#sometimes i do feel bad for how lonely mori is

[dinosaur-mayonnaise]

perhaps the reason mori was so adamant about dazai and chuuya becoming partners was because he wished that for himself.

[selenacosmic]

Hope you are having a great day! Okay this request might be different than usual. What will be the warlords reaction if they have a adult son/children that like to prank them when they are older? Who is gonna laugh at it and who is gonna be unimpressed like "I give you 5 seconds to run" reaction?

Hi cherry! I hope you are having a nice day too! Thank you for the request.

The warlords’ children pranking them.

Oda forces.

Nobunaga Oda.

At first Nobunaga will react like the second option, glare at the children for the prank. Though it’s not because he is angry, more like he doesn’t get it.

He will do pranks back secretly and laugh at them, getting pay back at them.

Hideyoshi Toyotomi.

Hideyoshi will pull on their ears, scolding them for pulling pranks when he is so busy. But he will begin to feel bad since the children were only having fun and will play with them.

Mitsuhide Akechi.

He will just smirk at the children, more harmless pranks will make him chuckle and commend the children for the creativity. But sometimes he will just smile eerily and prank them back when they least expect it.

Ieyasu Tokugawa.

Ieyasu is the kind of parent that would get very annoyed and glare, scold the children for interrupting his work. But he will feel bad if the children cry and will comfort them.

Mitsunari Ishida.

Prank? Mitsunari won’t even realize he is being pranked, he will just want to play along with his children without noticing it.

Masamune Date.

Masamune will have a good laugh, encouraging his children to make more fun and creative pranks. He might even join them to pull pranks on others.

Keiji.

Keiji is a bit tricky, sometimes he will find the prank fun and not get mad at all, but there will be times where he will be annoyed and will tell them to quit it. He wouldn’t be angry though.

Ranmaru Mori.

Ranmaru would find the children adorable for trying to prank him, so he would pretend to fall for them. Naturally he would already know because of his ninja skills.

Uesugi-Takeda alliance.

Kenshin Uesugi.

Just like he is towards MC, kenshin is very protective and loving towards his children, so he hardly would get mad at them. But he would find it inconvenient sometimes. Kenshin would surprisingly not be too harsh with them.

Shingen Takeda.

He will know that his children are planning something, so shingen will prepare himself to act like he didn’t know anything. When he gets pranked, shingen will act a bit dramatically, which will make his children laughing, exactly like he was expecting.

Yukimura Sanada.

Yukimura is a fun parent to prank, he will have the funniest reactions to the pranks his children pull and will nag at them as they flee. Even when he gets to scold them he looks funny.

Yoshimoto Imagawa.

Yoshimoto isn’t very fond of certain pranks, and he will try nagging his children for it, though he will lack a bit of energy. It will be more annoyance rather than anger.

Sasuke.

Sasuke will know immediately if his children are planning to prank him and will begin to plan in his head many strategies on how to avoid it with his ninja skills, but in the end he will fail and will be caught in the prank.

Kanetsugu.

One look from him and the children will already begin apologizing while bowing, he will not be pleased with pranks. Though he will feel bad for being too harsh and will pat them to calm them down.

Lone forces.

Kennyo.

Kennyo will be confused, he is the kind of parent who will scold his children if they try pranking him with life lessons, but he won’t have the heart to be harsh on them.

Motonari Mouri.

Just for pulling a prank on him they are getting light hits on the head, Motonari will scold his children for the pranks.

Kichou

Kichou is also the kind of parent that, with just one look, manages to make his children regret pranking him. He wouldn’t go hard on the scolding, but he certainly wouldn’t be amused.

[cannibclheart]

Could I have general yandere headcanons for Kaoru and Mori senpai (separately) please?

Oo this was an interesting one. I love Mori and Kaoru, the unsung heroes of ohshc so I’m happy to do this. 

cw: manipulation, love bombing, kidnapping, abuse

— I think Kaoru is like a level 5 yandere, he’s more obsessive than anything.

— Kaoru, much more than his brother would be, is patient. Perhaps not to the same degree that Kyoya would be, but he’s willing to wait to a degree. After all, he wants you to come to him on your own terms. He wants you to want him.

— Kaoru doesn’t want to hurt his darling, and will most likely take any action to avoid doing so, but if push comes to shove he’s not above shoving you into a van and tying your hands behind your back. It’s just that he want you to understand that if you let him, he could give you the world.

— He would never physically abuse you though out of frustration. Kaoru would only allow himself to physically restrain you until you were begging to be let go and into his arms. After all, why would he want to damage such a beautiful body with something so ugly as a bruise? Still . . . he cannot help but think that the purple coloring that blooms across your thigh to be anything but art.

— The type of person Kaoru would get attached to is someone who sees him as his own person. Someone who will listen to him and try to help him through his problems and would consistently favor him over anyone else. Perhaps someone kind and a tad bit careless with their emotions.

— Having nothing of his own, he would hide you away like some grand secret ( even if he hadn’t kidnapped you yet). If he hasn’t taken you for his own yet, he’d use his tracking device to monitor you 24/7. And with your new phone, if you ever get too far away he’ll just send an emergency alert from “the government” telling you that something bad happened on X street and that one should avoid going there at all costs.

— Kaoru is the type of person to love bomb a person in moderation. Not like Tamaki who would bring you piles of gifts to your front door, but a designer handbag here, a new clutch there, a cute cat plant there. You know, small things.

— He’s always kind of shown you his true colors, and that’s one of the reasons why he loves you. Kaoru is polite and well mannered when needed, but boyish and mischievous when alone with you. But more than that, when he says “I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay here with me” you don’t even think twice. Of course you’ll stay with him longer, he’s your best friend after all.

— “Sometimes I think you’re the only person in the world who understand me.”

— “What should I do if you leave me, y/n?” A pause. “I hope we’ll never have to find out” he sighs into your shoulder as he hugs you from behind. You’re just friends, and you can understand where he is coming from.

— He’s fairly certain that you’ll fall in love with him. How could you not?

— I would say he’s about a level 7? Mori is a protective yandere

— He doesn’t say much because he doesn’t need to. His actions are much louder than his words anyway. There is something exhilarating about being the center of Mori’s world, the way everything seems to revolve around you as though you are the sun and he is simply a planet in orbit (even if his presence seems more magnetizing at times than yours).

— He loves you because you are adorable. The way your eyebrows scrunch in concentration, how your face lights up when you receive good news, how you seem to hop over to him when you see him across the room — you remind him of an animal that he feels he needs to take care of.

—  For as stoic as Mori appears to be, I imagine him as someone who loves public displays of affection. Perhaps it’s an act of rebellion against his own self imposed image, but how could he not want to hold your hand, so lonely without his to envelop it in his own. It’s much like the feeling of seeing a cute puppy you can’t help but want to pet. 

— He wants to own you, possess you, protect you. Them more time you spend out of his sight, the more panicked it seems like he becomes. It’s only when he’s next to you that he feels like the world is right again.

— Similar to how when Mori is more flirtatious when he’s tired, I think he lets the more possessive side of him show when he is tired as well. Taking a nap on the couch? He’ll call you over and force you to become his own personal teddy bear, holding onto you so tightly you can’t escape. As you lie together on the bed you cannot help but notice how strong his form is, how easily he could crush you if he wanted to.

— Mori isn’t someone who relies on his family resources often which means that when he captures you, it’s all on his own. 

— He isn’t someone who easily resorts to violence, and he most definitely would not lay a hand on you. So when he finds the time suitable enough to hide you away, to protect you from the prying eyes of the outside world, he covers your face with a rag soaked in chloroform and lets you fall asleep in his arms.

— The people who ask about you later, who wonder where you could have gone, are met with silence. One particularly tenacious (former) suitor almost got close to finding you. It’s a tragedy they were never seen again, they had such a bright future.

[dreamkidddream]

Hello sunshine, would it be possible for you to write me some headcanons for my beloved Chuuya, Dazai and Atsushi? I was thinking about them having a fragil health s/o? Maybe they work an office job in the ada/pm and they somehow fall for the s/o? I hope this is no trouble and you have inspiration to write this. If you don't like this you can just ignore it. Thank you very much :)

Hi anon! Thank you for the request! So I’m assuming that when you say fragile health s/o is that the reader can get sick easily/overall very weak? I hope that I got the interpretation right, and I didn’t please feel free to send it in again so I can do it over for you. Reader is gender neutral, and hope you enjoy!

TW: Suicide (Dazai’s part, nothing heavy is mentioned, and it’s only in one line) and Abuse (Atsushi’s, nothing heavy is mentioned)

Easily Sick/Weak S/O with: Chuuya, Dazai, and Atsushi

Chuuya

Oh man, he hated this feeling. He already hated you even working in the Port Mafia (even though he was there too), but he hated it even more since you were weak physically

Don’t get him wrong, Chuuya knows that you’re a strong person through and through, but it was so easy for you to get hurt or sick working on the field, it honestly made him worried

What also made him worried was how he was falling for you and quickly. He’s an executive! He doesn’t have the time for romance, and what if (really when if because he wants you so bad you have no idea) someone decides to come after you because of your ties with him? It was already so easy for him to lose you now, he didn’t want to chance things and speed up the process

But, you were just...a really great person. You were determined, always kept your head up, didn’t take anything from anyone (you backtalked Mori once and still walked away with your throat intact, so that was a sign), and it didn’t help that you were really easy on the eyes (he couldn’t help it, you were already attractive, and those things were just icing on the cake for him)

Chuuya didn’t know how you could stand being in a stuffy office all day, so he always stopped by to check on some “information” for some “case he’s working on). It started out genuine, but then it became a daily occurrence, even on his rare days off. 

One thing about him is that he’s a true gentleman, he knows how to treat his partner right. Bringing lunch to you, flowers sitting on your desk for no reason with a random note (”Hope you have a good day”, “Saw these when I was out, made me think about you”, “These don’t even compare to how beautiful you are, inside and out”, etc.), driving you home no questions asked, even offering you his favorite bottle of wine to share

He knows that he’s being cheesy but he was pulling out all the stops just for you

He knew it was risky for you to be out all the time, so whenever he did finally ask you on an “official” date (you thought sharing his wine was a date but he said that he wanted to show you off, not just in the office), you guys were either in a fully reserved restaurant or at his place. Seriously the way his place looks was like luxury! Damn you knew his job paid good money but wow! This was better than going out honestly

He confessed when you went over to his house one night. It was a particularly rough day for you both, and you just needed some reassurance which Chuuya was happy to give. It seemed like he went on for hours, but really it wasn’t too long, and you were in tears by the end of it. When he ended it with, “anyone would be beyond lucky to have you (Y/N), and I wish it were me. I wish I would have the chance to show you how much I really do love you, words aren’t enough for me. I’ll take the chance if you let me, and I swear you won’t regret it. Be mine, (Y/N), I’ll treat you like you deserve, and you deserve more than the world.”

You both understood the risks that came with dating you, but he swore that he would protect you with his life. If you did get sick, he couldn’t be there for you during the day because of his work, but he made sure to text you every hour on the hour to check on you and as soon as he got home, it was caretaker mode until you both went to bed

He bought you your medicine, the fluffiest pillows ever known to man, I mean did everything and anything. The dude was loaded, money was not an issue obviously

Chuuya is a great boyfriend, and will honestly do anything it takes to keep you safe and happy. He loves you after all, and he doesn’t mind all the extra work that comes with it (he doesn’t even see it as work, just precautions, which still isn’t a problem)

Dazai

He was not only worried about your health and safety, but also the fact that he was falling for you. Dazai was a very secretive person who didn’t like to show his true feelings, and he was scared of what he’s feeling for you. Him being attached and actually caring about people never paid off for him, as his past would tell you...

But here you were, being a bright, shining light in his cruel, bleak, dark world. He tried to keep his distance at first, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to you. You were so fun to be around, despite your condition! You always helped as much as you could in the office, being the first one to pick up on his work when he was too lazy busy to complete it and having reports ready for any meetings, even on short notice. You looked out for him, both as a coworker and as a caring friend, and he could tell

You even helped him annoy Kunikida sometimes, which just made you even more stunning in his eyes

He felt himself falling for you more and more everyday, finding excuses to stay in the office just to be next to you. “(Y/N), please don’t strain yourself my dear! Let me handle this for you, I would be a terrible suitor if I didn’t.” “Dazai, I just have to staple these- nevermind, thank you my knight wrapped in bandages!” 

Kunikida would of course hate this and drag him out every time, but all that it concluded in was Dazai whining and complaining about how it was so unfair that he was being kept from his “precious (Y/N)” and how they must be so lonely without him. It got to a point where Kunikida made a compromise with him: if he actually does some work and help on the field missions, then he can spend more time with you in the office

I feel like they forget that Dazai is actually crazy smart and most likely already knows the culprits to whatever cases that they are handling, and he was definitely waiting for this outcome. No extra work for him and more time with you. It’s a win-win!

When he does eventually accept that he was in too deep, he started to take his advances in a more serious manner (I mean he was always being serious but he was not going to hold back anymore). He’s a great listener, so anything that said wanted that was said in passing conversation, expect it to be on your desk with a little sticky note. You had a strong craving for something? What do you know, Dazai brought just enough for both of you to share (and he gave you the bigger portion of it). You want to go see the stars? Sounds like the perfect date night for you two!

