#sorry but i wasn’t gonna put them at the gates of actual religious hell

[where-is-bonnie-isat]

bonnie entering the gate of hell?

Bonnie is at the Gate of Hell!

They’ve never heard of “Hell” before, but it sure looks cool as crab!

[anntoldst0ries]

Christmas (Baby please come home) - part II

Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Vicky Valentine)

Word Count: 6k+ 

Rating: R

Summary: Ethan & Vicky’s first Christmas together… will everything go as planned?

Category: Mini series, completed. Part I can be found here.

Warnings: A tiny bit of explicit language, mild sexual content. Other than this - I declare fluff, fluff and nothing but the fluff! :D  

Author’s note: Part II is here and it’s long - sorry not sorry :D I put a lot of effort into this story and I hope you’re gonna like it :) I’d like to thank A. from the bottom of my heart, not only has she proofread it and corrected my mistakes, but also gave me the most amazing feedback. Jenner’s response is also hers, but she thoughtfully let me use it :) This is for you my dear <3

Written for CFWC Winter season, using prompt 10. 

Christmas Eve

And then it was just them. 

In the car.

Alone. 

“For someone who has just said more words in 5 minutes than he does for a whole week, you’re surprisingly quiet, Dr Ramsey.’’

“Excellent observation, Dr Valentine. This is exactly the type of insight that earned you a spot on the Diagnostics Team.” Ethan threw her a tiny smile. “But it’s not surprising. It’s called getting things back on an even keel.”

She didn’t say anything, just gently moved her gaze outside the window, where the wintery Boston landscape unfolded right in front of them. In the background, Frank Sinatra’s velvety voice tucked her like a blanket and she couldn’t help but think he’d love White Christmas in the state of Massachusetts.

It wasn’t until then that she actually realised the Christmas song was playing in Ethan's car and not from the radio. This healthy compromise (Sinatra for him, Christmas song for her) made her smile, as she knew how much of an effort listening to Christmas tunes was for the man sitting on her left. His ears must have been bleeding heavily. She made sure of it, playing the jingles at full blast every evening, scarring him for life. 

“Did you call your family to let them know you’re not coming?” Ethan’s deep baritone roused Vicky from the sea of thoughts she was immersed in. 

“Nope, for two reasons: a - they didn’t know I was coming in the first place and b - I am still undecided.” 

Vicky noticed the muscles on his face twitch in an instant.  

“What can I do to help you make your mind up?” Ethan gently took her tiny hand in his and caressed the inside with his thumb. Then, he took it to his mouth and placed a kiss with great reverence, as if he was a religious fanatic and she was an object of religious cult. 

This took her by surprise. She was expecting a snotty remark, a raise of an eyebrow or dead silence. Instead, the question hit her with a load of affection so genuine that warmth instantly spread in her chest.

She knew exactly what it was that she needed.

He knew exactly what she was going to ask for.

“Ethan, I… listen, you and I both know there is something more to your reaction. What I said in your office, it was just a trigger. I don’t know what it is and frankly I thought about never mentioning it again. But we both know that the next time this happens, you will cut me off again. I am not going to force you to do something you don’t want to. I just can’t keep going through the same cycles and… and—“

He put his palm on hers and took a deep breath. 

��Are you hungry? Tired?” The older doctor asked with concern.

What the hell? Oh, I see what you’re doing Ramsey. Change of subject. Fine. I said what I wanted to say. The ball’s in your court now, doc.

“No to both.” She said as neutrally as possible, trying her best not to show him that the sudden change of subject upset her.

“Good. Before we go home, there is a place I need to stop by, is that ok?” The question sounded shyly, it wasn’t a tone she’d ever associate with him.

“I’ve never heard of a murderer who asked his victim if it’s ok to stop by the crime scene.”

“Trust me, if I were to murder you, you wouldn’t know.”

“Hmm, I’d like to think I know you well enough I would at least suspect.”

“I’d like to think you know me well enough to also know that I’d rather give you one of Dr Ramsey’s signature tirades. They are worse than murder.”

“No arguments here. So, will you tell me where we are going?”

“You’ll see.”

Soon, Ethan parked the car. He unbuckled the seat belt, opened the door and rushed to the other side, to open hers. He reached out for her hand with a faint smile and she blushed at the gentlemanly gesture. 

Having intertwined their fingers, Ethan led her along a high brick wall until a gate materialised in front of them. He gently pushed the gate and let her through. Only then did she realise where they actually were.

“Commonwealth Avenue Mall? What are we doing here?”

“If you ask me, it’s one of the most picturesque pathways I’ve ever seen and not only during winter. I like to come here for my runs and to… contemplate. Walk with me?” He asked, but it wasn’t really a question. Hand in hand, they walked down the alley. Fresh snow scrunched underfoot and the strings of lights danced to the melody of delicate wind. If this wasn’t a fairytale setting, she didn’t know what could be.

Vicky studied Ethan’s features carefully. Although he was still a closed book sometimes, she’s gotten quite good at reading him over the months. After Edenbrook, Ethan Ramsey was the second biggest field where her sharp diagnostic skills were heavily utilised. Maybe that’s what she should focus on once she starts her PhD? “The curious case of Ethan Jonah Ramsey.”

That’s how she noticed that something was clearly eating Ethan from the inside. If her calculations were correct, there was approximately 1/1000 chance of him making a decision to speak, so she decided to throw him a lifebelt. 

“Ethan, I can see that you want to say something, but it feels like you’re hesitating. Please don’t feel obliged to talk, I want you to do it on your own terms. As long as I know you want to talk to me eventually, I’m fine.”

