#so that's fine i'll just die i guess
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
me, looking at the most toxic, awful, horrendously unhealthy fictional relationship in the world: why can't i have what they have? :(
#remind me of how easily you could kill me then say i won't die until you let me#you insult me and I'll insult you and we'll both know each other so unfathomably well that every word is a finely tuned blade#we'll kiss and you'll draw blood and I'll think of you every time i feel the bite mark#in every universe we find each other and we hate each other and we want each other more than we can say through words#tell the world i'm yours while i glower with reverent loathing#every conversation we have is poison#we twist and distort each other until there's nothing left but two shattered halves of a one way mirror#I'll hold you tightly like you're the only thing that matters#we'll slowly settle into a sort of rancid dependent domesticity#and set out to ruin each other until even those jagged shards turn to dust#(apologies reader of these tags#the “you” i'm referencing isn't referring to you personally#or you generally#i'm just cooking up more motivation to write sdhdjshdj)#(oh! also- please note the use of FICTIONAL#this is all just imagination loll)#why yes this is about#toxic old man yaoi#however did u guess#also just general#toxic yaoi#toxic yuri#but ykkkk#I watched one too many animatics#billford#hahahaaa who said thatttt not meeee hahaaaa#they ruined me#oh also-#pureshadow
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
pokeani where everything is the exact same but Zoey was allowed to be even more butch
#my pokeani thoughts lack relevance or meaningful insight#but they're correct. to me personally. and that's what matters#i mean idk. some of them aren't. i don't stand by some old posts but so it goes.#i still get notes on 2+ year old posts and it's like whyyyy are you here and howwww did you find this#but if people are still finding and enjoying old shit i've said then sure. go off. have fun. i'll just die mad about it ddfjhdsksf (joking)#if I deleted and ran from the concept of ever having been cringe then i would have nothing to my name and that feels worse than being cring#e.#i have confidently said some very silly things in my life. just in general. and I will continue to do so. and it'll be fine.#my own brain cares more about that than my friends do so it's a me problem to be honest. and that's comforting.#ok we've gone from butch zoey to 'here's how to comfort your brain during an RSD episode' so i guess we're done here.
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of my favorite things that happened during my last mage Hawke playthrough was during the final battle against Meredith. Everything's going well. We're kicking her ass, she's got just this much health left, we're so close... but then everyone gets stunned dizzy.
Hawke is stumbling around all confused, seeing stars. The rest of his companions are stunned. I'm annoyed because I just want to end this fight. Don't know how or who did it, probably Meredith, but the situation's dire.
Meredith's standing by herself at the center of the Gallows, shouting nonsense and smugly believing the Maker's going to come down and make her his new bride after she murdered a bunch of innocent people.
Truly, this is the part of the story where Varric says they all thought hope was lost, that in the end, Meredith would pull a fast one on us and claim victory...
Until the REAL hero of dragon age 2 comes storming at her. I don't know why Carver was the only one to not be affected, but he literally jumped out of no where and just started bashing Meredith with his sword while everyone else was too dizzy to do anything until she was dead and the cutscene played.
"Hawke defeated Meredith-" LIES, VARRIC. I know the truth! I was there! Hawke didn't do shit! Carver Hawke was the main character all along! He got shit done and Varric gave Hawke all the credit!
I bring this up because last night I finished my warrior Hawke run and when we got to the fight with Meredith, I kind of hoped the same thing would happen where Bethany dashed in all heroic and got the killing blow on Meredith.
She did not.
She got squished by a statue.
But it's fine, Bethany Hawke was the true main character in my heart.