That’s how he actually confessed to you, right underneath the stars. It was perfect, you guys were away from everyone, having an amazing time just stargazing. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at peace, and you were to thank for that. He knew that while he was risking his life on a daily basis, but you were constantly fighting for yours. You couldn’t even go on a mission with how easy it was for you to get an injury you couldn’t recover from. But he had faith in you and in himself, that he wouldn’t let another person that he cares for perish in front of him. He made that promise to you, and that he would do everything in his power to keep it. He will not fail you

After that night, your dates were usually held at your place, and it ranged from cooking together to having movie nights. You didn’t have to spend money really, you were both fine in the house in each other’s arms. And if you did get sick, you thought he was clingy before, WHEW did it get more intense

You had to push him off of you too many times to count. What part of NO HUGS did this man not get?! You were already suffering, he didn’t need to either. He did try to make this a double suicide opportunity though, and you were not very happy

Was banned from cuddles for 3 weeks straight, it was pure torture for him

You were Dazai’s distraction from this horrible joke he called a life, and he was welcoming of you. He embraced you, never complained about your weakness or anything. You were someone that he can proudly say that he loves, and that won’t ever change

Atsushi

He was so nervous, so scared. He doesn’t even know how to look everyone in the eye, how was he suppose to admit that he started to like you more than a friend?!

Atsushi was in love with you, I mean he was in deep. He couldn’t help it! You’re just so nice, so easy to talk to, always there to give him a pep talk and just keep him in high spirits. It just wasn’t fair what hand life had dealt you. He wanted to spend time with you outside of the office, but due to your delicate situation, he was so scared to. What if the Port Mafia tried to strike and he wasn’t strong enough or quick enough to protect you? He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if you died because of him. He wouldn’t be able to live-

So he tried (keyword: tried) to spend time with you at work. But with Kunikida on his ass about work, and Dazai being Dazai making his life difficult for his own amusement, made it difficult. Every time he got a chance, before he could even speak a word, someone needed him for something. If he did somehow had the spare time to talk to you, he would either choke or say something that he really meant but chickened out last minute and tried to change it (which was kinda your fault, you like to tease him sometimes too)

“So, um, (Y/N). I remembered that you said you liked that one takeout spot, so if you want I can bring you some back?”

“You would do that for me, Atsushi? Wow, it’s almost like you’re like my boyfriend!”

“Yep, I don’t mind! It makes me happy when you’re hap-w-WAIT HU-“

But besides that, he always checked on your whenever he got back from his missions (even if he was the one injured and bleeding), brought you back small trinkets or food, and always walked you home, not caring if it was out of his way

He hated that you were confined to the office majority of your time working, but he was worried that literally anything could and would happen on his watch, and he didn’t want to risk it. With Kyoka tired of watching him in distress and even Dazai showing a sliver of compassion for him, they helped him set up an inside date

But first, he had to ask you. Dazai wanted him to do some elaborate, over the top, proposal for asking you out (which Atsushi was pretty sure that he just wanted him to panic and embarrass himself) and Kyoka suggested that he gets you tofu (which he was also convinced that she just wanted some again). He decided that he was just going to have to suck it up, and do it himself. He has been through Hell and back, and if he survived that, then he could ask you on a date damn it!

So he finally got some courage, and directly went up to your desk. When you looked up, you flinched back. What was with the intense look in his eyes?! But you realized soon enough when he bowed and asked you to come over for a date. And of course you said yes!

The date was marvelous, and the poor boy was sweating so much you thought he was going to pass out! Whatever Dazai and Kyoka did to the place blew his expectations out of the water. Latern lights strung up along the walls, your favorite meals readied, little messages stuck to the wall made just for you, and the biggest/most comfortable blanket fort that you had ever seen. It sounded so simple, but one look into your eyes and you were overjoyed. He really did mean it that it made him happy that you were happy

He confessed with you snuggled into his side, so anxious yet at ease. Despite everything that he has gone through, you were brave too. You were stuck in that stressful environment, had a body that could quit on you after one bad day, yet you still encouraged him every day, every time you spoke to him after he’s had a bad day, or an encounter with Akutagawa. He was so convinced that he didn’t you, that he didn’t deserve anything good in his life after the abuse he endured at the orphanage. But you didn’t let him believe that for a second, and he’s indebted to you for that

He poured his heart out to you that night, and ever since, he’s been a lot more confident, both in his ability and in himself. You gave him that push in the right direction to trust himself more, and everyone could see the change (Dazai was pretty proud to be honest)

Dates after that were spent at his apartment, relaxing. Once in a blue moon, you guys would go to the arcade where he won you guys matching Tiger phone charms (he was a little embarrassed but he loved you and the charms too much to let it affect him)

If you did become ill, he would panic so bad that you had to bring him back down to Earth while hacking up a lung (not literally but it felt like it). He tries his best, he’s a little shaken because of how distraught he would get due to your fragile body, but he does care for you pretty well. If you need anything, he was too scared to leave you so Kyoka would be his go-to (with the promise of tofu afterwards)

(But don’t worry she’s a little worried for you too)

Atsushi knew he could never forget the horrors that he experienced at the orphanage, but you reminded him of the strength he had to not let it hold him back. He was your hero without a doubt, but you were his in the sense of how strong you really are, and how you didn’t know or believe it when he told you. You became an overall positive influence on his life, and helped him see life a little brighter and more meaningful. He loves you more than you could imagine, and he would continue to prove it to you in everything that he does.

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Okay so I know I definitely do this to much but I don't think anybody else is requesting to you so I feel bad tiny child.

I'm looking but I see no x readers on your personality 😡 this is a sin. So I request you go have fun writing for a reader with a bubbly yet shy and reserved personality.

Thank you,

Your concerned friend.

P.s my dear friend I plan on requesting another today 🙃

I’m doing this as headcanons though! Oh, and I’m gonna do your personality too… probably after this kk! i’m lazy rn so it’s not editted 100%...

Random personality HC

| Chuuya x bubbly/childish reader |

How the two of you got into a relationship

Probably stayed far away from you at first :(

Probably because you seemed a lot to handle.

Though when you get paired on a mission he’s hesitant to accept the mission.

When he sees how easily you can trick your targets into thinking you're harmless due to how child-like you seem, he’ll be kinda intrigued.

It probably took a while for him to figure you were bearable.

Once he starts interacting, he's dug himself in and was unable to escape you.

You were the one who got him to start hanging out with you

You pester him a lot but it’s not an annoying pester it’s more something he understands

Like it’s kinda like saying “I'm lonely, everybody else is kinda ignoring me, so I’m gonna try and get attention from you because I have seen that you kinda like me?”

He probably noticed how despite how bubbly and childish you are, you're not exactly hyper? Like, you tend to stay in a corner at events and hide.

Though if he talks to you for even a moment you are suddenly full of energy and your personality is on display.

Normally he hates people like that but you know how to not make it annoying.

He would never admit it, but he enjoyed your company and became rather protective over you.

Sometimes you’ll catch him watching you from afar.

He was the one to initiate physical contact.

But once he showed you he didn’t mind being touched you were all over him.

He was surprised how much you like affection, he probably likes giving attention (this boy is touch starved, fight me)

He started to get teased by Kouyou about you.

It took him a month to figure out he actually wouldn’t mind being your s/o if you didn’t mind.

He asked you out on Valentine's Day. However, he took you to a really fancy restaurant.

Bed life? Mainly sfw or nsfw?

Definitely nothing more than heated kisses.

He thinks of you as something way too precious and child-like

He does enjoy seeing you blush, so a few pecks on the neck or nuzzling his face in your chest will be fine.

If you ask about it, he'll be okay with it occasionally.

He likes cuddles

He really likes intimate cuddles.

Like he will hold you really close and keep your head on his chest while he puts his face in the crook of your neck.

If he could, he'd probably never move from that.

Just having you this close makes him feel warm and rather happy.

Dates?

He will go just about anywhere.

He’ll try it, but if he doesn't like the date he won’t be afraid to vocalize that.

If it's a special spot you really like he’ll put up with it once in a while to make you happy.

His favorite dates are at-home dates where he can get you to giggle.

At homes dates consist of a well-cooked meal, wine, movies, cuddles, tickles, and anything else the two of you want to do in this spare moment of time.

He does like taking you out to dinner in fancy restaurants considering he does make a decent amount of money.

Chores?

An even work between the two of you.

Things he likes doing with you?

It’s a guilty pleasure to take you shopping for your outfits.

He finds you adorable, so seeing you pout when something fits just a bit off or isn't the right color or doesn't match is something he adores.

He has everything memorized down to the preferred color, style, and weight of dresses, shoes, and accessories. For instance, if you prefer the dresses that hang loose but rise when you spin, he'll look for that exact style.

If there is ever something you want but can’t find in your size or if there is one single thing that bothers you about the outfit, he'll buy it for you secretly and have Kouyou do some work on it.

He likes to surprise you with perfect gifts

Anybody, he gets jealous with / hates seeing you around?

Mori… he refuses to let you near him if you're not accompanied.

I mean it’s kinda self-explanatory?

Mori is a pedo…

Even if you're not a child, and at times do act your age and dress it, he doesn't trust it.

He’s probably being paranoid and a bit weird, but even you (probably) feel grossed out when you see him with Elise.

As for jealousy? I see him as a naturally jealous person.

So he probably can’t stand anybody being close to you.

If somebody flirts with you or touches you without your consent?

I can hear the anger from here

Pray (if you pray that is) for the person who tried to hit on you.

Like, he’s a jealous and protective person sooo

A- he’ll wind his hands to fists and glare for them to leave you alone

B- if they don't stop, he'll pull you closer and tell them to f off.

C- as a final resort, he'll punch them.

All in all, he’d be a really great s/o

[arigatouiris]

remember... me? // nakahara chuuya x reader

Author’s Note: Being awol for so long could only mean I was drowning in Bungo Stray Dogs and am now a hoe for Chuuya and Dazai. No regrets. I’m on season three rn and I’m only going to go on and read the manga after this, so I’m just THIRSTY. Hope you like this!

Word count: 5k+

Pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x Reader

Summary: Ever since laying his eyes on you, Chuuya sensed a familiarity that almost suffocated him. The ever-growing sense of deja vu didn't disappear even as he had you locked in his arms, or even as he stayed away; there was no explanation to it, whatsoever. He wondered if love was an emotion that would constantly have him question every action, every thought, and every moment that occurred, but what did he know of love? But then again, what didn't he?

Warnings: angst to fluff, soft chuuya, mentions of sex, mentions of drinking alcohol, mentions of blood, swearing (because Chuuya ofc), slight amnesia? ah, you’ll see, ig that’s it? 

Even before you fell in love, you had always known that it was a bad idea. As unfortunate as you were, every time you felt a close connection with someone, it ended negatively. Whether it was the first boy you had ever kissed, who had broken your heart ruthlessly by kissing another boy a few days later, or the first person you thought you were in love with who had broken your heart by declining your proposal. Love had always left a remnant of displeasure and fear in your heart, and even without these experiences, you were certain that the concept of love was scary as it was. It wasn't as if Nakahara Chuuya was any different. Well, at least, he wouldn't be.

As soon as you opened your eyes, you noticed how the sun blossomed right outside your window. You knew from the telltale signs of dawn that it was your cue to leave; getting dressed would take less than 30 seconds, and heading out the door would take another 30. In less than two minutes, you'd be out of Nakahara Chuuya's hair, and live your life without the worry of any unnecessary attachment sticking to your psyche. However, for a moment, you lay there, admiring the lone tear that leaked out of his left eye, and you mindlessly wiped it away before it reached his cheek. You wanted to smile at his apparent softness, something you knew he'd try to hide with everything he had. You quietly got off the bed, careful not to throw the covers off his naked torso, and just as you were putting on your pants, your eyes darted to a very asleep Chuuya on the bed, obviously naked from the events of last night, before a thought crossed your mind—oh, how you'd kill just to linger around, but duty calls. A person so devastatingly afraid of love had no business to wish for fluff, it was just roll-call. A sigh exited your lips as you traversed on, mindful not to lay any loud step to awaken the sleeping beauty. To Chuuya, you were someone he had met just the night before, you weren't aware of his opinions on one night stands, but you were of the firm belief that they had to remain just one. Goodbye, Chuuya, you thought before sneaking out the door, almost as easily as you came in.

When Chuuya woke up, he smelt you. He felt a long-forgotten feeling at the back of his eyelids as if he had cried—but Chuuya stopped doing that long ago. He never cried again, he had seen and lived through too much even to consider letting his emotions loose. Yet, why had there been that feeling lingering behind that morning? His eyes searched for any sign of you but when he found none, his heart sank; he was familiar with one night stands, but he hadn't imagined that you adhered to such rules so stringently.

Ah, f*ck, he thought, as he sat up on the bed. He let out a shaky breath before feeling his eyes burn once more. His left hand reached forward and wiped off an incoming tear from his right eye before he frowned. What the f*ck? He thought before groaning. Something must've gone into my eye, he thought; desperate not to think of you. You had left behind your smell and as people say, memory and smell are intertwined. However, Chuuya didn't know that.

A short while after his shower that morning, Chuuya's phone rang indicating that he was needed elsewhere. The stupor that he had been transported into was over, and the feeling that he may have forgotten something had to be buried.

