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#so its a lot but i know ill be around to write
bravegroupie · 11 months
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a   note   that   i   have   not   forgotten   newt   !   life   has   taken   a   hectic   turn   now   that   i   bought   a   house   ,   so   it's   hard   to   focus   on   more   than   one   blog.   he's   already   low   activity   so   i'll   appear   when   time   allows.   thanks   for   understanding   !
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faaun · 5 months
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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devondespresso · 2 years
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i was reading a scoops era steddie au where eddie visits scoops often and one thing i noticed i alway want but have yet to see (bear in mind my fic pallette is basically just shit i see on Tumblr and occasionally reading every fic a certain author has written) is a specific scene of eddie noticing stobins missing when he goes to visit them at scoops the day theyre stuck in the bunker. cause they entered the bunker after a shift one night and didn't get out until at the soonest the next afternoon right before the mall closes so if either or both of them were scheduled to work then they'd be just... gone.
and how characters around them handle that depends on how soon (if at all) they're declared missing. did robin think they'd be in-and-out in their snooping and tell her parents shes be back a little late or did she think they'd be out kinda late fucking around and just lied to her parents telling them shes sleeping over at a friend's like how we know tina was going to cover for erica? did mrs Henderson freak out when Dustin didn't bike back home (knowing what happened with will) or did she know he was with steve and trusted that they were goofing off or something?
and usually i see Steve's parents not being home but what if they were?? they could panic because steve always has some sort of excuse for why hes gone or maybe just his mom starts worrying because while his dad never really asks about him she does and she knows hes probably not at some girls house right now because he at least would have told her. or maybe mrs harrington doesn't know her son as well as she thinks she does and assumes he is out at some girls house and is relieved hes finally getting to be more like himself.
maybe just one or two people in scoops troop are reported missing that night and maybe the search started for them is enough for the other's parents or friends to realize they're all missing. maybe none of them are because they each already had a coverup with the people who'd notice. maybe they spent a good few hours in that elevator regretting lying about where they'd be because now no one knows they're in danger and by the time they start looking it could be too late (obviously erica didn't seem to grasp this yet but shes literally 10 and it's definitely her fist severely traumatic life or death experience. for the others tho it could definitely be on their minds and i have seen a few fics where robin wonders about how steve and Dustin are reacting like they've done scary shit like this before together)
then morning comes and id give it until lunch with no calls or anything before parents who believed their kids were sleeping over to start worrying seriously. maybe they call the friend their child's supposedly with and get a confused parent saying they haven't seen them or maybe they get the friend picking up and confirming they're fine (like tina). but if Mrs Henderson gets worried and calls steve she'll either get the harringtons saying he isn't home right now or she won't be able to reach him. and knowing steves like a big brother and a best friend to dustin knows that if steve missing too he's probably at least missing with him and goes to the station worried about them both
and then theres the fact that scoops has to open in the morning, probably sometime around 10am. maybe steve and robin were scheduled to both work again and as 10am comes and passes scoops ahoy hasn't been touched. maybe some mall manager calls the scoops manager (forgive me ive never worked in a mall but i do work in a store-within-a-store and we have our own manager plus the big store manager) and asks where their employees are. if missing persons reports were filed that last night then the manager would be really worried while frantically trying to find someone to cover for them. but maybe no one knows they're missing yet and their manager is grumbling about their no-shows, maybe considering firing them for both disappearing without even calling out. depending on how much they know and if the reports were filed, whoever has to cover their shifts is either worried about their coworkers (probably moreso robin than steve because of his reputation) or utterly pissed that they both didn't show and they have to open scoops ahoy with a few hours delay and probably a good few karens bitching about being closed. or maybe one or the other was scheduled and while their no-show is really inconvenient at least someone's there to open and ask for backup
and then theres steves car still parked in the back where it was the day before. a bike left behind at the mall is less eyebrow-raising but a fancy car? Steve Harrington's car? Steve Harrington who was scheduled to work today but somehow isn't in scoops right now? is he skipping work while simultaneously wandering around his workplace? and whats worse is despite evidence being there *no one can find him*. maybe thats what it takes for people to realize hes like actually missing. maybe they think he was kidnapped, hopefully he just went home with some girl and lost track of time.
