#sometimes they’re eleanor

[chomfoolery]

liking streamers is possibly the worst interest i could have

[vivivav]

‼️ 14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI ‼️

Are these headcanons? am i theorizing? am i analyzing his character? could these just be kinda writing prompts? god fucking knows atp

Kinda turns into just…. a Renren appreciation post at the end. Love them

- If angel is someone who talks to themselves a lot, Ren would thoroughly enjoy that and sometimes reply as if they were having a conversation, and would frequently even use it as an opportunity to practice their “haruko” persona as he replies to them

- Usually when people are on their electronics they almost never look at the little camera directly, instead focused on the screen but those rare moments where Angel actually looks into the camera, if even for a second it makes Ren breathless because it feels like angel’s looking at him.

- got this one from one of the little fics but whenever angel’s on call with someone, Ren loathes it. Because, they don’t like that angel’s paying so much attention to someone else, but on the other hand they’re close their phone. Talking to someone, laughing, making jokes and having conversation and if Ren tries really hard, they can pretend that angel’s having a conversation with him instead.

- Ren tries to time their eating schedule with Angels occasionally, unless he’s just trying to snack on something. Not JUST because they’d find it relaxing to eat with angel but because he doesn’t want to take time away from staring at angel just so they can eat, he’d prefer to train his body to get hungry when angel gets hungry so they don’t waste even a second of his time with angel

- for day 1; not inviting him over and then choosing to call/text him, you can hear them running away from (what’s presumably) angels door so angel doesn’t hear him talk/type, but they only leaves the SECOND angel calls or texts, not before. Now maybe he wasn’t expecting angel to contact him and was genuinely surprised, or, since angel was on call with Moth, (who was urging angel to talk to Ren…) they saw that angel then went on their phone and either looking at his contact or had the chat pulled up, so maybe he just didnt want to waste even a second not staring at angel. Though, maybe it was more of a mix of both

- His first meeting with angel in the library seeming so akward to angel while Rens brain is going a thousand mph. Mad that his first meeting with them wasn’t the perfect one they imagined, mad that he wasn’t prepared, scared you’ll see right through them BECAUSE he wasn’t prepared, nervous to finally be near angel and have them FINALLY talk to him, trying to come up with an excuse as to WHY he pressed the button in the first place (he did NOT read those pages nor that fucking book i am telling you now), trying to come up with any excuses to keep angel there with them for longer, how to stay with angel, to introduce himself, to hear angels voice more, restraining himself to not go completely haywire off the bat because first impressions matter SO much. Then the second you turn away and he gets eleanor out of the way they have to quickly dig in his pockets (or steal stickynotes from the library counter) to try and come up with something charming to write and have angel read to make them find him cute/approachable/not-fucked-up/your-exact-type

-ecords angels voice sometimes and tried to cut and put the clips together to spell something out for him in angels voice (momentary satisfaction but it’d never beat hearing angel actually say it) (most likely it was either their real name or “i love you” or something cheesy like that. maybe.)

- i know he’s not superstitious but the thought of them coming accross one of those posts of “These initials belong together!!” and NOT seeing his and angels initials in there making them mad is so funny lol. Bonus if he sees someone elses initials with angels (Say, A+L as in Angel and Leon). and they’d get mad and either X out everyone elses combinations and put only him and angels in it or search for one with them in it. He knows logically that it doesn’t mean anything and that it was probably just some kid making a fun video but god forbid having someone elses initials with Angels even with something silly like that

- they’d be one of those boyfriends that if angel as little as looks at something for more than a few seconds he’d ask if they’d want it, or just grab it and buy it right away, or remember it and buy it as a surprise for them later. Angel giving a quick second look at like a shirt or a toy and then continuing to walk and then the next day Ren’s giving it to them because he “thought they’d like it”. This alr kinda happens in game on day 2 but pshh they’d buy it for angel even if they didnt literally pause and stare at it for a minute and a half

- Angel forgetting a password to one of their accounts and complaining about it to Ren, who immediately tells them what it is, only for Angel to be like ??? wtf how’d you know. Or, if they weren’t completely caught up in staring at angel he’d comfort them and tell them that they’ll remember it soon. And then write it down for angel somewhere for them to find easily/ purposefully saying something that kinda sounds like it or would hopefully get angel to remember it, like. If the password was “iloveharuko13” he’d start talking about AOG with them, specifically about haruko’s last appearance

- Angel asking Ren how he’s been today when they’re catching up and him-not even thinking about what he was actually doing today just thinking about how happy they are now that angel’s here- just answering with “i’ve been good! how about you..?” very quickly because he’s eager to hear Angels thoughts. He already knows what they’ve been doing but how they FELT about it and their thoughts on it are much more interesting/important

- The reason he stares at angel so much aside from the obvious is that they’re trying with all his strength to develop mind reading powers /silly /not serious but he mightve actually at least tried this at one point no?

- Angel having a diary would be the equivalent of a bible to him. Its angels raw unfiltered thoughts written out BY them. That’s pure gold and god must’ve blessed Ren if angel decided to keep a “top secret” diary. (if angel complained about someone in said diary he’d keep an eye out for them specifically and try to limit angels interactions with them until they made up or parted ways. Or. something happened to them lol)

- idk i just wanna mention that i love their desperate attempts to just be around angel and have them see him. “Sweet boy”, i say, knowing fully well what he’s done and is capable of

- Occasional Angels cutlery thief. you know why (returns them though) (maybe)

- Him asking in their head over and over again “is this real? am i dreaming?” when angel actually invites him over to their place and what ensues because?? only in his dreams right???

- Ren was practically gritting his teeth when they said “what do you think i’ve been doing since you moved away…” at Leon, i don’t think he was angry because Leon moved (probably actually was really happy upon hearing it- maybe thinking “this is my chance! it’s my turn!”) but because the act of him moving made angel sad. It was more of a “how dare you do something that you knew would hurt angel” while secretly they were glad that Leon moved. another,, “loathe” kinda thing? Hates that angel was hurt but happy that Leon wouldn’t be as much in his way anymore?

- Purposefully sometimes leaves angels windows/doors open just so he could see them come closer to shut it. Very rare for them to do bc he doesn’t wanna make angel like,, paranoid (unless they’d be going to him for comfort and safety… but… maybe that’d only be if he’s really desperate…)

- Thinking abt if they’d ‘coincidentally’ show up on angels double date on day 4 or watch from afar. “haha how funny i didnt know you would be here… with……… them………….mind if i come with since i’m here anyway? haha? ^^” …and then him trying to pull angel away from the rest of the group (especially leon and teo ) so it can be another date with just angel and ren…? perhaps. will patiently wait to see

- I think this is alr canon but i’ll say it anyway; him learning angels favourite foods and learning exactly how to cook them. Yes, they could just order the food in through delivery like he does for himself but they want to impress angel and make it specially for them. I feel like the reason he had the pancake recipe STILL pulled up on their phone even though he was already at the very last step of cooking them was because he wanted to be absolutely certain that they were making them EXACTLY the way angel liked- trying to reference pictures for how they were cooked and plated even though he’s probably got them all memorized by heart- but he just wants to be sure.

- Ren stalks angel but in doing so he also stalks everyone close to angel, of course in completely different ways and completely different reasons but they’d nonetheless know a LOT about the people who angel surrounds themselves with; even without hacking into their belongings and finding every little thing about them (Incase he needs to use this infomation against them… or tell angel)

- ^ adding on that him watching angels friends have other friends and become friends with eachother would probably also be like,, something that makes them at least a little happy. In the way of “If they have eachother then they won’t be around angel as much ^^”

- Ren in absolute distress watching angel get sick BEFORE their meeting in the library. Wanting nothing more than to bend reality itself to make angel better and get them everything they need but knowing that they can’t do that yet. (He’d pray that angel wouldn’t notice that their waterbottle on the nightstand keeps “filling itself up”, some pain meds just “showing up” on said nightstand, the cold towel on their forehead being cold again once they woke up… uh, more… taking-care-of-sick-person-things that i’m forgetting rn…)

- Yk that funny thing you sometimes do when you look directly into the camera on your phone/laptop/ whatever youre on and you say sumn like “i know you’re watching me!!!” as a joke. Like the “fbi in my phone” joke. Yeah. imagine that.

