peace with it. it was. actually kind of sad. i dont know enough to say whether he was actually a decent guy or not but he seemed like he was. i couldnt bring myself to steal his clothes so i still just have the duplicate emperor’s clothes but it looks the same anyway

i took a war axe from one of his displays though. i dont remember if i already mentioned my ongoing tradition of always taking something from my victims and enchanting them later to mark who it belonged to, but thats a thing ive been doing. little murder scrapbook

im not really sure how murdering the emperor counts as “serving the empire” but sure ok 

i also killed this guy lmao the emperor’s last wish was for me to kill whoever it was that betrayed him and i dont like this dude in the first place so i was like yea you got it 

i built a memorial with the weapons rack in my room in the dawnstar sanctuary

enchanted special weapons for each of our fallen members (left to right it’s astrid, arnbjorn, festus, gabriella, and veezara) (i also later added another dagger for lis bc i had one space left) 

theres also gemstones on the floor beneath each weapon but they keep sliding out of place :’ | 

ANGEL DARLING SONG OF MY HEART LIGHT OF MY LIFE YOU’RE ALIVE

you can see the game autosaving in the corner bc i had Just come out of the sanctuary lmao thats how lightning fast i reacted to this 

[sobbing] baby boy.... baby.... i was SO WORRIED

i murdered the fucking emperor of skyrim bc i was so desperate to continue this questline to see if cicero would come back I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU.....

(he pranked me and pretended he was gonna kill me at first. i almost lost it thinking he STILL wouldnt forgive me but it was ok :’) u got me, ) 

sniffs...... best friends forever........ this is the best possible outcome this is all ive ever wanted it was all worth it for this 

we got our window back!!!!! also ft cicero subtitle photobombing me with his boundless enthusiasm for murder but i forgive him 

oof we also have... a bunch of torture victims hanging around now too :’ ) oh

i kinda feel bad about them but there doesnt seem to be an option to let them go, 

i mean i could just kill them all i guess. i killed one guy to see if i could. you Can. his body is still there. nobody seemed to care that i killed him

I TURNED AROUND AFTER NAZIR SAID THAT AND CICERO’S JUST. LOOKING AT ME LIKE THIS,

i fuckign love this cute little shit. what the fuck. this is such justice too everyone was so rude to him, everyone made fun of him and talked down to him, everyone wanted him dead after he went after astrid, but she sold us out and got everyone killed, he was RIGHT, and now hes the right-hand-man to the Listener who is now ALSO the leader of the brotherhood. he’s basically second in command to the entire organization now and nobody can do a goddamn thing about it bc they all KNOW not to fuck with me now 

i also realized hes taller than me and i dont like it, :’)

im still deciding medea’s taller than him anyway i dont care. she would be taller than the character model is allowing for

he likes to randomly start singing/humming really off key/dancing around its SO cute.... im lov him...............

darling..... calm down, :’) 

hes so completely devoted to me now im in pain

i realized i could tell him to go to sleep and he actually did it the absolute madman 

he gets up if you try to sleep beside him though

i mean. not that i tried that or anything

he stands SO close to me all the time.... i turn around and hes right there beaming adoringly at me. i cant do this 

he kept saying mother needed some flowers so i took him out to collect some nightshade for her n dropped them around her feet 

“whats the point of thievery lol like..... just kill them?????? stupid” 

having cicero constantly two feet behind me jus making cute comments and/or half singing The Weirdest Shit I Have Ever Heard is absolutely delightful 

ur so cute when you’re threatening people

he also hates the forsworn see we’re in sync

I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN

me, the leader of the brotherhood, in full brotherhood armor, with cicero following right behind me giggling to himself about murder:

[bearofohu]

Professor Layton Anime Theory - Luke’s Possible Betrayal (LMDA Spoilers!)

hi guys its luke today i’m making a callout post on luke 

 this is probably the most cursed theory i will ever create and i promise this is pure speculation, i don’t WANT this to happen i don’t think this SHOULD happen i know the layton community will systematically explode if it does so please don’t unfollow me i am a sensitive boy 

summary of the theory: this theory analyzes the possibly of luke betraying layton in the relic stone mystery similarily to emmy based on several aspects of luke’s two appearances in the anime and what we know about the future of the anime so far.

warning: swearing, implications that luke is a good boy gone bad

ps: sorry for the typos im so fuckign tired

full theory under the cut! 

