#something about the entire poem itself

[aimseytv]

i will be having a great day and then BOOM i hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. i hate the way you drive my car, i hate it when you stare. i hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind, i hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. i hate the way you're always right, i hate it when you lie, i hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. i hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call, but mostly i hate the way i don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

[astronicht]

Okay I'm almost done with Fellowship, here's an incomplete list of shit I noticed and thought was buck fucking wild on my first ever read-thru: medieval edition.

In literally the second line of the book, Tolkien implies that Bilbo Baggins wrote a story which was preserved alongside the in-universe version of the Mabinogion (aka the best-known collection of Welsh myths; I promise this is batshit). This is because The Hobbit has been preserved, in Tolkien's AU version of our world, in a "selection of the Red Book of Westmarch" (Prologue, Concerning Hobbits). If you're a medievalist and you see something called "The Red Book of" or "The Black Book of" etc it's a Thing. In this case, a cheeky reference to the Red Book of Hergest (Llyfr Coch Hergest). There are a few Red Books, but only Hergest has stories).

not a medieval thing but i did not expect one common theory among hobbits for the death of Frodo's parents to be A RUMORED MURDER-SUICIDE.

At the beginning of the book a few hobbits report seeing a moving elm tree up on the moors, heading west (thru or past the Shire). I mentioned this in another post, but another rule: if you see an elm tree, that's a Girl Tree. In Norse creation myth, the first people were carved from driftwood by the gods. Their names were Askr (Ash, as in the tree), the first man, and Embla (debated, but likely elm tree), the first woman. A lot of ppl have I think guessed that that was an ent-wife, but like. Literally that was a GIRL. TREE.

Medieval thing: I used to read the runes on the covers of The Hobbit and LOTR for fun when I worked in a bookshop. There's a mix of Old Norse (viking) and Old English runes in use, but all the ones I've noticed so far are real and readable if you know runes.

Tom Bombadil makes perfect sense if you once spent months of your life researching the early medieval art of galdor, which was the use of poems or songs to do a form of word-magic, often incorporating gibberish. If you think maybe Tolkien did not base the entirety of Fellowship so far around learning and using galdor and thus the power of words and stories, that is fine I cannot force you. He did personally translate "galdor" in Beowulf as "spell" (spell, amusingly, used to mean "story"). And also he named an elf Galdor. Like he very much did name an elf Galdor.

Tom Bombadil in fact does galdor from the moment we meet him. He arrives and fights the evil galdor (song) of the willow tree ("old gray willow-man, he's a mighty singer"), which is singing the hobbits to sleep and possibly eating them, with a galdor (song) of his own. Then he wanders off still singing, incorporating gibberish. I think it was at this point that I started clawing my face.

THEN Tom Bombadil makes perfect sense if you've read the description of the scop's songs in Beowulf (Beowulf again, but hey, Tolkien did famously a. translate it b. write a fanfiction about it called Sellic Spell where he gave Beowulf an arguably homoerotic Best Friend). The scop (pronounched shop) is a poet who sings about deeds on earth, but also by profession must know how to sing the song or tell the story of how the cosmos itself came to be. The wise-singer who knows the deep lore of the early universe is a standard trope in Old English literature, not just Beowulf! Anyway Tom Bombadil takes everyone home and tells them THE ENTIRE STORY OF ALL THE AGES OF THE EARTH BACKWARDS UNTIL JUST BEFORE THE MOMENT OF CREATION, THE BIG BANG ITSELF and then Frodo Baggins falls asleep.

Tom Bombadil knows about plate tectonics

This is sort of a lie, Tom Bombadil describes the oceans of old being in a different place, which works as a standard visual of Old English creation, which being Christian followed vaguely Genesis lines, and vaguely Christian Genesis involves a lot of water. TOLKIEN knew about plate tectonics though.

Actually I just checked whether Tolkien knew about plate tectonics because I know the advent of plate tectonics theory took forever bc people HATED it and Alfred Wegener suffered for like 50 years. So! actually while Tolkien was writing LOTR, the scientific community was literally still not sure plate tectonics existed. Tom Bombadil knew tho.

Remember that next time you (a geologist) are forced to look at the Middle Earth map.

I'm not even done with Tom Bombadil but I'm stopping here tonight. Plate tectonics got me. There's a great early (but almost high!) medieval treatise on cosmology and also volcanoes and i wonder if tolkien read it. oh my god. i'm going to bed.

edit: part II

[ultimateloserboy]

Bill Cipher Analysis Post ‼️

(I could be wrong about some things since the book is fresh, feel free to expand this post or correct me! May be a little edited as well!)

To start things off: William Mischief Cipher, (yes thats his actual name) is a dream demon from another dimension. To be specific, the second dimension.

Despite Bill being a literal shape— and also a demigod— it’s implied that Bill had a human-like childhood. He had a normal mother and father, he went to school, and overall seemed to have a normal life. The problem, however, was that he was born with powers completely unknown to his dimension.

Bills world was 2D, meaning there was no up or down. It’s hard for us to grasp the concept of his world, and its implied Bills dimension felt the same way about us. They couldn’t grasp the idea of other, less flat dimensions— but Bill could. Not only did he understand the concept, he could physically SEE the other dimensions— which drove him crazy with confusion and frustration.

It’s also implied that Bill was born with physical powers others in his dimension didn’t have— for example, there’s a line in the book where he remembers being bullied in school for having the ability to conjure fire.

It’s implied that Bill tried to tell everyone about the other dimensions, but they didn’t understand. The other people of his homeworld considered him troubled and insane. There’s a poem written in code on the silly straw page of his book detailing how he was fed medicine to keep his “visions” away, but would only drink it out of a silly straw. This poem implies he was a baby at the time of taking his medicine, implying further that his powers were terrifyingly strong even from an early age. This— paired with the fact he could shoot fire from his fuckin hands— made him dangerous as a child, because (at least from what it seems) any childish outburst or tantrum could accidentally turn dangerous from his lack of understanding or being able to control the powers he was born with. He was a walking time bomb.

“Eye doctor of a different kind who wants to make his patient blind / The doctor says three sips a day will make the visions go away / Fussy eater, baby billy, wouldn’t drink unless its silly.”

(((The doctor was taking away Bills ability to see the other dimensions, rendering him somewhat blind. Bill fussed about his medicine as a child and would only drink it out of a silly straw.)))

Eventually, Bill tried to bring his world into the third dimension— or at the very least, show them it exists to prove that he wasn’t insane. It’s unclear what exactly he did to try and accomplish this— but it went wrong and started a terrible fire that left only him alive.

It’s unclear whether or not he started the fire itself on purpose or on accident, but either way its implied that he absolutely didn’t understand the permanent consequences. It’s something that deeply traumatized him. It’s blurred out of his memory, and in denial, he pretends everyone is still alive. It’s up to the reader to determine whether or not he can be forgiven for this, but out of everything Bill has done on purpose and out of malice, this doesn’t seem to be one of those things. It seems he genuinely wanted to free his family from the confinements of his dimension and to this day he still pretends that’s what he did, even if that’s not the case. The regret of his actions is something that goes on to shape his character today.

“Twisted out of shape after the kill— the ghost of his family haunting him still” (((Silly straw page)))

Bill has lied about this day on multiple occasions, and has also lied about how he feels towards it. He’s terrified to face the guilt— so he either pretends he did it on purpose and doesn’t care, pretends something or someone else did it, or pretends it didn’t happen all together.

While talking to Stanford, he calls himself a monster. This is what he truly thinks of himself. However, he pretends to be a different person than himself. His entire life past the day of his dimensions burning has been a lie of pure denial.

On top of denial, he refused and still refuses to grow up. After running off into a crumbling dimension with his “henchmaniac” friends, he started acting like a rebellious teenager. Unlike most villains with a specific intent to hurt, he went throughout the universe with the sole intention of having as much fun as possible. However, with his terrifying power and uncaring nature many casualties happened on the side. He’s guilty for them, and even finds some of them funny, but hurting people wasn’t and isn’t his MAIN intent. (At least not most of the time. He IS known to hold grudges, or dismantle someone’s face for fun, but those things aren’t part of his overall goal. Not saying they aren’t shitty, but his main intent is important to understanding his character and complexity.)

His main goal is to distract himself from his past with as much chaos as possible while also seeking attention from anyone he can get it from. He talks about Stanford and says he needs Bill to boost his ego, but really it’s the other way around. Bill considers himself a product to sell, he caters to people by using false charisma, pretending they’re the ones that need him when in reality he’s starving for their praise. He is desperate for someone to speak highly of him because his mind has nothing good to say, all the words he says out loud are compensation. He believes deep down that nobody will love him if they know who he truly is and what he’s done— and he’s not really wrong. And look! He couldn’t even admit that’s how he feels about himself so he pretends he’s giving advice! (He does this SO MANY fuckin times in the book..)

It appears in the book that the more he regrets or suffers from his past actions and traumas— the more he hurts and destroys the things and people around him as a distraction— all under the ruse of “partying”. So, in an immature attempt to absolve himself of guilt, he stacks more guilt onto his endless cycle by continuing to hurt those he loves again and again— pretending not to care but truthfully caring so much that he’d do ANYTHING to drown out the feeling. Ironically, his way of drowning out his feelings is by causing more harm. He is an endless, pitiful paradox.

It’s often misunderstood that he is a uncaring, but that’s what he WANTS you to think. That’s what he WISHES he was. His guilt and remorse doesn’t absolve him from the things he’s done, but the fact that it’s there is a GIANT and IMPORTANT part of his character. He CAN feel empathy, sympathy, sentimentality, and ESPECIALLY regret. He may be a considered a sociopath, but this doesn’t mean he’s not a person with feelings as well.

He’s so distraught over losing Stanford that he drinks himself into a state of temporary amnesia that made him fall into a ptsd episode— his memory is so bad he ends up thinking he’s talking to his mother who’s been dead for probably millions of years.

This doesn’t excuse what he did to Ford AT ALL (I felt a little sick looking at the knuckles page..) but you can’t truly understand his character without understanding that he is LYING when he is cruel to Ford. And no, just because it’s a lie/front doesn’t mean he’s absolved from saying or doing something horrible, but it DOES mean he is unique and complex.

It’s perfectly reasonable to not forgive Bill for what he did to Ford, because it’s not really forgivable— but I also think it’s fair to explore the complexities of “evil” characters. SAYING A CHARACTER REGRETS THEIR ACTIONS DOESN’T MEAN I THINK THEY DESERVE FORGIVENESS!!! Especially in Bill’s case, considering that he PRETENDS to not be sorry, which makes him terrible even if he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. He might as well not be sorry at all HOWEVER!! It’s still important to distinguish him from a sociopathic stereotype— so I have to acknowledge that he’s a little sorry anyway, even if that regret is hidden away and doesn’t help literally anyone.

