#sometimes when i rant like this to someone i pick up on speech patterns that conservatives use about queer people

[ratspider]

i cannooottttt stand the way that parents will just subtly reinforce gender roles in their extremely young children who don't know what gender is in the first place. i was playing music with some friends and a little kid and his dad were hanging about cuz he knew said friends and the kid wanted us to play the music faster and his dad was like 'ohhh he's a boy alright' and i just. lost a little faith in humanity. in what world except a cishet human's is wanting to go faster related to gender in any way?? he's a FOUR YEAR OLD. for FUCK'S SAKE. i cannot stand parents

[littleeyesofpallas]

since i guess some people are picking thru my old posts again, I never realized Mayuri was one of those characters whose bits and pieces I never really consolidated, like i did some others...

I think this was the first time I mentioned his bankai [X] and just how it fits the broad trend of Kubo referencing Buddhist figures that Viz never really explained or translated very clearly.

Then there's his post in the series of kanji name things I did[X] and this is kind of hard for me read looking back on it now, but whatever it's more or less still holds up...

Oh a weird followup i forgot i even made[X] it's kind of nullified by...

...the time I realized his name is probabaly meant to be the Hindi name for the Peacock [X]

I translated his BBS Beyond Bankai form since the official English didn't [X]

Oh right and my sort weak attempt at picking at his speech patterns[X]

Then less about reading into anything sometimes I just point at stuff...

Collecting all his different face paint patterns[X]

The turtleshell pattern on his neck-cushion thing[X]

The musical inspiration behind him[X]

That time someone asked if he had lips[X]

The time I colorized all his databook pages for some reason...[X]

Some fun textography stuff around his bankai[X]

technically he shows up in the family tree thing i salvaged and updated[X]

Oh and he's in that series of height charts someplace[1][2][3][4][5][6]

And less directly related...

Just my random headcanon[X]

That time i ranted about Nemu's changing breast size[X]

I guess Nemu's technically part of these rants[X][X]

Misc. Akon stuff[1][2][3]

Other random R&D stuff[1][2]

This one's just the Gotei 13 in general[X]

weird I thought I'd done a post before about Nemu's weird barely existent zanpakutou and trying to compare it to Mayuri's... Not that there's anything conclusive... Kubo made the handwarp on it what seems like green? Maybe blue? But the digital colorist made it red and I somehow doubt they bothered to consult any one on it when they did.

I was kind of expecting hers to match his as if it was just a copy of what his sword looked like without all its modifications. But that doesn't seem to hold up. Mayuri's handwrap never is colored by Kubo himself until super late in the series --he made it peacock blue and the digital colorist changed it moving forward accordingly-- so the anime went with a kind of deep wine red/purple. But the new anime seems to have stuck with the purple.

(Kubo's own Mayuri cosplay used the purple though. Although I assume he paid someone to make all that and that they just used the first thing google gave them as reference)

[thejolteonmastertjspoilers]

The Monoma Meta Nobody Asked For

I don’t remember who it was on Reddit that said it makes sense for Monoma to be one of the most empathetic characters in BNHA cuz of his Quirk, (his quirk allows him to walk in the shoes of other people in ways most will never be able to even if for 5 minutes at a time), but let’s talk about it for a minute.

Monoma is a character full of contradictions but there’s a method to the madness. 

Let’s take a real deep look at the manga shall we?

It’s pretty much canon that Monoma trash talks 1-A so much in-part b/c he cares that much... too much... about his own classmates.  It’s implicitly obvious based on the way he interacts with his classmates and phrases his rants at class 1-A. 

The fact that he’s obviously influenced by Vlad is just the cherry on top. 

He’s prideful of not just himself but also his friends.  Let’s break down the nuances there.

Ch196 above, Ch207 below.

Empathy

The kid has a way with words. 

The kid has a weirdly poetic way with words.

He goes out of his way to encourage or reassure his classmates in a deeply thoughtful manner at every given opportunity.

He hyped up Setsuna Tokage before her battle with Bakugo and we saw him grin in pride when Komori took down Tokoyami. 

Whenever Monoma does criticize his classmates, it’s always frank, honest, but constructive, with the intention to help them improve.  He’s even contrasted with his own teacher for being relatively more kind in the delivery of his criticism (see the next screenshot).  Given that Monoma’s shown to be strongly influenced by Vlad, this particular difference stands out.

You never see an anime/manga character get fancifully philosophical & genuinely helpful like this unless they are an adult, usually the MC’s mentor.  Monoma’s legit acting more like an anime mentor than any of Deku’s multiple mentors.  lmfaooo.

Realistically speaking, all of this, the philosophical speeches & level-headed advice, takes an incredible amount of emotional & mental labor.  The kid’s practically doing half of Vlad’s job for him.

It’s during the joint training arc we begin to see why his classmates put up with him and are on friendly terms despite how obnoxious & cheesy he can be & how often they need to keep him in check.

It’s clear even as far back as the sports festival that his classmates don’t actually hate him, despite the smacks & tough love they also just shake their heads with a smile on their face as they say “sorry about him,” cuz that’s just the way he is.  They love him anyways.

He’s an annoying little sh*t but he’s their annoying little sh*t.  Perhaps they even realize why he acts the way he does towards class 1-A, it’s because he cares too much.

Sketch translated by @aitaikimochi​

Putting Up An Act

I think there’s actually even more to it when it comes to his rowdy & brash behaviors. 

Monoma is empathetic because of how his Quirk works.  He needs to learn to use the Quirks of others in order to become a hero.  In doing so he logically needs to become privy to all the Quirk’s weaknesses, not just their strengths.  Not only does he need to become privy to these often deeply personal details of one’s lived life, he needs to experience them, even if for just five minutes at a time.  It’s natural, even necessary, for Monoma to become exceptionally close to his classmates.

But he’s only like that because of how his Quirk works.  It’s his naturally nurtured self.  His conscious self, though, is notably different.

What we see when Monoma says he and Shinsou need to do unheroic things to get by is not his naturally nurtured self, but is a conscious decision.

At some point in his life, Monoma came to the conclusion that being too kindhearted all the time will be weakness.  This is clearly implied, almost outright stated when we heard Monoma’s thoughts when faced with Deku’s Black Whip, “All of the hopes and dreams in my mind from when I was younger are gradually becoming these heavy burdens... like some sort of curse.”  I am 99.999% sure it’s Monoma’s thoughts being shown there because the speech pattern & context don’t match up to Shinsou or Midoriya at all.

Basically, Monoma is a little sh*t because he saw his own empathy as a weakness, and overcompensates for it.  He’s trained himself to be brash & mischievous, likely from a very young age given how consistently brash he is.  We can see a little bit of this when interacting with his class-B classmates as well.

It was @thyandrawrites​ who first noticed this in this post, but here we see Monoma scolding Kendou after losing the beauty contest, giving perhaps too much tough love & TetsuTetsu steps in to Kendou’s defense.

Given how Monoma during the Joint Training arc clearly said everything he did to motivate his friends to do better, this is likely not an isolated occurrence.  The dude cares way too goddamn much for anyone’s good.

Yet there’s something else up with the guy too, something else that contributes even more to his unhealthy obsession with the rivalry vs class-A.  The dude has some serious self-esteem issues but is too prideful to seek real help.

Self-doubt

The fact that he’s the only member of class-B who failed the midterm despite having an intelligence stat of 5/5 speaks for itself.

Him failing the academic exam would be a sign of serious issues going on under the surface in itself, him failing the practical means he probably failed b/c he couldn’t hold his own and his teammate had to pick up the slack.

Him failing b/c he held back his teammate would have hit very close to home since we now know he was told “You can’t be a hero if you can’t do anything yourself” since he was a kid.

Basically, yet another reason he continues to antagonize class-A is a textbook example of someone pushing their insecurities onto someone or something else.

For something often played off as comedic relief there’s a lot of layers as to why Monoma does what he does.

But wait, there’s f*cking more.  There’s actually a particular reason Monoma expresses his insecurities in this unhealthy manner, and that reason ties into what I’ve already begun to address about his empathy.

Another Act

I don’t think it’s accident that the first time we see him have a real heart-to-heart with someone is when he’s attempting to do it for the sake of someone else.  Even if it is in a clumsy manner that ends up annoying Shinsou, it’s the intent I’m interested in here.

We almost never see Monoma receive or accept praise or reassurance, he’s always the one giving it.  He always makes it a point to put himself in the position where he’s being the emotionally strong one. 

He got over class 1-A securing their victory exceptionally fast, ready to put on a strong face for Tokage and the rest of his class.

The few times we do see him genuinely depressed, he’s distancing himself from others.  

He’s afraid of holding others back not just as a hero, but emotionally as well.  His instinct to be emotionally strong for the people he cares about stems not just from his strong empathy and caring nature nature itself, but also from his pride, insecurities and conscious decision to do everything he can do.

This is why he’s too prideful to seek or accept real emotional help & ends up venting his emotions in unhealthy & destructive ways.

His many depictions as an actor of sorts was intentional.  He juggles many acts, he puts on an act of emotional strength for his classmates, and he puts on an act of cruelty to get by as a hero.  To antagonize people in an attempt to throw them off their game.  Sometimes... oftentimes even, he misapplies these charades & gets carried away.  Oftentimes he fails entirely, he’s trying to do some hella complex things for a kid.

Finally, His Pride

Let’s not kid ourselves here, the dude has a major superiority/inferiority complex.  He fails to see how needlessly cruel he’s being when saying class-A asked to be attacked by villains etc.

I’m willing to bet he’ll be in a phase denial for a while now that Class-B and Class-A have gotten more openly friendly in recent chapters.  But because he cares so much about his classmates he’ll likely eventually come around to adjusting to a new frenemy relationship with 1-A... with much difficulty when we take his pride, insecurities & self-righteous envy into account.

He’ll probably end up being Tsundere about everything to protect his ego and so Horikoshi can keep using him for comedic relief lol.  Even if he does realize a lot of what he’s done was f*ked up, he’s too brash of a prankster to ever go fully soft on them either.

TL;DR... Monoma is a piece of mf work.  Not surprising really.

[angelofberlin2000]

Image Credit: DanielJackson / artandcommerce.com

The world doesn’t need more loud guys full of too many words, with buff arms, in tight shirts, and huge egos to match. The world needs quiet people. Why?

Quiet people make you think. Thinking brings clarity. Thinking can lead to change.

I’ve always been intrigued by Keanu. He is a quiet person who keeps to himself and still hasn’t figured out how to be famous after twenty-nine years of being one of the most iconic Hollywood Actors of all time.

Keanu doesn’t get fame, attention or noise. Instead, he prefers to be quiet and insert silence in his speeches and TV interviews.

When he does choose to speak, he drops short sentence bombs like this interview with Steven Colbert:

Stephen: “What do you think happens when we die, Keanu Reeves?”

Keanu: I know that the ones who love us will miss us.

In eleven words, Keanu summed up the entire meaning of life. It was a moment of sheer brilliance.

Take Time to Answer a Question

In a relatively unknown interview with Keanu back in 2000, RollingStone writer, Chris Heath, picks up on how Keanu uses silence.

I ask him why he acts. For forty-two seconds, he says nothing. Not a word, a grunt, a prevarication, or a hint that an answer might come. For most of that time, his head is angled at ninety degrees away from me, as if that’s where the oxygen is.

“Uh,” he finally says, “the words that popped into my head were expression and, uh, it’s fun.” A few minutes later, I lob a vague question about whether he ever wants to write or direct. He lets out a kind of quiet sigh.

At its worst, it’s like this. You ask Keanu Reeves a question and . . . just wait. Out in space, planets collide, stars go supernova. On earth, forests fall, animals screech and roar. People shout and rant and weep with anger and joy and just for the hell of it.

And, all this time, Reeves sits there, entirely silent.

On this particular occasion, the silence lasts seventy-two seconds.

Rather than answering a question, Keanu waits to see if he has an answer worth giving. He then attempts to edit down his response in his head so that it can be understood. Many of the interviews with Keanu contain huge chunks of silence. That’s why his TV interviews aren’t that in-depth because it takes him time to respond and a three-minute TV interview just doesn’t do it.

The real answers to life’s toughest questions take time to answer.

Softly Spoken Brings People Closer

Billie Eilish does this with her music. Many of her songs contain lyrics that are softly sung and you have to lean in to understand what she’s saying.

Keanu uses softly spoken words in interviews to bring people in and take them on a journey. Hollywood wants him to be loud and fancy, but that’s not how he rolls, and he’s intentional about it.

We’re told to be loud. Social media teaches us to use caps, emojis, hashtags and big, bold captions on our videos to get people to listen.

What if doing the opposite of loud was really the answer to being heard?

A soft voice like Keanu’s draws you in, and then, only then, can you hear what he is trying to say.

One-liners that Break the Room

Journalist, Miki Turner, shares this thought about Keanu in her story titled “Keanu is a man of a few soft-spoken words.”

It’s not that Reeves is difficult because sometimes he’ll go completely left and deliver a one-liner that will break up the room — like when a reporter asked Reeves if he felt his career was being defined by his “Matrix” experience.

“I am the ambassador for the ‘Matrix’ trilogy,” Reeves said in a deep, robot-like voice. “My operating hours are…”

When you speak less and sit back and listen, during the rare times when you do talk, you have the space to deliver one-liners like Keanu that blow people’s minds and help them to think deeply.

Silence Breeds Curiosity

Keanu uses silence brilliantly in speeches and public performances. The silence helps the listener become curious about what he’s going to say. It breeds suspense and that helps you put your phone away and listen.

Silence breeds curiosity and curiosity leads to a conversation where someone will listen to you.

Being Quiet Interrupts the Pattern

Hollywood actors are typically loud and have large personalities. By being quiet like Keanu, you interrupt people’s thought patterns.

Try this: attend a work meeting that you’re supposed to be contributing to. Say nothing. Sit there and actively listen with an engaged look on your face. Continue to be quiet and resist the urge to fill up time with your voice. Watch what happens. At some point, your silence is going to break the pattern of the meeting. Somebody is going to ask you for your point of view and it’s during that moment that you will be “properly” heard.

The typical pattern of meetings and human conversation is to talk a lot. Try being quiet to break the pattern and help people think with your words.

People can’t resist the urge to talk — they also can’t resist the urge to hear from the people who are extremely quiet.

Pauses Allow Time for Reflection

The quiet ones like Keanu always seem to use strategic pauses.

Between each point they’re trying to make, they add a pause. When giving a compliment or expressing gratitude, they add a pause to ensure the maximum effect is felt by those listening.

Pauses in human dialogue allow our minds to think at a deeper level.

The challenge is often we um and ah our way through pauses rather than intentionally leaving a few.

A pause is a tool you can use to get people to think.

The Smarter you Become, the Less You Speak

This is the key lesson Keanu has taught me: You’re not smart by talking a lot. You’re not having an impact by increasing your speech volume or trying to be important. You’re smart when you do the following:

Let people talk first

Listen with intention

When your face shows you’re engaged in the conversation

You practice saying less

You lead with empathy

Quiet People Make us Think

Silence is not only golden; it makes you think. And we need more time to think during these uncertain times.

Conversely, you can’t think about what someone is saying if you’re lost in thoughts of what you’re going to say next.

It’s okay to be quiet so you can think.

Quiet people change the world.

[bytemycupcakes]

Changeling!Pabit AU

I said I was makin a post and I don’t care that nobody seems interested in him cause I love this little puppet boy and wont stop making aus for him.

Under a cut cause l o n g e

--

-Pabit only ever remembers Boris as his caretaker

-Not unusual for a changeling, really but it’s true

-Boris always says he just found Pabit on a walk. People usually take that as a joke, but he’s being serious.

-Ya see, Pabit wandered a bit too far from the fae as an infant, and Boris almost tripped over him on a walk in the woods.

-Boris picked up this strange little faerie baby, they made eye contact, and Pabits body shifted to resemble Boris.

-Well fuck I guess Boris has a kid now. The thought of calling the local orphanage doesn’t even cross his mind, it’s really just, “Ah fuck I found a kid.. Guess I’m a dad then”

-Really the fact that Pabit seemed to latch onto and form to look like Boris didn’t help with that train of thought.

-It didn’t take long at all for it to click in Boris’ head that Pabit wasn’t human. Obviously the whole shapeshifting thing, but this child was practically FERAL.

-In a non-babyproofed home, Pabit wreaked havoc. Being a master at hiding, scuttering Boris’ walls, and getting into everything, especially things that a baby shouldn’t be touching.

-It took ages for Boris to get the house at least somewhat Pabit-proofed.

-Pabit still manages to get into shit constantly, it’s like a talent.

-Just like Child!Au, Pabit is not Pabit’s actual name, it’s a name he gained later on because of how much he mimics Boris. (Whats his actual name? No idea)

-Pabit’s gender was literally assigned. He doesn’t have typical human anatomy, being completely androgynous, and thus Boris just... -stamps Pabit with “boy” sticker-

-By the time of the habitat, Pabit id’s as masc non-binary

-Boris considers the day he found Pabit as his birthday, not actually knowing how old he was when found, he counts up from that date, thus where Pabit being 15 comes from.

-Pabit is so tall both because he is fae, and because his body mimics Boris for its aging. So he’s just.. so fucking tall.

-Pabit has a shadow form, but didn’t seem to gain one until he first saw Boris do it when he was a toddler.

-For awhile he’d just randomly shift to it, until his subconscious realized it was primarity an anger-based “transformation”

-While Boris’ shadow form is just intense anger, Pabit’s becomes almost like a rage. As his body grows to adapt most of his non-human ability (strength and some subtle basic magic) into said form.

-Depending on the source of anger, Pabit can be incredibly destructive or eerily calm but a ticking bomb.

-Even Boris gets a bit scared when Pabit shifts to the form... One too many times he’s had his house demolished from this child- Or even being injured by the rage (Nothing serious, but more damage than an 8 y/o should be able to give a grown man)

-From a very young age Pabit always showed signs of adhd/autism. Though he doesn’t technically have these conditions because he’s fae, he’s found comfort in knowing he’s not just really weird, and if people ask about it, he and Boris will just say he has ADHD and/or is autistic*

*[Lil step back: This whole au exists because I heavily project my adhd onto Pabit. And my girlfriend, who is autistic, loves the changeling trope (We even call her one fairly often). So please don’t get hateful about this]

-Boris was always pretty open about Pabit not being human, never tried to hide it from him. He grew up as the outcast and couldn’t figure out why, he’s not gonna let his son feel that same lost and broken feeling.

-Pabit tends to speak in broken sentences. He can speak in full, but feels more comfortable doing more of a Hulk speech pattern. Thus he often talks in third person, and leaves out words he deems unneeded to understand the sentence.

-He’ll fall into proper speech when ranting or infodumping, though. Speaking much more like Boris, with proper and large words.

-He stutters over bigger words a lot, and sometimes gets frustrated and just uses “dumbed down” language in its place (this is how he’ll describe it)

-Pabit has a major hyperfixation of puppetry and puppet making, and a smaller one on musical theatre/acting.