alright, lets go lesbians

me and the bros were talking on the layton community discord, and i mentioned something that has been bothering me about luke, a theory if you will. @officialchampionred summed up my thoughts on my own theory pretty well after i told them about it

i originally was just going to not do anything with my speculation, but i figured since the one i made about luke being kat’s father was so well received, even if i ended up being incorrect, i would take another shot at a theory that i think has a good chance of being realized somewhere down the line

ok so the theory summary sounds like a load of baloney when you read it for the first time, right? well hear me out, because i have several points to bring up that may rattle ur bones. without further ado, here are the points:

1. Luke’s Design and its Similarity to the Relic Stone Thugs In Episode 10

im going to start with one point that several people have caught on with all ready, but i don’t think anybody has ever really tried to connect the dots here. so you know luke’s new design, right? the fedora, the jacket, very cute

EXCEPT

here is an image comparison of luke’s design and the outfits of the men, we’ll call them the fedora fellas, we see that attack by don paolo’s orders in the museum 

now i know what you’re thinking, “that there is just coincidence” or, “THEY MUST ALL HAVE TO WEAR FEDORAS ON MONDAYS” but i assure you, the similarities here are not accidental. there’s just no way. the design team wouldn’t love the same horrible design enough to just use it on multiple characters just cause they want to. there is just no way this has no relevance. 

while some accessories and colors may be different on luke and the men, the general design is still in place, especially with the hat being an exact copy every time. a uniform protocol is being followed here. luke is most likely not wearing choice clothes. this is a uniform, and the men are also following this uniform.

it’s also worth mentioning that even don paolo has a SORT OF similar design change to the color schemes we see in the henchmen and luke

its not entirely relevant, but the red color kind of fits the bill, and i don’t think they would also change paolo’s design for absolutely no reason.

@muzzable also made an amazing color comparison for this theory between luke’s uniform and the fedora fellas, so full credit there! 

this image analyzes the color differences between luke’s outfit and the ones worn by those men. note that obviously its not exact, and its probably not supposed to be.

that’s because this is the shit akihiro doesn’t want you to pay much attention to while watching, and its WORKING. 

this is so in the event of a betrayal it will smack you upside the jaw (my jaws been broken before, it hurts)

now another counterpoint could be, “maybe its relevant but it doesnt automatically mean that luke works with the fedora fellas or don paolo” and you’d be fucking spot on you funky little luke fanatic, but i got a lot more up my sleeve to tell you.

at the end of this theory, we’re going to move to discuss luke’s motives, but for now, we’re going to stick with the essential points. now we’re going to move onto point 2, which isn’t entirely as direct as point 1, but still holds relevance if you squint

2. Luke’s Nervous/Suspicious Behaviour in Episode 10 & ESPECIALLY 20

watch out, this point is the biggest one analysis wise

you wanna know something i noticed about episode 10 and 20?

luke looks and acts noticeably nervous in almost every scene he’s appeared in

for one example, did anybody else notice the repetitive anime sweat drop going on with no character BUT luke in episode 20, ESPECIALLY the closer they got to the relic stone chamber?

he’s sweating in a LOT of scenes, and on top if that, if you pay attention to his behaviour a lot of it is him just looking generally... worried. a lot of people discredit the anime sweat drop as a cosmetic trope, but a lot of animators actually use it to convey genuine fear or anxiety that offers hints to the direction of the plot.

it’s like he knows something we don’t about the relic stones, like he has something to hide, and he gets worse the further they go, like the closer they get to the relic stones the more nervous luke gets that he’ll have to betray the professor IN THAT MOMENT

and hershel isn’t worried or nervous at all because he TRUSTS luke and i know you could be like, “oh but luke, hes just a nervous boy” and thats all fair and good, we can safely say that luke COULD be a naturally anxious character, but these little details and luke’s general behaviour are VERY noticeable once you pay attention to them for the first time, and also the concept of him being a nervous character was never in place when he was a boy with no malicious motives that we’re speculating now

the pattern of looking luke generally troubled is also shown in episode 10, though perhaps not as noticeable as it is in 20.

while they’re discussing the relic stones and luke is explaning the situation to marina (who im pretty sure is not aware of luke’s outside motive), he gets a little nervous and hesitant when they start talking about why he was doing it. layton then finishes his sentence for him, saying it was for katrielle, indirectly saving luke from having to scramble for an explanation.  he just looks OFF.