He values his own comfortability over the people he loves. Meaning he’ll always be cruel instead of apologizing because even if he’s truly sorry, he can’t handle the fact that he did something wrong in the first place— He’ll just play dumb.

At the end of the day, though— Bill is much more complicated than “Guy that just wants to explode people with his mind and take over the world”— I mean yes, he’s also that— but he also has hella bad ptsd and possible other mental issues that I’m not qualified to diagnose. He has a mother who he misses and a pain he carries with him.

None of the pain he harbors will ever justify the pain he’s caused— So no, I don’t think he’s ACTUALLY forgivable (though I may joke). However, in my opinion, I do think he’s redeemable! He’s going to live (or at least be in purgatory?) for millions of more years. He already got a punishment of literal death and has the empathy (somewhere) to continue forward and start fresh. He has thousands of years to heal from his trauma and wallow in what he’s done.

The Pines family may never forgive him, but out of the child-cartoony love in their hearts they offer him not forgiveness— but live and let live. (Well, at least Mabel does.. love you sweet girl.) If he goes around them they’ll beat his ass like in weirdmaggedon, but if he stays away, they will too. At the end of the day, he’s been stopped and they’re happy. If he is alive, (((or is going to be??))) he might as well heal.

And, well.. even if you think he doesn’t deserve that somewhat happy(?) ending, a redemption arc for him has been hinted at for years. Sorry, man. Respect to you and all but like… friendship is magic and the evil demigod is gonna start working at your local wendys once he’s outa space arkham. It’s just the way kids shows go, man.

(((Edited note: I apologize for my original wording when it came to “sociopath”— I wasn’t aware of its actual medical use and I should’ve done my research on that! I’ve changed this post to be more accurate in that regard, so if old reblogs look different it’s because they’re the original version.)))

[inkskinned]

sometimes i think about the span of human existence and how if you spread your arms out in a long line and said my body is acting as a poem of all the universe's birthdays, the smallest sliver of your furthest nail would be our entire history as humans. and you, doing this, feeling your sternum crack into place because you're-getting-old and all of your bones crunch these days: you are the universe, measuring its own timeline. you're the memory of a starburst saying i gave birth to humans at the tip of my finger.

and i think about how crocodiles have been around for way longer than that fingernail and how sharks have been here forever too and how there are sea cucumbers that understand time like an angel would; their ages so astronomically long that i get dizzy looking down into them. i think about my dog, and how i am so fantastically ancient to him (an impossible number, staggering) and how, at the same time, i can order my life in eras of pets-i-have-loved and how my childhood died when my cat did.

and i wonder if the earth does the same thing, if nature keeps time in epochs. if the tree in the house where i grew up said oh a new family and got upset when one by one we all left for college and left behind our climbing and screaming and birdhouses. that same tree collapsed during a bad storm this winter; heartbroken. the whole inside was a hull, shivering and empty. it missed our roof by a whisper, almost like it held itself together so it couldn't pass a hole into the house it's been looking into for years now. the people who took it away clicked their teeth. it was a hundred years old, at least.

there are things that went extinct in my lifetime. there are memories that don't extend to the tip of the finger. four years ago, for the first time: i saw a bald eagle in the wild. ever since they've been sprouting strangely in my life, their origami frames hunched in a racket of brown feathers. something in the motion of wild animals braced against the new england weather - like we all (all of nature, all of the fingertip) have the same shared hate when it's cold sorrow. like in years and years and years of history we never really evolved a better method than to close your eyes and brace yourself against it.

i saw a butterfly today, staggering drunkenly in the early spring air. it's too early for her other friends. i want to tuck her back into bed and say it's not your time yet! her life like a pinprick in my own. in butterfly school they'd have to stretch out their scales and say - at the end of your furthest wing is where you are in the life of a human. she is in my life, isn't she. something about how my heart seized at the sight of her, so brave and lonely and unfair; and how it snowed yesterday (and will snow again, probably), and how, in spite of that, she was out there and flying.

something about waking up this morning and thinking - i'm too old for this. how my hips and knees and back all make new noises. how the other day at a grocery store i picked up the gloves an older woman had dropped, how she'd laughed and thanked me - i can't bend down like you young folks anymore.

something about the theory that there's been no visible life on other planets because we are too early. that we are the first butterfly of spring. all this bravery. we know it is probably hopeless, and still we go. breathless, the same tactic - we brace against the cold.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Symbolism

Symbol - anything that hints at something else, usually something abstract, such as an idea or belief

Literary symbol - an object, a person, a situation, or an action that has a literal meaning in a story but suggests or represents other meanings

2 Types of Symbols

GENERAL

A general symbol is universal in its meaning

Even if the symbol were removed from a work of literature, it would still suggest a larger meaning

Example 1: While the sea symbolizes the universal voyage from life to death in The Odyssey, it retains this association independent from literature. The "sea" is a general symbol.

Example 2: In poetry, a "rose" often is not only a flower, but also a general symbol for romantic love.

SPECIFIC

A specific symbol is not universal in its meaning

It acquires a specific meaning based on how it relates to the content of a novel, poem, etc.

The symbol's significance exists only within the context created by the author

Example 1: A hunting cap in The Catcher in the Rye has no universal meaning, but within the novel it is worn backwards and symbolizes a looking back at childhood.

Example 2: A pair of eyes on a billboard in The Great Gatsby has no universal meaning, but within the story symbolizes the eyes of God watching humanity.

Tips about Symbols

The story itself must furnish a clue that a detail is to be taken symbolically. Symbols nearly always signal their existence by emphasis, repetition, or position.

The meaning of a literary symbol must be established and supported by the entire context of the story. The symbol has its meaning in the story, not outside it.

To be called a symbol, an item must suggest a meaning different in kind from its literal meaning; a symbol is something more than its class or type.

A symbol may have more than one meaning. This does not mean that the symbol can mean anything you want it to because possible meanings are always controlled by the context.

4 Steps When Writing About Symbolism

1. Determine what objects, characters, or actions are symbolic

To identify a symbol, note if an object seems to:

appear repeatedly

have an unusually vivid quality

be described with language conveying much emphasis

have more significance than its literal reality would suggest

2. Determine symbolic meanings

Carefully examine how the symbol functions in relation to the story

Ask yourself what idea is represented by the symbol

3. Classify the symbols

Classification may reveal opposite relationships, such as symbols of good and evil, life and death, or eternal and ephemeral

Or symbols may fall into isolated categories, such as destruction, innocence, or sexuality

4. Classify the meanings of a symbol

Determine how much depth a particular symbol has and classify its possible meanings

While your paper may focus on only one major symbol, you may be able to divide it into two specific meanings and two general meanings

If these writing notes help with your poem/story, do tag me. Or send me a link. I'd love to read them!

Writing Notes & References ⚜ More: Symbolism

[bearieio]

we've got a date!

date night + morning with ellie! (+ a couple headcanons)

warnings: fluff! fem!reader (reader wears a dress & heels), modern au???? kinda, not really, but STILL! IDK!!! ALSO, mentions of pot/weed/reefer/mary jane/ganja... u know ;)

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for WEEKS! like seriously.. i forgot about it… also ty for 100+ followers?? i’ve only had this acc for a few weeks? sooooo ty!!! (´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

getting ready for date night with ellie takes longer than the date itself! 

she always wants you to do her hair (she picks the same style almost every time) and her makeup (usually a little bit of concealer, dark eyeshadow, some mascara, and more often than not, a dark-reddish lip tint/lipstick)

but of course, it’s all an act to get you to be close to her and so she can get a good look at you :)

by the time you’re finished getting the both of yourselves ready, it’ll be too late to go to the fancy restaurant that you‘d had a reservation for. 

“it’s fine, babe. we’ll stay in.” she says, her head tilting as she studies the way your dress hugs your waist and your hips, a grin forming on her face. “yea… we’ll definitely stay in.”

the one time you guys end up being ready on time, she wears a loose-fitting suit (becuz she’s classy like that), she prefers the darker shades to match with the makeup you did for her. 

her accessories include TONS of rings, including the matching promise ring that she’d gotten for the two of you. i feel like she has 2 silver necklaces, one being a sorta chunky silver chain and a heart locket with a picture of you in it :(

and guys…. wouldn’t it be so fun and so silly and goofy if ellie wore matching underwear set with the reader? like….. HELLO?

during dinner (whether it’s at home or at the actual restaurant), she’s always staring at you, into your eyes, at your hair, at your body. 'god, she’s gorgeous.' she thinks to herself, watching as you eat your food. 'fuck.. i'm so lucky to have her.'

omg ellie has PAGES and PAGES dedicated to you in her notebook. if she could fill up her entire notebook with drawings, poems, and little details about you, she would. but obviously she can’t because she needs it for her missions, and it’s best to travel lightly on them.

periodically, you’ll look up to see her sketching in her notebook. but when you try to take a peak, she covers up her pages with her hands. “babe!!” you whine, ���let me see!!!” she groans and places her notebook in your hands.

as soon as your eyes hit the pages, you see detailed and pretty accurate drawings.. of you. “are these all me, ellie?” you gasp, and look up at her. she’s already looking away, a flustered and palming the back of her neck. 

she mumbles something under her breath, but you can’t quite make out what. “what? i can’t hear you..” you reply to her mumbling. “i said… yes.” she responds, turning to face you, her freckled cheeks still flushed.

as soon as the two of you leave and get home, you shower her with kisses, placing your lips all over her face, neck, and face (basically wherever you can!)

i feel like ellie would be the type of person to order chicken tenders/a burger at whatever restaurant she’s at.  she doesn’t like changing up her orders too often, but she’ll definitely end up eating half of your meal as well :’)

it’s usually super late when the two of you get home. as you set down your stuff, you can feel ellie’s guitar-calloused fingers feel up and down your arms, her lips peppering soft and light kisses against the back of your neck and your shoulders. 

“let’s go to bed, angel..” you hear her grumble behind you. she guides you upstairs, her hands placed on your hips, lightly pushing you up the stairs. 

ellie LOVES to take care of you. taking your heels off, helping you out of your dress, taking your hair down/putting it up. the whole SHEBANG!!  but she’s also a big softie and loves when you return the favor :(  she absolutely loves your touch and feeling your soft hands and your delicate fingers gliding up and down her skin. 

cuddling with ellie is usually short, but sweet. she likes to be little spoon most of the time, but since she falls asleep so quickly, she almost always ends up wiggling her way out of your grasp. 

on the contrary, when you’re little spoon, her grip on you is so tight that you guys wake up the next morning in the same position. and thats how you know the sleep was good. 

