#so it’s kind of funny considering how i’m constantly thinking about the present day versions of freedom guy and victim making out LMAOOOOOO

[hazardsk8r]

i think my favorite part about the exes freevic ship is the fact that in my fanon au, freedom guy is the only motherfucker who knows what victim is capable of when they put their mind to it.

freedom guy left because he knew that if he continued to pressure victim into seeking help because of victim’s alarming behaviors, then nothing will come of it and their relationship will end in a much more worse fate than just a bad break up.

but even so, he still hoped that victim would seek help on their own volition. until he starts seeing people come up to him, telling him rumors about victim’s sinister revenge plot and their intentions with it.

and with the history he has with victim, he just believes it… and honestly? he doesn’t feel all that bad for victim anymore.

he feels bad for the stickfigure that got hurt all those years ago, the figure that got mistreated horribly at the hands of their creator…

not the figure that lashes out at other innocent figures and refuses to admit when they have a problem theirself.

[writertitan]

have you eve done the fluff alphabet before? They can be kind of long but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Levi!

this is so cute, i’ve never done a fluff alphabet! this is the one i’ve seen go around by @snk-warriors​ (so cute thank u for sharing)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think Levi is the type of partner who starts up a new hobby with a partner as a way of bonding with them. Like, the two of you just get super into candle-making together lmao. I think he’d want to spend most of his free time with his partner, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. He really appreciates feeling safe with his person and relishes in the mundane.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. Levi doesn’t really have a physical type. He really pays attention to people’s character first. He would really admire how his partner is constantly trying to be their best self, and admires their strength, and he thinks it’s beautiful that they can see the good in life, because it helps him see the good in life too. He would absolutely love the most random parts of your body, though. Maybe it’s your cheekbones, maybe it’s the shape of your hands. Something that he thinks is so unique to you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Levi is not a man of many words a lot of the time, but he is a man of action. If his partner is feeling down in any way, he’s there physically to help you through it. Over time, he makes little mental notes of what seems to help and what doesn’t, so that he can continue doing the things that help you and stop doing the things that don’t. If you prefer just being held for a while, no talking, he catches on quickly and offers himself up. If you need to talk, he listens and makes sure you know you’re the only thing in the world he’s paying attention to at that moment. He’ll know how you’ve calmed yourself down in the past, before he was in the picture, and takes up that ritual himself. Did you make yourself some mac and cheese to cheer yourself up in the past? He knows the recipe now, too. Very action-based man.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Levi, especially canon Levi, has trouble envisioning any sort of long-term future for himself. He’s just living his life one day at a time and pushing through. However, with a partner in his life, he indulges himself with little visions of the future. Things like marriage, children, are blurry wishes to him tbh, not out of the question but things that he won’t allow himself to indulge in. They’re kind of a given if you’re serious, and that’s enough to satisfy him. But near-future things are things he often thinks about. He wants to live with his partner, wants to think about how they’ll spend their next anniversary, he often thinks about what you both will be doing together for the holidays. Those futures comfort him immensely.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I think it is actually rather equal with Levi. He has so much baggage of his own, that a partner willing to share the load would make him feel really safe. But, I think he’d subconsciously be more of the dominant figure. He dedicates himself to his loved ones, and would do anything for them, and his partner would feel that tenfold.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi definitely is an, “I’m too old for this shit” type of guy when it comes to fights with his partner lmfao. He’s not about the dramatics of fighting. I don’t think he’d really ever yell at his partner or vice versa. The fights would have a snarky energy - I can see him snapping at his partner sometimes, or making an infamous sarcastic remark when he’s irritated - but Levi would honestly rather just discuss the problem bluntly and get it out of the way. But my god, the man wouldn’t back down until it was all cleared up.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

SO GRATEFUL. I think Levi would be so thankful to have his partner in his life. He knows he’s a tough nut to crack, so having someone finally get through to him is scary but wonderful. He sees everything you do for him and I think he’d honestly be so emotional about even the littlest things, because he’s so used to taking care of everyone else. It’s almost uncomfortable for him to know that someone is unconditionally loving him, but he’s grateful he has that love. Never takes it for granted.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Per the above, Levi is a tough nut to crack, and I think it would take a really, really long time to fully open him up. Like, a really long time. Honestly, he may not ever completely open up about his past because it can be so dark, but that doesn’t mean that he would actively keep secrets from you. If anything, his partner would know him the best out of everyone. While he may keep some stuff about his past in the dark, everything else is no secret. He’ll tell you about his day, about what’s going on with his friends, all that good stuff.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi with a partner would be a little softer, and a little more optimistic. I also think a big thing that Levi would change would be his ability to compromise (because I think it’s hard for him to compromise). He’d definitely be a lot happier and kinder to himself with a partner around. And, in private, he’d allow himself to be more vulnerable and actually show his emotions. Levi is a pretty level-headed person as well, and I think he would pass that trait on to his partner.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Levi is not a jealous person, but he’s very protective of his partner!! This is the hill I die on!!! He is always looking out for you, so if someone does hit on you, he watches to see how you react. If it’s funny to you, it’s funny to him, but if it’s creepy to you, then he’s already cracking his knuckles.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I don’t want to roast this lovely man but I don’t think he’d be a great kisser at first LMAO. He’s so not used to being loved. Levi is touch-starved, confirmed on Tanny’s blog. I think the first kiss is okay at best, definitely awkward, and Levi definitely doesn’t really know what to do. He’s a quick learner, though. He’s a good kisser in no time, after learning how you like to be kissed, and after finally getting him to believe it’s okay to be affectionate.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I picture it as word vomit (Levi’s version of word vomit tho, which is like, a couple of sentences). He’d confess his feelings for you once he just can’t physically keep the words in anymore. He’d definitely fight against it for a while but then the word vomit happens. I think, specifically, his first “I love you” would be quite intimate and very quiet, just a whisper in your ear when he finally realizes it. Realizing he loves you would be much easier for him than realizing he has feelings for you, so he wouldn’t even hesitate with saying it first, the sweet boi.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I don’t think Levi had ever considered marriage before meeting you. But after meeting you, that would likely change if you wanted to get married. He’d want to spend his life with his partner, and whether that means marriage or not, it doesn’t quite matter to him. Just the promise of being together is good enough for him. If the two of you do decide to get married, it’s no frills. Tbh, there’s no elaborate proposal from Levi, but he makes sure that he formally asks you and that it’s special to the two of you. Maybe he’d ask you at the place you first met/kissed/etc. The marriage itself would be just as lovely and peaceful as the relationship with him beforehand. Not much changes, except both you and Levi acknowledge there’s an added commitment as spouses. I think both of you would really cherish your new titles as spouses.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Levi doesn’t strike me as the type to give their S/O nicknames like babe, baby, etc. but I’m sure he’d have a specific nickname that only he uses for you. Other than that, just calling his partner by their name is enough.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Levi’s quite the stoic man, so while he presents that way to the rest of the world, his loved ones can actually see the difference between an “in love” Levi vs. a “not in love” Levi. It’s not that it’s a huge difference, he’s just softer somehow, and there’s more peace within his eyes, and he even smiles more. Levi’s not a huge fan of PDA, so he’s not prone to showing a lot of affection in front of others. In private, it’s a different story. Once he gets comfortable with affection, he’s more receptive and more giving. In front of others, he’s more comfortable holding hands or putting his hand on your back. He may not be a fan of PDA, but his eyes are on you frequently, and anyone who catches him looking at you can see how much he loves his partner.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Like I said above, not a fan of PDA. Doesn’t mean Levi’s secretive about his relationship at all. He’s proud to have his partner and proud to talk about his partner when the topic comes up. He’d be quite shy/uncomfortable kissing in front of others. Maybe not a fan of kisses on the lips, but he’d be more okay with forehead kisses, cheek kisses, etc.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Levi is so protective over his partner don’t @ me, and it just also means he’s naturally more attentive. He’d notice if your mood changes, he’d notice if something was “off” with you, he’d definitely remember you mentioning wanting something in passing and then gift it for your birthday/Christmas/a random Tuesday like MONTHS later. Memory of an elephant and more tuned into emotions than people give him credit for.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Again, not overtly romantic. Levi is a straightforward person, very practical, and very simple. But he’d give his partner the moon if he could. He believes in making things special, though, so I think he would actually put some thought/creativity in romantic actions rather than going for something cliché.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh absolutely. Levi is so supportive of his S/O and is happy to help with achieving any goal. He truly believes you can do whatever you put your mind to. You could lean on Levi for help with anything. He’s not one to make fun of your dreams. He’d just give his best advice and help you get a move on.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Levi definitely prefers routine. He’s a simple man with simple pleasures, and his whole life has been quite unpredictable, so he really loves the simple things in your relationship. Loves your morning routine, your night routine, loves weekly date nights. Of course, he’d enjoy trying new things with his partner, but he legitimately can’t get enough of what other might see as “mundane” parts of a relationship, because he thought he’d never get to experience that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Levi knows his S/O like the back of his hand. He wants to know everything about them but is also respectful if it takes time for you to open up. He can be empathetic, but it takes time for him to get there tbh. He would be uncomfortable with blatant emotional conversations at first, just give him time. He just wants you to be comfortable with him at the end of the day and vice versa.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Levi’s S/O is so goddamn lucky tbh. He would never, ever take his partner for granted. He’s slow to get the hang of a serious relationship, that’s true, but he’s always trying his hardest to make the relationship be as good as it is. The best part is that Levi doesn’t lose himself in a relationship, however. He values his partner and prioritizes them, but you’d never catch yourself in a codependent relationship with this man. He wants you to be your own person and he wants that for himself, too. You’re one of his most important relationships, if not the most important one, but he understands that you are your own person and he is his own person.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Levi wears a ring with your initials carved on the inside.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, again, not the most blatantly affectionate. In private, he’s more into it. He loves having his arms around you or vice versa. He just likes having the warmth of his partner there, doesn’t need to be something very sexual or very physical.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi would be more irritable if he’s without his S/O for some time imo. Have a week long trip you have to go on? He misses you more and more with each passing day, and he gets bitchier with each passing day. He does take it out on everyone else (poor fellas). If he’s not pissy, he’s otherwise quiet and just focuses on his own stuff until he sees you again.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi is extremely protective of his S/O and would literally put his life on the line for them. He’s kind of dramatic in that way, but he would rather suffer in your place any day. He would do anything for his partner.

[seesgood]

can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick?  not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the  disclaimer  here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change.  think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves. 

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with. 

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool�� --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind. 

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person. 

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad. 

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care. 

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense. 

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people. 

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see. 

[sinnergetreadymp3]

CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC

Uhhhhh I feel like I should give this a title but I have no idea what to call so uh, nevermind !!

Anyways,I finally finished the fic I said I was writing like,a month ago lol. All my Chameron stans out there this one's for u,I rlly hope at least one person enjoys this,I rlly enjoyed writing it !! Ok sappy stuff outta the way,here it is:

As rain pounded against the window Charlie sent what was probably the thousandth crumpled ball of paper across the room.

"Jesus Charlie,is your arm not getting tired?"

Charlie smirked at that, clearly preparing to make a dirty minded joke,but a thoroughly exhausted Richard Cameron was already one step ahead.

"You know what,forget I asked, you're gross."

Getting up from the seat at his desk and ignoring an indignant retort from Charlie, Cameron thought of the rest of his friends,out for the weekend. Todd and Neil celebrating their one year anniversary, Meeks and Pitts embarking on a two day road trip,for what they still claimed to be, entirely platonic reasons (although the rest of the poets were all too aware of the almost palpable romantic tension between them). Even Knox had found something to do with himself on this miserable Friday night.

And here Cameron was,stuck in his dorm with nothing but stacks of extra homework and his obnoxious roommate to keep him company.

Speaking of that obnoxious roommate, "Oh come on Cam,you're not seriously going to bed already,it's barely eight!"

"Shut up Dalton,I'm tired."

Refusing to admit defeat, Charlie sprung from his own bed into Cameron's, attempting to wrestle the poor boy from his comfortable position.

"Charlie,get off you psycho!" Cameron managed to get out, already laughter threatening to give away just how welcome his friend's childish antics were.

After a few more minutes of "fooling around" as Charlie insisted on calling it (mostly because of how profusely it made Cameron blush),the two boys lay breathless beside each other,trying desperately to think of something else to do that would ward off impending boredom.

After a few moments of comfortable silence,Charlie suggested,looking expectantly towards the ginger, "Wanna go to the cave?"

With extreme,mind numbing boredom as motivation, it was inevitable that Cameron would say yes. It certainly helped that Charlie was gazing at him with those oh-so convincing doe eyes of his. Charlie Dalton and his stupid,gorgeous eyes. And his stupid,gorgeous smile,which Cameron was abso definitely not thinking about as he got up and grabbed his coat.

The two boys trudged through the woods,bickering lightly when Cameron complained of the cold that Charlie apparently couldnt feel at all,but always with an unusually friendly air between them. Before long they were sat together in the middle of the cave,sharing an apple that Cameron had managed to salvage from somewhere (a feat Dalton was of course impressed by),and trading stories of girls and parties galore. In Cameron's case, the stories of girls were few and the parties were from years long before even middle school,so Charlie did most of the talking.

