#sticking my leggy up. honokas singing voice claim is aimer

[windupnamazu]

you're the only one i wish would understand

ffxivwrite2023 #11: once bitten, twice shy used to mean that a person who has failed or been hurt when trying to do something is careful or fearful about doing it again

Rhea & Honoka. Post-Endwalker. 1240wc. ⮞ My heart is always filled with unrequited feelings for you.

Rhea clings to her luggage as she steps onto the piers of Kugane, overwhelmed by the fragrance of sea salt and the bustle of the port around her as she navigates toward the grand tower in front of her—the Shiokaze Holstery. She'd been told she couldn't possibly miss it and she really didn't; it's taller than any tree of the Twelveswood and its light pierced the thin fog out at sea. That building will be the starting point and home base of her investigation; a one-woman mission, a mysterious case in an equally mysterious land: a search for a person missing to her and her alone.

Her best friend, Honoka Naeuri.

Rhea listens solemnly as the woman at the Holstery counter gives her a flyer with the directions to the town's best inn, pre-booked for her with her sister's coin. After that, she's on her own: Ahnji (or, she supposes, Tala now, even if she's always going to be Ahnji to her,) knows little about the Far East and the people she knows who do are reluctant to give her information on her target's whereabouts. Even Honoka's own sister, infamously gentle as she is, redirected her to speak with their much irritable cousin instead, who probably would have chased her out of their family home if it wasn't for the presence of her husband.

She's in Kugane, she was told brusquely, and after being pointed in the direction of Isari was told to "get the fuck out."

Rhea presses the back of her hand to her brow to block out the sunlight as she emerges from the other side of the Holstery, eyes wide as she takes in the vista of Kugane's skyline. Was this fear and awe anything like how Honoka felt when she arrived on Eorzea's shores and then Revenant's Toll all those years ago? It's a weird feeling, being impossibly closer and further from Honoka than ever before.

Eyes skimming over the plaza before her, her heart nearly stops as they fall upon a crowd gathered by the aetheryte.

She's here.

There's an Au Ri girl on the steps of the aetheryte plaza, dressed in orange and blue in a style unlike this nation's denizens. Pitch black hair spills over her tear-shaped horns and down her back, longer than when Rhea had seen her last and dyed orange at its ends, but she's very much still Honoka and Rhea's heart starts to ache just at the sight of her. As she sings into a microphone of Garlean design it's with a low voice that makes dread and joy entwined plunge into her stomach; the last time she'd heard that voice it was to awkwardly say goodbye.

Her song is in Hingan, and not for the first time Rhea wishes she asked her sister to accompany her after all. What she would give for the Echo right now.

Before she can even consider pulling out her Eorzean Common-Hingan dictionary and starting to parse the lyrics, the song and the show is over. Most of the crowd departs, but among those who remain are four other youths gathered around Honoka, chattering all the while. There's a dainty-looking Roegadyn girl and a peppy Lalafellin woman and a towering Raen boy and a slender Midlander dressed head to toe in black, and they're completely at ease as they pack away instruments. Rhea summons what little courage she has and steps forward.

"Honoka!" she calls. Her best friend turns, surprised.

"Rhea?" Honoka doesn't look upset to see her, but she doesn't seem happy either. "What are you doing here?"

Before Rhea can explain, the slender and tanned Midlander drapes themselves over Honoka's shoulder, pressing their cheek against Honoka's horn.

"Ugh, Dallie, I'm busy," Honoka whines without any real irritation, playfully pushing her… friend…?—-Matron, she hopes this person is just her friend—away.

"Honohono," says 'Dallie' with a barking laugh and in heavily-accented Othardian Common, lifting their chin at Rhea. "Who's the chick? One of your fans?"

Honoka purses her lips, probably wishing this meeting wasn't happening. "Rhea. From Eorzea. Rhea, this is Dal."

"Rhea from Eorzea," Dal drawls, something like realization and frost in their voice. Behind them, the three others hovering by the aetheryte plaza straighten up. "The idiot who broke your heart?"

Rhea flinches.

"Dal," the Roegadyn girl in green calls, frowning prettily. "People are entitled to their own feelings."

Dal rolls their eyes. Or at least, they give off the impression that they do, with a subtle tilt of their head—they wear shades that completely obscure their whole expression, but their mouth's been twisted with a sneer since they first looked at Rhea.

"Rhea is still my friend, Dal," Honoka reminds them. But is she? Rhea never wrote to her after Honoka returned to Doma. Never even asked Kotone to forward her well wishes or begged Tala to ask for her new linkpearl number. If Rhea is still Honoka's friend she's been a piss poor one. She doesn't feel relief at Honoka's own words, only dread.

"I'm just calling it as I see it," Dal says with a shrug. "Either way, Honoka, we got that next gig in a bell, soooo…"

No, no, no. She just found her. Rhea opens her mouth to ask for just a minute alone or for her linkpearl number or to tell her she's got a room at the Bokairo Inn for the week and to please look for her or to blurt out I'm sorry you confessed to me and I rejected you in the most humiliating and hurtful way possible and I was wrong and I only realized once you went home across the world that I was actually in love with you too and I'm still in love with you even though it's been ages now and you have every right to hate me but please, please don't push me away—

"Ray," Honoka says, smiling at her almost as she did when they were those teenage girls in Mor Dhona following their big sisters around and wishing there was more they could do for them and for each other and for the world. It doesn't reach her eyes today. "It was great seeing you."

She doesn't say see you later or be well or keep in touch. Rhea knows she doesn't deserve that much, but she can't stop herself from watching Honoka's back as she disappears into the city, dawnscale tail and orange ombre hair swaying as she goes, far brighter here than she ever was trapped in Revenant's Toll.

"Hey."

She nearly shrieks when she realizes Dal is still there, though the rest of their friends have followed Honoka out of the plaza.

"Honoka still considers you her friend, for whatever reason," says the Midlander, hip cocked out in an easy confidence Rhea wishes she had an onze of. "So from one of her friends to another, that last song was something she wrote herself. Nearly wrecked herself doing it. Maybe look up its name."

"Its name?"

"Kataomoi," Dal says. They press their pointer and index fingers to their brow and swipe away. "Anyway, ja ne."

As they too disappear into the crowd, Rhea pulls out her dictionary and searches.

Kataomoi. Unrequited love.

"I fucked up," Rhea whispers to herself, alone in a foreign land with nothing but her suitcase and her damned pride all stomped on and muddied. She already knew that though. "I really, really, really fucked up."