and then theres eddie. eddie whos been stopping by scoops for a while now. maybe he still doesn't really like Harrington but likes teasing him with Buckley or maybe they've gotten pretty close. maybe they're already dating. maybe eddie walks up to scoops one morning to find it closed or to find that one or the other didn't show up for work this morning. maybe he hears from the worker that ones missing or maybe they get a rant about how pissed the worker is to be opening alone. maybe he's the one to go to a mall manager or security officer worried about scoops being closed because he *knows* the people that are supposed to be there right now and they don't just abandon work at the same time with no explanations.
or maybe eddie visits in the afternoons and learns they're missing from their coworkers or maybe hes there because he saw it on the news and went on his our hunt. either way it'd probably end with Eddie looking around the mall for them because he knows steve isn't going to just abandon his beemer in a busy public parking lot. maybe he finds them high out of their minds while checking the movie theatre (this one i do see a lot and am obsessed with its so good) or maybe he doesn't find them at all (its a big mall and they are actively hiding from Russians who know they escaped. sure stobin are not being very secretive while high but dustin and erica are at least keeping them in less-discoverable locations). maybe he goes home knowing hes looked everywhere in that damn mall and assumes they're probably kidnapped and taken somewhere else (if he did find them tho that opens a whole can of worms for if, how, and how much eddie gets involved and while my brains gone down sone of those rabbit holes i don't think i will today)
and then they see the news about the mall fire. and eddie knows damn well that he looked everywhere in that mall but didn't see a trace of his friends but there they are on the news and apparently in the fire. maybe eddie assumes he didn't look hard enough. but maybe he sees how steves the only one with more than a few bruises on his legs, how despite them claiming he was trapped in rumble that also allegedly killed billy hargrove he looks like hes carrying himself on adrenaline alone and hovering around robin and the kids like something more than falling support beams could get to them. maybe its the fact that he look as shit as he did but wasn't laying down on a hospital stretcher like he would be if he just got those wounds.
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hi if you saw any typos no you didn't UNLESS theyre funny or actually concerning then you should tell me and i can react appropriately
also i swear i feel like doctor strange looking through every possible reality when i go on tangents like this. idk whenever i come up with little fics in my head or come up with different ways my favorite unfinished fics could end im always exploring as many different versions of the same scenario as i can and coming up with as many what-ifs as i can.
also i pressed the poll button by accident while making this and idk how to make it go away to we're trying just ignoring it and not writing anything in it to see if it goes away
actually fuck that it probably wont work so im adding a poll question as a treat for the people who read this far
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3-aem · 1 year
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You do not deserve ANY of the shit you're getting. You're a legend for putting up with all this
yea ur right i am a legend weaker men would have crumbled but im still here fighting fighting for what say it with me
gj’s boobs
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kurthorton-moving · 7 months
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i miss. the vibes of the rpc a few years back
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dullahandyke · 11 months
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Anyway needless to say, college is showing me a whole slew of people who are using laptops in school for the first time and they're so bad at it. They're so bad at taking notes too. They're so bad at everything
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ofcowardiceandkings · 25 days
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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bismuthburnsblue · 2 months
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genuine question, have you guys been liking (or even just reading) the posts where i explain what ive been doing/what i plan to do? or would you prefer i just kept it to "heres where im at" posts?
i wont be offended if yall dont like all the talking! theres a lot of it. if i really wanna explain something i will regardless (itll just be for me personally) but if its not interesting i wont explain every little thing im doing. and if it is maybe ill try and do it more (or at least. better. more polished)
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this is such an indulgent au I made for myself that's not even related to selfshipping but i love to imagine the dexholders in a filipino school setting where some of the kids are part of the class officers and this is definitely based on my irl experiences with my old class when I was elementary to... freshman. <3
#ill just ramble in the tags from here on out#the class batch counts from the kanto to the hoenn dexholders - since they're all the most tied to one another#the officer list might change but the ones ive definitely settled were like#blue. he's the president of the class - he's quiet smart but handsome and would be a teacher's pet because he's also oak's grandson#red is vice president - he's a goofy compared to blue but he still has that vibe of someone you can absolutely rely on (and he does it)#would sometimes get told off by blue for being too carefree with his duties but they still go well together as a duo#i think i wrote secretary for crystal!! since crystal would definitely have a lot of biodata on her pokemon#it's only natrual that she'd be pretty good at being a secretary#in my class being a secretary means to keep track of students' attendances and names - basically writing a lot of things!