“If I don’t speak now, I’m afraid I might never summon the courage.” Ethan tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew how serious he was right now. She knew how much it had to cost him. Suddenly, she stopped and put her hands around his neck, then pressed her forehead to his.

“Don’t do this because of me.”

“Because of you? I’m not doing this because of you. I’m doing it for you. For us. What I’m about to say is painful, Vicky, but it’s nowhere near as painful as the thought of losing you. I’ve already told you how much time we lost because of my stubbornness. When… when you and Raf were locked in the hospital room…when I thought you were slipping from my grasp…” He had to stop to clear his throat and take a deep breath, clearly struggling to talk. “I promised myself that if life gives me a second chance, I will not waste it. I will work on this, on us, harder than I’ve worked during my 10 years at Edenbrook combined. I’d climb every damn mountain and swim every ocean if that’s what it takes to have you in my life.” 

She wanted to cry. It took every ounce of her strength not to. Ethan wasn’t a blabbermouth, but when he spoke - man, he knew how to choose his words wisely.

“Ethan, whatever it is… we will get through it. Together. You are not alone, darling.”

Ethan felt tears prickling from underneath his closed lids. Not only because of what she said, but also because of what she didn’t say. He saw the impact of his words in her eyes, yet she didn’t want to make this about her, but him. Her selflessness was one of the things he loved and admired most about her.  The older doctor never let himself be so vulnerable with any other person and as hard as it was for him, it also felt strangely right. As if all the pieces of this crazy puzzle called life finally came together. 

Feeling as ready as he’d ever be, he took a deep breath and said: “Let me take you on a trip down memory lane…”

25 years earlier

Ethan is 11 and he’s sitting alone in his room. The window in the 4 walls of his world overlooks the street and it's his only connection to the outside world. The window sill underneath is wide enough to sit on it, but not very comfortable for a long time. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there, unmoving. It may have been hours, it may have been days. Time lost its sense.

He’s already past the point of pain caused by the unnatural position, his body has entered the numb phase, and he doesn’t feel anything anymore. He wishes his mind could join his body in the bliss of being rid of feelings.

It is only thanks to the carollers wandering on the streets that he’s convinced it must be Christmas Eve. And how he also knows it’s been 27 days since his mother walked out on him. Anger mixes with despair, yet he’s unable to stop waiting for her, stop jumping involuntarily at any movement in close proximity of his home. There is still hope.

Unbeknownst to him, Alan stands on the other side of the door trying to make the hardest decision today: to save his son or to be there for his son. Alan is a painful reminder of the life they once had, a bridge to the reality that tumbled down. He slowly retreats from the door, unsure if he’s doing the right or the bad thing. How are you supposed to know? Life does not exactly prepare you for moments like this.

Everyone asks him how Ethan is. No wonder, he is just a child whose mother disappeared into thin air. But do they not realise he suffers too? He loved, loves this woman more than life itself.

Alan was furious at Louise. But was he surprised? Not entirely. Deep down, he always knew that she was a restless soul. She always gave him hints - a subtle comment here and there, some words said during one of their fights. But he was blindly in love, so whenever she gave him reasons to think they shouldn’t be together, he ignored it. And when she did something that surprised him, she won him over and he lost the argument with himself.

What worried Alan was that Ethan started showing Louise’s personality traits. And as much as she fooled him, he didn’t want his only child to end up broken and hurt. If he could, he’d do anything to protect him. But even as a father he was unable to shield his child from the damage of being abandoned by his mother, the only person that should forever shower him with unconditional love. How does one ever recover from such trauma?

Ethan knew. Although his dad tiptoed around him, he felt it. He knew exactly that he was fighting internal battles. He knew that his father suffered. 

There wasn’t anything that he wanted more than for his dad to come and hug him and tell him everything’s gonna be alright.

Or for his mum to come back home and explain the unexplainable. 

But somehow he knew this wasn’t going to happen and he was tired of waiting for a miracle.

And on this Christmas Eve he made a decision: he will never let anyone fool him with a promise of unconditional love ever again.

He will separate himself from the rest of the world, build a wall so high no one will ever be able to jump over it. 

No one will hurt him again, because you can’t hurt the rational mind, you can only hurt an emotional heart.

Today

“I haven’t cried since.” Ethan was now full on sobbing. “Until I met you, that is.” 

She pulled him as close as humanly possible and enveloped him in a tight hug, with his head resting upon the crook of her neck. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks abundantly.

The older doctor was afraid that once he’d start, he’d never stop crying. All his shattered dreams, his sleepless nights, silent prayers, fake smiles, they all joined forces and attacked him with all their might. Had it not been for her hard grip, he might’ve fallen on his knees. How this petite girl found so much strength was a mystery to him, but he’d never been more grateful. 

She kept rubbing soothing circles on his back and neck. It made her feel so unspeakably sad that the man she loved had to carry this unimaginable burden throughout his whole life. And as much as it sucked, she was happy that from now on, they could carry this burden together. Although he didn’t say anything, Ethan must have agreed, as she felt the tension slowly leaving his shoulders. They stood there in the freezing cold for what felt like forever. But neither of them seemed to mind, because they were in their tiny little bubble, impenetrable, where no one could hurt them.

Finally, the older doctor broke the silence.

“Let’s go. You must be freezing.” 

“I’m about 5 minutes from hypothermia but I should be fine. I know a great doctor.” 

“Well, one of the most important principles of modern medicine is ‘prevent, not cure.’ Plus, I think someone has really missed you.”

