#sorry im promoting this a lot i have simply been working on it for like 3 years

[hershelchocolateart]

Happy Halloween! I wasn't able to make anything specifically for today, but if you want some spooky art from me, why not check out my spooky ghost comic @whisper-court ?

It's got ghosts! It's got ghouls and specters! There's an update coming out TOMORROW! There's illegal court proceedings! There's even clown divorce!

It's also on Webtoon and Tapastic!

Look at this widdle guy. They are literally so cute and small? Go see what their problems are! (Lots and lots and lots and lots!) @whisper-court <-right over there!

[zerobaselove]

zb1 comforting you

pairing: zb1 x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of family problems in hanbin's kind of?, lowercase intended, not proofread

notes: guys !! im back !! did u all miss me?? SORRYFKJDH but really i missed writing and being here and interacting with you guys so i hope to be more active again,, life has just been a lot lately aaaa i hope you're all well !

jiwoong ;

to say you were having a rough day was an understatement. right from when you woke up things hadn't been going your way, it only continued to spill into your work day, and that's how you ended up in your break room, puffy eyes after a small breakdown. your supervisor had caught a glimpse of your state and told you to take the rest of the day off, which you happily accepted. you shot your boyfriend jiwoong a quick text, letting him know you were on your way, and you got a worried response. "everything okay?" it read, and you only sighed before replying, "I'll tell you once i'm home."

jiwoong had taken it upon himself after seeing your message to prepare an early dinner for you two. he couldn't help but worry that you weren't taking care of yourself enough since the promotion at your job and he wanted to help in any way he could.

soon enough you were coming through the front door, the smell of your favourite food immediately making your shoulders relax as you turned to see your boyfriend setting out cutlery for the two of you. "you can ramble to me after you get some food into you," he hummed, taking your jacket from you to hang up before joining you at the table. the sudden rumbling of your stomach at the sight of the meal in front of you brought out a chuckle from the both of you. "you really need to take care of yourself my love."

you sighed, knowing he was right. before you knew it you had both finished your meal and had found the both of you standing in the kitchen. "okay now, tell me about your day," he gave you a reassuring grin as you began to recite your less than ideal day to him. the boy listened intently, not interrupting you until you were finished. "okay," you breathed out, catching your breath, "i'm done, and now i just want to forget about it all."

without saying much jiwoong gave you a small nod and dragged you by the arm to the bathroom as he began to run a bath, "you need to relax," he smiled, "take a nice bath and don't worry about anything okay? and after we can watch any movie you'd like." your smile widened at the evening plans. "thank you jiwoong, for everything."

"you never have to thank me my love, ever."

zhang hao ;

you didn't frequently initiate skinship with zhang hao; it was more of his thing, he liked to initiate it and you liked to accept it. so when you wrapped your arms around his shoulders from behind while he was sat at his desk, he couldn't help but turn to you worried. he lightly grabbed one of your hands as he turned to face you. "is everything okay?"

you stood there for a moment in silence before shaking your head. by the response you gave, zhang hao could tell that you didn't really want to discuss what was wrong, and that was okay by him. instead he spun his chair around to face you, pulling you into his lap. you couldn't resist the urge to melt into his touch, leaning into his chest as your head fell into the crook of his neck.

"you're amazing you know that?" he used his hand that wasn't around your waist to card through your hair, "i am so proud of everything you've accomplished." you only lightly shook your head in return, causing hao to keep the compliments coming.

"i'm serious y/n, you don't give yourself enough credit, you should be as proud of yourself as i am." he pressed a kiss to your forehead, causing a smile to erupt on your face at the contact. he let a similar smile spread to his cheeks, "there they are," his hand had now moved to cup your cheek, "my lovely y/n"

"sorry for interrupting your work," yuo pouted, glancing to his open laptop. he simply shook his head with a small smile, "never be sorry for that, there's nothing i'd rather do then be here with you, especially if you need me."

hanbin ;

"hey, whats up?" hanbin asked. without much thought you responded with a "not much." but hanbin only shook his head in return. "no i mean what's wrong love, your eyebrow is doing that thing when you get overwhelmed and you're bouncing your leg which you only really do when you're anxious or stressed. so what's up?"

you didn't realize just how easy you were to read until that moment. not to mention how amazed you were at the fact that hanbin had picked up on gestures that you weren't even aware you were doing. you shook your head in denial before sitting and pondering a moment, "except i guess," you started. "it's just stuff with my family, you know how they are." he gave you an apologetic smile as he placed his hand on yours, rubbing small circles with his thumb to attempt to soothe you.

his question had opened the floodgates as you rambled on about your family and the unnecessary stress and frustration they had been causing you over the last week. you couldn't lie, it felt good to get it off your chest, especially to someone like hanbin who made you feel heard in times like this.

"how can i help?" he gave a small smile, now fully holding your hand in his. "you've already helped just by letting me ramble, bin." but he wasn't having the humble response. "i have an idea."

your brow cocked in curiosity as hanbin grabbed a jacket and his keys off the table, followed by grabbing your hand to drag you out the door. before you could even begin to question where you were going you were already in the passenger seat of hanbin's car and he had begun to explain his plan. "you need to get out, and a nice night drive where you can scream all you want is the perfect plan in my opinion." he smiled at you, handing over his unlocked phone.

"now pick something good, and scream your little heart out."

matthew ;

walking through your front door after work had to be one of the best feelings in the world; letting out a loud sigh as you placed your keys on the counter and took your shoes off at the door. "long day?" matthew asked from the couch, ushering you over to where he was sat. "long doesn't even begin to describe it," you sighed, letting your body sink into the couch, "but every day lately has felt long."

"d'you wanna talk about it?" his bright smile caused a tired smile to spread across your own face, "honestly not really, just wanna spend time with you." his arm immediately pulled you closer into his side and you couldn't help but lean into his frame, resting your head on his shoulder and letting your eyes shut for a moment.

"well that i can do," he chuckled, pulling you impossibly closer to him as he let his finger trace shapes on the exposed skin on your side. there was a comforting silence for a few moments before matthew had spoken up again. "oh, i wanted to show you," he started, grabbing his phone and opening his messages. "my mom sent me a bunch of pictures of me as a kid if you wanted to look through them with me."

a smile quickly spread to your face, matching his beaming smile perfectly, "i would love to," you sat up a bit to see his phone better. some photos came with elaborate backstories told by matthew, which helped distract from the long day at work.

"so wait, you thought you could fly," he eagerly nodded his head, "so you jumped off the couch?" a sheepish grin replaced the expression on his face, "listen, it's not my proudest moment." you let out a loud laugh, the first one in what felt like ages. "how do you always know how to make me feel better?" you asked, locking arms with the boy next to you. "i'm just great like that, comes naturally." you lightly smacked his arm as he ran his hand through his hair.

"thank you my matthew," you smiled, "anytime, my y/n."

taerae ;

you didn't realize how lost in thought you had gotten as you stood in your bedroom until taerae's arms were wrapped around your frame with no words. it was like he had just appeared, and yet you immediately wrapped your arms around him in return without a second thought.

"what's this for tae?" you questioned, your words slightly muffled as you spoke into his chest. "you just looked like you needed a hug," he said simply, squeezing you a little tighter to him. much like before, you quickly got lost in your thoughts again. everything had been catching up to you lately and you felt like you were sinking, unable to come up for air. but here taerae was, like the sun, a glimmer of hope, a breath of fresh air. or maybe an outstretched hand to bring you back to the surface. he was exactly what you needed.

everything hit you at once and without realizing it, you were silently sobbing into his chest. your hands gripped tightly at the fabric of his t-shirt as if to try and pull him closer, or maybe stop him from floating away. the sudden outburst caught taerae a little off guard, but he quickly recovered as he ushered the two of you over to the bed, letting you lay in his arms as the tears fell from your face.

"shh, it's okay, let it out," he lightly rubbed your back. you had never felt so safe and cared for as you did in this moment, and you were so thankful. he let you cry into his chest until you were ready to tell him what was wrong. every once in a while he would move a stray hair out of your face, and one of those times you looked up at him with your glossy eyes and he couldn't help but smile at you, "hi darling."

you sat up a little, closer to eye level now as you finally spoke up, "i'm sorry about your shirt," you pouted, noticing the large patch on the fabric from your tears, "it'll dry, i'm more worried about you." he held your hand in his, "talk to me baby."

ricky; 

you hadn't heard ricky come through the front door, brain too occupied with varying thoughts that left you as you were now, tears streaming down your face in frustration. so to say you were surprised at the sudden worried voice from in front of you would be an understatement. "are you okay? did something happen? did someone do something?"

you quickly shook your head and waved your hand in denial, the other hand coming up to quickly wipe away the tears that had fallen, thought it was too late for that. "nothing like that," you reassured the blond boy, "just stressed is all." ricky got quiet as he made his way to sitting next to you on the couch, turning to fully face you.

"y/n, you don't have to bottle all of that up you know?" he started, placing his hand on your cheek, wiping away the last few tears that remained. "you know i'm here to share your burdens." you couldn't help but smile at the gesture and words. it wasn't that you didn't want to tell him, you just didn't think it had gotten this bad.

your eyes darted around the room, struggling to look him in the eye, "i know, i just didn't want to put it on you," you started, finally letting your eyes land on the boy in front of you, "you have enough on your plate as it." your excuse only got a sigh and a shake of his head as he took your hand in his, fully encapsulating your hands.

"let me be here for you, i want to help, even if it's just being someone to listen." his words were comforting and his tone sincere, leaving you to sit for a moment in awe of how lucky you were to have someone like him in your life. "are you sure?" you breathed out, still worried about contributing to his own stressors.

"i've never been more sure of anything in my life. i will always want to be here for you. always."

gyuvin ;

"hi gyuvin," you mumbled as you opened the door, letting the boy in before turning your back to walk back to your room, assuming he'd follow. before you could get too far his arms were wrapped around you from behind, his chin placed atop your head. "gyuvin? not even gyu? what's wrong?" he spun you around to face him, a confused and slightly concerned look on his face.

you sighed, "i don't really wanna talk about it if that's alright." you looked to the floor, not wanting to see his reaction. due to your action, you missed the new, determined look plastered across gyuvin's face. he was okay with not talking about it, but that meant he had to be the best distraction possible because he hated seeing you upset.

he let you get to your room before practically tackling you onto the bed, peppering rather ticklish kisses over your face as his hands went to your sides, causing you to squirm. a loud laugh escaped your lips followed by a fit of giggles from the both of you. "stop that tickles!" you let out between laughs, nearly kicking the boy in the process.

it wasn't long before you were both sprawled out on the bed, gyuvin's long legs hanging over the edge as you both let a comfortable silence surround you. "gyuvin i'm supposed to be upset right now." you huffed, arms crossing in front of you as you sat up and faced the boy. it didn't last long though as he quickly pried your arms apart.

"and where has that ever gotten you?" he laughed, holding your arms to your sides, "you're home and the day is over, it's time to celebrate!" he was sporting his usual grin as he looked at you expectantly, a small smile cracking at your lips, quickly erupting into the widest smile you could manage.

"see, much better."

gunwook ;

"do you want me to call you?" the text read, quickly typing back a yes as you wiped the tears from your eyes and cleared your throat. gunwook always knew exactly what to say, and you needed his reassurance now more than ever. it was only a few moments before your familiar ringtone that you had set for him blared through the phone speakers.

"what's wrong?" he quickly asked, not even wasting time with formalities. you hummed in contemplation for a moment, not exactly knowing where to begin with the seemingly endless list of causes for your current state. "everything," you let out a sigh, frustrated at yourself for not being able to articulate your thoughts well enough. "okay okay, one step at a time," his calm voice through the speakers was just enough to settle your thoughts for a moment, "start with what's most prominent in your mind right now."

you let out a breath as you started recounting the many stressors you had been dealing with lately. gunwook often giving a hum or small response to assure you he was listening, but overall staying quiet minus some shuffling. you continued your rambles until you were interrupted by an unexpected knock at the door. "hold on wook, someone's at the door."

"you should probably get that," you could almost hear the smile coming through the phone as you open the front door, seeing the boy standing tall in front of you. "do you have to go?" he spoke into the phone, causing you to giggle, "yeah sorry, someone very important just showed up." you smiled as you hung up the phone, preferring to hug the boy in front of you.

the two of you eventually pulled away to sit on your bed. "you didn't have to come over wook," you breathed out, trying to hide the joy that filled you by having him here. "you sounded like you needed more than a phone call," he smiled, grabbing your hand to play with your fingers, "okay, you can continue." he smiled wide at you.

"i would, but suddenly it feels like everything is okay again."

yujin ;

this time of year was always the worst in school. all of these final projects seemed bigger than the year before and the work was piling up on top of needing to study. to say you were stressed was an understatement to an immeasurable degree. and now yujin was hearing about it.

"i just am so overwhelmed," you let out a sigh, finally catching your breath at the end of your rant. yujin felt bad, he knew you were taking on huge course loads this year and he wasn't always the best at advice, but he was going to try his hardest. "well i can help with your project if you'd like." he smiled, fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater.

you shook your head, insisting that you'd figure it out, even if it meant pulling a couple all nighters. "nothing i can't handle," you pushed out a rather dull laugh which only made yujin push a little more. "c'mon y/n, it'll go much faster if you have help." he tried to reason, "plus we can do it at my house and go for ice cream at that place you like down the road after."

you couldn't help but smile at the effort of the offer, "you've sold me." you beamed, "but only if you promise we will go for ice cream." he held out his pinky to you, interlocking yours together. "pinky promise."

and he did keep his promise, the two of you having finished just as the sun was setting. after the hours of seemingly endless work, getting to sit and watch the sunset with your dessert in your hand felt like the best reward you could ask for. "thank you yujin," you smiled to the boy, "i couldn't have done it without you."

he chuckled, taking a spoonful of his ice cream before replying, "hey it's why you keep me around."

[m3loria]

˖﹙ 🌠 ﹚ TOWER SIDE MEMORY.

WHERE yohan thinks his members are the most telling combination of strange.

˖ FEATURING. hong yohan, meliora ensemble. ˖ TIMESTAMP. NOV '19–SEP '22, scene combination. ˖ WARNINGS. swearing, insomnia, mentions of drinking, smoking, fighting, this is not in chronological order. ˖ WORD COUNT. 8.7k ˖ NOTES. happy friday random account viewers, hi jj no.1 yohan stan mega oomf ily btw 😊😊 so i basically sort of kind of plagiarized this because its the oc work of the century.. sorry, it was either this or angst and i can save that for another time!! im an angst lover to my core lowk 💗 i will make these men sad, anyway, warning bc this work is non-linear, i love writing things out of order its so fun 🫶 yohan's the best person for this because hes basically meliora's face and jj wants him so bad 🙂‍↕️ me too honestly (i created him), this work absolutely killed me to write since i debated on how sad i should make each section, not everything is that bad though!! im so sweet cant you see it in my smile 😁😁

   OCTOBER  6  2021.   LOUVIX AUDIO BUILDING

hwan is low maintenance, yohan doesn’t have to be a genius to know that one.

through observant glances and itching from none other than haneul, he figures that encapsulating silence defines his character. when meeting him firstly, he felt just the slightest bit seen. it’s unlike the groups flurry of extroverts who get uneasy when they don’t receive a text each hour, the two don’t even need to have each other’s numbers.

friendship has never been discreetly established, hwan never verbally establishes anything, he implies it through actions, through baked treats and intricately created charm bracelets.

yohan’s gotten a few cookies, he thinks he’s in the clear.

despite the label of ‘hiatus’, he never exactly rests, not when the members decide to leave anyway. resting would equate to doing nothing, and yohan loathes doing nothing, maybe he should write a song about that.

there’s no time for anything, he’s let off promotions yet there’s still so much to do. hospital visits, meeting attendances, so much catching up he genuinely doesn’t give a thought about when he finally passes out after midnight.

what’s the point of being out on a ‘hiatus’ if the company can’t even attempt to get rid of a few unhealthy tendencies? maybe they want to make way for another stage collapse, that wouldn’t be too daunting. sometimes, he feels like they think he’s a machine instead.

the scrawled lyrics appear as more of diary entries than anything, what the fuck is he writing about again? if this is going like it does in that one story, then a guardian angel will appear to him and finish the whole thing instead.

“aren’t you tired?”

or he guesses hwan.

it isn’t as if it’s the first time he’s ever heard a mutter from the younger, there consistently happens to exist silent mumbles in the background of regular arguments. he usually does give his piece, it simply isn’t loud enough to cut through the ear bleeding sounds of fighting.

well hwan sort of is a guardian angel, unwillingly, in a completely unaware manner, but he acts as a preserver nonetheless. he scrunches his nose at the inquiry, biting his wince back at the screech of the nearby chair. “it’s only been an hour”.

it isn’t an excuse, no, it’s a fact, though he supposes any other member would graciously take the aftermath of silence as an opportunity to attempt a scathing rebuttal, hwan remains silent, much too familiar with using the very own words as a response.

he rubs at his wrist, lethargy staring down lethargy, it’s ironic. it comes sporadically on occasion, but he sometimes feels like yohan’s spitting image, yet the degree of timidity stretches.

“that’s still a lot of sleep missing” he laughs, a quick glance at the scribbled lyrics, he pays no mind to them, it’s typically a team effort, which is pretty caustic considering the lack of definitive teamwork between whatever they write. for once, uneasiness seizes his features, concern, yohan thinks in another life, he’d probably be the group leader. “i mean— i guess i can’t talk about that but uh.. this is your break, for, you know, resting?”

“i’ve spent half the time resting”.

yohan doesn’t find pride in lying, it’s simply effective in moments like this, where someone once again stares him down to inquire about the unhealthy behavior he can’t keep under wraps any longer, it’s to quell worries, it’s a brick wall used to at least conceal something.

but of course, someone so similar can probably spot that one, it isn’t as if he underestimates the other’s intelligence, it’s simply the fact of the prospect being a regular coping mechanism.

“okay hyung”.

his undertone is soft enough that it doesn’t physically irk the older, but it almost appears just the slightest bit condescending, at least he has the pretty smile as a sugar coating device. “i can finish this..”

yohan’s right eye twitches, yet not out of irritation. “no, it’s okay”.

okay is about the worst word to use.

“my handwriting isn’t that bad”.

he snickers, he doesn’t exactly expect that one. “it’s too personal, you might go crazy”.

and the excuses are going to pile up until there are none left, until yohan has to surrender his dignity to admit the fact that he’s scared, that his medication does nothing and the claustrophobic studio has already swallowed him whole.

but until then, nobody cares about that.

he shrugs in reply. “the intimacy is an important factor”.

“i’m gonna scrap it”.

this is probably the longest conversation they’ve had, yes, despite the many lyrical collaborations. the act of stalling is easy, and the simplicity clears the anxiety he felt encapsulating him before the younger entered.

hwan blinks. “or you could let me help”.

help should be a word of contentment, but that uneasiness once again settles, longing for solace in the air of a room like this is a fool’s dream, and yohan thinks it’s been too extensive of a period since he’s properly closed his eyes without fearing what would happen after sleep. sleep itself appears to be a dream, he reaches, his fingers just barely grace its curvatures, and then it slips away once hope emerges in a gleam, taunting, fucking shameful.

in his current circumstance, help could be considered similarly, he yearns for such a thing, yet it’s just barely out of his reach.

his glasses are fogging.

yohan sucks his teeth, now he actually does want to scrap the whole song. “i mean.. i don’t know how we— you would do that”.

he isn’t exactly sure they’re a team in his eyes.

“what? you don’t trust me?”

it could be earnest, but it appears more playful, yohan’s sure hwan is picking such words carefully.

it’s actually the opposite, yohan doesn’t trust himself, which is a stupid thing for such a stubborn person to say aloud, so of course he doesn’t.