marina’s face is also the official mood for this post

anyway, level-5 loves using body language in their animations. in cutscenes, the characters often perform actions that define their thinking and their motive. for example, layton puts his hand on his chin and walks around, oh boy he’s going to expose someone. descole slams his hands on the piano keys in eternal diva, oh boy he’s pissed. layton points at someone, oh boy they’re the culprit. 

was luke ever THIS nervous and hesitant in the games, when he was a boy? no, not passively nervous. he was only really nervous in the face of danger. as a boy, he was actually pretty confrontational and confident.

so why act so strange here? what changed? 

luke looks pretty nervous in this anime, oh boy i wonder if there’s something bothering him that nobody knows about

i feel like now would be a good time to issue a disclaimer that also supports my points, this theory is NOT meant to imply, “oh luke’s a heartless bastard he hates layton and wants the relic stones for himself”

i have very little faith in the idea that, if luke is doing this, he would be doing it for himself, or because he wants to.

i’m confident in this theory, but im not confident that luke’s motives are just plain evil, because while his character can change and realistically SHOULD CHANGE, i don’t think he has it in him to just become evil. i think someone’s either forcing his hand (maybe similarly to clark’s situation), or giving him something he can’t refuse in return for layton. 

but more on that later.

now we move onto point 3!

3. Key Hint Passively Given by Picarats 

u guys know picarats, right? the guy that provides us with the streams, my bro, an awesome guy...

a guy that is in direct kahoots with level 5 and knows exactly how everything in the anime going to work out

beelieve it or not, picarats is actually a member of the discord server that i run (https://discord.gg/ZYxmPP) and he posts there occasionally. he’s pretty vocal with our community so it’s really not that much of a shocker that he would give us hints from time to time. we’re true bros. i love u my guy

but that’s not the point, the poINT, THE JUICY PART, the REASON why im bringing picarats up... is because he’s provided us with a crucial hint to support my theory, mainly during the episode 20 stream 

THE KEY HINT THAT PICARATS HAS GAVE US WAS...

LMDA’s storyline, in its current form and in its future presumably, is a  reflection of the events of Azran Legacy.

now this is something picarats DID say, though not entirely in verbatim, during the episode 20 stream. i promise u with every ounce of gay power in my body that he said that the anime’s storyline reflects azran legacy’s.

unfortunately, i do NOT have a screenshot because i was too busy having a psychiatric breakdown in the middle of the episode. if anyone took a screenshot of him saying that, pls send it to me, i will credit and love you forever. <3

that single hint during that stream is EXTREMELY crucial and most likely the most important one, it was one of the things that spurred my thinking about this theory, so essentially

BUT you may ask, lUKE, what is so important about the fact that the anime is supposed to mirror azran legacy?? whats the significance of that?? 

well.. u mere mortal... im about to give you a series of events from both azran legacy and LMDA

azran legacy was an adventure to discover the secrets of the azran, right?

right.

emmy, his loya resourceful assistant and friend of whomst he TRUSTS, is with him up until they are moments away from unlocking the secrets, right?

right.

then, this devastating shit happens.

emmy shows remorse for betraying layton but tells him she was doing it for someone else and wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

everyone dies.

are you following my thought process so far?

now lets go to LMDA’s current canon storyline

layton reunites with luke, who is acting nervous constantly and wears an outfit similar to the people who want the relic stones for malicious intent 

layton, fully trusting luke, leave katrielle to go on an adventure to find the relic stones, a series of artifacts that are linked to the azran.

they go on the adventure and then become moments away from unlocking the secrets of the relic stones

LAYTON GOES MISSING.

thanks picarats, that single sentence you said in a stream has turned me into a conspiracy theorist

are we broken yet? are we all nice and broken yet?? good. now we get to talk about LUKE’S POSSIBLE MOTIVES.