———

“OMG Jenner st—“

Before she was ready to finish the sentence, she was already on the floor, laughing like a maniac. 

“You will be the death of me, Jenner.”

I’ll treat that as a compliment, Vic. But Christmas treats first, chatting later, lady!  

That’s how she thought the conversation went in the dog's head. Ethan helped her get up and took her coat. 

“I hope you are still not sleepy.”

“Not really, why?”

“Because I need a companion.”

“Always & with pleasure, but I assume you mean something else right now?”

“You minx. I want you to sit down comfortably, I’ll pour you a glass of wine. You can watch one of your favourite Christmas movies or play Christmas songs - whatever your heart desires.”

“Who are you and have you eaten my own Mr Grinch, Christmas-friendly creature?”

“I just need you to sit here whilst I’ll be working. Now go and get changed.” 

She obeyed quickly, which she always did when he used his commanding doctor voice on her. Whilst changing into leggings and a hoodie, some weird noises reached her ears, clearly coming from the living room. When Vicky came back, a glass of white wine sat on the coffee table. But that’s not what surprised her.

The 37-year old diagnostician was tangled in Christmas lights and so was Jenner, who thought his master was playing some sort of game with him and kept jumping around Ethan.

“What are you doing?”

“Well…since, because of me, you had to call off Christmas, I’m reinstating it. I will take all the decorations out while you’ll be sitting here doing nothing, maybe apart from instructing me on how to do it right. Does this sound like a fair punishment?”

“Only if you let me record this and post it on Pictagram.”

“Don’t cross the line, Valentine.”

“Ethan Ramsey, king of rhymes! Fine, I suppose I can still die happy knowing I’ve instilled the Christmas spirit into you.”

“Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to actually dump you in the forest…”

“Talk to the hand, Gramps!”

 ---------

Christmas Day

Christmas mornings were always rushed and crazy at the Valentine household. Although Vicky loved Christmas in her family home, she didn’t know how much she actually enjoyed the lazy, easy Christmas mornings until she was able to experience it. And she couldn’t be more content that it was with Ethan.

Mercifully, he let her sleep until 9am (obviously, he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t mumble something about her sleeping too long and how she was able to function like this, but she completely ignored the remarks) and then brought her breakfast to bed, which she consumed in its entirety, with a little help from Jenner. The most important meal of the day had been delivered with a complimentary kiss, which was her favourite part.

“Ethan!” She shouted from the bedroom, not quite ready to leave the comfort of his bed. The older doctor left her with the food and went to prepare them both a cup of coffee.

“Jesus Christ woman, you’re so loud I’m starting to consider getting rid of my stereo.”

“Oh, it didn’t seem to bother you last night.” She winked at him and he grinned involuntarily. How was it possible that she was in possession of his facial expressions too?

“Anyway, can you please remind me what time we have to be there tonight?”

“Be where tonight?”

“Naveen’s Christmas Party.”

“We’re not going.”

“Yes, we are.”

“No, we are not.” 

“Ok, let me rephrase this: me and my unearthly seductive dress are definitely in attendance. If you and Your Royal Grumpiness wish to stay home, be my guests.”

“You don’t play fair.”

“All’s fair in love and war.”

“You know how much I hate rubbing shoulders with idiots in bowties.”

“I do, but let me offer some consolation. This time, you don’t have to do this, because we are not raising any donations. Also, we can laugh at those idiots together and if either of us is stuck in a pointless conversation, the other can always rescue them.”

He couldn’t argue with her logic, instead pulling her close against his chest and kissing the top of her head.

Later this evening 

“V, how much longer until you are ready?” Ethan was growing impatient. He hated waiting and just couldn’t understand what took her so long. He was convinced that even wearing a garbage bag, she’d be the most stunning woman in the room.

“Ethan, nothing has changed since you’ve asked me 5 minutes ago.”

“Fine, but don’t be surprised if I leave without you.” 

“No you won’t. But for someone who didn’t want to go at all not longer than 8 hours ago you are quite eager now. Call me an influencer.”

“I’ll call you whatever you want if this means we can leave soon. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back.”

“Whatever I want? Bad move Ramsey, bad move.” 

“I’ll sho—“

He turned around and the words got stuck in his throat at the sight unveiling in front of him. She looked like a freaking goddess, who decided to descend from Mount Olympus and grace the mortals with her presence.

“You were saying?”

“I..I… you..well..” For a man so educated he now sounded less articulate than a toddler. To make things worse, a certain body part painfully reminded him that behind the facade of accomplishments, he was still a primate. 

“Ethan, could you stop talking so much? I can’t hear my own thoughts.” She laughed and it was so infectious that he couldn’t help but smile. 

She decided to wear a long, black gown, with a thigh high split showing her slim, tanned legs that he was a total sucker for. The ensemble was complimented by crystal embellished sandals and glamorous drop earrings. 

“I’ve never seen anyone whose insides matched their outsides so accurately. To me, you are perfect.”

Her heart stopped and she felt butterflies waltzing through her stomach. No matter how many times Ethan complimented her, she always felt like Cupid punched her right in the face. And she hoped the feeling would never fade or disappear.

“So you watched Love Actually with me yesterday.”

“Watched is an overstatement. I might have peeked a few times.” Ethan cleared his throat. “Can we go now?”

“Absolutely not. Did the Edenbrook gala not teach you that if you need to attend an event you are not particularly excited about, you shouldn’t go sober?”

“I suppose you have a point here. One drink.”

“Three.”

“Two.”