“not sure..”

for the first time, his responses dry up, there appears to be no more excuses left behind.

there’s a smile, hwan lords his victory over yohan with that smile. “go to sleep hyung, i can finish the song”.

and it’s the simplicity which moves him, has him standing out of his seat, hand instantly grabbing his sweater. hwan’s smile remains, it’s a rare right, and yohan guesses he has the right to be full of so much pride. “was that a first?”

well now he’s just being cocky.

“i guess” yohan shrugs, he doesn’t divulge the imminent fear of closing his eyes which will probably arise on the walk back, a horror not even the solace of his bed can fend off. “one song”.

hwan doesn’t seem to long for any more. “aye aye captain”.

his nose scrunches, but he guesses it’s pretty funny.

   AUGUST  18  2021.   HANAGAE BEACH

kiro’s about one of the strangest guys yohan knows, which is the true surprise when considering his debut in meliora as a whole.

they’re all a bit strange, some members allowing for the peculiarities to shine, others instead keeping them restricted until they have to display such oddities for the sake of content. he’s aware that might be a rude thought, but he still holds love for them, eccentric characteristics and all.

and it’s not that kiro causes him to question his sanity, he has a good chunk of the others to condemn for that one, he’s not one of them.

he’s sweet, through the spontaneous peculiarities, he doesn’t make yohan want to rip individual hairs out of his scalp, he simply makes yohan feel indescribably beatific, it’s something about his smile that earns a responding smile. kiro makes yohan happy even with silence, that’s why he’s strange.

and this, for some inconceivable reason he can’t conjure, makes yohan happy, all because of kiro. standing on a beach to watch the sunrise simply causes warmth to encapsulate his heart, it’s cute.

yohan’s always been an early riser, he’s aware kiro’s practically identical to him in that field. comeback seasons been out forever, yet opening eyes at five in the morning to again face the monstrosity of this world is completely mundane, it’s always been mundane, established as its own feat of normalcy since the early teenage years.

when he sees kiro downstairs, hair already brushed and tying his shoes, he blinks;

“what’s going on here?”

he startles, yohan occasionally forgets the members are always so jumpy, he isn’t that frightening, he’s sweet!

“god hyung don’t do that! i didn’t even hear you coming down the stairs!”

it’s adorable, how he remains the slightest bit neurotic, korean stuttered as he stares him face to face. when they first met, kiro could probably only dream of such a prospect, yohan can still make out a fraction of timidity remaining, but in comparison to last year, they’ve improved.

“sorry” his tongue prods at the side of his cheek. “it’s so early, where are you heading?”

and yohan realizes he does sound a lot like hajoon at this moment. well, he can’t win everything.

embarrassment overtakes his features, it manifests in a red tint which is quick to make home on his cheeks, the tips of his ears rapidly reacting in a quicker succession, and listen, yohan is aware it’s the middle of summer, but the place is also extremely air conditioned, unless there’s some secret furnace he’s unaware of.

“i uh— um..”

take your time, he wants to mutter, afraid of being unable to convey that through his stare alone. yohan’s a patient man, and though time is precious, he finds that the comfort of the people in his life outweigh that prospect. “i usually go to the beach to watch the sunrise..”

yohan blinks, he’s unsure of how the answer appeared to slip by so rapidly, or maybe he should scrutinize himself for not allowing the endless possibilities which exist to spring to mind.

“the nearest beach is almost two hours away?”

“well i uh— i mean, i don’t mind just catching a taxi, even if they’re kinda expensive”.

he hums, observing for a moment before clicking his tongue. “do you mind if i join you?”

his reply is exhibited through the acute physical reaction which corresponds with the titular widening of his eyes, as if it’s a travesty having the company of another human being by his side.

that might not be the case, it may just be the idea of spending time with yohan which startles him, or perhaps it’s the question, the tone and weight of each singular word that makes regular inquiries appear so.. irregular.

“do you not want me to?”

“no, no you can come with i was just.. kinda surprised”.

so they do exactly that; continuously muttering on the way, even with the taxi ride stretching to just before the two hour mark, they happen to enjoy themselves much more than they assume.

“so is this a tradition of yours?” he inquires, eyes threatening to flutter closed from the sheer power of the sun, the rays stabbing at his eyes. his right eye twitches, but he doesn’t fret.

“yeah mostly, when i first came to korea this was one of my first visiting spots”.

a smile tugs at yohan’s lips. “that’s cute” he states, basking in the light breeze of the early morning, the rushing of the ocean filling his ears. “do you always come alone?”

kiro appears to attempt a shot at hiding, averting his gaze instantly. “no one wants to wake up early to watch the sunrise” he whispers.

there’s a singular tick before yohan speaks once more; “if you ever want to, you know i’m always up early”.

“aww, are you offering?” his undertone indicates pleasantry with a hint of genuine surprises, but yohan decides to not dwell.

“i mean— the beach is nice, would be good to get some fresh air..”

kiro laughs. “you need to make time for yourself, hyung, this is technically your break after all”.

“i am doing that” yohan is unsure of exactly why he decides to pose such an argument, tone too gentle to convey any truth. “i can just do that while also spending time with you”.

and he includes the nudge of his shoulder to sell his point, repeatedly blinking at the shine of the sun. “come on, let’s go eat breakfast”.

yohan usually doesn’t eat breakfast, but he supposes today is a special occasion.

“oh hyung, are you spoiling me?”

he can’t help his responding smile. “don’t get used to it”.

   NOVEMBER  29  2019.   HOTPOT RESTAURANT 

apparently it’s a good day for hajoon, and whilst yohan can only assume, it appears the answer for his elevated brightness is clear.

yohan remains the slightest bit weary, not because he’s rude, it’s quite the opposite, he exudes a level of consideration yohan doesn’t expect from a guy he’s technically competing with for a spot in a fresh new group.

their skill sets are much the opposite, but competition is competition, he’s aware he’s gonna debut either way, maybe that explains his natural talent for simple generosity.

and it’s not that yohan doesn’t like him, it’s simply everything else that makes him strange.

which is exactly why yohan agrees to a hotpot “date” as he calls it. he entered the cushioned trainee dorms at eight pm, completely vitalized despite the tenor extending exhaustion. he specifically sought out yohan for a reason which remains iffy, nothing of a sure reply given for the question.

but he guesses that should be the least of his concerns when food is free.

he tunes out for a moment, only snapped out of his daze once the younger begins a fit of complaints. “you’re always looking in front of you, what are you thinking about?”

he knocks as if the older’s head will emit a sound, amused by his responding irritation. yohan’s face scrunches, his fist winding up just for nothing to happen. “nothing..”

“it’s not nothing” yohan is rattled by his chewing, his nose scrunch selling that idea. the younger decides to ignore him, hands clasping together in a silent sound. “come on, i won’t bite, what’s bothering you?”

“nothing’s bothering me i just couldn’t focus”.

hajoon takes in a deep breath, somehow not having his tongue burnt from the sheer amount of food he’s scarfed down, it’s still steaming, yet he doesn’t falter in the slightest. “is it debuting?”

yohan falters, hajoon smiles, god he’s way too good at that. “what’s with the doubt? you’re clearly going to debut”.

at that statement, he earns an eyebrow raise. “clearly?”

“you’re everything the lineup needs, you’re pretty, you can sing, you can dance, you don’t talk too much, companies like that in trainees” he muses, fingers coming to brush his hair out of his face. “you’re just like hwanie”.

yohan finds the words baffling, but he doesn’t display that, simply furrows his eyebrows. “and what? you aren’t anxious about debuting?”

“it isn’t exactly my whole life, this group”.

yohan is jealous. he longs for such laxity, hajoon talks about it like it’s nothing, but yohan’s putting his whole life into this. how is he supposed to face his mom if he doesn’t get into the group? areum? hyeri? yisoo? he’s supposed to pass, he’s the sibling consistently fueled with determination, what would failing even be like? how could anybody be relaxed about such a thing?

or maybe yohan’s simply chiefed by his anxiety, perhaps that’s the reason.

“oh”.

sensing the sudden change of atmosphere, hajoon begins whistling, playing with his chopsticks. “after this, we should go shopping or something”.

yohan’s eyes narrow. “if we do that we’ll get back late”.

he pretends to contemplate, clearly aware of what he’ll say next. “you need to relax”.

yohan clicks his tongue. “didn’t realize you cared”.

the younger snickers, slapping his arm. “of course i do! we’re friends now aren’t we?”

friends, well that’s a strange word. yohan doesn’t realize they had a label for this, hajoon just appeared one day in the practice room and yohan never questioned it, he never questioned their relationship.

yohan realizes that he probably won’t get another opportunity like this with the next year hot on his tail, once the idol life sets in, there’s no longer free time.

he sighs. “fine”.

“great! it’s a date!”

that’s probably gonna be his thing, yohan realizes he doesn’t mind much.

   SEPTEMBER  3  2022.   STYLE ROOM

yohan finds the members’ muttering easy to fall asleep too, the stylists hands in his hair cushioning his falling head.

the heat emanating from the hair straightener is surprisingly comforting, and despite the shouting, he manages a good thirty minutes of slumber before a tap on his forehead disturbs him.

he’s awaken by yet another tap on his forehead followed by the shuffling of footsteps, when he finally does open his eyes, he belatedly misses the absence of the hairstylist’s presence, instead alerted by two muddled voices.

haneul and yaejoon are arguing over.. something, yohan doesn’t mind whatever they’re whispering about. however, he notices the appearance of taro, who awkwardly stands by, seemingly caught in the crossfire, the image causing a chuckle to push itself up his throat.

the two others continue their “intense” argument, taro turns his way with pleading eyes, silently requesting for the older to get him out of his current predicament.

“what did i do?” he whispers, arms flailing slightly as yaejoon lightly tugs his shoulder.

yohan decides to pout for him. he clears his throat, catching the attention of his two arguing members. “you guys wanna know something interesting?” he begins, “last week’s hotel had the best desserts so far”.

and just like that, they begin yet another debate, a calm one somehow, taro watches on in pure amazement. “how do you just do that?”

yohan shrugs. “i don’t know”.

and honestly? he doesn’t.

the two arguing don’t pay attention, but at least the pressure is off his shoulders. he takes a seat in the vacant chair beside the leader, yohan gazes on, observing the anxiety permeating from him immediately, the maknae flinching at nothing in the air. “you okay?”

he doesn’t answer verbally, simply nodding. yohan hums, unbelieving of it all. “come on, you can tell me what’s wrong”.

he still remains silent, yohan doesn’t mind that really, he’s simply aware of how terrible it is to bottle up things like this. “aren’t you excited to go home?”

at the mention of home, taro flinches, flinches in the manner of a cat flicked with water, accidentally dropped into a bathtub in a ruthless prank by their owner.

he’s skittish like that, yohan has observed, he’s got cute eyes and constantly fiddles with his bracelets when longing for something to do, once the anxiety settles in, he plays around with the knots of fabric pressing to his skin.

gosh, yohan adores taro.

“i’m not sure, yoiki is excited but knowing my parents they probably won’t come”.

yohan frowns for his sake, but the news appears normal for him, his undertone doing nothing of a change. he blanks at the information, not exactly unaware of such a thing, simply disheartened for the maknae.

“are they working?”

“it doesn’t matter if they are or not”.

yohan doesn’t meet the members’ parents often, it just so happens to not be that much of a need for him, the members all have their own issues relating to some parental figure, and if that isn’t the case, then it’s probably much worse, stuff he’d rather not get into with the rest of them because dealing with trauma like that does questionable things to people.

his mother appears to be nice enough, she’s simply a massive workaholic.

his mouth dries. “hey, don’t think about that, on a positive note, your sisters are coming, and..”

“and?”

“you have us” he motions his head in the direction of the two softly quarreling. “i’ve always wanted to try soba”.

now that earns a small smile, the pretty stretch resulting in warmth encapsulating yohan’s heart. taro glances downward at his nails, picking at the skin.

once yohan gently separates his nails from the skin, he earns a smile; “i know a few good places” he mumbles, shyly looking away.

yohan smiles. “great, we can go together”.

he blushes, flush with endearment and a hint of budding enthusiasm. “yeah i’d like that..”

he’s unsuccessfully attempting to hide a smile, and yohan has to stifle a flurry of coos.

he simply thinks taro may just be the cutest person ever.

   DECEMBER  23  2021.   MELIORA DORMS

yohan comes to a not-so startling conclusion, haneul drunk is nothing different from haneul sober.

he supposes affection is guaranteed with a guy of that manner, when yohan first met him, there happened to be a distinct fashion of the air. he appears to be fond of everyone, everything, elated by such mundane prospects of life as if it’s his first waking moment on earth.

it’s.. well, kind of cute, in a completely abnormal sense to yohan’s considerably sane mind. he’s never seen the guy without a smile, every waking moment the feat of ecstasy simply heightens, and it appears that extends to tossing back shot after shot.

his face is painted a baby pink, the only contrast being the bright red of his cheeks. it has no affect on his attitude, he’s woozy, one of the few unusual results of drinking to your heart’s content.

“one more!” and when he raises the shot glass, it disappears as swiftly as yohan swipes it out of his hands. he releases a very intelligible ‘hmph’ and gives his best attempt at getting it back, just barely able to control his own limbs. “hyung!” yohan grimaces at the immediate spike of volume. “you can’t withhold shots from me, it’s my birth month”.

what an excuse, the younger about falls off his chair, yohan having to act as damage control in a room full of his other wasted members.

but he unfortunately does not let up, instead wrapping his arms around the leader in an effort to keep him in his place, or maybe the alcohol setting in is just opening the door for a mountain of affection he did not ask for. he snuggles into his side, and yohan has to keep a sigh between his teeth.

“are you alright?”

“i’m tired” haneul mumbles, eyes fluttered shut as he totally, possibly unconsciously, squeezes around his waist, yohan clenching his teeth as his own silent reply.

yohan snorts. “what about the shots?”

he allows for the crack of an eye, then his glance wanders over to the dormant shot glass, lips taking a downward turn into a saddening frown. if yohan didn’t know any better, he’d presume that haneul was definitively disheartened by being unable to enjoy one last “drink”. it’s hilarious, in another universe, he’d be rewarded acting accolades.

“you were the one who stole them from me? you’re such a phony you know what right!?”

lord is he still whining? yohan pats his head in a questionable manner, as if haneul is his son or something, attempting to console him in his drunken stupor. “shh! you’re too loud..”

haneul yawns, pinch purposeful. yohan slaps the small of his back, earning the best glare haneul can give with such droopy eyes, a glower which results in probably one of his fairest laughs in a while.

“how about” he begins, unable to slip from the compression paired with his physical feat of endearment. “you go to sleep”.

“i want water” he immediately demands, yohan again allows a smack on his back, perturbed by the change of his tone in the fashion of an unaltered adult.

“okay fine, water”.

unfortunately, yohan underestimates how much he would sort of do for him, it’s just so the younger can stop hugging him so tight, he echoes in his mind.

but he’s probably lying to himself in that regard, the contracting embrace encapsulates solace he supposes he never knew existed for someone like him.

he could probably get used to it.

   OCTOBER  25  2021.   IOYS STUDIOS

“have you ever actually considered painting much more seriously?”

the significantly strange wavelength of what they can call their “relationship” is probably what sprouted such a question. rae often inquires, he’s curious about it all, maybe he was meant for the stars, when his pupils dilate in his typically questioning manner, yohan can’t help but observe how they resemble constellations he so dearly cherishes.

he used to be scared of yohan, in complete tandem with several of the members, yet his fear was deemed different by yohan’s subconscious. it took one physical clash in the practice room for him to run away and hide, it provided him with excellent laughing fodder for a mere moment, but afterward it was simply strange.

the reason they’re painting is technically all due to yohan in the first place, he muttered to him that it was an “early birthday gift”, except such a gift was hidden from the members because they’d easily chastise him for not resting during his break, hwan already did a good number on him.

“it’s just a hobby” he mumbles, tongue prodding at the side of his cheek as his glasses make a daring attempt to fall off his face, steadily sliding down his nose. “nothing serious..”

yohan realizes he must say that about many things, because byeol’s responding look is reminiscent of many he’s gotten throughout the years when musing about his unserious hobbies.

“you said that about singing too and..”

that earns a snicker, it’s true, but they can’t exactly be compared. yongrae takes yet another glimpse, as if trying to take a look into yohan’s mind. his attempts appear to be futile, and he turns his head back to his half done painting.

“well that was before i knew i would debut”.

“didn’t you always know?”

he likes to ask questions, and yohan enjoys answering questions, enjoys relaying more information to his members in a manner which heightens their intrigue. he’s unsure of why they’re always so curious about his life, he isn’t that interesting in hindsight.

“i mean.. you never know, remember when we thought iseul-ah was in the lineup? we got fooled”.

technically they didn’t, iseul was a fuse, somewhat of a breaking point for the company, yohan doesn’t try to talk to him now that they’ve debuted, he’s sure the other holds back some contempt, but not enough to block hajoon’s number, he’s sure they still talk.

they were a.. close pair he remembers.

he shrugs in reply. “i guess you always just seem to know, sometimes i think you’re a psychic, hyung”.

the way he describes things always irks yohan, but not in the usual sense. he’s invested in the manner of his verbal illustrations, he longs to hear more. “that’s funny”.

his wrist has begun to cramp, he finally sets down the paintbrushes and adjusts his glasses. there’s some scrawled across his shirt, shades of blue he doesn’t recall ever actually choosing, yet they permeate the canvas before him anyway.

“it’s pretty”.

“it’s not done” yohan isn’t a perfectionist, he simply wants for it to be done, the chemicals sneaking up his nose. “i don’t want us to stay out too late”.

“oh, do we have a curfew?” the younger inquires, raising an eyebrow and beginning to giggle at his own joke.

“well you need sleep”.

he snorts, opting to frown at the mere mention of sleep. “how can you say that with little sleep under your belt hyung?”

yohan gets chastised for it often, he finds such a prospect hilarious, consistently getting criticized by his own dongsaengs for his terrible sleeping habits— or, he supposes insomniac habits, he doesn’t sleep much, he supposes that’s why they always point it out.

“i’m just looking out for you”.

yohan wants to vomit, he’s unsure of why it’s taken him so long to verbally utter those words to any of his members, but he really does just want that. yes his members are strange, out there, loud, occasionally they irritate him beyond words, but he does care, he tries his best to verbalize that with actions the best he can.

“how about we just stay a bit longer, it’s not that late” he excuses, he’s correct, it’s only eight o’clock, crossing late territory won’t be evident until it’s at least nine. “you aren’t even done yet”.

yohan’s gaze softens, he guesses it won’t be that much of a problem. “sure”.

his birthday is coming up anyway, yohan will do everything he can for him.

   JUNE  16  2020.   MELIORA DORMS

“and why exactly are you doing this for me again?”

yohan doesn’t mean to exude such a tone, especially with someone older than him, but he supposes he’s much too used to it. chaiya doesn’t mind much, besides the occasional jab at the maknaes whenever they disrespect him as the eldest member, the act of formality is the furthest from his mind.

“you have an addiction” he merely states, and yohan scoffs.

“it’s a healthy addiction” as if that makes any sense, he probably sounds like a raging hypocrite, but that would be nothing new. “better than all the sugar you put into that shit”.

“don’t you swear at me” he points an accusatory finger, yohan’s eyebrow merely raises. “i’m older you know, just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you have all the power”.

yohan narrows his eyes, longing to say a specific something. the eldest seems to understand despite the silence, because he smiles; “you better stay there, not letting you run away from trying something new”.

that appears to be a consistent theming with all of the members. since when did they all just think that? why do they consistently tell yohan the same thing? well.. the ones who’ll talk to him anyway.

they only debuted a month ago, half of them won’t speak to him and most of them seem terrified at his mere gaze, but they all look to understand the same thing.

yohan’s a control freak.

how funny, he just barely recognizes the inner workings of all their minds, but it’s like they all look at him and think the same thing.

yohan enjoys having things remain the same. what’s the point of trying a new thing that he may dislike when the current wavelength of his life is somewhat comforting to him already? he simply stares, blinking at the concoction the eldest is pouring sugar into. his nose crinkles.

