#so now. whoops but it gets WORSE bc this guy was like a Chosen One by the gods

[loverboybrightsideghost]

3, 20, 25?

3- Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

it's Queen, and okay yes everyone knows queen, but i feel like this year i actually listened and particularly appreciated them more. i have the LP of a night at the opera and every single song on that album is imprinted in my soul it's sooooo good. i got another queen record recently so >:)))) i plan to one day get them all, or at least all the ones i like (which is probably gonna be all of them anyways lol)

20- what's something you learned this year?

someone told me this a few years ago, but this year especially is when it really sunk in for me: if you think you're really good at something (like in a hubris-y way specifically), you're not as good as you think you are, and if you think you're really bad at something, you're not as bad as you think you are. 

i also learned from antigone funn and bijou from wooden overcoats that "you're out there, being you, in front of other people!" "that matters to you?" that matters. your heroes may seem perfect and graceful and put together, but they're people just like you and just like you, they get nervous and have their own insecurities. you are your own worse critic, and that also applies to the "best of the best" too. and here's the thing, no matter how good or bad ANYONE thinks they are at their craft, it matters to somebody out there. maybe it's just you, and maybe it's someone in a crowd you'll never meet, or maybe it's someone long long after you're dead. but what we do matters.

25- did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? describe one.

sadly i did not :/ i can tell you a bit about my oc renata though (in the tags)

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Fic Idea Adoption!

i have way too many ideas for fics and i know i won't ever get around to writing them all so i'm putting some ideas up for adoption!! i may or may not write these eventually, but they're too good of ideas to leave sitting in my notes app forever, so i'm releasing them to the void! anyone and everyone is welcome to use them, and feel free to be as ambiguous with the prompts as you want! no particular order but nsfw ideas are at the bottom for anyone who wants to avoid them!

(if you do use any of these, i would love to read the fic!! you definitely do not have to but please feel free to send me anything you write off this list!!)

-john takes rodney to earths moon

-john and rodney find the ancient equivalent of speed. they do Everything

-au where ronon gets earth to repeal dadt bc john tells him it's why he can't be with rodney and ronon goes I Must Fix This (he enlists teyla and lorne and maybe cadman)

-rodney asks ronon to go with john to earth (outcast coda)

-rodney goes on bill nye saves the world after stargate declassification

-evans biggest fear is having to shoot john (and maybe getting a promotion bc of it?) and john finds out

-rodney’s ‘torture too hideous and intimate to recount’ is him being tortured, just for them to realize that torturing his team is a better way to break him

-teyla living out ‘the chosen one’ trope

-what happens to sora after the eye

-au where meredith(female!rodney) comes to atlantis instead of rod and not only is rodney horribly disturbed, he’s furious (and strangely confused) as to why everyone apparently likes him more as a woman

-todd is weirdly obsessed with this strange human he meets, and is determined to get closer to him

-the team is most excited about catching up with todd when they get the confirmation atlantis is going back to pegasus

-everyone complains about rodney’s moods bc no one can complain about the infinitely worse in every way sheppard bad moods, that make everyone on the base wish they were on a hive ship being eaten by two wraith at once

-au where ronon ends up on athos at the same time the wraith come and he sneaks through the gate with the intention of just sneaking away on the next planet but whoops it’s atlantis (ronon pov)

-rodney keeps a memorial for every single scientist lost in his lab and radek shows it to new scientists who start complaining about rodney not caring and risking their lives

-reaper au where’s he’s fed the fuck up with these two stupid men who never actually die when they’re supposed to and it’s more annoying than anything now bc he still needs to show up

-au carson comes to atlantis and is HORRIFIED by becketts retrovirus research and the hoffan drug bc “does the hippocratic oath mean NOTHING here???”

-au where rodney can’t admit to himself what john means to him, until something happens that brings all the alternate rodney’s that have lost their johns to atlantis, and they all fall apart when they see john alive, and john and rodney have to have a Conversation (mcshep? maybe ambiguous? idk yet)

-rodney sees john as three separate entities: the Colonel, who is Professional Important Official Man; sheppard, who is his friend/team lead that he hangs out with and goes on missions with; and john, who he’s always seeming to have very intimate moments with that make him question a lot of how he feels

-early days in the city, elizabeth is sick of the marines shitting on the scientists for not being tough and the scientists for shitting on the marines for not being smart so she makes them try to solve a fake crisis from the other side and everyone is like aww shit this is harder than it looks