    "Yeah?" Chuuya grumbled, ignoring his aching stomach; he knew he was forgetting something, something almost vital to his existence and identity, but his common sense reminded him that post-sex emotions can be overwhelming.

    "Oh, rough morning, Chuuya-kun?" Mori's voice from the other end did little to ease his growing uneasiness.

    "What is it, Mori-san?"

    "I'm starting to worry about you. Chuuya-kun. You disappeared last night and just left. Regardless, your private affairs are your own, after all. I need you to look into something."

Took him long enough to come to the damn point, "What is it?"

    "There's a large collection of ammunition that the mafia's stored by the bay. Rumor has it that someone's discovered that location and is intending on... borrowing our merchandise. I can't have that happen, you see. It's our produce, after all."

    "Ah?! You can send someone else for something so small! Why can't you send the Black Lizards or something—"

    "Oh, Chuuya-kun! I'm asking you because I know I won't have to ask again."

Chuuya hated taking orders from someone else, but he liked to believe he held some amount of agency in these areas. Letting out a long breath, Chuuya ended the call once accepting what needed to be done. It was simple enough, considering he didn't have anyone to kill or torture for information. As long as this meant he could work alone, Chuuya was glad. His life had reached a certain blissful limbo ever since Dazai's disappearance, not that he was complaining. Walking over to his hat, which was gracelessly laying on the floor, he felt the familiar smell reach his nostrils again—your smell, to be precise—and he almost froze as he reached to pick his hat. A sense of deja vu burned through his veins; strangely, these moments were occurring far too many times for him even to count. Some days, Chuuya could sense mornings repeat themselves, and nights disappear. Days would sometimes come to a standstill and sometimes, he'd lose them entirely. Time was breaking itself down rapidly, and sometimes, it grew numb.

Chuuya then did what Chuuya did best and ignored the entirety of it before letting his legs carry him to his next destination; he had always been a journey first, destination later type of guy, but Chuuya had mellowed down through the years. He wasn't the same free-spirited, arrogant 15-year old—he was now a man.

On reaching the bay Mori had mentioned, Chuuya's eyes narrowed when he spotted members of the Port Mafia having already been posted there. If people are here, then why'd Mori-san tell me to come here? Chuuya walked toward them before tapping a seemingly large man on his shoulder and waiting to hear from him.

    "Ah, Chuuya-san! Thank goodness you're here!"

    "What the f*ck's the hold up? If our guns are here, then just relocate—"

    "We'd do that, but... there's a deranged person inside who's locked themselves in there! I think they've got an explosive and that could jeopardize everything! The guns, the dock, uh... Mori-san will—"

    "Shut up, will ya?" If this was already annoying him, Chuuya could only wonder what the rest of the task would do. "Did you take a look at this deranged person?"

The man shook his head, "N-Not really. They've been here all morning, in fact."

    "Oh? No one's seen this person get in?"

    "I don't think so—"

    "Tch, useless." Chuuya turned toward the entrance of the building and noticed how the shutters were closed.

    "Also, one more thing, Chuuya-san," the man admonished, "There was a letter that was slipped out of the shutter. It was addressed to you."

This got his attention. Addressed to me? That's why Mori-san sent me here. Chuuya took the slip of paper before opening it, and on it was written with a neat cursive — 'I'm willing to speak to only Nakahara Chuuya, not anyone else. You do not know my ability, so if anyone approaches the building apart from him, I'll blow this place up.' A smirk landed on his face at the seemingly suicidal note that this person had written, and half of his mind wondered if it was Dazai who had played this ridiculous scheme. Letting out a breath, he waved his hand before walking toward the building and standing right in front of the shutters.

    "Alright," He said loudly, "Open the damn shutters. It's me. Nakahara Chuuya!"

When the shutters did open, Chuuya stepped inside without a second thought; once he took close to six or seven steps inside, the shutters closed right behind him, keeping the light away. His eyes didn't waver, though. He had spotted the person in question's silhouette before the light left the room.

    "This is mighty stupid," Chuuya said, laughing, "Blackmailing the Port Mafia? You're some idiot, aren't ya?"

    "It isn't blackmailing, really," Came a familiar voice, and Chuuya froze. "It was a bad calculation, is all. I got a tip that there were illegal weapons here and I wanted to find out myself if that was true, but little did I know..." You stepped out of the shadow, with a sweet smile plastered over your face, "...that the Port Mafia was involved. By the time I could think of a justification, I trapped myself here and willingly gave myself to you."

It took him a couple of seconds to register what to say. He wasn't always thrown for a toss, Chuuya was sometimes quick-witted, but you seemed to have that annoying wit that reminded him of a certain suicidal moron. Your smile was infectious. But then again, so was the plague.

    "You're not very smart, are you?" Chuuya countered with a straight face.

You only tilted your head in that annoyingly sweet way and said, "It wasn't a problem last night, was it?"

Chuuya's face brightened at the sudden recollection of your interactions from the night before. He turned his face away from you, not before regretting the action since that caused you to laugh at his sudden change in behavior. Chuuya wasn't shy, he didn't have a shy bone in his body—but, Chuuya could be put in awkward situations that made him feel bashful. Once your laughter ceased, he noticed how sullen your expression got suddenly. A dim look of hesitance plastered all over your face and there it was again—the deja vu—he recalled someone having written in a book he had once read that deja vu was simply a remembrance of the future. But then why had your facial expressions struck a chord in him the way that it had? Letting out a sigh, he pulled his phone out of his pocket before dialing the one person who could end this.

    "Mori-san? Yeah, it's me. The issue's solved."

As soon as he placed his phone back inside his pocket, Chuuya chose to accept what he was feeling right then. Yes, it had been a one night stand with you, but something had been altered in the due course of time that he had spent with you. Ever since he laid eyes on you drinking alone in that bar, wine that he knew was cheap and low-class, ever since he had offered to buy you wine that you swore you'd love more than the cheap stuff you were drinking, Chuuya knew that interacting with you was a poison that he willingly swallowed, as if his life was dependent on it. Your quirky smirks, the way your eyes crinkled at the pressure of his gaze, the way you licked your lips after tasting the wine he had recommended, the way your eyes widened at the tenacity of the flavor, and the way your eyes met his, just a moment after, and a smile crawled its way to where a surprised look was—Chuuya was quite aware what this feeling was.

But, you had gotten out of bed hours before he could open his eyes. You had run away from the possibility of Chuuya getting to see those very reactions from you again. If you had denied him those experiences in the future, could Chuuya even ask them from you? It felt deeply insulting that you didn't choose to give them to him yourself, but for some reason, Chuuya didn't mind taking another step forward.

    "What is it? You want me to repay you for saving my life?"

Chuuya scoffed before straightening his posture. "That's right. You owe me."

Your eyes twinkled at the teasing tone of his voice, "Oh? And what is it that I owe you, Nakahara Chuuya-san?"

    "A date," He said, almost too quickly, knocking the air right out of you, "I want a date."

You were staring at Chuuya as if you were a blind person staring at the sun for the very first time. You weren't just surprised at his blatant honesty, but you were surprised that he had outright asked you out as if it were some demand. There was no hint of hesitation lodged in his voice, but that was Chuuya; he never hesitated before doing something he was sure would result in success. You had to give him more credit than that, honestly. You would have honestly laughed if your heart wasn't accelerating like a fawn running for its life, but at the same time, you were glad. More or less.

    "I'm... surprised."

Chuuya scoffed before turning around to leave, "Yeah, I don't like it when I wake up to an empty bed. If we f*cked last night, then I'd like to know it was stellar. Or I'd rather it doesn't happen."

If that's the premise, so be it, you thought, a soft smile etched on your face. A smile Chuuya had seen many times before but simply had forgotten. When you walked out of there, no member of the Port Mafia followed you or even gave you a stink-eye, you were left to wander on your own. However, a hand gripped your wrist just as you were about to leave—your eyes widened to see Chuuya's intense gaze burning yours.

    "Not a word to anyone about this."

It took you a second to realize he was talking about the ammunition and not him asking you out. When you blushed right then, you were glad he didn't spot it; or if he did, he didn't make too much of it. There was no need to say anything more, you knew when to meet him and what time as well. Just as the previous night. Chuuya never had to wait three days to know if someone was interested; Chuuya took what he liked because, for the most part, it definitely liked him back as well.

*

Unlike what most people believed about Nakahara Chuuya, he hated being angry. Even though he sported a constant frown across his face that he seemed to carry with pride, anger was quite rare for him to carry around with it. Anger made him feel vulnerable, dangerous—in a way that he didn't like; it deprived him of control, agency, dominance; it was a paralyzing emotion that rendered him helpless. He didn't need anger to get anything done—in fact, Chuuya was beyond that. However, that night, when he waited two hours for you to show up and you didn't, Chuuya felt a different sort of anger.

An ire born out of devastating humiliation was no ire at all. It was a rage nestled in a dark place, reminding him of the Corruption that he desperately wished to forsake. Chuuya not only felt humiliated for being stood up, he felt a deep, growing sorrow—a sorrow that didn't involve tears or screaming but silence, which was the worst indicator. Quietly, he left the bar where he had first met you and walked out only to notice that it was raining. One of the things he prided about himself was his ability to deduce things quickly—sure, he wasn't as witty as Dazai was, not that he'd ever admit that, but he was smart where he needed to be. Recalling details about you that most people would have forgotten seemed simple not because he was as talented as he thought he was, no, it was because you were impossible to forget. A drug that he just couldn't shake off.

His legs then carried him toward an area that seemed so familiar that he felt a wave of nausea itch at his throat. Chuuya clawed at his collarbones to stop the feeling from spreading but the nausea had reached his head and he felt as uncomfortable as when he had too much wine in a single night, on an empty stomach. Reaching a particular door that screamed at him for some godforsaken reason, Chuuya didn't bother knocking; the confidence bubbled inside his chest alongside the nausea. He spotted you on the couch, a bottle of wine in your hands—the wine he had recommended to you the night before—and your eyes widen at his sudden appearance.

    "Chuuya!?"

    "You f*cking stood me up—"

    "How did you remember where I lived?"

Perhaps it was your choice of words. He was always good at guessing what people meant from the words they use, it had always been a certain gift he carried with himself. However, Chuuya didn't care right then. The ire rendered him blind. He rushed to you and knocked the glass off your hands, having it spill all over the carpeted floor before grabbing your collar and pulling you close. He was seething but for some reason, just the sight of you—surprised and quite possibly drunk from the wine—burned down his ire as if it were embers sparking off a tree trunk on a rainy night. Your silky robe slid off his hands with ease as he let you go, before darting his gaze away from you.

    "Chuu—"

    "I don't f*cking understand it either, alright?" He said, eyes stuck to the spilled wine on the floor. "I don't understand what this is, I don't understand why I can't let it go. I've had sex with women whose names I don't even bother to remember, but I can't forget your stupid f*cking face, or your stupid f*cking smile or the way you annoy the crap out of me. I can't forget how you'd rather drink cheap wine at the store and drink the wine that I f*cking recommended to you in secret, so I know there's something there, alright?!"

    "Chuuya, I'm sorry—"

He looked at you with a deep frown, "What is it, then? Was the sex bad? Was it me—"

Your hands sprung to his face and it hit him again—the wave of deja vu—the feeling of your skin against his; it was intoxicating. He breathed in deeply, trying to recollect where he had smelt you before for it to have become so deeply rooted in his mind.

    "How is it..." You began to mutter something under your breath but Chuuya's hand lifted your chin and forced you to meet his gaze, "Chuuya, I... I'm sorry. It's not that. It's not any of that. You're amazing. You're... I love you."

His eyes widened. Words that he normally would have run away from suddenly felt like home—he swore he had heard them before. He had heard them, from you, a long time ago and the smell of it resonated with the way you carried yourself. Apricots and honey, a smell so utterly natural yet devastatingly intoxicating, Chuuya was certain that whatever it was had to be love; because if it wasn't, then he didn't know what love was. Moving in, Chuuya's lips captured your own, and your hands quickly reached his hair before pulling him closer as if your life depended on it. A lovely trick designed by nature, Chuuya used it to silence you from uttering words right then. There was no need for words when action spoke so loudly. It didn't take long for his hands to reach your neck, pasting your body to his; and for this to lead further to a place of no return. Not that you minded, of course.

When Chuuya woke up, he smelt you. There was no long-forgotten feeling, there was no remnant that he desperately needed to remember—there was just you. You were breathing beside him, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, looking as peaceful as he had ever seen you; a sight he believed he had seen many times before. The intensity of which made him wonder if this was what people meant when they said soulmates existed; perhaps, he knew you in a past life, and had reunited with you in this one. Whatever it was, he felt content. His hand reached to brush a strand of stray hair off your cheek before noticing you inch closer toward him, blinding him with your scent again.

As established before, Chuuya was good at guessing what people meant by the choice of their words. He instantly remembered something odd that you had let loose the night before, something that made him wonder if there was a reason why he felt so intensely for you. Reaching forward and placing his hand at the back of your head, he pulled you to his neck, feeling your arms wrap around his naked chest. Chuuya's gaze fixed at the wall behind you before trying to decipher just what you had meant by 'How did you remember where I lived?'