“see? you always do that”.

“i like my coffee black” he voices clearly, but he’s not going to listen, why would he? he’s already doing all of this, at least he knows a good chunk of the members are as stubborn as he is.

“i know that” his tone appears gentle, as if yohan’s some sort of baby. he presumes chaiya would be a good teacher in another life, the thought almost earns a smile. “i just need opinions”.

from me of all people?

and yohan doesn’t think he’s.. mean per say, he just thinks that his opinion could possibly anger one. he’ll leave all the blatant insolence to junmin, there’s so much which could spill out, but he decides to actually have self control in contrast to the other.

chaiya again smiles. “i don’t mind if you don’t like it, that’s the point of opinions isn’t it?”

is this how people make friends now? yohan almost laughs, this is probably the best case scenario of such a thing. “besides, there are twelve other people living here, i need to draw actual conclusions”.

he’s simply so cheerful, and yohan finally does smile, a small one, but a smile nonetheless. “fine”.

“see? i knew you’d come around”.

yohan snorts. “don’t be so full of yourself”.

the words hold no truth, bear no genuine weight on the confidence of the eldest, yohan finds it pretty admirable.

he can just deal with it for now.

   AUGUST  10  2022.   OAKLAND  CA

yohan gets about twenty minutes of peace before his door is kicked down.

his eye cracks open, and he heavily sighs at the sight of a familiar headache. kang yaejoon just so happens to be full of energy, a consistent noise yohan begged to not bother him.

“oh fuck this”.

“don’t swear hyung”.

and suddenly, the younger flops on top of him, possibly breaking all of his bones in a singular movement. yohan grunts, but the other doesn’t let up, instead makes himself comfortable crushing him. “is this a guarantee?” he’s somehow able to let the words escape him, glancing up at the younger who appears contended by it all.

“this is how i show my love for you!”

“by trying to kill me?”

yohan is so fucking tired, maybe he shouldn’t have fought to be placed into a group with twelve other guys, his head falls forward and he takes a deep breath into his pillow. he hears the younger snicker, completely overjoyed at the prospect of the older’s misery. “hey, sometimes it works”.

“yeah sometimes”.

“don’t be so mad, hyung, i always knew i was one of your favorites”.

yohan doesn’t even attempt to refute such a claim, he instead decides to make himself comfortable with the situation in the best manner possible, head remaining rested on his pillow. yaejoon mumbles something that he doesn’t try to decode, eyes begging to flutter closed.

he’s disturbed by a whisper; “hyung”.

“yes?” he yawns, eyes now closed.

“am i really your favorite?”

he cracks one eye open, hoping to convey his feat of chagrin with just a singular movement of one eye. “is that what you’re most concerned about?”

“yes”.

“let me sleep”.

“it’s only nine pm!”

yohan typically doesn’t sleep early, but the tour has practically wiped him out, sleeping early is the only thing he can do in order to ensure he doesn’t pass out on stage.

he grabs onto the younger, instead pulling him into an embrace, one leg thrown over the other. “shh, quiet now, i need my beauty sleep”.

yaejoon stares, yohan can feel it despite the fact that his own are closed. “wow, you wanna lay with me? always knew you had a crush on me”.

“shut up”.

“alright hyung”.

he may talk his ear off the whole entire night, but yohan decides that such a prospect might just be the slightest bit comforting, even if irritating.

   AUGUST  6  2022.   LOS ANGELES  CA

the longer yohan spends time with him, he realizes there are many similarities between him and kristian.

it goes past the amount of siblings they have, their equal adoration of cats, unhealthily taking in much caffeine, being much introverted, often on the side when the groups arguing.

he really didn’t recognize how much the younger is basically him in a skewed font, glares and all.

los angeles is the first stop on every american tour, yohan didn’t mean to study it, he’s just always around once the staff begin muttering about future plans, barely alerted by his presence due to his silence. that’s where kristian was born, he doesn’t often talk about it, not even to jaehwan, who he practically talks about everything to.

yohan’s only aware of one thing, a thing he’s aware of once it comes to most of the members; he’s got a complicated relationship with his parents.

not the first time with a member in this group, he makes occasional passing comments about how they’re probably crazy, doesn’t go much further than that.

he’s clearly been weary of coming home, in a fashion that’s typically uncharacteristic of him, his usually tranquil manner disturbed for possibly the first time since yohan’s met him.

and now he’s grabbing his jacket, heading out.. somewhere.

“where are you going?”

he produces the closest thing to a ‘hmph’, scoffing at the prospect of nothing. “my parents called for a reunion dinner because they heard i’m here”.

yohan blinks, studying the younger for a while. he doesn’t care what the members do after hours, he’s simply concerned about what reunion dinner entails. “and you’re really going?”

the younger shrugs, even with disquietude coloring his features, he wants to appear completely unscathed by such news. yohan again narrows his eyebrows, it’s easy to spot such a facade when you’ve had one up so many times yourself. “my siblings will be there anyway”.

“but your parents..”

he doesn’t finish.

kristian simply stares, attempting to look unbothered despite the clear lack of satisfaction emanating from him in all. yohan yearns to give him a hug, for some unusual reason, he wants to tell him everything is going to be okay, which makes no sense because the younger seems to despise hugs if they aren’t from his favorite person.

he pushes down such thoughts. “doesn’t matter, i’ve dealt with them before”.

you shouldn’t have to.

yohan really does care, he feels like hajoon, constantly babying the members even if they can reasonably afford to take care of themselves. with the way the younger stares, he can practically tell what yohan is thinking.

“don’t you think you should stay?”

yohan is really trying.

he tilts his head. “do you want my company or something?”

“no.. i’m just worried about what might happen”.

“well if i don’t come back then you’ll know they killed me”.

yohan deadpans, but the slightest snicker leaves him. that was pretty funny.

“if you need me to come pick you up i will”.

“you’re too sweet”.

it isn’t said like an insult, not in the manner it usually is, that makes yohan the slightest bit glad. “don’t get sappy”.

“i was saving it just for you”.

yohan scoffs, but there is nothing genuine behind it.

   APRIL  30  2022.   DOWNTOWN SEOUL

yohan never thought he was anybody’s favorite member, mainly because he’s always perceived himself as pretty unapproachable,

but it appears jaehwan enjoys differing with him even when he doesn’t specifically utter it.

and how he drew an impatient blabbermouth to his side will always perturb yohan, he seems to attract a completely contrasting crowd, which includes over half of the meliora members. jaehwan woke up early for possibly the first time ever (despite his day typically ending at nine pm, he’s always out untimely) and dragged a groggy yohan out of the house. the taste of toothpaste still fresh on his tongue, he barely had time to adjust.

“what’s the point of this exactly?” the younger appears elated by the sight of displayed baked treats. he’s always so happy, joy caused by even the slightest of things.

jaehwan continues bouncing up and down as he seemingly contemplates on what to get. “i just wanted to go out, you know you’re my favorite right?”

yohan is unsure if his heart should swell at such a fact. “oh? i thought it was kyuhyunie”.

it technically is, no matter how much it changes, jaehwan will always have a specifically special place in his heart for ahn kyuhyun mostly. yohan doesn’t mind, it’s not much of a pressing matter.

jaehwan frowns, feigned offense in the stretch of that downward turn. “things can change”.

well they usually don’t.

“do you want macarons?”

at the question, jaehwan plays at thought, though his choice appears completely avowed, yohan still squints his eyes anyway. well, he could probably pass that over with the reason that he left his glasses at home, what would jaehwan know?

the younger smiles, bright, all teeth present in the frankly pretty grin. “absolutely, do you not want macarons?”

he shrugs. “i don’t know..”

they do end up getting macarons, several flavors available yet all of them tasting the same to yohan. maybe he doesn’t allow for too much focus, perhaps he should’ve allowed the specific tastes to linger on his tongue, then he would’ve enjoyed them much more than it appeared.

jaehwan drags yohan by hand around downtown seoul for the filler of the day they have time, comeback preparations begin soon and it seems he just wanted to spend time with his “favorite person” (his words, not yohan’s, though the consistent smiles he earns are invigorating enough that he has no rebuttal), something of a mystery to yohan.

“how do you plan to afford this?”

“you mean how do we?”

yohan’s eyes narrow, his vision somewhat blurry as he eyes the miniature figures jaehwan appears so entranced by. they pose nothing of a interest to him, not in the manner they clearly do to jaehwan, but he keeps his mouth shut.

“i don’t want any of this”.

okay, not shut for long enough.

jaehwan pouts, is he really sad? that’s ironic.

“can’t you do me this favor?”

his eyebrows pinch together, is he serious? yohan about laughs at such a thing. “i got you macarons”.

“macarons cost nothing!”

“so why didn’t you get them yourself!?”

he opts to not answer that question, instead taking ahold of yohan’s arm and lurching him forward, out of the titular store.

his feet may have begun to swell, he’s unsure.

he doesn’t exactly long for home, a certain someone just so happens to be weighing in on his conscience, he surmises that going out is better than facing a member who causes his eye to twitch erratically, even if leftover mushy feelings remain constant.

“this sugar intake is unhealthy” yohan ironically bites into an abnormally large chocolate bar as he inquires on such a thing.

“you need it after all, you don’t eat any sugar!”

“i do, healthily”.

jaehwan snorts. “healthy is a fake word, nothing’s healthy at the moment”.

“how deep”.

“i’m being serious” he earns a mere shoulder nudge as his response. he narrows his eyes, vision obscured with the lack of his glasses present. “don’t fight, okay? i don’t want you two to be mad at each other..”

and maybe, for a specific purpose, he’s allowing for the words to escape from the sheer kindness of his heart.

“i’ll try”.

by try, he means he might just have to bottle it all up again, maybe avoid him consistently in the fashion he has since after chuseok, but it technically would be trying.

“no more avoiding him either”.

damnit.

well, yohan can’t do anything else now.

   SEPTEMBER  9  2022.   SCOTIABANK ARENA

they’re about two hours into rehearsal, the complaining begins as soon as the threshold is crossed.

haneul exceedingly whines about the heat, then suddenly jaehwan is endlessly complaining, chaiya is attempting to stare into the sun and yaejoon wants water.

yohan is aware in these kinds of situations he’s supposed to sport a whole responsible leader attitude about the whole thing, but he can’t find the air to care, a hand combing through his hair and lethargy sinking him to the ground.

“let’s take a break now!”

well yohan’s glad he didn’t have to utter it.

he grabs a spot in one of the corners, eyes closed as he allows for his head to comfortably snuggle against the nearby stage equipment. it’s possibly dangerous, though that happens to exist on a further plane of his mind.

he gets distracted when he feels the irking sensation of a presence beside him, a presence which has his eyes narrowing despite them being fluttered shut.

now yohan is unsure of much regarding canada and its specific climate, he doesn’t have enough time to delve into that one, however, the heat typically dissipates around early september, that is not the current wavelength of the weather.

when he cracks open one eye, he’s met with kyuhyun attempting to keep himself awake despite his head begging to be let down so he can doze off. yohan’s perceived his unusual bout of weariness these days, not that every member is not extremely tired over the soul sucking mindscape of a tour, but energy 24/7 kyuhyun suddenly becoming not so talkative should begin ringing alarm bells.

“you need to sleep”.

and yohan supposes he’ll just always be a raging hypocrite, sleep just so happens to be his worst enemy in the world.

kyuhyun turns his way, a seething exhaustion gleaming in his pupils. yohan blinks, he so yearns to give him a hug, he just.. he just looks like he needs one, looks soft, probably feels soft too.

“ouch, do i look that bad?”

yohan chuckles, poking his cheek as his lips take a downturn. “you look like you could use better time”.

kyuhyun scoots closer and makes his head comfortable on his shoulder. yohan longs to question the wavelength of his actions, but he opts for silence as a response. typically, kyuhyun could not resist blabbering, extroverted tendencies carried throughout no matter what.

today appears to display a couple of differences.

“maybe you should stack up on the caffeine” yohan sports, amusement elevating his words.

kyuhyun offers a snort, though deflated. “ki would kill me, you know, i used to be crazy for iced coffee, she’s practically keeping me alive”.

“an energy drink once in a while isn’t terrible”.

“you can’t talk hyung” he rebuts, not scathing, tone much too gentle for the perceived insult seemingly delivered. “your blood may as well be replaced with caffeine”.

“it has some good effects”.

“sounds like something an addict says” kyuhyun unconvincingly laced their hands together, a figurative embrace that surges warmth despite the hoisted heat in the surrounding air. “kiarra would faint”.

yohan furrows his eyebrows, somewhat offended by the certain insult. “well if you attempt it in a healthy manner, it won’t be as bad”.

kyuhyun sighs heavily, supposedly on the brink of dozing off, yohan guesses no energy drinks shall be bestowed upon him, he may as well just fall asleep before they can finish rehearsals.

yohan pokes him again. “go sleep, you’ll be able to catch up tomorrow”.

kyuhyun scoffs, clearly attempting to rebut that claim, unfortunately, yohan’s much more stubborn than he is.

“go”.

“okay!”

kyuhyun’s nose scrunches, but it’s clear he needed that either way.

   SEPTEMBER  21  2021.   GWANGJU  SK

junmin somehow agrees to celebrate chuseok with yohan’s family and he basically has a mini heart attack at the fact.

he suggested such a thing for a blatant reason, he really really knew the extent of junmin’s parents behavior. yejin is constantly at the forefront of his mind, she’s just a kid, barely recognizes the reality of her situation and much too young to even attempt a shot at independence.

he isn’t exactly sure of why he so wanted to, he wasn’t aware the other members had plans. haneul definitely would’ve invited him, hajoon as well, shit, maybe even rae if he wasn’t holding fear back from clashes in the practice room. he took that as a challenge, it wasn’t one, who was he even competing with? himself? his sane mind that tells him to not continuously do this to himself?

when he inquired about it to junmin, the younger just stared. they had been.. well, what they were was complicated at the time. there was no semblance of bad blood, not any that yohan is aware of, he so wishes he could read junmin’s mind, he embroils things in confusion, yet yohan yearns for his presence no matter what.

“you could bring yejin too” he recalled saying, striving to appear mundane enough. “i know you want to”.

well yohan doesn’t know enough about what exactly junmin wants.

god he hates him.

actually, he doesn’t.

he presented a good enough smile. “sure”.

sure, yohan held solace in that one singular word for the week coming up to going home. he never forgets anything, but the mere idea of having to disclose such information to areum and hyeri kills him for the duration, his own head pounds at that.

oh, you’re bringing your boyfriend back home?

not my boyfriend.

she taunts him about it even with the most silent of mutters.

thankfully, possibly because the world decided to hand yohan a single favor for once in his untouched fucking life, his siblings are much too caught up with pampering the house’s newest baby to observe yohan’s impending impatience.

junmin easily slides into the cracks with such perfection yohan wants to die. he’s good at listening and he has a nice smile, yohan’s parents adore him at first glance, yisoo allows for his thumb to continuously point backward; you’ve hit the jackpot!

yohan hasn’t hit the jackpot, he would never call himself a coward, he isn’t, he really isn’t, on most occasions he would simply face a trouble like this head on instead of displaying a terribly manufactured facade.

“don’t get your feelings hurt, han”.

hyeri always says this without any additional context, but yohan isn’t in need for a situation like this. his nose crinkles, and she crushes a dormant cigarette under the heel of her boot. he presumed she quit, he guesses she lied about that fact to mom.

“i won’t”.

who is he kidding?

she does that invasive stare thing, her eyes narrow in complete judgement, she could never be ambiguous, nothing of dubiousness when it’s all scrawled over her features 24/7. yohan constantly feels surveilled under her gaze, when she finally calms the eyebrow raise, she sucks her teeth, teeth drawing blood from where they sink into her bottom lip. “i’m sure your members would believe that one”.

he opts to leave that one unanswered.

junmin doesn’t bring anything up, and yohan’s grateful he remains silent because dad and mom would probably freak if they found out what he was doing behind the scenes. he loves them, but they retain too much of that worry they constantly weighed down on him during his childhood.

“you’re making fun of me”.

“i’m not”.

“you are” yohan clears his throat, chin tilted up in a stubborn display of.. something. “i didn’t decorate my childhood bedroom, you know”.

junmin frowns, cracking his knuckles in his typical i just need something to do fashion. “the color scheme is simply funny, and you used to be so cute!”

yohan guesses he likes it sometimes, enjoys the fact that junmin has that somewhat exuberant switch whenever he’s with him alone. it’s such a selfish thought, yohan surmises he’s probably a pretty selfish person when it comes to the current circumstances.

he doesn’t mean to be, he simply can’t help it.

“could you not? those photos are essential for keeping memories alive!”

and then they bicker, it’s always the same between them, yohan finds comfort in that.

it all went fine, yejin is an absolute angel, areum wants to keep her around forever, she formed a strong ass attachment in just seven hours, yohan’s sure she’ll sign adoption papers straight away.

“he should come around next year too” his mother whispers once most are out of view. yohan pauses, blinking, throat drying up in an aberrant manner, he winces, accidentally turning the water much too high, he might’ve just burned his own hand unconsciously washing the dishes. “i like them both, they’re the sweetest”.

yohan might as well just die.

“i mean—” he swears at himself, how do you disagree with your own mother? “i can see if he wants to again..”

then it’s over, areum has to begrudgingly let yejin go and hyeri continues giving him that look. yohan isn’t leaving just yet, technically, he has a sure fire break until the company decides to shove him back on stage, mental wellbeing better or not.

“think they just found their new favorite” areum made yejin a gift, hair tied into twin braids and decorated with bows. she’s adorable, yohan is aware of how the easy devotion formed.

“she’s gonna want an invite next year”.

yohan frowns, playful, nothing real. “you don’t sound glad”.

junmin shakes his head. “no no your siblings are nice”. he looks down at the floor, hands clasped with his sisters. “i guess i wouldn’t mind”.

yohan wants to jump at the fact, that’s pretty pathetic of me.

“could you call me when you get off the train?”

and listen, yohan’s always been a little self destructive, he’s going to get hurt in the future, maybe he’ll cry, bite off his nails in anxiety, hate himself,

but it feels so good now, he’s afraid he can’t help it.

“of course, that’s no problem”.

[tonydaddingham]

hello! first of all i really, really love your metas and it's such a joy to read them ❤️ i'd be very interested to know what you think aziraphale's smile in the elevator meant? i've been a bit baffled by it for a long time and i just cannot come to a conclusion. sorry if this has been asked before/you've already written about it!

hi anon!!!💕 that's really kind of you to say, thank you!!!

so i did indeed answer a similar ask, but it was a while ago now, so ive just reread through to see if my opinion remains the same (oftentimes it frankly varies with the wind), and im still reasonably of the mindset that his smile is aziraphale coming up with a plan/doubling down on some kind of 'im not here to go along with your plan, im here to make a difference'.

now a lot of that conclusion does hinge on my personal thought that aziraphale is aware that metatron is trying to play him, that there is an unspoken threat or intimidation going on, and that aziraphale has just gone through the FF thinking he has no choice but to go back to heaven, lest he (and crowley, potentially) be put in danger if he doesn't. imo he's entered the FF with the mindset of 'making a difference', bc if he doesn't have a choice in the matter, he might as well go and instead further his own agenda whilst he's there. but do it with crowley, because they're on the same side.

essentially, i think aziraphale is speaking throughout the whole FF in a way that doesn't tip off the metatron that he's anything other than heaven's man, and also speaking in a way that doesn't alert crowley to the situation that they'd be in if aziraphale were to refuse the promotion. the blindside is that crowley understandably refuses to come with him, kisses him as a last-ditch attempt for him to stay, and leaves when aziraphale deals the killing blow - and the metatron drops the bombshell that is the second coming.

so when he's in the lift, you visibly see him start to panic - one last look at crowley, deep breath, and into the lift, all before he starts to breath heavily through his mouth, face lax in shock, etc. but as we hit the credits, he's stiffened up, gotten himself under controlled, and schooled his face.

frankly, i find these expressions way more alarming than the ending smile itself, but i genuinely think it's aziraphale running through everything he knows in his head, attempting to sift through possible ways in which he can make his first step, whilst keeping his expression as calm and collected as possible infront of the metatron. kinda like a game of chess - white has made its opening move, and he's running through all the different responses that could set the foundation for the entire match. i see aziraphale as a very capable analytical thinker, so - for me - this tracks.

and then it all culminates in one final moment:

his head tips back, his eyes actually move and flit around (as if he's had a eureka moment), and the tightness in his face - particularly around his eyes - relaxes. now, i don't necessarily think aziraphale suddenly has it all worked out, not at all, but whether it's him working out at least the first move he can make, or him simply steeling himself after a thorough pep-talk that he's going to see this farce through, either way - i see it as a dangerous smile. crowley told him in ep2 that he's an angel that goes along with heaven as far as he can, and aziraphale kinda knocked on the door of that at the end of s1 - enough to want nothing to do with them as we enter s2 - but i think this moment, and everything that just happened, just might be his actual tipping point.