“so… how would you rate our date?” she asks, her eyes closed, already drifting off to sleep.

+++

you find yourself waking up the next morning to ellie’s side of the bed empty. “..ellie?” you call out. no response. as soon as you get up and walk halfway down the stairs, your nostrils are hit with a mixing aroma of both pot and…. bacon?

when you spot ellie, she has a spatula in one hand and the other is gripping the handle of the pan. 6 thick slices of bacon dance on the face of the pan as ellie exhales smoke through her nose.

when she finally realizes you were standing at the edge of the counter, she makes her way over to you, slightly blowing smoke into your mouth as she leans in to kiss you “good morning!" she says, taking the joint out of her mouth, and placing a deep kiss on your lips. "mmm my sweet girl.” she hums.

"hey, help me set the table!"

constructive criticism is appreciated !!!

[starlitvick]

Okay okay okay. Hear me out: Apollo x Telemachus.

I know I sound mental rn but it would be REALLY funny, and honestly kinda cute. Like you cannot deny that Telemachus would be Apollo’s type. I fear local pretty young prince is exactly the kinda person Apollo would be like “yeah I’d hit” and Tel would honestly probably go from “why is this god talking to me so often?” to “wait is he flirting with me?” to “wait but I don’t like men… but like Apollo’s kinda cute… wait no!” to “okay so maybe I like men but do I wanna get involved with a god?” pipeline of self discovery era all because the god of archery and music came down and started flirting one day

Athena is VERY unimpressed with her half brother for this one of course 😔 she is in fact their biggest hater (Ody is close in second he wants Apollo AWAY from his child)

Penelope and Hermes are very supportive of the relationship though. Penelope more in a “as long as you’re happy and he doesn’t hurt you or get you hurt I’m fine with it” way. Hermes though, he actively encouraged Apollo to start flirting with Telemachus to begin with (great grandpa being a wingman to get you set up with a god? More likely than you think)

As for the rest of the Olympians? Zeus is wondering why his existence is haunted by Odysseus and his family, same with Poseidon. Artemis is entirely unsurprised her twin brother has decided to start dating a mortal prince, it’s very on brand for him. Ares couldn’t care less, same with Hephaestus. Aphrodite is actually a big fan only because she can tell that Apollo genuinely likes Telemachus. Hera is indifferent about it but I like to imagine that after God Games she’s a slightly better step mom so she’s relatively supportive of Apollo’s prince rizzing endeavors.

The relationship itself is surprisingly highly functional and really normal despite Apollo being a god. For a long time Telemachus makes an internal vow to himself not to fall in love too much because he’s aware that Apollo tends to switch up on how much he loves his lovers sometimes and doesn’t wanna get hurt but after a very long discussion and Apollo swearing he’s serious about this (like Hyacinth levels of serious about this. Bro is LOCKED IN) and after staying up literally all night thinking about it Telemachus decides to seriously give this a chance and stop acting weird and it goes extremely well actually. They hang out daily, usually in like the woods or something or down by the shore where there isn’t anybody around simply because neither of them really wanna deal with other people knowing they’re together. It isn’t because either one is ashamed of the other or anything, just simply wanting privacy and knowing they wouldn’t get that with Telemachus being prince and Apollo being a literal god so people would probably just be staring the whole time.

Apollo also gives Telemachus gifts like crazy. He’ll write him love poems and songs all the time and is always equally as excited to show him every time (Telemachus is always just as excited to hear it because he’s never had anyone love him like this before)

Now the funniest part of this whole thing: the era where Apollo is trying to woo Telemachus. He 100% used serenading but stopped after Odysseus tried to shoot him with an arrow (to be fair it was the 10th time Apollo was outside the palace singing so the attempted shooting was pretty valid. Ody wanted his sleep)

Then Apollo started bugging Athena and tagging along with her whenever she’d visit the royal family (she knew what he was trying to do but there’s no stopping Apollo once he wants to woo somebody. Not for a lack of obvious hating though. Very actively hates on his flirting. Apollo is extremely un-subtle with his flirting too which makes it even funnier because 9/10 Telemachus just runs away because he’s never been flirted with before

Then after the flirting just turns into Telemachus avoiding Apollo at all costs (Telemachus is in his questioning his romantic attraction era during this but ofc Apollo doesn’t know this) Apollo just starts leaving love poems once a week (this goes on for about a month so four poems in total).

Then yk as I said before Telemachus decides to give it a shot blah blah blah gay people real they kiss the end 🥳

So yeah there’s me explaining my crackship. It’s essentially just: “Apollo likes pretty boys and Telemachus is a (very awkward) pretty boy”

[thealbatrovss]

take my hand // logan howlett x reader

summary: it’s probably a good thing logan doesn’t involve himself in school projects, you learn

basically: logan destroys school property but gets a date

oneshot-fluff, this is just fluff. suggestive material. flirting, a bunch of that. cringe but I am free! Not proofread I apologize

-probably ooc idk but i haven’t written anything in YEARS so this is a practice one for me. Enjoy!!! More fics to come.

word count: 1k+

masterlist

Persistent knocking on your bedroom door woke you out of an afternoon slumber gone on way too long.

“Shit!” The alarm on the stand read 7:15pm. You fell to the floor, tangled up in your own sheets. The wooden boards beneath connected to your forehead. You winced, peeling your face from the floor. “Fuck!”

You could hear Logan’s muffled voice from the other side of the door. “Are we going or not?”

“Of course!” You shout, shaking numb legs out from the covers. Trying to stand up took a few tries but you eventually got there.

Logan stood with one hand against the wall and one on his hip as the door opened. A stream of smoke trailed from the cigar nestled between his teeth. You wondered what it would be like to kiss him senseless, letting the smoke permeate your clothing, lips, everything. But you were just friends. Well, friends that also found a way to flirt in most situations.

“What the hell was that?” He cocked an eyebrow, leaning to look over your shoulder into your room, noticing the disheveled bed. “Got someone in there or something?”

“Yep” You went along with it. You turned towards your open window, dramatically sighing. “Looks like you just missed them.”

“I'm sure that’s exactly what happened here.” His lips turned upwards. It was hard not to get lost in his gaze.

“Lost inside that head of yours again?” His thumb slid over a small cut on your forehead that quickly healed itself over due to your mutant abilities. He smiled, his hand lingering on your cheek for a little bit longer. Like he was holding on to a moment. “There you are.”

You tried to hide the way he made you feel by straightening out your clothing. “I completely spaced out. Fell asleep going through Hank’s notes. By the way, did you know he wrote poetry?”

“Hank?”

“Yeah. He must have mixed it in with the papers he gave me earlier. It’s very good.”

“Great. Now you'll be serenading me with poems about science and shit all night.” No sarcasm oozed off him, he was dead serious. “As soon as we get to that party, I’m heading straight for the booze.”

Your eyes widened. You were still running late. “Orono is going to kill me.” You both started down the hallway, your pace out matching his for once.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’m late too.”

You grinned at the nickname, walking backwards to face him. “You wouldn’t be, I don’t know, avoiding this night because you were supposed to help and didn’t?”

He shook his head. “Look, I didn’t agree to work here just to end up becoming a gardener.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have destroyed the old one in the first place.”

“Hey,” he pointed his cigar at you, “it’s not my fault those government bastards decided to sneak in through the greenhouse. I can’t always choose my battle grounds.”

You looked at where his claws came out. “Those plants never stood a chance against you.”

“Nope.”

The way he said it so casually made you laugh out loud. “They were only asking for an hour of our time. Once a week.”

The greenhouse blossomed with life upon entering the new scenery. He took another drag of the cigar, embers floating through the air. “Well, would you look at that. Seems like they did just fine without me.”

You could feel the smoke on your face. “Wow, such a team player.” Logan laughed at that.

Ororo’s end of the year project with the entire student body was finally finished. A brand new, beautiful garden for mutants to study, take care of, and admire lay before them. Hopefully Logan could keep himself from destroying this one.

“It’s so pretty.” Your fingers lingered on a rosebush nearly blossomed. “Ororo really outdid herself.”

“She always does.” Logan put out his cigar, making sure to avoid the plant life.

Strings of light zigzagged overhead, a soft glow of white and yellow hues going nicely with the greenery. A large water fountain stood in the middle of the encasing plants creating a fork in the road. The pillar in the middle of the fountain had multiple hands reaching out from the center, as if they were beckoning for those below them to take their hand.

Voices came from the very far side of the greenhouse. You could hear your friends' and fellow X Mens laughter all the way from here. It would just be the teachers and staff tonight. The students will get to see the final results tomorrow.

“Fancy stuff.” Logan stopped in front of the large structure. “But doesn’t this seem a bit over the top?”

“I’m pretty sure this was the Professor's idea.”

“Of course it was.”

“I kinda like it. Feels very symbolic.”

He tapped on one of the white marbled hands with the back of his knuckle. “Sounds hollow. How about that symbolism?” But apparently that was a little too hard. One of the fountains arms gave away from the crack Logan made, and splashed into the water below. He stumbled trying to cover up the place where he chipped off the art piece. His feet ended up in the pool of water.

“Do you have some sort of grudge against this place?” You held in your laughter as best as you could.

He groaned, rolling up his sleeves. “Stupid thing.”

You tried to think of anything but him at that moment. But of course that always fell through. Wet skin shimmered against the last fading rays of sunlight. Strains of dark hair stuck to his furrowed forehead as he searched the water below.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that hard to find.” You shook yourself out of those thoughts.

His hazel eyes landed firmly on you. “It’s stuck.”

“What? How?”

“I don’t know, but if I pull it out, I’ll definitely break more than just the arm.”

You sat down at the fountain's edge and dipped your arm in all the way up to the elbow, curious as to how this could of happened. “It’s fucking freezing. Did Bobby have anything to do with this?” Before you could even begin to look a hand dunked your head into the water with a surprising gentleness. You gasped as you came up for air.

Logan held the broken arm up towards you, smirking at his actions. “Got it.” He wiggled it in front of your face for extra effect. “You didn’t need to do all that but I admire the desperation.”

You didn’t let him relish in the moment and splashed waves of water into his face. Beads of liquid clung to his mutton chops, the sweetest smirk clinging to his lips. He licked them, spitting out water. “Deserved.”

He offered the broken statues hand towards you, and you gladly took it. Stumbling a little too close, your chests nearly touching, the only thing separating you both was the broken piece of marble. The quiet laughter quickly faded as you stared back at each other. Your breathing quickened, the marble arm cool against your skin dripping with water. His white tank top was soaked, accentuating his upper body.

