#so maybe they're harder than they should be i'm not sure cause tbh they've been a fucking breeze for me

[drop-dead-dropout]

couldn't be me hashtag getting my diploma equivalent in a week hashtag allergic to putting my bad bitch self through that bullshit hashtag living the dream sunglasses emoji

after 11 tabs, 2 video essays, 6 hours of chatting on discord, 4 meals, 7 zone-out sessions, 4 doodle pages, 2 illustrations, 10 hours of twitter scrolling, 3 hour naps, 1 DnD session, 7 hours of tumblr scrolling, 15 hours of switching between social medias, 5 youtube videos about my hyperfixation, 2 hours of wikipedia hopping, 4 mental breakdowns, 3 hours of make-up, 9 hours of outfit wearing, and 12 old youtube videos, I FINALLY finished my 5 minute homework! ^_^

[symbioticsimplicity]

Tumblr, I have like...the weirdest question to ask you all. And I don't exactly know how to phrase it.

What...no, I think where exists the sexual being threshold for clowns?

See yeah no I don't know how to ask this, let's--

Here, visuals can only help us:

Here we've got these guys. They have all the classical halmarks of being a clown. Colorful face paint, big red nose, off-putting clashing outfit, the works. On most people's Sexy Meter or whatever, they're rating pretty low. Might even hit creepy for some folk.

But then we've got like, I dunno, this fuckin dude:

Definitely still a clown, and creepy as all hell arguably. But. BUT. There are plenty of people who want to fuck him, I know it, I've seen the fan art.

Could be the monsterfuckers I hear you say. You're probably right, but that's not the only flavor of clown I see folks wanting to get freaky with.

I think I've figured out my actual question now, the pictures helped.

How many clown traits can something have and still be sexy? And which ones are they??? And just maybe, what the fuck is it about a handful of clown traits that makes people lose their shit???

So. We have a baseline. Normal ass Bozo lookin headass clowns.

Now, lets shuffle to the far side of this horrible, horrible scale I need to make.

I would be remiss not to mention her for a question like this:

Arguably Harley has the least amount of clown traits while still being associated HEAVILY with clowns. Previous iterations of her have leaned harder into the clown theme, although she's more of a jester but fuck it same circus.

Regardless of her clown genus, Harley is arguably the best example of the Clown Sexiness cross over bullshit I'm talking about. She was also built with the intention of making her sexually appealing and she happens to have the least actual clown traits.

Now is that...related??

Recently I've been watching a lot of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss (which is probably what triggered this whole clown sexualization crisis nonsense). There are a LOT of characters in that series who resemble clowns heavily and are also still considered to be sexy.

On the lower end of the clown scale we have:

The Morningstars. Both Charlie and Lucifer’s faces resemble clown makeup strongly enough to immediately make one think of clowns. Lucifer is dressed like a fucking ringmaster and both of them are very silly MOST of the time. They're both considered attractive.

But then you've got these bitches:

They are VERY clown. Pretty sure they're based on clownfish even. They SING about being clowns.

Still hot!

But Symbi, I hear you groan, they're traditionally attractive women, of course people think they're hot. That's why. It overides the clown. That's it.

EXPLAIN. HIM.

This fucking dude is AGGRESSIVELY clown. He probably has the highest quotient of clown traits of the regular Helluva Boss cast. He's a weird little gremlin and I KNOW people want to fuck him real bad.

Is it because they've minimized the obtrusiveness of the clown? Moved away from the traditional and into stylization and thus transcended the barriers of clown? Is it cause they're all skinny and white?

I'd probably pack it up there with that as an explanation if I hadn't had to sit through THIS FUCKING DUDE taking over my dash for weeks:

I don't know a goddamn thing about One Piece but I know everyone was so fucking horny about this clown for...just a long ass while.

Now HE has even more prominent clown traits than anyone since Pennywise tbh. He's serving classic clown cunt like he's the last circus in Clown Town. Surely he should have been in the same camp as the baseline guys.

And yet. AND YET my very vivid memory of the fever dream that was watching a chunk of the internet simp for him tells me that's not the case.

So. Where the FUCK is the line?? Where do we stop wanting to fuck clowns? Why do we START wanting to fuck clowns?? Where in the god bedamned hell do ICP fall on this... clown fuckery scale. Please don't answer that one.

I don't know the answers to any of it. I just noticed that people find it sexy when people do the big lipstick with the points at the corners and that shit looks like stylized clown makeup. Now I'm drowning in clowns and questions.

Help.

[littleoddwriter]

Naughty | Roman Sionis x Male!Reader | Smut

"And last but not least 10, Roman/black mask x male reader (nsf/w again cuz we be horny). I don't have a super specific scenario for this, but it could either be reader genuinely doesn't know who they're talking to and Roman decided to teach them a lesson

Or reader knows *exactly* who they are talking to but is fishing for punishment/a lesson/just being a brat. You're welcome to decide what the lesson is (ideas include idk man spanking, orgasm delay/denial, public (am I thinking of an opposite to the other horny fic we came up with? where reader is not a good boy? maybe,,,,), whatever you want really lol)" @iscariot-rising​

summary; You’re in a mood and seek punishment from Roman to get out of your head for a bit. 

notes; KINKS: Daddy!Kink; Spanking; Sexual Punishment; Consensual, but neither safe nor sane tbh; Coming basically untouched; Slight exhibitionism. Male!Reader; PWP; Lemon; Smut; Using sexual punishment to stop feeling bad/thinking.

Having woken up after an awful night and feeling your mood decline with every thought that tumbled through your brain, you were feeling that need for Roman to put you in your place and make you lose every train of thought possible. Usually a good punishment would get you out of your head and that weird mood, because no doubt it would only get progressively worse the more you dwelled on it. Roman wouldn't punish you if you asked for it, though. He wanted you to have earned it. Fine by you. You would make sure you've earned it, alright.

Roman was downstairs at the club, which wasn't even due to open for several more hours. So you went and joined him there, seeing to whatever he was doing.

