#so she wants to like use my work as a roadmap but make it her own

[noirandchocolate]

A judge just called me because she's working on the opinion for a case I did the research memo on. And she asked me. If I could heavily edit what she'd written because. She's read my memos before as well as this one and finds my writing excellent. And because. Her presiding judge told her to rely on me. Because he's done so in the past and I am 'brilliant' apparently. And also because. Other judges she's worked with have raved about me. And she knows they have copy-pasted my work to make their opinions. And she doesn't want to do that, because she's new to the job and wants to improve her own writing style before she starts using shortcuts. But she hopes I will help her out. With that.

Because my writing is just so good and she wishes she could write like me.

=')

My heart is so full of niceness now.

[librarycards]

Hello! I am trying to read “the right to maim” by jasbir k puar and I am getting almost nothing out of it, bc of the depth + breadth of academic concepts :( I’m particularly frustrated by it bc it seems to talk about subjects I think about, talk about and do daily, like disability, transness, and (anti)colonialism. I’m most of the way through the intro and it’s gone almost entirely over my head except for a couple isolated paragraphs that are meaningful.

Do you have any advice for how I can get the most out of this book? My main limiter is time, bc I got it out from the library and it is highly requested so I can’t have it for very long

Hi anon! First of all, in terms of time, I recommend piracy. I recommend it in general. I'm not going to post links here in order to protect the places I use, but dm me if you want them.

If you're having difficulty with the concepts (which makes sense - right to maim is a challenging book!) I recommend going back to basics with some background reading. You can get some of Puar's rec'd background reading from the bibliography, and from the keywords she uses in the preface of the text. a few that I see (i'm looking at the PDF now) include debility, rhizome/rhizomatic, soverignty, biopolitics, homonationalism, impairment [in the disability studies sense], precarity, and neoliberalism. if i was teaching this preface, i'd have students break down each of these terms (and probably others, this is just from a skim) using outside readings. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when jumping into a scholarly text w/o any context, and most people who use and cite this book have past experience reading Puar's interlocutors and existing familiarity with this language.

you can get up-to-date while reading using resources in tandem with this text. For example, you can read Puar's discussion of debility at that link to get a sense of the context. You can read a decent summary of Foucault (the coiner of the term "biopower") and his thought at Brittanica. I recommend using Google Scholar for terms you're not familiar with, and taking quick notes so that you don't have to google them all over again each time. if you think you have enough context with a new word but aren't 100%, keep reading and use other clues. think about academic reading like learning a new language. the strategies are very similar! because it basically is.

I recommend using the annotation strategies i just mentioned in this post (and/or developing your own). i also recommend looking up Puar's talks on youtube - she's a well-known scholar who does a lot of events, and has spoken extensively about this book and its genealogy (especially in relation to praxis / Palestinian liberation). You can also read her talk with the hosts of Death Panel, my absolute favorite podcast.

Below, I'm going to give you an example of how I close-read, annotate, and analyze a paragraph from Right to Maim (and, by extension, other academic texts. This strategy may not work for you 100%, but hopefully it gives you some solid suggestions. Overall, remember that learning to read scholarly work takes time. A long ass time. Even when it's about things you've experienced yourself! Academia has its own conventions, verbiage, knowledge base, etc, and it's a learning curve for everyone. Don't expect yourself to read as fast or get as much as someone more familiar with the conventions of academic writing - anticipate reading all of these works many, many times, and getting more with each reading. Progress is more important than perfection, and improvement, even if slow, *will* happen, as long as you don't give up. <3

Below is a quote from the preface to Right to Maim, where Puar lays out her argument. I recommend everyone highlight/remember paragraphs like these (pretty much every ac text will have something like this in the beginning as a roadmap) to anchor their reading practice and help them get the most from a book (emphasis mine):

In The Right to Maim, I focus less on an impor­tant proj­ect of disability rights and disability studies, which is to refute disability as lack, as inherently undesirable, and as the sign, evidence, or fetish of injustice and victimhood. I am not sidestepping this issue. Rather, I centralize the quest for justice to situate what material conditions of possibility are necessary for such positive reenvisionings of disability to flourish, and what happens when those conditions are not available. My goal ­here is to examine how disability is produced, how certain bodies and populations come into biopoliti­cal being through having greater risk to become disabled than ­others. The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography.

In the bolded part, Puar outlines what she's not doing: she's not taking a mainstream (white, colonial) disability studies approach, which is, in her words, to refute disability as "lack." She's stating that her goal isn't simply to prove disabled people as equal to able-bodied people, or to claim that disability can be good and liberating (though it is/can be!). Her point is to look at the conditions in which people become disabled, and stay disabled. Often, these conditions are violent and unjust. Acknowledging this injustice kinda throws a wrench into western models of disability pride.

So, if she's not interested in just arguing that disability ≠ badness, what is she arguing? she's looking, in the latter half of the paragraph, to how people become disabled in multiple ways. One, using the verbiage in the book, she's interested in how people become debilitated - physically incapacitated in a way that may not line up with the social category of "disability"). She's also interested in how "disability" as a social identity is constructed - that is, why do disability rights groups look at Palestinians maimed by the IOF and see an injured civilian, but not a disabled comrade? words and context matter immensely. she's looking at why, and what are the implications.

that last sentence sums up the distinction she's making: "The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography."

the difference, she argues, between disability as western disability studies sees it and debility as experienced by people under colonial occupation isn't because we experience our bodyminds differently, or because Palestinians (for example) magically aren't as hurt by occupation as their white/western counterparts would be. rather, the reason she's using debility over disability is because the category of disability isn't objective: it's informed by biopolitical forces such as the ones she listed. her meta-argument is that what we call "disability" can't be divorced from its settler colonial context, not because colonized peoples are immune to disabling violence, but because the category of disability (and health, and violence) is itself affected by settler colonialism.

in "right to maim," Puar is offering a major shift in the way we collectively discuss disability, because the category is not applied equally across sociopolitical, geographical context. it means Palestinians and others living under occupation are either left out entirely, or unsuccessfully co-opted into western-/colonizer-centric disability discourse that doesn't acknowledge the different conditions under which they live. ultimately, "right to maim" means to make that difference, and its implications, visible.

Let me know if this makes sense! it's wordy and tedious, but lots of academic texts are. i hope that breakdown helps you make some more sense of Puar's main argument/the architecture of the text, and maybe serves as a model for future engagement. :)

[jarofstyles]

JAROFSTYLES FICTOBER DAY 8- Scream

FICTOBER Prompts/Masterlist

Patreon

Warnings- angelsxdemon, mention of god, blasphemy tbh, smut

-----------------------

“That isn’t the type of scream I’m used to…” The dark eyed demon smirked down at the angel, sweat spattering her littering skin. Her chest heaved as she looked up at the dark eyed creature with a glare, but it was hard to focus on the comment. 

It was hard to focus on anything when she had the best cock inside of her, hitting every spot that she didn’t know needed to be hit.

She would be exiled, if they knew. Her wings would be taken, and she would be stuck at heaven’s gate doing intake, but somehow her feud with a demon who also frequented her area of earth had blown into a full blown sexual affair. 

“B-Be quiet and keep doing that.” She huffed, her light voice falling into a mewl as he did just that. 

No sex had ever been such a temptation. She understood now, why people sometimes lusted after these creatures. Her complete opposite, dark minded and murky to her light and airy, and yet she found herself in this position. They quite literally fed off of sin, and the clouds knew that this was one of the most sinful activities she had even partaken in. It was another question she had for the big man up in the sky. 

If it was so bad, forbidden to the highest degree, then why did it feel so good?

Her toes curled as the strokes of his thick cock sent zaps of pleasure into her belly and her heels dragged down the backs of his thighs, trying to tug him deeper as she felt his sweat dripping onto her chest. Deep pink, wet lips had sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, making her whimpering continue as he hit into her with precision. Like it was a prearranged strategy to know her body’s most sensitive places, a roadmap to making her cum. 

His length filled her perfectly. The sounds of it slipping in and out of her sopping hole was audible in her room, sure she was making a mess of her bed. It would be a humiliating reminder when he inevitably left her and she woke the next morning to find evidence of their salacious activities, but one that would most definitely leave her cunt aching for more. 