-There is Pabit, and then an actual puppet Habit. It was a gift for fathers day, and though it’s not as pretty as the irl puppet, it’s still pretty damn good for a 15 y/o with claws. Boris keeps it on a shelf in his office, it’s Pabits favorite out of all the puppets he’s made.

-Pabit will nab it and, using Boris’ desk as a stage, will just talk to Boris as “Boris”.

-Boris finds this absolutely adorable, and goes along with it. He’s made several business deals with this puppet. Usually for teeth.

-Which yes, Pabit eats. (No Pabit au is complete if he doesn’t eat teeth, fight me.)

-Pabit stims. A lot. His most common stims are kicking, bouncing, or wiggling his legs, chewing (Yes teeth eating is a stim for him, but he mostly goes for more rubbery textures), hand flapping, and full body wiggling/bouncing. He’ll also play with his hair, but it’s not as common.

-Pabit will occasionally repeat things, usually funny things he hears while giggling.

-Pabit’s hair is so stupidly thicc and curly that no stylist in town will deal with it.

-Boris has learned to cut hair, which comes in handy more often than you’d expect in a house of two very long-haired people.

-aka: Pabits hair grows so fucking fast, its ridiculous.

-His hair sticks together so much that it almost acts like one solid pillow-like mass. No hairtie can contain it. (If it’s tied back, it’s usually an actual string litterally tied around his hair)

-Pabits ears can emote, they don’t move much, but it’s noticeable. They wiggle when he gets really heccin happy.

-Pabit’s pupils alwas seem to be slitted, but at general shock (among other various things) his iris’ will slit aswell, leaving Pabit with a line in some massive sclara’s.

-Pabit has gotten very good at sewing thanks to his love of puppet making. This becomes very useful since he usually has to tailor his clothes slightly.

-In the habitat proper, Pabit is surprisingly popular with all the kids. Most notably Tim Tam and Trevor.

-He knew Trevor (And of Nat) before the habitat. He and Trevor are classmates while Nat is in the class behind them.

-Trevor didn’t really acknowledge Pabit’s existence until he bit a bully and seemed to break skin effortlessly??? hmmmmmmmm.

-Thus Trevor started theorizing, nothing in depth, but the kid was on his radar.

-Trevor was really surprised to find Pabit in the habitat, and even more surprised when Pabit told him Boris is his dad.

-The most these two ever talked before the habitat was a single “peer review” assignment, but in the habitat they start talking a lot more cause they’re the oldest kids, know eachother a bit, and both need to infodump like crazy.

-It takes a while for Trevor to get used to Pabits broken speech, but he eventually finds himself mimicing it occasionally. and Pabit will mimic him as well (adhd solidarity, boys)

-Pabit and Tim Tam can communicate non-verbally with no trouble at all. Thus this is used to wreak so much havoc on habititians since they’re both feral little goblins.

-It doesn’t help that Pabit has special access to “employees only” areas since he’s Boris’ son.

-Trevor and Pabit have gone on massive theory rants about random musicals while Nat’s in the room and she just watches these two in confused awe because of all the little details they’ll pull out to support these wild theories.

-Nat seriously has no idea how these two can just. keep. going. It’s been three hours at least let her have a snack!

-Pabit has allowed Trevor to ask so many weird questions about him because Pabit is also very curious about what exactly he is.

-Boris isn’t going to question why Trevor was poking at Pabit’s ribcage with a pen and just let boys be boys.

-Nat supplies Trevor with books on mythical beings she steals from Trencils room.

-Even with the three of them mostly working together, they cant figure out exactly what Pabit is.

-Until they’re all going over it in the boiler room one day. Where Wallus can hear them.

-YES ONCE AGAIN WALLUS IS NOT HUMAN! AGAIN, FIGHT ME.

-Did three children just lure out the frightened janitor cause they’re describing changelings and Wallus, a fae, knows about these kinda things? Yes. Yes they did.

-Wallus really never got a good look at Pabit before he took refuge in the wall, Pabit never got too involved in his work, or his talks with Boris. So Wallus isn’t too surprised that he missed it.

-It takes a bit of courage building from Wallus and Pabit litterally dragging him to Boris’ office before Wallus talks to Boris about how he aquired Pabit.

-Lots of details short: Wallus actually remembers when Pabit went missing which is pretty neat.

-Boris was almost worried he’d lose Pabit to his birth parents... Until Wallus says they didn’t really worry too much cause he was supposed to be put into someones life anyway. Was only mildly concerning since the fae couldn’t keep an eye on him.

-Pabit barely processes any of this information. Same with nearly all fae information Wallus tells him.

-Its not that he doesn’t like it or anything, he just doesn’t really care about the details. He got a name for what he is and why he acts like he does, and now he’s done. Mission complete.

[I wanna type more but my adhd is being MEAN so I’ll stop here for now. Feel free to send me asks about this au tho cause I love it]

EDIT:

-One last thing: Pabit loves the night. He adores the moon. He loves sitting on the roof past bedtime just to stare at the sky

[mikauzoran]

LuXY/Lukadrien/Lukadrienette: Welcome to La-La Land: Chapter Four

@luxyweek

Welcome to La-La Land: Chapter Four: Kwami “Swap”

“Dude. I can’t believe you’ve never had nacho cheese,” XY snorted, sounding personally insulted at this failure on Luka’s part.

Luka winced. “I’m sorry?”

“Don’t worry. I’m coming over there to fix this,” XY assured. “Where are you? The Liberty? Your place?”

“My apartment, but—”

“—No buts,” XY cut him off. “Six-Strings, this is an emergency. I’ll be right there.”

XY rang off, and all Luka could do was wait. He’d learned over the past two months of hanging out with Xavier-Yves Roth that once XY got an idea in his head, he was going to act upon it, and no one could stop him.

Luka got up off of his couch and went to change into something more flattering than the laundry he’d been lounging around the flat in.

 “What kind of cheese is this?” Luka frowned at the golden liquid drowning the tortilla chips.

XY shrugged and replied with a full mouth, “Velveeta, I think.”

Luka blinked, pulled out his phone, and opened up a Google search.

“…Velveeta is not a cheese,” he hissed a minute later once he’d read the Wikipedia article.

XY frowned. “Sure it is. America is known for this stuff. It’s even more popular than American cheese.”

Luka pinched the bridge of his nose, imagining how Plagg would shriek if he found out. “I have a friend who would be personally offended if he heard you call this cheese. Like, he’d go on the rant.”

XY waved away Luka’s protestations. “Try it already. It’s delicious.”

With a sigh, Luka picked up a chip laden with the cheese-adjacent substance and brought it to his lips. It definitely wasn’t as bad as he’d been expecting, but the suspect origin of the product kind of unsettled him. He preferred his food fresh and from an identifiable source. Maybe he’d been spoiled on getting his food from street markets and local cheese mongers and butchers, but this super-processed, plastic-looking not-cheese kind of weirded him out.

“It’s okay,” he allowed, taking another bite and trying to get over himself. “Thank you for sharing.”

“‘Okay’?” XY snorted indignantly. “Dude, this is a delicacy from my homeland. It’s more than just okay. Your taste buds are whack.”

Luka paused with another chip halfway to his mouth, and a glob of the “cheese” dribbled off the side, landing with a splat on the kitchen table. “Wait. Your homeland? But…you’re French.”

XY’s eyebrow shot straight up into his hairline. “Dude. I’m American.”

Luka blinked. “No, you’re not. Xavier-Yves, your name is French. You speak French. You’ve lived here your whole life.”

“Uh, noooo.” He sang the word on an upswing. “Six-Strings, what’s my dad’s name?”

Luka frowned. “…Bob Roth?”

It suddenly occurred to him that that wasn’t a typical French name.

“Right.” XY nodded. “My mom’s French, but my dad is American. He had to take French in high school, and when his class went on a trip to Paris, he fell in love with the place, so he was back and forth a lot after that. That’s how he met my mom.”

“Oh,” Luka remarked, suddenly feeling rather dumb for never having known this about a guy he’d been periodically making out with for two whole months.

“I was born in the Bronx and didn’t move to France until I was ten. Why do you think my French sounds so funky?” XY laughed at himself. “My mom spoke to me in French a little when I was a kid, but my parents divorced when I was really young, and she moved back to France, so I didn’t start learning French for real until I was ten. I know I speak it all the time now because I’ve pretty much lived here the past twenty years, but it’s not my first language. I didn’t learn it at home, so it’s not, you know, natural like it probably was for you.”

“Oh,” Luka repeated, seeing XY’s occasionally odd speech patterns in a new light.

Luka knew from his experiences learning Russian and English that no matter how good you got at a second or third language, it was never quite the same as speaking your mother tongue.

A thought occurred to Luka: “But…wasn’t it hard, transitioning from school in the US to school in France, if you didn’t speak French?”

XY gave a mirthless snort. “Hell yeah, it was. I had to go to special classes the first few years, and by the time I was ready to join the French school system, kids my age were way ahead of me, so I got put with a class of younger kids.”

Luka winced, trying to imagine how ostracizing that must have been to be dumped in a country where he didn’t speak the language, didn’t have any friends his age, didn’t have a supportive parent.

“I’m sorry. I bet that was awful,” he mumbled hollowly, not sure what else to say.

He felt bad for sometimes thinking that XY was kind of dumb. Luka had thought that maybe XY wasn’t inclined to academia and that his father hadn’t helped matters, but from the situation that XY described, it sounded like things had been stacked against him from the start. No wonder XY hadn’t thrived in that situation.

XY nodded, scooping up more yellow gloop onto a chip. “I hated it. I quit school as soon as I could when I was sixteen, and then I started focusing on my music for real—well…that wasn’t really until I was eighteen, after the incident with you, but…sixteen was when I started putting out tracks and made my debut and everything.”

“I don’t blame you for quitting,” Luka hummed, picking up a tortilla chip and tapping it against the plate to get some of the excess goo off. “I probably would have quit as soon as possible too…. Do you ever think about going back to the US?”

XY shrugged. “As much as I miss America, Paris is kind of my home now. I go back to visit every year, and I’ve toured there before for stretches, but I think I’m happy in Paris.”

He gave Luka a look that felt almost soft as he added, “My life is here.”

“Yeah,” Luka agreed. “I could visit other places, but I couldn’t stay away too long. My family is here…and all the people I care about.”

XY nodded. “…Speaking of your fam, they’ve never had nacho cheese either, have they?”

“Prune, I’m sorry to slight your cultural heritage, but you’re not feeding my family this stuff. Juleka will hate you,” Luka warned, trying to cut things off before it got to that point.

“Hate me more,” XY corrected. “Rose and your ma would probably get a kick out of it, though.”

Luka hummed as he picked up another chip and tapped off some of the cheese-impersonator. “Maman is part Scottish on her mother’s side, so she grew up eating gross things like sheep offal wrapped in stomach. She probably wouldn’t have a problem with this…uh…Velveeta…substance. Rose, however, being a Frenchwoman, might be offended that this product is masquerading as cheese.”

XY shrugged. “I’ll make nachos for Anarka to try, and the rest of us can have Taco Tuesday. Rose is a little carnivore. She’ll love it.”

“Taco Tuesday?” Luka repeated, tipping his head to the side.

“Yeah. It’s like a religious holiday in America for people who don’t have a religion. Every Tuesday we have Mexican food,” XY explained.

Luka frowned, mentally questioning the authenticity of the “Mexican” food but afraid to challenge XY again. “Everyone in the US does this?”

XY nodded. “It’s a big deal. They make t-shirts.”

Somehow Luka had missed this aspect of US culture.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” XY exclaimed suddenly. “After we clean up, remind me that I have a surprise for you.”

The surprise turned out to be leather pants.

XY hijacked Luka’s bathroom and came out wearing leather pants with a cyan, teal, and dark green pattern.

It was a pattern Luka knew well, and not only because he was romantically involved with the designer.

“They’re based on Viperion’s suit!” XY informed needlessly, doing a little turn to show off the backside.

XY had a magnificent backside, and the leather pants only flaunted this fact.

“You know. The snake hero?” XY pressed, and Luka realized that he was waiting for a response.

“Yeah. I remember him,” Luka assured, admiring the way the material clung to XY’s thighs.

It was an aesthetically pleasing sight.

“You really rock those, by the way,” Luka added, knowing the praise would be appreciated.

As expected, XY puffed out his chest and strutted with a little more confidence and attitude.

“Yeah, I do look pretty dope, don’t I?” He crowed.

“Very dope,” Luka affirmed, checking out XY’s calves.

In all honesty, Luka found that a person’s butt was the physical feature that most attracted him after he’d fallen for someone emotionally. Marinette did this butt wiggle that made Luka lose his mind, and Adrien in skinny jeans was akin to a religious experience.

XY definitely had a nice butt.

“That dude was always my favourite,” XY remarked, pulling Luka from his thoughts. “I always thought Viperion+ was super cool.”

“Y-You did?” Luka could feel his face starting to color.

“Mmhm.” XY turned again and started on another lap of Luka’s living room. “I was really excited when Jagged mentioned that his niece made these Viperion-inspired pants. I got a pair for you too.”

All the warm fuzzies immediately fled from Luka’s system.

Maybe XY would-n’t make him put them on now.

“I want to see you in them,” XY quickly squashed that hope, going over to his bag and pulling out a pair for Luka. “Go change,” he instructed, tossing the pants so that Luka had no choice but to catch them.

“Thanks,” Luka replied, attempting to sound excited. “That’s really thoughtful of you.”

Luka headed to the bathroom to change, hoping that XY wouldn’t recognize him just from the lower half.

“Niiiiiiice!” XY cheered, giving Luka a wolf whistle as he came back into the front room. “Give us a turn. I want to see that tush.”

“Oh my gosh,” Luka groaned, covering his face with his hands as he turned around as asked.

XY stiffened, staring dumbly at Luka’s butt. He bit out a guttural curse.

Luka dropped his hands and turned to look at XY in concern. “What? What happened?”

It took XY a minute to form coherent sentences. “Just… Could you…? Could you turn around again and walk away?”

Luka slowly turned and strode away from XY.

XY clapped a hand over his mouth and cursed again.

“What’s wrong?” Luka demanded, beginning to panic as he went over to XY on the couch.

XY’s face was so red that he looked like he was going to spring a nosebleed at any second.

He shook his head. “Just…I’ve spent a lot of time looking at pictures of Viperion’s butt.”

Luka’s hand paused en route to XY’s cheek. He blinked slowly.

XY gulped, keeping his hand clamped firmly over his mouth. “You can go ahead and deny it, if you want, but…you were Viperion, weren’t you?”

Luka opened his mouth but then closed it. “…I’m willing to bet that that’s the first time anyone’s ever had their secret identity outted by their behind. Obviously, you can’t tell anyone.”

XY cursed again. Internally, he was jumping up and down because the hero he’d had a massive crush on for the longest time was none other than his boyfriend. He was dating a superhero!!!

“Xavier-Yves,” Luka called, redirecting his attention. “I’m totally serious. You have to promise not to tell.”

XY nodded vehemently.

Luka sighed, sinking down on the couch next to XY and running a hand through his hair.

A thought occurred to XY: “It’s not weird that I’ve stared at pictures of your butt, is it?”

Luka contemplated this briefly but decided that he wasn’t one to judge, considering the amount of time he himself had spent ogling Adrien and Marinette.

He shrugged. “No. I mean, that would be kind of unfair of me, especially since I was just staring at your butt as you paraded around in those pants.”

XY burst out in a fit of giggles. “No way! Seriously?”

“Yep,” Luka came clean, admitting to his attraction. “You have a nice butt.”

XY squealed in delight, making Luka chuckle.

“…Can I…” XY bit his lip. He was feeling deliriously happy, and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin it, but… “Can I stay the night?”

Luka gave a slight start. He opened his mouth to reply, but XY cut him off.

“—Sorry! I know you don’t sleep with people you’re not in love with, and that’s fine. That’s not what I’m asking,” he rushed to explain. “I’m asking…do you maybe want to have movie night and then make out and snuggle?”

Luka took a deep breath and considered for all of five seconds before he nodded. “All right.”

It sounded like exactly the kind of evening that Luka wanted to have.

[cinnbar-bun]

RFA + V+ Saeran Acting As a Guardian to Teenage! MC

A/n: Have some headcanons to soothe the pain I just caused

Under the cut since it’s a long one! MC is about 16 in this one!

Also: might include some spoilers!!!

Yoosung

Finally, he wasn’t the youngest anymore! 

He was so excited to meet you and honestly he was all sunshine and rainbows as he talked about how you were like a little sibling to him

So gushing and doting, he’s more of an older sibling than a parental figure, but he still does it so well

Always brags to his guildmates he has the best sibling ever, and he will fight (and lose horribly) to anyone who tries to say otherwise

Very concerned over you since you’re so young and caught up in the RFA’s mishaps. 

So proud of anything you do, even getting out of bed makes him cheer for you

Always cooks for you, anything you want, he’ll make for you. 

He won’t admit it until he’s at his worst- when the depression and the grief from losing Rika really gets to him- but he looks up to you. He kinda gets jealous of how young and talented you are (even if you don’t think so), and wishes to become better so you have someone actually worthwhile to look up to (in his mind). 

He doesn’t seem to think that you like him, he still assumes he’s a bit of a nuisance and someone else could be better. You however, love him a lot and value his presence in your life. You don’t think you would’ve been as motivated without his help!

Sometimes he can get a bit irresponsible and you need to drag his butt to bed so he doesn’t game so much. 

Taking care of you has been a roller coaster for both of you, but he still feels a lot better since you’re here. He has cut down on his bad habits and has slowly grown from his past issues. 

If you talk about how you’re going on a date, he’ll cry. 

“Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! How are you going on dates before I am????” 

He’s supportive though, and makes sure your date actually cares for you. Probably the only one on this list you don’t have to worry about when saying you’re seeing someone

Zen

Okay so the first moment you met him on the messenger, you flipped out. 

“ZEN??? AS IN THE ZEN???? JDSFJNAJGNLSJN OH MY GOD CAN YOU STEP ON ME?????”

Jaehee also feels you but outwardly tells you to relax

He goes full on dad mode. He immediately checks himself and everyone else, anything above a ‘g’ rating and he’s flipping out. No more flirting, no more swearing, no more smoking, he’s gotta be a father figure somehow.

Once he cools down, he finds that his paternal instincts come naturally. He is very easy to talk to and is easily your biggest supporter. He wants you to feel confident in yourself and see that he’s got your back no matter what happens, something he didn’t have growing up. 

If you say you wanna act or join theater (especially if it’s because of him) he’ll just cry. He’ll sob about how his ‘child’ is the most precious thing in the world. 

He’s a straight up PTA dad afterwards, always going to your school when he can and checking up on you. 

All the mothers and teachers try to hit on him but he ignores them because his shining little star is there

He goes to all of your shows, all of your concerts, ANYTHING that involves potentially watching you do something, he is there in a second. 