“Deal! Pleasure doing business with you, Dr Ramsey.” 

Ethan poured them both a glass of his best scotch. Before she was able to take a sip, he stopped her with his hand. “I’d like to propose a toast.”

“Fire away.”

“To curing the incurable. In medicine and in life.” He sent her a sweet, genuine smile that made her heart beat ten times faster.

Then, they made some bets about what’s going to happen during this year’s party, who’s going to get so wasted that they will be forced to perform a walk of shame for months to come. For the whole time, the younger doctor couldn’t shake the feeling that he is studying her.

“What is it? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I’ve spent too much time with you for my observation skills not to improve insanely. Like it or not, you created a monster.”

“I like to think of it as making the world a better place… nevertheless, I’m impressed, Dr Valentine. For a 3rd year resident your skills are exquisite.” 

She put her hand on her heart and smiled. All the compliments she’s ever received in her life faded in comparison to one from Ethan Ramsey. Her high school hero, her inspiration and she still couldn’t quite believe it, the man she was now sharing her life with. 

“Now, if you’ll allow me, I must order a cab now, otherwise I may lose a battle soon.”

“What battle?”

Ethan looked at her, lust flooding from his eyes. He quickly stepped behind her and gripped her waist, then leaned into her ear, catching it ever so gently with his lips. This alone was enough for her knees to give out and she was never more grateful for the kitchen island and the fact she was holding onto it for dear life. But he didn’t stop there. He whispered into her ear and no other sounds in the world could compare to the symphony of his voice, dripping with desire.

“The one in my mind, between my rational mind and my primal desire, urging me to rip off this dress and devour you right now.”

Goosebumps spread across her body, a painful reminder of the fact that maybe her mind and mouth could lie to Ethan, but her body couldn’t. Damn it.

She knew it was a matter of milliseconds before she’d be unable to make a rational decision, so she quickly slipped from Ethan’s grip and whispered: “You should order it now then.” Then, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Oh, you’re gonna make me work for it, aren’t you?”

“Well, that’s only part of the reason. The other, bigger part is that I just really, really want to show up at this party with my insanely hot boyfriend by my side, without finally having to hide and pretend. Unless…he’s ashamed of me.” 

“Vic, there are a lot of things in my life that have ‘shame’ and ‘you’ in one sentence. I’m ashamed of running away from you to Amazon. I’m ashamed of denying my feelings for so long. I’m ashamed of hurting you, more than once. But to have you by my side, to finally call you mine? That’s my greatest pride. Now, shall we?” He offered her a wide smile and his arm.

“You asshole. First, you try to seduce me and then you make me cry. Let’s go then, Naveen is going to kill us. I promised we’re only gonna be fashionably late.”

———————

The party was already bustling when they arrived, the room filled with chatter of many guests in attendance. The event was Naveen’s pride and a tribute to his many years as one of the most important figures in today’s medicine. It was almost like Elton John’s Oscars after party - everyone wanted to be there. Being there made Vicky feel special, but more than that, uneasy - she was still just a resident and somehow felt like she didn’t belong there. At least, not yet.

In the background, the string quartet played classical versions of popular songs and carols. The venue was impressive, located within one of Boston’s most prestigious hotels, whose owner was Naveen’s - obviously - long time friend. 

The second Dr Banerji spotted them, he practically ran in their direction, almost bumping into one of the guests.

“Well well, if this isn’t my favourite pair of doctors. Dr Valentine, you look like you walked out of one of Botticelli’s paintings.”

“Enough with the formalities. I’m so happy to see you, Naveen! Merry Christmas.” She hugged the old doctor tightly and although initially surprised by this display of affection, he instantly relaxed and returned the hug.

“Merry Christmas, my dear.” 

“It’s quite something, this party of yours Naveen. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“Why, thank you. You know what my favourite part is?” He locked arms with the younger doctor and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “This party satiates my hunger for gossip for months to come. And I’m pretty sure this evening will be, for many reasons, unforgettable. Enjoy your evening, my friends, I shall see you around.” 

Naveen winked at Vicky and Ethan felt like there was some sort of unspoken agreement between them, one that he wasn’t a part of.

“What was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“I know you and I know Naveen. Something is off here.” 

“Ethan Ramsey, are you jealous? FYI, I don’t fancy older men. Oh no, wait. I totally do.” She was trying really hard to stay serious, but failed miserably.

“Very funny, Valentine.”

“Sorry Gramps. This one you were totally asking for.”

“I’m gonna go get us some real drinks, I need to hydrate myself heavily if I’m to survive the evening.”

“Don’t cloud your judgement too much, Ethan. You may need it.” 

Maybe he was imagining the whole exchanging looks thing between Vicky and Naveen. But now he was certain she’s hiding something. And he intended to find out what it is or he was not Dr Ethan Ramsey. 

After he fetched them the drinks, they found their seats and soon Naveen made his annual speech, summarising the whole year and thanking tons of people. Vicky loved experiencing Naveen as a speaker, he didn’t have Ethan’s commanding presence, but his years of experience and sincerity in his voice made everyone listen with absolute silence.

He then joined them at the table. Of course he sat us with him, Ethan thought.

“Naveen, if you think I’m going to be your source of hospital gossip, think again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t spend as much time in the hospital together and I miss my dear friends.”

Before he was able to respond, Vicky pinched his thigh under the table and sent him a murderous look. 

“We miss you too, Naveen. Now, why don’t you two catch up properly, whilst I’m gonna go and do my round of talks, there are a couple of people I wanted to chat with.”

“Sure, feed me to the lions, Vic.”