- if angel was an artist and drew ren ( be that in secret or asking him to pose ) He’d probably act really flattered and be all smiles and secretly be running laps around his brain like there is smoke building at the top of their head. Angel, taking time out of their day to stare at Ren (or draw him from memory?) and draw him? HIM? As in. Specifically REN, not haruko??? Bonus if he WATCHES angel draw him, weither that be in secret or not, they’d see just how FOCUSED angel is and the effort they’re putting into drawing him. His heart would explode, probably. (Also if angel is staring at them? yeah. yeah.)

- Not enough people talk about how he was so puppy-eyed upset when Leon called angel “sunfish” right in front of them. Interrupting angel and everything. You could practically FEEL the “:(“ in his little “-sunfish?” and the next words out of their mouth were “-Angelfish and i-“ as if Ren was subtly CHALLENGING Leon and trying to compete with him. How dare he have a special petname just for them? As if Ren hasn’t been calling them ‘Angel’ for his whole life? Does Leon even KNOW what sunfish look like? ‘Angelfish’ is so much smarter and they’re prettier fish. It’s essentially insulting.

- When angel starts showing signs of liking Rens real personality he absolutely overthinks the hell out of it. Because, surely not?? That was just their hopeful thinking? Him hearing things, maybe??? I don’t think Ren would believe angel at first if they started showing interest in his real personality, have to convince him before they even think about it. After all, it’s his haruko persona that finally got your attention after 13 years. Surely you like that more than this freaky creepy emo guy. They’re practically opposites afterall

- Angel making any sort of comment about the future that involves Ren- be it in the next day, week or month, he’d be over the moon. You want to keep them around for that long, that you’re already planning it? Thinking about it? Including him in your daily life and schedule? It’d only further his belief that you are an angel

- Rens mumbling coming from the fact that he doesn’t socialize like at all, and is used to just saying things out loud to angel and talking to themselves. He mumbles and whispers things to himself a lot and i REALLY like that trait abt him, i do the exact same thing

- im sorry i wanna mention i really like his little angry face. Rens little furrowed brow and pout. It’s so perfect and he is NOT shy of using it every single time someone interrupts or even suggests taking angels attention. I pause and stare at them everytime he pulls that little “>:(“ face i adore it sm i love the art in this game.

- Already canon but this mans love for matching with Angel in any way is so fun. If you choose to dress in a “comfy” way they get all happy and like almost celebrate it. “Yes!! i knew you liked softer clothes! I was so right picking this outfit this will surely impress them and have their attention on me!”, in the same breath, if you choose to dress “alternatively”, Ren thinks you look very pretty but then they’re a little pouty that angel’s not matching with him, he specifically chose this outfit for angel and didn’t think they’d be wrong since he knows angel so well

holy god i did NOT just write that much… it just turned into rambling oops. i needa replay again and write more haha here i go

rlly hope i’m not just like horribly wrong about everything lol i CANNOT survive a “he would not fucking say that !!!”

thank you sai for creating Ren and showing him to the world with the rest o’ the crew. They are all so very dear to me 💗

[atsadi-shenanigans]

A Misuse of Potions 1- Hill Giant Strength

Wrote it, thought I should sit on it to better edit, then decided I ain't patient. Bon appetite.

Rated VERY E.

Astarion has a plan. A nice, simple plan. His love has been gone for almost a tenday, but now she's back, and he needs her to obliterate him in the best way possible.

Night has fallen. Apprentice spellworkers dart through the streets to light the lanterns as the pale wash of sunset fades into purple, and then black.

Astarion stands near the window overlooking the front street and the small, rather overgrown garden his love has been somewhat tending to.

She’s late.

She’s actually two days late, but he’s inclined to blame the wizard for that. No, she should have been here thirty minutes ago, right as the last curve of the sun sank behind the distant buildings and released the creatures of the night to their nefarious doings.

To which he would happily add his own misdeeds. Except that she’s late.

Something happened. They were waylaid by pirates. A kraken rose from the deep to smash Waterdeep and pulled that wizard tower down on top of them, and her body is so human and so, so mortal. He needs to go. Needs to check—

Magic stirs below. The scent of cinnamon and licorice he always associates with Gale’s spells. A glimmer of purple flickers in the space right before their front gate—she painted it teal and seemed quite pleased with herself—before a shimmering, purple cloud unfurls taller and taller and…

His breath sighs out of him. She emerges. Eleanor. His former leader, his friend, his love. She’s back. She’s home.

He lets the curtain fall back into place.

They’re plush things, and heavy. Purchased with him in mind and enchanted to boot. Usually, the moment it’s safe to do so, he throws them open to catch the fading light still painting the sky.

But not tonight. He doesn’t care about the sky, today. And he doesn’t want an audience.

Well, aside from one, anyway.

She unlatches the little gate and steps through. Her footsteps sound heavy. She must be tired. He hopes that won’t alter his plans. Because he did. Plan. He’s getting better at that. But now she’s late and it’s thrown him so he hurries down the stairs, soft as a sigh.

Not that he needs to. Her hearing is awful (she says it’s quite good for a human and he feels a twinge of pity at that). Plus their townhouse is enchanted against noise. Can’t have the neighbors (he has neighbors) complaining about the screaming (it’s not even bad screaming; usually involves a lot of “yes, yes oh god” even).

He hits the ground floor and surveys the room. It’s nothing grand. Nothing like the mansion he still gets dragged to in reverie sometimes. But it’s bright and tidy (they pay someone for that, because it turns out neither of them is particularly good at housekeeping). The wooden floor is well-swept and decorated with colorful rugs and potted plants (dearest Eleanor says her people were farmers). The walls are covered in patterned wallpaper and bookshelves and trinkets, tapestries and paintings she should have haggled better for, but didn’t because “good art is worth the artist.”

It's very her. And, he thinks, it might possibly him, as well? Part of him? They change things as they need to as he figures that whole mess out.

But he’s really here to check that everything is in place. No elaborate staging, though. He chose his own clothes for his own reasons, for his own purposes. He’s in their home. And it smells of them.

Or it did smell of them, And that’s the problem.

Oh, his scent is everywhere. He can’t escape that. But she’s been gone the better part of a tenday, and it’s her that’s beginning to fade.

The first, few nights were tolerable. He could nuzzle into her pillow and remember to breathe. The bedding smelled of her: rich blood, the linden soap she favors, and that wonderful, clean scent she carries on her skin. It was nearly enough for him to imagine he held her as he rested.

But the bedding wasn’t warm, like her. And though the late, summer sunlight warms the stone walls of their home and chases away the burgeoning chill of autumn, there was no living body within the walls to fill it with heat.

She wasn’t there. He was alone.

He’s been alone before, of course. Was practically alone for two centuries before he threatened her on that beach (he sighs fondly at the memory: her on her back, staring up at him with what he initially mistook for a simpleton’s vacancy, but later learned was a vicious cunning) (when she wasn’t tired) (and when what she calls her “brain chemicals” were correctly balanced).

Then they were together (he feels himself smile) for a little over a year, now. And in that time, they’ve never been apart as long as this expedition of hers.

And now their home is too cold. Too quiet. And nerves twist his stomach.

It’s almost hilarious. Centuries at seduction, and he’s now reduced to fussing over his clothing as he waits. Second guessing: where he’ll stand, how he’ll position himself. It used to be as effortless as, well, not breathing, but blinking, perhaps (even that’s a stretch). He barely thought about it. Wasn’t entirely present for more than half of it.

But now every moment drags. Her steps up their walkway. The way her lungs draw air. The beat of her heart and there’s no one to witness the slight stumble as his knees go stupidly weak.

He ought to sneer at the thought. A little over a year ago, he would have done far worse. Probably stabbed someone. But now, it’s Eleanor and he missed her, gods help him, and he smooths his hands along his front and takes up position at the door. Waits until…just…there.

Opens that door for her.

Her hand is raised to grab the knob. Now it hovers and slowly falls to her side as she boggles.

He chose well, it turns out. He doesn’t need a mirror to know he looks good. He’s retrieved his heels and laced them up. Unpacked another purchase he kept from her: a long, blood red dress of embroidered silk. It’s a slim fit, meant to hug his form. Would be tight along the legs if it wasn’t for the slit up one side.

The sleeves fall off his shoulders in a way he knows highlights them. She does love his shoulders (loves to clutch them as he works between her legs) (curl her head upon them as he reads to her) (dig her fingers in to try to ease the tense muscles when that blasted joke of an editor at the Baldur’s Mouth throws some feeble counterargument back at him).