#da2#dragon age 2#carver hawke#bethany hawke#da2 hawke#varric tethras#da2 meredith#listen i have so much love for the hawke twins they are the main characters in my heart like yes fine hawke you're there too#but THE TWINS aaaaaaaauughghghghhhhhh#seriously though i'll never forget being annoyed that ed was bumbling around and then watching carver be the only one unaffected#and he's the only one beating meredith and tbh i was cheering him on yes baby brother get her show her how you do it back in fereldan#honestly doesn't it figure though? carver would be the one to deliver the final blow and then be completely overshadowed#because varric has such a hard on for hawke BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH#and it's the same with bethany like this entire run i was so invested in her and i wanted her to set meredith on fire#though this time the fight was actually super easy because i was way more prepared and at a higher level so hawke never got stunned?#i dunno but i wasn't keeping track of bethany during the battle and somehow she did die once... but it's fine she got better#siiiiiigh.... do you know how much i want a playthrough with just the twins? so badly like listen hawke you're neat#but maybe this time you could let the ogre eat you instead? just this once? i love both of my hawkes but the twins??#hawke twins hawke twins haWKE TWINS HAWKE TWINS#i guess i have to settle for au crafting and fanfic...
89 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
There hasn't been much news about him [LMM] lately for a while now until this month, so it's understandable to lose interest (I guess is the right term) in him and his projects. Warriors is definitely a huge step back for him! If he really is collaborating with Taylor Swift on this like we all began to speculate in April, then I would have rather it been some extended version of her song from TTPD featuring him. He is extremely capable of writing songs and creating characters for original musicals (even if they are based on a film or novel), and it just disappoints me that he went this route instead of spend his time and energy on a new original musical. Give me a reason to go to New York! I'm still going to to try and go next year anyway because there's a musical I really want to see (and because I am in dire need of going back), but I'm trying to get into musicals more and Lin just kinda ✨ threw away his shot ✨ with this one. As for Disney, yeah, I'm not entirely excited about that too, especially seeing that he probably chose Mufasa: The Lion King over Moana 2. I love "We Know the Way" and "An Innocent Warrior" the most! And "You're Welcome" and "How Far I'll Go". Bro really could've given us more songs like those in Moana 2... I'm sure the music will be good regardless, but it just lowkey sucks that he didn't write any of them.
I hope he has more, EXCITING projects coming up that he's been keeping a secret...
literally all of this - i agree with every single one of your words and i'm glad someone who's also a fan of his work has pretty much the same opinion about all of this (the warriors, collab with taylor, moana 2). there's really nothing more to say about this. we just have to wait and see what happens.
i don't think losing interest would be the right term in my case tho... it's actually more than that and i don't even know if i want to talk about it, but maybe i should. this fandom fucking destroyed my mental health to the point i don't want to be a member of this community anymore. i'm still a fan. i still follow him and i still love his work. i'm trying to keep up with all the updates. i know everyone here probably thinks i just found myself a new obsession and this is the reason i don't talk about lin anymore. trust me, i listened to in the heights the other day and i started sobbing like a goddamn clown. i still love him and i always will. i think it all went down when i created my musical theatre instagram account and started being more active in the fandom... the energy there is slightly different than here. people are actually fighting for his attention. his birthday was like a fucking shit show of who would do more just to be noticed by him. i kinda started feeling like maybe i am worth nothing because i've never met him, never been to new york (simply because i cannot afford it at the moment) or never been noticed, or maybe i haven't been here long enough, well, i also don't have a motherfucking role in this fandom - i'm not a writer, i don't make art, no talents at all, i'm just here to admire and enjoy his work. it all went too far and i was even too fucking tired to keep answering all the asks i was getting about him (and there was a lot of them at some point, probably because i was the most active member of this community on tumblr and someone who was always defending him and people started treating me like a person who knows fucking everything about him and that's just not true). i enjoyed it for a while. then i stopped. who the fuck even am i to be treated like a goddamn leader of the fandom or whatever the case was. i don't know. all i know is that it was just too much. i appreciate the fact that i was getting so many nice messages from all those people but ugh... i was once asked about discord server for his fans and i decided to create one with a huge help of my mutuals. then i fucking left. my own discord server. i don't even think anyone noticed. lmao. nobody actually asked me why, so that's what i assume. i was exhausted and drained. i just think people are taking all of it too seriously??? it was actually my mistake that i ever let myself think i was worth less than others because of all those stupid things. anyway. i don't want any of this. i hope no one in this fandom even remembers me now, maybe except those people i still talk to. the rest is history.