“Who said you can give demands, little Angel?” The demon cooed. “Who says… I want to hear anything but my name and you begging for my cum leaving that holy little mouth?” Sharp teeth brushed her jaw, a deepy chuckle leaving his lips as he nipped the skin and slid a hand around her throat, pinning her down on the bed. His hips continued their thorough thrusts, the evil smirk on her face making her squeal. 

“No, no. That’s what I want to hear. God’s little servant, such a shame. A pussy like this should be working for my side.” He crooned, the filth and blasphemy leaving his tongue like a silk ribbon tied package.  She should pull away, leave, report her sins, but she didn’t want to fight the inevitable pleasure. His words were offensive and dirty and she couldn’t stop herself from clenching around him.  “Yeah…” He moaned, looking down at her cunt being spread by him. It was soaked, a ring of cream settling on the base of his cock before sliding down to his overly full balls. “It would be put to such good use in hell. Y’could come party with me… Play my funny little tricks… Let me fuck you where everyone could hear. I think you’d like that.” 

Y/N didn’t know why it sounded appealing when it was absolutely not something she had even allowed herself to think of, but she knew. She knew it was something that was  going to stay with her and haunt her. The feel of his cock filling her like it was perfectly curved to cater to her, the sound of his taunts, his nails digging into her thighs. It would be a recurring nightmare that would make her reach between her thighs when she woke up in a sweat. 

“N-No..” Her eyes closed and her mouth opened in pleasure as he began to move a bit harder inside of her, well aware her words were lies but having to try one last time to save herself. Why did they forbid sex when it felt like euphoria? Why was this going to be a punishment if anyone found out? How could they blame her for indulging in someone who knew what she needed and to find a release she didn’t know was full? 

“Yes.” He replied, squeezing slightly over her throat. “No angel should have such a tight, weepy little cunt. Dripping all over my fat cock, making a mess of my balls. Think you’ll clean them up for me after I empty them into this perfect little angel cunt.” Pursing his lips, he spit down on where they connected and made her squeak in disgust- but he could feel what it did to her. “It’s too late to pretend. I’ve corrupted your soul, sweet Angel. You’re so gone for it.. Gonna lick yourself off of me and get me hard again so I can take all of my one promised night….” He thumbed over her clit with his other hand, watching her back arch off the bed. “Mhm… I’m going to haunt you, darling.” His eyes were completely black, brows furrowed as his face controrted with rapture. He’d never find another pussy quite like this, and he wanted to be the only one to own it. Perhaps it would take time, but he as going to be the one who kept her. “ But I’ll be here to quell that ache that I’ll leave behind. All you’ve got to do is beg.”

[swirlygigg]

hi swirly!! i was planning on making files and also engaging in irl hypnokink both as a dom and a sub-- i was wondering if you have any guides for it?

hi anon! i will tell you, i don't have quite so much experience with irl stuff as i do online, but i will try to talk about it a little!

first, as far as hypnosis safety, i highly recommend you reading @misscammiedawn's thoughts about hypnosis. she always makes really comprehensive posts about hypnosis and i think many of her points and emphasis on safeties in hypnosis are excellent--she is particularly well-versed in talking about safety in regards to mental health too which i think is important.

i also really love @h-sleepingirl, whose guides on hypnosis also emphasize safety in a way that is practical and useful! honestly, their work and especially their site is super useful for anyone trying to get into hypnokink!

lastly, as far as files, my gold standard has always been @secret-subject! not only are secret's files very engaging, they're always very thorough in their content descriptions and have a real focus on safety too.

as far as my own work... i mean, i love making files, and typically when you're making a file, you're usually in a dom mindset! i think the main guiding thoughts i have had are to focus on a few things.

what is the roadmap of your file? unlike with irl hypnosis, the file sort of needs to know exactly where it's going, so it's good to have an idea and to sketch out what kind of trance, effect(s), and wakener you make for your listener! that also lets you make a comprehensive description so people know whether they want to engage or not.

what kind of hypnosis techniques are you employing? mixing techniques is fun, but can make for confusing trances, so i like to choose maybe 3 techniques maximum for a short file. usually it's easiest to do nice long inductions followed by fractionation, then whatever creative technique you like best! i like mantras so that's usually what i do as my third thing. then i like to choose a standard wakener for the end... or sometimes i don't put one at all, but you should put that in your description so people can choose to set an alarm or other wakener of their choice after!

how do you want your listener to feel before, during, and after? obviously some people like to install obedience triggers, but i find those like playing with fire--and i am a little bit of a pyrophobe. i love pleasure and obedience, but some people want to play with fear or pain, which is cool as long as you're practicing Risk Aware Consensual Kink! on a personal note, since you are coming from a dom mindset generally, i believe you should also think about whether someone listening might need reassurance or special attention after, and if you can provide that with your words, it's better to put it rather than omit it. after all, if your listener wants to sit in those feelings, they can always stop the file before the aftercare portion--this is why i think having a comprehensive description matters!

gosh this is a long post already, but to talk about irl stuff...

obviously i started off talking about safety because hypnosis can be quite a lot! there is a lot of trust that you are putting with another person, whether you dom or sub. like with any kink, vet people! talk among a community or with other people who play in the space to get a feel for who you are around. know what you want when you are looking for an experience (even if what you want is to experiment!) and always make sure that no matter what side of hypnosis you're on, that you negotiate! i believe it's important to ensure that people involved can stop the scene, even if they are in trance.

as you play with people in real life, don't be discouraged if you don't easily drop or if you struggle to drop someone! like many kinks, it takes practice to look as effortless as the hottest fantasies you have. if you find people who are willing to play, you will probably develop a closer bond and trust that will make it easier to drop/be dropped over time.

i have more to say, but it's late--anon (and others who read this), feel free to drop another ask if there are specifics! i will answer to the best of my ability o7

[khaopybara]

Ok so we are in agreement that may definitely knows that ai-oon is not oom right? Like even if she somehow managed to avoid seeing the news of the accident our girl oon is NOT doing well acting like someone may has/had been dating lol.

But also I love them so i am more than willing to turn a blind eye to all the sus behavior 😆

ALSO we finally got PhimPang and they are ICE COLD!! I wanted to like Pang soo much because of ciize but Pang is the WORST! I was so mad when she pull oon away from may so that she could basically make sure that May was blind. WHO DOES THAT!? 🤬🤬🤬 i know we’re only on ep 2 but at this point i am all for PhimJan!

Really i am praying to the GL gods for a true triangle! Give me PhimPangJan or give me death!

AND ANOTHER THING that grandma is on thin ice

Ok what else….planetarium dates was adorbs and the the cockroach scene had me dying 😭

-🤫

miss famous lawyer who's studying to enhance human rights and went to a meeting in geneva to create a roadmap to help with her mission most definitely knows something is up. i think i got spoiled about this whole situation, but i'm not 100% sure how trustworthy people's vague commentaries and my deduction skills are. either way, oon is now the love of my life. she is adorable and she needs a very tight and good hug, and for now, may seems like she's doing it quite well (tho i must admit, my heart hurts for oon every time may calls her oom).

LISTEN! i love my girl ciize. i adored her as alpha in 23.5, and i was so looking forward to see her in pluto (still am, don't get me wrong, i think this plot line will give us so much), but from the moment ciize said, yeah you know, pang has had this crush on oon since forever but never made a move bc she didn't know oon liked women, too, but now that she knows that's an option for her, you know, she might go for it. never mind this relationship i have with this other stunning officer who lives with me. it's like having war flashbacks of raymew in only friends, tho they are very different characters in very different circunstancies.

the thing about pang tho is that she's very logical. ep 1 pang telling oon, hey girl, i know a lot has happened in the last week of your life, but you're really taking the side of a girl found out existed just the other day and you met literally once. get a grip. iconic behaviour. i was saying the same thing. but ep 2 pang make me feel she does all of that out of misplaced jealousy and sense of ownership over oon's time and presence which is not really nice. i hope we get to see more of the phimpangjan triangle thing soon, because as i said, it's gonna be juicy~ (also, jan is so much more loyal and driven than i thought she would be. from the pilot trailer, i thought she'd be just a jealous wine lady who'd get in between kapookciize, but she's sweet so far).

grandma clearly has favorites (or so we think. at least this part of the story is from oon's perspective, after all, and we know we can be biased when telling a story), but @suppaloscurse talked about it in this post and i agree with a lot of that. oon not only is the older twin, she's also the one who needed to be strong and support her younger sister. it's not fair of grandma to pick favorites so blatantly, but i feel like it's what oon has always expected. she was sidelined bc her sister's fragile health, oom went to a private school, and then as adults, oom became a flight attendant while oon works in delivery (pls know i'm not putting more value in one more than the other) and then, also married rich. namtan talked about how grandma is pivotal in oom's story and is the reason for the granddaughter's growth, so i'm looking forward to figure that relationship out, too.

also, THE SAPPHICS OWN THE SPACE. THAI GLS TAUGHT ME SO. and, props to the cockroach that gave us the classic falling on top of you scene. i've said this during ploy's yearbook when namtanfilm's character found themselves in a similar predicament that if they were dudes, they would have kissed on the lips back then, and we almost had it in today's episode. fingers crossed i still can get my cliche from them.

