#sorry for having several mental illnesses
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
The fact that a lot of the works I'm proudest of is a shit ton of my more suggestive yuri art and artistic nudity makes me sob and cry cus then I can't just show off my best work to the average person...
#like you don't just go up to someone and be like mmm yeah I love this piece!! and it's this faggot shit LMAO#I apologize to my one prof who has to check in with my sketchbook progress and there's just a whoooole lot of yuri#also just me being a little piece of shit with plenty of curses and the occasional slur#sorry for having this kind of personality#sorry for having several mental illnesses#sorry for being a raging lesbian#it absolutely will happen again.#again and again and again.#if no one got me I know my internet oomfs got me at least...#raymoojabber
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The sheer soulmatism of Lenore and Annabel fucks me up so bad everytime I think too hard about it okay sit down y’all.
The way they were immediately drawn to each other even though they had no memory of anything! No reason to immediately become so attached and protective and trusting! Not even death could part them, it’s almost like reincarnation in a way. The sins of living and the pain that comes with being alive washed away not by holy water but rather split blood, and in this new life they’re reborn into a blank, clean slate. Even in this memoryless ‘next lifetime’ they still choose each other without hesitation, without question, and I am on my knees sobbing.
The parallels of Annabel fainting! Annabel fainted when she learned that Lenore was actually alive, and Annabel also fainted when remembering how she died, and by extension, how Lenore died too (not related to soulmatism but in one scenario her lover caught her despite the injury, and in the other Lenore had no such hinderance but failed to catch Annabel regardless and that parallel kills me so softly). The soulmatism that is reacting the same exact way when you learned she lived vs remembering how she died, the soulmatism that the love is still the same. Oh how the love is still so tragically the same, crossing that threshold of death, despite the unhappy ending you shared. Annabel faints because it’s learning you have a second chance at love vs remembering how that same love was ripped away and I am no longer on my knees but laying facedown on the floor.
(The way Annabel looked at Lenore before collapsing in both scenes but with DRASTICALLY different vibes of disbelief like okay yeah sure, sure okay mhm just smash my ribs and rip my heart right out why don’t you?)
Now, NOW, the thing that truly ends me? The crazy red/blue symbolism these two carry.
Lenore is the embodiment of red. Her thoughts come in red print, as do the ribbons she was wrapped up in. Her fiery (pun intended), confident personality, her pure raging defiance rallying those around her. What’s more, Lenore’s anger and bared teeth is painted red the same way her love is, because red is not just the color of anger. Red is love, and Lenore, my god, she cares so openly about the people around her that her heart’s just painted bloody and brazen on her sleeve. Born from self-made infernos into the person she was always meant to be- flirty, quick-witted, taking what she wants when she wants- she is a young Montague wrapped up in her family’s house colors trailblazing down her own paths.
(But unlike dear Romeo who scaled a tree to look upwards towards Juliet on her balcony, Lenore was in a tree looking downwards at her counterpart, and this parallel is so important as the scene is clearly a Romeo/Juliet parallel but without the sweet sappiness but rather tension and just like, 1000x more interesting ‘can I trust you fr fr-ness’.)
Annabel is the embodiment of blue. Her thoughts come in blue print, and her ribbons are a deep blue to match. Blue is the color of calmness, and she seems so tranquil with a gentle yet firm confidence that puts people around her at ease. A natural born leader with such cool-headedness. Oh, but underneath that mask? Sadness. SO MUCH sadness, Annabel is an ocean of it, she’s a peaceful smile with a melancholic heart shot through. Young Capulet holds not pure innocence like her Juliet-counterpart but rather a deep rooted loneliness, like guys, Annabel is actually just so fucken SAD I think we really need to address this more yes she’s a total girlboss but also Annabel is the personification of hollowed out loneliness that comes with your beloved being ripped away from you.
This really got away from me, but my point?
Lenore, the embodiment of red, has blue eyes.
Annabel, the embodiment of blue, has red-adjacent eyes.
