#sorry i got The Gays™

[yasamlynn]

Despite all the ships I have with Brooklynn I really want her to end up single lol

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Okay, I know I've literally never talked about Supernatural before on this blog but I actually am a massive fan of the series. I could honestly run an entire separate blog about it. Anyway I rediscovered Milo Greene's song "What's the Matter" earlier and it got me thinking about the episode Bitten.

People have eased up on this episode in recent years but overall the general opinion is still pretty negative, which I think is sad since this is probably one of my personal favorites. Keep in mind it's been a couple years since I've rewatched the show, so I'm running mostly on memory here.

First things first, I think it helps keep the series connected to its roots. After season 5, they kept trying to one up themselves in terms of stakes, ultimately leading to such events as "Satan's son's birth opens the multiverse". And we were sitting in the aftermath of Dick and the Leviathans™ where the show was heading back on its stride, so it feels really nice to just remind us where we began. Saving people, hunting things.

Second, it actually does a lot for the worldbuilding. We get to actually see the perspective of both the people being saved and the things to be hunted, all while they have to grapple with it. While they may not be the most compelling, it was really important we got to see the evolution of these friends, a view into the mundane yet interesting history of these regular people's lives. That way it really hits when things go to shit, you (or at least me) genuinely wish things could have gone differently for them. These people had dreams and goals, loved ones, and now two of them are dead and the other is on the run. All that and they still manage to convey it in a way that feels mostly organic.

On top of that, we get a particularly interesting glimpse into how Sam and Dean look from the perspective of strangers, including some interesting character details. Their shenanigans, their work. We really never get to see people who recognize them from other things (like don't they technically still have warrants for their arrest?) so I thought it was cool how the characters pick up on that.

The found footage aspect is usually hated by people, but I thought it was a really cool way to see it unfold. Cause remember, they could have easily just given us an episode from someone else's POV. But instead, we experience it as the brothers experience it. Context for certain things is missing, there are time jumps and finally it ends with a message directly for them both.

It makes sense that they would film what they do too (for the most part). We see that these are people who record fun and mundane things just for the hell of it, so of course they would record one of the most strange and harrowing events of their lives. In an era where people record strangers for internet points, it's honestly refreshing to see people record mostly just for the sake of capturing memories or entertainment for themselves.

I know a lot of people like it, but it holds a special place in my heart. When I think of the heart of the show, I don't think about the world ending or the multiverse or any of that, I think of stuff like this. Things that really stick in your mind.

And also that song fucks.

[megaawkwardhuman]

GUESS WHAT'S FINALLY HERE BITCHESSSSSSSSS!?!?!?

after a rollercoaster of a week for me y'all have NO IDEA how happy this makes me to say but

THE TRAILER FOR SEASON 5 IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that means looking far too much into it!!!!! :D

OK so I have A LOT of thoughts so I'm going to do bullet points

right off the bat (hehehhe bat) nandor never fucking change XD love how he thought that would work

oh yeah speaking of nandor we have a scary lack of him in the trailer or at least what he's going to do this season (mom pick me up I'm scared for my cringefail)

to say what's on everyone's mind OH MY FUCKING GOD FINALLY LET'S GOOOOOOO

MY BOY DID IT HE'S GOING TO BE A VAMPIRE DFOJWEBOKFHEJBKGREHIWLGJHIGKFEIYWLEGUKFELIQPEGDFKIELYUQ;OWDGFKLHI3U1;O

well at some point? by the looks of it we're kinda getting a have your cake and eat it too when it comes to guillermo being a vampire and ngl kinda upset about it if it's going how I think it's going

I swear if he's practically normal until the very fucking end I will raise HELL

also I love how chaotic his turning is XD

"I WASN'T READY" NOBODY IS

colin for office babyyyyyyyy

I see everyone talking about colin and nadja BUT WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS IJRBH302HGOUFRHI3YGUFE3HI2PUO LMFAOOOOOOO XD

also (DON'T QUOTE ME ON THIS) I think this is the first time we're seeing colin flirt/do anything remotely romantic or whatever to a dude in the show (which confirms that every main character is queer but we already knew that lol)

the scene with the microphone woke me up (well so did vamp guillermo but the mic REALLY woke me up)

so the guy in the promo WAS nandor huh

WLW NADJA LET'S GOOOOOO

love how outdated laszlo's medical stuff is

YAY HE'S NOT GOING TO WEAR ONLY SWEATERS SO HE'S POSSIBLY NOT GOING TO GO BACK IN CHARACTER AS I FEARED

d-did nandor bring guillermo to a basketball game out of jealousy?

IS THAT A HAMMER!?!?!

NANDOR WTF ARE YOU GONNA DO!?!?!?!?!?!??!

nadja pouring coffee on her date's plate XD

ayyyy the sire!

ok I'm assuming part of nadja's and colin's plots will revolve around getting a date??????

THE MALL

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THE VAMPIRES AT A MALL FOR A WHILE NOW JBIFEWE2OBJFEOGHPI2EFBEJOHIP2E THIS MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY

I'm assuming the store nandor is at is a hot topic/spencer's stand in

if it is PLZ LET THERE BE A LOOKING AT THE BACK OF SPENCER'S SCENE (for those who have never step foot in a spencer's it's basically a common mall store that has edgy shit and the back is known for having sex toys and other nsfw shit in it think of it as the edgy older brother of hot topic)

"that's how we all learn" UHHH TF!??!

glad to see laszlo accept guillermo and help him learn how to vampire :) (let's hope the others will)

also NANDOR YOU SAW NOTHING

DAAAAAAMN COLIN JESUS FUCK

by the looks of it nadja and colin's plots will at some point involve dating??????

AWWWWWW charmaine is supportive of sean

this has been said a million times but NANDOR IS FUCKING CUTE IN HIS SEAN COMING OUT OUTFIT!!!!!! THE LITTLE BELLY!!!!!!!

if I remember correctly (AND I REALLY HOPE I'M WRONG) but the last time we saw nandor THIS happy was during the wellness canter cluster fuck so I'm REALLY glad he's going to be happy this season

YOOOO SEASON 4.5?????? (1 I know it was a talk show in 4.5 2 yeah I made this joke already XD)

WHY IS NADJA A BLONDE?????

theory: whatever happened the guide is happening to nadja

the only thing to back it up: they both be blonde

AW SHIT WHY IS THERE A COP CAR?????

