#so my skunk collection grows

[robogenko]

I've been made aware of these stinky little skunks and now I need all of them.

[ms-demeanor]

If you're new to me yelling about this: my neighbors feed a feral cat colony but provide no other care to the colony like neuter/spay or vaccination. They free feed the cats, which attracts skunks, and they have (at the moment) about 20 cats in the colony, which attracts coyotes.

My dog has been skunked twice, she can't be outside in our yard unsupervised for even a minute because otherwise she'll try to eat cat shit because there's cat shit everywhere in my yard because the neighbors also haven't provided litterboxes or a sandbox for their ferals (their entire yard is paved) and if she has to go outside at night I need to clear the yard for coyotes before I let her out even in the small fenced area by our bedroom.

Also there are fleas fucking *everywhere* and even though my dog is on medication to prevent fleas I need to de-flea her twice a week in the summer; this is the case for every dog owner on the street.

The street I live on has a speed limit of 25mph but I hear cats getting hit frequently, so frequently that we have a resident group of crows who hang out and wait for them to become roadkill.

I have a collection of photos on my phone that show kittens with broken legs, kittens with missing eyes, kittens with horrible ear mite infections, and I have a dedicated shovel that I use for moving cat corpses that show up on my property. The cats that die on my property die from abscessed wounds from fights with other cats, respiratory infections, renal failure, and injuries from being hit by cars.

My spouse is immune compromised, and while toxoplasmosis is not a serious risk for most people, it IS a serious risk for people who are immune compromised (as are all the other infections that cats can potentially carry), which means that it's unsafe for me to grow vegetables in my yard for us to eat and it's unsafe for him to work in the yard.

I'd love to maybe open my windows at night and keep down the electricity costs of using the AC, but I can't because the entire side of my house that faces my neighbor's yard reeks of cat shit and piss year round.

Those are my next door neighbors.

Last week I was walking my dog as a neighbor around the corner was pulling out of her garage; she paused and rolled down her window and pointed at the cats on her lawn and said "Head's up, my cats are weirdly aggressive about small dogs and they just got let out so they're full of energy right now" and I nodded and crossed the street and didn't yell at my neighbor but *the temptation was there* because A) why are you letting your aggressive animals roam and B) Why are you letting your cats shit all over the neighborhood and C) Why are you exposing your owned cats to the risks of the large and territorial feral colony that is a literal stone's throw away from your house?

Anyway, and as always, Keep Your Fucking Cats Indoors.

[ahhvernin]

To my nosy neighbors who say my yard is full of "Trash" Those are native flowers.

Black eye susans

Milkweed

Jewel weed

White Heath Aster.

They're dying...because its almost OCTOBER. Its called WINTER IS COMING. You don't like my "Messy Garden", well I don't like your golf course manicured lawn. It looks haunted. Devoid of life, only the remnants of the spirits of what could have been there. Meanwhile I have bumblebees, green metallic sweat bees, honey bees, monarchs, skippers, hairstreaks, house finch, catbirds, mocking bird, cardinals, dark eye junkos, ruby throated hummingbirds my favorite bird, grackles, dragonflies and A SHIT TON OF FIREFLIES. And you know what sometimes it takes like 2 years for someone to watch how their garden grows and then decide what to plant there. Its called: "Not spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on landscaping and plants that will probably die if the professionals dont come and take care of them"

Also I dont see you sharing the fruits of your labor such as harvested vegetables with the neighbors. Have some Tomatoes, radishes, peas and squash. Don't yell at me for "Not cutting the lawn every week" When you don't even physically mow your own lawn and then have the gall to tell me "If you can't hire a landscaper you shouldn't be living in a house." What kind of elitist bullshit is that. Don't tell me you can't mow your lawn because of your bad knee, but expect me to mow my lawn with how shitty legs that want to give me a 40 minute cramp. And then give me a sob story that you got to spend most of your Social Security Check on landscaping and you eat like a dog. Well...Then...Have some damn tomatoes, radishes, peas and squash. PS. I'm doubling down, finally know what I'm doing with that one flower bed. I'm putting more black eye susans, I'm also gonna add New England Asters and White Heath Asters. Locally collected BTW. I'm gonna get my cottage meadow house one way or another and I'm not gonna hire landscapers. That's like a weeks worth of groceries. P.P.S The skunk is nomadic. It hopscotches from property to property. It sprays because your dogs and cats are in the yard in the middle of the the night. I don't have pets other than my fish, and I only generate one 8lb bag of trash each week, so I don't know what "TRASH and GARBAGE" you're talking about. P.P.P.S This isn't an HOA. If you want manicured curb appeal without any personality, you are free to retire in an HOA. Otherwise...

My Yard, My Playground.

Also, I'm not hiring a snow removal company either, deal with my zigzaggy hand shoveled driveway.

[monocodoll]

Drug Dealing Mod Report(Crafting Drugs, Rehab, and Laundering Dirty Money)

Another month has passed. which means I have been rather silent, but I haven't been idle. This month I have been working on features involving Crafting Drugs, Rehab, and introduced a Dirty Money/Laundering System. Which is what this report will go over.

Crafting Drugs

On my report last month, I showcased some harvestable plants. Which some of those ingredients obtained through the harverstable plants will be used to craft drugs. Those being Buds for White Widow, Purple Haze, Skunk, OG Kush, AK47, and Amnesia. As well as Opium and Coca Leaves.

[Producing Weed Baggies]

Everything you will need, 16 of a single weed strain, Empty Jar, and a Baggy.

In order to produce your very own weed baggies. You will first need to grow Cannabis plants and obtain 16 buds of a weed strain.

Upon obtaining 16 buds you will need to obtain a Empty Jar. While having the 16 buds of a strain in your inventory select the Empty Jar and choose a strain to cure.

In this case we chose to cure White Widow. The Empty jar will be removed and the White Widow Jar will appear in your inventory.

It will take any weed strain 24 hours to fully cure. Once it is cured you will be allowed to Collect the Cured Weed. So long as you have a baggy inside your inventory. Once collected you will receive a Weed Baggy. In this case we received a White Widow Baggy.

[Producing Molly/MDMA]

Everything you need to produce MDMA will be Painkillers, Hydrogen Peroxide, and either three Baggies or empty Pill Bottles.

After obtaining the necessary ingredients you will need to ensure that you have a Logic Skill level of 3. In which the option to produce Molly should appear on the Chemistry Table.

Upon selecting the Process Molly option your sim will go ahead and produce either 3 MDMA Baggies or 3 MDMA Pill Bottles.

[Producing Heroin]

The ingredients to produce Heroin will be 15 Opium and 5 Baggies.

After obtaining the necessary ingredients you will need to ensure that your sim has a Logic Skill level of 4. In Which the option to produce Heroin should appear on the Chemistry Table.

Upon Selecting Process Heroin option your sim will go ahead and utilize the Chemistry Table to produce 5 Heroin Baggies.

[Producing Meth Package]

The ingredients to produce a Meth Package will be Sodium Benzoate, Hydrochloric Acid, Hydrogen Peroxide, Toluene, and a Empty Meth Tray.

After obtaining the necessary ingredients you will need to ensure that you have a Logic Skill level of 5. In which the option to produce a Meth Tray should appear on the Chemistry Table.

Upon Selecting Process Meth Tray option, your sim will go ahead and utilize the Chemistry Table to produce a Meth Tray.

After producing the Meth Tray you will need to aquire a Empty Meth Bin. While the Meth Tray is in your inventory, select the empty Meth Bin and choose Pour Meth Tray

After pouring your Meth tray into the Empty Meth Bin, you will receive a Meth Bin. It will take up to two days for the Meth Package to be ready.

Once it is ready you will receive a Meth Package. The Meth package can be cut into 20 Meth Baggies to sell on the street or be kept as a package to be used to smuggle(Smuggling in the works).

[Producing Cocaine Brick]

The ingredients to produce a Cocaine Brick will be 11 Coca Leafs, Baking Soda, Powdered Milk, and a Empty Bowl.

After obtaining the necessary ingredients you will need to ensure that you have a Logic Skill level of 6. In which the option to process Coke Powder should appear on the Chemistry Table.

Upon Selecting Process Cocaine Powder option, your sim will go ahead and utilize the Chemistry Table to produce a Coke Bowl.

After producing the Coke Bowl you will need to aquire a Empty Cocaine Brick Press Container. While the Coke Bowl is in your inventory, select the Empty Cocaine Brick press Container and choose Pour Coke Powder.

After pouring the Coke Powder into the Empty Cocaine Brick Press Container, you will receive a Cocaine Brick press Container with Cocaine in it. It will take up to two days for the Cocaine Brick to be ready.

Once it is ready you will be able to collect. The Cocaine Brick can be cut into 20 Cocaine Baggies to sell on the street or be kept as a Brick to be used to smuggle(Smuggling in the works).

[thetragicallynerdy]

Hellooooooo here are some asks:

25) do you collect anything?

35) what would your warning label say if you had one?

89) if you could keep any animal as a pet, what would you choose?

hope your day is fabulous and the moon looks beautiful tonight!!!

Aww hello, thanks buddy!!!! I haven't been outside but I am so sure the moon is lovely, she always is!!

25) do you collect anything?

Yes!! I collect a few things. Old pocket watches (I have 6!), a very specific line of dog mugs created in the 90's that have to be found at thrift/second hand stores (I have 5!) and I don't really actively collect them anymore, but I still have a collection of Breyer horses from when I was a kid (yeah, I was a horse kid, I still display them, it's great XD)

Oh also houseplants. I have. So fucking many. (Like around 65 last I counted, all in my living room, I grow succulents, it is a Problem)

35) what would your warning label say if you had one?