FORGET LAYING ON THE GROUND IN TEARS I AM CURRENTLY CLIPPING THROUGH THE FLOOR AND HEADING STRAIGHT GAY TO MY GRAVE IN THE BACKROOMS!!!
YOUR HONOR THEIR EYES ARE THE GODDAMNED COLORS OF THE OTHER’S MOTHERMARYFUCKING S O U L LIKE WHAT IN THE JESUS H CHRIST BUMBLEBY SOULMATISM IS T H I S S S⁉️⁉️⁉️
#hey sorry fer such a long post but can you tell these two make me severely mentally ill#the bumblebyism of it all… eyes reflecting the color of ur pther half’s soul#if i had had a nickel everytime i crossed this trope i would have three nickels now gods#bumbleby sulemio and white raven SIGHHHH#everyone thank my rwby roots if u haven’t realized the eye soulmatism until now (but i doubt it i mean. its so obvious like. my god.)#white raven… gnawing on a tree branch… please imma fast passer but i still need MOREEEE#skittering around in a circle like a wild beast i need need NEEDD more of these two my god#white raven#nevermore webtoon#annabel lee whitlock#annabel lee nevermore#lenore vandernacht#gods her last name trips me up to spell everytime#lenore nevermore#should i tag this as bumbleby#u know what? yeah yeah i will why not#sorry fellow beekeepers but yall needa see this bc bumbleby eyecolor soulmatism mention#bumbleby#buzz buzz motherfuckers
397 notes
·
View notes
Text
me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
#REMEMBERED THE DUMB EDIT I WAS GONNA MAKE.#writing#fanfic#aphelion.txt#text post meme#i guess?#ao3#i mean this can be about original writing too but#every damn time seriously#i do it without even noticing#i'll be like oh finally i wrote a piece that isnt somehow secretly about my mother#then ill reread it 6 months later and its about my mother again.#LOL that's only one example but also like#i'll go 'im gonna write about this fucked up lil dude<3'#and only realize 10k into his pov that i have cribbed several mental health quirks directly from my own brain#sorry the text on this is fuzzy i use ms paint like some kind of cave person and its text editor is garbage
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
was like Hmm maybe having dinner will make me feel better and not like i want to claw both mine and everyone elses eyes and throat out. but then everyone was yelling and screaming at each other so nvm i guess.
#txt#i have got to get normaller.#sorry for not making any nice selfship posts in my defense i am severely mentally ill!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and usually im not the one posting but nooooooo it's my job to deal with all this shit apparently. so here i am.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rant post because you guys are my only friends, which is kind of embarrassing but the truth. You don’t need to read it i just wanted to get it out.
I hate complaining about my parents bc they’re actually the best parents in the world, but i think I’ve been trying so hard to put them in this perfect little box that i completely ignore how much they’ve fucked me up. So many adults in my life have bullied (emotionally abused?) me because of a mental disorder I have, and I’ve always left my parents off of that list because it really wasn’t that bad with them. They might have made a few offhanded comments, but it was definitely not on the same level at all. I would never classify them as abusive in any sense, but in doing so I ignore the fact that they hurt me in general. My dad just stood there while the “trusted” adults in my life made fun of me in front of dozens of people over and over again, and he did nothing to stop them. That hurts more than anything.
When i was thirteen my worst abuser came into my life. She was my coach, like most of the others, but i was old enough to where my parents didn’t have to watch over me. I went to practice alone, and she tormented me. She pulled me aside in front of my entire team, and scolded me for being disrespectful to her. She said that my actions were not the result of any mental disorder, because she was a psychologist and she would know best. (I wasn’t diagnosed with anything at the time. I thought i was fucking insane. I’m now diagnosed with selective mutism.) She threatened to kick me off the team if i didn’t fix it. I was scared shitless that she would go through with it, because I didn’t know how my parents would react. I thought they would blame me like they had before, so i spent the next year hiding what she did (and continued to do). I was so scared to go to practice that i nearly passed out every week when the time came around. Idk, i just feel like i should have been able to trust someone
I didn’t get diagnosed until i was fourteen. I wouldn’t have gotten diagnosed at all if my cousin hadn’t been diagnosed at the age of nine. It was too late for me. I watched her get better while I made no progress myself. In the past five years, I have only spent two in therapy, because they were too busy to find me a therapist. I can’t make friends, i can’t keep friends, i can’t get a job, i have breakdowns every time i go to the store, I’m wasting my entire life being scared of every human interaction, all because no one cared enough to figure out what the hell was wrong me. I’m never getting better. This is the rest of my life.