you may think i am making the same mistake now, but no. it's different. i am just here to have a good time, reblog silly pictures with my silly little tags and maybe make some of my mutuals laugh. i also want the new members of the fandom to feel loved and safe and to know that they are all equally important, doesn't matter if they were here years ago or joined last week. it's all just so fucking stupid. i don't have a role and i don't want one. i'm just here to enjoy it, it's way more fun this way - tumblr is actually great for me again.
i have no idea why i decided to use your ask as an opportunity to tell all of this. i don't know. i'm sorry. it just had to be said i fear.
one last thing, if you really want to get into musicals more, i can recommend you some of my favourites. i have a good taste actually!
#side note: i will probably never have the opportunity to meet lin anyway and i kinda made my peace with it#it's totally fine#i also don't blame anyone for the fact that i was feeling this way#it just happened#i guess i was just too deep in it and i wanted to be a part of the community so bad that it just went too fucking far idk#anyway#stream clancy#and have a nice day!#that's a motherfucking essay right here lmao#sorry for being too fucking chaotic guess i'll go die now#anon#i saved every letter you wrote me*
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
still no hr email
#guess I'll die or whatever#i mean its probably fine#im just impatient and want everything to happen now but i respect that isn't the way it works most of the time with hiring#theres certain things you gotta do and check#or whatever the fuck#but damn can we go a little faster please before i put myself in the hospital because my anxiety is so bad??#001.#like contrary to how i present i am Not chill or relaxed about anything literally ever im just a super good faker
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whatever power there is out there in the universe (cosmic koala please save me) needs to stop me having bad side effects to my flu/COVID jab tomorrow bc I have too much crap to do to be laid up for a week
#please just send me arm pain and nothing else#niece reported no side effects to the flu jab she got a while back#so my Eyes are on You covid shot. don't fuck with me. let me live.#if historic record means anything I'll either be fine or want to die#so... roll of the dice i guess
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hpd/bpd together fucking sucks, I'll feel undesirable or like I'm not the pinnacle of my One Person's attention and it ruins me from the inside out, Category 5 Breakdown, simultaneously suicidal and thinking of ripping him to pieces just because I don't feel like he actually wants me like come on calm down and then you wind up coping by going into a weird other episode where you go "These people are beneath you so you shouldn't give fuck, they're Stupid for not liking you as much as you like them" and then you go around Again-
#bitching#I AM GOING TO DIE#HANDS UP TO THE SKY IF HE FLIRTED WITH ME LIKE HE USED TO I'D PROBABLY BE FINE BUT IN ALL HONESTY I'VE ASKED SO MANY TIMES AND IT'S NEVER#COMING BACK !!!#I'M TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO CUT MY HEART INTO PIECES SO I DON'T FEEL SO STRONGLY TETHERED TO ANYONE ANYMORE#MAYBE I'LL BE ABLE TO MATCH HOW MUCH PEOPLEARE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS BUT UNFORTUNATELY I ONLY KNOW HOW TO GIVE MY WHOLE#SOUL#AND I GET UPSET WHEN I'M THE ONLY ONE GIVING MY SOUL#I WISH PEOPLE COULD MATCH MY LEVEL OF LOVE BUT I DON'T THINK ANYBODY CAN !!!!!! AND I SHOULD JUST ACCEPT THAT BUT I HATE BEING THE OBSESSED#ONE I HATE BEING THE ONE THAT CARES MOREI JUST WANT THE OBSESSION TO BE MUTUAL ON GOD PLEASE#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#and then this is going to get found and read and I'm going to get yelled at because I guess he does feel the same way but I'M stupid because#I can't fucking Tell what people Feel unless they#TELL ME TO MY FAAAAAAAAAACE#sigh#whatever#bpd#hpd
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was going to wait a bit to start the haruspex route after finishing the bachelors yesterday, take a little break, but I couldn't help myself and now I'm having the worst time <3
#im one punch away from death. my stomach is about to start digesting itself and im about to pass out from exhaustion#but daniil just cleared my name so i guess i'll be fine#i just have to drag myself over to the knots to buy some food then somehow heal myself to get a blood transfusion#wait my reputation is restored fuck that guy that attacked me he can die#if i have the time i'll help him but if not i'm sorry grace#pathologic#personal#currently playing