When you reached downstairs, you saw a couple of his men mopping the floor. It smelled awfully like bleach. It assaulted your nose for a moment, as you scrunched your face up in reaction to it.

Side-stepping the working men, you went further into the club's area and saw Roman sitting in a booth with Zsasz, cackling about something. There was some blood on Victor's face. That would explain what they've been doing then, and possibly even what they were laughing about.

When Roman finally noticed you coming closer, he sobered up a little at first, then a wide grin spread on his face. It still had some sadistic, sinister touch to it, but for the most part it was charming, happy even.

"Look at you, baby! What are you doing down here, hm?" He exclaimed, still grinning, as Zsasz looked at you curiously.

You sat down next to Roman and playfully smiled up at him. "Oh, you know, I got a little bored all by myself and wanted to see what you were doing."

"Did you now? And haven't I told you not to come downstairs when I'm busy here outside of business hours, baby?" His tone already took on a dangerous edge; so going down here despite knowing you weren't allowed to did pay off. Good.

"Ah, well, I might have forgotten, sorry," you said, not sounding sorry at all.

Roman hummed, his grin slowly vanishing from his face.

"You know I don't like it when my orders aren't being followed," he rasped.

Shivering, you bit your lower lip and grinned cheekily.

"Didn't know that applied to me as well, Daddy."

"Hmmm, you're just being a little shit now, sweet boy, aren’t you? What is it?"

"I'm not! It's nothing, Daddy, I promise! What should it be?" You said, playing up the part of being completely oblivious.

"Do you just act stupid or are you really it?" He rasped.

By then, you knew he had caught on, probably even knowing that you did it on purpose; but his quick temper often got the better of him when you played your cards right. Like right now.

"Now, now, Daddy! That's rude, isn't it? But that's to be expected from you."

You knew that what you just said would make his blood boil, it might have hurt him a little, too, but you were willing to pay that price right now.

Clenching his fists, he fixed you with a fierce glare. "Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

"Of course I do, Daddy! But y'know, sometimes you really can be a little rude."

"Is that so? Do you hear that Zsasz?"

Zsasz nodded, "I think you should teach him a lesson, Boss."

You were sure that Victor wasn't talking about sexual punishment like you were aiming for, but rather peeling your mug off because he wanted Roman to himself.

"Yes, I believe you're right, I should. Would you be so kind and leave us alone then, Victor?" Roman said, looking at you intently.

Disappointment was clear in Victor's expression, but he got up without another word and left the two of you alone in the club, as the other staff had left by that point, too.

Roman nudged you, "C'mon, over my lap. Now."

Fucking finally!

Swallowing thickly, you shifted and leaned over his legs and laid face-down on his thighs, your chest and stomach pressing against them, while your ass was up for him to do whatever he liked with. He rubbed his gloved hand over your still clothed ass cheeks, seemingly admiring them.

"Count," was his only, huskily rasped, warning before he lifted his hand and let it come down on your right ass cheek, hard.

You yelped and moaned out a "One".

Then again. "Two."

Again. It felt harder. "Three."

This continued on until you reached spank number ten.

Because then, he reached under you and unbuttoned your pants, sliding them down your hips, over your straining erection, and over your butt, situating them right where thighs met cheeks. Your bottom already felt so fucking raw. Roman's spankings were always forceful. As much as he looked like he never lifted a finger on his own, he actually worked out, and it showed in his strength.

You've been hard and aching for the past three spanks already and you didn't know how many he's planned for you to receive. You might come practically untouched, depending on it, because your cock kept rubbing against the cushion beneath you and his thigh. It was driving you crazy before, when you were still clothed, and now, with your dick bared, it would only be so much worse.

All those thoughts were ripped from your mind, as his leather-clad hand came back down on your bare rump again, alternating between the left and right cheek and where he hit. It was relentless.

By the twenty-fith spank, your counting was barely intelligible anymore, as it was caught between shouts, moans and dry sobs.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you figured that his hand must have gone numb by that point, but he kept spanking you. You could feel his hard cock against your stomach, though. So as unaffected as he seemed by all of this, he wasn't it entirely.

At the fiftieth hit, you couldn't control yourself anymore and came all over his thigh and the booth's cushions, sobbing and moaning pitifully, as tears streamed down your red face.

He stopped for a moment, rubbing over your cheeks soothingly, although it only made them burn more.

"Tell Daddy how sorry you are for disrespecting him and for coming unprompted all over him. C'mon," he rasped, his voice even deeper than before.

It took you a moment to even register what he's said. You blinked rapidly, trying to come back to the now. You felt so floaty.

"Sorry, Daddy." It was a quiet, unintelligible mumble.

"I didn't quite hear you there, sweet cheeks. Try again." To underline what he just said, he spanked you twice on each cheek again.

Obediently, you slurred the numbers. He paused again.

"Daddy, I- I'm sorry. 'm so sorry," you mumbled a little louder, your voice shaking.

"'Kay then," he whispered.

Roman then lifted his hand off your ass and helped you to sit up. You were so out of it that you just barely registered the pain it caused to sit.

"Ew, you've made a fucking mess of my suit pants. Ugh," you could faintly hear him complain.

A moment later he had gotten up apparently, as you felt his arms around you. One around your back, under you arms and gripping onto your side, and the other one under your thighs. Then he lifted you up, bridal style.

"Let's get you upstairs and taken care of, my little prince."