THE GUIDEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COLIN X NADJA!?!!!?!?

I MEAN SURE I GUESS???????????????

YEAH SAME GUILLERMO

I'm assuming that what he said is in reaction to him being told he's a dhampir or he's immune or something like that

SHE'S TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO FUCK HER GHOST

hUh weird but ok????

and finally WHAT'S WITH THE MOON SHIT?????

theory: guillermo only shows signs of being a vampire at night which is why he can go out during the day without being burnt to a crisp

overall IJOHEU2P1HIWJBGEU21RPHI2JLGRHILUFHIPUWEQJFU9WGFJDKHIEPQKFVDVGJR THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND ALL DAY HOW TF AM I GOING TO BE NORMAL I HAVE A PARTY TODAY?????? 😭😭😭

CAN'T WAIT DEPOJWBJDOEEFBOOEFONFEONFE

[chisatowo]

Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun

[gardening--tools]

me while playing fo4 because i’m an opinionated bitch and i disagree with bethesda’s character design

anyway. presenting,

a detailed look at every companion’s appearance, according to me.

(these are all headcanons. they might not be yours, but they are mine. i wrote this as a fic-writing reference, but i don't mind sharing so long as we're all nice about it. also, spoilers ahead for companion quests, both in vanilla game and dlcs. you've been warned okay love you have fun. sorry in advance that you can clearly tell who my favorite character is.)

cw: heights represented by the united states customary system. sorry metric users :/

Ada. Modified RobCo Assaultron. 2074 model. SN has been sanded off and replaced with "ADA", painted carefully (lovingly) in blue script. It's clear that it has been reapplied multiple times, as many times as necessary. Post-Mechanist quest, she requests to have the names of her fallen friends painted on her body as well.

Cait. Pre-addiction recovery, scrawny-strong. Blood, muscle, bone and not much else. Very short. Like, south-side of 5'3". Has a very rectangular body shape. Hard angles. Was bright strawberry blonde when she was a kid, but it got darker as she got older. Hazel eyes. Freckles year-round and all over. She doesn't burn super easily, but she doesn't really tan either. Just freckles. Nose is crooked from being broken too many times. Post-addiction recovery she is a beef. cake. With Sole's help and resources she gains plenty of weight post recovery. Other than the normal weight gain that comes after recovering from addiction, she finds she enjoys exercise—especially weight lifting—and that it helps her manage her cravings. Her biceps are unfair. If I can be honest, I really only shared this so I can start proselytizing for my Fat Cait Agenda.

Codsworth. Standard GAI Mister Handy. 2076 Model. SN: 01HND-7619-0163. This is only visible because the 2076 Handys had their SN's embossed. All other markings that were printed or painted on have eroded away. A cute fact about Codsworth is that, despite his 200 years of wear and tear, he doesn't have a single dent on his exterior panels. Not. A. Dent. Scratches, yes. Scuffs, sure. No dents. He takes his structural integrity very seriously, thank you. He will brag about this if you let him.

Curie. Pre-companion quest, Modified GAI Miss Nanny. 2072 Model. SN has been scratched off and replaced with what is probably "CURIE", but the combination of chicken scratch writing and 200 year old marker makes it illegible. Post-personal quest, Generic Female Synth Body. Average body weight, brown hair, brown eyes. (I know she technically has "Hazel Blue" eyes but I disagree. It's my post and I get to make the rules here.) Her only deviation from "average" is her height. Generic Synth Height is 5'10", for both male and female synths. Takes time to look neat—neatly trimmed nails, trimmed hair, etc—and enjoys it.

Danse. M7-97 was a vanity design* so Danse looks a little different from the Generic Synth design. Still has the brown hair, brown eyes, but is a touch shorter than the standard. 5'8". Latino or Hispanic. His hair is insanely thick, but his beard always grows in a little patchy and with the odd blond patch just below his right ear. (This was not an intentional part of his “design.” Genetics, even synthesized genetics, get funky sometimes.) Carries weight like a strongman weightlifter. Thicker than average, even for the Brotherhood, so he's always had to have his flight suits and PA specially altered. (Thicker than average in regards to BODY TYPE you sickos– This is not that kind of post lmao.)

(This post from slocumjoe is a huge influence for my headcanon for Danse! Thank you for going through your archive to find it!)

Deacon. The Average Guy Ever™. Average height, average build. I'm firmly in the "Deacon is a Good Spy, actually" camp, so. Uncanny ability to adjust how he looks just by altering his posture. His weight has always easily fluctuated, so he can go from stick thin to bulked up in a matter of weeks. No matter how many surgeries he gets, he cannot hide the freckles. They always come back. He would have had piano hands if he hadn't been a chronic brawler in his youth. Knuckles are very crooked now. Eyes so blue they're nearly grey. Ginger. Has long eyelashes that are frankly illegal for someone who covers his eyes all the time.

Dogmeat. Dog. He has six toes on his back left foot.

Gage. 5'11". In an alternate universe, would tell people he was 5'9" just to fuck with them. Was a towheaded kid whose hair darkened significantly as he grew up. If he spends a lot of time out in the sun, though, it will turn a sandy blonde/light brown. He keeps his hair short because otherwise it gets very curly and floppy and it really kills his "bad-guy raider" vibe. Would be one of those white boys who tans super well but also thinks wearing sunscreen is for the weak. Scarred to shit. Holds onto muscle for a really long time. Underbite. Slutty little waist because I think that's funny.

Hancock. John Prime was already pretty wiry to begin with, and becoming a ghoul has only emphasized this. 5'7" but seems shorter because he's always leaning on something. Draping, even. He's like if a man was also a liquid, somehow. His remaining hair is incredibly thin, but is the most vibrant golden blonde anyone has ever seen. Eyes are dark due to discoloration, but sometimes—if he's taken in a ton of rads—the edges of his irises will glow subtly. Several piercings on his ears, but he used to have more. Lost them on account of his nose falling off. (You know how it is.) Replaced them with an astonishing collection of rings. Cheekbones that could slice a brahmin. Missing his fourth toe on his right foot.

