#so that’s a pattern that we’ve seen happen many times

[elysia-nsimp]

And after she made her shitty apology, which I do have screenshots of as well as the responses we gave to it should anyone want to see, she started insulting us for calling her out on her manipulative behaviours.

Then she claimed we never told her we didn’t like how she played the characters, which we DID, MANY TIMES, including the screenshots in my last reblog (which btw that was NOT the end of the discussion, it was just the end of where I spoke)

She ended up leaving the server and getting banned on both her accounts, then went to the server admin’s Tumblr dms, to which Chenya’s mod has the screenshot for what she said, but here’s what transpired after the response to her “apology”

Uncropped because i am so tired man. I had tried to be nice, but I got real sick of her attitude towards me so oops lol

But yeah. This still isn’t everything, but it sure happened!

guys i'm in my hot sexy villain arc

[saetoru]

this blog is now archived !! find my MASTERLIST here !!

hi guys, and here’s a long overdue post that i wanted to take the time to make after collecting as many screenshots as i can for a lot of rumors that i think need to be addressed. before i do that, i wanted to apologize to all of my mutuals who ended up wrongfully harassed in their inboxes for simply knowing me—the irony of this issue being about bullying all the while people on this app have been simultaneously being genuinely awful to other writers who have zero involvement has been ridiculous.

i would’ve made this post sooner, but december was very busy—as you all know, i’ve been working with two separate companies for my capstone projects, and i had final presentations with boards to worry about. and then a cruise which was fun, but i was offline. now that i’ve finally had time to enjoy my break and collect my thoughts, i’d like to voice my own side to the discourse i’m sure you’ve all seen posted by @/garoujo, who is now @/gojoath.

first and foremost, i’ve been on tumblr for almost 4 years now, and while i may not have the brightest moments on here (no one will be spot-free in that amount of time), i’d like to think that if i actually went out of my way to vicious or bully people, this would’ve come to people’s attention a lot sooner. i’ve had a relatively large following across all 6 of my blogs in my time here, and while i don’t like to get into the metrics of my blogs, the reason i point this out is because i have willingly started my blog over 6 times. 3 of these were sfw blogs under my nickname tee, another 2 of which were my previous nsfw blogs under a different alias, and saetoru which is the current one, where i finally decided to combine my sfw and nsfw writing into one space. i just wanted to bring that up because i had quite a habit of leaving and restarting blogs before this one, and had i been obsessed with outperforming other writers in terms of follower counts, i would not have left the previous ones as often as i did. 

that being said, i’ll also go through a timeline of events and how they’ve snowballed into an issue that is not as one-sided as most of you might think. i’ve been mutuals with emmie since my first blog, and i’d been mutuals with her through most of her blogs as well. we’ve never really had issues until her last blog @/garoujo, which she’d started after deactivating @/atsymu due to discourse regarding racism accusations. the reason why we had a falling out was because i felt that there were a series of odd coincidences that felt slightly purposeful, but i was still questioning whether or not i was looking too deeply into it to actually point any of it out.

admittedly, when i saw her first set of banners, i felt our layouts were a slight bit similar, but i really didn’t mind too much because i had been planning to change my banners anyway because i was bored of them. so i took that as an opportunity to do so. it just so happened that within a day or two of every time i changed my banners, hers would be changed too—i never said i owned the color gray, and i even fully acknowledge that the last two sets of banners, at first glance, wouldn’t be a red flag. because, like i said, i was more uncomfortable with the pattern of coincidences than the actual layouts. then i switched to my instagram theme, and not long after, i noticed her add instagram story visuals to her navi. again, no one ever said instagram was my original idea, and that no one else could use it, but it was an unsettling feeling having the same moot continuously make changes around the same time as you, and changes that are different enough that you can’t exactly point out an issue, but slightly similar enough that you can’t exactly ignore the slight oddness.

coincidentally, the same day, another blog (who i will not name bc they’re not very active anymore and are also not very relevant to this story) made the same theme as me and i was a bit peeved because this same blog is someone who has copied a few other things from me and a handful of other moots, so i made a subpost on my moots-only personal blog at the time. keep in mind, i made this post fully aware that emmie was on this blog because i didn’t intend for that post to seem like it was about her. but she reached out to me, and i explained to her the situation, and i even provided the relevant screenshots to show my points. i still considered her a decently good friend at the time, and even with the slightly off feelings, i was still adamant about brushing them off and considering them coincidences that perhaps i was being a bit too critical of.

it wasn’t until i woke up a few hours later after changing my theme and going to bed that i noticed she’d then fully switched to the insta theme. again, instagram is an app used by millions and, at one point, was a very popular theme used amongst most people on this app. i’m not entitled enough to believe i was the first person to do it, but like i said. there are just off vibes most of us will not help but feel when a series of coincidences continue to happen back to back to back by the same person.

there were, amongst these things, a number of other small touches that made me feel off. most of them i don’t remember by now or have screenshots of, so i won’t bother to go into all of them, but for reference, one example i’d also like to point out that i’d had the phrase “you’ve reached the hanmas” in my inbox when she was still on @/atsymu, and sometime after, her sfw blog @/loveatsu had the phrase “you’ve reached the miyas.” small things like this are not things i make an issue over and am more than capable of brushing aside, but like i have said and will continue to push firmly is that i felt there were multiple instances of emmie, in particular, making small tweaks to her blog shortly after me that made me feel were not all coincidentally similar. the issue was never themes or thinking i am the first or only person to do something a certain way, the issue has always been me countless times feeling that one particular individual is exhibiting a behavior that is persistent and uncomfortable no matter how minuscule the instances may be. maybe they were really just unfortunate coincidences that happened with poor timing, or maybe they weren’t. but i stand by the fact that anyone in my shoes would be valid to question the timing of each of these events over and over again.

i would also like to bring up kinktober (though this happened a while after the rest of what i will get into) because this was the first public discourse that emmie and i got into due to an anon’s claims of similarities between our posts. i had received an anon who told me “i think someone copied your kinktober masterlist” which i answered to ask if they could let me know who. they had come back to say it was garoujo, and i did not reply to the ask, instead, i made a post to vaguely tell the anon that i appreciate them letting me know, but i will just leave it be and continue on with my kinktober regardless of emmie’s mlist. i do think there were some vague similarities, but honestly not enough to really question it, so i figured a confrontation or issue was not necessary. a while later, several moots had messaged me to let me know they had received anonymous asks saying to “block @/garoujo she copied @/sakusins and she’ll copy you too” (or something along those lines, i don’t remember exactly.) i myself was very confused (and upset) by the situation because i did not, and still would not, want to be publicly name-dropped in other people’s inboxes over issues that do not involve them. unfortunately, it led to some not-very-kind asks to both of us, and while i am sorry she had to deal with that, it is not an apology from a sense of culpability. that situation was, and still is, entirely out of my control. i would not have seen the masterlist unless the anon had mentioned it, and i did not take part in having people send asks about her to other writers. especially not in a manner that was pretty much social suicide for me as well. 

(this is a poorly made collage i know lol but i hit the picture limit bear with me here.)

i would also like to point out that i am not the only individual who has had issues with emmie and feels she had copied them. although i cannot disclose urls (they have been blocked out for privacy reasons) here are a few conversations i have had with my own mutuals, and i would wager there are more people whom i haven’t talked to who also feel this way. they might be small enough instances that sparking issues over them was not worth it to all of these people, therefore she has never heard from people herself about this issue, but the point does still stand that this claim about emmie is not one i alone make, and is one that i have heard countless times before. her never being approached by these individuals for the sake of peace doesn’t erase that they have been, and are, upset by these events, and it’s a habit that she seems to continually partake in. i would also like to link this post where she has been called out by another writer while she was still atsymu, which was posted while we were still friends. i’ve actually had a discussion with emmie about that post, and at the time, i had quickly skimmed the post and felt it was perhaps a reach, but after my own experiences, i went back to reread the post and considered perhaps there was validity to it, and that this might not be a one time occurrence. plagiarism in manners such as this will always have conflicting opinions, and it is hard to sometimes tell if something is a coincidence, a popular and overused idea, or something that has actually been copied. my point is that a number of people have all felt that perhaps there is a good chance this was not an accident, and please consider that so many instances of people feeling this way might suggest that there is a certain degree of validity to the claim.

at the beginning of all of this, when the masterlist banners had first started bothering me, i was upset, and i chose to vent to an ex-moot of mine who most of you would recognize as munsonsins. abby has deactivated a long while ago, but she’s relevant to this because i had chosen to vent to her at the time, and this is more or less what later caused this situation to escalate. at the time of venting to her, i knew she wasn’t mutuals with emmie because, as you can see, she’d told me as such. 

one thing i would like to point out is that there were a handful of people i had vented to about my frustrations with emmie, but one thing i had always been mindful of was ensuring these were a) individuals who i considered close friends and not just random individuals, and b) were not friends or moots with emmie in the event that i accidentally made people who she cared about think lesser of her. had abby been mutuals with emmie, i would not have shared my feelings, and once again, i was not loose-lipped enough to just tell anyone because they’d listen. i told abby in particular because i had felt we were sufficiently close individuals who talked one-on-one and were able to vent to each other. a bit after i vented to her, though, she befriended emmie, which i had no such issues with because abby was/is her own person and is an adult who can interact freely and befriend whoever she wanted/wants to. 

not long after that, on the night before eid (this detail is relevant in the future) an ex moot of mine @/kazuwhora reached out to me. if you guys remember, there was a discourse last year that was all over dash about how writers on this app should be open to criticism. a lot of people (including me and kc) were upset by that sentiment—which is still valid. please don’t give constructive criticism to writers without their explicit permission !! but regardless, kc sent me a screenshot of a mutual of mine who had posted their opinion on this discourse, and their point was clearly that while constructive criticism is important in some aspects, writers do not have to be subject to receiving it should they not want to. unfortunately, i felt as if kc misunderstood what this individual was trying to say, and i was trying to explain it to her, but we got into a small argument over how we interpreted the post. i felt some of the things she was saying about this individual were inappropriate, and i had made it clear that i was very fond of this person, and it made me uncomfortable to be having this discussion. regardless of whether she saw my interpretation of the post or not, i wanted to drop the discussion, especially because it was the night before eid. eid is the one holiday i celebrate, and there are traditions i quite enjoy the night before, and i didn’t want them to be spoiled with a poor mood over a silly argument. unfortunately, she wasn’t very willing to drop the topic, and it ended up making me upset. so i posted this screenshot to my moots only personal from the conversation that consisted of my messages only and said, “tonight i had to explain what a debate is.” it was petty, perhaps, but very harmless, seeing as there was no context given and no names/pfps to indicate who the person was.

truthfully, i had vented separately to cat, eris, and abby about this argument because i was friends with the three of them at the time, but needless to say, venting to your friends about arguments is a universal action, and i believe it is something all of us have partaken in. 

eventually, i decided to softblock emmie because i felt it would be more comfortable for me on my blog to do so. after a bit, i was informed of a subpost that seemed like it couldn’t be about anyone other than me—to make things clear, emmie subposting me was not my concern. i did not hold it against her because she is more than entitled to have her own feelings and vents on her own blog, but the thing that did concern me was that it seemed slightly evident that she was aware of my feelings when i had never explicitly had a conversation with her. it made me question who would tell her, and as you may have guessed, the only person with whom i had shared my concerns who could also be in contact with emmie was abby. 

