#so the sexy quote doesn’t really work but I needed to reference be more chill lol

[juniperhillpatient]

I figure, you always see sexy cats, but no one ever goes as a sexy dog

low effort ouppy 🐶🥺

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[shyvioletcat]

Kingdom of Ash Tour Sydney

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry this took so long. My notes were much more extensive than I thought and then just a lot of poor time management. Anyway, here it is.

A few choice bits of information/quotes:

“Being a dork pays off you guys. Who knew?”

Says Melbourne like a local

Loves our coffee. Says she’s moving here because of it.

Advice to aspiring writers: find someone to share your work with. Giving and getting feedback teaches you so much. Gives you a form of community.

Got into writing because it’s what she loves and it makes her come alive like nothing else does.

Music plays a Huge part in her creative process

Daily writing schedule. Plays with Taran then about 930/10 she starts. Gets admin stuff done first 9-8 job.

Nothing compares to sitting down and writing a scene she’s wanted to write for years and years. Describes it as time stopping and the closest thing to magic, at least for her.

Had a question about her creative circle for bouncing ideas around and talking about her stories. Sarah didn’t talk to her family about her stories at all when she was younger. Doesn’t like her parents reading her books. She referred back to writing ACOTAR and she asked the audience “do you know what it’s like to write an on the page sex scene knowing my father was going to read this?” Said it took her about three glasses of wine to deal with it.

About her dad reading said scenes: He said “I just skip those scenes.” Sarah’s reply “I’ll do you one better. I’ll just rip those pages out.” Then she talked how it was much worse when ACOMAF came out the next year.

Josh has become her creative sounding board over the last few years. He reads the early drafts of Crescent City and lets Sarah ramble to him for hours. She thinks it’s really cute they get to do that.

He thinks he’s every love interest in all her books. At events people ask if he’s what Rhys was modelled from. Josh will say yes. Sarah was very adamantly said it was a no.

Fellow writers help her from looking like a complete idiot. In particular Lynette Noni. Calls her a secret Disney Princess. Has become her can’t live without critique partner.

She said don’t listen to the people who say writing is a dumb dream. But said it’s a long long road to getting published but not impossible. “Don’t ever listen to the haters man.”

Her parents were always incredibly supportive. Her mum would leave snacks outside her door so she wouldn’t disturb her while she wrote

When her parents told her that she needed a job to support herself Sarah didn’t want to listen. But she said they were ultimately right because there are no guarantees in publishing. One of her favourite moments is when she became a New York Times best seller and she got to call and tell her parents. The first thing her mum said was she regretted telling Sarah to be realistic about the expectations of yourself. But Sarah was adamant they were right.

She thanked us and got quite emotional. Thanked us for supporting her books, she was walking around Sydney harbour and thought to herself how lucky I am to do this for a living.

Someone from the audience screamed “I love you” she said “I love you too, I love you all so much” (insert my hysterical tears). She couldn’t express how much she appreciates everything we all have done for her and her family, the fact we have allowed her to live out her dreams. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this being the loveliest group of people I’ve ever had the honour to meet”. SHE LOVES US.

Crescent city

Doesn’t think her parents can read a single page of crescent city. Joking, it’s every other page. Started as excess creative energy, a real passion project. 

Describes it as taking the ToG/ACOTAR worlds and jumping ahead over 3000 years to where they have modern technologies and comforts. Magical creatures living together in complex hierarchies. Feels different because of the modern setting but has familiar aspects, e.g. snarky sassy heroines and brooding sexy muscled men. Says there are so many. So many.

Josh: “why are there so many attractive men in this book?” Sarah “because it’s a fantasy. FAN-TA-SY.”

No real defined plot yet.

Knew it was the story she wanted to tell because of an experience on a plane. Sarah was listening to a piece of music and saw a scene play out and she burst into tears. She didn’t know the characters or how they got there. The scene will be in the first book and is like THE MAJOR BIG SCENE. Kept thinking of that moment of creation and how much it overwhelmed her and that was the deciding factor that that was the next story she needed to tell.