[megaman-r]

Hello! Welcome to my rather extended effort to make a classic-style-ish Mega Man game. My name's Nevi, my main is @afniel, and I'm here to be everyone's problem. I used to be tracking progress for this on Twitter, but we all know how that went, so now I'm here instead.

First, the top 3 questions I tend to get:

What is this?

A fan game, created in the NES style. Well. Eventually it will be. Making a game is not a quick or easy task.

What's it about?

When I was young, I always thought it was boring of Capcom to not give Roll her own game. I got older and I still think that, but I've also thought other things along the way, like, why do these games always raise such alarming existential questions and then completely forget they happened? How long would it take to learn a functional amount of music theory? Is it Metool, Mettaur, or Metall? Whatever they're called, why aren't there a lot more of these little guys in the games?

Basically, I'm giving Roll the game I always thought she deserved.

Can I play it?

Currently, there's really nothing to play. I've got the basic engine functioning quite well and a good chunk of the visual assets finished to a working degree, but refining everything, getting the gameplay as tight as it needs to be, and making sure nobody's AI breaks or sucks is a pretty big job.

That all said, my first real roadmap goal is to have a single-stage playable demo. While I don't have any notion of a release date for that, I am working steadily towards it, so please stay tuned!

The rest of the FAQ is long and maybe less interesting, so I'll stash it under a cut to save you a little scrolling.

The Game Itself

Is it going to be girly?

Probably not as girly as you're imagining, if you're asking that. After all, there's still explosions, boss fights, insta-death spikes, a ton of weapons to choose from, and quite a lot of shooting. Just because the main character is in a dress won't change the core feel of the game, nor will it be easier than other MM games.

Also, a thing being girly isn't bad anyway. It's just a style.

What makes this different from any other MM game/fangame?

Fair question! I'm going to be a little secretive about it though and just say 'choice.' It's a thing that the MM series isn't known for giving players, outside of what order you want to explode the robot masters. I think it could be more interesting than that.

That said, the mainline classic MM games don't have a whole lot to distinguish them from each other, and they're still fun and each one of them is someone's all-time fav game, so even if it just ends up being Another MM Game, that's still not a bad crowd to be in.

Are we fighting Dr. Wily? What's the plot?

:)

Some of that will come with the eventual demo release. The rest will be on full release. I don't want to spoil it up front, you know?

You will get to see some familiar faces for sure, I'll say that much.

Will this game be accessible?

I want it to be! I think games in general have a lot of work to do to become more accessible to disabled gamers, and as a disabled gamer, I want to try and do my due diligence in that.

It is playable on both keyboard (not comfortable) and controller (a lot more comfortable), and while the controls are fairly simple, there is already a fully-functional option to switch between classic MM style down+jump to slide, and MMX style dedicated single button slide.

Remapping buttons is somewhat beyond the scope of the engine I'm using, which is unfortunate, and all the more reason for me to learn something more flexible like Godot.

I'm trying to choose palettes for things that should be eyestrain-friendly. Flashing will be kept to a minimum in the default game mode, and I plan on having a sensory-friendly mode with no flashing whatsoever and certain other effects lessened/changed/removed. Of course, I can't guarantee that certain patterns won't affect sensitive people regardless, but I'm going to give it a good try.

Depending on how easy the game engine makes sensory-friendly mode, it may end up being a separate download version, but I hope not, that's just not as good.

Alternate difficulty modes are also something I want to do! I just haven't looked at implementation yet, but it should be pretty easy.

Game Development Stuff

What are you using to make MMR?

The engine itself is in Pixel Game Maker, which is kind of an underdog DIY game engine and if I'd really been thinking I'd probably have started it in Godot or something, but I'm already here and honestly, I like how it works, so I'm keeping it. The assets are entirely made in Aseprite, and the music is entirely Famitracker, with a little use of Audacity to make sure tracks loop properly and to get things into the right format.

Very few visual assets are taken from the games directly, mostly some enemies and most of the sound effects (because those are not something I want to try to recreate using only Famitracker—I only have so many hours in a day).

How NES-like are we talking, here?

I'm aiming for NES-like in the way that Sonic Mania aimed for Genesis/Master System-like: the style matches, the limitations are mostly observed, but certain limitations are disregarded when it would be extremely awesome to do so.

Some examples: I'm very fastidious about color palettes per tile and per minor enemy sprite; I'm less fastidious about color palettes onscreen at a time and color palettes per boss sprite. I'm not trying to replicate the sprites-per-scanline flicker. Number of frames per animation isn't something I'm really considering as long as it looks visually appropriate. I'm sticking with 2A03 music, except for where I mean business, and then I may whip out the VRC6 channels instead.

So no, this wouldn't run verbatim on an actual NES, even if you recoded it in 6503 Assembly, but you would be able to get quite close.

How did you learn to make pixel art?

Well, when I was a wee little neurodivergent child, one of my favorite hobbies was making tiles and characters in MS Paint and building big collages out of them. I made a lot of beehives, for some reason...

Then I became a medium-sized neurodivergent teenager, got really into RPG Maker 2000, and the sprites and tiles were not to my liking, so I started editing them and eventually making my own from scratch.

I'm now a fairly normal-sized neurodivergent adult, and making pictures out of little dots is still a lot of fun, especially with a harshly constrained palette. Doing NES-like graphics just kind of comes naturally after all that.

How did you learn to make music?

Honestly? I just began throwing myself at it. My first attempts were unabashedly bad. When things didn't make sense and I couldn't get them to sound right, which was all the time, I looked them up. Starting with general chord theory was what really made it begin to click. The first thing I composed and kept was the Lagoon Stage music, and not coincidentally it's been through the most refactors as well. Coming from an art background where I'm very used to the Ugly Painting Stage of any given piece has definitely helped with patience, too. The important thing is to just keep beating your head against it. It's frustrating, but you only learn to make music by making music.

Every track on the OST represents about two days of feverishly slamming notes together for four-six hours a day, preceded by one-four whole months of tapping and humming random things until one of them ignites something in my brain that goes, "Oh, I know how the rest of this should go!"

How did you learn to code?

Well, honestly, I didn't; PGM is a visual scripting engine, so everything pretty much looks like flowcharts, and the number of functions is kind of constrained. Every object in the game is a state machine, so that's pretty much the paradigm I understand. I could not code my way out of a paper sack in any actual language.

That being said, I do understand the core concepts of what programming is, and most of that I learned by watching Retro Game Mechanics Explained on YouTube until I suddenly understood what 6502 Assembly was all about and everything else just kind of made sense. I don't know either! It's a little weird. But it did work, so I can't complain.

Is this related to [Other Fan Project]?

Nope, it's not part of or related to any other fanworks. I'm a solo dev working on just this one project right now. (However, if you're making a classic or MMX-style game and need pixel art assets, I'm open to talk about that! Please note though that I do not work for free.)

Your robot master has the same name/concept as [Other Fan Character].

Sorry if that's the case! There are so many really stellar MM fan characters out there that a little name/concept-sharing is basically unavoidable. No infringement is intended, no profit will be made from this game, and I'm uninvolved enough with the general fandom at large that I can pretty confidently say I didn't even know about your character. Take it as a case of Great Minds Think Alike, if it happens.

Do you have anywhere else I can keep up with this?

I sure do! I've got a Discord specifically for it where I toss a lot of WIP sprites and such, and that's where eventual playtesting will happen too if you're into that sort of thing, and a Trello that I don't always remember to update, but it exists at least!