Completely out of it, you smiled and pressed your wet, red face into his chest. Your plan had worked out to the best possible result. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Just about Janis: Won't tell anyone you didn't hit me up with the coveted Morning text, like Jimmy: No need when I'm there to do it in person Jimmy: Just use your imagination when you tell 'em how I woke you up Janis: 😏 Why bother when they so ready to do it themselves, like Janis: #yourinfluence obvs Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Yours is that the 🐶 won't shut up 'bout you #real love 💕 Janis: Dog, yeah? Janis: Not heard that one before Jimmy: Alright, you rumbled me, my sister too Jimmy: But what the dog's saying is nicer Janis: 😂 Janis: I did forget to invite her along, to be fair Janis: Forgetfulness gotta be catching 'cos Mia totally wanted to idk Janis: wax my bikini line or something, apparently Jimmy: I know this is fake but your dirty talk needs some work, mate Jimmy: Good to know that shit does happen at sleepovers though Janis: Grow up dickhead 🙄 Janis: probably try recreate game of thrones and pour it on my head, no thanks Janis: can't make that sexy, no matter how many dragons I add to the story, soz Jimmy: Niche reference 👍 Jimmy: I rolled up to say tah for not being a dickhead anyway Jimmy: It all went to plan Janis: You're definitely that kinda nerd, don't lie Janis: Duh Janis: 🥇 Janis: I told you Jimmy: Piss off am I Jimmy: You can't pretend that you don't know how cool I am now, Joan Janis: What, 'cos you took me to the pub I suggested Janis: Okay 😏 Jimmy: 'cause I didn't make a holy show of myself as you Irish call it Jimmy: at the pub you suggested Janis: You were alright Janis: Not too unbearable, like Jimmy: I love you too, baby 😘 Janis: 🖕 Idiot Jimmy: What you doing tonight? Jimmy: We should be seen together so people don't reckon I got what I wanted and that's it Janis: Or you were that shit I've had to ghost you Jimmy: Nobody's thinking that Janis: Alright ego 😜 Janis: but I'm up for doing something, long as it's not totally shit Jimmy: Is there like a party or something going on? Jimmy: More people the better, I reckon Janis: Undoubtedly Janis: I'll ask my cousin, not everyone he knows is a total prick Janis: up for the challenge, yeah? 💪 Jimmy: Like you said 🥇 Janis: 👍 I've hit him up, let you know the where and when Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm on a half day so don't matter Jimmy: Time to make myself look #goals Janis: Sick Janis: weren't too dead were ya? Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You? Janis: Good Janis: 'Course not Janis: Lazy rich bitch anyway so you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't 'ave to Janis: Please, you're so gutted Jimmy: Maybe Jimmy: You'll just have to cheer me up tonight Janis: Yeah? Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Jimmy: We haven't faked it for that long before Janis: Have a little faith Janis: 'less you're planning to make it hard for me or Jimmy: It'd be more fun but we've got a deal Jimmy: So don't fuck it up & I won't Janis: Fine 🙄 Jimmy: Saving your enthusiasm? 👍 Janis: Yeah Janis: basically got 16 years worth saved up, hope you're ready Jimmy: Challenge accepted, Jillian Janis: That's the worse one yet Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I won't use it when anyone can hear me, don't worry Jimmy: What's your name again though? Janis: You testing me Janis: watch me turn up looking like a bag of shit now Janis: enjoy, wanker Jimmy: Watch me 😍😍😍 even harder for it Jimmy: You're not gonna beat me, babe Janis: So am Jimmy: Like I said, easy to say now Jimmy: Harder to do when I'm chaining 🚬 to put you off Janis: 😒 I've handled worse Jimmy: I don't need your exes list, Judy Janis: Short list Janis: . Janis: like Jimmy: What? Jimmy: You only fake date Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fuck off Janis: I don't date Janis: waste of time Jimmy: Can be Janis: Is Jimmy: Pete'll be gutted Jimmy: Still, if you're as good in bed for real as you are when it's fake, decent consolation Janis: I'm sure Janis: aside from he probably fancies you more than he does me Jimmy: Me too, he's been name dropping you all shift 💕 Jimmy: Wrong again, Jennifer Janis: Lies Jimmy: I didn't know who he meant for half of it Jimmy: but yeah Janis: Brilliant Janis: Good thing he's not our target demo then isn't it Jimmy: No offense, Janis Jimmy: ain't my fault he don't know you Janis: Why would he Janis: He's like year above ain't he, idk Jimmy: How would I know? Jimmy: Not the one crushing on him Janis: You do keep bringing him up Janis: if you needed a beard, like Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: What do you wanna talk about then? Janis: [Party deets] Janis: There you go, can plan your outfit now Jimmy: What time do you wanna show up? Janis: Later the better, init Janis: make a scene but also, don't have to spend too much time surrounded by idiots Jimmy: You just know you can't hack faking being my girlfriend for too long Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: Bitch I can go all night Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You'd be stretched to do an hour Janis: Bollocks Janis: When do YOU wanna go then? Jimmy: I'd go right now if they'd have me Jimmy: Better than being stuck at the CG Janis: N'awh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I'll do it tonight Jimmy: Do your best to wait patiently, Jodie Janis: 🖕 Do yours to keep up Janis: can't be too late if you gotta leave 9 though, are you sure Janis: lowkey might not even start before then Jimmy: I've sorted it with Cass Jimmy: I can be out as late as we need to get this done Janis: Didn't know it was her calling the curfew not your Da Janis: but makes sense, tbh Janis: cool then Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: He don't call any shots Jimmy: But someone's gotta look after my brother & he don't worry 'bout that either Janis: I wasn't trying to be funny about it Jimmy: Decent effort then 'cause you weren't Janis: Alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: meet there? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Let me know when Janis: k Jimmy: [Later] Jimmy: They want me to work over Jimmy: when are we going? Janis: Oh, don't worry then if it's gonna be too much hassle Jimmy: It's only a couple more hours Janis: When are you getting off now? Jimmy: 4.30 Jimmy: but I got some shit to do when I leave here Jimmy: part of Cass' bargain Janis: 👍 good girl Janis: anything i can help with or you alright Jimmy: you can get the dog out Jimmy: know you'd both love that 💕 Janis: Sure thing Janis: use the extra steps myself anyway Jimmy: Come and get my keys whenever Janis: Are the kids gonna be about Janis: they could come with, if they would Jimmy: you can ask 'em if you're feeling brave Janis: Just an idea Janis: might run off some energy lowkey exhaust the dog and them, like Jimmy: I reckon it's a good one Jimmy: They might not Janis: I'll try Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: If they're dickheads, text me Janis: Don't worry, I've got millions of cousins and shit, I know how to not get 'em killed or I wouldn't offer Jimmy: Weren't worried 'bout 'em Jimmy: Just you Janis: Oi Janis: I'm no soft-touch Jimmy: Only got your word for that, mate Janis: 😑 Janis: Proof'll be how well-trained this dog is Jimmy: You ain't got long enough for that Jimmy: I'm not fake dating you for years tah Janis: Christ no Janis: crash course, I'm that good Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: as long as you're more convincing tonight Janis: Name a time I haven't been Janis: everyone's buying it so hard Jimmy: I told you, that was lowest tier shit Jimmy: You have to pretend to like me for longer than a make out sesh Janis: I keep telling you I can, damn Janis: Can't prove it 'til we're there, can I? Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: take some pics on your walk, really milk how domestic we are Janis: Done Janis: she's very photogenic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you can date her for real when this is over Janis: You're giving me her in the fake breakup, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: means you gotta give me something Jimmy: get thinking Janis: can I interest you in Grace? Janis: know what you're thinking, literally defeats the point Janis: but she just looking for a new fam Janis: bitch for a bitch Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: One sister's enough Janis: Shit Janis: I got 3 Janis: worst luck Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: violin solo for each Janis: Grace is more like a fucking triangle solo Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: I don't reckon there's an emoji for that though 💔 Janis: 🃏 Janis: really lacking on the emoji front Janis: gutted, gonna complain Jimmy: get it done, Joanne Janis: talk to twitter whilst i'm there Janis: your account not dead now? Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I ain't checked Janis: Bummer Janis: no new nudes for me 💔 Jimmy: I'll streak through the party Jimmy: make an entrance Janis: 😂 Janis: Twat Janis: There's no pretending to be 😍 over public indecency Jimmy: try harder then, dickhead Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 Janis: I don't want everyone to reckon I'm actually derranged, like Janis: be normal, Taylor Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you know, one of us has to Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon you won't be overcome with lust at the sight of me actually naked Jimmy: head in the game, girl Janis: 'Course Janis: who wouldn't be Janis: turning it into a casual orgy Jimmy: Mia maybe Jimmy: You're more her type Janis: Ugh don't Janis: idk what her problem really is Janis: 'cept she wants to wear my skin Jimmy: she's jealous Janis: Nah Janis: she's an only child and her daddy gives her everything so she's rolling in it Jimmy: but 'til he gives her money for surgery you're prettier than her Jimmy: & now you've got me so 🗡 Janis: Don't fuck her, yeah? Janis: It must be how she gets her power 'cos she's got no interest in actually being with you, she just has a list of like every boy in Dublin or some shit she's working through Jimmy: even if she has surgery, I have standards, I told you Janis: Good Janis: even if you're a bit of a prick, hate to see you go like that Janis: 🐍 eat you when she's done Jimmy: I'd rather my 🍆 stays attached to me Jimmy: more use than my head Janis: What's more #bae Janis: agree or disagree? 🤔 Jimmy: take it to a twitter poll Janis: I think they've got a bias rn though, after that pic Janis: say something dead brainy, babe Jimmy: too northern for that Jimmy: do it for me & say I did Janis: It's weird when you're #humble Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: gonna fuck with you when you find out that's the real me Janis: Coulda kept that in the vault, I'd never know Jimmy: Like I said, you'd find out Janis: You not planning on deleting me when this is all over then? Jimmy: Probably but there's still this thing called IRL Jimmy: Can't bin school off yet Janis: Oh, where I'm at my most social, 'course Janis: you barely knew I existed 'til now I think we'll be fine 😏 Jimmy: Don't be gutted Jimmy: I know your name now & everything Janis: Yeah was so sat there praying for the day Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what are you actually gonna wear Janis: not saying we should be THAT fake couple and co-ord but Jimmy: hadn't given it any real thought Jimmy: what's the party dress code in leprechaun land? Janis: depends who you are and who they are Janis: don't wanna be try hard Janis: probably can't show up in my gym clothes, though Jimmy: who am I & who are they, babe? Janis: you know who you are Janis: leather jackets ain't just for your baes, obviously Janis: idk who this kid is exactly but he lives in a normal neighbourhood so he's not like dead posh or anything Jimmy: there's your answer then Jimmy: easy 😍 Jimmy: only challenge is me finding the place Janis: I better hang about then after I've walked the dog Janis: probably more #goals to go together anyway Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: smoothie? Jimmy: You should eat so you don't get dead drunk again Janis: 'Scuse me Janis: I was not Jimmy: You were Jimmy: & don't bring a jacket so you can wear mine that's gotta be #goals Janis: Just mad it went unnoticed that I was in the dog walking 'gram Janis: too 💕 for them all, baby Jimmy: just don't get as pissed tonight Jimmy: you might let everyone know how you really feel Janis: You ain't my Dad Jimmy: Nah, I'm your fake boyfriend & I'd like it if you didn't out us Jimmy: that's it Janis: I'm not going to because I wasn't even drunk and I won't be tonight Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you're gonna chat shit, I've got work to do Janis: I don't wanna chat to you anyway if you're gonna be shady Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Shady? Am I also slim 😂 Jimmy: top lingo, Janet Janis: 😒 you are that white Jimmy: take it up with my dad Janis: When can we have our first fake fight 'cos you're asking for it today, like Jimmy: a bit soon unless you wanna do a really hot makeup makeout Janis: Who'd want that? Janis: Shame Jimmy: the fans Janis: True Janis: but you said I've gotta show I can stand you when you ain't rocking my world so Jimmy: & you've gotta show you want me too more than just a once off Janis: Don't want much, do ya? Jimmy: It ain't about what I want Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: I know you keep saying you'll do this easy Jimmy: So stop