#someone talk to me about that book I'm all alone on this boat

[jackhues]

how'd you make it? - mockingbird! au (platonic! hughes)

requested by: @toasttt11 , anon :)) - combined two bcz they fit rlly well

notes: continue sending in requests for the au! check out the request rules below! thanks for requesting <3 this ones got a focus on luke, but there's a cute quinn moment! ALSO, there's a cute surprise in this one, hope you guys like it (takes place in summer '24)

likes are good, reblogs are better <33

mockingbird! au request rules!|| mockingbird au! masterlist

gif not mine

"go back outside," you laughed, shoving jack's face away from yours.

you were at the hughes' lake house for the summer, spending most of your time wakesurfing, swimming, and hanging out on the boat. today was the one day you wanted to stay inside on the couch and finish the book you'd bought while the boys had the day to themselves.

of course, jack had other plans.

"i don't wanna," he groaned, plopping down on top of you.

"jack!" you laughed, trying to shove him off of you. finally, you gave up, putting your book to the side to let jack lay on top of you.

"why don't you wanna go outside?" you asked him softly.

"because i wanna spend time with you," he answered simply. "quinn went out with his girlfriend to that chinese place for lunch, and it's awkward being the only one with luke and his girlfriend. they're like... weird hormonal teenagers."

"oh, so it's because your brothers are gone that you're spending time with me," you rolled your eyes, laughing a bit.

"even without that, i'd still wanna be with you," he answered in a matter-of-fact voice. "it's why i'm gonna marry you."

"jack, stop making me blush," you hit his shoulder lightly.

"what," he laughed, pulling away. "there's a ring on your finger for a reason."

you smiled, admiring the way he looked at you with such adoration in his eyes. he acted like it was so simple. like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and that was that. in some case, you supposed it was simple.

before meeting jack, you wouldn't have been able to imagine something like that, let alone believe someone could love you that much. but he changed that.

and you loved him so much for it.

"you're thinking," he said, getting up off of you and helping you sit up. "is it good or bad?"

"it's good," you promised. "i'm just thinking about how much i love you."

he grinned stupidly at that answer, "well of course you do. with these killer looks, how could you not?"

"you're such an-"

"luke! luke, what's wrong?"

your laughter was cut off as luke marched angrily past you and up the stairs and towards his room. behind him, ellen followed.

"i don't wanna talk," luke called, causing ellen to stop.

you and jack got up from the couch, making your way to the base of the stairs by ellen.

"what's wrong?" you asked. "why'd he storm up to his room?"

"i have no idea," ellen sighed tiredly. "he just came inside looking all mad, and then ran up."

jack furrowed his brows, "i thought he was outside with his girlfriend."

"did something happen with them, maybe?" you asked.

"i don't know," ellen muttered. she looked up the stairs, where luke had headed. "i'm going to go check on him. you two don't worry about him, i'll make sure he's okay."

you and jack nodded, letting ellen check on luke.

"are we sure it's not something bad?" jack asked you. "what if he's really upset over something?"

"ellen went to check on him," you reminded him. "it's better not to overwhelm him right now. we can go check on him afterwards if you want."

jack nodded, agreeing. "yeah, you're right."

the two of you headed towards the kitchen to take out your lunch. you and jack took a seat on the table, across of jim.

"did you finish your book yet?" he asked you.

"i would've, but someone didn't let me," you sent jack a look.

he held his hands up, a guilty look on his face.

jim looked up as ellen made her way back down. "any luck with luke?"

"he's asking for y/n," she said, looking at you. "honey, could you go upstairs and see what's going on?"

"yeah, of course," you answered, a little shocked.

jack squeezed your hand as you walked by, heading up to luke's room. you knocked on the door, waiting for an answer.

"go away," he muttered from the other side.

"luke, it's me," you called. "ellen said you wanted to talk to me."

you heard some shuffling, before luke said softly, "you can come in."

you opened the door, finding luke sitting on the floor next to his bed. he sat against the wall, his knees folded up to his chest and his head down. he didn't even look up as you entered.

"hi lukey," you said softly, sitting next to him. "you okay?"

luke sniffed, looking up at you with red rimmed eyes. "not really."

"c'mere," you muttered, pulling his head into your lap.

luke lay his head down, allowing you to softly run your fingers through his curls. his tears slowly subsided, and you waited calmly as he built up the courage to talk.

"how'd you stay with jack?" he asked finally. "like, it's been five years, and you guys are getting married in a few months, and not once have you guys even thought about breaking up. how?"

you pursed your lips, pondering the question. truth was, it took a long time for you to be this open and accepting to jack's love. you'd never received that same love as a kid, and never imagined to receive it as an adult.

"it's not easy," you answered him finally. "we were young, eighteen year olds when we met. i never even had a boyfriend before him. and then jack was some famous nhl player, and everyone knew him, and everyone hated that i was with him. but... honestly, we grew up together. we matured together. we made mistakes, but we learned to communicate and understand each other. it takes a lot, but we managed somehow."

you ran a hand through luke's curls, "i'm gonna take a wild guess and say something happened with you and your girlfriend. am i right?"

luke nodded sadly. "she-- she cheated on me. and then, and then she just said it like it was nothing. and then she started talking bad about you and jack, about how you guys probably aren't even a real couple, and i just-- i got mad. i told her she can go and do whatever she wants because i'm done." he looked up at you, "did i make a mistake?"

"no, no, you didn't," you assured him. "cheating's a choice, one that she made. when i said jack and i didn't have it easy, that's not what i meant. i meant that we both had things to work on in the start of our relationship. he was dealing with a lot of stuff with his rookie year, and i was still learning what a healthy relationship looks like. we worked on our relationship together."

"thanks, y/n," he smiled, closing his eyes a little. "that helps."

"anytime lukey," you smiled. "anytime."

--

outside the door, quinn smiled to himself.

he was walking past the room after his date, hearing your and luke's conversation. he'd spent the last four years doing everything to show you that you were family, that you were part of the hughes.

he was happy to see that you were believing it.

---

tags: @woodruff-edwards , @austinbutlerscaresme , @svechnikovvv ,  @hockeyboysarehot , @jimothystu, @mysticaldonkey ,  @lam-ila ,  @babydollmarauders , @starjoyyy , @kjohnson-91  , @moldenhauers, @hischierdevils, @jackhughesily , @panarin10 , @equallyshaw , @power2myheart , @lynnismypseudonym , @beccaiscold , @akengii , @nowandkei , @cinnamonpancakes ,  @mitchymainer ,  @lifeofpriya , @marshmallow-babe, @hughesx3 , @emsully2002  ,  @starsandhughes , @huggy-hischier73 ,  @doglady5678 , @thatoneblog , @exonct07 @hughesmedicine , @qwanelledingele , @mindless-rock , @ireadthensuetheauthors , @huggy-hischier94, @slaythehousedownboots , @diary-of-jj , @fandom-oneshots-etc , @ajbird18 , @cherrysodadevils , @cixrosie , @iikximii , @xcicix , @wbkz3gras , @cole-mcward48 , @starjoyyy , @eagerkya , @idontlikelizards , @trevzeags11 , @al-lie-cat , @kjohnson-91 , @bitchy55 , @privatemythss

join my taglist!

[letsgetrowdy43]

The perfect summer—

The long awaited Sunny and Adam get back together fic!!

Au Masterlist!!

Sunny’s second semester had been a bit of a blur, her boyfriend-turned-ex started his professional hockey career, while she continued to navigate her way through adulthood.

Summer was all she wanted.

She made it through her brother's playoff runs, family wedding season, and finally, the Hughes siblings all found themselves in the same place at the same time for the first time in almost a year.

Lake Michigan was easily her favourite place to be, the boat days, the golfing, and even her summer job at the country club was something she looked forward to. The lake house was her happy place, and summer provided all of the right things to end her miserable school year.

Now all she needed was for Adam to finally call her to talk about everything.

★★★★

Luke stumbled onto the deck where Sunny was lounging, her latest read in her hands as she ran her fingers through the ends of her hair.

Brows furrowed in concentration as she was quickly pulled away from her book and looked up towards her brother who aggressively cleared his throat.

“Yes?” she looked at him with a big smile, sitting up slightly so he had room to sit on the end of her lounge chair. “I have a question, and feel free to say no,” he began rambling but abruptly ended as he watched her face grow annoyed, “I wanted to invite Luca and Adam here to train for a few weeks, I promise that he-” Sunny cut him off “Of course, Adam can come over, he's your friend, and we are all good,” she smiled as Luke let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

“You're the best sun, I'll make sure he's on his best behaviour,” he said as she smiled and nodded her head, his hand reaching up to mess up her bangs which gained him a smack to the chest with her book.

And there it was, the perfect situation for them to finally talk about it all, properly face to face since he ended it in his bed all the way in Columbus.

★★★★

It was anything but perfect.

It seemed to be that every boy in the house was destined to make sure Sunny and Adam were never in the same room alone. A whole week of supervised conversations and overbearing boys who imposed themselves in the middle of their almost moments.

The only time they seemed to have a conversation alone was his first night in the house when he found her down in the living room, curled up in a ball on the couch with her book in her hands.

“What are you still doing up?” she whispered, her eyes tired as she looked up from her book to the boy who was sipping on his glass of water. “Can't sleep, you?” “Rutger fell asleep in my bed, and I'm not sleeping on his air mattress in your and Luca’s room,” she slowly blinked, as Adam moved from the counter to the armchair.

“I can make him move back to our room,” he offered as she shook her head. “Leave him be, I'm okay on the couch, it wouldn't be my first time sleeping on it” she smiled, covering her mouth as she yawned and shut her book.

Adam watched as her gaze on him grew soft, “I feel like I've barely seen you since I got here,” he whispered. “I know, I've missed you.” “I've missed you too,” he watched as she smiled and pulled her blanket up to her chin. “Tomorrow, tomorrow I want to talk about all of this, I need to talk about it, it's eating me up,” she said as he nodded and stood up from the couch.

“Good night sunny.” “Good night Adam, love you,” she said in between yawns as he flicked off the lamp next to him and headed back upstairs, heart thumping in his chest as he crawled back into bed next to his brother.

It was safe to say Adam did not sleep well that night, short ‘love you’s’ filling his mind every time he closed his eyes

★★★★

Tomorrow turned into three days, no conversation was had between the two thanks to the boys not allowing them any sort of alone time.

“Is there a reason every time I speak to Adam someone miraculously shows up to make sure we have company?” she looks over to Quinn who is also just silently sitting on the edge of the doc. He lets out a short laugh and looks at his sister who is clearly not amused by this, “Jack just wanted to make sure that you Adam remained civil, I told him it was a bad idea.”

A groan left the girl's lips as she looked at her older brother, annoyance filling her expression as she laid back on the hot wood of the doc, “I miss him, and I think he feels the same way” “So what does that mean for the two of you?” “Well I haven't gotten to ask because our brother is an idiot,” she said through a clenched jaw.

She looked to Quinn who was holding in a laugh at her, her glare narrowing as he laid down beside her, "I'll keep the boys busy tonight so you two can sneak away," Quinn offered with a smile as Sunny's glare grew soft.

"Thank you Q," she sat up and grinned at him as he offered out his fist for her to bump. "No need to thank me, I like seeing you happy, Adam makes you happy, it's not like I'm sacrificing my life," he shrugged. "This is why you're the better Hughes brother," she watched as his smirk grew cocky. "Not hard to be the best when my competition is dumb and dumber."

★★★★

Quinn lived up to his promise, the boys returned from their golf outing and immediately were ushered into the game room for darts, pool, and beer after dinner.

Adam and Luca were in the kitchen getting more beer, laughter dying out as Sunny walked into the kitchen with a sweet smile on her face which prompted Luca to leave as quickly as possible, giving the two space to talk.

Sunny sat on the kitchen counter, adjacent to the boy who popped the bottle cap off of his beer with the ring on his finger, awkward silence filling the space between them as he took a swig and then offered her a sip. To which she crinkled her node and shook her head, "Still not a beer girl?" "You could never get me to drink that," she mused with a look of disgust resting on her face, "but I wouldn't mind a cider," she batted her lashes. "They taste almost the same?" She shook her head, as he placed the cold can of cider in her hands, remaining in between her legs, face to face as she placed the can on the counter next to her.

The laughter died in her throat when she realized how close they were, the smile on his face growing as her eyes flashed down to his lips.

"Maybe we should talk before you get any ideas about kissing me," he joked which was met with a slight push to his chest to make him back up. "Okay, you go first," she grinned as he leaned up against the counter. "This year was a shit show, but it was a lot better when you were in my life, not just because I needed someone to talk to but because I just missed listening to talk about your life or your little visits, and I fucked everything up by pushing you away," he answered honestly.

she nodded, "If I were to say that I wanted to get back together, would you want that? Or do you need more time to figure out what you want?" she asked, her eyes moving from his face to her hands as she picked at her nails. "I don't need time sunny, I never needed time, I just thought you needed an out," he whispered as she nodded and looked up at him.

"if we get back together I want some rules," she proposed, "I want better communication, and I want you not to make decisions like that for me, if I wanted an out or a break I would've told you," she watched as he nodded.

"Can I hug you?" he asked softly as she opened her arms, his face burned itself in her neck as her hands found the back of his head, fingers intertwining with his outgrown hair as he squeezed her torso, "I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you go." "You are," she whispered, "but I was never going anywhere Adam, you’re stuck with me," he pulled away and smiled at her, tears lining his eyes as he let out a laugh. "Good, I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Can I kiss you now?" she asked but was met with no answer as his cold hands cupped her face and his lips captured hers in a sweet kiss, slightly sloppy but very passionate, almost to make up for the lost time as her hands found the back of his neck.

his arms lowered from her face, one hand finding her hip, the other finding the counter to stabilize him, trapping her on the granite countertop as she smiled into his mouth.

He pulled away, swollen lips and shaky breaths, as his forehead leaned against hers, "I don't know how I lived without you for nearly six months," he whispered as she grinned and started to kiss along his jaw. "We have a lot of lost time to make up for," she whispered in his ear as he curtly nodded his head and picked her up off of the counter, laughter filling the kitchen as he made a beeline to the stairs, the opened beer and ciders forgot on the counter as they headed to her room.

-

-

-

[fandomworld9728]

I might have an au idea...

Lucifer is ruling hell solo because Lilith isn't around to rule with him(Either she's dead or she just straight up disappeared) and thanks to that situation Charlie isn't born(YET). One day he met up with a certain TV head upcoming overlord who just experienced a heartbreak from a certain demon ended up becoming quick friends with him but then A certain Radio Demon started to take notice on Lucifer and started have flash if visions from when he was alive when he's near the king and A certain Exorcist Leader started spying on the king for some unknown reasons and now the three have to settle this complicated situation themselves or else it would harm the king

(Oh wow... that is AMAZING! Excuse me while I write a quick sample piece based off of this-)

Vox:

Shit. Shit shit shit! Vox wasn't sure if he was lucky or being taunted at this point. What were the chances that his heart had been soothed just as quick as it had been broken? And by the King of Hell of all people?

How did the Overlord get himself into this mess you ask? Well, it was very simple. Vox had decided the best way to nurse heartache was to drown his sorrows in lots and lots of whiskey. So, he had allowed Val and Velvette to drag him to some upscale bar that the rich and famous of Hell came to get fucked up.

Honestly, he wasn't sure how they had managed to get in here. The Vees were powerful but fuck. They weren't even on the same level as most of the demons in that place. But he wasn't about to question it. He came there to get wasted not to think. That's how he found himself four drinks in and a beautiful blonde man next to him on the bar stools.