[harmonaesthetic]

i know this is such a strange question to ask and im actually sorry im asking this because of how stupid and useless this question is but i dont know who to ask. i havent changed my room like paint it or get new furniture for it since i was 6 , i live with a disabled mother who can only stand/walk for like 20 minutes and i couldnt do it by myself so ive never been able to change my room. i have the option to change it now and i have a large budget to do this. im going to paint my bathroom and my bedroom and buy a new bed, decor, desk all that stuff but i dont know if i should do my room to look very similar to violet’s or just do a very basic “modern” room ( obviously i couldnt do it exactly like violets considering her room decor is from more than a decade ago ). i really couldnt change it after i make this choice id have to repaint, buy all new furniture etc and i cannot make up my mind it is literally tearing me up as i cant even answer where i want to eat for dinner 😭. with a room like violets i would have my absolute dream room but my friends would make fun of me, it would be slightly more expensive and im so worried ill change my mind like what if i dont base my whole personality on violet anymore?? and with the plain room i wouldnt love it and it would be very boring but i wouldnt get made fun of and i would be able to add more in it ( tv, vanity etc) i just dont know what to do because thats a lot of money to spend to want to change it in a year or two no matter what style room i choose . im so sorry for asking this ridiculously stupid question!

This isn't a stupid question whatsoever and there is no need to apologize! You definitely came to the right place because I love design and being economical.

First of all, if your friends belittle you for your tastes they are lousy friends. When they do that shut them down. Tell them to stop because it makes you feel bad or simply give them the silent treatment. The latter I usually use and it works.

Secondly, you need to remember you don't have to get everything at once. It is like building any collection; it takes time and patience.

I think Violet's bedroom paint color is neutral and can go with just about anything. I wouldn't go with a darker paint color because your environment affects your mood. It will be like a cave. While white or grey works well I think it is overdone and resembles a hotel lobby.

In order not to break the bank with capturing Violet's aesthetic, you need to look in the right places. A large amount of her furniture was found in antique thrift stores. Find thrift stores or markets near you. They will be significantly cheaper than Etsy or Poshmark. You can also try out Ebay, Poshmark, or Facebook Marketplace. Make sure the seller is well rated, though.

But I have to address something important; you mention basing your whole personality on Violet, I discourage that because you will lose your own identity in the process. Additionally Violet herself would promote staying true to yourself and not changing for anyone.

Now I have a few questions because I really want to help you:

how big is your room and do you know the dimensions?

would you like me to post pictures of Violet esque bedrooms?

would you also like me to post links to stuff (dupes and exact furniture)?

[terraliensvent]

I’m sorry put the op was right about them being human beings with thoughts and feelings. Did it come off to strong? Yes. But the fact you have to put the glaring issue of they can’t take criticism as your stance isn’t even a viable way of proving your point as there have been clear efforts to change things in the community as of recently. Now that Temul is in charge of the group!

Not saying the fair of amount of criticism isn’t justified. In fact there is always room for improvement and it should be heavily encouraged.

But shouldn’t mods be people you trust? Not total strangers? but active community members who become good acquaintances with staff? No seriously. I’ve been spectating the server since July of last year and half of those people didn’t even know each-other til they met on the server. Some of them aren’t even friends til being asked to join. And so what if they’re friends? That means they’re a trustworthy candidate that can be vouched for.

It’s actually insane how people will just assume the worst out of a situation without any definitive answers but purely based on their pre-decided judgement of others. Which is a huge issue right now especially with cancel culture.

I can’t even begin to explain how entitled half the people in closed species communities are because half of the problems stem from the people themselves. Now this is a vent blog and it’s meant for voices to be heard. That much is obvious. All you need to know is change doesn’t happen within a week. It takes months so don’t assume the worst in situations or you’re gonna stay bitter in these communities when you eventually quit.

Stay safe and touch grass 👍

post related

i feel like youre neglecting to acknowledge the full range of points i made in my last response.

yes, theres change happening within the past 2 months, but theres also things to have gripes about. im glad things are seeming to move toward getting better, but at the same time that shouldnt deflect from the fact there are still things to be worked on

i understand theres the big rework happening right now with stuff, but for transparency’s sake im not going to give points for things that arent completed. you can say youre working on things, but until i can physically see them and be able to make a judgement on the effectiveness of implemented changes, im not going to comment on them because i dont want to have to retroactively edit my perspective.

also, “mods are making changes” and “mods cant take criticism” arent mutually exclusive. the changes being made currently are a result of the work getting too hard for them with design approvals because they were SO nitpicky and people actually started to complain on a large scale. but as seen in the suggestion forums, not a lot of suggestions seem to be really introspected on. ive seen so many solid ideas that work for other large species just be totally tossed out because “its too much work for mods” but yet when more mods are hired, they dont seem to be doing really any work.

which brings me to my next point, i said in the last post i would have been more forgiving about all the mods being in the same clique if it werent for the fact that the new mods never seem to be doing anything besides promoting commissions. quality of life improvements are constantly denied because the workload is “just so difficult” but then you never actually see evidence of extra hands being used to make big change. again, if you keep adding people do the mod team it should not be taking weeks to get a MYO design approved.

im gonna barely entertain the last bit of your ask simply because it comes off as intensely patronizing to me. are we really talking about cancel culture when the issue at hand is “terra staff are bad at taking criticism?” it comes off as very much “holier than thou” mentality when you call others entitled for daring to say they dont like the way things are run. change takes months, yeah, but thats when you actually DECIDE to change and not shrug it off because “work hard :(“ dont put yourself on a pedestal just because youre more dismissive of things than others

[nat-20s]

8 for jmart?

#8- constantly cheacking their messages for words from the other

what else was I gonna do? here's some classic ol' season 3 pining babey

Hello Martin. This is Jon. I have gotten a new phone after losing my last one, please put in the new number.

It's a simple message. Straightforward, factual, and utilitarian. There is no reason that pressing send should make his heart race. There's especially no reason that the second he sends it off, he's tempted to lie on the deeply uncomfortable, likely bedbug infested motel mattress staring at his screen until he gets a response. Sure, he's sick of being overseas, and he's sick of being so isolated, and he's sick of running, but he's not...desperate for what little companionship can even be provided by words on a screen.

He does miss Martin, though. He misses Tim as well, but in a manner that's significantly more complex and knotted than the simple desire to be around him.

God, when did he start wanting to just be around Martin? He started being aware of that want when he was at Georgie's, but he has no idea when the want itself actually started. That was probably something he should examine. Technically speaking, that is something that he has time to examine, but he doesn't want to examine right now. Right now, he wants the comfort of perhaps one of the only people out there that doesn't want to kill him, or use him, or both.

Martin, whether through somehow sensing Jon's discontent from nearly 4000 miles away or, more likely, through a general dutifulness inherent to his character, only takes a few minutes to reply. Oh good! it'd been a little bit since hearing from you, we were somewhat worried. putting you in my contacts as we speak :)!

Saying that "we" were worried is almost certainly generous on Martin's part, but Jon feels no need to point that out. Instead he turns on his side and stares at the phone. He particularly focuses on the smiley face, ridiculously charmed by the fact that, despite everything, Martin hasn't lost his predilection for emojis. Two years ago, he would've rolled his eyes, maybe thought something snide about professionalism. It wouldn't have been fair, as Tim used to do the same thing and he thought nothing of it, but he wasn't fair back then. Now, he simply wonders if he can get away with sending one back.

Before he can respond, Martin sends another message. Are you actually alright? I realized I was kind of assuming that losing your phone was the only reason you were MIA, but is anything else going on?

Damn. He tends to forget how perceptive Martin can be. What, exactly, Martin had perceived in that first message, Jon couldn't be sure, but apparently there was something that tipped him off to the..eventful last week he'd had. He really, really doesn't feel like getting into all of that right now, especially not over text, so instead he replies a mostly truthful I'm fine.

Then, squinting at the screen and realizing that might come across as a dismissal, he adds, Well, other than trying not to contemplate the general sanitation practices of a motel that clearly hasn't updated it's decor since the 70s. I'm suspecting the sheets are much the same.

He doesn't know how Martin will react to the message. He can't see the face he'll make, won't know the tone of his voice. However, he likes to imagine that Martin will at least smile. Maybe he'll even give that breath of a laugh, the one that sometimes happens when Jon's being lightly acerbic and it's not directed at him. He doesn't know, but he does hope for it. Martin texts back Oof. Maybe sleep on top of the covers tonight, yeah?, and Jon thinks that he might have guessed Martin's reaction correctly.

Christ, who knew all it took was a combination of jetlag and threats to turn him into a sap. He needs to sleep. He really needs a deep, proper, uninterrupted sleep, one lasting a minimum of eight hours and ideally closer to fifteen. Checking the time, it would be a fairly reasonable time to sleep, especially with the early start he has tomorrow. He considers sending off a quick good night message, but then has the realization that as reasonable as it is for him to be asleep right now, it's just as unreasonable for Martin to be awake. Are you alright? Good lord, Martin, it's almost 4am over there. Did I wake you?

Barely 30 seconds pass before he gets back no, you're good!

A beat, then a follow up message. I've had a irregular sleep schedule since I was like 16. A lot of evening and night shifts had a lasting impact u know? Working at the institute made it a bit more consistent but it's still p rare that i sleep the same eight hours night to night.

Jon's starts to text back something sympathetic; he's had his own struggles with both in- and hyper- somnia, but his phone buzzes in his hand before he can finish it.

Sorry! That was uh probably more information than you wanted.

Well, that just won't do. Even if there wasn't a part of his brain that had recently started collecting facts about Martin like they were precious jewels instead of mostly mundane stories, he doesn't want Martin to think he can't talk to him about things outside of the standard bounds of coworkers. Not at all. We're friends, Martin, I enjoy learning about you.

His brain wants to catastrophize the second he presses send. For the first minute that Martin doesn't reply, he doesn't let it. After the second minute, he allows the minor worry to become more severe. Had it been too much? Were they friends? Jon certainly thought so, but what if Martin wasn't in the same boat? Their interactions had been entirely friendly for months now, but what if that was just Martin being polite? God, what if Martin still thought of Jon as his boss, nothing more?

Ten minutes. It takes ten minutes for Martin to finally respond, and Jon has almost called him four times to explain himself. Ten minutes, and the first response is only Oh!

Then: Cool

Well, that's not a "piss off and die", but it's not exactly comforting. Jon doesn't know how to reply, staring at the words on his screen and not entirely sure if he's fucked up or not. Fortunately, Martin's not done responding, and the next message is much, much better.

Hey uh. Feel free to say no I know it's getting late over there but. Im not getting back to sleep for the rest of the day and itd be nice to actually hear you. Would you be okay with a call?

Without a moment's hesitation, he texts back Yes!, exclamation and all, because he's become someone he barely recognizes. The phone rings just as immediately, and he feels his entire body relax at Martin's first "Hello?"

Things are difficult right now. Things have been difficult ever since the promotion that was a curse in disguise. The world is filled with monsters he barely understands. He wishes he was home despite the fact that he barely recognizes it, as filled with tension and strife as it is. There's so much to discuss, so many things they should be hammering out. But right now, the threats are not pressing. Right now, he can hear about the bad true crime documentary Martin half-watched before he got Jon's texts, and Jon can bitch about the three different "pip pip cheerio" comments he's gotten since coming over seas. Right now, and for the hour before Jon drifts off, breathing slow and deep, he can pretend that this is an ordinary phone call, in an ordinary world, between two people who simply miss each other an extraordinary amount.

[unnie-lili]

Hi! Im not sure of ur rules when it comes to writing a fanfic so if this makes u uncomfy its absolutely fine if u dont wanna write it! Can I request an skz office smut with seungmin?? (female reader) like he does some dumb shit or like ticks u off so u decide to ride him after work hours on the office desk but suddenly stops and doesn’t let him cum, but after making him beg and whimper for u, u eventually give in and continue riding and BOOM creampie(why do I talk funny describing a smut LMFAO) do it if u want tho ofc!(also ive been asking a lot of ppl now and i forgot who i asked and who i didnt so if u got this before ignore LOL)

hello anon! thank you for your request 💙 I hope you like it! it's my first smut so I'm sorry if it's not that good!

pairing : bratty!seungmin x fem!reader

genre : office!AU, smut (minors DNI)

word count : 2.8k

warnings : dom/sub dynamics, bondage, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it folks)

Being promoted as the new Head of Marketing at your office had its perks : a hefty salary, flexible schedules, more liberty in your decision making, and you didn't have to endure the non-stop commanding of your old manager. The only inconvenience, really, that you could think of was that your office had been moved to the marketing floor, where you now had to work with Kim Seungmin.

At first, everything was going well. You had established a trustful and respectful relationship with all your coworkers, and you were able to put into motion a new marketing campaign in the span of two weeks. That was until the Marketing Specialist had come back from his work trip to New York. The first time you two crossed path, you flashed you a soft smile, and you remembered thinking this was probably the hottest man you had ever met. Turns out, he was. And he was the most annoying and enraging man you had ever met, too.

You had held a meeting with him and the other managers to keep him up to date with his duties, whilst he would share the market research he had done.

“I don't think the new campaign is great,” Seungmin had told you bluntly. “In fact, I don't even think it's good. It sucks.”

The other managers stared at him in stupor.

“Everyone in the department believe this campaign to be the next big thing,” you could only force a tight smile on your lips. “We already have the Advertising team working on it, and it has been approved by Chief Marketing Officer.”

“She must've fallen on her head to approve this,” Seungmin retorted, not even bothering looking at you. “I'll go talk to her, I'm responsible for marketing campaign after all.”

His boldness ticked a nerve in you, and you couldn't stop yourself from being more and more annoyed by his attitude. Who was he to try and go back on your decisions?

“I am the one in charge here,” you spat back, a bit too vehemently for your own liking. “You will do no such thing.”

Seungmin offered you a cocky smile in return, which only fueled your growing anger. The meeting had ended with a palpable tension in the air.

You thought that maybe it would've gotten better as the weeks went by, but Seungmin kept opposing every one of your choices with blunt, bordering-on-disrespectful remarks. Every time the Marketing Specialist opened his mouth, an everlasting smug grin on his face, you had to hold yourself back from losing your cool and start yelling at him. It felt like he knew exactly how to strike a nerve, no matter what situation you were in. Your first campaign had done numbers, your hard work having even been praised by the company's executives. You couldn't understand why Seungmin was still headstrong about making your life a living Hell.

You reached your limit during the department meeting for the Holiday season campaign. Seungmin had presented multiple campaign options, only for each of them being worse than the last.

“This isn't up to your own standard, Kim Seungmin,” you had commented. “This isn't good. Did you forget we had this meeting or do you simply not care about the success of our company?”

The Product Manager let out a small gasp, whilst Seungmin tilted his head, seemingly not understanding what you were saying.

“I don't get it,” Seungmin spoke, feigning innocence. “Your ideas for campaigns are always mediocre at best, I thought this was what you wanted.”

You stared at him, fuming, as the rest of the team froze in shock.

“You,” you had to clench your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. “Meet me in my office at 6. This type of behavior will not be tolerated in this building.”

Your response seemed to take him aback, his eyes wide as he nodded his head in your direction. He sat back on his chair and stayed quiet for the rest of the meeting, giving you a break for once.

Sitting back in your office, you let out a sigh. Your team had done incredibly well, and you were all able to finish before the end of office hours. You looked at the city life through the window, the already dark sky appeasing you in some way.

Soon enough, a light knock was heard at your door, and you didn't even bother saying anything. Seungmin peaked his head inside your office, meeting your already annoyed glance.

“Kim Seungmin,” you pointed the chair facing your desk. “Sit down.”

The man did as he was told, watching you as you got a few documents out of your desk drawer.

“I don't think it's a surprise to any of us if I tell you your behavior had been less than ideal for the past few months,” you spoke matter-of-factly. “I have discussed with HR, and there is no way we can tolerate your misbehavior anymore.”

Seungmin visibly gulped, nodding his head silently.

“So,” you took a document titled Disciplinary Report from the pile and laid it out in front of you. “Since there have been no previous recorded incidents revolving around you, I can't fire you. I would, trust me, but it's against company policy.”

You grabbed your pen and filed up Seungmin's employee information on the document.

“Instead, I'll be filling a disciplinary report with you and arrange a meeting with HR to address your behavioral issues.”

You glared up at the Marketing Specialist, who seemed livid. His silence was bothering you almost as much as his usual arrogant remarks.

“I'll be writing you up for,” you read the document, squinting your eyes. “General misconduct around corporate employees, insolence, and insubordination towards an higher-up. Does that sound correct to you?”

“So this will be kept in my employee file forever?” Seungmin asked, clearly worried about his future in the company.

“I asked you a question,” you retorted.

“Yes.”

You noted it down the document.

“Yes, it'll be in your file in our system,” you answered. “Got a problem with that?”

“Listen, I'm sorry, Y/N,” Seungmin blurted out, panicking. “I mean, Miss L/N. I never thought it would go this far.”

“Care to explain what you mean by that?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“It's just,” Seungmin's scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I never thought it would get to this. I never meant to personally hurt or attack you.”

You stared at him, dumbfounded.

“You never thought that insulting everything I do or say would affect me?” you asked.

“Now that you say it like that,” Seungmin avoided your gaze. “I get it. But... I never meant it.”

“Oh, really?” you scoffed, crossing your arms on your chest in defiance. “Then, why did you say all these things to me if it wasn't to attack my work?”

“I,” Seungmin's cheeks turned red. “I couldn't help it. You look so hot when you're mad.”

You stared at him in complete shock.

“Excuse me?” you blurted out, feeling heat creep up your whole body.

“I-I'm sorry, Miss L/N,” Seungmin hid his face in his hand, embarrassed. “Every time you got mad at me, I just wanted you to lose it. To punish me and make me regret being so rude to you.”

You couldn't say anything, your mouth dry as you felt your own wetness against your thighs.

“Since I'm already losing my job,” Seungmin sighed, staring right back at you with dark eyes. “I wanted you to use me to get out your frustration, fuck the brat out of me until I only know your name.”

Your own heartbeat was out of control. You stood up, hoping Seungmin couldn't see how your legs were trembling from excitement. You headed to your office door, clearing your throat.

“I'm so sorry, Miss L/N,” Seungmin stood from his chair. “I-I'll leave. I'll resign tomorrow. I-”

He stopped talking when you locked the door, turning around to face him. You slowly walked to him, heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor.

“You have been bad, Seungmin,” you spoke softly, watching as he fumbled to sit back on the chair, this time facing you. “I think you need to be punished.”