-that thing where tough men pretend they don’t care much about someone but then the person gets hurt and Tough Guy go a little feral and then holds them close and whisper pet names (sweetheart, baby, darling, etc) but it’s john and/or ronon after rodney gets injured

-the more important something is to john, the harder it is for him to talk about it, and rodney starts to realize how hard it is for john to talk about what rodney means to him

-a bunch of au sheppards get brought to atlantis and one on them is terrified of flying

-rodney has always said biology was beneath him, but then ford almost died, and was… different, from the wraith. and rodney knew he had to find a way to help ford, maybe find a way to fix his mental problems while keeping the physical benefits. rodney and carson find a way to save ford and sheppard is so thankful he kisses them both

nsfw ideas:

-ronon suggests some planets for trading when they get low on supplies that have an interesting trade system. it seems too good to be true and they wonder why telya hasn't taken them until they find out that they trade goods for sex

-au where john is hired as a spy for atlantis and he seduces people in pegasus to get intel for the city

-sometimes rodney just grabs john (by the hair, throat, back of the neck, chin, etc) and asks who he belongs to and john instantly melts

-rodney decides to be a tease on a mission and teyla and ronon think mckay is just really pissing sheppard off when he pulls mckay away for “privacy” but really he’s just super horny and wants to fuck (or, teyla and ronon don’t realize that their fighting is foreplay)

[vcnder-blog]

wow...it’s really me...agAIN and i have literally nothing together yet, but i’m hyped so hello! i’m sam, 20, she/her, est timezone and i also play ben the sourwolf and the cutie quill wallace so you can message me wherever for plots! anyway, let’s get into it! details about this one who has never done anything wrong ever in his life will be under the cut and you know the deal! i want all the plots!

➰ ( AVAN JOGIA, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) *✧.:°░｡ —- is that VANDER SANGHAVI ?! you know them, right? they are the 25 year old SHADOWHUNTER !! they’re known for being BENEVOLENT & INDIVIDUALISTIC - but i’d be careful if i were you because they’re also QUIXOTIC & RESTIVE. i heard they volunteered to be paired with SOPHIE TURNER.

so first thing’s first: his full first name is actually devander if i remember what i picked correctly lmao but he doesn’t like to be called that and literally no one ever does call him that except for his parents

wHO ARE THE WORST BTW. like, okay, remember in the show when alec and izzy’s parents first showed up and their mom was like that and you were like um, yIKES???? yeah, vander’s mom is like that except 100000000000000000000% worse. his dad is very strict and cold and far from vander’s favorite person buT HIS MOM IS ONE FUCKING PIECE OF WORK OK

which we’ll get into momentarily!

so, vander’s story is that he’s an only child, born in idris to the extremely wealthy, extremely respected and extremely well - known sanghavi family. both of his parents are super high - ranking council members and basically when i think of what they do i think of this scene from sherlock i’m a nerd okAY DRAG ME where mycroft is like “i occupy a small position within the british government” and sherlock scoffs and says “plEASE HE IS THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT” which is basically what i imagine his parents are like with their jobs in the clave aka they pretty much are the clave which i imagine is pretty common knowledge among shadowhunters and probably earns the family name a lot of respect but also hatred because all of their power and influence that goes wrong within the clave and all of their bias and shady business is, for the most part, completely their fault.

anyway, when vander was born his parents were a little older than the typical age at which shadowhunters tend to begin having kids and that’s because they’d been trying for a while before vander finally came along and he was basically their miracle child :')

lived in idris and spent the majority of his life there, specifically on the family estate property. even for a shadowhunter he had an extremely sheltered upbringing ok like because of his parents and their job and their obsession with molding vander into the perfect child and perfect successor for their position on the council which is what they always saw him as first and foremost rather than y’know THEIR SON, he was pretty much never allowed to leave the family property except for major social events. literally he wasn’t allowed to leave, spent all day every day studying and training and his parents kept him so isolated from other children friendships and love is weakness yeah yeah whatever that his only friends growing up were his trainers and tutors and the housekeeping staff

basically if it wasn’t guaranteed to make him a better shadowhunter and train him properly to take over their position within the clave then vander’s parents absolutely forbid it.

he couldn’t even really sneak away bc wtf is there to do in idris???? and anyway, the family estate was monitored by guards at every angle 24/7 because the idea that someone would try to assassinate the whole family was always entirely too plausible

i pretty much think of vander of being raised like a royal child if ygm? like, everyone knows who he is but no one really knows him and he never really got to have friends or anything normal like that and his upbringing in general was extremely strict and isolated and sheltered and privileged.