Vox knew he was out of this guy's league; however, he was just drunk and desperate enough to try his luck.

"What's a beautiful thing like you doing all alone?"

He realized his mistake all too soon. As soon as those words left his mouth and the demon turned to face him, it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on him.

"Y-Your Majesty! Apologies. I-I'm just-"

"Drunk and depressed? Me too."

While the TV Demon had been scared stiff and tried to stutter out an apology, Lucifer, the King of Hell, had just shrugged it off like it was nothing. And seemed able to read Vox like an open book.

Was it that obvious? Or was it because they were in a similar mood? If he was honest with himself, it was probably a bit of both. Well, he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not getting in trouble for shamelessly flirting with the King of Hell and getting to look at the gorgeous creature next to him. Vox was gonna enjoy every moment of it.

His drunk addled thought it would be fun to push his luck. That's how he found himself discussing how they both ended up depression drinking. It seemed like they were in the same boat in a way.

While Vox had been trying to dull the pain of rejection, Lucifer (he can't believe he gets to call Hell's King by his actual name!) was there to try and forget for a night about the Queen's passing. That had happened long before Vox had even appeared in Hell, so it was quite a surprise to say the least.

From there, the two ended up talking about their special interests instead. The Overlord ended up spilling on how much he loved technology, especially TVs, and sharks. While Lucifer wasn't a fan of TV in general, he wasn't opposed to watching it every now and then. However, his face lit up with excitement at the mention of sharks.

Come to find out, the fallen angel was a lover of all animals. Though, his favorite were birds. Specifically, ducks. Vox wasn't sure why ducks and he meant to ask. But he didn't wanna stop him when he was just so adorable gushing about the waterfowl. If he ever got the chance to talk to the smaller man again, he'd make sure to ask.

What happened next, Vox wasn't sure how it happened. One moment the two of them were sitting, drinking, and enjoying just talking. The next moment, they were back at The Vee Tower. On Vox's floor. Sitting on the ledge to the opening to his shark tank.

The way his sharks had warmed up so quickly to Lucifer, and how excited and affection he was made something warm bloom in Vox's chest. His night wasn't going as planned but this was better than whatever his plan had originally been.

He had lost track of time and before he knew it, he was waking up in his bed. With Lucifer getting ready for the day and turning to greet him with a smile and a soft good morning.

Had he... slept here? The spot next to the sinner was still warm so yes. The King of Hell had slept over. In his bed. Right next to him. Why? Why did he stay? When Vox finally got over his shocked and asked him, he was surprised and touched by the answer.

"You seemed... like you didn't want to be alone. Like, you needed someone to just exist next to you. I know that feeling all too well."

Lucifer had left hours ago, after being so kind as to summon up some coffee and painkillers for his hang over. Seriously, this guy was too kind for being the man who cursed all humanity. Vox had yet to get up.

He just laid there, replaying that night and morning in his head. He was completely and utterly fucked.

Alastor:

Things were touch and go since his almost defeat by Vox. Alastor had been hiding away in the shadows until he had enough strength to properly defend himself again. It seemed his patience was rewarded.

When he finally came from the shadows, still heavily injured and dying, an angel appeared in front of him. Literally. The first ever fallen angel stood before him.

"You look like shit."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed, sire."

Alastor knew it was a gamble speaking to the King of Hell like that, but he was never good at holding his tongue in situations like this. His temper was short, and he was already dying. The worst that could happen was the king speeding up the progress.

However, it seemed he was more amused then angered by the Overlord's sarcastic comment. Kneeling down in front of the sinner, the fallen angel discarded his jacket and pushed up the sleeves of his shirt.

Was he going to help him? What would someone as powerful as Lucifer Morningstar gain from saving a sinner like him? And how could Alastor even repay him for this? It would be a life debt and he hated being indebted to anyone.

The smaller man hadn't even touched him yet (not like Alastor was going to let him) and he already seemed concerned about his state. Biting into his own wrist, the king held out his arm to him, golden blood shimmering and running down his hand. Dripping onto the ground from his claws.

"Here."

This seemed.... familiar. Had this happened to him before? No. There's no way. Right...? However, Alastor could have sworn his reality had glitched for a moment or two.

For a brief moment, Alastor could swear that he was back in New Orleans. Sitting in a dirty alleyway he knew very well. A fuzzy image of someone crouched down in front of him with their arm outstretch to him.

"Hey. You need to drink this or else you'll die. Now isn't the time to zone out."

And drink from the king he did. Alastor would be a fool to let an opportunity like this slip by. After that, the sinner had been left all alone.

That blood had healed him right up and he was back to his old self in no time. Though he thought it wise to keep a low profile for the time being. Especially with being indebted to Lucifer Morningstar of all demons.

Alastor waited and waited for days, months, years for that debt to be collected. However, the devil never graced the deer demon with his presence. It left him feeling antsy.

How was he supposed to deal with this? It's not like he could just show up on the king's doorstep and demand for the fallen angel to let him prepay him for saving his life. Or could he?

That's how Alastor found himself watching the smaller demon. The more he watched him, the more fascinated (obsessed) he became.

Adam:

Adam didn't know when or he started doing this, but fuck, he couldn't stop. Sitting in his office alone, the first man was using his magic to spy on the man who made his living life a nightmare.

That little wife stealing motherfucker. If anyone asked, he just claimed it was for research purposes only. To help with the Exterminations. There were a couple of angels who didn't buy it, but it wasn't really an issue.

Lute, his partner in crime kept her comments to herself for the most part. Only speaking up if he spent too long watching the fallen angel or he let what he was viewing effect his mood and/or work.

Emily, the adorable Seraphim who reminded him way too much of pre-fall Lucifer, kept insisting that he care about the demon. Pfft! Please! As if! Then she had the crazy idea that Adam had a crush on Lucifer! Yeah right! There was no way!

And Sera. All she did was give him these looks and shake her head like she was disappointed in him. Judgmental bitch. Who cared what she thought anyways?

So what if Adam spent most of his free time watching over the loser? So what if seeing him all alone and sad stopped being funny and made the first man feel bad for the fallen angel?

Fuck. This could not be happening to him.

(Okay so I may have gone a little overboard with it XD )

[sunnyie-eve]

4. Looking After

Fandom: House of the Dragon

Series: Devious Opportunity

Pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x Cousin! OFC Targaryen!

Word Count: 1k

Notes: Daemon being overprotective

| MASTERLIST |

Once again another raven arrived to Dragonstone for Celeste from Aegon, it was driving Daemon insane how many would show up since the night in Driftmark.

"For the past four years I have had to burn letters from Aegon." Daemon groans throwing another into the fire, "Why can't the idiot stop? She's never going to write back to him."

"Because you won't let her see any of them Daemon. She doesn't even know about them." Rhaenyra tells him.

"And she never will."

"They were close Daemon growing up and we adults separated them because we can't get along. I never was close to my brother but I knew they cared for each other." She tells him and sees the look he was giving her.

"Where is she at the moment?" He walks around the room.

"Somewhere on the island. You know she likes to walk around and spend time alone reading without being interrupted." Rhaenyra gets up from where she was sitting walking over to him, "If you do not wish for her to isolate herself... Be the father that she didn't have growing up."

Just as Rhaenyra said Celeste was wonder around the island and she often did it quite a lot. As she was heading back passing the boats a man approached her.

"Lady Celeste?" He asks not sure if it was her or not.

"Yes?" She asks confused.

"For you." He passed her a letter, "From Prince Aegon." He tells her so she opens it and reads it quickly. She smiles as the man heads back towards the boats and gets in his leaving.

Once inside she tries her best not to smile but she couldn't contain it which had Jace questioning her when that pass each other. "Someone had a bit too fun reading alone. What's got you like that?"

"Nothing, I just really enjoyed my peace." She smiles leaving him and when she passes one of the fires she tosses the letter into so no one could see it.

Daemon over heads Jace telling Luke about how happy Celeste was coming back from her walk which made him worry about her getting one of the letters. "You're back." He busts into her room.

"I am."

He watches her smile as she does things around her room, "You are not allowed out on your own anymore." He tells her.

"What? What did I do? All I do is walk around and read. You never let me take Tanis around for a small ride. What's next I'm not allowed to leave my room?"

"I'm looking after you Celeste!" He shouts at her.

"A bit late isn't it! Why are you keeping me from talking to Aegon? He's done nothing wrong especially to me. He cares about and makes me happy. As my father you should be happy that your daughter is happy. But I'm not because you are pushing him away from me when he's going against Otto and Alicent." She shouts at him.

"He's going to want to take the throne."

"He doesn't even want it." She tells him, "He has always expressed to me how he doesn't want to ever be king."

Daemon looks at her before heading towards the door, "Until you understand you may not leave this room." He leaves her alone.

Celeste goes towards her door just to realize he locked her in her room, "FATHER!" She shouts at him.

Since she didn't have a choice, being stuck in her room, she read her book to pass the time. As it gets darker out she hears her door unlock and Rhaenyra opens the door giving her a smile entering the room.

"I have a few things to give you. Just make sure your father doesn't find them." She walks over handing her a few letters from Aegon that he sent to her as well in hopes they get to Celeste. "I meant to give them to you when each arrived but I was worried about your father finding out. So I have been setting them aside secretly."

Celeste looked over each one and it was Aegon just hoping she was okay and going well and that he missed having her around. "A man earlier today found me and gave me one. It was Aegon saying he hoped it got to me this time."

"I wish your father would realize he makes you happy at times. I know you two were very close before we left. I could even tell you brought out the best in him." Rhaenyra smiles heading back for the door, "Your father also went for a flight and I know you like your night walks." She adds before leaving.

With Daemon being out and about, Celeste takes the opportunity to go for her night walk around the island before he gets back catching her out of her room. Sitting along the beach up on one of the hills, Celeste looks up at the night sky taking in all the stars. She did this every night since she moved to Dragonstone and every morning she would wake up to see the sunrise as well. She just liked the little things. How the sky was beautiful, clouds during the day, just the sound of the sea.

Closing her eyes to focus on the sound of the sea, Celeste ends up hearing the wings of a dragon. For a split second she thought it was her father till she saw the dragon land on the beach. She watches a hooded figure get off and the dragon flies away a bit before finding another place near by on a hill to rest.

Getting up she walks down to the beach as the hooded person looks around walking slowly. Once they saw her they removed their hood, "Did you get my letter finally?" Aegon asks with a smile.

She can't help but smile running over to him and they embrace each other with a tight hug, "What are you doing here? If they realize you're gone and my father gets back." She says quickly.

"I do not care."

"Well my father might kill you." She looks around, "Follow me." She takes his hand taking him to the part of the island she always goes to that no one can ever seem to find her.

[base0h]

Hey slayer. I've been violently ill lately and thought it be best to turn my misery into your profit, so here's a request for you. May I request the asl trio with an s/o that one night got really really sick?? Like I'm talking throwing up in the toilet, body shaking, feeling like you're going yo die type of thing. Thanks, have a great day and I hope you drink water 👋

a/n - nooo! I’m sorry about that anon :( I hope you feel better soon :) sorry in advance but I somehow make things cracky when they’re supposed to be serious 💀

warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, vomit, comfort

- this guy hasn’t gotten sick once in his entire life, so he doesn’t know what the fuck to do when someone gets sick- (have you seen the way he tried to handle when nami got sick 😭)

- today, you already felt nauseous, sick to your stomach. The thought of eating made you want to throw yourself overboard-

- the rocking waves that shook the boat back and forth only contributed more- you weren’t even sure if this was your sickness, or sea sickness at this point

- maybe both?

- the toilet was your new bestie, the amount of times you threw up in there were countless

- chopper did his best with what meds he had- but nothing really eased the sickness. Your head just kept banging, dizzy from how many times you’ve thrown up

- your captain wasn’t sure what to do- he just kept frantically calling chopper over to see if you were ok.. He knew that maybe his funny antics weren’t going to help you right now

- “Sorry y/n… But I think this is just going to pass tomorrow, hang in there.” -chopper

- You were glad it wasn’t anything serious, but this was horrible

- Don’t you worry, Luffy stayed with you the entire night. He stole a bucket from Sanji for you to throw up in, and tried to tell you funny stories to lighten up your mood

- “Okok- ummmmm. Ok so there was this one time where grandpa kicked me down into a hole at night and-“ (Luffy was abused /with love)

- whenever you tried to sleep, he’d pat your head softly to lull you to sleep, and he tried his VERY hardest not to make any noise

- he ends up making noise but- it’s alright, you still love him (I hope)

- “Y/n! Don’t think about green! Like- don’t think about bushes and stuff! Think about uh… Meat! Wait- no. Uhm….“

- You were getting even more sick at the mention of the color green.. And meat? Luffy no.

- “NO I’M SORRY! DON’T THINK ABOUT MEAT! THINK ABOUT UH- THE SKY? THE GOING MERRY! SUNNY?”

- with him naming random stuff extremely loudly, it was able to distract you from all those gross thoughts, good save Luffy

- you made it through the night (traumatized) but alive. You were glad Luffy was there to stay with you, even though he’s not the best doctor in town lmao

- he loves you, and he’d do anything to make you feel alright :)

- he’s very experienced with almost every sickness, and he’s read about almost every kind of medical book he has in his library

- but nothing prepared him for taking care of the person he loved, because books don’t cover that :)

- you already asked Dragon if you could rest for today, and that alone made sabo so worried. You never had to miss a mission.. This must’ve been really bad

- as soon as the ship docked, sabo sprinted, and I mean SPED towards the headquarters

- my man literally knocked poor koala over on the way 😭

- when he burst through the door like a mad man, he grimaced when he saw how bad you looked

- you were still sitting by the toilet, your face turning green in close intervals

- “Oh hey sabo- how was the m-“ *throws up*

- “Y/N?! ARE YOU OK?!”

- He’s about to faint, but he managed to drag the doctor out from his office, and haul ass back to you for him to check you out

- sabo never knew he could be so tense and anxious, he found out today that he suffered from major anxiety whenever something bad happened to you 😭

- The doctor explained that it was simply a really bad stomach flu, and it would go away by either tomorrow or the next few days

- sabo was glad it wasn’t anything serious! But still, he was worried about you, I mean… You weren’t looking great-

- He tried his best, but whenever you threw up, he felt sick as well- so he comforted you while closing his eyes and covering his ears (he’s trying)

- at one point he had to run off because he threw up too 💀 probably from both feeling horrible because you were going through this. And also, he’s scared of vomit unfortunately

- just because he’s scared doesn’t mean he’s not going to stay with you 24/7! He’s sitting with you, giving you whatever you ask and need

- he tries to talk about anything except vomit and the color green lmao- but he somehow finds a way to get back to it??

- “Yeah on the mission today- we were freeing some of our comrades and one of them- his name’s Steve. He was wearing this AWFUL green shirt and I swear-!” *throws up*

- “I’M SORRY- FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID PLEASE.”

- this poor man is dying, but trying 👍

- like Luffy, this guy has never been sick. EVER

- but he’s an expert at sensing whether or not you’re feeling ok- it’s kinda creepy

- it’s like he knows if a sneeze is coming, and he says bless you early 0-0

- this time, he didn’t catch it since he was off the ship, kicking marine ass on an island

- when he got back, you were- let’s just say.. You’ve been better.

- Whitebeard was worried, and Marco took a look at you right away. No one was as worried as Ace though, this poor guy was on fire, quite literally

- he kept accidentally setting things on fire around him from how worried he was!

- “Ace, don’t panic. Stay calm.” -Whitebeard

- “I AM CALM.”