Seungmin gulped, looking up at you with wide, lustful eyes. You grabbed his tie, pulling him into a messy, passionate kiss. You ran your other hand through his hair, pulling slightly at the strands. He moaned against your mouth, his hands shooting up to your waist.

“No touching,” you pulled away from him, Seungmin immediately resting his hands on his thighs.

You took your time to observe the man in front of you, his lips messy with your own lipstick, and eyes begging for you to do more. If you had known this was all he wanted from you, you could've resolved your feud a lot earlier.

You kissed him again, pushing your tongue in his mouth as you palmed his already hard cock through his pants. Seungmin bucked his hips against your hand, loving the friction but desperately wanting more. Without breaking the kiss, you straddled his lap, grinding lightly on his bulge. His hands flew to your ass, groping the tender flesh and pulling you against his hips.

“Hm,” you broke the kiss, raising an eyebrow. “What did I say?”

Seungmin put his hands on the arm rest, eyes wide.

“N-no touching,” he stuttered out, breathing heavily.

“That's right,” you smiled, undoing his tie. “I guess you give me no other choice.”

Grabbing the silky fabric, you stood up. Seungmin reached his hands around the back of the chair without you having to ask, letting you tie his wrists together. Satisfied with your bondage, you lightly scratched his exposed forearms with your nails, earning a soft groan from the man. You went and straddled him again, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“Not too tight?” you asked, leaning closer to him.

Seungmin shook his head, shivering when you started nipping at the soft skin of his neck. You unbuttoned your own dress shirt before doing the same with his, letting your hands roam on his toned body. You let him leave sloppy kisses on your collarbone, trailing your hands down his body. You unbuckled his belt, sliding one hand inside his pants to palm him through his boxers.

“Please,” he mumbled against your skin, moaning when your free hand pinched one of his nipples.

“Please what?” you asked, leaning back to look him in the eyes.

He started grinding his hips against you hand, glazing at you with pleading eyes.

“Use your words,” you warned him.

“P-please fuck me, Miss L/N,” he whimpered, tugging at his wrists. “You look so fucking good, please, I want you so fucking bad.”

You unzipped his pants, getting off the chair to pull his trousers and boxers down to his ankles. His cock sprung free, the red tip leaking precum on his toned stomach. It was a sight to hold onto, feeling your own arousal pool into your panties. Not bothering taking off your dress skirt, you sat on his lap, taking his cock in your hand, and teasing your clothed entrance with it.

“Fuck,” you breathed out, feeling your thighs shake when his tip rubbed your clit, the fabric of your panties only adding to the pleasure.

Unable to wait any longer, you pulled your panties aside, sitting down on Seungmin's cock. You took him completely, your hips flushed against his. Your head spun as he filled you up, your walls snug around his throbbing cock.

“Y-you feel so good, M-Miss L/N,” Seungmin already looked fucked out, eyes unfocused as he looked up at you. “S-so warm, so f-fucking wet.”

You moaned in response, lifting your hips to slam them back down roughly. Seungmin whimpered at you set a fast pace, wrapping one hand around his neck.

“Such a bad boy,” you groaned, tightening slightly your grip on his throat. “This is what you wanted, uh? Acting like a fucking brat every fucking day, because you wanted me to fuck you?”

Seungmin nodded his head, eyes glistening with tears of pleasure. You rolled your hips a certain way, moaning loudly when his cock hit the spot that make you see stars. Seungmin grunted against your neck, helping you chase your high and thrusting his hips up to hit your sweet spot over and over again.

“Such a fucking brat,” you moved the hand that was on his neck to his mouth, shoving two fingers in it. “Wish I had known this was the only way to make you shut your mouth up.”

He moaned around your fingers, eyes rolling back. His thrusts became sloppier, his mouth crying your name as you let your fingers fall onto his chest. You noticed he was nearing his climax, and you stopped all movement, removing yourself from him entirely.

Seungmin bucked his hips up into nothing, looking at you with teary eyes as his cock throbbed against his stomach, painfully red.

“M-Miss L/N,” he whimpered.

“Brats don't deserve to cum,” you stated, not mentioning how you ruined your own high while doing so.

You sat on the desk beside him, a mixture of both your arousal leaking down your leg.

“I'm sorry, Miss L/N,” Seungmin pleaded. “P-please, I'll be good, please make me cum.”

You bit your bottom lip.

“You know what good boys do?” you asked, leaning over him and pulling his head back by his hair.

“W-what?”

“They beg,” you whispered in his ear, letting go of his hair.

Seungmin groaned.

“Please, Miss L/N,” he stuttered. “I want you. I n-need you. Please, fuck me.”

You sat back on his lap, not doing anything more. He tried kissing your lips, only for you to lean away from his reach.

“I said, beg.”

“Fuck, Miss L/N,” you knew he was growing impatient, his cock rubbing against your slit every time you moved. “Please, fuck me. I need your tight pussy around me. I'll be a good boy, fuck, please Y/N I need your cunt so fucking bad. Please make me cum, I beg you. It hurts.”

Satisfied, you reached behind the chair to untie his hands.

“Good boy,” you slurred, kissing him messily before slamming his cock deep inside you.

Seungmin grabbed the armrests of the chair tightly, thrusting back into your sloppy cunt, the sound of skin against skin echoing in your office. You felt heat pool into your lower stomach, getting closer to your climax as Seungmin bit your collarbone, sucking on the soft skin afterwards.

“Seungmin,” you panted, feeling your head get lighter and lighter. “I'm so close.... Touch me.”

“Fuck,” he grunted. “Me too.”

He wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you back into his deep thrusts and angling his hips to hit your sweet spot with every pump. His other arm slid between your two sweaty bodies, rubbing tight circles on your clit. Your orgasm came without a warning, waves of pleasure crashing down on you as you screamed out Seungmin's name, your body trembling uncontrollably against his.

“I'm-” Seungmin cried out, white spurts of cum shooting deep inside you as your walls milked him dry.

You both rode out your high, Seungmin holding onto you tightly. Closing your eyes, you tried catching up your breath, leaning your head against his shoulder. Seungmin was softly caressing your skin under your shirt, leaving gently kisses on your shoulder.

After a moment, you seemed to gain back your conscience, realizing what you just had done. You leaned back to look into Seungmin's eyes.

“This... shouldn't have happened,” you stated, getting out of his embrace to stand against your desk.

“It's okay,” Seungmin smiled, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

“No, it's not,” you replied. “I'm your boss. This shouldn't have happened. I'm going to be in so much shit-”

“No you're not,” Seungmin grabbed your hand.

You glared at him.

“And why's that?” you retorted.

“Because, since 5pm today, I don't work here anymore,” Seungmin shot you a cocky smile, the one you hated so much. “I'm leaving to go work at the New York branch tomorrow.”

You stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?” you blurted out. “Why did you come to my office if you knew you weren't even an employee anymore?”

“Well,” Seungmin shrugged, putting his boxers and pants back on. “I wanted to tell you during our little meeting. And say goodbye. Surprisingly, I didn't expect this to end up like it did.”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms on your chest. Seungmin stood up, lifting up your chin with his index and kissing you lips softly.

“I didn't have a chance to say goodbye, though,” he smirked. “Wanna come back to my place and do that?”

This is my first ever smut T_T I hope you liked it! you can always send me requests via asks. Please like and comment if you liked it, it really helps!

[littlesniggy]

Savior

Anon: IT‘S OPEN AGAIN! 🎉 im the Anon who asked for the Sakazuki request at the 100 followers event. Would you do a scenario where he takes female readers virginity ? I just can’t imagine him being the best choice for it but maybe you have a different take on it! Love your work so much and thank you!!! 💖

Sakazuki taking reader‘s virginity Anon here! I’d say maybe reader is not in a relationship with him but if you can’t come up with a scenario where this could be the case then can also be in a relationship. It’s up to you! Thank you so much !

Well...this is rather long and I apologize. I couldn't come up with a scenario where he would take reader's virginity without them being in a relationship except for this one. It has a lot of story in the beginning so feel free to skip to the dirty part if it's too long....anyways, I hope you like it and let me know!

Warning: 18+, nsfw, masturbation, superior x subordinate

Parining: Sakazuki x female reader

Word count: 4.1k

He had saved you when you were a child; kidnapped by pirates and to be sold off to god knows where. He, a Vice Admiral at the time, and his men caught the pirates off guard like a sudden storm, the outlaws not having anywhere to run. You watched him from afar, barking orders at his men and not paying you any attention. He scared you more than the pirates did, with his cold eyes and his unapproachable aura.

You joined the marines when you were old enough, wanting to stop piracy and the suffering pirates caused to innocent citizens. Oddly enough, Sakazuki became like a role model to you in his consequent behavior even though you had no interactions whatsoever. It was also no surprise to you when he was promoted to be an admiral. You admired him, wanting to climb the ranks like him and in the process became somewhat ruthless in your pursuit of pirates as well though not to the extend he was.

He came to the base you were stationed at, ordered by Sengoku to help catch the rising numbers of pirates sighted in this area. Apparently, he was not amused about it, thinking all of you had done a terrible job of letting this happen. First thing he did was give an angry speech to everyone, scolding you for the lack of effort in catching the pirates. The Vice Admiral’s got an even bigger scolding; everyone leaving the meeting room smaller than before.

You were called into his office a couple of days later. One of your superiors had recommended you to become Sakazuki’s assistant for the time he was here, not wanting to do it himself. You felt excited to be even thought of, wanting to see the admiral in action. So, you knocked on his door, waiting for him to call you in.

“Hello, Sir. I’m-“

“You’re late, marine.” His voice was harsh and annoyed, his eyes boring into yours, making you swallow. To say he was intimidating would’ve been an understatement – he was terrifying! You were taken back to more than ten years ago when you first saw him. You felt like a small child that did something wrong and was to be scolded by their parent.

“Sit down.” He ordered you, gesturing to the empty chair in front of the desk. You nodded, hurrying over and sitting down, not wanting to let him wait any longer. Your enthusiasm had dropped significantly; you weren’t even able to look him in the face, your hands fidgeting in your lap. You felt his eyes mustering you in irritation and it made you even more uncomfortable.

“I’ve heard you were the right one for the job but when I look at you I’m wondering what kind of marines work here when you’re the best they can offer as an assistant.” His words stabbed you like a knife in the heart. But he was right? The moment you entered the room you felt so nervous, not even a kid would take you seriously. Taking all your courage, you looked up and right at his face, feeling the need to look away immediately but pushing this urge away.

“Don’t you have anything to say, marine?” he got more irritated by your silence and you could understand; you were not making a good impression on him. “I’m sorry I was late, Sir. It won’t happen again.” You finally managed to say, trying to sound more confident than you actually felt. “That’s what to be expected of a marine. I don’t need any half-assed assistant who I can’t even rely on being punctual. Next time this happens you’ll be punished.” He said, meaning every word he said. You swallowed again, nodding at him. “Understood, Sir.”

From then on you spent a lot of time together. You were mostly ordered to run from A to B to collect reports or documents for him and being yelled at when you did the smallest mistakes. The first time you boarded a ship with Sakazuki, however, was the most exciting moment in your life so far. Over the last three weeks you’ve been his assistant for you have gotten used to him and somewhat could anticipate which mood he was in (most of the time not in a good one). Your admiration for him never really wavered; just the respect you had for this man grew even more.

“Y/n, is everything ready for departure?” he asked, standing at the bow of the marine ship, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Yes, Sir. Everything is set and we will leave any moment.” You informed him. Akainu simply nodded, turning around and walking towards a Vice Admiral, talking to him. While he was gone you were following your own train of thought. You never told him that he was the one who saved you and you doubted he actually remembered. You wouldn’t even know how to address it, never finding the right moment. You also doubted he actually cared enough to listen to what you had to tell him so you made the decision to not mention it at all. At least at the moment.

“The admiral wants the reports from today. Bring them to him.” Your Vice Admiral told you, handing you the reports his subordinates had written over the day. You nodded, making your way over to Sakazuki’s office. Cold wind blew inside the small room when you entered, closing the door behind you.

“Do you have the reports, Y/n?” he asked, not looking up from his desk. “Yes, Sir. They’re all here.” You replied, handing them over to your boss. He nodded, not acknowledging your presence any further. You were about to leave when his deep voice caught you off guard. “Have I told you to leave?” he asked, still not looking up. You were confused, stopping in your tracks. “No, Sir.”

“I want you to take a look at this an tell me if you find anything suspicious.” He said, holding a piece of paper up. You nodded, still confused but took it and sat on the other chair, starting to read. You felt his eyes on you, watching you while you read and it made you feel nervous. It was hard for you to concentrate, your eyes looking up at him from time to time, needing to find where you had left before and taking unnecessarily long. Of course, he noticed.

“Is there a reason why you stop reading all the time?” he wanted to know, a scowl on his face. “N-no, Sir. It’s just difficult to concentrate.” You mumbled, pressing your lips shut after realizing you said it out loud. The admiral raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?” he insisted. You shook your head, trying to let the topic drop. “It’s nothing, Sir.”

“I want to know why my assistant is getting distracted when I gave her an order. It must be something very important when it takes up your mind this much.” He narrowed his eyes and you knew you had to tell him something believable. But coming up with a lie was rather difficult with his intense stare so your only option was the truth. “I-it’s just a little distracting when you….look at me like this. It makes me feel nervous.” You admitted.

Sakazuki was silent for a moment, making the whole situation even more unnerving for you. Then he huffed, leaning back in his chair. You looked up at him again, his stare now even more intense than before and with a blush you lowered your gaze again. “If I make you nervous I suggest you get used to it.” He just said. “I guess so, Sir.” You mumbled, trying so hard to focus on the sheet in front of you.

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw him get up from his chair and walk around the small room, waiting for you to finish reading. You felt his presence behind you, your body tensing unconsciously. You imagined his eyes wandering over you back up to your neck, creating small goosebumps on your skin. You wondered what he was thinking about. Your mind all of a sudden went crazy, the most bizarre scenarios played in your head and you lost your focus completely.

Your face as beet red at the thought of him possibly considering you attractive, him thinking about seducing you, him thinking about touching you – all those thoughts and you didn’t know if they were actually true. Your mind was playing tricks on you; the time you’ve spent together apparently had you develop feelings towards this man behind you and you caught yourself more often than not imagining being intimate with him.

There was this one time where you accidentally saw him shirtless in his office, after he had spilled something on his shirt (he denied it of course) and was changing into a new one. That night you had your first wet dream about him but you tried to play it down, telling yourself it was just the close proximity you two were sharing that naturally made you feel sexually attracted to him. But it never stopped. Soon, you actively fanaticized about him and you felt ashamed about it.

“Are you done, Y/n?” he brought you back to reality and you slowly shook your head no. “I-I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t seem to be able to concentrate. I think I might be too tired.” You said, hoping he believed you. You didn’t dare to turn around and look at him but you put the paper down on the desk in front of you, showing him that you were being honest. Akainu huffed. You heard footsteps coming closer to you until you saw his shoes next to your chair.

You looked up at him unsettled, anticipating his scolding.

“You seem awfully tense around me the for the past week. Is there something you need to tell me? If not, I suggest you get over it and take your job seriously. I don’t need someone who gets distracted so easily.” You couldn’t possibly tell him that you were thinking about him being naked and between your legs!

“I just wanted to say how thankful I am for getting this opportunity serving under you, Sir.” God! This sounded wrong! What if he thinks I want to have sex with him? Well, technically I do but he mustn’t know!

Sakazuki didn’t know what was going on in your head but just nodded. You were sure he didn’t believe you but also knew you wouldn’t tell him. So, he left it at that. “If you can’t do a better job tomorrow, I will replace you.”

You were ordered to stay on the ship today for whatever reason. The admiral was probably still not pleased with your performance yesterday that he wanted to punish you for it since he kind of knew how much you wanted to fight. Besides you there were a handful of other marines still on the ship but it was quiet over all. You had the order to organize the various reports in his office.

When you couldn’t find one you were sure you had seen yesterday you looked for it in his entire office. When you still couldn’t find it you thought that he might’ve taken it with him last night to his room. You were not allowed to enter his room but maybe this was an exception? Plus, he wasn’t here yet and it probably wouldn’t take long. But when it was gone, he would know that someone was in his office. But maybe he wouldn’t be too mad…

Before you knew it you had opened his door (surprisingly it wasn’t locked) and stepped inside his room. It was dark and you needed to turn on the lamp. The dim light barely illuminated the room but you could see enough to find your way around. On the nightstand you saw them – the five missing reports. You hurried over and picked them up, you were almost out the door when a thought hit you. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around, looking at his neatly made bed. It was huge.

You slowly walked back, stopping in front of it and contemplating with yourself. You should just leave and never come back here! But you really wanted to lay down in his bed – just once – and see how he was sleeping. Without thinking twice you laid down on his big bed on your stomach and pressed your face into his pillow, closing your eyes. It smelled like him; he had this distinct smell of musk and a hint of cologne that made your knees go weak every time you were close to him.

Unconsciously, you let your hand wander down and between your legs, pushing pat the restraints of your uniform pants and panties. You felt your sex getting wet the more you smelled the pillow, your finger starting to rub against your folds, spreading your slick on your cunt. You moaned into the pillow, imagining it being his hand stoking you, his weight pressing down on you and his hot breath tickling your neck.

Your fingers entered your core, moving in and out, imagining his thick dick taking you as he pressed your head into the pillow. Another moan, this time a little louder, when you entered a second finger, spreading them inside of you. You’ve never had sex but you liked to imagine what it would feel like. His dick going deeper and deeper, taking your virginity as he praised you how good you were making him feel.

You turned on your back, pulling down your pants, spreading your legs, and taking the pillow from under your head, pressing it to your face with one hand while the other one entered your core again, thrusting inside of you. Your mind was in a frenzy, now imagining how he would take you like this, his cold eyes looking down at you with this cold gaze. You shivered, your fingers thrusting in and out faster.

“What do you think you’re doing there, Y/n?” You stopped dead in your tracks, your body tensing at the sound of his voice. Why was he back yet? He wasn’t supposed to be back for at least another hour! You were frozen in place, not being able to move, not wanting to pull the pillow aside and look at the man that was standing in the room, watching you fuck yourself on your fingers in his bed.

“I asked you a question.” You could hear his footsteps coming closer and soon after the pillow on your face was being lifted, making you look at your superior. “Are you having fun?” he asked, his harsh eyes staring right at you. He’s gonna kill me! Your mind screamed. A huge lump had formed inside your throat, making it impossible for you to answer. He let the pillow fall next to you on the bed, his eyes not leaving your face.

“If you need to masturbate this badly, why don’t you do it in your own bed, Y/n?” You couldn’t reply, shock was written all over your face. His gaze now wandered down your body to where your fingers were still buried in your went cunt. You didn’t know what he was thinking, his face this unreadable mask. He didn’t sound mad but he didn’t sound pleased either. But maybe this was a good sign.

“Don’t you have to say anything to your defense? Nothing like ‘Oh, my bed is broken so I used yours, Sir’?” Your face turned red and you slowly pulled your fingers out, his eyes following the motion. “I…..” you started but didn’t know what to say. “I should throw you out just like this, making everybody see what you’ve been doing in here.” He mused.

“P-please, don’t do this.” You found your voice, horrified at the possibility of him going through with this thought. “And why shouldn’t I?”

“I-it was a mistake, Sir! I was just….I wasn’t thinking!” Akainu huffed and amusement, his eyes finding yours again. “Is that so. What made you think it was acceptable to masturbate in your superior’s bed? Does it give you some kind of kick?” You shook your head and were about to pull your pants up but his next words stopped you.

“Were you thinking about me while you fucked yourself on your fingers?” mortified, you looked at him. “Were you thinking about how it was me fucking you?” you didn’t know what to say, too horrified to answer. “What makes you think you could handle me, Y/n?” still, no answer.

Sakazuki tilted his head to the side, watching you in slight amusement. “Take the rest of your clothes off.” His order caught you off guard. “S-Sir?”

