#someone convince me not to or smth
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Currently fighting the urge to just
💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊
down the hatch
(-Blurry)
#someone convince me not to or smth#The Hellish Collective!#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative system#did system#did alter#did osdd#system#did#system stuff#traumagenic system#actually did
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i cannot stop thinking abt zoro learning to roll sanji's cigarettes for him bc he notices how sanji will scrub his hands raw to get the heavy tobacco smell off before he cooks
#zosan#like nothing will ever convince me zoro isnt a silent observer/acts of service kinda guy w ppl he cares abt#see also sanji secretly loving zoros hands smelling of tobacco#not just bc the smell is comforting#but bc it's a constant reminder of someone caring abt him enough to do smth that gains them absolutely nothing just bc it makes Him happy
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it's quite ironic bc i Know of a lot of games/anime but i actually hardly play/watch any of them myself these days LMFAO. unless you count the occasional letsplay watch of games...
a friend asked me what games i've played recently, and i think abt how the only game i have downloaded on my is literally just sudoku AKLSJDAH
#i DO like keeping up tho. i think i just psyche myself out in getting too invested in hobbies bc i convinced myself#i need 2 constantly be doing smth productive#ig bc i dont rly have the time to get invested in long games these days#it's much easier for me to Watch/listen someone play a game bc i can multitask doing other things#when i 'play a game' it's moreso to just pass the time
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the new little slips of emotion from chihiro ouughghghgh
#kagurabachi#kagurabachi posting#i just love the tiny subtleties hes showing now post-auction#my ultimate want is some slice of life where char convinces chihiro to do smth with her#and hes just blank faced but with a small happy blush that conveys hes having a fun time once someone approaches him to ask what hes doing-#w/char#like mayb shes doing his makeup/face paint or his hair or smth silly like that#i just love this boy so much man#i never thought id get THIS attached but here we are#thank u kagurabachi redditors for being appreciative of bl artists leading to me getting into kagurabachi
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that thing people do where they write essays and post book quotes to prove how hot their favorite fictional little girl of choice is but it's me pulling out receipts of everytime joffrey and tommen are described with long beautiful curls bc someone said they 'canonically have fuckass bobs' and I'm drawing them wrong
#.txt#funniest vague of all time actually. I love the effort to make it customized. throw my meowmeows in there. unfortunately it is inaccurate ☝#'but in the canon art-' only the books are canon actually 🤓#WHAT canon art girl they're all inconsistent. oh no jaime was drawn with straight hair once guess he doesn't have curls anymore#over the costume tweet btw. still#someone convinced that I was bashing artists clapping back by. bashing my art. if I had a nickel for everytime that happened i'd have 2 etc#also said smth about how I can't draw the targs in byzantine fashion bc they reigned for 280 years. what#'ugh stop telling people what to draw 🙄 anyway tudor targs are in the True Canon art so they're the Correct interpretation'#not even fully true btw bc the 'canon art' also has them in medieval/vague fantasy fashion. it's really not consisntent#I never even brought up canon. or what people should draw in their fanart girl that was all YOU lmao#and to be wrong about it on top of that. embarassingggg#vagueing again sorry throw me in posting jail. but like they vagued first let me petty
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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One thing no one could never ever make me insecure about again is my stretch marks. Like, it’s natural art on my skin that’s so cool
#I used to hate them but now I think they’re seriously so pretty#idk why this is my second body positivity post in 2-3 days#just a coincidink#but like really I think they’re lowkey hot#if I see someone with them in public I can’t help but stare they’re just so pretty like what😭#wdym our skin does that it’s cool asf#this and beauty marks they’re just so so so gorgeous#omg and birth marks too those are the coolest they’re so unique and it’s as if you’re designer or smth#oh and about the stretch marks I hated them until I read kotlc in fifth grade and Biana had some quote about scars#and I just went welp nvm they’te not worth hating#thank you Biana#biana vacker#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#body positive#stretch marks#they’re hot asf#you can’t convince me otherwise#random post#positivity#mental positive attitude#love your body#be grateful for it#birth marks
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height chart/character sheet for all of the main tma cast feat. my headcanons (and misconceptions about canon desc. O_O) of them
and an extra georgie <3
#if you havent seen my melanie post i was for some reason convinced that melanie was a canonical black woman#and that she was described as a ''shorter black woman with short curly hair'' which is smth that never happened lol#so thats the misconception that influenced melanie's design#but also i like how her being a black woman adds to her whole character of ''someone passed over and dismissed and met with hostility-#-before she can even show others what kind of person she is''#anyways heights bc thats why i made this:#daisy and tim: around 5'8#jon and melanie: around 5'1#martin: around 6'#basira and georgie: around 5'11#martin: 6'#sasha and elias: around 6'5#im not v good with heights bc i myself and very small.... but i tried to make it make sense#i love georgie she is literally everything to me <3#everyone else is in everyday attire and georgies just chilling in her pyjamas. im in love with her#i wanted to put gertrude and helen on here too but i didnt have time :(#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#timothy stoker#sasha james#elias bouchard#melanie king#basira hussain#daisy tonner#🤢 sorry i dont like her#georgie barker#my art
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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posting this here bc the normies on tiktok would give me a thousand bogus comments if i said this on one of his videos, but i need to share this theory i have.