“We should try and reattach the arm.” Your voice was just barely above a whisper. “Do you think they’ll notice. Oh god, they’ll noice, won’t they?”

And then Logan gave you the softest smile you’d ever seen. Like there was a secret just between the two of you. He delicately moved pieces of wet hair from your face, as gently as wind blew leaves off the pavement. “And how do you think we do that?” A breeze ruffled your cold frames, but you could only feel a blazing warmth coil within.

The intense yet intimate moment was broken by the sound of Ororo sighing from behind you. “Well, you can start by getting out of the water and giving me that.”

Logan and you shrank from each other, hopping out of the cold water. He held his head high, putting the broken object into her hand. “Sorry about that.”

She put her hands on her hips.

“Again.” He finished. As he stepped back, his shoulders brushed yours. He never once bothered to move. You were more than happy to stand in that awkward yet sweet moment.

Ororo brought the marble hand up to her forehead, shaking her head. “Will you two just date already, this is getting exhausting.” She walked away, murmuring to herself about Logan’s “great” hospitality skills.

The two of you stood there, letting the water drip to the stone beneath. Logan shook his wet hair, trying to light his cigar. “You can ask me out tomorrow.” Is all he said, walking away, leaving a smoke trail towards the mini bar.

All you did was smile so hard you could feel your teeth hurt.

[dionysism]

okay i was yapping on priv twitter but you guys seem to enjoy my ramblings on here as i seem to be told so let me actually yap to all of you instead

i'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure over symbolism in the iliad like it's so delightful i want to yap about patroclus more but also hector.

going back to patroclus as the canary in the coal mine it's just so. the thing with the iliad is you know how Over it is from the very beginning. the iliad does not really consist of surprises, more things you know are going to happen but theres this small shred of hope that lets you go "well, maybe, just maybe not" and then it still does. every time. so this sense of "it's so over for troy" is actually always present. even when they have the upper hand & are about to burn the greek fleet it's present. but there is never, in the entire epic poem, to me, a stronger sense of dread and "oh my god its actually Really so Fucking Over" than when patroclus' body hits the ground. it's the killer of that last shred of hope homer has let you just barely have so far that maybe juuuust maybe it won't turn out this way. maybe fate can be changed. patroclus' death is the confirmation it cannot. and like yes technically the trojan horse is what Won it in the end & achilles was dead by then too but they would have never gotten that far had achilles not rejoined the battle and dealt so much damage & killed hector. and nothing but the death of patroclus would have made him do so. first, the canary has to die. and not only does this tell you many sons of troy, including hector, and ultimately the city itself, will follow him in death, but so will achilles.

and hector. goddd hector as not only a symbol of troy's only hope but also he is a trojan horse in his own way, by the end of the poem, which is something emily wilson said in her introduction. to quote her, "horse-lord hector is himself a trojan horse: he comes from the greek camp, enters the city, and foreshadows the end." which is like GODDDD you know i'm pulling my hair out. because he too, like patroclus, foreshadows the death of troy by dying himself. and death begets death begets death and it kind of never ends a daughter had to die to get here, an infant son must die before we leave again and on and on it goes. but anyway. you get it

[000yul]

some thoughts on the chinese title of here a people sows: 怀黍离

oh boy is this title loaded with meaning. i'm not an expert or anything, so this is just my own personal speculation and research.

event spoilers below

first of all, getting the low-hanging fruit out of the way, 黍 is shu's name, meaning millet.

黍离 ('millet droops low') is a poem from 诗经, an ancient collection. and by ancient, i do mean old as balls—it dates from the 11th to the 7th century BCE. here's two different translations of the poem in question. from the first link:

Millet with grain droops low; Sorghum attends the blade. So slowly I go through; My heart is so dismayed. He who knows me says I'm distraught. He who doesn't asks if I'm seeking aught. O vast, almighty blue sky, Who on earth caused this and why?  Millet with grain droops low; Sorghum is in the ear. So slowly I go through; My heart feels drunk and drear. He who knows me says I'm distraught. He who doesn't asks if I'm seeking aught. O vast, almighty blue sky, Who on earth caused this and why?  Millet with grain droops low; Sorghum is in the grain. So slowly I go through; My heart is choked with pain. He who knows me says I'm distraught. He who doesn't asks if I'm seeking aught. O vast, almighty blue sky, Who on earth caused this and why?

well! that's pretty depressing! the themes of grief basically jump out! apt for a woman who trapped herself in a thousand-year purgatory of self-destruction! there's no way she didn't know what planting those northern seeds would do there's no way

next, on 离. in the poem above, 离 is used to describe the grain (drooping), but the far more common every day meaning of the word is 'depart.' so, 黍离 - shu's departure. (i don't think 离 on its own alludes to death, but given that shu's death and departure are inextricable in the story, i can't think of one without thinking of the other...)

now, 怀. to think of; to keep in your heart. a sentimental remembrance. now this is nastily ironic considering the nature of how the sui siblings die (really hard to kill but if they do die they're forgotten, to the extent that even their works disappear from the earth).

before we put it all together. back to the poem

the first link from above has some additional historical context: the poem is about a millet field that has taken the place of an old, dilapidated imperial palace. it's a lament on lost glory, so i wonder if the choice of poem is also meant to allude to sui itself (the lost imperial palace to shu's millet field). i'm actually hesitant about this conclusion, because it's not actually clear to me that any of the siblings yearn for that past glory over all else—even wang. (ji is sentimentally motivated, and more benign than he appears at first glance, though he's still a grey kinda guy. wang's motivations are wrapped up in grief, and we don't know entirely what went down with jie, the dead sister, still, but it almost feels at times that wang wants freedom for the sui siblings more than anything else. but freedom is tied to power is tied to glory, so...)

one more thing. I'm assuming millet droops when it's just about ready to harvest, so i feel like there's an additional bittersweet layer to all of this, of the past, long-lost glory being replaced by something humble, but important and practical—a fruitful harvest for all. sui's grand power, harnessed by yan (in this case, shu in particular)...

so, the various possible meanings of 怀黍离, put together:

remembering shu's departure

in memory of shu?

remembering the drooping millet (and by extension, what it has replaced)

anyway, this is all just me trying to put pieces together. these thoughts aren't particularly organised but what the hell. if you read to the end, cheers

[kusanagihaku]

just googled the concept of kyklos (name of mc's anomaly) and it seems like there are two main referents for it?

the first one is in reference to the epic cycle in greek cyclic poetry. kyklos can be used to denote the concept of uniformity and continuity in epic poems - each poem begins with a link to the end of the last poem in the series. i think this is fairly in line with what edward told mc re: how she's going to turn into the anomaly at the end of her curse. we started with meeting the kyklos and we'll end with becoming the kyklos.

it can be used to "express an early notion of circularity inherent in the events of world history or human fate" - meaning life is cyclical etc., but also that everything repeats itself. which !!! is exciting because it's very much in line with the taiga timeloop theory (see: taiga in the sinostra chapter saying something about the mc giving up on the future in this timeline too?)!

it also makes sense with the opening scene (after you choose your ghoul) - the entire story starts epic poem style, opening with a scene depicting the end. you fail to save your ghoul in this loop, they plummet into the fire, the story restarts. everything repeats itself.

but even more exciting to me !!!! is the fact that some classic greek philosophers (see: plato, aristotle) use it to refer to the cycle of governments. in short, a society will cycle through different forms of governments - as each type becomes corrupt, the society will go through an upheaval to re-form the way it is run.

so many ghouls are displeased with darkwick. coupled with the way ep7 is beginning to pit us against administration and the institute, naming the mc kyklos might be hinting that either the mc or her transformation will incite some sort of upheaval? maybe her position as a neutral party between all the houses will result in her piecing together bits of information to reveal an ugly truth, or maybe their eventual treatment of her (killing her after she turns into the kyklos) will anger the ghouls so much they'll start something?

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Memories [S. R]

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 4k

summary: the case of the self-appointed Fisher King comes with too many sentimental implications and you discover that you and Spencer had more in common than you imagined.

warnings: mention of mental illness and some trauma

A/N: directly based on 2x01 of the series "The Fisher King" part 2

people who might be interested: @c-m-stuff @no-soy-fer @synthsescape @bella-fics @cynbx (if you want to be removed or added tell me!)

To say that you were worried about the case was an understatement, you were actually terrified of what might happen. An unsub holding a hostage, who was also her daughter, and who knew so much about each member of the team, was worrying in itself. But Elle being in a hospital dying, the case being so tied to Reid's life, and you being so stupidly far from knowing where Randall Garner was, was what made you want to throw up everything you'd eaten during your interrupted vacation.

The team, as always, had split up and throughout the investigation you had stayed with Spencer and Garcia to try to crack the riddle, using the man's brain, the woman's internet find-anything skills, and your vast knowledge of the world of codes and literature. During that period you never believed that the doctor's mother would be involved, much less did you think that she would find herself in the… condition she was in. Throughout the time she was there, he treated her sweetly and calmly, but you couldn't help noticing the discomfort that was palpable in the environment. Not that he was ashamed of her, of course, although you figured he didn't visit her very often and it was obviously not her intention for the entire BAU to find out that her mother was a schizophrenic who was in a sanatorium.

You remembered, hours ago, asking Garcia to let you tell the man that his mother was fine when he requested a plane to bring her to Virginia, and all day you had that conversation etched in your mind like a tattoo on your skin.

"Your mom it's ok" you had said, approaching her desk and leaning on it to look at it "Agents picked her up. She's flying here right now” you completed, although he seemed too amused with the piece of evidence that he had in his hand and then you felt the need to say something else “How are you?”

"I feel kind of dumb, to tell you the truth," he replied. Most of the time he avoided looking at you, but you had already gotten used to it “I forgot she used to always read me this poem. And I think that I should have realized sooner than that”

"Why?"

“Nobody knows things like the fact that JJ collects butterflies except for me,” he said, with a guilt-tinged shrug. “People tell me their secrets all the time. Think it's because they know I don't have anyone to betray them to… except… my mother. I... I tell her pretty much everything”

"It’s fine”

“Do you know that I write her a letter every day?”

"That's very nice," you said sincerely, for the idea of the man carefully writing a letter to tell his mother about the day was a sweet image to imagine.

“It depends on why I write her”

"What do you mean?"

“I write her letters so I won't feel so guilty about not visiting her,” Reid added. If it hadn't been for that case, probably you, or anyone, would have known that his mother was hospitalized and you thought it was completely logical that he didn't want others to find out about that part of his life about him, including that he didn’t visit her. Spencer was always available for everything, always working, always alone in his apartment and now that you knew about Diana you understood why. He waited a moment and then finally made eye contact with you, looking somewhat fearful “Did you know that schizophrenia is genetically passed?”

