#someone send this post to Francis Lawrence immediately

[fourteenacross]

prompt response: fake dating

Well, someone sent me a fake dating ask and somewhere between the drafts folder and hitting “post,” the entire thing just poofed out of existence. THANKS, TUMBLR. Luckily, I had the response saved in a google doc. So, sorry to the original asker, your exact request is lost to the whims of tumblr, but the general jist of it was Ham/Laurens fake-dating.

The idea that I had for this was immediately bigger than just a ficlet, cause for fake dating to be done to my satisfaction, it needs time to properly DEVELOP. So this is more along the lines of a “I’ll tell you about a fic I’m not writing” sort of thing than an actual ficlet--my apologies.

*

Alex and John are part of the same friends group in New York, a mish-mash of folks who went to college together, their friends who moved to the city after graduation, and other people who have been assimilated into the group over time. John was an early member of the group, one of the core folks who went to the same college, and Alex came along later, and even though they have the same sense of humor and attitude and interests, they've never been the closest of friends. They tend to have standalone crazy adventures in between seeing each other at group gatherings and talking on Twitter, but they don't go out regularly as friends.

They do, however, go out regularly as fake boyfriends.

The nature of Alex's job sometimes has him going semi-undercover to report on...I don't even know, this is a fantasy world where this is a regular thing that happens, okay? So he usually wants to bring a date, so there's someone else around to help him out if he gets in over his head or cause a distraction so he can do some snooping. Plus, he's much more inconspicuous with a date--no one brings a rando undercover with them and a couple wandering around and chatting with people looks much less odd than a single dude nosing around.

Anyway. John is usually his go-to for these occasions because a) he's one of their only friends who encourages these plans, b) he grew up very wealthy, so he knows the ins and outs of navigating the social mores of events like the ones Alex is usually trying to get into, but c) his dad, who would be known in these circles, is white, and people mistake the surname "Laurens" for "Lawrence" when spoken out loud often enough that he doesn't send up any red flags with folks who might know his family. And while John's not single, he's in a long distance relationship, so it's unlikely that someone will see him with someone else around town and think that something's up.

So this starts as just another one of those events--Alex is working on some political story and scores tickets to a big charity gala that's going to draw a lot of the folks he's investigating. He calls up John, who agrees to come with him, and they go to the party, just like any other evening. They're eating canapés and making small talk and then, someone to the right of them says, "John?!"

And John turns around and it's his fucking father.

And it's not UNREASONABLE that his father, a moderately high ranking member of the House of Representatives, would be present, but his dad usually only goes to things in Washington or South Carolina, and when he is in New York, he almost always gives John a call so they can have lunch or something.

So John's staring dumbfounded and Alex looks like a deer in headlights as the person they're chatting with says, "Oh, Laurens! Are you related?"

And Henry says, low-key offended-like, "Of course we're related, he's my son."

And the person gets all awkward about it--because they never in a million years would have pegged this Latino kid as Henry Laurens' son, despite knowing the back of their mind that he had married a Puerto Rican woman who passed away several years prior--and manages to stammer, "Well, I was just having a lovely conversation with him and his young man, Alexander, was it?"

And Henry raises an eyebrow and says, "Your 'young man'?"

And John says, "Uh...."

And Henry says, "Well, I must say, it's something of a relief. I tried not to comment on it--" A lie, he totally commented on it all the time. "--because I know you cared for him, but I never liked that Francis boy and your siblings and I all knew that he'd never actually emigrate to be with you."

Which is an uncomfortable moment because, obviously, John is still with Francis, though he's been starting to suspect the same thing after five years of long distance and vague promises that Francis is looking into moving, really, and also...well, he's not actually dating Alex.

But he can't give up the game, so he forces a smile and says, "Yeah, Francis and I ended things and, uh, this thing with Alex is pretty new."

Alex is doing complicated math in his head and manages to read the situation well enough to put on his best self-deprecating smile and offer his hand to Henry. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir, if a little earlier than expected." 