A second later, you stirred before looking up at him and he cocked an eyebrow at your emotionless stare.

    "God help me..." You said, "You're so pretty."

    "Don't call me pretty." He argued, and you swore he could kill you with his morning voice and you'd be glad.

    "Hey," He began, clearing his throat, "What did you mean by... what you said yesterday?"

    "That I love you? Aw, Chuuya... Don't you know what that means?"

   "No, you idiot. You asked me how I remembered where you lived. Why would you ask me that unless I..." His eyes widened. "Unless I somehow forgot..."

    "Wrong choice of words, I guess. Forgive me, I was down three glasses of wine before you got here."

Chuuya laughed at your words right then before pulling you closer, feeling more content with your explanation than the gnawing suspicion that raged inside his brain. He wondered if love was an emotion that would constantly have him question every action, every thought, and every moment that occurred, but what did he know of love?

But then again, what didn't he?

*

Blissful days were cursed, or so he believed; Chuuya noticed how quickly they passed. He could, on some occasions, watch the days as they passed, exiting his body and seeing himself interact with the everydayness of things. The only thing that brought him life was to return home to you. Even with the ever-growing blissfulness, Chuuya didn't malinger. However, he couldn't shake off the feeling that every word that exited your mouth was a red herring—something that you were deviating from a fact that he had missed. He hated feeling like he was missing an important detail, but each time you smiled at him or stole a kiss, Chuuya was taken back to the very moment he fell for you.

Suddenly, as if his mind was taking him somewhere else, he recalled something. He didn't know if it was entirely a made-up scenario or something that happened in a past life because if it happened in this one, he'd have remembered. He spotted you, stumbling in front of a broken wine bottle, the owner of the store screaming in your ear—and you were trying to sound convincing. Chuuya watched himself walk over to you, and turn to the owner of the store before quickly understanding what had happened. You had dropped an expensive bottle of wine, and you had no means to pay for it; it caused him to chuckle a tad bit before throwing some money (or more) at the owner, causing you to turn to him with wide eyes. "It's alright," he had said to you, "I've got money."

Chuuya watched as he walked away from you, but missed how you had removed one of your shoes and thrown it at the back of his head. He froze before turning to you with a deadly expression, but instantly blinked when he noticed how heavily you were blushing before thinking, 'Holy shit, she's cute,' before having you walk over to him and scream—

"What do you think you're doing, pretty face?"

Chuuya stared at you as you chopped onions without shedding a single tear; he had no clue how you had learned to art to do so, but boy, was he glad you knew how to cook. You reached forward before using your wrist to wipe off a tear from his eye, scrunching a bit before realizing the onions must have done it. You giggled before turning back to them, chopping them quietly. That wasn't it, Chuuya thought, narrowing his eyes. That wasn't how he met you. He met you at the bar, where he spotted you drinking cheap wine and he walked over to you and recommended something else. He didn't meet you in a wine store—he didn't have a shoe thrown at the back of his head. Yet... His hand reached the back of his head and his fingers grazed the area where the shoe supposedly landed, It feels like it actually happened.

He shook his head before entwining his hands around your waist, before kissing the back of your neck. He wasn't usually so affectionate, but you didn't mind. Every time Chuuya touched you, it left scorch marks that were welcome; it was passion breathing fire, reflecting the color of his hair, the aura of his heart.

    "What're you thinking?" You hummed, unaware of how intensely Chuuya was watching you.

    "Nothin'."

Blissful days were cursed, Chuuya knew this for a fact. He could watch happy days pass by with him barely breathing, existing, feeling; but the bad ones lasted ages. He remembered walking into his own home one day, drenched in blood, covered with soot and mud, the urge to feel human contact was strong just then. He knew he could call you, he knew that he could rely on you especially since you had said the words 'I love you' to him over and over again, despite him having not said it in return. He wondered if that bothered you, he wondered if that made you want to leave him but you made no sign so far that you were displeased. He watched you like a hawk, after all, with that growing suspicion that drowned him on nights like these. He rang you in a moment, before feeling the phone vibrate next to his ear, his eyes ghosting on a dark patch in front of him. He needed your hands, your body, the smell of your hair; he needed the familiar apricot and honey to cover his nostrils whole. He needed you, just before asking you why you lied.

    "Chuuya? It's 4 a.m., what's—"

    "I need to see you."

You were quiet on the other end, wondering if he had figured it out. He must've, you thought, a bitter smile formed on your lips.

    "I'll be there in—"

    "No," He wasn't going to risk it, "I'm coming to you."

*

Your eyes glanced all over Chuuya's bloodied appearance before hearing the sound of your heart break—it was a soft sound, like a twig snapping under the weight of a stone. Your heart fell as he gave you his hat and removed his coat before you threw it into the wash. You led him to the bathroom, having him strip, and let him sit aside while you filled the tub. You knew he was watching you, you knew he was going to tell you the very same thing he had always told you.

    "We need to stop this."

You didn't know why, but you laughed. Every single time that it had happened before, you had cried and asked him for an explanation, or even threw things at him—but this time, you laughed. This time, you desperately tried being away from him until he magically appeared at your home, shocking you to your very core at how your powers were slowly slipping off of him. You turned to spot Chuuya's eyes fixed at your form before a nasty frown formed on his face. You touched his cheek before whispering, "The bath's ready."

He sat in the water before letting out a groan, indicating that this was what he needed before he could reprimand you and leave you once again. However, just as you were about to leave, his hand gripped your wrist, another action that shocked you, and he stared at you.

    "Wash my hair."

You nodded wordlessly before following through with it, wondering where this was going. All the other times, Chuuya would leave instantly after saying those words. All the other times, he'd ensure that he wouldn't see you for another month or so—before realizing that he had never met you. You weren't a cruel person, you were just desperately in love, having uncovered an ability that you thought could save you from torment. Yet, it presented more than it took away. One of the things you admired most about Chuuya was his hair, of how soft and luscious it was despite it being coated with blood on many days. You admired how well he took care of himself on the days that he could, and how he'd managed to put on that responsibility to you as well. You only began taking care of yourself because of him; and in a way, he had saved you.

    "I..." Here it comes. "I didn't meet you for the first time at the bar, did I?"

You were quiet. But, silence at an occasion such as this was admittance.

    "I've met you for the first time an exact three times. When you broke the wine bottle, and when you were scrambling around during a case, that's when I learned you were a journalist. And then... And then the bar,"

You didn't answer.

    "I was chasing this guy, this..." He leaned his head over and sighed, "...this guy who ran off from the Port Mafia with some documents or some shit. He... He found you, and I... I thought I lost you," You couldn't tell if he was angry or just overwhelmed, "That's when I left you for the first time."

    "Chuuya..."

    "I left you one more time after. I can't remember everything..." His eyes met yours, steady and intense, "...and that's thanks to you, isn't it?"

    "Chuuya, I—"

    "You have an ability," He said, finally, "An ability to make people forget you."

You sat there, behind him, with your hands sunken in his locks. Your heart was rummaging against your chest and you bit your lip enough to draw blood; if he asked you why what could you say? Was there even a reason why you did what you did? Despite having him forget you for a total of three times, he had somehow magically returned, somehow asking for more and staying longer than he did before. It was almost a curse than anything else. The more you used your ability on someone, the less of an effect it would have each time. It was only a matter of time Chuuya figured things out. And now he had.

After the bath, he silently wore a change of clothes that you surprisingly had. He wanted to ask if this was from the first or second time he had met you, but he didn't. He turned to spot you standing a few feet away, before meeting his gaze.

    "You did that for me, didn't you?" He was expressionless. To see Chuuya this way broke your heart. "So that it doesn't bother me."

    "Also because I genuinely wanted you to stay away from me." You let out a laugh.

    "I didn't f*cking stay away, did I?" He demanded, taking a step toward you, "No matter what stupid trick you used, I kept coming back!"

    "You were the one who left first." You snapped, gritting your teeth.

Chuuya bit back his words for a moment before turning away. This action always melted your heart, when Chuuya turned away from you because you had stolen his words away.

    "Things are different now, aren't they?"

    "Yeah," They were different. He didn't leave. "Yeah, they are."

Silence followed a deep revelation such as this. His eyes didn't leave yours and you stared right back—it almost reminded him of the shoe-throwing incident. He chuckled before earning a frown from you.

    "For being played around like that, I should be the one glaring at you." He scoffed.

    "Chuuya, I love you."

It was at that second he remembered something. He believed you'd leave him because he hadn't told you he loves you or even bothered to say it back even when you had said it multiple times before already. However, at that second, he remembered that the first person to say those words between the two of you was Chuuya himself. I'm not going to leave, he thought before letting out a breath. He kissed the side of your head before wrapping an arm around your waist.

    "Don't f*cking do that again." He scolded you.

    "I could have stayed away from you each time, but you're like... a disease." You laugh.

He rolled his eyes before raising his voice, "Who're you callin' a disease?! If anything, you're a goddamn manipulator. F*cking stupid."

He rested his head on your shoulder before smelling the apricot and honey attached to your skin. It was just as intoxicating as the first time.

    "I ain't leaving so..." His voice was muffled with how his mouth was pressed to your shoulder, "...I love you too."

[equizona]

Hey! Can I please request Kyoya with a reader who isn't rich and is studying musical theatre and he doesn't like her a lot at first???

Of course ^^ thanks a lot for sending in the request, and I hope you like it. [This was also very fun to do, I don't do musicals and we usually only do normal ones, but I've done one musical before, and it was The story if evil, we write the thing ourselves based on the story of songs, check it out, even if its Vocaloid, their some very nice songs!]

Also I'm so sorry for Kyoya being OOC, it's kind of how I see him acting around the person he likes? Also I'm very sorry this is bad :|

Soft Voices{Kyoya Ootori x reader}

When you first started in the same year as Haruhi, Kyoya couldn't have cared less about you. Sure, he had done his usual research, but other than that you weren't anything intresting or valuable to him. However, one day you had ended up crashing into him while running down the corridor of the school, and instead of stopping to help him after you had knocked down his things, you had just continued rushing down. Which caused him to be very sour against you.

So to say he was unimpressed when you stepped into the host club was an understatement. Though he knew he couldn't act on it, since it would lower the reputation of both him and the host club. He knew you had gotten a scholarship for musical theater, but he really didn't care, so when the two girls you went with dragged you to Tamaki to rant about how the three of you had decided to come here since your practice had been canceled, he ignored it.

And he continued to do that for months. He wouldn't glance at you. He didn't like you, so he didn't see a reason to interact with you. Especially since the few times you went to the host club you would request either the twins or Tamaki.

But Kyoya was on his way to the newspaper club one day, when he heard a voice. A girl was singing. He walked closer to the door. "Drifting further away, little wish upon the waves. With eyes full of tears she regrets those days." The voice paused for a few seconds. "If the day comes that we are reborn once again..." the voice trailed off, and Kyoya wondered if the girl would continue singing.

Which she did, but the song was different. "Now kneel before me peasants." The voice went from the sad and lonely sound to an arrogant and rude tone, and kyoya frowned in confusion. What happened? He looked at the door sign, and realized this was the musical theater room. "She's a very good actor" Kyoya mumbled under his breath. He remembered seeing some of the girls who was in the club at the host club, meaning this was someone staying behind to practice.

Kyoya realized he had to get going to the newspaper club, and he promptly left.

---

He had originally tried talking to some of the girls, wondering if they would bring him to their practice. But no matter hoe much he tried to buy off and blackmail convince them, all of the girls were very adamant about not letting anyone see until they were done practicing for their play.

So he was left with one option. Y/N, the girl who was a commoner, just like haruhi, but in difference, a commoner he didn't like very much. So, he decided to approach you one day. "Hello there, your miss L/N, are you not?" The black haired boy spoke in his dark and silky voice, trying to make you more willing.

---

You turned around at the calling of your family name, only to see Ootori Kyoya. You'd been to the host club a few times, so you knew who he was. But more than anything you recognized him as the guy you crashed into in the hallway once. You still felt kind of guilty over that, but he never seemed approachable, so you stayed away.

But now he was the one talking to you first, but you'd heard he could be very cunning and manipulative, and since you didn't have a lot of money, you were slightly scared. "Yes, that me. Your kyoya Ootori, correct?" You made sure to keep your voice steady. The male hummed in agreement.

"So, is there anything I can do for you?" You asked him, giving him your best smile. "Well yes, I've been rather intrested in the musical theather lately, and so I figured I should talk to a member." He spoke up, and you beamed. Not a lot of boys actually joined theater, let alone musical theater, so one who was intrested was a score!

"Yes, of course! What would you like to know?" "Well, is there anyway I could join in on practice to see what you do there?" You frowned inwardly, he couldn't. Everyone in the group had decided that no outsiders were allowed into rehearsals after the first time. You shook your head. "Sadly you missed practice day, though it's only a few months until our play is ready and we'll be performing? You could come watch then if you'd like?"

---

That wouldn't do for Kyoya. He liked knowing things, and he wanted to know who had been singing. Though, mabye if he befriended you, you'd let him in? He settled with that. "Ah, well that's to bad, though is it possible we could hang out and mabye you could give me some tips?" That should work.

You grinned, before digging your phone out of your backpack and handing it to him. "Yep! That works for me! Here, give me your number." Kyoya typed his number in,trying not to groan. Kyoya knew how to hold a grudge, and he was still salty.