- no he is not calm at all

- Marco told you that this would just have to pass normally, and he could only give you some anti-nausea meds

- when ace could finally go into your room, he was asking every single question known to man

- “Baby are you ok? You need water? Hugs? Food? A bucket? Meds? Blanket? Marco to turn into a fluffy bird and for you to hold him in your hand?”

- “…what?”

- let’s just say if you need something, he’s on it

- whenever you throw up, he’s like- cheering you on?

- “Great job! Get all that nasty stuff out! You got this!”

- I mean. It helped I guess 💀

- he’ll give you cuddles, hugs, anything to help you fall asleep and get through the night

- you finally fell asleep on him after a couple hours

- but this poor dude needed to pee so bad at around 3am. But the thought of waking you up, only for you to start throwing up again made him so sad..

- he didn’t want you to have to go through it again if you didn’t have to!

- so he sucked it up, and held it until you woke up at 7

- “Oh hey ace.. I feel a lot better now, thanks for staying.”

- “Oh my gosh that’s great! But give me like- 10 seconds I have to pee so fucking bad-!”

- my man SPED to the bathroom, leaving a literal trail of fire 💀💀💀

- he was in there for a while 😭

a/n - ace is so sweet 🥹

[goodluckclove]

On the Autonomy of Character (Or: How I Fucked Up and am Now Fucked)

Hi! It's me. It's Clove Gardener, the writer who was diagnosed as schizoaffective at age 12 but 15 years later was informed that they would've likely been entirely neurodivergent if not for the severe C-PTSD that those doctors in their childhood missed at the time. Oops. Turns out I just have a big imagination, and that's going to come across strong in what I have to talk about today.

I'm a big proponent of character autonomy in writing - always have been, always will be. I don't outline more than a loose conception of what I'd like to happen, but as I say that I know there's a chance that i might not. Because what I hold highest in my work is my sense of character, which often results in my characters being the ones that get to control what actually happens.

I hear a lot of writers allude to this in posts on here, but they don't go into detail. I'm going to try and explain what that means to me in an attempt to make the process make more sense to writers who prefer a bit more control and structure.

(edit: this is a ramble be warned)

For the most part it's not too obtrusive. I'll use my novel Blind Trust (E-Book available now, paperback hopefully coming out next week) as an example. There's a point in writing it that Edgar, our befuddled initial narrator, learned some information that would really come as as a shock to his love interest Scott.

Well, okay, I mused as I wrote it, he would want this to be a secret. I'll have to navigate that.

Counter to that thought, Edgar ended up telling Scott immediately. Literally, as soon as the two of them were alone. Because by then, even though I knew it would make more thematic sense, I had enough of a grasp on Edgar's character to know that he would not be able to keep this to himself.

That's usually what it looks like. Small ripples that change the current, but ultimately keep the boat riding easily. Then, a solid 100k into the sequel Migration Patterns (Also I just realized I hit 100k yay me), my cast made the biggest executive decision of the story so far.

Let me explain. Where I'm at right now, Katy Delaney and her brother are in Nebraska, and they have to drive a few states over to Oregon. The problem is that Katy is currently having her brother's house patrolled constantly by guards from Stillrush Outreach Center, the closest witch town. This includes three birthrights, one of which being Fern, a deaf ex-Navy Seal.

So that was my problem. These guards are tasked specifically to keep Katy safe, meaning they aren't going to want her to fuck off for no good reason. She needed to escape, right? That's what I thought. That's what Katy and her brother thought too. So after some brainstorming with my wife I ended up devising a ploy for them to fake a fire that would allow them to escape in the following chaos.

Here's the thing, though - and this really centers on the fact that Fern is causing me a lot more trouble than I expected for a character that was meant to be a one-off escort. The plan was to make enough smoke in a trash can fire to trigger the alarm and call a truck - but of course the guards would see it too.

Two Academic witches don't pose too much of an inconvenience - they're rule followers, they know to wait for authority. Even the two less-experienced birthrights would wait for orders before trying anything. Fern, though. Jesus Christ. Fern had years of training and an immense knight's complex, so before the firetruck even had a chance to get there they burst through the front window in case she needed to be rescued.

I didn't plan for this, but it made sense. Birthrights aren't typically bad people - they aren't all perfect, but birthright magic is typically used in the name of either social services or community good. So if someone needs help, a birthright helps - it's just a part of the culture. It definitely clashed with my plans to have Katy escape and get on the road.

And it also immediately made Katy feel like a total asshole, because of course it did. She typically gets itchy and uncomfortable around shows of heroism and goodness, even though at her core he is very much a good person. So now Clove, the writer wants Katy to book it and go on a fun road trip with her brother. But Katy Delaney sees someone who got hurt trying to save her from a danger that she made up, and she immediately thinks "well fuck, now i have to help".

So she helps Fern out of the house, and once they get themselves patched up and Katy meekly explains the weird prank and the situation it was trying to solve (Trying to keep the spoilers at a minimum), Fern is silent for a long time. Then they make a very simple conclusion.

I'm coming with you, they say.

Now Clove, the writer, the one who brought these people into existence, is like "NO. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS. I HAVE TO WRITE TWO MORE BOOKS AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO BE IN THEM, FERN. WHERE DO YOU GO NOW? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO OREGON?"

But Katy feels guilty. Katy feels tired. Katy's very disorientated by how much she's suddenly feeling.

"I DO NOT THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT IN BLUEROSE, FERN," Clove, the writer, tries to insist. "I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE IN BLUEROSE WILL LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT, FERN."

But Fern feels obligated to Katy. Maybe she reminds them of someone they used to know. Someone that they failed in the past and refuse to fail again.

"I DID NOT PLAN FOR GUN-TOUTING WITCHES TO BE THIS BIG A PLOT ELEMENT IN MY COMFORT-CORE ASEXUAL FANTASY SERIES, FERN," Clove wails inside their head.

It's too late, though. Clove is weaker than Fern and as much of a bleeding-heart as Katy insists she isn't. Katy agrees, and now I have two and a half books that now must at least make reference to an ex-military witch who's quick with a gun and canonically loves ska.

I don't have an inspirational ending for this. I truly don't. I'm gonna do it, because I know it's what the characters would do, and shoving them in a mold that does not fit just to appease my false sense of ego would turn storytelling into masturbation.

So yeah, guys. Fern is here. They don't have a first or a last name or any real appearance other than tall and I think tattooed, but fuck it. Fuck it. Whatever, guys. You win.

[gemini-magic17]

Entanglement Chapter Two

"The Princess's name is Kit and she is a remarkable young woman Y/n", my mother said.

"Is that why you want me to marry her or is it to the benefit of Father and you", I said.

"This would be to the benefit of our kingdom and theirs. Your marriage to Kit Tanthalos will provide unity and prosperity. I know you have reservations about this but I felt the same way about your father when I found out I was going to marry him. Now look at us we are happy and I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else", she smiles.

"Well I am happy for you mother but you don't know that I will have the same thing as father and you or something even remotely close with Kit."

"How do you know if you don't give it a try Y/n? All I want is for you to be happy and loved. That's all I have ever wanted for you", my mother says sincerely.

"I know and I will try my best to do my duty," I smiled at her.

"Thank you for at least agreeing to try this. I'm so proud of you and the woman you have become. I will see you first thing in the morning, we leave at noon."

We wish each other good night and she makes her way to her rooms. Preparing for bed I still can't get that prophecy out of my head or better yet than dragons even existed. I mean hearing stories of them is one thing but knowing that they were real once upon a time is crazy. I just feel like there has to be more to this and need to find out what it all means.

Blowing out the candles and settling into bed sleep came easy to Y/n that night even though she was still plagued by the events that happened earlier that day.

** The Next Day

After loading everything aboard the ship we set sail to Tir Asleen. Seeing as it would be around five days before we get there I grabbed the books from the library that I had yesterday. Not having much to do and still worried about my betrothal I focused on the ancient text. Flipping through the book to see if I could find more about it there was nothing else written. Being frustrated I went up to the dock only to find my brother and father arguing over something trivial.

"What are you two fighting about now", I asked.

"Our dear father thinks it is a good idea for me not to challenge any of the people in Tir Aisleen when I am training", James says outraged.

"Father, why would you ask that of him? You know how he is with it comes to his training."

"As your father, it is my responsibility to make sure that you do not do something that will get you in trouble or someone else killed", my father exclaimed.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!? ARE YOU AFRAID I AM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE"?

"YES! Son, you train as if it is life or death and not training. I mean do you not remember what you did to your sister."

"That was an accident it was not intentional", I said to James defense.

"It does not matter you were seriously hurt that day and I will not risk the chance of your brother repeating history. From the time we are in Tir Asleen you will only train with those with Ser Easton or our guards. Do you understand"?

"Yes Father I understand completely", James said furiously.

Stomping away James made his way to the compartments and my father went to talk with the captain. I walk toward the front of the boat staring ahead at what seems to be like an endless vast of water. So many things racing through my mind I can't seem to think straight. Until I settled on whether or not the marriage to the princess and I would be at least somewhat pleasant. I would be leaving home and spending my life somewhere that would be completely new. Having no comforts of home, no family, and friends I would be alone. At the thought of this, a few stray tears fall from my eyes without me realizing. Hearing someone approaching I wipe my tears and turn around.

"Oh! Hello, Ser Easton how are you today"?

"I am well princess. I would ask how you are but it seems not to well as it looks like you have been crying", he says with concern in his voice.

"I am scared of what will become of this situation and me. What happens if Kit does not like me? After all, I can be a handful according to my mother."

"Might I remind you your mother did not say you were a handful she said that you are a fiery, intellectual, and courageous young woman. If Kit Tanthalos cannot see that then she is not someone who you need in your life."

"Well, it is not like I have a choice in the matter. I told my mother I would try though. I just hope that the relationship that Kit and I will have might be happy", I smiled with some optimism showing.

"I'm sure you two will have a happy union."

**Across the sea in Tir Asleen

Deep in the woods Jade and I were training and as usual, I was winning her. With the clash of my sword, I deflected her attack and knocked her on her back. With her on the ground, I climbed on top of her and we both began laughing.

"Aren't you tired of me knocking you on your ass Jade? It has got to be getting old at this point", I laugh.

"You never know I could just be letting you win to boost your ego", Jade says sarcastically and laughs.

"Yeah keep telling yourself that."

Looking into her eyes I slowly lean in and that is when my lips met hers.

It must have been a while since we first started to kiss because I started to feel like I couldn't breathe. I pull away to catch my breath and before I know it the words just came out.

"I love you", I said.

"I love you too Kit. Always have always will."

Once we had finished we made our way back to the castle. The whole time I couldn't stop smiling at her as well as what she had said to me. Making our way into the castle Airk came up to me.

"What do you want Airk", I said.

"I just thought you would like to know mom wants to see you", he said.

"Why? What does she want"?

"I don't know she didn't tell me. All I know is that she is in your bedroom and said it was of great importance."

"Oh great another thing for me to deal with", I groaned.

" Do you want me to come with you Kit", Jade asked.

"No, I'll be fine. Plus I get the feeling this has to do with something that is just between me and her. I see you later", giving her a smile and heading off.

Arriving at my door stop before going trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever she has to say. Opening the doors she is standing in the middle of the room with her arms folded.

"There you are Kit I have been looking for you all day. Then I figured you were probably off training somewhere", my mom said.

"Yes, I was. What is it you wanted to talk about."

"Alright, I will just cut to the point then. I have made a betrothal between you and Princess Y/n Ravaryn of Zemira", she said.

"WHAT!!!!"

[rise-my-angel]

I am here for your takes on Dani. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought her x Jon smelled of hot garbage. Like at best she was meh, and then when the two of them met I was just like "oh no....you're an entitled bitch". And now that its been years since I last consumed GoT, my thoughts have fermented into "oh no, she really is a conqueror" "oh no, everyone loves her because 'pretty badass lady'" "oh no i'm the fandom minority again". Anyway, where was I. She and Jon had no chemistry. The end.

The *only* way putting them in a romance even makes sense in concept is when you realize Benioff and Weiss gave Jon the Young Griff arc. It's why they gave him a Targ name, beacuse if they call him "aegon" then they can fufill that part of the books without ever having to establish Young Griff as his own character. He is the supposed son of Rhaegar Targaryean and Elia Martell, he goes to Westeros with intentions of using his better claim to take the throne and intends initially on marrying Dany, and it's theorized heavily that Dany will see his claim as a threat and the Burning of Kings Landing will come down to Aegon against Dany.

Jon Snow has nothing to do with that. He is a moral opposite to Dany as a charecter, and we've seen him time and time again be at strong odds against people with her morals. But by giving him the Young Griff arc, it means putting him into the romance spot when it makes no sense for him.

Hey I put a read more beacuse I cannot shut the fuck up about how this relationship is just rape and abuse but beacuse Jon's a man we think he wants it.

All of season 7 Jon is so out of place because he doesn't belong anywhere near Dany's Iron Throne plot, and he's being forced to interact romantically with a charecter that clearly he does not like as a person and is uncomfortable with.

But, Dany is the sacred cow of the GoT/asoiaf fandom. You love her and if you critizize her for villanious actions or morals then you are using bad faith towards her. While I personally don't like her, I don't mind other people liking her but I despise that her stans all refuse to allow any conversation about her being a morally bad person. A person who enjoys cruelty and death, enjoys creating fear and is smug when she can control others. That is not a person Jon would love, let alone even respect.

Their entire relationship wreaks of abuse, of Jon being forced into this and knows he cannot leave it without risking his and his families lives. Remember when Tyrion gave a very small level critisism of her actions and she angrily accused him of treason and siding with his family instead of her? Well what do people think would she have done, if her attraction to Jon was refused? Someone who she took all the defenses away from, all the power from, and could have killed at any moment (dont make an ygritte comparison mimi dont make an yrgitte comparison this is a different anti jon x fandom female fave charecter post).

I don't care how the show frames it, or what the intent was. What we got on screen, was Jon Snow being held prisoner to an immoral, cruel, military conquerer. And when that woman was attracted to him, she essentially forced herself into his life and gave him all but no choice. The Jon bending the knee scene and..the uh...boat...scene...later...uhhh....anyways, those to me feel so out of charecter. You cannot convince me Jon did any of this willingly. He is clearly trapped in this situation and cannot leave and is only with her beacuse she is violent and bloodthrirsty. But beacause Jon is a strong, capable man, it's not talked about as if he's the victim and that is insane to me. (Oh my good god the ygritte comparisons are almost laughable send help).

I don't consider a lot past season 5 to be canon, but if I am forced too, then I refuse to accept Jon was a willing participant in that relationship.

Jon's parentage reveal will always be about the revelations of his mother, and the understanding and acceptance of WHY Ned raised him the way he did. And how it was both his parents, his mother and his adopted father who loved him and kept him safe. The very fact that Young Griff's entire story is based around whether or not he truly is Rhaegar's son as opposed to that being a twist reveal is beacuse HE is the charecter whose Targaryean links is the important one. Jon's story is about him as Stark, and is always shown to be the moral opposite of Dany.

Their relationship in the best senario is not canon, but if it has to be, then there is no world in which Jon is there of his own free will. He is being forced into this relationship against his will. But considering his other love interest was another charecter who essentially forced him into a relationship against his will, and we were supposed to root for that tells me all I need to know.