MacCready. Definition of scrunkly. Not a lick of fat anywhere to be found. 5'5". Has a Gunner tattoo on the left side of his forehead and he hates it. It's why he wears his hat so low. Had an ear pierced once, but it got ripped out ages ago. His left earlobe is split now. He very clearly needed braces growing up but obviously didn't have access to that. Bottom teeth are crooked. His cuticles are picked to shit. Sandy brown hair. Cuts his own hair, but only cares about the hair around his face. Line of sight. Sniper. You get it. Is generally too lazy/uninterested in the rest, and will neglect it until it gets too long, so. Mullet (hot).

Nick. See, the problem with my synth grandpa is that this is the only character whose design Bethesda completely and utterly nailed. Like yeah, he does look like that. You got it. You did it. Perfect, no notes. Like all other Generic Synths, he's 5'10".

Old Longfellow. Exactly what you would expect an Old Hermit-Mariner Driven To Eldritch Madness By The Fog and The Sea would look like. The wildest eyebrows anybody has ever seen. Like you could take a comb through those bad boys. His hair is past his shoulders and fades into his beard. Stark white hair due to the stress of living alone on an island and from What He's Seen. You cannot convince me that there are not some Lovecraftian nasties living in the sea. They Know Longfellow, but Longfellow Knows Them. 6' until he stands up straight and then he's like. 6'5". Liver spots across his face and hands. Looks like he has cataracts in both eyes, but somehow can see better than you.

Piper. By far the companion whose Bethesda!verse appearance I disregard the most. In my heart she is a South Asian woman. On the taller side, between 5'8" and 5'9". Super thick, dark brown hair that in fact does just Look Like That (unfair). Her hair grows from fairly far down on her neck. Deep brown eyes. Spends lots of time on her makeup, even when she's out in the 'wealth chasing leads. Prefers red lips and dark liner close to her lid-lines. Her cupid's bow is super pronounced and she does her makeup to highlight it. On the softer side in regards to physique. Has a burn scar on her right forearm from a cooking mishap back when she was still trying to figure out how to live on her own and take care of Nat at the same time. Bites her nails.

Preston. Personification of someone telling you that everything is going to be all right. Tall, 6'. Pretty standard physique for someone who grew up on a farm and then became a soldier in a wasteland militia. Very square hands. Lets his hair grow out a little bit because he (forgets about it) likes it. Brown eyes that look like honey when the sun hits them. Other than the two scars on his face—one running down his left cheek, the other a small nick on his top lip—he has a scar from a bullet wound on his right shoulder. Has a stick and poke tattoo of the Minuteman coat of arms on his left arm, just where his shoulder meets his bicep. Top lip is bigger than his bottom lip. Dimples when he smiles. Huge smile, smiles with his whole mouth. Legs like an adonis. Someone get this man into some 4' inseam shorts, STAT.

Strong. Super mutant. He was a Butcher, so he's a little beefier than your average mutant. Of course, this is only known to other mutants, as the subtleties of mutant physiology tend to be lost on non-mutated humans.

X6-88. Generic Courser Build. While Generic Synths are designed to blend in with the everyman, Generic Coursers are designed to inspire fear in every man. (booo bad joke tomato tomato) 6'3" but stands so perfectly straight that he seems taller. Has the superhero build, but like naturally. Keeps his hair in a short fade. Bottom lip is lighter than the top lip. Has little lines around his mouth from all his frowning. Has one (1) singular scar on his chin. He won't tell you where he got it (it's from him eating it on concrete steps. That was the one mission he asked for an extension on, so the evidence of him beefing it would heal.) Also chronically wears sunglasses. Behind those aviators are grey eyes that are so pale and sharp, they almost look white.

[saltpepperbeard]

OBLIGATORY COMPLETE OFMD SEASON 2 TEASER THOUGHTS AND SPECULATION POST™

Okay, to start off, I cannot BELIEVE we got this. I cannot BELIEVE we got a voiceover of Stede's note to Ed. We were all thinking it. We were all hoping for it. I CANNOT BELIEVE WE LEGITIMATELY GOT TO SEE AND HEAR HIS LOVE RIGHT OFF THE BAT. HE LOVES HIS ED SO SO MUCH.

Followed by this shot right as Stede is narrating. It's difficult to tell, but it seems like Ed??? The one-armed jacket and the fact that it's layered with Stede's narration makes me quite certain it's him. But ALONE??? AND COMING OUT OF THE SURF??? (There's a shot later that has me PARTICULARLY raising eyebrows at this moment. I'm thinking that he fell off the boat/was lost in that one storm shown later, and Stede of course is going to dive in after him or attempt to get to him in some sort of dramatic way. Which makes me think he and Stede are going to potentially talk feelings/reconcile on the beach)

And the fight choreography of this. Are you actually kidding me right now. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. GETTING TO SEE ED ABSOLUTELY KICKING ASS IN COMBAT??? NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS DID I EXPECT TO SEE A SHOT LIKE THIS BUT I'M HOLLERING SO HARD OVER IT (NOT TO MENTION, AGAIN, LOOKING AT THIS AND A LATER SHOT..........I'LL SCREAM ABOUT MY THOUGHTS WHEN SAID SHOT APPEARS HSKDLS)

Oh, they're PINING pining. They're YEARNING yearning. They're GAY gay.

They want to be back with each other so so so bad I'm losing my mind <3

"Fuck you, Stede Bonnet." The way he's JUST as dramatic as we were all thinking. The way he's hurting in a way WE ALL ANTICIPATED. LIKE, YOU HATE TO SEE IT, BUT MAN DSJKLDSSDKL. Also, the contrast of him saying that vs Stede's voice over is so so insane. The editors are INSANE FOR THAT ONE.

AGAIN, GOING BONKERS OVER ED'S CHARACTERIZATION BECAUSE HE SEEMS EXACTLY HOW I ANTICIPATED. Outwardly, angry, hardened, and cold. Inwardly, heartbroken, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to be back with Stede. Because hello, HELLO, HE'S NOTCHED WHAT I ASSUME TO BE HIS NUMBER OF DAYS WITHOUT STEDE IN THE WALL??????