"And actually, I'm not sure if you remember, but during the first week, I crashed into you. I was almost late for theater, and I didn't wanna be late so I couldn't stop. Also, you were kinda scary and I chickened out from apologizing to you after that, and even if it's a bit late now, I'm very sorry about crashing into you! Anyways,I should get going, talk to you later!" Well nevermind then, mabye Kyoya wasn't so salty about it anymore.

---

It had been two weeks, and no matter how persistent he was, you wouldn't let him go to the practice. Not that he minded that much, you were good company, and you had a nice voice.

Besides, he kind of enjoyed when you would wait outside the host club room and wait for him, before dragging him to do something. Whether that was just walking around and talking, or you sneaking into a market to eat free samples while he face palmed at your stupidity.

---

One day you had brought him to an amusment park. He hadn't actually ever been there, and he didn't really want to. But you were so persistent, And had offered to pay for his tickets as well. Though in the end he ended up paying, and he didn't give you a choice.

---

After about a month or so, Kyoya had lost all interest in the voice he heard, and he would much rather be listening to you talk about your day, before asking him about his. And then you'd just keep on finding anything to talk about so that neither of you were ever bored.

He liked your company far more than he wanted to admit.

---

After about two months, he was coming to term with the fact he liked you. It was ironic, the person he had dislikes the most was now the person he liked the most only about teo months later.

Though he didn't seem to be the only one who realized he liked Y/N. As Tamaki was currently bugging him about it, the twins were laughing at his pain, and Haruhi, Mori and Honey were confused in the background. "If you like her you have to confess to her! You can be her Romeo, wait that ended badly- you can be her prince charming!"

How Kyoya wished he was walking around town with you right now. It's not that he disliked Tamaki, in fact he treasured the blonde a lot, but he could get quite tiring sometimes. As the rest of the host club could get. And he tried calming himself down like your voice always did. It didn't quite work though.

Soon the twins decided to join Tamaki though. "You know, if you like her you really should confess. I've heard shes been getting quite popular with teh boys lately. Who knows what type of person could come sweep her off her feet right under your nose." The twins cackled evily. But Kyoya realized that yes, some perverted rich boy could take advantage of her! But when had she been getting popular among the boys? If she got a boyfriend would she stop hanging out with him? Wait if they became lovers it would open an even bigger field for the two...

"Fine. What is your confession plan then?" He huffed annoyed, not wanting to admit that he wasn't really sure how he should confess to you. Tamaki lit up. "Well, the plan is.."

---

Kyoya hadn't liked Tamaki's plan, and he felt you wouldn't either. So he had taken things into his own hands, something he was starting to regret, because everything was going wrong.

It had started with the day being normal, but when he saw you waiting in front of music room three for him, he walked up and asked if you wanted to walk around the city that day. Your eyes had filled themselves with stars as you beamed at him, before nodding eagerly.

And so it had went, you dragging him around the city, doing random things and talking about random things as he tried to get the courage to confess to you.

Though he hadn't ever gotten the courage. He had been planning on giving up for the day since it was very late, but his phone was out of power. He had asked you borrow yours, but yours was out of power as well. So now you were standing at a bus station since it had started snowing. Kyoya groaned.

You turned towards him. "You okay Kyoya?" You questioned him, and your voice made him feel atleast a little bit better. He nodded his head. You frowned at him. "Don't lie to me." Even when your voice was stern, it was still as soft as ever.

But Kyoya knew he couldn't lie to you, so he gave into his fate. "This wasn't how today was supposed to go. We stayed out way to late, our phones are out of power and it's snowing." He couldn't help but give into his emotions and frown. He glanced at you, but you where only staring at the sky.

Kyoya didn't know how, but somehow the stars where out and it was snowing. He could feel his face heat up at the sight of the pale snow landing delicately on your own S/C skin, along with the stars twinkling in your eyes. Fuck, he was in way to deep for this.

You grinned at him. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing? Sure we stayed out longer than we had planned, but that just means we like being with each other, right? And phones go out of power sometimes, it's normal! And the snow is lovely, don't you think?" He blinked.

But before he could give you an answer, you intertwined your hand with his and started pulling him to the right. "But no worries! I know my way home, you could just stay over at my place for the night, we don't have school so it's okay!" Kyoya's face was redder than an apple at this point. He wasn't sure why entirely. But it was a pleasant feeling.

"I love you." He spoke without thinking, no like or anything. He knew he loved you, but he hadn't been planning on saying that. And you hadn't been prepared for him to say that either considering how you stopped walking and froze.

You turned around in a split second, your E/C eyes glimmering with both confusion and surprise. "What?" You asked in disbelief. Kyoya sighed, he knew he'd never get the guts to do this again, so he tried giving himself some encouragement. It didn't work. "You head what I said."

You both started at eachother for a while, neither saying a single word. Before you grinned, throwing your arms around his neck with a hug. He frowned in confusion, he was sure you would have denied his feelings based on the long silence?

Not that he was complaining, instead he let out a relived sigh and hugged you back. You stepped away from him, grinning wildly, before taking his hand and rushing towards your house. "Alrighty, date night at my house it is!" You shouted into the night, and Kyoya couldn't contain his own smile.

---

Kyoya had eventually stopped talking with you about Musical theater, and the only times it was talked about was when you brought it up, or the times where he got the two of you tickets to watch one. You never asked him about why either.

But the play that you had been practicing for months to was being played at the school later this evening, and you were inviting him to watch. Even if he wasn't actually interested in playing, he was intrested in your interests, so of course he agreed.

And now you were standing in front of him dressed in a yellow wig, along with a fancy old-fashioned yellow and black dress. He couldn't see your feet, but you looked lovely. "This is so exciting! The play will be starting soon, but I wanted to see you before it started!" You grinned at him, letting your voice play out.

He gave you a tiny smile in return. And you were signaled by one of your friends to get to the stage. He waved as you ran to the stage. The lights went off not long after, and a light shone on one of your friends.

"Long, long ago there was a kingdom by the sea, it was rich and wonderful, with a young queen on the throne. But many people referred to the young maiden as the daughter of evil, for she was truly selfish. She would take and take from her pupils, not sparing any mercy to the people she should have led. However, this tale will tell more than just that, we are here to tell you poeple the story of evil, so that you too, can see the real story of that faithful day..."

The lights went off again, and a new light shone, and there was you. Music started playing, and he realized you had a microphone headset on. "Now, kneel before me peasants." Your cold eyes glimmered sadistically at the crowd, and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

He recognized that voice. It was the very reason he had talked to you at all! He was so stupid, both voices had been so soft, though he had to admit he preferred the person you where with him. But this was nice, he would make sure to support you in your dreams. They where the very reason he met you after all.

---

The story had ended, and Kyoya had to admit it had been awfully sad, but over all a very good story. Some of his fellow host club members where outright crying though.

He raised himself, and went over to you. You smiled, stepping away from your friends after seeing him. "You know, I feel I should tell you that the reason I talked to you was because I wanted to know the person who I had heard practicing oneof the songs. It was unexpected, but not quite that surprising to see you behind the lovely voice."

You snorted, laughing a bit at his statement. Though he was happy you didn't get mad over him lying to you. He wrapped his arms around your neck, burying his face in your H/L hair. He could feel you grin into his chest, not trying to escape from his embrace.

"You know what Kyoya?" He hummed in response. "I love you." He grinned, though luckily nobody could see that. "I love you too." "Only my voice?" "Not at all, I adore everything." "Good, because so do I."

[trashcreatyre]

I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[ziracona]

hi can we pls have some uhhhh 🅱️uentin Smith headcanons, and some killers hcs if you want! I also lowkey hc Jake and Claudette to both be some degree of autistic, I imprint like a baby bird on my fav characters so I hc both Jake AND Quentin to be trans, and Quentin and Meg are ADHD infodump pals. Literally sitting around the cabin taking turns talking about something they love while the other is sitting there... no thoughts... head empty... they r supporting each other

Nice! And Claudette is canonically autistic according to her archives description as far as I can tell, and I’m so glad! You should check out @askthedreamwalker if you’re interested in Quentin art bc their Quentin is trans and they have really nice art! Also u right as hell about Quentin and Meg. He gets v excited and Meg and he can special-interest back and forth for hours One person is pitcher, pouring information into empty pitcher2, then the other takes a turn and pours back into first pitcher. Info dump support friends. Heaven.

And hells yeah, I love son boy! Idk if you mean ILM headcanons or general, so I’m just gonna go with gen. 

Quentin’s got a big sense of justice. Not okay with people getting away with terrible shit, which makes the realms extra unbearable (somewhere in the distance Yui and Tapp are like ‘cheers mate’). Holds people very accountable. Boy is very fair and got upstanding character. Expects people to operate with like bare minimum decency and ain’t about to let that shit go if someone wants to be a bastard. Last person ever to let a killer get a pass for going around murdering people in-realm and would hold them extremely accountable and be v willing to kill one in a fight and view them with disgust and righteous anger, but also be one of the first people willing to forgive a killer if they genuinely reformed, or got thrown to the survivor side by the Entity and actually chose to shape up and proved they meant it. He has a huge sense of justice and righteous anger, but also believes in forgiveness and second chances. (Within reason. If any of the particularly bastard killers like GF or Nightmare or Clown showed up with a completely ooc change of heart they will never have anyway, Quentin would be like “…listen. …There are some things only God can forgive…U gotta take this one to him…and away from me. Forever…”. Boy got those high-quality standards 👌

Used to be kinda high-strung, but then his life was a living hell for so long that he ran out of energy entirely and now he has no choice but to be mostly chill. If he gets a burst of energy, the old excitement power switch flips back on and he is both way more talkative and active, and happier. Unfortunately he is usually so worn out he’s about to drop.

Got a bit of a martyr complex. The fact that literally locking himself in hell with his worst nightmare worked does not help. Feels massive guilt over the fact that the Nightmare is in the realm bc of him, but is still kind of glad bc it means he’s not out there murdering his family. Hates that he feels that way because he thinks it’s kind of wrong. Views being stuck in the realm as sort of penance for having brought Krueger unintentionally. Afraid to tell other people it’s his fault because he’s scared they would never talk to him again, and the idea of losing his friends and complete isolation here is unbearable. Feels guilt over that choice, because he feels like he’s in a way lying to them, and that if they would hate him if they knew the truth, they have a right to. Boy loves his friends hard, but does not trust them to forgive him, or to trust in him, so he’s not always completely honest about not just that but anything he’s struggling with. Very sad dumbass. Suffers alone because he’s afraid to ask for help, and/or does not think he deserves it.

Really loves the other survivors and would do anything he could to protect them. Dies in the majority of his trials because he battles endlessly trying to keep the others from being the ones who die. In a way, he’s trying to make things up to them, but he would absolutely do the same just because he loves them, and did for a long time before he ever figured out Krueger and him being taken was his fault (not that I personally think that’s a fair way for the boy to view it). Optimistic externally, struggling internally. Absolutely refuses, ever, to give up, but is always right on the threshold of having a breakdown. Pushes the others to find a way to escape and tries to give them hope. Takes a lot of shit. Will not fight back much if teased just be like -__- and moves on. Doesn’t let people boss him around though, and will always do what he thinks personally is the right thing. Extremely forgiving. (Except to himself.)  Snark boy if opportunity presents itself. Can I offer you a shot of adrenaline in this trying time boy? the rest of the time.

Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Not a hoe. Would commit to a s/o very dedicatedly. Also not the kind of asshole who would cut down on time w friends when in a relationship. Boy’s love is not a zero sum game. Would die or kill for Laurie. Loves Claudette and learning botany tips from her. Thinks she is pretty and admires her kindness and skill and refusal to let the world change who she is, and wishes he was more like her. Has not told her that. Is a lot more like her in that regard than he thinks he is. Pretty damn good in a fight bc he always gets back up. Determinator. Still in love with Nancy and loyal af. Misses her a lot. Does not open up about himself as much as people think he does. Misses his dad and Nancy and his dead friends a lot, especially Jesse. Doesn’t actually talk about his problems much. Just suffers in silence because he doesn’t think he can ask for help.

Takes his faith seriously. Prays a lot, and struggles with feeling completely abandoned by God, but won’t give up on that either. Tries hard to believe he cares and things will change. Dedicated to trying to make sure that regardless of what his friends believe in, they are okay. Very sad and alone but tries to not think about that. Tries to help friends stay hopeful. Is both baby and badass sass boy in one package. Fight hard, love hard, someday will get to sleep for a whole year. 

If you are nice to him once, will assume that means you are friends now. Genuinely cares deeply for every single survivor at the campfire. Wants to protect people. Constantly suffering bc that’s impossible here. Really just wants everyone to be okay someday, including himself, and simultaneously kind of feels like he no longer deserves to be okay in the end at all. Tries not to think about that. Massive guilt issues. Bottles it up. Loyal as hell. Would die for his friends so much it actively worries them and they’re like “Quentin…please. Quentin-stop—stop. You’ll die again. I swear to god Quentin! I can die this time! Quentin!!! Come back here right now!” But he never comes back. Big sibling energy. Regularly people be like “Damn u could make a pretty fine lil brother out of this” and then they do. He loves so hard. Please be nice to him. He’s always trying so hard and never thinks it’s enough. He works so hard.