at the time, eris had also voiced concerns that they had trusted abby with the ending of the plot for the diluc series they were planning, and coincidentally, one of abby’s friends had posted a fic idea eerily similar to their concept, to which abby had been commenting and reblogging more brainstormed ideas under. all of these ideas were very close to the plans eris had for their series plot, and understandably, they felt that it was not a mere coincidence that their entire plot was being brainstormed on dash by a person who was fully aware of their outline. i’d voiced my concerns with believing that abby may have also been sharing things i trusted her with, and as a result we both had made a few vague subposts that we liked from each other—a petty behavior, i will admit, but not something that i think is very out of the norm for a lot of people on this app. sometimes, we all just want to vent out our frustrations, and because we all more or less use tumblr as an outlet, these can sometimes be vaguely taken to dash. it’s not something that is ideally recommended (i’ve learned the hard way) but it’s also ?? not exactly something that only i’m guilty of, or is even a rare behavior. i think to shoot down one person for this behavior is quite frankly hypocritical. again, subposting isn’t a habit i would like to push as mature but it’s something i’d like to point out is very normal in this community, and is not something only i take part in. beyond that, i take to ensuring that whenever i do, i’m not explicitly exposing who i’m talking about in order to keep them out of unnecessary issues. 

after this conversation with eris, it kind of solidified in my mind that i did not want to trust abby with any more personal vents, or information, and i had ultimately decided to soft block her too. i had also decided to take the opportunity to softblock kc as well because i figured i might as well just remove individuals who i felt made me uncomfortable. this is, again, my right to do so to curate my own space. not long after, cat, eris, and i had been softblocked/hardblocked by a number of moots, and we were a bit confused, until cat ended up having a conversation with kc. many accusations were made about all three of us, more specifically, about me to kc by abby because the two of them had been discussing that they’d both been softblocked by me recently.

the list of accusations we were told of is as follows:

me, cat, and eris have a “burn book” where we “blacklist people.” it’s important to note that every time this discourse resurfaces (this is now the fourth time), the “burn book” has fundamentally changed in its composition—it has changed from a discord server “burn book”, to a google doc “burn book”, to the current rumor that it was an entire blog that was used as a “burn book.” it is consistently changed to fit whatever narrative is trying to be pushed, and regardless, the rumor itself is entirely untrue and has been addressed multiple times. cat has had a tumblr theme, a collab theme, and a server theme all dedicated to the film mean girls. she simply had a channel that was to share the urls of minors to block for interacting with nsfw works, or people who were anti-dark content—this is something that i have seen in all servers i’ve been in during my time on tumblr, and is not a new concept for many of you either. it’s simply a precaution a lot of servers take to warn writers about potential minors to block, and potential anti-dark content harassers. the name of this channel happened to be “the burn book” because it was a mean girls themed server, so the name just fit. nowhere in this channel were other writers in the community “blacklisted” or spoken negatively of, and here are the screenshots of the channel. this was simply something abby had twisted in order to paint us negatively. here is the link to cat’s post addressing it for proof and explanation (i run out of pictures or i would include them myself.)

abby also claimed that i was using this channel to talk poorly about kc and a handful of other moots. this is also false bc this server had several strangers (as it was cat’s server and i didn’t know all her moots), but it also had several of kc’s mutuals/friends in this server as well. i’m not so dense as to talk poorly about other writers publicly in a server, let alone a server i know has people who are friends with kc

now, this next part, emmie has conveniently painted out to be about me, as i apparently harassed and blacklisted people for liking itto from genshin impact, but i have been playing genshin for over a year on this app, and quite a large number of you are my own followers who see my rambles and my writing and i don’t have to explain that i have never written for itto, nor explicitly expressed an interest in him apart from perhaps one or two posts from back when i did his story quest. i never had, and still to this day, have no interest in the character itto. i’ve skipped his banner, i plan to skip his upcoming banners should they come, and i have never written for him, nor do i plan to write for him. this issue with itto is between eris and another individual, and i do not have the details to this, as i was new friends with eris at the time, and i’m no longer friends with eris as of current time. quite frankly, even if i knew the details, i wouldn’t go out of my way to share them because it has nothing to do with me. plain and simple.

as you can see, there were a number of rumors spread here to kc by abby, and as you can see, all of which led me to seem quite vicious in character. i’ve provided, to the best of my ability, screenshots and receipts of why each of these is quite drastically out of context and far from true to what abby has claimed. 

i did in fact, after these events confront abby because i was genuinely appalled by the way she knowingly and purposely twisted things conveniently to villainize me. she expressed that she was upset and paranoid by the subposts that she figured were about her once i’d soft blocked her, so i apologized for the posts. she had conversations with both me and cat about the rumors she’d started, and she also apologized for them to both me and cat.

the rumors that emmie has claimed about me in her post, which she conveniently provided no evidence of, are all rumors that are more or less a result of my differences with abby and kc. unfortunately, despite cat trying her best to explain to kc the falseness of most of these rumors, she didn’t really believe them—which is her business. to each their own. i’m sure if i had been in kc’s shoes and in one night, someone i had considered a friend had been painted to do a series of nasty things behind my back, i also would not know what’s true and untrue, and she is entitled to piecing together what she believes is her truth. what’s not fair, however, is for emmie to have no involvement/understanding of these events apart from a twisted narrative she heard from one person and dog pile them into her claims of my behavior to further paint me as a villain. emmie is more than entitled to have her beliefs on my character based on her own experiences, which she has provided her own evidence of, but simply slapping an “and i heard she also….” does not necessarily make claims true, and is very manipulatively thrown into the post to add a list of things that make my character questionable to further validate her point. 

not only this, but she has made a point to openly admit that she and her friends have collectively mocked me for my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who they have apparently labeled as my “fake” boyfriend that i used to get attention on this app. quite plainly, i get enough attention on my blog that i don’t need a fake boyfriend to amp that up. but furthermore, i am a south asian, muslim individual. my parents are immigrants with very strict religious and cultural beliefs that i feel are very restricting at times, and though i love my family, i struggle with my identity quite a bit as i live in a very western culture that clashes quite a bit with my cultural norms. i do not get to freely explore my sexuality or even romantic life in general, unlike some of you. my parents have been kept in the dark about my relationship because them knowing about it is something that could quite literally create a rift between us, and i find it very insulting and almost suspicious that a white girl is making a mockery of my cultural struggles and my personal life. many of you are either desi or muslim or simply children of strict immigrant parents with quite stubborn traditional views. i’m sure plenty of you understand where i’m coming from when i say that i have to keep my relationship hidden from the majority of the people around me. tumblr is the one place i can anonymously share bits and pieces of my life without worrying about if it will literally cost me my relationship with my parents, so sometimes i may have overshared silly or pointless things, but that is because it’s my own way of being able to express myself and my relationship the way i have always wanted to. apart from that, dragging and making a joke out of someone’s personal life is quite unnecessary in this case. the issue is about tumblr discourse, and i find it very hypocritical that i am being labeled a bully when people, more specifically a white and privileged individual, is plain and simple mocking and poking fun at my personal life and situation that i have no control of. that is my piece on that. whether some of you believe i had a partner or not is not my business, nor do i have to go out of my way to show you evidence of my personal life. what i will say, however, is that there are a handful of close friends i have on this app who are involved in my personal life and have seen evidence of my love life through pictures and private stories on social media. quite frankly, these are the only individuals who i have to justify the validity of my personal life to, and it’s honestly quite violating for someone to stoop to dragging someone’s outside life into issues about tumblr. i extend a very genuine fuck you to every single one of you that have ridiculed my personal relationship and just know that you are extremely bold to consider yourselves above bullying when this is the type of behavior you admit to engaging in. individuals with complex familial relationships, and identity struggles between cultural norms, their ethnicities, and the western world are not your playground to make a joke out of. some of us have very real struggles, such as not being able to pursue careers in favor of arranged marriages, not being able to pursue actual relationships that mean something to us due to a lack of familial approval, being forced to bear children at young ages due to familial pressure, and so on. they are not laughing matters, and are a part of my reality. and before some of you get started—yes, it really is that serious. i have struggled my entire life with having white girls poke fun and tease at my cultural norms, and i refuse to allow another white and privileged individual who already has a record of racially related discourse walk away with once more poking fun at my personal struggles and not be called out for it. i hope you had a good, long, satisfying laugh emmie.

onto my next points based on claims @/anantaru has made about me. the main thing i’d like to really point out here is that anantaru and i have never, not even once, interacted to the extent of my knowledge. they claim that cat and i cannot stand it when people cross us in numbers and that we go through people’s likes in order to find minors and blank blogs to explain all the notes. a) i am very bad at checking for minors and blanks in my own notes, so this is not even a logical approach on my end, but b) this claim is made because cat made this post under the tags of a post going around last year that asked to hear unpopular ficblr opinions.

what cat means to articulate here is that sometimes, when she is scrolling on dash and interacting with moots and their shit/talk-posts, she peeks at profiles she sees in the notes and has happened to catch minors lurking. cat, firstly, has never followed anantaru, so they are not a “victim” to cat glancing at their likes, but secondly, this is not nearly as psychotic as it’s painted out to be. cat is not, and was not, jealous of other blog's notes. quite plainly, she’s not exactly a tiny blog either, and she’s only stumbled upon minors in the talks-posts of moots, including me. shit-posts/talks-posts are easy to notice minors lurking on, and while most people recognize that it’s quite impossible to catch every minor and ageless blog in writing posts with numerous notes, a simple shit-post on dash is more simple, and her unpopular opinion was simply that blogs that grow rapidly need to be better about catching those minors because they are susceptible to having more of them lurking. it’s a really harmless sentiment, and she’s gently reminded me as well on more than one occasion to be more responsible about my habit of being lazy when scouting for minors in my interactions. 

this is not out of jealousy, nor is it some sick and twisted habit she has to “explain” why people get more notes than she might get. it’s also out of a place of concern for her own content ?? i myself and plenty of other large blogs reblog from mutuals, and they are well within their right to be concerned that perhaps minors are lurking on our pages and interacting with works we reblog from our mutuals. cat has voiced this concern to me before, also out of goodwill and simple concern for my content, her content, and minors in general. there is simply no need to twist it into her viciously looking down upon large blogs and their notes counts and claiming they’re “only because they don’t block minors.” admittedly, though, i do need to be better about catching minors, and i have always appreciated her trying to keep me in the habit of being responsible about it. more importantly, it was a small passing comment under a post of unpopular opinions, a lot of them were hot takes, and this is hardly a serious one to get so heated over. 

i’d also like to point out that anantaru has claimed we blocked them for being a gatekeeper and because we’re jealous of their notes. 💀. a) i am very grateful and very happy with the level of interaction i get on my writing, as more people than i imagine leave me countless comments and reblogs. i have never had an issue with comparing my interaction with that of other writers because i have always been abundantly content with the interaction i get. i have no other comment on this other than cat and i blocked anantaru at the same time because we happened to see a post of theirs reblogged onto our dash that made a joke that we felt was a bit insensitive to/alluded to SA—i’m sure it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, but it made us uncomfortable regardless. while we are both dark content supporters, and i myself have read more than one fic that includes noncon in particular, it doesn’t mean we have to like/enjoy everything related to it and we simply decided to block them. i’m not going to bring this post up bc it’s simply not important. they are an adult who is more than entitled to make jokes on their blog and cat and i do not have to like them !! we simply did what we were well within our rights to do, and that’s blocking them.