After a while though,the boys came to discussing their friends,and the luck they all seemed to have in finding each other so easily. Charlie, ever the romantic,made no waste of his extensive vocabulary,tediously lamenting on all the opportunities of love he had missed and the everlasting loneliness he was doomed to,all because his dashing knight in shining armour would never come to find him and-

"Why dont *you* just find somebody?"

Charlie,still sprawled dramatically over a rock ,and mildly offended at the interruption,indignantly questioned "What do you mean?"

"What I said? You dont just have to wait around for somebody to come find you and fall madly in love. Why don't *you* just find somebody?"

He thought for a moment,taken aback by the ginger's harsh words,but eventually decided to humout him for a moment.

"And where exactly do you suggest I find him then, hm?"

Cameron shifted in his seat,not expecting to be taken seriously and certainly not prepared to be giving advice. Especially not *this* kind of advice. Especially not to *charlie*.

"Well,uh," he looked up to see the other boy looking at him expectantly,with that ever-present smirk on his face that, oddly enough,made Cameron feel a little more comfortable.

"Maybe,you could,I don't know, consider that the guy you're looking for has been here the whole time?"

"Wow Cam,Pittsie and Meeks' radio must've really gotten to you. All those love songs have turned you into a big softie." Charlie joked,grinning and nudging Cameron playfully.

Through a soft laugh,Cameron continued, "No I'm serious man,I think you're making this whole love thing way harder for yourself. I mean- and be honest with me, what's actually wrong with the guys at our school?"

"Other than the fact that about three quarters of them are raging heterosexuals?"

Laughing again,Cameron replied "yeah,other than that."

After about zero seconds of careful consideration,he had come to a conclusion, "Well,I guess nothing,but I dont know? Cameron, I don't see how this changes-"

"It *changes* things because clearly you don't anything about half the guys at our school. And you can't write off people you don't even know." At some point, Cameron had gotten up and started pacing around,but with the end of this triumphant speech,he finally sat down,a little closer to the other boy than he had been before.

Charlie looked across at Cameron and was suddenly met with a wave of fondness. Weird,how all it took was to sit and talk for a while before someone you thought you near hated,started to feel like your favorite person in the world. And,was he going completely crazy or Cameron at his most comfortable, without the fear of a teacher lurking nearby,without the stress of constantly trying to prove himself,was he... A little..... attractive??

All at once,Charlie made a decision,partly to try and prove himself wrong,but also because hey,if Richard Cameron was the surprise love of his life,what better time to figure it out than right now?

"So how,sir Richard Cameron,do you propose I get to know all these charming suitors?"

Cameron, completely in the dark about Dalton's recent epiphany,was still stubbornly trying to explain how much easier Charlie's love life could be,if only he would let it.

"Well,maybe by actually talking to them? Y'know,kind of like,What we're doing right now."

"So,what you're saying is,*you* could be my knight in shining armor," he said with a smirk.

"Well,that's not what-"

"No,no it's fine,as long as we're talking about this version of you. Regular Cameron is kind of a buzzkill but Cave Cam is actually a kind of.... And I can't believe I'm saying this but,in here,like this...well. You're actually a little hot."

After this, overwhelmingly romantic confession, Charlie was certain he had completely stuffed it,and sure enough,

"Gee Charlie,thanks. Really makes me wanna ride into the sunset with you." To say Cam's ego had been hit was an understatement,but before he could make a swift exit from the cave and lock himself,alone,in his dorm for the rest of the weekend,of course Dalton kept talking.

"God,I'm sorry,that was, I have no idea why I said that. I thought I was being funny but out loud- god I'm so sorry," while he had initially been mad,seeing Charlie fucking Dalton blush (and because of *him* no less) was rather funny. And sure,a little cute. So Cameron decided to hear him out.

"Can I start over? You're not saying anything so I'm gonna start over. I,uh, I really do think you're hot. Like really hot. And not just right now,all the time,like that time we were at rowing practice and I started pushing you around and we ended up on the floor and I saw like,a single sliver of skin because your sweater had ridden up,and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day,which I thought was a little weird but then-"

"Uh,I think I get it,Charlie." Now Cameron was the one blushing.

"Uh,sorry. What I meant was,that I *do* think you're hot l-"

"As you've said"

"Yeah,yeah,but it's more than that. Like,when I realized we'd basically be spending the whole weekend alone together,I was actually sorta excited for that,even though I knew I'd just be sitting by you while you did homework the whole time,I like,wanted to do that. And tonight,I haven't talked like this with anyone who isn't Neil like,ever. What I mean is,I guess,is that,I think that uh,"

Deciding to lighten the mood,Cameron tried for a little sarcasm, "Wow,Dalton, stuttering? I must be superman or something."

"I'm trying to be romantic here Carrot top," Charlie said with a grin,

"Listen,I don't really know what I'm doing here,but I think it might be kinda nice if we tried having a little romantic weekend of our own. Just to try it. If it totally sucks we can pretend it never happened and the others don't have to know about it and-"

"Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"Relax," Cameron said with yet another laugh ,he didn't think he laughed like this since... Well,he couldn't even remember.

So with a radiant smile on his face,he said,"A romantic weekend of our own sounds amazing. Gotta warn you tho I'm not a great kisser."

"Well, lucky for you I am a great teacher," Charlie replied,with a somehow even bigger smile on his face than Cameron's,

"Why are you laughing,I *am* a great teacher!" Unfortunately for Charlie,his indignance only made Cameron laugh harder.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"If you shut up and stop laughing,maybe you'll get to." After this was all it took to get the ginger to sober up, the look on his face pushed Charlie to make his final,but (in his opinion) most important decision of the night.It was high time he flirt with Cameron way more often (which was *very* difficult to explain to the other poets,at least the first time).

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

so I wrote most of this...four days ago, and then somehow didn’t get around to finishing it until just now, which feels super weird because after writing this I started getting worried about future episodes again for a variety of reasons, and of course now we’re at T minus 10 minutes? (honestly if I’m somehow late for my own funeral I’m pretty sure no one will be surprised.) but I still wanted to post this to go over some of what I liked so much about episode 4, even if...I am no longer anywhere near as confident as I was a few days ago about where the show might be going. whatever.

***

I’ve done almost nothing for the past day or so except chew over episode 4 some more, partly trying to figure out why I liked it so much when it was broadly very divisive, and I realized that a lot of what I’ve been feeling from this episode is relief.

the thing is I’ve been paranoid since at least Infinity War about Marvel doing setup that looks like it’ll lead to a big payoff and then nothing (Loki’s death, but also Gamora’s and maybe Vision’s, and the general fact that the “fix” to IW was convoluted, took place much later, and caused as many problems as it solved, and just, Endgame in general), so I don’t really trust Marvel that way anymore. plus Marvel has pretty badly fumbled a lot of different things in the past, especially on various social issues, by introducing unfortunate implications that apparently didn’t occur to them even though they’re obvious to literally everyone else...stuff like Thanos’s “sacrifice” of Gamora, or how the Flag-Smashers were portrayed and Karli was a villain for no real reason, or how it would’ve been so easy to add a couple lines in WandaVision that would fix the whole thing where the Maximoffs weren’t just whitewashed but they also voluntarily worked with Nazis and they whiffed that too. 

so, while I’ve been enjoying the show, a lot of that enjoyment has been based on meta I’ve seen and me sort of going “this interpretation is really cool and it makes a lot of sense, but at this point I can’t know if it’s something the showrunners are doing on purpose or if they sorta accidentally implied depth where there wasn’t any and it’s not actually leading anywhere” with things like the TVA being very clearly authoritarian but also supposedly the good guys, Loki being constantly described as an awful person, Loki sometimes being manic or incompetent, etc. etc. etc., along with the similar interpretation of “sure, we fans know all this stuff about how Loki is not an awful person actually, thanks, and the people who arrested him aren’t automatically Good Guys just because they’re in opposition to him but casual viewers--including not-casual-but-not-fannish viewers who should really know better--have not figured any of this out and so the show needs to go out of its way to demonstrate things that are obvious to us” but I wasn’t sure. the second half of episode 1 made me feel pretty good about where the show was headed as far as Loki’s characterization and emotions were concerned, but the more lighthearted aspects of 2 and 3 had me wondering again.

so then what happens in this episode?

the TVA goes fully mask off. the Time-Keepers are in fact fake, the Sacred Timeline by extension is also basically fake, the people who work there are all variants, the ones we know (C-20, B-15, Mobius) show grief and anger over the lives that were stolen from them, Sylvie is arrested as a child who did absolutely nothing wrong (and then put through the same process Loki was in episode 1, which is cool because a lot of it was kinda played for laughs then but showing the same things happening to an innocent child also serves to reframe what happened to Loki as, hmm, not that funny after all maybe!), Renslayer is willing to prune innocent people--friends and coworkers, even--just because they learned too much, all the sinister propaganda WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SINISTER

Loki gets very serious very fast in this episode. he displays a lot of genuine emotion and trauma but he mostly does it in a calculated way that shows just how fast his brain works and how he’s always, always thinking about what other people want/expect from him. (like--even the complaint about too few guards seems to fall into that category, given that he only says it after Mobius insists he must be wanting to make some kind of quip!) his self-image is garbage but through Sylvie he’s starting to maybe work on that. he goes up against multiple armed enemies while completely unarmed and holds his own until he gets a weapon. he pushes back when it matters and doesn’t just accept everything Mobius throws at him. he lies, pretty competently (the fact that Mobius doesn’t believe him is...really not his fault, considering Mobius wouldn’t believe him at first about the truth either, so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t planning to believe anything Loki outright told him), when it actually matters, primarily in what sure seems like an attempt to protect someone he cares about.

and Mobius. says that Loki WAS RIGHT. ABOUT THE TVA. FROM THE BEGINNING!!! I would still love to hear him say explicitly, look, I said a lot of shitty things to you and tossed in some actual physical torture at the end there oops but the vast majority of it was stuff I didn’t really mean and was only saying to get a reaction and/or information and of course it turns out I was wrong about all the TVA stuff, so I want to say for the record that I was wrong about you personally in many different ways and I’m sorry. (which, honestly, would probably be very awkward for both of them because I doubt Loki has much experience receiving genuine apologies.) but I’m mostly okay with it if he doesn’t, because I feel like you were right from the beginning, and by the way you can be whatever you want does a decent job of implying most of that. (...enough for casual viewers to pick up on it? well, I’m not hoping for miracles but sure, probably some of them.)

in other words? all that stuff the casual viewers were missing (not helped by misleading statements from the showrunners), about the TVA so clearly being bad guys, and Loki being a pretty decent person who presents different versions of himself in different situations and also has some shitty coping mechanisms, and the other Loki variant also not being evil just because they were trying to take down the TVA? we were right. that is, in fact, how the showrunners intended all those things to be taken. they didn’t want to come right out with that stuff at first because they wanted to tell a story and have some twists, and the fact that these things were twists for casual viewers is exactly why it was frustrating to a lot of fans, because it felt like obvious things were being misrepresented or overlooked. I still think that’s reasonable, because see above on why Marvel doesn’t necessarily deserve that trust, but at this point I’m a lot more comfortable believing that this specific show more or less knows what it’s doing.

I mean, yeah, there were some cool fan theories that went nowhere, like the whole thing with the broken TemPad, and I agree that was dumb and it’s very annoying that it really was just sloppy writing, but I guess specific things like that just...don’t bother me as much as more systemic, overarching elements like the characterization of Loki and the TVA. and yes, of course I’ll always be annoyed that we’re apparently never going to get explicit confirmation that Loki’s alliance with Thanos was coerced at best. but, you know, what we got isn’t nothing. 

[writingssummit]

𝐛𝐧𝐡𝐚 𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐬 !

bnha as dads!

find the haikyuu version here - haikyuu as dads !

content: fluff, the boys with children, mentions of pregnancy. aged up !

characters: midoriya, todoroki, kirishima, bakugou, 

a/n: ahh, look who’s back to writing once again. sorry to my new followers if posts are scattered from this point on, i’m trying to balance school and classes, the extra workloads are definitely a lot. but i like writing too much, so it might not even matter lol- welcome to chaos, guys. so uh, enjoy the boys as dads! 

midoriya !

okay, this guy would be so nervous on the topic of children.

don’t get me wrong, i know he’s strong and very very capable but you CANNOT tell me he isn’t at least somewhat scared about this.

like, he would want a kid but he could never bring himself to ask or talk about it. he’d get embarrassed, or loose his nerve.

when you guys do have the talk though, it’s a good conversation and you both are able to be very open about everything.

you always knew risks regarding being with Midoriya, and you were okay with it. it would work.

he slowly gains confidence throughout the pregnancy! 

this guy seems like a small family man. maybe 2 kids at most.

I don’t think he’d have a preference for gender.

he is determined to be there for the kid/s, he wants to be present (unlike his own father).

and the fact that he’s a pro-hero makes him worry all the time about that. :(( he’d be pretty busy.

which makes him a bit overbearing as the kid/s start to grow older to make up for when he’s not there, and they probably end up going to you about it.

so you have to talk it out with him ^^;

He honestly is just trying his hardest to not ever be absent. please- izuku

He will go to anything, do anything for his kid/s.

Performances, Recitals, Graduations (even the really lower years), all that.

The ones he can make, at least. 

I feel like the kid/s would love the fact that their dad was a pro hero, and he’s bashful around them for it. aww :)

He does his best to conceal himself a little when he goes out with the kids, just for safety reasons.