And i know i secluded myself from the age of eight. I used to spend all of my time alone as a kid, because it’s how i felt safest. I pushed my family away. But i still feel emotionally neglected. I can’t remember the last time i went to my parents with a problem. I don’t know if i ever have. Maybe that’s because of the anxiety, but i still feel like that’s their fault. I was a child. They could have pushed more, or done literally anything to research what was going on with me. That was their job, and now I’m facing the consequences
#anyway.#sorry. i just realized how severely fucked up i am because of this#me realizing that my parents dismissed my emotions as a kid has led me here#everything makes a lot more sense though#I’ve always been like ‘perfect parents. done nothing wrong. but why do i relate to every sign of having shitty parents?’#they aren’t shitty#it’s my fault and im totally overreacting#but. it was damaging#selective mutism#that’s a tag!!#It’s niche. i feel like a kid who likes indie music#‘what mental illness do you have?’ *debbie ryan hair tuck* ‘you’ve never heard of it’#im gonna tag this like a fic#emotional abuse#bad parenting#no :(#decent parenting#emotional neglect#no one is gonna read this
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok what otome should i play next
7'scarlet (played before but only hino's route)
taisho x alice
clannad
bustafellows
nameless ~the one thing you must recall
my next life as a villainess
a date with death
lover pretend (started playing but haven't gotten very far)
birushana
even if tempest
hatoful boyfriend (why not)
ok posting all of these and physically seeing how many games i have purchased and not played makes me feel. bad. jesus christ
#sorry puff i do NOT have collar x malice#i do however have several severe mental illnesses#this is so embarrassing#i need to take a vacation just to make a dent in my backlog#anyway if you have more recs for games i should play lmk LOL
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m pretty sure at least half of my preferred tv shows would have ended sooner and better for everyone if someone just dragged the main characters/��s ass/es to a proper therapist as soon as they showed their first wave of red flags.
#sorry not sorry#your sigma isn’t cool sweetie#they just have untreated mental illness#bojack horseman#breaking bad#dark netflix#seinfeld#ted lasso#better call saul#wwdits#the boys#rick and morty#true detective#severance#sherlock#hannibal#supernatural#i know no one asked#but i said what i said#txt.post#hot takes#tv shows#fandoms#humor#comedy#hot take#personal#me#relatable
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
Does anybody know who to ask about Multiple personality disorder experiences because I don’t wanna go around asking people question that bug them like an annoying bigot but I’m also needing to double check if I’m just being weird or if I’m experiencing something
#multiple personality disorder#osdd#possibly#I’m like super tired#give me 10 minutes to load up this 1607 shotgun#jesus christ#jfc#please help#help#mental health#mental illness#actually mentally ill#clinically proven#what is society#can a horse love a man?#should a horse love a man?#i have several questions#I have several bees#hidden in the place you least expect them#meme#Mac daddy of them all#do you get any of these?#i’m rambling#sorry for the rant#trying to tag this so everyone sees it#did osdd#trauma#listen#I have c!ptsd
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
when will you update gsu? 😔🫶
I appreciate your continued investment but like a lover going off to battle with an uncertain outcome, I leave you with this message: I'm not saying it will never happen but I urge you not to wait for me. Live your life to the fullest and when I return if you have not been snatched up by a new interest which deserves your love and loyalty more than I, then perhaps we might have a future together yet
#inquiries#it's not that i don't want to it's that I'm mentally ill in ways i cannot describe currently#im going to the dr next week and perhaps there are solutions to be hoped for that will positively affect gsu#i truly would love that for both you and myself!!!! however. i just. don't have anything in me rn im sorry#i am lucky to peel myself off the couch with a clear mind these days. it's been rough i will not lie#tbh w you i have had some anxiety attacks and other horrible things going on with the brain and body the past several weeks#writing anything has felt like a herculean effort. i have Thinking About Stories in me rn and thats about it#but i appreciate you still caring for gsu i hope i can give something to you in the future but that's just not in me rn#🫶#grad school universe#i have perhaps given too much info but i just don't want to give some kind of impression that the possibility is high. it is not#I'm sorry
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Love posting my Spotify receipts for the month bc you can always tell when I’ve had smth big to write for one of my classes bc the one Jash song (Dream (Outro from Calamity)) will make the receipt. I did not end up a Jashinator but I do like having a song I can rely on to make me write things.