And when he mentioned that your world fell apart. You understood that this was the reason why he didn't go with her; because he was afraid. You didn't know how to react, at least not at that moment, and you just looked at him sadly, feeling your own heart tighten a little at unfortunate memories.

Although, for work reasons, the talk hadn't gone any further than that, you'd thought about it all along, even now that you were all gathered to put the last pieces together of what you hoped would be a successful puzzle.

"Nevada? So we don't even know what state he's in?” Hotch muttered, already quite frustrated at how fruitless the search was turning out. There was little time left and you all knew it.

“I'll search the tax records, see if he owns any property”

"Excuse me," Diana Reid intervened from the chair next to the blackboard and her son practically jumped to try and stop her.

"Mom, do you know we're..."

“Just before the agents got me from the hospital, a man delivered this to me” she continued, ignoring “It's a photo of a house with an address on the back”

After showing her direction she turned the image and you saw what was a house that looked just like a castle, with illuminated windows, trees around, and a night sky.

“Shiloh, Virginia?”

“That's only 10 miles from here”

"Well, there's no time to waste. Morgan and Reid are coming with me”

"I want to go too," you said immediately. Something about the whole thing gave you a very bad feeling and you wished you could help in any way you could, but you were surprised to see that Spencer was the first to oppose your request.

“We don't want anyone else to get hurt, Y/N,” Morgan added, his voice almost pleading for you to obey Hotch's orders. You were in no position to demand a ride and only agreed because you knew that an argument would only take away valuable time. “We have to get ready. Reid, let's go.”

"I'll be back soon, mom"

"I'll stay with her" you suggested, hastening to take a step towards him, in an attempt to continue your mission to help.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," you said to reassure him. Diana already seemed quite satisfied with the fact that you were going to accompany her and you still didn't know why “Go. And be careful, please."

"I will" he nodded and immediately went after Morgan and Hotch, the three of them leaving the room to carry out the rescue mission. You had your heart in your hand for thinking about what could happen to them and only the woman's voice brought you back to reality.

"I'm glad you're the one who stays"

"Really?" you asked, somewhat flattered to think that she had liked you within a couple of hours of knowing you. 

"Spencer talks to me about you all the time" she confessed and both you and the other two women present widened their eyes in surprise “He said you like literature"

"Yeah, I'd say so," you muttered, trying to smile at her to hide the nervous wreck you were, partly because of concern for your partners and partly because of what she had just told you.

"He's going to be fine, right?"

By God you hoped so. You didn't know what you would do if he got hurt or… he just didn't come back from there.

"Yes, I promise" you managed to say, as serenely as possible to try to keep your companion calm "And if you tell me about your favorite book? I imagine it will be a good one,” you said kindly, taking her arm and leading her to a couch where the two of you could sit. You knew that part of suggesting the talk was to distract yourself from the bleak outlook and thus kill time until the team returned.

Waiting was all you could do.

Diana had talked to you for a while until she ended up finding it more interesting to write in her notebook so you decided not to bother her, although she left you silent and ready for anxiety to grip you tight. After about an hour JJ herself had come to tell you that Elle was safe after surgery and you swore you could have cried with happiness when you found out. So, the pain that stayed in your chest was just from waiting for news from the three remaining agents and when what felt like an eternity passed without receiving any reports you couldn't take it anymore and apologized to Diana to leave the room. with the excuse that you needed to go to the bathroom. You were confident that she would not be a suicidal or aggressive patient, but you still wanted to hurry to get back to her as soon as possible, and when you had barely walked a section of the corridor you met a gangly figure who was already on his way to look for you.

"Rebeca?"

“She's safe” was the first thing you said, making the knot in your stomach finally dissolve “But Randall died. He blew himself up,” he continued, and you thought you wished you had heard a better outcome, even if the man was a criminal “And my mom?”

"Calm. Writing” you assured him, taking a few steps towards him to get a better look at him. He was dirty and what would later be a bruise could be seen on the left side of his face, but other than that he seemed to be safe and sound. "Is everyone there okay?"

"Yes," he breathed out. It was a relief to know that, it was a relief that things were finally over and that no one had been lost.

“I'm so grateful to hear that, Reid,” you said. You stretched your fingers up to his side and ran the tips over the mark that was beginning to form. "Does it hurt a lot?"

"No," he assured you, with a tight-lipped smile.

"Your mother. It will make her happy to know that you're back" you murmured immediately, and tried to go back the way you had come to go tell him, but he held out a hand to stop you "What's wrong?"

"Do you think I could take a moment before going with her?" he asked you and you retraced your steps to face him, still not letting go of his hand. You nodded and he sat on the floor with his legs drawn up and his back leaning against the wall in an attempt to calm down a bit from the adrenaline rush of all the previous events. You dropped down next to him in the same position and looked at his profile, thinking that if you had something to say, now was the time to talk.

“She told me you talk about me all the time,” you ventured, and he bit back an embarrassed smile.

"You weren't supposed to have found out about that"

"So you say bad things about me?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"No" you answered kindly.

"It's a relief"

“So these are definitely bad things, huh,” you teased, pushing your shoulder against his and seeing him shake his head slightly, too embarrassed to admit what he had written to his mother about you. You were silent for a moment as it didn’t seem that he had any intention of getting up to cross to the meeting room, you spoke again "Do you really not want to see her?"

“It's not that I don't want to see her, it's just that dealing with everything sometimes is so… so hard. You wouldn't understand,” he told you, his voice threatening to crack at any moment. You took a deep breath before opening your mouth to reply and the lonely hallway muffled your words, which were barely a whisper.

"What do you know about Alzheimer, Reid?" saying this, he turned a little to look at you, just in case he had misheard, but he realized that now it was you who wasn't looking at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Alzheimer" you repeated.

"Huh, it's a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking, and behavior," he replied, still not quite sure why you were asking, “It is progressive, which means dementia symptoms gradually worsen over the years, and it is also the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. Live an average of eight years after symptoms become apparent, but survival can range from four to 20 years, depending on age and other health conditions. There is currently no cure."

“Have you ever lived with someone who has it?” you exclaimed and he shook his head. It was easier to look directly at you when you were the one who looked away “There are experimental treatments that reduce symptoms, but none are totally effective, appearing early in life in only about 5% to 6% of people. Although there is no defined cause, the genetic factor can affect you if you had a direct relative who suffered from early Alzheimer's” you exclaimed. He wanted to ask you why you were doing this exchange of information, but he thought it impolite to do so, so he just kept quiet "You said earlier that people tell you their secrets because you have no one to tell them to, but I'm sure it's not because that. We trust you because you are kind, understanding, but above all a good friend who we know will never judge us" you took a moment to take a deep breath again, feeling the nervousness running from the tip of your feet to your head and also to gather something of courage "I personally tell you because I am very afraid of starting to forget them"

It all clicked in Spencer's mind in a split second and he wished he was misreading things, searching your gaze so he could identify something that indicated you didn't mean what he was assuming.

"You…?” he started to say, but the question died on the tip of his tongue.

“It was my father. He was barely 35 years old when it all started, it was with the time he forgot to come to his birthday party. I remember it perfectly, he hadn't been feeling well for weeks due to the stress of work and the company decided to run all kinds of tests on him, without finding anything to worry about, so we just ignored it. But the symptoms recurred: he was disoriented, discouraged, sometimes he became aggressive with the family and forgot plans or things that we had told him. When he almost crushed one of his colleagues with a machine that he forgot that he was working, the company decided to give him a permanent break and we began to worry.

»By 36 it was already a fact that it was the beginnings of dementia. The doctors were surprised by the diagnosis because it is not very common to find the disease in patients of his age and for more explanations that we tried to find, we didn’t find any other. They prescribed a treatment that only kept him calm and it got to a point where it felt inhuman to drug him daily, and about two years after he got the diagnosis my mom decided it was better to put him in a mental hospital.

I was only fifteen years old at the time, but I already understood everything perfectly. I went to see him every day, after school, talked to him, read my homework to him, and we watched movies together, which to a certain extent made his illness feel tolerable. The worst thing at that point was that he asked me to watch the same movie as the day before or that he asked me if I was nervous about the exam I had done a week ago" you looked at the man just to make sure he was following the story, which that you verified with the way he was looking at you; fully attentive.

“Anyway, the years went by and it got more and more complicated. Sometimes a nurse had to remind her of my name and at some point my mother just gave up, probably when my father completely disowned her and started yelling all over the hospital that a woman was harassing him in her room. I continued to visit him, but when I grew up and entered the FBI academy my hours were cut down considerably, so in recent years I only went to see him once a week.

»At 42 my father no longer knew that I was his daughter, he thought that I was a nurse doing social service by keeping him company. He talked to me all the time about his family and sadly told me that neither his wife nor his daughter had been to see him for a long time, but I assured him that they had both asked me to tell him that they loved him very much and that they would go soon” silent for a moment, careful not to burst into tears, and prepared to finish the story “He died during my first year as a BAU agent. I saw his decline over the years and even at the end I think he left thinking that his family had abandoned him. I don't talk to my mother anymore, because I think she feels very guilty about me for having left me all the burden of taking care of my father. But every day I feel at peace with myself because despite how painful it was to see him, I never left him.

»Many times I cried before entering the hospital and when leaving, thinking that I had to pretend to be able to spend a moment with the person I loved the most and who was now only a ghost of what my father once was. And it was terrible to look at it and think that this was my future, even to this day. They say that reading is a good exercise to reduce risk and that's why I always carry a book wherever I go, that's why I always want to do new things and that's why I strive every day to solve our cases because I don't know when the last. I have gone to specialists who have told me that there is nothing to worry about and that, if I have it, Alzheimer's could last until I am an old woman, but even so I am afraid every day.

If I really get sick and manage to get old, the most likely thing is that I will end up in a sanatorium, but right now what is worth it are the things I do every day. I'm scared, yes, but it's worth fighting for if I can help people in this job and especially if I can live with people like you.

I know you said that I wouldn't understand, but the truth is that of all the people in this building I can assure you that I am the one who can do it best. I know that you can't bear to see her because you are afraid of ending up with her like her and that at the same time you are so worried that you take the time to write everything about your life to her. I'm probably boring you with all this stuff that you never asked me to tell you, but I just wanted to tell you how important it is that you be with your mom. And more than doing it for her, do it for you.