But it’s the way her eyes follow along his collarbones to the dip that leads down his chest. It’s his chest that’s her favorite part of him (well, second) (alright, third because she says disgusting things like “your eyes” and “the way you smile” and “but if you didn’t have a mouth, I couldn’t hear you talk about plagues”).

(And she means all of those statements; she’ll just…sit there and listen to him prattle on—)

“Good evening, lover,” he purrs.

She almost drops all three bags she carries.

***

The rest on AO3 so no tumblr horny jail for me.

[soracities]

I took one of my hands in the other, tried to imagine what it would feel like if it was another person’s hand holding mine. There have been times when I felt that I might die of loneliness. People sometimes say they might die of boredom, that they’re dying for a cup of tea, but for me, dying of loneliness is not hyperbole. When I feel like that, my head drops and my shoulders slump and I ache, I physically ache, for human contact – I truly feel that I might tumble to the ground and pass away if someone doesn’t hold me, touch me. I don’t mean a lover [...] I had long since given up on any notion that another person might love me that way – but simply as a human being.

Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine

[3storyofmylife3]

A problem I find in fiction nowadays is that female main characters don’t seem real.

They’re too perfect, too untouchable.

Even their flaws aren’t really flaws.

They’re insecure, they don’t believe in themselves, but they are perfect in every other way.

The main character will be pretty but she wouldn’t know it. She’s fit a perfect aesthetic that little girls who read the books try to attain and it just wouldn’t work.

They’re badasses because they have a few “witty” one liners, but they’re mean and rude to everyone else. They judge other girls and mean to guys because girls are better than guys obviously (yay girl power).

They’re have a ridiculous amount of trauma but it doesn’t affect their health in anyway.

Writers are often too focused on making badass female characters that they forget to actually write a character.

Their are exceptions to this of course.

Like Lucy Carlyle in Lockwood and Co, despite being written by a man (Jonathan Stroud) she’s probably the most realistic female main character i’ve ever read about.

She gets jealous and petty sometimes, she gets insecure, she’s mean, she makes dumb mistakes, but she LEARNS and she GROWS.

She doesn’t just repeat the same mistakes bcuz there are no consequences to them and the male love interest will back her up no matter what 💅.

And she has friends and crushes and enemies and she’s just…normal. No incredible beauty, and amazing personality. Just a girl who tries her best with what’s been given to her. She’s a hard worker and is very talented (and she knows it, she just doesn’t really understand the reality of it).

Or Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place. An arizona trash bag, the worst person you will ever meet, but she tries to change no matter how long it takes her and tries to do good. And you have love her because she’s smart and relatable and even though she’s selfish sometimes she cares about her friends and is willing to do anything for them by the time the series is over, and it’s not like she goes all perfect of a sudden, she still makes mistakes and learns from them. Because the most important thing is to try.

Anne from Anne with an E. You will never get more second-hand embarrassment from a character besides Anne and still love her, because she’s just a teenage girl who has hopes and dreams and a big imagination.

Alex and Red from The Land Of Stories.

Cress from TLC.

Mabel from Gravity Falls.

Inej and Nina from SOC.

And there are so many more, i wish we’d give characters like this more times than characters like SJM heroines 🥲.

[apomaro-mellow]

Whatever Stevie Wants 9

Part 8

Chrissy had seen the gang upset. She’d seen them angry and raging either at each other or society, sometimes even at the paparazzi or a rabid fan. She had never seen them, any of them, like this. Even when she got them to calm down enough to tell her what was going on and why they needed to go home, the only way to describe them was wrathful.

She told them to go. That she would handle things on this end and to put their all into helping Steve. 

------------------------

Wayne knew Eddie had arrived when he heard tires skid outside. He was sitting in the living room, head in his hands. Beatrice was pacing around but she stopped when the boys started coming through the door.

“Where is he?!”

“We know everything we already told you”, Wayne said, getting to his feet.

“We thought you’d know more”, Beatrice said. “Steve never told you anything about his parents?”

“What does that matter now? We need to find him!”, Jeff yelled.

“AND OUR PUPS!”, Eddie roared.

The room began to fill with sour notes, mostly from Eddie and Jeff but more subdued ones coming from Gareth and Grant as well. They had been riled up the entire trip home and wanted nothing more but to take action.

“I need all of you to get a grip”, Wayne said.

“But Steve-”, Grant started.

“We need to think of his safety too”, Beatrice cut him off. “Why would his parents do this?”

“Because they think we’re not good enough for him.” Eddie started to pace, although it was more like stomping around. “They don’t like us. They don’t like the girls. They’re probably trying to break the bond as we speak!”

Jeff went up to his mother. “Mom, if they do anything to my baby, I swear…”

“We’ll get them back, all of them”, she assured him. “And then we are going to sue those people to the ground.”

--------------------------

Margaret smiled at Steve from across the table. Dessert was done and normally they would adjourn to the next room for drinks. But she didn’t think Steve having any alcohol was a good idea right now and he had spent the entire day refreshing his etiquette. He had done quite well today and she thought he deserved a reward.

“Your father and I are going to have drinks. You may spend your evening with your children. Tell Eleanor that she is relieved for the night.”

Steve had been nearly catatonic the entire day, but he perked up at hearing that. Then he schooled his features and nodded with only the smallest of smiles.

“Thank you, mother.”

He stood calmly and left the dining room, keeping an even pace as he made his way to the nursery. He walked inside and politely dismissed Eleanor. One silver lining was that she was nice, even if she deferred to his mother. He couldn’t exactly blame her for going along with the woman who was signing her check. 

Once she was gone, he closed the door and collapsed onto the floor, kissing Violet all over and then Vanessa, relishing in their giggles and gummy grins. They were dressed very nicely in their pajamas, matching sets. He wanted to be happy about how cute they looked but it was wrapped in bitter feelings. Violet looked preoccupied with whatever she was doing with blocks before he came in, so he picked up Vanessa and went over to the rocking chair.

He’d started pumping so the others in his pack could feed the girls and they’d even started the girls on soft solids. But there weren't any bottles of formula and more importantly, he needed a moment to be close with his baby. So he unbuttoned his shirt and she latched on with ease. Steve stroked her hair, smiling so hard, he thought he might cry.

Then Vanessa reached up and gave his face an uncoordinated pat and he did start crying.

--------------------

Steve sat at the table with his mother. They were at a brunch spot to meet with the first of his prospective suitors. When they did this in his youth, Steve could at least sympathize with someone who was also being put through this by their parents. Now, seeing a man twice his age approach, he had less sympathy.

“Findlay, it’s so good to see you”, Margaret greeted him warmly.

“Always a pleasure”, he kissed the back of her hand cordially. Then he gave his attention to Steve. “And this must be your lovely son.”

“Nice to meet you”, Steve held his hand out. He held back the flinch when his hand was kissed as well.

“Likewise.”

Then the man sat and carried on a conversation mostly with his mother. Steve didn’t expect much different. This was basically a business transaction and he was the product being traded. He only needed to respond every now and then. He remembered what his parents told him about this one. His wealth was the most important part to them. His most defining characteristic to Steve was the fact that he was fine adopting Violet, but not Vanessa.

He was well practiced in keeping his negative feelings to himself when it came to these people. He knew speaking his mind wouldn’t get him very far. While his mother and Findlay spoke, he busied himself with eating his food. But he reminded himself to also not eat too eagerly, lest he incur a snide remark.

The brunch ended and things were looking good, at least for his mother and they stood as they were saying their parting remarks. 

“I have high hopes for us, Steven. The daughter I would take on…I believe her name is Violet? I’m sure she will get on well with her other siblings.”

She already has a sister. “She already has a sister”, Steve said. He could hear his mother hiss his name under her breath but he ignored it.

“So I have heard”, Findlay said. “But as I told your parents, that one wouldn’t be quite the right fit for my family.”

That one?!

The slap echoed in the tea room and all the conversation stopped. Findlay’s eyes were wide and Margaret’s jaw was on the floor. But she was the first to recover.

“Steven!”, she said through grit teeth.

“No, you’re right, my apologies.” Steve grabbed a plate from a nearby table and threw it in Findlay’s face, painting him in chicken salad. He turned his nose up and walked away, head held high. 

He might be forced to meet these people. He might have to pretend to be open to their courtship. But he wouldn’t let anyone disrespect his pups.

----------------------

Eddie was on the phone with Robin. Gareth was on the phone with the police. Grant was talking to Chrissy about the story they’d need to release to the public. Jeff was on a laptop, finding the address for the Harrington estate.

They were going to save their beloveds, end the Harrington name forever, and raise some hell along the way.