Dany is a sacred cow charecter, and her stans are unreasonable in defending her. When you can like a charecter and critize them for their actions. Ned Stark was an idiot for ever trusting Petyr Baelish, Catelyn Stark's spiteful attitude and neglect of Jon Snow is was abusive behavior, Theon Greyjoy was a moron who ruined his own life for a father who long since abandonded him. Bam all charecters I love and there are some major flaws that I refuse to defend them for but thats also what makes them good charecters. Their flaws arent writing flaws, they are personal flaws for them as people.

Dany is not allowed to have personal flaws she is always to be justified even with incredibly bad faith defenses, but when she is flawed it's the writings fault not hers. Dany is a cruel, sadistic, controlling, military tyrant who enjoys watching her subjects fear her and her dragons. And she forced Jon Snow into a relationship with her beacuse otherwise then he is against her and we already knew she has no use for people who dont support her to be alive.

Jon Snow deserved better then to have both his love interests be domineering, controlling, abusive women who forced him into a romantic and sexual relationship.

Also, I mean, incest being normal is only a learned trait from Targaryens supporting their own blood purity. Jon was not raised to think incest is normal. Dany thinks its normal beacuse she and Viserys both were raised to think that, and Young Griff thinks marrying Dany is normal beacuse he too was raised with the mentality that Rhaegar would've been raised with. Jon finding out Dany was his aunt would've had Jon looking right at Sam and just

[msnihilist]

ahh pleaseee share that essay about bevin and gwevin with us 🥲we won't be bored we love those kind of things we would love to read it !

This is mostly just going to be me vomiting up various thoughts, but here we go.

Ben and Gwen, I think, represent Kevin's past and future, respectively. Through UAF, Ben is consistently the one who calls Kevin out on his bullshit — most notably in "In Charm's Way," when Ben and Kevin talk on the beach at the end of the episode...

KEVIN: Where's Gwen?

BEN: Went home. You hurt her pretty bad.

KEVIN: I hurt her? I'm the one who looks like this, and she hasn't done a thing about it.

BEN: You are a giant, rock-faced jerk!

KEVIN: Yeah, whatever.

BEN: Not "whatever." She's spending every spare moment going through every magic book she can find to try and help you. She's been doing it since the accident.

KEVIN: She... She never told me.

BEN: Should she have had to?

...and again when (past) Ben snaps at Ultimate Kevin in "The Forge of Creation."

ULTIMATE KEVIN: I deserve that power. I'm the one who gets turned into a monster. I'm the one nobody ever trusts or cares about!

GWEN: That's not true!

ULTIMATE KEVIN: Face it, Gwen... Whatever I look like, I'm a freak!

YOUNG BEN: You're a jerk. You've always been a jerk. People try to be nice to you, but you can't ever see it. You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself.

Ben is consistently the only character to hold Kevin accountable like this. (Granted, Kevin doesn't have a wide circle of friends, but still.) Gwen and Kevin don't fight much (when they do, Gwen usually leaves the situation), and she tends to be the softer voice, encouraging Kevin and reassuring him. ("You know I don't care what you look like," etc.)

Ben has been calling Kevin out since they were kids, since the day that they met — quickly clocking Kevin as a bad person and saying as much. He continues to do this through the OG, like in "Grudge Match."

MUTATED KEVIN: It's payback time, for turning me into a freak!

BEN (as Diamondhead): You were always a freak, Kevin. It's just now the ugly's also on the outside.

And, later...

MUTATED KEVIN: This is all your fault!

BEN: How can this be my fault?

MUTATED KEVIN: I don't know... It just is!

In this episode, Kevin blames Ben for them getting stuck in the ship. He blames Ben for his mutation. He attacks Ben for going against him even though Ben literally saved both of their lives not a minute before.

Kevin isn't in his right mind, sure, but he continues to display this trait in UAF: refusing to accept accountability.

Nothing is ever his fault — it's always someone else's. Kevin is emotionally immature and he struggles with self-hatred. He lashes out and blames others because if he didn't, he would have to look inside of himself and recognize that maybe something is wrong with him.

And that's a hard thing to do. It's hard for most adults, let alone a child who's struggling with powers he doesn't understand — powers that alter his mental state.

If Kevin is a boat being tossed around in a wild ocean, then Ben is like an anchor. He forces Kevin to look inward and to reflect on his behavior.

... Which is where Gwen comes in.

(Admittedly, I have less to analyze here, since Gwen and Kevin are rather straightforward, comparatively.)

Without Ben around, Gwen and Kevin's relationship would not work. Gwen is reactionary. She was as a child, and she still is as a teenager. Her first instinct when she and Kevin argue isn't to problem-solve, it's to get defensive. Their relationship wouldn't go anywhere with both of their attitudes like that.

Ben gets Gwen away to destress and take her mind off of Kevin. Ben is honest with Kevin in a way that Gwen can't (or won't) be.

He's not a third wheel. He's their counterweight. Their balance.

What does this have to do with past/future?

Well, Kevin spells it out in "Perplexahedron."

KEVIN: I like the Kevin that Gwen sees when she looks at me. And I like that you gave me another chance, even after I messed up all those other ones. I guess I'm saying I owe you guys for changing my life.

He refers to "the Kevin that Gwen sees" — someone he could be. And he thanks Ben for giving him another chance, referencing his past mistakes.

Ben helps Kevin look back and learn from his mistakes. Gwen gives Kevin something to look forward to, and a goal to strive towards.

Gwen and Kevin wouldn't work without Ben, but Ben and Kevin would be shaky without Gwen, too. Gwen is motivation. She's an incentive. She's the light at the end of the tunnel.

Without her, I think Kevin would have a hard time knowing what, exactly, he's trying to work towards. He would have a harder time opening up to Ben.

Ben is the medicine, and Gwen is the spoonful of sugar.

Kevin needs both of them to be the person he's always wanted to be. And they need him, too.

After all, 'Ben and Gwen' by themselves don't look nearly as cool <3

[depizan]

I'm also not sure why I periodically watch YouTube about fiction (other than OSP. OSP is great). I generally go away with the impression that either I am very weird or other people are very weird.

It is a good reminder of why I write fanfic and will never return to the world of trying to get published. What I like and what You Are Supposed To Write are so far removed that they're frequently opposites.

In this case, the dude I was watching was talking about creating tension in a scene and audience engagement and absolutely everything he suggested was something that would turn me off/make me less engaged/make me put down the book.

I'm trying to figure out how to even describe it without giving away the YouTube video.... Eh, I guess it doesn't matter. If someone's seen it and recognizes it from my description there's no real harm.

So the guy talks about how there's this equation he's been working on for conflict and audience engagement--which isn't a bad idea, nor are the parts he includes like "character connection" and "chance of success" and such.

But then he applies it to a hypothetical scenes and everything that's supposed to be making this better is just eugh. He suggests a scene in a prison where there are people going to be executed, but the character the scene is about is, instead of being afraid, is all snarky and bantering with the guards.

Ah, I think, a generic protagonist. Oh joy.

And, he continues, then we find out that this character is there to free another prisoner and was captured on purpose in order to get to the prisoner.

Good thing we haven't seen that fifty zillion times.

Finally, he suggests that the prison being on a boat and guarded by monsters who can fly and swim far faster than humans.

Yeah, I'm putting this theoretical book back on the shelf.

NONE OF THAT IS ENGAGING.

It is the opposite of engaging. It is like fifty million books I've read the first couple pages of and put back on the library shelf. Could it be good. Could an author do something with it that wouldn't make me roll my eyes and drop the book? Yes. Of course that's possible.

But engagement isn't that simple. You can't write something that will engage everyone. And there isn't one audience for every book/movie/TV show out there.

Here's my version of the guy's theoretical scene. You have a character in a prison. Drop the execution thing, that's already making the stakes too high to have value. Instead, we let the audience know right away that the character is there for a reason. They weren't just arrested for a crime, they committed a crime to be tossed in there.

We have a hook for engagement. Something is afoot. Will that draw everyone in? No, nothing will do that. Do I think it will draw in more people than Generic Protagonist will? I'd like to say yes, but judging from what gets published, possibly not.

For my engagement, the character doubting their plan now that they're in it is going to work better. Is that just a different kind of Generic Protagonist. Perhaps. But at least it's not one that makes me sprain my eyeballs because I rolled them so hard.

Forget making the prison ridiculous. Stick to character stuff. They make contact with the person they're in to rescue. And the person doesn't want to escape. They have a different plan. Or too much faith in the system. Or some other reason to remain in the prison.

Now we have an actually interesting conflict and a situation that could end either with the character having to break out alone and do something else to help the character in prison or with them talking the person their trying to rescue into going along with the plan.

And that is a book I would continue reading.

Even if that's also been done fifty zillion times. But at least it could have personality! And character interactions!

But I'm not a published fantasy author with writing workshops, so what do I know.

Edit: I should've finished the video. Apparently his (boring) hypothetical is actually how he starts one of his published books. Oops, sorry, dude. I guess I won't be reading anything you write.

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY VARRIC TETHRAS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age: inquisition

who designs a place that takes this many keys to get inside?

look at all the shit that's happened to you.

this shit is ruining my boots.

you've got to be kidding me.

i really am in the ass-end of nowhere now.

i'll take your word for it.

have we reached the stage where we gossip about each other's love lives?

we'll talk later.

nothing's stopping us from going back up.

one of those things would be impossible. all of them together? that's a miracle.

there was nothing simple about it.

you think we could take a couple of these books back with us?

my guess is another earthquake... that hits when we're halfway across the bridge.

i've had to write some letters.

no tantalizing secrets to divulge?

considering the company, i'm surprised it didn't feel longer.

does anybody else smell that? seriously? just me?

we're done here, right?

just take care of yourself.

i tried to warn you.

so it was just you, alone in the vast wilderness?

so we're getting the band back together? that's exciting.

let's try not to poke around someone else's grave, all right?

that had to hurt!

are you blushing?

let's not talk about it.

something about this place gives me the creeps.

i have no idea why places like this exist.

are we sure this is a good idea?

just because two people dislike each other doesn't mean they're about to kiss.

let's talk about your dark and troubled past.

i can almost promise you trouble when you arrive.

great place to get crapped on by a bird.

sounds like you two would have made a happy couple.

well, that screams "up to no good."

that's the seventh root i've tripped over in the last ten minutes.

i'm providing a service.

back me up!

how about dalliances? liaisons? illicit affairs?

you don't want to talk about yourself. i can respect that. so what do we talk about, then?

i'd also like to avoid falling.

i could help, you know.

i make up for it elsewhere.

are you going to blame me for that, too?

well, no one would peg you as a spy.

what? no! why would you even ask that?

let's try not to get eaten, shall we?

good spot for it. i wouldn't look here for anything.

my money's on this being a trap.

i'll keep that in mind.

maybe the locals will lend us a boat.

some things never change.

too attached to hitting things with your fists?

well, you've got to give me something.

personally i think it's some kind of compensation thing.

anybody else vote that we never come here again?

all this fresh air is making me lightheaded.

you remind me of someone.

are you all right?

i got to ask, does any of this shit make sense to you?

i'm not sure what that even means.

of course i'm concerned! i don't need you prodding me with a stick to prove it.

i hate caves.

thank you for not torturing me. i'm so much happier now.

we'll have to find another way.

how do you like being described?

poor bastards.

be still my heart. i've grown on you.

whatever it does, it's probably ancient and invaluable.

so what do we expect to find here?

you're asking me?

i'm hoping if i ignore it, it'll go away.

there's a lot of work to do.

just what we needed.

i didn't specify whose ass, did i?

you want to get shit done, right?

have you been reading the inscriptions?

it's just... all that niceness.

the only thing they seem to have in common is a tendency to burn things.

so there's a rational explanation after all.

well... that's gruesome.

where's the sneaking? the plotting? the subtle machinations?

most people are like cats. they either puff up to look dangerous or they crouch down and hope you don't see them.

it generally helps to respect local traditions now and then.

i've heard some people actually enjoy walking in the wilderness.

anyone know the name of this river?

someone remembered to bring water, right?

it's... hard to explain.

if they're busy staring at your hat, they're ignoring all your other flaws.

beg your pardon? i didn't catch that.

hm... i don't want to bore people.

how could you possibly be a spy?

ooh, that's a tough one.

look, i have to complain, or you'll forget i'm even here and trip over me!

how are you holding up? you've been quiet for a while.

i don't know what you're complaining about. you're taller than i am.

if you love a character, you give them pain, ruin their lives, make them suffer. maybe even throw in a heroic death.

you doing all right? i heard you breathing a little hard after the last fight.

no, no... that was good.

i will try my best not to do the impossible.

no argument there.

you seem the type.

you think i get any fun hanging out with them?

well, what you do doesn't make sense.

it seems like you're not having the effect you could.

keep acting like a big shot and hope it sticks.

[turnupswritessometimes]

Butterflies - Ch7 - Lies of P/Alice Madness

Relationship: P/Alice Liddell

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53898544/chapters/137944243

Next | Previous | First

Summary: “But why go looking for other realities, when there’s no guarantee you’ll pass through to them?” “Because it’s an experiment, and I jolly well won’t learn anything more about all this unless I try,” Alice replied.

Having figured out how to slip in and out of Wonderland entirely, Alice Liddell sets off on a journey to find more realities around her own. When she follows a blue butterfly to Hotel Krat, she meets P. The more time they spend together, the more they feel as though there’s someone else out there, just like them.

Chapter Seven: In Which Alice and P both Recieve Troubling News

Alice had thought about kissing P.

The thought hadn't been as shocking as she'd thought. It wasn’t the lightning strike Lizzie's books described. It felt natural. A natural pull towards this boy who wasn't scared of her, even when she killed monsters without remorse. Instead, he'd looked at her like she was a star. And then fought for her, too. P had faced her, his mechanical arm splattered with blood. His expression had gone from focused; defensive, to apprehensive. As if he truly believed Alice would ever be frightened.

Maybe that was why she wanted to kiss him. To decidedly prove her point.

Still, P decided to go into the Grand Exhibition building alone.

"I'd rather the head alchemist didn't know how many allies I have," P explained. They'd fought their way here, through more monsters, and we both now splattered entirely in blood.

"And if you need help?" Alice asked.

P stepped closer to her, and, very gently, brushed his thumb across her cheekbone. There must have been blood there, she realised. She didn't care as much about looking like a mess in front of him, anymore. He treated her like a lady, no matter what.

"If I'm not back in two hours, then come find me."

Two hours seemed like a lifetime. But P had come this far without Alice. She had to trust him now. So, she nodded.

P nodded back. His blue eyes look over her, and her heart pounded all over again when he leant forward.

He kissed her cheek. Just for a moment. It sent a wash of warmth through her, and her arguments fell away.

She watched P head into the great building, and felt her heart pounding. He left, no doubt for a much harder battle, whilst she perched on a wall and waited.

She wondered about what happened to the boat, and Captain Nemo. Hopefully they'd made it through the storm. No ships had arrived at Krat's port, so they must have stayed in their own reality. Or slipped to another. Peter often talked about pirate ships. Perhaps he'd been able to safely bring the ship through the Neverland. Was he worried about her? Did he think she was dead, or had he guessed she was elsewhere?

It was a strange thing, Alice thought, to have a friend who could be worrying about you. That was new.

As were these growing feelings towards P. She was a young lady, she supposed, and young ladies were inclined to infatuation. But that made it sound like a disease, as inevitable and unpleasant as her monthlies. This was different. This felt like seeing snowdrops popping up in February. It felt small, and warm, with potential to grow.

Could she let it? How long was she truly planning to stay in Krat? For as long as it took to fix things? And then, what about after?