“When have you become such a drama queen, Ethan? If I wanted to feed you to the lions, you’d be standing over there.” She pointed her finger to the corner of the room, where some big pharma executives were enjoying themselves. She waved friendly in their direction, and they responded in kind.

“Alright gentlemen, I need to run before they catch me.”  

Before she turned around, her and Naveen shared meaningful looks, but before Ethan had a chance to ask, she was already gone. Plus, Naveen changed the subject and the two immersed themselves in a very interesting conversation, which reminded Ethan how much he liked his mentor, not as a doctor, but genuinely as a human being. This made him one of a few people Ethan truly liked.

Dr Ramsey was one of those people who, when they were focused - whether on the case, on the conversation or on watching an opera - dedicated their attention entirely to said activity. Which was probably the reason why the sounds coming from the stage took him by surprise. He didn’t realise that the string quartet had been replaced by a group of young people, who started playing more lively. 

No longer than 30 seconds later, someone started singing, but the voice was not coming from the stage. It was coming from behind. Suddenly, all the guests turned their heads around as one. 

The snow's coming down

I'm watching it fall

Lots of people around

Baby please come home

The angelic voice belonged to a beautiful girl in a black gown. She sat on a bar stool, side-facing everyone. Suddenly, she jumped from the seat and started walking towards the stage, each step sensual.

The church bells in town

All ringing in song

Full of happy sounds

Baby please come home

Ethan must have looked like an absolute idiot, because he sat there gaping like a fish.

They're singing "Deck The Halls"

But it's not like Christmas at all

'Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

Once on the stage, she owned both the stage and the crowd. Some people started dancing, others clapped to the rhythm and sang with her. When she finished and took a bow, the audience applauded her generously. 

“Good evening everyone. I’m Vicky and I’m a doctor at Edenbrook Hospital. Thank you for organising this amazing event, Naveen, and thanks for having me. And now, please meet these amazing musicians, whom I have the honour of calling my friends. Back in high school we formed a band, which we called Valentine’s Day… that was a very accurate name on many levels.” She chuckled and the crowd followed. 

“You are looking at people who never gave up on their dreams and now play in some amazing venues. I couldn’t be more proud of them. It would have been the same for me, most likely, if it wasn’t for a book, which I’m sure a lot of you ladies and gentlemen are familiar with. It’s called Diagnostics Principles. After I read it, nothing was the same. And here I am, all these years later, getting covered in blood and sweat almost every day. But today, I can at least bask in the glory of the amazing people standing here with me.”  

“I’d like to dedicate this next song to the author of the above mentioned book. He changed my life in more ways than he can realise. And although I promised him we will not exchange any Christmas presents, I haven’t spent any money on this one, so technically it doesn’t count, right?” She earned another amused reaction from the crowd.

“It’s my favourite Christmas song and I’m so honoured to be able to sing it for you.”

The subtle sounds of a piano reverberated in the room and she started singing, her voice pure and powerful.

O Holy night

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Ethan couldn’t move or breathe. He just stared, completely transfixed. 

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

'Til He appears and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

To hear her singing was one thing. To feel all the things the act was doing to him, was completely different. With every sound produced by her vocal cords, a new, overwhelming sensation was born inside of him.

Fall on your knees

O hear the Angel voices

O night divine

O night when Christ was born

O night divine

O night

Oh night divine

Their eyes locked and she sent him a look so full of affection that he felt a warm tear flowing down his cheek. 

For him, it was anything but watching a performance. It was a spiritual experience. Towards the end of the song, she hit the notes so high, that he couldn’t help but look around the room. Everyone was in awe of her. And he was never prouder to call her “his”.

After the last bits of instruments resonated, the guests gave her a standing ovation. Ethan clapped his hands so hard that they hurt. He even whistled on his fingers which he hasn’t done since high school. To hell with it, he thought. 

And then he ran, knowing that in a second he will not be able to squeeze through the crowd of admirers. He scooped her in his arms and kissed her with so much passion that she felt dizzy.

“Wow, that was different.”

“What do you mean?”

“The kiss, it felt different.”

“There are so many things I want to say right now, but I can’t do it here. How much longer do we have to stay?”

“I promised the guys I will sing a couple more songs with them and then I wanted to introduce you and have a drink together. After that, we’re free to go.”

“Deal.”

——

“My feet are killing me. I don’t know how I survived in those heels, but I’m walking barefoot for the next 2 days.” 

“How fitting since I’m not going to let you out of this apartment until we have to go back to work.”

“I’m gonna go get changed in my PJ’s”

“Ah, not that soon.” Ethan said with a devilish smile and then approached her, reaching for her hand. “May I have this dance?”

“Although I’m tempted to say no to Dr Ramsey just to prove a point, I could never say no to Ethan.” She took a bow and gave him her hand.

“Lucky me. I just wanted to dance with you away from the prying eyes. For the whole evening everyone stared at you. I’m a selfish man and I was counting the minutes until I have the view all to myself.”

The sounds of Something by The Beatles started seeping from a glamorous gramophone.

“The Beatles? I didn’t take you for the type who’d listen to them.”

“Frank Sinatra christened this song the ‘greatest love song ever written.’ And who am I to argue with him?”

For a moment they swayed in silence, cheek to cheek. Then, the older doctor leaned back and looked her straight in the eye.

“So, you are not great at keeping promises, are you?” He mumbled playfully. 

“You mean the “let’s not exchange gifts” thing? I stand by what I said earlier, I haven’t spent a dime on it, so it doesn’t count.”