This made me laugh a lot lmao! Probably something about being opinionated as hell, or having a temper.

Or more like a "Warning: requires regular rest periods and re-starts to prevent exhaustion and terrible brain injury symptoms." Y'know, like those warning labels that come on machine you have to stop every now and then so they don't overheat?

89) if you could keep any animal as a pet, what would you choose?

A hypo-allergenic cat or dog honestly haha! I also love the idea of a rabbit, but have no space for one. (And, again, allergies.) When I was a kid I really wanted a pet skunk or a pet raccoon, but, y'know, now I have very strong opinions about keeping wild animals as pets.

If we're talking "this is wildly unrealistic" - a bear :3

Thanks so much for the ask friend!!!! I think it is probably past your timezone but hope you have a lovely day when you see this <3

100 things ask game here for the curious!

[tractorbeamofwoe]

All That Glitters (Is Not Gold)

The Rise and Fall of The Zeros

🪩🎸Chapter 1💿💋

Here I sit in a rehearsal room above Café Indigo with five young talents in front of me; Emma, Cole, Danny, Lexi and Kyle, who go by the collective name of Bastard Tendencies. Singer Tommy did not wish to participate in this interview. The time is 9:58am, an early start for all of us which is clear by the coffee cups and energy drink cans resting at our feet. We briefly exchange a few words, mainly expressing our disappointment in the weather as the girls mourn the loss of their skilfully styled hair to the rain. Tomorrow night they play a gig at The Skunk and Badger pub, where audiences can expect what they describe as ‘Nirvana with synths’. When asked what their individual musical influences are, here’s what they had to say:

Emma (guitar and backing vocals): ‘The one thing we all have in common is we all like at least one guitar band that we draw influences from. There are some outliers of course, for example Kyle really likes electronic music like The Prodigy and Basement Jaxx.’

Lexi (keys/synths): ‘We kind of owe our synthy sound to Kyle’s love of Tame Impala and Gorillaz actually. My music taste crosses over more with Cole’s I think, because he’s really into 00’s indie sleaze and I really love The Strokes. That’s something we really bond over.’

Cole (guitar): ‘Well my dad was really into Jimi Hendrix and he kind of forced me to learn guitar so I could be the kind of reincarnation of Hendrix but…I mean yeah I like Bloc Party, The Libertines, some early Arctic Monkeys stuff is quite good. But then I also like more classic stuff like Queen and [David] Bowie. That’s where my more eccentric side comes from.’

Kyle chuckles from the other end of the sofa, reciting a story from childhood. He and Cole are twin brothers, yet their personalities seem to be polar opposites. Kyle is more introverted and withdrawn, a man of very few words, while Cole is eager and outgoing. I do my best to steer the conversation back to the question.

Emma: ‘I really love the 90s. Women who fucking rock. I don’t think Tommy was too thrilled when we first met and I told him I’m an avid lover of Hole and Courtney Love. I think my influences are kind of a spectrum though. Right in the middle is Elastica. I always thought Justine was so cool. Then on the other end is Stevie Nicks. I adore her. Not quite the 90s but…what can I say? She’s timeless. I’d like to meet her someday.’

Danny (drums): ‘I love punk. Live for it, even. Always thought it was so cool. I was really in the skating scene growing up so the older kids put me on to their music and I never looked back since. I got my first drum kit at 14 after begging my parents but never really envisioned myself in a band as it was more of a side hobby. Skating came first for me always. Then I met Tommy at a PDA concert [he is referring to fellow local punk band Public Displays of Aggression] and he told me about his dream of starting a band while we smoked together. He played me some grungey stuff he was working on and I was sold.’

What songs can we expect on the setlist tomorrow night?

Danny: ‘Tommy might shoot us if we say too much but we’re playing the usuals like As Seen on TV, Fences, Sub-Zero, The Long Run, Guest List. We’re playing a new one too, one that Tommy is very passionate about so that’s bound to go off.’

Are there any plans to officially release these songs in the near future? Or are you focusing on perfecting your craft first?

Kyle (bassist): ‘We just want to play live as much as possible. We’d take the atmosphere of playing on a stage to an audience any day over being in a studio, even if the audience is shit and unresponsive. A studio feels too much like work, whereas being on stage feels almost freeing. For me, at least.’

The others nod in agreement, some providing thoughtful hums of acknowledgement.

Emma: ‘We also don’t have management, and we’re unsigned. So getting into a studio when we already have so little budget is quite difficult at the moment.’

What about an album? I ask, though I quickly learn it is a futile question to ask as they all either shake their heads or shrug. Why is that?

Danny: ‘Just don’t have enough songs yet.’

The drummer smirks, pulling at the threads of his ripped jeans. The band in general seem to be very relaxed, whether that’s due to tiredness and boredom or just feeling comfortable being interviewed, I’m unsure. What I am sure of though, is the coolness radiating off of Danny; a nonchalantness that is charming to anyone meeting the band for the first time.

Lexi: ‘It just feels really far out of our reach at the moment. If our time in the band could be viewed in the form of a loading bar, we’re still at the very beginning. An album wouldn’t even come until maybe a third of the way along that bar. That’s not to say an album isn’t on the table, or it isn’t an obtainable goal, we just feel it’s not a priority right now.’

Do you think you’ll always stick to the sound you have now? Or can you see your tastes changing and the music you make evolving along with that?

Cole: ‘I think the music we make now is the right balance and blend of everything we all like. It also accommodates for the fact that there’s six of us. I mean, if we moved away from the synthy aspects and were just guitar based what would Lexi do? If we made pop music that needed a more melodic vocal, what would Tommy do? You know?’

Emma: ‘Bottom line is we’re stubborn. I don’t think we’re going to be easily swayed by anyone, it would take a LOT of convincing. We just want to make what we like, we’re not fussed about whether audiences like it or not. I’m sure as hell most of the pubs we’ve played didn’t like us but we don’t let that get to us. A gig is a gig at the end of the day no matter who is in the room.’

“They should be grateful they got to see Bastard Tendencies in their prime, before they sold their souls to the top 40 and turned pop” I joke, which is swiftly followed by laughter echoing around the whole room. An unhooked snare drum rattles in the corner.

Emma: ‘Speaking of genre shifts though, I always thought we could do a really cool, sinister Fleetwood Mac cover.’

In a live lounge sort of setting?

Emma: ‘Maybe…one day.’

Well you’re playing The Skunk and Badger tomorrow, what’s next for Bastard Tendencies after that? What are your dream venues?

Danny: ‘Manchester punk festival for me. But I think we’ve got a few more small town pub crawls left in us before we get to the real world.’

Emma: ‘I’d love to tour America. Specifically The Rave in Milwaukee. It’s haunted apparently and every artist that plays there writes their name in the abandoned swimming pool in the basement. I want our names there forever.’

Lexi: ‘Festivals in Europe, in the sun. So much free alcohol.’

Emma: ‘You can get away with having your top off too’

Cole: ‘Buckingham Palace for me I think.’

Kyle: ‘SNL.’

Danny: ‘Actually The Skunk and Badger is my dream venue. Ever since five minutes ago. It doesn’t get better than this. We’ve peaked now and we should just retire. It’s gonna be a special one, I’ve got all my friends and family coming out including my long lost Uncle Fred who I haven’t seen in 25 years, which is monumental because I’m only 21!’

They struggle to contain their laughter as their answers grow more and more absurd. It is clear they’ve now woken up and are itching to get rehearsing, and who am I to keep them confined to the sofa? There are whispers that Tommy will be arriving soon, still stoned from the party he attended the night before. This seems to be a common occurrence, according to Danny. ‘Thank you Mina’ they all chime one after the other, as I get up from my seat and wish them luck for their upcoming gig.

You can catch Bastard Tendencies at the Skunk and Badger from 7pm tomorrow (7th of June), followed by Over 40’s Bingo at 8pm and DJ Carlos ending the night from 9pm-1am.

Written by Mina Griffith

***

𝔈𝔪𝔪𝔞

Another dingey pub gig, crammed onto a slab of wood that could barely fit the six of us on that we were supposed to believe was a stage. Lexi ended up sitting at a table off to the side amongst the patrons because we couldn’t get her keyboard onstage. We assigned her to be our photographer for the night instead, just to keep her occupied. I spent most of that gig pulling faces and showing off for the camera, so even if we sounded shit at least we looked good. The place was fairly busy, people there not necessarily to see us but as we started playing we racked up an audience. The room seemed to have a distinct smell, one of damp old carpet and chip grease that swirled around us for the duration of our time there.

Danny, ever the flirt, kept blowing kisses and winking at various girls in the crowd (all of whom he had personally invited in an attempt to win them over), while Tommy threw angry glances in his direction. Due to the venue’s lack of facilities, we had no one to monitor our sound for us, which resulted in Tommy being drowned out for the most part by Danny’s enthusiastic drumming. If the footage still existed, there'd be a video of me reassuringly patting Tommy on the shoulder, and him coldly swatting my hand away.

Tommy didn't like being touched, or showing much emotion really. He likes to be in control. He has a vision of how he wants to be perceived, and he makes sure we never forget it. The vision in question? The second-coming of Kurt Cobain. Except he can't grow a beard, and refuses to grow his hair out. Despite his closed off personality and nonchalantness, I'd like to think we're friends, that maybe if it came to life or death he would in fact save us. He'd never admit it though. Just like he'd never admit that he secretly really likes Radiohead.

The set seemed to drag on. We didn't have that many songs and so we filled time with ridiculously extended instrumentals and solos. There were two drunk men, much older than any of us, sat at the back of the bar who would whistle and cat call me in between songs. It didn't really bother me, but I could tell it was bothering the boys.