She didn't have to go back, she supposed. She could go back to tell Peter she was alright, but she'd meant it when she said there was nothing for her in London. It still felt – odd – to leave the city she'd always lived in behind.

For a boy.

But P wasn't like any boy she'd ever known.

She sighed. Curiouser and curiouser indeed. She leant back, on her hands, searching for a clocktower. Waiting was awful. P would be alright, she was sure, but what if he wasn't? What if he was hurt? She wouldn't know for another two hours.

But he appeared after one.

Alice had been pacing, distracted. Whenever she closed her eyes, Krat felt far away, and that scared her. She pressed her fingers against the wall to ground herself, when she heard the door open again. There was a figure there; a figure she recognised.

P came down the steps. He walked slowly, rolling his mechanical arm in its joint, as if it pained him.

"P." Alice came forward to meet him. "You're alright. Well, I knew you'd be alright, because you're..." She stopped, when she saw his face. " Are you alright?"

P looked at her. His eyes were heavy-lidded, lashes casting dark shadows over his cheeks in the dusk. He opened his mouth, closed it. Then, s tepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pressed Alice to his chest, and she leant into him, her arms slipping around his back.

P buried his head in her hair. Her chin pressed against his shoulder, and she felt the full impact of his weight. Could hear the tock of his gears. He smelt of oil, and the iron tang of blood.

"What happened?" Alice asked. P held her more tightly, and she let him, for a moment, before she eased herself away. Before she caught his cheeks in her hands, and didn't feel awkward about the touch. She knew this feeling: she knew what it was like to have the world collapse. "Did they hurt you?"

"I'm not hurt." Though he walked stiffly, and there was a dent in the plate of his legion arm. Not hurt, but in need of mending. "I learnt…"

"What?" Alice asked. Her heart pounded.

P still held her waist. His thumbs twitched, and she felt shooting stars glide dart across her from the touch.

"I learnt Ergo is human souls," he said, his gaze steady.

It didn't sound so strange, to Alice, but then, little surprised her, anymore. It explained how she felt when she saw that blue butterfly, and how she had felt electrified when it touched her. It explained how it brought puppets to life.

She brushed P's hair back, and her fingers lingered over his cheekbone. His skin was impossibly smooth.

"That's why some puppets develop egos," P continued, as though he was still explaining it to himself. "It's the human soul in them remembering who they were."

And Alice understood, then, his shock. P always had this ego. He had a human's ergo within him.

"And do you…" Alice trailed off. Her hand still hovered by his cheek.

P closed his eyes. His lashes fluttered slightly, like a butterfly's wings. His freckles were golden in the sunset. "Geppetto had a son. He never told me, but I know about him. He died." He pressed his cheek into her palm. "That's where my ergo came from."

Alice's heart pounded so forcefully she felt it in her throat. "Who told you that?"

"I can feel I'm right." A line appeared between his brows. "That I just – know. Everyone around the hotel said these things, and now I understand them. Now I know who Lady Antonia was going to say I look like. Now I know why my father was so amused I brought back Carlo's portrait. I am meant to be him."

He had been built as a replacement for Geppetto's dead son. Alice felt an empty horror in her stomach.

"You're P." Alice pressed her palms against his chest. She felt his springs working. "You may have Carlo's Ergo, but you're not him. You're you ."

P looked at her, his eyes that unbelievable blue. The blue of a sea after a storm; of a clear, summer sky; the blue only seen in paint sets.

"Who am I?" he asked.

"You," Alice said. "Are kind. Truly, genuinely kind. You're empathetic and charming - and - you tell the most wonderful lies."

P blinked. "Wonderful lies?"

"They're lies that make people good." Alice found herself leaning into P, into his warmth. "They're wonderful lies."

His lips twitched, as if he was about to smile, and his hands slipped around to the small of her back.

"It doesn't matter who Carlo was," Alice continued. "You're P."

He did smile, then, but it was a sad smile. He pressed his chin against the top of Alice's head. Just like before. Alice felt warmth flood through her. Her cheek was pressed against P's cravat pin. She felt her heart beat against the back of her hands - felt P's heart beat against his palms. She was enveloped in him, her boots clacking as she shifted to keep her balance.

She felt him sigh.

"At the hotel, there's a book about a puppet who wants to be human. I took the name from that." P paused. "Now I know why my father never gave me a name himself."

Alice closed her eyes. His fingers tightened in P's clothes. She ached for him. Ached for not knowing who you were - ached for discovering you were supposed to be something else. She knew that. She knew those feelings. There was nothing she could say that would ease them - that, she also knew from experience.

A distant screech sounded from a nearby street.

P pulled away, catching Alice's elbows. His mechanical arm was chill against her skin. “We are not safe on the streets."

She let him tug her away from the Grand Exhibition, and towards the abandoned houses of Krat. It really was like a ghost town. (Though, a small part of Alice’s brain said, ghost towns didn’t have real monsters.)

“Do you want to go back to the hotel?” she asked.

“Not yet.”

Alice didn’t argue. She followed P back along the streets, and to the shelter of one of the empty houses. It didn’t have a door, any longer, but it was empty of puppets or carcasses, and it provided shelter.

They would be safe, for a little while. P would be safe.

And Alice had her blade. She’d be able to protect them both.

*

Alice sat on a lopsided chaise lounge with ripped cushions, in the abandoned house. P knelt in front of her, his head in her lap. It had just happened; he had meant to sit beside her, but had just felt too – heavy. Not because of his equipment, his medals or parts wighed him down. He just felt too heavy. He’d sunk down, and Alice had been there. She hadn’t moved away when he rested his cheek on her skirts, so he’d stayed.

In fact, her hand had gone to his hair, and brushed it back, like he was Spring. The movement was nice. Pleasant. Rhythmic. He could focus on that feeling instead of the thoughts whirring in his mind. It had all come together so horribly clearly, as if the pieces had always been there, but he hadn’t turned them the right way.

Ergo was human souls. He was powered by Ergo. He was powered by a human soul. That soul had been Carlo.

“Geppetto will be worried about you,” Alice murmured. She was warm and soft underneath him.

P made a sound. His father would be worried about him. Not because he cared about P, but because P carried Carlo's heart. Precious. He was a precious thing. Even though he made to battle. He traced his fingers over the edge of Alice’s blue skirt, thumbing the fabric.

“The other guests at the hotel will be worried,” Alice continued, though she didn’t sound too concerned, either. She still brushed his hair back, her finger lingering over the shape of his ear. It sent sparks through to his core. “Eugenie, Lady Antonia and Venigni…Spring?”

P almost smiled. “We will go back for Spring, soon.”

But he didn’t move. He couldn’t bring himself to. He didn’t just have Carlo’s Ergo; he had Carlo’s face. The portrait of the boy was Carlo. He'd been modelled after him. That was why he didn’t want to go back. Because he hadn’t been the son Geppetto built him to be; he saw that in the way he looked at him, sometimes. When P spoke about lying to the woman in Elysium Boulevard because he wanted her to be happy, when he spoke about having to kill the survivor in Venigni’s ironworks, when he wanted to fix himself. He didn’t always do what his father said.

He wasn’t always the good boy he’d said he’d be.

For now, he wanted to stay here, with Alice, and not be Carlo. He just wanted to be himself. P closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his springs.

Alice’s voice was still soft: “Do you need repairs?”

He made another sound. Yes, he did. His legion arm needed fixing, his weapon needed a grindstone, and his springs were sticking, where he’d gotten hit by that – monster. He hadn’t told Alice about the monster. That the alchemists were deliberately turning people into those creatures. He knew she would be able to handle it; she wouldn’t be scared.

But it scared him.

“We have supplies to fix you up, pal.” It was Gemini, at his hip. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet.

It was a huge effort for him to sit up properly – Alice’s fingers fell away – and P searched in his belts for his supplies.

“I’ll do it.” Alice offered. She slipped from the Chaise Lounge, and sat next to him, her skirts spreading around her like flower petals.

He showed her his arm, and drew out the repair tool he'd been carrying. There was little light in the house, and it was only getting dimmer. Gemini glowed even brighter to counteract it; somehow, he managed to do it smugly.

He showed Alice how to open the plate of his forearm. She didn't flinch at his inner workings. She tied her hair back, and leant over.

P told her how to fix it; he had watched his father doing it enough; and Alice followed his instructions. She bit her lip, gently, as she worked. Her hair fell down from her shoulder, and he brushed it back for her. She glanced up at him, her green eyes flashing. They looked like emeralds.

Their faces were very close. P could lean forward, just an inch, and he could kiss her. He thought he wanted to. Though, he wasn't supposed to. He wasn't supposed to love.

Was he?

He'd met Julian the gentleman. He knew Polendina. They'd thought puppets could love.

Did he love Alice? They'd only known each other a few days, but P had not been awake for much longer. Did it really matter?

He felt warm. Felt his springs whirring as Alice fixed his legion arm back into place.

"Thank you," he murmured.

Her lips twitched. Gemini's amber light played over her face. She looked beautiful; like a fairy. She shook her head slightly.

"It's the least I could do," she replied. She still had hold of his hand; he didn't pull away. He watched her bring it to her mouth, and watched her press her lips to his metal knuckles; even if he couldn't feel it. It sent a pang of emotion through him. That she was treating a weapon - his weapon - so tenderly. He wanted to stay here. He wanted to kiss her.

But there was a scream. Even closer to the house than the previous one.

Alice got to her feet, keeping hold of P's hand to help him up.

"We really should get back, now."

He didn't argue. He didn't think he could; he felt breathless. He was much too heavy for Alice to tug up; she almost fell herself. He caught her, and they finally began to make their way back to Hotel Krat.

He knew something was wrong, when they were still on the bridge leading to the hotel. Most of the lights were off. The front door swung open.

They didn’t need to talk. They started to run. The lobby was ransacked. P felt as though he was falling; falling and falling, and not hitting the floor. He hurried upstairs. The hotel had been attacked. He’d been away, and the hotel had been attacked.

It was only when he got upstairs, that he found out the worst part.

His father had been taken.

*

Alice had not liked Geppetto very much. She couldn't be too distressed about his kidnapping. But, she did feel terrible for P. It looked as though the news was a physical blow for him. He stayed, staring at the group in Hotel Krat, unable to believe the news.

It was even worse, because he'd been away at the time. Alice knew that. He was blaming himself, because they'd deliberately dallied after the Grand Exhibition. He was thinking that if they got here earlier, they could have stopped this.

Alice didn't think so.

She couldn’t say that, of course. Nothing she said would make P feel any better. She could only offer to go with him, and get Geppetto back. A rescue mission. She stepped forward, ready to reassure him with the others, when she noticed the butterfly. It fluttered, just out of the corner of her eye. She turned to follow the movement. It was heading out into the hall.

Alice should stay. She should stay and comfort P. He needed her now, just as much as he'd needed her in the abandoned house.

But Alice had always been to curious for her own good. She glanced back, to see P in deep conversation with the others. And she knew she didn't belong here. She was a stranger to these people.

So, she followed the butterfly.

It didn't flutter far. To the top of the stairs, where Sophia stood. Sophia, who leant against the banister, her skin waxy and pale.

The butterfly perched on her shoulder, then scattered into light.

Sophia smiled. "Alice."

"They can't see you," Alice said.

Sophia’s eyes were soft. They were practically glowing; just as much as one of her butterflies. “I knew you were clever. You’re just as clever as he is.”

He. Even Sophia didn’t call him P.

“Does P know?”

“I think he does.” Sophia looked beyond her, to the room where they all stood. Alice heard low voices, murmuring to each other. “He does not want to admit it to himself, but he knows, deep down.”

Alice still wanted to trust Sophia. She really did. But trust was something that was becoming harder and harder for her to keep a grasp of.

“What are you?” she asked.

“I am human.” Sophia reached out a hand. It was shaking, slightly. “And I am a human who can talk through ergo.”

“You know what ergo is?”

Sophia hesitated, a moment. “How could I not?”

“But, P—”

“Alice, my dear.” Sophia took her hand. She held it between both of her own, and Alice realised how frail she was. Her hands were trembling. Despite any misgivings she had, she put her hand over Sophia’s to try to steady her. “We do not have time. I do not have time.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked.

Sophia tried to smile. “You’re right. They cannot see me, because I am not really here. The me you see is only a piece of my soul that I’m projecting into Hotel Krat. For P. And when I sensed it, you.”

Alice’s heart galloped. “Then where are you?”

Sophia shook her head. “I cannot keep this form here much longer. And I feel when my strength gives out, it will affect you, too.”

“Where are you?” Alice asked. “We’ll save you.”

Sophia’s mouth moved in half a smile, again. “I do not know if there is any saving me. Not now.”

“ Sophia .”

And then it happened. The hotel disappeared. For a moment, she stood in a field, overlooking a small town. There was a clocktower, and she caught a glimpse that it was midnight. Could hear the distant toll of the bell.

Saw a figure by the clocktower. Flying.

“Peter!” she shouted.

The figure moved.

She raised a hand and took a step forward.

Then she was back. Back in the hotel. The gas lamps flickered.

Sophia was gone.

Alice stared. She pressed a hand to her chest, feeling her heart race under her palm. She had slipped realities. Just for a second. Much worse than outside the Grand Exhibition. But it had been when she hadn’t wanted to. Hadn’t planned to.

She’d followed the butterfly to get to Krat. It had been Sophia’s help that had brought her here. Without Sophia, would she be able to stay? Would she be able to get back on her own?

“Ah, bella ! You’re safe!” It was Venigni, coming from the room they’d all been in. “Thank goodness.”

“Yes,” Alice said. She looked up to see P at the door. His expression was dark, and he was clenching and unclenching his fists rhythmically. Angry, she realised, and realised she’d never seen P angry. “Yes, I just—” She couldn’t talk about Sophia in front of Venigni. “Do you know who took Geppetto?”

“Alchemists,” Venigni said. “Working with stalkers. Quite a dangerous group. I think it was for the best that you two were not here. You would have done something foolish.”

They would have fought, even if they were outnumbered.

“The isle of achemists,” P said. He began walking. “Lady Antonia said to check behind the painting for the way.”

“You’re going now?” Venigni asked. “But, you need repairs. We need to plan. I can make your arm much better.”

“There’s no time,” Alice said. Sophia was getting weaker. They had to find her. This Alchemist Island was as good a place to start as any. “I’m coming with you.”

P looked at her. His eyes softened. He nodded.

“Please, one of you, see sense,” Venigni called.

Sense was something Alice had always been in short supply of, she thought to herself. She followed P downstairs. To where the piano stood. He leant over it, his finger searching for the right key.

Alice opened her mouth to tell him. No sound came out.

P pressed down on the key. The huge portrait of Lady Antonia swung forward in response.

Alice would've laughed. It was like something from a penny dreadful. But then, she realised, all of this was. That was where she belonged too - in a penny dreadful.

P strode forward. His shoes thudded on the floorboards. It made Alice realise just how solid he was - just how heavy. He was a machine.

That should scare her.

It didn't. She followed him, heading towards the dark square of the passage. And just before he stepped through, Alice caught his hand.

P paused. He glanced over his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

"It's Sophia," Alice said. "She told me she was in trouble."

P nodded. "We'll find her."

She opened her mouth to explain that Sophia in trouble meant that Alice was in trouble too. That she might not be able to stay here.

But P was already heading through the passage. Alice followed.

Perhaps it would be alright. Perhaps they would find Sophia before that happened. There might not be any need to worry P with that now.

Alice had always been good at lying to herself.

She continued following P. And Venigni joined them, whistling at the submarine that was stored there. The submarine that would take them to the island. Alice stayed silent. She stepped in, after P, and they were off.