there’s more they go on to say about receiving hate asks and that apparently it’s because of our “group of friends.” cat and i don’t have a group of friends. i don’t have any group chats with her besides the one with her boyfriend because i get along with him sometimes as well, and we used to play genshin together a lot when i was in low ar. not that i have to explain my friendships here, but i quite literally do not have a group of people to “send after” anantaru because people are well aware of my close friends, who i text with my personal phone number. i’ve posted silly screenshots of convos on my blog multiple times, and none of these friends overlap because i do not have a “group” of friends, just individual friends who i talk to one on one. cat is not friends with my other friends, and my other friends are not friends with her. there are no inner circles that conspire together to send anyone hate because i “tell them to.” and if there are screenshots of me explicitly encouraging someone to send hate on anon, i would love to see it. if i had sent my anons after anantaru, it would have to be a public post, and i’m sure if there were a post of such nature, it would have been brought to light by now. they have also claimed they were given multiple urls of mine to block. i only have ONE writing blog, @/saetoru, and the only other two that are still up are archived blogs @/hanmine and @/katsuphilia, which are side blogs attached to saetoru and have been inactive for several months. there are however, multiple individuals on this app who also go by the name “tee,” and perhaps we have unfortunately been mixed up as the same person, but the only blog i have is saetoru, so there is no other active blog they have blocked me from that belonged to me and was able to harass them.

not only that, but anantaru has claimed that one person off anon sent them hate with a kaeya url which they insinuate to be me. once again, you are all more than aware of my history of urls, and many of you have all been here to see them. i’ve never once had a kaeya url, nor have i ever been particularly interested in kaeya outside of a small number of posts on a rare occasion. my genshin favorites have always been characters from sumeru and, at one point diluc, and once again i don’t have to ?? explain my selfships to you all ?? but literally, i have nothing to do with a kaeya blog or kaeya account, and im unsure why it’s being thrown into my name. quite frankly, i’m not sure  what their moot has told them we have said about them, but the only conversations cat and i have ever had about anantaru was that one about the noncon joke, and that’s it. outside of that, there is literally no evidence of us speaking about this person because it simply doesn’t exist. 

i implore you all to, instead of starting public discourse over things you hear, confirm them first. had anantaru reached out to me or cat and expressed that they are upset that we are supposedly spreading false rumors about them gatekeeping, then whatever misunderstanding it might have been could have been cleared. i would like to also point out that it is not above bullying when you simply dump numerous accusations that you have heard through half whispers from moots and provide 0 evidence for them. i am perfectly aware of why emmie may consider herself to have issues with me, but i have never had an encounter with anantaru, and truthfully, i’ve never actually even read their writing before. my main (and pretty much only) experience with them is seeing the joke i saw reblogged onto my dash, and as i stated earlier, the only thing i did for that was block and move one.

and lastly, the other point i’d like to make is that numerous blogs who i have been objectively very kind to have come out to take the opportunity to stomp on my character and reputation. for example, tumblr user @/osaemu, who used to follow me and interact with me quite often. i have always been excited to interact with her because she was really supportive of my gojo writing, and at one point, i had a small area of concern with her using the same exact title as me for a gojo fic. below are screenshots of our conversation regarding the titles.

i am quite confident that this is a very polite interaction, and i was very clear that i didn’t think that her writing elements, including gojo’s parent dynamics and his dynamics with the reader, were copied or even something that i felt she needed to change. i pointed them out as a way of indicating that between these parallels and between the fact that i know she reads my rb! gojo series, i find it difficult to believe that our fic titles being exactly the same is a coincidence, and it made me uncomfortable—my concern was not how she wrote gojo’s parents or his dynamic with reader. i never accused her of stealing ideas that were mine alone to use, all i simply wanted to do was shed light on the fact that based on these parallels, i figured the names being the same was a touch difficult for me to brush aside as a chance similarity. i was very clear to outline that i know these dynamics and themes in writing are generic, and that people can pull inspo from them because i have done the same thing. my only concern was the title, which i politely asked her to change, and she agreed. case closed. i have been, again objectively, quite kind to osaemu, and i had no intentions of blocking her like a moot had suggested because i felt it was a very silly issue to block over since she was very lovely to me. 

i did, however, block her because she posted one-paragraph posts with multiple characters tagged. that’s not a crime on her end, and i’m certainly not here to police her posts in the tags, but as me and plenty of other people on this app have voiced multiple times, it is a bit irritating and feels like spam to see posts of these kinds in the tags so i blocked her. this is a very popular opinion and i refuse to be considered problematic for it. i am not here to police what constitutes an appropriate post to tag x reader tags on, and while i have made posts simply sharing my opinion on what i feel should and should not be tagged, osaemu is more than welcome to post whatever she feels she would like to into the tags. i do, however, block anyone who i come across who makes those kinds of posts because i simply don’t like them, and i don’t like seeing them. i don’t owe an explanation for why i block anyone, but seeing as i have been painted as some bitch for doing so, here is my reasoning. quite a lot of people agree on this sentiment, and to each their own, but i don’t enjoy seeing those posts. i did also unblock her at one point, as she mentioned. this is simply because a mutual of mine had voiced that they felt someone had copied the concept of their drabble, and i was helping them word a message to send, so i went back to this exact conversation to look back on what i said because it was a similar situation. as you know, blocking someone hides their dms from your dm list, so i had intended to temporarily unblock her just to see how i worded my message to help formulate a message for a mutual. there were no screenshots sent, i simply wanted to jog my memory of my points, that’s all. i did forget to block her again for a bit but eventually did, and that’s the extent of our interactions. i don’t recall posts telling people that i condone sending anons with death threats like she has claimed, and if she could point out the particular posts i have made where i encourage people to send anon death threats on my behalf, i would be more than happy to clear them up, or address them. 

i have admittedly, on a few occasions said in my responses to anon hate itself, the phrase “kys” out of frustration, and there are i’m sure conflicting opinions on that, but i do not regularly use this phrase in my vocabulary. i have been on the receiving end of graphic sexual and violent asks in my inbox regarding me, my teenage sister, and my mother, during my time on here, and sometimes out of frustration i have said less than dignified things, but this is not a constant behavior, and frankly, i think once people make graphic, violent, and inappropriate comments about my 16 year old sister, saying “kys” in response is not the greater of the two evils. it is a tad bit hypocritical to expect benevolence from me to an anonymous hate ask just because there is “another person” at the end of the screen when they have not extended the same sentiment to me.  

all of that being said, jumping on the trend to trample on someone while you have the opportunity to because you’re bitter they blocked you is also no better than bullying. apart from blocking osaemu, I have taken careful steps to always be respectful to her due to the very kind comments she’s left on my writing. leaving nice comments on my writing is deeply appreciated and welcome, but that doesn’t mean i have to subject myself to seeing posts i do not want to see on my dash on my phone. i pay for the phone bill, so i will cater my phone to show me what i want to see, and if that includes blocking a few people, i am allowed to do that !! i should not have to apologize for or be crucified for blocking someone and their feelings being hurt over it. 

not only this, but several of you have somehow started a rumor that i am 26 or even pushing 30. that’s nowhere close to the truth. i’m 21, soon to be 22, and i have stated multiple times i am an undergraduate college student. of course, there is no timeline to college, and people of all ages complete their undergrad degrees, but i have made it a point to vent about my concerns numerous times that i am very stressed about taking extra classes every semester to compensate for changing my major late because i want to graduate on time. my graduation year is 2024 (as would make sense seeing as i will be 22 years old), and if you don’t believe me, i have celebrated my bday on april 12th of every year this blog has been active. you’re more than welcome to check my archive to see if that’s true, and for further reference, here is a picture i have sent to mods of servers i am in to be accepted. (note that my url used to be hanmas before saetoru.)

although there is no shame in being 26 or pushing 30, the reason why i wanted to address this is that i wanted to point out that yet another rumor has been fiercely pushed on my name and has been believed to be the truth. no one has to walk away from reading this post assuming that i’m a saint and i have never done anything wrong or that i have been faultless in differences i’ve had with other people. but a lot, if not all, of these claims are exaggerated with 0 evidence, and people have just run with claiming them as true. i physically cannot deny a large majority of these rumors with evidence or screenshots because half of them are made by people i have never interacted with or talked to, and i cannot produce evidence for interactions that never happened. i have seen blank, burner blogs post stories of their experiences with me, one in particular that claims i dm’d them to tell them their hanma fic was breathtaking before i harassed them about their theme, boyfriend, and parents. a) i do not dm anyone to compliment their fics because i am simply too shy to do that. i would have only reblogged the fic with comments if i enjoyed it. b) again, there is no evidence on their part, and i cannot dispel this story with evidence of my own because evidence of conversations that never took place does not exist. and c) i would like to think i do not come across as dense enough to attack someone in their dm’s viciously about their boyfriend and parents openly with my account, where they could easily spread the proof around if it had actually happened. i am not responsible for people’s internet literacy, and if people believe every story that is shared with not even a small piece of proof that it took place, i cannot do anything besides simply urge you all to formulate your opinions based on what you see, not based on what you hear. 

i would also like to end things off with an apology to all of you—mainly because there was no reason for so many of you to be dragged into something that did not involve you and also because there are very disturbing and important issues going on right now in real-time in the world that are affecting a lot of people. i never want to be involved in something that takes attention off of important discussions such as genocide, and while many of you like to claim i am deflecting, i think it is quite telling that some people have posted nothing about something this important but have made multiple posts regarding discourse. i did not feel it was appropriate at that time to focus on discourse, and i still do not think so, but i wanted to leave off with my own statement.

i would also like to apologize if i have ever come across as unkind during an experience with me; it is never my intention to be that way purposely. i have a habit of being petty sometimes and can be a bit short-tempered, and it’s something i work on. with as large of a following as i have, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all than say it—however vaguely it might be. i hope some of you who also have larger followings keep that in mind so that you can avoid discourse erupting into something grand scale. please vent to people you trust and be wary of having a habit to subpost. but mainly, please remember that people trusting you with their feelings and troubles is not something you should take pride in spreading. there is nothing to be proud of about sharing people's private socials, urls, and conversations. while i am not always able to keep my temper under wraps, and while i have had my fair share of petty moments, i, to the best of my ability, have always made sure that i don’t come across as intentionally cruel or mean, nor have i purposely broken someone’s trust. sometimes i have retaliated back a bit fiercely, but i stand by the fact that i never purposely chased or drove anyone off, mocked or belittled them, or sent people over to dislike/hate them. i have at times vented to those who i believe are people i can trust, sure—but this is something we as people are all guilty of. there’s no way any of us can hold one person more accountable than others for partaking in closeted conversations that are never meant to get back to people and hurt them. 