They make semi-awkward small talk for a few minutes while John is internally screaming, until Henry sees someone waving him down and excuses himself. But before he leaves, he says, "I imagine we'll talk more at Martha's wedding."

And John says, "Uh."

But Alex says, "I imagine we will. I look forward to it, Congressman Laurens."

And then he's gone and John quickly excuses them from the other poor soul stuck in conversation with them to drag Alex to the bar.

"That could have gone worse," Alex says.

"Alex, I cannot lie to my father," John says gravely as the bartender pours him a whiskey. "And I don't mean because of my moral character or something, I mean because he always finds out. He has a sixth sense for it. I'm surprised he hasn't already called me out on it. Fuck."

"Well, it's not like, long-term lying," Alex says. "He'll be back in South Carolina soon and then it'll just be the weekend of your sister's wedding. Which is, what, like, two months away?"

"I'm going for a long weekend!" John says. "Thursday to Sunday!"

"It'll be fine," Alex insists. "We'll get through the weekend and then a couple weeks later you can tell him we've broken up and then we can move on with our lives. It's not like we're not good at acting coupley." He takes John's already half-finished glass from him and drinks from it, as if to illustrate his point. John snatches it back.

"This is going to explode in our faces," John warns him. "I should just go alone and say we broke up."

"You wanted to bring one of us anyway because you got a plus one and Francis wouldn't come and you didn't want to go alone," Alex reminds him. "You were just bitching about it in the group chat. Mattie and I both volunteered. I'll go, it'll be fine."

John is pretty sure it won't be fine, but he also knows that this isn't the time to have this argument. Alex is here for work reasons and this is all just a distraction, so he muscles up and downs the rest of his drink and sighs and says, "We can talk about it later. Let's get back to your thing."

They don't exactly get back to it later. Alex heads home after the party to write and they don't get a chance to see each other again until Mattie's birthday brunch the next weekend, when Alex gleefully tells the story to all their friends. Mattie, who knows John's family, finds the whole thing fucking hilarious and everyone else is pretty amused as well. John brings up that they need to figure out what to do about the whole mess, and their friends high-key pressure them into going to the wedding and pretending to be a couple. Some of them because they think it's hilarious, but Mattie and Ned and a couple others are of the mind that they would make a really good couple and Francis is fucking toxic and maybe this will give them a little push towards each other.

At this point, there are seven weeks left until the wedding, which seems like forever, but they figure the best way to play this game is to make it as close to the truth as possible, so they start hanging out together a little more than usual. John keeps going to Alex's work shit with him, but they also hang out on the weekends and go to shows together and do other dumb coupley things. Alex takes John to a lecture that he sleeps through and John takes Alex on a bike ride outside of the city that nearly kills him. They text a lot more too, making up elaborate stories for how they got together. They've already decided to essentially tell the truth once removed--that they were friends and John kept being Alex's plus-one to work things and they realized they liked each other--but making up crazy stories has become a dumb game they play with each other, each playing off an element of the previous story to make a new one. So Alex will send John a message that says, "I used to be a lion tamer on the weekends and one of the lions got out and cornered you and I had to sweet talk it away from you, forever earning your love" and John will crack up and send back, "You fell into the lion enclosure at the zoo over a stupid dare and I helped fish you out right before the lions made a meal of you."

John's dad calls him a couple times during these seven weeks and it's surprisingly easy to lie to him, possibly because most of it isn't lies. He really did go to a concert this week and Alex really is taking him out to dinner tomorrow night and he really is looking forward to it. A lot, actually.

Which is something that John has been thinking about pretty seriously throughout this. He knows most of their friends and all of his family think Francis is a jerk. They met during John's study abroad during the fall semester of his senior year of college and started dating while he was over there. And then Francis came over and did a semester just outside of the city about a year later, after John had already graduated, meeting the proto-version of the gang for the first time. They were largely unimpressed, and get more and more unimpressed as time goes on and Francis visits less and less and his excuses for not coming back get weaker and weaker. And, honestly? Part of him already knows and has already accepted that this isn't going to work out. Despite all of Francis' promises in the first year and a half they were together, he's never going to move to New York. He's never going to prioritize John. And that's something that John has to think about. 

