#sobbing is this autism

[reinafish]

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE ELSE IS LIKE THIS

WHEN I LEAVE MY EYEBROWS ALONE FOR TOO LONG WITHOUT THEM MOVING THEY FEEL WEIRD AND I HAVE TO MOVE THEM AND ONCE I DID THAT AND MY TEACHER THOUGHT I HAD A HEADACHE OR SMTH

NO MY EYEBROWS JUST FELT WEIRD

IDK WHY??? I CANT FIND ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET HELP ME

[erimelodii]

i shed so many tears over him

[thatdepressedturtle]

WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME THAT EYE-CONTACT ISNT STARING INTO SOMEONES SOUL THROUGH THEIR EYES, AND ITS ATCUALLY JUST LOOKING AT SOMEONES FACE?

DUDE HAVE I BEEN SCARING PEOPLE MY WHOLE LIFE?

( Sad and confused autistic noises )

[deadtiredghost]

SO I just wrote a massive post about Raph and what I think of his character across the various itterations, and I mentioned that I see myself in Raph - especially 12!Raph. But also 18!Leo. So I made these.

[calico-cow]

Tumblr girlies I fear I’ve made the most devastating audio known to man

I heard “Villain and violent, infant and innocent” and thought of them😞

[thermodynamic-comedian]

tim called elias useless and a waste of a suit as an insult but somehow i feel like he would interpret that as a compliment. he would be like thank you tim that's exactly what i was going for :3

[radiocrypt-id]

God I relate to Evan Kelmp on such a deep level. I, too, say and do vastly unsettling things due to a life lived unsafely. I, too, upon getting my hands on some decent money for the first time, bought a good pair of boots and religiously cared for them. I carried a knife or a chain wherever I went, just in case. I had my life in a bag on my back, just in case. I feel such a deep attachment to my home, but am always prepared to lose it. I am always thinking of the worst possible way things could go, so I'm prepared, but am always delighted when things go well instead. I adore the people I love, I hold on with claws, and even when they hurt me, I let it go over and over and over, because I love them; and I would die for them, if they asked. I, too, would lose myself in the mindless violence of stomping out a creature formed punching bag, where it is morally fine to do so, and I could do so freely. I, too, hold so much rage in my soul at the pure injustice of the world, of my life, that I am burning from the inside out; and I too, choose to be kind and patient first, because god I wish someone would have done that for me.

I never expected another season of Misfits and Magic, but fuck am I glad it's here. My weird little bird facts guy, who survived by clawing his way through hell, I love you Evan Kelmp, and your uncomfortable last name.

[dailydikke]

Day 44

(click/open for better quality)

[titan-god-helios]

ahAh and the disability disabled me again !!

[theauthorinaugust]

My worst fear is waking up one day and finding out that Erik has joined tumblr

[coffinkissez]

pt two to this post

[purplehalnw]

The fandom always says that Percy's favorite movie is The Little Mermaid or Finding Nemo. Well I call bullshit. No matter what anyone says I know that Percy's favorite movie is Lilo & Stitch.

Look me in the eye and tell me that you cannot imagine little Percy constantly rewatching this movie about a definitely autistic girl who is perceived as "weird" by everyone around her and has to watch the adult figure in her life struggle to keep them afloat but has everything turn out fine for her in the end when she gets a new found family including people who are just as "weird" as she is.

Seriously, try to tell me that this wouldn't become Percy's favorite movie of all time.

[vampireistic]

AVENTURINE CHARACTER ANALYSIS

★ with some aventio analysis too !

CW: this is aventurine we’re speaking about so; mentions of suicide, gambling, massive spoilers

ps. i’m a massive dumbass that still to this day doesn’t fully understand the penacony lore so i’ll most definitely miss things out, my bad.

Watching everyone around you die out while you are forced into living because of a God blessing you with their rainy tears really presents the duality between a blessing and a curse. Really makes you wonder if luck even existed or does experiencing constant suffering and finding a string of hope make you blind to the true nature of your condition. Are you truly fortunate, or are you merely trapped in a cycle of endless grief masked by moments of fleeting hope?