After anything, whether you give a speech or a finished a performance, he’s there with a large bouquet of flowers. He’s so proud of you and he feels so enthusiastic about you. 

His narcissism drops about 200% because now he’s focused on you. His phone is full of pictures of you and your accomplishments, and after anything he makes sure to say it in the RFA messenger. 

He’s really easy to have a heart to heart with because you’re his precious little angel and he’s just as (if not more) emotional as you. 

HOWEVER!!! DO NOT!! I REPEAT!!! DO NOT MENTION DATING!!! THIS MAN WILL GO WALK UP TO WHOEVER YOU LIKE/DATING AND WILL GO INTO A FISTFIGHT WITH THEM. 

He screams when you mention guys- ‘MEN ARE WOLVES!! THEY ARE HORRIBLE!! THEY ARE DISGUSTING DO NOT EVER DATE!! YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO DATE UNTIL IM DEAD AND YOURE 80!!’

Jumin

So, let’s cut to the chase, you REEALLy liked the fact Jumin was rich. 

“Wow, so I DON’T have to starve everyday???” 

Jumin is...not the most emotional at first. He is just getting used to having to take care of you so it will be a while before he opens up. 

Jumin is great for when you want to rant or need to blow off steam. He doesn’t say anything and just listens to you. However, it’s horrible when you want emotional/physical comfort. 

He tries, he really does, but since he grew up so detached with his emotions he immediately thinks you’re dramatic. It isn’t until Jaehee (and perhaps Zen too) step in and say how he can’t keep brushing off your feelings 

So, he decides to try even harder and understand the enigma that is a teenage mind. 

It’s difficult as shit

After a while, he begins to learn all your cues and patterns, and understands what you want when you need it. He can read you like an open book now and knows when he should give you space or step in and comfort you. 

He’s actually really good at it 

He is always pampering you to the extreme. You watch tv and muse, “cool... there’s a new video game out.” and forget moments later, he immediately walks in with over a hundred games and pre-ordered, deluxe gold editions of them. 

He is the prime example of a father figure at this point, and all your friends get jealous.

He only gives you the best and will settle for nothing less. You are practically his own child at this point and like HELL is he gonna give you anything he discerns as not worthy. 

He likes taking you out for nice strolls after you beg ask for you two to hang out. You always get excited at seeing a simple cafe or mannequin with a cute outfit, and he wonders at how nice it must be to be so innocent

Plenty of outlets had contacted him about you, but he makes sure your privacy is secure. He doesn’t want anyone taking advantage of you or getting too personal

But they do manage to capture snippets of you two walking, and some misunderstandings have occurred due to it

“Jumin Han is dating a minor!” 

“Jumin Han has child after affair with mistress!” 

He gets fed up with the rumors and explains right away that you are NOT his lover, and you are NOT his actual child. He lies and says you were the child of a good friend of his, because explaining what actually happened would be weird

He is one of the worst when you say you’re dating someone. He will hound his security guards to watch EVERYTHING you to do, and he WILL have 707 do a background check on whoever you are going out with. 

“What are they doing?” “Uhhh...they’re eating.” “What about now?” “Still eating sir.” “Are his hands visible?” “Yes sir, he’s using them to eat a burger.” “B-burger? Where are they at?!” “McDonald’s sir...” “What kind of lousy date is this, why did (Y/n) accept this, does he think he’s good enough for my child with his peasant lifestyle???” “Sir...they’re 16????” 

All in all, he’s trying to be a good father figure and guardian that he never really had growing up. But he’s so prideful at seeing how much you mature, and even though he’s blunt sometimes, he hopes you understand he loves you a lot. 

He also tries dad jokes, but they’re so weird because obviously he rehearsed it and he says it so stoically that it makes it even funnies. 

Jaehee

Jaehee is a sweet woman, and she is like your best friend and mother rolled into one. 

She is so caring and considerate of your feelings, and is your number one supporter. 

She may seem kinda stand-offish, and kind of annoyed because she’s already incredibly busy now she has to take care of someone else and-

Whoops now she’s in the PTA and runs it like a damn boss. She is all over your studies and fights the faculty if she feels the school is not running in tip top shape. 

She gets exhausted a lot, as Jumin isn’t exactly the easiest boss to work for. 

It was kind of hard at first, sometimes she wouldn’t come home until way after midnight, and she’d see your body passed out on the couch with a note on the table about how you tried to make her dinner. 

Even though it wasn’t the best, knowing you tried so hard to stay up for her as well as cooking for her made the food taste even better than anything a five star restaurant could have made. 

So she tries to make it up to you in any way she can. She’ll pick you up your favorite movie or snack on her way home, or even little cute gifts that reminded her of you. 

She writes down any information she knows about you, and makes sure to write about your friends and teachers so she can keep up with you. 

She gushes about Zen a lot, and you were a fan too, so you both would binge watch his movies and clips of him. ANY piece of media involving Zen was devoured by you two. 

You two were constantly picking each other up and giving gifts, and when it was Jaehee’s birthday, you wrote her a letter about how much she meant to you and even got Zen to sign a poster for her! 

It was also the first time you called her ‘mom’, and even though the Zen poster is proudly hung up in her office, she can’t help but smile at how you called her that. 

She is a huge advocate of following your dreams. She does complain about how awful it is to work for Jumin sometimes, so she hopes to god you do something you love. 

You also convinced her to start her own cafe! You helped her as much as you could, and she was just...so ecstatic. 

Jaehee is easy to talk to, she is always prepared with good advice and comforting words. 

Probably the second easiest to talk to about dating. She is hesitant at first because one, you’re young and stupid, and two, she just doesn’t trust people. 

707/ Saeyoung

Okay, everyone in the RFA was hesitant to allow him to take care of you. They trusted him when it came to his work, but this was an actual human being. He could hardly take care of himself, how would he even take care of you???

Surprisingly, he’s an awesome guardian

A lot of them didn’t believe it at first and they were like ‘blink twice if he isn’t feeding you’ but you shrug and insist he’s great

He’s very nurturing and protective of you, and he sort of sees this as a second chance to make up for when he couldn’t help his brother. 

He’s really good in the fact that he’ll allow you your space to grow, but he will step in if you’re out of line or in trouble

Will NOT hesitate to ruin someone’s life if they dare hurt you. He’s got connections and the prowess and like hell is someone gonna make his child cry. 

Saeyoung is still as corny and crazy as he is in the chatroom, but in these instances with you, he means it a lot. He does anything he can to make you smile, even if it means he’d get hurt. 

He is a lot calmer though with you, and his parental instincts kick in a lot more. The RFA was shocked to see him actually change some of his poor quality of life skills as a means to be a better guardian to you. 

When he needs to go on a mission, he entrusts Jumin or Vanderwood to take care of you. 

He never tells you about those dangerous missions, he only says he’s going to be at a conference out of the country. 

He always makes sure to get you a souvenir or gift when he comes back from those trips. 

Joy rides in his cars!! He loves to take you to the beach or sightseeing whenever he can. 

He stills eats poorly, but it really makes him melt when you offer him some dinner you cooked for him. He started screaming and Yoosung (who was on the other end of the phone call) felt his ears bleed. 

He gets so excited for your cooking, like he stops his work just to take a bite of your grub. 

He hacks to get movies that weren’t even released to the public yet so you both could watch it on your downtime. He’s a hardcore softie though and you still have yet to see him shut up or not sob all over you as you two watch. 

“You’re getting snot on me!!!” “I’M sorry it’s just....oh my god how could this even happen??????” 

You accidentally called him ‘dad’ one time and he lost it. He was jumping for joy and hugging you in a death grip, screaming, “IM A FATHER!!!!!” 

Oh and he will definitely not pass up the opportunity to make some Star Wars references. 

You can’t hide anything from him. He tries to not be snoopy but holy shit you did not know just how far he’d go when it came to keeping tabs on you. 

By the time he was done he knew the name of your first grade crush, an incident where you kicked your own self, and how old you were when you got your first cavity. 

Likewise, he will already know if you’re crushing/dating someone. He’ll pretend he doesn’t know, but secretly do a background check. 

OKay so this definitely happened on your first date out with your crush, you two went out for milkshakes when your phone started sounding like Saeyoung’s voice. 

“HEY YOUNG MAN BOTH HANDS ON THE TABLE NOW!!!” 

You both started SCREAMING and had to be told to shut up by the staff because what the hell, your phone was talking! 

You screamed at him later on to mind his damn business

And god help whoever you were dating if they hurt you. 

This man will go ballistic and start hacking their things like a crazy psycho

“DONT WORRY, GOD SEVEN WILL FIX THIS!!!!” 

But seriously, this man adores you to the bottom of his heart. He’s made many mistakes in the past, but you will sure as hell not be another one of them. Anything you ask of him, he’ll gladly do!

V

V is a great guardian for those who don’t like pressure or stress. He’s so soothing and relaxing.

Hardly will ever raise his voice at you, and he practically never gets angry at you

He can’t see that well, but he seems to have a sixth sense that just makes him know where you are and when you are in danger. 

He likes taking you out to more scenic ventures, maybe even get you into photography as well!!

He has so many pictures of you, you are like his favorite subject

He even made an exhibit just based on you, and after that, he got a lot of calls about who you were. He made sure they know that you are basically his child

He feels incredibly guilty you had to go through this whole mess. He really wishes nothing bad would happen and you just didn’t have to get involved, but you always encourage him and say you don’t mind, you met him because of it!

He melts and cries a bit later on

If you call him ‘dad’ he gets so happy, like he finally feels like he actually did something right for once

But occasionally he doubts himself and can get kinda stand-offish in fear of how he might hurt you later on

He doesn’t make the same mistakes this time, and he makes sure you can get the help you need. He’s not gonna allow you to hurt yourself or others, and he won’t enable negative behaviors. 

He doesn’t talk about Rika to you. That was one of the worst moments in his life, and he thinks you’ll hate him because of it. 

You don’t- and he wonders what he did to deserve you

V is not an idiot. He may be partially blind but oh honey, he WILL know if you are dating someone. Don’t ask how, he does. 

He’s chill about it, but makes sure you understand what you are getting into. He’ll sit you down and start questioning you or your date’s intentions

It’s a side effect from his past with Rika, he doesn’t want you hurt, nor does he want you to hurt someone else. 

He makes you have clear and concise boundaries

He’ll let you do as you please, just please, for everything holy in this world, let him know where you are and be back before 10. 

If you get into a bad breakup he’s there to comfort you but also calls 707 to use his special skillset

I feel like V would use a lot of dad jokes. Like he doesn’t even know where it comes from and he’ll just say one, and 707 flips out.

Overall, just a calm dude who really loves you a lot. You’re allowed to grow and be your own person, but within some boundaries. He’ll stop at nothing to keep your smile. 

Unknown/ Saeran

Okay so... he feels weird. You’re a child. A damn child. 

He gets very conflicted because he gets flashbacks of how he was taken at a young age

He starts off as incredibly scary, staring you down to make you fear for your life, but you notice right away he’s become...softer

If anything, now he feels guilty. You were nice to him, even though he did all these things to you...

Saeran becomes a guard dog to you, watching over you like a hawk. 

As thanks, sometimes you would make him sweets

He loves them a lot, they’re now his favorite things

Pretty soon, a friendship begins to form, and then a feeling of guardianship over you. 

He’s noticeably a lot nicer and softer to you, he’ll be cussing out his brother in one moment but then if you ask him for something, he’ll stop and bend down to your level and answer you. 

Saeyoung finds this incredibly hilarious and nice

Saeran feels a lot better having you around. He feels a lot safer and happier, and knowing that you are safe and happy makes him even more excited. 

He likes gardens, so he takes you to them a lot, and he even decided to start one with you

On special days, or days when you are feeling down, he’ll get you a special bouquet of flowers with different meanings to cheer you up!

Baking is also a special hobby between you two. Sweets in general are where you two bond, so occasionally you two go out and try different sweet shops, cafes, or parlors. 

You two always rank your fave desserts and places

Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell him about/mention/ or even THINK of dating. He’ll probably beat the crap out of whoever you’re dating because, ‘they are not worth it’

Very strict and will throw hands with anyone checking you out- he’s like an angry dog 

Oh dear, if your date makes you sad or upset they will be dead. Saeran will take no shit if they made you frown, and they better start praying for their safety. 

You and Saeyoung have to hold him back before he murders your date

He still has his anxious moments where his past may catch up and he’ll freak out, but you are one of the few that can easily coax him out of it. He’d never hurt you at all

If you refer to him as ‘dad’ I think he might feel his heart flutter but also feel nervous...what if he becomes like his dad? What if he hurts you or can’t protect you? 

He’ll definitely teach you self-defense but Saeyoung will step in when he tries to teach you how to use a pistol because ‘SAERAN THEY’RE 16, DO NOT DO THAT!!!!’ 

He has his days when he’s more lax about you, but also has days when he’s breathing down your neck

It’ll take him a long time to be considered a ‘good’ guardian, please be patient, and gently let him know how he should improve. 

He’s not good at dealing with your emotions. All he knows how to do is punch whatever made you feel sad, but he quickly learns he can’t do that, and takes advice from all the RFA to help you. 

You can fight me but he probably has bought some guidebooks or pamphlets to try and learn to take care of you, and he’s LOST. 

“So to comfort them, I hug them...then ask how they’re feeling? Okay, but then it says they might want space? So how do I know? IT DOESN’T EVEN SAY WHEN! WHAT THE HELL? WHAT A WASTE OF MY DAMN MONEY!” He chucks it across the room before promptly picking it up and trying to read it again

He sees a lot of shows and tries to do stereotypical ‘family’ things, but quickly realizes that neither of you are enjoying it and he breathes a sigh of relief because holy hell that made him so uncomfortable. 

You both are pretty blunt with what you feel so you’re both on the same page, and try to work it accordingly. 

Okay on occasion he’s got you outfits that are similar to his so you both can match and he loves it so much

The most awkward dad jokes. EVER. You’ll be like, ‘hey I’m hungry’, and he’ll remember that he read on a parenting website that dad jokes make your connection stronger or something, so he’ll murmur, ‘hi hungry, I’m dad’. You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because he was in physical pain after saying that. 

You both got a lot to work on, but he tries. Really. And he’s so happy he met you, and he’ll make sure you grow up with a better childhood than he did. Nothing is too big or too small for him to do. 

[pinkrival]

anonymous said: Could you make a post about Peony and Petunia's backgrounds as well as how Bede recruited them and their relationship with him? Really like your blog btw!

               aww, thank you, anon!

               originally i was just going to link back to the post i originally made about them and then maybe expand on what i already wrote... but then i decided that was boring, so i did you one better!

-------

                ❝ it seems lady opal has picked a successor. ❞ nan mentions offhandedly over tea one day.      ( she isn’t really your nan, but in a town as small as ballonlea, everyone starts to feel like family eventually. )

               you arch a brow. opal had been looking for someone to pass down her title to for as long as you could remember. you would have been lying if you tried to say you didn’t spend much of your childhood dreaming about taking the role for yourself. nothing came of it, of course; you and your sister both dropped out of the gym challenge when kabu proved too difficult a roadblock to overcome, and that was the end of your professional battling career. still, you look to peony, trusting her to read the silent question in your eyes.

               she dabs at the corner of her mouth with a napkin and asks, ❝ what are they like? ❞

               nan ponders this for a moment, then says, ❝ he’s... interesting. ❞

               and that was the end of that.

-------

               even in a town as isolated as ballonlea, the champion cup is a big deal.

               the employees at the tiny general store had been gathered around the telly, mumbling to each other during the intermission before the finals.      ( they only dragged out the old television during this time of year, you knew. it was too distracting, otherwise. ) one cashier was begrudgingly handing money over to another — from his grumbling, you pieced together he had bet on the champion’s younger brother to come out victorious.

                ❝ — can’t tell me you aren’t miffed by all this, too! ❞ he was still ranting when you walked over to the counter and started unloading your groceries. impidimp nudges your leg and holds up a chocolate bar, eyes pleading. ❝ petunia! ❞ you look over at the sound of your name, snatching up the candy and placing it with the rest of your purchases.      ( impidimp cackles victoriously. ) ❝ who are you pulling for, huh? hop, right? hop should’ve been the favorite to win! ❞

               you glance at the screen, then back to him. you shrug. no preference.

               it only takes a few minutes to bag and pay for your groceries. the walk home isn’t a very long one — yet another good thing about living in a town as small as ballonlea. the streets are even more deserted than usual, with everyone likely at home and glued to the telly, waiting for the intermission to be over. it’s only you and peony this year. mum and dad are off in unova, busy working on their next big pokemon musical      ( they made you promise to record the finals ) and nan is at the stadium. had to take care of something, she said. you assume it has to do with lady opal and the new successor.

               you make it to the cottage      ( hopefully ) before the intermission ends. it takes a bit of finagling to get the door open with your hands full, but you manage. impidimp races inside, waving around his half-eaten chocolate bar like it’s a prize.

                ❝ PETUNIA! ❞ your sister shouts as you’re unloading the snack haul. you think maybe you cut it a bit closer than intended — but there’s something about the urgency in her voice that makes you suspect this has to do with more than the start of the finals.

               you peek into the living room, bag of crisps still in hand. it’s a mess — the floor is covered in a mismatched flood of blankets and pillows. impidimp bounces on a stolen couch cushion, kicking his little feet to and fro. there’s a bowl of what was once popcorn — now reduced to a pathetic handful of kernels — and an embarrassing number of empty soda cans, enough to stack into a pyramid shape. at the center of this chaos is your twin, wrapped in a cheri berry-patterned comforter. her hair is a mess and she hasn’t changed out of her pajamas. none of this strikes you as particularly unusual.

               then she points at the telly and you follow the movement with your eyes.

               the finals have started — or have they? you squint. there’s a boy on the screen you only vaguely recognize. his hair is a mop of pale curls and something about his eyes cuts right through you. it takes you a moment to notice what he’s wearing      ( is that a gym leader’s outfit? ) and then another moment to recognize ballonlea’s trademark pastels.      ( that’s our gym leader’s outfit. )

                you feel the bag slip right out of your hands. this must be lady opal’s successor. which means... lady opal’s successor just crashed the finals. oh. oh.

               somehow, you manage to find your voice just to say what peony is too kind to. ❝ he’s going to make us all look like idiots. ❞

               she bites her bottom lip, but doesn’t disagree.

-------

               despite giving up on your gym leader dreams, you and your sister still enjoy a good battle.

               you mostly dabble in doubles these days. perhaps that was the reason why neither of you managed to make it through the gym challenge — individually, your skills are nothing to write home about, but together you become an unstoppable combo. twin telepathy, peony often claims.       ( the same so-called telepathy that allows her to translate your thoughts into speech without ever asking you to voice them. ) if only the league challenge allowed you to participate in pairs; perhaps things would be different, then.