Triggers include being grabbed by his hair and jerked around, losing his necklace, the cave, and the Nightmare within 15 feet of someone he loves, so homeboy has just, a lot of bad days. Is playing a fun game called ‘I will absorb trauma forever and not get help for it and then one day it will kill me’. Needs to learn to depend on his friends.

Good sense of humor, enjoys reading and music. Will talk way too much about things he likes and not notice he’s done it and then feel bad. Dumbass sweetheart, will think he’s doing a great job flirting and be proud of himself when he did not, in fact, do a suave job, but it’s cute. Tries hard. All the time. At everything. God he tries.

I would do killer hcs too but this already so long and I cut like half of what I initially wrote rip. I have too many thoughts. Head full. : ( Here’s just a few little ones:

Myers does not like working for the Entity. It tried to pull a fast one and be like, “Yes tis I, another voice in your head,” and Michael was like “Bitch it’s my head. I don’t know you!” and that did not work. While Michael very much would love to kill Laurie and get inner peace, working for the entity provides 0% daily Michael needs, and he hates it. Sometimes he just does what the fuck he wants and gets in trouble (homeslice is the only killer who can kill survivors with no mori and no perk for it. Michael cannot be controlled). Does not like being here at all. He doesn’t cause the Entity a lot of trouble like Krueger does, so it doesn’t consider him a problem killer, but they do not have a ‘Ah yes my favorite killer’ kind of thing going. Michael hates the spider-monster. He is so tired of everything at this point. Boy is suffering. Would fight the Entity if he knew how. Has been hurt by it before, and does not like that, because it takes longer to heal than he is used to.

Myers has a few times had his home area be close enough to the campfire that he could see it in the distance, and he watches them when that happens. For hours. He is lonely, but does not realize that, and probably never will. He does stand there and watch them, being sad and not realizing he’s sad at all. It’s the closest he ever gets to human interaction aside from killing people in trials.

The Entity hurts Max sometimes, not because he has done anything wrong, but because injuring him without providing even a way to prevent it keeps him peak feral and afraid, just like it wants. No time to recover or learn or grow. Just anger and pain and fear.

The Entity promises Rin a lot of things. Not because it has to, but because it enjoys the taste of her suffering. One of her addons is paper cranes, one of 1000 to make a wish, as the description says. I’ve always interpreted that to mean it likes to screw with her and offer her things like that she can do between trials, in the moments of lucidity she occasionally has when completely alone. ‘Make 1000, get your wish,’ but every time she hits 999, it blows the ones she’s made away, and she has to start over. Unclimbable hill. Just to watch her struggle. That kind of thing. Intentionally tends to send survivors her way it knows she would dislike killing the most, just to watch her have to do it against her will and bask in the horror of what she cannot make herself not do.

[winterune]

Pet - Thoughts and Musings

I am back with my seasonal anime musings/analysis/reviews/whatever. Because of various reasons, I have not written any of these posts since...I don’t know...last spring anime season? LOL I still have soooo many on my list from last year to watch gahhh. But I did caught up with Beastars and Araburu Kisetsu no Otome-domo yo - both of which were awesome, by the way. I wanted to write some things for them (especially Araburu, because I felt like there’s a lot of things I wanted to say), but...I don’t know. Life caught up?

Anyway, here’s Pet, with an average score of 6.57/10 on MAL. Quite a low one for my taste, as I rarely watch anything with a score below 7. However, this is one of those anime I decided to see not because of the MAL score or anyone else’s influence, but because I wanted to. Heck, when it was first announced, I was immediately excited, because 1) it’s directed by Omori Takahiro, who directed some of my all-time favorite anime, such as Natsume Yuujinchou, Durarara, Baccano, and Hotarubi no Mori e; 2) the screenplay is done by Sadayuki Murai, another favorite who has also worked alongside Omori-kantoku-san and was also the one behind Sidonia no Kishi’s series composition; and 3) the entire synopsis just sounds...soo good?? Not to mention that short PV-like thing they released way back when

OK, yes, I’m not fluent in Japanese, but the music and Hiroki’s voice acting really caught me.

However, time passed, and there was no word on the anime at all until it was announced that the anime was pushed back until the winter season of 2020. Now, I still had my initial hype, but I also had my doubts. It probably had production issues and so on. Things like that often don’t bring their best to the table and ends up becoming a disappointment. It showed on the first episode.

That episode was weird. I read what people thought about it on some forums and none gave me a positive image of the anime. But I thought, what the heck? There’s no harm on checking it. Though it wasn’t entirely bad, it was weird, and I had no idea what was happening. There was so much going on and the art felt a bit weird and the story seemed all over the place and I thought, ah, it shows.

My impression of it was: this show seems like it will have a good story, but not until some time later, so maybe I should wait for several more weeks and binge-watch it then. However, I came to learn that episode 2 was much better than its predecessor. It cleared up any kind of confusion and erased some doubts. It piqued my interest again. And now that I have finally caught up with the show, I am glad that I did not drop it. 

Because so far, Pet is amazing.

Since it’s been two weeks since I saw the first episode, it took a while to grasp the meaning of the terms and so on, but once I’ve got it, it was quite easy to get absorbed inside the show. There were a few time jumps and technical terms were thrown all over the place, and I needed to remind myself that is the director who made Baccano and Durarara. Durarara had a relatively continuous timeline, but the way it jumped POVs in those first few episodes were quite baffling and you only understood what was what much later on. Baccano was crazier imo, as I read that, unlike the light novels, Omori-san took the liberty to rearrange the story in the anime to make it so that there are several stories set in different timelines in one episode, and there are those terms and whatnot and though it makes a good mystery, it doesn’t make much sense, until that one episode where everything finally clicks into place.

I have a similar problem with Pet. I can see that the story so far is intriguing. We have these “crushers” and then “pets” and then loci in the minds containing memories, divided into “peaks” and “valleys”. And then there are “images”, which I think is some kind of protection armor? A form they take to get inside other people without letting themselves be consumed by the other’s memories and feelings. Aside from that, we have a “Company” with people who have the ability to get inside other people’s minds and alter memories. What’s worse is that we’re immediately dumped in the middle of the action with not much introduction, so all we can do is just sit tight and hang on, hoping for the best that everything will make sense in the end.

And then of course, we have our enigmatic characters.

First up, Hiroki, your shounen character in a serious drama. The longer I listen to him, the more annoyed I am haha. I don’t know. His voice kind of irritates me. Maybe because he’s this naive kid with a strong ability that doesn’t really understand what’s happening around him. And then there is that dependence toward Tsukasa, whom I will get to after this. Episode 3 makes me like him though. His heart is clearly in the right place, just that he’s in a bad environment, so he doesn’t know what to do. He is the character who will question the righteousness of their actions. I believe he hates his abilities, but using it has been ingrained into his body that sometimes, he’s unconsciously using it. Like when he almost got inside Katsuragi’s head, or when he showed the girl in episode 3 what her boyfriend was like (though it was partly his imagery of him, and he knew that and that’s why he was so conflicted when she came back). I can imagine what his childhood must have been like. Probably shunned. Probably lonely. Much like how Satoru had been before Hayashi “saved” him. And then Tsukasa came, who showed him how to protect himself and to utilize his powers. Tsukasa was his savior. That’s why in episode 2, though he was reluctant to kill, he also wanted to show Tsukasa that he could do it. They didn’t have to kill. He could save this man using his powers. he wanted to prove himself to Tsukasa. I am amazed that his heart has not been tainted, and I have high hopes for his character.

Next, we have Tsukasa. Even from the posters, this guy already looked fishy. In the first episode, there’s something off about him. He’s just too good. Too accommodating toward Hiroki. Hiroki wants something, then he’s going to give it. Hiroki says not to go with Satoru. All right, I won’t go with Satoru. Hiroki wants a shop. Here, this is for you, but I used the Company’s money, so I’m going to have to pay them back by doing jobs for them. Yeah I know you told me you don’t want to do any more of them, but I’ll be the one doing them, not you. You just need to sit tight and work on your little shop. You know that’s not what Hiroki meant. Still, I like him. So far, he’s a cool character, and I like him even more on his solo job in episode 3. But what I love the most is:

That smirk! Because yes, all this time, all we’ve seen are his facades. His facade when he is with Hiroki. His facade with Katsuragi. His facade when he does a job. And then we have this moment, this small moment, and much like how that small moment with the girl who buys guppies and her boyfriend builds up Hiroki’s character, this small moment between Katsuragi and Tsukasa, when Katsuragi tells him that his next job will be Hayashi and Tsukasa pauses for a moment before asking if Hayashi has been found, it speaks volume. Because then finally Tsukasa shows us his true self (or, at least, part of his true self). His tone changes. He scolds Katsuragi for being happy or pleased.

You seem strangely happy for someone who was outwitted for two whole years.

Tsukasa is clearly talking down to him. Katsuragi, who we thought was the boss. Katsuragi, who was the jerk who would kill people to get the job done quickly. He is surprised at the sudden change and becomes visibly nervous. He stiffens and keeps his eyes on the road. Tsukasa goes on to give orders to Katsuragi. Then Katsuragi nervously puts out his cigarette and says, somewhat formally, “Understood.” (though he’s just saying “hai” in Japanese, but it’s vastly different from the Katsuragi we know in the last two episodes). He obeys Tsukasa. 

I did wonder if Katsuragi was under Tsukasa’s control, but it didn’t seem like it. Heck, Tsukasa might actually be one of the Company’s higher-ups (or he might even be the Head of the Company, if I want to stretch it). And then we have that split-second smirk, that shows he is in complete control of the situation. It makes sense with how he refers to Hiroki as his “pet” in such an off-handed manner. It also makes sense with how he makes cold, calculating judgment. Of course he’s using the Company’s money to buy the shop. Of course he’s still doing odd jobs for the Company. He’s not the good guy he shows Hiroki he is.

Right now, I can actually see Tsukasa being the “big bad boss” of the series, if this series has any kind of villain. Or, well, I think he’d make a pretty good anti-hero. Just imagine a showdown between Tsukasa and Hiroki... So far, I am most intrigued with Tsukasa and I hope he will have a great arc.

[veliseraptor]

INFINITY WAR/ENDGAME LOKI LIVES FIX IT FIC (TAKE TWO)

Part one is here, and was written quite a long time ago, so...now with updates of fics I’ve read since then. These fics are variously canon compliant with Infinity War, Endgame, or both; I’ve left off fics that ignore the events of Infinity War entirely for the sake of this recs list. “Ignore it entirely” is a different genre than “fix it” (though I love them both).

Anyway, intro aside, on with the recs. Under a read more because this got long.

thinking makes it so by sneck

The Avengers travel back in time to plant a small seed that grows into a major change. This is a really cool take on time travel, imo, and a really cool take on a fix-it plot.

to your own blood, and empty spaces in the throat by vellaphoria

The first chapter is just...absolute grief/mourning pain. The fixing comes in the second chapter. It’s worth the pain to get there.

The Air Between Two Stars by charlottelennox

Thor brings Loki back to life. This doesn’t solve all their problems. We all know I like a ‘post resurrection trauma’ fic, which this absolutely is. The author’s notes mention that this is a fic about ‘the little moments Thor and Loki share when they get a second chance’ more than the actual mechanics of how it happens, but sometimes that’s the most important part of a fix-it for me - what it looks like afterward.

the only soul I’ve ever saved by valkyrisms 

I didn’t know I wanted “Loki falls out of space into New York and is rescued by Spider Man” as a plot, but apparently I did? 

on earth, peace by 100indecisions

Everything fixed, more or less, and it’s a holiday party, and it’s still a little melancholy but in a good way. Short and sweet.

When I Fall to Rise by lc2l

This fic goes in a really interesting direction that I did not expect at all, and I don’t want to say more than that because spoilers. Thor dies on the Statesman. And then.

there are entrances to Hell in every major city by malfaisant

Takes the ‘what if Loki survived the attack on the Statesman instead of Thor’ idea, and it’s ouch and I love it. Seriously, hurts real bad. But ultimately in a good way? 

Shadows of Those Who Came Before by Tandirra

I don’t read a lot of kid!Loki fics in the MCU, but this was...I think I was sold by the author, whose work I’d read before, and it was really worth it. It feels very much inspired by Journey Into Mystery, but not nearly as tragic - featuring a young Loki who has been resurrected as a child but is dealing with the shadow of his former self, taking a jaunt into space with the Guardians on a Quest. 

the very best of us string ourselves up for love by halcyonidae

Loki and Hela in Valhalla. Yes, it is a fix-it.

At the End of the Day by scioscribe

Loki goes back in time and rewrites his own past. That’s...basically it as far as the premise, but it’s really well done, and Loki confronting himself and his family is...oof. Honestly, those conversations, more than the fix-it itself, are what makes this fic a recommendation for me.

A Route Obscure and Lonely by Nightwing_Hunter

This is a post-resurrection fic, which I decided to include because they feel like they’re in the spirit of the thing even if they don’t specifically include or explain what happened to do the fixing. And features insomnia and Loki being fucked up by the experience of dying, and I am always a sucker for Loki fucked up by the experience of dying in particular. I may be biased also because this one was written for me, but o well.