the first time vander ever left idris was the age of seventeen when he fought tooth and nail to accompany his father on clave business. specifically, his father would be taking temporary control of the institute in india for a months ( which he was chosen for because it was one of many jobs he’d been good at whilst climbing the ranks back in the day ). vander begged and pled and begged to be taken along and while his mother in particular was not happy about it, his father finally agreed!

vander loved that trip so much that he whoops sorta sneaked out of the institute on the night before he and his father were supposed to go home, ran away and hasn’t looked back since

he’s spoken with his parents plenty of times since then though. they’re still furious with him for running away and they take every chance they’re given to remind him of that and ask him to come home and finish his studies buT vander absolutely refuses and is pretty sure that if he ever sees idris or that dumb enormous house ever again it’ll be way too fucking soon

anyway, he’s gotten lots of practical training in his travels. despite his family name and the way people often treat him because of it, vander seriously just works as a typical shadowhunter doing normal old demon killing assignments and stuff.

he’s an expert with twin seraph blades though and there’s a 1000000% chance he could wipe the floor with anyone when it comes to using those things

it was at the dublin institute that things actually got interesting though lmao. there, he met helena havenborn and holy shit he fell in love with her so hard and fast and to this day he absolutely loves her to pieces jsyk

they got together, got engaged and were the most obnoxiously in love pair you could ever possibly come across until that mission gone wrong wherein helena’s parabatai was killed and she got turned into a werecat

vander hasn’t seen her since before she left for that mission

she thinks that he listened to his family and dumped her because she was now a downworlder, he thinks she left him and literally neither of those things are true they are 100000% lies made up by vander’s parents and lbr probably also helena’s mom to keep them apart and to try and get vander to finally come home

spoiler alert: it didn’t work

vander is just so heartbroken and he has been ever since. due to his extremely isolated upbringing, he was never very close with anyone not even his parents and then helena came along and they were everything to each other she was everything to him and then she just left him and vander tries really hard to be understanding like he knows the situation was devastating all around but he can’t help these feelings of bitterness he now has for helena as he sorta feels abandoned by her 

EXCEPT SHE DIDN’T ABANDON HIM AND HE DIDN’T ABANDON HER HIS MOM IS JUST A MEDDLING TRIFLER SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THEM PLEASE

still loves her so so so so much regardless of what he thinks happened

left the dublin institute not long after that and went somewhere else and now he’s just coming to cali probably on assignment due to the theft. he’s here to lend an extra hand and has no idea that helena is here so :) :) :) :)

that...was so long i apologize but if you’ve gotten this far and wanna keep reading then we’re about to get into personality and stuff!

vander is basically a good beautiful angel who has never done a single thing wrong ever in his whole life

no ok i’m moSTLY KIDDING but vander is genuinely a good person. having essentially been forced to spend his entire childhood studying the accords and all other shadowhunter law, he’s extremely aware that shadowhunters and especially the clave are far from perfect and are in fact very flawed and very biased. he’ll point it out to anyone who’ll listen and is definitely into working towards a better and more peaceful future

he’s a rebellious free spirit, believes in standing up for your beliefs and always doing what’s right rather than what’s lawful

so yeah in case you wanted to guess he and his parents can’t stand each other

his biggest flaw is that he can be way too idealistic and often forgets how the real world actually works

also has a tendency to mope about helena but insist he’s fine when he’s very clearly Not Fine™

listen okay i cannot stress enough how much he still loves helena he loves her TO PIECES HE LOVES HER SO MUCH SHE IS ABSOLUTELY IT FOR HIM IF YOU ASK HIM LIKE I MEAN SHIT HE WAS GONNA MARRY HER???? HE STILL WANTS NOTHING MORE ANd i cannot stress enough how heartbroken he is right now in spite of pretending he’s fine

he’s bi though if anyone wanted to know lmao

playfully arrogant, especially when it comes to his expertise with those twin seraph blades i mentioned before

stands up for the little guy at every turn

major sweet tooth, especially when it comes to candy and anything chocolate

he is overall a genuinely good person: friendly, understanding, compassionate, extremely considerate, and capable. however, his idealism, stubbornly rebellious nature and default of being extremely emotional, passionate and intense can often be a hindrance, especially as a shadowhunter. surely they would keep him from being the good and effective leader that he could potentially be otherwise, but having spent basically his entire life observing just how much power can corrupt people he’s not particularly interested in being a leader anyway 

ALL HE WANTS IS TO MARRY THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND IDK MAYBE A BAG OF M&M’S BUT NAH HE’S JUST GONNA SUFFER