HI OLU HELLO OLU MY DEAR DARLING OLU

but also screaming and crying and throwing up because this is ALSO what i was anticipating/hoping for. the crew being like "ummmmm lmao captain?? you really think you've got this under control???"

"You think Blackbeard's going to murder you?" I THINK NOT BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EVEN SHOOTING AT JSLDKS. OFF TO THE SIDE??? A WARNING SHOT????? Also the lighting of this and his look matches the ending shot so I'm very eyes emoji at this entire thing.

HOWEVER...

"MURDERER THRICE OVER?????????????"

Like sorry, that sign won't stop me because I can't read. Look at him. LOOK at him. You're telling me he stole the wedding cake toppers so he could PAINT HIMSELF ON THE BRIDE??? SO HE COULD MAKE HIMSELF INTO THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE HE WANTS TO BE????? SO THAT HE COULD PLAY PRETEND MARRIAGE BETWEEN HIMSELF AND STEDE???????

INSANE!!!

INSANE FOR THIS!!!!!!

Again, bonkers editing. The split screen. The CONTRAST between Stede's hopefulness and Ed's depression. The WAY THEY LINED IT UP TO MAKE ED LOOK LIKE HE'S TAKING AIM AT STEDE. THE WAY THIS PROBABLY PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATES THEIR CHARACTERIZATION IN THE FIRST FEW EPISODES HSDJKLSDS LIKE BITING THE EDITORS BITING THEM BITING THEM

ALSO ED AND ALL OF HIS GUNS,,, NINE GUNS???????

It kills me because he's probably being exactly what he thinks people see him as. He's probably like "Oh, you want a monster? I'll give you a monster."

WHICH,,,, NO, HONEY. YOU'RE A SWEETHEART, SORRY ABOUT IT.

AND THEN LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT OUR DARLINGS!!! FANG'S FUCKING SPIKES ARE SO METAL. FRENCHIE'S WOLVERINE COSPLAY SHDJKLSHDLKS. JIM!!! JIM JIM MY BELOVED JIM, AND THEIR PAINTED BEARD. THEIR GENDER!!!!!!!

Honey hsdksjds the drama of it all. THE DRAMA. CRASHING WEDDINGS TO DISRUPT LOVE BECAUSE YOUR OWN WAS DISRUPTED??? SIIIIIIRRRR THE THEATRICS, THE SPICE OF IT ALL

excuse me ma'am that is a gay man shdkjshkls THAT IS A GAY MAN. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING,,,

kiss me instead like wtf

OKAY NOW THIS,,,

THIS.

PRESIDENTIAL ALERT: THE BABYGIRL IS FIGHHHTTTTIIIING

BUT IZZY WATCHING ON??? IZZY????????????

I have Genuine Thoughts™ about this. I have a feeling that the big arc/character development Con mentioned might pertain to him like, REALIZING what's important, and what Ed actually wants and needs. And a good chunk of that will be him realizing the consequences of his actions, and maybe potentially wanting to undo the damage. And also, in his Bitchy Izzy Ways™, he might also get very very tired of Ed's sulking/theatrics and want to rectify things for that reason too.

So I feel like he's going to sort of team up with Stede and show him the ropes for that reason?? So they ALL can work towards betterment???

WHICH IS NUTS LMAO. NEVER EVER EXPECTED THAT.

REGARDLESS, GO STEDE BABY GO!!!

HI REVENGE HELLO REVENGE PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE EXPLODE OR ANYTHING PLEASE BABYGIRL <3

yeah yeah the titties we've all seen them.

BUT AGAIN, AGAIN, STEDE OFF TO THE SIDE. STEDE WATCHING. STEDE LEARNING THE ROPES FROM THE MOST UNEXPECTED PERSON EVER SHDJKSDS LIKE WHAT!!!

AND HEEEEEEERE WE GO. HERE'S THE SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER.

THE SAME BLACK SAND BEACH. FIGHTING THE BRITISH. ED AND STEDE. ED WITHOUT HIS MAKEUP ON. STEDE IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT.

ARE THEY BOTH,,, FIGHTING TO GET TO EACH OTHER??? FIGHTING THROUGH CROWDS AND ENEMIES TO GET TO EACH OTHER'S SIDES???????

WHAT IF THEY FIGHT TO EACH OTHER AND THEN KISS HUH???

WHAT THEN.

HIIIIIIYYYAAAA JACKIE <33333

ALSO HELLO IS THAT THE SWEDE BEHIND HER???????

EXPLOSIONS FIRE EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS FEELING VERY WEE JOHN CODED RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

AND THIS IS YET ANOTHER SHOT I WAS REFERRING TO EARLIER,,,

LIKE UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WITH ED ON THE BEACH, AND THIS SHOT OF SOMEONE FALLING INTO THE WATER,,,,,,

I HAVE A FEELING THAT ED IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT ENDS WITH HIM FALLING OFF THE BOAT. MAYBE HE TRIES TO SAVE SOMEONE???

if he fights to save stede from going overboard or something equivalent i'm going to eat all the tiles off my floor <3

LIKE IT'S BAD BESTIES. IT'S BAD. IT'S DIRE. THE WATER IS SO FUCKING HIGH AND THEY'RE IN A STORM AND JIM IS SCREAMING AND I AM ALSO SCREAMING!!!

But then also, LOOK AT FUCKING WEE JOHN!!! IN DRAG!!! HE'S A FUCKING MERMAID!!! JIM ISN'T A MERMAID???? WELL, THAT'S FINE--WEE JOHN IS!!! LIVING HIS BEST FUCKING LIFE!!!!! AND WHAT IF HE MADE THAT COSTUME HIMSELF SJDKSDJLS <3

AND THE FINAL SHOT I'M CHOOSING, THE FINAL ONE OF THE SET,,, MATCHES UP WITH THAT LIGHTING EARLIER.

WHO ARE WE FIGHTING, ED BABE. WHAT'S THE TEA. WHO ARE YOU CLOBBERING.

IS IT US?

IT'S PROBABLY US.

BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE THING HAS ME SO SO SO DEAD Y'ALL

[the-one-and-only-duckduckgo]

I (finally) finished Season one during my 7 hour long train ride, and since nobody asked, here's a new summary.

The Magnus Archives but I've finished season one (and that didn't help with the confusion)

There's Jon. He's an Archivist, and he got that anxiety rizz™

He also sounds like his life would crumbie in pieces if he doesn't have a seventh cup of coffee before the sun rises.

I can relate.

One of the causes of his anxiety seems to be his least favourite colleague, Martin.

Martin is described as unqualified, suspected to be a ghost and sent into various deadly situations.

He also sleeps in Jalapeño's bed.

I FUCKING LOVE GERARD KEAY

Everyone works in a modern remake of the Library of Alexandria, which would be very cool if there weren't a lot of murderous creatures.

(there are a lot of murderous creatures)

And worms. Would we still love them if they were human? Probably not.

Everything is ruled by a guy named Elias Bouchard. Everyone told me that he's nice.

In what world is a guy named fucking Bouchard nice?

Jane Prentiss is spreading the worm agenda.

SHE DESERVED MORE THAN THAT HELP IS THERE A CHARITY WHERE I CAN GIVE HER A VIRTUAL HUG???

Michael the eldritch horror is very lovely.

OH AND I DIDN'T TELL YOU BUT JALAPEÑO USES THE TAPE RECORDER CAUSE THE STATEMENTS DON'T WORK ON COMPUTER. THERE'S A REASON BEHIND ALL THAT.

That also means that there are statements that can be recorded on the computer and that we therefore don't see. I want to know what they're about.

#JusticeForSasha2k24

I am still lost in the English names.

Gerard Keay still burns books.

But that's ok, cause they're evil books from BLOODY JÜRGEN LEITNER I HATE JÜRGEN LEITNER DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THIS USELESS PIECE OF SHITTY OLD PARCHMENT WHEN HE WAS BORN HIS MOTHER CRIED AND SHOULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM I WISH HE GOES TO HELL ALTHOUGH NO HE WOULD RUIN THE GAY PARTY HAPPENING THERE I WISH HE DISAPPEARED IN THE COFFIN WE SEE AT THE BEGINNING AND WENT ON A CRUISE IN PETER LUKAS' BOAT GOD I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS LITERARY DISHONOUR. Fuck you, Leitner.

Hmm, yeah. Sorry. Where was I?

Season one's over, still no trace of the queer rep I was teased with.

Although, that may be a good thing, given the fact that as soon as a gay appears, they get killed/ replaced/ vanished by by some antique object.

Does that mean antique objects are homophobes?

Although these antiques come from Salesa's shop. Perhaps Salesa's the real straight supremacist here.

Selling dangerous items seems like a rentable activity tho. I should do the same.

Starting from now. Does anyone want a totally-not-illegal coffin? Antique dolls? You get your money back if they kill you.

So...uh...yeah. Good show. Amazing sound effects. Watch it. Wahoo.

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[whorbidmore]

okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

[blueishspace]

(Slay The Watcher route 3 p33)

The Narrator : You...*sigh*

Voice of The Star: Come on, stop whining.

The Narrator: I'm not-

Voice of The Canary: Just let it happen.

The Narrator: Ugh, you use the knife to cut the cactii and free the Watcher...

Voice of The Star: Finally!

Grian: Y-you ... Really freed me?

Mumbo: Of-Of course...

Scar: we.... I'm really sorry for what happened...

Grian: It wasn't ok... But you gave up your life for me, I forgive you...do you forgive me?

Mumbo: Yes, of course.

Scar: Definitely, you were defending yourself.

Voice of The Star: Hmmm...

Mumbo: ...?

Scar: Is anything wro-

Voice of the Star: As the gay Jesus™-

The Narrator: The what now.

Voice of The Canary: Just don't question it, he's just like this.

The Narrator: Excu-

Voice of the Star: Anyway, as the gay Jesus™ I have to say this is the perfect moment for a kiss and if you don't I will personally hold you accountable.

The Narrator: You got to be kidding me.

Scar: O-oh!

Prev Next

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

dead boy detectives but i've never watched it (read: 0% plot 100% gay summary)

[HI MAGGOTS IT'S 11:16 PM ON 6TH MAY HERE AND I'M ONLY NINETEEN FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER AND I'M GONNA DO MY BEST TO SAVE THIS AMAZING SHOW BECAUSE SO MANY OF YOU LOVE IT. BECAUSE OF THE HORRORS™ IN MY BRAIN (aka depresso) I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT AS SOON AS IT CAME OUT, BUT THAT MEANS I CAN MAKE THIS POST]

BUT ANYWAY, THANKS @anthropomorphique FOR THE IDEA, HERE'S WHAT I'VE FIGURED OUT, ABOUT DEAD BOY DETECTIVES:

There is dead gay repressed Edwardian twink named Edwin.

He has that autism rizz.

A cat king god (a cat who is a god? a god who is sometimes a cat? a god of cats? a god of kings? a king of cats? the cat of a king? the king of cat gods? the god of cat kings? WHAT IS HE IDK BUT HE'S A GAY LIL SLUT) wants to do the ol' hanky panky with him.

A lot of people want to do the ol' hanky panky with him. He be pullin' bitches.

Except for the bitch he's in love with, his best friend and soul partner, Charles.

Charles is full of Charm and Whimsy and Making Friends.

He has trauma.

(The previous point was obvious to me after learning point 6 but then I realised maybe I should be clear)

There's a... some kind of creature named Niko and she reads a lot of explicit gay manga.

She tries to use it to help Edwin out of his repression I think. I don't know if it works. Edwardian bitches do be repressed like that.

She has... a deadly parasite? That's a lesbian relationship?

Are lesbians deadly parasites? I do not know. I am too much in awe of lesbians to ask them.

The Cat King gives Edwin white lilies. Like I said, Edwin got that 'tism rizzm.

Niko and Edwin are weird besties.