You already know Inko is such a good grandma

It’s like a double package

Good dad, good grandma <3

todoroki !

he honestly isn’t comfortable with big families. i’m sure you all know why :(

and to be honest, he’s really scared about being a parent. 

he also thinks that it’s not that logical considering his career

when you mention kids, he falls silent for a moment, which kind of makes you backpedal there

“Ah, nevermind, that’s a dumb question.”

“...I need to think about it.”

It’s okay bby, take your time <3

After that thinking, he decides that he does want to share a family with you!

But again, he’s not going to want a big family.

When your test is positive, all he does is just hold you. He’s happy for you both.

You guys have end up with one kid.

And oh lord, when he first lays eyes on them, he’s in love-

Dad switch turned on.

He’s always there, talking softly to the baby, watching over them, all that. 

He’s so soft and sweet with his interactions. sir- so precious omg

As the kid grows up, that’s when he starts to lose the confidence he had.

Todoroki is of course present, but he’s very hesitant with interactions every once in awhile.

You and him talk about it one night, where he ends up coming clean about what he’s been keeping inside.

“I’m worried I won’t be a good father.”

Todoroki :( my heart hurts

You tell him that he’s not like his own father at all, and you know that he’s a good guy.

“They love you, and you’re so good to them. You’ll never be like your dad, because you’re Shoto. A good man, and a good hero. I love you, okay?”

He needed that very badly

Your kid’s quirk develops and ends up being an ice related quirk.

He tries to show up to important events, and whenever he does, all the people are of course shook LMAO

I mean, Pro Hero Shoto is here ???

Natsu and Fuyumi are the best aunt and uncle, prove me wrong (please don’t JSJSjsj).

There are some things to overcome with him, but you’re always going to be there for him through it all <3 and he appreciates that.

bakugou !

OOOOO boy. Where do I begin with this man

He doesn’t hate kids, but mans probably doesn’t want them for real for real. Like, did you see how he handled those kids in highschool? LMAO

He comes around eventually, you don’t push it of course, but you know that you want to have a family with him.

He’s mellowed out in his older age, thankfully

He still has his spunk though, don’t get me wrong here!

Pregnancy test comes in positive when he’s on the job, and he doesn’t find out until he comes home really late, 

“The hell? Why didn’t you call??”

“I did, dumbass.”

He totally had his phone on silent nsjsjs he seems like that kind of guy to me

and he’s honestly kind of jittery, but whether or not it’s nerves or excitement? Who knows with this guy

You have to explain to him how taking care of kids work

You also have to discuss discipline, and he agrees that how his mother handled him wasn’t the best. So at least that’s taken care of

He encourages his kid/s all the time.

A show off parent, but the bragging type. 

PLEASE SIR. Your kids are great but please we need to talk about other things besides your boasting </3

He totally brags about them to Izuku. No cap. I don’t take criticism on this one

He ends up teaching the kid/s swear words (on accident, but it’s funny)

“Shit!”

o-o “Excuse me??”

An Bakugou is just on the sidelines, cackling while you’re just shook

“Katsuki!” You smack his arm

BUT. He gets the kids to bed on time. This man understands the importance of a sleep schedule. Thank god 

Once the kid/s quirk comes, he doesn’t want them to be like how he was when he was younger.

He gives praise, but he’s careful so it doesn’t get to their head.

He’s pretty much that loud, proud, rough dad who we all love <3

kirishima !

i am NOT biased, what?? totally not.

That being said, 10000/10 dad.

He’s the epitome of the perfect dad, okay? T^T I just know he is. It’s a gut feeling

He’s all for kids, he’s the one to talk to you about it first, actually!

Somewhat big family guy, maybe 3 kids? 

And when you agree that you’re ready, it’s amazing from there on out.

Almost.

When you’re pregnant, he then promptly has a small crisis

“I don’t think I can take care of a kid well enough” 

“What if they don’t like me?”

“What if -”

Kiri bby, don’t worry :((( they’d love you

After a lot of reassurance from you, he’s feeling a little better bout being a father.

He’s always supportive, always there for you and the kid/s.

Teaches the importance of drinking respect people juice. B) good job

And this mans is totally there for them all the time.

One time you found him curled up on the couch with your child after turning on some kids movie, and it was so cute omfg-

Another time he and the kid/s put on a whole damn concert and made you sit on the couch and watch. Adorable as hell 

“Dad, dad! Sing for mom!!”

They got him to SERENADE YOU. :’)

And it was the funniest yet sweetest thing ever.

It was with those weird microphone toys for kids, too LMAO

The kid/s always know about the newest thing Kiri has done, they’re constantly huddling around the TV and then when he comes home (or when they wake up and see him the next day), they ambush him with questions and give him so much praise, the man practically tears up.

Speaking of tearing up, he totally cried when they won an award or something 

Just- good dad. Mwuah. 

and that’s it for bnha! unless y’all want a part two, then i’m for it B) same for the haikyuu one. i hope you enjoyed these!! 

my requests/asks are open, so feel free to send something there, make sure to read my yay’s and nay’s for guidelines/rules!

ciao ~

[one-leaf-grimoire]

Chapter 11

knight au ➼ chapter 11

warnings ➼ no warnings for the tumblr version, the ao3 version has a spicy scene

summary ➼ an unforseen complications forces julius to make a quick plan and possibly reveal his relationship with lisa.

AO3 LINK

Fortunately, life seemed to return to normal in the two weeks following the whole kidnapping fiasco. Sei and Lisa went home in one piece, although Lisa was upset to learn that she would still be strictly grounded until her health was better. Unfortunately, Owen’s predictions were right, and she would be feeling the blood loss she suffered from for quite some time. However, over the next two weeks, her strength was slowly returning, and the simple tasks she struggled with before were becoming easier. She didn’t get dizzy as often, and even managed to sneak in some sword practice when Fuegoleon wasn’t looking.

As for Julius, though…

“I’ve told you a million times, Marx, I am not just going to break up with her!”

Marx sucked in a breath, sweat pouring down his forehead as his irritation at Julius grew. This was probably the 10th time this week he had pulled Julius aside and brought the subject up, and the burden of this secret was starting to weigh too heavily on the advisor’s shoulders. So, once again, he found himself practically begging Julius to do something about this… unfortunate situation. “What else can you do?” he whispered, his eyes darting around the empty corridor. “Julius, I have no idea how you became… involved with this woman, but you can’t keep this up forever! I understand if you feel the need to be- be rebellious or whatever-” he cringed a little, his anger building. “-but if you’ve had your fun, you have to end things!”

Julius grit his teeth, his fist clenching. He just doesn’t understand, does he? “I’m not just having fun with her, Marx. I told you, I LOVE-”

“SHHH!!! Don’t-” Marx jolted forward, looking like he was about to pop a vein from anxiety. “I understand that you care about her, but Julius…” Marx sighed, stepping back. “But she’s a commoner… maybe an exceptional commoner, but if your family or Kira’s family finds out-”

“I know the risks,” Julius replied, his voice icy. Marx gulped; he could tell that Julius was deadly serious about this, and that’s what worried him the most. Marx was the only person outside of Sei who knew about the relationship, and Sei had already been a problem for Julius… albeit in a different way.

“I’ll let you off the hook this time, since part of the problem was Lisa’s own foolishness… but if I get ONE whiff of funny business from you, or get the impression that Lisa isn’t comfortable... I’m not afraid to commit regicide. Understood?”

Julius paled a little at the memory, but quickly kept talking. “I understand that she’s a commoner… but at the end of the day, I am the King. And I will use the full extent of that title to protect her, when the time comes.”

Marx’s shoulders slumped, sensing that Julius was just about ready to end this conversation. “... Julius… I just don’t want this to blow up in your face. I trust that you’ve considered every outcome.” He shook his head a little, avoiding Julius’s eyes. “Please… please… just be careful.”

The man looked up as Julius’s hand landed on his shoulder. Julius gave him a comforting smile. “Marx, don’t worry… I appreciate your concern, but-”

“JULIUS! Is that you?”

Both of them snapped to attention as a group of people rounded a corner, attendants and advisors, and in the center of their cluster was an unmistakable man.

“King Augustus!”

Marx broke into a deep bow, and Julius dipped his head briefly in respect. “Is there something you need, Augustus?”

Augustus smacked his lips for a moment, thinking, then nodded. “I do, I do.” He turned to his attendants. “Scurry off, now.”

They nodded and made their exit. Julius gave Marx a long look, and the blue-bowled man begrudgingly obeyed.

“Now that we’re alone-” Augustus grabbed Julius’s sleeve for a moment, lowering his voice. “There’s a matter I wish to discuss with you. Of great personal importance to me.”

Julius gulped, instinctively getting a little nervous, as he was hiding a secret that he really, really did not need Augustus to figure out. “Oh, of- of course. What can I do for you?”

“You see… I just got engaged.”

Julius’s eyes widened. Oh god… that poor woman, he thought before forcing a smile. “Splendid! I was wondering when you were going to get around to that~” It may have been hard to believe, but Augustus was a little younger than Julius, so it would be expected for him to choose a queen at this point.

“Don’t tease me,” Augustus grumbled. “There’s a problem, though… the woman that was presented to me, she is, well… she’s beautiful. The most beautiful of the candidates my family chose for me. However, after being with her for a few months…” He groaned and shook his head. “She is simply too tall! I can’t be looking up at a woman, can I?”

Julius wasn’t exactly sure what to say to that. “Well… what does that matter? If you love her-”

“I don’t.” Augustus was quick to cut him off. “Love comes after marriage… but I can’t see myself ever getting to that point with this woman. HOWEVER-” the last word came out as a short screech as he gained excitement. “This woman, she comes from a prestigious noble family… I would not settle for anything less. I’m sure I can find someone better than her if I wait a little longer, but I can’t just throw her away. So!” He smirked, pointing at Julius. “Why don’t you marry her?”

“W-What?!” Julius winced, shocked at the proposal. “Oh, Augustus, I appreciate-”

“Julius, you’re not getting any younger!” Augustus pointed out. “Your family is constantly talking about your inability, or unwillingness, to find a partner!” They are? Julius thought before the King continued. “This is the perfect fix for both of us!”

Oh god… Julius gulped before letting out a nervous laugh. “Augustus, you really are thoughtful! But-” His mind was racing, and before he could come up with a better excuse, he spoke again. “-you see… I’m already seeing someone.”

Augustus’s eyes and mouth blew wide open. “WHAT?! Why didn’t you say anything?” He blinked a few times, the shock wearing off. “Well… that’s that then… HOWEVER-” He smirked again, pointing at Julius, a glint in his eyes that told Julius that he was scheming. “-This mystery woman… if you’re really serious about her, you better introduce us! You want my approval, don’t you?”

Not really.... Julius’s heart was pounding. “Well, she’s from the outer lands, her family oversees much of the far reaches of the forsaken realm-”

“Oh…. hmm.” Augustus’s eyes narrowed. “She’s not one of those new money nobles, is she?”

Julius quickly shook his head, but Augustus was already suspicious. “Well, now I have to meet her! Lust can cloud the mind when evaluating these things, you may not be pursuing an appropriate match.” Julius clenched his fist, his head starting to spin with the beginnings of rage. Appropriate? Lust? Augustus has no idea how love is supposed to work, is he? She’s not just some object for me to collect! However, he held his tongue. Many in the inner circles of royalty did not value their female counterparts as much as they should, and his opinion was definitely in the minority. “There will be a ball next weekend… only the finest nobles will be invited. Please bring your lady to the ball, so I can meet her and decide if she’s worthy!”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you!” Julius laughed nervously, trying not to seem too anxious. Lisa? At a ball? I don’t even like going to balls! “But not necessary, I assure you-”

“Nonsense. She will come. End of discussion.” Augustus turned away, not allowing Julius to get another word in. “I will continue this discussion next weekend at the ball!”

Julius stood there in silence, slowly realizing what a tough situation this was going to be.

But… I’m sure it’ll work out.

He turned and walked off to his chambers, hands clasped behind his back as he started to think up a plan.

I’ll visit Lisa and let her know…

……..

The next evening, Lisa hummed to herself happily as she walked back to her room from the bathroom. Her hair was wet, tousled up after an attempt to dry it, the skirt of her bathrobe flouncing around her knees. The CLK didn’t have many female knights, so she was alone in the hallway in the female part of the dorms. But she didn’t think much of it, opening her door and shutting it behind her.

Ah, it’ll be nice to relax after all the chores I had to do-

Someone cleared their throat.

“AHH!”

Lisa immediately dropped her towel and raised her fists, eyes widening at the sight of a person sitting at her desk. However, the adrenaline wore off the moment she realized who it was.

“Julius?!”

Julius smiled, waving for a moment before standing up. “Sorry! Should I have knocked?”

Lisa’s brow furrowed into a playful frown. “No… sorry, I was just taking a bath.”

Julius nodded, clearing his throat and averting his eyes from the deep neck of her bathrobe. “I see… well, sorry for intruding-”

“You’re not!”

Lisa didn’t hesitate, throwing herself right into his chest and wrapping her arms around his middle. Julius stumbled a bit, not expecting the sudden lunge, but quickly steadied himself. “Well, well, I guess you’re forgiving me,” he chuckled, reciprocating the embrace. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too… I’m always so happy to see you,” Lisa mumbled into his shirt, smiling to herself as she felt his hand come up, the familiar feeling of him petting her hair following the movement. After a long moment, she pulled back and looked up at him. “What do you need?”