                ❝ aww. ❞ your opponent groans. ❝ bested again by foxglove’s fury. ❞ it’s a nickname the townspeople gave the two of you when you were children; your combined talent for double battles quickly became infamous. thus, foxglove’s fury. you didn’t care for it much, but peony thought it was simply adorable. you tolerated it for her sake.

                ❝ that was so much fun... ❞ she turns to you, clapping her hands in delight. ever since the finals, it felt like your passion for battling had returned with a vengeance.      ( though you were mostly just glad to see peony actually happy about something. ) you nod, mirroring her smile. impidimp tries to give swirlix a high five, only to forget he doesn’t have arms to reciprocate it with. he gets around this issue by sticking his hand on the other pokemon’s face... affectionately? nailed it.

                ❝ evidently the rumors were true. ❞ an unfamiliar voice reaches your ears. you turn around to look at the speaker, and freeze when you realize who it is.

               the gym leader. lady opal must have been teaching him well, if he had already mastered the art of appearing out of seemingly nowhere. it’s strange seeing him in person. he’s smaller than you expected, yet sharper. vibrant and ethereal in a way the screen couldn’t quite capture that did him proper justice.      ( those eyes are even more piercing up close. ) he tilts his head, regarding you and your sister with a calculating stare. unexpectedly, the gym leader raises his hands to clap. one, two, three times. a polite gesture  — yet something about it screams awkward and stilted and artificial. ❝ it seems you do have some measure of talent. ❞

               you look at peony. she looks at you, then back to him. ❝ um... ❞ her voice threatens to falter. ❝ s — sorry, but... did you need something? ❞

                he nods, then says, ❝ battle me. ❞

                what.

                ❝ what? ❞ peony voices your thought aloud, though she seems just as shocked as you are.

               the gym leader      ( what was his name again? beet... bede or something? ) seems unsympathetic. he takes a step closer, tilting his head. there’s something challenging in his violet stare — hungry for a fight. ❝ i said, battle me. ❞ blunt and to the point. ❝ i want to see how strong you are for myself. ❞

               you and your sister exchange another glance. you frown. she turns back. ❝ we... we aren’t really sure... ❞

                ❝ fine. ❞ you’re surprised he gives up so quickly, but then he holds out a great ball. ❝ in that case, i’ll only use one pokemon. is that acceptable? ❞

               you can feel peony’s eyes on you, searching for an answer. you glance at the great ball, then bede’s face. he looks determined. it’s actually a bit intimidating, how intense this kid seems. like he’s so ready to prove himself that he’s willing to go all in at a moment’s notice.      ( is he always like this? ) after a moment, you shrug.

                ❝ well... ❞ peony still hesitates a second longer. ❝ okay... ❞ she perks up. ❝ y — yeah! we’ll show you! just because you’re lady opal’s successor doesn’t mean you can get all cocky y’know! ❞

-------

               ... you lose.

               it doesn’t even seem to take much effort on bede’s part — his hatterene is simply a monster. you both throw your best strategies at him, and he easily dismantles them piece by piece. it’s more than a little humbling, to say the least.

               after the battle, he regards both of you coolly. ❝ not bad. ❞ bede says.      ( it sounds unnatural, like he isn’t used to giving compliments. ) ❝ although i can see substantial room for improvement. ❞ he looks at you for a moment longer, seemingly deep in thought. then he asks, ❝ how would you feel about becoming gym trainers? ❞

               eventually, you both agree.

-------

               as time goes by, you start to learn more and more about him.

               first, the basics — his name is bede. he’s fifteen years old.      ( fifteen! he’s practically still a baby. ) his birthday is on november eleventh. he’s left handed.

               he prefers tea to coffee, and tells everyone he drinks it plain.       ( the reality is usually an even mix of tea and copious amounts of honey. ) sometimes, when he thinks no one is looking, he’ll eat entire sugar cubes like candy. in spite of this, bede still claims to be indifferent towards sweets.

               he’s quite possibly the most stubborn person you’ve ever met. once he sets his mind to something, he won’t give up even when common sense dictates his goal a lost cause.

               he likes making bets and wagers — especially when he feels confident in his chances of victory. the gym leader claims not to cheat, yet petunia is utterly convinced she caught him sneaking extra pokeopoly money under the table during game night. you think cheating only counts as cheating when it comes to light, and stuff an extra wad of bills into your left sock to compensate. still, bede always ends up winning.

               he devours knowledge like his life depends on it. occasionally you find him lurking around the gym, tearing through textbooks drier than the sands of stow-on-side.

               he literally lives inside ballonlea stadium, out of what was once an old office or storage room. you discovered this when you opened the wrong door, only to be met with floral pattern sheets and a fluff of white hair you initially mistook for a very tiny wooloo. a sylevon sat curled upon the blanket pile. she blinked with curious eyes and purred loud enough for you to hear across the room. you wisely chose to shut the door.

               he dislikes reporters and being interviewed, but will tolerate it up until a point. once they try to pry a little deeper than bede would like, he immediately makes up an excuse to cut things off.

               he can literally eat the same exact food ad nauseam. you know this because you had to stop him from eating fruit yogurt and granola for breakfast for the sixth day in a row.      ( begged him, please just let me make you an omelette, until he finally relented. )

               fairy type pokemon all seem to adore him. he disappears into glimwood tangle for hours on end, and comes out with hatenna and impidimp following him like he’s the pied piper.

               he has no knowledge of any popular tv shows or movies that aren’t related to pokemon battling. as this is an unforgivable crime, you declare a weekly movie night absolutely mandatory. he rolls his eyes the first time he hears it, yet still continues to show up and steal all the popcorn.

               his moods tend to fluctuate. most days he’s confident and determined, if a bit aloof. then he slips into a sudden downward spiral and you can barely find him      ( physically and emotionally ) let alone hold a conversation. it’s worrying. you look at this kid — technically your boss — and see the shadows of so many demons looming over him, knowing you can’t fight those battles for him because he won’t let you.

               ❝ what do you think about him? ❞ you decide to ask petunia on a whim. she thinks about it for a moment, then looks at you and shrugs, the corner of her mouth pulling upwards in a half-smile. her eyes are soft, clear fondness held in those evergreen depths.

               you nod. ❝ yeah... i think so too. ❞

               he’s kind of like the weird, prickly little brother you never had.

-------

              ❝ ... bede? ❞ it’s his room, so you do the polite thing and stand in the doorway — not entering without a proper invitation.      ( even if he left it open. ) his back is mostly to you, crouched down in front of a drawer. you’re not sure what he’s doing — you’re not sure he’s doing anything, because he isn’t moving. it’s actually a bit eerie.

               you open your mouth to call him again, when a flash of gold catches your eye — no, a watch? your brow furrows at this, but before you have time to think about what it means, bede turns around and catches your eye. ❝ peony — ? ❞ he looks... terrible. face pale. eyes flat and exhausted in a way they have no right being — not on someone that young. you can’t recall ever seeing bede look so frail and uncertain before, and it’s a bit jarring. like seeing a meowth suddenly start chattering in perfect english.      ( you wonder what the watch means to him, if it has anything to do with this. it has to. )

               quickly, you find yourself pulled out of your musings when he repeats your name again. you shake your head, feeling color pooling in your cheeks. ❝ aha! s — sorry! sorry, um. i wanted to ask about your plans for the gym mission — ❞

               bede quickly puts the watch away — you can tell he tries to be sneaky about it, hoping you won’t notice. you pretend not to, if only for the sake of his pride.

               ... but as you go over the paperwork together, the gears are already turning in your head.

-------

                ❝ what... what is this — ? ❞ it’s almost funny how confused bede looks, standing there with a plate of cookies in his hands. he stares at them incredulously, as if he’s never seen oatmeal raisin in his entire life.      ( you hope he likes them. you’re pretty sure he likes them. )

               you swallow down your anxieties and reach out to ruffle his hair. ❝ cookies, silly! ❞ bede does the thing where he scrunches up his nose and squints at you — like he’s trying his absolute hardest to look displeased.      ( but really isn’t. ) ❝ i made them for you! ❞

               one would think the act of being given homemade cookies wouldn’t send one spiraling into emotional turmoil, but the array of expressions that flash across bede’s face indicate otherwise. his jaw works, and it takes him a moment to settle on a single word. ❝ ... why? ❞ why. like one tiny act of kindness is enough to throw his entire world into disarray. why. like it’s absolutely beyond his understanding.

               you smile at him gently. ❝ why not? ❞ he looks like he wants to protest, so you nudge him with an elbow. ❝ c’mon, bede! they —  they’re gonna get cold at this rate! try them already, i want to hear what you think. ❞

               he stares at you for a moment, then hesitantly selects one and takes a bite.

               his eyes light up. ❝ they’re... good. ❞ he sounds genuinely surprised. more than that, he sounds happy.

               mission accomplished, you think. ❝ i’m glad. ❞

[raendown]

@letliv3 You will take it and you will like it because this is your fault.

Pairing: MadaraKakashi Word count: 3745 Summary: In which Obito helped found the village, Madara was a member of Team Minato, and Kakashi gets lost down a few different paths in his life.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI in the blog header!

Building Our Own

Kakashi was pretty sure he didn’t like Madara. Pretty sure. There were times when it was really difficult to stay inside his shell and hate the world because watching Madara – barely taller than himself yet filled with enough attitude for the whole village – face off against the taller, brighter, unsuspecting Minato-sensei was always the highlight of his week. Knowing the two of them had so much in common did not mean Kakashi wanted to make friends with the other boy. He didn’t need friends to become the greatest ninja this world had ever seen and restore his family’s honor.

Anyway that Gai idiot followed him around too much already. His non-existent friend quota had been filled, thank you very much.

It was still kind of hard to ignore Madara. The boy refused to not be seen but he wasn’t obnoxious about it. There was just something magnetic about his competence even at such a young age, the confidence in every move he made, even the spiky stupid mess of his hair. Most of the Uchiha that Kakashi met had beautiful smooth hair but Madara seemed to have skipped that gene; his hair stuck straight out from his head in stiff spikes reminiscent of Kakashi’s own locks. Yet another thing they had in common and could have commiserated about together – if he had time for stupid things like friendship. Which he did not.

Much to their sensei’s despair, Madara didn’t seem all that upset that one of his teammates refused to bond with him. The majority of his concentration went to edging a few words about his precious baby brother in to every single conversation ever. None of them had ever met Izuna but after less than a month of being a team they all could have probably picked him out of a crowd and recited at least ten different points of trivia about him off the tops of their heads.

And that right there was the one thing that truly set them apart, the one bit that stopped Kakashi from allowing himself to at least like the boy, even if only from afar. Where Kakashi had lost everyone he ever loved Madara still had someone, even if it was just a useless little brother. He still had someone to care about, someone precious, and besides that he had a clan that treated him like absolute royalty. Apparently Madara was a direct descendant of the great Uchiha Obito, founder of their village and betrayer of the Shodaime Hokage. Kakashi didn’t really see why he got to be venerated for being related to a traitor when others were shunned for the same thing but the one time he had tried to question it Minato-sensei had hushed him and Kakashi felt his heart grow a little bit smaller.

So Kakashi stayed small and quiet and spent the hours he wasn’t training with his team training in private instead. He would grow bigger, stronger, and someday he would be the one to show Madara his back. He would be the one that others watched from afar.

He would restore the honor his father had lost. Only then would his life be worth something.

-

“Your father’s honor is not your own.”

Madara’s words left him reeling, adrift and unsteady where he had always felt solid logic underneath his feet. Kakashi waited for the world to stop spinning before baring his teeth behind the mask that hid them.

“What would you know about it?” he snarled. Madara scoffed.

“I’m descended from the biggest traitor this village has ever seen but does my clan care about that? No. They care that I inherited his strength. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘innocent until proven guilty’ before?”

“At least you have a clan! Don’t talk like you know me!”

“Of course I know you, dumb ass.” Everything Madara said was always said with confidence, as though it was an absolute immutable truth. It made refuting him very difficult sometimes because the way he spoke made Kakashi want to believe.

He resisted because clearly no one else should have a say in his situation not when they weren’t the ones living it.

“I will restore my father’s honor!” he began. He got no farther in to his rant before Madara rolled his eyes and interrupted.

“There’s nothing to restore, he’s dead. We build our own honor. And you have plenty of that even if you’re an asshole. Take the stick out of your ass and wake up. You’re Kakashi, not Sakumo. You can’t fix his mistake any more than I can. He didn’t even make one!”

“He – what?”

Kakashi sat, stunned, and listened to the entire fifteen minutes of Madara’s rant about how true dishonor was in abandoning your comrades and how the entire concept of their village itself had been founded on the desire to protect one’s comrades. Apparently the history books left out quite a bit of information about Uchiha Obito’s life before he abandoned Konoha; Kakashi never knew it was him that had named their fledgling settlement or him that had come up with the idea in the first place as a way to protect his own precious ones.

All through the boy’s impassioned speech he remained silent, soaking in every word like a message from on high, and when Madara finally stopped to pant angrily, kicking at a nearby tree stump, he cleared his throat with more awkwardness than should have fit in to his twelve year old body.

“We should find Rin,” he murmured. It was the best he could do for an apology. Madara narrowed his eyes, probably trying to determine whether or not he meant that, then nodded decisively.

“Good to see you got your head out of your ass. Damn right we go find her. No more of this ‘the mission is more important’ bullshit, alright?”

“Yeah…”

“So what are we waiting for? Aren’t you supposed to be mission leader? Lead on, jōnin-taichou!”

Amazed that his teammate still trusted him to do so when he had only just a few minutes ago suggested abandoning Rin to her fate, Kakashi nodded and closed his eyes to think. “My summons will be able to follow her trail more easily than we can.”

Kannabi Bridge went on to become the mission famous as a long-awaited turning point in the war, the incident that finally gave them a clear advantage to end things in Konoha’s favor. For the ones who carried it out, however, it was memorable for a different reason. The mission to Kannabi Bridge was the day they finally – finally – became a true unit, the day Madara brushed that chip off of Kakashi’s shoulder and offered the hand of friendship instead.

It also became the day Kakashi would look back on and realize he was completely and utterly screwed.

Of course he would fall in love with his best friend. Of fucking course.

-

ANBU suited him a little bit too well but that was fine. Everything was fine as long as he had Madara there with him, eagle mask covering his face and endless black hair spilling around it like a cloud of death. He wondered why they bothered with the masks sometimes. Both of them were entirely too identifiable by their hair alone so really all the masks did was add a bit of extra dramatic flair.

Shaking his head, Kakashi forced his attention back to the task at hand, pushing just a little more speed out of his tired legs. The two of them had run countless missions together since becoming true comrades, both in the name of Team Minato and as the perfectly matched pair they were now in ANBU, but never had they run a mission this important before. It was only the second time Rin had been captured and already it was starting to feel like a pattern. He wondered which idiot had been the one to decide this time that she was the weak link in their band of comrades. Rin was many things but she was not weak.

As evidenced by the carnage that came in to view when they finally found her. More than half of the bodies that lay dead around her were decorated with perfectly normal wounds, their flesh opened by blades and the extra clean sort of cut that could only come from her weaponized medical jutsu. The rest had been mauled as though by a hungry beast – and a beast she looked, right then.

Her pretty brown eyes glowing red and her entire body bubbling with a sickly green cloak of pure poisonous chakra, it was hard to tell whether or not she recognized them at first. A low growl rumbled across the space between them and the two young men shared a look before hastily removing their masks.

“It’s fine now,” Madara attempted a soothing voice. “They’re dead.”

“Don’t,” she warning when he tried to take a step towards her.

“It’s just me, it’s just Madara.”

“Shut up! I know who you are, dummy!” The growl in her words cracked and hiked to a whine that Kakashi recognized all too well. He’d raised eight dogs on his own; he knew what a wounded animal sounded like. “I can’t go back with you. Not like this.”

Unfortunately neither of them had been born with an ounce of tact. Kakashi snorted. “Can and will. Haven’t you heard the rumors, Rin-chan? We’ve had a beast living with us the whole time and I’ve never seen Kushina-nee bite anyone’s head off yet. Well, not literally. She’s scary but she’s not out for blood no matter what the monster trapped inside her wants. She can help you.”

It was a terrible thing to see in a friend, that broken light of hope too small to be believed in. Kakashi inched forward, saddened when she flinched away but determined to reach her, and when her bubbling chakra burned his skin he refused to show any sign of pain.

“Come home. If we can survive Madara for this long then we can survive you. He’s more of an animal than anyone.”

His friend’s offended screech broke the tension and Rin’s startled laugh was a balm on all their souls, just enough of a positive emotion to push the beast in her belly down. The effort left her exhausted but Kakashi caught her and Madara took point to protect them both as they turned for home, wearing a pout still but it was a very cute pout so Kakashi only teased him a little bit. It was good to be together.

-

“That’s a big fox.”

“Your observations are as astute as ever,” Madara’s voice drawled from behind his shoulder.

“We have to fight that big fox? He’s just a big scary dog. I don’t wanna hit a dog, Dara-chan!”

“Stop calling me that!”

Kakashi smiled briefly to see Madara stomp one foot. Fifteen years old and he still hadn’t grown out of the habit. Then he turned his eyes back to the carnage in front of them when Rin touched down at his other side.

“Isobu says that Kurama isn’t acting like himself,” she reported. “Something must be controlling him.”

“Right. Let’s found out who, shall we?” Kakashi narrowed his eyes, all traces of amusement gone from their little trio of death as they all pushed off the Hokage monument they had been perched on to make their assessment. Team Minato, as they still sometimes thought of themselves, were not the first line of defense in any fight. They were the ones who ended the fight.

When they found the man controlling the Kyuubi he was much older than they might have guessed – ancient, in fact. The fact that he could still move the way he did seemed to be due to the fact that one entire half of his body had been reconstructed with an unidentified white substance that reformed and reattached itself when injured, healing faster than they could hurt him. And that wasn’t even the part that made the fight difficult. No, that was the fully formed Sharingan in his one good eye, an abomination that enraged Madara.

It took all three of them to bring him down, one unit moving perfectly in sync. It took Isobu and Susano’o and eight dog summons. It took everything they had but in the end Uchiha Obito lay ancient and exposed at their feet, screaming his impotent rage and crying out revenge against a man who had never truly wronged him.

“Senju Hashirama is dead,” Kakashi muttered in exhaustion, kicking away a severed limb still trying to crawl back to its host. “You should be too. Hold still and let me fix that.”

“He abandoned me! He will pay! The world will pay! I will have what I am owed! The perfect world, don’t you see? We could all live in the perfect world!”

“Something tells me your perfect world would not be like mine.” With his blade raised Kakashi shook his head in pity. “The world owes you nothing. Those who go back on their word like he did are trash, that’s true. But those who abandon their comrades? People like you who break bonds, you’re nothing but scum. Goodnight, Uchiha Obito, I hope you find rest.”

“Poetic,” Madara noted, watching as Kakashi impassively drew a blade through their defeated enemy’s throat.