CAITLIN REILLY IS IN THIS IDK WHO SHE PLAYS BUT SHE IS SUCH A GOOD ACTRESS I'VE BEEN A FAN OF HER FOR YEARS FROM YOUTUBE CAITLIN REILLY IS IN THIS *SCREAMS*

THIS IS PART OF THE SANDMAN UNIVERSE!! So @neil-gaiman is not the show's creator, but it is his universe and a bunch of his characters and he wrote a few scenes I think?? IDK SANDMAN FANS COME HELP ME.

Edwin goes to hell and Charles saves him? I think?

Death is very lovely.

OH THEY SOLVE MYSTERIES OF GHOSTS SO THEY CAN BE DEAD I FORGOT TO MENTION THE PREMISE OF THE SHOW HELP I'M SORRY I WAS SO FOCUSED ON THE GAY

EDWIN AND CHARLES LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH

AND THEY HAVE... THE REST OF FOREVER TO FIGURE IT OUT?

UM THERE'S A PLOT I SWEAR I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS I'VE JUST SEEN MAGGOTS SCREAMING ABOUT THE GAY

...GAY.

Okay so so so this show needs a second season but apparently Netflix's thinking of cancelling it because not enough people are streaming it (IT'S BARELY BEEN OUT A WEEK OR SOMETHING WTF??) so PLEASE GO WATCH IT EVERYONE WHO'S SEEN IT LOVES IT AND I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT RAGH ANYWAY I LOVE YOU EITHER WAY HAVE THE LOVELIEST OF DAYS <3

[codename-adler]

i neeeeeeeeed to know more abt your trojan ocs anytime you wanna share

heehee i got a special pookie for ya jo 🫶 (trojans ocs roster here)

06: Mateo Solano (22) USC Trojans Goalkeeper

here comes theeeeee... Bitch™

don't got a gif for him sorry

i also now realize i accidently gave him Seth's number... wow. but believe me, Mateo's sm worse. i love mi princesita Seth. i don't even like Mateo. (jk. but like, he sucks a whole lot before he gets his redemption arc. interpret that however you want.)

he's one of the seniors of the team, he's 5'9 and fucking bitter about it, he studies Spanish because he is a lazy mf who has no plan but to go Pro (fortunately he will)

106% fuckboi energy fr he's insufferable

at the start of the new season (when Jean joins) he is still crabby about Laila having rejected him when he asked her out after their loss to the Foxes (in my universe/wip, Lailalvarez are not together yet bc i want to explore their relationship from the beginnings :) )

Mateo isn't really interested in Laila anyway, though, and he doesn't know why 1) it still stings and 2) he even asked in the first place (perhaps because they are the golden goalie duo of USC, perhaps because she is better than him and has broken records, perhaps because of something else...)

he's also such a bitchy asshole to Jean, because Jean is a beast on the court and Mateo is jealous

he's single and a v because he is waiting for marriage and the right girl (siiiiiiiiike!) (still fuckboi aura tho he's that extra)

comes from a very religious household and he is a practicing believer

he doesn't really have any friends on the team (sad) because he is so prickly and bitchy, but everyone is still kind and open to him because he is very reliable on the court, in the goal, and he does not second-guess or question authority, he's very good at following orders and instructions, always aiming for the best

and though it's good for everyone that he stays in goal because of his problematic attitude that would get the Trojans carded if their opponents heard him talk, the power of bitch he possesses is also a great asset, as he easily makes any enemy player lose their temper with his saccharine remarks paired with a Colgate smile

now! the plot twist!

Mateo is what you would get if internalized homophobia + comphet had two legs and an attitude problem

he is as homophobic as Seth and Aaron were, and even more if I dare say, and though he's never outwardly a hater and never uses slurs (at least he holds back on that for Jesus), he's such a bitch about homosexuality... it makes him so angry and queasy, he'll be rude af to you, he'll leave the room fuming, not participate in conversations, that kind of thing. he tries very hard to forget about Jeremy, to overlook it, and he's not like Lucas, questioning Jeremy's decision because of his sexuality, but it's so much better when Jeremy is single... (ik how this sounds, but believe me when i say he does not have a repressed crush on Jeremy, or Jean. that's just his Exy inferiority complex.)

thing is, it becomes incredibly difficult for him to ignore all of that gayness when Laila and Alvarez get together (oh), when Levi suddenly drops Angie to get closer with their assistant coach, when Jeremy clearly has a huge thing for Jean, the Drivers come out with their own gay thang, when Coach Rhemann himself gets his shit together with his long-lost broody ex... Mateo is literally surrounded by homos.

and sure, the wlw stuff never really bothered him, didn't get the appeal (and why do you think Mateo!!!), but with almost all of his authority figures dabbling in the gay, Mateo is kind of a caged animal, and he's bound to lose control and do some very stupid things, like start fights, get benched, punch a wall or 2...

oh, and there's Yanko too.

infuriating ginger man that won't leave him the fuck alone. mountain man of steal who is somehow always right, and chill. the designated Mateo-handler, apparently, because Jeremy had to delegate that hot potato to someone with less... undesirable traits to Mateo (i'm not sure yet how the rest of the team handles his outbursts bc he's not open about why he has them, not very vocal, but there's definitely a specific thing wrong at play here whenever they happen, and maybe Jeremy has an inkling, idk, tbd)

so it really comes out of NOWHERE. nobody, NOBODY has a fucking clue. least of all Mateo. then suddenly Yanko has had enough and pushes Mateo into a wall, and kisses him, very publicly, and Mateo kisses back.

there's a whole lot that goes on behind the scenes before that first fiery PDA, and after that it all goes downhill for a while before balance is found again. anyhoo. enemies-to-lovers ftw ✊

Mateo's family is very loving and supporting of him btw <3

and that's all for now for the resident pendejo of the Trojans, Mateo Solano 👿

[autism-on-titan]

SCP Highschool AU

Dr. Bright

⚠️I DO NOT SUPPORT AUTHOR BRIGHT⚠️

So Bright in this au is one of my fav characters, he's just very squishable and (pardon my outdated slang) skrunkly. I'm just gonna infodump about him here.