i genuinely loved, and still love, writing very much, and i have always appreciated every ask, every reblog, and every comment. writing is a hobby i am greatly passionate about, and it’s always a hobby i was very excited to share with people on here because i don’t get to share it with people irl. i don’t willingly tell people irl that i enjoy making elaborate plots about anime characters, and i have always been very excited to share that hobby with you all, whether you are a reader or writer. i’ve read fanfiction for a very long time before i ever decided to try my hand at writing it, and i would never want to knock other people down simply because they “surpassed” me. i enjoy finding writers to read from, especially those who write better than me, because they are where i draw the most inspiration and motivation from. the moots i look up to most are moots who are in my opinion, far stronger writers than me, and moots who i always firmly believe deserve much more reach than i do on their stories because they’re far more fleshed out and in-depth than anything i can produce. and i am proud of them !! and even those of you who feel you are stuck not getting as much reach as you would hope, i am proud also of all of you for picking up a google doc or pen and writing and trying, whether you choose to share it or not. i will always strongly encourage you all to try your hand at writing if you have ever considered it because i have genuinely built such a better sense of self-esteem when being able to incorporate pieces of myself in my stories and express parts of who i am—i think some of you might really enjoy the catharsis that writing brings, and if you ever debate on trying it out, please do !! you might become really passionate about it. 

anyway, this post is abysmally long. none of it is to clear my name in hopes that i will be “un-canceled” (LOL) because i have decided saetoru is long overdue to be put to rest. i hope you can all, at the very least, allow other writers some peace and stop harassing them in their inboxes for knowing me (because that is also bullying and very ironic of you), and i hope you all got some sort of understanding of where i am coming from. if you think poorly of me, that’s okay. i have an opinion of myself, and the close people who surround me, that i am confident in, and while i may not have always handled things in the brightest of manners, i am well aware of what my intentions have always been. 

i’m deeply grateful to all 41k of you, and thank you for reading my works and allowing me to write for you !! thank you for all the very, very kind asks that i never got a chance to fully answer each one of, and thank you especially for all the supportive comments and love on the writing i’ve posted. they might be silly fics you read once and moved on from, but they’re all pieces of me, my life, and things that are important to me, and as cringe and cheesy as it sounds, it means quite literally everything to me when people read them and take away something from them. 

also, as a parting gift, i will be posting the nerd gojo, ex-convict geto, and a marriage rb! gojo fic to my ao3 (also saetoru) for those of you who have been patiently awaiting those wips to enjoy. please (a little more patiently) keep your eyes peeled for those <3 i will no longer be posting or active on saetoru, and in the event that i keep writing, it will be posted on my ao3, so you all will know where to find me !!

so for the last time, i love you my little runts !! wishing you all the best, and goodbye to my lil saetoru bestees. 

mwah !!

— tee <3

ps. i also have turned off reblogs for this post and limited replies to people i follow only. a lot of you will jump to say that it’s simply because i am “hiding,” but it is solely because i have said my piece and i intend to move on. thank you and have a lovely day shawtee ✌🏽

[number-onekidqueen]

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

I don’t think you guys understand how much I love this song. So here’s some fluff, which you guys wanted most in that little poll.

Luke Castellan x Apollo!reader

warnings: brief mentions of Luke's quest ptsd, nightmares, mentions of death by monsters.

summary: you and luke have known how nice it was to have a friend for years. And then it becomes something more.

Based on 'It's Nice to Have a Friend' by Taylor Swift.

winter of meeting (fourteen years old)

It was the first time you’d ever seen snow.

As the final conch horn echoed throughout camp and activities ceased, you’d exchanged the friendship bracelet you’d been making with Luke, giggling at the messy pattern he’d made.

You’d only known each other for a little while, but already you could tell that arts and crafts were not his strong points.

“Whatever,” he was grumbling, although he was also grinning as the two of you ambled out of the craft cabin. “Woah.”

You felt it then, the cold flakes fluttering on your skin, causing hairs to raise all over you. The pair of you stood, shivering and in awe as you faced towards Olympus, watching as the white flurries swirled down through the grey sky.

“Let’s go,” he urged you, throwing a jacket on, “this barely ever happens they say. We’ve gotta savour it while we can.”

“I-I haven’t got a coat with me,” you pointed out awkwardly, cursing yourself for not noticing the cold temperatures beforehand.

“Oh,” and he immediately ripped his coat off and placed it on your shoulders before you could protest. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to your cabin for your coat and then we can have some fun.”

Slipping and sliding through the snow you went, reaching your cabin in no time. Already the snow had grown thick, and you took advantage of this, making wonky snow angels and pelting snow balls at each other. This fun and mania continued until others joined and it became so violent and competitive, Chiron had to intervene.

To appease everyone, however, he promised a night of camping on the beach in tents. You remembered how you’d stayed up so late that night, talking and talking and talking. You never got sick of it, and in the close and fun atmosphere, it was so nice to have a friend.

summer he came back (seventeen years old)

The pink sky was so spacious and beautiful from up here. It was many a night you’d ascended up onto the Hermes cabin roof, but you didn’t think it had ever been so scenic.

You hoped your dad was giving a fantastic sky show to Luke after all the shit he’d been through.

“You guys have gotta get dow-“

“We’re literally counsellors too! Go away!” You screamed at the pesky Demeter counsellor, glaring at him until he left you in peace. Couldn’t he take a hint? Couldn’t you guys be left in peace for a fraction of a second?! It wasn’t like you guys had a curfew anyway.

To break the tense silence, you decided to play twenty questions. It was a tradition of yours, and you couldn’t exactly remember when you first played it, just that it was a game you played often. You hoped it would cheer Luke up from the miserable place he had been since he returned to camp from his quest.

“What was…. The goofiest thing you saw on your quest?” You asked, smiling.

He grinned weakly, seeming to rack his brain as he gazed at the sunset. “Um, oh! Probably this guy we saw on the bus. He had these maroon gloves, and uh, a completely orange jumpsuit thing and all he did the whole trip was eat celery.”

“What? No way.” You said in disbelief, shaking your head.

“No, he was insane, just like crunching away at these sticks of celery for about an hour, I swear.”

You continued like this for a while, asking silly questions and snickering until your stomachs ached. But the deeper questions came too.

“Do you still have nightmares?” You were scared to ask this question, scared that it overstepped. Sure, you were best friends and you’d talked about these deep, close and personal things many times before, but Luke had changed when he came back. He was more sensitive, more traumatised. He hadn’t cracked with you, but he had with Chris, and that was still saying something. You didn’t want to fracture the shaky relationship you’d fought to rebuild.

“Yeah,” he replied, and you drew closer as he let out a shaky exhale, “they keep coming, and I just can’t get away from them.”

“What’s in them?”

“It starts off pretty normal. I’m usually with you somewhere and we’re doing something for camp. And then-then this gap opens beneath your feet- and you fall, and, and you’re screaming the whole way down. And then this evil, dark voice comes out and sometimes I can hear it, but usually it just mutters all these weird phrases I can’t understand.”

“What does it tell you when you can hear?” You were both curious and concerned.

“It’s weird. That if I follow it, it can show me a world where no one I care about gets hurt, and I can protect them all. Sometimes, I get these glimpses of this warm, golden place and everyone’s happy and safe. But then I’m just scared again.”

There was a brief silence, allowing both of you to mull over the words just spoken.

“My go,” and his eyes were soft when he faced you, “Apollo been answering your prayers?”

You shook your head, blinking back the tears in your eyes at the thought. Of course he knew. He was Luke Castellan.

“I thought so. You deserve so much better than him.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a god, right?” You said weakly, brushing tears, “bad parenting is part of their jam.”

You fought the tears that continued to build, thinking of a way to change the subject. “This questioning is getting so depressing, geez.”

“Well, it’s your go. You lighten the mood.” He offered, leaning back on his elbows.

“Ok. I can’t think of anymore! Uhh, on a scale of 1 to 10 how important am I to you?” You joked, covering your mouth as you chuckled quietly.

He wasn’t laughing back though. In fact, his face was earnest.

“10.” He replied softly, and his hand reached forward and brushed yours.

And you treasured that evening in your memory. It was so nice to have a friend.

spring of new beginnings (twenty five years old)

The clanging of bells signified both your successes as you’d reached the adult years of life. Even at 25, you and Luke were lucky to be alive.

You both didn’t want to waste anymore time.

Laughter erupted from you, as he scooped you into his arms, carrying you away from Big House and the cacophony of ricocheting metal courtesy of the Hephaestus and Hecate cabins, and the grass strewn with snow flake like rice grains.

You’d had the celebration at camp, but you were planning to drive back to your home - a new apartment in New York.

And here you were. Humming along to the high notes of a nostalgic song on your playlist, waiting for Luke to come back with his take out, and drumming your fingers on your cream skirt. Despite the fact that he’d stuffed his face with entrees that Demeter kids had lovingly and tediously created back at camp, he was still starving by the time you’d spent a while on the road. Truth be told, you were too, but given the fact you were still in your wedding dress, you didn’t want to risk any stains.

The loud and cheery tune of your ringtone distracted you from your thoughts, and after a bit of scrambling, you picked up, noticing it was Luke.

“Luke, babe, I swear I gave you the credit card, it isn’t in here.”

“Uh, ouch, no there’s no problem with that,” he explained, chuckling. “That creamy sauce is still your favourite, right? With wings?”

“Yeah?” you said, confused. “But I’m not hungry remember? Just buy food for yourself, and get outta there before we hit peak hour traffic.”

“Oh yeah, I just noticed it’s a few cents cheaper than normal sauce.” You could hear him munching softly now, so you assumed he was on his way out. Thank the gods.

“Ok?? And you seriously called me for that?” You asked, more amused now, but still very confused.

“Ooh, you’re right, I better watch my step, any more communication and my wife will divorce me.” He teased.

You sputtered a bit at wife, trying not to choke. You still weren’t used to it. You didn’t think you ever would be.

“I know you’re blushing in there.” He called over the phone, except now you could see him exiting the store, boxes piled in his arms.

“Whatever,” you mumbled, hanging up and trying to calm your burning cheeks.

When he entered the car, the sucker still had that grin on his face as he passed you a box of wings and a little tub of your favourite sauce.

“Huh?” You asked him, a smile spreading.

“Y/n, I think even Mr D. has enough intuition skills to know you were craving some wings. Let’s eat.”

And you beamed at him, because of course your Luke knew when you desperately wanted food and would go and procure it for you.

The car trip was a lot shorter when the both of you were licking your fingers and passionately singing your favourite songs off-key. It seemed only moments had passed before you were turning into the parking lot underneath your apartment, stacking any box you could carry in your arms, and sandwiching bags between each limb.

Thankfully, the elevator wasn’t broken, and you were able to take that up to the three floors it took to reach your apartment. Outside the door was your landlord, a steaming coffee mug in one hand and a set of keys in the other.

You bit your lip anxiously as he scanned his eyes over you, his lips twisting in amusement at your dress.

“Nice outfit,” he sniped, taking a sip of the hot black liquid.

“I certainly thought so.” Luke chimed in, taking the keys from the man and unlocking the door. He led you in by the shoulder. “She looks beautiful, just like always.”

And then the door was shut, and you were bent over giggling quietly, casting grateful looks at him while Luke side-eyed the door.

You’d barely been a moment in your new place, but it already felt like home with him. As you personalised the place further and more and more of your belongings from camp hung on the walls, lay on the floor and were tucked into corners, a sense of belonging crept into your heart. You loved this place. You loved Luke.

Walking swiftly into the bedroom, you collapsed onto the mattress he was setting up, tugging him down with you.

He groaned happily, as you carded your fingers through his hair.

“Let’s just lie here for a while and not do anymore unpacking,” you whispered to him breathily, as you settled into his side.

“Mmmm, not a while. How about the whole weekend?” He mumbled, as his arms snaked around you, pulling you in closer.

And in the warmth of that bed it was the same comfortable feeling you’d felt with him all those times before.

It was nice to have a friend lover.