whinging Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you liked whelan's then, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll probably go back Janis: good Janis: i knew you would, it's alright Jimmy: seeing as you know me so well you can find me a real girl to date when this is over Janis: ha Janis: jog on Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: it'd be a laugh to see who you'd pick if nowt else Janis: not a dyke, remember? Jimmy: didn't say you had to join in with us, did I? Janis: shut up Janis: what do i know about girls Janis: not a real one, am i Jimmy: what do you reckon you are then? My dream Jimmy: Piss off Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you're real Janis: You said it, not me Jimmy: What? Janis: 'you can find me a real girl to date' Jimmy: I meant a girl to not fake date Janis: whatever Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: don't matter Janis: forget it Jimmy: don't wanna Janis: don't be a dick Janis: if you didn't mean it you didn't Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: So don't you be a dickhead Janis: What the fuck have I done? Jimmy: acting shady Jimmy: to use your top lingo Janis: 😑 you clearly don't know what that means Jimmy: nah I don't Jimmy: it's bollocks Jimmy: reckon you made it up just then Janis: not that deep undercover than we need our own language Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't sure I'd keep up Jimmy: proper cryptic you Irish Janis: 🖕 Janis: how's that for cryptic? Janis: gobshite Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm not finding you a girlfriend Janis: Ruin your own life Jimmy: Alright, leave me to my own devices so I can find another girl who prefers old blokes Jimmy: on your head Janis: If it keeps you from becoming a baby daddy, aren't I doing you/the world a massive service, really, like Jimmy: if that keeps you warm, mate, tell yourself it Jimmy: I'll be shivering 'cause left out in the cold 🎻 Janis: Catch me and Pete laughing at you whilst we fuck on a huge pile of money in our mcmansion Janis: #thedream Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've seen him concentrating when he makes a latte I don't need to think about his face when he's going at it Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: get in his inbox to live that dream Janis: Can't be having my fake mans and real in the same place Janis: mixing business and pleasure always a no Jimmy: he won't say owt Jimmy: tell him you're down to cheat Janis: thanks for your permission 😂 Jimmy: don't care, do I? Jimmy: just keep it off the 'gram Janis: You might have endless faith in him but I don't Janis: everyone knows everyone's business around here 🙄 Jimmy: if you cheat I ain't lost owt Jimmy: go on Jimmy: save me a break up Janis: I don't think so Janis: I get to come out of this looking good, that was part of the deal Jimmy: We can change it easy Jimmy: & anyway who says pete ain't a trade up Janis: Nah Janis: Deal's a deal, I'm sticking to my side of it Jimmy: You've done it Jimmy: been proven those girls ain't my type Janis: If that was true we wouldn't be going tonight Janis: we ain't done here Jimmy: we ain't done for you Jimmy: but if you reckon you've got a better offer, take it Janis: Don't use this as an excuse Janis: you know I don't Jimmy: an excuse for what? Janis: For not wanting to help me out now we've sorted your side of it out Jimmy: I've said I'll do it Jimmy: like I said, not about what I want Janis: I know you don't want it alright Janis: it doesn't have to be much longer Jimmy: just don't fuck Pete Jimmy: I still have to work with him Jimmy: & I don't want the pisstake Janis: I'm not going to Janis: I've literally not spoken to him before Jimmy: then don't speak to him Janis: Um bit far, am I only allowed to order smoothies from you? Jimmy: CG isn't the only shit coffee shop around Jimmy: why come in after this? Janis: so I'm banned now, jesus Janis: fine Janis: I don't even drink coffee Jimmy: I can't ban you Jimmy: not the manager Janis: but you would if you could? Janis: well that's lovely Jimmy: so you would come in for coffee & a chat after I've fake dumped you? 👌 Janis: You're actually such a prick Janis: 1. I'M dumping YOU Janis: 2. You were actually serious that you're gonna delete me? Avoid me forever too? Very mature Jimmy: I'm gonna delete everyone Jimmy: not just you Jimmy: why do you care? like you said, didn't know each other existed before Janis: You're gonna have no friends, whole time you're here then Jimmy: hopefully Jimmy: what you're offering now, are you? Janis: no one good enough for you, yeah? Janis: not now I know Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you were the one warning me not to turn into 'em like a day ago Jimmy: didn't realise the real you was a cheerleader of leprechaun town Janis: Piss off Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: wear the uniform tonight though, the fans will love it Janis: It's going to take you ages you may as well try and tolerate it whilst you're here Jimmy: You don't have to outdo my dad on the fatherly advice Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: Exactly, you're not gonna leave your brother and sister here Janis: so it's years, not months Jimmy: that's assuming any of us are gonna stay here Jimmy: he keeps jobs slightly longer than girlfriends but don't go mad, like Janis: Yeah great, hinge your masterplan on his lack of Janis: I hope it all works out for you, really Jimmy: I don't need a masterplan this is my real life not a fake dating plot Janis: Fuck you Janis: Act like it then, you live here right now, get over it Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You've lived here longer Jimmy: where's your friends? Janis: What's it matter 'bout me? Jimmy: you're dishing it out like I gotta be living my best life Jimmy: sort yours Janis: Again, this isn't about me Janis: you're not me Jimmy: & you ain't me, sweetheart Jimmy: you don't know what I want so don't tell me Janis: Don't fucking talk to me like that Jimmy: likewise Janis: Fine, be miserable Janis: like you said, why do I care Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck me knowing what you want, I hope you work it out Jimmy: I have Janis: Good for you Jimmy: dead patronising you Jimmy: Love that Janis: I'm not the one throwing out sweethearts like it's the 70s Jimmy: Nah, you're just the one judging me when all you know is my name basically Jimmy: starting to see your sister's POV now Jimmy: bit of a nightmare, aren't you? Janis: Go fuck her then Jimmy: I don't want to Jimmy: but tah for the permission Janis: Literally drop dead Janis: I never once judged you and it's fucking rich you taking issue when all you do is judge everyone here all the time Jimmy: just 'cause you're a girl don't mean you can talk me like that & then tell me how to talk to