#sometimes it's fun to play bitter and angsty characters!!

[erradox]

He wouldn't even know that name but the song really fits him.

[hxney-lemcn]

Affection — NRC Students x gn! reader

summery: what is being affectionate with your fav like?

tw: bad parents (Riddle, Leona (?), Jamil (?)), angsty (Riddle, Leona, Ruggie (kinda), Jamil, Idia, Ortho, Malleus (kinda)).

a/n: A lot of these are based on my own headcanons (Jade).

wc: 2.6k (~100 per character)

Master List

Riddle Rosehearts

Growing up his mother didn’t give him much affection. He wasn’t treated like a child, more like a trophy. Something you keep just out of reach, something you only lay your eyes on. Riddle is terribly touch starved and doesn’t know it. So when you start showing him acts of affection he has no idea how to handle it. What does he do? When is it okay to do these acts? Don’t mind how stiff he is when you hug him or how red he turns if you hold hands. It's something he’s never felt before, and you have unlocked something deep inside Riddle that had been tucked away. So please, give him another hug would you? It helps slowly heal something in him he didn’t know was broken. 

Trey Clover

Trey is a total sweetheart. He doesn’t mind affection at all. Growing up with siblings, he’s used to hugging and hand holding. Whether you're affectionate out the gate or need a little coaxing, it's like Trey instinctively knows. He’ll ask before doing anything, asking for consent, getting to know your boundaries. If you don’t like affection, that’s fine with him, if you only like being affectionate behind closed doors he doesn’t mind. Just know that Trey loves any and all forms of affection you show him, no matter how big or little. He cherishes you, and he’ll show you that in any form you prefer. 

Cater Diamond

We all know Cater doesn’t mind hanging off you out in public. Hugs, cheek kisses, hand holding, you name it, he’s probably done it. What he doesn’t want people knowing is how tiring it is for him to keep up that facade. Although, when it comes to you he doesn’t even register half the things he does. You’re like a magnet that pulls him in. Though, his favorite forms of affection are behind closed doors, just the two of you, no camera. Whether it be you two existing in the same room, or you laying on his chest or vice versa, those are his favorite moments. He doesn’t have to pretend, doesn’t have to put on a mask to make others happy because he is happy with you. 

Deuce Spade

Even though Deuce’s mom has showered him with affection growing up, he’s still shy about it. His image before was a punk, and now he’s trying to be an honor student. So if you ever hug him or try to hold his hand his face will flame up and he won’t be able to meet your eyes. He’s a gentleman though, through and through. Always makes sure you're comfortable even if you’re the one who initiated. He’s not too picky when it comes to affection…but he does prefer if you do it behind closed doors. He loves your kisses, but he doesn't love Ace teasing him about it.

Ace Trappola

Oh boy. Ace is a little gremlin. He acts like your affection doesn’t do anything, acts all smug like you're lucky for being able to hold his hand. All the while his mind is melting and the bright blush on his face gives his true feelings away. I wouldn’t say he’s exactly touch starved, but he does crave your affection. When he became a teen he stopped hugging his parents ‘cus his brother would make fun of him otherwise. He crafted his unbothered persona, and didn’t realize how much he missed hugging until you gave him one. He rarely initiates, but sometimes he crumbles.

Leona Kingscholar

He’s another one who didn’t grow up with much affection, always watching as his older brother Falena got all the praise. He’s bitter, seeing affection as a weakness, like showing your underbelly to your predator. Being soft got you nowhere in the animal kingdom…but he did enjoy it when you played with his hair or kissed his cheek. It left an odd warm feeling to fill him, making him grumble about your idiocy. Deep down, he was scared about how much he enjoyed your affection, scared he’d be upstaged once more and you’d find someone else to love. So he’ll just make sure that doesn’t happen, ‘cus there’s no one better than him after all.

Ruggie Bucchi

Where he’s from, showing affection is like putting a target on your back. It shows a weakness that someone could take advantage of. This is why Ruggie is so skittish at first, always making an excuse to run away if you go to hug him, your hands brush and he’s lifting his hands up to his head (y’know that one position). But once he warms up, realizes you won’t snatch his food and run like a thief, he finds himself enjoying your embrace. It’s like heaven to lay his head in your lap as you feed him an orange. How your hands trace his face so lovingly, like trash like him is actually worth something.

Jack Howl

Jack is a bit awkward when it comes to affection. He’s closed off, but his tough personality does melt away to reveal a heart of gold. He doesn’t mind if you hold his hand, just please don’t mention the pink that tints his cheeks. He does enjoy when it's just the two of you, he feels more relaxed, like he can actually take in your warmth. His hugs might be a bit uncomfortable with all that muscle, but don’t tell him that ‘cus he might stop hugging you then :( On the bright side, you could sit on his back while he does push ups :) 

Azul Ashengrotto

This guy…you can’t even compliment him without him running away at first. Although Azul’s mom was almost over affectionate, he’s another one that gets shy at the thought of anything affectionate. He was ridiculed growing up, which made him sharpen his edges. He has a persona to uphold, he can’t be…clingy…oh is he clingy. Out in public it's only small acts, holding hands, hand resting on your lower back, kiss to the back of your hand. In private is a whole other story. Loves hugs, cuddling, kisses, staring at you. Azul doesn’t get much alone time, so the moments you have together behind closed doors he likes to use to his full advantage. Can you blame him? You looked so lovely all day, do you know how terrible it was to watch you without giving you a kiss?

Jade Leech

Doesn’t really need affection, but finds it cute when you seek him out. He loves you, yes, but affection isn’t really his forte. He won’t deny you a kiss though, especially not when you pout so cutely. Jade’s more of a tease, due to the fact that he doesn’t mind a lack of affection, he finds it hilarious to watch you long for it. He’ll brush his hand against yours, but won’t hold it. He’ll lean in close to your face only to whisper in your ear. He’ll gently brush his fingers over your cheek…only to pinch it. But if you're feeling down, he won’t hesitate to whisk you somewhere private and hold you close. He does love you after all. 

Floyd Leech

Another oh boy. His ‘affection’ can seem less like affection and more like torture. He won’t go easy on you either. In fact, he’ll probably squeeze you tighter due to his cute aggression. Floyd, unlike Jade, loves, loves, loves hugging, holding, squeezing. Then you opened him to the world of kissing, biting. Good luck with that. Most of the time he’s all over you, in public or in private, he doesn’t care, if he wants to nibble on you he’s gonna nibble on you. If you’re uncomfy with that he’ll try to tone it down (will he?), but he will probably forget and do it anyway. If he’s in a sour mood he won’t seek out affection, but if you do the right thing it might make him feel a little better…but be careful.

Kalim Al Asim

He gives so many hugs it makes Jamil want to bash his head in. Do you know how many ways Kalim could get killed with how trusting he is? Expect hugs, hand holding, pulling, cheek kisses, and giggling. He’s not afraid to show the world how much he loves you, and he loves affection! When you show him affection though…get ready for a giggly, blushy, kicking his feet in the air Kalim. He’s so used to being the one giving affection he forgot what it's like to receive it. Yeah a lot of his siblings love him…but a lot have also tried to assassinate him so… Jamil finds you to be a double edged sword, as you tend to keep Kalim reigned in…but he also goes crazy over you.

Jamil Viper

Does not like it. Not at first. It takes a lot to earn his trust, and growing up he didn’t get much affection if any. So he doesn’t like it, it's a foreign feeling and it's just too much for him. Though gradually, he finds himself thinking about your touch, the way your fingers felt as your hands brushed, or wondering how soft it would be to hug you. He curses himself for becoming so weak, but those curses quiet down the second your arms hold him so sweetly. No pda, none whatsoever. But behind closed doors he's more willing to give in to your tender touches (not that he’d admit it).

Vil Schoenheit 

Vil is picky about affection. There’s certain things that you can and can’t do during certain times. With the media always on his back, you can never be too careful about pda. He doesn’t want the world to hound you about your relationship with him, so he tends to keep things behind closed doors. He shows his affection in other ways to compensate, whether it be picking out your outfit or fixing your hair. He has become your personal stylist and you should be thankful. When it's just the two of you though, he becomes such a sap. Holds you so sweetly, trails of kisses, murmurs sweet nothings into your hair. Vil loves you and he won’t let you think otherwise.

Rook Hunt

When doesn’t he show you affection? Flowery words trail after you as you walk to class. Kisses to the back of your hand trail up your arm. No one can outcompete Rook when it comes to admiring you. You could kill a man and he’d be singing your praises while hiding all evidence for you. What's surprising is how he acts when it's just you two alone. Although he is sincere with his usual flowery words, it feels more intimate when you both are alone. When he’s holding your close, staring at you so lovingly, whispering how much you mean to him? I get it Rook lovers, I’ve finally gotten it.

Epel Felmier

Nuh-uh. Affection? That’s for losers! Don’t ask about how loving his grandparents are. Blushes profusely at even the smallest act and then scolds you. He’s a manly man and manly men don’t cuddle! Off topic but I’d love to go on a rant about toxic masculinity and how those stereotypes hurt men more and see how he reacts. Epel warms up to affection quickly, but only if he initiates in public. When it's just you two he’s more chill about it. Resting your head on his shoulder, having you wrap your arms around his, placing a kiss on his forehead—don’t tell anyone that last one…

Idia Shroud

Poor, poor Idia. He only knows affection from Ortho, and after Ortho…once he became a technomantic humanoid Idia couldn’t hug him anymore. It reminded him that Ortho wasn’t…yeah so let's just say Idia is hella touch starved due to self isolation. So you have to slowly bring him out of his shell, revealing that old wound he’s left to fester and tending to it so gently. He can’t help but shiver every time you run your hands through his hair, or when you kiss his temple, or when your body heat seeps into him. Over time he comes to crave your affection, seeking you out but never outright stating what he wanted. Thankfully for him you always seemed to know what he needed. 

Ortho Shroud

This poor boy pt 2. After he was created he didn’t really experience physical affection. With his bulky bodies and being made from metal, he wasn’t comfortable to hug. Ortho never thought about it much, although he was curious what affection felt like. So when you hugged him without a second thought he almost cried (if he could). Soaks up your affection like a sponge and reciprocates tenfold. He now hugs you as a greeting and holds your hand when you both are going somewhere. He can’t help it! Who knew affection was so nice! And since you're willing, he’ll always come to you if he needs someone to lean on.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus knows of affection, but being the future king of Briar Valley and extremely powerful he only knows affection through Lilia and his grandmother. Lilia was super loving, don’t get me wrong, but Malleus could never shake that feeling of loneliness. The way people avoid him, how he’s always out of reach. Yet you…you were willing to listen to him and accompany him. So when you even touched him, he wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t well versed in means of affection, and human affection seemed even more strange. You didn’t just hold his hand, you’d lean on him, you wouldn’t just kiss his cheek, you’d boop him afterwards. Yet he thrived with anything you’d give him. Malleus is content with watching you eagerly, waiting for the next form of affection you’d show him.

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia isn’t afraid to show his affection, and more often than not it leaves his subordinates (children) embarrassed. So when you came along, you had become his willing victim. He shows his affection in less conventional ways. His favorite is scaring you, popping out at random like he was trying to put you into cardiac arrest. But he makes up for it by kissing your nose after. He’ll also cook for you…I pray for your sanity because he can be really sweet but it comes in underhanded ways. If you eat his food he’ll be over the moon…if you don’t he’ll pout. It’s up to you if you want to live or not.

Silver Vanrouge

Growing up under Lilia’s wing did him some favors. He’s not against affection, he just never thought about it too much. He doesn’t mind if you hold his hand or if you kiss his cheek. His favorite is when you both cuddle. He’s a sleepy guy, so naturally this is the most common form of affection you both share. Even the animals will join you two. When he isn’t sleeping though, he’ll give you kisses on the back of your hand, guide you around, he’s your personal knight now. Although he does feel bad that he has to leave you a lot for his duty, he’ll always try to make it up to you at the end of the day.

Sebek Zigvolt 

Nope. No affection allowed. Your eardrums will be shattered if you try. He’s another one who has to warm up to it. His parents are super loving, and he’s used to his mom always hugging him…but he stopped all that nonsense because he has to give his all to his Waka-sama. Sebek is so intense in his worship of Malleus he finds it indecent to even think of anything romantic/affectionate with you. But when you break him down, when you hug him so sweetly or kiss his cheek so softly…yeah he’s a goner. Deep down he craves for your affection, he loves it to a point it scares him. He felt his heart crack when he denied you once, the guilt in your eyes leaving him with a sour taste in his mouth. He supposes he’ll allow you to hug him, but he’s still got a reputation to uphold.

[astraea802]

IFD 2023 - Crossover and Fusion Fic Recs

Look. It would be tacky to recommend my own crossover fic. So I'm not gonna do that. But here are some current faves in that arena, from multiple fandoms (all of these are from AO3, though if I had time I would dig for some old FF.Net ones)

The End of Magic (Avalon High/BBC Merlin) Where Allie is the Lady of the Lake as she was in the book, while Miles is still Merlin and still in love with said Lady of the Lake. Ending’s a bit sad, but there are so few Avalon High fics, let alone Merlin crossovers, so I had to rep.

every breath, every hour has come to this (Avalon High/BBC Merlin) Merlin never reincarnated in Miles, but Arthur reincarnated into Allie. Merlin finally finds Arthur after all this time, and gets a bit of a shock. Merthur.

if you ever did believe (Ted Lasso/Practical Magic fusion) Rebecca is a witch cursed to either die of a broken heart or become consumed with bitterness. After Rupert betrays her, she's leaning towards bitterness... but a spell cast in her youth may come back to change all that. Lots of interesting departures from the Practical Magic plot specifics while still capturing the magical feel. Also, even funnier since Hannah Waddingham has played a witch more than once. Also Ted/Rebecca centric, which is just adorable.

The Schneiders of Stars Hollow (Marvelous Mrs. Maisel/Gilmore Girls) "Jess is tasked with taking a delivery order to 36 Maple, where a nice old couple from New York spend a few months out of the year. It turns out that the Schneiders are...not quite who Jess thinks they are." (Or: Lenny Bruce marries Midge instead of dying of an overdose in the 60s. Marital bliss and a name change ensues). I just love this idea so much. I'm not even much of a Midge/Lenny shipper, but the idea of them as an old couple wintering in Stars Hollow and snarking at the goings-on is just too good. Also highly recommend checking out the author's tumblr ( @wonderlandleighleigh) , she sometimes posts drabble fics in this universe and they are, in a word, marvelous!

Bright (Agents of Shield/Stardust fusion) Fitzsimmons as Yvaine and Tristan respectively are so cute, while also flipping gender roles for fun. I'm just happy to see the Stardust film referenced, even if it has to be in the form of fusions like this. Also features Steggy as Jemma's parents, which *yes*.

Harry Potter: The Legends Reborn (Harry Potter/BBC Merlin) What if Harry and Draco were the reincarnations of Merlin and Arthur? How do sworn enemies reconcile with their pasts as close friends? How does Harry reconcile his incredible abilities as Merlin while trying to hide out as a typical (if famous) Hogwarts student? Features some surprising reincarnations and fascinating character parallels. Only drawback is the author is more familiar with the movies than the books in a few places, but overall good stuff. (note: platonic Merthur/Drarry, not shipping)

Guardian Tadashi AU (Lighting Candles and A Friend in the Dark) (Rise of the Guardians/Big Hero 6) Gets a little angsty at times, what with Tadashi dealing with existential crisis after existential crisis now that he's a magical spirit whose brother can't see him, but overall hopeful and beautiful. Really fleshes out Tadashi as his own chaarcter beyond the saintly older brother, and the banter and imagery are pretty amazing.

Don't be shocked when your hist'ry book mentions me (Sleepy Hollow(TV)/Hamilton) Alexander Hamilton wakes up in modern day Sleepy Hollow. Ichabod and Abbie are there to help.

In a pub, briefly (Outlander/Captain America MCU) I just love the idea of Peggy Carter and Claire as friends during World War II. Sue me.

Henry Tilney and Mr. Norrell (Northanger Abbey/Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell) Henry Tilney is the second magician in England, but his magics are more based in his mothers homemaking spells than anything big and flashy, so it's lovingly feminist in its way. Also, Catherine is just so into it.I really wish the author had gone a bit farther with this one, but what's there is quite lovely.

My Heart Don't Wish to Roam> (Captain America/Merlin/Doctor Who) This series of Steggy AU one-shots includes a couple of different fusion ideas, which I enjoy.

[morningstargirl666]

Tagged by @garglyswoof and @purplesigebert. I honestly don’t rewatch films as much nowadays, since I just watch a LOT of films in general and don’t have any remaining time to rewatch stuff as well. But I do have a load of comfort movies I think, so here we go.

Top 10 Comfort Movies (in no particular order)

1. Ever After (1998) Because Gabby made an excellent point, that movie is amazing, it’s pretty historically accurate and has some good moral life lessons thrown in. Cinderella movies, just in general, are a comfort movie for me, and I went through a phase when I was younger of just watching every variation ever made (even the shitty versions, much to my horror).

2. A Cinderella Story (2004) Again, it’s a cinderella movie, and an iconic one at that. I’m a secret romantic at heart.

3. Deathnote (2017) Yes I realise this was generally hated by all. But this was my first introduction to Death Note (I binge watched the anime series straight after don’t worry) and whatever your grievances for this movie, William Dafoe is brilliant at whatever he does, and playing Ryuk is no different. For a live action adaptation, I thought the design of Ryuk was pretty spot on and beautifully terrifying, and although the storyline crosses over into cheesy American, it’s easy to watch. Which is why it ended up as a comfort movie for me while I was taking my GCSEs - I often put it on in the background while working on my art coursework.

4. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Here’s the thing guys - disaster movies are my comfort movies. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the bitter, Gen-Z in me, but I enjoy watching the world descend into chaos and destruction. They’re easy to watch, the good guys often prevail against the ruthless attack of nature herself in the end, and idk, I like seeing a little death, a little fire. I’m just made different. Sometimes the shittier the disaster movie the better, so I’m talking things like Greenland (2020), Geostorm (2017) etc. That being said, zombie movies also fall into this category, just love all kinds.

5. White House Down (2013) Along the similar vein as disaster movies, I love the-government-is-under-attack movies, so the Olympus Has Fallen (2013) trilogy too. Just something about very American, cheesy action movies that are just easy to watch, require no brain power, and are just a fun ride.

6. Don’t Look Up (2021) Did I mention disaster movies are my jam? This one is pretty political, but I’m British, so I think I also enjoyed it so much because I can just sit to the side, eating my popcorn, and watch as the shitshow enfolds like the chaos gremlin I am, with no true existential crisis about how doomed my country is. 

7. Inglorious Basterds (2009) Quentin Tarantino is an amazing filmmaker on a whole, and although gory, brutal and - let’s face it - a little crazy, his movies are always a blast to watch. And you get to see the characters kill a load of Nazis, inlcuding Hitler, so it’s a win win.

8. Love Actually (2003) Felt obligated to put another rom-com on here because I can be a normal person and watch rom-coms for comfort (I promise). It’s also a christmas movie, so like will only watch it around December, but eh, still counts.

9. The Impossible (2012) Another disaster movie, but it’s a true story this time, and I’ve re-watched this one a lot. It’s sad and angsty yes, but there’s something hopeful about the family reuniting after such a traumatic event, and how humanity comes together in crisis to help each other.

10. The Batman (2022) Maybe it’s become a comfort movie because I’ve rewatched it so many times for my dissertation but I really love this film, and I can’t get enough of it. I just love every aspect about it. And will get a craving where I’m like ‘I need to watch The Batman again’. And so I do.

Lol and that’s it. I will say I tend to watch Friends now if I want something on in the background, or just something to cheer me up. That’s my all-time piece of comfort media I tend to watch. Otherwise, these also work. And I love them all.

[spectre-writes]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

Thank you! Um... now I actually have to think...

Low Profile

My first trigun fic (written while stampede was still airing) so I've got a lot of fondness for this one. Basically Vash getting himself into trouble sneaking off to help a town's plant and the gang coming to the rescue, which is a fun little premise, and Wolfwood being all angsty about it.

Sometimes it's not only glass

My second trigun fic lol, but I enjoy putting Vash through the wringer, and it also gave me a little more confidence writing from his pov. Just, you know, thinking about July and what particular triggers it could leave him with.

Gaining ground

Ah Overwatch... my biggest obsession for seven whole years. I'm still sad how the game's been treated (and not please with Blizz as a whole). But man does it have some interesting characters. And, look, I know Junkrat is always played as a joke in canon, but the guy grew up in a nuclear wasteland and has zero clue how to function in regular society. He's twenty-five, he never learned the morals we take for granted, he's dysfunctional, paranoid, obnoxious, he wants friends but has no idea how to make them, I want to study him like a bug?

So yeah I wrote about him joining Overwatch and D.Va and Lucio realizing he's around their age and inviting him to play video games? And him somehow having to navigate all of that and figure out what it is he wants?

It's my longest fic, and I have a bunch of side-fics for it too from other character's povs. Just... very fond of this fic/series as a whole, and I do want to finish it eventually.

No face but my own

Borderlands is such a comfort game series to me. I poured a lot into this fic, but sadly it never got much attention (which I think is probably largely to do with the fact it's a gen fic following a dlc character for an older game).

At the time, I was going through a bout of depression, and I hadn't written for a long time. Was feeling like maybe writing just wasn't something I had the ability to do anymore. But, I started writing this one as little snippets. Just a few unconnected paragraphs for scenes. And slowly it began to grow.

Timothy Lawrence is like... a mess. Like, such a mess. But that was what resonated with me, and honestly pouring out the sense of stagnation and listlessness and the lack of control over your own life, the bitterness and self-loathing, not wanting to die but not feeling like you're living either, losing touch with a craft that had used to be special to you...

Putting all of that to paper was cathartic. I mean, I never had full body plastic surgery, got disfigured by my boss and then trapped on a casino full of people trying to kill me for seven years, but it's more about the emotions? This fic was kinda personal so I'm sentimental over it.

A Different Number

I'll be real with you... Detroit: Become Human is not a good game. It's even a problematic game. But I'm an absolute sucker for androids?

RK900 doesn't really exist as a character (he gets a few seconds screen time in one route ending) but the general fandom interpretation of him is as this cool, big bad Conner who's meaner and more cold/logical than his predecessor. But I figured... let's make him a little ridiculous.

He wasn't around for the uprising, history has already happened and he's the most advanced model ever made but no one needs him, and every single human keeps mistaking him for Connor. He's got massive feelings of inadequacy comparing all he's done (nothing) to all the other androids have done, and the fact he's always in someone else's shadow, paired with a massive ego from being 'better' than them (which he clings to cos it's all he has that's noteworthy).

He's petty and immature and he carries a potted plant around with him to murder scenes because he can't let his coworker assassinate it but can't let him win by leaving it at home. It's just a really fun personality to write?

[hoewkeye]

a common mistake.

Pairing || John Murphy x fem!Reader, Bellamy Blake x fem!Reader if you squint

Summary || Reader can’t stand murphy, but a few mistakes led her to end up in his tent. Later on, she has to deal with the consequences, realizing she made a lot more mistakes than she previously thought.

Warnings || NSFW, mentions of rough sex, oral sex, humiliation kink, choking - sex choke and death choke, angsty, non-graphic suicide.

Word count || 3,346

Notes || I started writing this when I first started watching “The 100” and got completely obsessed with the characters, especially Murphy. Psycho boys are just my kind of deal. It was supposed to be smutty kinky-ass kind of shit but it turned into something more angsty and some kind of rewrite which was pretty fun. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Maybe there’ll be more parts…?

————

Murphy was bitter, but tasted so sweet in your mouth.

He was bad news, the kind of person most people run away from. And yet there you were, kneeling before him, praising him like a god. And just four days have passed since you first met, four days since you’ve started to despise him.

John Murphy was kind of psychotic, indeed, but after a heated conversation, fulfilled with hatred, his mouth was on yours. And that was the first mistake made.

“I just want you to shut up!”, is what you screamed before he grabbed your face and smashed your lips together. And it felt way more good than it should’ve. That was the second mistake.

You blushed, he smirked and walked away, still trying to control the little shake of his hands- out of anger or desire, he couldn’t tell.

The third mistake happened the next morning, while working on the camp; your eyes looked for him, and you stared. The realization of how charming he was hit you like a punch, and the fourth mistake came right after: two can play this game, you thought.

The fifth mistake, you reached out for him.

The sixth, you provoked him.

The seventh, eighth, and ninth were made in his tent.

And the tenth mistake, the worst of them all, is that you came back. More than once.

And there you were, once again, taking him in your mouth as he grabbed your hair, pulling and pushing it without thinking twice about hurting you. He didn’t care, and that was the main reason you came back; he fucked you rough like no one else ever did before. His anger, his despise and cockiness were still there while fucking your mouth, making you gag on his dick.

And you absolutely loved the feeling. Because your anger and despise were still there as well, and the idea of having such control over him, the man you hated, as he had on you- was out of this world. Because he was, indeed, at your mercy; groaning, sweating, demanding and, deep down, pleading.

You had Murphy in despair. Trying to bury himself so deep inside you, miserably trying to keep you close, closer. Always closer. Always grabbing, always pulling. Never was enough, and this feeling created frustration. And with the frustration, he would take himself out of your mouth and fuck you out of your senses.

Sometimes literally. He would be so focused, thrusting angrily, grabbing your waist or throat with all the strength he had left, kissing you roughly, biting, sucking, marking. You’d cum three, four times before he could; and he would cum on your breasts, face, wherever made him satisfied; because humiliating you was a pleasure for him. And being humiliated by him was a pleasure for you.

Tenth mistakes brought you here, but you couldn’t care less as you dressed yourself up to go back to your tent. Now you’d have a nice night of sleep, a thing you did never have after growing up.

————

Two days later, you realized the number of mistakes you made was above the ten you initially thought.

“Come on, this is ridiculous. I don’t have to answer to you, I don’t have to answer to anyone!” you heard Murphy’s voice amongst some chattering as you approached, confused, seeing him and Clarke arguing.

“What happened?”, you asked no one in particular, not really worried since Murphy was always getting into fights with, well, everyone in camp.

“Murphy killed Wells”, a girl by your side whispered, clearly amused by what was happening.

Your body froze as you looked up to Murphy, searching for something in his face that would tell you he didn’t. You didn’t know what had happened and certainly it was all a misunderstanding but, again, it was Murphy they were talking about. And you wouldn’t doubt for a second Murphy would kill someone given the right reasons.

You sighed anxiously as you realized you really cared. And you got scared about what they would do to him if it was true.

You watched silently as the dark haired boy approached Bellamy, seemingly worried “Bellamy. Look, I’m telling you, man- I didn’t do this.” And you wanted to believe him, you really wanted to, but you couldn’t take sides without knowing anything.

“They found his fingers on the ground with your knife.”

That damn knife. Murphy loved that thing — and you knew that for sure. How could he deny now?

John went quiet. How could he defend himself? Everyone remembered all the times he threatened Wells and how much he hated him. The Hundred knew that Murphy was a menace, everyone was careful around him, everyone was scared of him, but now you knew he was the one in danger.

“Is this the kind of society that we want?”, Clarke blurted for everyone to hear. “You say there should be no rules. Does that mean we can kill each other without punishment?”

“I already told you, I didn’t kill anyone!” Murphy insisted, stepping forward to try and convince Clarke. Your beliefs got split in two, because, yeah, Murphy could easily kill someone, but you felt honesty in his voice.

Could he be honest?

“I say we float him!”, someone in the crowd screamed, followed by a bunch of “Yeah!”

“What? No!”, you finally spoke, wary, but your voice was muffled by everyone else’s.

Murphy stopped on his feet and, for the first time since you’ve met him, you watched as his face twisted in fear. Your heart missed a beat and you tried to make your way through the people; after all, you knew how quickly things would escalate. The Hundred were a bunch of teenagers filled with hatred and they were dying to get it out by hurting someone.

Clarke looked scared too, “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Why not? He deserves to float. It’s justice”, someone said.

“Revenge isn’t justice!”

“It is justice. Float him!”

And everyone started to chant, “Float him! Float him! Float him!”

As you finally made your way to the middle, Murphy glared at you for a few seconds and then tried to run, just to be punched in the stomach and fall on the dirt, where everyone soon started to kick him and hit him. You were really close to him but all the people around the boy, punching him and spitting in his face, didn’t let you get closer. Most of them were men, enjoying themselves as they made John Murphy bleed.

“No! No!”, you yelled, anxious, trying to push everyone away from him. “Get off him!”, you pleaded, but nobody was listening.

“Get off me!” you heard him screaming between punches. “I told you, I didn’t do anything!” And he kept repeating those words over and over again, which made you fall apart inside. You believed him and it felt like those punches were affecting you directly, grabbing your throat and making you run out of air.

Stop hurting him. Please.

“Get off him!”, some of them grabbed him in the air and started walking towards the forest. You followed, worried sick, trying to get in their way to do something, anything to stop them from what you knew would end up in a death.

What happened next was terrifying; you watched, horrified, as they put a rope around Murphy’s neck and started some kind of gallows. You ran towards Bellamy, who was the only one that could help by making them hear, grabbed his arm and cried out: “Do something. Stop this, Bellamy! Please.”

His eyes studied your face, apologetic, but he never got to answer because someone in the crowd suggested: “Bellamy, you should do this!” and everyone screamed in approval, chanting his name. Your eyes looked for Clarke, internally pleading for her to do something.

“I saw you in the woods with Atom. I know you’re not a killer”, she protested, trying to put some sense in Bellamy’s head.

“Bellamy, don’t do this. Don’t do this”, you pleaded, but he wasn’t even looking at you nor Clarke anymore. He was listening to the people. “Bellamy, please…”

“I didn’t do this. Listen to me”, you heard Murphy’s muffled voice and turned around to look at him right before Bellamy hung him. The air escaped your lungs as you felt like screaming again, quickly trying to approach the tree to cut the rope.

Bellamy pulled you back, grabbing your arm firmly and making you stay put. “What the hell are you doing? Cut him down!”, you yelled, trying to push him away from you. “Let me go! Let me go!” you squeaked, but he didn’t move. You heard Murphy wheezing painfully, which made your blood boil.

“Get the hell outta my way! Cut him down!” you overheard Finn’s voice somewhere, but soon you couldn’t hear a thing because everyone was screaming and laughing or asking to cut the rope.

Suddenly, a child’s voice spoke, “Just stop, okay?” It was Charlotte, and some people paid attention, “Murphy didn’t kill Wells! I did!”

“Oh, my God”, you shoved Bellamy off, grabbing an axe and speeding to cut the rope, making Murphy fall. You dropped on your knees by his side, helping him by taking the rope off his neck. “Hey, hey! Breathe. You’re fine. You’re fine.” He took his hands to his neck, eyes widened, afraid, and kept trying to breathe. “You’re okay.”

————

“Bring out the girl, Bellamy!”

After Murphy calmed down and was relatively good, he started some kind of revolution against Charlotte. Bellamy, Clarke and Finn entered a tent with the girl and stayed inside for almost thirty minutes, which was pissing Murphy off.

“Come on, Murphy…”

“Bring the girl out now!”, he interrupted you and you sighed in frustration, walking towards him.

“Murphy!”, you called but he didn’t even look at you. “John, please, listen to me”, he finally did. His eyes scanned your face, trying to understand if you were by his side or not. “She’s just a kid, you can’t just kill her—”

Of course you weren’t, he thought.

“I’m gonna stop you right there, princess”, he growled, jaw clenched. “I do not care how young that bitch is, she almost got me killed for nothing and I will kill her”, and then turned back to the tent, screaming to Clarke. “You wanna build a society, Clarke? Let’s build a society. Bring her out!”

Bellamy left the tent apprehensively and Murphy stepped out to talk to him, you stayed by Octavia’s side and couldn’t hear a thing. Your hands were cold, your lips trembling and the rest of your body felt numb. A thousand thoughts and feelings were running through your mind and body but you couldn’t put any of them in place. All you knew was that the whole situation wouldn’t end well, and you were afraid.

Everytime you blinked you saw Murphy again, hanging on that tree, gasping for air, scared to death, pleading and repeating that he did nothing. Your heart was still aching for that.

But now… now he wanted to kill a child. And everything felt off, wrong. How could you ever worry about him?

“So who here wants to see the real murderer hung up? All in favor?”, he blurted back to the crowd, out of the blue. You glared at the people behind you, getting frightened when you saw some of the people raising their hands. Fortunately, there weren’t many. “I see… so it’s okay to string me up for nothing but when this little bitch confesses, you wanna let her walk?” Silence followed. “Cowards! All of you—”

“Hey, Murphy. Murphy”, Bellamy insisted. “It’s over.”

One more time, Murphy looked at the crowd. His eyes tracked you down and he shook his head slightly, almost as if he was disappointed with you. For what?, you thought, For not wanting a little girl to die?

“Whatever you say, boss”, he said at last. You sighed in relief and were about to get out of there when Bellamy turned his back and John simply hit his head, knocking him off.

“You son of a bitch!”, Octavia tried to jump on him but Jasper held her back.

You stepped forward, pushing Murphy angrily, “You asshole!”

John looked down at you coldly, and then proceeded to ignore you once again: “Come on, everyone, let’s get the girl.”

Him and his army left you there amongst other people and you kneeled by Bellamy’s side, checking if he was okay. Jasper and Octavia were soon with you, waiting for him to wake up.

————

“Bellamy, stop!”

After Bellamy woke up, you asked to help him look for Charlotte with him, which he accepted. At some point, after several minutes of uncomfortable silence, you both decided it was better if you split up and so you did. Then, when you heard Clarke’s scream, you sprinted towards the sound where you found Bellamy and Charlotte by the border of a cliff, Murphy and his gang right in front of them and Clarke and Finn not so far.

“Wait! This has gone too far”, you tried to reason, walking towards Murphy. “Just calm down. Let’s talk about this”, you asked, wanting to make him listen. You felt like if he wouldn’t listen to you, he wouldn’t listen to anybody else.

Silly you.

“Come here”, he blurted, pulling you by your arm and putting his knife on your throat while holding you still. Your legs trembled as your heart sunk in your chest, a fight against your own tears starting to grow inside you. “I am sick of listening to you talk.”

“Let her go”, Bellamy demanded and Clarke tried to approach.

Murphy pressed the knife against your skin in response, “Back off! I will slit her throat.”

How could he?, you thought to yourself.

I couldn’t, he thought right after saying the words.

I am a dead weight for him, and then all you wanted to do was cry. By realizing your mistakes, by realizing you had fallen for him, by realizing that you cared. You wanted to cry because a child was being threatened, you wanted to cry because she killed Wells, you wanted to cry because Murphy almost died.

And you wanted to cry because he didn’t care about you to the point he would slit your throat.

“No, please. Please, don’t hurt her”, Charlotte cried, her shoulders hunched and her eyes watery. The kid was completely freaked out and you hated Murphy for that.

“Don’t hurt her?”, John pretended to think about it. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You come with me now, I will let her go.”

“Don’t do it, Charlotte”, you protested. Murphy pressed the knife again.

“No, I have to!” tears kept running down Charlotte’s face and she sobbed sorrowfully. “I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did”, and then she stepped out off the cliff.

Murphy’s hands on your body loosened but you couldn’t move. A chill ran down your spine and you felt like you couldn’t stand anymore, falling to the ground while hearing Bellamy’s and Clarke’s screams. Your feelings went numb, almost as if you were drunk, and everything became a blur.

A child. Dead.

Suicide.