#she's the smartest i like to think shes probably in the same ranking as blue (high honor students)#red is around the middle#green is the treasurer! (i was the treasurer last school year actually)#now i know this ones such a wild one because green is noctorious for being a good thief but that also means you cant outsmart her with money#and she's sure to keep the money safe. maybe she would spend the money secretly for her personal wants but she refills the amount she paid#<- i totally did that. nobody from my class knows me here so i can say this with full confidence AKSJSJAJJSJSJD#except its not for personal its for emergency LMAO like getting plete for tricycle n shit#looking at my notes apparently i wrote that sapphire and gold should be sergeants - i mean. i mean they can do the job but like#they're also kinda. insane so like - that's gonna be funny#sergeants are supposed to watch for their classmate's misconduct or stop anyone from fighting or whatever#that's all i wrote - i left the rest blank#about sapphire - i totally see her in my old classmate who was crazy about anime boys (except its franticshipping)#she's aggressive (to boys especially) but she also gets super UWU OMG KYAA BOYS <3 bitch THAT'S LITERALLY SAPPHIRE AND RUBY#that girl also acts tsundere at times so like. yeah you're sapphire coded girlie#ok thats all....#i kept this au to myself for like 2 months now PGPPTPTPTPGTP#pokespe hours#🍀 jil's rambling
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themyscirah · 6 months
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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bpdonnie · 7 months
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over the years ive noticed that a lot of fandom discourse is just people pointing out something that's part of a character's personality but sometimes exaggerating it a little bit bc why not, n then people getting mad at others for that n calling it "out of character"
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gothamcityneedsme · 1 year
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ok tbh.  as i continue to have more Positive Pride Thoughts, as was my resolution for pride this year, i think i want to emphasize my birom status more, because personally...thats what really matters most to me?  i come out as bi to normies so i dont have to explain things, but being a birom ace is really just.  vital to my being, idk.  i usually say ‘im ace’ when talking about myself but thats just really not accurate. i am BIROM ACE.  that is what MATTERS to me.
#shitpost#again. i never talk about this stuff so posting is weird#but i PROMISED myself id start writing and trying to articulate some of this#and my tumblr diary really is the best place to do so lol#i love being in love and the first time i fell in love i was four years old and i remember it clearly lol#and of course ive fallen so many times since then too.  its easy! its beautiful!  i love being in love!#and thats important to me!  its so important and i feel like i let it get washed away in the assumptions people usually make about aces#(and those are exhausting but i Promised i wouldnt talk about that stuff. i will  NOT get negative this year!)#just.  i am biromantic!!!!! being biromantic is important to me!! the MOST important even!#i knew i was birom when i was in elementary school!  i have always spoken of my future partner in bi terms.#(tho as anyone around normies its easy to accidentally speak in a comphet kinda way so often it would be like.  'future husband...OR WIFE')#like i just would add it hastily in afterwards#because i really did! always know!!! even from a very young age i talked like that!#(i was fortunate to know a gay couple before i even knew what gay or queerness really meant.  so it always felt normal to me.)#(i know that is not a lot of people's experiences)#but yeah.  ok. im done.  just trying to make a post about this stuff that has been swimming in my head#before pride month is up#im not against posting more in general but.  i sortof really wanted tot ry to talk during pride#and afterwards ill go back to my usual self haha
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orcelito · 1 year
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Ok there r some pretty big things I wanna fix with the first chapter of ITNL, but I don't rly have the brain for that. Putting it on the backburner.
Might fuck around with chapter 2 tho. Just maybe.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#desperately need a revamp for chapter 1 bc it's good at its core but it was also written and posted all in one day#and U can tell. a lot of early itnl was like that.#man at this rate im treating the fic as a whole like a WIP chapter#aka im going to be going thru it all and doing incremental changes and touch ups#all in this separate doc. current version of itnl will remain until i have it all smoothed out#ill let u guys know when i actually get around to doing the mass edit changes#again im not changing the overall structure of the story. just addressing some internal inconsistencies#and canon innacuracies#so like itnl is good as it is but im going to make it Better.#the perfectionist in me is showing its colors lol. but 75k isnt that big of a deal to edit tbh#especially since everything's already passed the general grammar and wording edits#taking things from passable to Great#yes this is making itnl 15 take longer than otherwise. but i think itll be worth it.#given that ive recently reread trimax in its entirety#there are a lot of things i remember better. so a lot of things to fix with itnl.#plus im in a better state of mind to dig my fingers into the grit of it and write things Well#getting back into the ITNL story by improving it so that it's the best it can be.#which will get me back into the groove of it. so when it comes time to write itnl 15#im going to be a well-oiled machine. and i can churn out something that does the chapter justice.#this is a major turning point of the story. i Have to do it justice.#all i ask is that readers be patient. xoxoxo love y'all
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elegyofthemoon · 1 year
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In the cool, plush core of the moon sleeps a mouse as we speak, dreaming of a world lush and green, then golden and undulating, then chopping and churning, a world of many surfaces with skies of many moods.