“Maa, I didn’t mean to be.”

Rin groaned and sat down on the bloody grass. Then she fell over backwards with a sigh of relief. “Well that wasn’t what I wanted to do with my Tuesday,” she said.

“Any chance one of you can sense how Minato-sensei is doing with the Kyuubi? I’m fresh out of chakra.” Very gently, slowly so as not to jostle his sore body, Kakashi lowered himself down to join Rin. Madara snorted at them both.

“Your reserves are pathetic,” he pointed out. “The Kyuubi’s chakra has been split but I can still feel Kushina-nee. It would seem sensei was able to seal the beast in to two places at once. Very interesting.”

Both of the two on the ground made soft noises of curious agreement but investigating would have to wait. Just knowing their precious ones were alive was enough for now. Everything else could be left until after they had recovered the feeling in all of their limbs, possibly until after they had slept for a week. They had gone head to head with a legend today, after all. That definitely deserved a nap.

Madara wandered over to perch next to Kakashi, brushing something out of his hair without seeming to realize he was doing so. As much as he didn’t seem to want to admit it he was just as tired as the other two. Kakashi held his breath and allowed gloved fingers to trace the shape of his jaw.

“You took a lot of stupid chances today,” his friend murmured. Kakashi nodded.

“So did you.”

“Hn. Dumb ass.” His piece spoken, Madara’s eyes rolled back in his head and his body gave in to the exhaustion he’d been trying not to show. Unfortunately when he passed out he flopped down across the other two, who both grunted in surprise and then wriggled in dismay to find themselves trapped, lacking the energy to roll the idiot off of them.

Rin was the first to give up, flopping back down to the grass with a sigh. “You know for a second there I thought he was going to lean down and kiss you.”

Then she laughed as best she could at the redness of Kakashi’s face and the disconnected syllables gurgling out from behind his mask.

-

Twenty years old was a terrible age all of his friends were at least one year older. Twenty years old meant that all of his friends could drink while they oversaw the chūnin exams here in Suna but all he could do was sip soda and watch. What was the point of such a high drinking age anyway? And who had ever heard of a shinobi being denied a drink? He’s been getting served back home since he reached jōnin at the age of twelve.

Actually that probably wasn’t a high point and Minato-sensei should probably make sure that practice wasn’t still being followed. But his point still stood!

Kakashi felt cheated when his decision to go out with his friends in the hopes of watching them all make fools of themselves ended with sitting in the corner of a dusty Suna club watching over the ladies’ purses while Madara snoozed next to him. He’d really been hoping Madara would get drunk and do something stupid. Or maybe that he would get absolutely blackout drunk and do something completely out of the blue like, say, decide to make out with the comrade who’d been silently in love with him for almost a decade now.

Life was so unfair.

Jerking his elbow in to the other man’s side at least got him the amusing reaction of bleary eyes jerking open and an angry expression. He muttered something too but it was impossible to hear of the thumping music so Kakashi shrugged and shook his head, completely unrepentant. Madara scowled deeper and leaned over to put his lips right next to Kakashi’s ear.

“I said, you’re a dick. I was trying to sleep until we can get the hell out of here.”

Kakashi pushed away the urge to shiver and shouted over the music. “So let’s get out of here.”

Rin and Anko both tried to wheedle them in to staying when Kakashi wound his way through the dance floor to give them back their purses but he skipped free of their reaching hands and hustled back to Madara’s side. Stumbling outside was heaven on his ears, stepping passed the barrier of excessive noise and in to the blessed silence of the desert at night. Both of them groaned with relief and rubbed at their aching heads as they hurried away, ignoring the judging eyes of the club’s bouncers, eager to get back to their hotel rooms and just relax. Neither of them were really the sort to enjoy this stuff anyway. A nice homey bar would have been more their style but it had been Rin who invited them out so it had been her choice of venue.

Madara’s steps were surprisingly steady for someone who had pounded back enough alcohol to fall asleep in that blaring chaos. He wove side to side a bit whenever something interesting caught his eye but for the most part he didn’t seem too dizzy and Kakashi felt cheated all over again that he wasn’t needed to heroically offer his shoulder as support.

“Where are we?” The sudden question made him furrow his brows.

“Uh…Suna?”

“No! I mean I don’t recognize this street.”

Stopping to look around, Kakashi bit his lip. “Huh. You’re right. I think we’re lost.”

“That’s fine. As long as I’m lost with you.” Madara shrugged and continued on while Kakashi’s feet stumbled to a halt, one hand pressed against his chest to sooth his suddenly racing heart.

He glared as best he could and hoped the darkness covered the blush on his face.

“You can’t just…say stuff like that.”

“Oh. Shit. You’re right.” Confusingly, Madara looked embarrassed as well to realize what he’d said, clapping a hand over his mouth and sending a guilty look out the corner of his eyes.

“Wait. I know I’m right but why do you think I’m right?” Kakashi asked.

“Cause I don’t want you to know that I like you!”

“Maa, of course you like me, we’re best friends…”

Now frustrated that he wasn’t being understood, Madara stomped his foot and turned to shake a finger under Kakashi’s nose. “No! I mean like like you! Love like you! Don’t misunderstand me! I swear sometimes you do it on purpose because you know it annoys me and–”

His friend continued to rant but most of it washed over Kakashi, who had of course heard this lecture a hundred times and more. Well, except for the part where Madara was apparently in love with him, that bit was new. And mind-blowing. Life-changing, really. It took a while to sink in that Madara didn’t seem to realize what he had just confessed, either because he was too drunk or because nothing else ever mattered when he’d found something to be irritated by.

Why Kakashi found that cute was a mystery.

He did finally shut up when Kakashi kissed him, though. Actually, to be fair, he did make a few aborted attempts at speaking before finally giving in and kissing back, one hand fisting in the front of Kakashi’s vest to keep him in place. When they slowly pulled apart he licked his lips and fell immediately back in to a scowl.

“The mask, you idiot,” was all he said. Kakashi scrambled to pull it down out of the way.

“You want–?”

Madara’s answer was another kiss. And it turned out he was right, it was definitely better with the mask out of the way.

Someday, when he had eventually recovered his scrambled wits and picked himself up from the puddle of goo he could feel his body melting in to, he would need to say thank you. Not for the kiss, although the kiss was good enough on its own to warrant starting a diary just to describe it and Kakashi very much hoped they could do this again. Preferably every day from now on. But eventually he would need to impress upon Madara how grateful he was to have the other man in his life, how important it was that Madara had never abandoned him even when he was a young child with a terrible weight on his shoulders that he should never have been carrying in the first place.

Eventually he would need to say that he owed everything he was as a person to Madara.

But not now. Right now he pressed forward slowly to bury his fingers in long thick hair and cling to the one person he had been striving for since long before he had ever acknowledged it.

My honor is my own, he thought as they stumbled against the front of a nearby shop, his thoughts going back to a moment between them half a lifetime ago. And I owe my honor to you, who showed me how to believe in it. How to believe in us.

[bigskydreaming]

AU where Dick and Jason realized early on that their differences were actually all due to the same problem, one they had in common: Bruce is an ass. And so instead of continually butting heads, they agreed to call a truce and not let Bruce’s continued status as an Ass come between them. Allied against the Ass.

And thus they actually had a good sibling relationship, with Jason going to Dick when Bruce’s Asininery grew to unbearable levels, because GOD could Dick relate, and no way would he betray his little bro by letting Bruce know where he is or let him see Jason before Jason was good and ready. Because if Dick had had a Dick-like buffer when HE was a teenager butting heads with Bruce in very similar ways, their own conflicts would likely never have grown to the point that they did in canon, and cause a split as deep and long-lasting as the one between Dick and Bruce in canon was.

And maybe when Jason was grown enough that it was time for him to step out of Bruce’s shadow and adopt his own new identity, make room for a new Robin, he and Dick become partners. 

Only Jason being Jason, flat out REFUSES to be the Flamebird to Dick’s Nightwing, the natural other half of that duo, because Flamebird is a terrible name Dick, fuck you, that’s why. It’s LAME. 

Except Dick being Dick, flat out REFUSES to be something other than Nightwing, because he already picked it and is established and he LIKES it and everyone who knows anything about that name (even if its just other heroes who know Clark or Kara well) knows that Nightwing’s partner is supposed to be Flamebird, anything else will be WRONG, god, Jason, you’re the English lit snob, WHY DO YOU HATE SYMBOLISM??

And so finally they settle on a compromise that works for both of them: they’ll BOTH be Nightwing and Flamebird. They’ll take turns, switch off roles. 

Dick’s pleased because a) he gets his way and he’s a shit like that and b) aww his little brother really DOES love him, he’s willing to be Flamebird even some of the time so they can be a proper team, because they’re family, they’re brothers, and that’s more important than pride to both Dick and Jason even if they’re both so obviously prideful that this isn’t always evident. 

And Jason’s less obviously but still equally pleased because a) he didn’t totally cave, he resisted the power of Dick’s unapologetic guilt trips which is no easy feat and really it’s just the principle of the matter, principles are very important to Jason except when they’re not, he’s a shit like that, and b) aww his big brother really DOES love him, its so obviously important to him that he invite Jason into this identity that matters so much to him as a symbol of his independence, him being his own man separate and apart from Bruce, its a family thing, a brother thing.

And then they’re both pleased for an entirely different reason, the reason being that they’re both little shits who fucking love mischief and chaos in counter to Bruce and Batman’s rigid order and control. Oh, the glee once they realize the havoc that their constant switching has on villains and criminals. 

Because see, its not that hard to tell that they do it. Jason’s much bigger and broader than his acrobat older brother by this point, they have entirely different manners of movement even though they know all the same fighting styles, all the same gymnastics tricks. Their differences in size and center of gravity and muscle mass make it impossible to do everything the same, even if the moves are identical. Not to mention Dick physically can’t NOT run his mouth incessantly, whereas Jason’s quite content to stick to some well-timed cursing and catchy threats as punctuation for his beat-downs.

So its common knowledge that sometimes Nightwing is Nightwing and Flamebird is Flamebird and sometimes Nightwing is Flamebird and Flamebird is Nightwing except really doesn’t that still mean Nightwing is Nightwing and Flamebird is Flamebird even when Flamebird is Nightwing and Nightwing is Flamebird?

You see where this might begin to become confusing for their foes and hard to keep track of.

Especially since the Brothers Batty have gotten GOOD at compensating for their obvious differences, they crouch wherever possible in order to mask the difference in heights, they use shadows to obscure muscles and proportions, and they know each other well enough to mimic each other’s patterns and type of speech and banter when its for a good enough reason, like say, fucking with their bad guys’ heads. Like the order of prioritization goes Pride -> The Principle of the Matter -> Standing Firm Against Bruce’s Asininery -> Brothers -> Mischief and Mayhem.

See, its not that they don’t have clear priorities, its that their priorities aren’t immediately obvious to normal people aka non raised by the Goddamn Batman, that Emotional Toddler That We Nevertheless Desperately Seek Approval From, Ugh, Why Are We Like This, Why is HE Like This, Oh Right, We’re Like This Because HE’S Like This, Ugh FUCK BATMAN.

Point being, its not always easy to tell them apart in combat, let alone distinguish which one you’re talking about. 

And sometimes after a long week of patrolling Dick and Jason just kick back at home and replay the audio from their stakeout and resulting beatdown of the latest cabal of supervillains to try and set up shop in Bludhaven, cackling with glee as they listen to their targets ranting about those two damn Birds breathing down their necks.

See apparently, the Boss is really mad about an op Nightwing busted up the other night and one of his suck-up subordinates was like ‘Ugh yeah, me too, Boss man, he totally ruined that meet I was trying to set up with a couple of Gotham Rogues for you’, and then someone else is like no you nitwit, not THAT Nightwing, the OTHER Nightwing, the big one, the first one! You’re talking about Flamebird! 

And then someone else would be like shut up you dumbass, the first Nightwing is the SMALLER one, the one always running his mouth, everyone knows that! The big one is Flamebird! Y’know. Except for when he’s Nightwing.

And then someone else is like, that doesn’t even make sense, why would the first Nightwing be the smaller one, he was FIRST, obviously he’s the older and bigger Nightwing and what are you talking about anyway, the smaller Nightwing isn’t the one always running his mouth, he’s the angry one who says the really fucked up shit that makes you wanna crap your pants cuz like I fucking kill people but that shit is DARK

And then the Boss is like “EVERYONE SHUT UP! Alright. Look. There’s an easy way to settle this: Are we all talking about the Nightwing that hits harder than he kicks or the Nightwing that kicks harder than he hits?”

Which is when someone’s like “Well Flamebird’s definitely the only who hits harder - “ and it all starts up all over again.

Meanwhile, at home, Jason and Dick are on their sides, trying not to bust stitches they’re both laughing so hard.

And don’t even start with the times people hire Deathstroke to kill Nightwing. Because first Slade has to clarify. He’s like: “WAIT. Which Nightwing? Cuz I’ll only kill one of them, the one that’s really - usually - UGH FUCKING HELL - Look I’ll kill one of them but the other one’s off limits. So it depends on which one you want killed.” 

“And they’re like, well which Nightwing is off limits?”

And Dick and Jason REALLY get a kick out of the audio of what THAT devolves into. (They’re in the rafters of the warehouse the meet is happening in the whole time. This is just too fucking good to bust up any sooner than they have to. Slade looks hilarious when he’s frustrated).

Meanwhile, back in the Batcave, a highly confused Bruce is listening to the same audio, Barbara having sent it to him in order to keep him from doing something dumb like storming off to Bludhaven the second he heard Deathstroke was in town and pissing off both his eldest two because CLEARLY, they do not need his help. 

Tim and Damian have no idea whether to sympathize with Bruce over their brothers’ refusal to take this situation as seriously as they obviously should be, or to just find it fucking hilarious. 

Cass and Duke aren’t hindered by the same need to be Team Bruce ever or by weird and arbitrary standards of professionalism, so they just find it fucking hilarious. Their older brothers are the best.

[danganheckimagines]

ndrv3 boys with a s/o that is always being criticized by their mom?

I’ve rewritten this imagine three times, so I hope this draft is to your liking! (Also I made it long again so under the cut it goes!)

~Mod Angie

V3 Boys with an s/o who’s constantly criticized by their mom!

Shuichi Saihara:

-You two lean on each other a lot since you both don’t think highly of yourselves.

-You have a nice little support system going on where you try to build each other up.

-Still, your mom always manages to reverse that progress with her criticism. 

-Shuichi’s taken notice.

-He’s worried about you.

-One day while you’re sitting together, he asks you about why your mood consistently seems to change from one day to the next.

-You get anxious and try to brush off his question.

-”Please, s/o, you can tell me. I’m not going to judge you, I promise.”

-He’s got that look in his eye that he gets when he’s interrogating people, but it’s much softer with you.

-You cave.

-You tell him how it’s no big deal, your mom just always seems to find something wrong with you.

-Shuichi lets you talk, nodding in understanding.

-He takes hold of your hand and tells you that all the things your mom tells you to bring you down are wrong.

-As time goes on, he makes sure you know that.

-He gives you plenty of compliments and soothes your nerves whenever your mother’s words start getting to you.

-He does a little bit of research to see if he can get you out of that situation.

-He wants to help you heal, and is going to try his hardest to make sure you do.

Rantaro Amami:

-Rantaro’s always been careful with you.

-He keeps his voice steady around you so you don’t get anxious, comforts you whenever you get anxious about making a mistake, and spoils you in general.

-He wants you to know how much he loves you.

-Yet all your mother’s criticisms keep repeating in your heard.

-You’re cuddling at his place one day when you tell him.

-”Rantaro?”

-”Hm?”

-”Do…do you really love me?”

-Of course he immediately begins to reassure you, listing off everything he loves about you in the process.

-He loves every single thing that your mother would rag on you for.

-You appreciate his words, but…

-”It’s just, my mom says that…”

-He holds you a little tighter as you explain everything that your mother would tell you.

-Once you’re done, he kisses your forehead and tells you that your mother was wrong about you, and how it was horrible that she would even think of saying those things to you.

-He tops it off with a really sappy speech about how much you mean to him.

-He pampers you more from there, and makes it his mission to teach you how to love yourself.

-He also wouldn’t back down from a chance to confront your mother about her behavior towards you.

-The thought of someone actively trying to bring you down disgusts him.

Kaito Momota:

-He tries to help you break out of your self-conscious shell!

-He’s already trying to teach you to have more confidence and that it’s okay to make mistakes.

-He’s always in your corner, cheering you on!

-He’s a little dense so he doesn’t notice the hints that someone is tearing you down for a while.

-So he finds out about your mother when a more obvious tell comes by.

-You ended up pushing yourself a little bit too hard during training.

-Kaito had to intervene and make you take a break.

-Now he’s concerned.

-It was nice that you were trying so hard but he doesn’t want you to go too far!

-While you’re catching your breath, he asks you where this sudden determination came from.

-You explain that your mother had insulted your weight and you wanted to live up to her standards.

-Kaito instantly gets upset.

-What kind of mother is she?!

-He asks you how she could say such a thing.

-You end up telling him all about how your mother always criticized you for anything that you’d do.

-Okay now he’s angry.

-He goes off on a rant about how terrible your mother is, but he calms down once he notices that he’s scaring you a little.

-He rests a hand on your shoulder and gives you an encouraging smile.

-”Your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about! You’re not doing a single thing wrong, s/o!”

-He pulls you to him for a big, warm hug.

-You thought he was supportive before? Now it’s cranked up to 11.

-He’s determined to give you all the positive reinforcement that you can’t get at home.

-He totally spoils you with affection even moreso!

-(Lowkey would fight your mom).

Kokichi Ouma:

-Y’know how Kaito was dense? Yeah the opposite of that.

-Kokichi picked up on all the signs right away and put the pieces together.

-He knows you’re having some issues with family, specifically your mom.

-For a while, he doesn’t bring it up.

-He just goes a little bit easier on you than he would others.

-He makes sure that all of his jabs at you are clearly jokes, and even then his teasing isn’t as harsh as it would be normally.

-Overall he’s…softer with you.

-Everyone assumes it’s because he’s your boyfriend, and while yes that’s partially true, he also doesn’t want to strike a nerve.

-(It took a bit of trial and error to find out what he shouldn’t mess with you about).

-One day, he notices you aren’t in a good mood.

-He tries to make you laugh, and you do, but he can tell that alone isn’t making you truly feel better.

-So instead he takes you outside.

-”What did your mom tell you now?”

-You freeze.

-”H-how did you know?”

-”You’re really bad at lying, s/o~! Now, what’d she say to you?”

-You’ve been found out, so you just go with it, telling him all about what your mom would tell you.

-Kokichi’s surprisingly mature about the whole thing.

-He holds your hands and looks you right in the eyes.

-He deconstructs all your mother’s criticisms flawlessly.

-Afterwards, he grins and latches onto you, nuzzling his face against your neck.