Mega Man R Secret Gamedev Clubhouse Discord

Trello Roadmap (when I remember to update it...)

What's the pixel art in your banner?

That was just me greebling at random for practice and funsies. The full image isn't used anywhere as-is, but I did end up using some parts of it in the tiles.

[creative-anchorage]

I was out for a walk recently, venting via text to a friend about something silly, and I couldn’t stop myself from bookending my rant with apologies for bothering them. Their response stopped me midstep: “I want to know what’s going on with you.” As someone who wants to be as ambitious about my friendships as I am my work, but who always worries about needing a little “too much” from the people I lean on, the word “want” caught my attention. Ultimately I think that’s what we all need in relationships: People who want to show up for us, and vice versa. This kind of care and intention feels like a form of ambition—that’s not a term I would have previously used in a sentence about friendship, but it is one that makes sense to me now. ... [...] While I knew how much my friends mattered to me, learning to be ambitious about friendships required not just that I show up, but that I practice letting other people in. It meant embracing the fact that I’m inherently needy, even when the faulty self-reliance of one kind of ambition tells me I should be able to do it alone, or that I’m overstaying my welcome by asking too much of my friends. ... Yearning for stronger, more substantial connections isn’t news: Loneliness is considered a public health threat. Though some research shows that people with strong friendships have better physical and mental health, other research indicates we tend to lose friendships as we age. Our reliance on each other never truly fades, but too often, it’s shoved underneath too many obligations and too little time and resources.

Rhaina Cohen, a journalist and author of the forthcoming book, The Other Significant Others, has focused years of research and reporting on friends who are so close, they rise to the level of partners. “This is a big question I’m trying to deal with: what does it mean to be partners?” Cohen said. What kept coming up for people, she explained, was “this mix of deep and profound knowledge of another person, but also a kind of everyday presence, and sense that that person is interested in all of the mundanities of your life, and will debrief with you at the end of the day.” In a piece for The Atlantic, Cohen noted that in LGBTQ+ communities, there’s a long history of high value being placed on friendships, including friends as “chosen family.” “I think, for a lot of reasons, in the queer community, it’s just much more understood that friends can play a variety of roles and not be peripheral,” she told me. There still remain few roadmaps for organizing one’s life around friends, Cohen said, but she said she thinks there is a “growing recognition that having a social world beyond the nuclear family setup is important.” One of the things Cohen was thinking about before we spoke via Zoom, she said, was “to the extent that there’s ambition involved in building new ties, it involves putting in a lot of work on the front end to make friendship easy on a day-to-day level.” She shared an example: She lives in a home with her husband, as well as two good friends and their two children. They are a five-minute walk from one of her other close friends, with about 20 other friends and acquaintances within a 15-minute walking radius. “When our cultural norms treat living with friends as a passing phase and our housing is designed for nuclear families, it takes imagination to dream up a life built around friends,” Cohen added. “And it takes ambition to make the idea a reality.” Meanwhile, others point to small ways to be ambitious about friendship. “When I think about ambition, I think about focus, I think about intention, I think about momentum toward a goal,” said Danielle Bayard Jackson, a friendship coach and educator, and author of an upcoming book on friendship. Jackson explained that much of this is about taking our intention and making it tangible. She suggested putting a post-it where you can see it, listing three to five people you want to prioritize connecting with, whether it’s a close friend or someone you just met. You can also develop what Jackson calls friendship rituals—standing dates to have a call, get coffee, watch a show, or whatever works for you—to ensure friends don’t get pushed to the scheduling back-burner. It takes effort, and it shows desire, something Jackson said we should normalize in our platonic relationships. “We all want to feel like somebody's thinking of you,” she added.

[bankholdup]

i'm sitting in an airport with a 5 hour layover so please enjoy this snippet from my steddie chasing amy au that i've been working on for almost a year now! i have no clue what the title of this will be and there is still some roadmapping to be done with the story but please enjoy while i lose my mind with boredom

Chicago. 1994.

“This is the best light post you’ve ever drawn.” Steve says, using the chiseled point of his black sharpie to ink in the finer details of the panel.

“Thanks,” Eddie replies as he continues sketching, “it’s the one next to the post office.”

“Looks just like it.”

Most of their days are spent like this. If there isn’t a comic book convention in town, or a meeting with their publisher, their mornings are spent together hunched over their conjoined desks, drawing and inking out their semi-popular “Hawkins Upsidedown” comic. Eddie smokes as he draws, Steve drinks his coffee. It’s peaceful with quiet companionship while they work on the latest issue. 

This has been their routine for the past few years. After Robin and Eddie graduated, and as the kids got older, Steve and Eddie decided to pick up their stuff and move to Chicago to write comics. “Hawkins Upsidedown” was based on their adventures, with the kids as the main characters. They cowrote the stories, but Eddie was the main artist, while Steve was the inker-not a tracer.

The phone next to their desks started ringing, Steve moved to grab it.

“Corroded Comics.” Steve said into the receiver.

“Hey, dingus, you guys coming to my panel next Saturday?”

Eddie cocked his head towards Steve, mouthing “who is it?”

“It’s Robin,” Steve mouths back to Eddie, before answering her, “yeah, we’ll be there.”

“Cool, this is my first so I’d like you guys there for moral support. It’s the first time this con is doing a minority writers panel.”

“We’ll be there, Rob, promise.”

“Alright, see you guys then.” The phone call ends with a click.

“What did Rob want?” Eddie asks as Steve sits back down, continuing to sketch on the page.

“Just making sure we’re going to her panel this Saturday at Windy City Con, it’s her first one.”

“Hell yeah, of course we’ll be there.”

Steve and Eddie, having gained decent success from their comic, earning a few features from local newspapers and magazines, typically do signings and some panels at the comic conventions in the mid-West, occasionally traveling out to the East Coast when invited.

For Robin, being featured on a panel was a huge deal, especially one that highlights her as a lesbian comic writer. Steve thought that she deserves the spotlight just as much, if not more than them. 

They finish their morning drawing in silence, prepping the final pages to be sent out to the printer next week.

[cooganbegs-blog]

Of Ups and Downs.

It was a rollercoaster day today. I’m tired and emotional.

Down - every time I look at SBO and see how frail and skinny he is, how he only eats what I offer him by hand, no chicken anymore just the best raw steak I can find (I’ve never eaten steak like he is being served up on a daily basis! I’ve finally found something to burn my useless salary on!), the constant sobs initiated by his usual head pushed against me waiting for stokes.

Up - I finally feel I added some value to my team! God, I now have three people in my team and my fellow gal pal (marketing manager) gave some some tips and a spreadsheet to help setup my teams individual priorities for next quarter. I emailed it round this morning with direction on how I want us to priorities our work:

- a learning priority: they can chose something they want to learn (a compulsory 10% of their bonus) to encourage curiosity and a growth mindset (an essential trait of a product person)

- a product priority set by me: there is some shit that just needs to get done, that pushes the team forward, advances the product or our processes. Willing to negotiate on the success metrics

- a personal priority - each person can chose a priority they want to work towards, it cants be BAU, it must be something that is a stretch. I will need to approve or negotiate and key results are also negotiable.

All my peeps were happy and I had a light build moment that the single most valuable thing I can do for them is provide what begged all my useless CPO’s for in my previous roles. Give them direction and the why, and they will solve the how! I finally came away after several hours relieved instead of berating myself for being useless! I did have to get tough and negotiate with my PO (new to this role but an excellent BA), she just won’t prioritise learning how to think like a product person. She’s in danger of losing some of her bonus because she just didn’t make time. Will see if she delivers on the compromise I suggested! My new PO/PM is so delightful (if confident!), he talks my language and I don’t have to change his nappy or tell him how to do his job!! So refreshing!

Down - I kind of lost my shit in a meeting! Not hugely but I did let my frustrations show. Explaining that the meeting we were in (and several others I had to sit through) were quite frankly a fucking waste of time until the exec team makes a call on how we segment a customer base. I am not prepared to (its well above my pay grade!) and have provided the necessary data for them to battle it out. The project manager agreed, the meeting was cut short. I immediately regretted my outburst and sent a message to her apologising for letting my frustrations get the better of me. I also owned I probably should have escalated a week or so ago but have been snowed under with a thousand other priorities (roadmaps, product relates plans and annual planning). Gulp. Note to Self: bite my tongue next time and go to her direct not in front of 7 other people.