[timetogetfeisty]

can we talk about this scene for a second.

numerous times, heart insists to mad rat that he’s his heart (“I’m really glad that I’m your heart” “I’m your heart. How can I go away?” “Of course! I’m your heart!”) while knowing that he isn’t actually mad rat’s heart, but rather his own that the scientist gave to him. he tries to tell mad rat as such in mini moon (“I.. I’ve actually died once before..”) since he knows he’s about to die, but he can’t because he knows what’s going to happen.

after seeing mad rat’s character change and evolve as he turns back time to save the black cat and the girl, heart realizes that if mad rat knew that he died for him, he would try to save him too, and he doesn’t want that. he doesn’t want mad rat to turn back the clock and die for him, so he does his best to keep his true nature a secret.

except when rat god turns back time.

mad rat sees the situation for what it is, and grapples with it while heart rants about how they have to find a way to defeat rat god- before he interrupts him and says this. a single line, yet so effective at disrupting the pattern we’ve seen so many times of heart insisting that he is his heart and that he’s on his side. because why would another animal- especially a cat- want to help a little rat?

heart responds, surprised (“You were conscious?!”) implying again that he didn’t want mad rat to know, but now that he’s seen it for himself, he has no choice but to confess and explain. he tries his best to insist that he’s fine with dying with mad rat, but knows that disrespecting mad rat’s last wish would be as bad as what rat god did.

so he agrees to help him- albeit reluctantly- and when mad rat does set heart free, he reassures him that “What you were.. doesn’t matter! You’re still my heart.”

[homestuckreplay]

Explore Remix (This Time It's Wobbly)

(page 827-835)

This is a neat segment, opening and closing with pesterlogs we’ve seen before, filling in some gaps and bookending three really important things: Dave’s monologue, Jade’s FreshJamz, and the Midnight Crew. One small thing stands out - ‘He is undoubtedly gallivanting around his house in a state of barely restrained birthday mirth.’ (p.827) is a strange perspective on John, and sounds more like Jade herself. She doesn’t recognize him in the Midnight Crew comic (p.831) either, so she doesn’t know what he looks like and also doesn’t really see below the surface of his personality.

Dave’s monologue. Dave messages Jade at 23:14 Jade time which is 05:14 Dave time which means this guy does NOT have a good sleep schedule. In his living situation it’s not surprising if he struggles to sleep due to always having one eye open for the next trap. Dave clearly leans on his friends a lot, and they have subtly different roles – John is who he messages about an unexpected juice windfall, Rose is the person he pesters ‘like clockwork’ (p.415) because he can be honest with her about his feelings, and when he can’t sleep, he wants to talk to Jade.

Jade also helps Dave with the self-exploration he’s otherwise not comfortable with. He’s clearly joking when he’s creating his kangaroo rat fursona Akwete Purrmusk, but he’s still creating them. Jade has a FurAffinity account (p.834) and she’s gotta get Dave on there too so that he can start making ‘ironic’ furry art so many layers deep that it becomes sincere.

Dave – and more importantly Andrew Hussie – should not be using a homophobic slur on page 829, as it’s not in the context of reclaiming it. However. As a person who does sometimes reclaim that word I found it a pretty funny variant of the act 2 title [cw slurs if you click that].

FreshJamz! Jade’s music player confirms that all four kids compose music. John and Rose wrote their own themes, ‘Showtime’ and ‘Aggrieve’, both of which have been remixed by Dave. Jade composed ‘Explore’, which was featured in ‘WV: Ascend’ (I will stop talking about Jade-WV connections when they stop showing up) and now Dave has remixed this too. Dave and Jade co-wrote the top tier ‘Crystalanthemums’, and it is very cute to imagine the two of them trading this file back and forth and building on each other’s work. Jade is not a gamer, and John, Rose and Dave have spent a lot of time playing games together, so this media player establishes a shared interest between Jade and the rest of the group.

Midnight Crew. I don’t think page 831 breaks the fourth wall, more like it puts two or three additional fourth walls up, and man do they destroy the image quality. This image doesn’t correspond to an exact page or quote in ‘real’ Homestuck, but it’s based on the events of p.163-165. I think it’s VERY relevant that John is referred to as ‘GT’ here, which are the Pesterchum initials he would have had if he followed his friends’ pattern (TT, TG and GG). And this is happening five pages after we’ve seen a bunch of new chumhandles.

We currently know of [GT/EB], TT, TG, GG, CG, AG, TA, TC and CA. Using only G, T, C and A, we are missing seven possible combinations: GC, GA, AT, AC, AA, CC and CT (which is my initials so I could get assigned a chumhandle!) I think four of these could correspond to the Midnight Crew, but that still leaves eight unaccounted for characters. It may be a coincidence, but these four letters correspond to the base pairs of DNA, and ‘biologist’ and ‘geneticist’ both show up in chumhandles. I’m uncertain of what this means right now, but there is a laboratory near Rose’s house decorated with the Skaian spirograph. If that’s where the mausoleum tunnel leads, that might give us more information.

I think the Midnight Crew is objectively a worse comic than Homestuck. It’s on Act 1031 (10/31, Halloween) but the story is still establishing its titular characters and having them hit each other with sticks. No wonder Dave’s fallen off this so fast. But I also think this is going to become important, and these stories are deeply entangled – Midnight Crew is a story within Homestuck but Homestuck is a story within the Midnight Crew and it’s not impossible that the Homestuck we are reading could also be zoomed out to find another Midnight Crew. More concretely, the player submitting commands could be one of these four characters, similarly shiny and carapaced to WV, the commander we’ve seen.

The beta kids are four thirteen year olds, and the Midnight Crew are four suits of thirteen playing cards – so they’re like a counterpart group, the after dark, morally questionable version. Time is complex in this story but it would be fun if any time it hits midnight for a Homestuck character, the story switches over to the Midnight Crew before the sun comes up, as is suggested by the sun/moon clock at the start of page 833 – something like the Flatland MSPA[LINK].

MSPA, where Midnight Crew and Homestuck are hosted, is also the only piece of media all four kids are into – John, Dave and Jade have all looked at Midnight Crew (p.112, 327, 833), while John and Rose both have Problem Sleuth art (p.11, 224). The Problem Sleuth characters also show up briefly in Act 1031, indicating that it was the previous MSPA in this universe as well as ours. So my new theory is that John, Rose, Dave and Jade all met on the MSPA forums prior to or at the start of Problem Sleuth, giving them over a year before the story starts to form close friendships to the extent of exchanging addresses and birthday gifts. Given that the forums are where commands are submitted in our world, it would be a cool addition to the many meta layers.

> Jade: Navigate to MSPA Forums and submit a command for the Midnight Crew.

[theofficialastronomy101]

BREAKING NEWS: A Repeating Radio Signal Is Coming From Another Earth-Like Planet, Scientists Say.

The 1st Live Alien Signal Received From Another Galaxy?Scientists have spotted a repeating radio signal from a nearby star system that hints at the presence of a magnetic field around one of its Earth-sized planets, reports a new study. 

Earth’s magnetic field has played a critical role in the survival of life by shielding the surface from the Sun’s harmful radiation and helping to maintain a stable atmosphere that nourishes our biosphere. For this reason, scientists think that extraterrestrial life, if it exists, might also depend on the presence of robust magnetic fields around exoplanets, which are worlds that orbit other stars.

Scientists have previously observed the magnetic fields of giant Jupiter-scale exoplanets interacting with their host stars, as part of a process called magnetic star-planet interactions (SPIs). However, Earth-sized exoplanets give off much weaker magnetic signals compared to gas giants, making it difficult to detect magnetism around rocky worlds. Sebastian Pineda, a research scientist at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and Jacqueline Villadsen, an assistant professor at Bucknell University, have spent years searching for these elusive signs of magnetic fields around small planets. Now, the pair of astronomers present unprecedented evidence of repeated radio bursts that may be linked to a magnetic field around the Earth-sized exoplanet YZ Ceti b, which is located just 12 light years from our solar system. 

YZ Ceti b completes an orbit in just two days, which means it is way too close to its star to host life, but this ultrashort year also “makes it a uniquely promising case study for magnetic SPIs,” according to a study published on Monday in Nature Astronomy. It was super exciting to see the radio data sets show this kind of signature,” Pineda said in an email to Motherboard. “We saw the initial burst detection, and immediately went about coordinating observations for additional monitoring, based on the published planet period, since we were looking for something that happens at the same time in the planet’s orbit. Once we had the additional data, Jackie was looking at it, and was telling me: ‘hey, there are similar radio signals here, right when we were looking and hoping to see them,’” he continued. “It was a bit of feverish excitement: ‘wow, we may really have it here!!’ I’m pretty sure I started pacing around, imagining our next steps: alright, we’ve got work to do to really demonstrate this result, with all the implications etc.”

In their hunt for these signals, Pineda and Villadsen focused their attention on short-period small planets, because they might have a more visible magnetic signature as a result of their proximity to their stars. As these worlds hurtle through their orbits, any magnetic field they might possess could interact with the star’s own magnetic field, creating a pattern of radio bursts from the star that can be potentially seen here on Earth. 

The researchers think they might have seen these repeat bursts from the YZ Ceti system, but they caution that it’s not a slam-dunk case. It’s possible that the signals are a normal part of the radio stellar activity of stars like YZ Ceti, which is a slowly rotating red dwarf, which would mean that its emission may have nothing to do with any planets in the system. “There are still too many unknowns about the system, but I’d say we are demonstrating the potential of radio data and magnetic star-planet interactions to lead toward measurements of Earth-sized exoplanet magnetic field strengths—I don’t think we’re really there yet,” Pineda said. “So, we want to continue to monitor the star with the radio observatories, and look for additional recurrence of the radio signals that occur periodically with the same position of the planet in its orbit,” he added. “It can be time consuming and a bit challenging to set up, but that’ll confirm that the radio detections are indeed dependent on the planet, and not something that the star is doing on its own.” If this does turn out to be the first detection of magnetic SPI around an Earth-sized exoplanet, it could help scientists hunt for habitable worlds in other stars. The caveat is that looking for magnetic signatures around rocky worlds in the habitable zones of their stars, where liquid water and life are considered more likely to exist, would be tricky because these planets have much larger orbits. This distance from stars may be an advantage for any hidden aliens out there, but it also makes the magnetic interactions between stars and planets far weaker, to the point that some may not be detectable at all.

However, the new study offers a potential example of the types of signals you might expect to see from a system that contains a magnetically shielded planet that is similar in size to Earth. With time and practice, scientists might be able to zero-in on interesting targets, Pineda said, as part of a wider approach to assessing the odds that life might exist on other worlds. First off, fully confirming magnetic field strengths on exoplanets is a requisite for any broader understanding of habitability,” he explained. “It’s not just a temperature question, but the whole star-planet system needs to be thought about holistically, with magnetism as an important ingredient. “So, if we know these exoplanets have magnetic fields from the SPI work, we can start to think about questions like what are the properties of those planets, and thus how do the habitable zone planets compare, and what are the chances that they too have similar magnetic fields, even if we can’t measure them yet for the [habitable zone] planets specifically,” Pineda concluded. “If you can infer then that a planet likely has its own field, that’s when you can start thinking about whether individual planets are truly hospitable.”