Part 10 coming soon

[gabessquishytum]

A thought for you: imagine Dream being Robyn’s tutor.

Dream was hired when Robyn was 5 to teach him in all the things young nobility should know. He’s never really met the man who employs him, since Hob is often away doing his knightly duties or what have you. He mostly interacts with Eleanor when he has questions or concerns.

Robyn has the BIGGEST crush on Dream. The man is so pretty, even though he’s strict and forces Robyn to do school work instead of playing outside. Robyn constantly talks about Dream in his letters to his dad.

When Robyn is 10, Eleanor passes suddenly and Hob comes home. Robyn is an absolute mess, and Hob isn’t much better. Robyn, though, blames Hob for not being there for them and is always angry. He instead seeks solace in Dream, who is not at all emotionally aware enough to comfort a grieving child.

Dream does what any sensible person who is completely out of his depth would do and consults with Hob about things. They meet regularly to talk about how Robyn is doing. Hob does his best to stay strong for everyone, but he’s falling apart inside. He breaks down in front of Dream during one of their talks and all Dream can do is try their best.

After a few years have passed, things are doing much better. Hob and Robyn still miss Eleanor like crazy, but they’ve both moved on. Robyn has grown into a brilliant young man, and Hob couldn’t be more proud of him. Dream, who has essentially been co-parenting Robyn since he was young, feels much the same way.

Hob is pretty smitten with Dream after so many years, and the feeling is definitely mutual, but they’re both holding themselves back. They both have so many doubts about how the other feels, the societal pressures of their different classes, worries about Robyn, and the memory of Eleanor hanging over them.

Robyn has long since outgrown his childhood crush on his tutor (who is more of a father figure/family friend at this point), but he realizes one day that he isn’t the only Gadling that was completely taken by Dream. Cue Robyn doing his very best to get the two most important men in his life together.

After they’re together and Hob realizes just how involved Robyn was in the process, he gets to tease Robyn mercilessly about his old crush and Robyn gets to retaliate with all the embarrassing stuff Hob would write where he didn’t think anyone would find it. Dream is highly amused watching his two boys bicker.

(I started typing with only the ‘Robyn has a crush on Dream’ part in mind and it ballooned lol)

- 🎮 anon

Love this as a slowburn romance <3

I bet that teenage Robin spends sooo much time trying to distract Dream from teaching lessons by talking about Hob. And Dream is a strict teacher but dammit if he doesn't want to talk about Hob too!! When Robin starts talking about what Hob has been up to, how his favourite horse went lame and he spent the whole night in the stable taking care of it, Dream can't help letting him ramble on. Mainly because Dream is totally busy daydreaming about how wonderful and sweet Hob is.

When they finally, finally get together, Robin is so proud to take credit for some of it. He's kind of annoyed that now he's officially got two parents motherhenning him again, but secretly he loves knowing that Dream and his dad discuss his welfare. He secretly loves that whenever he brings home someone who he has a romantic attachment to, he knows that Hob will tease him and compare his newest crush to Dream.

He also knows that his mum would be so pleased and proud of all of them. Eleanor was very fond of Dream, and Robin bets that she's having a great time laughing at Hob and how absolutely head over heels he is.

Sucks that Dream still makes him do lessons, but... sometimes Hob comes in to their little classroom and distracts his beloved tutor for a while. Maybe it's his way of paying Robin back for his help in the successful romancing of Dream!

[moxiepoxart]

Nalu Week! Family pt 1 (all head canons below (so you don’t have to read my handwriting))

Natsu

Usually Cooks

Lucy ties his hair and they sometimes wear matching accessories.

Wears Alvarez-styled clothes nowadays

A bit more relaxed

Took to parenting the the worst (surprisingly) his kids are growing and he struggles with change

Desperately wants a closer relationship with Nashi

Still a natural with kids though

Lucy

Has several successful book series

Pregnancy was terrible to her health but she endures despite her family and spirits worries.

Can now summon 5+ spirits at once

Does everything to hide her aging and can be insecure about her appearance

Took to parenting like a duck to water despite her anxiety (her spirits are a huge support)

Is currently trying out shorter hairstyles

Lucy won’t let her kids get guild tattoos until they’re 16 and she will die on this hill

Happy

Best Uncle

Enabler

Started going gray and pretends to have ailments he doesn’t have to get sympathy and more fish.

Eats so much fish

Is closest to Eleanor

Nashi (the trial child)

Middle name is Iris

Has Natsu’s hair that won’t obey the hairbrush

Wants long hair but finds it too hard to maintain

Is a 4th gen dragon slayer

Is incredibly anxious about hurting loved ones with her explosive power

Inherited her anxiety from Lucy

Butts heads with Natsu cause he doesn’t understand it

She trains with Erza (Natsu tries to hide his hurt, struggles with his daughter changing)

Adores Erza

Natsu bombarded her with his hobbies at a young age (fishing, brawling and getting dirty)

Is a tomboy but still total mommy’s girl

Oblivious to Griege’s crush

Her jacket is from Alzack and Bisca

Eleanor (the black sheep) (get it? From the Beatles song?)

Middle name is Layla

Takes after her paternal grandmother, but no one knows this and draws on the obvious similarities to Zeref

She is uncomfortable with this comparison (If Natsu overhears any comments it’s on site)

Insists on carrying Happy everywhere (will get into fights with her brother over it)

Sleeps with Happy

Is friends with everyone but doesn’t have many she’s close to

Goes to Lucy with her problems (another mommy’s girl)

Loves the Strauss siblings (especially Mira and Lisanna)

Not sure what magic she wants to learn

Always asks Lucy to summon Aries to go play

Haru (the accident)

Celestial Wizard

Middle name is Igneel

Has Zeref’s cowlick

Is in a cat phase rn (used to be a dragon phase and Natsu is gutted it’s over)

“Loke is the coolest zodiac!”

Sunglasses are a gift from Loke (Natsu hates it)

Wearing cat ears (Happy loves it)

His leopard print shirt is a gift from Laxus (Lucy hates it)

Is a Natsu clone

Endless energy

Hyper-fixates

Loves to read

“Did you know…”

Tries to follow Natsu on missions

Asks Happy to fly him everywhere (gets into fights with his sister about it)

[eloise175]

The Twin Terrors

Two out of my five headcanon calliope kids, along with some of their traits and background! And some crumbs on the other siblings as well if you squint. (Special thanks to @kuroneko1815 who heard me out on my rant about them lol)

Callisto was ecstatic when he saw that the twins’ hair color was the same as Penelope’s; he insisted that the eye color complimented their pretty hair color.

Just like their mother, the siblings have a love for expensive things, especially rubies and emeralds, (blame their father, Callisto covered them in emerald jewelry since they were literal babies).

Growing up, Dante will start to resemble his father more and more, while Eden will take after Penelope with looks.

The twins wear ‘coordinated’ earrings. Dante’s earring has a star, that he wears on his left ear, while Eden has a moon earring on her right ear.

The gold earrings were actually Callisto’s and Penelope’s, but when the twins were born, the married couple immediately knew the earrings would suit the children better. It was a toss on who’d get the star, and who the moon, but in the end with Judy’s and Kayden’s help, they settled for the current arrangement.

Turns out the choice suits the twins nicely since Dante is more outgoing, therefore ‘as bright as a star,’ while Eden can be more secluded, which alludes to the different phases of the moon.

They also have ‘complementary’ moles of sorts. The position of the moles actually defined the placement of the earrings, Dante has a mole under his left eye, and Eden has one underneath her right eye.

Dante is the only one out of the two that has always had dimples, however growing up, only the dimple on the left side remained. The dimples come from Callisto and his mother (whom I decided to call Eleanor), whom had dimples on both sides, while Callisto has only one on his left side.

Dante is the oldest of the two, and takes every chance he gets to rub it in Eden’s face, which consequentially gets him whacked on the head.

They show their love by beating each other up, it’s just how they are.

Chaotic middle children.

Walking potty mouths. The ‘no cussing rule’ only worked on Judith and the baby of the family, Rigel. Kayden can and will curse, however he chooses not to, he has more ‘fancy ways’ of insulting people, but Dante and Eden are the foul-mouthed duo of the family. Sometimes Callisto’s crude language pales in comparison to the twins’ appalling choice of words. The only time they don’t curse at all is in front of Penelope, mom is a scary being that should not be angered in any way.

Stick together like glue, where one goes, the other follows.