Just before our last song Tommy finally spoke out. "If you wanna keep harassing my guitarist you can meet me round the back after our set and I'll fuck you up," He grumbled into the mic, an expression of disapproval concealed under his blonde mop. "this is our last song and it's called Violet."

Tommy and Cole strummed out the chords while I played the lead lines, shaking my hips to the beat and flicking my hair around. I flashed Danny a smile over my shoulder, unaware of what was unfolding in the crowd. We actually started to work up a sweat despite the drought floating in from the front door.

Underneath our joyful exteriors though, we were secretly under immense pressure to get the song perfect. This was a new song Tommy had written about his ex girlfriend that he was very insistent on us not messing up. It was rare a song meant this much to him, but we could all hear it in his voice as he groaned the lyrics almost painfully down the microphone. He poured all his anguish and bitterness into this song, which we had to admit provided a nice contrast on the setlist to our other more groove driven songs. He finished the set by kicking over the mic stand and storming outside for a cigarette, a detail not missed by Lexi and her camera.

Once we’d packed all our gear down, we retired to the sticky mahogany counter of the bar for post show drinks. For several minutes we chatted amongst ourselves, thinking we’d already been forgotten about by the patrons, until I felt a figure lean over my shoulder and breathe on my neck as they inserted themself into our conversation.

“That singer of yours has quite the attitude.” A male voice comments. I could hear his smirk and thought at first he was being hostile, until he chuckled and gave me back my personal space. I span on my barstool to look at him. The first thing I noticed was his Nirvana tshirt. Then it was his ripped jeans, then finally his face. He was definitely older than us, at least by a decade, his blonde hair tousled under a pair of Ray bans perched on his head. He spoke again.

“Whoever’s in charge of you lot ought to smack some sense into him. You’ll never win a crowd over by acting like that.” He raises a bottle of Corona to his lips.

“Don’t let Tommy hear you say that, he’ll have you.” Danny chimes in from behind me now, also drinking beer from a glass of his own. The stranger raised an eyebrow.

“Oh he’ll have me will he? I thought his threats were only reserved for the two creeps that were harassing you.”

I shake my head “He’ll go for anyone, really.”

“Interesting. Sorry about those guys by the way, we went and had a word with them. You won’t have to see them at any of your shows again.”

By ‘we’ he was referring to himself and his friend, a taller dark haired man sat behind him. My eyes widen in surprise. It felt rare to come across selfless strangers like this.

“Oh wow, that really wasn’t necessary, but thank you,” I offered my hand to shake his. Without hesitation his cold hand gripped mine, damp with the condensation of his bottle. “Did you enjoy the show?”

“We did. We always come here to check out what local bands are on. Scouting out emerging talent and stuff. Seeing what’s on offer.”

My ears pricked. He had my full attention now. “Wait, scouting? Scouting for what?”

“Oh I manage bands.” The stranger grins. I felt like I’d hit the jackpot.

“Well that’s funny because we happen to be looking for management right now.” I prop my cheek up with my fist, elbow resting on the bar to my right. The man’s demeanour seems to change as he turns around to exchange a knowing look with his friend.

“Who are the other contenders?” He asks, an almost wild look flashing in his eyes as if the thought of competition excited him.

I laugh nervously before admitting “No one actually. You’re first in line.”

“Oh really? Well I’m surprised at that,” He chuckles again “You guys are good, you’ve got lots of potential. You’d fit right in with the other bands I manage, they’re all rebellious youngsters just like you. I can have you booked in for so many gigs, just say the word.”

“Believe me, he works fast.” The other man spoke up. My eyes fall on the moustache above his lip, before skimming over his tattoos. I only tear my gaze away when I notice a deep scar on his left arm, however he didn’t seem bothered.

We hesitate for a moment as we consider their offer.

“I’m in if you are” Danny says lowly, looking at me with an uncharacteristic seriousness.

“I don’t know, I think we should wait for the others and ask them.” I whisper. It seemed like the rational thing to do, to not immediately jump on an opportunity without knowing enough about it, but with the way we were scraping the bottom of the money jar we couldn’t exactly afford to wait around a whole lot longer.

“Can we at least buy you guys some drinks?” The blonde suggests, already pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. I didn’t mean to stare, but I couldn’t help but notice how full it was. Where the hell did he get all this money? He said he’d bring us success and now I believed him.

I brought this detail up to Danny as we played a game of pool, the two men, who we now knew as Joe and Phil, dividing their attention between our game and the conversation they were having with Kyle, Cole and Lexi. We were all a few drinks deep by now too.

“Did you see his wallet? The guy’s loaded!” I said a little too loudly across the pool table to Danny as he lined up his shot, shaking his head to move jet black hair out of his eyes.

“I thought you wanted to wait before making any decisions?” He shoots, the white ball ricocheting off of the side and colliding with a trio of red balls.

“I did but…now I’m sold. I think we should do this.”

Just then, Tommy came back inside, pausing for a moment to take in where each of his bandmates were. He quirked up an eyebrow and moved to approach the two men he didn’t recognise. The frontman cleared his throat, catching the attention of our new acquaintances.

“Ah, there he is! The star of the show!” Joe chuckles.

“And you are?” Tommy eyes them suspiciously

“I’m Joe. This here is my friend and colleague Phil.” Joe holds his hand out to shake Tommy’s but is brushed off by the younger man.

“Right…you’re fans of ours I presume?”

I sigh and place my pool cue down, joining the conversation before things escalate further.

“Not fans, Tommy. They manage bands. They’ve offered to manage us.” I explain gently.

Tommy is silent for a moment, glaring at us from under his fringe before grunting a simple “Cool.”

That was all that needed to be said. We all shook hands and the deal was done. I noticed Joe’s smile out of the corner of my eye, almost predatory while Phil hid his smirk behind the rim of his whiskey glass.

I glance over at Lexi who shoots me a reassuring smile, beckoning me over to look at the photos on her camera.

“Check these out, I made you guys look so cool.” She tilts the screen towards me and I click through the gallery, a smile slowly creeping onto my face.

“Holy shit Lex, these are fucking awesome!” I exclaim. “You should definitely show those to Mina, she’d love to see them.”

Mina is Danny’s younger sister and our self professed biggest fan. Her biggest dream is to be a journalist so we always let her interview us for her college assignments. I think that’s a great thing about having a family member write an article about you, because you can be certain they won’t mischaracterise you. We trust Mina to portray us honestly as we are and in return she always gets the gossip first. Gosh she’ll be ecstatic to hear how tonight went.

We chatted and played pool for a little while longer, sniggering to ourselves during the bingo. Joe and Phil had disappeared outside somewhere, something about needing to take a call. Eventually Cole came and tapped me on the shoulder, letting us know it was time to leave.

“Yeah sure, just let me go grab my jacket.” I reply, finishing my last drink and heading towards the cloakroom. As I pulled my leather jacket around me I caught Joe’s eye outside. We held each others’ gazes for a moment until he hung up the call and beckoned me to him.

“Are you all leaving already?” He asks as I lean in the doorway, though his disappointment sounded almost ingenuine.

“Afraid so.” I cross my arms.

“You can’t leave yet,” He chuckles “I haven’t even given you my number,”

Joe waves his finger, gesturing for me to turn around. I turned my back to him, confused about what he wanted. Then I felt him hold something up against my back; a piece of paper. I felt every shape he drew with the pen as he scrawled out the set of digits that made up his phone number, before stepping back and handing it to me all neatly folded.

“I want everyone to meet here tomorrow morning so we can properly discuss future plans in more detail. Sound good?”

I nod silently, shoving the square into my pocket.

“I can’t wait to see you again.” Joe leans in to speak lowly in my ear before flashing me a toothy smile. His hand came forward to pat my shoulder in a friendly gesture but his touch seemed to linger just a little too long. I just couldn’t open my mouth quick enough to say anything before he disappeared inside again, and my bandmates were calling me away.

[lucygraysboy]

“oh, so i’m the most rotten child when our daughter literally smells like a rotten skunk’s butt? visceral. this title should be handed over to her,” he teases, putting a silly twist on her words. eyes squinting as she pinches his cheek, it stings a bit so he quickly grabs her small hand and peels it off his face, planting a soft kiss on her knuckles before letting it go. “our own covey. we’ll make sure they always have full bellies and a roof over their heads and the happiest childhood possible.” unlike the two of them, their children, even if they’re only dolls and it’s all play pretend, will not suffer the same fate. “a mystery song about my mystery eyes. well, now i’m lookin’ forward to hearin’ it.” he shakes his head, deciding she must be joking — there’s no way that a song could be written about him out of all people. “mmm, pretty in shape and color? i’m startin’ to think you’re fallin’ in love with me and my beautiful eyes, lucy gray. i don’t blame you. irish people are known for their charm.” laughing as it seems to be the only way to process his feelings other than melting into a puddle. “jokes aside, i really do think songs should be written about your eyes, not mine.” whoever thinks that brown eyes are boring has clearly never been in love with someone who’s got brown eyes, never seen them in warm sunlight, never seen them at all… “they make me think of hot chocolate, the kind my ma used to make on christmas mornin’, or rich honey on gingerbread.” what he doesn’t say is how he can barely look into these eyes without blushing, how he wouldn’t be able to say no to these eyes, how he’d die if he ever saw tears in these eyes. 