“Did you hear me stutter? I said, take the rest of your clothes off.” His tone was harsher, leaving no room to argue.

With shaky hands you sat up and unbuttoned your uniform blouse, revealing your bra which followed soon after. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do; maybe he would throw you out like this, completely naked and humiliated. But you weren’t prepared for what came next. The admiral unbuttoned his shirt as well, revealing his muscular chest and more of his tattoo. Your eyes grew wide in disbelief. What was going on.

“I take it if I fuck you now you’ll become more focused on your tasks again, right?” he asked while opening his pants, pulling out his still soft member. You were afraid of your eyes popping out at the sight, inching away from him by instinct. He kneeled down on the mattress, towering over you.

Your heart was hammering in your chest when he positioned himself between your legs, pulling you closer to him. His hand started stroking himself. You watched in amazement as his dick turned harder and harder until it laid heavy in his hand. “Let’s get it done and over with, shall we?” he made it sound like a transaction at a crowded supermarket where he just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“W-wait! I…You…you shouldn’t…” but he pressed a hand over your mouth, shutting you up. “What I should and shouldn’t do is none of your concern.” He positioned himself at your wet entrance, sliding his dick over your folds, making you mewl in response. He took his hand away and put it right next to your head, kneeling over you completely. When he was about to enter you, you inched away, looking at him scared.

“P-please….be gentle….” You pressed out, realizing that his dick was way bigger than you had imagined. It would hurt, you were sure of it. Akainu pulled you closer again; you could feel his thick mushroom head at your entrance again. “Please…! I….I’ve never had….I’ve never done it before…” you stuttered, averting your eyes. The admiral’s eyes narrowed in response, looking your body up and down again.

He didn’t answer, you only felt his weight press against your entrance, his dick slowly but surely sliding inside your body. Your whole body tensed up, pain filling your core as he pushed further and further. You grabbed his arm next to your head with you hand, clawing at his skin in discomfort. “S-Sir! Please…give me some time!” you pleaded, eyes tightly shut.

You could hear his slightly uneven breathing and felt his big member slowly fill your up. The stretch was more than uncomfortable and your body tried to move away from him with every new inch he added. You felt a hand come up to your breasts, playing with them and squeezing them. You opened your eyes a little, looking up at his stern face. You looked down, seeing your hips raised to meet his dick, ass hanging in the air. You saw his dick not even buried half inside of you and it made your heart skip a beat in fear. This was never going to fit completely!

He pulled out a little before moving back in. “Ungh!” you gasped, your grip on his arm tightening at the feeling. He repeated the movement, each time pushing in a little further. His hand moved down from your breast and between your legs, finding your clit and circling it lazily with his thumb. You legs twitched at the feeling and you wanted to close your legs but he wouldn’t let you; his hips were in your way so you had to let him do.

“S-sir…..this feels kind of good…” you panted, trying to concentrate on his thumb on your clit. “Just because it’s your first time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be this kind.” His words made your stomach tingle inside. So, he at least cared a little about you. Your legs slowly wrapped around his hips as good as possible and you pulled him a little closer, looking him in the eyes while you did it.

Sakazuki grinned a little, starting to pick up his pace. His thrusts became deeper and deeper, filling you out more and more. His thumb pressed down in your clit, adding a little bit of heat, making you moan out in pleasure. “S-sir!” you panted, grabbing at his wrist. “You want me to stop playing with you clit?” he asked, about to pull his hand away. “N-no! Please, keep doing this!” you begged, looking at him desperately. “Then let go of my wrist.” He replied.

You let your hand lay next to your head while the other one was still grabbing the arm right next to your head. Akainu’s thrusts became harder, the fabric of his pants scratching at the back of your thighs and his heavy balls slapping against your ass. He was filling you out all the way, your cunt pressed flush against his pelvis.

Your moans got louder, the uncomfortable feeling already pushed to the back of your head thanks to his thumb on your clit, adding heat from time to time. You saw your tits wiggle at his thrusts, you back arched when he hit a special sweet spot inside of you. The admiral groaned above you, slamming his dick inside of you without mercy.

He put his hand that was next to your head on your hip and hold you in place, panting heavily while he fucked you without any hesitation. Since you needed a new source of support to grab on you reached over your head to head of the bed, grabbing the the mattress and clawing your fingers into it.

Sakazuki closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of your tight cunt squeezing him with every thrust, ready to milk him. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to make you cum, being it your first time but he was honestly more fixated on his own at the moment. His hips snapped back and forth, your moans filling his room your writhing body underneath his – it all was really appealing to the older male. He wouldn’t say it out loud but when he found you lying here on his bed with your legs spread he would’ve loved to take you at once but his self-control was stronger than his instincts.

“I…I think I’m gonna…I’m gonna cum, Sir!” you moaned, raising your hips more to meet his thrusts, your legs pressing him closer to you to feel him even deeper. He watched you trow your head back, your small body tensed underneath him before your muscles spasmed around his dick, clenching and unclenching as you came with a loud moan, your back arching, you tits bouncing a little.

The admiral huffed and groaned deeply, joining you in your orgasm soon after. Before he came he pulled out though, mind not clouded enough that he might forget it. His slick semen was covering your stomach, his hand stroking himself eagerly to let every drop of his seed come down on your body.

You were panting heavily, watching thick ribbons of cum cover your stomach. You reach out, collecting some of it on your finger and licking it up, tasting him on your tongue. It was salty and bitter, nothing like you expected but it was somewhat good nonetheless. You bit your lip at his stare, feeling so shameless and dirty to just taste his cum like some whore but you simply couldn’t help.

“Are you gonna be able to focus on your tasks from now on, Y/n?” he asked while he pulled out, inspecting the mess you two have made. Blushing you nodded shyly, pulling your legs to your body and closing them. “Good. We wouldn’t want this small incident to repeat itself, now would we?” you blushed even deeper at his smirk, knowing this probably wasn’t the last time. After all, this mission would take at least another month.

[train-wrecc]

ALPHA.

• hamish duke x fem!reader

warning(s) ⚠️: none? somewhat angst (not really), death, mentions of blood

pairings: vera x niece!reader, hamish duke x reader

summary: y/n is vera stones niece who had been inducted into the hermetic order of the blue rose 4 years ago (senior in college) however when reviewing books in the reliquary/vault for an assignment she stumbles upon a certain fur coat, the hide of alpha.

wc (word count): 2.2k

gc (gif credit): unknown/google

-

y/n had barely set foot into the temple before alyssa almost tackled her to the floor. "geez, medicum, watch where you're going."

"magistratus! you're just the person i was looking for! im so sorry for bumping into you but uh, " the blonde gestures behind her with a hand, "the temple magus would like to see you..." she says, before plastering an awkward smile and walking off.

"and i thought today couldn't get any worse..." y/n mumbled.

y/n walked down the corridor before stopping at the large doors which the temple magus who just so happened to be her aunt, sat behind.

the doors opened before her, and she was met with her aunt and a large older man. "temple magus." y/n said nodding her head, glancing at the man that was stood beside her aunt in confusion.

"magistratus, welc-" vera was interrupted by the older man beside her.

"vera quit with the formalities, she's your niece!" he chuckled.

"edward coventry, the grand magus." edward extended his hand out for y/n to shake. she embraced his hand with hers giving a firm shake.

"your aunt has told me a lot about you y/n,"

"all good things, i assume." y/n responded.

"yes, of course, you could say im intrigued... meet me in the temple tomorrow afternoon. I have an interesting assignment for you."

-

the door clattered open as alyssa made her way into the temple where y/n and a few other magistratus' stood.

the others glanced in shock, "what is a medicum doing here?" selena questioned as she snickered at kyle as alyssa walked past the group.

"she's here like the rest of us, the magus wouldn't have allowed her to be here if she hadn't proven herself." y/n said in an attempt to get selena to shut up.

"are you sure? the only reason you're a magistratus is because of your auntie." selena continued.

y/n rolled her eyes tired of dealing with selena, "you're right, who else promotes us besides the magus? selena, why don't you keep your mouth shut, before i shut it for you, after all, my aunt is the temple magus."

before selena could utter a snarky remark edward strode in.

"okay! vera says that you're the ones with the most potential. potential will get you into the door, but it will not guarantee you a seat, " edward rips off the cloth which was obstructing the view of what appeared to be an obsidian block, "at the table." he continued.

"this obsidian block is estimated to be between, mhm, 1,500 and 2,000 years old." he gesticulates to the block.

"but spoiler alert. this is no ordinary... hunk of rock," he says, dropping a bug onto the rock which in turn burst.

"something is inside this obsidian that people don't want others to have. i want you to reverse engineer the magic protecting this stone."

y/n notices alyssa begins to write "deleatur?" on her notebook, as kyle glances at the word on the book before speaking up.

'of course he would, arrogant prick....' y/n thinks to herself.

"magus?" kyle steps forward, "with your permission?" he continued, as edward motioned towards the rock, as a signal to continue.

kyle raised a knife to his right hand before slicing it and muttering "deleatur", flicking his wrist toward the stone.

shortly after the flick of his wrist, his right forearm collided against his upper arm, his limb broken now, bone sticking out.

he gasps in pain, which puts a small smirk on y/ns face, 'serves him right...' roaming in her mind.

"you know how to heal that?" edward breaks the silence. kyle responded with a shake of his head 'no'.

"right. my driver will take you to the hospital."

kyle walks out of the room, hunched over, cradling his right arm the best that he can.

edward picks the obsidian up from its frame, "now that you know what you're dealing with, impress me." before he follows behind kyle.

"alyssa. make sure the temple gets a proper cleansing." are his last words.

"at once, magus." alyssa replied.

"now we know why she's here." diego called, his arm around selena's shoulder calls, a smirk on his face as she laughs before they continue to make their way out of the temple.

a sigh falls from alyssa's lips.

"don't worry about them medicum, you're not here for that. they just feel threatened by you." the y/h/c (your hair colour, i.e. brunette, blonde) girl spoke up.

"thanks, magistratus." alyssa responded.

y/n simply nodded in return, before stalking off to go pester her aunt, she had an idea about an incantation that might work on reversing the magic which was protecting the obsidian.

-

next day...

y/n's fist met the door as she knocked.

she could faintly hear the word "aperiatur" slip from her aunt's lips, as the doors opened.

"magistratus." vera greeted y/n.

y/n rolled her eyes, her aunt had always been so persistent in remaining professional at the temple, so that other members never thought y/n only got in due to vera.

"hey auntie vera," y/n says her words practically covered in honey.

"one. what did i tell you about keeping our professionalism and two. what do you want?" vera smirked knowing her niece too well.

a sigh came from y/n's lips, knowing her aunt had caught on.

"you're aware of the assignment of edward's that i'm apart of?" her aunt nodded in respond to the question.

"well i need to get into the vault, and before you interrupt me there's a book in there that i want to examine and see if i can find an incantation for the assignment." y/n explained, she had been planning on talking to her aunt the day before but something had come up.

"no." vera gulped knowing well she had given alyssa, a medium, access to the reliquary the day before. however the vault is different she reassured herself.

"of course, god forbid you do me one favour." y/n said her voice sour, her head nodding in false understanding.

"y'know ive worked my ass twice as hard as anyone else to be here, and yet i'm always getting criticized the most for every simple mistake that i make which aren't very many..." y/n began, her aunts answer irking her.

"and you decide to do alyssa the kiss ass a favour and give her access to the reliquary when she's a medicum, however, you can't do me a favour and let me use the vault once." y/n finishes brows furrowed, done with her aunt at the moment.

y/n began to stalk off before vera stopped the girl.

"y/n. you may use the vault." vera murmured.

the y/h (your height i.e. short, tall) girl returned to the room silently.

she handed y/n a necklace with a pentagon-shaped charm attached to it. "repeat after me. sanguis meus tuas laminate acuit." vera says the incantation.

"sanguis meus tuas laminate acuit."

with the movement of vera's hand, the bookshelves began to separate and opened to a corridor.

"y/n, sweetheart, you know i love you. the only reason i criticize you, harshly at times, is because i know you have the potential to be twice as great as you already are. greater than me." her aunt said dripping in sympathy and love.

however, y/n doubted that.

"of course i know because you remind me so often." the words slipped from y/n's lips, filled with sarcasm.

y/n made her way through the fear corridor and into the vault clutching the pentagon necklace as vera watched from the entrance.

-

y/n had been searching for the incantation for a few hours now and had yet to find the incantation.

she had rummaged through all the books that were out in the open and visible before deciding maybe there were some in hiding.

she had scoured high and low for books and had nearly given up before her eyes caught a rugged brown chest of some sort.

"this has to be it!" she exclaimed to herself, noticing the lock on the latch of it.

she'd assumed vera had left a while ago, and figured she'd have to talk to her about it the next day.

however, before she could even reach for the lock, it burst and the top of the trunk rose.

all she could see was some kind of fur coat before it had engulfed her and her vision was captured by darkness as she gasped.

(a/n: thank the lord she's a werewolf now, we can now get to the good part!!!!! 🥳)

-

a groan emitted from the y/h/c, as she began to stir. she felt like she was repeatedly getting pricked by something.

sweat dripped down her trembling body, teeth chattering from the cold. her eyes peeled open, vision fuzzy before it cleared. she wrapped her arms around herself, her arms met her bare chest.

her eyes widened in realization, she was naked.

eyes gazing down, she took in her bare body, painted red. her fingers met the dark red, substance. blood. blood, that was not her own.

"no, no, no, shit! what the fuck did i do?" y/n says in disbelief, hands twitching, as panic fills her veins.

she retrieves herself from the dirt of the forest as she makes her way through the large trees, hiding behind them every so often in order to not expose herself in case anyone were to be in the forest.

she nears a tent not too far from where she awoke and evaluates the area for anyone. it appeared to be vacant, so y/n made her way toward the tent in search of something to cover her bare body with.

however, when she neared the tent, her vision was once again met with blood. on the ground lay a man a hole where his heart should be. her vision became blurred by the tears that filled her eyes. this was the persons life she had took. a young man, who had his whole life ahead of him.

and it was put to an end because of her.

his blood was on her hands. literally.

though her hands trembled y/n had managed to rummage through his things, and find a change if clothes which we had immediately put on.

the pieces of cloth, which caressed her body, aided in warming her. she didn't waste another second and got to work quickly, digging somewhat of a grave for the male.

once she had covered the now cadaver-filled hole, y/n gathered a few leaves which took the place of which would ideally be flowers.

she sniffled, viciously blinking to try and rid her eyes of tears. y/n gently pressed the leaves into the soil, before getting up from her knees.

next came getting rid of any evidence that the man had ever set foot in the woods. she used a simple incantation to rid the small area of any objects.

after she had done so, she mad her journey near the edge of the woods, which she was quite familiar with, being in the order and they tend to venture in the woods often, especially when recruiting neophytes.

however, around fifteen minutes had passed, and y/n's eyesight was no longer a captive to the never-ending trees.

she no longer knew where she was... she'd never seen a house on the outskirts of the woods. she wondered if it had always been there.

y/n hadn't thought up a plan, before she knew it her legs were carrying her to the front door, and her curled fist met the wood of the door.

she truly hadn't thought about what she was gonna say, until she had knocked on the door.

what would she do? how would she explain her dishevelled appearance? the blood... oh god she had forgotten that she was practically drenched in the dark fluid from head to toe.

-

a/n: y'all this is so bad I'm sorry and it's on the longer side and like for what reason? 🤨😂

like literally nothing happened im so sorry this is literal shit...  obviously there WILL be a PT 2,

& sorry if the spacing is weird i’m on the mobile app...

also this is the only part that’ll be in third pov, i normally write first person but i was trying something different & i didn’t like it

& IM SORRY HAMISH WASNTIN THIS PRT HE'LL BE IN THE NEXT ONE I PROMISE !!!! 😔❤️🤞

[pettyprocrastination]

Introductions Hc for Catfish x CamGirl!Reader

Just some basic hc on how you two met. Also yes the cam girl in this is a goth babe because I love goth women so so much. 

Warnings: uhhh poor descriptions of light smut?? sex work. We support sex workers in this house baby!!! Also sweet sweet frankie who we all need a hug from during these trying times. 

Taglist: @cinewhore​ i honestly can’t remember who’s on my perm tag list im gonna have to do a post for that as well fuck SORRY 

I actually had a lot of fun writing these so if you want to know more about frankie and BB (which will be her nickname for now) please hmu!!!

You and frankie don’t meet in person at first. He meets you through your (side)job, Which is doing online shows using (insert obligatory porn site here or onlyfans idk)

It’s late at night, frankie is home alone and scrolling through a site using the incognito mode on his phone. Nothing is doing it for him that night. Not that he’s particularly desensitized to sex, no. It’s quite the opposite. He’s so sick and tired of seeing the words “stepdaddy” and “unsuspecting” in the same sentence so many times it’s causing him to lose not only his hard-on but also his faith in humanity. 

He sees the option for live shows, thinks about it for a moment before saying fuck it why not and clicking the link that brings him to a page with photos covers of multiple scantily clad (if covered at all) women that were live. 

His own username was something simple, nothing with his name or nickname. Just Pilot368, because lord knows he wasn’t about to be one of the studs who had usernames like Pussydestroyer or CockKing6000.

He’d never watched live shows before, that brought a different element into it all. The sort of...welcomed voyeurism that he wasn’t sure how he felt about. Maybe he was overthinking it all, or maybe it just wasn’t his cup of tea until you showed up just under a girl wearing a pink dog collar. 

You were….not his usual tastes, to put it simply. 

The picture promoting your page was you sitting in a lacy black set up, thin lace frills framing your soft thighs and the slope of your breasts. You sat with your legs spread and tongue slipping past your black-painted lips. Between your legs sat a (he was assuming fake) skull that you held with curled fingers. 

Your Username was 🖤🦇BabyBat🦇🖤and frankie felt like a pervert for the way his cock throbbed. 

But he was alone, and he was horny. So he swallowed that self-loathing if only long enough for him to wrap his hand around his cock while your stream played. 

He thought you were pretty in the picture, but on live video? Watching you move yourself up and down on a toy while throwing your head back with breathless little whimpers and moans? Oh he’s a dead man. 

Comments came in a steady stream, many of which were calling you derogatory terms or telling you to move a certain way and some even suggested you alter certain things about your body. 

The first time he himself commented he over analyzed it for about five minutes. He didn’t want to say anything too lewd, even as you fucked yourself on a toy right before his eyes, he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. So, God bless his heart, frankie left a comment on a live video of you literally fucking yourself about how he thought your tattoo was “very cool.”

The moment he pressed enter he immediately wanted to shoot himself. “Very cool”? THAT’S the best he could come up with? He could just hear pope flaming his ass for it.

But he saw your face as you read the comment, and the smile that grew at it. 

You laughed, one that reached your eyes and made frankie feel filthy about stroking his cock to it. “Oh thank you!” You let one hand trail down your stomach until your fingers found your clit and you arched your back, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you looked at the camera. 

“You're too sweet to me honey.”

Maybe it was the slight shake in your thighs as you rode the toy, or the way you never look away from the camera, and in turn from him, or maybe the way your voice, rich and dark and smooth, would raise into a little whine as you neared your end, but it pushed him over the edge, falling into hot waves of pleasure that ebbed and flowed as he came into his fist and imagined that it was you. 

The moment he sobered up, and realized it wasn’t in fact you, but he was simply alone in his room, late at night, he huffed. 

Boy, he really is a charmer. 

Frankie made haste to clean himself up and exit the browser without a second thought before trudging into bed and letting his eyes shut. When he woke up your moans echoed in his head while he made coffee. The sight of your soft, bare chest flashed in his mind while he had a pleasant conversation with the mailman about how the weather had been sweltering all week. The image of your sweet smile at his words played through his head all day at work like a sick taunt.

That night after dinner he lays in bed, scrolling through page after page of results on his phone in frustration because he can’t remember your goddamn username. 