Luke’s Possible Motives for Betraying Layton

now this is yet another juicy part of the theory, and probably where the biggest counterargument might come into play, which is:

“bUt LUkE WoUld NeV ER dO tHAT”

bUT i will give you my theories on luke’s possible motives for concocting a scheme that wild, but before i do, i would like to give u a memorable quote from clove dive that basically sums up the point im about to make:

we, as a fandom, are collectively forgetting that it is unrealistic to think luke has barely changed in terms of personality and motive

do i blame us? no. after all, we’ve known luke as an innocent boy for about 11 years now. 

hino knows this. hino knows how good we think luke is. that’s why i said that his attempt to make us ignore the hints is WORKING.

and like i said, i can’t blame any of us at all for wanting to believe that luke hasn’t changed, but its simply unrealistic. 

as much as we don’t like to believe it, luke and layton have basically barely if not at all interacted for several years up until this point

luke is not a boy. something about luke has changed. 

and this theory attempts to connect just what that change might be.

like i said before, i wholeheartedly disbelieve that in the event this theory is accurate, luke has ‘turned evil’ just like we all believe emmy didn’t turn evil.

they were forced to do it for something that they deeply cared about.

they were forced to betray their friend for something bigger.

and i think that’s a damn exhilarating plot device.

Conclusion 

now you might have guessed that in this point in the theory i’ve gone from being serious into shitposting as my thought process usually does, and also i’ve been working on this since 3 AM, so im gonna go ahead and wrap this up with a disclaimer before you throw a chair at me.

i am in no way implying that this is canon or SHOULD be canon. i love luke and don’t want to see him betray layton, but this theory is meant to purely speculate the possibilites of the future of this anime

in a nutshell...

its just a theory.

A GGAAMMEE TTH E EE O RR Y.

(c) luke’s terrible and scatterbrained theories vol. 2

[brightestwitch333]

he is eleven and he knows he has chosen his own path. as soon as he was freed from them his first act was one of defiance. this will not be lost on them. he hasn’t written home telling them yet but he knows they already know. they have connections. & so he isn’t surprised when he sees the family owl fly directly to him, a bright red envelope attached to it’s leg. he unties it with shaking fingers, terrified of what he knows it will say and at the same time completely unbothered. the triumph of the previous night has not completely faded from his mind, he knew there would be repercussions and had deemed them worth paying. the envelope begins to smoke and his new friend, james, glances at him questioningly. there’s no use putting it off and so he opens it. his mother’s voice rings out, and despite himself he flinches at the sound of it. she calls him a disappointment, a blood traitor, a friend of mudbloods and filth. she claims that he has disgraced his family, that he has forever tarnished the noble name of the blacks. her rant goes on and on and he does his best to appear unbothered, although his face is a sickly shade of white. not until the very end, when suddenly his father’s voice cuts in, does he let his mask down. for while his mother was screeching anger and righteous indignation and terrible wrath, his father is low and cold, hard and sharp. he does not waste time screaming insults but instead, in the quietest, most terrifying voice possible, promises that sirius will pay, and then he whispers in french, toujours pur, always pure, the family motto. & that is what shakes sirius down to the bones. the envelope disintegrates in his hands and he, with all the effort in the world, manages to control himself. the whole great hall is staring at him, and over at the slytherin table he sees his cousins laughing and jeering. they booed him last night. they know what is to come to him. he tears his eyes away from them and instead glances at james who is gaping at him in open mouthed astonishment, his horror evident in his eyes. the teachers are whispering hurriedly to each other, no doubt wondering what to do and how to regain order, a stern looking witch with her hair in a tight bun has her eye trained in him, concern coloring her face. a pudgy little boy is staring at him, apparently not noticing that the yolk of his egg that is dripping onto his lap. slowly the great hall resumes to its usual chatter, although people continue to shoot him looks, intermittently. another first year gyrffindor, a boy with scruffy brown hair, warm eyes and a scarred face, keeps staring at him intently, making him slightly uncomfortable. “you okay, mate?” james asks solicitously, concern shadowing his face. sirius, swallowing down a lump in his throat and wishing more than anything to move past the moment, nods silently and attempts to continue with their earlier conversation as if nothing had happened. james, although still looking sickened, allows it without comment and slowly the pace returns and it is as if nothing has happened. at the end of that day, though, it is clear that something indeed did happen. by the end of that first day, although he did not know it yet, he found another family. a family that would not shame him and punish him and and hurt him. a family that would not send him howlers and thinly veiled threats. a family that would love him unconditionally. james, his new friend who would become his brother. remus, the scruffy boy with the intent stare who would become his lover. & peter, the pudgy little boy who would become one of his best friends. the day he knew that he would lose his family, was the the day he found a new one.