CHARACTER DESIGN

Aventurine’a design is a reflection of who he is; wealthy, confident, flamboyant and so on and so forth. More importantly, though, his design is meant to reflect his desire to be seen as well as his use as just a mere pawn. His design and character are very reminiscent that of peacocks (a design choice rather common with characters who gamble) — peacocks are known and praised for their distinctive beauty as well as their worth.

This also means that they’re a massive target for collectors meant to serve as a person’s trophy; a similar way as to how Aventurine is quite literally a slave, his extravagance meant to pale his vulnerability. This Sigonian trophy has now become a pawn for the Stonehearts (IPC), his design is almost like a branding for him (even more so than the actual mark on his neck), it’s a reminder that he’s going to forever remain someone else’s property. The collar around his neck is meant to serve as a similar reminder.

His lavish design could be seen as a way to distract from his lack of freedom. The more extravagant he appears, the more people focus on his outer beauty rather than the fact that he is, essentially, a prisoner.

HIS TRAUMA / LORE

Aventurine’s relationship with his family has always intrigued me. He absolutely loved them to his core, and they loved him completely back in turn; sounds rather perfect, right? But I can’t help but feel like them drilling into his head that he was the gem of their home, that he would bring them to victory even as a sole survivor — he was their lucky charm. Sure, at the time it probably didn’t mean too much since he was a child and understood that these were words said in desperate times, but now as he’s older? Those words haunt him once again — I mean, it’s literally one of the many reasons he has survivors guilt.

It was actually a little difficult to categorise Aventurine into an attachment style (a template for how a child will most likely act like in the future) because his relationship with his family isn’t really shown all too specifically, or at least specifically enough to understand how he truly feels about them. All I can go off of is his devotion, therefore I can vaguely assume he would have an avoidant attachment style.

Given the way he was treated as someone “treasured” or “superior”, Aventurine has developed avoidant tendencies as a way to cope with the pressure and isolation of his status. He might distance himself emotionally from others, preferring to maintain a facade of independence and self-reliance rather than risk vulnerability.

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due."

Finally, the person in front of him turns around. The distant skyscraper reflects a kaleidoscope of colors like an opal stone, while a music box plays on its own.

"But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

────────────────────────

This man is quite literally so suicidal. Pretty obvious, I think anyone could pick that up from the fact he outwardly admits in the Penacony quest that he “attempted multiple times” in the dream world, which of course led to nothing. He’s so desperate, weak, and afraid. He’ll try anything even if he knows the final outcome is more than likely futile.

As soon as he’s allowed a little bit of freedom, his first instinct is to off himself. Perhaps that’s also just a showcase that he cannot handle the idea of his own autonomy and that’s unfortunately quite common with victims of abuse; when given freedom, they don’t understand what to do with it. It’s like freeing an orphaned deer from an animal trade…whats it’s use now that it doesn’t have anyone controlling it?

Aventurine’s duality may be a form of dissociation, a psychological coping mechanism where he separates his true self from the persona he has been forced to adopt. The “peacock” persona becomes a mask that he wears, allowing him to navigate a world where he is constantly objectified and used.

However, despite his innate survivors guilt and this want for an escape, he refuses to actually die without trying to avenge his home.

────────────────────────

Immediately after gaining a sense of agency and somewhat power, he seeks for some form of closure. He’s obviously still very determined, in this way, he’s regaining that form of liberty by using his new role to his advantage despite it clearly weighing the IPC down (that alone is purposeful, he’s a pawn for them because it’s also convenient for him).

RELATIONSHIPS (slash aventio :3)

Now I utterly hate Jade — to me, she feels like a very lazily written antagonist/villainous character, and even if she had good aspects to her, it’s completely overshadowed by the fact she’s clearly marketed as just another “dom mommy” (believe me i cringed there too). One thing I’ll praise her for is the relationship she creates with the other Stoneheart’s members — it’s disgustingly manipulative and I love it.