“Bellamy, stop! You’ll kill him!”, you heard Clarke and you knew Bellamy was beating the hell out of Murphy, but you couldn’t even process it. Everything happened so fast and you felt like zooming in and out.

Only when Bellamy said, “Get off me! He deserves to die”, you came back, standing up and helping Finn to take him off Murphy.

“No!”, you said, harder than you ever did in your life. “No! No one else will die today. We don’t decide who lives and dies. Not down here.”

Clarke agreed, “If we’re gonna survive down here we can’t just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules.”

“And who makes those rules, huh? You?”, Bellamy mocked the blonde. You looked at Murphy, your heart breaking once again as you saw him lying there, his face red with blood and his neck still bruised.

He was scared, you finally realized, Murphy was scared. He wouldn’t hurt me, he wouldn’t hurt…

You cared so much, but everything was wrong. Everything.

“For now, we make the rules. Okay?” you heard Clarke’s voice, not knowing if that involved you, probably not, but you couldn’t care less. Your mind was already somewhere else.

“So what, then? We just take him back and pretend like it never happened?”

“No. We banish him.”

You wished you could do something. Tell them not to do that, promise them you could fix things. You wished Wells wasn’t dead, you wished that Murphy’s knife was never found, that Clarke had never accused him or that the Hundred had never hung him. You wished for a lot of things, but there was nothing you could do. It is only fair.

You understood John Murphy, you understood his reasons, his anger, his fear. But a child had died, and that was a mistake nobody in camp would forgive. Bellamy wouldn’t, Clarke wouldn’t.

You? You would. You would forgive him because you understood Murphy would never kill that child, you would forgive him because you knew that he acted out of fear and anger after being hung for nothing. You would forgive him because you knew Murphy was a big bad wolf, but he still wasn’t a killer.

Still.

What can he become out there?

A dead man walking, surrounded by grounders.

“As for the four of you, you can come back and follow me or go off with him to die. Your choice”, Bellamy said to Murphy’s gang. All of them agreed and walked back to camp, one by one, leaving Murphy alone, beaten and broken.

Bellamy was the last one to leave, looking back at you when you didn’t move a muscle, “What are you doing?”

“I’ll catch you up”, you mumbled and he nodded before disappearing into the dark.

“What do you want?”, Murphy’s voice resonated as you were left alone. “If you’re looking for an apology, you might as well just go. I did what I had to do to defend myself.”

“You were not going to hurt me”, you stated, even though your legs were still trembling, trying to process everything that happened. “And just so you know, Murphy… I don’t hate you. At all. At some point, when we first met, I did. At some point today, I did”, he looked confused about your words. “But now… I don’t. I understand why you did what you did, even though I don’t agree with it.”

“Cut the bullshit, princess. What do you want? I don’t wanna hear how you fucking feel about me and my actions. Hate me, love me, whatever, I don’t care. Stop wasting your time trying to get my sympathy, you won’t get it”, his words cut like knives. You took a deep breath, trying to not get affected, and kneeled in front of him — who was kneeled as well — so your faces could be close.

“I care about you, Murphy.”

“You didn’t let them hang me, love, but you sent me to death anyways. How is this caring?”

“Things would never work out in camp.”

“Fine. Then leave.”

Your cold hands touched his face and he shrinked, hissing under his breath in pain, and his eyes flickered, fighting against himself not to close them by your soft caress. You then touched his hair and tilted your head a little so you could kiss his forehead.

“May we meet again, Murphy.”

And then you left with your heart breaking into a million pieces inside your chest. You left wishing you could’ve gone with him. You left knowing he would die, and that was a pain you couldn’t put in place.

Bellamy was waiting for you not so far from where Murphy was and you passed by him quietly. Of course, his curiosity got the best of him, “What was that about?”

“I made a few mistakes.”

[heshoes]

Mo's Masterlist 👹

Hello! So I've been on tumblr for years and literally am just now posting my work, but better late than never. I do love love LOVE writing Harry as he is generally the main, character love interest etc in my fanfics just like he is in real life. I'll post things here like Drabble of fics that I post (if you'd like), old one shots that I've posted on my wattpad (I'm polisson on wattpad by the way) and some ideas that you guys give if any? Please do not translate my fics please do reblog and share if you like them. Please do enjoy message me send anons whatever you want to do to let me know you're invested. Tah tah now whores, enjoy xx

If you see [xxx] there's smut involved read at your own risk

⚠️I will also give you trigger warnings as a lot of my shit do be angsty sometimes.

Let's dive in.

AU fics

Uni Daze [long fic]  [xxx] College Student!Harry  (This was written in 2014 so please keep that in mind when you read)

She was his best friend and they shared everything together already anyway. What difference would it make if it were a hat, shampoo, or the same bed sometimes?So what.That's what the Uni Daze were about, having fun, traditions, getting serious, new relationships, friendships, heart ache, break-ups, make ups, secrets, the occasional/casual bajingo here and there, and possibly, just maybe, finding the love of your life and hoping that it all works out.

Virgin Skin  [xxx] Tattoo Artist!Harry (Split Tongue!Harry)

“Oh he took a liking to you cause of your virgin skin, but the serpent didn’t know you’d committed mortal sin.” In which you hope to start a clean slate away from where you’d become notorious, but the tattooed adonis and owner of Scarred Styles shows you why sometimes foul play is the best kind.

Verses/Blurbs/One shots

Rooted  [word count 11k] S/M!Harry [xxx]

In which Harry is quite literally the strong silent type and y/n was taught that not speaking when spoken to is impolite. When you run into each other in the most unexpected of places you start to wonder is he just rude or is there something else going on that’s deeply rooted.

Virgin Skin Verse

VS1 [ word count 5.6k] Tattoo artist!Harry (Split Tongue!Harry) [xxx]

When a change of plans means Y/N's friend can't do the tattoo promised, but the cocky owner of the most popular tattoo shop in the city has free time a decision must be made. Do you reschedule your appointment completely, or do you let the arrogant owner of Scarred Styles ink your virgin skin?

 VS2 [ word count 5.3k] Tattoo artist!Harry (Split Tongue!Harry) [xxx]

Two weeks have passed meaning that it’s time for Y/N to return to the tattoo shop so that Harry can finish what he’d initially started, however, something more than just finishing up the tattoo piques your interest. Though Harry is more than willing to accommodate your requests do you allow him to do more or do you save yourself from the potential salacious discomfort that comes with his artistic flare?

VS3 [word count: 6.1k ] Tattoo artist!Harry (split tongue!Harry) [xxx]

It seems that you’ve graduated from Scarred Styles to lHarry’s personal home to finally finish the tattoo that the famed owner and artist stared over 2 weeks ago, however, when it’s all said and done and the permanent ink has settled will your lust for the cocksure owner settle and die down as well?

*********

Twin Telepathy [word count: unknown but short] Twin!Harry ⚠️ Angst Main Character Death.

❝And I never thought it would be true that one day I'd have to live without you.❞ In which a connection started at birth remains strong until the bitter end.

[quietrainfan]

Hey! Anyone want some heavy platonic Loceit angsty headcanons I've extracted from the new episode? Well, too bad because it's happening regardless. :)

Yes, also some Unsympathetic Patton. You know what blog you're on. (This interpretation/headcanon shall not die. Not here.)

(Also, this is going to combine my observations and thoughts as well, so sorry in advance if this post turns out as a bit of a mess.)

Alright, so! Orange Side confirmation. How we feelin', Sanders Sides fandom, how we feelin'?

Honestly, the Orange Side theory wasn't something I was really all that into. It was a 'meh, could be cool' headcanon for me personally. But I have to say the way the reveal was handled made me jump in my seat with pure joy. No joke, I audibly gasped when Logan's eyes flashed orange.

It was all downhill from there, I was excited. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a sucker for character's eyes glowing when they've reached their limit or are displaying a power they've never shown before, combine that with an unexpected reveal and I'm sold.

Plus, glowing eyes have been a common theme with Unsympathetic content and Dark Side headcanons so you could imagine how the first peak into the Orange Side's existence (or, rather confirmation. we all saw the 'hello' hint, Orange, you cheeky little munchkin.) was his color in Logan's eyes made me feel. It was so cool!!! Ah!

Then Thomas had to tease us again at the end card with our boy Orange's eyes popping up in the darkness, waiting for his chance to be too loud to ignore. Like, the audacity. Who do you think you are, Thomas?! (That was a joke. Sorry, I'm just really pumped.)

Also, Remus got quite a few laughs out of me. Ah, I missed him.

Okay, headcanon time! We're going to do Logan first, then Janus, then combine the two. Sound good? Alright, here we go (Trigger Warning for discussions of alcoholism, please if anything I write here sounds insensitive or inaccurate, let me know and I will edit. Also, no need to read if you don't want to. Stay safe.) :

Logan

Logan knew where to grab for that alcohol bottle.

I mean, I guess that makes sense since he lives there and is naturally the most observant Side. But...that bottle's placement was a little too convenient.

Sure it was played up as a joke and it was funny.

But something about the way Logan threw his coffee into the sink and quickly replaced it with the wine stuck out to me.

I've joked about Logan and/or Janus having to "drink to cope" due to sharing the single brain cell Thomas has amongst all the chaos. But seeing that in an actual episode, even as a gag, is kind of...different.

Let me explain.

This may be a common thing for Logan that he struggles with.

He wakes up early to be the first one to help Thomas start the day, naturally. Logan goes to make his cup of coffee and there's always the lingering urge to take a sip of wine before anyone can see because he just...can't face everyone without needing just a little bit of it to cloud out all the gross, petty, negative feelings he experiences every day around them.

He's logic. He can't be drinking and risk any more harm to Thomas's function.

So, it's a constant battle with coffee vs wine, coffee vs wine, coffee vs wine-

Most of the time Logan is able to resist and go with the coffee.

It doesn't make him feel good in the slightest. If anything it makes him feel even worse knowing he'll be more alert that day.

Logan hates that was even a thought at all. He needs to be alert. Otherwise everything will fall apart. He is the rock in the system and without him everything will crumble.

Such a selfish mindset. He needed to focus.

Other days Logan just doesn't have it in him to discard the wine regardless of how much he wants to.

He knows what the day holds for him. It was all so repetitive at this point. Logan knew when he wasn't able to get through it despite it all.

That didn't stop him from shaming himself for caving. He should be able to handle this. He's made so much progress with resisting it up to this point but today he through it away again because he just had to, right?

Sometimes Logan finds himself "cheating" by hiding a couple drops of wine into his coffee on days when he chose the coffee but later felt particularly bad about...a lot of things, into his second cup.

Logan more often times chooses neither. The temptation for clouding out the others was just too strong and was a waste of time.

Logan is beyond tired of the others.

Every single action they have agitates him now. No matter how minor it is.

Roman's loud voice and constant references makes Logan's toes unconsciously curl beneath his shoes. Even a silent warm smile and wave from the prince fills Logan with an unpleasant tingle in his knuckles.

Virgil's neverending foreboding and unnecessary nasty remarks that he doesn't even bother to filter provokes Logan's new habit of biting his tongue. Any kindness he ever gives him makes his stomach twist.

Patton's nicknames, poking for for a laugh, his "sweet" way of shoving away any objection he may have, how casually he behaves as if he isn't part of any problems- how quickly he's prepared to "bounce back". Logan feels like every word, action from him something steps on a guitar cord in the back of his mind that makes the ugliest, loud, screeching sound. He feels this strange warm fuzzy ache he can't define. All he hears is that cord playing faster and faster the longer he stays in their presence. Logan no longer trusts himself alone with Patton.

Logan thinks if he just separates from the others long enough, the ugly strumming noise will go away.

But he's so wrong.

Logan can hear it even when he's all alone. When it's finally silent, he still can't get rid of it.

It's loudest when Logan is alone in his room. Logan has lost count of how many nights he's spent clenching his head, quietly sobbing, and praying for it to just go away already.

Logan often feels like he's losing it.

On nights where the sounds are particularly louder than usual, he swears he can see orange shadows creeping around him, lights of the color flashing on and off, he sometimes even sees it seeping in and out of the cracks of his door like a thick fog. At times he'll even wake to it glowing absurdly bright through his window.

It's just the sunrise. Logan tells himself. He has to believe that. Everything else looked normal, after all.

What's worse is Logan doesn't know how long he's been hearing this sound or seeing the strange lights.

Patton knows about Logan's late night and early morning struggles.

But surprise, surprise, he pretends as if he's nonthewiser.

If either Virgil or Roman asks about Logan, Patton will answer: "Oh, that silly billy's probably got his head in one of his astronomy books again! I wouldn't bother him right now."

Knowing full well he's having an emotional breakdown in his room that gets worse every day.

Knowing about the little sneaks of alcohol in his hot morning beverage. Might even speak about yummy drink combinations when they hang out in the living room, while Logan is present, specifically and even only on the days Patton knows he's cheating with his bad habit, while he's still drinking it.

The further Logan is to the edge, the better. Patton is still bitter about the events of Redux ending in his favor, after all. He needs leverage from somewhere.

When Thomas left to see Nico, Logan heard the cord again. His chest tightened and though he could feel the tears welling up, he kept them down.

Thomas hasn't been very happy lately. He had to let him have this.

No matter how loud those cords get.

Janus

I noticed that Janus was either unseen by the others or unacknowledged by them.

Janus was near all of them but far enough that he was separated.

He could've just popped up at the end without them noticing but...that's less angsty therefore less fun so-

Janus has been the instigator for bringing Sides that have been hidden away to be brought to light for a long time. If the assumption that Janus let Remus out is true.

He's always been hinting at upcoming events that are sure to come if Thomas continues to ignore certain aspects of himself.

He knows. He knows our Orange boy is getting worse and soon will be too loud to ignore. Janus wants to protect Thomas but that's becoming harder every day. Thomas is making it harder.

Janus will reveal the Orange Side eventually. And very soon. Hell, that's looking like less and less of a choice considering Logan's...outburst.

I think Janus has this painful awareness that he can be seriously hated for doing his job. After all, he's always the one who's forced them to acknowledge uncomfortable truths about Thomas.

He's the one giving them all of those hard pills to swallow and especially after Remus, it is definitely overwhelming and exhausting to be met with.

They question their roles more and more because of how used they are to the fixed mindset Thomas has had for such a long time.

That can't feel good.

Janus knows that his job may cause more hatred to fester the more that's revealed.

Janus is being kept at arms length and he knows that won't stop any time soon.

But he's a clever snake. That won't keep him from keeping an eye on Patton.

(Find it real suspicious that Patton was all mushy with Janus in that end card but still is at a big distance from him.)

Loceit

Janus will sometimes find Logan in the common room with his head in his arms, sprawled out against the coffee table. His glasses being discarded from half his face, unmistakable tears lazily dripping out of his lifeless eyes.

Janus would wordlessly go to the sink and grab a glass, filling it with water.

Janus goes over to Logan, giving him a gentle rub on the back. He urges him to sit up. It takes Logan a few minutes but eventually does.

Janus hands Logan the water, supporting the back of his neck as struggles to get it down, reminding him to take his time.

Janus takes his glasses and gently sets them on the table. He hands Logan some tissues.

Logan lifelessly takes them and tries to clean his face. But he always ends up crying into them.

Janus moves Logan unkempt bangs from his face before moving his head to his shoulder. Janus manifests a warm blanket over Logan and uses a bit of his abilities to soothe the shorter man's pain, tenderly putting pressure on his neck.

Janus and Logan have a talk. Logan always asks why he bothers to stop and comfort him.

"You've helped me through a lot, Logan. Not returning the favor is out of the question."

That was always his answer.

Janus and Logan do this often.

Janus opens up about sometimes needing a bit of a drink himself from time to time. Though mostly that consists of tea more often than not, he sometimes has a glass of wine or two to relax on days when it's particularly hard.

He feels ashamed of it. Janus has to be the strongest out of everyone, especially the Dark Sides. Allowing things to faze him was the worst case scenario. At least, to that degree.

But Janus understands that isn't his fault and urges Logan not to blame himself, either. While he hated that weakness he occasionally submitted to, he wasn't going to let the rare slip up to define the worth of his role.

Logan thinks that Janus really is the strongest out of all of them just for saying things like that and he's being too hard on himself.

On nights when things become too much Janus will sit with Logan and share a drink. They try to have as many conversations without wine as possible but sometimes Janus says "screw it" and sits with Logan with one or two drinks.

Just having Janus there helps Logan choose his coffee in the mornings and feel as if he's being heard even a little bit.

Now if only those cords could actually quiet down, that'd be even better.

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (mostly Naruto cause I read too many good fics in the fandom and now I'm in hell)

[Naruto]

Spirit-Touched by phooykazooi

Once upon a time, the Haruno clan were priests. It was said that they were spirit-touched, and that they walked among the downtrodden and the poor, and did not bow to royalty.

Or, an AU in which Sakura can see spirits.

Part 1 of The Realms Between

(Really, and I mean REALLY fantastic Shikamaru & Sakura friendship! Fantastic, beautiful writing, and such good worldbuilding, god, and the Haruno family is so badass!! Sakura and everything she does makes me want to scream!! Please read!)

Final Evaluation by Do_the_Cool_Whip

Progress evaluations are one-on-one consultation meetings between academy students and their teacher. Their purpose is to inform academy students of their strengths and weaknesses and guide them down their ideal path to becoming a strong shinobi. Upon graduating the academy and passing their jounin-sensei test, new genin return to the academy for one final consultation. (Or: The story of what happens when Umino Iruka uses his final meetings with his students as way to send them off to become the best shinobi they can possibly be.)

(Iruka! Is! The! Best! Teacher! Ever! End of story!!! Great interpretation of all the characters and their capabilities and I am so so excited for the sequel that will undoubtedly come! XD)

Celestial Bodies by Oceanbreeze7

Sasuke looked at the fire, eyes glowing red as the mutated corrupted seal on his throat. "Amaterasu blessed me. I see things. Like you with two normal eyes and the Hokage. And Sakura with a seal on her forehead. And I run Chidori through Naruto's heart. I keep trying to kill him. Over and over. And that knuckleheaded idiot never gives up.”