“oh, bear tales, hm? that what we callin’ them now? weren’t you the one sayin’ stuff like when a husband and his wife love each other…” he trails off with a laugh, grateful for the distraction. otherwise, he’d keep talking and talking about her eyes, and who knows what else he might have said? “well, my own wife and the mother of my children clearly didn’t think to teach me how to speak her language.” a melodramatic pout gracing his features, hand letting go of hers reluctantly as he lowers his head, avoiding her gaze so he doesn’t start laughing and gives himself away. “must be ‘cause i’m just a big, dumb dinosaur to you. big, dumb dino.” a heavy sigh falls from his lips, wondering what kind of reaction his dramatic performance will coax out of the brunette. “now this sounds less rude. what does tweet tweet tweet mean? teach me your language, wife o’ mine.” he can’t help but cheer up when she makes herself sound so sweet, handsome features lighting up. 

suddenly, billy’s breath hitches and a hot, tingling wave runs across the surface of his skin, originating from the spot right below his belly button where her small hand’s plastered to his abdomen and ending in his chest, his heart beating so hard and fast that he’s sure it’s about to jump right out. just seeing the stark contrast between her olive flesh and his pale one does something to him, but feeling her feather-light touch… god. he flushes all over, awkwardly tugging his shirt down to spare himself embarrassment. “umm…” now he needs another moment to collect his thoughts, smiling goofily at the beautiful girl, his heart still racing. “yeah, that and i finally learned how to run,” he laughs, shaking his head because it really is a wonder how some babies lose all their fat by the time they grow out of diapers. “so, see? our babies aren’t all that big.” smiling sweetly as she praises him for loving on their son, his blush only deepens and he looks down at daisy. he needs something to occupy himself with and so he picks up the other bottle and pretends to feed her. “there, there… that’s it. dinner’s served.” 

“don’t play innocent, mama’s most rotten child.” she gently pinches his cheek on where his sunburn hasn’t touched his skin the most, giving it a playful wiggle. “mhm, me neither. us and our own covey.” sweet smile dazzling her olive features, her heart feeling a special tenderness at that sentiment. “of course a song about your eyes,” she peps, “it’s always the best way to describe whatever the heart is tryin’ to say.” she writes and sings when she has something to say, or how to express something that's special to her. which would be the latter describing what she sees in his eyes, that would be an entire story on how she sees goodness in his heart behind his eyes. “it’ll be a mystery.” she playfully retorts to him saying it’ll be a romancing type of song. “they’re a pretty shape and color, too. unique.” blue? pale gray blue? the clearest blue and clearest green mixed together? that was a mystery too, it was hard to define his eye color to one color when she’s already been staring at him all day and noticed he has blue eyes to something even clearer than just blue in different lightings. billy taupe's was just a murky green and what truly made nothing stand out in them, was his awful heart.

“the sunset…that’s sweet, darlin’. thank you.” an adoring smile graces her lips, fawn like eyes lighting up like every star was hung in them at how sweet that is. “i don’t remember that, you’re just tellin’ bear tales on me.” playfully, she grinned. “you sure are smart, cause that’s exactly how it happens.” another warm laugh sounds from her, especially at the if he waters a cabbage everyday part. “how’s that? i wasn’t sayin’ nothin’ bad— but chirp chirp chirp does mean many things, you have to know bird language to understand it. hm, so what's this... the great billy knows english and spanish but he knows nothin’ about us bird’s and our language?” brows lift, teasing him as she’s holding onto his hand, afraid if she lets go he’s going to attack her again. "no, no no no. none of that, i've not recovered yet." grip tightens on his hand, flinching without him even moving. then she's watching him make rawr sounds and another bubble of amusement bubbles over and makes her cheeks hurt, "tweet tweet tweet." making her voice sound smaller so it sounds equally sweet as those to those little birds who tweet and chirp in trees all day, lucy gray sits up straighter. doe eyes fall on his belly he's showing her and immediately, she reaches out with her other hand to let her fingers dance against his abdomen. body of a greek god...she laughs, not because it's not true. but just because it's funny that's what he comes up with. he's lean and perfectly handsome, she agrees. but that's why she won't look at it for long, she'll start realizing she's never witnessed things like a male abdomen so closely and start blushing again.

"where'd all the piggyness go? cause that's hard to believe. maybe it just stretched an' stretched and that's how you got long limbs." she softly laughs, then wonders how she's admiring his reaction to putting dolls in face so much when she expected him to get annoyed. that just made him appear even cuter than he already is to her. she's going to do the same to billy taupe next time she has to see him, then compare the differences because she's certain he'll have a different reaction. "papa is so sweet to his babies." voice coos, small hand patting his cheek then she places her doll back down in her arm and lap.

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 582, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby, child intoxication, death of a minor character

WORDS: 1138

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS:

I am so terribly sorry about dropping off from the face of the world- I attended a con on 2/10 and 2/11 and get caught the con plague late that Sunday night. Never fear- I am doing MUCH better now.

“Hi, we’re here to see Cara?” I asked the store employee, who then ushered us into an office located just down a hallway with an EMPLOEES ONLY sign tacked onto the main area. “Okay Elizabeth, are you ready now?”

“I guess I am!” she smiled with her lips shut. The rest of the week had passed by smoothly, with her quickly growing used to her braces. I had discovered that she had opted for silver bands over her butterfly shaped brackets and that she was rather religious with brushing and flossing her teeth after every meal and snack.

I could only smile at her as Cara welcomed us all into her office. I had called ahead and asked if it would be alright if my husband and I had all the kids with us, or if she wanted it to be just Elizabeth and her parents. The kids had all decided to bring their little dollie friends with them for a show and tell with American Girl- Elle, Jing and the babies’ dollies.

“All the dollies will take over the world!” Cara teased us as we all made ourselves comfortable- Peter squeezed himself into a too small chair, the still tiny triplets situated in his lap. Baby Tommy, Baby Eve and Baby Noah were seated at their daddy’s feet, Elizabeth and Elle, Katie and Jing and myself were in chairs stationed around Cara’s neat desk.

Twenty minutes later, and everyone was comfy with each other- with Baby Tommy proudly showing Cara his little dollie friend and babbling happily. Cara was sweet to the babies, paying each of them a certain type of attention that told me she was a mother.

“By the way, I love your braces! You look completely adorable with them!”

“Even though I have Alopecia?” Elizabeth looked a bit suspicious at the woman’s statement.

“Even though you have Alopecia. The Alopecia just makes it all the more cuter!”

“Yeah, I haven’t been able to located American Girl braces anywhere for a reasonable price!” I said, making a face at Baby Eve as she toddled over towards me on wobbly legs. “The cheapest I found was up on Ebay for three hundred dollars for a sheet of twelve.”

“Oh lord.” Cara looked horrified as she wrote something down onto a giant legal pad of paper, which were the notes that she was doing for the American Girl 2028 Girl of the Year© doll. Elizabeth had pitched the idea of the doll company making a best friend doll, much like Marie Grace Gardner and Cécile Ray the historical best friends or Nicki and Isabel Hoffman the historical twins. Cara had looked excited at this, and had said that American Girl had been looking to introduce a character with Down’s Syndrome, having added the mold almost three years earlier.

She had also said that American Girl would probably like to have Elle and Jing be in the collections as well, to the girl’s utter delight. When the girls were asked about pets, Elizabeth proudly showed off some pictures that she’d taken of the Ratajczyk critters- Daisy, Mittens, Primrose, Felix and Jack Sparrow.

“Wow, a pet skunk? I don’t think American Girl ever had a doll who had a pet skunk!”

“American Girl also never had a doll with Alopecia or Down’s Syndrome,” Elizabeth shrugged, reaching down to tug Baby Eve up onto her lap, where the delightfully chubby sixteen month old baby tucked herself into her big sister’s chest with a quiet babble, stuffing her rag dollie in for a huggie.

“American Girl also never had a doll with a pet skunklet!” Katie chimed in. “Can our dollies have musical instruments? Please?”

“I play the harp and Celtic harp and Katie plays the piano and kantele,” Elizabeth explained. “Mommy found my mommy’s high school harp, and it’s kept in my bedroom. Katie plays the piano downstairs in the sunroom. Daddy got Katie her kantele and me my Celtic harp from faire.”

“Renaissance faires haven’t been mentioned anywhere in the American Girl lore,” Katie butted in, lifting Baby Noah up onto her lap and wrapping her arm snuggly around his waist and pinning him snug to her.

“I didn’t know that Mary Claire played the harp!”

“Oh no- not me, Elizabeth’s biological mother!” I explained with a laugh.

“Oh, that’s so sweet!” Cara sighed, looking up from scribbling on her legal pad of endless notes. “And Mary Claire, you’re fine with Elizabeth calling someone else her mommy?”

“I think what you’re trying to ask me is if it’s normal for a child to have someone else in their life who they can call family even though not being of the same blood,” I said.

“Mommy is my mommy even though she didn’t give birth to me,” Elizabeth chimed in with. “She treats Katie and I like we are her children, and we do the same to her.”

“Like I sometimes forget that she’s not my mommy-mommy and that daddy isn’t my daddy-daddy!” Katie interjected. “Does that make any sense at all?”

“No, not really.”

Here, Cara shuffled some papers into order before clearing her throat a few times.

“Tell me more about faire- like what’s you favorite part about it?”

Elizabeth and Katie both exchanged identical looks and I turned to Cara.

“You have no idea what you just started,” I droned, sitting back as both girls began to bubble over with glee as they spilled over with little tidbits and tales of their past faires.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

[todaysbird]

Story Time!

The first summer of the pandemic, I was living in a basement suite of this house that had a massive back yard. Because I'm disabled and immunocompromised, I could not go anywhere or do anything. So I spent that entire summer in the backyard - and so began my love affair with the birds and the bees!