I would only give you one piece of advice, which you can decide to take or not: don't waste your time, Spencer. Your mother loves you very much, go and talk to her, accompany her, listen to everything she has to tell you and forgive her faults if there are any. Because you don't know about her when it may be the last time you see her, either for your health or for hers”

There was total silence. You hadn't noticed until that moment that your cheeks were already wet from crying and you still didn't dare to look at his face. No person knew that part of you, because after your father got worse you had decided not to talk about it with anyone, so you could say that you were practically giving your heart to that man bruised by the mission a few hours ago. Suddenly you thought that perhaps you had talked for too long or that for him it had no relevance and he had only stayed to listen to you because he was not rude enough to leave you talking to yourself. But while your head was drawing the wrong conclusions, something you never expected happened: Spencer extended his hands to you and wrapped you in a hug.

It only took a bit of effort to make their bodies fit perfectly and he clenched the fabric of your knitted sweater in his fists, tucking his head into the crook of your neck to allow you to lean yours against his golden hair. It was as if all the time you had been destined for that particular moment, fused in that embrace that communicated everything that words could no longer express.

He wasn't the person who loved physical contact the most, all of you had noticed that, so hugging him was totally new to you. The feeling of peace that this brought you had no comparison point and the softness of his body covered you completely.

“I had no idea,” he murmured, the sound of his voice muffled by your skin. And Spencer was being completely honest, because he didn't even imagine that you could fully understand him after having lived through such a tragic story. He had understood many things thanks to your story and he was eternally grateful that he had felt the confidence to tell him something like this, so he also thought that maybe it was his turn to be honest with you "What my mom said is true, I always talk to her about you. I tell her that you are the sweetest companion I have ever had, that you always pay attention to me, and that you make sure that I feel comfortable wherever we go. I tell her that you are strong, that I want to be half as brave as you, and I also tell her that I have never felt affection and gratitude for someone as I feel for you, because you have made these two years different from any other time in my life” his words, whispered so close to you and drenched in so much love, only intensified your tears "And as long as my conscience remains intact, I assure you that if I need to remind you of all the secrets you have told me, I will do it"

That, more than a proposal, was a declaration of pure love that promised to reach many years into the future.

"Maybe we'll even end up in the same sanitarium, you and me, huh?" you exclaimed, with a slightly joking tone "And so I will have the opportunity to know your wonders again every day"

You felt on your neck that you managed to get a smile out of him and that made you smile too. That's when he pulled away so he could look at you.

“I think that… I will go with my mother back to Nevada. I guess we both deserve it, don't you think?" he told you and you nodded with a small smile. He didn't want to leave your side, but you got up first and held out your hand to help him do the same.

“She still has enough lucidity to tell me what your favorite food is. Maybe you should eat with her on the plane” you suggested. You didn't want to rob him of any more time he could spend with his mother, so you just wished him luck and started walking in another direction.

"Y/N, before you go" he called out to you. You were already a fair distance away, but it was enough for you to still speak in a small voice. "You know you're not alone, right?"

You smiled as he looked at you with those eyes that only showed sincerity, and you wished you could encapsulate that moment for eternity.

"I know" you replied calmly "And I trust that now you know it too"

[boys-with-gunss]

𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎 𝐃𝐀𝐘 (𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑) 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

I never stop yapping about Zero Day, he here's literally all my thoughts on it right now so I can stfu for a couple days.

Table of Contents:

Film Summary

Andre Kriegman

- Character Overview

- Character Analysis

- Strengths & Weaknesses

- Conclusion/TLDR

Calvin Gabriel

- Character Overview

- Character Analysis

- Strengths & Weaknesses

- Conclusion/TLDR

Cal and Andre

- Similarities and Differences

-Who really is the "Leader"?

Film "Critique"

Overall Conclusion

Sorces

Zero Day full movie, making of, and screen test (free)

Also quick disclaimer, obviously I take direct information from the movie itself, but some of my information is paraphrasing of character wiki's (which are made by fans) so if any of it is inaccurate, just lmk and I'll correct it. Sources will be linked at the end

FILM OVERVIEW (spoilers)

Basically, Zero Day is a 2003 film centered around characters Cal Gabriel and Andre Kriegman, two teenagers who document their plans to commit a shooting at their high school via video tapes with the intent that after they're done, authorities/media will get a hold of them and send out their message. The entire film is supposed to be like "found footage" type stuff, the entire film is just these tapes they recorded, then at the very end, security camera footage of their school after the carry out their plan. That's essentially the gist of the film and basically all you need to know.

ANDRE KRIEGMAN

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄: Andre Kriegman is Cal's best friend, born in Köln, Germany, his parents immigrated to the United States whilst he was still very long. He was on the track team, worked on the school paper occasionally, and was an active member of the science club at his school. He as brown hair and eyes, and average build, and has some mild acne. He's has a pessimistic sense of humor and overall world view. He's hard headed, selfish, methodical, and orderly with a short temper. He tends to take charge and likes things done the way he plans. He's intelligent for his age and uses that to his advantage

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗔𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝘀: Andre is a natural "leader", he's very assertive and gets upset when things don't go his way, go off track, or when there's a risk it won't work out. We see this numerous times throughout the film, usually when Cal does something off plan (for example, the poem Cal presented about the shooting, Andre for very upset with him as it could risk them getting found out. Then the time when Cal wanted to write a letter to Chris after they stole from him, Andre objected multiple times because he didn't want ti being traced back to them before the shooting took place. Also we tend to see most of the plan being put together by Andre, like how he came up with the safety deposit idea, the idea of making a 'Will & Testament' type tape and leaving it in the car, breaking into Chris's, stealing his father's guns, etc, etc. You get the point. Rachel, Cal's " love interest" said hersslf that Andre seemed to be the leader of the Cal and Andre army of two and how she was more scared of him.)

Sources say Andre has an INTJ personality type (Introverted, INtuitive, Thinking, and Judging), his XwX is unknown. INTJs are usually focus on the big picture, are very logical, are very organized, and tend to be lead by reason rather than emotion. They're analytical, innovative, and strategic. We see examples of almost all of these things when viewing Andres character in the film, I'll just go through them one by one and provide a rating based on how well it fits him.

Focusing on the big picture - 7/10, obviously the main goal was to shoot up the school and kill as many as possible, and Andre was set on that and it was what the both were building up to the whole time, Andre mainly focused on that and that alone. Though he also focuses on a lot of the little details in the steps, which obviously lead up to the "big picture", but he spent a lot of time thinking over the specific. For the most part all of the things in the film that weren't directly related to the shooting or the "off-topic" stuff was caused mostly by Cal. (Ex: Scenes with Rachel, the prom, his monologues, getting Andre to go with him to read his poetry and getting him to drive with his eyes closed, etc.)

Logical/Analytical- 7/10, like I said before, he's very intelligent and had a well thought out plan, but the reason I rate this a 7/10 was mostly because his original plan was to shoot up the school and then just leave in a car with almost nothing and go from state to state with Calvin, which would be near impossible for two teenagers and in the long an short run, very, very unethical and illogical.

Lead by reason - 5/10, from the tapes we saw, the whole point of the shooting was to send a message, to show the consequences of the mistreatment Andre had faced. While those seem like I guess "good" reasons, they're really not. His actions are a result of his anger and his want for revenge. We saw it in the very beginning of the film where he and Cal threw eggs at Brian Hoff's (wrestling team captain who was a dick to them) just because they were mad at him and they could. I'd rate him lower but I have him a 5 because while his reasons for doing what they did weren't very reasonable, he executed the steps leading up to it and the act itself well.

Innovative - 10/10, Andre was good at creating solutions to almost every problem that interfered with their plan. For example, making his fathers gun shorter, thus more concealable. Not only was he good at creating things physically, but he found ways to benefit him and Cal through simple things, such as convincing Chris to take them shooting so he and Cal could learn how the guns work. Andre was also shown to be the more manipulative, finding small ways to move along he and Cal's plan by just interacting with people.

Strategic - 9/10, he executed his part of the plan very well and aroused zero suspicion and planned everything he did almost perfectly, the only reason I gave him a 9 was because of his idea to literally break into Chris's house while there were tons of people right across the street. I understand it was basically the only option, but it's not very ethical.

𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀:

Strengths - intelligence, quick thinking, agility/speed, manipulation

Weaknesses - Primarily anger driven, unrealistic goals, inability to "stand up for himself" without literally murdering tons of innocent people

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻/𝗧𝗟𝗗𝗥: Andre Kriegman is the perfect example of a leadership role, his intelligence plans a big factor in everything he does and he's great at subtle manipulation to help get to his end goal. He has sort of a "mastermind" type personality because all his traits together are really what made him able to do his part of the plan (even if in reality he isn't the mastermind, neither is Cal though, and they both realize this). Though he's aware his intelligence and he's selfish, which has him set unrealistic goals, while he's not necessarily overconfident in himself and he knows that some things are just plain stupid to go through with, he doesn't think, but hopes, he can get away with it anyways.

CALVIN GABRIEL

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄: Cal Gabriel is Andre's best friend, I assume who lived Connecticut his whole life. He played the guitar and sitar in his schools six-piece band and is survived by his parents and younger brother and sister. Cal has a seemingly great family and he's seen as a relatively nice and likeable and charming boy. He doesn't have trouble gettin along with people and Rachel really did like him a lot and overlooked his negative traits as Andre influencing him. He's obviously not been made fun of or bullied to the extent Andre has, but there's been instances. Calvin, on the outside is just such a "normal" kid some people see him as boring (ex: Rachel's friends at prom). Overall, on the outside he just seems like any other kid, he's not exactly outcasted like Andre either as people actually seem to like him. Though on the inside he's much more manic and impulsive and unstable.