Jack Bright is a tragic little man with a bad home life, and he doesn't really know his place in the world. His parents never really paid any attention to him, both now and when he was a kid. They were always too busy with work, or something to do with one of his siblings. As a result, he is always trying to be noticed, whether it's positive or negative attention. He burnt himself out trying to get perfect grades, and when that didn't work, he switched gears (no pun intended). He pierced his ears, nose, and, because he might as well go all out, his belly button. He got a reputation around the school. He let 3 geese labeled 1, 2, and 4 into the hallways. Nobody knows where he got 3 geese. He got into drugs. Started going out every night, coming back drunk and exhausted. Still, no change at home. He's just floating through life, like he's already died. But hey, at least he's got his friends. Alto Clef, whose real name nobody knows (even the principal calls him that), is his closest friend. They're an odd pair, but they have eachother and that's what counts.And they're *just friends*, ok? It's not gay to kiss your homies goodnight.

Oh and also he's transmasc, because Dr Bright without dysphoria is like an angel without wings. Thank you for coming to my TED talk, sorry for the angst.

TL;DR: Bright is a glass child with a Business Dad™.

[ifishouldvanish]

Some Mizrak / Mizrox Analysis and Headcanons

I know, I know, I'm That Alurox Blog™, but I'm just gonna take off the rarepair goggles for a bit to take a closer look at Mizrak and his relationship with Olrox as it's presented in canon. I feel like there's a tendency for his character to be reduced to just the 'repressed gay monk' archetype and it does him a disservice because he's way more interesting than that!!!

Anyway probably not as cohesive as my Olrox analysis because I don't really have specific headcanons with regard to his backstory yet but here goes:

1. Mizrak FUCKS!!1!

All the "haha the Catholic monk folded and had gay sex with a hot vampire in .2 seconds" jokes aside... I think Mizrak really does fuck. Like I'm not convinced at all that he is some repressed virgin who just got his world rocked for the first time.

First of all, he takes like, zero convincing to jump in bed with someone who has just established themselves as an enemy. We get the little fight in the courtyard, Olrox saying, "let's do this somewhere more comfortable" and next we see them they're already post-coitus. Furthermore, Mizrak is like... pretty fucking casual about it? Like, he's the one brushing a clingy Olrox off in the morning. I'm sorry but I don't see any evidence in that scene that suggests he hasn't done this sort of thing before. This man has had casual sex before, presumably with other men.

Sure, we get a few shots of him being mopey and conflicted in the morning after scene, but these are brought on by Olrox watering the seeds of doubt he already has about the whole working with Erzsebet thing; not Catholic Guilt over knocking boots with a vampire.

Also just... from a writer's perspective, if you have some repressed monk character and he's gonna get carnal with a vampire, you are MILKING that shit for all it's worth. You're gonna lay on the angst, the temptation, the moral quandary of giving into the sins of the flesh. But all of that is markedly absent in these scenes. We just see two grown men who think each other are hot and decided to have sex about it.

2. A Foundation of Mistrust

The first thing either of these men learn about each other is that they are on opposite sides of the same conflict (and it don't stop them from fuckin' 😌)

Olrox's mistrust is born out of his experiences with colonization by the Spanish, and an understanding that imperialism is the ultimate goal of Erzsebet's mission. Mizrak's distrust is born out of Olrox being a vampire, and the antagonistic nature of their first meeting.

But there's still a draw, of course. Despite going along with the abbot's plans, Mizrak expresses some misgivings about the whole thing. He doesn't want to work with Erzsebet—they just have no other choice. This is probably a position that Olrox knows all too well: just as native Americans were divided on whether or not to help the American colonists, just as some states in mesoamerica decided working with the Spanish was a good opportunity to strike blows to the increasingly powerful Mexica Alliance.

A telling thing Mizrak says to Olrox is, "There's evil everywhere we look, so we use our heads." In the context of their conversation, he's referring to the arrangement with Erzsebet—but I think it's also his general attitude toward Olrox as well. He's willing to get close to him, but he's going to keep his wits about him and not lower his guard.

They don't trust each other, but they do begin to understand each other. For what it's worth, I do think Olrox grows to trust Mizrak by the end of the season (otherwise he wouldn't have put his cards on the table to protect him during the battle), but it's clear from Mizrak's reaction that he has not grown to return that trust yet.

Which isn't to say that Mizrak is being unfair here. As far as he's aware, Olrox really hasn't done anything to earn his trust yet. Pulling him out of battle was supposed to be Olrox's gesture of "see? I'm sticking my neck out for you!" but to Mizrak it's just cowardice. Which... I'll touch on later.

3. "Is that what you have planned for me?" / "Of course not, I'm not in love with you."

Again, jokes about Mizrak having the absolute balls to be like "oh so ur in love with me?" after like, two nights aside... This is a really interesting exchange they have here??

For me, Mizrak's line here is just an expression of his distrust. Olrox has just told him about the only man he's ever loved, and this??? THIS is his response???

Hoo boy. This isn't "well, we are having sex and hanging out so obviously you're falling in love with me 😌". This is "I think you're just trying to manipulate me into believing you actually have a conscience/are capable of compassion, and I'm not falling for it." Mizrak thinks he has Olrox all figured out. Thinks he's calling a bluff.

And so with that framing?? Olrox's response, "Of course not, Mizrak. I'm not in love with you," is a FANTASTIC rebuttal. This isn't "oops, you caught me slipping and catching feelings, time to deny, deny, deny!!!" This is, "Of course you can trust me. I'm not trying to lure you in with romance or manipulate you into temptation—we both know I didn't have to do any of that to get here. I'm just here to tell you like it is, and you know in your heart that I haven't told you a lie yet."

Mizrak is accusing Olrox of trying to manipulate him into developing feelings for him, and Olrox is saying, "Gods no, I know you're smarter than that."

Which... is SO delicious in that I'm sure this is the line that will prove to be a lie. It's just not one yet. Ooh the foreshadowing and dramatic irony of it all gives me goosebumps!!! (Have I mentioned that I love Olrox and everything about the way his lines are written??? 🫠🫠 THE character of all time I love him sm)

4. Mizrak Has Nothing to Lose (History of the Knights of Malta Speedrun)

We know that Mizrak and the abbot came from Malta, and the 8-pointed cross they bear identifies them as part of the Order of St John. The history of the Order and of Malta is basically a centuries-long back and forth between the Ottoman, Holy Roman, and Byzantine empires. The Order is founded in Jerusalem 1023 with the mission of preserving the faith, aiding the poor, and providing care to people making pilgrimages to the Holy Land, regardless of faith. But they turn into this sort of paramilitary outfit during the crusades—granted authority by the pope to sort of act on its own without any real checks and balances. In short, they are tasked with defending the Catholic church independently of any conflicts between individual European/Christian nations, and European powers grant them land and financial support so they can carry out their mission.

