#somethingpersonal

[dangerousoperatoroperadonkey]

Words and pronouns are fucking strange.

We each have our own emotional reaction to words, and it’s been interesting to observe my own reaction to gendered terms and pronouns as of late (specifically, how I feel when they are applied to me).

He and they both feel fine. Something about “he” feels neutral enough that I’m like… ok yeah it’s not super accurate but given my upbringing, having a writer mother who insisted that “he” and “something man” were gender neutral, that programming is deeply embedded in my sense-of-self.

I still use “they” when I don’t know or when speaking vaguely (occasionally, I’ll slip into “one”). And if I know your pronouns, I’ll use that. But if you call me a “he” *i* won’t feel weird about it.

But other words, including “son” or “husband” or “uncle”, these do bother me. When my mom tells me I’m a good son, inside I feel the response: “except I’m not your son; I’m your child). I have a husband but I’m not a husband, I’m a spouse or a partner. I’ve not found a gender neutral for uncle, and even though we have “sibling” I’ve never once gotten someone to call me their sibling-in-law and when the call me brother-in-law, I chafe.

Fireman, chairman, etc. these don’t offend me as much. I don’t get called a somethingman very often, so maybe that’s why. Somethingperson is preferable, but somethingman is ok. Not as comfortable as he/him, but more comfortable than son or uncle.

So idk. Words are weird. My internal dissonance, or lack-there-of, with words is weird. Observing all this shit is weird. 11/10 would recommend.

[arjunasearth]

Something personal...

Today I found out that my father , whom I never met in my entire life ( 25 years) , has died 5 years ago. I found his name on an online graveyard list and got reassured today. So how do you feel when your father whom you never knew and never had a chance to talk to or to learn something from dies? You feel empty. You have a lot of questions that could never be answered, at least not by him. Something that had a chance to bloom never did . He was never part of my life, he didnt experience all these things Dads experience with their daughter. Not having him as a part of my life DID worsen a lot of things, e.g. my relationship to men, that I am oftenly too bound to them, that i will probably always ask myself what it would have been like if my Father was there for me. How it would have changed my view on men and how to deal with relationships in general. I know that I am certainly not the only one who is going through this all her life. But now, after 25 years, reading about his death makes it ultimate. Inescapable. So fucking inescapable. But this is reality. This is how it goes in life. I can only reach out to literally ANYONE who is father+ mother of a child. PLEASE NEVER PRIORITIZE YOUR EGO DRAMA BETWEEN EACH OTHER ABOVE YOUR CHILDREN: IT IS NOT WORTH IT AT ALL. It only leads to more suffering and intergenerational Trauma, Drama and bigger psychological wounds that means also A LOT MORE HEALING. How can you cry over a person you've litereally never met? I cried , though. Because I realized the inescapable truth. I faced it today . At least I have certainty now. I can only do better. I have so many mixed feelings that I can barely describe how I feel. Left alone. Reassured. Broken. But at the same time healing because I took all my courage together and contacted his family. It's the bitter truth. But I know now for sure, that no matter how hard the relationship between mother and father may be, never let your children feel it. BE THERE FOR THEM, ALWAYS. REACH OUT. BECAUSE THEY DO NEED YOU. BECAUSE YOU MATTER TO THEM AS MUCH AS THEY MATTER TO YOU. I REPEAT: REACH OUT FOR YOUR CHILD. Or it may be too late.

Addition: When I was writing this, a moth entered the room. Sometimes, the universe DOES directly respond. Kinda creepy because Moths symbolize death, letting go and transformation. The Moth is still here, sitting quietly at the ceiling. What an ironic tragedy.

[pearl-2003]

#Inktober2019 Day 21: Treasure

What do you think it’s inside? Will you keep it forever? Let me know in the comments :3

[toonjannik]

✨ K a i r ó s ✨ Ohhh, I'll probably never finish this. But what if...? (Sonic art is coming too, no worries) • #somethingpersonal #winterwonderland #art #sketch #wip #project #gae #sketching #digitalart #kairos #kairós #holdinghands https://www.instagram.com/p/CXIckREobMb/?utm_medium=tumblr

[sirenrecords]

#jackwilson #somethingpersonal #bluenoterecords 1967 NM $44.99 #jazz #jazzvinyl #royayers #postbop #vangelder DM to purchase, or order online. Link in bio. Free domestic shipping. (at Siren Records) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-sMWzVpwFX/?igshid=flsneahaca5i

[whatdoesitmeantobespiritual]

Something Personal

Since I'm speaking about vulnerability, let me share something personal and vulnerable of myself. In light of women speaking up about sexual assault and sexual harassment, not a whole lot of people talk about mental abuse. I know people do, but it is almost dismissed so quickly. Lost in phrases and quotes. Of course physical abuse is more apparent and obvious, but mental abuse is not obvious.

Mental abuse is invisible, it leaves scars and bruises on the abused own mind. Where they are in a constant state of battling their thoughts and confusion of the abuser. They are constantly doubting who they are because of gas lighting. It is usually worse when they stay with their abuser. The abused changes from being who they were to the image that they believe their abuser wants. I was one of the abused, and by a narcissistic sociopath that only wanted me for the image they had of me.