It’s almost an hour of searching when he almost gives up because now the search is just getting a little sad. 

It shouldn’t matter that much to him. You're just a cam girl. Not somebody he knew personally, not a lover or a girlfriend. He’s about to close out when he sees your username and doesn’t think before he clicks on it. 

Your shirt is pushed up your chest and your hand is sliding under the elastic band of your panties when you see his username pop up and you smile. 

“Happy to see you back flyboy! I was starting to miss you.”

Frankie swears he won’t make a habit of watching you, but he breaks that promise when he clicks the follow button before falling asleep.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Day five of Horror on Cherry Lane Challenge! Today’s prompt was monsters!

Little brat’s been in the school ten minutes after the bell.

After they both broke curfew, Max staying out late trick-or-treating and going to one of her little friends’ house to trade candy, and Billy crashing at the lingering party until he was sober enough to come home and not get his ass kicked, they were supposed to be straight home today. Used up all their free time for the week apparently.

Max knew that this morning, he already told her to forget about the damn AV club. If he had to cancel on whatever chick he was going to take out (was it Carol? No, Carol is Tommy’s girl. Fuck he doesn’t know anybody yet) Max had to give her shit up to.

He gets bored of waiting for the little twerp and tosses his cigarette to the ground, marching in there his damn self.

Only time he’s ever been in this building was to pick Max up from AV. His dad made him come all the way inside and give his assessment on the teacher. Asked (slapped him and demanded it) that he do so to check on Max. Just to be sure. Like he cares.

But it works out anyways that he knows the way now that Max has decided to disappear and it’s up to him to track her down. Only problem is he gets there, and the room is empty. Not even just that Max isn’t in there, there’s no damn kids or teacher or nothing. Just a knocked over lamp and some shit on the floor.

He ain’t trying to hunt her down, but he has to get her back home in like, the next half-hour, and she’s somewhere she ain’t supposed to be. The school isn’t very big, half the damn building is closed off for the school board to use, so there isn’t much ground to cover.

He’s not trying to get himself arrested either, so he makes quick work of the school, checking all the places Max might be. Still, he comes up empty, and he’s about to just give up and let whoever she was with keep her when he sees something scurrying across the floor out of the corner of his eye.

It’s not really any of his business whether or not the middle school is infested, but it catches his eye for the wrong reasons.

It’s a gnarly little thing, a cross between a frog and rat or some shit, but Billy’d recognize that thing anywhere. It’s a fucking monster, crawling around the halls of his sisters school.

Purely on instinct, he tracks the thing to where it cornered itself, taking advantage of the fact that it’s still small and growing into its demon teeth to stomp on the gross monster. He stops once he’s positive it’s dead and not just faking him out like they do sometimes, he’s not gross or something, but he nearly jumps out of his skin when behind him, Max shouts, “Billy!”

He turns, ignoring the pile of goop that was one of those things to face his, apparently, from the flush on her cheeks and the bitterness in her tone, “Jesus, shitbird. What is wrong with you?”

He’s hardly even got the question out before Max snaps at him, “Why would you kill it!”

“Do you even know what that thing is?” Billy raises eyebrows, no patience for Max telling him what to do, but she counters with something that surprises him, “It was Dustins, he discovered it, you jerk!”

“Yeah, no. These things’ve been around longer’n any of us have been alive. And I don't care who found it first. They’re fucking monsters.”

“How do you even know what he was? You killed him.”

“It. Not him. Don’t humanize them.” Billy hisses, warning Max, “And anyways, I seen some shit kid. Don’t ask. And don’t play around with anymore of these little fuckers. Give ‘im a day or two ‘n he’ll be the size of a gray wolf. Another month or so and he’s seven feet tall.”

“But what is he?” Max demands stubbornly.

Billy answers simply, “Something you don’t want anything to do with.”

By now, the rest of Max’s friends have followed the sound of her yelling to their little showdown, and it’s Dustin, the owner of this thing, that chimes in, “But wait, does that mean you know?”

“Know what?” Max huffs, but she gets ignored, Billy firing back at Dustin, “Do you?”

All four of the kids nod at once. Billy sighs deeply, “Jesus, how the fuck did a bunch of little kids get caught up in this bullshit?”

“How did you?” These kids aren’t very original coming back at him with his own questions like this.

Again Max interjects, being left out of the questioning just making her more confused. “Excuse me, but what exactly are we talking about?”

But again nobody acknowledges her, Billy busy answering the boys’ questions.

“Had a friend came from that lab. You know about that part too?” He clarifies, getting three attentive nods, and this time one disapproving scowl, as he explains, “Well the monsters followed ‘im. Through their portals and his head and shit, they were out in California too. That’s how I know I was right to kill that thing.”

There’s a moment of stunned silence before Mike insists, “I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t know, man. How else would he know about everything?” Lucas shrugs, exciting Dustin and promoting him to ask, “Do you think he knows about Eleven too?”

“I’m still here too you guys. What is going on?” Max interrupts, serving only as a reminder, Lucas turning the conversation back to Billy as he asks, “Why haven’t you told Max?”

Billy smugly tries their little deflecting shtick on them, “Could ask you the same. Why are you showing her the monsters if you ain’t gonna tell her jack about ‘em either? I was keeping her safe. You assholes were keeping her stupid.”

Max interjects, “Hey!”

“No, that’s not fair. We had to sign an NDA.” Dustin corrects, very matter of fact for a kid who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Yeah, me too kid. It wasn’t any secret that number six escaped. I’ve had those assholes watchin’ over my shoulder for years and I didn’t even do anythin’.” Billy feels like he’s having a trauma competition with a bunch of middle schoolers, and he hates it. His tone is harsh as he demands, “Which brings us into, what the hell did you do to get caught up in all this?”

“None of your business.” Mike spits, but for the first time in the conversation, Will chimes in, “I got taken. By the demogorgon.”

“Okay. What’s that got to do with this, kid?”

“The demogorgon is what we called the big one. Before El killed it.” Lucas explains.

“Look, I don’t know who El is, but believe me when I tell you, you brats don’t know nothing. There ain’t just one of those, you know. Every last one of those annoying little fuckers like the one I just squished’ll turned into a ‘big one’.” They all look collectively defeated by that, maybe because he knows more than they do, or maybe just because they didn’t want to admit it was that bad.

But none look more ghastly than Will, who barely manages to inform them, “That’s bad. Last night, I heard them while we were trick-or-treating. They were everywhere.”

“Then we’re gonna have to do something.” Dustin declares determinedly, but Billy shuts it down right away, “No. Seriously, what the hell? All you sorry little punks are going right the fuck back home and pretending none of this never happened. If you don’t provoke ‘em, they’ll stop.”

“But they weren’t provoked when they took Will.” One of then argues, but Billys ignoring them now, turning back to a no less calm Max, “I don’t care. I ain’t doing this shit all over again. Come on, Maxine. Gotta leave your little friends to their baby ‘demogorgon’ and their world saving bullshit.”

Max scrunches her face up and argues, “Um, did you forget that I still have no idea what the hell is going on?!”

“Honestly, yeah.” Billy admits, “But s’better if you don’t ask questions. Now if you please, we gotta go.”

“No. You’re being a jerk.” Max crosses her arms and glares at him, a clear sign shes refusing to leave with him.

Billy just shrugs, “M’always a jerk. Thought you’d know that by now.”

“I do. And that’s exactly why I’m not listening to you. If my friends are going to do something, I want in on it.”

“Look what you little fuckers did.” Billy grumbles at the boys before trying to reason with his sister again, “Max. We only got fifteen minutes out of an almost half hour drive to get home. Come on.”

“This is so much bigger than that! I don’t care what your stupid dad says, I want to do something!” Her attitude gets on Billy’s nerves. That’s definitely deliberate if the spite gleaming in her cold eyes is any indication.

“You don’t even know what it is!”

“Then I deserve to find out!”

Billy sighs deeply, done doing this with a bunch of little kids in over their heads, “You know what, fine, but we’re stoppin’ at a payphone and you’re gonna be the one to tell my old man I’m takin’ you out for.. I don’t know, fucking ice cream or some shit. And if we get in trouble, I’m blaming you. Deal?”

Max smiles to herself at having gotten one over on him, “Deal. Where are we going though?”

“I dunno. Ask your nerds. S’their big fucking idea.” Billy grumbles, matching Max’s bitterness.

“We’ll have to call a meeting.”

“Will my basement work?”

“No offense, but I don’t think he’s getting past your mom.” Dustin nods towards Billy, the older boy rolling his eyes even though he’s not wrong, then offers, “My mom doesn’t like visitors. Maybe Will’s?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Byers will let anybody come over.”

“And she already knows what’s going on.”

They all nod again, and Billy rolls his eyes at them again while Lucas relays their decision to Max, “Alright, meet us at Will’s in an hour.”

“Why that long though? We’re all here right now.”

“Gives us time to cover our tracks, shitbird.” Billy hums in response to Max, stepping forward and asking, “What’s the damn address?”

This ‘meeting’ the twerps called was pretty much everyone in this hick town that knows the same dirty little secret as he does getting together in a tiny house and panicking. Billy and Max get fully interrogated like, a dozen times, once by the damned chief of police himself, all the while everyone is coming up with theories and plots and arguing. So much fucking arguing among this lot.

It gets to be too much pretty quickly, day five in this place and he’s already having to jump back into some of the worst things that ever happened to him. None of these people realize how big this is. Especially not the kids who just think it’s badass to fight monsters.

He leaves without telling anyone, or without anyone noticing among the chaos, to the back porch to light one up. There’re ashtrays all over the house he could use, but looming smoke in that cramped little kitchen wasn’t going to be any better than watching it curl upwards to the stars. So outside it was.

He leans against the wall, gaze fixing straight to what’s above him. He doesn’t notice the presence of another person until he hears them speak, startling slightly at the sound of a voice breaking the calm silence of a humid November night.

It’s Steve, sitting on a rusty and banged up glider at the opposite end on the porch, lit up just like he is. “So, uh. I guess you’re a part of this now?”

“I guess I am.”

Steve just nods and responds simply, effectively ending the conversation, “Right.”

But that’s not satisfying to Billy. He might appreciate peace more than what’s going on in that house, but he doesn’t like empty silence either. “What’re we all awkward like this for, Harrington? Spit out what you’re thinkin’.”

“I dunno, man.”

Billy frowns, prompting, “Come on. I know them gears are turnin’ over there. You've been quiet since we all got here.”

Steve looks away from him, but he does answer, “I dunno it’s just.. We’ve lost so much. People died because of this. People I knew. And I don’t like that anyone else is involved I guess.”

Billy scoffs, “Even me? You don’t even know me other than the asshole you met at the party last night.”

“So? What do you mean even you? I don’t want anyone anywhere near those fucking monsters. Could be my worst enemy and I’d still save them. I’d protect anyone from those things.” The haunted look behind his eyes, which seem so tired the longer Billy looks, tells Billy everything he needs to know.

He doesn’t mean to sound so soft when he asks, “What makes you so confident you can? Save ‘em I mean.”

“I fought a demogorgon myself. Well, not really by myself. Nancy and Jonathan were there. But I took a nail bat to its fucking face. Like hell I’d just let one of those things get anyone. Even you.” Steve

Billy flicks away his burnt out cigarette, sitting next to Steve on the old glider. “That’s real touching H, but I ain’t letting nobody sacrifice themselves for me. Need I remind you I’ve fought these assholes too.”

“But you told the kids you didn’t. Said it was all your friend.” Steve looks at him, sort of doubtful, but Billy blows off the remark, “No shit Sherlock. I ain’t airing all my business to any nosy brats like them.”

“I get that, but.. “ Hesitantly, he clarifies, “Is.. your friend, you know, even real?”

Billy must look at him like he grew a second head, “Shit, man, you think I’m one of those freaky experiments? No way. ‘Course he was real.”

“Oh. You said ‘was.’ Does that mean...” Steve’s voice trails off, sparing him hearing the words out loud.

“Don’t know. He got caught about two years back. Haven’t heard from him since. They might’a brought ‘im back here, they might’a killed him. I dunno.” Billy shrugs, picking at his nails while he talks so he doesn’t have to acknowledge Steve, or the fact that he’s even admitting this shit to him, “That’s why we’re here in Hawkins though. Susan’s got family over in Hope and a little ways up by Indie, so I suggested Hawkins. Just to come see where he came from. Get some closure I guess.”

“Guess he was really important to you then?” Steve smiles softly, but Billy only sighs through his nose, “You got no idea, Harrington.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll meet someone like him again.” He offers.

Somehow that sentiment immediately sets Billy on edge though, something about his tone implying that he knows, knows him and six were more than just friends, and Billy really doesn’t want to face that kind of monster tonight. He snaps, suddenly defensive, “What the hell’s that s’posed to mean?”

Steve’s face falls a little, evidently surprised by how upset Billy is, and he tries to fix it, “Oh I just thought that, the way you talked about him- and you look so sad when you do- that he was, you know, special to you.”

“So what? You gonna leave me to the monsters or some shit for that?” Billy growls, quickly warranting more defense from Steve, “What? No way. No I.. I get it, Billy. I do. More than you probably think I do.”

Billy half nods, his shoulders untensing as he slowly recognizes Steve’s genuinity. He mumbles eventually, working through what he needs to in his head to be comfortable talking openly with him again, “Didn’t expect to be getting relationship counseling too. That your assignment on the team, mister romance expert?”

“Shut up. You’ve never seen me swing a bat before.”

“Oh believe me, I cannot wait to.”

Steve’s smile returns, something Billy is personally glad for, though he might not be ready for that realization yet. He bumps their shoulders together, to hold Billy's attention and let him know he’s genuine, “Still, in all seriousness man, I hope you can find someone else like that for you. I know it’s not really easy pickings around here.”

This time, Billy’s tone is light, his features soft and vulnerable for the boy next to him, for the way he makes him feel less weighed down, less alone in this, “You got no idea, Harrington.”

[bangchanshehe]

Bodyguard Lee Pt. 2

You met a kind stranger wandering the streets of Athens who was willing to go out of his way to help you. But across the globe weeks later you cross paths with him again. Could having this many unexpected meetings be a happy coincidence or an ill-fated destiny?

word count:2k

Three days later you were back in Seoul and unpacking your luggage. It had been the most exhausting and chaotic week of your life and you were happy that you were finally able to at least get back to your normal routines. And while things weren’t going to slow down for you any time soon you at least had more of a sense of normalcy.

You smiled to yourself as you unpacked all of your trinkets and threw your used clothes into the laundry. But most of all you were excited to see your mom and share with her the necklace that you had found for her while you were out looking for souvenirs. You thought back on that night and smiled to yourself.

The man that had helped you in Greece gave you such a good impression of the city that was so miserable for you so far. As the two of you drove past historical buildings and prominent locations he explained their significance. And any place that you wanted to go to he took you there with a smile on his face. by the end of the night you felt like the two of you had been friends who had met each other for the first time in a while as opposed to the strangers that you were. The two of you talked amongst yourselves and you found out that he was a Korean national who was working in Greece. Most importantly there was no pressure to act a certain way in front of him because of who you were, everything was completely natural instead. If it wasn’t for his assistance you would have gone back to your hotel empty handed and upset that you weren’t able to find anything to bring back. And In the end you weren’t able to get his last name to give him a proper thank you or even find him on social media but you would always remember his first name. Taemin.

“shit” you screeched out as the sound of your ringtone startled you out of your fond memories.

You pulled out your phone and took a deep breath before you answered the call from your manager. You couldn’t go a single hour without someone from your company trying to contact you about something. you had just gotten dropped off outside of your apartment less than 30 minutes ago, and you were happy that you were able to be in your own space once more. But now you were back to being the busy entertainer once more.

“hello?” you asked bitterly, not even bothering to conceal the disappointment and frustration in your voice.

“y/n, tomorrow morning the company wants to recruit some new security team members to travel with us while you go on tour. I’ve sent you their resumes so take a look and let me know who your top three are. They want to hire the new members as soon as possible so they can start their training.” Your manager quickly barked out before she hung up on you.

You pulled the phone away from your face and double checked that she really hung up on you, and the moment you confirmed you scoffed. What the hell… you thought to yourself. I guess she needs the time off as much as I do too.

You quickly opened up your email and looked at the recently received message and scowled. You had never hired someone before and you didn’t know what to look for in a resume to make an educated decision on who to hire. And you honestly didn’t care who would end up being on your security team as long as they would protect you and were professional.

You clicked on the message and opened the attachments to see ten resumes in total. You let out a sigh and meticulously went through each persons accomplishments and previous employment. Each one of them had a lot of strong accomplishments and experience that would make them valuable members. And you were completely at a loss as to who to choose until you looked at the last resume. He was last employed by the Korean ambassador who was stationed in Greece, he had lost of merits and rewards and he seemed to be very professional.

You grinned to yourself and mentally congratulated the man for being in the running. You scrolled up to see his name and information and your eyes almost jumped out of your head when you saw his application headshot.

“Taemin?” you asked out loud in complete disbelief.

The chances of this happening was slim to none. No, it was less than that. It was almost impossible.

But if his resume didn’t already speak for itself his helpfulness and courtesy of helping you in Greece did. You didn’t really care who the other two members would be, but you knew for a fact that you wanted Taemin as one of your members. It was the last thing that you could do for him since you weren’t ever able to properly thank him.

You immediately emailed your manager back that you didn’t care who the other two were but you absolutely wanted Taemin on your team, and then shut down your laptop. You were excited to see Taemin once more and congratulate him on getting the job. You imagined how shocked he would be to see you once more but this time as a prominent entertainer.

The next morning you got up with a smile. It felt good to sleep a normal amount of time and in your own bed again. You took your time enjoying your morning coffee and you relaxed as you got ready. You had opted to wear something more casual and comfortable for the day since you had worn such heavy and extreme clothes during your shoot.

when your manager had finally arrived at your apartment she gave you a call and you quickly grabbed your belongings and met her in your van.

“good morning” she said chipperly

“morning” you replied back

“today your schedule is a little tight” your manager said with a sorry tone “this morning we have a photoshoot for promotions, then you have a vocal and choreography training session. After a short lunch break you have an interview and then in the evening you have a meeting with the producers and event coordinators.”

You leaned forward towards your managers seat “will we have time to see the candidates for the security team?” you asked her hopeful that you would be able to greet Taemin on the team personally

Your manager hummed and looked at the clock “im not too sure what time their final interview is but with your schedule today its pretty unlikely.” She said

You sat back in your seat and let out a small sigh. It was too bad that you wouldn’t be able to see Taemin, but this was your life. Constantly missing out on the things that you want to do.

The time was currently 7pm and you were staring at the sunset as your day finally came to an end. You were waiting for your manager to pull your car around in the garage when you had made eye contact with someone who you didn’t expect to see.

“y/n-ssi” one of the directors called out to you.

You had immediately turned to him with a professional smile and bowed in greeting but inside you were dying. You had hoped that he was going to simply pass by you but instead he had stopped right next to you.

“I wanted to introduce you to the newest members of your security team.” He said holding a hand out towards the three men that were behind him.

Your eyes immediately widened and your attention was heightened. You didn’t think that seeing taemin would be possible today but you were gladly proven wrong.

“this is Seonghwa, Minho, and Kai” the director stated their names

As soon as you saw the faces of each of the new members your smile immediately turned into a frown. You had looked at each of the men and then up to the company director. Sure you had seen each of the men’s resumes and they were highly qualified, but if you had met any of them on the side of the road and asked for help you were sure that none of them could give you the same treatment as Taemin gave you in Greece.

“director, may I speak to you for a minute?” you asked him and he gave you a gesture to walk a distance away to speak. Once the two of you were a few yards away from the gentlemen you whispered your questions. “what happened to Taemin-ssi?” you asked “I really liked his resume and thought that he would be really good for the job.”