World of Throne of Glass

World of Throne of Glass. Started off as an encyclopaedia. It will be a chronicle that exists in world and Sarah describes it like going into the library of Orynth and pulling it off the shelf. The premise of the book is that Aelin has hired this cranky old scholar to travel around all the kingdoms/continents and includes the travel logs, transcripts from interviews with the characters, insight into how they felt, letters between characters. The book itself is like the the Terrasen courts private copy so it has letters between characters. Glimpses into the future.

BUT THIS MEANS IT WILL COME OUT LATER

ALSO SAID THERE ARE POCKETS OF HISTORY SHE REALLY WANTS TO FILL IN AND THERE’S ALSO LOTS OF STORIES THAT MAYBE ONE DAY SHE MIGHT WANT TO TELL SHE JUST NEEDS TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. SORRY I’M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

Throne of Glass/ACOTAR

The idea of Throne of Glass came to her when she was 15/16 years old. Gripped her like no other story had. Throne of glass has a special place in her heart because it’s what started her on this journey.

Sarah was changing Kingdom of Ash right up the very last minute.

Mystery questions from the lobby:

What would happen if all your villains met?

The thought of Maeve and Amarantha gave her chills to think about. Would they rip each other to shreds or form and unholy alliance? Undecided.

Did you cry during the writing of the final book? If so which moments?

Number one scene. The Thirteen. 

Gave lots of details about when Manon first appeared, a piece of music from the Fright Night remake was playing and she saw the cottage scene play out. She saw Manon disembowel the farmers and how her teeth and claws came out and just thought “I love you”.

Loved witches since she was little because she realised witches were often women with power when women weren’t allowed to have power.

Sarah went to the mat for Manon. She hadn’t sold the rest of the books, only up to Heir of Fire. Writing about Manon gave Sarah her courage and came into her life when she needed her attitude. She said “Over my dead effing body” when editor said to cut Manon.

Sarah listened to a song from the original star wars and that was when she saw the sacrifice of the Thirteen. She needed to have Manon start where she did in Heir of Fire so when we all got to the scene in Kingdom of Ash is would really hit us strongly as it had hit Sarah for the first time. Sarah was sobbing at her desk when she saw them making their final run. She saw then Manon screaming and begging them to to stop because she realised she had a heart and loved them.

Sarah said she needed to lie down afterwards, she considered a happy ending for a moment, but then she thought about how the ladies never get to make the big heroic sacrifice and she really wanted the Thirteen to make the badass sacrifice and she wanted to make that moment when their exploding with light and not darkness absolutely destroyed Sarah.

Happier scene is the last goodbye between the main three, sobbing so hard. Really ugly crying not Frodo crying nicely at the end of The Return of the King, but bodily fluids spraying everywhere. So many tears.

Sarah would also get super amped up. Example: When Elide saves Lorcan she got so amped up she literally straddled her chair like she was riding a horse. (She re-enacted it on stage too). Then it was just more ladies were doing their badass thing like:

as Aelin flies down on the bird and explodes and destroys the wave and then Rowan is like that steam is going to boil every one like lobsters, got to get rid of that.

When Aelin makes her run and Lorcan sees her and he’s crying, you know if Lorcan’s crying some intense shit is going down

Then when Aelin is trying to get the mask off. That hit Sarah hit her so hard, didn’t expect it. Felt physically ill writing it. It was one of the few times Aelin was unhinged and in a panic. Seeing Aelin in a panic out Sarah in a panic.

Aelin has been like a person to Sarah and has carried Sarah through a lot of hard stuff. Sarah has said to herself “my name is Sarah J Maas and I will not be afraid”

Would say “What would Aelin do?” to give herself that swagger. Any time Aelin is in pain Sarah was in pain and would be like “My baby my baby! Let me help you”. 