“It’s funny that you don’t even begin to realise how wrong you are.” He was very serious but there was a rare gentleness in his voice. “First of all, you mentioned you had a band in high school and that you sang but you never told me that you practically traded being a music star for being a doctor.” She blushed shyly at the compliment.

“Secondly, when you sang, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of you. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard and I consider myself an audiophile.”

“Coming from you, this is officially the biggest praise ever. I will have this printed and framed. You may even get an autograph if you play your cards right.”

“Shut up, I haven’t finished. You can ruin the moment later.” Ethan playfully swatted her arm. 

“With you, I am discovering parts of myself I never knew existed. And I’m strangely content with this. So, to sum up, all of the above makes me feel very guilty that I didn’t get you anything.”

“Ethan, you don’t have to give me anything. But it’s funny you said that, because you don’t even begin to realise how wrong you are.” She was proud of herself for being able to use his own words as a counterargument. 

“Actually, you gave me the biggest gift yesterday: a real part of you. I’m guessing, actually it’s more than a guess, that this is not something you shared with many people.”

“I haven’t shared this with anyone.”

“And that’s the biggest gift I could ever ask for. I want to be the person who helps you carry the cross, no matter how heavy it is.”

He pressed her even tighter against his chest and rested his chin on her head. But he felt the need to express all the other things his words couldn’t, so he gently lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted and smelled divine. On a very basic level, she smelled like coconut and mango. 

To him, she smelled like spring, summer, autumn and winter. Like a promise of sun after the storm. Like home. Ethan finally found his home, his safe haven.

The kiss made her feel dizzy again and then she remembered.

“So, the kiss. It feels different. Why?” She looked at him so innocently it almost made him sweat. Ethan cupped her cheek as if he was holding the most precious thing in his palm… and for him, he was.

 “When you were singing for me, I made a promise. From now on, whenever I kiss you, I want to make it feel like it’s the last time, but also a promise of the million more kisses we will share. Merry Christmas, Vicky.”

“Merry Christmas, Ethan.”

***************************

If you made it this far, from the bottom of my heart - thank you & you are awesome! I wish you all the best in 2021, let’s hope it’s a better year for us all :)

Tag list: @genevievemd | @terrm9 | @starrystarrytrouble | @danijimenezv | @mercury84choices | @maurine07 | @gryffindordaughterofathena | @jamespotterthefirst | @justanotherrookie | @alwaysmychoices | @takeharryandgo | @beckaroo | @lucy-268 | @aarisa-frost | @openheartfanfics | @caseyvalentineramsey | @brooks-eden | @heauxplesslydevoted | @iemcpbchoices | @lovingramsey​ 

[you-andthebottlemen]

50 - An Original. Van helping you out with your photography career.

Wait, what’s that? Evangeline? Posting AGAIN? Insane. 

Happy ‘Conversation’ release day! What did you all think of it?

Here is a small original fic I wrote over the last few days. I love it, might be one of my favourites ever. Hope you enjoy it too! Thank you to my girl @storiesaboutvan for editing this for meeee. 

And reminder that REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

E x

********************************************

“Rejected! Again!” you exclaimed in frustration and slammed your laptop closed.

“What? Really?” Miranda, your best friend, replied.

You’d emailed more than a dozen band and artist managers that month, for any artist playing a show in your town in the coming weeks, trying to get media approval. Photography was your thing, you loved it more than anything and you were damn good at it too. Your dream was to be a music photographer though, and to do that, you needed to be in front of the music to capture it. Sneaking a small camera into the crowd wasn’t cutting it anymore. 

“You’re amazing though y/n! I don’t understand why you don’t get approved?”

Miranda sat on your floor sifting through her Instagram that was filled with photos you’d taken of her. That’s about all you were good for at the moment; taking people’s profile pictures.

“Yeah, but it’s all about who you know, not what you know,” you whined. “Doesn’t matter how good you are.”

You stood from your desk and flopped down on your bed with a groan of defeat.

“That’s bullshit though,” Miranda replied. 

“I know.”

You stared at the camera, sets of lenses and other equipment that lined the shelves above your desk. Your eyes narrowed. 

“Maybe I just have to really put myself out there,” you said quietly.

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute.

“What do you mean?”

“If venues and managers aren’t going to approve me to shoot, I’ll never get any experience. How do you get accepted with no portfolio? I’ll have to just get out there and find a way to do it all myself. If no one’s going to give it to me, I’ll go and take it.”

“Sounds devious, tell me more,” Miranda grinned mischievously. 

*************************

As you packed the last of your gear into your camera bag, the nerves started to hit. Catfish and the Bottlemen were playing in your town that night and you vaguely knew of them, but more importantly, it was a gig. A gig that you were going to sneak into and photograph. Your plan was to dress professionally, act confident and pretend you were assigned to photograph the concert, but someone had made an admin mistake, so your name wasn’t on the list. A far-fetched idea but one you hoped might just pull through for you. Bit of a long shot. You’d had enough rejection to last a lifetime so this was worth it if it paid off.

You’d dressed in all black in attempt to look serious and inconspicuous. Hopefully they didn’t think you were just a kid or something. But you knew that heaps of music photographers were only in their 20s so surely that wouldn’t be the main issue? 

Miranda dropped you off at the venue after giving you the pep talk of your life on the way there. The worst that would happen is you’d be turned away. Nothing to be nervous about. Right? You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans, exited the car and headed towards the door. Your legs wobbled with nerves as you walked but hopefully no one else could tell. 