Up - my work trip to the US was cancelled so I can stay home with Loki!

Down - I haven’t been for a run or been to the gym since I got back. I forgot how fucking brutal the dark, icy morning are here and what a disincentive it is to running. I hate it.

Up - finally got booked in to have my shoulder injected, although I’m absolutely shitting myself.

Down - did I mention just how dark and cold it is.

Up - winter solstice is imminent. Which means the long slow downhill slide into summer….and by summer I mean January next year!!

Down - hearing Loki licking incessantly all night and not knowing what he was doing. Waking this morning and discovering his bed was absolutely saturated with pee and him so distraught and mortified. So much cortisone equals so much extra water drinking equals so much peeing. Only he didn’t get up at all. Im setting my alarm for 3 hour intervals tonight to get him up. He’s definitely an old, old dog now and it breaks my fucking heart. A matter of weeks ago he was shiny, lithe, well muscled and a bundle of cheek. Now he’s gaunt, slow and smells of old dog and urine. Fuck it’s so unfair. I don’t want anything to change, I want to go backwards in time and freeze when he’s young and active and full of beans. The end is closing in faster and faster and there’s no way to stop it. And foolishly I just keep wishing and wishing I could turn back time.

Up - I found a packet on M&M’s in my luggage which I completely forgot about and discovered just when I needed them around 3pm this afternoon!

[tawus]

hi! i recently started doing commissions so i wanted to ask if you have any piece of advice to give?

Hi! Sorry about the delay with getting back to you on this ❣️

I may not be the best person to ask for advice on commissions, since I’ve written only 2 commissioned works – though they were huge and I’ve put a lot of thought, effort and a part of my soul into each one. But I’m not like a regular commission writer, just to be sure.

What I can offer is that I believe in personal brands. So I believe a person comes to me and pays me to provide them with an unrepeated experience that only I can deliver. I fully allow for each commer (the person who commissions me) to give me their specifics for the plot, the main character, the scenes etc – and I use those as the roadmap, the firm string that pulls the whole story along – but my magic comes in when I manage to stick to what they’ve wanted and at the same time surprise them. Which means I always add my own personal touch. I’ll give an example: with No Cure, the commer requested that the Reader character has a Nullification power, i.e. she can nullify others’ cursed techniques and cursed energies. I used that as a basis, as if it was a canon premise, and I expanded it. So the Reader’s usage of it during her first fight against Gojo was wholly my creation, and similarly when he trains her on the temple grounds and she develops a variation to her technique, those are my expansions as well. The commer was also quite taken aback by the way Gojo justified training her on temple grounds, which also involves the technicalities of cursed techniques and energy that I have expanded.

The personal touch (that I’ve described one instance of above) requires me to put a lot of thought into each commission, which also means each commission requires a fair bit of time. So don’t be in a hurry to churn out content for your commers. I think it’s disproportionate and unfair to expect for quality work to be done in a short time. Quality does take time. I’ll be honest, in all, each of the 2 commissions that I’ve done took me about 3 months to produce – counting from the conception of the idea in the commer to my final delivery. 3 months sounds outrageous, but each commission that I’ve produced is like a standalone novel and I’m proud of them, as I’ve put in a lot of my time, thought, energy, and soul into them. So my timeline is fully justified, especially when I remember how happy, surprised and satisfied my commers have been with what I delivered.

In more practical terms, you need to set out your terms clearly (I say this both as a creator and as a lawyer) so that there’s no discrepancies and no grounds for dispute. To gauge your commer’s preferences, you can use a survey form that you can create and use on each new commer. Give your commers periodic updates on how things are going and with the updates provide some snippets of the work you've done so far (I also provide them with additional research materials: for instance, with Dimming Hearth, the theatre and 7/11 shop locations are real in Tokyo – since central Tokyo is emphasised as the stage for the AiB games – so I shared with my commer the visuals for the scenes I wrote).

In terms of smut scenes I have a rule I set for myself: if it doesn’t turn me on while I’m writing it, then the smut I wrote is no good. But I also hate scrapping stuff so I make sure it does turn me on lolol. In more practical terms it means that, since I’ve low libido lately, I get deliberately tipsy before sitting down to write my smut scenes and I write them in 1 or 2 sitting to not break the continuity of my zone. If the smut I wrote turns me on, I know it will cause a fucking waterfall for my commer.

Do your research and set a fair price for your work. I know we live in hard times – as do I. But I find that a lot of creators aren’t even aware of the fair market value of their own labour, they haven’t done the research. Look on Fiverr: there are lots of fanfiction writers on there too and check out their fees. You’ll see that what Tumblr creators often charge for their hard work is scraps compared with those. You can make a decision to charge less to attract more customers as long as it’s a valued and informed decision on your part.

As you know, I’m more of a long work writer – both my comms are above 20k words – so my tips may not be as relevant if you deliver shorter commissions, but still I hope you find something useful in here. Good luck! 🍀

[whentranslatorscry]

Hitagi Honeymoon

021

Though I was prepared for it, the words spoken were harsher than I had anticipated, and there was no doubt it had added fuel to the confusion, if not made the situation worse.

Possibly because I was deep in thought in front of the Sleeping Cat, I found myself more deeply engrossed than usual. From a distance, one might think I was genuinely moved by Hidari Jingorou’s sculpture, but from the perspective of someone who had read the guidebook, I could just as easily be the object of ridicule, not even knowing whether the sculpture was crafted by Hidari Jingorou, let alone if he really existed. It made me feel embarrassment deep within.

The truth is, whoever created it, whatever master sculptor with the seeming ability to bring the work to life— whether or not they actually existed— is somewhat beside the point. What's important is that, in the context of a work attracting literally droves of people like a bustling marketplace, one should understand that it's imbued with commensurate emotions.

Though I'd like to say the same of the Killing Stone as well, its lack of touristy development only adds to its eerie charm— it was anything but ordinary.

In any case, my impulsive musings on this allowed me, for once, to think deeply and grow from the experience; enlightened and made aware of a new perspective. Real or not, I owe my gratitude to Hidari Jingorou.

For sure.

Though I'm older now and not so quick to wholly agree and comply with everything the braided, glasses-wearing class president advises, I must also weigh the ethics of giving up on adopting a little girl vampire.

I’m not as quick as a fox in choosing ethical considerations over modern society.

Instead of giving up, let's rethink the approach.

Once more, from the beginning.

How about we make up for what we couldn't do during spring break—instead of thinking about ways for everyone to be unhappy, let's consider how we could bring happiness to all.

Otherwise, there's no point in growing older.

I managed to turn twenty-four, looping my third year of high school, graduating, entering college, getting a job, moving to the US, and getting married. All of this was done so that I could accomplish things that were impossible when I was seventeen or eighteen.

It's about seizing the moment and doing what can only be done now.

There are dates that only an updated version of myself can be up to.

"So, Shinobu, I'm sorry, but I'll need you to bear with me a little longer. We need to come face-to-face. I’m not finished talking with you yet."

Not fully sharing my perceptions with Shinobu, we had already started on the roadmap for our honeymoon and our family life. That was, to begin with, the root of the problem. We became so inseparable before we even united our names that, in a way, I had treated her carelessly... If I wanted to adopt my slave as my daughter, I should have loved her like one first.

Just as every donut hole is part of the donut, so too is a large wound.

At some point, it had become a part of me.

No matter how fresh or painful the wound, it eventually becomes an old scar, and there's no point in regretting it.

"Or maybe treating you as family was already too casual, but if we keep considering and exploring our options, there might just be a way for you to become Araragi Shinobu while keeping your wish intact. If you want, we could even ask the marriage deity over there…"

Hmm... No response.

She should hear me calling out to her, even while asleep.

I was trying to say good things, but in the end, were they only ever the same off-target remarks I always seem to make?

Was I exasperating her?

"Shinobu... hey, Shinobu?"

I felt ignored— or more precisely, as if Shinobu’s presence in my shadow had become completely invisible. Amid the pouring rain, I crouched down and touched the ground, bewildered.

"……."

I couldn’t sense her.