Such a joy to write. Aelin was telling her and showing Sarah where to go.

ABOUT THE ENDING OF KINGDOM OF ASH: Travelling in Costa Rico to a rainforest exists at cloud level. (Side note from Sarah: Vote for the environment! Do it for the golden toad). One of the most beautiful places she has ever been. Sitting in the backseat listening to music from John Carter of Mars. Sun broke through the clouds and lit up the mountains and Sarah heard the last line of Kingdom of Ash about the kingsflame blooming and she knew what the last line was and that’s what she wanted to get to. She starting crying (surprise surprise) didn’t want to tell her travelling companions so she lied and said she was crying because the view was so beautiful. Writing with Aelin at the helm guaranteed her nothing. Aelin did it though, she stuck to Sarah’s plans and Sarah got the ending she wanted.

Call out from the audience about Gavriel. Uproar from the audience. “Why did you do that!?” “Why would I do that? Because I’m a horrible person.” Any time a hot guy full of muscles dies it’s a sad day. Poor Aedion. “It would have been so hot! Not in a weird way! The two of them hanging out, the lion and the wolf and oh my heart... you mean I have no heart, that’s what you’re thinking.” Evil cackle.

Who of all your characters do you see sitting in a rocking chair and knitting and telling their grandchildren the wildest stories in their old age?

Throne of Glass. Dorian. Don’t know why.

ACOTAR world would 1000% be Cassian. Nessian book will come out after Crescent City. She started it just for fun, hadn’t planned to write last ACOWAR. Sarah was out to lunch with her editor and got a little drunk and pitched her other books, but then forgot. Agent called a few weeks later telling her the editor wants to buy these books.

She literally doesn’t have the time to get all the stories she wants out of her. Wishes she had Hermione’s time turner.

So that’s it. Again, sorry it took me so long. Sarah was so lovely and I still can’t believe I got to see her in person. There’s a lot I took away from her talk for myself, mainly just how adamant she was about being yourself is the way to go. We’re better off when we’re true to ourselves and love the tings we love without feeling bad for it. 

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 8 Review – Chapter 84: Lock and Key

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This Riverdale review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 8

“Am I crazy or have you been feeling the same way too?”

Since Jughead’s narration opens most episodes with the most obvious observations possible, I’m going to return the favor by stating the following: Riverdale is not a series known for its profundity.

Over its five seasons to date it has proven to be a dumb show that is more often or not done smartly. Or maybe its ability to constantly induce narrative whiplash has be semi-concussed and believing that the program is way better than it has any right to be.

Which is where the above quote comes in.

With this season’s time jump and the characters dealing with actual real-life problems like post-collegiate ennui and the long farewell of long-held dreams (alongside of the usual nonsense that is the program’s calling card), Riverdale is the best it has ever been of late. And I’d never thought I’d write such words, but the most shocking thing about this episode was not Jughead’s alien tormentor or the Reggie and Fangs kiss but the way all of the trauma endured by these characters was brought to the surface tonight. Handled with grace no less.

That this minor miracle was set in motion thanks to a Key Party thrown by Cheryl in a creepy effort to break up Fangs and Kevin and live some sort of demented domestic bliss with Toni in her Gothic prison is kind of besides the point. The sheer volume of storylines happening in each Riverdale are so often disjointed that it feels like several shows are happening at once. Again, this is part of the appeal of watching this hottest of messes. So it’s a bit of a wallop across the head then when you have these characters having relatable moments, letting their guards down and getting to the heart of what haunts them.

Throughout this episode we see these characters shedding pretense and recognizing what drives them, be it fear, lust or anxiety. Kevin implodes his and Fangs’ relationship because the former has no idea what he wants out of life, but is certain it isn’t the small town drama teacher existence he currently has. Jughead is quite literally haunted by visions of an otherworldly creature who is either a literal alien or a manifestation of being twentysomething and rudderless, a literary one-hit wonder. Betty is still having nightmares about the Trash Bag Killer, suspecting that he may be responsible for Polly’s disappearance and worried her failure to bring him to justice will result in personal tragedy.