-”She’s more of a liar than I am!”

-He makes sure you know that you can come to him if your mother’s words start getting to you again, and he’ll chip away at them.

-Your relationship doesn’t change much since he’d already known this for a while now.

-However, now that he has confirmation, he’s going to try pulling a couple of strings.

-He doesn’t want anyone to get away with hurting you like this. Not anyone.

Korekiyo Shinguji:

-He’s noticed how you dive head-first into your studies.

-He thinks that’s great! He wants you to succeed, after all.

-However, he’s noticed other things that he thinks are…less great.

-Your anxieties, your extreme fear of failure or mistakes, your rock-bottom self-esteem…

-Something isn’t right.

-No matter how many times you try to say that you’re fine, he doesn’t quite believe you.

-He wants you to shine, yet your light is stifled.

-There has to be a reason.

-He figures out that it’s probably family problems, but he doesn’t get the specifics until you tell him.

-One evening before a test, Korekiyo studied with you.

-He was already prepared for the test, he was just going to help you study and also wanted to make sure that you got to bed at a reasonable time.

-You took to his advice, studying your hardest.

-However, any time he offered for you two to take a break, you declined.

-He didn’t mind at first, but he eventually started pushing for you to please just take a break already.

-Eventually you snapped at him.

-”Mom’s gonna go after me if I don’t get an A on this test!”

-So there was the family problem.

-He insists that that’s no reason to neglect your health like this, and reassures you that a five-minute break isn’t going to cost you an A.

-Finally, he convinces you to rest for a few moments.

-He takes this chance to ask you more about your mom.

-It turns out she expects you to be perfect in every way–not just grades–and puts you down when you aren’t.

-Korekiyo can’t help but feel a little disgusted.

-He rests his hand on your back and tells you that no one can be perfect, and that it’s your imperfections that make you wonderful.

-Your mother’s demands for you are too high, and he insists that you don’t push yourself so hard just to please her.

-If you really want to be perfect, you’re already perfect to him. Flaws that your mother hates and all.

-After that evening, he gives you more compliments, and generally makes sure that you know how much he cares about you.

-He also checks in with your mental state every now and again, wanting to make sure that your mother’s words don’t take root in your mind ever again.

Kiibo:

-He doesn’t notice that anything’s wrong at first.

-He just accepts all your little quirks as part of you and never questions it!

-He already gives you plenty of support since he wants you to be happy.

-His more logical reasoning is very good at soothing your nerves whenever you get anxious.

-However, he’s no miracle worker, and your mothers words still sink in anyway.

-Kiibo finally starts to notice this pattern of how you always get more self-conscious after leaving home.

-He consults the internet for answers.

-Oh? An overly-critical parent, maybe?

-He needs to touch base with you to be sure.

-So one day, he confronts you about this.

-”S/o, does your family criticize you often?”

-You tense up. Sure, you figured you’d have to answer a question like that eventually, but still…

-”I mean…my mom does sometimes, but it’s okay, really!”

-You end up saying how all your mom’s criticisms are your fault anyway since you’re the one “messing up” and “being a bad person.”

-Kiibo interrupts you by grabbing your shoulders.

-”No, s/o! That’s wrong! That’s not okay!”

-He expresses how he hates seeing you so miserable all the time all because of your own mother.

-He then asks you what things exactly your mother said to you.

-You list off some things, and he counters them all.

-”You’re not the bad person, s/o! Your mother is!”

-After this, he’ll check in on you often, making sure that you’re doing okay.

-He tries to give you more affection and compliments and just spoil you in general, though he’s a little awkward at it.

-He wants you to know that you’re wonderful and that he loves you, no matter what your mother says!

Gonta Gokuhara:

-He already spoils you rotten with more affection that you know what to do with.

-What kind of gentleman would he be if he let his own s/o feel sad?

-Besides, he loves you lots and wants you to smile and be happy more than anything in the world!

-If he even suspects that you’re feeling down, he’s gonna suddenly sweep you off your feet and shower you in compliments.

-Yeah he aint subtle at all.

-But still, you keep getting upset again.

-You also get really anxious whenever you make mistakes.

-He wants to know why!

-Is someone doing this to you?

-Who must he fight.

-He can’t figure out how to ask you, though.

-So for a while, things just continue like this.

-Finally, when you’re both bug-hunting in the forest, he just kinda blurts it out.

-”S/o, is someone hurting you?”

-You’re confused. Hurting you?

-He elaborates as best he can. He wants to know if someone is hurting you mentally.

-You tell him that it’s fine, but Gonta brings up how you keep getting so down and how you’re always so hard on yourself.

-You can’t lie to those eyes of his.

-You confess.

-You tell him about your mother.

-Gonta immediately bristles.

-”S/o’s own mother hurt s/o?!”

-You reassure him that it’s fine, and that you’re used to it, starting to get anxious.

-Gonta notices that he’s scaring you and calms down, immediately apologizing.

-He just can’t believe it! How could she say those things to you? It’s awful!

-He doesn’t even know how he can help you.

-You just say that as long as he’s by your side, you’ll be fine.

-So he stays by you as much as he can!

-He tries his hardest to reassure you that the things your mom tells you aren’t true whenever that topic comes up. He’s a little awkward about it, but he does his best.

-He shows you plenty of bugs too, saying how they aren’t perfect, but they’re still beautiful and he still loves them! 

-Just like how he loves you!

Ryoma Hoshi:

-He knows something’s off about your behavior, but he doesn’t question it.

-Everyone has their demons, including him and including you.

-Why should he intrude?

-So he doesn’t bother you about your anxiousness or low self-esteem or anything.

-Instead, he just reassures you when those things pop up.

-”You have to be a pretty wonderful person to want to be around someone like me.”

-However, he learns of your mom’s critical words eventually by complete accident.

-You’d ended up not getting as good of a grade as you’d like to have gotten on an essay, and you were freaking out about it.

-Ryoma ended up noticing and quickly rushed to your side.

-”S/o, s/o, look at me. Look at me. You’re alright. What’s wrong?”

-You blubber out your answer.

-”I didn’t get th-the grade I needed on this project! Mom’s gonna get me for this!”

-What.

-”S/o, what do you mean?”

-You explain how if you don’t get the highest possible grades, your mom berates you for your failings.

-Ryoma’s face hardens, but he doesn’t say anything.

-He keeps trying to comfort you to the best of his ability.

-After you’ve calmed down, he tells you that your mom’s opinion shouldn’t matter to you if that’s how she acts if you don’t meet her standards.

-”She’s setting you up to crash and burn, s/o. Do yourself a favor and don’t break your back for her sake.”

-He lets you know that if she starts getting on your case for anything else, he’s always going to be there for you.

-After that situation, Ryoma sticks by you more often.

-He’s not good at giving affection in the first place, but at the very least he holds your hand more often.

-He would confront your mom about her behavior towards you, but he doesn’t want to make a scene.

-Or make you feel like you needed to pick a side.

-He helps you to the best of his ability, at least making sure you don’t stress yourself out over her words anymore.

-He wants you to live for yourself, not live bound in your mother’s chains.

[ed-writes-fanfiction]

I’m so excited that this is being mentioned, I’ve always liked the way that Techno talked because he sounded like me, and my extended family. That was one of the reasons I was really drawn to his content, he sounded like people I was familiar with, and didn’t try to change the way he spoke. (This is going to be really long for not much of a payoff, feel free to ignore my rant).   

My great-grandparents had that specific way of speaking, and so does my grandpa. His kids never picked it up, and he would be told several times throughout the years how surprising it was that he had such smart kids. I did a whole interview with him, and here’s a quote from him one one such occasion. 

“The librarian was upset at the principal for sending the likes of me to help her, she huffed out the door but returned a few minutes later to give me a test. She gave me a basket of books with place markers, told me to return them to the shelves and she would check my work. I did, she did and I passed 100%. She then stated oh I guess you might be smart, your kids are.”   

When he moved, the people would look down on how he talked specifically, (which I find funny, because they were all just small town farmers, like they have any high ground). I never knew it was a concern, until I did some family history interviews and learned all of this. He said this about his mom, “we had that thick Southern Utah Accent, they called us Utah Okies, at first it bugged her then she just started using the accent full speed, and would laugh at them for being too high and mighty. She became proud of her accent.”

Also, its super interesting to how speech patterns change situationally. When my grandparents come by, I speak like them more than usual, and it wears off after a week or so. When my dad speaks to the old timers or farmers of the area, he drops into his dad’s way of speaking. If I’m stressed or tired, I’ll rarely ever add the endings to my words. Sometimes when this happens I’ll consciously elevate my diction, especially if I’m at work or talking to an authority figure. Most of the time it’ll be subconscious. I’ll be halfway through a sentence talking to my sister, and wonder why I’m adding hard endings to all of my words, when I really don’t need to. 

Anyway, how this all relates (because while I find linguistics fascinating, no one wants to hear about my family’s weird regional accent). I’ve thought about this extensively- the interview with my grandpa actually making me stop and consider the way that I talk, and the way that others talk, Techno being one of them. 

So, I mentioned how for me, (and I’m sure for others), my speaking and diction becomes more informal in casual situations. I’m going to speak differently at school than I would talking to myself or to a close friend. Which made me wonder- could the way that Techno speaks in his videos be tied into the fact that it’s informal? (By which I mean there is no real authority figures, and half the time its him rambling to himself for us to hear at a later date). I have no idea how he would speak if he was someplace like school or in a formal situation, so I could be completely off the mark, but it’s something to think about. 

As someone who writes fan fiction, and in general, I don’t write accents unless it’s absolutely necessary (like a joke needs to land due to a certain pronunciation), mostly because it would be far too difficult. Like, nearly everyone in the DSMP has some type of accent- and out of all of them, Techno’s in the least present in my mind (I mean, I talk like that, compared to the fact that I’ve never even met someone who was British). If I’m writing some dialogue from him, in my mind, the word endings are being dropped off and his typical speech patterns are happening, but my brain just auto fills in the writing. Heck, even the quotes I wrote down from my grandpa are grammatically correct, even though when I read it I know it sounded different when he said it. 

As a side tangent, I never fully understood the whole monotone thing. To me, at least, monotone means a lack of inflection, which is something that really can’t be said about Techno. I would probably use even-toned, or possibly flat-toned over monotone. they just bring up different connotations for me. The Google Translate voice is monotone. 

Anyway, that was really long and mostly for me as a linguistic nerd, so feel free to ignore it. 

Oh PLEASE go on with Techno and accents and portrayal?

LMAO this came in within SECONDS congrats.

I don't really have a ton of citations for you. I think this shifted a lot as the dream-team-centric part of the fandom incorporated and learned about Techno as a person and not just Dream's rival, and if I'm being honest I don't have Thoughts so much as I remember having Thoughts in like mid-2021. General attitudes towards Techno shifted wildly from his “monotone,” “emotionless” reputation in early 2021, and the things I remember thinking about kinda stopped applying. I don’t remember what posts bothered me or why I wanted to bring it up.

But. People talk a lot about Techno's speech patterns, and it's true that in an industry that encourages getting as close to newscaster-neutral as possible, his voice can stand out a bit.

In early days when Dream and Techno were very much set up as rivals and people were trying to justify who would/wouldn't win in certain scenarios, it was actually pretty common to claim that Dream has more mechanical and tactical knowledge than Techno. Techno was cast as the brute-force fighter in these essays - comparatively unknowledgable but mechanically gifted. This is a really bad analysis - Techno’s knowledge of the things he cared about was encyclopedic, and his and Dream’s strengths are a lot more similar than they are different.

Where this intersects with voice is that in a US speaker’s perception, Dream has a pretty standard urban American accent, and Techno, as has been noted by fanfic writers everywhere, does not.

The most notable aspect that gets commented on is "g-dropping," the change of the "-ing" sound to "-in." People who don't do anything else to indicate peoples' speech patterns in writing will make sure they write down that Techno's sayin' something, not just saying it.

(This is called an "eye dialect," the use of a nonstandard spelling to emphasize a pronunciation.)

But that's far from the only thing that marks out Techno's accent. If you've watched his introductions to people (i.e. SMPEarth), you might notice that it's not uncommon for people to assume he's from the South, especially Texas, and to be surprised he's from California. The most commonly-known "California accents" are all very urban- and middle-class-centric, while features of Techno's accent (he can sometimes sort of "break" dipthongs and slur or drop syllables, and most especially the g-dropping) are more associated with rural accents in the US, and especially the rural South. And I don’t think that’s entirely dissociated from the way that so many people were so quick to assume, all evidence to the contrary, that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Obviously we don't know a whole lot about Techno's background, so I have no particular thoughts on how he ended up with the accent he did (though it sounds to me like it shares some features with the poorly-described "inland rural California English"). The only thing I can say is how it's perceived, which is as containing a lot of features that US speakers are going to mark as rural and working-class.

(A really fascinating part of this is his seeming inability to really code-switch at all; his Sir Billiam voice contains just as much g-dropping as his normal speech, whereas most people attempting to sound like a rich person would focus on speaking "correctly" and get all those nasals in the right spots. My own g-dropping is markedly more noticeable when I’m with my family than when I’m [location redacted]. But this is more sidetracking linguistics than... ok ok uh back to the point.)

Well... I guess like I said I don’t have much of a point any more, and I probably should have written this post a year back when I did. I certainly don’t have anything quite as obvious and pointed as Xeph’s discussion of how stereotypes about Northern England get applied to certain people (esp. Philza, Jack).

I just have, like, people talk a lot about Techno’s voice, and other blogs brought up a lot of really good points about how perceptions of his speech likely intersect with his ADHD and how neurodivergence can effect speaking patterns (speaking of which, a lot of neurodivergent people can struggle with code-switching! hmm). But I think an aspect that got missed sometimes is the way that those perceptions can also overlap with accent.

And also sometimes I see people pointing out Techno’s speech in a way they don’t for any of the other Dream SMP members. If there's one feature that you consider notable enough to mark while keeping everything else textbook, I think it's worth taking a minute to ask yourself why the feature stands out, and what connotations highlighting it might have. It’s not always a bad thing to do so! It’s just worth taking a second look.

[fantasyrat]

So... doing this again? Eh, Why not?

So, yesterday I came on Tumblr in the hopes of finding some art to help build a fan forum (currently obsessing over the ADoriBull ship and well as Love Nikki Dress Up Queen) I’m working on when I notice two replies to an old reply I did last year. Well, I tend to feel obliged to thank them and thought little else of it. Then the I noticed in my feed that OP, winterywitch, decided to throw a tantrum when it’s been weeks... months even since our exchange. So it left me a bit bewildered. So, being my curious self, I looked into it and decided to respond and maybe even do a bit of a mental analysis. First thing I saw was this.

Oooh my... The lack of self-awareness is strong here. So, I go a bit further and wouldn’t you know it, this apparently got them in such a tizzy she had to rant about it.... but not actually reply to what was said even though she writes as if they’re arguing with someone else. Curious... For a bit of convenience sake, I took the liberty of taking a screenshot, highlighting and numbering certain bits of her rant. Not all. The rest I will address in quotes.

So, to start, we’ll so by the numbers.

(1) - If you took the time to look at my original response I never claimed to be an anti-sjw. I was simply pointing out the issues with the community and the blatant hypocrisy the willfully chose to ignore. And this image you have of me frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog is just silly plain silly as one can see by my original response. I can admit it was a while ago and I have learned more about choosing my words more carefully. Be that as it may, this image you have in your head of me being some primal beast with no thought save destroy the enemy is completely ludicrous. 

(2) - So, you are admitting you are a troll then? If that’s so, why do immediately contradict yourself with number 3?

(3) - And that is your opinion if that’s what you truly believe. However, terminology is not evidence of one's mindset, principles, and beliefs. There are people whom I have personally known who are wise, kind and intelligent individuals but they have difficulty in eloquence. And now I ask for evidence. Where are the anti-sjw trying to pass laws to silence those like yourself? If you’re speaking purely of people on the internet mocking you then, I’m sorry, but they have the right to do so and you have a right not to listen and to choose to be happy despite what others say.Meanwhile, Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn go to the UN on this matter claiming that random comment like ‘You're a liar’ ‘You suck’ and harassment and the basis for censorship. And if a bill got passed for such things, the line would be blurred. And that can lead to serious issues. That’s why people are pushing back because they know once that line is drawn than the 1st amendment is doomed.Now, being fair, you’ve probably not been hearing this from more reasonable sources who have the same knee-jerk reaction that you’ve shown time and time again to have. However, I highly recommend getting out of Tumblr or Twitter. It’s not a reliable source of information. Try opening your mind a bit and go a bit of research on the history of the first amendment.If not for the 1st, Thomas Paine would never have been able to write The Age of Reason or Frederick Douglass The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave. These are only two of many books that helped shape the nation and it’s thanks to the 1st Amendment.So when we see people complaining about the use of some word and trying to ban it, people rally around to nip it in the bud before the problem gets worse. I personally don’t care what you say, you have the freedom to say it and I would defend your freedom though I disagree. But when people are actively trying to turn those opinion into law, it needs to be stopped before it gets worse.

(4) - Minor note; using a cliche allegory doesn’t help your argument. I’d highly recommend avoiding it in the future. This is not malicious. This is simply advice from one human being to another.Now, to the quotes because... oh boy...

even now, you're interpreting me picking apart your sources as some kind of horrific oppression and as sjw buzzword-filled rants, but that's because you don't see "sjws" as people, you see them as an object to use in some epic pwn fantasy to get attention online

*sigh* What you’re saying, what you’re feeling right now is called projection. It’s not I seeing you as inhuman, but you see me as an inhuman monster. Therefore, since in your mind I’m not human, I’ve fair game for you to be wicked, cruel and vile to by hurling insults because let’s face it. It’s easier not to see the humanity of another person behind a computer monitor. Try taking a deep breath and reread your rant. All you’ve done is exactly what you accuse me of. Assume I’m doing this for internet fame... How would that even work exactly? I’ve no interest in it. also it's been two entire real-life years, you need to grow up and let go of this online oppression fantasy. Let me repeat what I said earlier: ‘So, yesterday I came on Tumblr in the hopes of finding some art to help build a fan forum (currently obsessing over the ADoriBull ship and well as Love Nikki Dress Up Queen) I’m working on when I notice two replies to an old reply I did last year. Well, I tend to feel obliged to thank them and thought little else of it.’ I don’t have many posts on my Tumblr, so when I return, I see old ones and sometimes they have new developments. I responded to them, not you. If anyone needs to grow up it’s you. You were barely a footnote in my mind when I responded. And then that was it. But then you replied to my reply to them. Seems like you’re the obsessed one here. Now, I won’t bother to quote the entirety as it’s simply inane jibberish with horrid grammar and punctuation only a toddler would spout in a hissy fit and that is far beneath me, and anyone wants to read it, it’s there above. However, I will point to one thing.

someone used their free speech to criticize your flawed argument Funny that... that you didn’t reply to another who I thanked for their generosity.