Alex, meanwhile, has always had kind of a thing for John. A friend-crush. He never thought about it hard or seriously--he wasn't pining--because John was already in a relationship when they met, so the idea to think about John as a potential partner literally never occurred to him. It's hard not to think about it now, though. They're doing all this dumb couple stuff together and the dispassionate, logical part of his mind is pointing out that they are extremely compatible as a couple. Schedule-wise, temperament-wise, personality-wise, they work on a lot of levels. John is also hot and funny and just...it feels good. It feels good to be around him.

Which is kind of a bummer. Because, odds are, it'll stop after the wedding. They'll still be friends, sure, but Alex will miss all this extra-curricular hanging out they've been doing. Even the stupid shit like hiking and bike rides--he has to admit that the middle part, the part between hiking to a spot and hiking back, was kind of nice. Alex doesn't get out of the city much, and hanging out on the top of a mountain, sprawled in the sun and talking to John about nothing much in particular, had been the first time in a long time that his brain felt really...quiet.

But they'll still be friends. And maybe they can still have the occasional, intentional one-on-one friend hangout, instead of just the shenanigans that they accidentally get up to when they're the only two people interested in one local event or another.

He resolves to take advantage of this last week and have as much fun as possible, a resolution that John is also making. One of two, actually. The other one is that John is gonna sit down next weekend, after the craziness of the wedding is behind them, and figure out what to do about Francis--what he wants to do about Francis, how to approach Francis about his desires, and what to do if (when) Francis' own desires are in direct conflict with them. He's not looking forward to it, thus the decision to enjoy himself and not think about it for a few days.

They get to South Carolina and John introduces Alex to everyone. He and Martha immediately get on like a house on fire, which is potentially going to be an issue in the future, but John tries to ignore it. They spend a couple days doing all sorts of pre-wedding stuff, Laurens-Ramsay family bonding activities that Martha and David have come up with. John and Alex score two definitive victories for the Laurens Family by dominating first at pub trivia and then at paintball. John is genuinely enjoying himself, catching up with his siblings and chatting with David's family. He and Alex have completely abandoned the concept of personal space, which he figures makes them look pretty coupley until Martha pulls him aside as he heads to change for the rehearsal dinner.

"I know I told you that David's family is old school Southern," she says, "but I didn't mean--they're not like...homophobic. David has a couple gay cousins. It's cool."

"I...didn't think they were?" John says, which is not strictly true--some of the Ramsays have certainly made some under-their-breath comments, but some of John's extended family does the same thing. He's used to it.

"I just mean, you and Alex don't have to be chaste around them or anything."

John blinks at her. "We...what?"

Martha is blushing a little. "You can kiss him! Is what I mean! You don't have to, like...hide it or anything."

Kissing Alex hadn't occurred to him.

"Oh," John says. "Uh. Good to know."

He's still thinking about the conversation as he wanders upstairs. It must be clear on his face, because the first thing Alex does when he walks into their room is ask what's wrong.

"Nothing," John says. "Just...Martha pulled me aside to say none of the relatives will make a big fuss, so it's okay for us to kiss."

"Is it?" Alex asks seriously. He's half in his dress shirt, a curious expression on his face. "I just mean, I don't want to get you into trouble with Francis."

John considers it for a moment as he pulls off his t-shirt and looks through his garment bag for a shirt.

"I think it's fine," he concludes. "I mean, nothing that happens in front of my family at a wedding reception is gonna be too intense and I kiss Mattie all the time and Francis doesn't care." Mattie is, of course, both a girl and a lesbian, but in theory that shouldn't matter.

"Good to know," Alex says, and moves into the bathroom to do his hair.

And the rehearsal dinner is fine and the morning of the ceremony is fine. It becomes second nature to lead Alex around with a hand on the small of his back or let himself be led with a hand on his elbow. They rib each other affectionately and socialize with family and even kiss a few times. They're chaste kisses, sweet and quick, the kind of comfortable kisses you give someone you've known forever. They're good kisses, too, quick as they are, and even though he's not supposed to think about it until next weekend, he can't help compare them to Francis, who never kisses him casually because he's never casually around.