[actual-changeling]

no, yes I understand that. i understand that crowley does not want to be an angel again. everyone understands that crowley does not want to be an angel again. saying that crowley never fully expressed this to aziraphale except in general anger at the system and The Way Things Are is not a diss on crowley. just from what we’ve seen, he didn’t. it’s just an unfortunate thing that happened when aziraphale and crowley’s respective mindsets and traumas clashed. the show isn’t calling out aziraphale and saying “look at this toxic person. he is the problem.” it’s calling out an abusive system and how it fucks up people in different ways and how those people try and, sometimes fail, cope with it.

First of, no one is "pointing" at Aziraphale and saying he is the problem, at least I am not.

Discussing a character's flaws, mistakes, and hurtful actions is not pointing, it's called having a nuanced discussion; just because I don't try and excuse all of his bullshit with "but he loves Crowley :(" doesn't mean I hate him. And no, not everyone understands that Crowley does not want to return to heaven, I have seen many, many posts DIRECTLY saying that he does.

Is it an abusive system? Yes.

Does that mean Aziraphale gets a free pass to hurt Crowley and not work on himself? No. No it very much does not. It's not fucking unfortunate, it's a lack of respect for the person he claims to love.

BECAUSE it is an abusive system he needs to work harder to unlearn all the shit they push into people's heads. Crowley has done so. Gabriel and Beelzebub have done so. Several demons and angels have done so. Aziraphale has not—and that is his responsibility and his failure, not anyone else's, and not something that can be written off as "but he's having a hard time :((".

Yeah, so is everyone else, and you don't see Crowley being that cruel and hurtful.

Aziraphale refusing to listen to Crowley is not on Crowley for "miscommunicating", it's on Aziraphale for NOT LISTENING. The show is calling out people being lazy and prioritising their personal comfort over everything else, just like Aziraphale is doing. It's calling out individuals continuing abusive, unhealthy patterns because they're "afraid" of change.

Failing to cope means you stay the fuck away from people until you can cope. Mental illness and trauma do not give you a free pass to not work on yourself jesus fucking christ.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

WOMAN OF MANY WORDS

moiraine damodred x fem!reader, w/c: 1125

UPDATE i wrote this before finishing season 2 so writing this i had no idea what the aes sedai is so we’re pretending it’s some fun little thing where u just show off ur little powers yeah?

summary: you fail the test of becoming an aes sedai, but moiraine is there to comfort you

You tried desperately hard to focus on the book in your lap. It was the only distraction you could get your hands on, but it was hardly worth having anyway.

Your mind kept going back to the horrible events of the afternoon. You’d taken the test at the White Tower to see if you had enough ability to be recognized as an Aes Sedai — you had been training under the radar with Moiraine ever since you’d met her on the road to Tar Valon, a casual fling that had quickly led to more, and when she’d figured out you could channel she had used it as an excuse to take you with her while she searched for the Dragon. When the two of you had arrived at the White Tower months later, Moiraine had worked ceaselessly in making a deal with the Amyrlin to let you skip White Tower training for beginner Aes Sedai and let you take the test to pick an ajah.

You had completely blown it. When it came time to prove yourself you’d completely frozen, and when you had finally calmed yourself enough to channel you’d fumbled so badly that you had ended up flinging yourself, and the other present Aes Sedai, against a stone wall… hard. You were lucky to have left without any broken bones.

Every time you thought about it you were almost brought to tears. The test was so important to you, you had been tirelessly training for months on the road and never before had you thought you would be able to be a recognized Aes Sedai until now.

You knew it was important to Moiraine, too — she had been the one to teach you, mentor you, she had been the first one to find out that you could channel. It had brought you together, and had been what started your relationship together. And she had worked so hard for you to be able to take the test early. She was exhausted on your behalf.

The front door to your cottage opened, and a wave of humiliation overcame you. You knew it was Moiraine, and while usually you would be rejoicing in her presence, this time you were wrought with embarrassment.

Her heels clicked persistently on the stone floor. Your stomach dropped with every passing moment, until you felt her presence in the living room with you.

“How did it go?” You heard her ask excitedly, and you could hardly force yourself to turn to face her. She was smiling, for the first time in a while.

When you didn’t respond, her smile fell. Quickly she came to sit by you on the sofa, taking your hands in her own.

“What happened?” She asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did you pass?”

Again, you didn’t respond.

“Darling,” she urged, moving one of her hands to your jaw, forcing you to meet the intensity of her gaze. “Did you pass?”

“No,” you said, on the verge of tears. You were hardly keeping your composure, panic and guilt rising in your chest. “They want to start me way back at the beginning with the new channelers who can hardly weave with a single thread.”

“No, no, I won’t let that happen,” Moiraine said, pulling you into her arms, your book forgotten to the coffee table in front of you. “I promise.”

You hid your face in the crook of her neck, letting her embrace you soothingly, her hands running mindless patterns down your back. “It was so awful,” you whispered, and the tears were falling now, unstoppable. “I was so embarrassed, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces. They must’ve thought I’d never channeled before at all.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” she said softly. “I know how hard you’ve been working. We’ve hardly gotten a second to rest since we’ve gotten to Tar Valon, and aside from that, I’m the only Aes Sedai you’ve channeled with.”

“But I know how difficult it was for you to get me a chance to test,” you choked out. Panic was consuming you entirely, your breathing beginning to go shallow, lungs perpetually empty. “I don’t want you to be disappointed with me.”

“Look at me,” Moiraine said. Her tone was so firm that you didn’t dare defy her, slowly raising your head and meeting her gaze. “I could never be disappointed in you. All I ever want is your happiness. If that comes from you becoming an Aes Sedai, then I’ll make you an Aes Sedai. If it doesn’t, then you don’t have to be. I only want what you want, and I’ll never be ashamed of the times you try and fail, it only means a different approach is needed.”

You nodded, and after a moment you rested your head in the crook of her neck again, sighing and letting your eyes fall closed as you began to calm down and the tears subsided. You still felt horrible, but her presence and her love made it more bearable. Her affirmations and adoration fed your soul, let it be healed.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said suddenly, her voice warm, genuine. She looked down at you with such love in her eyes that it almost made you start crying again.

“For what?” You asked, your voice hoarse.

She offered you a small smile, shrugging. “Everything.”

“You’re a woman of many words.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “I’m glad you’re finding solace in telling jokes at my expense.”

You smiled. “I am, actually. I have a couple more, if you-”

She cut you off by pulling you into a kiss. Her lips crashed into yours with fervor, and you could feel every bit of her love in the way she devoured you, claiming you as her own. Involuntarily you started crying again, and when you pulled away she held your head in her hands, wiping away the tears that streamed down your cheeks.

“Why are you crying, love?”

The ghost of a smile passed over your lips. “I don’t really know.”

“A woman of many words, hm?”

At this you laughed, allowing her to pull you back into her arms as she laid down on the sofa, you laying partially on top of her as you rested your head on her chest.

“Now, do you want to talk about what happened today?”

You sighed. “I flung Liandrin into a stone wall. Hard.”

Moiraine grinned, and you could tell she was resisting a laugh.

“It’s not funny,” you whined.

“It is, just a bit. I wish I’d been there to see it.”

And suddenly, the weight of the test wasn’t so great anymore. You still carried it, but Moiraine carried it with you, and in her love you could’ve borne anything.

[pink-pkmn-trainer]

y'all i finally finished it. here it is, my first kingleader fic.

****

“Jax, this isn't funny, give it back!!” Gangle cried out.

“Ha! Nope~” the bunny replied, holding the basket just out of Gangle's reach.

Kinger paid no mind to their bickering, he was too busy looking for the eggs that were hidden around the circus. Caine had arranged a special Easter egg hunt for the day's adventure, which everyone was very excited about. But Kinger had yet to find a single egg, which was very discouraging.

As he looked around the room for any potential hiding spots, his gaze fell upon his impenetrable fortress. The pillow fort, of course! What better place to hide an egg? He quickly shuffled over and crawled inside.

He didn’t have to look around for long, as right in the middle of the fort, there sat a particularly large egg, almost like it was meant to be found. He picked up the egg and examined it closely, it was purple in hue and decorated with little red butterflies, and it was indeed a lot bigger than the eggs he had seen the others collect. As he continued to inspect it, a horizontal crack suddenly appeared around it. Curious, he lifted off the top of the egg. A huge pile of candy spilled out of the egg, startling him as several of them fell and bounced off of the floor.

After recovering from the initial shock, he noticed the type of candy it was. It didn’t seem like normal Easter-themed candy, in fact, it looked a lot more like Valentine’s Day sweets. Heart-shaped chocolates, pink and red jellybeans…he suddenly noticed there was a piece of paper in the middle of the egg. He pulled it out, realized it was a note, and read it:

‘My dear Kinger,

I decorated and hid this egg just for you. Happy Easter!

Sincerely, Caine’

Kinger felt a warm feeling growing in his chest. He was touched that Caine went out of his way to do this small thing for him, the ringmaster had even decorated the egg with butterflies, knowing how much Kinger loved insects. The chess piece had no idea what he’d done to earn this special treatment, but he was extremely grateful nonetheless.

The performers of the circus were all lined up on the stage, chatting amongst themselves while holding their individual baskets. The denture-headed ringmaster appeared in front of them and started to speak.

“That concludes The Amazing Digital Egg Hunt, everyone! Why don’t we go ahead and count the lovely eggs we’ve gathered?”

“I think I have about…17?” Pomni replied with uncertainty.

“I got 20!” Ragatha cheered.

“I don’t have any eggs…” Gangle mumbled between sniffles. Jax looked down at her and smirked. “Well, maybe you should work harder next time.”

“But you stole all my eggs from me…” 

Ragatha walked up to Jax with a stern expression. “Jax, give her back her eggs. She found them fair and square.”. Jax simply scoffed and turned his nose up at her. Zooble put a hand on Gangle’s shoulder and held their basket up to her. “Here, we can share mine.” Gangle looked at them and smiled gratefully.

Kinger didn’t notice any of this happening, he was too busy staring at the special egg in his hands, running his fingers over the little butterfly patterns. He only snapped out of his trance when Pomni spoke to him. “So, um…how many did you find?” 

“AH!! Oh, Pomni. Well, I actually only got one…” he held up his egg to show her.  She and the others all looked at it in awe.

“Aww, look at the little butterflies~!” Ragatha cooed.

“What the heck?!” Jax complained. “Where’d you even find that thing?! it’s huge, that’s not fair!!”

“What’s all the commotion here?” Caine inquired, floating over and quickly taking notice of the egg in Kinger’s hand. “Ah! It seems that you, my royal fellow, have located the super-rare Butterfly Egg!!”

Kinger looked up at the ringmaster and smiled at him with his eyes. “Thank you, Caine.”

“Wuh- I- Oh.” Caine stuttered, a soft pink blush appearing on his molars. “It’s- It’s no problem at all, m-my dear!”

Kinger chuckled quietly to himself, finding himself adoring the way that Caine stumbled over his words. The other performers watched this interaction from a distance.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Zooble turned to Gangle. The ribbon girl just nodded in response.

(sorry for the shitty ending lmao 😭 hope you guys enjoyed)

[5and3nevermind]

I was watching DDEUNDDEUN and I was in shock when I realized that Jimin was such a shy person with people and in places he is not used to. And even more shock that Yoon is such a talkative person and seems not to be intimidated in new places. Consuming only the boys' content is not this perception that they gave me, I would never imagine that they would be this way away from the other members. And the biggest shock was really realizing that yoonmin seem to be close to each other, since I always saw them as the duo Tom and Jerry and nothing else. Who would have thought… Did watching this show change your perception of the two of them in any way?