(Don't you get it? I saw it. The moon will bleed, the nations will die. The world is going to end.)

Part 1 of Celestial Bodies and Anomalies

(I swear, this fic freaking elevated my expectations on Sasuke-centric fics in general holy hell. Also, read the fucking sequel after this cause EVERYTHING GOES NUTS AND THE PLOT GOES OFF AND I'M HERE FOR THIS SHIT. Fucking Uchihas man. Also, you wouldn't think this series is funny, but it is, and it's amazing.)

A step to the left (and right off the cliff) by weavingBlue

Team Seven starts off on a different foot and Sasuke's canonical journey to get stronger goes off the rails a bit. It all works out though. Probably.

(This fic went in a direction I didn't expect and it's GLORIOUS. SO FUNNY, I honestly was dying while I was reading this. Please give this a chance!!)

promises by BombsAreForBabies

It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all.

(Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him.

Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun.

Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.)

(Listen LISTEN I know this sounds depressing but the relationship developments and slow healing is EVERYTHING and I think it's absolutely worth it to read this. Sakura's characterization is so good and Kakashi makes me want to hug him. A lot.)

Fang Under Fang by Vroomian

"Are we sure he's really an Inuzuka?"

(The answer is no.)

-

Someone reborn as Inuzuka Kiba not only has to deal with bullshit ninja magic, but soulmates being A Thing.

(Really good self-insert fic and its platonic soulmates, not romantic! I am always here for a good Kiba-centric fic and I won't say who the soulmate is. It's unexpected but so, so good! Trust me!)

Haunt The Lonely by Tht0neGal666

(Series where Sakura can see ghosts and the Things she gets up to due to this ability. The fics are short but man, you can already see the shifting differences in Team 7's dynamics, it's great!)

Perception by Ellie_Enchanted

Naruto can sense auras, which throws everything off it's balance. Because really, with someone as open as Naruto running around and peering into the depths of people's souls, something is bound to change. In other words, sometimes all that's needed is a push. Also, Sasuke apparently glows.

(Naruto the empath changing the plot and making it Better and I am loving it!)

Crossfire by DejaVu22

Following the events of Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke never makes it to Orochimaru's hideout. Instead, he is waylaid by a one-eyed man named Tobi, a man possessing a Sharingan, a terrifying dual personality, a penchant for always being late, and a single-minded mission to stop the Akatsuki in their tracks. When Sasuke runs into Naruto again years later, he must ally with his old teammate in order to protect him from the Akatsuki, while keeping him out of the two man war Tobi and Sasuke have started against the dangerous organization.

(I honest to god can't stop cackling when I read this, the Sasuke & Obito dynamic is so freaking chaotic and Sasuke's characterization is the best thing I've ever read. This boi is a mEsS and I'm fucking rooting for him. He cares so much! There's secret identity shenanigans happening on sasuke's end and it's HILARIOUS! This is the duo I never thought I needed but here it is! *cackles insanely*)

-

[Diamond no Ace]

Echo in His Hands by SportRayne (rayningnight)

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

What does it mean, when you remember snapshots of your own future?

Is it your future at all, if you change it?

Would you even want to change it?

(Look I am WEAK for BAMF Eijun and time travel fics and Miyuki being a tanuki bastard, okay? Time travel fic where Eijun gets feelings of people he knew before in the future. Really good so far and am so excited over this fic!)

The path we walk by WindsOfTime

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

Eijun goggles at the magazine she just shoved into his hands. "W-Wakana!" "I know!" she says, beaming. "That's my soulmate!!" "I know!!" "My soulmate plays baseball!!"

(Became such an instant fave so fast it's unbelievable. I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH! Best soulmate fic in this fandom, hands down!)

-

[One Piece]

switching places by fireflywitch

Zoro is 21 and wakes up in a desert they already saved, on a ship that they burned two years ago, and standing next to a man who is supposed to be dead. Except, that can’t be right, can it?

Zoro is 19 and wakes up on a ship that’s too big, next to a robot wearing a swimsuit, and he’s supposed to fight something called a Kaido. Also, he’s missing an eye, and no one’s even a little worried about it?

(or)

Time travel is a shitshow, and Zoro didn't sign up for this.

(FUCKING HILARIOUS ZORO IS THE BEST PERSON TO SEND BACK IN TIME CAUSE HE'D BE TERRIBLE YET FANTASTIC AT IT I CAN'T MAN FIEWNOPFEW)

No Time To Crank The Sun by VIKAN

He’s surrounded by strangers, but they’re all trying to convince him otherwise. Or, Zoro faces a mysterious and relentless challenge that he just can’t wrap his head around.

(This ripped my heart open, I cried reading this my god. Please read this, the pain is so worth it and Zoro and his relationship with his crew is so good here. This reminded me why I love the Straw Hats so much!)

-

[Fairy Tail]

to learn about a lucy (with a look into the future.) by るる凪 - nagi (arurun)

A watching the future fanfic.

It's currently X781, three years before canon. A group of Fairy Tail mages find themselves in a large building, with no known way out.

They sit down, and they watch the future.

(This is so much more fun than I thought it would be and I'm so happy I found this fic. This fic reignited my old love for this fandom and I hope it does for you too!)

-

[Harry Potter]

sunflowers by Marnie27

One day, a young girl sits on the edge of a well. On this day, she falls in. Then the next, she’s not even a ‘she’ anymore. He’s Peter Pettigrew — doomed to die at the hands of his (betrayed) friend’s son.

Peter is selfish, bitter and brash. He’s not some fairy tale hero, he doesn’t care if everyone around him dies, as long as he lives. The marauders are annoying and childish. Survival is his priority, and he can’t afford to face distractions.

This just makes the fact that soulmates are now apparently a thing all the more godawful.

(And then another day years later he falls into an entirely new impossibility, Remus Lupin in tow, right into the third book of Harry Potter. Smack bang on the other Peter Pettigrew’s grave).

It’s confusing and graceless, and entirely something that would happen to him of all people.

(Self-insert fic where a girl reincarnates into Peter Pettigrew! And there are soulmates! And it's angsty and hilarious and Peter is an Asshole (somewhat unintentionally lol). Always a fan of biased pov fics and characters slowly improving themselves and their mental health! Cause dying! Is! Traumatic! *smiley face* Please read!)

-

[Crossovers]

he's a killer queen, sunflower, guillotine by hoye

Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter

He has to be the weirdest Hufflepuff Harry’s ever seen. Scratch that, he’s the weirdest Hufflepuff Hogwarts has ever seen.

(One thing everyone could agree on: NEVER call Edward Elric short.)

(This is peak Edward Elric and all the best things about him and I'm just having a Good Time. Friendships! Logical solutions! Marauder screentime! And so much More! *bright grin* It's a fun place here!)

[keorami]

Hiya! This is my Secret Santa gift for @appletiel ! Merry Christmas!

I kinda took a while to figure out what I wanted to write. In the end, this turned out Sapnap-centric even though I've never written him before and didn't mean to. Dream and Quackity do play a big part in it, but they never appear. I realise that's probably not what you were asking for but I still hope you'll like it! Thought I'd write something fluffy for Christmas, but it turned out pretty angsty. Whoops.

A disclaimer: As this is Sapnap-centric, obviously the narration is gonna be hella biased. So it won't reflect my thoughts on the characters at all, okay? If you've seen my other posts, this is probably obvious but just in case.

Alright, let's get a move on already!

Summary: Life goes on, whether Sapnap wants it to or not. He can only reflect on his losses.

~~~~~

It's over, Sapnap thinks. Finally.

Dream has been stopped, for good this time. (He hopes.) After pleading for his last life as Tommy took his first two- how wrong it felt to see the tyrant, the chessmaster so vulnerable- it was decided that he would be imprisoned in Pandora's Vault, a prison of Sam's creation.

He's always the only one left behind. The only one left to pick up the pieces. The only one left that ever cared, it seemed.

It wasn't fair, he thought.

Life isn't fair, he can hear Dream reply. His tone is bitter and condescending. An unusual combination when it came to him.

Even in his own mind he made fun of him. Asshole.

He watches as his former best friend is dragged away to the vault, and hopes that things will turn out better this time.

~~~~~~

He passed by the prison sometimes. A lot, actually. It didn't matter how out of the way it was, as soon as he let his mind wander his feet would take him there. Then he'd snap out of it when he was right at the entrance. Just like this time. He didn't know why he kept doing this.

(He did know. It's because he's a stupid fool that can't let go of things. He never could.)

He looked up at the tall, menacing building looming over him, dread gripping at his heart for some unknown reason. Sure, it did look a little- okay, very scary, but he wasn't the one trapped in there.

Well, he figured Dream deserved the gloomy prison for all the shit he's pulled to everyone. To him. He can endure a few months in there. (Unless you remember the main cell, which Sapnap makes a point to ignore.) It's necessary. It's for the best.

He wondered if he should visit again. His last visit... hadn't gone well. He was still kinda pissed at Dream for not talking to him when he bothered to show up. They were friends goddammit, he could have talked to him! It's not like he would have snitched to Sam anyway! Or was Sapnap not worth wasting his breath? (To this day, he wishes he hadn't made that stupid promise. Dream is too dangerous to be kept alive if he escapes, so it has to be done. But could he do it? Could he kill his former best friend?)

He could try again. Make sure to not fall for Dream's tricks or whatever, but still give him a chance. This prison was supposed to make him better. He trusted Sam to do his job. If only Dream would understand that it was for both his and the sever's own good. Wasn't that the reason he did all that? To keep peace on his server? He doesn't even know. It's scary to not know. Because if you don't know, then you can't understand, which is what Sapnap wants more than anything.

And when Dream finally got better... they could be friends again. Just like before. (He misses him. A lot.)

He sighed. For now though, just like every other time, he turned around and walked away.

~~~~~

Sapnap takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. Today is the day.

He fiddles with his tie, unable to tie it properly with his shaking hands.

"Oh my God Sapnap. Just let me do it."

George swats his hands away, and does his job himself, tying the tie so tightly it presses uncomfortably against his neck. Sapnap is sure he did it on purpose.

"This is gonna be the best day of your life. No need to be so nervous."

That's easy for him to say, he isn't the one getting married. There are so many ways he could mess up and embarrass himself in front of everyone. Or worse, ruin the day for his soon-to-be husbands. He can't bear to have anything bad happen-

"OW!"

What the hell did George smack him for?!

"Even I can see how nervous you're getting. Calm down."

"But..."

"No buts. You love them, they love you. The only way you could ruin it for them is to say no, and we all know you won't. Now go, I got other husbands to give a pep talk to."

Well knowing George, it will definitely go wrong somehow.

...So he says, but he has to fight the smile tugging at his lips.

"Thanks Gogy."

He's definitely feeling better now. He feels ready.

He makes his way to the community house, where everyone must be waiting. He insisted on it being the place where they held the ceremony. It meant a lot to him. Because...

"Hey Pandas."

That was his first home. The one he built with his closest friends. Including the one standing right in front of it, seemingly waiting for him.

"Dream! Not wearing your mask today?"

It was a rare sight, especially in public. Dream never took off his mask much as he disliked showing his face to people. Sapnap never knew why, but it's not like Dream had to tell him if he didn't want to.

"It's your wedding, so no, I won't. I owe you that much at least, don't I?"

That means a lot, especially when Sapnap gets to see his friend smiling widely. His face had always been rather expressive. It's like he feels emotions 10 times stronger than everyone else. He thinks Dream is possibly even happier than him and well, they do say that happiness is contagious.

"You don't owe me anything, dumbass."

Dream simply waves off the argument. His joyful demeanour then changes to something more serious, and Sapnap finds himself tensing up.

"Are you happy?"

God, did he have to ask that with a serious face like that? Don't scare him on his wedding for fuck's sake.

"Of course. I'm gonna marry the loves of my life in a few minutes. I...couldn't be happier."

He replies a bit bashfully, staring at the ground. That sounded really cheesy, didn't it?

"I see."

That... was strange. Why did Dream's voice sound so strained? Looking back at him, Sapnap definitely didn't like the expression on his face.

"Dream, are you okay...?"

Why is he feeling so drowsy?

"I'm sorry things turned out this wrong. I'm sorry this isn't your reality."

The last thing Sapnap can see before his consciousness fades is Dream's sad smile.

~~~~~

Sapnap opens his eyes, and is greeted by the ceiling of his room in Kinoko. He is completely alone, because of course he is. It was all a dream.

A dream...

"I'm sorry things turned out this wrong. I'm sorry this isn't your reality."

(Why did Dream say that? Was he aware? Or was it his mind telling him what he wanted to hear?)

He thinks he's starting to understand George now. He wants nothing more than to go back to that dream, because, as he's figured out by now, real life sucks. It's too painful now that he got a taste of what could have been.

But at the same time, the thought of losing himself to his dreams scares him. (Can't ever make up your mind, can you?)

For the first time in months, he lets his tears stain his pillow. He doesn't go back to sleep.

~~~~~

He hadn't left Kinoko since...

"If you won't give my armor back... then I'll just find this Kinoko Kingdom of yours and blow it up with TNT!"

...since he broke out. And threatened the safety of everything he holds dear. Like he hadn't changed at all. Or in fact, changed for the worse. (Wasn't Pandora's Vault supposed to make him better? To make him go back to the friend he knew and loved?)

Karl is annoyed with him. Why couldn't you just let him have the armor, he asked. Sapnap's only defense was that the armor was too powerful for him to have it. (It felt good to wear it. Safe. In a way, it felt like his best friend had never left.) Now they busy themselves preparing for the worst. In hindsight, putting Karl and their home in danger for an armor set wasn't his brightest idea.

He doesn't go to Las Nevadas as often, and he feels guilty about it. Especially since it's rather close to Kinoko. He couldn't even bring himself to walk a few blocks to see how his (ex?)fiance was doing? Really?

As beautiful as the casino city is, Sapnap can't help the twinge of resentment creeping through him. It wasn't supposed to exist. Quackity was supposed to live with them, in their cute little mushroom kingdom, instead of there. Wake up in the morning in their cuddle pile, try and fail to cook breakfast then clean up the kitchen, go on long walks around the server, maybe stop at Niki's to buy some pastries.

He can imagine it so vividly that it hurts to face reality again.

They shouldn't be so distant from one another, both literally and figuratively. (Sapnap isn't a fool. He's noticed that Quackity is a lot colder to him now. He misses his warmth.)

He wanted to ask Karl why. Why he never gave Quackity the invitation. Why he treated he like an enemy. Why he had so many secrets that he would never confide in. Why he couldn't trust Sapnap.

He was too afraid of the possible answers to ask.

(A coward until the very end, aren't you?)

Today either, he can't bring himself to go. So he climbs to the highest mushroom in their kingdom and watches the casino lights from afar.

~~~~~

Sapnap likes to think that in another universe, Dream and Quackity would have been best friends.

Even if on the surface they seem like they couldn't be more different, at their core they're really similar. Sapnap knows- knew?- them too well to be unsure of that fact.

A heart of gold hidden behind a carefully crafted exterior (reserved for Dream, and carefree for Quackity). Hard to read and really clever. But sometimes just as dumb. A penchant for jokes even at the worst times. A surprisingly sharp tongue. The most stubborn motherfuckers he's ever met, and that's coming from him. He could go on and on honestly.

Really, it's like they're the same person. No wonder Sapnap was drawn to them. Maybe he just had a type, haha.

They were so similar... that it wasn't a surprise that they'd end up the same. Leaving him behind to go on a wild hunt for power. (For it to happen twice, makes Sapnap wonder. Is it him? Is he the problem? Wasn't he good enough?)

No matter how much Quackity denies it, Sapnap knows. He's becoming just like Dream. So obsessed with a stupid goal that he's willing to sacrifice almost everything for it. (Sapnap hoped he was one of the few exceptions.)

He knows he's losing- or already lost Dream. George barely speaks to him anymore. Karl and Quackity don't want anything to do with each other now, and Sapnap is afraid he'll lose them too. They're all he has left at this point. He'll do whatever he can to keep them. He can't... he can't lose anyone else. He can't imagine being all alone on this hellhole of a server, without anybody to lean on when it gets to be too much.

But it's already happening isn't it? How long until George leaves him for good? How long until Karl forgets him entirely? How long until he has no choice but to kill Dream? How long until Quackity throws him away?

How much time does he have left?