he is twelve and he comes back from summer break with a bruised face and even more bruised ego. he spent all summer paying for the crime of being sorted into gryffindor the previous year and nobody can miss the stiffness of which he walks and the way he pulls his robes around him to conceal his injuries. he can’t quite hide his black eye and busted lip but he manages with the help of James to heal it before any of the teachers notice. he is sullen and moody to his friends and shrinks back when they touch him. but mostly he is worried about regulus. he doesn’t know what to hope for. he wants regulus to join him in gryffindor, to go down the right path because he knows he has it in him. but he doesn’t know if regulus can handle the sting of rejection the way he can, if he can take the blows that accompany righteousness. & so as regulus is sorted anxiety clenches his heart. it seems to take forever, every second a minute. regulus is trembling and suddenly reg blurts out “no!” causing sirius to wonder what exactly he was refusing. after regulus’ exclaimation the sorting hat almost immediately calls out slytherin. as regulus takes off the hat he seems both relieved and doubtful and sirius manages to catch his eyes. sad grey eyes reflect each other for a moment before regulus turns away. it shatters sirius. after dinner he runs after him and catches up before regulus can leave, he asks regulus why he said no. after a moment of hesitation regulus confides that the hat thought he belonged in gryffindor. they both stare at each other for a moment & suddenly brothers are hugging each other tightly, both immensely aware of the implications of this day and both clutching each other like nothing would ever be the same again. & it wouldn’t. but for a moment it doesnt matter and they are just brothers, holding on tight, fearing the moment they’ll be forced to let go. the next day the family owl lands near regulus, showering him in packages and letters of pride and before it flies away it pecks sirius sharply, and rakes its talons down his cheek leaving a bloody gash, no doubt on his mother’s orders. the snub could not be more clear. but sirius could not care less.

he is thirteen and he can’t wait to get to school to escape them. he barely holding on. he’s finally deemed old enough to find a potential suitor and the parties he’s been forced to attend since childhood are even worse. after he failed to show the proper table manners at one such event, his mother made him balance books on his head for a solid 7 hours, charming a stick to hit him anytime he began to slouch. he hasn’t quite managed to shake off the habit and it seems to add several inches to his height. he sulks at the edge of parties, bored and sullen, he knows nobody will interest him. boring pure blooded girls who recite the same poison his parents do. besides, sirius isn’t interested in girls anyways, no the scruffy boy from first year has caught his eye, although neither of them will admit it yet, each sure that they are reading into it too much, letting their imaginations get the best of them. he is intensely unhappy and can not wait to return to school. but school only offers limited relief as the darkness and fighting afflicting the rest of the world slowly creeps in. his home and sanctuary is polluted, gradually and inconspicuously. & so he redoubles his efforts, if the world insists on being darker he insists on being brighter. his pranks get bolder, his laughs get louder, his energy triples. he will beat this world if it’s the last thing he does. & they almost succeed. him and the marauders, together they light the world on fire. they radiate with boundless energy, sirius and james in the lead, remus and peter close behind, intent on showing the world what they’ve got. & so together they practice advanced magic and attempt daring stunts. their bonds of brotherhood standing steady against the weight of the world.

he is fourteen and he has run away from home for the first time, showing up on the potter’s doorstep at 2 am, bruised and battered. he offers no explanation for what happened but they don’t require one. it’s horrifyingly clear. they accept him in wordlessly, for he’s been their son since james brought him home first year for winter break. he stays for only three days, just long enough to regroup and regather himself, despite the pleas of the potters for him to remain with them. he can’t, not yet. & so he returns to the home that imprisons him and allows justice to be served for running away. it is brutal but he can take it, he can hold on just a little longer for regulus. just a little longer. he repeats it like a mantra. just a little longer. once back at school sirius and remus finally find each other, years of hidden tension and pining spill over. they finally allow their true feelings to come out and they love each other fearlessly, with an intensity that suggests they both know their days are numbered. their love lights up a loveless world; the charming heir of the blacks, and the scruffy half blood, the lawless rebel and the broken werewolf, fate tying them together, assuring that their destinies will forever be intertwined. theirs is a love story written in the heavens, but one that will be lost between the stars and the moon, forever floating in empty space, beautiful and tragic, falling through the cracks. remus and sirius walk a parallel line, side by side forever and ever, but destined to never truly cross.