you Janis: like what Janis: you talk to me like a piece of shit Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Great Janis: Bye Jimmy: not bye, see you in a bit Jimmy: unless you're bailing Janis: you reckon i'm in the party mood Janis: really Jimmy: not what I asked Jimmy: don't matter how you really feel, does it? Janis: you're a sociopath, awesome Jimmy: no idea Jimmy: but alright fuck the party, don't bother me Janis: nah, 'course, nothing does Jimmy: nowt that's any of your business Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll still walk the dog it isn't her fault Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you'll still need the keys Jimmy: won't throw 'em at you not very #goals Janis: I don't care anymore Janis: who am I impressing, like you said Jimmy: when? Janis: You know Janis: I've got no friends, I'm a nightmare Janis: 🎻 Janis: the list goes on Jimmy: that's not what they're seeing Jimmy: just me 🎻 Jimmy: you've impressed everyone else Janis: Please Janis: you're so smart now Jimmy: It don't take much Janis: Exactly Janis: Jig is probably up Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you know it's working Janis: Yeah not now I hate you Jimmy: you didn't love me before Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: call it off Janis: I'm not coming out of this like this Janis: you don't have to see me Janis: I'll make it work myself Jimmy: 👌 Janis: just tell me how you wanna sound Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: do it how you want Janis: is it wise to give me such free reign Janis: nightmare i am Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: don't matter Janis: You reckon I shouldn't care? Jimmy: I'm saying I don't Janis: No one's judging you anyway Jimmy: feel free to change that Janis: I'm not that much of a bitch Janis: thanks Jimmy: not on the 'gram anyway Janis: Fuck you Janis: I was being nice Jimmy: 'til I told you not to fuck Pete Jimmy: If I knew that was the dealbreaker I wouldn't have said nowt Janis: No, 'til you asked me to find you a girlfriend, called me not a girl Janis: then fucking agreed with my sister Jimmy: I told you, I never said you weren't a girl Jimmy: & I weren't serious about the girlfriend thing Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't even know if that's his name so it isn't about that Jimmy: alright Janis: It ain't alright Janis: I wasn't serious either you didn't have to take it like that and make it into this thing Jimmy: I seriously don't want you to fuck my co-workers Jimmy: that's all I said Janis: I'm not going to! Janis: I don't even want to Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't matter now Janis: Why not Jimmy: 'cause this is finished Jimmy: we don't need to keep chatting 'bout it Janis: Why is it a problem if I'm not gonna do it Jimmy: it ain't Janis: Then stop being a dick Jimmy: You stop being a dick Janis: dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: stop Jimmy: just break it off Jimmy: I've got work to do Janis: Come on Janis: you're really dedicated now you don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: if we aren't going to the party what is there to chat about? Janis: well we could Janis: but fine Jimmy: you don't wanna either Jimmy: you hate me now, remember? Janis: Well you never liked me apparently so can't be offended Jimmy: yeah I can Janis: It's not fair, that's bullshit Jimmy: you hating me is not the same as me not knowing you Janis: maybe i'm being slightly dramatic Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: like I said, don't matter Janis: No Janis: Shut up being annoying Janis: let's go to the party Jimmy: I don't reckon that's a good idea Janis: Why not Jimmy: not in the running for an oscar, are we? Janis: alright Janis: i'll go by myself i guess Jimmy: that's a worse idea Jimmy: get it together, Jasmine Janis: Why? Jimmy: You're a pisshead & you need me Janis: 😑 Janis: well then you have to come Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: when? Janis: Whenever you've done what you've gotta do at Home Janis: I'm already on the bus to get the keys Jimmy: I just have to get the bribes in Jimmy: come with Jimmy: we can get drinks for the party or whatever Janis: I get it, all the sugar Janis: alright Janis: just don't try to palm me off with alcopops Jimmy: piss off would I Jimmy: I don't hate you Janis: tah 😏 you do reckon I can't handle my drink though Janis: which is just untrue Jimmy: you couldn't Jimmy: that's all I've got to go off Jimmy: prove me wrong tonight if you're that mad 'bout it Janis: What did I do? Janis: because I have evidence of YOU licking MY face, thanks snapchat Jimmy: FOR snapchat Jimmy: you were being nice to me when the camera weren't on Janis: How dare I 🙄 Janis: make it sound like I was tryna jump you Jimmy: nowt like that Jimmy: you were just Jimmy: fuck knows, mate Janis: ominous Janis: maybe i won't drink Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: challenge turned down? 👌 Janis: 😠 No Janis: you got me paranoid now though Jimmy: not trying to get in your head so I'll win or owt Jimmy: nah Janis: 😒 Jimmy: for real though that weren't how I wanted that to sound Jimmy: it was fun Jimmy: you weren't a total dickhead like usual, that's it Janis: so what you're really saying is Janis: I should make a habit of it? Janis: cool Janis: I thought you meant I was white girl wasted then I'd have to kms, obviously Jimmy: I'm saying if I were gonna hate you, I couldn't then 'cause you were alright Jimmy: calm down Janis: Awh babe Jimmy: what the fuck is white girl wasted? Janis: If Gracie or any of her mates are at this party, hopefully not, you'll get to see Janis: the girls who are screaming 'this is my song!' to every other shit song Janis: and lose their shoes and shit and end up sobbing hysterically on a poor bouncer or something Jimmy: that don't exist up north, lasses drink like lads Jimmy: I'll have to take you Jimmy: learn something, Jemima Janis: you can't say the north has a better drinking  culture than ireland Janis: that's literally all we're known for excuse you Jimmy: I reckon I just did Jimmy: am I gonna get cursed now? Janis: Think you're gonna get deported so you'll be buzzin' on that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: they aren't gonna be at the party are they? Janis: Nah, would've seen all the annoying getting ready and pre-drinks stories by now Jimmy: thank feck as you 🍀 say Jimmy: fun as it'd be to get that angry vein going in Mia's head again Janis: Please never say that again but do 'cos I wanna hear wtf it'd sound like in your accent 😂 Janis: she's DYING for round two Jimmy: I'll whisper it in your ear later if you pretend I'm saying something #goals Janis: Deal Jimmy: Just don't piss yourself laughing I don't need everyone reckoning my chat is that bad Janis: 🎭 Janis: I'll be so