Anon, this is such a good question!

I agree that there are certain misconceptions about the guys based not only on content but on the fandom itself repeating these tropes over and over again while ignoring other information. Yes, Yoongi and Jimin sometimes have a Tom and Jerry dynamic, but there are also so many examples of them being kind, caring, supportive, and protective of each other.

In terms of Ddeun Ddeun and whether my perception changed, the answer is yes and no.

No because:

The show reinforced some things that I already believed. For instance, I already believed they were very close. Prior to Ddeun Ddeun I thought it was significant that Jimin was so concerned about Yoongi when he had his shoulder surgery (being the first to call him after the surgery, watching him do his shoulder rehab, calling him on the phone from award shows and lives so that he wouldn’t be left out, etc.) To me, these aren’t things people do unless they are very close. Another example was when they mentioned during the show that they’d get dinner together (just the two of them) afterwards. Again, this was not a surprise. They’ve mentioned hanging out together outside of work many times over the years. (For instance, going out for sushi in 2015, going out for fried chicken in 2015, Jimin seeing Yoongi playing with his parents’ dog Holly in 2016, staying up all night talking in 2016, becoming “drinking buddies” prior to Festa 2017, etc, etc.) My point is, there were some things that happened during the show that weren’t new; they were a continuation of patterns we’d seen for a long time.

On the other hand…

Yes because:

Jimin was so shy and it was clear that Yoongi wanted to comfort him. He spoke up when Jimin was quiet or hesitant, corrected one of the hosts when he misidentified the type of dance Jimin had studied, rubbed Jimin’s back in a reassuring way, etc. I think Yoongi has always been protective of Jimin, but the difference here was that it was so open and honest. Their body language was certainly noteworthy! Lots of patting each other on the hand or leg, hands on shoulders, leaning into one another, etc. While we have many affectionate moments scattered over the years, this was the most we’d ever seen in a single piece of content. And that surprised me. In fact, I thought their dynamic was so open and affectionate that I’d rank the show as the single most important piece of yoonmin content that we have.

This moment also said a lot:

This wasn’t a typical friendly “Love ya!” This seemed like something really sweet and was prompted by the hosts noticing how comfortable Jimin seemed with Yoongi. So, that was a big deal to me too.

Long story, short (too late!), I think how we perceive Ddeun Ddeun is partly dependent on how long we’ve been in the fandom and how invested we’d been in yoonmin prior to the show. They are a very subtle pair, so I think sometimes their special dynamic flies under the radar.

[hxllfires-gifs]

PAIRING. jere pöyhönen x gender neutral!reader

SUMMARY. during the grand final, jere is left sad and frustrated by the results, but he thankfully has his partner of two years by his side to cheer him up.

WORD COUNT. 965

THE RESULTS OF the Eurovision Grand Final wasn’t what most people in the Green Room had expected, Finland coming second rather than winning. Y/N L/N couldn’t help but to feel their heart break when they turned their head to see how their boyfriend was feeling after hearing the information. There was a sadness in Jere’s eyes that they could see, which they didn’t want to. Neither liked to see the other upset or in pain.

They sighed and laced their fingers together as a way to give him some comfort. They could tell that he needed it and wanted to help him in any way possible. He had worked so hard for months and he was hopeful that he’d win since there was so many people cheering him on. For a split second, it felt like that was for nothing.

The younger of the two rubbed their thumb over his knuckles, earning a small squeeze of their hand. The Finn ran his free hand through his hair as he attempted to push down the frustrated feelings blooming in his chest. It was so close yet so far.

Luke had come over to give Jere a hug, seeing that he was saddened by the end result. Y/N thanked him softly before he returned to his spot in the Green Room. Their attention then turned back to their lover, not really listening to Lorine’s performance, instead choosing to comfort the taller male. They did like ‘Tattoo’ but they were rooting for the man they loved more than anything.

Jere was first backstage once everything was over and he disappeared into one of the bathrooms, leaving his partner to wonder where he was at. However, they were aware of his patterns and how his brain worked, so they decided to search for him in the place where they thought he’d be.

Stood in front of the same bathroom, they knocked on the door gently. “My love, please let me in.”

They didn’t care how it looked, only caring about how Jere was doing. They heard some shuffling close to the door which opened up a few seconds later. They were met with Jere’s tear stained face and their eyes softened instantly, their heart seemingly breaking even more. They didn’t see how it couldn’t honestly.

They slipped into the bathroom and was sure to close the door behind them, locking it. Fresh tears fell from the man’s eyes. Y/N hadn’t seen him this sad in such a long time and all they wanted was to make him feel better. He was their cute boyfriend who was the embodiment of a puppy; he was always smiling and laughing and making them feel so much happier. Seeing him crying almost felt wrong.

He was always there for them when they were down so they needed to return the favor. The H/C haired being reached their hand up to wipe away some of his tears, wrapping their other arm slightly around his waist. By now, he was shirtless, having taken off the green jacket that he performed in.

“Did I work so hard for nothing?” His voice was full of emotion, genuinely thinking that question.

Y/N shook their head before responding to the question that they thought was absurd. “No, absolutely not. I know that you are disappointed, as am I, but you did everything right. Your hard work paid off! Even though you didn’t win Eurovision, you won the hearts of so many people.”

Jere went to argue but they didn’t let him, needing to get their feelings out in the open first. They wanted him to think about all that had happened, all the friends he had made. It wasn’t all for nothing and deep down, the dark haired male understood that.

“Jere, I’m so proud of you, as are the friends we’ve made here. I didn’t have to feel the stress of competing and I can’t even imagine how it’s felt, but you always inspire me.” It was true, their boyfriend was their inspiration for quite literally everything. They were amazed by him and how kind he was, how hardworking he was.

He sniffled and calmed himself down. He was quite a sensitive person and sometimes he just had to allow himself to feel anything he needed to, Y/N was aware of this, but they still were there for him no matter what.

“Thanks, angel. I just needed to let out some of these emotions. I feel like I’m starting to be emotionally drained but I am grateful for you being here with me, I love you more than you know.” The Pöyhönen did not know what he would do without them.

The two had been dating for two years now but they still had him wrapped around their finger. They were the best and he wholeheartedly believed that they were the only person for him.

“Of course. You know I’m always here for you. I love you too, bub.” They took their right hand and touched Jere’s chest, close to where his tattoo was. The touch was given to further calm him and ground him.

“I’m okay,” he stated.

They only let him go wash his face once they were sure. Once he was done, the two were ready to join everyone again. Y/N was sure that they were all wondering where the two went.

“You ready to see everyone?” Their question was genuine since they didn’t want him to do anything he was uncomfortable with.

When he nodded, the L/N opened the door and the two walked out, wandering off to find their friends. Jere grabbed something to drink whilst Y/N talked with Alika. Everyone spent the rest of their time at the venue, cheering up the Finn further and messing around, wanting to cherish these moments.

[andrbllts]

My Cousin Just Commited Suicide

Last night, while I was at work, packing my bag for my flight back to Manila the next day, in my cold, spacious hotel room here in Cebu, I received a message that sent chills down my spine. It was from Gab’s yaya, and what she said left me shaken: my 21-year-old cousin, Oneil, had just tried to take his own life. For a moment, everything felt unreal. Then she told me that Oneil was saved in time by his older brother, Regil. Relief washed over me, but the shock stayed. I immediately asked for more details.

It was around 11 PM, and the whole house was asleep when Regil woke up to a strange crackling noise coming from the bathroom, followed by the disturbing sound of someone choking. Something didn’t feel right. He got up to check and saw a sight no one should ever see: Oneil, hanging from the ceiling with a thick nylon rope around his neck, eyes wide open and red. He was on the brink of death. If Regil had been just a second too late, we would’ve lost him.

The whole house erupted in panic. Tears filled the room as they realized what almost happened. But the question lingered-why? Why would Oniel do this?

It felt all too familiar. Four years ago, Oneil’s 2nd older brother ended his life in the exact same place, in the exact same way, at the same age. Maybe it was the grief he carried—his mother’s death, his father’s stroke that left him bedridden, or the passing of our grandmother just last December, whom Oneil was very closed to. Maybe it was stress at work, a rough breakup, or the pressure of becoming a father so soon. There are countless possibilities, but none of us really know.

Oneil was always quiet, but he seemed fine. Always smiling, always kind. He was never the type to show when something was wrong. After the attempt, family members tried to talk to him, to remind him that we love him and he’s not alone. But he just stared blankly, no emotion on his face, not a single word. We’ve decided to give him time, but we’re making sure he’s never alone.

And then, as if the universe wanted to drive home the point, I saw a post from a friend’s partner about someone else who just committed suicide awhile ago. It’s becoming a painful pattern, and I can’t help but wonder—why does this keep happening?

I’ve known people who have taken their own lives. I’ve attended their funerals, seen the grief they left behind, and watched families break apart. I remember asking myself, “How could they do this? Didn’t they see the people who loved them?” But deep down, I understood. Because I’ve been there, too.

I know how those dark thoughts can sneak up on you. I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by pain, to feel like you’re drowning with no way out. I’ve mourned for those who couldn’t keep going, and I’ve also stood at the edge, wondering how I would make it through.

But why? Why does it get that bad? There are so many reasons—life trauma, depression, anxiety, feeling like you don’t belong, or just being exhausted by the constant struggles. Sometimes, there’s no explanation at all. Sometimes, the pain just doesn’t make sense.

I remember a service I attended at Victory Church The Fort. Pastor Gilbert Foliente spoke about suicide awareness and the battles we all face in silence. He told us that we need to be there for each other, to pay attention, to listen. He emphasized that suicide is never the solution. It’s a permanent response to a temporary problem. And for the people left behind, it’s a wound that never truly heals.

There will be days that feel impossible to get through. Days when it seems like everything is falling apart. But those are the times you need to hold on the most. Because there will also be better days. I still have moments when I feel like I’m suffocating, like every time I try to breathe, I get pulled back down. But in those moments, I think of the people who love me—my family, my son. I think of the dreams I still want to chase, the places I still want to see, the person I want to become.

If you ever find yourself in that place, reach out for help. Talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be a professional—just someone who will listen. Try new things, pick up a hobby, listen to music that makes you feel alive, take a walk, or hold on to something—anything—that gives you hope. Don’t break someone else’s heart by leaving your own behind. Even if you can’t see it now, someone out there needs you. Someone loves you. Stay alive long enough to see how your story unfolds. Keep going, even when it’s hard. Keep fighting, even when you want to give up.

Because you’re worth fighting for. You matter, even if you can’t see it right now. And your story isn’t over. Keep living, keep fighting, someone out there is bound to genuinely love you for who you are despite your shortcomings and always remember to never let the darkness win.

PS:

he's now safe and well. TYG. ❤

[idontknowwhatimdoing-13]

Okay. Here we go.

Obviously I am devastated that Netflix has made the decision to cancel Dead Boy Detectives. This show was something special to me, one of those that gets you through hard times. It built a fandom community I felt I could be a part of more than ever before, and I believe that many others in that community had similar experiences aswell. I was hoping, more than I ever have before, that it would be able to last on for the hard times that are to come. Unfortunately, those hopes were unable to come true. Even more unfortunately, it is not a surprise.