The director gave you a smile before he answered “we did too. His resume and previous employment was quite impressive. However, he wasn’t interested in a job that required leaving the country. He is interested in more of a regular full-time job in Korea.” He answered

You lowered your head and let out a small sigh. Although you were hopeful to run into him again it was understandable that he would want to stay in Korea since he had been in Greece for a while. And you couldn’t blame him for that. He probably also had a family in Korea that he missed dearly.

“I understand” you said to the director

The two of you shared a mutual look of agreement before you approached the new men once more.

“congratulations on joining the team.” You said to the men giving them a smile “ill be off now. have a good night”

The men politely bowed and responded with goodnight and get home safely. You had bowed back politely and then retreated to the parking garage where your manager would pick you up.

You hadn’t received a message from your manager yet that she had arrived but you wanted to get out of the building as quickly as possible. Your hopes of having taemin joining your team was a bummer, but you were more upset that you wouldn’t see him again more than anything.

It had felt like for the first time in a long time you were able to make a friend who wasn’t under any sort of impression or had expectations based on what your career was. And maybe you were reading too much into that night in Greece, but you really did feel like Taemin had become a friend. Or maybe it was just your brain creating a scenario out of nothing since you needed companionship so badly.

You had felt a tap on your shoulder and you had turned around without looking at the person. You were looking down at your feet when you had asked “can we stop at the convenience store before you drop me off at home?”

“sure. What do you need?” you heard a man’s voice asking back

You had immediately snapped your head up when you heard the voice that was so unfamiliar to you. You looked up at the mans face and was unable to recognize him past his black hat and mask that hid his facial features.

“im sorry, you must have the wrong person.” You said quietly and hid your face hoping that you could simply back away from the situation and wait inside for your manager.

“no, ive got the right person” he man said and his eyes crinkled in a smile

You looked him up and down and red flags went off and alarm bells rang in your head. The man pulled out a box cutter just far enough out of his jacket pocket for you to see as he pushed the blade out all the way.

“quietly, I want you to get into the car.” The man said in a scattered and panicked voice

You put your hands up and you began to take small shaky steps towards his car door. As you got closer the man circled around so he was no approaching you instead of you stepping towards him. When you opened the car door and sat down inside he began barking commands at you.

“put the ankle cuffs and handcuffs on.”

You nodded your head and you began to place the cuffs around your feet. But as tears sprung to your eyes and your hands began to shake you weren’t able to put on the cuffs as quickly as the man wanted you to.

“faster!” the man yelled and you began to sob

You tried to calm yourself down as you blinked away your tears and tried to focus. But the fear that swept through your body only made things worse.

How had no one seen you on the security cameras and come to help. What was taking your manager so long that she wasn’t here already. And why was this happening to you?

You had finally snapped the handcuffs on when you had heard a loud crunch and a body had hit the pavement next to you outside of the car. You looked down at the man who was now lying still and let out a loud sob when you saw the mans mask. When you realized that the danger was finally gone you looked up to who had saved you, and you completely lost control of your emotions.

Of all people who you had hoped would help you never did you imagine that it would be Taemin to your rescue.

[kiegosbby]

Thank you for responding so fast! Could you do a bakugo(or midorya either is good) x reader fic where reader gets pregnant, then decides to leave before her s/o finds out. She leaves without a trace and only a few if any people know where she is. A few years down the line and her now former s/o stumble upon each other while she has the kid with her. Id like a better ending but do what you want!!!! I love your writing 'positive it'll be amazing!! sorry if this is oddly specific!

OH MY GOODNESS. First I love the idea! tbh I love any kind of angst of any sort so 🥰🥰 second, we simply would never do that to midorya, so bakugo angst it is. I’ll make it a good ending since most my stories are bad endings. I can’t leave you guys sad so this is for y’all 😊😊 thank you for the support !!

may we meet again.

Bakugo x f!reader

warnings: panic attack, angst, and a lot of crying

✁- - - - - - r- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it was a cold night, turning from fall to winter.

you had been feeling off lately, but nothing out of the normal. but what had really set your nerves off was when you started having morning routine puke sessions.

your brain has been ruining wild. with bakugo competing to become top hero he would never have time for a child. he wouldn’t be able to be the father you wanted him to be. you knew what you had to do, but the difficult part was doing it.

first you had to make sure you were pregnant. you finished your shift at your daytime job. which you had took to not go insane waiting for him to come home, you went to a nearby drugstore and bought a test. you rushed home to take it before bakugo got home.

you entered your house, you were nervous, you were shaking badly. You were letting your nerves get the best of you. what if you weren’t pregnant and you were just overreacting? you and bakugo would be fine.

you walked into the bathroom, and quickly peed on the stick, set it on the counter and waited for it to decide your fate.

you sat down on the cold tile floors and waited, thinking of all the possibilities that could happen. if you weren’t pregnant you and bakugo could be happy, he could focus on becoming number one hero, and you could be there to help him. but if you were pregnant you’d have no choice but to leave. he doesn’t need a burden like that to keep him from being the hero he wanted to be. you didn’t even know if bakugo wanted kids. he didn’t seem like a family kinda guy. you were scared shitless.

you cleared your head and looked up at the counter, it had definitely been longer then needed. you reached up slowly grabbing the test. You faced it away from you until you were settled on the tile again.

you slowly turned it around, sucking a deep breath in and holding it.

there was two lines. you were fucked.

you started hyperventilating, this was the worst case scenario. what were you going to do? you couldn’t breathe you gasped trying to get air in but nothing was happening. tears were streaming down your face, and you shoved the test in your pocket, going outside to try and get air, you needed something something to get you out of this state.

you went outside and the cold air hit your lungs and it felt like millions of needles. Your breathing slowed down and you were calming down now. until you heard the door open. fuck.

bakugo walked in, two take out bowls of ramen in his hand, and he had a smile on his face. you couldn’t leave now, you can’t break him like that.

you quickly wiped your tears before taking a few deep breaths, and preparing yourself to go into the house and face your lover.

you walked inside trying to act normal, and you almost broke when he pulled you into a tight hug and gave you a quick kiss. maybe you could stay and raise it together, be happy.

your mood started to lighten until you both sat down and started talking about how work was.

“I raised a rank today baby! Isn’t that so exciting? I’m going to be working a few more hours so I hope you don’t mind do you?” he had a smile on his face, how could you ruin this? you couldn’t. you had to follow along.

you smiled “of course baby, I’m so excited for you. And working a few more hours wouldn’t help me at all” you put your hand under the table, pinching yourself to stop yourself from crying. biting back the tears, you finished your meal quickly and sat on the couch. Just wanting to relax and enjoy these last few moments.

bakugo came and sat down next to you, pulling you into his lap cuddling you. you let out silent tears and burned the feeling into your body.

the next day as bakugo got ready for work, you stayed by his side and touched him as much as you can, making him look weird at you.

“what’s wrong baby? your acting weird” he said and pulled you in a tight hug thinking you just needed extra attention.

“im gonna miss you katsuki that’s all” you mumbled trying to hold everything back as long as you could.

“I’ll be home soon princess don’t worry, I have a short day today I shouldn’t be long.” he kissed your forehead and grabbed his stuff to walk out the door.

“bye I love you princess” He said and with that he left.

you quickly gathered everything you needed, some clothes your toiletries and anything else you needed.

you quickly took a piece of paper and wrote bakugo a quick note.

‘bakugo, I’m sorry for how this had to end. I love you but this is for the best.

may we meet again. ‘

you shakily put the note down and grabbed your bag and left.

~time skip 4 years later~

after you left, you moved to America. leaving your life behind you tried to move on only telling a couple of your friends.

you had given birth on Halloween and had a beautiful baby boy. you named him suki. the nickname his father had. You wanted to remember him somehow.

you and suki had to move back to Japan, you had a huge work promotion and couldn’t deny it. you were scared that you would see him, and he would take your son away. you had coke something so horrible, and you wish you could take it back. Maybe his reaction would have been different then you thought. maybe he would have expected you.

you looked the same as you did the day you left. nothing had changed. Your son looked like bakugo, and it honest scared you. His hair, his eyes, everything. The only thing he got from you was his nose. so if bakugo saw you and your son, you were utterly screwed.

you and suki were walking through the park, it was a bright day and you thought it was a perfect day to go for a walk.

you and suki sat down at a bench and he laid his head in your lap looking up at the clouds. you closed your eyes and smelled the air.

“y-y/n?”

your eyes shot open and fear ran through your body.

“bakugo?” you said nervously, he was wearing his hero costume and looked like he was on patrol.

“Mommy look it’s ground zero!” your son jumped off your lap and ran towards him, pushing his arms out.

“I have a quirk like yours! I want to be a hero like you one day!” suki said happily, finally getting to see his idol.

“oh is that right little kid? show me your quirk” bakugo crouched down going eye level with your son.

he stuck his arm out and sparks flew from his hand “isnt it so cool! Mommy said that I’m going to be in a hero course!” your son was so happy, you hated that you took him away from this.

“Suki why don’t you let me talk to ground zero for a second come sit on the bench and wait for mommy” he went and sat down at the bench waiting for you

“I can explain jus-“

“explain! Explain why you have a fucking kid who looks exactly like me??” he was whisper yelling. trying not to disturb your son.

“the day before I left, I found out I was pregnant and I didn’t want to stop you from accomplishing your dreams to become a hero so I did what I thought was best and left.. I regret it everyday.” you started crying softly and avoided eye contact. you were embarrassed. you felt so stupid.

“Y/n listen to me. no matter what I want you in my life. I wish we could go back and change it but please let me be in your guys life. I’m a mess without you I need you. I want to get to know him and be a great dad for him please” he was begging at this point you were shocked, you thought he would hate you not want to see you not want anything to do with you but this? This is more than you could ever want

“Bakugo i would love a second chance. I would do anything to be like how we used to.” He stared to tear up, you’ve never seen him liek this before.

“I missed you so much” he pulled you in for a hug, wrapping his arms around you never wanting to let you go.

“I missed you to” your son got up, and ran over to the both of you.

“yay mommy we’re giving hugs!” He ran and hugged both of your legs.

you closed your eyes, hoping this moment would never end.



[prettyboykatsuki]

why do u copy ppls ideas?

sigh. 

ngl most times i get serious hate i just delete and keep it pushing but this ask was genuinely pretty upsetting cause i try pretty hard to be original / a lot of my content is stuff straight from my brain or inspired by my life and it felt like it was only sent to upset me rather than actually address something serious 

it’s worse bc a lot of times people have taken stuff straight off of my page and i’ve had work stolen before so im super, duper careful about asking people before i write or run with a concept because i know how awful it feels. 

but on the basis of good faith that this someone’s serious accusation that i copied them or they feel like i’ve taken something from them - i’ll talk to you, meet you in the middle and promote your stuff on here with a statement after we’ve spoken privately, and as a pre-requisite i genuinely am sorry for doing that no matter how unintentionally it might’ve been. i would never ever copy someone's ideas with malice or intent to harm. i know it sucks. 

but given the nature of this ask (i.e. the fact there is absolutely no context) i would say you probably just said this to 1. upset me or 2. you saw something on my blog that someone else had made before not realizing that things trend in tumblr circles and i was hopping onboard with it. i have plenty of content that has probably been done before like my bnha as tweets post and my bnha submissive and breedable 

it’s not copying an idea to do multiple versions of a trend but if that’s you’re idea of copying, i guess do with that what you will. 

also i see you’ve sent multiple asks about it so if i get another one simply because you feel like upsetting someone, i’ll just turn off anon for a while until i feel like it’s good to turn back on. 

i know it’s easy to be an asshole because you don’t know me but im a human being and i take my writing and have a space to laugh and joke pretty seriously and my ability to be original and unique is very important to me. i keep things light here but please don’t send me something so accusatory just because you think i’ve stolen something rather than addressing it with me and talking to me about it 

i hope you have a good day anon

[backseatsiren]

A Dramatic Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here! There are a couple of reasons: first, my life has reached brave new heights of busy - I was promoted to Editor in Chief at work a bit over a year ago, and my responsibilities there obviously take a lot of time. I’m also teaching more courses than usual at Berklee (right now, one section of Film and TV and two of Game Design Principles), and, as usual, I’m training grappling on top of it all. Plus, naturally, the ambulance. I’m hitting my tour hours, and proud to do it, and as pumped as ever to be an EMT in this neighborhood.

I’m also... very, very, VERY slowly *actually writing a book* about all of this. I’ve begun interviewing a few fellow EMTs, mainly volunteers, about what it is we do. Because of how insane my schedule is, it’ll be a very long term project, and I can’t put any pressure to finish soon. But, especially through the pandemic, I’ve felt a desire to document and interview and report on the idea of volunteer emergency medical services in New York City, here in Brooklyn and Queens, and I think other folks might be interested in reading a bit about it.

But I’d like to get back into the practice of writing about calls and concepts and experiences. As always, I’ll respect patients and patient privacy, and will never reveal identifying information or anything inappropriate.

Today was a fairly busy day, but it started with a bit of a dramatic call. We were called to an unknown, and flagged down by a bystander. A man called us over and told us that he saw a man lying on the train tracks (a less-used track, not the subway or commuter rail or anything). He said he regularly feeds a colony of feral cats there, and noticed the gentleman lying down the way.

We thanked him and high tailed it over, yelling out to him (the usual “sir are you ok?”). My more experienced (many, many years in EMS, including at a much higher level of certification) partner took a look at him and said “he might be dead” and began looking forward a pulse. He went for more help (another ambulance was arriving and they needed to be directed over, the physical layout of the space was weird), and he instructed me to look for a pulse. I did, and found nothing. My other partner (a newer EMT, just cleared for CC status, who I also love working with), said “he’s cold to the touch.”

It was raining lightly. The tracks were a little slick, and there was some litter. It’s early may, and the grass had that beautiful sheen on it, that it gets in the rain. Weird things, visual and sense memory things, are coming back as I write about it.

He was lying down on his face on the tracks. I checked for a carotid pulse again and felt nothing. I checked his hands - they were closed and held tight. Rigor Mortis. I checked his arms, his coat, his clothing, careful not to mess with anything, but looking for lividity. He was bleeding from his face, and, on inspection, his face was very clearly badly injured, bruised, and bloated. I was wearing an N95, but even so, you could smell that he was deceased.

I told my more experienced partner that when he arrived with the other crew. We inspected the scene - noting a shovel and some other tools. There was a little encampment nearby - possibly where this man lived. Beer and food in a little shelter.

It certainly looked like foul play was possible. I learned a few minutes later (on my next call) that the cops did start an investigation there.

As one of the other EMTs from the other crew noted, it was “like a movie scene.” Something about the rain and the light, the way the blood pooled, the way the ants crawled around in it... was surreal. It may have been my less experienced partner’s first DOA when they were first on the scene (it wasn’t mine, but it was certainly the first *outdoor* DOA where I’ve been first and had to help establish that). It was my first suspected murder scene.

And yes, it was deeply sad. There’s some initial adrenaline, for me, in every call. There would be more on my other calls today. There is a voice in my head that repeats a lot of the basic instructions and goes through scenarios: “ABCs” (a note to always prioritize airway, breathing, and circulation). I think about what happened in any given situation and what I should do for my patient. I look for threats to everyone’s safety. And when I can breathe and get a clearer picture of what’s going on, that’s when I can start to process things a bit.

We covered him with a clean sheet from the ambulance and did all the things we needed to do. We talked about it a little, after the call. But I always need to think about things for a few hours after, which is what I’m doing here, by writing about it a bit.

I’m a deeply, empathetic person. I feel for my patients. The call I’m about to talk about - the very next call - required that of me in a different way. But in this scenario, I want to first do everything right for the person and situation, and next, be as respectful as humanly possible. This poor man died - was very probably killed - and was left outside in the rain. I don’t know much about his life, and very little about his death. The whole scenario is very sad, and very surreal.

Every time I’ve had a dead patient, it’s stuck with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget my first, a woman who very probably died of a heart attack or in her sleep, and her son found her. He was mourning. He was on top of the body, hugging her, crying “I’m sorry, mommy,” and there’s... I guess there’s nothing on earth like that. Nothing like that kind of pain. People, as a rule, do not expect to see their loved ones deceased, and when we do, we usually have a ceremony for it.

I’m just a bystander to that. I can do nothing to help the deceased person, and very little for a mourning loved one, besides being a respectful, empathetic human presence. For my deceased patient today, all we could do was establish that he was dead and do the proper things to ensure his remains would be taken care of (and his death investigated).

My next call was very different, but it was heavy in a different way. We got a call for, basically, a suicidal young woman. We arrived, with PD, to her door. The officers assessed things to an extent, but she revealed that she had been traumatized by police in the recent past, and didn’t want any police in her home. I talked with her calmly, and was able to relieve the cops and take this one, with my partner.

We listened to her. She had obviously been through some extreme trauma and needed mental health resources. I won’t reveal any details here, but I had to keep assuring her that I had no handcuffs and wasn’t interested in taking her against her will. She was terrified of being taken somewhere she didn’t want to go, and I basically sat calmly with her and talked to her about her options. Just talking. Just listening.

This is a case, like a patient a couple of years ago, where I’m very happy to take my time. I’m a volunteer, man. I’m not grinding through a shift for miserable pay, as most EMTs are - I’m here because I frankly want to be useful in this manner.

And I’m happy to sit with a person going through emotional hell, because this is what I can help with. I’m five years into being an EMT with RVAC. I do this 2-3 shifts per month, so I’ll never be the fastest, best, EMT in NYC. But I can be the most patient EMT, and I can give plenty of extra time to a person.

I’m not a therapist, and I don’t pretend to be. That’s what I told her - first, that I’m not a cop, I don’t have cuffs, I have no interest in taking her if she’s of sound mind and doesn’t want to go. Then, second, that I’m no doctor, and no therapist, and that I want her to have resources if she needs them.

We talked more, and did more vitals, and she decided she wanted to come to a mental health facility. We explained every step of the process to her, and what she could expect, and what to bring.

Do I wish I was an actual therapist who could help this girl right away? Yeah. Do I wish I had the ability to make mental health policy that provides good, effective, supportive therapy to all human beings who need it? Yeah. Do I wish I could do better for her than an ER with psych specialists? Where she could easily get lost in the cracks or simply never connect with what she truly needs? Yeah.

I can only take her to a place where people are at least trained to assess her and offer her further resources. I can only hope they actually can help, and do so.

I had another call where we did a bit of *psychological first aid* not long after that. A dramatic scene! A young woman fainted at work at a store, and several people were surrounding her and holding her at the scene! Folks were holding her hands and crying.

It looked wild at first glance, but our patient was completely ok - we got her out, had medics assess her completely, and brought her to the ER while assuring her parents that things looked ok. Her mother was extremely upset, and we had a bit of a language barrier, but we were able to assure her and let her know things looked ok, that her child had very promising vitals and EKG readings, and we just needed the ER visit to make sure.

The medics helping us out were INCREDIBLE. They offered a full walkthrough for us of what was going on physiologically with her and gave a very helpful tip on scenes like that - give bystanders little jobs (just simple stuff, like holding the door, or looking for something like a towel) to do! It helps (caring, kind, just want to help) folks feel helpful when they get scared, especially in dramatic-looking situations.

A lot of drama today. A lot of learning. I felt really good about taking charge with my psych patient and helping her to feel safe and able to make her own decision. Im glad we were able to help our young fainting patient. And as much as it’s heavy, I’m glad I was at least on scene today for our first call. I know I can do nothing but confirm obvious death, but, I take some heart in the kind bystander who called for him (the gentleman who feeds cats nearby).

At least someone cared enough to try.

I’m forever grateful for my partners, for the folks who have taken the time to teach me (back when I was VERY green and still, to this day, as I am learning every single shift), and for the patients who trust me to do my best for them. 

I noticed today, this month marks five years of doing this, with my volunteer corps. I can only hope I learn more and become a more effective EMT as I go.