Walked In These Quiet Hazes by ratsats 

I love a fic that’s basically “dealing with the aftermath of trauma” and this is both that and has a plot!! There’s a lot of ‘feelings and pain’ and then also ‘fixing a lot of things from canon,’ and I really approve of both. And now I want to go and reread this fic all in one go rather than chapter by chapter as I read it the first time. So much good angst. Just - *kisses fingers* - good shit.

There’s a Land That I Heard Of by TheOtherOdinson

This one is...I love it because it’s a little trippy, and definitely weird, and very different from anything else I’ve read in this genre. I love the slow build as it becomes clear what’s going on, a little at a time, and I’m always here for anything that plays with the Infinity Stones in interesting ways.

A Different Word for Bad Luck by iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid

Similar to ‘I didn’t know I wanted strangulated!Loki ending up in New York rescued by Spider Man,’ I didn’t know I wanted strangulated!Loki ending up in New York rescued by Claire Temple (and company)’, but...yeah, guess I did.

WIPS - THE SUBSECTION

the nine in the tree by bereft_of_frogs (series)

So calling this one an Infinity War/Endgame fix-it feels a little weird because it’s very much following its own divergent path, but there’s enough commonalities that it feels like it works. And it’s just a really good series with a lot of great characterization and also hurt/comfort, and this is probably one of my favorite current serieses in progress.

Snake Around My Heart by gaslightgallows 

The one where Loki comes back from the dead thanks to Hela and shit’s fucked. I’m really excited to see where this one goes.

the breath and the dirt and the fires are burned by neverwherever 

Thor travels with the Guardians, Gamora is trying to find herself, and Loki might not be as dead as he seems. I really love where this fic has gone so far, and I’m psyched to see it continue.

burnt sage and a forest of bygones by fragileanimals

This is one of those “really embracing lore” fics, featuring also a journey to the underworld (always a good trope!). Thor roadtrips through the land of the dead with the help of a volva to get Loki out.

Memento Mori by GwendolynStacy

I love the summary of this one as basically ‘tfw you’ve completed your redemption arc but no one else knows it.’ Loki traveling back in time to try to fix everything before it gets off the ground, but nobody else actually knows what he’s doing, and it’s not like he’s going to explain himself. Heaven forfend.

Stormbreaker by ladylapispazuli

I am always a sucker for time-travel stories, and I’m especially a sucker right now for time-travel AUs diverging from the Infinity War/Endgame storyline that feature Thor or Loki traveling back in time to an earlier point. This one is one of my favorites so far. It’s Thor/Loki, if that’s a deterrent (or at least, tagged as such - it hasn’t gotten there yet and remains at the level of ‘one-sided pining of a teenage Loki after a Thor he doesn’t know is his brother’). It’s very good, has a nice traumatized Thor trying to deal with that on top of the weirdness of being around his family, his (dead in his own timeline) brother, and his past self, who he doesn’t always like very much. 

Space-Time Heist by patientalien

Okay, so technically the fix-it hasn’t happened yet, but I really enjoyed the first fic and the series is incomplete, so...the setup is there, and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes if/when it continues. The promise of fix-it is there.

Withering Away by GalaxyThreads

The one where instead of getting the Space Stone from New York in 2012, Thor insists on getting it from the Statesman in 2018. Along with Loki.

Have Tesseract, Will Travel by WinterDusk (series)

This is a series where 2012!Loki jumps universes and ends up with 2024!Thor and the Guardians, and I did not expect to love it as much as I do. (I’m very attached to 2018!Loki. I miss that one in particular.) This fic has a gloriously traumatized Thor who is a particular highlight - the dynamic of a comparatively functional Loki trying to look after a very less-than-functional Thor is a really interesting one I’m enjoying seeing explored here.

The Thanos Problem by Ranowa

This is a really excellent series with a lot of feelings in it. Like, a lot of feelings. The series is marked as incomplete, but you can easily read the first three installments on their own and get a full arc with a fix-it just fine.

[arukou-arukou]

季節は次々死んでいく (The seasons die one after the other) by amazarashi

アイロニ (Irony) by Majiko

Charm by Wanima

ハートが冷める前に (Before our hearts cool) by Glim Spanky

どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう (Why, oh why did I fall in love with you) by Tohoshinki

怒りをくれよ (Give me your anger) by Glim Spanky

Thanx by Wanima

ray by Bump of Chicken

誰かの願いが叶うころ (When someone’s wish comes true) by Utada Hikaru

空っぽの空に潰される (Crushed by the empty sky) by amazarashi

未来になれなかったあの夜に (That night that couldn’t become the future) by amazarashi

逢いたい (I want to see you) by Yuzu

春のかたみ (A spring memento mori) by Hajime Chitose

Rewrite by Asian Kung-fu Generation

ワタリドリ (A passing bird) by Alexandros

For @stevetonygames​ Team Angst, prompt Angst: Betrayal, a playlist of deceptively upbeat sounding J-pop-rock-punk (and one enka song because they are the saddest) about wandering through life, falling in love, lying, losing someone first to another lover, and then to death [Playlist is on Youtube because many of these songs aren’t on Spotify.]

Select translations of lyrics below the cut

1)    “Kisetsu wa tsugitsugi shinde iku” by amazarashi

The seasons die, one after the other   The voice of death becomes the wind In the lively town, a man who can’t get drunk looking up at the moon, what an ugly sight Living a life that kicks mud up your legs, with rain that tastes like alcohol In front of the station, a suspicious innocence, wandering the town with apathetic eyes

2)    “Irony” by Majiko

Tired from a little stroll Tired from a little stroll I know it’s a cliché, but life is such a long road I want to rest a little I want to rest a little Time drags me along Cruel second by second

3)    “Charm” by Wanima

I keep running, my yearning dangling from me You don’t need to worry about me. Goodbye. Thanks. I’ll keep searching for that last hurrah I don’t know the path, because I can’t even see the beginning

…

Time flows by, so unsatisfying still No matter what words I set in a row, I’m unsure I’m used to facades and lies Fakes one after the other Piled up in a mountain of work  Throw it all out Meetings and partings, ships passing in the night, See ya I can still do this, I can still do this Earnest, upright   Future flowers bloom, just like that

4)    “Haato ga sameru mae ni” by Glim Spanky

Even if there’s no path before me, I think I can keep walking My heart is running high, riding the moonlight Before our hearts cool Let’s slip into the exhilarating night Before our hearts cool Let’s get moving, there’s no time to waste

5)    “Doushite kimi o suki ni natte shimatta n darou?” by Tohoshinki

Why, oh why, did I have to fall in love with you? I was so sure you’d be right here No matter how much time passed But the path you’ve chosen is different Why couldn’t I tell you anything? My longing grows worse every day, every night I finally know the words that overflow (but they won’t reach you now)

…

But even so, even though you’ve left my side I only hope you can be happy always (No matter how lonely I am) No matter how painful…

6)    “Ikari o kureyo” by Glim Spanky

Pretending nothing hurts you, I’ll give it my all, so go on, get on your high horse Say your worst, and stoke my fire even higher In a pinch, at my limits, I’m really feeling it now My instincts are quivering, a new me is awakening You know what I mean Is that all you’ve got? More, more. The fight your selling me is too cheap! Give me your anger, I want to get serious It’s not enough yet, really make me angry A fool dreaming foolish dreams can only ever chase after them I’ll overcome trial after trial, but I’ll kick my satisfaction to the curb

7)    “Thanx” by Wanima

Are you prepared to be the hero of this story that’s just started? Here’s the sketch, no script Wounds unhealed   Change your cruel past into a bright future With tireless smiles But the wounds are serious. Crap, are you okay? I’m not okay, but I’m okay. Just tired. Curled in a ball, cried uselessly, spitting weak noises but somehow alive But you, somehow, please find your happiness

8)    “ray” by Bump of Chicken

It feels like our parting was much longer ago I shut away the abject light, and I’ve worn down my heels Searching for that clear slow-passing comet I could see it when I was with you, but not anymore

…

Why did we part, what was the point The abject light casts my shadow long before me Sometimes I’m feverish, I sleep when I can Even knowing it’s a dream, I can only move forward once I’ve seen you

9)    “Dareka no negai ga kanau koro” by Utada Hikaru

I lost something important through something so trifling So I learned in the cold glinting of that ring “If only I had it now,” I said, but it wasn’t to be The door to you disappeared without a sound

…

Kindness comes to me, about as much as the turning of our tiny Earth I want to hold you one more time, as gently as I can

10) “Karappo no sora ni tsubusareru” by amazarashi

I got so many letters they started dragging me down so I tossed out the baggage How satisfying it was, but in the face of that truth the sky was still empty I’d rather have lots of money, I’d rather have lots of friends I’d rather be safe and sound, but what the hell is happiness anyway “Death is inevitable” we write ourselves to death, “In dreams” we write in fever dreams Frantic to death, feverish to dream, we run through the seasons Our wounds only ever growing in number, at least we have comrades we can laugh about the pain with Don’t be jealous of your past self   You only imagine he’s your enemy

…

In good times you can laugh, in bad times you can dry But what the hell do you do with emptiness? Tell me, tell me We come from darkness and it’s only to darkness we can return But between, what can we do? Tell me, tell me I’m being crushed by the empty sky.

11) “Mirai ni narenakatta ano yoru” by amazarashi

“We’ve been through a lot” but I want to look at each incident in detail, one by one.   I’ve taken up my pen, but you do what you want. After all, that’s usually what I’ve done. Forget about me, if there’s somewhere you’d rather be.

…

A light which can only be seen by those who see it, those who understand that darkness only comes when there’s light Setting out on a journey sounds so nice, but you threw it all away and ran Standing on a cliff’s edge on a lonely night, only one reason to jump I just wanted someone to shout “Eat shit” into the lonely nights Those nights, which never became a future

12) “Aitai” by Yuzu

If you could have one wish come true, what would that wish be? I can answer unerringly   I want to see you one more time Outside it's the season of painted flower petals   This year yet again they proudly bloom bright You loved the sight of them, and now I walk among them, alone We could never see eye-to-eye and I hurt you, in those days when we were still young Now I know that I was wrapped in the truest love

13) “Haru no Katami” by Hajime Chitose

The sky fills with the colors of flowers Reflecting my love Even after everything has passed away I’ll think only of you

…

I’ll commit this body to your heart And so I shall die I cannot see before me, I cannot draw breath But I think only of you

…

Can you hear this voice of mine, This voice which yearns for you?

14) “Rewrite” by Asian Kung-fu Generation

I spit up my creaking desires because I have no other proof I’m alive The future I’ve grabbed is filled with contradictions of “dignity” and “freedom” I want to erase these distorted afterimages because I can see my limits beyond them I’ve been too self-conscious—I hung last year’s dateless calendar in the window Erase it, rewrite it, This useless hyper fantasy This sense of existence I can’t forget Pull it back from the brink, rewrite it Give me your meaningless imaginings, the drive that makes you Give them to me with your whole body, your whole spirit

15) “Wataridori” by Alexandros

I wanna fly so high Yeah, I know my wings are dried “Why don’t you find some wings,” people say to me Cruelty on the other side of their words Those who can fly   Those who fall No one’s watching They’re not even paying attention But even so I’ll keep flying Put the words that hurt you on my shoulders I want to carry them

 …

Like a bird crossing the sky, I’ll come flitting back one day Living this impossible story Until the day we meet again

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

MORE MALE POLYPACK FICSSSSS PLEASE

OKAY! - Anastasia

Past and Present by goddessofcruelty

(1/1 I 2,269 I Explicit)

Jordan rushes to Peter, who catches the younger man, slides arms around his waist and lifts him up. Jordan's legs wrap around the older man's hips, arms around his neck, and holds Peter tightly. The Sheriff arches a brow at Chris. “I'd say they definitely know each other.”

Love-Letters in the Form of Dresses by Whispering_Sumire

(1/1 I 16,025 I Mature)

"Ah!" Stiles cuts him off, scooting closer to the wooden bars that seemingly make up his prison, "No! You're both here for a reason, okay? Don't be a speciest bigot, Chris, you're the best of a bad lot, I expect you to act like it," Chris is shocked to actually feel chastened, he puts his gun back in his waistband, "And Peter, you are smart enough to ask questions first. Sane enough, too, might I add."

"Well, then," Peter says, still glaring, and Chris wonders how this boy all dolled up in a dress, knows all this about them. "I suppose my first question would be: Why did you invite a Hunter to join us, hmm?"

"Same reason I asked you to join me, Peter," Stiles answers, and doesn't even bother hiding how coy he's being, "I'm lonely. I wanted people to talk to, and I wanted said people, specifically, to be useful to a certain cause, later."

"And what cause would that be?" Chris asks, wary.

"That," Stiles beams, "is a secret."

[Or: The one where there's a boy in a dress, a werewolf, and a hunter. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it's all fairly serious business... Mostly.]

living on borrowed time (but we live it so well) by cywscross

(3/3 I 23,943 I Teen)

Whatever last desperate piece of magic Gerard played after his body rejected the Bite, even that old bastard probably didn’t mean to raise the dead with it. Not that it makes a difference either way of course.

'cause you're on your own (in the real world) by canistakahari

(1/1 I 26,368 I Explicit)

Scott only invites Derek over the first time because he thinks he's lonely. It gets a lot more complicated from there, but to be honest, Scott doesn't really mind.