“What’s coming next with my mom and Polly is the darkest thing I’ve ever faced,” Betty states to Archie in the episode’s most powerful scene. The pair then acknowledge their true feelings, that they will be better off as friends. Veronica’s latest fight with Chad makes her acknowledge that whatever bonded them together is no longer there. It is Archie she truly loves, and vice versa. Cheryl bares her twisted soul to Toni, who is in return horrified by her actions and tells her as much. Yet Cheryl quickly finds a form of redemption in the embrace of the mysterious Minerva Marble (Adeline Rudolph, late of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina).

Yes, it is a contrivance that all of these huge epiphanies happen more or less at the same time. I’ll forgive this sin however since Riverdale so often has its character development move at a glacial pace. Perhaps when Veronica states that “the past is in the past” the show’s writers are telling us to forget what we know about how stories will unfold from here on out. Certainly, the post-time jump episodes have proven this. Maybe we really are in a brave new world for the series? Stranger things have happened before, especially on Riverdale.

Riverdale Rundown

• Jughead Jones has become unstuck in time! What do we make of Jughead teaching Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s Slaughterhouse Five to his students? More importantly, is Riverdale going to do a Jughead’s Time Police-inspired storyline?

• This stuff with Jughead and the alien is the absolute best. Please please please let the E.T. be real.

• In what must be a Riverdale first, Archie is shirtless within the first 30 seconds of this episode. As a sexy fireman no less.

• Art dealer Minerva is almost certainly not what she appears to be. So what is she really playing at? Are her feelings for Cheryl legitimate? Or is she playing some sort of long game?

• Speaking of Cheryl, I feel the writers need to really figure out how to handle this character’s mental illness as the argument can (and probably should) be made that they have entered exploitation territory.

• I was getting huge Psycho Goreman vibes off of the alien stalking Jughead.

• We see Jughead making like his comic counterpart and snacking on Lay’s chips in this episode.

• Varchie shippers, are you happy with the Veronica/Archie reconciliation?

• Drew Ray Tanner shined as Fangs here, delivering a heartbreaking performance as Kevin throws away their future together.

• Betty again illustrates how awful of an FBI agent she is by allowing her mom to keep a key to her home in a garden gnome while living in a dangerous city that has multiple serial killers on the loose.

• I desperately want to hear about Jughead’s Jingle Jangle-fueled New York City exploits. This is what happens when you read too much Bret Easton Ellis, folks.

• Lucy Hale makes an audio cameo as Katy Keene in this episode, simultaneously making me wonder why the CW cancelled her show in the first place and laughing at how the Riverdale producers keep thumbing their noses at the network by constantly referencing the doomed spinoff.

• Dr. Whitley’s name is an obvious homage to UFO novelist/experiencer Whitley Strieber (whose most famous work was Fire in the Sky, which just so happened to be the name of last week’s episode).

• Jackson incredulously remarking on Archie as player by saying “Sarge juggling two ladies?” indicates that he doesn’t know him at all.

• Casey Cott gets the episode’s funniest moment as he reacts to Reggie and Fangs’ kiss with impressed shock.

• Despite how this episode ended, I still think that Alice’s remark about how it sounded like Polly was calling from a spaceship is not a red herring. Look, there better be a full blown alien invasion by the time of the midseason finale, okay? I ask for so little.

• “I’m not bringing my baby into this house of horrors” might be the most sensible sentence ever uttered in the Blossom household.

• Betty refers to Cheryl’s Spin the Bottle party (when Archie spends Seven Minutes in Heaven with Veronica) from the series’ pilot.

• Next week, Betty goes in to the heart of darkness.