This backyard has SO MANY different aminals: pileated woodpeckers, downy woodpeckers, northern flicker woodpeckers (not pictured), a family of crows, over a dozen magpies, squirrels, bunnies, a skunk, finches (not pictured but we got to watch so many fledglings grow!), and a hawk.

The crows lived in the bigger of the two spruce trees, and I got to watch the three juveniles grow up from lil pink mouthed babies to big boys! They were always curious and playful, they loved to play with the shingles on the garage.

I put out cat food and things for the magpies during the whole summer, making the same sound around the same time each day - and by the end of the summer, I could collect 14ish magpies in the yard!

The pileated woodpeckers were a treat and were on that stump not six feet away from me! I have a video of it.

The hawk visited every once in awhile, but didn't stay long because it got chased away by the crows haha.

:,,,,( they’re all so pretty! Those pileateds are gorgeous!

[katzell]

Best Cillian Murphy Films

After watching all of Cillian Murphy’s filmography* I can share with you my personal top 7 list of movies. There is no wrong way to love Cillian Murphy so someone else could make a list with 7 completely different titles and it would still be an excellent list. But sharing is caring, so I’m counting them down!

7: The Broken (2012) Lovely, sad, funny. Cillian is charming and pathetic in this movie which is the right kind of balance. Also he plays a teacher with a nice collection of sweaters. Of course our heroine Skunk has a crush on him. Everyone should. But Skunk really sells this with a performance so natural she steals your heart. You don't even mind she might grow up to be Lily James

6: Perrier's Bounty (2009) What a fun scuzzy crime drama. This might be Cillian’s best non-Peaky Blinders look. Jim Broadbent steals the movie. The cast is absolutely stacked. Includes not one, but two Gleesons. 

5: Free Fire (2016) 70 minutes of people trying to murder each other. Surprisingly funny. I’m here for the weird flirtation with Brie Larsen. Another cast that is clearly having the best time ever. I even love Cillian’s 70s mustache. 

4: Sunburn (1999) Cillian is such a self destructive loser in this. I loved it. Just a really fun movie about some young people from Ireland who do work experience on Long Island. Contains our first notice that Cillian looks better in a dress than most of us ever will. 

3: Red Eye (2005) Hyper competent Cillian Murphy has arrived. Unfortunately for Rachel McAdams, so has sociopathic Cillian Murphy. Excellent thriller. Seductive and menacing. Definitely his best outright villain role. Bonus points for Rachel McAdams using a field hockey stick as a weapon. 

2: 28 Days Later... (2002) The film that showed the world what Cillian can do. Danny Boyle and I have the same taste in hotties. A perfect film and demonstrates the range Cillian will bring to so many projects as his career moves along. He thrives as the ambiguous figure who you want to believe in. Also he’s just drenched in blood. 

1: Anthropoid (2016) Possibly a twist at the end here but I stand by this number 1. This film absolutely ruined me. Cillian gets to do literally all the things he does best. And to throw me a repressed grown up romance on top! I'm broken. If I am going to watch one period war movie where Cillian is definitely getting killed before the end, I pick this one every day. 

*Excluded from eligibility were shorts, unreleased movies, series, and uncredited roles in Tron films. 

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I know some people smoke weed irresponsibly and inside their houses, rooms, and car without a care of what they taint with the stink of weed, but what I was talking about in the post I made is that people just assume that. Everyone assumes that if you smoke weed it’s your entire personality and that you hotbox everything when there are a lot of people like me who only smoke once a day if that and they go outside because people are sensitive to smoke and it just stinks in general. I hate this concept of person smokes weed = pothead. I don’t assume everyone who drinks is an alcoholic even though I’ve known multiple alcoholics and I personally don’t care to drink. Also I know that pretty much everything you consume filters out of your body. If you eat a lot of garlic then you’ll smell like it later because it’s in your sweat, but again just because you smoke weed once in a while it doesn’t mean that you reek of it all the time. If you smoke all day every day yeah you stink, and if you smoke multiple times a day even outside it’ll probably stay on your clothes, but not everyone who smokes weed stinks like a skunk.

And I will also say that I’m not delusional, when I was a young teen I spent a lot of time smoking weed and cigarettes and my parents are both very sensitive to the smell of smoke in general because my grandparents were heavy smokers, but never once did they catch me or ask why I smelled like weed or smoke and they didn’t know until years later when I told them about it (to which they were quite shocked) it’s not as obvious as you think it is. Also I really, really hate being called “bestie” it’s really fucking condescending and I literally don’t know you and a “bestie” is someone that you know and care about, so don’t throw your patronizing ass shit my way.

I don’t intend to sell any of my dolls, but I’d think it ridiculous as I don’t ever smoke inside my house or touch my dolls after I’ve smoked to declare to someone that I smoke weed because why is that your business? I also have 3 cats, none of which have been allowed in my room for years, but they have been in there before. My room is carpeted should I also declare that I had a dog that died when I was sixteen because she spent a lot of time in my room when I was growing up and peed on the carpet once or twice (which was thoroughly cleaned), I’ve also lit incense in my room, used perfume and deodorant, lit candles of various scents and i used to use a aroma diffuser quite regularly before I started collecting dolls, but who knows the oils are still in my room. I sell things for a living and I always clean my hands and when I work or pack an order, but I do eat peanut butter inside my house sometimes, should I also be declaring that? Just in case there’s residue in the air or something? Look I have allergies too, but if you’re really worried about an allergy or a smell or something you should really be declaring that to a person and not expecting them to assume things about you. If you put weed inside your dolls or smoke in a closed room with them, declare it, sure, don’t make it unpleasant for someone or get them in trouble, but literally smoking weed does not automatically mean all your shit stinks

~Anonymous

[gothighunicorntolerance]

At last, my Big Bang fic!

When Roman and his friends go hiking, they expect to see some birds, some lizards, maybe a deer if they were lucky- not a hidden cave with a sleeping person inside, unable to be woken up by anyone. His friends decide to let the sleeping person stay put, but there’s some feeling Roman just can’t shake off. Red chapter one below, and the full fic on AO3, accompanied by amazing art by @littlebigmouse

taglist: @theimprobabledreamersworld @edupunkn00b @ts-storytime

AO3 link

art post

The tranquility of the forest was quickly interrupted by the banter of several people standing by a parked car, their faces illuminated by the pink-tinted full moon low on the horizon.

“Come at me, Mothman! I have a very juicy ass you would LOVE!”

“Remus, you IDIOT. Mothman lives in West Virginia!”

“Well what about the skunk ape, Virgil? Don't you want to see the Skunk Ape? SKUNK APE! SKUNK APE!” He chanted, his voice echoing in the parking lot.

“Remus, would you shut up?!” Roman shoved his brother. “We are actually going to try and find wildlife like deer and stuff, and that’s not going to happen if you keep shouting for cryptids to fuck you.”

The rest of the group sighed collectively at the antics of the twins, though Roman didn’t pay much attention to his friends’ groaning.

“Anyways,” Roman said louder than necessary. “Logan, you have the compass, right?”

“Of course. I also brought several yards of paracord, just in case. And also cereal bars, batteries, and water.”

“Thank you for being the responsible one,” Roman laughed. “Virgil, it’s your job to make sure that the entire state of Florida doesn’t find out that my brother is a monster fucker.”

Virgil groaned. “You know that’s going to be impossible.”

“Just punch him when you think he’s about to say something stupid.”

“Oh, like this?” Virgil smacked Remus in the arm.

“Ow!” Remus groaned.

“Well, I thought you were about to say something stupid.”

“Can we please just get on with our hiking-adventure-whatever you’re calling it?” Janus spoke up.

“Please.” Logan agreed.

“O-KAY! Into the woods!” Roman sang.

The five hikers walked down the small dirt path, the mud from last night’s storm splashing their ankles. The colors of the sunset were barely visible through the branches of the trees, which cast long shadows onto the ground and Roman still quietly humming all parts of the song by himself.

As Roman’s song ended, trailing off into the instrumental bits, Remus had finally shut up about various cryptids, and the only sounds were the squelching of mud sticking to their shoes and the occasional snap of a stick or crunch of a fallen leaf underfoot.

The May nights were cool and humid, so most days like this, Roman wore cheaper jeans and a hoodie that he was willing to throw away if it got too dirty or torn.

About half an hour into their adventure-hike, Logan silently passed around flashlights to everyone, which Roman gladly accepted. It had gotten dark quickly, to the point where Roman had been barely able to see his feet.

Suddenly, Virgil, who was in front, stopped.

“Deer,” he whispered, aiming his flashlight into the trees.

Roman followed the flashlight beam onto a huge buck, its pelt speckled with mud and antlers extending far beyond its ears.

“The inside spread is over twelve inches,” Logan whispered.

“That’s big, right?” Janus asked.

“Yes, it is. The largest recorded spread in the state of Florida was nineteen and a half inches.”

Roman knew that Remus was about to open his mouth and say something stupid, and apparently, so did Virgil, because Remus groaned again after he was hit in the shoulder, the rest of the group snickering.

The deer eventually ran away, and the group continued on until the dirt path ended.

“Hey, look at this!” Virgil waved the group over to where he was standing, shining his flashlight into a large opening in the side of a rockface.

Roman jogged over and looked into the cave- as far as the flashlight illuminated, he could see moss and other plants clinging to wet stone.

“I haven’t seen this before- I think I’d remember,” Janus commented.

“It must have been uncovered by erosion from the storm last night,” Logan added in.

“Let’s go in!” Roman and Remus said at the same time, grinning at each other. They might not agree on much, but when it came to deciding whether or not to explore a creepy-looking cave, the answer was always going to be yes.