They will get angry if someone assumes they like the same things, aka the dumb stereotypes that always follow twins.

Once at a party hosted by a noble, someone tried to serve a meal that had a big amount of peppers in it to Dante just because Eden likes peppers; Dante ended up grabbing that servant by the collar of his uniform and threatening him, because he has a strong dislike for raw peppers after he got sick as a child after eating some. The only thing that stopped the servant from getting sucked punched was Judith’s interception of the whole thing.

People refer to them as ‘The Terrors’ because personality wise, they’re basically copy and paste of Callisto’s more brutal tendencies. (Reynold was the one that started referring to them as that, however he means it in a playful and teasing manner, he loves the two gremlins to death).

Literally the karma of shitty people, because despite all of this, the twins only go after the bad and questionable ones.

The two of them aren’t mean, in fact they’re very nice, kind and playful once you get to know them. A good example of the people present on Eden and Dante’s hit list are the ones exactly like Gloria Kellen and her fetch dogs, aka the bullies.

The twins are the equivalent of ‘the hot cheeto girls’ when it comes to defending someone from bullies.

Out of the two, Dante is the more volatile one. He’s the one that picks fights the most out of the five Regulus siblings. The altercations are usually put to rest by Kayden, and when his older brother isn’t there to stop him, Judy will try to placate Dante.

Dante is very irritable when it comes to people he doesn’t like, and won’t hesitate to call someone out on their bs.

He gravitates more towards swordsmanship, and has a collection of all kinds of swords, which are his pride and joy. Some of them he forged himself overtime with the help of his father; you can find any type of sword you can think of in that collection, from normal ones to magical and very powerful ones, to ancient sword relics.

Dante combines magic and swordsmanship, and has this one special attack of ‘flying swords,’ it helps that some of his swords are somewhat sentient thanks to the magic he imbedded into them with Penelope’s help.

Oftentimes he can be found training with Kayden and Callisto, who teaches them everything he knows.

On the other hand, Eden is the more ‘docile’ of the two. People usually would rather deal with Eden than with Dante because they deem her more well-mannered, when in reality they should watch out when it comes to her.

Eden is actually more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of girl. Cross her and she’ll dig up any and every information on you in under an hour. Give her 20-40 minutes and she’ll have your entire life’s events at hand.

She’s the blackmail girly, and has her own special ways of making people talk when she needs/wants something, ways that actually don’t include any sort of harm, at least not physical.

Eden is in fact, a telepath, who also makes use of telekinesis. I’m talking about literally eradicating trees and yeeting them at someone if she’s testy enough, all of that without breaking a sweat. She could be sipping tea while controlling random objects to do all the work for her.

All of the Regulus kids have an inkling for music, and each has their own designated instrument. Judith plays the piano; Kayden has his cello; for his brash nature, no one would expect Dante of all people to play the violin, but he does, and he’s pretty much a prodigy when it comes to that; Eden has her beloved harp and lyre; Rigel plays the flute, and later on, he also picks up on how to play the guitar.

Speaking of talents and hobbies, Eden can be found very often in the kitchens trying out some of her recipes. The kitchen staff are some of her favorite people.

The Head Chef is always the first who tries her dishes, (yes he’s the test subject), this man has went through food poisoning because of little Eden’s very dubious deserts, yet he’s still the first who offers to try out her weird concoctions. He’s pleased to see her improvement as she grows, the Head Chef is basically an adoptive uncle at this point.

Judith and Callisto are the ones who get the finished, improved and actually edible result to try out firsthand. They have no idea Eden gave the Head Chef food poisoning a few times, and are giddy with the fact that they are the first to try her dishes, ignorance is bliss after all and Eden couldn’t agree more, she doesn’t have the heart to tell them the truth.

Penelope knows of this and has tried quite a few times to coerce the Head Chef out of his ‘test subject’ occupation, however he insisted on it, and Penelope settled on designating a special doctor for the poor man. However, she does find amusing Callisto’s and Judith’s giddiness whenever they boast about being the first to get to try Eden’s food.

[third-arch]

My Trafalgar Law HC’s!! pt.12✨✨

Trigger Warning: Mention of Self Harm at the end

His current favorite song that he’s been listening to is Drew Barrymore by SZA. He likes all of SZA’s works imo.

His top 10 favorite Beatles songs in no particular order are as follows:

- In My Life

- Dear Prudence

- Come Together

- Eleanor Rigby

- For No One

- While My Guitar Gently Weeps

- I Want You (She’s So Heavy)

- Nowhere Man

- Drive My Car

- Glass Onion

He sits in the very front of the classroom. He sits in the very back when he’s overwhelmed or depressed.

If his zodiac sign could be anything, it would either be Leo or Libra.

Appearance wise, I like to think that he has a more tough, rugged appearance, with a slightly crooked nose and darker, tan skin.

Compared to his short, straight L-shaped nose in the anime and chiseled appearance, I think the best way I’d describe him is “tired”.

He also has beauty marks scattered around his face.

Dark circles drag under his eyes and line around his nose occasionally.

He also might sometimes wear black eyeliner.

Lastly, I don’t think he has any white spots on his face.

Oh, and he has hairy arms and legs, with some chest hair (maybe).

The edges of his black dress shoes are scuffed. He gets them polished and repaired each by Shachi or Ikkaku.

He hates being compared to animals. It makes him feel disrespected and weak.

(When I mean this, I mean in a non affectionate way. Like a joking or platonic way, kinda like how he was compared to a hyena.)

Not really a HC, but he has dimples.

(Look!! He’s so pretty!!)

I like to think that his blue coat say a lot about his character and his past. It could be a statement of individuality while still holding on and honoring what’s dear to him. Freedom I suppose.

This idea also relates to him having a slick and mature yet comfortable style of clothing.

For this reason, he might definitely wear leather jackets and fine tailored suits, but nothing too showy. Just lowkey, minimal, yet stylish and free.

In a group project, he’s a divider and conqueror.

In partnership with projects, he used to take the lead and do all the work, but he’s gotten better at being an equal (he still does most of the work LOL)

For him, Vinyls>CD’s.

TW: Self harm

Law has self harm scars. I like to think that they’re well hidden.

If he ever sees them on his partner during intimate moments, he’ll kiss them.

In less intimate settings, he’ll rub his thumb in small, gentle circles over each laceration and bump.

He’ll never really talk about them or say anything if anyone notices them.

[joannanora]

.

In need of a TV series to fill those chilly autumn evenings? The Couple Next Door is here to heat things up.

Drama! Suspense! Sex! The Couple Next Door sounds right up our street. Add in some of our favourite actors in leading roles, and we’re firmly on board.

We don’t know yet exactly when this TV series will land on our screens (other than sometime in autumn), but what we do have is enough details to convince you to add The Couple Next Door to your ‘ooh, I’ll definitely tune into that’ list for future reference. Oh, and some exclusive first-look images.

Let’s talk you through everything you need to know to get thoroughly excited about this show.

What is The Couple Next Door about?

The Couple Next Door is a dark psychological drama that’s all about desire.

When Evie and Pete move into a fancy new neighbourhood, they’re surrounded by gossip, anxiety and curtain twitching. But thankfully they find some pals to help them navigate their environment: the couple next door (like the title of the show, get it?), traffic cop Danny and his wife, Becka, a glamorous yoga instructor.

The two couples get closer together, then… something happens. As the show’s description says: “One fateful night, [they] become sexually entangled in a way that will change their lives forever.”

Who stars in The Couple Next Door?

We’ve got some great names playing the pair of couples. Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark, The Outlaws) plays Evie, and Alfred Enoch (Tigers, How To Get Away With Murder) is her husband, Pete. The couple next door are played by Sam Heughan (Outlander, Suspect) and Jessica De Gouw (Pennyworth, Our Man From Jersey).

What are people saying about The Couple Next Door?

The show is described as “a deliciously dark, psychological drama, exploring the claustrophobia of suburbia and the fallout of chasing your deepest desires”. Sounds fun to us.

And Caroline Hollick, head of drama at Channel 4 declared the series “an addictive, emotional roller-coaster with something to say about modern sexual mores, with an electrifying cast that will set our screens on fire”.

Of playing lead role Evie, Eleanor Tomlinson said: “Evie is an exciting challenge for me – a girl whose world is turned upside down as she navigates devastating trauma, which isn’t helped by unresolved issues from her past. We have an excellent team on board, and I am looking forward to exploring this dark and complicated world alongside Sam and our director Dries.”