into it it'll be awkward for everyone else Janis: 💪 Jimmy: yeah alright Jane fonda just try & look like you're dying for round two 😍💕 Jimmy: maybe there'll be a room we can fake fuck in Janis: What are house parties for Janis: besides easier underage drinking, obviously Jimmy: as long as Mia ain't there to listen at the door Janis: I refuse to fake an orgasm for her the cunt you'd have to actually just fuck me Jimmy: I'll just take you home if she shows up Jimmy: pretend like I'm anti-fucking in strangers houses Jimmy: like its a northern thing or summat Janis: 😂 Polite, very anti-you Janis: but it works Jimmy: there's only so much convincing fakery I could let you do before it'd just sound hot Jimmy: not part of the deal for me to be into it Janis: Yeah Janis: Only human Jimmy: 🐍 quota in these parts is full Janis: Truly Janis: Don't tell Paddy, he'll be fuming Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: better get more smokes if you're sharing Jimmy: remind me Janis: Should get my own, least pay you half Jimmy: call it my being a dickhead tax Jimmy: besides, people were into it Jimmy: new #goals Janis: You make it look good Janis: no one needs to know you get out of breath on a dog walk Jimmy: you give then you take away Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: next time tweet the first bit & leave off the second Janis: I already did that story, no caption necessary Janis: can't have you thinking I'm too nice again and going weird on me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: Are we meant to do getting ready snaps or are you not white enough? Janis: God no Janis: 'less we're being all extra about how much we don't wanna leave bed, like Jimmy: we could Jimmy: I zip up your...dress? but you take off my shirt Jimmy: make it sexy Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😂 Janis: this is just going to get confusing Janis: end up leaving half undressed but not in the intentional way Jimmy: no then? Janis: nah, we can Janis: means having to take less there so we can lowkey have a decent time still Jimmy: almost like you now Jimmy: 'cause that's a top plan Janis: Gimme time Janis: not a fan of almosts like go all in and hate me or you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: what are you wearing not heavy breathing way? Jimmy: in a* Janis: Thanks for clarifying Janis: I put a few options in my bag, I'd ask a girl but you know Janis: You'll have to do Jimmy: I am out of breath but 🚬 not burning desire Jimmy: piss off I'm better Jimmy: I'll tell you what looks hot Jimmy: 😍 not bitchy side eye Janis: #truelove Janis: #lastsalifetime #inyourlungs Janis: Good, can always get that from your sister if I'm missing it Jimmy: You're getting too decent at #s gonna have to dump you 💔 Janis: #damn Jimmy: Stop Janis: #gonnamissmewhenimgone Jimmy: #Janis please Jimmy: if you make me laugh I could keel over 🚬 remember Janis: When bae calls you a health risk 😍 Jimmy: #goals right Jimmy: love you so much its gonna kill me Janis: mhmm Janis: i told ya, just got the organ wrong Janis: no 💔 going for the lungs Jimmy: just leave my 🍆 out of it & like my head I ain't too concerned Jimmy: least I got a pair of lungs Janis: are you saying i have 🍆 envy Janis: cos that's even older than the dyke line tbh i expect better from you Jimmy: let me know when I streak through the party Janis: 😂 Janis: Will do Jimmy: don't say nowt if you don't 'cause 💔 Jimmy: it ain't my party to cry at Janis: Poor boy Janis: Just tryna seem nonchalant 'cos already meant to have seen it, duh Jimmy: try & seem 😍 like you can't get enough of it though Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Okay you want drooling Janis: got it Jimmy: if you can Janis: Don't doubt me, just your ability to bring it Janis: kinda cold Jimmy: where I'm from this is summer temps Jimmy: don't worry 'bout me, girl Janis: Then we won't have a problem Jimmy: nah Jimmy: & if anyone asks, I'm thinking 'bout you #muse Janis: I think they'll have more pressing questions Janis: like, what the fuck? Jimmy: that's how it is in 🍀 Jimmy: boring feckers Janis: 😂 Janis: maybe after you've been there and had a few Jimmy: I won't find them boring? Jimmy: or I will Janis: saying you taking your kit off would be craic and not a sign of something wrong Janis: they'll still be pretty dry Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: can I leave here yet? it's rivaling in the boredom stakes Jimmy: come back Mia, some mildly annoying shit you've done is forgiven Jimmy: nowt else Janis: Shh Janis: come meet me off bus Janis: #romance Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you sold it to me Janis: 💕 Soft Jimmy: give me the kiss of life if I look like I'm going Jimmy: 'cause you know I'll 🚬 & walk Janis: 😏 Janis: Giving the OAPs on here a show Jimmy: love our new audience 💕 Janis: always a bitchy one though, i 👀 you grandmia Jimmy: probably is her nan Jimmy: does she have a face like 🍋 Janis: Chewing wasps forreal Janis: though I think Mia just rose up from the pits of hell by herself so Jimmy: get her number for my ex Janis: 😂 Janis: so thoughtful Jimmy: her status updates have been harrowing mate Jimmy: reckon Barry's playing away 💔🎻 Janis: Oh no Janis: typical Barry move Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: near end of life crisis Janis: Stop making me laugh I'm getting looks Jimmy: payback for before when you near ended my life Jimmy: could be worse least I'm not turning you on with the mention of him Janis: War flashbacks, like Jimmy: you got it, JoJo Janis: 💔 Janis: I don't get it but you do you Janis: true love and all that, I guess Jimmy: You don't get wanting to fuck an old bloke? Jimmy: Me either Janis: 😏 OMG we get it, you're straight Janis: it's me they got the questions about, not you Jimmy: so far Jimmy: but Pete is gonna need consoling for his 💔 Janis: 🙄 don't drag me into this Janis: find yourself a girl and him a mans Jimmy: so nah to the threesome? 👌 I'll let him know Janis: You don't wanna see his cum face Jimmy: I'll look at the back of his head Janis: Alright, glad you've worked out the logistics Janis: be rude to make him stay under the pillow Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in or out? Janis: whey Janis: long as it don't count 'cos threeways don't Jimmy: 'course Janis: 👍 Jimmy: #romance Janis: you know it Janis: real test faking it to that level, no matter how thick he is Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: we've got this baby 💕 Janis: Poor Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you see me yet? Janis: Hold on, lemme try and remember what you look like Jimmy: You ain't that good at faking it, Justine Jimmy: #unforgettable Janis: You'll be huffy when you find me chatting to the wrong white boy Jimmy: Nah I'll just smack him Jimmy: #goals like Janis: 😏 Janis: There you are Jimmy: 😘