John cries all through the ceremony and Alex only makes fun of him a little. And at the reception, they dance together and with everyone else. When Martha is dancing with John, she says, "You know, I really like Alex. I tried to be chill about Francis, but he always seemed like kind of a jerk, and I hated that he kept stringing you along with promises of moving to New York. Plus, I only saw you guys together that one time, but it seemed so stilted. You and Alex are already so comfortable, it just makes me happy to see it."

"Thanks," John says. "I like him a lot."

He's not surprised at all, at this point, to realize he's telling the truth.

Towards the end of the reception, the two of them end up out on a balcony, the pounding music of the dance floor making their ears ring the moment it's muffled behind the french doors. Alex collapses onto a bench and John sits next to him.

"Man, your family knows how to party," Alex says. "I've never been to a wedding like this before."

"Yeah, it's pretty typical of heterosexual weddings where money is involved," John says. "I'd almost forgotten that not everyone has hipster DIY queer weddings in botanical gardens and apple orchards."

"Well, it's a good thing we're not really dating because I don't know if I could survive planning a wedding like this," Alex says.

John tilts his head up, staring up at the sky. There are so many more stars here than in New York. "Is it, though?"

"Is what?" Alex asks.

"Is it good we're not dating?" He looks away from the sky and over at Alex. "Sorry, I just keep thinking about how much I like you and it sucks that I'm dating someone else."

Alex is quiet for a moment. "It does suck that you're dating someone else," he agrees. "I like you too."

"I don't want to be the type of guy who dumps someone because he's met someone else," John says. "But our relationship is already pretty garbage. But it's also possible I'm just looking for excuses to justify it to myself, you know?"

"In my experience," Alex says, "if you're actively looking for reasons to justify breaking up with someone, you probably want to break up with them either way. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who's only with them because they can't come up with a good reason not to be."

"I'm not really like that, I swear," John says, flushing with guilt. 

"No, I know," Alex says. He looks over at John and grins. "And I can't pretend I'm being objective when I offer you that advice, so."

And John thinks about meeting Francis and those first tentative days together, feeling each other out. He thinks about how the giddy rush of a new relationship faded almost instantly into the nagging anxiety that John would be leaving the country soon. He's never felt comfortable with Francis the way he already feels comfortable with Alex. He never had this easy intimacy. And it's no one's fault--maybe if he stayed in the UK or Francis made good on his promises to come to New York, things would have been different, but it's hard to build that comfort over text and skype, and these days they barely manage that.

He makes a decision a week earlier than he intended, and he kisses Alex.

It's not a chaste kiss. It's not lewd, but there's intent. There's passion and affection, it's a kiss that's a kiss, not a greeting or farewell or absent moment of acknowledgement. John kisses Alex the way he would have if this had been a normal date, if they had been out together and had this much fun and mutually expressed an intent to do it again. He kisses Alex like he wants it to be the start of something more.

And Alex kisses back.

They pull back, both of them grinning, though Alex is a bit dazed. John pulls out his phone and checks the time and swears under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Alex asks.

"It's the middle of the night in London, I can't call Francis and break up with him."

"Just to be clear," Alex says. "That means we're gonna date, right?"

"Yes, genius, that means we're gonna date," John says, grinning, and Alex just leans forward and kisses him again.

John should probably feel worse about the kissing, but so far it's just kissing and it's hard to feel connected to Francis and the tattered remains of their relationship when Alex is here with him, having spent weeks showing more interest in John's life than Francis has since they were twenty-three.

And John doesn't intend for them to just full-on make out at his sister's wedding, but the next thing he knows, his little brother Harry is saying, "John, are you--oh shit!"

John pulls away from Alex, guilty for half a dozen reasons, only some of which make sense.

"Um," he says. 

"Sorry," Harry says. "I just--um. Martha wants a cousins picture with Nana before Aunt C takes her home?"