“At the heart of this series are two couples who get increasingly close to each other, and one fateful night become sexually entangled in a way that will change the rest of their lives forever,” added Jo McGrath, executive producer. “You never really know what goes on behind closed doors but this series sets out to make you wonder.”

Juicy, right?

How can we watch The Couple Next Door?

No word yet on an exact release date, but we do know The Couple Next Door will be out at some point this autumn. The series will premiere on Channel 4 in the UK and will be available on Starz in the US and Canada, as well as Lionsgate+ in Latin America, including Brazil.

[sgiandubh]

Hi,

Sam anon from a few months back who was struggling and embarrassed to admit that I was worried about watching Sam and Cait in sex scenes with other people because I thought could I be wrong about Sam and Cait?

I watched the Couple Next Door, which I really enjoyed. I thought Sam was great along with the rest of the cast. I feel so ridiculous that I was so worried about watching Sam’s sex scenes in this show. While I thought he had good chemistry with both Eleanor and Jessica and it was so much better than his lack of chemistry with his previous costars, I was able to see the difference between these scenes and the sex scenes he does with Cait. I don’t think anything will ever compare to what he shares with Cait and not should it. I don’t mean this in a negative way, but for this irrational brain I have sometimes it was comforting to see that even though he can have good chemistry with other actresses, what he has with Cait is on a different level. They’re like fireworks on screen together. The stars truly aligned with the two of them. 💕

I just hope we get to see those fireworks between them out in the open one day where they don’t have to hide.

Thanks again for providing a rational and well thought out response at the time. You were exactly right in what you said. 💕

Dear (returning) Uneasy Anon,

I had to go check in my archive for your August 15th post (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/725761913846431744/i-was-wondering-if-anyone-else-had-this-same-fear?source=share) and my long answer.

I am over the moon I could be useful and I knew TCND would not change an iota to what I wrote there and then. I am currently watching it, too and will start a series of posts about it tonight (I take advantage of our long week-end).

Also, that is not a gay man in a straight role. ROFLMAO - that idiocy could only spring from the Anti-MENSA minds of the Disgruntled Tumblrettes.

Thank you, Anon for coming back and sharing your experience. Truly. Mordor was expecting a meltdown in The Shire? I'll give them a Scot meltdown!

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 68 - SMDH

The crew has some Questions.

On AO3.

Half the crew pointedly do not look at you, while the other half of them keep glancing over all unsubtle-like. Except Lae’zel, who glares steadily, but that’s just her face.

“Not a goddamn word outta none of you,” you say, picking around the semi-circle around the campfire to snag one of them griddlecakes.

Everybody eats in silence. The looks keep zinging over your head or behind your back—occasionally hit the corner of your eye. You rip off a hunk of the cake and dab up some of the jam Gale broke out for it. Strawberry, thank fuck. You can do strawberry just fine. At least you think it’s strawberry, because ain’t that another really funny form of parallel evolution? Unless strawberry seeds got carried across interdimensional space to end up cross pollinating over here.

And you wait. One of them is gonna crack. You can feel it. Your money is on Shadowheart. She wasn’t there, and her surreptitious glances are a touch too amused for your liking. Or maybe they’ll all forget because they’re a bunch of chaotic assholes and will actually keep their tongues to themselves.

“What is a ‘virgin?’” Lae’zel says.

Looking back, you shouldn’t be surprised. At least she’s direct about it.

You chew your griddle cake as she looks around camp at a bunch of people now avoiding her gaze. Is Wyll blushing? You can’t actually tell, but he’s doing that head duck thing that usually means somebody is blushing.

“Well?” Lae’zel says. “Or is this more istik foolishness?”

You sit there and take another bite like this don’t even concern you. It’s their turn to squirm.

It’s Gale that clears his throat and lifts his pointer finger (bless him).

“Typically, the word is used to describe someone who has never engaged in sex with a partner,” he says. And huh, ain’t no blush on the man or hesitation to him at all. Didn’t he say he was banging the goddess that dumped him? “But as Eleanor argued—rather successfully, I might add—the definition can be rather vague and unfitting.”

Lae’zel turns to you and says, point blank, “You have never mated?”

It occurs to you that this wouldn’t be happening if you’d just opened your coward mouth and fucking told that goblin vampire man the fucking truth to begin with. You one hundred percent made this entire goddamn bed, and now you gotta sleep in it. So you swallow, stare at your booted toes a second, and lift your head.

You ain’t some blushing maiden (technically you are, but that whole thing is a steaming pile of social construct bullshit). And brazening things out has been working pretty good so far.

“Nope,” you say, and pop the “p” at the end.

“Why? Are you deficient?”

Good old Lae’zel. It’s actually refreshing to have somebody just come out and say it. Don’t give the others a chance to go whispering their theories around.

“Didn’t like anybody enough,” you say.

Lae’zel’s eyes narrow.

“Aww,” Karlach says. “That’s cute. And kinda sad.”

“I think it’s rather noble,” Wyll says.

That one irks you, though you know he means well. People make assumptions. Sometimes painfully close ones.

“And you, Wyll,” Shadowheart says. “Have you met someone you liked well enough?”

He has to be blushing. He scratches behind one ear. “I’m an old-fashioned sort, it’s true. But there was a boy some years back…”

Fuck’s sake, seriously? You’re the only one? Goddamn everybody else and their stupid fucking libidos. It never doesn’t shock you how willing so many people are to drop their pants and grind their genitals together with a near damn stranger.

“I,” Gale starts. Stops. Actually reconsiders. You stare at him as he clears his throat. “In the interest of scholarly pursuits, I am rather curious where you got your information? Not that it was inaccurate! It’s just…in my experience, dormitory gossip tends to get things rather, er, wrong, and the kind of books that do get it right are rather harder to find.”

Wyll makes a sound. Covers his mouth. When everybody looks at him, he says, “Perhaps not so difficult.”

“The Blade of Frontiers reads erotic books?” Shadowheart says.

“It was…” Wyll sort of mumbles the rest. Both Karlach and Shadowheart lean forwards. Wyll coughs. “It was in my father’s study.”

Karlach guffaws. A real good one, too: head back, joy all but bursting out of her. “Wyll! You, skulking about your da’s office and finding dirty books? Oh mate, that’s proper gold, right there. I found my first penny papers, you know the ones, all ‘heaving bosoms’ and all that? Only this one had drawings. First proper pair of tits I ever saw! Aside from the neighborhood bathing days, anyway.”

Gale’s smiling. They’re all talking about this with each other, instead of focusing on you. He did that on purpose.

“So what’d you find?” Karlach says to you.

A whole lotta sin and sermons and hellfire.

“The internet,” you saw. And now you gotta explain that. “Gale, I think I seen a crystal ball in your tent before. Can you see stuff in it? Like, talk to each other with magic over a long distance?”

He can, and they have what he calls “sending stones.” Neat.

“Okay. So think if a lot of people, and I mean most common people, had crystal balls that were also them speaking stones, only they was flat and square and could fit in your pan—trouser pockets. And each one connects to every other one in the whole world. And you can put libraries in them. And music, and speeches, and plays and everybody else can access them. And it’s all got sound and color and sometimes it’s live—showing something as it happens.”

Gale watches you like he’s a dingo and you’re a human baby.

“So humans, being humans—”

Shadowheart rolls her eyes and mutters, “Of course.”

“—they put sex in it. Pictures, writing, performances. All of it.”

“Performances?” Wyll says. “You mean…?”

“Two—or more—people actually fucking, yeah. Like you’re there, only it’s in the crystal square and anybody with one can watch. I seen all kinds’a shit.”

“That’s,” Gale starts. Can’t even finish his sentence.

Is Karlach sweating?

“You can just…?” Wyll says and makes some vague hand motion.

“Ye-awp.” With another popped “p” cause it makes everybody uncomfortable and this is hilarious.

“So you view what you like, and then take yourself to bed?” Shadowheart says.

Cause that’s what happens when you get cocky.

“Bit personal,” you say.

She crosses her fucking legs. “Ah. You were comfortable earlier, though. With the bugbear genitalia. I only wondered.”

Jesus fuck.

You shove the last of your griddlecake into your face, chew it, and say, “I am inexperienced, not uneducated. And that’s it for me, before y’all actually embarrass me enough I gotta burn down the camp while y’all sleep. I’m going to bed.”

“All by yourself?” Shadowheart says, and she is smirking.

You give her a look. She just tilts her head, all sweet like.

“Y’all are a bunch’a dickheads.”