#rian’s slay compilation#the first time I heard the song I was in a mood all da time so I really identified it w what splitting felt like#idk it doesn’t hit as much now bc I’ve undergone a different sort of mental illness lately (more tired than actively harmful to myself)#^it’s the way it picks up in intensity. that’s what it feels like when you try to communicate how smth feels but they don’t listen and then#go have fun at a concert and you feel so nauseous that you have to leave a shared group chat while you sob your eyes out for several hours.#y’know? anyway June/July was fun. I need four hours of build daily to keep me occupied (tired). it does actually do me wonders.#I’m so big and strong now. idk how big you are my lovely mutuals but I could lift the smaller ones I reckon.#right now I could pick up (not for long) anyone around or under 150 pounds. also preferably not super taller than me but I think it’d work.#it’s a start! I should start lifting. makes me feel big and strong. I wanna pick my friends up.#^sorry to derail this in the tags but I typed that up and was like ‘that’s such a King statement’. it’s bc someone liked a post where I#talked about feeling all overgrown and how King being half a foot shorter than me but still picking me up like a brides made me feel Not#Overgrown#I don’t worry about feeling overgrown so much anymore but I do kinda miss the bride lifting. it was nice every once in a while#it’s small things like that.#side note I think I could pick King up now bc they’re roughly my weight and as we established I can lift ppl about my weight very briefly#it’s the build. it makes me big and strong. it’s all the wood holding and platform throwing
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hair? Falling out from stress!! Chest? In constant pain!! Eyes? Dead and tired!! Brain? Overthinking and emotional!! Hygiene? Routine completely forgotten!!
#ren won't shut up#waaaaeaeawaaaawawaaaawaawaawaasuwauuwa#ignore#GIRL WHAT IS GOING ON??#I'll be getting a therapist soon but hot DAMN i am struggling#my hair is so thin now :((#my eyes look terrible? and not from the lack of sleep. i sleep enough i just dont rest#if I disappear for a few days its because im trying to figure my shit out lmao#i have severe undiagnosed/untreated mental illnesses lmaoooo#idk whats going on anymore waaaa#i used to ve about to control all of this waaa#tw mental illness#tw mental breakdown#?? i guess im having a breakdown And you all are just witnessing it? sorryy#cw mental health#idk sorry if i dont tag this right jdjsjs#probably will delete later? idk
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tfw when the teacher’s get to know you questions are getting a littleeeee too personal, is this a mental health screening or getting to know me pick one.
#how do I not be concerning#“What difficult things have you or your friends gone through in your life”#Oh yk#depression#Eds#blah blah blah mental hospitals#Blah blah blah severe bullying#Yk#the usual#like girl who asks that#We’re queer and neurodivergent it’s not gonna be good#What am I supposed to say “oh I used to starve myself”???#“Get nervous when I wear short sleeves even if you can’t see them anymore” LIKE WHAT KINDA ANSWER IS THAT#how do I respond to this#hi yeah I’ve been suicidal my whole life how are you#It’s always the ela teachers too#Can I just say I kin dazai osamu and xie lian and move on#Oh yeah I hate myself but in other news-#Ela teachers suck balls bro#They love me tho#So I deal with it#school#gay and sad#sorry for being depressing#dazai kinnie#mental illness#school system#school is shit#school is starting#brb sobbing
6 notes
·
View notes