Memento Mori by HDHale

(2/4 I 28,000 I Explicit)

To save Stiles being stuck at home, isolated all summer, and stewing on his recent possession and the deaths he’d caused, he agreed to the unexpected offer of joining Chris Argent for a retreat in France.

What good Peter’s exile would do, Stiles was clueless.

In Any Version of Reality by alisvolatpropiis

(7/7 I 39,853 I Explicit)

Standing next to not-Derek – whoa, holding not-Derek’s hand? – is someone who looks remarkably like Stiles. Is Stiles, a slightly-altered replica, just like this guy both is and isn't Derek.

It’s not like looking into a mirror – one, because looking into a mirror actually makes some kind of sense, and two, because not-Stiles looks older too, mid twenties maybe. And the tips of his short, spiky hair are dark purple, and he’s got a lip ring and he’s shirtless and covered in tattoos and what the holy hell?

“Time travel?" He's sufficiently freaked. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hears his dad laughing.

“Not exactly,” not-Derek says, and shit, even his voice sounds exactly the same, disconcertingly gentle. He gestures behind him, and Stiles looks over his shoulder, where behind him, scattered across the porch and in the front yard, are more…Dereks and more Stileses.

Fourteen total, including the two at the door, he notes distantly, eyes feeling like they’re about to pop out of his head from bulging so hard.

Seven other Dereks. Seven other Stileses.

Seven Derek and Stiles pairs.

Failing by TriDom

(16/20 I 66,788 I Explicit)

Stiles goes home to Beacon Hills after five years away. He gets set up in an apartment with the help of his dad and starts taking classes at the local university. The town is old and it's boring, it's safe and it's stable. It's just the kind of place that Stiles needs to get his feet back underneath him, after managing to completely fuck his life.

Scarlet by Red Whip the Destoyer of Law (tajita_chan)

(19/19 I 81,626 I Explicit)

Fed up with being taken for granted and tired of feeling rejected, Stiles starts to pull away from the pack he's not sure he's even a part of in the first place. Along the way of building up his self image, he meets some new fabulously flamboyant friends and rediscovers a side of himself he'd forgotten about.

Plus One by migratoryslashfan

(43/43 I 101,445 I Mature)

Stiles takes a pregnancy test as a joke. It turns up positive.

Desolate by Vague_Shadows

(27/27 I 130,463 I Explicit)

Derek stops short the moment his eyes fall on the huddled mass in the corner. The beta lying crumpled there is trying desperately to make himself seem as small as possible and cover his most vulnerable areas. It takes Derek almost a full minute to realize who it is and another to realize that he’s wearing tattered, blood-stained remains of the clothes he disappeared in over four months ago. The acrid stench clinging to him tells such a vivid story of the atrocities he must have endured while he’s been missing that Derek thinks he might be sick.

“Stiles?” he asks in disbelief.

Iron Claws and Fragile Hearts by TVTime

(65/? I 326,253 I Explicit)

Friend or foe? Packmate or werewolf? Safety and security or excitement and danger?...Good or evil?

Unfortunately, not all choices are black and white, and sometimes heroes and monsters lurk where they don't belong.

As supernatural forces loom large and threaten to destroy his pack, Isaac has a choice to make: Stiles or Ethan?

[trackinghallownest]

-slides into your dms- tell me about your vessel ocs!!!! Whose your favorite. Everyone has a favorite even if they don't like to admit it! And is it ok if I draw them interacting with my vessel ocs?

HHfngfh gh i’m,,, thank you for this ask i’m dying,, i will absolutely go off if you dont mind me taking this chance!! ft doodles!! because i can!! and you absolutely can draw them with yours i will probably cry and definitely draw interactions back udfkfhvdf;;

some of this i may have mentioned in other posts but i cant for the life of me keep track of what ive put here compared to the discord so! i’m just going to fact dump! and put under a cut so i don’t completely fill peoples’ dashes shkfd

first is gonna be spindle since. i love them. theyre probably my favourite. and also the first i made. theyre just babie

they really are just babey,,

kind of accidentally an endless source of lifeblood which is a long story but its not.. very fun. to be constantly covered in plants. by adulthood most of their torso and one of their limbs is almost completely replaced/encased in plant matter

they take this pretty well actually. even if it gets a lot harder to move

for a vessel they grew up to full size much quicker than others of their kind, likely due to the lifeblood’s properties, but really nobody has much of a clue. didnt have time to get used to their size and still has VERY bad spatial awareness

broke their horn tip by smacking it on a low ceiling hkfdnfbdmvdf

plants bursting out of their shell and eye have pretty badly damaged it, and they can’t see out of the broken eye

theyre trying their hardest!! always!! they can’t move around very well and sometimes get lonely sitting at home in dirtmouth but they’re friendly to just about anybody and have so much love to give

seriously they dont even eat but they like to make sure they have food and drink at home in case anyone drops in and needs it

they’ve never been able to fight, and shy away from violence or combat in all forms

very scared of the dark and carries a lantern with them at all times, usually around their neck

discharges excess lifeblood into soil and grows a garden from it - keeps it from overtaking their body any further, and it’s something to do

not the best at communicating since a wood arm makes signing stiff and tricky, but they’re not much of a talker (signer?) anyway

then we have scratch n thimble who are kinda twins but not really. yeah those are matching scarves they are Bros (sibs??)

scratch FIGHTS THINGS and USES A REAL BIG NAIL

the biggest of all my vessel ocs, just in general. a big and strong friend

made it to the palace but got tossed for starting to care too much and takin a blow for another sibling. saved thimble from dying down there too and they were absolutely inseparable since

really just the embodiment of the ‘you befriended x! x would now die for you’ meme not gonna lie

has almost literally died for Multiple siblings n friends before but they wouldn’t let them. which is, a good thing

too reckless for their own good especially in their younger years but thankfully mellows out quite a bit by adulthood

tries to keep up a strong stoic front but also doesnt hesitate to abandon it if needed. theyre big soft really (they wont admit it tho)

has The Biggest soft spot for kids do not let them tell you otherwise

fought for the sake of it in the colosseum for many years before Stuff And Things involving yet another vessel happened and they kinda trashed the place and never went back

their nail is about as big and heavy as their entire body and they’re surprisingly good at using it for something so unwieldy. could probably crush most bugs just by virtue of it being So Damn Big

spends a lot of time when grown at the howling cliffs keeping an eye on those travelling into the kingdom, and deterring those with malicious intent

they got that eye wound from their sibling… it was technically an accident. they still don’t talk about it though

contrary to their twin thimble is the smallest vessel (as a babby at least - they do end up standing taller than spin and ruth when fully grown)

they have the very unfortunate problem of their shade having fused with void tendrils from the abyss sea as a babby

as such their shade is very violent and kinda has a habit of literally bursting out their shell and lashing out at anything around them under stress

eventually they get a handle on it and learn to control the literally overflowing void inside them but until then their entire life is pretty much a big clusterfuck of trying not to kill people, which they hate

they’re very timid and shy and cling to familiar figures (especially scratch) probably too much, but strike out on their own much more growing up 

theyre very strong and capable, moreso than most magic users, but you wouldn’t guess it. the only time they’d even consider showing it is in another’s defense

uses void tendrils like extra limbs. very functional! can hold many things (or offer many hugs) at once. may be slightly slimy though.

their cloak is very long and would probably benefit from being trimmed shorter but they absolutely refuse to let anyone touch it. its kinda grimy at this point and they trip a lot but don’t do anything about it

friends with a bunch of mossflies they picked up in the gardens! they all have names

can communicate with other void-creatures by sharing some of their own void! this was discovered entirely by accident but very useful, if awkward to explain

sure they’re kinda timid and like being on their lonesome, but they’re also very level-headed and friendly, and get along very well with low-energy quieter sorts of people especially

ruth is a small vessel rn/as far as i’ve worked out a timeline for! i know what they look like big but as far as the content on this blog currently goes theyre just .. smal

actual infant. hadnt actually been wandering out of the abyss that long before being dragged up to the colosseum to fight for sport

really doesnt have much of a clue how to act at first, other than ‘stab things before they stab you’

their name comes from ‘ruthless’, a nickname they got in the colosseum because they literally did not (appear to) give two shits whether they lived or died in battle. they’d just come back, anyway

scratch was the one that found them flinging a nail around and immediately went ‘oh thats a baby. this is bad, actually’

for the first short while of freedom scratch is the only one they’ll let even get close to them, and pretty much clings to them relentlessly. not a moments rest

they were actually pretty badly infected by the time they were broken out but theyre better now (another long story)

doesn’t have a natural cloak - it was ripped out and never grew back in. they make do though! their ‘new’ one was made from part of scratch’s that they ripped off and fixed together. they love it more than anything

once they actually figured out not everyone was out to kill them they stopped fighting back, and became a lot more curious and lively in general

still has a very warped and guarded sense of trust, however

kinda iffy around weapons and reacts badly to confrontation but does eventually learn to fight again (just.. in a better way)

pretty short even when grown, and going by height alone is the shortest when they’re all big

likes picking up pretty trinkets and things and carrying them around. has a few tied to their horns (as well as many pockets)

i have just now decided that spite counts as well! they dont actually survive to adulthood in any timeline i have currently (sorry spite) so big spite is entirely a theoretical but theyre fun to draw so

now spite? spite wins the babiest baby award

has one single braincell that bounces around their shell like a windows screensaver

their name indicates they are capable of feeling any negative emotion or hatred which is entirely untrue. by the time this was figured out they already wouldn’t answer to anything else

absolutely no sense of self-preservation or common sense. they are, in most regards, a very cute and very stupid dog

got lost on their way out of the abyss the first time around, ended up in the lighthouse and met friend mori!! was almost caught but eventually smuggled out and away

spent a lot of the time on the run in city of tears with said friend who was pretty much presumed dead by then. got taken in by a family, enjoyed themselves for a while

…but were eventually caught and thrown right back into the abyss along with mori killing them both for real this time. unfortunately.

cut to MANY years later and oops! their shade fused with the corpse and for some ungodly reason theyre both alive. time for the worst buddy comedy ever ft. literal pile of goop and body parts

spite does not seem to know nor care that theyre dead however

mostly happy to sit up there on mori’s shell and nap for hours at a time or fiddle with literally anything in reach. give them a cool rock and they’ll be entertained for hours. they are but a simple creacher

they do actually eventually learn to use a nail but who’s idea was it to give a child a sword. seriously i just wanna talk

[regicidism]

NEGATIVE QUALITIES: ZODIAC EDITION.

tagged by the lovely mori. @circumspecto​

tagging: @mage-ical​ @prescited​ (anyone you want) and, yeah i give up. go for it.

bold what definitely applies to your muse. italicize what somewhat applies to your muse. repost, and do not reblog.

ARIES : tries to do everything at once, doesn’t know when to stop and take care of themselves, bends over backwards for everyone even if someone did them dirty, has entirely too much on their plate.

TAURUS : idealistic, spends a lot of time trying to impress others, doesn’t like to apologize, eating is a coping mechanism or just addictive personalities in general, a tad codependent.

GEMINI : the most flip floppy people ever, what’s today’s mood?, never apologizes, in denial 90% of the time, their way is the highway, desperately needs a break, they have a hard time setting goals because their goals scare them.

CANCER : the literal meaning of I’ll give you the shirt off my back, isolates themselves in fear of someone hurting them, wants to change but is scared of change, complains a lot but never takes advice people give them.

LEO : no one takes them seriously because they feel they always have to portray themselves as the fun one, is actually really sad inside, honestly needs a hug, exhausted always.

VIRGO : can dish it but can’t take it, rushes everything, anxious, plans their future but forgets to live in the moment, sometimes ignores their friends because they have so much on their mind, talks about themselves a lot and sometimes forgets to ask the other person how they are.

LIBRA : solves everyone’s problems but their own, is actually really sad and lonely, gets easily heartbroken but tries not to show it, will do anything to justify bad decisions, honestly just wants everyone to love them but doesn’t really love themselves.

SCORPIO : easily set off, will give anyone the cold shoulder at any time even without reason, keeps a lot in, so observant that they oftentimes find out things that hurt them, too many “what ifs” swirling in their heads, has trouble showing their true selves.

SAGITTARIUS : impatient, brash, commitment issues, body issues, doesn’t realize they don’t need to change for anyone, has a lot of different goals to a point where they get overwhelmed, just wants to disappear and do what they want without anyone questioning them.

CAPRICORN : scared people won’t like them unless they’re at the top of their game 24/7, takes a LOT for them to talk about their feelings, secretly struggling, fake happy, needs a plan but doesn’t know what that plan is, confident but insecure at the same time, wants to be stable but sometimes wishes they could drop everyone’s expectations of them and live normally.

AQUARIUS : gets heartbroken like 30 times a week, trust issues, can be unmotivated and disinterested, feels they have to adapt to every person they meet so they can be liked, doesn’t know how to tap into their emotions despite being very intuitive, confused, expects little.

PISCES : empathetic often to a point of no return, plays the victim, doesn’t know when to say no, cynical, hermit, is very impatient, trusts everyone too much, can be secretly very critical and judgemental, can only tolerate maybe ten minutes of social interaction, needs a lot of validation.