I could still feel the authority of Tokugawa Ieyasu… that he gave the command to build Nikko Toshogu Shrine is a historical fact, I think. In an uncertain world where I don't know what to believe, still, one thing is certain: since who knows when, the blonde vampire who was supposed to reside in my shadow has been conspicuously absent. I couldn’t wait for her to reply anymore.

Could it be that while I was concentrating on my inner conversation with Hanekawa— while my eyes were closed at the sleeping cat— she had snuck away under my nose? It would have been an easy escape.

But where to? And why?

"No way—"

I had no clue where she might be. As I stood up and looked around, if she were to blend into the crowd with her small physique, there's no way I'd be able to find her. But, as for why she would do it, I can think of one possibility. 

This had happened once before.

In my third year of high school, on the day before the culture festival.

"—Maybe Shinobu-chan went on a journey to find herself?"

Not again.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

[likeadevils]

Hey, just wanted to chip in as a lurker, but copyright files are not an accuracy to go off when a song is recorded, like at all. It’s one of the worst actually because it’s messy. Especially if you pull from a US copyright office. I Almost Do was copyrighted in 2012, yet it was recorded in 2011 & done in 2011. All Too Well was registered in 2011, yet it’s a 2012 song and 2013 again another CR file was made. Now we got a 2021 file of it, yet song was created in 2010. Copyright data isn’t ever good to use to map out this info. Just wanted to throw that in there, because copyright isn’t a good way to say that GaH is about ZE. It’s just not accurate, it’s just misinformation. It gets even more messy when SONY is credited in copyright claimant (when they are involved) they also use the publishing date or recording date as creation. Hope that helps.

it is fairly spotty— especially for like, lover, which i disregard out of hand— but for red i’ve found it to be relatively reliable. obviously if i come across information that contradicts girl at home being written in 2012 i’ll refract it (like i retracted the bit about zac efron) but i’ve found it to be a good roadmap, with the caveat of something that needs to be double checked (everything i put on my timeline solely based of copyright data is marked as speculation though, cause you’re right it can get messy)

my personal theory for girl at home’s creation, which is pure speculation so take it with a grain of salt, is that taylor wanted girl at home to be a pop song, she tried to make it work with nathan chapman, and then when that wasn’t living up to her standards she made the decision to go work with other producers. which makes sense given that they were putting the finishing touches on the album in december but then taylor told big machine she wanted to keep working on the album in january, and why the original red track is (allegedly) just a demo, given that scott borchetta likely gave her a cap on pop songs. again, super willing to throw that all away, but it’s not like it wouldn’t make sense as a january 2012 track

(also from my memory there was a 2010 version of all too well way before red tv came out, cause i had the ‘stay stay stay being the only other song copywriten for 2010’ bit typed out for months before red tv dropped and i wouldn’t write that unless i saw a 2010 atw date? but yknow memory is fallible i could be mixing up my personal timeline)

[superaznchick]

life update #13

it's 12:14am im actually genuinely Very Tired right now but my body is still just shaking from all of the frustration that i have had to hold onto today so im gonna dump until i pass out

I'm shaking because. I just finished having an offsite with my team for the last few days and it is mindblowing how numbingly painful our meetings are. We met Tuesday through Thursday, had 1 team-bonding event for like 2 hours, and the rest of the days were just back to back meetings about basically nothing.

By "nothing" it's like, very vague roadmap discussions, which fine okay I'll bite. Maybe 2ish hours of this, okay fine I'll do it. But

UGH it's so fucking hard to put into words but I really think I need to start learning how to articulate better so I'm gonna try REALLY hard to explain this and explain exactly why I'm frustrated

I have 5 people on my team including me, so 2 guy engineers and 3 girl engineers. And you guessed it, the conversation is usually dominated by the 2 guy engineers. There's 1 girl that also dominates the conversation a bit. I'm frustrated because these are engineers that LOVE to talk, that love to hear themselves talk, that revel in discussing big complex vague ideas, that love getting more words in and sucking more air out. It almost feels as though the more words they spew, the more they feel like they are winning, they are influencing, they are saying something of substance, something important, something so consequential that everyone else in the room just needs and has to listen to everything coming out of their mouth and I am SICK. SICK OF IT.

They are saying NOTHING of substance. You know how I can tell? Because 1 of the engineers literally joined what, like 5 months ago? And he hasn't worked on any major project, and yet he is the one talking the most about "ideally" this and this should work like this, how he has "so many ideas and thoughts" about how things are gonna go and should work out.

The other guy engineer is old and just has a rambling way of talking, one thought or idea that should take 2 sentences he makes it into a whole song and dance. He says the most basic shit but because it takes him fucking 5 minutes to say it, trying to decipher what the fuck he's saying takes so much fucking brain power I can't stand it.

The girl is fine. She's responsive, not pushy. She gives her opinion when prompted and doesn't over extend herself, but some of the stuff she says I can just fucking tell she's trying to imitate the way the guys in the room are talking. Half the time it's still not that important the stuff she's saying

Why am I so frustrated at this? Because these people don't understand the power of shutting the fuck up and listening and absorbing. If you don't know shit about the codebase, you need to shut the fuck up and listen to people that do. If you have a simple thought to say, you need to shut the fuck up and THINK, really USE YOUR BRAIN and CONDENSE that shit!!!! It takes a ton of effort to pick the right words and orchestrate the right things to say, you can't just vomit words at us and waste our fucking time.

But listen. I GET IT. I understand that people, especially engineers, are like this and that's just the way it is. Believe it or not, even though I just spent a bunch of time wailing on them I actually don't blame them!! Like YES, I get it, that's fine, it annoys me but what am I gonna do right.

So the real kicker here, and second layer to my frustration, is this: what the fuck is my manager doing?

For some context, my manager is one of those people that really wants his subordinates to like him. He has no vision, no plan for the team, no thought of how things *should* be. He is not a strong leader. He is concerned with knowing things about the team, knowing how things work, and trying really hard for all of us to like him. He is introverted, he is relateable, he is nice, but he is not a good manager. This is so fucking frustrating because he really should NOT be letting a bunch of engineers pow around and going around asking everyone "oh, what do YOU think we should have on the roadmap? what do YOU think we should prioritize?" bro. This is literally your job. Your job is to put us on the map and get us on the most exciting projects and set us up for success. It is your fucking job to have a vision for the team and edit us the way that we need to be to succeed. It is your job to set expectations and correct us when we do not meet them. I should NOT have to sit in a stuffy room for 9 hours with a bunch of engineers yapping about literally NOTHING IMPORTANT and wasting my fucking time.

I'm not done yet. My THIRD layer of frustration: and UGGGHHH I really think this is what sent me over the edge today I'm literally shaking even more as I write this but. Today, Thursday, the last day of the offsite, I asked to go home early. We were supposed to have a half day of *more* meetings today from 9:30am to 1pm to do even more talking about nothing and everything, but I wanted to go home early BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY MANAGER LOOK GOOD. I'm representing our team as part of a big high-visibility cross-functional engineer effort to do work and I committed to being code complete by Friday. Of course he didn't know about this commitment because he doesn't go to these separate standups and I guess I could have told him so my bad, but I was under the impression that I could handle it. After Wednesday, which was an ENTIRE day of dealing with these people, listening to them talk about nothing and jostle for control over the conversation and talking over each other and debating on pure theoreticals and literally nothing concrete, I was at my wits' end. I couldn't get any fucking work done and I was only halfway done and I really wanted to pull through for Friday. But this morning I asked to go home early and he told me that "it'd be really nice if you could come to these conversations!" and I was like "okay fine but that means I'll have to push back delivery to monday for my code" and he was like "oh I don't remember that we had committed anything but monday should be okay right?"

And now my fourth layer of frustration: He. doesn't. fucking. get it. NOBODY on my team fucking gets it. Nobody GETS. IT. "Gets it" as in like, just understands what it takes, what it's like, what needs to happen for us to achieve excellence. We need VISION. We need guidance, we need priority, we need a fucking leader to just stand up and just DO IT!!!! We don't have the fucking time to sit around, talking and talking and talking about nothing. How can they not see what a big fucking waste of time this is??? How can they not hear themselves when they're talking and they sound like literal idiots. "hurr durr let's try and do this and that with this team, we should grab someone and have them do a code walkthrough" BRO we were literally trying to "anticipate" our future plans with merging with a different team but we know nothing about what their code looks like, WHATS THE POINT of doing all this talking when WE. DONT. KNOW??? Why not make a solid plan, like just send someone from our team over to their team and work on their stuff, explore their codebase, get a solid understanding, and then bring that knowledge back? Or it doesn't have to be like that, but do ANYTHING, ANYTHING at all instead of sitting around, talking for hours, when we DON'T FUCKING KNOW???? How do they not see this?? How does this not drive them crazy?