To Jade, Aventurine and Topaz are two sides of the same coin, similar yet vastly different. Both of them are of course beneficial to the IPC, yet if a moment arose to be replaced, she wouldn’t hesitate to backstab Aventurine over Topaz, he’s a speck of dirt on their shoulders and too much of a burden.

More specifically; the only way Jade cares For Aventurine is the same way you’d care for a weapon, you wouldn’t want it to get damaged but there’s always the option to replace it if it does. Have you seen that post where it, to simplify, stated “love but in the way a wolf loves the sheep it herds”, that’s basically the entire dynamic between all the Stoneheart’s, however it’s evident Aventurine is a black lamb.

Outside of Aventurine’s acquaintances of convenience born purely from the notion of gaining something in return, Aventurine truly has one person who’s willing to stick to his dumbassery through thick and thin: Dr Ratio.

Firstly, these two clearly mimic the dynamic between Kaveh and Alhaitham and I find myself slowly just loving their trope even more heavily — a man who thrives off the intangible for the sake of success with a man who’s entire life focuses on logic, reason and book smarts. Throughout the entire segment where the pair are about to meet with Sunday and commit to the most dramatic ass lion king esque betrayal scene, Dr Ratio is cautious. He has to make this betrayal look real, so he maintains this facade of indifference with all the quips and comments Aventurine says.

He does everything for the sake of Aventurine. This man quite literally can’t look at Aventurine after he plays the part of a betrayer because he can’t imagine himself actually doing such a thing. Does he trust Aventurine? Yeah, sure, but he still leaves Aventurine with a heartfelt note that he specified he should read in his last moments:

“Do stay I alive. I wish you the best of luck.”

Dr Ratio is one of the first people to acknowledge Aventurine’s vulnerability and doesn’t exploit it, instead choosing to console him. In a way, it’s actually a little sweet that Dr Ratio thought of a scenario where Aventurine’s godly luck ran out, it shows he views him as a person who’s gained the knowledge he has, and not just a pawn who’s been polished into a gem.

cute dividers: strangergraphics

art: amosprinz

this is a little less analytical and more so rambly than i would’ve preferred, but i also just wanted to give people the opportunity to yap and talk about aventurine and the penacony lore in general. feel free to share whatever thoughts you have on this d(^_^o)

[meichenxi]

'successful' adult audhd looks like being ecstatically happy because you could help an elderly man who speaks very little english prepare for his immigration appointment in a language that you speak because you were obsessed with that gay necromancy show four years ago. and also you know ridiculous amounts of procedural/legal terminology becaues of nirvana in fire

and then coming home to your flat and crying because 'did you-' no. 'okay no worries but did you -' no I forgot. 'I told you yesterday so did you-' no I don't remember. 'but I already put it - ' yeah I forgot. also the calendar means nothing to me. 'so can I remove the-' no I still need the post-it note to tell me how to use the dishwasher please don't remove it please. yes I've lived here for several months

[starryjoy]

we don't talk enough about "thing that has been your special interest for 14 years and you know absolutely everything about it and you love watching other people experience it but actually experiencing it yourself makes you feel awful because no matter what it is not anywhere near as good as you wish it was"

[autisticlalna]

i am Always thinking about Sapphire and Navigator's first conversation.

i already talked about how the "I missed talking to you." bit hurts, but then the conversation turns to this and. augh. especially now with the information about why Sapphire got trapped in the time loop in the first place. it's not just that Sapphire can't leave, it's that they're not allowed to leave. they can't come home.

i miss these two so much :(

this is a screenshot redraw! original screenshot(s) under cut

god the lava farm is a pain in the ass to draw when you're speed-drawing.i didn't feel like trying to give the lava proper texturing, sorry :,) but. man. i love how this scene is framed in Ruby's pov. clocktower you will always be my favorite tsmp lore stream i think