***

Y’all get caught up in your first mountain storm the next morning. Wake up and a bear is trying to rip into your tent. And then the shadow moves against the tent flap and Halsin ducks in. Has to raise his voice to be heard over the hissing and howling of the wind, and the thunder of rain pelting your tent (thank Gale for putting a water-off spell on all y’all’s tents).

The storm is too nasty for y’all to move. So you stay put.

Rain continues to dump. You don’t got nothing to do, so you scurry over to Gale’s tent for another TED talk/reading/language lesson. Which lasts a good few hours until water starts coming in through the bottom of Gale’s tent and he swears and everybody pitches in to grab his shit and evacuate. The water is up to your ankles by the time y’all are done—Astarion don’t come out once, though a candle burns in there and y’all can see his silhouette in the golden halo on the red fabric.

Wyll, turns out, probably has the best setup outta all y’all. And he’s nice enough to let Gale crash there while his shit dries out. There’s too many damn people in that tent, though, so you head back to your own and curl in for a nap.

The quiet is what wakes you. No rain. No wind roaring down from the jagged slopes above. Just the soft sounds of a mountain breeze at night—it’s dark in the tent, shit damnit you slept too long—and the snapping of a campfire.

You done went and wasted a dirt potion. You consider leaving it be, but somebody is awake out there, and you ain’t gonna be able to sleep again for a while, and y’all got yourselves a fucking stock of it. So you slam it back, and duck outside.

Gale greets you as you emerge. Sweetums looks up from where he’s nestled with Scratch in the open flap of Wyll’s tent. You’re all groggy and tired, and so are they, apparently. The wizard  is hunched by the fire, his boots set out on their sides to dry, clothing and rugs hanging over rocks and low branches.

“Is it bad?” you say.

“Oh, nothing I can’t handle,” he says.

Ain’t nobody else up. Goddamn, how long did you sleep?

“I took first watch,” Gale says. “Seemed prudent, given the chores I’ve yet to attend to. I’m afraid dinner is whatever cold rations we’ve got. Should be some bread and cheese in the pack over there.”

You nod. Dinner would be good, though your stomach ain’t woken up yet. But that’s not what pulled you outta your bedroll. That is your screaming bladder.

“Sounds good,” you say. “I’m just gonna go take care of something.”

“Piss, yes,” he says. In English.

“I’m gonna regret teaching you that, huh?”

“Oh, it’s not like wizards have a tendency to become knowledge-obsessed, power-hungry madmen or anything. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

He can only hold a straight face for a couple more seconds. Then he cracks, and so do you, and so does your bladder (nearly).

You wave and scurry off. Note that Astarion’s tent is dark—must be back on the hunt.

“He left not long ago,” Gale calls out. “Rotten mood. I don’t think he’s had any success for a while.”

Shit. Y’all are gonna have to talk, then. See if you can’t come up with a solution. Maybe get Shadowheart to help you bleed into a cup (you can’t do it yourself; your brain shies hard from that thought).

You can talk to Wyll, too; see if he can’t bring in his hunts and trappings and let y’all’s resident vampire at them first.

Y’all are set up next to a shallow valley in the woods. Trees sweep all the way over and up the flanks of the mountains on the other side. Ought to be deer or bunnies in there. For you, these woods is spooky in the dark. Yeah yeah, Cherokee princess noble savages one with nature shit. But smart people don’t go into the fucking woods alone at night. That’s how mama mountain cats feed little baby mountain cats.

You piss hard to speed it up and get back. Do a little shimmy in your crouch and wipe with the square of torn up rags you brought with (you been collecting them and boiling them when y’all make camp) (you made yourself Baby’s First Breechcloth, but it’s an unwieldy mess in your trousers cause you don’t actually know what you’re doing and the goddamn cloth bunches up sometimes).

The creepy gets worse. You shove your britches back in and button yourself up. You start to turn back when your brain finally registers what’s giving you the heeby jeebies.

It’s quiet. Not just “storm fucked off” quiet, but there should be owls. Squirrels. Mice or rats or possums rustling around. But there ain’t.

It is dead quiet.

The hairs on the back of your neck lift. You should turn. You don’t wanna. Don’t need to see some old woman with one finger a long, long talon staring at you from behind a tree.

A crow caws. You damn near jump clean outta your skin.

“Fucking asshole!” you hiss.

A branch rustles right above you. The damned bird. It’s dark out here. Proper dark. A bit of the campfire glow filters in, though. Just enough for you to make out dark wings up there as the stupid bird flaps over to land right above your head.

It caws again.

“Right, sorry for being on your turf,” you say. Only something ain’t right about that bird. Something about the wing ain’t moving correctly.

Is it broken? Is this a hurt bird nosing for scraps? But as you peer up, you realize it’s got something in its beak.

“Whatcha got…there…?”

A berry, you think. Some kinds big, pale berry with the stem still attached. A long stem, trailing down, flopping as the bird twitches. Only that ain’t a berry. That’s a motherfucking eyeball.

The crow caws three times, a sort of “a ha ha!” Only it don’t sound like a crow no more; more like an old woman.

Like a fucking swamp hag.

You’re still in screaming range. Gale’s awake, and you know he can blast a good quarter of an acre to ashes. You can back away, you start to back away—

Dark tent. He just left, not long ago. No luck hunting. He’d be tired; be slower, weaker than usual.

“Astarion.”

Your voice seems to spook the bird. It takes off in a burst of feathers, heading further into the dark.

“Wait,” you say. “Wait!”

And it does. Fucker stops, perches about ten feet further in. That little bastard is waiting for you. And now you know why White people get murdered in horror movies. Because this is a trap. One hundred percent, most definitely a trap. But you feel deep down in your bone marrow that if you (sensibly) sprint for backup, or shout out a warning to the others, that crow will disappear and something very, very bad is going to happen.

“Fuck, fuck.”

You waffle for a second. Maybe two. And then it’s like a hook grabs your insides and hauls you after that goddamn, motherfucking lure bird deeper and deeper into the woods.

You crash through bushes. Branches swat your face. Your toes skip over something and you tear open your palms catching yourself on the rough trunk of a tree. The crow stops. Lets you catch up before it laughs and heads deeper and you’re so fucked. This is so fucking stupid. This is how you get murdered by a swamp hag in the woods. This is how a monster pounces on you and crunches right through the back of your skull.

Then the glimmer of torchlight. Orange and flickering. And your brain spits out an image of Astarion lounging next to a campfire, munching down on a squirrel like it’s a boiled ear of corn. He’d lift his head all lazy to give you a judgmental look when you emerge from the woods like a madwoman with sticks in your hair.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

A clearing. A horse in that clearing, with a torch set into a harness on the saddle. The crow flaps to a branch on the edge, flutters its rotten wings, and visibly gloats.

You reach the edge.

A shape on the ground. Big, brown: a deer, very dead. And next to that something else. White hair spattered in red. White shirt and pale hands, also red. Red everywhere.

“Astarion?” you say.

He’s on his back, unmoving. There’s something wrong with his chest. A branch or a…

A stake. A stake right through the middle of his chest. And then you look at his face and his eyes are huge and his mouth moves but no sound comes out—

“That’s far enough, friend,” a voice says.

You turn. Spot the crossbow. The leather arm braces. An embroidered vest and a pointy beard.

Gandrel the monster hunter stands with a bolt aimed at your face.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[mickc-art]

I’ve been working on a retelling of Abduction of Persephone and there are things I might add here:

This might be a black comedy work (inspirations taken from The Good Place and other American/British comedy shows)

Persephone isn’t the “Goddess of Spring” but called and praised as one

Kore is Perse’s nickname

Hades’ design is based on Jemaine Clement (I kept imagining that)

Hades is sort of an antagonist in my retelling (he’s the main antagonist at first then became a supporting character)

Persephone wears in blue green motifs in the mortal realm

Perse wasn’t aware that she’s Zeus’ daughter until she and Hades had an argument about marriage

Perse and Hades’ relationship resembled Eleanor and Michael’s from The Good Place (their role are similar to architect but Hades focused a bit on parties and sometimes punishing)

Demeter isn’t an overbearing/overprotective mother but a cool mom to Perse and Dionysus (Perse and Dio are twins and they’re both Zeus’ kids)

Perse and Dem have no knowledge of Perse being married off to Hades (Dem was in the mortal realm when the arrangement happens)

[possum-quesadilla]

Chapter seven of Time is a Flat Circle is up and boy oh boy is it a doozy! Here are the extras for this chapter! <3

- This chapter’s title is from “Nobody” by Mitski. She was my rock throughout writing this chapter. If I had less self restraint, the entirety of both of the LoopJuice playlists would be all Mitski. I feel like this song, and the line I chose for the title in particular, really reflect what our sweet little demon wants deep down.