UPDATES!

vander is an A M A Z I N G artist. specifically drawing and painting. art was pretty much the only “frivolous~” hobby his parents allowed him to participate in as a child aside from the occasional piano lesson and vander always loved it. he’s an extremely talented artist and he’s pretty much always drawing / painting in what little free time he has. i have this hc that his runes are absolutely beautiful like they’re perfect and gorgeous and often admired though vander thinks he’s just sorta okay at art and sees it as just a fun little hobby tbh

and really that’s all it is to him. he’s not interested in dropping everything to become an artist nor has he ever been. he loves art but he loves being a shadowhunter too and for now it’s all he has.

vander knows literally nothing about mundane culture. dude can’t drive, can’t work most electronics, will not understand any pop culture references at all he’ll just stare blankly at you completely confused

also doesn’t understand social cues sometimes. he’s gotten better at it in recent years but he can sorta clueless and awkward sometimes due to experiencing basically no socialization during his entire childhood. vander is genuinely nice and always means well but sometimes he’s just...not great with people but it never deters him at all he learns, corrects himself and gets right back into things. he might occasionally need require further explanations and help understanding things sometimes but he’s a pretty quick learner

he could possibly have a parabatai though we would need to do a lot of plotting and there’s a good chance that vander and this parabatai are not on good terms at the moment. not 100% sure about this but feel free to message me if you’re interested anyway

the consul aka helena’s mother literally fucking HATES him personally

finally...that’S ALL FOR NOW. this is so long and if you read it all i don’t know hoW but please feel free to message me for plots!!!! either here or over at @mcrdices is probably best!!!! and as you know i’m down for anything and i’m really excited to write with you all as usual!

[artlessictoan]

Unrequited – SakuTema

ok this one is way longer than i was planning whoops i live for awkward tema and mutual pining it’s a modern au setting, kinda funny but also kinda sad, also featuring aroace shika.. bc why not

---

“You know you could just say something to her, right?” Shikamaru said nonchalantly, blowing a smoke ring towards the sky, she exasperatedly swatted it away.

“You know you’re the last person I’d ever go to for love advice, right?” Temari glared at him for a brief second, before her gaze habitually skittered away, back to the gorgeous woman hunched over on a bench, using her lap as a desk as she scribbled furiously onto some form or another.

She’d been watching for a while now, Shikamaru had called her a stalker when he found out she’d been following the woman during their breaks at work – even though it would be far easier to just go to the break room like all the other doctors, Sakura seemed to prefer walking the short distance to the nearby park, to sit on this specific bench, under a heavy, ancient oak tree’s canopy, taking with her whatever work she could carry from the hospital – but even calling her every name for ‘creepy’ under the sun hadn’t been enough to stop him tagging along today.

It was creepy, she knew that, but she consoled herself with the knowledge that she wasn’t going to ever do anything, other than watch.

She just wanted to keep an eye on her, make sure she didn’t stay out too long, the day was cold and there was a thickness to the air that suggested rain, not that Sakura seemed to care, wrapped in her thick raincoat. She couldn’t even begin to describe why she found it so endearing, that the woman was so stubborn in this little habit of hers, but it made her heart flutter regardless.

Next to her, Shikamaru groaned, slumping even further down in his seat, so much that he might as well just be sitting on the damp floor. “Couldn’t do any worse than you.”

Temari didn’t even need to look to idly smack at his chest, so instead she kept her eyes fixed on the doctor instead. That beautiful, pale pink hair that had been so carefully tied back this morning, was starting to slip from its ponytail, the short strands that fell into her face getting absently tucked behind an ear, barely breaking her concentration as she juggled the files and clipboards on her lap.

She was nothing if not a hard worker, it was one of the things Temari most admired about her.

Not the only thing of course, there was also her intelligence, even as a recent graduate, she was respected by the hospital veterans, who often asked for her thoughts on their cases. And she had an incredible bedside manner, the way she could coax a smile from a nervous child and calm even the testiest of patients was utterly incomprehensible to Temari – who had gained a reputation as the most insensitive administrative manager the world had ever seen among her colleagues.

She was determined, she was practical, she was sharp and she was kind; basically, she was Temari’s perfect woman.

Except for the part where she didn’t know she existed.

Well, perhaps that was going a bit far, they’d spoken at least twice, and sometimes she would even smile at her in the hallways, a kind of smile that made Temari have to stop and clutch at her heart for a good minute or so after, gasping for a breath stolen by that woman who must be some kind of avatar of Spring and Hope and Beauty.