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[doubleedgecat]

I saw Be More Chill

I bought opening night tickets for my birthday and apparently, I bought second row seats. It was a fantastic production. Also, the theater’s in the perfect place. Most (if not all) of the businesses mentioned ARE right down the road (Hobby Lobby, Kohl’s, not sure if Cherry Hill has a Sbarro’s and a Payless, though). I’ll put more info under the cut about my experience. Also, there’s spoilers, so... yeah.

Actors and Characters

I have a list from the playbill, so that’s good. They have cute quotes too. It’s very in character.

Matt Dalton, plays the role of Jeremy. He looks like a nerd, so perfect. Also, he looked amazing in his post SQUIP outfits. His outfit was different than the one you’re probably use to. Still maintained the striped shirt, but the hoodie was replaced with a long-sleeve solid white shirt. He’s a great actor. He maintained a slouch through most of the first act. Plus, he has all of those scenes where his actions are powered by the SQUIP. Fantastic acting. Fantastic actor. Singing was great too. Definitely different from the one you probably hear a lot. Still enjoyable. I think he has a higher range, so less falsetto. Not entirely sure. He’s with Exit 82, so if I go again, I’ll probably see more of him.

Ryan Everett Wood plays the role of Michael. Michael was way more chill. If you’ve heard the original production, Michael’s super happy, eager, and excited like.... in everything. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with a way more chill Michael either. I mean, he does do a lot of pot. Also, he doesn’t show up that much, which if you knew the play you knew that, but watching it I realized he’s really not in there much. During The Play, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. So expressive as Jeremy has to make the decision. Also, he leap frogged like a pro. He’s a union member and not a part of the theatre group, so I might not see him again, but you know. Mad kudos. (Also, he ran right past me and scared me when he did his first entrance)

Elizabeth Ritacco plays the role of Christiiiine~ Canigula. SHE WAS AMAZING! OH MY LORD HER OUTFIT WAS SO CUTE SHE HAD CAT STOCKINGS! Also, she had great breath control. Also, she was so adorable throughout her performance. So cute! So happy and cheerful! She’s also barely in it, but I feel like she fully embraces the role. Also, there’s the play sign up in “More than Survive” and she was so graceful in the arms of Jake. Edit: Something I forgot to mention because it was in the very beginning, but Christine went to go get her pen from her bag and a water bottle that looked like a refillable slurpee cup from 7-11 FLEW OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE. She remained combosed, so good job.

Sal Pavia is the SQUIP and photographer. Great work on both. He died really well. (spoilers, he dies twice). It was certainly a different experience with him. He sounds quite different from the originator of the roll. I think he has a lower range or his voice is just naturally lower than the other. Still great at what he does. I have no complaints. His timing was impeccable. I’m not sure if there are visual/audio cues for when he has to do his hand movements to shock Jeremy, but it was all timed really well. Then there was this part where he was spinning. He did a great job maintaining eye contact with the audience. Also, he lit up, which was awesome. Sad I might not see him with Exit 82 again.

Jason Arellano played sweet sweet Rich to which he did an amazing job. Very confident. Very small (only a few inches shorter than Matt while slouching). Very sexual. He had a little something extra to his voice that was absent in the originated role. Later when the SQUIP’s influence is gone, he speaks as if he has a retainer in his mouth. Nice touch. He wasn’t as freaked during the Halloween party, but he did some pretty crazy stuff during scenes where he wasn’t the focus. Some of it involved hitting people with his bread machete, which upon introduction, he held in a manner very true to the character. Another, which I thought was cool was this one scene, I forget which, but he was climbing through the high rise like a monster and it was just perfection in physical form.

Lisa Adams played Chloe. She’s really pretty. The people I sat with were disappointed she wasn’t a blonde, but she was really pretty. She had such a nice outfit too. It was so cute, yet mature. Not mature in a bad way, but I guess classy would be more appropriate? She played her role as gossipy queen bee so well. All of her scenes that didn’t focus on her, she had such perfect body language and looked really convincing. Only thing, she didn’t have great breath control and it was noticeable. That’s my only criticism.