“Oh, I need to tell you about something that’s about to happen.” Julius reluctantly stepped back, holding her hands in his. “Something that involves both of us… well…” He cleared his throat, and Lisa narrowed her eyes a little. “It’s a long story, but I let slip to Augustus that I was seeing someone… that would be you…”

“Augustus? You mean KING Augustus?” Lisa’s eyes widened. “H-he knows about me-”

“No, no- I didn’t reveal who you were,” Julius quickly told her. “I told him you were a noblewoman from the outer lands of the kingdom… but he basically ordered the two of us to come meet him at a ball this weekend.”

“...ordered?” Lisa paled. “Uh oh… so, I’m going to have to pretend to be a noble for a night?”

“Yes, but don’t worry-” Julius smiled comfortingly, squeezing her shoulders. “My advisor, Marx, will help sneak you in… and I’ll have clothes ready for you so you’ll look the part.” Lisa blinked slowly, obviously not convinced yet. “I’m sorry this happened… but it might be a good way for you to see how I live… and how you might live one day.” He smiled, leaning down a little to look her in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Slowly, Lisa nodded, sucking in a breath. “Yes… I just don’t trust myself to not mess up… I don’t want to get you into trouble-”

“Neither do I!” Julius let out a little laugh at his joke, and was relieved to see Lisa smile, too. “I’ll be right there beside you the whole time.”

Lisa nodded. “That’s true…” Her gaze flickered away from him, a little blush appearing on her cheeks. “It’ll be nice to actually act like a couple in front of them.”

Julius’s heart did a little backflip in his chest. He didn’t say anything; he couldn’t say anything, he just stared at her until she noticed her silence. “What?” she asked, meeting his gaze again.

“...you’re so cute.”

Lisa blinked slowly as his hands came up to cradle her face, her cheeks reddening further. “...what made you say that?”

Julius shrugged, a pleasant shiver moving over his skin as he felt her arms find their way around his waist again. “Who knows… it’s just an observation.” His eyes narrowed a little, studying every detail of her eyes, her cheeks, the way her jaw felt as his thumbs brushed it, and… her soft, soft lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

Lisa nodded without hesitation, a small yet unmistakable movement. Julius gave her a little nod of his own before leaning down, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. He felt her exhale through her nose, before her whole body relaxed, leaning against him and melting away.

...

...

...

I love you…

Julius wanted to tell her those words as they curled up together on her bed, but he held his tongue. Right now, he didn’t want to overwhelm her. They had time. Instead, he just leaned down and kissed her forehead, right over her mysterious mark.

“You’re amazing, you know? An amazing knight, and amazing woman…” he smirked a little. “And amazing kisser~”

Lisa flushed. “I-I am NOT!”

“You are!” Julius sat up a little, grinning cheekily. “Don’t tell me I was your first kiss?”

“No, you weren’t.” Lisa rubbed her face sheepishly. “You really think I’m good?”

“Of course? I could kiss those lips of yours all day.” Julius gave her a wink, and was overjoyed to see said lips twitch into a smile.

“Oh? That sounds like a promise.”

“It is. Get over here-”

Lisa quickly obeyed, crawling into his arms once again. Their lips quickly met, in a sweet, chaste kiss, the tension between them dissolving the rest of the way. Julius smiled into the kiss, pulling back just to press a few lighter ones against the side of her face. Lisa giggled, squirming a bit. “Julius… will you stay here tonight?”

Julius raised an eyebrow, but quickly nodded. “If you want me too… I’ll have to leave early so I can make it back to the castle, though.”

“That’s okay.”

Julius turned around to let her change into pajamas, then gladly crawled under the sheets with her. Lisa’s bed was a full size bed, luckily, but the two still settled in right up against each other.

“Julius… thank you.”

Lisa let her eyes close, his warmth lulling her to sleep already. “You know how to make everything better... “

Julius blushed a little, kissing the side of her head one last time before laying his head down on the pillow.

“So do you… you’ve changed my life, Lisa.”

The two fell asleep, limbs entwined, and left their worldly problems behind as they entered their own, perfect dream.

[filmmakerdreamst]

‘Boy Meets World’ Re-watch (as an Adult)

‘Girl Meets World’ doesn’t count as a sequel. Not because of the writing/tonal choices but because in the original show - despite continuity issues - the characters felt like real people e.g. the way they spoke/acted/dressed was the way people behaved in the 90s where as in the spin off, they were Disney characters e.g. hyper versions of themselves especially Cory and Eric. And the transition between both shows didn’t come naturally. It’s not an objectivity badly written show but it was pretty much a re-do of the old show with the same storylines/tropes without continuing the story. (I say the same thing about ‘The Incredibles’. vs ‘Incredibles 2’.) Also there were too many cooks in the kitchen pushing one way or another. You could see Micheal Jacobs style, all the aspects were there, but he was also creating a ‘DISNEY’ show at the same time. I don’t know about you but the one message I took from the original show was ‘finding out that life cannot be packenged into a lovely little present ’ which kind of contradicts everything that the new show is. If anything GMW is an AU universe (and it really felt like that, rewatching it right after BMW e.g. it felt flipped) almost like Disney’s version of ‘what happened next?’ The primal difference between both shows is BMW is portraying what is real and GMW is based on what is real.

Going off my point, I will however be always thankful that it exists because I probably wouldn’t of found out about ‘Boy Meets World’ otherwise. Although saying that, I never thought that the original show needed a continuation of any kind (a lot of things make sense about the spin off if you acknowledge that Disney requested it - I think it would of been much better off on its original platform) ‘Boy Meets World’ was very much a product of its time i.e. when tv shows were still relevetivley new and had no rules - like there is stuff in there that not even adult shows today have. Plus there was something about it that felt very personal (such as the characters and setting) as if the creator based it on his own childhood growing up and I think that was part of its charm and why it had such a big effect on pop culture - I’m not so sure you can repeat that.

BMW is big on meta I’ll tell you that. I love how it’s so aware of itself. The amount of depth that it has never ceases to amaze me. It’s whole universe is so dense and huge. Every quote/storyline is so unique it sticks in your brain forever. (I swear the humour got more and more deranged every season). The show was also incredibly queer and progressive.  It didn’t give a crap about sexuality. Much more than I remember. Proof to never use ‘but it was made in the 90s’ excuse.        

I loved how the show kept reinventing itself every season as Cory grew up so you really felt you were growing up with him and all the characters. The Character Development on this show was so natural/authentic. Every single character got a chance to shine. No one changed their look in one episode and no one had an intervention every time someone had an identity crisis (GMW) My favourite development was Shawn Hunter. He went from a cool kid to a ladies man to a poetic soul. It was so satisfying to watch.

I realised that Cory Matthews is actually my favourite character (before it was Eric or Shawn) I already have a special soft spot for ‘annoying’ characters because they tend to be the most memorable/real. For example, Karma Ashcroft from ‘Faking it’ was my babe while everyone was hating on her. I really related to his anxiety/self hatred about being average and I loved that he constantly made mistakes. It was very refreshing. He’s also incredibly queer-coded. I found that alot of his mannerisms make sense if you see him with extreme compulsory heterosexuality (because identity’s such as bisexual or gay couldn’t exist normally in the 90s) There are moments in the show where he literally mimics his best friend’s behaviour around girls e.g. when the class pretty much gets brainwashed by the sex ed video in ‘Boy Meets Girl’ Shawn gets asked out by a girl, making Cory jealous - which pushes him to ask out Topanga.

It’s funny how a few years of life experience can change perspectives completely because when I was sixteen (aka the same age as Cory and Topanga) watching BMW for the first time, I was mad at Amy for ‘not understanding that they were in love’ (in ‘A Walk to Pittsburg’) but now that I’m older I’m actually agreeing with her. Yeah, what do they know about love? Because all season long they were acting quite superficially.

Cory and Topanga became somewhat of a toxic couple in seasons 5 -7. Reminded me of my parents relationship because my mum gave up her chosen university to be closer to my dad and they aren’t together any more. Topanga’s love for Cory was very conditional and Cory cheated on her multiple times/openly begged for sex  (Again like my parents) And you should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you say “You make me think not so very much of myself” There are arguably much more signs of emotional abuse than love in their relationship especially from Topanga’s side. Plus their story was altered so many times to give it more basis (they retconned Shawn and Cory’s friendship to do this) I could write an essay on how Kevin and Winnie’s love story on ‘The Wonder Years’ is much more believable because it actually addresses how toxic it was and they grow apart in the end. If GMW was a realistic continuation, they would be divorced with a little girl - leave them in the 90s where they belong.

Alan and Amy were couple goals! Cory and Topanga wish that they could have what they have. Literally the definition of ‘a healthy relationship on tv that keeps thriving and over coming obstacles without big drama’. Best TV parents ever.

I loved the Matthews family; how they all had individual arcs and developments of their own. One of my favourite arcs was in season 5, when Eric and Cory were both jealous of what they ‘didn’t have’ with their dad, so Alan made an effort to give them both that they needed. Honestly, I had never seen so much healthy communication on TV before. Alan is the best father around. His whole personal arc of giving up managing a supermarket because he wasn’t passsionate about it anymore and buying a mountain store was so inspired. I found it funny that the family had more of a relationship with Shawn than Topanga.

Shawn Hunter never caught a break. It got a bit tiring. He was never allowed to be happy for five minutes. Every time he laughed or smiled, 5 years were added onto my lifespan. Why didn’t Johnathan Turner adopt him? I loved their dynamic. Why did he let him go back to his abusive father who just dumped him anyway?

Jack and Shawn’s complicated dynamic was possibly the most unique/interesting arc of the entire show and no one talks about it. I don’t care what y’all say - despite them being very different, Jack was the only one who fully took care of Shawn without second thoughts (Turner and the Matthews family had doubts)

I liked Shawn and Angela. I thought they were much better suited than Cory and Topanga. I honestly wouldn’t of minded if they ended up together even though I always had a feeling they wouldn’t. (Like I’m glad she went with her dad in the end) And considering how important they were as a interracial couple in the 90s, GMW handled that very poorly.

Shawn and Cory should of ended up together. And before you come at me with ‘it’s important to have m/m friendships without toxic masculinity’ (which is an important arguement to have) - yeah no shit there’s an entire Industry based around that/pitting women against each other. While it is important to have those friendships between men that are close and even intimate (take Chandler and Joey, Schmidt and Nick, Isak and Jonas and Jake and Charles for example) there was also another layer to their relationship which the narrative played off sometimes as them “going out” or “in love”.  I actually recently found out that a writer - who came into the show in season 3 - confirmed that she wrote gay undertones into their relationship on purpose ‘In my opinion as a writer, they thought they were “straight”, they both didn’t realise or understand their feelings for eachother’ but couldn’t deliever because the producers wanted to keep the show “kid friendly”. Kind of like Xena and Gabby. I know people prefer Jack & Eric (I love them as well) but everything got ruined for me as soon as they introduced the ‘love triangle’ and I always tend to prefer emotional tension over sexual. They were just so unconditional with each other/ their friendship was so good and healthy and now I’m so bitter that it never happened.

I never understood why Shawn and Cory had to stop being best friends after he got married. He’s not Topanga’s property. I always hated how Topanga tried to interrupt/interfere with their dynamic — although now I realise it was because the two of them purposely left her out. Looking back at it, If it really was just a intimate friendship then why would she get so easily jealous if she didn’t sense there was something else deeper going on? You should never marry someone who puts you second.

I didn’t like Topanga when she was with Cory (or vice versa) Especially after they got married. She was a great character on her own. Feminist before her time. Hermione Granger before her time. I always felt she deserved a lot better than him in a way e.g. if someone I considered a friend speard a rumour around high school that we slept together - I would never speak to that person again. SHE SHOULD OF GONE TO YALE GOD DAMN IT. And as someone pointed out the other day, if the roles were reversed some of the stuff she does or says to Cory would be considered domestic violence. ‘She’s always blaming Cory on shit that isn't even his fault or makes him feel bad or shuts down his emotions and turns it around so he's comforting her instead.’ There was even a moment in GMW (not that I consider that show a continuation) where she locks him out the house for a few days after he insulted her chicken, and his son Auggie had to bring him spaghetti. If Cory was a woman, that would not be played off as a joke - that would be considered abuse. They were however a better couple in GMW ironically.

Angela Moore is now one of my favourite characters on BMW. She was beautiful. Her friendship with Rachel (and Topanga) was the best. And I frickin’ loved her and Cory’s friendship development - when they could of easily not played into that. I hate that she got villiaized in GMW.

My favourite seasons are 4, 5 & 1. My least favourites are 3 & 2 & 7. And even then the show was still pretty darn good.

The back and fourth clash between Turner and Mr Feeny in season 2 was very entertaining.

Mr Feeny and Eric are my favourite relationship on ‘Boy Meets World’. I love how Eric was the only person that Feeny directly told that he loved him. Also, why didn’t Eric become the new Mr Feeny? He showed more traits of becoming a teacher in the show than Cory did.

Eric and Tommy was probably the most heartbreaking plot line in season 6. (That season was an emotional train wreck) I cried for a fourth time. The world doesn’t deserve him.

I loved the development of Shawn and Topanga’s friendship. Even though there was a silent competition over Cory, they eventually became good friends. I found out that the song ‘She will be loved’ was inspired by them which is awesome but it’s also proof that people ship for less if it’s an m/f dynamic - just sayin’. I however see a more convincing potiental romance with the two of them than Cory and Topanga sometimes.