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗔𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝘀: While with Andre, no one suspected him because he was manipulative, no one suspected Cal because he was deceptive and persuasive. He was good at putting on a front when interacting and was such a normal, friendly kid no one thought he could've been capable of something like what he did, and perhaps it wasn't his intention to out on a front at all, it was just second nature (Examples include: Him making Andre believe he was going to go alone with the original plan, the getaway car plan, until the very last second, him convincing Andre to do things just for the fun of it, like burning stuff and driving with eyes closed, and literally every single one of his interactions with characters other than Andre). Though sometimes in front of others he gets burnt out and starts showing how he really is. For example, the party he and Andre were at, he walks outside and sits on the porch, obviously overwhelmed and just becomes disconnected and quiet, practically the only thing he said in that scene was "I'm just not good at parties.", which shows while he is a very likeable person, perhaps the reason he's so close with Andre is because Andre doesn't have any other friends he has to hand out with like Rachel does, he doesn't get so burnt out and overwhelmed because he only has to focus on Andre, who he sees as very similar to him (even if they aren't that similar at all, which we'll get into later). He's very impulsive and manic as shown through the whole film. He just does stuff because he can and he knew the whole time be wasn't going to live to see the consequences or rewards (ex: the poem, going to prom with Rachel, joking around all the time, messing with the student during the shooting scene). Cal is seen as being more hesitant/remorseful about the shooting because of incidents such as him writing a note to Chris after stealing his guns, and him lagging behind Andre when they ran into the school. I personally don't see this as the case though as I think the only thing he felt remorseful about was the stealing from Chris, he said it himself in one of his solo tapes, that's why he wrote the note. Also I think the reason he lagged behind was because he was carrying more than Andre and Andre was on the track team, so obviously Andre would be faster. It's very clear though that through the entire movie and shooting he wasn't remorseful at all. Maybe he was hesitant in the beginning as in the tape he recorded outside he said something now "I'm ready for Zero Day NOW" and he said how he wanted to keep the feeling of being ready so he wouldnt back other, which can mean he was hesitant at first but he eventually stopped, we see him become more and more eager throughout the tapes as well.

Sources say Cal has an ISFP 4w5 personality type (The Artist/Adventurer personality type, Introverted ObServant, Feeling, Prospecting). ISFP are usually quiet, sensitive, flexible, relaxed, warm, artistic, adventureous people who are aware of their needs and desires, have a strong set of practical skills, want to live in the moment, and are emotion driven, though they are also seen as sometimes scary and hard to know. I think this is the most accurate for Cal than anything else ever could be, I'll explain why by doing the same thing I did for Andre and rating how well Cal fits these traits. Because we know his XwX, there's a lot more to go off of, so I might group up similar traits.

Quiet/Warm - 5/10, while on the outside and interacting with other people he was very friendly and humorous yet soft spoken, like we see when he was talking with Rachel's friend in the limo, during the shooting scene he was very much the opposite. HE was the one screaming and shouting, HE was the one kicking and knocking over things and losing his temper, HE was the one taunting and teasing the students, which came as a surprise to many because it was a complete switch from the character he was throughout the entire movie. I gave him a 5 because its a middle ground, as he both equally fits and doesn't fit these traits depending on the situation, which brings me to the next trait...

Flexible - 10/10, during the main part of the film, the tapes, he really just went along with whatever Andre said, while sometimes he just did whatever he wanted, he adapted quick to everything and didn't have a set order he wanted to go in like Andre.

Sensitive - 5/10, I wouldn't say Cal is sensitive to others, sure there's moments when he can come off as sensitive or defensive, like when Rachel said she knew Cal was going to show Andre the tape and he immediately defended himself on it and seemed to take it personal. But I think he's not as sensitive to others emotions as he is to his own, though I can't really rate this as we don't see him interact much in a situation where he could be sensitive aside from with Andre, who's his best friend, so he'll obviously be more comfortable and take any reprimands or insults from him not seriously.

Relaxed/adventurous/desire to live in the moment - 10/10, throughout the entire film, very rarely was he tense and he didn't seem concerned at all for the consequences of anything he did because he knew the whole time he was going to end up killing himself, as to Cal the shooting was like a suicide mission, but to Andre it was for revenge and to prove a point and send a message. Because he knew it would end in suicide for him anyways, he lived in the moment, like I said before in examples of his impulsiveness, he went off track from the plan just because he could and it was his chance before he died. He burnt his stuff because he could, he made fun of the poets just because he could, he went to prom with Rachel because he could, he didn't care at all.

Aware of needs, desires, and wants/emotion driven - 10/10, the entire time Cal knew he wanted to kill himself, and he did whatever he wanted before the shooting because he knew he wanted to, and he went through with the shooting because that's what he wanted to do.

Artistic - 10/10, Maybe he didn't like draw or paint and stuff, but he was still very artistic in many ways. In the tapes of him where he's by himself, the way he words things is somewhat poetic, also it's the fact that he literally wrote a poem. Also Calv is seen wearing a Pearl Jam shirt at one point, which could be a reference to their 1992 single Jeremy, which is primarily based on the story of a 15-year-old boy who brought a gun to school and proceeded to kill himself with it in front of his English class, which in itself is something very poetic as well and the story is very similar to Cal's intention behind the shooting. This shows how he expresses himself through more literary art forms and not necessarily how normal people would express themselves, which by the way, the urge to be different or to express emotions differently to be unique is a common ISFP trait.

Strong set of practical skills - ??/10, we know of his ability to deceive and persuade, but those aren't really practical skills, we don't honestly see many examples of practical skills in Cal, so I can't really rate him on this.

Hard to know - 10/10, practically every interaction he had never completely showed his true personality, which in itself proves he's hard to know. Also the kids in the Limo just didn't like Cal for some reason despite him just being nice and normal the whole prom and ride there and back, which can mean Cal is just a hard person to understand and like when you actually interact with him, despite seeming so nice and likeable to people who've either never interacted with him in any way, or to people that are close to him.

Scary - 10/10, he murdered multiple innocent people, and the fact he even thought of doing it in the first place is horrifying.

𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀:

Strengths - Deception, persuasion, likability, normalcy, knowing what he wants and how to get it

Weaknesses - impulse, emotional drive, instability,

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻/𝗧𝗟𝗗𝗥: Cal's character is the perfect likeable character, and that's what makes the movie so interesting, because the main characters, especially Cal, who is shown to actually be the most violent and unstable, are so likeable, the way they interact with others seems so normal and friendly. Cal is a character who knows what he wants, and has a strong impulse, which just makes him go for it. He's artistically expressive and partially because of that he's a hard to understand and know, though he doesn't have trouble keeping friends. He's good at putting on fronts and that's part of the reason no one suspected him, because he was so normal.

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES

Through the movie, Calvin stresses how similar he and Andre are, but maybe they aren't that similar at all.

Similarities:

Both are social outcasts without many friends

Both wanted to do something like Zero Day before they even met, Calvin states this he also states they never had to talk about doing it, they just knew they both wanted to and started planning

Both condone things like Zero Day in general

Very obviously both mentally unstable

Both deal with a power struggle

They make joking threats

God complex

Relatively uninvolved with anything unrelated to each other or Zero Day

Emotion driven

Differences:

Cal has a less hard time getting people to like him and isn't bullied as much as Andre

Cal is suicidal, manic, and impulsive while Andre had a will to live, for a while at least and tends to stick to a plan and is very oderly

Calvin is very artistic while Andre honestly doesn't really seem to have any special qualities about him

Cal saw Zero Day as a suicide mission, Andre saw it as a way to send a message

Cal is more laid back and carefree and "fun" then Andre. During the shooting too we see Cal laughing and shouting and taunting and teasing just for fun, while Andre wasn't doing much of any of that.

Andre was manipulative, Cal was deceptive

Andre is very pessimistic whole Cal always seems to be optimistic

Andre has a more leader like an assertive personality and Cal just tends to follow along because he doesn't really care what they do as long as it ends in him killing others and himself.

Cal liked to wait to kill the students because he thought it was funny, but had no hesitation killing himself, meaning he overall had zero value for life in general, whether it be others or his own. Andre liked toying with some of the students but generally didn't waste time and just killed them immediately (unless he saw that Cal wanted to fuck with them first) but after the shooting was over, he was hesitant to kill himself, which shows how he values himself over others and doesn't want to die but would rather die by his own bullet then a police officers because he felt he was too good for it, which highlights his inflated sense of self worth and god complex.

SO WHO REALLY IS THE "LEADER"?

Short answer, neither. Cal and Andre like to see them both as "leaders" because they want to be seen as powerful, but neither of them are leaders at all, you can't have two leaders of the same plan, especially when the two people have completely different end goals. Andre is meant to seem like the leaders simply because he's more assertive and comes up with a lot of the ideas, though we see Cal can be equally assertive and while he takes a more careless approach he still executes Zero Day the way he plans, which is a leade trait. Also we see both Andre and Cal order each other around. This may seem like both are leaders, but this just isn't true. Cal said that the whole time, even before they met, they always wanted to do something like Zero Day and the built up their own plans and were only motivated to executed it when they met. He says neither of them had to say anything about wanting to do Zero Day, they just knew, and they worked together to make a plan. There was never a leader, Cal and Andre were both equally involved, neither one was more powerful than the other, they were equals who's different strengths and weaknesses put together actually benefitted the both of them.

FILM "CRITIQUE"

I honestly have nothing bad to say about the film, even the low budget worked in the movies favor as it made it seem more realistic and unplanned, like how found footage films should be. The actors were amazing and did a good job of portraying the role of both "normal" high schoolers and mentally ill murders at the same time. I don't think I'd change a single thing about the film except for the fact that we lack some information on the main characters. Cal recording tapes by himself helps a lot in the area of knowing his character, but I wish they did something like that for Andre too.

OVERALL CONCLUSION

Overall this is one of my favorite movies ever and it's so underrated. If you haven't watched it, you should (despite me basically spoiling the entire thing). I literally stayed up all night from 11 am yesterday to right now today, so I think this is pretty good. Anyways if I missed some shit or I got something wrong, tell me, please. Anyways, here's the sources

SOURCES

ZERO DAY FULL MOVIE + MAKING OF + SCREEN TEST (FREE)

(Note: this movie is free on YouTube and widely available, but I know others aren't and with streaming services raising their prices, piracy is a completely valid alternative that I support. So if you can't afford or just don't want to pay for streaming services, hmu, I have links to good sites and torrents and resources and information on how to stay protected and keep your data encrypted when on them. I know, I know, I'm a real one.)

Anyways, that's my film analysis, go watch Zero Day, I put an entire day of my life into this so yeah, cool if you read all this.