Katie Clair McGrath played Brooke. It was really different than I imaged. She had these two buns in her hair and her outfits were kind of bizarre. It was out there, but still cute. She played the role of wounded puppy well. Her delivery on somethings was different, like the Eminem scene, she was not as extra. Nothing really wrong with that, I guess. She was just really different than how I envisioned, but she was still good.

Emily Nielsen played Jenna Rolan perfectly. Oh my goodness. She was perfection. In everything she did she was great. She was an orc clown, which was scary, but her other outfits were so beautiful. She was stunning. Also,her belts were fantastic. Belts as in the singing kind. Also, she had her phone out, gathering receipts(?) like Jenna would. Such great direction and such great acting. Also, Smartphone Hour? Smartphone Hour. It was sooooooo good!

Billy Cardone played Jake. Now this one was super stunning. He differed the most from expectations. However’ that’s not to say he wasn’t still a great actor. He looked like a fuckboy (sorry Billy. I mean that in a good way) which I think fits Jake way better than playboy. Also, he looked more jocky, also more appropriate. ONE MORE THING he said “extra circular” which implies stupid. Another great thing. So overall, I think his character was actually better than the originated role (of which I have no idea what happened because I never saw it, so I’m going off the way people typically depict him) and as such really speaks to Billy’s acting ability and the director since the other actors could have gone off the past performance while he had to portray this different archtype without reference. Also his strength was super impressive. He lifted Christine, which she looked light, but he maintained that lift for a long period of time.

Vinny Distefano played Jeremy’s dad, Mr. Reyes, and the bus driver. He’s scary close to the originated actor. As you can see, he did not play the stockboy. Like, he practically sounds the same, but it’s not him. He played his roles very well, but he had a NOTICEABLE BULGE WHEN NOT WEARING PANTS, but it’s not like. “HE HAS A BONER” more like, “THEY REALLY STUFFED THAT UNDERWEAR SO YOU DON’T SEE HIS DICK” and I couldn’t help, but stare. He was in the “Top 100 Most Sexy Men of Musical Theatre” after all. He climbed a ladder with just socks and I was scared. Then he ran past me with NO PANTS DURING “THE PANTS SONG” and I was scared. Again.

Carly Cosentino, Frankie Confalone, and Bridget Hughes were ensembe stars. I think Frankie played another student (he was fabulous) as well as the stockboy. Bridget played Madeline (she was tres French). I don’t remember Carly in Halloween, but I think she had the super cute punk-ish outfit with the pink hat and she also played the stockgirl (a nice addition to the play). Bridget did a lot of transitions between scenes. Carly did a lot of char taking. I’m not sure what Frankie did, but I think he played a unicorn, so that was something. 

The Production The set was pretty simple. It was a two-tiered stage: the stage and what looked like metallic scaffolding. The scaffolding served as Jeremy’s head and as such was dominated by the SQUIP for most of the production. It’s also the place where you’d most likely find the SQUIP. When the SQUIP entered, two circuit things descended from the “ceiling.” They remained there until the SQUIP was defeated. When Jeremy upgraded, two more way larger circuits appeared (which explains how he upgrades). Finally, I think during  “The Pitiful Children,” two more circuits appeared. These were just one line with a circle. The lights would shine on them, making them blue even when the set was lit by different colors. I’m not sure if they disappeared during the reprise of “More Than Survive” and descended as the SQUIP came back on stage. During “Voices In My Head” these circuits were descending as the SQUIP said his final words, ascended when Jeremy reaffirmed himself and eventually went away. Not sure if it was all three sets of circuits or if it was just the first set. I think it was all.

The stage had a moving metal-frame staircase that looked like the scaffolding. It allowed for access to the scaffolding if characters needed it. It moved a lot. On stage, off stage, most notably in the opening number and “The Pitiful Children.” It was so cool.