On Cory and Topanga again - they weren’t a bad couple overall. I liked them in s1 - 3. They had some great moments. But upon my rewatch (getting out of that 90s idealised headspace) I found them to be too similar at times - chafing as another person put it - to the point where they cancel each other out. A lot of people pointed out that Riley and Maya paralleled them and I was thinking “That’s not nesserily a good thing.”

‘Dream. Try. Do good.’ is on my mantelpiece.

[kissandmxkeup]

Royal Guard!Johnny

here for the obligatory annual “yes i’m still around and yes i know where my computer keyboard is” post, may do more but probably not tbh. if you’re still here and reading, i love you and also highly question why you’re so dedicated. not that i mind, i truly appreciate it, but still.

also, this is female!reader because i had so much trouble writing this in a gender-neutral manner. if you want a gender-neutral/male!reader version, let me know and i’ll do my best!

Always cordial and polite, not just with you but anyone he comes across

So many of the guards tend to have this air of superiority, talking down to those that aren’t within their ranks or of a higher status, but Johnny has the same level of manners for the elderly shopkeeper in town as he does for you, the crown princess of the country

Not only that, he’s also extremely attentive to your needs, even the ones that he isn’t necessarily responsible for

He always has a bag with first-aid supplies, snacks, water, and even portable chargers and a Game-Boy somewhere within reach

And he’s always willing to have a conversation with you, listen to your concerns and worries and sorrows

You actually came to know Johnny when he was guarding your brother, a seven year old who was incredibly funny and also insanely gross 

After your brother turned ten he was sent off to a private school with their own security teams, so Johnny was moved over to you

You loved being around him; his positivity and kindness could melt even the toughest of moods, something your mother had noticed when she was looking for his new assignment 

You remember when she called Johnny to the throne room; he’d still been just barely an adult then, looking young and boyish in armor slightly too big for him He had bowed deeply to her, so much that the weight of the heavy metal chainmail nearly tipped him over, and she smiled back as she informed him that he was being removed from his position with your brother, that he would now be tasked with being in your guard. He had given her a nod and an “as you wish” that was almost too wavering with forced professionalism before turning to you with a nervous little grin, asking what you needed of him in a way that had melted your heart.

Over time, the two of you had grown into a rhythm; you would walk the gardens in the morning, him following like a shadow as you chatted with the gardeners and groundskeepers. After that you would tend to your schoolwork, and then the minor royal duties you were given after you’d finished your education, occasionally letting him distract you with stories of the younger guards’ antics as you tried to pass time until dinner, and then at the end of the day you would always sit and talk together about the country.

Even when you were young, you were always looking to improve the life of the commoners of the land, and given his background, Johnny was much more connected to them than you could ever be. He had influenced policies you’d drafted on education, social welfare programs, and even some of your first quality-of-life recommendations like repairing historical sites and landmarks in the smaller villages of the country, such as the town he had visited often as a child. You were beloved in your country, and had become lauded as the “princess of the people,” always pushing for your constituents to be represented and thought of at every turn, but you always made sure that Johnny knew that you couldn’t do any of it without him by your side. 

However, those outside of your borders tended to see you as much less kind and gentle, but rather stubborn and almost bitchy. You wouldn’t let your country’s people be used or walked over, refusing to give in to the demands of others that saw you as small and weak and risk your citizens’ wellbeing in the process. You sat in meeting with lawmakers, voice steady as you refused to even consider letting your constituents have their taxes raised in the name of increasing their own salaries, clashed with conglomerates that wanted you to turn a blind eye to pollution and mistreatment of their workers, even going as far as pressuring officials into dissolving royal contracts with major companies that relied on unfair practices, and you had even notably walked out of a meeting with a royal from another family after they had insinuated that perhaps you had let your public persona blind you to what was truly��good for your country (in this case, letting their country use your resources without regard to the needs of the the common folk of yours).

Some other players in larger, wealthier countries had even decided that you were too much of an inconvenience, made too much noise, and wanted to eliminate you from your country’s line of succession by any means necessary. Because of this you had come to be assigned more guards over time, generally keeping a rotating team that you had jokingly nicknamed the 127 Squad because they seemed to have an endless supply of members. Some members like Ten, or Lucas rotated in during special occasions like state visits, and you occasionally had a knight-in-training such as the quiet Renjun or the child-like Jeno in addition to the usual two or three full-time guards. 

There were eight other consistent members that you had come to be familiar with, though; Haechan was loud and boisterous in a manner quite similar to your brother, while his best friend Mark was quiet, shy, and a little nervous with a sword despite all of his experience. Taeyong, Taeil, and Doyoung treated you like their child in different ways, and Jungwoo was dreamy and often in his own head (although you weren’t sure if maybe that was just a facade, since he was one of the first to act if you felt in danger). Your favorite story was how poor Jaehyun and Yuta had been banned from attending public events after they went unintentionally viral for their handsome looks during a press conference about a new retirement plan you had orchestrated.

Johnny was always the constant, though; he was at every event, every meeting, always directly to your right in a manner that had started more than one rumor about your professional relationship and how it was more than just professional after all. And as much as you would never admit it, you hated the rumors because of their semi-truth; sure, you weren’t in a relationship, but it’s not like you would be opposed to that at all. 

He was just as kind and funny as ever, but more mature and elegant now; he would help you out of your car even if there was a chauffer that was supposed to fill that role, lift children on his shoulders during your usual visits to local schools and smile with pride as they giggled and screamed. He would even sit next to you and run his hand between your shoulder blades when you had panic attacks about whether you were really fit to lead the country, reassuring you that your people loved you for a reason; not to mention that he had become very attractive over time; the boyish smiles were now replaced with kind grins, his armor now fit him like a glove, and every time he sowed the protective nature that he had developed toward you, you would swoon a little on the inside.

But there were strict rules about romance between royals and staff, if anyone found out that you even had a crush on him he would be moved out of your team and possibly out of your family entirely, which you couldn’t stand the idea of. So you kept your mouth shut, never letting your inhibitions take over you when he called your name with a kindness that made your knees weak, or when he would step in front of you in a protective manner at a rare threat made directly to your face. You had done well with it too, up until you had gone on your first state visit to another country without your parents or any other major officials.

You had been sent out to visit a country run by a set of princes almost double your age, with nobody but five members of your guard (Taeyong, Doyoung, Mark, Jaehyun, Ten, and of course Johnny) alongside you. The men were all openly uncomfortable with your presence at times; sometimes this was shown by you being excluded from conversations about “grown-up matters that didn’t concern you,” as you had once overheard the crown prince Leeteuk commenting, to even pressuring you with questions and comments that were bizarre at best and outright offensive at worst. You had tried to brush it off, since the visit was less than a week and very important, but it was hard to do so when you felt like you were having the life sucked out of you.

It wasn’t until the last day when you had finally had enough; Leeteuk had sat across from you, flanked by all of his fellow princes, and pushed a document that looked way too official to be presented in such a way to your side of the table with an expectant glare.

“What is this?”

“It’s the resolution that we’ve all been working on this week, I expect you to sign it for us now.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t sign something unless I know its contents. If you give me some time to look over it, I’d be happy to come back with my concerns and a signature if I feel it’s mutually beneficial.”

“I’m sorry?”

One of the other princes, Shindong, looked down at you with a glance of something resembling anger, and you could almost hear Johnny and Taeyong tensing at your sides, preparing to step in should the princes show signs of being a threat to your well-being.

“I mean, you say that it’s the resolution we’ve been working on, but I’ve been constantly shuttered out of any meaningful conversation about this legislature since I arrived. I don’t know what’s been done in front of me, let alone without me present, and by signing it I could be agreeing to any number of measures I don’t agree with or understand. I will not sign this unless I am given an adequate chance to look over it and bring my own concerns forward as a representative of my country.”

“See, I don’t think you understand how this works. You are in our country, under our roof, and we fully expect you to comply with our expectations while here. So you will sign this document.”

“Or what?”

You straightened yourself out, glaring daggers at the youngest prince (Kyuhyun, you believe) that had been so demanding to you. You could feel Johnny resting a hand on your shoulder, reassuring but warning, as Taeyong stepped out to certainly inform the other guards of the situation and have them start collecting your things to go home.

“If you force me to sign it, I and my guards will both bring the manner forward publicly that it was signed under duress. Any measure that you believe you could take to force me, such as physical punishment or holding me hostage, is an act of war by your government against a foreign diplomat on your soil and will be treated as such. I will not be threatened, forced, or coerced into giving my consent in a matter I do not understand, and the idea that I would do such a thing is actively preposterous at best and offensive at worst. So if you don’t mind, I will be leaving your country at the earliest opportunity, since it’s clear that you have no intent of cooperating with me and I will not stay in a place where I feel unwelcome and endangered. If this is an issue, please feel free to take it up with my guards or any citizen of my country, who will happily inform you of my stance on public policy that would affect them.”

You stood to leave, and Siwon matched your movement, grabbing your wrist with such force that you audibly hissed.

“Little girl, this is no business for you to be fighting against. Sign the papers and then you can go whenever you please.”

“My princess has stated that she intends to leave,” you were surprised by Johnny, stepping forward, forcing Siwon’s hand off of you before carefully pushing you behind him with one arm to shelter you from the men in front of you, “and as far as I am concerned, she gets what she wants when it’s her well-being at risk. Please stand down and allow her to leave, since we mean no harm. I’m sure that if this legislature is as important as you state it to be that she would need to blindly sign onto it, the king and queen would happily do instead, so I implore you to speak to them about the matter.”

Johnny walked you out, a hand around your waist with a stern expression as he kept looking back to the room of bewildered and infuriated princes. It wasn’t until he had accompanied you back to your room, firmly shutting and locking the door behind him, that he let the cold demeanor slip away. He asked how you were, a nervous expression on his face at the situation you had found yourselves in.

“I just...I want to go home. I want to go home and rest, and be with my family and friends again. I don’t feel safe here.”

He nodded solemnly, fingers dancing across your wrist as he lifted it to the level of your chest, scowling at the already-deepening purples and yellows where you’d been held.

“I’m sorry, I should have stepped in sooner.”

“You did everything right. You tried to let me handle it, and protected me when I couldn’t do it anymore.”

You leaned into his touch, and he seemed almost surprised as you let yourself fall completely into his arms, barely catching you. He held you upright for a moment, only pulling back when he noticed that you had started to cry.

“Princess...”

“Please, call me by my name. We’re friends, you deserve that much.”

He did so, gently taking you back into his grasp and reassuring you with a gentle swaying as you awaited the word of Taeyong that you could leave.

“I’m sorry, I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

He pulled back, concern and worry apparent in his expression at your bizarre change in tone.

“Can’t do what?”

“I..look, I love you. Not as my guard, not as my friend, but in a way that’s so much more than that. And I’ve been so scared to tell you because I knew it could get you taken from me, but you deserve to know. You’ve been nothing but kind and wonderful and hell, you’re perfect, but I can’t keep standing here, falling in love a little more every time you so much as look at me without telling you about it.”

He looked confused for a moment, but surprised you with a large, almost goofy smile that reminded you of your younger days with him.

“Don’t act like that, like it’s the end of it. I know it’s not allowed, just as much as you do, but I love you too and I’ve wanted to tell you forever.”

You laughed, almost bitter with the threat of separation between you two.

“How is it not the end of it?”

“I...I’ve been talking with your mother about...us. About how I feel. She’s going to remove me from the guard altogether, and I was going to move into an advising role for you where I’d be able to ask you out. I was planning on telling you after we returned form the visit, since it was only finalized after we arrived, but then...”

It took a moment to register what he had said, but as soon as it had clicked you threw your arms around him with an almost childlike excitement.

“I’ll be here for you until you don’t want me anymore, okay? I promise. Me and you, just like it’s been since you were sixteen.”

The words were gentle, kind, and you couldn’t help but relax at the truthfulness he carried in his tone. You wanted to stay like this forever, but it was all too soon that there was a knock on the door as Taeyong informed you that your car was waiting out front and the princes had finally agreed to stand down and let you leave in peace. You took a moment to collect yourself before heading to the door, and Johnny gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before opening it.

“Would you like me to ride with you today, your highness?”

“Actually, if it’s okay, I’d rather have Johnny with me. I’ve been under a lot of stress during this trip, and I find him rather comforting to have around.”

He stifled a laugh behind his hand, and you couldn’t help but grin at the almost knowing glance Taeyong spared you. You walked past the princes in uncomfortable silence, only sparing a small bow before you stepped into your car, Johnny following and moving to sit next to you as the door closed.

“So, we’ve got six hours until we’re back in our kingdom, do you want to play Super Mario Land or something?”

You burst out laughing, head falling back against his shoulder as you gave him a small nod through the rhythm of your breathing. He smiled as he gave you the old lime Game Boy, shifting to move an arm around you so he could watch you play, and you couldn’t help but notice how this felt just like home.