Maybe now a fifth layer of frustration: I'm just fucking tired. I'm done. I'm so exhausted. I'm exhausted from being surrounded by people like this all the time. These people on my team, they talk so much, they have no vision, they are not self aware, and perhaps worst of all, they are all sensitive to criticism and are not open minded to learn and listen. In fact, most of them don't even see the value of listening. All they want to do is talk and dominate the conversation, as if that will give them some sort of higher influence, like rubbing elbows with success when success isn't even in the room. I feel like I'm the only seeing-eye person in a room full of blind idiots. It's tiring, I feel like I'm insane. The only way I'm staying sane is by being deliberately delusional, by believing that it's not me, it's them.

And you know what? I'm no genius. I'm not that smart. I'm no exceptional leader or holder of power. I believe I have substance and I am deserving of respect, but I do not believe that I am so above anyone else. I don't think I'm all that. But today, this week, made me feel like I was in the bottom of some sort of crucible. I feel evaporated, like the life has just been sucked out of me and all I am now is just a trembling pile of ash. I feel like crying. I feel like screaming.

I harbor no ill will, no hatred, no violence against these people. Because again: I get it. But GOD. DAMN. I'm just blown away. I can't believe that these people can sit there, go through the same experience I did, and not see anything wrong. I'm scared shitless. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this because the social blowback would be insane. Like what, I'm just supposed to tell my manager that he's useless? That he needs to get his shit together?

I've given people constructive feedback before and the social consequences are so fucking real. There's no way I can say anything and not get punished IMMEDIATELY. I'm just so tired. I just want to say the truth. I just want them to see what I see. But now I have to be a loser and just sit in this soiled diaper and not say anything. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate having to deal with people like this - not just my team, but nearly everyone I know. Almost nobody I know around me in my direct line of vision is a "safe" person. I have to tip toe and eggshell and whisper and kiss and be sweet. I have to be so nice all the time. I'm sick of it.

When is it gonna be some else's turn to edit themselves for me?

Fucking hell man. I'm still just trying to digest the fact that my fucking manager forced me to push back a timeline because he genuinely thought that having long meetings about nothing was more important than company optics. It makes me nervous. What the hell else is going on in his brain? If he can pull something like this, I feel like I can't trust him with the direction of the team in his hands. All I wanna do is zone the fuck out and collect my paycheck with the trust that everything we do will mount to something. I can't have any peace like this.

I have to sleep now but I'm still fuming. may or may not come back to this topic later. hope i can actually sleep in peace. good night.

[oftoska]

"hey," moe's on the floor, her feet up on the couch. tipsy, and coming off a high of a good race night - and a mediocre orgasm. that night's entertainment chased off by someone bigger and badder and far too fucking old to be entertaining her. allowing her to steal bacon right off his sandwich and ask him ridiculous questions about his life. "what's your body count? not the murder one, i don't give a fuck about that. the other one. spend a lotta time between people's legs before things went downhill and you got old?" she's SO rude, but there's a smile on her face, and she winks at him after. dragging greasy fingers playfully along the inseam of his pants.

This game they've been playing has gone on for longer than Mal anticipated it would. He figured she'd have gotten bored of him by now, tossed him aside for something more interesting that was around more, easier to use and dispose of just as quickly. He's not questioning it, not at all. Instead he's sitting on the open cushions of her sofa, man-spread like soft butter over hot toast, wolfing down a sandwich made of whatever looked good in her refrigerator. When he'd skulked in she was entertaining some young guy who looked like he needed a roadmap to find the clitoris. The thought made him snort.

He leaned forward when she reached sharp nails for his bacon and let her snipe a piece. For a moment he thought over the question, chewed his food and the answer before swallowing one of them and speaking the other.

"I'unno. Never counted. Lemme think."

Less than most people assumed. More than he gave himself credit for. He was 45 ... carry the one, minus a few that didn't really count ... don't forget the girl in Glasgow, teeth picked at his lower lip while he considered the answer and offered a shrug in response.

"Twenty? Give or take a few?"

It took him a long time to come. Something about his upbringing and the fucked-up connection between intimacy and sexual contact. It wasn't everyone's cup of tea and a lot of times women got bored when they'd had their fun and friction started winning out over lube. He was used to letting them have their ride and finishing off by himself after they left. Or just letting the feeling dissipate in the shower when he was too lazy to make it work.

His knee bounced when she trailed her fingers along his jeans. If his eyes weren't naturally so dark they might have shone something sinister, the glimmer in them surely was a tell.

"S'not easy for me to come. Takes a while. Cut a lot of possible whole deals into oral sex to make it easier. They don't notice when I'm doin' my part."

He plucked another piece of bacon from the sandwich and held it out to her, pinched between his index finger and thumb, near the tease of her lips. The corners of his own raised in slight.

"Whattabout you? How many boys you studdin' out when I'm off doin' wet work?"

He didn't mind that she filled her time with other people. They weren't official, she wasn't his in earnest. When he was gone she was welcome to take anyone she wanted to bed and he wouldn't so much as bat an eye. But when he was back ... that was a different story. He was greedy, never learned to share proper. It was why he kept haunting her home on return trips.

[fireflyhwufanficwriter]

My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s S03E05 (“Science Vessel Perseus”)

(Safe to read for anime-only folks.)

My thoughts after watching Season Three, Episode Five:

01. Poor Kaseki… with all the rain that's made contact with that wood, it's probably expanded in ways that are detrimental to building the ship… :(

02. I don't want a miniature yacht! I want everybody (or almost everybody) to go! :O

03. Whatever Ryusui wants, Ryusui gets! If he wants to turn one million yen a month into an even larger fortune, then that's what he'll do! :D

04. It's interesting how Francois' outfit has more serious colors in the past - like it's a reflection of the difference in vibrancy and life between Francois' past employers and present employer :)

05. Working hard is a great look on Ryusui! :D And Francois gazed at him so admiringly XD I'm guessing the reason he didn't volunteer to build a model ship before was because they were already constructing a ship before Ryusui was depetrified! :)

06. Ryusui used Senku's word - exhilarating! :D

07. Suika has a lot of faith in Senku and Ryusui! :) Hmm, I didn't know before this that Senku's outfit had layers… I learned something new about him today! :O

08. Oh, we're still at paper, then? XD But anyway, this episode's title is "Science Vessel Perseus!" :D

09. Minami's creating the Kingdom of Science Photo Diary! :)

10. A casino… Ryusui sure has his priorities! XD

11. A pantograph… :O Aww, Suika drew a small Senku and the thingy drew a large Senku! :)

12. A 50-kilogram pen for the jumbo-sized version… They really did need power! :O Nazka Lines? Those are in… South America, right? Aww, Taiju drew a medium, more detailed Senku and the thingy drew a humongous, also detailed Senku! :D

13. …I didn't even remember this ship building roadmap until they showed it to us again XD

14. They need time… the most important resource of all :O

15. Kohaku loves winter sports! (Although they make her look blurry XD) Senku's making chocolate! Ukyo taught Suika and the other kids how to read! Nikki has cute writing, and Senku has… less cute text he wants to include with the photos XD

16. Hmm, Senku looked a little older after that lathe conversation… or is it just me? :O

17. How long would it take to find and utilize wild silk moths? But however long it took, they did, it and Ruri and Kohaku like the results… especially Kohaku, who looks all blurry in the photos again! :D And Suika was hiding with the other watermelons! :)

18. One year to build the ship… and a Season Two callback about how long a year can be! :D

19. Minami knows everybody, and will miss everybody… and may even feel a sense of responsibility towards those she chose to be revived… It's a tough position to be in… :(

20. Francois really thinks of everything in advance, even photo timers! :O

21. On September 10, 5741, the kingdom of science completed the Perseus sailing ship! :D

22. Senku and Suika are next to each other on the platform as the Perseus is being launched into the sea! And Kaseki's so happy about the grandest project of his life being completed! :)