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i forgot to draw his glasses~ but i'll do that on...... wednesday...... because i'm going to vancouver :v
#blackout city#art wip#comics#artists on tumblr#uuuughhh#one of them “everything looks terrible i don't even know how to draw” but then looking at it the next day and being like ok that's fine#moods#or that's bad but i need to finish this page so i guess i'll just die#they kinda#go together
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
And for bad oversharing medical news the arrhythmia from december never went away but I thought maybe the throat infection was still there right so that could be a reason but then I went to a specialist and not only is it practically cured (just lingering a bit) but my lungs sound fine as well! which means! the shortness of breath is probably something wrong with the oxygen in the bloodstream and the slight chest tightness is also extremely worrying I could only make an appointment to get it checked next friday and that sounds like way too long
#I know it's morbid but the only thing I can think about is how fucking mad I am at my parents and how I wish I had someone else to take care#of my things and burial if I were to die#they don't know me#they would do everything against my wishes because they never cared to listen#and Especially I am mad at my dad cause when this started he was around and I was really scared and upset and nearly crying and I told him#that I was considering going to the hospital right there and then and then he didn't. fucking say anything or ask if I was okay#they'll never listen anything just registers as crazy fucking kid having a tantrum again let's give her space leave her out of sight#And I had to Yell at him to stop telling me not to go to the hospital the next day and I mean Yell and he still said they'd deny it#that I was making it up if I had just been on my fucking own I wouldn't have double guessed myself on it and gone to the wrong specialist#and wasted time and gotten to the point where it's not like debilitating pain but constantly aware that it's there and I can only like eat#heart healthy shit that I don't even like and wait and god I am so upset at them why so I have to be alone and yet still be so tied to them#why pretend to care when I've said time and time again they're still hurting me like nearly everytime we see each other#Okay nevermind I actually Need to distract myself now usually confronting feelings is my favorite#but my body is telling me that if I want to cry I have to deal with it physically feeling like there's a hole between my ribs so#I'll hold off on it#I'll be fine#god going to sleep has been the absolute worse#delete later
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
really pissed off at my sister for what I think are valid reasons that no one wants to address but me. and then I always become the asshole. what else is new.
#she literally always guilt trips me about being the only source of her happiness#and like manipulates me into entertaining her because she claims I'm her only friend#and then when i try to calmly explain that it's not fair of her to do that#and point out. accurately.#that she will always ask me to do things and when i begrudgingly say yes she's like 'ugh no fine you don't want do just say that'#but if i say 'honestly no i dont want to'#she sighs and whines and mopes and is like 'im so bored no one ever wants to do anythign with me i guess i'll just go to bed and die'#so when i explain all of this and say 'i honestly dont know what you want from me'#'should i pretend to want to do something and be miserable or should i just say no bc its gonna make you want to kys either way'#she gets pissy and angry and is like whatever just leave!#and then i was like 'have you tried talking to your therapist about your inappropriate reactions to people trying to help you'#and she fucking screamed at me like 'have you tried getting a job or going to school!' like.#honey you're proving my point you know that right..#she's allowed to have full blown fits and tantrums and scream at me and insult me#but when im like 'this isnt fair or healthy and its not okay'#for some reason her and my mom and my dad turn on me.#it's not fair that i am the sole straw that keeps her from being suicidal every day/#it's not fair to put that on one person it's just not.