“Don’t you think we should- never mind,” Virgil sighed as the twins started swinging their flashlights across the wet ground of the cave.

“Look at this!” Remus whisper-shouted to Roman, pointing out some kind of slime growing on a rock.

“That is disgusting, put it down or I’m not letting you in the car,” Roman said as Remus began to poke the slime.

Remus stuck his tongue out at his brother but reluctantly stopped poking the unfamiliar growth. Roman turned around to see that the rest of the group had followed them in.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Virgil asked worriedly. “I mean, this cave wasn’t here before, and we might be the first living things to step in here in maybe hundreds of years.”

“And this is how people find monster boyf- OW!” Virgil once again took it upon himself to hit Remus in the arm to stop him from talking about various cryptids in a non-child-friendly manner.

“Caves such as this one are particularly interesting because you never know what you might find- oh, look!” Logan pointed to another small opening at the back of the cave.

“I’m going to crawl through!” Roman declared after the group had spent a minute or so deciding what to do.

Roman got on his hands and knees and started to wedge himself through the opening, quite aware that he would likely have to put his clothes through more than one wash cycle to get the stains out. He bit down on the flashlight, illuminating what was in front of him, but only barely.

When there was finally room for Roman to stand, he turned and called through the opening, “I’m fine! You can come through, it’s safe!”

The second part of the cave was much wider than the first part, and Roman was able to stand without hunching over.

Swinging his flashlight across the ground, Roman suddenly gasped.

There was a man laying on the ground, hands folded across his chest, dressed in- were those robes?

“Guys…? You might want to see this…” Roman called out again, his voice shaking.

“Ro? Are you okay- HOLY SHIT!” Janus crawled through, his eyes wide with disbelief and perhaps a little fear.

Remus and Virgil came through next, Remus uncharacteristically silent, his mouth open in an ‘o.’

Logan was the last to crawl through, and he, like everyone else, stood silent, looking at the figure laying in the center of the cave, arms crossed over their chest and wings spread out- Roman rubbed his eyes. This couldn’t be real- he couldn’t have found some guy in a cave that hadn’t been touched in years!

Maybe they had gotten drunk or something and put on a very realistic-looking cosplay and then ran through the woods? Remus had done odder things, so it couldn’t be completely ruled out.

Janus slowly walked up to the figure, stepping over the silken blue robes and putting his hand on their neck, careful not to knock off the wire framed glasses.

“There’s a pulse, but it’s really faint.” Janus announced to the group. “They’re definitely not dead.” The hikers stepped closer to the sleeping person, forming a circle around them but careful to not touch the giant gray bird wings sprouting from their back. Roman noticed a strand of curly brown hair had fallen into their eyes, and resisted the urge to reach out and tuck the strand of hair behind their ear.

After a moment of silence, Roman spoke up. “Should we… try to wake them up? I mean, what else should we do?”

Roman was careful not to touch the sleeping person. Roman wouldn’t admit it, but he was afraid there would be some kind of horror movie scene- where as soon as he got close enough, they would sit up and try to murder him. Or something like that.

Logan crouched and tapped his phone, and the default alarm sound echoed through the cave. The person didn’t stir.

Virgil stepped up next, unscrewing the cap of his water bottle and pouring the contents onto their face. “Seriously? Nothing?” Virgil muttered.

“Let me try,” Janus said, grabbing the person’s shoulder and shaking them.

“Alright,” Remus said, stepping forward and rolling up his sleeve. He looked up at Roman, grinning, before bringing his arm down to the person’s face and slapping them on the cheek. Roman cringed at the echo it created, but there was still no reaction from them.

“How the fuck did that not work?” Remus stared at the still-sleeping person.

“Heavy sleeper?” Roman suggested.

“Coma?”

“Dead?”

“Are we about to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved?”

“Underlying medical condition?”

“Alright, it’s your turn, Prince Charming. Go do a true love’s kiss on the guy. You never know,” Remus laughed.

“No way! I’m not touching that guy with my finger, let alone my mouth!” Roman protested as Remus tried to drag him over.

Another beat of silence passed before Virgil spoke up. “I think we should leave. This dude’s probably not okay, and I don’t want to have to call the police or paramedics. I don’t want to get involved in anything, whether this guy is just stoned or in a coma or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Roman said after a minute of consideration. “You’re right. I don’t want to get involved. We should just- I dunno, leave the guy here? Maybe check later to see if they’re okay? I mean, they’re not dead.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, and soon crawled back out the way they came. Roman exited last, and couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder at the sleeping figure. A small part of him wanted to stay behind, try and wake them up.

But Roman ignored that feeling and left the cave with the rest of his group.

Once the group srood back on the path, all a little shaken or confused from what they had just seen, Roman said, “let’s all just go back home. If we want to, we’ll come back next week or whenever to make sure the guy’s either okay or gone, but for now just leave it alone.”

Roman said the last part for himself, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was missing something. He shook his head and followed Logan and Janus, who had already started walking back to the parking lot through the wet grass and still-sticky mud. Even in the dim light, Roman could tell the two of them were holding hands. Roman opened his mouth to tease the two of them but thought better of it. They had all just seen something pretty weird in that cave (Roman was still trying to decide what he really saw), and Logan and Janus hadn’t announced that they were together, probably for the exact reason that Roman would tease them.

Oh well, there would be plenty of moments for teasing later. For now, Roman just focused on dragging his feet along the muddy path back to the car, though he kept glancing over his shoulder. He told himself that it was to keep an eye on Remus and Virgil and make sure they were still behind him, but the nagging feeling that he had forgotten something still lingered.

[lunaralight09]

Could you do books that the scps might read?

Books that the SCPs might read

SCP 035 Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins Anna is shipped off to boarding school in Paris where she meets the super-charming Etienne, and that's when things get interesting. I was a squealing, giggly, mush-fest all the while through reading this book. Stephanie Perkins knows just how to turn a seemingly ordinary love story into an unputdownable read. SCP 040 Your Brain Needs a Hug: Life, Love, Mental Health, and Sandwiches Just the title of this book by Rae Earl makes us feel a little lighter. And we don’t know about you, but our brains could definitely use a hug right now. While the book is geared towards teens, we found Earl’s advice to be relevant for all ages — particularly for anyone who struggles with depression, anxiety, social media addiction, and self-esteem issues. TBH, pretty much anyone can benefit from this book! SCP 049 And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini And the Mountains Echoed is such an amazing and heartwarming read. It's about a pair of siblings that fate cruelly separates and then finally reunites. A must-read for its simple yet gripping narration and amiable characters. SCP 049-j The Red Notebook by Antoine Laurain This is a French romance novella, and basically a love letter to book lovers. There's mystery, romance, and some of the most beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs I have ever read. The ending is so sweet, even though you wonder how you ever got there so soon. SCP 053 Lulu and the Rabbit Next Door by Hilary McKay Lulu and her cousin help their neighbor Arthur learn to love and care for his (neglected) rabbit. She doesn’t want her neighbor to feel bad so she writes the rabbit little notes with helpful gifts signed from her own pet rabbit named Thumper. It’s a kind way to show Arthur how to take care of his new pet SCP 073 HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time Looking for heart-warming stories of kindness and compassion? HumanKind by Brad Aronson was made for you. But the book isn’t only full of uplifting stories that will move you to happy tears, it’s also packed with practical and actionable tips for how to be kinder in your everyday. One thing is for sure: after you put this book down, you’ll feel inspired to do something nice for someone else. And because of that, we think this is one of the best books on the planet! SCP 076 Do Unto Animals We absolutely DEVOURED this book by Tracey Stewart. Whether you’re looking for tips on how to better understand skunks and squirrels or read your pet’s body language, every page is full of compassionate wisdom about to treat animals in a way that they deserve. Also, the illustrations are absolutely beautiful — we nearly wanted to pet the pages because the animal drawings were so lovable. SCP 079 Walden (Henry David Thoreau) With the outdoorsman renaissance happening as we speak, it is nice to look back at one of the books that probably started it. Walden isn’t the bore you read back in middle school, it takes time to appreciate like a nice bottle of red. Thoreau’s masterpiece tackles so much while quietly nudging your brain into activity. It also makes you want to build a cabin SCP 096 Black Beauty by Anna Sewell Told from the perspective of the horse, this story is so beautifully written that it's easy to get lost in it's pages. I laughed and cried, as did my daughter when she read it. SCP 105 Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury Warm and fuzzy the whole way through, Dandelion Wine is by far the best story to make you feel good. Though I'm not the correct age to directly relate to the young adult story, I still felt the warm summer days and the wonder of it all. SCP 106 Catch-22 – Joseph Heller “War is hell,” is the old adage we all know, but Catch-22 looks to modify that a bit. Instead, war becomes super goddamn weird. The book follows a bomber squadron in the Second World War whose collective sanity is slowly being eroded by whatever passes for power. Throughout it all, the main character keeps trying to prove himself insane enough to be kicked out of the Navy, which is precisely why he can’t