[bangtanblurbs]

blue side *special post*

song: blue side - full version, by j-hope

first experience: would we consider the release of blue side, the full version the first experience, or listening to the version from hope world? either way, with hope world, i know i was listening after returning back to DC from ATL following spring break of my first year in my phd program. i was feeling all kinds of heavy, and turning on hopeworld i felt both uplifted and seen at the same time. for an album to carry a track like blue side, along with piece of peace, and then bangers like hangsang and daydream was a lot for me to process but the album instantly became something i listened to all the time. that year was really hard for me - i’d moved away from home, i wasn’t fitting in, i was questioning my abilities, my intelligence, i was so insanely depressed. it was eating away at me, and hope world dropped, making me feel more peace than i’d felt since i had moved. i am still so thankful for that.

feelings: i have so many. obviously, that’s why i had to make a blog for these things. there’s no way i could talk this out with anyone in a normal conversation. also i’d forget everything in my head. hoseok is my comfort idol. i feel very close to him emotionally. maybe it’s because he left gwangju for the big city, he fought like hell and made his way. meanwhile i left a small town and fought like hell, and am trying to make my way. he’s my role model as much as he is my comfort. blue side though, there’s something about it that hits. the lyrics, the sound, it all is about a desire for what existed before - before complicating things with my dreams. leaving the comfort of the familiar, the easy, the known, and making my way in the unknown to chase what i think “home” is supposed to be. sure, things are easier on the *blue side* but without running away from it, would i really burn as bright as a blue flame? give off the warmth that the strongest flame (blue) does? it’s like a double meaning, blue is the innocence and simplicity of the known and the easy, perhaps youth, perhaps home... but also blue is the hottest flame, even if it comes just before a fire dies and burns out, it is still the most significant - the hottest, it’s worth the chase to have this high. 

like hoseok - i feel lonely - this song also deals with the loneliness of walking away from the known, the home. and i relate with it. but the color and the vibrancy of what’s knew, it’s not always so terrible. it’s funny, as i listen to blue side, i think of wildflowers by dolly parton. a song about how we all carry a nostalgia for whatever home is, whatever was simple and easy before we lost our innocence and moved on to adulthood... but the reality is, no matter how bad we want to go back - home doesn’t exist anymore in the way that we remember it. we’ve warped the idea of home and this earlier perfection in our heads. we’ve burned it. as we became strong blue flames, the past was also burnt up and changed. that’s how i feel when i visit home, it’s not what i romanticize when i’m away. and no matter what i always feel dejected, foreign, and alone. but even so, i’m burning bright. i’m *back to blue side* but not in the way of going back to a prior easiness and innocence, instead in the way of being bright and warm, offering others something new and improved. 

personal experience: since the full song just released and i’ve already played in hundreds of times, perhaps i’ll talk about the present and how i will certainly remember this release in the context of where i am now in my life. it’s now been a whole year of the COVID-19 pandemic, a year where i’d really hoped to *find* myself after two years of my phd program continuing to make me feel lost and completely inadequate. the crippling depression, anxiety, and doubt that i carried since moving the DC is still with me, but before COVID-19 hit i had finally - in many ways - made peace with my life. i’d found some energy for my studies and future. things had been looking up. but since the pandemic, i’ve felt much of those feelings creep back in. slowly but surely my demons returned. 

when i turned on blue side for the first time, the same emotions ran through me... a longing for simplicity, a longing for a time when my mind and heart weren’t constantly running, a time when i hadn’t complicated the future i wanted for myself. a longing not to be alone. immediately when i listened to the song i saw my painting of jo march’s monologue in the 2019 adaptation: “women have minds and souls as well as hearts, ambition and talent as well as beauty and i’m sick of being told that love is all a woman is fit for. but... i am so lonely.” while this has absolutely nothing to do with blue side - my mind went there. how life would be simple if i’d abided by the simple life that was destined for me growing up in a small town. i’d have fallen in love, taken a job without much thought, everything would have been easy, i’d never be lonely and the questions and complications of my dreams would be far away (or would they? this version of home is likely fabricated --- see above). as the quote says, she wants to have everything, but in pursuing her dreams she found tremendous loneliness. the blue side, that period of innocence though, perhaps it has it’s own demons as well. there’s the lonliness, the pressure, and the challenges of burning for your dreams as well though - and that’s where i am, that’s also what hoseok is speaking too. i’m not sure right now what exactly i’m longing for. perhaps it’s not the past, perhaps it’s a complete reimagining of my future as the uncertainty of the pandemic continues to play out... either way, there’s a blue side in my mind i *do* long for, a side of innocence and peace - where i can be content with myself and what i’m doing with my time, my thoughts, my energy. i truly hope i can go back to *that* blue side. 

although i’m not sure when that will be, listening to blue side makes me feel that i’m not alone. others relate to this song, it’s message, and obviously it came from hoseok’s very heart. we aren’t alone. those of us that leave all that we knew, leave our innocence and homes in the past - we can forge ahead and become bright and give off warmth to others. hopefully we can sustain the blue fine inside ourselves - much like hoseok. or hopefully there’s a blue side in our minds we can visit when we need respite. 

song breakdown

musically: blue side isn’t the type of track one would have ever anticipated from hoseok unless they’ve really listened to a lot of his interviews and content - where he shows his several dimensions and facets of his personality. hoseok is deeply emotional (not just a sunshine all the time) and his mind has a haunting edge of seriousness, loneliness, and longing to it. the tone of the song, the beat, it’s very soft. not sad, but relaxing, almost bringing in this numb feeling to it. there’s a lo-fi sound to it. as soon as it comes on the listener should feel a sense of calm. you cannot listen to blue side without just feeling mellow. it’s healing despite the darker lyrical content. 

vocally: jung honey vocals hoseok. a combination of singing and smooth rap dominate blue side. ARMY may be unfamiliar with hoseok’s gorgeous singing voice, but they won’t be now. hoseok displays his emotion up front in his whisper singing. it’s almost like he’s telling himself like “just calm down now, it’s okay to retreat to a place where you feel safe.” his rapping voice takes on the same calm demeanor, delivering almost a lullaby to the listener - perhaps hoseok knew that the message of blue side would be one that all of us could resonate deeply with and wanted to ensure that when we listened to it, it was like having a conversation with a friend about feeling nostalgic and yearning for a version of yourself that doesn’t exist anymore. 

lyrically: while we don’t know everything hoseok has gone through, we don’t know what exactly inspired blue side, we were lucky enough to receive a note with the extended version of blue side. hoseok states that when looks back at when he was writing hope world he feels he was a very innocent boy. he was coloring in the man he is today, and he stated that sometimes he truly misses who he was in the past, his innocence and the simplicity of that time. perhaps he’s speaking to the early days of BTS, or even before BTS, or perhaps just before he knew some of the hardships that come along with growing old (which growing old is something he also mentions in the note). hoseok also specifically references a growing homesickness that he’s felt as time has passed. a homesickness for who he used to be. before things picked up and pressure started. 

in the first verse of blue side we are confronted with just this narrative. hoseok states “everything changed between us, i shout alone” - he feels like he’s left who he was completely and now he’s alone, that younger version of his isn’t something he carries with him anymore. it’s something though that he’d like the return to. that “time when i didn’t know anything” a time of innocence and ignorance. a time without problems and stressors. unlike today. 

the chorus is very simple - in haunting and beautiful j-hope fashion - hoseok chants “back to blue side” and it’s almost like this is a return to simplicity. in simply saying what he wants and not complicating it, the juxtaposition with the choruses is quite profound. 

the next verse is more tricky, it’s like a daydream (something that hoseok seems to do often - he’s got a whole song about it). it’s almost like hoseok feels like he can transport himself to that previous state he rides “the wind in the sky to that place in this moment, blue” and he states that it’s “now comforting my heart, blue” then the meaning of blue seems to change as we move into the following verse... hoseok is clearly speaking of making music when he says he “spits out my pains in the dark” he’s sharing his pain, all that he’s carrying with him. he “wanted to walk the blue road, on the rainbow” at this point it seems like the blue side is almost shifting to be his dreams (perhaps the blue side is something he’s nostalgic about but also he’s nostalgic for the version of his dreams that he imagined back when he was innocent and conceived of fame differently than the reality). he’s “singing my blues, singing my bloom, back in my room” alluding to pain that he carries now and the pain that he carried then - while different - it was present in both... but he’d prefer the pain of the past because “i was blue with light breaths” he had some reprieve, whereas now he doesn’t feel like he has the same. 

the closure of the third verse is probably the most contentious lyric in the song. “but now i just want to burn blue and die.” likely because this is a dark lyric for someone with the public image that “j-hope” has. specifically i use j-hope here, as hoseok has been very candid in explaining that who he is on stage and in public isn’t entirely him and isn’t his whole being. while he is j-hope, j-hope is not completely him. part of me wants to go for the easy pickings and say that hoseok wishes sometimes that he could almost kill this persona, and return to simpler times when he got to be hoseok. or perhaps this is his way of saying he wants to share more of hoseok with us, rather than this polished image he’s created which is exhausting and feels alien next to the boy he was during the *blue side* of his life. but i don’t think this is all. i think it’s also got something to do with burning blue, hitting his peak, getting to the point he wants to get to and riding it to wherever it takes him next - to whatever his identity will change to, killing/burning the past and bringing about a new blue side. i think this line is also alluding to the desire to having time to just open up his entire being a truly feel all of the pain and emotions that he’s had over time as he had to grow up quickly and focus hard on his dreams. 

finally - we get to the bridge. this is hoseok’s comforting message for all of us listening. hoseok’s dream has always been to provide others healing and comfort through his music, being able to do that is extremely important for him. the bridge brings that forward. i almost feel like this bridge is him acknowledging that that boy from the blue side still exists. the lines almost allude to us being with him in his “blue dream” he’s taken us there to “carry” and  “hug” us. perhaps he’s felt further away from this dream as fame has taken over, and now he wants to reassure his fans and those that appreciate his art that he hasn’t lost his innocence or heart completely - he will carry us to that place of nostalgia, innocence and purity to offer us comfort as well. “you might say i cannot, but i’ll put you in my arms” he will defy those who discredit his depth and realness and take us into his mind and bring us the comfort he wanted to supply us. 

BUT i also think this message is for himself. he will find away to carry who he is today back to his blue side, back to his period of innocence and purity. he hasn’t turned his back on who he was, he longs for that person more than ever and he’s determined to continue to carry who he is and who he was at the same time. while that’s not exactly the same as being in the blue side - it’s like being in a “blue dream” which can be enough to suffice for some time. 

tl;dr: blue side is a masterpiece. it’s a highlight for hoseok’s career. the depth of emotion conveyed in this piece is insane. hoseok offers up a level of vulnerability not often found in the music industry. he serves it packaged in a unique sounding song that offers the listener nothing but comfort and nostalgia (especially given that it is a reboot of an album that many of us hold dearly to our hearts). what’s even more beautiful about it is that likely many of us have our own blue side from when hope world was released, and perhaps we too are longing for the innocence and purity of that time... this song offers us solace in that we aren’t alone in this feeling. 

[teyvattherapist]

speech went great today (thx for your kind words) so i’ll dump some random/fun headcanons i have about Dainsleif right after the fall of Khaenri’ah and what he got up to!

-So obviously he is in shock, and wanders around the rubble for a few days in a daze, never encountering anyone so he’s not sure if he’s truly dead and in purgatory or just completely alone. Every noise puts him on edge bc he 50% hopes it’s another person and the other half thinks everything is out to kill him

-he cut his hair on his own because it was getting burned anyways and it hasn’t grown since. *disappointed sigh*

-his prosthetic arm used to be the same color as the trees in the domain we see, but it got cursed with abyssal taint and is basically just stored there, and this turned it black with blue lines :( it looks sick but it gives him some pains.. lately it’s been spreading tho, which you can see on his neck and face

-talks to himself !! that man will ramble no matter what and will create imaginary forms of the people he considered friends and family. He hallucinates entire conversations and sometimes tricks himself into believing they’re alive and he’s talking to the real version, poor guy

-still talks and Behaves SUPER formally and this makes other people pretty wary around him. think of that “how do you do fellow kids?” meme. even the newly created hilichurls and abyss mages didn’t like him bc of how much he was still in “knight mode”

-randomly develops and allergy to peanuts because i thought it would be funny

-hes a heavy sleeper when his body can’t take anymore, and this one time, during a routine near-coma bc he doesn’t know when to rest, a monster walked right over him and he didn’t even realize it,,,, left a dirt paw-print (hehe thats a teaser to how he met his husband) on his back where the monster stepped on him 😭😭💀💀 the monster thought he was a dead body so that’s even funnier (also keep in mind this still applies to present dainsleif)

-this one doesn’t have much to do with right after the fall but more with kaeya, and how when dainsleif sees him again, he spirals so quick you’d get motion sickness. i’m talking ramblings about how he’s sorry and a failure to kaeya, inconsolable sobbing, and he constantly is asking kaeya to make him do something so he feels useful. bad experience all around (he gets better after year or so i just need him to suffer first)

-discovered he was immortal not from a god telling him but from when he tried to die in the ruins of the palace, but just didn’t. he walked around with a sword in his stomach, pissed off to hell and back and ready to kill any god he came across. he looked like a pretty terrifying ghost (which i guess he is, metaphorically)

.