"Right," John says. "Um--"

"I'll be here when you're done," Alex tells him, and then lifts his hand off of John's upper thigh--and when had that happened--and John stumbles back into the party.

They take the cousins picture and then they take a dozen more family pictures, even though they did posed paragraphs before and after the ceremony. And when John goes to find Alex, he's not out on the balcony, but waiting at the table with a drink.

"I know we should talk more," he half-shouts over the music, "but I figure we came here to enjoy the party, so we might as well do that while we can."

Which seems like a good plan, so they toast and dance some more and flood the wedding hashtag with stupid pictures and dance the last dance and then stumble onto the hotel shuttle, arm and arm. They're tipsy when they get back to their room and half-undress before collapsing onto the bed, lying side-by-side and staring at each other.

"We should talk," John says.

"Yeah," Alex says. "Totally."

"We can't have sex until I break up with Francis," John says.

"I'm 100% with you," Alex says. 

"I don't cheat," John says.

"I wouldn't never think that," Alex says.

"But is it really cheating if the only reason we haven't broken up yet is that he's asleep?"

"I mean, I'm staying neutral in this decision, but it's just a few hours."

They're both quiet for a moment.

"Maybe we can just make out for a while?" John suggests. "I'm pretty tired anyway. And I haven't had sex with another person in two years, so that feels like a lot to process tonight anyway."

"I am definitely on board with this plan," Alex says.

So they do that. And it gets maybe a little heavier than either of them intend, but their hands stay above the waist, John's arbitrary definition of what's acceptable and what isn't, and they eventually fall asleep.

John gets up super early the next morning, first because he's in a weird place and he has to pee, but once he's up and takes his phone and goes out into the hallway and calls Francis. And they have a very short, awkward conversation where Francis first thinks that John is breaking up with him because he saw on social media he's been hanging out a lot with some guy, but John clarifies that he met someone else. Francis tries to be indignant about this for approximately five seconds before John reminds him that he literally just basically admitted to doing the same thing, and Francis concedes.

When John goes back into the hotel room, Alex is half awake and watching him from the very inviting looking bed. John holds his phone up for Alex to see.

"I broke up with Francis," he says.

"Then take off your pants," Alex says, and John bursts out laughing and pounces on him.

And John thinks a lot about growing up and relationships and figuring out who you are. He can't help but keep comparing his relationship to Francis to this new thing with Alexander--it's the only other relationship of his adult life--but it's not the same thing, not at all. He's not sure if the physical distance caused the emotional distance or just kept them mired in a false sense of intimacy, but it was never like this. It was never this easy and fun, because when it started John was twenty-three and a nervous mess trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. Now that he's older and settled and confident, it's easier to put his guard down around Alex. It's easy to let himself have this, fun and simple and freeing.

Of course, he doesn't really think about all of that until later, because first they have sex. Twice. And when they go down for brunch later that morning, he's positive they look entirely fucked out and overly pleased with themselves, but they're hardly the only couple with that glow, so the comments are raised eyebrows are minimal.

They spend their last couple days in South Carolina alternately hanging out with John's family and stealing time away because they can't keep their hands off of each other. Which is also a problem the next day on the flight back to New York and then on the cab ride to John's apartment. It's less of a problem once they're inside John's apartment, for the most part--the gentleman forced to ride the elevator with them, for example, might not agree. 

Later in the afternoon, when they've graduated to the cuddling and take-out portion of the day, talking endlessly about themselves and their lives and their hopes for the future, John gets a text from his dad. It says, It was pleasant to meet Alexander. He has potential. I hope we'll be seeing more of him.

("Wow," John says, "I think you might already be my dad's favorite of the various siblings' partners. You might even give me enough clout to knock me up from last place on the list of his favorite kids, even."

"I'm irresistible," Alex says, and John doesn't give him the pleasure of admitting that yes, he is.)

You definitely will, he types back to his dad, filled with a breathless sort of joy that it's no longer a lie.

***

Will this ever be a full story? Who knows. I contain multitudes.