He used me, lead me on, gas lighted me, and left me feeling as if he really did not love me, but I stayed because he would convince me to. He changed the very essence of me while I was still desperately hanging on to anything left of who I am. If it were not for the love, compassion, and support of my family and friends, I could not finally see it for what it was. It was toxic and abusive. So I want you to know that if you have been abused this way, that you are not alone.

We can help each other overcome these challenges. We can find ways to build our strength after all of this, but we have to become aware of this before we can change it. Please know that you can walk away from the abuse and change your life for the better. I know I have, and I know that you can too. There is no reason that you can not trust yourself and to doubt yourself. Stand up to the abuse, physical and emotional.

[tokiotours]

In #japan🌸 when you go to a #shintoshrine you will find a wall of #votiveprayerplaques. You can use these to #writedownawish. Usually something #benign like #worldpeace😇 but it can also be #somethingpersonal. When the #rackisfull there’s a #ceremony to #burnthemall so the #prayers🙏 can #gouptoheaven #aidedbyapriest. If you #lookcarefully you can spot #manydifferentlanguages among all the plaques. #traveljapan #lifeinjapan #japantrivia #shintoshrinejapan #tokyoguide #dutchguideintokyo #nederlandsegidsintokio #bestguideinjapan https://www.instagram.com/p/B198z_OFxcL/?igshid=1ogwlc7meq1jd

[katsodeeee]

Landian lang, walang personalan.

Sa kanyang ngiti. Nabighani ka.Sa kanyang mga tawa. Dulot noo'y ligaya. Panandalian mong nakalimutan ang problema mo sa mundo. Lalo na nung hinawakan nya ang kamay mo. Akala mo tuloy may gusto na siya sayo. Pinasaya ka lang nya ng todo akala mo may ibig sabihin na ito. Baka naman kasi pinagbibigyan ka lang nya. Baka kasi dahil alam nyang malungkot ka. Dahil alam niyang mahina pa yung puso mo. Porket nagkasundo kayo, akala mo interesado na sya sayo. Malay mo may iba syang motibo. Malay mo hindi ka naman talaga nya gusto. Nagkataon lang na nadadala sya sa sarili nya at sayo. Hindi dahil ikwinento nya ang mundo na meron sya, eh may parte kana sa kanyang istorya. Wag ka ngang pakitawala. Hindi sa lahat ng oras tama ka. Kasi, alam mo ang totoo? Wala syang balak magseryoso. Hindi sayo. Pero ano bang bago? Di ba't ito naman ang uso. Yung umasa ka at patuloy na umasa. Umasa kahit wala namang pag-asa. Ngayon, hulog na hulog ka na. Alam mo naman ang golden rule hindi ba? Wag kang mahuhulog sa taong landian lang ang gusto. Landian lang. Walang personalan. Walang pusuan. Kapag nakipaglandian, dapat handa ka ring masaktan. Lahat naman kasi ng bagay pinag-aaralan. Wala naman kasing nadadaan sa mabilisan. Kaya kung satingin mo ang puso mo'y napaglalaruan. Iyo ng pagpasensyahan. Hindi naman nya sinasadyang mahulog ka sa pakikipaglandian.

- 10/09/17 // 10:00 p.m.

[theanonymousmademoiselle]

You were showing me signs of how I am capable of doing something I never fully thought of, you were asking me to improve and sometimes even begging me to do so just to see if I have the discipline to change , you were there watching me from behind as I grow but as I walk out of the door with no assurance of me coming back I still wasn't able to reach my full potential; the potential that you saw ever since day one.

Mademoiselle J

[sammmydeasis]

Paalam.

Ilang taon na ang lumipas simula ng tayo'y unang nagkita.

Alalang-alala ko pa ang mga ngiti mo na alam kong kahit kailan ay hirap nang limutin ko.

Nung araw na una kitang nasilayan, inisip ko na balang araw ay ang mga kamay mo'y aking mahahawakan, na balang araw ay ang pagmamahal mo'y aking mararamdaman.

Hindi nag-tagal ay dumating rin ang araw na aking pinakahihintay.

Ang araw kung kelan ang pagibig mo ay aking naramdaman, ang araw kung kelan ang mga kamay mo'y akin nang nahawakan, at ang araw kung kelan una kong narinig ang mga salitang 'Mahal Kita'.

Sobrang saya ko noong mga oras na iyon.

Pakiramdam ko ay nasa tuktok ako ng Mt. Mayon sa sobrang taas ng kasiyahang naibigay mo sa akin noon.

Noong mga panahong iyon. Oo, noon.

Iba na kasi ngayon.

Pinili mo na ako'y isangtabi. Iwan, at ipagpalit sa ibang babae.

Pinili mong kumalas at ako'y iwang sobrang wasak.

Pinili mong wasakin ang puso ko na wala namang ibang ginawa kung hindi mahalin ang isang tulad mo.