he is fifteen and he has made a dire mistake. he can’t redeem himself for this, and although he doesn’t regret it, not really, he does regret hurting his love. he told snape a secret that wasn’t his to share. snape, the disgusting boy who sought the darkness, the boy who had a choice and still chose wrong. the boy who wasn’t pressured and beaten and threatened into joining the dark side but rather did it on his own. unlike sirius, unlike regulus, nobody was forcing him down the wrong path, instead he chose it willingly. he did it of his own accord. sirius HATED him for it. it seemed so unfair. he had been cruel to them all their school years and he stood for everything sirius was against. for sirius it was personal. & so he told that scheming, vindictive jerk to go to the whooping willow during the full moon. served him right for always being in their business, for sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. he wasn’t thinking of the consequences for remus, of what would happen to him if he had accidentally hurt snape, of how he would feel. he was only thinking about getting snape back, of revenge. but james, stupid noble james, who would save his worst enemy, found out. he chose to play the hero. he saved snape, risking his own neck along the way. and they were all so mad at him. james was horrified that he was willing to let snape die, and even more horrified that he would dare use remus for that pursuit. remus was beyond angry, he was downright furious. he had entrusted sirius with his deepest secret and he had almost blown it. sirius had tried to use him to hurt someone else, and that was remus’ worst fear. peter, too, was disgusted. remus immediantly told him that they were done, and refused to speak to him. james was cool towards him and clearly took remus’s side but he couldn’t bring himself to hate his best friend and so he forgave him reluctantly. the thing was, sirius didn’t regret it if he was honest with himself. he still thought that snape deserved it. sirius had been raised in a black and white world, he managed to escape the poison of his family but couldn’t quite change his perspective. in his mind snape was evil and evil people get what they deserve. simple. but he did feel bad for hurting remus, that was never his intention. he apologized again and again and again. nothing he did could fix it but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. eventually remus caved in, and they were friends again, although nothing more. remus wasn’t ready to go that far. sirius accepted it reluctantly, it was better than nothing.

he is sixteen and he is free but not really. he’ll never be free. he wakes up in cold sweats, throat raw from yelling, blankets twisted around him from his thrashing. he’ll never be free. he finally left them, his family. but they’re still with him. you can cut off branches but you can never leave your roots. he flinches when people raise their voice at him, he shudders at the lightest touch. when he looks in the mirror his reflection mocks him. because he sees his mother’s darkness in his eyes and his father in the sharp, hard set of his jaw. he is still one of them. he never knew of their capacity for cruelty until he tried to leave. he never knew how truly terrible they could be. he is so thankful for james and his family, he can’t even begin to describe his appreciation. he owes them an explanation, he knows he does. he showed up half dead on their doorstep, beaten to a pulp. blood traitor carved across his arm, nothing behind his eyes. listless and broken. but he can’t give it, he can’t bring himself to tell them everything that happened. he can’t even think about it himself. & they understand. they are horrified and sickened and worried but they understand. his friends rally around him and with the potters he truly is free. he truly is happy. he can’t control his blood but he can control his choices. & he chooses them 100% of the time. & that’s all that matters. now that he is free from them he can finally be his own person without fear of retribution. he can finally express his beliefs and values and self.

he is seventeen and he is absolutely terrified. the war is more intense than ever. his brother is a death eater. he sees the mark on his arm. he has failed him, but it’s too late for amends. it is his final year at hogwarts and he is scared to leave his safe haven, to make his way in the real world. school is no longer simply about receiving an education, now it is about training for battle. he is not a student but rather a soldier. & so he trains like his life depends on it, because it does. finally among his chosen family, among his best friends, that is where he is set free. he knows of the war, he’s aware of the consequences and the weight and all of the choices, but he is ready, he is prepared. for him life is black and white, there is no grey and he is ready to fight for what he knows is right. he doesn’t truly come alive unless he is in the action, unless he is fighting for his beliefs. so despite the deaths and the tragedies and the war he still believes. he believes in the ideal, in hope and equality and righteousness. in a way he is naive in his views, in his boundless, unrestrained hope. he looks into the future and sees gold, he sees possibility. he has no idea of the imminent collapse, that things must get much much worse before they get better. for now he just enjoys his last year before he enters the real world, his last year of peace. sirius black will take the world by storm, but the world is destined to have the last word.