As you approached you could see a few fans already huddled religiously around the entrance, all eager for that front row view. A large and round security guard stood at the door, holding a clipboard and a very stern facial expression. Why were security guards always so scary? You took a deep breath and took confident strides up to him. 

“Media,” you said simply with a small, polite smile when he looked at you.

His gaze turned suspicious.

“Name?”

You gave him your name and he scanned his clipboard for the piece of paper that confirmed you were meant to be there. Your heart was pounding so hard you were scared it would burst right out of your chest. 

“Nope. Don’t see no ‘y/n’ here,” he said and then rudely looked away as if you’d disappeared already. 

“Oh, that’s strange… I am definitely meant to be photographing the band. Got it all confirmed the other week…”

He looked you up and down, pursed his lips and returned to the clipboard. You weren’t really sure what move to make next…there was only so much convincing you could do. 

“No.”

“Please… I really have to get in there! They’re expecting me!” you insisted. 

You felt horrible for lying; you were definitely going to hell. 

“Not on the list, no entrance,” he grunted. 

Your hopes fell. 

“There’s no one you can go talk to…? Must be an admin error.”

“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

You stood on the spot. When you didn’t budge, the security guard grabbed your arm roughly and tried to escort you away. You fought against him.

“Oi, mate, what’s goin’ on here?” 

The security dropped your arm immediately. You turned around to see a tall and lanky guy holding a takeaway coffee cup and a pack of cigarettes, dressed in all black and wearing sunglasses. He was quite… pointy looking? His nose, cheekbones and jaw were all sharp. His hair was a messy, dark sandy brown and fell nicely in soft waves. Though it could probably do with a wash, you thought. When you saw the few fans sat by the door engulf themselves into whispers and stares, you immediately recognised him as the singer of the band that you’d seen on the posters around town. A few of the girls stood and inched closer, waiting for him to be done talking, phones and tickets in hand.

“Say’s she’s meant to be taking photos or summat. Not on the list though, and media isn’t expected til 6,” the security guard grunted again.

The guy’s eyes shifted between you and the security guard. You threw him a pleading look. 

“Oh yeah…” he said softly in a high tone, as if he were remembering a forgotten thought. “Yeah I was told you’d be here. Early.”

Your eyes widened in shock. He was covering for you? The security guard looked just as shocked.

“Uh, yes,” you agreed with him. 

“Sorry, erm… y/n. I’ll go see about that paperwork,” he said. 

“Oh no need, it’s fine now,” you replied, not wanting him to sniff out your lie. 

“In you go then you two.”

You went inside, unsure of which way to go, what to do or of what even just happened. You were in absolute shell shock. It worked? And only because that singer went along with your lie. Why though? Whatever the reason, you were beyond grateful. If it weren’t for him, you’d be going home defeated yet again. You clung tightly to the strap of your camera bag on your shoulder and waited for the lanky singer, who was outside taking pictures and signing autographs. 

“This way,” he smiled as he came through the doorway. “I’m Van.”

He gestured for you to follow him. Van walked with a slight spring in his step, a slight ‘groove’ as your mother would say. He looked effortlessly cool. 

“Y/n,” you replied nervously from behind, still in shock that he got you in. “Thank you so much… Why did you-”

“Shhh, don’t want grumpy pants outside to hear you weaselled ya way in.” 

You followed Van up the hallway in astounded silence and unsure of where he was taking you. Soon enough you came to the other side of the building and out the door into a courtyard. You glanced around quickly to take in the space. It was all bricked, overgrown ivy and weeds climbed from the ground up the sides of the tall fences that enclosed the square area and a battered white table and chairs sat sadly in the middle. 

“What are we out here for?” you asked stupidly. 

Van removed his sunglasses; his eyes stood out to you immediately, even from afar. Blue with the longest lashes you’d ever seen, piercing but in a way that made you feel seen, not scared. 

“Well, you did say you were here to photograph us yeah?” Van winked.

You gave an embarrassed smile and pulled your eyes away from his. 

“Thanks again, Van. You didn’t have to cover for me, but yeah. Thanks.”

“It’s no problem love,” he chuckled. “What happened anyway? I figured from the look on ya face that you weren’t actually meant to be on the list.”

Van sat down at the table and chairs, placed down his coffee cup and pulled a cigarette from the box he was still holding. He slid his sunglasses over the collar of his black button up so he had two free hands. The unbuttoned neckline of his shirt dipped down, and you could see a gold chain hanging delicately from his neck. He lit the cigarette smoothly, placing it in his mouth and cupping a hand around it to shield the flame. When it lit, he let out a large breath and billow of smoke. As he did so, he made direct eye contact with you.  A simple act, but one that was extremely attractive. You felt your heart rate increase slightly and a blush rise to your cheeks. You looked away.

“Yeah. Uh, so. I’m a photographer, well trying to be one. Graduated uni a few years back and still haven’t really gotten anywhere. I never get approved to shoot shows though since you need to give a portfolio of experience… How are you meant to have a portfolio and get experience if they never let you in? Dumb. Sorry I’m rambling…”

Van chuckled, shook his head slightly and motioned for you to continue. 

“I kind of got fed up with it so thought I’d try sneaking in. If they weren’t gonna give it to me, I’d take it,” you shrugged, repeating what you’d already explained to Miranda.

“I like that,” Van smiled, then blew out another puff of smoke. “I used to sneak into gigs and stuff all the time. Me and my best mate Larry would go to festivals and like, pass the wristband through the gate round the back, so we’d only have to buy one between us.”

You liked the way Van’s accent made him pronounce ‘us’ like ‘uz’.