You see, I’m normally a very reasonable lady. But it’s hard to be reasonable when someone is so unreasonable. You promote critical thinking, but don’t dare apply it to yourself. So, I’m doing you a favor. After looking at the things you’ve written and said, and if your age on your page is correct, you may want to seek some help. If you have already, get a second opinion. I’m not an expert by any means, but I have noticed some patterns that could possibly be symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder Here’s a link to more information: https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/histrionic-personality-disorder Now I’m not saying you have this, but as one human being to another, I’d advise you to look into it.

[kuragecharms]

One(1) whole ramble about being INTJ

It’s weird to watch videos about INTJs from the perspectives of other types, in all honesty. Sometimes it feels as if there is a whole lot of very shallow stereotyping going on, other times it hits the nail right on the head and I’m laughing. 

Of course, MBTI is not a personality quiz, it’s a thought type indicator. But there ARE some common shared experiences. So I guess it’s nice sometimes to realize that others have the same struggles as yourself. I’m gonna talk a bit about some common categories and labels placed on INTJs, and kind of...rant about my experiences with (or without) them. :>

The INTJ “death glare”

One thing that almost always gets thrown in on some sort of comment is the “infamous INTJ death stare.” I realized this about myself over a decade before I even heard the term MBTI breathed aloud, in all honesty it was a big stumbling block.

My natural instinct is direct eye contact. I don’t naturally show a lot of emotion on my face, etc. It’s a learned behavior because honestly, it’s more efficient to fit into some social status quos in order to be understood better, right? Saying it that directly can sound cold or calculating to some people, but it’s the truth, as far as I’m concerned. The whole “just be yourself!” thing works.... IF you are naturally charismatic or have a grasp on socialization tactics. Or if you are surrounded by people who can more naturally understand you. But for a rare type, for a highly introverted, independent, often over-opinionated blunt speaking female? The truth of the matter is, no matter who I’m dealing with, there’s some level of adjustment going on. I think that’s why i was drawn to languages from a young age. The prospect of conveying complex thought in another venue entirely was appealing to me. Being understood is a goal. I picked out patterns of speech from the internet, from books, from those around me, and would apply them (often quite consciously) in order to get my points across. In debate forums, I was often praised mostly for my ability to convey what others had been thinking, but in a clear to understand format. That was because it was my whole goal.

I remember being really young, like...less than ten? I think I was about 6-7 years old. When my parents would rebuke me for something I’d done, I would sometimes cry. That’s not a necessarily strong stereotype for INTJs, but it does happen. I felt things really deeply, and never knew how to grapple with them when a strong emotion interrupted my play, so that’s the best I can describe it as. Eventually, I got told to stop crying so much, so I would steel myself for such rebukes. Now, my natural instinct is to meet someone’s eyes. I know this, even though sometimes I doubt it because of the strength of my learned behavior. But I distinctly remember BOTH of my parents pausing in the middle of getting after me to say, “Why are you looking at me like that?!” and I would ask, “Like what?” They usually didn’t have a very good description of what the look was, but the gist of it was, I suppose, that it looked like I was judging them. I don’t know why this bothered them so much, because at the time I wasn’t usually striving to be petulant (although on occasion the look came about when I was thinking about the unfairness of my punishment). My mother (INFJ) was particularly bothered by it, especially because she was the more involved parent. Sometimes, it really seemed to throw her off, to the point that we got off the topic of the immediate punishment, and I was told to watch my attitude on things. Which, in retrospect, is fair. You don’t want an egotistical child. But I was confused because I didn’t see it that way. The world was always one to question, and my mother raised me with that philosophy, but there was a limit to it that I hadn’t felt out quite yet.

I did understand, though, that my expression was discomfiting to some. It happened with more frequency, often with my siblings. My younger INFP sibling would sometimes cry when I would look at her with any strength of feeling, and say that I was glaring or judging. Very rarely was this intentional, I promise.

When I reached high school, I would sometimes examine my own expression in the mirror or in photos. I don’t think mine is a very harsh face in general, so the accusations were confusing. But I decided I needed to adjust. It was easier, not only to avoid the ‘glare’ of judgement, but also to control my own emotions, if I didn’t make too much eye contact. I started to deliberately look away from people’s faces after a few seconds, because I wanted them to know I was listening, but also that I wasn’t focusing in too harshly in order to judge them personally. It seems to work, so it’s something I’ve kept with.

But lately, I’ve been wanting to focus on being truer to myself, and get back to the roots of my own natural self, and re-establish myself with the added information I’ve learned over the years. I want to make eye contact, even if it seems intense. My natural instinct is part of who I am. If I’m truly engaged by a topic, my learned behaviors weaken, and I realize I make much eye contact. I lean in and I pay 100% attention to the conversation at hand. The majority of the time, I don’t make eye contact at all, both because of my investment in the topic but also my gauging of how much eye contact I can make with the other party without infringing on their comfort level. I want to care about this less. I’m well aware I can be too intense of a personality for some, so I can withhold or gauge myself in most instances. But with this, I think I should be allowed a little more natural habit.

The Know-It-All/”Too Smart”

In uni, I wasn’t AFRAID to answer questions, but I rarely did after the first semester. I was just being myself and came across as a know-it-all or pompous, because I was nervous and focused on the class material, which some people weren’t (admittedly, it was gen eds, so it isn’t a commonly attractive set of courses anyways). I started setting goals before each class, like, “You should only answer three questions at most for this class.” and such like that. It wasn’t really to make others like me, as I already had established that reputation and I didn’t make moves to change it. But it was because I had to adjust, to improve, to better blend in.

When I DID answer questions, half the time it was to help other classmates. I’d look around and realize others weren’t getting what the professor was saying, so I’d raise my hand and state something like, “When you say X...do you mean that Y?” and I would elaborate Y as a more relatable, easier to digest phrasing or simile. The professor would often be a bit confused, but I’ve literally heard classmates around me go, “Ohhhhhh” with realization. Things went a bit smoother after that. I was seen as studious, but less pompous.

I’ve never thought of intelligence or logic being partial to female or male, or emotions being preferred by female or male, until I interacted and socialized more. Naturally, my instinct is to not distinguish. I grew up homeschooled, in a family where the boys and girls boy cooked and cleaned and cried, and we were ALL avid readers. My natural tendency to debate was often rebutted by my older brother, and I saw us on equal ground.

In middle school, I saw the huge difference in the way my father treated my brother and I (we’re both INTJs) and how hard this was on him. He was told not to have emotions, and for an INTJ? We already struggle enough with this. Being told not to cry at much, after all, instigated a huge self-study in my own expression and aura. 

Looking back, I was pretty naive about it. I wanted to prove myself as strong as my father and brother. I did this physically (my relatives know me to be the girl who pushes in to help move furniture. It’s caused some pretty sexist debates, in all honesty) emotionally and psychologically. I wanted to prove that there was no difference between my brother and I, and I tried very, very hard.

I’ve since come to terms with the fact that the difference in treatment had more to do with my father’s underlying sexism and not much to do with my own competency, or my brother’s. I’ve accepted my own strengths and still see us as equals, and I have nothing to prove to anyone else in regards to that. Rather than proving anyone wrong about me, I do it because it’s efficient and positive to take care of things on my own and for the sake of my own independence.

I’ve been told, however, that I’m “too smart” for a girl. I’ve been literally told that I’ll scare men off with my words. I’m normally quiet, in person. But when broaching a topic of some knowledge or interest, I will instantly just explode with thoughts or theories, discussion and debates. I’ve exchanged 2-3 messages with a person before going off on a multi-paragraph rant (via text) about MBTI and its common misconceptions.I’m just like that. I don’t see it as showing off my intelligence but an opportunity to engage with others in a mutually educational environment.

Again, I see myself as not having anything to prove. I’m no astrophysicist. I suck at math. I’m good at English. I like talking about things I’m interested in, but I know when I’m not an expert or have insufficient knowledge. But it can be very disheartening to know that just being my natural self and actually being engaged without holding back constantly is seen as an attack on someone else’s ego, or that I’m scaring people off. I want to engage with ideas and such. If everyone is intimidated by me, with my speech and my eye contact, then those opportunities are lost. 

I know what I know, so I feel confident. But I also know how much I do NOT know, so I feel humbled and eager to learn. I don’t see that as a character flaw, although many would paint it as cockiness.

INTJ’s organization/strictness

It’s another common trope. I’ll see people talk about INTJs being rigid about things, unable to admit that they’re wrong, distant or set in their ways, liking the routine. I find some of this true, but not most. Because this is getting a bit far into the personality side of things, rather than a thought type, the way that most people apply it.

Do I like things organized? Yes. Am I organized? Sometimes, just like anybody. Do I like to know what’s expected of me? Hell yes. Am I unable to adapt (for example, if I’m talking with someone more emotional )? That’s just limiting. As I said, socially speaking, I HAVE to adapt. I’m well aware of being the minority. Most people don’t wanna say, “Hello, let’s analyze film cinematography for fun” they wanna get to know each other on topics that I, frankly speaking, find dull. I have to fight to pay attention to half the conversations I have, I have to nod and make noises to acknowledge that I’m listening CONSTANTLY. That’s how it is. I can adapt. I’m not always as flexible as I’d like, and to err is human. But INTJs are box-people, I assure you. 

But man, do I fucking love spreadsheets. I love using succinct methods to help introduce others to MBTI, for instance. I have condensed explanations of the letters and typing help and such, all prepared. I have lists of people I’ve typed and it’s color-coded. It goes along with that efficiency of explaining to others my viewpoints. :> If I’m easy to understand through my words, I feel I’ve succeeded in a task.

I think the part where I get the most rigid and immovable, is when it comes to planning social time. I’m very withdrawn and I’ve discovered over the years that, even when I’ve learned to adjust, my ability to socialize is still very limited and EXTREMELY draining. Given that INTJs are, on the gradient scale, among the very utmost independent and introverted, this isn’t so surprising. I have to gear up for social interactions, and often this takes hours of mental prep. I spend most of my time on a computer, writing down my own thoughts or organizing things, rather than interacting. I keep my cell phone IN MY HAND during new situations and social events, almost the entire time. I’ve learned that if I can pull away and, say, check my messages or Twitter, it pulls my head out of the socializing (even if just for a few moments) and let me reassess and recharge a bit. Am I actually tired, or just need a bathroom break? Am I done for the night, or is my leaving a bit too premature? Constant interaction with anyone outside my immediate family is draining, even if I’m enjoying myself and having a good time. (With my family, I’m more blunt, easy going, and very positive, I think. I tend to be physically clingy and talk a LOT more freely) So I have to gauge myself, and I can feel myself getting overdrawn sometimes.

Even just running into someone by accident at the store can jolt my energy levels. I’ve been known to duck around corners if I see someone I know (even if I like them, generally speaking) because I wasn’t ready for an interaction, mentally.

Now, when I know what’s expected and how much socializing I need, I’m fine, and very dedicated. I had a monthly social meet up with my friends in Japan, and I liked that. I LOVED it, actually. I knew about how long I’d be out, when I was expected to show up, and once a month filled my social meter pretty well. It was with a close-knit group I could be fairly comfortable with, and my warmer sides had a chance to shine.

At work now, I’m garnering a reputation for being independent. I do my tasks early in the evening, usually, and then I’m fine being at my desk for 4-6 hours even if I don’t see or hear from a living soul. One coworker informed the shift manager that he didn’t even need to check up on me or anything, that I was perfectly fine on my own. It was stated like it was something worth note, although I saw it as natural. lol It was a bit amusing.

The organizing thing is kinda true, though. I recently decided to respond to a YouTube comment (a very, very rare experience) and I actually bullet-pointed my reasons why the original commenter was mistaken, in order to make myself more succinct. lol When I replied I had to laugh at my own actions.

Other/misc.

Among strangers, I rarely speak my own opinions or thoughts at any length. I can work in a place for a year and not reveal anything more than what is asked of me. This can cause problems. I often have a lot to share with others, whether it’s creatively or in theories or advice. I have many thoughts, but... my “efficiency” stamp and also my increasing self-awareness of others’ perceptions of me, holds a lot of this back. It’s not like I particularly blame anyone for this, it’s really my own decision.

But to me, I’d decided that if someone ASKS me about something, then they care enough to know the answer. If I mentioned my work once, and someone asks about it, I’ll answer them. If they want to know my thoughts or feelings on something, I don’t hesitate to start formulating a reply. I have a thought on MOST things. BUT, if I’m not asked? I assume it isn’t on their mind as vital enough to get an answer on. I wouldn’t want to bother elaborating a whole goddamn essay when they weren’t interested, right? That’s when I get the “Wow. lol You wrote a lot.” and no thoughtful response, which is disheartening when I want to exchange ideas and got excited or invested. 

So if they don’t ask, it’s not that I exactly hold onto it or get bitter. But I take that as data for gauging future conversations. If a friend of mine isn’t interested in a fact about me, I don’t offer similar data in the future.

For example, I don’t really do much to celebrate my birthday anymore. i explained to my mother that being the center of attention and getting a lot of OBLIGATORY wishes of good will is not how I feel special or loved. I’d rather get to sleep in, eat what I like, I’d rather spend quality time with people, or relax. Usually this means not going out or anything.

Now, if someone wishes me happy birthday? That’s fine. I don’t get a whole lot out of it, but... it’s still kinda nice? But I hate when people do it purely out of obligation. So my resolution to this was to remove my birthday from Facebook. The only people who wish me happy bday are those who already know me and that date, not because FB reminded them of an obligation. 

I have no problem telling people I’m a Capricorn or such, or a winter baby. But I usually don’t give the exact date of my bday because I don’t want others to feel pressured to remember it or care too much about it, or feel guilty if they missed it. If they ask when my birthday is? I’ll tell them. If the day comes, I don’t hide it. But I think that those who would genuinely care about wishing my happy birthday come along, that they’ll ask,and then I can offer that info. This kind of logic goes across the board, really.

To some people, this is seen as manipulative. I’ve been accused of ‘testing’ my friendships and their sincerity with this, or being passive aggressive. It’s not really my intent, but because of the accusation, I try to re-evaluate such behaviors and try to ensure that these truly ARE my reasonings, and not because I’m secretly seeking attention or validation. 

~~

It’s hard to be understood as an INTJ, I suppose. There’s a lot more than goes into this. I know MBTI isn’t a 100% thing (all psychology is a soft science, anyhow) but I like to use MBTI as a sort of helper, or key, in understanding commonly misunderstood behaviors in me. I know it’s helped me navigate social interactions a lot, and I’ve grown as a person because of it. 

One common problem I’ve had is...well... basically anything in the realms of emotion. That fucking Fi tertiary function, goddamn it. lol 

It’s hard to explain, but the easiest way I’ve found is to tell people that sometimes my emotions “are on a delay.” For example, I’ll go to an event with my friends - like a concert - and I don’t have much exterior emotions about it. My ESFP friend is literally jumping up and down and screaming, while I feel like all my enjoyment is trapped inside my body, and my body won’t move and dance too freely. I’d rather stand very still and enjoy the music, even if I’m having just as good a time. I’m too busy internalizing things to ‘let go’ as the ESFP would. lol

As another example, when I first went to a haunted house, I did enjoy my time there. But emotionally? I wasn’t sure until like two or three days later, when I was thinking back on it. I didn’t know if I’d go again, or if I had fun, or if I liked it. I knew the experience, as I’d lived it, but my FEELINGS on the matter didn’t get processed for a few days. This seems odd, I know. But it makes big emotional events that I get up to very hard to process. Going to Japan, I didn’t properly “feel” excited to be going until like a week after I got there. lol 

One sign that I’ve really enjoyed myself or am emotionally worked up, is that bc I don’t externalize it, I get a headache. After the haunted house, because I hadn’t screamed or let out any outward stress or emotions, everything was bottled in during processing, and I got a really intense headache from it. Recently, I met an online friend of mine in person for the first time, and I could tell I was excited, mostly because my head started hurting once I picked her up.

It’s hard to really explain what that sort of experience is like, but it’s the best I’ve come up with so far. My brain is still processing how I feel about things. This gets confusing when you’re having an argument with a friend. If I feel MORE emotional about a topic, I tend to withdraw and speak more bluntly, and more objectively. This irritates the fuck out of a lot of people, who think I’m shutting down on them. What’s really going on is that, I feel emotionally compromised, and I want to make the argument PRODUCTIVE and EFFICIENT. So I look for a solution to the issue, and doing so requires focusing on the facts, with the way my mind works. “Okay, so you feel the chores aren’t fair. What would you designate as a fair amount? Then who will take care of this?” It sounds accusatory, so I have to phrase things in questions, instead of demands, because I’m trying to find a solution, not attack. I don’t mind conflict, if it’s productive towards improving a situation. 

When I do get emotional? It’s a fucking mess. But even then, I often shut down the emotional side of things and bury it until I’ve processed it and can examine it later. This delay often means people are disappointed by my lack of reaction to certain things, or feel like I don’t care as much as I do. Which usually isn’t the case.

This also means that a lot of relationships, I’m focusing more on the benefits or chemistry of, and I guess that makes people put INTJs on a pedestal? I could elaborate on that and how it’s affected a lot of my relationships, resulting many times in friendships where the other person gets very dependent on me for affirmation or help, and feels closer to me than I feel to them. But... I guess that’s for another day. lol

Essentially, I guess, some stereotypes have their basis in the truth. But I feel like life as an INTJ is a lot more nuanced, especially those that genuinely seek to improve themselves through the understanding being INTJ in a world where we’re rare, rather than just inflating our egos immaturely with the TITLE of “the scientist.”

[machihunnicutt]

Could you write something with the purple mountain dew? Joe said that it does a body swap with the user and the squip :)

(Anon I’m super sorry this took literally forever. Hope you like it and thanks for the request!)

(Or read on ao3.)

It started with an unfortunate Amazon mix up. Of course Jeremy (being Jeremy) didn’t realize there was a mix up or how unfortunate it was until after the fact.

“Hey Jer, you got a package. I picked it up on the way in.” Michael handed him the box and plopped down on the couch cushion beside him. “What is it?” He sat close. Their shoulders pressed together and Michael smelled of the pot and sickly sweet cherry slushy like he always did. He pushed his glasses further up his nose.

Things had gone back to normal after the Squip incident (or more accurately a series of incidents) junior year in some ways. He still spent most of his free time playing video games or getting stoned in Michael’s basement. But he had more friends now. Squip-less Rich was a actually a pretty nice guy. Jeremy had listened to Rich rant about everything from “the One Direction members from least to most hot: a definitive, supported by aesthetic evidence, list” to “10 things I’m going to do to determine whether or not Jake Dillinger likes me back”…so boys, Jeremy listened to Rich talk about boys. And sometimes they texted about their Squips. It was hard to talk about it in person but it was nice to have someone else who understood. It was nice to have someone who got it when things fell apart.