Even Gemini was quieter than usual.

Alice put her hand on P's elbow, as he drove. It was all she could do to show her support.

And hope that she wouldn't flip over to her own reality whilst she was underwater.

*

There was something wrong. P could tell. When the anger had begun to fade, and when he had been able to think rationally, he noticed that Alice was tense. That she kept looking at him, and biting her lip. There was something wrong .

"I lost my temper," he said.

Alice's mouth twitched. "You should see me when I lose my temper."

"It's because-"

"It's not your fault." Her fingers tightened on his forearm, and his chest felt warm.

"It is," P said. "If I had been better-"

"This didn't happen because you felt hurt at Geppetto," Alice said. "There are people who did this, and people who are responsible. There are people to blame, and those are the people who took him."

If P had been a better son, it would never have happened. But Alice was watching him with those narrowed, green eyes, daring him to disagree with her. She was practical.

And she also tightened her fingers further, her brows drawing together.

P took his hand from the controls. It was near enough a straight run to the island now. He grazed his fingers of Alice's hand. She didn't flinch away, even though it was his legion arm.

"This happened to you," P murmured.

Alice stiffened. She didnt reply. Turned her fingers over instead, tracing the shapes of P's palm. She nodded, once.

P brushed her hair back behind her ear, and saw that her eyes were closed. The low light made her lashes cast spidery shadows over her pale cheeks.

"Not this exactly," she whispered. "But I've lost loved ones."

P wanted to pull her close. Wanted to find out more. Wanted to know everything about her, and wanted her to know everything about him. It felt like she already did. He wanted to stay here, underwater, just like they'd stayed in that abandoned house.

But they were nearing the island. He had to content himself with bringing her hands to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of them. She didn't look scared, anymore. Her eyes were soft and her lips parted.

He had to pull away. Had to take control. He had to save his father. Regardless of Carlo, Geppetto had still created him. He still cared for him. P still loved him.

Perhaps he was bound by more of the Grand Covenant than he thought.

They fell into a determined silence as he docked the submarine. The island was not much, he thought. Was a misty beach with ruins in the distance. But there was a building, and the Ergo in him awakened. It sparked and danced inside him, and he felt an irresistible pull towards the building. There was a lot of Ergo here.

He stepped forward, half in a daze, and only stopped because Gemini chirped.

"Hey, Miss Alice!"

He turned.

Alice still stood at the door of the submarine. The wind caught her hair, whipping it across her face.

P held out his hand to her. It felt natural, now. And then he stopped. There was Ergo, around Alice. Sparks of blue, twinkling around her.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Sophia." She stepped forward, and for a moment, P saw through her. It was like she was a projection. "She's – in trouble—"

"I don't understand." P came forward. He took her hands, but only for a moment. In the next, they were gone.

"It was her power that helped me get here." Alice leant into him, looking up. Her eyes still shone like emeralds. "Now she's weak...I can't – I can't stay."

P grasped her hands even tighter, and saw her wince. But he couldn't let her go. Wouldn't. Not when he found someone who understood him. The only person.

"No."

Alice shook her head, slightly. She didn't pull away. "I'll get back. I'll get back to you, P."

"But I—"

"I promise!" Alice cried.

She reached up, her body warm in the face of the wind and the sleet. It painted her cheeks and lips carnation pink.

P leant down. Her image was flickering worse than ever, like the record of the gramophone skipping. She was disappearing. She was going back to her own reality.

But P would kiss her before she went. Just once. He had to.

Alice disappeared, before he could.

[consumeroflemoans]

Hello, it's me, one of the anons that put Vilidia scenarios into your askbox, I'm here once again, I came up with a Vilidia AU today while thinking about my own OC lore as one does

This does go back a bit because we are once again involving merfolk

So to get to the gist of it Idia is the keeper of a lightly cursed lighthouse out on the sea in a somewhat ambigious time period, the backstory I came up with for that one is that he and his brother who had spent their entire lifes in a small coastal town, gazing over the ocean together, dreaming and talking about the magical creatures and beings they had been told of in fables and read about in stories, imagening what it would be like to see the sunlight gleam off a mermaids shimmering scales, heroically resist a sirens song to stir your boat to safety or witness a sea monster winding its big body around underneath the waves

So they went out at night and untied one of the boats and tried to sail away into unexplored waters to discover things they've only fantasized of, but two children are as they find out suprisingly not enough to properly man a boat and they veer off course fast, it didn't matter if Idia had spent hours each night studying the constellations so he could navigate the two or if Ortho dedicated his free time to practicing all kinds of boating knots, they were both children and simply weren't strong enough to actually man a whole real boat on their own so they just kept drifting further out until the horizon was out of sight and all they could see anywhere was water

The next few weeks are painful as food dwindles, it keeps on raining and both their deck and they themselves get progressively more soaked, the clouds seem to swallow the sky up and they can't even tell anymore in which direction the tide is carrying them or even how long it's really been as it seems that everyday the fog gets thicker and all seems to be coated in an everpresent darkness, they brought more books than they did supplies and the absolute absence of anyone but the two is starting to gnaw at them

Eventually they get to meet one of the very myths they originally set out for, for the first time in who knows how long their boat bumps into something solid or rather something solid bumps into their boat, the water isn't clear enough to see much of anything, but when they look down eventually something breaks the surface and they see the scales of a sea monster, bigger than their entire boat, barnacles over its body and coral branches stuck in its finsIts not even the monster that really gets them, it tries, rams its head against the deck and the side of the ship and manages to damage the wood, though they're screaming and trying desperately to dodge the incoming battering they see a light in the distance, grab the steering wheel and use all their little child strength to take course, they get a fair bit closer, but eventually the monster lands good hit and the ship and it all goes sideways, they fall overboard

Idia wakes up coughing up water with someone repeatedly pushing down on his chest, when he comes to there's a stranger standing over him in a lightkeeper uniform and when he sits up the monster is slithering back down to the depths and Ortho is floating on top of the water

The lighthouse is situated in the middle of a piece of ocean where it's perpetually night and the water is haunted by creatures so thoroughly disturbing they should never ever be allowed to invade any other seas, it's pourpose is to both be a deterrent for sailors everywhere and for the keeper to keep track of everything

The position can't be kept by one person forever, but who can you pass it onto really when you're stuck in one place all alone with no one, fortunately for everyone who isn't you this place does something to the people that stay in it too long, borderline Immortality, merging with the things around you all that, you are allowed to "quit" once you have a suitable succesor and by suitable I mean anyone who's there and alive, just take the first guy you can get kinda deal

So Idia is sitting there with the a stranger who doesn't look entirely human, gets a manual thrown at him because if the keepers had anything it was time to kill, might as well do that and spare themselves the explanation, and a uniform much too big for him before he watches them walk into the ocean until they entirely dissapear

So now he's stuck in a lighthouse, he bothered to fish some of the books out of the water and dry them, some of the previous keepers left diaries and other stuff there, he's got a few of those ship in a bottle building kits which is kinda fun

And to boot the ghosts of those who did actually die there do get to stay trapped too so he's not all alone, he's got a bunch of ghosts of which most like to try clawing their way back to the mortal realm while screaming to be let out and also Orthos ghost is there too

Idia gets older, eventually the uniform starts to fit and it seems to him he looks progressively weirder each time he happens to walk past a mirrorFor all that it is supposed to be the most dangerous place in the entire sea, it's kind of calm honestly

And then someone crashes on the little island, finally Vil arrives in the story

A merman who got just a little lost to say the least

He's still an actor, just underwater and if I could have a little fun and continue the with something more appropriate to the very vague time period than movies and also tie into the whole singing thing often associated with merfolk I'd like to put him into opera

He just got out of rehearsal and god was it bad, the orchestra kept fucking up and his co-actors didn't even bother memorizing their parts and he didn't even manage to secure the role he wanted

It's one of his very favourite operas, one near and dear to his hard with almost every line memorized and it needs to be a perfect performance, but it can't be if everyone else keeps fucking it up! He might as well just do it all on his own, let him sing every role in the play, it can only get better from whatever downright insulting performance these idiots are pulling out of their asses

Undecided, but I think it could be intresting to do a mirror thing in which said opera is the tale of the lighthouse keeper in comparison to Idias myths of merfolk, even if the story is presumably highly altered, but a tale of a man who trapped the beasts of the sea and dutifully guards them to bring safety to all residents of the deep blue, engaged in a constant battle with the true leviathans of the ocean in a seemingly sisyphean attempt to beat them and be free

Truly it is incredible how he sticks to a position he derives no joy from for the good of others, never moving from his post or despairing and Vil cannot help but admire the tenacity of never stopping his fight, never giving up on the possibility of success, that he might one day be able to do what he wants if he keeps doing what he must until he succeeds, no he's not projecting, he's just right

He goes on a swim to clear his thoughts and gets caught in a stream he's pulled towards a dark part of the ocean with seemingly no ground in sight

He tried his best to fend off whatever beast tried to get to him, trying to hit them away with the fins on his tail, but the only escape he found was at the light house and now he's beachedIs Idia mildly pissed that the first person who ever survived entering during his time in as the keeper is not someone he can push into the job? Maybe

Yes, it's a bad and mean and how it happened to him still haunts him sometimes, there's a nagging guilt when the thought of quitting crosses his mind, but it's been like eight years and he feels like he's done his time and really he just wants to be over with this, is that so wrong?

But also, oh god... It's a merman, it's one of the very things he wanted to see with Ortho way back then, whose little ghost is so excited by the way, one of the myths he's been reading on repeat for years, honestly probably his favourite one

Pages upon pages describing the colorful scales of merfolk, their beautiful voices and how their hair would flow along with their movements as they swam

He had though the books grew stale after a while, but looking at Vil before him he almost feels like he could write a new one all by himself just from looking at him, an entire series, maybe a whole library

But Vil gets put into some kind of big water container, maybe in a bathtub of olden times, the classic

Things happen now, Idia gets his first face to face talk in almost a decade to the pretty, pretty merman and he sooooo nails it (lie)Vil is ever so slightly horrified at Idias somewhat neglient treatment of the position and slowly also comes to realize that having to suffer through duty isn't really something to be strived for

Normally you cannot leave the lighthouse zone once you came in and Idia may have given up trying to get out through any other way than walking into the waves, but Vil hasn't and won't, Idia is just a tad bitter that he wants to leave him alone again, maybe drags his feet on the whole escape a little, but he's been here for so long and he knows how much it sucks and he just... He can't do that to Vil, he just can't

I'm honestly very tempted to say, Vil gets out and they never see each other again and they're both so sad and melancholic and the stories in which they found comfort and inspiration take on a whole new level of meaning, a yearning and a fondness and a memory and a way to pay respect, Idia draws Vil into the pictures of his book, Vil changes the costuming of the keeper to resemble Idia and makes just ever so slight changes to the script, no one knows why he wants them to have an odd passion for little boat puzzles

And at this point I don't really have an idea, but I'll keep talking anyway because I'm not sure if full tragedy is the thing and I want to give some semblance of an alternative conclusion

There's a few attempts and a lot of planning, but Idia manages to distract and fend off some of the monsters so Vil gets to swim out, guided by the lighthouse, what they came up with were a few smaller mechanical paddle boats, from Idia, that have a liquid scent attached to them, from Vil, to simulate people in the water because it's the best I can think of right now, but if Idia thinks that's where things end oooooh, he's sorely mistaken

Though another struggle might be actually convincing Idia that he should leave at all because yeah, he doesn't like it, but what else does he have? I mean, Ortho's there too kinda and he can't just leave him and even if he could he's been gone for so long, he doesn't know where he came from anymore and he missed so much that he doesn't feel he can make up for, but doesn't mean he can't have a future and all that, Vil is going to try his absolute hardest to get him out

Also maybe, there's a little radio in the lighthouse that was constant static because it never had any kind of connection, hard to get when you're where Idia is, but with a lot of fiddling around and an actual knowledge of its existence an outside connection is established and coincidentally Vil starts broadcasting his singing after he comes back from his brief stint of being missing

Well then, goodbye

ANON.

ANON WHEN I GET YOU ANON.

AUGH THIS JUST REMINDS ME OF THE MYTH OF CALYPSO.

Where as punishment she’s trapped on the island of Ogygia with no way to really escape. And also being cursed to fall in love with anyone that washed up on her shores. Raaaah tying Greek mythology into any story with Idia my beloved.

This whole AU is honestly fascinating I want to read a 500k word fic on it this very second.

ALSO OMG VIL GETTING OUT WITH IDIA’S ASSISTANCE AND THEN JUST NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN IS SO ODYSSEUS AND CALYPSO CODED

Someone stop me I swear

Pull me away

Aaaaaaaaaa

Also I am so fascinated by the underwater world you’re building here too. Like??? The sea monsters?? Having creatures of the depths the even the merfolk fear?? Also Vil still having an amazing singing voice and performing underwater is so iconic of him. He should have his tail draped in black pearls methinks.

ANYWAY

Them being apprehensive of each other only to eventually have to get to know one another because they’re the only real company they have. Vil can hardly stay in the dangerous waters outside, so he has to rely on his lighthouse keeper.

Also mgmmfmd my mind is going so many places but the thought that they both had idealized versions of each other in their mind. Their ideals are shattered, but they realize that they can relate to each other and even get along. They crack jokes and talk, making a short of light in this dreary place.

OMG

Idia letting Vil go and wanting him leave because he doesn’t want the new light in his life to be consumed by the darkness like he was long ago. He’s been the caretaker of this lighthouse for years. He’s faced grief and regret since he was a young child. But Vil isn’t like that. He’s a star, even underwater. He shines brightly in his performances and lights up a room with his song.

I like to think that Vil sometimes performs for Idia because he knows the lighthouse keeper truly appreciates it. Also his performances aren’t bogged down by worse performers around him.

And then Idia send him away, even though Vil doesn’t really want to leave him. He helps Vil escape so he can continue shining in the watery depths. He lets go of his only source of happiness because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it anymore. He can’t be selfish. Not when it comes to Vil.

AAAAA MY THOUGHTS ARE SUCH A MESS BUT I AM DYING

[jjaylove27]

True Love

Part Four

Y/N POV

I've been at Story Brook for a couple of weeks now. Still no signs of any pages from the book. Emma and Killian are still very much in love and happy. But any time I come around she seems stand offish. I hope I didn't do anything to make her mad or upset. I want my husband back but I don't want to lose a friend in the process. We have all been hanging out and trying to figure out what we could do to get the pages back. Killian and I haven't had anymore alone time. I'm currently on the dock going to the next boat to check the innovatory.

"Hey Y/N!"

I turned around to see Emma I smiled at her and waved.

"Hey, Emma what's up?"

"After you get off of work can you swing by the apartment so we can talk?"

"Yeah that's fine. I get off in 30 minutes so I'll see you in an hour?"

"That works."

Then she walked away. I wonder what she has to talk to me about? Maybe its about another plan to try and get the papers back from Gold? I just keep my head down and finish up the last bit of work. I clock out and and went to Granny's and changed my clothes. I finally went to the store and bought some new clothes. I got some leather pants and some flowy tops. Just because I'm in Story Brook doesn't mean I'm completely changing the way I dress.

I finished getting changed and started walking to Emma's apartment. I arrived and knocked on the door. I waited for Emma to open the door and once she did she nodded her head to come in.

"So Emma what did you need to talk about?"

"You remember when we went and looked for pages at Golds?"

I nodded my head.

"Well I actually found two pages. I didn't say anything because what I seen shocked me. I knew Hook worked with your dad but I thought that was all. Well what I found was a picture of you two kissing."