that geoguessr guy has gotta be some sort of psychic, whether he’s clairsentient or whichever clair he’s getting the info from…. i’m sorry there’s just no way u can see a patch of dirt and accurately “guess” the exact 50 mile radius of some tiny remote island. half the time he doesn’t even KNOW before he “guesses” he’ll be like “idk for some reason i’m just feeling this vicinity but i’ve never seen this before” and then ur telling me he gets it right every single time? without even being confident in his knowledge? my guy. the statistics for correctly guessing flew out the window a long time ago. u are psychic
#actually the thing that convinces me most is how little he thinks about it before picking#as someone who is a little bit psychic and relies mostly on clairsentience. the way i practice is by Not Thinking#let’s say someone is trying to make me guess what number they’re thinking of or smth#if i stop to think about it or use logic in any way… i’ll get it wrong bc the odds of correctly ‘guessing’ are very slim#if i don’t think At All and act purely on instinct i’ll get it right almost every time#the way he looks at it for half a second and seems to know immediately EXACTLY where it is…..#that’s not. like that’s not how that works. even if u were a genius u would take a moment to study the clues to make an accurate hypothesis#he doesn’t even KNOW how he’s getting it right half the time and that’s what sold me
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A: I love you. B: I don't believe you. A: I’m sorry you don't believe me. B: I’m sorry you can’t convince me.
#idk#just something i thought of#it irks me when people in movies or books or smth#say i dont believe you when someone else says i love you#and then its their fault#like no#convince them you love them better#writer#reader#books
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whats up w american poc in online spaces talking ab how great western hegemony/US imperialism is and when u call them white (bec how am i supposed to know this idiot's ethnicity) theyre like "well actually!! 🤓☝️ im black" like ok bitch ur still speaking the white man's tongue so idgaf
#thinking ab that black girl on twt who said she wouldnt boycott starbucks bc 'those ppl in the desert be figthing over water every few year'#like okaur queen the only real diff between u and a racist maga redneck is the colour of ur skin but u still white on the inside#and its always just american pocs im ngl ive never come across european pocs say this shit either#not just black ppl i mean all pocs like even pakistani americans out here w the most braindead takes like just say youve internalised#white supremacy and are convinced that ur ancestors were lsoers and the white colonizers were so smart and amazing thats why they genocided#ur people#its absolutely insane like what is in the air in the united states of america pray tell#me critiquing someone's imperialist take on twitter#them: im arab#ok? u still the white man's dog. go read the wretched of the earth or smth#rant#death to america
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#very paranoid thought but i’m slowly becoming convinced that my manager is beefing w me or smth but won’t let me on to it#bc they’re changing the shifts the whole time && i’ve had no opens in like 2wks#&& ik that slowly fucking w someone’s hours & refusing to say anything directly is SO his game but i’ve also not worked w him in like a#*month so i’ve no clue#ppp#was telling one of the guys abt the mfa thing & he was like ‘oh well like yk. don’t let it fuck w ur mental health’#& i was like huh?? bc i’d honestly been thinking of it as a chance to rly justify quitting rather than having any intention of staying &#doing both at the same time - but since that’s in my head now i can’t let go of it#idk. if it’s shit enough i’m gonna quit pre-christmas. no interest in doing that again#but i also got told i was paro for thinking that i’d jumped up in the TL possibilities bc someone else had fallen out of favour#& that was 1/2 true ! if only a month earlier than anything happening
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this brain o' mine sure works hard to invent new shit for me to feel guilty about
#p#aldjddjdkhdk#or i Assume most of em are like irrational n stupid but who can say kinda.#oh n different from shame where this is like convincing me it is smth bad/shitty of me yknow#idk it's different to meee#ive noticed i always feel this if im doing good n someone else i care abt isnt#orrrr hmm. i guess w the way ppl talk abt fiction on here its not that crazy that i have issues#liking characters who are bad ppl sometimes#off the top of my head ^#anyway its fine ur fine 👍👍 (@me)
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*gets possessed* okay anyways
#do i even tag this with the rw tags#it's been like. a long time.#uuh y'know what i'll just do like. 2 tags#rainworld oc#iterator oc#this was supposed to me a small simple thing it STARTED with the doodle on the left and. um.#when ur gf gets infected with an uncurable illness that completely cuts off any sort of connection she has with you and her other friends-#and you know she's slowly dying because her last words were trying to tell you to keep yourselves safe and you want to save her so so badly-#but the only cure is her dying and you'd only just managed to convince her to live and now she's going to be gone long before you-#when it was supposed to be the other way around. even if the two of you were working together to change that before everything went wrong#anyways i'm normal i'm so normal abt them. shout out to woemn and also nonbiny people#sorry if the text is hard to read if someone needs me to type it out or smth just tell me 👍
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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