So, she knew she existed, she just didn’t care was all. So much better.

“You know if you keep glaring like that, she’s gonna start thinking you hate her.” And, once again, Shikamaru’s voice shattered her wonderful daydream, where a beautiful, pink-haired woman was getting down on one knee and declaring her sudden, undying love.

“I’m not glaring,” she snapped, feeling her cheeks starting to burn horribly and mentally blaming it on the cold.

He raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Ugh! Just shut up, why’d you even come?” she asked, already preparing a retort should the idiot make the obvious counterpoint that he couldn’t answer her question and shut up at the same time, probably in that annoying blank tone that always sounded far more sarcastic than should be possible.

But, he didn’t, in fact he stayed quiet for long enough that she started to wonder if he wasn’t going to reply at all.

“Because I wanted to see how bad you had it,” he eventually said, giving her a searching look, “and it looks pretty damn bad.”

She knew it was true, but that didn’t mean she had to be happy to hear it. “Like you know what you’re talking about Mr ‘Love is a drag’, maybe keep your oh-so-insightful words to things you actually know the slightest thing about, m’kay?”

Well… her insensitive reputation wasn’t entirely undeserved.

Luckily for her, Shikamaru was probably the most blasé man alive. “Riiight, because Ms ‘I’m so bad at interpersonal interactions I don’t know how to look at the girl I like without imploding’ is a fount of wisdom.”

She sucked in a breath, already preparing a long diatribe that would probably make her father roll in his grave. “As if you-”

“Uh, hey guys.”

All at once, that breath was released less like the explosion she’d been planning, and more like a leaking balloon, she didn’t even want to turn and look, but her greedy, greedy eyes were clearly plotting against her, because they didn’t waste a second drinking in the gorgeous image of a slightly dishevelled, slightly confused figure.

“You two on break as well?” Sakura asked, her expression vaguely uncomfortable, as though she didn’t really want to be there.

Unfortunately, her mouth chose this moment to completely dry up, leaving her looking like a gaping, wide-eyed idiot.

“She is,” Shikamaru helpfully supplied, nodding in Temari’s general direction, “I just wanted an excuse to get out of the office for a smoke,” he finished, holding up his nearly-finished cigarette as evidence.

Sakura frowned slightly, but kept any comments about bad habits to herself. “Should you really be saying that in front of your boss?”

He blinked, staring at her like she’d just grown a second head. “But… that would mean suggesting I actually respect her.” The grunt as she elbowed his side was deeply satisfying, she was actually kind of grateful; he always knew exactly what to say to get her out of a funk.

“Idiot, just get back to work already, would you? You’ll be staying after hours to make up this time, by the way.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” he groaned, pushing himself to his feet and slowly ambling away, throwing a ‘Bye’ over his shoulder as he left. And suddenly, she wished he hadn’t, because now she was left alone with a wonderful doctor, vainly hoping that the cold wind would do something about her deepening blush already.

She couldn’t quite force herself to look Sakura in the eyes, so instead she stared at the hands clasping the stack of files she’d brought out with her; short, calloused fingers twitching and tapping anxiously.

“Well, uh, my break’s almost over now, so I guess I should-”

“Right! Yeah, I mean, same here-” god she just wanted to slap herself “-might as well walk back together, right?”

Sakura gave a tight-lipped smile, but nodded and stepped back, silently waiting for the blonde to stand up and start walking. She did so with an internal sigh, the first time she’d ever gotten to be alone with her crush and things were already painfully awkward.

And it didn’t get any better, the distance between the park and the hospital was short, barely even a five minute walk, but it felt like hours, they both mostly kept silent as they moved, occasionally making a forced casual comment about the weather or work, but any hint of conversation quickly sputtered and died before it could really begin, she started preying that they’d catch up to Shikamaru so there was someone else to bear the heavy air crushing them, but the man could be surprisingly fast when he wanted to be and probably expected her to use this opportunity to confess her feelings.

But she couldn’t, not when the object of her affections could barely look her in the eye for a second and her voice was soft and impassive.

It didn’t happen and, as they finally strode through the hospital doors together, she couldn’t even bring herself to look at the woman as she said goodbye, already charging towards her friend to chew him out for putting her through all that.

---

Sakura sighed as she watched the statuesque woman march away, grabbing her co-worker’s arm and dragging him down the hall. Well, she’d just gone and blown any chance she might’ve ever had.

Of all the women she could’ve chosen to fall for, it just had to be the one with a boyfriend.