She what? She didn't say anything? Why would she not say anything.

"Why would you hide this?"

"I didn't know what to think. I just got Hook back and I'm scared of losing him."

"Emma he deserves to know about our past. I don't want to show up and demand him to come back to me. That's his choice, not yours!"

"Wait I thought you didn't remember anything?"

"That was a lie. I couldn't come out and say we are married here's your ring. You gave it to me before you went into town so no one stole it. Then you never came back. I wanted him to see and read the pages!"

I just shock my head and walked out. I can't believe this. I just kept walking not looking where I was walking. I ended up running into a hard wall and stumbling back wards. I look up to see Killian.

"You okay luv? You look really lost?"

"I have a question if your significant other lost their memory and someone took your photos to show them. Then the person that your significant other is seeing finds photos of them is it okay to hide that?"

"Woah that is a lot to take in. Sounds very personal. No its not okay to hide the photos. But if they didn't know about it then they probably freaked out. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I'm going home."

I started walking about to the Jolly Roger without thinking.

"Umm Sparrow Granny's is the other way."

"Huh? Yeah I know where Granny's? I'm going back to the Jolly Roger? You know home?"

"Umm Jolly Roger is my home. I know you was like a little sister but I don't think you ever lived on the Jolly Roger. Are you okay?"

Emma's got my mind swirling that I completely lost my mind. Now I have to save this.

"I'm sorry there is a lot going on in my head and the water is my home and since the Black Pearl isn't hear I guess the next best thing was the Jolly Roger."

"I get it. Why don't you come back and take a nap?"

"That sounds nice. I really appreciate."

We walked in silence to the Jolly Roger. We finally reached it and without thinking I just walked up the plank and into the captain's quarters laid down and fell asleep.

I woke up not to long after I fell asleep. I need to go talk to Gold this could get out of hands quickly if I don't get the pages and talk to Killian. So I stood up and walked on deck. I didn't see Killian anywhere so I just started walking to Gold's. I finally reached it and just walked in. He was standing at the front counter.

"Well hello dearie what can I help you with?"

"I don't know why you took Killian's memory's. But please either give them back or give me the pages."

He laughed at me. "I took his memory's because he took my wife. If I can't have a happy life why should he? I'll give you the pages but only cause I don't think it'll help you. After all you're just a little sister to him anyways."

Then poof the papers was in my hands. I nodded my head and left. That felt to easy for Gold. I flipped thought the pages and the pages was are love story so he didn't change it. Now to get the other to pages from Emma.

HOOK POV

After Y/N went to sleep I decide to go see Emma to see if she knows what's up. Hopefully I'll be back before Y/N wakes up. I knock on the apartment door and Emma opens it. I give her a kiss on the cheek before walking in.

"So I ran into Y/N and she sounded like she had a lot going on. Do you know what happened?"

"I do but it's not my place to tell you. You have to find out from her. Here give these to her and tell her I'm sorry."

She hands me some folded up papers. I take them and walk out. I'm walking back to the ship when I see Y/N coming out of Golds looking at some papers.

"Hey Y/N."

She turns around and looks at me and smiles.

"Hey Kill what are you up to?"

"Well I actually just got done seeing Emma and she said to give you these papers and to say she's sorry."

She takes the papers from me and looks at them and gets the biggest smiles.

"Can we go back to the ship and talk?"

[skzhocomments]

Mafia Book #2 - PART I - The Black Iris - Chapter 5 - Iris' Apple Tree

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

General masterlist

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 4 | Chapter 6

---

PART I - THE BLACK IRIS

Chapter 5 - Iris' Apple Tree

chapter word count: 4.8k words

~two months later~

~Iris' POV~

Minho's been away on a mission for a few days with a few of the Kids, which meant I was left to fend for myself in this large mansion.

As far as I was aware, the only people still left here were me, Chris, Felix, Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin.

I wasn't so thrilled about Jisung and Chris, slight vexation still present after they uncovered my past with no regard for me. Of course, I understood why they did it, but I still felt like my privacy's been stepped on, so I tried to avoid them for the time being, at least until I gained the others' trust.

It wasn't difficult to do so, as Chris was almost always locked in his office, and Jisung avoided me like the plague. I didn't care much for Seungmin; he was usually busy with missions, even if he wasn't actively going on them; he was still supposed to keep track of everyone and talk them through what they must do once they reach the location.

Felix and Hyunjin were usually inseparable, so I was quite surprised to find Felix alone in the kitchen when I woke up.

"Morning." I greeted him as I walked in and grabbed a water bottle and an apple.

"Hi, Iris." He replied, his morning voice even deeper than his usual timbre. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you. What about you?"

"I did, but I feel quite tired. Your boyfriend gave me a hell of a training to follow while he's gone."

"Oh, is he training you?"

"Yea. He's the best at close body combat, and I'm really out of shape, so I asked him to help me."

"That's cool. I should ask him too."

"Maybe we could train together!" Felix suggested excitedly, his eyes sparkling. I got this impression before as well, but in the short time we spent together, it felt like Felix was like a little brother.

"Would be fun, but besides a few self-defence moves, I don't know anything." I chuckled.

"Don't worry, we're in the same boat. I haven't trained for almost two years, after..." He paused. "They treated me like porcelain, wouldn't let me do shit." He laughed softly.

"Are you still hurt?"

"No... my wound's all healed. The physical one, anyway."

"Mhm. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I'm not even sure... where I'd begin. Maybe we should train first." He stood up and urged me to follow him.

He took me to a training ground somewhere in the garden and asked me to hit him. I wasn't even sure how to position myself properly, but I tried to remember my previous classes on self-defence and the brief lessons Minho gave me when I first came here, and I attacked him with my fist.

Felix dodged quite easily and captured my arm with his, bending it backwards. It hurt so badly, and all my survival instincts kicked in. I wiggled out of his grasp and managed to hit his abdomen, but he was quick to hit back, and he would've gotten my face if I hadn't moved quickly enough.

"You're good for an amateur." He chuckled. Even though I was struggling to attack and block him, it felt like this was a walk in the park to him, which made me realise how defenceless I would be against someone like Felix, or even worse – someone like Minho.

I needed to learn how to fight.

By the time our training session ended, I was so out of breath, I needed a few moments to catch up. The only thing that made me feel better was that it seemed like Felix was tired too. He was also breathing heavily, which meant I wasn't such an easy target, but even so, the previous realisation still dawned on me heavily.

"Yo, catch." A voice came from behind, and soon two water bottles flew towards us. I turned around and caught mine just in time.

"Jinnie. You're done?" Felix smiled brightly, wiping off some sweat beads from his forehead.

"Yup. How was training? Is Iris any good?"

"Oh, she is-" Felix started, but I cut him off.

"Iris is right here and can answer for herself. And she needs a lot more training to be any good."

"We all start from somewhere." Hyunjin grinned.

"True."

"Anyways, if you two are done here, let's go. We still have some time left before the others return, so it's our only chance."

"Our only chance to...?" I tilted my head, confused.

"We just thought it's the perfect way to get to know you, since Minho is finally gone." Felix explained.

"I swear, that dude's obsessed. Won't leave you alone for even a minute. Does he think we'll eat you or something?" Hyunjin continued dramatically.

"I was shocked he actually left on this mission."

"Come on, it's not like that. He was just worried I'd-" – kill myself. I didn't say it out loud. Even if it's been two months, my feelings still haven't changed, which wasn't surprising, considering I've been feeling like this for years with no change.

Neither me nor Minho approached the revenge subject again. I even wondered if he forgot about it, but I didn't want to ask. I wanted to try trusting him – if it happens, it will happen, if not, not.

"Anyways, it's really not like that." I waved my hands around.

"We all knew Minho was intense, just never seen him in love." Hyunjin shrugged.

"Should we go, then?" Felix turned to me, and I nodded, curious of where they wanted to take me.

We walked through the beautiful garden for some time, until we reached the greenhouse. Minho previously told me about it, apologetically because he couldn't take me to it, since this was Hyunjin's space.

If he ends up trusting you.

I looked at Hyunjin, and just asked. No point in tip-toeing about it.

"Hyunjin, do you trust me?"

He chuckled.

"Why are you asking?"

"Because you took me here." I said just as he twisted the small golden key in the lock, opening the door.

"Do you know what this is, then?" He looked at me.

"An art studio...?"

"Sort of." He chuckled again. "Minho is serious about you, and the least I owe him is to give you a chance."

I smiled, and Hyunjin invited me in.

It was simply lovely. The rays of light radiated magnificently through the glass windows, playing with the canvases and forming all sorts of shapes on the art pieces on display. This scenery, combined with the greenery from the many plants – mainly ficus trees - scattered around, made this space feel peaceful.

Seeing all the ficuses made me realise that Hyunjin picked them intentionally, as they represent understanding and peace, which somehow gives me the impression that it was the exact space he wanted to create, and he made it so.

"So, Iris... first things first, take a seat." Hyunjin pointed me to a chair in front of an empty canvas, and Felix brought me some art supplies – oil paints and thinner.

"Just like that...?" I chuckled. This felt similar to the first therapy sessions I had with others, when I made them draw a tree to learn things about them.

How the turntables.

"What should I paint?"

"Whatever you want." Felix assured me.

"Something that represents you."

So, I painted a tree. Manipulating people's opinions about you is never a bad idea, even more so when you're in a situation like mine, between dangerous strangers who don't trust you, and whom you don't trust. I let the paintbrush form the image of a tall tree, placing it right in the middle, letting Felix and Hyunjin know that I am a well-organised person with high goals. The tree was relatively wide as well, as I wanted them to know that I am protective of my secrecy, I don't like sharing my business with others, and this will be as close as they'll ever get to me.

My tree is grounded, which means that I need some sense of security, but the gnarled trunk shows how unhappy I feel here – not necessarily here, just in general, on Planet Earth, which I wished for so many years to leave behind. I wanted my spirit to be free of the burdens of this body.

I tangled up all the branches, because I am unsure, and confused, and have no idea why I followed Minho so impulsively and where this will take me. It was a reckless decision that I didn't necessarily regret, for I had already left my previous life behind when I decided to die that night, but...

... will it be a new path filled with happiness, or will it just bring me more pain?

Do I even have any purpose among Stray Kids?

Will I ever find one?

For the final touches, I decided to add a few apples in and around the tree – showcasing my awareness of the environment and my attention to detail – and clouds – symbol of my pessimism in the day-to-day life.

I must've been painting for over an hour when I finally put the brush down. Hyunjin was attentively looking at the painting while Felix was angrily smashing his thumbs against his phone screen, probably playing some sort of game (and losing, judging by his expression).

"I like it." Hyunjin said after a while. "So... this is you, hm?"

"Oh, you're done?" Felix looked up from his phone and admired the painting in awe.

"Yes. This is me."

"Apple trees mean that happiness is coming your way." Hyunjin placed a hand on my shoulder, as if he somehow understood the meaning behind all my symbols. Maybe he knew psychology too, or maybe Jisung told everyone what he found out about me when he gathered intel.

"What about you? Do you think any happiness will come to this place?" I asked, noticing the two men averting their gazes.

"What do you mean?" Hyunjin asked after a while.

"It feels like your house is haunted by a ghost. Her absence is really weighing too heavily on everyone, isn't it?"

They stood silent.

"It was almost 2 years ago..." Felix broke the silence after a while. "We were on a mission, and Shade, Hyo and I were in the same team."

"Lix, you don't have to-" Hyunjin started, but was quickly cut off by Felix.

"It's also her house. She should know."

They shared a knowing look, and then Felix resumed the story.

"All of us were friends, you know?" He chuckled. "I had mad trust in both of them, and I trusted them both with my life. I knew they'd always have my back. Pretty naïve of me."

Hearing this story from someone else's point of view felt surreal. I did know most details from Minho, but this... was different. Felix was directly connected to this story; he was a victim.

"None of our devices were working, and I got worried. I knew we had to get out of there immediately, so I headed back to our original meet-up point, and there was-"

He started shaking. He was clearly distressed.

"You really don't have to force yourself to recall that..." Hyunjin placed a hand on Felix' shoulder, who just shook his head.

"Hyo was holding her gun pointed to Emilia. I never saw so much murderous intent in someone's eyes. Not even in Minho's, or Chan's. Her eyes were... simply frightening. She got startled to see me come in, and she didn't even think twice – that's how much I meant for her, apparently. She shot me mercilessly, like we haven't known each other for years. I wasn't even wearing a bulletproof vest; I always thought they were uncomfortable. Foolish of me."

"Yea, you're like those guys who say condoms are uncomfortable." Hyunjin tried to joke, but Felix didn't find it that amusing. "Uhm, we all thought Shade did it. After all, it made sense. Everything was adding up. Her room in the Scarlet Rose's mansion was the same, there was certain evidence that pointed to her unfaithfulness towards our mafia... of course, all of them planted by Hyo, but we were too blind to notice. And you know what the worst part is?" Hyunjin scoffed to himself.

"... what?" I asked with hesitation.

"I hated her. I hated Shade so bad for hurting Felix. I never felt such rage in my life. I even pleaded with Minho to find her and kill her. Chan was the same. He casted his love for her to the side and ordered Minho to find and keep an eye on her, but before he got to it, Felix woke up and told us the truth..."

"So... what happened to her?" I already knew, but I asked anyway.

"Jeongin tried to help her, but... she bled to death before he got the chance to save her."

"I'm so sorry... did she leave anything behind? Something to... show who she was?"

"Oh..." Hyunjin scratched the back of his head. "There is... that covered canvas over there..."

"I'll bring it." Felix stood up and brought the painting in front of us, uncovering it.

A white lily...

It was interesting to see that that's who she was. Normally, white lilies are used as funeral flower arrangements to symbolise the return to innocence of the deceased person. They are also used during weddings, symbolising commitment.

"This is-" The door to the greenhouse opened, interrupting my train of thoughts. We all turned our heads towards it, watching as Chris leisurely scanned the place with his eyes.

"Oh, I haven't realised someone might be here." He said shortly, stopping dead in his tracks. It was such a stark contrast between his demeanour, dejected figure and pitch-black clothes, and the serenity of the greenhouse. He looked so out of place, it was kind of painful to watch, as you could tell from a glance that there was no peace left inside of him.

"Chris." I acknowledged him with a nod, and he replied in the same manner.

"We were just preparing to leave..." Hyunjin quickly stood up, grabbing my arm to make me stand up as well, while Felix got in front of the painting, as if protecting it, or trying to hide it from his eyes.

Chris walked up to us, and I noticed Felix and Hyunjin gulping. They seemed uncomfortable, somehow. On edge. When he reached us, he pushed Felix to the side and grabbed the painting and looked at it for a few seconds.

"You two should go." He said to the two men coldly, but when he looked at me, he continued with something unexpected. "... and you may stay."

I sat down and watched as Felix and Hyunjin left the greenhouse, worry plastered on their faces, and then I looked at Chris, who was still captured by the magnificent white lily on the canvas.

"Rebirth." He said after a while. "That's what she named it..."

"That's a beautiful name."

"I keep replaying the conversations with her over and over... We don't know how today might go, so I just wanted you to know that I'll always be on your side, no matter what. You know what I said? I know that already." He chuckled.

I stood silent and let him start talking again whenever he was ready.

"Iris, you read through me since day one." He put the painting down and looked at me. "It took you just one glance to see that I'd much rather be dead."

"It takes one to know one." I whispered.

"You've said that before. Is that your catch phrase or something?" He chuckled. "Don't worry, Minho is a man of his word. If he promised you something... he will do it."