be kicked out. Which is a catch 22 and yes, this is where the phrase comes from. It’s a great extrapolation of quirks and idiosyncrasies we see in day to day life, only this time, they’re affecting war SCP 134 (I know she don't have eyes . But there is a books for blind people) A Mango-Shaped Space by Wendy Mass A Mango-Shaped Space is about a 13-year-old girl with synesthesia (she can see, taste, and hear colors) and her journey in getting a diagnosis and accepting herself and all her differences. It's sort of a coming-of-age story, too. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has gone through the same process at the same age, this really was an incredible reading experience. One of my favorite quotes is "We all do the best we can, trying to keep all the balls in the air at once." I recommend it to everyone. SCP 173 Rabbit, Run (John Updike) The greatest mid-life crisis novel of all time doesn’t actually deal with a mid-life crisis at all. Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom is 26 when he decides to leave his wife and son for a new life. Of course, what that new life is, and what exactly he wants out of it isn’t clear to the reader or to Rabbit himself. It will strike a cord with all men who struggle with the idea of settling down. SCP 239 The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling SCP 682 THE WOLF AND THE WATCHMAN BY NIKLAS NATT OCH DAG If you're the kind of person that can't get enough of Scandi noir films, TV shows and literature, then Niklas Natt och Dag's The Wolf And The Watchman should be next on your reading list. Set in 18th-century Stockholm, this tale is as dark as it gets, following the titular watchman and a detective as they hunt down the killer behind a dismembered corpse that appears in a local pond. As gruesome as it is gripping, it's the perfect literary companion as the nights get longer and increasingly eerie. SCP 847 The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell Two priests are called in to examine a girl who might be possessed by the devil. The Exorcist, right? Nope, it’s Ray Russell��s The Case Against Satan, a novel of theological horror that beat William Peter Blatty’s book to print by eight years. The Case Against Satan is as much the story of a crisis of faith as it is a supernatural tale, and readers looking for a nuanced take on both should give it a try SCP 953 THE PILLOW BOOK BY SEI SHŌNAGON If you want to learn a bit more about the Japan of the past – and also, weirdly, all of us in the present – The Pillow Book is a cult classic you should absolutely try. Sei Shōnagon was a lady-in-waiting in the court of Empress Teishi in the year 1000 and here she collects her thoughts and musings about court life. To read a woman more than 1,000 years ago being as philosophical, neurotic and scandalous as anyone is today on social media is a thrill that lasts from the start to the end. SCP 1678 Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden Absolutely moving, the struggles Sayuri faces are painted so beautifully by Arthur Golden's masterful craft that you totally empathize with her as she grows and triumphs in a world designed to see her fail. The ultimate conclusion of the novel fills me with such warmth — it's both entirely unexpected and wholeheartedly appreciated.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #34

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

David Martinez (The Spanish Teacher) 

David Martinez shuffles the papers on his desk, a collection of the Spanish quiz the last class in his day had just finished.  They’re on their way out now, the youngsters of Spanish 302, eager to get out and enjoy their evenings.  He smiles as they leave, many of them waving back and telling him to have a nice day, too.  They’re good kids.  And Mr. Martinez is thrilled that he can teach them the language he loves so dearly.  

After the last one leaves, he opens his desk drawer and pulls out the mirror he keeps there so to examine his teeth.  He can feel a food particle stuck there from lunch, but as he inspects his perfect teeth, he sees nothing there.  Ah well, he’ll have to floss when he gets out to his car.  

“Mr. Martinez?” A voice entering the room startles him, and he quickly puts the mirror back into the drawer and slams it shut.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” 

At first, Mr. Martinez thinks the high-pitched voice belongs to one of the girls, but he looks up to see a boy instead.  A boy dressed wearing bondage straps, like the ones he saw on a dude in a Columbus nightclub years ago, over his otherwise normal looking clothes.  Weird.  

“Hello, what can I do for you?” he says after a second, remembering to smile.  Even if kids are not in his class - he’s always there to help when he can.  

“Mr. Martinez, you don’t really know me, my name is Kurt Hummel,” the boy says.  His eyes are wide, and there’s a bit of awkwardness in his demeanor. The boy is clutching his school books and papers closely to his chest.  He’s probably shy - Mr. Martinez thinks.  Many of the girls are around him. He’s endeared by it. “I’m one of Mr. Schuester’s glee kids.  But I’m not in your class.” 

“Oh, right, I thought I recognized you,” Mr. Martinez replies.  “Are you interested in taking Spanish next year then?” 

The boy’s eyes grow wider.  “Unfortunately, I am a senior, and already taking French.  Though I am clearly regretting all of my life choices right now.” 

Mr. Martinez lets out a choked laugh, not quite sure how to take that.  

“No, I’m here for my boyfriend,” Kurt says.  He manages to rearrange the armful he’s carrying to get out his phone, and hold it up, showing the picture on the lock screen of a well dressed boy wearing an eye-patch whom Mr. Martinez has never seen before.  Kurt looks proudly at the photo, giving a little wistful sigh.  “His name is Blaine Anderson, and he’s a part of your second year Spanish class.  Though he hasn’t been in class because a skunk-faced rat-hoe tried to blind him.” 

“Uh…” 

“I am here, dutifully, to collect any homework he might have missed,” Kurt continues.  “He’ll be out for at least another week, so I’m happy to collect any future assignments as well.” 

“Ah,” Mr. Martinez says, as it all comes together.  He jots the student’s name on a post-it.  “Well, I’m still trying to sort out things from taking over for Mr. Schuester.  I’ll take a look at the assignments Blaine needs to hand in for me, and if you can give me until tomorrow, I can get a packet together.  I would not want Blaine to fall behind due to an injury.”  

“That would be amazing, thank you.  You really are wonderful,” Kurt says, making no motion to leave.  

“Um, is there anything else?” 

“Well, yes…” Kurt lingers awkwardly.  “If you don’t mind.” 

“What can I help with?” Mr. Martinez wonders if it might be a social issue -- these young kids are always discussing their lively emotional issues with him, and having dabbled in counseling classes, he tries to help the best he can with his students.  What he doesn’t expect is Kurt to pull out a tattered magazine from one of his binders and plop open a marked page down on his desk.  

“Well,” Kurt starts gathering in a long breath.  “I noticed you have a fantastic grin, and the other day when you were in glee club I was like -- I know that grin, where do I know it? And then I remembered! You were featured in an ad for men’s oral health care in Out Magazine consistently from May of 1997 through June 2002.  I have read all the back issues I could get my hands on.  Anyway, I have one of my favorite issues here -- it’s the issue from July 2000 with Ian McKellen talking about the similarities between playing Magneto and Shakespeare on stage.  And there’s clearly one of your ads right here.  And I was wondering if you minded, if it’s not too much trouble, if you could sign this copy for me.”  

Mr. Martinez looks down at the page of him -- his younger self smiling perfectly back up at him.  Wow.  He hasn’t seen this in years - and had no idea the reach this particular shoot went.  If he had known, he would have secured a better contract.  The things one would change if they had known better…  

Amused, Mr. Martinez takes a Sharpie, and signs his name in the white space.  He’s always happy to oblige a fan even if it is a little strange that this kid has a magazine from over a decade ago.  

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god,” Kurt lets out a squeal of delight, lightly placing his hand on Mr. Martinez’s bicep.  It lingers there for a moment before Kurt quickly retracts.  “Sorry…” 

“Here you go, Kurt,” Mr. Martinez says, before handing over the magazine.  “I’ll have that packet ready to go if you want to pick it up tomorrow, and let Blaine know that if needs any help catching up, I’m happy to do some tutoring after school.” 

“Oh, my god, yes,” Kurt’s eyes go wide again as he stares off into the distance.  

“Kurt?”  

Kurt shakes himself out of it.  “Yes, yes, thank you, Mr. Martinez.  Blaine’s going to love you.  I mean, love the work you do.  I mean, be happy he’s not going to fall behind.  I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Martinez!” 

“Have a good night, Kurt.” Mr. Martinez lets out a little laugh as Kurt bounces out of the room.  

[flamingsemi]

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Declassified Island Survival Guide From a Seasoned AC Veteran

A friend of mine recently bought ACNH and was very confused as this was her first foray into AC, so I made this info dump guide. I thought somebody else in the world might be able to benefit from it as well. Hope you enjoy! Happy Animal Crossing-ing!

Daily Tasks:

Talk to your islanders. talking to them, completing favors, and giving them gifts will increase your friendship level. Don’t forget to check up on villagers that are inside their houses! They might be crafting a DIY and they will give you the recipe if you talk to them!

Shopping. Everyday the items in the shops will change, this include the items on the nook store, accessible through the Nook Kiosk in town hall/the tent in the plaza

Log on to the Nook Kiosk every day for free nook miles!!!

Walk your beaches. You’ll find shells, and a message in a bottle with a DIY will spawn every day.

Watering flowers. Watering your flowers will lead to hybrids growing. this is how you get colors of flowers such as purple and orange, etc. If it rains, you don’t have to water the flowers, but if you do, then you have a higher chance of hybrids growing.

Money Rock. Every day there will be a money rock. hit it with your ax or shovel (I use the shovel) for cash. Don’t forget to dig a barricade behind yourself to keep you from sliding so you can get all 8 hits in. 

Money tree. Every day there will be a glowing fissure on the ground. Dig it up and you’ll find bells. HOWEVER DO NOT FILL THE HOLE. Instead, bury bells there. This will result in a nursery money tree growing. Trees take 4 days to grow. IMPORTANT AND I DIDN’T KNOW THIS AT FIRST money trees will only grow money once, so after you’ve collected the bells, it’s just a regular tree. I personally have four money trees with one being used and then replaced every day for an endless loop. However many bells you bury is how much money will grow X3, however keep in mind that sometimes it will only grow bags of 10,000 bells, despite planting more than that. To be safe, never go above 50,000 bells, as the likelihood of not getting back what you buried seems to increase after that, but do whatever you’re comfortable with. 

Fossils. Everyday you will see star-shaped markings on the ground throughout your island. Those markings indicate that a fossil is buried in that spot. Dig it up! Then, (once he is unlocked on your island which shouldn’t be too far off) take your fossils to Blathers at the museum to get them assessed. He will tell you what the fossil is. From there they can be donated to the museum if it doesn’t have that fossil yet, or if you already have it you can place it on your island or you can sell it. ALWAYS GET YOUR FOSSILS ASSESSED BEFORE SELLING THEM. An unidentified fossil is only worth a few hundred bells, where an identified fossil is worth a varying couple thousand depending on what it is. There will be 4, sometimes 5, fossils to find on your island everyday.