[gffa]

I think the thing with fans opinions on the Jedi is they tend to be one extreme or the other, with both usually claiming there are far more people on the opposing side (which makes them defensive over their opinions). It's not bad, or that they're wrong, but people who feel like the Jedi are praised too much tend to ignore any time they were right or doing their best even if they fail, and people who feel they are criticised too much tend to ignore any valid criticism and make any issues (1/2)

not their fault. And even when people say they acknowledge things, a lot of people have a but after that statement, which seems contradictory to such a claim. Also, there’s so much Star Wars media that has different opinions on those things, so even just depending on what media you’ve consumed, your opinion will be different. (2/2)

Hi!  One of the biggest problems I’ve found is that one person’s valid criticism is another person’s unfair criticism.  What you might consider as me dismissing a valid criticism, as someone who is a fan of the Jedi, may be me going, “I disagree with that being a valid criticism.”  My disagreement is not the same thing as a dismissal in that case.I’m not beholden to anyone else’s interpretations of what is or isn’t valid criticism, just as no one is beholden to what I say is valid and what isn’t.  We can only make our cases, respect each other, not make ad-hominem commentary or treat each other poorly over fictional stories and characters, other than that, we have to make our peace with others disagreeing with our approaches on things.  Or at least we should be doing that!I do find that things get pushed into extremes and it’s incredibly hard to meet back in the middle–for a variety of reasons (again, as I’ve experienced, no part of fandom is a monolith, I can only speak on what I’ve personally been through!), like how even the slightest flaw I talk about tends to get amped up into “Yeah!  The Jedi are terrible!” responses and I have to go back to going, “No, that’s not it.” and defending them.  (In addition to the “I disagree that that’s a valid/invalid criticism.” aspect.)And I do find that it’s usually only Jedi fans who are being scolded for ignoring criticism–where is the same attitude when it comes to Luke or Ahsoka or Leia or the Mandalorian?  So, it gets really hard to take calls for more Jedi criticism in good faith when it only ever seems to be the Jedi fans who get this.  (And maybe Ahsoka fans are being asked to be more critical of her, maybe they are being criticized for dismissing valid talk about her flaws, but I’m genuinely not seeing it.  This doesn’t mean that you’re not being genuine, I believe that you are!  But my experiences come with different associations than yours, I suspect, which means my approaches are going to be different.)For me, I’ve found that there’s an expectation for Jedi fans to meet in the middle and admit to a list of flaws that someone else wrote up, and if we don’t, we’re dismissing valid criticism, and I just very thoroughly disagree with that entire framework.  (Again, not everyone is putting that out, no part of fandom is a monolith, only that this is something I’ve experienced multiple times.)  It’s fine if you don’t!  We do experience fandom differently and register various things differently–I register the expectation to agree to someone else’s interpretations otherwise I’m being a terrible, awful Jedi stan, probably way more than you do, as someone who aligns more towards the middle ground, for example.  I see it constantly and maybe you’ve hardly seen it at all.  Both of these experiences can be true for each of us!So, for me, I don’t see a need to adjust my lenses (in the sense of adjusting to someone else’s specifications, I adjust my own all the time) or come down from someone else seeing me as being extreme, because my framework is my own and I’ve given it a lot of thought and I have my reasons for why I’m in the position I’m in.It’s funny, because I came to fandom as extremely Jedi-critical, that just a few years ago, I did the whole “they were kind of a cult” and “they died because they didn’t adapt to the galaxy’s needs” and “they kind of brought their doom on themselves” and “they suppressed emotions” and “they did a lot of fucked up things” and “Obi-Wan didn’t support Anakin at all, who was desperately seeking help” and “that was the POINT of the prequels that the Jedi were stagnant and corrupt”.  That was my starting point and I slowly started moving towards the middle ground once I got deeper into the canon, and started writing more meta as I watched/read more of it, and started reading more of George Lucas’ interviews, and thought a lot about this stuff, and eventually ended up here.It’s not that I can’t ever fathom a world in which I would be more critical of the Jedi, because that’s where I originally was.  And after all that, I just really thoroughly disagree with a lot of what I’ve seen presented as valid criticism of the Jedi.  It’s fine that others don’t, this is a fictional story and it’s far more important how we treat each other as actual human beings, I get along fine with plenty of people who see things in a different framework than I do, who think different things are valid/invalid!There’s also a ton more that goes into this (including “which version of SW are we talking about here? Legends? Canon? George’s SW?” or women have expectations placed on them by society to soften everything they say with a ‘oh, but that’s just my opinion!’ or trail up their voices at the end of a sentence to make it a question rather than a statement of theirs or how fiction is really not a 1:1 to reality, that fiction is an extension of reality, not the other way around) that we could be here all day to just lay out the complications, not even actually talking about how to approach them!Ultimately, we all have different views on various aspects of SW and of course we can talk about them, as long as we’re genuinely respect of others’ boundaries and their experiences as real people over the emotional investment we have in a story.  I’ve said this for years and I WILL SAY IT AGAIN [holt.gif] – fandom is like an entire group of us watching a movie and drawing a picture of it afterwards.  Every person is going to draw a different picture–some are going to use purple to color the clouds in the sky, some are going to use blue, and some are going to use bright green.  Some people are going to use colored pencils, some are going to use markers.  Some are going to draw a picture that is wildly different from your own, in ways you can’t predict.  But it’s their drawing and your drawing is yours, what they do with theirs doesn’t affect your drawing, so long as they’re not yelling at you for the colors you chose to use.(The metaphor is about lenses of interpretation, not about how you behave towards other fans, etc.)

[deathwish-koala]

Harry, the womanizer

Okay, I’ll admit it. When Watermelon Sugar hit the radio and I suddenly had to hear it everywhere, in my head I kinda went, “Jesus Harry, we get it. You like to fuck.” 

But I was just playin’! Joshin’ my boy! You know I love Harry, and more to the point, I think he’s a very thoughtful artist. I think he’s straining for an emotional truth in his work that he must constantly interrogate and shape--hence his propensity to change lyrics and cadence (the Spotify Singles version of Two Ghosts comes to mind) in live performance. 

I don’t really believe that his music, allusions to fruit juices aside, is mostly sexual. But even if it were--would that be a bad thing? 

At the ripe old age of nearly-27, Harry is definitely allowed to have sex, you know? Like all adults. He’s also allowed to sing about it. I have a friend who is a rather brilliant, cerebral young musician (And also an Aquarius! Go figure.) who has songs about sex, because sex is part of his life. Sex, beyond being fun when done right, is also a realm of extreme spiritual and emotional truth. It’s also...sexy. It makes for good music. We know this. So no harm done there.

A Note On Olivia Wilde

In recent days, Harry’s been photographed holding hands with Olivia Wilde. I have a lot of respect for Wilde, both for her longstanding activism and her career. On House she portrayed the first canonical bisexual I ever saw on TV, a massive moment in my life that made my heart hammer with a sense of recognition I was too young to really appreciate. 

Yet I can see why the current media setup--including a Vanity Fair piece dropped yesterday--might make some longtime Harry fans nervous. A decade ago, Harry’s purported involvement with Caroline Flack had fans frothing at the mouth. Whether the relationship was legit or not is hardly the question, and, out of respect to the tragic situation surrounding Flack, I wish to speak instead on the hideous media coverage at that time.

So much of what defined Harry’s media image as a teenager was sexual. The world very quickly realized, I think, that he is a massively charismatic person, but the extremely sexualized coverage he received was singular and disgusting. He could not so much as speak to a woman without speculation that they were involved. An exhausting burden for anyone, let alone someone so young and so suddenly exposed to the world’s scrutiny. In 2012 my mother very cheerfully read off that infamous “400 women in a year” headline to me and it made my stomach twist.

Beyond the closeting many suspected was behind this early media narrative, there was also the fear fans held of Harry’s predation. First Caroline, then Taylor--Harry was linked to older women all the time, and as we know, age gaps create power imbalances. Harry was still a teenager. It all seemed wrong. 

So perhaps the Wilde thing chafes, as we remember these wounds of old. Two things to consider, however: 

1) Harry is no longer any sort of child. He’s an adult man with a career that he has made conscious efforts toward maintaining. Time has ruled that none of his fame was an accident or mistake. He has chosen this path, treacherous though it may be, and that’s worth respecting. 

2) Essentially, he and Olivia Wilde are peers. For one, they’re co-stars, but they’re also both household names, both wealthy beyond imagining, both seemingly secure in their image and personhood. This is pure speculation, but I suspect they have a bit of an intellectual connection, whatever else they are.

It is not so unheard of that a person in their mid/late-20′s might date someone in their 30′s, especially if they share a career and relative position in society. The world is very large and full of people, and finding a person you connect with is a brilliant feeling. If that’s what they have, these two adult peers, then fantastic. And if it’s PR for the film they’re in together? Wouldn’t be the first time. Wilde is admittedly gorgeous. Who better to offer her their arm than a handsome man who cut his teeth as a young lothario? 

And Yet...

The womanizer image, grafted onto Harry in his days of earliest fame, has never sat right againsthsi skin. We certainly talk about it enough around these parts: Harry Styles starts each day with a glass of antioxidant rich Respect Women Juice, yet media (and many fans) would have you believe he wakes up, sees a lamp shade that looks like a boob, and just starts wacking it. If media was reality, Harry would have to be a bedridden compulsive to keep it up. 

Now, one can respect women and still have sex with a lot of them. Promiscuity is not inherently evil or immoral or filthy or wrong. Really, for me the question becomes, “How comfortable are you, dear HStyles fan, with speculating on the amount of sex he has?” 

We are all a little bit complicit in Harry’s sexualization through the years. Some of it is less okay than the rest. I’m not here to decide for you, but hopefully it’s become clearer over time what is and is not creepy, what is and is not invasive, what would and would not make Styles himself lose sleep if he knew it existed with his name attached.

The media, writ large, is more broadly complicit in this sexualization. In 2011, Alan Carr interviewed 1D for Chatty Man and--having already confirmed which of the boys was 18 and old enough to drink--begins to hassle Harry (not yet 18) about “pussygate,” aka 

Black & white for nostalgia purposes.

Listen, I get it. You wanna take the piss out of the 17-year-old pop star, because it’s funny and silly and he’ll be embarrassed but cool about it probably. You wanna tease him. Because he’s a kid.

On their next interview with Alan Carr, Harry is once again addressed on sexual terms--”Harry, give us your gravy!”--that are playful but also pointed. By age 18, Harry had dealt with this for years.

Hi, Watermelon Sugar

Harry is not the only musician, not even the only member of the band, to have their personal life made a public topic. Superstardom in the 21st century is invasive to the highest degree. But it seems peculiar that the specter of hyper-sexualization chases Styles most everywhere, despite the decidedly non-sexual accolades and regard his career has gathered in the last five years, and despite the lack of flagrant behavior.

Perhaps this specter hangs on because of Harry’s emotional and sensual approach to music--I mean, he does talk about fruit juice a lot, and fabric, and flowers. In an interview with Zane Lowe, the friendly, stoney mood is momentarily dampened by Lowe’s assumption that Watermelon Sugar is about oral sex. 

“Everyone’s kind of figured out what it is about, the joys of mutually appreciated oral pleasure. That’s what everyone’s saying,“ Lowe tacks on defensively. 

According to some, Harry even confirmed as much at a different point. In the Zane Lowe interview, he denies it. 

For what it’s worth, In Watermelon Sugar is a post-apocalyptic novel by Richard Brautigan from the 1960′s. The book, a sparse narrative of a commune existing post-societal collapse, has been called “a parody of the pastoral” by Patrick Morrow. “This society may represent what modern man might wish it to be...but the distortion in the new society is also obvious and just as unattractive.” 

Harry has confirmed that a copy of the book was present during the genesis of the song. The shimmery, ephemeral lyrics--the fragility of sugar itself, easily melted--seem to hint at a desire to stay in the best parts of feeling while acknowledging that these moments are necessarily short-lived. In Morrow’s view, Brautigan’s book is about reality denial. In my view, Styles’ song is, at least a little bit, about the same.

So it’s not that the song isn’t about oral sex--it’s that it’s about more than oral sex. 

Or maybe it’s that oral sex is about more than oral sex. 

Or maybe it’s about nothing, and there are certainly those who choose to believe that. Still, it seems a shame that so much of Harry’s image continues to be wrapped up in that of the Don Juan, the Casanova, the Lothario. 

Really, he’s more of a Vonnegut. 

[conduitandconjurer]

Hi there! I’ve lurked for a little while and just recently followed. You have a really interesting take on Klaus and I’d like to ask: what kind of things do you do to get into character so to speak? Are there any important things about his character you like to keep in mind when you write him? And as someone who has written for many years but is considering rp, any advice for a first-timer? Thanks and hope you have a wonderful day/night!

First of all you should know that I’ve been rping on various platforms for over 15 years at this point, and messages like this still MAKE MY WHOLE WORLD BETTER <33333  Thank you SO much for your gracious and generous kind words.  You took a second to extend a hello and compliment my hard work and it means so so much.

So Klaus and I are NOTHING alike, which is exactly why I choose to write muses like him.  It provides me an outlet of escape from my own life (which has its ups and downs) and it’s a creative and intellectual challenge to understand what makes a person so behaviorally different from myself tick. Most writers like to write characters who are like them.  And I do that too, but for me, I just need some single trait in a character that I resonate with. For Klaus, it’s his innate sweetness and vulnerability (which he tries and fails to conceal) and his need (and failure) to establish boundaries (with family and with ghosts), and finally it’s his fear of being insufficient as a person his family can rely upon (which he copes with by creating artificial emotional distance, and abusing substances, whereas I the mun marinate in guilt and try to overcompensate lmao).  While we’re still not alike, I can BEGIN to understand WHY he behaves the way he does, and I can build my portrayal off of that. 