#and i never have any time or money or resources to get me help because it's all about her#and i know that she's more of a priority she has more pressing diagnoses more deserving of help#but im NEVER allowed to have a bad day. never. im not allowed to want to be by myself or lash out even once#whatever im just so tired of this#i just like to sit in my room and watch my shows and be by myself and even that pisses everyone off i guess#and like not to mention that she was complaining that i always talk about my interests and she never gets to#so i actively made an effort to stop making references and not talk about my fixations as much#and that just pisses her off more#like what do you want!!!!!!!#i've been making myself smaller and subservient to you my whole fucking life and it's not enough!!!!!!!#i cant do anything fucking right!!!!!!!!#what do you want from me!!!!!!!!!!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
The nendo I need for the my custom Kayako's hair (and maybe body too?) should be arriving on the 19th. I'm very excited
#the mha thing I'll post on here is either this gif or thinking himiko and her design/powers are cool#silly talks#as long as nothing is fucked up I might be able to post what I have so far TT0TT#i'm coming for you next toshio buddy! TT0TT Your dad can get fucked tho#two nights ago I thought I heard the grudge groan#i think it came from my nose....or my head made the noise up (you know how some times your brain makes a phantom noise? :'D)#that or i'm curse and I'mma die we'll find out I guess! TT0TT#I feel like i haven't been posting much about Persona u_u that'll probs change when P5T/P3R actually comes out#just having a hard time being hyped for either tbh#p5t cause it's P5 and...well....... tactics..... but most importantly cause it's probs gonna be ANOTHER P5 game where they dont remember#which is already the majority of their spinoffs orz#as much as I hate P5S I'll gladly take a game that takes place AFTER P5S than another memory wipe game#I'm fine with memory wipe games but P5 has been.....stale and has too much TT0TT I wanna see them older....esp P1-4 chars older!#P3R is just.....a lot of stuff I like is removed so it's hard to get excited#i'm kind of expecting some diverging changes in P3R and.....I can't be excited for it cause all I wanted was a complete ver TT0TT#gimme Asa or P6 instead Atlus orz#but yeah sorry for posting things non-persona I'm just.......waiting TT0TT
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I legit don't know how the fuck I'm going to get out of this shithole where living expenses are x5 the price and I have to wait four weeks just to see a doctor to get a REFERRAL for mental health
#I'm legit considering suicide at this point because what the fuck else can I do#I can't even get help to work towards getting well enough so I can earn enough money just to LEAVE#like fine you win guess I'll fucking die#ad literally just for the REFERRAL#as in they'd refer me and then I'd be waiting weeks or months for an actual appointment#I want to fucking die dude
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
love how my computer makes some apps stop working so i'm forced to do an update <3 that's really cool dude
#just me hi#clip studio don't die on me#don't diiiiiie#/it's fine i guess it does help me keep up with the updates so i don't kill this 'puter too early but also Oh My Stars My Files. I Didn't#Save Before It Crashed. Sob#//anyway gotta go update and then wait 10 minutes for the computer to actually turn back on after 5 fake-outs and then open every app back#up wait for the apps to run properly and then sign back into everything i had in incognito and then go and see if my files saved so. i'll b#right back :')
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I told myself I was gonna get one of today's prompts done but
i am staring at my word doc wrapped in a blanket thinking about showering and going to sleep instead (even tho I know my brain won't let me actually fall asleep until fuck knows when, which makes that feel like just. wasted time.)
#text post#i really don't wanna skip another day#i know that's fine and most events like this are do what you can not do every day or die in a tire fire lmao#but my brain is just. itchy at the idea of skipping another day#also went to my half finished draft for tomorrow's and guess what! It's fucking terrible! So that also needs redoing#i need my body to get out of this stress sickness slump this isn't helping me in any way#like thank u im aware of stress. making me feel like i have the flu bc im stressed isn't going to make that go away!!!#maybe if i give myself till midnight#if it hits midnight and nothing is still getting done or nothing I get down is working then i'll let myself skip today's#and will try again in redoing one of the prompts for tomorrow
3 notes
·
View notes