23. I wish they had explained more about Perseus and Medusa, and why it's the perfect name for the ship! Maybe in the next episode? Although Chrome seems to get the reference, so maybe the story was told before this moment :D

24. Oooh, this is a new, epic-sounding song! :O And we have the world exploration team, and the humanity development team! :O

25. Senku has a great point! Imagine putting EVERYBODY on the ship… only for it to sink and doom the future of humanity XD

26. Ryusui's a very thoughtful, caring captain to think of what harm an unwilling sailor can do to a ship's entire crew! :)

27. Oooh, the boarding of the ship has begun… cue the opening song! :D Senku, Chrome, Kaseki, Yuzuriha, Ukro, Francois, the power team (which includes Kohaku! :D)… Kinro, who only boarded when called because rules are rules! :) And… Ginro… XD Senku's very considerate to point out that the humanity development team will be doing important work as well! :D

28. That's Kohaku, taking other people's safety very seriously! :) Strange how she didn't know about Hyoga and Homura being on the ship already, though… who got them on there? Taiju and Nikki? Oh, interesting that Kohaku used the word "Japan!" The modern era folks must have explained more about the world to the Ishigami Village folks! :D

29. It's a huge risk, but a very smart move at the same time. This way the most powerful warriors will be watching over the most powerful enemies… :O

30. Hahaha, Gen was trying to speed things up before his name got called XD And Kohaku comes to a realization about Gen's way of saving face :)

31. And they've set sail! The humanity development team looks like they're really going to miss the world exploration team! :O

32. Kohaku's pretty understanding of Ginro's point-of-view! :O And speaking of Ginro… What an incredibly underhanded by clever plan! XD He even used his knowledge as a person of the water to do it right! But, since Senku and Ginro collaborated on his entry into the Grand Bout, he knows how Ginro's mind works… :D

33. So, was Kinro about to thank Senku because he had the tiniest of hopes that Ginro would do exactly this? In any case, Ginro's "decision" to chase after them is a huge morale booster for the world exploration team! They're even dancing in a circle around him! :D Although… poor Ginro… because of Senku and science, Ginro's underhanded, clever plan completely backfired… XD

34. Senku's eyes were shining as he talked about where they would go next - to the island where his father and the others started the new age of humanity, and where the Hundred Tales were born! :O

35. And that's Episode Five! :) I think I liked it more than Episode Four, because this one had more interpersonal interactions, whereas the previous episode was more technical. I know what's coming up in the next episode - whose title is "Treasure Box - and it's going to be a lot of fun to watch! :D

https :// fireflyhwufanficwriter . tumblr . com / MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts

[studiohromi]

Book Review: Building Science Graphics by Jen Christiansen

Building Science Graphics, written by science communicator and Senior Graphics Editor at Scientific American Jen Christiansen and published by CRC Press, was released late last year. As soon as it was available for preorder, I felt like I was seeing it everywhere on social networks; seemingly every medical illustrator I follow was posting about it and expressing their excitement and interest in this new release, and I ordered a copy for myself straightaway. The full title of the book is Building Science Graphics: An illustrated guide to communicating science through diagrams and visualizations, and it is exactly what it says it is in the title, plus so much more. The book is a practical guide, a vibrant resource, a hands-on roadmap, and something that I wish had existed approximately nine to twelve years ago when I was a student.

Before even beginning my readthrough, I was struck by how tidy and well-designed the book is in and of itself. From the cover design to the typographical choices to the satisfying CMYK color palette used throughout, Building Science Graphics is approachable and inviting even while simply flipping through the pages. It is obvious at a glance that Christiansen put care and attention into every detail of this book; it becomes clear while reading that she has applied many of the very principles that she’s communicating within the book, to the book – which, in fact, is called out once or twice.

Christiansen begins Part 1: Underpinning with a solid foundation of background information, which includes an introduction to science graphics as a concept (it’s worth noting that this book defines science graphics as “illustrated explanatory diagrams”), fundamentals of science communication and graphic design, and the science of perception. This then leads seamlessly into practical design principles such as composition, hierarchy, color, and typography. Much of this section of the book felt simultaneously like a standard review of everyday knowledge and like a fresh perspective on things I hadn’t realized I’d forgotten. My favorite aspect of these chapters on design principles was the “hypothetical graphic” makeover, an image created by Christiansen entirely as a proof of concept; this image appears at the end of a few chapters in a row, steadily improved with incremental augmentations that visibly demonstrate and apply the subject matter of the chapter, with explanations of how and why those decisions were made.

In addition to these faux examples, the book also includes several real instances of science graphics and illustrations that demonstrate the topics at hand (many of these examples are courtesy of AMI members and other well-known professionals in my industry, and it delighted me each time to see names I recognized). Christiansen sprinkles many of her own finished works throughout the book as well, which are not only relevant representations of the material, but also highlight her skill, competence, and authority to be writing about these topics. That said, Christiansen is a frank and unpretentious author. The book opens with a straightforward explanation of what it is and is not about. Christiansen makes clear that she writes only from her own personal experience (with all the privileges and biases that come with it) and is not trying to represent a monolith or speak on behalf of anybody else. She recognizes that her knowledge is largely rooted in western and Eurocentric design, and that while that can be a useful framework, it’s certainly not universal. At multiple points, she admits when something is not her area of expertise, and points readers to resources that elaborate more on those particular topics. In fact, footnotes and resource lists are included in each chapter, adding to my ever-growing collection of books I want to add to my library and collection of pages I now have bookmarked in my web browser.

The later chapters of Part 1 guide readers through visual style, storytelling, and finally practicalities (e.g., tools of the trade, file settings, and accessibility, among other subjects), effortlessly leading into Part 2: Illustrating Science. This is the section that elevates the discussion from topics that can apply to design as a whole to topics that center specifically on science design and science communication. Part 2 is relatively short, but it includes refreshing topical observations on how to combat misinformation and disinformation, how best to communicate uncertainty, and ways to decode and clarify visual jargon.

“The key is to remember that building graphics is a process, with stages. You can’t expect graphics to emerge fully formed at the last minute, in a single go.”

Part 3: D.I.Y. (Do It Yourself) contains the self-described “heart of the book . . . two step-by-step graphical worksheets, designed to help jump-start any new project.” Also included in this section (as well as in the earlier parts of the book) are Christiansen’s own messy preliminary sketches, which I personally appreciated seeing. I am admittedly somebody who expects instant gratification and tends to want to rush past the ugly stages of a project, so seeing other people’s scribbles reinforces their importance as part of the process as a whole. And Part 3 of Building Science Graphics is entirely about the process, describing the flow of a project from start to finish, including the aforementioned step-by-step guides as well as a few different case studies.

What I would have loved to see, or would love to see eventually, is a downloadable (or on the more ambitious end, interactive) version of those step-by-step worksheets. I realize they’re not one-size-fits all, but I could see them being an incredibly useful model for illustrators and designers of all skill levels who are approaching a new project or are stuck at a challenging stage of an in-progress project. Considering the robustness of the “more to explore” page at buildingsciencegraphics.com, I would not be surprised if there are already plans to offer this; in the meantime, we can all scan our book pages or mark them up directly (in pencil of course).

Lastly, Part 4: Joint Efforts discusses collaborations and co-design, the working relationship between scientists and artists, and the basics of critique. The book closes with several interviews between Christiansen and professionals from a number of different backgrounds and disciplines offering their perspectives on the collaborative design process. My favorite quote from these Q&As was from Designer Angela Morelli, when asked two separate questions: “What’s your top piece of advice for designers entering a collaboration with scientists?” and “What’s your top piece of advice for scientists entering a collaboration with designers?” Morelli’s answer to both questions was identical: “Listen. Engage. Respect.”

All in all, if I haven’t made it clear already, I highly recommend Building Science Graphics. Up top I mentioned wishing I’d had this book available to me as a student, but I even wish I’d had it one year ago as a professional medical illustrator. I would absolutely endorse this book as required or suggested reading for medical illustration students in particular; but I would also argue that every one of us is a lifelong learner and has something to gain, whether it’s a refresher of old knowledge or a new way of considering seemingly familiar topics. Regardless, it’s an enjoyable and fast read that I was able to get through in just a few evenings; though it’s not necessarily the type of book I’ll ever read front-to-back again, I expect to turn to it repeatedly in the future as handy reference material.