Set pieces that identified the room were fairly simple. Jeremy had a bed and a desk. Jeremy’s bathroom had a rolling car that acted as a sink. It had toothbrushes in a cup. The bus used yellow chairs. These chairs were reused for any classrooms. School had functional lockers and an opposite wall for sign ups. The play room had a whiteboard. A very well written whiteboard. The school bathroom had a urinal. Two beanbags for “Two Player Game.” The Payless had a counter. (There were lights in the shoe box, which I saw in the exit82theatre instagram). Mall food court had a bench with two fake trees. Very light. Jake’s house had a couch. This was later replaced by his parent’s bed and two windows descended. Bathtub in his bathroom. Two hospital beds for... the hospital... Great set design by Mike Lindenmeyer. Also, shout out to Desiree Davenport the Costume Designer. Every costume was amazing! Highlights: Jenna Roland, Chloe, Brooke, Christine, all of the SQUIP’s outfits, and everyone in “Smartphone Hour.”

Edit: OMG I’m an idiot and forgot the best part. “The Play” closed the curtains and Christine did some audience interaction. It was so cute. Then it opened up and there was this huge blue and white sparkly curtain in the middle of the stage. Table for props and a costume rack completed the set. Then, the curtain fell? The sparkly one and strings of lights came down and everyone held onto them. So goregous!

Music, Dancing, Lines So the band had a really loud trumpet player. Everything else though was great. I could see the conductor (behind the scaffolding) along with other members.

While the original cast recording has some spoken parts during singing (ex. “Because it’s the best!” in “I Love Play Rehearsal”), I believe everything was sung. Nice change. Everyone sung well. Even thought I said Lisa had bad breath control, she had a great voice. EMILY WAS AMAZING! OH MY GOODNESS I LOVED HER! Some parts were quiet, like big group scenes (”The Pitiful Children” was a big one I remember).

Some lines changed delivery. I mentioned some. Chloe was different in “Smartphone Hour.” Still fit though. Then in “The Play” the girls spoke more like they were brainwashed than excited twinsies. I’m sure there were a few others, but I can’t remember. But just because it was different, doesn’t make it terrible. Everything still felt it fit within the context of the ply and as I stated earlier, some of it was even better. It all has to do with direction, which I think Sean Openshaw did a great job with both Directing and Choreography. Lots of jumping on people. Lots of carrying people. Pretty impressive. Also, that staircase in “The Pitiful Children” was amazing.

Personal Stories I went to the Cherry Hill Mall since it’s a midpoint and I wanted to go look at stuff. I got lost in a circle, desperately trying to avoid the turnpike. There was an accident, so I was like, “Of course...” I was almost late. Made it on time. Even better, the play didn’t start until 20-30 minutes later. My goodness it was packed. I sat with a bunch of teens. They screamed a lot. Had to cover my ears. The lady in front of me also did not appreciate the screaming, but I accidentally misgendered one, so karma? I apologized and corrected myself immediately. The same person apologized for screaming a few times, so they were nice.

Post play! So there were these two teens. They were a couple(?). They were holding hands, so I’m assuming so. I saw them earlier holding hands too. I took a playbill sitting on a ledge table thing. It was the last one. I thought “Oh mine’s a little bent.” The two didn’t see me take it, but the one in the checkered shirt looked upset, so I put it back. Checkered shirt seemed really happy it magically appeared.

I was the last one to get merch. They had three shirts: Up Up Down Down Left Right A, a Midsummer Nightmare With Zombies and I L<3ve Play Rehearsal (the heart is a picture of a heart. Not less than three and it is oriented portrait style not landscape). I bought a hat with 82 on it. Last one to get merch! Also, I asked if they were going to release a cast recording. No such luck according to (I think) the Executive Producer, Keely Davenport. Oh well.

So that’s everything. I loved it. It was so great. I drove a total of about four hours (there and back) in pitch blackness and it was worth it. Oh also. I think they’re doing a production of Dear Evan Hansen next year. They did Heathers a year prior. I might go. Don’t know much about it, but I thought I’d mention it just in case anyone wanted to go.