Put another way, most of my muses are queer nonbinary he/him/they pronoun users, often neurodivergent, who are undergoing a moral struggle, usually somewhere in the antihero category, or even villains. I on the other hand am a queer cis disabled woman with PTSD who is a Lawful Good......and I think that, having a point for relating to but still not being exactly like my muses,  I almost begin to see myself as these characters’ mother or advocate of some kind.  I want to see them GROW and THRIVE.  From that urge, I derive the compassion that every writer needs to have for their character to (try to) portray them authentically.  

And that also means that the character is not going to remain within the bounds of their canonical portrayal. The way I write them will always START and be BASED ON that.  But the character will grow far afield of it.  Take Klaus, for instance. I sense you call my portrayal “interesting” (correct me if I’m wrong) because I choose to write Klaus as almost always post-season 2 AND sober.  He’s more at peace with himself than he was during the first season, he’s begun to properly process his grief for Dave Katz, he’s getting clean and staying clean, he’s becoming more emotionally reliable.  But he still makes mistakes, he still has the most severe, frustrating and painful (for him) case of ADHD I have ever seen, people still don’t “take him seriously” (his own words) and he has to grow a thick skin about their dismissive behavior.  

The fandom, even a number of Klaus rpers, like to keep Klaus in this depressing stasis chamber where he’s constantly nihilistic, selfish, and strung out, and a lot of people see Klaus’s addictions as the brunt of jokes, and while that’s cool for them, and I’d never ask them to censor their portrayal, that makes me uncomfortable. As a person who’s worked with, still works with, at-risk youth at the college level, I just can’t jive with it.  Addiction is an illness and it’s not funny, and there are underlying reasons for Klaus’s addictions.  And what I want to do is excavate those underlying reasons, and watch him get the support he needs. He is still a snarky, sartorial, chaotic, quirkily sweet goofball when he’s sober.  He’s still Klaus.  

Things I do to get in the headspace:

--Listen to playlists that I make for the character or mood. Music is crucial.  --Watch videos of Robert Sheehan talking. Doesn’t have to be as Klaus, but sometimes is.  If you can’t hear the character in the dialogue (not only word choose but little mannerisms and speech patterns), rewrite it. Don’t settle until you can hear the actor’s voice.   --Scream to my friends on Discord about how much I love specific elements of the character, to get psyched up. I’m so sorry, @apocalypsejumped, you are the main person I do this to with Klaus, lmfao.  

--Never EVER look at my follower count, because it’s gonna either depress or intimidate me. 

--Look at pictures of the character. I’m incredibly visual. Just looking at my own screenshots makes me want to dissect him more. 

For advice? Oh lordy!   Uhhhh..... 

Write a lot. Practice a lot. I have a PhD and have written book manuscripts exceeding 600 pages, but you don’t have to go that far, lmao. That drabble in your head at 3 am? Get up and write it down. That passing bit of funny dialogue you think your muse would say? Write it down. I used to carry around a physical journal. Now I use my laptop. 

Write fast and only edit minimally because this is for fun, avocational, and you don’t want to spoil it with too much plotting and refinement.

Drop threads that aren’t working for you. Again, this is not a job, and when it feels like one, scale back.

Resist the urge to over-format.  If your posts cease to be easily legible, the aesthetic will only impede the flow of your prose.   It’s okay to vary your writing voice character by character. My syntax, vocab/word choice, sentence length and structure, vary from one muse to the other, bc the standard rp pov is third person singular, present-tense, meaning your muse is narrating it all from their specific pov.  Klaus and say, a very serious, formal character, would not have the same internal monologue, or even exposition. 

Beware of writing partners who are passive aggressive or possessive, who get jealous of your writing with others, and guilt you for spending your time elsewhere than catering to their needs.  I spent eight years in one of these writing partnerships and only escaped last March, and I am still recovering emotionally. Writing partners can absolutely be abusive, so make sure to enforce healthy boundaries and when they are violated repeatedly, run.

Pick a blog theme that is clearly organized and accessible. 

Don’t pick “main” or heaven forbid “exclusive” writing partners until you have experimented with your chemistry with a number of “versions” of their character (especially canons).  Take your time and see who you gel with. Sometimes you can have a great friendship with someone and your writing together still doesn’t click. It all depends on chemistry.  

Pick a small group of like minded friends and write with them. Do not worry about “exposure” or “popularity,” they are over rated.  Fandoms are genuinely crazy.  Just sit in your sandbox with your trusted buddies. <3 

Anyone else reading this, chime in with some writing advice for nonnie! <3 They’re an experienced writer but new to rp! 

[disslve]

𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good,  so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn. 

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

 * [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. 

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years ) 

history. 

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it. 

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day. 

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy. 

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something. 

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons. 

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway. 

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade.  considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her.  roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself. 

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is. 

pen pal ??:  muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again. 

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works  

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a)  muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work 

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!! 

[thekriseffect]

An Artless Smile (Liam x MC)

[Note: All this Royal Heir business is making me feel extra cheesy lately. I love the concept of MC starting a family, I love the lightheartedness of it, and I love that I have more Liam content to go off of! I missed this series way too much. So naturally I had to write a fic centered around this theme. They’re just too cute not to.]

[Summary: Halfway through her third trimester, Freya is feeling the effects of her pregnancy.]

[Song Inspiration: Where’s My Love- SYML.]

It’s difficult to do anything remotely exciting when you’re eight months pregnant. The highlights of my days, when not stuck dealing with overly theatrical political exchanges, are pretending to go into labor when I’m feeling particularly bored and walking the palace grounds. No, not walking. Waddling. Walking was abandoned long ago when I lost sight of my own feet. Waddling is now my short-term way of traveling. But lately my legs have decided that functioning all together is impractical and that lounging in bed is a far better pastime. So now my highlights have evolved into binging as many shows as possible and seeing how many marshmallows I can fit into my mouth at one time. The answer is six, in case anyone was wondering.

I won’t say that being pregnant is one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. I’ll think it all I want, but I won’t actually voice it out loud. After all, it is my primary purpose in being Queen of Cordonia. To provide heirs for the throne to strengthen the line of succession… or so that’s what they love to tell me. I should feel honored, I’m Liam’s personal babymaker. Yay, me.

It’s not that I hate pregnancy necessarily, it’s just that I didn’t expect it to be this hard.

I hurts in places I didn’t even realize could hurt. Back aches, pelvic pain, swollen feet, all from a tiny human being no bigger than a soccer ball. There’s stubborn tension in my neck and shoulders that refuses to go away no matter how hard I try. I guess carrying an extra thirty pounds around does that to a person.

My hormones are out of control. One minute I’m so thoroughly happy that I could hug anything in sight and in the next I’m contemplating how difficult it would be to claw someone’s eyes out with my nails. Not that difficult, I’ve decided.

I miss my mother, Wendy Lin. The woman who abandoned me even before I knew what the word abandonment meant. The woman who didn’t think I mattered enough to stick around. The woman who preferred her independence over raising her one and only child. I’m surrounded by fine furnishings in a breathtaking country with people who love me, who need me, and all I can think about is someone who never wanted me in the first place. What would she say if she saw me now? Would she be proud of me? Would she even care?

My body doesn’t particularly enjoy being pregnant, so in retaliation it likes to convince me that I’m on the verge of dying regularly. My feet hurt first thing in the morning? Death. A blemish appears on my cheek while I was sleeping? Definitely fatal. One boob is growing larger than the other? I expect plum hued floral arrangements at my funeral. Due to this I tend to dramatize most situations. Sometimes it’s unintentional, slipping out when least expected, and other times I enjoy doing it just to see if I can get away with it. I think it’s kind of funny. Liam? Not so much.

But most of all I’m scared. I want this to work. I want to be everything that my husband and Cordonia needs. Liam insists that I have nothing to worry about, that I’ve always been enough, but most of the time I’m not convinced. I want to be a good queen, a good wife, a great mom, but I’m just not sure how. How can you be good at something that’s geared to wear you down?

It’s a thought that likes to cling to the back of my mind like sap. It’s constantly there and sticks to everything. And it’s the thing that’s currently causing my face to scrunch up like I’ve swallowed a particularly sour lemon when Liam walks into our room.

I’m laying in our bed with a wall of pillows barricading me from the outside world, watching Pride & Prejudice on repeat. I tend to doze off at certain parts so my logic is to keep watching it until I’ve see all the parts I’ve missed. Mr. Collin’s face invades the screen when I scoot myself up into a sitting position, my back pressed against the frames headboard.

I’m watching Liam silently as he circles around the room, unbuttoning his coat and slinging it across the back of the mahogany desk chair, removing his vest followed by loosening his overly expensive cufflinks. It’s become a routine; me witnessing him transform from King Liam, polished and beloved ruler of Cordonia, to Liam, my adorably dorky husband, every night.

He shrugs out of his shirt, exposing his broad shoulders and firm stomach and I let out a low whistle, causing his head to snap up in my direction.

“Hot,” I say while wiggling my eyebrows suggestively at him. A dazzling smile brightens his face when his gaze meets mine and my breath catches in my throat. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the way Liam looks at me. Once, a long time ago, it terrified me that someone could look at me with so much need. So much admiration. It still scares me, even now, but in an elevated, peppy sort of way. One that makes my lips quirk up and my heart rate skyrocket. I never thought I’d deserve a look like that. I never thought I’d deserve him.

Liam walks over to the bed to press his lips chastely to mine. The mattress dips as he leans over me. “They missed you at dinner,” he says as he pulls back slightly to look at me.

I blow a rogue hair away from my face. In a fit of hormonal rage I’d chopped off most of my locks until they sat in messy strands atop my head, much to Bertrand’s horror. “You look like the top of a mop head,” he’d told me. Most days it refused to sit flat no matter how hard the royal stylist tried. And she tried very hard. I didn’t care. I liked the wild look it gave me. I liked how every “reputable attire” was ruined by my spontaneity.

“I got tired of people talking to my belly button,” I tell him while picking at an invisible hangnail. “I don’t know who decided that it’s a cute thing to do but it really isn’t.”

After discarding something onto our ridiculously gaudy dresser, he crosses the room to crawl up the foot of the bed, his arms braced on either side of me, supporting his weight, as he skims his mouth up my swollen stomach. I shiver.

“Your beautiful mother doesn’t like the attention you draw to her,” Liam says into my abdomen, his warm lips brushing against my skin with each word. It’s distracting and causes scandalous images of him sated and spent beneath me to flash into my mind. Sweat clinging to his powerful frame, blue eyes hooded with desire, smooth chest heaving heavily, handsome face tensed in the best way. He should be naked. Why isn’t he naked? Why do I have to resemble a giant hippo?

Liam meets my eyes then, giving me a teasing look and I comb my fingers through his hair, untidying it. I tug gently in retaliation. Wiseass.

“Well it’s cute when you do it,” I mumble, and it’s the truth. I love how much he’s enjoying all of this. I love how his look alleviates whenever he sees me. I love how boyish and carefree and happy he is. It makes it all worth it, every moment.

His smirk broadens as he kisses the stretch of bare skin fondly. “How are you feeling today, my love?”

I consider his question for a moment. “Like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.” Liam blinks at me wordlessly and I almost laugh at the lost expression on his face. “Like an oversized grape,” I try again. “I’m beyond ready for her to be out.”

“Her?”

I hum. “I’ve decided it’s a girl.”

“And why’s that?” Liam asks, resting his chin on my belly to give me that intense look.

“It’s the universe’s way of getting payback,” I explain while tracing my fingers over his face. Brushing over his eyebrow, painting down his stubbled cheek, thumbing against his lips. “I’m not the world’s… easiest person.”

“No?” Amusement dances in his gaze.

“Shockingly. So what better way to get even than force me to deal with a miniature version of myself.”

Liam kisses the inside of my wrist, digits fiddling with the wedding band around my finger, before dragging his mouth along my forearm. “I don’t see that as payback. I happen to like how you are.”

I snort. “How comforting.”

“Does this mean that she will also look like you?”

I freeze. My hand stills its journey over his temple as I wordlessly assess him. He meets my look curiously, pale hair curling endearingly over his forehead and I have to resist the urge to reach up and dishevel it further. Usually so put together, it’s rare to see him this disorderly which makes me love it even more. I twist the rebellious piece between my fingertips and tug it down so it reaches the bridge of his nose. He smiles shyly up at me. “No. She’ll look like you,” I tell him. I’d want our daughter to be beautiful like you.

He presses his nose into my skin and I shift forward, coaxing his face closer to mine when there’s a sudden kick to my ribs. A nervous twitch. A tumbling motion. I yelp, looking down. Liam laughs.

“Someone’s feeling spirited. I wonder where she gets that from,” he beams as he places both hands over my stomach while my belly twitches, smoothing across my ribs and down to my hips.

“She couldn’t be cooperative for just a few seconds longer?” I grumble which makes him laugh again and I can’t help but return his grin.

I’ve noticed that Liam has two kinds of smiles. There’s the one he presents to the public. The one he purposefully uses to emphasis his charming persona, to sway the hearts of hundreds of strangers. To solidify unions and craft agreements. It’s the one he practices the most, regrettably. And then there’s the smile that bleeds too much joy to be anything but genuine. That opens him up like a book, all his thoughts bare and out on display. The one that feels like a gift when you receive it. One that makes you feel so undeniably important.

In this moment I know the one that slips onto his face does so without any restraint from him. It’s too real, too content, to be a creation of The King Liam. It’s just the man I love, feeling the movements of his baby and smiling.