Eventually the Ottomans expel them from Jerusalem (and a few other places), and the Order makes its new home on Malta, where they are tolerated by the locals in exchange for establishing some infrastructure (hospitals, schools, etc) and boosting the economy. The Order famously defends Malta from another Ottoman attack in 1565 and they're heralded as heroes of the church (but let's stick a pin in that for now)

As the centuries go by and the conflict between the Muslim world and Christian world kinda fizzles out, the Order becomes an outdated relic of a bygone era. The Catholic church lost some traction in the protestant reformation, and a more complex political landscape has the knights taking arms against other catholic entities (particularly the Franco-Spanish war). In fact, by the time Nocturne is set, the Order had already established a protestant division because they just REALLY didn't want to lose the support of Germany and England. France, who had been one of the Order's strongest supporters, forms an alliance with the Ottomans, and they just kinda have to look the other way.

As a sovereign entity that's no longer needed or even really wanted by mainland Europe, the Order decides to use its advantageous location to take on the responsibility of intercepting Ottoman ships—confiscating goods and taking slaves, to the extent that Malta becomes something of a major slave trade hub in the Mediterranean. The age of piracy is in full swing, and the Order earns itself a not so great reputation of effectively being pirates themselves, as even Christian ships start complaining that they're getting raided by the Knights. This campaign was called the 'Corso', and despite the Order's vows of poverty, it entitled them to a portion of any spoils they confiscated during a time when the Maltese economy was doing poorly.

Their souring reputation creates a cyclical effect where more and more countries drop their financial support for the Order, and the Knights have to lean further into the piracy and slave trade stuff to support Malta's economy. Not only is Catholicism losing ground, but the Order's mission: preserving the faith and aiding the poor, has become more of a loosely interpreted suggestion. The meaning of the 8-pointed cross gets diluted, as non-members of the Order are able to fly the flag—for a fee.

So imagine you are Mizrak, and you're a devoted Catholic who's committed himself to the Mission™ only to find... It's pretty much bullshit. No one cares, least of all the Knights of Malta who are more interested in engaging in legalized piracy and slave trade than God. You've lost all sense of purpose. But then... Some abbot named Emmanuel comes along and HE is legit. HE believes in the power of God and Faith and the Church. HE sees the way the world has turned its back on God and HE has a plan to fix it.

Sure, it involves allying with a vampire and creating a demon army for her, but that's hardly any different from anything else the Order's been up to for the past two centuries or so. At least this time it's For The Cause. You have to believe Emmanuel is doing the right thing, that he's in this for the right reasons—because if you can't have faith in that, then what else is there? The world has already abandoned you.

(The history of Malta and the Order is pretty wild honestly. Here are some sources to check out:)

History | The Knights of Malta

r/AskHistorians - What Were the Knights really like?

The Decline of The Order (PDF)

Noble Slavers: The Knights of Malta and Slavery in the 16/17th Century

Tragic Tales of Slaves in Malta

5. Courage as a Virtue and Redemption

So back to courage, and back to that pin from the Order's history.

The Ottoman Empire was massive, and during the Great Siege of Malta in 1565, they vastly outnumbered the Knights. Ottoman forces had about 30-40 thousand soldiers while the Knights had six thousand—half of which were Maltese civilians who were called upon for service. The siege lasted four months, and ended in a decisive victory for Malta.

This was an epic underdog story that turned the tides of the conflict and revitalized Christian morale across Europe. And I think this story is what drives Mizrak. This is why he became a Knight in the first place. What he believes the Order is capable of, what he believes Emmanuel is fighting for.

To be clear, I think Mizrak is disheartened by what the Order and church has become by the 18th century. So Emmanuel's plan, as sketchy as it is, is an opportunity to restore it to its former glory and rally people around the church again. To return the sort of disgraced Order to its original mission: preserving the faith and protecting the vulnerable.

This is his Moment to serve his God in the fullest extent of the word, to take a stand for what he believes in. Anything short of that is cowardice. And that's why he's so offended that Olrox would pull him out of that fight.

And if we take all this context from the previous points here and we circle back to his and Olrox's first meeting, it adds a new layer of meaning to, "It doesn't sit well with your faith" and Mizrak's defensive, "What would you know about faith?" — Mizrak has likely already had to compromise his morals on more than one occasion, with his faith being the one thing he still has to hold onto to justify it.

6. So What Is His Deal?

Honestly, I really don't know. The history of Malta and the Knights is so long and winding, the show could do just about anything with his backstory and I'd be like, "yeah, that checks out."

What I do think we can take away from canon is:

He's a True Believer and defender of the Catholic faith. One of his first lines to Olrox is his "faith is a foundation" speech where he quotes Isaiah 43:2. In the finale, we got his call to the other Knights to put down their swords and pray with him for forgiveness to stop the madness. When Olrox presses him about why he's forging night creatures, he explains that Catholics are being executed.

He's a pragmatist. Despite his devotion to the church, he demonstrates some moral flexibility so to speak. There's the "use our heads" line, of course. But there's also this line during the meeting with Drolta: "We don't have to pretend to like each other. This is an arrangement convenient to us both because we share a common enemy." Devoted as he is, this man is not a purist.

... But he still has lines he will not cross. Earlier in the season, we see the abbot express discomfort about Drolta attacking Maria, about harming children. But by the end of the season, he's justifying sacrificing her to Erzsebet. Mizrak however, remains steadfast in the "killing children is wrong, even if they are part of the 'godless mob'" position. Holding this line is what pushes him to deflect from Emmanuel and Erzsebet.

[roselock22]

for the bumblebee requests how about Arin and Percy holding hands but Arin doesn't notice that they are and Percy's over there just being very gay and awkward™

They're watching a tv show ALSO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG LMAO, I GOT KIND OF BUSY