He talked to all of them now: Rich, Jake, Chloe, Jenna, Brooke, and even Christine. He never thought he’d be able to have multiple conversations with Christine Canigula without throwing up or talking too loud or otherwise panicking like a fish out of water. Especially after they went on two awkward dates (concluding, mutually, that it would be best to just stay friends), but so far everything had been working out in that sector of his personal life. 

That sector didn’t include his ridiculous crush on his best friend. He’d told Rich, accidentally, when he found the initials doodled inside of hearts in his math notes. He only made fun of him a little and proclaimed that he’d called it while Jeremy turned beet red. He asked him why he didn’t just say something to Michael.

But there was another thing that  hadn’t changed since the Squip nonsense: Jeremy Heere had never been good at talking about his feelings.

“It’s just some more Mountain Dew Red,” he muttered. He was kind of ashamed at how frequently he had to use it to keep the Squip at bay. Senior year was kind of kicking his ass academically. He had hard classes and college decisions to stress out over endlessly. And when he got anxious he started to doubt himself. And when he doubted himself the Squip got bad. “I was running out.”

“Alrighty,” Michael replied without a hint of judgement or guilt. He loved that he spoke like that. He loved that Michael was still here after everything that had happened between them. He loved a lot of things about Michael Mell.

They played video games in silence for a little while, until they both got tired and ended up watching Bob’s Burgers instead. Jeremy was tired but he didn’t want to stretch his legs out into Michael’s space in order to adequately lean on the arm of the couch and he also didn’t care for the other option (which was leaning on Michael, and maybe the problem was that he cared too much for that option.) He tried to keep his squirming to a minimum as he got comfortable but he wasn’t doing a particularly good job of it.

What do you think you’re doing Jeremy? You can’t sit on a couch without assistance anymore?

He winced as the Squip’s familiar voice intercepted his thoughts. He ignored it. It was better to just not respond.

“You okay?” Michael was looking at him with concern and Jeremy realized his entire body had tensed up.

“I’m okay. Just tired,” he said, jaw still tight.

Michael tilted his head to one side in sleepy confusion and worry and something else Jeremy couldn’t pin down. “Here.” Michael opened his arms wide. “Come lean on me.”

Jeremy felt his face heat up. Why was he getting so weird about this now? He’d been friends with Michael for years and had accidentally dozed off on his shoulder countless times. Now he could feel his heart in his throat.

It’s different now because you’re a coward who can’t tell him how you feel.

It was getting harder to push down his feelings…that was for sure. Jeremy was a “bottle it up and hide it under the bed” kind of guy when it came to dangerous emotions or complex feelings. But after the Squip incident he thought maybe he had too many bottles under there.

He shoved off the Squip’s probing and leaned into Michael’s arms, putting his head on his shoulder and turning his attention back on the TV. Michael wrapped his arms gently around Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled him closer, resting his chin on the top of Jeremy’s head.”You’ve gotta remember to take it easy Jer.”

Just because he’s nice to you doesn’t mean he feels the same way Jeremy.

“I know that,” Jeremy muttered aloud.

“What was that?” Michael asked.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine.”

As soon as Michael went home Jeremy opened up the Amazon package and hardly looked at the can of Mountain Dew as he drank nearly half of it. He was so focused on drowning the asshole in his brain that it didn’t register that the Mountain Dew tasted odd until he set the can down.

“Mountain Dew Purple?!” He shrieked. “I didn’t order this. Oh God what does the purple kind do?”

You’ll see.

“No, you’re not allowed to be weird and cryptic. Tell me what’s going on.” Jeremy got up and shut the door to his room in case his dad could overhear.

Suddenly, he felt a strange crawling beneath his skin and jolt like electricity up his spine. I said you would see.

Jeremy blacked out for a moment or two and when his vision came back things were…different…like weird different. He was still him, but he felt weirdly removed from his body, as if his consciousness had sunken into the back of his brain.

“We’ve switched places,” the Squip said with Jeremy’s voice. “Now you’re the one inside of me.”

That doesn’t make any sense! I’m not a computer! The Squip rolled Jeremy’s eyes and it was an exceedingly strange, out of body experience.

“It’s not a big deal. It’ll only last a day or so. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something by looking at things the way I do.”

So you’re not going to try to take over the world again?

“Don’t be an idiot Jeremy. I’ve hardly the time or resources to try something like that again. I’m on your side.”

Jeremy didn’t trust it, of course he didn’t, but for the time being it seemed like he needed to stay on the Squip’s good side.

I should call Rich.

“Sure, but I’ll be doing the talking Jeremy Heere.” The Squip made his voice sound eerily confident and smooth in a way Jeremy didn’t think he could speak. This was weird. He was strangely drawn to the Squip’s vision of him: the way he held his shoulders back instead of hunching over, the confident cross of his arms over his chest instead of Jeremy’s usual nervous squirming of hands in his cardigan, and the even stride as he walked to the end table and picked up Jeremy’s phone.

*Calling: Richard “Baller” Goranski*

“Sup dude? How’s my other favorite bisexual?” Rich said when he picked up. He sounded uncharacteristically pleased. Now that he thought about it he rarely called Rich. It was mostly texting or in person communication between them.

“Hello Rich,” the Squip said.

“Whoa Jeremy you sound really weird. Is there something wrong?” Jeremy couldn’t help but grin at how quickly Rich had caught on. He really was his friend. Sometimes that was hard to say. Jeremy wasn’t great at accepting friendship.

Tell him.

“Fine Jeremy, I’ll tell him. Though I thought I was doing an adequate job of imitating your speech patterns.”

“Dude, what’s going on? Do you need help?” The interesting thing about this switch was that he wasn’t clouded by his own emotions when listening to Rich. If he stopped thinking so much about himself and listened to Rich it became clear that he really did care. He wasn’t his friend out of pity or guilt like Jeremy couldn’t help but think sometimes.

I’m fine.Tell him I’ll be fine I just want to know if it’s ever happened to him before.

“Jeremy wants me to tell you that he’s fine. He drank some Mountain Dew Purple and switched places with me. It will wear off in a little while but he’s freaking out and wants me to ask you if you’ve ever done the same thing. Judging by your reaction you have not.”

“What the hell Jeremy where did you get Mountain Dew Purple?!”

“Amazon, apparently.”

“Holy shit Jeremy Heere. No it hasn’t happened to me. Are you sure you’re okay? I can come over if you need me.”

I’m fine Rich, really. Thank you.

“He says he’s fine and he says thank you. And he’s thinking that you’re a really good friend but he didn’t tell me to say that.”

Rich laughed.”You’re a good friend too Jeremy. I’ll see you at school tomorrow okay? I’ll help you out.”

Thanks Rich.

“Goodbye Richard.”

“Fuck you Squip.”

***

Everything was blurry when Jeremy woke up. His thoughts swam above him like he was laying at the bottom of the pool looking up at the rippling surface of the water. He remembered laying on the bottom of the public pool during summers when he was little. He and Michael would walk there, sweaty and sunscreen covered as they made their way on lazy afternoons. Jeremy would get overwhelmed by all the neon pool noodles and shouting, splashing, kids and Michael would take his hands and count to three before they both went underwater. There it was quiet and dreamy and when he wore his goggles he could open his eyes and see the way Michael’s hair floated in the chlorinated blue. When they came up for air Michael was always grinning or laughing, or tilting his head up to the pale sky.

And he said his name like it was his favorite flavor of ice cream. Jeremy. Jeremy.

“Jeremy.” The Squip pulled him from his nostalgia.

You’re going to be me today right? You have to listen to me so no one else catches on.

“Fine,” the Squip said flippantly.

Jeremy looked at himself in the mirror while he got ready. Only it was weird because it wasn’t really him. It was the Squip wearing his face. He looked tired: dark circles beneath his eyes and stress acne dotting his forehead.

“Do you even sleep?” The Squip smirked and it looked unnatural on his lips.

Shut up. I try.

“Jeremy? Don’t be late for the bus!” His dad called from downstairs.

Don’t ruin this.

“Relax, freak. Everything’s fine.”

Since the Squip incident his dad had been making more of an effort. For one, he actually wore pants. But more than that they talked now and he went out of his way to spend quality time with him.

“Have a good day at school son,” his dad said, handing him his backpack and clapping him on the shoulder. Jeremy noticed an insecurity in his gestures that he hadn’t before, when he was too busy rolling his eyes or wiping the sleep from his features. His dad was nervous. He didn’t want to disappoint him again.

Tell him you hope he has a good day too.

The Squip did as it was told and Jeremy watched his dad smile.

School was going to be a shit show. School was going to be awful but then Rich was coming up to him and holy shit he was so glad to see him.

“Hey Jer.” Jeremy was opening his locker and Rich leaned on the locker beside him faux casually. “You okay?” he whispered.

I’m alright. Don’t tell anyone what I told you though.

“He says to keep the switch under wraps, though I assume he primarily means don’t tell Michael.”

Rich’s nose wrinkled up in amusement. “I won’t say anything Jer. I’ve got you.”

Jeremy didn’t see Michael until lunch. He slipped in beside him at their usual table: Brooke and Chloe gossiping about God knows what to his right, Jenna helping Christine run lines to his left, and Rich and Jake thumb wrestling intensely across the table. Michael pulled his headphones off of his ears and put his plastic cup of grapes in between them so they could share like they usually did.

“How’s your day on a scale from 1 to 10?” Michael asked.

It’s about a 4 but don’t tell him that. Say 8.

“6,” The Squip said. “You?”

Michael considered. “A 7 probably. It’ll be at least an 8 if you say you’ll hang out at the park with me tonight?”

No don’t. Make something up. I don’t think you can fool him for that…

“Sure.” The Squip smiled with his face and for the first time in a long time Jeremy looked at Michael without worrying about what he looked like or how much he was squirming or how red his face likely was. “I love spending time with you,” the Squip added and Jeremy was about to tell him off for making it weird when he watched Michael blush. He actually blushed and stumbled over the next couple of words.

“I love spending time with you too. I should uh…I should go to study hall but I’ll see you later okay?”

Has he done that before?

“Remember that time you wore that fluffy sweater Christine knitted you to school?” The Squip said under its breath.

He remembered. The sweater was warm and big on his scrawny arms and chest and a pastel purple that he liked but was worried he’d get made fun of for wearing. When Michael saw him in it he’d had a brief double take before complimenting him.

Michael had a fever. That’s why he was so red when I asked him what he thought about the…wait. Are you saying what I think your saying?

“I don’t know Jeremy do you live in perpetual feverishness as well?”

He didn’t have a whole lot of time to process this new information because soon the school day was over and he was walking to the park to meet Michael. The night was slightly chilly and his teeth chattered but he didn’t mind. The Squip was the one feeling the cold anyway. The trees made haunting shadows against the night sky and he hurried to the glow of the street lights.

He found Michael on the swing set. “My day’s an 8.5 now,” he said with a small smile when Jeremy took the swing beside him. They swung back and forth and Jeremy guided the Squip though some vague small talk about the weird people at 7-11 and the bullshit history project they had shitty partners (not each other) for. 

“Hey Jer, are you worried about college? I mean I meant what I said about guys like us fitting in there but sometimes I feel really…” he hesitated, eyes falling to the mulch at their feet. “Lost I guess.”

I’m worried. I’m worried I’m not good enough to make it at college. I’m worried I’ll pick the wrong major or do the wrong things and screw everything up because I don’t know who I am yet.

For all he hated the Squip, he was grateful that he repeated his words exactly. Michael looked up at him. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something and then stopped. Jeremy could see the way his eyes shifted and dared to guess what he’d wanted to say next. Instead he said “You’re a really good friend Jeremy. And I think you’ll figure it out.”

I want my body back. I think he might…I mean I didn’t notice it before but now I really think he might…

The strange jolt of electricity hit him again. He blinked and he was in his own head again. 

You think Jeremy? The Squip said. Jeremy tuned him out. He didn’t need him in his head of this.

“Hey Michael can I ask you something?’

“Of course.” Michael shifted in the swing. “You can ask me anything.”

“Why did you stay by me after everything that happened? I said really awful things that I didn’t mean but…I treated you like shit Michael how could you just forgive me?”

“Jeremy, you’ve only apologized for this a million times.”

“I’m sorry. I’m still so sorry.”

“And I forgive you.” Michael got up and Jeremy followed him up to the top of the jungle gym. It was their other preferred spot. It was closer to the stars.”I’m never just going to leave Jeremy. Our friendship is worth more than that. Friends…people who mean a lot, hurt each other from time to time. It’s hard because it’s worth it.”

Sometimes everything felt hard. But nothing was worth it like Michael was worth it.

“I, um…” The nervous squirming was back. He ignored it. He needed to get it out now. Everything he wanted to say was swimming in the soda of a shaken up bottle. “I hope this doesn’t make everything weird and shitty but I feel like I need to say it so I’m just going to. I like you Michael. I mean I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings. That have been really hard to ignore recently and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything but I feel like I’m running out of time to say how I’m feeling and I’ve always been really bad at that but you’re worth trying it for. Because I really really like you. You make me feel safe and wanted and you’re just so fun to be around and…anyway I’m going to stop talking now because that was a lot.”

“You like me?” He looked up at Michael again, careful not to fall off the jungle gym. He’d done that before when he was little. Michael helped him get to the nurse and didn’t make fun of him when he cried. “You’re not kidding?”

“Why would I be kidding?”

Michael laughed. “I don’t know because I’ve been highkey pining for you for years and I didn’t think you’d ever say something like that.”

“Y-years? Am I actually that clueless?”

“It’s okay Jer.” He laughed again. It was like coming up for air. It was clarity. “You’ve always been kind of clueless.”

“Can I kiss you then?” He asked before he lost his nerve. This time it was Michael who nearly fell off the jungle gym.

“Yeah…if you really want to.”

“I really want to.”

It was soft and it was nervous and it was over too soon but they’d have more time to practice. He got a text from his dad and he reluctantly told Michael that he had to go home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Michael said. The street light made his eyes shine. “We’ll talk more?”

“Definitely. Goodnight Michael.”

When he got home he threw away the Mountain Dew Purple. He had the perspective he needed all by himself. 

[gallagherwitt]

Authors, we need to talk about reviews.

This is gonna be LONG.

Over the last few weeks, I've seen a lot of posts about reviews. Authors pissed off at reviewers. Reviewers frustrated with authors. Various genres, different people, but the same basic theme - a review that rubs an author the wrong way, and an author who lets fly about it publicly. Y'all, we gotta rein this shit in.

Here's the thing -- I know it's not fun to get negative reviews. I once had one that compared reading my book to getting a spinal tap. Another speculated about my sexuality, extrapolating (incorrectly) my orientation and experience based on what I'd written. The former was funny. The latter was humiliating. It killed my ability to write a particular pairing for *a year*. So, I get it. I know how much a review can hurt, particularly if it gets personal.

So what are we supposed to do? When a review is nasty, or the person clearly hated the book, or when the reviewer clearly hates the author for whatever reason?

Nothing.

We're supposed to do....*nothing*.

Not a goddamned thing.

There are three things that are very easy to lose sight of, especially when a review hits a nerve or upsets you:

1. Reviews are for readers, not authors.

2. No review will ever damage your sales or reputation as much as your *reaction* to it.

3. Authors need reviewers, and we're going to lose them if we make them feel at best unappreciated, at worst targeted.

Let's unpack these a little.

1. Reviews are for readers, not authors. -- Book reviews are product reviews. Books are reviewed by consumers for other consumers, not for the author's ego or to give them pull quotes. Every reviewer has their own tastes, rating systems, quirks, pet peeves, etc., and they have the right to review your book accordingly. Yeah, sometimes we don't like the results. But you know what? Sometimes that 1-star review for "way too much sex over the hood of the Ferrari" will be what makes the next reader 1-click your book.

2. No review will ever damage your sales or reputation as much as your *reaction* to it. -- I think this is arguably the most important point I'm going to make. Authors live and die by their reputations. Unprofessional behavior will drive readers away a hell of a lot faster than a negative review.

I'm not trying to tell you that you can't have hurt feelings or that you can't be upset, annoyed, or pissed off by a review. Of course you can!  But be a goddamned professional about it. Vent, rage, scream, cry....in private. To other writers. To your crit partner. To someone who knows what it's like to put a book out there and have it skinned alive right in front of you.

The minute you start ranting about it in public, it's going to start reflecting on YOU a lot more than that review will ever reflect on your book. Whatever damage the bad review might've done to your sales will be a fraction of the potential damage of a public response. You want to minimize the damage of a bad review? Don't draw attention to it.

I'm serious. Over the years, I've seen a number of authors who've flipped out about reviews, and you know what? I can't remember the titles of any of those books or even what the reviews said, but I can suuuuuure remember who the author was. I can remember vividly who has ranted about mean reviewers, and especially those who've sicced readers on reviewers, but I don't remember the books. Make of that what you will.

Do you want people to read your books, or do you want them to mentally categorize you as an author who can't take criticism? Do you want people to review your books honestly, or do you want them to be afraid to even mention your books because you've proven you'll go on the offensive if you're not happy?  Don't think about how much damage that 1-star review will do --- think about all the 5-star reviews you'll lose by revealing yourself to be combative and unable to weather criticism.

3. Authors need reviewers, and we're going to lose them if we make them feel at best unappreciated, at worst targeted.

Reviews sell books. On Amazon, on Goodreads, on review sites -- fact is, reviews make books move. Sometimes a review sucks, and yeah, sometimes the sales suffer for it. Sometimes a review is awesome and a book sells like hotcakes as a result. I know of what I speak because I've had both happen, including a book that barely sold 100 copies its first year, and suddenly sold thousands after a particularly spectacular review on Goodreads. Reviewers make your book visible, for better or worse.

But reviewers aren't getting paid to do this. They have lives. They have things to do besides fend off attacks by angry authors. In recent years, there have been reviewers who've quit reviewing altogether because authors sicced their fans on them. Just today I saw a reviewer who was upset because an author lashed out at them for not reviewing an ARC promptly. (Spoiler alert, folks: reviewing a book weeks or even months after it comes out will STILL help its visibility and sales.)

The end result is we have fewer people reviewing books across the board, and that hurts everyone. Particularly those of us in niche genres.

Y'all, I get it. I do. I've had reviews that would make your hair curl. Some of them have been personally insulting. Some have suggested I skimmed a wiki article when in fact the subject matter was something I live and breathe. If you added up all my 1- and 2- star reviews from the last eight years, you'd discover I'm incapable of writing, know nothing about sex, have zero ability to pick up on speech patterns and emotional nuance, and have never been within 500 miles of a military base. I've been there, yo.

That stuff stings, but it's part of being an author. You put something out there publicly, it's going to be consumed by the public, and the public won't always like it. Sometimes they'll even say so.

Don't be that author. Let people review your books in their own way and on their own time. Let people *hate* your books for any reason they choose to hate them. The readers who love your work won't be put off by it.

TL;DR: Your sales won't be destroyed by a 1-star review. Your career might, however, be damaged by your *reaction* to that 1 star review.