“That’s brilliant,” you replied, impressed and wishing you’d thought of that in the past. 

“So don’t worry: no judgement from me. I admire it honestly.”

You smiled at Van and walked over to the table to place your camera bag down. Time to stop being awkward as all fuck. 

“Shall we then?” you asked.

“Let’s do it.”

Van blew out another large puff of smoke then put the cigarette out in the ashtray that sat on the stained plastic table top. You fitted your camera together, choosing the 50mm lens which was your favourite for portraits. As you did so, it all sunk in. You were about to take shots of a famous musician. This could change your career. What’s more is that this extremely famous musician seemed to enjoy talking to you and was also extremely attractive… You gulped and began to take some test shots of the courtyard to get the right settings for the light.

“You tell me what to do, love; how do you want me to pose?”

“You’re really serious about this? Thought I was just going to get a chance at photographing your gig, not portraits of the singer! You don’t mind?” you asked, checking to make sure he was definitely okay with it. 

“Will it help with your… portfolio? Or like getting published and that?”

“Immensely,” you nodded. 

Published. Wow. You hadn’t even thought of that.

“Then yeah, I’m okay.”

Your heart flooded with warmth and gratitude towards Van. You weren’t even sure how to show it. 

“You don’t really need to pose…just sort of be natural. Keep talking to me if you want.”

You found that most subjects felt most comfortable being photographed when you engaged with them in conversation, kept it calm and casual. And besides, you always preferred candid photos to heavily posed ones anyway. You took a few warm up shots of him and checked your settings. You felt a little awkward sticking the camera in his face, but he seemed relaxed. Probably used to it by now. 

“Dead nice camera you got there,” Van commented, breaking the silence. 

“Thanks,” you smiled, chuffed. 

It was a pretty nice camera. Recently purchased with all your savings. It had been the camera of your dreams for years and now that you owned it, you didn’t use it nearly as much as you should. You were happy it was going to get a proper work out today.

“I don’t know nothin’ about photography though, but our drummer, Bob, is well into it. More film stuff though? Like proper old style.”

“That’s awesome,” you replied. “I’ve not really tried film but I’d like to one day.”

“Maybe I can get Sideshow to give you some pointers. He’s not a huge talker though but he’s dead good at taking photos.”

“Sideshow?”

“Oh, yeah, Bob’s nickname, been stuck for ages.”

You laughed slightly at the odd nickname. You asked Van about how it came to be and he launched animatedly in the story. As he spoke,  you moved around him slowly to get different angles and lighting. He sat calmly in his chair, sometimes looking directly into the camera and sometimes at you or away into the distance. You could tell already that these photos were going to look amazing in black and white. Van had a brooding look to him, but his eyes were warm and brought you in.

Van was sort of beautiful? He was handsome in a way that you don’t necessarily notice immediately but did the more he talked, in his mannerisms and the way he moved. He was unconventional and you liked that.

“Do you mind if I…?”

Van motioned at his cigarettes and you shook your head. He did the same thing as before when he lit the cigarette but stared right down your camera lens when he blew out that first breath, squinting his eyes slightly. God damn. You clicked away, feeling annoying like paparazzi but also glad that you’d caught all of this on camera. You couldn’t wait to go through the photos later that night.

“So y/n…” Van started, then took a drag of his cigarette. “Why photography?”

Interesting question. 

“I guess I just always knew that it was the thing for me. It’s what I’ve always been most passionate about. What about you, with music?”

“Same really. I guess I just always knew.”

You looked up from behind the camera and smiled at Van. You liked that he was showing interest in you when he definitely didn’t have to. He was down to earth, kind and normal. The fame hadn’t gone to his head. 

“What do you like about it?” he asked.

Your answer was immediate.

“I guess for me, it’s all about capturing a moment. I love being able to take a shot and make people feel something or like, be transported back to that minute in time. So, I want to be a music photographer… I reckon those moments, when you’re at a gig seeing your favourite artist with your mates, they’re the best ones to go back to and feel again.”

Van sat in his chair and nodded in agreement. 

“We have a lot in common you and me,” he chuckled thoughtfully.

A happy, confused sort of smile bloomed across your face and one of your eyebrows raised in slight bewilderment. 

“Hey, come here, give me that.”

Van stood and bounded over to you with arms outstretched. 

“I’m gonna take photos of you now. Show me how to use this!”

Usually people touching your camera made you want to scream. But Van was endearing. 

“No!” you squealed and ducked away as he shoved the camera in your face. 

You were both laughing and he was clicking away, you tried to escape him but that only led him to use one long arm to grab you around the waist and hold you still in front of him so he could take a front on photo of your face. Though as he said, he knew nothing of photography so of course the 50mm lens would make that angle far too zoomed in. 

“Oh, I thought that was gonna be a good one but it’s like just your nose,” he laughed, sounding confused. 

You were flushed and heart pounding. Van’s arm still lingered loosely around your waist as he flicked through the photos you’d both taken. 

“Yeah, see the lens, it kind of zooms everything in a little so you don’t have to stand as close to someone to get their whole face in the shot,” you explained, trying to use simple concepts.

You took the camera from Van and his arm dropped. He stood close, looking down at you. You pretended to be engrossed in your camera. 

“I like this one.”

You pulled up the photo of him blowing out smoke and looking straight into the camera and turned it around so he could see. You could see the smoke blur gently in the air around him, giving it a hazy, grungy feel. 

“I like that too. Wow, you’re good y/n.”

You beamed at him and felt proud of yourself. Maybe this was all going to work out for you after all?