- “Christ on a fuckin’ bike” is taken straight from a coworker’s vernacular.

- “When did I teach him how to summon new clothes?” He did! It was mentioned in passing in a previous chapter that he showed both Adam and Barbara how to conjure new clothes. This is to show how shoddy his memory has gotten.

- “‘Beebleboose’” is, of course, a reference to everyone’s favorite sad puppet show. Also, he can’t even type out his own name due to the curse.

- “.. that erotic Colonel Sanders romance novel..” this is a real thing, unfortunately.

- “The idea of eating brought the bitter taste of bile to the back of his mouth.” One unfortunate possible side affect of burnout is an aversion to food. Everything suddenly seems disgusting, and just the idea of eating sickens you.

- “His lips remained still. It felt as if his whole mouth was coated in cotton.” This is sign of overstimulation I personally experience quite regularly. Your mouth just refuses to work!

- On that same note - a side effect of persistent autistic burnout is significant memory loss and/or brain fog. Hence why Beej forgot (and still continues to sometimes) that the humans can now remember everything.

- “Can I touch you, Bug?” Always ask permission before touching someone who you believe to be having some sort of panic attack or meltdown. Barbara knows to do this due to her experience with Adam!

- “Look at those chompers!” Indeed! Beetlejuice’s teeth are based on that of a spotted hyena, like Adam theorizes later. They have a specialized premolar that can break bone. Here is a pic for reference!

- “How come your tears are black?” It’s actually because they’re mixed with soot from the hellfire in his chest! Beetlejuice’s tears smell like a campfire.

- “Sometimes he still felt like roadkill again.” He has yet to be hit by a car, but he has been trampled by horses.

- “He was a bit taken aback at how curly and.. fluffy his hair had gotten.” They have hair that naturally curls, it’s just been so long since it was clean enough for them to see it. After this point, Beetlejuice’s hair is curly and voluminous! That’s why the other characters find it hard to resist playing with.

- “.. odd rumbling sensation..” Beetlejuice doesn’t know what purring is, or that they do it. They just find the noise embarrassing.

- Adam had a hyperfixation on animals at large when he was young, and spent his free time as a wee tot rereading books of animal facts. This is why he is so knowledgeable and enthused about BJ’s animalistic traits.

- “I met a real foxy witch in a swamp who had an alligator familiar once.” This is a reference to the webcomic Muted, which is about queer witches in New Orleans. Give it a read!

- “C’mon Beej, don’t be like that! You’re, like, the Mike to their Debbie and Dave!” “… what?” “You’re the Gonzo to their Kermit and Miss Piggy!” These are references to my (and Lydia’s) favorite throuple ships in media, besides Beetlands. Mike, Debbie, and Dave are from “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”, and Gonzo, Kermit, and Miss Piggy are, of course, from The Muppets.

- Beetlejuice’s frantic shrimp pocketing is based on another character I deeply relate to, Eleanor Shellstrop from “The Good Place”.

- “‘who in this wide world does not know the great B-” This line is a reference to the musical “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”, specifically the song “Pretty Women”. I cannot stop the musical references unfortunately

- Ms. Keaton is supposed to be the old woman who tries to bring a pie to the Deetz family in the musical, but her name is, of course, a reference to Michael Keaton, the original actor for Beetlejuice in the Tim Burton film.

- On the surgeries Beetlejuice mentioned - he has gotten top surgery! He is very proud of his top surgery scars. They are not the scars he mentioned being ashamed of in a previous chapter.

- As stated, Lydia is a demigirl! She uses she/they pronouns, and Beetlejuice is nonbinary and uses he/they/it pronouns.

- On the head bumping - Lydia picked it up shortly after Beetlejuice first did it to her. It’s how cats and Beetlejuice show affection. Barbara and Adam are slowly starting to adopt it over time as well.

- Beetlejuice’s horns are, like Adam theorizes, based on a sheep’s. Here is a little sketch of how they used to look, and how they look now! (Also, a peek at his ears. I’m not entirely happy how they came out in the drawing, so this may change.)

- The tail!! Here is a rough drawing of how it looks.

- It is not scaled like a snake, but rather like a possum’s tail. It is prehensile, meaning it can grip things and even support his weight if he used it to hang upside down. It reaches down to about his ankles. The tip shakes like a rattlesnake’s (no noise, though) when he’s nervous or deep in thought, or just as a self-soothing thing. This is based on what my own cat’s tail does when he’s nervous!

- The ear-piercing scene is meant to evoke a similar one in “The Parent Trap”, since it is a sibling bonding scene I really enjoy and find very affective.

- On the demons of their past - each demon’s name is based on a star, like Beetlejuice’s own. They are unafraid to envoke Rigel’s name because he is dead. Deb and Cyrus are nicknames based on their true names, like Beetlejuice and Betelgeuse. I am excited to have Deb and Cyrus to show up in Part 2!

- Beetlejuice’s first marriage was by choice to someone he knew. Their second marriage was an arranged political union.

- Deb is a trans woman!

- “I’ll talk more, just cut it out with the weird… teary eyes!” Not even demons are immune to puppy-dog eyes.

- Beetlejuice’s favorite meal was a bone broth made from meal scraps and various herbs.

- “Chari-sard” Adam was comparing Beetlejuice to a Charizard. Both the demon and the Pokémon have flames that are connected to their life force, and they will die if it ever goes out.

- The whole scene describing Beetlejuice’s favorite meal is based on a similar scene in “Isle of Dogs”, where a stray dog describes the only time he was ever adopted before. He bit a member of his new family so hard he had to be hospitalized, and he doesn’t know why he did it. He says he thinks maybe he was scared. The grandmother of the family brought him a bowl of chili while he was locked in the garden shed, which he says he likes to imagine was for him. He escaped after that and went back to being a stray. This scene strikes a chord with me, and reminds me very deeply of Beetlejuice. He doesn’t understand why he lashes out. He doesn’t want to. He’s not a violent demon. He’s just… scared. (Highly recommend “Isle of Dogs” if you enjoy this fic! It, along with Wes Anderson’s other films, really resonate with me and my experience as an autistic/neurodivergent person. There will be references to “Fantastic Mr. Fox” and “Asteroid City”, as they also greatly influenced how I think and write.)

- Barbara enjoys cooking, as she has a very perceptive palette and likes to experiment. Adam is more adept at baking, because he likes to follow instructions.

- The “shrimps is bugs” hoodie is a real one that one of my good friends has. He is studying etymology.

- “Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious-” this is based off of a popular gag in “Parks and Rec”, one of my favorite shows. (And Adam and Barbara’s! The millennials in my life love a good workplace comedy.)

- “Why couldn’t he just he just grip the spoon the same way he had with his left hand?” Beetlejuice is unaware that dominant and nondominant hands are a thing.

- Like my beloved millennial dad figure, Adam has a deep love for a random movie from the 80’s. I feel like every dad’s got one. His is, of course, “The Terminator”. Arnold Schwarzenegger was his bisexual awakening. All of the factoids he shares about the film are true!

- Finally, the legs! Like his horns, Beetlejuice’s legs resemble that of a sheep’s own back legs. His hooves are cloven, like stated, and his fur is black with brown undertones, like a black cat, or this sheep below! The fur doesn’t grow out much due to stress, but he used to have to shear it often by himself as a child. He probably will have to start doing so again the healthier and happier he gets!

- Nurse Ratched is a villainous nurse from pop culture. Research her with caution, as she does some rather heinous things. Barbara likes true crime!

- A “Texas Switch” is a technique used in filming, and is used in “The Terminator”. My favorite example is in “A Quiet Place Part Two”!

- “Odd, reattached limbs had never healed that quickly before.” That is because they are getting proper care!

- “To distract from the odd little sound they involuntarily made, (seriously, what was that? A chirp?)” It was a trill! Or as I call it, a ‘mrrp’. Some people call it the “cat activation noise”.

- “Some strange show about people working for the government” this is, of course, “Parks and Rec”!

- And that’s it, nothing else happened in this chapter and it ended happily :) (The flashbacks BJ had while having a panic attack are from his mother, Rigel, and Lydia stabbing him, obviously. Yes, all of them stabbing him in some way.)