Maybe, he often thinks when he's at his most vulnerable, I never deserved to have anyone in the first place.

~~~~~

Word count: 1,431 (holy crap I'm surprised I wrote 400 words over the limit I was having a lot of trouble with this!)

Ending notes: It was hard to find an idea, and even harder to make 1k long, but I made it! I think I tricked myself into liking c!Sapnap haha.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Runaan, the Dragonblade

I woke from a dream this morning where I figured out half of this and came up with the rest while I mulled it over, and now I have a new angsty headcanon: Runaan was raised by Avizandum and trained to fight by Skywings at the Storm Spire.

Runaan is a soft elf who's learned to adopt Hard Mode at a moment's notice. Avizandum is a rat bastard who truly thought of humans as lesser beings. Runaan's Hard Mode and his attitude that humans are liars, nothing in them worth sparing, etc etc, is all learned behavior. It makes sense that all his harsh attitudes are part of his assassin training, since Ethari and Lujanne don't share them. And we’ve seen how certain other old dragons feel about humans. Considering that Xadia once wanted to wipe them all out, and that the dragons live by far the longest, it seems to me that the source of prejudice against humans lies with the dragons and is taught to the elves over and over with each new generation.

Then there's that casual line in the Book One novelization where we learn that Xadia wouldn't necessarily choose to avenge Avizandum because he was a morally gray bastard, but it would absolutely cry for justice over Zym being killed. That scene is Rayla's, and all her assassin information comes from Runaan. Bitter about his upbringing at Avizandum's claws, maybe? I don't blame him.

If Avizandum really did raise Runaan and see to his training, then S1E1′s title “Echoes of Thunder” just keeps having more layers to it, doesn’t it? Gosh. Runaan is connected to so many parts of the plot, to so many characters, but behind him lies Thunder. Just like Aaravos lies behind Viren and his own web of connections.

I keep trying to puzzle out Runaan's scars, where and why he got them. This headcanon has yet another guess. See, Ethari is eager to use the Sun's Tears salve to keep Runaan healing quickly--he hates to see his husband hurt, of course he does, he loves him! So I don't think it's very likely that Runaan got those scars after he married Ethari. And then there's his bio clue about "learned to put his mission above all else". If you learn something, that's a lesson, and lessons usually are learned early, especially when assassin training begins before you can even walk.

So if his training supervisor was Avizandum, and Runaan wasn't hard enough during training... I can see it. Typical dragon behavior, a little smack of the tail. It wouldn’t do much damage to another dragon, not with their thick scaled hides. But used on elves who are short and tiny and delicate in comparison? Ouch. 

None of Runaan’s scars or even damage from his fight in Harrow’s chamber, none of it is on his back. Runaan never turns his back unless he’s spinning with his blades out. So whatever hit him, he was facing it directly. And if it was Avizandum’s judgment, then he stood there and saw it coming and took it like the stoic Moonshadow he is.

This poor angst-ridden elf, god.

I'm dancing around it here. But Avizandum losing control of Zym was a good thing, and Viren interrupting his hatching storm was beneficial for Zym and therefore all of Xadia - once the Dragaang got to hatch him, anyway. Because however much Avizandum cried at dying and being unable to reach Zym, whether from love or fear or loss of control, he would've raised him to be hard and trained him to be ruthless. Just like Runaan.

Zym was spared all that. But maybe Runaan wasn't. Maybe it's tradition for the Dragon Throne to raise and train each assassin leader, and that's where the blood promise thing comes in. A Moonshadow elf, separate from their people, surrounded by dragons and Skywings, needs to bond with someone. So they make the promise, swear their honor and loyalty in service to the one being who has seen to their education and whatever guidance and comforts they are given in life. And then they go home to the Silvergrove and bind others to the will of the Dragon King.

I had a really old headcanon once that Runaan was raised by Skywings, lol. This version is cooler though. It's just the way he fights. It's so aerial! And all the spinning! Everything about Skywings being strong and fast really just adds more strength to this headcanon. Rayla believes Runaan is the best assassin, and he's described as basically unstoppable. A Moonshadow who fights like a Skywing would have serious advantages over most other combatants. Maybe this will be one more connection between Runaan and Callum someday? How fun would that be? Runaan actually being able to train Callum in Skywing aerial techniques to some degree. Whether he would... ehh. I could see him silently adjusting Callum’s elbow or something and nodding for him to try again, though. Perhaps in a “but I doubt you’ll get it--oh huh, look at that” sort of way. Which would be awesome all around, tbh.

Unfortunately, if Runaan were trained by Skywings, he would have thought himself slow and sloppy during training. It probably influenced his constant training regimen in the Silvergrove. If he trained all the time, he'd at least get closer to Skywing standards. But maybe he still lives with a deep-seated sense of inadequacy for not being as swift and light on his feet as his trainers. And I can see Avizandum allowing that mentality, and even encouraging it, since it would urge a young Runaan to constantly push himself harder.

Now, let me headcanon about Rayla: if she were the child that Runaan chose to follow him as the assassin leader, there is no way in hell he'd let her go back to the Storm Spire for instruction at Avizandum’s claws. So maybe he told Lain and Tiadrin what happened to him, or maybe they already knew. Heck, maybe they were there with him, or maybe Lain was and that’s why he’s Runaan’s best friend. In any case, no one wanted to put Rayla through that, so they all managed a compromise. Lain and Tiadrin went in her place and served on the Dragonguard. And Runaan got to keep Rayla away from Avizandum.

He was so gentle with her when he raised her, it kills me. The irony that he was still training her to be an assassin despite his own history is very deep. But I don't think anyone knows how to get out of that one yet. Still, he raised her softly and with encouraging guidance, not with tail smacking. Somehow, that sense of "I'll never be good enough" did carry over, though... Rayla really is as perceptive as her mother sometimes. She picks up things Runaan never meant to teach her. Luckily that also includes kissing techniques.

Runaan helped Rayla avoid his harsh upbringing at the Storm Spire, but he raised her so softly that she got him captured. He keeps using those Skywing moves like mental chess to try to get around the dangers in his life and protect his friends and family, but the board is set against him. And I'm guessing the only way to win is not to play.

tl;dr: Runaan was raised by dragons and trained by Skywings and it shows, but he didn't want Rayla raised the same way because it was traumatic and scarring, so her parents went to the Storm Spire instead of her. And everything still fell apart because the system is broken.

Extra hc’s: 

Runaan got over his fear of heights and death at the same time because Avizandum made him jump off the Spire repeatedly, and he’d have to be chill and calm and accept his fate, and when he was at peace with it, then a Skywing would catch him.

Runaan gave Hendyr his cheek scars for catching him too early one time. Dude was trying to help, and Runaan was trying to be perfect, and it ended with shades of Amaya.

Rayla throwing herself off the pinnacle when she killed Viren was something she may have heard about before, and once again she’s copying Runaan.

There’s a Moonshadow room at the Spire because there’s always a Moonshadow there for training, and that’s where Lain and Tiadrin were living: in Runaan’s childhood room. They’ll know him so much better after having spent time there.

Runaan’s got chronic stress about messy windswept hair now, and that’s why Ethari does his hair for him every morning with those dexterous hands of his, to make sure Runaan feels calm and ordered and as far from the Storm Spire in his mind as possible.

[duskholland]

Places We Won’t Walk | Peter Parker

summary ↠ superhero!y/n au: when you have superpowers thrust upon you, sacrifices have to be made. some more willingly than others. 

wc ↠ 4.5k

warnings ↠ depictions of character injury and death. angsty as fuck. there are a few swear words too but honestly they’re the least of your problems lmao

a/n ↠ recently I’ve found myself reflecting on the amount of loss Peter has experienced. loss of innocence, loss of childhood, loss of loved ones... this guy is a teenager and yet he is constantly forced into being an adult and it !! is not fair !! I wanted to play around with this sense of loss, and this fic gave me the perfect opportunity to do that. it made me cry lmao. *there’s a lil bit of a pov switch near the end, but it’s intentional*

↠ this is my submission for @mischiefandi‘s writing challenge. it’s based off the song, Places We Won’t Walk by Bruno Major. I made it a superhero au to fit my guideline! thanks so much for the challenge, V, I had a lot of fun with this <3

“You ever wish you weren’t a hero?” 

The words fall past your lips before you can stop yourself. There’s a silence. Then a presence appears beside you, and you feel Peter wrap his hand in yours as he joins you by the window.

“What do you mean?” He asks, voice soft, questioning.

You tilt your head at the scene beneath the window. Central Park sprawls out in front of you, the lush green trees and speckled flowers brightening up the centre of New York City. The windows are shut, but you can imagine the sounds drifting up from the park: children laughing, lovers embracing, friends chatting. A sense of bitter jealousy sours your mouth as you force your gaze away from the park, the pain in your heart twisting angrily.��

“We’re up here, working,” you start, picking your words carefully. “The world goes by below us. People- they fall in love, yeah? They hang out with their friends, they live their lives and they’re happy. Meanwhile, we stay up here, working alone, sacrificing everything.” You can’t help the bitterness that sweeps into your voice. You glance tentatively to Peter, who’s gripping your fingers a little harder now, his face pinched in an expression of anguish as his soft brown eyes flicker over the park.

After a moment, he sighs. “No one said life was going to be fair, Y/N.” 

You’re disarmed by the bluntness in your boyfriend’s voice, and find your eyebrows raising reflectively. He finally tears his eyes from the park and brings his gaze to your face, his arms pulling around you as he takes in your expression. You bury your face in his shoulder and try not to cry as you think about the people down in the park, laughing and carefree, all because you’re up here, protecting them and their city. 

It’s not fair. It will never be fair. But there’s nothing you can do about that. Because leaving the job would be siding with the enemy, and you could never do that.

“One day we’ll get out of here,” Peter murmurs, hands in your hair. His sweet peppermint scent swept over you as he holds you tight. “One day, we’ll take some time off, yeah? Go to the beach, have a vacation. Just...not yet.” And his voice sounds so false that water burns your eyes as you blink furiously. 

“You think Tony will ever let us both leave the city?” When he stills, you catch your lower lip beneath your teeth and sigh guiltily. Pulling yourself back from his grip, you nudge your mouth against his cheek in a quick, chaste kiss. “Sorry,” you murmur. “It’s just hard, sometimes.” 

Peter, only eighteen, but looking so much older with worried creases scrunched between his eyebrows, shrugs his shoulders. But he has an image of understanding on his face and a soft, sad smile spread across his lips, and it makes you feel a little less lonely to know you aren’t the only one chained to responsibility. 

“We’ll get through it,” he promises. “They need us.”

And then you’re both looking back at the images of happy people playing in the park, and the silence returns again.

[——]

It’s Christmas Eve and you’re stumbling around on top of a rooftop, exchanging blows with a masked figure. In one hand he clutches a bag full of looted money, and in the other, he holds a knife. To say he’s built stockily, with wide shoulders and a tall, looming figure, he’s incredibly nimble on his feet. You’re breathless as you parry his strikes, your aching body already exhausted from taking on the rest of his goonies.

Peter’s somewhere below you, swinging around the city. You’d been relaxing beneath the Christmas tree in your apartment when his ears had pricked and you’d got a brief text from Stark HQ, and now you’re here, your evening plans of a festive gathering sacrificed for the greater good. Back in your lonely, dark kitchen lays a spread of cold festive treats you’d intended to serve to your friends and family, and you know you’ll stumble back to your empty place in a few hours and collapse on your sofa in tears. 

It’s not that you don’t like your job. There’s nothing more gratifying and fulfilling than spending your hours saving lives. But it is a full-time job, and you never signed up for it. It wasn’t your fault that you were involved in a lab disaster when you were thirteen. You never volunteered to be Tony Stark’s newest project. And yet here you are, your body bruised and throbbing on Christmas Eve, exchanging blows with a thug instead of taking part in festive celebrations like the rest of the city. It’s hard not to be bitter.

“Ow!” You exclaim, your lack of concentration allowing the man in front of you to get a swipe at you. Your arm aches as the knife slices across your bicep, and you try not to look at the way your blood drips down onto the stony slabs of the rooftop. You deliver a swift kick to his chest and watch as he goes tumbling down, crumping in a heap on the ground. You tie his hands together and get ready to call for a lift back when there’s another blow delivered to the back of your head and you go spinning. You’re on the ground now, your vision blurring as you stare up at another of the men who must’ve sneaked up behind you as you dealt with the other. “Don’t you guys ever give up?” 

He just snarls at you, lunging towards you with a larger knife than the other. You roll and spring to your feet, but now you’re lethargic and your arm has started to really hurt. Cursing lowly, you mutter into the com piece in your ear, “Pete? I’m gonna need some help up here,” the sense of guilt multiplying in your chest as you realise you’re pulling him away from the streets below, where he’s most likely helping civilians.

But you don’t regret it when the man gets a kick in at your stomach, and you end up on the ground again. Your head rattles against the stone and you can’t even manage to clamber to your feet as the guy approaches you, kneeling at your side so he can dig the point of the knife in at your neck. It’s cold and sharp, and you find yourself staring at the night sky, wondering if this is finally it. You can’t even see the stars through the air pollution, and your eyes glass over with tears as you realise you’re too exhausted to move your body.

You truly think it’s the end. But then there’s a loud crash, and the figure above you goes flying across the rooftop and crumples in a heap on the other side. With the pressure gone from your neck, you gasp a breath, a couple of hot tears falling down your cheeks. 

“Y/N? Y/N, what’s wrong? Oh, shit, baby-” Peter’s hands go to your arm and you yelp as he pulls back the sleeve of your shirt, exposing the large laceration. Your eyes are screwed shut as you feel a cold pressure, and you know from experience that he’s using some special healing spray he’d had put in his suit for occasions such as this. His other hand goes to your face and you can feel his fingertips tremble as he caresses your cheek gently. “Hold on,” he murmurs. “Almost done.” 

The throbbing dies down in your arm as Peter stops working on it. He helps you up to your feet, but you’re a little dizzy and stumble into him, your head aching and your stomach burning. 

“I feel like I was just eaten by a wood chipper,” you manage, your fingers clinging to Peter’s shoulder for dear life. His laugh is low and weak as he helps you towards the edge of the building. You hear him mutter something through his earpiece to HQ about needing a cleanup crew, and then he wraps his arms around you.

“Let’s get out of here?”

“Take me home.” 

He swings across the city with his arms wrapped around you, and you cling to your boyfriend weakly. When you’re back to your apartment, he helps you into some pyjamas and tucks you up in bed with a bunch of painkillers. You know you haven’t sustained any serious damage, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck. 

“You scared me there, for a minute,” Peter murmurs. He’s stood at the end of the bed, the mask gone from his face, but his body still wearing the rest of his suit. His brown hair stands up messily, and your heart throbs weakly as you see the dark bags hanging beneath his eyes. He steps a bit closer, eyes casting down guiltily. “Sorry it took me a while to get up to you.”

You hold out your hand and he takes it, his grip firm but somehow still delicate. “It’s not your fault,” you say. “None of this is your fault.” You trail off for a breath moment, but then a weak laugh slips out. “When do we ever just get a quiet night in?” 

His face twists almost painfully, but then he nods. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” His hand slips from yours and you realise with a pang that he isn’t done yet.

“Oh…” 

His lips find your forehead, and they linger there for a few moments. Unspoken words and mutual understanding flow through the contact and you sigh softly as you know he couldn’t possibly stay. Just because you’re out of action, it doesn’t mean he is, and crime doesn't take a day off just because it’s a holiday.

“See you later,” you say, voice quiet. He looks into your eyes for a few seconds, an expression of regret briefly flickering over his face before he steps back and pulls his face mask on again. 

“I love you,” he reminds you, voice a little squeaky.

You do your best to smile comfortingly as you watch him jerk up your bedroom window and clamber out. You don’t manage to say it back before he’s gone, disappeared off into the chilly night sky with a swing of his wrists.

With a sigh, you turn off the light and bed down beneath your duvet. You don’t even bother trying to sleep: you know you won’t be able to until he comes back and shows you that he’s safe. So instead, you stare vacantly up at the ceiling, every inch of your body hurting with a dull ache, and you listen to the noises of the city as they stream through your open window. A few sad tears soak into your pillowcase as you hear the dull pulse of Christmas songs and distant laughter, and there’s even a faint scent of gingerbread coming out from one of your neighbours’ apartments. And it hurts - it hurts like there’s a thorn piercing  your heart that scratches deeper every time you breathe - but there’s nothing you can do apart from lay there numbly and stare into the darkness, knowing that nothing will ever change, and this will be your life forever.

[——]

Undercover missions are always your favourite. 

It’s something about the way you get to don a disguise and slip into another persona for the night that thrills you. You get a break from your life, and though the missions are never straightforward, that brief release from your superhero duties is always welcome. They’re also some of the few occasions that you get to stroll around, arm in arm with your lovely boyfriend, and he’s able to look exactly like himself; not Spider-man, with that daunting, blue and red suit, but he’s Peter. He’s Peter and he’s eighteen and he looks so dashing all wrapped up in a neat black suit that it draws a smile to your face. 

The function room you’re currently pacing is full of New York’s elite. Dazzling diamonds and rich rosy scents flood your senses, and it seems everywhere you look, you’re surrounded by pretentious wealth. It’s hard not to let your eyes bulge as everywhere you look you see perfectly curled hair, long legs with tall heels, and expensive-looking leather watches. But it’s thrilling, too, and for a few moments, you find yourself lost in it. 

“Did I mention how stunning you look tonight?” Peter whispers into your ear. Your cheeks warm as you use your free hand to dust down your dress.

“Oh, this old thing?” You joke. “It only cost about $2500.” And you hadn’t had to pay a single penny, thank god. It all comes under ‘business expenses’ - one of the few perks you get when you devote yourself to a life of service. 

Peter gulps, his eyes softening when they meet yours. Adoration fills you as you look at your boyfriend, and you tighten your grip on his hand as you lean in to steal a quick, tender kiss. 

“The most beautiful woman in the room,” he says firmly. He joins your other hand with his, and the rest of the room seems to fall away, leaving just you, and him, holding one another tightly. “I’m so lucky.” 

“I’m lucky,” you correct, ignoring the way he opens his mouth to dispute the fact. “No one understands me like you, Peter.” Your breath catches as he rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. “I can’t imagine living in a world without you.” 