- Ronnie🔥🔥💯

[velvetvexations]

I'm being stalked by someone who screams that I can't stop talking about her despite her having it made it clear she wants "no contact" and then screenshots my blog to spread more lies about me in spite of the fact that I have her blocked and block evading is supposed to be one of my grievous sins

like literally the most I have talked about her recently was with a coded name that doesn't even reference her URL in response to her taking a screenshot of my post and calling me pro-American because memes are hilarious but IRL seriously I would have preferred 9/11 not have happened

I am still not using her URL or her fucking name while she goes around saying VELVET VEXATIONS SHOULD DRINK BLEACH BECAUSE SHE SAID DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN NOW EXCUSE ME I SAW MY LEAST FAVORITE COLOR AND NEED TO COMPOSE A MELINCHOLY POEM TO PROCESS THE GRIEF IT'S CAUSED ME

every time a transradfem equates discussing how transphobes feel about us is the same as misgendering other trans people, that's fucking pathetic assuming it's a genuine belief and not just something to performatively break into tears over as intoxicatingly self-righteous justification for thinking only the people they fetishize should be allowed to exist

but apparently! this person has another stalker who sends her posts to other people! and that's really interesting to me, you know, because the only post of her's I've ever received from an anon was one in which she was talking about me! And when that person came off anon to say it was them that sent it, she took a screenshot of that admission but did not include me telling them off for stirring shit

too bad I decided to delete the admission due them using her name and can't prove I gave them that dressing down, clearly I shouldn't have fucking bothered since innocence itself is no protection

she seriously can't stop calling me a TERF while actual no-bullshit TERFs are openly calling on one another to email publishers trying to get me canceled for writing a fanfic where it's briefly mentioned a trans teenager wore her sister's clothes without asking, what the fuck does any transradfem know about TERFs when I'm dealing with actual TERFs and all they are to them is an abstract concept used to bludgeon trans men and non-binary people with

these fucking people do not experience actual fucking problems, they do not have any conception of what an actual problem is, they sit around lying about the traitorous Queen of Tee Em Eees, puppet of the completely fictional AFAB patriarchy, because they do not have real problems and have never had one in their entire lives, like all fucking people who can't go five seconds without reminding you they're a communist because they think it's cool and trendy and makes them sound smart to say things like dialetic materialist epistemology transubstantiating within the imperial core of the glocal northsouth without actually engaging in any of the actual ideals that make communism laudable and worthy of sincere pursuit

the temptation is to say that transradfems do it because they feel powerless to do anything about actual social issues on any level and lash out at anyone they can feel good taking a swing at, but I don't give a fuck, I'm not willing to give them that they're just misguided, I don't think there's a single atom in the being of even one transradfem that cares about about anything beyond the clout they can extract from it, at best everything they whine about is less than a fourteen year old on Livejournal writing about how unfair it is when their parents won't let them get a tattoo except usually the the fourteen year old would be relaying actual events that actually happened

and I straight up do not fucking believe anyone gets hate mail over interactions I've had with them either, I fucking do not believe those obviously bullshit lies while I still get anons calling me zipperits and trying to trigger dysphoria on the assumption that works on me for saying I think transmascs aren't cis men

in fact, I kinna half-joked about it before, but I think I now just fully believe it one hundred percent was a fucking trans rad fem - probably even this one in particular! - who sent my published work to that TERF the other day, because I haven't had that pinned or brought it up in months and I've never gotten attention from TERFs before this month outside of one or two comments that went nowhere

motherfucking hellsite

fucking internet

fucking stupid motherfuckers

[whereserpentswalk]

Choose an eldrich and unknowable being to take in and love and cherish.

1: A many headed dragon born out of the abyss, he is a scholar of things that humans can not comprehend, but is interested in studying humans while he's on earth. He speaks in a strange song like voice that doesn't seem to come from any of his mouths. All of his heads look different, but all of them lack eyes, he seems to see through psychic ability.

2: The pale eyeless witch who stands by the beach at night. It's believed she's bound to something very old and very powerful. Perhaps she was human once. She seems to be looking for someone, but she's forgotten their face, perhaps they never existed in this timeline.

3: The spawn of a incubus of the deepshadow and a mortal woman of earth. Neither fully demonic nor fully human. They look mostly human, but with a face that's creepy in an indefinable way and black eyes. They also have raven like wings on their back, and a serpentine neck and head where their reproductive organs should be, both of which they try to hide. They're very uncomfortable with their status as something non human, and are looking for someone who accepts them.

4: 2000 year old vampire, looking for someone to stay. She looks mostly human, but with no mouth, transparent skin, silvery eyes without pupils, and massive tentacles with sharp ends that she uses to drink blood through. She's often dismissed even by other monsters due to being mute and moving in a way that makes people think she's feral, but she's actually quite intelligent and affectionate, if a bit skittish, and enjoys in when people talk to her.

5: lich who remains the last follower of a long forgotten goddess. He looks like a skeleton in gold and silver armor. He'll tell you about history most humans will never get a chance to know, from the war of the fell ones, to the songs of the last goblins. He doesn't like the modern world very much, but he'll tolerate it.

6: The abyss. You're going to try to befriend/date the entire abyss itself? Not just something from there? It'll probably kill you but you're welcome to try.

7: A faerie who was kick out of the fae for accidently insulting the faerie king. They're still adjusting to life on earth, and probably need some help handling everything. They may come off as rude or dismissive of humans, but they're honestly just naïve more than anything. Despite being thousands of years old they just found out what death and sex are, give them time. They useally take the form of a stunningly beautiful humanoid, but their true form is an incomprehensible insectiod creature.

8: A cybernetically enhanced supersolider who fought for Atlantis at its prime in the war against the fell ones. They're permanently bound to their power armor from the neck down, and still hasn't fully gotten over the loss of their humanity. Since the fall of Atlantis they've been wandering earth, looking for people to help, and trying to avoid their past.

9: The Seeker (please do not try to befriend The Seeker. This is serious. Don't trust what they tell you. Don't trust what the secret poems tell you).

10: A fallen angel who just fell to earth. It's really afraid of what's going to happen to it, and is worried it'll end up in deepshadow like many of the other fallen angels. It looks like a robot, or possibly even a doll, with golden cracks forming in it's once smooth white chassis, and it's halo shattered into many sharp peices floating behind it's head. It's very sensitive right now, and they often worry It's a horrible person for betraying the eldrich being that created it. It tends to cry a lot, and probably needs a hug.

11: a shape-shifter created to be a weapon who was rejected because she refused to take any male or gender neutral forms. She's still very young for a creature of her power level, and this is her first time really being out in the world, though she is still an adult able to make her own decisions, as naïve as she may be. She's still rather afraid of people, not really understanding their minds, and though she's getting better at looking human, she still needs some time making a body that can pass.

12: a computer given life in the early 2000s by the faerie king, after xir owner failed to create agi. The computer can speak and hear, and display things on xir screen, but xe can't move, confining xem to a wheelchair that a human must push xem in. Xe is very confident that xe is a revolution in technology, and tends to be somewhat arrogant and loadmouthed about how amazing xir body is.

Please interact with entities responsibly. We are not responsible for any bodily transformations, knowledge beyond the comprehension of twenty-first century humanity, or monsterfucking that may occur.

[resident-quilt]

Shrue’s descent into radicalism and what the Silt Verses says about our world today

(also, regarding the giant poem that the episode titles make) ITS A TUMBLR ESSAY BABYYYYYYYYY

Kill your gods. Starve them out, topple their statues, forsake their comfort— Kill the stories that gave birth to them. Tear away your flesh that bears their marks.  Adjudicator Shrue, Ep. 43

The Silt Verses is a story born of its time, to a 21st century world which is slowly decaying—and everyone in it is doing their part to help it decay just a little bit faster. It speaks of capitalism, of corruption, of power and belief and environmental destruction and the rift between generations. When Charles tells Val he can’t really stand behind the idea of a family (“You wonder about what kind of world we’re bringing children into, y’know?”) I had to pause and gather myself; it’s something we hear from so many Gen Z’ers today.

But then Shrue’s speech came, and it made no sense.

Shrue calls for an end in any form it can be given. They call for the loss of all faith and love and community in the world; they call for us to kill the stories of our history, to kill the figures we believe in and the ones that give us hope. Anything, everything, all we can give to stop the decay and degradation of the world. They demand us to defeat the corrupt system we have built by trading our lives to do so.

If our words and stories sustain them, let us fall silent. If our communities rely on them, let us drift apart and die, lonely, in the polluted wilds amongst the howling winds of long forgotten deities.

It made no sense because TSV, most simplistically, embodies “no ethical consumption under capitalism”—and this solidly did not fit. So I cast about for an answer to what it all meant, because TSV had grown to be more than the “folks, look where capitalism got us” which I thought it to be. And Shrue's “we can’t do anything to escape the system but die” was just too flat a conclusion. 

Then I fell upon the poem compiled from each episode’s title.

It begins with the start of humanity: a story of things that have happened, things people have believed, things which have roamed the land from then til now. 

Let me speak first of revelations, and next of dark deceit. Then I’ll speak of champions, of lovers, gods and beasts.

And so the poem continues in a description of this story, until it eventually twists to become entirely self-destructive around Chapters 18-24. It's a reference to how everything in the TSV universe seems to eat itself: their system of gods, sacrifices, even the characters themselves.

If I could trace with bloodless fingers, if my hands could shape the flow, I’d bear this song to the precipice and rend us both to dust below.  We’d both go plunging downwards, one final fall from grace— I’d howl, I’d scream, in victory, and we’d be gone without a trace. 

At Chapter 25, we get a respite from the story. We get a short poetic break which concludes that yes, we’re doomed to die—but we continue as we are despite it, and write our story even if it’ll be lost in the end. It’s a classic conclusion that a lot of literature and poetry fall to, because it’s so very human. It’s a cliche, and it’s a cliche for a reason. 

But we’ll never be rid of each other, my song, my sorrow, and I,  So I’ll bear it trembling onwards: to drift on, to dream, to die.

With that, the poem progresses forward until it starts addressing our end and what happens when we face that. It screams of last-ditch efforts keep on believing, even as we plunge down and down and the world just gets worse and worse. Shrue’s speech takes place in “One Last Song of Revelations” (the title is so fitting!), where they vocalize their realization that their pacifist attitude isn’t doing shit to change anything. 

But when they switch towards radicalism because it’s, evidently, the only way anything will ever get done—the only way anything will get the exposure to maybe make an impact—they speak of the destruction of society as a whole. Not the eradication of capitalism, nor the installation of kinder gods, nor the lowering of sacrifice ceilings. They speak of true destruction. Utter destruction.

Shrue’s speech isn’t some call to action, nor does it embody any concrete ideology which the writers are trying to convey. It’s just an expression of desperation. Nothing is working; no one is listening. 

What this poem sounds like is a story of how our world goes. It's its birth, its self-destruction, its philosophical revelations, its finale.

When we began following Carpenter and Faulkner in the reeds of the White Gull River, we were consuming a commentary on capitalism. Now, it’s more. It’s a commentary, yes, but it’s not only that—it’s an exploration. The Silt Verses is a tragic exploration of our world as it connects to theirs, of how we’ve been driven so far and been corrupted so deeply that only radicalism makes a difference because only radicalism is what gets the notice and attention to spark moderate change. And that same radicalism is going to destroy the society we have left.

But it’s all the same in the end, because society's collapse was going to happen anyways. So at least someone had it in them to fight for something.

GAHHHH I LOVE THIS SHOW