[blogocrap]

PLOT PART 4

Sam: It would seriously bother Feb that she didn't know all of that

Satan: The last entry would be the plan to rescue feb and coming to terms with the fact that there was only one ending. Her arrest, and honestly she thought she would die that day. The town was in Narcis' pocket and she had a price on her head it was shocking to her she survived

Satan: but honestly there would be a lot of scarring awful shit in there and it would be all the shit she didn't want to tell Feb because it was disturbing and upsetting on so many levels

Sam: Yeah

Satan: Em did horrifying things to survive in those two years and she didn't tell Feb not just because it makes her accessory to a shit ton off felonies

Satan: but because she's so fucking ashamed

Sam: Damn

Satan: not prostitution

Satan: I just realized it sounded like that

Sam: Did it?

Sam: I assumed like torture etc

Satan: she was mildly involved in it but very little

Satan: There was a lot of theft. A lot of dumpster diving for scraps. A lot of begging.

Satan: Her pride took some serious hits

Satan: and then there's shit like when Narcis tortured her

Satan: more than once

Satan: Plus shit like when she got shot the first time

Satan: she tried to pray because she had no pain killers and the girl had zero pain threshold back then

Satan: Narcis pressed so hard on the wound she passed out

Sam: Shit bruh

Satan: never allowed her pain killers

Satan: she got shot three times in two years

Satan: Up probably gives the journal to Feb after they haven't been talking for 1-2 weeks

Satan: because Up read it and learned shit not even he knew and while Em never would have allowed it had she known

Satan: Feb's name comes up a lot

Sam: Yeah

Satan: even in those two years she's thinking about her. where she is, and what she's doing and hoping she's not too worried and always thinking of her

Satan: okay no but say Feb read the journal and she goes to talk to Em about everything

Sam: Yes

Satan: and they talk and they're getting on somewhat less rocky terms

Satan: and they seem like they're about to make amends and that's when Up comes to collect Em for the tribunal

Sam: Oh dear

Satan: Feb waiting for them to come back and when Up comes back with Em she's just silent and Up looks like if he grinds his teeth any harder they're going to crack

Satan: and Up just asks to speak to Feb outside for a minute

Satan: because he doesn't think Em wants to hear it again

Sam: Oh god

Satan: that and he doesn't think Feb is gonna take it well

Sam: No she will not

Satan: and that comes as a shock to… no one

Satan: out of curiosity

Satan: scale of 1-10

Satan: how upset is krayonder that he wasn't told the entirety of the plan for dangerous rescue mission? (i.e. that Em was going to kill everyone in the building no prisoners, that the building was being set on fire after, and that Em was being arrested after)

Sam: 10

Satan: is there a particular part that pisses him off more than anything?

Satan: I am honestly just curious

Sam: That he wasn't told, that so much damage and destruction had to happen

Satan: Em is going to explain why they had to die and the building had to be burned before her arrest

Satan: She was cutting off the head of the hydra and she was setting fire to the wound so it wouldn't grow back

Satan: She knows how bad they are, what they're capable of. the horrors they've committed and a part of her is like I should be dying here too and finishing the job

Satan: but she knows that there's no way in hell any of the team would allow that

Satan: however I'm guessing if Kray knew there was a plan in place for Em to get arrested at the end he would try to fight it

Sam: Yeah he would

Satan: hence why no one is told about that part of the plan

Satan: Taz is probably the only one who would be remotely on board with it

Sam: It's such a mess

Satan: but even then I'm not sure because Up has pieces of the picture no one else has

Satan: I honestly am curious how the hell Kray and/or Feb think they could manage to get Up to not arrest Em when Em is obviously cooperating and not even remotely struggling

Sam: Idek

Satan: tbh to cut down on protesting while they're in the building em probably just lies and is like look this is a show in case there's cops outside. Happy?

Satan: then when they get back to the starship: 'I lied.'

Sam: Fuck me man that'd mess with Feb

Satan: Em would need them not freaking the fuck out when they're making a break for the ship

Satan: and she'd be honest about it and even maybe talk to Up and be like since this was my idea and it's all voluntary can we lose the cuffs for a few minutes so I can explain shit?

Satan: at least like a brief overview

Sam: Yeah

Satan: out of curiosity

Satan: Em and Kray aren't too terribly close but would he still visit her at least once?

Sam: Maybe once

Satan: Em would be low-key surprised cause tbh she expects maybe three visitors

Satan: Feb, Tootsie, and maybe Taz once just as a you fucked up (in case she doesn't already know)

Sam: Yeah

Satan: It ends with a lot of bodies, three broken hearts, possibly disabled Feb (not decided yet) and Em on death row so… yeah

Satan: oh dead god

Satan: Taz is probably gonna be on the mission

Satan: sorry Feb you're gonna die

Sam: Noooo

Sam: Oh well

Sam: It was a good run

Satan: Em and Taz will be too busy fighting over how to do shit

Satan: where'd feb get shot again

Sam: In the side, by her chest or abdomen

Satan: gotcha

Satan: alright Taz is on the rescue team

Sam: Oh dear Feb is dead

Satan: nah I think they can manage

Satan: holy shit

Sam: ?

Satan: Taz is gonna be getting involved in the pardoning process

Sam: Omg

Satan: yeah

Satan: Em is really just sort of

Satan: jaw hanging open

Satan: wat

Satan: so Taz does not get to know about the arrest until it happens

Satan: so that's gonna smack everyone in the face