“A world without you is one I wouldn’t want to be in,” he affirms. He drags one of your hands to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to the skin there. “I wish we could stay like this forever.” 

But you can’t, and no sooner do the words come out of his mouth are you being interrupted by an elderly socialite. She’s wearing a glittery shawl and her pale blue eyes seem to dig into your soul as you make contact with her.

“Pardon the interruption,” she drawls, Southern accent twinkling lightly, “I just wanted to say how dashing you both look. What an adorable couple,” she compliments. Her gaze drifts down to your empty left hand. “Are you two getting married?” She says anyway, effectively driving a hard dagger into your chest. 

Your eyes flutter shut as the pain that gripes at your chest stings your eyes. You can’t help yourself imagining the scene. You’re only eighteen, but you’ve known Peter since you were both fifteen and have been dating almost that long, so you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t imagined what it’d be like for him to fall to his knees in front of you. You know he’d be nervous - all flushed, and bumbling, and nervously shaking - but you’ve always found that endearing, and you know with certainty that you wouldn’t feel anything other than pure, sweet adoration as he asked you to marry him. It’d be a yes - of course it would be - and then you’d tumble into his arms and live out the rest of your life peacefully.

But it’s just a fantasy. An idea that you cling to every night you’re out fighting on the streets, everything hurting. It’s almost pitiful how much you find yourself yearning for it to happen, your mind fabricating a reality where you aren’t tied down to your job, and can instead live peacefully with the man you love. 

When you’re silent, Peter speaks for you, laughing nervously. “Oh, uh, thank you, ma’am,” he flounders, his cheeks a bright red. “We’re just dating.” 

“Oh, what a shame!” She exclaims. Then she steps nearer and grips your arm, and you feel dread replace your awkwardness as you remember your mission objective. Her fingers dig into your skin as her mouth finds your ear, and she hisses a low, threatening, “I know you’re here to ruin this deal, but I’m afraid I’m not going to let that happen, sugar. You’re surrounded.”

And you know Peter’s amplified hearing has picked it up, and you pull back to look at him, a dull look in your eyes. Of course it was too good to be true. God forbid you get to spend even five minutes with your boyfriend without someone stepping in and ruining it. 

He shares your disgruntled expression as he flicks his wrists and his web-shooters appear. “Y’know, lady, I really thought you were nice,” he mutters. Then he blasts her with his webs, and the room becomes a war-zone, and you’re dragged back to your day job with a bitter taste in your mouth. This always happens, and at this point, you should be used to it, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less to come to terms with the fact that this is your reality: closeness with your boyfriend only when you’re on the battlefield, fighting back to back. No engagement, no wedding, no happily ever afters. Just fights, and pain, and work. And it’s heartbreaking. 

[——]

Peter knows how much of a toll this life takes on you. He’s watched as the fifteen-year-old girl he used to joke around with started to shrink and wither. He’s been there as you’ve grown older and your heart has grown heavier, and he’s been with you as you’ve taken lives, saved people, lost people - the whole works. And he understands how difficult it can be, because he goes through it too, but he knows it’s worse for you.

Neither of you ever chose this life. For you it was a lab explosion, for him it was a spider. You aren’t like Tony Stark who engineered his way to the top, or Captain America, who chose to take on that super serum. You didn’t willingly surrender your freedom for the greater good - it was taken from you, ripped out of your cold, aching hands, and he’s watched as that theft has slowly worn you down.

You’re still the same girl he’d fallen for, three years ago. You can still be found humming along to your favourite songs as you bake in the kitchen, and you still greet him with a kiss every time he climbs through your window. But you’re also sadder, and he can sense the weight that hangs in your heart and the longing that you feel when you look around at the world and see only what you can’t have. Because you’re a good person - and that’s the main reason Peter found himself being gravitated towards you in the first place. And that means that you won’t ever leave this life and this city, even if it’s slowly suffocating you.

He’s tried all he can to help. He lets you cry on his shoulder and rubs your back and promises he’ll get you out of here one day. But they’re empty words and he hates to lie to you, but deep down you both know that it’ll never happen. Even if Tony let you have a week off, Peter knows that neither of you would feel content leaving the city in the hands of others.

You’re both tied to your jobs like a ball on a chain, and try as he might, Peter hasn’t been able to loosen the shackles. Not even a little bit. And one day, it all falls apart, and it’s only then that he realises how blind he’d been to the truth.

You’ve both been sent out of the city for a drugs bust involving a gang of vibranium scrappers. They’re in possession of some seriously dangerous weapons, so you’ve got a team of agents with you to help neutralise the threat. The warehouse they’re staked out in looks cold and uninviting, and as he approaches the metal box, Peter grabs your hand desperately.

“Promise me you’ll be safe,” he says hurriedly. He looks at you and the determined grin branded to your lips and his heart skips a beat. You are the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. When you let out a small giggle, it sounds like a thousand gentle wind chimes floating through his ears.

“I can’t promise that,” you tease, nudging his side. “How about you promise to save me if I get stabbed again?” 

Peter’s heart falls as he remembers the time on the rooftop on Christmas Eve, all those months ago. When he’d swung up and seen you laying limp on the ground, close to death, he’d never felt as panicked in his life. It was as if his life had flashed before his eyes, but there was an empty space just beside him where you were supposed to be - his best friend, his partner in crime, the love of his life. He shudders as you drop his hand. 

“I’ll always save you,” he promises. He’s got his mask in his hands and before he can stop himself, he gives you a quick, deep kiss. He feels your surprise, but then you grin into him and kiss him back strongly, your lips warm and soft and perfect.

“I love you,” you remind him. You give him another short kiss. “Let’s go get these bad guys!” 

It goes well at first. 

Peter had formulated a plan and the team had followed it precisely. Whilst he worked with you to take out the gang leaders, the backup you’d brought scurried around, securing the precious vibranium and neutralising as many weapons as they could. The warehouse was stuffed with personnel, yet slowly and surely, the gang is broken down.

He can’t help but become a little distracted as he webs up a few men. He can’t stop looking at you. The way your face is pulled into a magnificent expression of determination as you kick and punch and dodge and defend. Your hair goes flying in arcs around your figure and your movements are so fluid and powerful that it’s like you were born to do this. He’s left awestruck as an overwhelming feeling of love floods his system, and in that moment, Peter knows he’d follow you to the end of the earth if he could.

But his soft expression of adoration drains away as he watches the unthinkable happen. You’ve just punched a man in the gut when another approaches you from the side, and in a sickening manoeuvre, he stabs you in the side with a long, poisoned dagger. Immediately you go down, the material of your suit darkening as you yelp. The sound sends a blast of hot, white rage through Peter. 

He loses it. When the man over you pulls out the dagger and allows a hot rush of blood to leave your side, Peter’s vision burns red. He’s shooting webs in every direction and manages to take down all the remaining targets in about two seconds, and then he’s stumbling to the ground, all the colour drained from his face.

Your face is flushed and your forehead is sticky, and as Peter pressed the flat of his hand into your side to stem the blood, you manage a scattered yelp. Your eyes are wide and terrified. 

“Karen, run diagnostics,” he manages.

“Wound is deep. Poison is lethal. Two minutes until it overwhelms her system.” 

Peter chokes back a sob and pulls off his mask. Two minutes. Even if you’d brought paramedics, he knows it would be a lost cause. 

You’re gazing vacantly at the metal warehouse ceiling as he uses his free hand to shakily cup your face. “Hold on, okay,” he stammers. “Y/N, it’s going to be okay.” 

Even in the face of death, you manage to smile weakly. “Take me outside,” you beg, voice shaky. “I want to see the stars.” 

Peter scoops you up in his arms and manages to apply pressure to your side with one hand as the other swings the both of you out of the warehouse. Luckily you’re quite far out of down, and after using a few trees to gain momentum, Peter finds the rise of a hill and settles you both there. His hands shake and his lungs heave as he gently lies you down in the cool grass, and something a little like peace travels across your face. But it soon vanishes as you shudder, and then you’re grabbing at his arm and squeezing so tightly it feels like you’re ripping his arm from his socket. 

One minute.

“Peter,” you manage, your voice quivering. Peter leans over you, kneeling desperately by your face, his eyes skittering over every line of your familiar skin. He takes in everything: the way your hair is soft and supple and smells of fresh strawberries, the way your eyes are sparkling and seem to draw him in, the way your nose curves perfectly and the deep smile lines that he can imagine forming by your mouth. His heart shatters as he brings his hand to your face and cups your cheek delicately. “Peter.” 

“I’m here,” he mumbles. You clench your finger around his arm as your breathing eases. 

“Get out of this,” you plead. “I- I’m begging you. Find… Find a nice girl, okay? And go to college with her. Maybe get married. Have some kids, even. Go on holidays.” You break off as a torrent of hot tears run down your face. “Live your life.”

Peter thinks about all the times he’d soothed your worries away. All the times he’d said you’d get some time off together eventually. When he’d said you could both go to college. When he’d promised one day you’d be able to settle down and live happily together. And he thinks about how they were just all big, ugly lies.

“You are my life,” is all he can manage. He smooths his hand through your wet hair as he cries too, eyes stinging. 

“Do it for me.” 

Your breathing is slower now, more pained. Peter presses a scattering of kisses to the side of your face and nods his head at the night sky.

“The stars are pretty tonight,” he manages. You gaze up and as the twinkling lights of the stars dance in your eyes, he knows you’re almost gone. He kisses your cheek again, his shaking lips lingering by your ear as he whispers, “I love you, brave girl. You can let go now. Go join the stars.” 

And your lips let out a final, shuddering breath as your eyelids close, the light draining from your face. And Peter folds over on himself, an awful, twisted anguished groan filling the air.

Do it for me, your voice seems to echo through his mind. And Peter cries until his mouth is dry and his lungs burn and he’s heaving, and all he can think about are the empty promises he’d whispered to you, and all the places you won’t walk together. And how that life you’d described - of him, with a nice girl, building a life together - is never going to happen, because you were the love of his life, and now you’re gone. And for the first time in his life, Peter knows he’s truly alone. 

[——]

any feedback? I would love to hear any thoughts you have on this!

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[magioftheseas]

Year In Writing (DGRP Version)

2020 was a hell of a fucking year. But I still got several fics out. I’m gonna be splitting them up a little, and will start with the dgrp fics since there’s more of them. Won’t include any nsfw/m-rated stuff just to make things slightly easier on me.

About That Guy (Hope’s Peak Academy Arc-focused)

I guess technically this started in 2019, but it still was the first thing updated in 2020. Written for the Hinata Hajime Project, this fic is a collection of shorts all from other characters’ perspectives regarding...Hinata! And Kamukura. Also World Destroyer. Many characters get focus, including all the sdr2 survivors, so it was quite the experimental piece!

World Constants and Conditionals (sdr2.5)

Written for the Hinata Hajime Fanzine! I don’t actually remember if it was written in 2020, but I assume so? How old can it be, rip... Anyway! Hinata makes the World Destroyer. It’s a prologue, you can say, to the OVA. Comes with a beautiful illustration.

Take Me Back, Back, Back (sdr2/dr3-zhen rewrite)

This is a commission and set in a zhen rewrite by @gothitelle-goddess. It’s a fun time loop idea in which Komaeda tries to prevent Hinata from partaking in the Kamukura Project. Sometimes, it ends messily.

Bumblings of a Brainiac (dr0/Hope’s Peak Academy Arc-focused)

Written for the Matsuda Yasuke Fanweek I hosted. I decided it’d be a lot of fun to write various short fics in which Matsuda interacted with different characters. Includes an AU where he does not die. I like it a lot when he does not die.

The Recollection Of Ryouko (dr0)

Written for the Ryouko Otonashi Memory Week. These are all ficlets to be more manageable, but they’re also all first person. A fun experiment and some of these actually turned out rather well. I’m pleased with myself.

Budding (Hope’s Peak Academy-focused)

Matsuda gets along with not only Komaeda but also the Warriors of Hope. Has a sort of TDP-esque setting where everything is relatively happy. It was part of a trade but was a lot of fun. I love these terrible kids.

Held (sdr2/dr0)

Matsuda Lives Again! An introspective fic about Matsuda’s messy as hell relationship with Junko and with people in general but one that segways into his relationship with Komaeda. Just a lotta codependency with our resident brainiac. Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Scars To Burden (sdr2/dr0)

Ghost!Matsuda harasses Hinata post-canon. I’ve always wanted to write something like this. Hopefully I managed alright, considering this was for a trade in addition to the Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Far From Love (sdr2.5)

Komaeda is a bit more stubborn when it comes to staying in his fantasy world, much to the World Destroyer’s chagrin. Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Soul-Crushing (sdr2)

Soulmates AU. However, Komaeda and Hinata are not soulmates despite being the main relationship. Messiness ensues. An old-ass WIP that I randomly decided to complete for Komaeda’s birthday. I was just in a mega yearning mood. A lot of my wips from way back when involve yearning, some to think of it.

Please Take Good Care Of Me (sdr2)

Komaeda’s rendered almost mute after getting attacked by one of the other remnants. Kamukura takes care of him afterwards. Pretty straight-forward. Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Flights and Guilt (sdr2)

Komaeda deals with not just nightmares but also survivor’s guilt. Hinata helps him through this. Also straight-forward. Also written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Soft Trauma (sdr2)

A really old WIP that’s a Post-Canon AU, but had been started way before Kodaka even dreamed dr3 up. It’s focused on recovery in which Komaeda struggles but Naegi’s there to help. It’s super messy. Super yearning. Please mind the tags.

You're The Woooorst~! (v3)

Sick fic. Kaito gets sick and who’s there to take care of him but the resident liar? Pretty simple premise. I love Oumota a lot.

Look Look Look (v3)

Saihara and Ouma are hanging out/dating but solely to get Momota’s attention. It doesn’t go well for Saihara, so he breaks things off. I also love Saioumota a lot and want more of that OT3 focusing on the space boy. This is a pretty bitter fic because Saihara is a bitter, bitter boy.

Can’t Even Trust (v3)

Technically Salmon Mode but is really just a non-killing game au. Ouma still exposes Maki as a killer. Kaito still takes Maki under his wing. Ouma is very annoyed by this.

KomaHina Exchange + Week Fics

Between The Sky’s Grasp (sdr2)

Idol!Kamukua and Fan!Komaeda, except Kamukura is going undercover. Written for the KomaHina Secret Exchange. I love idol stuff, especially more dubious idol stuff. So, I was excited to write this one.

For Fools Rush In (sdr2/dr3-zhen)

A Kamukura/Hinata Twins AU in which they split the talents. Kamukura is then assigned babysitting duty for Class 77-B. Also for the KomaHina Secret Exchange, which means there’s a bit of a sibling love triangle going on. A very weird AU, but still pretty fun.

Feelings To Write About (sdr2/udg)

Post-Canon. Komaeda and Hinata play a kids’ board game and then talk about the kids that Komaeda babysat once upon a time. Melancholy, morose, but a bit hopeful. Written for the exchange. I love the kids.

The Sun Sets (sdr2)

Despair!Hinata AU. Written for the exchange. Was definitely a favorite of mine because I love Hinata when he’s villainous. Characterizing him was a blast. It took some inspiration from the song Ready As I’ll Ever Be, which is a good fucking song. I love that song. I even love how this fic turned out.

Reserved (sdr2/dr3-zhen)

Childhood Friends KomaHina during HPA days. Probably one of my favorite things written. It’s angsty and emotional and I’m proud of it. This dynamic of affection and resentment on Hinata’s end was very fun. 

It’s Easier (sdr2)

Soulmates AU set during sdr2. A little self-explanatory. Unsurprisingly, a killing game is not the best setting for soulmates to meet.

Joyous Occasion (sdr2)

Cisswapped/Genderflipped. Hinata is pining for Komaeda while she’s getting married to her sister. Sometimes, you just gotta write gayngst. You just gotta. Gaygnsting Gals.

Twisted Branches Entwined (sdr2)

Talentswap AU. Swap!Hinata and Swap!Komaeda have a sit-down and talk in a post-sdr2 setting. Pretty simple. Kinda clumsy.

The Farce of Hope (sdr2/dr1)

Fantasy AU. Demon Lord Hinata is sent to target Hopeful Hero Naegi and gets distracted by Hapless Healer Komaeda! Definitely a fun idea. I’ve always wanted to write one like it since the Tropical Despair Carnival has a similar idea, I believe. It’s more set-up than a full fic, but I still hope you like it.

Sweet Poison (sdr2)

Chapter 5-focused. Sometimes you just gotta write Komaeda fantasizing about better things with Hinata as he lays on the floor dying. You just gotta.

I Hope Our Future Is Beautiful (sdr2/dr3)

Post-Canon fluff to make up for the largely angsty as hell week of stuff that came before it. Yep. Not much else to say here lol.

[seance]

2020 content creator tag

RULES: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions! 

finally got around to do this, terribly late i know and i’m sorry but i swear i wasn’t ignoring all the incredibly talented people who tagged me! thank you so so much for thinking of me guys ♡ probably lost some @ in the process cause my notifs are a mess. @goinesjennifer @juliesmolina @faeryglass @almondchestnut @olisgifs @andyoudoctor @yenvengerberg @iridescentides @juliesmolinas 

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: god, i already said this but giffing really became my #1 coping mechanism this year so i have a LOT of stuff just from this year. the first one is this THE WITCHER INTRO CARDS gifset and the most recent is actually my julie’s gifset from yesterday but i’m not satisfied with it so! i’m gonna say this KLAUS AND FIVE PARALLELS gifset instead.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: oof, this is super difficult because i get attached to most of my creations, even if they don’t come out as i initially hoped. i’ll go with this five gifset BIRDS HOVER THE TRAMPLED FIELD just because it’s a perfect example of a rare occurrence aka when both my inspiration and my vision and my skills align and i manage to create something exactly how i first imagined it. and also because i think there’s not better fitting poem for this man.

a creation you’re really proud of: i have a few but maybe this ODE TO NUMBER FIVE gifset just because i had a very specific vibe i wanted to give off and i think i managed alright with the colors, texture and design choices! and then i can’t not mention this YOU WERE ALWAYS GOLD TO ME gifset just because i literally poured all my heart into it. this song and these people mean so so much to me.

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: my style really evolved at the speed of light starting july and i still can’t believe the things i learned once i just let myself try. i keep having new ideas and trying really hard not to dismiss them and see if they work out, telling myself it’s okay if they don’t! i think this ALLISON HARGREEVES gifset basically has it all: the blending, the font work, the shape play. or even this JATP + BODIES OF WATER type of style, complex blending such as this one WILLEX SUPERSTAR is slowly becoming my trademark and i’m not mad about it, i love playing around with fonts like i did in this ALEXREGGIE gifset even if i know it gets really crowded and hard to read sometimes, or even with lines and block of colors like i did here JATP BORN FOR THIS, i finally got back to play around with textures JATP SCRAPBOOK and even JATP DISCOGRAPHY i also tried my hand at creating entire new “atmospheres” playing with specific visual choices like i did in the HARGREEVES AS PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS set.