When it awakes, it will poke its tiny head out of a crater and bask in your glow as it does every morning. Here, all is still and silent. On that sparkling planet in the deep black distance, the sun seems capricious. But the mouse lives in the abyss of the body and therefore with a unique perspective on its essence. The mouse sees what other life does not see.
One needn't worry about unbecoming for the sake of containing a sun. Clouds may blanket the atmosphere of a planet, but still there burns a sun. The spots on the sun's surface may grow and shrink and shift, but still there it burns. And if one decides to cool it down like a waning flame or expand it in a cataclysmic supernova, still there it burns, and one has the right to revoke the state of their existence and become new.
Because perhaps the truth is you are not the sun--not alone--but it is rather a part of you. Your body is the solar system, each planet a world within the body, and each knows this glow in different ways. Some are nurtured by its warmth, others by its distance. Regardless of the sun's changes, they stay the course encircling it.
The universe cannot be held back, harnessed, fully comprehended. It pulls at the seams of solar systems as it pulls on its own seams. In that unstoppable shifting, we stumble. Sometimes it feels like our love and light slips from our fingers, shattering irrevocably in our falls. But what makes us cannot be seperated from us, even in times where our essence is obscured.
There is always another life to appreciate your life, no matter what happens. And in the least, there is always a little mouse in you that understands you in telescopic clarity and offers forgiveness for every change--no matter what, right into the end of time.
#answered#this was sitting in my inbox for a little while#and i wanted to answer properly but i fear that responding back is a little...hard#not that i dont want to its more like this was so prettily written and just so beautiful i fear if i responded id just ruin it lol#so im responding in the tags bc i feel better about doing that#i appreciate whoever decided to write all this up and leave it here for me it means a lot#more vent in the tag#not really vent but ig just reflective i suppose with the last week:#i think i may have actually talked about it before but you have no idea how happy i am with just. the people im surrounded with these days#because even if im going through something ill always push my feelings down in order to make someone else happy#because idc what happens to me overall. if i can make someone else happy thats all that matters#but ik a lot of people take advantage of it so when something bad happens when im unable to help someone they used to get mad at me for it#so more reasons to kinda push my feelings aside to cater to them etc etc etc#but i think the past week has been nice too in realizing that the people around me are patient and just overall kind -- not really expectin#much of me#ig theres this understanding that we all have busy lives now and maybe thats just the gift of maturity as a whole#even if im not the super positive or comforting presence people put me as at least people still care and thats how i know im loved at least#ig in a way this ramble is just a very big thank you to everyone for that#theres a lot of kindness and warmth in this ask that i appreciate and only want to spin back to friends. i hope they can feel it#or that it reaches them#anons#kind messages
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spiderrrling · 2 years
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basic information about me and writing, if you ask me to critique your writing and then get upset when im not just singing you praises that's a waste of time and effort
if you want to know what's good then ask specifically what do you think is good, there's no shame in wanting to know what you do well
but critique is both what's good and what can be improved
there's always room for improvement in writing
if you're gonna ask me specifically for feedback, don't be upset when that's what i give you
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zannolin · 2 years
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good evening (it is 10:27am), zanna zannolin, from yours truly: pass anon. funny seeing you ‘round these parts… it has been a while, old friend.
just wanted to pop in and say that, while it seems we’ve both mostly moved on from mcyt/dsmp, i had quite a good time being my natural self (evil) and holding dramatic, personal grudges against you. :’) truly the end of an era. i hope to find plenty of things of yours to take issue with in the future, as well. (listen, i grind for two things and two things exclusively: long-accumulated resentment and clout.)
genuinely, though, good luck with college and with balancing work! you’ve got this. :’) o7
pass anon my old frenemy i'm so glad to know you're still kicking around. you have made me smile many a time.
i'm not sure there's so much balancing going on as there is being crushed by the weight of my responsibilities but yknoooow i have. i have hannibal episodes to keep me going. do it for him (will graham autism king) and all that.
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