Kahit masakit ang pag-lisan mo, umasa pa rin ako na muli kong maririnig ang mga salitang 'Mahal, andito lang ako' mula sa mga labi mo.

Umasa na isang araw ako'y babalikan mo at itatama nang lahat ang mga pagkakamaling nagawa mo.

Ilang araw, buwan, hanggang sa naging taon ang aking paghihintay.

Kay tagal kong nag-hintay na ika'y aking muling masilayan. Na ika'y muling mahagkan at masabi na 'Mahal ko, heto pa rin ako naghihintay sayo'.

Sabi nila tanga raw ako para umasa pa sa isang katulad mo na hindi naman makita ang halaga ko. Tanga raw ako kasi ikaw pa ang pinili at minahal ko. Sagot ko naman,'Sana natuturuan nalang ang puso. Natuturuan na huwag mahalin ang mga taong manloloko. Natuturuan na umiwas sa mga taong makakasakit lamang sa iyo'.

Ngunit hindi.

Hindi mo matuturuan ang puso kahit ito'y umiibig na sa maling tao. Kayang pigilan, ngunit malabong maturuan.

Hanggang kailan ba ako maghihintay?

Hanggang kailan ba ako maghihintay na ika'y babalik at magbabago rin?

Hanggang kailan ba ako maghihintay na Ikaw at Ako pa rin?

Mahal, ayokong mag-sawang maghintay. Ngunit kung wala na talaga, Sige. Ako'y magpaparaya na.Titigil na sa kaka-asa at pagpapakatanga, at pipiliing sumuko na.

Huwag mo sanang isipin na kahit kailan ay di kita minahal, dahil hanggang dulo, ikaw lang ang tanging nilaman ng puso kong ito.

Ako'y titigil na dahil sobrang sakit na. Masaya ka na sa kanya, at iyon ay di ko na hahadlangan pa.

Oras na para ako naman ang kumalas. Para ako naman ang lumigaya kahit wala ka na.

Masyado nang maraming luha ang tumulo at nasayang. Oras na para iyon ay palitan ng mga bagong memorya na hindi na ikaw ang kasama.

Mahal na mahal kita, pero paalam na.

Heto na ang aking huling salaysay bago kita tuluyang pakawalan at kalimutan.

Hangad ko ang kasiyahan mo kahit na hindi na ako ang dahilan nito.

Malayang malaya ka na.

Ako'y bibitaw na at di na lalaban pa.

Paalam.

A Poem written by Sam de Asis  | February 01, 2017  | 02:11 AM

[kimkeetiu]

Week 2 of Team Chir's Christmas Monito Monita. 😊 #SomethingPersonalized #MakeItADecemberToRemember #ItsTheMostWonderfulTimeOfTheYear (at Ecoprime Tower) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5nDwCrHlMc/?igshid=l42xgrgk1mra

[luvlu]

Late evening 📸 #browngirl #somethingpersonal #mirrorphotography #privatepics #portrait #blurrednight #🍑 (presso Milan, Italy) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP-lYisr7yT/?utm_medium=tumblr

[kewlguy2012]

Looking forward!!!! Good to see you the stunning Ms Fatma of @bovoryfashion @bovory #handpaintedbags #handpainted #handpaintedbagsbyelton #bag #bagart #tatakpinoy #talendongpinoy #artist #pinoyindubai #proudpinoy #loveofart #madewithloveandpassion #beyoutiful #beyoutifulyou #fashionforwarddubai #fashionbag #personalized #somethingpersonal #love https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqIRtWABA4/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2xgyyfd3yhm5

[karencollinsphoto]

#summerreading #avedon #somethingpersonal

[zouberi]

It's about time to pass on some Magic. They'll be in good hands, I think. #magic #magicthegathering #prettyoldcards #passiton #nostalgy #springcleaning #goodoldtimes #howwewastedtimebeforefacebook #somethingpersonal #instagood #instadaily #instamagic #igers #igersaustria (hier: Linz, Austria)

[reflections-in-t]

. . ポーランドの新世代ジャズピアニスト、Pawel Kaczmarczyk（1984年生れ）の音楽にいまぞっこんです。 . 彼の新しいプロジェクトAudiofeeling Trioの2作と、それ以前のAudiofeeling Band時代の計3枚のアルバムがどれも良い。 . クールで知的な楽想、エレガンスさえ漂わせる緩急自在の美しい演奏、アップトゥデイトなサウンドコンセプトなど、どれもが耳を惹きつけてやまない東ヨーロッパならでは魅惑的な曲ばかり。 . チェコ、スロバキア、ハンガリー、そしてポーランドなど、東欧を代表するこれらの国々から発信されるJazzを中心とした新しい音楽と時代を担うアーティストたちの動向には目が離せない日々が続きそうです。 . . #PawelKaczmarczyk #AudiofeelingTrio #Deconstruction #featMrKrime #VarsAndKaper #SomethingPersonal #Hevhetia #MaciejAdamczak #DawidFortuna #AudiofeelingBand #SimplicityinComplexity #ACTMusic #AppleMusic .