your favorite coloring: okay you guys know coloring is easily my favorite thing to do in the world and i’m usually pretty proud of every outcome because i remember how difficult it was for me, for years i thought i would never learn but i still did it, all by myself just keeping trying like a madwoman lmao basically all my the umbrella academy gifset are my pride and joy because did you see that show? how shitty the lighting is? gifmakers need a miracle every single time. so i’m gonna list a few that i still look at fondly ♥

THE SEVEN HARBINGERS OF THE APOCALYPSE

WILLIE AND CALEB 

YOU CAN SET YOURSELF FREE (HARGREEVES)

SEASON ONE FAVORITE EPISODE

ALWAYS GOLD TO ME

THE OLD GUARD + RICHARD SIKEN

a creation that took you forever: basically everything i do ahah just because one way or another i always get stuck on something for hours at end be it the fonts or the colors or the scene choices. but i’d say this STRONGER + HAGREEVES SIBLINGS gifset just because my inspiration went off and i decided i wanted to try a bunch of different techniques all at once and my brain didn’t let me rest until i did it all. to think it all started with just that “everyone will know me by a different name” line, oh my god.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this VANYA + HER SIBLINGS LOVE gifset with 15.406 notes that i kinda hate because what’s up with that font? and the ugly coloring?! totally gonna remake this one because they deserve far better.

a creation you think deserved more notes: oh my god deep down i want to be selfish and say so many because that number never really match the effort i  put in most of my gifs but i’ve also learned not to get too bitter about that, few people rb it, even fewer people comment on it but those people are worth more than anyone else. if i had to chose i’d say either the ALWAYS GOLD TO ME set just because it means so much to me, this ALEXREGGIE set that was so fun to make and i love how the colors and the font work came out, this VANYA + EMPATHY set, and this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN one.

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: i rarely do actual, canonical quotes and i never use just one scene gsjds- so i’ll go with this DIEGO + LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY one even if i don’t like the font and again ALEX&REGGIE being themselves.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: considering i was already the umbrella academy and the witcher obsessed i’d say the old guard (YOU KNOW ME WELL) and julie and the phantoms (FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP)

a creation you made that breaks your heart: oh, if you know me even one bit you also know i thrive on angsty feelings, they’re usually my main inspiration not gonna lie so choosing is not that simple! again, this KLAUS AND FIVE parallels gifset because of the sheer tragedy of their lives, this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN five gifset, this KLAUS HARGREEVES one and this I WANNA BE NUMB AGAIN, this DEAR FORGIVENESS, YOUR BOOKER because this man is a walking tragedy (and this PIECES OF ME DIE ALL THE TIME too for good measure) and then this HARGREEVES SIBS + DAUGHTER gifset.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i have brainworms and once i’ve learned how to do something i never manage to come back to the things i did before so i’ve rarely made “simpler” things lately. maybe this JATP + TIMES OF DAY still qualify.

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): this FAVORITE JATP CHARACTERS with the circle text inspired by this gifset by the loml @evakant // this JATP ROLES with the triangles technique inspired by this work of art by @anya-chalotra and this WARRIOR JULIE set with the text layout inspired by a lovely gifset that now seems to be deleted :(

a favorite creation created by someone else: i love everything my mutuals make but there are some people who really pushed me to always learn more and their gifs are still my absolute favorite thing to date. for example: this THE OLD GUARD TAROTS set by @milkovivhs // this incredible HARGREEVES SIBLINGS one by @yenvengerberg // this GERALT OF RIVIA masterpiece by @anya-chalotra // this CROWLEY set by the queen of colors herself @meliorn

some of your favorite content creators from the year: really too many to count, my mutuals inspire me every single day, the keep my creativity alive and seeing their creations on my dash is always such a treat! so, all the above for sure and then: i‘m stupidly proud of @sunsetscurving i saw her grow into the giffing process with such speed and such vision, everything she does is so pretty, but all my mutuals are incredibly talented. they don’t do anything half-assed, everything they do perfectly mirrors their efforts! @captainheroism @emeraldphantoms @nora-reid @amandaseyfried @rockyblue @juliesmolina @juliesmolinas @lettersdeeplyworn @jakeperalta @kennyortegas @merceralexs @alexreggieluke @calebcovington @andyoudoctor @almondchestnut @iridescentides @number5theboy @evakant

 and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: excluding all the above i’ll go with

JATP FAVORITE QUOTE  

HARGREEVES AS GREEK DEITIES 

YOU ARE HERE TO RISK YOUR HEART

THE JATP GEMSTONE SERIES x / x

SOBRIETY IS OVERRATED

AMOR C’HA NULLO AMATO

IF MEMORIES COULD BLEED

this took me so long that everyone else already did it before me so i don’t think i can tag anyone, if you’re reading this and feel like doing it please feel free!

[padawan-jiejie]

My Choice [3 / 3]

Summary: You are Anakin’s twin sister and Mace Windu’s apprentice with forbidden kind of interest in Master Kenobi. You’re there to witness your brother’s turn to the Dark side and have trouble dealing with the consequences. Five years later, you visit Obi-Wan on Tatooine…

PART 1   |   PART 2

Word Count: 5.8k

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Warnings: !MyEnglish!, ptsd talk, talk about regrets, angsty!reader, but also comforting!Obi and fluffy!Obi and baby!Luke + one more character has a cameo and overly fluffy ending  the reader is a bit of a crybaby in this one, sorry

A/N: THIS TOOK ME SO LONG - I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE!!! Also I haven’t read the comic about Obi-Wan and his time on Tatooine so… I just hope all of you are doing the best you can and enjoy 💖💖💖

Tagged:  @retrobhaddie​ @multi-madison​ @treestarrrrrrrr  @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13​ @lysawayne

Five long years since the tragedy of the Jedi. Since their failure and the purge. After all those years, here you were. Flying in your stolen ship, fleeing away from your inevitable destiny. You ran out of supplies and had to take a break, stop somewhere safe. You had a planet in mind, it was close and you were certain no one from the Empire would be looking for you there if you don’t stay for long. It was the hole of the universe after all. But somethin- no, someone was calling for you to land there. So you set the coordinations to Tatooine. You used your connection to the Force to find the perfect place to hide your ship nearest the pull you sensed. You shut down all systems and took a deep breath. For the first time in years, you would step into the harsh, dry and sandy grounds of the planet you were born on. It wasn’t your home for a long time and you felt bitter and nostalgic looking outside. Yet as you were sitting there in the cockpit, you saw a familiar cloak walking towards your position from behind a mountain. At that moment, all your worries and doubts faded like a mist.

You ran out as fast as you could and stayed staring at the figure few feet away from you. Your heart was beating quickly from the excitement and when he pulled his hood off and looked directly into your eyes, it definitely felt like coming back home.

“Y/N?”

“Obi-Wan…”

Your voices were nothing but a whisper. A whisper that told a million words and more. Obi-Wan Kenobi was standing there in front of you and it was like yesterday when you said your last goodbyes. And he was stunned. He came to the conclusion that it was very likely he would never see you again in his lifetime after Order 66. He never quite made his peace with that and couldn’t believe in what was happening. He thought he was hallucinating. There you were, in all your beauty and grace. Your y/h/c hair was messy, y/e/c eyes red from fatigue and your brown robes dusty. Even like that you still managed to look as elegant as always.

Kenobi took a hesitant step towards you, fearing that you might disappear any second. You didn’t. He took another step closer and you jumped into his arms.

“I’ve missed so much, Obi-Wan!” You blurted out as tears of joy started streaming down your face. You held onto him tightly and sobbed and cried your heart out. As he came to reality, he too embraced you and buried his face in your neck. It wasn’t just a dream. You were indeed here. In his arms. Right where you belong.

“Y/N… I am so happy you’re actually here. You can’t imagine how bad it was being alone like this!” He lifted you up and spun around before putting you back on your feet.

You dried your tears, while he was holding you close to him by your waist. “Master Jedi, I… You… Just… Me…” You spent hours thinking about all the things you wanted to talk about with him but now as you finally had the chance to express yourself, your own mouth was failing you. You could not even make up one proper sentence.

“I-I’m… Umm… It’s been so long.”

“I know, I was afraid I would never see you again. I’m so glad that will not be the case.” He said with a blissful expression. You smiled at him and he kissed your forehead, sending a warm feeling to rush through your body.

“Obi… I could sense you. With the Force, I sensed you. I think.”

“I sensed you too. That’s why I came. I thought I was losing my mind. What would you be doing here, right? But now I see that my senses have not abandoned me yet.”

“No, they are still pretty decent.”

“Oh, decent you say? Well, what are you doing here anyway? I guess you’re not just stopping by to say hello to an old friend.”

“Actually, I ran out of supplies so I need to get some food and stuff. And I think I need to check this beauty for any damage.”

Obi-Wan frowned and touched his beard. “That is not the ship Bail Organa had given you. What happened to it and how did you get this one? It looks ancient.”

“Yeah, you really don’t wanna know how I got that. Maybe I’ll tell you later but it’s a long story that I don’t wanna get into right now.”

“If you think that would be for the best, I’ll leave it be. But come on. We’ll go to my little house and I’ll get you something to eat.”

“That would be so nice! I am starving! Um, but I shouldn’t leave her here unguarded.”

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing will happen to it. Trust me. And if anything does happen, I have my methods of getting it back.”

“Alright then. But um, I actually call her Soka. Because of the blue and white stripe there on the side.” Obi-Wan paused for a second, then smiled. With one of his arms around your shoulders, you two walked over to the house that he was apparently now living in. The place looked poor and you couldn’t help but think about the Jedi quarters you spent half your life in.

“That’s a whole another level, Kenobi. Even for you.”

“There wasn’t really much to be picking from.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll get you some soup.”

You sat down near a tiny window and pulled your legs to your chest. The heat reminded you of your childhood. How you used to help your mom with cleaning, cooking and then would go to play with Anakin and the other local children. Looking back at it now, you could tell that as much as it sucked, those were good times. Just you, your mamma and your big brother Ani. You signed at the thought, pictures from the past running through your head. Padmé, the handmaidens, Qui-Gon and young Obi-Wan with his cute padawan braid. He certainly did not enjoy it when you hopped next to him and started playing with it, asking him questions why is he letting grow only so small piece of his hair. A sad smiled appeared on your lips as you remembered the moment you met. He didn’t really believe in neither you or Ani and none of you could see how important you would become for each other. What a wonderful team you would make in the future. It wasn’t fair that it all fell apart out of nowhere.

“Here you go,” Obi-Wan said, holding out a bowl of soup, waking you up from your trance.

“Thank you.”

After you finished your meal and your stomach felt better and you and Obi-Wan were sitting next to each other, both trying to get a grasp of this situation. You haven’t seen each other in 5 years and it didn’t look like you accomplished much. Quite the opposite. Former Jedi Master looked dragged from his current life, you could see the wrinkles forming on his face. He looked a lot older now. For you, it was your eyes. Obi-Wan remembered how they would always light up whenever you had some crazy idea or simply when you were happy and oh, how he loved your smile! Your eyes had a sparkle in them whenever you smiled or laughed. Now? Your eyes felt cold, tired and filled with sorrow. As if you’ve grown tougher during the time of your separation. He pointed that out.

“That’s because I had to grow up. Suddenly I had no one to look after me and as you know my entire life I had someone by my side. Whether that be my mom, my brother or my master or… Padmé or you. Life had been hard on me, Obi. That’s just how it is. In my core, I feel the same but on the outside, I lost a lot of my faith. But don’t play it on me. You’re damaged too.”

“I am not denying that.”

“Speaking of which, how do you like living on Tatooine?”

He laughed. “Like isn’t the word I would use. More like tolerate. But as you can see, I manage. Nobody’s visiting but sometimes I go to check up on Luke - much to your step-brother’s distaste when he notices me.”

Obi-Wan would swear on the Force that as he mentions Luke’s name, for a split second your eyes filled with that spark he thought you lost. Maybe you weren’t that doomed after all.

“Luke? My nephew? How is he? Is he tall already? I mean, I know, he’s 5 but is he okay? Are they taking good care of him?”

“Not to worry, milady. They are maybe too protective of him but he’s not actually lacking anything. He’s in good hands.”

“What does he look like? Does he have brown hair like Padmé or is he blonde?”

Obi-Wan was amused by your interest in your nephew. He knew you would ask him about Luke but he didn’t realise how eager you would be to find out more about him. “As far as I am concerned, he is blonde. He’s just like his father with blue eyes and I am sure he’s going to be an excellent pilot. Not like someone.” He gave you a side-glace and you looked at him in disbelieve. Is he really challenging me like this?

“Of course! Make fun of my flying skills! You know, I got better since the Clone Wars and I no longer crash-land as you could see back there.”

“I am never going to forget the moment when you almost killed us while landing and Anakin turned at me and said: ‘See, master? And you complain about my flying!’ I will always remember the face you made! And you didn’t want to talk to us the entire day.”

“You two totally deserved it! Don’t try to sugar-code it!”

“Silent treatment never resolved anything, Y/N. Besides, you could have us all killed.”

“No, we are not going down that road. I did save you so shut it, Jedi! I too have some tricks up my sleeve - you are not as perfect as you think you are.”

“Oh is that so? I thought I was being completely irresistible!”

Your body unintentionally reacted with a flush on your cheeks to his statement. Mostly because it was absolutely true and thanks to the fact that you ran out of ideas of how to out-sass him, you just proclaimed: “Okay, I give up.”

“And what were you doing this whole time? I suppose, you still don’t want to tell me the story behind the ship.”

“Well, no. But I was mostly just moving around the Outer Rim. Nothing too special. I wanted to stay off the radar for as long as possible and I think I was quite good at it. You know, putting my stealth-mastery into practice once again. You wouldn’t be proud of me though. I tried to be true to what I was taught since I was nine. To be a good person and to protect peace in the places I went to and I tried to suppress my emotions about all this but… I couldn’t do that. I thought that the Republic were the good guys and I thought that the Jedi, although not exactly always right, were too the good guys. We had each other’s back and now all of that is gone and call me stupid or naive for having hart time adjusting to that. Sometimes it just gets too rough and too much to take, knowing that all of what I was fighting for tumbled down… I’m sorry, it’s just been getting to me lately.”

Obi-Wan put a hand on your shoulder. “I understand. It wasn’t easy for neither of us but it was worse for you. I know how miserable you were when Yoda told you that you should stay out of Luke and Leia’s lives.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s bothering me.”

“What is it then? I am here, you can talk to me about anything. I might not have the solution but I am listening. If that’s enough?”

You were tense. How would you tell him this? How were you supposed to say it out loud? You could still see it in front of your eyes and it was haunting you in your dreams. Never in a million years would you thought that this would happen. After all that you’ve been through you thought he knew better and a part of you still felt like he didn’t deserve it. You closed your eyes to calm yourself down.

You swallowed. “Have you felt… something? Even if it was just in the back of your head…Do you know anything about Anakin?”

Now Obi-Wan knew what you meant. His hand rubbed your back as he sighed. He heard about him a couple of weeks ago. Anger, sadness and helplessness were boiling inside him. He thought Anakin died on Mustafar and when he overheard that Darth Vader was actually causing some problems out there in the Galaxy, he was horrified.

“I found out some time ago. I couldn’t believe it.”

You bit on your lip to stop the sobs coming out from your throat. Salty water blurred your vision. Your heart was aching. You somehow always felt that he wasn’t killed, the feeling of your brother was still present but to learn that he is now a huge threat in the galaxy was not only shocking but also tragic and traumatizing. You blinked and teardrops fell down. You quickly brushed them away and took three deeps breaths.

“Forgive me my sentiment but… It’s hard to deal with that because I remember all those times during the Clone Wars and despite the fact that it was a war, it was actually… Some of the best time of my life. We lost our friends, we were shaken and not once and we risked our lives for a better cause and we were heroes thanks to that but we… We had each other. Me, Anakin, Padmé and you. Even Ahsoka and Rex and Cody! It felt like a family. Yeah, a very dysfunctional family but… It was something to let you know where you belong… Where home is. If I wasn’t on a mission with Ani and Snips, I’d be with Padmé or you, just having the time of my life. It wasn’t perfect but if I knew what was to come, I would certainly more appreciate it then! Now I just…” You covered your face in your palms, crying. “I wish I could just forget that this is happening.” Echoed your voice from behind your hands.

Kenobi felt your despair and pulled you into him, letting you cry your feelings out while holding you in his arms. He himself didn’t exactly process the events yet, but he knew that you needed his support right now much more than he needed yours. He waited for you for five long years and he was ready to wait for next 50 if it meant he could see you one more time. Now he didn’t want to make your issues seem smaller because he felt betrayed too. He wanted to help you get through this so he kept on rocking you back and forward until you looked up. He caressed your cheek and lightly kissed your forehead. He was well aware of what your supposed family meant for you so he decided to let you feel like you still have at least a part of it. Because you do. Dispite his Jedi teaching, he would never let you go.

“Tomorrow I’m going to take you to see Luke. Owen will probably throw us out but if it is going to help you, I’ll take you there.”

“Thank you, Obi-Wan. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it, Y/N.”

You melted into his embrace and listened to his heartbeat. He was a soothing presence to you. He’s always been. After getting over your depressive emotions, you found a warm feeling creeping up from inside you. You buried it deep down so it wouldn’t bring you pain while you and Obi were apart. As you were so close there, it was coming back up to the surface. This time, though, there was no Code, no Jedi Council, no forbidden attachments to make you feel wrong about what you felt. Obi-Wan sensed this change in mood and smiled to himself. He felt it coming back too.

After you both showered - separately, may I add, we’re not there yet - and changed into more comfortable clothes, you decided to go to sleep. He insisted you keep the bed to which you replied: “Obi-Wan, there’s no way you’re sleeping on the floor and I want to feel like I am not alone in here so just… Are you up for cuddles? Please? I need my cuddling buddy back.”

