#stardust crusaders is literally a story about the worst roadtrip in existence to kill your gay vampire half grunkle

[starplatinumnun]

being jotaro kujo must have been insane. you are 17 years old. one day you wake up and a purple ghost is haunting you. all it does is punch people and get you beer. you lock yourself into jail. all the prisoners are scared of you. your xenophobic american grandpa shows up with his psychic egyptian friend and tells you you need to kill your bisexual vampire half-great-grunkle to save your mother. suddenly, you're on the worst road trip in the history of mankind with a frenchman, a dog, an autistic nerd, a psychic, and your xenophobic grandpa with a metal hand. you have to fight an orangutan, a cowboy, a baby, a falcon, and the sun, all in the span of 60 days. all of your friends die

[sorcery-and-stupidity]

I feel like it’s important to add it’s actually the third time, the first being when hijackers took over his oil baron surrogate grandpa’s private jet at age 12, and the second being described above.

The reason the plane crashed this time is because an old man used his magic ghost bug to eat the pilot, co-pilot, and like a dozen other guy’s tongues, and after the first two times, Joseph figured out and then forgot how to fly a plane.

Also, his oil baron surrogate grandpa founded a philanthropy organization that secretly researches Magic, the occult, and other supernatural things. They were the ones that gave you the dog when you got to Egypt, btw.

being jotaro kujo must have been insane. you are 17 years old. one day you wake up and a purple ghost is haunting you. all it does is punch people and get you beer. you lock yourself into jail. all the prisoners are scared of you. your xenophobic american grandpa shows up with his psychic egyptian friend and tells you you need to kill your bisexual vampire half-great-grunkle. suddenly, you're on the worst road trip in the history of mankind with a frenchman, a dog, an autistic nerd, a psychic, and your xenophobic grandpa with a metal hand. you have to fight an orangutan, a baby, a falcon, and the sun, all in the span of 60 days. all of your friends die