Catch bugs and fish! bugs and fish spawn throughout your island everyday all day. Different bugs and fish have different conditions for spawning. Some spawn all day in any weather, some only can appear at night, others only during the day. Certain fish only are catchable in the rain. Also most bugs and fish are seasonal, with new bugs and fish being able to be caught every month. Donate your fish and bugs to Blathers to fill up your museum, and sell the rest! It’s one of the main ways to make money. 

Dive for scallops! Go swimming and dive for sea critters. If you catch a scallop and you have space in you pockets, Pascal the otter will spawn and ask you for it. In return he will give you either a pearl or a special DIY recipe. He will spawn once a day. Also the critters you catch can be donated to the museum and also sold.

Not daily tasks:

* Potential weekly visitors include Leif, Kicks, Sahara, Flick, C.J., Gulliver, Gulllivar, Label, and Redd. Characters that can be found on the Plaza are Leif, Kicks, and Label. Leif is a sloth who will sell you plants, Kicks is a skunk who will sell you bags and shoes, and Label is a hedgehog who will ask you for fashion help. Characters that can be found wandering around your island are Sahara, Flick, and C.J. Sahara is a camel who will sell floorings, wallpapers, and rugs, Flick is a chameleon who you can sell bugs to, and C.J. is a beaver you can sell fish to. Both Flick and C.J. will buy their respective creatures for a higher price than the Nooklings will so it may be a good idea to save your bugs and fish for when they visit to make bank XD. Another character that you will initially find wandering around your island is Redd. Redd is fox who you will unlock later after you have donated enough stuff to your museum. Once you have, you will see him wandering around your island. Talk to him, and then the next day his boat will appear at your secret beach which is the tiny stretch of beach off by itself. Redd will sell you art work which can be donated to your museum. BE CAREFUL Redd will sell fake artwork!!! You can only donate real artwork, so choose wisely, as one player can only purchase one piece of art per Redd visit. Other players can purchase one piece of art from him too though. Gulliver and Gullivar are seagulls you will find washed up on your beach. Talk to them or hit them with a net until they wake up (just keep at it!) Talk to them and they will explain what you need to do for them. If you complete the task, you can expect a letter and a gift from them in the mail the following day. You will get one of these visiting characters everyday save for when K.K. Slider is in town. They are random, but characters that did not make an appearance one week are more likely to show up the next.

if you’re early enough in the game that the clothing store is still a visiting event, One day you’ll walk into the Nooklings and see a Hedgehog. After that, the hedgehog will be selling clothes in the plaza on random days. After I think 3 visits she will ask you about setting up a permanent shop. After that, this is store you can buy clothes from, clothes change every day so check often!

General tips:

Don’t sprint near water if you are looking for fish. Sprinting will scare the fish away.

Just regular running and walking will scare away bugs that spawn on trees, stumps, and flowers, so proceed with caution when hunting for bugs. When holding a bug net, hold down A while you walk to creep towards bugs without scaring them away. Release A to swing your net. Bugs like butterflies, dragonflies, and bugs that spawn on the ground will not disappear when scared, they will just try to get away.

Fishing tip if you find yourself struggling: it’s easy to get trigger happy when fishing. Something I do to make it easier is closing my eyes and relying on the rumble of the joy con and the sound of the of the bite. You register sound better than you do visual cues. This is how I catch all fish cause I get to nervous and anticipate bites.

If a villager has a thought bubble above their head, TALK TO THEM! They have something important to say! They either are thinking about moving (which you can encourage or tell them to stay) or want to give you something. 

The same goes for if a villager runs towards you calling your name to get your attention. They either have a reaction to teach you, or a gift!

Don’t be upset with your island layout. Eventually you will unlock terraforming which will allow you to destroy and create rivers, cliffs, and pathways anywhere you want. The only thing you cannot change is the plaza, and the mouths of your rivers. You can also build inclines and bridges, and move the museum, shops, campsite, and houses, at any time so long as you have the bells. You can only build one bridge or incline a day though, and the same goes for moving buildings. 

Eating fruit will give you strength. With that strength, you can destroy rocks by hitting them with your shovel or ax (they will respawn in a different location the next day) and pick up entire trees with your shovel.

a stone axe will allow you to hit a tree indefinitely, but just an iron Axe will cut down the tree in 3 hits, so don’t farm for wood with the iron Axe! also you can remove stumps with your shovel

when filling a hole, press Y to use your foot to cover the hole instead of using your shovel. This will increase the longevity of your shovel.

BE CAREFUL WHEN SHAKING TREES!!! There is a chance of a wasp nest falling! If that happens, wasps will chase you and try to sting you. You can catch the wasps with a bug net, or you can run into a building to get them to stop chasing you. If they sting you, use some medicine to heal yourself. If you get stung a second time before using medicine, you will pass out and wake up in front of your house.

IF YOU ARE GOING TREE SHAKING have the net equipped and shake the tree from the front. If a wasp nest falls, it will fall to either side of you (or right on top of you but it doesn’t matter.) Your character will turn to face the wasps. Immediately after your shocked animation, swing your net to catch the wasps. 

2 items will spawn in 2 random, non-fruit-baring trees on your island everyday. Shake trees (with a net equipped in case of wasps!) and there’s a chance an item leaf will drift down. 

On mystery islands there will be 1 item in a non-fruit-baring tree. Same tactics suggested as seen above

Don’t be afraid of spiders and scorpions.  They will only try to bite/sting you if you are holding a bug net, otherwise they will ignore you. You should try to catch them if you are comfortable doing so though, as you can donate them to the museum and you can sell them (they are expensive! more so if you sell them to Flick!) Just creep up to them slowly and you’ll catch them just fine.

Depending on the season, there will be some special materials floating around your island that you can catch with your bug net. This include snowflakes in the winter and cherry tree petals in the spring. I assume there might be some falling leaves in autumn, but I haven’t experienced autumn in the game yet so I can’t say for sure. 

To raise your island’s star level, there are two major things to do. One, put flowers freaking everywhere. Two, put furniture FREAKING EVERYWHERE. your beaches, your plains, your mountains, DECORATE EVERYWHERE!!!!

Every sunday before noon, there will be a little piglet girl walking around your island. She is selling turnips. This is the way to MAKE BANK in Animal Crossing. the turnips are meant to be sold in The Stalk Market (get it?). Everyday (save for sunday) you will be able to sell your turnips to the Nooklings. The price of the turnips changes twice a day every day, the change occurs at noon. the idea is to buy turnips low and sell turnips high. the buying price of turnips will range from around 90 to 110 bells every week. The selling price will range from like 30 bells to like 700 something. Obviously, the higher the better. IMPORTANT! Turnips go bad after one week, upon which they are worthless. Make sure to sell your turnips before the next sunday!! However I would allow one stack of turnips to go bad once as this is how you catch ants. Drop the rotten turnips outside and ants will spawn on it. The same goes for catching flies, just drop some trash outside. BUT DON’T LEAVE THE TRASH FOREVER it will lower the star rating of your island.

Never sell things to the Nooklings via the drop box unless you have to. Selling via drop box comes with a like 15% reduction on the sell price, so you won’t get as many bells as you would if you sell to the Nooks by talking to them.

Day resets at 5 AM, not midnight, so don’t panic if you need to complete something by the end of the day and it’s almost 12.

Your villagers will teach you reactions. Aside from the 4 defaults you start with, The reactions you can learn are divided up amongst the villager types. For example, from a Normal type villager, you can learn Pleased, Fearful, Sadness, and Glee. Additionally, a villager will teach you one extra reaction if you max out your friendship level with them. If you’re best friends with a Normal type villager, they will teach you Daydreaming. So if you wanna unlock all 44 reactions, it’s important to get villagers of all different types and befriend them!

Dropping items of any kind will lower the star rating of your island if there are too many things on the ground. This includes turnips unfortunately -_-

Giving villagers gifts increase your relationship with them. But, if you wrap the gift before giving it to them, your relationship will increase by an additional point. Color of the paper doesn’t matter as far as I can tell. 

Villagers have preferred styles and colors of clothing. You can give them whatever you want, but they will particularly enjoy items that match their preferred style and colors. Villagers also really appreciate gifts on their birthday! You will be notified via the notification board in the plaza about a week in advance of a villagers birthday

See a yellow bird (daytime) or an owl (nighttime) sitting on top of your notification board in the plaza? That means there’s a new post on the board! Go read it!

Holidays occur in animal crossing too! Holidays like Halloween, Christmas, Easter, New Years, and many others have Animal Crossing equivalents. Special events and items can be experienced and obtained on these days, so make sure to check in! You should also check in on YOUR birthday ;)

All in all, Animal Crossing is what you want it to be. This is just one way of playing. You can focus on whatever you wanna focus on, and do whatever you want to do. I just went crazy covering all the bases. I’m here if you have more questions. I hope you have loads of fun!

If you’re interested in keeping track of all the stuff you have, there is a free app called ACNH Guide. It can help you keep track of what bugs and fish and fossils you have and also what bugs and fish are currently available and where to find them. You can also log items and DIYs and music and what villagers you have and mark off the rocks you’ve hit, the money tree you have planted, and the bottled message. It can also help you keep track of what days the visiting characters come. It also has a built in turnip predictor which can help you make the most money that you can! And they are adding to the app all the time. I really recommend it if you want to keep track of all the craziness.