I am disappointed in Netflix for continuing this culture of releasing shows that capture peoples hearts and minds only to cancel them when they produce niche and loving fandoms over those that are more widespread yet on average less attached. We’ve seen it happen so many times before(most similarly with Lockwood & Co.) and yet I was foolish enough to wonder if do to the success of shows like Sandman, Lucifer, and even Good Omens(on Prime but also involves Neil Gaiman) DBD could be the exception. It was not. Though this may be helping Netflix now, they are not making viewers, or fans, they are conditioning people not to trust them, and they are taking away from those they are meant to entertain.

So if anyone involved with Netflix sees my random Tumblr post(highly unlikely I know) Do Better. I want to ask you to reconsider to save DBD or other shows that you have canceled in the past, but that is a battle we have always lost no matter how hard we fight. So all I can ask is for you to try to care, to look at the value satisfying an active fan-base can give you, and when the next show in this pattern inevitably comes to the chopping block, give it the chance Lockwood & Co., Dead Boy Detectices, and so many more deserved.

As for DBD, just because the show is over doesn't mean I don't appreciate all it was and all it could've been. I truly loved this series more than I should have, and so to end this on a positive note, thank you. Thank you to everyone who made DBD what it was, even if just for one season, from the people involved to my fellow fans. It was really a great one, and I know we will let it live on for as long as we can.

[mrs-monaghan]

https://www.tumblr.com/mrs-monaghan/724551783636140032/ahm-i-get-what-are-you-saying-but-that-really

I know that there are pple who always insist to take everything at face value. Anon, you honestly cannot expect normal behaviours from situations that are not normal at all. You are talking about Jk not showing up at Jimin’s stage and him refusing to go see Jimin perform even after Jimin asked. So let me ask you and many others who maybe didn’t notice this or find anything weird about it. So we’ve seen a pattern of all the members at some point showing up to support each other by surpring each other maybe during their practice, shooting or perfomance. Somehow there is always the element of suprise and that is exactly what V did with Jk too. So now, did no one find it weird that Jk had to ask or kinda tell Jimin that he wanted to go see him perform on stage? Why did he have to ask for Jimin’s permission b4 going to support him? Hobi didn’t, Suga didn’t, V didn’t none of the members asked for permission b4 to go support the others so why did Jk feel the need to ask Jimin if he could go see him perform? This was a lil weird to me at the time but I didn’t think much of it until after the flirty Live those two did few days ago. Jimin said he was going to go to Jk AFTER his promotions were over and it kinda seemed like JM was making all sorts of excuses not to go to Jk or not to let Jk go to him. I could be rambling idk but it got me thinking about 2 instances in the past. JM was trynna cook and Jk tried coming close but JM sent him away saying Jk made him nervous. Even when JM was recording Serendipity, he asked Jk to leave too cuz he couldn’t concentrate with Jk there. Are you picking up what i am putting down? What if Jk didn’t go see Jimin perform and had to ask Jimin if he could go see him perform cuz he knew that Jimin wouldn’t be want him there probably cuz him being there would make Jimin nervous or distract him somehow? Cuz I can’t think of any logical reason why Jk had to ask Jimin if he could go see him perform when he could have just surprised him like the rest. Also, think about it, Jk is just not an asshole who didn’t care to go support Jimin. Whether u think they are dating or not, Jk is not an asshole and he clearly loves Jimin and Jimin is clearly important to him. So how do u explain him not going to see Jimin perform? Same goes for Jimin. Everyone knows Jimin is one if the most supportive members of BTS. He shows up for EVERYONE! Didn’t anyone find it strange that he didn’t go watch Jk perform too? I have no doubt that he would have showed up if it was anyone else, so why didn’t he show up for Jk? There are patterns being broken here and only when it comes to Jikook. I can’t place my finger on it, but certain things they do just don’t make alot of sense.

What is my point? My point is, I don’t think Jk not going to see JM perform was his choice! And I believe so because he didn’t have to ask for Jimin’s permission b4 going to support him. If he felt the need to ask, that tells me he kinda already knew that for some reason, Jimin might not want him there, and it was also weird that he choose to ask Live where maybe he felt like Jimin wouldn’t be able to say no! We all know damn well that so many jikookers would have stopped shipping Jikook since chapter 2 if we only had to depend on Jimin! Jk has been the only one holding this fort down! Jimin really doesn’t do anything to feed Jikookers. Also, we see how much Jk debunks Taekook all the damn time but he hasn’t in anyway tried to debunk Jikook, if anything he if feeding us fat! So that’s how i kinda know that Jimin is the one probably stopping many things from happening now. I don’t know his reasons but I honestly feel Jk is kinda done with this hiding shit. Anyways i just wanted to share my 2 cents. I haven’t ever seen anybody mentioning this so i just thought i’d see what u guys think about it.

I am with you 1300%

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #15: Steam Next Fest and Recap

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, a timeloop RPG, which is also the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

LET’S GET TO IT. This month is a recap of all the fun things that happened this very busy month!!!

So many things happened this month!!! Let's go in order.

In Stars and Time was showcased at The Mix, a games showcase in LA! Or, well... That was the plan.

The Mix got canceled. Which sucks.

But!!! Thankfully, Jirard the Completionist acted immediately and streamed a bunch of the demos over on Twitch! You can watch my producer Dora and marketing coordinator Ariana present the game to Jirard over here (timestamp 04:07:06)! Thank you for playing so many demos Jirard!!!

After that, we showed a new small gameplay trailer during Future of Play! It includes two little scenes you may not have seen yet :3c As well as a little announcement!

Yes, you saw that right. In addition to PC and Nintendo Switch, In Stars and Time will also be coming to Playstation 4 and 5 at release!!! YAHOO!!!

And then. Steam Next Fest. Steam Next Fest is one of Steam's events where a bunch of devs can show off demos for their game! And ISAT was in it!!! Steam Next Fest is over, but did you know you can still play the ISAT demo? DID YOU KNOW?!? One week is not enough time to experience all the games Steam Next Fest has to offer, so we’ve decided to keep it online a bit longer! Go play it! Go!!!

We have gotten so many compliments and messages about how people loved the demo, and I couldn't be happier!!! I think I watched all the times people streamed the demo, and it was so fun to see people's reactions... It made my heart feel so warm... Thank you to everyone who played the demo, wishlisted the game, or said the game looked cool!!! (And yes I've been taking notes and I will change some stuff in the full release. I promise Sif won't say there's only one stool in a room when there's clearly three!!!!!)

As part of Steam Next Fest, I did a livestream of the demo for one hour!!! I got to play the demo, answer questions, and talk with a bunch of lovely fans <3 It was so fun, it made me want to stream more... One day, perhaps...

If you missed it, you can watch the recorded stream here!

And on the development side, the console ports and the localization are chugga-chugga-chuggin'! We are working hard to fix some little bugs and add some small QOL updates.

And, oh! Someone over on Tumblr asked me about how I did the battle AI in the demo, as well as attack patterns. Here's a little passage to wet your appetite:

You can read the whole thing over here!!!

And as a last little note, START AGAIN: a prologue, ISAT’s prototype, is on sale over on Steam and Itch.io! It’s not necessary to play to understand ISAT, but mayhaps… You’d like to play it anyway…?

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

[hightwer]

the early reception of hsmtmts season 4, or what we’ve seen of it so far, has been majorly positive. there have been a lot of negative comments too and while everybody is completely within their rights to criticize/discourse over media, the extent that some “fans” have been going to (mostly bitter portw*lls) is just borderline malignant and i’d like to address some of these reoccurring complaints.

as it relates to ej caswell, he is NOT a punching bag. i’ve seen so many people argue that they’re no longer supporting or watching the show because of its treatment of ej and i’m not mentioning this to attempt to police what people should or shouldn’t support, i’m mentioning this because the arguments i’ve seen for this point are laughably vain, as well as hostile towards every other character who isn’t him.

ej is not some victim of bullying by the hands of the writers. every character in hsmtmts has struggled. every character has had to endure some level of change, because it was necessary for them grow. every character has been penalized for trying to revert back to the things that actively regressed them. rini, that was shown to hold both ricky and nini back, didn’t stick for that exact reason. ej hasn’t gotten it worse simply because the writers wanted him to.

his “character arc” was learning not to give people food poisoning. his “struggle” in season one was losing followers because of a poor decision that he consciously made.

and of course, i couldn’t tackle this entire ej discussion without mentioning the whole “ricky stole his girlfriends” card that people are still playing. nini and gina were not THINGS to be stolen. both of them made the choice to break up with ej for reasons that were completely valid, because people who’re capable of thinking for themselves can do things like that. portw*lls and ej fans have a pattern of degrading gina especially, all because she didn’t allow herself to stay in a relationship that was making her unhappy.

you guys cannot stand that ej doesn’t get to own who he dates. it’s beyond telling.

as it relates to fan service, the people claiming hsmtmts sacrificed “realism” to cater to fans being anti rinas doesn’t surprise me. the disney show is the one you guys are cracking down on about realism, okay.

rina isn’t fan service. gina getting the lead isn’t fan service. those are things that make complete sense within the contextualization of the show, which you guys always choose to ignore. these are things that have been built up through parallel storytelling and through multiple accounts of foreshadowing, but i understand those who are saying these things are happening because the show needs “saving” with olivia gone wouldn’t perceive it that way.

i’m not calling anyone simple minded. but what’s the real reason gina shouldn’t be the lead? what’s the real reason ricky shouldn’t be with a girl who understands him, supports him, and provided the positive change that he needed at a low point in his life? why shouldn’t these characters be happy with each other?

ricky and gina are the truest to themselves when they’re together. ricky sees gina’s ambition, he sees her talent, and he praises her for that. gina sees ricky for all of his potential. she never actively tore him down, she never ridiculed him. was there a point where she set boundaries between them? sure, but they came out on the other side of it the strongest they’ve ever been. certain characters exiting the narrative doesn’t mean that the other characters stop growing or developing, the story doesn’t suffer just because your ship isn’t endgame, or because your favorite character isn’t always happy.

finally, in defense of ricky bowen, he’s had more than enough growth to beat the regression allegations.

just to reiterate, gina wasn’t property for him to claim. gina is the one who told him that he’s been her choice for some time, despite not being her plan, he was still the one she was choosing. ricky didn’t coerce her into saying that. he wasn’t pulling strings or feeding gina lies so that she would break up with ej, either.

ricky has been battling with change and defining himself since the very beginning of the show. over the course of three seasons, we watched ricky genuinely commit to theater. he came to camp to be with his friends, not to sweep gina off of her feet. even with people calling him unreliable, even after being told that he has “no profitable skills”, even after having some bumps in the road. ricky has done nice things for his friends without expecting anything in return.

after being defined by his slip-ups, more or less, ricky finally got to hear that he was a yes to someone. a shot worth taking. i’ve seen people complain that he’s the main reason that they’ve given up on the show, as well as claim that he gets everything handed to him. he had to make sacrifices and lose things to get to where he is. there’s quite literally no denying that.

this has gotten entirely too long, but i’m trying to illustrate that a lot of these story beats are obvious. no one is obligated to watch something that they don’t like, but i’ve seen former “fans” act horrifically racist and sexist, i’ve seen them discredit the cast, i’ve seen them complain about the attention season 3 gave to anxiety and sexuality, just because they weren’t happy nini left the show, and because portw*ll wasn’t together by the end of the season.

this is a disney show at the end of the day, try and relax.