He just shook his head in amusement and didn’t say anything. He couldn’t reject you at this point. Not to mention that when you were together on missions to deal with some Jedi business with no one around, snuggles were on a daily basis. Although I must say, there was one time when Anakin appeared out of the blue, saw you two getting way too close for friends and wouldn’t shut up about it for a week. It was kind of cue though.

Obi-Wan tugged himself under the sheets next to you on his not-so-comfortable bed and lay on his back. You put your arm around him and placed your head on his chest. His heartbeat was steady and calming. Even though you were tired, you couldn’t close your eyes to fall asleep. You had to wonder what is Luke like and what will you feel when you see him. You held him once when he was born and couldn’t help but wonder if he is Force-sensitive too. It would be only logical.

“Obi-Wan?”

“Umhm…”

“Do you think that Luke and Leia should be raised to be Jedi?”

“Well, I hope so. I don’t know about Leia but Luke is so much like Anakin when he was a child, it would surprise me if he wouldn’t grow up to be one.”

“Who’s going to show him?”

“I am. If you’ll stay, you can help.”

You tighten your grip around him. “I don’t know. The problem is that I and Ani had such a bond through the Force and I still feel him and I fear that if I stay here, he may be able to find me.”

“Why would he come back to the planet that represents everything he despises? Slavery, his mother’s death, sand.”

“I know but he had the chance to kill me before as a Vader and he didn’t. What if the Sith have some plans with me? What if they want me to turn to the Dark side?”

“I highly doubt that would happen.” He protectively put his arms around you. “Mace Windu taught you about the Dark side and when they could turn you to it completely, they had no interest in doing that. Why would they suddenly change their minds?”

“I don’t know. I guess you’re right but the possibility of hurting you or Luke is making me go nuts.”

“I understand that but again, Anakin knew that even with your knowledge of the Force and with our feelings for each other being strictly against the Code, you stayed loyal to the Order. Even now when things are so uncivilized, you still decided not to turn, that shows your strength and even if Vader senses you, he will see that.”

“You mean he would rather kill me than try to turn me? Yeah, cool, can’t wait.”

“You know what I meant. You don’t need to worry about him. If he comes, which he won’t, he’ll have to get over me first, anyway.” He kissed your hair and whispered: “Good night, my love.”

You spent so much time in space and on cold planets that now walking around the sands of Tatooine was an absolute horror. You were sweating and thirsty and the two suns high on the sky were blinding your vision. You and Obi were on your way to Owen and Beru’s moisture farm. You never saw or met them but Ani told you about them. He blamed them a little bit for not searching for Shmi and you couldn’t help but feel the same. You were sure they were good people but at the same time maybe if they did something more, your mom would be still alive. You knew these thoughts were not the Jedi way but let’s face it, you and your brother were never the perfect examples of the Jedi.

Obi-Wan stopped and pointed into the distance where you could see a small dot on the horizon.

“That is where they live but maybe you should go on your own. Owen isn’t really fond of me and if you arrive alone and say that you are his step-sister, he’s probably gonna let you in. I’ll wait for you somewhere here.”

“Okay. Thank you, Obi-Wan. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome but umm, I changed my name.”

“You changed your name? To what?”

“I call myself Ben Kenobi now.”

You sighed. “Satine used to call you that.”

He just nodded and you smiled at him. She meant so much for him when they were young that you understood why he did that. He wanted to pay her some tribute. Besides, you would have done the same if you were at his place.

“Well, Ben, wish me luck.”

He squizzed your hand and started to walk away. You swallowed and walked the other way, towards your distant family house. You were nervous and excited at the same time. You desperately wanted to meet Luke but you didn’t know what would Owen and Beru think about you being there. As you almost reached your destination, a sight in front of you made you stop in your tracks. There was a little blonde boy sitting in sand playing with some droid parts. He didn’t seem to notice you so you stood there amazed. He looked exactly like his father. You felt tears of happiness mixed with nostalgia burn in your eyes. You covered your mouth as Luke’s toy fell apart and he mumbled under his breath. You sniffed and made your way to where he was sat.

Luke turned around startled. “Hello. Who are you?”

“Hi…” you whispered, gaining strength to speak more. “Umm, you’re Luke Skywalker, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am. But I asked you first.” He made a grimace of childish anger and you had to smile. You dropped to his level and held out your hand. “My name is Y/N Skywalker.”

His expression changed. Obviously he knew that name and kept on wandering his eyes between your hand and your face. 

“You are my dad’s sister?”

You nodded.

“Uncle and aunt told me about you. They said you would never come.” He took your hand and held onto it.

“I am sorry. For everything. I am so sorry, Luke. You were supposed to live with your parents somewhere else and enjoying your life very differently.”

“I like it here.” He was genuine but you knew that one day this place would be too tiny for him.

“Okay.” You stroke his cheek and you sensed the Force in him but he pulled away.

“I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

That hurt. You were a stranger. He didn’t know you and even if you loved your nephew so much, this was the first time he saw you.

“That’s right, you shouldn’t. I hope that one day I won’t be a stranger to you anymore but for now… It was lovely to meet you, Luke.”

“Sure. It was lovely to meet you too, umm…Should I call aunt Y/N?”

“That’d be great.”

“What would be great?” 

Both your heads shot up as you heard a voice. There was a man with scruffy in grey robes and he looked mad.

“Luke, come here.”

“It’s okay, uncle. This is Y/N. She’s my dad’s sister. You told me about her.”

You stood up and Owen frowned at you. He shook your hand, though he was suspicious.

“Luke is telling the truth. I am Anakin Skywalker’s sister and just came to say hello. I never had a chance to properly meet him and I stopped by and I couldn’t go without meeting my nephew. You too. From what I understand, you are my step-brother. Thank you for taking care of the boy.”

Owen crossed his arms over his chest. “Kenobi told you where to find us?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No. I’m glad that we finally met but I don’t want your Jedi stuff anywhere near Luke. His parents had life bad enough and I don’t want him to get hurt like they and you did.”

You blinked confused. You sensed Luke’s connection to the Force and you knew he would become aware of it sooner or later. “We got burned. Many times, I admit but neither Ben Kenobi nor I mean any harm to him or to you.”

“I believe you. On the other hand, why add insult to injury?”

A sandstorm was raging outside. You were supposed to be on your way by now but something always came into it, making it impossible for you to leave the planet. You’ve been living with Obi-Wan for 9 days now and as much as you were scared something unfortunate was going to happen because of your sibling bond, you couldn’t deny how your mood improved over time. You finally had a moment to breathe, to live, to drop the worries because when he was around simply being himself, it was so easy to forget the reality. It would come back to hit you later but when he was telling you stories, he heard in the Mos Eisley Cantina and you two would laugh, it didn’t matter. When you two cooked and tried to combine both of your (anti)talents, sometimes it resulted in friendly arguments and spilt tea. At night, you would fall asleep in each other’s arms only to wake up to the warmth of the body next to you and the calming feeling of safety. If there would be anyone to witness it, they’d say they’re watching a married couple doing normal things. It felt right being there, being like that, although it was a bit strange at first. It made you feel wanted, welcomed and loved. It gave you a sense of much-needed belonging. Little did you know that Obi-Wan felt the same.

It was already late at night but you couldn’t sleep and the sandstrom made you feel uncomfortable. It had been 15 years since the last time you experienced one and you didn’t like remembering it. It brought up old fears to the surface. Lucky for you, though, former Jedi Master managed to stay up as well to keep you company.

“Will you finally tell me where did you get the ship?”

You smirked. “From a friend.”

“A friend? What friend?”

“Don’t be jealous.”

“I am not! I am just… curious.”

You turned to sit on the bed face to face with him. “We’re not the only survivors of the Purge. There are more Jedi in the galaxy.”

“I knew we couldn’t be the only ones!” His eyes filled with hope.

“I met a guy called Kal Cestis. He was a padawan when it happened. He helped me to get my new ship. Not exactly new but better than nothing since my original one broke down.”

“Hmm… Interesting. Do you know anything about Ahsoka?”

“Unfortunately no. I haven’t seen her anywhere. Not that I’ve been to many places but if she’s alive, she’s hidden well.”

“I don’t think she gave up like that. She must be somewhere out there.”

“I really hope that she is. I miss her.”

“We both do,” Obi replied and caressed your cheek. You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. It was an intimate moment that you decided to delve into.

Obi-Wan was watching you, trying to print this image in his memory. He never wanted to forget you and the way you made him feel. It was precious and sacred to him. You were captivating, graceful and he was thanking the Force every day for bringing you back into his miserable life. He didn’t deserve you and yet he never wanted to let go off you. He couldn’t. He knew it was selfish of him to want you all for himself but he was too attached.

“Y/N?”

“Um?” You opened your eyes to look into his. You were cantured by his intense gaze and your lips parted. You weren’t used to him staring at you like that as if you were the most devine creature in the galaxy and your cheeks turned the deepest shade of pink.

“Can I kiss you?”

Your stomach flipped and your held your breath for a second. You blinked several times before placing your hand over his, still resting on your cheek. “Yes.” was a simple word but there was so much more behind it.

Obi-Wan lowered his head to your level and cupped your face to pull you to him. You couldn’t believe it. After so many years of loving this man and having to hide it, you were able to finally express it. You waited for him to softly press his lips to yours. It was sweet, slow and filled with so much emotion. All of the unsaid ‘I love you’s, all of the suppressed feelings, all of it finally blossemed into this special moment. Electricity ran through both of you at the slight touch. It was new and you couldn’t quite put a finger on this feeling inside you. It was your first kiss after all! Obi-Wan was your first crush, first love, now first kiss and most definitelly he was going to be your first also in another way.

He pulled away to see your reactions but you didn’t let him. Your hands shifted to his neck and brought him back to you. He started kissing you properly this time and let himself loose. Deepening the kiss, he found himself hovering over you and soon you were lying under him. You both laughed as your back hit the bed. He kissed you one more time and lay down onto his side next to you. You stared in his eyes that reflected all the kindness in the world.

“Y/N, I know where you stand, I know Master Yoda told you to stay away from Luke and Leia and I know that you’re afraid what would happen if you stay here longer but please. We’ll figure it out somehow… I love you, Y/N. I have for years now.” He brushed your hair out of your forehead and played with it for a while. “I can’t let you go after this. I won’t. I wanted to be with you for so long and now that we are finally allowed to be ourselves freely, I am begging not to go. Please.” 

“I have already made up my mind and I am not backing up.”

He kissed the tip of your nose to shut you and took your hand in his. “Yes. It is up to you in the end. I can’t make decisions for you, I know. I don’t want you to go but the last thing that I do want is to be forcing you into something. Even if you'll leave… I promise that I will wait for you. I have waited ages, I can wait a little longer. I’d really rather not but you are worth it, stars.”

“Obi-Wan…”

He smiled sadly and it broke your heart. He was giving you freedom even when he was lonely. He was fully aware of your stubborness but this time you gave in.

“You are the love of my life. You’ve always been. I have loved you so much all this time and I always will. I want to stay but I am too scared that something’s gonna happen to you or to Luke so I… I thought about it and…” You squeezed his hand. “I decided to cut myself of from the Force so that I could have a life with you.”

“What?!”

“I have made my peace with it. I am like a beacon to Vader if he decides to search for me, this is the only way I can have what I want. You.”

Obi was staring in disbelief. You just decided what your faith was going to be and Obi-Wan was the happiest man alive. He was shooked at first but soon happiness and pure joy took over him and he hugged you, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. You pulled him even closer to you as you let the sandstorm outside be completelly forgotten. 

It’s been about a week since you and Obi were living officially together in your new home. It wasn’t ideal nor perfect but hey! What is in this galaxy, right?

You were walking hand-in-hand from a town where you successfully sold your ship, Soka. It was a little sad since she reminded you of your adveture with Kal and of your friend Snips but at the same time, you were most likely never going to need her again. Hopefully.

The two suns were shinning bright, tanning your skin. The course and rough sand was cracking underneath your weight as you walked. The dry air made you thirsty and at some point you couldn’t help but cough. You two were wandering around the place without putting much thought into it and before you knew it, you pauzed.

“Won’t we reach the spot were you first landed on Tatooine if you continue walking that way?”

“I think we will.”

“So this is where it all started. The Skywalker’s journey straight to the botom!”

“Not straight.”

You gave him a you-know-what-I-mean look.

“I’m just teasing. Sorry, Y/N.”

“You always are, I don’t mind but... Actually, you know what? I think I want to change my name too.”

“What? Why? Your name is so lovely!”

“Because it is my choice, not yours, mine. I guess I want to asociate myself with something different. I want to disconnect from my past and focus on the future. Luke’s gonna carry on the Skywalker legacy. It wouldn’t fair if no one carried on yours. Besides, Y/N Kenobi sounds pretty great, doesn’t it?”

Obi-Wan was staring at you with open mouth. “You want to take my last name?”

You put your arms around his shoulders. “I do. I mean, you’re not getting married but still you can take this as a sign of my devotion. I truly, deeply love you and I want to be all yours - body, soul, even the surname.”

He didn’t know exactly how to react to that, so he just crashed his lips onto yours. He was astonished. “I love you so much, my sweet Y/N. You are the greatest thing that happened to me. Although not the name, I am yours too. Body and soul.”

You pulled him into a tight embrace. People passing you by were giving you strange looks but it’s not like any of you cared. You simply stayed in the moment, forgetting all your worries. It was a promising day for you two, after all. Promising for your relationship but most importantly it meant a new start. It was an enterance to a brighter state of existance and a new stage in life. A stage where you could finally be a little selfish and build a life for yourselves. A life where your and Obi’s love, was the only thing that mattered.

[cirocchio]

Get To Know The Writer!

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Ian

PRONOUNS: She / Her.

ZODIAC SIGN: Spiritually sagittarius

TAKEN OR SINGLE: dating ♡

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

I’m LOVE languages and learning fun things and facts about it... my brain power is not much but i like to hear about quirky facts and constructions and expressions in other languages. My 100% amor language is sssssspanish bc that’s where i had the Time of my Life (tm)

i am a huge nerd for lord of the rings and will 100% find a screencap/meme format for every occasion that is lotr related. i am also that loser who will tell u ‘did u know viggo broke his toe in that scene’ or ‘this is one of PJ’s cameos look’ or ‘this is elijah wood’s sister’ etc. etc. you name it i will drop all the facts no problem.

im big romantic bc i love all the romance stories period dramas fantasy romances shoujo stories otome games... but i have discovered that in real life im.... much more sceptic and tsundere but this has been knew and grumpy. lol. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE... my bf is the one with a shoujo mindset.

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

I started writing in uhh 2013-2014 with semi-self insert stuff and VERY BRIEFLY with Takumi from Nana. i very quickly decided i wanted an actual legit OC, took me a few weeks to come up with her ( its ciri! )( i dont remember exactly how long it took but i do explicitly recall that i was sketching her, and thinking about how to form her backstory, bc i was still staying in my old bedroom at home at the time & now ive moved to my brother’s old bedroom, like i can remember the EXACT moment when i was playing around with designs and was like ‘oh this is it... this ise the one... yea i found my bABY ). My oldest muse is actually Fintan though! He was there even before Ciri, though not by much. Fintan isn’t that easy for tumblr so he didn’t get nearly as much spotlight as Ciri, or other muses that came after him. but he’s ( clutches chest ) so ...pwetty...

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

I definitely prefer OCs over canon characters. I think that’s pretty clear. It’s not necessarily that i cant connect with canon characters! I’m very fond of my only remaining active canon muse, Camus ( though he’s trash. ew. ). I also have some other characters living / lurking in my head. But I.... hate fandoms. Lol. With OCs i’m more free to pick my audience, because there’s no fandom tagging behind you. You have to seek out the fandoms yourself as an OC, most  of the time. And I actually think that can be both an advantage & a disadvantage. Since I’m bitter & selective & old it’s an advantage for me lol; i get to choose who i follow without having fandoms i dislike constantly seeking me out. As for genders or archetypes, i dont think i have a real preference! though i do think its quite obvious from my other blog that i love the dark fantasy fairy tale-esque stuff.

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF: i love soft content. it’s great. LOVE IT. but you have to work for it. it’s better if it takes some time for fluff to appear; i don’t feel a good connection with it if it happens too fast. ( hey i know... ciri is a bird... it makes her fluffy... so its easier to have sof things with her BUT i do prefer if sof things have a bit of a buildup )

ANGST: also LOVE IT. not angst for the sake of angst though. angst for the sake of development. angst that goes deeper than just one single thread and it’s ‘resolved’. angst that nearly ruins everything :’)). bittersweet threads; bittersweet ships. mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm good shit. i think also bc my first main ship partner tortured me with extreme angstiness, that i’ve built a relatively high tolerance for angst ( but dont take my word for that ); she’s trained me you could say. so. you’re free to expose me to angst :^)) i can handle it :^))) or... i will expose yOU to it instead... ( flexes muscles )

SMUT: i can write it but some characters are more receptive to it than others. ciri for example is not very interested in it so i will only write it up to a certain point with her. in general i prefer to fade to black once we reach a certain point -- though also i tend to go with the flow once im into a thread, so i might actually break my own rule there if it ever gets that far lol. or i can continue on discord. but in any case smut doesn’t happen much.

PLOT / MEMES: both are good!! i prefer plots or at the very least, discussing back-and-forth what can happen between characters, because that will also help me answer to memes. i love to answer asks or memes! but i do sometimes have a hard time responding if i haven’t chatted much with the mun / there haven’t been many interactions. i guess everyone has that issue. but! i also think memes are good icebreakers! so it kind of depends.... huh. what i especially love is when a meme is being sent & the mun adds a lil extra spice for context; it helps me to respond better to the meme :>

tagged by: @cavusvitae

tagging ( if u want to / haven’t done so yet! ): @phantasmaw / @tenkoseiensei / @ardenssolis / @rcguna / @aaternum / @aaetherius / @saintg / @wyrdify / @autumnswordsman / @shackledsculs / @xarakaas