So, he didn't forget. I smiled to myself.

"Then... should we have our first therapy session here? It's a serene place." I laid back and pointed Chris to the chair next to me, and he hesitantly sat down, before standing up in a flash.

"No... not here. I have a better idea. Come."

He walked out of the greenhouse in a hurry, and I followed him, similarly to last time, when we went to the pizza place. This time, however, Chris headed to a parked car in the garden, and urged me inside.

We drove for a while through villages and plains, the city now far away in the rearview mirror, until we reached a beautiful hill. Chris stopped the car and got out, starting to walk somewhere, and I once again followed him without saying a word.

On top of the hill, a gravestone overlooked the land below proudly, Emilia "Shade" Jeong written in bold letters, and below it, a Lily carved in relief.

"This is where Jeongin buried her... I come here sometimes. More often than I'm proud of. I'm still mourning."

"Grief doesn't have a timeline." I replied and watched as he kneeled down in front of the gravestone. "I'd even dare to say you look quite calm."

"The first few hundred times when I was here were difficult." He chuckled. "Filled with rage, shouting and crying, hitting the ground with my fists and hoping the sky would tear open and give her back to me."

I put my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

"I feel like such a fool... still coming here 2 years later. Jeongin never does."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. Quite curious, but I didn't say anything.

"Maybe I'm just a fool."

"Why don't you start from the beginning, Chris?"

He sighed.

"Emilia... was in a mafia called The Scarlet Rose prior to joining us. She's been in it ever since she could remember and didn't question their activities much... until her best friend presumably died in one of their missions. She decided to leave them, but that's not really... doable in our world, you know?"

"I figured that much." I nodded. "So... how did she join Stray Kids?"

"Her boss offered her a way out. A mission... In order to be allowed to leave, she had to kill me."

"Oh."

"Funny, right?" He laughed briefly. "It's the first time I'm talking about her with someone else."

"You're doing her justice, no worries." I laughed as well. "She seems interesting."

"She was. I swear, I've never met anyone like that girl."

"So, did she come after your head?"

"She did. She walked in our mansion confidently and started flirting with me as soon as I approached her. She was so, so beautiful, and incredibly hot." He chuckled, remembering. "I already knew she was coming, so I wasn't taken by surprise or anything, but... I felt kinda bad for her, being betrayed by her Mafia like that."

"Oh wait. Was it her boss?"

"Mhm." He nodded. "He never intended to let her leave, so he got in touch with us and told us she's coming in exchange for some of our dealers..."

"That's horrible."

"Yea, it sucks being betrayed like that... I guess I'm not much better. I ended up doing the same thing to her." He chuckled bitterly and looked away, far in the distance. He reminded me of my own self on the bridge two months ago. We had the same empty, lightless gaze.

"You did offer her a chance, didn't you?"

"I did... despite everyone's complaints. However, the others were quick to accept her, except for one of them. Her name was Hyo."

"Hyo..." The girl Felix mentioned earlier.

"She was like a little sister to me, but what she did was despicable. I don't know how I didn't notice she was harbouring other feelings for me. She just loathed Emilia, pretended to be friends while she planted evidence against her to make us trust her less and less... and we bit the bait."

"You know, Chris... betrayal never starts in big lies, but in small secrets. You couldn't have known if Hyo never gave you the indication that she likes you differently..."

"I keep trying to piece it together and see which signs I've missed, and it now seems so obvious, Iris..."

"Of course it does, because now you know all the facts. But when you're in that moment, it's not that easy to figure out."

"That's why I want a time machine. If I could've done things differently, then maybe... just maybe, both of them would've still been here. But I can't turn back time. I'm a murderer and I ended up killing the two women I loved the most."

"One of the hardest lessons in life is accepting that what we've done is unforgivable, and letting go..."

Chris looked at me with conflicted feelings. On one hand, he desperately wanted to let it go, to heal, but on the other, he couldn't stop punishing himself for his mistakes. He was fighting a tough battle, a losing fight, a war against himself where no matter which side won, he would still lose.

~

We headed back home after chatting for a little while, and I found out that Chris wasn't such a horrible human being as I initially thought. Of course, I still held some resentment towards him for 'testing' me the way he did, but after talking with him one on one for more than one hour and getting to know him better, I realised he is a kind man deep down.

He just had to bury his own self to be able to keep on going.

When we got back to the house, everyone who returned was in the kitchen, except Minho. He was in our room waiting for me, sitting down on the chair in front of the desk and taking off a pair of black fingerless leather gloves. His knuckles were stained in dried blood and he looked tired; black, prominent dark circles under his beautiful eyes.

"Hey..." I entered the room slowly and noticed his mannerisms. He certainly didn't seem too pleased.

He just nodded, and didn't spare me one glance. I headed to the bathroom and soaked a towel in water, then I went back to the bedroom and kneeled down in front of him.

"Are you okay?" I asked directly while pressing the wet cloth against his knuckles, wiping off the blood. He didn't seem physically hurt, and I was not about to walk on eggshells around him.

"Mission was successful." He replied but was short with me.

"Chris took me to Emilia's grave today." I decided to broach the subject first and check if that's what was bothering him.

"Is that so?"

"Mhm. He told me a lot about her..."

"Why did you go alone with him?" He asked all of a sudden, and I raised my eyes to meet his. They were cold and unforgiving, and if I were someone else, I might've even been scared of him.

"Why not?"

"Because there's no reason for you to be alone with him. Ever."

"Minho, don't you trust me?" I scoffed. "You're the one who brought me here. Do you think I'd turn my back on you?"

"No." He shook his head. "It's not that. I do trust you. I don't trust him, though. And I'm not talking about cheating or whatever. I just think he might hurt you."

Oh.

He brushed my hair with his hand and his brown eyes no longer looked cold.

He was worried for me.

He continued in such a quiet and kind tone, the skin on my arm got goosebumps.

"It's the first time I'm feeling like this, so please bear with me... I was so stressed out to leave you here alone, when I knew that Chris would be capable of anything. Hearing from Hyunjin that Chris took you somewhere and that you've been gone for 5 hours made me fucking spiral."

"I'm fine." I took his hand and pressed it on my cheek, kissing his palm. "Thank you for worrying about me."

"I also don't want you spending time with other men, don't get me wrong." He chuckled, and the atmosphere felt lighter. It was easier to breathe.

Was I anxious that I upset him?

"Oh my, you're so possessive!" I exclaimed and stood up, pulling on his arm. "Come. You should take a shower."

"Will you join me?" He smirked.

I so wanted to. I wanted to touch him, and I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to have him in all the ways, but I was scared of having flashbacks again, of getting transferred back to that night, and I was scared that sex was ruined for me forever...

... or at least until I could get that revenge Minho promised me.

He noticed my frown and immediately added "Wait, not like that- I mean, hot steamy shower sex with you sounds like the dream, but that's not what I wanted to imply. The intimacy-"

I pressed my lips against him and cut him off.

"Yea, let's take a shower together." I whispered, and we headed to the bathroom. I helped him wash off all the dry blood on his body and didn't ask him anything about the mission. I figured he would talk if he truly wanted to, but he was always hesitant when telling me about himself.

It was almost as if he was afraid I would change my perception of him. He certainly didn't know me too well, because if he did, he would've known I'm fucked enough in the head to love him no matter what atrocities he commits, as long as he loves me as well.

I never regarded myself as a good person, and spending so much time around criminals made me simply unphased of most things people consider unforgivable. What for most comes as shocking and reprehensible is for me an afternoon story during coffee on a usual work day on Wednesday.

I continued washing Minho off, and he wasn't hesitant to wash me back, but he was mindful of my private parts. It's funny, really. He was inside me two months ago, but ever since I told him about my rape, he didn't make even one move.

None.

Besides hugging me late at night in bed, holding my hand and kissing my lips or forehead (or hands, or shoulders or chest or...), he didn't dare touch me. Everything was on my terms, and I truly appreciated that. You wouldn't think Minho was a patient man, but he was, and I loved that about him.

At first, I worried that he didn't find me attractive anymore, but he seemed to sincerely love me, and his throbbing cock right now in the shower was telling a very different story.

I grabbed his girth and started slowly stroking him up and down, latching my mouth to his neck and sucking love marks on him. I also loved him sincerely, and I wanted to paint him with my love. I wanted to slowly get over my trauma, for me and for him.

He let his head roll back against the shower wall and closed his eyes, moaning.

"Iris, my love, you don't have to-"

"Shh." I pressed my lips on his and stole the words out of his mouth, then I moved them down his body, until I got on my knees in front of him and pressed a steady kiss on the tip of his cock.

He was so hard; I was sure it must've been painful to long for someone else's touch – mine – that badly. I wrapped my mouth around him and started bobbing my head, as his hand moved to the side of my face, caressing my cheek lovingly.

There was water everywhere; on my face, in my hair, on my body, but I didn't care. I just wanted to make him feel good, to hear his pleading moans. It was so satisfying to watch this usually cold-heart, collected, strong man crumbling under my touch.

I grabbed his right thigh with one hand for support and cupped his balls with the other, whilst continuing to suck him off, making sure to trail circles around his head with my tongue when I would reach the edge of his cock.

His moans became louder, so I continued at a quicker pace, and soon enough felt his warm release down my throat. As soon as he came, he got on his knees as well and kissed me so many times I lost count.

"Fucking hell." He whispered, his eyes stuck on mine. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I laughed, but he was serious. The way he was watching me was like he was under a spell. Was it love, or obsession?

Either way, it didn't matter.

I kissed him again.

"May I return the favour?" He asked hesitantly, but I wasn't ready for that.

"I'm sorry." I shook my head, and he understood.

We both stood up and resumed showering. Minho kissed my shoulders and washed my hair, then helped me dry it in bed.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." I started, and he stood silent, waiting for me to continue. "I want you to teach me how to fight properly."

He put the hair dryer down and looked at me.

"Why?"

"I fought with Felix today, and... I don't know, Minho. I want to come with you on missions. If I'm part of Stray Kids anyway, I want to be useful to you at some point."

"I don't want you to come with me though." He whispered, removing a hair strand from my face. "Missions are dangerous. What if something happened to you?"

"Should I just stay like a porcelain doll on a shelf, then?" I frowned.

"I will teach you... because it would be good to know how to defend yourself... but that's all. No missions, okay? Let's start tomorrow."

I smiled and kissed him, and that's how my physical combat classes started.

---

Chapter 4 | Chapter 6

[tenebrius-excellium]

I somehow feel like it's a little too early to make this estimate, but I took care of some things for myself lately and I'm feeling so so alone and vulnerable but also wayyy more confident, cautiously optimistic and hopeful for the future than before? Like, as a motherless daughter I have this dream of being able to say that "it got okay around age 30". I need to be able to tell this to someone else one day and be so so compassionate and encouraging to them, being able to promise that everything does get better, even if it might take someone another decade to reach that point for themselves.

So here's my coping mechanisms / survival guide for other motherless kids/teens/young adults out there... it's so trashy, like, I was making this up as I went along, I was just winging it out there, I did not have help and nobody cared what I went through. These are the things that got me through. They're not developed, they're not scientific, they're makeshift comfort. But please take what you need if you find anything helpful in this pile of rugs. (so crying right now)

Music and daydreaming help. So, sooooooo much. Don't get lost in the daydreaming too much, but I, for example, literally use music beat patterns to physically calm myself down. Music is a GREAT emotional regulator. Get that stuff out. Pacify yourself. I hum, I tap, I blow my eardrums out when life gets too much.

Stuffed animals help. They are soft and go everywhere with you and they are a guaranteed safe space. They are your pillow at night and the one you can always kiss and hug. They will love you back with their presence as well as they can. They've been through your shit with you and they are witnesses.

Christianity and Church help. A lot. A good Church will have motherly mothers and safe men in it. Members will gift you their spare items (I got like a clothes rack, a microwave, and more). They will give you money to get by if you honestly admit that you need help. When starving, I've always lowkey found food there. Within a Church, people will naturally move and clear out their households and get you connected to essential supplies like repairs, vacant housing, unused furniture, clothes and such. Accept this help. Don't depend on it, however, and do not exploit it either. Just grasp those opportunities when they present themselves.

Jesus himself helps. He will answer your prayers prayed in desperation if you honor him with your life. He saw. Trust me, he saw and he still sees, and he still helps you. Even now.

Socialism helps. A LOT. I've survived on state benefits for the longest time and have been so greatful discovering all the graces the government will grant you as an orphan, as a student, as a child, as a young person. My state has been more loving to me than my own parents. At least that's what it oftentimes feels like. Whenever they abandoned me, I was able to apply for some financial aid elsewhere. I recently organized insurance for myself, and it is my first real safety net EVER. I can relax better now.

Media help. Books, movies, talks, inspirational quotes, whatever floats your boat. Hearing and watching about other people's experiences lets you find kindred spirits and role models to aspire to. Don't get too lost in them either because you have to forge your own path. But take all the strength from them that you can. My real life role models include Kate Winslet, Kate Blanchett, Hugh Jackman and RDJ. My fictional role models are every swashbuckler ever, every dreamer, fighter, dancer, singer ever, just passionate people who are able to live in the present and get creative with the situations they find themselves in while maintaining a positive attitude and a fun, confident spirit.

No one will be coming to save you. Take responsibility for yourself as early as you can. I made the mistake of expecting others to save me for far too long. I remained passive expecting my step-family to accomodate my needs "when they finally find the time to think about me". These people have their own family dynamic; they don't get that you are different. Listen; THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FAMILY. You, however, are from an entirely different family. I wish for each and every orphan to be grafted into a family that wholeheartedly accepts who you are and supports you unconditionally. In my case though, I was expected to fit in with them and to grow up to do things exactly like them, their way. Which I couldn't. Because my blood literally boils different. If you feel "off", "out of place", "different", reclaim your origins, insist on it, do things your own way. It'll free you dramatically. If you're happy, good for you, then don't touch that shit. You can be grateful for what you have. Sincere gratulations! But what I'm trying to say is, asking the dumb questions and having to learn everything by yourself is humiliating. It's also exhausting. Sometimes you will have to fight the adults in your life for what you really need when they try to give you what they *think* a normal kid needs. You are not a normal kid. You need extra stuff. Why do YOU have to do everything by yourself out of all people? WHY YOU? WHY MEEE? I have no idea. It doesn't make sense. It's so unfair. All I can tell you is that things immediately get better for you the moment you stand up for yourself and take responsibility. It's okay to whine. Just get to doing something about it while you're at it. Listen, I love you, but you HAVE to.

This I can't say from personal experience, but apparently, having animals/pets and engaging in sports helps some people. Small things I've noticed are that basking in the sun feels like a hug. Walking barefoot as often as possible connects you to the earth. It's very grounding. Everything from the night stars to the glistening water to the soft blades of grass is there to love you and for you to feel safe under. Mountain ridges and beloved cityscapes are things for my eyes to hold on to when the abyss gets bottomless and the void unbearable.

Take things as slow as you need to. Don't beat yourself up for not developing or understanding things as fast as your peers, - they get the luxury of being inherently taught by the mere existence of their parents - you don't. You're a warrior. You're a survivor. You are busy reconnecting your family line to the future which was severed by the disappearance of your og folks. You are literally carrying the load of two generations. Respect that. You will get to the same destinations as the others, just a whole lot slower. It's okay. Preserve your strength, take as many breaks as you need as you teach yourself to not just survive, but to genuinely thrive.

You will make it. You will make it. You will make it. You will make it. You will make it. You will make it. You will make it. You will make it.

You will make it.